#WHAAATTTT? WHO SAID THAT?

[quinklequonkle]

Watch him carefully now, He WILL touch you inappropriately

[gillionstits]

i habe.something horrible to say about this mans boobies.

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS. FREDDY D IS ROLLIN' IN FOR FRED DURST FRIDAY!

[allpromarlo]

ravens 9-3 life is good

[lovehypegirl]

・:〃➜ on god? platonic!childe x f!reader modern!au

You and childe settled into your bed late after school post project

He sat on the wall side of your bed and you sat by your nightstand with the fan pointing toward you hair to dry it quicker so you could do your heatless curls

In between you legs and childe's sat your computer where Legally Blonde played

A candy bowl sat on your lap since childe had his big back activities trying to eat all the candy in one go - so naturally you had to confiscate it

"I still don't get why you find Emmett attractive" the ginger commented as he tried to make a sneaky reach for the candy bowl

You slapped his hand away "I don't wanna hear your opinion bitch. You look like one of them motherfuckers from the lucky charms box"

"LUCKY CHARMS-" Childe whipped his head to you dramatically "I'll have you know that there are LOTS of people in this world who find gingers attractive"

"Yeah who?" you asked as the scene switched to Emmett driving Elle in his car "The voices in your head?"

"Says the girl who listened to boyfriend ASMR for three years straight" Childe bit back as you fed him a gummy worm "Ew bitch I hate this flavor"

"Just swallow the damn thing" you said as he twisted his face up in disgust "Oh Jesus Christ it can't be that bad"

"It issss" he whined

"Cry baby" you playfully nudged his head and his slammed it onto your shoulder

"Ow bitch! What was that for?" you yanked his hair

He let out an annoying little giggle as he took the opportunity to steal another piece of candy

"Man you're all over the place today" you guided his head onto your shoulder again as the movie continued to play

"What actors do you like?" he randomly asked after a while

"Miles Teller and Gregory Peck"

He paused and sat back up "Okay I get Miles Teller but GREGORY PECK??!! Girl bye"

"Whaaatttt? He's so beautiful though" you narrowed your eyes at him

"He's dead" Childe deadpanned

"Man you just don't get it now do you" you closed the computer when the movie ended and got out of bed

Childe followed you as you grabbed your silk curling rod and silk scrunchies

"Can you get my bonnet from my dresser?" you asked Childe

"Sure" he grabbed the pink silk bonnet and followed you into the kitchen

"Alexa play Chill House Music Mix"

"Playing Chill House Music Mix" the AI responded

Plisplaat by Bonkers began to play and Childe pulled up the curtains to let the sunset in as you pulled your hair into the heatless curlers and shoved your bonnet onto your hair

"Y'know...I've known you since what....kindergarten? And how could I never know you were into dead guys"

You tossed a box of strawberries and a bag of grapes onto the counter "I'm not into dead guy, but I think he's attractive" you shrugged as Childe got the sugar down from the top shelf of the pantry

"Okay but like...he's dead"

"Man, how many times are you gonna say that?" you washed the fruit and cut of the strawberry tops

Childe began to stab the fruit onto the skewers "Well I mean he is attractive...I guess...wait-" he slowly turned to you

"What?" you added the water and sugar together and put it over a medium flame

"Is that why you were acting up in freshman year of high school when we watched To Kill A Mockingbird? 'Cause you were tweaking whenever we watched it"

"Yo I wasn't tweaking" you shot back, kicking his leg as the water-sugar mix came to a boil

You and Childe took turns dipping the fruits into the sugar mix and placing them in cold water

"Please bitch you were. Oh and remember that time we went to Texas?"

"Why'd we go there anyways?" you replied as you got started on another skewer

"Girl i dunno but you met this guy at a rodeo what was his name...."

"Dallas somethin'-with-an-H"

"Dallas Hayes! Anyways, you were drooling over this guy like serious work"

"Who wouldn't drool over a guy who's 6'4", blonde, sun-tanned, built as FUCK, and a gentleman?" you raised your eyebrows

"He had his shirt off like all the time"

"Bitch please. No he didn't"

"Whatever, you went home going on and on about how hot cowboys were"

"Yo i'm tellin' you somethin' about them is just to UGH"

"Yeah no"

"See that's your issue you're so damn negative" you replied as you placed the finished tanghulu on a plate and made a new batch

"And don't even get me started on your whole Nightwing obsession"

"Man I ain't having this argument with you"

"It ain't an argument, bighead"

"Yeah it's verbal beration"

"Lookit you usin' your big girl vocabular-"

SMACK

"Watch it ginger"

© 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀𝙃𝙔𝙋𝙀𝙂𝙄𝙍𝙇 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰 | modification and translation of my works on any platforms are strictly prohibited

[syneilesis]

I'm nearly finished with this smutty Sueharu fic (5.6k words whaaatttt), just heavy editing and revisions left lol. I think I can post it this Sunday?

That said, because I was somewhat unhinged in the course of writing this fic and some of you had witnessed it, I was wondering if any of you is interested in getting tagged for this particular fic? I know a few who are playing ikegen, and then Sueharu's route is a recent addition to the game (and I can't guarantee the IC-ness of his characterization lol; I stopped playing for a week); I'm not sure if many would read it lol. I don't mind, I just want to write Sueharu horny fic 😂

But if anyone's interested, just interact with this post! I'll tag anyone who would 🫡

[swansferatu]

my malewives WHAT WHO SAID THAT WHAAATTTT EHAT WHAATTBWHAT WHO SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

[assholeinahat]

I want him

Whaaatttt who said that??? 😮😮😮

"You know you're better than this -"

[elwritingx]

Dream x reader where ppl hear reader laughing and he maybe introduces her only for people to recognize her from YouTube

Hi guys! I am back with another Dream x Reader! This was fun to write and i honestly pictured him going all 😳. Hope you guys enjoy and show some love! Requests are highly appreciated. ☺️

y/n/n = your nickname

y/yt/n = your youtube name

Accidents Happen.

Dream was streaming GTA (no minecraft i know, surprised me too!) with Quackity, Karl, and BBH. You were laying on the small couch he has in his streaming room, strolling through your twitter timeline.

Twitter is a weird place. You either hate it or love it at times. You like a few posts people have tagged on, considering the fact that you are a youtuber with a small following, that is surely rising! Your newest video is to thank, as you played minecraft for the first time. ‘I guess people really do like me failing at this game.’ You said to yourself in a whisper as you keep receiving more notifications than you can keep up with.

You laugh at a funny, yet lame tweet you see and quickly shut up when you notice Clay turning around in his chair ‘Babe, they can hear youuuuu.’ You give him an apologetic look and say a quiet ‘Sorry love.’

His chat starts going crazy. ‘OMGGGGG DID YALL HEAR THAT?????’ ‘WHO LAUGHED’ ‘DREAM HAS A GIRL WITH HIM???? OMG COOTIES!!!!!’, were one of the many things his chat was quickly filled with. Clay nervously laughs as he tells his chat, ‘Guys, it’s cool, it’s just my girlfriend.’ And again, chat loses it. ‘BOY WHAT?!?!?’ ‘HE HAS A GIRL??? WITH THOSE SHOES?????’ ‘ayyyy get it 😳.’

He muted his mic as he once again turns to you. ‘So chat is losing their shit, do you think we should tell them?’ He asks you. You get up from the couch and walk towards him, ‘Sure! Only if you’re ready tho, I don’t want to pressure you or make you feel weird, Clay.’ He hugs your waist and pulls you into his lap. ‘Let’s do it.’ He says as he unmutes his mic.

‘Chat, I have someone to introduce you to.’ He says as he looks at you and smiles. ‘Um, hi everyone! My name is y/n/n!! I’m Clay’s girlfriend, it’s nice to meet you guys!!!’ You say as you notice chat going really quick, too quick for you to read anything properly.

A donation goes through that makes you and Dream tense up a bit. ‘WHAT YOURE y/yt/n!!!!! OMGGGG NO WAY!!!!!!! LSODKWODK.’ You turn to look at Dream with wide eyes. He quickly mutes once again and looks at you. ‘Shit, babe, how are you feeling?’ He says, looking for any signs of discomfort. ‘I didn’t think they’d figure it out so soon?’ You chuckle, trying to process what just happened. You unmute the mic and say ‘Aw damn, you guys found me, I guess I can no longer bully Dream with you guys on twitter.’ You say, trying to sound disappointed, only to earn a ‘WHAAATTTT!?!?!?!?!’ from your boyfriend.

