#WATCHED A VIDEO ON YOUTUBE IT MAKES SENSE THE SIGNS WERE ALL THERE

[lunarmoves]

finished isat and whaT DO YOU MEAN I MISSED MY CHANCE FOR LOOP SECRET ENDING FUCKK

[learnastrowallura]

🕯Mercury in Astrology

Information is from Chris Brennan's video on The Astrology Podcast YouTube channel on the topic of Mercury significations <3

Mercury: writing, speech, words, message, reign, translation, conveying, transmitting, information, interpretations, numbers, analysis, reasoning, details, dialogue, exchange, money, businesses, contracts, commerce, negotiating, indecision, disputation, questioning, doubts, distractions, speed, variety, irregularity, verstatility, changing, adaptability, flexibility, instability, inconsistency, knowledge, philosophy, service, teaching, mind, intelligence, intellect, language, communication, learning, poetry, voice acting, narration, acting, sharing, masculine, neutrality

Sun and Mercury:

Sun and Mercury are both centered around intelligence but in different ways; they complete each other. Sun is about divine knowledge and Mercury is about conveying, transmitting or communicating that knowledge or even perhaps analyzing it and extracting more wisdom as well as detail from it so I found this point particularly interesting. Sun illuminates with its rays and gives clarity by providing us with the truth and then Mercury expands on that truth and shares it with others in its charming versatile way as well

Sun vs Mercury sign:

Mercury does not move further than 28 degrees from the Sun meaning that the Mercury sign will always be the sign before or after the Sun sign (zodiacal signs are divided into 30 degrees) and so there is a bit of a differentiation (for lack of a better word) between who we are and the way we communicate and exchange information with other people if the Mercury and Sun signs are not one of the same. First example that comes to mind is having an Aries Sun Taurus Mercury and two people who are quite close to me have these placements; you would not know they were Aries Suns unless u asked hahaha even though one of them is an Aries rising too so that is something I wanted to note as well. Another example would be Sagittarius sun with Scorpio Mercury adding a lot of intensity to the person's communication style as well (which is something I relate to as you will see later on)

Domicile and exaltation:

Sooo Mercury rules over Gemini and Virgo so those are its domicile signs, it is how Mercury can manifest itself most comfortably whilst embodying its true essence. And then Mercury has its exaltation in Virgo as well which is pretty unique might I say and this gives me the vibes of (this my own way of seeing it so take it with a grain of salt) Mercury being more constructive in the sign of Virgo versus in Gemini just because of this particular distinction

But speaking of these two signs I do think they embody their Mercurial energies quite differently and shoutout to my friend @saturnianoracle for giving me the key words to describe this. First of all they are both analytic but Virgo is more of a skeptic I feel while Gemini tends to have more of an open mind. Virgo wants to see the evidence behind certain things to determine the merit or validity, to a certain extent, of the topics at hand to then decides if it wants to invest energy into looking into it more. It is very grounded as well as organized. With Gemini there is a certain sense of childlike curiosity that takes hold of this sign making it want to explore deep topics and of course stimulate its mind; it dives in without thinking and is more disorganized, inconsistent and chaotic I would say, and it loves conversing about its findings as well. I saw a tiktok video ancient astrology based describing Virgo and Gemini as the most intuitive signs which was fascinating to be honest u can watch it here

Detriment and Fall:

Mercury has its detriment in Sagittarius/Pisces and its fall in the sign of Pisces as well and the interesting thing noted in the video I watched (mentioned at the start) is that Sagittarius and Pisces are ruled by Jupiter, the biggest planet ruling over expansion and abundance, and with Mercury being on the smaller side you can really see that distinction of the Mercurial signs really often looking at the detail of things and well in contrast the Jupiter signs seeing the bigger picture. Also Jupiter being a benefic and ruling over luck makes me think that having these two placements is honestly not so bad tbh

Mercury in first house:

Mercury has its planetary joy in the first house of the self, highlighting the utmost importance of the curious, inquisitive and messenger qualities of the planet. What is interesting is the neutrality of Mercury and how we can link that with its joy being in the 1st house; a house that can be above or below the horizon, so even in this regard it stays neutral and does not "pick a side" if that makes sense; "acting as a bridge between the upper and lower hemispheres of the chart, a bridge between the celestial and terrestial realms which are united in the degree of the ascendant".

Source for the planetery joy information is Hellenistic Astrology: The Study of Fate and Fortune by Chris Brennan

I have made a more detailed post on planetary joys so check it out <3

Neutrality:

Mercury is not seen as a benefic or a malefic; it is considered a neutral planet. Of course, its manifestation and expression can be positive, negative or stay neutral depending on a few factors, such as:

Being in its domicile (Gemini/Virgo) or its exaltation (Virgo) sign is gonna lead it to manifest in a more constructive/beneficial way

Being in its detriment (Sagittarius/Pisces) or its fall (Pisces) sign would generally lead it to manifest in a less constructive way

Aspecting a benefic planet (Jupiter/Venus) would lead Mercury in this instance to manifest in a more constructive way as it is said to adopt the traits of benefic planet it is associated with

Being in a benefic ruled sign; meaning a Jupiter ruled sign as mentioned beforehand (Sagittarius Mercury, Pisces Mercury) or a Venus ruled sign (Taurus Mercury, Libra Mercury) would manifest in the same manner mentioned above

Aspecting a malefic planet (Mars/Saturn) leads Mercury to take on the traits of that malefic planet as well

Being in a malefic ruled sign so either Mars ruled (Aries Mercury, Scorpio Mercury) or Saturn ruled (Capricorn Mercury, Aquarius Mercury) leads us to Mercury adapting to that malefic's traits again

Triplicity also matters and I will make a detailed post on it soon but for now all I can say is that having Mercury in an air sign (Gemini, Aquarius, or Libra) adds on to the "power" that the Mercury placement has within the chart and the support that it gives to the native; if we are dealing with a day chart then Mercury has moderate support in the air sign in question (Saturn being its triplicity lord), and if it is a night chart then it maintains a powerful position within the chart, being its own triplicity ruler. (Source for triplicity rulership intormation is Ancient Astrology: in Theory and Practice: A manual of Traditional Techniques, Volume One: Assessing Planetary Condition by Demetra George)

That is all!! I wanted to go into more detail tbh but time simply does not allow it these days as I have my internship going on as well but I hope this was informative haha

Thank you for reading <3

Masterlist

Paid readings open

[argumentativeaxolotl]

Random Human AU Cars headcanons that probably don’t make any sense before I go to bed bc I can.

Lightning McQueen:

- Has accidentally called Doc “dad” before

- Has accidentally called Strip “dad” as well

- Bro can literally not stop moving- like he will not sit still and he tries so hard

- He has the shortest attention span ever if it doesn’t have to do with his friends or racing

- He actually really enjoys American Football and plays a modified version with Mater sometimes

- He was an orphan growing up

- Bro would 100% go apeshit feral if he lost a game of Uno

- Loves carnivals

- Dog person

- Forgets he’s rich sometimes and he can make his own decisions about money

- His love language is hugs and gifts

- He bought the Hot Wheels of his car and continues to buy every variation

Chick Hicks:

- Bit other kids as a child

- Filled water guns with lemonade and shot at people’s eyes

- Daddy issues(actually this is canon isn’t it?)

- Cat person

- Frighteningly good at card games like Casino “house always wins” levels of good. Like bro will somehow know what your cards are without even looking at them

- He put rocks in snowballs

- Alcoholic

- Loves anything horror, gorey, and True Crime

- He’s notoriously bad at getting people gifts, like seriously bro is not allowed to buy anything for anyone for Christmas or their birthdays that’s how bad it is(someone usually gets it for him)

- He probably has a huge gambling problem

- His love language is giving gifts

- He gives gifts as a form of apology because he’s shit at words

- Literally the best mustache in all of cars- like he keeps that thing at top condition 101% of the time

- He never actually finished school because his dad forced him into racing as soon as he could

- Probably had rabies at one point and somehow survived

- If you somehow manage to become a good friend of his, he’ll actually be super chill w/ you

- Rich as FUCK

Strip Weathers:

- Legally adopted Cal after his parents passed away(or sumn idk)

- Has several scars on his arm from the crash during the tie-breaker race

- He, Tex, Lynda, and Cal were practically inseparable after the crash

- He and Tex are literally the bestest of buds like they are homies to the MAX

- He doesn’t hold any ill-will against Chick even if he should and is allowed to

- The “Boy Scout” of racing(think Superman or Captain America)

- He listens to “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X while working with his horses. Cal cringes every time.

- He never swears unless he’s serious about something or is extremely upset or concerned

- He almost fainted when he met Doc for the first time, almost immediately asking for an autograph

- He has a ranch full of horses and enjoys horse racing as well as car racing

- Received an apology gift of both cologne and a miniature trophy from Chick

- He let Chick sign his cast after the crash

- He’s tried to teach Lightning and Bobby how to ride horses with Cal’s help. It did not go well

- He wanted to be a doctor for a little while before switching career paths

- Racing is literally in his blood(he comes from a very VERY long line of racers)

- Weirdly good at writing. Like for no reason.

- He heavily fanboyed over Doc when he was younger

Doc Hudson:

- He loves Lightning as his son

- He thinks of Sally as a surrogate daughter

- Unironically says “back in my day” whenever he’s telling a story

- He owns a shotgun and it’s hidden away in his house, far away from Lightning(who keeps trying to find it with no luck)

- He knows the most shit out of everyone and all their backstories. Bro hears the gossip and goes “nice”

- He loves watching fruit dissection videos on YouTube for some reason

- Bro is great at knitting. Like seriously. Give him ten seconds and you’ll have a whole ass sweater with a theme and everything

- He is an alcoholic(especially after his crash)

- Never got married or had children… until Lightning and Sally lmaooo

- He nearly started crying tears of joy when Lightning called him dad the first time

- He has several large burns and scars on his legs and lower back from the crash(like shit is really bad dude)

- His favorite movie is the original ghost busters

- He is a cat person

- He is a neat freak at heart yet gave up trying to clean out his garage because of all the bad memories

[gyundo]

“My Delectable Treat”

Sim Jaeyun (Jake) x Male Reader

SMUT! DNI if under 18

Plot: Jake and Y/N have a special moment at a fansign, allowing a very steamy night, in particular, to occur.

