#Trying to understand why so many of you want Clint Barton to be a walking fucking imbecile in this fandom so badly.

[hawkzeyes]

Sometimes I’m smacked full force with yalls ablism because the way yall project how you feel about folks with depression on Clint is weird, implying he is lazy and can only manage grown adult things because someone else is there to hold his wittle baby hand 🥺

[toxicmalysh]

The link we share

Chapter 2: Goodbye

Word count : 920

Summary: filler chapter you say goodbye to the team with Wanda

Warnings: none

⋆✧✦✧⋆

You knew you were going to struggle to sleep that night, when you got to your room, you sat comfortably on the bed, but your mind filled immediately with negative thoughts, how you had managed to ruin a moment with Wanda by being so sensitive, you didn't understand why your mind wandered like this, but when it started you couldn't stop it.

You pulled out your laptop, playing some soft music, watching the time go by, it was four in the morning and you still weren't tired.

Wanda in her own room, found herself staring in the mirror as she cleaned her teeth, zoning out slightly, thinking about your change in composure in the kitchen, the way your eyes widened as though someone had slapped you.

She had so many questions, so many things she wanted to ask, all she could do was wait, letting the possible answers consume her. She tried her best to sleep, tossing and turning but her mind kept wandering to you, she slowly gave up, putting on a few films, each more boring than the last.

When you woke from your light sleep, you reached across for your alarm clock realising it hadn't gone off, you threw a black zip up hoodie on, bounding down the hallway. Today most of the team were heading for a week-long mission, and this was the only chance you would get to give your goodbyes.

As you turned the corner running as fast as you could, you saw the team grouped by the entrance, gearing up into quinjet, Tony and Banner were talking at the front of the jet, whilst Steve and Natasha were stood by the entrance, Thor and Vision were discussing something in-between Tony and Steve.

You kept up your pace jogging over to Steve and Natasha, Steve looked over from Nat, smiling slightly,

"I knew you wouldn't miss a goodbye kid." You smiled brightly, letting Steve embrace you, Steve ruffled your hair as he laughed.

"You guys get back alright, no broken bones this time,"

You playfully turned to Natasha, on their last mission Natasha had managed to break her right femur fighting a hydra informant.

Natasha pouted slightly, crossing her arms,

"If Tony actually answered his coms, he would have heard me request backup. I don't know why I even bother with him." She huffed laughing slightly.

You peered past Natasha smiling towards Thor and Vision, giving Bruce and Tony a polite wave. Thor and Vision weren't very close with you, but Bruce and Tony worked with you on a daily basis, not only were you a medic, you were also a big part of the brains of the team.

"Where's Wanda?" You asked softly suddenly becoming aware of the fact she wasn't nearby, Steve wiped his chin slightly as he spoke,

"She's still training this week, after the last missions, hiccup, we just want her back on her feet.”

Everyone danced around Wanda’s breakdown. On her last mission, they were raiding a Hydra testing facility, Tony had found files on Both Wanda and Pietro, and Wanda had walked into the room when he was extracting the files, before Tony even had time to blink, Wanda had destroyed half the facility and every Hydra soldier in the area. Unfortunately her actions had damaged a nearby village, and she hasn't been allowed on the field since.

You felt guilty. It wasn't until you had made it to Wanda with a sedation medication that she calmed down. Tony still has the data on the siblings and only you and Bruce knew.

Steve noticed the shift in your eyes.

“Hey we know you'll look after her well, besides we won't be long gone okay?” He smiled gently, you nodded trying to shake off the feeling, smiling slightly at Steve's brotherly tone.

“And I'm assuming Clint is meeting you at the location?” you looked up watching Natasha,

“Yeah Bartons already on route with Bucky, we can't just go in guns blazing, and they're the best agents we have for long range.” Her tone was stern but endearing.

You crossed your arms nodding slowly in response

“Well you make sure you bring them both back here they'll need once overs too.” You tried to hide the excitement in your voice but it was obvious you missed Clint and Bucky.

Steve laughed slightly,

“Don't worry we'll bring them back for you.” You stepped back allowing Steve and Natasha to enter the jet, raising your voice as the engine roared,

“And I don't want to hear that you lot bickered okay! If I hear you've acted like children I’ll treat you like one! Naughty kids don't get lollipops after check ups!” You laughed to yourself as you stood back watching the jet rise off the ground.

Wanda was standing close nearby listening to the group's conversation. She knew the team thought she was dangerous, impulsive and not incontrol of her powers, but it still hurt to hear.

Wanda moved forward, leaning slightly against you watching as the Quinjet left the compound grounds. She nudged your arm slightly,

“Looks like you're stuck with me then.” Her tone was sarcastic but it was obvious she was happy to have some peace and quiet.

You laughed slightly turning around making your way slowly into the compound, allowing Wanda to walk by your side, your tone dripping in sarcasm,

“That is the worst news I've heard all day.”

The two of you continued the back and forth banter walking down the corridors nudging each other playfully

[imdoingsortagay]

Natasha’s first halloween

Summary: Natasha, just recently joining S.H.I.E.L.D, get taught by one of her new friends about the holiday of Halloween.

word count : 1.7k 

a/n: first day of writing events!!!! enjoy 

reblogs and likes are appreciated !!! happy reading besties 

“ what’s Halloween?” 

You take a break from reading one of the many reports due by tonight to see who asked you the question. You know that it’s the one and only Natasha Romanoff, S.H.I.E.L.D’s newest member. Feared by many of your coworkers for some reason but she seems to be close to barton and you recently when she saw you eating some food she’d never seen. That was about 3 months ago since she’d joined and surely but slowly you both of you formed a friendship of sorts. 

“ What?” You ask the redhead, who only seems to be surprised that you didn’t hear her question. 

“ I asked what is Halloween ?” She asks you again. 

“ Oh,” you start “ I never knew you didn’t know Natasha”. 

“ Well I knew what it was but with my past, we certainly didn’t get to celebrate it and I saw that some of the agents in the building putting up decorations, so,” she pauses and looks at you” why don’t I ask the only other person who I talk to here”. The woman comes to sit next to you, with her lunch and you just wonder how she never got to know what  the holiday was. 

“ Where’s barton ?” 

“ He’s off with his girlfriend on some farm and I didn’t want to be a burden on him with my dumb questions,” she tells you, trying her best not to look sad. Even with the short time of being friends with each other, she still had trouble expressing herself and being used to all these feelings but you were understanding. 

“ Natasha,” you say and grab her hand,” your questions are never dumb. I would be delighted to teach you all I know about Halloween. How does Saturday around 1 pm work for you?”

She takes the time to think it over, while you hope that she says yes but it had been a while since anyone’s visited. Is f she says yes then you would have to clean up the minute you get home from work. 

“I accept y/l/n,” she tells you with a smile on your face. It’s the first time that you’ve seen her with a happy expression and not the serious one that Natasha has all of the time. 

*Saturday*

Natasha was a bit nervous about spending time with you at your apartment. Doing all these “ normal things” were overwhelming to her but Clint and her therapist had told her it would be a great idea to expand her horizons with other people. Sure it made her nervous, the thought of being in a new environment that she can’t just instantly observe for threats but she knows that you would never be a bad guy or put her in any danger. 

As you were quickly getting everything together at your apartment, Natasha was walking with some stuff she thought would spice up the day for both of you as per Clint’s suggestions. A bag of Halloween candy, some decorated cupcakes in said Halloween colors, and a bouquet of roses that she thought were pretty reminded of you. 

‘ you Natasha Romanoff have got this’ she says in her mind, as she gets closer and closer to your apartment while you were freaking out about whether or not the woman would be impressed. 

To say that you had a bit of a crush on the former assassin would be an understatement. Natasha was a very pretty woman so when she had come up to you during your lunch break a month of her working at the place, it had surprised you. Before she had approached you, the only friend that you made at work had been some guy at the coffee stand outside of the building, being able to get free coffee every once in a while. Then he found a better job opportunity and that was the last you heard of him. 

So having a friend over for the first time in a while makes you nervous but you are prepared for having the redhead over while you try to teach her the Halloween tradition. 

Natasha makes it to your apartment with only 10 minutes to spare, never the one to be late for anything. She knocks on the door a couple of times, patiently waiting for you and within a good 20 seconds, Natasha it met with what can be considered the cheesiest shirt ever.

“ that shirt,” she starts, unsure of what to say that won’t hurt your feelings. 

“ What? It’s to get you and me in the Halloween spirit,” you tell her in an excited tone and get her to giggle too with the said shirt. Natasha lucky for you does not notice you blushing because you made her laugh and make a mental note to thank the next-door neighbor for lending it to you. 

“ I brought you these flowers y/l/n,” she starts as she hands you a bouquet of roses,” cause they reminded me of you when I say them”. It was now her turn to start blushing at what she just told you and Natasha silently hope at that moment of asking for Clint’s help but is happy when you take the flowers from her hand to go put in a vase. 

“ Make yourself comfortable, I brought snacks for the both of us to eat while I teach you about Halloween,” you yell from the kitchen trying to find where the heck you even have a vase. She takes the offer to walk into the living room, looking at what’s on the coffee table in the middle of the room with curiosity. 

In the brief time, she was on the mission in Ohio, the redhead never got to celebrate Halloween as she had to act like a normal family. Mama Melina did feel bad that her daughters weren’t going to live a normal childhood so she would let them have cookies every once in a while, even if Alexi would scold her about it. So seeing the cupcakes and cookies on the table does bring back memories of the life she once knew. 

“ Do you mind if I grab one cupcake y/l/n?” she asks you, still putting close attention to the desserts on the table as if they would bring harm to her. 

“ y/n is fine Natasha and go ahead,” you tell her after finally being able to get the one vase in the apartment for the roses. Once she has permission to, the redhead goes for the vanilla cupcake with orange frosting, colorful sprinkles, and a cute little plastic ring on top of it. She takes the ring off of the cupcake before immediately taking a bite of the sweet treat, the first bite being the best thing she’s ever had. 

“ Where were these things in my life? She mumbles to herself as she continues to eat the rest of it. 

“ Grocery stores and bakeries,” you answer her question by surprise and scare the woman by accident. Being that she was too focused on the dessert to focus on you. 

“ Have you ever had a cupcake before this Natasha?” 

She nods her head and you feel bad for the woman. Many people in the company had spread rumors about her past but Natasha had trusted you enough to know about her past. 

“ Well you are gonna love the cookies then,” you explain to her as you push the box of cookies to her and she opens it, grabs the first one, and takes a bite of it with a smile on her face. Natasha gives you a cookie of your own so you don’t feel left out. 

“ These are good,” she says. 

“ family run bakery makes the best one,” you tell her. 

“ Teach me more about the Halloween stuff than y/n,” she says excitingly, and you do just that. 

Yes, the whole presentation was a bit much when you mentioned it to your neighbor but Natasha felt touched by how much work you must have put into this. She didn’t think there was so much to this and she’s incredibly thankful for you. 

“ You know that there’s a Halloween party happening at work right y/n?” she asks you after the hour presentation, cheesy but cute design and music you showed her. 

“I know that Natasha, why do you ask?” 

“ did you want to dress up with me and,” she pauses,” be my date?” 

You pause from eating a cupcake to listen to what she just told you. Wait? HER DATE? 

“ Oh,” is all that comes out of your mouth. 

“ you don’t have to but it would be nice cause I find you c-cute and this was fun I mean sure we’re still friends but-” and you place your lips on hers to stop her from rambling on like a nervous wreck. Now or never to show her how you feel about her then. 

A couple of seconds go by before Natasha feels confident to kiss you and oh how she loves the feeling of your soft lips with yours. 

The little noises that you make as you start to kiss her back, how you have her hands on her head to keep her steady, all of this made Natasha feel warm and fuzzy inside. Something that she never even knew she could feel after years of pain, suffering, and torture she had to go through. 

She would have loved to kiss you even longer before the both of you had to get some air. You pull away from the redhead and can’t help but smile as she looks like a blushing mess, different from the always serious woman that you see at work, but you like it. 

“ is that a yes? “ she asks, not even bothering to fix herself up. 

“ yes,” and Natasha jumps on top of you again to continue kissing you like a starved woman. The rest of the night is full of laughter from both of you, giggles from Natasha as you show her the cool dance moves that you were taught as a kid, and overall happiness from the redhead who’s happy that she got to learn about this from you. 

The Halloween party goes well for both of you as Natasha takes full control of choosing the costumes while all you had to do is show up to her place to dress up. Her choice for both of you cleverly is Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy from her search on google. Natasha is the one to dress up as poison Ivy while you happily chose Harley. The party goes well as you both win the contest and win a fancy dinner and Natasha can’t wait to have many more Halloweens where she can be happy with you. 

[idy-ll-ique]

Beach Day.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Mutual Pining

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: White clothing gets transparent in water... poor Y/N doesn't know that.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! This is kinda crack fic + fluff lmao ok enjoy!

---

Ah, what a perfect day to be on a beach.

Bucky smiled softly as he sipped on his beer, the sunshine and the sound of flowing water doing wonders for his mood. The Avengers had taken a mini-vacation of sorts, opting to spend a weekend by the seaside. A trip sponsored by Tony Stark. It was a shame Natasha and Wanda couldn't join in, they had a mission to go to. Y/N was the most upset.

"Don't leave me with so much testosterone, I will die," she had whined at the time which made everyone laugh. Currently, he was sitting on a beach lounge chair alongside Steve, Sam, Tony, Thor, Loki and Clint. Y/N was inside still, changing, he guessed. "Guys!" At the feminine voice, he turned and nearly choked on his drink. "Whoa."

"Looking good, Y/L/N," Tony whistled shamelessly and Y/N blushed, the colour spreading down her body. She was dressed in a white bikini that she had purchased for the trip; it looked really good on her. "Thank you, Stark," she quipped back before heading towards the waters. Bucky blinked. Surely she wasn't going into the water wearing that…

"Y/N?"

She turned. "What?" Sam and Clint shared looks. "You going for a swim?" Sam asked and she nodded, a bright smile lifting her face. "It's been ages since I last swam!" Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Are you sure you want to swim wearing that?" he groaned tiredly, causing Y/N to blink. "It's… a bikini, Tony, that's the whole point," she spoke slowly.

The 7 men glanced at each other. "Okay, then, you do you," Tony spoke and she left, stepping into the water. "If you don't date her I will, Barnes, consider this a warning," Clint breathed out once she was out of earshot. "You are married, Barton," Bucky rolled his eyes. "That's why I said it is a warning," Clint snapped back.

"I— I don't know how to ask her," Bucky admitted, playing with the bottle of beer in his hands. "Just ask her! What's the worst that could happen? Knowing Y/N— what a sweet little angel— she'll probably lay you down gently." Bucky groaned as Steve clamped a hand over Tony's mouth, shutting him. "Stop making it worse!" Tony pushed the hand away.

"Do you really think she's going to reject me?" All of them turned to Y/N, who hadn't strayed far from the group. She was alone, flinging the water here and there, laughing to herself. That warmed their hearts, Y/N was really sunshine in a bottle. "Any girl would be a fool," Sam hyped him, raising a bottle in mock toast. Bucky gave him a half-smile.

All of a sudden, they heard a squeal coming from Y/N. Their heads whipped towards her and saw her talking to some guy. Well, more like him trying to ask her out while she said no. Apparently, he wasn't listening. "Hey, asshole! Away from her!" Tony yelled obnoxiously and Bucky winced when the two people looked over. Great, she's gonna be mad at us for creating a scene.

The guy, recognizing the Avengers, fled. Y/N turned to Tony. "Thanks!" she called out before continuing her shenanigans. "The nerve of some people," Steve huffed, Loki and Thor nodding in agreement. Bucky, meanwhile, continued staring at her, shocked. She wasn't mad? Oh well, that's… nice. Suddenly, she looked up, right at him.

Freezing for a second, he managed an awkward smile and waved at her. She waved back before waving her arm, asking him to join her in the water. He gently shook his head and pointed to his arm, smiling sheepishly. Understanding his shyness, Y/N nodded and grinned at him before she started with her first lap of swimming.

"You should've gone."

"Shut up."

As Y/N swam around in the cool waters, she thought back to her conversation with the guys. Why were they so reluctant to let her swim? And whatever did Tony mean by wearing that? It was a nice bikini; a bit skimpy, sure, but it looked nice on her. So what was his problem? Shaking her head, she instead thought about Bucky. Bucky Barnes, the White Wolf, the man she wanted to go on a date with…

He had many names. Y/N had had a crush on Bucky ever since she joined the Avengers, not knowing that Bucky reflected her feelings. After a few laps, Y/N decided the water was getting too cold and she needed to step out. So she started walking towards the beach again, the water level going from her chest, to her stomach, to her hips and eventually her ankles as her feet hit dry sand.

"Y/N!"

At the loud and sharp yell she froze, her eyes darting to where her friends were seated, paralyzed. They were all staring at her with mostly the same expressions; eyes wide with mortification, jaws dropped. Then she saw Steve running towards her. She blinked at him as he wrapped a towel around her, easily picking up the Y/N burrito and walking towards the others.

"Y/N, what the fuck was that?"

Steve set her down on her feet. "What did I do?" she asked meekly, moving to drop the towel but 7 voices shouted out in unison, "No!" She pulled the towel on tighter and shook her head, going inside her room. Bucky breathed out a sigh, quickly moving to hide his boner with the bottle of beer he was holding. "She is literally so—"

"Does she not know that—"

"She probably doesn't—"

That white clothes get transparent in water.

When she had stepped out of the water, her bikini was clinging to her body but what caught his, or rather everyone's attention was that her nipples were completely on display, the perked buds clear as day through the top. No wonder all of them reacted the way they did. They stared at each other, the silence getting uncomfortable.

"Oh, man…" Tony whistled finally, running a hand through his hair. "Think about something else," Steve suggested but try as he might, he couldn't get the image of her body out of his mind. Soon, conversation started floating between them again but Bucky kept quiet, staring at the sea, lost in thoughts. "Hey guys, have you seen my fanny pack anywhere?"

Bucky looked up and saw her standing there with her hands on her hips, looking at them with an innocent expression on her face. Her towel was long gone, she was still in the bikini and God, it's still wet, look away Bucky, look away— "Y/N, what the hell, go inside! We'll find it later, just— just go inside," Clint chided and she frowned but stormed off.

Bucky, not being able to bear the look on her face, followed her. The rest of them shrugged and decided not to disturb the two for a few hours. Bucky knocked on the door to her room and, finding out it was open, nudged it apart. He peeked into the room to make sure she was not changing and found her sitting on the bed. "Y/N?" She sniffled and he walked inside, closing the door behind him.

"Y/N, don't cry, come on…"

She was still in that stupid bikini. Noticing the towel from earlier draped over the back of a chair, he picked it up and walked to her, putting it around her. "Why are they being rude?" she whispered and Bucky sighed, putting an arm around her. He gently squeezed. "They were not being rude, they were being overprotective." She didn't look convinced.

"Do I not look good?" He sighed again. "You do look good, it's just… Y/N, you really don't know, do you?" She blinked at him, confused. "What do I not know?" He went pink. "White— white clothing becomes transparent in water and, uh— uh… your, um… nipples were… uhm… very visible through the top," he stammered and a look of understanding crossed her face.

Then she blushed furiously. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't know—" He shook his head. "It's fine. Maybe just wear a t-shirt before coming out again, okay?" She nodded before grabbing a random t-shirt off the bed; all the guys, before going out to the beach, had left a t-shirt each in Y/N's room, hoping for a quick change since her room was the closest.

Thinking it was her t-shirt, she stood up and dropped the towel. The t-shirt went down to her knees and her head tilted to the side; when did her shirt become so long? When she glanced at Bucky, he was smiling at her, amusement shining in his eyes. "What?" she asked as one of the sleeves dropped to her elbow, the neckline plunging in that direction.

One bikini strap showed on the shoulder. "You look good in my t-shirt, doll." A deep blush spread across her face. She moved to take it off but he stopped her. "Keep it on, it looks good on you. Hell, keep it forever." His words… "Buck, you need this—" "Trust me, I don't. How about this, when we go home, you raid my wardrobe because holy hell, my stuff looks good on you."

Y/N flushed deeper. Why was he acting all flirtatious all of a sudden? "I'm not raiding your whole wardrobe, Bucky." He frowned momentarily. "I thought girlfriends raided their boyfriends' wardrobes all the time." Her eyes snapped up and met his; he held a confident smirk on his face this time. "Wait… Barnes, are you asking me out?" He nodded and she squealed.

"Yes!" She rushed forward and jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. He did not hesitate to kiss her, his hands landing on her butt as he caressed the soft flesh. Y/N's hands ended up in his hair, combing through the long locks. "I do have some rules, baby," he whispered as he led her to the bed, setting her down. He climbed on top of her and smirked again.

"What?"

"Number one: I'm throwing that fucking bikini away."

"Buck, why?!"

"No white bikinis allowed because I don't want people staring at what's mine."

"Ugh, deal."

"Good. Now, where was I? Oh yes… you and I are gonna have some fun before we go out now, okay? Be quiet for me…"

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

[sarcasticallybee]

Loki x reader

Live action

"Tony!" You yelled as you stormed into the living room.

    "Some guy is here! A tall one with black hair?" You heard the man scoff behind you but ignored him.

   Tony entered the room and glared at the male who was now standing next you.

   "Loki." Tony greeted coldly.

  "Tony." The man, Loki, replied.

  "Y/n." You huffed pointing at yourself.

   Tony turned to you apologetically.

"Sorry I didn't tell you we were having a guest. He's here on house arrest." Tony explained gesturing at the man.

   "Right. Okay, but Tony we've talked about this. I work for your team and I need to stay informed." You sighed stepping towards him to straighten his collar.

    "I know y/n but to be fair he's not very memorable!" Tony defended and you glared at him.

    Tugging harshly on his collar you yanked him down so he was eye to eye with you.

   "I don't care how memorable he is. I expect you to tell me these things and to be professional." Tony gulped but nodded.

    "Right. Gotcha." He choked out and you released his collar.

   Turning around you faced your guest, Loki. You'd heard about him before, none of it good. However you'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He was from Asgard and the brother of Thor. Those were the only things you knew for sure. Everything else you'd have to learn from him. Facing him you introduced yourself.

    "Hello Loki. I am y/n l/n of Midgard as I've heard Thor refer to it." You held out your hand to him.

Eyeing you warily he held his hand out as well but Tony yanked you back.

   "Your gloves." He warned you and you blinked. You totally forgot.

   "Oh. Right." You shook your head pulling a pair of gloves out.

    Why the gloves? Because you had the ability of reading emotions through touch. Skin to skin contact gave you a rush of emotions from that person. Good or bad whatever they were feeling you felt it just as much as they did.

    Tugging them on you reached out again.

   "Sorry about that. I didn't want to read your emotions without your consent." You explained nodding to the gloves.

   Loki seemed surprised but took your hand, shaking it.

   "Noted. I am Loki of Asgard." He introduced bowing slightly.

   You quirked a brow at that in amusement and smiled.

   "Nice to meet you. I'll set up a room for you as soon as possible but until then you may stay on my floor if you so choose. Although I'm sure Thor would be more than pleased to have you stay with him." You informed him easily.

   He winced at the mention of his brother but nodded.

   "I may take you up on that offer." He smirked and Tony snarled behind you.

   "Y/n I really don't think-" you turned to glare at your boss.

   "Tony. I believe it's in your best interest to stop before you begin. This could've been avoided had you actually told me what was going on but you didn't. That being said unless Loki chooses otherwise, he will stay with me." You crossed your arms and raised a brow, daring Tony to challenge you.

    The male frowned but just grumbled as he walked away. Smirking you turned to the god.

    "Okay. Now that we've taken care of that. Would you like to stay with me or your brother?" You inquired smiling.

   "You, if the offer still stands. My brother can be overbearing." Loki grimaced.

   "Of course. Follow me." You chirped walking over to the elevator.

    "We're on floor 8(first initial). It stands for what floor level it is and who it belongs to. When we get you set up I think you'll be either floor 9 or 6. Unless you choose to stay on my floor which you're more than welcome to do." You grinned at him before the elevator doors slid open and FRIDAY told you you'd arrived.

   Stepping out you led Loki through your living room and into the guest room.

    "You can stay here for now. You'll have your own bathroom, too. We can get you a different comforter set later but until then I hope you don't mind the (f/c) set." You blushed lightly before entering the room yourself and straightening it up.

    "I'll be right across the hall if you need anything. I'll set up a passcode to my floor that only you and I know until the others calm down. I'm sure they're not thrilled you're here. That way they won't bother you." You told him as you breezed past him into the kitchen.

    "Everything in here is open to you if you want it: coffee, tea, juice. I've got a lot." You opened the fridge to prove the point.

    Fifteen minutes later you'd finished showing him around so you led him to the couch.

    He'd kept a straight face for most of the tour so when you were done you bit your lip.

   "If there's anything you need just let me know. The others may be a bit harsh but they mean well most of the time." You laughed nervously as you flopped onto the couch yourself. Pulling a pillow to your chest, you hugged it before letting out a sigh.

   "Okie dokie. I have to get back to work, make sure the others didn't burn down the main floor. You can lounge around here until you feel comfortable enough to leave. If you need me just tell FRIDAY. He'll let me know." Standing up you left to check on the others.

   Tony had probably already told them and they were probably planning an ambush on your apartment at this very moment.

    Stepping into the elevator you spoke.

   "FRIDAY I'd like to set up a security measure. No one but me and Loki can enter the apartment or floor without exclusive permission. Understand?"

    "Yes miss l/n. Security measure is now in place." The robotic voice responded.

  Nodding the doors opened with a ding.

    Stepping into the main area you noticed everyone in the living room, tension spilling into the halls.

    "You let him come here!? After everything that happened in New York!" You heard Nat yell.

    "I didn't have much of a choice!" Tony groaned.

    "He won't do any harm! He's here in peace!" Thor reassured miserably.

   "Well he should leave in pieces!" Clint grumbled.

    Steve was silent as he sat on the couch with his arms crossed, Bucky beside him.

   Bruce was about to intervene but you clapped loudly to get their attention.

   "Hello my fellow colleagues and friends. How about we play nice and not threaten our guest!" You chirped a little to sweetly.

   Everyone faced you but Nat stood up first.