‘Yikes okay chat bye!! I’m in trouble.’ You say as you laugh, trying to escape Clay’s hold on you. ‘NO NO NO WHAT DO YOU MEAN BULLY?????’ He does his iconic laugh and you can’t help but smile. ❤️

[kairoscelrosis]

ST: Into Darkness

So I watched into darkness after a really long time, and for the first time after watching ST: WOK. And I liveblogged it.

*spoilers* 

Jim's so disappointed that Enterprise got taken away from him. owo

Aahh Carol Marcus is British

Scotty has a moral compass (which I feel TOS Scotty does as well)

When Kirk learns that Spuhura are fighting, and then the lift opens and Spock's about to enter, he looks at both of them. It really gives me the vibes that he knows both his partners are angry at him 😂

Bones McCoy: a dictionary of metaphors

Yaayyy Sulu on the chairrrr

Whaaatttt???? Sulu references Mudd (Harry freaking Mudd) in the movieeee!!!!! (He says: Acting Captain Sulu to Shuttle Bay 2. Please have the trade ship we confiscated during the Mudd incident last month fueled and flight ready) !!!!!

"If you test me, you WILL fail."

The way Bones' expression changesss 😂

"Mr. Sulu, remind me to never piss you off."

"I am not the only one who is upset at you. The Captain is too." "No no no no don't drag me into this."

"She IS right" spirkkkkk

"Captain we will not fit" "We'll fit. WE'LL FITTT."

"I told you we'll fit." "I am not sure that qualifies." 🤣

Why do the Klingons look so different???

Why is Benedict's voice so deep? Like deeper than usual.

SPUHURA 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Tho i hate that a british dude played KHAN, you can't deny Benedict's Khan has charisma

Carol Marcus says "I am a friend of Christine Chapel's" like what??? JJ do you even know that Christine would never be engaged with Kirk in a romantic relationship??? That he's not her type??? 🤢

"Any idea what caused it?" "No sir. But I expect full responsibility." Aww my baby chekov 🥺

"Jim? You're gonna wanna see this." Ooohhhhhh

Okay... so wasn't this Khan a dictator as well? Or like, did the Eugenics war never happen in AOS? Did JJ do this so that Khan would be morally grey? Cuz he loves Benedict? IDK

"I'm sorry." Ohh Kirk my bby 🥺🥺

SCOTTYYYYYY HELL YEAHHH YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER *cries in jimmy doohan*

"Captain, I strongly object." "To what? I haven't said anything yet." Bitch you really think he doesn't sense your crazy ideas?

"'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.'" "An Arabic proverb attributed to a pronce who was betryed and decapitated by his own subjects." 🤣🤣

Grab at the shoulder and "I cannot allow you to do this." and an almost "Jim"

"The Enterprise and her crew need someone in that chair that knows what he's doing... and that's not me." You can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces in the background.

How Jim's about to cry during that dialogue 🥺🥺🥺

Is there like... a competition going on between Pine and Benedict Cumberbatch trying to decide who's eyes are bluer???? Because I can't see anybody winning

"Captain. You can't even guarantee the safety of your own crew." Ooohh I so wanna punch you in the face. ���

Aaaahhhhh TRIBBLLEEEEEEE

New Vulcaaaannn!!!! Our Spock's coming baaaackkkkkk yaaayyy

Aahh Sulu you are so talented

"This door is very wee. I mean, you know, small" 🤣

"It's gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, into your shot glass." "It's okay. I've done it before" Khan: 👀

"It's not easy. Just give me two seconds, all right, you mad bastard!" 😂😂

Bones, sitting down to watch the most scary movie of his life: Tell me this is gonna work.

Spock, shivering with fear in his seat: I have neither the information nor the confidence to do so, Doctor. 😂😂😂😂

Bones: 👀 👀 Boy, you're a real comfort.

Omg Sulu's so nervous and worried 🥺

I actually kinda DO like the transitions.

"You're big." 😂

"Spock, if I get back, we really need to talk about you bedside manner." Why is everyone so pbsessed with bedside manner in Star Trek😂😂

Scotty 😂😂😂 wheezing and panting, complaining he can't do it but he does 😂😂😂

Shitt the momentum!!! How would they have filmed that??? Rolling and rolling and rolling

LEONARDDD NIMOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Mr. Spock." "Mister Spock." Aaahhhhhhhhhh you both wanna kill meeeee 😂😂😂

He deserved that slap!!! GO CAROLL!!!!

"Where'd ya find this guy?" Ohh Scotty 😂

Spock!Prime really be like, "I can't tell you about it, but I am my own master, so I will. 😂

"Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous adversary the Ebeterprise ever faced. He is brilliant, ruthless, and he will not hesitate to kill every single one of you." *cries in Ricardo Montalban*

"Did you defeat him?" "At great cost. Yes." Aaaaahhhhhhh how would you know the great costt spocckkkkk😭😭

The sudden appearance of the man scared the shit outta mee😂😂

"Where's Khan?" AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JIM SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO SPOOCCKKKK

Yaayyyy "Damn it, man, I'm a doctor not a torpedo technician!" 😂😂

"This way." Whewww.

Aaahh he's awakeeeee.

Yesss that's my Jim Kirk. No killing. Yes.

Aahhhhhhhhh. Wtf why're you punching Jimmmmm

Aahh Carolll ahahhh

Omg wtfffffffff nooooooooo frickfrickfrickfrickfrickk that was baaaddd

"Oh, you are smart, Mr. Spock." I really do wanna punch you in the face.

I will repeat myself. Having said that a white dude playing Khan is irritating, Benedict really does play him well.

Aahhh the ploy is same like the one in ST: WOK!! This time, it is Spock playing the game!!!

"Vulcans do not lie." Spock lies.

"No ship shoild go down without her captain." *silent screaming*

OMG he's firinggggg

"He armed the damn torpedoes." Is that pride I hear, Kirk

"Not bad, Commander." "Thank you, Lieutenant." XDDDD

Smarty pants Spock XD

WTF is Uhura doing in the Med Bay???

"Good to see you, Jim."

"Spock's cold, but he's not that cold. I've got Khan's crew." Awww :))))

"Seventy two human popsicles, safe and sound in their cryo tubes" POPSICLES😂😂😂😂

"Son of a bitch!"

"I hope you don't get seasick." 😂

"I will remain behind and divert all power to life supprt and evacuation shuttle bays." 🥺🥺

Sulu: Shut up, BITCH.

"I order you to abandon this ship!" The voice his voice cracks 😭 Who says Spock doesn't feel????

"All due respect, Commander, but we're not going anywhere." YEAAHHHH SULUUUUU GOOOO

"One day I've been off this ship! One bloody day!" Same, Scotty, same.

Hah. Running on walls😂

CHEKOV MY HEROOOOOO

Smart baby Chekov exclaiming in Russian.

"The ship's dead sir. She's gone." 😭😭😭

"You're not making the climb" JIM NOOOOO OH GOD YOU SELF SACRIFICING IDIOT.

Jim coming back to belt Scotty into place 🥺

How's he gonna do that????

Aaahh that oit of the clouds shot justttt 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Sulu's so HAPPYYY uwu

"It's a miracle." "There are no such things." Wait till you get to know Spock.

"Sir, you'd better get down here. Better hurry." *traumatic WOK flashbacks*

"How's OUR ship?" "Out of danger."

"That's a nice move." Is Jim referring to Chess????? You really have the nerve to do that???

"It is what you would have done." "And this, this is what you would have done." *TOS 😭😭😭😭*

"It was only logical."

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be."😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I do not know. Right now I am failing." 😭😭😭

"Because you are my friend."😭😭😭

That Vulcan kisssssss 😭😭😭😭😭

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JIMMMM

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Why tf is everyone wearing those weird goggles???

I don't like Zoe Saldana as Uhura AT ALL.

The way Zach's bangs are flying😂

BONEESSSSSS 😭😭😭

Yeaah yeah yeah yeah yeah that tribbleeee

How tf did spock jump that high???

Why doesn't he like nerve pinch him???

Why can't they use the blood of the man in the cryo???? They have the same blood right???

"You get that son of a bitch back on board right now!"

Ohnonononono he's tryna crush Spock's skull.

Shit Spock why so angry NOOOOOO

Yeah Spock stops when he hears the name 'Kirk'.

"You were barely dead." 😂

"Tell me, are you feeling homicidal? Pwer mad? Despotic?"

"Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know." Ohh bones😆😆

Spock called Kirk JIMMMMMMMMMMM

But, like, why didn't they kill Khan off??? He can be awakened again, can't he??? Like????

