#Until I'm in too deep

[transparentgayprotector]

By accident of course.

It starts with a crossover that I don't notice, until I'm in too deep. I get attached to a character and or plot points I need to see the ending but the fic hasn't updated since 2012. I finish it and I'm left with a craving so I look for something similar.

I can't find it in my current fandom, I go back to the crossover boom instantly I find what I'm looking for as soon as I enter the new fandom. I get excited

I watch/read the original content.

I see deeply into these characters and the plot

I hyper fixate.

I need to know more.

I go digging, Where I discover so much about this fandom that I know nothing and everything.

Past fandom? I escaped its grasp the best I can but I'll be dragged back eventually.

I always am.

I read until I won't find any content on what I want to scratch the urge inside of me but when I do I find a crossover that I dont notice in my excitement and the process starts all over again.

Dragged into one hell after the other.

Forever

How about you?

Okay I have a follow up question from a poll I started today, which is tied into the concept of fic discoverability.

I would be fascinated to know how you normally find fics to read, and your reasoning about it, if any. Has your behaviour changed over time? What fandom are you in?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

My Cabinet of Tiger Ministers is in shambles.

[abbeyofcyn]

*phaneang curry contains peanuts

[rauferes]

For my current longfic, I've been having fun making up my own comparative biology stuff for elves. The most recent one that's tickling me (inspiration from any_open_eye's work for this one) is that human penises are, uh, significantly larger than elven ones. (Human penises are actually weirdly large in our world-- compared to other animals, and definitely other primates, we're disproportionate).

Which is going to make it hilarious when my elven main character finally gets in Emmrich's pants and finds his jusssst-above-human-average 6" cock... which is the elven equivalent of finding out your lover is packing 8". (For people used to the typical and rather generous self-reporting of size: that's the 99.9th percentile folks. Get a thousand very excited men in the same room and this dick will be the longest.) (Don't worry about my search history, don't-- don't worry about it.)

She isn't even a bigger=better person. She's going to be SO taken aback and I'm going to have so much fun writing it.

[silvermeww]

okay, when was someone going to tell me that

oh, idk, steven started at 19, burgh has a younger sister, clay actually isn't born american, skyla's whole fam thing and ELESA IS 15???? (even younger than skyla like wtf???)

(also the 'alder' at the bottom is supposed to be drayden lol)

and that's not all

say hello to:

viola being 18??? 'black whirlwind' korrina, RAMOS MEETING AZ'S FLOETTE AS A KID, genderfluid and apparently also age-fluid olympia, CLEMONT?? AND HIS WHOLE THING DOWN TO BEING 12 OF ALL AGES???

(you know what, marlon being 30 definitely makes sense with the hippie vibes)

wikstrom SAYING that he only wears that suit in pokemon battles but i've never seen his casual wear, malva being pr for flare lol, drasna selling dragon merch + great family lore if you want to know, siebold having to third-wheel lysandre and sycamore while eating (move aside malva, you're not the only elite 4 dealing with this) and 20?? YEARS OLD?? DIANTHA????????????

(way too many men in kalos are getting ladies, c'mon)

ethan being into history is such a neat detail hmmm, idk much of the frontier brains ngl, and we've finally got the region for looker and it's... hoenn??? you know what, makes sense with his chaotic vibes so i'll take it (throws away unova taped to a rock behind my back). also he's abolsutely cheating we all see that he's just relying on knowing us as protags, should've known smh

(um i think someone said that 'caitlin' should've been anabel but idk)

oh and the last one is charon, if we care about how much of a loser he really is. forget about birch and the poochyena, this guy is the lowest heh. imagine being charon (please don't).

(when the protags of johto are the same age as clemont lol) (yeah i know there are years between those events just let me have this)

and last but not least:

aaron 🤝 valerie: wanting to be pokemon (and ig gotta toss in shauntal with the ao3 writer gift heh, don't know if they would commission her or stay away), bertha's description???? i love flint just saying, cynthia 👀👀 is absolutely doing something illegal 👀👀, roark is WHAT??? (child labour laws in sinnoh must be lax ngl), maylene as well???? fantina watching scary movies is something i'll have to incorporate into my worldview and bryon?? are you okay??

so yeah. credit goes to @/KuroBlitz96 on the twitter/x for having this up, i'm just here to project sheer surprise at this massive dump of ages... my thoughts on pokemon have completely turned on its head once more lol (this is fine)

[ismyteadoneyet]

"ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ᴋɪʟʟ ʜᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ," ɪ sᴀɪᴅ. [...]

