#Totally Transparent Part One
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snekdood · 6 months ago
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so tired of "cool kid" cliques bc the kids in it often aren't even cool, just assholes, and they're also usually boring as fuck w 0 talents besides maybe sportsball.
#im so BOOOOORED OF YOU#*glares at the recent shit going on on twitch*#and any of the people praising those idiots are the same idiots who'd do anything to be part of the clique meanwhile never truly being#invited. i promise they will never welcome you. they've made their personality into being assholes and bc they're so convinced they're#right to judge people that way their confidence convinces other people#truly these people need to be smacked and brought down a fuckin peg so they know they cant keep propping themselves up as super special#you're 'cool' but you cant even fight i bet huh bud#all those muscles and for what.#for fucking what.#often if you strip these people of their conventional eurocentric attractiveness (yeah frogan looks white idc what you say lmao)#no one would think they're popular and would just find them to be stuck up assholes.#not sure who needs to hear this but a good way to actually judge people correctly is to imagine they looked like the least attractive perso#to you. and then listen to the shit they say. and then come and tell me how cool and fine it is actually and how you totally listen to#other streamers who are less attractive who say the same shit and you're totally totally not just following what hasan says all the time#bc you think hes attractive. thats toooooooootally not the reason. surely not. esp for these fandom brained far left idiots. surely not.#😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 yall are so fucking transparent lmao.#theres a specific person ik that if i could force her to see hasan as ugly and then start listening to him i might actually be able to get#through to her. bc ik for a FACT thats the only reason she likes him. ik her too damn well lmao.#tell me about how you totally listen to mikefrompa as well as hasan and aren't inherently repelled by whatever he says bc you find him#less attractive. im begging you to try to lie to me about that.
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illusioncanthurtme--art · 8 months ago
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A very self indulgent Billford playlist!
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Self indulgent, because this music does not appeal to the masses at all; these songs are limited to the stuff I listen to. So I’m being VERY transparent about my embarrassing taste in music right now! Plus, NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS!!! But I hope some of these resonate with you. This is a little collection I’ve formed in my phone notes since I got into this ship a couple weeks ago.
Not a fancy spotify playlist, it’s just links to the music on youtube. 
I’ve got this divided into parts:
-The Billford Songs
-The In This Moment Billford Songs
SO MUCH of their music is enemies/lovers perfection. I’ve thought about so many *killing you but also making out with you* pairings to this shit, because these songs were like, DESIGNED to be recycled for any and all love hate relationships, and still hit insanely hard EVERY TIME. So now that you have these songs under your belt, you have them FOREVER. You’re welcome. I haven’t even listened to all their music, I’m sure there’s more songs for this category that I simply haven’t discovered.
-The…Maybe…Billford Songs
My standards were kinda high for making this list. But every song is about your ship when you’re insane, right??? So these are the maybe’s. One’s I’ve thought about billford to, but maybe the lyrics don’t totally align.
Playlist under the cut! I wasn’t gonna ramble about each song but WHOOPS I DID 🤷‍♀️
The Billford songs:
Monophobia - Deadmau5 (Extended version, cuz it’s the best.)
THE LYRICS… THE LYRICS!!!! Definitely bill pining in theraprism. 
Propane Nightmares - Pendulum
This one WAS gonna go in the maybe’s, but I convinced myself otherwise after listening to it eighty more times, and now it’s up here on top. And fuck it, this is the *self indulgent* billford playlist, so I do what I want. I go into a fucking trance when I listen to this song, so I can’t really explain 110% why this is a billford song to me, but I’ll try.  Apparently, this song is about the heavens gate cult. So not enemies/lovers angst. But looking at the lyrics, you could interpret it as giving yourself to something greater, and coming to the realization that what you pledged yourself to is actually a very bad thing which will ultimately destroy you. (also, you can’t deny that there was some cult like manipulation happening with Bill and Ford. Sense of purpose and friendship.) Definitely billford-y when you consider Fords commitment to bill. And I’ll admit, when I listen to it, there is some pov switching. Because the “trail of fire”,  “we will be as one”, and “bring it on home” is VERY reminiscent of bill executing weirdmageddon. So overall, my interpretation of this song is Ford feeling torn about bill, feeling regret, feeling scared, and Bill of course, just wanting to bring the dimensions together. “BRING IT ON HOME!!!!”  Or I just like the song. 
Rule 34 - Fish in a Birdcage
Bestie recommended this song to me. It needs no explanation.
Painkiller - The Queenstons
…NEEDS NO EXPLANATION DSKFDSKJHF It’s similar to the above, just more… scary imo. Violent. Definitely bill being a little psycho. I really love this song. It’s very recyclable too. You have it for any toxic ship now. 
9V - The Queenstons
One of my favorite Lapfox/Halley Labs songs… I’m gonna give you the lyrics, it’s a bit hard to understand without them. In my eyes, it’s about betraying Ford. Also these vocals (and other music by this artist) works so well for bill because of the synthesized voice. 
LoveBOMB - S3RL
This is a new S3RL song. This song sounds like a tantrum, and I really liked it when I first heard it, but it didn't fit anything I was into at the time. Luckily, bill suffered a horrible breakup, and now this song has it’s meaning. 
When I'm There - S3RL
Bill thinking about joining the third dimension with Ford. 
Click Bait - S3RL
I’ve listened to this one a LOT before this, and I surprised myself with how much it aligns with bill, specifically, him tricking Ford.
Space-Time - S3RL
Speaks for itself.
Sodom & Gomorrah - Dorian Electra
This one’s just funny :)
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The In This Moment Billford Songs
Sick Like Me
Sexual Hallucination
This is one of those recyclable songs, but I was damn surprised at how well the lyrics suited them, because it alludes to being out of body, possession, etc.
Blood
Half God half devil
Roots
Whore
Damn it, I cant deny this one suits them.
Big Bad Wolf
DAMN IT I wasn’t gonna include this one, but I just checked the lyrics and fuck, it works. In this moment, how are you so wonderful
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The…Maybe…Billford Songs
Illuminaughty - Infected Mushroom
I'm kind of grasping at straws with these lyrics, but with a title like that? Come on
The Pretender - Foo Fighters, Infected Mushroom, Turbo Remix
Three versions, for whichever suits your fancy.
Leopold - Infected Mushroom
This one has NO LYRICS, but it has this buildup that sounds really cool, and it has an abrupt decrescendo. Reminds me of their "friendship" and how it all came crashing down.
Idolize - Dorian Electra
Hmmmmm, I just like Dorian. But the idolization thing works for obvious reasons.
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That’s it! Hope you enjoy. Maybe I'll do an expansion pack of sorts if I find enough songs for a part 2.
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mcpostinghours · 5 days ago
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I'm going to torment y'all with more Obey Me posting, here's what sorts of dresses I think the boys would pick for MC ( regardless of gender)
Lucifer: He can act like he's not as horny as his brothers, but I think he would imagine something super form fitting. Classy, true, but form fitting and probably black or blue or red. Feather details are a bonus.
Mammon: Thinks MC is so, SO hot, so something short and revealing, decorated in glitter and gold. Obviously something in black and gold. That being said he'd also all but faint to see them in something white and shining, loosely hanging over them like some old depictions of the gods.
Leviathan: Also horny, but also a nerd. Something with fantasy elements, and definitely at least one leg slit. He also likes oceanic colors, or orange to match him of course. Tbh his dream dress for MC would make them look like a mermaid.
Asmodeous: He's also horny (noticing a trend) but he ALSO loves fashion. I think his ideal dress would look like really really fancy lingerie. Definitely heavy on the lace, and definitely something in pink or white.
Satan: A hopeless romantic who loves fairytales? He absolutely would choose some kind of princess looking gown, with a structured bodice and fluffy skirt. Naturally he'd like something in green, or maybe purple.
Beelzebub: I feel like he doesn't think about this kind of stuff much, but if pressed he'd probably pick something short and cute. Or something that made MC's butt look good, he's totally an ass man. I feel like he'd like the color red too, or black.
Belphegor: Now he would want something that's soft and nice to touch, so probably something silk. Naturally he'd like something in purple or deep blue, super dreamy nighttime colors. It also doesn't matter how small your boobs are or if you even have them, this guy wants to see and rest his head on your cleavage. (Brat)
Diavolo: Something luxurious and regal, he wants to show MC the extent of what he can offer them. Also something white and gold, it's gonna end up looking like a wedding dress. He does not care, in fact that's a bonus. Something that glitters and makes them look even more divine. (He low-key wants to make them look more gorgeous than the angels as a flex)
Barbatos: Something slinky and formal. Something that matches the turquoise of his tail. Where Mammon would drape MC in gold, Barbatos goes for jewels. On MC's neck, chest, in their hair. He wants to see them glimmer.
Simeon: Something sweet and power blue. He prefers fabrics that drape and flow, loosely hightlighting their form. He'd never admit it but he also has a thing for dresses that are a bit transparent...
Solomon: While this asshole would probably say he'd prefer them nude, there is a legitimate answer. He would like a dress that looks like the night sky, black with glittering silver stones. Something that makes MC look as magical as he thinks they are. That being said he also wants a really REALLY high leg slit with a garter. He'd have a conniption.
Edit: I have now illustrated part of this:
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takes1 · 4 months ago
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i am really in love with the way you write asahi!!!! really looking forward to part 2 of tipsy playfighting with him 😊😊😊
[final part] asahi getting rough with petite!reader
hellooooo thank you so much!!! was thiiiis 🤏close to doing a daddy kink thing, chose not to because that's kind of polarizing. like... pineapples on pizza
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warnings. heavy nsfw, minors DNI
details. fem!reader / rough sex / f!rec oral / asahi is the perfect dominant / submissive!reader / aftercare king / fingering / mutual size kink / playfighting kink / rough play kink / power struggle fetish / pseudo-bdsm themes / pet names / mentions of subspace / mid-sex communication / being way too loud / daichi being a great friend / 3.5k words
links. my masterlist. my ao3. more haikyuu. part one here.
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'Kind of' made you stall at the top of the stairs.
The second floor, you realized, was all bedrooms. Your legs got heavy, your heart beating like a panicked bird in a cage.
It was ironic. Your ability to handle him downstairs came naturally, but as soon as you had some privacy, it all got intimidating.
Asahi paused after turning the corner. He eased back against the wall with a breath. He glanced to the staircase one more time to make sure nobody had followed you.
"There's nothin' to help with," He laughed, rubbing the side of his stubbly face, "I just- yeah, that was a super lame excuse, actually."
You stood with your hands clasped in front of you, a polite smile, trying to flex all the shivers down. Your crush on him reached its peaks and valleys throughout your years in school together. It reached a happy medium until tonight, starkly reminding you of your old, pushed-down feelings.
He was wicked cute, and that whole performance downstairs was cut too short.
A big breath led to a bigger sigh, "I really wanted to kiss you."
"Me too," You said, with almost no time to let his words settle.
Asahi covered his automatic laugh, and you shared a wholesome moment of mutual, nervous relief.
"Well, uh-," He seethed, eyes up to the ceiling, face much warmer, "If we're being totally honest-,"
The cheers downstairs cut him off. It sounded like Kageyama might have won his match, but neither of you cared.
Asahi suggested, instead, "Should we- go somewhere more private?"
Although you nodded, you weren't sure where he had in mind until he showed you into Daichi's bedroom. You raised your brow, taking in his posters, his books, the layout, feeling a bit guilty that he wasn't in here.
"Oh, I made sure it was cool with him if we- um, talked, in here," He explained.
The supportive body language from those two made infinitely more sense, but you doubted it that ended at 'talking.' You kept your excitement under the surface, for now.
"Right."
He sat on the mattress, a little invested in the feel of the sheets, by the way his hand slid and prodded over the thread count. The ache between your legs was starting to make your whole body cold.
Daichi had those glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, and you didn't want to leave it up to Asahi to fill the silence, so you tried, "How long do y'think he's had those?"
There were at least 20, you counted. When you looked back down, he was relaxed forward, elbows rested on his knees, with his face in his hands, staring straight at you. Screw the ceiling.
He cleared his throat, his eyes flickered dismissively up, "Oh, um- forever, I'm sure."
Asahi was a terrible liar. You were glad he was honest with you in the hall, because he had zero capacity for beating around the bush. His intentions were spoken for, but now they were transparent in his clouded, almost tormented eyes. He made it seem difficult to look at you without touching you.
"You said you wanted to kiss me, right?" The decision to make it easy for him was met with a huge shift in his expression, an ease you saw, earlier, that spread as he ran his hands along your sides.
A gentle brush of his thumb across your cheek, "I did."
Kissing him was simple- it didn't feel rushed, or confusing, at all. He made it all a pleasant and invigorating experience to follow his lead.
His fingers spread through your hair, at the base of your neck. A strong but soft pull brought you into the warm embrace of his body.
He smelled good- mostly like the aged liquor he was nursing most of the night, but a bit woody, with hint of cashmere. Even his scent made you feel taken care of.
"So," You caught your breath for a second, taking in his face as you tucked some hair behind his ear, "Are you sure Daichi's fine with us- talking, all over his bed?"
The way his eyes lit up during his chuckle made you grin, validated and light.
His lips smushed against yours again. He was lifting you up by the waist, setting you on your back with proud effortlessness. You kept your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, getting your fill of his hair while you could.
Before he could completely forget to respond, he hummed a preoccupied, "Yeahh, don't worry about'm."
A hand pinned yours against the mattress.
All he needed was a little reassurance, and he was no longer the sheepish wimp you knew him to be. For a while, when those hot summer seasons coincided with the throws of your crush, it was fun to imagine what he might be like. Now, there was proof, and he didn't disappoint.
The growing pressure he placed on you kept you flat, and slowly limited your ability to move. It was getting familiar.
You tried to move your hand from under his, unlace it, just to touch him, but it proved impossible.
A small chuckle, a little mutter against his temple as he struck crude kisses down the side of your neck: "Can I have my hand back?"
The skin over his knuckles was tough, and his palms were leathery, firm, from all the lifting he did. His strength alone spoke for his dedication, but you felt pleased to know these intimate details about his body.
Your request was met with your other hand being taken hostage. It wasn't fast, but he did it so naturally that you didn't think to move away.
The look he gave you perfectly represented the edge under his words.
"You want your hands back?"
It was a tease-- a way of telling you 'I know you can't move, but I want to see you try.'
You grew warm under the weight of his subtle, playful pushing-- both between your legs and over your palms.
Robbed of your autonomy, but still finding yourself exhilarated by the reality of his size, and his capacity to use it well, the only thing left to do was play along with him. If he had a real thing for this, you wanted to know just how far it went, how worked up it could get you both.
A tiny attempt to pull your arms closer was met with his easy, slow adjustment to cross them instead, above your head. He kissed you through it, all warm and gentle and kind and safe-- but curiously engrossed in your inability to physically overcome him.
It sent a warm chill down your back- flexed, lingering in another ache between your thighs.
His lips were so soft, and sweet, and light, contrasted well against the slight burn of his stubble.
"Mm-," Asahi sighed, a soft peck to your cheek so he could collect himself, "You're givin' up already?"
The warm spill of his words across your face, plus the thrill of his little challenge, had you squirming, all knotted up and itching for him to give you more than just kisses.
"You--," You tensed at his slow, messy sucking along your jaw, "You-mm! Know I can't move..."
Maybe he was taking pity on you- maybe it was your whiny admission fueling a more licentious desire, inspiring him to let you go so he could start stripping you. You delighted in the chance it gave you to watch his reactions.
Soon, you were fully nude- and he was still fully clothed, with no foreseeable urgency to even the imbalance out.
Instead, he let a hand overlap your waist, eyes still busy scouring over you, "Are you gonna be okay?"
"Dunno," You mumbled, playing with his fingers as you shot a look to his fly, "Maybe you should check."
Your coquettish quip earned a hasty, rough, but amused kiss. You writhed against his weight again, this time with a justifiable anticipation at the sound of him pulling his cock out.
It was hot as it fell against your skin. A welcome feeling of closeness you couldn't get from much else, just being skin to skin with somebody else. It made you feel a bit like melted butter.
He pushed himself up to take his shirt off, all the while examining his length, pushing it down so that he could measure it in relation to your small torso.
"We'll have to, um..." You trailed, a shaky exhale at his burly, tanned physique, "Be.."
The word 'careful' fell apart on your tongue. Now he was measuring his fingers, next to his cock. One hand remained idle wrapped around the bulk of your thigh.
It was indeed fascinating how some body types probably shouldn't try to come together, like you were. Seemed like an evolutionary flaw.
Especially because the look in his eyes was nothing short of carnivorous. It was occasionally batted back by bouts of concern for the logistics of it all.
"I've got a few ideas," He smiled, real handsome, real sweet, down at you.
Curious, you watched all your favorite muscles of his work and relax again as he backed up off of the mattress, standing at the edge of the bed.
In a second, you had been pulled closer, then adjusted in front of him- it left you breathless at the simple ease of it all. You fixed your hair, a glossy and fixated admiration in your gaze up to him.
Awed, you told him in a shaky giggle, "I really like that..."
Asahi leaned over you; a timid and flattered sigh prickling up your skin, "Yeah?"
His rough hands pinched at your hips as he kissed a messy trail down your tummy.
Whispered, just as his knees hit the carpet, "I like it, too."
It was impossible to not get excited. He always stuck you as a guy with more patience than most.
Patient was a good word to describe the way he ate you out-- he may have liked to toss you around, but it wasn't out of carelessness, or negligence. It was an exploration of boundaries, a bit of power play, and this was played right into the dynamic. His performance wasn't perfect, or void of little, silly hiccups, but it was endearing and fun to discover together.
After he got you warmed up, he began slowly, one by one, pushing his fingers into you.
"How's that feel?"
It was a curious, but flirty question.
He already knew how much you were enjoying yourself, how you were trying to keep yourself quiet under your hand, struggling to not roll your hips into his hand. He just wanted to hear you.
A raspy sigh, a distracted nod, "So g-ood--,"
"Takin' me soo well," He grinned, sucking another messy kiss to you, "Y'want another?"
It wasn't exactly audible, but he was watching that sweet, desperate little expression on your face enough to know you did.
