#VERY asky today

[stealingpotatoes]

Do you think if Padmé joined Vader, she would be the Dark Empress? Like, her politics and Vader's strength. The most powerful empire ever.

if you want an absolutely INCREDIBLE empress padmé fic, plz read @spell-cleaver's The Protégé. any answer i give to this ask would inevitably devolve into rabid praise of that fic loll so i'm just starting with "read itttt"

[sweetluvletter]

It may be a normal Saturday to you, but still. Happy Birthday!!!

hehehe thank you vi!!!!! I'm very excited but i don't wanna be too annoying about it yknow? im most excited about changing all my bios everywhereeeee

[kcrossvine-art]

Hi fellow adventurers!! A few weeks ago i caught wind of "Delicious in Dungeon". I'm not really an anime person, but I am a TTRPG, CRPG, and cooking person- . And holy shit. It is so good i  convinced my partner to binge read the whole thing. I'm caught up on dungeon meshi, the anime, and just yesterday i also finished dungeon meshi, the manga.

Its rare to come across a serialized story that is so thematically cohesive and knows its characters so well. All of the bonus content like the artbooks and monster tidbits are just the icing on top.

So, inspired by Ryōko Kui's writing and illustration I'm going to attempt to create a recipe for every single Delicious in Dungeon recipe!-

Today that means Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot is on the menu!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot?” YOU MIGHT ASKThis is one of the pricier dishes until we get to the kelpies and dragons of the menu-

Rock lobster tail

Porcini mushrooms

Shiitake mushrooms

Snow fungus

Small potatos

Fensi (glass noodles)

Water

OPTIONAL: your choice of dipping sauces

There was a crossover/promotional event in Shibuya which featured various realworld dishes from the series. They had one for Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom, but they used prawns.  while those cook better in a hotpot, they also didn't look enough like the scorpion for me, they also used udon noodles for the slime and a seaweed/kale(?) mixture for the algae. If you're looking for substitutes due to price or availability i would start with those ingredients.

AND, “what does a Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom hotpot taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKI hope Senshi would forgive me for technically cooking the lobster outside the pot, once he tastes it.

Okay im always partial to veggies but wowowowowowowoowowowow the snow fungus and the mushrooms tasted soooooooooooo good in the lobster stock

A nice delicate layering of different flavors

Try to get a bite with the lobster meat and shiitake together, dip in butter then chili- trust me

Its up to you what texture you prefer if you want to put the noodles in at the end or put them in halfway through the meal. Either way dont go for eating those first as theyre very filling

I think this would pair well with a citrus drink, something light and clarifying

This would also pair well with being extremely high and hungry (if you feel safe cooking while inebriated lol) very calorically dense

For the trial run I did one lobster tail in the pot with everything else, and one lobster tail off to the side to be picked apart. The former is more in spirit with a hotpot, but it got rubbery as the meal went on and lost its nice taste. The latter may be a bit more work but all you have to do still is boil it and set it aside. I found it held up much better. It was also easier to get inside the shell.

. If you have hardshell maine lobster available, i think it would be superior to rock lobster (keep in mind crustaceans will get rubbery if cooked too long in the pot) . Green onions and/or lotus root would make excellent additions

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From getting the ingredients out to sitting down and eating, id say it took maybe 30 minutes max? It'd vary on how fast you can prep vegetables and get the various implements heated.

Hotpots are not something i do very often as i'm usually just feeding myself. I think thats why a hotpot makes perfect sense to start the series off. If you want to set the tone of "take care of yourself, eat food with others, and use what you have" (generally speaking) there is nothing more simplistic, flexible, and defeats-the-purpose-if-you-eat-it-alone than a hotpot. Gather around and let your friends bring ingredients to the pot if you want to fill your heart up extra full <3

I'm doing something different here because unlike previous recipes where i used a bunch of different sources and made my own recipe out of hodge-podging it, or just used another persons recipe entirely if they did it really well, i made this more whole-cloth based off of what i had available, what I could discover through research, and my existing knowledge. Instead of the recipe being 50/50 original, this one is more 20/80. So. I'll pass the final verdict off to you guys :D 

What would you rate this recipe out of 10? (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Did you love it, did you hate it? What're your thoughts on what I could do different, and what would you have done instead?

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 Rock lobster tails

3 Porcini mushrooms

2 Shiitake mushrooms

Snow fungus (a good handful, should rehydrate in the hotpot)

2 Small waxy potatos

Fensi (glass noodles)

Water/lobster stock

Method:

Lightly rinse all of your vegetables beforehand and let them dry.

Vertically slice the porcini mushrooms. Cut off and dice the stems of the shiitake mushrooms. You can slice the tops if youd like.

Peel and cube the potatoes, roughly an inch each.

For the lobster tails; Boil a pot of salted water. Keep the shell on. Weigh the largest tail and add 1 minute of cooking time for every ounce of weight.

When done, strain the lobster from the water. Pour the water into your hotpot as the base. Serve the lobster on the side so people can pick the meat out to dip into the hotpot.

Bring the hotpot to a simmer. Add the potato cubes, snow fungus, mushrooms, and noodles.

OPTIONAL: this wasnt in the show, but its fun having sauces on the side :) i had oyster sauce, dry seasoned chili dip, melted butter, and soy sauce available

[koiiiji]

Can you write a ryohei x reader fic? Maybe headcanons or first date or first meeting

author's note ; we don’t know much about Ryohei, so it’s probably gonna be ooc🫡

again sorry for such long response🫶🏻🥹

first meeting

i can imagine that first meeting gonna happen really randomly and quickly - like you probably new in town, and was really in hurry for your university entrance exams. so you asked the first person you saw to explain you the way to university, and it turned out to be Ryohei!

he is usually collected, and quickly orients himself when someone approaches him on the streets, but now, when your inquisitive and intense gaze was directed at him, he was confused

your wide eyes were looking up at him, waiting for an answer, and the only thing Ryohei could think about at that moment, was that he could drown in your beautiful (e/clr) eyes

but he still quickly came to his senses, and clearing his throat, showed you where you need to run. you quickly thanked him and disappeared around the corner, and Ryohei stood there for a moment, watching you go, and walked on, smiling stupidly to himself, remembering how funny you pouted your lips when his reverie dragged on

first date

it seemed like fate itself continued to bring you together, because you meet him again just right after your exams

today was definitely your day! thanks to a stranger on the street, you managed to take the university and entrance exams, which you successfully passed, and now you are excitedly texting your parents with happy news, but…

*bum* you bumped into someone's chest while you were walking along the sidewalk with your face buried in your phone. you rubbed your forehead, and guiltily looked up, ready to apologize profusely, just to meet someone terribly familiar

after muttering an apology, you kept looking at the stranger, not understanding why he also didn’t look away and continued to smile. and finally his question brought you out of your trance

“how were the exams, nerd” he said softly, smiling as his gray eyes looked down at you, and you opened your mouth to say something, but he already interrupted you, laying out his assumption, “i can tell by your face, that everything went well,” he chuckled, rubbing back of his head

blushing and smiling back at him, you looked down and fidgeted with your fingers. stranger was very handsome. but it's a shame to ask a guy out on a date at the first meeting. you don't even know the names of each other. and it’s weird to aski him. he helped you on the street right? he was just polite, there is definitely no point asking hi-

“my name is Ryohei. i know a good coffee shop not far from here. do you want to go there together? it seems that now you need to get to know this city better” he held out his hand for a handshake, giving you another soft smile. it seems like you've definitely hit the jackpot today

[tessa-liam]

A Royal Misadventure

Book: The Royal Romance Finale

A Smoke & Mirrors AU series one shot

Pairing: King Liam Rys x F!MC Queen Riley Brooks-Rys OTP 

Rating: Teen 

Category: fluff

Warnings: a couple of swear words 

Words: 1167 

Prompt: Inspired by an ask from @peonierose 

“I was wondering how would your MC/ OC embarrass their kids? Or the other way around?” 

__The Palace Courtyard___ 

The first week of the social season was officially underway which meant that it was time for the annual royal garden party. On a balmy, early summer afternoon, it was one of those events that managed to bring together nearly all the key players of the royal court, politicians, diplomats, nobles and close friends of the king and queen together.

Liam was busy talking with Ana de Luca and other reporters from national press outlets, while Riley was surrounded by ladies from the court who were pestering her with endless courtly questions. 

-And the five-year-old twin princes had gone missing.  

"Shit! ... Fuck!" ... Leo growled under his breath when he realized his twin nephews were missing after searching the hedge maze. Drake, sitting with Maxwell near the outdoor bar, looked at the frazzled former crown prince in amusement as he downed a full glass of scotch. 

“Rys?! What did you do?” Drake stifled his laugh, as Leo muttered to himself ..."I told them not to go in there. I've no idea how they even got out." 

"I think that's the point of a maze, Uncle Leo, to get lost," eleven-year-old crown princess Eleanor said matter-of-factly, rolling her eyes. 

That’s all it took for Drake and Maxwell to explode in laughter, shaking their heads. 

"You know, sometimes you are too smart for your own good," Leo said, scowling at his niece while ignoring the snickering and chortling of his friends. 

Eleanor cheekily grinned at her uncle. Leo stared at her, thinking to himself that she's been spending time together with her dad far too much lately, sighed in frustration.

"Do you want some help looking for them?" she asked sweetly. 

"You'd do that? Your mom would kill me if she found out that I let you go alone. She already is annoyed that I let you play hide and seek with them the other day.” 

"Why are you so desperate to find them? I'm sure the nannies are with them." 

"I'm the only one who knows their hiding spot and I can't even find it, so I have to look." 

"What's in it for me?" 

"You get to hang out with your cool uncle," he smirked. 

"I've already hung out with you enough for today," she replied with sass.

"Oh, come on, Ellie, do you really want to sit around with all these snobs and old people. I thought you hated this stuff." 

"Fine, I'll help, but only because you called me Ellie, and if Mom catches us, we'll both be in big trouble." 

Leo smiled to himself. He loved getting his way. 

Eleanor, however, was very clever and observant. She'd figured out the hiding place a few days ago. She wasn't going to let Leo know, but she decided it would be fun to mess with him a little. 

She took him through the maze, making it seem like she was actually looking, but leading him around in circles. 

"This is never going to work. What are we going to do when Mom realizes they are missing?" 

"I don't know, Ellie. They were here a moment ago, and now they're gone," Leo replied. 

She was interrupted by an eruption of laughter from the bushes, as the twin princes jumped out. 

As Eleanor and Leo turned into the center of the maze, Mara, Riley's personal guard, called out, "Princess Eleanor, your mother and father are aski..." 

"We were right here the whole time, Uncle Leo," said William, laughing. 

"Ha! Ha! You two little shits!" Leo exclaimed sardonically, yet relieved.

"Mommy said you aren't supposed to say bad words, Uncle Leo," Stefan said. 

"I'll deal with you later," he grumbled. 

___ 

Returning to the courtyard, Eleanor took her place beside her father as he and Riley chatted with Ana de Luca and her crew. 

"There's my favorite 11 year old," said Ana de Luca. 

"Are you here to interview me?" Eleanor asked. 

"Actually, yes, I was hoping to get some insight from our future queen." 

Eleanor rolled her eyes, and turned her attention to her parents, who were watching the exchange with amusement. 

"How are you enjoying the social season so far?" 

"It's great, everyone is really nice," Eleanor replied diplomatically, sounding bored. 

"Okay, Princess Eleanor, Cordonians want to know.  It's your parent's wedding anniversary coming up.... can you share some secrets about your mom and dad?" 

Eleanor glanced over at her parents, and they gave her a nod of encouragement. 

"Sure, what do you want to know?" she replied. 

"How does the King and Queen show their love?" 

"Sometimes, Daddy plans surprise date nights for my mom, like picnics in the hedge maze or candlelit dinners." 

"That's very romantic. Anything else?" 

"Hmm, Mommy leaves little love notes for Daddy in his study, and he keeps them all in a special box. And they always hold hands and they hug a lot." 

"I see, that is very sweet. Your parents live a very hectic life. How do they support each other?" 

"Daddy always holds my mom's hand when she's nervous, like during official events or speeches." 

"Do you think they still love each other like they did when they first met?" 

"Definitely! I overheard my mom telling Auntie Hana that she and Daddy are still best friends and have so much fun together. Sometimes, I hear them talking and laughing late into the night in their room. They have inside jokes that only they understand, and then they burst into laughter together.'" 

"Awww. That is so adorable," said Ana de Luca, before turning to face the camera. 

