#WHY IS EVERY FUCKING UPDATE THEY DO WORSE THAN THE LAST ONE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE

[teddybeartoji]

JUST OPENED TUMBLR ON DESKTOP WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Help, I Reincarnated as the Female Lead's Sister-in-Law!

 Story Masterlist

Chapter 13

‘Slight’ Yandere! Dion Agriche x Fem! Reader

Arranged marriage AU

Interact with this post to be on tag list. The DNI is on it so read that before anything.

UPDATED NOTE: I HAVE EDITED THIS STUPID THING HAHA. Also, I forgot how many people I tagged for this chapter originally and I deleted everything, including the tag list without realizing it... so I just sort of... tagged everyone. Again. Should I retag everyone in the remaining chapters as I edit them? Or no since technically speaking you guys already read the original chapter(s). Let me know in the comments/anon or however.

NOTE: I gave up on looking for computer error codes (I do not understand what they stand for in full detail, I’m just a silly little guy), so sorry if I used the wrong one.

WARNINGS: general yandere themes, obsessive and possessive themes/possible actions/behavior, themes of imprisonment (probably), blood, blood drinking (kinda? Not really, but JUST in case), blood, self-harm (biting thumb hard enough that it’s implies the wound reopened), violence (kicking Dion in the chest), thoughts of violence (thinking of kicking Dion’s face), vomit, panic attack, mention of suicide but Reader is NOT suicidal, one or two suggestive lines, kinda implied future violence (not towards Reader OR her family for plot reasons). Please tell me if I missed any.

Reader is NOT having a good time as usual. Pray for her.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THE HARMFUL AND/OR DANGEROUS ACTIONS THAT MAY TAKE PLACE IN THIS PIECE OF FICTION. THESE ACTIONS AND/OR BEHAVIORS SHOULD NOT BE NORMALIZED NOR ROMANIZED AS THEY ARE BOTH EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND TOXIC.

MINORS/BLANK BLOGS/BLOGS THAT DO NOT INTERACT WITH FANDOM RELATED THINGS (REBLOG/COMMENT ON FICS/ART, ETC.) DNI.

= = =

You ruined your own life.

That is the conclusion you come to when you wake up with an awful hangover, head throbbing, mouth dry, nausea kicking at your stomach as your mouth waters with acid. Your entire body aches, fatigue and dizziness making themselves right at home - the room swirls whenever you move.

When you dry heave, it feels like something is punching your lungs and gut, hot tears rolling down your cheeks from the pressure. Your stomach twists, becoming a knot, and you’re both cold and hot - covered in a cold sweat that’s worse than running in the heat. 

You gag again. Your mouth opens wide just like a snake’s and yet nothing comes out - not until you gently squeeze your throat, adding just enough pressure that brings forth the bitter and sour vomit that burns your throat. But it doesn’t stop there, not until you’re grabbing your stomach, praying that this will end.

Why did I fucking drink so fucking much?

The answer is simple - you wanted a distraction before you could become a hysterical mess during the dinner last night. Still, regret is a thing, and oh boy, are you feeling it in full.

Retching, your lungs painfully take in air, upset stomach getting in the way as every breath feels sharp. Sweat dribbles down your temples and face, eyes wide as your body rejects everything from last night. Your entire body trembles violently, holding your stomach like it would decrease the pressure, the urge. Hands clammy, you almost start to think that having a panic attack would be better than this. 

It still hurts when it finally ends.

“Urk! F-fuck…,” wiping away some of the vomit that clung to your chin, your body allows you to have a moment of recovery, muscles relaxing as you pant, lungs finally taking in the air that you desperately need. Heavy eyes struggle to stay open, a small dizzy spell falling over you. Your headache only worsens.

It feels like you’ve been through hell.

Tears stop rolling down your face as your breathing becomes steady. Everything still awfully aches, though. Your throat still burns, the sour taste of vomit doesn’t die on your tongue. It doesn’t go away even when you smack your lips and swallow.

Finally becoming aware of your surroundings, you notice a gentle pat against your back as someone also holds your hair back. So gentle and comforting, and automatically assuming it’s Hana, you accept the help without a word of complaint. Your eyes flutter close, grateful that the older woman is doing her best to comfort you in spite of yourself.

Well, that is until cold shivers run down your spine, as a oh so familiar low and sleepy voice speaks, only now noticing how large the hand that was patting your back was. Your eyes snap open immediately.

“Better?” 

Freaking out was an understatement. 

Violently scampering away, definitely not missing the touch of Dion Agriche, a terrified and horrified expression paints your face, heart running and beating fast enough it could win first place at a race. Nausea fills your entire being, but for a completely different reason now. 

A worse reason. 

Opening your mouth, words fail to leave your dry lips. You lick them, mind racing on what to say and do. In the end you spewed out nonsense that doesn’t even make sense to you.

“O-oh, u-um, Agriche, good - fuck - good day? Weather?” 

The slight twitch of his dead tired eye that resembles blood doesn’t help your anxiety. Had you offended him? If so, how - because he witnessed an unsightly sight? One that he decided to stay for?

Quick pants and shaky legs, you search and search and search for any type of exit - failing to remember that the heavy double doors were literally right behind you. No, instead you eye the terrace behind him and consider jumping off. 

Your legs almost beg you for it. 

How quick can you run? Would he stop you? No, rather would he get the wrong impression and think you were trying to commit suicide?

What then? Hand you over to his mental father or mother to use as a damaged toy? Burn your face and stitch up wounds that they created? 

“S-sorry, but -,” scooting away until your back hits something sturdy and hard, the only thing you’re capable of is stare at your arranged husband like a deer in headlights. Dion doesn’t crawl closer, still kneeling, an unreadable expression across his facial features. Like a predator staying still so as to not scare off their prey.

“I - I, um, didn’t mean to make a mess -” On the verge of crying from stress, you blink rapidly, unable to decide if you should look at him or close your eyes. Tears kept at bay, by reflex you bring your thumb up and -

CHOMP

It hurts more than usual, teeth tearing into injured flesh. It’s raw, desperate, a need to ground yourself. Your tongue swipes over the healing bite mark, crimson blood that resembles his eyes drawn as the metallic taste all but makes itself at home on your tastebuds. Hysterical, you cower, hoping, praying that Dion would look the other way and ignore you.

He does anything but. 

He crawls, fucking crawls like a bug, like he wasn’t Dion Agriche, the man whose pride exceeds the skies - or so you heard, the spoilers hazy. He rests on his knees again once he reaches you, long fingers forcing your thumb out and proceed to wrap around your wrist right after. You hiccup as he stares at it, unable to tell what he’s thinking. Maybe it’s better if you don’t.

“That’s a horrible habit you have there,” he states like it’s the morning news before he, like the creep he is, takes the injured digit into his mouth.

You’re too flabbergasted to react. 

Your brain fries, error code 43. 

It doesn’t reboot until moments later when his disgusting and slimy tongue runs over the wound, his saliva unfortunately soothing it just the slightest bit.

The urge to puke returns.

You jerk your hand back and he lets you. You think your expression is one of disgust, but it’s hard to tell when Dion blinks oh so calmly. Like he didn’t just shove your thumb into his mouth like the pervert he is.

But fear overrides the disgust, helplessly watching as your horrible husband comes even closer. You feel trapped between the wall - doors, actually - and his towering, intimidating figure. Without a care in the world, he wordlessly places a hand on the door slightly above your head. It wasn’t romantic, it was a way to keep you trapped, you’re sure. He resembles more of a creature than a human the longer you look at him - those eyes, so bloody, so bright, are inhumane. 

Because there’s a ‘light’ you can’t recognize, a ‘light’ that wasn’t in the manhwa. Here, he feels more sadistic - he’s only here to study you, to torture you and - 

You flinch when he oh so gently grabs your right wrist again, inspecting your bloodied thumb. You become boneless as he licks it, all the while keeping eye contact with you.

The shivers that run down your back aren’t pleasurable. 

“You should stop this,” he says as his head tilts, like he was curious about your reaction to everything. “You’re just making it worse.”

His genuine concern sounds like nothing but threats to you. Your flight-or-fight response kicks in when the hand planted against the wall - doors - goes to  your cold and sweaty cheek. His fingers are cold.

 As any sane person would, you kick him straight in the chest.

And somehow, someway, it hurts you more than him. It almost feels like a brick wall, wincing while he only fucking blinks. As if finally understanding the situation, he lets go and backs off, but stays in front of you. You’re on the verge of throwing up, of running past him to jump off the terrace, laughing as a fear response.

The only reason you don’t do any of it is because your body is boneless, barely able to breathe. Barely able to think. 

Neither of you talk nor move, the distant sound of footsteps and chirping birds filling the silence. He’s treating you like a scared animal while you’re treating him like a predator. Two people unable to understand the actions of the other. Two people on the opposite sides of the spectrum, their definitions of ‘loving’ completely different.

Regardless, he still tries, and maybe if you were into the possessive and obsessive type, you would have praised him. Assuming you notice and realize he didn’t plan on hurting you and was in ‘love’ with you, of course.

That he tries his best to be a gentle giant.

“D-D-Dion.” You stutter after slightly recovering from the fright, the throbbing of your thumb forgotten in the background. You can’t feel anything, really, even the cold tiles you sit on.

“Wife.” His response does little to soothe your nerves - no, rather, they freeze at his voice. 

“W-what… were you doing? I think-think I’m still half asleep, haha…” Nervously forcing out a small laugh, you truly hope that this is nothing more than a nightmare. You’d rather wake up to the sound of loud and annoying construction going on outside your apartment.

Ah, but, you weren’t in your old world, were you? The world that you foolishly abandoned - 

“Soothing it.” It’s uncharacteristic of him - he should either be mocking or ignoring you. Not whatever… this is.

Your stomach drops the longer you look at him. Words feel like mush in your mouth as you force them out. The air you breathe in feels tainted. 

“O-oh… um, you do realize you essentially drank my blood…?” It’s a miracle you’re holding a conversation without fainting. Still, the idea of jumping off the terrace doesn’t leave your head. It was a reckless plan, but there was a chance you wouldn’t die or break something, and at least would get a minute or two to yourself without him. If you weren’t caught by the guards immediately afterwards, that is. 

“And?” His head tilts, observing your reactions, like you were a science project. Scarlet eyes leave your terrified face to travel to your right thumb. A very, very small part of you want to bite it again, to bite it harder out of spite. The thought leaves when he makes eye contact with you again. 

You look away.

“That’s-that’s really unhygienic…” A whisper is all you can manage, eyes swirling as a dizzy spell falls over you again. How are you able to talk to this perverted brute?

Maybe you were only able to talk to instinctively smooth out the situation as much as you could. Or maybe your mouth was just running on its own, hoping this is what he wanted. Why else would he do such a thing? Aside from satisfying his sadistic and perverted urges.

All you want is to go home.

“So?” His head tilts, unkempt midnight hair falling into his scarlet eyes. There’s a very small expectation in his eyes - like he expected you to accept this ‘treatment’, to at least some degree. 

“I-I mean, it’s rather-rather…disgusting, is it not?” Holding your right hand close to your chest, left one wrapped around your wrist, you hold your breath. You can’t think straight, unable to decide on staying or running away. To keep talking or go silent as a mouse. 

He blinks before saying, “Not if it’s you.” 

Error code 43. 

Error code 43.

Request for maintenance. 

Maintenance needed to continue functions. 

Ever so slightly, a grin tugs at his lips at your flabbergasted expression. Little do you know that your husband doesn’t like seeing you scared, but he enjoys making you speechless, mind blank. Now, if only he could do that to you in other ways…

No. This isn’t the time to think about such things, he chides himself. He shouldn’t have these urges, innocent or not - he should be on the battlefield, soaked in red as corpses lay about, scattered like autumn leaves. He sees the fear in your eyes and something ugly twists and turns - this isn’t like him.

A part of him wants to stab the pang of dim guilt, to get rid of these useless things. But when he sees you, all he wants to do is hold you. And it’s disgusting, but he chooses to accept it, far too late and gone to deny himself any longer. 

It seems that you still haven’t realized you hold his leash.

“Is that so hard to believe?” He questions after a bit, once your mind is working again.

“H-huh? Wait - this - don’t play with me, please…,” you beg while shaking your head. Your breathing speeds up again, heavier than it was moments ago. Your feet firmly plant themselves flat on the floor. 

You think about kicking his face this time, giving you some time to run before the shock wears off. 

“I’m not,” carefully and slowly, he leans in closer, gently holding the back of your neck like it’s his favorite thing to do. He pulls you closer and closer until he’s able to whisper in your ear, hot breath hitting it. He whispers, almost possessively like he was confessing a grave yet delicious sin.  

“I mean it, really. You should stop assuming I’ll eventually throw you away.”

If the circumstances were different, if this was a healthy marriage, if this was a loving marriage, it would have been romantic. But because you’re married into the Agriche family, because your husband is Dion Agriche, it sounds like he’s trapping you in a cage, throwing away the key.

And in a way, he is, not wanting to let his pretty, lovely wife to part ways with him. 

Really, he’s not sure of how much longer he can keep himself in check - you drive him crazy and you don’t even know it. He wants nothing more than to keep you locked up in this room, your eyes reflecting his figure, your attention on him and him alone. His grip on your neck tightens the slightest bit - you’re practically in his arms. 

You fit perfectly against him - and yet, his mere existence makes you bleed. Dion shudders when you weakly push him away, hands pressed against his chest. Reluctantly he backs away, fingers grazing against your tear stained cheek as he lets go of the back of your neck. You don’t make eye contact, instead focusing on your feet - the cold tile reminding you that you’re not dreaming.

He hums while you bite your lower lip. This room is a cage, one that you can’t break out of. No. This marriage was a cage, heavy shackles on your ankles - not to the Agriche family but to him.

An obsessive and possessive husband with a scared wife, who will  one day, realize she has him tied around her pretty little finger. At the cost of her own loose leash in his hand, two people unable to escape the other. 

It’s awful, it’s insane, but who could blame him?

You’re just too lovely, too addicting to pass and give up. 

May God bless the poor soul who’s stupid enough to try.

“You’re starting to hurt my feelings by doing so, (Name).” = = =

@tiny-mimi @corpseri @queenofspades403 @pix-stuff @manitscold @darkumbreon92 @s-ajia @disappointment-san @louissatturi @cjafjatkstke @rainofcrime @danae-misfortune @kokomi2 @elvinapandra @labryel @rentaldarling @ishamyshaylaaa @semi-wife @rosedellamorte @puggyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[crab-rangoon-slut]

THE BLOOD WE SHED

Work rating: Explicit Chapter rating: yall all good

<<<<Synopsis: Telemarket and Lyra/you are childhood best friends navigating life with the suitors.

Both of you discover your sick fantasies of killing the suitors and uhhh *reveling in it* while covered in blood are shared.

However, you hardly have time to process this fact before a unfathomable storm reaches the coast of Ithaca... wait is that man on fucking raft fighting the god of the sea? Hello??

Anyway they fuck on Antinous' corpse.

!!THERE WILL BE ODY X PENELOPE REUNION SMUT!!

Originally on my ao3. I update on there faster>>>>

CHAPTER 2: REALIZATION

Inside my small home, jars of herbs and spices are illuminated but the light outside. The setting sun casts a golden glow through the windows. I admire the warmth of it for a moment before laying down on my bed.

“You tired?” Telemachus asks from where he’s sitting next to me.

I turn my head so I can look up at him, “Yeah, long day in the vineyard, nothing too bad…”

I hesitate, my face contorted with annoyance,

“…though I do get the feeling someone may have snuck in and taken some heaping baskets of the grapes.” I grit my teeth. “Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of antinous’ little friends. Those weasels have been branching out lately.”

His brows furrow, “Somehow that wouldn’t surprise me.” He runs his hand into his hair holding it there.

“Gods, they’re getting worse every day, it’s not even just the palace they’re ransacking. They’re beginning to run this side of the kingdom as if they’ve already claimed my father’s crown, the entitled fucks…”

He grows more and more pissed off with every word. He pauses for a moment recall all the shit they’ve been giving him.

“You what Antinous told me today? He held my face in the mud— but not for long though you should’ve seen the move I pulled to get up and strike him—“ his eyes glint with passion and pride, before he falters back to what he was saying,

“…yeah... But anyways— He had the audacity to tell me the second ‘he becomes king’ he’ll see to it that I’m killed,” he scoffs, “As if that’ll ever happen.” He says teetering on seething now.

I think about my response for a moment, trying to find the right words to keep him from (in true Telemachus fashion) working himself up too much. I settle for a joke—well, a half joke.

“Why don’t we just killed them??”

“Gods How I’d love to!” he chuckles, laying down beside me.

“No but realy imagine it for a second. How cathartic it’d be to just…paint the palace red and stand over all the dead suitors' bodies?”