ᴀ sʟʏ sᴍɪʟᴇ sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴄʀᴏss ʜɪs ғᴀᴄᴇ; ʜᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ᴅᴇғɪᴇɴᴄᴇ. "ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴡʜʏ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪ ᴋɪʟʟ ʜɪᴍ? ʜᴇ's ᴅᴏɴᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ."

~ 'The Song of Achilles' by Madeline Miller, page 161

•

I finally got around to reading that one book everyone always posts pictures of themselves crying over while reading, and I'm here to tell you that the internet is in fact telling the truth on this one 💀 I was sobbing throughout the entire last part 😭 Beautifully written book from the very first page to the very last, but my god is it HEARTBREAKING.

I also feel like reading this book at the same time as me being obsessed with Epic: The Musical and Legendborn is such a fun and weird coincidence tho. What is the third big mythology-thing I should get into to complete the triforce of myths and legends, hm?

More fanarts from this book to come! 🩷✨️

[purefandomonium]

The Call

I'm posting this here before I put it on AO3. I honestly don't know why I felt compelled to write this, but it's grown so much from the few lines of dialogue it started as. 3,564 words!!! Summary still pending, but here's the basic version:

At 3 AM, what else is there to do other than call your bitter rival to tell him of your epiphany? It's certainly more important than sleeping.

In other words, this fic exists because of my headcanon that Ryosuke and Kyoichi are exes. I mean come on! Neither of them are normal and I could make a whole rambling post about this but I won't. Maybe later though. I'll just add some thoughts in the tags. Anyway, I hope y'all like this. I just needed to get it out of my drafts so I stop adding to it.

The unexpected shrillness of his phone startled Ryosuke from his muddled thoughts. After fumbling it and having to retrieve it from the floor, he silenced the grating sound. A courtesy that was lost on Keisuke, corpse he tended to be when sleeping. It was the thought that counted, at least.

"Hello?" He winced at the grogginess coating his voice and cleared his throat.

There was a lingering silence broken only by the soft shuffle of clothing before, "…You were right."

He hadn't bothered to check the caller ID and was surprised to hear Kyoichi Sudo of all people on the other end. He blinked several times until his eyes adjusted to being open while his brain processed the words. "I beg your pardon?"

"About your stupid charisma or whatever." Kyoichi kicked a stray pebble and watched it bounce across the lot. The team had long since left, leaving him alone in the darkness. He'd assured Seiji he wouldn't linger on the pass for too much longer, and yet that seemed to have gone out the window thanks to Ryosuke's ever-present habit of disrupting another's carefully constructed plans. He let out a short grunt of annoyance. "I hate to admit it but… you were right about that all along." The late night spent practicing had given him time to reflect. About a lot more than just his technique. The half finished can of coffee crinkled as the cheap aluminum lost its battle to his grip.

Ah, so that was what this was about. That point was well-known from the very start, but even he wasn't immune to an opportunity to be childish. These days gave him less of a chance for that, though he was quite proud of Keisuke's increased maturity. Ryosuke's mental facilities were slowly warming up as he stretched the stiffness out of his legs. "And? I see no reason why a phone call at this hour was needed for that revelation. One would think such a divisive loss would've made it more than obvious."

A short burst of static tickled Ryosuke's eardrum, the sound forceful but not quite harsh enough to be considered a scoff. It cut itself off abruptly before an unintelligible grumble broke through the reception.

Ryosuke knew better than to push his luck and call out the sad attempt at hiding a laugh. Instead, "Am I right in assuming there's something more to this unexpected chat?" Now that he'd escaped some of his fatigue, the strangeness of the situation hit him. Sudo wouldn't have called him for no reason, and admitting defeat over something that had already been said and done didn't amount to one.

Kyoichi hummed, lost in thought. "I'm still not entirely sure, to be completely honest with you."

That raised a brow. He sat up straighter as his brain worked on unraveling this bizarre mystery. "It's not like you to call me, least of all like this," he offered, hoping his tone would persuade the other man to open up. It was odd enough for Sudo to reach out to him at all these days; but out of the blue in the middle of the night? He'd never done that even when Ryosuke considered him a proper rival.