"You heard it here first, the King and Queen are still in love and living the happily ever after they always wanted." 

Liam and Riley smiled proudly, as Liam snaked his arm around her waist, gently pulling her closer to him. 

"Thanks, Ellie, that was amazing," Riley beamed, giving her daughter a high five. 

"Yes, Eleanor, you did a wonderful job," Liam added, smiling with pride.

"Thanks, Ellie," said Leo. "Maybe someday soon you can run the kingdom with your smarts." 

Eleanor giggled, "Yeah, maybe." 

___Thank you for reading___

📌 @peonierose

📌 @choicesficwriterscreations

📌 my tag list:

@bascmve01 @busywoman @kristinamae093 @differenttyphoonwerewolf @kingliam2019 @ao719 @alj4890 @emkay512 @karahalloway @twinkleallnight @malblk21 @tinkie1973 @queenmiarys @emersyn-in-cordonia @dutifullynuttywitch @charlotteg234 @lovingchoices14 @kyra75 @imjusthereforliam @jared2612 @walkerdrakewalker @imashybish @703cowbarn @irisk12 @thesvnsins

[kouchabu-archive]

Koisuru Scramble - Chapter 1

Writer: Nishioka Maiko Translation by: Sophie // Proofread by: Mirei

NOTE: I EXPLICITLY PROHIBIT USAGE OF ANY PART OF MY TRANSLATIONS ON ANYTHING THAT RELATES TO AI.

This story is fully voiced in-game! You should read while listening to it~

Episode 1: Scramble of Meetings

< Spring — during the time when Sakura trees aren't in full bloom yet. >

< From this day on, Koino Hajime is a second year student. >

< I styled my hair a little neater than usual. I also left my house earlier than usual. >

< And with a little hope in my heart, I wished that something special will happen today. >

< But unfortunately… >

< Now I have to run with all my might! >

Hajime: Huff… Ah… Hah… Oh no, I’m gonna be really late!

Hah… Okay, 8:20am. Thank God. I think I can make it just in time!

(How come I dropped my favorite keychain today of all days?)

(I just had to run back for it. So much for leaving the house early.)

(At least I was lucky enough that someone surrendered it to the lost and found.)

(Ugh. I’m sure my face’s just super sweaty now. Don’t even mention how unruly my hair became! It took me forever to do this…)

(But I have to make a run for it, so I guess it’s fine! I can’t afford to be late on the first day of school after spring break.)

(It’s not like I have such high expectations… but well, I finally got into a new class, and I started to feel more comfortable in this uniform.)

(I just kind of wish that today would be special~ Like, maybe I’ll have some sort of a fateful meeting with my fated one, or something~)

(But of course, that’s just nothing but a far-fetched dream, huh…)

(Is this divine punishment for having just a little bit of hopes and dreams? Even so, do I really have to be this unlucky? Dear God, that’s just unfair! Stupid!)

...Oh, there it is! Yumenosaki’s famous six-way intersection! Just a little bit more and I’ll finally get to school!

(I've always thought about it, but… this is such a strange way to construct a road. Well, I guess that’s exactly where it got its fame.)

(But this road is just full of blind spots. I can never ever get used to it.)

Uwah–?!

Augh… Ow, ow, ow… My butt hurts. I really just had to hit the pavement that hard, huh? What's with my luck today…

Eiki: I’m sorry for bumping into you. Are you alright?

Hajime: Ah, I’m sorry, too! Thanks for aski—”

(Waahh… What a beautiful person. And he’s wearing our school unifor— wait. Huh?)

Eiki ‧ Miki: ….....

Konatsu ‧ Mahiro: ….....

Hajime: (Huh? Four guys are suddenly reaching to help me up?!)

(U-Um… W-Whose hand should I take?)

< And wait… aren’t these guys… >

------

Airi: And then? What happened?

Hajime: Hm? What do you mean 'what happened', Airi?”

Airi: I mean, weren’t there four guys who reached out for your hand? Who did you end up choosing?

Hajime: ...Well, I just can’t decide whose hand to take so I just stood by myself, bowed down and apologized, and just went my merry way.

Airi: Eh~~ Why'd you do that? You just wasted a lifetime opportunity!

Hajime: A li—lifetime opportunity? You’re always exaggerating things…

Airi: I mean, that’s what it is! You bumped into those guys, right? This school’s very famous—

< That’s right. Those guys are the four most handsome boys who are fawned over in this very school. >

------

[ The Academy’s handsome prince who brims with the utmost elegance: Nakaouji Eiki. ]

[ The guy who has a gentle heart beneath his cool aura: Kurose Miki. ]

[ The lady killer senior who embodies eternal youth: Asuma Mahiro. ]

[ The cute junior who possesses both devilish and angelic charm: Nekomura Konatsu. ]

------

Airi: They're like the celebrities ever! You got super duper lucky! You could’ve at least bragged about it on Enstagram.

Hajime: I don’t really have to, though?

Airi: Gosh, don’t be so boring!

Didn’t you hear that even students from other schools would go out of their ways just to see even a strand of their hair? They’re that famous! Real celebs, y'know?

Hajime: Even so, that’s completely unrelated to me~

What happened earlier is just pure chance — a one-time miraculous coincidence. There’s no way we’ll have anything to do with each other after that.

Airi: Hey, it might be your fateful meeting with your fated one!

Hajime: No way. Even I know that there’s no way that’s going to happen.

Airi: Eh~~ Why are you giving up just like that? Don’t let your dreams be just dreams! Come on, don’t be boring~

Hajime: You’re just saying that because you find it entertaining, right?

Enough with all that. We’re up to order next, you know? Did you decide what to get yet?

Airi: Gosh, not at all! What should I get… Hm…

-----

Airi: Hm~ Is there still space for us here?

Hajime: Oh, there's one over there! And just perfect, it has two seats! Let’s go, Airi.

Thank God~ I stroke gold—

Eiki: Hello there. We met this morning, right? Did you have any problems or injuries after that?

Hajime: .........

Hajime: N-Nakaouji-kun?!

Airi: Ah, Hajime, careful! If you move too much in that small space, you’ll bump into the person behind y—

Ah, there she goes.

Miki: That hurts.

Hajime: Waaah?! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you! I was just surpris—

Wait, Kurose-kun?! W-Wah, yet another one from earlier! I-I’m sorry!

Konatsu: Hm? It looks so lively out there. What’s up?

Konatsu: …Oh? That girl who’s bowing her head down in the middle of all the fuss… Isn’t she from this morning’s…

Mahiro: Haha~ So everyone, should we go have some fun on our way home?

—Hm? Ah, sorry, ladies. There’s some sort of fuss over there…

Ah~ If it isn’t that cutie from earlier.

Mahiro: Hm? Haha~ You’re all cuties in your own rights too~ Come on, wipe off those scary looks on your pretty faces.

Hajime: I’m really sorry!

< I thought that there’s no way we’ll have anything to do with each other after that. >

< I thought that it’s nothing but a once-in-a-lifetime miracle. >

-----

Next Chapter // Koisuru Scramble Masterlist

[kanene-yaaay]

Hi hi hiiiii! So, once more this lil ol blog completes one more year of existence!!! Very crazy when I stop to think about everything that happened here, every phase and event and joy and sorrow I shared here, to think I almost closed it for good and, even if my activity here dropped a lot, I am still very happy I kept this blog ♡

I couldn't prepare any fic or lil event this year (I will try to do one during Christmas time, tho!) so I thought I could just chat here a bit and share some appreciation.

Thank you every mutual, every follower, every rb and every asky, I appreciate them so so much, it's the reason I keep creating and sharing my stories, my thoughts, It's the reason I created this blog in the first place! To share and have joy here and you have no idea how much I go back in every fic, every kind ask just to get smilling like crazy.

Last year I lost someone dear to me and because of it I just... stopped. I stopped writing, reading, daydreaming or even interacting with anything related with tickles for entire months.... It may see small right now, especially since I am back, but I really was so, so afraid I would never have that fondness I hold for something that was once so especial to me. Tickling used to be my very special and comforting space, the thing I held one when nothing else seemed to help and to have lost that, even if only for a "few" months, it felt..... Unbearable.

Exactly one year ago, tho, I was back to writing (probably even finishing) my first fic made from scratch. Not something reblogged or that needed a few editing to post. Literally something I sat down and dreamed again and smiled and wrote.

Nowdays, tickling is back to being something really special and comforting, something I hold very dearly next to my heart and cherish in this blog every chance I have.

This is all to say that... you're all very especial to me, truly, if we chatted once, if you answered a reblog of mine, if you like my posts or commented years ago, or comments now pls know that I get all happy when I see you in my notifications. I wouldn't come back to creating and sharing anything if I didn't feel like there would be no one would be here to read it

It's crazy I can still discover new things in the community still, even after spending so much time here. I am writing for the first time a tickle fic of my ocs to share! Something that even if I thought about, I had never truly written before, because I felt so very embarrassed every time I thought in doing so but.... after seeing so much awesome creators enjoying doing it and produly showing their ocs I am getting courage to do the same as well!

Also, I am writing so much these months and enjoying every new fandom and not worrying about seeing productive or doing something all the time without rest! That is amazing, I am trying new scenarios and still can discover new tickle spots, new scenarios, new reactions to share in here! That is delightful, truly.

And, thank you so much to you, my dear mutuals! My friends from this year or some year in the past! If you're still here on tumblr or not, I remember every single one of you.

For all the wonderful artists, the incredible writers, everyone who keeps this community alive, thank you sooo soooooo much. Appreciate them, beans, the most that you can because they are the gems of this place! ♡

So, yeah, guess that is it what I have for today! This blog's birthday (and mine) was yesterday but rip agcsfecehegsyw got energy to write this now so let's enjoy!

[gelataisa]

Mum! Hello! Hope you had a nice day 💜✨

Have some questions:

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

32: What is your favourite color?

62: What makes you happy?

Hi dear!!!

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Hopefully I get to go to a party!!! But we shall see.

32: What is your favourite color?

I really love burgundy..... But in general I really like red.

62: What makes you happy?

Tough question!!! Today I bought a crossword magazine and I'm very happy with it.

What can I say I like the small things

Horrible asky thing!!

[thatbendyfan]

we’re in a very asky mood today aren’t we /lh

[shortnonsense]

Just Ask

The reward for living a long life is having more opportunity to ponder your past choices; one might call it a curse, depending on the person doing the pondering.

If you’ve ever spent time roaming the halls of any local senior care home, then you have firsthand experience with this phenomenon. Men and women sitting alone in their cells—I mean, rooms—thinking, remembering, asking questions, or maybe even talking to no one in particular. These conversations often involve questions—questions that seek to self-evaluate one’s life.

Is the sum of all of our choices the value of our life? What about regrets—or maybe better—do those regrets really matter? Ultimately, we want to know: “Did I live a good life? Did I spend my time well?”

This ponderance of time almost seems to be personified in such places. In fact, let’s go as far as to say that this phenomenon has a name, and he is called Druthers. Druthers loves to whisper, “What if?” when we have less important things to occupy our mind.

The reality of choices or the illusion of options has long been debated amongst those with the privilege of the theoretical; that is, those who can sit and think and discuss instead of standing and working—say, in a field or on an assembly line. But even the common man or woman finds the time once the work is done; it is just no longer in the realm of the theoretical. It is very much in the practical, as it is at the end of one's journey that one has the time to consider steps taken previously.

In the case of Joseph Curtis, who now resides in Unit 278 at the Apple Valley Senior Home, just outside of Cold Springs, Nevada (which is just outside of Reno, Nevada), it was nearly every hour of every day.

Why the senior home was called Apple Valley was never questioned by most of its residents, but Joe did the first time he heard that his eldest son had reserved him a space in the building.

“Why is it called Apple Valley? It’s not in a valley, and they don’t grow apples!” Joe spat.

“I don’t know, Dad. It just sounds nice. It’s a great place! The people are very thoughtful, and they have a pickle ball court!” Joseph, Jr. proclaimed.

“Pickle ball?! Why do I care about pickle ball!? Why can’t I just stay here?” asked Joe.

“Dad, we’ve been over this. My job is sending me west to Los Angeles, and I won’t be around as much as I have been here in Reno,” explained his son. “Besides, it’s all been arranged. We’ve sold the house, and we will be moving next month. Apple Valley just had an opening, and they are excited to meet you.”

“Opening, huh? You know what that means, don’t you? Someone checked out, and I don’t mean checked out of Apple Valley! So this is where you want me to go to die, is it?” Joe grumbled. “Fine. I just didn’t think this is where I would end up. An old folks’ home.”

