#Urgh. So fucking good
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In like a month and a week (okay that’s optimistic, fine, a month and almost two weeks lol) I will fully be able to afford the laptop I've wanted for MONTHS and genuinely I feel like I'm staring at such a bright future now. Maybe I'll be able to play SSO at more than 10fps... maybe I can play Sims at higher graphics settings... maybe I can, idk, get more than those two games or even just all my Sims expansion packs because I'll have 8 times the storage space... maybe I can have large spreadsheets open without breaking my laptop... or even two medium-load programs open at the same time.... the possibilities are truly endless
At least one laptop store had BETTER fucking do like a back to school sale or something. Cmon just give me 20-25% off. It's all I ask (I don't NEED the sale I could still afford it but it has been on frequent enough 20-25% sales that I will NOT buy it full price that would just be stupid)
#not sure what I'll do with my current laptop#maybe put it in storage in the basement for if I ever need a temporary solution lol#would keep it as a work/school laptop but unfortunately it lags even with the medium heavy programs I sometimes need for work/school#and ALSO does not have sufficient storage space#The storage space is probably honestly my largest limiting factor. I have 128gb on this bitch.#The laptop I wanna get has a full TB which is definitely more than I need but the prospect of never having to worry about filling it up?#Urgh. So fucking good#Like realistically I'd be good with 512gb that already is a ton#But hey. The bad boys with good processing power didn't come with less than 1tb. and I will not complain.#z talks#not horse game
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FUCK THEM UPPPPPPP TILL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD
The visuals of Till's splash art (in my humble opinion, the best one so far) is STUNNING. AND very interesting.
For Till specifically to cover All-In is an interesting message to give off, All-In is a song about freedom. A type of freedom that allows you to live confidently and freely, creating whatever type of world you want, the stage is yours, so make what you want of it. living confidently in YOUR OWN SKIN. And living freely "cause you only got one life to live"
Freedom is something Till fights for relentlessly, and confidence is a bravado, as by far the most uncontrolled and tested person in the cast, he still fights for his boundaries and self-expression even when he's punished, molded into something he's not, or beaten into obedience, tested far past the limit; he never loses his bite. A wild dog can never be tamed.
This is the cover that follows what becomes of Till after round 6, and still, in Till's all-in, he sounds so raw, pained, energized, and passionate desperation is evident. It's a contrast from HyunA's celebratory cheers and upbeat mood because Till isn't celebrating the idea of freedom; he's angrily proving to everyone, especially the aliens, that he isn't backing down yet and he'll still keep fighting and that he can fight for his own freedom.
Till's cover of All-in is truly the most powerful depiction of Till's fighting spirit, after everything he's gone through, the pain, the grief. It's all in his voice and the way he sings he's pained the entire time he sings and he's aggressive because the fire of his spirit is lit once again. He's going "all-in" so to speak and expressing himself.
The tape around his neck--
It's a contrast to HyunA who doesn't mind showing her brand, even proudly showing it off as a form of reclaiming her individualism.
Till is different. Because being reminded that he is and was once a pet is not something he would want to remember about himself, he will always bitterly try to distance himself from that fact in any way he can, HyunA feels free from the system when she can own it, but when Till sees his branding, he'll still always feel that collar. It's a testament to his self-deprecation, as long as the evidence of his past is present, and he still feels all the pain the aliens inflicted on him, It'd be presumptuous to think he'd ever feel like he can relate and fit in with the other "fools" who are so free.
It'd be presumptuous to think he'd ever feel free. That's what the aliens wanted, right?
Another interesting part of this is that the name 'All-in" is actually a real-life poker reference, to go "all-in" in poker is to voluntarily bet all of your remaining chips, there is nothing else you can do but hope for the best after that point (and hope you win).
When HyunA sings All-in, she deceives you into thinking she has the upper hand or good hand, and that she will win. When Till sings it, he's giving it all away recklessly, he's showing all he has. Basically, him saying fuck it. he doesn't know if he'll win or not but says, "Let's go all-in and risk it all anyways" Even if internally he knows that this is stupid and risky, this is his foolish rebellion.
At this point he has nothing to lose and nothing to gain, it's his final stand as he lets his heart out not for the crowd, but for the family he lost, himself, a form of self-expression. He will be so nervous, so aggrieved but it's the freest he will ever feel on that stage.