He didn't know the exact time, as his computer was currently doing what he should have been at this hour, but the darkness behind the curtains told him it was quite late. The dim glow of his desk lamp was ample lighting for him to read the clock, and there was always the option of checking the phone he kept cradled to his ear, but he refrained from acknowledging exactly how poor his sleep schedule was. He got enough flak from Fumihiro and Keisuke about it as is.

Kyoichi listened to the leaves rustle around him as he pondered what to say, the cool night breeze helping to keep him awake. He knew how uncharacteristic this was for him, and he still couldn't pinpoint what had possessed him to dial the number burned into his memory. He let out a soft snort at the thought that it might be the only thing he'd still remember if he lived long enough to become old and senile. It was both morbid and amusing.

Eventually, his thoughts gathered themselves together enough to create an answer to Ryosuke's inquiry, as well his own confusing motivation. "I thought I was over this whole complex I had about you," he began, running a hand through short hair. His bandana was tucked away in his back pocket, having little need to be worn in the empty presence of the mountain. "I lost to you once already; you would think the second time would sting a little less. And yet…"

The chair creaked as Ryosuke shifted into a more relaxed position, brows knitting together in rare befuddlement. "And yet."

"Heh. You know it's funny. I was convinced that I was the only one who could take you down. So when you told me that Eight-Six beat you before I could, I was livid. I thought maybe you had lost your edge, man."

"Well, I'm happy to report I'm still just as sharp as ever, as you're well aware." This conversation was throwing him off. Maybe it was the odd tone in Sudo's voice, or perhaps it was just the fatigue catching up to him. He willed himself to bring the computer to life and, after his eyes adjusted to the artificial glow, it revealed it to be half past three in the morning. He wasn't superstitious by any means, but he couldn't help but wonder if the mysterious witching hour wasn't the cause of his discomfort, if not the first two possibilities.

He should really go to bed.

"…It's clear to me I still have a long way to go," Kyoichi said to the silence on the other end. A hum was the only response he received, the exact meaning smothered beneath the static of the reception. He took a sip of lukewarm coffee as his mind wandered. "That Eight-Six kid…" he trailed off, grasping at his thoughts to figure out where he was going with this. Eventually, "He really is something else if he can give you a run for your money."

Ryosuke chuckled dryly at that, internally bristling at the thought of Sudo considering Fujiwara a rival. As much as he calmly told Keisuke otherwise, he wasn't any more thrilled at the possibility of someone else beating him in a race than he was. The blown engine didn't count as a loss no matter what others said. They didn't understand the difference between losing a battle due to lesser skill and being mechanically outmatched.

Which made Sudo's comment quite odd. "You don't seem to consider your battle against him a victory."

Kyoichi snorted. "Come on. We all knew that wasn't a battle. It was a lesson, and one the kid needed to learn if he has any interest in truly making a name for himself."

"It's a good thing you aren't a teacher." While he wasn't wrong, the means didn't justify the end. That well-intentioned harshness was just a part of the EVO driver, he supposed. He couldn't say he missed it.

"Touge or circuit, the racing world's tough and full of unfairness. No point in sugar coating it. Besides, I think I got through to him. I wouldn't be shocked if he came back to finish the battle before winter," he said with a smirk.

Ryosuke rested his eyes for a moment as he waited for the drawn out point of this conversation. There was a smugness to Sudo's voice that said he was satisfied with the outcome of his impromptu race with Fujiwara, but little else to suggest this was going somewhere. Perhaps there was no point at all. It was a likely possibility that Sudo was just as exhausted as he and had no idea what he was rambling about.

"Y'know, there is a point to this call," he said suddenly, startling Ryosuke awake.

"Please, enlighten me," he replied as he forced his eyes to stay open a bit longer. He massaged his temples with his free hand.

"Racing that Eight-Six and then losing to you again showed me something." Kyoichi could hear the fatigue in Ryosuke's voice and, as childish as it was, he couldn't resist pestering him by drawing things out as much as possible. Two-and-a-half cans of vending machine coffee and the adrenaline of a very late night on the pass would do that to a person.

"Kyoichi, it's nearing four in the morning. If you don't get to the point I'm hanging up and blocking you."

Ah. He hadn't heard that casual sharpness in a long time. Part of him missed the banter they used to share. That part had shrunken in recent days, however, and it would soon shrivel into nothing with Kyoichi's next words.

