#Tractor AU

[treeba-rk]

modern celebrity treebark au and ren is a famous movie star while martyn is his younger personal assistant and has to plan ren’s meetings while getting jealous when he talks to his other hot celebrity friends while knowing all of ren’s highly specific weird preferences

[c0nnn1e]

tractor au we really goin at it now huh

They’re waiting for their dinner to get delivered when Ren realizes just how gorgeous Martyn is. They’re not doing anything really special, just too out of it to cook so Chinese takeout it is.

Originally, Ren had been saying lines for some movie his manager helped score him a role in. Some highlights from a scene between the main character and Ren, who's playing the love interest.

He says some stuff, it's cliche and sappy, and Martyn throws in small remarks here and there.

They have a system. Ren doesn't actually remember how it started, it kinda just happened one afternoon of sitting around and doing nothing, Ren looked at Martyn and just, stars, Martyn in the orangey lighting of Ren’s kitchen in his jeans and a dark green sweater, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, using his hands to tap absently tap at the counter. Ren had never been more gone for anyone.

That afternoon, they ended up on the couch, Martyn's hands in Ren's long hair and Ren's hands on Martyn's shoulder and neck, practicing a kissing scene Ren had.

And since they'd first begun doing that, Ren had started repeating his favorite lines for Martyn whether they included a kiss or not, it was something fun for both of them. Martyn made witty jokes and improved lines (Sometimes going against the plot of the movie to create some mess of a roleplay in some raspy over-exaggerated accent)

Tonight,  Martyn taps absently on the counter as Ren just plucks strings, it’s a very jumpy beat, but Ren makes due.

RD#1 

“Okay, uh–you ready dude?” Ren smiled, shifting his guitar on his lap as he sat on the marble island counter, watching Martyn as he moved around the kitchen. 

Martyn hummed, giving him a thumbs up.

Ren pressed the record button, this was technically a first draft, right? A demo?

The lyrics start as hums, nothing more than white noise in Ren’s ears as he thinks about if they’re good enough to be said out loud, he almost doesn't want to speak the words he's thinking up.

And when he sings the first word, the first verse, he wants nothing more than to just shrivel up and die. Nothing's more embarrassing to him.

Dream of my hands in your golden hair, “When I wake up, will you still be there?”

It's the first thing that he sings, he's honestly just spitballing here.

As Ren sings, he kinda has a problem closing his eyes and swaying, rocking back and forth in slow movements as he plucks and strums his guitar strings. But this time? He is still as a rock, wide-eyed, and looking at Martyn (who's still cooking, which requires his back to be turned, and Ren guesses that's a bit more comfortable than having Martyn stare at him as Ren sings the song he literally wrote about the blonde)

Because this song is not Ren the actor. It's Ren, just a regular guy. Just Ren, the guy who just so happens to be in love with his best friend, the guy who knows how Martyn takes his coffee, Martyn’s favorite weird food combinations, how he spends his Sunday afternoons, the guy who is hopelessly in love with his personal assistant.

They aren't exactly dating. They're well aware of their mutual feelings for each other, yet have no label on what they are. They're just them. And that's enough for Ren, and if it's not enough for Martyn they can put a label on it. But, they're in no rush.

Ren put everything into this song. Everything he loves about the man in front of him. He hums through the chorus, something, something, loving how Marytns jacket smelt that one night they were out late and Ren didn't have a coat so Martyn gave Ren his green jacket, something about how Ren stayed in bed an extra hour the next day just to not have to take the same jacket off when je got dressed, something about how Ren is actually drowning when he looks into Martyn's blue eyes and it's so much that he doesn't want to save himself anymore (he can deal with drowning if it's Martyn).

“I'd love to show that love's worth running to.” He finishes the song with the chorus, then an instrumental that fades out.

Martyn looks over his shoulder with a cheeky grin, “It sounds great! I like it!”

“I hope so. I don't think people would be happy to know I'm in love with someone who works for me, so…”

“What's the worst they can do?”