There’s a moment of silence where I worry I may have suggested maybe just a little too imagery for sweet boy, gods bless him. Then he turns to lay on his side to look at me,

“Zeus Lyra that’s one way to start a conversation!” he laughs.

I chuckle a bit relieved.

“No but— is it so wrong to think about…? With the way they talk about your mother? And the female servants of the castle? And the threats they’ve made; the things they’ve already done to YOU? To me justified is an understatement.”

I think about all the fantasies I’ve had, some a bit more uh… *provocative* than others…

“…I’ve definitely thought about it more than once…” Telemachus admits, with a hint of guilt and…. something else hidden in his voice.

“Good. Because I definitely have.” I say matter of factly.

He raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“you think I haven’t?” I smile widely, “you underestimate me, Little Wolf”

He’s fully invested now.

“Well don’t leave me hanging! What exactly happens in these fantasies of yours?”

Hmmmm.. a very interesting question… I know my thoughts may be gruesome and detailed but gods know those sick fucks deserve it. I’ve patched far too many wounds and heard too many sinister whispers to not wonder how amazing it’d feel to put an end to it all.

“Well, the main feature is you and I standing in the great hall, strewn with bodies, leaving Antinous for last, and giving him the worse fate of the lot.”

His ears perk up, excitement in his voice,

“Yeah? Like how?”

“Hehe first you gotta tell me yours~”

“That’s not fucking fair, you started a thought you should finish it!”

“And I will! Once you tell me yours!”

He rolls his eyes playfully and looks up at the ceiling, letting the hypotheticals play out.

“I imagine pretty much the same thing, but the daydreams change sometimes for which one of us deals the final blow on that bastard.”

“Yeah?” I say with eyebrows shooting up

“How do we do it?”

A smile tugs at his lips for a moment as he indulges himself in the idea, “Well, sometimes it’s as simple as you holding him down while I drive a sword through his chest… other times it’s you bringing down an axe to his neck while he’s been knocked down”

My eyes widen slightly at the thought. I definitely don’t hate it….

“Hold shit I’d exude aura!” I burst out laughing.

He chuckles, returning my amusement,

“You covered in the blood of our enemies while you stand over that bastard would be fucking AMAZING.”

“You think so?” I say laying back on the bed and smiling at the ceiling.

“You’d look incredible, like a goddamn bloodied goddess of war” he chuckles almost to himself.

I note the undertone of the comment but push it aside—there’s a brief silence before he breaks it,

“Okay now yours, spill.”

I laugh softly,

“I fear we’ve managed to just about match each other on this one…. You want details?”

“Lyra. DUH.”

“Shut the fuck up nerd!” I punch his arm, he feigns looking like a hurt puppy.

“Well… one by one we take them out, baiting them to different parts of the castle, in groups or individually until we dwindle their numbers in the great hall. Then we lock the doors and strike with some kind of impossible strength and divine protection… carving a path until Antinous is the last one standing. And of course like you said, it switches up who takes the final blow; gods is it a sight for sore eyes… At the end of it we’d stand over the bodies, heavy breathing and covered in blood and just…”

…I bite my tongue and cut the fantasy short.

“—Revel in it.” I finish.

“Heh. I can almost see it… I’d feel like a god and you’d look fucking amazing covered in blood.”

I look at him from the side. That’s two strikes now. I wonder if he’s trying to allude to something…

“Yeah?” I ask with a quirked eyebrow.

“Yeah…—”

Just then, my mothers soft steps enter the house, Interrupting my train of thought.

“Mom!” I say sitting up, followed by Telemachus.

“Where've you been? It’s dark out—”

My mother gives me a playful look, “I visited the market if you must concern yourself~ Hello, Telemachus” she greets him patting his arm and letting down a basket of food.

“Mother!” He greets my mom, beaming. With how long he’s known us and with the amount of time he’s spent in our home over the years, she’s basically a second mother to him. And she cares for him as if he’s the son she never had.

“Shall I make a place for you at the table?”

He grins widely. My mother puts such care into anything she makes. It’s a million times better than what the cooks back at the palace make, and he’d take home cooked over anything else. Any day.

“If you don’t mind— I’ve definitely missed dinner back at home…” he says knowing he’d lost track of time, but he knows Penelope will know where he’s run off to.

“You know you’re always welcome at our table~” She return his smile, “I’m going to tend to the garden, I’ll be back shortly.” My mother leaves us alone to go gather herbs and care for the plants outside. The many shades of greens leaves and colored flowers await her.

“What were we saying?” He asks crossing his legs so he faces me where he sits on the bed.

“I don’t remember…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHORS NOTE: what the fuck is up with this clunky ass funky ass editing on here 💀 I can’t select shit and if I press enter half the time it deletes everything wtf diva

NEXT CHAPTER HAS SMUT✨✨✨ it’ll be less thorough and carved out + also way less long as compared to the real smutty shit I’ll get into. BUT it’s still good shit~ All those chapters will have warnings at the beginning!

[surftrips]

LOVE HIM (I DID)

OBX WRITING WEEK DAY 4 — SECOND CHANCE W/ RAFE CAMERON

word count: 1093

summary: rafe leaves for the last time. y/n comes back for the last time.

a/n: sorry this is a day late! was absolutely slammed this week with work, so the rest of my stories for obx week will be pushed back by one day. <3

You should’ve known better. You had met Rafe through your favorite cousin, at a backyard pool party. It was late and you two were the only ones left standing outside, lighting cigarettes off the oven. 

That was in the summer, you could’ve never seen the bloodbath that was coming. Never would have known what a waste of time being with him was. Because no matter how good it felt, none of that was worth how awful his absence felt.

And no matter how much you wanted it to work out, loving him was just not fair. It was sad really, how often he left and how often you let him back into your life. 

“Why are you leaving again? Please tell me,” you begged. 

"Because I don't want to fucking hurt my girlfriend.” Rafe snapped. "God, half the time I'm with you, I'm scared I could break you, even though I'm doing everything I can to hold back."

You wanted nothing more than to help him. It broke your heart to see him struggling and instead of going to you for help, he would run away. Every time. 

“Rafe, I can handle it. We’re supposed to be in this together,” you responded.

“No, no I can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You’re hurting me right now.” 

That was the last time you two spoke, nearly a month ago. You, too tired to try anymore, and Rafe, too stubborn to come back for one last time. 

He had his issues. He would come over upset sometimes, from a long day of work or dealing with his father. You were always able to calm him down, but you could tell that he felt like a burden. You always assured him he was anything but, that you loved him and you would never get tired of him. 

It never seemed to get through his head, or his heart, the fact that he was loved. You began to believe that maybe love wasn’t enough, that maybe you weren’t enough. 

Being with him started taking a toll on you, and he knew this too. But this didn’t mean that you wanted to break up, you were willing to fix things with him. You always were. 

Even though you weren’t seeing him anymore, you had his best friends send you occasional updates on how he was doing. Topper said that he was, quote, “sad, but getting through it,” which you’re not sure was reassuring or not. 

Still, you were glad to see him back at work and smiling sometimes on the beach. You kept your distance from him, knowing that maybe this was the break he needed to finally get better. If you weren’t going to help him, you just wished someone or something else did. It was a hard truth to swallow, that the love of your life might be better off without you, but you loved him more than the truth. 

One day, his other friend Kelce told you something that stopped you in your tracks. Apparently, Rafe was in therapy. You could hardly believe the words he was saying to you.

“Like, he’s talking to a professional? About his feelings?”

“Apparently, he didn’t say much to me. You know how he is,” Kelce explained.

“What were his exact words?” Maybe his friend had heard wrong.

“Uhhh, ‘Nah, I can’t go, I got therapy.’” 

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that was it.” 

“Well, how does he seem nowadays? Better?”

Kelce hesitated, knowing that if he said yes, you might feel bad, but if he said no, you would feel even worse. He settled on the truth, “Yeah, honestly he does seem better. Smiling and laughing. Making jokes again. He was so serious a few months ago when you guys broke up for real.” 

The word “break up” was still sensitive to you, but you pushed on. “Good, that’s really good. Thanks, Kelce.” 

Back at home, you wondered about what this meant for you two. If there was even a “you two” to begin with. You both had been on your own for so long now, it almost felt like that backyard pool party had never happened. Almost.

You knew that no matter how hard you tried to forget him, Rafe would always be an important part of your life. You told yourself that you didn’t love him anymore, that you only used to, but that wasn’t true. No matter how hard loving him got, losing him was even worse. You decided that this would be the last time once and for all. 

He answered his door on your third knock. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Rafe. How are you? Can I come in?” you said, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Uhh, sure. Come in, is there something wrong?” His eyes scanned your face and body for any signs of distress or hurt. 

“No, nothing is wrong,” you smiled at him gently, hoping to change the anxious expression on his face. “Kelce told me you were in therapy.” 

“Oh.” 

“Is that true?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t offering you anything. “My therapist says that I should take time to be alone right now. To work on myself instead of depending on other people.” 

“I understand,” you said slowly. “I just came over here to check on how you were doing.”

“Look, Y/N, we do this every time. I appreciate you checking on me but this is my problem to fix.”

“You can fix this problem, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone all the time. You know I’m here for you, right?”

“I know, but that was the issue. I only depended on you. It wasn’t fair to you.”

For the first time, he was admitting it out loud. The fact that there was never a balance in your relationship.

He continued, “You didn’t have anyone to lean on. I knew that and I was being selfish because I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.” 

“Rafe…” 

“Y/N, can I just ask you one thing?”

“Yes?”

“That you’ll be there for me when I’m better. I’m not telling you not to see anyone else, or even wait for me, just that I’ll at least have a friend when I find myself again. Because I’m worried you’re not going to like who that is, hell, I don't even know who I am underneath everything.” 

You sighed, “Of course. I know you, I know how incredible and kind and sensitive you are. You’re my best friend, at the end of the day. Always.”

With that, he pulled you into his arms and you hugged as if for the first time. 

[thegeminisage]

it IS. star trek update time. i am so behind because my fucking schedule got fucked. wednesday we watched "meridian" and "defiant," thursday we watched "fascination" and "past tense" part i (i know), and last night we caught "past tense" part ii and "life support" even though we were gonna do them in release order and start voyager first.

rip. we couldn't start voyager with like 30 minutes left. it hasn't been the first time we've had to go slightly out of order and it probably won't be the last. anyway, we've officially made it to 1995! 1994 ended with a string of surprisingly mid ds9 episodes, some i might even go so far as to call duds...

meridian:

had the summary of this one ahead of time ("quark attempts to use kira in the holosuite") and was braced for the worst. i was braced for deanna-barclay's-sex toy 2.0. at one point i was like "if they do it in this episode it's worse because they KNOW it's wrong. in tng they acted like they didn't know better."

thankfully they did not do it. the one thing i can say here is that they did not do this to my girl kira. and, you know, she had odo's support! it's always nice to see them together.

actually, the first scene of this episode sent me to fucking mars. first, kira asking odo about food. i've been wondering about this too so i'm glad she did. SECONDLYYY, kira pretending she and odo were lovers and then her calling him sweetheart again even though they were alone. odo looked like he was going to think about that every day for the rest of his life. i gotta say he does "gruff pining man who refuses to admit his feelings" very very well. could ANYONE really deserve kira? no, except someone who looks at her like she's hung the moon every time he think she's not looking back. bareil who. get out of here.

i just can't believe she touched his hand. maybe odo DOESN'T make hands to touch people with maybe he makes hands specifically so major kira can touch them. AAAAAAAGHGHGH

i absolutely HATED quark in this episode. i am trying so so hard to like him and prior to this i'd gotten up to a "slightly more positive than neutral" but we set back a lot of hard work here. maybe i'm the one racist against ferengis, not sisko, but it sure would help me be less racist if quark wasn't trying to put major kira in a holosuite. it was particularly cruel i think to tell her she'd won some kind of prize when "i've never won anything before."

it is kind of fun to watch odo do his kira thing and his quark thing at the same time, like him or not i respect that quark is one of odo's love interests. in one scene he got to be protective of kira WHILE bullying quark so that must have been a good day for him. i wish it had been a good day for me also

i had seen gifs of quark in the nightgown and when i googled "quark in a dress" i got entirely different sets of pics so it was fun to see where this finally came from! it was decent revenge, also, but i feel like quark never suffers any consequences when he actually does cross a line (vs just doing petty crime). like when he was dating that maquis vulcan or whatever it was. it makes it SO hard to like him and i am TRYING SO HARD. i like ds9 so much. i want to like the entire cast.

anyway, the actual plot. jadzia dax...........i am also trying so hard with her but GIRL you are gonna run off with some guy you met two days ago?? he is gonna leave his whole planet and age 60 years without them for a girl he met two days ago?? can y'all calm down???

it's even more damning because it's jadzia especially; she's very young, and if you ignore what i know about season 6 spoilers she would likely still be very much alive AS JADZIA when the planet comes back, but if not she'd still be alive in a new host. if friendships can run multiple lifetimes, why not romances? she could literally wait for him. instead she is gonna throw her whole life away

that said, the two of them WERE incredibly charming. they had great chemistry and jadzia being nervous in the tree because of curzon's tree trauma was extremely cute. i thought julian was a good sport about it too, considering - i was so worried he'd be a freak.

but my FAVORITE part of this episode was dax and sisko saying their goodbyes. they're both really good actors, especially the guy playing sisko, that i welled up even though i knew jadzia wasn't going anywhere and wouldn't have been THAT upset if she was. i love when sisko calls her old man and I LOVE when he loves people. it was such a sweet scene.

also, sisko with the kids was so cute. he's got the dad energy 24/7 and he's such an easygoing guy. i could watch him do anything. play with kids. mess around with his little baseball. yell at admirals. brush his teeth. literally anything. he's so fucking talented he could pull everything off.

ultimately, with a horrible b-plot and an only barely passable a-plot, this ep was a dud, but even ds9's duds are better than tng's mids

defiant:

SPEAKING OF TNG.............

okay wait first i have to comment on kira's little burnout scene. i can't believe she fucking yelled at julian and instead of getting mad he was like ah okay i see you're overworked i'm ordering you to have a day off. HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSONNNN he makes me crazy i love him so much

i DO think it was a little mean to have quark be kira's babysitter and offer kira a holo program considering. you know. but i assume the episodes were written in isolation of one another

anyway, RIKER?? i always kind of wished riker and deanna could come to ds9 with worf because they were WASTED on tng, but NOT LIKE THIS!!!

he totally tricked me. i didn't pick up that he was shady until kira was showing him around the defiant and even then i thought maybe there was a hostage situation or some alien was controlling him......NO! it was the RANDOM ASS CLONE from a random ass tng episode!!! girl, WHAT??

him peeling off the sideburns was so funny. like, this riker doesn't have those. and at first i was like the difference is so minimal NOBODY would notice but then i couldn't stop looking at his beld little cheeks. horrible.

i love when dax and kira almost had girl talk about fucking riker but then she didn't even fuck him. sad. i mean it would have been under false pretenses which is kinda sketchy (which is probably why they made time to point out they DIDN'T fuck actually, good job ds9 staff), but still. it could have been fun.

i never did figure out why evil riker (sorry for calling him evil but he kidnapped kira my best friend) had beef with o'brien...was he just trying to get him to leave? does he hate everyone who ever worked on a transporter? i forgot the details of that other ep, and i remain mystified.

i love whatever sisko and dukat have going on. they hate each other but they love to flirt with each other. sisko should be allowed to flirt more often ESPECIALLY with men.

kira did a great job sabotaging that fucking ship after only being on board for .5 seconds. you can take the girl out of the warzone but you will never take the warzone out of the girl. they're lucky she didn't have their fucking heads i love her SO MUCH

i was sad about evil riker having to go to a cardassian labor camp...nobody deserves that. maybe vedek winn deserves--no, nobody deserves that. i like that kira promised to get him out, but i checked for spoilers and apparently we don't hear anything else about him until lower decks. which, good for them for providing closure, but i'm still not looking forward to that show.

also like HE WAS RIGHT. this is the second time someone from starfleet has been like "those cardassians are up to some shady shit" and everybody called them crazy BUT THEY WERE RIGHT. the cardassians are always up to something shady!!!

fascination:

i am sighing so deeply.

okay, right off the bat, i was at LEAST relieved jake finally got dumped by his FULLY GROWN ADULT GF. that was maybe the high point of this episode??

lwaxana troi is back. this is the first time we've seen her since i decided no one is allowed to be mean to her anymore. i do maybe perhaps wish she had touched odo a LITTLE less.

very sad when iodo thought he and kira were going on a little holiday date and she was like yeah remember my boyfriend? get out of here!

the bit with julian and obrien talking about how much racquetball they played was pretty good actually. like it was a good set-up to the thing later where julian was like oh buddy i know i said i was getting sick of racquetball before but i am actually down for HOWEVER many games it takes. he's such a good person. kill meee

jake falling for kira first was HORRIBLE. i was starting to wonder if he had an older woman complex. it was starting to get upsetting!!! someone put a stop to this!!!

