#VentPosts

[numbersareimaginary]

Mom texts me after first day of classes:

"How was your first day?"

"Good, mom, [blah blah blah infodump about classes and profs, genuinely feel good about convo even if she's being kinda distant in her replies]. Hey can we call rq so I can tell you easier?"

"Sure."

*Call*

*Goes to voicemail three times*

Swear to god

[frost-felon]

...I'm gonna get my ass killed if I ever do a genuine deep dive for it, but gotta say:

No, Nobara was never a particularly well-written girl character.

She had her moments, to be sure. Like in the Origin of Obedience Arc, and part of her death (the flashback part has some serious issues, mainly in regards to its timing¹, but the 'chairs' part of the scene is The Good Shit™).

But like. She was always noticeably bereft of plot threads/things to do, particularly in comparison to Megumi and Satoru. Hell, she gets thrown out of most battles she's in, to the point that Megumi comments on it during OfO:

Her argument with Nishimiya is a travesty, to the point that I don't even want to go over it outside of a deep dive.

Her admiration of Maki is one of the few cool things about her character, but it's not a particularly emphasized or, uhhhh, 'revolutionary' thing. Sure ain't no Utena, lmao.

I like Nobara! But she was always playing fifth-fiddle to Megumi, had few unique interactions with Gojo-sensei, and mainly acted as a support to Yuji (she literally dies in part to further traumatize Yuji in and out of universe, lmao). Hell, you can make the argument that she was having minor hints to getting romantically involved with Yuji before her death.

This isn't to pit Nobara fans against Megumi fans, Yuji fans, or even Satoru fans; but like, I was so flabbergasted when I read up to 145 initially, 'cause...well-written girls and women? Where??? Maki and Mai were the closest, and barely fleshed-out, all the same.

My hot take: Nobara was NEVER better-written or designed than Haruno Sakura (manga, Studio Pierrot fucked her over).

¹Something similar happened with Nanami almost dying to Mahito, but since he survives that and continues to have story presence, it isn't as big of an issue. It's definitely worth comparing, though.

[itztrice]

A W.I.P While i rant

I decided to take a break from all my socials, (discord, whatsapp, youtube, tiktok etc) and idk how long the break will be . im thinking up into october. I dont know, i need it but i dont think people will miss me that much anyway, i didnt really have many online friends anyway and they've all kinda told me my MH seems 'fake' in some way or another - indirect or directly. So ive just decided to cut contacts. people are freely allowed to talk to me whenever they need, and i stand by that. but i will not be so willing to comfort you and support you everyday when you dismiss my own feelings, or openly admit you hate people checkin on you. plus, i cant go into details whats wrong because half the time i dont know myself, or its information i cant share because the POLICE are involved and its a legal matter. the picture below consists of a work in progress for OC lore that im working on. ive seperated myself from any fandoms and are solely working on the two characters called Star and Ri. Ri is Star's creator and ancestor, so she is the person in the picture. Star is the creature holding the candle.

[ratboy]

[zcyth4]

[starlit-warren]

augh chronic pain my beloathed

my baseline level of pain is around a 4 but chest pain (in sternum usually, sharp pain, we hate it) is a 6 usually (we HATE it) and it is very horrible and bad. chronic pain my beloathed

[bitter---wing]

my physical form is throwing error message after error message

[herprecioustreasure]

Please dont leave me

Please want me

Please need me

[hikikomisa]

please can this shit just end 

[nyancrimew]

i forget what i look like

[molabuddy]

sometimes talking to other people genuinely feels trying to fit my whole flesh and bones body through the tinyest little hole in an otherwise incredibly thick and solid concrete wall. but whatever

[tw1stedthicket]

You know what fucking sucks? Religion, particularly Christianity and its many forms, instills in you from birth that you are inherently unworthy, flawed to the point of unlovability, and your natural state is one of sinfulness and offensiveness to God and all that is good. You are systematically taught all your life that your worth comes in your redemption, and in the way you can let shame mold you into someone more subservient, obedient, and loyal to "God's path" or "God's ways". Your worthiness (all your self-worth, that is) is contingent on how much you can make up for the badness inside you, and become a vessel for light and God's power and whatnot. In the Mormon Church, I distinctly remember a leader very beloved by myself and many others, made his personal branding all about healing from your brokenness and how our lives can be meaningfully spent stumbling and stumbling and stumbling our way toward God again, and despite losing our way or even crawling on our hands and knees in despair or frustration, we are redeemed in our consistent "trying" for the right path and to be the right person/saint/disciple.

And then you deconstruct. However that comes about for you. The world opens up more, and you harbor more genuine feelings for others. You comprehend the limits of conditional love and perhaps glimpse at something more unconditional and free in the people who do accept you, and you feel real relief in their patience with you, that now there is so much more out here, and, and, and wow who knew that there could be so much joy in owning your choices and not having to be right and there is so much you were wrong about!! And...

