#Trying to fix things doesn't erase those said things

[theographos]

They all became what everyone said they couldn't be. All except Toby that is...

Once again i'm sharing my Trollhunter propaganda onto my loved ones, and by that I mean trapping them in the same room as me and forcing them to watch the show. (with consent) And this time, it's my bestie who has to go through that. And as I rewatch the show, I think about what I see and compare it to the rest of the franchise.

Jim, despite everyone and himself telling him he couldn't, became the Trollhunter in his very own way.

Claire, despite Morgana saying otherwise, became the new owner of the Shadowstaff in her very own way.

Blinky, despite Vendell and overall the whole Troll market telling him otherwise, became the mentor of a brilliant Trollhunter in his very own way.

AAARRRGGHH!!!, despite the Gumms Gumms and Queen Ursuna saying otherwise, became a fighter for the right cause and left his role as Gunmar's spawn for good. Or in other words, he learned how to be a fighter in his very own way

Toby, despite the plot telling him otherwise, became a hero fitting the common standards of heroism in medias and a hero fitting the Tales of Arcadia's standards.

But wait... Toby's character development doesn't really make sense with the rest of the main characters now, does it ?

No it has nothing to do with the fact that Toby is a "fleshbag"

So I already discussed on how the screenwriters could have given a more interesting role for Toby in another post, but I didn't deeply explained why in terms of storytelling.

First and foremost, no I do not think that Tobias would have been better if he wasn't a human, this post is more because I believe that Aliens and Toby lack "plot important" features (except for the movie) (waiting a whole franchise to give that kind of feature to a character or an important specie in your story isn't something we should acclaim). So I thought of ways to kill one bird with two stone, and give plot-interesting features to both the race and the character. Plus I think it's more interesting to think of solutions that fits the already established universe, and then think of solutions that fits my way of writing stories.

Second of all, yes the human bestfriend of a character can be wonderfully done, like in Teen Wolf for example. From the start we meet Scott McCall, the main character, and his bestfriend Stiles Stilinski. Throughout the whole show they are exposed to supernatural phenomenon, the entirety of the cast becomes linked to the supernatural world either by being hunters or by being a supernatural being. Everyone except Stiles.

And despite being human and a comic relief character, he is relevant to the plot. He is the "detective" of the group, he is always the one noticing strange things and finding a solution to the current threat they're dealing with. He is also incredibly funny, voluntarily or not, and the screenwriters take their sweet times showing how hard the plot is taking a toll on the characters through Stiles. Which means we see him having panic attacks, doubts, nightmares, etc.

And guess what ? He is the fan's favorite character ! In the last season, when Stiles's actor couldn't be more present due to an injury, it showed. You could feel the lack of Stiles in most the scenes, and the bestest parts were the scenes in which he appeared, also because they came up with an excuse to explain why Stiles isn't as much present as before.

But that excuse is so well done that when you see Stiles again, you're not only relieved to see him well, but also very interested because suddenly the plot drives forward so quickly. If you take away Stiles, the plot isn't going anywhere (because he was the one investigating most of the supernatural threats), and even the serie isn't that interesting anymore : it's less funny, less human and even.

Heck, the plot wouldn't even exist without Stiles ! In the beginning of the show Stiles takes the main character in the woods because they're looking for a dead body (dumb teenager idea)(his dad is the sheriff so it's not that weird). And in those woods, the main character ends up lost, gets bitten by a werewolf and the story starts.

So yes, a human bestfriend can be interesting in the story in an emotional point of view, he can be relevant to the plot and have an interesting dynamic within the main group.

Dreamworks isn't good with "bestfriend" characters

Trollhunters is in many ways similar to How to Train your Dragon. While Hiccup is trying to protect dragons following his own morals even if they differs from the rest of his village, Jim is trying to protect trolls following his own morals even if differs with the rules of Trollhunting. Of course both franchise have their own identity, and not everything is similar to the other. But they do share the fact that they're both animated by Dreamworks.

Yet I see one major problem that the HTTYD franchise had who's also present in ToA : The bestfriend character has nothing more than a "helping hand" kind of role. Astrid is interesting and has plot relevance, just like Claire, but they're more the love interest kind of person. Stoik, Valka and sometimes Gobber have plot relevance as Hiccup's parent figures and/or mentor, kind of like Blinky, Strickler and Barbara. I think I could compare AAARRRGGHH!!! with the dragons in some way. He has a link with the main bad guys of the show, just like the dragons (dragons and dragon hunters) he has that loveable side like the dragons and big fighting skills like them. (I'm not saying that AAARRRGGHH!!! is similar to an animal, i'm saying that his role plot-wise is similar in some ways to the role of the dragons in HTTYD)

But when we take a look at Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut and Fishlegs, even if they have distinctive character traits from one another and some sort of character development in some episodes of the shows, in terms of plot their role are basically "well the main character cannot do everything on his own, plus we need humor". Some episodes are based around them, just like for Toby, but no villains are directly linked to them, no plot points are directly linked to them. They're only in the plot because they are the friends of the one who's relevant to the story, whether it's the dragons, Hiccup or the rest of the Trollhunter team.

Toby, just like Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut and Fishlegs is a supporting character. Yes he has helped a lot but more because they needed a third hand more than because they needed his specific competences. And no Warhammer isn't what I can call a competence, since Jim's status as a trollhunter works with and without his weapon, and Claire's shadow magic has been awaken by the shadowstaff and even when it ends up being broken into pieces, she is still relevant without her weapon.

Warhammer was something that Toby wanted a lot, couldn't use, so they put a curse on it to kill two bird with one stone. The biggest competence that he had so far in Trollhunter was his dental problems. Without that, they wouldn't have meet Gladys the changeling or they wouldn't have found the Janus order. Because the rest of the time it's just luck. Luck isn't a competence, it's literally just luck.

In terms of a fighting team, Toby doesn't have a distinctive role.

Jim is the front fighter. He is the one that is going to go straight to the enemy.

Claire is the mage, even if she knows how to fight, her main feature in combat scenes is her magic.

AAARRRGGHH!!! is a tank. He is strong and big, and is able to take on bigger enemies and take a lot of damage upon him.

Blinky is a councellor, he might not be the best at fighting but he will be able to come up with a strategy based off his knowledge as an historian, and also serve as some sort of therapist and moral compass, giving back faith and the will to fight to his comrades.

I have a hard time understanding Toby's role is this team (combat-wise) other than "the helping hand". The moral compass is already occupied by Blinky, he is hardly a tank since AAARRRGGHH!!! can take upon the offensive and defensive aspects of that role. He cannot be the "troll-nerd" one who knows everything about troll culture since Claire and Blinky already take upon that role. The best I could come up with is either the one who deals with humans, even if when it happens it's always more or less accidental and he is not comfortable in those situations (or not good, like when they had to exchange the formula with Vendell's staff), or again a helping hand, a sort of plus one in case there are a lot of ennemies or everyone else has a task and that problem must be taken care of right now.

That's why I proposed that he could be a healer. Not a very good one, since that would just make the team invicible (most of the times their difficulty comes from injuries or being tired, if you have a character that can fully help those problems there is not a lot of hardships).

Truthfully I have a hard time thinking of an actual role he could have within the team. Because being the "plus one" is already the role of the Creepslayerz.

It has to fit with the serie's message

Like I said in the introduction a recurring theme for the main characters is that people around them do not believe they are fit to become what they're supposed to be or what they want to be. A some sort "against all odds they managed to become [insert role]" if you'd like.

As I have established before Tobias is more of a "helping hand" kind of role, and no one has ever kept Toby from being a helping hand other than him. (Meanwhile every other main characters in Trollhunters doubt themselves because of everyone telling them to do so.)

The only thing he has been kept from doing by other characters (especially the villain) is to be the hero. He is only a human with nothing else, he can help but he can't make a difference on his own. But if we continue to follow the story's theme, he would need to become a hero in his very own way. To claim that title and to use it in a way that is most definetly his, whether with his own competence or his own moral compass.

Toby doesn't have that, since he became trollhunter after Jim, after Jim proved that humans can be trollhunters. He would only be repeating Jim's story with some differences, but the struggles would be the exact same. Meanwhile Claire is having her very own difficulty because she has her very own role as a hero. Her struggles are similar, but not completely the same.

See, when I talked about alien!toby it was because it was easy to tell yourself that aliens might not recognize Toby as one of their own, which could create some sort of "you want to be like us but you'll never be, you're just a human/too bad at it". It's also easy to imagine Toby having trouble with that part of him, either physically or mentally. After all he always thought he was a human, learning that you're part alien is a whole pre-written identity crisis.

And yes even his sacrifice at the end of RotT doesn't really fit the story's themes. Yes Toby saved the world in his own way, but what I don't like about it is the fact that he is considered a hero because he sacrificed himself.

He is not a hero because of who he is, he is a hero because of what he has lost. This is a one time kind of heroism, because as you might guess you do not come back from the dead every so often. I am not saying that he shouldn't have sacrificed himself, i'm saying that every main character became a hero before trying to sacrifice themselves. You saw a big part of their competences before that, but like I said Toby doesn't have particular competences in the show.

It still fits the theme "don't think, become" of the show, but if we look on the plot from afar it means that Jim had to fight to become a hero, Claire had to fight to become a hero, same for AAARRRGGHH!!!, Blinky had to lead to become a hero and Toby had to die.

This is quite a horrible thought don't you think ? That the only way for one of the main character to be fully recognized as a hero in the plot is to die. It worked in some shows, especially for morally grey characters, but throughout this whole post I showed you how Toby had nothing meaningful given to him, and the only thing he always had was ripped from him.

This is not something carefully planned, it's just that they did not cared.

Nothing in the whole franchise justify the tragedy that is Tobias's character arc. Changelings became heroes, Gumm gumms can be heroes, humans too, except for Toby.

Toby is left with crumbs. No magical ancient weapon, just a warhammer that doesn't even have a story worth mentionning in the show. No cool and original duty, just the one that his bestfriend had and who decided to give it to him to make him happy. A big act of heroism, that only Jim will ever remember because this happened in another timeline.

His role as trollhunter, his warhammer, his role as "protector of arcadia" at the end of Trollhunters, even his dynamic in the group is merely a pat on the head in hopes that it will make him shut up and comply. And while some characters are beautiful tragedies, Tobias is not an intentional one. If it was one, you would have seen it coming. If it truly was meant to be a tragedy, the writers would have dropped signs, they would have portrayed it in a particular way.

Even if they lacked time in the later seasons of Trollhunters and Wizards, they had time in 3Below. They had 2 seasons to give anything to Toby, whether tragical or magical.

But they didn't, so nothing shows that they intentionally did it. I even think that they did realize what they had done at some point, and their only way to arrange things was to make him die so that he could finally be a hero.

A hero that only one character will ever remember in the show, because they couldn't even give him that glory, it had to be reaped away from him in one way or another. Because at the end of RotT, in terms of timeline, it never happened, or at least it didn't happen yet.

In conclusion to all of that, I will repeat what I have said a thousand times in this post : Toby wasn't done justice with this movie. He didn't have the ending he deserved, and his story arc in my opinion isn't really a story arc. It's more like him complying and shutting up about his situation because he was given something that looks shiny, but holds no real importance nor deep meaning (or some twisted meaning).

The writers did not want to include Toby in the plot for most of the franchise, and when they did it was in the only way they knew of : something that looks shiny and cool but is in reality just a way to shut everyone up and move on.

[lethby]

What's wrong with lesson 16 (everything)

A list by yours truly, who is about to collapse if she doesn't vent about it (TW: opinion lmao)

⍣ ೋ The time-travel shit

LITERALLY WHY

It creates so many problems and plot holes that could easily be avoided for no reason.

We leave everyone behind and it's never even addressed?? THEY'RE WAITING FOR US???

Barbatos, supposedly the one that cares about balance and timelines, just goes "well you're stuck here and I literally erased the other MC, good ending :D"

He told her "don't run into anyone" and she decides FIRST THING to head where all the noise is coming from, not trying to hide at all

⍣ ೋ No consequences whatsoever

It's awesome to know no one cared about MC dying

Sure, she's "alive" now, but everyone moved on so quickly??? Even Mammon, who was in the verge of a meltdown.

And it's all because we're Lilith's descendant how convenient

Even Belphie, our murderer who has hated humans for MILLENNIA, had a major switch up at this

Also, the brothers begin to completely disregard MC by treating her like Lilith

Look I understand, it's your dead sister and you miss her, BUT MC IS NOT HER. SHE IS HER OWN GODDAMN PERSON

But the worst part is... MC IS SO DAMN CHILL ABOUT IT

Even if she technically isn't the one who died, you'd expect some kind of uneasiness coming from her, SPECIALLY AROUND BELPHIE

Words can't express how much I hate it

⍣ ೋ Solution

I'm gonna make the devs a favor and fix their game

REVIVAL

MC JUST REVIVES FOR WHATEVER REASON (Lilith's will, the last remnants of her powers, Barbatos' precautions...)

Now you don't have to worry about too many plot holes, focusing on just one timeline

Also this allows her to remember her death, making her trauma more intense and veridical

I know it sounds crazy but if they could pull off lesson 16, they can pull this off

Make the brothers indecisive

They got their little brother back, but at what cost?

Everything is fine now, right? But it's not. MC is not "fine"

Make them conflicted between taking MC's side and comforting her but also welcoming Belphie and make up

MAKE MC UNCOMFORTABLE

I can't stress enough how important this part is

Give her TIME to evolve, develop as a character, and understand her feelings

She wouldn't want to be around Belphie, at all

She might not even wanna be around the others, seeing as they treat her like nothing happened

Make her upset, confused, feel like she doesn't belong, ANYTHING

MAKE HER GO THROUGH THE STAGES OF GRIEF

In fact, if you want to make her relationship with Belphie nourish, you can do that too by not just hey lol I killed you but I'm good now

Make her have nightmares

That's it

Make Belphie notice the dark circles under her eyes and the way she avoids him, then discover she has nightmares

The "now" Belphie could feel guilty

He might try to comfort her, only for her to shy away in response

Seeing as his apologies don't work this early into the trauma, he could enter her dreams and chase those nightmares away, every night, sacrificing his own sleep

THAT is a dynamic I want to see, personally

This could have been done with or without the time-travel, btw

In the time-travel, though, I was also missing some grieving from MC

Remember when I said to make the brothers conflicted? Make MC suffer more too

She wants to go back to her time, her universe, her family. They're waiting for her

But she also doesn't want to leave behind these demons, which have just found peace and happiness after a long time

Here's the catch, No matter what she chooses, she's forced to live her life regretting whatever decision she makes, since she can't make everyone happy and one side must suffer inevitably

An MC going through a heavy trauma and eventually (and slowly) overcoming it would just click with so many players

⍣ ೋ Conclusion

To me, the game didn't fully explore the feelings that going through that experience would bring for everyone, even if the idea itself was interesting. No, more like it didn't WANT to. Making MC go through all that would mean a lot of character development for a big amount of characters and little romance, which is what the game is about.

