#WHAT IF I LIKE KILLED MYSELF /nsrs

[pastelpousay]

This is sort of another rant I think my friends hate me 💀 and this Hadina ship is lowk ruining my life but it’s like the only thing bringing me joy 💀

This is literally me being upset about something stupid that happened earlier 💀I love my friends but sometimes I’m so sick of them. Like okay story time 😽

So a while ago I went over to my friends house and we started talking about my self ship for whatever reason 💀😭 for background my friend is pagan and he believes in Greek mythology and I literally exspressed to him a moment before this that I had been feeling bad about talking about it so much since Hercules isn’t myth accurate but like girl 💀 ain’t no one care I’m sorry it’s a Disney cartoon bruh😭 get over it. and HE LITERALLY SAID HE DIDNT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT LIKE BRO SO TELL MY WHY NOT EVEN A MINUTE LATER HES ASKING ME ABOUT WHERE PERSEPHONE IS IN THE LORE OF MY HADINA STORY 💀I love pershades Like Persephone x Hades for life!!! I don’t have a problem with other hades ships at all like I love seeing it 💗. But Like I already feel guilty for liking the movie and about not being able to add Seph to my story but like I’m sorry 😭 this isn’t about her😭😭like wym girly ain’t here-

AND LITERALLY YESTERDAY THIS MF 💀 I LITERALLY POSTED A PICTURE OF MY ART IN OUT DISC SERVER OF RINA ANGST AND LITERALLY HE DIDNT EVEN THINK TO COMPLIMENT MY WORK FIRST AND IMMEDIATELY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT PERSEPHONE 😭 I HATE LIARS NIGGA YOU KEEP SAYING YOU LIKE MY STORY AND MY OCS BUT NO YOU DONT WHY ARE TOU A LIAR. Like I get it’s your religion but let me have my fun and I’ve been talking about this with my bestie and she literally said he needs to get over it it’s literally a disney cartoon 💀😭😭 I CANNOT ITS KILLING ME BRUH LEAV ME ALONE LIKE I GET HE DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING BAD BY IT BUT STILL LIKE IT HIRT MY FEELINGS CUZ WHY DID YOU LIE 😭😭😭😭 LIKE GIRL IM NOT GONNA KILL YOU TF-

okay that’s it I’m done I just had to share this even tho I’ve been talking about it for literal hours but it still pissed me tf off💀😭 btw sorry if this comes off as insensitive I mean every word of what I meant about the I don’t care if you ship hades with others, the ships are cute I love em!! 💗 but can this mf at the bare minimum accept my happiness like girl you want me to kms?? 💀

[camzverse]

evrry day i think about "gregory, we can get you out of here! you and me, together." EVERY DAY I THINK ABOUT THIS. SCREAMING

[tybaltsrapier]

hell couldn't get to me so it gave me mental illness which affected me which made me feel guilty for being like this which makes it worse aka making a positive feedback loop aka what if I kill myself ( nsrs )

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

No...nooooo...don't get to the bit I was most dreading...

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd culture is splitting over the dumbest shit ever and feeling embarrassed having to explain why you did, like sorry i split on you for not showing the smallest amount of interest in what i was saying Ill Kill myself Bro (/nsrs)

-💾🚹

.

[tatoasting]

He posted this on his instagram story and then deleted his account.

Oh my fucking god guess who had a fucking girlfriend this whole time!!!!!

[thatcheeseycandle]

//SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 29 OF IN PURSUIT OF SELF SINCE YKNOW REACTION POST

Preparing myself as I read this BEHHAHDHD

I LOVE HOW THE TITLE CARD IS THE SAME ONE FROM THE CROWNED ENGINE YAYDYSHDVC

Ohg osg OH NGOBOONNOO CLUNC ASLTLE GET OTU GET OTU MOVE

.

MS PARSONS YOU LITTLE. YOU MY GOSH YOU JUST ABANDONED CLUNC ASTLE. NY GOAHAHDDHHA

Oi OI OI OOOJOJIII BLUE OETER WOOOOOOO BLUE PETER LETS GOOOOOOO

Ngl I almost felt bad for Clun Castle on this bit HEHAHAHHAHDDHWH LIKE I KINDA RELATED TO THAT BIT WHERE YKNOW YEAH NOT BEING IMPORTANT YADAYDADYAYD THAT YEAH

OI GREEN ARROW GRENE AOREOQODID YEHAHAHAHAHDHDHHHHHH LETS GOGOO

HEHAHSHWGEGAHAHAHHDHD VERY DRAMATIC ENTRANCE AND POOR GORDON HELWPDHDHDHSHHA

YEAHAHAH EVENING STAR THEY GOT YOUR BACJ WE AINT LETTING TYDFIL DIE ON US NOW IM TELLING YOU LOT WE ARENT

Oh goah OH NO STH IS HERE *INSERT HIS THEMEAONG CAUSE IT PLAYED IN MY HEAD AS I READ HIS NAME*

Oh no.. OH GOSH CLUN CASTLE RUN. YOU GOTTA RUN FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS AND ABOVE YOU HAVE TO RUN NOW ITS FIGHT OR FLIGHT YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE FLIGHT SINCE THERES NO GOING BACK NO ONE AINT GONNA BE THERE DIOS