   "Are you crazy y/n!? Letting that lunatic stay in your apartment!" She growled as she glared you down.

    Glaring back at her you crossed your arms.

    "Yes. I am crazy. We've been through this time and time again and I go to therapy once every two weeks for what you call crazy." You snarled at her and she took a slight step back.

    The word "crazy" was a touchy word for you. You'd been called many things in your life time. Crazy, a lunatic, a freak, and many other things because of what you could do.

   "Y/n I didn't mean- it's just he's dangerous!" She tried to back pedal but what was done was done.

   "Whatever Nat. Loki," you emphasized his name, "is staying with me. He will be until he decides to leave. You all will treat him like a person or I swear I will destroy you." You warned.

   "Are we clear?" You glanced around the room and jumped when Loki spoke up behind you.

   "I'd prefer to be treated like a god, but a person works too." He smirked.

    "Loki." You greeted nodding at him.

   "Lady Y/n." He greeted back.

Thor's jaw seemed to drop as he glanced between you two.

   Loki respecting a midguardian? It seemed impossible.

   "Look at him acting like he owns the place!" Clint started but stopped when you stepped toward him taking a glove off.

   "Barton. Did I not make myself clear earlier?" You asked stalking closer.

   The male stood up and ran behind the couch.

   "Y/n we can talk about this. Just put the glove back on!" He plead as he glanced at the others for help.

   Not only did you have the ability to read and feel emotions but you could also inflict and resurface them. Clint had been through this treatment before due to his attitude and he hated it.

   "Answer the question." You snapped and he ducked behind Thor.

   "You're clear. Crystal." He promised. He really wished he had his bow and some arrows on him right now.

   "Good." You smiled pulling the glove back on.

    "Now it is Saturday night so I do believe it's a movie night is it not?" You chirped clapping your hands together enthusiastically.

   Everyone nodded not daring to say otherwise. Tony had hired you because you could round everyone up and calm things down.

    "Wonderful. Shall we?" You asked and everyone agreed. Pulling out (f/m) you put it in and hit play.

   You sat next to Loki on the farthest end of the couch due to everyone's apprehensiveness.

    About an hour in you began to nod off. Your head leaned against Loki's shoulder as your hair fell into your face.

   Loki had jumped at the contact but relaxed when he realized he wasn't in danger. He stayed as still as possible as not to wake you up. Another half an hour later and the credits were rolling.

    Glancing down at you Loki lightly removed you from his shoulder, lying you down on the couch. Then he scooped you up to take you upstairs. Maybe this was out of character for him but you'd been kind.

   Once you were in his arms your head lolled into his shoulder. He laughed quietly as he carried you to the elevator.

   "Woah reindeer games. What do you think you're doing?" Tony questioned standing up.

  Loki stopped turning around, and lifting a brow at the man.

   "I'm taking Lady y/n to her room?" Loki raised his brow in confusion.

   "We can take her up." Steve argued but Loki snickered.

   "Go ahead and try." He shrugged passing you to Tony.

   Tony gave him a smug look as he walked to the elevator with you. Five minutes later he returned, you still soundly asleep in his arms.

    "FRIDAY won't let me in." He grumbled.

    "Yes I am aware. I'll take Lady y/n up to bed now." Loki grinned before taking you from Tony.

    "Goodnight." He nodded before walking to the elevator again.

   "Night guys." You yawned waking up just a little.

      Taking you to your room Loki tucked you in after helping you take care of your nightly routine.

    "Night Loki." You slurred sleepily before hugging a pillow into your chest.

     You slept soundly for about 3 hours before you awoke to red flashing and blaring alarms.

    Panicking you flopped out of your bed and onto the floor.

    "Loki!" You yelled as you stumbled into the hall. Loki was running down the hall to your room, stumbling into you as the building shook.

    "What's going on!?" You yelped when glass shattered a floor down.

    "This hasn't happened in 3 months!" You groaned as Loki helped you up.

   As his hand grabbed yours your head went blank for a moment. Loki was scared. He was blaming himself for the attack. He worried that someone from his past was here to hurt him. He was worried about you. He-

    You jumped when Loki pulled on you hand.

   "Are you alright, Lady y/n?" He asked and you glanced up at him.

   "I'm okay. You?" You asked stepping closer to him and pressing your bare hand to his face.

    All of the emotions he was feeling were negative. You urged a calm through your finger tips and felt his shoulders relax.

   Then he tensed up and yanked your hand away from him.

   "We need to go to the others. Find out what all this noise is about." He snapped dropping your hand.

    Swiftly he walked to the elevator and hit a button hoping to make it to the main floor.

   Sliding open the doors granted access and you were on your way. Then you weren't. Something thudded on top of the metal box and the lights flickered.

    You yelped as the elevator bounced and then stumbled into Loki's chest.

   "Sorry." You groaned and then looked up. Whatever was on the roof was walking back and forth trying to figure out how to get in.

    "Got any sneaky tricks up your sleeve?" You asked pushing yourself off of the man.

    "Maybe. Depends on what it is." He shrugged before walking over to the elevator doors.

   He inspected them for a moment before somehow prying them open. From where you stood you couldn't tell how he did it.

    "Open says me." He joked half heartedly.

    Great doors were open. Not so great you were stuck between floors.

    "Up or down?" Loki asked and you glanced at him.

   "Down. We need to get to the others."

    Nodding he crouched down and slid out through the opening, about a foot and a half wide and two feet high.

    He landed gracefully on the, you assumed, 6th floor.

    "Come on out." He called stepping away from the opening.

   Taking a deep breath you crouched to slide out the way he had but shrieked when the elevator bounced again and then the sound of screaming metal filled the small space. Glass rained down around you.

    Shaking the glass out of your hair you looked up and choked on a scream. An arm had punctured the top of the elevator.

    "Shit!" You yelped pushing yourself backwards towards the small exit.

    "Lady y/n what's going on?!" You heard Loki ask but you miscalculated how high you were and fell on your butt.

    "We have to go. Now!" You exclaimed grabbing his sleeve and running for a stair case.

    The man followed you with almost no complaint as you ran to the stairwell.

   "We need to get to the third floor." You huffed as you began to run down the stairs skipping a few at a time.  

    Loki nodded checking behind you every few moments. On the 4th floor you nearly toppled over the railing when you came face to face with a creature of some kind.

    "Holy shit!" You fell backwards and Loki leapt the railing, landing in front of you. Suddenly he had two daggers in his hands as he impaled the critter.

    "Okay thanks!" You breathed out and he held his hand out to you.

   "Try to be more aware of your surroundings." He suggested as he pulled you up.

    You nodded and he took the lead. You followed him to the third floor entrance and he cautiously opened the door. Inside the Avengers were battling it out.

    "We have to get upstairs. Y/n can't defend herself!" You heard Nat snarl as she attacked yet another enemy.

   It was probably stupid on your part but you cupped your hands over your mouth and shouted "I take offense to that!" at her.

   Everything stopped for a moment as everyone turned to face you and Loki face palmed.

    "Ignorant mortal." You heard him grumble.

   Then he swooped you up into his chest and began to 'dance' around your opponents. You yelped when an axe got a little too close.

    When you were beside the others Loki passed you on to Thor.

   "Protect the midguardian." Loki had demanded before looking to you.

"You, stay out of trouble!" He smirked before involving himself to the main battle.

    "I-" you started but cried out when Thor threw you up into the air.

  "Oh my god!" You shrieked as your stomach dropped. You know the feeling. Like going straight down on a roller coaster.

    You met Loki's wide eyes mid air and then you completed the fall straight into Tony's armored arms.

    "I'm going to have a heart attack." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath.

    Tony laughed at you setting you down.

   "Try to stay out of danger, Chéri petite!" He warned before blasting off into a different direction.

    *Chéri petite should translate to little darling! Or in Google translates case darling little one!*

    You sucked in a breath before taking in your surroundings. No one was going to be able to protect you. Glancing around you noted a decorative sword on the other side of the room, so you sprinted towards it. You yelped when something, someone grabbed you though.

     Swiveling on your heel you turned and saw one of the creatures gripping your thigh. Shrieking you slammed your palm onto it's face and channeled your fear into it. The creature let out a miserable scream as it flinched back letting you go.

    You'd never used your power as a defence before but it did the job. Whipping back around you came face to face with a clone of Loki.

   "Shit!" You yelped and jumped in surprise when it stabbed at you.

    Stumbling back you fell onto your ass again and scrambled behind the couch as the clone threw a dagger at you.

    "Loki what the shit is this!?" You screamed and the man turned in surprise, glowering when he saw the clone.

   Sure he had the same ability but this was no clone of his.

   You let out another cry when the couch was shoved away and 3 of the critters surrounded you. Turning to your team members you smirked, although it looked more like a grimace.

    "Guys! This is not what I had in mind for movie night but talk about live action!" You giggled before turning to your opponents.

   "Give me a minute to hype myself up?" You asked and then yelped when one of the things jumped at you.

   "Or not!" You dodged and slammed your hand onto it's back. Surging an extra dose of terror into it's spine.

    Yelping it wobbled away before collapsing. You'd scared the damn thing to death.

    Turning to the other two you ran at them, sliding underneath the one and grabbing it's ankle.

   This time you channeled anger at the other one through it. Turning to the second the first one attacked it, tearing it apart.

    Breathing heavily you pushed yourself up.

     "Okay two down one to-" you screamed as you slammed into the hard floor, your arm being pinned to your back.

    "That's a neat trick you have there." The voice hissed careful not to make skin to skin contact with you.

    You whimpered trying to see what or who was on top of you. You barely caught sight of the green outfit before the person was knocked off.

    "Hands off." You heard Loki snarl before pulling you up into his chest. Then you yelped in surprise when he pulled you behind him.

   "Didn't I tell you to stay out of danger?" Loki chastised as he held one arm in front of him, a dagger in hand, and the other behind him as he guarded you.

   "Actually you said trouble." You corrected your hands on his back.

    Shaking his head he sized up his clone. It matched him so much he may have thought it was a reflection. Maybe it was.

    "Lady y/n I'm going to ask you to run to Thor. Think you can handle that?" Loki asked as he pulled out another dagger.

   "Probably. Will you be okay?" You inquired.

   He nodded and you bit your lip.

"Okay. Be safe!" You whispered wrapping your arms around his waist and then running off to find Thor.

   Of course that was easier said than done. Several times you'd tripped or gotten attacked by another monster.

   Finally you got sick of everything running at you trying to run you through.

   "Fucking hell, STOP!" You screamed throwing your arms out.

   Everyone froze. Not because you froze them with an unknown ability. Nope. You just froze them with shock.

   You'd pulsed all of your annoyance and fear throughout the whole room.

   With everyone frozen you found Thor and ran to him.

"Don't throw me this time!" You huffed and the God nodded still confused.

Glancing around the room you noted at least thirty enemies left. Taking in your surroundings you ran to the left and grabbed a bow and a quiver from one of the fallen.

Nocking the arrow you pulled the string back, surprised at how in tune the bow seemed to be with you.

Shaking off the surprise you aimed at the closest enemy. Letting the string go the arrow flew and hit the creature in the head. Your eyes widened. You'd been aiming for it's leg.

You grinned and nocked another arrow. Aiming at another you aimed at it's chest and winced when the arrow whizzed past and hit a different target in the leg.

At least you still hit something! You yelped when 3 or 4 of the opposing enemies began to run at you. Apparently they didn't like being shot at by humans.

"Thor!" You yelled and ducked when he threw his hammer as you. It quickly flung into the bad dudes turning their heads to goo before flying back into Thor's hand.

"Thanks!" You breathed out as he offered you his other hand, pulling you up.

"No problem, lady y/n." He smiled before going to help somewhere else.

Pulling out another arrow you took a deep breath before nocking it.

"Please please let me be useful!" You groaned before pulling back and aiming at one of the monsters creeping up on Loki.

"Oh no you don't!" You whispered before letting go. Thankfully the arrow his exactly where you wanted it too.

Bullseye!

Quickly you reevaluated the room and noted that there were about 14 left. Then 12. Then 9. The numbers dwindled to nothing and you huffed. Collapsing to your knees you took deep breaths.

Last time this happened you hadn't left your room. Talk about action packed.

Loki scanned the room before finding you and panicked when he saw you on your hands and knees.

Teleporting to you he lightly fretted over you, barely touching.

Looking up at him you smirked.

"I just kicked some serious ass!" You giggled and his eyes widened in surprise before he relaxed.

"You did indeed, little mortal." He smiled brushing some of your hair back.

Grinning you launched yourself into his arms, hugging him.

He toppled over falling onto his back, with you on top of him. Pushing yourself up so you were hovering over him you laughed.

"Kiss me?" You asked and then it was his turn to smirk.

"Of course, M'lady." He purred as he propped himself up on one elbow. Grabbing you by the back of the neck he pulled you down to meet his lips.

You smiled into the kiss. It was perfect considering the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

Then you heard some whoops and cheers, some coughing, and some complaining.

Pulling apart you looked up to see your colleagues with varying reactions.

Rolling your eyes you looked down at the God beneath you.

Looking him up and down you looked him in the eyes before grinning mischievously.

"How about we take this up to my room?" You suggested and the man quirked a brow.

"Anything you want, Dove." He smirked wrapping his arms around you and teleporting away.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

It’s Always Been You ~ 149

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,820ish

Summary: Y/N sacrificed herself to end it all. But is she really dead?

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time.

Once the blinding white light subsided, the heroes all looked around as the enemy quickly turned to dust. Strange let Tony go from his magic hold, the two men watching Y/N collapse onto the ground.

“Y/N!!” Tony cried, rushing over to his wife. As he lifted her up to cradle her in his arms, he noticed the Stones were still seared into her arm and blood was trickling out of her nose and ears. “Honey, come on.”

Steve was the next to notice the scene. “No!” He exclaimed as he ran over, causing others to see as well. “Y/N!” He fell to his knees beside the couple. Tears ran down both mens faces, creating pathways through the dirt and grime covering them.

“She’s not breathing….”

“What?” Bucky gasped, suddenly appearing near them.

“She’s not breathing…” Tony rocked back and forth, Y/N held close. “Don’t do this… please… I can’t— You can’t—“ He sobbed into the base of her limp neck as he clung to her and begged.

Clint was the first to get down on one knee in respect, the other heroes slowly following. Some bowed their heads, others shed tears, but they all felt an immense amount of pain and sorrow. Their hearts cracked a little more each time they heard a sob, whimper, or sniffle from one of the three men that loved Y/N the most.

With a hand on Steve’s shoulder, Bucky collapsed next to his friend. “No…” he cried. “Doll…”

~~~

“Mom!” The boy’s voice was worried. It sounded like it was underwater. “Mom! Wake up!” She groaned as someone began shaking her, still not opening her eyes. “Come on, mom! You did it! Wake up!”

“W-what…?” She rasped. She slowly blinked, trying to get her eyes used to the light and the orange tint around her. When her eyes finally focused on the boy leaned over her, she gasped. “AJ?”

“Hey, mom,” he smiled.

“Where…” Y/N pushed herself up, with AJ’s help. She studied her surroundings. She was at the cabin, laying on the grass. But it wasn’t the cabin. “How did I—“

“You used the Stones. You did it, mom.”

“I did it,” she breathed out.

“Now you have a choice,” the Ancient One’s voice said. AJ and Y/N turned their heads to see Phil, Natasha, and the Ancient One standing there.

“Phil, Natasha?”

“Hey, Y/N,” she greeted. “You did good.”

“You did,” the Ancient One agreed. “And now the Stones have given you a choice.”

AJ helped Y/N to her feet. “What kind of choice?” She asked.

“Whether to stay here or go back… there are consequences, good and bad for either choice.”

“I can’t make that call,” she shook her head. “I have family—children on either side of that equation. Why are they giving me a choice?”

“Because your journey is not over with the Stones, but they want it to be up to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you choose to go back, you will be granted certain abilities. That you will not need the Stones to use. You will not be as powerful as you are when you channel all the Stones, but you will still be very powerful.”

“And if I stay?”

“Your daughter would lose her mother and your husband, his wife. The whole team would be affected. But, there are many significant events that would still play out. They will just be harder—longer, without your help.”

“Mom,” AJ tugged on her hand, turning Y/N’s attention to him. “If you’re worried about me, I’ll be fine. I have Uncle Phil, Auntie Nat, Grandma and Grandpa Rogers and Stark!”

“Stark? Like… Howard?”

“Yes.” The boy nodded. “He didn’t want to be here just incase he could be a distraction. Said something like you always had a thing for Starks.”

Y/N laughed. “He wishes.” She took a deep breath and looked around. This would be a hard decision either way, but she knew what she had to do. She looked at her son before looking back at the Ancient One. “How much time do I have?”

“You have until they take the Stones back,” the Ancient One responded.

“Okay,” she nodded. Y/N gazed down at her son, grabbing his hand. “How about we go for a walk AJ?”

~~~

“Tony,” Rhodey gently called, coming to a stop a foot or to away from the three men. “We need to get her to a hospital. Or home.”

The man shook his head. “I’m not letting go of her,” Tony replied. “And I— I can’t… Morgan needs her mother.”

“She also needs her father.”

“Mr. Stark?” Peter called, coming up beside Rhodey. It was clear that he had been crying as well. “You don’t have to let her go… you—you can carry her the whole way.”

“They have a point, Tony,” Steve agreed through the tears. “We need to get her and the Stones out of the open, just in case.”

“They asked too much of her,” Tony mumbled as he continued to rock. “Too damn much…”

Steve stood up and walked around to help Tony stand, Bucky joining him. Tony didn’t resist, standing and fixing Y/N’s position in his arms. The other heroes watched, their hearts breaking further as they realized how limp Y/N truly was. But upon further observation, Wanda noticed something.

“She’s being preserved,” she whispered.

“What was that Wanda?” Clint asked, standing beside her.

“She’s dead, but she’s being preserved. Her coloring is too normal.”

“Are you saying there’s a chance we could bring her back?” Sam asked, joining them.

“Not we,” Wanda shook her head. Her eyes were glued to Y/N as she was carried away. “It’s all her… it’s all up to her…”

~~~

AJ lead Y/N around, talking her here off about anything and everything. And she was enjoying every minute of it. Eventually, the two came to a stop at the edge of the pier. They sat down, letting their feet touch the water.

“AJ… You know I love you, right?” Y/N nervously said.

“Yes,” he answered with confidence.

“And that I would never want to leave you?”

“Mom,” AJ looked at her, firmly, “you need to go. Morgan, Dad, Uncle Steve, and Uncle Bucky need you more than I do. I’ll be fine.”

“Uncle Bucky?” Y/N chuckled.

“He’ll be okay, mom. He will… Bucky understands that he kept you waiting too long, too many times.”

She pulled the boy into her side, kissing the top of his head. “You’re so much stronger and wiser than me… I love you. So very much.”

AJ hugged his mother. “I love you too.” 

~~~

Happy and Pepper immediately sensed that something was wrong when the quinjet landed and Rhodey was the first one out. He walked to the house and simply asked them to keep Morgan away from any of the windows and the garage. They didn’t question it, already knowing they weren’t ready for any answers that may come.

Rhodey went straight to the garage, Bucky and Steve joining him. They cleared off desks and tables, putting them together. Steve grabbed blankets and a pillow, laying them out on the large table they created. FRIDAY then informed Tony that he was clear to bring Y/N in. Bruce was with him as Tony carried Y/N in, having noticed how much the man was trembling. Bruce was scared that he’d have to carry two bodies in.

Tony gently laid Y/N on the table. He began pulling a blanket up to her chest, pausing when he noticed the Stones still seared into his wife’s arm. He clenched his teeth and let out an angry, grief-filled cry. Tony raised his hand had shot around the room, everyone having to duck.

“Tony!” / “Shit!” / “Woah!”

“Tony, you need to—“

“Daddy?”

Everyone froze at the little voice. Tony was breathing heavily  as he clenched his eyes closed, unable to turn himself around and face his daughter. Morgan was being held by Happy, clinging to his neck as she stared at Tony’s back. The others quickly moved so that Y/N’s body was blocked from Morgan’s view.

“Get her out of here, Hap,” Rhodey ordered. “We’ll all be in soon.”

“No, Daddy,” Morgan pushed. “Where’s mom?”

Tears cascaded down Tony’s cheeks as he thought about having to tell his daughter that she had lost both her auntie Nat and her mother in the same day. Steve, trying to hold strong, quickly took control of the situation.

“How about we going inside, Mo?” Steve suggested, stepping up. He was still all dirty from the battle. “I’ll hurry and clean up while you and Pepper get dinner situated. I’ll come join you after.”

“But dad—“

“You’re dad… He just needs a moment. Okay? He’ll be in soon too.”

Though a bit hesitant to, Morgan agreed. Steve let out a sigh a relieve before following Happy back inside. He couldn’t fall apart, not when Tony and Morgan needed him. 

“You should get out of the suit, Tony,” Rhodey said. “Get cleaned up.”

“I…” Tony spoke quietly, still not opening his eyes. “I can’t tell her… I can’t bare to see her face about Nat. I can’t imagine telling her about—about Y/N…”

“You won’t have to do it alone.” Rhodey set a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up."

~~~

“You shouldn’t have done what you did,” Y/N told Natasha as they walked allow the edge of the lake together.

“If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have gotten everything back,” she responded. “It was worth it.”

“As long as you believe so… Morgan will be devastated, so will the Bartons.”

“They’ll mourn, you all will. But it will make you all stronger. Individually and together.”

Y/N grabbed Nat’s hand and stopped her. “You are the sister I always wanted. You were always there for me, basically since I left the ice. Thank you.”

“Oh, Y/N,” Natasha wrapped Y/N up, pulling her close. “Thank you.”

“I’ll keep your memory alive.”

“You better. And I’ll keep an eye on AJ. He’s a great kid.”

“I know… I only wish that I had more to do with that."

~~~

Everything around him was muted. Color, light, sound. Everything, as Tony finished dressing himself after his shower. He didn’t want to believe it—he couldn’t. Y/N could not be gone. Not his wife… After everything they had survived—she had survived. How was he now suppose to go on without her? How was he suppose to help his daughter do the same?

A soft knock sounded on the bedroom door, before Pepper peeked her head in.

“Tony?” She called. “I’m just checking in on you. Do you need anything?”

“Where’s Morgan?” Tony’s horse voice was quiet as exited the bathroom.

“Downstairs with Steve, Bruce, Happy, and Rhodey. They’re putting dinner together.”

“Where’d Barnes go?”

The redhead sighed. “He won’t leave Y/N’s side.” Tony inhaled sharply as his eyes closed. “Tony…” Pepper slowly made his way over to him. “What do you want to do?”

“I want… I want my wife back… I want Morgan to have her mother…” A tear slipped through his closed eyes. “And I— I would do anything to trade her places…”

“I wish that I could bring her back, I really do, Tony. And I know that you need time to grief, but Morgan needs her father. She’s confused and those men downstairs keep staring at her with pity. She’s smart and has started questioning it.” Pepper moved so that she was standing in front of Tony. “Just go down and hold her.”

“I need to see Y/N first.”

“Okay. Let’s go then."

~~~

“Why must we always say goodbye?” Y/N asked Coulson as they sat on the steps of the cabin.

“I don’t know,” Phil answered. “But it seems like we always say hello again.”

“It does,” she nodded. “Thank you for taking care of AJ.”

“He’s a good kid. Though, too much like you and Tony.” He chuckled. “Always finding some way to get into trouble.”

“And you’re always there to help get him out of it, I’m sure.” Y/N laughed. “Some things never change.” She sighed as she moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. “Are the others okay?”

“They’re great… they miss us though, that much is clear.”

“I miss them too.”

“I check on them every once and awhile. They’ve all gone on their separate ways, but they’re still a team. They’re still our team.”

“Always.”

~~~

Bucky couldn’t bare to leave Y/N’s side. Not like this. Never like this. It wasn’t suppose to be her. She had a daughter, a husband. For a few moments, he let himself hold her hand and cry. But then be decided to put himself to use. Bucky found a few towels and wet them. Gently, he cleaned off any skin he could see, being extremely careful around the Stones still imbedded in her arm.

He then brushed her hair out. Bucky couldn’t stand the thought of Morgan seeing her mother untidy. Tony entered the room not too long later. The men stayed on opposite sides, focusing on the woman in the middle.

“I forgive you,” Tony said quietly. Bucky’s head snapped up to look at Stark, who was still focused on Y/N.

“Wh-what?” Bucky stammered. “H-how… I… I killed your parents…”

“Trust me. I tried to hold it against you, and Steve for keeping the secret… But… Y/N… she never held it against you. Even though it was Howard. She never did.”

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Don’t say that too loud. Y/N might come back and smack some sense into you…”

“I wish she would… She, uh… we ran into each other before the fight… I know that it was always going to be you. You’re good for her.”

Tony scoffed. “No I’m not. She’s too good for me.”

“That might be true,” Bucky nodded. “Your, uh, your daughter… she’s pretty.”

“She is. You know, Barnes, we don’t have to make small talk. We can just sit here and wish for her to wake up, together.”

“Good, cause I was running out of things to say.” Tony sat down. “Thank you though… for forgiving me… I’m still working on forgiving myself for it all…”

“You’re welcome.”

~~~

Coulson, Natasha, AJ, the Ancient One, and Y/N were all gathered together in front of the cabin.

“I guess this is it then,” Y/N said, nodding as she tried not to cry. “I don’t want to have to say good-bye to y’all again.”

“It’s not good-bye, mom,” AJ smiled. “We’ll see each other again.”

“You’re right… you’re always right. I love you, my son. I’ll see you—“

“You think you can leave without me actually making an appearance?” A voice came from behind Y/N.

She gasped, slowly turning around. “Howard?”

“Hey, Y/N,” he stepped forward. He was young, the Howard that Y/N was most used to. “Seems like my favorite Rogers is still getting into trouble.”

“Always.” They stared at each other for a moment before Y/N brought him into a hug. “Oh, Howard.”

“I remember,” he whispered. “I died and it all came back to me.”

“What?” She pulled away slightly.

“You erased my memory when you appeared in 1970. After I had talked to Tony.”

“You know.”

“I do. Way to not lie to me. You wouldn’t have met Tony without me, for multiple reasons. And I did end up knowing him.”

“I couldn’t lie to you. I just couldn’t tell you the truth either.”

“I understand. I guess I’ll let you go back now. Tony and Morgan need you.”

“Yeah… they do.”

“Can you… uh… can you tell Tony how proud I am of him?”

“Of course.”

Howard leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her cheek. He smiled before he turned around and headed over to a woman standing near a tree not too far off. Y/N knew that must’ve been Maria. She waved, Maria waving back.

“Okay…” Y/N breathed out. “It’s time…”

~~~

“How is she?” Wanda asked, coming into the garage.

