#WILL NANDOR EVEN KNOW ABOUT HIM??? WILL GUILLERMO ASK NADJA AND LASZLO TO NOT TELL HIM???? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nanawritesit · 1 year ago

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WWDITS Headcanons: You Having the Opposite Aesthetic of Everyone Else at the Vampire Residence (fem!reader)

tw: vampires, blood, corpses, mentions of killing, mentions of virgins, immortality

you were brought into the house to work as nadja and laszlo’s familiar

after having so many familiars die on the job, they had pretty much lost hope that they would ever find one that was right for them

so when you of all people, with your brightly colored hair, glittery makeup, long nails, and hot pink platform boots, were still around after a few weeks, they knew you were special 💞

of course they had their doubts at first, thinking you were much too soft for the job based on your cute aesthetic, but you surprised them with how tough you were

you had no problem finding them victims, cleaning up blood stains, and disposing of corpses. the promise of eternal life was much too great for you to give up because of some gore

nadja is overjoyed to have another woman in the house, and quickly becomes more of a bestie than a boss (as long as you do all of your duties as a familiar too)

she requires you to attend weekly “girls nights” with her, the guide, and mini nadja, but even if they weren’t mandatory, you’d happily go along

sometimes you’ll get all dressed up and go clubbing, taking everyone’s drinks for them since they can’t ingest human food

you stick out like a sore thumb in your pink sequin mini dress and heels, the rest of them shrouded in black lace, but you have an amazing time regardless. they really know how to party!

but sometimes you just have sleepovers where you watch mamma mia and talk shit about all the men in the house

laszlo didn’t take you seriously at first. he never really saw the appeal of having a familiar, thinking he got along just fine without one, but wanted to please his good lady wife

he could never understand how nandor was so attached to guillermo. he was just some human who followed him around and did his bidding

that was, until you came along

he found it was really nice to have someone to practice his music with, to organize his library for him, to help him into his coffin every night… and after a while he really grew quite fond of you

which scared him, because he knew how fragile human life was

but that only made him want to keep you under his wing more, to protect you until the day him and nadja decided to turn you

they love having you accompany them on their nightly walks, carrying their parasol behind them as they bask in the moonlight

they’re super protective of you, especially from people who assume you’re an easy target because of your looks

like, if anyone tries to mess with you around them, lazslo will yell at them to go fuck off, and nadja will practically go feral and rip their heart out

you’ll have to BEG her not to hurt them for her to even CONSIDER letting them go 💀

nandor pretty much falls in love with you upon first sight

he absolutely adores your style, loving how unique it is compared to anyone else he knows

he tries and fails to flirt with you all the time while you’re working, until nadja eventually yells at him to leave you to your chores, and he’ll scuttle away bc he’s scared of her 😀

he sometimes asks you to do his makeup like yours, saying he wants to “glitter like twilight”

his undead heart stops when you lean close to his face to do his eyeliner 🥺

he desperately wants to ask you out but is terrified of what nadja would do to him should you agree

she thinks you’re MUCH too good for him

he eventually goes to laszlo for help, since he’s such an “expert” on modern women 💀

he agrees to help him, but tells him that if you guys start dating and he hurts you, he’ll kill him 😗

guillermo is honestly just so thrilled to have another human in the house to sympathize with him 😭

the two of you quickly become partners in crime, dragging bodies down the stairs together and recruiting virgins for your vampires to feast on

he also wouldn’t hesitate to slay any vampire who tried to feed on you

you always stick up for him when the vampires aren’t taking him seriously, which helps since they all value your opinion tremendously

nandor gets a bit jealous when he finds out that you and guillermo get lunch together everyday 😭

guillermo admittedly gets a bit jealous when you’re turned into a vampire before he is, but is obviously very happy for you

but since nandor has such a soft spot for you, you’re able to convince him to turn guillermo sooner :) that way you can be a big happy vampire family forever

collin robinson thinks you’re quite entertaining, although he gets frustrated at the fact that you somehow always dodge all of his attempts to drain your energy

when you go out on the town with everyone, you have major scary dog privilege

when you walk by, people see a pretty pink princess 💞

and then they see the three huge, dramatically dressed vampires, one emotionless suited man, and one monster slayer walking behind you and they’re like oh shit nvm 💀

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits headcanon #nandor the relentless #laszlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #guillermo de la cruz #collin robinson #wwdits x reader #what we do in the shadows scenarios #what we do in the shadows fanfiction #nandor x reader #wwdits

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vampiric-transsexual · 1 year ago

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I’ve got a bit of a theory brewing in my noggin regarding the Guide. I’m placing bets that the Guide’s storyline points towards her villain arc. Hear me out-

In season 3 the Guide is appointed to assist the new leaders of the Vampiric Council, our Staten Island vampires. She has been an underling for the vampiric council for centuries and manages the Temple of Blood-Devourers.

She has followed the orders of many legendary councils, "the best of the best" as she refers to them. Now she is in the hands of a group of vampires who do not care about the rules and who violate the vampiric code by which they live at every turn. But she is required to help them and so she does.

In season 4, she quickly finds that she cannot control them. Laszlo and Colin destroy artifacts from the Chamber of Curiosities. Nandor and Nadja neglect to feed the sire and he escapes. She oversaw the sacred reliquary for hundreds of years and they dismantled all of it in a matter of weeks. Then Nadja suggests they turn the whole place into a bar. She is completely opposed to this idea and only comes around when Nadja tells the Guide that the liquidator of underlings of the Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council, Lord Tyractus (?), said that it would be better used as a bar.

This is of course a lie but the Guide cares what the Supreme Vampiric Council thinks of her and her dedicated work. So, she agrees to the bar. She can’t get her wraiths to help with converting the space into a bar because “they know what her heart really wants”. To help get through this mental block, Laszlo books her for a therapy session. That’s where we discover her history of falling in love with a Van Helsing. (I would also like to point out that the picture of the Guide with the Van Helsing in her flashback is the same one we see in the open credits for season 5) Her form of punishment is to serve the Vampiric Council as an underling for eternity. She explicitly tells Laszlo in her therapy session that “if anything gets changed here something very bad will happen.” Could this be hinting towards some greater power beyond her control?

Finally they are able to gut the chambers for Nadja’s bar. Nadja treats the Guide and her wraiths so poorly the whole time. Despite all this, she sticks by Nadja’s side. She does her best to fulfill her duties despite their constant mistreatment.

We learn in the beginning of season 5 that she is once again left waiting at the Vampiric Council. At this point she has mostly given up on trying to make them follow the legacy of the vampiric council. So instead, she pursues respect and admiration from the vampires. But she cannot make her way into the clique.

She wants to live with them, but they make up a fake excuse about there being zoning rules that limit four vampires to a house. Then she tries to support a depressed Nadja after the bar burned down from the fire Nadja started. The guide can’t get through to her, so she suggests maybe it is a hex. She asks Nadja if she has been unkind to anyone in her past. Nadja is in denial that she could have possibly hurt anyone, let alone the Guide.

The Guide knows witchcraft, so it would make sense that she placed this “hex” on Nadja. But is the hex even real? Or did the Guide just say that to scare Nadja into realizing her own selfish behaviors?

Now the Roast is where we see things shift for the Guide.

At the roast she tells Baron that Guillermo was the one who set him on fire, because she felt bad that he wasn’t in on the joke. She mentions how bad it feels to not feel included. But then she also tells the Baron that Guillermo is a Van Helsing. This I believe is purposeful.

They have neglected her, given her nothing to actually guide, and left her aimless. She ends up apologizing and admitting to Nandor and Nadja that she told the Baron that Guillermo burned him. But she purposefully leaves out that she told the Baron about Guillermo's Van Helsing blood, too.

In the end, she is an underling for the Vampiric Council. She will not risk everything for these vampires, because her loyalties lie with the Supreme Vampiric Council. I am theorizing that she may end up selling Guillermo out to show her loyalty to the Supreme Vampiric Council and as a way of getting some revenge on the vamps for how they’ve mistreated her. I believe it’s possible she could be working with this “mysterious, illustrious” vampire (possibly part of the Supreme Vampiric Council?) to lure Guillermo into a trap.

In the screen capture for the 9th episode, we see Guillermo and the Guide standing next to each other. I don’t believe the Guide has any good intentions towards Guillermo after seeing how she betrayed him by telling the Baron about his slayer blood.

I mean there’s only so long someone can put up with being left out of a friend group and being unappreciated.

Addition:

I mean, the Guide has barely been a part of the last few episodes. They added her to the main cast/opening credits but her character's only story so far is that she wants to be roomies with the vampires. She made no progress in her own story up until the Roast. She took matters into her own hands by divulging Guillermo's secrets.. and if she continues in that direction then she could very well become the villian. It just doesn't make sense to have so little story for a main cast member. They have to be taking a big jump with her character in these last two episodes. Otherwise the whole Nadja and Guide subplot will fall completely flat. And imagine Nadja's surprise when she finds out that the Guide was behind the hex?

#all aboard the delusion train #thanks to the discord server for planting this idea in my head #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #wwdits spoilers #what we do in the shadows spoilers

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mothguillotine · 1 year ago

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Is It Still Family Dinner If You Can't Eat?

When you wake up, the sun has just about gone down. Nandor is still sleeping, and during the night, you had moved to lay on top of his chest. You just lay there for a bit, enjoying the feeling of being pressed into Nandor. A few minutes later, you feel him starting to move.

"Good evening," you tell Nandor, looking up at him resting your chin on your hands, "I didn't realize that you are a cuddler."

"Why would I not?" he asks you, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't know," you say, "not that I mind it."

You both lay on the bed for a while, talking, until you hear a commotion down the hall. At first, you think that luckily, it doesn't involve you until your door is thrown open. Standing on the other side is Guillermo, who looks shocked.

"GUILLERMO!" You and Nandor yell at the same time.

"AHHH!" Guillermo shouts and covers his eyes.

"Shut the door!" You yell at him, which he does quickly.

On the other side of the door, Guillermo is looking directly into the camera, and he looks traumatized.

_________________________________________

Downstairs Nadja and Laszlo are sitting down in front of the camera, and they look pleased.

"Our plan, it finally worked." Nadja says smiling, "Our dear friends have finally fucked. After so many days of managing them they haven't been able to get their hands off each other."

They both stop for a moment and the sounds of moaning can be heard echoing from upstairs.

"Unfortunately an unforeseen consequence of this has been the noise." Laszlo says, "It has been making my dear wife and I very horny."

"I honestly don't know how much more I can take," she says, "you know what. I am done."

Nadja stands up and rips off her microphone. She leaves the room and Laszlo quickly takes off his own microphone as well. They both move up the stairs at a fast rate while the crew closely follows behind.

When they approach the door the sounds of moaning become louder and louder. The crew, still filming, watch as Laszlo knocks on the door and the moaning suddenly stops. A few moments later Nandor is peeking out of the door.

The crew is unable to hear anything said by the vampires but they continue to watch them. Nandor turns back into the room, presumably to tell you something, and then Nandor opens the door. Nadja and Laszlo move quickly into the room and the crew runs down the hall. When they get there they hear the moaning start back up with new voices.

_________________________________________

Later in the evening you and Nandor are sitting together on the sofa in front of the fireplace. You are both reading books that you found in the library. His arm is wrapped securely around you and is pulling you into him. The last few days have been spent together and honestly you are at the happiest you've ever been, the only thing that could make it better is having your best friend with you.

Over the last few days with Nandor you have been surprised with how much he's told you about his past. The stories range from twenty to six hundred years ago. He tells you about Al Qolnidar and his time as a general during the Ottoman Empire.