"the office has changed winn" i don't think it has i think she's still an evil bitter old bitch. actually i got proved right later in fascination. so.

okay, actually, it was a little funny when dax fell for sisko and then he started nervous laughing about it thinking she was joking because this is NOT like fucking twins together and then she was no im dead serious lets fuck and he got out of there like the road runner so he could take her to sickbay. he's a good person too

also when kira and bashir started going at it, mostly because both of them were equally embarrassed/horrified/begging someone to get them apart with a cold water hose. i bet they were like let us NEVER speak of this again

however most of this episode was VERY uncomfortable and unfunny.........like, quark going after KEIKO? gross. i hate him. and, love and light, of COURSE it was lwaxana's fault...she was so toned down in this ep i almost forgot she was there

final note, it was absolutely miserable watching obrien and keiko fight...i want them to be happy! i can't believe they almost got divorced and there wasn't even a spell or anything happening. obrien was NOT at his best here and he's lucky he's good at apologies. in his defense on one point she DID ask him to decide what to do and got mad about his decision...but like, was he wrong? the red dress DOES look fantastic.

past tense parts i & ii:

I WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS............

ok some bg explanation required. ever since seeing this art and this art i became a little obsessed with an aos version of city on the edge of forever where they visit the 90s. the 90s would have about the same level of nostalgia to a modern audience as the 30s did to tos's original audience, right? it's one of those things i always thought about writing but will probably never seriously get around to. but in my mind palace, the aos version would HAVE to be in san fran - the geographical opposite of new york, and also the climate opposite (socal in summer vs nyc in winter). like i have half a plot sketched out in my head, this is a thing i have given SERIOUS thought to - i just don't know much about this era in trek's history

SO WHEN I REALIZED. THEY HAD TIME TRAVELED. which i did as soon as i saw the guns. i was BESIDE MYSELF with joy

and how absolutely fitting that it's 2024 in that show and in real life! i want to rewatch these episodes on august 30th.

also, sorry, if it's august in san fran why are they so cold...we looked up temps and the LOWEST low is 55, which IS chilly, but they were acting like they were freezing to death lol

this episode is ABSOLUTELY the spiritual sequel to city on the edge of forever. back to a dark period in earth history, stranded there, a good person has to die to uphold history, etc etc. it was SO GOOD.

it aged both poorly and fantastically. every time they were like well the deaths of these innocent people made the world pull their shit together...uh, no, we passed that opportunity several school shootings and one pandemic ago. on the other hand, every time they basically turned to the camera and shamed us for letting it get this bad...what was that line, "causing people to suffer because you hate them is really terrible, but causing people to suffer because you don't care is worse." so true the news has numbed us into total apathy at even the most horrific of injustices "they'll remember how to care, in this century" WILL WE?? absolutely spooky and uncanny

references to the internet were really good. we gotta log on to the net. it won't let me in without my ID. ok are you in a republican state??

julian fighting his own internal nature every time he had an opportunity to save someone and couldn't. i was getting nervous even when he gave that woman a chocolate bar to treat her blood sugar. HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSONNN

wah. sisko bring julian breakfast

i KNEW that guy who jumped in the fight was bell the second he did it. i knew he was gonna die and sisko was gonna have to replace him. absolutely over the moon about it. sorry to bell of course but we don't get nearly enough sisko content. the other characters in these episodes almost felt like afterthoughts, except for dax and julian a little bit.

even dax just spent the whole episode seducing and then radicalizing a capitalist though. which, good for her, but her scenes were SO BORING compared to everything my best friend sisko was doing

i did have a good laugh and kira and obrien landing in various wrong eras though. "i broke my nose" ma'am your hand in marriage

fun surprise of this episode was the really, really annoying mouthy guard also getting radicalized. i didn't see it coming, because he seemed really determined to get himself killed (to the point of sisko having to manhandle him to get him to shut up even a little lol) and i thought he was just there to make sisko's job harder. but then you hit the end and he has this come to jesus moment in real time before your eyes...i don't believe we'll remember how to care on a global level in this century, but THAT i did believe. it was SUCH a fun nice surprise, i really enjoyed that

my only complaint is that i wish they had played up the danger to sisko more - like we all know he can't die, but i wish the characters had worried about it more. i think the implication was that webb didn't have to die here, but someone did, and since it wasn't sisko, it was him? mush as i love kira and o'briens gag, i feel like we could have spent more time on the fact that sisko was willing to die - and leave his own son behind - if it preserved the timeline, and there was a very real danger of that happening. i really like julian staying behind when he didn't have to, and i felt like it was BECAUSE of this specific reason - he was desperate to prevent sisko's death. which he sort of did indirectly do, but i feel like that danger hanging over everyone would have for a more satisfying conclusion

oh wait final note. the fact that sisko read up on the fucking rules of acquisition because quark accused him of being racist a few episodes ago. KING behavior. i absolutely love that

life support:

...because it turns out he WAS racist against ferengi! i had nearly forgotten but jake reminded us that sisko once said ferengi and humans were too different to be friends. damn. tng is always forgetting its own episodes but ds9 remembers stuff that even i forgot

anyway. was this one EVER rough.

first of all, the b-plot of "nog doesn't know how to act around women" does not go well with the a-plot of "kira loses her lover one inch at a time while modern medicine turns him into a zombie in the name of politics"

i think the b-plot was bad because nog and jake's issue isn't "we had a moment of culture clash" it was "nog is treating women like property when they don't want to be treated that way." like, it doesn't matter if that's what ferengi do, he's NOT DATING FERENGI so he can't expect them to ACT like ferengi women. this was not about the ethics of "can we really protest sexism if it's a cultural thing" it was about nog failing to read a social cue. jake wasn't the only angry one, the girls weren't about it either

that said, this would never have happened if jake hadn't tried to ditch his friend for a girl. at least the girl was finally his own age i guess

i do like that he asked odo to fix it though. he was like odo i need you to be SUCH a huge bitch to nog and me for a little while and odo was like say no more sir

a-plot of this episode was somehow even worse. firstly, the OFFICE did NOT change winn. she is still a power-grubbing heartless old bitch, as evidenced by her outright refusing to lie to bareil for his own health when all she did in season 1 and 2 were lie to get her own way. she CHEATED to get this job and now she doesn't wanna fucking do it, she wants to use a dying (zombified) man as her scapegoat and tool. i can't wait until this bitch dies

and look. i never liked bareil. that first sex vision he and kira had in the orb really put me off. it seemed to make her deeply uncomfortable more than flustered-embarrassed the way you'd get if you'd seen your crush naked in the orb, you know? like i thought they were setting him up to be a bad guy. by the time i realized that wasn't the case it was too late. he always just kinda rubbed me the wrong way

but not even bareil deserves this!! me at the beginning of the episode yeah he's going to hell for touching kira in her orb vision me by the end can we please let him die already PLEEEASE please please

julian in this episode was so sad...he wanted to help, and instead he was being forced by literally everyone to use his doctor powers for evil. i think he was relieved near the end when he (and his patient) finally got to be finished with the torture.

kira's scene at the end was amazing, of course. she's already gone through so much and this is just one more shitty thing!!! she's so strong and i wish she didn't have to be. PLEASE treat her really niceys.

i can't say i'm sorry to get done with bareil's scenes, though, since i never liked him much. but i MUCH would have rather winn died instead.

whew!! that was a long one. NEXT TIME.....................we begin voyager. please please please please be good

[purplesurveys]

1946

Have you ever hit an animal with your car? Once, but I did all I could to mitigate the damage. The dog was moving pretty eratically, like it was in pain or having an episode of some sort...and just jumped out into the highway. No way anybody could have seen him coming.

Anyway, my reflexes kicked in so the moment I saw the dog from the corner of my eye I stepped on the brakes. He still ran into my car, but much lighter and I wanna say much less messier than what could have happened.

Favorite ride at the amusement park? LOL I can't ride anything, my stomach's always been a killjoy at amusement parks. We have a local fair ride called the caterpillar that just goes around and around...it's the only thing I can get on without turning pale.

Do you have many followers on your Tumblr? I have 255 followers on here which is tbh crazy high for a blog that's just been spurting out surveys for the past 12ish years.

Do you tan easily? I'm already tan but in terms of purposely going out to get tanner – it takes me a while!

Are you expecting something in the mail? Yeah but not for like another month or so.

Do you inspire others? I don't know.

Are you healthy? Heh, no I'm not.

Three things you try to avoid as much as possible: Walking on highway sidewalks, pickles or pineapples in anything I eat, and fire.

Number of jeans in your closet: Around 5ish, I want to say?

Do you follow fashion? I do follow it in the sense that I know what looks or pieces are trending, but I'm the laziest fucking shopper ever and barely update my closet. So I know what everyone's wearing; I just don't necessarily wear it for myself.

Do you have a big butt? I wouldn't call it ~remarkably~ big but it's not bony either, lmao.

Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? I did, when I had a partner. I looked forward to the anniversary every single year and always wanted to go all out for each one.

Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Rihanna.

What's your worst interior design nightmare: The hippie concept. The clashing of colors, all the stuff on the walls, the printed everything...eugh just not a fan sorry.

Are you one of those people that often feel sorry for yourself? No. I'll feel frustrated with my situation a lot of the time, but I find self-pity just unnecessary.

Three persons you would like to thank: My dad, Angela, Dev.

Is your closet disorganized? It's been in worse states.

Do you like to cuddle with your S.O. or do you prefer your space? I was a cuddler.

What TV shows do you watch on a regular basis? I tend to just watch TV shows once haha. Except for maybe Friends and The Big Bang Theory, which I rewatch fairly often.

Does it make someone a racist if they’re not attracted to a specific race? No, racism and attraction are two different things.

Do you use reusable shopping bags to reduce waste? Sometimes.

Where were you going the last time you were a passenger in a car? The Grab driver was dropping me off where I live. I liked him up until he insisted on playing a religious sermon...it just rubbed me off the wrong way because when I told him I was Catholic (just to not invite further questions, because Filipinos are super judgey about religion lol) he explained that he was nonetheless gonna let me listen to a Christian sermon. The agenda-pushing was just so obvious and if I were an actual Catholic I'd be PISSED that he was shoving his denomination down my throat.

Then when I cleared the air and told him I'm not religious, he still insisted on playing it...then he kept checking on me to see if I had earphones on??!!?!!? It was just so weird. Idk if he sensed that I just did not give a motherfucking flying fuck or what, but at some point he went back to playing Actual Music which I was silently grateful for.

Do your parents have a strong relationship together? Uh, idk. I guess they do, most of the time. But my mom is toxic. Past and present. I've been witness to her being violent and threatening suicide. I do not get it. I do not get why he stays in those moments. Some days I just want to get drunk so I can confront my dad and ask him that if divorce was legal here would he have done it years ago.

When was the last time you attended a religious service of any sort? Last Sunday.

Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? Sure.

Do any of your neighbors have loud children? The loud kids behind our house disappeared OMG. Now that you've mentioned it, the babies stopped crying and the bigger kids stopped making noise.

What is the hardest part of your life right now, and what is the easiest? Hardest is how I hate my job and how I don't have a choice but to keep staying here so long as I don't have a replacement, because I don't exactly have the privilege to take a break whenever I want.

Easiest would be not being a breadwinner or having heavy financial obligations. Speaking of privilege – I do have that to an extent, in a sense that I am not in a position where my family relies on me wholly or a position where 100% of my earnings go to family. So many Filipino children cannot say the same as they are otherwise expected to sustain the entire household because their parents did not and are not doing a good job at it. Bottom line, I have it easy in this country. And I acknowledge that every single day.

What is your favorite social media platform at the moment? I like IG because it's so chill, nobody gives a fuck about your stories so you can post whatever you want and nobody argues on there either hahaha.

Do you have trouble forgiving people who hurt you? Idk if you'd call it having trouble, but I just don't forgive at all. It's more peaceful for me that way.

What is something that is hard for most people but is easy for you? Cutting people off. Especially Filipinos! We have such a deeply-ingrained "but she's your mom" "but she's your best friend" culture in a sense that relationships are everything to us and most people can't ever imagine breaking those relationships. But idk to me it's just... fuck me over, and you're out.

What is something that is easy for most people but is hard for you? Taking shots. Literally incapable of taking a full shot in one go, haha.

What is your favorite color, and do you own a lot of things in that color? Purple. Yeah.

List three things you have survived. The financial struggles the pandemic brought, suicidal thoughts over the years, and emotional abuse.

When was the last time you had someone pray with you? Ew.

List five of your favorite female singers. Beyoncé, IU, Adele, Hayley Williams...I can't really think of a fifth one but maybe Billie Eilish? I love how gentle her voice is.

When was the last time you got ice cream from an ice cream truck? The ice cream truck is such a foreign, Western concept to us lmao. We have ice cream pedicabs and dirty ice cream carts – last time I bought from a pedicab was I wanna say 2020, during the pandemic. It had been months since we had groceries beyond the bare essentials and ice cream just seemed so appealing at the time.

Last time I bought from a dirty ice cream cart...shucks. Maybe in college? I only ever get to see them around UP tbh, lol.

Do you celebrate the 4th of July, and if so, how did you celebrate it this year? I have literally zero reasons to.

Who was the last of your friends to have a baby? None of my friends have given birth yet.

Have you ever been pregnant? Nope.

What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? Red.

Are you happy at the moment? Why or why not? No. I wish I could find more meaning in the work that I do...I wish I can go back to the days where I wake up feeling actually excited to do the things I need to for the day, and I wish I could work in an environment where people equally didn't give a shit about each other and where there's no pressure to form friendships at work. Where I currently work has turned into fucking high school and it's revolting, lmao.

What is one thing about your life you hope will never change? My stubborn resilience.

How would you describe your journey so far in your 20s? It started off great but now I understand why quarter-life crisis is a concept.

What are some activities or hobbies that bring you joy and help you relax? Watching YouTube videos might sound like a lazy hobby at first glance BUT!!! I love it for the variety of content and creativity that you can find there. It doesn't just offer MrBeasts or the Jake Pauls because you also have super talented independent documentary filmmakers; artists who do stop motion short films, or content creators like Jessica Lee who bend over backwards to come up with topics that hasn't been done before.

I'm a big food enthusiast so I like to go to new restaurants as much as I can; I also like going to museums; and I read about history and culture whenever I can.

What are your thoughts on marriage and starting a family? Is it something you envision for yourself? It used to be. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom and be a great wife and raise the typical storybook family where I learn how to cook for them and I take my kids to school and have that happy ending. The failure of my previous relationship shattered that dream for me and, really, every ounce of optimism I had toward that future.

[deceptive-daydreams]

Underground update! 😍 im so pleased that a longer chapter won out. thank you for giving us the choice 🖤

Her character is getting more concrete in these flashbacks. Her choosing to sit on her own rather than with Steve to avoid his friends, being known as one of the shy ones, her berating herself over thinking anyone would even be interested... its all so heartbreaking. I feel like loneliness is such a big theme in this chapter, she was lonely at school and she's lonely present day, thinking everyone has essentially been having a laugh at her expense.

Especially Steve, so he was there for the falling out that she describes as heartbreak, helped her through it and cant not have known there were bigger feelings there for Eddie, whatever happened. Yet Steve still chose to get his 'selfish needs' met with him. Thing is, his needs being met wasnt her issue at all, just who he chose to meet them with. The way Steve thinks about this kinda makes me think it might just be hooking up, no big feelings, and i cant decide which would be worse, him choosing someone who hurt her just for the hell of it or that they do genuinely like eachother. But then if they do really like eachother, where does that leave R? I need so much more information! The flashback parts seem to say Eddie was into her just as much as she was him, which even Steve saw! (Plus Eddie's internal conflict over selling, not wanting to become his father - so sad 😢) I wonder how a conversation went between Eddie and Steve after last chapter. I kinda want them to call their thing off, but what if they are in love and stuff? I mean, I dont think they are..

And then R and Eddie's interaction present day, she thinks hes a liar but whhyy? What did you lie about Eddie?! I mean, he says nothing.. so who's in the wrong here? And he seems just as angry at her.. I need more info before i pick a side ��� and then her feeling so alone, not wanting to bother anyone and feeling so isolated from all her friends 💔 Plus still having to go into work because bills and just the stress that situation will have caused her, felt it big time. I hope Will in particular doesn't let her keep feeling that way.