You could feel his smile spread- making your thighs flinch, your body curl at the intensity of getting stretched even further.
"You're so cute."
A mumbly admission, buzzing just right onto you. You were so full of him, reeling in how thick three of his fingers were, and dangerously close once he concentrated on your clit.
Soon you were gripping harder, twitching, then squeezing him--, "H-ah-!"
You started begging when nonverbal queues didn't get through.
"Asahi- asahi, please-ah," You huffed, starting to feel your climax rushing in, threatening to take hold of you, "I'm s-o close-!"
You thought he would stop, for favor of dragging this out longer, but he didn't slow down, nor did he let off of you. The only change was his grip tightening, gripping into your skin. A twitch of your thigh, trying to push on him, was met with a powerful pull to keep it far away, to the side and keep you opened up.
The pressure it brought only added to your rapture- he was actively getting off to watching, hearing, feeling you beg for a break. He loved it.
"Mmn-!" Pulling on his hair did you no favors, other than encouraging that slow, constant swirl of his big tongue around your swollen clit.
In the end, the harshness in your brow, in your clawing fingers, your shaky thighs, all softened under his steady hold. He felt so good taking you apart, then bringing you all back together.
Another messy kiss, so sweet- but so mean, shoved you over the steep edge.
He could feel you tighten, pulse around his fingers and filled you to the knuckle; a tipsy, crooked smile barely visible under his working tongue.
It took so long to come out of the throws of your orgasm that he was already back on top, filling the space above you. You quickly locked your legs around him, hands guiding his face up for a kiss.
His knack for multitasking never stopped. You were given so many gentle, attentive kisses as he put you in the center of the bed, where there was finally room for the both of you.
He wanted you on your elbows and knees. Numb, and tingly, and pliable, you let him adjust you the way he wanted; you kept your debaucherous smile to yourself.
You needed every second of that foreplay to take him- he was the biggest you had ever been with. Thankfully, he also happened to be the sweetest.
"Ooh my god," Your trembling was quelled by the weight of his body.
His groan was low, stuttery, at your tight pussy clenching hard all around him.
He caught his breath, a pretty moan in the back of his throat, "Shit."
His praises were loosely strung together, punctuated in little kisses to the back of your head as he placed his elbows on the mattress, at your sides. If he had been watching, he probably wouldn't have lasted very long.
It was getting rough, quickly, but you found his kind attention more than enough to keep you relaxed.
"Mm-!" You muffled a cry, fisting the sheets while he chuckled at how cute all your little sounds were, hungry for more.
In one fluid motion, he had your arms pinned; one was tucked under you, the other was extended far out in front of you. The responsive gasp was more of your body, reacting on its own, but it was an invigorating thing to consider. He was such a timid guy, so every dirty thing he said or did still took you by surprise.
It was just like how you finished your match earlier, with one big difference.
"Mmnh-aAh! Augh-ah-Mm!"
Your surprised, whiny sounds spilled free against the sheets. His cock filled every bit of you- it felt so good your breath was getting shorter, harder to catch.
You couldn't see it, but he drank that messiness up, a furrowed concentration in his brow to keep giving it to you as hard as you needed.
"You like that?" His voice was right in your neck again, buzzed.
It melted your resistance away- you couldn't even squirm, couldn't tell him yes. You were so full, so close already, that when he stalled deep and cruel, to let you think, your euphoria was barely interrupted. You cried, tearless, drooling a little on Daichi's sheets.
"You wanna talk to me, sweetie?"
The kindness in his voice right now should've been illegal. You breath was getting shaky, your vision long since useless.
"T-ell me-mm, how it feels," He muttered, still egging you on, a kiss to the tip of your ear.
His voice fell away from you, your heart pounding in your ears- you were just swimming in delectation. His warmth, his sure delivery of careful pleasure, his gravelly, well-meaning taunts. It was starting to take you far away, for the first time.
You noticed, but didn't react to his retracting hands, nor the readjustment of his weight off of you.
He was deeply troubled that you hadn't responded to him.
If Asahi had been any more experienced or confident, he would've known the clear signs of subspace-- but considering his experience ended at some casual sex, and the absence of conversation, and not understanding of either of your limits, he thought he fucked up, bad.
You were just different. That made him nervous.
Concern laced his voice quick, a sobering sound.
"Hey?" There were a couple taps to your cheek, and when you got your focus back, he was bending to try to get a good look at your face.
You gave a weak smile, "Mm?"
"You okay?"
A big stretch, an otherwise silly invitation for him to put his hands back on top of yours, "Mmmmhm..."
The way you sat back a little, pushing yourself gently onto his cock, made him take a second. A quick moment to suck in a restrained breath. Then a reserved, relieved chuckle.
"Are you- sure?" Was his last attempt. Now he was noticing the shakiness from your legs, your irregular breathing.
He put a tiny peck to your temple, fingers carefully running over your side.
You gave a close-mouthed whine and winced away at the ticklish sensation, "God-- Just fuck me please,"
When he was watching where to put his hands, he noticed your wiggly fingers, and grinned- happy to take you up on the offer, again.
He met your light pushing with stronger, steady strokes that kept you gasping- whiny, with pleasure.
Your endurance was absolute garbage, when it came to his unconventional way of treating you. Neither of you were expecting it to click so well- not as just-friends, for years, with on-and-off separate partners and countless, ill-timed crushes on each other.
It was amusing to think of how different this would make your 'friendship' now. How could you tell the team you were dating, after they watched what was essentially half of your foreplay downstairs?
This orgasm washed over you in shorter, smaller waves than the first- but it took so long to fully crest that it felt a thousand years longer.
You weren't particularly loud, this time, but now that he was paying so much attention to you, he spoke you through it with unparalleled timing.
"Good, fuck- that's good," He sighed, huffy, in your ear.
His hand quickly clasped over your mouth before you could make a sound.
Though you felt so perfect, the little scare you gave him warded off any chance he had at cumming, too. It'd have to wait for some other time. The satisfaction from getting you to this point was more than enough payoff for him.
"Good girl."
You had never felt so disconnected from your own body before. It was like you felt your climax about two rooms down the hall- and all it left you with was some invisible, heavy blanket all across your limbs.
For all that was worth, it was pretty cool.
His quiet shushing, all in your ear, was the evidence you needed that you hadn't been entirely present. You weren't sure when he started and when he stopped.
"You're okay- you're okay," He cooed, thumb gently brushing your warm cheek.
He held you incredibly still, listening, watching, for you, before pulling out.
You felt like a heavy bag of sand.
In fact, after he had shifted slowly off you and leaned closer, the way you slumped down was akin to one. Maybe more of a bag of concrete mix, instead.
It was staggering to believe your sweet, silly, nervous Asahi took it out of you, like that.
"You okay?" He was ultra-gentle, now, sliding featherlight touches over your back.
It was just enough to keep you awake.
"(Y/n)?"
You didn't realize you needed to respond. A slow, laborious sigh. You opened your eyes and were surprised to see him, once again, leaning over you to watch your face.
"Yeah..."
It didn't convince him- he looked like he was going to call an ambulance.
"I'm- tired," You went to push yourself up.
The intense quivering in your arms stopped you. Having to push back against him for so long was exhausting, and now you were completely spent. You wondered if it had anything to do with the little fight earlier, too.
He shook his head when he noticed you try to move on your own again, "Nono, I got you."
For the millionth time tonight, his ability to pick you up, from whatever position he found himself in, left you in a delighted daze. He set you so that you at least had a pillow under your head.
"You need some water? Let me go get some for you real quick."
You did feel pretty dried up. Like a dead, frail flower.
A tiny nod, and he was rushing to put on enough clothes, zipping out the door in search of water. You fell asleep in the short time he was gone, too sleepy to pull the covers over you or to roll to your side.
"Mmh..."
It had only been a minute or so.
But you felt a thousand years old, getting woken up from an ancient slumber, when a soft throw blanket was covering you- a big, gentle hand over top of it, rubbing your shoulder to rouse you.
Asahi settled to your side, watched closely as you drank, and pressed more kisses to the side of your head. He reached over you to set the bottle on the bedside table.
"Thank you," You leaned into him, then decided to give him a little edge of the blanket, too, and rested your head on his chest, "I'm okay."
"Good."
He was warm. You squeezed an arm over him.
"How are we gonna tell everyone?" You mumbled, against his tummy.
"I-... don't think we need to."
Confused at what he meant by that, you stopped trying to burrow into him, and propped up a little to look him in the face.
"Uh-," He tilted his head from side to side, a little warmth on his tan features, "We weren't...exactly...quiet."
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progressglobenews · 2 months ago
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[May 17, 2021]
Newsweek:
The largest undercover force the world has ever known is the one created by the Pentagon over the past decade. Some 60,000 people now belong to this secret army, many working under masked identities and in low profile, all part of a broad program called "signature reduction." The force, more than ten times the size of the clandestine elements of the CIA, carries out domestic and foreign assignments, both in military uniforms and under civilian cover, in real life and online, sometimes hiding in private businesses and consultancies, some of them household name companies. The unprecedented shift has placed an ever greater number of soldiers, civilians, and contractors working under false identities, partly as a natural result in the growth of secret special forces but also as an intentional response to the challenges of traveling and operating in an increasingly transparent world. The explosion of Pentagon cyber warfare, moreover, has led to thousands of spies who carry out their day-to-day work in various made-up personas, the very type of nefarious operations the United States decries when Russian and Chinese spies do the same. Newsweek's exclusive report on this secret world is the result of a two-year investigation involving the examination of over 600 resumes and 1,000 job postings, dozens of Freedom of Information Act requests, and scores of interviews with participants and defense decision-makers. What emerges is a window into not just a little-known sector of the American military, but also a completely unregulated practice. No one knows the program's total size, and the explosion of signature reduction has never been examined for its impact on military policies and culture. Congress has never held a hearing on the subject. And yet the military developing this gigantic clandestine force challenges U.S. laws, the Geneva Conventions, the code of military conduct and basic accountability.
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pboogerswbb · 5 months ago
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TOO LOST IN YOU - part VI
Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc
Warnings: toxic!p, language, SMUT!
Wordcount: 7.3k (oops)
A/N: PALERIE IS BACK - i know you guys have been waiting to find out what happens after part 5, well guess what - you're gonna have to wait till part 7 :) i wanted to have you on the edge of your seats a lil longer, so this part will be a flashback to how paige and valerie met and how all that unfolded! don't hate me too much lmao. anyway again, you guys have shown so much love and appreciation and i'm so incredibly grateful!! ily all please enjoy and send me live reactions and feedback!!! i'm begging (@paigesbabygirl your wait is over)
-
September 2024
“Valerie, can you bring more tall glasses we’re about to run out!”
“Uh ok,” I yell over the crowd, wiping the sweat and the hairs sticking to my forehead with the back of my hand as I hurry to the back. Dread takes over me when the rack is empty, not a single glass in sight. We never should’ve hired that freshman Johnny to clean tables. I groan running back to the front, the bar lining up with rows of customers for what felt like hours now. It felt like all of Storrs had made their way to Ted’s tonight.
I was warned about the last weekend before classes start, that all the students pack into Ted’s and get shitfaced. Somehow it was still just me, Natalie and Thomas working - and this new guy called Johnny who I had a feeling was about to be fired. How were we out of glasses?
“No glasses, use pints!” I shout, the chatter of the students overwhelmingly loud.
“What?” Natalie yells and I just point to the pints towering next to her, knowing it was no use to talk in all this noise.
Natalie looks at me, her wide eyes showing slight panic, her hands mixing drinks expertly. She evidently had some years on me when it came to bartending. “Where the fuck is Johnny?”
“Not doing his job I guess,” I groan, carrying a rack of pints over to the bar. “I’ll go clean tables then, get us some more glasses.”
The red haired girl waves me off as I rush into the crowd, squeezing through and grabbing every empty glass in sight, adding them one by one to the tower I was balancing against my side, bringing them to the back to be washed. Once I return into the crowd of swarming students, I’m crushed between two groups of guys, elbowing their sides to make my way through. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back, the air felt heavy and humid, early September still as hot as July had been.
“Ah fuck!”
Suddenly I feel a splash of something seep into my tank top, the white thin fabric turning red and seethrough. 
“What the fuck!” I yell looking down, the shirt sticking to my skin as more people pushed into my back, nearly making me stumble. 
“Shit bro I’m so sorry,” A hoarse voice mumbles and I lift my eyes upwards to the tall blonde girl standing in front of me, a sheepish smile on her face as she scratches the back of her neck. “Someone pushed me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snap, too overwhelmed and overworked to deal with this right now. Someone behind me trips, forcing me to stumble forward, the girl catching me and steadying me. “Whoa there,” she says.
“You good?” The blonde asks and I roll my eyes, what a stupid question to ask. 
“You just spilled a drink on me, what do you think?”
“I’m so sorry, deadass. Lemme buy you a drink please.”
“I work here, I’m working.”
“Oh, shit.”
I look down at my top, completely ruined and unwearable - if not for the red stain then for the fact that the fabric had turned completely transparent, my lavender bra completely visible.
The blonde girl in front of me blushes, eyeing the way my nipples poked through the drenched top now. Noticing me watching her, she quickly looks up to the low ceiling of the bar, pretending she wasn’t ogling over my chest.
“You can totally see through it right?” I ask frustrated and the blonde only nods, clearly trying not to grin which only annoys me more.
“I’m so sorry, hold up.”
She seems apologetic as she covers my front from the view of other people, big hands confidently guiding me into the much quieter hallway where only a few people were lining up for the bathrooms. It’s only then I look up and really study the face of the tall girl in front of me, quickly realising who it was that spilled her Shirley all over my white top.
Paige Bueckers is only hotter in person, her jaw that much more refined, long neck and broad shoulders and the way she towered over you making her seem bigger than she was. Her blue eyes are flickering everywhere but my chest as she drags me into the desolate end of the hallway. I’m sure I would’ve felt starstruck if the situation had been different, but the stress from work and the fabric smelling like grenadine and sticking to my body was only irritating me further, the blonde in front of me to blame.
Suddenly Paige starts pulling the back of her white hoodie to undress, the white t-shirt underneath rising enough to reveal the tan skin on her abdomen, her shorts low waisted enough to show the tiniest bit of a tan line. 
“What are you doing?” I ask confused as Paige pulls the hoodie over her head, fixing the shirt underneath it, silver chains dangling from her neck.
She hands the white hoodie at me, her blue eyes studying me. “What’s it look like, take it.”
I glance at the hoodie scrunched in her hands, being offered to me. The back of the hoodie is decorated with a large number 5, Paige’s last name written in big bold letters above it. 
Publicly Paige might have been loved, considered kind and grounded, but on campus people knew more. Sure, the girl was adored. But it hadn’t taken longer than staying at Storrs for a few days for the rumours to reach me, about her endless roster of girls who she never let sleep over, who she seduced into bed and then never called or texted. It had become a joke amongst the students that everyone knew - when you saw a girl wearing a shirt with Paige’s name on it, she was either fucked by her or wanted others to think so.
I shake my head at the hoodie, not wanting to be marked as one of them. I didn’t wanna be part of some sick fantasy Paige had about claiming girls.
“Nah I ain’t wearing that,” I chuckle bitterly, pushing the hoodie back, a jolt going through my body when my fingertips brush hers.
Confused, Paige’s brows furrow as she grabs the hoodie back. “Please, I really don’t mind. I feel really bad, just take it. You don’t even have to give it back.”
I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m not playing into some weird little fantasy and wearing a hoodie with your name and number on it.” Paige is quickly taken aback, brows only furrowing further.
“You.. I… Huh?!” She asks bewildered. 
“Please, everyone knows what those hoodies and shirts mean.”
“I got no clue what you’re talking about,” Paige chuckles, finding amusement in my defiance. “But I know you ain’t gonna work in that top for the rest of the night.”
She’s right. Why do I hate that she’s right? Thankfully the solution is right under my nose.
“I’ll take the t-shirt,” I say, my tone assertive. With a snort Paige’s brows rise as high as they can - I can’t tell whether she’s amused or shocked at my audacity. Perhaps a little bit of both.
With a chuckle she holds the hoodie over her forearm, piercing blue eyes landing on me. “Yo I don’t remember offering it.” There’s a spark in her eye, something that makes me bolder and certain that she’s enjoying this. So I play along.
“You don’t have to, I know you’ll give it to me.”
We stare at each other, both of us waiting for each other to fold. Finally Paige opens the bathroom door next to her, nodding her head for me to get in. She follows behind me, closing the door and locking us into the tight space. My back presses against the wall as she turns to me - I'll never forget the look she had on her face, the way her eyelids grow heavy and head tilts the tiniest bit upwards, making her neck that much longer. It’s in that moment, in the bright, fluorescent lights of the bathroom that I realise how blue her eyes are, how intense her gaze was. 
An involuntary blush grows on my cheeks, for a moment forgetting why we were here in the first place. Paige had seemed to forget as well, her tongue darting over her lips to wet them, the tight and enclosed space forcing us both to notice a tension. I clear my throat, my eyes snapping to the ground.
“Sooo the shirt?”
“Oh right,” Paige murmurs, finally breaking the intense stare.
I watch the way her hand grabs the back of her shirt, pulling it over her head. I feel something stir in my stomach when I notice the rings decorating her long fingers, the muscles in her shoulders flexing as her arms lifted. She’s wearing a grey sports bra underneath, and I’m surprised by how broad she looks shirtless like this, how refined but somehow soft her stomach looked. 
When I realise that I’m staring it’s already too late, Paige is grinning down at me and momentarily it makes my legs feel weak. Okay, I see what the fuss is about now.
“You good?” Paige smirks handing me her shirt and my eyes quickly flicker to the ceiling, back turning to her as I start pulling the damp top over my head. I can feel the blue eyes drilling into my skin, making me feel hot all over. Quickly I put on the white tee over my head, a whiff of deodorant and cologne making my head spin as I fix the much too large shirt. I tuck part of it into my bra, turning around and seeing the blonde pulling her hoodie back on, feeling a pang of disappointment when she hides the broad shoulders and the abs I had taken a liking to.
“Oh I’m Paige by the way,” she murmurs, pulling her head through the hoodie, hands sleeking her long hair back. 
I snort, raising my brows. “Very humble of you to assume I don’t know who you are.”
