#VERY STRANGE OUT OF CONTEXT ALREADY BUT EVEN WITHIN CONTEXT ITS LIKE. THE CONVOLUTED WAY THEY RELATE IT TO THE MOZART SONG

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

actually you know what im posting the entirety of this piece of shit scene. no none of this makes any sense

[calliethetrekkie]

Star Trek TOS S01EP15-16: The Menagerie

I decided to review both parts in the same review. It's the same story, so I'd rather be able to go over it all at once. Plus at least half of it when put together is footage from the first pilot, The Cage. I also want to note that, at the time of writing, I have NOT watched Strange New Worlds yet, so I won't be mentioning/considering anything from it or its portrayal of Pike and crew for this review. Anyway, that should do it for window dressing, let us get underway.

Original Thoughts

I'm not even going to try and copy/paste and re-edit both of them to add onto here. This is going to be long enough. You can read my old watchthrough here, but the short version is I liked Part 1, didn't like Part 2 as much, and overall I liked it for the Spock content but it was meh otherwise.

Rewatch Thoughts

God, this took me way too long to get done...

So this episode is the first and only two-parter in TOS. We wouldn't get another one in Star Trek until TNG. One thing kind of weird about this episode is that it's more or less Spock on court martial... after we'd just done a court martial episode for Kirk. When I watched these in the airing order, I think one reason I didn't care for Court Martial is because it felt like we'd 'been there, done that' with The Menagerie, a feeling that didn't repeat in production order which let me enjoy that episode a lot more.

I thought long and hard about how I wanted to organize this. How much I wanted to go into regarding both the actual episode and The Cage footage. It's part of why this review took so long. So after thinking it over... there's not much about the pilot footage that I have to say. It's there to give context for why Spock is doing what he's doing and that's really it. I think I'd rather wait to talk about Pike and maybe the pilot itself in-depth after I've seen SNW, which from what I've heard, adds some additional context. But I'm not there yet, so all I'll say is that the pilot footage really made things drag on what would have otherwise been Court Martial: Spock Edition otherwise hey ST people, if you ever do TOS again, give us the McCoy court martial episode please.

The most I have to say about the pilot footage is that it made the episode a chore to sit through. It's not bad, it's even kind of fun to see the early stuff and cast like Pike, Una, and a younger Spock. Seriously look at Spock's reaction when he and Pike look at the alien plants, its adorable! But it goes on for so long, especially in Part 2, that I lost complete interest in paying attention until it went back to the court martial. At that point we just want to know why Spock chose Talos IV to go to, not to watch an episode within an episode. I know they did it most likely as a cost-saving maneuver, but that doesn't change the fact that it just drags when they could have just... you know, had Spock explaining himself or whatever. It's the only reason that this is a two-parter at all. Again, I get it, but I kept tuning out during those scenes until we finally got to the end of it and we finally understood Spock's plan.

The present-day parts, however, were very much able to keep my attention. We're here at about the mid-way point of the first season, and to say that Spock's actions are a shock is putting it lightly. Spock has been nothing but loyal and by the book the whole series. Just last episode, he defended Kirk despite the evidence to the contrary and did everything possible to find the evidence to clear his name. We already questioned his loyalty in Balance of Terror, but the vast majority of the cast never questioned it, and any possible doubt was brought to a close at the end of it. But in fairness, this is very much a different dilemma as it concerns his former captain. One that he'd been as loyal to as he is to Kirk now. It brings a very unique problem for our favorite Vulcan.

Personally, I find Spock's whole plan... well, convoluted as Hell. I know it's to justify using the pilot footage, and it does add stuff to make it make some sense like Talos IV being forbidden to all ships. But it still feels ridiculous that Spock had to go to these extreme lengths to take Pike to Talos. Honestly, I'm iffy about having Pike taking to Talos at all. I mean... it's just an illusion. He's pretty much been put in a guided cage where he can pretend that he's still physically well, even though that's very much not the case. I guess it's better than his fate of being confined to that chair and only able to blink a light to communicate. But... I don't know, I keep thinking about it and I just don't like it. It feels messed up. But I guess Spock felt that it was the best place for Pike, where he could at least have some kind of happiness.

That said, it says a lot about Spock. The man put absolutely everything on the line just to help his former captain. He outright said at the start that he knew that it was mutiny and that he would be facing the death penalty if caught. But he doesn't care what becomes of him. All that matters is completing the task and getting Pike to Talos IV. Even regarding Kirk, he clearly didn't like going against his back and was not at all happy that his actions inadvertently convicted Kirk as well. Something that I believe that he wanted to avoid... unfortunately for him, Kirk doesn't take having his ship/command taken over from him well no matter who does it or why. Whoops. But still, for all the 'unfeeling, logical Vulcan' bravado, he sure as Hell had no problem dropping all of that here.

Kirk is angry and upset that his First Officer and friend would do this. As I said, he hates it when anyone threatens or endangers his command. Especially at this point in the series. We saw him get mad when Spock pried into him in The Conscience of the King, but this is even worse. As soon as he's back on the Enterprise, he hates it because it means court martialing Spock, which he doesn't want to do. He's willing to give Spock the chance to clear up everything, but he's also angry that Spock is holding things back from him and even lied to him. The last scene of Part 1 is him having Spock thrown in the brig because he won't just tell him why he's done what he's done. I don't even think that he cares too much about his own possible fate. He's certainly unhappy about it, but moreso about Spock because he can't make sense of it and Spock won't talk, only pleading guilty to everything. Why? Why won't his First Officer talk to him? Why go through all of this behind his back? Why allow himself to risk death? He doesn't know, and he can't stand it but can do nothing about it. He can do nothing but let the answer reveal itself, everything out of his control. Sure once it all comes together he's glad and clearly forgives Spock, but I'd imagine that he had a loooot to say when they had that talk later.