I love their formal uniforms!!!

Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my introooooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺

"C'mon Bones, it's gonna be fun."

"Five years in space. God help me." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The fond look Spock has on his faceeeee

And on Jim's face toooooo

"I defer to your good judgement, Captain." 🥺🥺🥺

[does-it-need-saying]

His Favorite Adventure

~/Who said you’re not important? I’ve travelled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn’t even imagine, but you two? Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that.\~

“Doctor, come on!”

Rose waited outside the pub, trying and failing to hail a taxi. She could fend off malicious aliens and save entire universes from certain destruction, but apparently being able to catch a single bloody cab on her own was not in her repertoire of skills. What made it so much worse was that the Doctor never seemed to have any trouble with it, and the smug git sure did like to rub it in her face. She supposed that was why he had been so insistent she head out first.

“Doctor!” she shouted again, stepping away from the curb knowing he could hear her through the mostly empty street. He said he would be out in a mo, said he was just going to give a last quick goodbye to Jake and Olivia and Ava and Liam and the rest, said he’d be right behind her. Why she believed him she’ll never know. At least his coat was keeping her a bit warm, but still. Wearing a rather short dress and heels in the cold and just being completely knackered wasn’t exactly Rose’s definition of a good time.

Then, just as she was about to walk back in for him (more than content to drag him out by his ear), the Doctor finally came stumbling out.

“Roooose! Sorry, ‘m here. Ready for that cab, then? See you’ve had the same luck as always,” he smiled at her, giddier than usual and swaying just the tiniest bit.

Rose simply stood there, eyeing him up and down as an amused expression grew over her face. “Now how in the hell did you manage to get completely pissed in the ten minutes since I stepped outta there?”

“Whaaatttt? Noooooo,” he tried defending himself, but apparently couldn’t even convince his own intoxicated mind of that fact. “Well… maybe just a little, just a bit, just a tad. But it’s no’ my fault, I promise! I told ‘em- I did!- that I was not interested ‘cause… well ya know,” he said gesturing to Rose, “but they just bullied me right into it!”

Rose chuckled. “Ohhh yes, The Oncoming Storm in all his glory, susceptible to a bit of peer pressure from a handful of innocent humans.”

“Says the Rose Tyler, defender of the universe, who can’t even hail us a simple cab. I mean really, love, it’s not that hard,” he rebutted, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist with a devilish grin.

“Speaking of which,” she managed, trying not to think about how damn sexy he looked with that messed up hair and rolled up sleeves and his tongue just poking out touching the top of his lip… she blinked, snapping herself out of it. “Er- I think it’s about time you got us one. Bit chilly out here, and I sure would love to get home before Jake runs out to force another shot of,“ she paused to take a quick sniff of his breath, “tequila on your poor, poor soul.”

“Oi! No sniffing, you!” he covered his mouth and not so gracefully backed away.

“So is that a no on the taxi, then?” Rose tried again, but the Doctor - that handsome git- clearly had no intention of cooperating. “Fuck, you are so bloody useless when you’re drunk!”

Rolling her eyes, Rose stepped back out to the curb shouting and waving her arm about. Finally, after watching her struggle for a minute, the Doctor gave that famous whistle of his which almost instantly stopped a taxi right in front of them. Rose sighed both in exasperation and relief. The Doctor smirked to himself, and then moved forward to open the door.

“After you, Dame Rose,” he held out his hand for her.

Any frustration she felt just a moment ago melted away and she smiled back at him. “Why thank you very much, Sir Doctor,” she took his hand and ducked into the car.

After telling the driver where they were headed, the Doctor followed her in and scooted up right next to her. He put his hand on her knee and started drawing not-so-innocent circles with his finger. Rose laughed to herself. He always did get a bit more handsy after he’d had a few and any other time she would gladly play along (even now it was taking all her will power not to just fall into him). But right now she really just wanted to get home and being thrown out of the cab taking them there was not going to help accomplish that. So instead, Rose rested her head against the crook of his neck and took his rather rowdy hand in hers.

“You’re not mad at me, then?” he smiled down at her.

“For what?”

“Ohhhh I don’t know… getting drunk when-”

“When your pregnant wife couldn’t do the same?” she finished for him, stifling a chuckle and yawn at the same time.

“Mmmm, yeah… that.”                                                                                              

“Course I’m not mad, you twat. Was actually surprised you made it for as long as you did with everyone else drinking like the world was ending. Actually, that’s not true, they all really put ‘em away back then… But just ‘cause I’m not allowed to have fun the next eight months doesn’t mean you should have to suffer, too.”

“Oh, but Rose Tyler, greatest being in the universe, love of my many lives, I won’t be suffering one bit. In fact it would be my absolute pleasure to stay properly sober for you!” he declared rather dramatically.

“You say as you’re the complete opposite of sober at this very moment, you realize?”

“Oi! That was only ‘cause o’ the peer pressure! Remember? But now that I learned their ways, no more of that trickery can they pull on me!”

“Is that so?” The Doctor could hear the mockery in her voice, and what he could have sworn was a quiet snigger from the driver.

“Mmm… well if I’m being honest- which remember now I always completely am with you-,” he took a deep breath as if to stall, “prob’ly not. But I’ve got another secret weapon on my side, don’tcha know.”

“And what, pray tell, would that be?” Rose asked, feigning intrigue.

“My complete and utter love and reverence for you, of course! I’ll tell ‘em, I will, ‘No! Because I’m supporting my incredible, wonderful, beautiful wife who I completely love and adore!’” Then, his voice getting a bit faster and an octave higher “…and if they still won’t leave me alone after that I’ll just give you a shout to save me.”

Rose snorted at him. “Oh no, you won’t! That’s cheating, that is. I’m putting down twenty quid right now you won’t make it a month!”

“Ohh Rose Tyler, how you wound me! But you are very, very wrong. You know how I know?”

“Mmm?”

“Because…” he gently took her chin in his hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. Then, removing the space between them until his lips were just brushing against hers, he whispered, “no need for even a drop of alcohol when I’m already intoxicated on you every moment of my life.”

Then the Doctor gave up his teasing and took her into a gentle but fiery kiss. A kiss neither of them wanted to end, but which their need for air forced them to.

“God, you can be such a cheeseball sometimes,” she quietly laughed at him, her heart racing slightly faster than before.

“And proud of it!” Rose was just about to give in to another kiss and anything that might follow (decency be damned!) when an unexpected yawn escaped her lips. “Tired, love?”

“Just a touch,” she admitted, but still couldn’t seem to pull herself away from him.

As much as he very much didn’t want to, the Doctor did manage to tear his face from hers, though. “Oh come on now plenty of time for that later, ya little minx” he straightened himself out, guiding her head back to his shoulder. He let his hand linger and began to stroke her hair soothingly.

“Oi! You’re the one who started it!” Rose argued, but still let him take care of her. She let out another yawn. “Still amazes me you can be so awake at an hour like this, though, pissed or not.”

The Doctor glanced down at his wrist to check the time only to discover his watch wasn’t working. He tried shaking it a bit, hoping that would somehow get it to work (blimey, just how drunk was he?), but of course it didn’t help. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Err,” Rose pulled out her phone to check. “Two o’clock.”

At her words, the Doctor’s drunken aura completely faded away. “Two in the morning?” he asked, as if not believing her.

“Yup, two on the dot. Somethin’ wrong with that?”

The Doctor just smiled. “No, nothin’ wrong with that at all.” He gave Rose a gentle kiss on the top of her head, and then continued, “Have I told you recently just how very much I love you? How much I love getting to be with you every day? How much I love our life together?”

“Oh not for a while now, think it’s been a good handful of hours since you last did. You’ve been slacking,” she teased.

“Well then, Rose Tyler,” oh how he did love saying her name, and how she loved hearing him say it, “better get to work. Not that thinking about all the things I love about you and being with you takes much effort, mind you. Although thinking of where to begin on the other hand… Oh, I know! I love your wonderfully brilliant mind, and how you make the absolutely most perfect grilled cheese in the world, and how you’re hair is just the most beautiful mess when you wake up every morning, and that you…”

The Doctor kept going on and on the rest of the drive, even after Rose had fallen asleep. He simply couldn’t help himself. He thought about how perfect these past three years had been. How honored he felt to be living this life with the woman he loved, who somehow loved him right back. How excited he was to begin this new chapter of their lives together. And just how incredibly lucky he was to be driving home. In a taxi. That they caught on a street corner. At two in the morning.

