#WON'T STOP ME FROM GETTING IT THOUGH!
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Slight Update
One: I haven't even really been working on anything important, like writing or drawing. Mainly because I decided to replay a game that I adore.
Two: I'm not gonna be home for a while meaning that I can't even work on these pieces EVEN IF I WANTED TO.
However, I will be writing The Shadow's Legend in a physical form... IE writing it by hand. I will say I have drawn my sona in the outfit of the main character of the game that I've been playing though! Doubt that'll be her final design.
Will, also, draw them in a traditional outfit of just a shirt and shorts. I really liked an outfit that someone else shared... so I might draw that design as well. Anyways, I might have several sketches ready for choice because I just can't decide on an outfit. Maybe having you guys choose what's the best might help.
Edit: I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE SHADOW'S LEGEND CHARACTER LINEUP MIGHT HAVE CHANGED SLIGHTLY
#update#blog updates#Oh and yes I will reveal that game#I've been playing it on the switch but it did recently come out on Steam (February 13 2024)#And I really do kind of want it on steam but I don't need it on there because I have it on switch#From what I've read of the reviews though the Steam version is based off of the phone version...#WON'T STOP ME FROM GETTING IT THOUGH!#Ah yeah forgot to even say what that game is#It's Dragon Quest Builders and the sequel (which I own both on PC and switch) Dragon Quest Builders 2#I just love those games so much
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Blue flag basically
#blue flag#ao no flag#touma mita#toma mita#toma blue flag#taichi ichinose#futaba kuze#anime and manga#bisexuality#Blue flag? 😏 more like blue fa- *gets shot*#but seriously#i can't stop reading it as blue fag helppp 😭😭😭#Also i recommend everyone to read it#is kinda bittersweet and even though i despise love triangles i kinda like this one#specially since i remeber something that red from overly sarcastic productions said about “true triangles”#when character A likes character B Character B likes Character C and characted C likes Character A#and that it could never be a true triangle cause one of them be gay otherwise#so the fact this one WAS a true triangle#and it explored and called out some bs about society and heteronormativity#but also subtly brought aromanticism and asexuality in a way#and a little bit of transness#but the last one is just kind of a headcanon of mine lol#Also dude if i tell you i actually screamed and was kicking my feet at the end#i did not expect it AT ALL#i feel like this one and stars align will always hold a special place in my heart now#is weird for manga to make me cry so this one kinda surprised me too#also IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING#there were some stuff that pissed me off but they were minimal#lgbtq#btw this meme is lowkey canon just so you know like i won't say spoilers but believe me when i say it's kinda canon
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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b’elanna vs her mother at similar ages, plus some sketches!
#my art#star trek voyager#my very first deanna…. my original obsession. if i ever read as much about betazoids as i do klingons we’re all in grave danger#also wrt the first image b'elanna is. 12 years old and as such is about to go emo mode but not quite yet. the girly girl thing is a front#sometime in winter she'll chop her hair off without permission#what do we think? human girl look to fit into the image her father has while he's still around or after to try and get him back?#miral is also a little bookish like b'elanna but on different subjects.... likes to keep to herself naturally but is also loudmouthed and#got told she shared her opinion too often a lot in university. didn't stop her though she speaks up when she thinks (knows) she's right#what did she study? don't ask me my answer changes with the weather#botany....linguistics.....military strategy.....chemistry....... uhmmmm religious studies. or even better the klingon system doesn't have#starfleet equivalents and she spent ages 15-22 doing apprenticeships for a certain (or multiple) disciplines#anyway.#kessik 2352 b'elanna has trouble sitting still for photos until she gets a little older so all the pics from before 7 are of her father#physically holding her so that she won't wander OR off guard shots or super blurry. theres more videos of that time than anything
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I'm planning on drinking boozy hot chocolate and bingeing s6 of wwdits tonight once the sun goes down. I probably won't put most of my liveblogging in the main tags (they probably don't need the additional spam rn) but I'll probably use my usual "nandermo tag"/"wwdits tag" combo if you want to block it.
in that weird place where I didn't particularly enjoy a lot of s5 but I still have mild hopes for s6 and I do feel a compulsion to watch the (apparently very complicated) ending live tomorrow. for old time's sake.