McCoy is really only relevant in Part 1, but what he got was so freakin' good. Spock fabricating orders is just impossible in his mind. He is steadfast in his belief that Spock would never lie or deceive them. Sure he ended up being wrong, and about why (Vulcans not being able to lie is the biggest lie in this whole show) but the fact that he doesn't doubt Spock at all and is the one to tell Jim this when he's questioning as he did in The Conscience of the King is so freakin' good. When he realizes that Spock did commit mutiny? And when Spock tells him to have him arrested? You can tell that he doesn't want to do it, let alone believe it. It really sucks that McCoy has no part after that because I can only imagine how much he would have had to say and try to make sense of, especially with also reasoning it with Kirk. But for what we did get, it's good stuff. And especially after The Galileo Seven, it's good to see that McCoy is still loyal to Spock and believes in him despite all the tension in that episode (and even after Court Martial where he got mad at Spock for seeming to not care about the situation, even though it was brief).

Aside from that... I really don't have a lot to say. The episode is okay. Really, everything in the first half of Part One I really enjoyed. It was tense and made me want to keep watching just to make sense of it all. It's when the pilot footage starts that things begin to bog down. Part Two is even more guilty of this until around the last few minutes, and like I said I'm pretty uncomfortable with the ending. It does a lot for Spock's character, adding more depth and showcasing his loyalty to both his old captain and his current one, as well as some nice bits for Kirk and McCoy. Heck, even bits like Uhura being in disbelief by all of this are really good. The episode's weakness is just going for far too long when this could have all been resolved in a few minutes and feels contrived to begin with. I'd still pick this episode over ones like Mudd's Women and the vast majority of Miri, but like with Miri I'd only want to watch it for certain parts (though unlike Miri it's because I'm bored, not squicked out). It's fine, and that's all I've got left to say about it.

Original Ratings: 4/5 (P1), 3/5 (P2), 3.5/5 (Both) Rewatch Ratings: 7/10 (P1), 5/10 (P2), 6/10 (Both)

[My TOS Reviews]

[TOS S1 Reviews]

[Previous Review] / [Next Review]

[fortunatelylori]

This episode is more convoluted than the crypts of Winterfell

Disclaimer: Proceed with caution! There is snark ahead! I repeat: There is snark ahead! It had to be done, people. If I had to sit down and actually take this episode seriously, I would have lost my freaking mind!

So it happened. The first episode of season 8 aired. The leaks were true and I am now officially dead inside. Let’s get started. 

General Impressions

Trying to review this episode is an extremely challenging exercise. There is no cohesiveness to it, no narrative strand to tie it all together. In an ideal world, an episode should be linked by a common theme. It should have a structure that pushes you towards the end from the very first scene onward. 

Here the writers have completely given up on even pretending they care about structure and plot progression. They’re essentially jumping from scene to scene like a freaking gymnast on crack. 

Surprised that Euron managed to travel to Essos and back and Cersei still hasn’t grown her hair? Seems dubious to you that the Wall gang not only survived the Wall falling but managed to get to Last Hearth through zombie infested territory? How about Ned Umber traveling all the way to Winterfell and back to Last Hearth just in time to die a pointlessly shocking and gratuitous death? 

Well, I’m here to tell you to knock it off! GOT does not give a shit. This show has its priorities straight. And those priorities are: 

Pretty pictures of people being dismembered, burned alive or generally dying painful deaths. 

Porn ... we got to get that porn quota up, you guys! Just you ladies, of course! Who the hell wants to see naked men on this show?!?! Not the Ds certainly. That would be yikey. 

For the sake of my own sanity, I’m going to try and bring some order to the chaos by splitting the episode into 3 main story lines. I’m extremely generous here because 2 of those story lines are barely there at all, and the other one is not linked together by anything other than location: 

Story A 

Winterfell is turned into a Big Brother type house where everyone that ever hated each other is now forced to coexist. If I were to pick a main character in this story line it would probably be Jon. 

The problem is Jon is confused and confusing so watching him work his way through this meandering plot is painfully strange and frustrating. And that’s because his POV continues to be, at least, partly hidden, meaning that I never get any idea of what the hell he’s doing or what is actually driving him in this episode. 

Generally this would allow for some sort of character reveal at the end of the episode when all these loose ends would be brought together and we’d finally know what Jon is up to but these are the Ds. They’re going to milk the ambiguity for all its worth and in true Ds fashion run it into the ground from sheer exhaustion. 

If I were to summarize Jon’s story line in this episode it’s: Jon arrives at Winterfell and proceeds to be flabbergasted that the people he knew would be upset that he bent the knee, are actually upset that he bent the knee. He rides a dragon and gets down to some PDA in the middle of nowhere because he needs to amuse the royal bush. He reunites with his long lost family members and spends most of the episode sulking because Sansa is giving him the cold shoulder. 

I feel like I’ll be saying this a lot but this is not a story line. This is a character aimlessly drifting from scene to scene whose reactions don’t make much sense. 

Then there’s the parentage reveal: 

This goes just about as bad as you’d expect. The dialogue is slightly sophomoric with John Bradley being forced to deliver this line straight: 

Your mother was Lyanna Stark. And your father, your real father, was Rhaegar Targareyen. You’ve never been a bastard. You’re Aegon Targareyen, true heir to the Iron Throne. 

This little bit of exposition here just sounds off and strange, despite Bradley’s best efforts to soldier through it. Not to mention that the writers are ripping themselves off by having Sam parrot basically the same thing Bran said in season 7. 

But the real problem with this scene is ... and I’m very sorry to say it ... Kit Harrington. He just doesn’t deliver. He doesn’t find the right tone and reactions to the monumental reveal and the whole scene falls flat on its stupid, exposition face. 

It’s made even worse that this scene is following the Tarlys burning reveal in which John Bradley does, without a doubt, the best bit of acting in the whole episode. 

The Tarlys reveal is a strange and off kilter scene as well but Bradley sells you on Sam’s grief and horror so you’re instantly in his corner, which in turn helps ground the entire piece. 

