#Wait also mentally here
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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IM FUCKING BACK BABYYYY!!!! [Read tags for a lil info!]
(Please accept this silly doodle dump of my brainrot boys uvu ✨)
#HI!! HIHI!!#posting now when its a little dead lol but#omg sorry for suddenly disappearing ive been seeing all your dms and asks#just had college finals and a mental breakdown so had to take a break off tumblr xD#BUT IM BACK AND HAVE SM TO POST#i was still drawing a lot lol#im gonna go on an ask answering spree tonight/later today so I'll try get to most of them#also tysm for 5k here :') so cool u guys like my silly little doodles#cant wait to be silly here again hehe 🤭#SENDING KISSES!!#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt raph#rottmnt donnie#jax#tadc jax#huskerdust#husk#angel dust#tribbleart#tribbletalks
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I hate the sewers . jpg
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#larian studios#astarion#astarion ancunin#halsin#bg3 halsin#comics#fanart#me browsing my saved clips like 'wait why did i record this one—'#cuts the scene im laughin for solid 5 mins#i feel so bad for astarion it almost looks like he isn't my fav w this treatment kcvvnxovx#'the bank money can wait - we need to pamper astarion now'#hey past me why did u try to switch places w halsin instead of- yknow- tHE GUY YOU PAIRED HIM WITH#prob was bc halsin had more hp to let him step on fire - and also forgetting the water pipe does that#ngl i still don't really understand how to do this part the proper way#like- yeah i know what to do but it's never perfect and always someone will get burned or pushed#plot twist im making better numbers here than twt w bg3 so i'm posting here first while i do a twt detox#my mental health this month is hanging there by two strings and these strings are baldurs gate 3 and hades 2#currently doing my honor run with my rebooted tav'chyon the dracomonk pls wish me luck
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FINALLY I CAN POST THESE!!! It only took me uuuhhhhh looks at the watch 2.5 months
Anyway I hope ppl who asked for these still want them. The original emojis from the expressions meme ↓
#these were on my pc and i didn't have the access to it for a long time#so you know#i also didn't want to redraw them from zero#anyway sorry for the wait#ranpo is my fav here#represents my mental state nicely as well as john#bsd#bungou stray dogs#ranpo edogawa#tanizaki junichirou#gin akutagawa#bsd steinbeck#kunikida doppo#tachihara michizou#(smol)#my stuff
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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The Fourteen Hidden or "Bug" Audios In Order, With Reasoning
(i think! I'm fairly confident in this! I'm willing to Debate!)
12-14 / Howdy & Barnaby
[we know that Barnaby and Wally go to Howdy's every morning]
8-14 / Eddie & Frank
[the post office is right across from Howdy's]
6-14 / Julie & Frank
[Wally isn't scared of bugs, so he could be recruited to help with Frank's gardening problem]
1-14 / Howdy & Poppy
[Howdy mentions that he has a shipment waiting for his signature]
3-14 / Howdy & Sally
[it's possible that Wally went to Howdy's to get something for the beetles]
13-14 / Howdy & Eddie
[it looks like Wally just bought a box of apples, or something similar. Howdy signs for the shipment]
4-14 / Barnaby & Frank
[behind the pins, it looks like there's an apple or two on the ground. the shape and color is wrong for it to be tomatoes. an offering for the beetles?]
