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#WITH A KNIFE which just make it worse
rootbeerfloats · 1 year
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guess who dropped their phone into a bucket of sanitizer while trying to clean tables at work and it subsequently became unresponsive and stopped working . ☝ this guy
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millionsnife · 19 days
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//i've got Medical Bullshit (read: chronic pain from skin condition flare ups in multiple locations) going on which is why i have not been here despite intending to be. i do still exist tho
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keeps-ache · 2 years
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ouh i'm hungryyy
but the only thing to eat is orangesss
i don't want to peel themmm cuz i don't like them under my nailssss
ouhuhguhg [dies]
#just me hi#food#i Know that it's not that bad when i actually do it but Man i Do Not Want To Peel That Thing#i could cut them but we only have butter knives so that means that the juice is gonna get my hands stickyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#the only thing that worse than stuff under my nails is juice all over my gosh darn hands hhhhhhhhhh#but also i'm hungryyyyyy#auuuuuuughhghghghghghg#__(:'o_/)\__#i am in Misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me oh yea#don't want to peel that Thing the texture will absolutely annihilate me oo yada yada yada#//yeah i could wash a knife. but do you realize what that would require#i'd have to walk alllllll the way to the bathroom - which is already a house's length away! - with a knife -#i don't like carrying knives it makes me nervous- PLUS it's like a community bathroom so IMAGINE i walk all the way there with a watermelon#knife (looks like a watermelon) and somebody comes out and sees me carrying a knife unsafely! i'd go out King Saul style at that point -#and then i have to WASH the dang thing. and my hands have to be cold and wet. can you believe that. Cold and Wet!!!#and that's if i somehow don't commit murder on the way there cuz apparently there's no way you can hold a knife Ever#//ANYWAY.#i guess i'm gonna peel the orange hvhhhvs#morning dramatics are over!#//this orange is COLD and i have to Peel It aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#//ok i'm done or else my horrible horrible turmoils will all be catalogued for future historians#going to peel this orange </3
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kebiday · 2 years
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okay i'm sorry i'm not done thinking about thoroughbreds kandrew. (hyping myself up) it's fine. it's fine. it's my blog with no followers & i can be as delusional as i want
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I was trying to define how I'm feeling rn and I came up with 'horrible, but in a good way'
#i mean yes horrible nasty#but not like yesterday or other days sometimes#(God be thanked that I forgot at the time that there actually is a knife in my room in a box bc if I'd remembered I'd wager anything#that I would not in fact have come out of that unscathed. I have buried the knife further in the box#so that in case such a crisis comes again I cannot easily get at it and hopefully I'll get some sense or tell somebody in the meantime.)#anyway rn it's the sort of horrible which is wearing and nasty but definitely still this-too-shall-pass#i can survive it without danger to life or limb in the least it's not as bad#and i know definitely that this is connected with having friend and her family staying over since wednesday#thankfully they're going home tomorrow at least#yes i am a horrible friend#yes this is making it worse#but i just - yes i love her and i love them. but i need space. i need alone time. i am at the end of my tether.#and yes apparently anxiety and uptightness and general wound up ness can get to the point it did yesterday#i only clawed up my face a bit and nothing lasting#only a few nail marks remain on my hands so im fine#but i won't deny that the evening of yesterday was honestly terrifying#if i'm like this emotionally still in terms of fragility by the time i go back to uni i don't think i'll cope with uni#at least without resorting to something desperate of some kind#i'm hoping getting a job soon if i can will pull me out of this slump#i need to do something about pursuing an adhd diagnosis or at least going to an educational psych like my doctor suggested#i cannot deal with it without at least one or the other of those#i mean i also need a referral from doctor to scoliosis review surgeon so if i can get an appointment with the specific doctor to get that#maybe i'll be able to get a referral to another adhd or educational person as well at the same time. i hope so#i don't know. sorry for having a breakdown all over tumblr#if im having a serious breakdown all over tumblr at any point that's probably my way of keeping me somewhere safe tbh#im sorry y'all have to be dumped with this but idk#and im sorry i can't promise to trigger tag or anything eithr bc i know if im in a state of crisis or my definition of crisis i will forget#guhh anyway idk why i dumped this all over the place sorry#to my followers who followed me bc of shenanigans: sorry#to everybody: sorry
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bejeweledmp3 · 2 years
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.
#tlou 2 spoilers////#i absolutely get that this is the point but there's something genuinely so hollowing and just. hurtful about joel's death#like he died brutally and now he can't make amends with his daughter everything that he fought for for so long doesn't matter bc he's dead#he got two years (stfu neil drunkman. two years??? two whole years??? shut the fuck up) of the silent treatment from the person he loved#most in the world#the one person he would (and has) fight to death to keep safe. and the SECOND he got a chance of making things right he's fucking dead#i have to make a post about this but i genuinely believe that the cruelty present as a theme throughout the entirety of tlou is not always#effective and at times can almost make you lose the point of the story#it's not just that bad things happen. bad things happen at the worst possible time in the most hurtful way#it's cruelty towards however is invested in the story and it's on purpose. sometimes it serves the narrative (joel dying for example.#although cruel it was necessary to move the story of the game along)#and sometimes it just feels like twisting the knife for no damned good reason (they really didn't even get a day to try?? not one??)#and the result is something that i find so so overwhelming and punitive#that it makes it honestly hard for me to even begin to try to make up my mind about wether i like it or not#it hurts!!!! it makes me feel Bad. and empry anc confused and lonely and pointless ans stupid#which honestly resembles what real world loss and grief are ig. but also it clouds what your story is#but ALSO going that entire way just to say forgive don't seek revenge<333 feels uh. anticlimactic#i also keep coming back to taking ellie's fingers. twisting the knife making what's worse bad#like some of it is just low hanging fruit. the girl was alone already you got tour point across. was that last bit necessary#but then some of the cruelty really fucking works#but ALSO if i think about this too much i honestly feel Void inside me. which is why i'm typing this in the first place just#insane tragedy that makes me feel Bad in a way i can't express#i am both sicked and terrified for sunday.oh well#talking tag;#the last of us;
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deus-ex-mona · 2 years
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story of my life tbh
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we-can-escape · 2 years
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Finally watched the first knives out and. I get it. It really is that good huh.