Sheepishly the blonde scratches the back of her head, shrugging. “Nah, I knew,” she smiles. “I just wanted to find out your name ma.”
The nickname brings an immediate heat to my core but I do my best to keep my cool. I doubt the blonde needed any ego boosts from me.
Trying to remain chill, I casually chuckle. “I’m Valerie.”
“Valerie,” Paige repeats. I never loved my name but hearing her say it was making me seriously reconsider. “I’ve seen you around campus, you know.”
“Oh?”
-
Valerie. The name feels smooth slipping from my lips, I wanted to say it again and again. It hadn’t been my intention to spill my Shirley all over her, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t happy about the situation it had got me in.
I must admit I had seen the brunette before, in fact I remember the very first time I saw her. It was her voice that drew me in, impossible to miss as I was walking back to the dorms with KK, Ice and Azzi. 
“HOW did you not know you need to add water to boil pasta?? What did you think boiling is?!”
There was something about the lilt in her voice, the way it echoed around campus, and the pure astonishment in her voice that got me to laugh before I had ever even met, yet alone seen her. I couldn’t help but turn my head, only to find that the owner of that beautiful voice was fittingly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
It was her hair that caught my eye first, it wasn’t just brown but the tones of gold made it sparkle in the late August sun, her golden jewellery only adding to the twinkle. Her eyes were big, getting even wider the more shocked her voice got on the phone. The gloss on her lips and the way her shirt showed just a little bit of cleavage caused very inappropriate thoughts one should not be having about a person they didn’t know at all.
Her legs were shorter yet somehow she took such hurried steps she passed me and the girls without a single look in my direction despite my obvious ogling. It was that moment I knew I had to have her.
So it must have been God’s plan all along for me to spill that Shirley all over her shirt. Because now I had her in a bathroom, pulling her shirt off, unable to look away from her lacy lavender bralette, trying to get the way her nipples peeked through her soaked top out of my head. To my pleasant surprise, I catch her dark eyes leering at me before I pull the hoodie back on. 
“You could’ve just come talk to me, there was no need to spill that drink on me,” Valerie chuckles, the annoyance in her tone making a heat pool between my legs. I should probably bring that up with a therapist.
Lifting my hands up in defiance I scoff. “Ma I swear it was an accident.”
“Sure.”
As she looks up at me I suddenly felt a desperate need for her approval, for her praise. Usually girls were quick to fold once I turned the rizz on. Valerie didn’t seem even a little bit affected - somehow it irked me and turned me on more simultaneously. For a moment I consider just pulling out the old trusty rizz hands but before I can process Valerie’s hand is on the door handle, stepping past me into the hallway, a whiff of coconut making my heart beat faster. I was usually smoother than this.
“Well thanks for the shirt Paige Bueckers,” Valerie smiles and walks out before I can say a word, leaving me speechless in the bathroom.
-
“Did you see the way he looked at me tho? Geno’s gon’ bench me for the whole season forreal.”
KK’s voice is faint in my ears as we sit at our usual table, leaning back on my chair to get a better view of her. Valerie’s pouring drinks to a couple guys, her nose scrunching a little as she giggles. Even in the dingy bar everything about her lit the place up.
I had come here three nights in a row now, sipping my Shirleys and trying to find courage to approach her with more than “A dirty Shirley thanks.” Normally approaching a girl and getting them naked into my bed was easy, nearly boring at this point - the five girls blowing up my phone on the daily proof of that. But something about Valerie was different, challenging. While it was intriguing it was also scary.
“Earth to P boogers?” KK pokes my side, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turn my head to her, raising my brows expectantly.
With a roll of her eyes, KK nods towards the bar where Valerie was alone now, humming to herself and playing with the ends of her hair. “Go talk to her.”
“Nah.”
“Bro.”
“What would I even say?”
“Rizz her up girl! Isn’t that your whole thing?”
I throw my head back and groan dramatically, throwing my arm over my eyes. She’s just a girl, if she didn’t want me the campus was full of other girls dying to fuck me. Why was I tripping over a girl like this - mind you, a girl I barely knew.
In truth I hadn’t stopped replaying every moment of that night I spilled my drink on her over and over. Thinking about the way Valerie’s top clung to her skin, the way her tits looked in that bra had made me drag my hand down my stomach, between my legs. But it was the memory of the way she stared me down that had brought me over the edge.
“Bro, you can’t come back tomorrow without talking to her, that shit is called stalking.”
KK was right. A fourth night in a row of just ogling over her would be nothing short of creepy. Finishing my drink, I finally get up and walk to the bar, butterflies growing with each step I take. Shit, shit, shit, shit.
“Hey,” Valerie says, her eyes twinkling as she looks at me and I immediately wanna go back to the table and just forget about all of this. How was I supposed to form comprehensible sentences when she looked at me like that? When her hair was pulled up messily in a clip, loose curls framing her face, white t-shirt hugging her curves. 
Before I have the chance to respond the brunette is already opening her mouth, a tiny grin on her face. “This is your third night in a row here.”
She’s noticed - no, she’s kept count. My confidence soars quickly as I look at the ground, my mouth twisting into a smile. “Oh you been counting huh?”
“Nah was just wondering if the student athlete was turning into an alcoholic,” Valerie rolls her eyes, leaning forward on her elbows against the bar, her breasts perking menacingly between her arms. I only let myself look for a second before using all my constraint to move my gaze elsewhere.
“Oh you worry about me?” My tongue slides over my lower lip, watching as she rolls her eyes once more. God I could get used to that sight. Her eyes rolling back because of me in a multitude of ways.
“Unfortunately it’s part of my job description.”
“To take care of me?”
Another eyeroll. “To not serve alcoholics.”
I chuckle softly, mirroring the brunette by leaning forward against my elbows. The faint scent of coconut makes its way into my nostrils again. “Damn, that’s a shame. They gon’ miss out on those Shirleys you make.”
Even in the dim lighting of the bar I can recognise the hint of a blush that rises to Valerie’s cheeks, her eyelids fluttering as she quickly looks away from me. The moment of silence is causing a stir in my abdomen, electricity palpable just for a moment. I got her, she’d be in my bed in no time. Maybe by tonight.
“Your shirt’s still in my dorm,” she says nonchalantly, breaking the tension of the moment by pushing herself off the bar and beginning to clear the glasses on the bar. I watch amused.
“You wanna keep it?” I grin, letting my eyes land on the curve of her ass as she bends over to pick up a beer cap off the floor. Goddamn, I better have that in my bed tonight. Rubbing my jaw I swiftly bring my eyes to look at the walls of the bar as the girl turns around, even more curls falling out of her clip now.
Valerie scoffs loudly like it’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard. “No.”
I kiss my teeth and raise my brows. “I could also come pick it up,” I grin, my blue eyes staring into the girl. “You know, after your shift ma?”
The look on Valerie’s face is priceless, a mixture of surprise and something I can’t quite recognise. Yeah I got her, she’d be between my legs in no time - those big brown eyes staring back at me as I pull on her hair, her perfect ass in the air. 
To my bemusement, instead of blushing or getting flustered Valerie’s hand flies to her mouth as she bursts into a bright laugh, her eyes squeezing shut as she does. The grin on my face quickly wipes off as I shift on my feet, my arms crossing over my chest. Seems like I might have to wait a little longer than I’d like to for this one.
Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Valerie shakes her head. “If it’s one thing you got Bueckers, it's audacity.”
Her indifference to my flirting irks me. At this point I usually gave up, looked for another girl - not that I had to nearly ever. I don’t think I’d worked this hard for a girl since coming to Uconn. But there was something about the brunette in front of me, something I couldn’t quite place, that made it impossible just to give up. Maybe it was time to move on to a more challenging territory. The pussy would be worth it, I knew it.
“You want a drink?” Valerie asks, finally recovered from her laughing fit. Without even thinking I shrug.
“Shirley.”
“Which way?”
A small smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth as I wiggle my brows. “Dirty.”
With another eyeroll the brunette gets to work. Part of me wanted to keep saying stupid things just so she’d roll her eyes at me one more time.
I watch her work for a moment, noticing the golden bracelet with a small charm dangling on it decorating her wrist as I thought of any other way to get her naked as soon as possible.
“You ever been to a game?” I ask, convincing myself that seeing me on the court would have the effect it usually had on girls.
“No, this is my first year here so,” she mumbles absentmindedly, mixing the bright red drink for me.
“You should come watch me sometime.”
A smile. Valerie’s mouth turns into a smile. I’ll take that as a win. Feeling the tiniest bit proud I smile too.
“Yeah? You any good?” The brunette asks seriously, but there’s a hint of something in her voice that tells me she’s teasing me. Just that is enough to get me going. I rarely found the chase to be this fun, but with her? I was fucked.
I shrug and bring my arm up, flexing the bicep that had grown exponentially over the summer. “Best player in the country, they say,” I grin.
Her eyes land on my flexed arm, softening for a moment before she returns to stirring the drink. “Now who’s they?”
“Just come see for yourself ma.”
As she places the drink on the bar I reach for my wallet, pulling out 30 bucks and leaving it on the counter.
“Hold on Bueckers, your change,” Valerie stops me as I’m about to head back but I shake my head at her, walking backwards.
“Keep it. Come see me play sometime.”
-
“Pick up… pick up… pick up…” I mumble under my breath, phone against my ear as the steady slow beeps keep taunting me, reminding me no one had answered to any of the tens of calls I had made. Groaning, I put the phone on the table, looking through the back door of Ted’s, over the liquor shipment sitting in the bright evening sun. It wasn’t meant to come till tomorrow, when the boys could carry all of it inside. Now it was just me, my pathetically small muscles and boxes full of liquor bottles and beers.
“Fuck,” I groan when the phone finally rings. Picking it up urgently, Natalie’s voice comes through.
“Riri you called me like five times, are you good?”
“The shipment came early,” I panic into the speaker.
“What?!”
“Mhm.”
“Have you tried-”
“Tried calling literally everyone. No one’s picking up,” sighing I push my hair back from my face, trying not to panic. “What do I do?”
“I’m out of town too,” Natalie murmurs as I’m leaning against the doorframe, digging my brain for any solution. A moment of silence falls between me and Natalie when I finally got it. Saying bye to the girl on the line I walk to the front - the bar is empty in the early Wednesday evening. But like clockwork at 9 pm the tall blonde opens the door and comes in for the 6th night in a row - this time alone.
Of course she looks great, wearing basketball shorts and a team USA hoodie she had grown too big for, evidently a little too small on her arms and shoulders, her hair in a ponytail. Her mouth twists into a smile as she sees me, long legs quickly reaching the bar.
“Well he-”
“Paige, I need your help.”
-
Paige stares at the shipment through the door frame as I shift on my feet, hating how I had to ask for help, especially from her. I, like everyone else, found Paige incredibly attractive, exceptionally charming. But the ego on her irked me. The way she looked at me like she could read my mind, the things she said to make me blush and that grin like she knew that it was just a matter of time before I’d join the long list of girls she took to bed and left high and dry. I refused to be one of those girls - but it was hard to ignore the flutters in my stomach that arrived routinely at 9 pm when the blonde made her way through the door and to the bar each night.
“How’d they leave a lil thing like you to deal with this?” Paige chuckles, elbowing me gently.
I rub my hand over my face, smiling too. “It came a day too early.”
Paige nods for a moment and shrugs. “Well let’s get to work ma.” 
With that she pulls the hoodie off, left in black basketball shorts and a black matching sports bra. I let myself look just for a second. Eyes roaming over her broad shoulders, the muscles in her stomach, the silver chain with a cross on it. It didn’t hurt to look now and then - as long as I didn’t ogle.
One by one Paige and I carry heavy boxes full of bottles inside Ted’s, though I’m slightly distracted by the way the blonde’s back muscles flex when she picks a box up, the way her jaw flexes when it’s a little too heavy for her. A bead of sweat trickles from her neck downwards along her spine as my gaze follows it, a heat pooling between my legs as I watch her.
Out of breath and slightly sweaty, I push my hair back trying to catch my breath. Paige takes note of this, blonde hairs sticking to her forehead as she walks over to me. This September heat was no joke.
Her blue eyes roam my face as both her hands grab a hold of my hips. A jolt of electricity runs through my body, her touch igniting a fire I hadn’t felt in a while. Our gazes meet, Paige licking her lips as her hand pushes my thick brown hair off my face. I find my heart beating so hard I swear it’s trying to make its way out of my chest. For a moment I think she’s about to kiss me.
“Why won’t you go get us something to drink?” Paige murmurs, her voice deep and gravelly in a way I had never heard before. 
My cheeks slightly pink I nod towards the boxes, my voice quiet as I speak. “But what about…?”
“I got it ma,” she assures me, never breaking eye contact. It’s almost dizzying, the tension between us. Reminding myself of what I knew about Paige’s roster, I finally look away, slightly disappointed when her hands drop off my waist.
Walking to the front I find the bar still empty of customers. I grab a bottle of water, chugging it in an attempt to bring myself to my senses. Don’t be stupid Valerie, everyone knows how this could end up if I make the wrong choices here.
Filling two glasses to the brink with ice and coke, I return to the back, eyes landing on Paige and her arms that flex as she lifts up another box, making my mouth go dry. I quickly sip the coke, ignoring the way my legs had been growing weaker the more sweaty Paige got. As the last box hits the floor and all the work is done, Paige closes the door finally locking the scorching heat out and grabs the glass from my hand. We both feel the same goosebumps down our spines as our fingertips graze, forcing our eyes to meet.
“Thanks for the help,” I murmur, my voice weaker than I’d like. Paige’s chest is heaving, whether from the physical strain or the tension of the moment I don’t know. “I owe you.”
Paige shakes her head, blue piercing eyes still locked in mine. “Nah, always down to help a pretty girl out.”
I hate that I blush, but I can’t help it. I hand the blonde the glass of coke and watch the way her throat bobs as she drinks, my lips itching to kiss there. I was falling for her tricks quicker than I’d like.
“I uh, how about you don’t have to pay for your Shirleys?” I offer, voice slightly shaky,
Paige grins and places her glass on a side table, leaning against the closed backdoor. “I don’t need anything free, trust,” she grins, heavy lidded eyes looking down at me. “Besides, how will I tip you then?”
“You tip way too much,” I giggle, brushing my fingertips through my long brown locks.
Paige shrugs. “I tip just enough,” she murmurs hoarsely, licking her lips as her fingers come up to toy with the ends of my hair. I swallow hard, my panties growing damp between my thighs. The blonde breathes out heavily through her nostrils, still watching me. “Just come see a game and we’re even.”
My eyelids flutter shut when Paige’s hand carefully moves from my hair to the side of my jaw and I can’t help but nod. 
“Okay,” I murmur breathlessly, head spinning with need.
Licking her lips, Paige’s eyes land on mine. “Valerie?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna kiss you now.”
“O-okay.”
With all my restraint, all my plans to stay strong forgotten, I do the exact opposite of what I planned. Paige leans down and her lips crash into mine, an involuntary moan leaving my mouth. My stomach flutters as I lean into her, my hands wrapping around her neck as I get on my tiptoes to reach her better. The blonde’s hands land on my waist, pulling my body closer to her, breathing heavily through her nose. 
It’s dizzying, the way she kisses me, the way her touch feels against my skin leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I feel completely overwhelmed yet dying for more, all the patience leaving my body at once. Like reading my mind, Paige’s hands fall from my waist to my ass, gripping harshly as she groans against my lips. My core is already throbbing, the sounds coming out of the girl kissing me only making it worse.
There’s a sense of urgency when Paige backs me into the side table, sitting me on it. My legs quickly wrap around her waist as her tongue slides over my bottom lip before biting on it gently. I let out a whimper that makes the blonde grin.
“Been dying to fuck you. Will you let me?” She pants against my mouth and I have no other choice but to nod, my body aching for her.
“Please,” the plea spills from my lips as Paige sloppily kisses along my jaw, all the way to my neck. She gently nibbles, eliciting a hiss from me when she reaches the spot under my ear that was most sensitive. She sucks on it harder, her hands gripping my denim covered thighs firmly.
“How wet are you?” The blonde murmurs, her breath hot in my ear sending tingles down my spin all the way to my cunt that was dripping. 
“So wet Paige,” I whimper, feeling Paige’s hands travel up my thighs and squeeze again, other hand pulling off my white t-shirt, leaving me in a black lace bra and jeans. Paige pulls back and watches my chest, licking her lips.
“Goddamn look at those tits,” she mumbles, more to herself than me before her lips attack my chest, kissing all over, teeth grazing over my bra where my hard nipple is poking through.
The lack of contact between my legs felt excruciating, like some sort of torture. With a whine I roll my hips into Paige, pulling her closer with my legs. Her blue eyes look up at me from my chest menacingly, hand coming to toy with the button of my jeans. 
“Tell me what you want, baby.”
Panting, I collect myself enough to speak. “Touch me, P.”
“I am touching you,” she teases, kissing along my neck again.
“You know what I mean.”
“Need to hear you say it ma.”
Frustrated, I tilt my head back, the need between my legs becoming overwhelming. Her hand was unzipping my pants now, torturing me.
“Fuck okay just touch my pussy Paige, now please,” I whine eliciting a smirk from Paige as her fingertips slip underneath my lace panties.
“You want my mouth or fingers?”
“Whatever you want just now please!”
“Oh you’re gonna regret saying that.”
With that Paige’s fingers make their way into my folds, gasping with me as she feels how wet I had grown in this past hour watching her work. With a practiced ease her fingertips press against my clit, starting to rub against it in tight circles. 
“Oh fuck,” I whine, my head tilting back. Paige’s other hand quickly covers my mouth and suddenly I’m reminded that any customer coming in could hear us from the front of the bar.
“Gotta keep quiet for me, yeah?” The blonde reminds me and I nod, my eyes meeting hers. My moans are muffled by her hand as she continues the movement of her fingers.
“Fuck, gotta take these off,” she murmurs, her voice low and hoarse as she pulls my jeans down, moaning at the sight of my black, lacy panties. “Gotta see this pussy.”
Her hands pry my legs open, fingertips digging into my thighs as she slides my panties to the side, my glistening cunt proof of how bad I needed her. 
