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artist-issues · 2 years ago

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Wow, where to start. And whether or not to bother.

You have so many points, none of which actually work together or have legs to stand on on their own. But they’re still…incorrect, so I’ll take the time to respond, not because it’ll change your mind, but because maybe it’ll help some readers who are also riled for the same “reasons” you are to think more carefully.

First off:

My blog has several posts about why the Live Action Remakes are all bad, and I dive just as deeply into Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. The fact that recent posts are about Little Mermaid is because right now, that’s what’s in theaters and that’s what’s on my mind. So, your assumption that I’m talking about it purely because of a race issue reveal your biases, not mine. You don’t know a thing about me, my race, my gender, my socio-economic background, my life, or any of the necessary factors to decide I’m picking on the black-girl movie. Not even what I usually blog about. But with all evidence to the contrary, that’s somehow still the conclusion you come to. 🤷‍♀️ What does that say about you?

As far as magic being important to children, that’s…just not the topic of conversation in my post. Because the “fact” that it’s objective point is to “bring joy to children” is not actually a fact. It’s just your opinion. The movie is marketed to children. That doesn’t mean it’s sole purpose is to be enjoyed by them. Disney is famous for making quality films that adults and children can enjoy together. So you don’t get to decide whether or not “any meaning we decide is secondary.” If only you saying it would make it so. 🤷‍♀️ That would make your points so much better.

Truth of the matter is, the animated film already brought joy to children. Show that movie to any kid today, in a theater, and you’ll get the same wonder and joy. That’s the “magic” of the original. The new one borrows off of it cheaply. If it didn’t need the magic of the original to get any kind of positive reaction, it wouldn’t be a remake; they would’ve just done something entirely new.

Finally, which is it? Is the joy and magic so important to children and are the representation and change and past transgressions so necessary to feel strongly about? OR—Do we all need to “grow up and be so serious’ because Disney movies are for kids? Because for someone who believes the second, you sure wrote a long post.

While you’re at it, do you actually want to point out any “past writing transgressions?” Or did you already get down off of your own high horse, so it’s too late to make actual arguments of your own?

No? Well. I’ll be here if you actually want to be reasonable and base your claims off of actual arguments instead of…conflicting points, personal attacks, and your own prejudices 🤷‍♀️

And another thing.

The original The Little Mermaid is about understanding. One of the main plot devices is that the witch takes what from Ariel, ladies and gentlemen?

Her voice.

Ariel did not leave the sea “for a boy.”

Ariel left the sea to be understood. Because for the whole first part of the movie, we’re shown hints of what her life is already like, and how she’s tried to be understood but nobody’s listening or communicating.

She’s introduced by describing a ship as amazing and wonderful, while her fish friend clearly does not understand and wants to get out of there.

Even her best friend doesn’t share her love for another world.

Her first interaction with her father, count how many times he’s speaking over her.

He has this prejudice against humans, and because she’s disobeyed him, he won’t listen to any of her evidence that they may not all be bad.

Even when she has a voice and a cavern full of proof that humans aren’t all barbarians, her father won’t listen to her, so he can’t understand.

And the truth is, she doesn’t have that much proof. She knows that humans are clever and make “wonderful things,” and that’s what she bases her belief in them on. But those beautiful objects, and her pretty ideals, are not enough to make her abandon her family and culture and world.

When she sings and talks about why she wants to be Part of That World, it’s because she wants to understand it. And, subconsciously, Ariel also hopes to be understood up there. Where they make cool devices, and maybe daughters can stand instead of being reprimanded. There’s this hope for freedom and being known associated with the surface.

But it’s not until she meets Eric that those ideals are really, actually, proven true.

Ariel sees Eric out on the sea exploring instead of staying in a palace on his birthday. He gets a gift from the closest person to him, and it’s clear that even the closest person to him doesn’t understand his tastes—he doesn’t want an over-dramatic statue of himself. He sticks to his ideals in an argument that somewhere out there, is the right girl for him. But he doesn’t have to leave the argument in frustrated tears. In the end, he risks his life to not only watch out for his friend, but nearly dies going back to a burning ship to save his dog.

Eric personifies everything Ariel has always idealized about the Human World—AND he might understand her.

In her one observation of him, she finds out that he, a human, is:

A Prince, but nobody can tell him what to do.

More interested in activity and exploration than palace ceremony.

Unable to relate to his closest companions.

Handsome—beautiful, not a savage.

Criticized for “silly, romantic notions” but sticks to the idea of something wonderful out there in the great beyond.

Brave, self-sacrificial, and compassionate to animals.

Eric is, all at once, everything Ariel always hoped a human could be, and yet still so like herself. They have twin souls.

She’d rather be exploring human ships, he’d rather be out exploring the sea. She believes the surface world is good and beautiful, he believes in the girl of his dreams, no matter what anyone says. She has nobody who gets excited about new adventures, and he has nobody who gets excited about new adventures.

When she sees him, she falls in love not just with his upstanding character, or even the human world he represents—she falls in love with the hope that he might understand her in away nobody under the sea does.

Then the ironic thing is, she’s got to make him understand who she is and what she should mean to him without a voice. And unfortunately, that’s really hard because he is suddenly associating his dream girl with a voice and a magical rescue.

As close as they may get when she finally does meet him face to face and gets herself human legs, Ariel and Eric can’t be together until he knows who she is, for real. After all, how can love be true without understanding?

And we’re not DONE with understanding. Because even after he learns what and who she is and still commits to her and saves her and loves her, Ariel’s back to having a tail. She’s back to being in a world where he can’t be.

Except now, Triton is the one who understands. He finally sees what they’ll do for each other—and that Eric, ”savage, spineless, harpooning fish eater with no regard” saved his daughter. He sees that they love each other and are each worthy of the other’s love.

It’s not until Triton understands what Ariel has known and felt all along that he gives her human legs the right way.

That’s the point of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. “True love is found in understanding and sacrificing for one another.”

Triton had the sacrificing idea down, but he didn’t have understanding. Eric had understanding, but he didn’t have the chance to sacrifice for it.

Ariel has both. She understands that Eric’s world is not only barbaric, but beautiful, and she’s willing to sacrifice her tail to be understood in that world.

That is what this movie is all about. And because they’re probably willing to sacrifice critical scenes, like the Prince saving the day (which is important because it provides Triton with a new understanding of humans) or the girl leaving the ocean to be with the boy (which is important because what she really wants is to be understood) the creators of the Live Action Little Mermaid are going to miss the point and ruin the movie.

#The little mermaid #again thanks for coming onto my post and telling me what I should care about and how I should demonstrate that care #on my own blog 😂#black little mermaid #discourse #the live action little mermaid #little mermaid live action #the little mermaid #tlm #mermaid #Ariel #the little mermaid 2023 #the little mermaid 1989 #Halle Bailey #jodi benson

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karalora · 4 years ago

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On Disney's Live-Action Remakes

A thought occurs to me, as I read all the emphatically well-deserved snark aimed at the Cruella movie, especially the aspects that make little sense in connection with the original animated film…what Disney is counting on, when they release these live-action remakes and perspective flips, is that the majority of the audience hasn’t watched the original any time recently. That we have fond memories of watching as kids and instantly recognize the characters, but aren’t actually what you’d call familiar with that source material. In fact, they are relying on us being more familiar with the pop-cultural osmosis version of these movies and characters—with the discourse—than the actual portrayals.

Why make an origin movie about Cruella DeVil? Why, because she is the MOST EVIL of all the Disney Villains—she wants to kill puppies!—and wouldn’t it be just fascinating to discover how she got that way? Never mind that anyone who actually watches Disney movies and thinks about it for more than five seconds will realize that most of the Villains want to kill people at one point or another, and that any decent system of morality rates killing people as worse than killing puppies (at least if, like Cruella, you don’t know the puppies are sapient beings)…puppy-killing is memetically The Worst Thing, so Cruella’s backstory is deemed The Most Intriguing.

How about Maleficent? Well, people have seen a lot of well-meaning but superficial discussions about the Disney Princess brand and sexism much more recently than they have watched Sleeping Beauty, so what they remember is “the Princess sleeps through her own movie” and therefore it is Unfeminist and Bad. Therefore, they are primed to accept that turning the story on its head to be about the wicked fairy, who is an empowered woman, AND making it a rape-revenge story on top of that (awareness!), is More Feminist and also The Truth All Along.

Never mind that Sleeping Beauty, on its own, is a perfectly serviceable feminist movie, because the major movers and shakers of the story on both sides are all powerful women (and indeed, Maleficent can’t reckon entirely without the Good Fairies…so it makes them cowardly buffoons, diminishing three women in order to elevate one. Much empowered. So feminism. Wow).

Or take Beauty and the Beast. Now, that is one that adults actually watch frequently enough, so they couldn’t get too screwy with the plot and characterization, but boy oh boy did the internet discourse rear its head. You know how people are always noticing that Disney Princesses never have moms? Well, we’re gonna explain what happened to Belle’s mom! (She died. Of a disease. This of course changes our understanding of Belle on a fundamental level oh wait no it changes literally nothing) You know how modern people living in individualistic democracies criticize the Enchantress for punishing the Prince’s servants for his jackassery? We’re gonna explain that too! (See, it was sort of their fault he turned out so rotten, because they didn’t raise him better, which is definitely something the hired help in a monarchy has any control over). And on and on it goes, laser-focused on addressing what people think they know about the movie rather than being any sort of meaningful examination of its themes a generation later.

Hell, this mentality is even seeping into the animated features now. People are wondering where Elsa’s powers came from? Fine, make a sequel that explains it. Any sensible and confident creator would be able to say “It’s not important why she has powers. That’s not what the story is about. You don’t need to know where her powers came from anywhere than you need to know where Peter Pan’s powers came from.” (Except that apparently people have been asking where Peter Pan’s powers came from, because there’s an entire cottage industry dedicated to writing Peter’s origin story.)

I’m starting to drift, so I’ll wrap this up. Not only is Disney buying up every media empire under the sun to mine for new material since they can’t be bothered to make up their own anymore, they’re doing the same thing to their own back-catalogue. But that only works if the audience doesn’t have any more respect for the back-catalogue than the company does. So do yourself a favor, you with the Disney+ account that you only use to watch the new stuff as it comes out: Go back and watch the classics. When you hear that Disney is gearing up for another live-action remake of a decades-old animated feature, watch the animated one. Take it as it is, on its own terms, instead of looking for stuff that Cracked.com would have a field day with.

Disney can’t skin the puppies if people are still petting them. Go pet those puppies, and you’ll know to say no to the fur coat.

#disney #cruella #101 dalmatians #maleficent #mulan #the beauty and the beast #the fucking state of media engagement these days

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praphit · 2 years ago

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Praphit’s Pinocchio!

I've said before, that I'm not into these live-action Disney films; I consider them a scam. They're selling me a story that they've already told me. It always feels a bit stale, doesn't it?? Now, I WILL bleep with certain remakes, but normally, the best remakes are the ones where enough time has gone by, and people don't even remember/know there is an original.

"Pinocchio" is a story that's older than Bernie Sanders., but it's been remade SO MANY times.

BUT, this time, we've got a Hankypank alert.

My main man, Tom Hanks can sell me on pretty much anything, so I'm in. Who doesn't love Tom?? A great actor and from what I can tell, a lovable human being. Whatever part of the soul that one loses when they become famous, somehow Tom Hanks has kept. If I'm going to be scammed, it might as well be by him.

Tom Hanks plays Geppetto (of course, Pinoc's papa). Probably no need to recap, but I'll do one anyway:

G is a wood carver, who makes clocks that he won't sell. I don't know how he stays in business that way, but whatever. He is grieving the loss of his family (wife and son). We're not told what happened to them.

Maybe they died.

Maybe they left. Perhaps Geppetto was selling drugs on the side to pay the bills, and his family found out. They didn't want to become like that "Ozark" family, so they split town.

Maybe his family never existed, cuz G is a lil... crazy.

I don't like to throw the C word around, but it may apply here for Geppetto.

Let's say you have a grandpa that you go to visit. You find out that he's living at work and he has surrounded himself with cuckoo clocks. You take him out, and he insists on bringing his cat and goldfish.

And when you bring gramps back home (again, his work) you discover that he has built himself a son out of wood. What would YOU call that? :) Idk. We'll just say that his family was whisked off by... Michael Myers, and we'll keep it moving.

G proceeds to conjure some sort of rogue, mischievous spirit into his home (played by Cynthia Ervio - she was excellent, and hits a Mariah Careyish high note).

This spirit casts an animation spell on the wooden boy (Pinoc), and appoints a hobo cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon Levitt), who could be defeated by a hungry bird, a foot, a gust of wind, or even a jar - to watch over Pinocchio.

This spirit says for now you're just a living lump of wood, but if you live right and your heart is pure, then perhaps I'll change you into a REAL BOY!

We all know of the fun of this town in which Pinoc's explores:

There's the fox (Keegan Michael Key),

whom (animation and voice wise) I love everything about... although he's kind of a human trafficker.

There's a slaveowner (aka Stromboli).

(perfect picture of health and sanity)

FYI - there's a sexy "employee" (Kyanne Lamaya) of the slaveowner, who's a bit of a weirdo.

I don't like to throw around the W word either, but... she's a puppeteer, so I feel like that label is valid for anyone of that trade. Will she be fun and playful or become a Batman villain?

- that's part of her mystique.

They meet a devil (No prob throwing the D word around), who's the gatekeeper to some sort or temptation island (Luke Evans, also excellent as this dude "The Coachman").

On this island, kids end up indulging in all kinds of naughty behavior. As a result, they turn into donkeys.

(I couldn’t resist :) Can you imagine if the kids, instead of donkey traits, started growing strange blond hair and their skin turned orange?? Best Pinocchio movie ever.

This whole premise is never really explained. Like... how? and why?

The kids are turned into donkeys and then sold. But, who wants donkeys??!

I get the whole "Hey, if you act like a jackass, you'll turn into one." thing, but... every asshole kid that I've ever met didn't become that way on their own; let's give their parents some credit.

AND there's a sea monster that the whole town knows about, but doesn't seem interested in getting rid of it. It's just out there creeping, destroying, and consuming. I'm not sure if there's some kind of metaphoric thing happening here or not... we'll just call it climate change for now :)

In the end (spoiler alert... though can I spoil a story that's older than Mick Jagger?),

Pinocchio's purity is tested, but proves worthy of him becoming a real boy. Or at least... that's how this story is supposed to end.

This story does not end that way. Something about Pinocchio being fine just the way he is.... and if you're truthful blah blah blah, and him being like a real boy inside or... something. If it were me, and I had gone through all of these stupid tests to become a "real boy" and that bitchass spirit DIDN'T make good on that promise... whew, I'd be pissed!

"The hell with all of that love ya as you are BS! Look here, pops, you conjure that fairy back here right now, and get me my flesh and blood body, or there WILL BE TROUBLE! You hear me, old man??!"

Grade?

The problem here is that there are not enough changes to this version to make it worth the watch. There are a plethora of Pinocchio titles to choose from, but why should I choose this one?

There's a bunch of creepy Pinoc's

(seriously... that’s haunting)

One from the future (I think... I may have dreamed that one, but I’m pretty sure I remember a futuristic, robotic Pinocchio)

One with 0% on RT

How bad does it have to be not to get at least 1%??

A Korean one :)

and even one of Revenge.

Although I don't know whom he'd be getting revenge on. All of the bad stuff that happens is kinda his fault. Perhaps he's getting revenge for how this story originally ends. I hear it didn't go to well for Pinoc back then.

