#WE HEAR ABOUT TIFA'S RING BUT BARRET HAS A RING TOO

[heavenlyascent]

Looking up something on the FF wiki and ah yes Tifa's Fenrir ring, very cool very--

wait a minute

Barret's what now

whispers oh my god Cloud gave Barret a ring. He gave him a ring that symbolizes himself just like he gave Tifa because Barret is part of his family I'm gonna

[silver-wield]

Hello, i was just curious about something & id like to hear your opinion of it. About the wolf rings, we knw that Cloud gave one to Tifa, Marlene (also to Barret?). Did he also have one for himself? Or it is just his wolf earring? Did he gave one to Denzel? B'coz in ACC Denzel was seen wearing necklace with wolf ring, i read somewhere that it was Cloud's ring that he left to Denzel when he ran away at the end of CoT but idk if its true. Id like to knw more about this since it was not mentioned in OTWTAS but somehow we knew even from before that Cloud gave it to them & the reason Marlene is not wearing her's is b'coz it too manly for her.

I became a fan of FF7 after watching AC back in 2005, back then i didn't know anything about the game OG, KH & Ltd. I didn't even knew who Aerith was since her name was never mentioned in AC. But i knew back then that Cloud & Tifa were a couple. After I read CoT it was very clear from the start that Cloud was already considering Tifa as her gf, and since he's given her a ring then that should further solidify the level of relationship they have to each other (engaged/married couple). That's explains why Tifa was described as someone's sweetheart & a woman who was left by a man when Cloud ran off. Why do you think Nojima did not include this in CoT? This would've cleared the Ltd & maybe make the other ship to shut up once & for all.. just musing 😄

Cloud didn't give a ring to Barret. There's literally no info about Barret's ring, where he got it or anything behind who gave it to him or whether it's his or Marlene's. None of his costume information in any AC ultis mention it, so the only thing we can say is he's wearing the same type of ring as the others. He wears it on his middle finger.

Denzel is wearing Cloud's ring. This is the only note about the ring, so we don't know when Cloud took it off, but the typical narrative for a ring being removed is when someone leaves the partner they take off their ring and leave it behind.

The only other person wearing a cloudy wolf ring is Tifa. It's visible in every scene where her right hand is shown.

I started the comp with AC too, so I never thought of Aerith as anything but someone who died. She's Zack's counterpart in the film and they both have an equal number of scenes with Cloud, so I didn't give it any thought beyond them being people he knew who died and he blamed himself for it. When I saw the scenes of Cloud waking up in the bed beside Tifa I was like oooooh they're a thing! And then seeing their conversation it was clear they were having marital problems and needed to work through some shit. Although I also thought Cloud was a miserable git and Tifa deserves better so I didn't understand everything happening in the film, but the main points were simple.

I wish Nojima had done a scene between Cloud and Tifa where he gave her the ring or there was more romance between them, but I guess that wasn't a priority at the time. Since then Nomura and Ayumi Ito have received death threats and all sorts, so Nojima has probably decided to sledgehammer people with Cloud's feelings for Tifa so idiots finally stfu.

Ever Crisis will have episodes from AC so it's possible otwtas will feature too and we'll finally get that romantic scene between them in chibi form 😁❤️

[marblesphere]

Dream or Reality (Noctis x Reader)

I wrote this fic years ago. So, I fixed up a little and decided to post it here. I have also posted it in devianart under LastMoogleHunter. Happy reading!

“Aaaaahhh….what a boring day, always the same. There’s nothing new, nothing makes me excited.” I sighed for the umpteenth times. I see, I haven’t introduced myself, my name is [Name] [Last Name], I am 12th grade in Destiny High. This is my last year, thus was recommended in making good memories. Though…there is nothing fun, I wish Final Fantasy characters are real people. That’ll so much fun, especially if there is Noctis.....

Kyaaaa!!! I am so embarassed... ahem, let’s put that aside and let’s get onto the story.

This morning also has the same routine, wake up, bath, breakfast, school, home, dinner, sleep and so on. And coincidentally my literature teacher decides it’s fun to see her students suffer, and thus given us a homework about composition. I groan, this is going to kill my brain cells. “God, please let my life get interesting such as Final Fantasy character come to life..... Just kidding, it’s not like it can be granted anyway.” I exhaled. I put my homework and stationery on my desk and start thinking about the theme I am going to write. Not long after I start doze off.

My internal clock woke me up from my slumber. Groggily, I glance my clock and it shows 6.30 a.m. I blink once, twice and rub my eyes to make sure I am not mistaking it. In instant, all sleepiness fades away. ”Aaaahh!! I am late!!” I freaked out and with lightning speed I took a bath. While I was stripping though, something fell from my shorts’ pocket. I pick it up and examine it, it was a golden watch. Curious, I open it and something was craved on the lid ‘aeternam vinculo’ ‘what’s this mean? More importantly when I got this thing?’ I was thinking and completely forgotten the time.

“[Name]! breakfast is ready!” Kaa-san called.

“No way!” I yelped and resumed my activity.

I run down the stairs and eat breakfast quickly, “[Name], there’s still some time.” Kaa-san said.

I gulp down my orange juice, “Gotta go. Bye Kaa-san, Tou-san.” I said as I ran to school. Fortunately, the distance to school from my house is not that far. Upon arriving there, I still see a lot of students leisurely walking to the school. Looks like I am safe. I sigh in relief as I pat my chest. suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around, but the sight of that ‘someone’ tapping my shoulder made my eyes widenend.

“Morning.” He said, while I blinked once, twice, titled my head and stare at him as he is an alien landing on earth. The person who greeted me is no other than the famous Chocobo head, Cloud Strife.

I keep staring at him without blinking. “You…” I could only manage a word to come out from my mouth.

Cloud looks at me oddly, “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“Good morning you two.” A new voice called. Our head snap to that direction and find Tifa and Yuffie are walking toward us.

My eyes widened ‘[Name].exe is shutting down.’ I can practically hear a robotic voice said that. ‘What exactly is going on?’

Seeing my confused blank looking face, concern made to Tifa’s face, “[Name], what’s wrong?” She asked.

So, I did the most logical action I could at the moment, I pinch my left hand, “Ow…” ‘It hurt.’ I rubbed my reddening left hand.

“[Name], are you really alright?” Tifa asked again. “Don’t worry Tifa, I bet she just woke up.” Yuffie grinned.

‘It’s not a dream....? t-they are really alive...?’ I am still confused, I am still not sure if I am having a realistic dream or this is the reality. But if so, what about yesterday and the day before yesterday and the days before today? Was that reality a dream? And this is the real reality? My mind is in jumbled mess, but I am happy. My wish has come true, my wish for the Final Fantasy characters are real people and as a bonus I have befriend with them. There’s no more I could ask for.

I feel someone shakes me. “Huh?” I snapped back to the reality.

“Maybe we should get her to infirmary.” Tifa said.

“Whooa. [Name], you really sick?” Yuffie was shocked by the news.

“Let’s go.” Cloud said as he prepared to drag me.

“W-wait! I’m fine, I just dozing because I just woke up.” I said putting a sheepish grin.

“See, she’s just woke up.” Yuffie grinned again, but I can see she was relieved as well.

‘Well, I did wish something interesting like this happen. Well, dream or not let’s enjoyed it to the last.’ I smiled at my thought as we walked to the class.

Upon entering class, I no longer panic on what I saw. There are some FF characters here and there, but I spot no Noctis, ‘Well, I’ll be lying if I am not disappointed.’ I sigh softly. ‘Well, nothing goes smooth now.’

Then I heard giggles and squeals. ‘Don’t tell me this is a famous scene from shoujo manga. The moment when male lead and his group enter the classroom. If so, then… Those girls will be the mortal enemies of the female lead. After the plot milked her usefulness, she and her sidekicks will fall into ruin.’ I blinked as I looked at those girls. ‘What a shame. They look nice enough though. But, I wonder who they’re fangirling about.’ I follow the crowd’s eyes, then the door opened revealing ‘Emergency! Mayday! Mayday! All staffs please evacuate! The ship will sink soon!Eh? EEEEEEHHHHH???!!! What is happening?! Why is he here?! No... I mean… I am happy that he is here. But he being here is a problem itself to me, in many ways.’ The one who opened the door is no other than Noctis.

I stiffen when he walks to me. “Good morning.” He muttered as he walked past me to his seat which is behind me.

“Mo-morning…?” And the problem is I was suttering when I replied, ‘Now I’ve done it…. he officially think I am one of his fangirls.’ I sighed earning a few snickers from Tifa and Yuffie which I give them an odd look.

“Morning, Hime-chi.” Prompto greeted.

I am not sure who is Hime-chi is. But seeing no one responds to him, it must be me, right? “Morning…?” I greeted back hesitantly.

During the duration of the lesson, I can’t concentrate at all. Part of it is because Noctis is sitting behind me. The other part is I am frantically thinking what should I do, what is my relationship with him and the other characters. Just because some of them are my friends, that doesn’t mean all of the characters must be my friends. And I have to be careful how to act around them, so they didn’t notice my awkwardness.

The bell rings signaling lunch break. Finally, me and the group which included almost all of the alvalanche members plus some other go to school cafeteria. Minus Cid and Barret cause they’re too old to go to school anyway which I found out later the two of them are school staffs. Barret as P.E teacher and Cid as engineer. And of course, let’s not forget Zack and Aerith. We go to cafeteria to eat lunch, while the others eat and talking each other, I am thinking about a lot of thing and that mysterious golden watch.

“[Name].” A voice snapped me out of my own world and I found all of them were staring at me.

“Huh?” I blinked owlishly.

“Are you okay?” Aerith asked worriedly.

“Did they bully you?” Prompto frowned.

“Eh? Bully? Who?” I tilted my head not understanding who were they talking about. ‘…For the first time in my life I was bullied…’

“WHAT!? Those girls are bullying my little sister?! How dare they!” Zack raged.

“W-Wait a minute. I am fine. No one is bullying me.” I said quickly calming them down.

“I heard something about bullying [Name]. Who is daring enough to do that?” Another new voice chimed in.

“Ah.” I blinked at the newcomers, twins exactly.

“Stella, Luna. Where were you guys?” Yuffie asked.

“Sorry, the teacher needed us just now.” Stella apologized.

“So, I heard someone is bullying [Name]? Which idiot?” Luna smiled scarily.

“No one was bullying me.” I shook my head quickly. ‘Scary…. Does Lunafreya is this kind of character?’ I sweatdropped.

“If we are talking about bullying, then I am sure it’s no other than her and her little group.” Tifa rolled her eyes.

‘I wonder who and why would people bully me? I don’t think I’ve ever made someone mad enough to be bullied by them.’ I scanned the cafeteria and spot a group of girls glaring at me, ‘Ah. So, they are the bully group.’ Then a mop of blond caught my attention, I narrow my eyes to get better sight, ‘…Who is she? I have never meet her before, but strangely her name popped out in my mind. Tachibana Kirika-san, Noct’s fangirl…. Ah, no wonder.’ I looked at her object of affection.

“Ignore them” Noct said.

“Umm...okay.” I answered.

After that staring contest, all is well. No war break between us. The last bell finally rings, signaling the end of school. And so, as per usual ritual, apparently we always go home together. “See you tomorrow.” I waved to them when I arrived at my house.

“See you.” They waved back. I open the door only to find it is hollow of life. I found a note one dinner table ‘Business trip one week, there’s a leftover for dinner. We’ll get your cousin to stay at the house tomorrow.’ I sighed. It’s still the same,’Oh well, I’m used to it.... wonder who is my cousin. This is the first time I heard about having a cousin staying over.’

Tired and still in term of accepting what has happened today. I am feeling really sleepy, but I didn’t dare to sleep. What if this is just a dream and I’ll wake up in the same position on my desk, as selfish as it may sound I still don’t want this to end yet. So many thoughts race in my head, absetmindedly I take out the golden watch and finally fallen asleep holding that.

I wake up with a start and glancing at my room, then realize something, FF charas. ‘Is it a dream?’ I sighed and I felt something in my hand. The golden watch, it’s still here. That means ‘It’s not a dream.’ I grinned widely, they are real. Thus, I quickly begin my routine of the day.

Arriving to the class, I greet them. Them as in the group. “Morning.” I greeted.

“Morning.” They replied. I sit at my seat and put my bag on drawer, but then a sharp pain creeps through my hand, instictively I take out my hand and trail of blood is dripping from my hand. My eyes flicker at the sound of giggles, there Tachibana Karin stand proudly at what she have done, she even raises her chin up to which I reply with raised eyebrow.

‘Truly, this is the first time I am being bullied for real.’

Seeing my bloodied right hand and still bleeding. Cloud quickly take my hand and examines it. “You okay?” He asked.

“As okay as someone will be with bleeding hand.” I remarked. Zack is definitely pissed off by the look of his face and stalks toward them.

“Why you little-“

“Zack. There’s no need to get angry.” I called to him.

Ignoring my call, he still stalks toward them, that is until Vincent holds him, “Ignore them. We should take her to infirmary.” He said.

“No no no. we can’t let this kind of things go.” Stella stepped in.

“Indeed. We’ll need to teach her a lesson.” Luna easily agreed with the older twin.

“Stella, Luna. Not you two too.” I sweatdropped.

“Let’s just take [Name] to infirmary first.” Tifa said. With that, the group accompanies me to the infirmary.

“The cut isn’t deep, it will heal in few days.” Nurse Quistis said after she finished bandaging me.

“Thank you.” I thanked her.

“It’s my job, now off you go to class.” She ushered.

“Yes ma’am.” I give her mock salute as I get out of the room.

Entering the class, I was bombarded with questions. Quistis kicked all of the out for being so noisy and too much. “I am fine.” I said for the umpteenth time.

Then Tachibana-san comes to me and asks with her sickly sweet voice, “How was your hand? Is it hurt?”

“Well, why don’t we try it to your hand. And then you’ll know whether it’s hurt or not.” I smiled eraning a few snickers from my friends as they heard my reply.

Tachibana-san’s face is red with anger and opens her mouth to say something. But then, the door opened revealing Noctis and Prompto. she quickly puts her sweet façade again to which I know that isn’t fooling anyone with decent IQ. “Good morning.” She greeted him which was ignored and laughter rose from our throats.

“If you didn’t do something like bullying his friends, you might have a chance.” I told her.

“You!” She gritted her teeth.

‘Aaah… She really didn’t get it.’ I sighed mentally. “Good morning you two. How unusuall for you to almost late.” I greeted.

“Good morning, Hime-chi. You see, we are almost late because we met an old woman on the street. She… Hime-chi, what happened to your hand?” Prompto frowned when he saw bandage on my left hand.

“Your hand...”

“Oh, this..” I said as I lift my hand. “Apparently, someone with a bad hobby finds it interesting to get me scream in pain. Unfortunately, they didn’t get what they want.” I smiled. Noct opens his mouth to ask something when the bell rang, signalling the start of class. All of us goes back to our seat. Well, in my case after recieving a hateful glare from Tachibana-san.

‘More importantly I wonder… Why is she targeting me? I mean, Noct’s female friends are not only I. There are Luna and Stella too…. Does she know I like him…? Well, I do like him as character in games before. And meeting him right now does make my feeling stronger… but, I am not sure if I like him as man… Besides…’ A certain scene from the game flashes in my mind. It’s overlapping in a scene I’ve seen here. ‘I am such a fool… obviously they are together…’ A bitter smile graces my lips.

The lessons went well, save for the ocasion hateful glare... okay scratch that, hateful glare all along. Lucnh break bell rings..... “Okay class, that’s all for today... oh and there is winter ball on the 28th December. All of you MUST come, it’ll be the last event for you. Class dissmissed.” Then the teacher goes out of classroom.

I groan inwardly, ‘Great… a ballroom.’ Note the sacarsm. The students scatters, chatting about the ball, while the group (girls only) advance to me.

“Soooo.....” Yuffie begins the conversation. “Who is going to be your date?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t want to go.” I groaned again.

“You shouldn’t idle too long [Name], he will be snatched away.” Aerith said gigglig slightly.

“He? Who?” I titled my head. ‘Do I like someone?’

“Of course it’s him.” Yuffie answered.

“Tsk tsk tsk. As if [Name] will like another boy except from him.” Stella raised her brow.

“That dense man is too dense.” Luna giggled.

“Who is he exactly?” I frowned. But to them, my expression right now is quite funny because they are giggling.

“Don’t play dumb [Name]. all of us already know who is he. He is the one who gifted you the golden watch on your birthday.” Tifa said.

 ‘So, that was a gift from someone. And that someone is my crush so to speak…’ I blinked. ‘Who is…’ Suddenly the answer appeared itself in my mind.

*Poof* my face explodes to a blush. ‘It’s him. That man who is a trouble to me just by being here.’ I covered my face looking away from the evil grins on their faces.

“That time he was so shy. It’s funny, right?” Yuffie exclaimed.

“Hey, you guys.” I was saved by Reno. “Who are going to be you girls’ date?” He asked excitedly.

“Not again…” I groaned. “Reno, you don’t have any delicacy at all.” I whined.

“What happened to her?” Reno blinked.

“Just girl trouble.” Stella giggled followed by the rest of the girl.

“I mean you guys have fixed date already. Is there any point to ask?” I pouted. “I’m sure Tifa is going with Cloud, Aerith and Zack, Yuffie with Vincent. Stella is with Prompto and Luna will be going with No-.” I said.

“My date is a secret.” Luna cut my sentence.

“Secret?” I blinked.

“Yep. You’ll know when the time comes.” She smiled mysteriously.

“So, what about you [Name]? Wanna be my date?” He winked.

