#WHEN I GET MY OWN BARBIE. AND CUSTOMIZE HER TO LOOK LIKE ME

[frecklystars]

just finished re-re-re-re-rewatching the barbie movie again for my bday and i am . in shambles. i love ken so much. i love ken so much i love. ken so MUCH... i hugged my gingham barbie and my denim ken dolls the entire time. they enjoyed it

[taylor-titmouse]

are all your 'idealized' robots ridiculously skinny

idk why you're trying to get mad about this or putting 'idealized' in scare quotes when i have a lot of fat characters in my other works that i will happily point you to. if you're the same person that tried to get mad that i don't have fat unicorns a while back, because i recall that ask being in a similar tone, good news: i do now.

but sure let's engage with this question in good faith for some reason. any excuse to talk about my thought process.

yes, the robots are all skinny.

on a meta level, they were conceived as a direct response to chobits, a manga about conventionally attractive robot women and the way people feel about owning them. while i'm not directly engaging with the concept of 'skinny=pretty' i am engaging with the concept of owning and controlling women's appearances, women's attractiveness to men, and women as products.

within the fiction, they are a product to be sold, and they are a product designed to look like a woman. a woman that appeals to the widest customer demographic is going to be skinny and conventionally attractive. because the company wants people to buy them. that is a cynical but realistic reflection of our own world, which this story ostensibly takes place in. look at real-dolls. they are all conventionally attractive, skinny women, because that is what sells.

and to return to the meta, they are also all one model, the mari-ko. they are the same shape because they are mass produced. that is how a product line works. their hair and outfits are different, but they're always going to look more or less the same. barbie is barbie is barbie.

so yes, they are all skinny, because i'm focusing my efforts in this story on the aspect of women as something to own and sell and control. it's not good that the women in this story look like this, and i do critique the ways the robots are designed and treated within the story. in fact the one real human woman in the story is a larger woman of color. whether you'd call her fat or just buff is up to you but she's certainly not skinny.

so there is a point to them being "idealized" as skinny. do you have a point, or do you just want to get mad at me for some reason.

[monbons]

Stitch Sunday

Thanks for the tags @orange-peony, @roomwithanopenfire (your snips were excellent!), and @thewholelemon (I too trap my spouse into helping me resolve conundrums in fic writing).

I was really hoping to have finished my new set of dolls to present today, but given that they are the MOST detailed I have made to date, it is going much slower than normal. So instead, this is more of a progress post.

If you know me at all, you will have guessed that the new ship I've been working on is DeNiall. They own my whole heart, and I love what @mooncello is doing with them in more than a footnote. They are both FULLY realized characters with exceptional backstories, grade A pining, and hilarious personalities to boot. (Don't even get me started on the writing itself. Every single word makes me swoon.)

Such a thoughtful fic deserves a thoughtful set of dolls. Here they are in progress---all cuddled up!

New things I had to learn how to do this round include: tongues and ears that I could pierce (Dev's gauges are in progress so ears aren't sewn on yet ... but look at Niall's adorable little ears), two full heads of hair in difficult textures and more stylized cuts, shoes (!!!), and making my OWN fabric when the store did not carry the pattern I wanted (forthcoming for Niall's shirt. It appears in a future chapter so it is still a secret!). Behold more angles of Niall's hair below. I am SO proud of it because it looks EXACTLY like the inspo pic mooncello sent over when we were planning the dolls.

Both Niall and Dev are also the first set with new and improved joints, AND new and improved (and standardized!) body construction. They are based on the body proportions of the old school Kevin doll (Skipper's boyfriend for anyone who played with Barbies back in the day). Why does this matter? It means I can now use all of my old Kevin clothing as patterns to create clothing for new dolls, speeding up the design process significantly. (Although my daughter dislikes that I've been raiding her dolls and stealing outfits!)

I've really been enjoying pouring my love into these boys alongside the writer. Most of the other dolls I've created I had a plan + canon descriptions, so I only offered up one or two customization options to the writer. With this set, every little detail has come from the fic or has been planned with mooncello. Who could have guessed collaborating to bring their dreams to life would be so rewarding?

Hellos and high-fives from the doll factory: @raenestee, @cutestkilla, @bookish-bogwitch, @hushed-chorus, @emeryhall

@shrekgogurt, @rimeswithpurple, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @talentpiper11

@brilla-brilla-estrellita, @beastmonstertitan, @best--dress, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @larkral

@drowninginships, @valeffelees, @messofthejess, @iamamythologicalcreature, @aristocratic-otter

@blackberrysummerblog, @run-for-chamo-miles, @facewithoutheart, @ic3-que3n, @rbkzz

@supercutedinosaurs, @skeedelvee, @arthurkko, @fiend-for-culture, @whatevertheweather

@martsonmars, @katatsumuli, @comesitintheclover, @fatalfangirl, @stitchyqueer

@onepintobean, @palimpsessed, @moodandmist, @ileadacharmedlife, @theimpossibledemon

[blues824]

May I request The leech twins, Azul, Riddle and Malleus with GN! reader who likes to watch true crime documentaries

Like the reader probably invites them to watch it too

I am a dedicated true crime junkie, you feel me? I was excited when I got this request. Y’all gonna learn about some of my favorite criminal stories (warning) today.

Other Warnings: Cases of SA, poisoning, killing, necrophilia

Riddle Rosehearts

It was one time where he caught you wearing your headphones and watching something on your phone around Heartslabyul. It wasn’t against the rules or anything, he was just curious as to what his beloved rose was watching. He asked you about it, and you said it was an episode about Giulia Tofana.

You told him about how she sold cosmetic products called Aqua Tofana that would contain belladonna, arsenic, and lead; all common cosmetic products at the time. Riddle was absolutely shocked that you would enjoy watching something as gruesome as that.

This caused you to disconnect your headphones so that he could watch alongside you. He learned about how Tofana admitted to the Roman authorities that she killed about 600 men with her poison, and some of her customers were tried as well. He honestly could not continue, as he was going to throw up at any given moment.

Azul Ashengrotto

You came into the Lounge while watching something on your phone, and the cecaelia was curious as to what it was that got your attention. He asked, and you told him that it was a true crime documentary that you had gotten into. Mans was shocked, considering you didn’t seem like the type of person to watch that sort of thing.

The episode you were currently watching was one about Baba Anujka. You went to his office, where you disconnected your headphones and played it for the two of you to watch. He was shocked that she murdered about 150 men, and even more shocked to find out that she gave poison to the wives of said men so that they could be the ones to kill their husbands.

Mans was not able to sleep at night because all he could think about was that one episode of the true crime documentary. How could you just casually watch something like that and not even bat an eye towards it. Now he knows that you probably know how to hide a body… best to stay on your good side.

Jade Leech

You went to his dorm to help him move his mushrooms to the greenhouse when he saw that you had headphones on and you were previously watching something. As you put your phone away, he asked what you were watching before, and you told him that it was a true crime documentary about the Ken and Barbie Killers.

When he asked, you gave the basic rundown. Paul Bernardo was a sadistic man, and Karla Homolka encouraged his behavior which led to him being charged with 13 r@pes and around 2 murders, though it was suspected that he killed more. Jade was surprised that you were into true crime, but to each their own.

He asked if he could watch it with you before you dropped off the mushrooms, so you both finished the episode. He was honestly kind of glad that you were here in this world rather than back in your world because there weren’t too many criminals in any of the different kingdoms. He did find it quite interesting, though. He might have to watch the documentary for himself.

Floyd Leech

You were sitting on the bench at the courtyard, watching the documentary, when your beloved eel came running up to you and picked you up in a tight squeeze. He sat down on the bench and placed you on his lap as he looked at your phone, asking you what you were watching. You told him about the true crime documentary, and about how the current episode you were on was about Ted Bundy.

He didn’t know who he was, so you told him that he was a man who often preyed on young women, often deceiving them by wearing a sling or cast to get their sympathy. He would then hit the women over the head or knock them out some other way and murder them… which was typically when he would have his way with the bodies. Floyd was totally shocked, but definitely intrigued. So, he got himself comfy and asked if he could watch it with you. You handed him and earbud and you both watched it on the bench,

Once the episode had finished, the Leech twin was so angry that the police never really looked into him as a suspect because he didn’t fit the stereotype (me too, buddy). Not just that, but he constantly escaped prison. He squeezed you tightly at the thought of you having to live in a world where you had to worry about people like that guy.

Malleus Draconia

You were waiting for him for your walk that night, and he saw you watching something on your phone. He asked what you were watching and you told him that it was a true crime documentary that you thought was interesting. The current episode you were on was about John Wayne Gacy.

You had to tell him the entire story, though. So, you patted the spot next to you and told the very long tale of the birthday-clown-turned-serial-killer. You explained how he assaulted young boys and killed them, and how in the end he was convicted of 33 murders.

The dragon prince was definitely shocked that you could watch something like that so casually, but to be fair he often had to see criminals like that as the Crowned Prince of Briar Valley. He was actually kind of glad that you could withstand something like this, since you would be seeing it in-person if you became his spouse.

[my-plastic-life]

Behind the Scenes: Rumiko Takahashi

This idea bounced around in my head for a while, and I finally decided to take the plunge!

Not only is Rumiko Takahashi the creator of my favorite manga/anime, Inuyasha, which introduced me to the entire genre and sparked my interest in all things Japan, she's the best selling female comic artist in history. And since I'd made custom dolls of so many of her characters, I thought she was worthy of a doll of her own. Plus, when I heard of her honor of being named a Knight of the Order of Arts and Letters in France - the only female mangaka to receive the honor - it just sparked inspiration.

First up was finding a doll to use as a candidate. I'd considered using the Happy Family Grandma doll because she already has the aged look, and her hair was a pretty similar style already (though it would need to be colored, if not rerooted), but she didn't have the Asian eyes:

I have several Asian dolls, but they all just looked like regular Barbies. Fine, but not quite what I was going for.

Then the live action Little Mermaid movie dropped, and the only good thing to come out of that was this doll - she was my candidate.

I'd been saving those glasses (they came with a fashion pack, I think a Jurassic World one), and upon putting them on the doll's face, I thought they were perfect. Plus this doll looked more like an actual person than a regular Barbie doll. And she already had the black hair! Yes!

Next up was choosing a body. I knew a curvy body would be fitting for Rumiko, and the Inspiring Women dolls have either Made to Move bodies (but that's mostly for the athletes) or bodies with articulation at the neck, shoulder, elbow, wrist, hip, and knee. I opted for the latter. I had some Barbie Extra dolls saved, so I started comparing skin tones. These two were the closest:

I picked one, and once the head was on the body, it looked way off in person... so then I put it on the other body and that looked much better. It looks off on camera, but thanks to Photoshop magic, no one will know that LOL. It's a much better match in person.

Next was the outfit. I knew if I couldn't get an outfit made, this entire ordeal would be for nothing. And you wouldn't believe how difficult it was finding a full body shot of Rumiko! All her interviews and profile stories and what not, they only seem to show her from the waist up. But I did manage to find this one:

That was the ribbon cutting ceremony during the 30th anniversary of Rumic World, back in 2008. Not a recent photo, but something. But I was hoping to get an outfit based on this one because it's what she wore when receiving her most recent honor (the aforementioned knighthood):

I don't know how, but somehow I managed to find that picture, which showed her legs LOL. I don't know what shoes she was wearing with that outfit, so I went with the ones in the previous one. The shoes in question came from a random curvy Fashionista - they were orange and I painted them a more neutral color to match the source photo.

Then I had another conundrum - I couldn't decide which outfit I liked better!!! Fortunately, my seamstress (Molita's World), was kind enough to make both!

The next step was the face. While I didn't use the Happy Family Grandma to create this doll, I did use her as a guide. I needed to make the doll look older, and Grandma has painted age lines on her face. So I kind of went off those - after finding a hopefully good color that looks natural and not like random makeup - to create the face. I also used acetone and a toothpick to remove the heavy pink eyeshadow to give her a more natural look.

Next up was the hair. Since the doll already had the right hair color, all I had to do was cut and style it appropriately. I think I managed to pull it off quite well, if I do say so myself:

(The plastic wrap around the face is meant to keep the hair shape)

The outfits didn't take long to complete and arrive, so I got her dressed and started on the props. All the Inspiring Women dolls come with a prop, and I knew what I wanted this doll to have - her special Colors book that was set to release in December 2023 commemorating her 45 years as a mangaka. But something happened and that particular book was postponed, then renamed Colors 1978-2024 (rather than Colors 1978-2023) and released this past March. So I had to wait for that to release, and then I had to wait to find good pictures of the front, back, and spine so I could put it together, scale it down, print it out, and make a book out of it LOL.