“How do you think, Maximoff?” Tony responded, annoyed. “She’s dead.”

“No she’s not.” Both me sat up straighter and looked at Wanda.

“What are you talking about?”

“Haven’t either of you noticed how her body isn’t acting out a normal dead body would?”

The two men shared a look before focusing back on Wanda. “No,” Bucky replied. “We haven’t.”

“Well, the Stones are—“

Y/N gasped, head lurching up before coming back down to the table again. She coughed as she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings.

“Y/N!” The men exclaimed.

“And just when I was beginning to explain it all,” Wanda mumbled.

next chapter >

I appreciate all likes, comments, asks, and reblogs! Thank you for all the positive support!

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU TAG LIST:

BOTH:

@23victoria​

@azure23x​

@booknerd-3000​

@thewidowsghost​

@tuttifuckinfruttifriday​

@i-dumb-bitch​

@marinettepotterandplagg​

@booksarebae2000​

@roxytheimmortal​

@love-couldbe-my-weakness​

@bellamy-barnes​

@loveisallyouneed1125​

@paintballkid711​

@stuckupstucky​

@austynparksandpizza​

@sydney-m​

@fangirl-swagg​

@livinglikebritishroyalty​

@cspr-2​

@supernaturallover2002​

@laic2299​

@aubreeskailynn (won’t link)

@capstopavenger​

@bestofbucky​​

@irishfaulk97​​

@a--1--1--3​

@marauvdersfate​

@hallecarey1​​

@mjaudrey​

@osugahunnyicedtea​​

TONY:

@bispences (won’t link)

@topstory21​

@supernatural-bangtanboys​

@marvellover04 (won’t link)

@rapunzelskywalker1234 (won’t link)

@theofficialzivadavid​

@emmuut​

@mikariell95​

@celineann91​

[iriel3000]

She's Not Her

Summary: Clint spends too much time with the Black Widow look-alike from Rogers the Musical and Kate doesn't like it. @be-compromised Valentine's mini promptathon 2022.

Based on and inspired by @alphaflyer prompt Grills gets straight to the point. "There's someone in Central Park, LARPing as the Black Widow. Thought you should know." With apologies to Alpha, I didn't use the prompt as written but hope I kept with the spirit.

Triggers: This is NOT a Valentine's fic. If you are looking for good guy Clint...run away. You will also not find morally upstanding Clint or family man Clint.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Excerpt:

Incoming text from Grills Small fire. Had to clean up. Sorry going to be late

Clint no problem. gotta run to Kate’s. meet you at park on way

Barton was in New York for a couple of weeks helping his new protégé, Kate Bishop, with Avengers recruitment training. Before arriving, Clint made Grills a special retractable sword for LARPing as a thank you for sticking his neck out during Christmas.

Not wanting attention, Hawkeye threw his hoodie overhead and strolled downtown. Central Park was alive with joggers, moms with strollers, yoga classes and artists. A gaggle of oddly dressed role players greeted him heartily.

Orville called for a break.

“How's it going?” Grills walked over to shake his hand. Clint passed him a compact rod. “Is this it? This is awesome!”

Grills whipped the sword to full extension, testing a graceful slice through the air, killing his next imaginary foe.

“Glad to help.” Clint nodded, trying not to be too amused by the young man’s enthusiasm. “What’s going on today?”

“Drills for the upcoming tournament at Niagara Falls. We had some new people join the group so Missy set extra practice times.” Grills closed the sword then opened it again. “Speaking of, one of them is Cynthia’s roommate. She’s been bugging me to meet you.”

Clint made a face. He wasn’t good at meeting ‘fans’. He preferred if Kate were here for that.

“She’ll understand if not, might be weird.”

“Let me guess. Archer?”

“No.” Grills said slowly and jutted his chin towards a group of girls. “Her.”

Barton’s vision narrowed and everything around faded. The Black Widow from Rogers the Musical chatted with another Viking, pretending not to notice them talking about her. A far away voice called his name.

“Clint.”

Focusing on Grills, Hawkeye choked down the nauseous feeling that threatened to overwhelm him.

“If she’s a friend of yours, sure.”

“Come on, it’s cool.” Grills waved.

The twenty-something bounced over but stopped short, suddenly becoming shy.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Clint.” He offered his hand.

“Hi,” she smiled, holding his hand more than shaking it, “I’m Nadia.”

Hawkeye couldn’t help but stare. He’d seen many black widow look-alikes over the years but never one so dangerously close to the real thing, even her name was reminiscent of his partner.

“Grills said you saw Rogers over break.” She clasped her hands behind her back looking up at him with long lashed blue eyes. “Did you like it?”

Nadia bit her bottom lip. Clint found himself wanting to nibble on it too. He cleared his throat trying to remember the question.

“I liked the way you danced…I mean, Nat was a ballerina. You did a good job. She would’ve liked your dancing.”

“That means so much coming from you, thank you.” She beamed and touched his arm. Clint swallowed hard. “We changed a few things since the first performance. I could leave tickets for you and Kate? If you’re not too busy.”

Kate. Shit.

“Sounds good. Can I get your number from Grills and let you know when? I’m supposed to be at Kate’s now.”

She looked from Grills to Clint and back to Grills, nudging the tall firefighter.

“Actually, we're heading to McCaffrey's when we're done here. Why don’t you and Kate stop by later?”

“She and I have an early recruit session tomorrow.” It was a lame excuse but he was uncomfortable with how much he wanted to see the singing Black Widow again.

“They have really good pizza…” The pretty actress baited.

It had been months since he ate a good New York slice.

“We’ll swing by.” Clint conceded, tearing his gaze from Natash…Nadia. “See you both then.”

At Kate’s, Clint put the final touches on her indoor range. She wanted to order dinner but he suggested McCaffrey’s with the group.

“Grills will be there?” She perked up.

“He said make sure to bring you.” Barton didn't feel the need to tell her about the Rogers tickets yet.

“Let me get changed!” Kate bounded off to her room.

The LARPers had their own section on the upper level. Whether it was because they were regulars or because the staff wanted them separate from the locals, Clint wasn't positive.

They found their way to Missy, Wendy and Orville. Kate, having been on the west coast the past few months, screamed and ran into their arms.

“I missed you guys so much!”

Grills came up from behind and handed Clint a beer. Kate and Missy sauntered down to the dance floor with the rest of their group.

“Thanks.” Clint took a sip. “Missy work you hard?”

“And then some.” He scoffed. “I’m about ready to pass out. I don’t know how all these girls are out on the floor. Shoot, especially Nadia. Dancing six days a week in the show and Missy’s strict practice times?”

Clint huffed a laugh, eyes sweeping the place but he knew where she was. He spotted Nadia the moment he walked in, tracking her in his peripheral as he spoke to the boys. He tried to get involved with the conversation but his eyes were drawn to the dance floor below.

Nadia stood out amongst the pulsating crowd, dancing in a short black skirt and barely there halter. She caught his eye and waved, letting her hand run down her neck and between her breasts.

Clint took a long swig of beer.

Her voluptuous hips swayed to the awful music. Wavy red hair slipped through her fingers as she raised her arms over head and arched her back. It was like watching Natasha seduce a mark.

Except this time, the target was Clint.

She danced with Kate and Wendy, rejecting every man that approached, staying in Hawkeye’s view the entire time looking up occasionally to make sure she had his attention.

“Am I right?” Orville hit Clint’s shoulder knocking him out of his trance.

Clint automatically agreed, to the dismay of the three around them.

The girls came back up and they all made their way to a big table. Kate sat next to Grills. Nadia maneuvered next to Clint near the end.

They talked, closing themselves off from the others. She scooted within his space, resting her bare knees on the inside of his, looking completely enamored of him.

“You need my number, don’t forget. For the tickets.” She added quickly.

Clint took her phone and called his. She leaned in, reached through his arm and pressed VIP next to his name, smiling. She was so close he could feel her breath.

A jab to his ribs made Barton sit up straight and jerk his head.

“Ready to go? We have to be at the course early.” Kate shot Nadia a dirty look.

Knowing he would only get himself in trouble if he stayed, Clint agreed and stood to say goodbye. He held up his phone with a little shake to Nadia as he walked out.

Making sure no one was looking, she held up her phone and waved goodbye.

Please click link below for rest of story...it only gets worse from here.

Check out all of the prompts too!!

[anika-ann]

My Timid Hello, My Clumsy Goodbye (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, canon semi-compliant?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Barton!reader    Word count: 8900 (...sorry)

Summary: You’re spending the evening and the night before your wedding with the two most important men of your life.

When the sun rises again, you’ll say your ‘I do’ in a close circle of friends and family. It’s not a goodbye to your old life and it’s not a hello to some enormous change; but you will no longer be a Barton. You will be a Rogers. Why not reminisce a bit? 

Warnings: mention of an abandoned baby, blood and injuries, alcohol, implied possibly rougher sex (nothing graphic) ...mature?, language, so much sappiness... let me know if I missed any

A/N: For what-is-your-backupplan-today 10th anniversary of CA:TFA challenge. Prompts in bold. Thank you for coming up with this wonderful theme and hosting this challenge! Long live CA:TFA!

A/N: Throughout the fic, you’ll find snippets of lyrics from SYML’s "Everything All At Once”. Honestly, the song has a completely different meaning to me, but tearing it out of context works for this story just fine :) When you’re done reading, I recommend the music video. It friggin’ broke me in the worst and best ways. Enjoy!

This is my hello This is my clumsy goodbye I'm putting my glass down I wanna remember tonight

Tony rented an island for you. Clint nearly passed out learning about it and grumbled for days about having a hard time to top that, which, no arguing, was understandable.

It was an incredibly extravagant thing to do, throwing around money that could have been used for a much more honourable cause, but you couldn’t complain. One should not look a gifted horse into mouth – and so you didn’t.

Because Tony Stark renting an island was his premature wedding gift. The fact that your brother bitched about not being able to top that, well, that was his problem. You were certain that deep down, he knew you didn’t need any fancy gifts like that.

Then again, Tony’s gift might have been epically overpriced, but not exactly unthoughtful; along with a private island came a private jet and you being literally flied under radar so no single paparazzi knew where you and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers would seal the deal with your ‘I do.’ So, you were everything but ungrateful to your friend that he succeeded at pulling off such covert operation; and frankly, this place was nothing short of wonderful.

The golden sand was pleasantly warm under your toes as you as you and Clint walked towards the two single beach chairs facing the ocean. Wearing bikini under the baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, sunglasses on top of your head, because why would you deprive yourself the gorgeous view of the sun beginning to set down, you followed your brother – not in blood but in every other sense – to the seats, allured by the view, the serenity and the cold sixpack in his hand.

You had already had a traditional bachelorette party with your girls – with the team, with your family. Natasha, Wanda, Pepper, Sharon and Maria. The night had been the perfect blend of what was considered typically feminine, dress up, fanciness and wine and gossip, and a fun night out with shots, dancing, karaoke and pool. That particular night sadly was interrupted shortly by an annoying photographer, but he soon understood it was not very clever to annoy three and a half Avengers or the CEO of Stark Industries for that matter.

Clint however… Clint deserved a special evening with you. With the rest of the team in various state of chilling out, scattered around the luxurious small houses and gorgeous beaches, you two were left the privacy such moment required.

Even if the special moment consisted of simple talking and drinking beer while watching the sun set, a symbolic end of one phase of your life – a phase that was undeniably tied to the famous and yet barely known archer, one of the seven defenders who rushed into the Battle of New York to save the Earth.

One of the seven had been your brother, having previously been controlled by the monster who brought an army from outer space; there was no questioning whether you would join the fight or not, no matter how you preferred the latter part of your field medic job title to the former.

Another of these brave people, as it turned out, was your future husband. A man you had met for the first time that day, but whom you didn’t hesitate to push back down when he got hit by a freaking alien weapon and stood up, wanting to shake it off as if it was nothing. Your medical training told you not to let him; and your stubbornness had been just a touch stronger than his that day.

Apparently, Steve found you always standing your ground to be one of your most endearing qualities.

What a fancy way to express it instead of simply calling you a stubborn pain in his ass.

“You’re lost in your head, Twinkie,” Clint hummed, playfully nudging your ribs with an elbow, bringing you back to the present.

Your nose automatically scrunched at the childhood nickname.

“You gotta stop calling me that, Bobo,” you retorted, a grin spreading on your face as it was his turn to grimace.

You knew it was nothing but an act and that he in fact loved that nickname, because it held so much sentiment, so many memories… as did his endearment for you.

Bobo had been your first word or so Clint always claimed. Obviously, you wouldn’t remember.

You wouldn’t remember your parents, having been only two days old when your mother left you with a damn circus which was in your hometown at the time. You couldn’t recall how you wouldn’t stop crying until you heard a seven-year-old Clint humming a lullaby for you, with silly replacements of lyrics that always made you laugh later on when you could understand them.

How he started calling you Twinkie, because he was a sugar addict and apparently, you were sweet and small and he liked you; so much that he soon appointed himself to be your brother, your bro, your Bobo.

Once you were older and learned that your involuntary nickname for him also meant ‘crazy’ in Spanish, you were sold to that Bobo endearment forever.

Including the night before your wedding.

“You keep zoning out on me, Kid. Getting cold feet?” Clint hummed, casually handing you a can of beer, opening it up for you.

You automatically reached out and took a sip, eyes fixed on the warm colour on the horizon. What a ridiculous question… but kind and caring, with a hidden promise of getting you out of here if you just asked. Your amazing, protective, crazy brother.

You couldn’t but smile widely, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

“You offering to kidnap the bride, Clint? I’d like to see you try. You were always better at trapeze than at being an escape artist.”

Clint scoffed. “Please. These are amateurs. I bet I could pull it off.”  

That drew a laugh from you.

“Are you calling the Avengers amateurs? Better yet, are you calling your wife an amateur?” you teased him, watching his face lose colour when he realized that he did exactly that. You leaned over and patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Bobo. I won’t tell Nat.”

Clint visibly relaxed, but a shadow of worry twisting his expression.

“Seriously though. Where’s your head at, Kid?”

You just shrugged, smile resting on your lips as you wondered if you ever felt so relaxed. It went along well with the reminiscing of the past and despite the fact that tomorrow was a big day and you should probably be nervous, you weren’t. Not in the slightest, more like the opposite. You were giddy even; it dawned to you that nothing in your life had ever felt so right.

No moment in your life offered you such serenity to your heart, your shoulders free of any weight, body light as air.

“Just taking a trip down the memory lane. Thinking about how lucky I was to be dropped at your circus of all circuses of the world,” you grinned at Clint, your tone remaining completely serious.

Because you were being serious – words couldn’t express how grateful for everything that led to this moment you were. How grateful you were to your brother for watching over you, making sure you would always see the light of a new day, guiding you when you found yourself in a dark.

Clint didn’t react beside his fingers twitching and you knew he was giving you the chance to say what you needed to say.

“About how you taught me pretty much everything I know. About how while I might not be the best person in the world, my brother, who is the best brother ever, made me into a decent person and I owe him everything I am. And how I should probably feel guilty for tying myself to another guy who just swept in and whisked away your little sister.”

Clint stared at you, gulping as his eyes gradually filled with tears. You found yourself in a very cheesy moment, bordering on absurd and it was almost too much to handle – but Clint took a deep breath, cleared his throat and swallowed his tears.

“Well, that bastard did steal my greatest life achievement with way too little effort,” he remarked, voice cracking slightly, the image of him causing your eyes to burn as well even if his words made you both tear up and burst out laughing.

“Dammit, Clint, stop making me laugh and cry at the same time…”

“You started it!” he pointed his index finger at you accusingly, taking a large sip of his beer to drown his sentiment. “But for the record, you should not feel guilty. It’s not like you’re leaving me.”

“I know, but-“

“And if you were, you’d be leaving me in good hands.”

“That’s true, Natasha does have a grip on you and might keep you outta trouble-“

“She’s the one who gets me into trouble half of the time!” Clint cried out in protest and you would have argued if it wasn’t the truth.

But before he had met her, Clint was able to make up his own trouble just fine – he was more than half of a reason why while doing a bit of trapeze yourself, you also grew interested in medical care. Because who else than the little sister should treat her big brother’s wounds when he got too crazy?

“In all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Twinkie,” he said sincerely, one corner of his lips raised in a lopsided smile. “You’re entirely entitled to have your own life and if there’s one guy in this whole damn world I’m willing to trust to have you… well, I guess it’s that big blond dumbass.”

“He can be a bit dumb of ass occasionally, can’t he?” you mused lovingly. “I guess it’s right what they say… we do pick our partners similar to our parents, maybe not only in looks. I didn’t really have a dad, I had you, so…”

Clint sighed, smile widening, before it slipped from his face as he caught up on the not-so-hidden insult.

“Hey!”

You couldn’t but laugh at his shocked expression, accidently spilling a splosh of beer on the sand.

“Just… maybe make sure that even married, you still find time to hang out with your big dumb of ass brother every once in a while?” Clint suggested, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

Your whole demander softened, a little pang of guilt stinging in your heart as he took your words too seriously – and at his worry.

“Clint… I will always find time for my amazing brother.”

“Well, you’re marrying a pretty amazing guy too, so, you know, I understand the dilemma…”

You snorted when he seemed to genuinely fawn over your future husband, shaking your head before downing the rest of your drink.

“As amazing as Steve might be – and gosh, he is, don’t get me started – you still own a pretty big chunk of my heart.”

“Good. You are a Barton at heart,” Clint hummed, pretending that a few tears didn’t roll down his cheeks, leaning towards you as his expression once again grew serious.

Your chest tightened. Oh no. He was gonna say something to make you cry too – as if you already weren’t at verge of crying, emotions bubbling under the surface.

“Clint-“ you warned him silently, but he spoke up anyway and you gulped, bracing yourself.

“Just… whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect housewife, but a good woman.”

That was not what you were prepared for, as touching as the sentiment was.

You burst out laughing, head thrown back, hands clutching at your stomach as it actually hurt with the sudden clench. Tears did spring from your eyes, a perfect blend of touched and infinitely amused at your brother’s words.

“Har, har, that’s what I get from trying to speak from heart…” Clint muttered grumpily and you willed yourself to calm your hitching breaths as you looked at him, the pout of his mouth causing you to cackle again.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… I am moved, I really am. Thank you. But me? A perfect housewife? And you realize I’m marrying Steve Rogers, right? The epitome of a good man? He would probably threaten to sock me in a jaw if I tried to change into something I’m not just for his sake and actually sock me in my jaw if I turned into a bad woman.”

Clint’s eyebrows jumped, a smirk appearing on his face. “That’s a lot of punching.”  

“My thoughts exactly,” you agreed, reaching for another can, pausing when a thought occurred to you. “Just so we’re clear, I might turn into a bit of a housewife when we have kids, alright? And I want to be a good wife, a good partner to Steve, which is what I’m trying to do even now.”

“I mean, yeah, sure, wouldn’t expect anything less. But… just promise me you’ll stay you and that you’ll keep giving him a run for his money, keep him on his toes a bit,” Clint shrugged with a grin, drawing another chuckle from you.

You saw his point – and you fully intended to keep Steve on his toes. You had a good reason to believe that your future husband enjoyed when you did.

“Oh Clinton… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded contentedly, picking up another beer and raising it for a toast, his can clinking with yours.

“Cheers to that!”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you then, a quiet joy wrapped in one moment; the sun ending its quest, the warm breeze in your hair, the waves whispering of a journey you were about to take off to. And all that with a wordless comforting presence of your family, ready to offer you a shelter if a storm rocked your boat and the wind caused you to lose course.

As your mind wandered, you had to laugh at yourself – it was almost as if you were raised by pirates and not circus performers. Perhaps it was the little bit of free cheeky spirit these life journeys had in common what brought the metaphor to your mind. It was a bit like working with the Avengers too, always on a road, adrenaline in your veins even as you mostly stayed on the jet, ready to assist them… yet here you were pondering that maybe, you were yearning for settling down a bit more.

“Cap wouldn’t punch you anyway, right?” Clint remarked, breaking the silence and you blinked yourself back into reality, taking a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

Oh. Right. Steve punching you if you changed yourself significantly for his benefit.

You smiled softly, heart swelling in affection when the answer to that question appeared obvious.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Good. He’d try once and I’d put an arrow straight between his eyes,” Clint promised darkly, almost causing you to choke at the sudden violent note. He quickly fixed it with a ramble, lightening the atmosphere yet again. “Minus training of course. He’s allowed to try in order to improve your hand-to-hand. Not that he would ever land a hand on you anyway. Always so soft on you…” he grinned, seemingly alright with that attitude if not slightly calling the big strong supersoldier out.

Oh you could be cheeky too alright if that was what your brother wanted.

“That you know of.”

A confused huh was the only reaction you got – that and a puzzled look.

“He’s always soft on me,” you repeated Clint’s words, turning to him, lips slowly spreading in a wicked smirk. “That you know of.”

Clint’s brows furrowed for a short moment and then his features twisted in a disgusted grimace, face growing a tint crimson.

“Gross!” he complained, more blood rushing to his cheeks. “You know what, I changed my mind. We’re leaving. You’re not marrying him. I’m kidnapping the bride and never returning her, locking her somewhere far far away-“

You snorted at his indignation, your grin undoubtedly battling the one of the Cheshire cat.

“No will do, Bobo. I’m marrying Steve and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Clint didn’t even protest, eyes misted over, nose still scrunched at the mental image, lamenting as the night slowly settled over the paradise-like island.

“Oh god, please help, I can’t unsee it, can’t unhear it--- ew-”

Your laughter was carried away by the breeze as Clint seemed to be unable to look at you.

You swung your beer around, thinking that yes – nothing quite ever felt so right as being here in this moment. Relaxing with your brother, teasing him relentlessly and counting down hours to when you’d say ‘I do’ to the only man who in your eyes ever battled the mantle of the best man in the universe.

In one unending moment You fall within my reach I'm close enough to whisper Hold on to me Hold on to me

You weren’t sure what time it was when you snuck into the beach house, one of few, which had been wisely chosen to be occupied by you and Steve only. You attempted to be quiet and liked to think you succeeded, in your even barely tipsy state, but your effort turned out to be in vain as you found Steve perched against headboard of your bed; reading a book, thin white t-shirt and sleep shorts on display as the soft sheet had been kicked away, scrunched up by his feet.

He was gorgeous – he was gorgeous and yours, a momentary picture perfect of peace, appearing to feel just as light as you did and somehow the dullness of the moment, just him relaxing in bed with a good read as you came home… it was more alluring than one would think.

Steve looked up from the book when you wavered in the doorway, soft lopsided smile spreading on his face.

God, that smile. It might be over two years since you saw it for the first time, but it could still make you weak in your knees.

And somehow, it was now even more charming now than the day you met, more tender than just before you kissed for the first time, sweeter than when he proposed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greeted you, appreciative gaze roaming your figure and the little too much skin on display – something you regretted when the warm sunrays had bid you goodbye, raising goosebumps. And Steve, the attentive man he was, noticed, his smile earning a teasing edge. “You look a bit cold in there.”

You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out.

“And you look pretty cosy in there. Thought you’d be either asleep or with Bucky.”

Steve shrugged, not letting go of his unfinished chapter just yet, knowing you had a routine to go through before joining him.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe Bucky is an old man and needs his sleep.”

You chuckled, not rising to the bait – you knew what would follow if you dared to say Steve was just as old. Not that you would complain about Steve trying to convince you about the opposite. You could never.

“Well, I bet he still made you a promise of breaking a bone of mine or two if I ever hurt you. He’ll find energy for that, centenarian or not,” you hummed nonchalantly as you bounced off the doorframe, heading to the bathroom and leaving Steve puzzled by your remark.

“How did you know?” he called out after you, endearingly confused.

“That’s what big brothers do, love!”

Short silence was your answer as you reached for your toothbrush and begun your nighty ritual.

Steve must have figure out what did it mean for him, considering you had a protective brother of your own, because a moment later, his half-amused “noted!” reached your ears.

You chuckled and shook your head, smile spread on your face which you didn’t think could be erased as long as you were in this paradise – free of worry, full of joy. And why wouldn’t you be? You were about to marry one of the smartest, kindest, sassiest and most beautiful men that ever walked the Earth. What was not to love?

You couldn’t but let your mind wander again; if you had only known the day you met, right from that moment, that you’d end up here…. well. It felt a little surreal, knowing that by this time tomorrow, you’d be Steve’s wife; then again, Steve’s life story was surreal enough on its own.

Who would have thought that the stubborn handsome man in the ridiculous suit and you, equally stubborn about you at least checking on the wound upon half-dragging him to a quiet corner in a middle of a battlefield, would grow so close?

It hadn’t been simple. Steve wasn’t the most open guy and while friendly enough, he wasn’t exactly offering his heart on his sleeve, not to strangers. But it hadn’t been too hard, once you were meeting on regular basis. Piece by piece he revealed his true colours and soon after he did… you started falling; hard and fast.

Not necessarily swooning, not on the outside at least; you were a professional, after all. The safety and the well-being of the team was your priority.

It was just too bad – or the best thing, you supposed – that Steve had the same goal as you with one significant difference; as far as he was concerned, the responsibility to look after his team sometimes excluded him.

Oh, was he wrong about that.

And boy, did you let him know you thought so. You still kept proving him wrong to this day and was planning on nurturing his own acknowledgement of his self-worth till your last breath…

“Get your ass in here, Steve!” you called out after him, slowly losing patience as you had tried asking politely the previous two times with no result but being dismissed.

The change of tone and language made his head snap to you from where he was talking to Sam, an offended scowl on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Captain. Don’t be a stubborn jerk and get your ass in here so I can clean your cuts.”