Nothing is different here! In fact, some of the goodies of the childhood story are taken out. You've got a great actor in The Hankypank Man, whom if you've noticed, I didn't mention much. He's barely in this story!

Now, you might say, "But, Praphit, this is a story about Peeneezy." Yeah, but his story is old and stale.

How about deal with all of the mental illness and monsters that seem to be running freely through this town. That's what I would do, if I were doing a remake.

In "Praphit's Pinocchio" , we'd start by giving Tom some more shine. We'll clean him up. Get him a suit.... or maybe JUST dress pants... cuz we're giving The Hankypank man a Marvel bod. TIGHT dress pants for the Hankypank Man’s new tight ass... sex sells. Slick his hair back. Maybe rock a monocle. He'll sweet talk the ladies of the community and sell some clocks... maybe do some house visits to the ladies, and make them whatever they desire out of his wood.

THEN, he'll summon the spirit, she'll make Pinocchio real from the jump this time. Then, G will cast her into Hell where she belongs (that's my Christian background speaking :) Don't worry, she'll do a song and dance on her way to Hell -we'll make it family-friendly and fun.

Then, Pinocchio will grow up big and strong, and become a cop (cuz there doesn't appear to be any in this town full of criminals). Tom Hanks, gettin money and booty. And his son, cleaning up crime.

Those of changes, baby!

Hey, Disney, that's what a remake looks like!

Disney might reply "Yeah, but this is what money looks like."

Can't argue with that. Might as well make that plus sign in “Disney +” a money symbol.

Not a bad watch, but... it just doesn’t stand out.

Grade: C

#pinocchio #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #DisneyPlus #Marvel #TomHanks #Disney #Geppetto #Praphit #Fairies #Hell #monsters #keeganmichaelkey #josephgordonlevitt #remakes #money #horror

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popculturebuffet · 3 years ago

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Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Ember Island Players Review (Birthday Review for Jess-The-Vampire)

Happy Birthday Jess! Yes this review is a gift for one of my best friends, @jess-the-vampire. Followers of the blog have likely seen her mentioned as she’s watched several review subjects with me and given me her thoughts when I cover a Star VS or Owl House episode. But more than that she’s one of the people closest to me, a good friend who tolerates my anxious BS with grace, watches way too much scooby doo with me and draws me neat pictures, with my Icons being enitrely thanks to her. She makes my life better just by being in it and providing someone to talk to and for that I can’t thank her enough. I love you man.

So for her birthday review , after some thought I was suprised she went not with more scooby doo, including the one where scooby looks like he’s been through Vietnam:

But instead another show we both loved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I haven’t talked about this one yet and that’s because I was going to cover it season by season at some point along with it’s sequel and still might, but i’m not opposed to covering individual episodes, good and bad either. So if you have an episode of the show you want me to cover, feel free to comissoin it for just five bucks an episode and i’ll find a way to add it to the schedule as soon as possible. Just hit up my ask or messages to talk over which one you want and get my paypal for payment.

Anyways I am happy to finally talk about the show. Avatar was easily my faviorite show in my late middle school and early high school years, a masterpiece of animation that has such a large fanbase it’s only GROWN in the decades since the show wrapped, with help from a healthy number of dvd releases, a decent sequel show with a groundbreaking ending, sequel comics for both shows, prequel novels and Nick cranking out merch including a fairly recent line of high quality action figures. And the show’s only going to keep growing with a proper live action remake coming soon from Netflix, and plans to make more spinoffs for Paramount+. It also had a movie, I guess, which I guess I have to both watch and cover at some point.

I love this show and desperately need to rewatch it. It has deep character arcs, plenty of humor and probably the most elaborate and well thought out worldbuilding i’ve seen, grabbing from Chinese, Japanese and Innuit history to craft the four nations and going to actual martial artists to craft the series gorgeously animated bending styles. The series shows a level of detail, scope and effort that was little seen at the time and even as most cartoons since have followed in it’s footsteps, it still stands as one of the most beautifully crafted. It’s not perfect of course, it has it’s dud episodes, one of which gets beautifully roasted here, but their just not enough to take down the whole epic.

So naturally i’m starting not only one episode from the end but with the episode that lovingly spoofs the entire damn series. This episode is a faviorite of mine and many fans for good reason as it takes the journey so far and abridged series’ it for 24 glorious minutes. There are shots at what fans likely miswrote characters as, the creators own mistakes, and just some general fun with the premise. It’s a nice pallette cleanser before the intsense and utterly awesome finale so let’s talk about it shall we under the cut.

Our plot gets started at the Fire Lord Family Beach House, the current base for Team Avatar. Aang is doing some firebending training with Zuko while the others watch. Katara understandably asks “Won’t the Fire Lord you know, find out we’re crashing in his swanky beach house”, but Zuko’s retort is brutal as it is helpful “He hasn’t been to this place since the last time my family was happy”

I really hope the Avatarverse has therapists because Zuko needs ALL of them. Their interrupted from Zuko’s sad childhood and present day when Sokka and Suki arrive, holding up a poster. As it turns out a local theater troupe, the ember island players, is doing a play recounting our heroes exploits. If your wondering how the hell they got this info, the playwright apparently interviewed, in order: The annoying hippies from the cave of two lovers, the pirates from the water scroll episode, various prisoners of war (i.e. all their friends and allies captured during the day of black sun debacle) and the Cabbage Man. Finally his suffering got him somewhere.

Zuko is less than thrilled since these players apparently butchered love and dragons every year but the rest of the Gaang is excited to go since it could be a fun palette cleanser before the upcoming battle. Plus come on man troupes change their members frequently. Only four of the current roster of team starkid have been there since day one. They might of gotten some fresh new talent.

So our heroes go to a show with Aang wearing a pope hat to cover up his tattoos and Toph stuck only listening to the play since they got the cheap seats.

With that our play begins with where our story did: the boy in the iceberg. We meet the play versoins of the main trio. The Ember Island versions of our heroes are voiced by an all-star cast which i’ll break down as we go. Sokka is voiced by my blingdy blongidy boy Scott Melenville, aka Kevin French, Robin in both the good and bad teen titans shows, and a lot of side rolls in scooby doo movies for some reason. Seriously me and Jess have watched them all, he’s in their a suprising amount.

Katara is played by Grey DeLeise, aka Azula as well as Daphne Blake for the last few decades among many, MANY other roles. if you’ve watched a cartoon in the last two decades she’s probably been in it. Finally we have Rachel Dratch of SNL fame as Aang, who in this play is played by an adult woman as a nod to the stage versions of peter pan.

The Gaang aren’t happy with their play counterparts: Sokka’s is reduced to talking about his stomach which is now his entire character instead of half of it, Katara talks about hope and cries and worries a lot, so spot on there, and Aang is a loveable trickster ala peter pan. Basically their the characters boiled down to which trait would be the most funny and it’s just fantastic, as is the gaang’s facial reactoins to this, with Suki and Toph needling them about how their portyals are spot on. We also get a fantastic puppet of appa and Momo is reduced to a monkeything and a hand puppet. Look they had to put the budget into the Appa puppet he’s in more of the show. Momo is just sorta there. Finding Aang makes the siblings tearbend and makes me do it too from laughter.

Speaking of which we get to Zuko who famously goes on about HONOR every five minutes. There are honestly WAY too many memetic lines to pack in here and just about every bit of the play is hilarious. It’s 24 minutes of top notch self parody. Anyways in a fun gag Zuko is played by Derek Basco, Dante’s brother. Less fun is their iroh who just talks about food and having fun because , as we learn with the climax this play is partly propaganda, so naturally a public traitor like Iroh wouldn’t be treated all that well. His uncle not only being a mockery of himself, but seeing how he used to treat the old man really gets to Zuko and that’ll only grow as the play goes on. Iroh is played by John DiMaggio, who likely needs no introduction but just in case he’s bender, Jake the dog and most recently Col. Dolphman.

So we get a condensed version of season one with some truly top notch gags, from Play!Sokka getting chased around by a man in a fur suit during the bumi part of things, to the play version of katara egging Jet (played by Dee Bradley Barker who did the animal noises for this show and every show before or since) into drowning the city, to my two favorite bits.

The first is one i’d forgotten as in the play the blue spirit is not zuko but a separate entity that frees Aang and then they dance, both for the goofyness of the blue spirit head.. but mostly for Aang and Zuko’s baffled reactions that just scream

The best though is the one that stuck with me all these years:

“Oh look the Great Divide The Biggest Canyon in the Earth Kingdom!”

“Eh Let’s keep flying”

We get some more fun antics and end Book 1 with an intermission, with the crew commeserating over how bad their counteparts are while Suki laughs at their misfortunes and failings.. only for Sokka to point out you know, her stint in prison. Toph is laughing all the way though.

Naturally you’d assume as Act 2 begins that Toph’s enjoyment at the other’s misfortune would lead to her commpuance but unlike Aang, who unnecessarily whines about his actress being a girl, Toph is utterly happy to realize her actor is a muscle man played by John DiMaggio, as that’s clearly who she WANTS to be, and is entertained by the guy screaming to see. Though really given Tophs is probably the least insulting of the main cast it’s easy to see why.

We go through book 2, meeting Azula as played by Tara Strong, and the crew poke fun at a less liked episode again as the reenactment of the drill goes on for the same amount of eternities as it did in the actual episode. My faviorite bit of this section though is when they get to the reenactment of Jet’s brainwashing and death with this equally famous exchange

Zuko: Did Jet just die? Sokka: You know it’s really unclear

A goof on the fact many fans, myself included, geninely weren’t sure if he survived or not. He did not if you were curious. Less amusing to Aang at least though is the play shipping Zutra, with play Katara saying Aang’s too young for her and like a brother to her, as many fans likely did to brush off the ship despite obvious evidence of his crush on her. This causes Aang to leave in a huff. I do like the writers giving a nod to how much the audeince shipped Zutra, I thankfully was blissfully unaware of the shipping wars. They also have both Katara and Zuko more embarrassed by it than anything to show where there real otp opinions lie.

So after the reenactment of the season finale that hilariously just has Iroh shoved down when Zuko chooses team evil, we get intermission and the Gaang splits up: Katara, worried about Aang goes to look for him, Sokka, annoyed at his portrayal, goes to pitch some jokes to his actor with Suki sneaking him in, and Zuko is sulking.

He explains his reasons to Toph when pressed: For her the play is fun as she gets to be an uber badass who takes out a hundered bad guys with swords and spout one liners, just like real life. Zuko on the other hand had to relieve every shitty thing he did to his uncle and the rest of the gaang and is sad he never got to properly reconcile with Iroh or make his true father proud. Toph helps cheer him up though, bringing up the time she and Iroh hung out back in season 2, and how , even when they were estranged at the time, Iroh couldn’t stop talking about his nephew and how proud he was of the boy and that all he wanted was for Zuko to find the right path. And Toph figures he has, having found true friends, a better purpose and become his own man. Zuko actually smiles at this which is rarer than an eclipse so good for Toph

Sokka’s bit is just some fun as his actor counterpart isn’t happy to hear more suggestions until one of Sokka’s jokes makes him laugh, and thus gladly takes in his notes. I also like Sukki int his, both eyerolling at her boyfriends jokes while also clearly being happy when the actor likes them. She dosen’t tolerate Sokka’s shit, it’s the bedrock of her relationship, but she does love him for who he is and support him. It’s a good relationship and better than I honestly remembered.

Worse than I remembered though... is Aang and Katara. Back at the time of the show I shipped the hell out of them because the show told me to. I was naive like that back then. Now I get that just because the show has a main ship dosen’t mean you have to root for it. I still do sometimes, Luz and Amity, Stolas and Blitzo, btu that’s because the show’s given me proper investment in it instead of just saying “here accept this”. When a show does that it rarely works and even shows i geninely love like final space are really bad with that.

This show is obviously no exception: the ship tease was handled frustratingly, just kinda sprinkled throughout with no resolution, not helped by the promos fully exploiting the shipping for ratings. I mean it worked but it dosen’t make it any less frustrating. Over 61 episodes of show no real progress is made in their relationship romantically. it just sorta happens in the finale because that’s what they’ve been waiting for. It was a really nasty habit of 2000′s era shows to have tons of build up for a couple but no actual getting them together until the finale IF THAT. Thankfully that seems to be buried in this day and age outside of one or two shows, but god is it not great to come back to. That said Legend of Korra would get SO MUCH WORSE in seasons 1 and 2 before course correcting in season 3, downplaying the romance stuff to more cute and tolerable sideplots and having it’s main romance be far gayer and more interesting than any of the series main romances thus far, and only not showing it on screen because Nick felt strangulation was okay but gays weren’t till the last minute of the series. The comics thankfully course correct this.

My point is the romance wasn’t handled well and this scene is ESPECIALLY bad, possibly the worst of it outside of Cave of Two Lovers: Aang asks if Katara REALLY sees him like a brother like her play version then asks how she does feel when she says no. She RESONABLY points out they have a war to fight, that she just can’t think about this now and maybe when it’s over. Aang then asks when then. While she is SLIGHTLY stalling I can’t blame her: these feelings are confusing and again she has a war to fight, a war neither of them might come back from. Maybe wait till it’s over and you both live. Instead Aang kisses her.

Just.. nothing is right here, and Katara rightfully storms off. Just... ewww.. I get consent wasn’t as well defined then but read the room riders. The two get back in time for Zuko to join up and to see the plays ending.. which to Sokka’s confusion goes beyond what they’ve experinced. The ending is one of the best parts of the episode... and as you’d expect from a play that’s mildly propaganda it ends BADLY for our heroes: Zuko is killed holdling off Azula and Aang dies despite having mastered the four elements as the Fire Lord has the comet. The audience cheers as Aang gasps in horror at what COUDL be his future and his friends gape at what will happen to the world if they don’t win. There’s a comedy scene after this where they all talk about how much they didn’t like the play.. but it doesn't undercut the ending. It’s surprisingly terrifying, letting our heroes and audience know their not safe, anyone can die in the finale coming up and reminding them the stakes. It also nicely foreshadows the finale in places: on Zuko’s end, it foreshadows his final battle with azula and having seen this gives reason besides his love of the guy for finding Iroh: Zuko is genuinely certain he cannot win a fight with her. it also amps up Aang’s fears, as well as highlights the fact that he HASN’T mastered all four elements. He’s learned all four and can use them well, but he’s not a master yet... while his opponent is about to get a massive boost. It’s a gloomy but necessary button to an awesome episode

Final Thoughts: This episode is a masterpiece: the jokes are all pitch perfect, there’s tons of comedy, but there’s also small subtle setups for the finale that I mentioned. Other than that godawful Kataang scene, it’s a truly excellent love letter to the series from it’s own creators as they readied to say goodbye to it. It’s worth checking out again if you haven’t seen it in a while> Truly great. And I hope to return to this series one day. For now though, follow for more reviews of various cartoons and thanks for reading.

#avatar the last airbender #aang #katara #sokka #toph #zuko #suki #the ember island players #nickelodeon #paramount plus #paramount+

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kingofthewilderwest · 4 years ago

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Hello there! First things first, I just wanted to say I love your posts! And I would like to ask something: if there ever was made an animated series adapting the books of "How to Train Your Dragon", what would be your thoughts? Like, how long do you think it should be? Who do you think should be a part of the voice cast?