It was certainly the one adventure he preferred most of all.

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 4 Episode 2: Group B kicking it off... with a twist!! Guesses and Commentary

Hello my fellow Masked Singer guys and gals! It's that time of the week again (albeit I am a bit late, but let's go with it), time for Ana's Masked Singer recap woohoo! *insert fanfare here* This episode was such an insane one not gonna lie, Group B came in with a bang like wow... let's just get into it because it's a crazy episode in it of itself.

Firstly, I gotta point out the contestants of Group B, which this time were 6 unlike A and C which only have 5 contestants total.. and those 6 are (order from left to right, top row first then bottom row in the image below) Crocedile, Gremlin (the purple fluffy guy), Seahorse, Whatchamacallit (the blue and red hair cousin It thing), Baby Alien, and Serpent.

Alrighty so this elimination is gonna be a bit different than usual because it isn't the norm of what usually happens with these sorts of things (I'll tell you what I mean in a sec)...

So the first contestant unmasked for Group B actually wasn't eliminated (I know what you are thinking... "whaaatttt Anaaaaa that makes no sense")... but actually he unmasked himself (whatttt?! yeah you read that right, he legit was hot and suffocating and he seemed super over it and just took it off by himself... yup, that happened like what mind blown!

Anyways the mask who did this was...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE GREMLIN

Performance: He sang Stand by Me by Ben E. King and honestly it was meh, it was really breathy as if he forgot some of the words, I don’t know if he was overcome with emotion (because he dedicated it to his friend who passed away) or what, I felt kind of bad but I low key feel like he was going to go home regardless, but on the bright side I love the costume and it was a great song choice for his range. He has a very raspy voice... like almost like a smoker’s voice and I can kind of tell that he’s an older man, but I couldn’t recognize the singer. 

So the Gremlin ended up being revealed to be.... 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

MICKEY ROURKE 

Ugh this upsets me because I don’t know who he is so I really couldn’t guess him correctly. I searched it up and apparently he’s an actor and director and was in Iron Man 2, which I’ve never seen like ever. But yeah, he did good, he looked kinda drunk not gonna lie and I guess he was suffocated and got over it. 

Alright now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to my favorite part, the remaining 5 contestants: 

1. THE SEAHORSE

Performance: I really love Seahorse, she’s one of my favorites of the night and so far in the season in general. Her performance of Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World was amazing and I definitely knew who that voice is...

My guess and I am so sure about this guys is singer, songwriter, American Idol alum... 

TORI KELLY 

Dude like that voice is so recognizable... but also because of the clues: 

Emotion Ocean= she’s super emotional when it comes to songwriting, like she legit said in an interview that she cries a lot

Tea Party= she hosted tea parties with her fans in 2019 (well before all this ofc) 

Rainbow Frog= sang Rainbow Connection with Kermit the Frog 

Judges’ Guesses: 

Jenny: Halsey (say what now? This doesn’t sound like her... is Jenny ok? This episode she’s been messing up with guesses more than Ken... you’ll see what I mean) 

Nicole: Hailee Steinfeld (meh, that’s ok I guess, but not quite) 

Robin: Bebe Rexha (he was onto something when he said country but then he said this, but this is the closest guess of the 3)  

2. THE SERPENT 

Performance: This one is my other favorite of this group. His performance of “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers was absolutely stunning, I got chills! If it is who I think it is, I love him (partially because I think I know who it can be) 

I think the Serpent can be actor of the iconic Broadway sensation Hamilton aka Aaron Burr, Sir:

LESLIE ODOM JR. 

Dude like I feel pretty good about this guess because of the voice and the clues:

Map of the Caribbean= reference to the beginning of Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton is from

Jr. References= he’s a jr. 

Between medicine & music= he played a doctor on Murder on the Orient Express in 2017

Number 31118 (this was from the Sunday before the premiere but still worth noting)= 3 albums, 11 stage productions, 18 years on Broadway OR bible verse Romans 3:11-18 which was written by Paul, a character he played on Rent

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: John Legend (See what I’m saying? Jenny, what are you doing man? That is not John Legend, like they don’t sound alike at all) 

Ken: Daveed Diggs (Wow! Ken got it kinda close, I’m proud, that’s an achievement for him we gotta give it to him) 

Nicole: Leslie Odom Jr. (WOOOO!! Yesss Nicole!!) 👏🏼

3. THE CROCODILE 

Performance: I also really liked Crocodile and his performance of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi was great! I feel like I know who this is, and I am pretty familiar (well, more or less) with 90s and early 2000s boybands and this one is someone in that realm I am so sure of it... 

Ok so being more specific, I think it’s boybander from The Backstreet Boys: 

NICK CARTER 

The voice and the clues were a dead giveaway:

The Vegas vibes in the clue package= he performed in Vegas with Backstreet Boys 

Water clues (the water slide and happiest in water)= he was born in Orlando, FL home of the theme parks and FL is also some of the Gators so it would makes sense with the costume

Grew up in Hollywood= moved there when really young

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: John Hamm (and he’s back, that was a terrible guess)

Nicole: Nick Lachey (so close, but not quite)

Robin: Donnie Wahlberg (um, Jenny agreed, how does she not know that this ain’t your husband?!) 

4. THE WHATCHAMACALLIT

Performance:  His performance of “I Wish” by Skee-Lo was good, not my favorite, but I didn’t hate it. I am kind of feeling that it’s an athlete due to the height and also how he speaks. 

So this guess is an idea I got from the Internet (subject to change because I have no clue about sports players): 

Rashad Jennings?

The only thing I got from the clues was:

Dancing with Stars= he won DWTS 

Clues IDK

Orange Jelly= ?

The clock with the Bear Mask on the 5= ? 

Swinging Keys= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Nicole= Swiss Beats (meh idk) 

Ken: Damon Lillard (I like this guess, tbh.. I kinda agree with it being a sports player)

Robin: Tyler the Creator (that would be cool but I don’t think so) 

5. THE BABY ALIEN

Performance: His performance of Faith by George Micheals was good too, better than I expected for the costume ngl. I had pretty low expectations but I am pleasantly surprised. He isn’t my favorite by any means and I am also a bit stumped by him especially because of that fake Russian accent, but I am in between 2 people at the moment....

The 2 people I am in between are either Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham or actor 

JASON SEGEL 

It kinda sounds like him and the clues are a bit confusing but there’s one I understand too:

Tony Awards Reference= he’s been on Broadway 

The mask’s a puppet and Segel is a big fan of puppets (He was also in the Muppets movie) 

CLUES IDK 

Space clues= ?

Friends Reference (2nd Gear)= ?

Ferris Beuller references= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Ralph Macchio (meh I guess that’s good) 

Nicole: David Schwimmer (not bad, but idk it doesn’t really sound like it)

Ken: Freddie Prinze Jr. (ya, no) 

Alright so that’s it! I am so sorry for it being late, but better late than never... I’ve been pretty busy so hopefully this weekend I will have tonight’s episode recap up... THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WILL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ONE *blows kiss* byeeee! 

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 56

Tourmanager..come on, where was she? Could they get out of that huge van any slower? Sean..oh there she was, he hurried over to her “didn't you get my e-mail?” and gently grabbed her arm, “Ok Jay, you really need to stop?!” she yanked her arm free again and gave him a pair of big, rolling eyes before she walked inside with the rest. He had to catch up with her again “what is your problem?” he pushed her inside one of the first dressingrooms “my problem? Boy I'm glad I didn't say yes to marrying you!”. Jared was taken aback, his mouth forming a silent 'O', it hurt like a motherfucker “really?” his sad blues drilled into hers, melting her frozen heart “no..no of course not, I'm just..” she hesitated. “Maybe you shouldn't propose to me when I'm ovulating” she said with a deadpan expression on her face, defusing the situation instantly, a big smile formed on his face “what?”, the tension went right out of the door together with her seriousness “you heard me, yes I'm ovulating and yes I'm going completely bonkers and my hormones are all over the place and no you really shouldn't be asking me those type of questions that time of the month” she rolled her eyes dramatically but her heart was smiling again. Jared walked up to her “so, does that mean I can ask you all the other times of the month?” and stopped until they were toe to toe, his hands carefully looking for a spot to land on, “don't push your luck!” she mumbled when his hands ended up on her hips. “I know it's healthy to argue for a couple, but I don't want to fight anymore, I can't take it, I was this close to cancelling the show tonight” he scrunched up his nose, he just wanted to kiss her, “oh Jay, if you can't take arguing then you shouldn't be in a relationship, nobody can see eye to eye all the time” she ran her hands up and down over his muscular upper arms, he didn't say anything, he just smiled and kissed the hell out of her.