While I was waiting on that, I thought it would be a cool idea to have some of her sketches with her. Plus I had an extra first volume Inuyasha manga from when I made the series for ani-ME, so I threw that in there too. There was another book released for Rumic World's 35th anniversary, so I thought it would be a cool idea to make it like a folder that her real sketches could go inside. So I managed to find some decent photos of the front, back, and spine of that book, then I created a pocket for it, then I found a bunch of Rumiko's sketches from various series, sized them to fit inside the book, then printed them out. So the sketches she comes with are real ones she's drawn, and they fit right inside one of her books!

I wasn't going to make a box for her, since I don't keep my dolls in boxes, but I had a spare one and thought I could use it as a template to create one. So I gathered photos of actual Inspiring Women boxes (I could have used the latest one, Kristi Yamaguchi, because that's probably the newest design and Kristi, like Rumiko, is an Inspiring Woman who's still alive whereas the others have passed, but I like the original style better), created a template, and made my own box. Fun fact - the box was made but not printed. So the doll's pose and everything in the box is all digitally edited LOL.

I created it all from scratch - I looked up fonts, found Barbie logos, made all the name boxes, etc. I'm pretty pleased with how it looks considering it's not a real box lol. I did the same thing for the back, and I even made a design for each side of the box:

And with that, the doll was done! I think the most time-consuming part of this one was the props. I printed a TON of those little sketches because I wasn't sure how many would fit in the book, and then I had to remind myself to use more than just Inuyasha because she did create several other series LOL. But overall, I'm pleased with her and she's now displayed in my cabinet! Thanks for reading!

[amywhereyouwant]

Some TOH HCs I wanted to share

There are a LOT of them, so They're under the read more for your scrolling convenience

Luz

-Uses She/They pronouns

-Would watch the entirety of Sword Art Online just to be able to shit on it properly

-Eats way too much Shredded Cheese even though she’s Lactose Intolerant

-Has made a Your mom joke to Willow only to remember she doesn’t have one

-Mains King in Tekken and made a custom attire trying to make it look like the other King

-Screenpeeks religiously in Split Screen Multiplayer

-Predicted Hecazura 2 books into the series, still won’t shut up about it

-Relatively known Digital Artist, her blog probably took off when she started making art of the Demon Realm 

-Hates baking

-Helps Amity bake out of the kindness of her heart(Also seeing Amity enjoying herself is really nice)

-Had a cold once, hasn’t had a Human Realm illness since

-Has SH scars from her depressed period back in the human realm(S3E1), still ashamed over them

-Quotes Memes constantly, only Hunter understands what she’s talking about

-Cracked a rib tripping on a rug on her way to bed

Amity

-Absolutely hates Bugs, like, genuinely despises them

-Does not know how computers work, but still tries to use Luz’s laptop to look up date ideas

-Can and will dress as the most stereotypical Witch ever

-Adopted(All 3 Blight Kids are in my HC)

-Likes to bake

-Does not know how to bake

-Gets sick constantly

-Works out a lot so she can help out with rebuilding the Isles(and also a little bit for Luz)

-Used to apologise a lot for minor things(Pre-timeskip)

-REALLY Bummed she didn’t get to see Titan Luz

-Watched the barbie movie the same day Gus watched Oppenheimer

Gus

-Goes nonverbal when stressed out, uses Illusions and his palisman to communicate

-Cried for hours when he finished the last Cosmic Frontier book, even though it was a happy ending

-Likes the idea of Professional Wrestling, but wishes the fights were to the death

-Quotes Cosmic Frontier as a Vocal Stim

-Dramatically perishes in Matt’s arms on the regular

-Headcanons O'Bayley to look exactly like Hunter just for the memes

-Thinks Human 2D Animation is the most beautiful thing to have ever been created

-Watched Across the Spider-Verse and Begged for Luz to draw a Spider-Suit for him, she did one for everyone

-Got really jealous when everyone else got flapjack tattoos, then he realised he could just make one of his own with an Illusion

-Got insanely mad when he learned about Human Discrimination(“How can you hate someone for something they can’t change? That’s ridiculous!”)

-Watched Oppenheimer the same day Amity and Hunter watched the Barbie Movie

Hunter

-LOVES Dino Nuggies

-Didn’t know Dinosaurs were real for a while until Luz showed them to him, Velociraptors are his favourite because “They’re like Wolves but Lizards!” (They’re not)

-Has a tumblr account where he posts about Wolves, Luz is his only follower

-Definitely has a Fursona

-Kicks Luz’s ass at most video games, except for Halo 2 specifically(I wonder why)

-”Will you go out with me?” “Hunter we’ve been dating for a year” “Oh.”

-Thinks Huggbees’ How it’s actually made videos are 100% Legit and honest

-Made Willow a Flower Shirt to match his Wolf Shirt

-Wears Willow’s Flower Shirt he made

-Imagine Dragons is his favourite band

-Has Epilepsy

-Steals Willow’s dresses sometimes

-Found Nicole Coenen on YouTube, showed her to luz “She looks kinda like Amity!”(Nobody else sees the resemblance)

-Probably plays a LOT of Roblox

-Watched the Barbie Movie with Amity(Luz forced him to)

-Has seen every single vine there is(Thank the Titan for Vine Compilations on YouTube)

-Any kind of facial hair he grows is really patchy so he just goes clean shaven for convenience

-Snuck food during TtT even though he was 100% allowed to eat normally

-Bananas do exist in the Demon Realm, Hunter has just never learned that they do

-Gets visits from the Spirits of the other Golden Guards in his dreams

Willow

-Tackled someone to the ground when they only slightly bumped into Hunter(We stan a protective queen)

-Feeds her palisman doggie treats, nobody knows why

-Filled Camila’s entire back garden with way too many plants during TtT, they’re still there despite not being watered for a while

-Made a Garland made of both Demon and Human Realm plants for Hunter on their anniversary

-Has no real idol/role model

-Happily Listens to everyone else ramble about their interests

-Wears Hunter’s Wolf Shirt

-Calls Hunter “Hun” as a short for his name, started doing it even more after she figured out what it actually meant

-Pranks people she doesn’t like by putting giant Grape Vines around their house

-Held a presentation about plant care for the Gravesfield Gardener Society

-Thinks most Human Sports are boring(Except for Hockey and Roller Derby)

Vee

-Pulls off some crazy ass cosplays

-Knows how to drive Camila’s car perfectly, still has no idea how it actually works though

-Laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe first time she heard Metal Pipe Fall Sound Effect

-Considers Luz to be her Sister, Camila burst into tears and hugged her when she called Luz “Big Sis” in front of her for the first time

-Plays Minecraft on Camila’s home PC, has spent tons of time on Hypixel and built a little shrine for the other basilisks on a private world

-Takes after Luz in a lot of ways

-Is way better at Spanish than Luz, flexes about it constantly(Nobody really cares)

-Had no idea how to tell Masha she was a Basilisk when they confessed to her(Masha knew long before she told them)

-Is really cuddly in Basilisk form, not so much when shapeshifted(“I don’t really feel like it’s myself”)

-Her first kiss with Masha was really awkward, she apologised like 45 times and cried because it wasn’t good

-Steven Universe is a canon IP in the universe, so she got really confused when Amethyst sounded EXACTLY like her

I have no idea why I made this

[chimini3]

MAKEUP THE BREAK UP

Park Jimin | Chapter 1

SERIES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Park Jimin x OC

Synopsis: What happens when Park Jimin’s biggest what if comes back into his life? His friendly neighbor, childhood best friend, high school lover, and now his makeup artist?! Amidst the 2020 outbreak, the last thing he needed was Seong Areum making his heart skip a beat and fill his stomach with air. What will he do when unspoken words threaten to slip past his tongue? Would he take the chance of ruining a healing past? Or would he let her slip away once more and let himself get lost in the lights?

Warnings: just me not knowing how to write how children act, inaccurate timeline (I’m pretty sure Jimin said the toilet incident happened when he was 5 but in here its when he’s 10), not beta read

Word Count: 7.4k words

The Years I Knew You

[2000]

“Eumi, Aaron! Come here!” My mother called and I cranked my neck from the makeup kit I was applying on my life-size Barbie head.

I walked out of the room I shared with my older brother before looking towards the hallway to the living room, my eyes meeting my older brother’s as he waited for me to catch up with him before we both showed our presence to our mother.

“Yes, Eomma?” I answered as we synchronously peaked our heads out of the doorway to see the guests that sat on the living room couch.

“Aaron, Areum, meet our neighbors the Parks!” My mother smiled widely as we walked towards her to be in a better view for the family.

Two parents who seemed the same age as my parents and two boys who also seemed to be roughly the same age as me though younger than my brother.

“Hello there! These are my two boys, Jimin and JiHyun!” The mother smiled brightly at me and my brother and I sent her a soft smile back before greeting the two boys a smile too.

“The Park’s are going to eat dinner here, so why don’t you four play in your room while we get the food ready.” My mother ushered the four of us to the hallway and my brother led the way to our bedroom as the two boys seemed to have their own conversation from behind me.

“Woah! Dragon Ball comics!”

I turned to the two boys as the younger one of the two had his jaw dropped and both of them looked at my brother’s comic collection wide-eyed.

“Yeah, my dad collected them before and gave them to me!” My brother smiled brightly as the younger boy quickly walked towards my brother and closer to the wooden bookcase with the collection of comics.

I can see the older one glance at me first before also walking towards my brother as they started talking about the comic series.

“You guys like comics?” My seven year old brother asked as he seemed to enjoy the same interest as the boys younger than him.

“Yeah! Appa said he’d let us join Taekwondo when we’re older.” The older one spoke proudly as it was now my brother’s turn to show his adoring wide eyes.

I smiled at the boys standing on one side of the room near the bookshelf as I walked back to my side of the room and sat on the floor to continue my game of Barbie makeup.

I articulately placed the shimmery pinks and purples on the eyelids of my life size barbie head. I treated her as though she was one of my Eomma’s salon customers.

Usually when my brother had school and my Appa had work at the construction site, then I’d accompany my Eomma to the salon she worked at down the street. I’d watch her and her colleagues turn black hair to rainbows like magic, color nails with paint, and the best part was that they would also apply colorful crayons to the eyelids and lips of their client to make them pretty and look like fairies.

I loved the salon, though I rarely go there now as I started going to kindergarten last year.

“Woah, Barb-bee!”

I saw the younger Park before I heard him speak. His hands flew towards the perfectly combed hair of my Barbie head before he flung it around in the air.

I heard myself shriek as I looked in horror at my beautiful Barbie head getting messed up and dented at some areas. I tried to pull the doll away from the younger Park's hands but the struggle only made it worse.

I can hear a yell of ‘stop’ before the younger park finally lets go of my Barbie head doll after flinging it across the room.

I didn’t even make an attempt to walk towards it as I slumped my body further into the carpeted floor. Salty tears slipped past my eyelids as I sat defeated.

“JiHyun! Look what you did! Say sorry to Noona.”

I heard the older Park scold the younger as Aaron picked up the doll and turned his back to obstruct my view of him trying to fix it.

“Say sorry, go on.”

“Sawrey noon-ah.”

His baby teeth showed as he tried to apologize.

I felt one last tear slide down my cheek before wiping it away. The boy only looked a year younger than me so he was probably still learning how to be kind to others in kindergarten, like how I learned it last year. I remember it being very difficult to know when I was in the wrong, especially when I didn’t mean to do things that hurt someone else’s feelings, so I understand that the younger must’ve not meant to do it.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. Just don’t do it again, okay?” I sent a soft smile to the younger Park as his arms went to wrap around my neck. He started leaning his weight on me to stand up from the floor and I almost toppled over from his weight though thankfully the older Park had already helped his younger brother stand up and take most of the weight off me.

“What happened here? We heard screaming.” The Park Ahjumma stood at the door with furrowed brows as the four of us looked towards her.

“Eomma, JiHyun broke Areum ssi’s doll.” The older Park snitched as the woman came inside the room and took the younger Park in her arms.

“I think it's time for JiHyun ssi to eat his dinner.” The woman cooed before walking out the door.

My brother placed a still-dented and broken Barbie head doll on the floor in front of me as he sent me a sad smile.

“Sorry Eumi ah, I tried to fix it. I’ll ask Appa to see how we can fix it, or if he can fix it.” Aaron acted on his idea of fixing the situation quickly as he soon walked out the room in search of our father.

I looked at my wrecked Barbie doll in front of me. Her supposed straight blonde hair was sticking out in different directions, and the small braids that I learned to do on her hair were missing and were replaced with chunks of flesh-colored plastic and holes where the strands should’ve been. Her toy makeup was smudged, and her face had dents where the younger Park’s fingers pressed too hard and when she collided against the brown wood instead of the carpeted floor.

“I’m really sorry about JiHyun. He just turned three so he’s still learning to not touch other people’s stuff.” The older Park that I now know is named Jimin apologized.

