#WHAT IS GOING ON AM I INSANE???? AM I LOSING IT???
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Or maybe weāre āfakeā adults, because a REAL adult would have organized their life by now and would be adulting all the time with ease, because adulting is just, by definition, all the things youād do if you were a real adult.
Yes. This. Every time I lose myself over some small things and wonder is it just me or are all adults panicked this easily.
I assume adults get their shits together? Which I can not. I pretend Iām ok. Rest and go insane when alone. The more stress from work I get, the more insane alone time I need. But a day only has 24 hours so I lose my shits whenever I canāt keep the balance.
And I get to hear my younger coworkers who just got to their adulthood getting their things together and organizing their lives perfectly fine. Then I look at myself and canāt stop thinking just what kind of a mess I am. Starting question myself if I ever grow up a thousandth time.
#aging#adulthood#or whatever#why there is no lesson about how to get your own shit together#why do I have to scavenge every crumb about how to fix myself all these years#using never enough private time#and still can't fix anything
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OT13 Reaction -- to winning at MAMA awards
a/n: in celebration of our boys winning both AOTY awards at MAMA last night. i am so incredibly proud i feel like i raised them or something. like guys- it is that serious they are my family and im going insane.
SCOUPS: you're the first one he's calling once he's offstage - he's dialling your number and a whole string of nonsense rattles off him the moment you pick up. he can't string together proper words as you congratulate him. tells you how fucking happy the boys are - you should've seen them, love - did you see woozi crying? and DK - he smiled so big - needs you to bring him back to earth and remind him that this is his award too. he deserves it just as much as they do.
JEONGHAN: he's literally been bored out of his mind as you guys sit at home, watching the award show live. the only times he's acc been paying full attention was whenever groups he knew personally were on screen - and even then - you know you're losing him to how tired he is. lets out the tiniest, babiest gasp when seventeen is announced as the winner. is crying but turns away so you can't call him out on it.
JOSHUA: he runs home to you right after their dinner together and collapses into your arms. he's spent from the sheer chaos and adrenaline. mumbles sweet nothings about how this award is also yours. we won, baby. we share everything - this award is because of you - all because of you.
JUN: he's hiding out in his filming trailer so he can watch the award show through your phone on facetime - it's grainy and glitchy as HELL but he does not care. there's a 3 second lag when seventeen's announced as the winner - so he can hear you screaming but he doesn't know why. his mouth drops once the wifi catches up and he's practically glowing the entire day on set.
HOSHI: comes home wasted and a bundle of pure energy. he's on a high from the win- rushes home to yell into your ear how ecstatic he is as he tackles you for a hug. tells you he's literally so down to name your firstborn child AOTY just cause.
WONWOO: he comes home rather calm despite the chaotic evening he just had. runs you through his whole day- from getting his makeup done to winning the award to having celebratory dinner. you sit and listen happily, cause this is the most yapping you've ever seen this man do and you're SO happy. finishes his yap session by telling you that you make it all worth it - you're the real award, not MAMA.
WOOZI: tells you not to watch their acceptance speech even though he knows you already did :( is uber embarrassed at how emotional his speech was. I was gonna go up and accept it like a nonchalant cool mysterious man but NO! I just had to cry. he doesn't talk about the win much to you, preferring to just enjoy a quiet night in after the crazy evening. whispers to you once you fall asleep that this is why he does music and thanks you and the boys for being his biggest fans.
THE8: sends you the badass photo of him with all their trophies, followed with a long paragraph about how grateful he is to have you next to him through it all. he's unbelievably bright and happy for the next couple weeks, resulting in you kind of missing sassy Hao and asking for him back. side eyes you when you ask and quips "you didn't win a daesang- I did." Well...he's back ig.
MINGYU: comes home and the first thing he says to you is: aren't you proud i didn't cry? pouts when you rewind the clip to point out: he did in fact cry, he was just hiding his ginormous body behind his members. vows to you he won't cry the next time they win- and yes, he promises there will be a next time. and many after that.
DK: a bundle of joy upon his arrival home. keeps telling you he doesn't know what he did to deserve all this- completely floored when you start ranting about why he deserves it all. blushes and hides his face cause the compliments have him shy.
SEUNGKWAN: comes home fully ready to unleash his bragging rights. asks you to only address him by AOTY daesang winner for the next hour, until the joke gets old and he just wants to relax with you. gets a little sappy retelling stories about their trainee days as you both walk down memory lane together.
VERNON: hands you a wad of cash the moment he enters your shared apartment. oh well. i lost the bet. he literally bet against his team winning and ofc you took him on it cause obv seventeen is gonna win?? tells you he was confident svt was going to win he just wanted an excuse to give you cash.
DINO: promises to shout you out the next time svt wins a daesang. obv you don't believe him, so he defends himself, promising that he will 100% name drop his girlfriend on global television for shits and giggles. yeah, i'll just grab the mic and say "i dedicate this award to my WIFE" and watch the internet explode. why not?
#seventeen ot13#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#svt#svt imagines#svt fluff#seventeen#seventeen blurbs#scoups x reader#jeonghan x reader#joshua x reader#jun x reader#hoshi x reader#wonwoo x reader#woozi x reader#the8 x reader#mingyu x reader#dk x reader#seungkwan x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader
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I've been having crazy Stancest brain rot thinking about an AU where they don't have the portal incident and instead have crazy marathon hate sex instead (Inspired by some amazing art by @CoreArde on Twitter) and I thought it'd be fun to share that with you.
They start off arguing in the lab and then oops they're fucking on the lab floor, and they really should be thinking this through but nope now they're upstairs fucking on the kitchen table and okay maybe now they'll finally talk about it nah, they're fucking in Ford's bed now.
It starts off as rough hate sex getting out years of frustration, but by the time they make it to the kitchen its become insanely desperate and cloying because they missed each other, and their bodies fit so well together, and GOD how could they have not been doing this all time? They're going at it so long that they basically end up passed out in Ford's bed by the end, and Stan's not going to be sitting down for a while after this. He's probably just happy to be sleeping in a bed, but Ford is trying to figure out how he got so far from the initial plan.
Even better if the two of them have been harboring feelings for years and never acted on it, because they get the one-two punch of all the weight of their time apart and processing the fact that OH GOD I JUST FUCKED MY BROTHER (which of course they both wanted to do but still).
I have no idea what would happen after that, but both of them waking up sore, sweat soaked, sticky with cum (some still inside Stan because of course Ford didn't use a condom this wasn't supposed to happen) after having gone at each other like rabbits in heat despite never having expressed their attraction to each other before is a hilarious and hot idea to me. What do you think?
HI THERE ANON. i am so fucking sorry that i left you waiting for so long about this, but i need you to know it's because i was FUCKING OBSESSED with this. like just absolutely beside myself over it, and i refused to respond until i had a chance to sit down and respond PROPERLY.
cause uh YEAH FRIEND i know the exact fucking piece of art (explicit) you're talking about, because it's INCREDIBLE. and in case you didn't know, the artist is over here too and shares some fucking fantastic writing and headcanons also! (seriously, go check out @/cartoonsinthemorning if you haven't. and cart, i hope you don't mind that anon and i both kinda lost our minds about your art over here! i genuinely have no idea what tag etiquette is on this site and didn't wanna bombard you, but you did this. again.)
i'll be honest, anon, this kinda got away from me (fucking shocker) and i am too tired to do any legit editing of it right now, so please forgive any typos or weirdness! i'll try and clean it up before it eventually goes up on ao3. but thank you for such a LOVELY ask because this was so hot, and so inspiring, and i hope i did a little justice to your idea and cart's gorgeous art!
