#Under cook my boiled eggs? Egg salad baby

[selvepnea]

I am so good at turning food waste into something soooo good and delicious

[jocelynscrazyideas]

Kiss it better | Jack Hughes x Reader

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Warning: smut, language, surgery?

Summary: Jack demands you cook him a lunch after his surgery, but he’s supposed to be healed. As the “best” girlfriend in the world you fix up a salad and share with Jack. Jack decides he wants more to eat, but not food.

A:N- AGH first time writing for a summer blurb!! Also it’s really short bc I had lots of hw recently!! (Sorry!)

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

It’s off season. Jack and I are in Michigan, Jack has been watching Quinn play, and I’ve been tanning. I called Luke to check in and he said that it’s been stressful, playing with older guys, specially ones who’ve played in worlds before.

“Baby?” Jack hollers for me.

“Coming!” I reply, I throw my Jean shorts from American Eagle in the clean pile of clothes I’ve gathered, and run upstairs. Jack and I live in the basement, and Jack likes to spend his time upstairs on the main floor watching the TV.

Normally the guys spend time downstairs playing pool, and I watch Dance Moms on the TV next to the pool table. Jack is doing well with his recovery after his surgery.

“I’m hungry, I know. It’s a lot to ask for but could you make me some avocado toast with chicken parm salad?” Jack seems like he’s on his monthly period cravings. I mean it sounds good.

“Of course, only if you help me.” I say, and Jack throws his gaming controller to his blanket on the side. He gets up, rolls his shoulders out and cracks his neck. He stands behind me when I been down to grab the chicken.

I stand up and see him towering over me. I lean in for a kiss after setting down the ingredients. I pull back to grab a bowl from a cabinet, I pull out a fork to distract myself from the man that stares at me like I’m the only girl in the world.

“You’re so cute.” Jack says, disrupting the noise of tension between us. “I know.” I say giving him a stare. Right now we’re home alone, but I’m sure Ellen and Jim are heading back from Target.

“Mom will be home soon.” Jack says. I’m sure he’s inferring that we need to hurry up if we’re gonna do stuff.

I make it known I feel the same, but before I can say anything to stop me from going in for more kisses, Ellen walks in from the garage door.

“Hey mama bear!” I rant out, I push Jack away. I pour the lettuce into the bowl and stir in a salad dressing I made last night. I cut in boiled eggs from last night and stuff them in the salad, I microwave the chicken, just because I didn’t feel like cooking. I chop the warmed meat and lose the chicken into the bowl. Done!

“Here, your salad.” I saw shoving the bowl into Jacks reach. I toasted up some toast and slice the avocados. I grab some seasoning and seasoned the toast, I spread some avocados and took a bite of my work, delicious. I hand the rest to Jack and I walk back downstairs to to finish my laundry.

“I’m coming baby.” Jack informs me as he runs down the stairs.

“Yeah you will.” I say as I throw all of my folded clothes off into a hamper, ruining all of my work. Jacks eyes glow when he talks to me, his beard needs to be shaved.

“You look so edible.” Jack says as he pulls me into his arms. Hands in my hips, he slides his head into my neck. My perfume wraps him into my chest, he’s stuck in this love bliss.

“I cant get enough of you. You look so yummy.” Jack whispers into my ear. He licks under my ear, and I feel his hot breath on my cheeks.

gross.

“That’s icky.” I say. I love to make him mad.

“Shut the fuck up.” Jack says as he lets go of me. He sits on our bed and watches me fold the laundry that I threw.

“I cant believe you did that. Y/n I need you, I haven’t felt actually love in forever.” Jack implying on my “turn off” of words.

“Sorry.” I holler back, knowing I don’t fully mean it. His medium toned hair sits right under his ears, he plays with his wristbands as I walk over to him.

“Can you sit back please?” I request. He does as I say, not making me having to push him back, which would have been easier.

I hop onto jacks legs as I straddle him. “You feel so warm. I’m freezing.” I wiggle out of my mouth as I start to rock my hips. I grab into jacks shoulder and start to whisper in his ears.

“Take everything off.” I imply.

“We could take it to the hot tub.” I suggested. “No, wr can start here and end on the boat.” Jack responded within seconds.

“Sure.”

I feed into jacks neck and leave a mark. He’s bruised from my bites. Jack groans intensely as I start to make my way to his cargo shorts. I unzip everything and pull it off.

“You’re already so big.” I let out a sigh and take his boxers off. “Only for you.” Jack caressed my check and pulled my hair behind my ears.

I start jerking him and his head leans all the way back. Jack lifts his hips up when he feels he’s going to cum.

“Are you ready?” He asked me. His eyes glimmering up ast me. I pull down my leggings. I keep my shirt on and I lay on our bed. Jack spreads my legs as he goes down.

“You look wet already.” Jack insisting to start our activity. He pushes two fingers into my hole and he starts to pump. I feel erratic, my moaning screams out.

“Quiet down.” Jack deadly stared at me, and he pushed his tounge down my throat, I moan as he massaged my tounge into his. I feel our saliva mixing. I pushed his fingers farther in and I feel I’m going to cum. He lets go of my mouth.

He takes his fingers out as i jerk up from my release. Jack shoved one finger into his mouth licked it clean, and the other into mine. I suck kn it until he leans into me, I feel his hard cock pressed up against me.

He gets up as we try to finish what we started until we heard, “Jack! Help me clean up the yard! Your shoulder should be fine now!”

Jim and Ellen are having people over and apparently Jack needs to help him fix up the yard.

“We’ll finish later. I promise.” Jack smiled at me as he zips his cargo shorts on and pulled on his shirt. He leaves the room, and up the stairs as I hear him wash his hands upstairs.

I’m left alone in our room and I’m forced to do my laundry.

[nancypullen]

Hump Day

The mister gets up before me.  He wakes in the dark and goes downstairs where he eats breakfast and watches YouTube videos on building fences and processing photographs.  He has taken it upon himself to unload the dishwasher every morning, which makes me very happy.  Once less chore for me.   While he’s doing that I lie in bed and turn on my heating pad.  I shove it under my lower back and then play Wordle and a few other games on my phone while I do my sciatica stretches. It works. That’s usually when he comes in and without fail greets me with, “Good morning, Honeylicious!” or “Good morning, my beautiful bride!”  This, combined with the empty dishwasher, makes him my favorite person on Earth.  Mostly because I’m propped up on my pillow with bed hair, doing my old lady PT, and there’s usually a cat draped across my chest.  I’m 100% sure that I look like I should be locked up in Cloverbottom. Pretty sure this is what he sees.

After he wishes me a good morning he puts on his shoes and goes for his daily walk. He spends an hour walking all over Denton.  I get up and start my day. 

 This morning I got up, made the bed, scooped the cat litter, folded the laundry that I left in the dryer yesterday and then started a new load.  I squirted cleaner in both upstairs toilets and gave them a swirl just for kicks.  I washed my face and patted on some hyaluronic acid, then braided my crazy hair off my face. I pulled on some yoga pants and a sweatshirt and headed downstairs.  I preheated the oven to 325 and grabbed six eggs.  This is how I cook eggs for Mickey.

  He likes to have a hard boiled egg every morning with some fruit and maybe a slice of toast. Save yourself a ton of trouble and preheat your oven to 325 and pop some eggs in for 30 minutes. Once they’re cooked, plunge them into a bowl of ice water for about 10 minutes so they’ll be easy to peel.  Perfect hardboiled eggs every time.  Great way to make egg salad too. While the eggs cooked I swept the floors, put his bowl and knife from breakfast into the dishwasher, wiped out the microwave, spotted some dusty baseboards and wiped those too, took ground turkey out of the freezer for tonight’s taco bowls, and chopped up some celery and put it in an airtight container for my snacks later.  The timer dinged for the eggs so I scooped a bowl of ice and ran some water into it and plopped the eggs right in.  Setting another timer for 10 minutes gave me time to go out the back door and fill the bird bath so the song birds will hang around.  I checked on my baby Zinnias, Morning Glories, and sunflowers while I was out there and the results delighted me. We’ll have flowers! Back inside I took the eggs out of their ice bath and put them into a bowl in the frig. At this point I made myself a little snack and turned on Court TV because I like a side of murder with my meals. While eating I started jotting down my meal planning and grocery list for the coming week.  This is when the mister returned from his walk and asked something like, “What are you going to do today?”   I’d already completed 6 or 7 chores and put nearly 3,000 steps on my FitBit.  This is how men get killed.  The invisible work that maintains a household is a thankless job.  In his defense, he really just wanted to know what I had going on because he’s in demand in Denton as a photographer and is always running off to snap an event or a special spot.  Yesterday he had a meeting with the Parks and Rec people to lay the groundwork for teaching a photography class. But, that was not today’s reason for asking. He was itching to get started on the fence. The weather this week has been kind of gross.  We thought we’d get the fence up on Monday - rain.  It was supposed to clear up on Tuesday - drizzle. Surely Wednesday would offer sunshine - damp and chilly.  It only rained briefly this morning and it was more misting than raining.  When the mister came back from his walk he remarked that the wind and lack of sun made for cold hands.  Cold hands are not good for fence building, so we waited again.  But around 4:30 he declared that it had warmed up (it hadn’t) and the sun was out (it wasn’t) and we should get started on the fence.  Because I already feel guilty that I nagged him into building this fence in the first place, I agreed.  Geez. In the short time before I had to get dinner started we put up two sections.  I say “we”, but he was the one sinking posts, pounding stuff, measuring stuff, checking the level, etc.  I did a lot of holding things while he pounded them and sorting pickets by size.  I was also very handy every time he lost something...”It’s right there”...”It’s in your pocket”...”You’re standing on it”, and so on. Tomorrow’s weather should be better, and hopefully we’ll knock out the other seven sections.  Cross your fingers. As I made dinner tonight I found myself peeking at the partial fence and admiring how tidy it will make everything look back there.

Once it’s complete I can do a little landscaping in front of it, position the bird bath and the feeders, and it’ll be sweet. Tomorrow will be long, but worth it.  That’s the end of this boring post and I’m heading upstairs for a long soak. I may take a piece of chocolate with me. I’ll send a wish into the universe for a sunny day tomorrow and fewer tree roots to work around.  I’m also sending out gratitude for a husband that can do math.  I would have screwed this up already.

Until tomorrow - stay safe, stay well. XOXO,

Nancy

[taevisionceo]

A GIFT 🙏 … ECHOES OF YOU ... AWAKENING IN MY WINTER-LUNCH… YOU'RE MY AWAKENING

It's my lunchtime 🤪🤪😋😋😋 A GIFT 🙏 … ECHOES OF YOU 👍💫💃🏻🕺 "AWAKENING IN MY WINTER-LUNCH… YOU'RE MY AWAKENING"

ESCARGOTS 🐌 WITH PANCETTA 🥓 IN SAUCE Rinse the snails under cold water to make sure they are perfectly clean. Once the escargots are cleaned, drained and rinsed… prepare Aberdeen beef broth… boil escargots ~20 min. Ingredients for the sauce… sweet paprika… peel and chop onion, 2 cloves of garlic cutted in half, 2 slices of bread, cured pancetta 🥓 Heat Irish butter and olive oil in a saucepan… add the garlic and allow it to gradually brown… set aside… next, turn up the heat a little and fry the bread slices in the same oil until they are golden on both sides… remove the bread… now add the chopped onion, top up with 1 more tablespoon of olive oil if necessary and let it cook over medium heat until it is well poached… add crumbled cayenne pepper… once onion is poached, add crushed tomatoes and let it cook over medium-low heat until it has reduced… add TABASCO Chipotle to taste… remove saucepan from the heat. In a mortar, crush the garlic with the slices of bread, add sweet paprika and mix well with a little of Aberdeen beef broth. Mix well the tomato sauce with onion and the mash of garlic and bread… add the escargots… cover the snails with Aberdeen beef broth, add 1 bay leaf and adjust the seasoning to taste with salt and ground black pepper… return the saucepan to the heat and when it starts to boil, we lower the heat and cook uncovered for ~20 min (until sauce has thickened) so that they absorb the flavour of the sauce… once the heat is off, add the cured pancetta 🥓

IRISH POTATO OMELETTE Eggs, potato 🥔 (cooked and mashed), Irish butter, olive oil, chopped fresh chives, baby garlic, onion, salt, pepper, Cheddar cheese… HELLMANN’S mayonnaise…

CURLY ENDIVE, RED LETTUCE, RADICCHIO, MIZUNA, TOMATO 🍅 SALAD Season to taste

ORDATE Rioja 🍷

[michaelkeenan]

Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat in under 1500 words

Here's my under-1500-word summary of Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, a book about the skill of cooking by Samin Nosrat.

There are four basic factors that determine how good your food will taste: salt, which enhances flavor; fat, which amplifies flavor and makes appealing textures possible; acid, which brightens and balances; and heat, which ultimately determines the texture of food.

Salt

Salt amplifies other flavors, except bitterness; it reduces bitterness.

Fine salts can be up to twice as dense as course salts, so measure salt by weight, rather than by volume. Better yet, measure by taste.

It's usually best for food to be salted from within, rather than sprinkled with salt at the end.

In many cases, salt is best added before cooking so it has time to diffuse through the food. For meat (but not fish), salt hours (or days) before cooking. For vegetables (but not mushrooms), salt 15 minutes before cooking.

Taste often while cooking, and add more salt if needed.

Fat

Fat plays three distinct roles in cooking: as a main ingredient (e.g. butter in a pastry or olive oil in pesto), as a cooking medium (butter to sauté vegetables), and as a seasoning (e.g. sour cream in soup, mayonnaise in a sandwich). Knowing which role fat will play will guide you to choose which fat to use for your purpose.

Fat carries flavor. It coats the tongue, allowing aromatic compounds to stay in contact with taste buds for longer periods of time. Take advantage of this by adding aromatics (e.g. garlic) directly into the cooking fat. When baking, add vanilla extract and other flavorings directly into the butter or egg yolks for the same result.

Fat also enhances flavor another way. Cooking fats can withstand temperatures well above the boiling point of water (212°), so they can do what water can't: facilitate browning (which begins around 230°). Browning can introduce entirely new flavors.

An important factor, when choosing a fat, is to match it with the culture of the food you're creating, otherwise it won't taste right. e.g. don't use olive oil in Vietnamese food, or smoky bacon fat in Indian food.

Which fats we use primarily affect flavor, but how we use them determines texture. Depending on how we use fats, we can achieve one of five textures: Crisp (e.g. fried food), Creamy (e.g. chocolate, ice cream), Flaky (pastries), Tender (shortbread), and Light (whipped cream).

Foods that are too dry, or need just a bump of richness, can be corrected with a little olive oil (or other oil), or another creamy ingredient such as sour cream, crème, fraîche, egg yolk, or goat cheese. Use vinaigrette, mayonnaise, a spreadable cheese, or creamy avocado to balance out dryness in a sandwich or atop thick, crusty bread.

Acid

Like salt, acid heightens other flavors. But while the salt threshold is absolute, acid balance is relative. If you add too much salt to a broth, it's unsalvageable, except through dilution. But if you add too much acid to something, you can add sugar, salt, fat, bitterness or starch to change it from unpalatably sour to pleasant. (For example, if you make lemonade from lemon juice, water, and sugar, try tasting it before and after you add sugar, and what was unpleasantly sour becomes good.)

Let geographic tradition guide your choice of acid to use: wine vinegars in Italian, French, Germany, and Spanish cuisine; rice vinegars in Asian cuisine; apple cider vinegar for British and southern American food; lemon and tomatoes in Mediterranean food, lime in tropical climates like Mexico, Cuba, India, Vietnam, and Thailand; dairy can fit in most cuisines.

Acid dulls vibrant greens, so wait until the last possible moment to dress salads or squeeze lemon on cooked green vegetables.

Acid keeps reds and purples vivid, so add acid before cooking purple cabbage, red chard stems, and beets.

Raw fruits and vegetables vulnerable to oxidation, like apples, avocados, and bananas, will retain their natural color if coated with acid or kept in water mixed with a few drops of lemon juice.

Acid keeps vegetables and legumes tougher, longer. Anything containing cellulose or pectin will cook much more slowly in the presence of acid. Fifteen minutes of simmering in water can soften carrots to baby food, but they'll still be somewhat firm after an hour stewing in red wine. If you've ever cooked something with onions and been perplexed at the onions not cooking, it could be that an acidic ingredient - perhaps tomatoes, wine, or vinegar - is interfering.

As in general with cooking, the best way to optimize acidity is to taste during cooking and adjust.

Heat

To determine whether the heat level is correct, the best cooks look at the *food*, not the the heat source. They listen for the changing sounds of a sizzling sausage, watch the way a simmer becomes a boil, and taste a noodle to determine whether it's al dente. Is the food browning, firming, shrinking, crisping, burning, falling apart, swelling, or cooking unevenly?

Food is primarily made up of: water, fat, carbohydrates, and protein.

Water can be a medium in which we cook other foods. At low temperatures, water is particularly gentle. Simmering, braising and poaching provide foods with the sustained low heat they need to develop tenderness. Heat water to 212° at sea level and it boils, giving us one of the quickest and most efficient ways to cook food.

Beyond 212°, water transforms to steam, a valuable visual cue: as long as food is wet and giving off steam, its surface temperature probably isn't hot enough to allow browning to begin. Caramelization and the Maillard reaction don't begin until food reaches higher temperatures.

Make decisions in relationship to steam. Encourage steam to escape if you want temperatures to rise and food to brown. Contain steam with a lid to allow food to cook in a moist environment if you want to prevent or delay browning.

Food piled in a pan can affect steam levels by acting like a makeshift lid; both entrap steam. Trapped steam condenses and drips back down, keeping food moist and maintaining a temperature around 212°.

Control steam in the oven when roasting or toasting food similarly. Spread out zucchini and peppers so steam escapes and browning begins sooner. Protect denser vegetables that take longer to cook, like artichokes, from browning too much before they can cook through by packing them tightly to entrap steam.

At high temperatures, sugar melts. At very high temperatures (340°), sugar darkens and caramelizes, producing hundreds of new compounds with abundant new flavors: acidic, bitter, fruity, caramel, nutty, sherry, and butterscotch.

Cooking fruits, vegetables, dairy, and some grains releases their sugars. As heat penetrates a boiling carrot, for example, its starches break down into simple sugars, and the cell walls enclosing the sugars disintegrate, making a cooked carrot taste sweeter than a raw one.

Heat proteins in the presence of carbohydrates, and the Maillard reaction occurs, heat's most significant contribution to flavor, with notes like floral, onion, meaty, vegetal, chocolatey, starchy, and earthy. It's often accompanied by dehydration and crispness, so the texture is also often improved.

Browning begins around 230°. The temperatures required to achieve this tasty browning will dry out proteins, so beware. Use intense heat to brown the surface of meats and quickly cook tender cuts through. After browning a tougher cut such as brisket, on the other hand, use gentle heat to keep its interior from drying out. Or cook it through with gentle heat first, and brown the surface at the end.

Brown with care; it's easy to burn.

Cooking sometimes continues after removing the food from the heat source, as the residual heat continues cooking. Proteins in particular are susceptible to carryover.