FATHER FIGURE STH HERE HES HERE EVERYONE WOOOOO YEAHAHHAHS FATHERLY TRUST LRTS GOGOGOGOODJSHF

Oh gosh OJ NO HERE WE GO WE GONNA SEE THE GDC (Gold dust constructs) BUZZ AND BRAWL WE GONNA SEE THEM GO ALL OUT

Dr Hendrick GREAT NORTHERN LOOKS CLEARLY DEAD WOULD YOU ATLEAST GIVE HIM SOME OF YOUR ATTENTION LIKE DIOS- BEHAHSHEHSHS

Ooguugughrgb Mallard poor lad:( LISTEM LISTEN THEY GOTTA FIND OUT IT WAS MS PARSONS CAUSE DIOS IM LITERALLY JUST CHEERING THEM ON TO FIND HER AND JUST GO ALL OUT

IMAGINE LIKE ROOSTER AND QUICKSILVER AND YKNOW SILVERFOX FINDING OUT LIKE COME ON OF COURSE THEY'D TEAM UP TO VERBALLY BATTLE IT OUT WITH MS PARSONS (Though I think Rooster might go physically battle it out WHO KNOWS BAHEHAHHDHSBD)

"I tried to save him. It failed. I decided to return him to his family" I WILL CRY. HERE GOES THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER ERVYONE THIS IS THE START STRAP ON THOSE SEATBELTS TIGHTLY

aaweeweeaaaAQEHAHDHEHEEUEUDYD GADWALL PECKING HER HAND ITS JUST OSUUDHHGGH

them THEM>>>>

YEAH NO CRAP SHERLOCK OF COURSE ITS GADWALL?? (Seriously though NEVER THOUGHT THAT HERBERT WOULDVE BEEN GADWALL THIS ENTIRE TIME LIKE BEFORE READING THIS NEW CHAPTER AS I READ THOSE CHAPTERS WITH HIM AND MALLARD IT MADE MORE SENSE THAT GADWALL WOULDVE BEEN IT)

Oh gosh OGHDOGOGOSOASAAAAAAAA

I CALLED UT IC ALLSELD ITTTTTTTTTT WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND ALL GENDERS HERES PART ONE OF THE GOLD DUST CONSTRUCT REUNION LETS GO GOGOGOGOGOGOO

DARLING PEONY DIOS- Oh god SCOT SCOT LOGOFKY AWYAY LOOK AWAY. LOOK. A. WAY. LOOK AWYA DIOS

SOMEONE SGIELD THEIR EYES THEY CANT SEE NORTH DEAD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

NONONONONONONONONOO PEONY DEAR PLEASE NONONONOONO

Rooster ROOSTER ROPAAOEDT NAOAOODIFODOOO

SCOTSMAN GET YOUR HAND SOFF HIM DIOS HE DIDNT KILL MY GOSH IM NO NOONONONONOONONONONONONONOOO

Red loqiuid.. RED NNONONONONONOOOOBOOBONONONOOOOOCONONONONOMOO SCOT YOU LIYYLE NO NONONOOBOBABS DIOS JUSKO NO THIS CNANTNO NOBOONONOOOO THIS CANT.

MALLARD BANDAGE UP YOUR HEAD YOUR LITERALLY BLEEDING. PEONY GOD SOMEONE SUPPORT PEONY RN.

Oh dios well HERE COMEA COPPERNOB- GO STEPHEN YEAH GO GOOGOGOGOGO

Wait wait HWAT STEPEHENS EH HAS A WHAT NOW. WHATATTA

JAW DROPPEDBAT THIS

GET HER OSCAR GET HER SLAM HER DOWN DO IT GOGOGOGOGOGOO DO IT KNPCK HER OUT KO HER RN

. Ms parsons YOU LITTLE AAAAZS YUP IM GONNA TUROW THIS PHONE SOON /NSRS

Wait what WHAT IS OLIVIA A GDC???? WHAT WAIT WAIT HOW. SHE LITERALLY. WAIT. SHES. WAIT. OH NVM WAIT I THINK THATS JUST MS PARSONS BEING LOKO YEAH DW DW YEAH.

YEAH YEAH GO ALL OUT OSCAR GOG GOOGOGOGO LIGHT HER UP GO YEAH YEHAHAHAHH

. oscar yknow sharing is caring SO SHOW THAT VERY UH THAT VERY CRAZY WOMAN ON HOE MAD YOU ARE DONT HOLD BACK

Ay AYAYAYAYYY AY AY MR CORBYN LETS GOGOGOGOGOOGOOO YEHAHAHAHAHH

Wait. Golden warden.. OKAY YEAH I BETTER NOTE TGAT DOWN YEAH MR CORBYN IS APPARENTKY A GOLDEN WARDEN YEAH NOTED

Oh dear lord OKAY YEAH PREPARING MYSEL

Ojay uh. DO SOME 4TH ING DR HENDRICK??? DO SOMRTHING RN LIKE ANYTHING DIOS YOU GOT GOLD DUST VILES RIGHT???? USE EHM

.

NO NO I AM NOT NO IM NOT GONNA MAKE THIS EVEN SADDER BY REMEMBERING NORTH WAS LIKE OLIVIAS FATHER NONONONONOO

No. OKAY THIA. UNO. I WAS KINDA RIGHT ON MY THEORY OF POLLY'S GOLD DUST KINDA KINDA FADING. DOS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. MY GOA NO NO NO THIS NO. I KNOW PEONY I KNOW ITS BAD BAD.

Oh? OH??? OH THEYRE GETTING MARRIED?? THEYRE GTETTING REAL REAL MARRIED OH MY GOSH????