“You are an ‘old folk,’ Dad. You know, most people would be thrilled to still be up and around at your age. And I am sure you will meet new friends and will start to love the place in no time. All you do around here is stare at the mirror,” said Joseph, Jr.

Joe smiled to himself as he recalled that conversation while sitting by himself in Unit 278, staring at the mirror. He’d just turned ninety-one, and this had now been his home for nearly a year.

“New friends?” he thought to himself. “Sure. Every time someone dies a new friend arrives!”

Joe wasn’t the oldest resident at Apple Valley; that title belonged to one Lana Longsfellow from Portland. But he was one of the few his age who could still, for the most part, manage on his own. Joe tried to get out of his room, but every walk or outing just ended with his returning to sit alone in Unit 278, so why bother?

“Will you be joining us today, Mr. Curtis?” asked Sara, the activities coordinator, in a way too cheery tone. “We are all headed over to the Sierra Nevada Zoological Park! Are you coming along?”

“Great,” thought Joe. “A bunch of caged people looking at some caged animals.” But what he said was, “No, but thank you for asking. I plan to stay in today.”

“Okay, but if you change your mind, the bus leaves in fifteen minutes!” Sara announced as she moved further down the hall.

And so it was that all of these choices, the choice of his son to take that job in L.A. and Joe’s choice to stay home instead of visiting the zoo, had led up to this particular day when the aforementioned Druthers just happened to visit the Apple Valley Senior Home.

“Not going to the zoo?” Druthers asked.

“No,” replied Joe, who didn’t even bother to look over to see who was asking.

“Why not?” asked Druthers. “Looks like a fun place. Lions and tigers and bears.”

“Oh my!” filled in Joe. “I just didn’t feel like it today.”

“And last week? When every one went to the mall? Or the week before that when they took that trip into Tahoe?” Druthers asked.

At that point Joe turned to see who it was that seemed to know a bit too much about his schedule. When his eyes focused, he saw a youngish man, medium build, with sandy blonde hair—or was it strawberry blonde? It seemed as though his appearance changed slightly as he moved, or maybe it was just a trick of the light. One thing was for certain—Joe had never met this person darkening his doorstep, or whatever you call that area under the door for unit 278.

“Who’s asking?” Joe quipped.

Joe was’t the friendliest person, but he wasn't a full on grump either. He had simply lived a long life and felt that he had met as many people as any one person should have to meet.

“Me? Oh, I’m no one in particular, or at least no one of any particular importance. My name is Druthers. It is very nice to meet you, Joe,” said Druthers.

“And how is it that you know me and what I have or haven’t been doing with my time?” replied Joe.

“Now that is a very astute question,” responded Druthers, “because that is exactly what I make it my business to know. I know about time—specifically, how people use it. I know when you choose to say yes or no with your time. You know, everyone has a set amount of time, but we all get to decide how to use it.”

Druthers said that last part with unusual excitement, like he had just discovered the truth.

Druthers went on, “And I tend to find myself around people who spend more than a usual amount of time considering those choices. Which is why I find myself here, ‘darkening your doorstep,’ as you so eloquently put it.

“You are an odd duck,” responded Joe. “But I suppose you are right about one thing. I do spend most of my time looking back at my choices, and how I ended up here, in Unit 278. And I don’t just mean the most recent arrangement with my son or how he chose to leave me here to pursue his dream, but all the choices, all the way back.” Joe’s voice drifted as his mind wondered.

“And why the mirror?” asked Druthers.

“What? What do you mean?” asked Joe.

“The mirror—why do you stare at the mirror while you ponder?” clarified Druthers.

“Oh, well, yes, I guess I do,” answered Joe, ignoring the nagging feeling that this whole conversation was strange. “Well…I suppose it’s better than staring at the wall. And my window view is just the parking lot. I get bored of whatever junk is on TV. The mirror helps me remember. When I look at my reflection, I don’t see a ninety-one year old man. I see a young man of eighteen, just out of high school, ready to make his mark on the world. Or I see myself at thirty, when I had Joe, Jr. Or maybe I’m sixty-eight, when my Alice passed. The mirror provides focus, I suppose. And after all, it’s all I have to do now, isn’t it? Sit and think about the past, what I did, what I should have done instead,” Joe went on.

“Why?” interrupted Druthers.

“Why what?” responded Joe.

“Why those ages? Why those specific times? Why do you search your reflection for moments in your past? What do you hope to find?” asked Druthers.

Joe found that he had to pause to think. He wondered again who this Druthers was and why he was asking such bothersome questions. Why was he poking at an old man who was just trying to mind his own business? But also, why was he so willing to give answers? Joe hadn’t had this long of a conversation with anyone in months.

Finally, Joe came to an answer and decided for whatever reason that this man standing in front of him deserved the answer. “I know the easy answer to that question is that they represent moments of doubt or possible regret, but then you will just ask why I have regrets. After all, what’s the point now? I’m at the end of the trail, all alone. No one and no past situation that I regret is even around or relevant to my life now. So really, I search my reflection to find the answer to one question: ‘Did I live a good life?’”

Now it was Druther’s turn to allow a pregnant pause.

When his response came full-term, he delivered these pointed questions: “What if those critical points in time were relevant to your life right now? What if you could go back and change one thing to ensure that you find the answer to your ultimate question?”

Joe locked eyes with Druthers and had the building suspicion that this guy was either selling snake oil or truly had an answer to his queries, and that he could make good on his implications. He also got the very real feeling in his gut that this Mr. Druthers was not to be trusted, but what did he have to lose? Joe was very much aware of the commonality of conmen taking advantage of the elderly, people who were just a little too trusting and assumed the best of people. Joe, though, was not one of those types of senior citizens; he had been hardened by life and was skeptical of everyone and everything. There was no such thing as a free lunch, and he intended to get everything in writing before shaking hands.

“What are you getting at?” Joe eventually asked.

Druthers began, “What if you had three opportunities to go back for a short amount of time and make a change, to say yes where you said no, or to stay when you left? As I said earlier, I happen to make it my business to know how people use their time, but also to provide a way to deal with these last few regrets that shout back at us when we stare too long into the mirror. I can give you one ten-minute window into your past once a day, for the next three days. One chance to right a wrong or take the path not taken,” Druthers added. “What do you say to that?”

“I say B.S.!” quipped Joe, even though he knew he didn’t truly believe his accusation. Something about this man had convinced him that this was the opportunity of a lifetime, so to speak, and that he should jump in with both feet. “But, just for the sake of this ridiculous conversation, what do you want from me in return? Someone offering this miraculous snap of the fingers is going to want something in return!”

“Maybe I am just trying to make the world a better place,” offered Druthers. “What I get out of our exchange is my business. You either ask for this chance to make a different choice, or you don’t. All you need to do is ask—no bargaining or shaking hands or signing a document in blood at the crossroads. Just ask.”

Joe wasn’t sure what to say next. He was, for the first time in his recent memory, speechless. Joe was the type to always have a word edgewise, or a quick one-liner to ease the tension. A lifetime of sales does that to a person, or maybe it was his ability to fill the empty space with words that made him a lifetime salesman. Always on the road, always shaking new hands, always finding just the right words to satisfy the need of the customer. But not now. Not this time. And this man was certainly not the customer. He was very certain that he was the one filling that role in this transaction. But what exactly was this guy selling? More importantly, what would Joe be buying, and how would he pay? But at the end of the day, the hopelessness of all the regrets piled up beyond his ability to talk himself out of the situation, and he found himself uttering, “I would like to go back and make a different choice.”

Druthers grinned, not unlike the mystical Cheshire Cat, yet without the slow disappearing act. “Great!” was all he said. Then, just like that, he turned on his heels and walked away, calling as he left, “See you tomorrow at 10 a.m. sharp!”

“What the…” thought Joe. “That’s it? Come back here!” he shouted. Joe jumped up—if you can call it that at this point in his life—and walked as fast as he could to the hallway to find it empty. He kept pursuing until he reached the reception desk.

“Can I help you, Mr. Curtis?” asked Jenny, the front desk volunteer.

“No, no you can’t,” said Joe quietly. He stared out the glass doors for a full minute before returning to his room.

As Joe sat, once again alone in his room, he wondered if he had simply dozed off for those last few minutes. Maybe that whole conversation was a day dream? If so, what an odd vision. But if it wasn’t all in his head, then he should certainly prepare for Druthers’ return. Even if it was a dream, at least his dream had given him a more specific parameter to guide his pondering. He had spent so much time asking far too general questions and now could ask a very specific one. What ten-minute point of time in his past was so crucial that his going back and making one change would alter the course of his life? What one choice, or at least the first of three, would he choose to change (if this whole mind game was actually real, that is)?

From there, Joe sat and thought for the rest of the day. He realized as it began to get dark, and the noises of his returning zoo trip neighbors’ arrival caught his attention, that he had skipped lunch altogether and was in danger of missing dinner!

He got up and was about to make the short jaunt to the cafeteria when he stopped at the doorway to return to his little table near the TV. He got out a small piece of paper and an old chewed-up pencil and wrote three dates. Then, as if he had just completed a full day’s work, he sighed, dropped the pencil, and smiled.

As he ate his meatloaf, which wasn’t half bad, by the way, he thought no more of it, having come to a conclusion. The dates were set and written down, as if in blood. He would trouble his soul no more on the subject until tomorrow at 10 a.m.

Joe hadn’t set an alarm for decades. Since he had spent the majority of his life on the road, in one hotel room or another, he had trained his internal clock to wake up at 6 a.m. sharp to get ahead of the local work traffic. But this morning he found himself wide awake at 5:15 a.m., and after trying to get back to sleep for several minutes, he surrendered to the day and dragged himself to the bathroom. It wasn’t that he had had trouble sleeping, but he did have odd dreams that night, and for Joe, any dream was odd. He typically did not dream, or, as his late wife often said, he just didn’t remember his dreams.

Either way, he certainly remembered his dreams that night, and as he brushed his teeth, it was as if he were trying to brush away the memories of that alternate dream world. Now there was nothing to do but go to the cafeteria and hope that the coffee was ready. Then wait.

At 9:45 a.m., Joe found himself sitting in his room once again, by himself, but not staring at the mirror, instead he was staring at his open door. His mind was churning, half laughing at himself that this figment of his imagination would actually reappear at 10 a.m. and half rehearsing his words for when Druthers did appear.

And then, like some mystical genie, he did. In fact, when Druthers said, “Good morning,” it seemed to Joe as if he had been there for several minutes, and yet, at the same exact time, Druthers materialized right before his eyes at exactly 10 a.m.

“Good morning,” Joe eventually responded. “Come in, um, do you want to sit down?” Joe wasn’t sure if this was going to be a long transaction or if maybe they would go elsewhere. Consequently, he was surprised when Joe simply stood where he was.

“All I need to know is the day and time,” Druthers said, after a bit of an awkward silence. “And I’d appreciate it if you phrased it in the form of a request—a well-mannered one at that.”

Joe thought that was an odd way to start, but this whole situation was odd, so who’s to say. Then he asked, “Could you please send me back to October 17th, 1957, at noon?”

“Why?” inquired Druthers.

“Why?” Joe mimicked with a touch of sarcasm. “Do you see my room? Or should I say, my ‘unit’? I know it’s not the worst, but I also know there is so much better out there. I never put much stock in money being the most important thing in the world, but I have lived long enough to know that if I was in a little better position financially, then my current living arrangement would be vastly changed. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be apart from my son…maybe this whole thing could have been avoided with the right retirement account.”

Joe paused to collect his thoughts, then continued. “On that October day, 1957, I had a lunch meeting with a friend from my college days. I had just begun to work the local sales route for Hoover vacuums when Alan called me up and said he had this great investment opportunity. I laughed, but agreed, mainly just to get a chance to catch up and relive our glory days.” Over lunch Alan described a new, cutting-edge technology he was working on that he felt would get some real traction, but he needed some investors to get the ball rolling. He had figured out some way to streamline production for sock manufacturing. Can you imagine it? Socks. I guess he came up with the idea during the war when he had to walk for miles in one pair of worn-out socks.”

“He asked me to put in $5000, which was a small fortune back then, and would have comprised my entire savings account and then some. The whole idea was ludicrous, and I told him such. I said he would never get that kind of money for something so uninspiring. I’m sure you’ve guessed it, but he did get that money, and it did gain traction! Soon, his manufacturing technology was being used not only for socks, but for most of the major clothing and textile plants all across the country!”