There is so much you were wrong about.

And you see the gate open for you-- stretched wide with newfound possibilities, but surrounding it is so many fences. You have built up conditions around yourself and others your whole life. You still have maligned ways of understanding for some things, because embedded in you is patterns and ways of being from years, and even in your truest expression of who you are, you will find that you have been touched by what you were taught. And you were terribly wrong not in thought or opinion only but in your judgment. Your controlling. Your policing. Your defensiveness. Your need to be right. Your need to correct, to fix, to "save", to convert, even when you thought you were this vessel for light and the highest expression of love was in showing others "the right way to be" under the guise of sharing this love on a mission or unrelenting invitations or even your "example" -- you were enforcing the harshest punishment on others what you received from God: that others were not enough, and broken, and flawed.

And it feels like it was true that you are inherently sinful. That you shouldn't trust yourself. That your intuition is wrong. You are a cruel and uncaring person, and you could be domineering and unempathetic and disingenous even outside of it all, even when belief no longer burdens you, and you are in need of redemption. To fix yourself...to be worthy again.

It's hard to know and feel my way through what I need to do to make things right in a way that is not self-martyrdom, like falling before a cross and admitting your sins and expecting there to be a divine judgment received that may absolve you. The truth is, is people may not forgive you. Or if they do, they might not want you in their life again, or as closely as it was before. But you can't let shame be what motivates you or tempers you into the shape of someone contrite and pure because forgiveness is only as free as your sincere apology is, unconditionally, and...recognition that you had a choice, you are responsible for it even if not responsible for the driving factor behind it in your religious indoctrination, but you have to recognize you are *NOT* inherently flawed and unworthy. It's hard to believe that you are worthy either way of having friends, having trust, having connection, having authenticity. If you are also from a dysfunctional/abusive home, your boundaries and shame are even more blurred.

I wish I had more answers, but I think the truth is in what religion perverted: love can be the solid motivator for your change. My friendships helped me get out, the ones who chose to be patient with me. It's hard for me to not view their patience as generosity, like God's, when I was inherently undeserving of it, but I try to accept that what was more likely is that they had boundaries, and maybe that's more realistic and important than any notion of perfect, 'unconditional' love. I doubt they came to me with everything, all their thoughts or fullest self. I believe they more than likely said and did certain things to assauge me or learned what was off the table and what wasn't to talk about or do. But they also saw that I was lovable despite my flaws in a non-black and white way - holding space for contradictions like that as if it didn't mean damnation. Even the friends I have grown apart with have never treated me like I wasn't enough. That's not a concept to them. They may have drawn stricter boundaries for themselves, but they were kinder than any God I knew to always treat me with respect even in their distance, and in that way, it holds me more accountable because it acknowledges that I am capable of being a good person. An open-minded, nonjudgmental, caring, accepting person, even if imperfectly. But it's up to me and my choices. Maybe it's not about redemption, but trust. I know my deconstruction is going to probably be lifelong. I know I have so much to learn and experience. But I am grateful for the patience and love of people who saw me not through the lens of religion because they were the ones who helped me get out and get free and be the best version of myself. I hope I can rid myself of my shame and rather understand that the most important work in redemption is not about fashioning myself into an un-boundaried, unassuming, self-sacrificing, or overbearing "light" for a deity that cares only about my loyalty, with a kindness that is about changing people more than getting to just be human with them and accept them, with bludgeoning myself with amorphous and nebulous values of goodness and righteousness that have me putting on a mask to diffuse what is actually authentic about connection; that it is more so my duty and my privilege to get to *earn* the *trust* of other people through being the kind of person that I know I have had within me, perhaps not always embodied, but within me, all along -- not inherently bad, but worthy of love and friendship.

[frost-felon]

"Where's Maki?" Actually so true. Where TF is she. She wasn't involved in Kenjaku VS. Takaba (feat. Yuta and Ui Ui). Last we saw her in present times was right before Kashimo did the funny, right? So, like...Gege removed everything unique about her and made her into Femme Toji. Is she going to have involvement in the plot? Or is she damned to do this single-file fight thing that Gege's mostly been sticking to?

Hopefully she comes in during Yuta's fight, but that might just end up with both of them dead...

[effemimaniac]

not gonna let myself go back to living how I used to I need to hang out with people in the flesh and chill and vibe and maybe even be touched from time to time

[megaturtle1012]

Oh, you wouldn't be saying this if you were facing the Archie version of Dr. Eggman.

Instead of hoping he's "come around and change his ways someday", I think you'd probably want him dead.

Just a little thing that bothers me about how Ian Flynn writes Sonic after the Archie comic's cancelation. (It's Sonic the Hedgehog, not Steven Universe!)

It's like if Batman started being like "Maybe someday, the Joker will come around and start using his comedic talents for entertainment instead of murder".

[beatsboy]

i dont need to talk to my ex i can get all my toxic needs met by annabel lee and lenore every time i take a shit