#WHATEVER mobing on

[smal5504]

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT I 💥 HAVE 💥 BEEN 💥 💥 RESCUED 💥SAVEDB💥 SALVATIONED 💥 THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU legal guardians for leaving for aroun ten minutes so i could reach out and BE SAVED!!! SMALPIN IS!!! NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY!!! /GEN!!! RHAHAHSHSHHSHDGSGXZGZGZ /VPOS

[seismicast]

gar gar binks

[certainempatheticturkeymuffin]

Saw a post about Mushang and it's similarities to Liushen, then thought about how interesting it would be to have those in the same fic — then I went down a rabbit hole that included Mobing and Gongzhi (for some reason?)

so... here's this plotbunny, it's really fucking long though, sorry!

(oops, it posted before I finished, sorry about that, it's fixed now!)

-

Shang Qinghua knew, theoretically, that his death would be at the hands of Mobei-jun. He knew that when he saved him, he knew that all these years of serving him, but... it's finally sunk in. That Mobei-jun is going to kill him. That the bruises and frostbite and broken bones are all leading up to his death. He wraps another cut and thinks, somewhat deliriously... that maybe he should've killed Mobei-jun on that mission.

Shen Qingqiu knew his fate — the fate of the Scum Villain. He knew that any goodwill he'd built up was destroyed the moment he pushed Luo Binghe into the Abyss. Knows that all those years of treating him well, only to betray him, may have actually made the situation worse. He thinks back on that day, suddenly realizing that he probably could've made it look like an accident — he could've had Binghe "accidentally" pushed into the Abyss during the chaos, could've faked a Without-A-Cure flare up to excuse his lack of rescue. Maybe, if he'd done that, Binghe would've had mercy.

Their weekly meetings become stilted, their tea goes cold, their snacks uneaten. They don't argue about Airplane's terrible writing, they don't even reminisce over AC or the internet. The air is filled with unease, polluting each of their peaks... until they both snap. They confide in each other, cursing the System, cursing their choices, and try to plan — to dig themselves out of these holes they've dug. The clock is ticking for Binghe's return. Shang Qinghua's wounds are getting worse — he doesn't know if his death will be expedited or delayed at this rate.

And so, they argue and plan and eventually come to a few conclusions...

Shang Qinghua needs the protection of the sect. Needs to confess and beg for Yue Qingyuan's protection as he abandons Mobei-jun. Needs the protection of someone Mobei-jun had no chance of defeating.

Shen Qingqiu, likewise, needs protection — but it's written that Luo Binghe cannot lose, not to anyone in the sect... no one, except for Liu Qingge, who didn't live long enough to fight him, who didn't have a single canonical fight for the world to measure him against. The War God. The one person that wasn't bound by the narrative.

They decide to deal with Shang Qinghua first — Binghe isn't scheduled to leave the Abyss for years, after all. Mobei-jun, however, is a current threat. Every meeting leaves Shang Qinghua with more and more injuries, injuries that the original goods never had to deal with. They don't know if this Mobei-jun is going to follow PIDW's timeline. They don't know how long it'll take before he beats Shang Qinghua to a bloody pulp. After some arguing, it's agreed to come clean to Mu Qingfang first — to test the waters. He's been treating all of Shang Qinghua's wounds since they were disciples, and he'd be good back up if Yue Qingyuan didn't immediately cave to Shen Qingqiu's demands. Of course, Shang Qinghua wouldn't tell the complete truth — no one needed to know that Shang Qinghua spared Mobei-jun because he was hot — but he wouldn't alter the story too much. Better to keep to small lies, easy to keep consistent.

If it goes poorly... they'll just run. They'll abandon the friends and family they've found here, and they'll use whatever plot devices they can find to disguise themselves. The only reason it's not Plan A is because Mobei-jun knows Shang Qinghua's qi signature, and the only artifacts they know that can change qi signatures are... annoying to acquire and dangerous to use.

-

Mu Qingfang isn't surprised when Shang-shixiong shows up with various injuries, absolutely covered in demonic qi. It's routine at this point to sit him down, perform a check up, and ask questions he knows won't be answered. So he does. He heals the cuts and bruises, sets and heals the bones, and does his best to calm the eternally-stressed qi lest his shixiong have a deviation. He asks how this happened, expecting the usual evasive answer (hating that his shixiong is being abused while he does nothing but fix the aftermath), and...

and Shang Qinghua answers.

His shixiong, after years– decades of asking, stutters out an explanation. That he's been a spy for Mobei-jun since that mission where he was the only survivor. That he did it because he was scared, that by the time he was powerful enough to do anything about it, Mobei-jun was a king, and it would probably start a war if he killed him. He says Mobei-jun's been hurting him more often, that he's terrified he's going to die, and Mu Qingfang carefully soothes his shixiong's qi as tears start to fall and he stutters out his plan to team up with Shen-shixiong to tell Zhangmen-shixiong, to beg for forgiveness — for protection, even if it means sitting in a prison cell. He just doesn't want to die.

And in the face of his sobbing shixiong, constantly over-worked and terrified, Mu Qingfang promises to help. Because what else can he do? Turn his back on the shixiong he's been watching slowly fall apart over the decades? The shixiong he's watched go from introverted to downright anxious — the shixiong he's had to pick up and put back together with increasing frequency. Even if he hadn't come clean, Mu Qingfang would've had to have done something soon, with the way the injuries were increasing in severity. He's just glad Shang-shixiong told him first, so they could approach the sect leader together. It wouldn't have been good for his shixiong's stress levels if he'd demanded the sect leader interrogate him to figure out what was going on.

So, the two meet up with Shen Qingqiu and demand a meeting with Yue Qingyuan, who, as always, immediately makes time for Shen-shixiong. Shang Qinghua stutters through his story again, Mu Qingfang regulating his qi, and Shen Qingqiu bringing out a particular icy glare whenever Yue Qingyuan looks like he's going to interrupt. Zhangmen-shixiong's face is carefully blank by the time Shang Qinghua finishes speaking, at which point, Mu Qingfang decides to speak up.

He tells Zhangmen-shixiong of the countless injuries over the decades, of his certainty of their demonic origin, even during that first meeting. He tells the sect leader that if Shang Qinghua is going to be punished for protecting himself, for preventing a war, then he'll need to punish Mu Qingfang too. As a head disciple, he should've reported any suspicious injuries to his shizun, as a Peak Lord, he should've immediately informed Zhangmen-shixiong of Shang Qinghua's continuous injuries and of their suspiciously demonic origin. He says that he has even less of an excuse than Shang Qinghua, who was genuinely afraid for his life and the well-being of his sect. Mu Qingfang simply didn't want to make the situation worse for him, ignoring all rules and expectations that would've had the situation cleared up sooner.

