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New Moon in Capricorn: Musing on Dark Ages
When was the last time you took a break?
For me, it had been too long by the middle of December. It had been my intention the entire year to take a significant amount of time off during December to celebrate my baby's first Christmas.
I'm glad I had set that intention in advance. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have taken it. I would have told myself that I couldn't afford to take a break, and that would have been a big mistake.
It's a strange thing, the way human needs work.
There comes a point when you have gone so long without meeting a need that you don't even think you have the need anymore.
People who are starving don't get more and more ravenous. They eventually reach a point where they don't feel hunger. Even if they start to eat again, they can't dive in all at once. They need to start slowly, remember how to eat and digest.
When you go too long without an intellectual rest, similar things happen. Competence wanes. The well of inspiration goes dry. Your work gets harder. The results are sloppier, more and more derivative.
This bothers you, at first. Then it stops bothering you. Once it stops bothering you, you're in a dangerous place. Extreme starvation has its own momentum. It takes an outside force to intervene and keep you from limping along forever.
You might, from time to time, look back at things that you've done in the past with awe the way Dark Age Europeans looked at the ruins of Roman architecture. You know that you aren't capable of those great things anymore, but your curiosity is gone. You don't have the will or the courage to ask yourself, "Why are these things beyond me now? What would it take to get back to my full strength?"
Dark Age Europeans told themselves that the world was once inhabited by giants.
Did some part of them remember that they had been giants once? Did they ever wonder if they were just tired, or if they had fallen into decline?
They couldn't see the universities and cathedrals their children would build. They could only look behind with the certainty that they would never build Roman aqueducts again.
Maybe, they didn't think about those things at all. Maybe they told themselves that thinking about the past was a distraction.
Eventually, we know, they got back to work, meticulously copying manuscripts in a language they could no longer read, because, once upon a time, someone believed the task was useful.
The Dark Ages are a useful myth.
Recent historical scholarship suggests that the Dark Ages weren't as dark as we were once lead to believe, but the story of the years between the fall of Rome and the rise of the Renaissance persists because it is an important cultural myth.
The Dark Ages remind us that time moves in a circle and a line.
Rome is gone. Its language is dead, and its monuments are ruins. It is no longer possible to walk across the continent on Roman roads, and Roman tax collectors can no longer compel you to pay for their bureaucracy.
Rome is gone, but you can trace your finger along the arc of history and find empires that rhyme.
Some histories jump through time from monument to monument, empire to empire, but that isn't an accurate picture.
Human energy rises and falls, waxes and wanes like the moon. There are times when we active and growing to new heights, and there are times when we rest and decline.
Often, we are doing both simultaneously in different areas of our lives.
New Moon in Capricorn: Darkest Moon in the Darkest Season
I am writing this just before the New Moon in Capricorn. I am back from vacation, but I am still tired.
In the northern hemisphere, this is the time when the moon's cycle and the sun's cycle align. We are at the darkest phase of the moon's monthly cycle at the darkest phase of the sun's annual cycle.
It's time to be tired. It is time to rest.
Are you resting? When was the last time you really deeply, truly checked in with your heart? When was the last time you really asked yourself what you're hungry for?
I have rested enough to know that these are the questions I need to be asking, and I will be using Moon Mood Workshop to ask them.
If you are where I am, I'd like to invite you to join me.
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Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?
I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?
In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".
Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.
This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.
Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.
The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.
[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]
There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.
This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.
[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]
As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.
But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?
Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.
#transgender#trans history#transsexual#transphobia#Magnus Hirschfeld#holocaust#holocaust denial#book burning#j.k. rowling#jk rowling#just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :)#trans people have always existed#and we will always exist#if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit#queer history#queer#lgbt+#lgbta+#lgbt#lgbt history#edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month#also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it#it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs#and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had#also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2#Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices#considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived
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yes I'm now on the other side of top surgery and I'm allowed to lift things again 💪 You might have already seen this one on my substack -- did u know you can subscribe to my substack for early access to comics like this?! Sent directly to your email inbox??? FOR FREE????? (there is also an optional paid tier for exclusive bonus content for five bucks a month but like 80% of my posts will be free and publicly available) ty ily♥
#top surgery#trans#nonbinary#gendequeer#lgbtq#queer#gender#transition#dysphoria#cw: dysphoria#cw: nudity#cw: mental health#disasters and other genders#transition stories#journal comic#autobio comic#personal
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Art dump (1/2) for today!