--- Ford isn't entirely sure how it had started. His memory, his perception of time, his ability to follow a linear order of events -- all if it is less than reliable at the moment, so he can't entirely blame himself for losing track of things here and there. But the jump between trying to wrestle his journal out of Stan's hands to trying to wrestle Stan out of his dingey jeans is a jarring transition to lose in the dull static that's been edging around his awareness for weeks now.Ā
Not jarring enough to stop him, though.Ā
He thinks, vaguely, while he's blindly tugging at Stan's denim, that there's a concerningly high likelihood that he's hallucinating. His head is swimming in so much caffeine and adrenaline that he doesn't even feel the rough concrete of the lab floor under his knees -- maybe that isn't where he is? Maybe he'd nodded off without realizing. Maybe he's going to come to with another lapful of polaroids and a new humiliating tattoo.Ā
Maybe, maybe, maybe -- he can reckon with a probability model later. For the first time in what feels like months, the stability of his perceived reality is not actually at the forefront of Ford's mind.
Pressing in on him harder than the doubt, harder than the disassociation from his physical body, and harder than the threat of the creature lingering in the depths of his subconscious is anger. It feels like a beacon in the muddled, fuzzy mess inside his head, something bright and real and his. It's searing through him, slicing away all the frayed edges of his paranoia and doubt like a hot blade through so much butter.Ā
Ford clings to the sharp edges of that anger and feels more alert than he has in weeks.Ā
He can't remember how their bickering had taken this particular turn, but if he's liable to lose his eyes and his life in the next few days, Ford will be fucking damned if he squanders the opportunity. He knows he's made a mess of things, that he's made the sorts of mistakes that can't and frankly shouldn't be forgiven.Ā
But he also knows with blinding, white hot certainty that he's only here, now, because of Stan's mistakes.
Ford may not deserve absolution, but he does deserves this.Ā
Laughter cuts through the lab, rough and mocking, and Ford's attention finally falls, properly, on Stan. He has a bruise blooming on his cheek and a snide smirk twisting his lips. He's also on his back, his jeans and a threadbare pair of boxers bunched in Ford's fists and pulled so low he can see the tight curls of his pubic hair and the root of his cock.Ā
"What's wrong, Poindexter?" Stan asks, mocking, and it's only then that Ford realizes he's paused halfway through stripping his twin's lower half. The bite of the cold concrete under his knees still feels far away, but the rough material in his palms, and the heat of Stan's body so close to him are sharp, clear details. "No hands on experience with a dick that ain't your own? Afraid you might actually be bad at somethin' for once?"Ā
Ford narrows his eyes, feeling the hot point of anger cutting through him, steadying him, and he jerks Stan's clothes hard enough that he gets the material past his knees in one tug. Stan laughs at him again, but it stutters into a little 'oof!' when Ford flips him onto his stomach.Ā
He doesn't care that Stan's pants are still caught around his calves and his boots. He doesn't care that Stan hisses something that sounds like pain when he's yanked onto his knees and dragged backwards several inches across the concrete. He doesn't even care that, once upon a time, he'd dreamed of this, of crossing this line with the only person he'd ever really loved in any way that mattered, and it's nothing like the softer, sweeter picture he used to imagine.Ā
Stan's hips are soft, and the skin gives easily under the iron grip Ford has on them, holding him in place as he grinds against his ass. Even through his slacks, the heat of Stan's body is intense, addictive, and he grinds forward again, harder, watching the friction rub a pinkĀ patch against his skin.Ā
Stan, shameless and selfish as always, pushes eagerly back against him. Ford has barely done anything beyond rocking the outline of his cock against his hole, but he can hear Stan panting against the ground, can see his hands curling into fists. He remembers how many times Stan had called Carla McCorkle "easy" in high school and thinks, now, that the easy one had been his brother.Ā
"You gonna keep humpin' me, or are you gonna fuck me?" Stan demands, rocking as firmly back as he can with the bruising grip Ford has on him.Ā
"What makes you think you deserve that?" Ford bites out. It would serve Stan right, he thinks, if he got himself off exactly like this, no different than grinding against a particularly firm couch pillow. Just a conveniently warm object for Ford to release some tension with.Ā
Stan looks back over his shoulder and flashes teeth at him. It isn't a smile. "Oh, I get it. Cold feet? Well, we can just chalk it up to one more thing ya promised and then backed out of as soon as you actually had to make a choice. Good to know some things never change, Stanford."
He's being goaded, and Ford knows that. But the anger boils in his chest, and he thinks, why should he care about what Stan does or doesn't deserve from him? This is about what Ford deserves.
And what Ford deserves is to have his dick so far up Stan's ass he'll be able to feel it in the back of his throat.Ā
"Do you ever shut up?" he snaps while he releases one of Stan's hips to yank his slacks open. The bruise of his fingerprints already forming against Stan's skin thrills him, almost to distraction, if it weren't for Stan laughing again.Ā
"'Course not," he says, shifting his center of balance to dig into the pocket of his dirty red coat. The little packet he tosses over his shoulder bounces off his own ass to land by Ford's knee, the word LUBE printed in large, bold letters across the front. He should be surprised to see it, and part of him is. The word "easy" comes to mind again.Ā
Ford rips the packet open with his teeth.Ā
"F-Fuck!" Stan curses, turning his forehead against the ground when Ford presses his slick cock into him a moment later without warning.Ā
Ford grabs him roughly by the waist when he twitches forward and yanks Stan back until his ass hits the open fly of his slacks. He makes a choked sound at that and turns his face into the crook of his own arm when Ford pulls back and rocks hard back into him.Ā
"What's wrong, Stanley?" he parrots. He pistons his hips at a punishing pace, watching his cock pumping in and out of the greedy, grasping ring of Stan's hole. "Nothing to say?"Ā
Stan makes a noise that's too muffled by the sleeve of his coat to understand, so Ford reaches down to take a fistful of his stupid mullet instead. The hitching gasp that escapes his twin when his head is forcefully jerked up makes him groan. "What was that? Come on, Stanley, use your words."Ā
"F-Fuck off," Stan says, his voice strained, almost whining.Ā
"I see you haven't gotten anymore eloquent since you left," Ford scoffs around the breathlessness in his own voice, feeling the anger and pleasure coiling harder in his gut. "What was it you said? Good to know some things never change."Ā
When he pulls Stan's hair again, just because he can, Stan moans. And when he shifts his hips, driving in just as hard at the new angle, Stan shouts. With his own knees bracketed on either side of his, Ford can feel the way his thighs tremble when he clenches around his cock, and he can feel the sweat beading up under his palm where he's digging darker bruises into Stan's side.Ā
Ford feels like he's on the edge of delirium again, consumed by every sound Stan makes, every twitch of his hips, every ounce of his heat. He thinks, a bit wildly, that Stan may have been made for this, made to take his cock, for how well he does.Ā
It isn't until Stan jerks under him, going hot and tight around his cock and making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, that Ford realizes he may have said part of that out loud. That Stan came over it.Ā
He groans low in his throat and thrusts half a dozen more times into Stan's clenching hole before he comes as well.Ā
It's quiet for a few minutes other than their ragged panting, but it's Stan who eventually reaches back and swats at Ford's hand until he lets go of his hair. He takes the hint and pulls out, watching with no small amount of satisfaction as his come trickles down Stan's thighs. It strikes him suddenly that he wants to follow the wet trail back up with his tongue. It's enough to make his cock give a feeble, appreciative twitch.Ā
He isn't sure if he's just terribly distracted or if he loses time again, because when Ford next lifts his head, Stan is on his feet, pants pulled up around his waist but still open, and he has his journal in hand. This might be more jarring than the last transition he'd lost.Ā
