#Tommy would get so fucking tired of me fr

[chillian-murphy]

The problem with most of Cillian's characters, especially the popular ones, is that they would all probably kill me for watching them and making up a silly little song about what they were doing as if they were a housecat.

[wouldpollyapprove]

I’m Not Like Her: Part 2

Summary:  Y/n never thought she’d take a job as a barmaid, but she had to do what she had to do. Fleeing from a mob in Aberdeen, she was willing to do anything to live a peaceful life. And if that meant working for the Shelby’s then so be it. Life was normal until the mob decided to make an appearance in Birmingham, leading Tommy start to believe Y/n wasn’t exactly who she said she was.

Thomas Shelby x reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: language, violence, angst

A/N: I’m considering doing a third part for this, I don’t know why. I’m not sure what I would do but that’s only if you guys want me to. I hope to have a few headcanons out this week, so be looking for those. And I’ll be closing requests sometime this week.

Part One

Masterlist

God only knows how long Y/n sat in misery, tears staining her cheeks. No one cared to look down the alleyway to see a teary-eyed girl, crumpled against between the buildings. They’d all seen it before. For one reason or another, those on the street had caught girls with red puffy eyes, using the alley to shield them from the world. So, there Y/n sat, the only one feeling sorry for her was herself. No one cared about her problems, they all had their own. 

The waterworks eventually stopped, their creator dehydrated and tired, and Y/n made her way home, tired of the filth surrounding her. The sun was starting to set and wind blew violently through the streets, a warning of an upcoming storm. She gave no mind to the weather, eyes to the ground, as the events of the last 24 hours played on repeat in her head. Looking back, there was little that could’ve been done to prevent any of it. If she’d been honest from the beginning about her life in Scotland, Tommy wouldn’t trust her just as he didn’t at that moment. Nothing could save her from that outcome. Truth nor lies could bring her peace.

Rain pounded the ground before she was halfway home. Those still on the street set a quicker pace, trying to keep from getting soaked, using newspapers and coats to shield themselves. Not Y/n, though. No, she let the water drowned out her surroundings, soaking her hair and clothes. There was no reason to rush home as it was. 

Even miserable, she couldn’t help but smile when a long-forgotten memory resurfaced. 

It was years ago, in Aberdeen, right after Roger had taken over his father’s company and all his time was spent at his office. The man had finally been able to find time to escape the clutches of business and out of the blue took Y/n on a picnic. When he wanted, Roger could be a romantic, a side few got to see, it was his best side. Up a hill, they went, near a pond surrounded by willows. The two watched ducks swim between reeds as they munched on their food until rain fell from the dangerously dark clouds above.

A shriek left Y/n’s lips when it started to come down in buckets. “We’ll never make it to the car unscathed,” she shouted and tried to pick up their plates.

Roger was already on his feet, love in his eyes. “Then how ‘bout ya dance with me?” A hand extended to his partner.

“I’d love to.” A bright smile on her lips as she took his hand, using him to help her up.

Only fools in love would dance in the rain, but neither cared how foolish they looked. Lovers rarely cared about anything but each other, the title of fool never crossed their mind. They danced, without music, to the beat of the rain. In that moment, they were the only two in the world, their problems washed away in the rain that.

If only there was someone to dance with her on the streets of Small Heath. Take away her pain and love her like a fool. Spin her around, step to the memory of any waltz that came to mind. But all alone she stood, soaked to the bone, as she trudged home. There was no love in this rainstorm, only misery. 

In the safety of her home, Y/n didn’t bother to rid herself of her wet clothes. They were like a second skin at that point. She’s lost the chill feeling that set in during rain, numb to everything but her aching heart. Like a lost dog, she wandered around the house, seeking nothing in particular. Walking through the kitchen, she opened the fridge, nothing caught her eyes so she shut the door. In the parlor, all the books had already been read and there was never anything interesting on the radio. Her bedroom held nothing of interest. She wasn’t tired, didn’t want to change her clothes, didn’t want to do anything. She couldn’t sit in fear that her sorrows would drown her.