Hello there! And thank you so much! :)

So I know I have a post, several years old, where I go through this topic. I can’t find it right now because 1). I just woke up half an hour ago and my mind is as alert as a broken-up brick, 2). I’m lazy, and 3). even with all my tricks of refinding my old posts, sometimes the internet doesn’t want to cooperate. Anyway! Never hurts to talk about again. ^.^ I don’t think my thoughts have changed much in the intervening years, but might as well “update” anyway. XD

I love the idea of the How to Train Your Dragon book series being faithfully adapted into a television show. Specifically, I believe that the HTTYD book series would make a wonderful single season 2D animated series.

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I am very emphatic that the animation style be 2D animation. The book series has a glorious childish whimsy and charm to it. It screams for an adaptation where the animation style can be as whimsical and charming as it is.

Now. The movie series and the overarching DreamWorks Dragons franchise worked, yes. But while the DreamWorks Dragons franchise tried to thread the needle of whimsical dragon designs and 3D animated realism, ultimately the animation style and the storytelling constraints of a movie trilogy meant making changes to the source material. They made the right choice. Movies are a medium well-suited for certain types of narratives and not as well suited for other types of narratives. You have to sweep in quickly, hook the audience, rapidly stab a few themes in there, and sweep out. It only makes sense that, as DreamWorks sought to make a successful movie, they altered the source material to make higher stakes, more action, greater realism, story changes for succinct thematic material they could use, etc.

But when we’re talking about a faithful adaptation to the books, 3D animation wouldn’t evoke the right mood that the books’ story needs. Not as optimally, anyway, especially with the default stylistic trends we have in 3D animation today. 2D animation would better give us the vibe we want. Cressida Cowell herself made specific choices about how to illustrate the books. She intentionally started with simple, childish artwork. It matured and gained greater detail over the course of the book series, but that artwork never lost its youthful vibe. Now, I wouldn’t want the animators to draw the this hypothetical tv series like Cowell’s art, but I would want them to take inspiration from the heart of what she did. The HTTYD book series is the story of a small boy growing up in an enchanting fantastical world. That screams 2D animation use.

I would be immediately grumpy if someone tried for a live action remake instead.

I also would push for voice actors to come from the region HTTYD is supposed to take place. We’re not going to go back a thousand years and use dialects that were in use a thousand years ago. That’s too much. But the HTTYD books take place on Scottish islands. Make Hiccup’s English-speaking voice actor, make everyone’s voice actors (aside from like, the Romans, etc.) Scottish.

The DreamWorks movies intentionally created a dialectical division between generations. I understand the affect they were going for, but that affect relies on linguistic biases that need to be removed (why are North American voices considered “more modern”? why are we still in a world where Scottish actors get repeatedly passed over?). In truth, most linguistic shortcuts in movies rely on sociolinguistic stereotypes that perpetuate bias and crap, so I will always be in favor of removing those. Talk to me more about that later if you’d like. Plus, what DreamWorks did is highly unrealistic, and as a linguist, it’s hard for me to ignore, haha. I don’t care what Watsonian explanations you try to use, that’s not how languages work. Let’s get some good Scottish dialectical representation going instead!

I do not care as much what individual humans are part of the voice cast. I have headcanons for how each character sounds, but I can’t take what I imagine in my head and project that onto any real human beings I know about. If they’re good in the role, that’s what matters. I also think that, while there are marvelous VAs out there whose reputation is well-earned, who are working in their field of expertise, we need to get away from celebrity power impacting hiring choices, too. Some countries are better than others about this.

A television show for the HTTYD book series could be done in a single season. I am someone who believes that story should never be rushed, but it also should never be unnecessarily stretched. Good creators know how long a story should be and limit it to that. The majority of HTTYD books in the first half of the series could be adapted into single 30 minute episodes. Will that delete material? Of course. But that’s the name of the game of television show adaptations anyway. A Hero’s Guide to Deadly Dragons would make a good single episode and a single episode is all we need. How to Cheat a Dragon’s Curse would make a great single episode and a single episode is all we need.

For the latter half of the book series, the books get longer, and there’s more drama to cover. Some of these could be split into two episodes. Still, we’d be looking at what? A series of about 16 episodes, maybe? No more than 20. Do not make it more than 20.

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I think that a faithful adaptation of the book series could be INCREDIBLE! But they’d have to make the right artistic choices to successfully adapt the heart.

#httyd books #faq #so I don't lose it again hahaha #How to Train Your Dragon #httyd #analysis #my analysis #DreamWorks Dragons #ask #ask me #awesome anonymous friend #originalavenuefox

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leaderintitleonly · 3 years ago

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Anonymous asked:

Question for the mun: What do you think is the best or least bad Disney Live-Action Remake?

Haha you came for me too. Other than 101 Dalmatians in ‘96 which I hold to be the standard of Disney remakes... Here’s what you have to realize is my low bar of remakes: Do what you couldn’t do originally. Add something to embellish. Do not do a complete remake that’s word for word. Fix technical errors. Add for runtime if the original was very short. Alright so... Let’s start with what remakes I think are the most dumpster fire. That would be Cruella, Maleficent, and The Jungle Book. BUT GASP. Everyone loves that one. And okay. Okay I hear you. ...The remake removes all of the intentionally placed gay subtext between Baloo and Bagheera. Because you gotta remember, The Jungle Book is actually racist bs that Rudyard Kipling wrote so that white people would be encouraged to keep races separate. The idea is a metaphor to keep the jungle to the jungle and the civilized people to the civilized people. Yes, this is racist metaphor. BTW there’s a bag company called Kipling named after Rudyard Kipling and they use a gorilla as a mascot. Just... think about that for a second. ANYWAY!

Disney... knew this and turned this into an adoption story that is more relevant to the 70s. Instead of that crap, it is “Mowgli is an interracial adoptee and he has a right to know where he came from.” This was a hot topic in the 70s and is still a hot topic today. I would know. I am adopted. My parents saw this film and it convinced them they should become adoptive parents and did not care where that baby came from so... here I am. Rock you like a hurricane. Walt did something decent before he died when he touched this. He didn’t touch it hard and remember, Disney’s black animators (yes they exist holy crap) worked on this film. So. Yeah it’s garbage. That’s all garbage. The remakes either remove queer subtext (looking at you Lion King you took it out) that has been there for years or it adds things that tend to become really offensive when you actually sit down and take a breath (Maleficent sweetie really). A’ight so. So shoving that out of the way. Grudgingly, I pick Aladdin. And I know what happened. What you don’t know is... people are racist and needed Middle Eastern actors to tan because “that’s not dark enough for a majority white audience” so enjoy the colorism that is rampant in the Disney fandom. We could honestly talk about the discourse that happened and the harassment that followed all the actors but... let’s not. And I don’t like the movie because GASP I MUST WHITE KNIGHT. I like it because it’s a dull stick in the eye compared to a sharp one.

Jafar isn’t a pedophile. Rejoice.

Jafar wasn’t woobified. Get wrecked, Cruella. I hope the real Cruella rips out your hair.

Jasmine gets the bare minimal of explanation I needed. She wants to be Sultana. Sultan is too afraid because her mother was literally murdered. Historically, sultanas existed but right now he’s too scared.

Speaking of the Sultan, he’s not an idiot. He’s just afraid. When we’re afraid we can do foolish things and I deeply appreciated it. Like I could have gone for “oh this is why he collects toys” but hey, I got an explanation. Two seconds was all it took.

Speechless is relatable. Beyond relatable. And the scene is very beautiful.

Mena Massoud is an excellent Aladdin. I do love Brad Kane, but at this point I prefer Mena Massoud’s performance. He’s great. There’s an innocence to his voice and yet a very matter-of-fact when he’s living that Street Rat life. Brad Kane just Broadway’s it and while that’s still great since that’s the Aladdin we all grew up with, Mena takes me there slowly.

The first version of Friend Like Me is horrific and feels stiff. The credits version feels much better and as if Will Smith finally makes the character his own. Why we didn’t get that and a Bollywood style dance in the Cave of Wonders BEFORE the credits, IDK! But that’s a better performance.

Will Smith does have scenes where Genie feels like the actual Genie. Problem is... it’s inconsistent. And that’s upsetting because it looks like Will Smith knows what he’s doing so I want to “talk” to the director.

JAMS. STOP TALKING. ABOUT THE JAMS.

Arabian Nights has a much better rewrite. God like that’s such a bop and I don’t feel unclean like the first one always made me feel like that. Also the visuals of the ship coming into the port? Uuuugh. drooling.

I actually didn’t miss Iago. But is it because they didn’t use Gilbert Gottfried for the squawking or...? Hey, I didn’t miss him. You will not miss him at all. Turns out... Unless it’s Return of Jafar, you don’t need Iago at all. Which surprised me.

A little bitter it’s not Eden with Genie but hey, he’s happy and that makes me happy.

Okay but when you mix BOTH A Friend Like Me together it is ear candy having that duet.

And I know that’s the hottest take ever. These reasons are such a hot take... But I consider it a dull stick in my eye compared to a sharp stick. Cause nah really, all the remakes are accepting a stick in your eye.

#disney remake discourse #mun speaks #long post #you got an essay anon are you happy

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sunnysaylorboy · 4 years ago

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my opinion on/a surprisingly passionate defense of Mulan (2020) (SPOILERS)

I’ve seen a lot of ppl ragging on the new Mulan for so many reasons, so I will go over why these (mostly) are stupid reasons and why I love the new movie.

1. Liu Yifei supporting the Hong Kong police. Now this is not a stupid reason, this is valid. I am an East Asian studies major, and as much as I love Disney, when I first heard the news I knew I could not watch Mulan (2020) in good conscience. It went against everything I have learned in my studies, and everything I believe. However, now I am almost positive Liu Yifei was forced to make those comments- I've seen several sources saying so recently. You can look for these sources on your own, because this isn’t the whole point of my post, but I think it's true. A movie about a woman defying her government and social expectations of the time? Hong Kong citizens could absolutely use her as a symbol for protesting against China. It makes sense that the government would take preventative measures before this could happen. But anyways, I was not planning on watching Mulan (2020) until I found out that what she said was most likely fake/forced.

2. The removal of Mushu. Yes, I too miss Mushu but I completely understand why they did that. A lot of ppl make these sort of complaints about the live action remakes not using humor in the same way as the original, but that’s bc it doesn’t translate well. Humor in animated movies is exaggerated or silly, and it works in that medium but if you do the exact same in a live action film, it will come off as too slapstick. Think Will Ferrell in Elf (still a good movie). Mushu’s whole character is based off of this humor that appeals more to kids, and it would have really made the dialogue with him super cringey. and I know if they made him a more serious supportive character people would've complained about that too, so I understand why they did it.

3. The removal of Li Shang. I miss our bisexual boy too, but I actually think they did a really great job with the new guy Honghui. The directors removed Li Shang because he is in a sense, Mulan’s boss, and they felt that it was too much like the #MeToo movement, which I applaud. At first I was upset that supposedly this new character would be a jerk to Mulan until he found out she was a girl, but that's not what happened in the film fortunately. Honghui and Mulan start off on the wrong foot but they grow as comrades and sort-of friends, and Honghui is the first to stick by Mulan’s side when she reveals who she is. Even if there aren’t as many signals of him being bi, I think they progressed their relationship nicely. (I was sorta hoping for a kiss at the end though).

4. Mulan’s “chi.” Apparently people do not like that Mulan already has a sort of warrior streak inside of her already, as opposed to the 1998 version where she struggles to get used to the army. I think this is an overgeneralization. Mulan does struggle to become a soldier, as we can see in the training montage. Similar to the pole and the arrow at the top, she cannot reach the top of the mountain carrying the buckets with her arms outstretched like everyone else at first- then when she manages to do it, she knows she has proven herself. Plus, I like that they gave her more character. We don’t see any of Mulan’s childhood years in the original, so it is a little hard to understand why she is such an outcast. She only had one incident with the matchmaker and suddenly she is questioning her identity. But the 2020 version establishes that Mulan has been different from the start and everyone has known it since then. It makes it more believable that she brings dishonor on her family so easily. And just because she has strong chi doesn’t necessarily mean she is already a warrior. She is told to hide her chi as a child, and she does not tap into it easily- her commanding officers can sense something is holding her back. She is special, yes, but she isn’t “the chosen one.” She still works hard and she still relies a lot on her strategy instead of brute force just like in the animated version.

5. Lack of musical numbers. I do miss the musical numbers. But they did well with incorporating the musical themes from the original into the movie. The little “Honor to Us All” theme playing while she gets ready for the matchmaker? Perfect. The bit of “Reflection” playing when she reaches the top of mountain? Beautiful. And “Reflection” playing at the end when she is recognized as a hero? I was bawling. Also, this isn’t the first remake that Disney hasn’t made as a musical- the 2015 Cinderella did not include “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” (except in the credits like Mulan did), or “Bibbidi-Bobbido-Boo,” or “So This is Love.” I know that Cinderella is an older movie and may not be as beloved to this generation as Mulan, but those song are still incredibly iconic to the Disney brand and I didn't see anyone complaining about those songs being removed. Idk, I don’t think it’s a big enough deal to be upset over it, especially because they included instrumentals of the songs for the live-action version.

6. The addition of the witch. I can’t believe people are complaining about the personification of the hawk from the first movie- seriously, watch the remake and you’ll see how great Xian Liang’s character is. I love the parallels drawn between her and Mulan. Despite fighting for opposite sides, she sees herself in Mulan, and Mulan sees how she might end up if she had chosen the route of evil. I think they did it wonderfully and I’m definitely not gay for Gong Li...

7. The cost. This one, I understand. $30 is a lot to pay for a movie, but I get it because they’re losing money from not going to theaters for a few months. I paid the $30 because I felt like I had waited long enough to see it, I was foaming at the mouth the night of its release, and I had $30 I was willing to spend on it. Ofc Disney is a multi-million dollar company, so I don’t begrudge anyone pirating it bc screw capitalism.

I just had to get this off my chest because so many criticisms of this film seem so unjustified, weak, or deliberately negative. I swear, not just with Mulan, I see so many people who hate the live-action remakes- it’s like they’re trying to find things to hate about them, and I'm frankly getting sick of it. Like damn bitch why you gotta be so negative about everything?? The acting is great, the music is phenomenal and timeless, the costumes are so extravagant, the action sequences make you hold your breath in anticipation... y'all will find anything to whine about and I'm TIRED. And it seems like some of y'all are purposefully ignoring WHY they made these changes. These changes were made to adhere to the Legend of Mulan more closely, to make up for some of the racial insensitivity/cultural inaccuracies in the original, and to appeal to their Asian audience. the 1998 version is a VERY Americanized way to tell they story- so stop complaining, you got “your version” that appeals to you.

Some things I loved were

1. Mulan’s sister. It’s not often we see Disney princesses with siblings. Even though she didn’t have much screen time, I loved Xiu and the relationship she had with Mulan.

2. The phoenix symbolism. In Mulan (1998), there is heavy dragon symbolism as Mulan is preparing to run away to the army. This insinuates that Mulan is the dragon, the protector of the family, and that is why the Great Stone Dragon doesn’t awaken later. In this version, she is instead guarded and represented by a phoenix. In Chinese mythology (correct me if I'm wrong), the phoenix stands for yin and yang, harmony and is often the female counterpart to the dragon. The wings specifically represent duty, which is why the wings of the phoenix spread behind Mulan when she saves the emperor singlehandedly. Though I don’t know if they intended this, in Greek mythology the phoenix is a symbol of death and rebirth. Mulan is reborn again as Hua Jun, but ultimately in this version she is not discovered as a girl, she chooses to fight as one. The moment she does, “Hua Jun died, and Mulan was born again,” as she sees the phoenix once more. Mulan is the phoenix, and she brings harmony after defeating the Rourans. It’s beautiful.