"What are you doing?" he demands, shoving himself back onto his own feet. He doesn't bother to tuck his cock back in, and he spots the moment Stan's eyes flick down. It's brief, but he'd seen it.Ā
"What does it fucking look like I'm doing? I'm taking your stupid diary and disappearing like you begged me to," Stan says. His voice is still a little raw, and Ford has a moment to realize how much he likes that, before the words catch up.Ā
He scoffs. "Oh! So now you want to actually help?! Is it always this easy to fuck the sense into you?"Ā
Stan's expression does a few things Ford doesn't understand before his brows ultimately slam down and he turns his back, storming towards the door with Ford's journal still in hand, and Ford himself hot on his heels. "You're fucking unbelievable, Stanford, you know that?!"Ā
"Me?! You're the one who came all over my lab floor and then decided he was ready to be reasonable!"Ā
Stan jams his thumb against the call button for the elevator several times in quick succession, despite the car already being on their floor and the gate sliding open. "Most people would just say thank you when someone agreed to help them out, but not you! What does Stanford Pines have to be grateful for? We're all just fucking lucky to get a task from ya, huh?"Ā
Ford crowds into the elevator with him before Stan can try to pull the gate or call the doors shut behind him. He punches the button to take them up himself, before making a grab for the journal, snarling when Stan leans back and holds it up above his head.Ā
"You're the one who threatened to destroy my work twenty minutes ago, Stanley! Why would I trust you with it now? Hell, I can't figure out why I trusted you enough to bring you here in the first place!"Ā
"Oh really? You can't?" Stan sneers, leaning in close. And when Ford takes a step back, Stan follows, backing him into a corner of the car. "I don't think you fuckin' trusted me to do shit, Stanford. I think you were all outta options cause nobody else could stand to put up with you anymore."Ā
Stan doesn't so much as hit a nerve as he takes a sledgehammer to it, and as soon as the elevator dings, Ford shoves him as hard as he can out into the study. Stan yelps when he stumbles, nearly tripping over his own feet, and it's only knocking into a cluttered desk that keeps him from falling on his ass.Ā
Ford doesn't give him any time to right himself, storming in after him and grabbing him by the front of his jacket. Stan flinches, like he'ex expecting a punch, but Ford yanks him in and crushes his mouth against his instead.Ā
There's a dull thump that Ford only realizes was the journal being dropped when he feels both of Stan's hands on his shoulders. They curl briefly, grasping at him, and Ford feels his mouth starting to go soft and slack. But as soon as he presses in, runs his tongue along that loosening seam, he's suddenly being shoved backwards.Ā
If he weren't so damn confused, Ford would probably appreciate the picture Stan makes, lips slick and pants open, leaning back against one of Ford's desks.Ā
"What are you doing?!" Stan demands, like he's the one who doesn't know what day it is, and keeps losing track of events.Ā
"I would think even you could figure that out after what happened downstairs, Stanley."
Stan flushes, visible even in the low light of the study, though Ford isn't sure if it's embarrassment or anger. The scowl on his face doesn't help clear things up, either, though the fact that he isn't actually looking at Ford is...telling.Ā Ā
"That ain't happening again," Stan states, and there isn't anything convincing about the way he says it at all. But when Ford steps forward, Stan sidesteps him and the desk. He makes a wrong turn in the dark, in a house he isn't familiar with, and flinches when Ford flips on the light in the kitchen he's walked into.
"I don't know how you expect to leave and hide my journal after leaving it in the study," he points out, frowning at the back of Stan's head.Ā
He isn't surprised when Stan whirls on him. He is, however, stunned still when he realizes Stan's eyes are wet.Ā
"What the fuck do you want from me, Stanford?!" Stan shouts, his voice cracking over his name, and it makes something feel like it's cracking inside his chest.Ā
Ford has to wet his lips when he finds them and his throat dry. "...I told you what I wanted," he says.
"Yeah, you did! And when I finally agreed to do it, you threw a fucking fit about it! And now you're pissy because I'm not?! What do you want?"Ā
The anger sparks sharply inside him again, and Ford grasps at it like a lifeline, willing to bloody his hands for that bite of stability.Ā
"You tried to burn it! My life's work! And you only decided you would help me after we--"
Stan cuts him off, looking towards the cabinets while he raises his voice and waves his hands. "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry about the fucking lighter, all right?!"
Ford frowns. He takes a step forward and, still without looking at him, Stan takes a step back. It's the elevator all over again, but this time Ford is pressing in, backing Stan into the cabinets. He grabs the counter on either side of his hips when he tries to side step him again.Ā
"Stanley, look at me," he demands, frowning harder when Stan sets his jaw and stars determinedly at his shoulder. "Stanley--"
"What do you want, Ford? Just...just fucking tell me and I'll leave, all right?" Stan says, his voice tired and soft as he reaches up to rub a hand over his own face.
He wants a lot, honestly. And hasn't that always been the problem? He's always wanted -- to be normal, to be respected, to be the best, to be special.Ā
To be wanted.Ā
To be enough.
To fix things.Ā
"You," he realizes, watching Stan jerk his head up. His lashes are still wet, and Ford can't stop himself from reaching up and pressing his palm to Stan's cheek, skimming his thumb gently under one of his eyes.Ā
When he leans in to kiss him again, Stan makes a small, wounded little noise under his mouth, but he parts his lips for Ford's tongue this time. Stan's lips are chapped and he tastes vaguely of stale cigarettes, but Ford is still struck by how soft and sweet he is.Ā
More than anything else that had happened that evening, this is the moment that Ford knows he should suspect most of all. The way Stan relaxes between him and the counter, the almost tentative way he lifts his tongue to meet his, the careful fingertips touching the edge of Ford's coat and brushing against his loose tie. It's tender in a way Ford didn't think either of them were capable of, and it should be setting off warning bells and red flags in every part of his mind.Ā
It isn't.Ā
Ford is more certain ofĀ the reality of this single moment, the gentle slip of Stan's lips against his own, than he's been of anything in a long time.Ā
And then Stan sighs between them and murmurs, warm and hopeful, "Ford," against his lips, and he's done for.Ā
It doesn't matter that they just fucked, that Ford's come is probably still drying between Stan's thighs -- he can't keep his hands off of him. Ford is suddenly frantic and desperate in a way that he hadn't been downstairs. He needs to relearn the new, wider shape of Stan's shoulders and pecs. He needs to feel out every new scar and take stock of all the old ones he remembers Stan collecting for him as kids. He needs to be surrounded by him again, soaking in the warmth of him.Ā
Ford doesn't deserve absolution, but he thinks he may be able to find something close to it in the low, shaky way Stan moans his name.Ā
And there's familiarity in the way Stan grabs at him in turn, tugging at his jacket and tie and surging into another, harder kiss. Ford thinks he may not be the only one looking for expiation.Ā
Then Stan drops to his knees between him and the cabinet, and Ford stops thinking so much. His cock is still out, and Stan wastes no time in getting his fist around the shaft and his lips around the head. He suckles and swirls his tongue, and Ford shoves the beanie off of his head to get his hands in his hair.Ā
"Stanley," he gasps, stroking his fingers along his scalp and fisting the strands between them.Ā
Stan moans around him and shuffles closer, sliding the seal of his lips further down the length of Ford's cock. All he can do is groan and try to keep from rocking his hips as more of him is greeted by the warmth of his mouth and the wickedness of his tongue.Ā
He keeps waiting for Stan to reach his limit, to back off and give himself room to breathe. He doesn't. He keeps leaning in, keeps taking him, and then Ford feels his cockhead slip into Stan's throat, sees his lashes are wet again, and he has to put one hand on the counter to keep himself steady. "Fuck, Stanley, you're so good at this."
