#Transcribed bc someone asked me to

[transmasccofee]

Panel 1

Teruhashi: huh, Saiki? Wha- YOU’RE REALLY HURT?!

Panel 2

Teruhashi: hey, um,, I can usually handle stuff on my own, but I think I need to take you to a hospital. 

(Small text next to Saiki’s head says *pat pat*)

Teruhashi: here, lean on me so we can catch a train, ok?

Panel 3

Saiki, mumbling: shouldn’t a perfect pretty girl be good at first aid…?

Panel 4

Teruhashi: I do know first aid, but I’m pretty sure you have internal blee- 

Teruhashi (cuts herself off): WAIT ARE YOU MOCKING ME?!

Panel 5

A/N above Saiki reads: (saiki is) completely zooted from pain and exhaustion

Saiki: …no, not really. …why was your dying thought about me?

Panel 6

Flashback of teruhashi saying “i need to make Saiki say ‘oh wow’”

Teruhashi: …

Teruhashi: what do you mean

Panel 7

Saiki, internally: Shit.  What. is wrong with me. 

Panel 8

Saiki, mumbling again, clearly bullshitting: uh, I mean, you said you needed to wow me still, so, 

Panel 9

Teruhashi, internally: FUCKFUCKFUCK HOW DID HE HEAR THAT IM GONNA KMS HE WASNT EVEN IN THE ROOM WHEN I SAID THAT FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK WHAT THE FUCKK

teruhashi, externally: oh, you heard that..?

text next to the mini Saiki speech bubble reads: *nod*

Panel 10

Teruhashi: oh, 

Saiki: …

Panel 11

Saiki, internally: that worked, but now she’s flustered, so I’m not going to get an answer to that. Which is fine, it’s not like I need to know, though I am curious as to why she’d think of me, of all people. 

Panel 12

Teruhashi: honestly? I- I don’t know. 

Saiki, internally (surprised that she’s actually answering): oh?

Panel 13 

Teruhashi: it’s stupid, but…thinking of you made me feel like everything would be ok. There’s something about you that just…is comforting. It’s like Kaidou said, it feels like you’re protecting us…

Panel 14– (monologue cont. from panel 13)

Teruhashi: I don’t know what actually stopped the meteor, but I keep thinking it was you somehow, like just thinking of you made it all ok,, I guess that’s pretty dumb, but…

Panel 15

Saiki, internally: no, you- you’re right. How?

How is that possible?

Panel 16 

Saiki, still internally (tearing up): in your eyes I have done nothing to deserve that feeling…so, how?

…

How do you even guess something like that?

Teruhashi, shocked: S-SAIKI?!

Panel 17

Teruhashi panicking thoughts: “I broke Saiki” repeated over and over in background 

Teruhashi internally, layered over the background thoughts: What the fuck did I just do

really simple sketch but i like the idea that since he was still readjusting to his powers stopping the meteor fucked him up a little. mentally and physically

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) breaking down how obsessed Andrew is w/his sister bc he's a repressed lil liar and I'm going insane

This post got longer than I intended it to

1. He claims they don't spend enough time apart from each other to even begin missing her so he doesn't even know if he would, but just earlier in the game he was apart from her for probs like 30 mins tops to investigates some cultists and guess what???? He was already missing her 😒

2. Says "I thought you grew out of this touchy-feely crap" when Ashley asks for a hug, but earlier when he was cooking dinner, he was the one with the inexplicable urge to "pull this broody bitch into [his] arms and force her to stay until she smiles" 😒

3. Piggy-backing off the last screenshot: WHAT OTHER THOUGHTS, ANDREW??? yOU WERE JUST THINKING ABT HUGGING HER. WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN. THESE ARE SIMPLY INNOCENT BROTHERLY THOUGHTS ARE THEY NOT????? 🤨🤨🤨

4. Bro just can't keep his hands off her. And everyone thinks Ashley's the clingy one jeez (lol the way he springs apart from her when Mom catches them is definitely definitelyyyy not worth analyzing. nope. not even when it happens a second time on the couch. nope. nooope)

5. What. What is he thinking here. Don't think I don't see those grey lil blush lines. Is this connected to my third point somehow bc like... 🤨😬 Is "Andrew" is gonna start doing and being what "Andy" was too spineless and afraid of doing?? That's what the vow was partly abt right?? Does that include—

5. WHEWWW BOY that little flashback with his gf has so much baggage in it I just wanna dissect. His girlfriend's tryna have a serious discussion with him abt his weird sister for the sake of bettering their relationship bc she genuinely loves him, but he just gets caught up in fondly talking abt said weird sister instead??

6. He's awfully hesitant abt Ashley learning some independence, bc y'know what?? I think he doesn't really want her to stop relying on him. But what do I know y'know

6. Wants his gf to put tie her hair up in a ponytail, then when she refuses bc he'll pull on it, says it's just "how boys express their love". Well. You know who else puts there hair up in a ponytail??? You know who else's hair he's always pulling on and touching???

7. The voicemails in his gf's phone left by Ashley are heard by him in his dreams, and his dreams are a construction of his mind utilizing his memories, personal hangups, and knowledge of Ashley. The voicemails irl were left on his gf's phone, and for all we know, he never actually listened to them in person. Bearing this in mind... odds are the things Ashley's saying contain bits of truths he believes within himself, filtered thru her crude, hateful dialogue.

Here. I transcribed one of them...

"DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? Just because you can fuck him and I can't? You think that's love?! Are you fucking delusional?? Cumdumpsters like you are just that. He will never love you. Not like he loves me. I am the only one. I am everything. I am the secrets you'll never hear. When he lies in bed at night, and when he needs someone to hold on to… It's not you he seeks out. It is me."