You tell him about how you moved from the Midwest when you were nine and moved to Staten Island. The entire time you are talking he is fully invested in what you are saying. It's nice to actually be listened to by someone and you never expected that person to be Nandor.

The one thing it felt like you didn't really talk about was what the thing between you was. It felt silly to call him your boyfriend, the man is over 600 years old and the term ‘boyfriend’ doesn't really fit him. You guys have fucked quite a few times and not once have you had a conversation about how you both feel.

“Master,” Guillermo says standing in the doorway, “Laszlo wishes to see you in the front yard.”

“Coming, Guillermo.” he says back and stands up, “I will be right back, my dove.”

You stay sitting at the sofa and check your phone. Still nothing from Oscar, you honestly expected for him to understand what had happened but you were wrong. Over the past few days you have realized that if Oscar doesn’t want to be in your life anymore you should let him go, as much as you want him in your life.

_________________________________________

Guillermo had been observing you over the last few days. He had noticed that while you were happy it was obvious something was bothering you. He knew what it was, given the amount you were checking your phone to see if Oscar had texted you back yet and honestly it was starting to concern him. Guillermo knew that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt Oscar and you did that, unfortunately.

Guillermo felt as though if Oscar could see how much you were hurting over what happened, your relationship may be repaired. What he also knew is that if you found out what he was planning you would stop him and so would any of the vampires, given how negatively he reacted the other day. So he would have to do this in secret. Guillermo puts his plan into action. He knows he needs a reason to get out of the house covertly. He quickly asks around to see if anyone needs anything from the store.

When he has his list of items that people need he exits the house. Outside Guillermo sees Nandor and Laszlo speaking with Sean on the front lawn. He just knows that this is gonna be tricky to get out of here without drawing attention to himself. He tries his hardest to sneak by unnoticed and stays in the shadows as much as possible while moving slowly. Unfortunately when Guillermo is nearly at the edge of the lawn he is seen by Sean.

“G-money,” Sean yells, “get over here. We were just talking about Nandors new girl, over here”

“Yes, we were just talking about my girlfriend.” Nandor tells him proudly when gets close to the fence.

“Your girlfriend?” Guillermo asks.

“Yes, Gizmo.” Laszlo says, “Keep up.”

“Okay, well anyways, Master, do you need anything from the store?” Guillermo asks, “Nadja asked me to-”

“Guillermo I am busy, please leave.” Nandor dismisses him.

“Okay master.” Guillermo says and turns to leave.

“Wait, Guillermo.” Nandor says and Guillermo is worried he is caught, “Can you get more candles? They make a very romantic atmosphere.”

“Of course, Master.” he tells him realizing that nobody actually cares if he leaves or not and this whole plan was a waste.

_________________________________________

After amusing Sean for a while and agreeing to go with him on a ‘guys trip’ the next weekend, Nandor was finally allowed to go back inside. Even though he longed to spend time with you he was forced to sit down in front of the camera.

“Over the past few weeks I have realized something. I think I have finally found the vampire I wish to spend the rest of my life with.” Nandor tells the camera, “After centuries of searching I am finally done.”

“I know that we have only been together for a short amount of time,” Nandor says, “but after being around for centuries I know when someone is right for me.”

_________________________________________

When Guillermo arrives at Oscar's apartment he takes a few moments before going to knock. He gathers himself and thinks about what he will tell Oscar, but when he goes to the door and knocks it's like all of his brain cells leave. Then Oscar opens the door and Guillermo really can't think of anyone to say.

“Guillermo, right?” Oscar asks, “What are you doing here? Are you going to kidnap me again? Because if you are, I really would prefer it if you didn't.”

“No!” Guillermo says suddenly, “I just want to know if you want to see her?”

“Listen, I know that she is upset but I don't know if I can be around her anymore. I can barely wrap my mind around the whole ‘vampires are real’ thing and on top of that my best friend is one.” he tells Guillermo, “I love her so much but it's just too much for me right now.”

“Okay.” Guillermo says.

“Really?” he asks, “That simple? You aren't trying to trick me or anything, right?”

“No, I just-” Guillermo starts, “I can get how it is a lot. I just wanted to tell you how bad she's been since you came over. She didn't tell me to come or anything. Honestly if she found out that I was here she might eviscerate me.”

“Well that would be a shame.” Oscar tells him, “You are too cute for disembowelment.”

“I- um… what?” Guillermo asks but Oscar just smiles.

“Do you want to come in and have some tea or coffee? or maybe something stronger?” Oscar asks him.

“uhh- yeah. That would be nice.” Guillermo says.

_________________________________________

At home you are cleaning up a bit, while Guillermo is using the one picking up, whenever the mood strikes you get into the zone. You decided to clean up the foyer and turn on some tunes.

Living with the vampires you do unfortunately the are absolutely fucking horrible at using techniques which means many things are out of date in the house. Such as instead of having a tv with spotify on it they had a historical record player.

This just did not work for you, mostly because the only music they had is original recordings. So when you moved in you brought your record player, with a variety of albums. For this particular job you knew that you needed a fun record so you decided on ABBA.

“YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN. YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY SEVENTEEN!!!” you sing.

“Are you singing a song from Mamma Mia?!” Nadja asks you excitedly.

“uh, yeah. I guess.” you tell her, “I mean this particular recording is the one from the band.”

“The band?” she asks.

“Well, yeah. The songs that they use in the movie are by the band ABBA.” You tell her.

“I want to hear more.” she tells you when the record comes to an end.

“Okay.” you tell her picking up your ABBA albums, “Pick out which one.”

You and Nadja spend time listening to your albums when you give up on cleaning, until Nandor and Laszlo return from outside. As soon as they get back in the house Lazslo and Nadja retire to their room. Which leaves you and Nandor by yourselves in the library.

“What took you so long?” you ask him when he sits on the couch.

“Sean, our neighbor, was very chatty tonight,” he tells you as you get pulled into his lap.

“Oh yeah? What did you talk about?” you ask, sinking into him while bringing your hand up to play with the ends of his hair.

“He wanted to talk about going up to his cabin next weekend for a ‘guys trip’.” he tells you, “he was also asking about you.”

“Oh, me?” You ask confused, “What did he say?”

“Well, he was just wondering who you were,” he tells you, “I just told him that you are my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?” You ask him, “I'm your girlfriend?”

You were right when you had thought it to be weird to refer to Nandor as your ‘boyfriend’ but the look on his face when he called you his girlfriend was unrivaled. Over the last few days, you had wondered what exactly your relationship was, and the idea that he decided to say that you were boyfriend-girlfriend was kinda funny.

“Is that not what humans call the people they are courting?” he asks you confused.

“No. I mean, yeah, it is, but I mean, you just never asked me to be your girlfriend.” You tell him.

“Oh, I just thought that the ‘stuff’ that we were doing meant you wanted to be with me.” he tells you and he looks sad.

“No, I do.” you tell him, “I just want you to ask me.”

“Okay. Will you be my girlfriend?” Nandor asks you.

“Yes, of course I will.” you tell him and go to kiss him. Both of you stay on the sofa for a while, chatting and kissing.

“Master!” Guillermo announces, “I'm back!”

“Oh, hey Guillermo,” you greet him when he enters the library, “Where did you go?”

“Oh, uh, just to the store.” he tells you, “Nadja needed some things.”

“Okay,” you say, “You found everything that you needed?”

“Oh yeah,” Guillermo says, “found it all.”

“Okay?” you say, starting to get suspicious. Guillermo may be able to trick the rest of your housemates but you could tell something was up.

_________________________________________

Guillermo was starting to feel really bad about what he had done. At first he had focused on helping your and Oscar's relationship but after a few glasses of wine he had lost the point of the conversation. He wasn't quite sure at what point it had led to his bedroom but it did.

Seeing you in the library had made him feel even more guilty than before. He wasn't supposed to be at Oscar's apartment much less fucking him. Guillermo honestly did know which one you would be more upset about.

He knew that ‘that’ couldn't happen again. No matter how much he enjoyed spending time with Oscar or how he honestly didn't feel that bad, but he felt bad about not feeling bad. It was just very confusing.

So he went over again to tell Oscar face-to-face why the next morning. Which, in hindsight, was a bad idea, because it led Guillermo to not saying anything and instead being invited in yet again.

This time though Guillermo loses track of time and when he finally looks at his phone he realizes it's nearly sunset.

“Shit,” Guillermo says looking down at his phone and suddenly stands up, “I have to go. It's almost time for me to get them up.”

“Okay,” Oscar says to Guillermo, “here's my number, you know, to text or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah.” Guillermo says, smiling.

“Yeah.” Oscar says handing him a piece of paper, presumably with his number on it.

“Okay,” he says when he gets a notification from Uber that his ride is here, “I have to go but I'll text you, yeah?”

“Perfect,” Oscar says as they walk to the door, “I'll see you later, Guillermo.”

Guillermo gives him a thumbs up and Oscar closes the door.

“Why did I give him a thumbs up?” Guillermo asks himself, “That was so stupid.”

He gets back to the house just in time to wake you all up and start work for the day. His first order of business was to wake everyone up from their slumber. After that he collects the mail from outside.

Recently Nadja has had a bit of an obsession with online shopping after you showed her and the state of the porch was proof of that. Many packages were stacked atop one another, most of them addressed to Nadja and some for you. The mail has a few things for Colin, a subscription called TopiaryMonthly for Laszlo, and a single letter addressed to you.

“Hey guys!” Guillermo calls, “The mail is here!”

“Coming!” Nadja vocalizes.

Guillermo watches as Nadja runs down the hall excitedly with Dolly.

“I bought you so much, my lovely bitch.” Nadja tells herself.

“Oh!” Dolly shouts, “I am so excited!”

Nadja hurriedly rips open her packages leaving a massive mess of boxes, bubble wrap, and tissue paper, which he knows he has to clean up. You arrive to collect your packages soon after Nadja leaves the foyer.

“Hey, which ones are mine?” You ask Guillermo.

“You have these three,” Guillermo tells you, handing the packages over, “and you have a letter.”

“Oh really?” You ask, “I haven't submitted my change of address form.”

You set your packages down, and Guillermo hands you the letter. When you take one glance at it, you know who it's from.

“Fuck.” you say exhaling.

“What?” Guillermo asks you.

“It's from my family.” you tell him and he looks concerned.

_________________________________________

“I wouldn't say I have a bad relationship with my parents,” you tell the camera, “We just don't always get along. Like normal families, I mean they yell a lot. More than even around here.”

When Guillermo first handed you the letter, it took your breath away for a second. They shouldn't know where you are and how they found you. You have no idea. The letter basically said that if you didn't come home soon, they would come here, and that definitely would not be good.

“I don't know what to do.” You say, “I can't exactly say ‘hey, mom and dad. I'm a vampire now.’ I mean, that's crazy, but it's true.”

You still haven't told Nandor everything about you, especially not the fact that your parents are crazy. In this life, you wanted them to not be involved. After years and years of being controlled by them, you wouldn't do it anymore. Which is why you end up on the doorstep of the home you grew up in.

You hold up your hand to knock but can't bring yourself to do it. Before you can turn to leave, the door bursts open, and behind it is your mom.

“Hey, mom.” you say.

“Where the hell have you been?” your mom says.

“I was just, you know, around.” You cover.

“Around where?” she asks, “I haven't seen you in over a month and have gotten barely any texts. Nani thought you were dead.”

“Ma, I'm fine.” You tell her, “I was just busy.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, “You look skinny.”

“Mom, I'm fine.” You assure her.

“Okay,” she says, “Well come in. Are you waiting for an invitation?”