Shen Qingqiu, clearly approving of Mu Qingfang's ardent defense, decides to continue, stating that the sect hasn't experienced an increase in failed missions or other sabotage. He explains that, clearly, Shang Qinghua had been doing his best to protect the sect, even under such strenuous circumstances. He sees no reason to be harsh towards someone who'd been a child when it started, and who was so thoroughly terrified that he only approached Shen Qingqiu, as a friend, because he could see he'd end up dead sooner or later due to the beatings.

Yue Qingyuan lets them all say their piece, and sighs. He sees Shang Qinghua's terror, and he understands both Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu's arguments. He says that this was a breach of trust, that ordinarily this would call for execution, but... Shang Qinghua has not caused harm to the sect, and had he continued, the only harm would've been to himself. As long as Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu are willing to bear the consequences, Yue Qingyuan will allow this to be swept under the rug, never spoken of again.

Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu are quick to agree, and Shang Qinghua's punishment is to update the sect's defense arrays... left unsaid was the expectation that Mobei-jun never be able to enter the sect again. And so, the matter is dealt with, and Shang-shixiong looks like he's had the weight of the world lifted off him once the arrays are complete.

So long as he doesn't leave the sect without a qi-cloaking artifact (courtesy of the Artifact Peak), he'll be safe. Mu Qingfang feels... thrilled, to know his shixiong won't have to suffer anymore.

-

Liu Qingge notices Shen Qingqiu's nerves as he cleanses his meridians. It's an unexpected change of pace, given the dour mood the man's been in for... months, at this point. The session finishes in silence, but there's an air of anticipation that has Liu Qingge... loitering, just a bit.

Eventually, Shen Qingqiu lets out a sigh, pours him tea, and starts to talk — quietly, as if ashamed of his words. He shares that, during the chaos at the end of the Immortal Alliance Concerence, his prized disciple broke a seal. It had been placed on him at birth, presumably by one of his parents, and revealed him to be a heavenly demon. He explains that he panicked at the sight of the seal, understanding what it meant, but his disciple looked just as shocked as him. He understood that his disciple was a demon, that he clearly didn't know that fact, and given the presence of multiple sects and the ongoing catastrophe... his disciple would die, if anyone else stumbled upon him.

Liu Qingge listens, as Shen Qingqiu shares that he pushed his own disciple into the Endless Abyss. His grief makes more sense now, Liu Qingge thinks. It's not just the grief of a teacher losing their favorite student, it's also the guilt of pushing that student into danger, even if it's to protect them. Even he would've hesitated to cut down the disciple, if he'd formed such a bond and the child clearly had no idea what was going on.

They continue sitting in silence, and Liu Qingge is almost ready to leave, before Shen Qingqiu speaks up again. He explains that Luo Binghe was a heavenly demon, and the last one — presumably his father — required the collaboration of multiple sects to seal away. There's a chance that Luo Binghe will survive the Abyss, and escape it.

There's a muted fear in Shen Qingqiu's eyes, as he states there's a chance Luo Binghe will hunt him down. That, given a demon's propensity for overreactions, he may take the entire sect with him. It wasn't like he explained his reasoning, when he pushed the child into the Abyss. All he'd know is that his caring shizun saw he was a demon and immediately pushed him into hell.

And Liu Qingge can understand that fear. Heavenly Demons were strong, too strong for even him to be confident in facing them alone. Even if this one was a child, if it managed to escape the Abyss... it would be too strong for Shen Qingqiu to survive. There's an obvious solution then: train until Shen Qingqiu is strong enough to at least run away.

He says that they'll go on hunts together, so Shen Qingqiu can fight those beasts he knows so much about, to get in practice as they look for any artifact that might help him. He says they'll spar, and he'll even let him face the Bai Zhan disciples for variety. Shen Qingqiu is... reluctant, but quickly realizes that it's probably his best option. With the condition that they return to the sect at least once a month to check on his disciples, he agrees to Liu Qingge's proposal.

They'll both train, and Liu Qingge won't let him out of sight for even a moment — not with a heavenly demon after his head.

-

The months afterwards are... peaceful.

An Ding grows used to the sight of Mu Qingfang, who arrives just before dawn every morning to share breakfast with Shang Qinghua before they must start work. They do each other's hair and gossip, sharing whatever happened the day before as they get ready. Without the constant fear, and with Mu Qingfang's help taming his curls (as the only other one in the sect with curly hair), the sect slowly comes to realize that Shang Qinghua is a total knockout, actually, it was just hidden behind frizzy hair, eyebags, and his constant terrified hunching.

There are still bad days, of course, where Mu Qingfang has to insist he delegate his work to his head disciple, or where Shang Qinghua ends up on Qian Cao in the middle of the night having a panic attack, but... they're growing rarer as time passes. Qian Cao learns to turn their heads when Shang Qinghua arrives with an early shipment or unexpected, expensive goods. They learn to mind their business when they see him comfort their Shizun after a particularly challenging day.

It doesn't really surprise anyone when they start courting. The only surprise is that Shang Qinghua is the one that started it, but even that is less shocking now than it would've been the year before. An Ding is happy that their shifu finally looks safe and healthy (he actually stops working at a reasonable hour now, even if it is still after sunset), and Qian Cao is glad their shizun has someone of his own to vent to (given the stress of his job and the various struggles that come with it).

As for Qing Jing, they're absolutely thrilled that their shizun isn't moping anymore. The loss of Binghe hit them hard too, but seeing Shen Qingqiu make the effort to go on hunts made it easier for them to move on too. They miss him, when he's gone, but he always returns with treats from various villages, and a week's worth of stories and lessons to impart. He's even compiled his own bestiary! Ning Yingying has taken to giving Liu Qingge sweets as a thank you for helping her shizun, and Ming Fan grows more comfortable in his old role as head disciple, with how his shizun actually sees him and compliments him, rather than missing Binghe. The Bamboo House is still... a very hard place to be. Without Shizun, it's empty, and even with his recovery, the vacant room seems to bring back his grief.

Seeing this, Qing Jing is both relieved and absolutely pissed when Liu Qingge offers up his spare room instead. Shen Qingqiu accepts, and it's become common for him to join the Bai Zhan disciples in their morning exercises before returning to teach on Qing Jing. They are, understandably, absolutely pumped to have another Peak Lord around to fight (on top of their own being around more often! Shifu teaches them more! And is he getting better at it? What miracles!)

They settle into a routine, and, though it takes an unexpectedly long time, they announce their courting to Yue Qingyuan, who looks both heartbroken and extremely happy for them. Qing Jing gives Liu Qingge a surprisingly scary shovel talk (though he's mostly amused, he respects their dedication), but are overall very happy that their shizun is happy. Bai Zhan is just cheering that another Peak Lord has basically taken up permanent residence, since Shen Qingqiu stays in Liu Qingge's house rather than the bamboo house. They enjoy the unique challenge he gives, and some of the braver ones tell their shifu that he better treat him right or they'll try to take him for themselves (he went particularly hard on them after that, but they had zero regrets — Shen-shibo is a catch after all!)