Paige hisses, unable to look away as her fingers swirl in my folds, gathering wetness before returning to my clit, rubbing back and forth so fast I let out a loud gasp. The blonde’s free hand returns to my mouth, eyes warning me. “Quiet, remember?”
“Mhmm,” I mumble against her hand, my eyes fluttering shut as she speeds up even more, my pussy already throbbing, aching to be filled. Paige’s hand on my mouth pushes me backwards, my back hitting the cold wood of the table. 
“Attagirl.” 
-
My fingertips tease her entrance, circling around it menacingly. She looked incredible like this, even better than in all my fantasies, back arching and head thrown back, mouth covered by my big hand making her look even smaller for me. The sounds she was making were driving me insane, causing my own cunt to throb and soak all the way through my boxers.
Her hips buck, clearly not a fan of my teasing as she whines against my hand. God, I could listen to these sounds forever,
“You want my fingers?” I ask, panting just from my own need. She nods, her big brown eyes pleading, nearly making me come merely from the way she was looking at me.
“Two’s good yeah?” I ask, two of my fingers so close to dipping in. It takes all my restraint now to pound them into her when she nods. Instead I slowly push them in, my eyelids fluttering shut at how wet and warm and tight she felt around me, how I could quite literally feel her pussy throbbing around my fingers.
She gasps, her eyes rolling back at the stretch caused by me, and I can’t help myself when I lower myself onto her knee, grinding my cunt against the bones there making me groan breathily.
I start slowly pumping my fingers in and out of Valerie, unable to take my eyes away from her cunt, the way it’s swallowing me up, sucking me back in each time I try and pull away.
Hoping the brunette remembers to stay quiet, I pull my hand back from her mouth, kneading her left breast as I grind my own hips against her knee.
“More,” she whimpers, pretty eyes squeezed shut and back arching.
“Whatever you want baby,” I whisper, my own mind so drunk off her I couldn’t keep up with the composure I’d had in the beginning.
I push a third finger inside her, curling them just right to press against the spongy part inside her making her gush around my fingers. I could barely think straight, doing everything not to come all over her knee before she finished.
The sounds coming from her body are downright sinful, the wet sounds of my fingers curling inside her cunt making my legs shake. I don’t know how I’d ever get enough.
When I start pumping those three fingers in and out of her with more force, Valerie turns into a mess, her thighs trembling, body writhing on the wooden table and eyes squeezed shut, hands trying to grip onto anything they could - the table, her own breasts, even me. In a haze I offer her my free hand, letting her fingers grip my hand as I pump my fingers faster, palm hitting against her clit.
“Paige, I’m close,” she cries out, urging me on as her knee presses against my swollen clit in my boxers, forcing me to bite down on my lip hard to not moan.
“Fuck ma, so fucking sexy,” I groan, watching the way her head tilts back as her cunt tightens around my fingers.
“Yes, don’t stop, don’t stop.”
“I got you Val,” I moan, rocking my hips back and forth on her knee, my juices gushing out of me as I fight my eyes from rolling back.
“Paige, shit, I’m-”
Suddenly she’s covering her own mouth with her hand, her back arching off the table as her cunt clenches around my fingers, but I don’t ease up, I keep up with my movements. The way her face is scrunching up is enough to get my own orgasm to take over me, my movements on her knee turning sloppy and desperate as I come all over her while my fingers pump in and out of her. I’m unable to look away.
A guttural groan leaves my body as Valerie’s muffled moans fill the room, waves of pleasure taking over us simultaneously. There’s something addicting about it, the way we’re both riding out our orgasms at the same time.
“Goddamn,” I sigh, eyes watering as my movements slow down, enjoying the way she’s throbbing around my fingers. Valerie’s eyes flutter open and I swear she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. We’re both panting, the moment over far too quickly to my liking. I could never be done that fast with a girl like this.
Pulling my fingers out, I kneel between the brunette’s legs, pulling the panties off her completely. Face to face with her glistening cunt I decide this is the most perfect pussy I have ever seen in my life - and there have been quite a few.
“Wh-what are you doing?” She asks me, her voice still shaky from her climax as she sits back up.
“Need to taste this pussy,” I murmur, my eyes locked onto her cunt, hands spreading it open, making my mouth water.
“Paige I have to get back to work,” she whines, looking down at me as I begin to kiss her inner thighs, pulling her legs over my shoulders. “There could be customers.”
“There aren’t,” I say matter of factly. Truthfully there was no way for me to know, but I needed to have my mouth on this pussy right fucking now.
“How do you- oh fuck.”
My eyes flutter shut at the taste of her, my tongue dipping inside her and slowly circling. I wrap my arms around her thighs, pulling her closer as I drag my tongue upwards through her folds to her red, swollen clit, lapping at it. I can already tell this isn’t gonna be a one time thing. There was no universe in which I didn’t get to have my face buried in this pussy at least once a week.
“Wait wait wait, too much-” she hisses but then I press my tongue flat against her and shake my head, making her gasp and throw her head back. I hum against her pussy, taking turns lapping her up sloppily and shaking my head against her, drinking all of her up.
“Valerie,” I moan into her cunt. I usually didn’t like saying the names of the girls I fucked during sex but something about the softness of the letters, the way the name felt in my mouth made me wanna repeat it over and over like some sort of oath, like a prayer.
“Taste so fucking good,” groaning I suck on her clit, listening to her hiss. “Could eat this pussy forever ma.”
The shake in her legs tells me I’m getting her there again, and her hands finally find my hair, making me moan as they pull on it suddenly. When my tongue precisely licks over the right side of her clit she lets out a guttural moan, my own need pooling in my boxers once more.
“Right there?” I ask, repeating the movement of my tongue, taking it as confirmation when she cries out and her back arches. Copying the movement of my tongue over and over again I keep working her, my face getting covered in her, my own spit dripping down her pussy making an even bigger mess. The thick thighs around my head are beginning to shake, pressing to the sides of my face. I pry them further open, with enough force to bruise her. The brunette doesn’t seem to mind though, her whimpers turning high pitched and desperate.
“Shit shit shit shit,” she repeats quietly, her whole body trembling.
“Gonna cum for me again?”
“Mhmm,” she mewls, nails digging into my scalp.
My fingers spread her pussy further apart, my tongue moving even faster on her clit now as her hips squirm, my lips following her.
“Paige fuck right there,” she gasps and I keep going, the strain in my jaw merely an afterthought, only thing on my mind getting the brunette in front of me to come all over my face.
“You got it baby, c’mon,” I praise against her, copying the movements from before as her grip in my hair tightens.
“I, Fuck-” she gasps and she’s coming again, pulling my face closer as she squirms all over the table, my tongue not easing up as the pleasure takes over her. I swear I feel just as euphoric, watching her like this.
When her whines turn high pitched I ease up my movements, wiping my mouth on her thigh before getting up from the floor. Valerie’s out of breath and her eyes are heavy, mascara smudged underneath her eyes and lips plump from the rough kissing. I don’t know what does it, but something I can’t control makes me lean down and kiss her. I never kiss girls after sex.
Just as I’m about to speak, the bell on the door jingles, returning both of us back to the backroom of Ted’s, the fluorescent lights suddenly harsh and overwhelmingly bright. 
“Shit,” Valerie gasps and starts getting dressed in record time. I watch her, my brain still mush from what we just did. She quickly brushes her hands through her long hair and rushes to the front, leaving me alone.
“Hi, what can I get ya?” I hear her faint voice a little too perky compared to how she normally sounded.
Wiping my lips I stare at the calendar on the wall marking everyone’s shifts, but all I see is Valerie. Blinking stupidly I wipe my mouth, my mouth twisting into a small smile. The heat in my cheeks and the butterflies in my stomach made themselves known - informing me that this girl would have me utterly, completely fucked from now on.
-
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helslastangel · 6 months ago
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I'm back bxtches
Random Observations #9
Y'all still need the disclaimer or will reason prevail?
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🦂 Scorpio Mars are POWERHOUSES in my not-so-humble opinion. If you are prone to procrastination, especially in your career or as an entrepreneur, Aries Mars might hype you up but a Scorpio Mars (esp in 10H) is gonna make damn sure you finish your to-do list.
I had a friend with this placement and she literally bribed me with weed to come to her house, then she took my phone and house keys and made me sit and finish designing my business cards and send them to Vistaprint before she'd give my damn keys back. Made over $5K USD from my next few clients though so I wasn't even mad about it lol
🦀 I don't care what the astrology girls like to say - my observations of Cancer moons is that they are FORGIVING AF. Like it takes a lot for a Cancer moon to be really done with you and chances are you're more wrong than they are.
Cancer moons come off as manipulative to a lot of people. But when you actually dig below the surface, you'll notice this common thread where people who aren't good at seeing other people's points of view unless they need something immediately project that attitude onto people who genuinely give a shit.
Obviously there are evil Cancer moons and they're extra terrifying for the above reason, but they're the minority and the slander is unnecessary imo. The people who have literally put up with my WORST behavior the longest and genuinely dropped it after a good open conversation were all Cancer moons.
👬 Which leads me to another interesting astro trope I'd like to kick over right about now. Gemini moons. Love them but in my experience they are usually what people think Cancer moons are. Gemini moons, from my observation, don't soak up as much, if any, of other peoples' energies. They're gonna keep it moving emotionally regardless of how you wanna be in the moment. That means they can easily smile with you for years if that's the path of least resistance, but that does NOT mean they particularly like, care about or think highly of you at all. They MIGHT, but you will NOT know unless they want you to know or you somehow trigger them enough to rip the black tape off the redacted parts of their mental file on you.
If you're someone who is used to everything being totally transparent and straightforward, you're in for a wild ride with a Gemini moon in your life. I've had quite a few as friends or coworkers, etc., and I promise without fail there always came the day where I ended up wiping tears of laughter from my eyes, feet up on my desk, twiddling my thumbs listening to the 11-minute voice note from the latest Gemini moon in my life. Pretty much telling me in no uncertain terms exactly what they thought of me, where I should go, why, and how happy they would be to direct me there personally.
As a Capricorn moon, I never have the kind of reaction they'd like to this but it's always interesting to see the abrupt change as they can literally seem perfectly cool 3 minutes before the other twin takes over. I don't even think it's a good or bad thing, just how it goes.
Cancer moons seem this way but chances are you chose to ignore the VERY OBVIOUS SIGNS THAT SOMETHING (probably everything) was wrong, lol. Cancer moons can't hide their feelings for shit (reason #101 why I love them; it's easier for me to fix a problem if i can quickly see there is one 😂).
🦁 Let's change tracks and talk about Leo mercuries for a minute. Y'all get your inside and outside voices mixed up a LOT, lol. Every Leo mercury I know had trouble speaking quietly in quiet-appropriate situations but then catch them outside trying to get their friends attention at the other side of the street and suddenly it's like Tom got their tongue and tossed it to Jerry. Can barely get a sound out. Why is that? I know it wouldn't be all Leo mercuries but for those who experience this, please tell me what it is, I'm genuinely curious lol. As a Libra mercury I kinda have a similar problem. On another note, I've noticed that Leo mercuries can be highly persuasive people even if solely because of the amount of power and confidence they put behind the things they say.
My ex-husband has Leo Mercury at 24° (Pisces degree) and I promise you that man could make you believe anything against your will 😂 One time he was trying to get out of having to go to a friend's event and rather than just decline like a normal person, he crafted this masterpiece of an excuse that somehow involved me needing his attention (I had been on the couch under his arm half the day so no lol) but the way he spoke on the phone?
I swear to God even I caught myself nodding along all like "yeah, yes I did feel a bit neglected today and wanted more time with babe"... 😂😂😂 like NO TF I DID NOT FEEL NEGLECTED AT ALL but I got second-hand convinced lol. And yes he was loud when I or his friends were 12 inches away but couldn't raise his voice for shit to order through the drive-thru at McDonald's lol it was cute, though, I'd do the yelling into the intercom thing 😂
🐟 Lemme say this about Pisces suns - you are very underrated, from my observations. I've noticed Pisces suns in particular struggle with one of two major issues when it comes to others' perceptions of them - either people seem compelled to minimize/infantilize their contributions and achievements, or people fail to notice they exist altogether (or forget about them easily). I've always held my Pisces sun friends close for as long as I could and hyped them up because nearly every Pisces sun I've met has been incredibly talented and usually creative in some way. I'm talking genius levels of ability in some area that goes completely overlooked or undervalued by the majority of people in their circles.
These are the people who you vaguely notice as the cool server, hot bartender, friendly delivery guy, helpful sales associate, only for you to run into them somewhere else and you find out they run a whole personal training business or play 6 instruments perfectly and give lessons to kids, or taught themselves professional photography and have a camera in their bedroom worth more than your savings account. I've met so many Pisces suns who seemed to be one way and then there were so many layers to them that it was like reading an interactive novel.
That's what was on my mind for now, drop your favorite placement from your own chart in the comments, I'll compile them for random observations #10 😘
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unknown-till · 1 month ago
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HIIIIIII!!!! sorry if this is like a stupid ask lol, but could you do a stamp tutorial? your stamps are always so high quality oml, how do you resize your gifs and images???
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HIIII and no worries, I can totally make a stamp tutorial! (⌒▽⌒)
I’ll be going through on how to make a normal image stamp and then a gif stamp. By following these two tutorials, you’ll be able to make stamps just like these!
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PROGRAM USED ★ Ibispaint
STAMP TEMPLATE BY ★ AHMED-ART on Deviantart.
To start off, you must find an image you’d like to make into a stamp. Then, find a stamp template you think would pair well with your image. There are many different types of stamp templates out there and you can find a lot of them on Deviantart.
Make sure to read the terms of use for the template before using though! Here is the template I will be using for this tutorial.
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Making stagnant stamps is easy once you got the steps down. You can use any art program and follow a similar process, but I only use Ibispaint to create mine.
First, create a canvas that is the same width and height as your stamp template. This one is 97x57. Most stamp templates have super similar proportions. If you are unsure of your stamps dimensions, you can create a 100x100 canvas then crop it around the stamp template once you have inserted it.
(Brush icon -> Canvas button -> Trim)
To get higher quality on the image inside your stamps: the closer the better! For example:
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See how the first stamp’s image is rather far away? This makes the quality appear much lower. However, once you zoom in, it becomes higher! So I recommend finding images to create stamps out of that you are able to zoom in on so the quality can pop.
You’ll need to erase the parts of the image that don’t fit inside the stamp so it remains transparent around the border.
If you want to change the border color of the stamp, fill in the canvas with the color you want. Then, clip it to the stamp border. Lastly, go and set it on multiply. This will change the stamp borders color!
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If you want to put a line texture on your stamp, you can utilize the ruler tool in Ibispaint to draw lines over your stamp.
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I’ll add these every once and awhile to my stamps for fun. If you set the opacity of the lines to 10%, it’ll end up looking something like this.
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And that’s the completed stamp!
Changing the border color and adding the line texture is completely optional, though it’s always fun to customize stamps!
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PROGRAMS USED: Ibispaint, Ezgif
GIF stamps are a little trickier, but the process is not too difficult once you got it down!
First, find a gif that you would like to make into a stamp. I’ll be using this one!
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if you want to have a different colored or customized stamp border, you must edit it on Ibispaint before like explained above.
You can combine the layers and save them transparently so it’ll end up looking something like this.
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I made this one blue and added a gradient to it to match the gif I want to make into a stamp! You can add a gradient to the border by adding a darker color onto the multiply layer then using an airbrush to blend both colors together in the middle on both sides of the template.
Now, open up Ezgif and click the tab called Crop. Then, insert your stamp template there. The way I find the dimensions of the inside of the stamp is by cropping my way around the inside of the template.
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The dimensions inside this template in particular are 91x51. This is what we will resize our gif to! Before we can do that, click the crop tab again at the top of the page to refresh it and then insert your gif. This isn’t required to do, but I like to crop my gifs a bit so they focus more on what is going on inside my stamp. Like I said before, the closer the better, as it will make the quality higher!
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Now that we have our cropped gif, click the tab called resize at the bottom of the page. The dimensions of the inside of this stamp are 91x51, so insert those numbers in the width and height boxes to then resize the gif.
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Next step is to click the overlay tab at the bottom. You will need to click the button that says “extend canvas size” so we have room to overlay the stamp template on top of the gif. After extending the size, upload the stamp template as an overlay where it says choose file.
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On computer, after clicking upload image, you can just drag the stamp template over the gif and situate it. However, you can also figure out the number coordinations to fix the template ontop of the gif by messing around with it a bit. I make my graphics on my phone so I use the numbers instead of dragging.
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Left means to move the template left or right depending on the numbers you insert. Top moves the template up or down. The left for this template is 42 and the top is 21. It takes a bit of messing around to find the exact numbers.
Now that the template is ontop of the gif, all that is left to do is to crop the space around it. Click the crop tab again at the bottom of the page and then click where it says “trim transparent pixels around the image.” This will easily crop the extra space around the stamp.
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Click download to save your gif and that’s it! Here is the finished product!
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The whole process for making gif stamps is always the same, the only things that can vary or change are the dimensions of the gif (so it can fit inside different templates) and the left/right.
I hope you find this tutorial helpful and if anyone needs anything else explained, let me know. These stamps are free to use if anyone would also like to use them.
Happy stamp making everyone! 🩷
Dividers (c) @coco-coquette
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shnarky-blogs · 10 months ago
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OKAY HOLD ON CUZ ITS ABOUT TO GET FREAKY IN HERE
Being an astronaut and having your ship preached by feral aliens!! The system board of your ship blinking rapidly,,headquarters trying to get into contact with you!! You've been quiet for days on end,,
Little did they know you were being passed around and bounced on the little group of aliens that hijacked your ships ><!!
now let's say these aliens know nothing about the human anatomy so they didn't really understand at first that that was a binder and not a part of you they figured it out while they were pounding into you and the binder came a little loose and one of them discovered you could take it off !! and boom two stress balls like a mystery surprise box 😖
and ofc like I said these poor guys know nothing about human anatomy so of course they get surprised when a transparent liquid came out of you when they've been overstimulating you for hours on end wondering what caused you to suddenly clench super tightly and squirt around their poor alien cocks 😋
they didn't know but they had to get you to do it again no matter what !!
these poor aliens fucking the life our of you and being surprised when you're just blabbering and your eyes rolled back, humans surely are strange creatures but God did they love the way you feel
( Sorry I got distracted its pretty weird so it's totally okay if you don't answer this TYYY❤)
Ughhhh! Im shitting cum cus this is so good like UGHHHHHHHHH, everyone needs to know about this masterpiece.