“It’s okay, I also just learned about it last year. I understand.” I sent him a smile though a slight frown remained on his lips.

“How old are you?” He asked randomly.

“I’m four! How about you, Jimin?” I smiled as I waved my four fingers at him.

“I’m five. I thought I had to call you noona.” He laughed though I didn’t really understand what he meant by ‘noona’. My name wasn’t noona. I was Areum. Seong Areum.

He must’ve noticed my lack of response as he spoke again with another topic on his tongue.

“I can’t fix your doll, but if you want then you can do your makeup on me.”

He was hesitant at speaking his idea of making the situation better for me though I smiled at his idea and turned to face him as he read my expression and sat down on the carpet beside me.

I turned to the toy vanity table I had and took the glittery pink comb and started to run it through his short black hair. I even had to stand up and squat to properly comb out the top and sides of his head.

Once I thought it was thoroughly combed I started picking out strands from in front of his head and tried to separate them into three parts to twist them together like Eomma taught me to do braids though his hair was too short to twist into the pattern I wanted. His hair was so short in fact that it didn’t even cover his forehead like the bangs I had in front of my forehead. The hair behind his head also wasn’t as long as the hair that reached my shoulders. His hair was weird and not like my Barbie.

“Jimin… I can’t braid your hair.” I frowned as he turned his head to look up at me and his eyes squinted to the point of disappearing because of how big his smile was.

“Of course Areum! I have shorter hair.” He giggled and I couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

[2002]

“Jiminie look! I have a baby sister, like you now!” I smiled brightly as I saw the Park brothers enter my mother’s hospital room.

My father greeted both parents whilst Jimin and JiHyun quickly dodged the adults and walked towards the hospital crib that kept the newest Seong member.

“No, not like me. You have a baby sister now, I have a baby brother.” Jimin corrected me as we both looked at the baby in the crib whilst our parents talked.

“She looks like me in my old pictures!” JiHyun piped up and I was taken by surprise at how much he progressed from the three weeks where I couldn’t see the Park brothers.

“No, she looks like Eumi.” Jimin corrected his brother.

“See how much bigger her eyes are, and she already has a mole on her nose like the mole on Eumi’s nose and Aaron’s chin.” Jimin added and I suddenly felt a sense of unexplainable embarrassment from having moles on my skin. Though Jimin was always an observative one and so he quickly added on what he meant.

“Moles are cute. It makes your face memorable. I like your moles Eumi. I like your face too, it’s very pretty so don’t worry.” Jimin hugged me and I hugged him back.

“Her name is Ahnna. Seong Ahnna. Do you want to hold her?” Aaron came up behind us with little warning as we turned to look at him, though in my peripheral vision, I can see JiHyun losing interest and going over to his parents.

“I am holding her, look.” I smiled as I reached my hand out to hold my baby sister’s hand.

“No, I meant to carry her!” Aaron looked annoyed though took my lack of quick response as a yes and called our father over.

“Appa! Eumi and Jimin want to hold Ahnna!”

The rest of the adults looked towards our direction as our father sent me a soft smile.

“What?! I— Eumi wants to hold Ahnna! I’ll jus—-just watch.” Jimin slowly backed away though one look at the slight frown face and he seemed to have a change of mind.

“Come on Minie! I can’t carry a baby alone!”

Jimin sighed loudly before nodding to me and coming up next to my side on the crib. He’s always like this. For some reason, I always end up getting what I wanted when it involves him.

“You won’t carry her, Eumi. I’ll just lay her on your lap.

My father gestured for both me and Jimin to sit on the sofa beside him. I hesitantly sat down as Jimin sat down beside me, big eyes doubting his participation.

“Jimin, have you carried JiHyun when he was a baby?” My father asked as he stood up and carefully picked up baby Ahnna in his arms.

“Yes, I did when I was two.”

“Well then, this should be easier for you since you’re all grown up now. How old are you now?”

I could see a new confidence arise from Jimin’s face as he turned to me with a small smile.

“I’m seven now. Let’s not worry Eumi. If you can’t carry Ahnna alone then I’ll be here to share the weight with you. We’re strong now because six and seven are bigger than two!” His smile grew to one of his signature smiles. Teethy and made his eyes curve into crescent moons, the one that is so contagious that I can’t help myself but show my toothy smile too.

“Slowly.” My mother warned, though I can see her reach for her phone, though Jimin’s mom already thought ahead and offered to take a picture for her instead.

My father lowered baby Ahnna down to the sofa and onto our laps. I tensed under her weight though my father guided my left hand to support the head. When my father let go it wasn’t as heavy nor scary as I thought. Ahnna was calm as she was wrapped in her pink blanket.

I looked towards Jimin, careful to not move the rest of my body.

“You okay?” Jimin asked as his right hand rested on Ahnna’s foot.

“Yeah.”

My answer was short as I was interrupted by a yawn from the baby. I placed a finger on my lips as I looked at Jimin first before looking at the rest of the people in the room.

“Shhh. Baby Ahnna is sleepy.” I warned them as bright smiles lit up across the adults and Aaron.

I continued to watch Ahnna slowly succumb to sleep as the adults started going back to their conversations though I knew my dad was keeping an eye on me and the baby.

“Jimin.”

“Yes, Areum?” He answered without missing a beat.

“This is so cool! I’m going to be the best older sister I can be!” I smiled as I turned to him.

“You already are!” He smiled back.

The Park’s stayed at the hospital longer than I expected. I was growing more restless and tired these days, so imagine my surprise when I woke up and saw Jimin asleep on the sofa with me. Aaron was nowhere to be seen along with Appa, but JiHyun and Jimin’s parents were still here along with JiHyun who was sitting on his mother’s lap on the other sofa whilst watching the cartoons that played on the TV.

“We can’t support three kids like this.”

I heard my mom sound defeated as I stayed still to not wake up Jimin.

“What are you planning to do?” Jimin’s mother asked.

“Juwon has family in America. We’re thinking that it would be better if he goes out with Aaron since he’s turning ten next year and I’ll be left to focus on taking care of Areum and Ahnna.” My mother explained.

I didn’t fully understand it. I heard America is a place far-far away. One of my classmates, Eunji, is from America. She said her grandpa went there first to work hard for his family in Daegu then their whole family went to America where she was born. However, they all came back to Busan because they missed their home.

If Appa and Aaron are going to America then wouldn’t they miss home too?

I don’t get it.

But I didn’t need to ask any more questions as less than a month after baby Ahnna was born, my parents explained to me and Aaron about the decisions they made.

Appa goes to America first before bringing Aaron with him a month later, after he is finished with Year 4 so that Aaron gets to study abroad. They even proposed the idea of all of us moving to America once everything was settled, but I didn’t want to move. That would mean that I had to leave my friends, my school, my toys, Jimin, and the Parks.

But my parents were left with no choice, they said. Appa was offered this job by his boss since their construction company was going to close and Eomma said that her job at a salon wouldn’t be enough for us.

I cried.

I cried because I was lonely. I felt alone.

Aaron had gone to America and I had the room all to myself but I still didn’t dare to move anything on Aaron’s side of the room. Eomma was busy with Ahnna. Ahnna gets sick often so I was usually left with the Parks, but I didn’t play with Jimin and JiHyun much. Jimin was busy with studying hard, he was one of the smartest students in the school! JiHyun was preoccupied with his Kindergarten activities.

Tonight was a night when Eomma called to say that she was staying with Ahnna at the hospital, so I was going to sleep with the Parks. Thankfully it was a weekend so they wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of preparing all three of us for school.

“Areum, you’ll sleep in Jimin and JiHyun’s room. Is that okay for you?” Jimin’s mom crouched down in front of me as we stood in the hallway in front of Jimin and JiHyun’s room.

I nodded as I hugged my soft brown teddy bear.

“Jimin! JiHyun!” The woman called as she opened the door for me to enter the boy’s room.

It was almost identical to Aaron and my room. Though it wasn’t a surprise as the units in the apartment were all identical, but it still hurts to see such a lively room shared by two siblings and I had no one to share such a spacious room for one me.

“Share JiHyun’s bed ya? Areum will sleep on Jimin’s bed.” The woman’s authoritative voice made the boy's nod synchronously.

Jimin moved his bright blue blanket off his bed and placed it on top of JiHyun’s bed. I walked towards Jimin’s bed and placed my teddy bear on his deep chocolate-colored sheets.

“Here’s an extra blanket we have.” Jimin spoke up whilst going to the drawer and pulling out a striped beige and brown blanket. He placed it neatly folded on the end of the bed before a cheeky smile crept up his lips.

“Wanna play tag?” Jimin smiled at me and although I wanted to rest, there was no way I could say no to his grin.

“You’re it!”

Jimin and JiHyun ran across the room as I chased behind them. My worries slipped to the back of my mind as I tagged JiHyun and immediately ran back towards the corner of the room Jimin was at.

The youngest Park with a determined face came running at us and Jimin and I went in two different directions leaving JiHyun the power on who he’d chased down, and to make it fair he had to chase Jimin around.

“JiHyun! Let’s form an alliance! Go for Areum!” Jimin ran around screaming before tumbling down to the carpet where Jihyun tagged him and ran back to the furthest corner of the room.

“Eumi, here I come!” Jimin warned before going straight in my direction.

It felt like I was running laps like the runners I see on TV by how much energy I exerted in running around the room a good two and a half times. I’m pretty sure Jimin had the power to simply chase the slower JiHyun, but his chase for me was never ending.

“Ohh Areum! I know you’re getting tired!” Jimin taunted, and I couldn’t deny it as I grew breathless the more steps I took. My eyes settled on Jimin's bed and the blanket that lay neatly folded in it. I had one last idea to keep Jimin off my tail.

I ran towards the bed and grabbed the blanket as I simultaneously laid down. I could see Jimin approaching the bed at full speed though I was quick enough to cover my whole body in the striped blanket.

I giggled as I felt him collide with the mattress. An exasperated sigh left him before I felt his hands starting to tickle my sides along with smaller hands that I could only assume was JiHyun.

“Stop cheating!” Jimin tried to pull down the blanket but I held it up securely and sooner than later I could feel Jimin’s body collapse beside me on the mattress and JiHyun whining a ‘no fair’ before walking to his own bed with toys still laid out in it.

We both looked exhausted as I lifted the blanket off me to see him. Sweat laced our skins but it didn’t matter when we had the brightest smiles on our face.

“I know it’s hard for you right now… but I’m always here for you Areum. Me, Eomma, Appa, and JiHyun. We’re always here.” Jimin spoke in a soft tone that made sure I knew it was genuine. A tone I’ve never heard before but it made my whole body wash with a sense of calm and assurance. It was weird, but it felt nice after everything that has happened.

[2005]

A freak accident was what it was.

We were simply playing catch and JiHyun happened to trap both me and Jimin at the end of the hallway. I screamed the idea before I even thought about it and both me and Jimin pushed on the door towards their bathroom.

Was the door stuck? Was something blocking it from opening? Or were we too engulfed in our game to realize that we both pushed on the door yet never twisted the knob? We were children of course we had to act our age, right? I was the first to realize our mistake so I twisted the knob in perfect synchronization as we both pushed at the door. The wood creaked as it violently wide open.

I guess Jimin had looked back to see JiHyun sprinting towards us for a second. Though that second where he pushed against the door and looked back at JiHyun had caused dire consequences.

Perhaps if he was looking at how the door opened then he would’ve stopped pushing against it, but what if he hadn’t stopped quickly enough? He would’ve had to deal with more damage. Though if he had stopped pushing then it was most probably going to be me who launched forward towards the toilet.

Cue our ride to the hospital.

My mother had immediately scolded me for being so careless. They had already told us to stop playing tag inside the house, but it was raining outside and the rush of playing inside had more thrill. What were we supposed to do?

However, I truly did feel awful when I saw Jimin sitting on a hospital bed in the emergency room. The side of his face swollen and his right eye closed from a gash on his eyelid.

I wanted to apologize, it was my idea after all. My thoughts ran wild in my mind and the hectic environment of the emergency room was certainly not helping. I wonder how Jimin felt? If I was overwhelmed from this alone then how did he feel especially with his injury on top of that.

“This really looks like it would need stitches. The gash is pretty deep and we need to make sure that it heals properly so that the eyelid can still do its job.” The attending doctor said and I involuntarily let out a shuddered breath, too loud for the person that was part to blame for the accident happening.

“Areum, go stay at the waiting area.” Jimin spoke as he looked at me with an expression I’ve never seen rest on his face.

Was he angry?

I mean, I’d be angry too if the person who suggested an idea that made me injure myself was still in my sight at the hospital.

Was he in pain?

What if the gash was really deep and it did damage to his eye? Was he going blind? What if it didn’t heal properly? Will he still have both his precious eyes intact? I wouldn’t forgive myself if there were any long lasting scars or defects.