"When you beat me, I realized I hadn't actually gotten any better at all," he began. Coffee sloshed as he gently twirled the can. "The only thing that grew this past year was my ego." His eyes roamed over to the EVO III parked beneath the light across the lot, glossy black shimmering against the darkness of the slopes. "I spent so long focusing on how to beat you that I wasn't paying attention to how I could hone my skills. I wasn't thinking about how I could improve as a whole. I should've gotten over it ages ago and I didn't."

Ryosuke remained still and silent as he listened. There was a hint of finality in Sudo's tone that made his spine tingle. He had a hunch where this was going, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Kyoichi shifted his gaze to the inky expanse beyond, silhouetted by the whispering trees and a few stray clouds. He took another sip to combat the sudden dryness in his throat. "Losing to you on the final stretch hurt," he continued. "But it opened my eyes. Not just about my shitty right-handers, but everything I thought I ever knew. You included."

"…I see." Ryosuke released the breath he'd been holding through his nose and closed his eyes once more, though it had nothing to do with fatigue this time. Their rivalry had always been more than a little one-sided—Sudo was notoriously stubborn and loathed being wrong, so it made sense he'd become laser-focused on proving himself the better racer. Ryosuke couldn't say he disliked that about the EVO driver, however, it wasn't exactly one of his finer qualities. Hearing that Sudo was apparently done with their rivalry and willing to move on…

Well, it left a bitter taste in his mouth that he'd be the one to let things go.

"It sounds like you've had an epiphany." Ryosuke was surprised by the steadiness in his voice despite the odd turmoil roiling in the pit of his stomach.

Kyoichi grunted and took a large swig of coffee to hide his loss for words.

"I appreciate you calling me to let me know."

"Do you now?"

"Yes, actually."

"At nearly four in the morning?"

Ryosuke could hear the grin and mirrored it with a small one of his own. "Well, perhaps a more reasonable time would've been better."

"You know I'm a get-it-done kind of guy." The can was finished off before he crumpled it in his hand. After some hesitation, "Thank you, Ryosuke. For… everything, I guess." Everything was far too much to be put into mere words, but if there was anyone who could pick up on the subtle meaning, it was Ryosuke Takahashi.

"I hardly feel deserving of any thanks, but you're welcome nonetheless." The chair creaked again as he reclined a bit farther. He was beginning to wonder if this was some sort of stress-induced dream because he was struggling to recall a time when Sudo had ever been so unguarded, so open to his own emotions. Or maybe that was part of the improvement he mentioned.

Kyoichi let out a short hum at his tone, an unexpected bit of satisfaction and relief forming at Ryosuke's handling of the situation. He didn't have it in him to work out any more weird feelings, however. "That's odd. I've never known you to be humble."

It seemed Sudo's newfound growth was faltering if his sudden redirect was anything to go by. Put-off-by-his-own-emotions Sudo was what he was most experienced in handling. It worked just fine for Ryosuke; he wasn't certain what to do with the emotions bubbling up either. He'd happily take the bait if it meant moving on from this and finally being allowed rest. "Well, you used to be one of the most myopic people I've ever met, and look at you now. People change."

"That they do," he replied as he trekked towards his car, boots crunching against gravel and stray leaves. "Well, since you're getting snippy, I guess I'll let you get some sleep." Ryosuke sounded so exhausted he feared he might catch some of it through the phone. He couldn't help the stray thought that questioned if he'd even remember this conversation by morning. Both possibilities tied for worst.

"How courteous," said Ryosuke as he rubbed his tired eyes. "You should really do the same, it's not wise to stay out so late. Exhaustion catches up far quicker than any opponent." What better time to fight back a yawn?

"That's what coffee's for," Kyoichi responded as he shut the door with a thunk. He stuck the key into the ignition and almost gave his goodbyes when a thought struck him. "Hey."

"Yes, Kyoichi?" He couldn't hide the exasperation anymore; he just wanted to collapse into bed already, wrinkled clothes be damned.

"Keep an eye on that Eight-Six kid. He's gonna go far, more than you or me ever could." He fired up the EVO III.

Ryosuke could hear the pops of the exhaust even with Kyoichi being sealed away in the interior of the car. The finality felt less frightening this time and something like calmness flooded his nerves. "I intend to," he said as he stood, stretching and gaining a few satisfying pops from his joints. "I'll see you around. Maybe we'll race again someday."

"Hey, bro," Keisuke said by way of greeting as he knocked twice. He didn't wait for a response as he let himself in like usual. "If you're not busy later, I was thinking that maybe we could hit Akagi tonight so you could help me practice my-" he cut himself off at the sight before him.