Sean had been hovering around that dressingroom for a while so as soon as she headed out of the room, he caught up with her “you know, we're one man, or woman, short tonight, d'you wanna come up?”. The fear in her eyes when she looked at him was unmistakeable, “I don't know..uhm..” she stammered, she hadn't forgotten that he was the reason she nearly plummeted to the ground because he'd rather have her dead than with Jared. What was she to do? She wanted to make herself useful and seeing a show from the top of the venue was so much cooler than just watching from the side of the stage “I'll think about it and let you know” she quickly mumbled as Jared appeared behind them. Sean quickly shrugged and nodded “fine yeah”, seeing Jared made him hurry back to the stage, “what did he want?” Jared's arm snuck around her waist, “he wants me to go up there, they're one light guy short and he wants me to do it”. Jared took a deep breath “I don't care what he wants, what do you want?” the voice of reason she liked so much was back, hallelujah, “I would love to do it, it's a great idea but..” she pushed her hands deep in her pockets and looked at her feet. “You want to do it, but not with him around” he finished her answer, this boyfriend of her's was one in a million, he sounded like he could solve every puzzle in her life, “Yeah” she covered the hand resting on her hip with hers “I guess I still don't trust him”. Jared threw his arms around her and kissed her softly “and you have every reason not to, so you'll go up there and I'll make sure he gets a job on the ground with the videowalls, how does that sound?” he breathed against her lips, “perfect!..thanks Jay” she sighed, god it felt good to feel that weight lifting from her shoulders. “You're welcome, I think it's really hot to have my future wife swinging in ropes above my head” he grinned and slapped her butt, “whaaatttt?” she raised her hands in despair as she walked away “you're a dirrrrty man, Leto” her hiccupping laughter curled around his heart “but hey, I like it”.

And one, two..the first deafening drums of 'Monolith', and the wall that was still closed lit up like a funky Christmas tree, yes...yesyesyes! High above the ground a shiver down her spine felt even more intense than down there, was it the first time she saw how truly beautiful and amazing this all was? Her work, the colours, the monolith that would slowly start to rise in a few seconds..ok focus now, don't get distracted by the thunderous roar of the crowd, she looked down greeted by a wave and a kiss that was blown up to her, he looked as ridiculous as gorgeous in that beautiful dark, richly embroidered, velvet cape. Giggling she watched him dissapear inside the cube..and with the lift of so much colourful weight the room exploded, from now on full focus on the show, which was damn hard to do if your lover was driving all the hungry, starstruck women down there crazy. Look at her, I could have been up there with her..a man can dream right that she would even be remotely interested in me, right? no don't go there again, she's with him now, do I like that? Hell no! But I guess I have to accept it, for now..they're not gonna last, of course not..this relationship had disaster written all over it, let them run their course and once that is done..BAM! Make sure you're on the scene with a big, masculine shoulder to cry on and Bob's your uncle! Just don't fuck it up like you did last time, be patient and everything will sort itself out. Mr. High-and-Mighty there on that stage won't be so high and mighty then, he won't know what hit him, me, her best friend since forever, will be the victor, not that pompous ass with his ridiculous outfits that had to cover up the fact that the music sucked big time.

”Jay, come on man..” Shannon gestured at his brother to keep up after the show but he only stared at the ceiling “just a minute” he mumbled watching her walk the narrow beam that would lead her down again.  Why did he always hold his breath until he watched her hands curl around the sides of the rope ladder? Why? Because it would be unbearable to see her tumble to the ground again, he would rather die than see that happen again, she was a part of him, if anything happened to her, it happened to him, simple as that. “Oumpfhh” she skipped the last few steps and just jumped down where she was greeted by Jared who threw his arms around her and kissed her damp forehead “whoooaa, don't! I'm sweaty” it was damn hot up there and she longed for a shower, ugh he was still sweaty too. “So? Maybe we can take a shower together?” he mumbled, in the corner of her eye she could see the crew make gagging gestures, “of course we can, you in your shower and me in mine, these dressing rooms aren't exactly private” she giggled and rolled her eyes. Jared seemed to come back to earth “fine, have it your way, but you're all mine later on” he groaned, “yo kids, come one, time to party” Shannon whistled and rolled his eyes.

“Hey..” Sean jumped in front of her as she stepped out of the bathroom, that shower had been amazing “told you you'd do great”, startled she pulled the towel a little tighter around her, what the hell happened to the promise that he wasn't even allowed around her?. “Sean, I really don't think this is the place or the time, how did you even get in here?” she quickly scanned the room, did I forget to lock that damn door? Whatever, he wasn't supposed to be in here, just try and act cool, whatever you do don't let him see your unease and fear, people like him thrived on it. “Everyone was waiting for you and they got a bit fed up so I told them to head on out and I'd wait for you”, what? And Jared left too? No that wasn't possible, he just wouldn't let that happen. Sean walked up to her, what the fuck, stay away “that's sweet, Sean..but if you don't mind I would really love to get some clothes on now” don't stammer, don't let him see you're getting really uncomfortable. “Hey honey, you still in the shower, got room for one more?” the door flew open and Jared grinning from ear to ear appeared, “what the..” he immediately stopped in his tracks and the grin instantly disappeared from his face. His eyes flew from Coco to Sean “Sean, could you give us a minute, please?” he scraped his throat, his voice sounded supercalm but she could feel a storm brewing, please don't let him take it out on me again, this is not my fault. “Uhh yeah, of course..” Sean just gave a little shrug and left the room , hands casually in his pockets like nothing had happened, when the door closed Harper exhaled deeply., trouble, yeah definitely trouble ahead.

For a few seconds all that could be heard was the faint buzzing of the lamps above their heads, his eyes seemed to grow darker “what the..?” his eyes scanned her semi-naked body up and down. “What the fuck was he doing in here? You're practically naked, I swear I'm about to lose my shit! Who let him in here?” he was practically fuming with anger. “I hope you're not even suggesting that I let him in, because I didn't! I just got out of the shower and there he was..” there was a tremble to her voice “now can I just get dressed?” she went bright red like she was embarrassed and on the verge of crying. “Hey” he slowly walked up to her trying to follow her eyes that avoided any form of contact while she reached for her clothes and stuffed her two arms in the same sleeve at once, that's how agitated she was. “Hey..wait..Harper? Coco? Look at me..come on look at me?” he grabbed her shoulders, the shirt thrown to the floor in frustration and anger, “I didn't initiate anything if that's what you're thinking Jared” the anger and dissapointment in her eyes was almost unbearable. “That's not what I'm saying, not at all! Do you hear me?” he kissed her forehead as she wiped the tears of frustation from her eyes, “I guess I don't, Jared, so what are you really saying? I'm so done with all this bickering and these accusations, I should have stayed at home, far far away from here!” she sniffed and rubbed her hands. “I'm not accusing you of anything, darling, really I'm not, I'm just shocked to waltz in here thinking to do delicious things to my girl under the shower, only to find that freak here talking to my half naked girlfriend. “I mean if it were the other way round, I bet you would freak out too” he made her sit down and put his arms around her, his chin resting on her head while it found the contact with his chest she so needed right now. “He said the rest of you were fed up waiting for me, and he wanted to check on me..it's like I'm causing trouble wherever I go, when all I want to do is paint, not being on tour chased by some lunatic who I used to think was a friend” she sighed, the slight touch of her lips brushing against the skin of his chest was intoxicating. “I want whatever you want, I just want you to be happy, I was just hoping you'd be happy here on tour with me” she felt his voice vibrate through his skin and she suddenly felt all warm and fuzzy, what was she saying? Of course she was happy “Listen, I'm happy, I'm happy wherever you are, and maybe I'm overreacting but somehow I just feel caged, a golden cage definitely but it's still a cage”. It was hard to hear her say that, “so, you want to go back to New York?” please say no, say no, change your mind and stay here with me, “of course I do” his heart plummethed right to his feet when he heard her say that “but not without you, so I'm staying right here with you and out of Sean's way”. Jared pulled back a little so she had to look up and he could let his lips crash down on hers “I love you, you know that?” he breathed against her lips, “I know, and I love you too, just start trusting me and stop being so insecure, it doesn't suit you” Harper folded her hands around his neck. “Point taken, now get dressed so we can go get a drink before I can rip them back off of you” he grinned, “ah, now we're talking, the promise of booze and sex, I like it” she jumped out of his arms, rushing to get her clothes on with a giggle.