I snort, “No, thank you.” I flat out rejected him. “If I go with you. Your group of angry girlfriends will be waiting for me. Nuh-uh. I still want to be perfectly healthy, thank you.” All of them excluding Reno who is now sulking are laughing at his misfortune. “I am probably going alone. There’s no rule I can’t go alone.” I smiled. “…What’s wrong?” I blinked when I found them stared at me oddly.

“[Name]… You are quite dense…” Tifa sweatdropped.

“Huh?” I titled my head.

“[Name] you know, you are quite popular. If you say you are searching for a date. Everyone will probably line up.” Aerith giggled.

“…You are teasing me, aren’t you? I have a plain face you know. The one that is neither pretty, beautiful or cute. Besides, if I mean if I am quite popular, how come no one talk to me or better yet flirt to me?” I put an unamused face.

‘That’s because a certain someone made sure no one will not talk to you more than necessary. How can they have a gut to flirt with you with him hanging around you like a guard dog.’ All of them sweatdropped.

“Enough about me. What about the prince?” I turned my question to the prince that walked past me back to his seat.

“About what?” He sat back down.

“The winter ball. Who are you escorting?” I asked.

He snorts. “I don’t want to go.” He said.

“Me too. But we are forced to go.” I chuckled.

“I am waiting for someone.” He answered shortly. His answer makes the boys laugh. I raise my eyebrow at their odd reaction.

“You should hurry and ask her out, or else she’ll out of your reach.” Zack chuckled.

“Yep. After all the effort you put into.” Cloud nodded.

Zack’s word make my chest stings a bit. ‘What is this feeling?’ I blink the I shake my head to ignore it and chat with the rest of them.

Zack’s word is still ringing in my head. I am indeed curious as who is he going to ask, but I am more curious about the feeling in my heart just now. ’They are just characters from game, right? So, why did I have this feeling? Besides, I am sure he is going to ask Luna. No need to think that hard. They obviously are going to reveal it at the winter ball.’ I finally asleep while thinking about this.

Again, I wake up from my peaceful slumber before the alarm rings. I rub my eyes to get rid the alimighty power of sleepiness. The calendar on my wall made me realize this is Saturday. ‘Oh, it’s finally this day.’

As usual, I did my everyday routine, and then off to school. My peaceful day was once again ruined by Tachibana-san and the rabid fangirls follower.

“You! You dare to embarass me the other day, in front of my Noctis no less.” She screehed.

“My...Noctis...? Wow, I am not sure how to reply to that statement... Besides, weren’t you the one asked me about my hand, I just answered that it would be better for you to experience it first hand.” I answered effortlessly.

“You bitch!” She swung her hand to slap me. I am ready to dodge and prepare some wise words. But, her hand was caught midair by a more masculine hand.

I turn my head to get a better look of my savior. ‘Squall.’ I blinked at the unexpected character. ‘Rinoa shouldn’t be too far from Squall.’ I giggled inwardly at my own thought.

“You better stop this or you’ll get more than just slapping.” He growled. Tachibana-san turns pale. She and her follower quickly retreat back.

Then suddenly a girl pops out from his side. “Are you okay, [Name]?” Said girl is no other than Rinoa. ‘As I thought, Rinoa is not far.’ I chuckled at my own thought.

“I am fine.” I answered. “But, why are you two here?” I asked, I am not surprised with the characters popping out as my friends anymore. Last time, I found out Ignis is our Chemistry teacher and Gladioulus as our school security guard.

“Listen well! this isn’t over! I’ll make your life a living hell!” Tachibana-san sreeched which we of course ignored. The she stomps out here with her rabid fangirls follower.

“Just like always, you are a trouble magnet.” Squall Leonhart, which like to be called Leon sighed.

“You haven’t answered my question... Squeon.” I added my personal nickname just to annoy him.

“Your parents were worried, so they asked me to take care of you.” He said ignoring my nickname.

“I am fine, Squeon.” I said again.

Squall snorts, he lifts my bandaged hand, “And you said this was okay.”

“[Name], you are injured. What happened?” Worrywart Rinoa asked.

“I am okay. It’s just a small wound, Quistis said it will heal in 2 or 3 days.” I said calming Rinoa down.

Then, we heard some footsteps running toward us. The group are rushing to us. “Squall! Rinoa!” They exclaimed happily when they saw them.

“It’s Leon.” He grunted.

“Nooo, it’s Squeon.” I laughed. Squall only glares at me using his infamous glare.

“Long time no see.” Rinoa smiled.

“[Name], are you alright? I heard from some people Tachibana was bullying you, what did she do to you?” The now panicking Tifa asked.

“I am okay. she was just going to slap me, but Squeon stopped her.” I answered.

“WHAT?! She was going to slap you?! That damn bitch! How dare she!” Zack cursed.

“Calm down. I am not strupid just standing there waiting her slaps me.” I snorted. ‘Besides, which idiot will stand still when they are going to be hit.’

“By the way, if Squall and Rinoa are here. Does that mean they are going to be your care taker again?” Cloud asked.

“Yes, they are.” I said grinning.

“Oooooh, it’s rare that we can gather here together. So, how about we go to Chocobo Land  tomorrow?” Yuffie exclaimed excitedly.

“Chocobo Land.... Well, it’s been a while, the last time we go together was on [Name]’s birthday.” Aerith said. With that said, all of us decide to go to Chocobo Land tomorrow. Unbeknwon to me, I am playing right to their trap.~”~

“Eeeeehhhh~ Why can’t you go with us?” I asked, dismayed at the fact we couldn’t spend time together.

“Rinoa isn’t feeling well.” Was Squall short answer.

But I can’t shake the feeling that something is off. “She was fine yesterday.” I mumbled.

“Yesterday and today are different.” But all I did was stare, stare and stare. He sighs, “Just go already, you don’t want to be late, right?” He ushered me to go.

“Yes~” I sulked.

Arriving at the Chocobo Land. Only Noctis is at the rendezvous point. “Hey, Noct, where is the others?” I asked.

“They still haven’t arrived.” He answered.

‘Weird. They are usually on time. Maybe Yuffie will be a little late.’ I blinked at the unusual happening. And suddenly our phones ring at the same time signalling there are messages in our group chat.

Tifa

“Sorry, my parents are out of town suddenly. Need to housesit.”

Yuffie

Some brats in neighborhood are hunting my treasure. Need to safeguard it.

Zack

Am grounded. T.T

Luna

“Sis and I have trouble escaping from arranged marriage.

Stella

“Have fun. We will arrive there late.”

Aerith

“The shop is crowded. I can’t go out yet.”

Squall

“Rinoa is sick. Need to take care of her.”

Rinoa

Sorry guys.

Cloud

“Fixing my bike.”

Vincent

“…Sleepy…”

Prompto

“Helping acquaintance in photoshoot.”

‘What kind of hellish timing is this?’ I sweatdropped. ‘…No matter how I think, they are definitely setting us up.’ I sighed softly.

The two of us look at each other and sigh. “We were set up.” He said. “So, what should we do? Should we go home?” He asked again.

“Hmmm… We’re already here anyway. So, let’s just play. Just the two of us.” I grinned. A small smile is tugging on his lip hearing my sentece. But, unbeknown to us, we were followed by eight enthusiastic stalkers plus two reluctant stalkers and cameras.

Everywhere and anywhere as far as I can see, all I can see is Chocobo. The excitement is building up. “Chocobo♪~ Chocobo♪~.” I hummed out with sparkling eyes.

“Your love for Chocobo is something else.” Noct sweatdropped.

“What can I say, I just love Chocobo.” I giggled. “Then, our first ride will be that.” I pointed to the Chocobo Jet that was quite far from our meeting point.

“Figures you will ride that first.” Noctis chuckled.

“Let’s go!” I giggled excitedly. ‘Just for today. Let me spend a quality time with him. Yes…Just for today.’ The Chocobo Jet is really exciting. “I want to ride it again.” I said enthusiastically.

“Let’s ride the other attraction first. We’ll ride the roller coaster again later.” He sighed helplessly.

“It’s a promise, okay. I won’t go home if I don’t get to ride it again.” I stuck my pinky to him.

“Yes, yes. It’s a promise.” He hooked his pinky to mine. And then seamlessly warps his hand around mine and tugs me along.

I blink at the action. ‘Alert, alert. The parameter is rising.’ A slight blush adorns my cheeks. I quickly put a hand on my cheek to cool it down.

“What’s wrong?” He asked when he saw my weird action.

“Nothing!” I squeaked in high pitched voice.

He blinks, “You are so weird.” He laughed.

“I don’t want to hear that from you.” I stuck my togue out to him.

The next ride is Chocobo Cup. “Spin faster!” I laughed cheerily as I spun the cup faster.

“You’ll get dizzy later.” Noct smiled.

‘Hm…?’ from the corner of my eyes, I think I caught a glimpse of a familiar chocobo head. ‘Was I mistaken?’

“What’s wrong?” Ncoct asked when he realized I stopped spinning.

“Ah, nothing, I thought I saw Cloud.” I shook my head. “It must be my imagination. I mean this is Chocobo Land.” I laughed. All of the visitors are wearing Chocobo headband which we get as a free gift in the entrance.

“What do you want to do next?” He asked.

“Hm…Oh!” My eyes are drawn to the shooting range not far from us. More accurately, drawn to the prizes in that shooting range. “That! Let’s compete!” I turned to Noctis.

“Yes?”

“Let’s see who will get the grand prize first!” I exclaimed.

“Yo, ojou-chan, an-chan. The point for the grand prize is 150. The rule is easy. Your gun has 3 bullets. Knock down the plate with the point written on it. collect 150 points and you have the grand prize. Easy, right?” Baku explained.

“Yep!” I nodded.

“One game is 150 gil.” He smiled.

“Give us two guns.” Noct said as he handed him the money.

“Haiyo!” Baku handed us the bullet.

“The game is on!” I grinned.

~One Round Later~

“Not fair….” I sulked. In the end, Noctis wins with overwhelming victory. I don’t understand how he managed to get 200 points, while I couldn’t even get the 10 points plate down.

“Bwahahahaha! Ojou-chan, you are the best! Your skill is one in one hundred!” Baku laughed merrily.

“Sh-shut up!” I cried out.

“An-chan, your skill is amazing. Usually, the guests will spend more than 3 games to get a hang of this game.” He smirked.

“This is just a fluke. My friend happens to be good at this kind of game. I was only following his advice.” Noct answered.

“Heh. I want to meet this friend of yours.” Baku smirked.

“Next time, I guess.” Noct shrugged his shoulder.

“Bahahaha! I can’t wait!” Baku laughed harder.

While those two are chatting. I am already at my own land of misery. “I am sorry Chocobo. I can’t get you. I am sorry I am such a failure.” I murmured.

“So, what happen to Ojou-chan?” Baku sweatdropped.

“She just happened to love Chocobo a bit too much. Too much that I am jealous.”

“Bwahahaha! You win the game, but lost the war. I really pity you, An-chan” Baku patted his shoulders.

“Haahh…” He sighed. “[Name]. Here, this is yours.” Something is shoved to my face. It’s the grand prize of the shooting range, Golden Chocobo.

“For me?” I blinked.

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes. “If I don’t give it to you. You’ll keep staring at me as if you are having a grudge on me.” He smirked.

“I-I will not.” I flushed.

“Ojou-chan!” Baku called.

“Yes?”

“Here. A consolation prize.” Baku gave me two droppy chocobo hat. “Thanks to Ojou-chan, I have a great laugh today.” Baku grinned.

“Thank you!” I quickly put it on my head, while keeping the headband I got on my small backpack I brought. “Noct, you wear one too.” I gave the hat to him. The said man obediently bends down his body so I can put it on him. “We match!” I laughed happily, completely missing his softened look to me.

“Bahahaha! I pray for your success, an-chan.” Baku laughed.

“Thanks.” Noct replied. While I completely don’t understand what they were talking about. “Let’s go. We still have many attractions to ride.” He tugged my hand along.

“Yes!” ‘I think whether this is a dream or reality, this will be the happiest day of my live.’

Our next destination is, “Chocobo House!!!” I shrieked at the sight. I rush to the house, wanting to see it up close and personal.

“Hey! Don’t run!” I heard Noct’s warning.

“Don’t worry! I am not a child. I won’t fall down. Hurry up! Hurry up!” I urged him.

“We need to buy tickets first.” He sighed.

“Ah.” I blinked, completely forgotten that. Noct rolls his eyes as he pays for the tickets.

“Thank you for the purchase. Please enjoy the house.” The staff smiled.

Chocobo House, truly befitting the name. The house is basically Chocobo den. Look right, there will be a lot of Chocobo. Look left, there will be a lot of Chocobo. Look up, there will be a lot of Chocobo lantern. Look down, the tile is Chocobo pattern. And in the center if the house, there is the fat Chocobo.

“….Can I take that home?” I muttered out loud.

“Will it fit in your room?” Noct sweatdropped.

“I have an unused room. It will fit there. I can just move my Chocobo shrine there.” My eyes sparkled.

“Oi oi oi. Will they even let you buy it. Rather, even if they are willing to sell. Does your pocket money enough?” Noct sighed.

“Hmmm…. I should really get a part time job.” I muttered as I trying to calculate how much the Fat Chocobo will cost.

“Wait! Wait! They are selling the miniature version of Fat Chocobo. Let’s take a look.” Noct dragged me to the merchandise counter. In the end, I buy the Fat Chocobo plushie. More precisely, it was bought for me.

“I could buy it myself. You’ve paid for the rides and tickets. I can at least buy the merchandise myself.” I pouted and frowned as I hugged the plushie.

“It’s fine. I just want to. My father told me I need to spoil you to win your heart. He even willingly and happily to let me spend money to make you his daughter in law.” He muttered.

“Hm? What did you say?” I couldn’t hear the second part of his sentences.

“Nothing. Let’s ride that next.” He pointed to the Chocobo-go-round.

“Okay!” ~”~

“I am hungry~” I whined as I sat on the park bench.

“It’s already 1.00 p.m.” Noctis said as he looked at his watch. “The food court is over there.” Noctis said.

“Yosh! After lunch, we are going to continue.” I beamed, while my companion just shook his head at my antics. “Hey, don’t tell me you don’t enjoy it. Because we know it’s a lie.” I pointed my finger to him.

“I never said I didn’t.” He chuckled.

“Then all is well.” I grinned.

We are sitting in the food court, waiting for our order. The topic of our conversation is the hellish timing our friends have. “They are definitely…” I trailed off.

“…Doing this in purpose…” He finished.

“There’s no way they have this kind of convenient timing of not going. Well, in Zack’s case… he might be really grounded.” I giggled as we glanced secretly to the seats behind us.

“He-hey! Don’t be too noisy, they’ll find out.” A familiar voice of Tifa was heard.

“But, I can’t hear what are they talking about.” Yuffie whined.

“What a sloppy tailing.” I sniggered.

“They really… have too much free time.” Noct sighed.

“They seem don’t know that we’ve know they tailed us from the start.” I laughed merrily, really enjoying this charade. From the corner of my eyes, I can see now they are fighting for food, Zack and Cloud plus Yuffie. “Let’s caught them red handed later.” I laughed.

“Here are your orders.” A kind waitress set down our food.

“Thank you.” We thanked her.

“Please enjoy!” She smiled cheerily.

“Thanks for the food.” ~”~

“Noct. Let’s go over there.” I pointed to an ice-cream stall.

“Didn’t you just eat lunch?” He blinked.

“If it’s for ice cream, I am sure my stomach will make more room.” I answered.

“….What flavor?” He could only helplessly ask.

“Sea-salt ice cream!” I said excitedly.

“Wait here.” He told me and he is off to the stall.

“Ah, I want ice cream too.” I heard Yuffie whined.

“If we go now. We’ll be caught.” Stella reminded.

“But… ice cream…” I could already imagine her face looked like a kicked puppy.

“We need to endure.” Luna said sternly.

“Here.” Noct came back with an ice cream.

“Where is yours?” I blinked as I took the ice cream.

“I am good.” He said.

“Is that so?” I licked the ice. “Mmmnn… It’s delicious.” My eyes sparkled. “Here. Have a taste. It’s delicious. Delicious food should be shared to double the deliciousness.” I grinned.

“…Then, I’ll be happy to oblige.” He smiled softly as eat the ice from my hand.

“How is it? Isn’t it delicious?” I asked animatedly.

“Yeah. It’s delicious.” A ghost smile on his lips.

“See! I told you, you should buy one for yourself.” I said smugly. I quickly devour the ice cream until I realize what have I done. *Poof* ‘He ate mine…. Indirect kiss… No no no, let’s not think about it.… Okay, breathe in… breathe out… It’s okay. It’s just indirect kiss. No biggie….NO! it’s not okay for my heart! Does he even realized what he has done! I know I was the one offered it to him, but…’

“Why is your face red? Is it heatstroke?” He frowned.

“No! I am fine! Completely fine. It’s only a little bit too hot! It’s not a heatstroke!” The completely flustered me squeaked out. “Let’s go there!” I randomly pointed a ride and hurried there, missing the knowing smirk on his face.

The clock has shown 5.30 p.m. the only remaining ride is, “Hey, Noct. Let’s ride Chocobo Wheel.” I dragged him to the line. The said man allows me to drag him, he’s suprisingly obidient.

The Ferris Wheel stops when we are at the top. “When are we going to catch them red handed?” He smirked.

“You’ll see.” I grinned mischievously. “As expected from the highest point. I can see all of them park from here. It’s beautiful.” I was awed by the breathtaking view.

“Indeed…” What I didn’t know is, he wasn’t talking about the view.