However, if you can't make that sacrifice, don't settle your game in a world rich in lore. And honestly, with all the explanations and back stories, I don't think obey me! is lacking on that. More so that, even if they were fully capable, they didn't want to go through all the trouble. Remember we're coming from an already fucked up scenario that took a lot of chapters.

Finally, this is just my opinion based on my experience. Of course, you don't have to agree with me in any way.

I have to say, that was relaxing lmaoo

Anyways, since I really like this idea and I've seen several people do it, I'm gonna make my own fanfic exploring how I think lesson 16 would have turned out realistically, hope you stay tuned!

Lethby ༊*·˚

[abysshare]

I feel like this needs to be said but i feel like I'll just be talking to a brick wall for the billionth time.

The ableism of disabled villains in fandom is so beyond tiring. Its bad enough when a grey or protag character gets it.

Today I'll be using Curly from Mouthwashing and William Afton from FNAF as an example.

Curly, isn't really a grey character. Maybe more of a protag, but since we play as Jimmy for most of it, he is kind of an antag. But for this post i will be putting him as a protag. Which reminder.

Protag doesn't mean good guy exactly.

Anyway.

Captain Curly is a burn survivor as well as a disabled man, with no skin, no hands or feet, and is left with one eye. The damage is pretty bad, and the Nurse ( Anya ) has done the best she could with what she had, which is pretty damn good considering all things.

How does the fandom treat him? Its a mixed bag but of course. Ableism.

They either give him "dog buttons", or infantalize him, coquette-ify him, erase the situation just because "its easier" or whatever else. And then theres some people who genuinely try by getting him to a proper hospital so Anya or another doctor can try and fix what they can, as well as give him an AAC device or a wheelchair, so on and so forth.

Its either shit as unfortunately expected or good enough that makes people genuinely do research or call out ableism.

Now lets look at William Afton. A villain, murderer, mad scientist and so forth. For this post I'll be strictly talking about The Fourth Closet William Afton and Burntrap.

For those who are not into FNAF. The Fourth Closet is a seperate timeline from the games, an AU. And Burntrap is TECHNICALLY not William now, but when Security Breach came out, we didn't know this.

A bit more backstory for those who do not know. William has an Animatronic suit that he can go into to perform or kill, but it has these things called springlocks. If something happens, they can go off and hurt and eventually kill him.

Moving on.

William Afton is a Springlock Victim ( and even though no fire happens in the book before the ending of The Fourth Closet, i would argue and say he does indeed have burn scars as well in the graphic novel ) aka ragged Metal throughout his skin.

As Burntrap, he is a metal burned skeleton with leftovers of Springtrap/Scraptrap with burnt flesh.

How does the fandom treat both versions of him?

As Burntrap: some people like him, some don't. Its purely because at the first reveal we all thought it was William himself somehow even though he is supposed to be dead-dead for real. His design CAN be cool, scary and great in the right spotlight.

However.....

Most people took the "haha peepaw" route of memes. Some being ageist and some being ableist. Making him a senile old man in a wheelchair or a walker with Vanny being his caretaker. Most of the time throwing him down the stairs or beating him with his mobility aid or threatening to. Sometimes they would also draw him in diapers with poop in it.

Utterly disgusting, ageist and ableist behavior all because this is a villain.

How do they treat TFC version of William? Well.... i don't see much of him to be frank. But either its coquette-ifying him ( which is just as gross as coquette-ifying Curly ), genuinely calling him pretty or being absolutely being ableist/rancid, or removing his scars all together.

What is the point I'm getting at?

If its a villain, like William, to Darth Vader to Hordak from the She Ra remake, to Belos from TOH.......

They get mocked for their disabilities because abled folks ( and even some disabled folks ) thinks the Villain or whoever deserves it as punishment.

But these same people will turn around and infantilize and baby, or dogify or coquetteify "good guy" disabled characters.

I haven't seen this in the Arcane fandom, while i don't doubt people have been ableist to Jinx, Silco or Viktor , at least it isn't as "loud".

Ableism isn't cute or funny. And while i UNDERSTAND these are characters- and that they are not real.

It HURTs real people.

And I'm talking as a disabled chronic pain person, so don't even start with me.

Ableists and shit will be deleted, ty.

[grapejuicebrat]

my worst

PAIRING: bbf!rafe cameron x reader

SUMMARY: the more you try to fix him, the more you make it worse.

WORD COUNT: 1380

NOTES: based on this.

my masterlist

maybe it was a bad idea. maybe he was a bad idea.

maybe fucking your brother’s best friend wasn’t such a good idea. maybe falling in love with him wasn’t a good idea either. letting rafe ruin your life wasn’t a good idea but at the end of the day you loved him and trusted him. rafe was everything to you.

he was your protector and your lover. someone who could hide you from the rest of the world, who would hug you and tell you that everything will be okay and you would believe him without a doubt. because you were sure - rafe loved you. and you loved rafe.

actually it was something you wanted to believe in. that your secret relationship were not so fucked up from the very beginning. you closed your eyes when rafe was stalking you and gaslighting. didn’t hear anything when rafe told you to stop talking to your friends. didn’t say anything when you saw rafe snorting a line. because he’s a man, he is smarter than you. you don’t get to decide anything for him.

and now, three years later you were ready to write a letter to rafe. of course you could call him or text him but it wasn’t the same. you wanted to imagine how rafe would sit in his royal bedroom looking at this letter, rereading every word. remembering how you said every damn thing years ago. how you begged him to quit doing drugs. how you begged him to be a family with you. and he just shrugged, not believing that it was something he wanted to have.

and now rafe would give everything so he could just have you in his arms again.

“hey, rafe.

how are you doing? i want to believe that everything is okay. i asked topper a few times about you but he refuses even saying your name. and honestly i don’t judge him. i don’t have a right to judge me, you know? actually i was surprised that he didn’t stop talking to me after he found about our thing. but that’s not the point why i am writing this letter. don’t worry.

i had a lot of time to think. and you know what? finally i have some brave to tell you those things and finally let you go. i don’t know if you have someone beside you, and i tried my best not to reach out for you and don’t ask somebody about your love life. you know, just want to respect you and your private life because now i have no right to ask you about this since we are nobody to each other.

(and no, i can’t say that we are still friends. because we are not)

i wasn't crazy falling hard for you.

i’m used to liars, used to men using me, but you know what I'm not used to? you. you’re a different whole kind of pain. you're the type of pain that rips my vocal chords that I can't even scream. you're the type to dry my tears that 1 can't even cry.you’re the type that when I feel the slightest content, your memory stabs me in the heart. so yah, I'll take the liars, the manipulators, those men who objectify me over you because you... you made me love you with every intention of destroying the foundation i walk on just to watch me fall and stumble trying to come out of this alive.

I wish I could fix everything people broke in you. I wish I could erase every person who came into your life and left holes in your heart. I wish there was a way for me to rewind your past and erase every painful memory that made your life a little darker. I wish I had the power to go inside your heart and bring it back to what it used to be.I wish there was a way to go inside your heart and make it brave again. I wish I could just cleanse your heart and rid it of all the mess, all the chaos and all the heartbreaks. I wish I could show you the kind of love you've been missing but Rafe I've learned that love doesn't work that way and healing doesn't happen unless you feel it deep inside your soul.I learned that another human being can't tell you how you should feel or who you should love or what kind of heart you should have.

Love is the only force you can't fight even if you know you're going to lose and I wish I had the power to fight with you but darling that's one battle you're going to have to fight on your own. Because I'm also still healing. I'm still working on myself.

I'm still trying to bring my old heart back. And I'm still trying to find a way to fix everything people broke in me. I'm still trying to heal the wounds inside my heart. I'm still trying to be brave again. To trust again. To love again.And sometimes I wish there was a way for me to stay without losing myself. Sometimes I wish my journey was simple and linear so I can easily turn a blind eye to reality. To the facts that I know too well. To the struggles that I'm still trying to get through.But here I am, still trying to mend the broken pieces. Still trying to make sense of my journey and still very cautious because I'm not ready to break my own heart again.Because darling I've learned that just like can't force you to change your heart or the way you love, I can't force mine to change either. I've learned that if I can't help you heal, I have to let you go. I've learned that I need to heal myself first.

In 20 years, when my daughter asks me who my first love was, I'll think of you.

I will think of nights spent talking until the sun came up. I will think of the way your smile lit up my heart. I will think of the lessons you taught me, both before and after your broke my heart.

And I will look down at my daughter and tell her your name, I'll tell her how much I loved you, how dangerous it is to love somebody that much, how I had to learn to put myself back together again once you left.

I could tell her this funny story when I fell in love with my stalker. And how you stole my panties all the time. You thought I didn’t notice? Silly you. I just didn’t want this to end. I guess I always liked you. And I was attracted to you. I confess I’ve already been a little bit fucked up. That’s why everything was good at first.

Someday we will forget all about this. I will forget how you looked at me and I will stop dreaming about you every single night, wishing for you to come back. You will forget the way I laughed at every little thing you said and how I was different; happier, with you. We will be too far away from each other and we will have forgotten everything.

Someday, what we had wouldn't matter anymore, and I will never cry for you again.

But for now, I hope i’ll meet in any other life where we would be happy. And we’ll have a family of our own home. Like we’ve dreamed. But I don’t know, maybe it was just my dream and you didn’t want all of this. Sorry, if I said anything harmful.

We were never meant for each other. But I'm glad that even for a sheer moment It felt like we were.

But you made a mistake in your letter. Maybe you were meant to be. You and Rafe met in a wrong time. Right place.

i think i’ll rewrite it but anyways i hope you liked it! share your thoughts and add share your asks to my inbox i’ll gladly answer to them!

if you would like to be added to my taglist leave a comment or let me know by sending me in my ask!

oh and let me know if you want me to write more about their relationship before the break up!

taglist: @ivy-34

[bananasfosterparent]

The difference in AA is his soul being irreversibly gone. That is the point and this is what Larians writers have been hinting at and this is what irks people about AA. The oversexualisation and erasure of his trauma, effectively erasing him as a person. I know we're talking about a fictional character, but if we're gonna go off on the topic, saying something "doesn't matter" is just a cop-out. Astarion didn't need to be "fixed" to the point of emotional lobotomy.

I don't think it's wrong to like or prefer him, but I think it's valid to have opinion on the matter, much like you have yours.

I started to apologize for the length of this, but honestly, since you sent the message, I'm going to respond to every part of it. I'm not sorry for the rambling lol

"The difference in AA is his soul being irreversibly gone."

Okay, show me the quote/scene/dialog in-game where this canonly is said and confirmed? Where does it say the ritual will ever touch his soul or any part of the game talks about his literal soul?

And if by soul you mean the "lose who you are inside" as a metaphor, that's still a matter of opinion and not actually canonly what happens. Astarion is still himself. The "changes" in his personality are shifts to simply adjust to the company he is around. He's essentially code switching.

That is the point and this is what Larians writers have been hinting at and this is what irks people about AA.

Got it. So the point of Astarion's romance is for Larian to write a singular story that has one ending you're "supposed" to enjoy with a "morally good" conclusion, and one ending that's fun and sexy, but "supposed" to be a cautionary warning of how things "shouldn't go". Because that makes sense for a "choose your own adventure" game and that's why the romance stops with AA as soon as you ascend him, and he enslaves and compels your character and you can't continue the romance with him--OH WAIT.

The oversexualisation and erasure of his trauma, effectively erasing him as a person

"The oversexualization".... So you know my Tav's personal motivations and why she chose to ascend him? And you're confident you know I made the roleplay decisions I made because you know it centers entirely and solely around it being to sexualize him?

Interesting.

Because that couldn't be further from the truth. My Tav has an entire story for why she chose to ascend him and it has nothing to do with how sexy it makes him. And it was a story I came up with well before I knew about any of this "sexualization" concept. And as a player, I didn't ascend him because I wanted a sexy vampire. I went into his romance blind and had no idea what would happen when I did it. I ascended him because it narratively made sense for my character and their relationship. But even then, if I wanted a sexy vampire, why is that a bad thing? He's not real.

And I find it so ironic that a lot of spawn fans who are anti-AA only enjoy AA for the sexual parts of that ending. Yet, we're the ones "oversexualizing" him lol

As for "erasure of his trauma"... where do I even start? What does that even mean? lol I'm not gonna lie. You sound young or unaware, but believe it or not, in real life there is more than one way to deal with trauma. And dealing with it in a way you don't agree with doesn't erase the trauma or mean the person is pretending it never happened. Ascended Astarion very much addresses his trauma and exercises a different form of healing.

In a fantasy world, you can actually explore those other options and have the outcome work FOR you, even if it wouldn't in real life. Accepting your fate and trying to align yourself with "morally good" choices is certainly not a bad thing and one way to go. In real life, that's what I agree with, as a Christian and believer in Christ. But Faerun doesn't have a Jesus. They don't have the same real world ideas of morals. They have their own gods, their own history, their own moral perspective outside of our world. Bringing in (your perspective of) our real world morals is a valid way to roleplay, but it's not the "only correct" way to roleplay.

There is the route of overthrowing what was meant to control and destroy you, and taking control of it yourself. Taking what was meant to be against you and making it work for you instead. For me, that's what Astarion's ascension means.

A smaller example of this is if you give Astarion Gandrel's crossbrow to use.

This weapon was designed to work against vampire spawn. It allows for its user to possibly inflict Turn Undead on enemies and gives them advantage in a fight against monster types. And yet, Astarion can wield it and use it effectively. He can take what was created to hurt and destroy him and use it to work for him.

Ascension can be the exact same thing. It's not a matter of which opinion of ascension is morally right. It's a matter of which decision on ascension is right for your Tav and their story with Astarion.

...saying something "doesn't matter" is just a cop-out.

Can you show me where I said "something" "doesn't matter"? Cause it wasn't in any of my recent posts. Are you referring to one of my older ones?

Not only do I not know what part of what post you're referring to, BUT I also don't know what I was talking about, if I even said "something" doesn't matter. I don't know what that "something" is.

Astarion didn't need to be "fixed" to the point of emotional lobotomy.

I'm glad we agree on something. I've seen people claim ascension is "fixing" him (because it eliminates the negative traits of vampirism) and therefore it's weird to call anti-AA spawn fans "fixers". But the difference is trying to change(fix) his morals and view of the world to reflect a "good" worldview (the spawn ending) VS trying to change (fix) his circumstances and lack of control (helping his ascend).

AA fans do not want to change his personality or his mental/emotional state. We want to change his circumstances so that he has a place to be able to make those decisions on his own. And for most of us, Ascension provides that perspective.

Spawn fans want the same thing. But the approach is more to convince him from the inside out that he can make those decisions without ascension. And that's also true. But not more valid or the only way.

But his personality does not change in either ending. In one (spawn ending), he is able to find freedom in just being free of Cazedor and exist the way he always has with a newfound confidence and peace.

In another, he is able to find freedom in taking the helm himself, and holding all the cards to be the one on top. He finds confidence in having the power and being able to wield it, without fear of anything he's had to fear with the negatives of vampirism.