Harington doesn’t manage to do that so the scene ends up not amounting to much of anything other than setting up the future plot point of Jon and D*ny as rivals to the Iron Throne. We’ve known the truth of Jon’s parentage since season 6. What’s interesting to us in this scene is how Jon reacts to the news and we want to be given the opportunity to commiserate with him. Alas, we never get the chance. 

Story B 

The King’s Landing plot. This is not really a plot. More like an amalgamation of scenes that are sporadically thrown at you in haphazard fashion, with the only goal of setting up plot points for future episodes.

 In quick succession we get Euron and Cersei having sex (off screen). Lena gets about 10 seconds to act some sort of emotion once the business is concluded and we’re off to the next plot point. 

Theon and Yara reunite and separate within the span of 5 minutes and Bronn is off to kill the Lannister brothers - one man sent into hostile territory, in the freezing winter, with a crossbow. What could go wrong here? ... WHO CARES?!?! PORRRRRN!

The funniest thing about this plot is that the White Walkers are treated as an after thought at best. 

Cersei is more upset she didn’t get her elephants. How much do you want to bet that the Ds blew their CGI elephant budget on the dragons? Speaking of which, should we start putting up flyers for Ghost? Lassie has been MIA for a while now, guys. I don’t think she’s coming back this time. 

Bronn is trying to get it on with the 3 prostitutes in what is easily one of the least sexy scenes I’ve ever seen in my life. The 3 ladies of the night, however, seem determined to kill his buzz with talks of dragons disfiguring people. I guess everyone in Westeros is a fan of D*ny’s children, right? You know what they say: no press is bad press and all that. 

Story C

The Wall gang meet up at Last Hearth and, in true redneck style, get down to some barbecue! 

Again this isn’t a story line. It’s just two scenes hobbled together for the purposes of: 

Exposition: we know that they’re going to ride to Winterfell and arrive in the next episode so we’ll have all of our main characters in place for the big battle in episode three. 

Gratuitous child murder: 

Complete with a strange parallel to this: 

I take no credit for this connection. It was pointed out to me by @and-holly-goes-lightly​. At this point they’re just hitting us over the head with the clues that once the Night King is dead, D*ny is the next, big bad. 

And putting the fear of God into the audience when they realize they’ll have at least 1 episode of night scenes: 

Do you see anything? Yeah ... hope you enjoy darkness for a full hour because that’s exactly what you’re going to get. 

Favorite scenes

The opening sequence: 

The writers swore up and down that the first episode of season 8 would be filled with callbacks to the pilot. The only one that lands, in my opinion, and makes a good counterpoint is this scene. Visually, it looks amazing. We have a little Bran stand in to act as the POV and we have Arya watching her beloved brother finally arrive home. 

It’s poignant and unsettling at the same time. When I watched it the first time, I wasn’t really sure why it felt so unsettling to me. I knew that D*ny wasn’t going to receive a warm welcome in Winterfell and I knew she’d be angry about it so that wasn’t the reason for my misgivings. 

Later on I realized, the most unsettling thing to me in this scene is Jon. He left Winterfell as the character that I most relate to and came back as a distant, off putting figure. Jon, who has never been elevated above those around him, is now marching into Winterfell in the midst of a foreign army and he’s so dead eyed and distant, that he doesn’t even notice his sister in the crowd: 

Who are they now? What are they to each other? There’s something deeply sad and mournful about these shots and seeing these two people that were so close at the end of a very long journey of being torn apart. And Maisie Williams does a fantastic job of conveying all of these emotions.

To me this scene was better than Jon and Arya’s reunion. The reunion is pretty by the numbers, with the two of them comparing swords and not truly ever communicating. It was heartwarming but it didn’t have the emotional punch this scene did. 

The Tarlys burning reveal: 

I’ve already talked about this scene in the Winterfell plot section but, while I felt the scene was awkward and choppy, John Bradley completely sold me on Sam’s tragedy and I can’t help but love the scene because of it. 

There is something else that caught my eye, though: 

From this scene, it seems pretty obvious to me that Jorah knew about the Tarlys’ execution. Which makes it all the more interesting that Jon, on the other hand, doesn’t know. I guess he’s not the only one keeping secrets. 

The Gendrya reunion: 

Initially, I really disliked this scene because it feels stilted and it doesn’t flow properly. I still think it’s poorly constructed. However when watching the behind the scenes video, Maisie gave me some much needed context. Her saying that Arya was in love with Gendry and would have followed him to the ends of the Earth finally made the Gendrya relationship click for me. 

While I’ve always liked the idea of them together, I never really understood how we were going to get there. But this is, actually, about a girl reuniting with her childhood crush and him being able to see her as a young woman, instead of a little girl. 

It also plays in really nicely with Arya’s standoffish-ness in the scene, since Gendry abandoning her to go off with the Red Woman gets a romantic connotation as well as explains Gendry’s awkwardness around her. She’s not a little girl anymore and, dare I say it? He likes her. 

It’s all very cute. 

And these lines? 

Gendry:  It’s Valyrian steel. I always knew you were just another rich girl. 

Arya: You don’t know any other rich girls. 

Legitimately adorable banter. 

The scene is also setting up something with the weapon Arya is commissioning. It looks like a spear or an arrow of some kind. It reminds me a bit of that flash back Bran has in the books of one of the Starks making an arrow from a weirwood branch. It’s been theorized that those arrows were meant to kill Aegon’s dragons. I wonder if they’ll tackle that plot point with Arya?

The opening credits: 

Yeah ... I’m really scraping the bottom of the barrel on this ... 

I assume everyone noticed that the title sequence has been changed. What I found really intriguing is that they focus a lot on the underground tunnels of both Winterfell and King’s Landing. 

The Winterfell sequence doesn’t feel like such a novelty since they’ve been pushing the crypts pretty hard in their promotion so far. The crypts represent the parentage reveal as well as possible danger for whoever hides down there once the dead attack the castle. 

But King’d Landing is intriguing because the thing that I most associate with the tunnels underneath the Red Keep is wild fire. I guess we should get ready to see King’s Landing go up in flames. 