"Maybe," came the responded before the line clicked dead. Ryosuke let out an almighty sigh. Bedtime would have to wait a bit longer until he went to the bathroom and took the time to unpack whatever the hell just happened.

*****

Ryosuke lay mostly face-down on the bed, his head turned just enough to keep his airway clear. Yesterday's clothes were a wrinkled mess against his slim frame. The comforter and sheets had been kicked aside and were half on the floor and half tangled up in his legs. Soft snores broke the silence as he lay oblivious to the world, curtains still drawn and desk covered in whatever notes and books he'd been studying last night.

Biting back his worry, Keisuke took silent steps towards the bed and brought a hand to his brother's forehead. He wasn't running a fever and he knew for a fact he wasn't drunk, which meant he was simply just that exhausted. He spared a glance at the desk full of medical jargon and diagrams he couldn't hope to understand. Still, he stepped closer and read over some of them, gaining a small headache just from the attempt at deciphering them. No wonder bro was dead, he'd be too if he had to spend his free time poring over this.

With a resolute sigh, he turned back to Ryosuke with his hands on his hips. Seeing as how he hadn't stirred since his arrival and due to the lack of alarms going off—and hell would sooner freeze over before Ryosuke would ever allow himself to be late for anything—Keisuke didn't see the harm in letting his older brother sleep in for once. He clearly needed it.

Despite Sudo's confident finality, there was something about their unexpected early morning chat that just didn't sit right. Ryosuke tried not to let it bother him, it was more than obvious anyway, but even with all his willpower he still found himself questioning if any of it was real. He'd been so tired, perhaps he'd completely misread Sudo's tone and hidden meaning. He ran on certainty, yet he couldn't bring himself to reach out to Sudo just to confirm. Which left him to fester in his own internal doubt and confusion.

Turning on his heel, he padded out of the room and gently shut the door after sparing a final glance to make sure he still hadn't awoken. It seemed he'd be eating breakfast alone today, which was fine. He'd save Ryosuke a plate and give him until late afternoon. If he wasn't up by then, well, then he'd be worried.

*****

When Fujiwara called him shortly after his invitation to the expeditionary team he was building, asking how he could get in touch with Sudo for a rematch, he was beyond grateful for the excuse to contact him. By the end of the call with Emperor's leader, that gratefulness had soured into frustration after he somehow avoided bringing it up at all. It felt stupid to contact him again after he'd hung up, so he didn't. He pushed his feelings on the matter aside in favor of focusing on both his studies and the sure-to-be spectacular battle between the newly revived Eight-Six and Sudo's devastating EVO III.

He wasn't disappointed. Though it was technically a tie, Sudo's honor prevented him from claiming it as any sort of win solely because Fujiwara was able to keep up with him—a veteran local—on his home course. The 4A-GE was, on its own, a marvelous display of automotive engineering. With Fujiwara in control, it became an absolute beast, the potential of it both astonishing and terrifying to behold. If only he could've been there to witness it, uncomfortable emotions aside.

Not long after gave him the perfect excuse to both observe Fujiwara's increasing mastery of his new engine and finally lay his troubled worries to rest. If Keisuke thought he was a bit too eager to head out to watch the battle, he kept it to himself. Ryosuke appreciated it beyond measure.

The drive to the Iroha slopes was devoid of issues, and they soon found themselves slicing through the hairpins at an average pace, Ryosuke being mindful of his laptop resting on the passenger seat. He knew this was stupid, but he felt too unsatisfied with how the conversation had ended. He wasn't used to such a role-reversal, least of all with Sudo, and he was exhausted at the time. He wanted closure. Something more defined than a caffeine-fueled ramble that could hardly pass as a confession.

As they rolled into the lot, they spotted Emperor's various members dotted about, no doubt just as eager for the battle as he and Keisuke. The air buzzed with talk about who would win, most of them favoring Kogashiwa given he had the home court advantage. Ryosuke rolled the window up, shutting out the noise. Finding Sudo among the crowd was easy enough, as he tended to command a decent amount of attention just by existing. That, and his number two chattering about beside him, ever present despite Sudo's apparent indifference, lured his gaze that much quicker. Time to get this over with.

His laptop felt heavy as he swiped it from the seat and began striding over, Keisuke in tow. It took all of twelve seconds and fifteen steps for Sudo to turn his attention from the pony-tailed driver to the approaching Takahashis.