Joe let that linger, then began again, “So that’s why. I want to go back and say yes to Alan, and so change the course of my life from that point on. I just need the ten minutes you offered to agree to his investment opportunity.”

“So, money,” Druthers responded. “It’s always money. But hey, it’s your ten minutes!” And before Joe could defend himself, before he could explain that it wasn’t just about the money, but how it would bring his family together, he was there, at the table in Fred’s Cafe in Burbank, California, locking eyes with Alan.

He was amazed. He was more than amazed, he was utterly speechless, and soon his friend noticed as well. “You alright, Joe?” asked Alan.

Then it all dawned on Joe that this whole thing was actually happening. He thought there would be some sort of magic spell or incantation, but it just happened instantly, seamlessly. Then, in the next moment, he realized he only had ten minutes! How long had he just been sitting there, staring like a mute?!

“Sorry, just got lost in thought, go on,” Joe said, trying to cover for his misstep.

“Well, there isn’t much else to say! I’ve told you everything I had prepared to say. You were just commenting on how ridiculous it all sounded,” Alan said, sounding confused and frustrated.

Joe stammered out a quick apology and stated that he just needed a minute to let it all sink in. Then he quickly reached into his briefcase for his checkbook. He ripped out his freshly signed $5000 check and handed it to Alan, all while explaining how excited he was to have this opportunity.

“Now, remember…give me a few days before you cash that check,” Joe added. “I give you my word that I am all in on your idea. If I seem confused in a few minutes as to why I gave you the money, just tell me, ‘It will be worth it.’ Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get going. I hate to rush, but I have a sales appointment in thirty minutes, and you now how this L.A. traffic can be!”

With that, Joe gathered up his things and hustled out, leaving a confused Alan, holding his check and smiling.

Once inside his car, a 1950 baby blue Chevy, Joe had an idea. He quickly got out a sheet of paper and scribbled a note to himself. As best he could he tried to explain to himself why he had just given away his life’s savings and why he should trust Alan and not back out of the deal. He, of course, could not go into the whole truth of the matter, or else he might think himself crazy and check into a loony bin. But he could explain why it was a good investment and why he should trust his gut. He signed the note, adding a few details to ensure that his future (or was it past?) self would know that the note was trustworthy. Then, taking in a big breath, he caught his reflection in the rearview mirror. He was so young! Before his eyes he began to age; soon he was staring at the reflection to which he had grown accustomed to seeing. Nothing had changed on that count. But then he focused on the background behind his face.

“This was certainly not Unit 278,” he thought. Immediately, it all started to sink in. The mirror he was in front of was huge! He backed away, startled, and turned to look around. At that exact moment, a lifetime of altered memories flooded his brain. It was like the most severe brain freeze you’ve ever experienced. His mind was trying to reconcile two very different lives, two paths taken simultaneously. It was like he could remember two different scenarios with each point in time he focused on. But soon his old life faded, like that horrible dream he had had last night. Now his new life was the dominant memory. He was merely aware that it was not the original.

He considered how confused he was all those years ago after his lunch with Alan when, from his point of view, he seemed to go straight from having lunch at Fred’s Cafe to sitting in his car in the blink of an eye. And now, sixty-six years later, that little gap of missing time was finally complete. He laughed as he thought back on those early days of getting investor checks in the mail. They were small at first, then bigger and bigger as the years went by, until he could eventually quit his sales job in 1970. He had taken his money, invested some, and with the rest had bought a chain of small automatic car washes throughout Southern California, which did quite well in their own right.

Joe shook his head, amazed at how ten minutes had changed his life so dramatically. It was a rush to remember his life this way for the first time! Now it seemed he was living on Lake Tahoe in a penthouse condo overlooking snowcapped peaks. Much better than Apple Valley Senior Care Home Unit 278, that was certain. Then, a knock at the door caught his attention, grounding him to his new reality.

“That must be Druthers!” he proclaimed out loud, with no one to hear.

As he pulled open the door enthusiastically, he was taken aback by the fact that instead of a mysterious man standing on his doorstep, there was a young woman with a surprised look upon her face.

“Oh, it’s you, Lydia,” said Joe. He seemed to know her. Then it all caught up with him—of course he knew her! Lydia was his in-home healthcare worker he had hired to check up on him every day.

“Good morning, Mr. Curtis!” squeaked Lydia. “How are you this morning? Are you feeling well? You don’t look well. Maybe you should sit down and let me take your vitals.”

As Lydia led Joe to the nearest couch, it all came rushing in like a cold wind. Yes, his financial windfall had certainly changed his housing situation, but it had not solved his family problems. His wife had still passed away about the same time, and his son had still gone to work in L.A. instead of staying nearby. The money had allowed Joe to live in his condo, so he could afford in-home care, but Joe, Jr. had still chosen to venture off and leave him alone.

Lydia, finally satisfied that Joe was not in need of further medical attention, eventually said goodbye, leaving Joe alone. Again. And once again, Joe sat and pondered. All that had really changed (in an important way anyhow) was that he now had a much larger room with a much larger mirror to stare at. And the view—that certainly was an improvement…Lake Tahoe was beautiful.

“But, why?” thought Joe. “Why did it seem like there had been no change when it came to his family and friends? Why had he still ended up alone? That question brought almost instant answers as his new memories filled in the gaps. He may not have needed to be away due to his sales job, but he had still found reasons to be gone while his son was growing up. An important investment trip or a cruise or going out to scout possible sites for another car wash…these things had taken up his time and attention.

It would seem, then, that more money had not changed the answer to his primary question. Another knock at the door.

“Lydia, I told you I feel fine!” exclaimed Joe as he swung open the door to find a bemused Druthers. “Now you show up!” noted Joe. “Where have you been?!”

“Joe, I like you, but you aren’t the only person out there asking the big questions. I had a few other appointments,” explained Druthers. “How do you like the new digs?”

“I hate it,” Joe said, surprised by his own words. “Well, what I mean is, this isn’t where I expected to end up.”

“Isn’t that what you said to your son about Apple Valley?” replied Druthers.

Joe was taken aback with that question for two reasons, the first being that Apple Valley was from his old life, and he had difficulty focusing on those recently overlapped memories, but also because…how could Druthers know about that?

Druthers continued, “I know what you’re thinking. How could I know about that? I suppose I’ve been listening to you for a while now. You are an excellent opportunity to satisfy some of my curiosities. For example, why did you assume that changing your financial past would change your relationships? Or why did you, knowing your previous life trajectory, not take steps to correct your relationship with your son? But, most of all, did you find an answer to your ultimate question? Did you live a good life?”

Joe considered his words carefully in response.

“I think I assumed our relational problems were financial. But, deep down, I also knew that wasn’t really the case. That missed investment opportunity from Alan was always a big regret for me, one of those unanswered ‘what ifs.’ A big part of me hoped I could get rich and the other thing would just take care of itself. But, hey, I get two more changes, correct?” Joe asked, sounding more optimistic.

“Sure, sure,” agreed Druthers. “Yes, let's continue moving forward. I remember that you had all your chosen dates predetermined before this first one had been experienced. Do you still plan to act on your original plan, or will you consider a new strategy?”

“Sticking to the plan,” Joe finally said.

With that Druthers nodded and walked out, promising to return as planned the next day at 10 a.m. sharp, leaving Joe to once again sit alone in his much-nicer-than Apple Valley Unit 278 condo. So he sat and looked out over the sky blue waters of Lake Tahoe as he counted the minutes until bedtime, the date for his next appointment with destiny held firmly in his mind.

It seems that now is as good a time as any to fill you in on Joe’s relationship with his late wife, Alice. Theirs was a high school romance common for the time. They both attended UCLA and were married their junior year. He began his sales job shortly after graduation while Alice started teaching 4th grade at a local elementary school. He would be gone on the road for weeks at a time, but when he was home, they truly enjoyed their time together. Kids? We’ll get to that later.

What is important now is that as the years went by, Joe found it increasingly difficult to remember that he was in fact a married man while three states away from home. Alice would ask why he didn’t resign and get a local job so they could start a family. His answer always had something to do with it not being the right time, or maybe once this happened, or when that deal was finalized. Then, when the investment money started rolling in, Joe was too preoccupied with money management and soon, Alice had stopped asking altogether. Despite all this, Alice was still very much in love with Joe, even when she began to pick up on the clues that Joe might be having an affair.

She had noticed that although his sales trips took him all over the western U.S., he spent more and more time in the Reno, Nevada area. One day she decided to take a trip of her own after a random piece of mail addressed to a Mrs. Regina Curtis arrived at their southern California home.

And that was how Mrs. Alice Curtis found herself standing outside 7523 S. Spring Bend Rd., on the south side of Reno. She had stood in that spot for several minutes, with the now tear-stained envelope in her hand, before finally knocking on the door.

A voice from inside called out, “Coming!”

The door opened to reveal a young brunette woman who was very much pregnant.

“Yes, can I help you?” the presumed Mrs. Regina Curtis asked.

Alice had spent the entire trip in her studio motel room, rehearsing what she would say to this person whom she very much suspected was in the process of stealing away her husband. But she was not prepared for what she was now taking in. Obviously this woman had already stolen her husband, and so she began to weep.

Two years prior to that day, Regina was working at a rental car desk inside the Reno-Tahoe International Airport. She was twenty-five and had dreams of one day going to nursing school, but in the meantime this job paid the bills. One particular fall day a man came to her desk to pick up a car. He picked up a conversation with her as well, and they soon found themselves having dinner together. His name was Joe Curtis, as you may have guessed, and he was charming.

Six months later she no longer worked at the rental car desk, nor was she attending nursing school. Her relationship with Joe blossomed, and soon she was flying out to meet him at some of his other sales locations. Joe paid for it all, of course. She knew it couldn’t last, but it was fun, and why not have some fun before settling down? Joe made promises, but who knew where that would take them? One can’t live on promises.

One year later she realized she had not even thought of nursing school in some time. And one day she found herself in a doctor’s office listening to a heartbeat that was not her own. With the news of impending fatherhood, Joe and Regina tied the knot. For Joe it was a second knot of course, late one evening in a Reno wedding chapel. Joe bought a starter home on the south side of Reno and set up his new, and second, wife with a comfortable, if not modest, lifestyle.

Regina was living the dream…until one day she heard a knock at the door and found an unknown weeping woman at her doorstep.

All of this led to Mrs. Curtis sitting on the other Mrs. Curtis’ couch one day in 1965.

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” began Alice, who was having difficulty sorting out her emotions. “This bill was sent to my house, and it’s addressed to ‘Mrs. Regina Curtis,’ which I presume is you.”

Regina wasn’t tracking and was also dealing with major pregnancy mood swings.

“I’m sorry my mail went to your home by accident, but why didn’t you just mark it ‘return to sender?’”

“Because,” stumbled Alice “…because I am Mrs. Curtis, Mrs. Alice Curtis. My husband is Joe Curtis. We have been married since 1952.”

“Oh, well that explains it!” exclaimed Regina. “My husband’s name is also Joe Curtis—what a coincidence! We were married this past year, and now we’re expecting our first child in a few months!”

Before Regina’s words could finish echoing off the wallpaper, Alice erupted in tears once again. “Joe always said he wanted children, but he said he just wasn’t ready. I stopped asking several years ago. But now this!”

Regina dropped her cup as she began to grasp what Alice was saying. Since she had met Joe when he was on a work trip, his weeks away were simply how they lived. No questions were asked. Now it all slid into view as she took in the very clear sadness in this woman’s eyes.

They each shared their stories, apologizing several times along the way. Once it was clear that Regina had no idea Alice existed, all anger towards her dissipated, and each of the women began to develop a very specific anger towards Joe. After sharing stories, a plan was hatched. Joe would be summoned home, to his Reno home, and Alice would be waiting, with dinner on the table.

One might tend to feel a high level of righteous anger for Alice, the original Mrs. Curtis, being that she was the one cheated on, lied to, spurned. But consider Regina’s point of view. She was a young woman who had been swept off her feet, impregnated, and set up in suburban Reno as the prototypical wife and mom-to-be only to find out that her marriage was not legitimate. This, of course, meant that her child wasn’t either, and that she was, “the other woman” in this story. So while the two of them conspired to hold Joe accountable, Regina made plans for what she was to do after everything was said and done. How would she support herself and her child without a real husband? Would she be homeless as well? She was conflicted about her feelings towards Joe; of course she didn’t want to be a home wrecker, but she had a strong motherly sense of self-preservation as well.