Episode MVPs: 

Lord “I think you’ll find you’re wrong” Varys

Varys would have been on this list for this alone: 

Tyrion: You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won’t freeze off. 

Varys: You take great offence at dwarf jokes but love making eunuch jokes. Why is that? 

Thank you, Varys! Thank you! I’ve been saying that Tyrion is a mean spirited hypocrite since season 1. Glad I’m not the only one that noticed. 

But then, Varys goes on to shoot down the idea of a Jon/D*ny marriage alliance with this: 

Varys: Nothing lasts. 

Lolz ... you, my friend, are a STAR! Keep doing what you’re doing!

Sansa “No time for your bullshit” Stark

If looks could kill ... Sansa was so on point this episode that I relished every second of it. Not only did she look stunningly beautiful but she decided to give some much needed reality checks to everyone she came into contact with. 

Apparently everyone that arrives in Winterfell is delusional because Sansa’s actions of merely pointing out the obvious, like: 

Armies and dragons eat a lot. How are we going to feed them? 

or 

You really took your sister at her word?  Am I supposed to keep thinking you’re smart, Tyrion?

Is met with shock, horror and confusion. Everyone and their mother is wondering what Sansa is doing and what she’s up to. Jon is sulking because Sansa is not jumping at the bit to see him. D*ny is upset Sansa doesn’t like her. Tyrion is shocked that Sansa doesn’t think he’s as brilliant as he thinks he is. 

Meanwhile, Sansa is just standing there, not breaking a sweat while everyone around her is twisting themselves into pretezles trying to figure her out. Now that’s a Boss Bitch right there! (yeah, yeah, too much Good Girls. I know). 

Bran “King of the Clap back” Stark

Talking of Boss Bitches, here comes Bran to ruin D*ny’s day. He ain’t having whatever lame attempt at human emotion D*ny is trying to convey and decides to spread some reality checks of his own: 

Bran: The Night King has your dragon. He’s one of them now. The Wall has fallen. The dead march South. 

Also: 

Your hair looks stupid. That coat is lame and I don’t like you very much. 

(this was the subtext, right?)

But Boss Bran doesn’t stop there. He decides to out creep even himself by waiting in the freezing cold of night in order to spook Jaime Lannister upon arrival in Winterfell, like a ghost in a gothic novel: 

Since I apparently have a lot more to say, I’m going to make a little series out of this. In the next two installments I will tackle the J0nereys and Jonsa relationships. Stay tuned!

* none of the gifs or pictures are mine. Thank you to the content creators!

[popwasabi]

“Justice League” Review TL:DR Edition: Prepare to be Triggered, Fanboys...

Directed by Zack Snyder and Joss Whedon

Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Mamoa, Ray Fisher, Amy Adams, Henry Cavill

 There’s a scene in “Arrested Development” that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about “Justice League.”

In season one Michael Bluth is looking through his refrigerator and notices a brown bag left behind by his idiot magician brother Gob labeled “Dead Dove, Do Not Eat.” Michael then curiously opens up the bag anyways, looks up visually exacerbated and perplexed stating “I don’t know what I expected.”

(Honestly describes the MCU for me to a certain degree too...)

That’s in many ways the DCEU in a nutshell because despite a long history of lunacy (“Man of Steel,” “Suicide Squad,” “Dawn of Justice”) perpetuated by a dumb idiot (Zack Snyder, David Ayers) we dived head first into another clearly marked brown bag of a movie expecting something different only to get exactly what it told us it was.

“Justice League” certainly has a few good moments between the action, the visuals and some of the individual performances (Ezra Miller shines as Barry Allen and his humor often works in the movie) and is certainly not the worst movie that came out this year but after such a huge shot in the arm for the franchise with “Wonder Woman” it’s amazing how huge the drop in quality is here.

I WANT darker alternatives to the MCU in the super hero genre, I WANT a good Justice League movie and Marvel is faaaaar from perfect with their franchise but the DCEU simply fails here again.

There’s a ton to dissect here and it’s impossible to talk about this movie without going into SPOILERS so you are being warned now that this review will be long and thorough.

(Complainers will be subjected to Jared Leto’s method one acting class...)

Let’s begin shall we:

 “Justice League” tries to please everyone thus pleasing no one

Let’s start this review by debunking a couple myths as to why the DCEU doesn’t perform as well as the MCU; *in nasally neckbeard voice* “It’s because it’s darker and general audiences just want films that are ‘fun.’ Critics are biased toward Marvel.”

Wrong!

“The Dark Knight’s” summer long success run back in 2008 crushes the myth that 1) blockbusters need to be “witty” to be successful and  the even more absurdly 2) the idea that critics are biased toward Marvel flicks.

(Oh and hey look what happens when you competently direct a DCEU movie =D...)

Sure “The Dark Knight” came out in a much different super hero landscape than it is today and the MCU has certainly coasted on its “we’re the FUN franchise” for the last near decade but trust me people aren’t as against watching films that are complex and certainly enjoy dark tones and themes more than you think.

(Seriously!? Are you DCEU fans not seeing this?? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!)

The DCEU tries to be dark and serious super hero story-telling but the problem is the writing is God awful and most of the time makes no fucking sense. If the writing doesn’t make sense then the tone means fuck all!

Changes to these super heroes mythos could’ve been great and even welcome if they were written in a way that wasn’t dumb and that’s why “Man of Steel” and “Dawn of Justice” are total train wrecks. Snyder clearly doesn’t like Superman, or cares what he stands for, and though he seems to like Batman he has some very strange ideas about who this character is too.

(I have a lot to get into here so for futher explanation on that read my other long review on Dawn of Justice...)

So it has nothing to do with the films’ being dark. Trust me, I think there are a lot of fans out there, including myself, who want a dark and serious alternative to the campiness of the MCU but you gotta do it right, Warner Brothers!