The primary decision is whether to cook slowly over gentle heat, or quickly over intense heat. For some foods, the goal is *creating* tenderness; for others, it's *preserving* tenderness. In general, foods that are already tender (some meats, eggs, delicate vegetables) should be cooked as little as possible to maintain their tenderness. Foods that start out tough or dry and need to be hydrated or transformed to become tender (grains and starches, tough meats, dense vegetables) will benefit from longer, more gentle cooking. Browning, whether for tender or tough foods, will often involve intense heat, so you'll combine cooking methods. For example, brown and then simmer meats in a stew, or simmer and then brown potatoes for hash to ensure browning *and* tenderness in both cases.

Gentle cooking methods (for creating or preserving tenderness)

Simmering, Coddling, and Poaching

Steaming

Stewing and Braising

Confit (poaching in fat)

Sweating

Bain-marie

Low-heat Baking and Dehydrating

Slow-roasting, Grilling, and Smoking

Intense cooking Methods (often for browning)

Blanching, Boiling, and Reducing (an exception to this list - these, of course, don't brown foods)

Sautéing, Pan-frying, and Shallow and Deep-frying

Searing

Grilling and Broiling

High-heat Baking

Toasting

Roasting

[fujoshiribbon]

as promised im gonna proceed to infodump about my favourite book series as a middle school child, targeted toward middle school children, and extremely fucked up in hindsight.

it’s genuinely really good and i still read it sometimes

best summed up as “this teenager is annoying and people really want to murder him about it”

so there’s this asshole 15-year-old boy in vancouver and he’s a cooking prodigy and also a detective. he runs a restaurant out of a shitty shack with his cousin and sous chef - technically the one who owns the property bc he’s a legal adult. 

protag is also constantly falling in debt because he runs a restaurant in fucking VANCOUVER, so he does illegal and potentially dangerous cooking duels and everyone gets on his ass about it

oh yeah he’s also a baby detective he has an extremely refined sense of smell that helps him catch criminals and is also a hella crucial aspect to his success as a chef

people try to kill him on a regular basis bc of course they do

the descriptions of food in this book are absolutely gorgeous and Will make you hungry

the first book has a woman frame the protagonist for serial murder because when he was twelve years old he said her salad fucking sucked and she lost a michelin star over it

cousin respects women and has chekhov’s plot-important knowledge by virtue of having dated a lot of girls with wildly varying niche skill sets and learned things from them. ranging from toxicology to shakespearean literature to arctic survival

at one point he’s assumed to be dead and all his past flings attend his funeral

protag is led to believe their family is under an ancestral curse but in reality it’s one lady and her ancestors sabotaging their shit out of him and his ancestors and then just killing them

protag’s mentor’s tragic backstory was that his old rival was murdered by being submerged in boiling hot oil and succumbing to third degree burns. also this is described in GRAPHIC DETAIL

a man fuses himself with a cooking robot he programmed himself. driven suicidal after a loss, the AI takes control of his body and drives his car into a lake, killing them both. when law enforcement fishes up his body it’s described as being in utterly horrific, mangled shape

a group of shitty billionaires who are also borderline-suicidal risk takers pay exorbitant amounts to watch a poor teenager in debt struggle against potentially lethal challenges for entertainment (retrieving eggs from venomous snakes, cooking death cap mushrooms, etc)

the losing chef who protag is competing against attempts suicide in a fit of desperation by letting a black mamba bite him so he can go out on his own terms and his master won’t have sharks rip him apart alive and wow there’s a lot of suicide in these books come to think of it????

the robot’s name is Deep Blue Cheese

[tastesoftamriel]

I was asked about what dishes you should never offer to Daedric Princes by a follower who's probably a little too curious for their own good. Here's an interesting question I certainly have not thought of, because I generally try not to invoke the wrath of Daedric Princes! However, if you really want to potentially bring the punishment of Oblivion down upon yourself, please feel free to try the following...

Mehrunes Dagon

Instead of fiery destruction, I propose something...cute. A classic chilled custard tart topped with warm berry compote and some Hammerfell-style rose-and-vanilla pashmak is bound to melt hearts, just not in the way one of his Dremora would.

Peryite

I love making healthy foods just as much as indulgent dishes, and as the popular adage goes, an apple a day keeps Peryite away! A classic rucola and feta salad with a balsamic and Cyrodiilic olive oil can be made even better with an extra handful of spinach, a sprinkle of fresh pomegranate, halved walnuts, avocado and cucumber slices, and a few diced apple pieces! Simply delectable, and sure to keep scurvy and pestilence at bay.

Molag Bal

What should you not offer the Daedric Prince of domination and creator of vampires? Probably a soft, delicate vegetarian dish. A Breton vegetable quiche with an all-butter crust, goose eggs, sun-dried tomatoes, delicate baby spinach, fresh chanterelle mushrooms, squash, lots of garlic, and a spot of chevre. Mouth-wateringly good, this little beauty makes for an excellent meal at any time of day, and is bound to make Molag Bal sneer.

Namira

I'm going to be a little cheeky here and turn something gross and creepy into something delicious that even the fussiest nobles I've served love: garlic butter snails. Namira's followers are known to chow down on live, raw snails, shells and all, but I prefer mine with a garlicky gratin and a sprinkle of cave-aged West Weald parmesan. Oh, and don't forget to eat them with a fancy silver snail fork like a proper diva!

Boethiah

Plots? Destruction? Snakes? Not with this dish! What you see is what you get with a traditional Nord bread-and-butter pudding! It's a great way to use up your leftover bread scraps and stale butter, and is one of Tamriel's most satisfying desserts in my humble opinion. Served with hot custard and dried snowberries, this pudding is the perfect, least deceptive dish I can imagine.

Hircine

You were spot on with a salad, but let me raise the bar a little. Not just any salad will do, but you'll want all your ingredients to be gently cultivated by hand and farmed, as opposed to wild foraged. Iceberg lettuce and pink pear salad with some crumbled goat cheese and honey hits the spot, but how about topped with some marbled fatty beef? The historic Gweden Farm near Anvil has won countless awards for its pampered cows who are given a daily massage and the best fresh grass and Cyrodiilic grain. Domesticated, happy, and wonderful...unless you're a hunter, that is.

Hermaeus Mora

You'd have to be downright stupid to try a traditional Argonian worm bowl unless you're Saxhleel, and even then, most of them don't want to touch this nasty, wriggling dish. Fresh, live mealworms and kotu gava eggs are drowned in a fermented blood worm sauce, with shredded catapult cabbage and flame-grilled, toxic haj mota flesh. I once commented that it looked a little like Hermaeus Mora himself, before taking a tentative nibble and spending the rest of the day throwing up in the swamp. Please don't try this. It's the dumbest dish in Tamriel, and a pox on whichever Argonian invented it.

Sheogorath

No cheese or strawberry torte here! In fact, the least madness-inducing food I can think of is a nice, mild pistachio ice cream profiterole, dipped in sweet milk chocolate and topped with fresh nuts is the perfect Breton summer treat, yet far too boring for the Prince of Madness to bother with. Which leads us to...

Sanguine

I really dislike coming up with bland, mundane dishes for the occasional fussy eater I come across during my travels. Sanguine, Prince of hedonistic pleasures, probably lurks over my shoulder at the average feast I throw, so I admit I was a bit stumped here...until I remembered my Granny Matilda's chicken noodle soup. As basic as soups come, this simple broth is made by boiling leftover chicken carcasses for a night and a day, and served with plain egg noodles. The perfect food for when you're feeling under the weather, or have the palate of a small Nord child.

Malacath

Altmer cuisine seems like a good way to get Malacath really mad, because it's basically the antithesis of what he stands for. Delicate Quicksilver Lingwe cerviche with a yuzu drizzle and Crystal Hannia caviar, with a light avocado mousse flavoured with apple blossom? A sensory delight, and bound to make any Malacath-respecting Orc gag.

Jyggalag

Fried, hand-pulled buckwheat noodles with a spicy Pellitine-style curry sauce is a good way to make this Prince quite cross with you. Not only is it messy to eat, but your furniture will likely suffer bright orange and yellow stains from the turmeric and tomatoes, and your bowels will also be as tangled as the noodles after consuming a fiery Khajiiti curry.

Vaermina

So mundane and boring, you're definitely not bound to have any dreams or nightmares about a bowl of saltrice porridge with comberry preserves and scrib jerky. The staple food of the common Dunmer, it's tasty enough to eat on a daily basis, but hardly the stuff dreams are made of.

Mephala

This spidery Prince enjoys interfering with us mortals, so it's time to fight back with a dish that'll probably make most other Daedric Princes frown too. Imperial food is famous for its balanced flavours, textures, and fresh ingredients, and a Gold Coat seafood stew is a vibrant dish bursting with the best fresh fish, mussels, lobster, and crabmeat the region has to offer. Mild but but with a tangy punch from the sun-dried tomato based soup and a dash of crisp white wine, this is a dish that both young and old enjoy across Cyrodiil.

Meridia

Charred jerk wild boar stuffed with timber mammoth cheese and a delicious bloody jus-and-honey sauce is sure to make any Bosmer's mouth water! It's definitely dead, it's definitely cooked, and it's definitely bound to disappoint Meridia. Just a warning- try this for a laugh and you'll never be able to get rid of her beacon.

Azura

By Azura, please don't offer this to the Lady of Dawn and Dusk unless you want to irreparably have your race changed! Love and devotion is what this Prince craves, so why not damage yourself with a fiery Dunmeri Vvardenfell fondue, made from scuttle, crab meat, and extremely spicy fire petal blossoms? Enjoyed by the most pain-seeking of Dunmer, my version comes with fried hackle-lo leaf and saltrice-and-wickwheat bread for dipping. It'll have your guts in a twist for days, which is the price to pay for this deliciously hot "cheese" dish. Oh, and did I mention that it's best washed down with a nice cup of Vivec's Gingergreen Chai?

Nocturnal

There's absolutely nothing dark about a Redguard sun-jelly, made with fresh fruits from coastal Hammerfell. Coconut, palm fruit, watermelon, and bananas are the stars of the show in this dessert, set in a chilled agar jelly that keeps the heat at bay. The fanciest Redguards love mixing edible gold flakes into the jelly itself, giving it a delightful luster that is sure to put a smile on your face and chase the shadows away.

Clavicus Vile

You're not going to want to strike any bargain to give up a delicious baked chub loon gratin with echatere cheese, over hasselback potatoes and crispy radish chips. This Orcish delicacy is surprisingly so good it's even tickled the fancy of the fussiest eaters in Tamriel! The chub loon meat is juicy and melts in the mouth, and the echatere cheese melted into the cracks of a hasselback potato are wonderful with radish chips for dipping. Admit it, you're drooling aren't you?

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello! Your works are amazing and you're amazing, and I hope your doing well! Is it alright to request headcanons of MC/Yuu (gender-neutral) making some yummy boxed lunches for the 1st-years? They all soft bois and need more food 😭, thank you!

Hello!

Thank you for enjoying my words, and I hope you are doing well too. I am happy to provide food (content) to feed the TW fandom~

I will take any excuse to write about food, it’s one of my favorite things to talk about--so thank you very much for this request!

***Warning: mild spoilers for chapter 3 of the main story campaign.***

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Mise en place~

You made sure to do your research into each of your friends’ likes and dislikes before designing a menu!

You manage to haggle down the prices for some ingredients, but for other ingredients, well...let’s just say you had to pay an arm and a leg.

Other ingredients you had to forage to save on costs! Jade and Rook show you around the forest and mountains, pointing out which plants are edible and which are poisonous.

Rook offers to shoot a moose or something for you to serve, but you politely refuse. Jade, of course, suggests adding mushrooms to your dishes.

You ask Jamil, Trey, and Azul for some cooking/baking tips for the more complicated dishes. They are happy to help--excluding, perhaps, Azul, who grumbled under his breath about your suggestion to serve octopus.

Headmaster Crowely allows you to use the mess hall’s kitchen to do your cooking--isn’t he so very, very kind? All that he asks for in return is to sample some of your dishes...

You slam the kitchen door in his face and lock him out. Then you roll up your sleeves and get to work cooking.

Bon appétit!

For Ace, fried chicken and wild rice (with mushrooms), plus some boiled octopus wieners on the side--just to be a little mean to him.

You also included a small garden salad in Ace’s lunch, but he doesn’t bother touching it until after he has chewed up the octopus wieners while cursing out Azul.

Ace savors the messy slice of cherry pie you managed to stuff into a side compartment in the lunch box for him. He demands for the rest of the pie to polish off later.

For Deuce, omurice with a cucumber and carrot salad (you used cookie cutters to turn the vegetables into cute heart and star shapes!).

You also threw in a few additional chopped up egg omelettes, flavored with mirin and soy sauce. After all, you know just how much Deuce loves his egg dishes! For dessert, you cut some apple slices up to resemble small rabbits.

Deuce is so touched by your efforts and how cute everything looks that he almost can’t bring himself to eat it. He does manage to eventually though, with happy tears in his eyes.

For Jack, blocks of juicy venison coated in a rich demiglaze, served with steamed rice and broccoli. The real star of the show is the meat! Everything else is an accompaniment.

After the meal, there is a brioche roll with homemade pear jam. It has a chunky texture since you chopped up the fruit into varying sizes rather than uniform pieces, but it pairs with the crunch of the brioche well.

Jack humbly thanks you for the meal, says that he hopes it was not too much trouble, and wolfs it down--but he takes his time with the dessert.

For Epel, sandwiches featuring thick cuts of barbecued meat. The meat has been sitting in your special marinade for several hours to allow the flavors to be absorbed and developed.

Along with the sandwiches, you included boiled eggs and a berry medley. According to your research, these foods are rich in protein--so hopefully it helps Epel out!

Macarons are Epel’s favorite food, but it was difficult for you to make such a finicky dessert. The shells kept cracking or deflating...! You picked the best looking macarons to serve, but they still look lopsided and weird. Epel doesn’t mind though--he happily gobbles them up, reminding you that he thinks the taste and nutrition of food is more important than its appearance.

For Sebek, onigiri with a salmon filling! He needs a meal that is easy to eat with his hands so that it does not interfere with his duties...plus, you can’t serve his real favorite dish, salmon carapuccio (in case it spoils).

You added cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, and celery sticks as well--those are relatively easy, non-messy finger foods. Dried fruits for dessert--again, they are easy to eat without much fuss and they suit Sebek’s busy lifestyle.

He bows his head to you and thanks you for the meal. Sebek does not consume the food right away--he snacks on it throughout the day--but he is still eternally grateful to you.

[okaywitheverything]

Cooking Diaries with Kiba: Kiba x Reader

A/N: i know its been long but I am waiting for requests tbh. So don't shy away babies. Also we hit 250+ on check ups and 50+ on world's worst best men so yayyyy! Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol and go enjoy!

Based on this tumblr prompt:

Today had been a long day, and you were to curl into bed and go to sleep at this moment right now. It had been one of those tiring days where you would skip dinner for a moment of shut eye.

With Kakashi as the new Hokage, much work had to be done to get the necessities in order. You and Shikamaru almost spent 14 hours a day at the office to help Kakashi. But you knew that within a week or two things would normalize and set into order.

When you got home it was 10 PM, and even though you had only had a salad for breakfast with 12 granola bars distributed at odd intervals during your day, you were in no mood to eat. Honestly, that sounded like too much effort right now.

But then why did your feet take you to the kitchen? It was probably the copper smell in the air that got you worried. It could also be Akamaru barking with disapproving tones. Yes, you might have learned a thing or two about Akamaru in the past year.

With barely awake eyes and a really dazed mind, you entered the kitchen to find your boyfriend’s back to you, him facing the stove and your adorable little puppy barking continuously beside him. However, as soon as you entered Akamaru turned towards you, now wagging his tail and striding towards you. You smiled down at him, not actually having the energy today to pick him up and play with him like you usually did, hoping he’d understand. He was a smart pup after all.

With barely awake eyes and a really dazed mind, you entered the kitchen to find your boyfriend’s back to you, him facing the stove and your adorable little puppy barking continuously beside him. However, as soon as you entered Akamaru turned towards you, now wagging his tail and striding towards you. You smiled down at him, not actually having the energy today to pick him up and play with him like you usually did, hoping he’d understand. He was a smart pup after all.

You would have greeted Kiba like you usually did but before you could utter a single syllable, Akamaru jumped at you. You let out a short squeal which most definitely caught Kiba’s attention as he turned around looking surprised.

Akamaru however didn’t mean to play as you expected but instead his teeth nibbled on the wrist of your long sleeved top, and then he slightly dragged you to your loving boyfriend.

The thought that Akamaru was playing matchmaker to your already established relationship crossed your mind but that train of thought immediately went out the window when you saw Kiba’s palm sliced in half, the wound almost a centimetre deep.

Your lidded eyes opened and widened as you grabbed his hand and carefully looked at the gash, the amount of blood surprising you. He had, of course, survived worse injuries than this but why in the world was he bleeding so badly, when he was in Konoha instead of the battlefield, having spent the entire day at home with only laundry on his chore list. Also, you were protective of him because it didn’t hurt to care about your boyfriend a little.

“What the fuck, Kiba?’ you exclaimed and grabbed his hand, being as gentle as your anger allowed you to be, taking him the bathroom and nudging him to sit on the marble counter top. You grabbed the first aid kit from the shelves and started working on his hand. Halfway through, when all that was left was to bandage his hand, you had finally gathered your thoughts, pushing your sleep aside, which was easy considering Kiba gave you a rush of adrenaline as soon as you entered home, and looked at him worriedly.

“what happened Kiba? You know how worried I was?” Your disappointed mom look tugged at his heartstrings as smiled sheepishly with his uninjured hand rubbing the back of his head.

“I’m sorry darling, I was just hoping to cook something nice for you, you’ve been working yourself to the limit lately and don’t think I haven’t noticed you skipping meals.” His apologizing tone turned accusatory midway and you gulped.

“You could have ordered takeout baby. I really appreciate the gesture, I really do but don’t you know that the cooking stunts are to be performed in supervision only?” You slightly joked and giggled as he broke out into a toothy grin as well.

You finished bandaging his hand focused on knotting it/taping it at the end as his palm rested in two hands as you inspected it for the last time. Hopefully he didn’t need stitches so that was good.

Out of nowhere his other hand wrapped around your waist and pulled you towards him, your face crashing in his toned chest as you let out a yelp. When you pulled yourself back and looked up at him, his eyes were already focused on you, gazing at you so lovingly that you felt you were in paradise. You just wanted to grab his face and kiss him all over his face, starting at his nose and ending at his-

As if reading your thoughts, his injured hand’s index finger and thumb held your chin so delicately, with a feather like grasp and his pillowy lips crashed onto yours. You devoured each other, his eagerness showing how much he missed you, how aware he became of your absences these days and him not liking it one bit.

Needless to say, you were quite awake now.

You both ran out of breath and pulled away but your gazing constant didn’t end until a few minutes.

When Akamaru’s bark broke you both out of your trance, you intertwined his fingers with yours and pulled him upstairs with you towards the bedroom.

“Shouldn’t you eat something first? I will order some-”

“I’m hungry, but a lot more tired. Cuddle with me?”

“I’m offended you would even ask that.”

You both snuggled under the heavy duvet, with him spooning you from behind, Akamaru coming to lay at your feet.

“What were you cooking anyways? The gash was pretty deep.” You asked with closed eyes.

“I was planning on making pudding, it’s a good snack and a light one-”

“Babe, I’m pretty sure there is absolutely no step that requires a knife though.”