#my dad has actually been watching s6 live so I've had to deal with him bitching at me about how he hasn't been enjoying most of it#meanwhile mom has refused to watch it since the episode with freddie lmao#no matter how much most of fandom hated that episode my mother hated it more#and she wasn't even a shipper lmao#my friends seem to be divided between a few people who are loving it and a few people who think it's mediocre#(though I'd say most of my friends have... just stopped watching it...)#I guess I'll find out what I think soon enough#it's the only season where I haven't been desperate to watch the new episodes when they came out#and idk if it's just that I've been stressed lately and I don't have the spoons to get really invested in something#or if the finale of s5 really just killed my love for this show that thoroughly#it's a weird feeling when a show that you used to live or die for now fills you with mild dread#I won't lie it's how I started to feel about comics fandom near the end#it comes from still thoroughly loving the characters but no longer trusting the writers I think#oh well once more into the fray#wwdits tag#nandermo tag
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the apostles creed goes harder than the nicene creed and i will die on this hill
#like okayyyyy we get it the son is consubstantial with the father 🙄 leave a little room to breathe here#<- statements that would make me very unpopular circa 325 ce#not even going to mention the athanasian creed fuck athanasius to be honest#i had really strong opinions about him in one of my college religion classes which (unrelated) had a jordan peterson apologist prof#it was not a very good class obviously but it was still one of the best ones because sda religious classes are just that bad#even though they're mandatory 🥴#anyway i can honestly profess none of these creeds but that won't stop me from having opinions about them#me
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note that i will only ever call mithrun "stupid" jokingly. by "stupid", i only mean "frustrating behavior that i am immensely familar with". seeing him do something that makes me groan aloud, closing my eyes, sighing "stupid (affectionate, mournful)". like when he fucking... his dumbass "i don't want to [use the bathroom] right now, so it's fine." oughh. i know you! i know you! that's not how that works!!! and he's smart!!! he's so smart... but god, god... he's kind of an absent professor. he's kind of a cloudcuckoolander. i love him dearly. he gets called a dummy, a little idiot, and i flick his forehead, a little bonk of hard-heads, like "try again, idiot. that's not how bodies work." and "ooh, 'that's not going to work'. yes it is. shut up, stoopid. stubborn little man, my god." rolling my eyes forever.
#mithrun#i'm not devaluing his intelligence#i feel like both can be true - that someone can be really smart but also take really stupid actions conversely#i fucking KNOW i do all the time#and i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the word#it's not that his intelligence is compromised in any sense or that i think he's incapable#and it is solely#the fact that he is a stubborn little guy who doesn't listen and just goes 'that won't work' / 'i don't want to' / etc.#like... BUDDY...#buddy BOY#dummy#you are NOT a good judge of this ok?#zip ya lip little man#i know what you are#and i ain't fuckin listening to ya!#god. 'that won't work'. blah blah blah. okay sleepy. see you next panel.#fuckin knew that was going to happen#'i'm not tired' (his body stops working and he doesn't know why)#oh. OH. you're NOT? buddy i KNOW what happened ok? you need some fuckin rest#like - i'm gonna kick your legs out from under you + you're going to fall gently into bed + i tuck you in and smooch you#but i also fucking complain because OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED ! you bastard ! go sleepy bye#it's his poor decisions and i know why he does them - because he doesn't know - but by god#it's also a little like please... listen to yourself...#on the one hand he doesn't know and never will#on the other hand ... you have been awake for hours and hours without sleep... please get some rest...#but yeah as someone who forgets needs and has little sense of that it is like... objectively a stupid experience#and i don't say that with judgement in my heart but it feels REALLY stupid when your body does something and you don't know why#it's not the disability though that makes me say as much - it is fully the fact that he is SO STUBBORN! SO STUBBORN!!!!#you say you're not tired and fall down? hm? then maybe you are? i know you don't know but whatever. let's get you to bed boy. ok?#caring for him + shaking my head like i get it so much but you gotta sleep! 'this won't work'. ok liar... i already know it will.