When you walk into the house, it feels weird. A few months ago, when you had last seen the house, your life was so much different. Back then, you were more agreeable before you met Nadja, Laszlo, and Guillermo before Nador, when you were human still.

But you aren't human anymore and this house feels almost claustrophobic. The smells and sounds are overwhelming to say the least. Living in the house you have grown accustomed to the noises and smells of the old home, but this is overwhelming.

“Just sit at the table sweetie,” your mom calls from the kitchen and you sit down in the dining room, “We will bring out dinner.”

The smell of the food in the kitchen is enough to make you nauseous and the sounds in the house that you had never noticed before, were starting to overwhelm you. And when your parents bring out the food to the table it gets significantly worse.

“So, how has my little girl been?” your dad asks you.

“Good,” you tell him simply, “How are you?”

“We are good.” he says.

“Good.” you tell him.

All of you stay silent for a while, which is very awkward. You push your food around with a fork and bring it up every so often to take faux-bites.

“Do you want some to take home?” your mom asks.

“Uh, yeah,” you tell her, planning to give Guillermo them, “It will heat up good.”

Your mom stands up to get some tupperware for the food in the kitchen.

“So, we need to talk to you about something,” your dad tells you, “It's very serious.”

“Okay?” you ask confused, “What is it?”

“Well this isn't going to be easy to hear,” your father starts, and you can't help but hope that your parents are finally getting a divorce, “We are moving back home.”

“Okay.” you tell him, “That's it? You and mom are moving back home?”

“Well, no.” he says, “You are coming too.”

“What do you mean I'm coming too?” you ask him, “My whole life is here. My friends are here.”

“Well we are a part of your life too.” your dad says, growing more frustrated, “You are coming with us.”

“No, I'm not,” you tell him standing up suddenly from the table, “I am a fucking adult! I can choose where I live and you can't do anything about it.”

You decided to forego the leftovers and just go back home to your family. Before your mom or dad can say anything else, you slam the front door. After traveling down the road a bit so you are out of your parents' sight, you transform into a bat.

_________________________________________

Back at home it's quiet, Guillermo is texting away with Oscar, Nadja and Laszlo are working on a new song, Nandor is reading a new book you ordered for him about Al Qolnidar, and Colin is doing whatever the hell Colin does. So when you come inside the foyer Guillermo sees you right away, looking upset.

“Are you okay?” Guillermo says when he stands up to help you with your coat and bag.

“Yeah, I just,” you start to say, “my parents are just annoying. They want me to move back to Michigan with them. Which I obviously can't do, not that I want to.”

“What are you gonna do?” Guillermo asks you softly.

“I don't know,” you say, as you fall back on one of the chairs in the entryway, “Just try to get them to leave without me and if that doesn't work then hypnotize them.”

“Hypnotize them to forget about you?” Guillermo asks you, “What if your family asks about you? Then what? They just don't know?”

“Well no that wouldn't work.” you tell him, “What if I hypnotized them into just leaving?”

“That could work.” he tells you.

“But that's like the last choice.” you tell him, “I don't want to hypnotize them.”

“Yeah, absolutely. Only if we have no other choice.” Guillermo promises.

Masterlist

#nandor the relentless #nandor the relentless x reader #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #lazslo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #wwdits nandor #guillermo de la cruz #colin robinson #female reader

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darkshrimpemotions · 10 months ago

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A little Nandermo fic for February (the first of many).

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Ever since Guillermo got back from England, Nandor has been acting very strange. Guillermo hasn't said anything about it. He hasn't asked. But he's noticed. How could he not? He spent every day by Nandor's side for twelve years. He knows him, all his habits and moods and tells.

He knows when he's lying, or hiding. He knows when he's upset, when he's holding something back. He knows what it looks like when he's nervous, sad, disappointed.

What he doesn't quite know is why Nandor seems to cycle through all those emotions and then some whenever they're alone together these days.

It started when he was first let out of the shipping crate--a grievance he is still going to exact vengeance on Nadja and Laszlo for, one of these days. Nandor was happy to see him, transparently so. It took Guillermo’s breath away a little, actually, even in the midst of his anger. He'd been away from Nandor for an entire year, and so much had changed, and he was so angry at him–for leaving without Guillermo, for not looking for him or reaching out. But even with all that, the sight of him knocked Guillermo back a step, made him feel like he had to run before he got pulled back into Nandor’s orbit.

Of course, that didn’t exactly go according to plan.

One minute he was screaming goodbye forever, the next he was falling, screaming, no time to think or take a breath before he was plunged into freezing, putrid water, flailing, his clothes weighing him down too much to get to the surface…

And then there were arms around him, holding him tight, lifting him up. He’d clutched at the hands on his chest, afraid to fall, and realized with a shock that he knew those arms, those hands.

Oh, was his first thought. I’m okay. Nandor’s got me.

Then he was in the air, Nandor practically squeezing the water he’d inhaled out of him before he set him down gently and immediately went to fetch him a towel and robe, without even being asked.

When their eyes met as Nandor handed the neatly folded pile over to him, it was like an audible click, two matching pieces of a puzzle slotting into place.

Guillermo had told himself he was just glad to be back home.

But then Nandor got all cryptic and serious, announcing his wedding plans and asking Guillermo to be his best man with the same gravitas he'd once asked him to travel the world. And then...

Then he’d actually looked disappointed when Guillermo said he wasn’t jealous. Nandor was subdued the rest of the day, in fact, even as he showed off his treasure horde and threw himself into discussing his wedding plans. Maybe no one else would notice it, but Guillermo did.

And so the pattern had been set, and continued whenever they were alone together. When they’re wedding planning, or out on an errand, Nandor treats him so differently from before. He asks Guillermo’s opinions and actually seems to care about his answers. He remembers things, too, like that Guillermo needs to eat actual human food once in a while, and is supposed to have a day off each week. He laughs openly at Guillermo’s jokes now, instead of pretending to be annoyed by them.

Sometimes Guillermo will catch Nandor throwing him these little glances, too, his face open and delighted, just like that first night back. Like doing everyday, mundane things with Guillermo makes him so happy he can’t contain it behind his usual aloof façade.

Then, inevitably, he’ll meet Guillermo’s eyes and grow suddenly somber, devolving quickly into sad and distant. He'll start to fidget with his hands or his rings, avoiding Guillermo's eyes. Often he’ll suddenly recall something else he ought to be doing, and Guillermo won’t see him for the rest of the night.

Once could be chance, twice a coincidence…but Guillermo stopped counting after the sixth time this pattern repeated and he had to watch, bewildered, as Nandor ran off claiming he had forgotten an urgent favor for Laszlo.

It’s driving Guillermo up the wall.

The thing is, he has his suspicions as to what this is all about. Unlikely as they might have once seemed, he doesn’t think he’s wrong about those suspicions…and all he can think is why now? Why, after years of indifference to lukewarm tolerance at best, does Nandor have to choose now to look at Guillermo like he actually sees him? To act like he wants Guillermo’s undivided attention, craves it even?

A year ago, hell, even six months ago Guillermo would’ve done anything to have Nandor treating him like this. But now…things are different. Complicated. He isn’t the same perpetually single twenty-something virgin with no social life pining after the man who is both the embodiment and gatekeeper of all his dreams. He’s thirty-one, and no longer single. Or a virgin. And maybe he’s starting to have new dreams now.

His boyfriend Freddie, for example. He’s a dream come true! Smart, sweet, attentive. A great listener. Thoughtful. Selfless, effusive. Guillermo never doubts his worth or that he’s wanted and appreciated when it comes to Freddie. He’s never felt lonely with Freddie right next to him. He never has to beg for scraps of affection, or brace himself for sudden rejections. Freddie was open and explicit about his attention, right from the start. If anything, Freddie is too effusive, reducing Guillermo to blushing and smiling so hard it hurts on a regular basis with his open displays of affection, pet names, and easy I love yous.

And okay, sure, he doesn’t know everything about Guillermo’s life. But if that was a disqualifier, well, then Guillermo’d just have to die alone, because what sane person could he ever share the whole truth of himself with? Nice men don’t typically go for guys who spent their twenties aiding and abetting in hundreds of murders. And that’s what Guillermo wants, what he needs right now. Someone nice.

So why did Nandor have to choose now to start giving Guillermo the attention and appreciation he’s been begging for since he was nineteen years old?

And why can’t Guillermo stop looking forward to those evenings he spends with Nandor, collecting stolen moments alone?

It all starts to come to a head on a rainy night in February.

Freddie is five hours ahead, so they had their Valentine’s Day video chat earlier in the evening. Now here Guillermo is, with the whole night stretching out empty before him, alone on Valentine’s Day despite having a boyfriend for the first time in his life. He tries not to let it get him down, smiling at the text full of heart emojis Freddie sent before he went to bed and the flowers currently blooming in a vase on Guillermo’s night stand. They arrived without warning on the doorstep early that morning, along with a sweet card Guillermo currently has pinned to the wall above his bed.

He isn’t alone on Valentine’s Day, he reminds himself. Not really. He had his time with Freddie, long-distance though it was, and now he can go about his night and pretend as though nothing at all special is happening this evening.

But of course, it isn’t that simple. Guillermo’s life never is. When he opens the curtain that conceals his room he nearly has a heart attack, leaping back to put distance between himself and the looming figure standing in his doorway.

“Relax, Guillermo, it is only me! Yeesh!”

Guillermo pries his fingers off the stake he dove for and draws his hand out, leaving the weapon hidden beneath his pillow.

“You can’t sneak up on me like that, Master!” He grouses. Nandor gives him an apologetic smile.

“What did you need?” Guillermo asks. Immediately, he knows something is up when Nandor starts fidgeting with the ring on his index finger.

“I was wondering if you would accompany me this evening. On a…” he hesitates. “On a walk.”

“A walk? Guillermo asks, eyebrow raised.

“Fine, a hunt!” Nandor says. “I wish to have company as I hunt for dinner in the park, and I do not wish that company to be Laszlo or Nadja this evening. They are very annoying to be around this time of year.”

Ah. Right. That makes sense. Guillermo shudders to imagine what those two are like on Valentine’s Day, given how they are the rest of the year. Thankfully, he has never had to witness it firsthand.

Now that he thinks about it…he almost always ends up on some sort of solo errand with Nandor on Valentine’s Day. Maybe this is why? Nandor doesn’t want to third-wheel on Nadja and Laszlo’s dates?

He smiles up at Nandor, trying to parse the mixture of warmth and annoyance at the thought that they’ve had a tradition all this time and he didn’t even realize it.

“Sure, Master,” he says. “I’d love to go on a hunt with you.”

He tries not to enjoy the look on Nandor’s face at his response, or the way it makes his heart skip a beat. This is nothing out of the ordinary, he insists to himself. Not if they’ve done it every year as long as they’ve known each other. It’s like…their Thing. Their friendly, totally platonic thing that he has no reason to feel a twinge of guilt about.

He grabs that excuse with both hands, and goes to get his coat.

Spring is coming on early this year, the night unseasonably warm for mid-February. Guillermo actually steps back inside after feeling the temperature to toss his coat at the coat rack, knowing he’ll be sweating in the humid spring air in no time if he wears it. Other than that it’s a beautiful night, the nearly-full moon filtering down through a thin blanket of clouds, casting everything in shades of blue shadow and soft silver. The air in the park smells of melting snow, wet grass, and ozone, foretelling oncoming rain. But for now there’s only a slight breeze that teases at Guillermo’s collar, sending little tendrils of chill down his neck as he takes two steps to keep pace with each one of Nandor’s long strides.