A few days later Joe took the red-eye flight back to Reno from his trip to Montana to tour a recently purchased plot that he had plans to develop. He was tired and was looking forward to a good night’s sleep. As he turned the key to the front door at 7523 S. Spring Bend Road, he heard a familiar song playing inside. He smiled and started to hum along as he took off his jacket, but as he slipped off his shoes, his blood suddenly turned cold, and he could hear his heart beating.

“That song,” thought Joe, “it’s all wrong.” It was the song he and Alice had danced to on their first date. It didn’t belong here.

A feeling began to build in his gut, working its way up his spine, crashing into his brain. His worlds were colliding, the worlds he had spent years cultivating. So although it was a surprise when he walked into the kitchen to find Alice where Regina should be, it wasn’t a complete shock.

Joe thought about that day in Reno as he sat in his condo counting the minutes. In fact, it was one of those moments in time that haunted him most days. All throughout his affair with Regina, he was fully aware that a day like that day would eventually come. He didn’t really know how he had let it get that far…one thing had just led to another, and when Regina became pregnant, he didn’t know what to do. He still didn’t know what to do. He now had the power to go back and correct a huge mistake in his past, but to what ends?

This was the question he ruminated upon. If he went back to the day he met Regina and corrected his adulterous behavior, Joe, Jr. would never have been born! And Alice had loved him despite his affair; she had stuck with him even after the baby was born, even after Regina broke it off with him. In fact, Alice had been faithful despite his infidelity, right up until her death. Regina just couldn’t live with how he had misled her, and once Joe, Jr. turned two, she was out of both of their lives. Alice had raised the boy like he was her own. So, how could he then go back and leave her in an attempt to stay with Regina?

Joe just couldn’t see how he could make a change that wouldn’t incur some loss. His goal was to live a good life, which meant being a good and faithful husband and a good and supportive father, but at this very moment, those two goals seemed mutually exclusive. So he continued to think, well past dinner and sunset.

Sleep eventually came, despite the burden pressing on his heart and mind, and soon the clock rang out at 10 a.m. And like an eleventh ding of the clock, a knock came in rhythm at the door. Joe let Druthers in with a sigh, and they both took seats in the well manicured, expansive living room. Joe looked liked death warmed over.

“I see your second choice wasn’t as cut and dry as you let on,” Druthers observed.

“Not entirely. The date was obvious, but what I should change—that is the question with no apparent answer,” responded Joe.

“Yes, yes,” added Druthers, “the son or the wife, that is a tough one.”

Joe had stopped becoming shocked at Druther’s ability to seemingly know what he was thinking at any given moment, and just decided to roll with it.

“Do you have any advice, since you seem to know so much about me?” asked Joe.

“I don’t give advice,” Druthers quickly responded. “But I do find that when I feel a problem is binary, it helps to seek out a third option. And, I would point out, that your desire to live a good life does not mean you get everything you desire.”

Joe considered this for a moment, then considered the date and time he had already chosen for his second life alteration. He took out a note pad and scribbled down the date, then another date almost twenty years prior. He looked at both of them, closed his eyes, and heard himself speak out loud before he could talk himself out of it.

“Druthers,” Joe began, “Would you please send me back to June 2nd, 1951, at 3 p.m.?”

When Joe opened his eyes, he was in what appeared to be a public restroom. He was washing his hands and looking in a scratched-up mirror. He had forgotten what eighteen-year-old Joe looked like; so many years had passed since then. But he quickly snapped to attention. As this was his second journey back in time in as many days, he was more prepared for the experience and knew that what he needed to do would require his entire ten-minute window.

He took a brisk walk out to the courtyard, where he knew his beloved Alice would be waiting. He remembered this day well. They would graduate later that evening. This was the end of their last day of high school. The plan was for both of them to attend UCLA in the fall, then eventually get married and live happily ever after. The only problem with that plan was that Joe knew it didn’t happen. There was no happily ever after.

Druthers was right…there was a third option. He could still live a life of integrity. He could still do the right thing. But he also knew himself, and ten minutes at any given point in his life would not change his proclivities to wander. Alice was better than he, and he would not waste her life on him, not again. The third choice was to break it off now, and wait for Regina. Maybe a life with her and Joe, Jr. was still possible? Hopefully he could honor Alice’s faithfulness and seek out his son.

Joe sat down next to Alice and began his speech. What came out was a mishmash of words and emotions, and soon he could tell by the confusion plastered all over her face that he wasn’t hitting the mark. Time was running out. So he went with the the direct approach.

“Alice, I have loved every minute with you, but I have thought long and hard about what comes next,” Joe stammered. “We need to break up. Right now. You have so much more to discover in life than me, so much more to offer the world. It will hurt for awhile, but in time you will find someone else worthy of your love. I am just not that person. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

Joe didn’t plan to hear her response. He got up and hurried away, knowing that if he blipped out, she would just end up talking him back into the relationship. He needed to get away, as far away as he could. So he ran. Five blocks later, he slowed to a fast walk. Putting his hands in his pocket, he realized he had his last report card and a short stubby pencil, so he pulled both out and wrote as fast has he could while breathing heavily. Just as he did the first time with his friend, he quickly explained to himself, in a way he would understand, why he had broken up with Alice.

In fact, he decided to go ahead and suggest waiting on college, to avoid running into her a few years down the road. Having run out of space on the back of the card, he sat down on the nearest bus stop and waited.

“How long had it been since he arrived in 1951?” he thought. “Surely it’s been ten minutes.”

And even before he finished his thought, he was back…sort of. Once again, he was in a different room, this one even bigger. He gripped a nearby pillow, knowing that a whopper of a brain freeze was about to set in.

And it did.

This one knocked him to the ground. He screamed in agony as memories were ripped from his mind, taking with them the emotional anchors that resisted their removal. How long? How long would this go on? He writhed back and forth on the ground, trying to hold onto the fading memories of Alice: their wedding, their honeymoon, their vacations, the years together raising Joe, Jr., and the years together afterward, as they grew old. Then, all at once, he realized he was losing his son as well. He had never met Regina, or if he had, they hadn't ended up together.

He was alone, had been alone, was always alone.

As his new history was overwriting his old, he realized the consequences of skipping the direct-to-college plan. Joe had been drafted into the Korean Conflict in August of 1951 after his college admissions were pulled. He spent two years in Korea, watching friends die, suffering in frigid temperatures. One near death experience after another.

When he had finally returned home in the spring of ’53, Joe had had no interest in college or relationships. But once a salesman, always a salesman, even if in a previous life. It was better now—no more wife or son to worry about while he was one the road, no more anxiety about being gone too long. Sure, there had been women, one in every town, but no promises, and no commitments.

His friend Alan still had tracked him down though, so his investment money still came right on schedule. Without his two wives and son, he had been able to focus completely on making even more investments, so much so that he was no longer sitting alone in a condo overlooking Lake Tahoe. He was instead residing alone, apart from the serving staff, in Malibu, California. He had purchased a sprawling, ranch-style mansion with a rapturous view of the Pacific in 1995. After his time in Korea, he had vowed never to live anywhere with the possibility of snow.

The brain freeze had been done for some time, but Joe remained on the floor. The maid came running when she noticed, and he waved her away, promising that he was fine despite all evidence to the contrary. While lying there, he thought back on his life—so much wealth, but no relationships. He had done the most honorable thing he could think of given the limited time, but he should have known that keeping Regina and Joe, Jr. in his life was never a surety. How could he have predicted Korea? He was in high school during World War 2 and in college during Korea originally, so you could say he was positioned in history in such a way that the idea of serving in the military never entered his mind. He had lost several friends and family members in both wars, but was never himself personally at risk. That had all changed when he broke up with Alice. His note had struck a cord. He had stayed away, far away, and Alice was what had tethered him to humanity more than he had realized. Without her it was only about the money.

A knock came at the door, and this time Joe didn’t run to answer. He knew who it would be, and he knew what he would say. He just wanted to stay on the floor and try to hold onto the memories as they drifted away. He could still picture his son being born, but what did he look like as a grown man? That was a more difficult picture to bring into focus.

Eventually the maid let Druthers in. He sauntered over to the living room and sat down near Joe. They both sat in silence for quite some time.

Finally, Joe broke the silence. “Does this mean I’ve lived a good life? After all, I’ve given up my son so that Alice could live a better life. Doesn’t that mean something?”

Druthers shrugged. “I’ve never claimed to be the one with the answers or the one who judges lives. I just provide the opportunities to make a change. But for what it’s worth, Alice did live a much happier life, as did Regina. Both were happily married, with kids.”

Joe was pleased to hear that. Maybe it wasn’t all for nothing? But now what? He had his money, but it’s not as if he was being elected philanthropist of the year or anything. Sure, he’d given money to this cause or that need, but nothing that ever really cost him anything.

So maybe he was going about this all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t about him and how good of a life he had lived. At this point he had technically lived three lives, which lent itself to a certain unique perspective. Sure, the first two were more like far-off dreams now, but some memories had stuck.

Joe had made sure the two women he had cared about lived a better life, but was that all his purpose was on this planet?

He had already decided against his original third date—completely irrelevant now, so once again, he was forced to pick a new date, a new change.

Druthers, seeing a conversation was not in the plan today, simply stood up and said goodbye with his usual, “See you tomorrow at 10 a.m. for the final date.”

Joe didn’t even say goodbye. He was deep in thought, going through each and every day he could think of in search of the best use of his final opportunity. He scanned the years and decades, the faces and meetings. He considered people he’d known, lives he had impacted.

Joe was about to give up and go to bed when one distant memory tapped his subconscious. It was one of those memories that sort of lingered in the periphery. He hadn’t given it much thought for years, decades even, but there it was now, clear as day. Like someone had hung a flashing neon sign above it.

“Of course—that’s it!” Joe said out loud.

He had been so focused on ensuring that he had lived a good life that he had missed the whole point, and this memory completely flipped his perspective on the problem. He started to write the date down, but then froze, for although he could remember the situation, he had no idea when the exact date was.

Joe wasn’t at all sure how to solve this problem, and now he was even more frustrated. Why would he arrive at such an obvious answer only to not know how he could get there! Maybe something would come to him in the morning. One more night, and then his quest would be accomplished.

For the first time in sixty years, Joe slept in—well, past 6 a.m. anyway. He slept all the way to 8:15 a.m. and woke up with a clear mind and a steady will. After a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, he sent the serving staff home for the day, and in fact gave them the rest of the week off. He didn’t think they would be around after today anyway since something had changed each time he went back in time, so who knew how things would end up?

He went to the front door and left it open for Druthers, then returned to sit on the couch. A few minutes later, his guest arrived and made himself comfortable.

“You know,” began Joe, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something. What exactly are you? Some kind of ‘time genie?’”

“Yes, I’m a time genie,” smiled Druthers, “…at least, that is how I am going to introduce myself from now on. I like it!”

They both laughed, then Druthers continued, “It’s more like I’m the personification of your will. Some people spend so much time pondering their regrets or asking unanswerable questions that they end up providing a pathway for me to enter their world, and they in turn provide me a way to send them back.”

Joe considered that, “My will, huh? Then, am I correct to think that you don’t really need me to give you a specific date and time?” The thought had occurred to him as he was stirring the brown sugar into his oatmeal that morning. “Why would someone with power to manipulate time need me to give them a specific date?”

Druthers smiled, “I like you. Have I told you that? Yes, I like the way you think. No, I don’t need the date. In fact, you sent yourself back to those specific times when you just experienced the memory. I have simply found that nailing down the date helps speed up the process.”

“Terrific!” responded Joe. “Because for my last ‘ask,’ I don’t have the foggiest idea what day it was, though I remember the moment quite well.”

“Just focus on the memory,” began Druthers. “When you have a clear picture of the moment, just ask.”

Joe sat for moment, emptied his mind, then put all of his will into the memory of his choosing…one that was so insignificant at the time, but would now be his defining moment. When he was certain that he was sufficiently focused, he said, “Druthers, it was an honor to know you, and I appreciate you picking me for this opportunity. Please send me back to this moment in my past.”

On the previous two times, Joe had simply opened his eyes to his past after asking, but this time, Druthers had a few words to give first.

“Joe, you are a unique individual, with so much more to offer than what you have already, which is the real reason I picked you. You just needed to strip a few things away to see it. I give you my word that your choice to ask to go back to that moment will truly and finally give you your answer.”