But of course the studio, here, learned all the wrong lessons from these flops and the result is by far the most MCU like DCEU movie to date and it clashes with the established tone of the franchises constantly. The film feels almost like a soft reboot within a sequel because of this as Batman becomes suddenly, humorouslessly self-deprecating, Aquaman wisecracks every scene kind of like Thor, and even Amy Adams gets in a few dumb jokes. It’s not surprising Ezra Miller’s Flash is the most humorous (and also best character) of the bunch but it still sticks out after four movies where everyone is generally speaking pretty straight-faced.

(Admittedly, some of this light-heartedness was welcome though.) 

It just feels like a different movie now and not in a good way. The studio simply learned the wrong lessons from the previous flops; fans don’t want light-heartedness, they want good writing!

“Wonder Woman” this summer managed to do this the right way by maintaining a serious tone but still having room for humor and it fucking succeeded! Granted this movie was all but finished by the time that film came out but seriously it can be done!

There’s plenty of reasons why the MCU is a successful franchise but being humorous is only ONE of them. They may not have the complex ideas that the DCEU attempts to tackle but they are written and directed in intelligent ways. It’s the film-making equivalent of a west coast offense as opposed to the DCEU attempting verticals every play. You just can’t expect to hit the long ball every time over the course of two plus hours.

(Ask your football nerd friends...)

If the DCEU really wanted to match the MCU’s success there was a clearly marked way to do it while still being dark but as I’m about to point out they missed that too...

 Why the rush?

One thing that has baffled me the most about this franchise is its incessant need to play catch-up with the MCU. From the moment “Batman v. Superman” was announced at Comic-Con back in 2013, Warner Brothers seemed to think that if they had an ensemble super hero film too they would be instantly as financially successful as the MCU’s “Avengers” as well.

(How I imagine the interns may have sounded at Warner Bros Studios when they announced the reshoots for “Justice League.”)

People tend to forget that before “The Avengers” there were five films, spread out over four years that laid the backstory of each character, their personalities, their strengths and weaknesses and arcs and it set up for one hell of a team-up in 2012. “The Avengers” worked largely because they didn’t need to do anymore exposition, all they needed to do was just let the characters play off each other and do cool shit on the screen. Joss Whedon gets a lot of credit for bringing this all together but really all he did was do the sports equivalent of an alley-oop dunk from his point guard.

(Also figurative representation of Disney against their competition.)

“Justice League” actually had four years to work with too between their “Iron Man” (“Man of Steel”) and their big super hero teamup and hooooow did they decide to spend it? A convoluted sequel that attempted to setup the ensemble team for this movie, a God awful “Guardians of the Galaxy” clone released a few months later that year and finally an origin movie earlier this year for one of the team’s signature characters.

Warner Bros got only one thing right in the middle of these two movies and it was easily their best film to date. There’s a reason why Wonder Woman’s scenes go by the most smoothly in the movie; it’s because we already know her, we know what she’s been through, who she cares about and why she matters. Yes, all these characters have long established backstories in the comics that I’m sure all the NERDS were well aware of going into this movie but when you’re dealing with this many main characters you can’t expect us to feel connected to this team that we’re all essentially meeting for the first time here.

No, we definitely don’t need to see Batman’s parents shot again in another solo film but we could’ve definitely used origin films for the other characters. An Aquaman movie that describes the tension going on between him Mera in Atlantis could’ve given context to that scene in this movie. Cyborg’s film could’ve showed us why he doesn’t quite have control over his parts yet when he shoots Superman out of self-defense and would’ve made that scene make more sense. Or even a Flash movie that describes his relationship with his dad and why he keeps trying to save him would have given us an emotional context that carries over in this story (granted I watched the CW show, so I’m familiar with this character but that still doesn’t excuse this rushed backstory here).

(The DC CWverse: Somehow more consistently good with its goofy soap opera shit than these big budget Hollywood blockbusters.)

Don’t get me wrong, I think the actors involved all did a great job with what little they were given but they are ultimately bogged down by the need to explain their backstories in the middle of all of this because of the missing context.

“Avengers” did this the right way, as we saw Thor and Loki’s brotherly squabble carried into the ensemble film, Cap still struggling with being frozen for 60 years making him distrustful of his new handlers and Tony Stark still having a guilt complex from the first movie that carries into his near ultimate sacrifice at the end of the movie, not to mention the continued romance with Pepper Potts that helps lead him to this decision.

(Hey look! Context in action before “Civil War” last year!)

The point is thematically these are continuations of established characters where we see continued development in the ensemble movie; it’s building upon an established base instead of doing it all at once. Basically what I’m saying is “Justice League” is the fifth book in a graphic novel series without its third and fourth volumes (the other origin stories). 

We don’t get to see these other characters earn their capes and tights and thus the film feels distant and disjointed because we haven’t been shown why we should care yet about these other characters. When Batman gets blunt with Wonder Women about being gone for nearly 100 years and her relationship with Steve Trevor it’s an “Oh shit” moment for us because we GET IT because we saw IT happen in her movie. Imagine having that same “Oh shit” moment about the other characters; we could have seen real continuing development of these characters here instead of shoving it down our throats in one gulp of a movie.

(CONTEXT! CONTEXT! CONTEXT!!!!)

It’s a real missed opportunity by Warner Bros not to establish these characters in their own solo films before the big team-up but here we are unfortunately.

  Steppenwolf looked terrible and was terrible

Ok, time to get into some more specific problems with the movie and it starts with our CGI monstrosity of a villain; Steppenwolf.

Much in the same way not establishing solo film back stories for our heroes before the movie was a problem, having a hammy Steppenwolf backstory piled on top of all the rushed exposition was a mistake too.

The film could’ve benefited from an old established villain coming back much in the same way Loki did in Avengers with perhaps Lex Luthor instead, even with all his cheesy ridiculousness (Zodd, if they hadn’t killed him, would’ve been even better) but instead we are treated to one of the most lazy, one note, and most of all boring comic book bad guys to date.

(Actually, I’m starting to understand why Steppenwolf was largely left out of the trailers...)