9-14 / Frank & Poppy
[the table is clear of yarn, and Frank references the damage done to his garden]
2-14 / Sally & Poppy
[there are cookies - Poppy mentioned to Frank that she might have a non-seed recipe for his butterflies]
10-14 / Julie & Sally
[Wally could have gone with Sally to help with the script reading]
5-14 / Barnaby & Eddie
[Eddie mentions that it's late in the day, and he already delivered the bowling balls]
7-14 / Eddie & Julie
[Barnaby calls, asking after Wally]
11-14 / Julie & Barnaby
[the lighting through the trees looks like afternoon/evening]
14-14 / Barnaby & Home
[the end deterioration is very final, and Barnaby references things that happened throughout his other audios]
#why yes i Did give myself a headache going through the mental gymnastics trying to make this cohesive#time to go take some tylenol! if im not immune to it yet that is!#dont make me go back to ibuprofen... it nearly gave me an ulcer on my stomach lining...#i also need everyone to know that i had 10 hour wii music playing while doing this#ANYWAY YEAH THIS HAS BEEN BUGGING ME FOR#uh. how long has it been since these audios dropped#SINCE THEN!!!#im still not entirely satisfied since some of the audios are just... so hard to place!#like some of them have indications - eddie saying its late in the day. howdy having a shipment waiting. the damage to the garden. etc#but some are just.... they could be anywhere#so i tried to follow a nonexistent through line#of 'hm. wally is with this person in this place so where would he end up next'#bc a neighbor might be like While You're Here! and thus two or so consecutive audios with the same neighbor#cause. he's already there. he might stick around or go along with them to do something else#yk. they just trade him off neighbor to neighbor#GAH IDK IDK IM NOT SATISFIED!!!#i feel like i have chunks that are Correct but agh. idk idk idk#homebogging#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#i think this counts as that!#the barnaby & eddie one - 5-14 - is whats tripping me up the most#and i think is the main thing keeping me deeply unsatisfied#cause eddie says its late in the day. so it must be near the end of the day's timeline#he already delivered the bowling balls and just aghggggg#biting biting biting-#no that one and eddie & julie - 7-14#THE BARNABY PHONE CALL IS IMPORTANT TO PUTTING THESE IN ORDER I JUST KNOW IT#is it the first one??? like barn calls around to find wally for their morning walk? or does the howdy-barn audio come later#since they're having drinks instead of hot dogs? but they could have finished their hot dogs and stuck around for drinks-
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every single book!Lestat girlie after watching 2.7:
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#amc immortal universe#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#the vampire armand#the vampire claudia#jacob anderson#sam reid#assad zaman#eric bogosian#anne rice#iwtv s2e7#I am SCREAMING#been waiting almost two years for this boy to show up#because I KNEW IT#also pretty sure Lestat saved Louis#can’t wait for him to show up and tell Daniel how much of a LIAR Armand is#oh my sweet sweet codependent disaster babies with severe mental illnesses#come here all of you lemme hug you#and also maybe slap you upside the head a little
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Finished editing next chapter of the Hotguy/Cuteguy Love-square fic, now the question is do I post now or wait until my original planned date of Friday/Saturday?
#the other me fic#hotguy#cuteguy#scarian#hermitshipping#mental ill brain says post tonight for more immediate validation#other part says wait and restart consistent posting schedule (Still going every two weeks instead of every week tho)#going to have it as a draft ready to publish and then go to bed since its 1am here#but if people who care about the fic and want it now see this#tell me and i'll just hit post in the morning#if not lets say it will be up Friday afternoon (est)#i'll post between work and going to see Rocky Horror#either way new update very soon!#and boy are they getting closer to figuring out their shit#but also#we're getting closer to the small bit of angst I have planned :D#its endgame angst and the identity reveal i've had planned since the conception of this fic#I can't wait#only like two or three chapters till its all done#maybe more if i write like a lot#chapter 15 is just over 3k tho#which is one of the longer ones so far
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Please please don’t listen to your mind when it plunges you into the depths of despair. It’s lying to you, I promise. Please pray, read some scripture, sing some comfort songs, eat food and drink water, then eat popcorn and drink tea. Take a walk outside in your bare feet and then take a long warm shower. This too shall pass.