Then both boys at the coffe shop and thier totally different approaches was interesting. Steve getting straight in her face didn't do much good, and Eddie's peace offering.. yea it was sweet, but pal, it's going to need much more than a coffee. Loved this as always, got me in all the feels 🖤🖤

you have no idea how excited I was when I woke up and this was in my inbox 🥹 I LOVE YOUR COMMENTARY AND I LOOK FORWARD TO IT EVERY TIME

lmao me worrying about it being 9.9k when the poll said like 10k-12k IT WAS ALMOST 10 OKAY but it needed to end where it did

Yeah loneliness fucking sucks even when you do have people around you cause it’s like well why are you lonely? And it’s just this thing you can’t really explain so you self isolate and make it worse especially in times of need. UGH SHES REALLY GOING THROUGH IT

I can’t say a lot but Steve done fucked up

we’ll have to see their story unravel more to see who’s right about the past and whether Eddie actually lied or not cause after all, there’s two sides to a story and then there’s the truth.

yeah Steve is a little inept in that way, tbh everyone is just so emotionally stunted in some way or another in this situation 🫤

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND IT MAKES ME ALL GIDDY AND EXCITED

[helixtheman]

End of year updates: the "GO TO HELL 2024 AND 2023" edition

2024 is finally coming to an end, and I have to be honest – I absolutely hate 2024 and 2023. I loathe these two years. If I were to try and explain why and what happened, I wouldn't even get halfway through it. So, to keep it short and simple: if you have any objections or negative comments, I will block you. -_-

While 2022 was decent and ended on a good note, 2023 was so bad for me that it triggered my old anger issues, making me flip out. 2024 has tested my patience and humility. However, over these last two years, I’ve become a better person, kinder and more in control of myself. Finally, I managed to call out everything I’ve been holding in since 2012, and I got it all out of my system. I let go of my hatred for the Yu-Gi-Oh! community, told them to fuck off since most of them are idiots, and blocked every liberal who hated 5D's but refused to be my friend.

By the way, Trump won the election. So, whether America is collapsing or not, I don’t care anymore. Here’s the truth, plain and simple: Screw America and its politics. You all know America’s headed for collapse, not because of the orange man or money, but because people are fed up with it. Liberals are in panic right now, not just in politics but in all areas. The reason this happened is that the first time I heard about Trump, I wasn’t a fan, but over time, he became less of a problem and more of a meme to me, which I ended up roasting and even supporting. Biden and Obama failed America. Trump won’t fix much, but he’s making things worse because Republicans are more about greed than honesty.

Now I’m gonna say it like this: I don’t care about what Yu-Gi-Oh! fans have to say to me. I don’t listen to YouTubers. Hell, I loathe Yugitubers since most of them use clickbait, and people are upset with their content. I’m more of an anime fan of Yu-Gi-Oh! than a competitive player, which is what I’ve been trying to say for years. Back in 2015, nobody had the guts to call out this crap, and I was 18 and pissed off. Now, at 28, I’m gonna be more mature and deal with these jackasses.

Like, 4Kids wasn’t the reason Yu-Gi-Oh! failed in America; it was the bloody fandom. 4Kids was just a localization company.

Also, I’m working on an overview of Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V’s Synchro Dimension, which will be out by April 2025, before WrestleMania 41. I’m also getting my first ever booster pack since my last one in 2022.

And one more thing: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D’s is not your chewing gum or your self-hate. It’s a show with morals, and you can’t accept it because you don’t have self-esteem like I do.

After I finish the Synchro Dimension overview, I’ll work on a 5D’s review explaining why people got its production problems wrong and why some can’t stand 5D’s guts. This will be a comprehensive package, and it’ll take about a full year to produce. It’ll be a post rather than a video because I don’t like YouTube videos, most of which are just clickbait. I’ll also work on more reviews, not just Yu-Gi-Oh!, over the years to help me grow as a person. The 2020s have been rough, but better than the 2010s.

Anyway, Happy New Year and good riddance to 2024. #GoodRiddance2024

[im-always-the-problem-its-me]

good god, i make a lot of promises i just can't keep

i forgot about tumblr again and every time i feel myself falling into depression (probably depression...i don't know...i've only ever been diagnosed with "situational depression" following grief or some kind of trauma or whatever...i struggled with the 'i don't know why i feel this way for no reason' stuff since i was a teen, but honestly i had a reason then, i have reasons now...they're often the same...so i dunno...i just don't feel right at all lately) i remember that it exists and that it's a space to just spew whatever anonymously and i need that sometimes.

my journal is so shit lately. just a record keeping thing a la Virginia Woolf or something. i've been busy 'living'. doing the music writing thing i talked about during my last update (which was like 9 months ago!) i've been a 'working writer' again i think. i want to step back from the music scene stuff though because it's exhausting and i'm poor and can't always go out to see shows all the time. a lot are free but in bars or restaurants where i'd feel like a total dick if i didn't buy something and since i'm a public transport rider sometimes i have to plan long stays and a girl has got to eat which can get expensive as hell downtown. i'm also getting poems published, winning poetry contests (!) (I don't know how honestly) and working on a poetry book for a contest with a deadline approaching. (i'm not worried, i'm almost done even though i haven't looked at the manuscript in over a week...it will be sent in, and early...honestly, it will be) i'm giving readings, attending events, going to writing groups...you know....WORK

making promises again...there i go. i have to stop doing that. i should start being honest. 'yeah, i'll write you back...when i feel like it..." (it's nothing personal...sometimes i'm just like 'i'm in a mood and don't want to snail mail you a letter of woe and terror'....and yes i have a bunch of penpals all over and i love contributing to the dying art of mailing handwritten letters and receiving them) 'yeah, local musican, i'll come out and tour your home recording studio and do a write-up of it...as soon as i don't find it exhausting to leave my bed....oh and even while i'm in this bed...i'm still nodding off over books, notebooks. the laptop, the stupid fucking cell phone i contemplate throwing into the lake every other day...as soon as i feel like i don't want to crawl out of my skin...whenever that will be...time undetermined." that's honesty. i'm walking around thinking or saying out loud 'i don't know what's wrong with me' because i don't.

my mother is telling me maybe i'm going through 'the change of life'. When have i not been going through some 'change of life'? i dunno. my cycle got weird but i read that was probably because of my having cov*d (AGAIN!) and what can that virus NOT do, seriously? this last round was 'mild' i guess but goddammit i hate that fucking illness. every time i swear it takes years off of my life. it probably does. don't get me started on vacc**es. they obviously don't fucking work to prevent and i have no way of knowing 'would it be worse if i wasn't unvacc**ated?' like so many people feel like they need to ask me. no one can know...we're all the mercy of something we can't control. i know someone who lost someone to c*vid and they were vacc**ated so all that 'be a good person and get the jab' stuff was a fucking lie. try not to get sick. it's not your fault if you do either. don't let anyone make you feel like it's your fault you caught any kind of illness, EVER. all i know is that it SUCKS to have it. it's SCARY still. i hate it.

i hate a lot lately. my outlook is so bleak these days. i get in that whole 'what's the point of doing anything?' mode more often than i'd like. i'm tired of the entire internet either being some bigot cess pool or a bunch of 'do-gooders' trying to guilt everyone into sharing their delusion that they can 'save the world' with them. look, i can't. i can't save this place. i can't save you or anyone. i can barely survive. also, i don't give a fuck about your politics at all and no i'm not participating in any election ever again. you don't have enough time nor do you care to hear why. so don't ask. 'choose the best for right now'. ok, i'm choosing me and my sanity, then.

i'm reading books i've read dozens of times. wurtzel. frame. plath poetry. watching the same movies over and over again or watching every video this one girl on youtube ever made because i like her voice...i don't even care what she's talking about half the time...i can barely focus on it...but her voice soothes me and the things she does talk about that capture my attention, really do capture it. also can't stop listening to fall out boy, ethel cain, and joy division. on repeat. odd mix, but okay.

people have pain i can't do anything about but relate to and i hate that. others are so far away and growing even farther away. i hate that too. my 'childhood issues' keep coming back to the forefront of memory and i hate all that too. i didn't even realize how shitty a lot of it was that wasn't so obvious. like the obvious things were obvious...being physically ab*used, etc...but other things like being forced to sleep in a room with a rat in it, not because there was no other place to sleep (totally a spare bedroom with no one in it available) but because you let the rat in by winning this giant stuffed animal from a carnival that obviously had the rat living in it because there was this rat sized hole in it that no one noticed until it was too late. i'm like 9. unable to sleep because i hear that thing scurrying around for over a week before a trap finally caught it. terrified that it's going to bite me and give me some disease or something. i was even told when i did leave my room 'don't let that thing out of there'. i mean, really? now i'm terrified of every furry cute creature (except chipmunks, i love chipmunks) and don't even get me started on spiders. i hate summer for so many reasons but bugs and spiders is probably worse than the heat.

oh and yeah wtf. why is it still 80 degrees out? maybe i'm just impatient, and not actually depressed. (here i am, in denial again) i see that october is going to bring some actual autumn temps and maybe that will pull me out of the funk. or maybe i'm just fucked? i don't know.

i hate days when i try to write poems and it's all shit, which has been how i've felt about anything poetic i've attempted to write in the last week and a half. i was on such a roll. but hey i've got a shit ton to edit so whatever.

i think i can declare myself 'too old' for the internet anytime now. i want out of the social media shit but it's not practical right now especially since i'm getting all these opportunities. i just want tumblr. or maybe i want tumblr from 15 years ago? everything's changed.

i just need more self discipline. 'why am i scrolling this shit?' 'yes, WHY ARE YOU?' we did this to ourselves.

ok i'm getting blown up with texts from someone i actually want to chat with so there's another conundrum. communication with others is something i'm addicted to. i can only say that i'm glad i'm doing more face-to-face connecting than being glued to the handheld box day after day. but yeah, sometimes you just aren't able to see people all the time. ok, ok...i'm going to respond to these texts now...

baiii

[onepoly]

The 25th Year | Week 1 | The Beginning

Hi, I'm Bradley! I'm a solo developer working on an open world RPG called The 25th Year.

Every week from now until I release the game, I'll be posting an update blog where I share the progress I've made. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this, so I’m sorry if it sucks.

Most of this week was spent moving to Godot from Unity and figuring out how I'd make this game work in this new engine, so unfortunately there's not a lot of visual material for me to show off.

Instead I'm going to talk a bit about some technical stuff. Specifically, I’m going to talk about the three most important things an open world game needs:

World streaming

Terrain

HLOD

First off, streaming. For those unaware, world streaming is a technique used by all open world games (and a few linear ones) to determine what stuff should and shouldn't be loaded.

There are a few different ways to go about this, I've chosen to use the grid-based cell system. (similar to what Bethesda uses)

For this, we simply split the world into a big grid of cells and only load the ones closest to the player.

This system should be fairly easy to implement, however, I haven’t started working on it yet. Why? Well, there’s a problem. You see, I want mod support. And for that, I need to support stuff like adding, editing, and removing stuff from cells.

At first glance, this doesn’t seem too hard. To add new stuff, I could just load any additions the mods make after the ‘base’ cell. For editing… well, I’m not exactly sure how I’d do that, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult. Deleting, though? That’s where I’m a bit stumped.

So far, I’ve come up with three possible solutions:

1. Load the map normally, then delete stuff.

Problem: Loading and spawning an object just to delete it is dumb and inefficient.

2. Copy the base game’s map files, apply the edits, then load the copy.

Problem: This one also feels a bit inefficient, because it’d be using more disk space than necessary.

3. Ignore Godot’s built in scene system, and create my own.

Problem: That’d be a lot of work.

I’m probably going to go with option 2 because I think it’ll require the least amount of time to implement. Though, I won’t be too happy about wasting the extra disk space.

OK, that’s enough about streaming, let’s talk about terrain!

Unlike streaming, I actually have something kinda presentable, so here it is!

Waow.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Bradley, it’s all one color! Where’s the grass? The dirt? The sand?????” Well, I technically already have a system for coloring the terrain… but it looks like shit right now, so you’ll have to wait for next week’s blog to witness the incredible magic of colors.

As you might’ve noticed, I’m going with a heightmap system. Basically, it’s fast and easy to implement, but I can’t easily do things like caves and overhangs. I’m fine with this though, as the alternative would be to implement a voxel terrain system, which would take way longer, and would probably run way worse.

Alright, onto the last system, HLOD!

You’re probably wondering what those funny letters stand for. Guess.

WRONG! It stands for Hierarchical Level of Detail.

Basically, you take all of the models in an area, reduce their quality, and combine them all into one big model. If you’ve ever played an open world game and seen something like a town or ruin in the distance, it was probably an HLOD.

Technically, Godot already includes an HLOD system, but I can’t use it for this game. It seems like you can’t just load the HLOD on its own, so I need to come up with my own system. I’ve got an idea cooking in my head, but I want to try it first before I reveal it.

Alright, that’s the end of the first blog!

I actually wanted to include more detail in this post, but I’ve had to rewrite half of this fucking thing 6 times now thanks to Tumblr’s garbage undo system. This was actually meant to come out yesterday, but I felt was going to punch a hole through my fucking monitor, so I delayed it.

In the future, all new posts will come out Saturday, at whenever-I-feel-like-writing-it PM! Like I said at the start of this blog, this is my first time ever doing anything like this, so I hope you liked it, and I’m sorry if it sucked!

[secondism]

A half dozen Artemas Marchs make the treacherous poolside descent in the dark. It's an uncoordinated procession. A small boy with a dark mop of curls darts between the staggering, stick-thin legs of his teenage counterpart that tries without success to grip for purchase at the nearest stone wall. A young man trails after, wiping his nose. When the teenager inevitably slips, he does so with the full force of his railroad-spike body and collides uncomfortably with a stone-faced child no older than twelve. He, in turn, braces himself against the much larger man behind him. Some follow, others chase.

Such is the act of remembering.

Equally fraught but somehow less difficult to navigate than who joins Artemas in swirling the sink drain is who waits for him at the bottom of the u-bend.

That's the problem, here in the lowest point of gravity: Art's been lazy. He's been neglectful, and worse, tender-hearted. He and Shea shared bite-toothed smiles at the misplacement of sentimentality in the parlor, but only because they know it lives here, greening the pool tile grout beside the algae and colonizing the grooves they've so attentively etched. The piping is fucking plaqued up with it, an artery not completely closed but difficult to squeeze through.

High blood pressure doesn't, technically, run in the March family, but only insofar as its comorbidity to the gaping fucking hole in his immune system shaped like Shea Thomas Walker, which very much does.

All of this to say that Artemas March could have taken a cement scraper to his heart and shaved off the excess any time he wanted to. He does it every fucking day, layer by layer, except for that last and most sensitive. And it's not that he's scared, because the only thing he's ever been scared of is a head that never bobbed back out of dark water, but simply that he's never had a surgeon's hands and the likelihood of sloughing something vital alongside the glut outweighs the risk.

It doesn't explain why he's here, though, kicking off his own shoes and hiking his own trousers to the knees. Why he's crouching, rather than splaying, or why he's not saying a goddamned word until the offered cigarette is between his teeth and the stolen (gently taken) match threatens to burn his fingertips in the too-frigid-for-November-and-only-going-to-get-worse air.

Except the obvious: he's a heart hunting after his own arrhythmia. He wasn't born with the double-beat in his chest, but he likes it there. It's not dangerous, it's not going to kill him, but its wrongness is something he can wrap himself around and squeeze down on. And he never lets it say long enough to hurt.

When Art finally looks at Shea it's with his chin hooked over his shoulder, cheek bunched up against the over-sharp bone and eyes cast upward beneath flat brows. Looking up at Shea, technically speaking. A rare treat, if you ignore how Art contorts himself to do it.