A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to him like that; to the great legend, Captain America. At least you certainly wouldn’t have called him his first name and maybe, just maybe, you’d be a little less crass. But now? He might be Captain America still, a hero who deserved all the good things for the sacrifices he made for the world’s safety, but first and foremost, he was just Steve to you.

A colleague, a teammate, a friend. You might not be a part of the team per se, not the way Clint, Natasha or Steve were, but you still belonged. And you were all friends.

Friends irritated each other sometimes and frankly, Steve was often battling with Tony for the mantle of the most infuriating one.

Friends also needed to call each other out on their bullshit by any means necessary when the time was right and now the time was as good as any.

Usually, Steve slipped through your fingers, because he was a supersoldier and the others weren’t, so their injuries took precedence; today, it was only Natasha, Sam and Steve, and the captain was the only one whom you hadn’t checked yet. And you knew there were things to check, the trickle of blood from his eyebrow probably the least of your concerns.

“I wouldn’t argue with her, Steve. She can be pretty stubborn. Clint wouldn’t stop complaining about it,” Natasha supported you from the pilot seat and you fought yourself so you wouldn’t grin at her in victory – it would only irritated Steve further. “She’s almost as bull-headed as you are.”

At that, your smile would have slipped. But honestly, she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t I know it,” Steve grunted, sparing Sam another glance and when the Falcon himself beckoned to you as well, wordlessly asking Steve to get himself checked up.

The captain sighed irately, but made his way back to the separate and well-lit space of your examination room.

He didn’t try to hide his annoyance – in fact, he squared his shoulders and his steps sounded a bit loud for anyone to believe it was a coincidence. Also, the scowl of exasperation never left his otherwise handsome face.

“This is completely unnecessary. A stupid waste of time,” he hissed as he walked past you and you took a deep calming breath, exchanging an eyeroll with Sam before you disappeared from sight.

“Captain. I respect you and your position, but you say one more time that my job here is unnecessary and stupid, you’ll be looking for a new medic,” you retorted as he stripped the upper part of his uniform angrily, revealing his white-tank-top-clad torso.

Well, at least the fabric used to be white – now a blood stain the size of both of your palms was seeping into the material at Steve’s right side, gushing from what definitely appeared to be a knife wound.

You were gonna murder him one of those days... unless he got killed himself first.

“Seriously?!”

“It’s just a graze-” he started to argue but you cut him off when you tore the fabric away. He winced as some of the dried blood had acted as a glue, having stuck the cloth into the wound, and now was violently ripped off.

“Tr to insinuate again that I’m incompetent at recognizing what’s just a graze, Steve. I dare you. This is a cut wide and deep enough for stitches! Haven’t you had the serum, you could have been bleeding out to death on this table!”

“But I do have it-“

“Or for fuck’s SAKE, stop being a baby and let me treat the bloody gash in your right mesogastric area! The serum accelerates your healing, but it doesn’t make you invincible OR immortal as far as I know--- Jesus fucking Christ-!”

He bristled, taking a deep breath to fight back, but he never got the chance, because you started working and the words died in his throat. Surprisingly, inspecting the damage, poking around a knife wound that might have already begin to seal itself thanks to Erskine’s formula but had not been just a graze hurt and coincidentally, it pulled the rug from under his feet.

To his credit, Steve barely even hissed at the pain.

“Just so you know, I’ll be using the disinfection that stings worse,” you noted, voice dripping venom, because you were genuinely done with Steve’s bullshit.

You lied through your teeth though. You wouldn’t. No matter how infuriating Steve was and how difficult he made your life – causing you to fall for his stupid martyr ass and pine after him among other things – you would never purposely hurt him.

And he must have sensed that, because your remark didn’t earn you a murderous glare or a retort – much to your surprise.

In fact, Steve fell entirely quiet, watching you work without protest, not even objecting when you applied enough local anaesthetic to knock out an elephant and sewed the tissue together so it healed easier. He let you inspect the rest of his torso and bandage his ribs, vigorously shaking his head when you asked him if he was injured anywhere below the waist.

He observed you as you kept an eye on his face for any minute sign of pain he’d be hiding, but all you could see were his irises, startlingly bright blue, pools of honesty and something you had trouble decoding. He seemed… humbled almost. It silenced the anger inside you, the flames of rage – and fear for his well-being, if you were being honest with yourself – turning into a barely smouldering pile of ash.

When you moved on to his head, gently pushing away the strands which obscured the gash on his eyebrow, his eyelids slid shut. You knew how unpleasant facial injuries were, especially around one’s eyes and so you took care to be extra careful as you cleaned the wound and the area surrounding it, most definitely not using the stingy disinfectant.

Not that Steve could get an infection as far as you knew. It was more force of a habit than anything else… and it made you feel better. He had this idiotic mask of an invincible hero he put up sometimes and it drove you insane, because you knew he was only human, a beautiful kind soul, but god, could he be an ass.

“Almost done,” you whispered soothingly when you noticed his jaw tightening as you had to apply a bit more pressure to get a tiny piece of gravel from the cut. You certainly didn’t want that to stay under the newly healing skin.

The moment you retreated with the bloody gauze, Steve’s eyes were back on you, wide and regretful.

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, a genuine apology that sounded almost absurd after you two were hissing at each other like damn hellcats. “I didn’t mean to--- I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of my injuries.”

One glance into those deep irises and benign hesitant smile and you were done for. How could you stay mad at him? Well, you were still mad at him for the absolute disregard of his own health, but… well. You also understood he felt like he needed to stay strong for the team and put them first and how he actually was in pain.

Pretty much everyone was a pain in the ass when in pain.

You sighed as you searched for few band-aid strips to cover the cut.  

“It’s alright, Steve. I’m used to old men being grumpy and not meaning things they say when they are,” you offered lightly and he hung his head with a chuckle, clearly not taking the old man remark personally – and understanding you were referring to your brother.

His smile was wider when he looked up again. “You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”

You shrugged, carefully slipping two fingers under his chin to angle his face so you could stick the strips over the wound.

“Well, I deserve it sometimes. I don’t mean to… to be overbearing and make you feel like you’re incompetent or something,” you added hesitantly, worrying your teeth over your lower lip as the tone you’d been handling him with caught up with you. Perhaps you could have been nicer.

You smoothened the stripes of band-aid, gulping as you felt Steve’s gaze boring into your face while you continued.

“I know you’re not incompetent. You’re very capable, you’re the best. It’s just… I still--- worry- for all of you. For the full-time Earth’s mightiest heroes. Silly, huh?” you muttered self-depreciatingly and when your eyes met, you were startled by the intensity he watched you with as you laid your fears bare in front of him, leaving you vulnerable. You swiftly looked away and dropped your hands. “Here, almost as good as new.”

A lump grew in your throat as you stripped your gloves, tossing them into the bin. Did you reveal too much? Didn’t it sound silly indeed as you said it out loud? Yes, you were all friendly with each other, but you were supposed to be a professional, focused on your task, not getting distracted by-

-by Steve gently grasping your wrist, causing your heart to skip a startled beat. Definitely not getting weak in the knees when you shot him a surprised glance and he just… brought your hand to his face, lips briefly skimming over your knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Lord have mercy with me.

“Don’t you ever apologize for caring. Don’t stop caring. Silly is the last thing I’d call it.”

Your cheeks felt like set on fire, stomach fluttering as well as your heart. You could feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on your skin, sending your heartrate sky-high, causing your head to spin a bit, your body hot all over.

Did he really—did he just-? And did it mean that… did it mean anything at all?

He let go of your hand, thumb brushing over your knuckles, but held your gaze adamantly as he gave you a sad smile and rose to his feet, clearly ready to leave.

You, on the hand, stood there frozen, mind racing.

Why had he done that? Was he really just trying to express gratitude and say sorry for his previous behaviour? Because that was not the way it was supposed to be done, because such tenderness left you entirely bewildered. Was he trying to tell you he was somehow interested in something more than friendship? Was he just high from the anaesthetic, mind you, local one that was not supposed to mess with his brain? Was there any sign of a head injury you missed?

“Thank you, again,” he whispered softly, moving to sidestep you and your hand instinctively shot out, latching onto his forearm… gently.

You gulped, heart stuttering when he glanced at you, puzzled.

One part of you wanted to sink into the floor in embarrassment at your unwitting reaction. Another part of you observed him so closely that you would swear that there was another emotion in his eyes and it was neither apology nor gratitude. You wistfully hoped for longing, the same longing you felt when you were near him, sometimes distant and barely there, other times so acute it hurt.

With your stomach somersaulting in doubt, you willed yourself to raise your free hand slowly, purposely giving him a chance – Lord, please, don’t let him take it – to stop you before your palm settled on his cheek.

You were certain you experienced a small cardiac arrest when Steve not only didn’t avoid the touch, but actually leaned into it, gaze fixed on your face, eyes brighter and softer than you ever remembered seeing. Your gaze flickered to his mouth deliberately, throat turning dry. Too daring? He kissed you knuckles, surely you could reciprocate some affection?

Swallowing against your dry throat, you leaned in before you could change your mind and dropped the briefest peck to his lips, causing his eyelids to flutter shut.

Oh no. Oh no no no no, you totally crossed a line-

You went to retreat your hands from him, but the second you moved, his eyes were snapping open, hand covering yours on his face to keep it there, the other cradling your face and then there was a warm and soft sensation on your own lips as he seized them with his.

Your mind went completely blank save two single thoughts: Steve is kissing me. I really like that.

A small sound escaped you, a blend of surprise and contentment, breaking you from your trance and turning you into an actual participant of the pleasant and entirely unexpected activity.

You drew in a small breath, head spinning from the scent of Steve’s shampoo, disinfectant, sweat and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and not caring.

He tasted faintly of blood, but otherwise was nothing but sweet as his lips caressed yours, gently tugging at your lower lip and then the upper, the lightest graze of teeth and tease of tongue, finger pressing into your jaw to pull you closer, thumb stroking your cheek.

You whimpered involuntarily when his lips parted from yours, soothing as they returned for a short peck, to drop a brief kiss to the corner of your mouth, to brush your cheek.

Your name was a breathy whisper between the two of you, barely audible as all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, growing aware of your fingers clutching at Steve’s still unzipped armour and nearly sinking in his hair, his hot breath tickling your skin.

You didn’t dare to open your eyes – what if you dreamed it up? What if you looked at him and saw regret – it didn’t feel like he would be regretting it, but… still. Insecurity tugged at your mind as it slowly cleared from the literally breath-taking kiss.

Steve repeated your name with urgency that was unheard of, the single word sounding almost as a plea.

“Please say something.”

Oh.

You blinked your eyes open, surprised to be met with his searching gaze, a minute furrow of his brows. It seemed you weren’t the only one whose mind was being the worst of one’s enemies.

Perhaps your brain was being stupid. Perhaps you both wanted this. Perhaps you felt exactly the same.

As you forced yourself to move, fingers actually slipping into his hair to caress his nape, Steve inhaled shakily, shoulders slumping. The tinniest of smiles tugged at his mouth, tempting red and minutely swollen from the kiss; you had to resist the urge to just taste it again.

Instead, you licked your lips only, savouring the previous sensations, smiling unwittingly.

“That’s… uhm, that’s a really creative new way of driving me crazy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose along with one corner of his mouth, relief written all over his face.

“Oh? There are other ways in which I’m driving you crazy? Because I couldn’t tell...”

You narrowed your eyes, but you didn’t think he bought you unconvincing act of being irritated with him at such remark.

“Don’t push it, Captain,” you warned him, but your treacherous mouth kept curling up in a smile, your body still buzzing with aftershocks of the kiss.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh-huh… s-sure,” you stuttered briefly as his thumb caressed your cheek, bright smiling eyes watching only inches from your face – and yet it felt like he was too far.

“You’re driving me crazy too, you know,” he noted in a breathy voice, causing you to gulp as his gaze flickered to your mouth, clearly implying how you do so… among other ways… like your stubbornness practically matching his.

“Oh really? I do? I couldn’t tell…”

He chuckled, his hand slipping to your nape, soft tickle of his fingers making you squirm.

“I’m gonna kiss you again now if that’s okay,” he whispered, not waiting for your permission and erasing the distance between your lips again.

Still, you whispered your approval to his mouth.

“So okay…”

Long moments later when Sam called out to warn you that you’d be landing soon, you said yes to the grumpy old man’s request to let him treat you dinner.

Oh if you only knew by then how far you’d come…

Lost in thought, goofy smile on your face, you exited the bathroom, ready to snuggle your future husband… and to fully take the opportunity to make love, last night before you officially became his and he became yours.

You had a brief second to register that the bed was empty, your heart skipping a started and disappointed beat. The second you stepped out though, you were literally swept off your feet.

A yelp erupted from your throat as you found yourself with no ground under your feet and high in the air, one of Steve’s arms under your knees, the other under your back. Your hands frantically gripped at the nearest firm point, Steve’s shoulder and arm as you finally realized what the hell happened and was met with a cheeky grin and sparkling blue of his eyes.

That traitor was waiting just by the door to ambush you! Why?

You slapped his very much bare shoulder playfully, hissing a curse, not unaware of the heat radiating of him and seeping into your skin.

“You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you complained, but he didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

Steve grinned wider, shrugging and pulling you closer to his torso, nuzzling your temple and dropping a placatory kiss there.

“Still looking a little cold.”

“No, I look like this because you scared me,” you emphasized, vainly trying to resist the seduction; a mixture of playfulness, sweetness and blatant display of strength as he still held you with ease. It was hard not to be temped. “And you look like you’re awfully warm, parading here without a shirt.”

“Well, I’d call us even since you’re parading around in these absolutely sinful shorts. Makes me hot. I can warm you up,” he mumbled to your skin, lips moving to your ear, causing you to shudder.

How was it so easy for him to make you all hot and bothered? You guessed that at least, as he said, it made you even... it wasn’t difficult to get him riled up either.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Driving you crazy?” Steve offered, sounding awfully delighted at the idea and you only melted into him further at the reminiscence of your first kiss and what followed.

“Always,” you confirmed, deadly serious, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of your lips or the mewl that escaped you when his teeth grazed the shell of your ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“But you love it.”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can live with that with that then,” he said, stalking to the bed determinately. “Now let me drive you so crazy you can barely speak and the only sound you’re making is whimpering my name.”

He all but tossed you on the bed, a yelp of his name in fact erupting from your throat, followed by a fit of giggles that only died when his mouth seized yours, his lips only leaving when heading south to indeed drive you crazy.

And yes; you loved it.

And you loved him too.

In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me Hold on to me

Before the girls could steal you from him, Steve decided – with your enthusiastic agreement – that you should once again try how it felt to make some morning lovin’ outside marriage. With the ceremony planned for the late afternoon, you had plenty of time; and needless to say, it was bliss. Then again, you believed that marital sex with Steve would be just as delightfully pleasant, thank you very much.

Then, it was a whirlwind – make up, hair, dress, a tear or two spilled when you saw the result in the mirror.

More tears spilled when you glanced out of the window and saw the tastefully and modestly decorated arch, the path created by few scattered rose petals, the male part of your almost family sans Clint in the suits, effectively hiding Steve from you; and you from his just in case, because no one wanted any bad luck.

Your staring was interrupted when your brother went to pick you up to lead you down the aisle.

Upon entering the room and setting his gaze on you, he promptly looked away with a sniffle. It both warmed your heart and made you laugh as did his remark.

“Nope, not giving you to him. In fact, I’m never giving you to anyone. No one will ever be worthy, so I’m keeping you.”

“Hush, Clinton, you’ll still have me,” Natasha winked at him as he took a deep calming breath before carefully eyeing you again.

Clearly, it hadn’t done the job, because few tears still found their way down his cheeks.

“You’re a knock-out, sis,” he sputtered hastily, but no less honestly – clearly moved to tears.

And yet… you snorted at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes, quick to compliment your beauty instead.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, even appreciating his first remark more for it came from the bottom of his heart rather than from what convention required.

Embracing you carefully in fear he would mess up the work of art his wife and other girls created, he held you in his arms for a moment, as you retuned the hug, clutching at his suit with a little too force. From the corner of your eye, you noticed the bridesmaids clearing the room.

“It’s not like I’m leaving you, Bobo,” you hummed with a smile, throwing his own words from last night at him.

And you weren’t leaving him; your heart swelled with love for your brother, your father figure, your long-life friend.

With sniffle, he let go of you and looked you up and down, proud smile spreading on his lips.

“It’s okay. If you are, I have the best spy in the world for a wife, we’ll drag your ass back home.”

You just slapped his chest playfully and took a deep breath – it was time. Clint grasped your hand firmly then, elbows interlocking, and went to step out just a moment after the bridesmaids left to join the groomsmen.

Well-aware everyone was going to stare and that Steve awaited you at the end of the aisle to marry you, your legs were shaking minutely as the magnitude of the event finally dawned to you.

“Getting second thoughts now?” Clint teased you, eliciting a chuckle from you and shake of your head.

What a question.

“No. Just… please don’t let me fall,” you muttered to him, entirely serious and grateful for your choice of footwear – simple flats hidden by the long flowing skirt of your dress. Better chance of not spraining your ankle on your wedding day.

“Never.”

Clint squeezed your hand under his warm palm and you took a deep breath, stepping into the doorway. Soft melody welcomed you, your very own wedding march Bruce was playing on a mouth organ – something you had previously had no idea he was capable of.  

Looking up from your skirt, you feasted your eyes on the company and the beautiful scenery for only a regretfully short moment, grateful for Sam’s Redwing programmed to record and take photos.

Your gaze instinctively searched the small crowd instead, until it fell under the arch where three men stood.

One of them was Sam himself, having obtained a licence so he could be your wedding registrar; he looked positively dashing. So did Bucky, who patted his best friend dressed in his old-fashioned green captain uniform on the shoulder, his smirk visible even from tens feet away as he stepped back.

Naturally, your gaze lingered on Steve, your feet acting of their own accord and following your brother’s lead.

Gosh, your future husband was the most handsome and absolutely hottest specimen to ever walk the Earth. Hair combed neatly to one side and in his old army uniform, he truly looked like the gentleman from another era he was and yet, he undeniably belonged exactly where he was. His eyes were bright and blue just like the sky, lips slightly parting before curling up into a brilliant smile which somehow still carried the tenderness he treated you with when he felt particularly affectionate.

He must have uttered something under his breath, because Bucky pressed his lips together as if he was holding back laugh. The absolutely best best man, ladies and gentleman.

Your found yourself smiling just as widely, a stray tear tickling the corner of your eye and you had to fight the sudden urge to ditch Clint in order to gather your skirts and run the rest of the way just to jump into Steve’s arms.

But in reality, there was no rush – here, on the damn island Tony rented, there was so much time that one short walk meant nothing in comparison.

“Alright, maybe I’ll give you to him,” Clint whispered, making you bite the inside of your cheek so you would cackle.

Leave it to your brother he would find Steve Rogers so fine he’d be willing to give you out just to have him become a part of your family.

One corner of Steve’s lips twitched in amusement – supersoldier hearing didn’t miss the remark then. Good. Then Bucky heard it too and you had a witness just in case Clint would change his mind. Again.

Finally, with your heart almost in your throat, you reached the end of the aisle, Clint gently putting your hand into Steve’s… without letting go.

“You be nice to her, Cap. And I mean really nice, you hear? Or else-“

“Hush,” you hissed good-naturedly in your brother’s direction, winking at him before you returned your gaze to Steve. “Hey there, handsome.”

Steve chuckled under his breath when Clint stepped back. He returned the greeting with soft ‘hey there, beautiful’ and then proceeded to lift your joined hands, brushing your knuckles with his lips – just like the day you shared your first kiss.

Well now you truly found yourself on the verge of crying. And Lord, you wanted to kiss him so much-

Sam cleared his throat loudly, casting you both a meaningful look as if he could read your mind and wanted to remind you that there were a few things to go through before that could happen.

Ugh. Formalities. Just let me kiss him…

Steve licked his lips – the audacity! – and turned, lightly tugging at your hand so you both faced your friend who held a little leather book open, beckoning towards the guests: Bucky and Natasha, the best man and the best woman, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Vision, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper. Just your closest friends and family.

Sam cleared his throat again.

“Alright. We all know why we gathered here today. To get these two amazing people married, so they could officially become a special team within our team.”

You grinned, peripherally noticing Steve eyeing you as well. Team indeed.

“This is the part where I would ask all of you, bride and groom included, to speak up now if you’re aware of anything standing in the way of this wedlock or to remain silent forever. But frankly, if you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself. Just let these lovebirds get married…”

Muffled laughter and giggles erupted from your group. Honestly, you wouldn’t say it better. You noticed Clint shifting and Natasha forcefully holding his hand down; you bit down on your lip so you wouldn’t laugh and sent her a grateful smile instead. The best maid of honour ever.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear, folks. We have the rings, correct? Great. Just so you know, these two saps asked me to read one vow which they are making to each other, because they didn’t trust themselves to say theirs individually without bursting into tears. So now it’s left to me to cry instead. Thanks for that.”

Your cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from smiling so wide, but tears prickled in your eyes acutely just at the thought of the vow you agreed on. You spent countless hours thinking about what you wanted to say and realized that your vow would be too long and that you would in fact start crying and that you could never name all the things you loved Steve for. It had been a relief to find out that Steve shared the sentiment and the deal was made.

Natasha and Bucky dutifully laid the rings on the pillow Wanda’s powers held levitating by your and Steve’s side – not without Bucky finding a split second to compliment your appearance and earning a brief smirk from Steve.

“I know,” Steve uttered and you wondered if there was a dare going around as to who would make you burst out laughing first.

This was your wedding dammit. You could be at least a bit a lady and remain collected.

Hardly.

“With this ring,” Sam started, breathing in and out and you knew you already lost, first tear rolling down your cheek as you gazed into Steve’s inviting eyes, “I give myself to you without giving up myself. With this ring, I surrender to you for I have faith you understand the value of wielding such power and for I deem you worthy of it. With this ring, I promise to love you, to respect you and to support you to be your best self as I trust you to do the same for me, for us.”

You blinked away the waterfalls, reaching almost blindly for Steve’s ring and with fingers trembling – with giddiness, not nerves – you somehow succeeded at slipping it on his left ring finger.

“I do,” you whispered, your voice cracking even in such simple sentence and the watery smile Steve graced you with made your ribcage feel too small for your swelling heart.

Fingers equally clumsy, he slipped a ring on you as well, shoulders squaring as if in pride.

“I do,” he said firmly, the damp path down his left cheek only adding severity to his vow.

“You may-- uhm, okay, you may kiss the bride, your wife--- I mean, Mrs. Rogers. You may kiss the groom, your husband…” Sam mumbled under his breath until he didn’t, because Steve pulled you in for a kiss the same moment Sam said the first ‘may’ and incidentally, the same moment you practically threw yourself at Steve.

Laughter and whistles erupted from the group of your friends as Steve bend you back dramatically, the determined press of his lips to yours not at all disrupted by the change of angle, claiming your mouth in ways that made you shudder and stirred flames in your belly.

Years and years later, you’d recall that kiss and realized an amazing thing; how it felt just like your first kiss, your last one, and every single one in between.

With you still practically horizontal, Steve’s crinkling eyes met yours, delighted smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers,” he hummed, adding a cheeky grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“The horror,” you muttered back teasingly, pulling at his nape, demanding another kiss, your own declaration whispered to his mouth. “I love you too, Mr. Rogers.”

And you did. Gosh, you did.

S.R. masterlist

(divider by firefly-graphics)

Well. This turned out SO DIFFERENTLY than I anticipated and SO MUCH LONGER. If you feel like leaving feedback, I’ll be grateful. If not, well. *shurgs*

Excuse me while I go and continue dreaming of ONE fictional man. Ugh. Anyway.

Thank you for reading!

And once again, thanks to WIYBUPT for hosting and for just being awesome in general :)

[falcqns]

Selfish

Pairing: Post Endgame!Bucky Barnes x Barton!Reader

Summary: You and Bucky are sent on a mission to the 1950′s, and you come face to face with Steve Rogers for the first time. 

Warnings: mention of Thanos, swearing, Steve being protecting, Y/N being more protective, The Winter Soldier makes an appearance, insinuation to smut. 

A/N: We love stories based off shifting experiences lol. also it was hella exhilarating to scream and swear in America’s Ass’s face LOL. Also If there are any chronological errors with the whole Hank Pym thing, just ignore it I haven’t seen Ant Man yet

You were hiding behind an overturned desk, your gun in one hand, both batons in another. You, Bucky, and Sam had been sitting on the couch enjoying your Saturday, when it was raided by rogue S.H.I.E.L.D operatives from 1951, hell bent on preventing the avengers from forming. But, they didn't have time-space GPS’s like you guys did, so they were thrust into 2024, a year after the events of the final Thanos fight. They had held the three of you at gun point, until you threw a lamp at them, and Bucky reflected their bullets with his vibranium arm while you and Sam ran, you to your gun and batons, and Sam to get his wing suit on. A fight ensued, and everyone had eventually spread across the compound, to where you took refuge behind the overturned desk of Tony Stark. No one had touched his desk since he passed, but that changed today.

You felt someone approach from behind, and you flicked your wrist holding your batons to turn on the taser function, and went to knock out the person behind you, when you were met with Bucky, an amused look on his handsome face. He had two time-space GPS’s in his hand, and well as the bracelets that contained the suit. 

“Don’t electrocute me yet, doll,” He said, and you rolled your eyes. “We can fix this. We go back in time, we prevent them from taking the Pym Particles. It’s risky, but I see it as our only option right now. They’re not going down. We need to do something.” He whispered. 

“What about Sam?” You whispered, and Bucky looked over his shoulder. 

“I knocked a few of them out and told him to get the hell out and I had an idea. He escaped while I covered him. They won't notice anything happening because it might be minutes or hours for us, but it's seconds for them. Trust me?” He asked, and you nodded before taking the suit bracelet and the GPS he offered you, and slipping them on. You put your batons in the holster on your lower back, and your gun in its holster on your thigh. You double tapped the suit bracelet, and took a deep breath as the nanotech quickly covered your body, and head. Bucky programmed his GPS, and you programmed yours to go back to February 23, 1951. 

You looked at Bucky and nodded, before you felt the helmet covering your face, and a pull behind your navel, seconds before you entered the quantum realm. You watched as the colours of the quantum realm sped by you as you traveled, and you glanced to your side, sighing as you saw Bucky right there with you. You were nervous, but as long as he was there, you'd be fine. 