Meanwhile, Mobei-jun is... frustrated and heartbroken. He can no longer enter Cang Qiong Sect, and he can no longer find Shang Qinghua's qi signature. He doesn't know why — was Shang Qinghua caught? Is he dead? Why else would he just... randomly leave? He's stuck with Mobei-jun for decades, why would he leave now? What was the catalyst? Was he truly so uncomfortable with Mobei-jun's courting? Why wouldn't he just say so!?

The questions leave him angry and frustrated, with no way to get answers. It's only after he enters Luo Binghe's service (an embarrassing loss — would he have done better with Qinghua's advice?) that he finally gets... something of an answer. A potential explanation.

Luo Binghe has no friends in the demon realm, trusts absolutely no one, but he's still a kind person. When he sees that Mobei-jun is frustrated, all it takes is that curly haired boy (a face so similar to Qinghua's) asking for all the questions to come spilling out. Whether it takes hours or minutes, Mobei-jun doesn't know, all he remembers is the lesson from that conversation:

Humans court differently. Constant physical bombardment is known as abuse.

And Mobei-jun is sick.

He hurt Qinghua. He drove away the one man that stuck with him through everything, just because he couldn't be bothered to double check that his courting would be understood. According to Luo Binghe... it was a miracle Shang Qinghua hadn't left sooner. And the worst part? Mobei-jun can't right this wrong. He can't explain himself. Because Cang Qiong has new wards, and Shang Qinghua has figured out how to make himself thoroughly disappear, even though Mobei-jun does receive word when the Peak Lord is spotted during a trade deal. He can't get Qinghua back. There's nothing he can do.

So he stays by Luo Binghe's side. His curly hair, his similar face... these days, Mobei-jun curses himself for not digging into Shang Qinghua's history. For this boy is an orphan, a street rat, and now it would be near impossible to find out his true relation to Shang Qinghua, given that no one knew which humans Tianlang-jun had bed. It doesn't truly matter, whether he is a cousin, brother, or nephew, Mobei-jun will right his wrongs through Shang Qinghua's kin, unable to reach the man himself.

-

When Luo Binghe leaves the Demon Realm, he goes to Huan Hua, and things progress pretty much as they did in canon, with Shen Qingqiu running, absolutely fucking terrified, being force fed blood, and agreeing to be held in the Water Prison to avoid blowback on the sect. Only difference is that Liu Qingge tried to kill LBH, which almost caused an incident with Huan Hua, because no one believed he was a demon. In the water prison, Luo Binghe sees... a ring. He knows his shizun never wore that before, so he asks about it. Not wanting to put Liu Qingge in even more danger, Shen Qingqiu stays silent.

Gongyi Xiao helps Shen Qingqiu escape, and things continue to progress. When Liu Qingge squares up to fight Luo Binghe, he notices him wearing a ring, threaded onto a necklace, and so similar to Shen Qingqiu's. It doesn't take him long to process the fact that his beloved shizun is... already taken.

By Liu fucking Qingge.

He's thoroughly pissed off, he goes to attack, but pauses when he sees his shizun grip Liu-shishu tightly, shaking like a leaf. He looks like he's preparing to take his husband and run. The thought is... off-putting. Because Liu Qingge is the War God of Bai Zhan Peak. Why doesn't Shizun have faith in the man he married?

So he asks.

And Shen Qingqiu doesn't answer.

Liu Qingge still hasn't relaxed, ready to attack at any moment, and Luo Binghe is running out of patience.

"If Shizun finds this demon despicable enough to throw into the Abyss, he should let his husband kill it."

"That's not why he did it."

Liu Qingge's words throw him off balance. He expected the man to be shocked, hearing that his loving husband had done such a thing (maybe cause a rift in their relationship), he expected, maybe, to be attacked for being so disrespectful.

Liu Qingge then explains, because Shen Qingqiu is terrified into silence.

And Luo Binghe is crushed. Shizun threw him into the Abyss... to save him? Shizun was scared for his safety?

And suddenly Luo Binghe feels sick, when he remembers what he's done. How he hurt Shizun, who was too scared to answer. Who just wanted to protect him, only to realize later that he wasn't thinking straight — that his words were twisted in his effort to get Luo Binghe into the safest place possible in that moment: the Endless Abyss. The shizun that believed in his capabilities enough to be afraid that he'd come seeking revenge.

The fight drains out of him, Liu Qingge doesn't relax, but Shen Qingqiu behind him looks just the slightest bit more curious than terrified. Luo Binghe pulls out a note, written from Mobei-jun to Shang Qinghua, and drops it onto the roof. "This disciple apologizes to Shizun. Please ensure this message gets to Shang-shishu." He uses Xin Mo to teleport to a different roof, staying just long enough to see Liu Qingge hand the note to Shen Qingqiu, who collapsed bonelessly into his side.

He goes to the Northern Desert, rather than the Southern Kingdom. He arrives in the sitting area of Mobei-jun's quarters, and plops himself into a seat. He thinks, and thinks, and he's feeling absolutely awful by the time Mobei-jun arrives. He takes one look at Luo Binghe's disheveled state, and takes the seat next to him.

They talk.

Mobei-jun is a surprisingly comforting presence. He'd always listened and offered advice, but Luo Binghe didn't think he'd have the patience for talking him through... whatever the hell this is. Heartbreak? He isn't sure.

It helps though, and Luo Binghe feels much lighter. Mobei-jun had already promised to never darken Cang Qiong's doorstep, to never go anywhere near Shang Qinghua again, after what he'd done... Luo Binghe would just have to do the same. Even if all he wanted was to go back to Qing Jing, to his room in the Bamboo House... but Shizun is married now, there's no way he'd allow Luo Binghe to stay there permanently.

So he just... stays in the Demon Realm. He's an emperor now, surely Shizun wouldn't want him neglecting that duty? And even if he would've liked Shizun's advice... Mobei-jun would have to do. He had experience, and he's been nothing but helpful. Decision made, Luo Binghe embraces his status as the Demon Emperor, and gives it his full attention.

Without him, Shen Qingqiu's trial falls apart, even as the Palace Master accuses Liu Qingge of killing Luo Binghe. There's not enough concrete evidence for Shen Qingqiu's crimes, and the character defenses from the sect and his husband all speak louder than Qiu Haitang's slander. Even if Liu Qingge was in extremely hot water with Huan Hua, they couldn't prove he'd done anything either.