The color symbolism also drives me CRAZY.
For his other two splash art, he's been represented with a color close enough to teal. In both songs, he's open when he sings and fully serene. Teal is a generally calming color, and it's not too evocative. It's more emotional (and has it's own reservations)
And then, we have green, which is a general symbol of growth, new beginnings, and freshness. After all, Till has been through all-in is a sign of his growth. And a new era of his life, or in other words a sudden tonal shift from his depressive state in round 6.
And for my favorite (it's not.) part! the head shot, (interesting how his has nearly the biggest impact out of them all.)
A bit of a theory.
It's a bit similar to one particular art of him, he has a little shape that's almost akin to impact from a gunshot near the same area.
So, I think this is tell-tale symbolism for a future injury, but the gun portrayed is a bubble gun. I believe it is symbolism for the wound being non-fatal, so even if Till loses and gets shot, he'll survive, fundamentally changed. and will probably join the rebellion, too.
/side note
The heartbeats in Till's version of all-in are faster and louder than HyunA's version, similar to CURE.
#trust me im qmeng#till all-in cover got me tweaking out big time do you UNDERSTAND how long i waited for this#ever since the teaser#GUHHH#IT'S BEEN IN MY MIND SINCE#i am never sleeping again fuck this#am i crazy about till alien stage no of course not#haahahah#if this sounds like a big rant i just want till to live bear with me WAIT NO COME BACK#im going so crazy about this its not even funny its so serious#this shit is so good though#the growls#and everything#urgh#till alien stage#alien stage#alien stage till#alnst#alnst till#i just really like how this song isnt all that much lika hyunA's in terms of tone#it has the same beat but when you look deeper into it. this is more dark than youd expect#to me it's not a cheerful take on All-IN it's a darker one through the perspective of someone on their final rope aggressively proving he's#not broken#this is also him grieving#everything about this scares me but i have a lot of faith in him.#(praise akugetsu I couldn't thank you enough)#alien stage round 6#alien stage round 7#alien stage analysis
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Felix's normal sprites VS when Ralph is missing
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ON THE VERGE OF TEARS
#wreck it ralph#fix it felix#felix#the pixel art in this movie is so fucking good urgh.......#screenshot#pixel art
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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No it’s fine to have six separate tabs open on edit screens for Wikipedia. This is good and normal.
#veni wiki fixit#the problem is I click through to check something on another page and discover that that page is also a giant fucking mess#so I’m like ‘urgh I’ll just fix this one thing’#but the one thing is just tugging on the loose end of a giant fucking knot and Jesus Christ okay fine#this entire page needs rewriting your only list for names of nymphs in group X is the list for nymphs in group Y good job
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i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
#im so. i am so#this was never an issue my entire life and of COURSE just when id decided to give up on science and go back to art#theres this shit#of course OF COURSE of course of course. why would anything turn out good why would it ever#i have to post artwork and eventually im gonna have to post on instagram and probably tiktok even tho they fucking suck#this is the last place left on the internet that i WANT to be on and ofc now its throwing all of us under the fucking bus#i hope the staff are happy w however much money they get from selling our data. does that make you happy. i hope your happy#x#i dmed glaze on ig to ask for an account and they havent replied yet and ik theyre probably swamped but URGH#i dont think anyones trying to copy my style but on principle Dont fucking use my shit i need to glaze everything ive ever posted#anyways.