Stan makes a horribly sweet sound around the girth of Ford's cock and reaches up to hold his hips as he swallows, and Ford is suddenly afraid he's going to embarass himself.Ā His hips twitch despite his best efforts to keep them still, but Stan simply relaxes his jaw and his throat and tugs a little to encourage him to do it again. He does, of course, how could he not?Ā
Despite the heat clawing its way through him and the pleasure mounting dangerously high, Ford almost feels outside of himself again. The picture Stan makes, with his eyes damp and heavy lidded, his lips wet and stretched around Ford's cock, his hair fisted in Ford's fingers and his own clinging to Ford's hips -- it's lewd, debauched, and so horribly sweet that it makes Ford's chest hurt.Ā
Stan gasps raggedly when Ford pulls him off. "I was go-gonna...I mean you can--"
Ford kneels down to kiss him, tasting stale cigarettes and himself, cock throbbing over the rough state of Stan's voice. "Not done yet," he manages, before tugging Stan onto his feet.Ā
They lose clothes and time on the journey upstairs, tripping over the steps and Ford's discarded pants, and stumbling into his wreck of a room. If Stan notices the state of things, he doesn't comment, mouth latched onto Ford's shoulder and hands all over his back and hips.Ā
The back of Ford's legs hit the bed and he sits hard on the mattress. Stan doesn't hesitate to crawl up into his lap. He'd lost his boots in the kitchen and his jeans and boxers somewhere on the way to the stairs, giving him ample opportunity to rub his bare cock against Ford's.Ā
Cursing, Ford rolls his hips and only belatedly remembers to reach up and tug the hideous red coat off of Stan's shoulders.Ā
"Oh, fuck, hold on. I think I have another one," Stan says, panting softly as he digs into the pockets of his coat. Ford takes the opportunity to run his hands across Stan's thighs and ass, squeezing whatever skin he can until Stan makes a triumphant sound and pulls another little packet of lube free.Ā
Only then does he let Ford toss his jacket aside and tug him further up the bed with him. He doesn't protest when Ford takes the packet from him, lowering his head to work open mouth kisses up Ford's throat instead, and he rolls his hips distractingly while Ford fights to get the damnable thing open. He ignores the snickering against his skin in the process.Ā
It stops anyway, hitching into something warm and startled when Ford sinks two slick fingers into him.Ā
"Oh, fuck," Stan breaths, reaching up to grab Ford by the shoulder, holding himself steady. "Y-You know you don't have to do that, right? Pretty loosened up already."
He is, to be fair. His hole is still soft and loose and fucked open. But Ford enjoys petting his fingers against the tender muscle and stroking them inside anyway. He likes watching Stan bite his lip and push himself back onto his hand. When he slides a third in after the first two, Stan's thighs tremble on either side of his own, and he makes a low, throaty sound.Ā
When Ford curls his fingers just right, Stan yells and grips his shoulder hard enough to hurt, and it makes warm satisfaction curl in his middle. So he does it a few more times, alternating between spreading his fingers and rubbing the tips against Stan's prostate until he's squirming in his lap.Ā
"I-I'm gonna come if you don't knock that sh-shit off," he gasps, slumping a bit when Ford chuckles and slides his fingers out.Ā
"I think I'd like that," Ford says, squeezing his slick fingers against Stan's thigh.Ā
He snorts and straightens back up, finding the discarded lube packet to squirt the remainder onto Ford's cock. "Yeah, I bet you fucking would," Stan agrees, but there's no malice in his voice, just warm amusement.Ā
His fist is warm and wonderful when it curls around Ford's cock, spreading lube, and then Ford is being held steady, Stan adjusts himself on his scuffed knees, and there's nothing else to do but hold on as Stan lowers himself into his lap.Ā
It feels as good as it had earlier to be inside of him, and Ford squeezes the thigh under his hand tightly, fighting against the need to buck his hips. Stan is panting softly, his head tilted back and a pretty, pink color is crawling up from under his t-shirt to flood his neck and face.Ā
Ford groans and leans forward, finding a nipple through his thin shirt to get his teeth and tongue against.
"F-Ford!" Stan gasps, fumbling the hand not clawing at his shoulder up into his hair, and Ford sucks hard on the firm nub,Ā rubbing spit-soaked cotton against it with his tongue until Stan rocks in his lap.Ā
Fuck, he likes that, the way his name sounds in Stan's voice, especially warm and rough after fucking his throat earlier.Ā
He squeezes Stan's thigh and his hip, giving him a little tug, and that's all the encouragement Stan needs before he's bouncing on his cock. Ford has that thought again -- that Stan was meant to be filled by him, that they're a perfectly matched set. But it isn't just feeling good and hot while Stan fucks himself in his lap. It's feeling like he's been missing something and he finally has it, like he's finally complete again.Ā
He's missed this, Ford realizes.Ā
Not the fucking his brother part. He'd fantasized about that for years but it still feels like a dream that it's happening, like something that's too good to be true.Ā
But being able to put his arms around him? To be this close to him again?Ā
Ford rocks his hips up, hard, and Stan says his name. He wraps his fingers around Stan's cock, and he gasps his name. He bites the same swollen, pink nipple through his shirt, and Stan shouts his name.Ā
He snaps his hips up to meet him a few more times and rubs the sensitive glans under the head of Stan's cock, and then there are teeth digging into his other shoulder and his fist and stomach are being striped in Stan's come while he shudders and jerks overtop of him.Ā
Stan goes easily when Ford rolls them over and pins one of his wrists to the bed. And despite the way he squirms and how his spent cock twitches and leaks, blatantly overstimulated, he hooks his ankles behind Ford's back and urges him on.Ā
"C-C'mon, give it to me. Fuck, just like that, Sixer!"Ā
The nickname hits him with all the subtlety of a truck and all the heat of a volcanic eruption.Ā
He doesn't even remember coming so much as he remembers every synapses in his brain trying to fire at once. Coming back down to reality is a little clearer, with his head spinning and pulse racing as he flops onto his back, but it still takes several long minutes before he feels fully cognizant again.Ā
Something makes the bed shift, and he looks over to see that Stan has rolled onto his stomach. Ford wonders if he looks half as fucked out as Stan does, with bruises blossoming across his body, his shirt rucked halfway up his stomach, and come staining his ass and thighs. Ford realizes Stan still has his socks on, and he can't figure out why that makes something twinge, hot but exhausted and halfhearted, in his gut.Ā
"Gonna...gonna get up in a minute," Stan says, his voice slurring and his eyes already closed. Ford watches him rub his cheek against one of Ford's pillows, and the soft sound of snoring follows soon after.Ā
The reality of the situation starts to settle in shortly after that, and Ford stares wide eyed up at the ceiling as if he'll find some sort of answers there. Unsurprisingly, there are no secrets etched overhead for how to reckon with the fact that he had just fucked his brother, twice, while the fate of the world was still very much hanging in the balance between his fraying sanity and Bill's looming threat.Ā
".....Fuck," Ford murmurs.