But in both, he is still the same person. He still gets joy out of the same things (killing people, having/causing/observing bloodshed, and causing some chaos), he still has the same personality. The difference is in his circumstances and how he presents himself.

I don't think it's wrong to like or prefer him, but I think it's valid to have opinion on the matter, much like you have yours.

You don't mean that. Because if you did, you wouldn't have a reason to send this anon message in the first place. You wouldn't care enough. It wouldn't matter. You wouldn't have this opinion. You would be able to see value in both endings and respect the positive perspective of ascension even if you don't understand it, without arguing headcanon points like "his soul is irreversibly gone".

Your entire message is literally you trying to tell me it's wrong to like him and that the opinion I have of him is invalid and wrong. I already respect your opinion on both sides of him. Because it's your right to how you roleplay and see him. If you respect mine, you're doing a really awful job at showing it.

Regardless, if that is your intention or not. That's what sending this message says. If you really want to say you respect AA fans for enjoying AA, then stop sending AA fans messages like this and either completely avoid AA and the fans or refrain from trying to argue against it. We can discuss it and not agree while also respecting each other's roleplay choices.

This is not a wrong vs right conversation. It's a "what's your preference?" conversation. Spawn vs Ascended should be like "what's your favorite Pokemon type?"

The sooner that is realized, the better off this fandom will be.

[bo0tleg]

Maverick and Rooster aren't going to be able to immediately fall back to what they were. They care for each other deeply, and saved each others life on the mission, but this sort of shit needs time. One conversation isn't going to cut it with those two.

Look: I like the idea of them falling back into what they were before just as much as the next person, but that's.... not what realistically would happen. And that's ok! It makes sense for them not to know what to do with each other at the start.

For the record: I'm also not blaming anyone for writing fics about them immediately going back to the father-son or uncle-nephew dynamic because, because come on. It's cute as HECK! I'd just like to think about how to explore their feelings and hang-ups about each other in dept!

They're both stubborn fucks and this has been simmering for far too long for anything to be resolved instantly with a single conversation. Bradley un-learned how to talk honestly to people the day he left, and Mav's scared about what honesty can bring. They've sat on this pot for so long they no longer feel it burning their asses, and forgot what they put in the damn thing in the first place, so they stay there. On top of it. Still burning their asses.

Bradley holds onto grudges like it's a lifeline, and one mission isn't going to change that. He listened to Mav in the canyon because he rescinded what he had said with his actions. Mav said that he 'wasn't ready' but then chose Rooster as his wingman, communicating that he is ready and that he trusts him with his life. But that was a life or death situation that Rooster was both present in and could interfere in if he so chose. He saved Mav because he didn't want him to die, and they seem more inclined to deal with it back on the boat, but it's still a long road ahead.

What happened was they rekindled their care for each other, because neither had ever truly given up on it in the first place. Mav never stopped caring and knew it, Bradley did the same without knowing. This just so happens to be the first time they're forced to deal with each other since the fallout.

Just because they care about each other doesn't erase the history that's separated them for all of this time. In fact, it probably makes it worse.

Bradley thought highly of Mav, and he didn't live up to it. Mav wanted the best for Bradley, and did what he thought would be best. Their problems came from the root of care. And it's more bittersweet because of it.

Because of it, resentment and guilt have settled over their shoulders, respectively, and it refused to go away.

They talk, and they try, but it's still not great.

Mav is inclined to just sweep it all under a rug and ignore the lump it forms on the floor. Because of his guilt, he takes all of the blame and sugarcoats Bradley's part in said blame to try and make up for it. Bradley is just as fault as Mav is, but Mav doesn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So instead of fixing things, they look slightly less crooked, but not entirely right. It's a 'their problem' not 'his problem'. They're both at fault, and they both need to deal with it.

Maverick refuses to give up any of the blame, and Bradley is going to refuse to take any of it.

Sure, Mav fucked up, but Bradley blew it out of proportions. Storming off and refusing to talk is a normal response, but not for fifteen years. He barely let Mav explain himself.

Everything "wrong" about himself he blames on Mav. He thinks that Mav fucked him up by breaking his trust as his father figure, so he doesn't trust anybody anymore. He thinks that him being completely emotionally stunted and sensitive to critique is Mav's fault because of the 'your not ready' comment.

Thing is, it's his own fault. It's his fault that he's been fucked up for so long because he never tried to fix what was broken. It's not Bradley's fault that Mav pulled his papers, but he threw away everything, everyone he had before because of a single (justifiable!) mistake. And he doesn't recognize it for what it is, and refuses the blame. Carting it all off to Mav instead of dealing with his own shortcomings.

Mav is aware of this (that Rooster refuses to take the blame), but agreed with Rooster in his analysis of the situation, and takes it all on himself, which is not a healthy mechanism for either of them. It pats Rooster on the head for somewhere he fucked up on, and overloads Mav with guilt that shouldn't be that intense and deep.

But they don't know this. So Mav isn't angry at Rooster, because he's blindsighted by his care.

Thing is, I want someone to be angry. I want someone to be offended on Mav's behalf because he himself won't do it. I don't know who it would be, could be a good number of people, maybe even a child OC.

For fifteen years Bradley left without looking back. He left, and Mav suffered. Someone saw that. Someone was there with him all or most of those years, sitting right beside him as his guilt grew with every holiday that went by, with every letter or call left unanswered.

The obvious option is Ice. However, I want to pull away from that option, because if Ice is dead (stay with me now) it only creates more conflict, more nuance to what's going on.

Bradley cut Mav out of his life, and it's implied that he cut out any association with him too. That includes Ice.

What if he never spoke to Ice either for those fifteen years? Ice died. Bradley went to his funeral. Bradley went to his funeral as a fellow aviator, as an underling obeying orders.

Bradley's face in that funeral was blank.

That is the face of a man watching the burial of someone he once could potentially have considered a father figure that he hadn't spoken with for fifteen years. And he's never going to be able to speak to him again.

At that funeral, I don't think he regretted it. Sad, maybe, but no regret.

The regret only hit later.

He got to mend things with Mav after the Uranium Mission and beyond, but that is no longer possible with Ice.

Bradley regretted what he did, how he neglected them for years, but he regretted it too late for one of them.

I think Brad probably ended up at Ice's grave at some point, and owned up to everything he didn't– couldn't– own up to at the funeral. And he fucking sobbed. Begged. Apologized, over and over.

This is the reason I suggested maybe a child OC, because if the child is Icemav's or just Ice's, Bradley's gonna have a warped perception of them. (Note: When I say "child" I mean that it was their child as in gender neutral for son/daughter, it doesn't necessarily mean the person in question should be an actual kid.)

Bradley's gonna see that kid as penance.

And they're gonna fucking hate him for it.

Bradley is going to look at them and see Ice, and they're gonna hate him for it. Their father is dead, and for the last fifteen years of his life he'd never been truly happy because this prick never bothered to own up to his mistakes. Not even at the funeral Bradley owned up to his shortcomings, and now all of a sudden he waltzes right back like he never left? What the fuck!

Bradley could have done this, idk like a week sooner? But he only came to his senses after Ice died. Their father died and Bradley barely looked like he cared is what they're going to think. But all of a sudden, he goes on a suicide mission and almost died and he's suddenly back? Because when his own life is in danger he changes his mind, but when Ice died he couldn't care less? What the fuck!

That man went to that funeral as a subordinate, not as the son he was.

The kid doesn't have the tinted lenses Mav has on about Bradley. All the resentment Mav doesn't feel, this kid is going to feel for him.

Bradley is going to understand their resentment because of Ice, and is going to focus on fixing that part with them, without noticing that the resentment isn't just because of Ice, it's about Mav too.

The kid is going to be pissed because they are not Ice. Bradley is going to be too worried about making it up to a dead man through his child that he's going to neglect the very much still alive man he ALSO has to make amends with.

But Ice didn't have a direct hand in pulling his papers, so Bradley understands his mistake with him (he shouldn't have cut him out over someone else's mistake). Mav, however, did have a direct hand and he's still bitter about it. And the kid sees it. They see him doing exactly that.

Bradley is focusing on the wrong thing, because he's trying to redeem himself in an impossible way, trying to answer to someone who no longer demands it.

He goes after it because the silence is a more comfortable answer than the conflict he's bound to face from someone who's still alive.

In the process, he's going to hurt Mav.

Bradley's gonna be so caught up in making it up to Ice (the one he can no longer make up to) that he doesn't think to properly make it up to Mav (the one he can still make it up to) because he thinks he has to.

Ice is gone. Ice is gone and there's nothing he can do about it. And If he'd just changed his mind earlier maybe there could have been. Admittedly, Ice still would have died, but maybe he'd have died more settled than he did. He'd have died with the knowledge that his son came back. That his son still cared. But he didn't, and Bradley hates himself for it.

So, he veers to the kid. He doesn't outright apologize other than the first time, but he's gonna treat them like either a piece of glass or a carbon copy of his father figure. Regardless, they're going to hate him for it.

It's not them he cares for, it's what he sees them as. They can see straight through his bullshit because there's no deep emotional connection there to blind them.

They could try to care and love for him for Mav's sake, but it'd be much better if it were on their own terms, that Bradley would care for them as them and not as Ice's child.

On top of that, the neglect Bradley has for Mav is humongous. And he himself doesn't see it because the resentment he feels is still there. Mav was the one who pulled his papers. He blames Mav for his own decisions.

He's alone, and he blames Mav. He doesn't let anyone in or near, and he blames Mav. But it wasn't Mav that made him shut everyone out, he did that on his own.

He hasn't thought about why Mav did what he did, choosing to believe what Mav claimed to be the reason. It's blatantly obvious that Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell of all people would never stop someone from going to the Academy because he thought they aren't capable. That's what they did to him, he's not going to do that to someone who is virtually his son.

Bradley was irrational and stuck to that irrationality for fifteen years. He used the emotional stuntedness he himself created as a guise to not actually process what happened. He refused to think about it, and still does.

He and Mav reconnected after the mission, but it's a frail margin. Bradley was more inclined to listen because he's confused that Mav cares at all. In his rage, he didn't notice that he did it out of love, and doesn't know what to do with it. The entire training, he's confused, pissed and uncertain all the while.

He still doesn't know the real reason Mav did what he did, and doesn't understand the love he still sees in his eyes. Rooster thought that he shattered everything he had with Mav when he felt, most of all cemented it with all the time spent in that state.

By the end of the movie, he knows for certain that Mav loves him, and understands that he, himself, never stopped loving Mav either, despite what he claimed.

Bradley wanted to be a pilot because of his dad. Goose wasn't a pilot. Maverick was.

The betrayal hit him harder because he wasn't running after Goose, he was looking up to Mav. He wanted to be like Mav.

And he became a pilot, even when Mav pulled his papers, even after having the person he did it all for ripped him into shreds. He still did it.

He still wanted to be like Mav. Deep down, he still saw him as a role model even through all of the repression.

But he still doesn't know why. He doesn't know why Mav did what he did, because Maverick himself refused to say why.

Mav isn't going to be doing great either. He fucked up, and he fucked up big time. He shouldn't have pulled Bradley's papers, period. I know about Carole, but still. He should have communicated with Brad about it, and they'd fight about it, but Bradley wouldn't have walked out to never return then.

To worsen matters, Maverick has a horrendous martyr complex that makes him take the brunt of Bradley's resentment instead of Carole, the actual perpetrator.

Over the years, he's blamed himself more and more every year that passed, but I don't believe he ever regretted it.

He fulfilled Carole's last wish. It didn't stop Rooster from becoming a pilot. He gave both of them what they wanted.

But he's trying to protect the Carole Bradley has in his head because he doesn't want to stain his memory of her as he did with himself. This has been discussed a hundred times over, so I will try to be brief.

Mav is scared that instead of him, Bradley's gonna resent his mother. His dying, cripple mother that said that in her death bed. His widow mother who saw her husband die in the skies and didn't want her baby boy to have the same fate. His sorrowful mother that had to watch her friend, someone she considered a little brother, keep going up into those same skies and hear all the whispers the people on the ground flung upon him because of it.

So he took it all on himself. Because he sees himself as expendable in favor of her.

So, safe to say he's not going to be the one to tell Bradley the truth. Because of it, Bradley's resentment is going to continue to fester.

After the mission, Bradley knows that Mav's not telling him everything, but he refuses to talk about it so what the hell is he going to do?

They fix things well enough for them to talk to each other, but don't make it too deep in fear of opening up more wounds instead of stitching the old ones back together.

Mav thinks this is as good as he can get. Bradley is annoyed at Mav's hesitance.

Despite mending things, Bradley is still going to think all of his problems are Mav's fault. And he's a petty bitch, so he won't let it slide.

He hasn't properly processed it due to the lack of information, and can't let go because of it.

He's going to slip in dry comments about how Mav affected his mental health and life because of what he did. He's going to be cagey about everything that happened in the in between. He's not going to know basic shit about Mavericks life because he refuses to acknowledge that he was wrong in more than one way.

And Mav's gonna fucking take it.

He's not gonna say anything, not gonna even defend himself because he thinks he deserves it.

Bradley is a stubborn fuck whose pride has been hurt once, and refuses to acknowledge that it could be hurt again. He's just like Mav when he was younger, but ten times worse in the emotional department (I have no fucking idea how he managed that, but he did).

So yeah, soon enough they're going to be balls deep in miscommunication with grudges held close to their chest.

Maverick wants to communicate but doesn't want to communicate a very important piece of information that could potentially make things better and Bradley straight up doesn't want to if he doesn't have to.

Which means they're going to come to a stand-still. And someone is gonna have to interfere.

If I were to guess, it'd either be Slider or Sarah (Kazansky). Regardless if Sarah is Ice's sister or wife (up to interpretation), she knew how important Mav was to Ice and obviously cares about him too from the few scenes we got of her. Slider also knows, and it's obvious he also genuinely cares about Mav too despite claiming otherwise.

I'd honestly vote for Slider to be the one to do it, simply because he'd also see the Ice favoritism and the Mav neglect, and would pull Bradley's ear about it to hell and back. Because he also knew Goose, and this... entire thing is not something Goose would be happy about, at all. Slider has a much more subdued connection to Bradley, so he'd have no qualms about calling him out on everything.

Especially if he ever found out that Bradley said 'My dad trusted you, I'm not going to make the same mistake.' I sorely believe Slider would end up in jail if he ever heard about that one.

If Sarah were the one to do it, she'd probably be more understanding and much less violent than Slider, but she'd be blunt. That's still someone she cares deeply for they're talking about, and she also saw all of it. She wouldn't sugar coat what needs to be said, but she'd be understanding too. Not you did nothing wrong kind of understanding, but a you had your reasons to be upset kind of understanding.

Either of them would probably do this without Maverick's consent, because that's the only way to get it done.

When Bradley finally comes to know exactly why Mav did what he did, he's gonna be in shambles. Not only for Mav, but for himself.