#courage dear heart#been having some rough mental health days lately and I’m not entirely sure why#I’ve been waiting to hear back from the college I applyed to and am about to switch jobs again when school starts back for my nieces so#having those things up in the air is a little unsettling#and I’m also pondering a couple things about God and wrestling with some of my beliefs about him that may be wrong which makes me feel#a little more distant from him but not like a crisis or anything#and I still think there’s a hormonal element really out of wack here#my brain should not be giving me the thoughts it’s giving me over pretty small disappointments and circumstances#would appreciate prayers just for peace if anyone reads this
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#i've decided that my emotional mirroring is part of why my roommate stuff is so difficult#so i need to course-correct and stop getting tense when my roommate is tense (easier said than done)#however i am keeping one line from the tense mental arguments i've been having with her (imagined) to defend my behavior:#''you know at least 5 sets of people have tried to intervention me about living here. repeatedly. because of how bad it is for ME''#i feel like they're in this headspace of augh living alone is what should happen for married people hence we deserve it#and thus kaylie is blocking us from what we DESERVE#they would never say it but i think that's part of the dynamic#and then they ping pong back to reality of wait kaylie is the only reason we can afford to be married right now#also weird#i can understand why it messed me up when they were the only people i had to be thinking about and planning my daily life around#please Lord keep me stable and unaffected once i stop working. amen
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One of my favorite things about being Christian is being able to say joyfully, genuinely, and hopefully to all my enemies “See you in heaven!” because in a world of “see you in hell” and “kys” and “the world would be better without you” I’d choose “never give up on yourself, this world is better with you in it, it is never too late for you to embrace the God-given goodness inside you, and I would be so excited to discover I was spending eternity with you” every single time.
#I swear the amount of people I see saying kys on this website who claim to be mental health aware and progressive#and adults saying it to minors too! Just block people I don’t understand how you don’t see the irony here#Also Christians who love telling people to “just wait until they’re in hell” for whatever it is they do or “see you in hell”#That’s so boring#By the grace of God’s hope and love I’ll see you all in heaven#And we’re all gonna be happy about it too#My favorite part of CS Lewis’s the great divorce is when a guy in hell sees a guy in heaven#and starts yelling at him like “why are you in heaven? Where is the man you murdered?”#and the guy in heaven is like “oh he’s fine he’s here too we made up we’re lowkey besties now wanna say hi?” 😂#That’s what heaven is#That right there#christianity#catholicism#catholic#christian#heaven#See you in heaven
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13 era has many shots i love but also many that i hate. idk if it's just that ive watched it more than any other era so im bound to notice more but it's like it's never unnoticeable. i hate it or i love it but im never not aware of it. when i think about other eras im not thinking abt the camera so much
#again might just be ive watched this way too much#my main reactions are like either 'oh this is a painting' or 'move the camera why are we making these decisionssss'#also 'pls whys it so hazy i wanna See'#actually working on this video im gonna decide right here and now that the haziness is just 13s mental state#filtering through#bc the character is the show#hm wait this might be able to make me not hate some shots actually#dhfgkjhjh
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alrighty, friends, i feel the need to be a little transparent because it's affecting things here. the short version of everything is: i'm not doing so hot in the mental health department. no one needs to be concerned -- i'm okay even if i'm having a hard time. but i just ask that everyone continues to be patient and understanding bc i promise that i'm excited to write and chat!! both new and old mutuals, i have so much admiration for you all!! the problem is that the discomfort and sensitivity i feel are making it increasingly difficult to be punctual and social.
so what does this mean? it means my activity may continue to be extra slow. i might procrastinate with messages or go completely silent. i might not log on some days just so i don't have to use my brain. but however my presence here fluctuates, i promise that in no way this is a reflection of my feelings towards you or our muses. i'm just going through it.
all that said, thank you for being here <3 thank you for filling my dash with things that make me smile, and thank you for being a space where i can relax. i care about all of you so much, and i encourage you to be kind to yourselves!! take breaks!! take your time!! your happiness and health matter first always.