8. Claims Ashley's the one with the jealous streak, not him, but I think he's just as bad. The only difference is that Ashley's never given him reason to act on it since all she's ever wanted was him, but at the slightest mention of her gettin it on w/someone else, even as a joke, he gets mad. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!!" he says, when she's jokingly contemplating getting knocked up via the neighbor so an ambulance would come for her. "I wouldn't let them," he says, when she's complaining abt not being pretty enough for the wardens to bang her

9. Going hand-in-hand with that fact, he's intensely protective of her. Didn't hesitate to cleaver the warden who found her in the closet (probs didn't even BLINK lmaooo he chose VIOLENCE), and when the cake-stealing cultist insulted her just once, he stepped forward just like that

10. In their apt, when they were lying on the floor talking abt jumping off the balcony, he was really caught up in the "romantic" fantasy of them committing a double suicide and dying with their bodies entwined so irreparably by the impact they form one unified corpse "never to be separated!" and they get buried in the same coffin together. UM??? Bro fr thought he was the sane one of the two. That wasn't even true before the cannibalism and demon summoning ����😭😭

BONUS:

11. This might just be me, but his reaction to seeing the post-sex vision doesn't strike me as someone who's inherently opposed to the idea. Instead of disgusted, he was... flustered?? He acted like she walked in mid-guilty pleasure wet dream. This wasn't a "GROSS THATS INCEST" reaction which is... the most normal reaction to have. That's the face of a man that got CAUGHT bro.

He asks "we're not like that, are we?" and "why are you like this?" and questions the veracity of the vision, but he never actually explicitly denies wanting the vision to happen, more focused on Ashley and her reaction. He buries the elephant under the rug as fast as he can, bc yeah, it struck a landmine, but it probably wasn't a landmine for the reason Ashley thinks it is. I bet the vision just hit a little too close... :P

[red-might-be-dead]

Hello red! I hope you're enjoying your holiday! :D

Thought I'd ask you bc you seem like someone who knows a lot about this fandom - do you know where I can find transcripts of jrwi episodes? I REALLY want to read the script of Riptide like its a book, please tell me there is some insane person who transcribed the entirety of Riptide and made it accessible to the public

oof i don’t know if there is… although i think if you check spotify you can look through the transcript there (there was an autogenerated transcript for the suckening on there so i assume that there’s one for riptide, although it probably won’t be very accurate) sorry i couldn’t be more help :(

[k-s-morgan]

hi ks!! hope you're doing well. i absolutely love your hannibal meta posts, and while i have no idea if youd still be open to any asks, id love to hear your insight on something im stuck on (im also rly new to analysis so pls forgive me for any dumb comments!!) tw sa mention

in the hannibal s3e13 script when dolarhyde attacks will in his hotel room, there are a few lines with notable word choice:

"postcoital" "terrible lover's embrace" it threw me off a bit bc i didnt expect such specific wording. is this scene an allegory for sa? i wasnt sure if this was just the norm for hannibal scripts or if this was something noteworthy.

as far as i understand dolarhyde is now terribly jealous of will for being the subject of hannibal's love and angry at being emasculated. lots of ppl also say dolarhyde wanted to "change" hannibal by ruining/"defiling" the one thing (will) he truly cared for.

everything seems to makes sense, but i dont know if im making something out of nothing, or oversimplifying it. do you have a take on this considering your opinions on the francis hannibal and will dynamic? id love to hear anything you have to offer!! ty for all you do <3

Another ask: hello!! so sorry to bother again, happy late birthday!! i was judt wondering if you got my ask about the will + francis scene in the script---totally ok if you dont wanna answer it! i would just love to discuss it because i couldnt find much discussion for it when i tried searching tumblr/google

--------------

Hey! Thank you so much for your ask and for your wishes <3

So, 'Hannibal' scripts are indeed famous for having rich sexual imagery. In this specific case, there is also context. I don't know if you've seen this already, but there is indeed evidence that Francis had sexual interest in Hannibal (apart from other kinds of fascination). From his notes made for the show, this particular bit (transcribed by Bentley):

“I think we are so similar and could be the best partners that history could have seen. Let me show you what we could do together doctor. I am so eager to please you to be your friend your lover perhaps. Why not I think we could love each other doctor. Don’t you want to have someone that is the one in your life. That special someone that is always here for you. It is me doctor? I am!”

Here’s an interesting part about Will as addressed to Hannibal:

“He faces you, he traps you but in the end he is broken! Do you think he understands you? Do you think he really appreciates your magical power? Does he realize how special and unique and wonderful you are doctor. I have my doubts, I don’t think he really sings the wonder, the salvation that can come from following you, knowing you. ”

That’s extremely interesting because it gives a much deeper insight into Francis and his motivations. For one thing, one of the phrases that always bothered me in the show is his description of Will - namely, the mention that he’s “not very handsome”. It’s from the books, so it might apply there, but Will in the show is handsome, very much so. Francis seems to resent him.

After Hannibal basically helps Will get to Francis in the museum & some more events later, Francis grows furious because he realizes that Will is the central player while he, Francis, is a pawn. Hannibal doesn't care about him the way he thought.

Francis’ attitude to Will undergoes some changes: at the start, he touched his photo, which denotes his interest. He threw him away like a toy in the museum, and while it’s just an interpretation, to me, he looked pissed at Will in particular. When he tells Hannibal later that Will interests him, it can’t be just from their museum encounter. Francis clearly knows a lot about Will (likely from Freddie’s articles), but he doesn’t like him because he thinks him unworthy of Hannibal, which his notes prove. But in TWOTL, in the moment you mentioned, Francis is very unsure about Will. He is no longer certain what to think of him (since he thinks Hannibal has chosen him). He automatically treats him with some sort of respect because of who he is to Hannibal and what he must represent.