Nandor has been uncharacteristically quiet since they entered the park, but the silence feels comfortable between them. Easy. He keeps stealing glances at Guillermo when he thinks Guillermo isn’t looking. He’s also sticking to Guillermo’s side like glue, their arms or fingers brushing with every other step. For a moment, Guillermo entertains the giddy thought that Nandor is trying to “accidentally” hold his hand, like they’re teenagers on a first date.

But this is not a date, he reminds himself again sternly. This is just Guillermo and Nandor in the park, hunting for Nandor’s dinner and getting away from their housemates’ infernal, eternal honeymoon phase on the most disgustingly romantic night of the year. A little tradition between friends.

He makes himself believe that right up until the moment Nandor’s cool fingers brush against his own, curl around them, and grab hold. He’s so surprised he almost trips over his own two feet, and Nandor has to catch him before he nosedives into the sidewalk.

“Careful, Guillermo!” Nandor says, returning him to an upright position but not removing his hands from Guillermo’s arms. “You do not want to plant your face!”

Guillermo laughs nervously, stepping back out of Nandor’s reach and looking anywhere but into his eyes.

“Thank you, Master,” he says softly, feeling a telltale heat creeping into his face. Nandor accepts his thanks without comment and they continue walking, the silence no less companionable, but perhaps a little more charged than before. It occurs to Guillermo, as they head deeper into the park, that they haven’t seen a single person so far on their walk, and aren’t likely to. Guillermo has been following Nandor’s lead, since the whole point was to hunt for dinner…but Nandor has skirted around all the areas where people usually congregate this late, sticking close to the tree-lined paths that are always deserted by sundown.

He turns to point this out to his master, but something stops him. Maybe the way Nandor’s head jerks to his left, as though listening for the sound of potential prey and not hiding the fact that he was once again staring at Guillermo.

“Master?” Nandor turns as if nothing happened.

“Mmm?” He asks, raising one eyebrow. Guillermo suppresses a sigh. He might as well push a little, while he has Nandor alone.

“Is something wrong?” And there it is. Nandor looks caught out, his eyes sliding away from Guillermo’s immediately, his shoulders going just a little tense.

“Wrong? Whatever could be wrong?” Guillermo stops walking.

“I don’t know…you tell me, Nandor!” That gets his attention. Nandor freezes and turns to him, looking shiftier than ever. He starts to fiddle with his rings.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Nandor insists, not meeting his eyes. Guillermo fights his rising frustration, determined not to let this turn into an argument. He takes a step toward Nandor, reaching out a hand to pat him on the arm. Nandor doesn’t pull away from the touch, but he doesn’t quite relax into it either.

“Master,” he says, in the tone he might use if that were a pet name instead of a title indicating deference. “Please, whatever it is, you can tell me. You’ve been off ever since you got back from your trip.” He steps closer, looks up into Nandor’s face. Nandor still won’t meet his eyes.

“Is it the wedding? Are you worried about–”

Nandor doesn’t let him finish. At mention of the wedding, a spasm of frustration passes across his face, breaking through his attempts at composure at last. He fists his hands in Guillermo’s sweater, pulling him so close that his cool breath ghosts over Guillermo’s lips when he speaks. Nandor’s eyes aren’t avoiding Guillermo’s anymore. He feels pinned by that gaze, unable to move as it searches his own.

“You know very well,” he says, his voice somewhere between a growl and a purr. “That I am not thinking about that wedding right now.”

Guillermo opens his mouth to reply, to ask Nandor what his problem is, to demand that Nandor let him go. Something. But before he can make his lips form the words, there’s a crack of thunder that seems to split open the sky. One second it’s a quiet, humid spring evening…the next, Guillermo is almost immediately soaked to the skin by the deluge of rain that comes pouring down, hours ahead of schedule.

Nandor releases his sweater only to grasp his hand, pulling him along without pausing to explain. Guillermo goes willingly, too stunned by Nandor’s words and the heart-pounding feeling of those hands pulling him in to put up any protest, or ask where Nandor is taking them. He leaves the path behind entirely, ducking through a gap in the trees following nothing Guillermo can sense or see. Then he turns, guides them through yet another gap in the trees, and Guillermo sees a little white gazebo up ahead, tucked away in a circle of trees and bushes.

Nandor pulls him up the few steps into the shelter of the gazebo, the rain still falling like a crystalline curtain all around, its dull roar making the rest of the world feel muted and far away. Guillermo removes his steamed-up glasses and blinks up at Nandor through the curls plastered to his forehead.

Nandor is, of course, more unfairly beautiful than ever in the rain. His hair is a silken curtain, strands of it falling out of his careful little bun to hang in his face. There are drops of water caught in his lashes, and he’s laughing as he pushes Guillermo’s sopping hair out of his eyes with gentle fingers. The sound is quiet and sweet beneath the cacophony of the storm outside this little bubble he’s created for the two of them. It wraps around him like a well-loved blanket, soft and warm.

Guillermo wonders what Nandor sees when he looks down at him like that. Does he ever look at Guillermo and think words like beautiful? Do his hands ache sometimes with the effort of not reaching out to touch? He’s been so nice to Guillermo lately, and it’s throwing him for a loop.

Freddie was nice to Guillermo from the very beginning. Freddie is sweet, and caring, and trusting, and never, ever leaves Guillermo wondering where they stand. He's life and sunshine and gentle sanding on Guillermo’s rough edges. He’s everything Guillermo should want in a boyfriend, and he doesn't deserve what Guillermo already knows will happen. He doesn't.

But Nandor...

Nandor is that thrill of possibility when the clock strikes midnight, the wildness that wakes in even timid hearts beneath the full moon, the thing that makes Guillermo shiver in the dark…but not with fear. Never with fear. He has been the subject of every fantasy Guillermo has had since he was nineteen years old. His unrequited first love, or so he always thought. His unlikely best friend. He is frustrating and confusing and terrible at timing and infuriatingly gorgeous, and…

He’s everything. It’s as simple as that. Blood and endless possibility and death, all wrapped up in eternity.

Guillermo covers Nandor’s hand on his face with one of his own, watches as the laughter fades from his eyes, replaced with something warm and wanting. Time seems to slow to a crawl around them, suspending them in the moment before everything changes.

It's death Guillermo’s been running after, flirting with, begging for all these years. Death of the scared, odd, timid little boy with no friends and no future who let people walk all over him. He’d wanted to kill that part of himself, put it out of its misery. He’d wanted to burst from his own chest, strong and undying and new. He thought Nandor could give him that, once, but now he knows: Nandor didn’t need to give him anything. He only called to what was living inside Guillermo all along. That final transformation, when it arrives, will just be a formality.

Some will say he killed the man he was and left a monster free to walk around in his skin. But what those people will never understand is that Guillermo has always felt like he was something a little bit monstrous. That's what happens to you when you grow up being told that people who feel the things you feel, want the things you want, are something to hate and fear and kill wherever you can. You can believe them and destroy yourself, you can burn yourself out trying to prove that they’re wrong about you…or you can decide you deserve to be happy regardless.

That was the decision he made, when he followed Nandor into the night all those years ago. That was what he felt the first time he picked up a stake to defend his family, the first time he stood up to Nandor and fought him and won. It’s what he feels now, with Nandor still looking down at him in that soft, new way that tells Guillermo he’s being seen and adored for exactly what he is. Every day of his life he’s spent feeling at home in his own skin, Nandor was never far away.

How can a relationship of a few months compare to that? How can it be wrong to reach for Nandor now, when he has always been Nandor's? This is just the universe righting itself at last.

At least, that's what Guillermo tells himself as he tangles his free hand in Nandor's wet hair and pulls him down into a kiss, finally, finally. He won't even have the excuse of "he kissed me first" later, and he doesn't want it. This is his choice. It was always going to be his choice, and he can’t find it in himself to be sorry for that.

Nandor’s hand on his face slides back, carding through his hair, his other arm wrapping around Guillermo’s waist to pull him in close before simply lifting him off his feet entirely.

He gasps as he’s swept up into strong arms that hold him as easily as if he weighs nothing. He wraps both hands around Nandor’s neck, biting at his bottom and eliciting a dark chuckle that vibrates against Guillermo’s mouth and travels down his spine like lightning.

Maybe it isn’t Nandor who’s been off since they got back, after all. Maybe it was him, trying to pretend this fire burning in his chest had gone out when it’s never burned brighter. It doesn’t matter now. The last year, Freddie, all Guillermo’s attempts to put distance between himself and Nandor…none of it matters.

The whole world is just this night and the rain and Nandor’s mouth on his, and Guillermo wouldn’t have it any other way.

#wwdits #nandermo #wwdits fic #nandermo fic #fanfiction #my writing

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rel312 · 1 year ago

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What I loved about WWDITS S5 Episode 8 (SPOILERS!!!):

Laszlo just staring off into space (I want to say b/c of baby Colin but the way this show is it’ll probably be something stupid)

Nandor trying to get Laszlo’s attention by asking questions because he knows it gets him going

“I am in such a good place” are you Nandor?

BABY COLIN?!?!?!! He’s remembering!!!

Literally everybody in the house thinking it’s about them

“We are down to, like, only 16 fucks a week” “we are down to just three”

They all care so much about Laszlo they’re trying to get his attention

“Guillermo, you spend a lot of your life being very miserable and sad, do you have any ideas?”

Everybody ignoring The Guide and liking when Colin Robinson says her idea

LESLIE????

“We gathered all the people that love you into this one room, and then when we saw all the empty chairs we decided to drag some randos in off the street to fill them”

Guillermo trying not to laugh at Nandor’s joke

The room being silent when Nandor mentions The Guide

And that he doesn’t even say anything about her

“We practically finish each other’s handjobs”

“We’ll be right back after this” cuts to commercial break

“Women can be funny”

Colin Robinson trying to drain everybody at the roast

The Guide telling the Baron Guillermo’s vampire killing tendencies

“Wampires”

“Sean is cool, he’s a good time, I take that one back”

Sean patting Guillermo’s back

Nandor and Nadja literally being dragged on the ground for trying to protect Guillermo

“Don’t film this” they’re so upset

Guillermo climbing to hide

“Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if we ended up dying” “are you okay?” “Yeah, I’ve just been going through a lot lately”

The way they all believe the Baron when it’s so obviously a trick

Colin Robinson pretending to be the Baron

Nandor’s double take when he realizes the Baron actually wants to kill Guillermo and cutting in to distract them

Nandor being so lost with Guillermo not able to do things for him

Guillermo telling the Baron

Nandor being so happy the Baron won’t kill Guillermo

Nandor not wanting to let the Baron alone with Guillermo

Guillermo accidentally frying the Baron again

Nandor not wanting to believe Guillermo will die

“He has always been loyal to me” Nandor nooooo he’s so convinced

Laszlo finally coming out to say something

“At least he died doing what he loved, beating off in the toolshed”

That’s a fake body right?

Nandor crying over Guillermo

“He was not just a familiar, he was my bodyguard, he was the best man at my wedding, he was my friend” his voice cracks!

Oh my god it’s Blinky

Nandor being so distressed at Laszlo seemingly cutting up Guillermo’s body

“It is I who have gone soft”

Nandor sadly looking out the window thinking of Guillermo

Nandor being so happy Guillermo is okay and then making sure he’s the real one

Nandor wearing his hair half up half down for formal occasions

“To be a vampire is my dream, but to be your familiar will be my honor”

Nandor mouthing along with the words

Nandor being so soft in that scene with Guillermo

I just noticed Nadja’s green hair

The Baron raising the mutants

Laszlo just sitting to figure out how to organize his books

#wwdits spoilers #wwdits #what we do in the shadows spoilers #what we do in the shadows #wwdits season 5 #wwdits s5 #laszlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #colin robinson #the guide #baron afanas #laszlo what we do in the shadows #nadja what we do in the shadows #guillermo what we do in the shadows #nandor what we do in the shadows #nandermo #the roast

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indigayghost · 1 year ago

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Ok im not even try to make this coherent I'm not on the state of mind to write beautiful things but i do need to talk about this because I feel like my body is exploding

Just..... Just..........everythinf that happened........