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hrtwve · 3 months ago
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dissociate ౨ৎ
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౨ৎ about ─── you died moons ago. now, you sit, running your hands through viktor's hair as stars pass around you.
or: viktor shares bad news. (viktor x gn! reader)
౨ৎ cw ─── angst heavy, mentions of death, physical intimacy (mwah), sexual implications if you squint.
author notes can be found at the end of each fanfiction ⟡ ⋆˚
(total w.c 1.2k)
₊˚⊹ ───
Light fragments fall from elsewhere, drawing bodies closer to the centre of existence; crystals, broken, dance. There is blinding, piercing, light balanced by dark which exudes everywhere. Memories faded from view, burning through the mind in a supernova crashing across space; memories of life now gone. The echoes of past drift through this place, cascading down in waterfalls of rainbow and pooling through the air. The ground is hollow, the sky pure. Stars glitter the lining of the horizon and burn through forms, hands and heads barely visible in the glow. Glorious technicolour spins, raining o'er static objects.
Your fingers run their steady hand through his soft hair, the sensation quite real, nerve impulses binding to the shape of a caress to maintain response. Yet your nerves were no more, shattered by the mere mention of nightmare, the very core that pulled you, strangled you, straight through its heart. Your nails find his scalp, tickling his head before returning to the soft mass of glittering fibre. A low hum sounds from his parted lips, head lolled onto its side, comfortably situated in your lap. His weight is light, his cheek locking into your leg like a lost piece of a forgotten puzzle. His shoulders rise and fall with a heavy sigh, a break in his thoughts, a signal. Your hand continues its journey.
"I do not wish to alarm you." His voice barely below a whisper, accent dripping from his tongue, bleeds into the air. His hands are lulled, placed adjacent to his face, hair is messy against your form as it flows beautifully, rivers of white drooping along high cheekbones. He sighs yet again, the pause in his continuation a clear sign of heavy heart. You almost wonder if he will complete the statement, stomach-turning in noughts from your quick worry, although your hands still find themselves absentmindedly stroking curls. "But," Another beat. "I feel I am slowly... decaying."
You half expect him to turn, to face your wide eyes as tears threaten to fall. Yet he reclines, stagnant, like a memory frozen in time. Body glittering with the strength of a thousand suns, he lays, surrounded by the blanketed mist of beams. The light, a sacred entity to this space, without it ─ oblivion. A single droplet topples down your cheek, rushing a translucent tear behind. Salted water splashing against the high bones in his face, dissipating into nothing when it lands. He stirs, your hand moving to accommodate the new position of his head, brushing soothing patterns into his hairline. Glittering gold eyes meet wandering stare, weeping, tearful, and a furrow appears in between the folds of his brow.
"Don't shed tears for a man predestined for a premature death." He mutters, taking one of his striking hands, colours drifting through the transparent skin, and placing his fingertips against your jaw. The friction barely scratches the surface, nails briefly leaving their mark on your star-clustered skin. Soft, gentle, his features dance across his face in haze covered glow, affection dripping from the droop of his eye, the parting of his lip.
Nature strikes another good soul from its pedestal, although he was always given fewer opportunities than the others. From childhood, born different, odd. Youth prejudice is born as maturity arrives, resulting in isolation from those he loved most. Outcast, he found solace in intimacy within his own soul, introverted, shy; but not helpless. Until compassion forgave his innocent mind, blessing him an angel. Childhood love blooms into bouquet in adulthood; intimacy beckoning from a hollow wound of loneliness. Your fingers tangling in accidental hallway bumps, resulting in longing glances; picturing the coming hours when dusk had finally settled. Souls intertwined, abandonment could not be pondered. Galaxies withheld your love, your passion, you would dissipate as he did.
"I feel I must." You breathe, highlights dancing through your dreams, floating on a cloud of affection. Reaching higher, his calloused fingers cup your cheek, rubbing slow circles into your skin. Time ticks on like a slow heartbeat, the wave of love bleeding through the atmosphere in tidal fashion. "I care for you so, Viktor."
The comment alerts him, frightens him, from his familiar position. He changes his nature as he rises, straightening himself away from your grasp. You twist, finding solace in his gaze, a soft expression momentarily dances before a serious brow plays upon his features. Shards of stardust play against his cheek, colours dancing through his locks, brushing down the sides of his face. Respect twangs upon your heart strings, like a bard on a lyre — he looks, feels, dream-like. The sensation of fingertips caresses your skin like nothing before, warming your soul in the colours of amber. In his movements, he brings your faces together, kissing your foreheads, embracing minds into one.
"Do not fret." The words pour like honey, yet they still lay heavy on your already breaking heart. You find your hands climbing, losing themselves in his already messy hair. Your breaths mingle, if it were temperate you would feel the air leave and form clouds between your bodies. "This was always meant to be," He pauses, pulling his head back to stare into your eyes, yet never removing his hands from their position. "Surely you were aware?"
A recollection of suffering plaques your downtrodden mind, swimming through pools of sorrow and lapping in an ocean of despair. Your attempt to strangle the siren's call ultimately resulted in failure, the depressing truth now set out before you; anticipation returning as dred. You envisioned his passing, decaying from the mortal domain, returning to the cosmos of wence he came; materialised in the stars above. Yet this place was neither Heaven or Hell, and both parties would be banished in future; you weren't aware of how soon this future would be.
"I was." You breathe, tickling your fingers up his sideburn and into his platinum hair, tugging in a quick sign of affection. Catching a strand in between your digits, you twirl the curl through and allow it to spring back, meeting its maker. Although your tears have left their parting gift, your chest tightens with sorrow, becoming increasingly agonising and bubbling deep within your throat. A choke escapes your throat, "I was not quite aware of the immediate action."
His eyes dare part for yours as the words fall from your whisper, blowing into his psyche, toppling his confidence. In this moment you are forever, timeless, stuck in an everlasting loop of forgiveness and pain. He pulls you towards him once more, connecting your bodies in a state of pure bliss, lips brushing yours in a delicate kiss. His hands roam, traversing the back of your head like buried treasure, padding their way across the skin lying there. You press a quick sound into his lips, but it is quickly lost in the entanglement of both body and mind. Your fingertips dance against his cheekbones, forgetting, only for an instant, that you were lost to your mortal frame. He retreats for a moment, tucking a solitary strand behind your ear into its rightful place.
"For now, my love, I shall remain," He whispers, so low that the cosmos could bearly apprehend, placing a solitary kiss on the tip of your nose, and wrapping your body closer to his chest. Blossomed warmth fills your once hollow chest, an urge to believe in the present.
₊˚⊹ ───
i hope you enjoyed my first offical post!. i really adore the shots within season 2 picturing viktor, jayce, or sky in the beautiful galaxy space, where their features (save face and hands) are glowing white; it's just so breathtaking. as you can probably tell, my love for those moments brought me to writing this short piece! i must say this is shorter than i am used to writing, but think of it as a short piece to get me back into the swing of things... anyway i love you so much for making it this far mwah! x
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rhyrhy · 3 months ago
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Slut me out series finale ˚ · .˚ ༘🦋⋆。˚
Football! Fuckboy! Abby Anderson x female reader!
Cw: toxic relationships, language, college/ modern setting Abby!, no talks on body or race specifics! Player! Abby.
MDNI- Mlist for previous chapters
Final chapter: Touchdown
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The past two months had been anything but pleasant.
Before the semester, all you cared about was school, your family, and trying to enjoy life while simultaneously jumping over any hurdles college threw your way. But lately, all of that had taken a backseat to a constant whirlwind of confusing emotions. all stemming from one woman.
One woman who you knew was a bad idea to get involved with but did anyway. And then you kept doing it—again and again and again—until you drove yourself up a wall. Her lack of transparency and flip-flopping emotions hadn’t made the ride any less bumpy, either.
This wasn’t what you needed—not now, not before winter break, and definitely not ever.
Flashback. November 16th
Abby held you against her, her arm wrapped around you and her chin hooked over your shoulder as you came down, her lips pressing kisses against your neck and jaw. She chuckled, her voice tired and somewhat strained.
“You look pretty like that,” she whispered, her words filled with praise.
She laughed softly, gently turning you around to face her, your body still pressed flush against hers. Her hands ran over your skin, tracing the sweat soaked flesh, the pads of her fingers gliding across your sides in a soothing, almost reverent, manner
A part of her loved seeing you this way, laid out and vulnerable and spent in her bed, the evidence of your time together obvious on both your skin and the sheets beneath.
As you pulled her towards She shifted, stretching her body out on top of yours, not quite laying her full weight on you, but enough to remind you of her presence
“Can’t get enough of me, huh?,” she continued with a grin. Laughing when you rolled your eyes at her
——
January, 23rd 1:55 pm
You shook your head of those thoughts. The final minutes of the lecture and your focus was on the clock above the whiteboard. 1:55 PM. Five minutes until class ended. Five minutes until you’d be walking out of the door and heading to meet Abby.
Knowing better, You still hadn’t told anyone. Not Layla, not Charity. Layla would have definitely given you an earful about why meeting up with Abby was a ‘terrible idea’, and, honestly, she’d probably be right. But you couldn’t face this conversation with anyone’s voice in your head other than your own. you needed to think.
So you’d lied.
As the class dismissed , and you packed up slowly, trying to gather your thoughts. Was this conversation gonna be pointless like the other ones? what was she even gonna say? What did she even wanna talk about? at this point so much has happened that you even know where to start.
On your way out, you passed Layla, who gave you a curious look.
“Hey, still on for later?”
“Actually, I’ve got something I need to do,” you said, trying to sound casual. “Rain check?”
Layla tilted her head. “Oh okay, sure…You good?”
“Yeah, totally. Just… school …stuff,” you lied. Cringing at your answer. She didn’t push further, but the guilt of somewhat deceiving her sat heavy as you made your way to the coffee shop where Abby asked to meet. Your mind was screaming at you to turn around. This was pointless.
It wasn’t like you didn’t want closure—you did. But you weren’t sure what Abby could say that would fix anything. You weren’t even sure why you agreed to meet. Maybe some part of you wanted to see if this was different. Or maybe you just needed confirmation that it wasn’t.
—-
Abby was already there, sitting at an outdoor table. She spotted you approaching and sat up straighter, fidgeting with the hem of her hoodie sleeve. Her usual confidence seemed almost gone, replaced with something hesitant. Unsure of herself.
“Hey,” she said as you sat down across from her.
“Hey,” you replied flatly, setting your bag down.
Yup, This was awkward. At this rate, she’s been between your legs more than you’ve had actual conversation so of course this was plainly..just awkward, but a needed conversation. This now, just depend on if Abby was gonna open up or you were walking out that door. A few more moments of silence past before one of you spoke up. 
“…Thanks for coming,” she started. Her voice was quieter than usual, missing the confidence you’d always associated with her.
“Mhm” you nodded, crossing your arms and letting her lead the conversation.
She exhaled, running a hand over her face. “I—” She stopped, her brows furrowing as she tried to find the words. “I know I’ve messed this up. I’m sorr—“
you interrupted, already feeling your frustration bubbling up. “Unt unt, see, If this is just going to be another half-assed apology so you can feel better, then I’m out”
Your words hung in the air for a beat too long for the growing irritation you had. Minutes passed and finally, You moved to grab your bag, ready to leave when Abby’s voice stopped you.
“You are leaving?— Wait!” she said, coming out almost desperate. You froze, looking at her, and for a moment, she just sat there… again. struggling to find the words. Then, like a dam breaking, it all came pouring out in a babble.
“This is so stupid—..but…i ..I was cheated on, okay?” she blurted, her voice cracking slightly. “Freshman year. I was with someone, thought it was serious, thought I could trust her, and then I found out she was hooking up with someone I thought was my friend.”
You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden vulnerability in her voice. Abby wasn’t looking at you anymore; her gaze was fixed on the table, her hands clenched tightly together.
“It wasn’t just the cheating,” she continued, her tone bitter. “It was how everyone knew but me... And after that shit i…It was easier to just… keep things casual. To not get, that close”
Her voice dropped, and she finally looked up at you. “But then you came along, and you… you made me care. And I didn’t know how to handle that.“
“You made me want more. And that scared the hell out of me.”
For a moment, the only sound between you was the chatter of other people in the coffee shop. You tried to process everything she’d just fired off. the mix of anger and hurt in her words, and the way her vulnerability clashed with everything else you’ve been shown thus far dealing with her .
“So you decided to treat me like everyone else,” you said, your voice harsher than you intended. “You ignored me, acted like I didn’t matter. And then when you finally apologized, it was just so you could feel better about yourself.”
Her admission hung in the air, and you felt a strange mix of sympathy and frustration. You wanted to believe her, but the hurt she’d caused still lingered
Abby winced, but she didn’t argue. “I know,” she said quietly. “And you’re right. I didn’t handle it the way I should have. I let my fear screw things up, and I hurt you in the process. I’m sorry for that—for all of it.”
You looked at her, searching for any sign that this was just another performance, another excuse. But all you saw was sincerity.
…And yet, you couldn’t ignore the hurt she’d caused, the way she’d made you question your worth.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Abby,” “I don’t know if I can trust you again…this..everything that happened? I just…need to think I guess. About all of it”
Abby nodded slowly, her shoulders slumping. “I get that…and ill…I’ll respect that.“
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The weight of everything unsaid hung between you, and you felt the ache of something that might have been.
There was a long pause, and you could feel your heart beating faster. Part of you wanted to tell her that it didn’t matter anymore. But another part—the part that had stayed up too many nights replaying every interaction, every hurtful moment of the past two months.
Jesus, Winter break couldn’t come any faster.
—-
Winter Break – March 18th
The winter months came and went in a blur of exams, holidays, and quiet reflection. You and Abby had mutually agreed to give each other space—no texts, no calls, and still no social media connection.
The distance was strange at first, but over time, it gave you clarity. You weren’t sure if things between you and Abby would ever go back to how they were, but you knew one thing: you weren’t the same person you’d been when this all started.
The photo from your date with Abby still sat on your corkboard, though you saw it more as an aesthetic decoration now rather than something to reminisce on. You didn’t even feel sad when you looked at it anymore.
It was the first day of spring when you found yourself at the ice cream shop where Abby had taken you on that cheesy, playful date months ago. You weren’t even sure why you’d gone, but as you stood in line, debating between flavors, a familiar voice pulled you from your thoughts.
“You’re still indecisive, huh?”
You turned, and there she was…Abby, standing a few feet behind you with that same goofy grin you remembered so well.
“And you’re still full of yourself, huh?”
Abby chuckled, stepping forward. “Maybe. But I’m working on it.”
The two of you stood there, the weight of the past few months hanging between you. But instead of feeling heavy, it felt… lighter. The double entendre of her words weren’t lost on you. She’s working on herself, hm.
“You still get the same flavor?” she asked, nodding toward the menu.
“Maybe,” you said with a small smile. “But I don’t know if I should share it with someone who eats like a five-year-old.” You teased
Abby laughed, shaking her head. “Fair enough.”
As you both ordered your ice cream and found separate tables, you couldn’t help but glance her way up from your phone occasionally, catching her looking back at you.
For the first time in months, you felt… okay. Not resolved, not perfect, but okay.
..Maybe you’d work things out someday. Maybe you’d just be two people with shared memories.
But for now, you were finally…finally, okay.
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Bonus, Late Spring, Three Months Later
The air smelled like fresh blooms and soft rain as you sat on a park bench near campus, your favorite book in hand. The stress of winter and early spring had faded into something quieter, something manageable. Life was better now, simpler. No more girl drama. You’d spent the past few months focusing on yourself, on rebuilding your routine, regaining your lost peace.
The sound of laughter pulled your attention to the path ahead. A group of students walked by, one of them jogging backward to keep up with the conversation. They were carefree, loud, and unbothered, and for a moment, you envied that lightness.
“Long time, no see.”
The voice sent a jolt through you. Looking up, there she was. Abby.
Her hair was shorter now, the loose braid she’d often worn replaced with a simple ponytail. She looked the same, yet different, her posture more relaxed. Like herself.
“Hey,” you said, scanning over her new look.
“Didn’t expect to see you here,” she said, gesturing toward the park bench.
“Just needed some fresh air, i guess ” you replied casually, though your heart thudded in your chest.
She sat beside you, her knee almost brushing yours, and let out a breath. “I’m not going to lie, I thought about texting you. Like, a hundred times. But I figured you didn’t want to hear from me.”
You gave her a side glance, finding her admission, kind of funny.
Abby laughed softly, running a hand through her now much shorter hair
“Uh, ‘thanks’? For what?”
“For… I don’t know. For dealing with me, I guess. For being patient when I didn’t deserve it. For calling me out when I needed it. I’m… I’m still figuring my shit out, but I’m trying… but..so… I just wanted you to know that.”
the honesty in her voice catching you off guard. It wasn’t the Abby who’d always deflected or hid behind her player persona. This was the Abby who taken you on that day in November, who held your hand and laughed with you about nothing and everything.
“Thanks for saying that,” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips. The double entendre about her working on herself, not lost on you. 
She grinned back, leaning into the bench. “So… friends?”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Mmn, We’ll see.”
“Right, right. I won’t get ahead of myself” she said, a grin returning to her face. leaving a comfortable silence to fall over you both.
the future was unwritten, and for now? …
This was enough.