"Fuck off, maybe?" He scoffs around the filter, still not quite committing to a real inhale so the exhale dribbles out sadly between them. There's something wrong with Shea's face. Artemas can name it, and easily, but he won't. "How about what does Mr. Market Oracle say about this morning's pound sterling dip? Any sexy little graffs I can jerk off to when I'm tired of rubbing one out to SOP updates? Starting to chafe a little, if I'm being honest. Might have to sniff around FX for some relief soon."

in which we rendez-vous at the pool 11 - 4 - 2016, friday evening

so   here   we   fucking   are.   back   at   the   scene   of   many   crimes,   the   highland   fucking   estate.   don’t   listen   to   what   they   tell   you,   the   difference   in   the   volume   of   stars   between   this   particular   corner   of   bumblefuck   and   the   city   is   negligible.   not   worth   it.   rarely,   has   it   ever   been   worth   it.   shea,  at   present,   is   being   held   up   at   gunpoint   by   a   parade   of   memories   he’s   reluctant   to   indulge.   the   one   leading   the   pack   is,   somehow   unsurprisingly,  his   grandfather.   he’s   got   a   .28   leveled  at   him:   his   outstretched   palm,   two   cigars   lying   flat   across   it.   one   for   shea,   one   for   art.   shea’s   sixteenth   summer.  the  sunlight  flies  outward   from   behind   pop’s   head,   forms   the   vision   of   a   halo   on   fire.   he’s   smiling   through   the   tailend  of   a   joke.   shea   can’t   remember.   “alright   boys,”   two   hands   dive   towards   his   open   palm,   plucking   the  cigars   with   the   fervency   of   seagulls  on   a   starved   beach.  “now   scram.   before   i   change   my   mind.  i’m…   gonna   go   see   if   missus   knightly   is   amicable   to   the   prospect   of   hustling   some    fools   at   cards.   this   crowd,   i   tell  ya…   ripe   with   opportunity.”

back   in   november,   obstensibly   the   present,   several   lifetimes   away,   shea   presses   his   eyes   shut,   opens   them   again,   presses   them   shut   again,   opens   them   again,   and   eventually   clenches   down   on  an   exasperated  fuck.   the   tie   he   took   off   hours   ago   is   choking   him   around   the   neck.   he   can   feel   the   tension   in   his   body  coiling   tighter   and   tighter.   shoulders   knotted.   chest   heavy.   a   dull   buzzing   behind   his   eyes.   there   is   this   bottom   of   the   seventh   adrenaline,  anticipation,   a   sort   of   running   out   of   room   feeling.   it’s   that   in   exactly  two  and  a   half   innings:   something   ends.   something   is   going   to   end.   that’s   the   feeling  sitting   behind   his   ribs.   but   god, �� how   long   is  an  inning.   he   wipes   a   hand   over   his   face.   get   it   the   fuck   together,   shea   thomas.   and   he   does.   by   the   time   he   hones   in   on   a   familiar   pattern   of   footfall   (somehow   unsurprisingly)   coming   up   behind   him,   he’s   at   least   gotten   the   better   part   of   himself   together.   took   one   and   a   half   cigarettes.   one   inning   is   approximately   anywhere   from   five   to   five   hundred   cigarettes,   if   that   helps. “mr.   march,”   shea   greets   artemas   without   turning   around,   in   the   cadence   of   a   boarding   school   proctor   and   in   a   tone   that   balances   on   the   razorsedge   of   familiar   and   distant.   shea   is   in   the   rather   adolescent   process   of   ripping   matches   out   of   a   book,   lighting   them,  and   flicking   them   into   the   pool,   one   by   one.   he’s   sat   on   the   edge,   suit   legs   jacked   up   haphazardly,   calfdeep   in   the   water.   everything   echoes.   “you   are   late.”   he’s   talking   around   the   menthol   in   his   mouth,   or   he’d   suck   his   teeth   here:  “that’s   a  demerit.”   he   looks   over   at   art,   then,   and   tries   to   keep   an   even   keel.   equal   measure   is   applied   to   reading   art’s   expression   and   schooling   his   own.   the   buzzing   in   his   ears   has   stopped,   but   the   thing   in   his   heart   is   lifting   dangerously   close   to   his   throat.   “how   goes   the   night?”   there’s   a   note   of   something   acid   in   there,   for   a   close   ear   to   notice.  nothing   outright,   nothing   on   the   face   of   it,   but   under   everything:   anger.   just   not   the   kind   shea   wants   to   share.   he   tosses   aside   the   matches,    slides   the   pack   in   art’s   direction,   braces   all   the   way   back   on   his   elbows,   and   fixes   himself   on   the   reflections   of   light   on   the   surface   of   the   water.   here   we   fucking   are.

@secondism

[changbinslovelylegs]

It gets worse before it gets better - Felix part 1

Pairing: no specific pairing right now

WC: will always be between 2k-4k words

Warnings: Language, throwing up, talk of past trauma, gyno visit, needles

Not sure if I was gonna post this yet but I decided to fuck it, updates plan to be once a week but if I miss a week don't kill me writing is hard and sometimes I can't be bothered. Anyways enjoy chapter 1 cya next week!

Preview, description, characters here

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Morning Felix, how are you feeling?" Leedo, Felix's doctor asked as they sat down for his monthly check up. They see each other so often that Leedo was ok with Felix calling him by his first name, plus it makes him feel young for someone who is 32.

"Morning Leedo, Yes I feel fine thank you for asking" Felix replied, slightly fidgeting in his seat, even though this was a monthly occurrence it didn't stop him from feeling slightly scared each time.

"Did you forego your scent blockers like I asked you?" Leedo got out his clipboard so they could begin, they always started with questions first and then a quick procedure after.

"Of course, people kept blocking their noses as I walked past them" One of the many things Leedo needed to check on was Felix's scent as it was a lot stronger than average omegas, he is always asked to not wear his scent blockers a day before his appointment. That way Leedo can analyse the smell throughout the visit and check for anything wrong.

"Did anything weird happen?"

"Nope, it's just really strong, I wear the scent blockers because I once made someone pass out" this comment caused Leedo to laugh a little, writing down his notes like always. Felix could never understand why his scent was so much stronger, but after that day he refuses to leave the apparent without scent blockers unless his doctor asks him.

"What was your slick like this month?" now it was time for the nitty gritty.

The more important issue Leedo always asked about was Felix's slick, because he had a rare condition that caused him to overproduce slick, or produce slick at random times, or even produce slick inside where it has nowhere to go so every month Felix had a needle stuck into him to get rid of the slick or else his insides may explode.

"Annoying as always. I always leak if I sneeze or fart. and when I touch myself I always have to lay a towel down because I turn into a faucet at that point" Felix rants, and he (on the side) watches as Leedo writes everything down with caution. "Also, I fear that I'm a little more swollen than last month, it's been hurting the last few days" Felix admits, I mean he is talking to his doctor so there was no use trying to hide it, he's been seeing Leedo for over 5 years now!

"Oh dear, I better take a look then, please take your pants off then I'll help lift your legs into the stirrups" now it was time for the procedure, Felix never liked needles but he was used to it at this point. It was either needles or a possible surgery!

Once Felix was in position, he closed his eyes and proceeded to take deep breaths, trying his best to stay calm and pretend he was elsewhere.

It worked for long enough until Leedo explained that he was going to begin, a whimper left Felix's lips and a few tears were shed as it always did when the needle pierced his insides, thankfully the stirrups stopping him from moving around too much.

"Shh I know, you're doing so well, not long left" Leedo tried his best to sympathise and comfort even though he was the one causing the pain. The vile was halfway full and once it was almost full no more was coming out which meant Leedo had gotten all of it out, he sighed with relief and removed the needle making sure to dispose of it correctly.

"All done and all gone, you can relax now, and also get dressed" Leedo handed Felix some tissues and then undid the straps that kept his legs in place. "I'll see you next month, enjoy your weekend" Leedo was waving Felix outside of the door.

"How did it go? all good?" Wooyoung, Felix's roommate and best friend who always drove him home afterwords (since it was advised that Felix shouldn't drive himself home) asked. Felix could only muster up a nod though as he was feeling quite tired and wanted to sleep during the car ride home.

"FELIX WILL YOU HURRY YOUR ASS UP" Wooyoung called from outside the door, he was waiting for Felix to finish his business but it seemed as if he was taking forever.

"Fucking hell Woo I'm coming, calm your tits" Felix flushed, and washed his hands before exiting, "and you were listening to me poo because?"

"EW! I was not listening! I just don't wanna be late for this party. Seonghwa always calls us out for being late" Wooyoung was fixing his hair in the mirror they had next to the front door, just making sure it looked good.

"Babe you look fine lets go, you're the one who doesn't wanna be late!" Felix ushered the both of them out of the door before they started to head to the party.

It was a frat party hosted by the most elite and most difficult to get into frat. Felix heard that you had to have a rich background, drive a fancy car, and have no problems with anything that happens at the frat before they even consider accepting you.

Joining a frat was never something Felix wanted to do though, besides the obvious not wanting to go through hell week; he didn't wanna host parties every week or be forced to drink every day or only be allowed to date girls who were from sororities and boys who were from frats which was for some reason a rule at Yeontan.

Now don't get Felix wrong, he loves a good cocktail or having a shot but every day? That thought had Felix hurling in his mind. Felix had nothing against frat guys, he's even friends with some, he's just happy he isn't one of them.

"Hwa-hyung, I told you we wouldn't be late" Wooyoung exclaimed, giving Seonghwa a very tight hug which pulled Felix from his thoughts.

"Yeah, you're on time for once! Jimin texted me and said the others are already inside" Seonghwa showed his phone, but it was only close enough for Wooyoung to see.

"Oh thank god, cause I could use a fucking drink."

"Me too my friend, me too."

Once they got inside, it was nothing short of a true frat party! loud music booming from every corner, a bowl of condoms, a bowl of most likely spiked fruit punch, random bowls of chips, a plate of special brownies and of course the fully stocked bar.

There was a cup system in place so that everyone knew your status, this was implemented into most parties so that there were no incidents; red meant single, gold meant it's complicated, silver meant either taken or not interested, and black meant you were a frat or sorority member.

Felix always chose between red or silver, and it always depended on if he was in the mood to deflect drunk assholes or not. Today he went for silver, not really having the energy to talk to randos and wants to focus on having a good time with his friends. Wooyoung picked up red though, feeling in the mood to be laid.

As the night progressed, drinks were drank, and the music somehow got even louder, Felix spotted someone he had never seen before, he was holding a red cup and practically skulling it. Felix was stood to the side, watching as his friends danced closely and took some videos of them for the future memories.

Said someone walked over to Felix and smiled, holding another red cup with him.

"You look like you could use a drink, here" the strange person handed one of the red cups to Felix, but once he looked inside he sighed.

"I'm allergic to yeast, so I can't have beer" Felix shook his head and tried his best to be polite considering beer was the most easily accessible drink and this man didn't know of his allergies.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know" the man took a few steps back in fear of what Felix may say next.

"Are you new? I've never seen you at these?" Felix walked closer to the strange yet totally hot person and asked. A strong wift of what could only be described as nature hit his nose and it made him gulp, he smelt good, like really good.

"Ah no, I actually go to Jongsung. My name is Chan and that's my friend Yeosang eating chips" Chan pointed to a another strange person who was grabbing himself a handful of chips.

Jongsung? oh hell no!

"What are you doing here at a Yeontan party? you have to show your Yeontan ID to get in" Felix said rather rudely after finding out they weren't from Yeontan.

Chan looked a little taken aback, but he totally understood why. Yeontan and Jongsung students haven't really been on the best of terms ever since the incident.

The people involved were defiantly punished for it, but it left Jongsung with a bad rep and quite a few people transferred over to Yeontan because they felt unsafe.

"I'm sorta friends with one of the frat guys, Jisung, and he let me and my friend Yeosang in"

"Your friends with Han Jisung? he never told me that the little shit!"

"I'm guessing your friends with him then"

"yeah, he's in my friend group,..." Felix turned his head at the sound of a loud scream, face palming when it was just drunk Wooyoung almost falling over. "For fucks sake Woo, please excuse me" Felix walked away from a smirking Chan, kinda glad he no longer had to talk to someone from Jongsung. Like he was hot, but was he hot enough to not be from Yeontan?

"Taehyung! why did you give him another vodka cranberry, you know how he gets when he has vodka" Felix was so annoyed that Jisung let Jongsung students in that he could no longer enjoy himself.

"Don't blame me, it was Hyunjin who gave them to us. I saved him from falling by the way!"

"Well wheres Hyunjin then? cause this party kinda sucks!"

The next day Felix's phone was met with a bunch of un-read messages, considering he turned it off off when he and Wooyoung left the party early.

Wooyoung had gotten a little too drunk, and Felix wanted to leave anyway so he happily took Wooyoung back to their dorm where Woo convinced Felix for some late night cuddles.

Beautiful sluts bunch

Jisung - Where did you and Woo run off to? I didn't see you last night!

Taehyung - Yeah man you totally took off after Woo's almost slip

Jisung - Almost slip?

Taehyung - Woo almost fell over and crushed his leg, but I saved him

Seonghwa - come on guys I'm sure they have a good reason

Jimin - They better cause I lost my dancing partner

Yoongi - It is way too fucking early for my phone to be making this much noise

Hyunjin - I feel you Yoons, my head hurts like a bitch!

Jimin - Too many wet pussy shots am I right 🤣🤣

Jisung - Are they even awake?

Felix - Yes I'm awake you shithead, but Woo's sleeping so shush with all the messages

Seungmin - Where did you go? Sungie and I missed you

Felix - Woo got like falling over drunk so I took him home, plus I wasn't feeling it and kinda wanted to go myself

Seonghwa - That's fine, I hope Youngie is ok?

Felix - I mean I might have to help him throw up but other than that I think he will be fine

Jimin - Aw sending my love

Taehyung - Yeah me too!

Yoongi - I send my love too if it will get you all to stop texting and let me sleep!

Hyunjin - Feed him western breakfast food it's a great hangover cure

Felix - GUYS HE'S NOT DYING CHILL

"Lixie?..." Felix turned his head when he heard a small whimper from next to him.

"Morning gorgeous, how you feeling?" Felix sat up and helped Wooyoung to sit up as well.

"I think I might be sick, oh god" that was Felix's cue to rush both of them into the bathroom, and order McDonalds with one hand and softly rub Wooyoung's back with the other.

Later that day after all his classes had finished for the day was when Felix decided to confront Jisung about Chan.

Felix just never grasped how some people could hang out with them. Ever since the incident last year both Felix and Woo never wanted anything to do with Jongsung again.

Sungie 💚💚

Felix - Since when are you friends with people from Jongsung?

Jisung - Oh so you met Chan last night, I meant to tell you

Felix - Ok and?

Jisung - Felix, not everyone from Jongsung is a bad person. Chan and I went to the same high school he's a cool dude

Felix - Does he know what happened?

Jisung - I'm not sure, it's not really something I wanted to bring up. We just hang out sometimes and I've rapped on a few of his tracks

Felix - Look I'm sorry ok! It's just what happened to Woo, and I live with him so I'm the one calming him down from episodes or comforting his nightmares, it fucked him up Sungie

Jisung - Trust me, I wouldn't wish that even on my enemies, but only 2 people were involved, not the whole fucking student body of Jongsung

Felix - I'll try my best ok

Felix didn't see Chan again until next weekend, at yet another frat party, he assumed Jisung let him in again.

It took all Felix had to not ask why he didn't go to his own university's party, instead he smiled and said hello like a normal person.

"Felix! we need to stop meeting here like this" Chan had that smirk on again, and Felix partnered along with his blush. As much as he didn't like Jongsung he couldn't lie and say Chan was ugly or that Chan didn't wanna make him suck his dick.

"Yeah I know, a little weird right?" Felix tried his best to keep his cool, but he knew that Chan could see his blush. His face was so red anyone could see it from a mile away.

"I got you a drink, don't worry it's just rum n coke, I remembered" Chan winked as he handed over the cup. Felix's insides did a little backflip, he remembered I can't have beer? oh my...

"You scent, it's pretty strong" Chan commented, leaning against the wall for support.

"Uh...yeah, I have a condition..." Felix nervously answered, and kept it vague because he only met Chan last week and didn't wanna tell him his sob story just yet.

"Maybe we should get some ice-cream sometime?" Chan joked, considering Felix's scent was coconut

"Hmm, maybe, but lets dance first" Felix didn't know what came over him, maybe it was the fireball shots Jimin somehow convinced everyone to do. But as he pulled Chan over to the dance floor, all his worries seemed to go away.

Felix even introduced Chan to Wooyoung, who was too busy grinding against Jimin and making out to notice. But Felix just assumed it was Woo being Woo, he always loved to makeout when drunk and Jimin was known as the guy who was down for anything so.

Over the next few days, besides going to class and the endless hours of dance practice, Felix spent his time thinking about Chan. He was so annoyed with himself with how much he was thinking about him but it was hard not to.

It may have been wrong for Felix to completely write off Jongsung when Jisung was right, only 2 students were involved with the incident but it was just so hard to not blame the school. Especially when the incident happened on school grounds.

Which was why it was plaguing his mind even more how Chan was able to get him to bring down his walls, and in a short matter of time no less.

"So, you like him?" Hyunjin queried, while taking a sip of his chocolate frappuccino.

"I didn't say that-" Felix tried to protest.

"The blush on your face says otherwise" Jimin smirked, taking a sip of his matcha frappuccino.

It seemed Felix was the only one who got a hot drink, his hands slightly shaking as he went to grab his piping americano.

"Chill everyone let the poor boy speak!" Seonghwa sighed, sometimes he hated being the mom friend but at other times he knew he had to be otherwise the whole friendship group would be an absolute mess.

"Thanks Hwa-Hyung, I don't know if I like like him, but I don't hate him and it's messing with me. Cause on one hand I'm like he's bad he's from Jongsung and on the other hand I'm like but he wasn't one of them plus he's hot as fuck and I had a wet dream the other night about sucking his dick" Felix ranted, but was thankful he was finally able to get that out.

"Could it be pre heat? I know when mine hits my emotions get all weird" Wooyoung asked.

"No, I'm not due for another two weeks, so it's not that" Felix pondered, his seasonly heat always came towards the end of the season, and it was only the start of August.