I think this explains how they chose to describe the scene of the attack. It's not necessarily a sexual assault, but violence frequently has erotic undertones in 'Hannibal.' Here, Francis might be trying to look at Will like Hannibal, like a lover, hoping to understand what he sees in him. He's respectful and almost reverent at some points after Will regains consciousness. In his eyes in these moments, Will is Hannibal's partner, the man who has what Francis wanted.

Notably, this respect turns into fury in the finale, where he attacks Will viciously. Interesting that he goes to ruin his face first and foremost. Considering his own insecurity, it says a lot about his many-layered jealousy, from deep to a superficial physical level.

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

📻📻📻 going to be greedy and ask for one from each - Celia, Elena and Georgie

aww tyy Dujour!! Georgies under the cut bc i got self indulgent with how much of the lyrics i transcribed for the second

Elena: Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father / Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers / Leave all your love and your longing behind / You can't carry it with you if you want to survive

this holds the honor of making me think of Elena every time i listen to it<3 its the song to me about her feeling just before leaving, the happiness chasing her being her chance to get out, and the horses being Passione, with their group being the 'dogs' and the horses replacing them. also just oughhhh the lines above... she spent her childhood running from love to survive but now she has to really leave her friends behind- for the financial security of her family, her mother father sisters and brothers. its her song and oughhhh Elena 😭😭

Celia: Mindless Violence by The Partisans

Fight fight fight your so hard/ Dr martin boot your ace card/ kick kick kick looks so good/ whos that lying in a pool of blood/ its mindless violence all you need/ cause when it comes to make me bleed/ really see whats wrong with you/ what your doing is nothing new/ what makes you think that your so great/ when it comes to deciding people fate/ when in a gang is always right/ has gotta fight and have some fun

[sorry for the long lyrics but its hard to decipher from the song and i think all are relevant to celia]

this is Celia's stands name before Human Algebra, and it fits who she is at that point better, angry and violent and very mindless in her violence- where later she becomes very calculated. the song is also an excellent criticism of who she is/becomes, someone who decides peoples fate with violence when she shouldn't [and shes not doing anything new, its the same old violence]

Georgie: Winter Mist by The Firepit Collective

among the silent hills/ a ragged army of free arty folks/ stand against you armed with what is true/ your power is obsolete/ no more of you will come through

this speaks to the very end of the game to me, especially with the framing of free people vs machines, but also anything involving the Free Crusaders, [a ragged army of free arty folks] as well as one of the songs Georgie would 100% sing to give inspiration- if he could- and the second half is his anger at the cultists and those who betray freedom and hurt the wild and nature.

i imagine most of his body going eerily still while playing this, his eyes, not just glowing but seemingly aflame, as something almost other speaking through him, vibrating his entire body with the righteous fury of so many

[jusst-you-race]

sooo just a thought bc of the other ask about Lando's chat reacting and stuff... technically a twitch chat is a chat so like, it'd fit the bill of a "chatfic" right 🤭 and you could simply transcribe the chat messages. just had to think of it when I read that ask and your response tho!

anon you are so right and this is definitely something I’ll be considering… I think the only reason I’m not 100% sure about this is introducing outside people??? I know it’s just a twitch chat but it’s still like… a different format and different people… dunno! maybe I’m overthinking it, and it would work well

the other thing I’m debating is someone messaging one of the groups to be like “you need to watch Lando’s stream his chat is being so funny right now” and then they copy paste chat messages into the group so we get to see what chat is actually saying without me feeling like I’m breaking my own ‘rules’

actually I might have just solved my own problem there! side note, if anyone wants to submit usernames for possible future chat things (either their own or fun made up ones) I might make a post about that at some point

[enlighten3d]

the way that. spoke describes the whole parrot trivia game arc is. so funny. lemme transcribe this one sec

"no, i uh, manipulated him- (mapicc: "thats cuuuute!") i manipulated him for like, weeks at a time, and then eventually lead him to some reward, and i revealed there wasnt a reward, and i purely just did this cause i was bored and wanted to take my anger out on someone..." (mapicc: "oh yeah, you do that to... everybody") [...] "me and parrot were like- well- whats- i had a lot on anger on my plate from wemmbu, i had to take it out somewhere, and it made sense alright."

im. this so absurdly funny bcs he just summarised that so quickly (and didnt even mention the whole wifies aspect of it) and. bro doesnt even care HKLDSFG ITS LITERALLY NOT IMPORTANT TO HIM THAT HE DID THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIMMMM

he. it took so much asking from mapicc for spoke to finally explain, he does NOT want to acknowledge his wrongs HSDFKLHJGSDF

pokes uu!spoke

what is up with him....

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

sorry I need to transcribe this small piece of family drama bc it’s resolved now and it’s hilarious to me.

Before I came out to my brothers as nonbinary, my mom tried to slowly introduce the concept of “you don’t know who’s queer, so you shouldn’t say mean things about queer people”.

What she said was “You never know; somebody you love in this family could be gay or something. You just don’t know."

My youngest brother is very literal. Very, very literal. So he took this to mean "somebody in the family is gay and I need to find out so I can know".

Which resulted in him asking me a couple weeks later, fully out of pocket, "Is (cousin) the gay person in the family? Mom said somebody I know is gay." For context, I just happened to mention their name in conversation bc of their job. We were not talking about queer people before then.

We had a conversation about not outing people and why it's dangerous to tell somebody if someone else is gay without their permission.

Here's the thing.

They are. the only other family member I know to be queer.

He unintentionally clocked the one person who might actually be gay.