Like a ghost, she was on a loop, cycling through the three rooms. Each time, hoping something would catch her eye, pull her in. Nothing ever did.

And then there came a bang at the door.

Violent and demanding, again and again someone hit the wood. That was enough to pull her out of the trance she’d been in. Eyes wide in fear, Y/n stood in the threshold between the kitchen and parlor, uncertain if she should approach the door. First, she assumed it was merely thunder that struck the street outside, but it didn’t let up. Bang after bang, it continued. It was no thunder. It was a person, she had concluded, but there were no voices, no traces of who could be on the other side. She was certain that if it was someone she knew they would make themselves known. 

Before she could make a move, a brutal force caused the door to swing open, hitting the wall on the other side. A scream was lodged in her throat as her eyes locked with the man who stood where the door had been. Tall and muscular, his green eyes glowed in rage. A smile that could have been friendly in a different light made him look like a predator after capturing its prey. Swallowing down her scream, Y/n realized how much like prey she looked. Cornered, small, pale, alone.

The perfect meal.

“No wonder Roger would kill for you,” the man snickered, eyes scanning her body. A shaky breath parted her lips, wishing she could curl up in a ball. The stranger’s intent was unclear, but she knew it wasn’t friendly.

Hands shaking, Y/n clasped them together, intertwining her fingers. “Whatever Roger did, it’s doesn’t involve me.” The words, meant to be confident and strong, came out meek and earned a laugh from her intruder.

He moved from the door, taking in his new surrounding. “I don’t believe that’s how that works, darling.” In the blink of an eye, he stood before her. Damn his long legs. Y/n sucked in a breath, urging her body to move, react. It failed her, doing nothing. “Roger will know better next time.” A rough hand grasped her jaw and pulled her close, a bruise already forming from the force. “And he will not forget this.”

Neither would Y/n when the man walked out the door, his name never learned, as her body shook, blood running down her cheek. Dazed, she made her way to the bathroom. A glance at the mirror in front of her, she saw the bruises that littered her skin from being thrown around the room, cuts from knives or rings. Y/n was no helpless girl, Roger taught her how to defend herself, but she was no match for the giant that had done all that. She was a mouse compared to that man. 

There was no winning that fight. 

Y/n didn’t tell Roger, didn’t bother calling picking up the phone. She cleaned herself up, wiping the dry blood from her damaged skin, and threw her torn clothes in the corner of the bathroom. It was better to pretend the assault had never happened than let Roger back into her life. Seeing him once for a few fleeting moments was good enough for her. There was no need to give him an excuse to stay around. 

So, for a few days, Y/n stayed holed up in her apartment. There was enough food in the fridge to last her a while and enough money saved up to last her a few month’s rent. There was no need to search for a job when she looked like the apples at the fruit stand people never bought. 

Peace, or what was closest to it, settled over her as Y/n spent her time baking and reading. Anything to distract her. But that couldn’t last, now could it? Not when the telephone in the parlor rang and she foolishly picked it up.

“Hello.”

“You need to come pick up your paycheck,” Harry told her, no kindness in his voice. Tommy clearly hadn’t kept his mouth shut about what he thought she was. A backstabber.

She sighed and played with the hem of her apron. “Can’t someone drop it off?” Her question was answered with a ‘no’. “Why not?”

“Tommy said you have to pick it up yourself.”

The line fell silent before another word could be said. Y/n groaned at the thought of walking through those pub doors again. She was smart enough to know that the whole Shelby family would probably be there to greet her, shove money in her hands, and tell her get the fuck out of Birmingham. 

“What a fucking week,” she muttered as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She didn’t want to leave. Not because of some misunderstanding.

Clean clothes paired with freshly done hair, Y/n left her house to retrieve her paycheck. The walk was stressful, she wore a hat to conceal what her hair couldn’t, but she feared it wasn’t enough. There were no prying eyes, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel watched, ashamed from even stepping out the front door.