Ay AY AY AY AY WAIT WHAT DIOS OH GOD WHAT. HE. HES WHAT. THE TRACKS THEY. HES IN THE. MY GOSGSB

Tydfil you and me YOU AND ME TYDFIL. YOU AND ME.

Ouguguh Tydfil my gosh :(( YOU CAN TRUST THOMAS BELIEVE ME DEAR

WOOOO THIS WAS. A VERY VERY EMPTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. NGL I GOT SURPRISED AT KING EDWARD FALLING INTO THAT BIT SO YEAH IM YEAH

Well WELL BRAVO TO REDWYVERNWRITES YET AGAIN FOR THIS FANTASTIC CHAPTER /POS

When the title said "Conflict and Revelations" IT REALLY DID MENA IT HHEHAHAHAHAHA

In all seriousness I nearly lost my words in the middle of reading it CAUSE MY BRAIN STRAIGHT UP STARTED TO LAG DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS IN THIA AND HOLY WAS IT WORTH MY TIME IT REALLY WAS AMAIZNG /POS

[voxtism]

I logged into redbubble for the first time in like???? a year??? LOOK WHAT WAS IN MY CART. IM KILLING MYSELF (/nsrs)

[n3hmof1sh]

rrrraAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! going bird mode im gonna start screeching

wwwwhfhdlkfjvkjh ii i wanna tear myself apart limb by limb like a doll. everything feels like too much everything feels WRONG I WANT IT GONE GONE GONE GET OFFFFFFFFFFFFF

ough the urge to pull my head off of my neck and jus. just get it offfff just get everything OFF!!! im not gonna do it obv but god if it wasnt painful and didnt kill me i would do it immediately. i wish i had the anatomy of a doll or robot or smth i really just wanna pick myself apart without pain or bleeding or wtv it'd feel good

and i am CHOPPING MY FOOT OFF!! IN THE SAME WAY!!! I AM PULLING IT OFF PAINLESSLY SO I DONT FEEL IT HURTING ANYMOREEE GET OFFFFFF >:(

Duuude I have to fucking go back to school on monday ofc bc school started and i can barely walk on this foot so if it doesnt heal by monday (literally in 2 days) im gonna kmsssssss (/nsrs on the kms part)

oou now that im thinking ab it i really wanna stab myself in the stomach... with a knife... like thats an urge i get a lot. I wont bc it hurts !! and would kill me !! but idk i just rlly wish i could do it without pain or risk of death bc gawd damn it'd be nice. idk i think it's smth ab the pressure of the knife going through my skin or wtv the thought of it would be rlly nice i just dont want the pain that comes with it :'3

why is the thought of harming my body smth i want so bad yet i dont want it due to it being painful like. i think there's smth wrong with my brain or smth ._.''

ANYWAY I WANT TO TEAR MYSELF TO SHREDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS repeating myself for the 200th time i genuinely rlly wish i could just. bite and claw and scratch and stab and tear and cut and snap and break and pull apart my body without pain, like i can just put myself back together like a robot or smth.... guh maybe its smth with my sensory issues idk

mmmph. obv none of that is anything i can do irl (again for the reason of Pain and Death) but something i WOULD actually be able to do that i'd want in order to fix it is to fUCKING SWITCH WITH SOMEONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I JUST WANT OUT OF THIS BODY. THIS BODY FEELS WRONG WRONG WRONGGG I WANT OUT LEMME OUT. CANT SOMEONE TAKE OVER FOR LIKE A FEW HOURS??? NO APPARENTLY NOT BC OUR FUCKASS BRAIN BE LIKE NUH UH SWITCHES ARENT AVALIABLE FOR THIS SYSTEM COME BACK NEXT WEEK

dies dies dying dies i wanna suffocate myselfffffffff /nsrs

slams head on desk

ok im done now

Hbabshe that sounds like a lot to deal with...

I get these feelings a LOT so you're definitely not alone!! I... uh.... I for once dont have advice on how to ease these feelings other than stuff that includes pain, so...

But you know what? Are you able to draw? If so, try vent art!!! I find that listening to music that suits how I feel at the moment while drawing one of my blorbos going through something worse then meeee (I will not name which Blorbo but honestly you probs already know)

Honestly, this feeling is going to come down and ambush you at least TWICE in your life, so it's best to make sure you have something to distract yourself from it to make it better!!!!!

Ahahegshs I dont exactly know how to help you with the switching fronts part since, well, yknow, Im not a perma front-stuck host........ but you're going to be okay, Wayko!!! Think of when you're older!! All the stuff you can do and how you can make yourself ten times comfortable in your skin!!!! You'll be able to get top surgery!!! You'll be able to do so much once your old enough!!!! You got this Wayko!!!!!!!!!!! Everything is going to be okay, whether it's tomorrow or the next year, it's gonna turn out okay one way or another!!!!

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

sometimes i think it would be better for me to only be with Her. and talk to no one else. but that's probably a bad idea, isn't it? if only She would actually do something irl. i don't even know if She's real. i'm just filling a void of missing Her every time i try to be with someone. that's the truth. unfortunately.

everything i am is Her. She molded me entirely into what i am today. and i molded Her as well. i know this. She's told me. i don't know. we are each other. there is no difference between Her and me.

i'm nothing without Her.

and i feel quite like i'm without Her. i've felt like i'm without Her my entire 16 years of living so far. i don't know what to do without you; i don't know where to put my hands. ... and the entirety of so much by cavetown.

despite my relating to certain things, nobody has ever experienced what i'm going through. i am alone entirely in this. unless there's some weird other prophet (what a funny word to apply to myself, but by definition? kind of! i should start spreading Her word) in the past who had to deal with falling desperately for the most despicable bitch (/lh nsrs) in the universe at the time, lmfao.