[emmisays]

I’m Scared Stupid! (No, really...)

Hey you! 

It’s been a while since I’ve vomited some words on a page to you lot. And I happen to have my laptop open and a coffee in my hand and an hour to spare here in New York, so I thought I would tap something out to you. Prepare yourself. I’m feeling verbose…

Firstly, let me start with saying how grateful I am to you guys for all the love you’ve shown for ’Scared Stupid’. I’m really glad you’re feeling it! But before we move on to Chapter 4 (FRIDAY!) I wanted to share with you guys what inspired me to write it. Because while it absolutely is a tongue in cheek, neurotic little pop tune, underneath that is a very real and serious theme that’s quite personal to me. And I wanted to speak about a thing called anxiety and share my own story with you. I’ve been deliberating as to whether I should go there or not, but on the off chance that it might resonate with you or help you in some way or even just be of interest as we get to know each other, here goes…

I’ve been afraid of death since I first understood what it was. I’d think about it. Obsess about it even. I was constantly imagining horrible things happening as a child. My mum would be all of 10 minutes late to pick me up from a class and by the time she arrived I’d have already imagined at least three tragic reasons for the delay, played them out in my mind and attended both her funeral and my own. I’ve had a sense of pending doom for as long as I can remember. And for the longest time I just put that down to being a conscious human… aware of my own mortality and powerlessness in this life. But a few years ago I realised that wasn’t the whole truth. I, like so many of us, have anxiety. That feels strange to admit publicly even now.

See when I was a kid my parents worked for a missionary organisation that saw us living in the developing world for some time. And I’d say there is a healthy dose of adrenaline required when you are dropped off in a village on a mountain top next to an active volcano without knowing a word of that tribe’s language and told “see you next week”. I don’t remember being afraid. Mum and Dad made us feeling like everything we encountered was an exciting adventure, something to explore not fear. But any fear or ‘fight or flight’ hormones coursing through my veins (or indeed my parents) then would have, under the circumstances, be considered justified. We had some ttiimmmmesss....

The first instance of irrational fear probably started when I was around 8 years old. We were in Papua New Guinea and I asked my folks if I could go on a sleepover with my school friends at a dorm house at the local American mission school. They said yes. That night us girls went roller skating (yes, in line skates… and we still wore scrunchies because we were frozen in time over there!) had dinner and went to bed, only to be woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of sobbing and wailing. We went out to see what was happening and the teacher informed us that the father of one of the girls there, who had been held captive by militia for some time, had been assassinated. In that moment, stood amidst the shock and grief around me but perhaps not fully understanding it, I developed a fairly illogical (but understandable) idea I would hold onto for many many years to come: when you are away from your parents they die. I didn’t go on another sleepover until I left home at 16 years later. I would make myself sick to get out of school camps. The feeling was real. The thinking was not. 

A few years ago, now living in London and worlds away from that time, that feeling of pending doom I’d carried with me as a dull ache all my life started becoming more prominent. Quietly at first, as a knot in my stomach and then in a more noticeable way (shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, pounding heart). And I would feel that rush of adrenaline and be flummoxed because I’M ACTUALLY SAT IN A LOVELY CAFE IN SOHO! So what was there to be afraid of? I was confused and terrified by these very real physical symptoms that were suddenly presenting themselves in me with seemingly zero cause. And the more confused I became, the more mad at myself I got. This is ridiculous. Pull yourself together! You’re a smart person. There’s no sense to this!  And the madder I got with me, the worst more extreme the symptoms became...

I had my first anxiety attack at home in Oz with my family. Nobody knew what to do. Least of all me. My family knew me as a bit of a jittery character ...  but hyperventilating and publicly falling apart in a pizza joint was a new one on all of us. I was so embarrassed. I felt like I was losing my mind. But I shrugged it off the next day as a ‘one off’ thing and hoped that was the end of it.

Back in London, however, as the weeks passed and I started opting to stay indoors all day because of that heavy feeling in my stomach… and then the next…. and the next…  I knew things had gone from bad to worse. My relationships were suffering too. I wasn’t letting love in, because I had shut down, so I couldn’t have been giving much out either. Much like the videos I made for Scared Stupid, moments of joy or moments with my family and friends would pass me by because they would be immediately accompanied by a sense of foreboding. How will this go wrong? Not only was this thing stealing my own joy, but it was stealing the joy of the people around me too.

So I eventually decided to talk to someone. And I wanted to share my experience of how that went down because a) I want you guys to know me and b) what I was told in that time has helped me no end ever since, and I don’t want to keep that all to myself. 

Perhaps you are sitting there reading this now thinking you’d like to see someone but perhaps it feels ridiculous, or unnecessary, or maybe you just can’t afford it! (That was a struggle for me too) Or perhaps you’re sitting there and you know someone who suffers from anxiety. Well, whatever the case, I hope what I tell you now can be of some help to you, or if nothing else an education. 

When I started therapy it took five minutes to realise that there was a lot more than that pesky knot in my stomach to address here. A whole lot more. I unpacked the whole darn attic of my life and mind and realised I spent most of my life apologising for taking up the space I inhabit... among many other things. And in just a few sessions I was a changed me. (No… correction… I didn’t actually change at all. I was still the same me, but now I was conscious of myself and who I was and WHY and of the people in my life and who they were and why.) And I left with more love and forgiveness for everyone in my life and everyone I encountered because, yep!, you guessed it, I had more love and forgiveness for myself. Bingo!

Then came the day we spoke about my anxiety. I happened to be having a day of it and so she asked me to close my eyes and actually feel what I was feeling and sit with it. So I sat there and closed my eyes and just felt … and tears immediately rolled down my face in the silence. I’d never done that before. Really sat with it. Anxiety was always a war with me. Something I fought. Hard. Something violent. And I was surprised at how sad the feeling was. How tired and weak it felt in the silence now that I’d given it permission to exist. She asked me where I felt it and I pointed to my tummy. She asked me what it looked like and I told her it was a swirling green and yellow blob thing. She then asked me to draw it on a piece of paper. When I finished she said “Well that’s a kidney.” Makes sense I guess.  

(Geeky side note: green and yellow are two recurring colours Shakespeare uses  to describe anxiety or pining too.  “She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow melancholy, she sat like patience on a monument smiling at grief.” - Twelfth Night. Thus ends my geek aside…)

Then she asked me: “What would you like to say to your anxiety?” 

The fight came back in me immediately. I took a deep breath and said clearly and loudly... 

“Fuck off. Just fuck off.” 

“Why?” She asked. (I figured she was being the kidney thing so I went into improv mode. You can take the girl out of acting...) 

“Because you shouldn’t be here.” I said. “I’m a smart person. And you are ruining my life. And you have no point. And you need to fuck. right. off.” 

I opened one eye to catch the lady smiling at me in that all knowing way that counsellors do which is half annoying, half comforting like a parent. 

“So do you feel better now?” she asked.

“No. Worse.” 

“I know.” She said. “We can stop now.”

What she then told me both saddened me then saved me.

“You have anxiety. And you will always have anxiety.” 

WHAAATTTT?!? 

“But see the thing is this. Your anxiety is a good thing. It was there for you when you needed it. It was a survival defence. And as long as it made sense to you, you didn’t mind it sticking around. But now you don’t feel there is a point to it, you don’t want it. And that is totally understandable. But you have to learn to listen to it. Even if you think it is pointless. Even if you think it has nothing to say.” 

I’m a sucker for images and what she said next really hit things home for me. 

“See… anxiety is like a small child. A little kid who will come up to the table while you’re at dinner with friends, or in the bath… or at the most surprising of moments and just tug at you. “Mum! Mum!” It wants your attention. It’ll start as a whisper. Now if your first reaction to that tug is at a 10…  “FUCK OFF! GO AWAY!” and you ignore it, the child won’t understand. They’ll do one of two things. They will get louder and louder until you notice them and give them the attention they crave. “MUM! MUMMMMMM!” Or they will cry and make a scene. Maybe even have a tantrum. But the one thing they will not do is GO AWAY.” 

“Balls. So what do I do then?” I asked. “You listen.” She replied. 