Y/N, a high school student, was struck by the pandemic as off-guard as everyone else. He had been stuck in the daily cycle of school-eat-study-sleep repeat for so long that he was completely lost on how to make use of the abundant free time he had.

As he found himself exploring the internet, he stumbled upon I-Land. Quickly interested in the competition show, he began learning about the how celebrities were “constructed” in Korea, and he also became a fan of one of the trainees in particular, Jake Sim.

With his cute face and astoundingly attractive aussie accent, Y/N found himself quickly rooting for one of the most talented participants and hoped that his favorite would make it into the final lineup.

Days of waiting and supporting his favorite with comments under each video finally payed off when Jake was announced to be in the final lineup. Y/N found himself so happy, he did not even realize when the tears began to flow down his cheeks. Even though all of his interactions with Jake had been one-sided, which was Jake simply talking to the camera, Y/N felt a sense of pride like someone close to him had just won.

Supporting ENHYPEN through their first comeback, Fever, and begging his parents to allow him to buy an album, Y/N found himself smiling even more when upon unboxing the album, he discovered he got a Jake photocard.

Seeing his idol making a cute kissy face and not being able to resist his beautiful black orbs, Y/N kissed the photocard before putting it in his phone cover.

Y/N religiously carried his precious Jakie around with him wherever he went, all the while stalking the group youtube channel for new vlogs for him to see his favorite.

With more comebacks and concepts, Y/N saw Jake transform from a youthful, bright boy in his teens to a daddy with the most attractive actions. From the way he began to lick his lips to the way his jawline and features became more prominent, Y/N could not help but feel a tent in his pants forming. Seeing the way his bias’s attractive hairstyles accentuated his features and his confidence-filled winks and lip bites just emanated sexiness, Y/N could only fantasize about being touched by Jake and found his lower half become painfully big as nothing could seem to ease the discomfort.

Y/N found himself crying himself to sleep more than once. He felt like in the sea of ENHYPEN fans, he was nobody to Jake, even though he was one of Jake’s first fans who supported him throughout I-Land and from a rookie group to one of the most successful and well-known fourth generation groups. He wanted to let Jake know about how he supported him, felt like he knew him, and wanted him badly.

Y/N kept supporting ENHYPEN in each comeback by buying albums, but the realization that Jake was never going to know who Y/N was broke him each time. Y/N, not that he ever would, could not even try to meet Jake coincidentally at a restaurant or known area where idols are commonly seen because he did not even live in Korea. Of course, Y/N was well aware that doing so would be considered stalking and Jake certainly would not like Y/N intruding on his privacy either.

Stuck in his one-sides admiration, Y/N could only meet with Jake in his dreams that were fueled by the hours he spent everyday watching enha content.

Y/N still kept buying albums, and it was not long before there was another comeback and Y/N was hoping for a Jake pc once again. In a strange turn of events, Y/N not only realized that he got another Jake pc, but he also won a ticket to a fan sign.

The chance to meet with ENHYPEN and to finally look his bias in the eye made Y/N gush with excitement. He felt like his hopes and dreams could finally come true, even if he couldn’t have Jake, at least Jake would know Y/N existed.

Y/N could not fall asleep for weeks before the day of sign, simply out of excitement. He worked to get all of his school work done for the days he would be away in Korea for the fansign. Now in his final year of high school, Y/N had been working a job and had enough money to travel to Seoul. He booked the tickets a few days before and often laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling with a smile.

Y/N’s smile never faded, all throughout security, his flight to Seoul, and taxi ride to the hotel room. Y/a was overjoyed to know that he would be seeing his Jake the next day, and he went out to purchase a few things as gifts for him.

Y/N arrived at the venue of the fansign and felt his heart beating. As he walked out of the security check and into the area where the event was to take place, Y/N’s heart dropped. He saw a line of around 25 people in front of him, all of whom were young Korean girls or teenagers. Y/N’s smile immediately turned into a frown as he suddenly felt self-conscious and out of place. Y/N began to question if it was normal for a guy to support a male idol so much and was scared of Jake feeling awkward around him because of this. As he saw the line getting shorter, he became able to see Jake with more detail and clairity.

The way Jake’s face shined and the way his eyes and wavy hair gave a look full of attractiveness and wonder, Y/N became more nervous about meeting Jake. The time finally came when Y/N was in front of Jake.

Jake looked into Y/N’s eyes with the most non-judge mental, friendly look possible, which took away all of Y/N’s fear.

“Hi, what’s your name,” Jake politely asked as he took a good look at the other male. Jake’s attention was finally caught by the fact that a male had finally come, after the huge flurry of female fans.

“I’m Y/N L/N! I’ve been supporting you forever since the first episode of I-LAND, and I’ve been buying albums for every comeback,” Y/N quickly announces as he saw Jake smiling while signing his album.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Y/N. I hope you’ll continue to support us,” Jake said with an angelic smirk. In fact, Jake was smiling because of Y/N’s words just as much as of Y/N himself. Seeing the other boy’s beautiful, jewel-like eyes and cutely parted, pink lips with a nice tuft of hair prettily covering an area of his forehead, Jake couldn’t help but stare. Unfortunately, Jake knew his limits as an idol and Y/N knew his as a fan. Jake handed Y/N his album back, and Jake kept looking at Y/N until the distance between the two became too much for him to see anymore.

Y/N felt like he was on cloud nine after finally being able to meet the object of his affections and getting Jake’s attention. He quickly made his way back to the hotel room, albeit feeling a little upset that talking to Jake for 2 minutes was the most he could interact with him. He still wanted to get to know Jake and be close to him, and talk for hours on end. The realization that Y/N would never see Jake again in real life hit him like a truck, as he found fat tears rolling down his eyes as he entered his hotel room.

He fell face down onto the bed and began crying as he questioned why he felt such an attachment towards a celebrity who didn’t even know him and grieved as he thought Jake would probably forget about him anyways, since ENHYPEN had so many fans visit them during fansigns.

Getting up out of the bed with swollen, reddened eyes, Y/N tried to console himself by finally taking a look at what Jake wrote inside the album. Y/N’s jaw dropped as he read what was written.

“Thanks for all of your support, Y/N! We don’t have many male fans and you’re the first to ever come to a fansign, so I’ll certainly remember you if you come to a concert someday! Also, you’re really cute and text me at XXX-XXX-XXXX.”

Y/N couldn’t believe that Jake had given him his number, this only happened in fanfictions. His hand shook as he sent Jake a text with the message “Hi, it’s Y/N L/N. You’re also stupidly handsome.”

Y/N walked to the convenience store for dinner with a new pep in his step. He had just been noticed by not just any idol, but Jake Sim, and got his phone number as well. He was eating his shin ramyun quite aggressively, as he hadn’t eaten much throughout the day and was starved. He was on a particularly forceful slurp when he saw a response from Jake, quickly finishing off the bite so he could see what was written.

Jake wrote, “ Hey cutie 😏, wanna go somewhere tmrw?” Y/N nearly leaped out of joy as he replied with an affirmative immediately. Once he got back to his hotel room, the two began to text back and forth for the whole night, as they slowly learned more about each other and the attraction reached new heights.

Morning could not seem soon enough, and Y/N made sure to get to the mall where Jake and Y/N were to have their “date”, or that’s at least what Y/N thought it was. Standing by the entrance, he waited, scanning each face until he found the one he was looking force.

Even hidden behind a black mask, Y/N recognized the silky, wavy brown hair with a middle part and the eyes that seemed full of both purity and like they were hiding a secret. Jake seemed to recognize Y/N at the same time, suddenly grabbing his hand and running to the nearest bathroom.

“J-Jake, where are we going?” Y/N questioned, completely puzzled by his idol’s brazenness.

Jake remained silent as he kept dragging Y/N into the most isolated bathroom down a long corridor. Upon opening the door and confirming it was empty, Jake took off his mask.

Y/N watched with infatuation as the rest of Jake’s impeccable face was revealed. Seeing him up close, Y/N noticed the smoothness of his skin, the velvety honey like color that made Y/N want to have a taste, and the red, smooth lips that adorned his face.

Jake responded, “I’m sorry I had to do that so abruptly, I saw the paparazzi behind me and I had to get away from their camera. Let’s stay here for a few minutes until the coast is clear.”

Y/N replied with a nod, secretly celebrating that he had more time to look at Jake. The boy still had not let go of his hand, and was instead looking into his eyes. Y/N couldn’t help but feel that Jake was attracted to him as well, and he moved his lips closer to Jake’s.

Feeling the need to close the distance from looking at Y/N, Jake quickly closed the distance between their lips. Y/N felt the gentle pressure from Jake’s lips, commencing a flow of euphoria throughout his body. Y/N put his hands around Jake’s neck as Jake reached down for the waist of his object of affection. Jake leaned into the kiss more and slightly moved his lips to create a pleasurable friction. Y/N was quick to adjust his lips accordingly so they perfectly met Jake’s.

“You’re such a good kisser,” Jake sighed with a low tone while catching his breath.

“It was my first kiss, it was probably all you,” Y/N flirted back equally.

Jake was surprised to hear about him being Y/N first kiss, but this only gave his ego a boost. Inquiring more, Y/N explained to him the story of his one-sided love and support for Jake, which as a side effect, prevented him from engaging in any other romantic relations.

“Shall we go now?” Jake inquired from Y/N with his prominent aussie accent that only made him more irresistible in the eyes of Y/N.