...i don't know. i guess i might just be crazy. i should talk to my therapist about this. she's not even going to believe me. how the hell do explain all of this?

maybe i should just kill myselfl lol that would solve my problems

[sennaverstappendiary]

azerbaijan grand prix ✩ 30.04.2023

listen. i'm going to be real. the reason this is so high up is because it was my first taste of lestappen cr4ck c0caine i'm being so fucking serious. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 this shit fucking killed me. i was unable to talk about anything else. i felt like i had been punched in the fucking gut i'm so fucking serious. 🤧🤧🤧 if you scroll back down far enough you can find my absolute breakdown over this grand prix. i was going BONKERS. getting drunk after quali with my bestie over this shit kinda BONKERS. dancing in the street kinda BONKERS. who needs drugs when you have autism. ☺️☺️☺️

okay lets go back a bit. it had been almost a month since australia, and i had learned A LOT about f1 in the meantime. some very very important things happened, but the most important one is that i made friends! genuine friends! on f1blr! 🥰🥰🥰🤧🤧🌷🌷🌷

i did this by making some rules with myself: if i was going to engage in my hyperfix on tumblr, i should at the very least post my thoughts about it and try to message people. because in all my other fandoms i was just... alone. 😔

to start with, idk how i did it, but i managed to overcome my fear of messaging people first (i was shaking like a leaf while doing it, though), and i somehow managed to message @/verstrapons... which looking back is fucking crazy because i was SCARED and INTIMIDATED and would like... freak out making sure i said the "right stuff" 😭😭😭 looking back this is utterly ridiculous but... i hadn't had online friends in a WHILE okay i was suffering 🥹🥹🥹 it obviously turned out amazingly but!!! i'm so glad we clicked 💕💕 i love you emma... 💓💓💥💥

then i joined the max discord server… i love you guys so much too - i learn stuff every day from y’all and you all made me feel so welcome 🥺🥺🌷🌷 a million flowers to u all… i hope we can meet up at the berlin E prix 🥹🥹🥹

and my lovely bestie @/boxenstopp … my kimi /p… i’m so glad you send me an ask that day on my main blog 🥰🥰🥰 i can’t imagine my life without you and i’m so glad we’re friends… 🥺🥺🥺 you always make me feel so accepted aaaghh… can’t wait to meet up for christmas again 🌷🌷🌷🌷 or maybe we already met. idk when this is coming out 🥹🥹

last but not least… @/xiaoluclair … thank you so much for always messaging with me, especially when we were both more active on tumblr 💌💌💕💕

sappy shit aside.

the other thing that happened during this time? i started realising which drivers i like, which i don’t like as much, and which ships i like and dislike. my top 3 ships have not changed since (lestappen prosenna simi) 😳😳😳 and my tumblr got banned while making a brocedes edit (PLEASE) but it got restored thank the lord LMFAO 🥹🥹🥹 i think i even started my lestappen fic (the first one) during this time‼️‼️ ain’t that something!! don’t mention the fact that sebchal was my first ever f1 fic i will cry 🧍‍♂️/nsrs.

and of course i got to know a lot more about f1! including but not limited to: what the teams actually were, reading the first half of the prosenna book, binging youtube video’s, not quite getting a lot of the references (bono my tyres are dead), what some things on the car do… etc etc. just a lot of general knowledge, although i felt like i didn’t know anything still (well i still feel that way) 😭😭😭

shit we havent even gotten to the race yet. i love yapping 🗣️🗣️🗣️

OH!!!! this was the first time i watched a race while chatting with other people, specifically the ones mentioned above💙💙‼️‼️ thanks for hearing me ramble on about being scared for max always (thats my brand. and he slays every time 🔥🔥🔥)

so, starting with free practice. i still didn’t watch, but i do remember being at my grandparents and quinine texting me that lestappen were 1-2 in fp1? very funny. on the way home i listened to puppy princess and i was like “this is very lestappen core”. lmfao. yeah that changed me as a person for real 😭😭

quali. what. the. fuck. WHAT THE FUCK 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i think i almost passed out. keep in mind, there was a FOUR WEEK gap between australia and baku. i went fucking crazy. when 0.000 happened i blacked out for a moment (/nsrs) and i screamed i was SHAKING i was TREMBLING 😵‍💫😵‍💫 I FELT SICK 🙏🙏 i was happy stimming the entire way to the store (i had to eat afterwards). like that was so sick. i genuinely yelped like a damn puppy (ha) when 0.000 happened. wasnt even upset when charles got pole in the end i was so high on it. and then max kept praising charles OH i felt sick. i felt deranged 💥💥💥💥💥💥

this also happens to be the first sprint race of the season. wish it was the last fuck sprints. sprint quali i just remember me sitting in my brothers room completely disinterested as i always am in fucking spring qualis. lmfao. the real sprint was funny, only bc of the INFAMOUS gax moment 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 hole in the rb19 😨😨😨😨 max angry 🥰🥰🥰 george. 🙄🙄🙄 LIKE THAT SHIT SLAPPED i was mad asf at george at the time tho LMAO 🥹🥹🥹