3. The avalanche scene. A lot of the battle scene was different, but I loved that they kept in the avalanche from the original. Mulan’s planning in this one shows how big her brain is, and how well her strategy works.

4. Xian Liang and Honghui. As I already mentioned, I really loved how they portrayed these characters.

5. The fight scenes. God they really got the perfect actress to play Mulan. Liu Yifei leaning back to avoid an arrow from a Rouran? Impeccable. Mulan’s display of her techniques when she and Honghui get into it when they’re supposed to be practicing? So cool.

All in all, I loved this movie just like I love all of the other Disney princess live-action remakes. Disney obviously spent a lot of money on the action sequences, the costumes, the backgrounds, the historical accuracies, the casting, the storyline, everything is amazing. I will definitely be watching again.

#this is definitely like a rant only slightly organized #mulan #a defense of mulan #mulan 2020 #my post #my posts

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valkyrieelysia18 · 4 years ago

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My Thoughts on Reboots, Remakes, Sequels, and Spinoffs

Hey there everybody! I know that everyone and their mother have an opinion on this topic, but I just wanted to added my two cents on to to something that wasn’t going to be that long.

Part of the reason I’m doing this post is because two series I loved dearly when I was younger, Winx Club and Inuyasha, have gotten a live action remake series and a sequel series. Now I’m not here to talk on the many MANY wrongs of Fate The Winx Saga or the issues of Yashahime because other people have already went into detail on that stuff. Instead I’m going to talk about what I feel like adapting old properties as whole.

As we fully know and acknowledge, nostalgia is a powerful force with an iron grip and Hollywood and other film/tv makers are doing their best to exploit our nostalgia for as much cash as they can get from us. It’s considered less work and less risky to adapt an older project with a ready fanbase than it is come up with an original property. Most of the time these things aren’t made because there is more to expand on in either the work’s world or characters or bring a new fresh take to it, but because it would make money. Manipulative as it is, its sound business logic.

That being said: remakes, reboots, spinoffs, and sequels aren’t inherently bad. When done well, they don’t just keep to the heart and soul of the original work, they SURPASS it. There’s nothing wrong with changing things from the source material, especially if it’s to add more diversity to the line up or correct a problematic element found in the original series. Even if an interpretation doesn’t hold a candle to the original, it’s still fun to see what creators can dream up for a franchise. For example, Batman the Animated Series will always be the definitive Batman experience for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy Batman Beyond, Batman the Brave and the Bold, the Dark Knight, Arkham Asylum, or other adaptations of the character.

The problem is more often than not, these projects are not handled well. As I said before, it’s more to make money than to actually be a good and/or faithful adaptation. I think everyone remembers the fiasco that was the live action Jem and the Holograms film from a couple years ago. That movie did the worse thing an adaptation can do for fans: used the the name for brand recognition and threw just about everything out from the original series to appeal to the modern crowd (by the way the makers of this movie didn’t even seem to understand THAT demographic), spitting in the face of the original fans. It honestly wasn’t that surprising the film was pulled from theaters so quickly. As a Winx Club fan, I can relate to Jem fans now in a way that I wasn’t able to back then.

Now some would say fans can be extremely judgmental and toxic when it comes to any changes to their beloved franchises. To an extent, I do agree. For example, I was almost five years old when the Star Wars Prequels came out and thus didn’t really get the hate for it because I didn’t have the nostalgia the older fans did. Now that I am older and have watched both trilogies, I can acknowledge that the original trilogy was better in terms of story and characters, but those films are far from perfect. And you got to give the prequel trilogy credit in that had a distinct definite vision and that it was telling its own story, not just relying on what came before.

But in my honest opinion, I think a lot of the hate from fans of these series comes from the fact that these adaptations more often than not seem to spite the fans and butcher the things they used to love. And considering this is where the original buzz and money come from for these projects, it feels like those behind these projects are going for short term cash rather than long term gain.

I think sequel series in particular can come as off very problematic if their continuation seems to retcon or destroy a very good and satisfying ending. Part of why I can’t really get behind Yashahime is because it feels like the series kind of invalidates the really good ending of the original series and how poorly it has treated the og characters. A series’ ending is arguably the hardest thing to pull off well, it’s one thing to start strong but its another thing to carry that quality to end of the story. And even if a finale isn’t bad, it can still be controversial or divisive among fans. Ducktales 2017 is a great series, but even it stumbled in its finale. Anyone who’s seen it can probably guess what I’m talking about.

So, how should we approach these projects? I think the best mindset to going into these continuations is cautious optimism. That way you’ll be surprised if it turns out to be good, but not too disappointed if it turns out to be the opposite.

And if nothing else there is this comfort for us who live in this time: where canon fails, there is fan fiction. Seriously, I see more passion, creativity, and quality from things I read and view for free on the internet than things that have huge production teams and tons of money poured into them.

Sorry if this just seems like a ramble to you guys, but you know sometimes that there are things you just need to get out there. And hey it turns out this my 100th post on tumblr. So yay to me.

Don’t worry for those who are here for my Rewrite post. Next time we’re going to get to Cinder....AND I HAVE THOUGHTS.

See you soon!

#reboots #remakes #sequels #spinoffs #yashahime #fate the winx saga #batman the animated series #ducktales 2017 #jem and the holograms #star wars #rwby rewrite is coming up next

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pinnochiro · 3 years ago

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pinn reviews - final fantasy xv

a long ramble about final fantasy fifteen that sort of looks like a review, as written by someone who finished the game fifteen minutes ago and needs to get these words out of his head. spoilers inbound.

i'm a pretty big fan of video games. i don't know what my first was, but it was probably either banjo and kazooie or mario kart 64, at my cousin's house when i was very small. i think that video games as a medium are so interesting, since the fact that video games are inherently interactive changes the way that they tell any story. it's a shame that despite loving video games so much, i'm absolutely terrible at them.

i'm absolute dogshit at video games. whenever i boot up something new, i always play on easy mode because. i'm that bad. unfortunately, this means that a lot of video games are simply. impossible for me to beat. that's fine, as at the moment i live with my good friend lizz, who is certifiably Good at Video Games, and so we've been playing video games together for a little bit now. typically this means that she will actually play the majority of the game while i sit with her and watch, but occasionally i'll have a go, but she'll end up with the controller as soon as a boss fight or puzzle or a mechanic i just can't seem to grasp shows up. we recently played through the entirety of the kingdom hearts series together, and this was an absolute blast of a time. i'm glad to say that i adore kingdom hearts now, and it's become one of my hyperfixations, which you might be able to tell from my icon. but we'd finished the kingdom hearts series, and we were left to move onto something else. we'd also played final fantasy 7 remake, so in my wisdom, i suggested that we play another final fantasy game.

we looked through the ff games that were already purchased on our consoles thanks to lizz's uncle, and eventually, we decided that we should play. all of them. however to start, we were going to play final fantasy xv, 15, and work our way backwards through the mainline, single-player games.

i'd heard that xv wasn't very good, but honestly, i was still quite curious. one person who i'd been following on twitter for years was pretty obsessed with the main party members, to the point where i knew their names and what-not even though i didn't have much of an idea what the game itself was about. i remember watching a video by supereyepatchwolf a few years ago about how the game sucked, but i couldn't remember much of the details, and i knew, based on my obsession with kingdom hearts, that xv had started as a different game called final fantasy versus xiiv. i don't know all the details about versus thirteen, but i do know that it was originally helmed by the creator of my beloved kingdom hearts, mr tetsuya nomura, and that after many years, the vast majority of the game was thrown out, nomura wasn't in charge any more, and the whole thing was rewritten and reworked, which sounds like a fairly rough development cycle. but so what, i don't care about gameplay. i want to play the video game with those cute guys that i see fanart of on twitter, and lizz seemed happy enough to play through it with me.

and so we started final fantasy xv. i've been told that since the game was practically dead on arrival, they threw in a bunch of new content and reworked a lot of the early game before i got my hands on it. so my gameplay started with a scene of the four guys fighting some demon dude on fire and they're all old and grotty. whatever, that cutscene ends and we're put into a combat tutorial. that's over and we're on the road in what looks to be central america, pushing a car.

our four leading lads are noctis, the prince of the lucis empire, his best friend prompto, his bodyguard, gladio, and his chef and other things, ignis. i do quite like the main four members of the party in xv. prompto is quite easily my favourite, voiced by robbie daymond of goro akechi fame and with a bunch of fun little animations and quips that make him very likeable. he gets extremely excited at the idea of riding chocobos and has what i considered the best scene of the game, where he and noctis meet on a motel rooftop and discuss prompto's imposter syndrome, since he's only part of noctis' official retinue as his best friend. noctis is a fairly typical main protagonist, he's in love with a woman he hasn't seen in eight years and needs to go marry her or something, i don't care. gladio is a tough macho man with a mullet who wears leather jackets and wields a greatsword, and is apparently only 22, which is at least 10 years younger than i assumed. ignis is a strategist and chef, who takes on the most authoritative role and constantly tells noctis to not drive his car at night. i was not a fan of ignis at the start, but he grew on me, especially with how hard the game hit me with his personal arc. the four boys are off, driving to noctis' wedding in a different country across the desert when their car breaks down. we then run into the first issue of the game.

cindy is a mechanic. she also has her ass and tits out constantly, like your sleazy uncle's shirt with a naked woman was instead semi-alive as a video game person. she fixes your car and acts fairly sexual and it's just like. why do we have to do this. aren't we over overtly sexualised women in video games who have no reason for the way they dress other than the character designer was horny? whatever, i like women as much as the next guy, but cindy's design just. makes me feel so uncomfortable.

anyways you get to do a little driving around with the boys, until you stay the night before catching the boat to your fiance. overnight, you find out that noctis' kingdom has been basically destroyed by an invading empire called niflheim, and practically everyone noctis knows, including his father, are dead. you learn that noctis and his bride to be are also assumed dead, with noctis hearing his own death announcement on the radio. the game has a bunch of added cutscenes that are actually footage from the three-hour-long prequel movie that came out after the game, are extremely hard to follow and honestly i had no idea what i was looking at. anyways, noctis' family is dead, so it's time to do some hunting sidequests.

that brings us to the combat, i suppose. rather than the turn-based or even active turn-based combat that the series is known for, xv opts for more modern action rpg-styled combat. i was, naturally, terrible at this, but i managed to get around it with the fact that. it is almost impossible to die in this video game, provided you have enough items. the game allows you so much time to heal yourself that there's practically no way to have your entire party wipe unless you're doing absolutely terrible, and even then, your party members will probably try and heal you themselves before that happens. lizz tells me that the combat is boring, you just push the same button over and over and then you win. i do appreciate that, for someone like me who is terrible at reading enemy movements, there is a giant button that pops up on screen that tells you when to push the block button, but even then i was prone to fucking it up. whether that's the bad game design or my terrible gaming abilities is up to you to decide. anyways, the game is fairly easy but has annoying combat, your teammates limit breaks will only land about 50% of the time (or never, if you are gladio) and i was still bad at it, so i didn't have all that much fun.

instead of an active levelling system, the game will only tally your character's level ups when you either make camp or visit a hotel. camping is, in my opinion, the only saving grace of this game. each time you make camp, you get to see the characters doing fun little camping activities together and just hanging out, ignis will cook up a new meal in a dramatic fashion and everyone will compliment him and eat it off their coleman's branded plates, it's just very fun. you also get to see what pictures prompto has taken, which is one of my favourite gameplay features. prompto's passion is photography, and while i support him in this wholeheartedly, his picture taking skills are, quite frankly, awful. the game will randomly take shots while you're on the move, which leaves you with a delightful selection of awkward poses, characters hidden behind bushes, pictures taken while someone is half-dead in combat, and snaps where the natural lighting absolutely makes it impossible to tell what's going on. it's hilarious and going through prompto's collection of photos each night is honestly the best part of the game. we managed to wind up with a few shots that, even despite being scripted events, turned out absolutely terrible, and i will cherish those forever.

anyways, since noctis' father and fiance are dead, that leaves him the king of lucis. the only important person to make it out of the capital alive tells you to drive to the middle of nowhere, where he randomly springs on you. hey. go into a bunch of these dungeons and absorb a bunch of swords, this is your destiny as king and how you will defeat the empire. noctis goes, uh, alright i guess, and you're set loose again to wander around for a bit collecting the 'royal arms'. this plot point wasn't explained well but hey, whatever, we're collecting the glowy swords and that's fine.

you're introduced at some point to ardyn, the main antagonist. he's old, kind of groady and wears a fedora. he's a dick to you and talks about his automobeeel. apparently my friend miri thinks he's hot, she is wrong.

i can't remember what happens specifically but you're told that your fiance is still alive and in fantasy venice, and she's talking to the gods on your behalf to borrow their powers. there's a mission where you follow some purple trees that are electric, and you do that i guess. i enjoyed riding the chocobos around, but couldn't care much for the plot at this point. ardyn leads you to a volcano, where you fight a giant lava god. he tries to step on you and i, a denizen of the internet and with an active fear of foot fetishists, was extremely uncomfortable. noctis becomes friends with foot man and a lightning god who lived in those trees, and ardyn steals your car.

very upset by this, noctis and his gang risk everything to sneak into a military base and steal it back. because this is a video game, this works out fine.

there's a little mining city which is all about Girl Power, because all the Women run the Mining Industry like Girl Bosses, and you hang around there for a bit. because all the women are so Empowered, they wear bikinis all the time with overalls over the top. gladio decides he needs to fuck off for a bit, i have no idea what he does since i haven't played the dlc, and then he comes back with another scar. you hang out with his sixteen year old sister, who has a crush on the engaged and 20-year old noctis, and then you drive her to a lighthouse. when she's in your party, she can't really fight, but she gets a pink chocobo and i thought that was very cute. we turned out own chocobo white and lizz named him 'jones' after a mount she has in ffxiv.

eventually, you have a long boat ride over to fantasy venice. this is the part where the game stops being 'fun with a few issues in combat and a rushed and poorly told story.' the open world, which was a main feature with a bunch of little areas to find where noctis can fish, little hunting sidequests and random photo spots where prompto takes touristy photos, is now gone, and it will not return for the entire rest of the game. you can 'go back in time', but the open world was the most enjoyable part of the game, and it kind of really sucks that the main story doesn't let you have any more freedom like that.

after arriving in fantasy venice, you have a talk with fantasy hillary clinton and beg her to let your girlfriend summon a god into the middle of her city. hillary agrees, and you don't get to meet up with your fiance, because even if the game is constantly telling you how much noctis loves her, there is. barely any interactions between the two in the entire game. from what i can tell, they met when noctis was a child and they haven't seen each other in ten years but are still fantasy dog pen-pals. noctis marrying her was supposed to make an alliance or something like that, but her brother has betrayed her to the army. noctis' girlfriend is also an oracle, which means she can heal people, i guess? everyone talks about how important she is and she's constantly telling people that she needs to use her powers to help noctis but she's practically a non-entity.

as can be expected of most female love interests in a game primarily focused on men, noctis' fiance is killed while summoning a god for noctis to befriend. noct gets very mad about this, and turns super saiyan and kills the god back, but his girlfriend is dead and that's super sad you guys. there's a beautiful prerendered cutscene where she says goodbye to noctis but since we barely know her, and we've only been told over and over that they're in love without anything to actually well, show this, it didn't have much of an impact. fantasy venice is destroyed, and ignis is blinded while trying to help calm the giant raging god.