You felt a stronger pull behind your navel, and you were thrust into 1951. Luckily, the two of you landed in a supply closet, where there were janitors uniforms. You two didn't say anything while you pulled the uniforms on, and slipped out of the closet.

You two kept your heads down, determined to not get recognized while you figured out the plan. 

“So, this specific building changed considerably since before I fell off the train, but the labs are this way, just passed the offices in this coming hallway, which is where I’m guessing they put Pym’s lab and office,” He said, and you nodded. 

You two turned the corner to the office hallway, and you heard Bucky swear. You looked up at him in confusion before following his eye line and biting back a swear word. 

Peggy was standing outside her office, talking to a rather tall, broad shouldered, blonde haired man. Before you could process who it was, Peggy noticed Bucky, and her eyes widened. She exclaimed, and the blonde haired man turned around, to reveal himself as Steve Rogers. 

“B-Buck?” He said in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re alive?” Peggy said right after. 

Bucky sighed, but the two of you walked up to the couple. You shifted so you were standing slightly behind Bucky. You had quite a few words for Steven Grant Rogers, none of them good things. 

“We’re here on a mission. We’re trying to stop 5 rogue agents from coming to 2024, and killing me, Sam, and my girlfriend Y/N.” he said, and you stepped put from behind him, giving Steve a tight lipped smile.

Steve looked over at you, and looked you in the face intently. “How did you meet Bucky?” he asked seriously.

“I met him when my dad introduced me to the remaining Avengers when we went to see Wanda after-” You were going to say ‘the Westview incident’ but didn't want to risk screwing up the timeline so you changed it slightly. “An unfortunate incident.”

He crossed his arms. “Who’s your dad?” He said, his chin tipping up slightly. 

“Clint,” You said simply, and he eyed you again, as if he didn't quite believe you, but chose to let it go, wisely. You rolled your eyes, and heard Peggy giggle, to which you gave her a smile. 

Steve turned to Bucky and dropped his arms. “Who are these agents?”

“George Peterson, Charles Collins, William White, Robert Gomez, and Paul Cox.” You said, and Bucky looked at you in confusion.

You rolled your eyes and looked at your boyfriend. “Their names were on their uniforms. Where were you looking when they had their guns pointed at our heads?” You said. “AT THE GUNS!” Bucky exclaimed and you rolled your eyes again. 

He turned back to Steve. “We need to get to Hank Pym’s lab.” He said, and Steve sighed. “What?”

“Pym’s lab hasn't been moved to this building yet, it’s still in downtown New York. Do you guys have a car?” He asked, and you scoffed. 

“Oh yeah, we had time to shove on of those in our pockets while being attacked by psycho’s.” You said, sarcastically.

Bucky looked at you. “Y/N.” 

You glanced up at him.    

“Sorry. No we did not Capsicle-OW!” You exclaimed when Bucky elbowed you in the side.

Steve sighed, and turned to Peggy. “I might be home late. Gotta help him,” he said, and Peggy gave him an understanding smile.

“It’s okay. Go help,” She said, and after they shared a kiss, Steve was leading you and Bucky out of the building.

“How’ve you been Buck?” He asked. Bucky sighed.

“Oh, y’know. Compound got rebuilt, met the love of my life, been on a few missions with her and Sam. The usual,” To which Steve chuckled.

You three reached Steve’s car a few moments later, and you climbed in the back, while Bucky sat in the passengers seat. You weren't as tall as him, and you were afraid you'd cause an accident if you put next to the literal ass of America. 

“Wait,” Steve said, pulling out of the parking lot. “How’d you get on the team,” He said to you. You rolled your eyes but answered. 

“I’m the daughter of two super soldiers, Hawkeye and Mockingbird. My mom has multiple serums, which were passed to me, and I got both their strengths, but I prefer to use batons rather than stupid ass arrows that can only be used once,” You said, crossing your arms over your chest, and slumping against the leather seats of his car. Steve nodded, and gave Bucky a look, which Bucky knew meant ‘she doesn't like me does she?’, to which Bucky gave him a look that said ‘this is her being nice to people she despises.’ Steve nodded, and focused on the road.

As the car drove into the city, you looked at how different the buildings looked. It looked exactly like the pictures you had seen, but you were in awe. There were a few skyscrapers, but they certainly didn't look the ones you were used to seeing whenever you went to New York. Bucky and Steve were talking in the front, and you blocked out the conversation to gaze at New York in a time when your father wasn't even born. 

You felt the car come to a stop moments later, and you looked up to see you were outside a bland looking building that said “Pym Technologies”. You stepped out of the car, and Bucky immediately took your hand in his. The two of you followed Steve into the building, and made it about a third of the way down one hallway before Bucky pushed you into a room, and pulling Steve with him. 

“What the f-” you started to say before Bucky covered your mouth with his vibranium hand. 

“That was them. The guys.” Bucky said, and Steve went to the door to see the guys Bucky was referring to walk down the hallway and turn right, in the direction of the offices. 

“Okay,” Steve said, turning around to face you two. “Do you have your weapons?” he asked. You unzipped the janitor suit and pointed to the gun and baton holsters on your leggings. Steve nodded, and looked to Bucky who was taking off his janitors uniform and pulled out his gun as well. 

“Okay, good.” Steve said. “Now, I left the shield at home because I barely use it, and the kids prefer to use it as a sled in the winter.” 

At the mention of his kids, you rolled you eyes again, and Steve had had it with that. 

“You keep that up and your eyes will stick,” He said, and you stuck your tongue out at him. He furrowed his eyebrows at you and spoke again. “What is your problem?” He asked, looking over at Bucky for help, who just raised his hands in defeat. He had tried many times to figure out why you had such a problem with Steve but eventually let it go and knew you would tell him when you were ready.

But, you finally decided you were ready. “My problem? What about your problem?”

Steve scoffed. “I don't think I have a problem.”

You laughed. “Oh, you don't have a problem? Do you feel any guilt, AT ALL, for leaving Bucky behind? Did you stop for one second to think about how this might effect him? He risked everything, multiple times for your stupid ass, and when the world was finally safe, at least for a while, you ditched him for a girl you kissed once? I get it, you ‘loved’ her, but she had her own life, her own husband, and everything. You left Bucky with Sam. THEY BARELY GET ALONG! I’m not saying you should have taken him with you, because then I wouldn't have met him. I’m saying that you should have stayed. You could've gotten with Sharon, gotten married and had a few kids with her. Instead, you chose to say ‘fuck it’ and abandon Bucky when he needed you most. And believe me, I know Sharon isn't Peggy, but you liked her as well. It’s called a compromise. Also, don't you think it's pretty shitty that Bucky DIED FOR YOU, came back to life, walked through a goddamned portal, fought aliens with a gun, all without a break, and you didn't have the fucking decency to talk to him, at least once before the fight was over? For the greatest soldier in history, you sure are pretty fucking selfish.” You stated, and walked out the door with your batons in hand without a second look.

“Wow.” Bucky said, looking at Steve. Steve just shook his head and motioned for Bucky to follow you. 

“Follow her and help. I gotta find something to fight with,” He said, looking around him. Bucky nodded, and walked out. He raced to catch up with you, and saw the men huddled together in a conference room, probably planning what to do next. He pulled you to the side before you reached the room to talk to you. 

He pulled out into a little alcove in between the offices, and pressed his forehead against yours. “Baby,” He breathed out, and looked up at you when you sniffed. “What’s wrong?”

“I couldn't let him sit there and think that what he did was okay. It wasn't. he left you when you needed him most. After he came out of the ice and found out you were still alive, his main goal was to find you, and save you. But when he finally gets the ‘big defeat’ he wanted with Red Skull but didn't, he immediately abandons you for Peggy? Nothing against her, she seems nice I just hate his guts for putting you through all of that and I know you’re gonna say that I shouldn’-,” Bucky cut off your rambling with a kiss. He pulled away and smiled at you.

“He needed to hear it. Now, let’s finish our mission so we can get back to 2024, and finish The Sound of Music because I really wanna know how the Von Trapps escape Austria.” he said, making you smile, your grip on your batons tightening. The door to the conference room opened just as Steve was coming around the corner, a shield slightly smaller than his own in his hand. He pressed back against the same wall you and Bucky were pressed against.

“Looks like they're trying to recreate everything about me,” Steve said, and Bucky chuckled. He glanced down the hallway, and saw it deserted. The 5 men continued down the opposite direction, towards the labs. 

“Y/N, corner them. Steve, go around to the opposite hallway and block off the exit there. I’ll do the same with the opposite exit. After that, we should be good, and we can fight them, and hopefully stop them.” Bucky said, and Steve nodded. 

“How do you know so much about this building?” You asked, and Bucky blushed. 

“The Soldier has more than one mission that involved breaking into Pym Industries,” he said. “Now let’s do this.”

“Didn't think you were one for leading,” Steve said, tightening the shield just before he walked off. 

“Yeah well, sometimes you have to step put when it comes to Sam Wilson.” You said, walking off. You pressed your back to the wall before turning the corner, giving Steve and Bucky time to get into position. 

Through the reflection on the mirrored ceiling, you saw the men come face to face with Steve, and turn around and head the other way. They passed by you without a glance, only to be faced with Bucky, who had ripped the sleeve off his metal arm. You heard them swear. 

“Fuck. He’s The Winter Soldier.” one of them said, and when you glanced up at the ceiling again, you saw Steve charging at them, Bucky following seconds later.

The men realized what was happening, and turned around to escape down the hallway where you were, and you flicked your wrists to turn on the taser function on your batons, and hitting an agent in the head.

He fell to the ground and you kicked him in the face for good measure. You looked up and saw Bucky in a chokehold by an agent with his back to you. You stood up and ran towards him. You planted the batons on either side of the agents neck and watched as his whole body convulsed, releasing Bucky. He turned around and swore. He pulled you off to the side and let Steve keep fighting.

“W-What are you doing?” You asked. 

“Theres more rogue agents coming. I need you to bring out The Winter Soldier.” He stated. Your eyes widened.

“Shuri got rid of him.” 

Bucky shook his head. “Remember when you went on vacation with your dad, stepmom and the kids and I visited T’Challa?” You nodded. “Well, it wasn't to see the Wakandan kids like I said. I went to Shuri and I asked her to put a version of him back inside. I can take down and kill people, but YOU are the only one who can control me. I won’t hurt you, or Steve, I’ll know who you are, but you need to say my trigger words. I know you know what they are. I fight, you and Steve get to the lab, take the Pym Particles and run,” He said, glancing back at Steve, who was holding his own fairly well against multiple agents.

You nodded. “Fine. But I don't like that you lied to me, and we will be talking about this when we get back.” You stated, and Bucky nodded.

You cleared your throat, and started speaking. “Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight Car,” You said in Russian. 

Bucky became very stiff, his eyes shutting. His whole body spasmed, and his eyes opened, brown eyes replacing his steel blue. 

“Ready to comply,” He answered, and you gave him his orders. 

“Take down anyone who gets in our teams way,” You said, and the Soldier nodded before rejoining Steve to fight, with him, instead of against him.

You ran back to Steve and him and watched as the Soldier took down agent after agent with no difficulty. Steve’s mouth dropped open as he stood and watched. “What did you say to him?” He asked, and you smiled.

“I brought out the Soldier. Now, let’s finish this,” You said, allowing Steve to lead the way.

You two ran down the hall and turned to corner. “I thought Shuri got rid of him,” He said as the two of you continued running.

You glanced behind you before answering. “She took one Soldier out and put a different one in,” You said, and the two of you skidded to a stop when you came face to face with the Pym Particles storage room. 

“I know Hank only keeps a certain amount here, but no one but me and him know that at this point in time. Let’s go in, grab them, and destroy them. I’ll take the blame for it but I couldn't give less of a shit,” Steve said, and the two of you burst in the room. 

There were only 10 vials of Pym Particles, each of you grabbing 5. You ran out of the room, and back the way you came. You made it to the hallway where the Soldier was still fighting.

“SOLDAT!” You shouted. He stopped and turned to look at you. “Let’s go!”

He nodded and ran towards you. Steve burst through the door, and the three of you ran towards Steve’s car. The three of you hopped in, Bucky and you in the back, Steve in the drivers seat and speeding away. 

“D-do you know how to get Bucky back?” You asked Steve. He looked at you.

“Remind him who he is. That’s the only thing that worked for me, but this Winter Soldier programming is different.” 

“Wouldn't hurt to try,” You said, and took Bucky’s hand in your own. “Bucky, look at me,” The Soldier turned to you. “You’re James Buchanan Barnes. You were born March 10, 1917. Your best friend is Steve Rogers. Y/N Y/L/N is your girlfriend. Your favourite food is plums. You absolutely despise Sam Wilson,” You said, and watched as he came back to himself slowly. Steve cackled at the last part, before pulling into an abandoned parking lot.

“We gotta destroy these particles,” You said, looking down at them resting in your lap. 

“That’s what we’re doing. Take these,” He said, handing you the rest of the particles. “And put them on the ground in front of my car. We’re gonna run them over.” You nodded, took the vials out of his hand and hopping out of the car. You placed them on the ground and got back in. 

Bucky groaned, just as Steve accelerated, and ran the vials over, a satisfying crunching noise coming from under the tires. You turned and gave him a smile. He groaned again, and buried his head in your neck. Steve chuckled and turned the car around to head back. 

He glanced at the time on his watch. “Theres no point in going back to Lehigh, Peggy’s at home now. Where do you guys want to go to head back?” He asked, and Bucky pointed towards a small clump of trees in a park. Steve nodded, and pulled over. 

You walked up to Steve while Bucky got his tired body out of the car. “Thank you for helping us. I’m sorry for what I said.” You admitted, and Steve smiled.

“Don’t be. I needed to hear it. I was incredibly selfish, and I should have stayed with him. But, thank you for helping him.” He said, and you nodded. He gave you a hug, and you walked towards the trees to allow Bucky and Steve to say goodbye. They talked a little, shared a laugh, and hugged. Steve walked over to where you were standing. 

“Come back whenever you guys want to. I’d visit you, but that’s not my time anymore. Plus I don't have a suit or a GPS. I’d probably end up in the Sokovia fight again if I tried.” He said, and you and Bucky laughed. 

“We will. I know the fairs coming up soon, so maybe we’ll come back then?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded. They shared a smile again, and Steve watched as the two of you tapped your bracelets, the nanotech covered you and programmed your GPS’s. You waved at Steve, and he waved back. Bucky nodded at him, which Steve returned at the two of you locked eyes as you felt that familiar pull behind your navel, and your were thrust into the quantum realm again. 

You returned to 2024 seconds later, and glanced around at the untouched compound, and Tony’s desk, which was completely fine. Bucky looked around in confusion.

“What happened? Wasn’t it only a few seconds here? Why is everything fixed?” Bucky asked and you smiled.

“The chronological timeline where we were attacked was erased by us when we destroyed the particles, so the attack never happened.” 

Bucky nodded, before scooping you up and carrying you into the living room. “Good. Now, let’s finish the movie, and maybe have a quickie before Sam gets back.” Bucky said, sitting on the couch, and lifting your shirt over your head. 

You laughed, but agreed. “Sounds like a plan.” 

[quietlyimplode]

Natasha Romanoff Masterlist of Fic Recs - Version 2.0 - Page 1

Page 1 / Page 2 / Page 3 / Page 4 / Page 5

Updated June 2021

This is not an exhaustive list (and in no order whatsoever) of the brilliant fic that is out there. Please let me know of any i have missed or any recs to put in and I will endeavour to add it. I have not included warnings or ratings. Please make sure you look at the tags, judge for yourself and as always take care of yourself first. (17 authors under the cut)

The Irish Mayhem @the-irish-mayhem

White - part of Perfection of Duality Series - the making of Natasha Romanoff. One of my favourite fics in the world. I will love it forever.  -    25/25

Perfection of Duality- part two - Natasha - Natasha in shield - 4/?

Mypedia @sebuttstianstan

anything that bleeds - Natasha - Natasha is a sub. Don’t let that fool you, Natasha’s backstory with bdsm elements. 21/22

Shadesfalcon @shadesfalcon

Like Real People Do - Clint/Nat - ‘Do we have song?’ Iterations of what’s the ties that bind them together.    1/1

Whether you ask it or not - Clint/Nat - Natasha gets poisoned - and has the line ‘“’Night, little dragon. May your fires ever burn hot upon your unsuspecting foes.”    1/1

Sometimes winning means you’re the last one standing - ot6+everyone - don’t play ‘never have I ever’ without some laughs and trauma rearing its head   1/1

I am good - Clint/Nat/Laura - Clint brings Natasha home for the first time.   1/1

Careful She Bites - Clint/Nat - don’t confront Natasha about the handcuffs. Just don’t.  2/2

What happens here stays here - Clint/Nat- Natasha can’t remember Budapest.  1/1

Koren M- cybermathwitch

I’d Make Room for you - Clint/Nat/Laura - perspectives of each other are important. 1/1

Course Corrections - Clint/Nat/Laura - taking care of each other 2/2 snippets into conversations/life Course Corrections (Age of Ultron Fix-It Fic)

As if you have a choice - Clint/Nat - Natasha gets pregnant. They know they can’t keep it. 3/3

The weight of us - series of 11 - my fav is ‘Seeing Red’ and ‘Sharp and Sweet’. Clint/Nat shield days

Red Flag Warning - Natasha - red is a warning colour. Clint should know.   1/1

Edgeofthegalaxy @natasha-romanoff-deserved-better

buried in your bones, i see it in your closed eyes - Natasha dissociates and its a long way back Clint/Nat 1/1

Origins - Young Natasha in the red room, of learning morality and goodness. 1/1

But even the strong can fall - Natasha goes silent on a mission, Clint knows something is very wrong. Clint/Nat 2/2

Just a Kid - sometimes Natasha doesn’t realise how messed up her childhood was. Sometimes she needs to be told. Nat/team 1/1

Collateral Damage - Natasha comes home from a mission; Tony needs to patch her up. Tony & Nat 1/1

Daughter of Rohan @natrasharomanova

Living Louder - Clint/Nat - break my heart. Origin stories.   21/21

Beside you (sequel to living louder) - Clint/Nat - shield falls. Clint and Nat find each other in the aftermath.

It’s still raining - Clint/Nat - everything happens when it’s raining.  1/1

You are a piece of me, I wish I didn’t need. Clint/Nat/Laura/family. Clint brings Nat to the farm for the first time. Healing ensues.   1/1

Impossibilities- Clint/Nat but with Pepper/Maria/Darcy and Jane - Natasha is pregnant?   1/1

Wake my spirit Cold - Clint/Nat - Christmas throughout the years -    1/1

(We could be) infinite - Clint/Nat - ENDGAME FIX IT. The soul stone split in two. No one dies.    1/1

I am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt - Clint/Nat - ENDGAME FIX IT. Natasha dies but is alive in a multiverse. Clint dies in the alternate. They meet in the middle.     1/1

Sugarfey @sugarfey

Chrysalis - Natasha - this is how it goes and how she came to be.  Ashes series  1/3

A walk on part in the war. Natasha - Drakovs daughter is ‘saved’.  Ashes.  2/3

World on Fire - Clint (/Natasha) Clint has a history and can play the guitar.  Ashes   3/3 - my favourite part.

First Name Basis- Clint/Nat - getting to know you.    1/1

Right where I used to be - Clint/Nat - it’s Natasha’s birthday, Clint uses this to get to know her better.    1/1

Once was lost - Clint/Nat - slow burn, Natasha offers herself to him once.    1/1

Expresso is not an option - Nat/Maria - ‘you could destroy shield in a heartbeat, couldn’t you?’

Thursdays Child - Nat/fury - fury mentors Natasha-from afar.    1/1

Shelter - Clint/Nat/liho/lucky - Lucky puts one big paw on Natasha’s knee and looks at her as though she hung the sky with pizza -   1/1

Almost home - Natasha - find a mooring and settles -    1/1

Long spaces 3/3 - Natasha/Clint - natasha and Clint fit together - all the broken pieces. .  3/3

Inkvoices - @inkvoices

Smile for the living - POST ENDGAME - Natasha is brought back.     1/1

In deed- Clint/Bucky/Nat. In which dogs and deeds are discussed.    1/1

Driver chooses the music. Clint/Nat - get in the car.

On Names - Clint/Nat- she goes by many names -  1/1

AlwaysLera

Fallout Patterns - what happens when your mind is a nuclear bomb? Nat/Clint - sex is not always sex when trauma is as deep as hers -   14/14

Breathe me with your hands - Clint/Nat - navigating sex -  1/2 One Red Thread Series- Nats pov.

Hold you by the edges - 2/2 One Red Thread - Clint’s pov.

Ghosts that we knew - Clint/Nat - aftermath of the avengers. Natasha navigating the world when Clint safewords out. 15/?? Unfinished.

How the day sounds - Clint/Nat - thanksgiving throughout the years -     14/15 (?fluffy)

You were a kindness - Clint/Nat - a perfect look at the trauma of being brought in. Let herself be nothing but a branch. Let herself be nothing but stardust. Stardust could not be hurt. Stardust could not be used. Stardust could not be held.    1/1

Crashing, understanding, blinding, tumbling - Nat/Tony - plane crashes - tony takes care of Natasha whilst blinded -    1/1

Two plus two is five - Clint/Nat - how do you test a concussion? Two plus two is five in large quantities of two.   1/1

Into the dark (song fic) - team after harrowing mission watch Clint and Natasha dance - 1/1

The ocean carry you home - team- pepper is pregnant, Natasha doesn’t cope well with the news. Yellow blue bus.    1/1

Enigma731 @enigma731

Something just like this - Clint/Nat - Clint is depressed. Natasha doesn’t know how to help.    1/1

Going to the Chapel. Clint/Nat - get married in Budapest and have sex.

September - Tony/Nat bonding - Tony makes a memory machine to cure ptsd, Natasha helps.   1/1

Everything Costs - Clint/Nat- Natasha keeps getting hurt on missions, Clint wants to know why.  1/1

That’s way you showed me (I wasn’t quite so alone) - Clint/Nat - 3 christmas’ -    1/1

Prompts (some lovely short 1 shorts) - team assorted -   13/?

It starts with Time - Natasha - Natasha goes looking for her family -   1/1

The war I can’t win - Natasha/Clint - Clint gets injured. Natasha is his support.  1/1 (it mentions Occupational Therapy this is a winner)

We are not shining stars - Natasha/Laura + Clint - Clint dies (fair warning) it’s all Natasha can do to cope.    1/1

Unpack your heart - Clint/Nat - in the beginning they left post it notes -   1/1

Hearts and Bones and Blood - Natasha/Clint - Clint saves Natasha from mental health services when she first comes to shield. Because sometimes she gets lost in her own head.

What Girls are Made of - Nat/team - 5x Natasha has unconventional means of flying.    1/1

Ghost Towns - Clint/Nat - Natasha has memories implanted in her head, shield medical and Clint try to help.   1/1

The glass parade - Steve /Natasha - he watches her become different people.  1/1

Slipsthrufingers

Cleanliness Is Next To… - Nat/Clint- Or Five Memorable Showers Clint Barton and Natasha Have Had, and One Time There Was a Bath Instead. -  1/1

The more you know - Clint/Nat - this is what they learn first (or Natasha is not what is written in her file) -  1/1

Perspectives - Nat/team - perspective and interpretations; what do you see?

OracleGlass

safe as houses - Clint/Nat - what makes them go to a nonshield safehouse?

The clutch of circumstance - Clint/Nat- he helps her start. 1/1

Ranni

Voluntary Procedure - Clint and Natasha agree to be mind wiped. The others are not happy - Clint/Nat/Team 6/6

Stronghold - Natasha and Clint shut down their various safehouse. Clint/Nat (team) 1/1

Spy Vs Spy (recced by Anon) - Clint & Coulson & Natasha - Natasha Romanov was the most beautiful person in the room and nobody asked her to dance. 2/2

Paperairplanesopenwindows @paperairplanesopenwindows

On the first day of Christmas - Clint/Nat/Laura- Laura wants to celebrate, Clint and Nat aren’t so sure - 1/1

A little to the left - Clint/Nat/Laura - she’s Natasha but a little to the left (POST ENDGAME) -   4/4

Family Togetherness Time - Clint/Nat/Laura - Steve gets concerned about Nat and turns to the people he thinks can help. 3/3

Eauline

In every lifetime I choose you - Nat/Steve - Natasha gets captured to get to Steve. 11/11

MillyVeil

Burn baby, burn. Clint/Nat - Clint saves Natasha from heatstroke. 1/1

Teamwork - Clint/Nat - fuck or die, Clint’s not ok but Natasha is. He doesn’t understand. -   2/2

Other people - Clint/Nat- she’s up for some monkey sex until she’s not.    2/2

altheterrible @altheterrible

Shining white in the sun - Natasha - Clint dies, Natasha tries to cope. She doesn’t do it very well. 7/7

tastes - team - different tastes in points in time - 1/1

strix_alba

places to go, people to be- Natasha - Natasha gets to decide who she really is after the fall of shield 1/1

[a-black-pegasus]

I see you are taking asks 🤔, I was just wondering if you could you giant Hawkeye? Maybe the tiny is falling (idk how or why they jumped or fell) from a building and he sees them and catches them, maybe Hawkeye tryes to find who did it to them, or he gets a new roomy idk I just throwing ideas around like a balloon.😅 also ur writing is really good!

Hawkeye x tiny one-shot

Speedrun story because I'm in the car.

Also in my personal universe tony is alive

-------------------------

"I think we should just let new Jersey go if you ask me." Spidey joked over the intercom.

Clint snickered as he drew an arrow and fired. From his position in the abandoned apartment, he had a birds eye view. He watched the arrow soar through the air with a whistle and land at the feet of a storming group of robots.

As soon as the first few had passed over it, it exploded, demolishing a near dozen walking chunks of metal.

Maybe they should let New Jersey go. Why did they have so many robot problems?

"Pe- Pete's sake, Spiderman," Tony stumbled, trying to cover whatever he was going to say. "What happened to that friendly neighborhood persona you said you had?" Tony quipped back.

"Pe....Peeta? Peat? Pe....?" Clint wondered to himself as he nocked another arrow and aimed. Well, either way he was a step closer to finding out that Spiderman's name.