Y/N responded with an affirmative, and the two set out to explore the mall. From the coffee shop to the clothing stores, Y/N and Jake explored every area of the mall, the small things they saw indicating their personalities, interests, likes, and dislikes. As the two bonded more, they didn’t realize that the mall was about to close until an announcement was made.

“Can I drop you off somewhere, babe,” Jake lovingly asked Y/N.

Flustered with how fast they were moving, but obsessed with the thought of having a date with his longtime lover (at least in his heart), THE Sim Jaeyun, Y/N could not help but exclaim, “YES!” with enthusiasm. He then gave Jake the location of the hotel as the two got into an Uber.

“You don’t live in Seoul?” Jake inquisitively spoke to Y/N.

“N-No, I’m from America,” Y/N lowly muttered while avoiding eye contact, aware that Jake’s expression would be one of sadness.

“So does that mean you came all the way here just to see me?” Jake continued.

“Mhm, I turned 18 not too long ago and so I was able to come here by myself to see you. I worked hard to make enough money for the costs, but it all was worth it,” Y/N smiled with the most innocent grin.

Jake, looking calm but simply baffled and unable to wrap his head around the idea that somebody could like him that much, blushed furiously.

Jake cracked a joke about how attractive he must be if Y/N liked him that much, to which Y/N blushed with even more fury than Jake, while the older laughed.

The duo soon reached the hotel, and Y/N invited Jake to come inside while they talked some more. Y/N learned more about Jake’s interests and hobbies, as well as his personality off-camera, which was different than expected, but still lovable. Jake couldn’t help but look at Y/N’s cute eyes and the facial expressions he made as the two flirted.

“Would you like to just stay over,” Y/N offered to Jake kindly, but clearly smitten.

Jake’s pants felt a tightening that he had been controlling ever since watching the cute expressions and movements of Y/N. The smooth skin exposed by the loose neck of the t-shirt he was wearing only seemed to be calling for Jake to come and mark that area as his.

“Thanks love, I’ll take you up on that. I’ll just go and take a shower first.” Jake announced while thinking of the shower as an opportunity to cleanse his mind of any dirty thoughts. Y/N handed him some clean clothes, watching as Jake made his way into the bathroom.

As Jake’s dirty thoughts faded, Y/N’s became stronger. He could not stop thinking about the way Jake smirked confidently smirked at him, the deep sound of his voice, the perfect amalgamation of facial features on one person, and the eyes that seemed to be capable of a dirty secret. So attracted to his face, his habit of licking his lips, and filled with the thought of their kiss earlier in the day, Y/N’s pants became filled with a bulge that he tried to ease up by massaging.

Just as Y/N was making his attempts to ease his hard-on, he heard sound of Jake coming out of the bathroom and grabbed his pajamas and towel. The minute Jake walked out, Y/N, with his head down, briskly walked into the bathroom as to avoid eye contact with the older that would excite his boner even more.

While cleansing his thoughts in the shower, Jake lied down on the one bed in the room and thought about how lucky he had been to be able to meet someone dedicated to just him and not only obsessed with the outer version of himself. Y/N was truly loving every bit of Jake that he revealed, evident through the younger’s eyes.

As Y/N walked out of the bathroom, all thoughts of purity escaped Jake. He stared at the way Y/N’s hair clinged to his forehead, the way his exposed skin was inviting a sensual adventure, and the steam escaping his barely-parted lips. Jake’s cock grew immensely, to a point where he could not hide it anymore and he didn’t care.

Making eye contact with the older for the first time after the shower, Y/N couldn’t help but notice the definition on Jake’s body that the semi-wet t-shirt gave him. Perfectly sculpted abs and plump pecs made Y/N lower body quiver, as he noticed the unique way Jake looked at him. With an inviting and lustful gaze that was threatening to corrupt him and large cock that stuck out under Jake’s sleepwear, Y/N slowly made his way over to Jake as his breathing became erratic and his face became red.

“Commie here, Y/N-N,” Jake beckoned.

Y/N complied by nervously lying down next to Jake. Purposefully trying to elicit a reaction, Jake did not say anything to Y/N but saw something growing in the younger’s pants while he closed his eyes out of embarrassment. The truth was that Y/N had been thinking, no fantasizing, about having Jake take care of his sexual needs and desires that the older was causing him to have.

Jake pulled Y/N into an embrace that allowed every inch of their bodies to touch. Jake could feel the heavy beating of the younger’s heart and stared right into his (Y/N eye color) orbs, pulling him into a deep kiss at the same time. The way Jake’s tongue swirled around Y/N’s lips and finally entered his mouth, sealed with Jake’s own lips, made Y/N groan out of pleasure.

Feeling every inch of his tongue getting licked and stimulated by that of the man he wanted the most gave him a satisfaction like no other. Y/N felt his hardness rub against Jake’s much larger one, pressing down to give the two more pleasure.

Jake responded, “Fuck M/N, You’re only 18. I didn’t think you could be this dirty minded,” before flipping the two over so Y/N was now on the bottom. The older suddenly pulled Y/N’s shirt up, causing Y/N to yelp out of surprise.

“It’s so cold hyung, I need to be warmed up,” Y/N spoke with a suggestive voice. The former was proved true by the way Y/N’s nipples stood up, prompting Jake to lean in and suck on one.

“Mmph-Haa JAKE,” Y/N yelled out upon the strange feeling of having his nipples licked and stimulated so strongly. Jake’s suction only grew more as Y/N began to yell out more, the way his tongue licked his nipple sending waves of pleasure throughout the younger’s body.

A string of saliva connected Y/N’s now swollen, reddened nipple with Jake’s lips. As Y/N slowly came back to his senses, he heard Jake whisper, “We can’t leave the other one not looking the same can we now?”

Y/N’s eyes filled with concern but Jake moved his mouth onto Y/N’s other nipple, prompting more groans and sounds of pleasure to be released as it slowly grew to the size of the other. Suckling from his right nipple caused Y/N’s cock to grow further, which Jake noticed and began to rub his own, clothed member over.

Jake moved his face over to Y/N once more, where he could see the lust in his eyes. Y/N was tempted by the moistness on his lips and captured it with his own once again, commencing a delicate tongue dance that made both feel as if they could not hold back any longer.

Y/N’s hyung slid his hand under Y/N’s own cock and began palming him while the two made out further.

Jake broke the kiss abruptly, “I need more Y/N, and I can’t hold back anymore.” He slid off Y/N’s pajamas while bringing his crotch closer to Y/N’s face.

Aware of exactly what the older wanted, Y/N pulled down Jake’s pajamas, greeted by a thick, veiny cock leaking with delicious precum. Believing it to be his opportunity to make his man feel good, Y/N immediately began licking and suckling the older’s tip.

“Awh yeah, just like that Y/N. My cock is only for you and nobody else,” Jake moaned out. Y/N began to deepthroat and explore every vein on Jake’s cock with his tongue. Jake belonged to Y/N and it was his right to enjoy every inch of him. Seeing Jake’s sexy expression with his tongue sticking out slightly while he bit his lips, Y/N could not help but suck him more.

Due to Y/N giving special attention to the tip, Jake yelled out, “F-fuck Y/NNN, who knew a young boy like you could make me feel so wild. Suck on my dick harder like you mean it.”

Y/N began sucking and licking Jake’s cock with such intensity that his hyung could not help but groan and thrust softly into Y/N’s warm, tight throat. Y/N was enjoying Jake’s dick like his favorite mango ice cream bar, while Jake was enjoying all the attention from the dongsaeng he managed to seduce.

Neither of them could seem to get enough. Y/N’s wet cavern that was spewing gushing noises and making Jake’s cock all wet and stimulated was almost enough for Jake to cum, just as Y/N felt himself nearly coming from having his throat filled and fucked so well.

“You want hyung to wreck your boy hole, huh Y/N?” Jake sexily moaned into Y/N’s.

Y/N responded by immediately kissing Jake and whispering back, “Please please please Jake, fuck me right now. I’m so needy and i’ve been saving myself for you. Only you can satisfy me, claim my hole as yours, daddy.”

Jake’s cock instantaneously grew more and became almost rock hard as he began to reach for the condom inside the side table drawer that he had checked earlier. His actions were met by a slap from Y/N’s hand that caused the condom to fly out of the older’s hand.

“I didn’t save myself for you just so you could do me with a barrier. Jake, I need you to breed me and pump me full of your cum. Your cock and your cum is mine and mine alone,” Y/N explained while rubbing his hand over Jake’s hard abs.

“Such a sexy and cute boy, I can’t believe I found you,” Jake said while staring into Y/N’s lustful eyes.

Jake flipped over Y/N so his quivering hole could be seen, and aligned his cock to it.

“This is gonna hurt, you slut, but you wanted it,” Jake slyly announced to Y/N, who could feel the weight of the cock right behind him, with its girth and length threatening to stretch out Y/N to the maximum.

“AAAH,” Y/N moaned out as Jake thrusted his large cock directly into his ass. His ass felt so painful, like it had been torn in many different places. He wanted Jake inside him and finally had him, but the pain was far worse than he expected. His being felt so full, however, like having a permanent itch soothed.

“So tight for me, my dongsaeng,” Jake groaned out as he saw Y/N adjusting. Tears began falling out of Y/N’s eyes, but Jake leaned in to kiss his cheeks to distract him.

“Be rough with me, okay Jake?” Y/N commanded Jake after a minute of silence.

“Whatever my Y/Nie wants, he will get” Jake responded as he pulled out of Y/N while leaning the tip and swiftly thrusting his humongous length inside.

“HAAH-HYUNG,” Y/N yelled out, “MORE I WANT IT MORE!”

Jake grabbed Y/N’s arms, pinning them behind his back and he began to roughly thrust at an animalistic pace. He pounded Y/N firmly, over and over again, without fail. His large cock filled all of Y/N’s anus as he continued to wreck the younger boy’s hole too good.