#mushyrt#2ha#erha#dumb husky and his white cat shizun#二哈和他的白猫师尊#I do so many comics in Insta’s story format#and it’s so compatible with tumblr’s long posts#sad thing is that it lacks punch when transitioning over#but at least it looks good! 😭#erha spoilers
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Izumi of Jang Hui died young. She was sixteen and unwed. A kind child, protective and lonely—thus unfit for this world.
Izumi of Jang Hui was murdered. The Painted Lady was born out of hatred and grief. Her skin is painted red with the patterns of her scars. Her home is the river where the Dark Water Spirit dwells—he who found her, drowned and beautiful.
Build shrines by the river and pray for her good will. Harm her land or people and pray for mercy.
#atla#avatar the last airbender#the painted lady#atla izumi#the blue spirit#zutara#painted lady#dark water spirit#Izumi#blue spirit and the painted lady#blue spirit#new gods au#Spirit Touched! Zuko#zuko#katara#zutara au#fire nation#New Gods AU lore#Listen. LISTEN.#I have SO MUCH LORE FOR THE PAINTED LADY AND THE BLUE SPIRIT#THE LITERAL SPIRITS#kyoshi warriors au#Jian Li#Jian Li aka the original Blue Spirit found Izumi right after she died. He saved her. Made her transition into a spirit possible and smooth#The patterns of her war paint follow her scars'#Mainly so I can throw Through the Eyes of a Child's lyrics around because they'll always fit. “Scars we cover up with paint” and all#Anyways. Izumi is my child and she must be protected. I have SO many ideas for her.#I wanted her story (and Jian Li's but I'll talk about that one later) to be poetic in a sense. Especially when seen through the lense of her#story and what it means to Zuko. There's a reason it's her war paint he wears in the Kyoshi Warriors AU.#And don't get me started on the New Gods AU!
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Transitional phase
#isat spoilers#act 6 secret encounter#inspired by loop and loop adjascent designs by sharkylass and wonder-of-the-stars yay yay yay MY BRAIN EXPANDS ily guys#i think at this point im sure i'll never settle on 1 post-story loop design so i think they probably phase in and out of a human form#which is still mostly their own body but they regain some functions like the ability to eat and also their face and clothes#now with inbetween stages i guess?! i just thought it looked cute honestly. im playing. with my touys.#it's probably not fully in their control how they look at any given time. but they definitely stay stuck in star form for a while.#and get better control of keeping the 'human mask' on longer the more they practice#u can sort of see their eye scar in the transitional phase but it bursts out into the bright star that covers the eye in human form#in stars and time spoilers#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#my art
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there are no strings on me
#a 2023 one...to be completely honest I don't really read the stories so I'm not sure if their relationship is still Bad#I just went off vibes#ensemble stars#enstars#natsume sakasaki#tsumugi aoba#my art#not splatoon#I haven't really drawn much splatoon recently I'm wondering if I should transition this blog to just my art or go back to being splatoon#my twitter is pretty much just my art already anyways
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Something something Max Jagerman prevented Pete from shooting his shot with Steph when he was alive by beating him up and then prevented Steph from shooting her shot with Pete as a ghost by stopping the fucking bullet she was trying to shoot him with
#the true transition from normal high school bully story to oh god oh fuck here comes the supernatural with a steel chair#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#max jagerman#stephanie lauter#peter spankoffski#original post#does this make sense? i don’t know#do I care? maybe. I get anxious about these things#npmd
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Something I love that some trans people do is talk about their pre-transition selves with no context as to their transition.
Like, if a trans woman talks about her past by saying, "when I was in Boy Scouts..." and never elaborates that she's trans and that there was a time where she was a boy scout. I just think that kind of normalization is great (and honestly, it can be funny when others are like "a GIRL in the BOY scouts?????? My life is changed")
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#i think normalization can/should look like being able to talk abour yourself pre-transition without couching it in 'i am trans. i am trans'#like that's not the focus of the story obviously!!! let the women talk about being in boy scouts without fear and explanation gddamnit!!!