“I think you missed the step of breaking an egg using the ever helpful knife-”

“What the fuck do you mean you were trying to cut open the eggshell?! What even- You know, I can’t- Again what the actual fuck, Kiba?” you stumbled over your words, as you jerked out of his embrace and now faced him, with the most confused expression ever and your eyes as horrified as they can be. Your eyebrows scrunched in disbelief with your mouth so wide open that Kiba would have laughed at your adorableness was he not astonished at the piece of information he received.

“Are you sure (Y/N) bec-”

“Yes, I’m pretty fucking sure Kiba.”

“Well the recipe said to break three eggs and thought a knife would work but the egg rolled away while my hand came in between so….”

“So you chopped your hand off while doing the stupidest thing ever? I think it is the easiest step in any recipe, right after boiling water.”

Kiba lightly chuckled at that and replied, “Well, I’m your idiot anyways honey.”

“That you are. Please be cautious baby. How am I supposed to not worry when you are away on missions if I can’t even trust you in the kitchen?”

“Sorry for worrying you (Y/N).”

You lightly smiled and pecked his cheek, returning to your original position of being the small spoon.

“Hey Kiba?” You mumbled with closed eyes, right on the brink of falling sleep.

“Yes baby?” He asked, nuzzling in your hair, taking in its sweet scent.

“Please watch a fucking tutorial next time.”

 A/N: So I did get a few requests and I’m so happy that you guys are responding. I will write the requests but I might take some time so bear with me. Also if you wanna be friends dm me cause I don’t bite I promise. If i gather enough active people I might make a group of close knit members where we might share others IDs, a safe place sort of thing but that’s wayy in the future. 

Until then, show this post some love babes.

Meet you soon with another post my cookies.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine....

Dominant Erik sees his ex gf at a party/ Dominant Erik and his soft ex gf he lost by being a fuck boi keeps taunting him about how much he can’t have this anymore since she has a new man. Erik is jealous and he has to remind her who Daddy really is

Warnings: HARDCORE SMUT. Dom & Sub play. Voyeurism. Edging. Nasty talk. Jealousy.

“Y/N, get the croissants so you can make those bomb-ass breakfast sandwiches.”

“Which ones? The big ones or the small ones?”

“The big ones.”

Y/N crouches down in a squat to grab four big croissants for her and her roommate, Ivory, to have. She was famous for making the best breakfast sandwiches. Y/N grew up in a southern home with two parents who have their own catering business. She learned to cook at the age of 6, bringing a stool over to the stove, making breakfast and lunch for her younger siblings. Now, her Cali friends can’t shut up about how great of a cook she is. Her friend from UCLA, Tommie, is having a pool party/ tattoo party at her place this evening and she asked Y/N if she could cook some dishes. She didn’t have to worry about the grilled items. Y/N was asked to make curry chicken, barbecued ribs, seafood salad, and potato salad. She already whipped up the salads yesterday so all she had to do was cook the marinated chicken and ribs so they would be fresh and ready to devour.

“I need to get my ass out of this market. If I stay in here I’ll end up spending more money and we still have to pay off the rest of the new furniture set.”

“We have enough saved, let’s splurge,” Ivory spoke while grabbing some junk food.

“The money we have saved is for emergencies, Ivory, like if our cars start fucking up? If some big weather crisis happens and we have to stock up on food for a while?”

“Girl lets live life and stop worrying about money all the damn time. You’ll be graduating next year with your Master's degree.”

Y/N chuckles, “that’s next year though. Did you get the avocados?”

Ivory held up a bag filled with them, “You know I couldn’t forget. We eat these with everything.”

“True,” Y/N stood up, pulling a wedgey from between her ass cheeks.

“One more thing,” Ivory pulled up the list of groceries from her notes in her phone, “Cookies and cream ice cream.”

“And extra Oreos because they don’t put enough in there for me,” Y/N walked to the cart, heading back down the aisle. She spotted the cookies, grabbing two packs of double-stuffed Oreos. Y/N and Ivory made a right outside of the aisle, heading towards the frozen section to grab their tub of ice cream. Ivory was currently texting away with a grin on her face, almost bumping into an Indian couple with their child. Y/N knew she was texting the group chat that included Tommie and herself because her phone kept vibrating in her Louis Vuitton purse sitting in the cart.

“Tommie wants to know if you are bringing your new boo?”

“Terrence? Yeah, I’m bringing him,” Y/N looked up at the signs above the frozen aisles to make sure she was heading towards the correct one.

“Ah, ice cream,” She made a left, Ivory following slowly behind her.

“She also wanted me to let you know that Erik is coming so be prepared.”

“Erik who?” Y/N says while bending over to grab some ice cream. Ivory held the door to the freezer open for her.

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

“All I know is a nigga named Erik who is a fuck boi. The biggest fuck boi ever,” Y/N places the ice cream in the cart, “Ready to checkout?”

Ivory purses her lips, “How long have y’all been broken up? Still ain’t over it?”

“For about...eight months now. Eight months of peace and no drama. He’s irrelevant to me. Every time I hear the name Erik I wanna fight somebody and I’m not the fighting type.”

“Does Terrence know about him?”

Y/N glares at Ivory, “No. why? Should I have mentioned him? I didn’t think I needed to.”

Ivory didn’t say another word until they made it to the car. All things were purchased and bagged up. Y/N opened the trunk with a push of a button, bringing the cart over so she could pass the bags to Ivory. Once the trunk was loaded, Y/N walked the cart to place it with the others. She made her way back, Ivory driving this time since Y/N drove to the market.

“I RATHER BE YOUR B.I.T.C.H CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU GON’ CALL ME WHEN I’M TRIPPING ANYWAY!” Y/N jammed to Megan Thee Stallion’s song that played from Ivory’s iTunes. She grinds her hips in her seat, thick ass and thighs moving, windows rolled down making her top knot curly bun frizzy, and snapping her fingers.

“Aye, you know you can’t control me, baby, you need a real one in your life them bitches ain’t gon’ give it to you right!” Y/N stuck her tongue out.

“Bitch, who you singing to? Soft Boi Terrence or Fuck Boi Erik?”

“Neither, I’m just singing, girl. Why I gotta be singing to a nigga?” Y/N turned down the music.

“Because, bitch, I peep what you’ve been doing on the GRAM.”

“What have I been doing Ivory?” Y/N asked defensively.

“My girl ain’t so sweet anymore,” Ivory raises both of her brows, “The captions under your pictures? The music you post in your stories? Who are you tryna piss off?”

“I know this ain’t about Erik ain’t shit ass,” Y/N argues while talking with her hands, long acrylic nails swaying like she was ghetto fabulous, “Cuz if it is you can cut this shit out real quick.”

“Let me give you an example,” Ivory clears her throat, “You wish this was still your pussy, HUH?”

“Girl, that’s a quote from a song,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Well, how about, Fuck Boys played out, let’s treat these niggas how they treat us. Y/N, I’m not the only one who’s noticed, girl. And you didn’t unfollow Erik on Instagram. You want him to see all your posts so he can get jealous and miss what he can’t have that’s what you’re doing.”

“What’s wrong with that though?” Y/N shrugs, “He crept around with other bitches, so what’s wrong with me letting him know that he will never find another girl like me? I want him to feel it. Terrence might be soft and sweet but he treats me with respect. Erik just wanted to get his dick wet. He didn’t take what we had seriously, Ivory. I don’t care how fine or how big that nigga dick is he fucked up.”

“OKAY. I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just don’t want you to dwell on him. Then, that means he won, right?”

“I don’t want him to win,” Y/N spoke with a pout of her lips, “I want him to remember what he lost, that’s all. I want him to watch me glow up on his big-headed ass.”

“Girl...we both know Erik. We know how he had you running behind him. If that nigga said get on your knees for Daddy, what you gon’ do? GET ON YOUR KNEES!”

“Nah,” Y/N folds her arms over her hefty chest, “Nope. He doesn’t have that power over me anymore-“

“I remember the stories, Y/N. How he taught you to be the best freak. Girl, you can’t just throw that away.”

“Who’s side are you on?” Y/N spoke with rage.

“Nobody’s side. I just know you still have feelings for him, that’s all. Don’t do Terrence like that. He’s just a filler, we both know this.”

“I really like Terrence. He’s the man I should be with, not Erik. My mama warned me about men like Erik. They sweet talk you, fuck you good, then break your heart and move on to the next bitch. She said it with those exact words. I always told myself I would never get with a dude like Erik and here my dumb ass go skipping to a dick appointment and coming out bow-legged.”

Ivory was in a fit of laughter wheezing and clutching her aching belly. Y/N turned the music back up, shaking her head at the fact that she even had to talk about him again. She wanted Erik and everything he did to her out of her mind. It took a while for Y/N to forget the good times. The nights where they laid up under eachother, talking about everything under the sun. The way he kissed her. How hungry he was for her each time he saw her. How he made her body react to him. Made her cum from dick for the first time. Turned her over to the BDSM lifestyle, becoming his 24/7 slut. It was fun, exhilarating, risky, sexy, wild, passionate, but then she found out he has multiple bitches calling him Daddy and submitting to him. That was the last draw. She cut ties with him and he acted like he didn’t give a fuck.

“So I won’t give a fuck,” Y/N held her head high, “I’m gonna enjoy being petty.”

“You’re grown,” Ivory ended it, turning into their apartment complex.

————————-

The Splash party/ Tattoo party will start around 6 PM and would end whenever. Tommie, the host and Y/N’s Instagram Model friend, was currently on the phone with the moon bounce crew about when they would arrive. Ivory and Y/N were in the kitchen taking the shells off of the boiled eggs. The dank smell of weed filtered into the kitchen from out back while Ivory and Y/N continued with the eggs. They had so many to do. Terrence was out back helping Tommie’s boyfriend, DJ, blow up the floaties and other pool accessories. Most of the hot food was in the oven on low heat. The grill master, another friend of theirs, Bryson, was seasoning the meat outside so he could start the grilling process. Y/N didn’t have on her bikini like Ivory and Tommie did. Y/N has a lime green bikini packed away in a holographic tote bag. She had on a pair of elastic waistband pink velvet shorts and a cropped airbrushed T-shirt that read Spoil Me.

“Is that my nigga Erik?!” DJ yells.

Y/N didn’t react, she didn’t flinch or jump to look at him. She continued scooping the yoke out of the middle of the boiled egg whites.

“So, you’re the drink plug then? Where’s the rest of the liquor?”

“In the truck.”

His voice. She hadn’t heard it in about seven months. She forgot how raspy and alluring it was. Now, she was remembering the way he used to talk to her. Instruct her to sit on his dick or suck his dick with no hands.

“We may need to make one more run. You know Tommie’s friends with everybody,” Erik laughs.

That laugh was infectious. Y/N licks her lips, picking up another egg to cut into.

“Who’s here already?” Erik asked.

“Bryson, Ivory, Y/N, and her boyfriend Terrance.”

“Oh, for real? Let me go say wassup.”

Y/N’s breathing quickened. She wondered how her hair looked slicked back in a bun or how thick she looked in her velvet shorts. All thoughts she wished she didn’t have but couldn’t help. Ivory was too busy singing to Ari Lennox that played from her phone to pay attention to Y/N. Footsteps finally settled in the kitchen. Y/N looked up through her lashes, staring at her ex. Erik Stevens. He put on more muscle. Skin a deeper brown from the sun. Dreads in his hair now and not that kinky fro she remembered him having. Orange swim trunks on and a half-buttoned white linen shirt that showed off gold chains hanging from his neck. He was carrying a box filled with dark liquor.

“Sup?” He spoke to both Ivory and Y/N. Y/N didn’t speak.

“Hey, Erik,” Ivory waves to him with a knife in her hand, “How have you been?”

“Pretty good, how about you?”

“Same me, what did you bring for us?” Ivory peered her big brown eyes into his box, “Hennessy, Long Island, D’usse! good choices.”

“More coming too,” Erik smiles. His eyes looking past Ivory’s braided hair to stare at Y/N, “Hey, Pinky.”

He actually called her that. Her hair wasn’t even pink anymore. She went back to her natural dark brown. He said that shit to piss her off.

“Damn, rude ass,” Erik kissed his teeth, “Where you want these at, DJ?”

“Come on, let me show you.”

—————————-

“Erik, this is Terrence, Y/N’s boyfriend.”

Terrence was taller than Erik and slender. Skin a hickory brown, silky waves in his jet black hair, full lips and sepia eyes. His chest and arms were covered in tattoos. He has on black and grey striped trunks with no shirt. His body was wet from being in the pool to place the pool lights and floaties.

“Hey, man,” Terrence shook Erik’s hand with his wet one, “Oh, snap!” Terrence pulls a bottle of Hennessy from Erik’s liquor box, “Can we open this now?”

“I don’t care, it’s for everybody,” Erik walks away, sitting the box down on an empty table next to ice buckets that DJ told him was the bar.

“Where do I know you from?” Terrence asked while following Erik to the drink table.

“I’m well known. I’m a party promoter and I own my own night club-“

“OH YEAH. That’s where I know you from. I follow you on Instagram. I’ve been to a few of your parties. Your shit be jumping off, bruh.”

“Thanks.” Erik started taking the bottles out of the box.

“I also know that you and Y/N used to fuck with each other.”

A smile crept up Erik’s lips, “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. And let me just say this now before I walk away. Don’t think about speaking to her. She’s with me now. Clearly, she left your ass for a reason. She didn’t tell me exactly who her ex was but she did say he was a cheating ass bitch. Stay away from her, aight?”

“Step off, nigga, before I make you,” Erik’s eyes were dark and menacing. Y/N failed to mention that Erik was dangerous. Killer dangerous, “She ain’t mention how I kill niggas for a living too? Don’t end up on my list tryna defend your bitch. I had her, I know how she feels. Still nice and tight? Still gotta lay the towels down under her big ol’ ass because she squirts too much? Did she mention how I call her Pinky because her hair used to be hot pink and how she sucked on the dick real good?”

Terrence simply scowled at Erik. He looked like he wanted to bust Erik’s head open with one of those liquor bottles but not once did he make a move to correct Erik or hit him. Erik smirks before grabbing the Hennessy bottle from Terence, opening it, and drinking from it in his face. Erik wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes unblinking and murderous.

“Nothing to say? What happened to the tough guy? I like a challenge-“

“Just stay away from her, she doesn’t need you, she got me-“

“Are you insecure, homie? For you to approach me like this right off the back lets me know that you’re afraid I may take her away.”

“I’m not tryna ruin Tommie’s party, homie-“

“Nah, you feel insecure. If you know me then you must know how I get down. Pinky ain’t mention how she used to be my little slut? If I make you my little slut that means you’re still mine.”

“Y’all Aight?!” DJ yells over at Terrence and Erik from the pool, “Y’all niggas ain’t about to fight over Y/N are y’all?”

“NAH,” Erik yells, clapping Terrence on the back, “Just getting to know Terrence more. Decent guy.”

Erik walked away, bumping Terrence’s shoulder so hard he stumbled. Terrence braces himself on the table before looking back at Erik with fury. Once again, Terrence didn’t do shit.

“You know,” Erik takes off his checkered Vans before putting his feet in the water, “Y/N really needs to find a nigga with some backbone next time.”

“What did you say?” DJ asks with a shake of his long dreads, “Did you threaten that nigga, Kill?”

“Nah, he tried to threaten me though. Ain’t work. How long him and Pinky been dealing with each other?”

“Probably for five months. They met through me. Terrence came with me to a house party and next thing I know he and Y/N hitting it off. They exchanged numbers and been down for each other ever since.”

“That shit won’t last,” Erik took a swig of Hennessy, “she still talks about me?”

“No, Erik. That girl doesn’t mention your name, ever.”

“She still thinking about me with all those shady captions she posts on Instagram. She turned into a real gangsta on a nigga,” Erik chuckles, “I know it ain’t because of him.”

“E, DONT act a fool, bruh.”

“She shouldn’t have come. She should have stayed her fine ass home then.”

—————————

Y/N was standing in Tommie’s master bathroom tying the strings to her bikini thong. She grabs her phone from the sink to take a boomerang of her in the bikini for her Instagram story. She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but Y/N was intentionally stalling in the bathroom. Other guests already began to pour in and eat the food. The music from the DJ at the pool could be heard all the way in the bathroom, Roddy Rich- The Box playing. Terrence was probably already drunk by the pool since he couldn’t keep a drink out of his hand. Ivory was probably scouting the crowd full of men for someone to potentially take with her back to the apartment later. And Erik...

“Stop thinking about him.” Y/N spoke to herself in the mirror. She sighs, grabbing her matching lime green kimono to put around herself. Y/N headed out of the bathroom, walking down the hall and descending the steps towards the party. The house was empty, everyone out in Tommie’s big yard partying. When Y/N arrived, she smiled wide. This was like a 90’s pool party. Women dancing and walking around in tiny bikinis. Men dunking chicks in the pool or carrying them on their shoulders in the water. Towels laid out in the grass, people sitting on them with plates of food in their hands while others sat on chairs with their knees together to hold their plates of food. Moon bounce in full effect too. Tommie even has a slip n’ slide.

“Baby!” Terrence came over to Y/N with his arms out and an annoyed expression on his face, “Where have you been for the past hour? Sleeping?”

“No, getting dressed,” Y/N bats her lashes innocently, “You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

“Nah, that nigga over there is just irritating me.”

Y/N gave Terrence a perplexed look, “What nigga?”

“Your ex.”

Y/N looked up in time to see Erik surrounded by a group of half-naked women in the pool. They all splashed him, Erik picking one of them up to toss back into the pool. The other who tried to splash him was resting on a flamingo floaty. Erik flips the floaty over, the girl shrieking as she went underwater.

“How did you find out?” Y/N turned her eyes back on Terrence.

“Found a picture of you and him on his Instagram at a party he promoted for.”

Y/N looks away, a guilty expression on her face.

“Why did you hide that from me?”

“You wanna do this right now, Terrence?” Y/N folded her arms, lowering her voice so she wouldn’t cause a scene.

“Just answer the question, he’s gonna be here a while and I have to see his ugly mug until we leave. And Pinky? What’s up with that-“

“WHAT?!” Y/N raised her voice.

“He told me he called you Pinky because you used to have hot pink hair-“

“This conversation is over, Terrence. I didn’t come here to talk about my ex I came here to have fun- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Y/N was being tossed into the pool. She didn’t have time to prepare herself as the chlorine water burned in her nose. Her hands splashed frantically before she went under again. Gaining her footing, Y/N broke the water surface, coughing with her eyes squeezed shut. Snickering and shouts surrounded her. Y/N finally opens her reddish eyes, staring up at a laughing Erik with his wet muscular body standing over her on the pool edge.

“NEED SOME HELP OUT OF THERE?” He teased.

Y/N was about to charge him until she saw the straps to her bikini top floating in front of her. She screamed, causing more people to laugh. Tommie and a few other girls came over while Y/N held the front of her bikini top tightly so it wouldn’t float away.

“SERIOUSLY, BRUH?!” Terrence was ready to attack Erik but Erik’s friends held him off, trying to calm him down.

“All jokes, Terrence. Y/N is used to it. Falls for the shit every time. Ain’t that right, Pinky?”