iggy's blindness and how the game makes you account for this and grow to care for him was one of the highlights, in my opinion, as well as crushingly depressing. while i'm not disabled and have no right to say if this was 'good disabled representation' or anything like that, i believe that the game handles it decently enough. the group falls apart as noctis is upset about his girlfriend, gladio is extremely mad that noctis won't care for ignis, and prompto just wants everyone to get along. there's a mission where gladio constantly yells at you passive aggressive things to noctis about how he's a cunt for running, which is obnoxious, but the character arc itself is fairly strong. when you make camp, ignis can't cook anymore, so everyone eats cup noodles in a depressing ass cutscene. ignis remains in your party for the rest of the game despite his disability, and he doesn't magically regain his sight like other fantasy media would do, which at the very least i think is good. i'm not sure what the opinion of actual disabled people is of the character, considering how often disabled characters are either turned into misery porn to make the abled audience be glad that isn't them and if ignis' arc falls into this trap, but i hope that it wasn't handled too poorly, as that would just be another terrible mark in this game's list of bad moves.

the characters eventually make it to the evil empire's capital, which is abandoned and filled with daemons. the characters learn that ardyn is super evil and taught the king of the empire how to turn humans into daemons, which has now happened to the entire city. the 'magitek suits', presumed to be enchanted armour that fights as the empire's infantry, actually house the souls of the human-turned daemons. honestly i like this as a plot point but the game handles it pretty terribly. there could have been more lead up to this, the explanation is pretty lacking, and prompto's Big Plot Twist is. terribly handled. turns out that prompto was born in the empire and was going to be one of those empty soldier daemons, but he was rescued by people belonging to noctis' empire. not that the game tells you that. instead, prompto goes 'turns out i'm one of ... them' and Does Not Elaborate. The game doesn't tell you shit, not about prompto's past, not about how he feels about this, not about how anyone else feels about this either because the other party members just go 'oh that sucks, good thing you're not evil' and the scene ends. robbie daymond tries so hard to sell these terrible, terrible lines, and it almost entirely fails, i'm so sorry prompto. fortunately because i'm a nosy ass, i read prompto's wikia page and knew the plot twist ahead of time, because i don't think i would have even registered it if i didn't.

anyways everyone in the evil empire is dead and ardyn starts talking about how he's immortal and an ancient king of noctis' country but the gods thought he sucked because he's too evil. i missed most of this because the cats got the zoomies and were dashing across the couch right in the middle of his speech so i can't tell you anything else. noctis tries to get a big magic crystal to fight him and instead. gets schlorped inside.

TEN YEARS LATER

yes then ten years actually pass while noctis is asleep. the game shows this by switching the head on noctis' character model to have a beard, but that's it, no changes in animations or whatever. the sky is permanently night and only one human civilisation remains, the rest destroyed by daemons. as a plot point, this ends up feeling. extremely worthless. why was noctis asleep for ten whole goddamn years? so we can wake up and go 'damn it sucks out here'. but it's barely even a like, incentive to fix everything, because you have a long talk with a former child you were friends with where he talks about how humanity is still going fine and everyone's okay and the world has moved on without you. it feels. pointless. when you meet up with your party members, they are exactly as you left them, only with slightly different character models. there is no change in the voice performance, the character's movements or how they talk to show that they've been without you for ten years. they barely mention it. i'm just. so confused as to why they decided that a ten year timeskip was the way to go? since nothing really changes, couldn't you have made it like, two years? one year? six months?? have the characters react a little more? something??? at least if it was only a year or so i wouldn't have to deal with the fact that noctis looks like norman reedus with his shitty facial hair now.

anyways after that there's a bunch of long and boring boss fights. you fight some dead kings for some reason, your party members get a little bit to talk about how cool they are and how much they love noctis, and then you meet up with ardyn. there's another boring boss fight and god this was only a few hours ago but it's already gone from my head. you summon the gods and the old kings to beat the shit out of him after you both go super saiyan again? there's incredible music but it feels barely earned and just kind of eh. anyways, noctis dies, which was the price of using the crystal of light or whatever the fuck. his ghost marries his fiance's ghost finally, and they smile as they look at one of prompto's pictures. you can pick any picture you want to go here, and then the credits roll, showing all of the pictures you saved of prompto's shots. showing me all the pictures at the end is honestly lovely, but it really only served to remind me of how much more fun the game was in the first half. and that's the end, of final fantasy xv.

so what did i think of the story? it's terribly cobbled together and struggles to get you to feel anything and play out all the plot beats. you feel awful for the countless employees who spent years working on the beautiful cutscenes only to have them be in this game, which sucks and the story barely gets through. there were parts that i enjoyed, mostly the thing about the daemons being people, but honestly the rest of it is a mess. it's hard to follow at the best of times and just awkward and terribly written at the worst. the ending is cheap, and it doesn't feel like you've actually accomplished anything. i left that game feeling numb and empty, sad that i'd wasted so much time to end up with such a colossal failure of a conclusion.

i had fun with the game when it was my four little guys running around doing sidequests and camping together. after the midway point of the game, there's none of that, and you're bogged down into a plot that just pushes you from point a to point b and boring overlong bossfight to boring overlong bossfight. the character moments between your party are a lot of fun, but the second you hit fantasy venice, everything is pretty much on rails and you can't do anything except what the game tells you explicitly to do.

should you play this game? no lol. if anything i've mentioned about the story interests you, you'll be better off watching a lore video or reading the wiki. if you do want to play it after all that, just don't proceed after the myrthril refining quest, it's pretty much all downhill from there. will i play the dlc? unlikely, i think lizz and i will just watch a cutscene movie of those.

this game left me feeling empty and numb and not in a fun way. i wanted, so, so hard to like this game, and it all crashed around me in a beautifully overproduced and confusingly written cascade. i love you prompto, but even your cute little freckly face and terrible photography can't save this trainwreck of a game.

tl;dr - final fantasy xv sucks. i hope that 13, our next ff game, will be better.

#ramble #review type thing #did you read all of this? im impressed #i did not proofread #so if its a mess #just pretend thats a meta commentary about the game itself #i wrote this for like an hour trying to understand the feelings this game gave me #final fantasy xv

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Summer Movie Preview: From Black Widow to The Suicide Squad and Beyond

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The summer movie season has returned. Finally. Once something we all just took for granted, like handshakes and indoor dining, a summertime season stuffed with pricy Hollywood blockbusters and cinematic escapism suddenly feels like a long lost friend. But, rest assured, the summer movie season is genuinely and truly here. It’s maybe a little later than normal, yet it’s still in time for Memorial Day in the States.

This is of course happy news since many of the big screen events of this year have been 12 months or more in the offing. A Quiet Place Part II was supposed to open two Marches ago, and In the Heights is opening almost an exact year to the day from its original release. They’re here now, as is an impressive assortment of new films. There are genre fans’ long lost superhero spectacles, with Black Widow and The Suicide Squad leading the pack (and Shang-Chi closing out the season unusually late in time for Labor Day weekend), and there are also horror movies like The Conjuring 3 and M. Night Shyamalan’s Old, aforementioned musicals, family adventures in Jungle Cruise, psychedelic Arthurian legends via The Green Knight, and a few legitimately original projects like Stillwater and Reminiscence. Imagine that!

So sit back, put your feet in the pool, or up by the grill pit, and toast with us the summer movie’s resurrection.

A Quiet Place Part II

May 28 (June 3 in the UK)

Fourteen months after its original release date, the first movie delayed by the pandemic is finally coming to theaters for Memorial Day weekend. And despite what some critics say (even our own), most of us would argue it’s worth the wait. As a movie about a family enduring after a global crisis that has left their lives in tatters, and marred by personal tragedy, A Quiet Place Part II hits differently in 2021 than it would have a year ago. And it’s undeniably optimistic view of humanity feels like a warm balm now.

But beyond the meta context, writer-director John Krasinski (flying solo as screenwriter this time) has engineered a series of intelligent and highly suspenseful set pieces which puts Millicent Simmonds’ Regan front and center. Also buoyed by subtle and affecting work by Emily Blunt and Cillian Murphy, here as a neighbor they knew a few years and a lifetime ago, this is one worth dipping your toe back into cinema for, especially if you liked the first movie.

Cruella

May 28

We’ll admit it, we had the same initial skepticism you’re probably feeling about a Cruella de Vil origin story set in punk rock’s 1970s London. But put your cynicism aside, Disney’s Cruella is a decadent blast and the rarest of things: a live-action Disney remake that both honors its source material and does something creative with it. Neither a soulless scene-by-scene remake of a better animated film, or a lazy Maleficent like re-imagining, Cruella more often than not rocks, thanks in large part to its lead performance by Emma Stone.

Also a producer on the picture, Stone takes on the role of Cruella de Vil like it’ll be on an awards reel and absolutely flaunts the character’s madness and devilish charm. She also finds an excellent sparring partner via Emma Thompson, young Cruella’s very own Miranda Priestly. Once these two start their verbal battle at the end of the first act, the movie is elevated into an electric period comedy (with plenty of heavy handed period music). It’s a pseudo-thriller for all ages, enjoying some very sharp elbows for a kids movie.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

June 4 (May 26 in the UK)

The latest big-screen adventure for real-life ghostbusters Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) sees the two drawn into the unusual case of the first ever U.S. murder trial where the defendant claimed he was innocent because he was possessed by a demon. This is the eighth movie in The Conjuring expanded universe—director Michael Chaves has already made a foray into this supernatural world with The Curse of La Llorona—and as with all the main Conjuring films, the hook is that it’s (very loosely) based on a true case that the Warrens were involved with.

Peter Safran and James Wan are back on board as producers, although with this being the first time Wan isn’t directing one of the main Ed and Lorraine investigations, we’re a little cautious about this return to the haunted museum.

In the Heights

June 11 (June 18 in the UK)

Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first Tony award winning musical is getting the proper big screen treatment in In the Heights. A full-fledged movie musical—as opposed to a taped series of performances, a la Disney+’s Hamilton—In the Heights is like a sweet summer drink (or Piragua) and love letter to the Latino community of New York City’s Washington Heights neighborhood.

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Best Movie Musicals of the 21st Century

By David Crow

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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It and the Perils of Taking on a Real Life Murder

By Rosie Fletcher

Closer in spirit to the feel-good summertime joy of Grease than the narratively complex Hamilton, this is perfect multiplex escapism (which will also be on HBO Max if you’re so inclined). Directed by Crazy Rich Asians’ Jon M. Chu, In the Heights has a euphoric sense of movement and dance as it transfers Miranda’s hybrid blend of freestyle rap, salsa rhythm, and Caribbean musical cues to the actual city blocks the show was written about. On one of those corners lives Usnavi (Anthony Ramos), a bodega owner with big dreams. He’s about to have the summer of his life. You might too.

Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

June 16 (June 21 in the UK)

You know Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a throwback when even its trailer brings back the “trailer voice.” But then the appeal of the 2017 B-action comedy, The Hitman’s Bodyguard, was its very throwback nature: a violent, raunchy R-rated buddy comedy that starred Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds, who exchanged quips as much as bullets between some genuinely entertaining stunts.

Hopefully the sequel can also be as much lowbrow fun as it doubles down on the premise, with Reynolds’ Michael Bryce now guarding Samla Hayek’s Sonia, the wife of Jackson’s Darius. All three are on a road trip through Italy as they’re chased by Antonio Banderas in what is sure to be a series of bloody, explosive set pieces. Probably a few “motherf***ers” will be dropped too.

Luca

June 18

Pixar Studios’ hit rate is frankly incredible. With each new film seemingly comes a catchy song, an Oscar nomination, and a flood of tears from anyone with a heart—and there’s no reason to believe that its next offering will be any different. Luca is a coming-of-age tale set on the Italian Riviera about a pair of young lads who become best friends and have a terrific summer getting into adventures in the sun. The slight catch is that they’re both sea monsters.

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How Luca Became the First Pixar Movie Made at Home

By Don Kaye

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Pixar, Italian Style: Why Luca is Set in 1950s Italy

By Don Kaye

This is the feature directorial debut of Enrico Casarosa, who says the movie is a celebration of friendship with nods to the work of Federico Fellini and Hayao Miyazaki. The writers are Jesse Andrews and Mike Jones—Andrews is new to Pixar but has experience with coming-of-agers, having penned Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, while Jones co-wrote Soul. Jacob Tremblay and Jack Dylan Grazer voice the young boys (sea monsters)—13-year-old Luca and his older teenager friend Alberto—with Maya Rudolph as Luca’s sea monster mom. After a year of lockdown, this could be the summer movie we all need.

June 25

You better start firing up the grill, because the Fast and Furious crew is finally ready to have another summer barbecue. And this time, it’s not only the folks whom Dom Toretto calls “mi familia” in attendance. The big new addition to F9 is

John Cena as Jakob Toretto. As the long-lost little brother we didn’t know Vin Diesel’s Dom had, Jakob is revealed to be a superspy, assassin, and performance driver working for Dom’s arch-nemesis, Cypher (Charlize Theron). Everything the Family does together, Jakob does alone, as a one-man wrecking crew, and he’s coming in hot.

Fans will probably be happier, though, to see Sung Kang back as Han Seoul-Oh, the wheelman who was murdered in Fast & Furious 6, and then pretty much forgotten in The Fate of the Furious when his killer got invited to the cookout. It’s an injustice that brought veteran series director Justin Lin back to the franchise to resurrect the dead. So it’s safe to assume he won’t be asking Cypher to bring the potato salad.

The Forever Purge

July 2 (July 16 in the UK)

We know what you’re thinking: Didn’t The Purge: Election Year end the Purge forever? That or “are they really still making these?” The answer to both questions is yes. Nevertheless, here we are with The Forever Purge, a movie which asks what happens if Purgers just, you know, committed extravagant holiday crime on the other 364 days of the year? You get what is hopefully the grand finale of this increasingly tired concept.

The Tomorrow War

July 2

Hear me out: What if it’s like The Terminator but in reverse? That had to be the pitch for this one, right? In The Tomorrow War, instead of evil cyborgs time traveling to the past to kill our future savior, soldiers from the future time travel to the past to enlist our current best warrior and take him to a world on the brink 30 years from now.

It’s a crazy premise, and the kind of high-concept popcorn that one imagines Chris Pratt excels at. Hence Pratt’s casting as Dan, one of the best soldiers of the early 21st century who’ll go into the future to stop an alien invasion. The supporting cast, which includes Oscar winner J.K. Simmons and Yvonne Strahovski, Betty Gilpin, and Sam Richardson, is also nothing to sneeze at.

Black Widow

July 9

The idea of making a Black Widow movie has been around since long before the Marvel Cinematic Universe first lifted into the sky on Tony Stark’s repulsors. The character has been onscreen for more than a decade now, and Marvel Studios has for too long danced around making a solo Widow, at least in part due to the machinations of Marvel Entertainment chairman Ike Perlmutter.

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How Black Widow Could Build The MCU’s Future

By Kayti Burt

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Upcoming Marvel Movies Release Dates: MCU Phase 4 Schedule, Cast, and Story Details

By Mike Cecchini and 1 other

But the standalone Black Widow adventure is here at last, and it now serves as a sort-of coda to the story of Natasha Romanoff, since we already know her tragic fate in Avengers: Endgame. Directed by Cate Shortland (Berlin Syndrome, Lore), the movie will spell out how Natasha (Scarlett Johansson) kept herself busy between the events of Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War, primarily with a trip home to Russia to clear some of that red from her ledger.