“JiHyun too. It’s very crowded here.” Jimin spoke again as he noticed I hadn’t moved an inch from where I stood at the end of the hospital bed.

I nodded in defeat. Jimin’s Appa walked with me and JiHyun towards the waiting room. We sat down along with other people, it was much quieter and calmer in the waiting room though the thoughts in my mind still ran miles. I can hear JiHyun talking about their taekwondo session and suddenly more thoughts came to my mind.

What if Jimin wouldn’t be able to do taekwondo anymore? What if he couldn’t be their batch’s valedictorian anymore? He worked so hard last year and he’s still managing to achieve top results now. What if I ruined that for him? Would his fellow classmen allow him to be their class president again if he couldn’t see out of his right eye? Will he still have his signature smile with his cheeks rising, jaw stretching, smile lines showing, and perfect crescent eyes—

“Areum? Jimin’s finished, let’s get going now.” Jimin’s father and JiHyun stood over me as I absentmindedly stood up with them.

Was the wait that short or was I so occupied in my head that I hadn’t realized how much time had passed by?

I saw Jimin and Jimin’s mother walk away from the hospital desk and the ride back home in their family sedan was silently deafening. The radio wasn’t even on so all that occupied the silence was the other cars on the road and the blinking of the car signals when we needed to make a turn.

Jimin’s parents hadn’t said anything and if they did then we were out of the conversation. JiHyun was practically falling asleep leaning onto the car window and Jimin had his eyes locked on his window so I never saw the fixed damage to his face.

“Mi Jeong ah! Have dinner at our apartment tonight! You’ve been at the hospital for hours, come eat my Samgyetang!” My mother invited the Parks into our apartment and the Parks politely declined though it was that type of ‘no’ the adults do when they wanted to seem independent of help though always end up saying yes if asked the question twice. It’s like they only say no so that they are persuaded to say yes.

Nevertheless, the Park’s entered our apartment one by one. Jimin still kept his head down though from what I could see, his jaw swelling lessened and had colored his skin a tint of red with a few scratches.

We sat at the dining table as dishes clattered and mouths chewed. I didn’t have much of an appetite and from what I saw Jimin had only sipped soup as he often clenched his fist when he took a bite of chicken.

“Let’s see the damage Jimin ah.” My mother spoke up as Jimin kept his head down.

“Come on Jimin, it's not that bad. The doctor said the swelling and bruising will heal in a few weeks time, and we’ll come back for check ups regularly to check if his eye is healing well. Eight stitches should be barely visible when it’s fully healed.” Jimin’s mother explained with a soft smile.

Jimin lifted up his head and moved his hair around though the side of his face was visible enough to see the extent of his injury. His right eye was swollen and was shut close to show the eight stitches he had.

It looked painful and I couldn’t imagine myself in that pain much less placing him in that pain.

I stood up and excused myself to my room as the adults were now openly chatting and JiHyun had occupied himself in my three year old sister’s presence.

“Areum.”

I heard Jimin close the door of my room though I kept my eyes on the Math homework I had on my desk. Jimin liked Math. I would have asked him to help me on this homework like how I try to help him with History as he despised my favorite subject, but it felt wrong to ask when he was practically walking around with one eye.

“Areum.”

He sounded closer now. Damned his nimble dancing and martial arts coded legs that move in silence.

God, Jimin loved to sing and dance. How would he do both when he only had one eye?

I felt needles behind my eyes and I had to force myself to look up to the ceiling so as to somehow bring the tears back inside my eyes and not drip down on my cheeks. I was aware that it was a weird thing to do. Usually when you feel like crying then you’d keep your head down, but for some reason it felt more right for me to look up. Gravity acts as some source of help as it pushes tears back into me.

I looked back down to my math homework and I could see my fingers trembling.

“Areum, don’t cry.” His voice was ever so soft as he sat on the bed beside my desk.

I forced a glance at his direction and I saw the scratches on the side of his face again. His posture looked sad and weak. His hair is messy and his right eye swollen. He had an ice pack on his hand though he rested it on my bed.

Seeing his state in front of me had forced the tears out of me and he immediately stood up and went to hug me. My homework was long forgotten as I basked in his embrace. I just wanted him to forgive me.

“I’m sorry.” I merely whispered but Jimin only hugged me tighter.

“It’s not your fault, and I’m not that hurt.”

“You— you can’t even see out of your right eye!” I placed space between us to stare back at the stitched eyelids.

“Once it’s healed then it’ll be back to normal, like nothing had ever happened.” He said as if it was that easy. A soft smile graced his features as his right hand went to tuck a few strands of my hair. His fingertips were cold from holding the ice pack but it didn’t bother me.

“Your taekwondo? Can you still do Kendo? Don’t you have your quarterly exams coming? Won’t being class president stress your eye?”

He threw his head back as a chuckle left his lips. It was ironic. He should be the one worried yet he acted like this was a normal occurrence.

“Areum. A scar on my eye won’t stop me from achieving what I want. It’s just like every other injury I’ve had before.” Jimin reassured me though something still nagged at the back of my mind.

“Seriously. Get that frown off your face, it doesn’t look good on you. This is going to heal perfectly fine and I’ll have both of my eyes staring at you by next week.” His tone was light-hearted as he made his left eye widen as he said he’d be keeping an eye on me.

I smiled and his signature smile came back to his face, though only one eye made its crescent shape.

“Your eye better get well soon. I liked your pretty eye smile.”

It was true. Jimin’s eye smiles were the best. Eyes turned into moons and his smile lines and corner dimples would show along with his teeth. It just radiated a different sense of comfort.

“Eye smile?”

“Yeah.” I turned back to face the homework on my desk as Jimin still stood beside me.

“What does that mean?”

“When you smile your eyes smile with you, hence the name ‘eye smile’ obviously.” I shook my head as he chuckled whilst leaning into my desk.

“So sassy.”

“I’m only sassy because no one can help me with my math homework.” I molded my lips into a line as I barely understood the lesson assigned to us.

I always hated when we were assigned to study a topic we haven’t been taught yet to present in class. It makes the teacher’s completely useless, but I can’t argue against the system.

“Are you forgetting that you have this friend that is top of his class and loves Math?” He sounded offended as I looked up at him with a brow raised.

“Yeah, well that friend is currently half blind. He should probably rest and put some ice on his eye.”

Jimin laughed as he went to grab the ice pack from the bed and went back to his position beside me though this time holding an ice pack to his right eye.

“Your friend probably can’t rest when he sees you struggling with Math.” He played along and I could only shake my head.

I took a stool and placed it beside me before I offered him a seat. That was the night that Jimin had taught me all about 2D shapes and the properties of a quadrilateral with one eye, and yet the following morning I still got to lead my team to present and understand the lesson perfectly. I’ll never understand how Jimin does it.

[2010]

“Aish, Jimin ah turn that down!” I scolded as Jimin only sent me a funny teasing face with squinted eyes and puckered lips as he held a microphone in one hand.

“Areumi, stop being a killjoy~~” He sang in his high pitched yet controlled voice as a beat sang from the newly bought karaoke machine.

“Why does Areum get an exception in calling you an honorific, hyung? I’m your brother!” JiHyun whined from his spot on the floor.

“Exactly. You’re my brother, so you have to respect me—“

“Yeah yeah. How is Areum noona exempted from that?” JiHyun cut his older brother off with a repeat of his question.

“Areum is a year younger only, so it isn’t a big deal to me.” Jimin shrugged as he turned back to the television to scroll through the catalog of karaoke songs installed.

“Noona, can I just call you by your name?” JiHyun asked as I took my eyes off the magazine on my lap to look back at the younger boy.

I’ve grown fond of them. I can’t see my life without both of them and their parents. They were a second family to me. Someone I could lean on when troubles arose in our family. Questions like my future in South Korea, Aaron’s future in America, Ahnna’s future. Will we get to go to America and finally spend more time with each other other than the holidays.

I did get to go to America already. Aaron and Appa have a stable life in their studio apartment, though Appa says that we needed to wait a little more to go there, Eomma is growing impatient though. I wouldn’t blame her. We’ve been waiting for eight years, though I wasn’t too elated to leave permanently.

I loved home. I loved our family apartment. I loved school. I loved my friends, and I loved the Parks.

I couldn’t possibly survive without them.

“Yeah sure. You can call me however you like, JiHyun.” I smiled as the younger smiled warmly back at me.

“Could you stop reading that book and sing with me, Eumi!” Jimin whined as I moved my eyes to look up at him. A cute exaggerated pout playing on his lips as I shook my head a ‘no’.

“Ugh! Killjoy!”

I laughed as he turned his back on me sassily before working the remote to keep scrolling through the new released songs.

“What are you reading about anyways? Why is it more important than me?”

I giggled as I heard a genuine pout on his voice though I couldn't confirm it as he kept his back to me.

“What I’m reading about is not as important as you, Jimin.” I reassured with a roll of my eyes that he couldn’t see before continuing.

“I’m just learning English… You are so dher—drah— dramatic.” I spoke the end of my sentence in the English vocabulary I’ve learned, though it was quite difficult to pronounce the longer words.

JiHyun looked back at me with a raise of his brow as Jimin kept his gaze on the television.

“Why English?”

“It’s the universal language first and foremost. It would be great to understand a few English phrases too and Aaron speaks it fluently the last time we saw each other on Christmas. I can tell it felt strange to him to go back to speaking straight Korean.”

JiHyun slowly nodded as his focus on the comic he was holding faltered.

“How is Aaron hyung and Mister Seong?” JiHyun asked.

“They’re doing well. Aaron has a lot of American friends, so it was difficult to understand what they were saying, but I can tell he was enjoying America.”

“Hyung should adjust to you though. He shouldn’t forget to speak his own language just because he’s away.” Jimin spoke sternly. A reaction I didn’t expect from him.

“When is Hyung coming back anyways? It’s been what? Almost ten years? Ahnna is already eight!” JiHyun looked at me expectantly though I didn’t have the answer.

I just shrugged as JiHyun nodded and chewed on his cheek before turning back to close the comic he had in front of him.

“Hyung, pick a song already will you!” JiHyun lightened the air by adding a chuckle as Jimin continued to keep his back to us and scrolled faster through the catalog. I was surprised he hadn’t reached the end yet.

“Ah! Perfect song!” Jimin spoke as he selected the song ‘Only Look At Me’ by Taeyang. A song I frequently hear Jimin hum took our walks towards school.

“Add some dancing too! Let’s see if your after school Just Dance Academy lessons have been worth it.” JiHyun challenged as Jimin turned to face us with a playful smirk and a face that showed that he was ready to give us a performance of a lifetime.

“Eh.” The music started as Jimin looked as though he had channeled his inner soul.

“It’s been on my mind for a while.” Jimin spoke the English with little mistakes and I tried to hide how taken aback I was from hearing him speak English in a setting other than helping with homework.

“Gotta get this off my chest.”

He pointed to his chest before synchronizing his words with how he pointed his hand as if he actually had physically taken something off his chest.

“Before… it’s too late.”

The timbre played before he finished his sentence as the songs melody followed in a lower volume.

Jimin scrunched his face before bringing his free hand back to his chest and bowing down to look at the floor. His face was hidden by his black hair though he kept the microphone close to his lips.

Jimin always had a great voice. It was only enhanced in recent years when he started acknowledging it and properly advancing it through voice practice though in his journey of singing he found dance.

Dance was definitely where Jimin belonged. His body moved with such fluidity, it felt as though he was totally in control of everything. That’s why he had also started going to Just Dance Academy after classes. Sometimes me and JiHyun would tag along too. Their classes would start at five in the afternoon, just giving us enough time to commute to their studio, and end at seven where we would commute back home. His days of dancing and Kendo would alternate throughout the week, though he specifically scheduled two hours of dance in the morning of Saturdays before spending the rest of the weekends at home with us. He claims that weekends were for family though we pushed him to go do what he wants to do as Saturdays are the days where he can go to Dance without being too tired from school.

I can tell Jimin loved to dance. He has loved Kendo and Taekwondo ever since we’ve met. Both him and JiHyun were always so passionate about it, that’s why they had both entered taekwondo and Kendo, but the look in Jimin’s eyes when doing martial arts versus the look he had when dancing was completely different. There was a different type of sparkle. One that I can only assume was filled with passion.

Jimin breathed heavily as he bowed curtsy style when the song stopped and the machine processed his score.

“Bravo! That was incredible Jiminie!” I clapped loudly as he smiled at me with sweat on his forehead and rose tinted cheeks.

Not only did he score relatively high and sang perfectly well without the lyrics’ help, but he also danced a complex mixture of modern and contemporary dance. And despite the occasional heavy breathing, he actually managed to perform like a true performer.