#also a fucking tragedy#like obvs all murder mysteries are tragic to a certain extent bc like. someone died.#but this one is like. literally greek tragedy. it was all so avoidable but only in retrospect#but also in the end so completely UNavoidable bc these characters' own natures is what dooms them#like. if Marta had been just SLIGHTLY worse at being a nurse. just a LITTLE less careful. (which Ransom wanted&expected)#she might not have noticed at all that she'd used the wrong meds. and not freaked out. and avoided disaster#similarly if Old Guy whose name idk how to spell had cared about Marta a little less (which EVERYONE expected&wanted)#he wouldn't have literally killed himself to protect her#and yet. AND YET. it wouldn't have been enough bc they'd have been doomed anyways bc a more careless nurse WOULD have killed Old Guy#like PEAK greek tragedy fatal flaw shit#also. unrelated but. where WAS Marta's family from everyone kept naming different countries but i cant remember if she ever says it herself#which is v on-brand for the point the movie was making with that in the first place obvs but i kinda feel bad that i don't know#also also the fucking. full-circle eventual payoff for that comment about not being able to tell a real knife from a prop?? priceless#the SECOND i heard it i knew it was important but i just couldn't figure out how the heck itd be relevant#esp since he then instantly demonstrated that HIS knife (aka the murder weapon) was real so i was like. ok so where's this prop knife then#but then it DID come back and it was great#anyways great movie glad i watched excited to watch the second one
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soft-serve-soymilk · 1 month
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Do u think Theon has a gambling addiction
#Asking my fandom of two people here ^^; Can’t wait for communities so we can have forum discussions on my head children~#just pav things#I was studying the psychology of gambling today. Watched a documentary on the losses to pokie machines in australia#Apparently the dopamine receptors are most active when you are playing and only marginally increase when you win#So you know Theon. who is actively trying to relieve his emotional pain and is bored of life#would be drawn to the addictive nature of gambling and just… playing the game#in his mind he knows he always has his intuition powers as a safety net to recuperate losses#which only makes the allure of playing properly greater :)#So he keeps getting that rush of morphine-like ‘happiness’ in him that motivates him to keep going#and he’s a child. you can imagine the engrossment.#It’s not about earning to live it’s about living to earn. that’s all he can see himself doing anyway#Anyways I think this is an interesting minor alteration for several reasons#It makes the parallels to Inigo stronger for one!!!!!!#Similarly Inigo also abuses addictive substances illegally (cigarettes~)#But the difference is drawn in that while Theon is entrapped in a predatory system that ultimately couldn’t care less about him#Inigo is very much leaning into his own self-destruction. He knows what he’s doing and it’s the reason why he does it. It’s self-harm.#Somehow getting cancer is more appealing than knife wounds but y’know it’s in the spirit of Inigo to overcomplicate things#especially considering. he has a pocket knife. the easy option is RIGHT there. you all can munch on that for a bit.#And the second point is the shameeeeeee#That’s what his spiriter form is built off of :3#You KNOW he carries around so much shame for his lifestyle once he gets assimilated into Archie’s squad#Comparing himself to Luna and Ewan who are just two kids trying their best and don’t know any better when they mess up#And Theon holding himself to the standard that he SHOULD know better because hey he’s older and more mature#And so on the numerous occasions Ewan questions and assails Theon’s behaviour (and there are many)#He only feels WORSE until his feelings reach that point of no return :)#Shame :)
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hauntingblue · 2 months
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Weird that helaena didn't foresee this btw she has predicted nearly every tragedy that happens to the greens
#the people thinking this is bad bad and criston like umm... didnt they know we won.... NO DUMBASS#they got a bunch of not targaryens in charge and they dont know the lore.... dragons are power my guy#alicent noticing aemond having aegons knife.... girl open your eyes#a silent sister there in the side of the frame just in case akdhaksjsksjs#jace first man to experience mysoginy.... westeros is so progressive#daemon to be the one to end centuries of beef between two houses i cannot believe my eyes#or make it worse.... nevermind#rhaenyra needed a yapping partner mysaria is so needed actually akfhsksk#elisenda (if i remember right) getting sent for war akdjaksn#and who tf is she????#OH!!!!#asking your wife for money for your latest repair project akdhakskskdk#LARYS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!#alicent having to fight for her claim as REGENT against her own fuckass son CHRIST!!!!!#FUCKASS CRISTON!!!!!!#ALICENT THAT MAN IS ONLY EATING BREAD AND WATER FROM NOW ON#THE FUCKASS BALL!!!!!!!!#ALICENT KILL THEM ALL!!!!!!!#aemond is the next in line new criston phrase#i did not give you lease(?) to speak my name#BARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they want meat!!! hugh said the dragons are meat!!! are they going to eat vhagar???? lmaooooo#sick dungeon meshi reference#SLAY JACEEEE#alys queen.... humble daemon a bit more we nearly got him#HE SAID IT!!! RHAENYRA END THIS MANS RETREAT NOW!!! BAELA READ HIM!!!! YEAAAAHHH BAELAAAAAAA YEAAHHHHHHH AND RHAENA GETS DRIFTMARK#HELAENAAAA YEAAAH SHE KNOWS!!!! AGEON NOTICED HIS MOTHER OHHHHHHH YEAAAAH VERMITHOOOOR SILVER WING!!!! jace and rhaenyra scene god.... yes#talking tag#watching hotd#the jace and rhaenyra scene and that baela and corlys scene which btw gave me chills.... damn thats was so good
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insanechayne · 1 year
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~ ~ ~
#seems like I’m only going to get one message from you today which kinda sucks since you told me you didn’t really do much the whole day#reasonably you had time to talk to me at least a little bit more#I’ve only been begging for more time with you for weeks on end until it caused a fight but whatever#and I hate that this kind of thing even bothers me because why should I still care so much about how little or how much we talk?#I should be able to distance myself from you the way you do from me and have it not affect me at all#and yet apparently I still feel something for you and am still desperate for your attention and I don’t know how to make that stop#I still think about you every day all the time even when I don’t want to and I can’t make that stop either#it makes me feel so guilty because this is how I should be feeling for my girlfriend and yet it isn’t#I can say maybe that’s because I do see her all the time and talk to her often and we’re barely ever apart#but at the same time I know it’s because some part of me still yearns for you even though I can’t have you and that kills me#talking about the stupid day to day shit and wondering is this all there is for us? forever?#wondering if you ever think about me the way I think about you or feel tempted like I do#hearing you complain about the same things that brought us together in the first place and hating that part of me hopes it’ll bring you back#but also hurting so much because I know things can’t go back to the way they were and you don’t care for me like you used to#the anxiety and the stress and the pain are almost unbearable sometimes#and I’m just trying to go about my life like this isn’t twisting a knife in my guts every second of the day#I wonder sometimes if it would be better to just end our friendship and shut you out completely#out of sight out of mind right? can’t keep thinking about you if I can’t talk to you#but I just feel like that would make it worse and I don’t want to lose anyone else again#but there are ways my girlfriend just can’t fulfill me and I hate feeling like someday I’ll have to choose between all the parts of myself#deciding which parts of me get to be happy and complete because I just don’t get to have it all apparently#and she’s so amazing and wonderful and I love her so much I honestly do#she makes my heart feel full and makes me feel like I’m actually loved so much for once#and yet there’s still something missing and I can’t make this full connection with her and it just makes me feel guilty#I just don’t know what to do anymore because this is all driving me fucking insane#personal
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disgustingtwitches · 1 month
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MDNI
Working at a restaurant with 141! (Part 1)
Let's get this out of the way, the restaurant fucking sucks. Don't even know how it's still open. The food is terrible. The owner is an incompetent drunk who's never there. You got referred to the job from a friend of a friend. You did an interview with the head chef/manager, John. He hired you because you were hot.
"The fuckin ass on that one, huh?"
Just like any man that works in a restaurant, they're all horny fucks who love to tease you. You'd run back to the kitchen and ask to tweak an order. Price would wink and say:
"Next time it's gonna cost ya."
When it gets slow (which was all the time), you'd sit in the back and chat about how they met and what they did with their lives. They all get paid under the table for various reasons. Johnny takes smoke breaks with you, sometimes Price joins. Gaz pours shots for everyone after "busy" nights (busy meaning there was an hour where there were two tables to serve instead of one). Ghost... well he's strictly work. Sometimes he engages in banter with the guys, but he only acknowledges you when needed.
Your first month flies by, you basically get paid to sit around and talk with the most charming men on the planet, and Simon.
"He'll warm up eventually. Just gotta loosen 'em up, just like any tight ass."
Soap smirked as he leaned against a counter while everyone was wrapping up for the night.
"Don't you have dishes to put away?"
Ghost snapped while wiping down his station. At least he was nice to look at.