There, she will reunite with figures from her dark past, including fellow Red Room alumnus Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), Russian would-be superhero Alexei Shostakov, aka the Red Guardian (David Harbour), and Melina Vostokoff (Rachel Weisz), another survivor of the Black Widow program and a maternal figure to Natasha and Yelena.

It’s a chance to say goodbye to Nat and see Johansson as the beloved Avengers one more time. But this being Marvel, we suspect that the studio has a few tricks up its sleeve and in this movie about the future of Phase 4.

Space Jam: A New Legacy

July 16

In the annals of synergistic branding, Space Jam: A New Legacy might be one for the record books. A sequel to an older millennials’ 1990s touchstones—the thoroughly mediocre Michael Jordan meets Bugs Bunny movie, Space Jam—this sequel sees LeBron James now trapped in Looney Tunes world… but wait, there’s more! Instead of only charmingly interacting with WB’s classic stable of cartoon characters, King James will also be in the larger “WB universe” where the studio will resurrect from the dead every property they own the copyright to, from MGM’s classic 1939 The Wizard of Oz to, uh, the murderous rapists in A Clockwork Orange.

… yay for easter eggs?

Old

July 23

Though he might be accused of being a little bit hit-and-miss in the past, the release of a new M. Night Shyamalan movie should always be cause for celebration. Especially one with such a deeply creepy premise. Based on the graphic novel Sandcastle by Pierre Oscar Levy and Frederik Peeters, Old sees a family on vacation discover that the beach they are on causes them to age extremely rapidly and live out their entire lives in a day.

This is surely perfect fodder for Shyamalan, who does high-concept horror like no one else. The cast is absolute quality, featuring Gael García Bernal, Hereditary’s Alex Wolff, Jo Jo Rabbit’s Thomasin McKenzie, Phantom Thread’s Vicky Krieps, Little Women’s Eliza Scanlen, and many more. The trailer is pleasingly disturbing too as children become teenagers, a young woman is suddenly full-term pregnant, and adults seem to be decaying in front of their own eyes. Harrowing in the best possible way.

Snake Eyes

July 23 (August 20 in the UK)

Snake Eyes will finally bring us the origin story of the G.I. Joe franchise’s most iconic and beloved member. Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) stars in the title role, with Warrior’s Andrew Koji as his nemesis—conflicted baddie (and similar fan fave) Storm Shadow. Expect a tale heavy on martial arts badassery, especially with The Raid’s Iko Uwais on board as the pair’s ninja master. Samara Weaving will play G.I. Joe staple Scarlett after her breakout a few years ago in Ready or Not, while Úrsula Corberó has been cast as Cobra’s Baroness. Robert Schwentke (The Time Traveler’s Wife, Red) directs.

Jungle Cruise

July 30

Jungle Cruise director Jaume Collet-Serra is best known for making slightly dodgy actioners starring Liam Neeson (Unknown, Non-Stop, Run All Night) and half-decent horror movies (Orphan, The Shallows), so exactly which direction this family adventure based on a theme park ride will take remains to be seen.

Borrowing a page and premise from Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn in The African Queen (1951), Jungle Cruise stars the ever-charismatic Dwayne Johnson as a riverboat captain taking Emily Blunt’s scientist and her brother (Jack Whitehall) to visit the fabled Tree of Life in the early 20th century. Like the ride, the gang will have to watch out for wild animals along the way.

Unlike the ride, they’re competing with a German expedition team who are heading for the same goal. A solid supporting cast (Jesse Plemons, Édgar Ramírez, Paul Giamatti, Andy Nyman) and a script with rewrites by Michael Green (Logan, Blade Runner 2049) might mean Disney has another hit on its hands. Either way, a lovely boat trip with The Rock should be diverting at worst.

The Green Knight

July 30 (August 6 in the UK)

There have been several major Hollywood reimaginings of Arthurian legends in the 21st century. And every one of them has been thoroughly rotten for one reason or another. Luckily, David Lowery’s The Green Knight looks poised to break the trend with a trippy, but twistedly faithful, interpretation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Dev Patel stars as Sir Gawain, a chivalrous knight in King Arthur’s court who takes up the challenge of the mysterious Green Knight (The Witch’s Ralph Ineson under mountains of makeup): He’ll swing a blow and risk receiving a returning strike in a year’s time. Gawain attempts to cheat the devil by cutting his head clean off, yet when the Green Knight lifts his severed head from Camelot’s floors, things start to get weird. As clearly one of A24’s biggest visual fever dreams to date, this is one we’re highly anticipating.

Stillwater

July 30 (August 6 in the UK)

The Oscar winning-writer director behind Spotlight, Tom McCarthy, returns to the big screen with a fictional story that feels awfully similar to real world events. In this film, Matt Damon plays Bill, a proud father who saw his daughter Allison (Abigail Breslin) go abroad to study in France. After she’s accused of murdering her roommate by local authorities, the deeply Southern and deeply Oklahoman father must travel to a foreign land to try and prove his daughter’s innocence.

It obviously has some parallels with the Amanda Knox story but it also looks like a potentially hard hitting original drama with a talented cast. Fingers crossed.

The Suicide Squad

August 6 (July 30 in the UK)

You might have seen a Suicide Squad movie in the past, but you’ve never seen James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. With a liberating R-rating and an old school vision from the Guardians of the Galaxy director—who likens this to 1960s war capers, such as The Dirty Dozen or Where Eagles Dare—this Suicide Squad is absolutely stacked with talented actors wallowing in DC weirdness. One of the key players in this is Polka-Dot Man, another is a walking, talking Great White Shark, voiced by Sylvester Stallone. The villain is a Godzilla-sized starfish from space!

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So like it’s namesake, there’s probably a lot of characters who aren’t going to pull through this one. Even so, we can rest easy knowing that Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn will be as winsome than ever, and the likes of Idris Elba and John Cena will add some dynamic gravitas to the eccentric DC Extended Universe.

Free Guy

August 13

Perhaps pitched as The Truman Show for the video game age, Free Guy stars Ryan Reynolds as an easygoing, happy-go-lucky “Guy” who discovers… he’s a video game NPC living inside the equivalent of a Grand Theft Auto video game. This might explain why the bank he works at keeps getting robbed all the time. But as a virtual sprite who’s developed sentiency, he just might be able to win over enough gamers to not shoot him, and make love not war.

It’s an amusing premise, and hopefully director Shawn Levy can bring to it the same level of charm he achieved with the very first Night at the Museum movie.

Respect

August 13 (September 10 in the UK)

Before her passing in 2018, Aretha Franklin gave her blessing to Jennifer Hudson to play the Queen of Soul. Now that musical biopic is here with Hudson hitting the same high notes of the legend who sang such standards as “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman,” “Think,” “I Say a Little Prayer,” and of course “Respect.”

The film comes with a lot of expectation and a lot of pedigree, with Forest Whitaker and Audra McDonald in the cast. Most of all though, it comes with that rich musical library, which will surely take center stage. And if movies like Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman have taught us anything, it’s that moviegoers love when you play the hits.

Reminiscence

August 20 (August 18 in the UK)

Lisa Joy is one of the most exciting voices on television today. One-half of the creative team behind Westworld, Joy steps into her own with her directorial debut (and as the solo writer) in Reminiscence, a science fiction film with a reliably knotty premise.

Hugh Jackman plays Nick Bannister, a man who lives in a dystopian future where the oceans have risen and the cities are crumbling. In a declining Miami, he sells a risky new technology that allows you to relive your past (and possibly change it, at least fancifully?). But when he discovers the lost love of his life (Rebecca Ferguson) is cropping up in other peoples’ memories, which seem to implicate her in a murder, well… things are bound to start getting weird. We don’t know a whole lot more, but we cannot wait to find out more.

Candyman

August 27

Announced back in 2018, this spiritual sequel to Bernard Rose’s 1992 original is one of the most exciting and anticipated movies on the calendar. Produced by Jordan Peele and directed by Nia DaCosta, the film takes place in the present day and about a decade after Chicago’s Cabrini-Green housing projects have been torn down. Watchmen’s Yahya Abdul-Mateen II plays an up-and-coming visual artist who moves to the now-gentrified area with his partner and is inspired by the legend of Candyman, an apparition with a hook for a hand, to create new work about the subject. But in doing so, he risks unleashing a dark history and a new wave of violence.

Tony Todd, the star of the original movie, will also reprise his role in a reboot that aims to inspire fear for only the right reasons.

The Beatles: Get Back

August 27

Director Peter Jackson thinks folks have a poisoned idea about the Beatles in their final days. Often portrayed as divided and antagonistic toward one another during the recordings of their last albums, particularly Let It Be (which was their penultimate studio recording and final release), Jackson insists this misconception is influenced by Michael Lindsay-Hogg’s 1970 documentary named after the album.

So, after going through the reams of footage Lindsay-Hogg shot but didn’t use, Jackson has crafted this new documentary about the album’s recording which is intended to paint a fuller (and more feel-good) portrait of the band which changed the world. Plus, the music’s going to be great…

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

September 3

The greatest fighter in Marvel history finally hits the big screen with Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Simu Liu (Kim’s Convenience) takes on the title role of a character destined for a bright future in the MCU. Marvel fans might note that the “Ten Rings” of the title is the same organization that first appeared all the way back in Iron Man, and Tony Leung will finally bring their villainous leader, The Mandarin, to life. Awkwafina of The Farewell and Crazy Rich Asians fame also stars. Directed by Destin Daniel Cretton (Short Term 12), this should deliver martial arts action unlike anything we’ve seen so far in the MCU.

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Cool Games I Finished In 2020 (In No Real Order)

Oh, hey! Right! I have a website! I’m like a week late on writing this, but what’s a week on top of an entire year of not writing, right? 2020 was... well, we all know what 2020 was. For me personally, it was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. The worst in both ways you can probably assume and ways you definitely can’t (neither of which I’ll be getting into), and the best in ways I absolutely never would have guessed. That uncertain job I mentioned last year got very suddenly much more certain, at a much bigger company, for a much larger amount of money. That allowed me to get my own place, making my weird living situation much less weird. Still haven’t gotten the majority of my belongings off of the east coast, but if the entire world wasn’t currently fucked up by a global pandemic I’d have sorted all that out too. What I’m saying is that, for the third year in a row, my life has been a complete whirlwind that has left me very little time to get comfortable with any aspect of it. But I did manage to play more video games than I did last year! Which is perfect, because it’s once again time for another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2020.

Astro’s Playroom (PlayStation 5, 2020)

My one word description of Astro's Playroom is "delightful". It's just an absolute goddamn delight. A total surprise too! Included with every PlayStation 5, Astro's Playroom is, in my opinion, one of the best pack-in games of all time.

First off, it's an incredible tech demo for the PS5's new DualSense controller. It was easy to brush off Sony's talk about the controller's haptic feedback and triggers as some Nintendo-style HD Rumble bullshit, but it really is incredibly cool once you get your hands on it. The game is obviously more than a tech demo though, or else it wouldn't be on here. It also just so happens to be an extremely solid and fun platformer on top of that. Astro controls exceptionally well and the levels are all well-designed and fun, even the gimmick vehicle ones designed to show off different features of the controller. It also has an oddly compelling speedrun mode, made all the more compelling by the PS5 notifying you when your friends beat your times and the ability to load into it within two seconds from anywhere on the console. But the biggest thing for me and, call me a mark, because I am, is that the game is an honestly incredible love letter to PlayStation history.

For the first time ever, Sony has pulled off a nostalgia piece without it ending up as embarrassing garbage in the vein of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. There's a Nintendo-like joyful reverence for all things PlayStation oozing out of every single corner of this game. There are so many nods and references and gags for literally every PlayStation thing of note throughout the the last 25 years, and then on top of that there's a whole heap more for the things that AREN'T of note that only hyperdorks like me would get! A sly reference to the ill-fated boomerang controller? Yep. A goof on the fat PS3's Spider-Man font? You betcha. A trophy you can earn by repeatedly punching a Sony Interactive Entertainment sign until it breaks and reveals the Sony Computer Entertainment sign it was slapped on top of? Yeah buddy. It's deep cuts all the way down, even up until the final boss which had me grinning like a total dipshit the entire time. The game is endlessly, effortlessly charming.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

Animal Crossing: New Horizons was the perfect game at the perfect time. That doesn't mean it's a perfect game, I actually have some issues with it, but it could not have released at a better time than when it did. It came out at the very very beginning of everyone going into lockdown due to the pandemic, and it was the biggest game in the world for a couple of months as a result. I played like 300 hours and that pales in comparison to the amount of time many others put into it.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the most different Animal Crossing game there's ever been, and I'm of two minds on it. Like, I loved the game, I played a ton of it, but it's lacking so much of the stuff that made me love Animal Crossing in the first place. The series has been slowly trending in this direction for a bit now, but it's not really a game that happens around you anymore. It's all about total player control. You select where everything goes, you customize every detail of everything to your liking, hell, you can even terraform the landmass to be exactly what you want. Your neighbors take a backseat in focus and end up as little more than decorations with limited dialogue and next to no quests associated with them. Series staples like Gyroids are missing in action. Facilities and services that have been around since Wild World aren't implemented. It's similar to past Animal Crossing games in a lot of ways, but on the whole it feels like a different thing.

But like I said, two minds. New Horizons strays from what I truly want from an Animal Crossing game, but I can't deny that the game as it is is a hell of a lot of fun. There's SO much you can do and SO many options, it's super addictive. Plus it implemented my long-requested feature of letting you effortlessly send mail to friends online! Too bad the actual online play is as cumbersome as ever.

In conclusion, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a land of contrasts. I'm kidding. It's good, but definitely missing something in a way where I can understand some people being disappointed in it. I had a ton of fun though, and I'm probably going to get back into it later in 2021.

Trials of Mana (Nintendo Switch, 2019)

Late in 2019, with the physical release of Collection of Mana for the Switch, I decided I was going to play through each game on it for the first time and finally find out what this whole Mana thing was about. I went into Final Fantasy Adventure (the first game in the Mana series, because every RPG had to be Final Fantasy back then) with zero expectations and found a totally serviceable little Zelda-like with light RPG elements. I enjoyed my time with it. I went into Secret of Mana with the expectation of it being a beloved classic and found the worst game I beat that year, hands down. That game fucking sucks. I get why it made an impression on people at the time, but it's just so so SO awful to play. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed. Honestly, I would have been disappointed even if I hadn't heard it was one of "the best games" for so long. It would have been a disappointing follow-up to Final Fantasy Adventure, a game that in and of itself isn't anything incredible. Secret of Mana is just that rotten.

I braced myself for more disappointment when (after a much needed vacation from the series) I started up Trials of Mana. This game had a reputation too, as a long-lost classic that never made it stateside. One of the best games on the Super Nintendo, criminally never released for western audiences! Like Secret of Mana before it, I'd heard nothing but effusive praise. Unlike Secret of Mana, however, I was very pleased to find out that Trials of Mana mostly lives up to the hype. From a gameplay standpoint, Trials is an improvement on Secret in almost every single way. It's not perfect. The menus are still kinda clunky, animations for things like magic and items are still frequently disruptive. But the main thing is it actually plays like a sensible video game designed by humans with brains. Attacking is responsive! Hitboxes aren't complete nonsense! You don't constantly get stunlocked to death! There are more answers to combat than casting the same spell for five straight minutes to kill your enemies before they get a chance to move! It's great!