With the swelling from the intrusion and slight injury kicking in, Jake seemed to feel an even stronger tightness around his cock, “Such a perfect hole saved just for me to fuck and claim. I’m gonna make you addicted to this feeling, Y/N”.

Jake began to fuck Y/N more slowly until he finally felt Y/N’s body shake after he rubbed his cock against his prostate.

“UNGGH, RIGHT THERE JAKE. FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT DADDY,” Y/N moaned out as waves of pleasure from having his prostate stimulated made his mind go blank.

Jake replied with thrusts at an animalistic pace, as he was following through with his promise to breed Y/N like an animal. Jake’s cock felt perfectly enveloped by Y/N squelching, warm hole that seemed to fit his cock better by the minute.

The sound of Jake’s golf ball sized testicles hitting Y/N’s ass filled the room as Y/N enjoyed every minute of being treated like Jake’s personal fleshlight. Being fucked rough his first time like a whore by the man he wanted the most made the experience all too good.

“More, Jakie, more,” Y/N whispered lightly, clearly out of energy from being bred so hard, yet still wanting more. Jake complied with more thrusts pushing Y/N to the edge, his cock perfectly stretching out the younger’s boy hole every time.

Jake leaned down to lick Y/N’s earlobe as he placed his abdomen on top of Y/N’s back while thrusting so hard that sounds of the bed frame crashing into the wall repeatedly filled the room.

Y/N, filled with immense pleasure and loving every second of his tight hole being wrecked and mangled by every vein on Jake’s juicy cock, began licking and feeling up Jake’s large biceps.

“So-So BIG, hyung,” Y/N yelled out for the whole world to know as he enjoyed being devoured by the one and only Sim Jaeyun.

“My cock or my body, Y/N?” Jake responded with a smirk and a sudden thrust that left Y/N mouth and asshole alike agape.

“Everything is so big about you hyunGGG,” Y/N managed to mutter out in the middle of a thrust that sent another wave of pleasure, “Your dick, your abs, your biceps, your heart, everything”.

Y/N’s lower body felt tingly as his prostrate was abused over and over by Jake’s unrelenting thrusts, and sudden propulsions kept him on edge. Jake, satisfied with Y/N‘s response, wanted to fuck Y/N so good that he would never imagine being able to enjoy a cock other than his own.

Jake’s cock began to slide in easier and grant him more pleasure with the precum that he painted all over Y/N’s formerly virgin walls. He was determined to show the younger that he owned him and that Y/N was Jake’s personal thing.

“Do you want Jake’s cum in you, huh, Y/N?” Jake questioned the younger while continuously shoving his cock into a hole that had become more accustomed to the intrusion over the last half hour.

“YES PLEASE I NEED IT. MY HOLE NEEDS IT JAKEE,” Y/N yelled out of desperation.

Reaching his climax, Jake’s cock turned inconceivably hard as his thrusts became sloppy and rougher. Jake released a copious amount of cum into the younger, with spurts of cum continuously flowing out.

Y/N, full of the sensation of being filled with a large cock and warmed up by an immeasurable amount of Jake’s hot semen, felt his own orgasm near as Jake thrusted in him one last time. The thrust was enough for Y/N to shower spurts of cum all over his chest and the sheets.

“I finally have your cum, hyung. You’ve finally marked me as yours and bred me,” Y/N let out with satisfaction.

“That was fabulous, my delectable treat,” Jake softly spoke to Y/N while scooping his cum up and licking it all off his fingers. Jake’s cum continued to gush inside Y/N as his reddened hole was held shut by the base of Jake’s cock still inside him.

[pseudophan]

so i keep hearing people say things about dnp not wanting to make dapgo but it was published right around the time i started watching their videos so im wondering if theres a reason for that i dont know about? have they talked about it or is it just like...vibes?

they said in this video that there's one project they did throughout the years they really didn't want to do but were forced to, and we always got the vibe they weren't all that excited about dapgo and then in the birthday stream dan called it worthless lmao

it would just make a lot of sense for it to be that as a lot of youtubers signed book deals for multiple books back then, it was very much a thing of like well you either do two or none, and i think especially dnp being two people i can see them signing a two book deal cause they really wanted to do tabinof and figured ugh sure whatever. i don't think they dislike dapgo as a concept to be fair, if anything having what's essentially a photo album of their tour is probably nice, i think the issue is more that they don't think it's a good enough product for how much it cost. i don't remember the exact price but dapgo was at least almost as much as tabinof which is obviously a much better product

i still like dapgo though :3 it's a bit dumb but i think it's cute

[pjoxreader]

Jason/Reyna/Percy with a deaf/hoh significant other?

Deaf/Hard Of Hearing Reader

Jason Grace

-Jason has a hard time learning sign language, but it isn’t for lack of trying. He tries to learn from books and such but it isn’t exactly easy, it’s hard to see how the hands move through just pictures.

-It’s not like he can look up youtube videos on it since phones are just a beacon to monsters. You can’t help but laugh every time you see Jason come over sheepishly holding an ASL book when he’s having trouble with a sign.

-The first thing Jason learns when you start to date is how to sign I love you. You can’t deny it was cute watching him but he ends up doing the signs for ‘I, love, you’ separately. Which was fine in itself but there was an easier way to sign that.

-He still has a lot to learn, and you can’t help but giggle at that and show him the easier way to sign it. All he had to do was put the middle finger and ring finger down, then face your palm to the person you’re doing the sign too. -You really love watching Jason teaching the other seven everything they need to know about sign language, so they can communicate easier with you. He really wants nothing more than for his friends to be close with you too.

-He loves signing ‘I love you’ during things like training or if you’re at dinner stuck at different tables. He easily falls in love with the language just as much as he fell for you.

Reyna Ramírez-Arellano

-Reyna would have already known some basic sign language, it’s the perfect thing to learn for a quest. Being able to work with your questmate on a plan without the worry of being overheard.

-That being said, she doesn’t know basic conversational signs. But as she already had the basic grammar and such down already it doesn’t take much effort for her to learn the rest.

-She learns **fast** though, and soon enough in her debriefs to camp she signs the entire speech too of what the plans for the day were. Even when you’re not there you find she’s signing anyway to keep up the practice.  

-She becomes a natural in no time, she can easily keep up with reading your signs and signing at a speed to match your own. She never once bothered writing down what she needed to say for a conversation sense she put all the effort into learning ASL.

-You two can easily plan a date night without anyone knowing, Frank was working on running drills while Reyna was working on planning a date with you. She was doing all of that while translating what Frank was saying as well.

-While explaining the rules of the war games to the newer campers you show the sign for ‘I love you’. Much to everyone's surprise she cracks a smile before clearing her throat and working on explaining again.

Percy Jackson

-How you first met is Percy asking you how to sign curse words. You were confused at first but do agree to teach him. However you soon enough find out why he wanted to learn that. -After a long quest with him you make your way to Olympus, to your surprise Percy then signs ‘dick’ to Zeus while making it seem he was just scratching his nose. You had to do everything in your power to not bust out laughing.

-Percy had the smuggest grin after that, it seemed he wanted to do that for a while… He starts to learn more curse words but then it starts to branch out to more normal signs. He struggled with the structure of wording sometimes but you’d be there to correct him.

-He did end up mostly signing curse words though. Whether it be to monsters, gods, or other campers that deserve it. But you couldn’t really blame him, he was from New York after all…

-The rest of the camp started to learn sign language because of him, well mostly curse words since Chiron didn’t fully understand all of them. It was the best way to insult each other without getting in trouble. 

-Clarisse was easily the second most person who knew the most amount of curses in ASL, since Percy and she would go at it. You have to admit this is not how you expected to be teaching people ASL but at least they were learning?

~Masterlist & Rules~

Like my writing? Please consider sending me a Ko-fi! ☕

[magpie-22]

Book of bill/thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com spoilers!!!

So I was in the website for too many hours today,

I put in “one eyed king” which had a silly little video with Morse code in the background that said “Naitsuaf” which is Faustian backwards

I put that in which gave me Bills pyramid scheme offer and then a soul contract to sign over my soul, the fine print is in code, here you all go:

It says:

This contract is legal and binding. We reserve the right to use your likeness, face, voice and small town pluck in whatever nefarious manner is deemed necessary. Sans soul. Your soulmate will not recognize you and will walk right past you on a cold autumn day. Never making eye contact. Not even processing that you have eyes at all. No amount of interaction will move them to a place where they can remember, In feeling, The thousands of lifetimes you have already spent together. Each time choosing whatever form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river. You were birds. you were trees with roots entangled, drinking in the sunlight together. Wherever we go next, whatever you choose, I will always be right there with you. Thats done, Buddy, congratulations, you have chosen Bill instead. Mcdonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow M on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded times square while you scream, the fries, the fries, they don’t degrade in nature! It’s an immortal food! They will be in the landfills long past our deaths. Good god, the things I’ve seen, me, why am I, oh I’m Bill’s previous lawyer, he put my soul into a quill pen so I can write his legal documents until the sun snuffs out like a candle in this sick universe. I used to be so hot, I was so fine, now I’m fine print, speaking of which, Bill reserves the right to put your soul into an inanimate object, a strange creature, a concept, a sentence, a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it. If at any point you wish to have visitation rights with your soul, you will be swiftly denied, unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you, then Bill might want to come along. by signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soul food, It will turn to ash in your mouth, a fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you. Bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary, especially if your soul was a nerd before acquisition, soulmakeoverrr! your soul may become fractured and placed into different objects, this has no purpose and will not resurrect to any afterlifes, including but not limited to, heaven, hell, purgatory, big corner, flow state, the dream house, the reincarnation processing center, axolotl, a tank and consequences hole, signee can no longer board the soul train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms, signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend, they can sense what is gone, cats are indifferent, signee can experience occasional demon possessions from Horculus the Red, Piabos the Merciless, Morbus son of Mortem, Plaga the Oozing and other such common demons roaming earth searching for weakened, empty vessels. tips for ripping your soul out at home: watching youtube commentary channels, attending an extended family event with an open bar, using generative AI for asserting that you are creating, turning a blind eye to human suffering, amassing more wealth than needed, purchasing a blue checkmark.