With that, Druthers faded from Joe’s vision, and the world around him shifted. He went from his spacious living room with a view of the blue Pacific to a cold, crisp night, standing by his car at a local gas station outside Tacoma, Washington. Although Joe could not remember it, it was in fact November 17th, 1963 at 8:33 p.m.

It was the tail end of a two-week long sales trip throughout the Northwest region, and this was his last stop before the long drive home. The moment came flooding back to Joe’s mind. Then, once again, urgency clicked in, not because of the ten-minute window, but because this time, he knew he had even less time. Joe’s urgency was based on the fact that he knew the reason he chose this moment in his past was because an armed robber was about to run out of the gas station, having just held up the cashier, and would jump into a nearby station wagon, forcing a bewildered and irate young woman out before racing away from the scene of the crime.

At the time Joe had been so tired from his trip that he simply ignored the scene, got in his car, and drove away. Assuming that other people would help, he didn’t want to get caught up in all of the police reports and court testimonies that would undoubtedly occur.

What had caught his memory last night was one detail of the story that he wasn’t aware of at the time, but would read later read about in the newspaper. There had been a sleeping child in the back seat of that station wagon. The screaming woman was a young mother. The child would be found days later, dead from exposure, after being left on the side of some rarely traveled dirt road. Joe’s plan was to change all of that.

Joe didn’t think, he just acted. He’d spent years of his now three lives pondering, and the time of thinking was done. He never imagined that this is where he would end up, but this is where he needed to be.

He put the gas pump back and started to walk toward the green station wagon that was parked at the pump next to his. He noted that the young mom was simply sitting in the driver’s seat, looking over what appeared to be a day planner of some sort, having no idea what this day would actually hold for her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the armed robber, whose name had completely eluded his memory, but he did remember thinking he was so young to be committing such a horrible act. Joe put himself between the car and the gas station doors and began counting seconds in his mind. He had a rough idea that only about thirty seconds or so had passed between when the man had run out the double glass doors to when he had driven off in the car.

And then everything went into motion, in many ways like slow motion, but with the certainty of watching a speeding train approach a stalled car. It was inevitable, only a matter of time. The robber locked his eyes on the car as soon as he came out, completely ignoring Joe, who was standing next to the gas pump. Joe waited until he reached out to open the driver’s side door before he sprung into action. First, he grabbed the man’s other hand, the one still holding the gun, then threw his shoulder into the man’s torso, knocking him off balance.

Joe had no idea what the repercussions of this conflict would be, but he was prepared to assume that he was putting himself into mortal harm. He didn’t care what happened to him, as long as this man did not get into that car. The struggle most likely only lasted a few seconds, but as we have all experienced, such things seem to stretch out in our minds. At some point he heard the mom inside the station wagon begin to scream before wisely putting the car into drive and screeching out from under the gas station car port, coming to a stop at the other side of the parking lot. In the same moment, the would-be car jacker recognized that his quick getaway was gone, and now this man holding onto him needed to pay for the interruption.

With the car out of the way, Joe and the young man poured all of their attention into full possession of the gun. A few shots were fired into the air, more screams, and then the young man threw a well-placed knee into Joe’s side, knocking the wind out of him. Joe was never what you would call an athletic guy, nor large in stature. He knew he could not withstand a prolonged contest of strength, but he also knew he had surprise on his side and that he only needed to hold this guy off long enough for the mom to get away. Having accomplished that, Joe was now simply along for the ride, and it seemed that the ride was coming to a quick end.

The kick to his side was followed by another, which made Joe double over, giving the young man a split second to pull his gun hand down. They both twisted and fell to the ground in a heap. They began to roll until a muffled report when off, and Joe could no longer put up a fight. A burning pain erupted in his chest as he found that he was having trouble breathing.

The young man, realizing that his opponent was spent, jumped up and began to run away. He only made it about three steps since it would seem that while Joe had been putting up a fight, his courage had emboldened a nearby trucker to intervene with a tire iron. In all of the excitement, the robber hadn’t noticed another person stepping towards him. With one swing the young man was down and out cold.

Joe heard someone yell to call an ambulance as everything began to grow still and quiet. He turned his head to see a crying young woman holding a small child, a boy, it would seem, and she walked slowly towards him. His eyes focused on that small boy, who couldn’t have been more than two years old. The boy was smiling. Despite his mother’s tears, the gun shots, the screaming, the panic, he was simply smiling. Then, Joe understood why. Joe was smiling as well. Both of them, caught in this absurd crime opera, were smiling at one another.

That bright smile was the last thing Joe saw as the darkness took him.

Sometime later, Druthers found himself walking in a green field one warm spring day. He loved this time of year—so much new life. Ironic since the green field through which he was walking was a cemetery. He looked up and noticed a small group of people standing in front of one grave marker in particular. As he drew closer, he saw that it was a family, consisting of a young dad, his young wife, and two young children. Druther’s walked over to greet the young man.

“Nice day today, isn’t it?” Druthers asked.

“What’s that? Oh, why yes, it is,” the young dad agreed, before going back to explaining something to his children. It would seem that Druthers had interrupted a story.

“At least, that is how my mom explained it to me,” finished the young dad.

The dad then turned again to look at Druthers, pointing to the grave. “Did you know him?”

“Yes, yes I did. I like to come here every now and then to say hello,” answered Druthers. “How did you know him?”

The young man looked back thoughtfully, “Actually, I never met him. He died when I was very young. My mom told me about him, about what he did for us, while I was growing up, so I like to bring my children here to see him.”

“Did your mom know him?” asked Druthers.

“No, actually she didn’t either, not really. At least, they never formally met. But she always called him my own personal hero,” answered the young man.

Druthers nodded knowingly as they both went back to looking down at the tombstone. The young man’s children had obviously lost their patience and were beginning to wander away, so the young family said goodbye and began to walk back to their car. Druthers watched as they went and then turned his eyes back to the reason he had come.

“Did you live a good life?” Druthers said to himself. “I don’t know, but your death has certainly set that young man up for one, and I suppose that may be the best thing to having lived one yourself.”

Druthers then read the inscription out loud one last time before heading to his next appointment:

Joseph L. Curtis b. October 8,1933 d. November 17,1963

Then just one line was added:

“Joe Died a Good Death.”

[stealingpotatoes]

Chef kenobi knows how to make a good lunch

if your definition of lunch is "traumatised cyborg", then yeah! he sure does <3

[r1k11]

today was very tiring... anyway send me askies >.<

[suguru-getos]

hi ena how are you? today i had my first appt for my chronic adhd diagnosis and i just wanted to share it with someone. i hope the medication would get me out of my slump 🫠 anyways just wanted to say i love your works 😻🫵🏻🫵🏻 and satosugu are reading got me all rizzy when i sent this ask 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

Hi nonnie chan 🤭 I’m good thank you! I was sick but my parents ensured I’m not careless with meds & I slept almost 11 hours everyday so I’m fine now!! I’m back at work today (though I’m working from home and would need to drag my ass to the office tomorrow🥲🥲 sadge very sadge)

I’m so proud of you! Thank you for sharing it with me this is a safe space for all of us and I’m happy to hear this. Makes me glad 😌 fingers crossed 🤞🏻 and you’d be outta your slump in no time! Acknowledging is the first step to progress. 🤍🤍 also, yes! SatoSugu are definitely reading this Askie 🤭 & they’re just as proud!! 🥹

[ketso]

Episode 34

It is only 2pm and I’m already bushed. I’ve been in meetings all morning and I’ve been reviewing contracts since 12pm. I haven’t even eaten, and I don’t feel hungry. I spoke to Ntuthuko once or twice today just to check in. He’s still at my place and I’m actually enjoying having him around. We fight from time to time, but I fall more and more in love with him each day. This may sound arrogant, but I think he really loves me too. He has his weird ways of reaffirming his love for me and I appreciate him.

He told me that he will be with Senzi today. Senzi landed this morning from being away for the past week. So, I know he will be home later. But what I like about him is that he’s always available. When I call him, I can reach him. He carries a power bank with him in case his phone battery dies. I genuinely appreciate him.

He’s very different, I must say.

I’ve been with douche bags… severe douche bags. I’d not even be able to contact them for over a week and I had to be okay with that. So Ntuthuko tells me that I have a right to hold him accountable for whatever his responsibilities are to me, and I must never be scared to hold him accountable. Ipantsula lami madoda!

I get a call from reception.

“Hello?” Me.

“Hi Miss Khumalo. There are some people here for you.”

“People?”

“Yeah. They said they specifically want Tamia. You are the only Tamia in the company.”

“What do they want?” I ask.

“Sisi, angazi. They are just not nice.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

We hang up.

I get up from my desk and make my way to reception. I sit on the third floor. So, I use a lift to head to ground floor, the reception.

“You are Ntuthuko’s girlfriend?!” Some woman barks at me. Hai bo!

“Askies?!” Me.

Does Ntuthuko have other women I’m sharing him with?

“You are Tamia Khumalo? And you are Ntuthuko Maphumulo’s girlfriend?” Another woman.

“Yes. Who are you?”

“The four of us are the mothers of his children!” A third one says and shoves what seems to be a one-year-old into my arms.

“This is a place of work for me. What you are doing is intimidation and unnecessary. I can have you arrested for this. I’m a lawyer.” I say.

“Arrested?! So that’s why Ntuthuko treats us like this now. You think you are clever!”

“Sis Pru, call security and the police, please.” I ask the receptionist.

“You are the one who convinced Ntuthuko that we are gold diggers and that we just want his money! You are the one who convinced Ntuthuko that we shouldn’t get money that he can more than afford to give us to support his kids. You pay school fees now. You pay school transport now. You buy groceries for them and when we want money for clothes, we put in requests and support why we need the money. So now, we are leaving these kids with you and Ntuthuko. You must now see for yourself how much it takes to raise these kids. All you get to be is pretty and give him sex while we do all the work of raising his kids! Now, you’ll feel it for yourself.” One of the women say.

“You will clothe them, feed them and do whatever it is you have to do to raise them. Sikhathele thina!” One of them.

“You are not even his type! Look at us and look at you. Awufani nix nathi wena!” Another one.

UNtuthuko wacamela these people, vele? Men and the standards of their erections! Rha!

“Bantwana, umama wenu lo. She takes your dad and all of you. You will be in her life athanda noma angathandi. Niziphatheni kahle. Bye.”

These women leave and I have four kids looking at me… confused as I am. One of them is in my arms. Heh!

I’m not even driving the big car today. I came here with my Porsche, and it will not fit all of these kids. I don’t even have a car seat in that car. Yoh!

“Hi guys”, I greet the kids.

“Hello.” The three standing in front of me greet me.

“My name is Tamia. What are your names?”

“I’m Thulisa”, the eldest girl says.

“I’m Nkosana”, the eldest boy says.

“I’m Bonga”, the younger boy says.

“This is Sihle”, Thulisa tells me that the one I’m holding is Sihle.

“Awesome. So, I’m going to leave you guys here with Sis’Pru very quickly. I’m going to get my bags upstairs, get us an Uber then we can leave. Is that okay?” Me.

They nod their heads.

Sis’Pru smiles at me then nods her head.

“What’s a Uber?” Bonga asks me.

“A taxi”, I say.

“But a fancy one. We will be the only passengers.” Thulisa.

It’s still public transport, but hey.

“We going to be in a combi without other people?” Bonga.

“It’s not a combi. It’s a fancy car.” Thulisa.

“Don’t you have a car? My mom says you and my dad have a lot of fancy cars”. Nkosana.

I look at Sis’Pru.

“Come with me. I’ll get you something to drink while we wait for Mam’Tamia.” Sis’Pru rescues me, taking Sihle from my arms.

“Ngiyabonga Sis’Pru, truly.” Me.

I make my way to the elevator. I dial Ntuthuko.

“Shambula”, he answers his phone.

“Your baby-mamas were here at my workplace, causing a scene.”

“What?!”

“Yes! And they left all the kids here with me. No bags. No lists of possible allergies. No medical records. Nothing.”

“I don’t understand what you are telling me. How did they even find you or know who you are?” He’s very angry now. Imagine how I feel?

“Ntuthuko, your baby-mamas said if I’m going to be with you, I don’t just get to have sex with you, I must take the kids too. And since we’ve decided to control their spending and requests for money from you, we must live with the kids and see how unreasonable we are being.” I explain.

“I’m going to kill them.” He says.