His thoughts came to a quick halt as a tiny screaming blip fell right in front of his view towards the ground.

Barton reacted instinctively. His legs jumped out the side of the building before his brain could tell him no. He pressed his bow arm flat against his back and stretched out his other arm straight.

He picked up momentum as he fell, the sound of the wind whipping around him was almost completely blocked out by the shriek of a tiny figure.

A few more yards...

The tiny figure was spinning wildly in the air.

A few more feet...

He could see the ground approaching.

A few more inches...

That rubble was not soft looking.

His fingers closed around them as he felt an arm wrap around his waist and swing upwards.

"Mr. Hawkeye! What are you doing?!" Spiderman asked, his voice amplified by both his presence

Clint had no time to check out what he caught, but whatever it was, it was warm and moving. He slipped it in a pocket and made a note to not roll on that side.

"Nothing. I tripped."

"Bullshit." Tony's voice crackled harshly over the earpiece. "You jumped."

Spidey let Clint go on a rooftop and spun to look at him with those mechanical digital black lens that Tony built in his suit. Clint suppressed a shudder as he could just tell spiderman was running a diagnosis on him.

"I'm fine." Barton said firmly. "Let's just finish cleaning this mess up." He drew a bow and shot it at another robot.

Sooner they finished here, sooner they could get on the ship and head home.

-----

They had cleaned up most of New Jersey and shut down the source of the commotion. Clint barely paid attention. He was getting to old for this. It was just another wannabe Tony Stark, blah blah vengeance, blah blah invention.

What he was really interested in was the thing in his pocket.

As the rest of the guys went to the ship to go get showers and change out of their suits, he went to the supply room to check his catch in peace.

He pulled the figure from his pocket, and they were not a happy camper.

As soon as he pulled them out they began to push at his fingers. But Clint could tell this was not a full effort.

For one, they were slick with sweat, and covered in dirt. He held them in his open palm and let them take a few minutes to breathe.

"You're seriously dehydrated. Here, take some water." He set them on a bin and pulled out his water bottle. He unscrewed the metal top off and hesitated. The bottle was three times bigger than them.

He filled the lid up and set it next to them. Even the lid was like a bucket.

They didn't care. They dragged their body over and held the edge as they guzzled down water.

Clint got a better look at them. They were slim, almost stick thin, and had short cropped hair. Their clothes looked like they were stitched together from scraps.

"What's your name?"

When they finished, they looked up with tired eyes and sighed.

"Does it matter?" They asked in a small, shakey voice. "Isn't this where I get a tag number and shoved in a cage?"

Clint wasn't expecting that.

"No. This isn't recruitment." He said. "If you don't want to give me a name I can give you one... Tiny."

He thought he saw them roll their eyes.

"My names Quinn." They said.

"And mine is Clint." He offered his hand to them. "You look like you could use a shower and a place to crash."

Quinn took one look at the incoming hand and pulled away.

"I have my own place." They said defensively.

Clint pulled back. "New Jersey? It's under repair at the moment. It's not suitable for civilians."

Was this a civilian? A person this small probably wasn't registered under any name.

"I'll be fine on my own. Thank you." Quinn said quickly, scooting back more.

Then the plane shook slightly and tilted to the left. It was probably just a bit of turbulence.

But Quinn yelped and clung to the groves of the crate. The water bottle lid tipped and clattered to the floor.

Clint just adjusted his weight with the movement. When it settled he crouched down in front of Quinn.

"Hey hey, it's ok. It's just some turbulence."

Quinn was shaking. "What's that??"

Clint slipped into dad mode. "Turbulence is just a little patch of air that bumps against the ship. But the plane is so big that it just flys right through-"

"We're flying!?" They interjected.

Clint winced as tears cut through the dirt on Quinn's face. Maybe he should get Thor, he was better at dealing with this kind of thing.

"I want to go home!" Quinn's voice cracked. "Take me home right now!"

"Quinn," he softened his tone. "I am not going to keep you from going home. But there's nothing back there. I'm not going to hurt you, but you need to consider your options."

Quinn shook their head, "I can't let people know about me! It's bad enough I got caught."

Clint could understand that. Getting your cover blown was the worst. He nodded.

"I can keep you secret from most people but my team will need to know about you." Clint could see Quinn balk at the mention of more people. "I can promise you they will treat you with respect. You'll have a place to stay and anything else you need." He paused.

"Or, I can leave you alone on this ship and let you take your chances. It's your choice."

He didn't want to force them to agree but he didn't want to leave Quinn on their own.

Quinn's shoulders slumped. "How many people?"

Clint thought it over in his head. Who needed to know?

Well, he and Natasha. Probably Tony and that would mean Bruce. And if Bruce knew he would definitely tell Thor...and they maybe should let Steve know once he got back from Canada. He would have to remind them to keep it from the spider kid and Loki.

"Five more." He said decidedly. "Just five."

Quinn bit their lip and after a few long minutes, nodded. "Ok." They wiped their face but only spread the grime around more. "I'll stick with you."

Clint offered his hand once more, and this time Quinn climbed on.

"I promise, we'll keep you safe." ---------------------------------

@sammigruber @gatlily @nightmarejasmine @misfitsgalaxygt @obwjam @bee-wrecker @nerdqueenkat @tinyliltina @lost-done @queenofconspiracies @dc41016 @tinyinabigworld @bloodmoon-memecore @exquisiteren @smolkuriboh27 @i-like-cookiez @shortmarcy @inthemusicbox @random-fandom-dragon

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Priority

Summary: Your wife keeps letting you down and as much as you love her, you’re sick of it.

Warning: Bit of Angst

Word Count: 1,975

*******

She‘s late, again, and from the looks of time she won’t make it at all. She’d left you to do this alone, again. Not that you’re surprised.

The loud sound of metal smacking against compact rubber pulls you from your thoughts.

Looking up, a smile lights across your face as your son drops his bat and takes off. The other little boys scramble to get the ball to the plates but he’s extremely quick. He’s stepping over the home plate in no time.

You rise to your feet, clapping and cheering for him. It grabs his attention and he smiles and waves excitedly at you. Only to deflate instantly at the empty space beside you.

She promised him she’d be here and she let you down again. More importantly she let him down.

Like most things, the game comes to an end. It’s Little Leagues Tee Ball so they aren’t big on “winners” and “losers” but your son’s team won. 

Damien excitedly runs up to you, Nathaniel not too far behind him. 

“Momma did you see how fast I ran?” He bounces up and down. 

With a wide smile, you scoop him up into your arms,“ you were so fast sweetie.”

Clint walks up, Damien’s and Nathaniel’s bags on his shoulders.

“What about me? Did I run fast Auntie Y/N?” Nathaniel asks, holding on to Laura’s hand tightly. 

You turn your smile to your nephew,“ of course you did. You two are gonna give the Yankees a run for their money.” 

“I think you guy’s big win deserves ice cream.” 

The boys cheer, Lila and Cooper smiling in agreement.

All of you head to the cars, the Barton’s get in Laura’s van while you and Damien get in your truck.

Riding over to the closest ice cream shop is only a couple of minutes. Clint says it’s his treat and pays after everyone chooses their ice cream.

You all walk across the street to the park, sitting at a picnic table as you eat your ice cream. 

Conversations flow between the group, Nathaniel and Damien talking about Tee Ball, Clint and Lila talk about archery, Cooper plays on his switch, and you and Laura talk about your kids.

The second Clint and the kids finish they run off to play on the playscape and the conversation turns to your partners, but you don’t contribute much.

Laura, knowing why you’re detached from this particular topic, places a comforting hand over yours,“ I know how frustrating it can be not having her around often.”

“I would completely understand if it couldn’t be helped but,” You sigh and shake your head,“ at this point it’s like she’s choosing not to be here for him.”

“Just give her some time.”

Uncontrollably a scoff falls from your lips,“ time? He’s five. And it’s not like I made this decision on my own. We both wanted kids, I didn’t just pop up pregnant one day and expect her to accept it.”

Laura nods along.

“And the excuses.” You roll your eyes,“ Damien buys it because he’s a child and he trusts his mom but, she turns around and tries to pull it on me like I can’t see through her crap.” 

Your friends listens intently to your ranting. Waiting a few minutes after you’re done before replying.

“I can’t say I completely understand because with Clint, even though he was invested to his job, kind of snapped into his role as a father. We knew he was devoted to us despite the days and months he spent away.”

Narrowed e/c eyes respond to her words,“ is this supposed to make me feel better?” 

She chuckles, shaking her head,“ yes and no. My point is that Clint and Natasha are different. Clint lost his parents when he was young but before that his mom gave him the love and care a child should have, despite his father’s actions.”

You nod, knowing what she’s talking about. Clint had opened up to you years after you were assigned as his partner at S.H.I.E.L.D. You were very open with him from the beginning, even about the horrible relationship you had with your homophobic parents. 

In the end your honesty with him is what lead him to trust you and open up about his father’s addiction to alcohol and his abuse towards Clint. 

From then on the two of you were very close. Going from two to three when you both brought Natasha in.

Laura continues explaining,“ it’s no secret that Natasha didn’t have that. I only know bits and pieces and that alone tells me that this, a marriage, a family, it’s probably very difficult for her.” 

You know she’s right. Natasha’s had a rough bringing up and you don’t doubt that that’s affected her but that doesn’t change the fact that she made a promise to you and ultimately this family to be there for you and she’s breaking that promise. 

As the sun starts to set you all decide to leave the park, stopping to get pizza and then going your separate ways to home.

Opening the door to your home you find Natasha sitting in the living room.

Damien runs over to her, happy to see her and asking where she was. As usual she tells him she was on a mission and that alone draws the boys childish curiosity and inquisitiveness into.

Not wanting to hear this, you set the pizza down on the coffee table and walk away.

It’s a while before she follows in after you, mentioning that he fell asleep and she put him to bed. 

“A mission, huh?” You say after a moment.“ How many times are you going to use that excuse with him Natasha? He doesn’t get it now but eventually he’ll know you’re lying to him.”

Your wife shakes her head,“ I’m not lying, I was on a mission.”

“Eh wrong! Try again.” 

Green eyes roll when you make the sound,“ I really was on a mission and I just got back.”

“Maybe you’re forgetting I work there too. Steve told me you’d finished the mission late last night and was just at the compound. So save the lie I’m genuinely not interested.”

Natasha’s body slumps, defeat and regret twisting around her bones and filling her with guilt.

“Y/N, I’m sorry okay I just-“

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to. It was Damien hopping you’d show up. He searched the stands for you when he didn’t see you with me.”

The guilt multiplied as well as the hurt. She didn’t miss the implication of your words: you’d started to give up on her, you didn’t expect her to be there today.

You run a hand through your hair,“ just go make things right with our son.”

With that you go to your room and collapse on the bed. Taking a deep breath, you quickly change into your pajamas, and go straight to sleep.

Hours later, you wake up on your own as opposed to the usual shrill of your alarm. Half asleep you check the time on your phone, it reading 7:15. You’re just about to go back to sleep before you realize what that means.

Knowing you have to get Damien to school by 8:30, you jump up, rushing to pull on some clothes and wash up. 

As you’re basically stumbling down the stairs you’re hit with the familiar smell of fresh coffee and bacon. 

Moving into the kitchen reveals Damien sitting at the table, talking through a mouth of pancakes to your wife. Natasha leans beside the stove, clad in black sweatpants and a t-shirt, sipping from a mug.

“Momma look, mom made pancakes!” Damien exclaims, holding up his half empty plate of food.

You move in further, eyes falling to the empty spot at the table. A plate of pancakes and bacon sits beside a mug of hot coffee. A blue sticky note is on the mug, ‘I Love You ;)’ in your wife’s handwriting on it. 

“Damien, sweetie go get dressed, you don’t want to be late.” 

Being the obedient angel that he is, he jumps up and runs off to get ready for school. 

Natasha watches you as you run your finger along the edge of the white porcelain plate. Then slicing your fork into the pancakes and tasting it.

“Pretty good. Where’d you learn to cook?” You have an upset and snarky comment on reserve but push it aside.

“I called Laura and she walked me through it. Damien likes them.” 

You nod.

Sighing, Natasha sets her mug down, cautiously approaching you.“ Y/N, I’m sorry. I love you and Damien more than I can ever express with words And I-” She steps around you to lock her gaze with yours,“ I know I’ve let you and Damien down and I will do everything I can to make it up to the both of you.” 

“Tasha.” You run a hand through your hair.“ I just don’t understand why? You are avidly making the choice to bail on us.”

“Because I’m scared Y/N. When Damien was born I thought I could do this despite everything I’ve ever known but I see him and the way you are with him and that’s how a mother is supposed to be with their child and I can’t be that. I’m not a mother.” 

It breaks your heart to hear that that’s how she feels. Only for it to break further at the tears that pool in her eyes. 

You reach for her hands, quick to reassure her,“ but you are a mother Natasha. And Damien loves you more than anything in this world. You were so good with him, the problem came when you stopped showing up. All he wants is your love and attention.”

Reaching up you wipe away the escaping tears.

“I know it can’t be easy for you. Coming up the way that you did I know this is all new to you but it is for me too. In a different way yes but still, we’re both learning. I just- I need you Natasha. This isn’t easy alone and whether you’re ready or not you made a promise to us to be here.” 

Natasha’s green eyes flicker away from you at that,“ I’m so sorry. I’ve been acting incredibly selfish.”

Little, shoe clad feet, connecting with the floor breaks the conversation. Damien rounds the corner, dressed and holding his backpack.

“Moms I’m ready.” He says with a bright smile, a mix of yours and Natasha’s.

You squeeze Natasha’s hand in yours, a promise to finish later. 

Together you take your son to school. Damien kissing your cheek before asking Natasha if he’ll be with you to pick him up.

She promises to and you make sure he gets in the school safely before going back home.

You fix two cups of tea and join your wife in the living room. 

Sitting side by side, thighs and shoulders pressed together, you both wait for the other to restart the conversation. 

“You’re a good mother Natasha. Damien adores you. And neither of us expect you to be perfect at this. Believe me I’ve made plenty of mistakes already. If he’s screwed up it’s my fault, not yours.” You partly joke. 

Natasha grabs your hand, fingers lacing with yours,“ I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you and be here for you and our son. And I’m sorry I’ve made you feel so alone in this.”

“You’re forgiven my love,” you kiss the back of her hand,“ and we’ll figure this out together.” You joke,“ and Laura.” 

She laughs, fully pulling you into her embrace. After she sobers up she kisses your head. 

“I promise from here on out you two are my main priority.” 

[storiesforallfandoms]

locked up ~ clint barton;mcu

word count: 2279

request?: yes!

for @stellastyless​

description: after having to deal with their weird friendship for so long, her brother and their friends decide to take matters into their own hands

pairing: clint barton x female!oc

warnings: swearing

masterlist

“What are you doing here?”

I raised an eyebrow at Clint. “Wow, that’s a nice greeting. Good to see you, too, Clint.”

Clint rolled his eyes at me. “I was told Natasha wanted to meet me here. She said something about training?”

Hearing him say he was meeting Natasha felt like a dagger through my heart. Of course he wanted to meet Natasha, why wouldn’t he? Everyone loves Natasha. She’s gorgeous and badass.

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave Clint the best bitchy look I could muster. “Well, Tony told me he wanted to meet in here, too. Maybe they accidentally double booked us or something.”

I felt a hard shove push me further into the room before the door closed behind me and locked. I pulled on the knob a little before calling, “Friday? What the fuck?!”

“I’m sorry Miss Stark,” Friday’s voice filled the room. “I have strict orders not to let you out.”

“What? Who gave you those orders?”

My brother’s face appeared in the window of the door. I rolled my eyes as I unsheathed one of my katanas. “Of course. Let us out Tony!”

“Hey!” Tony stopped me before I could pounce. “You know I secured all the windows so you can’t break any of them again.”

I groaned as I realized he was right. After a few...accidents in the compound, Tony had to replace all the glass with bullet proof glass so my katanas couldn’t go through it anymore.

Natasha’s face appeared beside Tony then.

“Nat, what is Tony playing at here?” Clint asked.

“Actually, this was my idea,” she admitted.

“You two have been dancing around your feelings for far too long,” Tony said. “We are sick of it, so neither of you are allowed to leave until you finally talk everything through.”

I rolled my eyes at him again. “There’s nothing to talk about. This is so childish. Friday, let us out.”

“I’m sorry Miss Stark, I can’t do that.” Friday responded. “Tony has given me strict orders to not open the door for anyone except him.”

“We’ll return to check on you guys in about an hour,” Tony said. “Don’t kill each other.”

He disappeared before Clint and I could protest. Natasha gave us a sympathetic look before following Tony’s lead. I sighed and faced Clint. “So, now what do we do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t understand what Tony is talking about. I can’t dance at all, let alone around some feelings.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his joke.

Of course, I knew what Tony meant, but I wasn’t about to admit that to Clint. Not when it was so obvious that he didn’t feel the same way for me.

I knew I had feelings for Clint since the very beginning. At first I had thought it was just an infatuation with his archery skills. As someone who was trained in Kunoichi and skilled with katanas, it always interested me to watch someone who was equally as skilled in something else.

It wasn’t until Clint and I were sent to the Hydra base on an undercover mission that I realized my feelings were deeper than friendship. I was tasked with distracting Hydra agents while Clint tried to get in and get the information. I decided the best way to do that was to pretend to flirt with the guards. It didn’t take long for Clint to get in and get the info then leave, but to get me away from the guards he pretended to be my boyfriend. He had walked up to me, put his arm around my waist and talked all sweet and gentle to me before knocking the guard out.

Feeling his hand on my waist, hearing him say sweet nothings to me, even though I knew it meant nothing, still made my heart race and I felt severely disappointed when I realized it was just a role he was playing, although I should’ve known that from the start. And in that moment, I knew that I saw Clint as more than just my teammate or my friend.

But it was also painfully obvious that I was not the one Clint had eyes for. Natasha was. I could see it in the way he looked at her, the way he talked to her or about her. They had been friends for so long, partners for even longer. Clint was the reason Natasha was brought onto S.H.I.E.L.D. It made sense that they’d have feelings for one another.

And that’s where mine and Clint’s love-hate relationship came from.

The time within the room we were locked in passed very slowly. Seconds after Tony and Natasha left, I was sure that an hour had already passed. We had nothing to occupy ourselves besides each other, but neither one of us was making any attempts at a conversation.

“Do you think we could force the door open with one of your katanas?” Clint asked finally. He had been eyeing the door for some time. “They’re sharp enough to get in through the slits there, maybe we could maneuver it in some way to unlatch the lock and let ourselves out.”

I shook my head. “These doors have some real defense mechanisms on them. One too many bad guys have broken into this building, Tony isn’t about to let that happen again.”

“And you don’t think Friday will open the door for us if we ask while Tony isn’t around?”

I shook my head again. “Nope. Friday is basically Jarvis on crack. She’ll listen to Tony’s every command and do exactly as he says, which means if Tony says to keep us locked in here, she’ll do just that.”

Clint sighed and put his head back against the wall. “God, he’s such an annoying control freak.”

I glared at Clint. “Hey, that’s my brother you’re talking about. He’s not controlling, he’s just careful and worried. After everything he’s been through, and the countless people he’s lost or almost lost, he’s not about to take any risks.”

“You’re not objecting to the annoying part.”

“No, cause he is annoying. He’s just not a control freak.”

A hint of a smile spread on Clint’s face. “Do you think he locked us in here to see if we’d kill each other.”

I eyed Clint’s outfit, noting his lack of bow and arrow. “No, not when you don’t have any weapons. Too easy of a fight for me.”

“What if I stole one of your katanas?”

“Still too easy, I’m trained to fight with one or both.”

The silence fell over the room again. I wished desperately to check my watch, but realized, of course, that I had forgotten it in my room.

Tony has to be coming back soon, I thought to myself. It has to almost be an hour.

Suddenly, a TV in the room flickered to life. Clint and I jumped up at the same time as an image of the two of us filled the screen. For a moment, I thought that it was a live video of the two of us, until I realized I was holding a bow and arrow. I recognized the room we were in as the training room in the basement of the tower.

“Steve asked you to do this?” the Stella in the video asked. “I’m a little offended. I thought I was good with my own weapons.”

“You are,” Clint told me. “But imagine how unstoppable you’d be if you mastered the katanas and archery.”

Video Stella smirked to herself. “You have a point. Alright sensei, teach me.”

The video fast forwarded a while as Clint trained me in archery. It stopped again when Natasha walked into the room, pulling her bright red hair back into a ponytail. “Hey guys. Am I interrupting?”

“Yes,” came my response, which was overlapped by Clint saying, “No, not at all.”

Natasha smiled at the two of us. “Mind if I practice too then? My skills have gotten a little rusty.”

“Of course, the more the merrier,” Clint told her, offering her his own bow and arrow.

I could remember my jealousy in that moment. I remembered the feeling of anger bubbling up in me as Clint drew all of his attention to Natasha. As per usual, they started talking about their own past missions and old memories while Clint helped Natasha, who very obviously didn’t need it.

I felt my cheeks heating up with embarrassment as I watched Video Stella glaring at Clint and Natasha as I pointed the arrow at a target on the wall. Not watching what I was doing, the arrow flew miles away from the target and hit the wall, causing an indent that I knew was still there to this day.

Clint hissed a profanity before running towards the arrow, attempting to pull it down. As he did so, I quickly walked over to Natasha.

“Hey Nat,” I said. “I don’t mean to sound rude, but do you mind leaving Clint and I to work on this? He seems a little...distracted by you.”

Natasha gave me a knowing look, one that I had chosen to ignore at the time. “Sure, have fun with your lesson.”

“I’m still upset over the damage to that wall,” came Tony’s voice as the TV turned off again. “But I guess I’m glad it’s the training room and not anywhere else in the building.”

“What was that for, Tony?” I asked, trying not to face Clint. He didn’t know I had asked Natasha to leave that day. I had told her she just left, and she went along with my excuse.

“Just to jog your memory, since neither of you seem to know why we want you to talk,” Tony responded. “You have another 20 minutes.”

I couldn’t help but groan as I heard how much time we had left.

“Why did you ask Natasha to leave that day?” Clint asked. I finally turned to look at him to see that he was confused. “You were doing so well before she came, then you...demolished the wall and told her I was distracted by her?”

I felt my heart racing as I tried to come up with some excuse. “I...I figured that I needed the training from you, s-since I had shot the wall.”

“But you were...staring at us when it happened. You weren’t even focusing on the target when you shot.”

I felt frustration boiling over in me and I couldn’t stop myself before I blurted, “God Clint, are you really that fucking blind?!”

He was taken back by my outburst, and so was I honestly. With that out, however, I knew there was no turning back. “Why else do you think I’d get like that when Natasha is around? Why do you think I was so distracted despite not being so earlier? Use your brain for once you fucking idiot!”

“And here you go again,” Clint said, rolling his eyes. “We were getting along before that stupid video played, and now you’re getting angry with me. Why are you like this, Stella? What happened to us just being friends like we were when we first met?”

“I can’t just be fucking friends with you, Clint!” I snapped.

“Why not?”

“Because I have fucking feelings for you!”

I covered my mouth the moment the words were out. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but at the same time it felt like another one had replaced it. I had to wait for Clint’s response, and I already knew it wasn’t going to be one I liked.

He looked shocked at my outburst. My hands were shaking as I slowly lowered them from my face. I looked around the room, trying to find the security camera I knew Tony had installed in there. “Did you hear that, big brother? I said it! You got what you wanted, now open the door!”

“Not yet,” Tony’s voice responded.

“What else are you waiting for?” I asked. I could hear my voice trembling, but I held back the lump of tears that was forming in my throat. “Clint’s not going to say anything back, he doesn’t like me the same way. Why would he? I mean, have you seen Natasha? She’s gorgeous, and she’s so badass. Why would he ever have feelings for me when he already has her?”

“Stel,” came Natasha’s voice in return, “turn around.”

I turned to look back at Clint, who caught my lips with his the moment I had turned. I melted into the kiss immediately, almost feeling relieved that I was finally able to kiss him.

I pulled away after a moment, looking up at him. “Really?”

The smile that I adored spread across his face. “Yeah, really. I’ve been wanting to tell you for such a long time, but I always thought you hated me.”

“I thought it was easier to pretend to hate you than to let myself get hurt,” I admitted. “I didn’t inherit my father’s brains like Tony did.”

“She said it, not me,” came Tony’s voice once more before the door to the room unlocked and opened.

I couldn’t wipe the wide smile off of my face as I looked up at Clint. “So...what does this mean now? Where do we go from here?”

“We get out of this room and I take you somewhere nice where we can start all over,” Clint responded. “Forget all the jealousy and the fights ever happened and we try this again...but better this time.”

I nodded. “I like that plan. Let’s go.”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love and Medicine ~ 15

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 4,365ish

Summary: The divorce papers are still an issue. (Grey’s Anatomy 2x05) [Finally! I know. Thank you for being patient with me!]

You grabbed your things and rushed out of the bar. Steve quickly did the same.

“Y/N,” Steve called.

“No. I don’t want to talk about this,” you replied, heading down the street. “Not now. Not with you.”

“Y/N…”

“You didn’t sign the divorce papers. Fine. I get it. End of discussion.”

“Y/N.”

“What?!?” You finally spun around to face him.

“Oh… I usually just say ‘Y/N’ and then you yell at me. I haven’t really thought past that point.” You scowled and shook your head. “I actually didn’t have anything planned.” You hit him with your bag. “Hey!” He rubbed his arm. “What is with that?” You did it a few more times. “Hey stop it. Ow.”

“Seriously?! Seriously?! You know what, just leave me alone.”