You and Gaz would roll up the forks and knives talking about bullshit, knees touching. Soap and you would light each others smokes by touching one lit end to the unlit one, all while still holding the cigarettes in your mouths (he called it a cigarette kiss). Price would constantly make food for you:
"Gotta plump you up 'fore it starts getting cold, yeah?"
He'd look you up and down while sliding you a basket of fries. And Simon? Cold as ever. Even when he started driving you to and from work because your car broke down. He drove like a madman, but it was totally silent. You made the mistake of reaching for the radio once, he gave a admonitory grunt and you snatched your hand away.
As time went on, you got comfortable with everyone and they got comfortable with you. It started with suggestive jokes.
"Simon's just straightforward, doesn't beat around the bush."
Price said one day while prepping vegetables with Ghost.
"What are you talking about? He beats around the bush all the time Price, you know that."
Soap walked by with a shit eating grin while he was carrying a bucket of dishes to the back. Uproar from the guys. Ghost storms off following Johnny, knife in hand. You want to stop him, but Gaz places a hand on your shoulder.
"Best not to do that, just let 'em settle that amongst themselves."
Johnny comes back disheveled, wearing a different shirt. Simon is stone faced as usual as he goes back to prep. It only got worse after that.
You'd watch as the boys messed with each other more; pats on the back, that turns to squeezes on the shoulders, that turned to slaps on the ass.
"They're just handsy," you think to yourself.
Eye contact that lingers for a second too long.
"They're just close friends," you think to yourself.
Compliments that boarder on harassment.
"They're just joking around," you think to yourself.
Then you entered the walk-in freezer, only to make direct eye contact with Johnny as he has Kyle's dick down his throat.
"Oh, uh-huh..." you think to yourself.
You didn't look at their faces for a week, they acted as if nothing happened. Then, the flirting only got worse.
"Behind!"
Price would yell while grinding up against Simon's ass when passing behind him.
"Yes, Chef."
He'd respond while he continued cooking, unfazed. They seemingly shared clothes: the younger guys preferred to don John and Simon's apparel all the time. You stopped going into the walk-in for a while, you figured you'd give Gaz and Soap some privacy (although they didn't seem to mind an audience). Christ, was everyone fucking everyone here?
You were taking a smoke break with Price when he leaned back on the railing and adjusted himself, it wasn't really adjusting himself as it was more him gripping his thick dick and looking directly into your eyes. You nearly choked as he smiled.
Ghost threw you a hoodie when he dropped you off one night. It started raining before you got home and you were complaining about just getting your hair done. You tried to give it back but he refused to take it.
"Keep it. I don't care about that one anyways."
He shrugged. You'd wear the oversized hoodie to bed, the smell was comforting. Smoky, dusty, boozy, like Javanese vetiver. It smelled like a grown man. Delicious. Accidentally wore it to work one day when you were in a rush getting ready. That started a trend for the rest of them to get you to wear their clothes. It less of a trend and more of a competition honestly. They'd "accidentally" spill drinks or food on you.
"No worries, I've got an extra shirt in my car!"
They'd have a wide, cheeky smile plastered on their faces while giving you their shirt. Of course, they wouldn't take them back either; so you had a growing collection of huge shirts that you'd wear around your apartment. Eventually, you had to go back to the walk-in. Thankfully, there were no exhibitionists present. You were reaching to grab some ketchup when the door opened. You and Johnny stared at each other for a long moment.
"Need help getting that, bonnie?"
Before you could respond he was reaching over you, pressing his chest on your back. He handed you the bottle while his dick grew hard on your ass. He was breathing hard in your ear, waiting for your reaction. You pushed back on him and that's all he needed, he gripped your hips and grinded into you. Even through your jeans you could feel his dick twitch when you moaned. It was a hot minute of panting while he pulled you back onto him desperately, like he was trying to fuck you right through the denim. The door handle clicked. You both froze, staring at the entryway.
"Johnny?"
Gaz's head popped in. Your face got hot while he stared back and forth at the two of you. One thing led to another, and your pants are around your ankles while Johnny is face first in your wet folds. Kyle is standing behind you, fucking your thighs and leaving sloppy kisses on your neck.
"Pretty doll, how long have ye bin waiting fur this, huh?"
Soap looked up at you with so much adoration, like he was servicing a goddess.
"Gonna cum Johnn-"
Gaz whimpered and bit your shoulder to muffle his groans as he came right between your thighs and cunt. Soap cleaned up the mess greedily, savouring the taste of both your juices. He didn't stop eating you out until you finished. Gaz held you up while your knees buckled when you came undone. Gentlemen they are, pulled up your pants for you and wiped the smeared lipgloss from your face. You stumbled out of the freezer, walking past the kitchen. Price's eyes crinkled as he saw you head out onto the floor.
~
"You shouldn't do that in there. It's unsanitary. And a health code violation."
Simon looked straight ahead as he weaved between cars. You opened your mouth, but no words came to mind, so you just nodded. Your leg bounced nervously. He grabbed your thigh, stopping the movement. His hand stayed there until you were in front of your place. You stared at him, his brown eyes boring into you.
"G'night."
He pulled his hand away, placing both of them on the steering wheel. You walked into your apartment, dizzy with confusion. "What the fuck is going on?"
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osarina · 6 months
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ᡣ𐭩 HE'S THE SERPENTINE, HE'S MY COLLAR!
FEATURING: dazai osamu
SUMMARY: you're finally back in yokohama after spending three years abroad dealing with mori's foreign business. the last person you want is to see dazai osamu, the wounds of his abrupt betrayal still too fresh for comfort. unfortunately, he decides to take matters into his own hands by showing up at your office in the middle of the night.
(wordcount: 7.1k; ņsfw; fem!reader; port mafia executive!reader, f!receiving oral, gunplay, knife play (ish), spitting, pussy drunk!dazai (as always), light choking, overstim, office sex, semi-public/public sex, unprotected sex, switch!dazai, switch!reader, undertones of angst (happy ending). lmk if anything is missing!)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: guys. GUYS. i had so much fun writing this, this is finally usurping in paper rings and picture frames as my fav fic that i've written. HAHAHH. i hope you guys like it too!!
You hear the door to your office swing open, and you press your lips together tightly, irritation swimming through your head as your grip tightens on the pen you’re using to fill out your paperwork. It’s already late—you’re tired and your head hurts, but you can’t leave the building until Akutagawa comes to hand you the report for his failed mission so you can pass it up to the boss. And you know that whichever subordinate this is, it’s definitely not Akutagawa because the boy would rather claw his own throat out than walk into your office without knocking. 
Which means it’s some upstart new recruit who has no manners and is likely going to make your night worse. You think being away for so long did some real damage to your reputation—three years ago, the lower ranked mafiosos avoided your floor like the plague, they didn’t barge in like they owned the place, but then again, you also had a certain dark-haired executive (ex-executive now, you remind yourself bitterly) lurking around your floor constantly trying to get your attention, and if people weren’t nervous enough about you, they were definitely terrified of him.
“Five seconds to explain why you came into my office without knocking or I’m putting a bullet through your fucking skull,” you say, voice acerbic, not even bothering to look up, the fingers of your free hand closing around the gun you have holstered at your side. 
“There’s a few too many cameras in the hall for my liking to stand out there and wait for you to open the door.”
The fact that he manages to dodge the bullet shot in his direction is testament to his skill, but you’ve known Dazai Osamu long enough to know that when he dodges to the side, nine times out of ten, he dodges left, so you drop your pen as soon as you pull the trigger and swipe the knife laying haphazardly on your desk, launching it in his direction. You watch as his eyes widen just a bit when it impales the wall right next to his ear, just barely nicking his skin—both a warning and a threat.