[karlmarxmaybe]

ASKING FOR ADVICE TO HELP AN ABUSED CHILD

I know of a trans Canadian child whose parents are transphobic and abusive. He's at high risk of self-harm. I don't know much info about him (name, specific region of Canada he lives in) bc I only know him from his youtube channel. If you know how I can help him, please answer or message me. Details about the situation below.

TW: child abuse, neglect, transphobia, CSA, suicide attempt

Hello. I recently found a very tiny youtube channel that posts gameplays, tiktoks and clips of animated shows. It is run by a teenager (I don't know his age for sure) who makes community posts talking about his terrible life situation. He is a trans boy and his parents are very transphobic, they actively gaslight him and tell him nobody cares about him, they forbid him from talking to people and are actively infringing his rights. He also talks about being repeatedly sexually assaulted and abused by classmates at his school, in 4th grade. His mother's husband installed a camera in the living room and it makes him feel unsafe. He shows signs of PTSD and has attempted suicide various times. He needs immediate help.

I tried calling Canadian child servicies but they need to know for which region of Canada I'm calling and I don't know which region he lives in (I only know he's located in Canada from his youtube info). I am trying the Canadian trans helpline but it's always occupied. I don't know what else to do.

Please, someone who knows how I can help respond or message me. If you don't know how to help reblog so it can get to someone who knows. Please, we have to help him.

I have transcribed some of his posts below so you have more info. Again, trigger warnings for child abuse, neglect, transphobia, CSA and suicide attempt.

Post from a year ago:

I always thought that no matter how bad things got at home i would still have school and i wouldn't really get hurt or touched but not anymore | guess. So last Wednesday a boy classmate of mine kneed me on the butt and when another classmate confronted him he just played it off as a joke then today durning second recess a girl in the other __th grade class came up to me randomly and slapped me on the butt and when | told her to stop and leave me alone the boy from last Wednesday came and kicked me on the butt then the girl came and slapped me on the butt a second time and then ran. When | tried to tell a teacher that was on duty she told the girl that she's not in trouble and to just talk it out with me. Worst part of it is | thought of her as a friend and multiple people were telling the girl to leave me alone.

Post from 10 months ago:

Just found out my parents secretly his acamera in the living room and now | feel,unsafe? Now, idk if unsafe is the right wordbut once | saw it | started getting anxiousalmost immediately. | know it's just a camera and it's in the living room instead of a bedroom or bathroom but still, there shouldn't BE a camera anywhere anyways.

Post from 9 months ago:

My mom and her husband keep acting sexual with each other, which isn't unexpected, they're two adults who are married to each other but what | mean by this is they'll act sexual almost anywhere but alone in their room, mostly in the kitchen. So lately whenever | go into the kitchen whether it be because they called me or both my siblings name making me think they want me or because I'm hungry, and when | see them being sexual with each other, my mom blames me because "| should know better" then tells me about doing explicit stuff with her husband then gets mad at me for being upset

Think of what | said like a AITA reddit post, I basically just want an opinion on the situation

Post from 3months ago:

does anyone else feel like they're going insane due to their parents? turns out that a shit ton of the stuff my mother has taught me is just all bullshit lies that have ruined my life in so many ways, and my stepdad constently tells me that he's going to kill my cat and if i had blue eyes then my mother would love me. and that's not even mentioning the phsyical abuse or anything i've repressed. it all feels like torture but i have to deal with it because everyone has it worse then me and what if i tell another adult? they'll have to get CAS involed then i'll get taken away and put into a worse home and i'll ruin my siblings lives and the entire family all because i was selfish. but what if that was just another one of my mothers lies and it's none of that willhappen??? but what about all those damn documentaries and shows my mother would make me watch of other children that had been put into terrible foster homes?? that means it can happen to me if i don't keep my mouth shut but i feel like i'm slowly going insane and i don't know what to do, there's nothing i can do! do i deserve this because i'm a bad child? or was a bad child? was i bound to live like this? did i do something wrong again and i just can't remember it again??? what do i do??? what have i done??? i don't know anymore and i want this to all stop but the only way to stop it is death but that'll be selfish because what if someone finds my dead body??? what if there's still people that care about me??? then it'll be cruel to end myself when people still care about me because i'll make them sad. i've already ruined so many people's lives while alive i shouldn't continue it while being dead. or is that also not true? is none of it true? is everyone but my parents the ones that are actually correct? i really can't tell anymore and that hurts the most

Post from 3 months ago:

what do I do with transphobic parents?yesterday i had to be with my parents for about 8 hours as my mother screamed at me and told me a bunch of terrible things because she found out i want to be a boy and she refuses to see me as one. some of the things she said is that wanting to be the opposite gender is a mental illness, how she feels like i killed her daughter. she straight told me that she will never accept me and that no matter how much i care about someone nobody really cares about me and everyone will just forget about me in a few years and how the ONLY people that care about me is my mother and step-father. she also forbids me from talking to anyone but i luckily have a secret computer that I've been using to talk to a friend. do i just have to accept all of this? is there anything i can do? i'm not old enough to move out and there's no one outside my household that i can stay with, even if there was my mother would just put up a huge fight having me go back anyways. | don't know what to do, i mean as long as i'm not getting physically hurt then I should just accept basically being mentally tortured, right? | just have to survive 4 more years then i can move far away but i just wantto die more and more everyday, and i was getting better when everyone at school was being accepting but yesterday my mother destroyed all of it. honestly I'll be surprised if I'm still alive in 2 years, and I'm really trying to continue living for my 2 best friends and my cat but if my mom's correct and they don't actually care about me then what the hell's the point. i don't know anymore, please can anyone give me a sliver of advice on how to deal with any of this

Post from 1 month ago:

Sometimes I wonder if both my parents loved me and treated me like human being, raised me with human decency, just like they treat everyone else.