The ride has ended. We are back on the land. “Ah! I have to call Squeon, first. I am worried about Rinoa.” I said out loud, letting our stalkers hear. “If he has something he needs, I can swing to the nearest drug store.” I fished out my phone from my bag. Can practically hear the nervous choked sounds from our stalkers. I push the speed dial button number 1. A familiar ringtone rings. My smile widens when I heard that.

“Hello!” I waved to them. We catch our stalkers red handed. “I thought you all have some kind of troubles.” I raised my brow.

“Ahahahha… We were just...uh…worried about you two. Yes, we were worried.” Zack laughed nervously, which then elbowed by Aerith for stuttering.

“So, did you guys get nice pictures? Because I am expecting it.” I snickered.

“I thought you were grounded, Zack.” Noct smirked.

“Hey, everyone! The photos are done. What are- “Yuffie stopped in mid sentence when she saw us. “Ahahahaha. Hello, [Name].” Yuffie greeted me.

“Geh! Noct!” Prompto gasped.

“Yuffie~, Prompto ~ What about those pictures in your hands?” I asked with a smile etched on my face.

“O-oh, th-this is..” She trailed off, senaking a glance on me, I still waiting her answer with a smile. “Eheheheh.... Okay, I give up. Here, all yours.” She gave us the photos they took. To put it simply, those are our candid photos. There are also the others but mostly about me and Noctis.

“Awww, this one is soo cute.” Tifa cooed. The pictures she chooses is the one when Noct was eating my ice cream. The angle is good. It’s just quite embarrassing.

“Heheh. Mine is this.” Luna chose the time when I put Chocobo hat on Noct.

“Oh. I like this one.” Stella picked our competition in shooting range.

“This one is good.” Aerith liked the one where I hug the huge Fat Chocobo in Chocobo House.

“Oookay. Let’s save this for later. For the last ride, we’ll go on Chocobo Jet. I will not allow any objection.” I exclaimed happily. For the last ride. We are fortunate the ride is enough for all of us.

“It was fun! It’s been a while I play this much.” I stretched.

“We should come here together again.” Rinoa smiled.

“Agreed! But no more stalking.” I laughed.

Time sure flies fast. It’s already one week before Christmas, we the girls are shopping for Christmas gift. ‘Sooo, what should I buy? Let’s just buy what they can use everyday.’ The other girls already busy choosing their own gifts. I am just strolling in the accesorries shop. After all of us finished, we head back to home. ~”~

It’s finally Christmas. The girls agreed to gather at Tifa’s house and give a make-over to each other, while I opted to not involved which is not an option. I am also dragged in to the whole fiasco. Exactly 7 p.m. We heard the knock, signaling the boy group has come.

“Merry Christmas.” Zack said excitedly.

“Merry Christmas.” We greeted. After we greeted each other, the party starts. I give them their respective gifts. Earrings for Tifa, bracelet for Yuffie, a necklace for Stella and Luna, a phone case for Vincent, a dress for Aerith, a google for Cloud, another dress for Rinoa and a for Zack, my self proclaimed brother, I gave him a pair of shoes. For my dearest cousin, it’s a leather jacket.

I am now down to the last person, but the said person isn’t in the room. The gift is still clutched in my hand. I see Tifa tilts her head to the yard, I nod and flash a grateful smile.

I found him gazing stars. “Not going to enter?” I asked.

Noctis glances at me and then back to the stars. “Too noisy.” Was his short answer. I laugh lightly at his short, but clear answer.

There is a comfortable silence between us, until I remember the reason I searched him. “Here.” I gave him the small blue box.

“For me?” I nodded at his question. Then he also pulls out something small from his pocket and gives it to me. I look at the gift curiously. I try to guess what’s in this little black box. Seeing the blatant curiosity on my face, Noctis chuckles. “Open it.” He said. With that said, I open the box excitedly. There, in the black box there is a ring necklace. My name is carved on the ring. My eyes widened and let out a small laugh. Noctis only stares at me with raised eyebrow.

“Open my gift.” I said still laughing. With a strange look he opens the box. His eyes also widen, there in the blue box I gave him, there’s also a same ring necklace. the only difference is the carved names. Then a small laugh also escapes from his lips.

“Will you allow me to escort you in the winter ball?” He asked.

This question caught me off guard. I never thought he will ask me let alone think about it. I look left, right and then behind me to see if someone is there. “…Are you practicing so you can ask Luna?” I blinked.

“Why are you bringing up Luna?” He frowned.

“Eh? Why? Because isn’t that so?” I was taken back.

“It’s not.” He sighed exasperated.

“Then… If you are fine with me. I’ll be happy to take on your offer.” I smiled. ~”~

The day before the ball. The girls agree to meet up again in Tifa’s house right after school. They are going to match the dress they’ve bought with their accessories. “Hm? [Name], where’s your dress?” Luna asked.

“Ah, I don’t have one I was sure I am going alone, so I didn’t buy dress. I am going to wear school uniform. The rule didn’t specifically say the dress code is an evening dress.” I smiled sheepishly.

“School…” (Stella)

“Uni…” (Aerith)

“…form” (Tifa)

“You said?!” (Luna)

“Huh? Isn’t Noctis escorting you?” Yuffie blinked.

“He did two days ago. It’s just, I don’t have time to pick up dress. So, I am going to wear school uniform.” I nodded.

“Change of plan.” Stella said seriously.

“Yes. We have a change of plan.” Luna agreed.

“Huh?” I blinked.

“We are going to shop for your dress right now.” Aerith smiled.

“Eh? Right now. We don’t have that much time…anymore.” I finished timidly, seeing their scary smiles.

“Sorry [Name}. Even I can’t help you.” Yuffie said. ~”~

At last, the most dreaded day that I wish never come is finally here. 28th December, that means the winter ball. ‘Why it has to be a ballroom, can we just change to more casual party?’ I groaned.

“[Name], you shouldn’t put that kind of face. You are the prince’s date, are you not?” Zack teased.

“The said prince has the same opinion as me.” I said unamused. The girls and the boys wear a matching color, including Noct and I. Apparently, Luna called Noct and asked, no demanded him to wear a cobalt blue suit, so he can match with my dress.

The hall is decorated just like a real ballroom. There are also snacks and drinks there. Once we enter the hall, Reno instantly flies to the other side of the hall sweet talking to a group of girls. The others asked their dates to dance with them. Being a gentleman he is, our favourite prince also asks me to dance. “I can’t dance.” I smiled wryly.

“Don’t worry. Just follow my lead. Waltz is an easy dance.” He said taking my hand. We dance peacefully until someone with the name of Tachibana Kirika ruins it.

“Noctis dear~” She called with such coquettish voice that it actually made me had a goosebumps. “I am sure I can be a better partner than this plain looking girl.” Tachibana-san winked at him.

“Sorry if I am plain looking. At least, you should learn how to wear a proper make up. The color doesn’t suit you.” I rolled my eyes.

“No, thank you.” He refused politely.

But that sets Tachibana-san in rage. “Exactly what did you see in this girl?” She screeched and pointed her finger to me. “I am prettier and a ton of guys asked me to be their date.” She yelled.

Noctis narrows his eyes. “Then, you can have them to accompany you. Listen, I am tired of your antics. Don’t you dare badmouth her! The next time you do so, I won’t forgive you!” Noctis snapped. Then, Noct storms out from the hall, leaving the said girl there standing dumbfounded and biting her fingernail.

‘Wow, this is the first time I see him angry.’ I too, quietly leaving the hall searching for my partner.

“So, you are here.” I said after I found him on the rooftop. He only stands there unmoving. “Still angry?” I asked.

“Not anymore.” He answered.

“I doubt she will stalk you after your outburst just now.” I laughed.

“She better be.” He let out a snort.

“Hey, Noct.”

“Hm?”

“What was the meaning of the word carved in the golden watch?” I asked as I took out the watch from my dress’ small pocket.

“Are you curious about that?” He asked.

“Very.” Was my answer.

“That is-” He walked closer to me without breaking the eye contact. He stands right in front of me, making me wait with bated breath. He bends down so his mouth right beside my ear, and whispers softly. “Eternal bond.” After saying that, he stood straight. A small smile on his lip, satisfied with my now blushing face.

“You-! Can just say it normally.” I glared at him. The futile glare only makes him smiles. He pulls me toward him. “Wha-” I blinked rapidly as he pressed his lips to mine.

‘Unable to process. [Name].exe crashed.’

I suddenly wake up from my nap and look at my surrounding. I am in my room, the same room before all of that happen, my workbook is still on my desk untouched. “I see, that was a dream after all.” I said disappointed. I blush again remembering the last part of the dream. “What an outrageous dream I had.” I sweatdropped. I put my finger on my lips as if I can still feel the warmth.

“[Name], you idiot. That was just a dream.” I scolded myself. “Rather than thinking about it, I should take a bath.” I mumbled walking to the bathroom. Unbeknown to me there are a ring necklace with my name and a golden watch with its lid opened on my desk.

“Our bond is eternal”

[sahbibabe]

A Growing Awareness

A Growing Awareness

Soulmate AU

Sephiroth/Fem! Reader

Reno offers you a job that requires your mercenary skills, requested by Rufus Shinra personally. You neither want to do it or obey his every whim.

Sephiroth is vulnerable, if only for a few moments, and allows you in, but you would never have known otherwise.

SO, [NAME], WE HAVE A proposition for you."

Reno, ever flashy in his nice suit, and Rude, who was carefully pouring you tea after refusing to allow you to do it, had cornered you in your shop sometime after closing. Sephiroth had made good on his promise to escort you, and told you in very simple terms that he would be back again to continue your conversation. If he came into contact with the two Turks, however, there would be bloodshed, you had no doubt; death was the last thing you wanted these days.

"Thank you, Rude," you said, thanking him when he handed you your cup of tea. He nodded imperceptibly at you. "What kind of proposition? I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do for you."

Reno grinned. "See, that's the thing--there's plenty you can do for us. You see, I've been digging up some of your old files--"

You went rock solid. Slamming the tea cup down on the table, you fixed him with a look that could curdle blood, mouth pulled into a firm line, daring him to continue. You felt Rude, beside you, spook just a little. "How dare you."

"--and I found out some very interesting tidbits about you. Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I even have a choice?" You sneered. Your amicable nature had taken the back burner and the mercenary was taking its place, ready to spill blood and cut throats. "I assume you're going to tell me anyway."

Reno produced a thick manila file from inside his blazer, slapping it down on the rickety table with an audible smack. There were red sticky tabs labeled on the parts he thought were important, yellow ones and blue ones and green ones that you didn't know the meaning of.

"[Name] [Surname]," he began in a mocking tone, flipping to your diagnostics page. "Twenty-three. Female. Originally born in Sector Two, moved to Sector Seven at nineteen. Daughter of [M/Name] and [F/Name], head Shinra executives."

You squeezed your eyes shut. "Stop."

"Form occupation: mercenary." His tone got more sardonic the more he read. The more he got closer to the information you tried to forget about for hours at a time, that never ceased bothering you every waking moment. "Charted casualties: six thousand. Known kill count: fifteen thousand. You were a busy woman, weren't you?"

"I said stop."

"And here's the interesting part," Reno hummed, flipping to another red tab, another part of your life that killed you to relive. "After a week in Hojo's lab, you suddenly retired. Packed up and shipped out to Sector Seven without any prior word otherwise. Set up a little tea shop. No one looks twice at the blind woman, except you aren't blind and you aren't as innocent as you make yourself out to be."

You couldn't take it anymore. You were across the table and wrapping your hands around Reno's pale throat, fingers digging into muscle and the hard cartilage of his esophagus, eyes boring holes into his own. Rude tried to pull you away, but you held fast, some supernatural strength rooting you there, threatened.

"I said, stop it," you seethed, ignoring the feel of scalding tea seeping into the skin of your abdomen. You would have burns there, later. "Shut the hell up and tell me what you want. There's no reason for you to educate me on my past."

When you finished speaking, you released him roughly, slowly reclining back in your chair when Rude released you, relieved you weren't going to lunge at his partner again.

"Sorry, [Name]," Rude began, no doubt referring to the giant imprints of his hands that would be left on your hips from his pulling you away from Reno. You hadn't even realized how hard until the pain set in, brutal and aching. "I'll get you a potion."

"No need," you huffed, pulling your shirt away from your stomach. The skin was already raw and hot; you guessed second degree burns by the feel of it. "Either you get to talking, Reno, or get out and never come back."

He was still rubbing his throat, red hair downcast over his eyes, and you made out the imprints of your fingers around his neck like a suffocating ring. You felt somewhat guilty about it and felt the urge to apologize, but the smug smile on his face made you take it back and want to give him a nice shiner in the eye.

"Fine then. President Rufus. He wants you to reinstate your merc services." He leaned back in his chair, though he kept a hand on his baton, you noticed. "He has need of your skillset."

"What?" You mocked, mimicking the tone he had used on you before. "Turks not good enough for the mighty Rufus Shinra that he has to hire a retired mercenary?"

You relished in the irritation beginning to show on Reno's face.

"Look. It's three million gil a gig. Take it or leave it. As for your answer, you have a few months before you'll be needed. I'm sure you can come up with a good one by then."

In short, you couldn't tell them no, and you were going to be seeing Rufus Shinra earlier than you had intended, which had just gone from never in a million years to right in a few months. Unless you wanted your life ruined, you had to go. Had to obey, like a dog.

"Get out," you hissed. "Get. Out."

Reno smirked and waved for Rude to stand, the both of them heading to the door.

"You have my card if you make your decision early."

Once the damned Turks were out of your building, you flipped the open sign to closed and began tearing your shirt off to let the burn breathe. You left it somewhere on the stairs and fumbled for your first aid kit, pulling out a sanitary wipe and burn gel that Tifa had helped you procure at an insanely cheap price.

"Damn," you cursed, feeling the scissors drop from your fingers. You instead ripped the packet of burn gel open with your teeth and spread it across your stomach generously, laying back on your bed and sighing in relief when the powerful sting of the burn went away in a rush of cold. "Much better…"

"Three million gil is a lot of money. You should take it."

You jerked upwards with a shriek, nearly shoving the first aid kit on the floor in your haste to cover your chest. Your shirt had been padded, so you hadn't worried too much about wearing a bra, but now you could very well say that you were regretting that decision now.

Sephiroth sat in the same chair he had before, one ankle crossed over his knee, an insanely long katana balanced on his thighs. He didn't seem particularly bored, or as if he had been waiting long. His cat-eye stare was fixed on your face, watching, waiting for an answer; he didn't even look down at your breasts once. You weren't sure if you should be disappointed, relieved, or both.

You swallowed thickly. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough." He gave you a shrug that seemed entirely out of character for him. "I see you were burned."

"I spilled some tea," you explained quickly, eyebrows furrowed,"but… What are you doing here? I didn't even hear you come inside--"

"I used teleportation materia." He leaned over and plucked a red orb from your letter drawer, rolling it between his fingers. "Your turn."

You huffed and, seeing he wasn't going to look at you in an intimate way anytime soon, went to the bathroom to pull on your robe. It was one you had splurged on at Aerith's urging, saying it was soft and comfortable. You had slept in it on many occasions, sometimes when the weather got too hot or the sun lamps were too concentrated.

With your back turned in the threshold of the bathroom, working furiously at the knot you had tied into the belt, you wouldn't have noticed those green-blue eyes admiring the panes of your back, darting from the back of your neck to the dip in your spine near the hem of your pants.

You finally got the belt untied and pulled on the robe with a grimace, adjusting the tightness so you wouldn't have the fibers sticking to the burn gel. You probably should have put gauze on it or something, but in your panic at seeing Sephiroth and being half naked, you had forgotten all about it.

The robe hung open as a result, but you could easily hide your chest by crossing your arms. When you were satisfied, you turned back and began picking up the burn gel and supplies, tucking them away in the first aid kit.

"You aren't going to take it?"

"Take what?" You asked.

"The Turk's offer."

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" You brushed hair away from your face and sat down parallel to him, reasonably positioned on the edge of your bed. "What Rufus Shinra wants, he gets. He'll make my life a living hell if I don't."

"You could always leave," Sephiroth suggested. "Leave Midgar. I doubt he would follow."

You smiled sadly and looked out your window where Seventh Heaven's lights glowed brightly. You could pick out Tifa and Cloud sitting on the steps, pointing towards Jessie and Wedge who were encouraging Biggs to guzzle a drink. You even saw Marlene and Barret sitting outside as well, but you weren't able to tell what they were doing.

"I can't leave." You stroked the soft cotton of your robe idly. "Even if I wanted to. I have friends here… Friends I consider family. I couldn't leave them like that. It wouldn't be right."

"Then you would have to take the offer," Sephiroth concluded, uncrossing his legs. He left his sword on the chair and approached you, standing uncomfortably close. You edged back and leaned against the window frame to allow him to see outside as well. "Rufus Shinra will go after them if you don't."

"I know. He's smarter than his father, I'll give him that."

"Smarter and nearly twice as clever." He shook his head. "What that Turk said--is it true?"

"What part?" You hummed, watching as Wedge approached Cloud and began talking animatedly. You would get nothing out of being dishonest; he had heard everything, after all. The least you could do was be honest. "The mercenary thing, or…"

"Both. The mercenary part, and Hojo's experiments."

He sounded testy, like he was weighing his options and those options rested on what you told him.

"The mercenary part is simple." You looked at him from underneath your lashes, somewhat startled by the intensity he was looking at you with. You had almost thought he had pilfered your personal files, but it seemed not. He knew as much about you as you did him. "I worked as one for about nine or so years, racked up an ostentatious kill count. Got sick, went to Hojo, and he screwed everything up. I left, he never pursued, to make a long story short. I doubt he even knew what he was doing. He only wanted a test subject."