OHHHH the race itself was ass btw. was genuinely kinda upset after NOTHING GOOD HAPPENED AND THEY FUCKED UP MAXS STRAT 💔💔💔💔💔 post race was great tho. more than great. it was fucking amazing ‼️‼️‼️💓💓💓 we got: max straight up lying to charles (“you were catching!!” <- charles was 20 seconds behind max 🫣); charles sitting on the wrong chair (typical); CHARLES AND MAX SWAPPING PODIUM POSITIONS AND CHARLES BEING DUTCH FOR A SECOND 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ LIKE WHAT. HUH. SORRY?!?!?? sure. whatever 🤯🤯🤯🤯. and then charles RUNNING over to spray max 🥰🥰🥰 yeah that was good. that was real good 🌷🌷🌷🌷

i really did love this entire race weekend so much - this was my austria 22 i cant even lie. thats also why its ranked so highly, which, looking back, so fucking crazy‼️‼️‼️ we got so spoiled with lestappen content from qatar onwards that looking back this isnt even that much but believe me. to maple this was crack cocaine of the highest level 😁😁😁😁💞💓💕💓💓💘💘💖💞💞💓💗💝

✩ song of the race: puppy princess - hot freaks

erm hem.

[sabik-sphinx]

Ermm just another callout post

scroll past if you don’t want drama teehee

Callout on Amore_Torre aka Isnezzed a popular NSR/Overwatch artist well known for his Ramyatta artwork. Is accusing me of general abuse and animal abuse. Making this callout because he is practically dragging my name thru the mud and hurting my reputation. So I want clear up the accusations and explain his narcissistic behavior.

accusation #1 - I abuse animals including his rabbit

Just want to start out on the animal abuse accusation. Claiming that I abuse his rabbit and kick it for fun. Getting this out of the way, it is false, shocker. 

He gets irrationally angry if I even touch his rabbit. He would catch me doing this and physically attack me, and say shit like ‘how would you like it if i kicked your cat?’ or ‘i’m going to kill your cat!’. One instance he sprayed me with cleaning chemicals and my skin had a burning sensation for the rest of the day.

For context, he lets his rabbit roam around our house unsupervised. I’ve seen this rabbit hop onto my bed, which I find unsanitary. As well as my cats litterbox. It even used to hop onto the kitchen countertop and knock over the trashcan, yuck. which he doesn’t care if it gets into these things. I take it upon myself to keep the rabbit out of places it’s not supposed to be. I gently nudge it with a stick or rod. This does not hurt the animal at all. I guide it out of these areas, like the litterbox or my bed. You can’t just tell it to get out. Reason why he claims I kick it because sometimes when I don’t have an object to guide the rabbit, I use my feet.

Ironically, I was the one spending a good chunk of my day with this rabbit, teaching it tricks when we brought it home. Because it was in another room and wasn’t receiving attention from him. Also, accusing me of abusing animals when THIS is how he houses the rabbit now.

EDIT: this is another argument he uses to convince people that I abuse animals, is that I collect animal hides and skulls. While yes, I do collect these things, they're done ethically. Most of the skulls I have are natural finds or waste from hunters. The hides I just buy online. Sometimes I do hunt and process my own animals. God forbid, I know. Say what you want about hunting. As long as it's within the law and the kill is ethical, it is not animal abuse. I am against trophy hunting and poaching.

she’s even in the photo for proof lol. But yeah, guess i’m the one who’s abusing animals...

Note: the rabbit isn’t spayed nor does he plan to spay her. He wants to buy another rabbit to breed with his, HELLLL NO. I got kicked from his lil friend group when he brought this up. I told him ‘no more animals’. Bro already abandoned 2 dogs and a cat because he got bored of them after a year. Not to mention his previous dog was sent to a rescue for animal neglect.

Accusation #2- I physically and verbally abuse him.

Uno reverse on this accusation as well. I only hit him if he throws the first punch, I go by eye for an eye. lol anyways, he would start physical fights with me over minor inconveniences, like me being in the kitchen for too long or taking too long in the bathroom. He is physically weak so I hit him back and tell him to knock it off. This works for getting him to stop attacking me. He’ll go back to his room, cry to his friends, and tell them that I abused him. Average child behavior. he’s an adult 

That is how this rumor started.

On verbal abuse, i don’t know how this one came to be since I haven’t spoken or texted him in months aside from a couple short sentences here and there. Yeah Uno reverse on this too, he’s been EXTREMLY verbally abusive towards me. Whenever he sees me he calls me a ‘nasty bitch’ or ‘retarded’ etc etc. And it’s every. single day. Again, I don’t speak to him in person. Although I used to stream on discord and he would come in when no-one else is there and say shit like ‘nobody in the server likes you or wants you there’ ‘you’re an animal abuser and everybody knows it!’. Very passive aggressive in real life as well.

Generic spamming me in DM’s. I have nothing to add here.

Again flooding my DM’s. For context, I don’t have him blocked on discord because he’s not able to use his phone anymore so discord is the only communication he has with me incase of an emergency. 

‘and you weren’t banned from the server you left on your own they already told me, so why you gotta be mad bout it’ OKay, I left one server because he was abusing his mod power on me. (Average discord mod) And the admin didn’t give a shit. BUT I was banned from another server he was in. And i’m not mad about it.