Y/N was embarrassed. Finally secured, she swam to the pool ladder, climbing out of it while glaring at Erik with vengeance. Her hair was out of its bun, wet curly hair smoothing down her back. The kimono she wore was currently floating in the pool and her ears were filled with water. She rushed away and back into the house, a finger in her ear swishing around to help get the water out. Y/N almost slips on the tile of the kitchen floor when she made it back inside.

“UGHHHHHH.” She groaned loudly.

“Baby, you Aight? Here,” Terrence held out her fluffy SpongeBob beach towel for her, “I know you’re cold.”

“Thanks, DICK,” Y/N snatched the towel.

“Why the attitude towards me?” Terrence spoke offensively.

“Because I have a feeling you said something to Erik. You knew he was coming, didn’t you? You had an entire speech waiting for him when he arrived? Now, he’s provoked and he will do whatever it takes to piss you and me off. So THANK YOU!!!! I am SO GRATEFUL!”

“Chill out with all of that. Yeah, I did approach him. I told him to keep his focus on everything and everyone else besides you-“

“Why though? You scared he’s gonna come back into my life? That’s a wack nigga move on your end,” Y/N wraps the towel around her waist, “I’m gonna go clear my head. Why don’t you go back out there and stir up some more shit.”

“Y/N!” Terrence yelled out as her back turned. She stomped through the living room, spotting a bottle of Tequila, grabbing it, and walking upstairs to Tommie’s room.

————————

Y/N was sitting on Tommie’s balcony, staring down at the party with a gloomy expression. Erik was down there partying with his third plate of food in his hand. Ivory was in the pool playing shoulder wars, better known as chicken fight with one of Tommie’s model friends. Bryson was sweating bullets at the grill and Tommie and DJ sat on the pool edge with drinks in their hands. Y/N couldn’t spot Terrence. She didn’t care honestly. Y/N was burning through that bottle of Tequila. She could feel the earth rocking beneath her and her mind drifting in and out like a tide. Y/N stares with blurry eyes at the bottle in her hand. It was almost gone. She rolls her eyes, capping the rest before throwing the bottle on the balcony couch that Tommie has. Y/N stood on wobbly legs, bracing herself on the glass sliding doors before entering the house. She needed to eat but she didn’t want to walk back out there.

Y/N picks up her phone from Tommie’s canopy bed, ready to dial for Tommie but before she could, her phone was buzzing in her hand from an incoming call. She didn’t bother to see who it was, answering the phone anyway.

“He-hello?”

“You tore up already, ma?”

That voice almost made her sober.

“Why the FUCK do you still have my number?”

“Because I can. Where you at?”

“FUCK. YOU.” Y/N spoke with a slurred voice.

“Just tell me where you are so I can come to the rescue like always.”

“No, Fuck Boy, I’d rather lay in my own vomit than be near you for another fucking second you piece of shit.”

“Damn, I really turned you into a Lil’ savage, huh?”

“Erik...I am hanging up.”

Y/N ended the call.

“Sup, Pinky?”

Y/N felt like her body was moving in slow motion. She looked towards the entrance to Tommie’s bedroom. There, in his orange trunks, bare feet and shirtless was Erik himself. He has a plate of food in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” Y/N asked while blinking up at Erik. She felt like her head was spinning.

“Because...I know you still like it. You gon’ always be Pinky to me...my Pinky. Ain’t gon’ never change.”

“What do you think is going to happen for you? You think because you bring me food and water I’m gonna get down on my knees for you? I’m not your submissive anymore, Erik.”

“I’m not here to argue with you I’m here to sober you up, here,” Erik places the plate filled with a burnt hotdog, some cucumber salad, and deviled eggs, “I figured this would be the perfect food to soak up that alcohol. I saw you throwing that bottle back like it was water.”

Y/N didn’t say thank you but she did accept the food. She was starving. Erik sat on the other side of the bed, watching her eat like she was his favorite movie. She ate quickly, burping and all. Y/N grabs the water from the bed, uncapping it before gulping that water down in a rush. She felt better even though she was still tipsy. Her head didn’t spin like before and she could stand with a better center of gravity on her two feet.

“You ain’t gotta thank me. I know your pride won’t let you. You’re welcome anyway.”

“You can go now.” Y/N got up from Tommie’s bed, walking to the bathroom to rinse her mouth out with Listerine.

“I like it up here more,” Erik follows her, his eyes watching her ass sway, “We can catch up and shit.”

“Catch up? Boy-“

“I’m a grown-ass man, Y/N.” Erik cuts her off quickly.

“Fuck Boy’s are little boys to me,” Y/N rolls her eyes at Erik in the mirror, “Now, why don’t you make yourself scarce and leave me the fuck alone, yeah?”

Erik had a glint in his eyes that Y/N would usually flench at but this time she didn’t give a fuck.

“What? I’m being too bratty for you? You want to punish me?” Y/N let out a short suppressed laugh, “Please.”

“Keep talking, watch what I do next.”

“Nothing!” Y/N swished the Listerine around her mouth thoroughly before spitting it out. “You don’t get to tame me again. I’m gonna go to the party, swim, freak dance with all this ass on my boyfriend, and spend time with my friends. You do you, and I’ll do me, okay?”

Y/N rinses out the Listerine cap, twisting it back on the bottle, then walking back to the bedroom. Erik walked out behind her slowly, his hands clenched in fists and his nostrils flared. Y/N ignored him completely, reaching out to grab her phone only to see it vibrating with an incoming call.

“Ah, that’s my man right now,” Y/N picks up the phone to answer it, “Hey, baby,” Y/N looked over at Erik and he was green with envy, “I’m better. I just took a little nap. You know how I can be when I’m tired.”

Erik’s covetous expression didn’t go unnoticed. Y/N got onto the bed slowly, feet swinging behind her while she twirled a piece of her curly hair, putting on a sweet and honeyed voice. She was playing with him. The little minx.

“I’ll be down, Daddy...Mhm, I’m so sorry I was so pissed with you earlier. I just get so angry sometimes...Mhm, I just need some sex that’s all.”

“Y/N...put the phone down, now,” Erik warned her with a quiet rough tone. He steps a little closer.

Y/N rolled over onto her back, “I promise, I’ll be a good girl,” Y/N giggles, “Yes, fuck Erik, I’m your new good girl-“

“Y/N. Do it now before I tear that ass up, girl, I’m not playing with you.” Erik tries to grab her phone but Y/N backs away on her knees, getting out the canopy bed.

“Yes, Daddy, you’re my new Daddy, fuck Erik-“

Her phone was snatched from her hand and placed in his trunks. Y/N shoves Erik away aggressively. That was the wrong move. Erik picked Y/N up, covering her mouth to muffle her screams, walking towards one of Tommie’s bedroom closets since she had two of them, opening it, then stepping inside. He sat her down, finding the light switch in the closet. Erik looks down at Y/N, her chest rising and falling with deep gasping breaths, body backing away into a corner. Erik didn’t blink. He didn’t even speak. His body was pressed firmly against hers, trapping her in the corner. Y/N could only look at either his eyes or his chest. His skin smelled like chlorine and Shea butter.

“Done playing with me?” He spoke finally, “Cuz I didn’t find that shit funny.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha,” Y/N teased, “Jealous that I have a new Daddy to fuck and not you?”

“More like pissed the FUCK off. You had your little rebellious fun for these eight months. Now, I gotta properly get in that ass. Like I said...you done playing with me?”

“No,” Y/N smiles, “You need to hurry up with your I’m still Daddy speech I got a date with my man at the pool-“

“Oh, I’m done talking. You know...talking doesn’t seem to work for you anymore since you turned into a Lil’ savage on a nigga. I gotta use action...”

“Erik, move,” Y/N bumps past him, turning the doorknob only for it to be locked. Confused, Y/N jiggled the knob and twisted it with more force, her upper arm burning from her muscles being worked out. Pausing, Y/N looked from side to side nervously, her hand still on that brass doorknob. Now, she was screaming, practically yanking Tommie’s doorknob. Erik brings a hand around to cover her mouth, pulling her further into the closet, forcefully placing her back against the wall. Y/N still wanted to scream even though Erik’s hand was pressed over her lips. She bites down on one of his fingers, thinking that would help her but it only pissed Erik off more.

“Shut the fuck up with all that noise,” Erik whispered angrily into her ear, “Yelling like a fucking child. SHUT UP.”

“Mmmm!” She tries to speak. Erik’s face was dangerously close to hers.

“Couldn’t get out?” She blinked up into his onyx eyes, “couldn’t escape? How does it feel that you are locked inside of a closet with me right now, Hmm? My Pinky scared?” Erik removes his hand from her mouth, Y/N shaking with fear, “Yell Terrence name. I want you to yell as loud as you can.”

“WHAT-“ she was cut off with a hand around her throat.

“Do. It.” He spoke with a warning before letting her neck go, standing back with his large biceps and triceps crossed over his chest.

Y/N clears her throat but her voice cracked, “TERRENCE?!!”

“Mm-mm. Louder than that.”

“TERRENCE!!!!!!”

Nothing. He was toying with her. Making her yell his name like he would come to the rescue. He was reminding her that she was trapped and the loud music and partying from outside muffled her yells. Y/N was vanquished. Vanquished by the one man she despised.

“Say, Terrence, help me! Help me please!” Erik smirks deviously.

“T-TERRENCE! HE-HELP ME! PLEASE HE-HELP ME!” She felt like an idiot.

Erik presses his ear to the door, “Hmm, no sign of him. I wonder why?” He asked with faux curiosity.

“Because he’s outside, and it’s loud, Erik,” Y/N glares at him.

“Exactly. Good girl...that’s my baby,” Erik jiggles the doorknob, “I peeped that Tommie locks the closet form the outside. No wonder, look at the shit she has in here,” Y/N entertained Erik, looking around on the shelves and the floor. Nothing but boxes filled with home movies, a folded up camcorder, sex toys for men and women, a blow-up doll deflated in the corner, and BDSM toys.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I introduced the homie DJ to this? I’m the one that suggested he spice up sex with Tommie by making her his little slut. It seems like it worked. Don’t you agree Lil’ mama?”

Y/N didn’t respond. She was having flashbacks to how her closet used to look. Exactly like this minus the blow-up doll. Erik purchased her own collection so he wouldn’t have to bring his own from his place. The movies and the camcorder really struck a nerve. All the movies they made, especially Erik’s favorite that involved her first time as his sub, 

Daddy! oh! Daddy! I can’t believe I’m cumming!

Daddy, it’s so big in my little bad girl pussy!

MMM! Yes, Daddy! I’m a little slut! I’m your nasty little slut!

I love sucking your fat dick, Daddy...

It played in her mind. All the sex. All the role play. She couldn’t wipe it out. It was as if someone opened her brain to re-file all her memories of her Daddy, her Sir. To her disappointment, Y/N could feel her pussy growing warm and wet.

“Now, what smart shit do you have to say now?”

“N-nothing,” Y/N slid down the wall and to the floor, “I don’t have anything to say.”

“I know you don’t. Cuz you know if you keep talking I’m gonna pop that ass real good, right?”

Y/N glares at Erik, “Yes.”

“Terrence just let you walk all over him, doesn’t he? That nigga ain’t Daddy don’t make his head swell with false promises, Pinky.”

“STOP calling me that. My hair isn’t even pink anymore. And I’m not your little porn star-“

“You still are. You wanna see something?”

“See WHAT?” Y/N glanced at Erik’s trunks.

“See what will make you remember how much of a porn star you really are for me.”

“I-No, Erik, I don’t,” Y/N’s eyes disobeyed her by looking at his crotch again.

“You do, and you will,” Erik didn’t need to do much, he simply takes his thumbs, hooking them in the waistband of his trunks, and pulling them down so they could cascade around his ankles. His dick was moist from his wet trunks but it still hung heavy like Y/N remembered. Still just as thick and beautiful. Terrence has a little dick compared to Erik’s. That was the dick that made her cum multiple times in one session. That was the dick she would wake up to in her mouth or wait for on her knees at her door when he said he was about to pull up. The dick she would gladly go limp for. The dick that turned her into the best slut. Her Daddy’s dick.

“This is what you still do to me. Still don’t want it?” Erik moves his hips making his dick bounce and twirl.

“Uh-huh,” Y/N spoke with an unsure voice.

“Speak into the mic, Pinky,” Erik jokes, laughing and making Y/N suck her teeth. Erik moves closer to her, his moisturized dick hitting her in the cheek. Y/N reaches out to slap it away but it was like an iron rod; rigid and stiff. Her clit jumped and her pussy squeezed around nothing.

“Go ahead, take all that anger and frustration towards me out on this fat dick.” Y/N could hear him jerking his dick, “Stop playing and suck Daddy’s dick.”

“Fuck,” Y/N whimpers, “I’m so fucking mad at you! I can’t believe I wanna suck your dick right now!”

“I can,” Erik taps his dick on her lip, “Let’s go, mamas.”

“Terrence...he’s-“

“Oh yeah,” Erik crouched down to grab his trunks, pulling out Y/N’s phone, “FaceTime him so he can watch you suck on this dick.”

“ERIK! Nooooo,” Y/N pleaded, “No, I don’t wanna do that to him-“

“I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT NIGGA,” Erik shoves her phone in her face, “Call that wack nigga right now, or I will.”

“Please,” She was on her knees, eyes watering, “Please, pleaseeeeee I don’t want him to know-“

“Then you’re not Pinky no more. The Pinky I remember used to suck my dick under the table at the restaurant or at the club in VIP. That’s the Pinky I remember. He messed you up, girl,” Erik presses her phone against her cheek, “Call him right now, hear me, girl?”

“UGH, OKAYYYYYYY!” Y/N snatched her phone away, earning her hair getting pulled

“Fuck is wrong with you?!!! I am so disappointed,” He had a mug on his face that scared Y/N, “I got something for you...wait till his face pop up...watch.”

Y/N’s teary eyes looked down at the FaceTime call. It rang twice before Terrence popped up, drunk with another drink in his hand. He was currently waiting to get a tattoo done since the tattoo man and his crew showed up.

“Hey, baby! I thought you said you were coming down?! The tattoo man here! I’m thinking about getting your name.”

“Oh, he’s a quick one,” Erik joked.

“Who is that? And why are you crying, love?”

Y/N’s lip trembled while Erik softly ran his fingers through her hair.

“Are you in a closet? What the fuck is going on with you?” Terrence looked like he was coming to his senses.

“B-Baby, I-I’m sorry. Just break up with me, okay? I-I’m about to do something very bad and-“

“Erik pulls her hair with a warning.

“I-I’m sorry.”

Y/N turned towards Erik on her knees, making sure Terrence could see what she was doing. Her hand wraps around Erik’s girthy meat, shuddering breaths escaping her mouth before her lips pulled him in snugly. She instantly remembered the taste. She hadn’t sucked a dick this big in months so she wasn’t used to the filling her mouth received. Erik could be seen smiling smugly down into the phone while his balls dangled and Y/N’s tight plump lips went back and forth over his dick.

“Y/N!!!!!!!! What the fuck?!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!! You cheating ass bitch!!!!” Terrence gawked at her while she sucked, looking from that phone with her pretty mocha eyes shining with tears and up to stare at Erik. She felt so guilty but having Erik’s dick in her mouth again brought back the good times when she used to suck on her Daddy.

“YEAH! WE ARE DONE! hoe ass bitch.”

He ended the FaceTime.

“Good girl,” Erik fucked her mouth, “That’s my good girl, my good little slut.”

Y/N sucked him while he gave her the dick.

“Now, who is the cheater? You just FaceTimed your boyfriend while sucking your ex’s dick. Shame on you,” Erik made Y/N gag, “On your knees in the closet while sucking me. So nasty, baby, yes, such a slut. Aren’t you a slut?”

Y/N nods her head.

“Good girl, who’s a slut?”

“Me-”

“And who’s slut are you?”

Erik pulls his dick from Y/N’s mouth, “Your slut.”

“Mhm, and who do you answer to?”

“Y-you, Daddy,” Y/N’s eyes were puffy, nose running, mouth drooling.

“Exactly. Now suck my fucking dick like you’re supposed to, slut.”

Y/N went back to pleasing Erik, sucking on him to make up for the lost time. She had to show him that she still had the title for the best dick sucker. Like she didn’t go on a hiatus, her jaws went tight and her throat became a never-ending fuck hole for Erik’s thick slab of meat.

“Why don’t you grab my nuts and play with those too. Don’t leave them hanging, baby. Take all of me.”

Y/N obeyed his command, grabbing Erik’s fat sack with her hands. She massages them, her lips on the tip of his dick now trying to ring him dry.

“That’s it, get it, mamas, yesssss, Mhm, just like before, uh-huh,” Erik’s eyes fluttered, “Fuck, you know how to please me. It was fate having you here. Now, ain’t no running away from me.”

“Mmm-“

“You’re here to stay. Fucking leave me again if you want.”

Y/N could feel Erik’s dick swelling in her mouth. Her plump lips felt sore from stretching them around his dick. 

“Suck that dick for Daddy, a true dick sucker, dump all this cum in your mouth, and you better swallow.”

“mmmm,” Y/N blinked her eyes up at him. She couldn’t do much but mumble.

“Goddamn, what a mouth on you, I trained you so well to deep throat big dicks and you can take the whole damn thing, Daddy loves to fuck your pretty little mouth-”

When Y/N smiled at him with a mouth full of dick Erik erupted in her mouth and Y/N’s pussy got so wet it was dripping on the carpet in the closet. Her submissive throat happily swallowed all of his cum. 

“Slut,” Erik smiled at her.

Y/N pops her mouth off, wiping her chin with the back of her had while trying to catch her breath. There was no going back, she already did what she said she wouldn’t do. Y/N could see Ivory now pointing a finger at her while laughing hysterically. She was on her knees for Erik just like she said she would be. 

“Stand up!” Erik startled her with his booming voice, “Put your leg up on that shelf, let me see that Lil sexy pussy that I haven’t had in months-”

“It’s your own fault, Daddy-”

WHACK!

Erik struck Y/N’s ass painfully before cuffing it so hard his nails sank into her skin. 

“Keep talking back. Keep running your fucking mouth,” WHACK! “Put that goddamn leg up like I said.”

Y/N brought her leg up to one of Tommie’s shelves, adjusting her balance.

“Pull that juicy cheek open so I can see my meal.”

Y/N pulls her left cheek open, revealing her wet, creamy pussy to Erik’s hungry eyes and drooling mouth. 

“Fuck yes. Need some pussy on my tongue like yesterday.”

Erik got down on his knees in the cramped closet, helping Y/N by holding her cheeks wider before his entire mouth gave Y/N one big kiss with a whole lot of tongue and suction. 

“Feed me,” Erik commands, Y/N opening her legs further for Erik to devour her pussy. She moaned sharply, gasps escaping her mouth in a desperate rhythm. His tongue dragged from her tight hole all the way up to her clit. Air was forced from her lungs in agonized gasps. Over and over he dragged his tongue along her engorged folds. Her thighs shook and she could feel her foot slipping from the shelf. Erik held her thigh up further so he could lap her kitty and give it sweet kisses. She could feel herself beginning to squirt because of a little of the clear liquid dripping from her. Erik tasted that, taking his tongue to roll over her clit before he brought his lips together to suck.

“Uhhhhh! Uuuuuuuh!” Y/N sucked in a quick breath, ready to explode but Erik stops. 

Y/N grabs the back of Erik’s head, bringing him closer to her pussy, “Daddy-”

“Don’t fucking touch me before I spank you again. You don’t deserve to cum in Daddy’s mouth. No matter how much I want that sweet pussy in my mouth I gotta discipline you.”