"Well what ever you decide just know I'll be here for you, we all will be" Wooyoung put one arm around Felix and pulled him in for a side hug, which was very welcomed in this situation.

"Of course we will, we love you always" Seonghwa added on, giving a sweet smile.

"Are we planning anything tonight? I kinda wanna go out" Wooyoung asked.

"On a Tuesday?" Felix laughed and shook his head.

"Not out out just like a movie or something?"

"I can't, Tuesdays are one of my stream days remember?" Jimin declined, considering the streams were how he made his money.

"Ew you and your streams" Wooyoung shook his head and decided to not ask any further, even though he watched majority of his streams and commented for moral support.

"You wouldn't be "ewing" me if you knew how much money I'm making" Jimin smirked, he knew his friends were ok with him being a camboy, they even watched but they never wanted to participate.

"I just texted Taehyung what you told us and he said that you most probably like him, and that you should most defiantly suck his dick but only if he promises to suck yours after" Hyunjin showed his phone and Felix only whined.

"Hyungggggggggggggggg."

[heartofholland]

tom recs <3

hi guys! here is a fic rec list i made of all the fics i’ve loved. personally, i consider myself an avid fic reader so i have read a shit ton of fics. these are just my highlights. let me know if you want more like this! and if you do end up reading any of these please make sure you REBLOG them to spread the goodness. these writers work their ass off and deserve all the credit in the world. enjoy! <3

SERIES

riding my by @worldoftom this fic is barely started but i love everything this writer puts out. very smutty, very hot. innocence kink check!

breaking curfew by @wazzupmrstark ASSHOLE TOM! my weakness. enemies to lovers but make it FWB. what I wish my summer camp was like instead of my thighs sticking to chairs and lice outbreaks.

eighteen by @angelic-holland corruption/innocence kink! basically all smut but damn do i want bad boy tom.

the situationship by @fairytelling can’t say enough about this fic. the definition of falling in love with your best friend. if my relationship isn’t like this i don’t want it.

happiness is a butterfly by @blissfulparker soft mob!tom and they’re forbidden soulmates! updates are WELL worth the wait!

i only feel you by @stuckonspidey the first time i read my watch thought i was working out for how high my heart rate was. shit keeps you on your toes. there is a sequel fic but just a heads up you will want to unstan tom on multiple occasions.

make me love you by @mrs-hollandstan frat boy player tom turned soft. mans does a whole 180. fuck dom.

perfidy by @peeterparkr couldn’t be more obsessed with this fic. they’re both so fucking stupid but too afraid to get hurt. also the social media posts are so fucking cute and crucial to the story 

eloped by @worldoftom getting married to tom in the most beautiful vacation spot? sign me the fuck up

you. by @txmhoelland i think there’s definely worse men to be set up with as a PR stunt.

erotas by @farfromparker i have definely read this fic for more days than i’ve been on this earth but every time i lose my goddamn mind

dare you to move by @starksparker-archive the best version of FWB tom is when you’re his roommate…

gone by @dahliaspidey this one… hurts. but i just know it will bounce back.

take me out by @angelic-holland warning this one is really dark. like serial killers. but it was so fascinating i am completely obsessed with the psychology of it all. jake is featured and please don’t imagine the mr. music the entire time like i did </3

single all the way by @heyhihellowhatsup0 i read this whenever i need a lil christmas pick me up

sweetener by @keepingupwiththeparkers cute awkward relationship. it is so real i feel like it could actually happen to me.

ex on the beach by @heyhihellowhatsup0 THE ANGST GIVES ME LIFE

SMUT

bartender by @t-o-m-holland tom happens to own your favorite bar. your subtle flirts aren’t working. the banter between reader and the fam makes me wish i didn't have social anxiety.

siren by @rosyparkers don’t get me wrong i will scream ACAB til the day i die but police officer tom could definitely get it.

best of three by @mrs-hollandstan one of the 3000 threesome fics i have saved. imagine not getting one of the hottest men but TWO.

roommates by @hollandbaby what a coincidence we both want to fuck each other! this checks all the kinks my man. i’ve read this probably no less than 100 times.  

that was that by @moorehollandplz dom!tom but something flips and he’s never been more gentle. mans got both sides of the playing field covered.

know your enemy by @angelic-holland short but sweet. hate sex is always hotter behind the scenes.

wasabi by @angelic-holland literally everything about alice is phenomenal but this is on of my faves. when i read this it makes me feel smarter. also body shots.

say good night by @madmadmilk this writers work never fails to blow me away but this time she managed to encapsulate my entire life. (minus the execution with a very hot and experienced best friend).

buwygf-ib by @hholyholland just ignore tomdaya for a sec and take in the hottest dom!tom i’ve ever witnessed.

cocky by @sykoxartist yeah he’s an asshole but he’s your asshole. at least that’s what he thinks.

sovereign by @farfromparker sub!tom is so hot. man will beg for DAYS.

summer vacation by @kidney9-9  when is hate sex ever like…. not hot as fuck?

ride by @tomhollandsstan face riding. period.

coincidence by @starshinebucky actor!reader and tom fuck… at least they’ll have good chemistry next time.

skin by @hollandbaby dom!tom is not ok with being a sub. unless it’s for you.

you can bet on it by @kiwi-bitchez all of this writers smut makes my pussy throb. this is my fave. just wait for the twist.

a rose blooms by @cornacopicimagines prince!tom drives me wild. but wait til he finds out you’re not a virgin.

begging by @raewritesfiction tom makes you beg for it.

self reflection by @stuckonspidey this is actual proof tom has a praise kink.

minor inconvenience by @angel-spidey toms an idiot but at least he can get you off.

flesh by @starshinebucky cocky tom kills me.

keeping him nice and warm by @marvelouspeterparker mob!tom the gif itself to sends me.

after hours by @cornacopicimagines never had sexual tension with a teacher but this will do.

ANGST

josslyn by @multiharlot messy situation but reader handles it like a champ. if your heart isn’t broken enough, the last line will make sure it’s unfixable for days on end.  

moral of the story by @kelieah listen to the song while you’re at it to make your cry sesh take a turn for the worst. 

cherry by @xoluvx this one hurts real bad. so does the song. 

a complicated love story by @samhollandssweaters an emotional rollercoaster for real.

he dies in the end by @allfandomxreader ignore the title and just cry your eyes out with me.

eighteen by @fancyxholland you’ll be confused why it’s in the angst category but trust me.

all the lies by @peteywillproceed getting cheated on but the girl is toms gf, how do you tell him. 

memories by @nycparkers i sob to this whenever i need a good cry. 

don’t be a fool by @nycparkers breakups that dont end messily make me so fucking jealous.

FLUFF

kiss currency by @madmadmilk borderline smut. confused and oblivious harrison. dialogue inspires me to talk to males.  

plank all over me by @waitimcomingtoo FILRTY TOM! THE BANTER! i really am a whore for well written dialogue. there’s additional parts but i won’t spoil.

 playing cupid by @marvelobsessedteenager you set everyone else up but wait a damn minute how did you forget about tom?

 little flirt by @webslinger-holland oh to flirt with tom while he’s sweaty from intensely dancing for the lip sync battle.

pour it out by @rhapsodyparker i don’t know what it is but famous!reader going on talk shows or having interviews and they ask the reader cheeky questions about tom might be one of my many kinks…

hubby by @t-holland2080 it’s the small things that make me want to bawl my eyes out for being so lonely.

going live by @redrebecca the dialogue makes me cry of happiness! tom doing a live (what a concept).

paddy’s crush by @tom-holland-is-spiderman jealous tom but of his younger brother.

 wannabe by @sailingintothenight the cliffhanger at the end demands a second part.

flawless by @missnxthingg  tom is a simp.

you and me by @sunshinehollandd best friend tom makes me soft.

dick appointments. web shooters. the duality of a man. by @porterporker  it gets a lil steamy but man is “web shooter” a funny name for a dick.

best day by @thollandss dad!tom gives me baby fever even though i am a virg.

 tom asks your dad by @blissfulparker can i just skip through the bad boyfriends and just marry the love of my life already.

baked chicken by @waitimcomingtoo there isn’t a category for awkward but if there was this would be in it.

lover boy by @starshinebucky  tom being so oblivious you like him that you need to call for backup.

afterglow by @wickedholland i wish someone would treat me like this when im drunk instead of leaving me to hold my own hair back.

[blindaysblogforturtles]

It did NOT start small. Maybe for Raph, for Mikey, for Dad, but not for him. It started already all wrong.

First things first, he knew Leo better than anyone else so trust him when he says the Leo he found in that alleyway punching a thug was not the Leo who had thrown himself to death with a monster a year earlier. Not because of how eery he looked, how thin he was, how violent and careless his movements were, but how his thoughts were working. He didn't mind read, no, but he had always been good at deducing what was Leo's thought process, which is why they were a great team. That... was not how Leo's head worked.

Letting go from the thug after getting them only to keep tailling afterwards, changing aim all the time, stopping mid battle as if to check something else only to surprise the enemy by using their attack against them. Leo's thought process was always efficient and clean, but now... it was just needlessly complicated, almost cruel. Like a predator playing with its food.

And a dumb predator at that because he collapsed onto the ground not long after the criminal was allowed to run. The most painful detail was, however, that he didn't seem to recognize Donnie at first. He hissed.

Leonardo fucking hissed at him.

The only reason he didn't attempt to attack was because of his sudden weakness, that much Donnie was sure of. He didn't seem to recognize any of them. Raph smiled when Leo finally relaxed in his hold, but Donnie knew better. He had just gone limp. His body was just reacting out of pure exhaustion.

And then he woke up and things managed to get worse. He was coherent and recognized them, but that was about as much pros they got because Leo wasn't. Being. Leo. He'd tell them where it hurt on the first ask, politely request painkillers, obey the orders of staying in bedrest. Didn't shed a single tear through the whole process, as if he hadn't spent the last year away and - judging by the extent of his injuries and scars - in unimaginable pain. He didn't even joke. And didn't answer to any of their questions apart from the medical related ones.

He missed his twin and was glad Leo was back, but it'd be a lie to say Donnie wasn't pissed.

Pissed at Leo for throwing himself into that portal, for being like this now, at the kraang for what they did to him (whatever it was), and specially at himself. He was powerless. For once in his life he couldn't fix the situation. And it terrified him.

So he did what he did best. Data collection. He gathered every little piece of quirk and habit Leo exhibited in the weeks that followed, monitoring his brother closely, but from afar; only restraining himself from listening in on his "personal convos" and bathroom time. He wasn't that invasive.

So Donnie knew what Raph was talking about when his brother told him what he'd seen and heard. His main concern was the origin of the gathered behaviors, but telling all of it to Raph now would be counter productive. They agreed to update each other if they found anymore sus behavior (and he swiftly failed to mention what he already had).

The two of them working together turned out to be a good thing. Even on his moody days, where Leo would speak little and be snarky about the smallest things, they managed to get him to be less aggressive.

Donnie was close to deciding to shut down the operation and focus on helping Leo heal when Mikey came to him, eyes unfocused and rapid breathing.

"I, I woke up and saw Leo leaving" he said. "So I followed because I thought he was sleepwalking again. But he was speaking! So I sneaked and followed him through the sewers. I lost him for a bit but found his trail again, and-"

"And?" Donnie asked, already accessing every camera he had in the sewers.

"Leo was..." Mikey sobbed against his hands and Raph engulfed him in a hug, whispering assurances even though his chasm was deeper than ever. "His eyes. His eyes were yellow and- and he was doing... something with his hands! Like- like expanding them, and then retracting and then dropping it?! I don't- I'm so sorry I don't know, it was dark, I-"

"It is fine, Angelo." Donnie interjected, sensing his little brother would only ramble if he allowed him to continue without guidance. "Do you remember anything relevant that was clear for you? Anything else he did that you could see, something he said?"

Mikey's breath calmed down and he was silent for a few seconds.

"He... he was talking to himself. I heard it." His voice was a hesitant whisper, he clearly didn’t want to think about whatever he'd heard. "He was asking about changes in his body, and how to use it. And, the thing is, he sounded like Leo. You know, our Leo. From before everything. Then he answered himself and sounded like him in moody days."

"And what did he answer?" Donnie asked, anticipating the answer and dreading what was to come. His leg bounced in anxiety.

"He said it'd come naturally, whatever 'it' was. That he was careful not to change him too much so we wouldn't freak out." Raph gasped. "That he shouldn't use it much yet because it would drain him and it could be dangerous. And that we could end up finding out."

There it was. The evidence.

His brother was still his brother. But now he knew there was something- someone else in there too.

Now he needed to know who and how to get it out. And he needed it fast.

@blindaysblogforturtles

What if Leo's brothers, one by one, found out what was happening to Leo instead of all at once, but they didn't completely believe eachother until they all saw it for themselves? Like, say Donnie was first thanks to his twin senses tingling (I haven't really come up w/ exactly how tho upsettingly-) but made a desperate attempt to brush it off as coping w/ PTSD, Raph was the second to find out by witnessing Leo talking to "himself" like in your mini-story (which I still think is awesome btw), and finally Mikey. Maybe he found Leo walking around the lair at night and thought he might've been sleepwalking but realized he was very carefully and quietly trying to mess w/ his new powers (starting off small so he could build his way up to actually full-blown using them) and talking to Prime, asking him things like "how do I control this?," "how does it work?," "can I do this whenever or what?"

But I'm just throwing ideas out there cuz I need to get the gears in my head turning again-

[ssahoodrathotchner]

Pictures of You

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

Summary: you lose your memories of the last few years, including the ones of your relationship with Aaron. The rest of the team thinks it’s hilarious.

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: memory loss, swearing, some angst, hospital, talk of injuries, team shenanigans and fluff

A/N: okay this was a lot of fun to write bc soft!Hotch rights !! also really wanted to make the team play a larger role in a fic so here we go :)

Masterlist

---

You wake in a hospital bed, Morgan by your side, and a godawful pounding in your cloudy head. With a groan, you try to raise one of your hands to cover your eyes as Morgan’s head shoots up to stare at you with a relieved smile.

“Hey,” he says, catching your hand before you can lift it higher, “Don’t do that. You had a nasty fall, Princess.”

Satisfied that you won’t make any more moves towards your head, he sits back down at your side.

“Should I even ask how you’re doing or…” he trails off when you glare at him. “I’ll go let the team know you’re okay. Boss Man will be happy to hear you finally woke up,” and with that, Morgan is up and out of the room before you can even open your mouth because what.

Shifting around in the bed, you try to gauge just how injured you are, but the soreness in literally your entire body coupled with the haziness in your mind from the constant pain makes you conclude that you’ll leave it to the doctors to tell you what’s wrong. Sighing, you gently tilt your head to the side and observe the various beeping monitors.

The door opens and as you turn to see who it is, your mouth opens in disbelief. There’s no way. There’s absolutely no fucking way. This is fake. This is a dream. Your stomach simultaneously drops and fills with dread. How is this possible?

“You’re dead. You’re dead. We buried you,” you say in a rush, as none other than Emily fucking Prentiss stops by the side of your bed, looking at you confusedly. “Does this mean I’m dead? Are you a ghost?” you wonder out loud, and Emily looks behind her as the rest of the team, except Hotch, file in behind her, seemingly fine with her sudden appearance.

“How are you here, why are you here, what happened? You died. You’re supposed to be dead which means I’m probably dead,” you continue to ramble, frantically looking from at each member of your team and then back to Emily.

“What? Y/N, you aren’t dead. Just like I’m not dead,” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“But you are,” you say shakily, chest tightening as your breaths become shorter and shorter.

“Y/N…” she says slowly, softly, “I faked my death four years ago.”

And with that, your ears rush and your mind goes blank. No no no no no no we buried her six months ago, she’s dead. You don’t notice the rest of the team trading glances around you as the world you thought you knew shatters and reforms in your mind.

“No,” you croak, throat suddenly constricting, but Emily only looks at you worriedly, Reid slipping out the door behind her.

“Y/N, can you take some deep breaths for me?” and your head turns to find JJ at your other side, hand on your shoulder. “Let’s breathe, you can do this,” she says, taking exaggerated breaths to demonstrate, smiling gently as you cooperate.

Reid enters, now, followed by a doctor who, immediately upon reaching your side, proceeds to shine a light in your eyes and asks you to complete all sorts of short tests while the team looks on.

“Now, Agent Y/L/N, Dr. Reid informed me that you seem to be having some memory issues, which is normal,” the doctor assures you, “especially with the head trauma you endured. So, tell me what you can remember and we’ll go from there,” he says with a helpful smile.

Fuck. What do you remember?

“Well…” you trail off, trying to pin-point an exact moment. “I remember Emily—Agent Prentiss’—funeral because it was six months ago, but apparently—” your eyes slide over the rest of the team, “—apparently, it was more like four years ago,” you finish slowly.