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Saturn-Neptune Conjunction: Let's Do Real Magic
There's a scene in the television miniseries Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell that makes me cry every time I watch it. The York Society of Magicians has challenged Mr. Norrell to prove that he is capable of doing practical Magic (aka casting spells). He offers to perform some magic, but in exchange he wants the magicians of the society to swear that they will stop claiming to be magicians if he succeeds.
All of the magicians sign the contract except for Mr. Segundus. He gives a short, pitiful speech like a mouse caught in the rain. "Magic is my life, Sir. What will I do when it is taken from me?"
Lately, when I look at the magical scene, I feel a lot of despair. Magic is everywhere, and magic is nowhere. The marketplace is full of snake oil salesmen selling bottles of greed. I am so disgusted that I spend more time than I should looking up at the sky and trying to figure out which planet is most likely to come in like a storm and sweep it all away.
Like Mr. Segundus, magic is my life, but in my better moments, I am certain that I would give it all up if it meant that the sacred things were no longer profaned like this.
I'm not the only one who smells change in the wind. In quiet corners, astrologers whisper about the upcoming Saturn-Neptune conjunction.
"This is when astrology will stop being popular. Tarot decks will be left to collect dust in attics. The New Atheists will rise again, and materialism will reign supreme."
Predictive astrology isn’t my jam, but there’s something to the theory that Saturn and Neptune coming together will be the death of magic.
Saturn is all about getting back to brass tacks. It’s all about the real. The provable. When Missouri decided to be the Show-Me State, they were channeling Saturn. One of the expressions of Saturn is materialism because material reality will hit you over the head whether you believe in it or not. Gravity doesn’t care if you like it. It’s stronger than you, and it’s going to do its thing.
When Saturn hits Neptune, the planet of magic and spirituality, it’s possible that Saturn will obliterate the magical landscape. The charlatans and frauds will be revealed for what they are. People will become disillusioned, and the zeitgeist will wake up from magic like a bad dream.
If there is nothing to what we do, that is how the story will play out. We will look back at this time the way we look back at the “what’s your sign, baby” 1970s. Magic will return to the fringe corners of the metaphysical section, and many brokenhearted people who bet on the magic bubble will have to find something else to do.
That isn’t the only way the story can go. As I write this, a pair of ravens has started screaming at me through the window. (This is a thing that happens to me when I’m writing something good.) It’s possible that they’re just doing raven things, but there’s a story in which the ravens aren’t just criticizing the temperature of the water in the bird bath. I love the more magical story, and I have seen enough evidence for it that I have bet my career on the belief that magic permeates the material, that rational and mundane explanations aren’t all there is. I believe this so strongly that, like Mr. Segundus, magic is my life, Sir. It gives me hope that magic won’t be completely swept away in the Saturn-Neptune tide, that another story can play out, a magical story that bears some interesting similarities to Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell.
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell begins in a magical dark age. As far as anyone knows, no magic has been done in England since the Raven King disappeared 300 years ago. Then Gilbert Norrell inherits a fortune and dedicates his life to making practical magic respectable again. When the magicians of the York Society challenge Mr. Norrell to display his power, he has been studying magical books for decades, trying to understand how magic is done, so he can do it himself
(spoiler alert)
He succeeds. He performs feats of magic that are so extraordinary, the gentleman magicians of the York Society look pitiful in comparison. When the truth comes out, no one is able to mistake Mr. Norrell’s magic for the scams of the charlatans selling false prophecies and fake spells on the street corners in yellow curtained tents.
(This isn’t a classist story. There is a vagabond magician who is legit. In the end, he is given the respect he deserves because he is able to prove that he knows his shit.)
I don’t think it’s an accident that the Saturn-Neptune conjunction happens at the end of Saturn’s time in Pisces. Saturn in Pisces is all about taking the things that we wish were true and making them real. Astrologer Austin Coppock has pointed out that Saturn in Pisces times have traditionally been times when fantasy stories with worlds rich enough to live in have been created.
You can’t open a portal and step into Middle Earth, but I’ve seen stories like The Lord of the Rings work real magic. There was a period in my life when I was deeply depressed, and the only thing keeping me going was my extended edition of The Lord of the Rings DVDs. I was in college, and I would finish my classwork for the day, and I would turn on the movies and knit on the couch until my husband came home from work. When I got to the end of the trilogy, I would take out the last DVD and start the first one all over again.