“Babe, don’t give them the satisfaction. Don’t even phone them. It’s fine. We can handle this. I just feel attacked because of how they did all of that in front of everyone at reception. But I’m cool. I’m going to knock off now and take them to the mall. I need to get a car seat for Sihle. I need to buy them clothes and pyjamas because their mothers left nothing! Then we will get some food. We will have to take an Uber. Can you come to my workplace and take the Porsche? It’s not exactly child friendly. I’ll leave the keys with Sis’Pru. Bring your ID. They’ll want your identification before they give you the keys.”

“Baby, you don’t have to do all of this.”

“Ntuthuko, do you understand what I mean when I tell you that I love you?” Me.

“I do. But this is a lot.”

“Baby, the first thing you told me about yourself when we first met is that you have four kids. If that wasn’t something that I’m prepared to deal with, I would have broken things off right there and then. But I didn’t. Because I love you - all of you. Your kids are my responsibility too. Their mothers don’t get to win. They are doing this to break us up and they won’t get what they want because I love your kids. And I’m here for you and for them.”

“Tamia -

“Please, sthandwa sami. Don’t phone them. Let them be. Come pick up the Porsche from the office. We will keep each other updated as the day goes by. I’ll take them to Mall of Africa. It’s the closest mall to the office.”

“Tamia…”

“Yes babe?”

“Ngiyakuthanda. And ngizokushada.” He tells me.

“You going to make me cry. And that’s not the image I’m going for at the office.”

He laughs.

“I love you, okay… and we are fine. The six of us are going to be okay.” I say.

“Shup.”

“Bye baby.”

I hang up.

I pack my bag and spend about half an hour explaining to my boss what’s going on. I tell him I’ll be working from home until I’ve figured out everything. If it gets too steep, I’ll take leave. He tells me that I can take leave, but asks that I be available because we have critical business coming our way. I agree. Now, I head out.

We took an Uber van to Mall of Africa. They actually enjoyed it so much. I also learned, through their conversations, that they all met each other for the first time today. They get along good, so I guess that’s a good thing.

Now, we are at the mall. Sihle is in the car seat attached to the trolley I’m pushing. She’s been on my lap since we left the office. Bonga is in the bigger compartment of the trolley. I’ve learned that he’s four years old. Nkosana, the eleven-year-old, is next to me, and Thulisa, the twelve year old, is on my other side. I put my laptop bag and handbag inside the trolley with Bonga. He promised to be the security for them. The other two promised to be his assistants. Ja neh. They are funny kids. They are not showing me flames like I thought they would. Their mothers are something else. I have my cellphone in my pocket because Ntuthuko has already phoned us twice checking in on us. He also got my car from the office. He said he’d leave it at home then meet up with us here with the bigger car.

Our first stop is Woolworths. I make them choose their own pyjamas, then I pick cute ones for Sihle. I assist Bonga with his choice. Then I tell them we need to get clothes. Only Thulisa is excited. The boys come around eventually. They choose, but I vet the choices. I’m learning that they don’t make sensible choices when picking clothes. They pick what seems nice to them, and they don’t realise that they need matching pants or matching tops. They get shoes and underwear as well. We take over an hour just fitting the clothes. But we finish eventually. I take some bedding for them as well - kid friendly bedding. My house is not exactly set up for kids.

I pay for everything and the plastics are all in the trolley with my bags and Bonga.

From here, we go to a Mr Price kids where I purchase a car seat, a stroller, a cot and a playpen for Sihle. Bonga sees those motor electrical cars and asks for one. I buy him the Jeep version that he likes. The older two get iPads. I think I’ve won them over.

Ntuthuko finds us. He attacks me with a kiss first and a deeply sincere hug.

“You good?” I ask him.

“You are the best decision I’ve ever made”, he says to me.

We kiss again.

Now he greets the kids.

They are excited to see him. They tell him about the clothes we bought, their new toys and gadgets. Ntuthuko mouths a thank you at me. I smile at him.

“We can go eat somewhere nice. We are tired.” I say.

“McDonald’s”, Bonga says.

“That’s boring. Let’s go to Spur”, Nkosana says.

“Yes, Spur.” Thulisa.

These two team up a lot.

I can see Bonga getting upset.

“Sizoya endlini sipheke ke”, Ntuthuko.

“Okay. Okay. We will go to Spur.” Bonga submits.

Ntuthuko pushes this now heavy trolley to the car. Sihle has now come out of the car seat and is in my arms again. I think she’s small and unfamiliar with whatever is happening here. So, I’m her safe place and she’s sticking to me until she gets comfortable again.

We leave Mall of Africa after Sihle’s car seat has been set up and she’s now in it. We realise that my car GLC Coupe is still small. They fit at the back, but not comfortably. Ntuthuko says it’s better than the taxis that they are used to. Imagine!

We get to Spur and they are excited again. But we have to force them to pick a meal first before going to play. Now they are gone. I’m feet are killing me. I’m only realising now that I’m still in heels and a suit. Sihle is in a feeding chair between Ntuthuko and I.

“I want to marry you”, he says as we wait for our drinks and food.

“I want to marry you too”, I say.

“I’m serious. I want to marry you.”

Now I giggle.

“Uzobona wena.” He says.

“How’s Senzi?” I change the subject.

“He’s fine. We went to see Keith. Ay, him and Bassie are really in a bad place.”

“Even with the kid back?”

He nods his head.

“Eish. I thought I’d go see them today, kodwa…”

“They understand. I told them what’s happening. They were actually worried about you.”

“Why though?”

“Tamia, this is not a normal situation.”

“I guess. But I’m fine. I’m just worried about you. Wena uzofuna ukwenzani? Are you keeping the kids permanently? What?! Maybe put something final and legal in place to seal the stability for the kids.” I say.

“You think so?” He asks me.

“Yes. Ntuthuko, they left their kids with someone that they do not know… that they’ve never even met before. They didn’t even know what I look like. What if I wasn’t the only Tamia at the office? And someone else came by, took them and… yoh!”

“Baby, calm down.”

“What kind of mothers are they?!” I say.

“Not one like you.” He says.

I look at him.

“But thank you for everything. You are a hit with them.” He says.

I smile at him.

Our drinks arrive. I’m having wine. Dry and red! I need the whole bottle, but I’ll be a lady and just have a glass for now. Ntuthuko is having beer. I’m sure he’d also like a whole six pack.

I place an order for delivery with Dischem for all the toiletry items that I will need. I’ll pick it up when we drive home.

The food arrives and I go call the kids back to eat. The table is definitely filled with conversation - mostly with me. They seem slightly scared of their father. I wonder what their mothers told them about their father.

By the time the bill comes, it’s 6pm. Ntuthuko pays the bill then we head home. We are all actually tired.

We get home - after picking up my order at Dischem - and when we enter the house, the kids instantly love it. Each person has their own plastic bags. Ntuthuko decides to put up Sihle’s playpen in the TV room. I head upstairs and show them where they’ll be sleeping. I divide the rooms into boys’ room and girls’ room. My place is only four bedrooms. The last bedroom is a guest bedroom and that’s where my mom sleeps when she is visiting.

“So, I get my own room?” Thulisa.

“You’ll share with your sister. But she will probably sleep with your dad and me sometimes”, I say.

“So only two people in one room?” Nkosana.

I nod my head. I’m very confused about these questions.

“At home, only gogo and my mom sleep in the bedroom. The rest of us sleep on the floor in the TV room”, Thulisa.

Okay, now I understand.

“We sleep in the kitchen – me and my five cousins. Then the big people sleep in the TV room. My uncle sleeps in the bedroom with his girlfriends and makes noise the whole night.” Nkosana.

I look at Ntuthuko. He can see that I’m beyond shocked. He isn’t as moved. He is just busy with the playpen.

“Bonga, where do you sleep at home?” Nkosana.

Bonga just shrugs his shoulders. Then he says, “if I make mommy angry, I sleep outside.”

Hai!

Again, Ntuthuko – UNMOVED!

“Well, you have bedrooms here. You don’t have to worry about sleeping on floors or outside ever again. One day, daddy and I will buy a bigger house and you’ll each have your own bedrooms.” I say.

“A bigger house than this one? But this one is a mansion! It even has a upstairs,” Thulisa.

Obviously, I need to get English tutors here. From “a uber” to “a upstairs”. We don’t speak like this. Please!

“What’s a mansion?” Bonga.

“A big house. Like the one that the president of America lives in.” Nkosana.

Weh!

That time, my place is just a duplex.

I run them a bubble bath. I let the girls bath in the main bedroom, and the boys must bath in the second bathroom. The third restroom is just a toilet, a basin and a shower. Where the boys are bathing, it’s a toilet, a basin and a bathtub. Our main bedroom’s insuite bathroom has everything.

I help Sihle bath. She doesn’t cry or anything. It’s pretty easy actually. Thulisa sorts herself out. When I’m done with Sihle, lotioning her and dressing her up, I give her to Thulisa for them to make it back downstairs for her to play in her playpen. I then help Bonga. He tried to bath himself, but shame… he can’t clean himself completely. I notice that both he and Nkosana are not circumcised. I can’t exactly ask them about it, but I’ll raise it with their father to address it accordingly. I’m just worried about the infections that they may get. I also lotion him and dress him up into pyjamas. He and Nkosana head downstairs too.

I’m happy that Nkosana and Thulisa washed the baths. Now, I quickly shower then also get comfortable. I’ve literally become a mother in one day.

Ntuthuko comes into the bedroom. He’s about to get started on the cot.

“Please marry me, Tamia.” This again?!

“Ntuthuko, I’ve been saying that I’ll marry you. I want to marry you too.”

“I feel like you are not taking me seriously.”

“I am. I promise.” I say.

We kiss a bit.

“Baby…” me.

He looks at me.

“The boys are not circumcised”, I say.

He’s also caught off-guard.

“I’m just worried, you know.” I say.

“Did you ask them why it’s not done?” He asks me.

“Ha! Yoh!” Me.

He laughs.

“Chat to them. They are cool kids.” I say.

“I feel like I don’t know them.”

“They are as scared of you as you are scared of them. Just talk to them. Get to know them. I just met them today.” I say.

He nods his head.

“I’m going to sort out their linen. Come downstairs when you are done neh”. Me.

He kisses me again.

…

I’m serious about Tamia. She’s my forever. The minute I saw her with my kids, she put me at ease from my deepest fear - her not loving my children. But she loves them. And they adore her. She doesn’t relate to their struggles because she grew up ‘isi-cheese’. I mean, she got them tutors or teachers or whatever to home-school them because she said they need to catch up on the IEB curriculum before she puts them in a school this side. Lol! Isi-cheese bakithi. Her mother didn’t sound too impressed, but she helped Tamia register the kids for home-schooling and find these people that will run the program with them. We tried to put Sihle in creche for a day assessment. She screamed her lungs out the minute we tried to leave. Tamia said we will get a nanny when she goes back to work, then we will try again with the creche next year. Like I said, isi-cheese. Every time my kids talk about their experiences, Tamia looks like she wants to cry. Imagine how she will be when I start telling her about how I grew up… how my uncle and his wife abused the shit out of me. How I sometimes went a week without eating because they were punishing me for something I didn’t even know that I was doing wrong. How they ran me over with a car after beating me up because I forgot to feed the prostitutes they’d traffic? I was on my way to being taken to social services when my dad and Mam’Nosi found me. It was bad. So, my kids kind of have it better than what I did, that’s why their stories don’t give me a heart attack the way that they do to Tamia.

I know she was exhausted last week after she had to become an impromptu mother in heels and a suit, but I had to thank her in bed after putting the kids to bed. And you know what, after all of that, she still served me and I’m a happily satisfied man. Within a week, my kids are being home-schooled, and they’ve established a pattern nje of being kids, adapting to the new environment and just doing their part to make the family work. I have a real one. I really do. Tamia is truly like no other woman I’ve ever met in my life.

I had to phone my father and let him know what was going on. He arrived last night with my mom and Akwande. They are staying at Senzi’s and Wandi’s house. I understand though. I’m staying in Tamia’s house and she’s my girlfriend. Senzi and Wandi are married. It is more respectable that they stay there.

I’m on my way to their place now to meet with my dad and mah. I have to use the Porsche because Tamia needs the bigger car with the kids. Their mothers have been trying to phone me all week and all morning. I’m ignoring them. They didn’t have the decency to phone me and tell me that they are bringing the kids. Now that all my kids are with me, I have no reason to speak to them. The only reason I ever picked up their calls is because they had my kids. Now that the woman that I love is the one who has all of my children, I only pick up her calls.

I arrive at Senzi’s house. I make my way in. Wandi meets me at the door. We hug then she directs me to where everyone is sitting. MaNdlovu is here with them - not MaTango today. Wandi has a dress on and a doek. She really loves my brother. She respects my family. She introduced me to the love of my life. She’s a real one.