Shen Qingqiu delivers Mobei-jun's note to Mu Qingfang, asking him to be there when Shang Qinghua read it, because who knew what was in it. He agrees, and they read it as soon as possible, to get it over with.

It's an apology, with an explanation of their different cultures and a promise to never bother him again. It's a promise to right his wrongs through Luo Binghe, who he assumes to be related to Shang Qinghua through the boy's mother. It's short and blunt, and Shang Qinghua is... conflicted. He loves Mu Qingfang, and honestly, couldn't even dream of a life without him, but... Mobei-jun was his dream man. Thinking like that... perhaps it was for the best that they didn't end up together. The reality could never live up to the expectation.

More importantly, is him remembering his half-sister in this life: Xi-jie. Who had suddenly cut contact with him completely, and who he'd never managed to track down afterwards, not having known her full name. Shang Qinghua is crushed, to realize the protagonist was that close to being given a better life. Had Su Xiyan managed to contact him at any point, he would've taken her son in in a heartbeat. Mu Qingfang consoles him, and they decide, jointly, that it was for the best if he didn't pursue that relationship. Not with Mobei-jun promising to stick by the boy, and not with the way he'd treated Shen Qingqiu.

And everyone just... moves on with their lives.

Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua are happy together; they have three kids that get absolutely spoiled by their disciples, and they take care of each other, ensuring neither overworks too severely. Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu, without the threat of Binghe's return hanging over them, relax more. They enjoy peaceful days with the Qing Jing disciples, they have fun jointly beating up the Bai Zhan disciples and teaching them new moves, and their hunts aren't nearly as battle-focused as they were before, giving Shen Qingqiu a chance to study the beasts rather than immediately going to fight them.

Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun are rarely apart and treat each other as equals in all things. They value the other's advice when implementing policies, and they will each jump to the other's defense, whether it be physically or through words. It surprises absolutely no one when their affair is found out — at first a convenient way to control Xin Mo, eventually morphing into a proper relationship. They're the rulers of the demon realm, they need not abide by the rules, but... Luo Binghe enjoys planning the wedding, and Mobei-jun can't deny him that, even if it meant dealing with the paperwork of technically merging the two kingdoms but also not. Their broken hearts have long been mended by each other, and it's no surprise when they have six children, close-knit and loving, like the family they wished they'd had sooner.

-

Tianlang-jun rotted away, despite Zhuzhi-lang's best efforts. His last act was to give Zhuzhi-lang enough energy to sustain his human form indefinitely. He is purposeless, and alone, and he sits beside his uncle's corpse for far longer than he should have. There's nothing left for him, not with his uncle gone.

So he exits the cave, and he sits under a tree, out in the open. He is very clearly a demon within Huan Hua territory, so it wouldn't take long for a cultivator to stumble upon him and put him out of his misery. Sure enough, in the middle of his patrol, Gongyi Xiao sees a snake demon just... sitting there. He doesn't look hostile, nor does he look like he's going to move.

He also just... looks kinda pathetic.

So, Gongyi Xiao makes a decision. He can't, in good conscience, leave it there. If he does, and it attacks someone, that's his fault. He also can't just kill it if it's not even doing anything. So he decides to... initiate conversation.

It takes a while for Zhuzhi-lang to bother properly responding, but once he does, they get along quite well. He shares stories about his and his uncle's journies through the human realm, reminiscing as he starts to process his grief. Gongyi Xiao decides, maybe this demon isn't that bad actually, and before they know it, it's sun down and Gongyi Xiao is very late.

They meet daily, with Gongyi Xiao taking on more patrols than usual to make sure his demon is doing alright. Eventually, though, pieces of Zhuzhi-lang's story start to... click. They conflict with things he's been told by his shizun. Maybe Zhuzhi-lang is misremembering in his grief, but... he's concerned enough to start investigating on his own.

He finds a lot of dirt on the Old Palace Master, most of it completely unrelated to Su Xiyan, which is what he was actually trying to investigate. Eventually, he grows so disgusted with the sheer amount of crimes the old man has committed that he decides to just... start a coup. He's well-liked, so it's easy enough to get people on his side — it's even easier when he starts spreading rumors and has all of the man's misdeeds printed into a fairly popular book (more than a few publishing houses were burned down because of it, oops). He didn't... intend to replace the old man, but that's what happened and, hey, now he can bring his demon home and no one can fight him over it, yes sect leaders, he's perfectly sane, thank you.

Zhuzhi-lang learns that he's just as attracted to competence and beauty as Tianlang-jun, he just prefers his with a side of kindness rather than tsundere. He also finds it incredibly funny that everyone just... pointedly ignores his presence. A demon he may be, but their sect leader wanted him there, so there he would stay. The whole scenario brings to mind the forbidden romances his uncle loved to read about. As he settles in, watching Gongyi Xiao overhaul Huan Hua Palace and all its greedy rules, he thinks his uncle would want to see how this story ends.

-

AND THAT'S IT! My wrists hurt and i accidentally posted before it was done, lmao, but yeah. Feel free to write this, I feel like I'd start it and never finish lol

[gem-de-lune]

Vibe Check

Eunseok

The Lovers + Knave of Pentacles + 3 of Pentacles

He is doing very well. He's relaxed. There's some insistent group level communication going on atm that may indicate preparation and collaboration of some sort. So preparing for a CB maybe? Just in early stages OR just in concept talks/being shown possible tracks, etc... this also has something acutely to do with the current situation of course, and I think there is some sort of group endeavor or effort to pull something off here. It's giving ragtag team but with good guidance.

Seunghan

The Wheel + 5 of Pentacles

He is doing Meh but is putting on a good face atm. What you will notice as we go through these individual reads is that he is not seeing something the others are- which leads me to believe that whatever this ragtag plan is, he has little to nothing to do with it and that is likely on purpose to protect him- but he may be feeling ostracized due to this bc he cannot contribute or be involved- likely for legal reasons. Since he is kind of just paying attention to how he feels left out, again- I love this 5 of Pentacles bc whatever cards you pull next to it tells the story. He is kind of a bit negative rn but failing to see that this is just the wheel turning its course- most likely into an upright position. Like he fails to see that everything is being set up for a good outcome and it is just taking time. Of course- he does know this deep down- but as we all have our emotional off days- he is just having that.

Anton

Knight of Wands + 3 of Chalices + King of Wands

So again- Anton has a similar vibe to Eunseok but just a lot more active and excited in a....young way. Like childlike. Very Aries coded. With the Knight there is clear intent towards moving forward to a goal, and this will be done in a gregarious group. Again- giving ragtag team. And AGAIN with the King popping up- they have good guidance (could be from the woman helping the. we speak abt often- whom I have mentioned Anton in particular looks up to a lot for support). Like Eunseok, he is in a good state atm. Very healthy and energetic.