“When that child tugs, you stop what you’re doing and say …oh hey… there you are again… what’s up?” And you spend some time with it and close your eyes and just see if they have something to say. You let them have their moment. Sometimes they will have nothing to say. (Much like kids coming to the table “What is it darling?” …”Ummmm…. I like kittens!” (they skip off into the distance).) They’re  just content to have had your attention. And they will eventually take a seat next to you quietly. Or get on with a jig saw puzzle or something. But sometimes they will have something to say. Something important that you may need to hear. And they may stay with you an hour or even a day, or even a few, and that’s ok. But you take the child’s hand and let it walk with you. And you listen. And let it be what it needs to. Because if you don’t, that child will grow and grow until it’s a giant next to you that you are looking up at and screaming at. No, it’s not going anywhere and that’s not in your control. But you can choose how it stays with you. Hold it’s hand. IT IS SMALLER THAN YOU.” 

For whatever reason that image helped everything. I stopped fighting and started listening. (By the way, I was never really yelling at my ‘anxiety’ ... I was yelling at myself, which was never going to work. Be careful how you speak to yourself. Negative company can be toxic, especially when it’s with you 24/7.) 

And I’ve been holding this child’s hand for a long time now. People close to me have also learned to hold it’s hand with me too, which has helped me no end and I am so grateful. Because when that kid turns up at a family dinner uninvited, or takes over my face while we’re watching a film…  it makes all the difference that someone might notice and say “Are you ok Em?” or just hug me without saying anything because they know. Or maybe we exchange a knowing smile that says “here we go again” ... the way you might if a naughty toddler cousin or your weird uncle started playing up. Cos’ you can’t choose your family. And you can’t choose anxiety either. But neither are going anywhere so you gotta get along right?

But above all... no-one asks WHY? anymore. No one asks me to stop feeling what I’m feeling. And I’m learning not to ask that of myself either. Anxiety is not the enemy. It’s just a part of me that makes me brilliantly sensitive and expressive and aware as much as it can be a negative sometimes. You can’t fix anyone. You can only ever be with them. 

That’s all I got. I have to get on with my day and this has become a blog of EPIC proportions!

But I wanted to share this with you because it helped me so much. And for all the fun videos of me ‘not enjoying myself’ in ball pits and on carousels and around kittens and puppies and cheese… underneath it all is a very real thing. That so many of us deal with. And I want to say, if this is you too I get it! And I hear you. And it’s ALWAYS good to talk about this stuff. And nothing is ever too silly.

I think we have to choose to feel the pain and the fear when it comes. And to sit with it a while. And give yourself time to cry on a bad day. And time to think. And talk it out. That way you stay open. So that when happiness does sneak up on you, or laughter, or love, or joy… you can really sit with those feelings too and really feel those highs and take pleasure in the moment and in the eyes of the people around you and stop time for a second. 

Enjoy that ice-cream and that puppy and that grumpy cat! (Actually… on second thoughts don’t worry about the cat. He was a bully.) But just feel it all. Because it’s a privilege to be alive and feeling anything at all. 

We’re all going to die. Most freeing fact there is! (And this is officially the worst end to a blog. Ever. In the history of blogs.)

EMMI “We’re all going to die.” 

You’re welcome. 

Happy Tuesday folks! Looking forward to seeing you guys on my live feed for more chats. I’ll hit you with a time ASAP.

Em

xxxx

FULL VIDEO OF SCARED STUPID NOW ONLINE: https://youtu.be/hfBYW28bEAU

[procrasti-nation-101]

Random: Short Story Edition

Starting another one, wow, ok.

Setting: Subway

people: 3 (4); two "bodyguards," a homeless looking man(??), and Laura(?)

Oh heck to da no a little girl is involved. On a subway? and only three people? FUCK DAT SHIT, and another person. If he moves closer you move further away, tf you thinking LAURA! Damn those- OH SHIT THEY (he?) GRABBED HER. THE MUSIC ISN'T HELPING, cut that shit out. duuuuddee, he's doctor for dead bodies(whoops wasn't paying attention) and he said she ain't alive! THE LITTLE GIRL WAS WHAT?! TF IS THIS SHIT, great I'm never going on a subway.

Second story, greeeeaaaattt. UMM BISH AGAIN- YES, THANK YOU, RUN. GAWD DAMN IT MY FUCKING HEART...STAAAAAHHHHPPPP. This is when I would accept death, because oh idk, some random fucking person joining in a game that’s based off of the dark and flashlights, fuck that I’m as blind as it is. SOMEONE TRYNA KIDNAP/KILL YOU, YA DUMB ASS. Oh great yes, go investigate, be a hero and DIE. SHE DED, SHE FUCKING DED. OH GOD, Charlotte RIP. Umm bish, I’m fucking confused, I’m only assuming she’s dead, which is more than likely. That man, chu is talking about, is probably the fucking attacker (mr. beech?? H?) I’m over errything, I’m surprised y’all not dead- never fucking mind, Charlotte died, knew it. Damn it Charlotte, EWWWWWW STAHP FUCKING DESCRIBING IT- STAHP MY HEART IS POUNDING ENOUGH.

I’m in public so if it g- did you just say “my heart pounds” because same. What kinda story/poem/thing is this. Envy who’s face? da fuq is dis shit, you gon skin her/him?! GTFO WIT DAT SHIT. Oh dear lawd, is this a pedophile type story?! EWW YOU WAITED FOR WHO IN YOUR CAR, all she did was let you cut her in line. STALKER ITS A GOD DAMN STALKER, OH HELL NAH NAHNAHNAHNAHNAH. ain’t nobody yo damn angel da fuq is wrong witchu. STOP RIGHT THERE, sir I need you to evacuate the premises. YOU FUCKING GOT IN BED WITH HER, I would fucking hit you in the head with a lamp too, shit- oh my fucking good common sense, butch I would be crying too if you fucking held me hostage. BISH I (she) DONT KNOW YOUUUUU! are you gonna fucking cut her up?! *gag* She ain't gon stop crying and chu ain't gon stop bein a fuckin creep.

ANOTHER ONE PERFECT, ANOTHER ONE! AND WHY TF WOULD YOU CALL THIS STORY "SAFE"?! She a ghost, she caressing a razorblade, she outside yo window, whatchu doin? Oh yeah!! she's just magically standing on the unknown, oh great, wonder-fucking-ful, he probably ded too.

You must really like your job to know all that info after just being in the scene for like 2 seconds. THE SMELL OF GASOLINE! I actualy like the smell of gasoline...probably shouldn't. OH MY GOD STOP DESCRIBING THE WRECK AND THE KIDS HEAD. *gag* I can feeeeeel the pain STAHP. Also you think she pretty in this situation, NOT THE DAMN TIME. All of this cause of a deer wonderful, wooow. Oop someone's probably gonna burn. DUDE DID YOU NOT COME IN A FIRETRUCK, WTF ? Yep she's gonna burn *gag* these descriptions arr amazing but also making me feel sick. Wait if you're a firefighter shouldn't you be used to this- nvrmind he explained it. I'm reeeaaaallly confused, soooo did your family die in that- nope nvrmind that's wrong. You're probably being haunted don't deny it. Dude, alcohol isn't a permanent medicine in any way, it's not gonna help. Please be happy again, gosh, just once, yay(?) is that a happy ending(?) oh god the smell of gasoline, wonderful the burned lady is haunting you dude- eww don't do that again, DO NOT. Also what the hell was he supposed to do- *GASP* wait whaaatttt? so she blamed you for her death, supposedly burned your house down killing your family except you and now you're forever traumatized. Great.

[ajaxskingdom]

“ College AU where Shiro is trying to study but he can hear his neighbor crying so he goes to knock on the door and Lance answers it with tears streaming down his face. “What’s wrong?” “I can’t believe the dog in the movie I’m watching fucking died.” “

Guess whaaatttt?

It’s another au @shir-oh-no came up with a while back that i’m finally writing

it’s not exactly the same as the prompt b u t

The young man’s brow twitched slightly as he stared at the book in front of him, incessantly tapping his pencil as he tried to ignore the loud laughter that would sometimes come from the person who lived in the dorm next to his. The guy had seemed to grow quiet earlier after a while of laughing, yelling, and just being flat out loud, but now he was just being loud again.

Usually Shiro would be able to handle this, he wouldn’t be annoyed by the loud noises, but he had a big test coming up in a few days and he needed to study, get the information packed into his brain for the day of the test.

He was just about to go see what the hell the guy next door was doing when his phone vibrated on his desk. Eyes flicking to it, he recognized the contact name on the screen, Short Pyro, and huffed out a chuckle, lifting his phone. He read the message Keith had sent him before letting out a slightly louder laugh.

‘Lance called me earlier, crying about some dog movie, and now he’s texting me about another one. Should I tell him the dog dies in the end so he has a warning and doesn’t call me crying again, or should I let him suffer? I think I’m going to let him suffer.’