"I see." Sephiroth went quiet, seemingly content with that answer. "You didn't have to tell me. So, thank you. [Name]."

You couldn't help the butterflies that erupted in your stomach at the sound of your name. It was better than you had imagined it to be. "It was a long time ago. It bothers me sometimes when I don't talk about it."

"Of course. Most things do."

When you looked up, you caught that glimmer in his eye--that spark of life and consciousness that he had never seemed to have before. An awareness of the world, you had to guess, or an appreciation of reality, as if he had come out of a long sleep and was just now seeing things for the first time.

You had to wonder what it was like to be a SOLDIER, to live in that mindset for so long that you couldn't distinguish between yourself and the weapon that you had become. Cloud had certainly struggled with it, but he had Tifa; Sephiroth had no one, would not allow himself to be vulnerable to you in that way. He seemed to be slowly coming out of in all on his own, that dangerous aura receding to allow something genuine and almost pure to rise to the surface: thankfulness.

But with that self awareness came problems. You had to face the bad things you had done and the things you would still do before you ever came to terms with your new existence. You would know; you had spent two years curled up in one of Merle's apartments, only eating, drinking, sleeping, and despairing over your previous actions. The people you had killed.

So you decided to make him an offer, even if he wouldn't accept it.

"Hey," you said, your voice a whisper. Any louder and it might break the silent peace that had developed in the room. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here. I might not know much about SOLDIER stuff, but…" You shrugged awkwardly. "I'll be here."

He didn't smile, but you could see a miniscule grin on his face, just the tiniest pull of his lips. He didn't acknowledge it, though, and continued looking out the window until you slumped against the sill with a yawn, eyes heavy lidded and hazy.

Sephiroth helped you to your bed when you stumbled, pulling the blankets over you when you flopped down onto your pillow with a groan at the pull of the burn on your abdomen.

As you closed your eyes and tried to force yourself to sleep, you felt the feather soft brush of lips on your cheek, felt his breath on your ear as he whispered.

"Thank you."

[fingerboardrhapsodist]

Okay. As much as I can remember, stuck in one spot. Gonna do the one thing to keep length short. Unsure if that works for every variation of connection, but...y'know.

OKAY. So Hojo goes off to his meeting. Me and Aerith sit and chat for a bit. EVENTUALLY Hojo runs by to his shitty perch to watch whatever chaos is going on elsewhere in his lab, which turns out to be Cloud and the others coming to bail Aerith out. They all seem pretty surprised to see me there too, apparently they thought I'd died in the plate falling. Which was terrible and I am not going to think on it ever again after this if I can help it.

So anyways, Hojo dumps some shit on everybody outside the tank while we're stuck watching from the inside, talking shit about how Aerith definitely chose to come here blah blah or are you saying you own her, Cloud and Zack had some colorful shit to say to him that I shall not repeat here for politeness' sake, they straight up wipe the floor with whatever Hojo tosses their way. Looking good while they do it. Hojo starts some monologue shit at Cloud after Cloud threatens to gut him and Hojo gets blasted by something or another in the middle of it and gets basically yote out the door. So Barret breaks the tank's door open which shorts out something but we didn't exactly realize until a few minutes later. Cloud looked like he was having a bit of head trouble after Hojo started his shit, but he recovered fast enough, so nobody really commented on it.

Some dingdongs in armor show up and get their asses beat quite soundly by literally every other person in the room. I get greeted pretty warmly by Zack and Tifa, which is nice. Cloud kinda looks me over a little like he's doing a damage assessment, but otherwise doesn't do much but nod. Aerith and Zack are excited to see each other. Aerith and Cloud and Tifa are excited to see each other. Barret is glad to get to thank Aerith for getting Marlene to safety and pointedly ignores anything going on in my direction. It's nice to see everybody all together and reasonably happy to have survived all of this bullshit of the last...has it only been three days? REALLY three days??

We get started moving. And then there's this pattering of paws and clacking of claws, that I'm the first to notice because I have amazing hearing apparently. And we meet Red! For like fifteen seconds before he tears ass off to try and find Hojo to wreak more havoc on his nads probably. Pops through some of that fucking bulletproof glass like it's NOTHING. Everyone's kinda startled and reminded that we're in the middle of the weasel bastard's lab, Aerith takes off after Red while Barret's just kinda wondering what the fuck is going on.

Follow after Aerith with zero hesitation, get that weird tingly feeling of materia magic healing and I STILL have no fucking clue who cast it because nobody will own up to doing it. It was somebody behind me. Apparently my leg that I broke that Aerith healed up as much as she could was causing a bit of a limp and that was Noted. Anyways, we get up to where Red's trying to give Hojo some nice facial decorations with his claws, Red doesn't get to Hojo in time for it and then turns to look at us because we got him backed into a fucking corner now like some fucking geniuses we are.

Basically everyone else worries we're gonna have to fight the poor bastard, but Aerith just walks up and pats him on the head like she's telling him he's a good boy and Red just goes from 'fuck Hojo and fuck you too if you're in a 30 foot radius around me or him right now' to zen as fuck. Hackles go down, ears relax, shakes stress and anger out of his bones and fur like he's shaking water off him, kinda finds a comfortable way to hold himself for a bit...and Barret goes 'what the hell is that,' like, to everyone else. And Red just goes 'FASCINATING QUESTION' which just. Fucking floors Barret I swear. Little discussion is had, we get his Hojo designation, he dodges questions about another name...

Cloud has some trouble for a bit there. Kind of looked like flash migraines or something? Basically kinda just...passes out. Like one second he's shuffling and everyone's kinda hesitating like 'should we go offer help orrr' and then he's tipping over and everybody scrambles after him like 'SHIT SHIT FUCK' trying to keep him from clonking his head on something. I'm the first one there, because fuck you I'm Sheikah, Zack is second because fuck you he's SOLDIER, Aerith directs us someplace relatively safe for a bit for Cloud to recover. Set him down and get him comfortable there.

Until he was up again, nobody really said anything, just sorta sat there contemplating life choices and wondering if you can die from migraines. A bit of chatter happens when he wakes up, about if Cloud was okay or if he should keep resting, but then we get on the topic of Aerith because Cloud changes subjects with the stealth and smoothness of a handful of gravel to the face. Uh yeah no I'm good no really I'm fine hey Aerith uhhhhh you gotta talk to us some here what aren't you telling us.

Some questions about what she...is, gets asked, and answered to the best of her ability. Entire conversation gets derailed by Barret deciding he's going to start some shit, which everybody has been trying to prevent the entire way up the building. Also apparently we're near the top floor of the massive stupid fucking building. Wondered if I could gravity walk my entire way down the side of the fucker or if I would run out of magic halfway and fucking die by falling the rest.

Basically everybody talks Barret down from the shit and then whatever yote Hojo earlier showed up again apparently. Everyone was talking about them, and they were apparently bothering Aerith, but I could not see shit besides the fact that it looked like there was a breeze from shit circling around her like a tornado and it was whipping her hair and clothes around a little bit.

Barret asked questions and was accidentally rude. Red showed he has an amazing sense of humor while explaining what the fuck was happening in a way that made zero sense to me and I may have to ask for clarification later. The things on the wall flipped on like a slate, and Wedge was in the thing like a video talking to us. Could apparently see and hear and respond to us like in person, though. Was really cool and something I am going to have to weasel out of Purah if I can when I get back home. If I get back.

Anyhow, Wedge apparently had everyone else worried, which made me kind of think maybe he got caught in the plate falling and survived like I did. Which is great odds, by the way, I like Wedge. Guy's a sweetheart. Dude ranks high on the 'people I would kill and/or die for' list. Anyhow, apparently he's in the building, and got there just in time to almost warn us about the building suddenly shaking which very nearly made me shit my pants in fear by the way.

So like...we're talking to him, there's a guy with an absolutely excellent beard and mustache talking, and I am at that unique intersection of exhausted, hungry, amped up on adrenaline, and shocked by the shit I've seen in the last 24 hours that all I hear is the noise of my ears ringing. I could not tell you what he sounded like or give a hint on what he said. I was a thousand paces away in another world staring at the grass or some shit.

Everyone seems ready to head out, so I go ahead and just follow suit because honestly, I have no idea what's been planned or what's going on. I am just...I'm so out of it. We go down and around and everywhere in between to get out, apparently, I don't even fucking know, and while everybody is trying to move something, I hear this weird soft pattering that's just uneven and out of place enough that my brain registers it. So I move my head around about the same time as Zack and Cloud do, because fuck you I am Sheikah and they are SOLDIER, and there's these monster things that are kind of people shaped but wow shit they are fucked up that just crawl out of the woodwork like a nest of mice unearthed because you picked up the board their burrow is placed under.

Beat the shit out of them, went in the tank elevator behind Hojo's close monitoring station. Around this thing. Pretty uneventful. Then good view of the thing in the middle, and just...I know that the thing is important, but absolutely none of what is said registers beyond a few fragments. Cloud starts having problems again, there is just. I get that there was someone there. I know that the others responded somehow, and Cloud was responding in a worrying way. But a lot of that is just...it's like a watercolor painting that hasn't been cured and you just upended a cup of water over it. Everything is blurry, hard for me to parse or find clear detail, but also unevenly so. I can remember some bits of colors, and that they're important. Sounds were...mostly distorted? I have no fucking clue what happened, but the last clear thing I remember for a while is movement, a lot of loud at once, and then just...falling. And then things go dark REAL fast.

No idea how long it took me to wake up, but realized I was laying on the floor and got up all confused for a bit and then realized the place we were earlier is like, several floors up from where I am. I think, anyways, a little hard to figure when there are no actual floors at reasonable height just a bunch of shit on the walls. Can hear combat all over the fucking place, it sounds like everybody got scattered all over the joint and everyone is beating the shit out of SOMETHING.

First person I run into is Tifa. Second is Aerith. Find the others all dealing with a bunch of asshole experiment things and while the girls rain junk down on them, I nail a few with arrows. Almost meet up with em, but there's some fuckshit in the way. Some talking shit happens with another of those two way video things. Hojo starts some shit and we end up having to jump through hoops and murder shit and work some other shit and most of it is boring repeating of 'flipped a switch bigger than we are, fought a thing, got stuck, had to have somebody else go do the thing so find another of those two way video stations and explain we're stuck so it's on you now, wait, repeat.'

I got to help out some with getting across wide gaps, which was cool. Red got dropped onto our level at one point, so we had to go help him. Ran around a lot, killed monsters and monsters and monsters and monsters a lot, flipped switches a lot. More running, more monsters, more switches. The Drum is a lot less interesting than mine is. Thunder Drum could kick that thing's ass anyday.

Apparently Red NEARLY got Hojo's head off his shoulders during all of that. I wish so, so badly that it had. I got new scars after all the shit in the place. Nice long slice down my back, few scratch scars on my right hip, multiple bite marks basically everywhere except vital spots, basically. SOMEHOW managed to keep teeth away from super important areas. I have nO idea how.

There is a lot more to unpack but I don't want to unpack right now so I will file that way for the next breakdown I have because I am a useless piece of shit that is dead weight except when I am awesome or whatever the fuck my brain likes to dunk me into when my emotions take a nosedive. Point I will make is, shit was fucked, and though I may eventually go 'lol fun' at a part or two, I think it will take a long, long time before I can do so. Honestly, anyways. Dishonestly I will do the moment I finish this thing and hit post. Don't you judge me.

Big monster! Beat it up. SO MANY FUCKING MONSTERS. I know I keep saying it and it is probably annoying but holy SHIT. WHY do you NEED SO MANY FUCKING MONSTERS, SIR? The supply was NEVER ENDING. Just when I thought we were going to have enough monster corpses to fill up the whole fucking joint with them, we ran across one BIG fucker at the end. Who I think was actually mostly mechanical instead of some horrible flesh sculpture. Then everybody got reunited after Aerith nearly crushed Cloud, Zack and Barret with a big round door. Lots of cheerfulness after that, I said, sarcastically, to indicate the opposite in fact: things were kinda awkward for two seconds and then there was two seconds of okay lol cool and then back to business we went to get the fuck out of Hojo's Happy Nightmare Land.

We finally. FINALLY got to the top. Back to where The Thing In The Tank I Should Know Words About But Don't was. And the tank was popped and the thinger is gone. Lots of mess spattered about. Everyone is weirded the FUCK out and cautious. Get out the door. And shit is just...dead fucking silent for a while. Only thing we hear besides our own heartbeats and panicked breathing is our fucking footsteps, okay?

Go through some doors and kind of up some stairs, and I start hearing something. Faint as fuck to start. Then as everyone else starts to register it, I realize what it is. Somebody yelling for help. Brain kicked into helper mode at that point, but, uh...well. I kind of couldn't really brain well enough to figure out how to help this guy I didn't know up from hanging over what amounts to a two minute free fall. Every option that popped into my head was dismissed because I could see outcomes where I slipped, he slipped, something bad happen very bad do not. Barret just reaches down and grabs this dude to yank his ass up and starts on the most fucking amazing, badass words I have ever heard from somebody who was not my brother. My brother has had lifetimes to come up with this shit and hold on to it for a rainy day. But the line Barret said just slapped me and called me a bitch. It bought me fucking dinner before how fucked my brain got by it, I was SO fucking tickled, okay.

So we get this guy who is apparently the one guy I initially said I would gut for wrecking shit, and we get him AWAY from death. We follow him on his jittery dash into the building again. And the dude just sort of flips a switch somewhere to go from terrified old man who is generally harmless to 'I am going to make your life suck more in the next two seconds than it has the rest of the time you have been or will be alive, mostly because you will not be alive in the next few seconds' type of fuckery looking asshole. Points some shit at Barret, talks some shit, basically calls him a fucking idiot for not just chucking his ass off the top of the building. Which I'm starting to agree with at this point because old man what the fuck is wrong with you.

And then just....I don't remember. So much here. I remember that the old man bitch was just....suddenly dead, and Barret got dropped, and then I just sort of woke up on the floor later. Everyone was more tired, Barret looked pretty bad but was still around, we made our way out the door again and one of those metal things was gonna land and it just fucking...it almost hit me, I swear to fuck. It exploded.

Then on comes this other fucking metal flying thing. Out steps somebody whose name was probably said but my memory is still kinda fuzzy and I did not have a lot of time to parse anything. All I got was after a bit, it's time for everyone to run, we get a distance away and I register kind of off in the distance somehow that Cloud and Zack aren't there. And then Tifa just fucking vanishes after my brain makes that connection. So it's like...where the fuck are half of us. I promised I would keep some folks among the living, I am going to catch hands if I let some shit happen to them now.

And of course, before I can do much on that track, the ground under me starts moving because wait shit we were in an elevator, we are suddenly getting shot at, and I have to somehow focus enough to murder some shit and not die and maybe keep these others from dying too. And then falling. And then more oh shit oh fuck the shooting is back.

And then the funniest exchange I have ever had a part in. I don't know why I can remember this so well but it fucking tickles me, okay. This fucking bitch standing there like he's important starts with his superior 'lol who are these losers' shit. Barret, all serious, says he's from AVALANCHE, then around the time Aerith pipes up literally a quarter second later my brain goes 'time to be a bastard man' and it's already working on what mine will be, but Aerith goes 'local florist!' and I can tell Red is powering the FUCK up to just floor me so I get my 'mute asshole with magic' shit in while I still can, RIGHT before he opens his mouth to go 'LAB RAT DOG' and I CAN NOT even take this shit seriously with like thirty weapons pointed at us I just fucking start wheezing so hard it sounds like a pelican choking on a coconut.

I don't have time to recompose myself before Tifa pops in with the truck, Cloud and Zack absolutely blow me away with their motorcycles, and I get shoved into the back of the truck next to Barret and Red before they take off because I am so out of it anymore I just can't do some of this shit on my own anymore.

I get a little break at the start when we take off out of the place and finally get on the high road and can clear my head enough to actually start processing shit like a normal people again. Can finally see what the fuck is circling the building, whatever they are called, and just...I don't know what they are, the words for them, any of that. I just know those are the things that abducted Hojo and did the weird 'something invisible hit me and I fell down' shit before.

So like...there's a lot of other motorcycles with dillweeds on them so Barret and I snipe a few when we can safely do so. It's pretty rare because Cloud and Zack are all over the place on their motorcycles, but we do get a few great shots in, including mine where my arrow hit right in front of this guy on the seat and would have hit him if it was like half an inch further and he fucking pissed himself and crashed.

And then that big.....robot fucker. Who I couldn't reliably hit without endangering Cloud or Zack or the rest of us because of the chance of rebounding scrap or arrow fragments, much less a miss. Got to thunder it once we got to the end of the line, though. Lightning spell to the eyes always seems to work with tech.

I...remember there being something after this and before the next part. But it's just...a lot of it is a blur, or missing like someone tore pages out of a book I haven't read before but left a few little scraps here and there, fragments with a name and a snippet of information that I can't quite piece into a whole picture. I remember that afterwards it started to feel like the inside of my skull was scraped and raw, the backs of my eyes aching and so, so bad. And then we were just...back by the truck and motorcycles. It was like I had a big sheet of heavy cloth hung over me that muffled everything and blocked it out, and then suddenly it got yanked back and everything was too bright, too intense, and then it slowly just backed down to tolerable. To where I could see again, hear again. Things made sense again.

And then...it was time to go down. Start moving forward. Cloud and Tifa refused to break the truck or motorcycle by driving it off the high road, but Zack just went 'haha watch this' and jumped it down and I swear everyone else had a mini heart attack but it made it down okay. I have no fucking clue how. I can't replicate it. I don't want to try.