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Small note: Hey guys, just wanted to say thank you for the support. This was just supposed to be a oneshot but uhh guess we turned into a 7 part mini series! I didn’t want to give it an unrealistic sunshine and rainbows ending. So, I felt like the reader choosing herself for the time being and leaving the door open for a more improved version of the relationship once the sand settled…was a good middle ground! I know this was a roller coaster 😭😭 I had sooo many ideas but thought this made the most sense! thanks for reading my shitty little series 😊 mwahhh
——
Taglist cuties!: @deadbolted @grey-jedi12 @ceylnisgone @evabby @abby-anderson-wifey @icedsimpsayo @elle-girlylesbian
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zoloteh-volossya · 9 months ago
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BG3 Fanfiction Statistics, Part 2
Welcome to part 2 of my BG3 AO3 fanfic statistical analysis! In part 1, which can be found here, I discussed general fanfic data for the fandom and took a look at pairing trends for the player character, Shadowheart, Karlach, Lae’zel, and Minthara. In this section, I will discuss pairing trends on AO3 for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, and Halsin, then compare all 8 main characters and talk about pairings more broadly.
Please note that the data for this analysis was gathered between July 21, 2024 and July 24, 2024. I gathered data for the top 300 ship tags in the BG3 fandom, and due to time constraints did not look at pairings with fewer than 5 fics.
I will try and be as transparent as possible when discussing how I obtained and processed this data. A copy of my spreadsheet can be found here and contains all of the tables I will be discussing for anyone who wishes to take a closer look at the data. If you don’t care about the numbers and/or my thoughts about them, feel free to skim through this post and just look at the charts!
I will be referencing the “PC” a lot in this section. See part 1 for an explanation of my methodology, but basically I combined Tav, Dark Urge, Original Character, Reader, and You into one Player Character (PC) supercategory while filtering to prevent double counting. This makes it clearer who each character is typically paired with. It also drops the number of ships from 300 to 162. Throughout this essay, I will use “ship tags” to refer to the original 300 ships that I gathered the data for and “pairings” to refer to the 162 ships that remain when I condense the player character down.
CHARACTER PAIRING STATISTICS, CONT.
In part 1, I went through Tav, the Dark Urge, Shadowheart, Karlach, Lae’zel, and Minthara and took a look at who they are shipped with and their fic category (F/M, M/M, F/F, Other, Multi) breakdown. In this continuation, I will look at Astarion, Gale, Wyll, and Halsin.
ASTARION
Astarion was included in 50.2% of all fic pairings (the number of fics tagged Astarion/PC + the number of fics tagged Astarion/Gale + the number of fics tagged Astarion/Halsin and so on, divided by the total sum of all fic pairings). This percentage increased to 53.9% when otp:true was applied. This means that over half of all shipping content for BG3 on AO3 involves Astarion!
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Astarion is in 7 of the top 10 ship tags and 64 of the top 300 ship tags. When I condense the pairings with the PC down, he is in 7 of the top 30 ships and 40 of the 162 total pairings. The loss of 24 ship tags comes from me having to condense down not only all his ship tags with the PC but also all his threesomes and foursomes and moresomes with the PC.
Notably, Astarion was the only BG3 character to have race specific ship tags – Astarion/Tiefling!OC (68 fics), Astarion/Half-Elf!OC (27 fics), and Astarion/Drow!OC (9 fics). These all got condensed down into the Astarion/PC supercategory as well.
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Astarion/Gale is #4 and his next pairings with a non-player character are #8 Halsin and #9 Wyll. Pairings #1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 10, and 16 are all just him with different tags for the player character. Condensing down all the player character tags yields us his top 20 pairings.
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As expected, the player character dominates his pairings with 11,756 fics. His biggest non-PC ships are with Gale with 2,431 fics (of which an unusually high proportion are otp:true – 1,752 – almost three quarters of all his fics with Gale), Halsin with 848 fics, and Wyll with 582 fics. Ignoring the PC, he mostly seems to be shipped with men – the first canon woman to show up is Karlach at #8 with 157 fics (an order of magnitude less than Gale). He has four threesomes (Halsin/PC/Astarion, Gale/PC/Astarion, Karlach/Wyll/Astarion, Wyll/PC/Astarion) in his top 20 ships. I was surprised at how high Cazador (#6, 387 fics) was at first, but a lot of that is likely from Astarion’s backstory.
#20 was Astarion/Astarion with 15 fics, which means that Astarion is following in the proud tradition of tumblr sexymen like the Onceler before him.
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As expected from looking at Astarion’s pairings in general, he has slightly more M/M (8,923 fics) shipping than M/F (7,996 fics) shipping. M/M pairings have an unusually high rate of otp:true fics – that’s mostly from Astarion/Gale. Oddly, there’s a small number (51) of F/F otp:true fics – these are either genderbends or mistags.
Looking at the pattern of pairings with the PC only, a different pattern emerges.
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This time, there’s significantly more M/F fics (6,910, 58.8% of Astarion’s fics with the PC) than M/M fics (4,182, 35.6%), though the numbers are closer when you look at otp:true (46.7% M/F vs 37.6% M/M). We can infer then that it is more common to ship female player characters with Astarion than men. The Other category is significant (1,601 fics, 13.6%) and likely was used for a tag for nonbinary player characters. There’s still a bizarre 38 otp:true F/F fics.
GALE
Gale is in 19.7% of all pairings and 26.5% of otp:true pairings. He has 33 ship tags in the top 300, which drops to 23 when I condense all the player characters into “PC.”
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Unlike Astarion, whose chart was completely dominated by his pairing with the PC, Gale has almost as many fics with Astarion as he does with Tav. The top pairings for Gale are primarily with the player character – #1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 are all just different tags for the player character (Gale/You and Gale/Reader are synonymous and so have pretty much the same number of fics). Condensing all that down yields the following chart.
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There’s a stark drop off after the player character and Astarion – an order of magnitude decrease in fics (#4 Shadowheart/Gale has 111 fics, a massive drop off from 2,431 Astarion/Gale fics). And #3 is just a threesome with both the PC and Astarion. I’ve commented on it before, but Gale/Astarion has a truly unusual proportion of otp:true fics – something that indicates that there are no background pairings in most of that ship’s activity. I would not be surprised if many of those fics are modern AUs or post game fics that don’t feature the other BG3 characters much if at all.
The quartet of Astarion-Gale-Halsin-PC is prominent in Gale’s top 20 ships. All permutations of that multiship are present: #1 Gale/PC, #2 Astarion/Gale, #5 Halsin/Gale, #3 Astarion/PC/Gale, #6 Astarion/Halsin/Gale, #11 Gale/Halsin/PC, and #15 Astarion/Gale/Halsin/PC. Towards the bottom of his top 20 we start getting into his multiships with most or all of the main protagonists. This’ll be more common with the other companions – there are only 11 Astarion / Gale / Wyll / Shadowheart / Lae’zel / Karlach fics, so when these show up the list is descending into very low fic count pairings.
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Looking at Gale’s fic category breakdown, M/M predominates with 3,859 fics to M/F’s 2,938 fics. Given the very high proportion of otp:true fics, we can assume that most of that is Astarion/Gale. Indeed, when we look at Gale’s ship with the player character (his only other substantial ship), we see a very different picture.
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Gale’s ship with the player character has much more M/F content than his general ship content and also than Astarion. M/M content drops from 57.1% of all his fics to 30.5% of his ships with the player character, while M/F content rises from 43.5% of all his fic content to 68.1% of his fic content with the player character. ‘Other’ shipping is about 9.6% of ship content with the player character. Looking at otp:true content, a little more than half as many male player characters are shipped with Gale as female player characters.
There are, for some reason, 16 F/F otp:true fics for all of Gale’s ships and 7 otp:true F/F fics for his ship with the player character.
WYLL
Wyll is featured in 5.2% of all pairings and 5.7% of otp:true pairings, a truly stunning drop from the ~50% of Astarion and 20-26% of Gale. He is in 24 of the top 300 BG3 ships, a number that drops to 18 when I condense all the player characters into one category.
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Interestingly, Astarion/Wyll outpaces Wyll/Tav as Wyll’s most popular ship. Like with Gale/Astarion, the proportion of otp:true fics for that pairing is unusually high.
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When we condense all of Wyll’s player character pairings into one category, it (barely) edges out Astarion/Wyll, with 588 and 582 fics respectively (also note that no Wyll pairing has thousands of fics, unlike Gale and Astarion before him). What also happens when we condense the player characters is that Wyll does not reach a full 20 ships – he drops to 18 pairings. He has more than this, of course, but my methodology ignores all pairings with fewer than 5 fics. Therefore, Wyll’s 19th and 20th most popular pairings have 4 fics or fewer. I have represented these missing pairings with little :( emojis, because this is a sad state of affairs.
Karlach is by far Wyll’s most popular ship after Astarion and the PC, with 327 fics. The otp:true proportion is low, so it is likely often a background ship or has background ships. The next highest pairing is #4, Gale, with 54 fics. The numbers rapidly drop from there – by #6 Wyll/Lae’zel we are at 26 fics and by #14 Wyll/Karlach/Shadowheart we are down to only 10 fics.
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Wyll’s pairings, like all of the male characters, tend towards M/M, with 1,010 total fics. F/M follows up with 794 and Other with 162. Much of his M/M fics come from Astarion/Wyll, as we can see when we look at Wyll’s ships with the PC.
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Like Astarion and Gale before him, the proportion of M/F rises when we look at Wyll’s pairings with the player character specifically. Unlike Astarion and Gale, though, no category even comes close to breaking 1,000 fics. M/F has 357 fics (or about 60.7% of his fics total) and M/M has 224 (38.1%). With otp:true applied, M/F is 56.3%, M/M is 40.7%, and Other has 13.3%. These numbers add to more than 100%, so even on otp:true fics people are evidently tagging multiple categories. This is likely due to “Reader” fics with a generic reader.
HALSIN
Halsin is featured in 9.7% of all pairings, almost twice Wyll’s proportion. This drops to 7.9% though when you apply otp:true – a much larger drop than pretty much anyone else other than the PC. It’s likely because Halsin has a disproportionately high number of fics with threesomes, which eliminate a fic from otp:true if the threesome subrelationships are also tagged.
He is in 31 of the top 300 ship tags and 21 of the top 162 pairings.
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Like every other man in this essay, Halsin’s ship with Astarion is very prominent. The first canon woman to show up is Shadowheart at #15.
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As expected, Halsin/PC is easily his most popular pairing, with 1,637 fics. Astarion and a threesome with Astarion and the PC follow with quite decent fic counts of 848 and 456 respectively. The otp:true proportion for Halsin/Astarion is abnormally high. Gale and Shadowheart seem to be his other major ships. Gale/Halsin is #4 with 106 fics and Gale/PC/Halsin is #8 with 19. Shadowheart/Halsin is #6 with 36 fics and Shadowheart/Halsin/PC is #10 with 17.
The Astarion-Halsin-Gale-PC quartet shows up prominently in Halsin’s top pairings. In addition to the ships previously mentioned, Halsin/Astarion/Gale is #5 with 92 fics.
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What’s notable about Halsin’s fic categories is the abnormally large number of fics tagged Multi – 1,257 fics, or 37.4% of the total. Given that he’s the poly companion, this makes sense.
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Looking at Halsin with the PC specifically, the typical pattern appears. The percentage of M/M drops and M/F rises. Unlike the other characters and like his general shipping situation, the percentage of Multi fic is quite high – 32.7%.
CHARACTER COMPARISON
Now that I’ve looked at all the main characters individually, let’s take a look at how they compare to each other across a variety of metrics.
FIC RATINGS
In my individual character discussions, I didn’t talk about their relative rating proportions much, even though I was carefully tracking it. This is because all rating plots look just about the same until you compare people against each other directly.
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Taking a look at all fics, I noticed a couple of things. First of all, Wyll is the companion with the least amount of horny fic written about him, with 33.4% of fics that include him in a pairing being rated Explicit. Halsin is the horniest, no surprise, with 52.8% of fics that include him in a pairing being rated Explicit – over half! Astarion has 41.2% Explicit fics while Gale has 43.6%. Amongst the women, Minthara has the highest percentage of Explicit fics (47.8%) while all three other women are within 38% – 40%.
Interestingly, the percentage of fics rated Mature remains within 22% – 26% for all companions except Minthara, who has 27.8%. The proportion of General fic is between 9% and 11% for Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart, and Karlach. Wyll has more than that, with 11.4%, while Lae’zel and Minthara have less than that with 8.4% and 5.6% respectively.
The situation does not change appreciably when I only look at fics with the otp:true condition.
FIC CATEGORIES
I have been talking about the percentage of M/F, M/M, F/F, Other, and Multi fics for each of the main characters. It’s interesting to compare them with each other. Please note, though, that in the individual character sections the percentages given were the percent of all fics for that character, and so the percentages added up to more than 100% because many fics tag several categories. In this section, the percentages given are a percent of all pairings. They therefore all add up to 100%, but it also means that fics that tag multiple categories are counted multiple times in that 100%.
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The men all have more M/F than the women do (Astarion and Gale have the most while Lae’zel and Minthara have the least). Halsin, unsurprisingly, has the most Multi fic while Minthara has the least. Karlach has a surprisingly low proportion of F/F fic.
An interesting note is that the men all have less F/F fic than the women do M/M fic. This means that women are in background pairings to M/M ships or have background M/M ships in their focus fics proportionally more often than the men have background F/F ships or are in the background of F/F fics. The exception is Wyll, who has a F/F percentage close to the percentage of M/M fics in the womens’ fics.
Looking at ships with the PC specifically, some interesting patterns emerge.
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Astarion, Gale, Wyll and Halsin have significantly (by more than 10%) more M/F content and less M/M content in their ships with the PC than their ships in general. Lae’zel and Minthara see a slight (less than 5%) increases in M/F and decreases in F/F as well. Shadowheart mostly stays the same. Karlach, on the other hand, sees a moderate (between 5% and 10%) decrease in M/F and increase in F/F in her ship with the PC specifically.
But remember, all these values include background pairings, and we have no way of knowing what proportion of each category actually contains the character we are interested in. So, what happens when we strip background pairings out of the equation by applying otp:true?
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Wow! What a difference! Now, these values aren’t necessarily representative of all their pairings – just the ones that authors like to focus on without any background ships. Recall from the individual character analyses that often the second most popular ship after the pairing with the PC had an unusually high otp:true ratio. So we can assume, for example, that a large proportion of the M/M fics for Astarion and for Gale are from Gale/Astarion.
Every woman except Karlach is gayer than all of the men. Surprisingly, Karlach is the straightest companion by this particular metric.
Applying otp:true to ships with the PC specifically yields very different results.
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Like what we saw with all ships, ships between the PC and men have significantly more M/F content than the mens’ ships generally. In this case, every man except Astarion jumps to around 50% M/F, and Astarion still jumps from 24.3% to 42.9%. The consistent pattern is that when looking at otp:true fics, M/M is preferred unless the pairing is with the player character, in which case M/F is more popular.
The conclusions for the women are not as clear cut. Karlach has more F/F and less M/F when looking specifically at ships with the PC, while Lae’zel has almost twice as much M/F when you look at her ship with the PC than her general otp:true fics – almost certainly due to the loss of Shadowheart/Lae’zel. Shadowheart experiences a significant (>10%) decline in the proportion of F/F fics, while Minthara sees a smaller one (~5%). What remains true, though, is that the majority of the player character shipping for the women is F/F.
The green bars in the chart are for the Other category, an expansive category that includes a lot of nonbinary PC shipping. You can therefore estimate how popular it is to ship each main character with a nonbinary Tav. Karlach has the most (18.6%) while Lae’zel has the least (5.2%). Everyone else is between 10% (well, 9.8% for Gale) and 12% except for Astarion who has 13.6%.
PAIRINGS
Most of both parts of this essay has been spent looking at each main character in relative isolation. But if you plot all pairings next to each other it paints a very interesting picture about each character’s relative popularity.
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Astarion shows up 7 times in the top 10 ship tags and 12 times in the top 30 ship tags. The first non-Astarion ship is #4, Tav/Gale. There are no canon women in the top 10 ship tags – the first to show up is Shadowheart, at #14. Wyll does not appear until #18, in a pairing with Astarion. His pairing with Tav is #25. Lae’zel’s ship with Tav does not even make it onto this plot, at #38. Minthara is in an even worse situation – she first shows up at #60.
The results when I condense all the player character tags into “PC” are... stark.
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Astarion dominates the BG3 fanfiction sphere in a way that is very surprising for a piece of media with six strong main characters. In fact, in order to actually be able to see the teeny tiny bars representing everybody else, here's a second graph with Astarion/PC excluded.
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Astarion/PC is far and away the most popular ship, with 11,756 fics. Gale/PC is the second, with 3,500 – less than a third as many. Next is Astarion/Gale (2,431 fics) with an unusually high “otp:true” ratio, which indicates that it is frequently being written without any background ships. Surprisingly, Gortash/PC is fourth with 1,891 fics, followed by Halsin/PC with 1,637. Shadowheart/PC is the first woman to show up, at #6 with 980 fics. This is still 657 fics less than Halsin/PC and 911 fics less than Gortash/PC, which means that Gortash/PC is almost twice as popular as Shadowheart/PC. Astarion/PC has 12 times as many fics as Shadowheart/PC.
Karlach follows Shadowheart at #7 with 890 fics. Of the main cast, Lae’zel is next at #10 with 694 fics, and unlike every other Origin character her most popular ship is not with the PC but with Shadowheart. Wyll/PC does not make it into the top 10 ships, coming in at #11 with 588 ships. Notably, Raphael has more fics with the PC than either Lae’zel or Wyll, coming in at #9 with 745. Astarion/PC has a whopping 20 times as many fics as Wyll does and Gortash has over three times as many fics with the PC as Wyll does.
Lae’zel/PC finally shows up at #16 with 348 fics. Rolan/PC has more fics (#13, 477), and Astarion/PC has 33 times as many fics. Minthara/PC, meanwhile, is all the way down at #23 with 234 fics. Raphael, Rolan, Zevlor, the Emperor, and Haarlep all have more fics with the PC than she does. Halsin/PC has 7 times as many fics as Minthara/PC.
If you add up all the pairings each main character is tagged in, you get the following chart.
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Astarion is far and away the most written about character in the BG3 fandom, followed by Gale and Halsin. If you divide these numbers by the total number of pairings, Astarion is in 50% of pairings, Gale is in 20%, and Halsin is in 10%. No other character breaks 10% - Shadowheart is in 7% of pairings, Karlach in 6%, Wyll in 5%, Lae’zel in 4%, and Minthara is in 1%.