His entire life has been built around that single happenstance and now it's gone, he was wrong. He was so wrong. He can't go back to being the way he was, he doesn't remember how he was.

He's gonna have to start over, rebuild himself from the ground up to be someone better and spare everyone in his life the suffering. Everyone in his life has suffered the consequences of his resentment. He doesn't know if he can make up for it.

To start over, step number one is apologize.

This right here is were he finally lets his ego drop, and fully apologizes to Mav. Finally owns up to his mistakes to the person that deserves it most. He's not gonna leave Mav be, he's definitely going to demand a full explanation from him and then is going to scold him for it, but he's gonna finally fully let go of the grudge he held this entire time.

That's to say, everything isn't a sea of roses.

Maverick isn't the only person he needs to apologize to, and on top of it, Maverick is probably the only one who is going to let him down easy.

Bradley is going to be on a tight leash with everybody else for a while, and they don't have any hold ups about calling him out on his bullshit. He's going to need to learn how to take critique to improve himself rather than read it as a straight up insult that he's going to get mad about.

Maverick is going to need to learn that Bradley isn't going to up and leave, and that he shouldn't hold himself to such low standards. Not only that, he's also going to need to learn that Bradley is bound to make mistakes just like any other human.

Bradley is still gonna fuck up in some places, but he's gonna be better at recognizing it. Mav's also gonna fuck up sometimes, but he's going to get better at accepting it and moving on.

With time, Mav is going to call Bradley out on his bullshit too, and Bradley is going to do the same when Mav starts doing his 'I'm less important than other people' shit.

They're going to be sad about it because they think that the reason the other does some of the things they do is because of themselves, but that's a story for another time.

They try. That's what matters.

[willalove75]

Alcina's New Maid Pt. 19 Lady Dimitrescu x Reader

Summary: In the aftermath of the meeting Alcina is feeling guilty and you try and ease her pain.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI.

Tags: Some angst, some fluff

Notes: Part 19! I know things have been HELLA angsty lately but I promise the next few chapters I have planned will be fun and fluffy and perhaps even a little bit smutty😏💕 We'll be putting all of that angst to bed for a bit!

A/N: If you picked up the mildly obscure Toy Story reference, I love you hahah I'll link the reference at the end for those who missed it!

Click here for the rest of the series

Gif source

Alcina's tears slowed and eventually stopped flowing. When she felt your fingers in her hair still and heard your breaths even out she relaxed a little knowing you were asleep. She stayed there for a little longer, with her head resting on your chest, listening to your heartbeat as you slept. The steady beat of your heart and your gentle breaths relaxed her as the guilt ate away at her.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she finally lifted her head from your chest and your fingers slid out of her ebony curls and onto the bed next to you. Removing the gauze that was on your neck wound, she winced when she looked at it again. The bleeding had stopped for the most part, only trickles of blood still flowing from it. You definitely needed stitches. The longer Alcina looked at the wound the more her hands trembled - she would never be able to stitch you up like this. She tried her best to keep her hands steady but the harder she tried, the more they trembled and the more frustrated she became.

A knock on the door pulled her attention away from her hands and your neck.

"Mother?" Bela said as she opened the door.

"Yes?"

"Aunt Donna, Angie and Uncle Heisenberg are here for you."

Alcina grumbles and brings her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

"Alright, I'll be there in a moment."

"Do you need help with anything?"

Alcina pulls the fresh gauze away again to confirm you're still bleeding. Sighing in defeat, she turns to her daughter.

"Can you take over and continue to apply pressure to her neck?"

"Is she okay?" Bela asks, walking closer to the bed.

"Yes, she's asleep. Please try and not wake her. I am going to freshen myself up before going downstairs."

Bela sits on the edge of the bed and holds the gauze against your neck as Alcina makes her way into the bathroom. After a few minutes Alcina comes out in a new, clean dress. Her hair is fixed and her makeup is flawless. If Bela didn't see her mother so upset herself she never would have thought that she had been crying so hard. All evidence of her breakdown has been erased.

"I shall be back in a little while with Donna. She is going to need stitches and I am going to have Donna do it while she's here. If anything changes, do not hesitate to come get me."

"Yes mother."

Alcina ducks out of the door and Bela hears her footsteps getting further and further away.

Less than five minutes later Daniela appears in the bedroom next to Bela.

"How is she?" Daniela asks with worry in her eyes.

"She's okay. She's asleep so don't wake her Dani - Dani!" Bela hisses as Daniela crawls onto the bed and lays down next to you.

"Shh! And you're worried about me waking her up!" Daniela whispers which elicits an eye roll from Bela. "How's her neck?"

Bela removes the gauze and examines it before applying pressure to it again.

"It's still bleeding a little, she's definitely going to need stitches. Mom said she's going to have Donna do it before she leaves. But it's going to leave a nasty scar."

"Do you think mom will put the healing salve on it?"

"No, she only used it last time out of desperation. Mother doesn't want to expose her to the mold unless she absolutely has to."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Where's Cass? Still in the dungeon?"

"Yeah, she's been throwing things around in there all day. I think she even took a maid who had been misbehaving down there."

"Yikes."

Daniela's eyes wander over your sleeping figure, the bandages on your chest, the dried blood caked to your skin, the wound Bela was covering. She pouts and lays her head on the pillow next to you, gently moving your hair out of your face as you slept.

Alcina makes her way downstairs into one of the sitting rooms. As soon as she ducks through the door she sees her hat floating across the floor.

"Look I'm the dragon lady!" Angie's voice screeches from underneath the hat. "Roar! I'm so big and scary! Fear me!"

"Give me that." Alcina says, swiping the hat from Angie's head.

"Ugh, you're such a buzzkill, Godzilla!"

Alcina growls at Angie who runs towards Donna and climbs into her lap. She dusts off her hat and places it on one of the tables.

"How's the kid?" Karl says.

"Alive, no thanks to you." She snaps.

"What the fuck? Why the fuck is this shit my fault?!"

"You said you would protect her! Both of you said you would protect her and you did nothing!" Alcina yells.

"We were waiting for you to fucking do something you gigantic psychopath!"

"What was I supposed to do?! If I made another move Miranda would have killed her on the spot! There was nothing I could do!"

"And you don't think that crazy bird bitch wouldn't have snapped her neck with one hand if we did anything?! Plus it's not our fault you can't fucking control yourself you bloodthirsty bitch!"

Angie cackles. "Yeah! Get her!"

They meet in the middle of the room and are toe-to-toe, glaring at each other. Angie jumps off of Donna's lap and jumps around the two of them.

"How dare you!"

"This is the last time I try and do you any fucking favors!"

"Good because you couldn't even do the one thing you said you would! You unreliable greaseball!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Angie chants.

"Listen here you fucking cun-"

"Karl, Alcina, that is enough." Donna says, standing from her seat.

"Donna do not get in my way because I am as equally as angry at you right now." Alcina hisses.

"Alcina, please. Karl, sit down!" She says, pulling him the collar and throwing him into a chair.

"Hey!" He yells.

"Be quiet." Donna snaps before turning towards Alcina. "Alcina, please. What did you want us to do? There was nothing we could have done that wouldn't have put her life at further risk. Like Karl said, Miranda could have easily snapped her neck with one hand or when she had her caught up in the vines. We were powerless."

"What about the rest of the time?! When she was fighting against those vines! I did what I could but Miranda had me restrained! The both of you just stood there doing nothing!"

"Alcina, that's not true-"

"Then what the hell were you doing?!" Alcina screams, causing Donna to flinch and begin trembling.

"Will you stop fucking screaming at her?!" Heisenberg yells, getting in between the two of them. "Your temper is just as fucking short as you are gigantic. For your fucking information, we wanted to help. The minute Miranda wrapped you up we went to step in but Miranda eyeballed the two of us and had her vines pointed right at us. If we made any moves we would have been even more useless because we would have been fucking strung up on the ceiling by our ankles."

"Alcina, we wanted to help, we tried. There was nothing we could do that wouldn't have risked her life or made the situation worse."

Alcina lets out a shout of frustration before turning around and grabbing a nearby chair and throwing it into the wall, the chair shattering into splinters on impact. Her chest is heaving and her hands are balled into fists at her side. They begin to tremble as she struggles to keep her composure and not break down in front of everyone.

She was the matriarch of the castle, the one who never showed emotion - aside from anger. It was bad enough Donna had seen her in such a state multiple times over the last few months. It was worse that Karl witnessed her acting tender towards you. It would be a cold day in hell when she lets herself cry in front of them, Karl especially.

Hot tears sting her eyes as she struggles to keep herself together. It was easier thinking they just stood there and did nothing, at least then she was able to blame someone else. But after learning that they tried, and even worse, knowing that they were right in their suspicion that Miranda would have killed you if they stepped in to help, Alcina had no one else to blame for your pain but herself.

She broke her promise to keep you safe - again.

The realization hits her like a truck. Letting out a pained cry, she throws a table against the wall, it's pieces falling amongst the rubble from the chair.

Alcina squeezes her eyes shut, wiling the tears to go away. They threaten to roll down her cheeks but she grits her teeth and pushes everything she's feeling down with all of her strength.

You begin to wake up, feeling the sensation of tiny fingers running through your hair.

"She's waking up." You hear a familiar voice say.

"Hmm?" You mumble.

Turning your head towards the sound, you let out a small whimper from the pain at your neck.

"Easy, easy, don't move your head too much." The voice says.

Opening your eyes, you're met with a small pair of golden eyes with red strands of hair falling in front of them on one side.

"Daniela?"

"Yes, micuțo, I'm here." (Little one)

"Where's Alcina?" You ask, your eyes barely able to stay open.

"Karl, Donna and Angie are here, she went to talk to them." Bela says.

"Oh, okay." Your brows furrow as you feel the pressure of the gauze against your neck. "Fuck that hurts."

"I'm sure it does. When mom gets back Donna is going to stitch you up and we'll give you something for the pain, okay?"

"Okay."

"Go back to sleep micuțo, you need to rest." Daniela says, caressing your hair.

Your eyes close and you're swept away by sleep once more.

Not long after Alcina, Donna, Angie and Karl enter the room. Alcina didn't want an audience but Karl was being as stubborn as ever and Angie of course goes wherever Donna goes.

Sitting on the edge of the bed - taking over from Bela - Alcina runs her fingers through your hair.

"Draga, draga wake up." She says, her voice as comforting as a warm breeze. "Come on, iubirea mea. You have to wake up."

Your eyes flutter open and are met with Alcina's glowing golden eyes.

"There you go. Just like that, come now, you have to wake up."

"Alcina?"

"Yes love, it's me. I'm here." She says as she strokes your cheek with the back of her fingers. "Donna and Karl are here."

"I'm here too!" Angie screams.

Alcina shoots the doll a glare and turns her attention back to you.

"You need stitches, Donna is going to administer them, alright?"

"Okay."

Alcina moves to the other side of the bed after shooing Bela and Daniela out of the room. Angie and Karl stand on the outskirts of Alcina's chambers while Donna stitches up your wound. The entire time you're being stitched up, Alcina is sitting next to you on the bed, holding your hand and caressing it with her thumb. The stitches weren't exactly painful, but the wound itself was. Every so often a rogue tear would roll down your cheek and Alcina would quickly wipe it away, shushing you and comforting you.

When Donna was finished she gave her work one more once-over before nodding at Alcina.

"Try not to move your neck too much to avoid popping any stitches." Donna says. "You can remove them in a weeks time."

"Thank you, Donna." Alcina says.

"Of course. I'm glad to see you're okay, Y/N." Donna says to you.

"Thank you."

Angie climbs up onto the bed and stands on your chest, staring at your face. It's not that Angie weighs much, but it's still uncomfortable having anything standing on your chest right now.

"Will you get off of her." Alcina says, pushing Angie off of your chest.

"Hey! Watch it!" Angie argues before shooting a glare at Alcina, who returns the look. Staring at you once more Angie tilts her head at you. "You know, I was only kidding when I called you her new blood bag! But I guess I was right all along!" She says with an ear piercing cackle.

Alcina's eyes grow wide and angry at the doll and Donna quickly scoops her up and ushers her out of the door.

"Hey! Donna! What the hell?!" She manages to yell before Donna closes the door on her. "Oh come on! I was only kidding!" Angie's muffled voice calls from the other side of the door.

Karl walks up to the edge of the bed and looks down at you.

"How're ya feelin, kid?"

"Never better."

Karl chuckles and pulls something out of his waistband. "Here, found this on the floor of the chapel. It's pretty fucked up to toss a brand new gift, especially something as perfectly hand-crafted as this, onto a dirty chapel floor." He says with a wink before handing you the dagger he gifted you earlier in the day.

"Huh, sorry. I figured since it came from you it was used to laying around in trash." You quip.

Karl bursts into laughter and pats your shoulder. "Yeah, she'll be fine." He says to Alcina.

Alcina's eyes are trained on the dagger in your hand as it lays on your chest. Her eyes glued to the dried blood caked into the Dimitrescu coat of arms engraving. Nearly the entire engraving was now the rusted color of dried blood - your blood. Her heart clenches as she relives watching Miranda drag her nail down your chest.

"Hello? Earth to Alcina?" Karl says, snapping her out of her trance. "There's no way you're bloodthirsty already. You already took half of her shit!" He says.

Alcina's eyes shoot up to Karl and they narrow at him dangerously. She lets out a low growl and Karl puts his hands up.

"Jesus, I'm just kidding. That stick up your ass must me a mile long."

"Is there anything else you need or are you going to continue to bother us like the pest you are and keep her from resting?" Alcina snaps.

"Alright, alright. No need to get your parachute-sized panties in a bunch. I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Catch ya later, kid." He says to you with a tip of his hat and leaves the room. Donna nods to the two of you and follows him out, closing the door behind them.

You carefully turn towards Alcina, trying to be mindful of the stitches in your neck and she has a far away look in her eyes.

"Hey," you say, placing your hand over hers. "What's wrong?"

Alcina snaps out it and looks down at you.

"Nothing, I am fine." She says before taking the dagger from your hand and getting up to put it away.

As she walks towards the vanity where the leg holster is, she runs her thumb over the bloodied coat of arms. She didn't even realize she stopped moving until she felt something grab at her thigh.

Looking down, she sees you standing next to her with your arms wrapped around her leg.

"Draga, you need to be in bed and rest!" She says, putting the dagger down and turning her attention to you.

"I know, but you're not okay. I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me, Alci. Please."

"Come, you have to get back in bed."

"Can I at least shower and put on clean clothes?"

Looking down at you and realizing that you're still covered in dried blood and dirty, bloody clothing. Alcina sighs in defeat and agrees.

After a quick shower and some fresh pajamas, you lay down on the new sheets Alcina had a maid put on the bed while you were cleaning yourself up - exchanging them for the bloodied sheets you were once laying on.

You wanted to talk to Alcina, to find out what was wrong. Well, you're pretty sure you knew what was wrong given everything that happened but the moment your head hit the pillow a current of sleep pulled you under.