“My, my, bella, you’ve gotten faster the past few years,” Dazai grins, unperturbed, smile as reckless and lazy as the day he left four years ago as he plucks the knife from the wall. “I’ve missed you too.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Dazai?” you ask, voice cold and sharp as your finger rests against the trigger of your gun. “How did you get up here?”
“Security’s gotten lax since I’ve been gone, I guess,” Dazai shrugs, but his eyes dance with mirth as he makes his way over to your desk. “You should probably do something about that.”
“Dazai,” you say, keeping your voice low and trying to reign in your temper. There are no cameras in your office, but the hall leading here is littered with them, hidden ones that were recently installed that he wouldn’t know about, if any one of them caught his face and it’s reported to Mori… “You think I won’t drag your ass to Mori myself? What the fuck are you doing?”
You’d have to, or it would be your head on the line for betraying the Port Mafia—you know better than anyone the treatment that traitors get, considering you were the one that dealt with them up until you were sent abroad three years ago to handle Mori’s foreign politics. 
“I don’t know, will you?” Dazai counters, head tilted to the side as he takes a seat on top of your desk next to you, a smile on his face that makes you think he knows something that you don’t.
“Maybe,” you answer, finger twitching on the trigger as you keep your gun pointed in his direction. 
Dazai is completely unbothered, leaning down until his nose is nearly brushing yours, lips tugged up in an unbearable smirk. 
“Then do it,” he challenges, and you glare at him, jaw tight and eyes hard. He reaches out, fingertips brushing your skin, and you feel like you’re on fire beneath his touch. You hate that your body still betrays you to him. “Don’t look at me like that, bella. I won’t even resist, I promise, as long as you promise to be the one to put a bullet through my skull, so your face can be the last thing I see. Ah, that would be a lovely death, wouldn’t it?” 
“You’re a fucking freak, Dazai,” you spit out, but make no move to get up or grab your phone. “What is wrong with you?”
Dazai doesn’t respond, only winking at you. Instead, his gaze shifts to the side and his hand drops from your face to his lap again. You hate even more that you miss his touch immediately. 
“You still have my couch,” Dazai notes to himself quietly, an odd tone to his voice as he stares at the dark couch in the far corner of your office, where he’d bundle himself up under blankets to avoid Chuuya, because Chuuya used to avoid your office like the plague when the three of you were younger.
“It’s my couch,” you say tightly, even though you know no one has touched it since Dazai left, and the ugly orange blanket he liked so much is still draped over the back of it, and it probably still smells like him. Your throat feels swollen, and you steel away your emotions and continue with, “I’ve hardly been back here since you left, anyway. What do you want, Dazai?”
“I heard you were finally back in Yokohama,” he says. “I wanted to see you.”
“Fuck off,” you say roughly. “So you decide to break into the main base of the Port Mafia and come all the way up to my office? You know where my apartment is, you could’ve shown up there. What do you really want?” 
“It’s the truth,” Dazai says easily, and his dark eyes meet yours—both of them, you note, and wonder when he decided to shed the bandages that covered his right eye. “I was at your apartment for a bit, I got impatient and came here instead.”
He’s telling the truth.
Oh, you realize—the clogged feeling in your throat is coming back, you force it away again and lean back in your chair, looking away from him to turn your gaze to the window. It’s well past midnight already, the moon is high in the sky and the stars are glittering above. In the distance, you can see the Ferris Wheel of Cosmo World glowing a bright purple color and a string of flashing red and blue lights as the police chase after someone.
“Why?” you ask finally, breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the two of you. 
“I told you,” Dazai says quietly, and your eyes turn back to him. He looks… happier, you can’t help but note. A sick part of you feels jealous—you’re not sure if you’re jealous because he’s free and you’re still stuck in this place, or if you’re jealous because he’s happier and he’s happier in a life without you. You think it might be the latter. “I miss you.”
“Don’t give me bullshit, Dazai,” you snap, still trying to push away all of the feelings you’ve repressed for so long. “Get out of here before you find yourself killed. I’m not going to turn you in, but I’m not saving you if you get caught.”
“It’s not bullshit,” Dazai tells you, voice sharp in a way that it only ever is when he’s starting to get annoyed. “I-”
A knock at your door cuts Dazai off mid-sentence. Both of you freeze, Dazai looks at you as if waiting to see what you’re going to do, and you can so easily finish this now, let whoever is at your door in and drag Dazai back down to the torture room where he belongs, but instead you find yourself reaching for him. Your hand intertwines with his hair roughly, and you revel a bit in the hiss that escapes his lips as you yank him off the desk and roll your chair backward, kicking the back of his knee so that he crumples to the ground and you can push him beneath your desk. 
You lower your gun to your lap so you can keep it pointed at him and then glance down at him—he looks caught off-guard and disgruntled at being manhandled, but you think it's a bit funny how cramped he looks under there. 
“Not a single word,” you warn before fixing your chair and raising your voice. “Come in.”
Akutagawa wastes no time stepping into your office, nodding his head in respect as he makes his way over to the chair on the opposite side of your desk, a bundle of papers in hand. He doesn’t hand you the pile right away and he looks uncharacteristically nervous, and you raise your eyebrows, wondering what the issue is. 
“I am… unsure how to fill out some of the report,” Akutagawa says, unable to meet your eyes as he stares at the windows behind you. “The operation was… not a failure but not a success. The whole mission was in disarray, I do not know who was doing what at certain points.”
You stare at Akutagawa. “What do you want me to say to that?” you ask him, leaning back in your chair. “It’s your job to know that as the field officer for the mission. If you can’t handle that, Hirotsu will take back the position on the next major operation.”
Akutagawa bristles. “I can handle it,” he says, voice clipped. “This mission was just more chaotic than-”
“Than usual?” you ask idly, watching as he stiffens as your interruption. “This was child’s play, it’s unlike you to make excuses, Akutagawa.’
“I’m not making excuses,” he says immediately, “but…”
Akutagawa continues talking, but your attention is ripped away when you feel Dazai shift beneath the desk. You press your lips together tightly, stiffening as his hands rise to your thighs, spreading them a bit so he can settle between them. You glance down, he’s already peeking up at you, dark eyes glittering in a way that has you on edge. 
Don’t you dare, you warn silently, but Dazai only takes it as further encouragement, pressing his lips to your clothed inner thigh, you can feel the warmth and wetness through your slacks. It takes all of your self-control to not inhale sharply when he starts trailing open-mouthed kisses up your thigh until his mouth is hovering right above your cunt. 
You press the muzzle of your gun against his temple. 
He smiles. 
Your jaw clenches as he licks a long stripe between your legs through your slacks, making sure to press his tongue down hard over where your clit is hidden through your clothes. Akutagawa is still talking, oblivious to what’s happening beneath your desk as he airs his complaints about the mission. You could stop Dazai, place your foot on his shoulder and push him off of you, but you don’t, notably—you don’t want to acknowledge that though. You only vaguely hear Akutagawa’s issues, something about interference from a third party—the SDUP? What the hell were they doing there?— and Kajii blowing up an escape route. 
“Give me the report,” you say, cutting him off mid-sentence, and holding out your hand. You’re grateful that your voice comes out steadier than you feel with Dazai trying to tongue fuck your through your pants. 
As you lean forward to rip the papers from Akutagawa, you tense, feeling something sharp press against your inner thigh. Sitting back in your seat and glancing down, your eyes cut down to Dazai, who still has the knife you’d thrown at him and is using it to cut open your very expensive slacks.