How different would I be? Surely I'd be better, right? Hypothetically? It doesn't matter anyways, | want to die so much I've already tried three times this week and when | tried to ask my mom for a therapist she said | don't need one, she literally signed me up for some sort of waiting list thing and when | finally told her | got a voicemail to call back she told me that | don't need one and started to guilt trip me. | fucking need it, if lanyards didn't snap open easily then | would be dead. The only reason I'm still alive is because the lanyard snaps open whenever | try to hang myself with it and I'm too tires to go searching for something better. | fucking hate this, I'll try to kill myself one night then go to school the next day as if I wouldn't be dead if it weren't for a stupid lanyard. It's stupid and I'm just making people concerned whenever I'm acting "off". Nobody would be concerned about me ever again if | was dead. How many things can | YELL before they finally listen to me? How many things do | have to do before they notice or know? And those statements, or questions, go for everyone in my life. It doesn't matter how much | ask for help or simply show are yell about how I'm not alright everyone just keeps doing what their doing and won't listen until about an hour later of me trying to show I'm upset someone finally notices and | say that | was literally yelling at them and they still didn't even notice me, when that happens they feel bad and start to apologize. For SOME people it now just feels like empty apologizes, while for others | know they have a hard time paying attention especially when someone already has their attention so they get a pass because it's not they mean it. But still. At this point does it really matter? | have a job, a purpose if you will, and that is to protect and care for everyone. But some people | don't want to take care of. | don't want to keep taking care of grown adults who hardly take care of me, but | still have to because | know them. If | die I'll only feel bad for my cat and my 2 best friends. I've lost everything else that made me want to live. My little cousin's, my grandpa, | hardly see my Nana and my mom's cousin/ my "aunt” anymore. | promised to myself that | would protect my cousin's and now they're god knows where and everyone else is some other reason, the worst part might be that they're not dead, they're still alive, | can cope with death much easier than abandonment.But it's whatever. It's life. You lose people and eventually you die. So what's the point anymore? | could kill myself during summer break and nobody but my family would know. At least my friends wouldn't be worried and sorrowful

Post from 3 weeks ago:

My parents took away my mattress, my bedframe is bars, | have no where to sleep buton a broken couch that someone has masturbated on SEVERAL times

Post from 4 days ago:

| hate remembering stuff so much, I've taught myself to forget all the bad memories, so much so that I'm quick to forget even the good memories. But now lately whenever | try to use my method to forget stuff | just remember more. | don't want to remember more. | hate it so much. | don't want to remember all the time's I've been SAd at school. Why the fuck do | have to remember that. | hate remembering what happened each time. | hate remembering being surrounded by several people and all they did was STAND THERE AND FUCKING AS | CRIED AND SCREAMED AT THEM TO STOP. | FUCKING HATE THAT | HAVE TO REMEMBER IT. THEN BEING BLAMED FOR CAUSING A SCENE OR TOLD THAT IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT, A MISTAKE. IT WASN'T A FUCKING ACCIDENT. THEY WERE TOLD TO LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE HAND. THEN WHEN THEY ACTUALLY STARTED SLAPPING MY ASS AND | SCREAMED AT THEM TO STOP THEY FUCKING DIDN'T ALL THEY DID WASLAUGH. so it wasn't a fucking mistake. Infact they would've kept going and it would'vegotten worse if | wasn't saved by the bell. The people | was hanging out with just stared and watched. Out of all the time's I've been SA'd at school only ONE person has even tried to help me, Olivia told D to leave me alone beforehand because she knows | would never want that, especially unexpected and by someone who | hardly knew, even when D and M wouldn't leave me alone Olivia was trying to also scream at them to leave me alone and when the bell rang she ran over to me, put her hand on my back and led me over to our doors, led me up the stairs and helped me to find the French teacher because | trusted her. That was the only time someone tried to help. Not any of the times in 4th grade, and that shit went one everyday for 3 months! And at no point did anyone help me on track and field day, despite being surrounded by so many people all they did was watch or look the other way when | was pinned to the ground and being touched inappropriately by TWO people. So of course | had to fight to get back to standing. And when a teacher finally came over because | was screaming and crying,despite telling them what had just happened they just gave me trouble for causing a scene. | fucking hate all the people that touched me the way they did. | hate that people just stood there and did fucking nothing. And | fucking hate the teachers that just waved me off and said it was fine. | fucking hate remembering shit that | want to desperately forget

[sukugo]

looks like i am jumping off anon 4 this bc picture but !!! i was writing ab how it’s funny that i watched a series bc of u (tumblr user anakincito now knivash) and how trigun is just . So Good (u can see the @ where i’ve transcribed ur user) also hatemail n diary anon reveal ?? (love ur blog !!!) n also i’m starting trigun 1998 (u can see the 1998 there too) so excited 4 that !!!!

AAAAHHH U KNOW ID KINDA FIGURED OUT IT WAS U HAHAH i had my suspicions but then u changed ur icon and i was like hmmm 🤔👀, and then u sent me the meryl ask (which i was literally just answering) and i was like OH, yep that's u definitely, and now u've confirmed it hahahah <3333

but that's sooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ig being in someone's diary is not really a crazy thing but it still feels so… esp as we're probably so far away from each other. like …. we're just random ppl on the internet but we still exist to each other and infuence each other…like u watched smth bc of me!!! that's crazy crazy…

im really so happyyyy that u enjoyed tristamp so much!!!!!! it really is so good!!!!! i hope u have fun with the og anime!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 it's very different to stampede but it's very fun (OH PLUS, meryls got a gf in it 😌)

[v8nom]

random question: what are ur favorite twice ships and their dynamics to write??