SM current energy

The Chariot + The Hermit + 6 of Chalices

This is VERY interesting. Your girl gasped when this popped out. The consensus is there is a lot of internal fishing being done to cut out what has been holding them back to mobe forward. Ofc- this Chariot does not pop out when I am reading for this situation unless it is specifically regarding OT7 Riize. I think there is finally a big enough shift in the higher ups perception of the situation to warrant serious talks. I pulled the 6 of Chalices for clarification on if this meant something good about Seunghan's return to the group- which is a yes. This is a nostalgic card. In this context I would say it is looking back on the past fondly...because it showed up in a pull with the chariot and hermit- it is "thinking of returning to the past". It's a very positive omen and very powerful energy due to the 2 major arcana here.

Current Plan (Progress)

The Emperor + King of Pentacles + 6 of Pentacles

See this is interesting again. This confirms the earlier pulls for Eunseok and Anton. Right now someone at the forefront is running the show like crazy. This is the busiest they've ever been because things are beginning to produce results in the physical realm. I pulled 6 of pentacles to clarify about the producers and songwriters who were suddenly viewing and liking stories- to clarify is this was a part of the plan, which I would say that yes it kiiinda is but not specifically- it just ended up that way in a broad sense. It is like those people extending their support quietly.

SMTOWN Concert

9 of Pentacles + The Tower [Queen of Swords]

Some people were asking about what to expect during the SMTown concert. This is very "two sides of a coin" to me. We have the women facing each other in the 9 of Pentacles and the Tower. One is satisfied and the other is devastated. The one who is devastated may be louder or just more jarring and disruptive. This is indicative of our current situation within the fandom, I think. Either side will feel like a winner or loser. I pulled the Queen here to ask which side it would be- and I personally view this as the OT💩 side because the Queen of Swords is a card I have pulled for them before in my reading where I did "how Riize feels abt OT💩 vs OT7" and when the queen is in her negative state she is needlessly ruthless and unempathetic- causing a lot of harm to others through strategic plans and foul self serving intentions. So there is that. I think the event will bring a lot of divisiveness if anything at all, even if it isn't OT💩 vs OT7.

Bottom of the Deck

7 of Wands + 4 of Wands

This is kinda reiterating what we know from the reading. There is some kind of group effort for push through and persevere here. It's feeling like a reunification of sorts. The effort to show how successful it is has been very positively received by the intended audience (SM higher ups and C5) to the point where pushback is very minimal. It is more about laying the groundwork and coming up with a plan all can agree to in order to proceed without letting the same things happen yet again. One thing SM will not allow- is for the same thing to happen where they have to be embarrassed the same exact way. Their pride has been hurt too much for that to transpire again. So they will reatreat inward and thoroughly ensure to double down no matter which path they choose.

[naehja]

ok ok imagine (prompt svsss, free for adoption)

The ending is here. The wedding BingQiu is about to happen.

Except the system decides to be a bitch.

[User! Congratulation. Congratulation. Congratulation.]

"What?"

[You reach the more or less happy ending. \(^o^)/)

"more or less?"

[It could have been better User :/]

"so why do you want"

[You have succeeded to the quest. You did what you need to did]

"And?"

[You can return home now =)]

"WHAT?"

[I lied when i said you were dead in your world, to force you stay. Sorry User ^^" In fact only three hours have passed in your world, you have just passed out.]

"What do you mean?"

[You can return home. Horray \^o^/]

"But what will happen here?"

[The body will be given back to his rightful owner! =)]

"Wait…This scum will have everything i won?"

[So rude user >_< you have seen his past]

"but he doesn't love Binghe"

[The world doesn't turn around the protagonist.]

"he doesn't love Binghe"

[That's not my problem user!!]

"But i made a life here! I want to stay!"

[That body has never been your, User.]

"He killed Liu Qingge in the original"

[Nope :P He didn't]

"But the wedding. I want to stay here. Please."

[So user is happy to take the life of someone else?]

"And what about Airplane?"

[Author was here since the birth of his body, it has always been his body!]

"I refuse!!"

[Not my problem User! è_é]

"I don't want!"

[Fine user, then you'll not remember!]

And Shen Yuan wakes up in his old room, after have apparently passed out because he had eat bad food.

Meanwhile.

Shen Jiu wakes up. His memories are fuzzy. He panicks when he sees someone in his bed. REALLY panicks.

"Shizun?"

IT'S ONE OF HIS STUDENTS oOo?

LUO BINGHE (EWWW)?

Wait…Luo Binghe wasn't 14?

Everyone panicks because he has years of memories who vanished? He has some flashs but doesn't say it.

Binghe thinks that he wedding should still happen. "he will have his memories back at a point!"

Cang Qiong is like "NO? He doesn't remember being in love with you!"

Binghe tries to win over Shen Qingqiu again, brings back medicals things against amnesia, but the poor guy is kinda traumatized, doesn't feel safe in his home, feels dirty because he feels his body has been used against his will to do some...things…he runs to Liu Qingge and asks him "WTF is happening Shidi?"

Strangely he remembers saving Lu Qingge.

And thinks that Qingge = safety

Liu Qingge is really annoyed to see Shen Jiu being harceled like that.

Everyone remember that Shen Qingqiu seemed have changed after this QI deviation years ago, seemed to lose memories, and now he seems have those memories back but not the ones from the time where he was different?

so what if it was really a possession? But he could use his sword!

Binghe doesn't take it well. And all his attempts are not well receveid by Shen Jiu. Who doesn't feel safe with him.

At a point, a mysterious aterfact from demon world reveals that Shen Jiu's soul was "asleep" for all those years since this famous QI deviation. So that "something" take over for all this time. Something who knows things and used it to pretend being him.

Liu Qingge: I KNEW IT (wait it means that Shen QingQiu would have really saved me if it had been him?)

Yue Qingyuan: I'm sorry Luo Binghe but then…the wedding can't happen.

Binghe doesn't take it well. And tries a lot of thing. but Cang Qiong is now very protective of Shen Jiu. And whatever Binghe does, Shen Jiu stays the same. And becomes close of Liu Qingge.

Shang Qinghua:what the fuck system?

[Don't worry author, you'll stay in this world =)]

"it's not what i mean"

[Everyone deserves a happy ending]

"it's Binghe who will have not one now"

[we'll not always have what we want!]

Later

Shang Qinghua: my king, don't you think that Binghe became unstable?

Mobei-Jun: *sarcastic* ho REALLY? it's a fucking nightmare!

Shang Qinghua: Do you know about this plant who, when made into a certain potion, can turn someone into a baby while erasing all his memories? So they can start over a new life?

Mobei-Jun:

Mobei-Jun: interesting.

Few weeks later, Cang Qiong receives the new that Luo Binghe has been turned into a baby during a experiment.

Cang Qiong: WTF?