You have half a mind to drive your foot into his face, but you refrain. If only barely.
It’s a miracle that you can keep your breath steady, because as Dazai cuts your pants, he kisses every inch of open skin that’s revealed to him. His lips are warm, wet, familiar—so familiar that your legs are instinctively spreading for him, giving him more room to work.
Your eyes scan the report but the words are just jumbled letters and not making any sense. Every time you try to understand, you feel Dazai’s teeth graze your thigh as he marks up your skin. You tense when you feel him bring the knife much closer to your cunt, to finish cutting off the material—you press the muzzle of your gun harder into the side of his head, warning him to be careful. You glance down only to see a hazy smile on his lips as he winks up at you, as if he’s drunk just off of the idea of what’s about to happen.
He works efficiently as always, freeing your lower body of your slacks and panties as quickly as possible, and he wastes no time burying his face between your legs. Your lashes flutter and the grip you have on your pen tightens dangerously, you think it might snap. Dazai’s tongue slides between your folds, lapping up the slick that had begun to pool—you know that if Akutagawa wasn’t sitting a few feet away, Dazai would be making a snide comment about how he knew you wanted him.
Dazai’s tongue flicks over your clit—you can feel him staring up at you, watching for every little reaction, the way your lip tightens as you bite back moans, the way your eyelids unconsciously start to slide shut, the way your breath is just a bit heavier than it usually is. 
This is so dangerous, you think to yourself desperately. If Akutagawa of all people figures out that Dazai is here-
You nearly choke when Dazai shifts a bit underneath the desk to kneel at a better angle, grateful that Akutagawa seems to be too busy wallowing in his own mistakes to notice your struggle. Your gaze  snaps down again, his eyes have fluttered shut as he buries his face deep into your cunt, nose pressed to your clit as he pushes his tongue into your hole and you can feel the way he lets out a silent, but shaky breath, barely holding back a moan.
You notice his free hand slide from where it was propped on your thigh down to his beige pants, fingers fumbling with the button as he desperately tries to slip his hand beneath his waistband to touch himself. You kick his wrist hard, using your foot to pin it against the side of your desk, watching him wince and withdraw his hand, looking up at you with those big brown eyes you can never say no to. 
God, he’s pathetic, his lashes are wet and his cheeks are flushed, eyes glossed over with pleasure as he looks up at you and you know you’ll let go of his wrist if he looks at you like that any longer, so you turn your gaze back up to Akutagawa, who’s staring at his lap and waiting for you to finish the report.
“Get out,” you tell him, voice sharper than you intended. Akutagawa’s eyes snap up to you, brows furrowed in confusion. “Go, I’ll handle this.”
“But-”
“Your job is to take orders, not question them,” you bite out, watching frustration flash across the boy’s face as he rises to his feet. You’re not usually this harsh with the kid, but you’re not sure how much longer you’re going to last and Akutagawa cannot be in here when you cum. You can feel the heat pooling in your stomach and that familiar hazy feeling clouding your mind. “Out, Akutagawa.”
Akutagawa inhales sharply but nods, turning stiffly on his heel to leave your office. As soon as the door to your office clicks shut, Dazai is pushing the chair backwards until the back of it hits the windows behind you, shifting into a more comfortable position as he resumes fucking you with his tongue in earnest. 
He moans into you, wanton and shameless, any restraint he had because of Akutagawa’s presence is long gone. While he was careful to not make noise before, now the sloppy sound of his tongue dragging in and out of your cunt drowns out any other noise in your office, he sucks and slurps, he’s so disgusting, like he can’t get enough of the taste of you, a man who’s been starved for years.
The knife clatters to the ground as he reaches up with both hands to grab your thighs, sliding them over his shoulders so he can push his tongue even deeper inside of you. Only sheer pride drives you to push away the creeping fog as Dazai’s tongue slides back up between your folds to draw figure eights around your clit.
“I should pull the fucking trigger, pulling this shit when he was in here,” you spit out, head falling back as a breathy noise escapes your parted lips when Dazai sucks gently at your clit. He moans again, as if the idea itself turns him on—it probably does, he’s always talked about wanting to die between your thighs. “You’re a fucking freak, Dazai.” 
He lets out a puff of air, you can’t tell if it's a laugh or another moan, maybe a mixture of both, but he’s too focused on drowning in your cunt to respond. Four years without him and you’ve forgotten just how good Dazai is with his tongue, working your body as easily as he did when the two of you were eighteen and seeking each other out before meetings and between missions for a quick fuck. You hate it—you hate that he’s treating you as if nothing has changed and you hate even more that your body is this responsive to him. 
Betrayal, you think, your own body betrays you for him. Again.
“Fuck,” you gasp the word out when Dazai rolls your clit between his teeth gently, sending a jolt through your body that throws you off just enough for that fog you’ve been fighting off to finally win. You choke over a moan, head pressed back against your desk chair, forearm coming up to press against your forehead as your eyes slide shut. Your free hand finally finds its place in his hair, tightening around his dark locks, he lets out a whimper against you, tongue flicking over your clit. “Like that. Just like that.”
You can hardly keep your head on straight as he traces letters around the sensitive bud, you try to figure out what he’s spelling but you’re too far gone. Your head is light and your chest is heaving. You’re barely able to bite back moans as your thighs tighten around his head, hips rocking against his face. You don’t even know if he can breathe, you don’t think you care, so close to the edge that your entire body is tingling and trembling; you don’t think he cares either from the way he’s moaning into you.
It takes one last suck, one last swirl around your clit, and you’re crying out his name, spots dotting your vision as your grip on his hair tightens, pushing his face impossibly deeper into you as you grind your hips against his face. God, it feels never-ending, a noise too close to a sob nearly escapes your lips as Dazai ardently laps up all of your cum, not letting a single drop go to waste. You can’t remember the last time you’ve cum this hard—with him, probably, you realize bitterly. None of the one-night stands you’ve had over the past few years have ever compared to him.
You’re still reeling even as you force yourself to straighten in your seat, not willing to let him know just how badly you’re thrown off by how intense your orgasm was. Your head is still spinning, vision still blurring, but you lift your leg and press your foot to Dazai’s shoulder, kicking him back and forcing him out from his position between your thighs. 
He grunts, looking thoroughly disgruntled as he falls back on his ass, pouting up at you as he tries to catch his breath. He looks debauched, lips swollen and wet, your cum smeared on the lower half of his face. His cock is straining against his beige pants and his eyes are still glazed over; he’s looking up at you with an expression that’s nothing short of reverent. 
God, he’s gorgeous. 
You hate him. 
You’ve missed him. 
You shift in your seat and Dazai is lifting himself to his knees, immediately leaning closer, a hazy smile on his lips as he angles his face up and pointedly parts his lips, sticking his tongue out. You know what he wants and the heat that had been slowly dissipating returns with a vengeance, breath catching as you look down at him.
“You’re gross,” you tell him, watching the corner of his lips quirk up even as he keeps his tongue out and waiting.
You don’t deny him. You never can. 
You shift forward, rising to your feet and reaching out to grab his chin, angling your face down. Your grip is too tight, it’ll leave bruises behind and you think that’s the least he deserves so you only tighten it a bit more as you lean over him. You don’t give him what he wants, not right away, letting the saliva gather on your tongue as you observe him, the way his pupils are blown wide and his chest is hardly rising and falling, as if he can’t even let himself breathe in anticipation.
Disgusting, you think again, but it’s fond this time, much to your displeasure.