“Ahh! I should’ve recorded that and sent it to Jessica!” JiHyun pulled out his white 2008 Samsung i640 with a teasing glace at his older brother.

Jimin glanced at his brother wide eyed as he walked towards the space on the sofa beside me, kicking his younger brother who sat on the floor below me before he let himself collapse on the sofa.

“Jessica who?” I asked, curiosity sparked by the mention of a name.

“Kim Jessica. Jimin’s crush oooooohhh!” JiHyun teased, as I raised a brow at Jimin to see if it was true, and if it was then why hadn’t I been informed?

“Stop JiHyun. I don’t like her.” Jimin continued to keep his eyes closed whilst leaning on the back pillows of the sofa.

“Yeah right! Just confess hyung. You’re graduating soon anyway.” JiHyun pushed, though it only made the older more irritated as Jimin threw a kick on the back of JiHyun to shut him up.

“Kim Jessica? The girl from Seoul?” I asked as Jessica was actually quite a common name in our middle school.

Jimin opened his eyes to meet mine and his expression was unreadable, though remnants of exhaustion were obvious. Sweat still on his skin though this time he looked at me with furrowed brows that were pushed slightly together and a scrunched forehead.

“Yes Areum, that’s her! Half the guys like her already hyung. Why would you waste your time admiring her from afar when she’s probably entertaining a lot of boys already?” JiHyun asked and this time Jimin sat up on the couch to properly push JiHyun onto the coffee table to shut him up.

“Ow.” JiHyun whined as he faced his older brother with an angry look though it was equally reciprocated as they got into some silent staring competition.

“Eumi yah, it’s already eight in the evening and I have to go to a friend’s dinner party. Get back to the apartment and take care of Ahnna.” Eomma spoke from the Park’s apartment front door with no warning though Jimin’s mother seemed to have expected her to come through.

“Dasom ah, Areumi and Ahnna can sleep over if they’d like. I don’t want you to leave them alone in the apartment late at night.” Jimin’s mother suggested a slight smile took over my lips.

“Oh, I don’t want them to cause trouble—“

“Nonsense Ahjumma! We’d love to have Areumi and Ahnna over! We can watch the Hulk movie before going to bed!” Jimin butted in, losing the staring competition against JiHyun as he assured my mother that they seriously didn’t mind us sleeping over for the night especially since it was a Saturday anyways.

“Okay… Go get a bag with your stuff, Eumi.” My mother agreed as she sent a thankful smile to Jimin’s mother.

“We’ll set up the room to fit all of us!” Jimin stood up as he started to drag JiHyun with him though Mrs.Park stopped the boys.

“Bring your mattresses to the living room. Why don’t you sleep here with the TV and board games.” She suggested, as all it would need to fit two mattresses in the living room would be to move the wooden coffee table and to push the sofa back up against the wall.

Jimin and I connected eyes as the pure excitement of a sleepover overloaded us. As strange as it sounds, in our years of close friendship we barely get to have sleepovers.

Yes, we stayed in each other’s houses and rooms up until ungodly hours playing games, doing homework, and simply having fun in each other’s company but we rarely actually slept in each other’s apartments. Our parents would argue on why it was necessary to sleepover when our apartments were merely five doors apart. We guessed that they didn’t understand the concept of sleepovers.

This was going to be an amazing night!

[sammieham]

While being thrown into the gut wrenching pit of reality, I had the chance to go see Barbie. I thought to myself before, during, and after the movie that being afab, being feminine, being a woman is heartbreaking in the face of the real world. 

I work in a masculine dominated field. As do most people. A regular day might consist of being poked fun at for not working out, for not being able to remember one silly line from a random movie, not being able to draw back more than 52 pounds. An average day for me is my skills as a technician being questioned by grown men who know nothing about their own equipment or being the main manager and leading bow technician that day and being thought of as “just the pretty receptionist.” That was actually said to my face as I was working on their equipment. 

All of that to say on the day I went to watch Barbie I had gone to my workplace, which I typically chalk up to “going to the range” since my archery range is there. I had my favorite outfit on, accented with my highlighter pink doc martens. While I did shoot bad due to feeling physically like shit (props to my internal war upon my uterus coming early) I still shot better than the men there. One in particular isn’t a bad customer. He’s actually one that sees me as a technician and equal to my male co-workers despite only being 20, a chick, and solely a target archer. When I took my leave I said, “I’m off to see the Barbie movie!” I was practically jumping I was so excited. This is a movie I have been looking forward to since the announcement. The pure joy and excitement was pouring out of me. I felt it in the way my eyes got a bit bigger and my smile a bit brighter. 

The customer said to me, “I didn’t see you as a Barbie person.” 

And I think the point of the movie was made there. That no matter who we are, Barbie is for us. No matter how we dress, no matter our line of work, no matter what we fight for and believe, Barbie is for us. You don’t have to look a certain way or be a certain age. You don’t have to be anything but someone who wants to love Barbie and use her as a reflection of who you are and/or want to be. 

I try so hard to be seen as some sort of equal to my male co-workers at the shop. I want to be respected and to be seen as more than some decoration to help the men go to other men to work on manly things. I want to be the one feminine person representing women on the range so little girls won’t be afraid to join in on a sport that offers so much community when the doors are opened to you. I want to be a safe haven for the women and girls looking for a potential comfort in an otherwise masculine dominated place. I want to be a bit like the Barbie of the shop. Equal respect received and a representation of women in a masculine world. 

when someone sees me as a doll they don’t see me as someone equal to the others in knowledge or skill in the field. It’s true I don’t have some skills or knowledge, but that’s the same with them. When someone sees me as equal to the others they tend to forget that I’m just a girl who used to play with dolls and likes the color pink. It would be amazing if both could happen. That I’m just a chick who used to play with dolls, likes pink, and can make archery equipment get bullet holes in paper.

And I loved Barbie for saying you can be an equal and you can be a doll. I loved it for every joke, every truth, and every pinch to the heart. I loved it for saying we are all not equal in personality, awards, strengths, and opinions, but we can receive equal respect.

[dietraumerei]

2023 Book Reviews

Ok, let's see if Tumblr lets me post this (I think it shouldn't be too long?) -- it's all my book reviews from 2023! Entirely unedited and just copy-pasted in, but on the off chance anyone else is interested in it, here it is.

I finished Tolkien and the Great War which was like…¾ very good. The last quarter was a fairly inexplicable and incredibly boring discursion on the early versions of what would, essentially, become the Silmarillion. Although a lot of his early works and early conceptions of what the Middle Earth mythology would be do tie into his life and experiences as a very young man in a hellish situation, this was just like…a recitation. And it was followed by a brilliant analysis of why Tolkien turned to an older medieval storytelling form instead of the modernists that we think of when it comes to the usual WWI writing! It was so good! The good parts of this books are so good! I simply cannot bring myself to care about the phoneme shifts his languages undergo.

It did remind me that I want to return to Paul Fussell’s writing in 2024, so there is that?

Also Tolkien’s bitchy disapproval of the aesthetes is never not hilarious to me.

I finished Hogfather, about which I refuse to give any kind of review other than to say I’ve been reading it nearly every December for going on 23 years now, and it’s a perfect book and I love it.

I finished Congratulations, the Best is Over! and I feel some kinda way about it. I love R. Eric Thomas, but the longer-form essays are sometimes good and sometimes not so good? I didn’t dislike it at all, but I’m also looking forward to what he writes next, as I think every collection gets a little bit better.

I finished The Custom of the Country and oh my god I LOVED IT. The Age of Innocence is still my favorite Wharton because Ellen Olenska, but this was the book that made me scream the most. It’s funny in the way that reality TV is funny, in that you laugh because you are horrified. Undine Spragg is the most magnfiicent monster in literature. She’s horrible. I adore her. What a fabulous work of art/car crash this book is.

I finished the latest Perveen Mistry Mystery, The Mistress of Bhatia House and it was wonderful but oh my god it is STRESSFUL and kind of a hard read at times because everyone is just being a huge dick to each other. (Also there’s a pretty major plot point left totally un-tied-up at the end which is wild, but I guess it’ll get sorted next book?)

I finished Lolly Willowes which tbh I didn’t love as much as I hoped I would, but is a very excellent book with some mind-blowingly relatable bits and I enjoyed it immensely. I love Sylvia Townsend Warner but just need to go in without expectations and enjoy the rather lengthy ride. (For such a short book, it takes awhile for anything to happen.)

I read Dolls of Our Lives and the more I think about it the more I disliked it. I’m tired and lazy so here’s the review I sent a friend:

I finished Dolls of our Lives last night. I found it…okay. The editing is often bad which was depressing. It mostly felt really tonally inconsistent – they’re both historians and know their stuff, but keep putting in schticky little pop culture jokes that are a) not that funny? and b) just appear out of nowhere. If you’re going to look at AG through a pop culture lens, do it properly, don’t just randomly name-drop pop culture stuff. It occasionally dips below surface-level analysis, but it’s not super memorable and I don’t see it aging really well. (I’d LOVE someone to write an accessible book that actually does look at AG dolls both within their own cultural contexts and the context of when they were released, to say nothing of the interplay of doll + book, and maybe with an added chapter on how girls and dolls play, and what it meant to release a doll that wasn’t aspirational in some way, whether it be an adult like Barbie or a baby doll. Okay, maybe I want three books. But it feels like there’s a lot of richness to dig into, and I’ve yet to see anyone scrape more than the surface.) Anyway, 6/10, it was okay but the authors do themselves a disservice. There’s a small section at the end where they talk about themselves and how the podcast has changed them and how it came about and it’s the best bit of the book because it’s actually vulnerable and interesting, with some theory thrown in, and it’s barely shticky at all.

I will now add that I think it’ll age like milk, and I’m super disappointed.

In happier news, I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd which is simply a masterpiece, and reading it was a deep and abiding pleasure. I know the twist and it still worked wonderfully on me – if you don’t know how it ends, I REALLY urge you not to spoil yourself and also to read it, for it’s wonderful and you will scream at the reveal.

I finished When the Angels Left the Old Country after @lesbrarian recommended it and it might be my favorite book I’ve read this year? Top five, certainly – it’s tense and beautiful and funny and full of love and very Jewish, and it just filled me with joy to read, even the sad parts. The comparisons to Good Omens are unavoidable, but really I find it a very different story in a lot of ways, although certainly with connections. I adored it, and it’s one of those books I can’t wait to re-read. Also every time I think about the angel too much I want to cry, but in a good way.

I also – finally, after many breaks – finished The Path the Power, the first volume of Caro’s LBJ biography. Oh my god, this book. THIS BOOK. The next time I do this I’m going to update every week on what I learned that week because there is just so much in this tome. I want to visit the Pedernales, but not in summer. The description of grass-growing was riveting. The descriptions of the lives of the farmwives before electrification was riveting (and horrific). The play-by-play for elections in the forties literally kept me up past my bedtime. And I have not even touched on Pappy O'Daniel (a real person!! who was apparently toned down CONSIDERABLY for O Brother Where Art Thou) or Lady Bird or how Caro more than once makes sure to mention that Johnson had a dumptruck ass.

Anyway, Lyndon was a vote-buying absolute fucking weirdo from birth and his mother was just as weird and his father was fascinating and I’m a little in love with Sam Rayburn. Do not let either the Old White Man History or the fact that this book is a fucking doorstop stop you, this is a masterpiece and I see why it won a Pulitzer. (whoops, looks like it was another volume that won the Pulitzer) I cannot wait to read the other volumes, which I estimate will take me about a year per book, but worth it!

I finished Menewood, about which I cannot possibly write intelligently. Hild was and is so important to me and I love that period in English history so, so much, and the immersiveness of the books, how heartbreaking and hard and wild and wonderful they are! It did push me to plan to get Hild in non-ebook format; they’re both absolute bricks so it’s easier to read the e-book but I found it super helpful to be able to easily refer to the family trees and maps and stuff.

I finished Lauren Groff’s The Vaster Wilds and as a certified Groff stan I loved it. It’s gross and hard and has the most amazing end, and like Matrix I am excited to re-read it over and over and unlock more language and more beauty and just more.

I finished Here for It by R. Eric Thomas and loved it. It’s more serious and longer-form than what he writes for his newletter or Elle, and really benefits from it; he’s an incredibly talented storyteller. Not what I was expecting, but all the better for it.

I am DNF for A Lady for a Duke which I had such high hopes for! I don’t think it’s a bad book, but it is not a book for me, unfortunately.

I finished Everything I Need I Get from You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as We Know It and have a lot of feelings! I think it’s a really, really good book that’s respectful of fans and interesting, but it focuses almost solely on One Direction fandom, and I kind of wish that was clearer from the title and the summary? Like, no shade to that being the topic, but it feels like this is being sold as kind of a universal look at online fandom, and…it kinda isn’t?