The punctuation is not all totally correct but I am quite tired and spent many many hours decoding that, I hope you all enjoy!

Don’t forget to sleep, eat food, drink water, and maybe go outside for a bit!

[rauberrauber]

line up baby

wanted to make a sort of ref for everyone so i can keep track of everyone's designs, heights, etc

side hcs below cuz i wanna ramble lol

fyi any links are just for pictures to help visualize what im trying to say

also add to these with ur own i love reading hcs :]

general:

the sides work with a kind of cartoon logic (kinda like who framed Roger rabbit) which is what their shape shifting and such is, they can survive pretty much everything, dont bend to reality type thing

i also dig playing around with the idea that they just arent human, they dont need to eat, sleep, even breathe or blink if they dont wanna. They just play more human around thomas so they dont freak him out (everyone but remus at least, dude doesnt give a fuck lol) they all have their priorities regarding that kinda stuff. like logan doesnt eat or sleep almost at all (there r exceptions tho obvi (crofters))  while patton rly likes to cook and bake so why not eat the stuff you make? meanwhile remus eats literally anything he can find

they can also float if they wanna, same thing where they just dont around thomas. this came about me just imagining remus consistently floating around in the mindscape instead of walking for whatever reason? so yeah they can do that

theres a core mindscape and a ‘dark’ mindscape, that sorta works like the upside down from stranger things (as in the dark mindscape is like literally upside down and mirrors everything, like this)

everyones also got their own unique doors to their rooms. logans is very sleek and modern, pattons in more childlike and almost vintage, romans resemble castle doors while remus’ is more like a dungeons, virgils is typically angsty teenager with tons of posters and ‘keep out’ signs, and janus has tons of locks on his

design wise the core sides have straight teeth and fluffier hair while the dark sides have sharp teeth and rougher(?) hair (since changing, virgil has vampire-esque fangs)

logan:

square rimmed glasses

loves the rain

unintentionally fidgets with his clothes, always adjusting his glasses or rolling his sleeves up and down or messing with the buttons or his tie

playing more into the whole ‘sides dont have to eat thing’ he finds food kinda nasty lol, again only rly eats stuff thats very good to him (ultimate picky eater basically) patton has tried and failed many times to get logan to try and like new foods

roman was the one who got him to try crofters

watches those long ass video essays about random topics on youtube for background noise

patton:

round glasses and heart eyes

has roller blades/skates! specifically these ones that retract the wheels. good way of getting energy out (even if hes super clumsy with them)

tallest + dad bod

tons of bandages, kinda playing around with the phrase ‘broken heart’

him and janus play video games together (both of them are terrible lol)

definitely listens to dad rock/dad music

roman:

starry eyes!

crown can float on its own (same w/ remus’)

has one of these couches in his room to dramatically faint onto

him and remus dont share a room, but they have a sort of portal to each others rooms if that makes sense. a big mirror but instead of reflecting, its showing into the other room and only the twins can go thru

wants to be his own side after the split

roman and remus pierced each others ears when they were younger

virgil:

decently tall but slouches a lot which hides it (slouching hes shorter than the twins but still taller than janus) also rarely stands or sits straight at all so it kinda shocked the core sides when he showed them how tall he rly was (queue roman being mad cuz hes actually the shortest of the main four lol)

has stereotypical emo hair and still has some purple dye in it

hot topic skeleton fingerless gloves and muddy sneakers (idk why it just feels right)

tons of random bruises

draws his nails black with sharpie

listens to metal music to calm down. remus got him into a lot of numetal, screamo kinda music when virgil was still one of the others, it was one of the few times theyd hang out and virgil wasnt 100% freaked out by remus

definitely experimented with scene fashion when thomas was a teenager

drinks tons of energy drinks

janus:

shortest ha

yellow eyes

bow wrapped on his hat

long flowy cape and heeled shoes with spats (thats what theyre called right?)

uses the staff from pof as a walking cane

speaks fluent pig latin, remus and logan are the only ones who can somewhat understand what he says (remus cuz hes been around janus so long, and logan wanting to research and understand whatever the hell janus is saying) it also has always drove virgil up the wall cuz hes never been able to get it, janus will start speaking it just to annoy him

only rly relaxes when by himself, always kinda putting on a mask with the others and thomas, regardless of how trustworthy he considers them

constantly coming up with proper plans and schemes, typically wouldnt let remus near them with a 10 foot pole (affectionately)

knows how to lockpick

scared of the ocean

remus: 

broken crown

eyes can go all crazy, pupils can be different sizes and such (there was a cartoon that did this where the eyes would go red and have a ton of rings around the pupils like spirals kinda? i cant find a pic of what im rly visualizing rip i hope that makes sense)

ton of rings (one of em is an eyeball ring)

is like half an inch taller than roman and will never let him live it down

enjoys all the ‘bad’ disney/pixar movies. (cars, home on the range, etc) and like unironically enjoys them. prolly started ironically to mess with roman but he genuinely find those ones the best and cant fathom why theyre disliked (totally not self-indulgent cuz some of those movies are my favorites)

comes up with random weird plans and ropes janus into them whenever possible, janus plays along best he can

somewhat wants to fuse back with roman (even if hes unsure why)

remus and virge used to make fun of roman together all the time

remus is the one who gave virge his septum and gages

[clockworkouroboros]

i don’t even go here but the hbomberguy/todd in the shadows videos on James Somerton are both enlightening and, for me, not wholly unexpected. I didn’t watch many videos by Somerton, although I know people who did! And I can’t say I wouldn’t be taken in by a different video essayist in the future. but there were a number of things in Somerton’s videos that turned me off of watching more—and for the one or two I saw, I don’t know if I even finished the whole video.

First, Somerton’s work seemed inconsistent. some of what he said was eloquent and persuasive, and sometimes he was jumping to conclusions and expecting you to follow without outlining his reasoning or how he reached that conclusion. A lot of that makes sense in retrospect—he was plagiarizing better writers and thinkers than himself, and his own contributions were all over the place.

Second, a lot of Somerton’s opinions appeared to be very cynical/angry/dismissive. He seemed to have a cherry-picked view of the world that demonized people who weren’t like him or didn’t agree with him. To claim to be representative of an othered group and then use that position to alienate and other groups not like you left a really bad taste in my mouth that I couldn’t get past. Likewise, he had a very clear superiority complex over “the bad guys”—conservatives, homophobes, queer people he didn’t like. It’s really easy for a lot of us to deny the humanity of groups that hate us, which is why his constant putting down of conservatives and homophobes was easy to support. For me, though, I didn’t like how flippant he was in what was supposed to be an informative essay—it reeks of arguing in bad faith.

Thirdly, I know Somerton’s “intellectual” style really appealed to a lot of people who wanted a smart, academic authority figure to help educate them on queer history and queer media. Again, for me personally, Somerton’s persona as an intellectual struck me as false. Man was trying way too hard and it came across as pretentious and untrue to himself. I know a guy like that in real life—he’s my classmate in university—and I know for a fact the guy I know is one of the worst students in our class, to the extent that he’s failed multiple classes. I don’t think everyone has to be an academic or an intellectual, but that if that’s not an area in which you should excel, you should find an area in which you do excel and feel fulfilled. Somerton’s intellectual persona was phony, and I recognized it as such because I have seen other people do the same thing in real life. Likewise, the smartest people you know don’t always look or act like their the smartest people you know. Think about hbomberguy’s video: he meticulously and thoughtfully exposed all of this plagiarism and had really important thoughts about plagiarism on the internet and youtube, all while being a little ridiculous and also wearing a lab coat that was burned all over and falling apart. Genius is not James Somerton’s carefully paced reading and his black turtlenecks. Genius is much more similar to the passionate and thorough work hbomberguy did.

These are things that personally turned me off his videos, but I wasn’t about to tell other people they couldn’t watch. Some of what he said was really good—now, knowing what we know, the good stuff was probably all plagiarized, but it was good material! I do think now, in retrospect, I do think some of this might be helpful in evaluating other video essayists. Usually, if they’re as egregiously unethical as Somerton was, there are other warning signs. I do think the most insidious was the villainization of the other, because it is so easy for our confirmation bias to get in the way, or our tendency towards generalization. Somerton’s videos really took advantage of that—a trustworthy essayist is going to steer clear of generalizations and villainizing an entire group of people, unless it’s about like, the nazi. which apparently Somerton went into a lot of detail about how gay they were (false information), which is horrific. so.

[ellestra]

Farming content James Somerton style

Edited: I cleaned up sentences, removed typos and added some links

You've probably seen the latest hbomberguy video that highlights plagiarism problem on youtube. He gives several examples many I never heard about but I've been recommended iilluminaughtii before and watched some of her stuff before getting tired of seemingly endless volume (now I know why). But then he gets to the real subject of the video and I did watch a lot of James Somerton videos. And I liked many of them. I liked them a lot.

I didn't give him any money and, as much as it came as relief, I kept thinking how this must feel so much worse for people who did. I thought about supporting him for a moment when he posted (in April this year!) how his videos are getting less views because youtube algorithm and demonetisation of gay creators (it's a real thing so it was easy to believe) and he will be forced to stop creating if people don't sign up to his patreon. But I was casual viewer and he seemed big enough so I didn't. It must feel like such a betrayal to those who created a real community around him. Just like his film production company it's clear now it was another of his scams. It's infuriating how well it worked.