#trying to resist the urge to erase everything bc i feel like i'm needlessly explaining myself#but it /is/ needed bc i see how my mental health is affecting me here and i'm frustrated by it and feel guilty#like today was a bad day tbh. i was angry for a good chunk of it bc of work and then there are personal things making it very hard#for me to not become instantly agitated when i get home#so even though i wanted to start messaging people i really almost have the urge to cry at the thought of doing so rn#bc it's just another thing to do when i really just want to /stop/ having to do things today#it's a similar feeling to wanting to see my friends bc i love them to bits but being so burned out that i also don't want to go anywhere#i hope that makes sense and i'm sorry to everyone waiting on me and i'm so thankful to everyone waiting on me#i'm gonna stop talking now though bc i feel like i'm definitely rambling atp ;v;#get ready to ramble | ooc#tw negative#i hope this post isn't as messy as it feels to me but i gotta stop rereading it or i'll go insane
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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hello securitywaiter nation have you thought about ness being abby’s teacher bc I HAVE
below the cut because i can't shut up ever :D
-abby does well enough in school academically but is still needs some work in the socioemotional dept
-when she starts a new school year mike is a bit worried but then she comes back home absolutely ecstatic and mike is like “okay this is good”
-she talks all about how mr. ness lets her color while he teaches and how mr. ness gave them all name tags w silly drawings (hers is a bear) etc etc
-mike is actually really happy bc most teachers have a hard time understanding abby (heck, he has a hard time understanding her) so he’s looking forward to meeting this mr. ness during back to school night
-it goes on like this for awhile, with abby raving about mr. ness and mike is just happy that his little sister seems to be doing better in school. the first time she comes home talking about these kids she hung out with at recess he practically cries
-back to school night is here and the first time mike sees this mr. ness he’s like abby u traitor you didnt tell me this man was exactly my type (he doesn’t actually tell her bc he never brings up his lovelife around her - not that he’s had much of one - but still isn’t this the type of things siblings know intrinsically)
-anyways they’re having the kids show their guardians around the classroom and their seats and everything and then mr. ness is explaining the way his class works and mike is totally paying attention. yup. he’s not distracted by those chocolate brown eyes at ALL
-so they’re waiting to do the one-on-ones with the teacher and mike crouches down next to abby and tries to be all chill “hey, abs. has mr. ness ever mentioned a partner or anything?” acting all nonchalant
-but abby sees right through him and is immediately like “he’s single! do u want me to put in good word for you?” and mikes like “NO i have no idea what ur talking about haha i just wanted to know bc it’s important to know that about ur teachers okay wait why are you smiling like that”
-(abby’s a little menace and already ships it)
-when it’s finally their turn mike is just chanting to himself “be normal. be normal. be normal” lmao
-but now that he’s sitting face to face with the teacher he notices that he has freckles and every chance he had at playing it cool goes out the window
-ness is telling him all about how well abby is doing in class and if there was anything he could do to make it easier for her in the classroom and abby’s just sitting there looking at mike internally screaming with a smile
-so she turns to her teacher and is like “you should get mike’s number just in case something comes up. he’ll probably think of some things later since he’s been taking care of me alone for awhile” (bc u know when kids do that things where they kinda trauma dump at the most random moments lmao)
-and ness at first refuses and is like “im sure email works just fine!” and abby’s like WHYY is he not just taking the bait and then she has like a lightbulb moment
-bc ness probably assumes like everyone else that mike is a single father and abby’s his daughter and abby’s like oh no how do i make this work
-so she goes full anya mode (for my spy x family watchers) and is like “im sure mike would appreciate having your number on hand! he’s a very protective older brother you see. taking care of his little sister must be hard. i’m sure being a big brother like him is hard so it’d be for his peace of mind. did i mention he’s my older brother”
-and ness also has a little bit of a crush already forming so he doesn’t catch the obvious set up and is instead distracted by the fact that the handsome guy in front of him is in fact NOT a single father so maybe he does have a chance wowow
-yup so they exchange numbers andddddd ill come back to this later i really need coffee
#do i know what grade abby is in?? no#do i even have a vague idea of how i could muddle the ages for this work? also no#i am literally jsut here what more do u want from me#yknow purple rotting michael when he done got scooped#thats what i feel like with the amount of brain rot that i have#im actually so mentally ill its insane#also i very specifically wait for someone else to post on the tag before i make another post#bc i ahve wayy too many thoughts on these two#fnaf#fnaf movie#kitty.twt#ness the waiter#securitywaiter#mike schmidt#mike x ness#fnaf ness#abby schmidt#i love abby being securitywaiter shipper no. 1
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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