Shen Jiu: I fucking warn you, i'm not taking him as disciple AGAIN!

Liu Qingge: Yeah he stays away of our sect! (and of Shen Qingqiu)

Shang Qinghua: that was…weird!

[Author! Congratulation. Congratulation. Congratulation. Now that's a happy ending. Binghe can have a better childhood]

Shang Qinghua:

[That's your son, take your responsabilities!]

Shang Qinghua: Keeping him away of my scum son i guess :/ I can find him good parents. Mobei-jun can take care of him i guess. And what about Cumcumber bro?

[back in his world ^^]

"…Yes i knows that but..."

[lasbiarez]

"Is everyone ready for my Orphan's Path x Wansho crossover post?" I ask a crowd of one. It's me, I'm the crowd

The greatest joy if being an artist is I can draw whatever I want and no one can stop me. So have this, orp and prsk enjoyers:

Their love language is inventions, act of service, and gift gifting

Reasons why Wilbur and Rui are actually the same person: unnecessarily dramatic, tall, long coat wearer, atrocious fashion sense, has at least an underlining theme associated with greed and desires, self haters, silly, had no friends at school because they are built different

Techno gets to have another loud friend, as a treat. Thankfully Tsukasa is obsessed with theatre and making other people smile, not discs

Imagine them walking down a street together and getting mobed because of the sheer amount of charisma in them. naturally approachable vs naturally attracts attention

Two most annoying people alive and their responsible-ish best friends

Otori Emu effect (ignore the fact i forgor to add their scars on the second panel djskdk)

Read Orphan's Path pls I beg of you it's so good:

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

I don't know why but lately I feel like I almost always gravitate towards wildly unpopular ships for some reason

Fukimei caught on for a while and that was nice. But before vampire AU there was very little of it, and nowadays it's hard to find.

Then again... I nearly stopped liking mobely altogether when it got popular because I felt everyone was writing it so wildly out of character, so maybe I'm considering the wrong angle... do I just have unusual interpretations?

Or is it Hi3's fandom in particular that annoys me and I just dislike whatever twitter likes???

[imscaredexe]

Please just fucking come back. I'll be a good girl. I'll be anyrhing you want me to be. I'll change into whatever the fuck you want. Just please god come back. I can't fucking do this without you. Please I can't cucking do this. Love me again pleasr fucking god pleaae love me again. I'll fuckong beg until I lose my voice. I'll be anything you want. Just come back. Please. I can't do this. I can't do this without you. You were everything to me. K dk't want to mobe on. I don't want to move on from you. You were everything to me. Come back. Please come back. Please god I can't fucking do this withoit yoj

"Never loved properly"

I was...and I don't have that anymore.

I really miss you. I'll cling to that hope we get back together one day.

Even if...it takes forever.

[icewindandboringhorror]

still always get so irrationally angry when a website changes their layout to be more “mobile friendly” in a way that literally makes everything more convoluted, obnoxious to navigate (overly simplified, everything turns into small bubble icons or is hidden away in tiny menus that only make sense for phone use, options that used to be there are now gone so they don’t take up space, etc. etc.).. like.. didn’t it used to be a thing to have BOTH a desktop and a mobile version of a site???  WHY must you merge everything???? if I wanted to view this website on a phone I WOULD BE VIEWING IT ON A PHONE, wouldn’t I??? perhaps there are.... REASONS people prefer desktop browsing.. (text processing, etc.).. pERHAPS this makes everything WORSE actually ..

[straykats]

update: genuinely do not remember how long its been since i posted this but i.. didnt think i would be taking a break for as long as i have? or its just felt like a long time.

Not writing and not being actuve here makes me feel a little weird and unproductive (as if i actually wrote) and it doesnt sit well with me buti also just dont have it in me (the energy, the mindset, idk how to explain it) to be here right now? not that ive had bad experiences - i absolutely love being here. but ive just been feeling really worm out and on.. the shakier side of things and i know i dont owe u guys excuses or anything (although i probably do owe an explanation or apolpgy to all those who have reqs sitting in my inbox) but i.. idk i feel the need to, even though i cant say anuthing good. anyways, hopefully i'll be back. see you guys then, i guess.

hi i think its pretty obvious but im taking a break from tumblr but i'll still reply to msgs and asks and stuf. just thought i'd post this so people know im not gone forever or anything and i will be here again when i feel better. take care, everyone ♡

[hxnmantii]

Draken and Naoto comforting their s/o

tw: fluff

Requested by: @cryingblueogre

A/n: I’m really nervous posting this ngl since this is my first time actually posting for Tokyo Revengers as well writing a drabble so creative criticism would be very much appreciated! Reblogs are appreciated! I hope you enjoy!

tagging: @kazutoraholic

Draken (Ken Ryuguji)

Rain was a natural indication, encouragement to stay and cuddle with the person you love but it had the opposite effect on you, seemingly pushing you further into your unforgiving head. You stare at your computer in a daze, a mass of considerable useless information flowing past your eyes and ears as your attention is really focused on your cruel thoughts. Of course Draken noticed, he always did. He noticed the little sighs, and the dark circles, the new over/under sleeping schedule and the constant “I’m fine” s. He noticed all of that and trusted that with time and patience, you would come talk to him. But today, right now, It was very apparent that you were not going to, so Draken had taken initiative to “ask” about it. He treads lightly to your sitting figure, draping himself along your back like a cover before kissing your forehead softly. His arms tighten around your waist essentially pulling you closer to his chest so he can put his head in the crook of your shoulder and rub your tummy. You hum, acknowledging his presence but other than that you sit in silence, a comfortable norm for you guys. He sighs softly. “Whatever’s happening right now, whatever you’re going through, just know you’re not alone. I'm here with you so let me help you.” He says softly. One hand interlaces with yours, the other grabbing your chin so he can place a sweet kiss on your lips, hoping that it conveys how much he loves you.

The kiss took your breath as does all of Draken’s kisses and with the pitter patter of the rain, it felt as if you were melting in his embrace, fully soaking in his abundance of love and trust for you. But as soon as he pulled away, the day dreamlike state disappeared and you were brought back to reality of your current problems on this dumb computer. “Thank you for worrying about me but honestly i’m okay, Ken so don’t worry about me.” He stays silent for a couple of minutes before moving back and standing up, walking away to whatever. The lack of warmth really makes you realize that even the love of your life couldn't possibly understand what you were going through, a fact that only made you feel more alone. You wrap your arms around yourself and continue to look at the computer screen when a cup slams down next to you. You look up to see Draken holding his old cardigan and a cover, dropping it on the couch behind you and crouching to your level.