“Pleaseeeee,” Y/N wanted to cry. She was so close. Her cum was about to glaze his fucking face. 

“Nah, fix your bikini and pick up your phone to call Tommie so she can come open this closet.”

“Erik,” Y/N tried to sweet-talk him but he was busy pulling up his trunks. She rolls her eyes, Picking up her phone from the floor, unlocking it, and dialing Tommie’s number. It rang four times and she didn’t answer.

“She’s not answering, see,” Y/N shows Erik her phone. He looked at it nonchalantly.

“Dial it again that girl stays having her phone in her hand-”

“You can finish eating my pussy for me,” Y/N bends over as far as she could go, spreading her cheeks, showing Erik that sad little pussy that needed to be licked up, “See, Daddy? Daddy, please?”

“Get the fuck up.” Erik pulled her up by her arm, “Now dial her fucking number like I said.”

Y/N whimpers, stomping her foot, dialing Tommie again and hoping she wouldn't pick up. To Y/N’s disappointment, Tommie picks up, her voice loudly speaking into the phone because of the music.

“Y/N?! WHERE ARE YOU? TERRENCE STORMED OUT OF HERE.”

“Tommie! can you come to your room, please?!!! I’m locked in your closet!”

“WHAT? WHY?-”

“Just hurry, please??!!!!”

“AIGHT HERE I COME.”

The line ended.

Y/N looked over at a fully clothed Erik, spotting his wet beard and lower lip.

“Uh, Daddy,” Y/N pointed to his chin, “You still have my pussy juices on your face.”

“I know,” Erik looks her up and down,” I'm gon’ keep it there too-”

Tommie opened the door, hazel eyes growing wide and mouth hanging open.

“Oh! this what you were doing, huh?!” She laughs, “Y'all are wild! no wonder why Terrence left ready to cry!”

Y/N stormed out of the bedroom.

“Erik,” Tommie scolded, “Don’t fuck with my girl like that-”

“Mind your business, Tommie,” Erik playfully mushed Tommie before leaving the bedroom as well.

_________________

Y/N relaxed on a floaty in the pool, staring up at the starry sky. She didn’t care that the people around her splashed water or bumped into the floaty. She needed to reflect on what she just did. Erik was currently in the house getting a tattoo of a scorpion with the year 1986 on the back of his left arm. His session would probably take another hour. Y/N wanted to get a tattoo of a crescent moon on the side of her left breast but she felt that if she sat in there near Erik, she would act like even more of a brat. He didn’t deserve to deprive her, she deserved to deprive him. He cheated on her for some other bitch. He should be begging her but Y/N didn’t have it in her to do it. She wanted Erik to control her. 

“Sup, ma?”

Y/N looks down in the pool, her eyes connecting with a guy who looked Ethiopian, thick coily hair wet and dripping onto his forehead. He has full lips with facial hair that didn’t connect, eyes a cinnamon color and a skin smooth and caramel.

“Hello,” Y/N spoke dryly.

“Can I keep you company? I know your man stormed out of here crying about you. You really pissed him off, huh?”

“Do you need anything?” Y/N asked with annoyance.

“Your number if that’s cool,” He tried to put on a smooth voice but it didn’t work, “You look so gloomy with your pretty self.”

“How about you get me a drink,” Y/N needed one.

“I can do that.”

“What’s your name?”

“Aman,” He held out his hand to her, “You?”

“Y/N.” She shook his wet hand.

____________________________

“All finished, bro.”

Erik looked at his tattoo in the mirror that was given to him. He was a great tattoo artist. Erik paid him extra, thanking him again after getting it covered up with ointment, before walking away to let the next person have a turn. He needed to get more liquor before the good shit was gone. Heading back outside, Erik spots a group of people huddled around the pool lounge area, shouting and laughing. He walks over and the closer he got, he notices Y/N standing up, removing her swimsuit top, big beautiful, hefty breasts with large chocolate areolas and nipples free for everyone to see. She had everyone gawking at her before she took off running around the pool, breasts rebounding and swaying. She ran past Erik, almost slipping, before making it back to the group that cheered her on like she won a contest. She immediately picked up her bikini top, Tommie tying it back in place for her. Erik crushed the red solo cup in his hand, the ice falling out and landing on his bare toes. He tossed the cup down, squaring his shoulders before walking up to the group. All the dudes over there were looking at her savagely, dicks probably hard as a cement block in their wet trunks. One dude in particular that Erik recognized to be Aman was whispering in her ear, probably telling her how much he would love to suck on those big ass titties all night long; like a damn baby.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID IT!” Ivory spoke with shock, “Okay, your turn Aman.”

Y/N turned to him, Her legs awfully close and her lips just as close as she whispered in his ear, “Truth or Dare.”

“Dare,” Aman spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. Erik crossed his arms over his chest, eyes low and predatory. 

“I dare you to...take a shot off me!”

“Teh, easy.”

Y/N giggled drunkenly, “Let’s see then.”

Someone passed Aman a shot of tequila while Y/N laid back over his lap. Ivory sprinkled some sugar around her navel and squeezed a bit of lemon juice. Aman poured some of the tequila between Y/N’s breasts, watching it drip down. He quickly traced the wet trail with his tongue before licking around her navel to get all the sugar, dipping his tongue in her belly button to get the lemon juice. Everybody shouted, cheering Aman on while Y/N giggled. Erik saw red. He bumped roughly past a few people before pulling Y/N off of Aman, throwing her over his shoulder. Everyone watched stunned as Erik spanked Y/N.

“What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?!!!!!!!” Erik barked out in a gruff tone with clenched teeth, “You really enjoy pissing me off I can see that now! WHY ARE YOU LETTING SOME NIGGA LICK ALL OVER YOU-”

“Because I can!” Y/N slaps his back, “Get your hands off me, you don’t own me. Go find that bitch you cheated on me with and fuck her!”

“Let’s go,” Erik heard enough. He stormed away, Y/N kicking and screaming over his shoulder. 

Inside, Erik damn near ran up the stairs with her, finding a guest bedroom, tossing her on the bed, and slamming the door shut. Y/N got off the bed, falling to the floor because she was a little drunk. She laughs, flat out hysterical like a hyena. 

“Get the fuck up,” Erik spoke while shaking his head, “Can’t even hold your damn liquor-”

“Fuck you, yes I can, dumb-dumb,” Y/N got up, stretching out on the bed, “You just ruined my night yet again. I was having fun.”

“Thanks to you, Aman gotta die,” Erik walked over to Y/N slowly, “And as for you, I gotta punish you.”

“You already punished me. You owe me an apology,” Y/N sat up, “Apologize to me for cheating on me. Get on your knees and say how much of a sorry piece of shit you are.”

“Y/N,” Erik pinches the bridge of his nose, “Aight, look...I am sorry. I am so so so so fucking sorry for cheating on you like that and not giving a fuck. I truly apologize. If you wanna hit me, fucking hit me. Do what you gotta do, ma, but I’m not going nowhere. I promise you that. I miss you. You got me hot right now but I miss everything about you, girl. Come on, hit me. After this, you won’t get another chance, baby girl.”

Y/N looked at Erik like he has two heads and four legs.

“Did you hear me?! come on,” Erik held his arms out, “Hit me.”

Y/N got off the bed, walking over towards Erik timidly. She stood before him, looking up at him with low eyes, frizzy curly hair, and no balance what so ever. Erik still has his arms out, ready to take whatever Y/N dished out.

“Y/N-”

SLAP!

Erik’s jaw felt like it disconnected from his face. Y/N put a lot of force into that hit. She gasps, covering her mouth before giggling. 

“Girl-”

SLAP!

She breathed a breath of relief.

“That felt...so good,” Y/N beamed up at him, “Gosh, you don’t know how much I wanted to do that.”

Y/N could see her handprints on Erik’s face. He just looked at her while rubbing his left cheek, a smile slowly creeping up.

“You got hands, girl.”

“Thanks, asshole.”

“I deserved that,” Erik looks down at Y/N’s breasts, “But you dead wrong for showing your titties.”

“It was fun. I’ve never done that before,” Her eyes went down to stare at his crotch that was indeed tented in the front. Those hits turned him on.

“Consider that your last time,” Erik grabs his jaw to flex it before he presses his chest against hers, moving her back towards the bed, “Now take this bikini top off so I can titty fuck you until I bust on your chin.”

Y/N lays back on the bed, removing her bikini top, her heavy titties spilling out. She squeezes them together before twirling her nipples. Erik stood between her legs, pulling his trunks down and stepping out of them. His thick veiny dick stood at attention and bounced up and down as he got onto the bed to straddle her waist. Y/N grabs Erik’s dick, looking up at him with low eyes while he spits on his dick multiple times. Y/N rubbed it in, bringing his dick between her breasts before squeezing it with her copious flesh. Erik started moving his hips, his spit covered dick making squelching noises like he was in Y/N’s pussy.

“That chin is a good place for me to nut on, right, baby girl?”

“Umph, yes. Uhh, my pussy just jumped at that.”

“Good girl,” Erik grunts, “Lick the tip of my dick.”

Y/N flicks her tongue on Erik’s dick while he increased the speed of his hips, Y/N’s body moving back and forth across the bed.

“Fucking sexy,” Erik squeezed her tits more, “Fuck, these big ass titties so tight on my dick.”

“Daddy, please fuck my titties, please cum on my face,” Y/N leans forward to suck on the tip of his dick, “Yes, please, Daddy!”

Erik spits some more, His movements more erratic. Y/N held her mouth open with her tongue hanging out so the tip of Erik’s dick could rub against it. 

“Titties feel so soft and good, girl,” Erik moans, “You like it when Daddy titty fuck you, baby?”

“Yes!” 

“Hmph, fuck!” Erik’s creamy and warm cum landed on Y/N’s chin and lips. Her head came forward, nose a target now and a little on her eyelashes on the left side. She couldn’t believe how much cum came out. 

“goddayum!” Erik removed his dick from between her breasts, grabbing it at the base to slap her nipples with it.

“Can I feel your dick in my pussy now?” Y/N turned around, Arching her back deeply, “I want my pussy fucked so bad right now-”

“Oh, you want a proper workout, huh?” Erik crawled behind her, smacking her clit with his dick, “Thick as fuck. You want me all in that phat silky pussy?”

“Umph, Yes!” Y/N pops her pussy back on Erik’s dick, “Daddy give it to me-”

“Bounce that ass back on me,” Erik thrust forward inside of her, shallow grunts escaping his mouth. He really missed how tight and wet she is, “Fuck this fat dick-”

“Like this, Daddy?” Y/N sat up on her elbows to look back at him with her cum stained face, “Right fucking there, ahhhhhhh,” Y/N threw that ass back knowing Erik would catch it, “Right here...right here...get it good, fuck, Daddy.”

“Nah, you better fuck this dick. Move that phat butt,” Erik was still on his knees watching Y/N fuck him. She spread her legs, bringing one knee to her chest, grabbing the sheets, and went to town on his fat pipe. She used all the power she has to fuck him herself. sweating and sucking air through her teeth, Y/N could feel herself squirting. Erik’s dick slips out, Y/N’s hips still moving as her pussy steadily poured until it did nothing but drip. 

“All this thickness is killing me,” Erik slaps her ass while sliding his dick back inside, “Mmm, mmm, yummy.”

Y/N could feel every stroke because she was super wet. Erik showed her no mercy on her pussy. All he wanted to do to Y/N was beat it up. He arched her again, Y/N letting out unsteady breaths.

“You feel where I’m at?” He was deep in her belly.

“In my fucking stomach, ugh,” Y/N could feel her pussy creaming all over his dick, “This is what I want. I want to be a wet mess for Daddy.”

“You knew Daddy needed this sexy pussy to fuck and fill with all this dick and cum over and over. That ass... damnnnnn,” Erik swats her ass while hammering her pussy, “Good bitch, give Daddy that pussy! Good girl, get that dick!”

short little spurts of air escaped Y/N’s lungs as she cums on Erik's dick. She couldn’t breathe. Panting and gasping, Y/N could feel Erik reach around to grab her neck with his nose in her hair. Y/N held onto his arm around her neck while Erik battered her sugar walls. Her mouth fell open, Erik’s fingers sliding inside. Y/N wasn’t in her body anymore, not even when Erik slowed it down to purposefully give her sharp and quick thrusts before stopping. Each surprise thrust made Y/N suck in a panting breath. Erik’s fat dick got even fatter, her pussy lips spreading to accommodate his rapid growth. She felt his lips sucking on her jaw, her pussy like a waterfall. 

“F-Fuckkkkkkk, oh my God, fuckkkkk, ugh, yeah, mhm,” Erik still stroked while he nuts inside of her, Take it...take it...” He whispered, “Fucking take it like I said.”

Y/N licked between Erik’s fingers, her eyes rolled back. 

“Good girl, give Daddy that pussy, bitch...let Daddy get in that pussy, slut...enjoy that dick.” Erik’s dick was squashed between her walls while he spoke in a subdued voice in her ear. Y/N melted around him, “You love letting Daddy fuck your pussy...you love having a dick in you...you be feeling so good, right?”

“Umph,” Y/N squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks. That squirt made her pussy extra sensitive. Erik would not stop fucking her pussy. Her hand went back to push at his hips, Erik responding by pushing his hips in further. 

“Fuck, Daddy, you got me so weak.”

“Just cum one more time for me. You already made a big ass mess might as well give me more,” Erik spoke quietly in Y/N’s ear. 

“Fuckkkk,” Y/N’s head fell forward, “Yessssss.” She gave him one final messy release before falling flat on her belly. Erik’s dick slips out, his eyes watching all his nut fall out to add to the big puddle Y/N already made.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy @pananegra @theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91​ @fish-outta-watah​ @eyeknowmywrites​ @crowngold​ @njadakillthiscookie​ @blktinkerbell​ @luvanxi​ @sheisexcellent1​ @chocolatedippedinhoney​ @brandithecrystalgem​ @dababydababydababydababy​ @soulfulbeauty19​ @btitannaaa​ @sunkissedebony97​ @youngblackndgifted​ @harleycativy​ @rbhp​ @theesotericqueen​ @thee-germanpeach​ @thadelightfulone​ @palmstreesallday​ @skylahb​ @bakaris-shorty​ @nizzle-mo​ @truglori​ @queenflaws​ @ljstraightnochaser​ @theegoldenchild​ @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade​ @nickidub718​ @vikkidc​ @thehomierobbstark​ @rent-emspoons​ @abluesforlyssa​ @fd-writes​ @chasingsunlight​ @sickaddiktions​ @munteanhore​ @xo-goldengirl​ @tiava143​ @33kiara​ @honeytoffee​ @asiasblackworld727​ @momobaby227​ @informalmelancholy​ @soulshinechronicles​ @hearteyes-for-killmonger​ @goddessofthundathighs​

[honestgrins]

Cutthroat || Klaroline

She’s determined to win, but she’s not above teaming up with a rival to knock out a worse one. (Cutthroat Kitchen AU)

.

“Chef Matt,” Alaric intoned solemnly, “you are dismissed. Please relinquish your remaining funds.”

As the burly blond handed over the cash he never even had a chance to spend, Caroline bristled with the thrill of competition. Unfortunately for her, Damon and Klaus seemed just as energized, and she highly resented the elbow poked into her side. “Quarterback down,” Damon sneered next to her. “Is the cheerleader next? Maybe I’ll sabotage you with pom poms next, though I’ll be honest, the skirt would be better.”

She scowled as he leered down the line of her leg, tired of his needling and the gross stares. But she knew what she’d signed up for when first auditioning for Cutthroat Kitchen, and trash talk was the least of her worries. Working with tiny pans and utensils hadn’t been easy, but she’d managed a decent frittata in the first round, and she definitely enjoyed watching Klaus grimace at the substitute ingredients he’d been forced to use. 

Damon, though, he deserved more than a little hardship for this next round. Glancing over to Klaus, she found him watching her curiously. She arched an eyebrow and nodded to the sleazy chef between them. He smirked, which shouldn’t have left her blushing like it did. It’s just a truce, she reminded herself. Come the final round, he’s toast.

At least, she hoped. Klaus Mikaelson was something of a legend around Chicago, where she’d only just gotten her foot in the door of the industry. While she had full faith in her own abilities, the barbs about her lack of experience and youth weren’t exactly unfounded. All she could do was make up for it with enthusiasm and creativity, which the show usually rewarded. But she’d also survived high school and her sorority house, so psychological warfare was second nature to her. 

With the dark gleam of satisfaction on Klaus’s face as he nodded, she wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have conspired with Damon to kick him out first.

Steeling herself, Caroline turned to watch Alaric set up for the next challenge. “Alright, chefs,” he greeted with an evil smile. “For this round, you will be expected to make...spaghetti and meatballs! You have sixty seconds to shop for this basic dish. Go.” 

She rushed forward to beat Damon to the produce, eagerly filling her basket with the best tomatoes, onions, and herbs. Luckily, she was paying attention to Klaus, who’d taken to clearing the pasta shelf into his basket. With a quick pinch of the last box of angel hair, she couldn’t help a grin to match his own when she ducked under his arm to grab the crustiest bread she could find.

“Thirty seconds!”

Oil, garlic, ground beef, a few too many spices - she frantically ran through the list in her head, sure that she was missing something important. 

“And time. Chefs, please return to your stations.” Caroline bit her lip, painfully aware of the eggs she completely forgot. Refusing to let on about her mild panic, she fought to hold a blank expression as the others tried to size up her basket. It was pretty basic for most recipes, and they didn’t seem to pick up her hopefully not fatal error. “For the first sabotage, I have for you all a handy little device to hinder your opponents.” He held it up, the cuffs and plexiglas shining under the stage lights. “This is the Salad Bar to accompany your Italian classic,” he teased.

Alaric could call it what he wanted, but that was definitely a spreader bar she’d seen featured in an...adult catalog. Before she could school her reaction, however, she let out an indelicate snort. Only Klaus seemed to notice, his smirk somehow deepening with a far dirtier glint. Oh, she sighed internally, a twinge low in her belly warming her with something other than embarrassment. Interesting.

“Two thousand,” Klaus called out, not taking his eyes from her.

“Three-five,” she countered. Maybe her voice didn’t sound as breathy as it felt.

“Ten thousand.” Damon gave her the slimiest look, and it took everything in her not to throw away the rest of her cash to make sure he didn’t get to put her in some BDSM fantasy of his.

Klaus, who had yet to spend any money, glared him down. “Eleven,” he said smoothly. With plenty of money to outbid Damon’s draining budget, he all but dared him to bankrupt himself. 

“Eleven going once, twice,” Alaric watched them all with interest, then smiled. “Sold. Chef Klaus, collect your winnings and crown whomever you’d like.” He collected the money and passed over the bar with a gleeful wink. “Choose wisely.”

Pretending to consider it, Klaus all but tossed the thing at Damon. “You don’t strike me as the type to be comfortable with restraint,” he goaded. 

Gamely strapping himself in, Damon blew him a kiss. “Easy as pie, big bad,  even if it’s too bad Barbie Chef didn’t get a chance to impress us with her...coordination.”

She grit her teeth, waiting to pummel him with the next sabotage. When Alaric brought it forward, though, she nearly jumped for joy.