You decide to put him out of his misery, letting the spit dribble from your mouth down to his. His eyes roll back as soon as it hits his tongue, and your hand slides from his chin to curl around his neck—not tight, just firm enough to feel the way his throat bobs as he swallows.
He lets out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering back open as he looks up at you, entirely blissed out. Your hand slides down more, curling around the ugly bolo tie he’s wearing in place of the black one you’re used to. You tug it hard, beckoning him to his feet; he acquiesces, albeit on shaky legs. 
Immediately, his hands find your hips as he pushes you against your desk, spinning you around to face it before his hand presses between your shoulder blades, pushing you down to bend you over it. Your eyes widen at the sudden change in demeanor, something you’ll never be able to get used to no matter how many times you fuck him; it always caught you off guard back then, it still catches you off guard now. He pulls off the remnants of your destroyed slacks and immediately is grinding his bulge against your ass, a low moan spilling from his lips. 
“How many people have you been with?” he suddenly asks, and you can hear him fumbling to unbutton his own pants. There’s an edge to his voice that you don’t like—something caught between jealousy and possessiveness, and you nearly want to scoff at it.
“What the fuck, Dazai?” you spit out, appalled and not expecting the question. “None of your damn business.” 
You turn your head to the side to rest your cheek on the desk, looking back at him from the corner of your eye. His eyes are still a bit hazy but there’s a tight expression on his face, reminiscent of the one that would be directed toward you whenever he stumbled in on you entertaining anyone other than him years ago. 
“Humor me,” he says, voice cold and eerily familiar. If you weren’t looking at him and if you couldn’t see the tan coat and bolo tie, you’d think you were talking to Dazai Osamu, Port Mafia Executive, and not Dazai Osamu, Detective. 
“A lot,” you finally tell him, feeling the way he stiffens behind you. “I don’t keep count. You?” 
You think he has some nerve asking when he’s probably slept around t-
“None.”
“Bullshit,” you snarl immediately. “How many? Don’t fucking lie to me, Dazai.”
“None,” he says again, gaze lifting from your back to meet yours, his eyes are dark—too dark, too still. Maybe he hasn’t changed as much as you assumed, because the way your chest swells with a confusing mixture of fear and arousal is far too familiar. “You’re the only one allowed to touch me.”
His gaze drags back down, with his pants unbuttoned, he lifts his free hand to caress the swell of your ass, a contemplative expression on his face as he stares down at you, his other hand still pinning you down to your desk. If your heart wasn’t thudding in your ears from sheer anticipation, you’d be irate over the fact that you were letting Dazai Osamu fuck you over your own desk in your own office, but you can’t bring yourself to care now.
“They never made you feel like this.” It’s a statement, not a question, and you want to scoff at his arrogance, but you can’t because he’s right. “They don’t know your body like I do.”
This time you do scoff. “You don’t know shit, Dazai. It’s been four years.”
Dazai’s eyes flicker back up to you, the way his lips curve up into a smile is dangerous.
“No?” he questions. 
A challenge. You never back down from one, not from him. 
“No.”
His smile sharpens.
“I know that after you cum for the first time,” he murmurs, rolling his hips forward. You bite back a moan when you feel the tip of his cock slip between your folds. “The second time comes right after.”
True to his words, your jaw falls slack and your entire body seizes as Dazai thrusts into you, splitting you right open on his cock. The moan he lets out is pornographic, and you wish you could see the way his head falls back and his eyes roll into his skull, but your own vision is white and you’re choking over a sob as you feel the familiar stretch of his cock against your walls.
“There you are.” Dazai has the nerve to let out a breathless laugh and another groan as he stills with his hips flush to your ass, feeling your walls spasm around him as you cum just from the feeling of him pushing inside of you. The hand he has placed between your shoulder blades slides up to curl around your throat. With a firm grip, he pulls you up so only your thighs are pressed against the edge of your desk, back flush to his chest as you gasp, reeling from the suddenness of your second orgasm. You can feel him smile as he nudges his nose against the side of your head, lips pressed to your ear. “The third time takes a bit after the second, but I’ll fuck you through it. Maybe a fourth too.”
“Dazai,” you gasp, eyes blown wide as your head falls back against his shoulder. You don’t know what you’re trying to say, maybe hold on, or wait, because you know you’ll embarrass yourself if he doesn’t give you a second to recover.
He hums in response, and the slow rolls of his hips, the drag of his cock against your walls, it has your head in the clouds, body trembling. Your lips part to speak but no words leave them, and right when you think you can finally force the words out, Dazai draws his hips back and snaps them back against yours hard. Your lips part in a silent moan, only the hand around your throat and the one pressed to your lower belly holds you up as Dazai fucks you at a brutal pace. 
His face drops to the crook of your neck, he moans into your skin, teeth scraping hard as he kisses recklessly up and down every available inch. He’s going to leave marks, you realize, and that’s dangerous now that you’re back in Yokohama because you don’t need any of the other executives to get suspicious, but even if you wanted to tell him not to, you don’t think you’d be able to. Whatever little coherency you had left in your thought process does not translate when you try to speak, the only things leaving your lips being shaky moans and gasps of Dazai’s name.
“Made for me,” Dazai groans. His grip on your throat tightens just enough to make the air you breathe in shallow, your head feels light and you’re not sure if it’s because of his grip or if it’s the feeling of his cock bullying so deep into you that you can feel his tip pressing up against your cervix. “Waited so many years for this, feels even better than I remember, pussy’s made for me, isn’t it?”
Dazai babbles into your ear as he fucks you, tongue just as filthy and unbridled as the day he left. Shameless. He’s so shameless. Doesn’t even care that anyone could walk into your office and catch the two of you; doesn’t care that if anyone does, he’ll end up executed. He’s fucking you in a building full of people that want him dead and all he cares about is how your cunt feels wrapped around his cock.
Your breath hitches as Dazai shifts you to bend over just a little more, still keeping your back flush to his chest but fucking you at a new angle—one that nearly sends you spiraling over the edge for a third time. 
“Gonna give me your third now?” he pants. His hand on your lower stomach slips down, lithe fingers dipping between your folds to search for your clit—your back arches against him when he finds it, a sob spilling from your lips, vision swimming with tears. Dazai laughs again, this one is strained, catching over a moan as your walls convulse around him. “Oh, fuck. Fuck, you’re so tight.” 
Unconsciously, his grip on your throat tightens, cutting off even more air. You can hardly breathe, you can hardly think—each thrust of his hips has your head spinning, ripping the little air you can inhale right out of your lungs. The tip of his cock rubs against that spongy spot inside of you every time he snaps his hips against yours, the quick circles he rubs on your clit are electrifying. 
Your cheeks are wet, breath ragged, vision spotty. One last thrust, one last circle, and you’re wrecked, sobbing out his name as your legs give out, only held up by the way he has your thighs pinned to your desk and his hand on your neck. You cum all over his cock so hard that you think you black out for a second, your mind fuzzy and pins and needles pricking all over your body.
Dazai doesn’t stop. He fucks you through your third orgasm, relishing in the way your body twitches and trembles, too sensitive for his touch. 
“Your fourth will come quick,” he gasps. His pace is erratic now, chasing his own release. Your ears are ringing, heartbeat thudding in your ears, the wet, sloppy sound of his cock driving in and out of you resounding through your office. “I don’t think I’ll last for five. Shit, shit, I’m close.”
You have to force yourself to move. You want to see him when he finishes. Your hand wraps around his wrist, nails digging into his skin to try to get his attention. It takes all of your will power to push the two words from your lips: “Flip me.”