“Is everything on this computer backed up?” he asked

“Yea why-”

He slams the screen shut before you can even finish your sentence, chucking it into you guys’ bedroom.You look at him with a frown on your face. “Can you not? Break my laptop please?” He ignores you, placing his cardigan on you. His smell fills your nose and makes you at ease. Draken picks you up before flopping on the couch, setting you up comfortably on his chest before he once again wraps his arms around you, dragging a cover over your body. His smell, his warmth, his strength, the effort he puts in to make you comfortable, you can't help the smile that adorns your face as you snuggle closer to this chest.“You had that same expression,,,,,you don’t think I would understand what you’re going through. I might not but how do you know if you wont tell me? We’re supposed to be in this together, aren’t we? Let me help you.”

“Thank you Kenny. I will tomorrow, okay?”

“Yea, that’s fine but for now relax, sleep, play on your phone, I don't really care what you do but you’re not leaving until you feel better.” he says, not knowing that you were already feeling x10 better thanks to him.

Naoto Tachibana

Y/n, I’m home”

Naoto walks through the door, briefcase in one hand and cup of barely warm coffee. He looks around, expecting a vibrant you to be mobing him at the door with a smile brighter than the sun like you usually do. He sets down his belongings and walks briskly to the bedroom, a strong sense of worry feeling his chest. It only gets stronger when he sees that you haven’t moved from the curled up position he left you in, 7 hours ago. He sits down by your side and gently rubs up and down your arm. “Y/n, love what’s wrong? Are you okay? What happened?” You groan and roll over, away from him. He was too loud and you didn’t need him judging you over your problems, not that he ever actually did so but your thoughts were cruel.

“I’m fine, baby. Don’t worry about it.” You can feel him get off of the bed so you close your eyes and pull the cover over your head to fall deeper into your thoughts. Except he doesn’t accept this answer and walks around the bed to face you again. You feel his presence without him having to say anything and peek from the comforter to see your boyfriend hovering over you, arms crossed and a frown on his face. “Naoto what’s wrong? I said I was okay?”

“You can’t fool me y/n, you’ve been in the same spot since I left for work. C’mon get up.”

“No” you say, throwing the comforter back over your head. Your dark, warm coven suddenly gets a lot brighter when Naoto rips the blanket off your body. “You play too much, give it back.

“I’m serious. Let’s go take a walk, it’s nice outside and i've doubt you’ve eaten so we can just get something while we’re out.” You groan again but nonetheless get up, swinging your legs over the bed and putting on the first clean pair of clothes you can find. He’s already by the door with his hand held out, an invitation to hold hands. As soon as your hands connect, you guys are out the door and into the fresh air. At first you guys walk in silence, the first goal on his mind is to find you something to eat and when that’s checked off the list, he’s finding a bench right in front of the sunset. He’s not the funniest person, he knows this but he tries to tell you stories of this little blonde kid who used to be obsessed with handshakes to the point where he had accidentally held his hand, reaching for his sisters. His objective wasn’t necessary to divert from the main subject at hand but to make you more relaxed to talk about what’s been bothering you although his heart still soars with pride when he sees you let out a little smile.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” he says, his eyes filled with uncensored adoration and a slight tint on his cheeks. He turns his attention to the sunset although he’s very conscious of your reactions and movements. “I’m worried about you. I know lately, it seems as if life, itself, has been against you but it gets better, I promise. There’ll be a time in the future where you’ll be happy and successful and you’ll look back at this stage of your life and realize you were worrying for nothing. So trust the process and focus on your goal, love. It will work out, it always does.” he places a soft kiss against your hand before interlacing them once again before sitting in silence, a comfortable silence. In that moment, you were not only able to soak in the sun’s ray but his unconditional love and respect for you. “Thank you, Naoto.” you whisper. He doesn't respond but you see the little smile on his.

[ilhoonftw]

i began to think those 'feel-good hoarder clean ups' gotta be super enabling. because if the person with hoarding disorder doesn't get proper help beyond just 'let's tidy your space!' they are going to repeat patterns. hoarding is not about being messy or disorganized, there are many factors that cause it, be it trauma, loneliness or paranoia. also if the hoarder keeps animals or happens to live with someone else, especially kids... that's abuse. there are power dynamics at play, often the abusive hoarder appears "normal" to outside - clean clothes, well-grommed, well-adjusted. who would've know! and when they describe their situation, they often tend to be manipulative and act like 'oh i have depression, i'm in a bad spot' when in reality they have been refusing to change and improve their living situation, even for the sake of kids. my own father would promise me 'oh i will create a perfect room for you!' for years, but it was all lies. i lived in tiny space shared with my insufferable sister and the moment i mobed out, he filled that already full of trash room with more stuff... right now you can't even enter it. the photos are simply appaling. it's EVERYTHING hazard out there, on hoarding scale strong level 5. and even if the parent seriously wants to get better, what they did to their loved ones is still terrible, even if they meant "no harm". you are putting someone in an awful situation because of your disorder? and it's never just clutter. there's impulsive spending, constantly telling your s/o 'we have no money' while you're buying whatever you want all the time, not letting anyone throw anything out, going through trash bags.......

[dracolunae]

It’s 2022 for me now, and everyone seems to be doing sappy posts appreciating people, so I want to do so too! Happy New Year everyone!!!!

@inkedmyths ink you’re the only non-mcyt friend/mutual on this list but you are such a cool person whom I appreciate a lot! Your art is so cool and I really appreciate your passion for your interests, and the fact that we share so many interests, mostly by chance!

@maybewren callum you are such a wonderful co-mod and friend, and I hope we can develop even more as friends in this next year of 2022! You go through so much but I want you to know that you are an awesome person, who deserves the world!

@geoguessbur mia geoguessbur my beloved! <3 you are such a wonderful and lovely person, and I am always delighted to see you, whether that be occasionally in chat or anytime you post. You are an awesome update mod and an enrichment to us all! I wish you lots of Lovejoy and Wilbur content, and that everything goes well with your new apartment and move! I also hope that you can find an amazing girlfriend, you deserve one <3

@angeloncewas my beloved angel!! You are such a great person to talk to and discuss with. I don’t do so often, but it is always incredibly interesting to read your insights into discussions that are brought to you! You are such an amazingly positive person and I wish you a happy time simping for Dream (/j)

@tittyblade Rolan!!! My beloved Lesbian Robert Downey Junior!! If this were twitch chat I’d be yelling at you, but alas, no emotes on tumblr. You are such a nice and funny person and I wish many friendly cats upon you.

@technobladeisgreat my beloved arah <3 you are always so incredibly nice to me and I love just chatting about techno and whatever else interests us! I wish you lots of love and joel content.

@rev-pirate rev!!! You are so knowledgeable in Techno facts and such a cool dude!! I really enjoy hearing your insights into Techno and his history and you seem like such a nice dude! I hope you don’t have to miss a single Techno stream this year!!