And then...we walked. Until it got to a point it was safe to stop, they felt. And then I got the pot down and food started, and I just...I thought I was going to close my eyes for a second, and then I woke up to Tifa saying she wasn't sure how to do what was needed for the food because it's not her setup and whatnot, so I showed her, and then dozed off again, and woke up again and just...food. And then more sleep. And now I'm here, writing all of this out for you to read, while I struggle to keep everything in generally the correct order and figure out how the fuck to handle the things that I can't explain or name happening.

And I am exhausted. We have a few hours before it's time to get moving again, and I am not on watch, so I am going to crash for a bit longer. I will respond later if anybody has questions or whatever.

[bloodfcst-a]

alright, so. i beat remake last weekend, but i didn’t want to come out with my newfound yufi information + meta right off the bat. i think this is an appropriate time to do so now, though. naturally, i’ll tag as spoilers, but if you need anything else, let me know.

also, my verdict? i am so glad i went into this blind, without any hype or expectations or people from fandom whining about it. yet again, i am so happy + i had an incredibly joyous experience.  this game fed me + also took over my life in a way i’ve not been possessed in some time so like......... good for it.

also no, i truly don’t miss hearing everyone’s hullabaloo +  i don’t wanna hear ur complaints of “ it didn’t say when part 2 is ” so like miss me with that. 

also warning: if u didn’t know already, fandom is WILD towards y.uffie for some reason and i also addressed that, so like if you’re from vii fandom u might seriously wanna read this bc... it’ll be pertinent to u understanding my feelings behind it.  i did address some questionable topics like the underaged oversexual portrayal + beastality that’s popular for her and i am NOT HERE FOR IT so if u came for that................. issa no from me dawg. when i say unbearable.... i mean it. fandom grossed me out. y’all wild.

anyway. thoughts below !

some things that were CONFIRMED for me were:

> midgar is lax around its anti-wutai rhetoric in its most important parts ( namely, hq, wall market, and avalanche ). for propaganda’s sake among the common people, it stands to create a united front. but in consumerism & in strength, they consider the wutai equals just as anyone else. 

see: tseng in the turks; madam m in wall market; the supplier for avalanche.

i would even argue that sector 5 / wall market is the safest place in midgar for wutaians, given don corneo’s obvious fetishism ( and that really............. isn’t saying a lot ).

i’m not going to entertain that it’s an “ admiration for culture and architecture ” in true weeaboo fashion given that of all positions he could give madam m to hold, her duties are to screen women that would be appealing to his aesthetic and to run a massage parlor where the highest bidder gets to have a happy ending. she is literally the “ asian parlors are actually fronts for brothels ” stereotype except in this sex trade, all women go to don corneo. i will have no apologists in this house. 

i have more developing thoughts on madam m like how she might be doing the sex trafficking part in her own self-interest / as a type of self-preservation, like the don might say “ well if u don’t want to be a wife then u better find some for me ” but... 1) this isn’t the post for that and 2) that logic does not explain why chocobo sam and andrea rhodea are also apart of the ring. but in my opinion, you can tell she’s not crazy about it bc as soon as aerith mentions it to her she becomes so wildly upset that she breaks character. i don’t think she’s a sell out. i think she’s an exploited and fetishized woman in a tough place, and i feel for her.

despite this, it’s clear that because of his obvious ‘ preference �� they’re [ wutaians ] held at a higher standard ( i.e., he doesn’t dispose of madam m immediately like he does with every other woman who is unfortunate enough to meet him ), so i’m willing to go out on a limb and say despite the high amount of shinra foot traffic that goes through wall market ( and we know this bc everybody who is everybody from SOLDIERS to Turks go to honeybee inn ), a wutaian would probably be fine there.

> wutai is the strongest world power by natural means. without SOLDIER s & g programs, midgar’s biggest claim to fame is to reach first-world status as a metropolis by siphoning mako via its reactors. without its reactors, the whole town would either be: 1) slums, like below the plate; or 2) as common as every other area in the nearby vicinity ( i.e., kalm, costa del sol, nibelheim ). by siphoning mako energy, midgar truly is unnatural, so... hm... 

corel could have been a contender ‘cause they use fossil fuels ( and look at how successful gold saucer is! ), but the failed reactor really threw them out the loop. costa del sol + icicle inn are both partially shin-ra owned / managed, so i’m not counting them.

> infiltrating midgar / shinra isn’t difficult. nor is navigating throughout the sectors. while there is the mention of the ID scan on the trains, we see this is not applicable on foot ( freely able to walk through sectors 5, 6, 7, and 8 as party; jessie + co are able to go above the plate to go to her parents’ house despite already being listed as AVALANCHE and that their fake IDs had already expired ). given that yufi entirely travels on foot because of her airsickness / motion sickness, she’d be undetectable. also note that the first 59 floors of shinra hq by stairwell are not monitored... and neither was the front door, so she could easily sneak in whenever the need called for it.

> established multiple points of contact between rufus + yufi ( and by extension, the turks + yufi ). i’m really going into this in the next section ‘cause... their dynamic became so much more interesting. but we already know that at minimum, there was contact bc she had the phs rufus had provided to godo + was using it to communicate with zack for treasure.... but let me hold off on this bc there’s one more thing i want to add here.

regarding the turks: it’s established that even if a person is someone of interest to shin-ra, they won’t necessarily act on attacking or abducting immediately ( see: aerith ). we already know they’ve known yufi since she was a child, and if they’re working with rufus they’d know what she looked like as she aged, so the excuse of “ she looks different than when they worked with her in wutai ” is out the window. it’s more than likely that they’re enabling her to continue her business with rufus + have probably assisted her with not being caught. 

> yufi’s clothes are absolutely normal for her age. it always annoyed me that somehow tifa’s clothing was like considered “ impractical but acceptable ” because she’s a legal adult and because cishet men were too drawn to the boobies to complain. but then yufi was either like HELLA sexualized as a minor ( the amount of ecchi / hentai that exists of underage y.uffie despite there being of-age content [ i.e., her portrayals in advent children + dirge of cerberus ] is.......................................... ridonk ) OR she was like hella slut-shamed and i’m out here like.... hello??? what kinda anti-wutai rhetoric is this? anyway. i’d like to call attention to kyrie, who looks like she’s wearing like 60% of y.uffie’s dirge of cerberus outfit. if anything, this only reinforces that yufi’s fashion choices are.......... legit normal, age appropriate, and anyone who wants to argue otherwise can shut the fuck up.

if you’re really gonna ask “ how come her shorts are unbuttoned ” like go check your privilege. the short answer is probably that rufus stole all of her damn belts to make into his coat. the long answer is that a youth traveling the world SOLO she is probably slim on money to be frequently shopping for clothes ? and the clothes that are available in the slums vs on the plate are probably not great quality ( idk if y’all have ever shopped at a freesized open market before but like... buttons pop off INSTANTLY sometimes and those seams will tear if u stretch the wrong way. like fast fashion but like........ hella wild ). she could find better clothes above the plate, but given the anti-wutai rhetoric up there... probably not a wise choice. 

since you’re looking at her outfit anyway.. can i bring your attention to her sweater, and have you note that it’s made of the same material as cloud’s? i.e., she’s wearing shin-ra/SOLDIER brand quality? ( need further proof that it’s SOLDIER? zack and angeal wear the same one ) probably gotten from either a trip to hq or........ someone on the inside............ but obviously cropped to fit her. she might’ve even had it for some time. now let’s keep looking.... i’m willing to bet the latter, and here’s why! ( prepare for galaxy brain time )

now for standard SOLDIERS, they’re assigned colors. we know third class / infantrymen are blue; second class are burgundy / red ( think kunsel ); and black / dark blue for first class. don’t nobody wear green.... in this whole damn universe.... as a main character.... except child y.uffie. HMMMMM. here’s the sweater again to compare. 

i’m just saying.

now, the ideas INTRODUCED to me were:

> there is only one AVALANCHE, but it is splintered into different factions.

now i always wondered like, how come they just picked up the name AVALANCHE when it was established already. like idk i don’t think people would be like “ ah yes we’re the n.azis and we’re different than the other ones, but we wanna evoke the same fear ” u know what i mean?? usually u would carry the same ideology... but it was always so apparent that barret held different views and goals than elfe, so i was always so confused.

but not anymore. now it’s established that they’re the same group, begun in midgar + just carrying out different methods of “ fuckin’ shit up for the shin-ra ” over the last 10 years, spreading the word about the danger of reactors + it’s suckin’ up the lifeblood of the planet to anyone who would hear. now that makes sense. in the same chapter that this is established, however, they also claim...

> yufi as a benefactor to AVALANCHE.

now this shit had me like AAAAAAAAH. now there is no damn way you and i played the same game if u didn’t see this. they literally say “ AVALANCHE is being provided weapons by someone to fuck shit up, in return for all the materia in midgar. ”

who would want all the materia in midgar? HMMMMMMMMM.

> with that point established, let’s go back to rufus + yufi having multiple points of contact. so i already introduced the idea that rufus clearly has to have contact with yufi bc he’s the one spouting all the secrets to shinra treasure via the PHS. and yufi has claimed ownership of the phone by literally labeling it as “ treasure princess ” so there is no question that he thinks he’s talking to godo versus yufi. 

but we also know that rufus is the person behind AVALANCHE. my man has TIME on house arrest, obviously. we also know that he’s on house arrest in junon, not midgar. now, if he’s out here giving them logistics like places to go to spout their rhetoric, and yufi is providing weapons ( remember, wutai is the strongest power by natural means, and apparently hq is free real estate to explore, so she’s got multiple ways to provide gear without it being an inconvenience to her ), so it’s.........pretty obvious to say that the way she would go in connection to AVALANCHE would be through rufus. also, remember she has bad blood with AVALANCHE because of their actions in wutai, so... she’s not gonna be keen about them anyway. it seems much more practical for someone who already views them ( and tbh, lots of people ) as tools ( rufus vc: “ i own you ” ) to accomplish one’s tasks to help her connect with meeting her own goals ( “ all the materia in midgar ” ).

this would also explain why yufi is found hanging outside junon.

if you opted to grab her outside nibelheim... you might argue that it’s because nibelheim is obviously suspicious + truly the evidence at how shady shin-ra is, given the whole place was rebuilt + is filled with actors to hide the fact that the whole place burned to the ground + was once the site of jenova + currently remains the site as hojo’s secondary lab + other secret, vincent valentine with the protomateria slumbering. she could have been tipped off by rufus as “ there’s another treasure here ” but like... there’s no way she would have known it was vincent. even zack is like “ idk wtf is happening here so i’mma leave this alone. ”

also, i love that rufus uses “ heir to the throne ” verbage, which is so akin to yufi also being “ heir to the throne ” & look at them: spiteful children rebelling against their useless ass dads to create new world order + to destroy the old shin-ra company.  i love that for them.

so in conclusion........ this game FED ME. god i wanna play it again and again. i beat it on normal and got everything except 1 treasure and 1 task from chadley. i also need to do all the combat simulators. but given i did what i could in.... 3.5 days, i’m not too upset by it. this game has so much replay value and... i can say i’m glad i bought it twice.

g.amestop give me my freaking shinra badge i’ve damn well earned it.

oh and two more things going forward:

> nanaki continues to sound old as hell. which duh, given advent children. but u know how they established him as a young teen in the og + so it made sense for y.uffie and nanaki to be friends ‘cause they were mentally the same age? i don’t...... see how that works now. 

also.....y’all could have missed me with this shit already but STOP SHIPPING HIM WITH YUFI. NOW UR ONLY ARGUMENT IS GONE. STOP. i saw some art of nanaki & y.uffie fucking in the tags + floating around google and i was like....... WHY!!! and then there’s also weird hybrid art like what if they had a kid or something and i just........  STOP.

i have flashbacks of when i first started writing on tumblr + how i was bombarded by furries wanting to fuck bc of this. like deadass king dedede from kirby. later on i also saw sonic & even alligators ( not an alligator man.... tho i did see king k. rool + donkey kong as well........ i hated y’all for a hot minute ). it’s not even “ monster fucking ” it’s bestiality and I’M BEGGING YOU TO STOP. y’all can truly MISS ME WITH THIS.

however, u know, bigby wolf + everyone from castlevania could easily get it. stardust platinum where ya at. if i had to pick it would be....... more humanoid than a penguin or a “ lab rat dog ” u feel? 

> i am not crazy about y.uffentine. look. i know it exists. i know it was big bc fandom was like “ optional character ship ftw! ” + then dirge of cerberus came out and y’all went wild ( to be fair, i get it, it was the only ship outside of NANAKI and BEING KIDNAPPED/ASSAULTED BY SHINRA SOLDIERS AS A CHILD that people could feasibly comprehend for y.uffie for some reason............................................................... it was an actually “ NORMAL ” person........ ) but like. i’m sorry. it’s not doin it for me. i’ve seen like two other y.uffie blogs out here that actually stick to canon so like if u want your y.uffentine that bad, like maybe ask them. but please don’t ask me. 

ok i’m done for real now! thanks for reading !

[nautilusopus]

The Number I

Chapter 22: Oh Hey There's No Flashbacks In This One

And here we are in act two! I suppose we've reached another period of the calm before the storm.

I can't say much yet, so I won't.

Thank you to @cateringisalie and @limbostratus for going over this mess with me, and to @farfromdaylight for helping me make sure this thing is readable in the first place.

There are holes in the world, and spaces between numbers. Neither should exist. Cloud starts noticing them, and he isn’t the only one who has. And unfortunately for him, he’s both. (Contains graphic depictions of violence.)

Tifa had been lying in bed, rereading the documents Reno had recovered for her without really processing any of it. It had been nearly a day since she'd found his remains splattered all over the walls of that train car in the ruins. She thought about calling Reeve, before remembering that there wasn't a lot he could do, and that he was probably under observation anyway. Barret had gone back home to work on the next part of their plan and look after Marlene. Cid had left for Rocket Town as well for similar reasons, but that only left her, Yuffie, Jessie, and Nanaki in Edge. Yuffie at least was still here with her. Neither one of them had made any official decisions on what to do with the information they'd gotten yet. She flipped through the files again, hoping something would jump out at her again.

Reunion. She knew what that was. The regeneration, she knew that too. Weird biology. Dead and alive. Parasitic. Self-replicating. Hallucinations... Cloud always talked about singing, but she wasn't sure that was really a hallucination, just something only he could hear. Perhaps that was the same thing? She tried to recall the things she'd heard him mutter before. It couldn't all be nonsense, surely?

She was startled out of her train of thought by a noise.

It was a low-pitched noise, she dimly noted, staring drowsily at the wall. Not the same as a phone vibrating. She wasn't sure who would be calling her anyway. It wasn't a quiet noise either. She was pretty sure it was a loud one. Actually, a really loud one. The dishwasher was still running, maybe. That was odd. She didn’t remember putting in any dishes. And if she had, they’d be done by now. Maybe it was just her phone after all. But now that she thought about it, it couldn’t be, because that she definitely wasn't the only person that heard it, if Yuffie's startled yelp in the other room was any indication.

The noise was a fucking bomb, actually.

She sat straight up, fumbling for any sort of blunt instrument she could use to fend off whatever had tried to blow her up, before realising that if it were anywhere near where she was she'd probably be dead already.

Maybe it wasn't even a bomb, she considered, as she leaned out the window and saw a thin plume of smoke rising into the air. It hadn't quite sounded like one. Then she noted the location -- it was coming from the direction of the WRO headquarters.

Cloud had broken out. She was sure of it.

She tumbled out of bed and ran for the couch downstairs, nearly crashing into Yuffie already halfway up the steps.

"He --"

"Yeah, definitely," said Yuffie breathlessly. "Should we --"

"Don't know. He'll probably come here first, right?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. Do you think they'd come here looking for him?"

Tifa bit her lip. "I... they probably will. Dammit, I knew we should've built a hidden basement in this one too..." She began to pace nervously. "We've gotta -- we've gotta hide him?"

"Where?" asked Yuffie. "They're obviously gonna look for him here soon, if they aren't on their way already. They'll -- Tifa?"

Tifa had already vaulted to her feet, racing for the documents Reno had smuggled out for her that she'd left on her bedside table. She snatched them up, then jogged back downstairs to retrieve the miniature cooler packed with ice. She sealed the papers in a plastic bag and stuffed it into the cooler roughly.

"We definitely need to hide this, if they're coming over here," said Tifa. "The only leg up we have on them right now is that Reno was -- gods, do you think they know he's dead yet?"

"Shit. Maybe? I don't know, there's a lot going on and... shit, how many people do you think Cloud killed just getting out? Smart money's on 'all of 'em.'"

"Maybe they won't notice for a while," said Tifa.

"Rude will. Or Elena or something. Do you think they'd go to the cops?"

"No idea." Tifa opened one of the ovens in the back and yanked out the oven racks before stuffing the cooler into it. She opened another oven next to it and reinstalled the racks into the second one. "Don't let me forget which one that is," she said.

"It's not like we can go back for the body," said Yuffie. "And in the meantime they'll just ask more questions... do you think he had a girlfriend?"

"Probably at least one," said Yuffie. "We can't worry about that now. We don't know if that thing is still there, and anyone we tell might think we did it, and..."

She sighed heavily. "Reno was right. Something's going on here. I just -- I don't know what. None of the pieces go together." She sank onto a stool and began fixing herself a drink. "What do you think that thing was, anyway?"

"I didn't get a good look at it," said Yuffie, now expectantly looking out the windows that hadn't been boarded up. "Too busy running."