Finally upon her destination, she stared at the doors. A lamb to the slaughter, that’s what she felt like. She’d been kicked one too many times while down to feel like a lion. Like any animal that could stand upon another in victory. She was the field the mouse that ran from the hawk. The fly that flew straight into the spider’s web. The lamb that couldn’t escape slaughter. With all the courage she could muster, that being an ounce, Y/n took a deep breath and entered the pub, trying to forget about the lamb.

All conversations died when she stepped foot in the room, all eyes turned to her. There was no way she could meet anyone’s eyes, not when she knew what they thought of her. Tommy was against the bar, more focused on his drink than her, while his family threw looks of disgust at her. Not that she blamed any of them.

“I’m here for my paycheck.”

Polly rolled her eyes from where she sat at a booth with Esme. “Don’t know why you’d want to step foot in here now that we know what you are.”

“I asked her here, Pol,” Tommy told his aunt as he lite a cigarette. That earned him a groan from her, she was tired of his behavior when it came to women. 

“I just want my paycheck,” she announced to the room. “Give it to me and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to-”

“Why?” Tommy interrupted her.

“Why what?”

“Why’d you do it? Why’d you talk to Roger?”

It was hard to bite back her laughter, a bit of it spilling between her teeth and out her lips. “He talked to me, Tommy, not that you cared to ask though. Him and I used to be something, but that was a long time ago. But I guess I don’t owe you any explanation as to why I was talking with him because you never cared to ask before,” she sneered and brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

Though it was a small piece, it was enough to expose a bruised patch of skin on her jaw and upper cheek. Once full of disgust, everyone’s eyes softened. Perhaps it was a mixture of her bitter words and her damaged appearance, but it shifted the mood of the room. 

Tommy’s blue orbs, once ice-cold, warmed with concern. He stepped towards her out of instinct, “Who did this to you?” he asked, hand hovering by her cheek. He was desperate to touch her, feel her warm skin, and melt into her, but fear of rejection kept him from her. 

She shrugged, the shame from the walk over boiled away from anger. “Doesn’t matter,” Y/n waved the question off. “It’s not your problem anymore.”

“Like hell it isn’t!” He threw his arms in the air, any thought of his family being in the room vanished. “Who did this?” He demanded.

Y/n couldn’t meet his eyes, instead, taking in the pub’s walls she’d looked at almost every day. They hadn’t changed, but they didn’t have eyes that could gaze into the soul, nor lips that could crush the heart. Walls, that’s all they were. Nothing but wood, nails, and paint. They could do no harm. 

Perhaps the shame hadn’t gone away.

It sat dormant for a while as she felt like a lion, but once again she had become the mouse. The answer wasn’t one to fear, it was rather simple actually, but that wasn’t what kept it from her tongue. More than anything, she feared Tommy’s reaction. With the flip of a switch he could become a violent monster and she didn’t want to see that. She didn’t want to know the things he would do, the things he was capable of.

“Y/n,” his voice soft like honey pulled her gaze to him. She said nothing as his arms wrapped around her in an embrace. It was only minutes ago that he wanted nothing to do with her. “I should’ve talked to you instead of sent you away,” he whispered in her ear, hand rubbing her back. “I’m sorry for that. Now, please-” Tommy pulled away to see her face, the bruise on her jaw along with other small cuts clearly visible. “-tell me who did this?”

Not one for displays of affections, Y/n wanted to relish in the embrace for as long as she could. There was no telling when the man would do something like that again. But she knew that answer had to be given. “Someone Roger fucked over,” she muttered. “I don’t know his name, but none of that matters.”

A gentle finger lifted her chin, softer than the one that’d bruised her days before. “It does matter. Now, let’s get you a cup of tea and we’ll talk like we should have in the first place.”