“I think getting canceled would be real scary, like it's my whole career on the line!” 

But, really, does any of it matter when Martyn snakes his hand into Ren's hand and entwines their fingers? Does any of it matter when Martyn uses his other hand to take the guitar from Ren and lean it against the counter next to them? Does anything need to worry Ren when Martyn pulls him down and kisses his cheek?

He's smiling like an idiot but decides that, no: his worries are kinda stupid, and a couple of angry fans aren't going to kill him.

[ireallyliketalldarksultrymen]

so alright, cool, whatever by the happy fits is such a tractor au song—under the lyric video, most of rens fans think he’s singing about false while the other half is like “i know what you are….” and just KNOW this man is singing about his assistant (spoiler alert: it’s martyn)

[akwardtractor]

What if I made a lengthy comic about reincarnated human bill joining the mystery shack?? What then???

[zellaspinna]

hear me out on this one..

[verysmallcyborg]

joy and serotinin is stored in being able to stare at fornax's tail with actual animation......! (even if very limited to idles / emotes / anims that have tail bones) (IT'S ALSO POSABLE. PEACE AND LOVE ON THE PLANET EARTH FOR ME AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO POSES HER)

(and a massive thank-you-for-my-whole-life @oneiroy for it MWAH <3)

[havenesc]

I am having a blast reading through your rancher Jason au (and the horsegirl one too!) LOVE the slightly spooky resurrected Jason, it's so fun!

And Jason in your art looks so youthful, especially without the white streak🥺🥺 The resemblance to baby Robin Jay is just. ouugh. He's even smiling and laughing!! Imagine the emotional crisis Bruce would go through if he finds a photo of him like that.

Since I'm a city person who knows nothing about ranching: what are some of the things they have to do? does Jason have a favorite or most despised task?

WAHHHH thank you!! I imagine Jason has like. You know the light reflection in animals' eyes when you shine a flashlight in the difference? He probably gets shot at at least once by his well-meaning colleagues if he has to step out for something at night and they're also out there. God help him.

I think DC's biggest drawback on Jason (art-wise) is making him look like he's 35 with a mortgage and the IRS knocking on his door -- I know that's not old, but half the heartbreaking thing about Jason is that he's like. Nineteen. He's so young. At oldest he's like 24. He shouldn't be swimming in that soft baby fat, but he should still be youthful. Thank you anon I absolutely have a scene planned where Bruce sees his smiling happy photos and god he can't even remember when he saw those expressions on Jason's face it hurts

FULL DISCLAIMER, I only worked somewhat on a ranching operation as a small kid running the cattle chutes and only because the cowboys thought it was funny that I had to use my whole body weight to lift the chute divider. I worked on a horse ranch in Texas for most of my life (and still do on weekends) but that's not the same as a north rural Montana ranching! I have been doing a lot of research to compensate so I'm not just flying by the seat of my anecdotal evidence pants.

They have a lot of tasks -- there's no such thing as a comprehensive list, as ranching changes what needs doing by the season, the week, the day, but there's all sorts of things.

Tagging calves' ears, branding, vaccinating, sorting (weaning). Cows get moved from pasture to pasture depending on how the pasture is looking to keep it growing. Fencelines have to be checked and mended, lest the cows get in with another rancher's herd. Hay needs to be grown and cut and baled -- some of it to keep for the winter months, some of it to sell to other ranchers. Sometimes other ranchers need help with chores, so you go over there to assist for the day. Sometimes cattle get lost between moving from point A to point B, and you have to go into the bush to recover the cattle. Sometimes you have a bull that tears down a fence and he's a mean sonofabitch and it takes three people on horseback alternating between dragging him forward and running away from him to get him back where he belongs.