When the adrenaline finishes seeping out of his system, Ford expects to crash. The exhaustion certainly climbs back into his bones, but he's surprised to find himself still clear headed. Focused.Ā
The sound of Stan sleeping soundly beside him is as soothing as it is mocking, but he doesn't want to separate himself from it even though he knows he needs to get up. There's soft, gray light starting to creep in through the windows, and distant birdsong calling for the start of the day. He needs to readjust, to come up with a new plan, find some way to explain to Stan what's going on so they can buy themselves a little more time.Ā
Against all odds and his better judgment, there's a tiny, optimistic voice in the back of his head reminding him that there's strength in numbers. He isn't surprised that it sounds like Stan.
#ĀÆ\_ (ć)_/ĀÆ#stancest#nsft#i have been DYING to write this for 2 weeks#and i just haven't had the time to actually sit with it#so i hope it balances out the wait anon!#foodtruckās snack packs#pretend my ask tag is cute
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i thought you would be happy with buck getting his oh moment and realizing his feelings for eddie but i guess you really were sucked into the bucktommy fanon created huh. Shame that you won't be able to enjoy canon buddie when it happens.
This is the only message I am going to answer about this specifically since I initially brought the topic up on my blog.
So, first of all, by definition, BuckTommy isn't fanon. Fanon is a ship or character that is completely generated by fandom. Buddie, for example, is fanon. Although they share a strong platonic bond, their relationship is not textually romantic. They do not kiss. They are not textually established romantic partners. Eddie said in the last episode that he is straight. So Buddie only exists within a fandom context. Conversely, BuckTommy is established as canon. Buck has touched mouths with that man on-screen. They were established as boyfriends and, now, ex-boyfriends. So it is, quite literally, impossible for BuckTommy to be fanon, even if fans do extrapolate, embellish, or reconstruct that relationship for their own pleasure. So, that's number one.
Number Two: According to this fandom, Buck and Eddie have had their oh moments a combined total of six times now at least (3x15, 3x03, 4x13, and 5x11, to name a few) and absolutely nothing concrete has come out of these events. The shooting is the closest we ever got, and that was four seasons ago. I don't begrudge anyone for reading that moment at the end of tonight's episode within a romantic Buddie context. Go absolutely nuts and have fun with it. But to me, that moment, such as it was, was more of the same - Buck or Eddie look at each other a certain way, or have evident (non-romantic) feelings related to the other, fandom loses their minds, they speculate, convince themselves they're right, nothing happens, rinse and repeat. I'm personally tired of the spin cycle.
I said I wanted strides toward Buddie canon to be made crystal clear and that's still true. You clearly see things differently (and that's alright), but outside the Buddie fanfiction hivemind, tonight's episode was not crystal clear. There was no discussion of Buck's feelings. He didn't vent them to Maddie or Bobby or Eddie himself. He didn't say, out loud, or indicate in any explicitly romantic way that he has feelings for Eddie. Buck having feelings about Eddie leaving is not the same as having feelings for him. They are best friends. They are family, actually. If Eddie leaves, Buck is losing the anchor to his support system and his (pseudo-)son. That's a big deal. That is an extraordinary weight to carry, especially on the heels of a significant breakup, and especially while dealing with abandonment issues. There was nothing romantic about that and, reducing that moment to a romantic reading, seems... odd. To me.
I'd like to think I'd still be able to enjoy Canon Buddie if it happens tbh. I actively write fic about those two in my spare time even though I keep my conversations about them to the DMs. But if I'm not able to enjoy it, it won't be because of the ship itself, it will be because I finally tired of the abject cruelty that's cropped up in this space. There's this unspoken rule in fandom that what happens during hiatus stays in hiatus, and we all just silently agree to move on from it when the show comes back. But I'm having a hard time with that this year because I've seen and experienced some absolutely insane things from this fandom the last few months that have stuck with me. So. Maybe I won't still enjoy it, but I hope I will.
I was really angry with the (non-Buddie related) content of this episode when you messaged me, so you probably thought or hoped I would bitch and curse you out, and we'd do this whole back and forth thing that would inevitably lead to you getting blocked. But I meant what I said - I have no interest in arguing with anyone about this show. We're not going to agree, and that's okay. I'm not your inspirational Buddie Warrior, and that's also okay. I have too much to deal with than to actively engage in internet beef. What is is what is, whether you or I or both or neither of us like it, and arguing about it isn't going to change it. So we might as will just learn to live with it and each other as best as we can.
I'm going to go watch TV now.
#I was on my way to bed but my raspberry sorbet is about to be delivered. So. Plans have changed. Lol.#jack answers mail#tv: 911#911 spoilers
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right. So I'm kinda insane and found another song to talk about in some life series / evo context: Copycat. (Song will be linked at the end of the post!)
So, many people headcanon Jimmy and Grian being brothers- and it makes a lot of sense. They're both dirty brown haired, have dark brown eyes, are British, bird coded, have warring personalities, and actually are associated both with yellow, and then one other primary color- Grian taking red, and Jimmy taking blue. Even their main colorations show a kind of "parallel difference" between them, with recently, Grian being associated with red and purple, and Jimmy with blue and yellow.
Now. Recently Jimmy did some lore of him praying to the Watchers. And back in Evo, Grian was taken into the Watchers ranks- so there is some repeated or rhyming elements in their arcs. However, I raise you this- Jimmy is Grian's "replacement", or basically, a backup for if he defects from the Watchers. That's why he has such a deference to them- its hard coded into him. That's why he's acknowledged them so much recently, because Grian's slowly leaving, and they're beginning to get Jimmy to replace him.
For a long time, those two have had a sibling dyanmic- Grian, the older, stronger, and smarter brother, and Jimmy, the younger, weaker, stupider sibling. Grian basically torments Jimmy for his own amusement, and the Watchers let it happen- if Grian ever defected, they could simply feed Jimmy praise -you're better than Grian ever could have been, hes weak and you're incredibly strong, of course we will listen to you- and he would instantly be completely loyal to them.
The song has a few choice lyrics I'd like to point out:
"We get along just fine!" "I say everything you like to hear..." "It's funny how much I feel like I'm looking in a mirror!"
Say "Hello! What's up with you?" "I'm starting to talk like you do..."
"We've grown apart this time, I can't figure out the reason why." "It's funny how much I'd kinda like to see you cry."