The next few days were a blur. Alcina was constantly coming and going from her chambers, checking in on you nearly every hour. All of the physical trauma that happened to your body seemed to catch up with you. Not only were you absolutely exhausted, your neck was bruised and swollen from Miranda's hand and the vines. You realized quickly after you woke up the next morning you could barely speak, to which Alcina muttered to herself "I had a feeling this would happen." and promptly had a maid bring you hot tea and soft foods.

Each day that passed Alcina seemed to be withdrawing into herself more and more. A familiar fear began to creep into your chest. Last time she became withdrawn she broke your heart into a thousand pieces, you were worried she was heading down that path again. You so desperately wanted to talk to her but you physically couldn't. So you tried to communicate your feelings physically. Kissing her, holding her hand whenever she sat near you, cuddling into her as close as you possibly could at night. You were happy that she was reciprocating your advances but something in her eyes still made her seem so far away.

On the fifth night, your voice was finally on the mend. It was raspy as hell, but at least you were able to speak.

Alcina was laying next to you reading a book. Her reading glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. You wiggled under her arm and cuddled into her, resting your head on her breast. She looked down at you and chuckled and adjusted her arm so you were comfortable. Wrapping your arm around her waist, your fingers drew abstract shapes across the silk of her nightgown. You couldn't help but look up at her and admire her beauty.

It was so rare for anyone to see her like this. With her hair down, no makeup, laying in just a nightgown with her reading glasses on. You could clearly see the laugh lines that adorned her perfect lips, even though their signature red rouge was absent. They still looked as full as ever. The crows feet in the corners of her eyes perfectly complimented her laugh lines. You could see every scar and stretchmark that adorned her neck, chest and face - no doubt most of them coming from the rapid growth she endured after getting the cadou. You wondered how many of them she carried over from her previous life and how many of them were new. She was effortlessly beautiful, yet something lurked in her eyes that made you believe that she never once looked at herself that way.

"You do know it's rude to stare, right, draga?" She says, her eyes not leaving her book.

"People stare at artwork all the time and that's considered a compliment." You rasped.

Alcina smirked and rolled her eyes before they landed on you. "Is there something I can do for you?" She asks, closing her book.

"Nuh-uh. I'm just looking at the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, draga mea." She says before leaning down and placing a kiss on your lips. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"No I'm good, I'm fine. How are you?"

"Me? There's no need to worry about me." She pulls the covers off of her and moves to stand up but you hold onto her, keeping her in place.

"But I am worried about you."

"Don't. Let me up, I am going to put my book away."

You release her from your grip with a sigh and watch her as she returns her book to the bookshelf and places her glasses on the vanity.

"I can't help it. I haven't been able to talk to you for almost a week. We haven't even been able to talk about what happened."

"We will have plenty of time to discuss what happened. What's important now is that you rest your voice and continue healing."

"Alcina, please. You're pulling away again. You've been doing it all week. It's starting to worry me. Please just talk to me."

Alcina places her hands on her vanity and looks down.

"I don't know what it is you want me to say."

"Anything, say anything. Tell me how you're feeling, let me know what you're thinking, anything." Alcina stands there, unmoving and silent. "Alcina please, it scares me when you get like this. Please let me help." You try your best to keep your voice steady but it still shakes. Alcina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"I don't want to burden you, you have enough to deal with draga."

"It's not a burden, you are never a burden. I'm more worried about you than anything else right now. Please, just talk to me. You promised you would talk to me."

She hangs her head and digs her nails into her palms. After taking a minute to collect her thoughts she finally speaks. "I'm afraid, draga." She says and looks up at you through the mirror.

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of myself, afraid of losing control again. I nearly killed you. I was completely out of control." Even from this distance you can see her eyes start to gloss over.

"But you didn't."

"But I very easily could have. That side of me, it is dangerous. It is horrific and monstrous-"

"Don't say that about yourself-"

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" She shouts as she turns towards you. "That side of me is nothing compared to what you've seen. It is ugly and horrifying and no one other than Mother Miranda has seen it in it's entirety. That was the first time anyone aside from my girls have even seen my wings! Those ugly, awful-"

"Alcina, they were beautiful."

"No they are not."

"They are to me."

"Nothing about that side of me is beautiful, draga. Nothing."

"Why are you so afraid of it?"

"Because I have no control over it! You saw what happened, I heard you begging and screaming to let you go and there wasn't a single thing I was able to do! It was like my mind was trapped in a body I had no control over."

Suddenly it felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown over you. You knew Alcina wasn't in control, but you thought that a different conscious took over and hers went dormant. But she heard you begging for your life. You were right, Mother Miranda wanted her to kill you. She wanted Alcina to be imprisoned as she watched you die in her arms.

"You heard me?"

"Yes. And when I'm in that state there is nothing I can do to stop myself." She wraps her arms around herself and looks down at the ground. "That's why I was so afraid when she told me to feed from you."

"Because she knows you're not in control. She wanted you to watch what you did to me but not be able to stop it."

"Precisely."

You move over and pat the empty side of the bed, silently asking Alcina to join you again. She stands there for a moment, her arms still wrapped around herself, almost as if she's afraid to get too close to you. "Come on." You say as you wave her over. Eventually she sighs and lays back down in bed. Being mindful of your stitches, you curl into her and lay your head on her shoulder.

"But you stopped. You weren't in control but you stopped." You said.

"I don't know what you did to stop me but I can never guarantee that will happen again. You were lucky. We were lucky that monster stopped."

"Alcina, please."

"I don't know what else you want me to call it, it's a monster."

"What does it look like, your full form?"

"Like a dragon of sorts."

"Of sorts?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Okay, then call it a dragon, not a monster. For me, please?"

Alcina looks into your pleading eyes and rolls hers. "I will try."

"Thank you. Do you want to know how I got you to stop?"

"Yes."

"As you were feeding from me I remembered Cassandra saying that fear makes blood taste sweeter. I realized every time I felt fearful, the bite would get worse. So I relaxed myself in your arms and stroked your cheek. I asked you to please stop, that it was enough. Just when I thought I had failed and that I was going to die, you slowed down and stopped."

"I am so sorry, draga." She says as she wipes a few tears away and kisses the top of your head.

"But the most interesting thing happened after you stopped."

"What was that?"

"Even though your eyes were completely white, you looked afraid when you looked down at me in your arms and saw what happened. Was that the dragon, or was that you?"

Alcina leans her head back for a moment to think. She closes her eyes and her brows furrow.

"I think it was both of us. I was screaming, trying to get it to stop. Then it realized what it had done and I felt it's fear."

"Do you remember what happened afterwards?"

"When that mon-" you shoot her a look and she huffs. "when that dragon takes over my memory becomes hazy, so I don't remember everything clearly."

"You nuzzled me and whimpered."

"What?"

"Yeah, you nuzzled me and I heard you let out a whimper like a sad puppy. Then Mother Miranda took a step towards us and you growled at her. She took another step forward and you stepped backwards and then you full on snarled at her."

"Did I really?" Alcina asks with a look of surprise on her face.

"Yeah. Why? What's wrong?"

"It only ever responded to Mother Miranda. She was the only one that was ever able to control it." She says with a faraway look in her eye. Shaking her head, she looks back down at you. "Sorry, please continue."

"It's okay. After that you kneeled on the ground and covered us with your wings. Your mouth went to move towards my neck and I stopped you. I wasn't sure if you were going to try and feed again but instead you nuzzled me again and started purring, like really loudly. Louder than I've ever heard before."

A faint blush dusts Alcina's cheeks and she looks away as if she's embarrassed. "I'm sorry." She mumbles.

"What? Alcina, there's absolutely nothing to apologize for, especially for that." You say as you guide her chin back towards you. "Honestly? I liked it. It made me feel safe. Even when you do it and it's a faint purr, its comforting."

"I suppose that, thing, and I are more connected than I would care to admit. We are one in a way."

"That's why I don't want you to hate it or talk badly about it. It's part of who you are, and everything about you is beautiful and worthy of love."

Alcina's breath stalls in her chest and she looks deep into your eyes with wonder. "You are truly fascinating. You never cease to amaze me, draga mea." She whispers, as if she's talking to herself.

You sit up and bring your lips to meet hers in a gentle, passionate kiss. "I love everything about you. Everything that you are, Alcina. Always." You whisper against her lips before she kisses you again.

When your lips part you rest your head in the crook of her neck and she runs her fingers through your hair.

"Did anything else happen?" She asks.

"Well when I realized you weren't going to feed again, I let you move back towards the bite mark you started licking it and cleaning it."

"That I do faintly remember. Right before I came back, correct?"

"Yeah, you placed a kiss on it and when you pulled back the white in your eyes faded back to your usual gold."

"That's right. I do remember that. That's why Mother Miranda had that incredulous look on her face. Because the mon-"

"Alcina." You interrupt.

"Sorry, I've been calling it that for nearly 60 years, it's going to take some time to break that habit." She says defensively. "Anyway, she had that look on her face because the dragon disobeyed her, it rejected her and chose you."

"Man that must have pissed her off."

"It very likely had."

"Do you think she'll leave me alone now?"

"I hope so, draga mea. Mother Miranda is a woman of her word. She promised she would leave you alone from now on."

"She said that last time."

"Technically, she said she would respect my property."

"Is that not the same thing?"

"For Mother Miranda, no. But she swore to leave you alone so I can only hope she keeps her word."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

You stifle a yawn and Alcina chuckles and kisses you on the forehead.

"Sleep, draga." She says as she slides down under the covers and wraps her arms around you. "You need rest. And you need to rest your voice. You only just got it back and I fear that the length of our conversation will set you back in your recovery."

"It would be worth it. I missed talking to you. And we needed to talk."

"That we did, iubirea mea." She says as she nuzzles into your hair. "I missed talking to you too. Now go to sleep."

Alcina kisses the shell of your ear and you fall asleep feeling her warm breath cascading over you.

Of course, the conversation the two of you had did indeed set your recovery back because you woke up without a voice again and didn't get it back for another two days.

Finally your week of recovery has gone by and Alcina was able to remove the stitches from your neck wound. She tried to hide her grimace at the scar but you saw the look on her face. Insisting on seeing it for yourself, you couldn't help but make the same face at first. Your reaction to it, even though it was involuntary, broke Alcina's heart and you could see it all over her face. You did your best to reassure her that it wasn't that bad and that it would fade some in time, but the both of you knew that it would still leave a very noticeable scar.

Feeling the guilt radiate off of her, you led her to the bed and had her lay down with you. Curling into her as tightly as possible, the two of you laid like that for hours, trying to let the aftermath of the meeting fade from your minds. The both of you still had a lot of thoughts and feelings to work out, but as you laid in each others arms, nothing else in the world mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C25l1SkYzb0

"Look I'm the dragon lady!" Angie's voice screeches from underneath the hat. "Roar! I'm so big and scary! Fear me!"

"Give me that." Alcina says, swiping the hat from Angie's head.

[katyspersonal]

If you were curious, this song basically sums up everything of why I find Radagon sympathetic (timeline being sometime after the Twins were born)

(Attaching Youtube one with the lyrics just in case)

This is a beautiful song! And no, I agree with your vision that Radagon was not unfeeling nor "divorce selfie" meme when he left Rennala and his children! It is really funny to do all the divorce jokes and exaggerate how much of a bitch he can be for the comedic effect, I love this kind of cruel humour! xD

But in the end, Rennala did charm him enough to opt out for marriage and erasing his war crimes in Liurnia from the collective memory, instead of conquering the continent and erasing Carians instead, right? 🤔 He most likely can and did love her and his children, but he is bound with the problems of divinity as much as Marika if not more, right? Marika is just the latest carrier of Elden Ring, so, Greater Will's vision and Golden Order is just her iteration of it, when previously it were Ancient Dragons!

^^^ @izunias-meme-hole I am bringing your ask to answer here too because I went on this topic's territory here! :p

But Radagon didn't make the Golden Order "manifest" like this, he is Golden Order! His Japanese title is literally 黄金律, ラダゴン ((the) Golden Order, Radagon). His existence is a combination of the divinity and power Marika was given, where Two Fingers were guiding her and her own biases, principles and other things that give Golden Order its "current imperfection"! Let alone the fact that Marika is the dominant alter!

They were both dealing with "caged divinity"! But whereas Marika had the courage to kill herself (or get as close to it as possible, leaving it to Hewg and whoever he helps to maybe find the way to finish this), Radagon clearly liked living more :p And it is hard to blame him because whereas long long time ago Marika was just a traumatised Shaman woman that wished to make a better world where what happened to her village could not happen again, Radagon never existed as such! The divinity and this "better world" is all there was to him!

^^^ All three Mending Runes we get change the Golden Order, and it is no wonder that he is fighting us! At the first glance you'd think it makes no sense; why, if we just want to fix it? Something he himself wanted to do?

But like.. this is the point. :p He is like this because Golden Order is like this. It is not that he is protecting his power and the right to keep oppressing this or that kind of folks like any real world corrupt authority would! He goes beyond, a blend of a 'person' and of a 'concept', and is protecting his existence! Of course he doesn't want to be mended by someone except himself, because then it won't be HIM anymore! It is not that Those Who Live in Death should be condemned or anything- he probably doesn't even have an idea they exist since they appeared after Shattering! It is that Golden Order exists because Death was sealed, and he would get theseus-ship'd if that (or anything else) was changed! As if a law of nature was given the sentence and self-comprehension! I mean it: you won't wish on your worst enemy to be in Marika's OR in his situation!

Greater Will would be content with any Order, it simply created life but wants it to have a coherent form as opposed to primordial chaos!

And it seems like it abandoned everyone over Elden Ring being shattered! I pictured it as Marika shattering the "phone" between the world and itself, but it could've also been a gradual process! Like it seeing that no matter what the new Order doesn't rise from the ruins, nor the former one gets fixed. Maybe it just said "well THIS attempt at creating life with actual rules was a failure, I'll go try again, bye you weeaboo shits" fsdhfdsh The theory about us being an experiment, and a failed one at that that was abandoned by god/gods/aliens/whatever lingers somewhere amongst humanity, and here you can see it manifest.

Nonetheless 1) you'd expect the Two Fingers, its grandchild, to still remember its wishes and wish the same thing and 2) Greater Will possibly was still there long before the Shattering to do this:

I fucking love the "Sorry Rennala, I found someone better than you: myself" jokes and use them at any given chance fhhds But I am just saying, on the serious note, I do not actually think this IS what happened :p. If anything, Marika would be the one to want to hold the Golden Order as close to herself as possible, so it would be kept pure and in contact with the Greater Will like herself! I am considering the idea that she saw something similar to Goldmask's insight, except instead of drastically removing the 'person' from equation (at the time!) she wanted it to be "closer to the stars" for the lack of better term! Back then, maybe it looked like that way, it would never go corrupt, never fail her. After all, regrets and decision to destroy it only came after Godwyn was killed!