We've been with these vampires for five years, we know who they are, we know what they love, we've seen them in their lowest and in their highest

The talk when they're in the cages, yes they were trying to appease the Guide but they weren't lying in the slightest

Yeah they are beings full of love and yet they make themselves look tough and uncaring and this season reaaaaally talked about it

We see the vampires caring for each other more than ever this season, we see them fighting for each other, saving each other, giving up their life for each other

We see Laszlo giving everything he has trying to fix Guillermo, we see him failing and failing again and ultimately giving up but "I'm not giving up on you"

We see Nadja fighting blood and nail to save Guillermo! He's theirs! Nobody can take him away!

We see them helping Guillermo out, we see them teaching him how to be a vampire

And when the baron wants to kill him, we see them begging please let him go

We see Nandor saying I know you better than anyone and we brush it off and then

And then we see that he is right. He knows Guillermo better than anyone. He's been knowing him since the beginning. Guillermo is a kind soul. He's a warrior. He would kill and die for me, but he won't kill for himself.

We see Guillermo struggling with this for quite some time. I mean, I'm in the killer Guillermo gang, but textually every single time he killed he did it for someone else.

He loves so so much and he would do anything for the people he loves, but he won't take someone's life for his on benefit, that's to much for him.

And Nandor knew that. Nandor knows him. Nandor said it to him two seasons ago and we thought well he was talking about himself and he is! But he's talking about Guillermo too.

Because Guillermo is too kind, he was always too kind, and vampirism is a curse

We see Guillermo saying I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you and we see Nandor hurting

We see him talking to Patton Oswald and he says

Killing a friend would be the worst thing in the world and he means it

And he doesn't kill Guillermo, and he would never kill him

We see the vampires one by one visiting Guillermo, the same vampires who said well if one of us die we just paint them off of our lives

We see Laszlo legitimately sad, he feels so bad, he feels guilty, he feels like he didn't do enough and auuuuurgh that's so abrrrrrrrbrrbebbrbrbrb and he says I know you since you were a little familiar

And the thing the thing is

Nandor and Laszlo are being two sides of this thing

In one side we have Laszlo who completely loves to be a vampire. He was turned by the woman he loves, he didn't lose anything, eternal life is a joy for him, he was alone before, and now he isn't

And then we have Nandor, who lost everything. And sometimes is easy to forget and say Nandor is just a big dumb boy, but he is so so old and he is so so wise. Eternal life took everything from Nandor, he lost his family, his people, he lost his language, and for almost a millenia he wandered alone and we see this, we see this desperately lonely vampire try again and again to get someone, anyone, to be with him forever and we thought ough he's so dumb that person is right there!

But then! He isn't! Because he knows Guillermo better than anyone and he knows Guillermo will be unhappy and he knows he can't persue Guillermo because he loves guillermo and Guillermo loves him and Guillermo will do everything for the people he loves so maybe maybe if he asks Guillermo will turn into a vampire and he will be eternally unhappy and that's something Nandor won't be able to do because he cares too much about Guillermo, because he knows Guillermo better than anyone, and he will prefer to be alone forever than to hurt Guillermo like that

And he makes all those things, he prepared a whole cerimony for Guillermo, he did all of this knowing knowing that if he shut his mouth he could keep Guillermo forever, some time Guillermo would get used to it, but he can't see him unhappy, so he prepares everything knowing Guillermo would chose to be human and knowing he was signing up for loneliness and he does it anyway because he loves guillermo and he would do anything for Guillermo the same way Guillermo does for him and he is so kind the whole time, there is a understanding in Nandor's eyes there that we never saw, there's such a sad sad feeling of mourn there because he is killing what he ever wanted but he's doing it for Guillermo

And yeah there was a little bit of his jealous speaking there when he jumped for the stake to kill Derek, but there's also a really sweet gesture. Killing Derek will make Guillermo happy and even so Guillermo can't do it, because it was his choice, it was his fault, and he can't hurt Derek, and Nandor steps in and say I'll break the most sacred vampire rule for you, for your happiness, even if it means losing mine

And then laszlo helping Guillermo afterwards? I'm so so ready to see them next season

Also Nadja saying if I knew you wouldn't kill Guillermo I would've told you to do it already and get over it is such the statement! This is what they do! They care deeply about each other but they pretend they don't!

Anyway, I loved the finale, I think there's some really deep themes we can play with in fics. I understand how some may feel quite unhappy with it and honestly yeah I'm a bit too, I love to see unhinged Guillermo and I really wanted to see him accepting his fate as a munderer but well, I guess we can't really have everything

I'm really curious of how they'll handle this the next season, maybe we'll see Guillermo doing other things, searching for a new dream or whatever. Bwcause now he will really need to accept the real reason why he stayed with the vampires, he can't run away from it, we can't run away from it and the showrunners can't really run away from it too, this is a question I think will be the grand arc of the next season and well, until there we have plenty of time for thousands of angsty fanfics

#wwdits #wwdits s5 spoilers

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megaawkwardhuman · 1 year ago

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*slowly puts on tinfoil hat* 1000TH NEW PROMO AND OMFG YA BOY HAS SOME THOUGHTS ON IT

we're getting to the point where we're going to get A LOT of new promos which yay for new shit!

SOOOOO

I'M HALF RIGHT?

OK SO the promo clearly has multiple clips from the next season BUT focusing on the ones that at least I could put together at some point not just nandor know but I think they all know?

by the looks of it there's going to be an episode where laszlo reveals what he and guillermo have been testing cuz we see who I'm assuming is laslzo asking about things vampires can do

then later we see the rice scene and nadja commenting on guillermo attempting to fly

so I think it's safe to say the whole guillermo trying to get turned but it getting fucked up thing probably won't be a secret for TOO long (low key kinda glad)

my main question now is WHAT leads to them telling them?

cuz this is very obviously not the first episode so what the fuck happens that causes laszlo to call in back up?

I'm assuming this isn't too late into the season and nothing BIG happens that causes them to spill

I mean they probably tell them at the end of an episode and them all collectively trying to test guillermo's vampyness (yes I know that's not a word) will take up an entire episode by the looks of it

so maybe either they hit a block, not that long after asking laszlo for help he tells the group, or guillermo feels that the rest should know about this so he gets laszlo to tell them cause maybe they're more likely to believe him

maybe we've (or at least I've) been reading the whole laszlo and guillermo spending more time together thing wrong and while he knows it's for a good reason nandor is jealous not just because laszlo is spending more time with guillermo but because he's learning how to be a vampire with someone else?

cause like even if it's just tests and there's a real chance he could be unturnable since he's been there for guillermo ever since day 1 he wants to be there for him when he finally figures out what's going on with him good or bad

maybe to him this is like teaching a kid how to ride a bike and he doesn't want to miss a second of it

buuuut due to how weird this all is he instead turned to laszlo instead of him and well nandor can't help but be jealous of laz taking not only guillermo's time but valuable moments nandor wants to have with guillermo that he possibly won't get now

BUT ALL OF THAT IS UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT LASZLO TELLS THEM WHY HE NEEDS A LIST OF THINGS VAMPIRES DO

it's also possible laz just asks them and doesn't tell them why or comes up with an excuse

my original theory of nandor just thinking they're testing myths could still stand

nandor could also just wanna spend more time with guillermo even if he has no idea what they're doing just cause he misses spending all his time with him and is still worried he's growing distant ever since the crate incident and freddie fuck fest

idk it's 4 am I should really be heading to bed 😅

SIDE NOTE SINCE I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO PUT IT INTO ITS OWN POST

I personally think this scene will be a moment where guillermo thinks about telling nandor about the whole derek thing but for one reason or another (something nandor says, not know how he'll react, feeling bad etc etc) he doesn't tell him and instead just wishes him a good night

like that's the face of a man who's about to say something but instead says something else to not hurt anyone (IDK COULD JUST BE ME)

#who needs sleep when you have gay vampires?#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #laszlo cravensworth #word garbage™#I'm starting to get eepy so I'm finally gonna head to bed LOL

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resident-sean-expert · 2 years ago

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Why I think the Jersey Devil in the Pine Barrens episode (4x07) might symbolizes homophobia :

(that's some bullshit theory, don't take it too srs)

tw : self-hatred, homophobia

The Jersey Devil (JD) is mentioned for the first time when a drunken Sean tries to tell a spooky story :

"Then tye other two guys, they hear this screech in the woods. And they hightail it out of there, but they never found the third guy... because you know who got him ?" - The Jersey Devil

Now let's consider that the JD is an allegory for homophobia :

Baby Colin doesn't believe it and asks him to explain what the JD looks like (Baby Colin has been around queer people since he was an infant, so it's normal that he doubts the existence of homophobia)

Sean described the monster very precisely, especially its private parts.

"And he's got hooves and horns, and two low-hanging balls with a button cock on top."

It would not be surprising if Sean was exposed to a homophobic environment for a long time, whether it was his upbringing with his father or the fact he went to a private school.

The next shot is Laszlo and Nandor explaining that the Jersey Devil doesn't exist and that it's simply a myth created by vampires to explain the corpses in the woods.

They are both convinced that it doesn't exist (even though they live in a supernatural world with werewolves, ghosts etc...)

As Nadja says at the end of the episode "Who isn't gay ?", which could indicate that vampires nowadays think that homophobia doesn't exist anymore (or not so present)

It's interesting to note that the Pine Barrens episode is also the episode where Guillermo made is coming out.

Later, Sean points out "There's just something special about 'guy time', yk?"

And trust me, it's not his first statement with homoerotic subtones 👀

The next time the Jersey Devil is mentioned is when Baby Colin left the cabin because he heard strange noises in the forest.

The vampires join him shortly after.

We hear Sean yell "Help!" and we deduce the Jersey Devil looked for him in his room and now is pulling him out with a firm grip on his leg.

The most interesting thing is that Sean then just yells "Kill me and get it over with!" instead of "Help me"

I'm sure Sean suffers from internalized homophobia (headcanon), when it's about other people he has no problem supporting them and is ready to defend them, but when it concerns him directly (being gay) he does not assume.

This self-hatred is killing him slowly, which could explain why his marriage became disastrous and his various addictions (alcohol & gambling)

So he wishes he could die ('kill me') and hopes someone could get rid of it ('and get it over with')

Then Laszlo tames the Jersey Devil (homophobia), the same way that he had to after his transformation into a vampire, he was now able to fully assume his sexuality (because in England at the time, homosexuality was perceived as a disease, a sin etc...)

Sean then, wishing to help his friends to beat this monster, exclaims "I'm gonna get my shotty !"

Nandor and Laszlo with great difficulty and the support of Colin manages to defeat the Jersey Devil.

And Sean on his side, arrived with his gun and shot himself in the foot.

Which could be a metaphor, of instead trying to help others to defeat their demons, deal with your own demons first and foremost (internalized homophobia)

So just as Nandor and Laszlo saved Sean's marriage by making him forget all his toxic masculinity (through hypnosis), in this episode they helped him save himself from his own demon.

Also it's interesting to note that Sean, while he was supposed to be having a good time with his friends, he just went on a binge drinking spree, more than 15 cans of beer in one evening.

