#WHY DO I KEEP MAKING MYSELF CRY
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#dc why are you making me cry#go away dc#go away#don’t mind me#i’m just crying#crying is an understatement#i’m bawling my eyes out#why does this keep happening#why do i do this to myself#dc#batman#bruce wayne#gotham#batman and robin#alfred pennyworth#thomas x martha#thomas wayne#martha wayne#the wayne family#the waynes#little brucie wayne#young bruce wayne#comic#dc comics
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Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere
…
Why did you ..
#sadnees#can you hear me#you broke my heart#this is a cry for help#heart been broke so many times#i still love you#the day i loved you#i loved you#i am in pain#heart break#you broke my fucking heart#heartbreak#heartbroken#please#please please please#please help#denial#hopelessly devoted to you#greif#you’re losing me#losing myself#did you miss me?#i miss him#did you go and make promises you can't keep?#how could i do this to myself#don’t let me down#just why#whyyyy#emotional wounds#spilled emotions
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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g guys …,,.??:!; GU YSGUYS ….
a little rant in the tags bcs im Emotional™️ and so full of love rn
#yeah so i read the messages on my tree …#what the hell man#WHAT THE HELLLDNWNFBSN#/pos btw#WHY ARE YOU GUYS MAKING ME CRY#ITS LIKE BARELY 8 AM#yall are responsible#for the amount of pillow sheets i have to change#DRENCHED IN TEARS I TELL YA#/hj#i love u guys so much …#CHAT I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH#i wouldve screamed it out loud at the top of a building if i could#but alas im just a shy potato#why do u guys think i usually use ily instead of the full sentence ….#SKJWHDJSJS IM SO AWKWARD AND CRINGE PLS IM SO SORRY#(btw im always down to chat abt anything !! no matter how shy i am to start anything lol)#but yea i pray that everyone here#will get everything theyve ever wished for COME TRUE !!!#kithes and smooches and hugs for u all#i recorded your msgs btw#wanna keep them to myself like a dragon hoarding its precious treasures <3#u guys r my treasures fr#would want to frame them and put em in my room too if i could hm#or maybe make a scrapbook#wait thats actually a good idea :o#anyways yea i love u guys sm#and i appreciate every one of u here !! thankyou sm for existing !!! and coming into my life !!! <3#💬 rye rants
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#‘interesting placement for kpop’ and she didnt say anything so i said ‘im not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on it’ and she immediately got angry saying shes ‘heard enough’ and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ‘like#this what the fuck’ and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didn’t wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time she’s actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldn’t choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone else’s passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying ‘pook i love it. i think its cool’ and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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あ
#Robin processes emotions on main#already I am struggling with studying Japanese#not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that#but with this horrible kind of anxiety#I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up.#this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough#it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY.#it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's—#hhhhhhhhhhhh#it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much#and I don't know HOW to learn it#I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going#going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker.......#I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS#No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!!#WAH!!!!#I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards#I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime#it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out#Robin learns Japanese
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secret crush on you was made by people who hate me specifically in order to permanently damage my psyche. this is a targeted attack
#secret crush on you#*mine#i cannot put into words how much i hate this#also i am going to keep watching because this is like the one big thing heng was in and i am doing this for heng#but every scene with heng makes me angry cry so idk#why am i doing this to myself#i mean. i know why. but like. why am i like this
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jhgfcdvgbhnjk but here's a lil thought to chuckle over, but imagine accidentally introducing li to the whole 'daddy kink' shebang when you accidentally call him that. cue him looking increasingly confused because??? did he??? misread the relationship??? ( he is confusion and panicking and questioning is existence, your honor ).
now you have to spend the next few minutes telling him that no, no this was a strictly sexytimes thing, li stop developing a crisis pls.
NO BUT LIKE THIS IS SO FUNNY SCGVASHVCJHANJK-
So like fun fact I don’t really like daddy kink, I don’t. It makes me kinda uncomfy idk why?? But when the fandom started calling Zhongli “geo daddy” from the start I jumped right in since it was funny, like it’s just a joke, right? fast forward 2 years and I can unironically call zl that what is life this man can get me into any kink is2g it has happened multiple times already //head in hands but I still very much treat it as a joke/tease?? It still gives me asdcvghbjk vibes personally?? ( I much MUCH prefer sir/lord/master ehe//SHOT) Zhongli is the exception anyway
Zhongli has you pressed on the couch, lips claiming yours passionately as you groan and try to pull him impossibly closer. Your hands finding purchase on his dark locks, your legs parting to make way for him, before rubbing one of them sensually against his side and around his hip.
His breath hitches as the heavy kiss stops for a moment. It's certainly starting to feel hot and you want all those layers off.
Your hands fumble with the intricate clasps of Zhongli's coat while his hot breath tickles at your neck. He nibbles and sucks there, effectively making harder your goal of getting his coat off, you huff frustrated.
Zhongli chuckles and pulls back a moment to discard the article of clothing himself, draping it over the back of the couch, before leaning back to pepper you with kisses and nibbles. His pelvis rubs against yours with a slow drag and you let out a breathy moan at the feel of his sizeable bulge.
"Ah! P-Please... daddy..."
The word slips out without even noticing, but what you do notice is how Zhongli stills on top of you, petrified for a few seconds.
Oh.
Oh no...
Your eyes widen a little and you blush profusely as you stare at his equally shocked expression. You really haven't talked about this, or even mentioned it before, maybe he finds it odd or uncomfortable?
He pulls back again and you barely contain a frustrated whine. Your legs still parted around his lap, splayed enticingly on the couch when in reality you wish you could just curl up into a ball, embarrassed.
"I'm- I'm sorry it just came out, I-"
"Do you... see me as a father figure, y/n?"
You almost choke.
"W-What?!"