"It... it looked like the air was... broken," she said. "It looked wrong -- I mean... it felt like it looked wrong. It didn't actually look like anything. I could only see where it wasn't, and that's also where it was at the same time." She paused. "At least, I'm pretty sure that's what did it. It... it was weird. We never heard him scream or anything. He must not have seen it coming."

"...Do you think Cloud might've had something to do with it?" suggested Yuffie, looking at Tifa as though expecting to be punched for suggesting it.

"What?"

"It sounds an awful like the sort of thing he or... or Sephiroth could do," said Yuffie. "The not-magic stuff. Something being there in a way it shouldn't be. Every time something like that happened, it was always... well..." Yuffie paused, uncertain of what to actually call the strange set of phenomena that seemed to follow Cloud and Sephiroth around. The things just a bit stranger than moving something without touching it. Things nobody should have been able to do. "I mean, they never did like each other in the first place. The timing's pretty convenient, too."

"Maybe," she said noncommittally. She took a few large swallows of her beer.

She didn't even know the explosion was Cloud for sure, either. She didn't know anything. She plucked the phone behind the bar out of its cradle and dialed his number, waiting with bated breath. If he were out, he would take his phone with him, wouldn't he? Unless he were smart enough to leave something that could be so easily bugged behind. Unless he didn't consider it. Unless he did take it, and there were no bugs. Unless, unless, unless.

Cloud's voice sounded through the tiny speaker after the sixth ring, and her heart skipped a beat.

"Strife Delivery and Repair. I can't come to the phone right now, so, uhhhhhhh... just leave your name and phone number, and I'll, um. I'll call --"

Tifa hung up without bothering to leave a message, tossing the phone aside in frustration. Then she stared at it for a while longer. Perhaps she could call Rude? Maybe Rude would know something, somehow? Or maybe Cid would know something about all of this -- he'd recognised those holes in the wall after all, and...

Worthless. All of it, worthless, and in the meantime she just had to sit here as everyone she knew just bled out somewhere while she just sipped her beer.

Tifa drained her glass with a few deep chugs. Yuffie watched her worriedly for a few moments, then sighed and poured her own drink.

The radio sitting on the back counter was off, but she watched the little digital clock display slowly tick by. One hour. Two hours. Three. She had done something very much like this three years ago -- waiting for a knock at the door, assuring her that Cloud would come back, that there was a perfectly rational reason for him to not be answering his phone, and dreading in the back of her mind that she would never see him again --

Yuffie suddenly tensed up next to her, and a second later she realised why. Cars, fast approaching them.

It was a government car, from the looks of it, that pulled up in front of the bar a few minutes later. They really had coopted everything, then. The WRO, the police... she stared at the door for a while as a professionally-dressed woman knocked on the door. She didn't really want to answer it, but they still hadn't fixed the windows yet. She didn't want them kicking down her door as well.

"Can I help you?" she said politely as she pulled open the door. "I was just about to get to bed."

As expected, they filed inside. "Ma'am, forgive the intrusion, but we have reason to believe you're harbouring a fugitive."

"I don't recall giving you permission to be here," said Tifa flatly. The idea was just to make things frustrating for them. She figured they'd probably let themselves in regardless, given the circumstances. If Cloud were to flee to anywhere, it'd be here.

So then where was he?

They began to search the house. She forced herself to not even think about the oven.

"What fugitive would you happen to be looking for?" she asked. "This is just a bar --"

"Approximately three hours ago, Cloud Strife escaped federal custody, injuring fourteen officers in the process," said the woman. "We have reason to believe he may have chosen to hide himself here. You're a close associate of his, are you not?"

"He's not here," snapped Tifa, even as she felt something in her chest clench upon hearing it confirmed. "I haven't seen him since you dragged me off the last time."

"Miss Lockhart, we need you to be cooperative. It's vital for both his and the public's safety that we recover him as soon as possible."

"Well, he's not here," said Tifa. "See for yourself."

"Do you know anywhere he could potentially be hiding?" said the woman, this time turning to Yuffie. "Is it possible he may have fled to Wutai?"

"I don't see that happening, unless you know how he somehow wound up on the other side of the world in the span of three hours," said Yuffie flatly, as the men that had been with her came back from downstairs, pistols still drawn.

Something flashed across the woman's face. "Well... yes, naturally. I suppose you're right. If you do see or hear from him, please call this number immediately," she said, handing her a card. "As we mentioned before, he's very ill. We're only here to help."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Tifa coldly as she led them out to the door.

"So --" Yuffie began, before Tifa shot her a glare and held her hand up to her lips. She ripped off a piece of paper from the receipt printer and wrote BUGS on it, then showed it to Yuffie.

"...I guess this means he's okay," finished Yuffie, tapping her wrist.

ONE HOUR, wrote Tifa. "Yeah. I'm not too worried. We all know he's had worse."

"Anyway," said Yuffie. "Like I said before, I've been thinking about getting a cat. There are a whole bunch on the cat side of town. I might just take one from there if I can find one that likes me."

"Does nobody live in those buildings yet?" asked Tifa, doing her best to sound interested.

"Not yet. I'm thinking, like... a tabby, maybe? Or one of those really big fluffy ones. They're technically an invasive species from Nibel, but they look so dignified."

The wait was agonising as they pretended to talk about cats. She let Yuffie do most of the talking, since that was always something she'd been good at, but she could hear the stress of the wait cutting into her voice as well. Frequently she found herself checking the radio as the numbers slowly, slowly counted up more and more.

The minute she was certain it had been long enough, she immediately strode over to the phone and began dialing a number.

The first call went to voicemail. The second time, Jessie picked up, already sounding panicked.

"Why are you calling this late? Is he dead? Gods, he's dead isn't he, I shoulda --"

"Nobody's dead, Jessie," said Tifa as calmly as she could. "I've just been having a really hard day. I thought we could talk about it."

"Talk? What -- Tifa, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, as she motioned to Yuffie to check upstairs, just in case. "Just... it's really lonely here, you know? Maybe you could stop by and visit. Yuffie and I are here. Maybe you could make us something to eat. Show off a new recipe or something."

"...Yeah? What are you in the mood for?" said Jessie slowly. She was a terrible cook. They all knew that. It was one of the first things they'd bonded over.

"Something fancy," said Tifa. "I dunno if I'll have all the ingredients here that I'd need, and I don't want to screw anything up by just trying it myself."

"You got it," said Jessie. "Lemme get dressed. I'll be there soon."

Fortunately, Jessie lived close enough by to where Tifa didn't have to wait for too long. She did not say a word as she arrived, instead setting her bag down on the couch and removing an old, battered bug detector she'd had since joining Avalanche. Nobody dared to speak as they watched her slowly move from room to room. Eventually she picked up the wall phone in Cloud's room and began slowly dismantling it.

In the end, she removed a very small microphone and shorted it out with a quick spark, and Tifa let out the breath she'd been holding for the last fifteen minutes.

"Give it here," said Yuffie. "I wanna be sure."

Jessie obliged, and Yuffie set the microphone on the floor and crushed it under her heel.

"Okay, so first of all, you're gonna tell me why your damn phones were bugged, and then you're gonna tell me why you called me this late, and --"

"You didn't hear?" said Tifa puzzledly.

"You know I don't keep up with the news, Tifa --"

"No, I mean... literally. You didn't hear that explosion a couple hours ago? Get a visit from the WRO or or the feds or anything?"

"...There was an explosion?"

"How did you not notice?" said Yuffie, staring at her in disbelief.

"I was asleep," said Jessie, sounding rather irritated. "So, no, I didn't notice any explosions of anything. What -- "

"Cloud got out," said Tifa, finally growing impatient, "and the WRO or... or whoever's running the WRO, I guess, showed up here, and they're looking for him."

"...Oh."

"But that's all we know," she continued. "Nobody knows where he is. The feds that were just here seemed to imply he'd be on the other side of the world by now, so there's something they're not telling us, but nobody has anyway of contacting him right now."

"Except --" added Yuffie.

"-- except that Aeris woman, yeah," said Tifa. "If we can just -- just reach her or something... so, that's the plan."

"That barely counts as a plan," said Jessie, looking unimpressed.

"I know, but it's all we've got right now. Short of tracking him down ourselves on foot."

"Well, why not?" said Jessie. "We've done it before, remember?"

"That's when we had a compass," said Yuffie. "Nobody left magically knows where Cloud is anymore."

"We've got Nanaki. He's tracked stuff before," said Jessie.

"Not across the entire world," said Tifa. "Which -- I don't know, maybe he's still in Edge. He wouldn't just... leave, would he?" Even when he'd had the 'stigma, he'd stuck close by in the ruins, apparently unable to bring himself to abandon everything entirely. Cloud, who couldn't stand being alone, who'd latched onto her and Barret and the rest of Avalanche...

What could he possibly have to run to?

"I'm gonna miss these things," said Aeris, popping an allsort into her mouth for what was to be the last time for a while.

Two days, she'd been undergoing extensive training. Day one was nothing she hadn't covered before in the lead-up to this -- mostly just how to move around in the suit. Now that they knew they wouldn't be dealing with any extremes of heat or cold, she didn't have to wear as much of it as before, but there were still quite a lot of things to get used to. A single stray microbe could kill either her or Cloud instantly if one of them didn't have any natural immunity to it. Tseng and Lazard had drilled that into her about a hundred times by now, and even though it had even been switched on yet, the thing in the centre of the sixth ring still made her anxious just looking at it, as though it were contaminated already.

Day two had been discussing diplomatic etiquette. Things she was and wasn't supposed to do. She'd exchanged a few questioning looks from Zack during this time, knowing she'd probably wind up discarding a lot of it due to extenuating circumstances.

She'd gone over their "plan" with him briefly. Officially, all they were supposed to be doing was talking things out with whatever government had Cloud in custody and would hope that'd be enough. The idea was to not say anything that could get her shot. Unofficially...

"Maybe you could steal a... key, or something?" said Zack. "Though you're not exactly inconspicuous, what with the suit and all."

"I don't know if they'd allow me access to him, if they won't even let his family in," said Aeris.

"We'll think of something when we get there, right?"

"Maybe. I don't know." She sat down in the chair they'd wheeled up next to the rats, where Zack had decided to say goodbye. Tomorrow they were sending the first one through to see if it lived.

You really shouldn't be encouraging this, she thought, as she watched him attempt to stick his finger into the cage. She couldn't stand the thought of petting something either Tseng or Zack would wind up killing, depending on which stage of the project it lived to.

"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" said Zack. "Bit late for that."

"No," she said decisively. "This was the entire point of going through all this, remember?"

Zack merely shrugged. "Awful lot of trouble considering you'll just wind up in a cell too. When you get there, I mean."

"Well, that's what you're here for," said Aeris, still watching him pet one of the rats. Something suddenly occurred to her.

"Why don't we just bring him with us when I leave?" said Aeris.

Zack stared at her. "I'm sure the higher-ups will just love that. 'Don't mind us, we just brought back a fucking alien with us. Have fun figuring out the logistics of any of this.'"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Aeris, even doing nothing is a better idea than that. I mean... for starters, what would he eat?"

"He's human-adjacent. I had a turkey sandwich while I was over there."

"You heard Tseng, though, about the microbes. Just... look, after we get the first couple trips out of the way... maybe. Remember, this stuff is still technically CERN's. They've been keeping tabs on all of this. And there's everyone's respective governments to consider. I mean --"

Zack paused, then shrugged again. "...You get the picture. There's just too much going on, and right now we don't know for 100% sure that he'll survive the trip. Let's just... see how the rats do."

There was so much waiting involved in all of this. Waiting on approval from CERN, waiting on test results, waiting on computer simulations, waiting to see if Cloud was still coherent... she didn't sleep much that night and was up early the next day -- the day she was meant to move into the sixth ring in preparation for the trip. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she strode to the fifth ring for some last minute prep work on her own time while everyone was still asleep. Time had lost much of its meaning, with them spending this much time indoors, but it seemed to be very early in the morning.

She was surprised to see Zack already there, his face lit by the computer screen he was staring at with a blank expression. He didn't acknowledge her right away.

"...Zack?"

He jumped a bit, glancing nervously at her, before returning his gaze to the screen.

"Zack? Is something wrong?"

He didn't say anything. Not right away.

"I... this got sent this morning," he said, swallowing. His eyes darted between her and the screen. "I just read it now."

"Zack?"

She leaned over his shoulder, reading the email that had apparently been sent an hour and a half ago.

[This notice, addressed to the Gainsborough Extraplanar Research Team, is to inform you of an important staff change or changes which are to be implemented immediately.]

There has been a last minute staff change with regards to the second phase of the project. We have written to inform you that Dr. Zachary Fair will be embarking to the discovered universe in place of Dr. Aeris Gainsborough. Dr. Fair has proved to be an excellent addition to the team and it is of the opinion of the Board of Directors that he possesses the skillset necessary to carry out the second phase to the satisfaction of the research team.

Dr. Fair has contributed greatly to the project and the second phase of the project would not be possible without his hand in designing the facility, ad has been committed to this endeavour from day one. We therefore can think of no one else better suited to test it out.

Dr. Gainsborough has been invaluable to the project, having created much of the framework for it from the ground up. Her contributions are vital to the field that she herself pioneered. While we have the utmost confidence in Dr. Fair's own research, Dr. Gainsborough has been deemed too vital to the future of the project should any unexpected incidents occur.

We hope you will all join us on congratulating Dr. Fair on his outstanding performance and contributions and wishing him the best of luck in the coming days.

Best Regards,

Agnès Moreaux

Director-General

"...I didn't know," said Zack. "I swear to you, I didn't know."

Aeris didn't say anything in reply. Her mouth suddenly felt dry.

"I -- I'm sorry," he said.

Aeris turned and walked back out of the fifth ring.

"I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't fucking know! You think this was my idea?!" Zack shouted after her, before he was cut off by the door sealing shut behind her.

She went back to her room and did not come out, even as she heard the others beginning to wake. She dug her nails into her pillow and bit back the urge to scream. She knew it was dreadfully unprofessional, to be acting like this, and that sooner or later she'd have to go back out and direct her project lest she face an HR complaint and be removed from it altogether, an outcome that she was suddenly reminded was entirely within the realm of possibility.

She was still angry. And angry at herself for being angry, and angry at herself for being angry for the wrong reasons, and angry for not being angry enough, and angry at Zack, and CERN, and Cloud, and her parents.

It was about discovery, wasn't it? That's what this was about -- what it had to be about, to justify any of this -- what had happened to Cloud, her whole life, everything. Did it matter who went that much?

Maybe it didn't. But she wanted it to.

She heard someone knock on the door. Presumably they had read the notice by now.

"I'll be out in a minute!" she called as neutrally as possible.

"We need you to oversee Fair's transition into the sixth ring," said Tseng's voice on the other side, "seeing as how you are still director."

"Yes. Of course," she said, clenching her teeth. She forced herself out of bed and opened the door to Tseng, who was watching her as impassively as ever.

"You appear to have heard the news," said Tseng as she walked past him.

"Yeah, I have," said Aeris shortly.

"And?"

She turned to him, glowering. "What am I supposed to say, Tseng? Am I supposed to congratulate Fair for stealing my life's work out from under my nose? Am I supposed to hate him for being more 'expendable' than me? Am I supposed to be fine with this? Am I supposed to fight it the whole way and jeopardise everything I've ever worked for?" Tears began to fill the corners of her eyes, but she refused to acknowledge them. "What -- what would you have me say?"

Tseng said nothing.

"Exactly," she said flatly. "There's nothing to say, so I'm not going to say anything about it."

She turned to leave again.

"I am truly sorry, for what it's worth."

Aeris was quiet for a long moment.

"...Thanks," she said eventually.

She didn't know if Tseng's apology actually made her feel better. She didn't think Zack's had.

But they were here to explore. This was supposed to be a happy occasion. She had to try not to let anything take that away from herself.

Aeris wouldn't look at him. He hadn't expected much else, but it still hurt to see happening. Zack found himself hovering around her, mouth opening and closing like a beached fish, trying to come up with something to say. Suddenly she turned to address him directly.

"You're familiar with the procedure, yes?" she said plainly. Zack internally grimaced at how formal it suddenly sounded, in contrast to the last few days.

"I -- yeah," he said nervously. "I mean, from the other end, but --"

"Good," she said, cutting him off. "You've got five minutes to shower while Lazard and I get things ready."

This really was it. No turning back now. And she wasn't going. She would never be going, ever. He was going instead. The hot water of the shower did nothing to ease the knots of stress built up in his shoulders.

Lazard looked up at him from inspecting the airlocks as he entered the fifth ring.

"Was there something you needed?" he asked.

"No," said Lazard. "Angeal and I have simply been talking. We hope this won't impair your judgement in any way."

"Look..." he sighed, rubbing his neck, "we've been given a job, and we've gotta do the job, right?"

"...Why, yes, that is the answer I wanted to hear," said Lazard dryly. "How did you know?"

"You don't have to be an asshole about it."

"I'm not."

"You are, and I really don't need to be talked down to right now," said Zack, steeling himself as the airlock slid open. He didn't want to know if Aeris was watching him or not. None of it really mattered either way. He needed this.

"I didn't forget the plan," he said, just a bit loudly. He couldn't risk another look at Aeris to make sure she heard it, and that was probably for the best anyway.

He stepped into the airlock, and the door slid shut behind him, trapping him inside. He removed his uniform and placed it in a compartment on the wall, where it was to be incinerated.