Steve reached for you. “Y/N—“

“Stop it! I said leave me alone! I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

You stormed off, heading to find your car so that you could go back home. You were pissed at Steve and, mostly, yourself. How could you let yourself believe that he would be so willing to sign those divorce papers to be with you?

~~~ 

All you interns had just finished rounds and Gamora had you all in the hallway for assignments. Before she could call them out, Peggy interrupted.

“Has anyone seen Dr. Rogers this morning?” She wondered.

“His name is on the OR board,” Gamora answered. “He should be here somewhere.”

“Thank you.” Peggy swiftly walked off.

“Quill, Lang, you’re in the pit today. Val, there’s a cardiac patient waiting up for you on 2. Barton, they need help in peds. Romanoff, keep an eye on the Longs. And L/N, you’re with Rogers. I don’t want any problems. Go.”

Everyone hurried away while you stayed put. “Rogers?” You whispered. “Uh, I guess, which one?”

“Steve.”

“Uh, I don’t think—“

“Hey, life is short. Times are hard. The road is long with many a winding turn,” Gamora sassed. “He actually asked for you. Take it up with him.” Gamora walked away.

“Shit.”

“Shit? Oh no,” Tony showed up beside you. “It’s only morning. What’s wrong already?”

“Steve didn’t sign the divorce papers.”

“Oh,” Tony grimaced. 

“And now he’s asked for me to be on his service today.”

“Well, maybe he will sign them. He just has to think about it.”

“But I don’t want him to think about it. I want it… I want…”

“You want to be the obvious choice. I get it.”

“Yeah… how’s trying to get Pepper going?”

“I think I almost have her. I’ve been in on all her surgeries that I can be. Fury and Hill are even making it work.”

“Wow. I wish I had everyone on my side. But… I don’t and it doesn’t matter anymore. It has to be his choice, not mine, not me pleading or begging. It needs to be all him.”

“Wise,” Tony nodded. “I still think he’ll choose you.”

“We will see… we will see…”

~~~

“Y/N,” Steve greeted when you found him.

“Your wife is looking for you,” you responded.

“Oh, my gosh,” he sighed. “This is hard for me, Y/N.”

“Well, let me make it easy then. I’m not gonna be that woman. The one who breaks up a marriage or begs you to want me. You can sign the papers or you cannot. The choice is yours. Either way, when it comes to this relationship, I’m out.” Steve’s eyes widened and he went to speak but you quickly cut him off. “Nope. We aren’t getting into it anymore. Now, where’s this patient I’m supposed to be helping with.”

Steve pointed behind him. “Down there. But, Y/N—“

“No.” You walked away, Steve following.

“Y/N—“

“No.”

Finally letting it go, Steve sighed and followed you into the patient’s room. There was a young woman on the bed.

“Good morning,” Steve greeted.

“Morning Dr. Rogers,” she responded.

“This is Dr. L/N.”

“Hello,” you greeted. “Can you tell us about your pain?”

“I’ve had a twinge in my back for a little while,” the young woman explained. “I thought it would go away, but then last night my legs went numb. And this morning my back… the pain is just too much.”

“Miss Yang, we’re going to put you on a PCA pump,” Steve said, “give you some morphine which should help control the pain.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, but there is a bigger problem here. I’ve just take a look at your MRI—“

“Cris!” A man exclaimed, him and a woman rushing into the room and to the young woman’s bedside. “Why didn’t you call us before coming down here?”

“I’m sorry,” Cris said. She turned to look at you and Steve. “These are my parents.”

“What’s going on?”

“I was just about to explain that Cris’s MRI has shown that she has myxopapillary ependymoma,” Steve answered. “It’s a tumor in her spinal canal. But the good news is that we can operate. You have a 95% chance of fully if we get you into surgery as soon as possible. We can’t wait another moment. With a tumor this aggressive even waiting another day puts you at risk of permanent paralysis.”

“Father?” Cris questioned, looking to the man.

Mr. Yang shook his head. “No,” he said. “No surgery.”

“Mr. Yang, without surgery Cris will be paralyzed, probably within the next 24 hours,” Steve said.

“There will be no surgery today. We’re taking her home.”

“Cris needs the surgery,” you pressed.

“And she can have it at another time.”

“Look,” Steve tried again, “Mr. Yang—“

“We are taking our daughter home.”

Steve looked at Cris. “Cris, you are over 18. You don’t need your father’s consent.”

“I am Hmong, and my father is the elder,” Cris explained. “He says I go home, I go home.”

You could tell that Steve was holding back from a harsh reply. He gave Mr. Yang a nod before leaving the room, you following after him.

“Hmong? Let’s find out what that means,” Steve said.

“Do I continue to process her discharge?” You wondered.

“Yeah we have to. It’s insane, but we have to. It reminds me of this case I had one time and this woman came to the office and—“

“Look, do you need me for anything else work related?”

Steve looked around the hallway before pulling you into an on-call room with him.

“Look, I was married for 11 years,” Steve began. “Peggy is my family. That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I’m supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn’t do that. Not without a little hesitation. I’m entitled to a little uncertainty here! At least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I’m entitled to at least one moment of painful doubt. And a little understanding from you would be nice.”

“I am not fighting you on this,” you responded, opening the door. “Not anymore.”

You stormed away. Leaving both you and Steve in an confused state of anger.

~~~

Bruce was walking down the hall when he noticed Peggy.

“Dr. Rogers,” he greeted. “Still here, I see.”

“I couldn’t leave you,” she responded with a smile. “Have you seen the other Dr. Rogers by chance?”

“I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.”

“Thanks,” Peggy walked off and Natasha walked up.

“So, um, thanks for, uh, being there,” she said softly.

“No thanks needed,” Bruce responded.

“Okay.”

“So where are we?”

“Uh, the north-east corner of a medical center.” Bruce glared at her. “Oh, I’m, I’m getting back on my feet.”

“Fine.”

“That doesn’t mean that—“

“Natasha.”

“It’s my first day back, I’ve… I’ve got—“

“I’m not waiting forever.” The lights flickered, causing the two of them to glance up. “And, apparently, I’m not the only one.”

“Dr. Banner!” Nurse Vision jogged up. “There’s a problem with the elevator!”

“And?”

“Dr. Quill and Dr. Barton are stuck in it with your GSW patient that they were bringing up to the OR.”

“I should have fought harder for the pit,” Natasha grumbled.

~~~

“Lightning hit a sub station,” Maria Hill told Fury as they walked down the hall with Peggy. “We’re running on back up generators.” The medical center had lost its power. “One of them is down.” 

Fury stopped, causing the others to do so as well. He rested his hands on his hips, annoyed.

“Breathe, Nick,” Peggy guided. “Breathe.”

“Don’t tell me to breathe, damn it!” He exclaimed. “The only direct means of transporting from the ER to the OR isn’t working. I’ll breathe if I wanna breathe.”

Fury huffed before making his way to the elevators. Gamora and Banner were there, watching some men pry open an elevator.

“How bad is it?” Fury asked.

“Two interns and a GSW to the chest,” Bruce explained.

Fury closed his eyes and put his hand to his forehead.

“Good air in,” Peggy coaxed, doing it herself. “Bad air out.”

Fury gave her a look before turning his attention back on the elevator. “Come on people! Get those doors open!”

The men working on the elevator doors, finally get the door partially open. Revealing that the elevator car was caught between floors. Peter and Clint were in there with their GSW patient.

“It’s jammed,” one of the workers said. “It won’t open anymore. This is as wide as it will go.”

“What did you two do?” Gamora asked the interns in the elevator, kneeling down to see them better.

“Nothing!” They both exclaimed.

“How’s the patient?” Bruce asked, getting down beside Gamora.

“He’s not looking so good,” Clint answered.

~~~

“Why do the lights keep flickering?” Cris asked.

“Something about a backup generator,” you answered, finishing up hooking the morphine up to her IV. “This pump will provide you with a morphine drip and should stop your pain.”

“I told you, I don’t need it. I’m going home.”

“You realize you’ll have to sign an AMA form stating that you’re leaving against medical advice.”

“Fine,” she nodded.

“I know this is new and confusing. I actually called a social worker, they’re willing to come down and talk to you—“

“Spare me the cultural divide, love. I grew up from the street down here. I play in a band. I get it. My father doesn’t. He says no, it’s no.”

“We’re talking about your ability to ever walk again.”

“That’s what you're talking about. I’m talking about my family. Have you ever even heard of the Hmong people?” You shook your head. “Our religion has got rules that are way old and way set in stone and way spiritual and you don’t mess with them.” She sighed. “You don’t anger the ancestors. Even if you pierce your tongue and play in a band.”

“What are the rules exactly?”

~~~

“Rogers!” Gamora shouted as she headed towards Steve. “You’re wife is looking for you.”

“I know,” he responded.

“Are you actively avoiding her?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

Gamora scoffed, shaking her head as she walked away. “You’ve got to deal with your problems before they all blow up in this medical center!”

“Steve,” you called, coming up beside him.

“Yes?” He replied, turning to look at you.

“You need to talk to Cris’s father. I’d do it myself but I guess having testicles is a requirement.”

Steve sighed. “Did you try social services?”

“They can’t help us. Mr. Yang believes that Cris is missing something that she needs for surgery.”

“Missing something? Missing what?”

“One of her souls. We don’t need someone from social services. We need a shaman.”

~~~

Peter and Clint were still stuck in the elevator with their patient, Tommy. The patient was getting delirious, trying to sit up and pull out the tubes and wires.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Peter asked, trying to stop him.

“I have to get home,” Tommy said.

“Tom, you’re in the hospital.”

He sat up. “Need to get home.” Clint and Peter quickly worked to restrain him. “No. Need to get home.”

Dr. Banner, hearing the commotion, peered through the small opening of the elevator doors. “What’s his blood pressure?” The attending asked.

“It’s not reading,” Clint informed. “He’s too agitated.”

“How’s his pulse?”

“Thready but it’s still there,” Peter answered.

“Do you have any instruments?”

“Uh, we have…” Peter quickly looked around. “Uh, just a code box and some gloves.”

“You didn’t bring an open chest tray?”

“No. We thought—“

“You don’t have time for excuses. Barton, blood pressure.”

“I’ve taken it 3 times,” Clint replied.

“And?”

“I can’t hear systolic over 50.” Clint looked down at Tommy, who is really pale and wheezing. “He’s gonna die.” Both interns look at each other, scared.

“Intubate him,” Bruce ordered. “I’ll be right back.” He went to push himself up off the floor.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“To get an instrument tray. You guys are going to have to open up his chest.”

Clint and Peter looked back at each, minds going a mile a minute as Banner stood up. Gamora was behind him, having heard the whole thing.

“Are you sure about having them open his chest?” Gamora asked.

“No,” he answered before he hurried away.

~~~

Chief Fury and Dr. Hill were walking down the hall together.

“This is incogitable,” Fury said. “There’s not enough power to move those elevators?”

“They’re doing what they can to replace the back up generator now,” Hill responded. “Fire department is standing by.”

“All critical patients?”

“Moved to the south wing.”

“Incoming trauma?”

“Re-routed to the other medical centers.”

“That damn back-up generator should’ve been replaced last year.”

“Yes, sir.”

“So why didn’t it happen? Dr. Hill, you know everything. Tell me whose ass I need to kick.”

“That would be your ass, Chief. You didn’t authorize the replacement generator to save money for the new MRI machine.”

Not wanting to show weakness, Fury walked away. Grumbling under his breath as he went.

~~~

It didn’t take long for Bruce to return to the elevator with the things the interns would need.

“This isn’t gonna be too sterile,” Bruce said as he got down to hand them the tools, “but we can still try. Prep and drape the patient.”

“On it,” Clint responded, quickly getting to work.

Peter stood there for a moment, nervously staring at Tommy. Eventually, he snapped out of it, shakily helping.

“Okay…” Peter breathed out once they were finished. “We’re really going to do this.”

Clint just looked at him, both interns feeling completely unprepared, as he kept squeezing air into the patient. Bruce stuck his hand back through with a pair of scissors and a scalpel in it. He hands them towards Peter, looking at him expectedly.

“Take these,” the attending said. Peter just looked at them, remaining still. “Quill, take the scalpel.” Peter just continued to stand frozen.

“Come on, Peter!” Clint exclaimed. “Take the damn scalpel!”

Dr. Banner looked at Peter, completely confused as to way the intern wasn’t moving. Bruce shook his hand to signal for Peter to take the instruments. But the intern looked away.

“Ventilate!” Clint demanded, annoyed at Peter as he shoved what he was holding into Peter’s hands. “I got it.” Clint swiped the instruments from Dr. Banner. He shot Peter an angry look. “Okay,” Clint looked to Dr. Banner. “What do I do?”

“Make a large anterior, lateral, mid-auxiliary incision in the 5th intercostal space,” Bruce directed.

“How—how large?”

“As long as possible. You need to get 2 hands in there. It needs to be long and deep. Use the scissors if you have to.” Peter then made eye contact with Bruce. “Quill, hold a light up for Barton while you’re ventilating. You can do that, right?” 

Peter nodded, grabbing a flashlight from Banner. Clint took a deep breath. He was about to cut when Bruce startled him.

“Barton, be sure you don’t cut into the lobe of the heart,” Bruce warned.

“Uh… how—“ Clint paused to clear his throat. “How can I be sure of that?”

“You just have to be sure.”

“We’ll, uh, we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore,” Clint tried to joke before cutting into Pete’s chest.

~~~

You walked up to Cris’ room. Steve was standing outside, watching the patient and her father interact.

“Is the shaman here yet?” You asked.

“He’s late,” Steve replied. He glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “We need to get her into surgery right now.”

Before you really thought about it, you put a comforting hand on Steve’s arm. “It will work out.”

Steve looked down at your hand and then at you. You two stared at each other, lost in the others eyes. It was too long before you realized that you two were too close for your liking and that your hand was still on his arm.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, stepping back.

“Y/N, please just—“

You shook your head. “I’ll see how far our shaman’s out.” And you hurried away.

~~~

Bruce hadn’t moved from his viewpoint of inside the elevator. It had been a while now since Clint had cut into Tommy, but Bruce couldn’t see exactly what was going on.

“Barton, how are you doing down there?” He asked.

“Bruce,” Maria Hill said before Clint could answer. “The fire department’s here. They can get the doors open.”

“No!” Bruce turned to look at the crowd behind him. “Nobody moves. Nobody works not he elevator. I have an open chest and a very nervous intern in there. Keep them back until I give the word.” Dr. Hill nodded, motioning everyone back, before Bruce focused back on inside the elevator. “Clint.”

“I didn’t cut the heart or the lungs,” Clint answered, clearly surprised. “Dr. Banner, I didn’t cut the heart or the lungs!”

“Good, good. Very good. Now check for injuries and do a pericardiotomy.”

“Uh, I’ll need some lap pads, forceps, Metzenbaums and Satinksy clamps then.”

Bruce gave a light smile and a nod. “Yes, you will.”

Clint was quickly given the supplies and got to work. 

“Okay… I’ve removed the small clot from the pericardium,” Clint informed Dr. Banner. “No obvious cardiac injuries.”

“Any change in the vitals?” Bruce wondered.

“BP’s still too low to register on the monitor,” Peter spoke up.

“We need to cross clamp the aorta.”

Clint grabbed the clamp from a tray next to him and put it through the opening.

“Stick your hand in and bluntly dissect down until you feel two tube-like structures,” Bruce guided. “The esophagus will be more medical and anterior.”

Clint stuck both his bands in the open chest. “Ah, I feel one tube that is easily collapsible and the other I store muscular, spongy. I can also feel the spine, just underneath it.”

“Yes, you’re touching the aorta.”

The intern grinned. “I’m touching the aorta.”

“Wrap the index finger of your left hand around it and apply a Satinsky clamp with your right hand.”

Clint put in the clamp. “Got it… Wait, I… I think I can localize the bleeding. I… Well… I think it’s coming from the inferior vena cava.”

“Can you find the lesion?”

“Yeah. Yeah… I think I can feel, ah—it’s too far in to repair.”

“Can you tell me how big it is?”

“Small, maybe… like, smaller than a dime.”

“Okay then Barton, I want you to take your finger and plug the hole.”

Clint nodded and did as directed. “I think I can feel his heart… it’s… it’s starting to fill more. It’s beating a little stronger.”

“Excellent. Keep your finger there.”

“Okay. Now what?”

“That’s it.”

“Really?” Bruce turned to lay on his back in relief. “I just stand here with my finger plugging the hole?”

“Yes. Until we can get you out of that elevator and into the OR.” Bruce lifted his head and looked at Dr. Hill. “Tell the fire department to get them out of there.”

“On it,” Hill responded.

Bruce rolled back over and looked at Clint. “Barton.”

“Yes, sir?” The intern replied.

“You just flew solo.”

~~~

“Okay, Cris. We’re going to shut off the PCA pump now,” you began explaining, “which means you will be in a lot of pain for the duration of the—“

“The healing ritual,” Cris interrupted.

“Are you going to be okay with that?”

“Yeah. I can’t find my soul if I’m medicated. No pain, no gain, right?”

“Just, tell me this… you believe in it all too, right? You’re not just doing this for your father.”

“I know it sounds like a load of crap but… just watch the ritual. You’ll see.”

“See what?”

“The moment it happens.” You nodded as the shaman came in with Cris’ family. She looked at them. “I’m ready.”

To give them some room, you and Steve watched and waiting from outside the room.

“How long do you think it takes to retrieve a lost soul?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know,” you replied.

You and Steve carefully watched the healing ritual. And you did see what Cris was talking about. The moment it happened. You didn’t have to believe in it, but you did find a new found respect for her beliefs.

~~~

During Cris’ surgery, you and Steve worked in tandem. You felt weighed down the whole time though. Peggy stood watch in the gallery, smiling down at Steve. He looked up every so often, always looking at his wife. You noticed each time.

You had already finished scrubbing out of surgery by the time Steve started himself. You were outside the scrub room, pacing. You couldn’t do this, this whole pretending to not care thing. It was too hard. You burst into the scrub room, Steve immediately looking at you.

“I lied,” you said. “I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. I’m so in, it’s humiliating because here I am, going to beg—“

“Y/N,” Steve interrupted quietly.

“Just shut up. You say Y/N and I yell, remember?”

“Yeah.” He leaned away the sink, listening.

“Okay, here it is,” you took a deep breath. “Your choice. It’s simple.” You started to get emotional. Damn it, you loved this man too much. “Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But, Steve… I love you… in a really, really big, “pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window”… unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

Steve was staring at you lovingly. He moved to touch you, but you pulled away.

“I’ll be at Happy’s tonight,” you continued. “So if you decide to sign the papers, meet me there.”

Then you walked out. Steve, distressed now, sighed. What was he going to do?

~~~

“Do you think he’ll show?” You asked, doing a tequila shot.

“He’ll show,” Happy said.

The door opened. You turned to the door hopefully, but it’s just Tony walking in. He came over, took off his suit coat and sat next to you at the bar.

“I got your message,” Tony said, motioning for Happy to get him a drink. “You gave him a choice, brave.” He nodded. “But he’s not stupid, though love does make you stupid sometimes. He’ll chose you.” Happy handed him a drink. “Thank you.” 

“Are you sure?” You questioned. “I… I literally told him that I loved him. I’ve… I’ve never done that before.”

“He loves you too. He’s just an idiot.”

~~~

Steve was sitting in a doctor’s lounge at the hospital, fidgeting with a pen. The divorce papers were in a manila envelope on the table in front of him. Gamora entered the room, dressed up.

“How’s your patient?” Gamora asked as she put some things away. “The one who got her soul back?”

“She’s gonna be fine,” Steve responded. He looked up at took Gamora in. “Look at you. I’ve never seen you dressed up.”

“Yeah, well, I’m suppose to have a date tonight.”

“Yeah? Anyone I know?”

“Like I’d tell you.” Gamora noticed the pen in Steve’s hand and the envelope on the table. “You haven’t signed those divorce papers yet, have you?” 

Steve shook his head. “Gamora.” He looked at her, pleading. “Tell me what to do.”

“Not a chance.”

“Why does this have to be so hard?”

“It’s not hard. It’s painful, but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be in this much pain.”

“I guess you’re right.” Steve sighed. “I shouldn’t keep you. Good luck on your date.”

~~~

Natasha found Bruce in the stairwell, as he went to find an on-call room.

“Hey,” Natasha stopped him, “I… So…” She sighed. “Here’s where we are. I work too much. I’m competitive. I’m always right. And I snore.” 

Bruce looked at her confused. “What?”

“I’m trying here.”

Still looking confused, Bruce took a moment to think it out. “Oh! Ohhhh…”

“Yeah.” 

“So?”

“Okay. We’re a couple. Whatever. DOn’t make a big deal about it.” 

She began walking away. Natasha quickly paused though and turned around. She hurried to Bruce, kissed him, and hurried down the stairs.

~~~

Peggy found Steve in the doctor’s lounge.

“There you are,” she said. “I’ve been looking, well, everywhere for you.”

“Well, you found me,” Steve responded.

“So?” She glanced down at the envelope. “Are you going to sign those divorce papers or not?”

~~~

You were still waiting at the bar. Tony was there, but so was Pepper. So as he flirted with her, he kept an eye on you. Val, Clint, and Scott had joined you.

“He’s not going to come,” you sighed. “You all don’t think he’s coming.”

“He might come,” Val said.

“Yeah, you never know,” Scott agreed.

“He’s definitely coming,” Clint said. Val quickly kicked him from under the bar. “Ow. What? Do you want her doing tequila shots all night? I’ll be the one cleaning up the vomit. Besides, I feel good. I touched a heart today.”

The bell on the door went off again. They all turned to look, but it wasn’t Steve. You sighed and turned back to Happy.

“Pour me another one.”

next chapter >

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

LOVE AND MEDICINE TAG LIST

@fyreball66 (won’t link)

@alwaysnervousturtles​

@anxiousgoldengirl​

@lahoete​

@hersilencedscreams​

@elenaxoxo22​

@marvelfan29 (won’t link)

@wanniiieeee​

@a-little-counter-esperanto​

@aikeia​

@coldmuffinbanditshoe​

@aubreeskailynn (won’t link)

@austynparksandpizza​

@fandom-life-12​

@illyrianprincess​

@osugahunnyicedtea​​

@taliarosej00​

@bellamy-barnes​

@hallecarey1​

@lmfaosoph​

[cloudybarnes]

Stages

Pairing: steve rogers x reader

Summary: ultron was harder to defeat than the avengers thought, and y/n paid the price. after the events of her death, steve has a hard time dealing with the loss of his lover

Word Count: 4k+

Warnings: angst, bad language, death of y/n, steve going through the five stages of grief, mentions of religion, small panic attack, depression

A/N: I’m really happy with how this turned out so I hope everyone likes it as much as I do :))

Masterlist

✰  ✰  ✰

“Stark, you worry about getting the city back down safely,” Steve said, “the rest of us only have one job: tear theses things apart.”

Steve looked around the falling city. Ultron had been able to win thus far. He was stronger and more intelligent than any of the avengers could have predicted. 

Civilians ran for their lives, androids flew around like they owned the place, and his friends were doing all they could to stop Ultron and his army.

“If you get hurt, hurt them back.” He continued, “if you die... walk it off.”

If only he knew what was to come.

Ultron’s army wasn’t getting any smaller, but that didn’t stop you from continuing the fight. 

Fighting was the only thing you could do. All you had was your hand-to-hand combat training to help. Androids would come at you, and you punched your way out. 

You grabbed the head of an android, and hoisted yourself around to rip it off, rending the robot useless. On the ground was debris, mainly rods of metal. Grabbing one, you were able to fight off a group of Ultron’s androids that got too close to you.

“Eat shit, robot.” You huffed as you kicked the last one near you.

Looking around to find people to help out, you saw your boyfriend in the center of a group of robots.

He fought well. With his shield, he was able to break the androids in half, but there were too many coming at him at once.

You rushed over to help him. “Incoming!” You shouted as you jumped on top of one of the androids and ripped its head off.

As it fell to the ground, you used your metal rob to plunge into the robots’ chests and rip them apart. Steve did the same with his shield, ramming it into the androids to destroy them.

Once there were no more surrounding you and Steve, you looked him over. You stepped closer to him and brushed your fingers along his face. “You alright, baby?”

There were no major wounds as far as you could tell, only a bruised eye and a busted lip. 

Steve nodded and gently smiled, “I’m okay, sweetheart.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Come on, we’ve got a city to save.”

Unbeknownst to you at the time, that was the last conversation you and your boyfriend would share.

As you fought more androids, you noticed something in the air. Some sort of airship was flying, shooting at you and the avengers. You went to run for cover when you passed Steve.

“(Y/N)!” He shouted. Steve held his shield over top of himself, blocking the bullets from piercing into him. 

You started to run to him when you noticed something. The airship was flying closer to Clint who held a young boy in his arms. 

The airship was coming so fast, Clint couldn’t get out of the way quick enough. 

You looked back to Steve who started running towards you, ready to pull you under his shield. 

With sad eyes, you turned away from him, straight towards Clint into the oncoming bullets. Without stopping to second-guess your decision, you ran full speed to Clint to push him behind a fallen car.

You barely felt the piercing of the bullets with your high adrenaline. What you did feel, was sorrow. 

When Clint had turned around and realized what happened, his eyes started watering. “(Y/N),” he whispered, “why?”

“I’m sorry,” you choked you as you dropped to your knees. “Please, tell Steve...” You couldn’t hold yourself up any longer. Your body gave out from underneath you. As you fell to the ground, the last thing you heard was a cry from your boyfriend. 

You never even got to tell Steve you loved him.

Stage One: Denial 

Steve felt a heavy weight on his chest as he watched you fall to the ground. “No!” Steve shouted as he abandoned his shield and ran over to you. 

In his frenzy, Steve stumbled over his feet trying to get to you. 

Once he finally did, he fell to the ground with a gasp. He looked over your body frantically. There were puncture wounds all over you. Dirt covered your face, and blood slowly seeped through your clothes. Steve gently pulled you into his chest. 

“(Y/N), baby, please stay with me, sweetheart.” Steve cried. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. Clint! Call someone to help her, please. We need to get her a medic as soon as possible.”

Clint’s eyes drooped. He found himself unable to say anything to Steve.

When Clint didn’t do anything, Cap’s head whipped up, giving Clint a good look at how red and puffy his eyes had already become.

“Please,” Steve croaked, “please help her.”

Clint’s lip wobbled, “Steve, there’s nothing we can do to save her. (Y/N),” he sighed, trying to compose himself, “(Y/N) was a hero. She saved my life and the life of this young boy.”

Steve let out a sob, “No, no she’s not dead! She’s not dead, Barton. We just need to get her some medical attention, they’ll be able to help her. I know they will.”