*~~*~~*

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[batz]

I would love to hear about the fic concepts if you’re ok with sharing them!

ok!!!!

one is just silly harmless road trip fanfic. no exact story, just the gang in an RV going from point A to point B (hehe that rhymed). dialogue heavy and focusing primarily on charactr interaction. just lots of fun moments w everyone getting into a heated debate about how small m&ms are better than normal sized m&ms (gordon admits he doesnt rlly get the difference between them and everyone just starts ragging on him for it). tire ends up popping and theyre stuck at the side of the road and whoops, benrey fucking ate a chunk of the spare tire so now theyre STUCK. late night conversations between charactrs tht r just sweet n nice n vaguely profound, to contrast with the chaotic shenanigans that take place during the day. YEAH.. idk shenanigans moments whatwver

uhhhh bottle episode trope! science team ends up stuck in a room for a couple hours (maybe anothr fuck up at black mesa or smthn happend) and the whole fic is just. again dialogue heavy charactr interaction. mostly comedy with a little bit of feeling. coomer suggesting using benrey as a battering ram to Make An Exit bc the rescue team is taking their sweet time, bubby is panicking bc he Hates being Trapped, tommy is Trying to calm everyone down but is freaking out himself, benrey is Revelling in the chaos hes loving it, and gordon is eventually the voice of reason. basically episode where things end up getting rlly chaotic when they rlly dont need to be, and friendships r Put To The Test, n then they end up eventually getting rescued n their evn closer friemds than they were b4 even tho they were like never in like. danger. u know, typical bottle episode trope!

science team game night. typical friendship destroying game like monopoly or something. ends with the table being flipped & ppl r arguing. tommy is (again) the one 2 try to calm everyone down, gordon is too but he ends up joining the argument. coomer suggests that they should all Engage In Fisticuffs and the one left standing is the Real Winner Of Monopoly. benrey says something mean (like a rly juvenile insult) to bubby and bubby just storms out of the room childishly, definitely NOT bc hes gonna cry. gordon isnt the voice of reason in this one bc hes too petty, but tommy eventually just like. Has Enough. and just tells everyone to Shut The Hell Up!!! right as coomer is abt to throw hands w gordon. tommy apologizes right aftr fr being rude but also ths is Game Night everyone's supposed to b Friends and Lov Eachothr;_; typical end of episode friendship speech complete w anaologies 2 video games & lots of stuttering bc tommy brand..... his brand...... HDJDHDD n yeah ths one probs has a sitcom-esc happy ending 2 it bc i love me some sitcom tropez.

we need more funny n cute domestic hlvrai content... ESP when it leans into silly moments:')

[pigeonxp]

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

[tomhollandsmut]

Loose Ropes 🤷‍♀️

Dom!->Sub!Tom Holland X Sub!->Dom!Female!Reader

Characters: Y/N Y/L/N & Tom Holland

Point of View: 3rd Person Point of View

Warnings: Smut and swearing! Some fluff as well. THIS IS REALLY SMUTTY. FR. (and hell yeah, we got switches..😉)

Category: Imagine

Quick Summary: Tom punishes you, until the roles get switched...

Requested?: No

Author’s Notes: This is HELLA LONG. Enjoy this, my lovelies! Have a beautiful day. <3

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You knew that you weren’t following the rules. His rules to be exact. Tom told you to never touch yourself without his permission, and whenever he was away. And worst of all, he told you not to ever cum without his permission as well. Yet, here you were, touching yourself, gaining the best relief you could ever feel. You’ve had so much pent up sexual frustration, and it was amazing to finally let go of it all. You felt guilty, but you also needed this. You knew that you could (would) get in trouble for this, but Tom wasn’t here. He was at his Onward premiere, enjoying his time with the fans and his cast mates. He told you that he would be coming in 2 more days. It’s been about two weeks without Tom by your side, and you needed relief, so you resorted to this.