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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i was gonna say "i shouldn't have to go to work when my brain feels like a depression slushie" and then i was like "wait but then i'd basically never ever go to work" and i'm actually doubling down on the first part now bc my god how am i supposed to heal my brain from burning out 5 years ago if i can never get an actual break
#//juri speaks#i also at this moment: do not know if i have health insurance anymore / if i will be able to get insurance#if i can't get insurance i will not be able to take classes this fall#if i can't take classes my loan repayments will kick in immediately#i already don't have enough money for anything and i certainly don't have a spare $150 a month for the government#at any rate i need to submit my tuition waiver Soon but i can't until i know if i can get into the second class#so i have to wait for the prof or my advisor to get back to me#all the while a funeral day draws nearer#and then AT work i still feel like my position doesn't need to exist#but i desperately need it to exist because i need the money#and this big mchuge data migration project we were SUPPOSED to have had done in JUNE is being pushed to the absolute last minute#not by us but by the folks in control of the software we're moving to#so we're not going to have any safety margins with the old software#it's going to be GONE and dead and unlicensed while we're trying to learn the new shit#and i'm going to have to deal with the other branch cataloger trying to do everything for us which Won't Help#and i need!!!!!! a break!!!!!!!!!! from everything!!!!!#i need the world to stop and i need to go sit in the desert for like 6 months#instead best i can do is go buy the new taz gn for a little crumb of escape. maybe a little coffee drink while i'm there#even though i've been hitting sugar hard lately and really do not have the funds to buy more clothes if i gain a few more lbs#and can't afford a walking pad/treadmill and don't want to go outside bc it is a billion degrees all day every day rn#uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#yw2#idk. i have a lot of thoughts on this stuff#still upset i didn't find out 3 released in america until a while after it did :/ could've gotten a physical copy if i'd found out earlier#but alas. i'm just stuck with a boring digital version. i mean the digital versions of yo-kai watch games are better but like. still#i never got maginyan in blasters even though i could've. the code or whatever was on the receipt but my mom bought it for me#from the nintendo website. and i don't think she checked it and i don't think i found out that was where it was until a bit after i got it-#i did get machonyan and jibanyan t/komasan t's codes entered though so i can get them on any playthrough now#unless i put the sd card in another 3ds since apparently it's system-based instead of sd card based??? which is really stupid#but you can probably bypass that with cfw and i do plan on modding my 3ds eventually#it'll just be a process cuz i don't have an sd card slot on my computer and idk if my moms would be willing to help#so i'll probably have to get a separate sd card reader or whatever. which i do think my moms would be okay with i mean#it's my system and they're cool with piracy lfskdjfjkfsdkljfd-#my moms are so cool <3 i just wish i could get them interested in yo-kai watch but they don't seem to care lfskdjfkjsfdjlksfd-#they determined the battle system doesn't sound fun but i might've just described it badly#i mean tbf. it is very annoying sometimes. especially when my healer just will not heal the other yo-kai#''DO YOUR FUCKING JOB TATTLECAST STOP LOAFING'' -me playing 2#that being said if 1's switch port ever releases in america i am totally playing it on the tv#i WILL force my moms to watch me play funni ghost game whether they like it or not /lh#if we do ever get 1's switch port i hope they make it a collection of some kind with 2 and 3 remasters too i would buy that in a heartbeat#i mean obviously i will buy any american-released yo-kai watch stuff in a heartbeat aside from maaaaaybe y-school heroes#(i'm sorry y-school heroes fans i just cannot get into it. from concept alone it sounds like i would not enjoy it)#maybe sangokushi too if we ever get that but i feel like we probably won't#idk if the franchise it's a crossover with is popular enough in america for that#i hope we get more english yo-kai watch content once ghost craft releases. kinda feel like it's testing the waters tbh#i know it's seemingly just a spiritual successor but still#i do hope that it being a spiritual successor doesn't mean yo-kai watch is over. i doubt that it will since like#punipuni still gets semi-frequent updates
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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how do you downgrade apps :O
Oh just through APKs for android! Uptodown has served me well for my discord and spotify APKs, they have helpful dates labeled on each APK version so you know how old it is if you can't find your version number
You just have to remember your login for any app you're downgrading since it'll log you out (unsurprisingly), but the APKed apps are able to be updated through the app store
For IOS it unfortunately isn't that easy? I'm not sure, I haven't personally looked into how to downgrade there, but I wouldn't be surprised if you can't with how crappy apple is- you'd have to search the internet for an answer, sorry :[
#if you're on android you can also basically downgrade system apps and force stop them to quote unquote declutter your shit#I do it all the time#it won't get rid of them half the time#but it does prevent them from using up resources#my discord is ancient because of me using the APK though LMAO#123.7 or some shit#old as fuck🔥#my family is an android family though- we've always disliked apple and find android more reliable#hasn't failed us so far
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why's all the colorful stuff always in the kids' options oTL