“Who is going to be the Egghead?” he asked, holding a little headband strapped to an egg cup. “Whoever wears this will have to balance an egg throughout the challenge. If the egg breaks, I’m happy to replace it...for five hundred dollars a plop.”

Provided she got to keep her basket, she could more than afford breaking a couple of eggs - right into her meatball recipe. But first, she had to get one of the boys to ‘gift’ it to her. “Five thousand!”

“Six,” Klaus immediately raised, meeting her eyes with a curious glance. He could really mess with her plan if he wanted to, and she felt a wave of relief when Damon shouted out another ten thousand dollar bid. Klaus luckily backed off, and she could finally breathe. 

Once Damon was announced the winner, she held back a wicked smile until he placed the gadget on her head. Unsettled, he backed away quickly, suspicious to the extreme. Alaric helpfully balanced an egg in the little cup, reminding her of the $500 penalty for each egg broken - but he never said she couldn’t use said broken eggs. Fully justified in her strategy, as soon as the timer started, she made a little bed of ground beef in her mixing bowl and let the first egg fall.  “Whoops!”

Alaric shook his head, clearly amused by her obvious scheming. “Come get your replacement, chef.”

She rushed over to him with her fine and hurried back to start breaking down her bread into crumbs, needing to toss them into the oven to dry out a bit. Chopping onions and tomatoes quickly, she fills the saucepan before Alaric could bring out another sabotage. The more quickly she can get her elements cooking, the more likely she’d get to keep them - she prayed, anyway.

“How’s that egg scramble coming, Blondie?” Damon taunted, though his voice was strained with the effort of mixing meatballs with only one hand bound awkwardly to the other. “It’d be a shame for you to drop another.”

“Actually, it’s been a big help. Hard to bind a meatball without an egg, and would you believe I forgot to grab them from the pantry?” She winked at his dumbfounded expression, primly brushing back her ponytail. “I was a pageant queen, chef. If I can balance a book on my head for an hour in heels, I can handle an egg just fine.”

Klaus laughed at that, though his big hands never stopped their flurry of activity over his station. “A tiara suits you, love, you should have brought it along.”

“The only crown won here is whatever cash you still have at the end of the day,” Alaric pointed out. “That said, who wants to replace their opponents’ stovetop for a camping stove?”

“Eight thousand!” Klaus called, knowing full well he was the only one who could afford such a bid in the second round. 

Caroline immediately moved her half formed meatballs to the sauce; her only hope would be to oven bake them both while using the tiny stove to boil water for her pasta. Though she did lose another egg to her hurried actions, it was more than worth the penalty to see Damon struggle moving his pot of water down from the counter. “Careful!” she called. “You don’t want to spill and have to start over!”

“Shut up, Barbie!”

“And I always thought the trash talk on this show was so witty,” Klaus pouted, whipping some cream into his sauce. “Don’t hold back, Damon, really let yourself loose.”

Muttering from the floor, Damon did let loose a few curse words Caroline hoped the cameras wouldn’t pick up. But she still laughed, happy to see her sauce bubbling softly in the oven. 

Klaus feigned a scandalized horror. “Such language.”

“If you’re looking for the Great British Bake-Off, you’re on the wrong side of the pond, friend,” she teased.

“Oh,” he chuckled. “The baby chef is trying to teach me something, okay.”

“Baby?!”

He shrugged, unconcerned by her offended outburst. “Come chop a few hundred onions a day in my kitchen, sweetheart, then maybe you’ll earn a gold star or two for your mum’s refrigerator.”

Eyes narrowed, she only just held back from pointing her knife in a vaguely threatening direction. “Can’t, it’s too full of awards and news clippings. Like the latest rave review from the Sun-Times. Did you know they named my restaurant as the best dining experience in the city for their editor’s list?”

“I did.” Caroline watched him in shock as he appeared entirely unbothered. “But I believe mine earned the Michelin star this year.” She licked her lips at the smug dimples peeking out from his cheeks; it really was unfair how sexy confidence could be. 

“Two minutes!” 

All the contestants rushed to plate their dishes, and even Caroline felt a little bad for Damon trying to neaten up the mess of his with one hand throwing off his balance. But then she remembered the egg sitting at the top of her forehead, and focused instead on carefully grating some cheese over her mostly passable pasta. Klaus’s, of course, looked like fine cuisine, right down to the twist of his noodles into a birds nest holding three perfectly proportioned meatballs.

To no one’s surprise, the guest judge sent Damon home with more than a few critiques for his ‘lack of polish.’ Alaric called for a fifteen minute break, and Caroline gratefully ran to the craft services table for a bottle of water and some fruit. Klaus followed at a more sedate pace, though he did steal a grape from her plate. “Thanks for teaming up back there,” she said. “I’d hate to be stuck with Damon for more terrible nicknames.”

“I’m sure you would have survived despite our machinations, love. I am impressed with your little egg game, though.”

She blushed. “Well, I’m the one who forgot the stupid eggs in the first place. Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t let me through the doors of your Michelin restaurant with that kind of preparation.”

His smile softened, and she really liked how it looked on his face. “You might be surprised. In fact,” he added nonchalantly, “I’m hoping you might stop in when we’re back in Chicago. I’ve only read about the lobster bisque you made for that glowing review, and I’d be honored to offer you the chance to make it in a real kitchen.”

“And give up my recipe to the competition? No way,” she scoffed, chest warm with pride and more than a little flattered.

Smirking at her resistance, he stole another grape. “Shall we make a wager of it, sweetheart? If I win this dessert round, you make that bisque for me.”

Her eyelashes fluttered. “What do I get when I win?”

Klaus just grinned, wide and knowing. “Whatever you want.“ Oh, that shouldn’t have sent a wonderful shiver down her spine. “May the best chef win,” he challenged.

Caroline shook his proffered hand with her game face on. “Don’t worry, she will.” After all, the stakes had just gotten a lot more interesting.

[squirrelly831]

Making Breakfast in His Shirt [Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook]

Sorry it is late. This one was a bit longer and took a little bit more thinking out than the others. I’ll check for errors later....

The oc’s are the wives prior to getting engaged (Minus Taehyung’s. They are engaged). You can read this as part of the daddy!au series or a stand alone~~

Enjoy~~

Jimin

Daeun returned from her work out with Chaeyeon to a house of silence. Still out of breath and aching from the extra push Chaeyeon decided to give her during their practice, Daeun dragged herself to her bedroom. The sunshine lit up her room and made it impossible for her to see the lump in her bed. She let out a giggle as she watched the lump turn before a sigh was heard. “Jiminnie?” There was a long silence before Daeun shrugged and continued her path to the bathroom to take a shower grabbing one of Jimin’s shirts from her dresser in the process.

After her shower, she got dressed pulling the shirt down to cover her mid thigh before heading to the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. She decided to make something light for breakfast knowing she had a competition only weeks away and Jimin was about to start preparing for a comeback. She grabbed various fruits for a fruit salad along with a knife, large bowl, and a cutting board then set to work on slicing each fruit.

All the while, Jimin was slowly waking up, but had refused to get out of bed. He reached over to feel for Daeun only to feel nothing. He grabbed at the sheets pulling them closer into himself as he shut his eyes in another attempt to fall asleep.

“You up, sleepy head?” Jimin groggily turned and looked up to see Daeun leaning against the doorway. Her hands were crossed as a smile graced her lips, “I finished breakfast. Fruit salad and some boiled eggs.” Jimin sat up on his arms not saying anything as he looked over Daeun’s attire. 

Daeun’s smile fell, “Something wrong?” Her hands dropped to her sides as she made her way to his side. She reached out to touch his forehead when Jimin grabbed her wrist and pulled her with a hard yank. “Whoa!” She fell over Jimin, but was flipped under him. Her back pressed against the mattress as she stared up startled by Jimin’s sudden movement, “What the hell, Jimin? You scared the shit out of me!” She hissed.

Jimin smirked down at her as he straddled her. One of his hands found itself under his shirt she wore and caressed the side of her hip. “It’s your own fault.” He purred as he leaned down to her face. He swallowed her words with a heated kiss, his teeth tugged gently at her bottom lip for entry. 

Daeun let out a low moan as she pressed her palms against his chest pushing him away, “We need to eat breakfast.” 

Jimin gave a low chuckle as he grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her, his eyes darkening as they roamed her body. His head lowered down to her neck, “I don’t mind having you for breakfast.” His hand that rested on her hip gave her a squeeze. 

“Jiminni--” She gasped as he gave her a love bite on her neck. His lower hand made its way up the shirt she wore. A blush crept over her cheeks, “It’s too early for this.” 

Jimin hummed as he sucked on her neck leaving a hickey, “We can eat later. Just let me spoil you a bit, yea?” He pulled away from her to look down at her face and when she didn’t protest again, Jimin pressed his lips to hers.

Taehyung

Naomi thought it was a terrible idea to go to Jeju without the twins. She didn’t understand why Taehyung would have suddenly wanted to leave for a vacation and not bring their nine month old twins. At first, she down right refused the idea saying how irresponsible it was and how they couldn’t just not act like they didn’t have kids. 

However, Taehyung had a reason for suggesting it. He felt the tension between Naomi and him. She rarely showed him any affection, no ‘I love you’ or even hugs or a kiss. He understood that their situation had changed drastically. They weren’t married, nor did Naomi want to get married, and their engagement seemed to just be for show. They argued more and though it was childish on his part, Taehyung did not shy away from running to the dorms to escape Naomi. 

It was Yoongi’s idea that Taehyung and Naomi took a trip without the kids. That maybe they could rekindle what they seemed to have lost. It was something Yoongi had gone through with Katelyn when she wanted to leave him. Yoongi warned him that if she was as stubborn as Katelyn, Taehyung had to really persuade Naomi and not get upset. 

Taehyung tried, but when Naomi shut down the idea he was hurt and he voiced his frustrations which lead to an argument. At least until, Taehyung, teary eyed and all, mentioned how he felt like he was losing Naomi and they wouldn’t make it. The explanation was enough for Naomi to agree and they made plans to go to Jeju as the twins stayed with Taehyung’s family.

It was the third day in Jeju, Naomi woke up entangled in the sheets and Taehyung. Part of her didn’t want to get out of bed. Being wrapped up in Taehyung’s arms brought her unbelievable comfort and protection. She turned in his arms, her face inches away from his. Her eyes glanced at his closed ones. She admired his eyelashes as her hand brushed against his cheek. The side of his lip twitched as she brushed against it and she couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. There was still a lot they had to overcome and she recalled their conversation last night. 

The first two days, they talked. They did nothing but talk and cry. Their voices raised, but it was the first time neither of them just walked out of the conversation when something wasn’t going their way. It was the first time Taehyung expressed how he felt like she had become a stranger to him. Of course, she noticed how they changed. Yesterday was the first time she voiced how much she resented Taehyung . He was gone when the twins were born because of his tour. Yes, he left the tour as soon as she had the boys, but it was frightening going through it without him. Her mom helped her through it, but the one she needed was him. Then, a month after the twins birth, Taehyung left to finish the tour leaving her alone. Yes, her mom was there. Yes, his family was there. But where was he? Preforming and touring the world--having fun while she had to learn how to breast feed and the harsh reality that twins--that babies in general--have many needs in a 24 hour span. There were days Naomi locked herself in the bathroom crying because the twins wouldn’t stop crying for hours on end and she was severely sleep deprived. Her mom had to pry the door open to get to her daughter. And it was all stuff Taehyung never knew happened. 

Taehyung apologized profusely, but he knew apologies wouldn’t have been enough. He told Naomi that he would stay home during the next tour. That he would let the fans know that he wanted time with his family and he would go on the next tour. It would be a lot of convincing on his part to get his boss to agree, but he knew he could do it. 

Naomi finally worked up the energy to close the gap between them and gave Taehyung a quick kiss on the lips. “I love you...” She whispered knowing he wouldn’t hear her. She escaped the sheets and Taehyung’s grasp and made her way to the bathroom to clean up with one of Taehyung’s shirts in hand. Naomi made her way to the kitchen where she made a pot of coffee and began pulling ingredients out of the pantry and fridge. She was on auto-pilot. She was so used to making breakfast. A hand reached out from behind her stopping her from pulling out something else from the fridge. She jumped at Taehyung’s sudden appearance and she looked back to see him. He said nothing as he put the items back in the fridge and shut the door. “Morning? Are you not hungry?” She finally spoke up as Taehyung moved away from her.

“I’m starving, but I don’t want you to cook” he replied. His words sounded cold and it made Naomi glance down. Taehyung put away the pantry items as he looked back at Naomi, “I called for room service to bring us something to eat.” Naomi looked back at him with surprise earning a smile from him. He approached her again, one of his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her to him as the other touched her cheek. His smile fell as he gave her a serious expression, “I’m never going to put you through anything like that again. I--” his voice cracked as a flash of pain crossed his face. “I never want you to resent me or to feel like you’re alone. I love you, Naomi.” His hand on her cheek reached down to her hand that had her engagement ring. He pulled the hand to his lips and kissed the ring, “I don’t want to get married just because we have the twins. I only want you, Naomi Malka Zhang. You’re the only woman in the world who can make me happy. I will do anything to fix us.”

“Even if I say we should go to counseling?”

Taehyung let out a breath, “Hell, I’ll call and make the appointment myself.”

Naomi let out a breathless laugh as she pulled her hand from his and wrapped them around his neck. “I don’t think we really need it. But, we need to talk... Our communication skills suck.” 

Taehyung squeezed her in his arms as he buried his head in her neck, “We’ll work on it. I promise.” His lips pressed against the nape of her neck and she let out a sound of surprise. “Can I make it up to you now?” His voice was deep and alluring.

“But the food--” 

“I told them if we didn’t answer to leave it at the entrance” he pulled his head from her neck and looked into her eyes. The desire swimming in his eyes as he looked at her, “Plus, you’re in my shirt... You really think that wouldn’t turn me on?” A smirk graced his lips as he eyes her. 

Naomi clicked her teeth, her arms still wrapped around his neck. Her hand touched the back of his hair and he shivered. Her eyes mirrored his as she leaned into him and kissed his lips. It was slow and hesitant, but Taehyung deepened it. Naomi bite his bottom lip drawing a moan from him. 

Taehyung lifted her with ease as he walked back to the bedroom and placed her on the bed. Their lips broke apart for only a second, “I love you.” He whispered before he kissed her again not waiting for her to reply. 

Jungkook

Jungkook refused to wait another day to see his girlfriend, Mia. When he got permission to stay with her during part of his break, he took off. He didn’t want his band members or managers to change their mind. He didn’t even call Mia to tell her he was heading her way. Jungkook had a key to her home and knew the security code to her complex like the back of his hand. 

He stumbled over his own feet due to his excitement as he ran down the hall to Mia’s apartment. Jungkook fished her house key from his pocket and unlocked the door. He threw open the door, “Hey Mia!” He hollered. Jungkook was greeted with silence. “Mia?” He tossed his duffel bag on the ground, kicked off his shoes, and headed into the apartment. Jungkook made his way to her bedroom, walking past the room Mia dubbed her study room. He paused passed the door to the study room and took a step back in the door way to see it was cracked open. Jungkook pushed the door with the tips of his fingers and he saw Mia fast asleep on her bean bag. Her laptop on the rolling desk in front of her and her textbook open to the reading she had been working on. “Babe” he sighed, “I told you not to sleep while studying.” He approached her and pushed away the desk. He squatted beside her and poked her cheek, “Hey! Mia, wake up.”

Mia groaned as she turned her head from him. Jungkook poked her cheek harder and Mia let out an angry groan. “Leav...me...” 

“Nope, get up. You shouldn’t be sleeping here especially when you have a bed.” He got up, stood above her, and grabbed her arms as he pulled her up. 

Mia puffed out her cheeks as she finally pried her eyes open, “I’m up now...” She whispered with anger in her eyes. Jungkook noticed the bags under her eyes instantly. His thumb reached up and ran across one of the bags as he frowned. Mia swatted his hand, “I’m fine. I just stayed up a little longer than usually to finish my final.” 

Jungkook examined the open textbook and nodded, “Was that the last one?”

She stretched up and let out a sound, “Yea... Until the fall semester starts up at least.”

“Then--let’s go on vacation.”

Mia walked over to her desk and picked up her glasses she placed there the night before. “Where to? I’m off for another three weeks.”

Jungkook grinned as he wrapped his arms around her, “What about Japan? Maybe this time Kyoto then maybe Osaka? You mentioned the Iwatayama Monkey Park last time we were in Japan.” 

Mia’s eyes lit up, “YES!!! That would be so much fun!” She jumped in his arms in excitement. 

“Okay, well get packing, I’ll look for a flight to leave tomorrow” Jungkook let her go as he pulled out his phone. However, Mia caught his face in her hands and, with the help of his body, she gave him a kiss. She intended to make it a short quick kiss, but Jungkook leaned down and his hand held the back of her head to deepen their kiss.

It was their second day in Kyoto. Mia woke up first slightly aching from their previous day of exploring. She saw Jungkook fast asleep like the dead and knew he was nowhere close to waking up. She crawled out of bed, got her glasses and slippers, then changed into one of Jungkook’s shirts. After she brushed her teeth, she grabbed her book and headed to the living room of the suite they were staying in. Mia threw herself down on the couch as she cracked open her book, the shirt fell up to her hips as her leg bent up as a book holder. 

Jungkook sleepily reached over to touch Mia only to be greeted by the flat sheets. He whined as he rolled on his back. His hand reached up and raked through his hair, “What’s the likelihood she’s reading?” He shook his head knowing the answer all too well. He sat up and looked at the clock and groaned, “It’s still to early.” He threw off the covers and made his way to the bathroom. 

Mia was deep in her book, she didn’t hear Jungkook enter the living room. She reached out for her coffee cup and when she didn’t feel it, she looked away from her book to see Jungkook holding it hostage. “Morning, Kookie” she laughed as she held out her hand, “Can I have my coffee back?”

Jungkook held it out to her as she put her bookmark in the book and shut it. She took the cup with delight and took a sip. “How long have you been up?” 

Mia looked at the digital clock on the end table beside her as she sat up on the couch, “Umm, two hours now.” Jungkook shook his head as he sat beside her on the couch. “You hungry?” 

“Yea...” he yawned and glanced over her again, “Is that one of mine?” He pointed at the shirt she wore. She looked down at the shirt then nodded. “Hmm.. It looks good on you.” He leaned over to her a gave her a quick kiss. “Want me to make something?”

“No, I had an idea of what to make, but I was waiting for you to wake up” she stood up and stretched catching Jungkook’s attention as the shirt rose up her thighs. She headed into the kitchen with Jungkook on her feet. “I don’t need help making breakfast. It’ll be quick.” She turned to him and looked up at him with a smile. 

Jungkook leaned down and kissed her again, “I wasn’t going to offer, you turn me down every time. But--” he held up the book she was reading, “Maybe I can read the rest of the chapter for you as you cooked?”

Mia smiled at the thought, “Sure. I like your reading voice, but wait until I get everything out, okay?” She gently pushed Jungkook back towards the dining room table. He chuckled as he grabbed a chair and turned it for him to sit in as he watched her. Mia went back to the kitchen and began to pull out what she needed as Jungkook simply watched how she went to one spot or another to grab the things she needed. His eyes never left her until she called out to him giving him the okay to read.