On top of being an enjoyable video game to actually play, the presentation is top notch. Secret of Mana could be a pretty game with decent music in some spots, but Trials is consistently gorgeous and the soundtrack is across the board great instead of randomly having songs that sound like clown vomit. And while Trials of Mana doesn't have the deepest story in the world, it manages to avoid being completely paper-thin like Secret. The story actually kind of has a reason for being a bit straightforward, and the reason is that it has a really cool system where you pick your three playable characters from a pool of six. Each character has their own goals and storyline, some of which line up with other potential party members, some of which don't, and you'll even run into the characters you didn't choose as NPCs along the way. This and the relatively brisk pace of the game make it highly replayable.

I'm really glad that Trials of Mana made it over here in an official capacity, even if it was like 25 years late. It's as good as I expected Secret of Mana to be and singlehandedly saved my interest in seeing any more of the series. I'm aware the quality of what came after is very spotty, but I'll get to the rest eventually!

Final Fantasy VII Remake (PlayStation 4, 2020)

They (almost) did it. They (basically) pulled it off. They remade (a chunk of) Final Fantasy VII and (for the most part) didn't fuck it up. Ok, funny parentheticals aside, Final Fantasy VII Remake is astoundingly good coming off of over two decades of just absolutely dreadful post-FF7 sequels, side games, and movies.

Final Fantasy VII has been historically misremembered as this kind of miserable, angsty, brooding thing, both by fans and by the company that made it. FF7-branded media after FF7 itself is a minefield of changed personalities, embarrassing original characters, and monumentally lame stories. Final Fantasy VII Remake is the first post-FF7 anything that actually remembers the characters, setting, and plot of Final Fantasy VII and what made them memorable and special to people in the first place. Which isn't to say it's a slavish recreation! There's a ton of changes and additions, and I actually like almost all of them! Except for some really big stuff I'll touch on in a bit!

The combat in Final Fantasy VII Remake is great. I was super skeptical about it when the game was first announced, but they actually managed to make the blend of real-time action and turn-based RPG menuing fun and engaging. The characters all play super differently from each other too, which is a huge and welcome difference from the original game. The Materia system fits like a glove in this revamped combat system as well. The remixed music is good as hell, and the visuals are beautiful (outside of a couple of very specific spots that I'm kinda of surprised they haven't fixed in a patch yet). It's a well-executed package all around.

But alas, as always, there are negatives. For starters, this is only part one of the overall Final Fantasy VII Remake project. It goes up to the party leaving Midgar which, as you may or may not recall, is the first six hours of the original game. They compensated for this by fleshing the hell out of the Midgar section the game, ballooning the overall playtime to total of about 30-ish hours. The game feeling padded is a common complaint but for what it's worth, I didn't really feel it until the unnecessarily long final dungeon, There's also the previously mentioned and funny parenthetical'd changes and additions I don't like.

This is big time spoilers for this game so if you don't want that jump ahead to the next game on the list. The Whispers suck ass. Final Fantasy VII Remake should have been brave enough to be different without having to constantly derail everything in the most ham-fisted and intrusive way possible. You can have Jessie twist her ankle without making a spooky plot ghost trip her. I don't want to fight the physical manifestation of the game everyone thought they were getting as an end boss. If you're not doing a straight remake, that's fine, but have the fucking guts to stand by your artistic decisions without feeling the need to invent the lamest deus ex machina I've ever fucking seen. The last couple of hours of this game are 100% about the Whispers and are awful for it. It's a true testament to the strength of the rest of Final Fantasy VII Remake that this aspect didn't completely sour me on it. I can only hope that they stay dead and gone for good in the games yet to come and the remake can be different while standing on its own two feet.

I truly cannot wait for the next entry in the Final Fantasy VII Remake project. I'm excited for Final Fantasy VII in a way I haven't been since the late 90s. I have a bit of trepidation that they could royally screw it up. I mean, they already got kinda close, as I said in my last paragraph. But they got so much right in this entry that, for the first time in decades, I'm willing to believe in Square Enix when it comes to Final Fantasy VII.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim (PlayStation 4, 2020)

My one word description of 13 Sentinels is "fucking crazy". I realize that's two words, but shut up. A bizarre hybrid of visual novel, adventure game, and strategy RPG, 13 Sentinels not only makes that work, but makes it work incredibly well.

The story is fucking bonkers. It's told entirely non-linearly and is purposefully dense and confusing, but it does an amazing job of hooking you with a cast of likable characters and some impressively well-paced twists, made all the more impressive by the fact that you can tackle the story in basically whatever order you want. I'll say it again for those in the back, the story is Fucking Bonkers. Wherever you think it's going, it's not going. Where it is going is PLACES. Seriously, if you want a wild goddamn ride, this is the game for you. The presentation is also stunning. It's a drop dead gorgeous game with a really nice soundtrack. Easily Vanillaware's best looking game, which is saying something seeing as looking good is Vanillaware's whole deal.

If I had to levy one criticism against the game, it's that the strategy RPG portion is just kind of ok. It's enjoyable enough, it doesn't get in the way and there's not too much of it, but once it starts introducing armored versions of previous enemy types it's kind of done doing anything different. It is really good at getting people to out themselves as having no idea what tower defense is as a genre though!

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

I haven't really historically been a "Musou Guy". Not to say I've actively disliked them, they're just not something I've seeked out very often or played very much of. Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition kinda turned me into a "Musou Guy" a little bit? It's good, surprisingly-less-mindless-than-you'd-think fun.

I actually super don't care about the Zelda branding. I think all the fanservice stuff is meh at best. What I do care about is that there's a ton of character variety and a metric shitload of content. There's so many different characters and weapons for those characters that all play differently from one another and SOOOOOO many levels to play. Like the story mode is, again, kinda meh, the real meat of the game is the Adventure mode and there's a ton of it. It's 8 different world maps, each based off a different Zelda game, with each square of the map containing a little mini-scenario with unique objectives and rewards. There has to be at least 1000 scenarios between all the maps. There's so much. And that's not even getting into some of the other side stuff like the challenge modes and the fairy raising. It's a crazy amount of game in this game.

And again, it's not as mindless as it'd seem. It's not really a game ABOUT destroying 5000 guys, it's an area control and resource management game where the 5000 guys are one of those resources. Knowing who to send where and when to fight who is way more important than pressing the XXX YYY XXX YYY on the more than one million troops.

I'd say that if you're even cursorily potentially maybe interested in a musou game, this is the one to try. And if you like it, it could literally be your forever game. A sequel came out recently too, and I'm looking forward to trying that out soon.

Phantasy Star Online 2 (Xbox One, 2020)

Phantasy Star Online 2 finally came stateside in the year 2020, eight years after its initial Japanese release and initial American cancellation. It's no Phantasy Star Online 1, but it is a really fun game in its own right provided you can find the willpower to break through its clunkiness and eight years of confusing poorly tutorialized free-to-play MMO cruft.

The main thing going for PSO2, and this is a major improvement from PSO1, is that the act of engaging in its combat is fun. The combat is just feels really really good. There's a bunch of different weapon types and classes, and once you find the ones that really click with you you're in for a good time, whether you're izuna dropping dudes with wire claws or literally doing air juggles and rainstorm from Devil May Cry with the dual machine guns.

The other stuff around that combat is weird. I generally like it, but it's weird. The story mode is one of the most bizarrely presented things I've ever seen. It apparently used to be something you'd seek out in the levels themselves, but presently it's just a list of scenes you pick from a menu and watch with next to no context until it makes you fight a boss sometimes. There's some weird moments in there that MIGHT have been cool if it were presented in literally any other way?

The systems and presentation are also way more... I dunno, pinball? Pachislot? In very stark contrast to how chill original Phantasy Star Online was, everything in PSO2 is designed in a way to maximize that flashy light bing bing wahoo you got ~*~RARE DROP CHANCE UP~*~ feeling. Which isn't to say I don't like flashy light bing bing wahoo, but it's a weird different thing.

Was it worth the wait? Yeah, sure! For me! This is another one that I played like 300 hours of! I haven't even seen half of it, I fell off right before Episode 4 released because it coincided with my move! I'm gonna go back and see all that shit! PSO2's fun! A different flavor of fun than the original, sure, but fun all the same. Another one that I'm glad finally made it over here.

Riichi Mahjong (A Table, 1924)

Holy shit I fucking did it I finally learned how to play Mahjong and it rules.

It started when I picked up Clubhouse Games for the Switch. I saw that it had Riichi Mahjong and something in my brain snapped. For whatever reason, I decided that this was the time I was going to rip the band-aid off and figure this shit out. It wasn't too dissimilar to the first time I decided to try eggs, but that's a different and much stupider story for a different time. I did the tutorial in Clubhouse Games, looked up some more basics and advice because the tutorial wasn't super amazing, and I kept playing while being aided by the game's nice helper features like the button that pulls up recommended hands. I kept playing and... sorta got it. I learned the basic rules, but none of the strategy. And then I stopped playing for a few months.

In that few months, for whatever reason, a decent amount of people I know had their brains snap the same way? Like a more-than-two amount of people I'm either friends with or following online also decided to learn Mahjong. I decided to get back on the horse and downloaded Mahjong Soul and I don't know whether it was perseverance or the power of anime babes, but this time I got it. I still refer to a sheet with all the hands and whether they work open or closed, and I'm by no means a master player, but I actually honest to god understand what I'm doing and it's an incredible feeling.

Mahjong has such a huge amount of what I like to call "Get That Ass" energy. It is the energy you feel when you get someone's ass. In Mahjong you are either constantly getting someone's ass or getting your ass gotten. Someone puts down the wrong tile and you fucking GET THEIR ASS DUDE! They're got!! They're a fucking idiot that put down the wrong thing and now you have their points!!! Or you draw what you need yourself and you're a brain genius all according to plan and everyone gives you points because you're so wise!!!! It's great!!!!!

Mahjong has long been one of those games where I'd say "I'll learn this someday" and never reeeeally actually try to learn, and I'm so glad I finally took the effort to because it's good as hell. And, truth be told, it wasn't THAT hard to learn? Like you can get to the point where I was where I didn't know the strategy fairly easily in my opinion, and once you do that It's just a matter of continuing to play to understand the rest. I highly recommended that you also go out and learn it if you similarly revel in getting that ass, it's so satisfying once you do.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon (PlayStation 4, 2020)

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio took a big gamble with Yakuza: Like a Dragon. After seven games (more if you take spinoffs and remakes into consideration) they decided to focus on a new main character and, even more unexpectedly, they decided to change things up by turning the series into a turn-based JRPG. Their gamble paid off in spades. This is easily in my top 3 favorite Yakuza games.

The JRPG gameplay is surprisingly solid. There's definite room for improvement, but they nailed a bunch of it right out of the gate. Some mechanics are a little janky and I wish the job system was more fleshed out or just worked more like Final Fantasy V's, but they nailed one of the most important things and made the battles brisk and fun. It's a great foundation, especially for a team that's never attempted anything like this, and it's way more fun than the combat's been in any of the previous Dragon Engine games. I can't wait to see them iterate on it.

Everything else is top fuckin' notch. The music is great, the side content is fully fleshed out in a way it hasn't been since before they switched to the Dragon Engine, and I love the characters and story so much. Yakuza has a new main character in Ichiban Kasuga, and he's my son and I love him. Kiryu was great, and I love him too, but he was a bit of a passive protagonist. Stuff happened around him and he mostly just stoically reacted to it. Ichi is a much more active lead and it's great. He's a big lovable dope, and his tendency to keep an upbeat attitude and eagerness to leap into action is such a breath of fresh air. And it's not only Ichiban, since this is an RPG you have a whole party of characters and they're all great! Having them with you at all times bantering with each other and reacting to things is another great change of narrative pace, too.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon just straight up rules. As someone who has historically not been too much of a fan of the Dragon Engine games, it's simultaneously a refreshing new take on the series and a fantastic return to form. I can't wait for what comes next. Wherever Ichiban goes, I go.

Moon: Remix RPG Adventure (Nintendo Switch, 2020)

After 23 years of Japanese PS1 exclusivity, Moon: Remix RPG Adventure finally got an English release this year for Nintendo Switch. I'm glad it did, because Moon isn't just the very definition of A Sebmal Game. It's the Sebmal Game missing link. In addition to being just a great video game, it helped me make a mental throughline for a bunch of games I love and a large part of my taste in video games.

To keep a long story short (seriously, I have a much much longer version of this saved in my drafts that I'll maybe finish someday), Moon turned out to be not the JRPG I assumed it was, given the title and basic story pitch, but a secret prequel to a game I love named Chulip. Moon's developer, Love-de-Lic, was formed by a handful of ex-Squaresoft employees, many of which worked on an extremely formative game I love named Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. Love-de-Lic broke up in the year 2000 and its staff went on to form a bunch of different studios that ended up making a BUNCH of different games I love like Chibi-Robo, Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland, Dandy Dungeon, and the aforementioned Chulip. These games, when you make the connection and line them up, all have a very distinct weirdness in common that makes perfect sense once you've realized many of the same people worked on them. Figuring this all out felt like snapping a piece of my brain back in place, and it was really crazy to come to understand exactly how much this studio that formed and disbanded decades before I'd even heard of them had impacted my tastes and, hell, my life.

So what is Moon, for those who don't innately understand what I mean by "a secret prequel to Chulip"? Moon is an adventure game where you explore a world with a day/night cycle, learn about that world's inhabitants, and eventually solve their problems. Think of it kind of like The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, but if the sidequests were the entirety of the focus with no Groundhog Day time reset mechanic and none of the Zelda stuff like combat and dungeons. You play as a young boy who, after a late night JRPG binge session, is sucked into the world of the game he was just playing. Everything is off from the way it was portrayed while the boy was playing the game, though. The hero he had previously controlled is actually a silent menace, raiding peoples' houses for treasure and slaughtering every innocent animal that crosses his path in an endless quest for EXP. The townspeople seem more concerned with problems in their day-to-day lives than the supposed world threatening crisis outlined in the game's intro. It's up to you as the boy to investigate this world's mysteries, help the townsfolk, mend the damage the hero has done, and eventually restore love to a loveless world.

Speaking of love, I fucking loved Moon. I loved the story, I loved the characters, I loved the music, I loved the way it looks (even though the Switch port is a little crusty in that basic emulator-y kinda way), I loved how constantly bizarre and surprising and funny it was. Like I said earlier, it's the very definition of a game made for me. It was essentially the progenitor of a long line of games made for me, and of games potentially made for me but I don't know yet because I haven't played them due to not understanding Japanese (UFO: A Day in the Life translation next please? Anyone from Onion Games reading this??). For as similar as Moon and Chulip are in their systems and pacing, I think I might actually like Moon better despite it coming earlier? It's not as full force maximum impact absurd as Chulip is, but it is a lot more playable and less obtuse once you get a grip on the time limit mechanic. You don't need a full strategy guide included in the instruction manual for Moon, and you don't need to exchange business cards with every single character to get information vital to finishing the game either.