Clint tried to place his hand on Steve’s shoulder, but Cap just shrugged it off. “Stop! Stop acting like she’s dead, Barton. She-she can make it. She’s strong, I know she can get through this.” 

Steve continued holding you, sobbing as he rocked you. 

“I’m sorry, Steve. She saved my life, and now she’s gone.” 

Steve was barely listening. He didn’t want anyone to tell him what he knew deep down. He wouldn’t let himself believe you were dead; not now, not ever. There were so many things he still wanted to do with you.

There was a whole future he had planned with you. There were so many things he wanted to tell you but never got the chance. He wouldn’t let himself believe he’d lost the love of his life before she ever knew that’s what she was. 

“Steve, please. We need you.” Clint begged, “We can’t give her a proper goodbye if the world is destroyed.”

Steve clenched his eyes shut, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay. Clint was right. You would be in even worse shape if the world was destroyed. Once they fixed everything, Steve could find you the help you needed. Maybe someone could save you if he worked fast enough.

Steve gently placed you down onto the ground, and stood up. He looked at Clint with a hard gaze, “Okay, let’s finish this.”

Stage Two: Anger

“No, Tony, you don’t get it! None of you could possibly understand what I’m going through.” Steve shouted. 

It had been only a few days since your death. Steve had let himself understand that you were gone, and all he could think about was how it was his fault. 

Maybe if he had gotten to you sooner, or maybe if he was the one to save Clint and that young boy, you would have still been alive. 

Steve felt so helpless, it angered him. 

Tony sighed, “Steve, we’re in the same boat as you. We’re mourning her just like you are! You don’t get to act like we don’t understand when we’re just as upset as you are!” 

Steve fumed, “No. You’re not as upset as I am. You don’t even feel half of what I’m feeling! You aren’t in love with her, Tony! You still have the woman you love. I lost mine, so no, you have no idea what I’m feeling right now.”

“But I can imagine what it would be like if-”

“That’s just it!” Steve sarcastically laughed. “You can imagine Pepper dying, whereas I watched my girlfriend die. You didn’t see your girlfriend taking her last breath. You weren’t even around (Y/N) when she died! I could have saved her, and I didn’t.”

Clint stepped closer, “but I was there, Steve. I could have done something to help, but I didn’t. She died to save me. It’s not your fault.”

“Well that’s what it feels like! She’s my girlfriend. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect her, and I failed.” Steve huffed. He slouched into an armchair, and held his face in his hands. 

Nat gently walked up to Steve, and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Steve, why don’t you take off for a little while. You can clear your head and try to forget about all of this.”

That made Steve’s head whip up. He glared at Nat. “Forget about this? You mean forget about (Y/N)?” He scoffed and abruptly stood up, pushing Nat’s hand off of him. 

“Sorry you guys don’t like seeing me grieve my dead girlfriend. I’m so sorry it’s such an inconvenience to you that you want me to leave!” Steve growled, punching a dent into the wall.

“Steve, you need to calm down.” Tony instructed, “we’re not trying to get you to forget about her. None of us want to forget her. All we want is for you to start healing.”

Steve half scoffed, half laughed. “It’s been, what, four days? It’s been four fucking days and you guys already want me to move on. I can’t fucking believe this.”

Steve angrily paced around the compound, trying to wrap his head around what was going on. 

Thor gently spoke up. “We don’t want you to move on. We want what’s best for you.”

Steve scoffed at this, but Thor paid no mind as he continued speaking. “What I’m saying is we want you to heal, like Tony said. We don’t like seeing you self destruct like this.”

Nat nodded, “we’re aware it’s only been a few days, Steve. You’ve just been so angry lately, and we’re worried. We’ve never seen you like this.”

Steve threw his hands up, “I don’t know what you want me to do! You think I like feeling like this? You think I like the fact that my girl is gone? You think I like the fact that the only thing I feel anymore is anger? I should have done something!”

“You couldn’t have saved her!” Clint shouted. His eyes were starting to tear up. Clint was always close with you, and he had tried to keep it together since he didn’t want to hurt Steve, but enough was enough. 

Clint sighed, “there was no way you could have saved her, Steve. You were too far away, she was too fast, Ultron was aiming at her, she risked her life for mine; there are so many things that contributed to her death. It seemed inevitable! It was not your fault, and there was nothing you could have done to save her.”

Steve huffed. His chest rose and fell with each deep intake of breath. His eyes darted across Clint’s face, searching for something. For what, he wasn’t sure. Guilt? Sincerity? Strength? Who knows. 

All Steve knows is the heavy weight on his chest. He knows his guilt, his anger, and his resentment. It seems like there’s nothing else for him.

Stage Three: Bargaining

Steve cried today. It had been two weeks since you died. The Avengers were going to give you a proper funeral the next day, and Steve wasn’t ready. 

He wasn’t ready to let go of you.

If only he could have done something. He only he had done something. Steve wishes for nothing more than this to be one sick joke. He can’t live the rest of his life without you. He would rather die than live a life without you in it.

Steve was never a religious man, but he found himself praying to a god he wasn’t even sure he believed in. “Please,” he sniffled, “please, bring her back to me. I can’t-I can’t live my life without her beside me.”

Steve started to cry harder, his pleads desperate. “I’ll do anything! I’ll give up being an Avenger, I’ll give up my home, my friends, the life I know if I could just have (Y/N) back with me. I’d give up my life if it meant she could continue to live hers.”

Steve broke down onto the ground. His body shook with each sob. In his left hand was a framed photo of the two of you from when you first got together. In his right arm, Steve clung to your favorite sweater. Somehow it still smelled of you, and Steve needed that to bring himself some comfort. 

“Please!” He bawled. His harsh cries took control of him. Steve couldn’t do much more than to try to keep breathing. He didn’t feel anything other than the pounding of his head and the ache in his chest. 

He desperately tried to suck in some air between his sobs, but it was hard. He just wanted you back, but he had no other options. 

Steve had heard of a woman that could turn back time. She called herself the ancient one. Steve had tried his best to get her to bring you back, but she wouldn’t budge. She told him that this is what the universe wanted. She said it was (Y/N)’s time to go, and that there was nothing she could do.

Bullshit.

Steve was desperate but hopeless. He knew it was the end of the line, and he had nothing left. He had already offered up everything he could think to give up, but there was no getting you back. 

Steve sniffled, calming himself down enough to speak. “I-I know she’ll never come back, but please, at least help me. I can’t-I can’t live like this anymore.” 

He started to hysterically cry again. “I can’t keep feeling this way. It hurts so much. Please, someone help me! Someone please take away my pain. I’m begging you.” Steve started to hiccup he was so worked up. 

Even though he didn’t realize it at the time, this was the beginning of the end. Steve knows she will never come back, and that’s officially the start of his healing process.

Stage Four: Depression

Steve was barely functioning.

He didn’t hear from his friends, he never left his house, he lost his appetite, and he could never stop crying. 

He was sluggish, sad, and hopeless. 

(Y/N)’s funeral was his breaking point. After they put her in the ground and said they’re goodbyes, he was done for. He cried so much that night, his throat screamed at him the next morning. He barely slept that night; he was too busy crying. 

Steve has been holed up in his house for months. Natasha and Clint had called him so often, he threw his phone away. He couldn’t bear to let anyone see him like this. 

He didn’t want to see anyone. The thought of seeing his friends, your friends, broke his heart. Not only were they reminders that you were gone, but they had people to go back to.

Clint had his wife and children, Natasha and Bruce had each other, Tony had Pepper, Thor had his family, and Steve was left with no one. 

He didn’t have the one person that was supposed to be there for him. He was trying so hard to feel better, but it was tough. Every time Steve thought he was going to pick himself up, he ended up falling right back into his cycle. 

If Steve was able to go a few hours without crying or he was able to take care of himself, he felt immense guilt. He thought he deserved to feel this way. 

He couldn’t bring himself to live a happy life when you don’t get one at all. While he wants to be able to be happy again and not feel as horrible as he’s been, he doesn’t want you to think he stopped loving you. He think if he doesn’t cry for you anymore, you’ll think he gave up on you. The thought of you thinking he doesn’t love you makes him hurt even more. 

Every time he takes a step forward, he falls two steps back. 

That is, until one day, Natasha showed up knocking at his door.

“Steve? I know you’re in there. I brought you some Chinese food. I was hoping to talk. We’re all really worried about you.” She called through the door. 

Steve sat wrapped up in his living room. He’s really only been in that room and the bathroom since you died. He could never bring himself to go into his room, not when it still had your overnight bag from the last time you two spent the night together. 

Steve had your favorite blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He liked to hold onto the things you frequented. 

On shaky legs, Steve stood from his spot on the floor. He knew he should have been embarrassed about the huge mess of his house, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Unlocking the door, Steve hesitantly opened it revealing a sad-eyed Nat. 

“Hey,” Steve croaked. His voice was hoarse and dry from crying so much. 

Nat sadly smiled at him, “Hey, Steve. I was thinking we could have dinner? Maybe talk for a bit. We’ve all missed you these past months.”

Steve took in a shaky breath, “uh, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea, Nat. I appreciate you coming by, but I’m not even that hungry.”

Steve’s eyes started to water, but he willed himself not to cry in front of Nat.

She sighed, and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Please, Steve, you need to eat something. If you don’t want me to bother you, I won’t. Just let me be here for you.”

Steve sniffled, and nodded his head. He slowly moved aside so she could walk in. Nat flicked the light switch on, and tried not to gasp at what she saw. Food wrappers littered the ground, blankets and pillows filled the floor like he’d been sleeping there, and crumpled up tissues lied everywhere. 

“I-I’m sorry about the mess. I haven’t really...” Steve trailed off, not too sure what to say.

Nat just nodded her head, “I understand. Why don’t we eat in the kitchen, how’s that sound?”

Steve nodded his head, and trailed behind Natasha as she led him to the kitchen. 

While it wasn’t clean by any means, the kitchen was more tidy than the living room. Natasha placed the bag of food on the counter and sat down. Steve slowly climbed into the seat across from her.

“I got dumplings for you, I know they’re your favorite.” She gently said as she passed the container to Steve.

He nodded his head, “thanks, Nat,” he softly said.

As the two of them ate, the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought it’d be. Steve felt good being in the presence of a friend. He had expected to feel even more sad with them around since they were friends with (Y/N) as well, but it did quite the opposite. 

It was nice to have someone there for him. It was nice to have someone to talk to again.

“Nat,” Steve sighed, “I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve been lately. I shut you guys out and I’m sorry.”

Nat shook her head, “Don’t apologize, Steve, we don’t blame you. It was a hard time for everyone, but you the most. We just want to be there for you when you’re ready to get back on your feet.” 

Steve shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Well, I’ve been trying to pick myself up on my own, but it’s hard. Every time I think I’m doing better, I think about her and how I’m still here and she isn’t and I just fall back into my funk.”

He raised his glossy eyes to look at her, “I need help, Natasha. I don’t think I can do this alone anymore.” His voice cracked lightly as he confessed his failure.

Nat took in a shaky breath, trying to keep her composure for him. “I’ll help you Steve, all of us will.”

Steve released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, “thank you, Nat. I don’t even know where to start to get myself back to who I was.”

“Why don’t we start off simple. Finish eating, and when you’re done go take a shower. I’ll pick up around here so you have a clean area to come back to.” She offered with a gentle smile.

“Okay. Thank you, Nat, really. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t show up today.” Steve confessed.

Natasha placed her hand over top of his, gently rubbing his knuckles. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll get through this. Together.”

Stage Five: Acceptance

A year after (Y/N)’s death, Steve felt good. 

He still mourns (Y/N), he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop thinking about her, but it doesn’t haunt him like it used to. 

The weight on Steve’s chest is no longer heavy. He feels a new sense of light and happiness.

Steve has learned to embrace what is his present. No longer does he look to the past trying to find ways to change it. He isn’t desperate for the answers that nobody has. While he still is sad over the loss of his loved one, his crying doesn’t keep him up at night like it did in the past. 

Steve, by no means, thinks he’s at the best place he can be. He still has his moments where he has flashbacks of that day in Sokovia. When he sees something that meant a lot to (Y/N), he’ll still break down and cry. 

That’s part of the process.

Acceptance is not getting over the death of your loved one. Acceptance is knowing that there was nothing you could have done. It’s seeing your days as ways to move forward. It’s embracing your bad days, and not letting them define your future. It’s reflecting on the good times you shared, while still being willing to make memories elsewhere.

Steve was able to pick his life back up. He came back to the Avengers and was welcomed with open arms. He’s worked with them enough to the point where he’s ready to go back into the field.

Steve kept building his relationships with his friends. He made sure to not shut them out when he was having a bad day, and he was able to understand that they were only trying their best. While they didn’t know the full extent of what he had been through and what he felt, he knew they cared about him.

Steve was able to regain his hope. He has hope for his future, one he thought would be bleak and unbearable without you, would hopefully turn out well. Steve hopes to get to a place where he is truly happy, but he knows it will take some time. 

In the process of accepting a loved one has died, people often take up new things. Steve started to get into cooking as a way to connect with you. You were always the one to cook for him, it was something you did when you were stressed as well as something you did for fun.

He learned to make your favorite dishes, and tried out some of your recipes. It made him feel closer to you. It was a healthier way for him to keep you in his mind. 

Steve also had a new pattern. Every two weeks him, and whoever was up for it, went to your grave. They gave you flowers and cleaned your spot up really nice. Usually it was just him, Nat, and Clint, but occasionally Tony and Bruce came. Thor only came if he was already on Earth.

Still, it was nice for Steve to have his friends with him. He appreciated them so much. Through every rocky path they’ve been through, it’s nice to know that they’re always going to be there for him. He couldn’t ask for better friends than the ones he has. 

Nat, especially, was such a great friend to him in these times. He thinks one day, maybe they could be something more. Steve wants to be able to give her his all before he asks her out. Some nights he still wishes you were laying next to him, but he thinks in time he’ll be ready to date again. 

While he’s come a long way, Steve still has more to accomplish. He knows this, and he’s ready to take things one day at a time until he gets to a point in his life where things are easy. 

No matter how much Steve goes through or how much he changes, he knows one thing for sure: you will always be in his heart, just like he always planned. 

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Avengers (Part Two)

Apparently I had so much to comment on this crappy book that I had to break this up into two parts (you can read part one here). No, I have nothing to say for myself. Lol

Let’s continue.

Clint Barton and Loki’s hand-picked strike team were in a stolen Quinjet with a faked S.H.I.E.L.D. call sign, 26-Bravo. That got them close enough that by the time the air-traffic officer on the Helicarrier knew something was wrong, it was already too late.

Whoa whoa whoa. I thought you said Loki didn’t care about the details. I thought you said such things were beneath him. Make up your mind.

With a last heave and twist, she freed herself from the fallen beam and ran. At that moment, the Hulk turned and saw her. She vaulted up a stairway and onto the next level. The Hulk swiped at the stairway and shredded it into scrap metal. Loki had gotten what he wanted. He must have been trying to time it so he could manipulate Bruce into becoming the Hulk right as his soldiers came to attack the Helicarrier. The Hulk would do at least as much damage from the inside as the rogue Quinjet could do from the outside.

Yes. Yes, he did. Lol

Natasha kept running, and the Hulk came right behind her. For a moment, she thought she’d lost him, but then he came at her out of the shadows, roaring. He was like walking rage, a single-minded engine of destruction. She shot a hole in the pipe over his head. Steam shot out of it into the Hulk’s eyes, stopping him for just the moment she needed to get a head start. She ran as fast as she could, but she knew she wasn’t going to stay away from him for long. He came after her, smashing through bulkheads and doorways like they weren’t even there and roaring the whole time.

Mood, though.

Steve got to the edge of the turbine mount about the same time as Tony. “I’m here!” he called out.

“Good,” Tony said, dropping into view and hovering in the Iron Man armor to survey the wreckage. He had the suit on, and Steve could hear his voice through the earbud microphone all S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel wore. At least that channel was still intact; if they lost communications, they’d be done for.

Convenient. Clint would absolutely know this, which means either 1) he's incompetent, 2) he's not as mind-controlled as we think, or 3) Loki allowed/arranged for his own team's semi-failure.Take your pick.

“What’s it look like in there?” Tony asked.

“It seems to run on some form of electricity,” Steve said.

Tony was shoving loose huge pieces of debris that prevented the turbine blades from rotating. “Well, you’re not wrong,” he said.

Steve fumed. He wasn’t here for technical support. But that was all he could do at the moment.

Ironic for Steve to call out Tony for being useless without his suit when Steve is apparently useless at anything other than beating people up. Lol

Tony stood inside the turbine housing, looking at the blades. He’d cleared most of the debris jamming the rotors. “Even if I clear the rotors,” he said, “this thing won’t reengage without a jump. I’m going to have to get in there and push.”

“If that thing gets up to speed, you’ll get shredded,” Steve said.

Hey hey hey now, I thought Tony wasn't the type of guy to sacrifice himself??

The Hulk stomped around the flight deck, roaring. He saw Thor and swung a fist twice the size of Thor’s head. Thor caught it in both hands, straining to hold both the Hulk’s arm and his attention. “We are not your enemies, Banner,” he grunted. “Try to think!”

Now, where have I heard that before...?

In answer, the Hulk punched him through the wall.

Jealous.

Thor got up and watched the Hulk coming after him. Now this was a fight! He held out a hand, waiting for Mjolnir to return to him. Mjolnir smashed through another wall and reached Thor’s hand just as the charging Hulk came within striking distance.

What's a little bloodlust between friends, amirite?

The Hulk caught the hammer, and a fierce grin spread over his face… then he toppled backward and Mjolnir pinned him to the floor of the hangar.

None but I can lift Mjolnir, Thor thought. Not even this giant.

Yes, yes. You're very special, Thor. We're all super impressed, promise.

“You like this?” Coulson asked, meaning the gun. “We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don’t know what it does.” He powered it up, and rings along its barrel glowed bright orange. “Want to find out?”

But Loki wasn’t there in front of him. Thor saw it too late to do anything. That Loki was an illusion… and the real Loki was behind Coulson.

Lokiception.

“You lack conviction,” Coulson said. He did not move from where he sat against the wall. Blood trickled at the corner of his mouth, and the enormous gun lay uselessly across his lap.

Of all the things Coulson might have said, this was perhaps the one Loki expected least. I have moved worlds out of conviction, he thought. Made bargains with beings who snuff out planets as an afterthought. “I don’t think I…”

"bargains"

“Tasha,” he said. “How many agents did I—?”

“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t do that to yourself, Clint. This is Loki. This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for.” Better than maybe anyone on the Helicarrier, Natasha Romanoff knew you couldn’t blame yourself for things you did while you were brainwashed. All you could do was try to heal and get things right the next time.

OH? DO TELL.

“Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I’ll give you that one,” Tony said. “But let’s do a head count here. Your brother the demigod, a Super-Soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend, a man with breathtaking anger-management issues, a couple of master assassins… and you, big fella, you’ve managed to piss off every single one of them.”

“That was the plan,” Loki said with a grin.

“Not a great plan,” Tony said.

YOU'RE RIGHT, TONY. IT'S AN OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE PLAN. NOW ASK YOURSELF WHY HE WOULD DO THAT ON PURPOSE.

“You’re missing the point!” he said, and his tone got sharper. “There’s no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us… but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be sure we’ll avenge it.”

Weeeeeell...

With those last words, he tapped Tony on the chest with his scepter, just has he had Hawkeye and Dr. Selvig. Nothing happened. The Arc Reactor in Tony’s chest countered the scepter’s effect.

Loki tried it again. “This usually works.…”

“Well,” Tony said, “best-laid plans. You know the saying.”

Uncomfortable with mild swear words and dick jokes, I see. Lol

Look at this!” Thor shouted, holding Loki and forcing him to gaze out over the destruction in the city. “You think this madness will end with your rule?”

“It’s too late,” Loki said. Thor thought he was beginning to understand what he had done. “It’s too late to stop it.”

“No,” Thor said. “We can. Together.”

Loki looked him in the eye… and then betrayed Thor again, stabbing him in the side with a knife hidden in his sleeve. Thor dropped to the ground, clutching the wound. “Sentiment,” Loki said mockingly.

OH MY GOD. HE'S MOCKING HIMSELF, YOU ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD. I swear to god, this author sat down and went, "Hmm. How can I systematically erase any and all complexity this character possesses so he's as generic a villain as possible?"

CASE IN POINT:

On a bridge, Cap huddled behind a destroyed car with the Black Widow and Hawkeye. “Lots of civilians trapped up there,” Hawkeye said, indicating the nearby buildings. A flight of Chitauri went over, and Cap noticed something different about one of them.

“Loki,” he said. He was shooting at the civilians fleeing through the streets. “They’re fish in a barrel down there.”

It can be admittedly hard to tell because most shots of the Chitauri vehicles firing on people are from too far away to tell who's piloting... but I checked the clips from the Battle of NY and the only person Loki can definitively be seen firing at is Natasha. On another Chitauri whatever-you-call-them. Not even aiming for the street.

Thor was still watching the Chitauri zipping overhead. “I have unfinished business with Loki.”

“Yeah?” Hawkeye said. “Get in line.”

“Save it,” Steve said. “Loki’s going to keep this fight focused on us, and that’s what we need. Otherwise those things could run wild. We’ve got Stark up on top—”

Almost as if... according to plan...

Look, I have historically not bought into the full "Loki formed the Avengers so he could lose on purpose" theory because I feel that it contradicts the canon explanation that he was being influenced by the sceptre. But... you'd have to be an absolute moron to think he wasn't sabotaging himself, whether accidentally or on purpose. I suppose one could argue that just because it was amplifying his negative emotions, that doesn't necessarily mean it prevented him from working against his "allies". But if it wasn't affecting his actions at all, I don't know why they'd bother to confirm the theory as canon.

Also, like... according to this book, Loki is somehow targeting civilians and not targeting civilians at the same time ?? lmao

“Dr. Banner,” Steve said. “Now might be a really good time for you to get angry.”

Bruce was already walking toward the Leviathan. “That’s my secret, Captain,” he said over his shoulder. “I’m always angry.”

Same, tbh.

Thor reached the top of the Empire State Building and lifted Mjolnir. Storm clouds gathered and lightning struck down, hundreds of bolts reaching for Mjolnir. Thor turned the Empire State Building’s iconic spire into a lightning rod, gathering the force of the elements into it. Then he thrust Mjolnir in the direction of the portal. All the energy he had built up blazed out in a single forking bolt. It struck and destroyed every single Chitauri between the Empire State Building and the portal itself. Hundreds of them exploded and tumbled from the sky at once, including several of the Leviathans that tumbled down to smash into buildings below.

...so why didn't Thor just keep doing this for the rest of the battle? Too draining, or not exciting enough? Lol

Satisfied, Thor nodded and glanced over at the Hulk. Perhaps the scales were evened from their last fight against each other on the Helicarrier—

The Hulk shot out his left fist and smashed Thor all the way across the block-long gallery. Then it was his turn to look satisfied.

Jealous. Again.

Maybe that was just Loki, but Steve was starting to feel like the Chitauri were going to absorb every punch the Avengers could throw. They had to close that portal, or nothing was going to stop the invasion.

Well then. It sure is fortunate that Loki allowed Selvig to install a failsafe, huh?

Fury stood and listened to the World Security Council explain that they had decided to take the operation out of his hands. They were going to use a nuclear missile to destroy the Tesseract and close the portal—but at the cost of untold civilian lives. Fury protested as strongly as he could and one of the councilors cut him off. “Director Fury. The Council has made a decision.”

These crazy motherfuckers would have killed so many more people than Loki it's not even funny.

...and tbh, it probably wouldn't even have destroyed the Tesseract, so they would have killed them for literally no reason too.

The Hulk paused, confused.

“You are, all of you, beneath me!” Loki raged.

Not yet, sir, but I would very much like to be. 😏

She knelt next to him and said, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know what you were doing.”

Selvig digested this for a moment and then said, “Actually I think I did. I built in a safety to cut the power source.”

Of note and as alluded to previously:

1) The mind control over Barton and Selvig was not absolute either; therefore, if they are not responsible for their actions over the course of this movie, Loki is not responsible for his either.

2) If The Other could hear everything Loki was up to, it's very likely that Loki could hear everything Barton and Selvig were up to as well. Meaning that, at a minimum, he knew about the failsafe and did nothing about it.

The missile had a lot of momentum built up, and Tony’s Mark 7 suit was not operating at full capacity after the amount of energy he’d expended in the battle already. It was no easy task to get the missile angled up sharply enough to clear the tallest buildings in Midtown—especially Stark Tower. That was where the missile seemed to want to go. So, Tony thought, the World Security Council is jealous of me, too.

Look, I get that he's mostly just being witty, but seriously... this dude is out here accusing Loki of being an egomaniac? Lol

He got underneath the missile and angled it upward, straining against its stabilizers, which tried to keep it on course. But slowly he forced it up, and once he got its warhead pointed at an angle, pushing it into a steeper climb got easier. A little.

Steve Rogers’s voice broke his concentration. “Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip?”

So... you're admitting you were wrong, then? 🙃

The Avengers looked up. On the roof of Stark Tower, Natasha said, “Come on, Stark.”

They saw the explosion through the portal, brilliant as a new sun. There was no way Tony could have survived that.

I was wrong about him, Steve thought. When the time came, he did make the sacrificial play.

Thanks, Steve. That's really all I wanted.

Loki had just gotten himself put back together enough to get out of the hole in the floor. Painfully he dragged himself toward the door. Never had a mortal damaged him as much as that green monster. He would be healing for a long time.

He's literally in better shape now than when he came through the portal. And the author made zero mention of his health there.

But heal he would, and then he would have his revenge. Even though the portal had collapsed and he had lost the Tesseract. Even though his Chitauri army was destroyed. Loki would show the so-called Avengers they never should have opposed him.

Raise your hand if you watched Avengers and thought Loki was thinking about revenge right after getting Hulk-smashed. Why aren't any of you raising your hands??

Seriously, there are two emotions I felt from Loki at the end of Avengers Assemble: relief and anxiety. I have no idea why Alex Irvine is so intent on turning him into a boring, one-dimensional villain, but it made this book absolutely insufferable to read.

Anyway, that's it! I hope you all found this as entertaining and cathartic as I did. Lol

↩️ Back to Part One