And in both cases, it was someone else who wanted Radagon to leave, and nothing really suggests that he was happy or indifferent doing so! He remade the sword Rennala gifted to him to symbolise the change, but nothing says which emotions were behind that process! It could've been any of them, and all interpretations are fair! He had duty to manifest the way things worked even more so than Marika, who at least GOT to live a normal human life long ago, but it doesn't mean he didn't care about how much pain he caused to Rennala in following that duty! On the other hand, bitter irony is that Radagon actually got to live a normal life - with Rennala and the kids! And just like Marika, he experienced leaving it behind to do "bigger" things. It is sad that the cruelty of caged divinity repeated even in her other self! 🤔

____________________

I've side-tracked in validating a more sympathetic reading of him (I just have a dark, immature humour that sometimes poisons my perception of the character on the first glance XD)! There is sadness about him. His one REAL sin is lacking the same courage Marika had, to die so the new, better era begins, but even then this "choice" is made for him when Elden Beast takes his motionless body as its weapon! The territorial aggressions, as well as principles of the Golden Order, are "fault" of Marika's personality as a 'god no better than humans' (which is FAIR), Two Fingers that gave her ideas via broken telephone, and maybe Greater Will in some capacity! "The roots were rotten", so Radagon could also only be rotten!

+ I also think that Radagon came into existence because Marika got cursed during the War with the Giants ( x )! Think of one breaking in two as "defence mechanism", because losing the God itself could not be afforded, however cursing the Order of this God was "fair game"! Marika is a tool of Greater Will to make the order, any order, so the tool could not be ruined yet the tool's creation (the Order) could! So, what if now it is only 90% perfect? Remnants of it are Ulcerated Tree Spirits breathing fire, despite being just malformed Minor Erdtrees! I have a theory that the same happened with Trina, as Miquella came into contact with Frenzied Flame but losing an Empyrean could not be afforded! That comes from the fact this sleep power is conceptual opposite of FF, as well as Torrent having burnt marks, his summon ring already having its part 'drained', him fearing the Abyssal Woods and Miquella being shown to ride in him the Shadow Realm before! It is a long one but you can see where I am going with this!

[cyten0]

A Symphony In Crimson

The End of A World

𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞𝄞

Your name is Siffrin.

And you should never have existed.

But you are about to fix that.

▲ “Hey Sif. Nervous?”

You nod. This isn’t going to be easy.

After defeating the king, you started to look more into your home, as best as you could. Made counter wishes, dug up tomes, EVERYTHING.

And what you found shocked you. Your home wasn’t just forgotten. It was erased. You, and everything from there, are living typos in the script.

And it shows, if you look too long. Why you'd have such expensive clothing when living out of a seaside cabin. Why a child knew how to pilot a boat across open waters. Why no one helped you as a child, as you still barely existed at all. Why the star door in the house never actually had a question on it, just the idea of one. Why even after screaming yourself to death, your home's name couldn't be said, as there was nothing to scream.

As time went on, you found more and more. The inability to find any traces of the religion or culture beyond the surface. The technology falling apart into a useless mess if you try and take it apart. People sharing with you what tiny bits of history you've recovered almost exactly, with no deviation.

It took years after to find out what did it. You wanted to see if it was possible to do it again, in order to fix it. And by freak chance, it turned out you were the only one alive who could.

The last heir to a throne that doesn't exist.

◉ “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine! We’ve got everything planned out!”

Mirabelle sits at the dining table, cheerful. She’s really flourished since Dormont. Grew more confidant. Assured. The picture of the Revolutionary Housemaiden the tales came to paint her as.

𝄞 “Are you all. SURE. You are still Okay with this?”

✿ “Course Frin, especially myself! I know what’ll happen, but crab it.”

They are still cooking up food for you all. Biggest meal they’ve ever made, to fit the occasion. They’ve learned SO MANY recipes, that it took them a solid WEEK to figure out what to include, settling for at least only what can fit on the table. Fritters are, of course, included.

Bonnie has grown up into a fine adult. That wishcraft-made red hair and eyes looks good on them! They did mention they liked that you both match now.

𝄞 “I know, but still…”

✿ “Look, I know I’m gonna die, but it’ll only be for a bit! You just better meet back up with kid me as soon as you can, got it? And give them a list of my best recipes, while you’re at it!”

◆ “And let MY younger self know to get a Shattering cane earlier, OR ELSE. If I find out you knew about my leg and did NOTHING, I know I won’t be merciful.”

Odile meanders her way to the table. Last 20ish years plus the action at Dormont have not been kind to her, but she manages anyways. She struggles to walk, but you know if you tried helping her to the table she would still beat you senseless.

▲ “Yeah, you don't want to provoke the wrath of Odile!... Don't worry Sif, I know you won't have to. Still, Excited for my younger self to get to play with Fashion designs from your homeland. You better find me quick!"

He gives you a kiss. Hehe! It's been nice, being with him. Your bonding earrings turned out so pretty. As is everything else he's made since. He's been keeping you safe and sound, comfortable in your shared home.

◆ “That said, just to double check. I grabbed a sales report of that ‘bodycraft aid’. Even with the virus’s greatly reduced efficiency, the amount it’s distributed more then makes up for it.”

Right. It took ages to dig up that old virus, and while it’s baseline form as utterly horrifying, things changed when you realized it made those affected closer to the Universe, or specifically the Arcana. The Fool was very clear they are NOT the universe, just a part of it.

You had to reduce the Viruses effects SIGNIFICANTLY, but it still ended up as a net increase. And actually beneficial for people! Greatly eases healing crafts and of course, body craft!

◉ “On my front, think I’ve got blessings across the world, so we should be good on that front!”

Mirabelle used some of their savior popularity and leveraged rumors of their blessing to help seed star-stuff around the world. It DOES help crop growth, reduce disease, and increase peoples craft! People just accepted it was a divine blessing, and got to enjoy the perks. And since You and Bonnie were keeping yourselves safe, nobody knew about the caveat.

✿ “So, Fool, think it’s enough?”

The strange figure appears next to them on their command. A long tattered cloak, held closed with thousands of hands. A single, Red, floating eye for their face. A pale rose in one hand, and a walking staff in the other.

(✸) “For our own purposes? Not quite enough, but that is fine. It will still bring us closer together. We shall live again, if for but a moment. And with that time we shall be stitched ever so slightly tighter. May-hap next time shall be the last we need.”

It feels bad, but. You’ve done all you can. Short of causing an actual apocalypse, this is the best you can do for them.

Sure, everyone will die, but it’ll barely last a minute before they are all back. And none of them will remember. Odile even made sure it’d be painless, JUST in case. Enough they might not even realize they died at all if they do remember. Most importantly, It'll get all the Arcana summoned, and with that you can make things overall better.

(✸) “However, with your plan in mind, it should be enough for your own desires. It will not be easy, Lost King, even knowing your skill with time. We hope you are ready.”

✿ “Sure, but food first! I’m gonna enjoy my ‘last’ meal.”

The fool looks you all over, as you eat. It's hard to read them, but they seem... Happy?

(✸) “To think such a peaceful method of this was possible… And to fix our mistakes from before... We are grateful. And sorry, for the trouble.”

𝄞 “If it brings back my home, that’s enough. Consider us even.”

You all enjoy your meal. The Fool even shapes themselves into a human form to enjoy a little, on Bonnie's request.

You are glad for this. But, you know...

You’re going to miss them, for however long it takes to find your way back.

>>>

With full stomachs, and everyone ready, you all head to the room you set up. The view of the stars above, devices planted against the walls, specialized patterns to channel craft in the EXACT way you need it.

The Universe is watching. Time to heal a star.

Odile starts up the setup to make the needed modifications to the summoning rituals. Isabeau helps her out, running the numbers and double checking everything.

You stand in the center of the circle.

▲ “I think that’s everything! We’re ready as we’re gonna be.”

◆ “Indeed. Now remember, Siffrin, minimal changes! If this goes wrong, we need to leave the world mostly intact so we can meet up, get notes from you, and try again. And so you don’t unwrite yourself entirely, since you’ll be the only one to remember. Only act when you’re sure it’ll work.”

𝄞 “Gotcha! Alright, let’s do this.”

You lift your hand, and unleash the power in your blood. Rapidly, as quick as you can, you pull out each part! 3, 4, 5. One by one, you feel reality quake as you continue, but the setup holds strong. 18, 19, 20-

✿ “Hrg! YEP! That’s My cue! Okay, Painless sacrifice thing doesn’t work on me, That’s crabbing fun. Fair, I guess.”

You watch as Bonnie starts to dissolve into floating blood, as Judgment exacts their price. You nearly stop then and there, you don’t want to-!

✿ “I’ll be fine Frin! Finish it!”

You… You breathe In. And Out.

You call upon The World.

⋆｡°✩ “BY OUR HAND THE WORLD SHALL BE SACRIFICED” ✩°｡⋆

⋆｡°✩ “BY OUR HAND IT SHALL BE MADE ANEW” ✩°｡⋆

⋆｡°✩ “FOR WHAT DO YOU WISH FROM THIS WORLD” ✩°｡⋆

Alright. The curtains rise, time for your cue.

𝄞 “I wish for my home to be returned, and to have the life I was denied.”

⋆｡°✩ “A DIFFICULT REQUEST” ✩°｡⋆

𝄞 “But I know the path.”

⋆｡°✩ “THEN LEAD AND WE SHALL FOLLOW” ✩°｡⋆

You feel yourself get pulled into it’s embrace, to see things from it’s view.

As reality opens wide before you, you begin your journey.

First, you must reach when the island was lost.

《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《

You rewind all the way through your life, to when you washed up on Vaugarde. Following the path your paradoxical existence lends.

The Arcana are weakened, by reaching outside the Fool’s gate. But you’ve ensured they can, and that's enough.

Now. It must be here.

You start to look into yourself, resting on the coast. You peel back the threads around you, finding traces and bits of the island. Digging, digging.

THERE.

The gate of the old summoning. The point mere seconds after they faded away the first time. But the gate is there.

You leap through.

﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀

You are in an echo of the old world. A world that still has color. A world that still has your home.

Right at it’s end. But you don’t care about that.

No, you passed through via the gate. A gate unbound by time. Even if you've been weakened further, HERE is where you can make changes that MATTER.

You need to start at the beginning. See where it went wrong.

《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《

You stare at the scene. A power-mad king, standing over the corpses of two. One you saw briefly before, performing the final summoning.

The other… is already dead. A woman with lightless hair like your own.

And the king, laughing above them, just started the cycle.

What to do. What to do. How can you fix things from here? You still have enough power to work miracles, but...

The fallen man’s quest started here, from what you presume is vengeance. But her life is already gone, you can’t bring her back. Even if you did, it wouldn’t stop this mad king. You can see in his eyes that if you leave him alive, he’ll ruin your home before you can live in it.

But with the blessing, you can’t kill him. Despite, right now, being essentially the being giving it to him, the nature of your time manipulation would make it too tricky. You need another angle...

Wait. What is.

You feel. Yourself. Nearby.

...Her womb. She… Is this your mother?

Your existence really is very tenuous. Perhaps this man’s subconscious hope on remaking the world is all that made you live. The only reason you live at all being a father's hope to see their unborn child. The only thread of truth in the Lie that was your life, held together by patchwork, coming apart if stared at too long.

Focus. Your other self is barely alive. And will die soon.

But. That might be your key.

You reach into this faint echo of you. And using them as the final thread, you-

《《《《《《

One week. You could only manage one week, with all you have. You are barely here at all.

But. That. Should be. Enough.

You search. Where is that man. The man who killed her. The man who started this all. The man who took EVERYTHING from you. From EVERYONE that stepped foot on this land!!!

You find him. He doesn’t have the blessing yet.

Perfect.

You pull your dagger from your hip. And with the last bit of your strength…

Dead.

The thread you made pulls taught, as all of reality spirals inwards towards this one single moment, dragging everything across the thread of time, inverting existence upon itself, blending both realities together in one cacophonous instant.

And you.

Fade from consciousness.

>>>>>>>>

You… you awaken. Where?….

A. Crib. A child’s crib.

You. You must be…

Did you merge with your other self?

...You did wish to have your life, you suppose.

HAH. Oh stars, this is gonna be WEIRD!!

But. Okay. It’s fine.

This means you're in the best position to make sure it doesn't happen again. That you don't lose this home again. It's fine.

You’re about 50 years late but. You got it.

Good luck Siffrin. You have a childhood to live.

[blanketorghost]

SIDE A:

I fell in love with the ideal person But as you can see They had to go And it is the love that tore apart my entire heart and soul When holding hands, In the park we kissed and tears fell On fallen rose petals And, sadly, they told me so: "I have to leave, And it's not because of me, my heart lies with you All the love of my insides, my chest and my soul I know one day I will return."

SIDE B:

It was you who said goodbye And yet tears run down your cheeks If you are going to erase even the memory of yesterday like this, That's enough. Just smile for me. I sing and sing about love, one that's out above the clouds But I can't see it with my clouded mind No, no, we talk and talk about those regrets that grow day by day, and as the night swarms We forgive each other but there's no meaning to it.

SO HEY UH. LIL SNEAK PEEK OF THEIR BREAKUP ARC???

TW: for mention of underaged sex (??? only adding this just in case bc it all depends if you think their bio ages are counting their bdays during the school year the main story takes place so they'd be 17/18 respectively but I consider them to be before the school year so they'd be 18/19)

ANYWAYS HI

I decided to make their breakup so specifically heartbreaking i myself choke up a little when I imagine the scenes I'll have to write (I'll definitely cry)

So uh.

The inevitable happens and Yuu has to leave. The days leading up to his leaving date things are very tense between them. A lot of their conversations are thinly veiled arguments about Azul wanting Yuu to stay and Yuu telling him he has to leave even though he doesn't want to. Azul thinks that he's making excuses and wants him to admit that he values his life on earth more than their relationship─ Yuu just wants Azul to understand that he has way too many responsibilities and life issues he needs to tie up before he can even think about running away with him to another dimension where he has nothing to his name and could slow Azul's progress down (It also doesn't help that Yuu never actually tells Azul just how famous and influential he is on earth). Yuu also thinks that they could try making a long distance relationship work since Idia and Ortho are working on ways to allow Yuu to reliably travel since they've already managed to make phones work, but Azul is very against long distance because he thinks Yuu would fall out of love if Azul isn't physically there to be of use to Yuu. They always get out of these fights by apologizing and just expressing how sad they are they can't be together but they ultimately never decide on anything. It's actually so stress inducing for everyone because they were in their whole honeymoon phase before this.

There's a whole going away party the day before Yuu leaves and even though it's fun, everything is very bittersweet and I even have this cute scene where Grim asks to go to sleep on Yuu's bed like how they did before Ramshackle was fixed up pre ch.3 🥺

BUT ANYWAYS before the Grim scene, Azul texts Yuu to come to his room in Ramshackle (Yuu often gifts the dorm's spare rooms to friends including Azul ofc) so they can talk about what they're going to do. Yeah well the conversation gets derailed and they end up having sex for the first time as like a way of Yuu physically trying to show Azul that he will love him forever no matter what //sobs

Thats when Grim barges in after they're done and asks for Yuu to sleep over. With Azul's permission he goes and sleeps with Grim but he still feels guilty because they did something very intimate together and if able he would've wanted to spend the night with Azul instead. Yuu ofc can't say no to Grim because he also loves him a lot, though.