The alcohol probably helps him forget, but fortunately he is well surrounded and I hope that we will obtain a bisexual coming out of Seanie on TV.

This is just my personal interpretation ''

#kztpost

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arielmagicesi · 2 years ago

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3, 6, 17, & 29 for the AO3 wrapped ask?

I have been so sick and forgotten to respond to this lol... ok let's see:

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

It'd probably have to be "we'll never have problems again". I love my Marwa series in general and that one focuses the most on Marwa and her character development. It was just really fun to take this incredibly minor background character and imagine a whole story for her set in the silly sitcom universe I know and love.

(I also love "if you ever need a favor in twenty years, call a camp kvetcher girl" which is my CXG/Community crossover, but that has less of an audience due to it being a crossover of two shows that are both no longer airing)

6. Favorite title you used

Obviously I loved using Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song titles a bunch loooool so probably just all my CXG song title fics. I also thought "Good Night, Staten Island, and Good Mental Health" was a fun way to combine the two fandoms in that crossover. Oh and I liked using a Starkid song lyric for "now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine". Idk can't decide

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

Oh I can't decide... Probably Nadja because she's just such a treat to write. She also showed up in my fics the most.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh I have a huge ego when it comes to my writing and I wrote 12 fics this year so there's not a chance I'd be able to choose that... I did really love the scene in "i'm the villain in my own story" where Laszlo comforts Guillermo after his breakup with Freddie- it was maybe a bit more serious than the tone of the show merits but I put a lot of my own feelings into that and it was interesting to explore the relationship between those two characters. Same deal with the passage in "we'll never have problems again" where Marwa ruminates on what she learned from her mother and father- again, too serious for the show, but I also borrowed from thoughts about my own family. I guess it's short enough to share here:

Her mother, during these evenings, would shuffle back and forth from the kitchen, carrying hot and heavy plates of rice and kebab, silver bowls of nuts and fresh fruit. She always smiled, and when Marwa’s father asked her to sit down a while and listen to his stories, she would always oblige, lounging peacefully and laughing along to his jokes. At night, though, once everyone was asleep, she became something else. Marwa had seen it once, when she’d gotten up in the middle of the night and thought to get herself a glass of water, and seen her mother, skirts hiked up and hair tied away from her face, on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor with a ferocity Marwa never would have guessed of her gentle, people-pleasing mother. Then she’d stopped, wiping her forehead, and Marwa had gotten a glimpse, for just a moment, of her face- tired, worn, bitter.

Just as she listened to her father’s stories and riddles, she listened to this lesson, too.

and in terms of funny passages, this one from "the one with the secondhand embarrassment" is probably my favorite:

“When did you meet this new guy?” Nandor said. “Why haven’t you told me about him? I thought friends tell each other these things.”

“I haven’t really told anyone,” Guillermo said. “It’s still sort of new, I met him in London, so I haven’t even told my mom. I mean, she’s still sort of shaky about the gay stuff- I do want to tell her, though, eventually- But I guess if I’m going to tell anyone first, I’m glad it’s you guys. At the end of the day, you really are like my family-”

“Yeah, great, who gives a shit,” Laszlo said. “How big is his package? Stop me when I reach it.”

He started spreading his hands apart.

Guillermo sighed.

“I actually should probably go check on Colin,” he said. “Thanks for, uh. Being so supportive, I guess.”

He headed out of the room. Laszlo, whose hands had now extended to about a yard apart, raised his eyebrows.

“The chap’s got quite an impressive wang,” he said.

And yeah I have a bunch of other passages I'm proud of because like I said, I'm very fond of my own writing lol, but I'm not gonna share all of them. Anyway. Thank you for the ask!

#written by me

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soppingwetguywife · 1 year ago

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this!!! literally this! the rule is bullshit! the culture is bullshit! their only real rules are 'vampire doesnt kill vampire' (which nadja has broken before) and 'do whatever the fuck you want' so this sudden 'if you leave your master for someone else youre gonna fucking die' is ridiculous to me, because guillermo has been making it clear the whole time that if NANDOR wont do it, he will find SOMEONE ELSE. and nobody ever mentioned this little chestnut!

i have. SO much to say. im putting it under a cut and screaming.

guillermo was PROMISED he was gonna get his turning, a meaningful one, by nandor, whose 'word is his bond'! and of course the second a roadblock comes up nandor doesnt do the sane thing (CONTACT GUILLERMO- he has the ether, he KNEW he was going to see laszlo and nadja off, he could have contacted them OR guillermo, hell, even the crew, who were WITH them!) no he just spirals and nulls and voids the whole thing and then takes the one happiness guillermo found while he was mourning that lost life away :)

i WHOLLY understand that nandor is.... flawed, and hurting, and that man's intelligence is.... well, it's very topical and those topics are horses, basketball and transactional analysis, i guess but i genuinely dont know why he thinks he DESERVES guillermo to wait around for him? to sit down and take what hes given because nandor is so good to him, a delusion guillermo himself entertains to the dismay of the camera crew (though i have Opinions on that)

guillermo just wants a place in this family he's devoted and GIVEN UP his life to! and he's technically finding that, through this season, with laszlo and now nadja, but if nandor really does freak out, guillermo is well within his rights to just leave. so what if nandor looks bad? so what if gossip spreads? what has nandor done lately that makes him look good? he faked his own death, completely misused a djinn for nothing but self-serving shit he undid most of anyway, and tried to KILL GUILLERMO in what was basically a cage match?

the staten island vampires arent exactly high society. they live on Staten Island.

they can literally just lie. not a single person would care. nobody can even TELL hes a vampire, let alone who turned him, the urgent care doctor ASKED who turned him, so clearly his bloodwork didnt show it. so they can LIE. nandor can swallow his pride for the first real time in his life and let guillermo be happy. and maybe then theyll kiss about it or something idk its 3am and i just spent 3 hours on a ffxiv jumping puzzle this isnt at all coherent

the refrain by fandom of poor nandor he's gonna be so hurt he's been so betrayed is getting so old so fast. and so is comparing guillermo getting turned by derek to cheating or hell the even more problematic virginity loss allegory because yeah i'm sorry but nadja talking about how he gave it away to some random vampire instead of nandor was slut shaming if we follow that line of thinking and it ain't cute. guillermo has done some shit serving the vampires that he should be ashamed of but i'm sorry i don't see choosing himself over what nandor wants and nandor needs which seems to change as often as the weather, i don't see how that's such a bad thing. and considering nandor's recent transgressions (*coughs* freddie) i would say he should shut up and graciously forgive because damn if he hasn't fucked guillermo over many times and never had to even say sorry.

AMEN BROTHER!!!

#wwdits s5 spoilers #wwdits spoilers #long post #not really meta more just me screaming at my sopping wet moron bc this wouldnt fit in a reply #im so sorry i went off on your post a bit but this had me feeling feelings

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p4nishers · 2 years ago

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ok but imagine nandor kinda insulting guillermo like he usually does, meaning it as a joke and laughing at it bc he finds himself funny and guillermo doesn't get angry, he doesn't look at the camera long–sufferingly, he doesn't look at the camera at all. instead he just looks at nandor sadly, simply staring at him with his lips tipped down then just walks past him calmly. and he doesn't ignore nandor after or anything, but his disappointment is obvious and nandor frantically realizes that. oh. he's losing him.

im so very normal about this

#and THEN comes freddie #yeah wouldn't survive that actually i might just spontaneously combust when freddie appears on the screen #NO BUT HOW IS GUILLERMO GONNA INTRODUCE HIM??? IS HE GONNA FULLY GO 'THIS IS MY BF' LOOKING VERY POINTEDLY AWAY FROM NANDOR??#OR IS HE GONNA LOOK AT NANDOR DARING HIM TO REACT???#IS HE EVEN GONNA ADMIT HE HAS A BF???#DO NANDOR AND FREDDIE EVEN MET????#WILL NANDOR EVEN KNOW ABOUT HIM??? WILL GUILLERMO ASK NADJA AND LASZLO TO NOT TELL HIM????#IS HE GONNA BE PROUD??? SHEEPISH??? ANGRY?? NERVOUS?? HAPPY?? SCARED??????????#i cant do this im so stressed for the next ep u dont get it this show never once let me down but im so scared it's not gonna live up to my #expectations #nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #wwdits s4 spoilers #wwdits

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mulderscully · 2 years ago

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we have all been really focused on nandor this season and his changed behavior toward guillermo and his feelings etc because we already know that guillermo has been in love with nandor for years, but i've seen some people kinda imply that guillermo is genuinely over nandor and over wanting to be a vampire and i just do not think that is the case whatsoever.

i think guillermo is in self preservation mode now. i think in s3 he really fully realized that he is deeply in love with nandor, and perhaps in their time apart he convinced himself that nandor would never feel the same, esp after he met this mystery boyfriend. (who, btw, is essentially non existent in the plot so far. they've made no effort to make us care about freddie almost half way through the season which has to be a deliberate writing choice. we know the djinn more than we know guillermo's bf!) i mean, why didn’t nandor come and find him?

i find it interesting that they haven't addressed the fact that nandor was going to turn guillermo at the end of their trip around the world. last episode they mentioned the fight, but not that part of it and i really think it has to be because they're saving that for something momentous. nandor thinks that if he turns guillermo, he won't stay. but guillermo stopped staying for that a long time ago - he stayed because he loves nandor. and this fact is why guillermo is slowly pulling away. it's not that guillermo doesn't want the things he has wanted for 13 years, it's not that he doesn't love nandor anymore. he's just protecting himself for once - as he should!

i say this because if you pay attention to the scene where nandor asks guillermo to be his best man, you see palpable disappointment from guillermo that that is what he said and not anything about their trip or their plans. and then you see him make peace with it. like he loves nandor and he wants to be a vampire, but he's tired of waiting and getting his heart broken.

i know there is this idea that nandor "doesn't deserve" guillermo and i think that's boring because this is a show about vampires. all the relationships are morally corrupt to some extent! that's the FUN of it. but i DO think that it is absolutely essential for nandor to realize the depth of his feelings and to pine for guillermo for a while, because nandor always want things to come easily for him and loving someone the way nandor wants love is hard work. remember laszlo telling colin that it took him and nadja CENTURIES to get where they are? and nandor wants that. he wants that degree of companionship for his eternity, and i think he wants it with guillermo but he afraid at the same time. which is a Delicious plot!

i'm excited to see how this unfolds. to see nandor realize/accept his own feelings and then maybe confess them and see guillermo's reaction. i honestly expect guillermo to be angry at first. like i've been here for 13 years and NOW you want me? and then that evolving into nandor having to work through his fear of guillermo leaving him, whether it being from nandor losing his importance if guillermo is also a vampire, or him finding someone else or by death! no matter what, guillermo could leave him and i think that's another big realization he needs to have.

this is all just for them to even out their dynamic, and since nandor has been "above" guillermo for so long, they have to have him grovel and suffer on the floor for a while before they can be together as true equals.

also, this is just like absolute pooorn for people who have been in unrequited love for years. who doesn't want the person they have wanted and thought would never want them back just down atrocious for them for a while?? it's what he deserves.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

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mothguillotine · 1 year ago

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Is There A Vampire Dentist?

CW: smut at the beginning, slight dub-con but idk if it really counts, just wanna be safe

The dinner with your parents had shaken you up. You know that they could never force you away from Staten Island (due to your strength), but they will definitely try. Them showing up and ruining your new relationships is a likelihood. You have no idea how Nandor, Laszlo, or Nadja would react to your parents' overall shittyness.