‘stop dragging people into drama’ This is the only time i’m bringing this up. How tf am I supposed to stay silent when there’s a smear campaign against me.

He posted this yesterday for sympathy for i’m going to break it down. He’s the type of person who likes to play victim for everything. Like I stated before, he starts a fight, you hit him back, you’re the abuser, he’s the victim. 

I can explain the ‘low blood sugar moment’ because I was there, wow. It was 4am and everyone’s trying to sleep, he starts complaining that he has low blood sugar and didn’t grab anything while he was in the kitchen. He woke my mother up and begged her to give him something to eat, she refused and told him to get food himself since his room is right outside the kitchen. And so, he started complaining that we didn’t care if he died and whatnot.

‘they want to get rid of me’ He’s insufferable to be around. Honestly, you could just breath and he would call you names. tho i wouldn’t breath around him since he only ever showers once a month.

‘my rabbit being harmed, being physically hurt’ already went over this so I have nothing to add here.

‘fam knows my socials’ No they don’t, only I do. He got upset when he found out our mother made a twitter account because she finds the memes on there to be funnier than facebook. He complained to her that she only made an account to ‘stalk him’. He begged that she’d give him her account name so he can block her. Of course, she refused. So now he thinks his family is stalking him lol

That’s my side of the story since he went around to all his friends who also used to friends with me to mass unfollow and accuse me of doing all these horrible things. No one questioned him and just went along with it. ‘A narcissist will show you who your true friends are’, and clearly these people were not my friends.

the rest is for sympathy. 

I also want to add one more thing. He received 3 gifts during Christmas. 2 sweatpants and a hoodie from his mother. I received one more gift than he did. He got extremely upset by this, that he returned both sweatpants to his mother and remained in his room for the rest of the holiday. Just a couple days ago he took the hoodie mother gifted him and tore it up in front of her and threw it in the trash. I don’t know what prompted this or why he did it, but it goes to show how ungrateful he truly is. 

That is all i’m going to put. There is much much more like him stalking minor for 4 years- that I won’t write down otherwise this would end up being a novel. I’ll save that for another day, who knows.

[haysprite]

apparently in the description of the legion comic issue 4. it says that Susie had a crush, and I am hoping that it's not one of the legion members (espically Julie or Frank). (if Julie ends up being that crush I will be very upset and a little happy at the same time because I relate to Susie a lot and I view her to be a sapphic so seeing her canonically be a sapphic makes me very happy but if her crush ends up being Julie it'll make me very upset because I never liked "the gay person has a crush on their best friend but it's clearly obvious that it's one-sided" because it reminds me of the time I had a crush on my best friend and it was so painfully to me that those feelings I had for her will never be returned the same way I liked her so seeing a character who brings me lots of comfort going through something similar to what I went through makes me sad) (if Frank ends up being her crush then I will be very disappointed because I don't like the idea of it and I view them to have a sibling like relationship so yeah). i highly dought her crush is joey because there was nothing that implied Susie and joey hang out together (you know without Frank and Julie) unless we get to see the two interact with each other alone but overall i just hope it's a new character we get to see in the comics because that would sound way more interesting.

(i'm so sorry that this is very long)

I'm gonna be so fr with you Anon, the description has me lowkey nervous as hell for her issue fdsljljkfds. I'm sure it'll be fine, but hmggmdslkj there are soooo many ways it could go south tbh, they just have to play with the idea in interesting and creative way ig.

From the way I'm reading it, I have a suspicion that it will be on somebody within the Legion? Just from the way its written n everything, but obviously they could still surprise me here. I'm gonna guess Joey probs (which I personally wouldn't mind since I enjoy the ship, I HC her as biromantic), since for all we know they could expand upon their relationship a LOT within the comic! They did cause some trouble together in Julie's Tome as well (causing those car accidents together n shit), so who knows! We still don't know as much about them as Frank and Julie, so I don't wanna assume anything quite yet, so for all we know they could be really close considering they most likely knew each other pre-Frank. Also they'd defo be/get close if they're both in The Legion together. Julie would be interesting as well if they play their cards right, but it'd defo end in a one-sided crush since Julie's with Frank, and I just don't think it'd fit well within their story. I personally HC that Susie had a small crush on her growing up, but it never led to anything (obv) and fizzled after a while, which Susie never really minded. (I personally enjoy stories like this, since it does remind me of myself and my relationships a lot, so it'd be nice to see something positive in this regard ig? idk if that makes sense but jlfdsldjk yeah). If it turns out to be Frank, I will be putting my copy down, drive over to my work, and lay down on a rollercoaster track /neg (/nsrs),,, I highly doubt it'll be him tho cause nahhh lame :o) I also HC them to have a sibling like relationship, as well as the fact that it'd be weird considering her BEST FRIEND is literally dating him kjlfdsjlkfdsjlkfds IDKKKK,,,

What I'm most curious about, though, is whether or not it'll be Pre or Post Fog? Considering its mentioning a first kill, I'm assuming Post Fog, since their first kill was the janitor (unless they retcon this, which I'm PRAYING they don't, which I'll discuss another time). So this could very well lean into a Survivor being involved or somethin, which I'm also not really keen on, since idklkjfdskjfds I'm just not a big fan of the idea of Killers falling in love with Survivors and vice versa, its just not for me. Somewhat befriending in an obscure way, sure, but not anything more than that. So unless this happens Pre Fog, which I wouldn't mind whatsoever, I'm just leaning towards Joey at this point, since I fee like he'd probably be the best choice here.