From the outside, I’m sure my life looked deeply sad. (I was deeply sad.) But I am convinced that The Lord of the Rings is the only reason I was able to plow through that time and get a degree. Without that degree, I couldn’t have gotten into the MFA program that introduced me to Rachel Pollack and her books on tarot. Tarot led me to therapy, and that was when I became aware that I had spent most of the previous decade on a slow walk into a life in which depression isn’t running the show.
Saturn in Pisces is a time for creating stories of enchantment. We need them more than ever to slow-walk ourselves out of Dark Ages.
In short, this is a moment for doing real magic.
If we rise to the challenge, I believe that we don’t have to be afraid of the Saturn-Neptune conjunction cleaning house in the magical world. When Saturn shows us the real thing, the knock-offs always look pitiful in comparison. Then, we will all breathe a sigh of relief as the frauds and scenesters are swept away in the tide, and we’ll live happily ever after. The end.
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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this is me, wbu?
#top surgery#transition stories#gender euphoria#gender#trans#nonbinary#genderqueer#transmasc#comics#autobio comic#journal comic#personal#dysphoria#gender dysphoria#lgbtq#queer#disasters and other genders
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Previously... | Next
#ts4#indya#black simblr#a little palate cleanser as we transition#ts4 story#sims 4 story#simblr#ch25#real hot girl shit
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a villain’s journey
#scum villain's self saving system#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#finally read through the official localization.... it sent me right back to where i was when i first got into mxtx in 2019#back then my art was kind of in a transitional period so even though mxtx had me making art like crazy i didnt like much of it#and nowadays my mxtx tl on twt has all but vanished... but once again these books have rejuvenated me creatively#and i feel like ive progressed enough to do justice for how these stories make me feel. and properly scratch that creative itch#anyways. i hardly ever ramble in tags like this but im so emo about these books and i finally feel creative again#so i hope this is able to spread that joy...! sort of. ehe
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Hot take:
Crosshair does not have the Imperial disillusionment and redemption arc of The Bad Batch
Emerie does.
Crosshair has an arc for sure yes but it's not that.
I was thinking about this scene:
and how it got right what this scene kinda didn't:
(It was so close but then bad writing decided to undercut the moment with a joke rip)
And I think it's really interesting that these characters who were more or less raised into the Empire/First Order and chose to leave it are all directly asked why.
But take a look at Crosshair's answers in comparison:
Different context for the asking, yes, but still, compare that to clones like Howzer, Cody, Slip and Cade who left or turned against the Empire because they knew what the Empire is doing is wrong and they weren't just going to blindly follow orders:
Crosshair - Loyalty, Purpose, and Survival
Crosshair didn't choose to join the Empire (though the show isn't very clear or consistent about how much control the inhibitor chips have) but he did, for whatever reason, choose to stay. By the end of S1 we know his chip has been removed and as he definitively says "This is who I am." There were likely still other influences on his decision, but listen to how he talks about the Empire in the S1 finale:
Hunter: Crosshair, I've seen what the Empire is doing. Occupying planets and silencing anyone who stands against them. You know it's not right. Crosshair: You still don’t see the bigger picture, but you will. Hunter: Can't you see they're using you?
Crosshair: We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior. The Empire can’t protect the galaxy without strength, this is what we were made for. Think of all we could do, together!
Crosshair: You all are meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It’s time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again.
Hunter: They destroyed an entire city! Crosshair: They did what needed to be done. Kamino, regs, the Republic, that time is over. The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it. Hunter: Don't fool yourself. All you'll ever be to them is a number.
He undeniably knows what the Empire is doing, but he does not care. In fact it sure sounds like he actually supports it and finds self-meaning in it. Hunter spends those episodes trying to convince him it's wrong, he doesn't change his mind. In the end they offer him an out and he doesn't take it.
Wrecker: You coming with us? Crosshair: None of this changes anything. Hunter: You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours. Crosshair: I made my decision.
The next we see Crosshair in "The Solitary Clone" (S2:E3) he follows orders and shoots the Desix governor, right after Cody heartbreakingly tries to do what's right and find a peaceful solution.
Cody: Tell me something, Crosshair. This new Empire, are we making the galaxy better? Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.