Horses need care too. Feeding, bringing up from the pasture, maintenance. Some horses need to be broke to ride, and then it's very common to ride the young, spooky (term for flighty) inexperienced horses out for menial task days like moving stock or checking fences, so they become dependable ranch stock like the older ones when it comes time to do real work like sorting or handling cattle up close for branding/doctoring. Some days you don't work with the cows at all, your tractor for moving hay is down and it's up to you to figure out how to fix it.

I'd say Jason's favorite task is probably moving cows. It's a long ass day, guaranteed to be 10-12 hours, but it's somewhat uncomplicated -- this would be the time where most of the hands start fucking around with each other and making a lot of jokes and daring each other to do real dumb shit that makes McLaren yell at them.

He likes it a lot less when it's bringing cows out of the foothills with a lot of thick brush, but it's still a good day's work.

His least favorite is breaking ice in water troughs in the rough winter. That shit sucks. I don't care who you are. Despite having a mallet, his hands always get wet, and there's always the risk of being caught out in a sudden snowstorm depending on the pasture.

[nobodysomeday]

The tractor Episode 2 | Gary Barlow's Food And Wine Tour: Australia [2/?]

[ver-lecstappen]

nah, was expecting all of this, too happy w P2, bc I never believed that Ferrari would be good with Charlie today, no matter how hard he tries

please, don't worry, your time will come, my princess

[riacte]

False centric actor AU in which she's an amazing actress but has no media training and just says completely random shit as cooked up by the False Fans Discord ❤️

[treeba-rk]

hehe

[piedoesnotequalpi]

I am! finally! almost done with this chapter!

[akwardtractor]

In regard to the comic about Bill being human, I would cry if I looked like Jerma too /lh

In the words of Alex Hirsch, “What’s a Jerma?”

[corvidcrafts273]

Indian Omens(good omens au)

Everything is similar except

Aziraphale is into laddus and kaju katlis(and chaat)

Crowley has a terrace garden(yes he still shouts at the plants)(all the neighbors get confused)

Henna red hair

I want to cast crowley into a clothes selling role(but it changes loads of the storyline)

Warlock is the son of an indian actor(preferably srk)(for the chaos)(dunno any evil actors)

Adam is the son of businessman/banker/accountant/computer engineer,madam young is a housewife

The Them are friends from school, they eat icecream from the local convenience store/eat pani puris and hang out

It would be hilarious if crowley owned an auto instead of a car, cuz 1. Anathema needs a ride and needs a share auto

2. Az and crow just hang out in the auto (will share seats,)(they have a bromance)

Anathema is a witch, in that she knows tarot

Tracy and shadwel remain the same(wasnt he a bit shorttempered?like mr brown??(from just william series)(looks at author suspiciously)

Newt is really, really bad with computers, and it doesnt stop him from still pursueing them(thats commitment)

No field of megiddo or air bases, just rent a farm or something(plenty of open green grassy land here,happy trespassing)

How iconic would it be if they had swords??and they charged at each other??

War would start a fight between the two major religions here

Famine is already doing well with their no calories only pseudofood schtick

Death is death

Pollution uhhh no idea

Feel free to add your headcannons!!

[akkivee]

there’s a hallmark movie in the making with a country boy samatoki and city boy juto au lmao

[orphicsun]

american kids (e.w headcannons)

pairing: southern butch ellie + fem reader

warnings: 18+ content (use of strap-ons + oral sex + ass slapping), mentions of guns since it's a southern au and all, southern dialect/accent noticeable, use of the term 'daddy' (i think ellie is the type of butch to love the name).

☼ southern butch ellie who wears a pair of joel's hand-me-down jeans while she works. sweat drippin' down her forehead, hair tied back messily to keep it out of her face. plenty of pit stains on her wife pleasers and she still looks irresistible.

☼ southern butch ellie who plows through endless fields in her tractor (and you)

☼ southern butch ellie who isn't too picky about her meals. you'll approach her lounging form, practically glued to the recliner, and tap her tanned shoulder with a plate of mississippi mud roast.