Unfortunately, the vampires noticed the change as soon as you came back home. Guillermo had promised not to tell anyone what had happened that night, even though he encouraged you to tell Nandor. You knew Guillermo wouldn't judge you. After being alive for centuries, vampire standards are really high, and the idea that they could think less of you because of it was probable.

Nandor had been the first to notice, and then when he told the others they came to the same conclusion, you must miss some of your things. After you were attacked, you never went back to your dorm to get anything. It wasn't like the vampires were lacking in the cash department, so they just bought you things.

The things they bought you just weren't enough, though. You needed your things, not just new everything. So the vampires sent Guillermo to get your things. After asking Oscar where you used to live, he heads over to the university you stayed at. When he gets to your dorm room, he knocks on the door and is greeted by a tall ginger woman, Ness. When Guillermo talked to Oscar earlier, he had warned him about her. You did NOT like Ness. That wasn't unknown information to Guillermo, but why you didn't, he did not know.

“What?” she asks.

“I'm here for your roommates stuff,” Guillermo explains, “she isn't coming back and-,”

“I don't care,” she says, moving out of the doorway for Guillermo.

“Okay.” Guillermo says, going in the room with trunks. When he enters, he sees another woman in the room sitting on presumably your old bed.

“Kelsey, get off the bed,” Ness tells her, “he's getting her shit out of here.”

“Whatever,” Kelsey says and gets down.

Guillermo quickly shoves your drawers of clothes into the trunks. He then removes all of your desk supplies and grabs your laptop. After that, he grabs your clothes and shoes out of the closet, as well as your make-up and hair stuff.

Finally, he grabs your bedding and blankets. Luckily, no further was in your room that wasn't university property, so he was done. Then he drags the trucks out in the hallway, and then he goes in to double-check he got everything. When he confirms he is done, he turns to leave and sees Kelsey and Ness looking way more than friendly.

“You slept with your girlfriend's roommate?” Guillermo asks Kelsey.

“Ex-girlfriend.” Kelsey says, “Anyways why the hell does it matter to you? You are just picking up her shit.”

“Well she's my friend, and both of you don't deserve her.” he tells them and leaves without another word.

_________________________________________

Back at home, you are sleeping in front of a fire. The night prior, Nandor (probably Guillermo actually) had set up a spread of furs and candles around the fireplace in your room. The gesture had really touched you, and so did he. You both had been occupied all evening, and after everything, you had fallen asleep in the arms of your lover.

That day, you slept exceptionally well, and so did Nandor, who had woken up a bit ago and was observing you as you slept. Every day that you spent together had made him more and more sure that you were it for him. The night before had proven that Nandor was falling fast.

He was disappointed that he had to leave you for a whole weekend but he also knew that it was probably a good idea to spend a few days apart, at least that is what you told him. Which at first made him upset until you explained that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’.

Nandor knew he had to leave soon to meet Sean and Laszlo at the car, but first, he wanted to have you. The night before, you both had fallen asleep without getting dressed, so he simply moves the fur that was draped on you. For a second, he is worried he woke you up when he sees you move, but when you stop, he continues on his path between your legs.

He starts with small licks directly on your clit to which he watches your reaction. When you don't move he presses harder to which you moan in your sleep. Nandor continues to pick up the pace until you wake up.

“Fuck,” you say, grabbing his hair. Nandor moans on you when you pull at his hair ever so slightly. You can feel yourself starting to get closer to your orgasm.

“Nandor!” you moan loudly, “I'm- fuck, I'm so close.” He then switches to sucking on your clit which makes you spiral over the edge. You pull Nandor up to kiss you as soon as you are done and you taste yourself on his tongue.

“Are you ready?” Nandor asks you.

“Yeah,” you tell him, and he moves to enter you.

He goes slower than normal due to the lack of warming up, and when he is about halfway in, he stops.

“Are you okay?” he asks you.

“Yes, Nandor, I promise.” you tell him, “Just fuck me already.”

After a bit he is fully in you, he brings his lips down to your neck. While his hickeys won't last long it doesn't stop him from trying, leaving your neck full of them for the next few hours. When Nandor is happy with the amount of hickeys on your neck he finally moves. One of your hands moves to grab his bicep. Nandor continues to pound into you and both of you are moaning a lot.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

“Hurry up old chap you are gonna be late.” you hear Laszlo yell.

“Go away Laszlo!” Nandor yells at the door and goes back to the matter at hand.

“Fuck,” you say, “I'm gonna come again.”

He feels you tighten around him and knows that you are right so he moves one of his hands to your clit. To which you are immediately coming around him. This makes Nandor in turn also come and you feel him inside you. When he pulls out his cum spills out of you. He falls down next to you on the pelts of fur.

“Good morning,” you tell him smiling, “What did I do to deserve being woken up like that?”

“Did you not enjoy it?” Nandor asks you.

“Oh no.” you tell him, “Quite the opposite, my love.”

“Good,” Nandor says and moves to kiss you again to which you let him.

“Babe you have to go or you are gonna be late.” you tell him when you pull apart. He instead goes to kiss you again and this time you move away.

“Nandor,” you tell him, giving him a raise of your eyebrow, “Laszlo is waiting for you.”

“I don't want to go to Sean's cabin,” he tells you, “I want to stay here and be with you.”

“Nandor, you have to go babe.” you tell him.

“Do I have to?” he asks, looking at you batting his eyelashes at you. To which you push his face back and stand up off the furs.

“Come on, they are all waiting for you,” and offer him your hand to stand up.

“If I knew any better I would say you are trying to get rid of me,” he says and takes your hand and stands up.

“Good thing you do know better,” you tell him and kiss him, “I will be here as soon as you are back on Sunday. Me and Nadja just planned on staying in and watching mamma mia.”

“Okay,” he says, giving up arguing with you.

_________________________________________

Both of you get dressed and head downstairs where Laszlo is waiting. Nadja and Guillermo are arguing in the corner while Colin is standing with many bags and camping equipment next to Laszlo. There also are a few trunks in the foyer which makes the space almost nonexistent.

“What are all these?” you ask confused.

“Surprise!” Nadja shouts, “We got your things.”

“My things?” you ask.

“Yes, from your university.” Laszlo says.

“Thank you guys, so much,” you tell them, “I thought I was never gonna get it back.”

“Of course we did,” Nadja tells you, “this is your home now.”

Nadja moves to hug you and when you do you also feel everyone else join. You all stand there until Colin joins in and Lazlo breaks off.

“Nandor, we have to go.” Laszlo says.

“Yes, yes.” Nandor says and turns to face you, “I will miss you.”

“I'll miss you too,” you tell him, moving to kiss him gently, “I lo- I hope you have a good trip.”

“I hope you have a good weekend as well, my love,” Nandor says, “Good bye.”

“Bye,” you tell him, and he leaves.

_________________________________________

The first night was easy, you and Nadja got drunk on many cocktails she called ‘Throat Juice’. Mamma Mia and Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again are played at some point in the night as well. By the end of the night both you and Nadja are laughing so hard that you are tearing up, until Guillermo tells you both its time for bed.

“Come on,” Guillermo tells you both, “You both should have been asleep an hour ago. The sun is coming up soon and-”

You and Nadja start to laugh again uncontrollably. Guillermo looks completely done with the both of you at this point.

“We wanna stay upppp!” you tell him, “We just won't sleep! No sleep!”

“No sleep! No sleep! No sleep!” you both start chanting.

“You both have to go to sleep.” Guillermo says seriously, “If Nandor and Laszlo came back to both of you burned to a crisp because you didn't want to sleep they would probably kill me.”

“Okay fine,” you say, “I don't want you to die or anything.”

Nadja makes a noise that seems like she disagrees and you elbow her.

“Okay,” Guillermo says, opening the door, “Here is your room, go to bed.”

“Okay,” you say sadly, “Good night Nadja!”

“Good night! Sleep well!” she shouts from down the hall with Guillermo ushering her downstairs.

_________________________________________

When you wake up you feel nasty and take a bath. The tub is filled to the brim with bubbles and is lavender scented. It's also very hot. You start by washing your hair and then your body. You take a mental note to have Nandor join you in the bath when he returns.

The peacefulness in the bathroom is quickly finished when Nadja knocks on the door.

“Do you want to go hunt down at the bars?” Nadja asks you through the door.

“Yeah!” you yell back, “Give me like 30 minutes!”

“Okay!” Nadja yells.

So you hurry up and finish up. You dress yourself in dark clothing so that way the shadows will hide you and the blood doesn't stain as bad. When you are all ready to go, you meet Nadja downstairs.

_________________________________________

Saturday night was not unusual. Both of you had drained a few drunks outside of a bar downtown and, in doing so, had felt the effects. You both were at the very least tipsy.

As the night drew on, Nadja and you returned home to watch some movies, and when the hours passed, Guillermo got you both ready for bed. The next morning you wake up and get ready for the day excited that Nandor is coming home today. You brush your hair and your teeth. While you do so you can't help but wonder, do vampires go to the dentist?

_________________________________________

“Yeah, I'm really excited about Nandor coming home soon.” you tell the camera, “It feels like he's been gone forever, even though I know it's only been a few days. I just really miss him and-”

You are cut off by loud pounding at the door. The knocks startle you. They are loud and echo throughout the house. You stand from the sofa and take off your mic. When you get to the foyer, the knocks happen again, which causes Guillermo to come down the stairs and Nadja from down the hall.

“Who is it?” Guillermo asks.

“I don't know.” You tell him.

“Gizmo, go open the door.” Nadja says, and then it happens again. This time, though, someone yells your name through the door.

“We know you are here!” your dad shouts, “Open this door right now!”

“It's my fucking parents.” you whisper, “shit, shit, shit.”

“Why are they here?” Nadja asks you, which causes Guillermo to give you a look as if to say ‘tell her’.

“They want me to leave with them.” You tell her, “The other night I went to see them and they told me they were moving back to Michigan.”

“Where is Mich-e-gan?” she asks you, “Is it far?”

“Yeah,” you tell her, the pounding continues as well as the shouting, “I don't want to leave but what happens when they call the cops? Because trust me they will.”

“We have to hypnotize them,” Guillermo says.

“No,” you say, “I can't.”

“It's the only option,” he tells you.

“Gizmo is right, my dear.” Nadja says, “They must leave before they draw too much attention to us.”

“I don't know if I can,” you tell Nadja honestly, “I mean they're my parents.”

She pulls you in for a hug and then says, “You have to, my dear.”

“I know,” you say and make your way down the hall to the front door. After taking a moment, you open the door to find your parents standing there.

“We have been standing outside, freezing.” your mom says.

“It is extremely rude not to let us in.” your dad follows with.

“Why are you guys here?” you ask.

“Sweetie, we know you haven't been going to classes or staying at the dorm. You are living here with a bunch of weirdos,” your mom says, “We are just concerned about you, and we think that moving back home with Nani and everyone else. Your cousins miss you so much.”

“I'm not coming back home.” you tell them, “I'm not moving back to Michigan. I'm not going anywhere with you. You guys can't control me anymore.”

“Sweetie, it's not like that.” your mom says.

“Yes, it is. My whole life has always been about what you guys want. You want me to be a perfect student. Done. You want me to move to Staten Island. Done. You want me to go to college here so that way I don't leave you. Done. You want me to be the perfect fucking daughter? Well I tried my hardest and it still wasn't enough for you. I'm done, I'm staying here.”

“You have obviously been brainwashed.” your dad says.

“What is a ‘brainwash’?” a voice says from behind your dad, Nandor.

“Your home!” you say, ignoring your parents for a moment as you run to him and pull him in for a kiss.

“I said I was coming back today.” he tells you, “Who are they?”

“uh, they are my parents.” you tell him.