(yes i’m salty there wasn’t anything about snapewives, yes this was somewhat soothed by chapters dedicated to L*rr*es and B*byg*te, YES I am afraid of 1D fangirls.)

I also read Phoebe’s Diary because I adore Phoebe Wahl and it was cool to read a middle-grade novel/graphic novel from her! (Most of the book is typeset, but there are lots of great little cartoons and drawings interspersed. I really, really liked it, although sometimes it’s a little hard to read because a) it is very realistic which means it’s like 95% about boys and boyfriends and that gets kind of old and b) it is very realistic and made me so unbelievably grateful that I never ever have to be 16 again. I would be extremely curious what a contemporary sixteen-year-old thought because it’s kind of a semi-period piece (set in 2005-6) and a few bits of it sort of…haven’t aged well from that period? (There’s one character who I think we’re meant to dislike but I love her so much because she reads aro-ace.) Anyway, I’m really glad I read it although at times it was painful, 10/10 do not miss being sixteen.

I haven’t finished anything, but I’m DNF for Sarah Vowell’s Lafayette in the Somewhat United States because I found it hard to follow and frankly incredibly boring. (I am going hard for the DNF’s these days, life is too short.)

omg so much! I read Learned by Heart in like three days, and it made my Anne Lister-loving heart sing. Truly, it broke my heart and it was so sweet and so happy and sad and just so good, I loved it and I’m hoping it triggers another bout of Lister hyperfixation.

I also read Agatha of Little Neon, which was likewise sad but sweet and happy and hopeful. It had a lot of feelings, but I loved it very, very much, and it just…made me feel good inside?

I was DNF on The Late Americans by about the sixth Sad Gay Man whose personality traits were that he was Sad and Gay and [insert one additional trait here that is shared with at least one other Sad Gay Man]. I love Brandon’s newsletter and his criticism; I did not like this novel.

I FINALLY finished Herzog! For a relatively short novel, it benefits from a slow reading – and I even basically skipped over the philosophical bits because my love for sad mid-century white men only goes so far. Anyway – a little to my surprise, I enormously enjoyed it. I don’t know that it’s, like, the greatest novel ever written and it’s edging into my ‘This got a Pulitzer? Really?’ pile, but a) I can see why it was groundbreaking and amazing and the Saga of the Everyman when it came out and b) honestly it’s really funny and interesting. It’s a little bit Odyssey-like, and Herzog is such a likeable schmuck, and just, yeah. It was great. It’s also a wonderful love letter to both the Berkshires and Chicago, and I loved the very quick Vineyard Havens moment.

Our Wives Under the Sea – a friend said this was the best book she’d read all summer, and I think it’s up there for me. It’s haunting and weird and beautiful and sad and I loved it very much.

Painted Pomegranates and Needlepoint Rabbis: How Jews Craft Resilience and Create Community - hah, I just realized this was a gift from the friend who made the Our Wives rec! I’ve got a little theme of reading about how craft creates meaning in various communities/subcommunities, and this fits right in. It’s definitely an academic text, but I found it extremely accessible. It doesn’t present a very diverse portrait of Judaism – which the author absolutely admits to and apologizes for – but for what it is, it’s a very interesting and valuable text, and I’m glad I read it and it’s part of my collection now.

I finished Big Swiss which is one of those books I ought to hate, but I was…not necessarily loving it, but definitely fascinated as hell with it. It’s such a gross book, and Greta is so majestically self-destructive, I actually could not look away. Magnificent, 10/10 would watch barely-likeable protagonists fuck their own lives up again.

Also, not a book, but I finally read Blackmun’s dissent in DeShaney v. Winnebago County, a landmark case that essentially determined that the government is not actually expected to protect you. (Skip noted segregationist Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s ruling, but the Wikipedia article on the case breaks it down well.) You can read it here – scroll down to the very bottom, his dissent is only 4 paragraphs, and it is beautifully, wonderfully written. The ‘Poor Joshua!’ paragraph is the most famous, but I return again and again to the passage Justice Blackmun quotes from Stone’s Law, Psychiatry and Morality, and particularly the line “What is required of us is moral ambition.”

(I learned about the case and Blackmun’s dissent through the podcast 5-4, which is both excellent, and a good antidote to growing up in the shadow of the Warren Court, as I did. The Supreme Court has always sucked, it turns out. Seriously, it’s one of my favorite Supreme Court podcasts and I subscribe to, um, a lot.)

I read Brutes in about two sittings, it was so good. What a wonderful book about the horror of being a teenage girl, and I mean that in the best possible way. I loved it.

I finished, appropriately enough, Ned Boulting’s 1923 which is a beautiful book about the Tour de France and the nearly-forgotten Theo Beeckmann, and about the covid pandemic and history and tracking people and places down through time. I am an enormous fan of Ned (and David and Pete for any other Never Strays Far fans), and although this book very rarely pushes just a touch into bathos, it is mostly beautiful and wonderful and I’m glad he wrote it and I’m glad I read it.

(I finished it on June 30th, which is rather an important day in the book so I’m proud of my timing too.)

I also read A Half-Built Garden which I have a lot of very complex emotions about. I don’t know if I liked it, but I like how it made me react and think and feel and get grumpy. I’m not even sure it’s all that great, but it sure did make me think.

I finished Fintan O’Toole’s massive We Don’t Know Ourselves about Ireland in the last 50-odd years. It is very good, and sometimes very hard to read (he pulls no punches regarding either the IRA or the Christian Brothers) and I’m glad I read it.

I also finished Secrets Typed in Blood, the third of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It starts off the weakest (or maybe I was just in a Mood), but it is, as ever, a good, quick, satisfying mystery.

I read Elizabeth Kilcoyne’s Wake the Bones which I loved – I normally prefer a bit more gothic in my Southern horror, but the very end especially is the most incredible reveal. I could not stand the protagonist and I still liked the book, that’s how good it is.

I also read Scorched Grace, which is apparently first in a series about a crime-solving nun. It’s written as a hardboiled noir and, yep, that’s what it is, which means it’s also not good, but it’s supposed to be kind of hacky, so it works? It’s *gruesome*, but I liked it well enough, I think noir just really isn’t for me.

Oh, and I guess I’m on an Irish lit kick because I read Foster (more a novella than a novel), which I found pretty meh, tbh.

I keep starting new books and I’m now in the middle of at least two Giant Tomes, oops. I did finish Saltwater by Jessica Andrews which is better than the Kirkus review it got! It didn’t, like, change my life but it was good reliving being at Uni in the UK and also I enjoyed it, all I ask of a book.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett: umpteenth re-read, a perfect book. I have beautiful editions of all the Tiffany books now, and hope to slowly make my way through them.

Red Shift by Alan Garner: I was heartened to learn that this is one of his most difficult books; I will be honest that I struggled, but it’s lingered in me, and I hope to re-read it many more times and keep untangling it. It is very, very good.

Hons and Rebels by Jessica Mitford: I’ve been meaning to read this for ages, and it didn’t disappoint in the least. I’m fascinated by the Mitford sisters, and this is such a good peek into them.

It also really drives home how unutterably boring a landed-gentry upbringing was.

Trust by Hernan Diaz: ok you know how people win Oscars nominally for some meh role, but it’s clearly really for an older role that they were overlooked for? That is this book and the Pulitzer, when In the Distance probably should have won. It was fine, but I was kind of underwhelmed. Next time I’ll just read some Wharton.

DNF on Upright Women Wanted which I wanted to love very much and absolutely hated. Next time I’ll just re-read Whiskey When We’re Dry.

I did finish Murder Under Her Skin, the second of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It was great fun and a very good mystery and I am excited for the next one.

I finished All the Beauty in the World, the memoir of a Met Museum guard. I have an almost guilty fondness for the Met; it really should not exist, but I love it, and I loved reading this very much. I do miss easy access to world-class museums :/

I also read Michelle Tea’s Against Memoir, which has the best fucking essay of all time about the SF girl gang HAGS, but really I loved the whole thing. I’ve become an absolutely massive Michelle Tea fangirl and use her tarot book all the time and just ugh, I can’t wait to get more of her stuff.

I just finished Elie Mystal’s Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution. Mystal is incredibly funny and smart and is an amazing Twitter follow if you are still on the bird hellsite. It is easy to think that funny writing is unserious, but this is deeply serious, and is a very good argument for pretty much a new Constitution that wasn’t written by enslavers. Also now I finally understand what substantive due process is, and what the difference is from procedural due process. (I also grasp the ninth and tenth amendments a little better too.) Anyway – really, if you are at all interesting in con law, or how much the Supreme Court sucks, or how broken a document the Constitution is while containing seeds of a better document, I deeply recommend this.

I finished The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows, and continue to very much enjoy Olivia Waite! This is *not* an nice, fizzy romance – the romance is, honestly, a pretty small part of the plot, and that’s not knocking it one bit. It’s queer and scary and very good. I definitely would be okay going back to a fluffy romance soon, but I’m glad I read this.

I also finished The Return of the King and words fail me, honestly. It’s been so long since I read the trilogy, but I truly cannot wait to re-read it; Tolkien is so much better than what came after, and it’s been good to re-learn that. The battle of Pelennor Fields is the scariest thing I’ve ever read. I have discovered four new emotions. I cried at the end. I mean, *you* sum that book up! (I have precisely zero desire to watch any of the new shows and whatever else comes out; the original trilogy was lightening in a bottle, and I will keep my memories warm and good, tbh.)

I finished Square Haunting, about women writers between the war and Mecklenburgh Square. It was quite good and interesting, and it was nice to build on the writers I already knew about (pretty much just Dorothy L. Sayers and Woolf), and learn about Eileen Power and just…that whole London set. I don’t know if tons of it will stick with me, but I’m pleased I read it.

Remembering Denny, by Calvin Trillin. It’s about a classmate of his from Yale, and about how people change and show different sides of themselves, about being gay pre-Stonewall and about the Silent Generation. It is very, very good. (Also FULL of people! Larry Kramer shows up at one point! And early on there’s some stuff that unexpectedly linked to my own life which was just WEIRD and kind of wonderful too.) I love Calvin Trillin so much.

Fortune Favors the Dead, an excellent little queer noir mystery, I am excited to read the next one.

The Hollow Places, I really love T. Kingfisher, love a good quick horror read. This hit a lot of the same beats as The Twisted Ones, which isn’t a strike against it, but I’m hoping for something new with the next book. Still, A++++++++ landscape horror.

I read Women Talking which was…fine? It was okay, I wasn’t blown away I have to say.

I read Hérnan Díaz’ In the Distance which I truly ought to have hated, and I don’t know if I *liked* it, but it’s going to stick with me a long time. It’s a Western, kind of. It’s dreamy, and violent, and lovely.

DNF on Charlie Brown’s America: the Popular Politics of Peanuts. There is a great book to be written on this topic. It is not this book, which quickly proved unreadable.

And I finished The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics which was fun and lovely and a nice fizzy romance, especially after In the Distance, lol. I’ll def read the next books in the series!

I have been reading at a good clip! Let’s see, I finished Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens which is about a ghost and George Sand and Chopin and making decisions and it was so joyful and so lovely and very queer. I re-read Lauren Groff’s Matrix and loved it even more the second time; I was able to snag a signed hardback copy from a friend and I’m delighted to own it because the book itself is beautiful, and it’s a dreamy read. And finally I read Calvin Trillin’s The Tummy Trilogy which is a collection of his three books that collect his food writings. These essays are glorious, hilarious, charming, a celebration of good food and good eating and regional food. I will say, though, that the final book is really by far the weakest, and I will skip it in future; the first two books are perfection. (FYI, if you do pick this up, and I really recommend it, note that he was writing in the 70′s and they are a bit of their time, but in a way that is good-humoured at least.) I’ve also got his Remembering Denny and I’m really excited to read that soon.

I finished Times Square Red, Times Square Blue and enormously enjoyed the first essay about Delany’s time in the porn theatres of Times Square. It’s character sketches and talking about how people meet and relate, and I loved it. The second essay is vastly denser and more theoretical, and I will be honest most of it went over my head. I liked most of what I grasped, although his plan for how to end catcalling of women is…certainly there.

I also read Kate Beaton’s Ducks in basically one sitting and it’s so, so good. It’s much sadder and harder than I thought it would be, but it’s worth reading.

I read Bad Land because Jonathan Raban died last week, and I am absolutely gutted. He was a magnificent writer and Bad Land was so good and so rich and a bit funny, and it got me up in my feelings as I read about him driving over the pass into Seattle, following the trail of Montanans, while I was flying into Seattle (and then going north through the rain). It’s so, so good, and I will miss Raban so much.

I also finished The Two Towers, about which I can only say that it’s kind of a weird bridge book, but it has some of the best and loveliest lines and also jesus I can’t write a review of Lord of the Rings, it holds up, ok?