His backstory includes a vague need for galactic conquest that concludes with something called the “mother boxes” (more on that later) and he’s pushed back by the combined forces of earth’s Amazonians, Atlantians and human warriors including presumably Earth’s last Green Lantern. After he’s pushed back, the three alliances agree to hide the mother boxes away should Steppenwolf return and of course he does.

Now here’s where it gets stupid.

Steppenwolf and his army have some kind of Thor Rainbow Bridge like technology that transports him wherever he needs to go (I’m sure all the comic book nerds understand what this is, but the film doesn’t explain it at all) and it allows him to drop on all but one of mother boxes with little notice. The reason he’s showing up now is apparently he had viewed the presence of Superman to be the biggest obstacle to his conquest and now that he’s dead he see’s Earth as vulnerable but this begs a couple questions.

1)      Superman had been on the planet for, give or take, 25-35 years, based on how old Clark looks in this movie. What was stopping him from showing up before? Steppenwolf is clearly not afraid of the Amazonians or Atlantians since he wipes the floor with them all pretty easily in the movie. If we assume that it’s based on how powerful they were in ancient times, let’s say they stopped being powerful around the time of “Wonder Woman” since they chose not to get involved in the war, that’s still about 80 years of vulnerability especially during WWI and WWII. Why didn’t he come back then?

2)      Why was it so hard for him to find the third motherbox…for about half the movie. He drops in on the first two instantly with his teleportation technology and takes them with little resistance. It begs the question; why are these items so ill protected if they are so dangerous? But again the third box for some reason is “hidden” to him when all the flashback shows is that they buried it in the woods. But it didn’t matter that it was hidden cause as soon as the League whips it out he drops in and picks it up, again, instantly and without any resistance. It was such baffling moment in the movie when Steppenwolf basically drops in and goes “lol yoink” with the third motherbox that I could not stop laughing for a solid ten minutes in the theater. Nobody on earth can protect these basically super atomic bombs, Steppenwolf can teleport and drop in pretty much whenever, wherever he wants and we’re all supposed to not find all this hilarious?

(Me x1000)

But really, there’s nothing to care about here with Steppenwolf and he may as well have been as faceless as his parademon henchmen. The movie gives us no reason to be interested in him and he does nothing besides bellow the same “FOOLS!” and “MANIACAL LAUGHTER FOLLOWED BY LOFTY DIALOGUE ABOUT ‘THIS IS YOUR END!’” in the movie and it makes him even more forgettable than some of the MCU’s worst bad guys. His entire character, starts and ends with these dumb mother boxes which leads to my next point…

 Motherfucking mother boxes

The film begins on a pretty preposterous set up when Batman causes a scouting parademon to combust whose remains form the symbol for these motherboxes. It’s a setup so ridiculous that it really doesn’t deserve a real analysis.

But what the hell are these things? The only thing the movie does is establish these were made by Steppenwolf and that they contain a limitless power of some kind. If it’s something more specific the movie glosses over this fact pretty badly with its choppy editing thanks again to the need to establish everyone’s backstories.

(“It’s like poetry, it rhymes..”)

Supposedly the third box was discovered by Cyborg’s dad and used to create his cybernetic body. How he discovered it, what exactly happened to Cyborg is not explained but again shows another example of how a solo film would’ve greatly benefited this movie.

Imagine a Cyborg movie where we setup everything about what the mother box does and the Justice League movie only needs to explain where it came from. Don’t worry you don’t need to imagine it because again the MCU did it the right way with the Captain America film setting up the powers of the Teseract and in “The Avengers” they expand upon it.

(Seriously, if we’re going to try to emulate the MCU here at least follow the blue print correctly!)

Anyways, Steppenwolf gets all the mother boxes together (hilariously easily, as previously stated) and puts them together to create another generic doomsday device. Now this plot device is a problem across a lot of action movies, especially super hero flicks, but it would help if the film made it clear what the hell these three items combined do exactly.

Steppenwolf arrives in Russia to combine the boxes and “reshape” the world (whatever that means) and it begins creating some weird vortex around the encampment along with his parademons and all hell breaks loose both figuratively and literally. Again, the movie doesn’t go much into why or how these mother boxes use their power and without that context it’s hard to care about what’s going on beyond the fact that earth is some vague sense of world destruction.

(Still not dumber than this scene though...)

It’s not exactly clear who’s to blame here between Zack Snyder’s original cuts and Joss Whedon’s reshoots but clearly the studio over managed this production and the finale feels flat because of it. 

Again these films could’ve benefited from some buildup from origin films for these characters where context can be established, especially for a big plot device like this so we’re not scrambling to make the film both fun and understandable. There’s just too much God damn context missing here and while I have a hard time believing a full Snyder led Justice League movie was perfect in its original form, I have a feeling it was at the very least a little easier to understand.

The studio fucked up, plane and simple.

 Killing Superman was a mistake and bringing him back made it worse…

Anyone knows anything about comic books knows that the original “Death of Superman” and its notorious fallout were controversial to say the least. The original 11-issue series and its follow-up marked basically the end of death in comic books and established that characters can die and come back thus eliminating in some ways the tension of danger they face in their stories.

There was absolutely no need to kill Superman in “Dawn of Justice” and given how little his character was built up through barely two movies it was hard for anyone, outside of rabid DC fan boys, to care that he bit the dust especially when it was obvious he was coming back. Killing him off and bringing him back may have been effective later in this franchise (assuming it ever makes it there) but giving him the ax in just the second movie when your big hero teamup was just around the corner reeked of over compensating for a poor script by using a heroic sacrifice that would ultimately be meaningless in the end.

(Also, how did NO ONE think this looked awful at Warner Bros in post production?? #Mustachegate)

This dumb move rolls into “Justice League” and creates a new set of problems that makes the story even more nonsensical. It was hard to imagine Snyder going with the original “hibernation” angle from the comics to revive Superman but what he decides to do otherwise is both weird and a little crazy.