(and btw i absolutely love everything you’ve written btw like esp ur hurt/comfort self harm series like i eat that shit up and reread it when i’m having a rough time :) and ur also REALLY fucking good at writing smut like ur the entire package)

ah anyway hope ur doing well!! thank u!!

!! first of all tysm! I appreciate it <333

Also mmmm that's a good question, tbh my secret is that the method of how I write can only be described as receiving a vision from a god and desperately trying to transcribe what I see into words . if that makes sense. So the *goal* is to think deeply about dynamics n all that good deep stuff because I notice when other authors do that and I love it, but in reality . I don't really do that much . Or maybe I do on some level just not super consciously. (adding a read more for those who don’t care and don’t wanna scroll)

Sorry you probably weren't going for that with your question! Big fan of the misamo dynamics both for hurt/comfort and for smut, because imo sn and mn can either be needy and whiny as fuck or seductress vibes/Mean. And I've been on this puppy mm thing for a bit bc of things I've read, but I forget if I've always thought that way. In the hurt/comfort world of things, something about me likes to project onto mn (sorry to her), and mm and sn I feel are Good with emotional things, sn in the talking and shes good at comforting way, mm in the way she's just , kinda puppy actually lol. (omg I can go on and on abt sn if u wanna hear it). Jh with anyone is fun to play with, because you can either go leader vibes she's in charge/she knows how to help, or she wants to give up control/she's hiding her pain because she wants to be a good leader.

I hope that answers it! u were probably talking dynamic in general but in the visions i receive (lol) they tend to be either hurt/comfort or smut so I can speak to that. Also can u believe I actually wrote more for this and had to cut it out .. apologies if u wanted a quick and easy answer ! But if you wanna hear more about someone or a dynamic specifically, please ask. Thoughts tend to come to me when I'm prompted so hit me the fuck up.

I hope you're doing well too anon! thank you for the ask <3 also sorry for having this sit here for 4 days, I've got plans and drafts TRUST I wanna keep this acct alive and well, unfortunately things got super busy but hopefully after the next week I should have more time!

[andro-dino]

how about some thoughts on juno and kite digitalvalentineshipping. like first meeting, first battle, that stuff. they’re silly and stupid <3

you have no idea the door you just opened shekel

digivalen my beloveds <333

- The way I imagine Juno’s intro going really makes em stand out. I wanna draw it out hopefully one day so I’m not gonna transcribe it out too much but her biggest kind of thing is the way they’re like “I don’t like to think of a battle as a fight. It’s a conversation we have with our beys” and that really particularly sticks with people. His and kite’s first battle is what kinda establishes their dynamic of juno teasing kite and being able to fluster him and catch him off guard, though also entertaining him and listening to him more than most would usually. I think one of the biggest scenarios I enjoy with them (coming from their original ref sheet) is the case of kite going on one of his science and data and perfection rants and juno laughing at that and telling him “You’re real funny, Mr. Perfect!” and that really catching him by surprise. Both because that’s not a reaction he’d ever expect, and also because Juno’s the only person besides himself to actually refer to him as Mr. Perfect. I think juno would pull what you’d probably expect, basically asking him how much of his heart is in the battle if all he’s focused on is data and what he’s actually feeling in the moment, general back and forth with that and some juno-isms, and I think eventually kite ends up winning, but as juno smiles and says he looks forward to seeing him again, he realized that they weren’t trying as hard as they could’ve, and suddenly kites interest is sparked and he can’t stop thinking about her.

- I talked about this way way back and I don’t think I’ve mentioned it as much recently but I am obsessed with the idea that juno asked kite out like 10 times before kite realized she was actually serious. For his credit, juno is kinda cryptic with her flirting, but seriously there’s only so many times you can go “this is just how she teases me! he’s just trying to make me embarrassed!” before it becomes obvious.

- Part of that I think would also kite having NO idea how to deal with being attracted to someone. “He’s so intriguing. The fact that he wasn’t giving it his all bothers me. Was he patronizing me? The way they smile and stay calm bothers me. Why do I want to challenge her again so bad? Why are they so frustrating? Why does it excite me that they keep talking to me?” (<- clueless)

- Ren and juno become fairly good friends and the first time she found out about Juno’s crush was when suddenly juno went “That Kite Unabara… he’s real interesting, huh?” and gave a lil smile and walked away and ren just took a moment to process that and went “NO. OH GOD NO. J U N O. KITE????? REALLY???????”

- She makes fun of them every single time they bring it up but did kinda help wingman when she was trying to ask him out (mostly by going “Juno I know he thinks he’s smart but he’s such a dumbass you have to like actually smack him across the face and tell him straight out pls”)

- Oh my god yk that also made me think, one of my hcs is that ren and kite very occasionally get along for the sole purpose of teaming up to make fun of Zyro and Shinobu for being corny but as soon as kite gets with juno she’s just like “nuh uh. no. you don’t get to participate in this now you hypocrite.”

- I really don’t think I can talk enough about how much kite would love using pet names. He’s suuuuuuuch a loser and juno loves em so he’s just constantly throwing out new ones. He folds immediately once juno reciprocates that though.

- While juno usually is very calm and the one leading the relationship, he has his very rare moments of crumbling bc of kite. Kites their dorkass loser boy most of the time but occasionally he can do or say something that just makes them so weak.

- Big moment for Juno was when kite first introduced them as his partner to eight. She knows how much they care about each other and she becomes so concerned with making sure that he makes a good impression. She’s trying to hard to hide their physical pain when eight doesn’t immediately warm up to her but he keeps trying his best bc he needs this.