"Hey, Ryosuke," he called out, turning to face them fully. He noted the brief flash of discomfort that nudged Ryosuke's features from his neutral expression. He crossed his arms and waited.

"I hope you don't mind us coming to watch," Ryosuke offered by way of greeting, meeting the other man's eyes long enough to establish the hidden meaning he was trying to convey.

Kyoichi observed Ryosuke's expression with a faint smile just below what could be considered a grin. He knew something seemed off when he'd called to tell him of the Eight-Six kid's want for a race. With a shrug, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned the look out at the gallery. "You can do whatever you want." A quick glance back confirmed that, as always, Ryosuke figured it out in an instant.

Ryosuke's eyes widened for the briefest moment before a gust of wind made its way through the lot, sending leaves flitting about as the trees shook. Among the crisp air and heavy breeze, he'd gotten the only answer he needed. "It sure is windy tonight," he commented, moving both his gaze and the secret conversation to the sky as he watched it be carried away with the leaves. He was ever thankful when Sudo began offering up observations and facts about the battle, sparing them both from uncomfortable silence and difficult emotions.

[caslyra]

Wolfstar AU - Werewolf rights activist Sirius Black meets Remus 'I don't want your help, I just want some quiet' Lupin.

[cementcornfield]

I’d love to hear your joe’marr night of natty thoughts if you ever wanted to share! 🥰

augh this is so old i'm sorry!!! but god yes i have MANY thoughts on that night.

below the cut for some rambling nonsensical (very shippy!!) thoughts about it!

so ok. it's long been my headcanon that the night of the natty would be when they first hook up, after a longgggg season of tension and hidden glances and awkward not quite flirting. like basically it would have been building for a long time whether either of them are really aware of it or not (and i doubt they'd be all that aware of it! focus on the football ya know? not on these funny feelings that i'm sure are very normal! that constant elation and adrenaline they feel around each other is just all the winning and record-breaking plays! in fact! winning and their feelings for each other are kind of completely intertwined so how can they even /start/ unpacking all that??)

so anyway! as we all know, joe gives ja'marr the game ball that night. we still don't know the EXACT circumstances (did he plan to, was it a spur of the moment thing, did ja'marr ask for it?? etc etc). we do know ja'marr joked later about not giving it back to joe lol, but i do think that WAS a joke actually. so like, obviously the whole team went out and partied/celebrated and didn't get back to the hotel until probably early in the morning, all drunk on booze and victory and each other! joe and ja'marr would have gone back to their separate rooms and ja'marr would see the game ball just sitting there where he left it on his bed before they all went out. and he can't stop thinking about the soft look on joe's face as he gave it to him. how amazing they were together that night. how it (for all he knows!) is the last time they would ever play together. and suddenly he decides that he needs to go see joe right then and there (to give the game ball back, of course, no other reason 🙂)

so he'd go knock on joe's door (who is still too pumped up on the events of the night to have fallen asleep, but he'd definitely still answer to door shirtless 🙂) and they'd just stare at each other for a moment, then joe would invite ja'marr in (because he's a gentleman) and ja'marr would try to give the ball back (because as much as he was bragging and being goofy about it before, he can't believe that joe would really be serious about ja'marr wanting to keep it. i mean. it's the GAME BALL. joe earned it, joe wanted it!)

and joe would get this serious look on his face and refuse and say that he gave it to ja'marr, that ja'marr deserves it for that game and for everything that season. everything he did for and meant to joe. (and of course what he would REALLY mean is that the ball is 10000% a symbol of his heart and his love and it all belongs to ja'marr, and it has for some time now! but obviously he can't say that because he is a Strong Stoic Football guy and probably still doesn't even realize what he means as he says it)

but i think ja'marr would understand anyway (because he has slightly higher EQ) he would get what joe meant. what everything has been building up to all season long, what joe means to him, what it's going to be like to be without him next year. and they're just looking at each other and they're drunk and vulnerable and neither one knows who makes the first move but they're suddenly making out and ja'marr drops the game ball and they don't even think about finding it until the next morning (because they are otherwise occupied 🙂)