So the Justice League has finally gotten their hands on the last mother box after a confusing (but nonetheless fun) battle with Steppenwolf. The team is trying to surmise a plan and Bruce comes up with the brilliant idea to use the combined powers of the motherbox and the Kyrtonian incubation tub that created Doomsday to revive Clark Kent. It begins with Flash and Cyborg digging up his grave and it’s about as weird as it sounds and this whole idea has a couple problems with it both thematically and literally.

1)      There is no reason to believe that these combined powers will somehow bring back Superman exactly as he was. It was already confusing enough when Lex made some weird clone hybrid of Zodd that somehow created Doomsday in “Dawn of Justice” but nothing about this incubation chamber says that it can bring the dead back to life. I always interpreted this baffling moment of the movie as Lex either creating a zombie or a clone and it both cases it was ridiculous and so is this idea of using this technology to bring back Clark. Gathering the DC equivalent of Dragon Balls would’ve been less weird and dumb at this point.

Also like why the hell would you even CONSIDER doing that after what happened last time!? After the last movie Batman should’ve kept that idea COMPLETELY off the table!

2)      If we accept that the mother box is the true catalyst to bringing the dead back to life since it worked on Victor Stone why doesn’t Superman comeback as one too? By the logic of this setup Superman would’ve come back part machine too and by the logic of the outcome (Superman coming back as himself) why wasn’t Victor interested in going in himself to cure his malady since the script makes a point of stating he feels miserable in this form? 

3)      The idea that Batman see’s Superman as all they need to stop Steppenwolf really debunks the need for a Justice League when you think about how this was written. Batman is supposed to be this mastermind that comes up with these unique solutions to complex problems. But nope, the script basically goes, “Meh let’s bring Superman back” after getting beat exactly once in the film. The point of a big teamup story like this is to display how well these unique characters work together but instead all this shows thematically is that the Justice League needs Superman and perhaps he doesn’t need the Justice League as he clearly displays just how much more powerful he is compared to everyone including Steppenwolf. There were ways to write in Superman’s return without it being dumb but alas here we are…

Anyways so Superman comes back and of course he has amnesia (conveniently until the script says he doesn’t) and he has a brief throwdown with the rest of team who, as mentioned, he greatly outmatches. Batman states before the initial resurrection that he has a “trump card” in case Superman should turn out to be evil and it ends up being Alfred conveniently driving up and comically dropping off Lois in  front of him just before Clark turns Batman’s head into goo. The whole scene plays out as hilariously as it sounds that the only thing that could’ve made it funnier is if Batman said “Martha” to Superman instead this time (and I’m not putting it past Synder that he may have actually had that in the original rough draft).

(”Do you like me now, Lois? Do you? DO YOU!? *laughs maniacally*”)

Clark, after some alone time with Lois and Ma Kent, arrives in the nick of time to save everyone’s asses and help destroy Steppenwolf (by doing most of the work) and it’s still not exactly clear how they defused the mother boxes. In what could’ve been a heroic return Superman becomes Deus Ex Machina-man due to the poor writing and poor build-up from the previous films and it just left me burying my head in my hands.

 There’s a lot more I can get into here (Yeah, I know) but I’ve already rambled waaaaay too long here (thanks, anybody who sat through this with me). Basically, TL:DR the majority of this films problems have to do with the behind the scenes meddling of the studios and their inability to understand what makes the MCU successful and the result is a hollow, rushed mess. There’s no Marvel bias here, no paid off critics (or at least not enough of them) to tip the scales in favor of Disney and simply put this franchise doesn’t get it.

Trust me, I would loooooove to have a dark alternative to the MCU, I WANT to see a great Justice League movie, it’s getting more and more tiring to see the same generic popcorn flick over and over again churned in by Marvel choosing comedy over substance but that doesn’t change the fact that they are still far sharper films in almost every way compared to the DCEU.

I don’t even think I hate this movie I’m just frustrated by it more than anything.

In a weird way I think this is why I keep watching these DCEU films; because I know at the very least they’ll be different and it’s got that much going for it at least but that’s not enough to make a real franchise. The success of “Wonder Woman” still gives me soooome hope that there is a chance for a great ensemble DC movie in the future and if “The Flash” movie weren’t in production hell I might’ve had excitement for his solo venture given how well he performed here. Hell, this isn’t even the worst or even second worst DCEU movie to date but at some point Warner Brothers needs to look at the problem with more nuance than simply making the films “funnier.”

It’s not entirely too late to fix all these issues but the franchise is once again on life support and the other DC fans, like myself, (not visuals crazed fanboys) are hoping for real change in the writing that pays homage to these great characters instead of being a pale imitation of Marvel’s own.

But until that time comes I guess I’ll just rewatch “Wonder Woman” and fantasize about what might’ve been…

 VERDICT:

*Exacerbated grumbling*

Find you a franchise that looks at you the way Superman looks with a CGIed upper lip...

[ramajmedia]

10 Craziest Fringe Cases, Ranked | ScreenRant

J.J. Abrams’ Fringe was an extraordinarily innovative sci-fi series, filled with mind-blowing pseudo-science, heart, and slick action. However, its first season was a procedural, in order to feel more accessible. And yet, even after breaking that conventional formula in season two, some incredible investigations still emerged. It is surprisingly easy to invest in the ensemble of fantastical characters, for their comedy, determination, and flaws. This keeps everything grounded, no matter how bizarre the cases get.

It’s quite the magic trick, how this show consistently translated the impossible with fun, convincing theories. Here’s the ten wildest cases that ever boggled our minds—something this show achieved with unique dexterity. Spoilers!

RELATED: Lost: The 10 Most Heartbreaking Deaths, Ranked

10 Bound

The first season bears many “traditional” cases which established the tone of this show, if not its truest identity. But this episode has a simple, creative, and certainly repulsive concept. In this episode, Olivia gets some great action as she escapes capture. While investigating her abduction, the team runs into a related murder. Someone has used a supersized cold virus to kill someone.