He does. Without any sort of hesitation, his hand drops from your throat to your waist. His cock slips out of you for a split second and your cunt aches at the loss, but Dazai is immediately pushing himself back into you as he hoists you up by the thighs, sitting you down on your desk and wrapping your legs around his waist. 
Even through your blurry vision, Dazai is a fucking sight. His dark hair is matted to his forehead, pink lips swollen and wet, cheeks flushed. His eyes glazed over and half rolled back as he chases his high. God, he’s stunning. You’ve missed him. You’ve missed him.
You’re not thinking as you lift your hand to cup his cheek, sliding around to the back of his head to pull his face down to yours, moving on pure instinct. You drag him down to press your lips against his and Dazai is gone. The moment your lips touch his, he’s moaning into your mouth, hips stuttering against you as he spills his cum deep inside of you, and he’s right, because the moment you feel his cum filling you up, warm and thick, so much of it that you can feel it dribbling around his cock, the stickiness smearing against your thighs and ruining your desk, you’re pushed over the edge for the fourth time.
This one is weaker than the rest, not a single noise escapes you but your jaw goes slack and Dazai whimpers into your mouth when he feels your walls tightening around him again. But he takes advantage of your pliancy, pushing you back gently so that your back is flush to your desk. He follows you down, keeping his chest pressed to yours as he maps out your mouth with his tongue. He rolls his hips against yours, slow and deep, fucking his cum deeper into you as the two of you slowly come down from your highs. He slants his lips against yours to deepen the kiss, hand coming up to cup your cheek, his other sliding up and down one of your thighs. 
It’s too intimate. You tell yourself that you only let it happen because you’re reeling from overstimulation but you know it's a lie.
You don’t even know how long you stay in that position with him. It could only be a few seconds, a few minutes, it could’ve been an hour for all you know, laying on your desk with him pressed on top of you, kissing you so passionately that it makes your head spin as much as the orgasms did. 
Finally, you press your hand against his shoulder, signaling for him to get off of you. He does, albeit with a reluctant sigh. You stare up at the ceiling as Dazai shakily rebuttons his pants, making his way over to the closet where you still keep your spare clothes from when you have to stay over at the office to work. 
What did you do?
You’re hyper aware of how swollen your lips are, of the marks littering your neck, of the cum dribbling out of your cunt, staining your desk. 
If anyone finds out about this-
You don’t get to finish the thought, because Dazai comes back over to you. Neither of you speak as he takes a tissue to clean up his cum from your thighs and as it dribbles out of you, nor do you speak when he shifts you into a sitting position, helping you pull on a new pair of panties and a new pair of slacks.
He stands in front of you, dozens of indecipherable emotions rocketing across his face as his dark eyes search your expression for something. You don’t know what, and you don’t even want to look at him but you can’t draw your gaze away from him.
After what feels like forever, he finally speaks.
“I missed you,” he says, voice hoarse as he lifts a hand to cup your cheek. 
You turn away from his touch, ignoring the hurt that flashes through his eyes. 
“Why don’t you believe me? You think four years has changed how I feel about you? I thought you knew me better than that.”
“It’s been four years,” you say, and you hate that your voice wavers a bit. You blame it on still being hazy after your orgasm but you know it’s a weak excuse. You hate that he still has this effect on you after all these years. You hate that you always give into him, and you hate that you know you’ll never get enough of him. You want to hate him, but you can’t. “Knowing how to fuck me isn’t the same as knowing me as a person. I barely know you anymore. You barely know me. And it’s not like you were open with how you felt four years ago. So, forgive me if it’s a bit hard to believe, Dazai.”
“You wear the same perfume. You still shoot with your non-dominant hand for some god forsaken reason. Your lips still twitch whenever you get annoyed even though you do your best to stop it. You-”
“Stop.”
“You still talk to me like you hate me even though your eyes are all soft and you’re leaning in toward me.” Dazai doesn’t stop, and to your horror, he’s right—you had begun to lean in to him instinctively as he spoke. You try to shift away from him, but he follows, fingers grazing your cheek, chest brushing yours. You don’t pull away this time. “I still wear the same cologne you bought me for Christmas because it reminds me of you—I spent two months trying to figure out where you bought it when it first ran out. I don’t carry a gun around as often, but when I do, I still try to do that stupid flipping trick you tried to teach me when we were seventeen—I still can’t do it, almost shot myself in the knee last time I tried.”
The laugh he lets out at the last sentence is hollow. He hesitates, as if he wants to continue but isn’t sure if he should. You can feel his blunt nails scraping gently against your skin, his palm warm against your cheek. You want to pull away but you’ve missed him, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, and you find yourself sinking into his touch. You’ve always questioned why Mori sent you away for so long, angry because you figured he thought you were weak when it comes to Dazai and he didn’t want to risk anything. 
Only a few days back in Yokohama, and you’re already proving him right.
“I’m not the same person,” you tell him, something desperate edges at your tone. Desperate to convince him, or yourself, you’re not sure.
“I still love you,” he rasps, voice quiet as if he’s scared to admit it even to himself, and your heart is suddenly lodged in your throat as you stare up at him with wide eyes, the words he refused to tell you back when you were teens ringing through your head over and over again. “I’ve always loved you. Thought about you every day. I missed you so much.”
“I should hate you,” you say, swallowing thickly, unshed tears blurring your vision. “You didn’t even say goodbye. When Mori said you defected in the middle of a mission, I laughed in his face. Not because I didn’t think you’d never betray the Port Mafia, but because I didn’t think you’d ever leave me without saying anything.”
“If I said goodbye to you, I never would have left,” Dazai tells you quietly, the admission echoing in your years. “And I had to leave. I had to.”
“I should hate you,” you repeat, voice a bit weaker now, and you feel pathetic for falling apart like this in front of him. But it’s Dazai, he’s always had this effect over you. You suppose some things haven’t changed, because that certainly hasn’t. 
“I know,” he murmurs. 
You inhale deeply, shaking your head as you push yourself off your desk and straighten out your clothes, trying to get your head back on straight. You should’ve known better than to think you’d be able to come back to Yokohama and pretend that Dazai Osamu didn’t exist, for better or for worse, the two of you would always find your way back to each other. Mori was right to send you away, although you suppose the man is rarely wrong anyway.
Dazai doesn’t say anything, watching you with an unreadable expression as you search through the ruined piles of paper on your desk for the report that Akutagawa had handed you. Your eye twitches when you realize that it’s stained, realizing that you’re going to have to rewrite the whole thing because you can’t submit a cum-stained report to Mori.
Dazai snorts behind you, as if realizing your predicament. The look you give him is lethal, he silences himself quickly. 
“Don’t get yourself killed on the way out,” you tell him, grabbing your black jacket off your chair and swinging it over your shoulders as you look back at him. “If you make it out of here alive, I’ll see you at my apartment later. Then we can talk.”
His face twists. “What? Wait, don’t leave me here,” he panics, nearly tripping over his feet and your desk chair to follow after you. “Help me sneak out.”
“You got in here yourself,” you say dismissively. “Get out yourself.”
The noise he lets out is pathetic. “You do hate me,” he accuses. 
“No, I could never,” you admit quietly. His expression softens a bit, but you give him a sharp smile. “But I’m definitely not going to make things easy for you. Akutagawa is still out here prowling around. So is Chuuya, actually. Said he’d be at the office all night today. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.”