She serves me juice.

She tells us that she is preparing lunch. My mom comes in with biscuits for our juices. I also notice two teapots and some teacups as well as sugar. She was worth every cent that my brother paid lobola for her with.

“Ntuthuko, we are here to resolve your matters. You’ve told me what’s going on. Please bring your mother and your grandmother up to speed so that we can advise as we see fit. The idea is to make a decision here, then we can go to Tamia and have a conversation with her at her place. We would’ve asked you to come with her, but we needed to talk to you first, and we also understand that her hands are full with the kids.” My dad says.

It’s just him, my mom and my grandmother. Senzi is somewhere in the house and Wandi is in the kitchen. I don’t know why Senzi isn’t in this meeting. He’s my brother. My dad says it’s because he’s younger than me. But so what? I was part of his things when he was completing his cultural marriage to Wandi and other cultural obligations.

“Ngiyezwa, baba. Bengicela nokuthi uSenzi abekhona. I know he is my younger brother. But I trust him. And I trust him to walk this road with me as an elder and an advisor.” I say.

My dad smiles at me then nods his head.

“Love, please fetch Senzi for us”, my dad says to my mom.

She nods her head then steps out.

After a few minutes, she returns with Senzi. He briefly greets me with a handshake then sits next to MaNdlovu.

“Senzangakhona, umfowenu asked that you be part of this conversation as an elder and an adviser.” My dad.

Senzi nods his head.

“Ntuthuko will now bring uMaNdlovu nomama wenu up to speed with why this meeting is being called. I’m sure that you are already briefed.” My dad.

We hear Akwande and Wandi briefly chatting.

I begin…

“Bant’abadala, I’ve recently met umuntu engithandana naye. We haven’t been with each other for too long, kodwa I can comfortably say that I’m ready to make her my wife.”

“Hawu! When you say you haven’t been together for long, how long are we talking here?” MaNdlovu asks me.

“About three months.” I answer her.

“And you already want to marry her? Udlisiwe yini?”

I look at my dad. He shakes his head indicating that I shouldn’t respond to that question.

“Since this woman has come into my life, she has definitely encouraged me to plan towards eventually taking my children and living with them. As we all know, I have four children with four different mothers. For a long time, I’ve barely had a relationship with them and have been sending a lot of money to their mothers in the hope of them looking after the kids. When Tamia came into my life and realised the kind of relationship that I have with my children and with their mothers, she helped me to set up the foundation for getting them back eventually. That included me not directly giving these mothers money as and when they ask for it above and beyond the monthly maintenance money that I give them. For example, now I pay school fees directly to the schools. And I’ve learned that the mothers have been lying about the school fees. They’d add on their own money on top of the fees. I now pay for their transport to get to school directly. I buy them the clothes then take it to the kids instead of giving the money to the parents. And I buy lunchbox groceries for the kids.”

“Tamia told you to do that?” MaNdlovu.

“Yebo gogo.”

“Does Tamia have children?”

“Cha gogo.”

“So, someone who doesn’t have children, told you how to father your children with the mothers of those children? And in the event of a fallout should they not agree with another woman controlling the father of their children, what will happen? Is there a plan to manage this impact on the children?” MaNdlovu.

“Gogo! la bantu badla imali yami for themselves. My only responsibility is the children, not their mothers or the other children that surround them in the houses they are growing up in!” I say.

“Weh!” She yells and claps once.

“These mothers then took the kids and dumped them on Tamia at work”, I say.

“Bam’layile. Uyaphapha loTamia wakho! Who does she think she is?!” What’s wrong with this old woman?

“Who does she think she is?! She is the woman who bought clothes and essentials for my kids without me even asking her because the mothers you are siding with left their kids with a woman they don’t even know and didn’t even leave so much as a toothbrush! That woman is housing my kids, created a home for them and is being a mother to each of them without my permission. She actually cares about their well-being and she is going to be my wife.” I’m very annoyed now.

My dad and Senzi notice.

My mom clears her throat then says, “I think what Tamia has done is beautiful. So, what would you like to do moving forward?”

“Thank you, mah. I feel bad that we are all in her house. I’m also humbled by how she’s just taken the role of their mother and ran with it. It would be great if we could fast-track the urgency around paying her lobola. That way, I can buy a house, live with her then legally fight for my children to live with us.” I say.

“Legally?! Angizwa kahle.” MaNdlovu.

“Is Tamia on board with this?” Mom asks me.

“Yeah. We’ve spoken about it. She’s prepared to live with the kids and I full time. She also finds it disruptive for the kids to be moved around all the time when their mothers feel like acting up. Plus, their environments where their mothers stay are not ideal. It explains why they’ve been extorting me all this time as if I raped them.” I say.

“So, you’ve discussed this with everyone but the mothers of the kids? And I’m still waiting for you to explain what you mean by fighting them legally.” MaNdlovu.

“It means I’m going to a court of law and apply for full custody of all of my children. The law will give me full custody. Tamia and I will be their primary caregivers. Futhi Tamia is a lawyer. She will help me.” I say.

“Heh! Shaka! Are you listening to this?! Uyohlukanisa izingane nomama wazo ngenxa yentombi nje?! Ngizwa kahle?!” MaNdlovu.

“Ngicabanga ukuthi ugogo mhlambe uyithatha kabi le ndaba. UTamia is just encouraging ubhuti ukuthi angabi ubaba that throws money at children and call it being a parent. She’s encouraging him to play a critical role in their development as children and as people. Ubhuthi has rights to his kids - rights that omama bezingane zakhe have not been giving him. To them, ubhuti must just send money as and when they request it without asking any questions. Ubhuti is not compelled to looking after anyone that’s not his child and he is well within his rights to make a decision about his money without affecting his kids. Ubhuti is in a position to look after the kids better than what the mothers are doing, and he wants to do that. He won’t deny the mothers access to the kids completely, kodwa he wants stability for them. Tamia helps him provide that stability. And in as much as ubhuti has to co-parent with women he is not married to, it has to be respectful and considerate of the woman that’s currently in his life”, Senzi explains. He’s so calm and diplomatic.

“Why don’t you marry these girls, Ntuthuko? Isithembu is not a bad idea in this situation.” MaNdlovu.

“No thank you.” Me.

“Because of Tamia?” MaNdlovu.

“And what if it’s because of her, gogo? What is your problem vele when it comes to Tamia? I love her. Why is that wrong to you?” Me.

“Kokuqala, don’t talk to me like that. Ngizokusakaza ngempama uhlanye mfana. Secondly, what family is going to give you their successful daughter who has no kids, when you bring four kids and not as much success as she does to the marriage? Did you ever think about that? And thirdly, I’m thinking about the kids here. You and Tamia have no right to separate them from their mothers. Yes, their mothers have made some mistakes. Kodwa ukubathathela izingane pho? Isn’t that a bit extreme?” MaNdlovu.

“It wasn’t extreme when they were taking more money from me than what SARS was taking. It wasn’t extreme when they dumped their very children on Tamia with no phone call, no plan, nothing! What kind of mothers do that?!” Me.

“Speaking of the family issue…. Did you do some background checks on her people?” My dad.

“No. Not yet.” Me.

“Well, I did. She’s Mave’s daughter.” My dad.

“Mave?” Me.

“Mave Khumalo. He’s a business tycoon from Mpumalanga. He dabbles in helping the church out from time to time, but he holds no serious role in the business. He helps us clean the money through charity work, fundraisings and beauty pageants across townships and villages in Mpumalanga and Limpopo. Tamia is his only daughter. He won’t be kind. But we can work him”, my dad says.

I nod my head.

“Have you and Tamia decided where you’ll live? Here or the kingdom?” My mom.

“She has work this side.” I say.

“We have law firms in the kingdom too”, my dad.

“I’ll talk to her.” Me.

“What’s the plan with the kids?” MaNdlovu.

“Tamia got them tutors and registered them for home-schooling for the rest of the year. It will give us enough time to decide on schools for next year. But they are not going back to their mothers.” I say.

“Ja! Ukuhamba ukubona!” MaNdlovu.

I wonder what her issue is with Tamia. She doesn’t even know her.

We had lunch at Wandi’s and Senzi’s house. My parents and MaNdlovu are all sleeping here again today. But for now, we are headed to my baby’s place. I phoned her and told her we are on our way because my parents want to speak to her. I warned her that crazy MaNdlovu is with us and she didn’t take her meds all week. She said she’d be ready when we arrive.

We arrive at her place. We park our two cars that we came in and we head inside. My kids are still in their classes with their tutors or teachers or whatever these white people call themselves. Thulisa is learning in Tamia’s study. Nkosana is learning in the open dining area. Bonga is learning in the patio. Sihle is getting around in her baby walker.

My dad picks her up from the walker and greets her. She starts crying. She only likes Tamia this child.

“Sanibonani”, Tamia greets us. She looks… yerrr! She’s in a blue body-hugging dress. It’s a long dress - maxi dress. It has short sleeves. It’s nice. Then she has a doek on. But her weave is peaking underneath. Thank God it’s black and not blonde. I know MaNdlovu would have made her feel shitty about it.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Tamia.” My mom.

Wandi hugs her. My dad shakes her hand. MaNdlovu just sits down, taking her house in. Tamia’s house is very nice. Not even MaNdlovu can hate. Akwande hugs her as well.

“We would like to talk to you if you don’t mind, please.” My dad.

Tamia nods her head.

Wandi and Akwande disappear. Tamia sits next to me. MaNdlovu wants to say something, but I give her eyes. So does my dad.

“UNtuthuko tells us that things between the two of you have become serious… serious to the point where you are happy to look after our children and become his wife.” My dad.

Tamia looks at me in shock.

“You were serious about getting married now?” She whispers to me, laughing.

I can’t help but laugh too. My dad smiles at us.

“I was.” I say.

She looks at my dad and says, “Yebo baba. I love Ntuthuko and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him… him and everything that he comes with.” She says.

I just want to kiss her.

“Well, we will be ready to pay lobola next weekend. We will send our letter tomorrow.” My dad.

She smiles.

“And we just want to say thank you for looking after our children. We really appreciate you.” My dad.

Tamia nods her head.

The kids come sprinting into the TV room where we are sitting.

“Mama, it’s break time. Can we have our lunch?” Nkosana says with the other two behind him.

“Yes, you may, but first say hi to abant’ abadala.” Tamia.

“Hello”. Nkosana.

“Hello.” Thulisa.

“Hi.” Bonga.

My dad gets emotional. Eish.

“Sanibonani. Ngingumkhulu wenu.” My dad.

The kids look at Tamia for further instructions, not even me - their biological parent.

“Don’t you want to give your mkhulu and your gogo a big hug? Go say hi.” Tamia says to them.

They hesitate a bit, looking at Tamia for reassurance. Then they go. My dad hugs them very emotionally. My mom too. MaNdlovu is not happy AT ALL.

“Nibahle njani”, mom tells them.

“Thank you.” They say.

“Niziphatheni kahle. Siyanithanda.” My dad.

They nod their heads. They go back to Tamia.

“Can we…?” Thuli.

“Okay. Your lunch bags are where they stay in the kitchen, and each lunch bag has all your lunch neh.” Tamia.

“Thank you, mama.” They says. The part that gets all of us is how they kiss her when they say thank you, then they sprint off.

My mom is sold. I instantly see it.

My dad has BEEN sold!

MaNdlovu… I don’t know.

I just hold Tamia’s hand.

[lizzy-frizzle]

now that evil lizzy (former queen) is dead, does good lizzy have any plans?

The mouse queen reigns supreme

[wtf-amiru]

40: How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

So I thought about this one a lot before actually opening it to type bc there's a lot of different ways I could answer this, and i'm only gonna answer for a'miru bc arannis has become an image and i need to work on him soon.

In terms of flaws in general A'miru is very self aware, more of her bad qualities than her good ones tbh. Not to say she's self deprecating or self conscious in any way, she's just...aware. She's spent a lot of time being told exactly what her flaws are in her younger and teenage years before she was ever shown how to put them to good use, so I tend to think she's not very sensitive about it, I think she's gotten past the initial insult of being shown a flaw, even if it is meant to be an insult and either is just above it or can see the root of where it's coming from and goes from there. Where she's at now, she's no problem admitting mistakes and growing, but she's also not going to walked over either, she can't change who she is and she knows that. She's chaos incarnate and she's aware of it and does her best to not be destructive about it.