"ain't you just so sweet?" she'd tease, tugging your waist to sit on the side of the chair. when you (reluctantly) managed to pull away to clean the crock pot, you'd feel her roughened hand give your ass a little shameless smack, and if you paid closer attention, you could hear the snicker erupt from her throat.

☼ southern butch ellie who loves being called daddy in the privacy of your farmhouse' master bedroom.

in reverse cowgirl, her hands keep a firm grip over the curve of your hips. you rock your hips back and forth, whining incoherent shit she can't make anything of. you jump and look back at her when her hand comes down on your ass, a sharp spank leaving a red handprint on it. "you gonna be nice for daddy and ride her cock, quit mumblin'?" she chides. your whimper sends 1500 watts straight to her bush-hidden pussy. without further notice, you're flipped underneath her, and the harness around her waist is being ripped off so she can shut you up with her pussy on your face.

☼ southern butch ellie with plenty of ink. the single name "shimmer," her first horse, on the back of her shoulder. letters capital and thin. then, an assortment of random tattoos you wouldn't expect someone in the bible belt to have. not that ellie follows any bible, but it's surprising to see. her arms stay mainly clean, freckles on her shoulders and faded down her arms unobstructed, but she swears one day she will get your name on the inside of her wrist.

"see that vein right there, babe? right below 'er. perfect place for your name, don't cha think?"

☼ southern butch ellie who seems rough on the outside, but is the true definition of a sweetheart. you live in a trailer park? she grew up in one, doesn't judge. though that is all too common in the south, some folks still judge. she will never understand it. adding onto this, she ordinates between little and big spoon. some nights, she loves being held and squeezed to sleep. the nights when she has no plans of actually sleeping, she likes sneaking behind you and rubbing her thick belt buckle against your ass.

☼ southern butch ellie who is awkward with kids to the point it melts your heart. she can hardly speak to them, just nodding along and trying to keep up with their jumbling words. give her a couple hours with the kids, and you'll find her playing crack the egg on a trampoline with them.

☼ southern butch ellie who hunts with a rifle in the backwoods. she'll come home with a couple rabbits or a deer if she is so lucky. keeps the rifle stored away safely, but sometimes her mind drifts to your safety. if anyone even so much as thought about trying to harm you on her property? rifle is going to be used for more than forest critter.

☼ southern butch ellie who loves getting a strap blowjob, whatever you wanna call it. she gets asked all the time why lesbians use strap-ons if they don't like cock—this is why. the way the tan plastic shines neatly with your saliva. the way she can last longer than any guy getting a blowjob, fucking your throat for as long as she so pleases, knowing you love gagging for her dick.

☼ southern butch ellie who fucks you in the bed of her '97 pick-up truck, a few blankets underneath you. she'll have you in missionary with your legs wrapped around her hips, and she handles you so easily. she doesn't sputter like a man. she fucks you hard and deep, encouraging you to dig your nails into her back. she doesn't stop until she knows you're worn out.

☼ southern butch ellie who loves a good home-cooked meal from you, but knows how to whip up some bomb ass breakfast herself. hashbrowns and sunny-side up eggs, a few strip of bacon or sausage links on the side for you when you rise. since she always wakes earlier than you, she has the advantage of being able to cook for you before you are able to fuss about her morning chores and how you should be the one to cook.

☼ southern butch ellie who hates overall traffic and chaos in the city, but will drive through an interstate to one in november for every major holiday. she isn't the richest person, but likes picking up overtime to get you that specific teacup set you saw in a flea market or a lacy pair of victoria's secret panties in the mall that she catches you staring at weeks prior.

☼ southern butch ellie who makes a mixtape for the nights the two of you drink beer on the hood of her truck and roll a couple joints. and yeah, it's the classics of the south. george strait, the charlie daniels band, dolly parton, johnny cash, shania twain, willie nelson, etc. she throws in some soft older love songs like coney island baby, somethin' stupid, i will always love you, dedicated to the one i love, forever, be my baby, and tonight will you belong to me.

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