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boowritess · 3 months
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part 1 hehe
notsobaddasssoldier!reader that is so incredibly under prepared for everything. and the 141 really do forget that you're actually still very green - very new to this life.
especially with things like interrogation.
for once, price is putting you on the sideline BUT you have to interogate the person they have captive for valuable information.
they'll give you whatever things you need in order to pry out any sort of information from the captive. they don't even second guess you asking for a guitar. they get one then they continue on with the mission while you interrogate the person.
their expectation may have been very high. they were betting on all the little fun bloody pain you could potentially do to the captive. seriously,
"knife, they're a knife person" *ghost*
"definitely not. fire. they're definitely using a blowtorch on em as we speak." *soap*
"sod of the both of ya - waterboarding. for sure." *gaz*
"choking." *price shrugs*
obviously, they were excited to come back and see who was right...
it really humbled them to see they were all wrong.
"please make them stop. i'll tell you whatever you want"
*captive yelling that can be barely heard over reader.*
"AHHHHHHHHHH *strum strum* AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH *strum strum* AHHHHHH-"
*reader who is loudly strumming the guitar out of tune, screaming in the captives' face over and over again.*
the guys don't know if they should be impressed or concerned. they were gone for nearly 5 hours.
5 hours you had been screaming in the captives' face 'playing' the guitar.
later on you get a lesson from ghost about what interrogations are supposed to be like - it ends with you vomiting and price patting your back and gaz holding a bucket to your mouth.
"what did you think was gonna happen when ghost showed ye what to do?" *soap*
"i don't know... go boo?" *scarred reader*
yeah... you're not allowed to do interrogations anymore or be involved in interrogations- you are also most definitely not allowed to talk to captives or guard them because -
"why're you doing this?" *captive*
"honest to god, i ain't got much goin' for me and i had hella stu-"
*reader's mouth suddenly gets covered, gaz looking at you like an idiot*
"hm? what is your little task force plan, huh? go on and blow the place?" *captive*
"well actually no. they plan too-" *your mouth gets covered just in time and you're getting dragged out the room by a very frustrated price*
you very much get ANOTHER lesson about what NOT TO DO when in the same room as a captive - it's pointless though because you're still not ever allowed in the same room alone with a captive.
HAHAHA
i can't stop thinking of reader who is watching a captive be interrogated for information by getting choked and reader just piping up like
"i don't think they can breathe..."
*ghost, long exhale, continues choking captive*
"that's the point, kid" *price*
"oh..."
*they continue choking the captive, waiting for them to crack-*
"if they can't breathe how are they going to talk-?"
"out." *ghost snaps pointing at the door.*
maybe they do give you a second shot at attempting to interrogate the captive. the 'correct' way this time, though. giving you ALL the necessary tools...
and you are ready, you're pumped. you can do it. you're not going to vomit - you're going to do it right.
you grab the pliers and walk towards the captive who is obviously panicked, very much expecting you to do your worse. which you are.
you grab their mouth and force their mouth open, ready to pull their teeth out - sucking a deep breath in as the captive starts to cry and beg.
but then you start to cry and beg.
"please just tell me the information i don't wanna do this"
"you don't have too!" *captive, crying and begging too*
"i do! i'm sorry..."
"no." *captive*
"yes."
"no" *captive starts screaming, making you start screaming as you pull on their tooth both of you staring at eachother and screaming your heads off.*
"I'M SORRY!"
"STOP!" *captive*
"I CAN'T!" *pulls tooth with pliers* "EW EW EW EW-"
you don't even do it right. you're pulling at their tooth with pliers and you're not strong enough so you're awkwardly just tugging the captives head. but the both of you are too busy screaming and begging to notice...
but you actually manage to successfully get the information - you're still not allowed to do interrogations... only being the very last option.
it does mean that you have to go on missions... even if you're useless omg idea?
*gasp* someone claims reader is a traitor - oop?
more parts, perhaps?
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a/n: wrote this while trying to work through an anxiety/panic attack !! xx honestly tho these would be my genuine reaction. btw drink water and try sleep cause i can't xx
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snubbullls · 1 year
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reasonsforhope · 4 months
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Double dose of articles about how crime is actually plummeting
From the UK:
"Seventy-eight per cent of people in England and Wales think that crime has gone up in the last few years, according to the latest survey. But the data on actual crime shows the exact opposite.
As of 2024, violence, burglary and car crime have been declining for 30 years and by close to 90%, according to the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) – our best indicator of true crime levels. Unlike police data, the CSEW is not subject to variations in reporting and recording.
The drop in violence includes domestic violence and other violence against women. Anti-social behaviour has similarly declined. While increased fraud and computer misuse now make up half of crime, this mainly reflects how far the rates of other crimes have fallen.
All high-income countries have experienced similar trends, and there is scientific consensus that the decline in crime is a real phenomenon.
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The perception gap
So why is there such a gulf between public perception and the reality of crime trends? A regular YouGov poll asks respondents for their top three concerns from a broad set of issues. Concern about crime went from a low in 2016 (when people were more concerned with Brexit), quadrupled by 2019 and plummeted during the pandemic when people had other worries. But in the last year, the public’s concern about crime has risen again.
There are many possible explanations for this, of which the first is poor information. A study published in 1998 found that “people who watch a lot of television or who read a lot of newspapers will be exposed to a steady diet of crime stories” that does not reflect official statistics.
The old news media adage “if it bleeds, it leads” reflects how violent news stories, including crime increases and serious crimes, capture public attention. Knife crime grabs headlines in the UK, but our shock at individual incidents is testament to their rarity and our relative success in controlling violence – many gun crimes do not make the news in the US.
Most recent terrorist attacks in the UK have featured knives (plus a thwarted Liverpool bomber), but there is little discussion of how this indicates that measures to restrict guns and bomb-making resources are effective."
-via The Conversation, May 13, 2024
And the United States:
"[The United States experienced a spike in crime rates in 2020, during the pandemic.] But in 2023, crime in America looked very different.
"At some point in 2022 — at the end of 2022 or through 2023 — there was just a tipping point where violence started to fall and it just continued to fall," said Jeff Asher, a crime analyst and co-founder of AH Datalytics.
In cities big and small, from both coasts, violence has dropped.
"The national picture shows that murder is falling. We have data from over 200 cities showing a 12.2% decline ... in 2023 relative to 2022," Asher said, citing his own analysis of public data. He found instances of rape, robbery and aggravated assault were all down too.
Yet when you ask people about crime in the country, the perception is it's getting a lot worse.
A Gallup poll released in November found 77% of Americans believed there was more crime in the country than the year before. And 63% felt there was either a "very" or "extremely" serious crime problem — the highest in the poll's history going back to 2000.
So what's going on?
What the cities are seeing
What you see depends a lot on what you're looking at, according to Asher.
"There's never been a news story that said, 'There were no robberies yesterday, nobody really shoplifted at Walgreens,'" he said.
"Especially with murder, there's no doubt that it is falling at [a] really fast pace right now. And the only way that I find to discuss it with people is to talk about what the data says." ...
For cities like San Francisco, Baltimore and Minneapolis, there may be different factors at play [in crime declining]. And in some instances, it comes as the number of police officers declines too.
Baltimore police are chronically short of their recruitment goal, and as of last September had more than 750 vacant positions, according to a state audit report...
In Minneapolis, police staffing has plummeted. According to the Star Tribune, there are about 560 active officers — down from nearly 900 in 2019. Mannix said the 2020 police killing of George Floyd resulted in an unprecedented exodus from the department...
In Minneapolis, the city is putting more financial resources into nontraditional policing initiatives. The Department of Neighborhood Safety, which addresses violence through a public health lens, received $22 million in the 2024 budget."
-via NPR, February 12, 2024
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