- Juno being whipped for him feeds kites ego a lot and is awful for everyone involved because he somehow gets worse and also ends up making a fool of himself because of how hard he’s trying to impress her constantly

[iphigeniacomplex]

umm 22 for the voice asks

i got excited & nervous bc ive never done a voice thing before so apologies! also, i didn't check until i started transcribing, but despite what the tracklist says, this is actually "what a difference a day makes" by esther phillips. contrary to the file name, donna summer is NOT in this one.

22: i’ll talk about something that makes me happy

[transcript: hello! so i love music, and, um---i mean, so doesn't everyone, but uh...[laughs] um, even though my favorite songs list wouldn't seem to reflect it, my favorite musical genre is disco. um, overall, disco is my favorite genre, it's just...it's disco, you know, like there's something about it. um, and i also really like, um, getting records. and actually recently my grandfather, um, made the transition to all digital media, um, so he gave me all of these old folk records. i actually got, um, a lead belly, uh, cd, and i was really excited about that because i adore lead belly, um, but we're actually not talking about folk right now, are we? um. [laughs] and there's also this used bookstore right by where i live that sells records as well, and in that used bookstore i, um, got this copy of medea that someone had written in, and i got this, uh, book about women in theatre, and in addition to these things, i also got a, um, record called DISCOMANIA 2 (AS ADVERTISED), and, um, it's over one hour of continuous play (it says all this on the cover, and on the cover there's a kind of rainbow, um, that comes from a star with a 2 next to it, and "DISCOMANIA" in funky writing) and, um, it's got all these wonderful disco hits on it, and, um, i listen to it in my room whenever i'm feeling sad. um, so it's been making the rotations quite a bit lately, um, unfortunately, but fortunately because i like listening to it. um, so i'm gonna play a little for you. this is "love to love you, baby" by donna summer. um, it's the first track of side one.

[sound of needle on record]

[a song that is not love to love you, baby by donna summer plays]

[transcript: like, how can you be sad when listening to it, you know? you just want to dance! it's wonderful!]

[song shuts off]

[transcript: thank you for sending the ask, um, i hope you have a wonderful day! end transcript.]

[frostyjotuns]

I transcribed up Xavier’s monologue from Immortal X-Men #10 bc I’ve been obsessed for months 

Are you suspicious of me? I hope so.

After all, I have done much to be suspicious of. It is one of my ways of protecting everyone. People should be suspicious of me. Let me explain.

I am an idealist who experience has taught to be practical. It’s hard to hold onto an ideal when I know what they really think about us. About me.

We talk about “Xavier’s Dream.” Note the phrasing. It’s not “Xavier’s sensible and achievable policy.” It is not even “Xavier’s Five Year Plan.”

It’s a dream-- intangible, may as well be nothing. Dreams can be forgotten in the morning so easily. I did not form the X-Men to fulfill the dream. I created them to ensure there was a world where the dream-- any dream-- could come true.

Yes, “sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them.” But… protect it from who?

I am a father to many. In turn, I had many fathers. They were each, in their own way, terrible. Even the monster who killed me had a hand in my upbringing, in a failed, foolish attempt to buy himself immortality. Scott and I share Sinister as a meddling Foster Parent. We never talked about it, which is so like us both.

So many terrible fathers. I wished not to become any of them. I succeeded. I became a terrible father in my own way.

I try to dream a world where terrible fathers are gone. But it is, of course, a dream, and we have already talked of the nature of dreams.

“To me, my X-Men.” See what that implies? They are mine. I called them to me. So I choose who to call.

Between my gifts and Cerebro, I knew who was out there. I could have called anyone. The Morlocks, I left them in the tunnels. I ignored so many others who needed help but who I couldn’t save. Not yet. Instead?

Bobby: an ocean of talent, barely touched. Beast: a mutant gift chained to a genius that exceeded mine. Warren: a mutant gift married to wealth that exceeded my own. Jean: a prodigy beyond imagining.

And Scott… a mutant who had already been carved into what a team so badly needs… Then later, when I expanded the ranks?

A goddess with the honed skills of a thief. A trained circus acrobat. An ex-interpol agent… and, of course, let us not forget the black-ops killer. Even little kitty wasn’t a girl next door-- unless you lived next door to a precocious hacker of ludacris talent.

There were so many mutants out there… but I didn’t pick them. I gathered people who could do a job. To protect a world that hates and fears us. In what way do we primarily do that?

Many have noted that we spend most of our time fighting other mutants, confusing-- in the language of programmers-- feature for bug. This is why we exist.

I had a boy and he nearly destroyed the world with runaway thoughts. Moira’s child was a serial killer who could carve reality with his mind. When Jean Grey lost control, a planet burned. And these are weaknesses of character and fortune, not active planned malice.

I have looked at Sinister across the Quiet Council, and shuddered, thinking what he would choose to do if given complete freedom… and how I wish we hadn’t needed him to make our would-be paradise.

You’re starting to understand now. This is the awful truth.

When a child comes out to bigoted parents, it destroys lives. When Magneto came out as a mutant, he killed a whole town in his grief. Being a mutant shares traits with other persecuted groups, but it is unlike it in one key way.

We are dangerous.

They are right to be frightened. Imagine asking those Erik tore apart in his grief for little Anya whether or not we should be feared. I dare say there were mutant corpses in that town, too. We hurt our own. We hurt everyone. If there isn’t someone to stop that.

Look at the X-Men and understand they are born of fear for our worst potential and were my first line of defense in ensuring we do not kill ourselves. It has worked. The Earth beneath our feet is proof. But there is one key question you should ask…

Why do you think I was so worried about the potential of mutants with grandiose power? I have a mirror. I looked in it.

I have often thought how lucky it is that I was given my talents and Erik was given his. Know this with absolute certainty … If our places were switched and Erik had my gifts when he was at his absolute worst, there would be no humans left alive today.