"I'm" He coughs into his fist, a pink dust over his cheeks. "I know I'm... far older than you but..."
Oh this is not happening.
You just lie there, mouth agape, incredulous while looking at him stumble over his words.
"Have I... been misreading our relationship and your affection for me?"
He looks straight up distraught and you're not sure if you want to cry or laugh.
"Stop- No. Li." You scramble to sit up. "Listen, it's... i-it's a kink thing..." You explain, feelings your cheeks heat up.
"... an... incestuous fetish?"
You want to die.
"Zhongli!" You squeak mortified. "NO! Nothing like that, sweet Celestia!" You drag a hand down your face. Great, now both of you are looking really uncomfortable, the mood has been killed, and you actually have to explain a daddy kink to this 6000 years old God.
“I’m just not sure-”
You sputter and frantically move your hands in front of him. "Alright just- stop, stop- stop talking. Before my face gets any redder and this gets any weirder. I-I'm sorry I blurted out that one on you, alright? Now..." You inhale, oh boy here it goes. "It's... kind of a dominance thing. I like t-that you're... older, and stronger." You try to word out carefully. "So you take care of me, of my needs, and you protect me." You mumble. "S-so you're my daddy, I'm your baby. It's exciting."
He... doesn't look very convinced.
You huff.
"Alright, you know how I like it when you call me little one? When you use pet names and tell me I'm good? It's sort of like that... it's dirty talk." You bite your lip, shuffling on the couch a little restless.
Zhongli looks pensive now, a hand to his chin and his brows frowning cutely as he usually does when considering things.
Is he still overthinking things? You sigh and your shoulders and head sag in defeat.
"You know what? Please, just forget about it don't start having an existential cris-"
His hand then tips your chin up and he leans in to whisper at your ear, voice deep and velvet smooth.
"So, you want daddy to take care of you, baby?"
A shiver goes down your spine.
He pulls back and stares at you with a mix of amusement and wonder. Seemingly fascinated and proud of having gotten such a strong reaction as your entire face flushes red and you stare at him speechless.
He chuckles good-naturedly. “Like that?”
Now that's just not fair...
"Y-You can't just...!"
"Oh? Was that not-"
"Do it again."
#PLS I'M CRYING WHAT IS THIS#WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY I DIED#crys answers#gn reader#do you know how hard I contained myself from using 'good girl'/'babygirl'? bc I wanted to keep it neutral#ANYWAY I AM 1000% NOT JUDGING OR MAKING FUN ROCK YOUR KINKS EVERYONE#I just love the idea of clueless zl like this sdfcvghbhjkl#crys writes#aine friend
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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why why why why why why why why why why why why why
#i have ZERO means of paying off this daily growing electric bill. if i dont theyre going to shut it off on the 4th. its still over 100°f.#and after tomorrow im going to be charged DAILY rent for being here past the 1st#and my grandmother who was supposed to bring materials to pack and help me get this shit organized just straight didnt show up#TWO DAYS IN A ROW LOL#''im just tired and stressed :('' YEA BITCH ME TOO I NO MONEY AND NO WHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UR DOG FECES INFESTED MODULAR#I NEED HELP PLEASE LOL#i promised not to hurt myself but you also promised to help and have flaked like 4 times in less than 2 weeks SO#MAYBE KEEP UR END OF THE DEAL HERE BEFORE I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE HA HA#IM HAVING A ENDLESS PANIC ATTACK AND I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS ABANDONING ME 👍👍#MY MOM SAID SHE LOVED ME BUT THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME TO THIS??? I CANT DO ANY OF THIS ALONE MUCH LESS EVERYTHING#I NEED HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP PLEASE#SS ISNT GOING TO JUST GIVE ME HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS BY TOMORROW NO MATTER WHO I TALK TO OR HOW MANY CALLS I MAKE#ALL I CAN DO IS SCREAM IN THE TAGS OF THIS STUPID BLOGGING SITE AND CRY
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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i feel sick
#every time i think im over her#that she cant hurt me anymore#days like tuesday happen and i miss her so fucking much#i just want my mom#not this narcissist that replaced her when i was 11#i know she was like this before just to my dad#but i just want the mom that drove me to school every morning and took me to seaworld and the schools pta game night and did pizza fridays#i want to call her and hug her and have her tell me that its all going to be alright#but it wont#and that mom doesnt exist#maybe she never did#fuck i cant do this anymore#i was doing so fucking well#i was so fucking happy#why did she have to ruin it with her 40 essay-texts and email stalking?#and the boys are home now too#and i have to act like their mother didnt just force her way back into my life to bring up memories that make me want to claw my chest open#i have to act happy as my youngest brother gets his phone blown up with texts i know are from her#when i know that shes targeting him now that i left#like she did to me when my dad left her when i was 11#i cant do this anymore#i just cant#i cant spend my days throwing up in the school bathroom and crying myself to sleep and burying myself in shows to not feel anything real#i keep feeling like the other shoe is going to drop#that shes going to come to my college and tell her lies to everyone and ill lose all my friends and everyone who matters to me#and i cant even block her because she controls my fucking health insurance#the last time i talked to her she threatened to file for conservatorship#i cant do that
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Ah haha FUCK YOU SOCIAL ANXIETY
#was painting Mimi’s wth my friends who the first time#and I was just dipping the brush straight in the bottle and the guy who owns the paints and brushes questioned why I didn’t just pour them#on the paper and that it might gonna wreak the brush#which makes sense why didn’t I think of that???#and now I can’t stop worrying that I’ve ruined one of his brushes#used to much paint for the mini#I can’t go to sleep I can’t stop thinking about it#my friend isn’t mad at me I have to keep reminding myself of that#but why am I so silly?? why do I never think of the obvious??#arugggg I wanna cry
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