“And that’s as recent as you can remember?” the doctor pushes. You nod your head. “Well, Agent Y/L/N, it seems that you have post-traumatic retrograde amnesia, which isn’t a surprise, as I said before. My guess is that it’s temporary, and that you’ll recover your memories in time.”

“Any ideas how long?” Emily speaks up, carefully looking at your face.

“With cases such as these, there isn’t a definite timeline or standard procedure for memory recovery,” the doctor explains. “It may help to look at photos or videos and tell stories to try and help Agent Y/L/N heal quicker, but the brain is tricky,” and with that wonderful statement, the doctor turns and exits, leaving you and your team staring at each other, processing the fact that you don’t know when you’ll get your memories of the last four freakin’ years back.

“So, from the research I’ve done, it seems that—” Reid is cut off by the door flying open and Aaron Hotchner, your Unit Chief, bursting into the room with a concerned look on his face wearing a hoodie and jeans.

Morgan tries to grab his shoulder, but Hotch shakes him off as he walks right up to your bedside and grabs your hand. Holy shit. Heat rises to your cheeks instantly and you think your heart might have actually skipped a beat but, you can’t help it, you’ve had a crush on Hotch for ages and he’s holding your hand. But you don’t remember a time when Hotch was so forward in showing concern for one of his agents.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, Sweetheart—” you’re pretty sure you’re dreaming because Hotch has never called you Sweetheart. Ever. You’ve also never seen him in anything other than a suit. “—Jessica called because Jack has the flu and then he wanted to talk to me and—”

“Hotch!” Morgan all but yells, interrupting Hotch’s update on Jack, as you stare pointedly at his hand, still holding yours, trying to control the redness growing steadily stronger in your cheeks. What the hell.

“Hotch,” Morgan states, softer this time, “The last thing Y/L/N remembers clearly is Prentiss’ funeral.”

You look up with a weak approximation of a smile, and watch Hotch’s face shift as he comprehends what Morgan said.

“That was years ago,” he says slowly, face hardening into a look you’ve seen too many times when he tries to separate himself from the information he’s received.

Looking down at you, you can’t tell what he’s thinking, so you divert your eyes to his hand in yours. Once he notices this, he gently lets go and you know it’s silly, but you almost reach out for it again. Who knows the next time Hotch will want to hold your hand?

“So you don’t…” he doesn’t finish his question, which leaves you even more confused. Don’t what…?

“Umm. If it’s happened in the last four-ish years, then umm… Then I probably don’t remember it,” you say quietly, apologetically. “Sir,” you add on quickly, not wanting to forgo formalities even if your memory isn’t what it’s supposed to be.

However, instead of nodding, like you thought he would, Aaron Hotchner looks sad which confuses you even more.

“Aaron,” Rossi begins slowly, “the doctor said that talking about what’s happened since then may help Y/N’s memory come back.” Hotch looks up, almost relieved. “So why don’t you tell her something that’s happened since Prentiss’ funeral.”

And with that, Hotch takes a breath before reaching across your body to your other hand and holding it up. Not quite sure what’s happening, you allow him to hold your left hand up in your line of vision and that’s when you notice a fucking wedding ring. On your hand. Which Hotch is holding.

“I’m married?” you screech, looking at the team, who are now all trying not to laugh for some reason. “Who am I married to? Holy shit, what?” you continue looking around. Morgan and Prentiss look like they’ll break into outright laughter any minute. What’s going on?

Looking helplessly to Hotch, who is suspiciously quiet, you don’t have to repeat your question before he is carefully letting go of your left hand to hold his own up next to it and since when did Hotch wear a wedding band? Until you notice the striking similarities between the ring on your hand, and the one on your boss. What the actual fuck.

“We’re married?” you say, whipping your head to the side—ouch—to stare at Hotch, who is looking a little more amused than worried. “What? When? I just…” you can’t even finish your train of thought because your head is spinning so fast.

“Is it really that much of a surprise, Princess?” Derek chimes in. “I mean, you guys have been in love with each other forever,” and with that, he and Prentiss dissolve into a fit of laughter, which they try to smother, but you’re too busy taking in this very new and very interesting life development.

At some point in the last couple years, you married Hotch. Which means he knows you like him. And he likes you. You dated Hotch and now you’re fucking married. And you can’t remember any of it.

“…I don’t remember it…” you say sadly, softly and the laughter ceases.

Running a hand through his hair, Hotch takes a step back and shrugs, a small, reassuring smile on his face.

“We’ll figure it out, Sweetheart—” your stomach erupts into butterflies, “—we always do.”

With a sigh, you sink back into the pillows on your bed and stare at the ceiling, head throbbing worse than before thanks to all the new information.

“I just…” you pause to think about your current dilemma. “I just don’t know where to start with all this…Getting my memory back,” you look to Hotch and then the team, unsure of what to do.

“Well, the doctor did say that photos and videos might help. I’d be willing to recount every conversation we’ve had since Emily’s funeral, if you want, including the ones that you weren’t a part of, but were about you or a case,” Reid offers with a grin, and your heart melts.

Slowly shaking your head, you answer, “Thanks but maybe later, Spence. I’m still stuck on the whole I’m-married-to-my-boss thing right now.”

“Trust me Princess,” Derek laughs “I’m pretty sure all of us could tell you about how everything went down like a damn movie.”

“Yeah…” JJ continues with a fond shake of her head, “You guys weren’t very subtle about it.”

Sneaking a look out of the corner of your eye, you catch Hotch blushing and staring down at his shoes before he also sneaks a look at you, meeting your eyes.

“See?” Derek’s voice breaks your gaze. “This is exactly what I was talking about. You guys weren’t subtle and still aren’t,” rolling his eyes, he laughs a little and you can’t help but smile.

“At least they’re married this time around,” Rossi supplies. “No more ‘secret’ glances and yearning,” he says with such contempt you can’t help but laugh as Hotch—Aaron? — lets out a small chuckle of his own.

“Now I just need to remember how we got here,” you say, feeling a little more at ease. Slowly, you reach for Hotch’s left hand, studying the ring the matches your own. “Remember us,” you continue, just to him, and the smile that overtakes his face is the best thing you’ve seen since waking up.

“You weren’t wrong, Morgan,” comes Emily’s voice from the end of your bed. “This is just like a movie. Ugh. But don’t worry, Y/N, we’ll help you sort this out.”

“And I know just the woman for the job,” Morgan adds with a mischievous smirk which immediately makes you wonder about whatever it is he has planned.

“Now as much as I’d love to watch the two lovebirds gaze into each other’s eyes, I actually have plans,” Rossi states, looking down at his watch. “So, I’ll be back tomorrow. Have a good night, Y/N,” he says before waving to the rest of the team and leaving.

The rest of the team makes their own excuses to leave, and you can’t help but feel like Morgan and Prentiss have concocted some sort of scheme to “help” you get your memories back.

Running a hand over your face, you sigh. What now? The sound of someone clearing their throat makes you look up and realize that Hotch hadn’t left with the others, but was instead standing near the foot of your bed, looking somewhat anxious.

“I ummm… I was planning on spending the night here to make sure you were okay, but umm…” he trails off, unsure.

“But since I have no memory of us being together you think it’s weird…?” you ask gently.

“Yeah,” he answers in a sigh. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by being here, especially because I know how frustrating and confusing this must be for you…”

“Hotch,” you start, but he can’t hide his wince when you call him that. “Aaron,” you try again. “Yes, this is incredibly confusing and frustrating because Emily should be dead and I didn’t think you had feelings for me at all,” you pause and see him smile, just a bit, “But I’d really like it if you stayed here. With me. Because—” you take a deep breath. “—Because you make me feel safe, Aaron, and I need that right now,” you say gently, not quite sure where the confidence came from, but Aaron’s eyes soften and his smile grows bigger as his shoulders drop in relief. Worth it.

“Then I’ll stay,” he says, and you can’t help the heat that once again rises in your cheeks as he continues to look at you.

You guys are married, dammit. Pull it together.

Averting your gaze, you turn your attention to getting more comfortable in your bed and decide to fuss with the placement of your pillows because damn was your back starting to hurt, but Aaron beats you to it. Within ten seconds of arranging the pillows behind you, he has them perfect.

“How…?” you start to question, but he just raises his eyebrows. “Right. Married,” you say with a shake of your head.

Aaron finally sits in the chair next to your bed and reaches, almost absentmindedly, for your hand before catching himself and stilling. You can see the fight in his mind—he wants to comfort you and himself, but with your memory, he doesn’t quite know where your boundaries are. Taking pity on him, you grab his hand yourself, weaving your fingers together so he knows it was on purpose. Okay so you really just wanted to hold his hand again, but you’re married! You’re allowed. He takes a deep breath and leans back in the chair, turning his head to really look at you.

“How’s your head?” he asks, brow furrowed in what you’ve come to understand is genuine concern.

You pause and consider for a moment.

“Not terrible, but not great,” you say slowly. “It’s like there’s a fog in my mind that I can’t see through. I know I’m missing stuff, but I just don’t know what.”

Aaron gently squeezes your hand, but doesn’t speak yet.

“I want to know what brought Emily back, how we happened, what it was that gave me this fucking injury, I just…” with an exasperated huff, you collect yourself. “I just want to know.”

“Well, Emily should be the one to tell you her part of the story, and as for us,” he gives you a smile “it’s a longer answer, at least for me, so that will have to wait—Sorry, Sweetheart,” he says when you pout. “However, I can tell you about what landed you in the hospital. How does that sound?”

“It’s a start,” you tease, and yes Aaron smiles wider and rolls his eyes.

“We were chasing an unsub, and Garcia had tracked him to a warehouse not too far from Quantico. We went there and—” his voice wavers. You squeeze his hand. “—and the unsub had set explosives around the perimeter of the building. I guess you got too close to him when trying to talk him down and he triggered the whole set.” Aaron sighs, and his eyes are glazed over like he’s reliving this—which he probably is—and there’s nothing you can really do besides let him take his time.

“You weren’t right by any of them, but you were thrown back and had hit the ground before I could even yell at you to stop—not that you would have listened,” he says pointedly with a watery laugh. “You just laid there, Morgan and I carried you over to the medics as soon as the dust settled and they took you away as we cleared the rest of the scene.”

“And the unsub?”

“He didn’t survive the explosion. As soon as we figured that out, we left it to the local PD and crime scene techs.” He looks at you softly. “We came straight here after that.”

“How long was I out before today,” you ask lightly, curiously.

“Three days. Dave had to convince me to go home and shower on the second day.” He looks down before sneaking a sideways glance at you.

“Well I’m glad he did,” you tease, scrunching your nose.

“And I’m glad you’re awake, Sweetheart,” he replies, squeezing your hand.

You laugh and look away before mumbling, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

“Get used to what?” he waits a second. “Sweetheart?” Motherfucker. He knows what he’s doing.

“That! I woke up convinced you didn’t have feelings for me at all,” you say with a glare, “and now I know we’re married and you keep being so nice and understanding and calling me Sweetheart and I just don’t know how to deal with all of this!” you finish in a huff.

“I just feel bad that I can’t remember this, us” you add, gesturing between the two of you. “I’m trying and there’s just—” you make a frustrated noise and flop back to stare at the ceiling. “And my head still kind of hurts,” you add softly, almost pouting.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Aaron whispers. He clears his throat before continuing. “You’ll get your memories back,” he leans forward to stroke some hair off your forehead. “And until then, you know the team and I will do what we can to catch you up and help you remember.”

You push your head further into his hand with a sigh. He runs his hand through your hair a few times before pulling back and you almost whine. You yawn instead. Settling down, you tug the blanket up higher across your chest and turn to face Aaron as he also gets comfortable. He turns on the small television in your room and at some point, you fall asleep holding his hand.

---

You wake to the sound of the door opening, followed by the unmistakable click-clack of heels worn by none other than Penelope Garcia.  

“Rise and shine! Time to regain your memory, lovely Y/N,” she sings, coming to a stop by the side of your bed as you roll over with a yawn.

“Pen—” you groan. “Let me sleep. Please.”

“Oh no, my little profiler. Do you have your memory back?” You shake your head. “Then we need to work on that! And don’t you dare tell me no; my wonderful Derek Morgan and I were up all night making this for you,”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Sadly, not like that. But, we compiled a presentation-slash-video montage for you about what you’ve missed!”

That catches your attention.

“Wha--? How? Penelope where did the footage come from?” you ask, more awake now.

“Well, I may or may not have used security cam footage for a lot of it, but that’s neither here nor there, so, without further ado, I present to you: your life for the past four-ish years!” and with that, she somehow connects her tablet to the TV and you see a picture of the whole team; Penelope then produces a remote from the depths of her purse and then proceeds to the next slide.

Which is a photo of you. And Aaron. Standing by the coffee machine in the office and smiling at each other, clearly unaware that the moment was being documented. The image is embellished with what must be close to fifty moving, sparkly hearts, obviously done by Garcia.

“First thing’s first,” she starts with a flourish. “Your husband!” and as if on cue, Aaron walks into the room, cup of coffee in hand. Much to your surprise, Aaron just rounds your bed to sit in the same chair you assume he fell asleep in, watching the screen.

“What is happening,” you say softly to yourself, looking from Aaron to Garcia and back.

“The doctor said photos and videos might help restore your memory, so who better to put something together than Garcia?” Hotch answers dryly, a small smile flashing across his face. “The rest of the team should be here shortly,” he says directly to Garcia.

“Oh good. I always work better with an audience,” she replies as you continue to process just what the hell is happening since you woke up approximately five minutes ago.

Within a few minutes, your hospital room is overrun with the rest of the team. Sitting, standing, leaning wherever they can find the space to view Penelope’s presentation with you in the middle of it all.

“Don’t you people have jobs?” you grumble.

“C’mon, Princess. Who better to help you remember the last few years than us?” Derek says with a cheeky grin that makes you roll your eyes.

You turn your gaze to Aaron and find that he’s already looking at you in concern.

“If you really don’t want all of us here we can leave,” he says just loud enough for you to hear.

“I just…” you take a moment to try and collect your thoughts. “I guess I just don’t know how to feel about all of this, but you’re all here so— “

“So here we go!” Penelope cheerfully finishes your sentence before turning back to the screen. “As I was saying before, part one of Operation Get Y/N’s Memories Back is all about—drumroll please—our very own Unit Chief, a.k.a. Hotch, a.k.a. loving husband to our very own Agent Y/L/N.”

With a shake of your head, purposefully ignoring the way Derek and Emily are whooping and whistling, you settle in and gesture for Penelope to continue. God, let’s hope this works.

---

It doesn’t work.

Fuck.

Three almost four hours later and nothing has changed for you. However, it’s a lovely opportunity for some team bonding and creating new memories, but you’re still disappointed. It’s not for lack of trying, though. Penelope did a wonderful job of pulling together a presentation-slash-video montage of your life, complete with titles such as ‘Your lovely husband,’ ‘The Miraculous Life, Death, and Subsequent Resurrection of Emily Prentiss,’ and even ‘Badass BAU Babies,’ which was a collection of team photos and news clips of cases you guys had closed in the past few years.

The whole team had gotten a kick out of each section, especially the last one, as Penelope had spared no one in her quest to help your memory; ugly selfies sent in the BAU group chat, embarrassing footage of you tripping up (and down) the stairs to the bullpen—courtesy of the security cameras, Reid doing physics magic and narrowly missing Rossi’s coffee cup, it was all there. But nothing worked, there was no magical ah ha moment where everything came rushing back. If anything, it really was like watching a movie; it didn’t feel like you were the one is all of these clips and photos. Not even Reid’s commentary made you feel any closer than before to recovering your memories.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Penelope had a veritable stockpile of photos of you and Aaron, ranging from the office, to cases, to the occasional night out with the team. Your engagement announcement, wedding photos, freakin’ everything on the two of you and yet, nothing seemed to make a difference to your brain.

The photo on the screen was one of you and Aaron on a case. You were tucked under his arm, snowflakes visible in your hair and his as you look up and laugh at something he said while he just smiles gently down at you. Penelope had put hearts over both your eyes.

“Actual heart eyes! I had to! You guys are so cute!” she basically squealed when the photo came up.

“What did I tell you,” Rossi said teasingly, “Yearning.”

Prentiss and Morgan hadn’t stopped laughing for this entire segment, with JJ and Reid occasionally joining in if there was something exceptionally ridiculous Penelope had included, like fucking heart eyes.

A hand covering your own makes you realize you had spaced out, and you look down to see that it’s Aaron’s hand, wedding band catching the light.

“Anything, Sweetheart?” he asks in a low voice, carefully watching your face.

You shake your head. “It’s like it’s someone else’s life, but I know it’s mine; you’ve told me it’s mine, there’s photographic evidence that it’s mine!” you say in a huff. “It just doesn’t feel like it’s mine,” you whisper, voice breaking at the end. Tears gather in your eyes and you bite your lip to stop it from shaking as you desperately try and control your overwhelming emotions. You can hear the team in the background, strategizing new ways to help you, but Aaron’s face hovers in front of your own, drawing your attention.