In the morning then Yuu wakes up and makes breakfast for Azul as like a way to apologize for not staying over+ maybe make up and talk more about what they'll do?? but when he goes over to Azul's room he finds out that Azul left even earlier in the morning and broke up with him through LETTER.

So uhm yeah Yuu is obviously very heartbroken about all this but he tries to keep a strong face for his friends since he is literally leaving today and doesn't want anyone to feel even worse than they are rn. All while Yuu is giving his goodbyes, he doesn't see Azul and thinks he just dipped and won't say goodbye in person. But Azul actually does go at the last second and they say goodbye, trying to leave their relationship in amicable terms despite everything and despite they're both crying like babies. But then Yuu kisses his forehead tells him he LOVES HIM so Azul decides to play the bad guy and say goodbye to him for good.

Obviously he eventually regrets that decision but in the meantime,

here we are

also fun fact!! Yuu's vc is Symag (alongside others- im trying to catch a vibe) and this SONG in Yuu's canon he actually writes it after their break up so legit this song is about Azul in Yuu's universe BYE

[thelunarsystemwrites]

To all my trauma survivors, those with any disabilities, mental illnesses or more.

If you got the opportunity to magically go back and stop your trauma from happening, or magically 'fix' your mental illnesses or disability, and you wouldn't take it? You're still valid. You're valid to be angry, to hurt, to get help, to heal, to receive accommodations, just like everyone else.

I'm a trauma survivor. I wouldn't change what happened. But that doesn't mean it should have still happened.

I'm disabled. I wouldn't change that, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't get aid for it.

I've suffered from mental illness. I wouldn't change that. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed to get help and heal.

Mostly, because there's communities of people like me. People I feel connected with, people I can empathize with, people I understand and they understand me. I'm terrified of losing those communities. I feel... accepted, in those communities. I do not want my experiences erased if I was given the option.

But just because I wouldn't magically change what happened, doesn't mean I want to go through it again. It doesn't mean it should've ever happened. It doesn't mean I deserved it.

And, it could be my brain making peace with what happened. It could be a coping mechanism of mine to try and find the positive in my lowest points in life, hell, I do think that these experiences and burdens shaped me as a person today. But that doesn't justify it ever happening.

But you can't magically fix that. But if I could, I wouldn't, and my trauma and my disabilities are still valid.

And so are yours. If you've ever been asked the question, "If you could change X-" and you lied with yes, or directly said no? You're still valid. You're allowed to be... attached, to these things, and still deserve help and aid.

You're allowed to still be angry. Be upset. Be confused. Be emotional. Be afraid. Be scared. And STILL not want to change the past, to want a magic fix. You're allowed to want to heal, to get better, but not have your experience erased.

You never need permission to be allowed to heal.

It'll be okay.

You're still valid.

[justchillandshipit]

A Little Buddie Hope in all that Trama?

Last week, I had a mopey post about my worries that the show would erase Buddie from previous seasons in order to make the new storylines work with what the actors and producers are saying about the characters. i.e. Eddie is heterosexual. I'm still not sure we will get canon, but I'm hopeful because one, I found a flaw in my reasoning for that post. And two, I remembered Athena's relationship with her first husband, Michael.

In season one, Michael came out as a gay man. Not bi. He was married to Athena with two kids. He loved her. He never stopped saying that he loved her. But he wasn't "IN" love with her. At one time, he said he hoped Athena would fix him. When he learned that she had been attacked in season three, he ran to be with her when he got the call. He was in mid-conversation with the man he eventually married, and he didn't even stop to tell him why he was leaving.

If we look at Eddie, he may or may not be as self-aware as Michael. I'm hoping he is because the show has given us clues in previous seasons that would fit with this interpretation of Eddie. Within the first few episodes that Eddie is in, he talks about how he isn't dating, how the girls they met on a call weren't his type, etc. Later, Buck finds help for Christopher through Carla. He tricks Eddie into coming to his place by saying he needs help to move Maddie. When Eddie learns it was a lie, his expression is a little annoyed at first and then filters to dread. He asks Buck if he is trying to set him up. Buck doesn't quite answer, he goes to answer the door and it's Carla. The expressions that go across Eddie's face, to me, were telling. Relief, surprise, and a new look just for Buck. [I feel this is the moment he fell in love or began to fall in love with Buck.-- There is also a whole other side to those first episodes after Buck starts to accept Eddie. In those episodes, he tries to please Eddie, and he stutters when he talks. He is shy and flirty, but that's a whole different thing.]

Anyway, back to Eddie. When he was with Ana, he almost mirrored Michael by admitting that he thought things would work with them, the "idea" of them. Chris loved her so much, that Eddie thought he would too. In another episode, he talks about feeling as though he were performing. Hen gives him a look that matches the one she gave Tommy & Buck in season 7 when Buck had soot on his face. The scene moves quickly so you can easily miss it, but it's there. There are more moments than I've named here that speak to Eddie's feelings, and these are the moments I felt would have to be erased if we believed Ryan Guzman about Eddie's heterosexuality. In my previous post, I was mopey about that until I realized a flaw in my thinking.

Tim has known his plans for Buck for a while. He actually wasn't sure if it was going to be Eddie instead. (most of us know that already) Either way, he knew as the episodes were being written for season 7 what would happen for Buck and that people would be paying close attention to Eddie. Within those first episodes, Eddie talks to Bobby and admits that he married Shannon because she got pregnant and they both felt pressured into it, but he never regretted it. Even when things got bad, he loved being married to her. (again the "idea" of it, just like what he said to Ana. Also, he said, that he loved being married- he didn't say he loved Shannon.) [I need help here. Someone to meta it for me-I have a big disconnect from the way Ryan nailed that scene with Kim in the most recent episode. To bring that much emotion and tears to this scene doesn't match with what he said to Bobby earlier in the season.]

Also in this season, we have Eddie referring to his Catholic past. The church, as most of us know has a long-established history of homophobia. Eddie talks about how deeply his family was into Latin-based Catholicism. While there is no direct mention of homophobia, there doesn't have to be. He talks about reaching a certain age and saying it wasn't for him. I think an awareness of his sexuality could have prevented him from fully buying into religion. However, rejecting religion doesn't mean those toxic messages weren't still there. Those messages were alongside the pressures he received from his father as young as 10 to be a man.

** Edit ** There is a space here for Eddie's reaction to Buck coming out. Based on this interpretation, it still makes sense for him to accept Buck. This is who Eddie is. He can accept Buck for everything he is without question. Despite the hold that the church and toxic masculinity have on him, Eddie doesn't hold anyone to that same standard. He rejected it when he rejected religion, but he is holding himself to that standard, and I believe this is the main part of the story that the show has not revealed to us yet. Eddie is not homophobic. Why can't he accept himself if he can accept others? (assuming this interpretation is the correct one.) Is Eddie so desperate to have his father's love? Is it that deep well of Catholic guilt he talked about? [Will Eddie, at some point, end up in a confessional, giving us all the canon we long for? I'd personally, love to see him alone by Bobby's bedside, holding that prayer book, and confessing to him the truth. That would slap. lol]

I had forgotten that these scenes were in season 7 when Tim knew full well what was coming with Buck. This doesn't mean that he will definitely write Eddie into a coming-out story, but it does mean that he is not likely to erase the stories that made me ship Buddie in the first place. If he were planning to erase those stories, he would not still be adding little pieces to that story.

TL;DR - My logic was flawed in my last post. Buddie isn't canon, and I do vacillate back and forth about this subject but hope is not completely gone for a Buddie endgame.

** edited to add ^ ^ ^

[taki118]

Some tips for Ace/Aro characters in fandom

I've been seeing this discourse again and I dunno I kinda wanna scream my opinions into the void as an older asexual who just tired of this.

There's this weird thought that if a character is Ace/Aro its like you can't ship the character or do sexy things with them and thats not really true, its entirely dependent on the character and you just need to offer them some more thought/care than you would an Allo character/relationship.

(Also you people saying you can't ship this cause one character is ace/aro and totally not cause it directly competes with your preferred ship I see you you ain't sneaky, trying to act holier than thou nonsense)

So you got an Ace/Aro cannon character and are wondering if it's ok to ship them, well here's a question has the character expressed a strong desire to NOT be in a relationship? If yes then yeah don't ship them. IF however their opinion has not been revealed or if they just seem passive then go right ahead you aren't going against the character and plenty of Ace/Aro people do want partnerships.

Now you might be thinking "Oh so I can just do what I normally do with my ships right?" Mhhmmmmm maybe there are aspects to Ace/Aro relationships that don't differ from Allo relationships but there are more that do. You need to really look at your character and how they approach things much more carefully than you would an Allo if you don't want to erase their Ace/Aro-ness. Example say the character is rather touch adverse you shouldn't then depict them clinging to another character instead show affection in tinier ways or show that they are doing this despite their discomfort for the other character.

Another thing to avoid is focusing too much on the relationship, if you go too hard on the not having an interest before this person it can come off like they "Fixed" their ace/aro-ness and kinda borderlines a fetishy area. Avoid statements like "I never felt this way until you" and go for something more casual like "It doesn't matter to me but you do"

And here's the part people really care about ughhhhh sex. Yes Ace/Aro people can have sex some even want sex so depicting an Ace/Aro character doing sexy things isn't necessarily erasure again so long as you depict it with CARE. Again if the character in question has directly stated they are sex repulsed for all that is holy do NOT have them have sex unless you put in a LOT of work into (aka not for those new to this) But if the character is more disinterested then you can have them do sexy things so long as it doesn't cause like a seismic shift in how they view sex, don't make it "Wow this is amazing I never knew" and lean more towards "It wasn't so bad with you" Again it all comes down to the character themselves so like pay attention.

Also try to avoid the who innocent bean thing like they aren't interested therefor they know NOTHING about sex, like yes it depends on the character but if you do this too much and too like cutesy it can come off like a virgin fetish or infantilizing.

Finally yes you can depict Ace/Aro characters in sexy ways (this is more for Ace characters but I wanna cover my bases with people) but again it depends on the character some aces like to look and feel sexy they just don't like sex and others don't want to be sexualized at all, for others its a case by case bases, again if it is something the character would do or hasn't said anything its fair game.

There's no way this covers everything really what important is just learning about Ace/Aro people and putting just a little more effort in when handling them. You can still have fun with them, still ship them, being Ace/Aro is not the death sentence some in fandom make it out to be, it can even lead to different and fun dynamics you hadn't considered or explored before.

[smoooothoperator]

What A Shame

04: Human

Driver! Charles Leclerc x Singer! OC (Juliette Morelli)

Exes to Lovers, Forced Proximity, Childhood Sweathearts

Summary: memories and small confessions, what can go wrong?

Words: 2.2k

warnings: Sebastian Stan x OC, charles' dad, still angsty, flashbacks are on italics

Official Playlist

Masterlist

previous part | next part

a/n: hello beautiful people! i know this chapter is short but don't worry, tomorrow you'll have a new one!

🎤

"Juliette, can I ask you something?" he said smiling, playing with my hair.

Sebastian Stan. We flirted for a long time, working together on Marvel and now on our own new movie was something that made us be close. I knew he was older, fifteen years older, but that never stopped me. Age doesn't matter, right?

I knew he had feelings for me, but he never told me. We liked each other, even acted like a couple, but we never were one, we never talked about it. I went to his house to sleep and he came to mine to do the same. We slept together and tried to be careful so no one noticed our relationship.

"I'm not the guy of your songs, right?" he sighed, smiling weakly.

"W-what?" I frown looking at him, sitting on the bed and covering my naked chest with the blanket.

"I noticed that every year you drop a love song the same day" he smiled weakly, holding my hand and squeezing it. "I'm not him, right? Those love songs are not for me"

"Seb…" I mumble, swallowing thickly.

“Something inside of me knew that those songs were for someone else, but I just wanted to believe that you wrote them for me” he mumbled, never erasing the smile of his lips.

I looked at him, feeling my heart beating faster after hearing his confession.

"The last four years I noticed that you always stare at your red clothes" he said, brushing his thumb on my knuckles. "That you write a lot in your notebook and sometimes I hear you cry when you think I'm asleep"

I looked at him, surprised. He noticed all those things?

"Who hurt you, Juliette?" he whispered, pushing my body to his, wrapping his arms around me.

"Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc" I whisper, saying all his names, feeling how they burned my throat. "The guy of the songs is him"

"Oh…" he nodded and I could hear his heart beating under my ear. "You want to tell me? I'm here for you, you know that"

"You are too good for me, Sebastian" I whisper, feeling tears in my eyes. "You are too good for me and I don't deserve it"

"Why not? Hey, come here" he whispered, rubbing my arm and peppering soft kisses on my forehead.

"Because I won't love you" I whisper. "I won't love you because he still owes my heart and he always will. Because he's just my soulmate and even if he broke my heart I'll never stop loving him"

"That's… That's beautiful, doll" he whispered and I could hear his heart breaking. “I’m sure you two will fix things”

I have to be strong. I need to be strong. Strong heart, even if the other half of it is no longer with me, but with him.

"Leave me alone, Charles" I said, tightening the grip of the microphone in my hand. "You did it once, it is not that hard. Just walk away and don't look back"

"I won't" he said frowning. "What the hell happened to you?"

"What happened to me?" I scoffed, trying to not let the tears show up. "You. That's what happened. And if you don't want me to raise my voice and make Valerie angry because I can't sing after screaming at you, leave me the fuck alone"

"So you can't scream at me but you can scream when Lando fucked you like a whore, hm?" he said and I saw the vein in his forehead showing up. He's pissed.

But that didn't stop me from slapping his cheek. That didn't stop me from making his head turn to the side with the strength of the slap making his cheek get red.

"Don't you dare to call me that way ever again" I said angry, pointing at him with a finger.

He would never call me that. He would never call a woman that way.

I saw the shock in his face, the way his jaw clenched hard and how his chest moved anxious. Even after all these years I know how he feels by only looking at him.

"Leave" I said, trying to sound hard.

Leave before I regret everything I did.

Before he could say something else I turned around, my hand in my chest holding all the pain, and left the microphone on its stand, walking inside the building and going as fast as I could to my room, with memories running around my mind and making the tears go down my cheeks.

Why can't I forget Charles and be happy for once? Why does he hurt so bad?

All those years I played with men, using them and throwing them away like they were toys, just because I wanted to forget someone that hurt me.

Why does he has that control over me? Why do I still love him after what he did to me?

I searched my notebook, grabbing it and going through the pages and reading everything. All the pain written down on it, all the anger and fear. He's my life, I can't live without him.

I saw his eyes. The pain in them mixed with anger and desperation. The way he clenched his jaw meant that he was anxious, scared. I saw it many times.