Part I | Part II

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

♕ REQUEST

☮ BTS MASTERLIST

∞ ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

[cozykhaos]

A New Sun Part 8

  Waking up the next morning with a pile of puppies cuddled up around me was the best feeling in the world. All of them perked up when I got out of bed and when the food bowl hit the floor, all of them did too. I would go into town today and post a bulletin about the other pups. After changing and breakfast we all went outside. I checked the soil of my crops, the ground still wet from yesterdays rain, I skipped out on watering. I would check it again in the afternoon. I used my scythe to clear the weeds to the forest, for a more defined path. I started a pile of stones and branches near the house. I would need both for any upgrades I would want to make.

I was the afternoon when I heard the engine from the truck. I started back to the house, the pups standing on the porch, all at attention. Robin and Sebastian got out of the pickup. “Puppies!” Robin’s face lit up. The pups came running down the steps and bounced around her feet. Robin crouched down and let them lick her face. Sebastian stepped around the truck, looking grumpy, hair disheveled.   

“Sorry we are coming over so late, I didn’t want to wake up Sebby. He was up late last night working,” Robin said standing.

“It’s no problem. I actually forgot you were coming by today,” I let out a little laugh and scratched the back of my head. Noticing Sebastian, the puppies bounced over to him, Asher’s gray twin reached up to Sebastian, who picked her up. Robin looked between the puppy and Sebastian, who was now holding the dog like a baby and scratching her stomach. She smiled.

“Well, should we get this fence put up?” Robin clapped her hands together. Between the three of us it didn’t take long to get the fence assembled and put up. Robin had given me plenty of room to expand my crops as well. Once we were finished, we sat on the front porch, drinking lemonade and eating sandwiches that I had made.

“Sorry it isn’t much,” I refilled my glass. “It’s a small kitchen and it’s a pain in the ass to cook in.”

“House upgrade,” Robin sang.

“Mom,” Sebastian groaned.

“I’m just saying, the place is very small. And what are you going to do when you get married?” Robin asked. Sebastian started choking. “Sebby, what’s the matter?” Robin started patting his back.

“Nothing I’m fine!” He snapped and waved her hand away. Robin frowned and then looked at me.

“I’ve actually been thinking about it. But I also need a chicken coop and a barn. Thankfully most of this season’s crops are being sold. The only vegetables I really like that I’m growing are potatoes and green beans. And it’s just me so I don’t need a whole lot.” I shrugged. I had brought out a notebook and pen with me and I started my bulletin. I looked at the puppies when I was done. Ash was playing with two of his siblings, wrestling in the dust. The all black puppy slept by the door. The gray pup slept next to Sebastian, her head on his leg. I frowned, it had only been a day, but I was attached to the little guys. But they would at least still be in the Valley with me.

“I need to go put this on the bulletin board, I’ll be right back,” I stood, Ash got to his feet and watched me. “Are you coming?” I asked him.

“I am,” Robin stood and stretched. “I need to get a few things from Pierre’s. Do you need anything?” She looked at Sebastian.

“I’m good, but thanks,” Sebastian waved us off. Asher followed us into town. Feeding all 5 dogs I would need another bag of food from Pierre’s as well. I posted up my notice, letting everyone know to come see me if they were interested in a puppy and describing each of them and the genders. I made a note that if you adopted a puppy to cross it off that way others would know it was taken.

Robin stared at the page and took up the pen that was attached to the board and crossed off the gray puppy. She beamed at me and pushed into Pierre’s. I showed her the dog food that I was feeding them and grabbed another bag for myself. After purchasing toys, collar, treats and a leash we went to check out.

“More stuff?” Pierre asked.

“More puppies,” I corrected.

“Oh my!” Pierre’s eyebrows shot up into his hair line. Robin put her elbows on the counter and leaned in. “I’m getting one for Sebastian,” she smiled.

“Oh,” Pierre’s face fell and then quickly caught himself. “Oh! I’m sure he will love that!” He cleared his throat.

“I think so,” I nodded. “One of them has been really attached to him.”

“I think it’ll be good for him,” Robin agreed. We payed for our stuff and left. I helped Robin carry her stuff back to the farm. Sebastian was still sitting on the porch, now the puppy was in one of his arms, chin on his shoulder, while he scrolled through his phone. He looked up when the other dogs came running. His brows scrunched together when he noticed his mom.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“Stuff for pup dog,” Robin replied with a shrug.

“Wh…what?” Sebastian stood still holding the dog. “Really?”

“Yeah!” She tossed the dog food into the back of the truck.

“What about Demetrius?” Sebastian’s tone went sour.

“What about him?” Robin didn’t look at him. “She’s your dog, not his.”

Sebastian stared at his mom in shock, mouth slightly open. Puppy licked his chin and he closed it.

“She will be your responsibility, feeding, playing, walking, cleaning up after her,” Robin ticked off the list on her fingers.

“Yeah, of course!” Sebastian nodded.

“Alright, well let’s get her home!”

Sebastian smiled at me over his shoulder before getting into the truck.

                                  The rest of the week went by in a blur. Lewis, Eveyln and Haylee came by on Monday and gave me packets of tulips and blue jazz that they wanted me to plant for the flower festival. I still had time to plant them, so I kept them to the side for now. Lewis ended up leaving with the all black puppy that day, declaring her Pepper.

Tuesday, Sam and his little brother Vincent came by, their mother had agreed on letting them get a dog. They took the black dog with the one white spot over his eye. Later, I find out that Sam named Gnarles Barkley. Barkley for short.

Late Thursday Morning Shane came over, I was just finishing up with the days harvest, when he stood awkwardly at the edge of the property.

“Morning!” I waved to him. He gave a short wave back. There were dark circles under his blue eyes. “Can I help you with something?”

“I was wondering about the last dog you have,” he said. I looked over my shoulder where the black and gray bearded pup lay on his back, sun bathing in the dirt. “Jas, that’s my niece, she was furious with Marnie when she found out she gave a puppy away,” he scratched the back of his neck. “She’s usually a quite little thing. But she was spitting fire.”

“I can imagine,” I nodded.

“And now Vincent has one..” his voice trailed off as he moved next to me. The pup rolled over and popped up on to his feet. Ash bounded over to us, I picked him up. He had already grown in the last week. Shane, pushed his finger to the dog’s upper lip exposing the baby teeth. The pup stuck out his tongue, licking Shane’s finger, a small smile broke through.

“I’m going to call him Gandalf, because of the gray beard. Do you think Jas will be able to say that?” He looked at me. His eyes were kind.

“How old is she?”

“Six.”

“She should be,” I nodded.

“Yeah,” Shane played with Gandalf’s soft floppy ears before clearing his throat. “I should get going. Marnie was getting supplies from Pierre’s she should be done by now.”

“If you need anything let me know. He should be potty trained by now.”

“Yeah, okay thanks,” with a small wave Shane disappeared back into town.

I looked down at Ash who was watching Shane retreat. He whimpered. “It’s okay bud, we can have everyone over for a play date,” I said to him. His tail wagged.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the Egg Festival, but my heart leapt for joy at the sight of the many buffet tables. My eating habits had not been the best since moving to Pelican Town and the soft layer around my tummy was slowly disappearing. I generally only ate once a day now, eating breakfast after tending the farm. The rest of my day was spent running errands, fishing or scavenging for wild crops.  By the time I got home I would be exhausted and collapse into bed with Asher.

I bee lined it to the first table, there were platters of egg dishes. Deviled eggs, scrambled, fried, hard boiled, poached, egg benedict, egg salad. Little breaded cups that looked to be filled with egg, spinach and ham. Plates of steaming sliced ham that smelled of cinnamon and honey were my first stop. I filled my plate before finding a bench. I would have to remember to ask Gus for a piece of leftover ham for Ash, who I left at home. I looked around, everyone was mingling. Eating with their friends and family. Haylee was taking pictures of everyone and everything. I smiled, I hadn’t interacted with her much, since I had returned, but I admired her passion for photography.

“Kit!” Robin called me from a few tables over and waved. She was sitting with her family, as well as Sam, his mom and little brother. “Come over here!”

I swallowed my mouthful of food before moving over to their table, taking the end seat across from Sam.

“What were you doing over there by yourself?” Robin asked.

“I didn’t want to be a bother,” I shrugged and then shoveled in a mouthful of potato salad. It was sweet and had a hint of vinegar in it.

“Oh please,” Jodi said with a smile.

“You’ll always be a bother,” Sam said with a smirk.

“Sam!” Jodi snapped, reached over her youngest son and slapped Sam on the back of the head.

“Ow!” Sam rubbed his head.

“Don’t be rude!” Jodi said through gritted teeth. I smiled and shook my head. “I would like to say I am used to it, but I don’t think that would help.”

“It wouldn’t!” Sam shook his head.

“So, Kit, how is the farm doing?” Demetrius asked.

“Honey, we aren’t here to talk about work,” Robin said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Across from her Sebastian had his chin resting on his fist, leg tapping furiously. Next to him was Maru who was looking at me expectantly, I hadn’t spoken to her much either.

I cleared my throat. “Oh, it’s fine, I don’t have much to talk about any ways. My world revolves around farming and Ash.”

Sebastian looked over at me. “You didn’t bring him either?”

I noticed for the first time no one had brought their dog besides Marnie, Gandalf was chasing Jas around the yard behind Sam’s house.

“Asher gets really excited about food. Like he can’t contain himself, so I thought it best to have him stay home. Or else he would probably be slip and sliding through the egg salad right now,” I sighed. Sebastian snorted.

“I know it’s late and the seeds are hard to find, but do you think you will be getting in Strawberry seeds?” Maru asked.

“Strawberries are our favorite,” Demetrius beamed.

“Yeah, if I can find the seeds!” I nodded. “The farm is actually doing well. You can walk around now, and I finally got around to cleaning the inside. It’s hard work but I enjoy it.”

“Hmm,” Demetrius glanced at Sebastian and drummed his fingers on the table. “Some people will never know what that is like.”

“Oooookay,” Sebastian said standing. “I’m going to go check on Asha.”

My mouth dropped open, shocked at the name he had picked. I didn’t have time to speak, Sebastian was already leaving.

Robin frowned at his retreating form, she quickly hid it with a smile. “Well, I’m glad you are enjoying it.”

“I know I could never do that work,” Jodi said, she was now running her fingers through Vincent’s unruly ginger hair.

“I wasn’t so sure at first. I’m positive if it wasn’t for visiting grandpa during the summer, I would have ended up going back to the city,” I said.

“I don’t think I would mind it too much,” Sam shrugged. “I could see myself taking care of some chickens. Planting crops.”

“I know I couldn’t do it,” Maru shook her head. “I will stick to my lab thank you.”

“Lab?” I looked at her.

“Yes, I’m a scientist and inventor!” Maru smiled. “I also work with Harvey at the clinic.”

“Wow, that’s pretty cool. Weird question, but I’m going to ask. I found some blue prints for sprinklers. I know that is probably nothing to you. But will yo-“

“Yes, I would love to help!” Maru grabbed my hands. I noticed behind her Demetrius’s eyes narrowed, while Robin’s face broke open into a smile. “That sounds like fun. I haven’t made sprinklers before, but I’m sure it’ll be cake!”

“Thanks, that would be a huge help!” I squeezed her hands.

“Mom, is there cake?” Vincent finally spoke, he had been pushing around the food on his plate the entire time. He had only eaten a couple of grapes.

“It looks like it, but you will need to eat more lunch first,” Jodi kissed the top of his head.

“I don’t want to be slow for the hunt,” Vincent said.

“Yeah, this year we are going to beat Abbie, isn’t that right kiddo!” Sam playfully shoved his little brother who looked up at him and smiled.

“Yeah!” Vincent nodded vigorously.

“Hunt?” I looked at everyone’s faces.

“There is an egg hunt every year,” Robin said.

“And every year Abbie wins!” Vincent bagged his fist on the table and huffed. I looked around for my purple haired friend. She was at a table with her parents, head on her palm, looking at an empty plate of food.

“They really shouldn’t let her search. She is a grown woman now,” Jodi sighed.

“It’s open to all ages,” Robin shrugged.

“Or make age events,” I said.

“That’s a good idea,” Demetrius nodded.

“Maybe mention that to Lewis,” Robin said to Jodi.

“Trust me, I am!” Jodi said. I noticed Gus bringing out new plates and unveiling chocolate frosted cupcakes. I excused myself and made it over to the table. I was stuffing one in my mouth when Pam made her way over and started to empty a flask into the punch. She held up a finger to her lips. I looked away, a smile spreading. Gus gave me permission to take some ham home to Ash then handed me a plate that was stacked up in food and wrapped in tin foil. “Do you know Linus?” He asked.

“The guy who lives behind Robin’s house?” I questioned taking the plate.

“That’s him,” Gus nodded then stroked his mustache. “He rarely comes to any of these events. He is always welcome, but I know he feels out of place. Do you mind taking him this plate for me?”

“Not at all!” I exclaimed and headed towards the mountains.

                  Linus was sitting at his campfire, a basket of wild plants next to him. He sat up straighter when he saw me, his eyes narrowing into a squint.

“Hey, I’m Kit,” I said with a small wave. “I took over my grandpa’s farm.” I shoved a thumb over my shoulder, in the direction of the farm. Linus didn’t say anything. I cleared my throat. “Any ways, Gus asked me to bring you this.” I sat the plate down on the stump he had pulled up to the other side of the fire. He glanced at the plate before looking back at me. I frowned, looking at him, to the tent, then the plate. His gray eyes never left my face.

“I guess I’ll be going, enjoy your day!” My customer service voice tuned in and I wanted to kick myself. I started away when I heard a small. “Thank you.”

I smiled to myself and started back to the square. Sebastian was locking the front door when I was in front of the house. His eye brows furrowed together when he saw me. “Checking up on me?”

“No, I brought plate to Linus,” I said. Sebastian turned his head up towards the mountains. “I don’t know about that guy,” he said.

“He seems harmless,” I shrugged.

“So did Ted Bundy,” he pointed out.

“Do you think Linus has a trail of bodies leading to the valley?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Everyone has something to hide,” Sebastian smirked. I rolled my eyes.

Everyone was waiting for us when we strolled into town. Lewis had a big cup of punch in his hand, Pam glanced at me, her grin widening. I wiggled my eyebrows at her before helping myself to my own cup.

“Everyone knows the rules!” Lewis began, there wasn’t any hint of the alcohol taking effect yet. “You have 3 minutes to search for the hidden eggs. Whoever finds the most wins!”

Abbie was jumping up and down in place. She waved me over, I shook my head, pointing to my cup, I made a big deal out of taking a drink from it.

“Ready, set, go!” Lewis shouted and the hunters ran in different directions. Jodi started to cheer on Vincent while Shane and Marnie cheered on Jas. Gandalf chased after the girl. Sam had entered the hunt as well and I noticed him slipping eggs into Vincent’s basket. Abbie darted from one location to the next, I could tell that her basket was filing up quickly. Emily had also entered who skipped along as she went. Lewis blew a whistle, and everyone came in and placed down their baskets. Both Sam and Emily’s were mysteriously empty, while Jas and Vincent’s looked just a little fuller. Abigail still won, but I snuck extra cupcakes to the kids and they quickly cheered up.

The sun was starting to set when the square began to empty. Conveniently it was when clean up also started. Gus and Emily lingered, packing food into containers. Sam and Alex helped with stacking tables and chairs. I was on garbage duty when Mayor Lewis staggered past me a deep set frown on his face. I watched after him, he stumbled one step at a time towards the north. I looked over my shoulder at Gus, who had paused in his own task to watch after the Mayor.

“Should I go after him?” I asked.

“If you would,” Gus nodded. I set down my garbage bag and headed after Lewis. It didn’t take me long to find him, he stood in front of the old Community Center. The old building had seen better days. Ivy grew up the side of the walls, there was a hole in the ceiling and years of rain had caused a moldy film on the windows.

I stood next to the Mayor looking up at the old building. Something inside it stirred, I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it.

“Eye sore, ain’t it?” Lewis said, his voice was filled with sadness.

“It’s charming,” I said softly. “Like the farm.”

Lewis chuckled. “This is what is left of the Pelican Town Community Center. It used to be the pride and joy of the town… always bustling with activity. Now look at it. It’s shameful.”

I could hear the pain in the old man’s voice.

“These days, the young folk would rather sit in front of the TV than engage with the community.” He sighed heavily. “But listen to me, I sound like an old fool.”

“No.. no you don’t. You sound like a Mayor concerned for his town,” I spoke, touching his arm softly.

Lewis sniffed. “Joja Corporation has been hounding me to sell them the land so they can turn it into a warehouse. Pelican Town could use the money, but there’s something stopping me from selling it. I guess old timers like me get attached to relics of the past.. Ah well.”

He finally turned and looked at me. “If anyone else buys a Joja Corporation Membership I’m just gonna go ahead and sell it.” Lewis dragged his feet towards the door and unlocked it. I followed him inside, the old floorboards groaned under our feet. The ivy had found its way inside, we left a trail of footprints in the dust that coated every surface.

Lewis paused looking at a hut that was erected in the corner of the room.

“Hmm? What’s this?”

“Do you think Vincent and Jas were playing in here?” I asked.

“Must’ve,” he shrugged. “This place is even more dilapidated than I remember.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could say something a familiar chirp came from behind Lewis. The apple sized creature jumped up and down waving. I gasped and stumbled backwards.

“Kit!” Lewis steadied me. “What’s the matter are you ill?”

I moved to the side of Lewis and looked around, the creature was now gone. “I thought I saw something, there!” I pointed to the spot.

“Hmm… I wouldn’t be surprised if this place was full of rats.” Lewis said.

Again, the creature appeared behind Lewis, waving its little arms. My eyes widen and a scream came out before I could stop it. Lewis swung around, but the creature was gone. Hands clasped over my I stared at the spot. Lewis turned back to me. “You’re worrying me Kit!” He was frowning.

I looked around the room. Everything was quite now, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Counting to ten before releasing it and opening my eyes. “I’m sorry Lewis,” I smiled. “I must be more tired than I thought.”

Lewis gave me a tight smile. “I’m going to head home and get some sleep, I suggest you do the same. I’m going to keep this place unlocked from now on. Maybe you can help catch that rat if you have some extra time.” He gave my hand a small squeeze before walking outside.

I stood still and suddenly my senses open up, and the magic poured in. My spine prickled at the energy. I wondered down the hall a strange force leading me. Inside a small room I found a note on the floor, I shoved it into my bag not even bothering to read it, I knew I wouldn’t know the language that was written upon it. I left the room, finger tips trailing along the wooden paneled walls that lined the hallway. The old floorboards sang their ballad as I walked upon them, the dust flaring up around my shoes as I walked towards the door. The door shut behind me and I woke up, snapping out of the strange trance.

I stumbled away from the building gasping, I clutched at my chest as I retreated. I suddenly couldn’t get home fast enough and I ran towards the farm. I didn’t stop until I was inside, the door firmly shut behind me. Ash wiggled his way up to me, a big smile on his face.

“Hey buddy,” I gasped leaning down to pet him. I skipped my other nightly chores and only fed Asher. I  fell into bed. That night I dreamed of the small creatures. They chirped and danced through the Valley, life returning to the land.

[this-lioness]

Rubbish Blog Update

After an intensely busy week we made the most of the weekend, which is to say I got as much shit done as possible.