You were laying on your shared bed, with your panties rested at your ankles. You were in a state of bliss, and let out all of your moans and groans. You didn’t care that your neighbours would hear, you were more focused on pleasuring yourself, in the moment.

You reached your high, and never felt more relieved. You then heard footsteps coming towards you and Tom’s shared bedroom.

‘Wait what?! Is he already here? I thought he would be coming in just 2 more days! Shit! Did he hear me?!’ You had thoughts swirling in your head as you quickly rushed to pull up your panties, and throw over the covers. You pretended to sleep as Tom entered the bedroom. ‘I didn’t even hear him come in, what the fuck? Oh my god did he hear me?’

You felt Tom give you a kiss on your forehead and heard him start changing. You peeked a little through your eyelids and saw him changing into comfier clothes. Fuck Did you miss him. You closed your eyes as he lie down next you, trying not to wake you up. You pretended to wake up and held his hand that was wrapped around your waist.

“Mm, I missed you,” you said, "tiredly.” “I missed you too, angel.” Tom responded, as he gave you a kiss on your head. ‘Okay, so he didn’t hear me.’ You felt relieved and snuggled into his arms. You and Tom slept for about an hour, since he must’ve felt really tired and jet-lagged.

After your little nap together, you and Tom were on the couch relaxing, while watching some TV. Suddenly, Tom started kissing you, and he went on top of you, as it started to get a little heated. you moaned into the kiss, and Tom stopped, getting some air for the both of you. “I missed you so much, love,” Tom said, as he was about to kiss you again, but suddenly stopped halfway between you and Tom’s lips. “But I know what you did.”

You froze. ‘SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT...’ You looked into his eyes and put on your best innocent face. You backed up a little as you asked, “What?” You saw his eyes turn a shade darker, and you felt even more nervous than you already were.

He chuckled wickedly, and immediately set his hand on your throat and squeezed lightly, but enough for you to get a little lightheaded. You slightly whimpered as you heard him say, “Don’t act like you didn’t cum as I walked in. I know you broke my rules, doll.”

You tried to talk him into your excuses. “Tommy, baby, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I just wanted to cum so bad! I-”

You were interrupted by his laugh and his grip on your throat went a little tighter, until he fully let go. You then saw his demeanor change completely.

“I’m just kidding, darling. I know you wouldn’t break my rules.” Tom said while chuckling at your shocked and confused expression. He acted as if he hadn’t just choked you and found out your secret you though he wouldn’t ever find out.

‘How did he jus-? What? Okay, now he’s just playing with me.’ So, you decided to laugh along, as you sat up again.

Then, in a matter of seconds, Tom was about to kiss you again, then chuckled and stopped halfway between both of you and Tom’s lips, once again.

“Bedroom. Now.”

Your eyes widened as he kissed you.

You immediately ran to your bedroom and stripped, knowing that Tom would’ve wanted you to anyways. You lie down on the bed, waiting nervously for what Tom was going to do. You saw him walk into the room and he went to the dresser and grabbed out ropes and a red ball gag, and you whimpered at the sight.

‘Fuck.’

Tom tied your ankles to the bedposts with the rope, and put the ball gag on you, all while saying nothing. Dead silence filled the room as he went back to his dresser and pulled out your vibrating panties.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck...’ He could control your panties with just an app on his phone. You started to whimper as he walked up to you, and you looked at him with pleading eyes and furrowed eyebrows, as he put them on you. Tom then tied your ankles to the bedposts.

Tom looked at you with his dark eyes, and said, “Since you wanted to cum so bad, I’ll make you cum for the days you missed.”

Your eyes went wide, and you whimpered, as you heard Tom chuckle.

You missed 14 days. 2 whole painstaking weeks without orgasming.

“Listen to my rules, darling.”

Tom then left the room, and you heard him turn on the TV.

Then you felt the buzzing. Your groans, moans, and whimpers were muffled by the ball gag, but you were pretty sure that Tom could hear you. He in fact did, but tried to ignore you, as he put the TV’s volume louder, and wickedly smiled to himself.