I finished Bill Bryson’s 1927, his history of a fairly amazing year in American history. The occasional fatphobic jokes were…weird and not funny, but the man can write a good popular history book. It was my airport reading coming back from the east coast, and very good airport reading it was.

I finished Homewaters, which is a gorgeous book about the natural and human history of the Puget sound region, and I loved it. It’s not the fastest-paced book going, but it’s a fantastic history and goes into the biodiversity of the area, and I’m so glad I got it.

I also read A Prayer for the Crown-Shy in one sitting on an airplane. I did not glom onto the Monk and Robot books as much as I thought I would, but I liked this a lot, and found it really lovely. I hope very much that there will be others.

Finally, last night I finished reading Shadowlands: A Journey Through Britain’s Lost Cities and Vanished Villages. Some chapters are better than others (or maybe I was just more awake?) – I found the chapters on Skara Brae and St. Kilda genuinely riveting, but still don’t quite remember what happened at Old Winchelsea, for example. The last chapter, on Capel Celyn, was startlingly hard to read; I have mostly left my time in Wales in the past. Not in a bad way, but there’s no point in it being in my daily life, but it was much more painful to read about my once-home than I thought it would be. (It’s also just an absolutely gutting story.)

[firespirited]

All the info on what not to do for customs or restorations that you want to last is really cool and helpful but can I say thank you for the few sentences about how it’s mostly the ones being sold or that people are claiming is a good method are the problem and not people just messing around because that honestly makes me happy like yeah my paper mache crimes aren’t going to last but they were fun and make me laugh I’m just messing around with play line Barbies because I like designing fun outfits and messing around with acrylic paint ( the sharpies we’re a bad idea I will admit but acrylic paint hid my sins)

Meet Iris and Militia my attempts at adding goth and punk Sashas to lines where she was excluded. I used felt tip mixed in sealant to give Iris darker eyes long after I knew about the dangers of inks, and sure enough, it leached and I had to bleach then attempt to fix her eyes which are now hard to photograph. Militia uses human kanekalon, I can't straighten it and redo the curls without risking it coming out of the head. It was a stupid impulsive idea and I should have waited to get some nice nylon.

These are my Space Angelz, if you know bratz and their current market value you are looking at sacrilege. I customized Sasha when she was already worth $100. Nevra's not even on ebay she's so rare: I plan on restyling her hair when her elastics perish. They're worth more than money to me, I'd also give away that Nevra in a heartbeat if it helped a friend get medical care.

What you do with your own dolls is your business. If I were to sell Iris or Militia, it would be with warnings and detailed photos in different lights.

I occasionally would send a quick note to customizers to let them know if they were about to customize a doll worth more as "stock" than transformed. I griped a little about clearly asian or latina dolls being whitewashed in the tree change dolls craze...

My main concern is the return of OOAK Monster High dolls, they were/are priced at the costs associated with BJD custom work which I respect - it takes skills, time and expensive materials. However they aren't working on resin but vinyl: a much more unstable material. I saw many customs where they didn't even empty the head of the nasty staining glue because they wanted the head stubble to hold the wig. I didn't think it was fair to sell these as collector dolls when they won't last, in the same way that i'm furious at Mattel for selling the original dolls knowing they wouldn't last and they knew for ten years.

I think it boils down to whether you're perceived as a "professional customizer": are people are going to think "well I saw a pro do this"? Hobby folks mucking around? Well at worst you have to wipe your work and glitter over the mistakes ;)

[roboraindrop]

More thoughts about lore for my s/i for Chucky under the cut! Dark and potentially triggering topics discussed within, check the tags!

--

SO my thought is that Chucky and I ended up in the same home together as teens. We become fast friends bc we both have to mask for others and it's exhausting.

We get talking one night about why we're there. He's there bc obviously he killed his mom. But,, I'm also there for attacking a family member; My dad. My story is a bit different from his though-

I tell him about how my dad was abusive towards me and my mother, and one day I snapped and couldn't take it anymore, attacking him. After that, my mother couldn't handle having custody of me because I needed "too much help" as an autistic child pushed too far. So I was given away as a ward of the state. No foster family would take me because I was labeled as having a violent past. Despite showing me multiple kills and grotesque things, the only time Chucky ever saw me express fear was talking about what my father did... So he decides to take matters into his own hands.

Anyways long story short he tracks down my father and brings him to me, where I get to make the killing blow, as a treat <3

Our friendship lasts as we grow up, even when he gets with Tiffany. I'm a close friend to both of them, but my true loyalty lies with Chucky. So I never told Tiff about Sarah, whether or not she already knew. Once the cops get called and Chucky gets shot, she and I both think that he's dead and mourn him together.

During this time, I end up in a bad relationship where the guy is just like my father. I've lost all passion for fighting back, so I'm resigned. When a Good Guy doll shows up at my door with the voice and spirit of my dead best friend, he notices how rough I look, and asks what happened.... Only to go barbie mode when my partner shows up. After witnessing the abuse, he quickly decides that the guy has to die, and takes care of him for me, asking when I'm gonna learn to stand up for myself. He's only half joking as he pockets the knife in his overalls and catches me up to speed on everything he's had going on. He asks what I'm doing with a jerk like that, and when I tell him my fight died when he did, that kinda softens him up a bit. He didn't expect anyone to care about his death, except maybe Tiff, but with their last interaction being a fight, and her being the one to call the cops on him, he couldn't count on her. He knew he could always count on me, though. And maybe that's where the obsession takes hold, when he realizes that my feelings are genuine, and he's never had that before. And he wants more of it. More than Sarah could give him, and more than Tiffany already had. He becomes a little obsessive over me at that point, but I'm not used to being wanted in any sense of the word, so I just soak it in rkndslsn

Eventually, it gets to the point where we're working together on kills like he and Tiff used to, with him sort of training me. He knew I had it in me all those years ago when I had no qualms about his kills and no trouble delivering the final blow to my father, and he helped me kindle that flame.

After a while we end up finding and customizing a doll for me to inhibit, so that we can stay together and it won't be weird dkshsj

[obwjam]

Once upon a time, in the vibrant world of Barbie and her friends, Ken (portrayed by the dashing Ryan Gosling) was enjoying a sunny day in Barbieland. He had just returned from a daring adventure in the Malibu Dream House when something unusual caught his eye.

As Ken strolled through the pastel-colored streets, he noticed a minuscule figure standing in the middle of the Barbie-sized town square. Intrigued, he approached cautiously, his broad shoulders casting a shadow over the tiny person. To his amazement, the figure was a three-inch-tall woman, dressed in a petite gown that seemed as if it was custom-made for a doll.

"Hello there," Ken said, kneeling down to get a closer look at the tiny stranger. "Who are you, and how did you end up in Barbieland?"

The tiny woman, whose name was Jasmine, looked up in astonishment at the giant Ken. Her heart fluttered as she noticed the impressive contours of his chest, a vast expanse of warm, smooth skin that rose and fell with each of his steady breaths. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest were mesmerizing, and Jasmine couldn't help but feel both vulnerable and safe in his presence.

"I'm Jasmine," she replied, her voice soft and musical like the tinkling of tiny bells. "And I have no idea how I got here. One moment, I was in my own world, and the next, I found myself in this fantastic place."

Ken couldn't help but be captivated by Jasmine's delicate beauty. He gently scooped her up into his hand, cradling her to his broad, strong chest like a precious treasure. Jasmine's heart raced as she looked up at Ken, feeling both vulnerable and protected in his warm embrace. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest against her tiny form, the gentle thud of his heartbeat resonating through her.

"Don't worry, Jasmine. You're safe with me," Ken assured her, his voice a soothing rumble that resonated through his chest. He carefully adjusted her against his chest, ensuring she was comfortable and secure.

Together, Ken and Jasmine embarked on a journey through Barbieland, navigating the streets and gardens with Jasmine nestled securely against Ken's powerful chest. As they ventured deeper into the enchanting world, Ken occasionally brought Jasmine closer to his face, allowing her to see the world from his perspective. Each time, their eyes met, and a special connection began to form, deepening with every shared moment.

They encountered obstacles and challenges along the way, but with Ken's strength and Jasmine's determination, they overcame every hurdle. As the days passed, their bond grew stronger, and Jasmine found herself cherishing those moments when Ken would hold her close to his chest, her heart beating in rhythm with his, their connection growing deeper with each passing day.

However, they soon discovered that returning Jasmine to her world wasn't as simple as they had hoped. The portal that might lead her home remained elusive, leaving them with no choice but to continue their journey in Barbieland.

As they looked out over the pastel-colored landscapes of Barbieland, Jasmine found solace in the security of Ken's chest, her heart finding a home in the steady rhythm of his breathing. It was an extraordinary connection that defied size and circumstance, and in the midst of their adventure, they both realized that sometimes, the most unexpected connections could become the most meaningful.

And while Jasmine's journey home remained uncertain, she knew she was exactly where she was meant to be, cradled against Ken's powerful chest, where the world felt both vast and safe, in the care of the kind-hearted Ken whose chest had become her sanctuary in this extraordinary world.

DKFJSKSJDJAKJS this is the ken i know and love. soft and caring and loving!

[my-plastic-life]

Continuing my tribute to the 15th anniversary of The Vampire Diaries. :D

When the series debuted in 2009, I wasn't really collecting dolls then, but with the release of Mattel's Twilight dolls around the same time, I looked TVD dolls up out of curiosity. The only ones I was able to find were the ones designed by Tonner. I loved them, even though they're larger than Barbie. They're about 15-17" tall, so kind of between 1/6 and 1/3 scale.

Of course, since the series was in its third season, finding the dolls was a challenge. The official Tonner site no longer had them, so I turned to eBay. Oh, they had them - but several were missing their clothes and the guys were missing their rings, etc. Somehow I was eventually able to find all three, at different times, and I had to buy the guys' outfits separately, but they were mine at last! I still have them, and they're still in their display case. I didn't want to remove them because A) they're delicate with the leather and rings, and B) they're more cumbersome than Barbie due to their larger size. But alas, I did have to remove the plastic case because the overhead light was reflecting off of it, so all you could see in the photos was a big glare. >.< But they survived the exposure for that long!

From left: Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, and Damon Salvatore:

I was lucky enough to find both brothers with their rings! Many have holes in their hands because the ring is missing:

There is also a second line of Tonner dolls from TVD. These feature the brothers from the 1800s, when they first became vampires. Katherine was also made, but I didn't get her because I'm not a fan of her lol. But I love the brothers! I didn't have to remove these from their case for photos, since they weren't in line with the light. Like I said, I don't want to move them around too much because they're delicate and they can also be top heavy. I did have to replace the stands they came with because they were just awful... those crotch cradle stands are the worst. They're now using large Kaiser stands. Love those!

I've come a long way with doll customization myself, so I may very well wind up making my own Barbie-size versions of these characters... not including Mini Me's other half LOL.

[hopelessromanticstrawberry]

my stripper eras

Chanel— baby dancer part time camgirl living in a trailer park, losing all my high school “friends” and everyone finding out i was a stripper, spent like $500 at guess when i made my first bag, “goth barbie” was my aesthetic and club nickname, wore 8 inch heels my first night and nobody could tell i had never danced before, drunk guy trying to aggressively open my friends car door right after we got in after auditions (she might have ran over his foot when we drove off in a panic), never approached or talked to customers, stretched so much to become flexible, wore those ugly designer print bikinis, smoked dab pen on shift with the dj, drove 3 hours to work every shift and usually stayed in the motel 8, super long acrylics, danced to juice wrld and frank ocean, bouncer tried to pimp me out, haunted strip club, the guy who shit his pants while i was dancing for him (shit on the floor and the whole club closed early), stretches with a veteran dancer on the side stage when it was slow, watching cops drink on shift, no dancer bathroom because of the girls doing heroin, seeing my first OD in real life and ambulances, shitting outside in the rain by the smoking porch, driving 5 hours home in a blizzard, the guy who head butted through his car windshield, the blood stains from the guy who shot himself outside the entrance, my pet hamster that lived 3 years, driving across the country with my best friend, obsessed with the ig account exotic cancer, cops stalking dancers after our shift to try and ticket us for no reason (hiding one time in a bank parking lot and watching this cop who was tailing me round the block six or seven times looking for me??), a cop trying to pull me over across state lines i recognized him as one of the cops who was always in the club, additionally having cops flirt with me on shift and watch my half naked stage sets (very uncomfortable lol), a dancer stealing my entire duffel bag of lingerie me being too poor to replace it, winning dancer of the month and getting free house fees for all of December, being tipped multiple $100s on stage by a guy i accidentally kicked with my 8 inch boots,