The decontamination process he went through in the next room was similar to the one he'd undergone upon entering the facility, but it was quite a bit more thorough. While the majority of it took place in one room, the sterilising agents he was doused it were a lot stronger, if the smell was anything to go by. There was another bright flash of light as top layer of his skin was burned off, and another chemical shower, before he was finally allowed to proceed through the last airlock, collect another uniform, this one having been specially treated, and enter the sixth ring.

It was a bit of a misnomer to call it a "ring", given it was mostly just a circle at the centre of the facility. There wasn't much inside it; a simple bed, not yet made, its components still packed away in plastic; a compartment full of identical uniforms, each made of a different, cheaper, more disposable material than the ones he'd been wearing before; a larger compartment full of rations, these ones presumably much more basic and tasteless than the ones they'd been eating already; a first aid box, filled with emergency medical supplies and sealed behind glass; a sophisticated-looking hazmat suit which he slipped into with some difficulty (and noticed that it was just a tiny bit small on him with a pang of guilt); and a door to the other half of the room, inside of which was another, smaller chamber, sealed and (almost) ready to be used.

Zack tried not to think about the fact that, technically, there was a non-zero chance of him walking into that chamber and never coming back out if his suit ripped or something, and proceeded to a switch on the wall and flipped it. One of the walls, a large glass observation window, went from black to transparent, and he saw the rest of the team watching him expectantly.

"How are you feeling?" said Lazard's voice over a speaker. Aeris herself wasn't saying anything, but she was looking through the glass at him with an odd expression on her face that for some reason didn't seem aimed at him for once.

"Pretty good," said Zack. "Air pressure seems normal. Nothing busted on this end." A camera flashed at him from behind the glass. Of course. CERN would want photographs of the big day.

He chanced another look at Aeris again, who was looking away.

They continued going over security and health checks, with Zack confirming or denying as needed, his thoughts still miles away. It occurred to him he was basically meeting a stranger. He'd seen the transcripts, and he had a grainy photograph to go by, but Aeris had been the one that had spoken with him for weeks. Hell, he hadn't even seen the entire transcript, given Aeris had been cutting stuff out. There wasn't really time to ask her anything he needed to know in secret anymore.

It wasn't as if, "Hey, cheer up, I'm only here because they don't want you dying horribly and you can go on and lead another bunch of people through a process you'll never get to participate in in the future one day!" was a comforting platitude for either one of them.

He realised that that was almost definitely what was going to happen, too -- Zack was just a precedent. It was almost enough to have him asking to be let back out, and to demand a retraction from CERN, but...

...he needed this.

"First rat's coming in," came Lazard's voice, snapping him out of his train of thought. There was a compartment mounted on the wall: a glass cube that reminded him a bit of library book drops, but more more tightly seal. The "book drop" on the wall beeped, and he slid open the door to see a sealed cube containing one of the rats he'd been palling it up with for the last few weeks.

"You ready, cuz?" he said to it quietly. "You're takin' a big leap for ratkind here."

He opened the chamber in the centre and set the box down on the floor before re-sealing the door.

"Come back in one piece, you hear?" he said, though it was lost as a loud humming noise began to emanate from the chamber.

Cloud crouched against the rock he'd woken up next to, clutching his sword like a lifeline. He had come straight from realising he existed, was himself, to knowing he was alone, and unsafe. He didn't know how he'd gotten here. He knew that he was Cloud, and that something bad was happening to him, or was going to. He didn't know how he knew that. But something bad was going to happening. He was going to be hurting soon. Someone was going to hurt him. Maybe it was because he had ruined something. Something was going to hurt.

His thoughts scattered as soon as they formed as he tried to remember what he'd been doing before this. He was outside. He was him was outside, because he was with -- Tifa. Jessie. Barret. They were usually with him? Why weren't they here now?

The sword he had wasn't the Buster Sword. It looked like it, but it wasn't it. He needed the Buster Sword. It was important to him. He couldn't remember why, but he knew it made him whole. He had to find it.

His number was gone. Where was his number? He needed his number. He was nothing without his number. His number was proof that he was something at all. He dropped the sword he'd been holding. clutching his wrist to himself, rocking back and forth. Where was his number? Someone had given him a number.

Hojo. Hojo had... he'd killed Hojo. It had hurt to do. Hojo was the one that had made him something. He hadn't wanted to do it. But he'd needed to, because... the Planet. It was dying, and they'd... yes. They'd killed Hojo, and then Lucrecia had come, and she'd been more infested with Jenova than he had, and she'd looked at him, the way he'd always dreamed of her looking at him...

He still remembered vividly, the way her twisted, ruined body had curled around him, even though one of her claws was embedded in his gut. She'd lovingly caressed his face, and tears had welled up in his eyes, from pain or joy or maybe both, and she sang Mother through their blood, and she'd said...

Cloud blinked. That's right. It was all nonsense. She didn't want him after all. Maybe that was why his number was gone now.

Cid's spear had punched through her eye from the back of her head after that, and it had been enough for him to get away before finishing her off. He'd wanted to be the one to do it. He told the others that since Sephiroth took his mother, it was only fair he took hers. Everyone had known it was bullshit. Cloud wasn't even sure he knew the real reason himself. Not that it mattered much, after Meteor had fallen...

Meteor had already fallen. He lived with TIfa in Edge, didn't he? So why was he here?

He'd had another episode, he realised, retrieving his sword -- his sword, the one he'd made for himself -- and putting it back in his harness as he began to pack up his sleeping bag. It still smelled a little of Ms. Suk. He'd have to remember to thank her for...

It all came rushing back, as it always did. He was Cloud, who was running from Edge because of the voices he was hearing. He was alone.

He'd woken up all by himself, he realised. His family would be so proud if they knew. He'd only ever managed that twice.

Another couple minutes of packing up gave him time to get his bearings. He hauled his bag back over his shoulder again and scattered the remains of the fire pit he'd made, then set back out on foot again. It had been three days, he'd been out here. Every second had been punctuated by an acute sense of dread and anxiety. He wanted to talk to someone about it, but of course there was no one around, and that just made it all worse.

Sometimes he'd sing to himself to keep himself company, though he hadn't done anything like that in years, and he still couldn't really remember the words. He really did miss that radio.

He'd gone back to eating rabbits, mostly. There were a couple roots and grasses that he recognised as edible here and there, from his days on the road. Yuffie taught him that. He remembered her taking him aside one day, and telling him how obviously he was a moron and it was up to her to keep him from starving to death if he ever got separated from the group. Cloud had rolled his eyes and crossed his arms and called her a little brat (and worse things in his head), but he had still listened to every word. He always had to wait for her to offer them, though -- god knows how she would have reacted if she knew he was interested and wanted to spend more time with her anyway. He scolded himself for the thought. He knew how she would now, obviously. She'd say yes, because they were friends, and she liked him.

But maybe she might not have. What then?

He'd tried to exchange knowledge with her about how to set snares to catch rabbits and find edible berries and mushrooms, to prove he wasn't a moron, it had just been a long time since he'd had to catch his own food was all, but there were strange holes in his knowledge where he knew lessons should be. Lessons from Ma.

They were still good lessons. And he remembered them, too. He wished Yuffie was here to see this.

Still uncertain of where exactly to go, he followed the stream he'd been camped alongside, tossing the bones of the rabbit he'd caught last night into the water. He wouldn't get far on foot, and he knew for a fact there was a bevy of chocobos a bit further to the west. Or at least there had been last time he was out here. He'd always had a way with chocobos, and contrary to what everyone kept insisting it was not just because of the hair. Honestly, some people.

He could do with the company, at any rate. Anything to distract him from the fact that for all he knew, he was never going to see his family again, and it had been nearly impossible to make the one he had now, so who knew if he'd ever hit it off that well again with anyone else for the rest of his life, it was no wonder nobody could stand him before --

Cloud picked up the pace, as though that would help. Maybe if he spent too long away from them, they'd realise how much better off they all were without him, and when he came back one day they'd tell him to leave again. Maybe he would come back, and Tifa would have a boyfriend that knew how to talk to her, and he'd probably be taller and confident and nicer and less afraid and could grow a beard and father children like a proper man could, because he still didn't know why someone like Tifa had picked someone like him when she could have had anyone she wanted, and Barret would tell him that since he'd left Marlene had been doing better in school and how he'd never really forgiven him for taking her school money and was only tolerating him because there wasn't any other choice, and Yuffie would realise how much neater her flat was now that she had time to devote to herself instead of stopping by every few weeks to wipe up his drool, and Jessie would tell him she'd had time to reflect on what a terrible person he'd been to her even before they'd dated, and who did he think he was kidding, thinking he could appease her by bringing her scrap metal and broken down computers, and Cid would tell him he was nuts if he thought he was actually serious about letting him spend time on his couch, that he was just joking and Cloud should have realised how obvious that was and shouldn't go around assuming, and Reeve would laugh at him for being so damn gullible, every time, and Nanaki --

He couldn't stand the thought of Nanaki not liking him. He stopped running. He couldn't breathe. No one would ever want him again. Nobody would come find him. He was going to die here alone. Nobody was coming for him.

He missed his number. It was as though he'd lost his entire hand, instead of just some skin and a tattoo. It was a reminder that he was wanted, was valued, had succeeded at something. Now he had to remind himself of that, and it was so much harder. Especially now. Was it bad that he missed knowing what he was and being content with it? Objects didn't have to worry about what they were or what their purpose was the way people did.

It wasn't as though he'd ever been much good at being a person, anyway.

A strange pressure went through his body before letting up a moment later, and he looked around in a panic, reaching for his sword. He felt as though he were being watched. Something wanted in.

The air in front of him warped, as though the world were little more than a projector screen with something moving behind it, and an object fell out of the air in front of him and landed at his feet. Some sort of glass box, with an electronic panel on the side.

Inside the box was a rat, which was now looking at Cloud and squeaking in alarm. He picked up the box in confusion as the panel on the side emitted a mechanical hiss.

He stood there, watching the rat for what felt like hours. There was something strangely calming about staring at it this way. He felt less alone. Perhaps because it was the first piece of civilisation he'd encountered in a while that didn't want to kill him. Whatever the reason, there was something calming about just sitting in front of the stream, holding this box, watching the rat scratch against the walls as though trying to reach him.

Wait -- this was Aeris's doing, wasn't it?

He rummaged around in the grass until he found a rock, which he smashed against his sword to create something a bit more jagged than the smooth stones that lay around the stream, already worn round by the water.

"Try not to freak out too much," he told the rat, and he liked to imagine it did calm down a little as he began to carve a few words into the surface of the cave. He wasn't sure if they could read them, but it was better than nothing.

The rat continued to watch him. He watched it back, his fingers gently trailing along the surface of its container. He lost track of how much time he spent, just sitting there, watching it groom its fur. Probably not a healthy amount that normal people would do.

He felt the pressure again, and he quickly set the box down in the grass again a moment before it seemed to "fall" back into nothing, taking his message with it:

HELLO

I MISS YOU

-CLOUD

Hopefully they wouldn't mind too much.

[silver-wield]

Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

[greensaplinggrace]

Cloud Wing!Fic

VERS. 1 | VERS. 2 of the Prompt: Hi, I just wanted to ask if you would be willing to dabble in a prompt about Cloud having a wing? Like maybe something where it first manifests in a really bad situation of some kind and he's just horrified and scared about it, and runs away from everyone because he's terrified of what they they think. They then him and end up reassuring and comforting him? Just- angst to family feels? There is a distinct lack of Cloud wingfics haha 😅 so I was just hoping you'd be interested. ~ @hiroasu-akika

This was inspired by the original prompt fill I made for this post! A different interpretation that doesn’t quite as neatly fit the prompt, but I figured you might like it XD. It takes place during the Shinra infiltration mission with Barret and Tifa. I hope you enjoy! <3

CAN BE FOUND HERE ON AO3

---

Barret doesn’t know whose sick idea it was to build a 59 story building, but if he ever meets them, he’s gonna shove his gun so far up their ass they’ll be spitting bullets for years.

The stairs seem endless as Barret climbs them, exhausted and shaking from the strain. Tifa and Cloud are having the time of their lives, dancing up the steps as if it’s a game and not a damn workout. Tifa’s already at the top, with Cloud only a few stories behind her, and Barret’s just struggling not to collapse with every step he takes. Just ten more stories, he tells himself, only ten more to go. 

Then there’s a clang, an echo of a gunshot ringing in a sickening chorus down the rows of metal, and Tifa screams. Barret increases his speed, pounding up the steps and readying his gun arm, but it’s already too late. A blur shoots past him, a sickening twist of blonde and black that he knows all too well, and he desperately breaks away to dive for it. His fingers brush only briefly on rough cotton, stomach dropping to his feet as Cloud plummets past without so much as a pause.

“Cloud!” Tifa screams again, high and anguished, and Barret doesn’t need to look up to know she’s hanging over the railing just as he is, eyes wide and tears streaming.

For a moment they're both frozen, watching with horror as he falls, and then there’s a thunder of steps as Tifa begins to rush down. Barret doesn’t move, though. Overwhelmed and ashamed and wishing to Gaia that something will happen - anything - to stop Cloud from landing.

No amount of prayers could prepare him for what happens next.

A crack splits the air, Cloud’s form twitching and writhing before a streak of black cuts snaps from his body in a spray of feathers. Tifa gasps, coming to another clanging halt, and Barret stares wide eyed at the wing Cloud’s just sprouted, long and dark and gruesome in the dim lighting. For the first time since he fell, Cloud yells, legs kicking and arms cartwheeling in a startled panic. His wing catches on the crisscross of wires with a sickening crack, harsh movements quickly landing him on another, and the burst of air from his lungs can be heard from 40 stories up as his stomach meets the unforgiving metal, descent brutally halted.

The silence that descends is shocked, both Tifa and Barret once more frozen in place. Then Barret shakes his head, blinking in the hopes of clearing the fucking hallucination of a wing from his mind.

“What the everlovin’ shit just happened?”

“Oh Gaia! Barret, we need to get down to him!” Tifa’s footsteps resume, but all Barret can do is shake his head again. He looks away and looks back but- nope. The wing is still there.

“Do you see that?!”

“Yes! I see it, Barret. Now really isn’t the time. He could be dead. He could be-” Tifa bounds past him as if she hadn’t been eight stories above him not thirty seconds ago, and the grip she forms around Barret’s wrist is enough to make him wince. She doesn’t even hesitate as she reaches for him, and Barret finds himself yanked along with her in order to keep from tearing her arm from it’s socket.

“Fuck, that was forty levels. There’s no way.”

“He has to be. He’s- he’s a SOLDIER. They’re stronger, right? They- oh, Gaia. How did this happen?”

The guilt almost swallows Barret whole. He’d had Cloud. Had grasped him and felt him in his fingers, but he hadn’t been good enough. One of his team could be dead. Cloud isn’t his team, though. Cloud is-

“The hell did he do? Get shot?”

“He didn’t do anything, Barret! This isn’t his fault.”

No, it’s Barret’s. He pushes back the guilt and focuses on keeping calm. Tifa isn’t doing so well right now, and Barret can’t afford to let his feelings get the better of him when the only two other members of his team are down for the count.

“Was there a guard at the top?” he asks, breathless and stumbling for a second as the numbness in his legs catches up to him. Tifa nods sharply, still rocketing down the stairs as if a fire’s at their heels. She glances over the railing to check on Cloud, and Barret reluctantly allows his gaze to follow hers.

His stomach lurches at what he sees. The dark wing is bent at an odd angle, caught on one of the higher wires, while Cloud himself lays folded face down over another. He isn’t moving, which is already a bad sign, but he’s also bleeding. It’s a dark patch on the shoulder that Barret hadn’t been able to notice from higher up, and what makes it apparent now is the spread of blood slowly dripping down his neck. It gathers stark and bright red in his blonde hair, and Barret can hear Tifa’s breaths grow shaky as she catches sight of the same thing.

She picks up the pace, and Barret follows readily. “Was it just one bullet?”

“Y-yeah,” she pants, finally appearing a bit winded from all of the running, “it was just the one guard. At the top of the stairs, I mean. He got a shot in before I could take him out…” She trails off at the memory, brow furrowing with guilt, and Barret lays a steady hand on her shoulder.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I was ahead of him, though. I should have seen, but it caught me by surprise.”

“You made a mistake. It happens. Next time, you’ll know to be more careful.”

Her lips twitch, jaw clenching, and she trips over the next step. She regains her momentum before he can catch her and doesn’t say a word, but her thoughts are clear as day. What if there won’t be a next time?

“Don’t write him off yet. The bastard’s strong.” Usually, he’d have to force a compliment about Cloud through grit teeth. This time around, Barret’s just hoping that it’s true.

They stumble down another few stories in silence, breaths turning to sharp wheezes as they take back every inch of progress they’d made. Barret doesn’t voice his concerns about making it back up to the top, but they’re a lingering fog of worry at the back of his mind. Another to add to his steadily growing collection.

At least they won’t have to run too far down once they’ve got the merc. Barret tries not to think too hard about why that is - that Cloud had fallen almost the entire length of 59 stories before landing stomach first on a thin line of metal. If his wing hadn’t broken his fall, Barret isn’t too sure he wouldn’t be dying of internal bleeding. As it is, there’s still a possibility, but at least it’s decidedly less so.

Barret can’t believe he’s even thinking about people having wings so casually, but it isn’t as if he can deny what’s right in front of his eyes. The further down they get, the more real the thing appears. Barret couldn’t possibly mistake it for anything other than a wing at this point.

Why hadn’t Cloud said anything? Why hadn’t TIfa?

Had they even known?

Barret scowls, huffing as they stagger down the last few steps, and they both come to a weak, heaving stop at the railing beside Cloud’s still form. He’s clearly unconscious, though the loose strands of his hair hang limply to cover their view of his face. Barret can make out a faint frown, but that’s the only sign of life he can glean from the merc.