Out of curiosity, I tallied up the numbers for Gortash as well. He appears in 6% of all pairings and 7% of otp:true pairings. This means that Gortash breaks even with Karlach and appears in more pairings than Wyll, Lae’zel, or Minthara, and if you look at otp:true he beats all the women and Wyll. This is despite Gortash having very few ships with characters outside of the PC, unlike most of the main cast who have notable secondary ships like Shadowheart/Lae’zel.
PAIRING ANALYSIS
Why am I focusing so much on pairings? Mostly because BG3 is an ensemble game – many fics will tag characters who show up for any significant length of time, even if just in the background. Therefore, if a character is tagged that is indicative that they are being included but not necessarily a sign that they are being focused on.
AO3 is a largely romance focused site (only 12% of all BG fics are categorized as General) and so characters in a pairing are more likely to be a focus of a fic. Of course this is not a hard rule, as in-depth character studies may have no pairings tagged at all or may tag a pairing that shows up in the background – but I have no way to distinguish these fics from a fic that tags a character because they show up for one paragraph. There is also the problem that many pairings are background pairings that are tagged but show up only briefly. To try and avoid that, in the following conversation, I will often be focusing on ships with the PC specifically. Fics pairing a character with the PC are especially likely to be focusing on that character and their romance and are much less likely to be a background ship than other pairings.
Looking at the data, the four most popular characters to ship with the PC – Astarion, Gale, Halsin, and Gortash – constitute the majority of fan works. Astarion, Gale, and Halsin in particular are shipped in all the possible configurations and these pairings are comparatively popular. Astarion/Gale is #3, Astarion/Halsin is #8 (above any Wyll or Lae’zel ships), Astarion/Halsin/PC is #14 (above Lae’zel/PC and all Minthara ships), Astarion/Gale/PC is #26, Gale/Halsin is #33, and Astarion/Gale/Halsin is #34.
So I did a little experiment. I went through my data and counted all the pairings that contained ONLY Astarion, Gale, Halsin, Gortash, and/or the PC. Then, I went through and counted all the pairings that weren’t in that group but did contain at least one of Astarion, Gale, Halsin, or Gortash.
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Pairings containing ONLY a combination of the PC, Astarion, Gale, Halsin, or Gortash constituted 66.9% of all fic pairings in the BG3 fandom and (in a neat coincidence) also 66.9% of otp:true fic pairings. Adding in fics that involve at least one of these men with someone else ups the numbers to 73.3% of all fics and 75.0% of otp:true fics. Which means that only about a quarter of pairings do NOT include one of these four white men.
Now, it isn’t unusual for a couple of people to dominate a fandom like this. Many fandoms’ creative output primarily consist of only a couple of popular characters and their associated pairings. What is notable, though, is that BG3 is an ensemble game with 6 strong and nuanced main characters, three of whom are women, and two additional strong side characters, one of whom is a woman. But the four primary objects of fandom’s focus are 2 of the main characters, one of the side characters, and a villain.
This discrepancy is especially notable for Shadowheart and Lae’zel. For ages, when I’ve seen people bring up the relative scarcity of women in fanfic, the rejoinder is that the true culprit is the source media. Stories just don’t feature complex, interesting women with fully realized arcs, people say. There’s no narrative meat to for fandom to sink their teeth into.
This is not the case in BG3.
Both Shadowheart and Lae’zel have excellent narrative arcs that are well embedded into the game – Lae’zel has two game areas dedicated to her plotline (the creche and the astral plane) and you literally cannot progress the game past act 2 without interacting with Shadowheart’s dedicated area. The characters grapple with crisises of faith, culture clashes, and important decisions throughout the game – and who they end up becoming changes depending on the player character’s actions. This is great stuff! But it does not translate into fanfic popularity.
Lae’zel in particular is underrepresented. It’s notable that she is main character who is integrally tied into the plot and yet she is only tagged in 16% of fics – even including all the fics that merely tag her as a background character. She only appears in 4% of pairings. Her pairing with the PC comes in at #16, with 355 fics. But hey, her largest ship is with Shadowheart, so let’s look at the total number of pairings she shows up in – 1,319. Gortash/Dark Urge has 1,594 fics – that single pairing has 275 more fics than all of Lae’zel’s pairings added together. Gortash’s total pairing count is 2,052 and exceeds Lae’zel’s by almost 700 fics. Halsin’s total pairing count is over 2.5 times as large as Lae’zel’s at 3,346 fics total. Gale’s total pairing count is over five times as large, at 6,760 fics total. Oof.
Shadowheart is a bit better off – her pairing with the PC is the most popular woman at #6 with 980 fics. But this is still 657 fics less than Halsin/PC and 911 fics less than Gortash/PC, which means that Gortash/PC is almost twice as popular as Shadowheart/PC. When you take Shadowheart’s other pairings into consideration, things improve a little bit. She has 2,418 pairings total, which is about 400 more than Gortash’s total, though still over 900 fics less than Halsin’s total. But any Shadowheart/Lae’zel fan can tell you about sifting through their fics and finding that many only feature them as a background pairing for Astarion/Tav or some other more popular pairing. So let’s take a look at the otp:true numbers. Looking at otp:true fics only, Shadowheart has 765 fics and Lae’zel has 495 fics. Meanwhile, Halsin has 858 and Gortash has 800 – more than Shadowheart and much more than Lae’zel.
Neither Gortash nor Halsin really have arcs in game, though both of them do have implied arcs that happened before it. They’re interesting characters, sure, but undoubtedly Shadowheart and Lae’zel have more going on, more narrative meat to chew on. And yet, they’re completely overshadowed in fandom.
Speaking of being overshadowed, let’s talk about Wyll. Wyll is the only man in the main cast who is not particularly popular. He does not even make it into the top 10 pairings! He has fewer fics than Shadowheart or Karlach. Notably he has far far fewer fics with the PC than any other major male character and even several male villains. Gortash/PC has over three times as many fics as he does, Halsin/PC has 2.78 times as many fics as he does, and Astarion/PC has a whopping 20 times as many fics as he does. Even Raphael/PC has more fanfic! Even taking total pairings into account, Gortash still has more pairings than Wyll’s 1,770 total, while Halsin has almost twice as many.
A counterpoint that is commonly raised in this fandom is that Wyll is a boring character with less content than other Origin companions. Now, I disagree with this assessment of Wyll’s comparative boringness (I find him more interesting than Gale and much more interesting than Halsin, personally) but for the sake of this argument let’s not dispute this. The fact of the matter is that even if Wyll’s arc is half baked, Halsin has no arc at all and much less content in game. Gortash has even less content, with any potential past entanglement with Dark Urge being merely implied. Raphael doesn’t even have the implications of a past relationship with the PC, is never in a position to be in a relationship with the PC, and is canonically bad in bed to boot. And yet these men have far more fanfic with the PC than Wyll does.
I cannot help but notice that Astarion, Gale, Halsin, and Gortash are white men and Raphael presents himself as a white man.
What’s also notable is who doesn’t show up. Many minor non-player characters have quite sizable followings with a significant number of ships. Rolan, for instance, has 586 fics across 9 pairings. Zevlor has 393 ships, Dammon has 257, Kar’niss has 131, and Abdirak has 112. Other male characters that showed up on my list include Ansur (110, all with Balduran/the Emperor), Blurg (69, all with Omeluum), Vellioth (55, all with Cazador), Rugan (54), Kith’rak Voss (49), Sebastian (47, all with Astarion), Orpheus (40), Geraldus (29), Nere (22), He Who Was (21), Yurgir (18), Loroakkan (15, all with Rolan), Aradin (12), Danis (11 with Bex), Barcus (9 with the PC, not Wulbren), Petras (8 with Astarion), Guex and Ikaron (8 with each other), Franc Peartree (7 with Gortash), Lump the Enlightened (6), and Cal (6).
Meanwhile, if I eliminate Aylin and Isobel (not really “minor” NPCs), the first female minor NPC to show up in my list is Alfira with 58 fics. Nocturne follows with 57, Lakrissa with 34, Bex with 11 (all with Danis), Councillor Florrick with 8 (all with Minthara), Duke Stelmane with 8 (all with the Emperor), Kagha with 6, and Cerys with 6 (all with Rolan).
Councillor Florrick is notable because she has as much of a role in acts 1, 2, and 3 as Rolan, Zevlor, and Dammon yet she has no fics with the PC that showed up in my dataset; her only appearance is as part of a ship with Minthara. Ulder Ravenguard – a notable NPC from act 3 – never shows up at all, while Geraldus – a very minor NPC from act 3 – does. Rugan shows up but his boss Zarys never does. Neither does Roah Moonglow, who has a role in acts 1, 2, and 3 while Rugan only shows up in act 1. Araj Oblodra does not show up, but Sebastian does. Cal and Rolan show up in my dataset, but their sister Lia does not. Petras is the only vampire spawn to have over 5 of a pairing – Dalyria, who is present in all scenes where he is, does not. Alfira has the same presence in the story as Rolan (if anything, she has more), yet she shows up in less than a tenth as many fics. Vellioth, who never shows up at all, has 5 times as many fics as Viconia, who does.
The fandom has a definite trend for who gets written about, and it’s not women or Black people.
I’m not writing this to try and shame or guilt anyone. I have a dear friend who absolutely adores Astarion, and fandom acquaintances who I respect that are deeply invested in Gale, Halsin, and Gortash. And I don’t blame anyone for seeing a minor character and being intrigued enough by him to write fic. It makes sense that people are drawn to these characters – they’re really well written characters with engaging storylines. But all of the main characters in BG3 are well written, and who fandom chooses to focus on and prioritize says things about whose stories, whose lives, we pay attention to and care about.
I don’t expect this essay to change anything. Honestly, it’s mostly a primal scream of annoyance, broadcast to tumblr in hopes that other people who are annoyed by this phenomenon can find it. But it’s also a cold hard repudiation of any claim that the reason that women or Black people are underrepresented in fandom is solely due to the source material being lacking. BG3 proves that false.
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simdertalia · 5 months ago
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✈️ ACNH Airport Set ✈️
57 items | Sims 4, base game compatible, some extra swatches added by me 💗
All the items you'll need to recreate the Airport from ACNH, Dodo Airlines, in your TS4 game. Most items came with only 1 swatch each. Some items I have added extra swatches for. *The Monstera Plant that goes inside the airport has already been made in part 2 of the Paradise Planning set. Everything is always posted with the option of pick & choose, so they are easy to find and one-click download.
The floor for the interior is 12 swatches, like a puzzle, can be put together for any room size.
I do not use DX11 with my game. If you are using DX11, run the DX11 batch fix with Sims 4 Studio before starting your game. For those that have never done it, do not fear for it is very simple and will update any CC in your mods folder that needed it. I know the new DX11 API causes issues having something to do with the walls build items, that I know of. If you do not have Sims 4 Studio, here is a link about how to install it from their official website. (And of course, if you need help please send me a message).
Set contains: Buy: -Card Stand | 3 swatches | 1682 poly -Carts | 1 swatch | 3470 poly -Cart (single) | 1 swatch | 1736 poly -Chair Bench (middle table has slots) | 1 swatch | 2752 poly -Clipboard | 1 swatch | 302 poly -Computer Decor (glows in dark) | 1 swatches | 1158 poly -Control Tower Piece | 2 swatches for window transparency level | 954 poly -DAL Wall Hanging | 2 swatches (one Simlish) | 368 poly -Dock Fence | 1 swatch | 556 poly -Dock Fence Pole 1 | 1 swatch | 74 poly -Dock Fence Pole 2 | 1 swatch | 902 poly -Dock Fence Pole 3 | 1 swatch | 134 poly -Dock Fence Pole 4 | 1 swatch | 14 poly -Dock Fence Rope 1 | 1 swatch | 410 poly -Dock Fence Rope 2 | 1 swatch | 74 poly -Dock Fence Rope 3 | 1 swatch | 242 poly -Dock Flag | 1 swatch | 552 poly -Dock Side Piece (slotted) | 1 swatch | 2208 poly -Door Frame (interior) | 12 swatches | 58 poly -Doorway Ramp | 1 swatch | 46 poly -Faux Window (interior) | 1 swatch | 140 poly -Faux Window (outside) glows in dark | 1 swatch | 108 poly -Feet Position Sticker | 5 swatches | 6 poly -Flapper Gate Closed (light glows in dark) | 4 swatches | 710 poly -Flapper Gate Open (light glows in dark) | 4 swatches | 710 poly -Hanging TV (glows in dark) | 3 colors for hanger, 4 for screen, 12 total swatches | 464 poly -Life Preserver (wall) (this one is for outdoor if desired) | 1 swatch | 906 poly -Life Preserver (wall) 2 (this one is for the indoor hallway) | 1 swatch | 498 poly -Model Plane | 1 swatch | 626 poly -Outdoor Lights Left & Right (2 items) | 1 swatch each | 334 poly -Outside Wall Vent | 1 swatch | 248 poly -Pencil and Eraser | 1 swatch | 88 poly -Pen Cup | 1 swatch | 310 poly -Plane (requires Island Living, bobs in the water) | 4 swatches | 7164 poly -Plane (BGC) | 4 swatches | 7164 poly -Pole Barrier | 8 swatches for ribbon | 320 poly -Poster Chocolate | 1 swatch | 20 poly -Poster Map | 2 swatches (one Simlish) | 28 poly -Posters Hallway | 1 swatch | 180 poly -Posters Travel | 1 swatch | 70 poly -Potted Cactus | 1 swatch | 628 poly -Potted Snake Plant | 1 swatch | 755 poly -Potted Yucca | 1 swatch | 1539 poly -Reception Calendar | 1 swatch | 772 poly -Reception Desk | 2 swatches | 135 poly -Reception Name Tag | 2 swatches | 32 poly -Reception Rug | 1 swatch | 30 poly -Reception Shelf (slotted on top) | 1 swatch | 4118 poly -Sign for Roof | 3 swatches (one Simlish) | 627 poly -Sign for Roof (V2 glows in dark) | 3 swatches (one Simlish) | 625 poly -Sign Stand | 3 swatches | 132 poly -Suitcase | 1 swatch | 2402 poly -Wall Speaker (music player) | 1 swatch | 278 poly
Build: -Floor Tile | 12 swatches (they fit like a puzzle) | Tile -Floor Wood | 2 swatches for wood direction | Wood -Wall Interior | 1 swatch | Wood
Type “acnh airport" into the search query in build mode to find  quickly. You can always find items like this, just begin typing  the title and it will appear.
📁 Download all or pick & choose (SFS, No Ads): HERE
📁 Alt Mega Download (still no ads): HERE
📁 Download on Patreon
Will be public on December 4th, 2024 💗 Midnight CET
Happy Simming! ✨ Some of my CC is early access. If you like my work, please consider supporting me (all support helps me with managing my chronic pain/illness & things have been rough as of late):
★ Patreon  🎉 ❤️ |★ Ko-Fi  ☕️  ❤️ ★ Instagram📷
Thank you for reblogging ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@sssvitlanz  @maxismatchccworld @mmoutfitters  @coffee-cc-finds  @itsjessicaccfinds  @gamommypeach  @stargazer-sims-finds  @khelga68  @suricringe  @vaporwavesims  @mystictrance15 @moonglitchccfinds @xlost-in-wonderlandx @jbthedisabledvet
Other CC Pictured: -Ghost Doll (i accidentally left it there when testing slots lol) -Monstera Plant (this would go opposite of the line of the other 3 plants in the sitting area)
The rest of my CC
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sparkbirdmusic · 1 month ago
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I understand if I'm crossing a boundry but i was wondering how you knew you were non binary? I really like titles and the one given to me feels like it doesnt fit quite right. I understand if you dont respond because thats really personal.
I'm comfortable talking about it!
Part of it is that words like "man" don't feel accurate when applied to me. I used to think that was because of my sexuality, because for so long sexuality was kind of the focal point of queer identities.
Then I did this project for a queer studies class where I studied an online community project called Genderfork. Because Genderfork was a photo-based project, for the creative component of the assignment, me and my group took our own photos playing with gender. For the photos, my AFAB (assigned female at birth) classmates dressed in more masculine-presenting ways, and for some reason I (an AMAB person) found myself doing the same.
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(I had always been clean-shaven up to then. Later I had facial hair for a while, and for a while that felt right, but now it feels strange to me and has for several years. idk, we're all in flux!)
As a kid I loved everything "girly," I wore body glitter, I played with dolls, everyone thought I was a girl, I absolutely wanted to be a girl... if I'd grown up with different parents, I'm 95% sure I'd be a trans woman. (And I know it's never too late, but I'm fine with where I've settled. For now! Who knows.) BUT I think I would still have come to the conclusion that gender is a social construct, and ended up nonbinary eventually. I think there's something in me that sees the ambiguity in everything.
Other aspects of my childhood seem like clues to my being nonbinary. I got along well with other kids who weren't gender-typical, especially tomboys. And my favorite stories were ones where girls cut off their hair and pretended to be boys (the Alanna series by Tamora Pierce, The Gentleman Outlaw and Me—Eli by Mary Downing Hahn, Mulan, etc.). I think I related so hard because it felt like what I was doing.
Several years into my relationship with my partner Adam, he started exploring his gender identity and presentation. He dressed very femme for a while, and it led me to confront aspects of my sexuality and my own gender identity. Eventually he settled back into identifying as male and dressing in ways that are more male-coded, though lately that's evolving again. (again, we're all in flux)
Somewhere in there, amidst my obsession with Steven Universe and a nonbinary storyline in the show Transparent, I started seriously questioning my gender identity. Then one day, at a moment when I was actively questioning my gender identity, Adam asked, "Have you ever questioned your gender identity?" And I screamed, "WHAT?!" because his timing was so uncanny.
From there I very quickly started using they/them pronouns. And I knew it was what felt right for me, but I was super nervous about being accepted by other trans people as Trans Enough. I decided to be brave and go to a meeting of a trans group on my college campus. When we went around the circle introducing ourselves, I told them my pronouns were they/them, adding, "That's the first time I've said that to anyone but my partner.”
Afterward, I nervously went up to the group leader (a binary trans woman) and said, "I hope it's okay that I was here." And she looked thoughtful and said, "Hmm. I don't know. I'll ask people and see if they were okay with it."