"I've become what you like! I am what you wanted, right? Sacrificed all that I know, I have taught myself to let go!"
In any case, the main motif of the song is losing your identity- and that's exactly what's happening to Jimmy, memories of servers being scrubbed as the Watchers prepare him to take over Grian's position. The whole chorus is Jimmy giving in to the Watchers, and thinking about Grian in anger- he pushed him too far, yes, of course- the perfect way to get back at him, to team up with the eldritch gods Grian hates. Grian said he should be stronger- well now look at him! He's one of the strongest beings alive! He is now what his brother wanted him to be, perfectly made in his image.
Oh, and in case you need further convincing, look at how Grian's wings are usually portrayed. Scarlet macaw- red, blue, and yellow. Now look at Jimmy's wings- nearly always yellow, but in Wild Life, he's become a parrot. His wings are blue and yellow now. I bet he sometimes sees little red feathers and rips them out, desperate to distance himself from Grian- unfortunately, his brother.
Meanwhile, Grian doesn't know what's up with his little brother, and is desperately trying to get him back, to prevent him from making the same bad decisions he did- maybe even losing some of his Watcher powers as Jimmy's power begins to eclipse his own.
Link+ a lil more below the cut. This post is too long already. Whoops
youtube
Okay I can perfectly see in the "Copy that copy cat!" bit in the chorus, different sprites show up with every beat. The first four are of Grian (followed by a short animation of him saying the line) hitting poses, with maybe each sprite having a little refrence to a different season or series they have been in together. And then it swaps to Jimmy, facing towards him, hitting the same poses, with matching refrences. However by the end of the song, Jimmy takes charge, doing the poses first and surrounded by eyes- and Grian, trying (and failing) to match the poses and control the eyes, confused why he's lost his power.
Give my boy Jimmy the power. Grian has tormented him far too long.
#jimmy solidarity#solidarity gaming#solidaritygaming#solidarity jimmy#wild life smp#wildlife smp#wlsmp#grian#grianmc#the watchers#song analysis#canary curse#evo smp#life series headcanon#the life series#traffic life#traffic life series#traffic life smp#traffic light smp#traffic series#trafficblr#traffic smp#life series#life series smp#life smp#Youtube
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hi! i'd like to talk about losing. you don't have to read this if you don't want to, but i wanted to write it, and guess what, it's my blog. i just like this team a lot and i'm feeling a little maudlin about my guys and a little sick to fucking death of the shit i'm seeing all over kingdom come from 'fans'. so here we are.
So You Became A Fan Of A Living Legend But The Hockey Team Is Bad: a commentary.
look. this is not the most fun i've ever had watching hockey, and i'm quite sure a lot of people feel the same way. the penguins are bad this season! they were bad last season too, but there's something very special about the extent to which they are shit right now. and those are not fun games to watch.
but here's the thing: who cares.
like, idk. there's so much god damn negativity surrounding this team and its performance right now, and i'm guilty of contributing to it as well, because yeah of course i'd rather watch a team win in decisive fashion most nights. of course i'd rather dream about may and june and the stanley cup. of course i want to watch that happen again for my favorite players. like, duh.
but. it's probably not going to. not if these players get what they want, which is to play together on this team until they're ready to retire.
and you know what? that's fine. if they're fine with it, who on earth am i to not be?
i think we all have the same reaction when we see idiots online saying things like 'sid doesn't deserve this trade him to a contender'. and that's because we are smarter and more refined fans who understand that what sidney crosby DESERVES is to select how and where and when his career ends. is it on a team that sucks? then that means being here is more important to him than getting that fourth cup. staying with geno and kris and the penguins as a whole, never putting on another NHL logo, is more significant to him personally than another victory. and isn't that special? isn't that worth celebrating?
of course we know all of that because we're better at being fans than the uncles online who are writing weird fanfic in their heads. but. guess what that comes with:
losing.
and losing badly, in the case of this season.
i am here to tell you that sitting and bitching about it helps no one. right now, what we have to watch and celebrate is our favorite players still playing at a high level. they're still doing cool stuff on the ice. and they're doing it TOGETHER. this is what they wanted. so your options are either to hate it and sit in negativity about it each and every game, OR readjust your mindset and learn to enjoy what we have while we have it.
we are watching myth-making happen live. we are watching living legends play hockey. this is a privilege and an honor and it's not something most fanbases get EVER. and we have two! can you believe it?
there are things i would have rather seen done differently over the last couple of years. as far back as 2019 there were moves i disagreed with and changes that could have been made that perhaps could have extended their window. and of course the 2022 series against the rangers, that was a very good team that got hit by injuries at the absolute worst possible time, and probably that was their last chance as a core to compete. it's frustrating to watch that stuff happen when you have no control over it.
the pittsburgh penguins were high-end competitors and contenders for seventeen years straight. that's insane and unheard of in this league. they're not anymore. and the price you pay for almost two decades of dominance is...being bad. when you're competing you trade prospects and draft picks for win-now players. sometimes those work out, most of the time they don't. with the amount of winning this team has done, even the trades that didn't work were worth it, because it meant they were trying.
there are no fanbases who are going to feel bad for penguins fans right now. that's also why we're getting so much attention from the national media. people aren't used to this team being as bad as it is, and people like watching downfalls. that's fine. most of those fans have never watched their team win, and most of them never will. so if their joy is coming from sidney crosby's team being bad....well, love and light, you know?
and we shouldn't feel bad for ourselves either. this is what happens. this is how it goes. this is the price for the band staying together.
i dunno, guys. this is a disjointed rant. it's just so effing hard to be kicked in the nuts everywhere you go with unrelenting negativity. it's on twitter it's in the articles and yes, it's here too. but if you can't be a fan of a team when they're bad, then i'm sorry but you're not a fan of the team (or certain players), you're a fan of winning. and NO team wins all the time every year. that's not how sports work.
we are lucky. at least, i feel lucky! don't you? gosh, sidney crosby scored his 600th career goal tonight. evgeni malkin is over 500 goals on his career. can you believe that? it's amazing to watch.
and it's going to be over in less than two years. do we really want to waste it by wishcasting something that's not going to happen instead of enjoying what we DO have?
if the media bums you out, don't listen. don't read the articles. don't go on twitter. dry your tears on the stanley cup banners that sid and geno hung upāthere are three to choose from!
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Now that I've made my sane post about arcane I can rage and go insane in this one
obviously not spoiler free, and don't expect any coherent thoughts over here, I'm mostly gonna scream and ramble
dude. DUDE. jayce and viktor. holy fucking shit. oh my god. I dont even know what to say. their whole story is insane and making me lose my mind. Jayce saw all that happened if viktor went through with everything, and with ekko's help from breaking viktor out of it, HE MANAGED TO CONVINCE HIM TO STOP IT ALL. AND THEY DID. TOGETHER. GOD.
and since I've mentioned ekko I'm gonna go ramble about him now- he saved everyone, without him they would ALL be gone, and he could've died trying too like??? he wasn't playing
I paused the show for idk how long when he went over the 4 seconds, cause if he died not only would everything be fucked, but also I would've been torn to pieces.
but yeah ekko the man that you are I love you and im glad you at LEAST got to experience what could've been. specially with powder ššš
now - JINX DIED??? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT. WHY CANT SHE EVER BE HAPPY. AND SHE DIDN'T JUST DIE - SHE KILLED HERSELF, AND SHE WOULD'VE DONE THAT EARLIER IF EKKO DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME THINGY. I AM ILL.
despite that it might seem that I am mad at the ending they gave jinx, as I mentioned in my sane post, I am absolutely not. A bitter ending made perfect sense given the story and the tone of the show, and while in a perfect world this isn't how it would've gone, this incredibly depressing one seems sadly very fitting.