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FOUR YEARS. ALMOST FIVE. I MADE IT ALMOST FIVE YEARS WITHOUT COVID AND NOW HERE WE ARE. THIS IS BULLSHIT IM SO MAD >:(
#a bitch apparently has fucking covid ✌️#and i dont even know where the hell i got it from#and i have to return to work on thursday URGH#AND i have to call again about tomorrow still URGH#i hate being an adult i hate being sick i hate covid#i dont even get the good covid drugs yet bc they wont have finsihed processing before my pharmacy closes#so ill have to wait until tomorrow#and just. im so.#everything sucks i haye life rn.#im fine jsut angry. i almost made a full 5 years without testing positive for covid and now here we are.#pathetic >:(((((#shh ac
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applied for a job a while ago and wrote in my spreadsheet "i am not fucking getting this job" not because of the qualifications but because my application was honestly just not that good. today the lady called me and scheduled an interview. Ok
#mine#i dont knowwwww though#urgh...#its in the city where i went to college so i know its a nice place thats familiar to me#but its also pretty hcol and the job itself is like...idk about the pay#the content of the job is good though like its basically exactly what ive been wanting to do#but then i keep coming back to my hysto...i really want that too#it sucks its like a rock and a hard place you know#i dont want to keep delaying this surgery i want my shit gone NOW#but at the same time i dont want to keep delaying my ~career~#and then i think well theres more jobs in the world...but then i think about how few ive applied to since graduating#and how long it might take me to find one after surgery#and if ill even want to or not cause this country is getting old#i want a job...but i also want my hysto...#i dont want to like get a job and then go do it and then be stuck for ages waiting for PTO and bennies to kick in and to find someone who#can take care of me when i can instead do it now like i already have a letter from my therapist and consultations upcoming#but also i need money and i dont wanna fuck up my early ~career~ days#I DONT KNOW#its a lot#i just wish id done the damn surgery sooner but i couldnt in 2023 cause i was working that summer#and this year i naively thought that i would be able to get a job relatively fast and just get hysto next year after working for a while#WHATEVERRRRRR#the interview isnt for another week and a half so ill talk to my therapist and see what she thinks#if i need to cancel the thing i can if not then i wont#ughhhh
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Ah. The piles of gripes and "what the fuck is this" moments with veilguard are growing. Oh no
#Ill write more formed thoughts on it tomorrow. for now just. hm. urgh.#Im still enjoying it. I still see good in it. Its just. urgh.#Im prying this fuck ass game open and digging the good out or so help me god#I had a text post tag but I forgot#dragon age#ah should use the#dragon age critical
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I just spent like 20 minutes thinking about soup
#i need to move out!!!!#i love my parents to be clear they're great#i just want to be in charge of my own meals again#it's not that they're bad at feeding me stuff i want to eat it's just we like different things#when it's just me i can make my soup however i want and no one's gonna say anything#Because It's My Soup#i can eat japanese chicken curry for a week straight! no one cares!#i just need to get better at eating vegetables#i want my own kitchen soooo baaad.....#my mom's sensitive to garlic. do you know how much recipes fuck if you add garlic? severely. and i can't if she's gonna eat it#i need my own kitchen so bad so so bad pleeaase#really hoping that i get my degree within like two months#and then i have to. urgh. find a job. but then i find a job and i go there#and i get Paid! money!#and once i have some money in the bank and a long term job i can try and get a flat#and once i have a flat i have my own kitchen i can order stuff online if i want and i can adopt a cat#i can have friends over i can decorate#and if i can swing it i'll be a civil servant#and if i'm lucky enough i can perhaps. give up the next 30 years of my life to a bank so i can own my own flat#god i hope. i fucking hope. i really really want to own#like not for landlord bullshit. just so i don't have to worry about where to go in a year two years five years#i want a civil servant job because that's for life and i would love to do the same thing forever#and i want to own a flat because i could make the space fit my needs and wants perfectly#and i wouldn't have to worry about where to live or old age or whatever#good luck to me finding a well situated 2 bedroom flat in one of the if not the worst city of france in terms of housing :)#but hey i've been lucky in life. maybe it'll keep going#i know what i want early! that's good#i shouldn't have a realisation that i want kids at 30yo or whatever. I Shall Not Become My Mom#ANYWAY i need my own kitchen!!!!!#wow i have a ramble tag now