"I can't believe I lied to him" he mumbled looking at himself in the mirror, dark circles under his eyes while trying to button his shirt.

"Love, it was for the best" I whispered as I walked towards him, the black dress moving as I walked towards his panicking figure. "You know that it made him happy, he left happy"

"He's disappointed" he mumbled, his eyes getting red slowly. "I just… God, how could I do something as stupid as that! Lying to my father while he was dying right in front of my eyes"

His breathing was quick, his nostrils moving with his breathing. The vein on his temple was visible and the naw was tense. All his body language was screaming panic and anxiety.

"Charles, love, listen to me" I whisper cupping his cheeks, wiping away the angry tears. "Your dad was, is and will always be proud of you. You are following your dreams and he's so happy for that. If you don't get the Ferrari seat this year you'll have it next! It will come in the right time"

"But…" he mumbled, slowly leaning on my touch. "I'm losing everything… Jules and now my father"

"You are not losing me" I whisper, pecking his lips. "You'll never lose me"

I stopped on that page. I wrote a song for him after he lost his father. I needed to be calm for him, he needed someone to lean on while he was breaking down. Turns out that I never released it, I never put a melody to it. I only wrote down my feelings to let all that sadness get out of my heart.

But right now, even if that song was for him after his father passed away, that song talks about me.

I hugged the notebook close to my chest, letting the words get close to my heart.

All those love songs, even if they were heartbreaking songs, were only for him.

"Juliette?"

I looked up to the wooden door, three knocks followed my name. He's out there, on the other side of the door.

"Leave" I said out loud, making sure he heard me.

"I just want to talk" he said. "Can you let me in, please?"

"The door is open" I mumbled, noticing the moment he opened the door that I said that.

I saw him walk in, closing the door behind him and standing in front of it. I could read him like an open book, still. I could see that he was nervous, that his mind was trying to find words in whatever language that comes first to his mind. I could see his eyes were asking me for permission to sit next to me on the bed. He's the same after all those years away from me.

"I tried to hate you" I said, looking down at my lap. "I tried so hard, so so hard… But it never worked"

I heard his feet moving on the floor and walking closer to the bed. But still, he didn't sit down.

"I had a lover" I said laughing sadly. "A man that worshiped the floor I walked on. That, no matter what, loved me. But I couldn't love him back"

"Juls…" he sighed, calling me by the nickname he gave me. It just made my heart break because I missed hearing him say it.

"Sebastian was amazing" I whisper, holding the notebook closer to my chest. "But I couldn't love him back. God, not when…"

"I never had a lover all this time" he said, making me feel worse than I already was feeling. "I couldn't find a woman that made me feel how you did… It was impossible to find someone that made me feel as complete as you did"

I looked at him, how he sat at the edge of the bed, close yet away from me.

"I'm sorry I called you a whore" he frowned looking at me. "You are not a whore, I just… I was mad, Juls. You just slept with one of my friends and it really made me sad"

I took a deep breath and nodded. I saw him reaching my notebook to read it. I don't care if he does, after all, everything that is inside is all about him.

"Those songs… I never heard them" he said, reading the lyrics. "This one…"

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

"Is the one I wrote for you when your dad passed away" I whisper tired. "I witnessed everything from outside, I saw how broken you were and…"

"And I kept going on" he whispered, his fingers caressing the black handwritten words. "I kept fighting for a seat that made my life a hell"

"Charles I didn't want to say that…" I frown looking at him, how he smiled weakly.

"But you were right" he nodded. "You are always right. You always told me that red is the meaning of danger. Yet I never listened to you… If I did none of this would have happened and we could be already married like I promised you"

I looked at him surprised. He remembers. He remembers the promise.

"I was so blind, so selfish" he frowned, focussing his eyes on his hands. "I wanted to win, to fight and be the best out there. I wanted to be the first driver, be someone important for Ferrari. I wanted to be a legend… I wanted to be what they called me, il predestinato…"

"You brought them wins, Charles…" I sighed reaching for my notebook.

"And they brought me misery, insecurities, anxiety…" he said looking back at me. "You know, I had a season where I thought I could be a champion. It was in 2022. I thought I could fight, that I could be a world champion"

"I read it, yeah" I nodded, making him raise his eyebrows surprised.

"That season started amazing, I started winning the first race with Carlos next to me" he smiled weakly, sitting on the end of the bed comfortably, smiling like remembering a dream. "I fought, I had podiums… but then I started to fuck up everything. Ferrari started to destroy every chance I had to be on top of the podium. They fucked up my races, making me doubt myself…"

I look at him and swallow thickly. Maybe if I begged him to stay he would be better. Maybe it really was my fault for not fighting for us. I could have made him a better man, he could have someone next to him to support him.

No. He decided himself that he didn't want me by his side. He pushed me away and made the decision alone.

I took a deep breath and closed the notebook that open on the bed, holding it on my chest.

"But still, you've got what you wanted" I said, my voice coming stronger. "You've got two championships, as I heard"

"Yeah, but…"

"Will you please leave? I have to get ready for lunch" I said, getting up off the bed and opening the door for him to leave.

"Juls" he frowned looking at me.

"Don't call me like that ever again" I said, biting my lip, holding the door handle tighter. "I'm not yours anymore. You lost every right to call me like that"

I saw his eyes getting wet, red. I can read him like a book and I hate that. Because I know how he feels right now and it makes me want to hold him.

He got up and walked out of the room, and I just closed the door before I saw him turning around to look at me. I can't let him win this time, I can't let him have whatever he wants. He was the one that wanted me out of his life.

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow

[wildissylupus]

Alright I saw someone post about people misinterpreting Gabe being an ex-cop and it got me thinking....

And you know what happens when I start to think...

So this person pointed out that Reyes left the police force and joined the military right after he realised the corruption within the police force and that nothing he did effected anything. This is a cycle that repeated up until Overwatch, which is what Doomfist used to manipulate Reyes. This person is correct and I think the reason why this isn't pointed out more is because of how bad "Code of Violence" is written. I stated before that what upsets me about CoV is the fact it brings up so many interesting points but it's bogged down by the shitty character writing and the lack of focus on those points. This is one of the things that is heavily effected by those problems.

Reyes saw the same corruption time and time again to the point when he talked to Akande he was already at a breaking point. The thing is though is that a big part of Reyes's character in this aspect is that he sees the corruption in the police force, in the military, in Overwatch, but what he doesn't look at is how he's contributing to that corruption. Reyes is said to have been "hard on crime" when he was a police officer, which might seem good on the surface, more criminals locked away means less crime right? But that's not how it works, and it actively ends up benefitting the corruption within the police force. Him being harder on crime didn't do anything because Reyes himself was contributing to the corruption. This cycle repeats up until a very important moment.

When Gabe hires Cassidy.

Now I have been on record saying that Cassidy did not have much of a choice in joining Blackwatch, it was either that or a high security prison, not to mention he was around 17 at the time. I have also been on record saying that Blackwatch was not a health work environment. However, that doesn't erase the fact that for Cassidy it gave him an out, gave him a chance to do something other than crime, it had many downsides but it still helped Cassidy.

And it's also something Reyes had never done previously, give a criminal a second chance. This is a positive turning point for Gabriel's character, and it would continue to be positive until Moira and Genji, Genji because he really shouldn't have been hired in the state he was in, both physically and mentally, and Moira for very obvious reasons.

The thing about Reyes when I first started thinking about this is that I noticed he tends to over correct, he saw what he did with Cassidy made a change, something that hadn't happened before, and then proceeded to give a chance to people who either shouldn't have been given one or should have been given a different chance. Then when that (literally) blew up in his face, he went back to what he was doing before, being hard on the people he thinks deserves it.

The saddest thing about this is the fact that if he had just talked to Cassidy, someone who is a confirmed victim of the systems in place, he would have gotten some insight on what he was doing wrong. But another thing about Reyes is that he's stubborn, combining that with the fact he tends to underestimate Cole. Instead of looking for advice, something Cassidy would give him, he ended up pushing him away.

And this leads me to my last point.

This continuous cycle of recognising corruption, trying to fix that corruption, ends up helping corruption spread, leads to Reyes becoming Reaper. Leads him into becoming the thing that he was fighting against, because he is now helping an organisation that directly benefits from the corruption of the world. An organisation determined to make history repeat itself. A history Gabe lived through and saw didn't actually have that much of a positive impact other than to the people who actively benefited from it, aka, the rich and well connected that exploit other people and get away with it.

Honestly I don't know why I haven't taken a better look at this until now, it is so interesting to look deeper into.

[flowers-in-bloom13]

Another pjo fanfic I made and posted on AO3. This one is still being continued. Here are all the 3 parts of it!!! Btw it is Valgrace. And hurt/comfort<3

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Chapter 1. lonely hearts club

''--and then I said 'he's literally just a guy. hit him with your car' but it turns out she doesn't have a car so--'' Piper said, retelling an old story from the wilderness school. ''huh?'' Jason said. ''sorry I didn't catch that..'' Piper looked at him with a concerned expression, her eyebrows furrowed. ''you okay, Jase?'' she said. ''you've been zoning out a lot recently..'' ''yeah...yeah I'm fine'' Jason said trying to reassure Piper with a smile. ''if you say so..'' Piper tried to erase the concern from her face.

~~~~~Later that evening~~~~~

Jason was laying in his bed , starting at the celling contemplating his feelings...his feelings for Piper. ''do I really love her?'' he thought.

''oh no...why......why am I questining this? of course I love her!'' but did he really?

his heart felt lonely.

Chapter 2. Jason's google search history: Am I gay, Am I gay quiz, how to know if you're gay.

Notes:

SOMTHING IMPORTANT: in this fanfic Leo made phones and tech and things that don't attract monsters. why? because plot. ALSO: this goes for the whole fanfic but I'm really sorry if/when any of the characters seem ooc.

also a note to all my friends: if I ever get isekai'd you better be coming with me.

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Jason was understandably confused about the situation. ''I don't know what to do anymore...'' he thought. ''I should- I do like Piper...right..?''

why was he so confused. It's his feelings he should know how he feels, it's what he thinks. if only it where that simple...

Jason sits up and takes out his phone and goes to google. ''am I gay'' he types.

he's far too scared to press search, so he deletes it. he lays back down. staring up at the celling again.

contemplating his feelings. ever since the bitch Hera erased his memory he's not known which of his feelings are real and which are not.

does he love Piper? he's been wondering that for awhile now. he keeps ''zoning out'' because of it. Jason decides to google it anyway. ''how to know if you're gay'' he types but he's too scared to actually look at anything that comes up.

he types ''Am I gay quiz'' he clicks on the first result, its a buzzfeed quiz. he takes the quiz. he gets his result. ''Traditional labels are meaningless!'' he reads the description. ''"Gay," "Straight," "Male," "Female"... There's a lot more to the world than those blunt terms encompass! You get to define yourself, and you're free to celebrate your sexuality — or lack of — however you choose! Hurrah!'' Jason reads it, his heart beating, ''oh.'' is all that escapes his mouth. he hears a thump -the Stolls summoning a demon again, probaly- and gets scared and closes the tab and deletes his search history.

'Maybe I should go see Leo in bunker 9'' Jason says aloud.

~~~~~At bunker 9~~~~~

'Hey, Leo...I hope you don't mind me barging in here..'' Jason says closing the door to bunker 9. ''oh hey, Jase!'' Leo says with a grin on his face while he works on fixing the argo 2.

''sooo.....'' Jason doesn't know what exactly to say. he can't just come in here and say ''oh hey, man, I'm not sure if I like my girlfriend anymore, oh also I might like men.'' well...technically he can...

''soo...erm....I need to talk to you about something'' Jason says hesitantly

''oooo got a secret?'' Leo teases. ''you could say that..'' Jason replies.

Leo realizes that this probably isn't the time for teasing. Jason and Leo sit down on the floor next to each other.

''I...I'm not sure if I liker Piper anymore...'' Jason explained. ''In fact...I'm not sure if I ever liked her at all..'' ''hm...well that's a....problem...'' Leo replies. Jason looks down toward the floor. ''yeah...it is...''

''This might sound crazy but.. maybe you should tell her?'' Leo explains. Jason looks back up at Leo. ''but...I.. she'll be sad or mad..'' he says. ''She'll be happier if you do tell her'' Leo says. ''you think so?'' Jason asks hesitantly. ''I never think, Jase'' Leo replies.

~~~The next day~~~

Piper is enjoying the picnic her and Jason are having in the strawberry field. Jason...not so much...he's dreading telling Piper that he may not love her. ''It's such a beautiful(Selina beauguard much?) day, the clouds, the blue sky, the birds chirping, Clarisse threatening to kill Percy..'' Piper exclaims. ''yeah...it is...'' Jason replies ''you okay, Jase?'' Piper asks. Jason takes a shaky breath and looks down. ''the truth is, I'm not fully sure if I....If I like you'' ''Romantically I mean! I do know that I like you but only...as a friend, maybe? I'm still not sure yet...'' Jason explains ''oh...that's...erm....'' Piper says ''I'm glad you're figuring yourself out, Jase'' ''you're not mad?'' Jason looks surprised, maybe even a little shocked, ''you're not mad?'' Jason asks in surprise. ''No. I'm not'' Piper said. Jason starts to tear up. ''I love you, Pipes, I'm not sure if it's romantic or not but I love you'' Jason says. Piper pulls him into a hug. ''I love you too, Jase, I'm glad you're starting to figure out who you are after...Hera'' Piper smiles lovingly at Jason.

Chapter 3.

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Jason was laying in his bed, wonding, how Piper was so kind and supportive of Jason maybe not loving her romantically - until he heard a knock at the door of cabin one.

Jason got up and opened the door. It's the Stoll brothers. ''Hey, Jasie!'' said Connor...or Travis. it was impossible to tell. ''erm...'' Jason exclaimed ''what are you doing here? and so late as well, It's what 10:30?''

The Stoll's looked at each other and laughed, then looked back at Jason.

''well we're having a...'event' over at the Hermes cabin!'' said one of the Stoll's. ''and we're here to invite you! trust me, there's alcohol!'' said the other butting in.

*so that's why they where laughing...* Jason thought, *wait...Alcohol...*

''uhm...I think I'll have to skip this one..''

''but...!'' the one on the left said, ''You can't skip itttt!'' the other one sarted to speak, '' yeah! you can't! come on Jasiee. stop being such a party-pooper!''

Jason sighed, ''fine. I'll come to your party...'' ''Great!!'' exclaimed one of the Stoll brothers.

Jason wasn't enjoying the party all that much so many...drunk people.. It remined him of his mother. she was always drunk

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I'm obviously not the best at writing...also for the "am I gay" quiz result,

I took an actual "am I gay" quiz and answered how I think Jason would and copy/pasted the result... Also I'm sorry it's so rushed- I just really want to get to a certain part. Also my username on AO3 iz "W_itch_With_A_B" if you want to find me on there. Also I wrote the fic in the early rif the morning...it's currently 00:23 rn actually!