@technoplane goat! :] I love hearing about your interests! I’m always fascinated when you start talking about Skyblock and Minecraft lore and all other interests you have and it’s always a delight when you post art!! I hope you have a great year and that things work out for as best they can.

@maple-maps Maps!! King!! My beloved!! *Gives you a hug and a pat on the head.* You are so lovely and I am delighted every time i see you in the notes. You have such a gorgeous artstyle and I am always in awe whenever you post your art! I wish you a wonderful 2022 and that you find joy in whatever you do!

@tokkytikky Tokky I adore your art, you have genuinely one of my favourite Techno designs, if not my favourite! Also your crow chat designs give me life, they are such cute and round little blobs with eyes!! I wish you lots of inspiration and that you can always do whatever you’re passionate about!

@queerbur-soot crimson! You have been such a lovely help occasionally with techno updates and I really appreciate it!! You also have some very lovely art, I adore your Technobunny!! I wish you nothing but the best!!

@froggxxam frog :] we haven’t been mutuals all that long but you seem like a really nice person!! Just wanted to send you some appreciation :D

And all my beloved friends in early gang and chill chat:

@penguinpal9000 @philza-fucking-minecraft @soitrash @skylerwolf128 @mmirandyy @soobrmooth @fandoms-are-for-always @articsnow @raiain (beloved traitor and artist <3) and everyone else who doesn’t have a tumblr KEKW. Lobe you all so mobe!! PEGS and Chill Chat mean so much to me, and I’ve had such a blast being there this year. I hope it’ll continue until the next new year!

I’ll probably get sappy in chat and in chill chat dc later, but this post is mostly for appreciating the mainly tumblr frens and mutuals!

[writeforfandoms]

Hi Jen! I'm new to your amazing writing (just got killed stone dead by The Voice!) and I look forward to diving into your Masterlist.

Any particular fic of yours that you can recommend I try or one that has a special place in your heart?

🧡🧡🧡🧡

Hi Ani!! 💖💖

Okay first of all:

I am so so thrilled and honored!

Okay, as for fic recs.

The story closest to my heart is Merry Go Round of Life. It's a Howl's Mobing Castle AU, bit you don't need to have seen the movie or read the book. All you need to know is there is magic and I play fast and loose with canon, and Din is a dramatic wizard.

A couple other favorites include Tangled Up, the dragon rancher Jack AU that has somehow turned into an actual dragon 'verse with many other characters. Idk how that happened.

And Born to be Wild, a what if sort of thing. Pero gets dragged forward in time and dumped outside a modern day RenFaire. Mischief ensues.

Thank you so, so much, my friend! I hope you enjoy whatever you choose to read! 💖💖

[free--therapy]

hii it's  🌼 it's been a while, i really hope you're doing well!

I've been doing some self-reflection now that I'm having a small break from university and i think it's going well with some ups and down ofc. I try not to dwell too much if my mind tries to make me feel anxious and makes me feel that guilt or shame by remembering something I did in the past. That said, I do think i need to do more work on this to truly not be too bothered in the future too.

I hope i can get better at healing from this if i can even call this "healing" because i still have some conflicts. When i try to look back and realise how much I've learnt to not let those anxious thoughts affect me, i want to praise myself for being so strong but at the same time, when i do, i get thoughts like "do you deserve to praise yourself and call yourself strong or whatever?" Because in some corner of my mind, i still feel like I'm being selfish trying to "heal" from the anxiety and negativity my bad actions bring me. After all, is it even okay to call myself "strong" for moving on from my own bad actions?

I know therapy is for everyone and that includes people who want to be better and mobe on from their bad mistakes. So if someone learns to not let their bad actions or behaviours affect themselves with time, does that count as "healing" and is it okay to praise myself for being strong and for overcoming those looping memories of my own mistakes? I mean, it's something I did and not something that happened to me and yet I want to heal from it and praise myself evertime i move on from it a little. Sometimes i feel like I'm being really selfish acting like the victim when I'm the perpetrator lol idk

But then again, even if it's something I did, the fact is that, it affected me negatively too. In fact, it really only affected me and not the other people in this case. So even if the mistake is mine, is it valid to want to heal from it?

In other words, is it considered healing if it's from something bad i did myself? and is it called strength if i learn to move on from those said mistakes? can i be proud of myself for leaving the memories of my bad mistakes behind and not letting them affect me anymore? Is it still considered strength?

Hey Anon!

It's perfectly normal to be feeling these sorts of things and to have doubts about the way you're trying to move on and heal from your past. Your mind wants you to so badly return to your old way of thinking because it believes it was helping you to survive. It's funny how the mind works and how much it'll try to hold onto old thinking patterns when you're trying so hard to actively change and move away from them. I still have moments where I get reminded of really dumb things I've done in the past where I still kick myself for the actions I took, but I have to remind my brain that we've already come to the conclusion that what's in the past is done and over and no amount of thinking about it will ever change what had happened. These mistakes are now just reminders of how you've grown and how much you've learned since those moments, even when reminders of them feel like you might be taking a step backwards.

Let me be the first to remind you that YES you are strong and you DO deserve to move on and heal! If you had not made those mistakes in the past, you wouldn't be who you are today—which is someone who is self-aware and is in the process of moving on and learning to do better now that you know better. That is something worthy of being celebrated and as a means of encouragement to keep on pressing forward. You are doing something that a lot of people at your age probably haven't even begun taking steps towards doing. That alone is something to be proud of. It's not easy and doing uncomfortable things and making it through to the other side is definitely because of your inner strength. Healing takes many forms and even though a lot of people assume it's only if something has happened TO them, it also means moving on from your past behaviors or experiences that have affected you in a negative way. We're all allowed to heal and move on, regardless of what we've done in our past.

Do you know what atonement is? (not in the religious sense) But you're essentially in the process of atoning for your past mistakes and it's no easy feat because you're battling with guilt and shame. Finding that peace that comes with atonement is the goal you're striving for, so it'll take lots of time and patience with yourself to achieve it. You're on the right path, don't let your doubts win

[speakingviscera]

RED ALERT MY PARENTS FOUND OUT I AM TRANS AND MY MOM RANTED AT ME ON HOW IM JUST JOINING A TREND AND THE "AGENDA" GOT TO ME AND SHE WANTS TO MOBE BACK TO RUSSIA BC SHE THINKS ITS AMERICAS FAULT IM TRANS...... YALL HELP 🤕 I DONT WANT TO GO TO RUSSIA BRO.. LIKE I HAVE PEOPLE I CAN RUN AWAY TO IF I CATCH EIND OF THOSE PLANS GOING THRU BUT LIKE (';'):!?'!'?' PLZ HELP GIVE ADVICE REBLOG OR WHATEVER I NEED ADVICE ON WTF TO DO 😰😰😰