Cerebro lets me find all mutants. In other words’ words, it lets me find all humans.

If I wanted, I could work through them all, placing a psychic trigger in each. A decade's work, perhaps? Most minds aren't difficult. One day, I’d be done.

And on that day, the entire human race would have woken up, walked over to the nearest sharp object and opened up their throats. Humanity would have bled out one bloody morning. And that's if I saw the world as Erik did then. Imagine if I were simply corrupt.

Emma thinks I manipulate this council, and she's right. But she also knows that if I chose, I could have done so in a far more brutal, direct and immoral way. As could she. The entire world could follow our whims and sometimes I wonder if I'm wrong not to do it.

Every time they act with some foolish, hateful policy, I know that I could have stopped it. I am complicit.

I have a secret. There will never be a nuclear war. If the Doomsday Clock ever hit midnight, all those warmongers' hands would hover over the red button… and find themselves incapable of pressing it. If one tried to bypass that, those who are trained to fire the missile would similarly halt in their tracks. There is a Psychic Block in place. I put it there to save the world from ourselves. Like I placed the x-men.

I did it with a thought. Are you petrified? Good. You see things as I do.

I am afraid of my own capabilities, because if you are not afraid of my capabilities, you are simply not thinking hard enough.

That's the thing to understand: Mutants have been victims, but I am not. I am never a victim. I choose to let them persecute me, because the alternative would be the death of us all. I am a martyr.

so I make people suspicious of me, so they are watching me, in case I turn to even shadowier paths, I hope I have succeeded. I am far from a perfect person… but we should all wake up every morning and be grateful that my power and skill is not in the hands of one who is even slightly worse than I am.

It would be a disaster neither species could survive.

[astrobei]

hi suni!! 73, 90, and 94 for the writer asks if u feel like it <33

hi parker :^)) i need u to know i tried posting this like 4 times and every time it would not save my answer to the last question so !! FIFTH TIME’S THE CHARM !!

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

oh this is so interesting and one of those things i don’t rly think about while i’m writing bc it just Happens? but now that i’m thinking about it i definitely definitely see things kind of like. acted out in my head !! especially when describing body language and dialogue and stuff like that it’s super helpful and easier than descriptions or prose because i just get this mental picture in my head of the scene and i can like hear the characters talking kind of and i just write down the dialogue/movements/setting as i see it or as it unfolds in my Mind. if that makes sense !! thinking about it i feel like writing is actually more visual than descriptive for me because i really do just see stuff in my head and just describe what i’m picturing and i think the reason why i get so carried away with scenes where there’s a lot of dialogue/movement is because i am but a mere meat vessel that exists for transcribing whatever my Brain sees

90. do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

oh my god yes 100% !! even as someone who finds it hard to objectively perceive their own writing(i can’t for the life of me tell you what i think my style is or anything) but genuinely whenever i write it’s just a stream of my own consciousness and i think it shows !! especially when i write mike and his internal monologue im literally just getting momentarily possessed by his spirit and then word vomiting onto the google doc <3 what’s also funny is that i’ve had 3 different people send me this line from my fake dating fic and say “you” bc i really do just. threaten to hit things with a stick on a daily basis so. short answer: Yes !

94. do you prefer dialogue or description?

ooooh i would say dialogue !! it comes a lot easier to me and that’s where the bulk of my Overwriting problem lies because i just think it’s so much fun !! especially like. silly lighthearted banter and flirting and for building tension and when i’m visualizing a scene in my head the flow of conversation back and forth is a lot easier for me to picture than describing something and it feeling a bit repetitive if that makes sense? plus i feel like the characters’ voices really get to come through !! i love my inner monologue and description of course but dialogue is definitely where i get carried away :^)

[echoentity]

cw: disability, long post, rambling feels

im replaying cyberpunk 2077 and i finally found a moment that hit me emotionally.

it was optional flavour text on an item found on the body of an optional side mission.

if you havent played it, whenever you do an optional 'gun for hire; mission your target always has an item that if you read it, is basically their last text chain. usually it's them bragging about their last score or asking for somewhere to lay low etc

this one was a conversation between the guy who's head i just turned into a pink mist and a family member.

im just gonna transcribe it, so cw for this next paragraph

jose (the guy i just killed): whats up?

roberto: the caregiver never showed up, im here alone

jose: i'll send one of the boys to help you

roberto: no, i need you, please just come.

jose: i cant, i have to stay put

roberto: i cant even stand up. i had an accident... i dont want them to see me like this.

i just killed this person's only carer. and that poor person is going to be stuck, unable to move, in their own excriment and probably starve like that.

im disabled. and ive had multiple days already just this year where ive laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling bc i was in too much pain to even reach over for my phone to distract me. ive had days where ive had to crawl on my hands and knees to the bathroom. ive had times where i had to beg my partner to come home early from work and carry me to the bathroom.

and i just took away this person's only support.

the worst part is i cant do anythin about it. ive tried to play my V as kind and helpful as the game allows, ive turned down payments for jobs where i was helping make someone's life better, disregarded the opportunities to turn on allies in exchange for a fatter payout. i tried to make her the kind of V who's genuinly trying to improve the world around her, as far as the game allows, which admittedly isnt much.

but the game didnt give me anyway to react to this information. im one of the most powerful and well connected mercs in the city, yet i cant put in a call to my fixer to find this person's address and make sure someone goes round to help them?

idk im probably overthinking it. its just a generic "go in, shoot, get paid" gig that you get dozens of but...

it didnt help when i re-read the mission brief and realised the bounty put on the guy's head was placed by the cops.

i just... idk, one day it could be me stuck in that bed, and i cant think of anything more terrible than laying there, feeling abandoned.