#just me hi#Whyyy [laying on the ground facing up. hand on your shoe]#I see a thing with colours I like and it's either a) fast fashion garbage that'll break down quick + be incredibly uncomfortable#or b) only goes to size 10 in kids#Must I suffer. Its already hard finding my shoes they're funking Black kdhsvfh#Not only would colours just be nicer to wear they'd also be easier to find <3#And I got the go ahead for multicolour so Whyhuhyhyhhyyyyy lmaoo#And if I get recced another pastel palette I'll explode. It's just not happening. Help kfvsh#It's either pastels or dusty colours I do not vibe with at this time. Or black#And black can be Fine but I don't want black but I also don't want to die immediately walking around and Blaaahh bloooooo ouhrrrr#My mother said this shoe brand she wants me to get shoes from has good colours and I go to check it and you Won't Believe What They Had#I've been SNUBBED#is that the word here? Hang on loll :)#Close enough 👍💥💥#SNUBBED dude. Just awful kfshsh#I don't want neutral colours I am so tired of them lmfhsf#That and pastels. Lord please I am begging for a restraining order against pastels#I had this same problem looking for skates last year whyyyy am I supposed to be beige and faded blue all the time BLAH#//anyway I Did sleep yea :>#I'm also slightly hungry which my explain my renewed issues with this but yk what I think I would had this problem anyway. Peace kfdhshf#At least I can find clothing with patterns and colours i like that happen to be on the same shirt right. Right#Okey I'm gonna stop talking abt it Lmfhsvfhd#//yea I've got some left over energies from last night and a thing I've gotta get on so :3#I think I've figured out my process w/ the tradi inking and then colouring! Went at record speeds last nnnI mean this morning Kfhsvf#Though I have Got to eat before that. Sigh. Sigh. Sighhhh#Life: you get to eat but you also don't have a choice lmao#Same thing with sleep. And baths. Why must good things suck so hard [shaking my fist]#//anyWho I'm going on my way. Onnn my way#Yep. Moving now. As we speak uhh huh#Alright toodles pfsh :>
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i hate ocd because it's so illogical that most advice to combat it ends up being useless. when i tell people i'm irrationally stressed or paranoid about something they try and explain why it's either very unlikely to happen or why it doesn't make sense to be worried about said thing. and i appreciate the sentiment but the problem is i already know that. once my brain thinks of something to be scared of it will graphically torture me with it until i get completely burnt out or have an episode <3333
#on a sort of related note how do i function without being destroyed by guilt for eating or sleeping#when i should be writing my thesis#logically i know that i need to eat and sleep to function and i know how bad i feel when i don't do it#but i still have a constant thing in my head screaming at me for doing it so it stops me from sleeping bc it's so loud#and that's another ocd thing like it literally is a voice it's like someone screaming non stop and it's painful#80% of the reason i have a constant headache and migraines. my brain is SO LOUD#like please stop screaming at me i promise i am trying my best#also sucks because it can be hard to speak to people because it's like i can't hear properly#like sorry if i seem distracted girl there is literally someone in my head yelling full volume#another ocd thing bothering me recently which is REALLY DUMB#is i have this thing where i get scared to delete photos of my cats bc my brain tells me something bad will happen to them if i do#so my phone storage is SO FULL and even though i have backed up the photos on a hard drive and therefore can delete them#my brain is like nononono if you delete the picture of them they will die and you won't remember them#and i told my mother and she's like you need medication again#and i'm like yes i know but antidepressants make me evil and insane#compared to silly and insane as is my current statee#help
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/
(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)
#melonposting#there is a good case for not wanting to associate with something on account of the creator being harmful. sure whatever#but people have talked at length about the sort of moral ocd that it promotes when that idea is fervently preached and enforced#i don't know about you but i think there's a big difference between#a) not wanting people to associate with something because the media itself spouts harmful rhetoric#and because its bigoted creator both benefits from people engaging with the books and is idolized by many of the books' fans#and b) not wanting people to vocally enjoy ANYTHING made by ANYONE who's held any harmful ideology at any point#because doing so 'inherently' supports and spreads those harmful ideologies#it's true that you cannot separate the art from the artist#but good people can make bad art and bad people can make good art. artistic talent is not inherently correlated with the artist's morals#the goodness/badness of a person CAN seep into the art they make. and it often does. and that can affect one's enjoyment of it#but even then there's nuance to be had on how to deal with it#like my hero academia for example. when i started watching it in middle school i didn't know how misogynistic it would be#of course i ended up seeing it in the show (and god it's so misogynistic)#and i ended up learning that the 'joke' sexual-harasser character is a self-insert for the creator#which of course i could never get behind. the creator is undeniably a horrible guy#at the same time though the show means a lot to me and i've gained a lot from watching it#i won't elaborate here on how but believe me it isn't superficial. if you want to ask me about it i'd be happy to share#i can hold both in my mind. the disgust and the enjoyment. i don't think those have to be mutually exclusive#of course not everyone is like that; you could immediately stop liking the show on discovering the gross stuff. and that's your prerogative#i don't know... i agree with the values behind avoiding media made by people known to have moral failings#and in some cases (like harry potter and jkr) i fully endorse the values and the practice. but such cases are very specific#but in most cases i fear the practice is misguided and unnuanced and ultimately unhelpful in fulfilling one's values#it is largely a philosophical matter: about how an individual regards their moral standing in the context of themselves and other people#which is important to discuss - especially in our globalized internet age! speaking of which feel free to disagree with me#if you want to have a civil discussion i'm more than open to it#but no matter how important this matter... there are way more important ones in the world. especially right now#calling out people who watch a youtuber who said something bigoted 5 years ago does little to stop that bigotry overall#just have good morals and practice them! support oppressed people! be thoughtful and understanding and compassionate!#callouts and dni lists rarely make for impactful advocacy!!!
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