Saturday I had an eye appointment, then we did the weekly shopping and I came home to cook.  Ended up making some freezer meals (broth-steamed quinoa with peppers and onions boxed up with veggie dumplings and veggies, “chicken” patties with veggies and seasoned rice, baked cauliflower mac and cheese, 1 doz hard boiled eggs for lunches, another dozen made up into egg salad.  

I also used some of the leftover broccoli to make some veggie-and-egg white patties to go along with the veg sausage for breakfast.  While we were out today I picked up a bunch of fresh fruit, so now we’ve got a fruit salad we can dip into for lunch as well.

Even though we’ve been inconsistent with the gym, this has been a lifesaver for me, honestly.  I get to cook (which I’ve missed), and on the nights that we go straight to the gym we have a nice dinner ready to be served in a few minutes rather than resorting to frozen processed stuff or me having to grudgingly throw something together when I’m already tired and just wanting to relax.

I set up a “Google Routine” for us that also turns on some nice mood music and lights when we eat dinner, which has been something nice to unravel us from the day.  I made another for the bedroom when I’m doing my nightly routine.  Sade heavy, of course, because I’m nothing if not predictable.

Speaking of which, I picked up another set of remote-controlled LED button lights today, and installed them in the master bath.  So now I can shower to smooth jazz AND have mood lights, stop being jealous.

(It is probably the tackiest thing in the whole entire world to somebody who is not me, but I don’t care, I love it.)

On Saturday night we finally sorted through the pile of convention crap that’s been clogging up the dining room and took a proper inventory of all the art and jewelry I’ve got left.  I took pictures of our sales sheets as well, and tomorrow (haha, maybe, ugh) I’m going to take a critical look at what’s sold well historically and what makes the most sense to reproduce.

The little hand-painted pendants, for instance, which I dearly love?  Just don’t sell that well.  I only have one or two left, so that’s good, but they took forever to sell, and they are really labor intensive to make.  Meanwhile, the acrylic dragonfly earrings were inexpensive to make, fairly quick to produce, and people snatched them up.

It’s been an interesting experience, to be sure.

We have a pile of stuff to take to Salvation Army, but it rained all Saturday so that was no good.  Maybe some time this week.

Oh, and last Wednesday the handyman came by to install the new door!  MY NEW FREE FRONT DOOR!  (I’m very proud of this, and I recognize that it is childish, but I don’t care.  The dude at Home Depot was ringing up gift card after gift card and just marveling out loud how ridiculous it was.  Proud moment for me.)

I started using a new app that lets you take pictures of your store receipts, also allowing you to exchange the points you earn for more gift cards, so we’ll see how I do with that.  Let me know if anyone wants to give it a shot, I’ll send you a referral!

Finally had an orthopedist appointment last Wednesday as well.  X-rays looked normal, so there’s some sort of soft tissue damage or scar tissue or something?  He couldn’t tell without an MRI, and insurance won’t pay for an MRI (softly singing God Bless America under my breath here), so instead he’s sending me to physical therapy for an “abnormal gait.”  Lovely.  That starts this coming Wednesday, we’ll see how that all goes.

We also went to the gym today and worked up a workout routine in the weights section.  I’m off high-impact cardio for the time being, which means no running, and frankly I really think what I need is to regain, and gain, muscle mass.  Cardio has never really done anything for me at all, although running can be very relaxing, and I can already feel age-related muscle loss setting in.  Can’t have that, so off we go for (ideally) 3 nights a week of weights.

It’s frustrating being so short.  Half the machines that I need to use I can’t because I just don’t fit on them -- my head hits the wrong place, the swively bits press against something they shouldn’t -- and in trying to make them work I end up straining something I shouldn’t.  Marc helped me figure out which ones I could fit on, proper weight and seat settings, so I should be good now.  I wrote everything down, and will work it up into a little chart for myself tomorrow.

I may laminate it, I haven’t decided yet.

In cat news, we are going to have to do something about Rosie.  Laugh as we might about her growling at her food bowl, the amount of absolute hysterics she flies into at feeding time, or the lengths she goes to in order to scavenge even the tiniest crumb of food is getting upsetting.

We can’t offer her anything by hand anymore.  If you try to give her a treat she will bite through your fingers without even thinking.  If you offer her baby food on a spoon as a treat she can no longer contain herself to licking -- she will bite and bite and bite the spoon, and can’t seem to stop herself.  I bought her a slow feeder dish and she spent the entire time biting the plastic bits meant to make her go more slowly, just growling and getting more and more upset, until we scraped everything back into her old bowl.  When she does eat, it’s like she hasn’t eaten in weeks, and she’s convinced someone is going to steal it.

She is a completely different cat when there’s food in front of her.

She is still (and probably always will be) a very tiny cat -- probably only 5.5 - 6 lbs -- but she is at a healthy weight for her size.  I suspect whatever malnutrition she suffered as a kitten permanently stunted her growth.

This sort of behavior can have a physical cause (hyperthyroidism, parasites, etc.), but the copious bloodwork they did on her just a few months ago came back clear, she went through several rounds of powerful dewormers when we first found her, and she is otherwise in good physical shape and health.  She’s also, when there’s no food around, still sweet and cuddly and as loving as she always was.  There isn’t a mean bone in her body.

We saw this once before, in a cat that we fostered when we first moved into this house -- Cooper.  We had to give Cooper back, in part because our other cats couldn’t get along with him, and in part because he was an absolute living nightmare to deal with.  He figured out how to scale the barrier into the kitchen, and would dump the trash can and rip through everything he found inside. He would walk the kitchen counters over and over and over again in case he missed something the last time.  Every single day, multiple times a day.  He’d tear open ANY bag, whether or not it contained food, just in case it might.

Cooper was also found as a starving kitten, although he wasn’t one of ours.  Other accounts I’ve read of these behaviors all have that in common as well: kittens (like Rosie) who were found emaciated, plagued with parasites.  Even long after they find a safe home with ample food and regular mealtimes, that insecurity never goes away. What has helped others, supposedly, is making the cat a safe and secure place to eat every meal, and not exposing it to food at any other time or place than at meal time.

She’s already not allowed in the kitchen, we now have Rosie-proof trash bins, and although we’re already feeding all the cats separately I’ve taken down one of the carriers to lock her in at breakfast and dinner (this isn’t as bad as it sounds -- she wolfs her food down in a minute flat, so she won’t be in there long, and I’m hoping that only giving her meals and treats in that spot will help her feel less exposed and defensive. I moved her bowl into the carrier and she went right in to investigate, so we’ll see what happens at breakfast tomorrow.  Even a slight improvement would be good.  On one hand we laugh at this ridiculous, tiny cat growling so unnecessarily and aggressively at dinner time, but after a moment it’s sort of upsetting because clearly she is super stressed out. I guess that about catches me up.  I’m going to take a nice long shower and listen to smooth jazz amid color-changing lights (SHHH IT’S FANCY) and then maybe do something creative for a bit. I love you all and I hope you’re well <3

[taylorfloyd100]

Feeding Your Family on a Budget!

Cheap Meals for Under $10: 

HOW I SPEND LESS THAN $600 A MONTH ON GROCERIES FOR A FAMILY OF THREE

Every month I make one big trip to the grocery store. I live a very busy lifestyle, so I have been using Wal-Mart grocery pick-up, and it has saved me so much time! 

I try to keep each trip below or close to $400, so that I can use the extra $200 for extra items that I will need that month such as: toiletries, hygiene products, dog food, guinea pig food, etc. 

Keep in mind, we are eating on a budget, so these are in no way, shape, or form five star meals, but they keep my family fed and full. I rarely buy name brand products, so these meals are under $10 considering you buy Wal-Mart brand products.

Beanie Weenies: one pack of hot dogs, one family sized can of baked beans (I prefer vegetarian baked beans. This is one of those things I splurge on and buy name brand.) - cut up the hot dogs into slices, warm up the baked beans, combine, & ENJOY!

Canned Soup with saltine crackers: This one is pretty self explanatory.

Spaghetti: It costs the same amount for me to buy the pre-made sauce as it does for me to buy a can of diced tomatoes and make my own, so it is completely up to personal preference and whether or not you have the spices you will need.

Hot dogs! Quick and easy. 

Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup

Sloppy Joe

Eggs & Bacon. (Breakfast for dinner is a money saver. We do this a lot.)

Pancakes & Eggs

Chocolate Chip Waffles w/ Chocolate Syrup & Reddi Whip. This one is not the healthiest, but it tastes so good!

Great Value Sausage Patties & Eggs. (They come in a large bag, so you will be able to make multiple meals with them. I tend to buy a lot of frozen items because they last. If I don’t use them that month, then they don’t go bad since they’re in the freezer!)

Ramen Noodles w/ a fried egg & mixed veggies - Corn and peas taste the best in my opinion.

Bean & Cheese Burritos - homemade. Mix a can of refried beans (large can) with taco seasoning, add cheese, a drained can of diced tomatoes w/ green chiles, for that extra spice, use the mix to fill a flour tortilla, and store in the freezer for a quick microwavable meal for later. - I buy taco seasoning & white gravy in bulk containers for $9 each because they last months & I can use them in a variety of meals.

Beef Nachos - Canned cheese dip, chopped lettuce/tomato/jalapenos, ground beef with taco seasoning, and tortilla chips. Pour cheese over chips, next top with ground beef mixture, put in oven at 350 for about 8 minutes, take out, add toppings, EAT! 

Baked Potatoes w/ cheese and broccoli - Boil potatoes until soft, microwave frozen broccoli, fill potato with broccoli, top with cheese, microwave until melted.

Frozen Corn Dogs 

Frozen Pizza

Burgers & Potato chips - I like to buy frozen burger patties because I can get 12 for under $10 which makes three meals for my family. With burger buns 98 cents a pop, I can get three meals for about $17 after lettuce, tomato, cheese slices.

BBQ Chicken w/ mixed vegetables - I can buy a frozen 10 lb bag of chicken for $18 which makes about 4 meals. Buying your meat frozen will save you a ton of money. Top with BBQ sauce, buy a bag of steam-able mixed vegetables for 98 cents, and you have a filling meal.

Chicken Parmesan - I like to buy frozen chicken patties, and use them to make chicken cutlet sandwiches; however, it comes about 12 to a pack, so you can use extras for this meal. Make your pasta and sauce as preferred, and top with a chicken patty with an oven melted Italian cheese mixture on top.

Chicken Cutlet Sandwiches - Loaf of bread or hamburger buns, mayo, lettuce, and pickles can make this a tasty lunch or dinner. 

Buffalo Chicken Wraps - Cook sliced chicken in a skillet with buffalo sauce of choice (I like Sweet Baby Rays), throw into a flour tortilla with ranch, tomato, lettuce, and cheese. This is one of my favorite meals. It’s quick and easy and sooo delicious!

Tacos - Taco Bell Fire Sauce, Flour Tortillas, Ground Beef w/ taco seasoning, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese.You get more doing it this way, instead of buying the kit. Also, consider replacing the flour tortillas with tortilla chips, and make Taco Salad! 

Tuna Salad Sandwiches - Bread, Mayo, Sweet Relish, and Tuna.

Egg Salad Sandwiches - Bread, Mayo, Mustard, Eggs, Sweet Relish. We eat a lot of eggs, so I buy the largest box at Wal-Mart, and it lasts the whole month.

Wings - Buy a frozen bag of chicken wings for about $10. You can get two meals out of this bag. Coat in eggs first then flour, and fry in vegetable oil using a pot on the stove until desired crispiness. Toss is desired sauce: BBQ. Buffalo. Teriyaki. You name it. 

Turkey and Cheese Wraps - Flour tortillas, colby jack cheese, turkey, and mustard!

Chili - The easiest thing you will every make! Combine kidney beans, pinto beans, salt, pepper, canned diced tomatoes (all of which no draining required), ground beef, cumin, and chili powder, let it simmer, and there ya go. Top with cheese or saltine crackers or sour cream and YUM!

BLT Sandwiches - Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato sandwiches with a little bit of mayo, salt, and pepper is all you need for a delicious lunch.

Chicken & Potato Skillet - Red Potatoes, Chicken, Salt, Pepper, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Lots of Thyme, & some Olive Oil!

Shepherds Pie - Ground Beef, Mashed Potatoes, Cheese on Top, & Sweet Peas on the bottom!

Cobb Salad - Salad mix, Ranch Dressing, Tomatoes, Cheese, Hard Boiled Eggs, Crispy Chicken Tenders, Cucumber, and Carrots.

Tacobake - I usually buy the kit from the store, but this can most definitely be made on your own!

Stir Fry - Cube up some chicken, microwave a bag of Steamables broccoli, toss it all around in the skillet together with some soy sauce, and serve with yum yum sauce!

Popcorn Shrimp - Serve with cocktail and/or tartar sauce to make for a quick and easy freezer dinner.

Taco Mac N Cheese - Ground beef with taco seasoning combined with Mac N Cheese!

TO BE CONTINUED...

[sexydeathparty]

8 Kitchen Life-Savers That Make Prepping Meals Less Of A Chore

Nothing beats a homemade meal, but we all have days when we don’t have the time, energy or motivation to pull it off. On those evenings, help is in order.

Enter the time-saving kitchen gadgets and gizmos designed to make life easier. We’re talking instant pot cookers, speedy veg slicers and dinner party delights that make cooking fuss-free.

Below, you’ll find a list of such items, handpicked by us. We’ve also added some of our favourite everyday game-changers – from space-saving saucepans to toast tongs – that’ll make you’re time in the kitchen far less stressful.

Each item is personally owned (and rated highly) by one of our reviewers, so we really can guarantee their usefulness. Meal prep has never been easier. 

1. The mandoline must-have 

Perfect for those who loathe food prep, the OXO Good Grips mandoline has been dubbed a “handheld veg assassin” by reviewer Justin Myers. The mandolin slices veg and salad in perfectly matching proportions – and is surprisingly fun to use. 

“Best of all, unlike laborious chopping, it isn’t boring!” he says. “It’s quite entertaining to watch the veg disappear behind the blade, to hear that satisfying swish. When sliced, the vegetables look so beautiful; I find such joy in an effortlessly sliced cucumber, gossamer-thin radish, and the elegant, curled shavings of a baby pepper.”

Buy the OXO Good Grips Mandoline for £13 from John Lewis

2. For stress-free dinner parties

Love dinner parties but hate cooking under pressure? You need to buy a fondue set. Preferably, a stylish cast iron version. This 70s throwback is a personal favourite of mine, and also adored by our reviewer, Anya Meyerowitz.

“Not only does a fondue set alleviate the stress of having friends over, it never fails to excite my guests. Gathering around one feels akin to huddling around a campfire, but instead of kumbaya we sing drunken renditions of Fleetwood Mac,” she writes.

“It feels innately naughty, like we’re disobeying instructions not to play with our food. Somehow, even at thirty years old, I can’t help but feel smug about managing to sidestep eating my greens to go straight for pure bread and cheese.”

Buy the Cast Iron Fondue Set for £45 from John Lewis

3. Boil brilliant eggs every time 

Boiling an egg might not seem the hardest culinary challenge, but it can so easily go wrong. Too fast and it’s impossible to peel. Too slow and you’ll have no yolk left for your soldiers.

The Ashley Pop In Magic Colour Changing Perfect Boiled Egg Timer (yes, that is its official name) is here to fix the problem. Reviewer Rachel McGrath bought this for her bickering housemates and it ended brunch debates in an instant. 

“The timer is incredibly simple. Like soooo simple. Every time you’re boiling an egg or two, you just put it in the saucepan at the same time,” she explains. “The red circle will get smaller as they boil and the markers will indicate how cooked the eggs are; soft, medium or hard-boiled.” 

Buy the colour-changing egg timer for £3.39. from Amazon

4. Toast tongs your fingers will thank you for

It’s one of life’s great conundrums: how do you safely get toast out of the toaster when it’s still deliciously hot, without burning your fingers (or jamming in a dangerous fork)? Well, dear readers, I have found the solution: toast tongs.

This item comes recommended by yours truly and it’s an absolute bargain. The tongs are a simple tool made from bamboo that allow you to pluck your toast, crumpets, pittas and hot cross buns from the toaster with confidence. I chose this particular Lakeland pair for the handy magnet, meaning they clip to the side of the toaster and never get lost. 

The long reach of the tongs also enables you to pick out any pesky bits of bread that have broken off and become wedged in the murky depths, threatening to set the fire alarm off at any moment. Phew!

Buy the Lakeland Toast Tongs for £3.49 from Amazon

5. For fast, hearty food 

The Instant Pot has gained an almost cult-like following, for a very good reason. The product claims to be a ‘7-in-1’ cooker – pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, searing pan, steamer, food warmer and yoghurt maker (should you feel so inclined). 

The best thing about it, according to reviewer Mike Rampton, is that it can “cook stuff absurdly quickly”.

“Something to do with pressure, and steam, and temperature, and Christ knows what, means you can chuck a bunch of food in with no real care and half an hour later sit down to something magnificent,” he says. “You can do a stew in, what, 45 minutes? And you end up with beautifully tender meat falling off the bone. The first thing my wife made in it – a short-rib ragu – is just about the best thing I’ve ever eaten, and went from a vague thought to satisfied belches in an hour.”

Buy the Instant Pot Duo 7-in-1 Smart Cooker for £74.99 on Amazon

6. Some seriously space-saving saucepans 

Another one straight from my own home, these Tefal Ingenio saucepans with removable handles are perfect for small spaces.

The set consists of three pans, each compatible with a single stainless steel handle that attaches and detaches easily yet securely with just one click. As a result, the handleless pans form a satisfyingly neat stack, slotting obediently into any cupboard.

They were a real godsend in our old flat, which had a minuscule galley kitchen where every inch of storage was used. We’ve since moved to a home with a little more space, but I’m not sure I’d ever go back to regular pans. Why would I? 

These bad boys also conveniently slide into the fridge for storing leftovers and double up as tins for baking cakes, meaning we’ve gained even more storage space without the need for umpteen food vessels. Win-win. 

Buy the Tefal Ingenio Essential Non-Stick Pots for £40.91 from Amazon

7. A tool for avocado aficionados 

Possibly the most millennial kitchen tool to ever exist, this avocado slicer is a must-buy for those clumsy cooks who’ve succumbed to the dreaded avocado hand. 

“So much better than grappling with a scarily sharp knife and under-powered fork, the 4-in-1 tool has a serrated edge that glides through avocado skin in a dreamy fashion, while at the other end is a scoop-shaped masher to help you easily remove the avo’s innards and then pulverise them to a delicious guacamole,” explains reviewer Brogan Driscoll.

“The knife end also has wide-set teeth meaning you can slice the fruit into chunks if you’re that way inclined.”

Buy the Salter BW05611 4 in 1 Avocado Preparation Tool for £3.40 from Amazon

8. A game-changing garlic press 

If, like reviewer Natasha Hinde, you love cooking with garlic but CBA with chopping and hate your fingers smelling of garlic afterwards, this garlic press is for you.

“What completely blew me away was the discovery of a secondary element – a little hair brush-like implement which pulls the garlic skin out of the contraption. You simply stick the brush spines through the holes on the outside and it pops the skin out, easy peasy,” she says. 

“It means you don’t have to deal with the stinky fingers that would come from trying to claw the clove’s skin out manually with your nails. In short, life changing.” 

Buy the Zyliss Susi 3 Garlic Press for £9.99 from Amazon

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