Somerton deleted his patreon now (along with his twitter and discord server) so there is probably no recourse for those affected. The only good thing is that someone big enough highlighted what he did (and brought receipts) so he had to stop. When smaller creators called him out it either went unnoticed or he managed to make himself a victim (and send his fans after them). He actually did what Anita Sarkeesian was accused of and gaslighted his followers about it. His misogyny just adds an extra bitter taste to this.

At the end hbomberguy talks about how if Somerton was open about what he was doing this could've been his niche. He said it just as I was thinking basically the same thing. I'm sure there is a market for field review type of videos. Not review like movie or book review but in academic sense when you take other people articles on the subject and compare to show the state of research on the subject on at the moment.

This kind of reviews doesn't need any original research. The value is in giving people overview of where the field is at and pointing them to the actual research so they can read more in depth about the results. If you already did the search for all the sources this is a perfect format to use them. Most people don't have time or resources to comb through all the resources themselves but they like to learn about it and this is why videos like that are popular. That's why iilluminaughtii, Somerton and al. were able to cash in on it.

But of course this kind of things have to properly cited. And they cannot be just all quotes. You have to make coherent points not just make stuff up for the transitions (lies that actually made Todd in the Shadows make a video not about music). I suppose that's too much work. Too much effort when you need to crank out content to satisfy all the sponsors.

I was glad to find out I already watch most of the queer creators recommended in the hbomberguy's video (and put on this watch list) as an alternative (I would add Caelan Conrad to it - funnily enough I found them through their video about antivax movement). I trained my youtube recommendations well in which way it skews but it's easier to kick out all the obviously awful when you know what talking points to avoid. It's much harder to spot grift when it pretends to care about the same things you care about. Somerton was saying all the right things. It just wasn't his words.

Did he even believe any of it? I bet he'll insist on yes but the laziness says otherwise. It seems like it was all just for the money and fans this angle gave him. That he enjoyed being cool to the audience he built and the stuff it bought him. Be gay do crime for real. Only he didn't write that one either.

[thatsparrow]

can’t imagine the watcher decision wasn’t informed by the success of dropout, a streaming service I and many other people happily pay for, but this news undeniably feels like a disappointment in comparison, and am trying to articulate why:

1. amount of content. I can’t speak to when dropout first launched (I think I started subscribing late 2019?), but I know that when I joined, it already felt like there was an enormous backlog of series to explore—not to mention the amount that was also uploaded to youtube, albeit on a delay (I know I watched at least the first half of fantasy high s1 on youtube, if not the whole thing, and by the time I signed up for dropout, there was also s1 of unsleeping city, bloodkeep, tiny heist on the horizon, and s2 of fantasy high currently live streaming. not to mention the number of full episodes they'd uploaded to youtube of um actually, game changer, breaking news, etc. and how much more was then available on dropout)

I don't know what conversations were happening behind the scenes at dropout, I don't know in real-time what was subscriber-only and what was getting uploaded to youtube, or what the breakdown was of series getting created and solely released on dropout in comparison to content they were releasing for free. all I know is that when I heard about d20 and wanted to check it out, I was able to watch a good chunk via youtube, enough to know that I wanted more, and also to know that dropout had a whole lot else to offer that I was also curious about.

so that's one of the things that feels immediately different about the watcher announcement. they're teasing new series that will be available, but for the moment, it seems like everything that will currently be on the new platform is already available for free on youtube (to clarify, because there's been a lot of confusion on this front, they are not deleting their old content off youtube. all those videos are staying there). there's also a question of release schedule — are they talking about weekly episode releases of one season airing at a time, as was their youtube model, with stretches in between? I guess I come back to, if you're trying to go subscriber-only going forward (with the caveat that the first ep of a season will also get released on youtube, and also with the caveat that obviously dropout had to reach a certain level of success before it was able to release content at the volume, consistency and quality it does now), are you creating enough to justify the sort of wholesale transition they seem to be implementing? i'm not sure the answer is yes

2. paying/supporting artists. no one's arguing that you shouldn't pay or support artists, and there are incredibly valid critiques of how youtube hamstrings creativity and the issues with being beholden to advertisers. more creative freedom is a good thing. more independent artists is a good thing.

that said, it feels like there's a disconnect between what supporters are looking for from where there money is going and how watcher wants to spend it. the video really emphasized wanting to make tv-quality productions, and that they feel like they've hit a ceiling with the youtube business model in terms of achieving that aim, but are watcher fans looking for tv-quality productions? of the new series they mentioned, travel seemed like a pretty big element, which is obviously expensive. I think of new shows released on dropout, and they've clearly got solid production value behind them, but they're also still all filmed on a set (it's 3am in a warehouse!!) — even ambitious and expensive episodes of game changer are still basically shot in the same set of rooms, with the stakes raised from there (the escape room ep, bingo, etc.)

look, I don't work in digital media, and so I don't have a sense of what it costs to put on a show, but I can't help but look at some of watcher's stated ambitions that clearly need to have a significant budget behind them vs something like too many spirits (something I have to imagine has to cost a lot less, but which is just as enjoyable to watch) and wonder if part of the backlash has to do with how it feels like their current revenue is being spent/prioritized

and maybe the problem is that there's just a fundamental disconnect between the kinds of shows watcher wants to make, and what their audience is looking for, but if that's the case, it doesn't feel like moving to a subscriber-only system is the solution

[perplexingluciddreams]

Using the internet and technology with high needs autism

I have been trying to put this into words for a while, but due to the exact thing I am making the post about, it has been very difficult.

First of all, a short (ish - I am not the best at concise) background of me and technology: Used to play games on dad's phone, and later watch YouTube videos on family tablet (with parent restrictions). However, ability to navigate devices was very limited, and if something went wrong I just panic and give to an adult.

We used computers a bit in school for work and educational games. Every time we went to the "computer area" I would cry because I knew I wouldn't be able to find the webpage on my own, or sign in to something, or type in a word document. At these times in school, usually another pupil would just sigh loudly and then come and do the computer thing for me over my shoulder.

I had an MP3 player that I got for I think my 8 or 9th birthday. The only thing I knew how to do, was play music and google search. But I still didn't really understand what a "link" was, or how to find important information. We were supposed to learn online research skills in school, but nobody ever explained the most simple stuff to me, so I lack the basic knowledge.

I got my first phone at age 10. This was when I also first get Instagram, my first social media (parents set up for me). I was in a group chat for my school year, but the only time I put a message there is when mum asked me to ask a question, about a non-uniform day for example. Nobody interacted with me in there, and apart from the messages I don't know how to navigate the app. I posted a few pictures a few times, but only when someone else recommended, and I didn't interact online.

I have poor language comprehension, slow processing and take longer to learn new skills. My computer skills and especially typing skills are majorly behind my peers. I have slowly learned some skills allowing me to be even on Tumblr in the first place, but I still need a lot of support and it makes me very anxious. Part of my difficultly on social media, is the social interacting part. Mostly due to low interest.

But my biggest challenge is poor comprehension. I get very anxious and upset when I come onto Tumblr and all the posts I try to read don't make sense to me. Especially when the post is about a topic I care about - if I read it and I can't know what people mean, then I will just be very upset for the rest of the day.

Second biggest challenge, not being able to express opinions on important topics. Often, I can't even understand something. Then, I can't form an opinion because it's too complex. Or, I have an opinion, but I don't understand if someone agree or disagree with me from what they write.

I work so hard to gain skills and learn enough to even be here, and then all I can find about people like me is other people arguing about our existence. Want to express my frustration at this. To even write this post I had support from mum, and it takes all my mental energy.

It is true that I have low interest in socialising - direct impact of autism. So social media maybe not best place in the world for me, by default. But I still want to understand and be included. Not be treated like place to just ask "am I counting as high support needs". I don't understand even my own needs enough to answer this for myself - I definitely can't answer for anyone else.

A lot of my challenges, come direct from autism. That's just a fact. Wish it was easier, very often. But also wish it was easier online - I can't be part of outside community, only online.

I post here to express thoughts and feelings, that is also just what this post is doing. I did less big big edit on my words this time, wanted words to be closest to how I think it (don't think in words so not possible to show abstract thoughts direct, but closest to first translation).

[in-restless-walks]

okay i don't know sorry if this is a weird ask but right now im high and watching a youtube video of simon and garfunkel singin the boxer in the concert in central park and idk i got like a vibe from them so my question is are you a simon and garfunkel historian? do you know the context of their relationship during that moment? i don't know you i just searched simon and garfunkel and ended up in your blog so forgive me if you are not that kind of fan or something idk. i know that simon and garfunkel is big on tumblr but idk sometimes is like in a yaoi kind of way sometimes is like an ironic meme i dont know what im saying tbh im sorry for this. anyway if you don't know could you give me some blogs recomendations so i can ask them? is this a weird thing to ask? do i sound crazy? again im really high and this is taking too much to write because i don't know if i make sense sometimes i forget what word i put before the word i'm writing. anyway. can you help me with my issue? thanks a lot! oh for context i don't really know simon and garfunkel lore so just in case i need context i just know their relationship was like weird like sometimes they got along and then they missed each other or something? okay thanks! <3

Wow, okay, thanks for sending this, and first of all, I hope you enjoyed getting high, LOL. I guess there's nothing like getting high and starting to wonder about the yaoi side of Simon & Garfunkel.

I am not a Simon & Garfunkel historian, so to speak, but I have been a fan for quite some time and I have read all the biographies there are to read, I have done my fair share of research into them, so I do think I know a bit about the S&G "lore". Ever since the first time I saw the Concert in Central Park and seeing the same "vibe" you did during The Boxer, I've also 'shipped' them. That is to say, while I do not think that they were ever in a romantic relationship and everything that that entails, I don't rule out at all that anything of a sexual nature happened between them. Other people seem to think that too, hence the 'yaoi' posts you see on tumblr.