I went home crying. I'm totally fine now (this was 2017), and I only share this aspect of my coming out as an excuse to say: YOU ARE TRANS ENOUGH. If you don't exclusively identify as the gender you were assigned at birth, you are trans enough. People (especially in trans circles) are thankfully way more familiar with nonbinary as an identity now than they were in 2017, so I pray this doesn't happen as much now as it did then. But if it does (to any nonbinary person out there), please know that Sparkbird says you ARE indeed trans enough to go to the trans group.
Anyway that's a condensed version of my nonbinary story! 💚
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honeyinthesummer · 1 day ago
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warden!reader and inmate!rafe cameron because i personally think he'd look good in orange (and he's bound to go down that road anyways).
LONG AS FUCK and not proofread. someone make a smut out of this please! MAKE IT NASTYYYYY
he'd be stuck in his cell with limited privileges. for the first few weeks he'd yell shit, rattle the bars and point a finger to anyone who passes by his cell that sometimes other wardens who weren't from obx would be petrified to do rounds in rafe's corner (shoupe is IMMUNE to this.)
inmate!rafe who, give or take three months, has slowly settled. his screams slowly die down, but he'd sulk in a corner and be incredibly stubborn.
inmate!rafe, sitting on his bed and occasionally banging his forehead to the wall, mutters "man up, man the fuck up!", seemingly in a dazed, in a spell. a poor attempt to put his shit together.
inmate!rafe, who's now silent. he probably thinks he's intimidating and calculated that way, but he saw his reflection one time, all lanky and tall, rough and ruined. this is not the look of a male cameron.
inmate!rafe, who now speaks gently instead of raising his voice, stands up in the first order, keeps in line in the first warning. compliant with no extra drama. but what they don't know is every time he's out of his cell for a test or government-issued activity, he scouts the place. the people. the system here. then he sights you.
your silky hair is arranged in a neatbun, your features soft and angelic, a simple blush and light lipstick accentuating your beauty. you normally speak in a delicate tone, but you're not against having a few laughs with anyone, inmate or warden.
you stand tall and move swiftly, and inmate!rafe swore he could tackle you down and escape promptly. but when you ended a fight in the yard between two men with no assistance, you had no problem inserting your authority and displaying your strength, showing who's the boss.
you would be his perfect escape.
you don't back away from an invite for conversation, but it's your ability to stay distant despite appearing to be an open book. you are smart.
but he doesn't miss the way you look at him in the yard. when inmate!rafe is playing ball against other inmates, you'd stay in the shade. just an officer doing her job — looking out for trouble.
a jab in the ribs, a punch in the face, a body collision with another. inmate!rafe notices the way you react or wince whenever he's hurt. you wear shades to appear stoic, but your stare just burns through him. it etches in his soul.
but most of all, he could blatantly and loudly laugh at your pathetic state when you see him soaking under the sun, grabbing the hem of his white wifebeater to wipe the sweat on his face, letting the sunrays hit his now toned body, glowing and all.
you're squirming. shifting. clenching then unclenching your fist. you could redirect everyone's attention from your personal life but this? you're fucking transparent. maybe you're just like any other woman. firm in the outside, but it takes one single touch from a man for your facade to crumble.
he doesn't touch you, though. not in the way you'd like. he'd brush up against you, purposefully volunteer in activities that require labor or put him under the scorching heat, because you noticed that's how you love him. huffing and hot. being a warden for women empowerment and all but really, you'd just want a strong man like any other woman.
you are unabashed and unashamed of what you're doing. he saw you take a quick look of up and down on him and let out an approving nod, where he's got his top totally abandon, the slacks of his uniform hanging real low on his waist, his skin dirty from working with some car parts for a program with the city.
inmate!rafe almost doubts himself when you didn't bother to strike a talk with him for the past seven months of his stay here. it annoys him, pisses him off that others find comfort and no problem in talking to you. you look at him, but you don't approach.
inmate!rafe was about to give up on you and devise a breakout plan with barry who's a couple cells down when he hears shoupe calling someone to take him out for an outside time today.
he stands at ready, bummed out, until he hears you say "i got him", personally fetching inmate!rafe. he stands surprised, his heartbeat thumping in his chest. fucking finally. he smirks to himself. maybe you're that easy to get with just a small display of his masculinity.
you stop by the door of his cell, and his smile to you his uncanny, because you swear it feels like nice and sweet, almost gentleman-like. you fumble with your keys and insert them to the lock.
"you're being transferred to a facility in charleston for a moment. i'll personally escort you there."
just you? he thought to himself, raising a brow. but when the door opens and you handcuff his wrists, your fast touch burns. and he likes it. but what got him the most is how your lipstick is not your usual shade, it's red. it captivates him.
who needs a blaring red lip for an escort ride to charleston?
certainly you for him, and his cock that will be kissed and worshipped by your lips, and his abs, which with no doubt you'll leave a trail of kisses on.
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blossombriefs · 1 year ago
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Agora Hills | A Goku OneShot [NSFW]
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Authors note: hey guys! Be sure to drop a follow and a like! The support goes a long way! I'm also happy to take requests - please be following me and shoot me a message. I can work of prompts such as songs, locations, colours, scents. Give me a brief description and the characters you'd like. This also has potential for a fully smutty part 2 so if that's something you'd want to see let me know! Prompt: Doja Cat's song 'Agora Hills' "who's that man with the big strong hands?" "You're the one you're the only man, me and you on my OnlyFans" Summary: The reader is an OnlyFans model and after being threatened at a party has to come clean to her boyfriend, Goku Content: afab!reader x Goku, mature themes, blackmail and drama (Vegeta being a total asshole), mentions and details of anxiety, story heavy, soft smut near the end Word Count: 2836 words
Times had been a bit financially straining on you since you tried to settle down with Goku. You both shared a lovely home and with plans to start a family together, you needed to find a source of income to start planning ahead. Goku was constantly off either fighting insane battles on faraway planets or was off training with his friends. Sure, you could have just looked for something in your local area like in a store or on a farm, but when Bulma encouraged you to look into the site OnlyFans, it piqued your interest. Bulma is the best source of motivation you have. You were a little unsure about it but with her lovely compliments toward your appearance, you couldn't help but try it.
You had set up a tripod with a ring light in the corner of your spare room to get the perfect shots, using your phone to capture so many pictures of you in cute lingerie sets you had. You also used a couple of your boyfriend's t-shirts for a baggier look on your body. Your income was plentiful as your platform grew and grew. It covered bills, put food on the table and even left some over for you to treat yourself and Goku. However, one question always lingered in the back of your mind.
"How long can I keep this hidden from him?"
You hated keeping secrets from Goku, transparency was such a huge foundation your relationship was built on. He was always honest with you, would this hurt his feelings?
On one of the evenings he had free, Goku had invited you along to a gathering at Krillin and Android 18's home. Everyone was going to be there and you could tell from his eagerness that he was excited for you to finally meet the rest of his friends. You felt that it had been a long time coming and you put so much effort into how you looked while Goku sported his traditional orange gi. Hopping onto the nimbus cloud, he held you tightly as it whisked you toward the Kame House. As you approached your destination, you were both greeted by waves as everyone gathered outside on the beach. You nervously held onto your boyfriend's arms as he waved gleefully to them all, keeping the same wave and smile through your descent. You both bounced off together, greeting everyone. Going around everyone, you were introduced to his friends one by one.
"Y/N this is Krillin and 18," he extended his hand toward a slender, tall blonde woman and her opposing counterpart. You smile as you shake their hands and introduce yourself. Gradually he made his way around the rest of his friends; Master Roshi, Piccolo, and Yamcha were part of the introductions. Finally, your attention was directed to Bulma and her partner, who you hadn't yet met. He stood beside her with his arms folded over a buttoned up blue shirt, his aura nothing short of intimidating.
"Y/N, you haven't met my husband Vegeta yet have you!" Bulma chirped, taking his arm and yanking him toward you and Goku. You smiled at him timidly, admitting you were kinda afraid of him wouldn't have been the best first impression in your mind. You could sense him looking you up and down, choosing to address you with a scoff.
"So this is Kakarot's harlot, yes?"
You looked to Bulma in disbelief as her hand slapped his shoulder harshly. Goku was quick to wrap his hand around your waist as he spoke up, "Hey, c'mon Vegeta you know that's not very nice!"
He simply huffed in your direction as he followed the rest of the group inside, Bulma not far behind screaming an earful toward him. You felt uneasy, Goku rubbed your arm to try and ease you. You weren't someone to take comments like that to heart but something just didn't feel right. You all took your seats in the living room and for the most part the evening was going well. You all shared some drinks, had a laugh, shared some food. You hit it off so well with everyone that you felt like you were part of the family... all besides one person.
Crossing paths in the kitchen, Vegeta glared you down as you look a fresh glass from the cupboard. When you sat it down again to pour another drink you glanced back in his direction, "Can I help you?"
"Don't think I don't know your secrets," he slowly walked toward you, you felt as if he hadn't uncrossed his arms from your initial introduction. If looks could kill Vegeta would've buried you 100ft underground. "You know your vulgar acts aren't suited to him, that clown deserves a woman with a bit more self respect."
"What the hell are you talking about?" you retort. Your hands shaking as you unscrew the lid from the top of the bottle. Deep down you knew what he was referring to but how did he know?
"That woman runs her mouth to me about everything," his reply was cold. He turned his back to you and began walking toward the door that led to everyone else. "You tell him or I will."
A shudder ran down your spine. The tension left behind lingered with his words. Your heart raced, the weight of your secret growing heavier on your shoulders. You took a moment to collect yourself as you decided Vegeta couldn't be the one to tell Goku. Just as he was about to reach the doorway, you spoke up and the tone in your voice was full of determination.
"Wait, Vegeta please." you plead as you set the bottle down. He turned to look back in your direction with his arms still crossed and his expression staying cold. You look to your feet, "I'll tell him but please could we continue this conversation outside."
Vegeta continued to eye you for a moment, his pride more than evident, but eventually he nodded. Hoping you had cracked him he turned away and led you out the back door to the beach, the soundtrack to your serious conversation being the crashing waves of the sea. You lowered your voice and spoke soft, revealing your own vulnerability beneath what you were portraying as tough, "I never intended on keeping anything from Goku. It's just complicated and I never knew how to bring it up."
His response was a shake of his head and a scoff as he stared you down intensely, "He deserves to know what kind of person he's with, that woman refuses to tell him. I don't even understand what it is you're up to! Y-you're lewd-"
"I have an OnlyFans account," you confess with a deep breath. "It's just a way to bring in some money for us and I just didn't want him to worry about our future. I never intended on disrespecting him I-"
As his scowl deepened and his silence remained, you could tell he was taking in what you were telling him. Wether he'd allow you to tell him yourself or not was on the table was another story. He grunted and without allowing another word to leave your lips, he turned and walked back inside with you close on his heels. Your heart felt heavy with what could follow. You didn't know what would be said. You reentered the living room, Goku glanced at you with a sweet smile, blissfully unaware about the conversation you had just had as you took your seat beside him.
The living room buzzed with conversation and laughter but as you cuddled into Goku's strong arm the weight of the conversation with Vegeta was weighing on your mind, you could feel his intense gaze follow you from the other side of the room as you tried to settle in. A silent threat that you had to tell him sooner rather than later.
As the evening continued, you'd engage in small talk with the others to try and keep your composure but what made your heart feel warm was seeing how happy Goku was. He's an incredibly social person, much more than your average person, and was more than happy being in the company of his friends. After a while, Bulma pulled you into the kitchen. She had noticed how reserved you had become throughout the night and was growing concerned, "Is everything okay?"
You nodded with a forced smile, "Just a little burned out and tired, that's all."
She looked at you with sympathy, placing her reassuring hand on your shoulder, "You sure? You know you can tell me anything, right? If it's because of Vegeta's comment earlier I can always talk to him?"
You shook your head and smiled gently, "Thank you Bulma, honestly, but it's fine! I didn't take it to heart."
You lied through your teeth but she bought it, patting your back as she left you alone with your thoughts. Your anxiety was gnawing at you, you knew what loomed ahead.
As the night gradually wound down, Goku yawned and stretched as he turned to the remaining few people left. With a thankful smile he suggested that you both head home. He stood up, spinning you in his arms to face him. "You look beautiful. You're perfect. Your dress you picked is so beautiful I just can't wait to get back home."
You beamed looking up at him, placing a delicate kiss on his lips. He smiled as he kissed you back in return. However, your loving moment was interrupted by none other than Vegeta.
"I bet you won't be the only man to see what's under that dress tonight, Kakarot," he smirked.
You looked up, witnessing the glee in your boyfriend's face shift into shock. The panic surged through your body as you clung to him tighter, Vegeta's words hanging in the air. You looked towards him with a disapproving look but Vegeta remained totally unfazed, his arms crossed and a sly grin plastered on his face.
"What are you talking about, Vegeta?" Goku furrowed his brows, his hands slipping from your waist.
His response was sharp, leaning in with a wicked glint in his eyes, "Oh, nothing, Kakarot. Just saying that some things... or some people... aren't as pure or nice as they appear."
The air was heavy with tension, your throat was running dry as tears began filling your eyes. Bulma stepped in between the two men swiftly, placing a hand on her husband's chest, "Vegeta enough. Stop it! There's no need for this you're making the poor girl cry!"
Goku's face was still taken over with confusion, turning his attention from Vegeta to you. You could hear his own worry take over, his eyes like a puppy's, "Baby what's going on? What does he mean?"
You were hesitant and unable to string your words together. Again, stealing your opportunity, was Vegeta, "Ask your precious partner about her little online endeavors. She's not as innocent as she appears."
You sigh, placing a hand gently against his chest as you look up towards him. Taking a deep breath and your voice was trembling, "Can we talk when we're home about this Goku, please."
The arrogant Saiyan prince wasn't done. It wasn't good enough for him. Purely with a sarcastic tone he chimed in once more, "Oh, how touching. Wanting to keep things private now? The woman who claims she loves you oh so much is selling herself online for a few extra zenies! Showing herself off to other men, tarnishing your trust."
Unable to process what he was being told, he hung his head as he let go of you entirely. Your arms dropped from his shoulders. He sighed gently, "I'll be outside Y/N. When you want to come home come meet me. We'll talk about this at home."
"Goku plea-" your words couldn't stop him from leaving, slamming the door behind him. You couldn't do anything but tremble. You knew why Vegeta did this, he loved seeing Goku weak or vulnerable. You also knew Bulma wouldn't let him live this down. You smiled sadly in her direction and thanked your hosts, leaving behind a now perplexed group of friends. Sat in the sand outside, creating little patterns in the sand with his finger, was your boyfriend who sat in an overwhelmed silence. You took a deep breath, shuffling in the sand beside him which left your dress covered. The beach was serene at night, the waves crashing against the shore heavy at the other side. "Please, let me explain,"
He sat in an almost child-like silence, his eyes fixated on the shapes he had drawn. The gentle sea breeze carried your tension and sadness. You had never seen him so hurt, it was all your fault. He looked up at you with tears starting to form in his eyes, "I can't believe you'd cheat on me with Vegeta..."
"Goku what?" you said, shocked. "I just met him today?"
"Look, Y/N, I love you. I don't want to lose you. If you've been chatting with him online and-"
This is where everything clicked, Goku had no idea about OnlyFans and what the site was. He took Vegeta's words at face value. You shook your head and cupped his face in your sandy hands. "Baby no, it's not that. I have an account on this website where I sell some pictures of myself and it brings us in lots of money."
Goku wiped his eyes, blinking back anything else that could spill. "What do you mean?"
"These men that buy these pictures don't see me in person. They don't touch me. We don't have sex. It was just an easy solution to our money problem and I'm sorry I wasn't honest. Vegeta knew because Bulma told him. I can't be angry at her for that..."
"So-so you're not sleeping with other people. He made it sound so filthy."
"I can show you what I do when we're home." you reassure him. His face softened as the weight of the misunderstanding started to lift from his shoulders.
"I should've trusted you, I'm sorry." he whispered. You held him close to you, you thought through that night you could've lost him.
"I should've been honest from the start, I just didn't want you to worry. I'd never have wanted to have hurt you."
As he gently pulled back from you he summoned his nimbus cloud. Kissing your forehead gently he softly spoke, "I just want to understand everything. We can move forward together afterwards can't we?"
You nodded gratefully at his understanding words. Together, you climbed aboard your transport home. You could tell from the way he held you that he was still skeptical and his emotions were mixed. You wanted to do your best to help him understand.
Once you arrived back to your house, hand in hand you led Goku upstairs to show him the tripod and ring light set up in your spare bedroom. Sitting him down on the bed, you ran through how the site worked. He nodded along taking in every drop of information. You shown him how much income you brough in each day and explained what everything went to. Finally, you handed him your phone to look through the photos. His eyes widened in a gleeful way as he began to flick through them.
"Babe, you look smoking hot in these!" he beamed. You could feel the negative tension lift off your relationship and a new tension start to brew. Looking up with a smirk, "Can I help sometime?"
"You wanna help?" you gently smile. He nodded his head fast. His hands wandered to the front of your strappy dress, carefully slipping it down to reveal your bouncy, perky tits to him. You flushed red a little. Once your phone was propped up on the tripod, you posed for a few photos with your ever supportive boyfriend. You tried letting him control the ideas, however his Saiyan instincts were close to kicking in and wouldn't leave much time for many pictures. He stayed behind you in most of the shots, cupping your breasts with his big, strong, calloused hands or encouraging them down to play with your pussy. You hadn't done anything sexual on your account yet and allowed him to assist with teasy photos. His hands grabbing your ass, his hands squeezing your thighs. He was giving you the content that could only grow your platform more.
He gently left little bites and bruises on top of your breasts, neck and shoulders. With a cocky grin and a chuckle, he whispered in your ear, “Now they’ll know you belong to me.”
Finally, he took some of you sitting on top of him. You gently straddled him as he slipped his fingers in your mouth for the final shots, your spit dripping down his hand as he looked up at you in pure amazement.
"That's my girl," he said with a gently slap to your ass. You tilted your head gently as you looked down at your strong, sexy boyfriend pinned under your thighs.
"Do you have any other questions?"
"When can I fuck you for all your fans to see?"
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