A wave of fresh guilt hits him at seeing the kid so limp and lifeless. He looks like a ragdoll that’s been cast aside - bent and broken. Barret feels nauseous even looking at Cloud, let alone his wing. The broken bone is painfully obvious now that they’re so close. A jagged edge of white peeking out from a split in the skin, surrounded by smashed and blood matted feathers.

“Cloud,” Tifa breathes, voice cracking on the edge of tears, and Barret can’t help having to push down his own, “We have to get him down. We- Barret.” 

“We will. We gotta be careful, though, aight?”

“He looks....” She takes in a shuddering breath, shoulders rising as she clenches her fists. Barret lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, waiting until she looks up at him with wet, furious eyes until he speaks.

“I know.”

She exhales loudly, closing her eyes to regain her composure, and Barret distances himself a bit as she does. He takes the time to study Cloud while she works through it, grateful that the merc is somewhat close to them instead of further across the wire. Getting him down should be easy, but it’s the moving him downstairs part that Barret’s hesitant about. His wing will be an added weight that they really don’t need right now, and Barret doesn’t have the faintest clue if it’s safe to jostle any of his injuries. 

“Can you get him down from there?” Tifa eventually asks, strong and steady despite the shake in her shoulders. “I can carry him if you...take his wing.”

Barret nods and steps onto the bottom rung of the railing. He isn’t tall enough to wrap his arm fully around Cloud’s torso, but he’s able to get a decent grip on the back of his shirt. He grabs a fistful, bracing himself against the top rung with his gun arm. A light tug has Cloud’s shirt peeling back from his wound, the thick matting of blood already working to seal his shirt to the skin, and he hisses.

“What- what is it? Is he alive?” Tifa’s anxious and worried beside him, vibrating in place, and all Barret can do is shake his head.

“I don’t know yet. But, uh...this ain’t gon’ be pretty.”

“What-”

Barret pulls. Cloud gasps and jolts as the shirt is ripped away from him, wing shifting as he rises, and something like a choked wail escapes his lips. He thrashes in a panic, and Barret curses violently.

“Shit!”

“He’s alive!”

“No shit! He needs to calm down or he’s gonna-” Barret’s cut off as Cloud gasps, twisting out of his grip and falling back onto the wire. He scrambles at it, feet kicking and wing flapping, and another strangled groan is pulled from him as the broken bone shifts. The pain doesn’t stop him from lashing out, though, and the next thing Barret knows, a boot with the full force of a SOLDIER’s strength is ramming into his good arm. 

“Motherfucker!” Barret rears back and steadies himself, ignoring the string of pain to lean back down and grab Cloud’s shirt again. The merc writhes in his grip, and Barret’s endlessly grateful for Tifa’s stabilizing hold as he’s nearly pulled over the edge with him. He heaves and ignores Cloud’s pained yell as his wing slides along the wire. The rush of guilt is nearly overwhelming, but Barret refuses to let go now that he’s almost got the kid on their side.

Thankfully, Cloud goes limp again somewhere around the third rung. He’s heavier now, but at least he isn’t fighting Barret every step of the way, aggravating his wounds in new and spectacular fashions like the competitive bastard Barret knows he is. Barret manages to heave him over the rest of the railing without trouble, passing him off to Tifa and reaching out to steady the wing before she pulls it from its perch. The last thing they need is Cloud’s wing falling and hitting the walls.

“Shit, hang on.” Tifa holds Cloud in place, hardly straining beneath his weight, and Barret leans out further than he probably should to get a better grip on Cloud’s wing. It’s lighter than he’d expected, and the feathers are so startlingly soft beneath his fingers that he almost freezes in shock. He inhales sharply and forcibly regathers his wits, turning to nod at Tifa. “Okay, but lower him slowly.”

She gives a nod of assent, and what follows is an excruciatingly slow, careful drag of feathers through Barret’s fingers. Tifa draws Cloud back from the railing with deliberate care, cradling him in her arms as if he’s the most precious thing she’s ever held, and Barret ignores whatever the fuck is going on there in favor of keeping Cloud’s wing steady throughout. After a time, the broken bone slides toward him, and he spreads his fingers to form a strong grip on either side of it, maneuvering the remaining part of the wing until he’s able to step down from the railing and hold it spread sideways from Cloud’s back.

“We’ll need to splint that,” Tifa observes, biting her lip and eyeing the wing nervously.

Barret sighs. He doesn’t know a single damn thing about fixing bird wings, least of all ones that happen to be on humans. “If he made it appear, maybe he can make it disappear.”

The look Tifa gives him says that’s not likely to happen, and Barret resigns himself to recalling every little bit of animal anatomy he’s learned over the years. His knowledge is sparse, and by the way Tifa’s frowning, he’d guess hers is as well.

They move down the stairs as slowly as they’d dragged Cloud from the wires, Tifa whispering small reassurances into his ear as they walk. Barret tries to spend the journey focused on other things, but no matter how much he wants to avoid looking at Cloud, he can’t help but notice how pale the merc is. Lips almost blue and stomach bruised from where his shirt rides up, a pool of blood coating his hair and shoulders, dripping down his neck even as they carry him in an upright position. He looks like death warmed over, and the fact that he has a wing isn’t helping. 

Barret’s trying not to think about it.

But not thinking about the wing means thinking about how he failed Cloud. How he allowed his weakness to slow him down. How he wasn’t there to defend him and Tifa at the top of the stairs.

How he’d failed to catch him.

He looks so young like this, for once devoid of snarky remarks and the crease of a frown. Hair falling to gently frame his face, lips relaxed. He looks like a kid.

A kid who might be dead.

Gaia, Barret thinks he’s going to be sick.

“We need to take care of his bullet first,” Tifa breaks the silence as they descend the last few steps, “it looks like a through and through, so we won’t have to take it out, but he’s still lost a lot of blood.”

“You can take care of the bullet on your own,” Barret grunts, turning as she does until they're in the center of the room. The area at the base of the stairs is spacious, but they avoid the large shuttered doors at the far end, instead picking a spot nearer to the round metal pipes and smattering of orange caution signs. The place looks relatively unused, which is a relief, but he knows that any number of emergencies could drive employees to the stairs. They can’t linger long here, but he has no idea where else they could possibly go. “I’ll try to fix up his...wing.”

It shouldn’t still feel unnatural to say the word - to think it - but the thing is...it’s unnatural. Sprouted fully formed out of someone’s back after a fifty story drop. Who does that?

Cloud, apparently. Perhaps it’s a SOLDIER thing. Just another reason for Barret to hate their guts; another reason for him to hate Cloud.

He determinedly pushes back the voice in his head that says he doesn’t anymore. That he’s actually grown quite fond of the kid.

“You lower him first and I’ll follow,” Barret guides Tifa, falling to his knees and settling the wing in his lap as she lays Cloud across the floor. It won’t be comfortable, but it’s the best place they’ve got at the moment, and at least they have a flat surface of some kind to operate on.

Tifa’s quick to unpack her supplies, silent in a fervent worry as she works, and Barret focuses on Cloud’s wing. He has a feeling this isn’t going to end so well for them, especially once he starts pushing things back into place, so he begins with cleaning the injury and clipping off the feathers around it. Cloud whines in his sleep as they prod at his wounds, peaceful expression quickly marred by a pained frown. His lips twitch, sweat forming on his brow, and Barret runs a soothing hand over his forehead before he can even think about it. It’s an automatic response to the pain, and he can hear Tifa whispering calming words right alongside him, but something tightens in Barret’s chest as he cards a hand through Cloud’s hair. Something heated and protective that has him wishing desperately that he could pull the other man into a hug.

Barret doesn’t take the time to examine the feelings too closely, distracted by the glint of white as he moves to do the hardest part. Beside him, Tifa holds down Cloud’s shoulders, and Barret doesn’t even count to three before he realigns Cloud’s wing. A scream echoes off the walls of the stairwell, and Tifa has to press the entire length of her body to him as he struggles, mako eyes flaring open in sheer agony. He looks dazed and confused for a second, breaths short with panic, and something in Barret’s chest tightens at seeing the kid so distraught.

“Cloud! Cloud it’s just us. We promise you’re safe. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Tifa attempts to soothe him, hands flying across his body to contain any movement too strenuous. It’s a job for more than one person, Barret knows. Handcuffs or ties, at the very least. He’s impressed with how well she’s doing, but it won’t be enough if Cloud utilizes his full strength and actually tries to throw her off.

“It’s Barret and Tifa,” Barret clarifies, clear and concise in a way that he hopes gets through the fog of panic, “we’re helpin’ you, do you hear? You fell.”

Cloud subsides at that, blinking rapidly, and Tifa’s quick to take advantage. “We’re in the Shinra headquarters. Barret, you, and me were climbing the stairs when you got shot. Do you remember?”

He goes deathly still for a moment, lashes fluttering. Then he swallows and clears his throat, gaze flickering between Tifa and Barret a few too many times to be reassuring. “...Tifa?” he finally tries, and the slur in his voice has Barret’s heart sinking.

“Yeah!” Tifa only sounds relieved. “Yes, it’s me. Oh, thank Gaia you’re okay. We were- we were so worried.”

Cloud blinks again. “Barret?”

“Well, he wouldn’t ever admit it.”

Barret snorts. “You were pretty out of it, merc. What do you remember?”

“That- I remember...” he trails off, seemingly caught up in his thoughts, and Barret can pinpoint the exact moment he recalls the wing. His expression morphs into one of pure horror, body going taut and breaths coming out short and strained with terror. Barret’s stomach drops at the sight, and within seconds he’s struggling to keep Cloud’s wing steady as the merc all but tries to tear himself violently apart from the limb, eyes wide and glued to the thing as if it’s the devil incarnate.

“Cloud, it’s okay,” Tifa tries again, but he just shakes his head, once more tugging at Barret’s hold. As if breaking free of Barret will free him of the limb; as if this is all some sick dream that he can pull himself out of. 

Barret wishes it was.

“It’s not. It’s not okay. It’s- get it off.”

Barret scowls. “If you know how to make it disappear, then please go ahead, but it ain’t exactly a detachable piece.”

Cloud lets out a noise of protest, wild eyed and trembling, and the utter break in his usual composure is painful to see. Barret glances at Tifa, hoping to glean some sort of advice from the woman who knows him best, but she’s just as distressed as Barret is right now, fretting over Cloud with shaking hands.

“Then cut it off!” Barret’s blood runs cold, mouth going dry with shock. “Cut it off! Just-”

“Absolutely not.” Barret doesn’t yell, but he might as well have for the way Cloud reels back. “Nobody’s cuttin’ off anybody's limbs. The hell are you on?! We ain’t fuckin’ torturin’ you cause you’ve grown a wing all of a sudden.” Though it sure is a hell of a strange circumstance, and Barret wouldn't mind a few damn answers at some point.

Cloud falls silent. His throat works soundlessly, limbs frozen, and Tifa takes the opportunity to press his shoulders back onto the hard floor. Barret loosens his grip on Cloud’s wing a bit in apology, petting over the ruffled feathers in the hopes of smoothing away some pain. 

There’s a quiet sort of panic in Cloud’s eyes, now. The kind that has only the slightest of tells, Cloud’s lips thinning and his fingers twitching. His breath barely even catches as Tifa wraps his bare shoulder in bandages, eyes tracking her every movement with a fevered hypervigilance. When Barret so much as thinks of shifting, Cloud’s eyes snap to him quick as lightning, but they still don’t fall on his wing.

“So, I take it this is a new development.”

Tifa huffs, casting a reproachful look at Barret for his bluntness, but Cloud doesn’t react except to lick his lips. His fingers twitch again, knees jumping, and his gaze skirts the edges of his wing before he locks eyes with Barret.

“Yeah…” he finally croaks, swallowing a few times afterward to clear his voice, “I- I don’t want it.”

Barret’s lips twitch into a bitter smile. “Join the club. I know a thing or two about limbs you don’t agree with. Thought I was a monster for a long time, cause of my arm.”

“But it’s...it’s not the same. I am a monster. You...you’ve just…”

“Just got one arm?” Barret fills in, snorting when Cloud blushes. The merc turns away, flinching at a particularly harsh pull to his bandages, and Tifa’s whispered apology is the only sound to fill the silence for a time. Then Cloud ventures a tentative glance over at Barret again, and he takes that as his queue to continue. “I lost it in a bad way," he explains gently, "and what I replaced it with...well. It ain’t exactly all sunshine and daisies, is it? I say I use it for good, but I still hurt people.”

Cloud chances a glance at his gun arm. A complicated expression passes across his face, mako eyes running along the hunk of metal with the intensity of a man attempting to decipher the wills of the universe. Then he peers over at his own wing, expression instantly twisting to one of pure disgust. The limbs flutters lightly in Barret’s hand - a weak attempt at pulling it away again - but Barret stubbornly remains where he is. He doesn't stop running his fingers through the feathers, even as Cloud burns a hole in them with a poisonous glare. It’s a strange feeling, for once not being tempted to rise to the merc’s bait. Barret can’t say he hates it, though he has a hunch it isn’t going to last long.

“I know it ain’t the same,” Barret says before Cloud can rile himself up again, “but I also know that my arm doesn’t make me a monster, just as this doesn’t make you one.”

Cloud turns away, hell bent on not listening to a word Barret says like the little shit he is. Barret sighs and remains quiet, but there might be the hint of a scowl when Tifa speaks next, instantly garnering the full weight of Cloud's attention.

“I had a hard time, after everything that happened to us," she begins, pausing to gauge their interest with a shy glance. She bites her lip and focuses her attention on Cloud's shoulder, turning her head away from his ardent stare. His interest is practically palpable, and Barret can see her blush clear as day on the pale rise of her cheekbones. "I...changed," she murmurs, "I got angrier and more violent and I learned how to fight, and there was this fire in me that never stopped burning, no matter how much I hit or kicked or punched. I know- I know it’s different. But I understand where you’re coming from...when it comes to growing things you don't want - that you can't control. You’re not a monster, Cloud.”

“But the wing, it’s-”

“I know.” There’s something there that neither of them is telling him, but Barret’s just relieved Cloud seems to be listening to someone. If they had more time, perhaps they could actually get somewhere significant with the kid, but it would be rash to linger here much longer. More dangerous than Barret could possibly risk.

It’s a tentative peace they’ve found in the midst of their high stakes mission, and nobody can deny that quite a few shocks have hit all of their systems in the past hour, but he knows they need to get moving soon if they want to reach Aerith in time. Knows that Cloud is going to have to live with the wing for a bit longer until they can find a solution or an answer or something. They can’t help him right now, beyond offering rushed platitudes and stale comfort. The inability to do anything stings. Another inadequacy to add to his pile of failures. Letting Cloud get hurt and allowing him to fall. His fumbled, pointless attempt at comfort and care. Everything.

"Thank you, Barret." 

Barret blinks. "What?"

Cloud flushes down to his bright blonde roots, tomato red and furious. "I ain't sayin' it again!" he hisses, and Barret barks out a laugh.

"Shit, kid. You really are a pain in my damn ass."

"Aren't we all?" Tifa laughs.

"Nah, everybody else on the team is a damn angel compared to him." 

There's a beat of silence, Tifa's smile dimming as her eyes widen, and Barret finds Cloud's sudden reticence strange until he realizes what he'd just said.

Team. He'd said team.

But Cloud is on the team, isn't he? Barret doesn’t know when exactly he started to consider Cloud a part of it, but it’s an impossible idea to shake now that it’s taken root. He wants the arrogant little shit around, Gaia forbid. He wants him in the family. Despite every misgiving Barret's had about the merc's past and his attitude and his occupation - despite everything that's told him Cloud can't be trusted - he still wants to make him a part of the team. But the Cloud Barret's gotten to know is different from the front he puts up. Vulnerable and kind and loving. Willing to risk everything for Tifa and Aerith alike. Hell, he'd been willing to risk his life for Jessie and Biggs and Wedge, too. For Barret.

He'd almost died today.

Barret's heart clenches, and he almost blurts out his thoughts right then and there to his quiet team members - almost lets the whole world know exactly what he's thinking. But it isn't that simple, he knows. Things like this can't just be said in the middle of a mission, high on stress and painful revelations. It needs to be done with the whole team around. When they're all comfortable and relaxed; when they're all a family.

After the mission, Barret decides, I’ll offer him a serious place here with us.

Even if Cloud doesn’t want to be in Avalanche, that doesn’t mean he can’t still be a part of the team. Hell, Tifa’s practically an outside member already. It wouldn’t be so unusual, and Cloud would probably appreciate the steady income.

After the mission, we’ll give him a home.

But for now, Barret takes what he can get. He sets Cloud’s wing in a splint and talks about his arm. Shares stories with Tifa as Cloud drifts in and out of consciousness and runs a soothing hand through Cloud’s hair when the heat gets to be too much, temperature burning him up from the inside. 

Even the smallest of kindnesses seems to make Cloud melt, once his barriers are finally torn down. And every touch has him humming, every word listened to with a keen interest that he tries so desperately to mask.

Cloud needs a family, Barret realizes. He wants one more than anything. And Barret aches to tell him that he has one. That Avalanche would live and kill and die for him - every single member. That Tifa loves him and Barret...Barret’s fond of him. 

But Barret waits. He has to. Because if he says anything now, the entire mission could be ruined, and a 59 story drop with the surprise emergence of a wing is enough for any group to handle on the best of days.

After the mission, he reminds himself one last time, tomorrow.

Unfortunately for all of them, tomorrow is a long time coming.

And the mission has only just begun.