“Oh, hi, I am her boyfriend, Nandor.” he says happily waving.

“How old is he? Forty?” your mom asks with a disgusted look on her face.

“No, actually, I'm 761,” Nandor says to which you cringe.

“You need to come with us. You aren't safe here.” Your mom says.

“Know if anyone is not safe here, it's you two.” Laszlo says.

“Laszlo, stop.” You tell him, but you go unheard.

“That sounds like a threat.” your dad says.

“Oh no, it's a promise.” Laszlo says.

“Oh I'll have you know that I've been in a few fights with my day, and I can definitely take down a brit.”

“Guys, stop!” you shout.

“I'll have you know I've lived here longer than you have been alive.” Laszlo says.

“STOP!” you shout louder than before stomping your foot down on the concrete path which cracks under the pressure, everyone stops.

“What is going on?” your mom asks.

“Mom, dad, listen to me,” you start and then hold out your hand, “I command you to leave and go to Michigan. You both decided to let me stay here. When people ask about me, you will give them vague answers and tell them that I don't talk to you anymore, I went no-contact.”

“We will do as you please,” they both say and walk down the steps. After they leave, you go back inside and sit down in the library on the sofa. A few moments later, Nandor follows you in and sits next to you.

You lean over on Nandor, to which he pulls you close. After that, you can't help but let the tears fall as Nandor comforts you. Soon enough, you are sobbing against him.

You both stay like that for a while until Guillermo comes in and gets Nandors' attention.

“What, Guillermo?” he asks, “Can't you see I'm busy?”

“Nadja and Laszlo have something to cheer her up.” he says, “If she's up for it?”

“Yeah, I could use a distraction.” you tell them both.

“Okay they would like to play a song for you.” he tells you, “They have been practicing for a while.”

“Okay,” you say and a little while later you are all gathered around the piano. The tune that Laszlo plays is familiar but you can't quite put your finger on it until Nadja starts singing.

“Ooh, You can dance. You can jive.

Having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl. Watch. that scene. Digging the dancing queen,” Nadja starts and you clap along enjoying the song, “Friday night and the lights are low. Looking out for a place to go Where they play the right music. Getting in the swing You come to look for a king. Anybody could be that guy. Night is young and the music's high. With a bit of rock music. Everything is fine. You're in the mood for a dance. And when you get the chance,”

Laszlo joins Nador for the chorus, “You are the dancing queen. Young and sweet. Only seventeen. Dancing queen. Feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah. You can dance. You can jive. Having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl. Watch that scene. Digging the dancing queen.”

You know, right then, watching Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja, Guillermo, and even Colin, that you would be okay. You love these crazy vampires and their fierce bodyguard. This is everything you've ever wanted and more. A real family. You smile as Najda and Laszlo finish the song.

“What did you think?” Nadja asks you.

“I love it,” you tell her.

Masterlist

#nandor the relentless #nandor the relentless x reader #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #lazslo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #wwdits nandor #guillermo de la cruz #female reader

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ineffably-human · 2 years ago

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Canon! Queer!! Slow-burn!!!

Okay, but I think we can call it text now, right? Said-out-loud, have-this-on-your-radar text? 'These people are canon queer and have strong feelings for each other, and this is the most important aspect of both their plots' text?!

Nandor suspects Guillermo would be jealous of him getting married .

Guillermo confirms that he knows everyone, including the documentary crew, is thinking that. But because things are going well for him in that department as well he's over it, he's totally moved on from his canon textual feelings he acknowledges having.

Guillermo's entire face and voice journey lingering on Nandor having male wives that seems part "you were openly queer even when you were alive?" and part "nice to know THAT was never the problem." (He assumes it's a woman when first asked to be the best man, too, I think he genuinely didn't know Nandor would have considered a man as relationship material.)

Nandor getting a casual offer to join Laszlo and Nadja in sex, specifically to fuck Laszlo. Nandor being actively hornier with the male-presenting people during the whole wife montage. Leering at the guy he's wrestling with. Planning coffin sex with the other dude. Slapping the third guy's ass. 'Nandor's true love could be a man' we are loudly told over and over and OVER again.

"I'm cool with you getting married, I really am." "Oh good, I'm so glad you are cool with it." Nailed it, both of you.

The sheer married couple energy they have in basically everything.

"I already found love," hard cut to Guillermo's face before it goes to the portrait.

Like we are not getting a story of a man trying to find a relationship. He finds the relationship right away by ruling everyone else out, and then shows no interest in who it actually is.

The story is of a man who is deeply lonely but afraid to be challenged or vulnerable, even when both of those things are happening with the most important person in his life - who he loves anyway. Right as that person is getting more honest, and more in touch with himself as a sexual being, and might also be pulling away forever.

Some additional eyesemoji.jpg:

They sure as fuck aren't desexualizing Guillermo in this process. The robe, the stubble, denying he's a eunuch, the Guide having vivid horny fantasies. (As Laszlo, who needs some sensitivity training, talks about seducing a vampire? a vampire woman? being 'every young man's dream'. Guillermo's never said he's queer out loud, and it shows.)

Man, we sure did establish what a HUGE taboo it is for a vampire to fuck a vampire slayer. With lifelong punishments and/or memory-wiping consequences. (I wonder if the Guide fucked someone we're gonna meet later...)

Guillermo imprinting on Colin as a fellow latchkey kid, and wanting desperately to protect him. We already have such a strong sense of what his deal is with his family.

"I would have to know when your mother's birthday is and the things that you do." How Nandor looks guilty at that, but also how much it says about Guillermo being guarded. Nandor never asks, but does Guillermo ever try and tell? Did he try once, back when Nandor didn't care?

Guillermo is so barefaced honest about the things he needs and feels, in that basement scene with Nandor and baby Colin. Nandor not only hears him out, Guillermo tells him because this time Nandor did ask.

And when Guillermo says these things out loud? Colin falls asleep. I wonder if energy vampires only work in boredom or sadness. Maybe they can even respond to positive kinds of communication...

#fandom: wwdits #what we do in the shadows #otp: nandermo #wwdits spoilers #i am a meta gremlin #fuck we were SO FED with these episodes i am so jazzed for this season

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rel312 · 1 year ago

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What I loved about the last 2 episodes of WWDITS S5 (SPOILERS!!!):

Episode 9:

“The intoxicating elixir to the weary mind” everything Laszlo says is mesmerizing

Nandor using a book as an excuse to not go to The Guide’s art gallery

They have a car???

The vamps being carried around in a pet carrier as bats

Colin Robinson’s mustache

Perdita not even being there

“Six?”

This is all just set up by The Guide right?

The little moment between Guillermo and The Guide

Laszlo’s fencing joke

Laszlo not even moving while The Guide is going crazy

Everything about Laszlo’s fencing scene

His little “oh shit” at the end

Nandor and Colin Robinson playing chess but neither of them know how

The Guide making paintings of the vamps and wanting to show them off to her new friends

None of the vamps caring about the art

The Guide very clearly leading Nadja to the wrong place

Nadja calling Laszlo her best friend 🥹

Nadja pushing The Guide in front of her and The Guide just going “let me go first to keep you safe”

Nadja running away as she says she’s coming to help

The hunt being humans

Nandor thinking college athletes are the “most challenging prey”

Nandor’s impressed “look at him go”

Guillermo just chilling in the house

Nandor bird calling to hunt humans

Nandor literally treating Guillermo like a dog

Nandor actually trying to help The Guide by finding a stick

And then immediately running away from her when the humans come

Colin Robinson’s facial hair

“Predict-ament”

Colin Robinson being convinced everyone disappearing is Guillermo’s fault until he has like 2 seconds to think about it

Guillermo being so gentle with The Guide

The Guide ignoring Guillermo cause she’s trying to make a point

So it was The Guide!

“Glad onion”

Nandor still not understanding what’s happening

All of The Guide’s grievances being with Nadja in the flashbacks

Nadja still making it about her

We were right! The Guide did set up the hex!

I did not have Colin Robinson saying “Did not have that on my 2023 bingo card” on my 2023 bingo card

Nandor sticking onto “taking matters into his own hands” and everybody being like “what???”

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t wanna hurt you”

Nandor’s sad voice asking to make sure he heard it right

“You could’ve asked me” stop it stop it stop it

Babygirl is so sad

The fact that Nandor knew right away what was wrong with Guillermo’s turning

Also whoever called it being the Van Helsing thing was right

The fact that Laszlo knew exactly what date they all said nice things about The Guide

The way Laszlo draws out that “loveeeee”

Guillermo being so proud he turned into a bat for the first time

And then Nandor being upset that he’s rubbing it in

Laszlo protecting Guillermo from Nandor

Nandor’s scream for Guillermo

The way the nice conversation was just to set her up with Colin Robinson so he’ll move out

Episode 10

Guillermo going to Derek

Guillermo telling the crew to come in

Derek not understanding it was the crew that followed him

Nadja tracking Guillermo down

Or… I guess Derek just telling her lol

Wait she went to find Derek specifically to find Guillermo!

Nadja telling Derek her name was Detective Policeman

Nadja trying to protect Guillermo

Nadja going to stop the couple but then joining them

That was… a very personal way of describing Guillermo’s death Nandor

“I have been watching the one place he will return to eventually… Panera Bread”

“He can run, but he cannot run very far. Because he has very short legs”

Patton Oswald????

“Do you know John Slattery?”

Nandor not realizing there’s more than one Panera Bread

Colin Robinson asking Nadja where Guillermo is to find him

Colin Robinson doing an exit interview

“Mr. De la ‘Cruzz’”

“At times almost articulate” the awkward handshake

Nandor going to eat with Payton Oswald at Panera Bread

Laszlo coming to Guillermo too

“I must apologize, Gizmo, I feel like I’ve let you down” he cares

Laszlo starting to be sweet but getting distracted by the tv

“I’m just more afraid of losing the vampires. My friends” STOP he loves them so much

Nandor bringing Patton Oswald to the rooftops

And Nandor kicking him off for suggesting he doesn’t kill Guillermo

The Guide even coming to see Guillermo

Also the animal clones coming to see him

Guillermo telling them there’s no room at the “farm”

Nandor going to Guillermo’s mom to get to him

Nandor deciding not to kill Guillermo because he didn’t like killing Patton Oswald

Nandor’s word as a warrior

Guillermo hypnotizing his mom not to kill Nandor

Nandor telling the others he’s making Guillermo an equal and all of them hating it

Colin Robinson being so concerned on Guillermo possibly taking his seat

Laszlo being so upset that he didn’t think of giving Guillermo human blood

Also Nandor being smarter than Laszlo

“Drink bitch”

Guillermo fully turning and being so excited

Colin Robinson’s “FOMO”

The vamps draining a while restaurant

And Guillermo not wanting to kill anyone and genuinely getting so emotional about it

Nandor having heard the whole convo

Oh my god Nandor was never waiting cause he was fucking with Guillermo or some messed up shit, he was waiting for Guillermo to be ready

THE DJIN!!!!

Of course he ran out of wishes

“I wish I could help you”

Nandor really wanted to fix it though

Nandor tenderly tying Guillermo’s cape

The Baron and the Sire coming to the ceremony

Guillermo wanting to be a human

Did… did the Sure just say “thank you”??

Everyone except for Derek taking off their hoods

Guillermo just… turning back

And growing facial hair in a second

And Nandor carrying around Guillermo’s real glasses

Nandor pronouncing the t in Home Depot

Laszlo offering to Guillermo

Them bringing Derek to the necromancer

Derek having only spent $270 from Guillermo’s money on “vampire clothes” from hot topic

Derek coming back as a zombie

TOPHER????

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