After this (glorious!) conversation, Crosshair stays. Maybe this began to seed some doubts, but he actually smiles a few scenes later when Rampart assigns him another mission. It seems like for him it truly is as he said in S1:E1 (chip not enhanced yet but still influencing him enough for his brothers to notice he's acting strange):
Crosshair: Republic, Empire... what's the difference.
Crosshair: Orders are orders.
This unethical mission that finally pushed Cody over the edge does not change Crosshair's mind about the Empire, at least not enough for him to take action.
But what does?
Mayday: And here we are, the survivors. Combat troopers stuck babysitting cargo shipments. Crosshair: Mission’s a mission. Mayday: Yeah, I used to say the same thing.
Mayday: After all the clones have done, all we’ve sacrificed. We’re good soldiers, we followed orders. And for what?
This mission has nothing to do with how the fascist Empire treats the galaxy, it's about how they treat their soldiers. It's about how Mayday loyally fought and served his whole life and Lieutenant Nolan let him die
Lt Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire. Crosshair: You could have saved him! Lt Nolan: Perhaps you didn’t hear me, he is expendable, as are you.
Crosshair thought he could find purpose within the Empire, and Nolan shows him exactly what that will be.
His turning point is accompanied with this powerful visual of the ice vulture, a symbol (and threat) of death, and also set up within the episode a symbol of survival:
Mayday: Vicious creatures, but you have to admire ‘em. They find a way to survive.
This critical moment (that gives me chills, oof this episode is a masterpiece!) comes right after Nolan calls him expendable and directly threatens him:
Lt Nolan: And if you speak to me again with such disrespect I'll see to it you meet a similar fate, clone.
then Crosshair sees the vulture's shadow and turns to Mayday's dead body (ahh visual storytelling my beloved) then makes his decision:
Crosshair turns against the Empire not because he believes Hunter was right about this:
Hunter: I've seen what the Empire is doing ... You know it's not right.
but because he was right about this:
Hunter: All you'll ever be to them is a number.
Redemption (both in fiction and irl in my humble opinion) comes with making amends and reparations (which is why death 'redemptions' bother me so much but that's a rant for another time). Unlike Emerie, Crosshair never explicitly denounces the Empire or his own actions within it. He never says anything to specifically show if and how his views have changed from what he said on Kamino. He makes amends with his family (sending the warning message, helping Omega escape, making up with Hunter) but that's about it. The most we get in terms of acknowledgement is this:
Crosshair: I thought I knew what I was getting into with the Empire. I thought I was being a good soldier. Hunter: Nobody really understood what was happening back then. Crosshair: I’ve... done things. I’ve made mistakes. Hunter: I have regrets too, Crosshair. All we can do is keep trying to be better, and who knows there just might be hope for us yet.
Which is nice and all but it's more about them making up as brothers so it's way too excusing tbh ("no one knew what was happening back then" ummm? "The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it" remember? And even if at first Crosshair was being controlled by the chip, the fact that he chose to stay after it was removed* means he condones and is therefore still accountable for those actions).
There's also a bit of self-destructive guilt:
Crosshair: Omega, don't risk anything for me. I belong in here.
Crosshair: Omega needs you both. So I’m doing this alone, it’s what I deserve. Hunter: Don’t even think about plan 99, Crosshair. Omega needs all of us.
(which thank you Hunter for pushing back on the death redemption bs and oh look is that a wrap up for the purpose thing?)
But there's no action taken on his part to make up for what he's done or to stand against the Empire (aside from the bare minimum of help with Tantiss, only after it became personally relevant, which like yeah he had trauma to deal with but still).
While I do think the implications/follow-up of Crosshair's turn should have been handled better in S3 (like rip Howzer! he deserved an apology, but that's a rant for another time), I don't necessarily** think this arc is a bad writing choice. It's just saying different things than we expect:
Maybe Crosshair's story is not about standing up against an unjust system, like we see with many other characters (who deserved more screen time but that's a rant for another timeeee). Maybe his story is about how even those who are loyal to the Empire, who actually believe in it, still suffer under and within it's rule. Not to garner sympathy, but to show that there is no winning.
Crosshair has another 'so what changed' convo in S3:E14 with Rampart, in which they draw parallels to each other:
Rampart: You used to believe good soldiers followed orders. Crosshair: Depends on who's giving them. The Empire betrayed us both. Rampart: And you think you can fight them? That's not you. You're like me, loyal to no one but yourself. Crosshair: I've changed.