The lecture sequence is especially memorable, as the CGI and sound effects are gleefully disgusting. The slimy virus pushes its way out of the victim’s mouth and slithers away. It’s so effective, the concept was totally replicated with a giant roundworm in the second-season episode “Snakehead”. Unfortunately, there’s certainly no cure for the common cold.

9 Jacksonville

The parallel universe was a crucial, innovative addition to the series’ mythology, frequently inspiring the best the show could offer. Alternate timelines are innately intriguing already, but the deliberate line between just two similar universes created superb drama. In this stunning premise, the connective tissue between the two universes has merged building and people together.

It’s visually arresting, and a conceptually thrilling issue. The ticking clock of an impending follow-up disaster also drives some great backstory for Olivia’s childhood. This adds context to Walter’s ethical mishaps in the past. Also, Olivia finally learned the truth about Peter, which gradually fueled great character development.

RELATED: 5 Things Fringe Did Better Than The X-Files (& 5 Things X-Files Did Better)

8 The Ghost Network

The main premise of this case isn’t quite as groundbreaking as later investigations. At some point, Walter helped to create a secret frequency range for covert messages. One unlucky man has happened to tap into it, and he’s suffering.

However, the disasters he envisions are truly startling. This was the first appearance of “amber”, wherein a gas erupts and solidifies everything within its grasp. It’s a very creative crime scene, and ultimately, this becomes absolutely central to the show’s mythology. It was vital to the alternate universe, and even in season five’s plans. Amber was a frightening, inventive, and iconic addition to the show.

7 Through the Looking Glass and What Walter Found There

The fifth season’s taut storytelling provided some of the show’s brightest moments. The pacing was improved, the family dynamic was stressed, and the Observer plot was terrific. In this episode, Walter removes a tape from amber that sends him on a wild journey into a pocket universe. This pocket universe is a disorienting, surreal place, and Walter runs into the strange Observer-like boy from season one. The fifth season was heavy on well-executed fan service.

The brisk pace of this episode is incredible, as our team races the Observers to find Walter. Natural laws of reality are totally distorted. We also get Observer-vision for a minute, and Peter’s foray into Observer abilities is definitely striking.

RELATED: 10 Burning Questions That Fringe Never Answered

6 The Day We Died

Brad Dourif, known as Chucky from the Child’s Play franchise, superbly plays the leader of a cult. Rather than a Cult of Chucky, his followers bear the lame moniker “End of Dayers”. However, their intent and methods are interesting nonetheless. At the behest of “Walternate”, they are intentionally destabilizing the universe’s soft spots. This season three finale was a complete flashforward, but it isn’t just a vision.

Peter actually lives through the horrendous events that will occur, and a temporal paradox is the only way to prevent them. The Doomsday Machine turned out to provide some inventive storytelling. We also learn the truth of the First People legend, and Peter’s abrupt disappearance was a very creative cliffhanger.

5 White Tulip

Peter Weller is a fantastic character actor, known best for Robocop. But he’s shown up in Star Trek Into Darkness as well, establishing the J.J. Abrams connection. In this episode, the series flaunts how well it can handle time travel. Weller’s character is attempting to rescue his wife using the technology, which has grotesquely mutilated his body. But it also accidentally kills an entire train of people, while draining the power from everything on board.

It’s a great setup, and although the situation seems rote, it’s handled very well. It also serves as a great parallel to Walter’s ethical issues about Peter. The result is one of the most meaningful episodes of the entire show.

RELATED: Fringe: The 10 Most Groundbreaking Episodes, Ranked

4 The Road Not Taken

In this memorable episode, the case itself is once again more of an aside to the craziest ingredients. Although, the show did find a pseudo-scientific theory for spontaneous combustion, which is undeniably impressive. It’s ultimately a result of experimental attempts to generate pyrokinesis.

However, the most mind-blowing thing about this episode is undoubtedly Olivia’s strange visions throughout. It was in this episode that all the clues come together, and establish the possibility of the parallel universe for the first time. At first, fans wouldn’t realize just how significant this turn of events truly was. But it was certainly the most appealing way to introduce such a fantastic theory.

3 Letters of Transit

Without warning, an abrupt glimpse of the future is thrust upon the audience. The entire concept of season five was established in a single, compelling story with a great protagonist. Etta isn’t just a great actress, but very well casted for her likeness to Peter and Olivia. This episode promised the network and fans what was in store, sans cancellation. It’s a bold move, and the Observer plot is an ingenious use of time travel.

As dark as this show could be, this dystopian future is easily the darkest chapter for our heroes. The episode was totally unexpected, creative, and action-packed. It would have been an absolute shame if we didn’t have the opportunity to explore this terrifying vision.

RELATED: 10 Best X-Files Episodes (According to IMDb)

2 The Arrival

There’s no question that the Observers were the greatest mystery of the show. This is because they were generally an aside, rather than directly incorporated into the plot. Their behavior and appearance is strange, to be sure. But the Observers’ actual purpose and origin remain concealed for quite a while.

In this early episode, a strange “Beacon” device is the driving plot. Its design is unsettling, and its intent is certainly confusing. Further, Walter eventually reveals that these strange people have ties to his past, regarding Peter. This episode establishes the course for a very convoluted history of Peter’s origin and future Observer mythology.

1 Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

Ah, yes, the continued tradition of the nineteenth episode being utterly bonkers. This is the episode with all of the animation. Olivia has been possessed, and in order to rescue her mind, Walter and Peter have to literally enter it. And in order to do that, they take LSD. This is easily the most bizarre case of all, and it involves Olivia herself. The mind is always a unique, unnatural, haphazard place to visit.

Few things feel assembled and cohesive there, so much of this story is consequently abstract. Besides the concept of possession itself, the journey through Olivia’s mind was a brave risk and resulted in absolute craziness.

NEXT: 10 Best Fringe Episodes, According To IMDB

source https://screenrant.com/craziest-fringe-cases-ranked/