BUT FEELING LIKE THAT WILL NOT STOP ME FROM CRYING AND RAGING ABOUT IT.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#ekko arcane#jinx arcane#viktor arcane#jayce arcane#jayce x viktor#ekkojinx
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Yet another Veilguard update with the usual good, the bad, the ugly, and the me freaking out about minor references and callbacks haha
This one is very long sorry
So since the last update I have done as much side content as possible before heading to the Hossberg Wetlands and later Weisshaupt (which I just completed last night) which included, briefly, unlocking all of the solas regrets murals
And uh WOW was that whole deep dive a doozy. I definitely should have spaced out the murals over time rather than movie-marathoned them back to back. But the things I learned about Solasā¦itās insanity
In a good way
In a really horrifying way
I loved that our theories about Solas being a spirit of Wisdom first were confirmed, and I lost my mind over the fact that the first elves were spirits who gained physical bodies by taking Titan blood (aka lyrium). And the fact that Solas CREATED THE BLIGHT by essentially making the Titans Tranquil?? And thatās why Dwarves donāt dream????
Losing my mind. Solas what have you DONE.
I still ahev to process it all haha but I do have a few thoughts
So far, I wish there was more engagement with these elements and the Chant of Light. The companions react and say that these reveals basically dismantle Andrastianism but the Chant has several allegorical parallels to what, apparently, really happened. The Makerās first children were spirits, and all thatā¦so I kind of wish the Chantry had a bigger presence in the game with more reactivity
But thatās a post for another day. For now, I reloaded back to only 3 murals unlocked so the team only knows the story up to Solas creating the Veil. Iāll rewatch the others later.
I got worried about being locked out of stuff so I went ahead and did as much side content as I could with a couple of exceptions. Turns out, I probably didnāt need to do that and it would have made more sense narratively if I hadnāt. More on that in a minute
The Siege of Weisshaupt mission was SO GOOD!! Likeā¦the main missions are really where this game shines, I think. I have gripes with some of the companion conversations, but in the actual story missions, the action, the intensity, all of it is so good. And I thought Ghilanānain turning her archdemon into a many-headed hydra creature was *chefs kiss* so cool. I love fighting big/unique stuff like that!
All that said the follow up scene with the team at the table leavesā¦a lot to be desired
Listen, DA games pride themselves on bringing together a team of companions that players adore and fall in love with. Naturally we enjoy helping out our companions because we like them. We donāt have to be told to help them because we just generally do thatā¦and if we donāt then, rip, suffer the consequences
So I got a bit annoyed when the scene suddenly turned to a very overt āfix our problemsā narrative
I donāt know, that feels soā¦forced to me. Varric literally tells me I have to solve everyoneās problems. Which is likeā¦I was going to! Because theyāre my friends! But being straight up told like āhey you have to solve everyoneās problems and stop their distractions or this team isnāt going to functionā is likeā¦Iām sorry are we adults or arenāt we? Why am I being told to babysit the team? Can you guys not pursue these distractions on your own rather than wait for me to give you permission? Did we all forget that two gods are out there rampaging? That theyāre strong enough to destroy a fortress that stood against the blight and various conflicts for over 900 years? That they havenāt stopped and show no signs of stopping anytime soon?
But no, by all means, tell me in very obvious terms that my job is now to reconcile all your differences before I face the gods again. That doesnāt feel very handed at all.
Let me be clear. I love to help my companion. I love the idea that you build a team that works well because you have shaped them via your leadership skills. I love the idea that your team works well because you have invested in them. Thatās really the heart of any DA gameāgather your team, earn their loyalty, and see how well the friends youāve made along the way assist you in the big battles to come.
Butā¦that scene around the kitchen table could have been so much better, so much more nuanced, and far less āSolve their problems.ā
To me, that scene should have been everyone fighting, calling out everyoneās distractions and mistakes, and essentially devolving into outright arguments over the table until Rook yells at everyone to shut up. Everyone is mad, everyone is upset. And then maybe the companions are like āsorry Rook, listen, I have a lot on my mind. Iām still going to help with the Big Problem but Iām also going to pursue this Other Thing whether you like it or not.ā No suggestion that itās now your problem to solve, but a heavy hint that it might get done more quickly if you help (which also gives you room to be an ass and not help). In this scenario, everyone ends up being very disgruntled with you, but you still have your hint that you need to pursue companion questlines if you want to see their cool abilities or special items or get them to be a Hero of the Veilguard or whateverā¦but thatās just my opinion
Basically I wanted subtly and tension. So much more tension.
What we got instead was a couple of annoyed comments and then Emmrich being like āoh dear weāre all distracted by the things that bother usā and everyone offering up distractions that, yes, need to be resolvedā¦but itās very easy to be like āhey bud the Hand of Glory and the Nadas Dirthalen can wait until the gods arenāt threatening to destroy the world I think.ā
Itās not the worst scene in the world, but it could have been reframed better. Either frame it as āSorry Rook but none of these factions trust you enough to aid you in the fight, you have to prove yourself to themā (and loop in the companion questlines that way) or show your team literally unraveling because they canāt get along or agree with youānow you see the evidence of what you need to fix, and nobody has to outright tell you to āsolve everyoneās distractions.ā Itās just implied. Because you saw them fighting. A lot.
Like duh I knew Iād have to resolve everyoneās problems if I want them to like me or stick around! Thatās just what Iāve come to expect from RPG games like this. Itās an expectation of the genre. But I donāt want to be told thatās my job now. If anything it triggers my contrarian nature and now I want to see what bad ending I get when I donāt listen to the gameās extremely heavy push for me to deal with everyoneās issues
I wonāt, but Iām tempted
I justā¦wanted it to be better. I want see everyone bitching at each other until everyone leaves in a huff and Rook just sits at the table, head in their hands like āoh my god everyone hates me and they hate each other and weāre going to die if everyone canāt get their shit togetherā
Then maybe Varric sits down next to them and goes, āHey kid, did I ever tell you about the time Hawke tried to convince a Rivaini pirate, a weird abomination, a Dalish blood mage, a stiff-necked captain of the guard, a broody elf who glowed in the dark, and a few other friends besides to all agree to fight as a team to stop a qunari invasion in Kirkwall? It worked, more or less. By the end of the night, everyone had worked together enough to end up with one dead Arishok and an entire cityās gratitude.ā
Maybe Rook looks up and says, āAnd howād they manage that little miracle? Without everyone trying to kill each other in the process.ā
And maybe Varric smiles and shrugs. āThey had their differences, trust me. Half the time you couldnāt put two of them in a room together without a fight breaking out. But they all believed in one thing. They believed in Hawke.ā
Then maybe thereās a pause, as he lets Rook consider that for a moment, before he stands up and says, āItās a good bedtime story, in any case. Iāll let you sleep on it.ā
Sigh. It just would have been coolā¦
Now in all fairness the scene felt even clunkier because I had actively been doing side quests and helping out my friends so it was likeā¦it felt weird to have this implication that Iām not already helping them. It makes me think I shouldnāt do any of their side quests until after the Siege of Weisshaupt but who knows
I keep pendulum swinging back and forth between moments of brilliance and moments that leave me baffled and wondering who made some of these narrative/writing calls. I donāt hate the game by any stretch of the imagination. Like I said the Siege of Weisshaupt was amazing! And I loved the callbacks to precious games! You should have seen me live reacting and screaming about codexes in the Weisshaupt library haha But itās like whiplash when something that good is followed up by a scene that feels excessively more hamfisted in comparison.