(note how he says who's giving the orders, not what the orders are)
"Loyal to no one but yourself" describes Rampart much more than Crosshair, since we often saw Crosshair pride himself as a loyal soldier of the Empire whereas we saw Rampart abuse power to be self-serving within the Empire (like when he killed Wilco to save face). But they were both betrayed either way. Vice Admiral Rampart, snively Imperial opportunist through-and-through, shouts "I was following orders!" as he is arrested for the Empire's purposes. (Edit: and where Crosshair rejected the Empire and found new purpose fighting for his family, Rampart was still self-serving in the finale. He still tries to gain power for himself and he gets his comeuppance).
Even Hemlock, the final boss immoral Imperial scientist, who has to be benefiting the most from this system, echoes the expendability idea:
Hemlock: What I am working on is beyond your understanding. Something so vital to the Empire it makes me indispensable.
Then there's CX-2, also set up as a parallel/foil to Crosshair (fight me), who in the end is discarded as no more than a weapon, a tool that served it's purpose, showing us what would have become of Crosshair if he had stayed.
There is no winning in the Empire. Loyalty is not rewarded, it "doesn't go both ways." Everyone has to fight for their value. Even high ranking individuals** who for a time benefit from the injustice, in the end are just pawns to be used up and cast aside at a whim for the Emperor's gain. Even people who are motivated by self-interest alone cannot survive within this system, the only viable option in this galaxy is to fight the Empire and dismantle that system. (unless you conveniently find a magically safe island to hide away on but that's a rAnT fOr AnOtHeR tImE)
Which brings us back to...
Emerie - Cooperation, Compassion, and Choice
(Okay this post has already gotten away from me but I still want to talk about her to show the contrasts.)
Emerie may not have been given a lot of screen time to really flesh out her development, but there is a lot that is pretty clearly implied with her:
Crosshair: They’ll never turn her [Omega] over. Hemlock: They don’t have a choice. She is a clone, and therefore Imperial property. *Camera cuts to an angle more centered on Emerie’s face*
Crosshair: Give me your access card! Emerie: It won’t get you outside!
Emerie: I tried to warn him what would happen if he did not cooperate with the Doctor.
Emerie: Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing. It will take time to adjust, but you will acclimate. It is far safer in here than out there.
Emerie: You should go back to your room. Crosshair: You mean her cell?
Emerie: Why children? Hemlock: Children are easier to attain and more agreeable to the subjugations. They are unaware of why they are here and what they possess.
Emerie: They're children. Like I was... Was your plan to discard them too? Nala Se: The Empire will keep them in order to control them.
We don't know a lot about Emerie's background, but it's clear that she had a lot less choice than Crosshair and less opportunity or ability to leave. Unlike Crosshair, we never directly hear Emerie's views of the Empire (and she was most likely 'taken under Hemlock's wing' before the Empire even came to power), but lets look at how she talks about the Tantiss:
"Remain calm. Cooperate and you might survive."
"Don't make this worse, Crosshair! There is no escape!"
"All of us serve a purpose here."
"The Doctor will inform me, if it's necessary."
"It's best not to ask questions."
"Escape is not possible, Omega. This is for your own good."
She honestly does the best she can within the system she is also trapped in. She tries to help Crosshair, Omega, and the vault kids in the only way she knows how (warns Crosshair about the hounds and security, tries to protect Omega from Hemlock, tells Scorch his "actions were extreme" with Jax, insists on overseeing Bayrn's retrieval, double checks his m-count (to give him an out), and tries to find out where he came from). When she gives Omega, and later Eva, the doll, I think it shows just how little she really is able to do here (and it's kinda heartbreaking imo).
The framing of this shot especially (after Jax's escape attempt) visually shows how Emerie herself is trapped/imprisoned:
Despite the fact that very little of this is Emerie's fault, she has very little power and she is doing all she can, the narrative does not excuse her role in the Empire:
Nala Se: What will you do, Emerie? Emerie: There is nothing I can do. I don't have that kind of power. Nala Se: Don't you?
Emerie: I- I was doing my job. Echo: Yeah, I’ve heard that before. You’re a clone. How can you be part of this?
These fighting-the-Bystander-Effect conversations parallel these exchanges:
Hunter: We made a choice, and so did you. Crosshair: Soldiers follow orders. Hunter: Blind allegiance makes you a pawn.
Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.
which did not change Crosshair's mind. And honestly, all respect to Echo's disappointed mom glare™ but I think it's clear Emerie had already made her decision, she just needed help to actually be able to do anything about it. When she stopped Echo, with her voice wavering on the verge of tears (ahhh v good voice acting), she clearly had no intention of turning him in. She's on her own in the Empire's most secure facility with very little resources, if she had tried anything on her own she most likely would have failed and been killed
Omega: Emerie, you don't have to do this. Emerie: (sigh) I’m sorry, but I do.
but as soon as she is enabled by an ally, she immediately turns around to help: giving information and getting Echo through security, helping the kids escape, and giving Omega the tablet that allows them to free the other clone prisoners.
Where Crosshair's turn is accompanied by the symbolic imagery of the ice vulture, Emerie's is the removal of her (literally rose-tinted!) glasses:
Symbolizing how she has shed her previous views/indoctrination that altered her perception of the Empire and blinded her to it's wrongs. It's disillusionment.
Emerie's story shows us that even those who are raised and indoctrinated into this system can, should, and will escape (with needed help). Even those who did not choose to be apart of the Empire and are not making the decisions still have the responsibility and ability to act on what they know is right.
Emerie, whose name means 'Home strength' 'Brave' and 'Powerful', and "reflects the importance of leadership and authority in the workplace".***
While Emerie is only in one more scene after her turn, so the wrap up is a bit rushed, she still very simply does what Crosshair does not:
Emerie: Because I was wrong about this place. And I'm trying to do the right thing.
Echo: I’m sure Senator Chuchi would find what you have to say very helpful for our cause. Emerie: I have a lot to make up for. I’d like to help out however I can.
She admits wrong, takes accountability, commits to making amends, and leaves with Echo to go take on the Empire (which hopefully we will get to actually see more of some day).
So, in short, she's showing us how redemption is done right!
---
Notes:
*Whether this writing choice was good/logical/in-character or not is another discussion entirely, but I'm going off of what we were given, what the show is presenting in the canon text and (reasonably inferred/intentional) subtext. Crosshair is pretty multifaceted and I could only touch on so much here. There's a lot of ways to interpret his character/choices, but I tried to avoid the realm of speculation or fanon explanations (even if they sometimes make more sense lol).
**History and political theory are not my area of expertise at all, so I have NO idea how well this aligns with real-world fascism stuff and therefore what implications this storytelling choice could have. I think the message of like 'if you think you could survive or gain power by doing what the Empire/fascist system wants you are wrong' could be good (like how everyone is actually harmed by the patriarchy type of a thing), but I hesitate bc maybe there are those who would benefit, since it's a hierarchal system, right? If anyone more knowledgeable than me has incite to share, by all means
Either way, I do think it works in-story and in-universe though. It's just in the execution. The main problem (even from a strictly theme/character arc stand point) is the lacking follow-up/consequences for Crosshair in S3. Like you gave your character accountability by removing the chip and I think that's great setup for an arc but you gotta follow through with that and actually hold him accountable!
***I'm always curious when clones have 'normal' names, like why did they chose the name Emerie of all things? So I looked it up. Idk how reliable sources are for name meanings so take it with a grain of salt but it's still fun. Fits pretty well, and clones names have definitely had significant meanings in the past (like how Rex and Jesse both mean 'king') so I'm pretty sure it was intentional.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my tedtalk
#this fandom has been SLEEPING on Emerie's arc yall!#like look at her I LOVE her#I was kinda neutral about her on the first watch but now i'm realizing just how sad and scary her story is#she's honestly pretty cool and interesting as a character and i do hope we get to see more of her at some point#also the outpost is such good writing ahhh if only the whole show had the same quality#sorry crosshair girlies your blorbo is kinda a fascist?#like we don't judge a character based off who they were/what they said at the BEGINNING of their arc#they have to start somewhere to end up somewhere else#it's how well the writing executes that transition that matters#but also where did he end up? really :/#star wars#the bad batch#tbb analysis#tbb critical#those rants may come we'll see#star wars finn#emerie karr#tbb crosshair#arc trooper echo#captain howzer#commander cody#commander mayday#tbb cx 2#writing#writing pet peeves#character analysis#redemption arcs
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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