“It’s okay,” he says lightly, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“No, it’s not,” you insist as a few tears make their way down your face. “It’s not, Aaron. What if this is it? What if I just don’t get my memories back?”

Letting out a long sigh, Aaron raises your hand to his lips and kisses your palm before folding your hand into his.

“You will. I know you will,” he says with such conviction you might just believe him if it weren’t for the way he rapidly blinks to keep his own tears at bay.

“Yeah, Princess.” Morgan chimes in from somewhere across the room. “We’ll figure this out, you know we will.”

And with that, you see something click into place in Aaron’s eyes and suddenly, he’s looking at you in such a way that your heart picks up—thanks, heart monitor.

“Aaron…?” you ask cautiously.

“Princess,” he says it so simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You only have time to raise an eyebrow at him before—

Oh.

Kissing Aaron Hotchner is something you could definitely get used to. His hand comes up to cradle your face as he gently moves his lips against yours. You sigh and can feel his smile against your mouth before he’s tugging your face closer, tilting your head just so and—

There.

It’s like opening a window to let in a breeze. Soft and sure, filling the space in a way that’s all-encompassing without being suffocating.

Like snowflakes falling and settling on his black jacket, like Aaron down on one knee sliding your engagement ring on your finger while you smile so much it feels like your face will break. It’s leaving cups of coffee on his desk during late nights in the office. It’s playing soccer with Jack as Aaron smiles and cheers both of you on. It’s being in bed late at night, falling asleep in the comfort provided by the man you love. Your wedding vows, promising to love him forever.

And you know.

With a gasp, you pull Aaron closer, kiss him deeper, harder, moving your lips more frantically against his. I remember I remember I remember and you think he gets it because he pulls back and looks at you with so much hope it almost breaks your heart.

“When I said I’d love you forever, Aaron Hotchner, I meant it.”

And his face breaks into the biggest smile you’ve ever seen as he laughs in disbelief before capturing your lips with his again, returning the urgency you had kissed him with just moments ago.

Someone clears their throat and you pull apart, smiles obvious on both your faces as you turn to the team who are looking somewhat confused.

“Would you mind enlightening us as to why you two are suddenly acting like teenagers?” Rossi asks, eyebrows raised.

“Well,” Aaron starts, grinning in your direction, “It would seem that— “

“Nuh uh. No way,” Derek interrupts him. “Are you seriously about to say that you kissed her and she magically remembered?”

You can’t help but laugh at his disbelief because what the hell and nod, unable to speak through the giddiness overtaking your body. You remember.

“Ohmygod! You guys!!” Penelope squeals before launching herself into your arms for a hug which she promptly pulls Aaron into as well; he doesn’t protest.

“What made you do that, Hotch?” Reid asks curiously once Penelope has let you and Aaron go. “Did you know it would work?”

“Princess,” Aaron says with a nod towards Morgan. “In Jack’s storybooks, a kiss always wakes the Princess so she and her prince can live happily ever after.”

Okay that’s adorable and you can’t help but aww with the rest of the team at Aaron’s confession.

“Happily ever after, huh?” you say, tugging on his hand. “Who knew you were such a sap, Hotchner?”

Rolling his eyes, Aaron just smiles. “Wasn’t it obvious from Garcia’s presentation? I’ve been in love with you forever, Sweetheart. And besides, it worked, didn’t it?” he says with a smug smile. 

You pull him down for a short kiss before moving back just enough to murmur “My Prince Charming.”

“I can’t believe you guys,” you turn to see Morgan shaking his head. “A literal fuckin’ fairytale,” and then he’s laughing and the whole team, you and Aaron included, are laughing with him because yeah this is pretty surreal.

“I can’t believe you thought I was a ghost!” Emily says once the laughter has died down, her arms crossed in mock-anger.

“Can you blame me?” you retort. “The last thing I remember was burying you and suddenly you’re here? Nope. No way. Ghost. Only explanation.”

“I have to say, Y/L/N, I’m glad you’re back, if only to stop Aaron’s sad puppy-dog eyes every time you called him ‘Hotch,’” Rossi shakes his head. “I don’t know how much more yearning I could take.”

“Hey! Be nice,” JJ admonishes, swatting Rossi’s shoulder. “I think it’s sweet.”

“Yeah guys,” you echo. “Be nice! Don’t think I forgot you two,” you say, leveling Morgan and Prentiss with glares, “and all your laughter when I couldn’t remember that my husband and I were married!”

“Oh c’mon, Princess,” Morgan groans. “It was pretty funny. You were trying so hard not to look completely in love with your husband.”

“In my defense,” you start, “I didn’t know that you guys already knew how much I love Aaron, so excuse me for trying to hide my love,” you say with a sniff.

“Well, it was pretty obvious. Whenever you looked at him or he grabbed your hand, the heart monitor would register an increase in your heart rate by—” Reid starts to ramble but your laughter cuts him off.

“I get it, I get it,” you continue through your laughter. “I’m very in love with Aaron, even when I think it’s a secret, but as Penelope’s presentation so eloquently demonstrated, I’m not subtle and neither is he.”

Aaron leans over to kiss your cheek as the rest of the team continues into a conversation about Penelope’s presentation and how the hell she collected all those photos and videos in one day.

With the attention no longer on you—for now—you smile at Aaron, who smiles right back. He slumps back in his chair with a sigh, and you can’t help but pull him back closer to you.

“I love you,” you say kissing the back of his hand.

“I love you more, Sweetheart,” he replies softly.

Yeah, this is happily ever after.

[jiminrings]

petition for stem koo to do all the things for oc he originally said no one does (make her lunchboxes, makes her cheerful...) bc i think that’s a beautiful redemption arc

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook's day one of his redemption agenda doesn't go that well in the end

"namjoon!!! my man. got any updates for me?"

seokjin strolls coolly on the way to his office, hair slicked back and his dress shirt definitely missing more than a few buttons

what's head admin gonna do??? dress-code him???

fire him???? PLS HE'D BE BETTER OFF!!!!

jin makes student affairs his bitch,,, not the other way around

"for the last time, i am nOt your secretary!!" namjoon stresses as he ceases his typing just to glare at him

he's the university registrar and everyone needs to go through him and at this point he's like a historical landmark from how he's made impact in less than two years

and he and seokjin graduated from the same batch!!!! they're the uncanny always pair for the subjects they shared together

it was definitely weird but functional lol cause one is uptight yet hardworking and the other's relaxed yet smart

sue them for working in the same place they swore they'd never go back to after graduation </3

"if you say-"

"some kid's been waiting for you even before i opened the office. made him sit inside but i just told him that he'd be expelled if he even tries to touch your coffee machine."

namjoon says even before jin could finish the sentence, clearly holding that in until the last minute

jin's obviously a lil annoyed because he's starting work as early as now but the way that joon laid all that out on him is a highlight for him

"thanks. knew you're a secretary for me first and a registrar second."

"no. i'm a national citizen before-"

alright alright he's not listening anymore

this bETTER be important because jin has to hold out his morning routine for whoever this kid is

"what can i possibly do for you today?" he rubs his eyes in preparation, intentionally dragging his steps because just looking at how near he is to his work computer gives him vertigo

"mr. kim!!!"

no

there is no way

there is no fATHOMABLE way that this has got to be happening to seokjin right now

"..... jungkook. what a pleasure."

he sits on his chair, voice gritted and monotone and he could just feel his eye twitching, his clenched fist under his deck now flipping off the kid in secret

it's a last-minute realization that he grasps that jungkook doesn't know you're his friend and it presents some really unique vantage points

like the time that seokjin recounted about a ridiculous student's filing for theft of his lunchboxes and he turned out to be your crush

or when he used his student affairs capabilities and pulled up resources left and right when jungkook broke your heart then seriously contemplated about messing up his academic record

or that time when he delivered a high and sleepy you to bed and then heard the entire conversation (if you could even call it that) between yoongi and this fucking nerd

"i need your help, mr. kim. you're the closest one to me i could ask!!" jungkook pleads desperately, the big doe eyes not really inducing an effect on him whatsoever lmao

"mhmm. i may not be the person for the job. counseling is right next door."

jin hums without even attempting to get jungkook to elaborate because for all he knows, his services aren't exactly open for people who hurt his friends >:(

(a guy once bumped shoulders with yoongi twice on the same day with aTTITUDE!!! and seokjin just dismissed the dude's concerns when a prof of his, who's a buddy of jin's, suddenly gave him an F)

seokjin IS student affairs

“no, no. you’re the only one who can help me!! you see, i-i just feel this brotherly connection with you and-“

“we talked once.”

god what did you used to see in this kid??

a crybaby aND an easily-attached personality to him? god it’s like jungkook’s just asking jin to pick on him

jungkook doesn’t seem to pick up how jin’s making it obvious he really doesn’t want to be of help if it has something to do with him

he likes interrupting and jin’s just the perfect match to interrupt him even earlier so now they just sound like one of those dubsmash snippets

“MR. KIM!!! how do you make lunchboxes? i don't know how.”

jeez where are his manners :O aren’t nerds like him supposed to worship the ground that admins walk on,,,

but what did pique his attention is the content of what jungkook just said

.... lunchboxes?

jin doesn’t want to give the kid benefit of the doubt because the last time he did that, you got hurt!!!!

if he has to hear hyeji’s name one more time, he’d really waste no time in stripping jungkook’s name from the honor roll

“remember that time i thought someone was stealing my lunchboxes?” he quizzes jin like it’s his job, clueless how he’s poking the bear even more with where he decides to go with this, “yeah. turns out no one was.”

was that not made clear the first time around!!!!!! he knows for a fact that a uni student would trade a classmate for a pack of gum but nO ONE would go for stealing a lunchbox

no one wakes up one day and decides that they’d steal a lunchbox. literally none

“but then this random girl claimed that it was hers a-and well i-...”

kook pauses to gauge jin’s reaction, clearly seeing now the one brow that’s raised at him

oh so if jungkook just asked him how to make a lunchbox, and he called h-word random,,,, then that would mean-

“i may have hurt the original giver of my lunchboxes at the process.”

.... that means he’s asking how to make a lunchbox for you

well that was a pleasant surprise

seokjin snorts briefly at that, dryly chuckling with his eyes widening to stress out his “non-threat” that’s pretty mUCH a threat

“wow. i might just give you a sanction for that.”

does he think jungkook’s a good person? lol he has to think about that for a month

was he wrong for hurting you that way? ultimately yes

but did he think at some point that jungkook’s completely heartless and wouldn’t try to redeem himself to his senior? no, not completely

but is he still on your team, regardless if the kid begs for mercy and you forgive him? yea a hundred percent :D yoongi and seokjin could never be brought out from your circle

"and you're doing this why?"

this is a no-brainer question for jungkook but the question still spooks him, feeling the chills at his neck that responding to seokjin is like a sTEPPING STONE when it comes to you

lmao if only he knew

"i uh, i just really wanna make this right. i messed up completely and it's pretty much unforgivable, but i atleast wanna try and give my best even if she doesn't forgive me, y'know?"

interesting

"mhmm. right, right."

???

he's still mad but he appreciates that jeon's doing the bare minimum of redeeming himself

speaking of, the poor kid looks like he's pissing himself because he may have just embarrassed himself with how long the silence stretches out

maybe,,, just maybe jin's gonna try and be a bridge this time

but like as soon as jungkook lacks for a fourth of a second, seokjin would BURN that bridge faster than a blink

"well first of all, you buy a lunchbox."

RIGHT RIGHT

:O

jungkook grabs a literal pocket notebook and jin pretends he didn't see that because WHO the hell does that!!!!

"of course... okay, proceed!! i'm taking notes," jungkook nods in understanding, jotting down the very important advice of not ordering from online because you can't smell the material through a screen

p.s. smelling containers before you buy them is a VITAL thing to do!! it already tells you about the quality at the first sniff

"are you buying one?"

"buying one for every day of the week. i'm thinking if i should get extras too-

"good idea. i recommend buying eight."

alright seokjin's mentioning some very specific colors and schemes and jungkook's not complaining!!!

MAYBE HE'S ONTO SOMETHING!!!

"what meals should i make? i don't even know what she likes!! and even if i knew what, how would i make it?"

why is his heart racing

yoongi may have taught you how to do your taxes but jin taught you how to cook food that's more than four steps!!!

he taught you how to not flinch at all when you're frying and that's the equivalent of raising you to be the woman that you are now <3

look at him and yoongi being your best friends!! teaching you about taxes and being unnerved at cooking oil and busting out a smoke ring or two <3

in fact, the lunches you've cooked for jungkook are all inspired and derived by seokjin!!!

the fact that jungkook's plan isn't bad and the way everything pieces together with his insight,,,, goosebumps luv

"....hypothetically? what i think she'd like?"

jungkook eagerly nods with stars in his eyes, fingers gripping onto his pen for dear life as he tries to channel all his listening techniques into this lecture

"get a bigger notepad."

:O

wow

"look at you!!" yoongi gushes the moment he sees you, waiting at you from the front door

you're going back to your classes again :D

you don't look as worse as you did four days ago!! you're not as sluggish and as animated too

"please don't," you snort as yoongi doesn't seem to stop looking at you like you've saved the world, giving no fight when he insists on carrying your backpack to your first class of the day

the past four days,, yeah they were undoubtedly rough

you slept as much as you could and for the moments you weren't dejected enough to be awake, you spent it surrounding yourself with seokjin and yoongi as much as possible

that's the beauty of hanging out them!!! you're not required to have a single thought lmao

except for the time when yoongi wondered aloud how eels even live and die (or if they even do???) in the first place and that sent everyone in a spiral and you didn't think of jungkook for a single seconds

you're not intimidated to go back to regular programming or with the fact that it's nOT unlikely you'd see a glimpse of jungkook in the hall and such

but that does mean that even if you're the bigger person, you're still gonna avoid him for as long as you could

speaking of!!!! you're looking for the person now that you're eager to find

"taehyung!!"

there he is :D you'd recognize that fluffy mop of permed hair anywhere

"y/n!!"

tae jumps over chairs in excitement to finally see you again after being so worried for you, engulfing you in a hug immediately

alright you see why yoongi thinks he's a golden retriever

you're clearly not a touchy-feely person but you'd let this one pass,, tae helped you (even indirectly) throughout your downtime anyways

"thank you so much for the cookies. i tried taking smaller bites just because i didn't wanna have them disappear that easy," you confess sheepishly, knowing how you had to pull the i just got my heart broken like two days ago multiple times so the two menaces would stop stealing from your stash

:D

jungkook's excited!!!! seokjin may have given him a tip that "he felt it in his gut" that you were gonna go to class today

he came a little late because he wanted to perfect the very loaded lunchbox that's in his backpack right now

oh weird

you're not in your usual chair

bUT jungkook sees a glimpse of your hair and he's certain that you're there and his heart may be beating out of his ribcage

a baby peach lunchbox with a sticker (of what seokjin said he thought you'd like) on the middle of the lid :D

pork katsudon with furikake rice aND coffee jelly pudding on the side!!! it was definitely pressure-racking to strictly adhere to jin's recipe but god does it look worth it

jungkook's only did miniature taste tests on it and he had to stop himself from devouring the lunch that he's made specifically for you

the lunchbox itself is tied neatly with a silk wrap, adding his touch of sewing your name visibly on it aND there's a scribble taped to the lid too

god jungkook really can't wait to make it up to you

sheesh that was one of THEE longest lectures you've ever felt you had

it was actually the same amount of time it's always been but maybe you've been out of practice from just staying at your dorm for days

tae's great company but he could be a little bit chatty!!! you just nod when you feel his voice go up and he apparently gets excited by that easily

.... he apparently also has a small bladder and he told you that within the whole hour of class

"hold on. i gotta pee before next period. go without me!!!' taehyung hurriedly slings his backpack to his arm, looking ridiculous in a rush

tae's sometimes unintentionally funny because you don't even share next period anyways

you're on your way to the exit when a shiny scarf catches the corner of your eye, having to squint at it because wow does it look pretty

is that-

is that your nAME???

you pick it up before you could even rationalize it, realizing then what it was wrapping when you feel the warmth on your hands

:")

"sorry i forgot my headband!!!"

taehyung stumbles back into the room, catching his breath to run back to his seat and fetch the headband he took from his hair to play with awhile ago

he looks shocked to see what's on your hands, flicking his gaze between you and the item but he doesn't think much of it

wOW that's a really shiny scarf!!!

"tae?"

"hmm yeah? what's up?"

he's about to jog back to the comfort room because he hasn't really relieved himself yet, not bearing to leave his headband in the room when anyone could snatch it up

you raise your lunchbox, a thankful gaze on your eyes that looks so close to crying which is why tae's mORE than lost now

"thanks for the lunch."

..

.....

jungkook could only helplessly watch.