Anyway I am very busy this weekend and dunno when Iāll get to write another update soooo if youāre following for more, hope to give you more updates in the near-ish future!
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#da4#dragon age spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age critical#adding that last tag just in case#it is critical I guess but Iām not coming at it from a place of hatred#just wishful thinking
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Yeah no I think all of the contestants in Inanimate Insanity are 100% gone forever. What solidified it for me was Justin asking āwould the fact the characters are dead not make you want plushies of them anymoreā in the recent popularity poll. Yeah they could be just trolling us but Iām losing hope
in my expert opinion. i think its just trolling taken to the extreme. they know their audience and how theyāll believe 90% of what they say in regard to ii. also i feel the fact since confirming or denying whether or not the contestants are gone forever would most likely greatly spoil whatever is gonna happen in the finale. i doubt theyd just say upfront yes or no. so i think theyre taking the āthe contestants are gone forever sorryā to the absolute extreme to make us fall for it and believe them.
that or im stupid and its the exact opposite where they expect people to think like i am and then get surprise pikachu-d when the contestants really are gone forever. oh well. POLL TIME!-š»
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āDamian isnāt ooc what are you talking aboutttt heās only 14 and wants to trust his dad so badlyyyy guyssss donāt get upsetttā have you never read a comic with Damian in it in your life
#I FUCKING HATE TJISHDJDHF#WHAT IS GOING ON AM I INSANE???? AM I LOSING IT???#Damian trusting his dad despite BRUCE acting so out of character EVEN IF ITS TO PRAISE DAMIAN AND MAKE HIM FEEL SPECIAL#HAS HAPPENED BEFORE#AND HE HAS SPOTTED THAT SHIT AS STRANGE A MILE AWAY#AND HE WAS LIKE. 12. AT FOURTEEN WEāVE ESTABLISHED DAMIAN AS MORE OBSERVANT AND PREPARED FOR THIS#it can either be taken as retrofitting him into ānormalā developmental periods which again. weāve established Damian has as the antithesis#or as a way to put down his character in the robin mantle in order to make Timās run look smart and perfect in comparison. which is gross.#Tim has been Robin and even moved past it and became even better and now weāre what? missing the good ol days?#Tim became Robin in 1989. NINETEEN EIGHTY NINE GUYS#THATS 35 YEARS AGO#I KNOW ITS NOSTALGIC FOR YOU BUT YOU HAD A LOT OF STUFF WITH HIM IN IT AND HES JUST A SMART LITTLE WHITE BOY#Damian became Robin in 2009 and weāve barely tapped into his psychology because comics is so hot buttoned right now#that they donāt know which aspect to deal with first and foremost and always choose Bruceās relationship as an easy out#Damian was Robin for barely 15 years and yet the guy that got DOUBLE his time is back for round 3. ok.#and here we are again.#Damian has proven himself to be so capable and smart his only downfall is his own hubris and inexperience#he has been trained SINCE BIRTH to use his head guys. a few years in America didnt take that out of him.#anyway. plz pick up a comic. damian would know better cause heās not an average 14 y/o and heās not just a traumatized little boy.#āohhhh he craves his dads attention and praise so much heād believe anything he saiiidddā WHO TOLD YOU THAT??? ZDARSKY??#WHAT WAS ALL OF HIS YEAR OF PENANCE ON THAT ISLAND FOR#WHAT WAS HIS ARC WITH DISTANCING HIMSELF FROM HIS FATHER A BIT IN THE WAKE OF NEEDING SOME TIME TO HIS OWN REVELATIONS#WHAT ABOUT IT. DID IT JUST NOT HAPPEN SUDDENLY#whatever.
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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')
#tomgreg#succession#dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel#and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited#so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen#thats the kind of person i am#dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor#i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg#only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual#oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before#but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine#i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...
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hi.
#i know most of you didnāt even realize i was gone#but manā¦#my mental health was like in a state of ššš in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldnāt shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes š„²)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#iām still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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cringe Kinito pet oc time ok
I know thereās definitely other sea urchin Kinitopet ocs somewhere out. There and I probably should of expected that before hand but Aourhrrrgh this stupid thing has grown on me guys Iām crasy anywhay this is it this is earl urrm,m,, itās scare activity thing is still in the works but the general idea is below šššš
Also liettol human concept because Iām a sucker for humanizing unhuman critters
huurrhhhhhgggghhhoufhhhh
#kinito fanart#kinitopet#kinito the axolotl#kinitopet oc#actually going insane#Losing my mind guys#Earl the urchin#The scare/activities doodles are rlly rough so if you have a hard time understandinh or like.#Need a clearer desc of whatās happening I would be OVERJOYED to tell you in like a reblog or comment section#Just btw#I am very scatterbrained I m sowwrryyyyyyyšā¹ļø
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man they werent lying astarion does look softer when he's lookin at romanced tav in act 3 . what the fuck man
#taking every inch of my being to not tack on hellefer pictures but i think i am losing#but i just . i dunno going thru my screenshots comparing him from act 1 to post cazador act 3 . . . dude its insane#its such a subtle difference but once u notice it its so Obvious and i love it#his face is less . tense ? i think is the word ?#sorry i finished his act 3 quest what 2 days ago and im never not thinking about it now#dannie games#bg3 spoilers#astarion#'why is he drenched in blood' thats just how it be#DO I TAG THIS AS SPOILERS ? I DUNNOOOO
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ok i got home and basically spent the entire afternoon thinking about the au. so uhhhh,,, here's some character sketches and notes
(click it for better quality cuz TUMBLR FUCKIN HATES ME OH MY GOD WHY)
btw for context, MePhone gets kicked out of Meeple headquarters for failing a mission near the start of the story. that's basically his drive, he wants to prove he's a good hunter so he'll be let back in and get his old life back. (bad idea lmao) (it does NOT end up going the way he wants to)
#its not their final designs btw#this is just so I have an image of them in my head while I write#I'll go insane if I dont#well. more insane than I currently am#I SWEAR THEYLL LOOK BETTER ONCE I ACTUALLY PUT EFFORT IN#anyways Ive started writing...#mostly just character profiles#but that's step one#next up is plot outline and ideas#were cooking guys#alien hunter au#<- again that's what I'm calling the au#bfdi tpot#tpot au#tpot fanart#two tpot#tpot#two bfdi#tpot two#twophone#ii mephone4#inanimate insanity mephone4#ii au#ii fa#crossover#bfb#ig#its sorta relevent#not yet tho#why do I have a million tags holy shit I'm losing it
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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