but then the next morning! angst! because they're two dumb college kids who grew up in toxic masculine sports culture and they can NOT deal with what happened (no matter how much they 100% both enjoyed it). ja'marr would rush out of the room the next morning (NOT taking the game ball) and joe would see him trying to sneak out. they'd lock eyes for a moment and not say a word, ja'marr would leave and that would be that. but later that day, ja'marr would find the game ball back in his room. (i dont know HOW but listen joe was a god to the city of nola that day, he could probably convince the hotel staff or something. don't worry about it.) and ja'marr would see it sitting on his bed again and he'd be hungover and tired and freaking out and he would absolutely cry about it a little bit. because he's a huge cry baby and going through a lot 💔

but yeah, things would be awkward for joe and ja'marr during all the celebratory ceremonies, and then joe would graduate and go on to the draft, and ja'marr would stay in nola. and they wouldn't keep in touch at all besides a few texts in various group chats. maybe check in with each other once or twice to see how each other is dealing with like, the pandemic (hey 2020!), ja'marr might text joe congrats on being drafted number 1....and that's it!

UNTIL joe gets hurt his first season, ja'marr's sitting out his season at home in nola, and he reaches out to check on him. it's been long enough that they can both pretend they forgot about it, and they catch up a little bit. they're both lonely as joe recovers and ja'marr isn't playing, so they'd get to talking more and more. ESPECIALLY when it becomes obvious how well positioned cincy is going to be in the draft, and how high ja'marr is going to be drafted. which is when they start making plans that sound like fantasy at first but become more and more realistic, of actually playing together again! (which is how we get to joe texting ja'marr the morning of the draft telling him to have his bags packed 🥲)

of course it's awkward when they first see each other in person again. they barely think of that natty night anymore (except that they do all the time, but they're good at repressing and compartmentalizing! they're athletes!) but when they see each other in person it's hard not to remember everything that happened that night. but hey! they push past it, assume the other one isn't thinking the same things, and try to get that chemistry back (which does actually take awhile, as we all know! probably because of all the emotional baggage!) and then fast forward to their first game together in the pros (against the vikings!! with justin there!! fate fate fate!!!) and it goes so well and ja'marr gets that amazing TD that's just like all the ones they got together at LSU....and uhhh yeah. let's just say they celebrate that night too 🥲

[gayofthefae]

Queer ships are universally different and not comparable to straight ships in ship wars because without the ship/feelings/reciprocation all characters involved would still be queer because their queerness exists and is represented in them independently from specific romantic feelings and that queerness would still deeply affect their characters' relationships to themselves.

Queer ships are not the same as straight ships because queer ships are inherently indicative of something deeper in the individual that is affects their character arc to the core and straight ships are love stories.

Basically, the queer experience and the straight experience are not the same. I feel like people should know this, and I feel like people do, so I assume they just don't realize that that's what the conversation is. But I'm not fighting for the ship. I'm fighting for the characters to be queer. Your characters were already straight. You get what I'm begging for regardless. You think we'd have equal things - love stories - taken away but you're wrong.

If two people don't get together I don't have a love story to live vicariously through anymore. If two people aren't queer I'm not in the story anymore.

Hope this helps.

[freezinglemur]

Sorry Five I'm getting into a thing which means you're getting put into a situation related to said thing!

I love putting him in situations. I'm so sorry Five the horrors are probably kidnapping you again and you're going to get along with unconventional beings and not know why but roll with it anyway

@lieutenant-fred I am blaming you for getting me interested originally in this stuff I've been slowly looking into it (when I rember n have the time in between bugging the weapons lol) (playful)

[klutzytomb]

if I ever mysteriously disappear one day with my account deleted, becoming the missing mutual, rest assured that it'll probably be because I have continually lied about myself IRL and find this account to be attached to that mentality. I will one day return

[glorious-cloud-wombat]

Okay.....fine. maybe the drinking plot wasn't that bad. they mollified me with the poly moments. particularly the ending.

[mewkwota]

Who, besides me, wants to see Maxim slowly breaking down again? There's a single shot from one scene, and then a whole comic for another because that's what I decided to do for this.

You already know what happens next, I drew it a long time ago.

[ravencromwell]

The poem evokes human greatness and human vulnerability. People are “godlike” in their courage and skill, but even the greatest mortals fall and clutch the dust between their bloody fingers. The beautiful word minunthadios , “short-lived,” is used of both Achilles and Hector, and applies to all of us. We die too soon, and there is no adequate recompense for the terrible, inevitable loss of life. Yet through poetry, the words, actions, and feelings of some long-ago brief lives may be remembered even three thousand years later.

--Emily Wilson's introduction to the Iliad

[moonchild-in-blue]

I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)