ALSO I'm curious if we'll get any like, sexuality confirmations as well??? Idk cause they could VERY much so hint at something, or even outright confirm it, which I'll v much stick to canon in this regard since I 100% respect confirmed shit like this! I personally think they're all Bi (shhhh I'm mpsec myself, let me have this) , but who knowsssss :3

IDK at this point I don't wanna assume anything, I'll just wait and see what happens! I'm sure we'll probably be able to figure it out as each Issue comes out as well, since they could easily build something up on the sides! I'm just excited to see where these comics take these characters, since honestly after reading all the descriptions, I'm a lot more excited and intrigued to see what they'll do! Joey's esp, since holy shit that has me PONDERING, I'm so fuckin curious to learn more about him <3 Also Julie comic <3333 I will 100% be reviewing all of them (with spoiler warnings, dw, I'm not an asshole), but not until I've reread them a few times so I can fully gather my thoughts! I'll post live reactions on Twitter, but I'll save my "deep thoughts" n shit for after I've fully thought it through! I'm gonna become the most annoying mf around when these drop istg

(Also don't ever apologize for long asks lol, I love readin em and it gives me things to think about giggle)

[1-deadgirlwalking-1]

11/3/2024

MY SCHOOL KEEPS HAVING EVENTS TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM BUT IT’S ALWAYS EVERY SINGLE TIME AT THE EXACT SAME AQUARIUM THAT IS 3 HOURS AWAY, I WANNA GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!1!!1! PICK A DIFFERENT ONE THAT IS CLOSER TO ME FOR ONCE, THERE ARE A DOZEN AQUARIUMS IN OUR STATE. GOSH. I CANNOT DRIVE SIX HOURS FOR A SINGLE DAY ONE EVENT TRIP!!!!!! let me see the FISHIES !!!!!!

but anyway, as a recap:

The friend I said blocked me because I scared him away had actually done so because he got with an abusive girl who forced him to block literally everyone, including MY MOM. MY MOTHER. After he broke up with her he unblocked me and explained the situation and now we’re back to being #besties forever again. I got in a QPR with the friend who’s play I went to and then we “broke up” (I said I wasn’t comfortable with dating anymore and expressed that I didn’t want it to change our relationship, which they said it wouldn’t. Real SHOCKER that didn’t happen. Though I don’t believe they are “in the wrong” for this, they can’t control their feelings.) and now we aren’t talking much anymore. BUT I’ve been texting this SUPER cool person I met a year ago and got to speak to again at their joint birthday party. They’re so awesome and I wanna be bestest friends but it’s difficult cause they live so far awayyyy. ):

And now currently:

I’m tired. I’ve gotten better, I’ve improved in the past few months. I’ve improved significantly even from the days when I was talking about how I’ve gotten so much better. I am constantly consistently improving whether or not I’m able to notice it at the time. I know this logically. But right now I’m in a depression. I had a manic episode a minute ago and now I am quite depressed. My sleep is whack, my eating is just as bad, my hygiene is getting worse. There was a point a little bit ago where I was consistently sleeping well and brushing my teeth daily, which was insane bcus I didn’t even think that was possible. But because I always let my bipolar get the best of me and refuse to medicate I’m back to the habits I’ve always had.

To show how I’ve felt, because I’m too tired to articulate it all over again, here’s a copy-paste of some messages I sent to my best friend on 10/22, 13 days ago:

“this morning mama made me come into her room to work on my schoolwork while i was tired and annoyed, cause i have two late assignments, and it made me wanna get worse to like “punish” her or something. (edgy.) like oh im not doing good enough? im not doing as well as i was earlier in the year? im doing everything wrong and you need to supervise me to make sure im actually working when i want to sleep because im tired and dont want to be alive? well what if i starved and starting hurting myself again fucking god just let me sleep i dont want to exist but i have to get up and get on my stupid eye bleeding computer because mama isnt “doing this with me anymore” and says i cant sleep all day and stay up all night and i need to get all of my schoolwork done every day. which i logically understand is because she cares about me and wants me to listen to her and doesnt want me to spiral and get in a terrible place but i feel like what is even the point.”

“why do i do anything whats the point of being alive i hate doing anything and everything except being with my friends and thats barely something i get to do. i just want to sleep forever nothing makes me really actually happy or content anymore. why am i even alive. im really depressed right now if you csnt tell i think im habing an episode”

“manic goes straight to depression sigh”

“i hate being bipolar im gonna fucking kill myself” (/nsrs)

I was improving about this mentally, feeling better again. But me and my mom had another chat about my parents possibly getting divorced, which is something we’ve had discussions about for a while. Just me and her. And I have known in my heart, that despite what she says; My father will most likely not get better or improve and she will divorce him one day, I just don’t know when that day is. And I’ve been content with that because I know if it did happen a lot would change but it would be for the best, and all I want is for my parents to be the happiest they can be, living the best lives they can. If my mother were to make that decision it’d be because it was the only choice to protect her safety health and wellbeing, she would never do something like that lightly. But when we were talking she said if they got divorced they’d have to sell the house and we’d most likely move into an apartment, which made me start crying because I wasn’t aware of that. I’d never thought of that. That they wouldn’t be able to afford it anymore.