Their relationship was/is a really complicated one and I'm not sure any of us know exactly what happened to make them where they are now - supposedly on no speaking terms. I mean, Paul said in his recent documentary that Art turned from someone who 'got it for him" into someone he hopes never to see again, which...ouch x 1000.

For you and for everyone else getting into Simon & Garfunkel, here's a little crash course.

TL;DR they're both idiots who got along reasonably well if it wasn't about their professional business. Their creative differences re: music (and personal grievances) were always so large (as were their egos) that they followed a pattern of getting together to try (again), fought, were on no speaking terms for a decade, thought to give it another try, and repeat, ad infinitum. In fanfic terms, they are the epitome of strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to...

1950s

Paul and Art are childhood friends. They lived a few streets away from each other in Queens, NY, and they went to the same school. They're the same age, born three weeks apart. They formally met when they were eleven, at the school play for Alice in Wonderland (Paul was the White Rabbit, Art the Cheshire Cat). Soon after, they started recording songs in their basements, trying to copy their heroes, the Everly Brothers. They got signed by Big Records by someone called Sid Prosen, called themselves Tom (Art) and Jerry (Paul) and released a fairly successful single called 'Hey Schoolgirl' when they were 16, which even made them go on Dick Clark's American Bandstand show (footage sadly does not survive). Paul recorded a song by himself, without telling Art, while he called himself True Taylor, and Art found out, 'shattering' the friendship with Paul for the first time. (It seems to have never recovered to how it was before). I coin this the True Taylor Incident™️. Alledgedly they didn't speak to each other for a couple of years after graduating high school (1958-1962-ish). During that time, Art recorded a few songs as Artie Garr, and Paul did as well, as Jerry Landis.

1960s

Paul went to study in Queens College, NY, and Art went to Columbia University (there he met his blind roommate Sanford, which is a whole other interesting side story). Paul and Art got reacquainted with each other, performed as a duo again and managed to get signed to Columbia records to record an album in March 1964, which was to be released in October 1964.

Meanwhile, Paul often went to England and mainland Europe (France, Denmark, the Netherlands...) and there he met Kathy who became his girlfriend (Hence, Kathy's Song, and "Kathy I'm lost, I said" from America). He also recorded a solo album while in the UK, called The Paul Simon Songbook. Art went to visit him a few times.

Their first album, Wednesday Morning 3AM, flopped; Art stayed in school and Paul went back to the UK. The album did contain the song The Sound of Silence (acoustic version) and a really interesting thing happened in late 1965 when someone decided to put electric guitars to the track and suddenly it got airplay. Paul was in Denmark when the song was really starting to do well on the charts, and he had to rush home to NYC when the song became number one.

Then, Paul and Artie were suddenly famous! They quickly recorded another album with several songs that were on The Paul Simon Songbook, but now Art's harmonies were on there. They did a lot of tv performances in 1966 and 1967 and toured mainly in the college and university circuits. (I will link some tv peformances and so on later, in another post).

I'm skipping over some things now, but in my opinion, trouble for their relationship really began again when they started recording their album Bookends and Paul had been writing music for The Graduate (Mrs. Robinson) (1968). The director of The Graduate, Mike Nichols, had asked Art and Paul to act in his next movie, Catch-22, but Paul's scenes got cut, and Art went to Mexico on his own for the better part of the first half of 1969, just when they were supposed to record their next album, Bridge Over Troubled Water. Tensions ran super high at that time. Plus, Paul had written the song Bridge Over Troubled Water for Art to sing, but he later said that Art first refused to sing it (Art said that he wanted Paul to sing it in a lovely falsetto voice) and later, during concerts, Art took standing ovations while finishing the song, while Paul was jealous that he didn't get songwriting credits on stage. Paul also said that Art was leaving him to do movies...not long after Catch-22, Art got invited to play a role in Mike Nichols' next movie, Carnal Knowledge. (see also: Why Don't You Write Me...."if it's only to say that you're leaving me"). The whole Bridge Over Troubled Water album is one big breakup album.

Meanwhile, Paul had gotten married to Simon & Garfunkel's manager's ex-wife (I still can't fathom this) and Peggy also kind of encouraged him to go solo. Paul also claimed that his musical interests and Art's were drifting apart, so eventually, they split in 1970. Artie thought they were only taking a break, and allegedly he didn't realize they were really done.

1970s

Both starting solo careers, they reunited a few times as well, such as for the McGovern benefit concert in 1972, and most notably in the second Saturday Night Live episode in 1975 (tell me they're not flirting the whole time). Paul had even written a song, My Little Town, that the both of them performed for the reunion and was featured on both of their (solo) albums There was also a reunion for Paul's The Paul Simon Special (1977), the Brittania Awards (1977) and some other benefit concerts.

1980s

Paul was approached by a concert producer about playing in Central Park and maybe doing a few songs with Art, and Paul was like, I can't very well play support to Simon & Garfunkel, so it was decided that the whole concert was supposed to be the both of them. And time it was, what a time it was! Safe to say the concert was a success, even though they were fighting again (Art wanted to stay as close to the accoustic sets they used to do in the college performances, and Paul wanted a big band on stage). The interviews before the performance are awkward as usual, but it seems that for the performance itself they kind of set their differences aside, and they seem to be having a good time on stage, as good as it gets with these two. The back rub during The Boxer is...I can't explain it, but that was a lovely gesture by Art.

Because the concert in Central Park had been so successful, they were going to bank on that success and do a whole reunion tour AND a reunion album in 1982-1983, but that seems to have been a very miserable experience for them both. Their body language in interviews says it all. It culminated in Paul wiping Art's vocals from what was supposed to be their reunion album and releasing it as a solo album. Safe to say they were on no speaking terms again for a while, lmao, especially when their professional endeavours were concerned. They did hang out sometimes in private, because Paul had married Carrie Fisher and Art was seeing Carrie's friend Penny. Then Paul got famous with Graceland and Artie was once again, forgotten.

1990s

They got inducted in the Hall of Fame (another miserable experience), Paul did another concert in Central Park (without any sign of Art this time) and they did a few reunion concerts in NYC and so, but neither of them looked very happy about that, if you ask me. In fact, the less they had to look at each other, the better. There was apparently one instance where they were fighting and someone had to stand in between them, or they would have physically started attacking each other? Sounds like a lot of fun, huh? Start of another decade of not speaking to each other.

2000s

After getting a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, they thought it was a good idea to get together again and do a reunion your, and that seemed to work, for a while. They toured the United States (2003-2004), Europe (2004), Australia/NZ and Japan (2009) and were about to embark on yet some more shows in the fall of 2010, but then Art Lost His Voice (you can see this happening right in front of your salad at the April 2010 Jazz Fest, but they were still very chummy then).

What happened in 2010...no idea, but it wasn't good. And then Art made things much, much worse when he did an interview in 2015, called Paul a Monster, and idiot and a jerk, and how could he leave a successful formula like Simon & Garfunkel behind and no amount of groveling that Art has done since (like begging Paul to call him in an interview) has helped. They are still on no speaking terms.

Now all we can do is wait and hope they come to their senses and kind of make up before they die. Under no circumstances do I still want them to sing together, but damn, if all of us don't want them to just both sit on the edge of a park bench, like bookends, I don't know anymore.

My take on the whole thing: they were good friends as kids, Art never got over the True Tailor Incident and that stayed with him forever; he always saw Paul as someone who could betray him in the blink of an eye. Paul was envious of Art's looks (and height); meanwhile Art wasn't a songwriter, so Paul had that advantage over him. It's not a good balance to be in such a close partnership. Perhaps at one point something did happen between them, complicating things even more, because can you really hate someone that much if you don't have strong feelings for them either? In later years, it seems to be mainly the "creative differences" about the music that was causing a rift, but maybe after all is said and done, perhaps Carrie Fisher said it best "not only do I not like you, but I don't like you personally." Paul 'cheated' on Art with True Taylor and, like any other one half of a (married) couple, he tried to get over it, but never could. (and maybe Paul is a jerk lmao. But Art was no angel either).

I've skipped over a lot of things, so if you have more questions, shoot. There are quite a few of us who are posting regularly about them, and who know about everything I've written above. In fact, there's a Tumblr community on S&G now (see my pinned post) but so far there haven't been many people interested in joining, lol, so if you want in, let me know. People could do a lot more theorizing there, haha.

[noemitenshi]

Troy Otto and boundaries

so, here’s another rambly post coming from me. Over the years (omg! It’s already been years!) I’ve had a lot of thoughts about Troy and how he treats boundaries of others but also his own (both kinda like they were non-existent – or did he?)

Troy and other people’s boundaries

I think it’s clear, pretty much without debate that Troy just loves to step over boundaries, deliberately pushing against them. He does this with everyone (except maybe his dad) and he knows very very well what it is he’s doing.

One of the best scenes is unfortunately the deleted one with Luciana and him. I love that one, you can see the sheer delight in him about pushing her and saying more and more outrageous things

and then! She pushes back and he fucking loves it (also woops, that’s a point I wanted to come to a bit later…)

(Unfortunately this one doesn't show his expression... but don't take my word for it, watch the youtube video XD)

Anyway he pushes and I think there’s different reasons why he does so.

Information/insight. Troy loves to know things. Things about people around him, definitely. I think it has a lot to do with his childhood (actually you’ll see that’s a theme throughout all the reasons I’ve listed, except for: it’s fun). He grew up in a very unsafe environment, very unsteady for him (he never knew what could upset his parents right since that’s kind of how child abuse works…). And so knowing as much about what set them off, knowing as much as he could about their inner workings was crucial. And so he did it. And he never stopped doing that with people, trying to know what sets them off, how far he can go, what is far enough, and what happens if he goes too far.