Shiro didn’t quite know who Lance was, he just knew it was one of his brother’s friends from high school. He knew the two had literally hated each other during their first few years in high school, but something happened that led them to becoming close friends. Despite what Keith would say about him, Shiro knew he cared about this Lance guy.

‘Don’t be mean to your friends.’

He sent the message and sighed, only just then realizing his neighbor was quieting down once more. He had just been about to go back to studying when he got another message.

‘You do it to Matt, shut up. Besides, it’s too late anyways, the dog died.’

Shiro simply huffed quietly with a small smile, shaking his head before turning his attention back to his notebook. He had only just picked it up and begun to go over his notes when an actual sob sounded next door. The young adult froze, staring at the words on the pages as another sob sounded from his neighbor's dorm room. His mind raced with thoughts, like whether he should just ignore him and go back to doing what he was doing or go see if he was okay.

Sadly, Shiro’s nice guy side won the argument and he found himself slipping the shirt he had removed once arriving back at his dorm back on and heading for the door.

He locked his door behind him, eyes darting around the halls to make sure no one else was going to the guy’s dorm first before walking the very short distance to it. He had raised his hand to knock on his dorm neighbor’s door when a broken voice sounded on the other side of the door.

“Keeiiittthhh, you should have warned me!” The stranger cried out, voice hitching. The name had him pausing, brows furrowing as he stared at the door silently for a long moment. Maybe it was just a coincidence and the guy knew someone named Keith? An offended gasp sounded from the person on the other side of the door, a shaky laugh leaving him not too soon after. “You still could have told me Old Yeller was going to die! I thought you love me!”

Shiro felt a chuckle force its way out of his throat and he quickly quieted himself. He hadn’t heard what the person on the other side said, raising his hand to knock once more.

Just before he could, however, the door opened and he found himself face to face with a very, very pretty person.

The stranger was completely shirtless, leaving his dark skin completely exposed and leaving Shiro breathless. The sweats the guy was wearing were hanging off his slim hips slightly, showing off his hipbones and the slightest starts of a happy trail leading down from his belly button. His skin was flushed slightly, whether from heat or embarrassment from being in front of a stranger shirtless, Shiro wasn’t sure.

He was quick to drag his attention back to the guy’s face and grey orbs met bright blue. His eyes were so captivating despite the slight redness to them which let Shiro know he had truly been crying only moments before. It was then that he noticed the drying tear stains on the other’s face, leaving his face still slightly wet, but probably not as wet as it had been moments before.

A nicely shaped eyebrow quirked as the stranger stared at him, head slowly cocked to the side. Dark brown hair flopped to the side slightly as well and wow, it looked so soft to the touch.

“Keith, I gotta go, some cute guy is at my door.” Shiro hadn’t even seen the guy raise his phone to his ear once more, eyes flickering to his hands when he turned his attention to his phone to hang up. He has nice hands. The stranger cleared his voice and Shiro quickly looked at his face once more, taking note on the amused look that flickered through those beautiful eyes. Beautiful eyes that were red from crying. That didn’t look right.

He finally remembered what he had come there for a quickly cleared his own throat, heat slowly raising to his cheeks and pulling an amused chuckle from the guy.

“Is...Is, uh, everything alright?” When he just got a quirked brow, Shiro continued. “I, uh...I heard crying and I wanted to, uh...to make sure everything was alright?” His voice raised in volume slightly in a questioning tone and the stranger simply stared at him for a moment before his amused exterior crumbled.

“No, everything is not alright!” And oh no, his eyes were watering again. “They killed the fucking dog in Old Yeller! Who gives those fuckers the right to make me get attached to him and then kill him?!” Shiro was silent, watching the guy flail his arms slightly as he ranted about how the creators of the movie ‘Old Yeller’ had killed off the dog even after everything he had gone through.

He was silent for a long moment before cutting in, a hand raising to take hold of one of the guy’s wrists, which made him freeze.

“What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?” He questioned, tone completely serious. The guy stared at him for a long moment, obviously confused before answering with a quiet murmur of ‘neapolitan‘. Shiro nodded once and finally released his wrist, offering the stranger a smile. “I’ll be back. Don’t watch anymore sad dog movies while I’m gone.” And with that, he was taking off, leaving a confused and slightly flushed guy standing in his doorway.

When Shiro returned the the dorms, a bag with a tub of ice cream in hand, he went straight to his neighbor’s dorm. Raising his hand, he knocked exactly three times and heard someone let out a startled noise. It sounded like someone had fallen over something, a horrified squawk sounding on the other side of the door. The sound pulled a laugh from the young adult, a hand coming up to covering his mouth as he snickered behind his hand as the stranger opened the door to reveal his disheveled appearance. A huffed passed those pretty pink lips as the guy crossed his arms, trying to hold back a small smile.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up, big guy.” That statement only pulled another laugh from Shiro, which led the guy to openly smiling slightly. “So why have I been asked my favorite ice cream flavor and been told not to watch anymore dog movies?” The question made Shiro remember just what he had gone to the store for and he lifted the bag. The guy stared at it for a moment before looking at the Shiro.

“I know ice cream always cheers me up when I’m upset and you seemed actually, truly upset about Old Yeller dying, so-” Shiro trailed off, ducking his head down with an almost embarrassed smile. Why did he do this for some guy he doesn’t even know.

A soft laugh sounded from the person and the sound was like music to his ears.

“You are an actual dork.” There was an amused undertone to the guy’s voice and Shiro found himself looking at him once more, taking in the sight of the gentle smile that had spread across his face. Shit, he was so pretty.

“So I’ve been told..” He murmured, standing at full height and fully appreciating how the other was just barely shorter than him. He jumped slightly when he felt the guy grab his wrist and had gone to question him when he was being pulled into the dorm room. In moments, Shiro’s mind was racing with thoughts as he let himself be pulled through the dorm, eyes wide and taking in his surroundings.  It was actually fairly clean inside, almost as clean as his own dorm with the exception of a few shirts laying around here and there.

“Sit.” The stranger’s voice caught his attention and he looked at the guy before looking behind him, noticing the couch behind him. He silently sat down and watched as the guy walked away from a moment before returning, two plastic spoons in hand. Shiro had parted his lips to question him when a finger was pressed against them. “Shush. You got me ice cream so now you get to eat it with me and we can watch a movie. A happy movie.”

Shiro silently stared at him before letting out a huffed out chuckle, shaking his head slightly before digging the tub of ice cream out of the bag.

“I can dig that.”

Before either of them really knew it, hours had passed and they were already out of the ice cream. At some point, they had gone from watching comedy to watching horror and were at that moment watching ‘The Axe Murders of Villisca’. Shiro had learned over the night that the guy’s name was Lance and he ended up excusing himself to the bathroom to question Keith to confirm whether or not it was the Lance he thought it was and then freak out because “how couldn’t you tell me your best friend went to the same college as me??”. His brother had just ended up laughing before wishing him luck and simply hanging up on him.

The two were barely paying attention to the movie, the both them just talking about the most random points. Something in the movie caught Lance’s attention and the younger male (Shiro learned he was 20, only three years younger than himself) stared at the screen, giving Shiro a short moment to silently admire the attractive guy he found himself spending time with. He hadn’t noticed Lance look at him again until their eyes met, silently boring into each other as they held eye contact for a long moment. Lance was the first to break it off, clearing his throat and offering a small grin.

“You know, you didn’t have to do any of this for me.” The younger started, earning a confused look from Shiro. Before he could question him, though, Lance continued. “See if I was okay, get me ice cream, stay with me even after we were done with the ice cream.” He moved his hand dismissively and it pulled a soft chuckle from the older male.

“What can I say, I’m a nice guy who hates seeing others upset.” Shiro shrugged slightly, smiling at the other. Lance silently stared at him for a moment before a warm smile spread across his face, head tilting slightly.

“Yeah, you really are a nice guy..” The way he said it, voice soft and full of warmth, the way he looked at Shiro with such a warm gaze, it all made his heart hammer in his chest. It had been a long time since someone made him feel that way, made his heart race and thoughts of possibly getting to know him more running through his mind. His mouth started moving before he could stop himself.

“Do you...wanna do this again?” Lance quirked a brow with an amused quirk of his lips and Shiro ended up letting out a flustered sound, looking at his hands. “I..I don’t mean the crying and stuff, I, I mean the movie and-” A laugh made him stop and look at the younger male, who was smiling at him.

“I would love to, Shiro.”