And now because of that, I’m currently feeling like. What’s the point of anything. Why do I even exist. Why do I do the things that make me happy if I’m just going to lose it all tomorrow. What will I even have by then. I’m going to lose everything, I’m going to lose my parents marriage and my house and my entire livelihood. There’ll be no chance for me at that point, the only reason I’ve been improving is because I’ve been here in a safe comfortable place. The whole ordeal is going to ruin me. And it’s going to be all my fault because everything is always my fault.

I’m so tired. I just want. To sleep. It’s 1:03 AM. So I will.

[douhavesomethingagainstdogs]

i have this bad habit of saying "i'm going to kill myself"(/nsrs) out loud whenever something inconveniences me in a minor way and i'm trying to stop doing it. however what happened is that now i catch myself halfway so instead i've just been saying "i'm going to kill" and that feels like a better thing for my mental health honestly

[midnighteloquence]

watashi wa jisatsu shitaidesu

ignore whatever that means its a /nsrs

anyways! lets talk about why i no longer like friend d!

so im gonna split this rant into TWO PARTS!

Part A: things ive noticed myself/seen first hand

okay number one! they said that theyre diagnosed with bipolar, which THEY ARENT. first off, diagnosis are expensive asf no matter what youre trying to diagnose and im not being mean at all but just saying theyre on the free lunches plan soo, two diagnosis takes agessss and they just so happen to suddenly have one??

number two, theyll shit talk like everyone. i only started noticing recently that most of what comes out of their mouth is shit talk. and its fine if you have a lot to say about shitty people but then you immediately talk to them again as if you didnt just say you want to curb stomp them?? it gets confusing and ngl is really bitchy

number three! milked tf out of the fact that one of their friends said they might be autistic. which no. autism isnt something you should milk for attention!! and like the only symptoms they have are the depressive ones which USUALLY should lead you to believe that maybe you just have depression? idk im not a psychologist

on that note, they want to be a psychologist, yet doesnt understand why people act the way they do (like theyll shittalk people for things they cant fucking control) and also has rheir own problems? this would most likely be even more self destructive right? to have to solve others mental health before your own? idk im just thinking

also also they seem to care more about getting into relationships (AT THE AGE THEYRE AT) than grades which uh. yes i am literally on my knees yearning for a relationship but also at least im actually doing school and excelling academically ✌️

plus dont you gotta do good at school to be a psychologist?? thats like a really hard subject

Part B: things ive been told

this part is where it gets more blurry, since some isnt backed up (but most is dw!)

they dated C two years ago and used to do freaky shi to them at the back of the bus (make out, cuddle, touch thighs, etc), which a friend of ours i’ll call F saw first hand! um ew.

they trauma dumped on C first things first which uh

C and F would sit with each other a lot and talk alotttt because theyre both neurodivergent and nd people tend to go well and D got all pissy and like “me when my friends leave me out..” and so to shut them up (shut me up? by msi?) F told them that they might be autistic and they started milking tf out of it

told a bunch of people that C sa’d them which C did not! also told F that C’s sa story was fake and that C mentally and physically abused them (there are screenshot proof of D saying this btw!)

told people that im not autistic and that im faking it because im self diagnosed which THEY LITERALLY ARE + IVE DONE COUNTLESS HOURS OF RESEARCH ON AUTISM LEAVE ME ALONE

something ive noticed but isnt it weird that all their relationships lasted only a couple months? kinda says something

would manipulate people into taking their side by saying “oh dw its my fault not theirs!”

on that note their recent partner broke up with them AND GAVE A WHOLE ASS GOOGLE DOC ABOUT WHY WITH AMAZING EXPLANATIONS + SAYS A THOUSAND TIMES THAT IT ISNT THEIR FAULT, but C twisted it to make them the bad guy which tf he has the best moral compass of everyone ik stfu

jokes alot about substance abuse (which they do btw) but it just gets like “what am i supposed to say?”

ON THAT NOTE OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY they texted F that they tried killing themselves and F responded with an “oh” because tf are rhey supposed to say to that?? (F told me that they were literally crying when they saw that)

was a terrible friend to F, F noticed and cut off ties (good for them!! They have so much courage because i could legit never i love them for that 💪💪) and then they proceeded to send a lengthy apology which was all bs btw!

ive been told that they faked their trauma, substance abuse, and their eating disorders, but tbh im not sure if that’s true or not (considering ive seen texts theyve gotten from their mum about eating)

minor but they say theyre goth but dont even listen to the music which is the whole point! and also doesnt follow the political opinions of goth!

(did the same with punk, btw!)

not sure if true or if C said this to save their own ass but apparently D got C to shit talk me (i talked about in an earlier rant) which errr…

Secret Part C: small details

this section is in bullet points!

insulted F “jokingly” to the point they had huge gender dysphoria

thought F had a crush on their bf (at the time) when F’s literally a lesbian

not only a pathological liar but a inconsistent one!

okay this is kinda hypocritical but they follow sh blogs that show cvts

+ says the cuts are cute (which is something i dont do. i actually dont even follow them but from time to time i’ll scroll through and want to vomit /nav)

literally gave me a step by step tutorial on how to purge

not lying!

complained about their bf not kissing them in public (which is something you talk to your bf about not me! + boundaries fucking exist?)

very minor but alot of the stuff they like its mostly because it got popular on tt

will say shit like “ive only been catcalled like three times in this outfit!” which no ew + gave me a massive insecurity that im not pretty enough! choose your words wisely!

so to sum it all up theyre a terrible human being and im glad i dont talk to them anymore! thanks for reading this lengthy post!