Upper hand. Again I think this is rooted in how he grew up. That unstable environment, the feeling he never was safe translated to him needing to be in control, having the upper hand. And he does that by unbalancing his opponent, very deliberately. Put them in an unsafe space or at least one that’s uncomfortable so it doesn’t happen to him. So they are focused on getting out of that, and he is safe.

Trauma-response (isn’t it all?). I think there are two parts here.

The one is again about him having felt unsafe so long throughout his childhood that he expects that to happen. But no one wants to be a victim. No one wants to just sit around and let things be done to them. Least of all Troy. So if he has to feel unsafe he much rather be in control of that. He much rather put himself in those situations instead of being put into them by others. And that’s what he does, pushing and pushing knowing full well people could push back. Could have enough of him at one point.

And that’s the other thing. I think he wants people to push back. He wants people to say ‘up to here and no farther, you hear me!?’ Because he does cave when people do. When Jake does he backs down at least a little. When Madison does he backs down too. Never easily and he may try again. But for the moment he does. I think he needs the structure of that. Of other people consistently(!!!) telling him where the boundaries are. He also never had that, it was always arbitrary. And he’s searching for something to make sense to him, for something that will click. And for people to not be afraid to tell him that (which, from what it looks like, a lot of the ranch people are). To care enough maybe in a way even, to tell him, so that it makes sense. I even do think that someone expressing boundaries may even be like a trust thing for him (depending on how it’s done of course haha, tone matters. Words too (looking at you, Jake)). By that I mean that he feels like he is trusted by that person. Some kind of sign of affection, even.

It’s fun. Do I really have to explain that XD

He low-key has a deathwish. That’s a whole other post.

Troy and his own boundaries.

Now, Troy is as bad let’s say at keeping/protecting his own boundaries as he is respecting the others’.

He lets Jake push him around (ok except for that one time he hit Jake,

but, notably, it had been about the ranch then, about people leaving it scaring the ones left behind. It’s also this that makes him tell Mike to “Lock it down.” in ep6

The desire to protect the ranch and the same for when he tells Madison 'shut up, shut up.'

It's about the mission, it's about his people following him and that is why he speaks up), he let’s Madison push him around. Even Nick. Awfully ok with people waving guns in his faces or otherwise threatening him.

And, you guessed it, I do think this also is rooted in his childhood. He never had been allowed to have boundaries, there was no respect for them there (both physical and emotional abuse will do that to a person). And so he never really learned how to protect them (or that it was ok to do so). Possibly the only time he actually is defending his boundaries is when he gets angry (out of control) and then it is in no way an adequate response but way over the top.

But the fact that he doesn’t respect his own boundaries isn’t only manifesting in how he let’s other people physical or verbally push him around (dismissing his insights, too). It’s also notable in the way he takes to Madison. He’s all in, very early on, just breezing through normal steps of building a relationship, no caution. This is something that can also result from having one’s own boundaries ignored from very early on, an abnormal behavior let's say in forming attachments.

And he does the same with Nick. “I think we can be friends now” he said to him the second he thought Nick was worth it XD Worth which Nick proved by… waving a gun in his face (there’s that deathwish again, his fascination with danger…)

In conclusion Troy Otto's boundary issues are mostly rooted in trauma. It's a way to protect himself but at the same time a search (honestly a cry by this time) for someone to set boundaries. Consistently and respectfully. And maybe even a cry for someone to respect his own boundaries but I think that one is buried even further in him. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[ladadee195]

Ladadee meets Legends of Avantris at Too Many Games 2024 (LONG POST read at your discretion)

I'm not one to write up a trip report cause I'm firmly in the "no one gives a shit." camp but for this I feel like people will get a kick out of my anxious distress over the past two days and I know those that couldn't make it would also appreciate it.

I knew a few months ago that when LOA said they were gonna be at TMG that I could go, its only an hour away from me. I'd gone to TMG back in 2019 to meet Brandon Rogers of Youtube and Helluva Boss fame and even then I didn't get HALF as nervous as I did the past two days. I was a shaking hyperventilating mess. Embarrassing, truly.

Friday was worse then Saturday.

First off, we'd barely parked in the parking lot when we see Andy casually strolling across the parking lot and get into his very nice red mustang, nice to see where the car vlogs happen!

By the time we got to the booth I could barely breath but I wanted to grab my free pin and say hi first. I want to disclaimer this by stating that I realize LOA tries really hard to make it perfectly clear that the Party and fam are regular people that work hard to produce their content and be successful at what they do without being celebrities or influencers. Logically, I know this and I respect the hell out of it. However my hyperfixated brain and general anxiety made it incredibly hard for me to remain CALM. Its really hard to remain calm when you've been watching them by yourself alone in your room hours upon hours and then suddenly there they are in real life before you, talking to YOU! How am I meant to be remain calm?

Anyway, I met Andy and Nikkie. Talked briefly with Andy and just generally embarrassed myself but he's so cool ya know and is probably used to it all things considered. I asked them both to sign my Cake Chad shirt, both we're happy to do so and I got a great hug from Nikkie. After that I cut my losses and decided to move on. Their meet and greet wasn't for a few hours and we were hungry. When the meet and greet came, I jumped in line to get a picture. It went really quick and I got no chance to really talk to them but they were super awesome and I love the picture! I knew they were TALL but god I felt like a hobbit.

The live show wasn't until 7:30 so we left the con to check into our hotel and relax for a few hours. It was a nice break and I finally got to breath. We returned to the con and got seats for the live show.

if you haven't already seen other's overviews or the whole video I wont spoil anything but it was SO good. I was so curious about what they could possibly do for a one shot but holy shit was that amazing. Its always interesting and fun to attend live shows with cheering and laughter and suggestive whistles. Gives one a sense of community you only ever get a taste of on here or discord.

Afterwards we went back to our hotel and rewatched the whole show on the live stream LOL

Saturday I was much calmer because I had a goal. Get the whole parties signatures and not be embarrassing.

We did a lot of waiting cause the con opened at 11 and again their meet and greet was at 3 but we managed to pass the time well enough and then we got back in line. An readers when I tell you how amazing it went!?? I was very proud of myself even though I was still nervous and shaky I did much better.

They all were super cool and signed my Hootise shirt. I still geek out thinking about it! But the best thing happened. Richie saw my Gideon/Kremy candy bead bracelet I'd made myself and legit forgot I'd worn for this exact reason. This is how that went. Richie: is that a Kremy and Gideon candy bracelet?

Me: YES!I forgot I had that on!

Richie: thats the best I gotta get a picture and show Mace.

I was DYING omfg. The two behind the ship SAW my ship bracelet??? still freaking out. I decided that I should have made ones for them. I convinced myself they wouldn't like them, I know better now for next time.

After they'd all signed my shirt I gave them my thanks and MAYBE acted a little embarrassing when I told them name and that I was already in the discord but as I said earlier they're so cool and awesome I doubt they noticed me being like that.

i felt like even though it was short I had a really good moment with them which is all I really wanted.

I regret a lot of things. Like the fact that I had plans on making them gifts but ran out of time due to me being sick like right up until Friday and being so nervous and scared and I acted only a little crazy. I know next time (PAXUnpluged in Dec?) I'll be much better prepared.

I hope those that cared to read this very long post enjoyed my little overview. Just remember even though you may be scared and nervous to do something, you still should cause you never know how great it might be at the end.

[kay0783]

I have some questions for those who are autistic/neurodivergent and have AHDH:

1) How long did it take for you to get diagnosed and

2)What advice would you give to those who believe they *might* be on the spectrum?

To put a long story short, one of my favorite animators on YouTube released a video talking about how she was diagnosed with AuDHD. I've always been a big fan of hers because I felt like I could relate to her, even though I could never pin point why. Once I watched the video and she explained all her symptoms/the way she functioned, I realized that (nearly) everything she spoke about is something I can relate to and struggle with.

I just want to clarify that in no way shape or form am I trying to "claim" having ADHD or autistic without any diagnosis. Ever since I realized I relate to the youtuber's overall functioning, I started doing some research and popped into some neurodivergent social media communities just to see what other peoples' lives were like with an official diagnosis. And 🥳surprise🥳... I once again found myself relating to a lot of experiences people were talking about.

What I've come across in some general research is that:

A) autism is caused by a genetic mutation + genetics (pls correct me if I'm wrong)

Genetic mutations run in my family and I even have a family member who suspects they are on the spectrum as well

B) Autism, specifically in women and girls, is often misdiagnosed as other disorders.

When I was 11 I was diagnosed with 8 mood disorders (a variety of anxiety and depression disorders), and vaguely remember a comment on some sort of platform that being diagnosed with an absurd amount of disorders is usually a sign that there is a much bigger, underlying issue at hand.

And C) not everyone with autism or AuDHD functions the same, yet there is not much research done on women with autism.

Again, I've read that there are many 'quirks' and ways in which neurodivergent people act, think, and speak. It's just kinda frustrating because my whole life I've been suffering with a mountain of other disorders and have had to be prescribed medications and go through a fuck tone of therapy sessions......all for something that doctors may not have picked up on, and misdiagnosed.

In no way do I mean to bash any medical professionals. I get that there's not a lot of understanding of what autism is like in other groups other than white, cis males (again, no offense, it's just what I've read). For crying out loud, my own mother worked YEARS as a special Ed teacher for students with down syndrome and are extreme cases of autism, but that kinda adds to my frustration because if she never noticed anything, then am I making this all up??? Am I losing my mind??? It sure feels like it. But at the same time it doesn't because when I read posts from people with autism and ADHD, so many things start piecing themselves together and just. make. sense. Idk how to word it. I do so many things that make it hard to function day-to-day, and when I listen to others like me, I feel seen and heard for the first time. For the first time I'm thinking that I might not be crazy.

So, long story (not so) short, is it worth me looking into getting an assessment? What if the medical professionals don't believe me? How long does it take to get a diagnosis?

(If there are any medical professionals out there who are willing and able to give some advice, please feel free to comment).