Stormi— pandemic dancer, moved to florida because of lockdown, living in my own real house for the first time with the coolest landlord, a “friend” trying to steal 2k from me, danced stripperbowl, 38” black hair, wore microkinis and jordans, juicy couture backpack money bag, “stormi baby”, full nude dancing, got 3 new tattoos, strawberry vapes and “weed gives me panic attacks” era, grew somewhat desensitized to a violent crowded chaotic unpredictable workplace, euphoria makeup n emotionally dependent on 25mm fake lashes, cultivated extreme insecurity here and lost my sense of self, acrylic nail obsession continued until i got cut off by the nail ladies bc my real nails were paper thin, never got to pick my music always edm and i hated it, management was weird to me forever after i didn’t join their favorite girls for drinks in my first month also finding out all the managers were dating the hostesses who picked only their friends to make money (including trying to cut me out of my own money to try and give it to their friends), a lot of stormi fangirls who copied me especially after i left, first time ever being SA violently at work and feeling the crunch from breaking someone’s nose, doing coke with my girl crush (going to her house to hookup and it going terribly), the tiny locker room with no lockers, dance specials every 30 minutes and being paraded out in a line like cattle, making over 2k for the first time, meeting my first celebrity at work (nfl player), seeing explicit extras for the first time, sitting in the champagne room staring at the ceiling while the other stripper lets them finger fuck her, seeing a blowjob happen in the lapdance room, driving home in a tropical storm, 3 different shootings across the street one while i was at work and they locked us in, finding out the bouncers were illegally concealed carrying, watching dancers get SA onstage and nobody doing anything to stop it (including management/security), the club across the street hiring a disabled 13 year old girl and pimping her out, watching my friend OD and nobody caring (actually having my money id made that night threatened to be taken away bc i wasn’t dancing), 4 hour champagne room and dancing the entire time, a different friend getting roofied and nobody seemed to bat an eye, buying a new phone, taking multiple months off work, adopting a black kitten, going no contact with my family, learning pole tricks on my home pole, trying molly and ketamine, dollskill fashion, always playing lil peep, guy from the club getting obsessed trying to be my sugar daddy, eating pussy for the first time, my first threesome, doing coke on christmas, the “no entry without a warrant” sign on the door, working with no audition just an ID check, someone smoking crack while i was crying in the bathroom, my first ever gynecologist appointment because i got a yeast infection doing a splits on the dirty strip club stage, the dj who did meth and constantly screamed incoherently into the mic, over $1000 stage set, dancing with 4 girls onstage at the same time, simulating sexual situations with really hot girls at work, black yardwork trash bags full of money, getting sick from too much blunt smoke, how much it burns when someone spills vodka on ur recently shaved pussy, the church ladies leaving us gift baskets with ugly red lipsticks, pimps always coming in and being sooo cringe until we laughed them out of club, drunk ppl jumping onstage, all the concussions from girls getting kicked from whoever was doing pole tricks at the same time they were onstage (happened to me once), sex tape of a girl in our champagne room, the bouncers being manwhores, our Christmas party where they hired male strippers and one of the girls got fucked in the lapdance room (paid him $100 for this), a girl trying to fight me bc she wanted to eat hot wings over my bag (I said no obviously) working till 8am, the broadway performer guy who tap danced for me in our champagne room, the shootings omfg… hiding in the locker room bc there was a shooting in the parking lot next door

Summer— blonde bob, rhinestone 7 inch heels, baby pink everything, ribbons in my hair, working dayshift for the first time in my life, press on nails, hated all the clubs in my city and felt trapped era, daily xanax, ordering dispensary weed from a legal state and smoking again, cigarettes, hearing the djs shit talk my home club, the locker room catfight with chicken nuggets, no longer vegan, eating the lava cake at work, gaining almost 20 pounds, wearing sweatpants every day in 90 degree weather because my weight was fluctuating too much to invest in nice clothes, trying therapy and being pushed antidepressants even though i told them i didn’t want tht (her settling to push blood pressure medication meant for old men?? also cutting me off any time i talked about my feelings too much), feeling even more insecure when i wasn’t allowed to work night shifts for 3 months even after multiple managers approved it, wearing pasties that made me almost cry every time i took them off, fostering holland lop bunnies, dancing to so much summer walker, literally every girl i worked with being an escort and acting bitchy when i wouldn’t meet customers with them, onlyfans and tiktok era, alienation and frustration after trying my hardest with no results … made absolutely no friends here and felt so alone, my landlord selling our house while we lived in it (randoms unlocking the front door and walking in while i was home alone), my sister legitimately almost dying and showing signs of serious mental illness (sending worrying texts before ghosting me and reappearing weeks later in a different states emergency room) almost reconnecting with my family just to find out if she’s okay and eventually her going manic again and disappearing on me after we talked, realizing i needed to focus on myself because i was powerless in those situations, waking up to multiple hurricane evacuation sirens, officially decided to move and drive across the country in less than 24 hours

Shiloh— living in an Airbnb, almost having to sleep in my car with 10k cash my first night, almost not getting my dancer license (the dmv lady fudged my paperwork to approve me), going for my audition and being so nervous because it’s such a big city being pleasantly surprised they hired me (out of state ID was almost a deal breaker I guess), breaking over 2.5k my first night working, working almost every day, becoming a “early night shift” dancer for the first time, eating home cooked meals from the house mom, dancing to lana del ray on a really bad night and feeling unreal, buying a new car and hating it, the dj calling me to stage when i was crying, cigarette vending machine, not doing drugs and that being weird, brown sugar boba, dior rosewood lipsticks, 3 piece lingerie sets, first pair of strapless heels, first legit gentleman’s club experience, dying my hair black again, first time renting an apartment, hating my clubs owner, watching all my work friends get fired for stupid things, seeing my club single handedly destroy their clientele and not advertise to get customers, leaving negative for the first time ever, multiple weeks of no customers, grabbing everything from my locker on a busy Friday and walking out with no explanation

Jasmine-// new era//

[themetalvirus]

Geniiuineee3 genuine it genuine ^_^ what do you most want ever in the entire world ever!

oh!!! ok uhhh UH uh

this got long. i have so many daydreams about items i would enjoy having in my life srry

in terms of like, hopeful pipe dreams, i want a proper midline pc so i can play games on my computer without it absolutely Melting, but that kind of thing is prohibitively expensive. in terms of needs, i honestly just need more jammy pants and stuff like that since i've got a lot of worn out clothes i can't really afford to replace with anything but more clothes that'll wear out quickly. i just want quality stuff that'll last me more than a year or two... i also need more shampoo/conditioner/body wash im running out of all three

but in terms of smaller stuff, a silver the hedgehog plushie would be really nice. or a bunch of high-quality loose paper for using on my typewriter (all i have is sketchbooks and i don't like ripping them apart). maybe a proper dip pen, or a fountain pen with a flexible nib?? that would be really nice. i would also love to have a complete set of splatoon squid cushions, i have three but i would love to have all the colors in the original splatoon 1 run of them! or misc splatoon amiibo i don't have (octolings, squid sisters, the splatoon 3 amiibo)

lemme see. i'd love. fair trade milk chocolate and an actually good tasting alcoholic beverage of some kind.

OH SHIT WAIT, for sonic related stuff, i have a lot of wishes. the retail incentive covers of idw issue 50 i'm still missing from my collection, i'd also just love to own more of the metal virus arc physically, maybe one of the book collection thingies would be nice? i'd just love more physical sonic comics. i'd also love any figurines (not articulated toys though since the sonic franchise ones usually look really bad), a sonic or shadow plushie as well as a silver one, uhh MORE SONIC GAMES would be so cool!!! i'd love to check out the ds or gba sonics :) umm or just. art of my eggys. thats another thing i've been wanting to buy (er, commission) for a while now but art is a luxury and i need. clothes and body wash.

oh man, i've also been wanting a desk easel for a while since leaning down to draw is hell on my neck!! and i've wanted a neutral-to-cool temperature desk lamp so i can actually see yellow pigmented markers when i use them (and take better photos of my traditional art). these kinds of things are what i'm most likely to buy for myself

I CANNOT BELIEVE. I FORGOT. DOLLS. i love dolls of all kinds. barbie, monster high, ESPECIALLY rainbow high!!!, lol omgs.... i absolutely love doll collecting, it's one of my favorite hobbies. just seeing a bunch of cute dolls on my shelf makes me so happy, and considering most of them were gifts, it just reminds me that other people care. yknow? it's nice. i wanna get into doll customization but that ALSO kind of has a monetary gate to it, i'd need a lot of materials and need to practice a lot and i just. can't invest in that kind of thing.

actually scratch everything, if i could choose one (1) absolute miracle for christmas it'd be for my mom to get five million UNTAXED dollars. so she could buy a house and live comfortably for the rest of her life.

but uhh an actually achievable gift is to toss me five bucks on ko-fi so i can learn to drive once spring rolls around. adult driving lessons with accommodations for Brain Complications are expensive. money is honestly what i really need

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Yesterday

Where we last saw our brave heroes, they were deep inside the Mall Mart backrooms, after a noticeable  power outage that may or may not have been caused by my own hubris~

The power outage, however, was not where the day ended. Context is important here, so that you will understand why I am due for a small meeting of sorts. "It's just some classes," they say. "Think of it as reeducation on the core values of Mallmart," 

With determination in my gut, I had stormed the fields of Mallmart that afternoon, heading straight to the heart of the beast- our pharmacy and beauty section. The power outage made this part of the store particularly difficult to manage. Price scanners could not be used during a power outage. Looking up items for customers could not be done during a power outage. Labels could not be made, during a power outage. So places like pharmacies, where there are so many small nearly similar looking bottles of medicines, ointments and vitamins can seem particularly daunting. 

However, this was not the only danger of the pharmacy and beauty section, as if items cannot fully fit on shelves, they go to 'topstock', the space at the very top of the shelf where items could not be reached by customers. This, was always overstuffed in pharmacy. So as I got ready to put a bottle of melatonin in topstock, I almost didn't notice something warm dripping onto my scalp. 

I looked up, and saw pitch black, oozing through the cracks of the skylight of the pharmacy's ceiling. Impossibly dark, making me wonder just what was up there. Did I see a glimpse of something? Hidden inside the dark mass of ooze? And how was it up there in the first place? Would it stay up there festering and if not, how would they get it down? Did it even matter? I felt an arm roughly tug me away from my spot underneath the skylight. "Girl, you smell like roadkill now." Kara stared at me as I blinked owlishly, coming out of my daze. I'm not sure however long I stood under there, trying to decipher the contents that was dripping over me but I was a mess. And indeed, it did smell like roadkill but mostly gasoline.

And, since it was just close enough to the end of shift, I did not get to drive home to get cleaned up. I had to work with the stuff all over me. The posts continued to be dead quiet with no interaction.

The store continued to stay in chaos, a thrumming pulse coming deep from the bowels of Mallmart as I stocked the chemical aisle. 'What have I done, all I wanted was to be popular- I must've done something horrible in a past life to deserve this. No one in the history of being in pain has suffered as much as I, a Mallmart associate covered in black ink has today'

"Shouldn't they keep her in the back where she isn't stinking up the store?" Three young teens talked amongst themselves. "Keep your voice down! I heard that chick is hella weird. She just randomly showed up one day in Niceville-"

"Can I help you?" I ask, turning on my heel to face them. Immediately, two of the three became bashful and shy, but the young girl with long brown hair grinned. "No, but you clearly do. What's your aesthetic? Special ed. barbie?"

"What's your aesthetic? Being a big bitch-"

My eyes locked with my manager's, and I sucked in air as if trying to suck the words back in. My lips pressing together until they turned white-

A Lesson, in talking to customers, with Madame Macabre!

When engaging with an angry customer, should you;

A.) Ask How You Can Better Help Them?

B.) Count to 10 Mississippi In Your Head While Working To Keep Calm

C.) Accept That You Are a Small Spec In The Vast Unending Universe And That Soon You Will Be Dust Along With All Your Problems

Answer; D.) All Of The Above

You should never resort to calling the customers names, because this could deduct Mallmart points from your account! What are Mallmart points?

Mallmart points are points you can collect through hours worked, and diligence. These can be traded in for when you need to take time off, or in this case, when you have a small infraction. 

I was not fired. Instead, they kindly asked me to take the Mallmart reeducation course so I can "better understand Mallmart's values". I am not at the mercy to disclose what Mallmart's reeducation program entails.

Mallmart's reeducation certainly does not involve them taking you out to a shady back alley to hit you with sticks until you promise not to insult customers though.

It's not.

Trust me :)

So, I limped into the breakroom, sitting in a heap at the table, a moan slithering from my lips as I open a can of soda. "That bad, huh?" Taylor from Mallmart asks, her voice wonderfully flat. "I am going to scream, Taylor dear,"

"Don't do that-"

"It's too late, I'm screaming."

"You're just drinking from your soda though-?"

"Internally, Taylor. Internally."

"Oh."