I truly cannot recommend Moon enough if your taste in games ventures anywhere off the beaten path. Maybe this is a little conceited of me, but I assume if you're reading this article, let alone this far down into it, you relate to my video game opinions at least a little bit? You should play Moon. Everyone reading this sentence should play Moon. Moon: Remix RPG Adventure is my game of the year for the year 2020.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Death Stranding (PlayStation 4, 2019): Death Stranding, much like Metal Gear Solid V, was a game I enjoyed for the gameplay and not much else. The story, characters, and writing were a huge disappointment for me, but man if I didn't enjoy lugging those boxes around and setting up my hellish cross-continental goon summer camp lookin' zipline network. Mr. Driller Drill Land (Nintendo Switch, 2020): I am a known Mr. Driller Enjoyer, and I enjoyed this Mr. Driller. Originally released for the Gamecube, Mr. Driller Drill Land is another long-time Japanese exclusive that finally came stateside this year and it's packed with new and novel twists on the Mr. Driller format. It looks super sharp, the music's great (also the credits music is the most impossibly out of place and extra as hell shit in the world and it's hilarious), and it's just a good ass time. The main campaign is pretty damn short, but if you're a post-game content kinda guy it has that and it's all super hard. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PlayStation 4, 2020): They finally made another good new Tony Hawk game, and all it took was perfectly remaking two of the best old Tony Hawk games! Plays exactly like you remember it with the added benefit of the best mechanics from up to THUG1, looks great, packed full of content, even has most of the music alongside some mostly crappy new stuff. It's the full package as is, but I do hope they end up adding THPS3 to it eventually. Mad Rat Dead (Nintendo Switch, 2020): Mad Rat Dead was a pleasant surprise that I only picked up because I saw a couple of people on my Twitter timeline constantly talking about it. A fun and inventive platformer where all your actions need to be on beat with the music. The gameplay feels great (aside from some not so great performance issues on Switch), the soundtrack is fun, and it's got a real good style to it. Demon's Souls (PlayStation 5, 2020): I love Demon's Souls and this is Demon's Souls. It plays exactly the same with some minor quality of life changes. I don't agree with many of the artistic changes, but there's no denying it looks incredible on a technical level. If you want to play Demon's Souls again or for the first time, this is a perfectly valid and fun way to do so. Groove Coaster: Wai Wai Party!!!! (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Groove Coaster is one of my favorite rhythm games, and they finally made an acceptable at-home version with Wai Wai Party. It's not a perfect replication of the arcade game control-wise, I have some issues with the song choices, and the pricing is frankly fucking ridiculous if you're not a Groove Coaster maniac like I am, but the same ultra satisfying gameplay is all there. You can even play it vertically in handheld mode! Flip Griiiiiiiip!

And we're done! Phew! Honestly didn't realize I played that many good games until I typed all this out. Thanks as always for reading this far. I'm gonna try and get back to regularly posting Breviews this year at the very least. Honestly don't know if I'll get anything else up on here, but we'll see. Here's to hoping 2021 is a little bit less of a nightmare!

#article #Year Wrapup

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alexanderlee1012 · 4 years ago

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Reflections on Mulan

It took me a long time to cherish my Taiwanese-American heritage. Growing up in the United States, it wasn’t a facet of my identity that I attached any importance to. As a child, I even actively denied that part of me. Whenever my family went out to eat Chinese food, I threw a temper tantrum and would only eat if we stopped by fast food first. I didn’t bother speaking Chinese; I replied to my Mom’s Mandarin in English and I consistently repeated the entry level class for my Saturday Chinese-school until I was not compelled to go anymore. The only attempt to understand the vast history and traditions of my culture was acknowledging the bare minimum to profit off of the New Years.

While there are many reasons for my delayed acceptance of my culture and identity, the portrayal of Asians in Western Society was definitely a significant factor. Similar to many young children, I was deeply impacted by television and movies. My weeks were organized by TV show airtimes and the few times I was able to go to the movies were momentous occasions. I idolized the heroes on screen, wishing to become just like them. However, what I saw on the screen never closely resembled me. Almost all Western media featured white protagonists, and in the few moments there was somebody of Chinese descent, they were essentially a one-dimensional caricature that was completely unrelatable (for men, choose either kung fu master or a super nerd, and for women, choose an exotic hypersexualized love interest or submissive wallflower). Many values are actively defined and imprinted at a societal level, and this one was no different. The messaging from Hollywood was loud and clear: there is nothing valuable about being Asian American; this culture only deserves to be simplified to basic tropes.

To my delight, as my own relationship with my culture deepened and flourished over the decades, it seemed that the media’s portrayal of Asians were finally evolving as well. First starting on the fringes, with Asian-American content creators using new platforms such as YouTube to reach directly to their audience, then slowly creeping into the mainstream, with sitcoms and major blockbuster films. Finally, Asian-Americans can be cast as characters that were complex and interesting. Their only defining feature wasn’t just that they were Asian! Similar to white actors and actresses, it was just another part of their identity. Witnessing Asians star in these multifaceted roles has been amazing given how the landscape was just a few years prior.

I also understand that at the end of the day media is a business, and for this movement to not be temporary, Asians need to throw their full support when these things happen. Personally, I watched Crazy Rich Asians four times (two times in theaters, once on a plane, and then renting again at home to show my mom), and I’ve been subscribed to Wong Fu’s Patreon ever since I’ve learned of it. So of course, given this momentous live-action remaking of Mulan, I’ve been at the edge of my seat, excited and ready to support.

Especially given the cultural phenomenon that was Black Panther, I was ecstatic that Disney was going to take on Mulan again. While many were bemoaning the exclusion of Mushu, Shang and those classic songs, I actually grew more excited since the director stated that she made those decisions to be more faithful to the original legend. The anticipation kept growing and growing as the pandemic forcibly pushed back the release again and again. Until finally, this past Friday’s release on Disney+, where I eagerly paid the additional $30 premium access to be among the first to support the movie.

My disappointment was immeasurable.

While there are many major flaws to dive deep into regarding this movie (especially the superpowers that weaken the narrative of a woman fighting to be seen as an equal in a patriarchal society), I wanted to spend some time to speak on some smaller details that yanked me out of the immersion by how grossly misrepresented it was. In life, it’s the small actions that build up to communicate your intent. Love is shown by showing care and consistency in the tiniest of details; however, in this case, the small details accumulated to disrespect and disregard instead. These cultural details clearly didn’t matter to the people designing this film.

Warning slight spoilers ahead, but nothing too major if you’re familiar with the story.

The villagers from Mulan’s hometown all lived together in a Tulou (土樓), a circular earthen hut that can house many families. However these buildings are a facet of the Hakka people living in Fujian originating from the 12th century. Mulan’s story takes place in the Northern Wei Dynasty; which occurs during 386 to 534 AD and is, as the name describes, in the northern part of China. Not only is it geographically inaccurate, but there is a time difference of 600+ years there! That would be akin to placing a modern skyscraper penthouse into the Renaissance.

As someone who is learning more about Chinese tea to connect to their culture, the teapot used during the matchmaking scene was equally jarring. The teapot was a Yokode kyusu, a teapot that has a side handle 90 degrees from the sprout. While Japanese tea culture was originally imported from China during the Song Dynasty, the cultures have significantly diverged. Each has their unique vessels, tools, and processing techniques worthy of celebrating (matcha vs pu’er, sencha vs oolong, yokode kyusu vs yixing). However, maybe to the creators of this movie, east Asian culture is just all the same to them.

The phoenix was a central character in the movie, and to the chagrin of many fans of the original, Mushu’s replacement. As the Hua family’s ancestral guardian spirit, it provided a nice symbolism for Mulan, as her character’s male persona dies and she is reborn as Hua Mulan. What is egregious is that Phoenixes are not even an animal within Chinese folklore, that’s a Western (Greek) myth! While some may point out that there is a Chinese mythical bird called the Fenghuang (鳳凰), these are immortal birds that only choose to visit regions when there is peace and prosperity. What it definitely is NOT is a reincarnating bird leading warriors into the heat of battle. Sure, Fenghuang are genderfluid and that does match Mulan, but why was the only emphasized trait of the bird the aspect from Greek lore? Why bother taking out Mushu to be closer to the original if it’s replacement is a Western myth?

Finally, I have to bring up the obvious change in accents that happened when Mulan changed from a kid to an adult. Why cast a child actor with an American accent if the main character has a Chinese accent? There is no way that any other movie with a 200M+ budget would have allowed a white child actor to speak with an American accent, to then change it to a British accent when that character grew up and not even acknowledge it. Are we just supposed to be okay with it since they’re at least both Chinese looking?

No movie will ever be picture perfect in representing any culture, trade-offs are inevitable. However, I can’t see how those choices above added anything. Why would you make the villagers live in a Tulou? Was it critical to the plot? Every other Mulan adaptation is fine without a Greek Phoenix, why make it so necessary to this re-telling? Those small details exposed the attitude that I was all too familiar with growing up: who cares about representing actual Chinese culture?

After watching that movie, it felt as if the creative process was a room of white people gathered together, cherry-picking what fit their own narrative, sprinkling some Asian artifacts throughout, shrugging and saying to each other “That’s Chinese-y right? Good enough for me!” Imagine my lack of surprise when I checked to see that none of the screenwriters, producers or director had an Asian background. Chinese culture is the longest continuing culture in the world. It deserves to be shared for what it is (warts and all), not to be trivialized into a simplified palette that’s easiest to digest. Chinese representation in Western media should be about collaborating with us as peers, not to be used as a tool to extract the growing affluence of the Chinese and it’s diaspora.

I so badly wanted this to be a celebration, but now it’s a lose-lose situation. I wouldn’t want the younger version of me to watch this. It would have pushed me further away from my culture; I would either not relate to the characters alluding to “honor” every other sentence, or I would see that my culture isn’t worth even having just one person in this $200M major blockbuster film correct the gross cultural inaccuracies. On the other hand, I also don’t want critics to point at bad numbers and proclaim that Asian representation isn’t worth the investment.

I just wish for us to be portrayed as who we truly are.

#mulan #disney #asian representation #anti mulan 2020 #mulan 2020 #disney mulan

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swaglexander-the-great · 5 years ago

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If you feel like it : develop on your hatred of the new Beauty and the Beast movie? I've heard a lot of salt about the way the music score was handled 👀

O MAN DO NOT DO THIS

Every time I think about this film, rage fills me like a super saiyan powering up and i scream

How do i even start

i think i will do bullet points

these will not be in any coherent order, I take no criticisms on this or my extreme bias

also i have not watched this movie for like years so my rage may outweigh my accuracy BUT

The opening?? With Cate blanchett narrating?? Who do u think u are?? Lord of the Rings? Peter Jackson in an epic trilogy changing the world forever?? You’re Disney eating your own meal and shitting it out again don’t fucking even try it

They didn’t even change anything and the animated intro was much shorter and better

The enchantress enters like Malificent, acts like a trickster god japing bitches, but try to paint her as Good uwu Princess.

Gaston, roughly the size of an ox if the ox was a slightly buff man who would bounce off Terry Crew’s majestic chest like a ping pong ball

You don’t have to be a crusty cynical adult to narrow ur eyes at that twunk picking up a solid 170kg of two people and think CGI

Yes, a queer-coded snivelling sidekick who adores a horrible man is exactly the gay representation we all wanted may I lick ur boots Disney and also suck ur dick but only if we say no homo

Gaston’s sidekick (don’t ask me to spell french) bribing the bar people to like Gaston or something??? The whole point?? Is that Gaston DOES check off the list for Desirable Bachelor in those times!! Can hunt? Yes. Lorge? Yes. Well off? Yup! An asshole? Of course, but does that matter in these times? No! Your privilege is to wash his socks! But Belle is a Different and Special Girl who DOESN’T find Gaston attractive for all the things the village thots do! Gaston is the outer ‘perfection’ that society praises while he’s still a cunt, the Beast is seeing the goodness within no matter what society says! The whole movie is fucking inverted by that one goddamn scene!! I hate this film!!!

this also makes it fuckin weird that they then discriminate against Maurice and side with gaston in the end? The villagers just do whatever the fuck the writer wants them to do and in this it’s so painfully obvious, the CEO of disney may as well be standing there with flags directing their movements in the background, I hate this fucking film

Instead of making cool inventions belles dad just makes like, a weird dolls house if I remember correctly

THEY DUBBED THE WOLVES IWTH TIGER NOISES! W H Y

The Be My Guest was so lacklustre. It was like a clown singing kareoke in an empty warehouse while frisbees fly around. You wasted Ewan McGregor on this. Disney has no imagination anymore

To add to that, the ending ballroom scene dance thing?? Lacklustre. Disappoint. Bad dress.

The best character in this film is the horse, who not only remembers the impossible way to the Beast castle, but runs at max speed between the two locations (a half-day journey), regularly with ease, carries the Beast, who IS roughly the size of an ox, and fights off fucking wolves who also seem to totally ignore his presence

Disney robbed me of the one scene I did desperately want, which was Belle deadlifting the Beast on to the main character, the horse

THE PLAGUE

ok the fucking plague ok. You do not mess with the goddamn plague. And this wasn’t cowpox either, this was the full 1500’s shithole Paris Black Death burn-you-alive fucking PLAGUE. Belle’s mom had the Plague, and both her and her dad somehow did not contract this while living with her through her entire sickness, they go to a different town (ISOLATE U HEATHENS) and then?? The Beast and Belle GO BACK to a plague house and run their hands all over shit! Do you know how long the plague takes to die off?? Even TODAY when we dig up a plague pit, everyone has to get immunized, I know this from EXPERIENCE. Congratulations, you and the Beast either have plague or have introduced it to your lovely village. Do not fuck lightly with the plague.

The magic fucking teleportation book.

Why

what the shit

WHY

They use this shit to instantly Star Trek beam themselves into a plague house

I assume the Beast wasn’t using this to heist random women to see if they would fall in love with him because, like, why would you not do this when you can just politely return them with your stupid magical teleport book

People attack the castle? Use the magical teleport book dumbass

The Beast’s unnecessary, long, boring song from the top of some fucking tower, idk, I skipped it, I got bored

The Beast design. What’s the point if he doesn’t look like feral garbage please. Also his voice pissed me off but I can’t remember why

I dont like him even personality wise

give him to Guillemo del toro you cowards

This was set in Actual History for some fucking stupid reason, and for another unfathomable reason, it was set directly before the French Revolution, so I guess it’s not a happy ending at all. Who wants to be transformed into a guillotine ?

Why is it so fucking dark half the time

The teapot is creepy

Why in the shit did we get the Prince’s fuckin weird tragic backstory? We don’t care. Man get turned beast is what we come for. And why? Why do we need a tragic backstory to excuse his actions? Can he not just be an asshole? Rich, stupid asshole? Who then maybe has to learn a lesson? Instead of oh tortured soul rich boy is so misunderstood! No. Die.

Disney’s absolute desperate need to have characters be ONLY GOOD or BAD BAD makes me want to knee the face of the collective corporation so hard that they are sent into the Hell Dimension

Where did the hot priest at the start go? Why do I think of him sometimes

They want this to be painfully French, but somehow ends up and an even more agonizing blend between painfully British and ass-kissingly american.

Why does the castle just fall apart like that. What is holding it together? Spirit gum? Why? Stone that looks like it has been soldered together with a welding iron doesn’t just give out, or The Earth would have caved in millenia ago

Ian McKellan uses his Gandalf voice and in this film it’s honestly a crime and also jarring to hell

The prince is not hot at all

The stupid dubbed growl at the end which I try so hard to repress makes me want to throw myself into a swimming pool full of mace

The only 1 good thing about this film was the dude who got dressed up by the dresser and was so fucking happy about it.

People complain about the soundtrack, but I for one refused to listen to the songs that bored me within the first 20 seconds, and the ones I listened to were like average remakes of the OGs so that wasn’t really the worst sin

This film so visibly sucked its own dick that this is probably why it was banned in china

Thinking about this film makes me want to commit Violence so I think it’s about time I stopped

I will not be taking constructive criticism or counterpoints to anything about my thoughts on this ever.

Goodbye and thank you for your curiosity

#beauty and the beast #beauty and the beast 2017 #disney #emma watson #disney remakes #I want to beat this film to death #asks #my asks #awesome people #writing #film reviews

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