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i kind of forgot how good the tangled the series/rapunzels tangled adventures soundtrack is and my GOSHHHHH
#CUT YOUR LOSSES DROP THE IOUS OHH CHOOOOOOSEEEEE ITS TIME FOR YOU TO CHOOSEEEEEE#fucking banger#jeremy jordan... oh varian loml#tangled the series#rapunzels tangled adventure#tts#rta#and rhe way its literally a kids show but its so good and just so URGHHHHDOMT GET ME STARTED#ITS SO GOOD#i need to rewatch it tbh#urgh#EVERYTHING I EVER THIUGHT I KNEW WHERE UVE BEEN WHERE IM GOING#i love when people at school say 'flynn rider isnt a prince' cuz then i can go 'ACTUALLYYYY.-#MY BOY!!!! MY BOY EUGENE!!#rapunzel#tangled#🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
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a 30 year old woman crushing on vladimir putin rbed the dick-nixon post yesterday
#txt#she thinks jfk was one of the best presidents ever.#SIGHS VERY VERY LOUDLY#idec that much (about the president thing)#i dont even know most of them#but i just. SIGH.#the bay of pigs... vietnam...#his foreign policy was so shit. and what did he leave lbj with -_-#a war that would end up claiming#around 3.8 million lives#and to be fair. okay yes he was just going off of containment etc etc#he didnt want to appear weak#but the leaders of britain & france at the time. grabs jfk and squeezes him until he pops.#WHY DIDNT HE JUST LISTEN TO THEM#UGH!!!!!!!!!!!#ugh#whatever#jfk is so overrated as a president HE REALLY WASNT THAT GOOD i really like his domestic policy BUT THE ESCALATION IN VIETNAM JUST TAINTS#EVERYTHING FOR ME#NONE OF THAT HAD TO HAPPEN#fuck truman fuck eisenhower fuck jfk. fuck all of them#urgh#us presidents
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EHEHEHEHEHHE FINISHED MY COWWOY POSSE ART AAAAAAA IT LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! aughhhh i love it so fuckign muchhhhh....... Oh man Im so happy :)))
#rambles#i want. ito draw more.#im just so happy man#oh it just looks so good#fuck im really happy#i wanna add three more doodles BUT BUT theyre smaller doodles. just crease and piercings riding their horses#and then maybe a scene of ms hero and the fairy and wilhelm trying to push a vault back into the bank#and then mmmmmmmmmmmmm i want one more doodle of good ol macbeth using his piano#but maybe another time#BUT I WANNA DRAW......... oguh the urgh to draw#ill just do a sketchier artstle for those#just to ease my mind
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I HATE YOU NATHAN DRAKE U PIECE OF SHIT
#no i love him#BUT URGH#it’s so funny to me how sometimes i can be mad at sam in the scene in chapter 20#and sometimes i’m mad at nathan#LIKE#ITS MORE THAN JUST ABT THE TREASURE AND THE GLORY FOR SAM NATE#well it is a lil#BUT ITS ABT DOING THIS WITH YOU#ABT FINISHING UR MOTHER’S WORK#ITS ABT PROVING THE WORLD WRONG ABT THESE RAGTAG BOYS#it’s so heartbreaking for nate not to understand that but also i get WHY he does what he does#you had your journeys while sam was stuck.#FOR YEARS.#god this game is so fucking good
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i am actually mentally ill atp but progress for twenty is steadily being made <3
#i go through chapter titles like no one else LOL#wrote those roughly 1k (?) words with a splitting headache#and now i go to rest#i want so badly to write this next scene bc it's so sweet#but my head is killing me#but soft alcina........#gentle mother alcina............#URGH THE URGE TO SAY FUCK THE HEADACHE AND KEEP WRITING............#i need to take a break tho#i think im pushing myself and thats not good </3
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Quick question: who the fuck has the energy and vitriol left over at the end of the day to send shitty anon asks on tunglr dot com?? Have you SEEN the state of the world rn??? Even if you’re already an asshole and don’t give a rat’s left nut about the terrifying equality issues happening at the moment, the cost of living these days is fucking insane!! Inflation is out-the-wazoo bonkers but wages haven’t budged a fucking inch. How can anyone afford to spend extra energy being a dick to internet strangers when there’s genuinely life-affecting stuff to be focusing on?? Like bro???
#cedar speaks#discourse#cedar complains#like what the fuck#I’m just#how#block and move on#get a fucking hobby and no not all hobbies have to cost money#memorize the headlight shapes of all the generations of Jeeps or something#google some star maps and learn the constellations above you#I’m so tired of fandom nastiness#if anyone wants to vibe in a good way feel free to hmu even just to say hi#I want to share art and chat about characters even if it means having different opinions or characters#*on#Urgh#I had less than 4 hours of sleep last night maybe that’s why this is so rambly but also#yeah#talk to me about gaunter or Dijkstra or Regis or Eskel or whatever honestly I’m just wanting to have fun#I’ve tried to die on a fandom hill enough times at this point that I’m done with that#I might still swoon on a fandom mound if I get my shorts twisted up enough but like#it’s about the joy#and if you’re not about the joy then why are you here
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