You were on orgasm #8, and you were feeling a little weak from how intense the orgasms were. You were gripping the headboard for dear life, throughout the entire time.

You had to get out of the ropes You needed to. You couldn’t take it anymore.

So, you tried tugging on the ropes, and you found out that one of them was loose. ‘Why couldn’t I have found this out earlier?!’ you thought, as you mentally face-palmed yourself.

Thankfully, Tom gave you a short break, so you used this to your advantage, getting one of your hands out of the ropes. You reached over your other hand, and untied the other rope. You were mentally thanking the fact that your hands weren’t that sore from the ropes, since you gripped onto the headboard for the whole time. Then, once you were going to reach down to untie your ankles, you felt the buzzing come back again, and you flinched.

Thankfully you still had the ball gag on, so Tom wouldn’t hear you moaning out loud. You reached down, and slid the vibrating panties down to your ankles, and then untied your ankles from the bedposts. You unbuckled the ball gag from your mouth and massaged your jaw a little bit, and then quietly got off of the bed. You put on your clothes, and made your way out the door.

You looked out into the hallway, and saw Tom watching the TV. Perfect. Now’s your chance.

You casually walked over to Tom and saw his eyes immediately widen, and saw his expression switch from calm to confused.

“Y/N, how did you-” Tom said as he was getting up from the couch, but you quickly stopped him, and lightly squeezed your hand that wrapped around his throat. You heard him whimper and smirked as now he was the one with pleading eyes and furrowed eyebrows. His hands came up to wrap around the one around his throat, as you pushed him back down onto the couch. You straddled his waist and gave a peck to his forehead.

You were about to kiss him on the lips, but stopped midway from both of you and Tom’s lips, copying him from earlier.

“Bedroom. Now.”

You saw Tom’s eyes widen, and his mouth hang open. You closed his mouth and pressed a kiss to his lips. He swallowed hard and realized that he was following your rules now. He walked to the bedroom, as you turned off the TV, and followed him shortly after.

You saw him standing in the middle of the bedroom, fully clothed, and having a confused look on his face. He didn’t know what to do next, since you have been in charge of him like this, in the bedroom.

You internally got excited, but quickly said, “Strip.” You stripped only your sweatpants, and looked at him. He was still standing, flustered and confused, so you walked over to him, and kissed him. It was crazy how submissive he could get in a few seconds. But you loved it.

“Lay on your back. Hands and ankles to the bedposts.” Tom didn’t say anything, he was still too shocked and flustered to. You smirked when he listened to you.

“Look who’s in charge now, baby.” you said as you tied his wrists and ankles tot he bedposts, leaving him in the position you last were. You then grabbed the ball gag, washed it in the bathroom, and went back over to Tom. You looked at him with dark and lustful eyes, meanwhile he looked at you with big, sparkly, puppy dog eyes, filled with lust.

“Open up, baby.” you said, as you held the ball gag near his mouth, but Tom refused. You look at him with a stern look on your face, to which he quickly said, “Please angel, I’m so sorry for doing that to you, you don’t have to do this. I can make you feel good.”

You laughed at his request, “You already did.”

Tom’s mouth slightly hung open, and you took the chance to put the ball gag into his mouth. You then made sure that the ropes were secure, so that you wouldn’t make the same mistake he did, and so that he wouldn’t escape, just like you did. He whimpered when you tightened the ropes a little more, and you asked, “Is this okay?” He nodded and you gave him a kiss on his forehead, to which he whimpered again.

You looked at his hard cock. His tip was red and leaking with pre-cum, and he looked absolutely delicious.

You climbed back onto him, and straddled his lap. You left red and purple marks on his neck and upper chest, which made him moan and whimper. Tom was usually the one to leave those type of marks on your body. You looked up at him with one raised eyebrow, when you heard him tug on the ropes.

Tom looked so beautiful like this; his hands and ankles tied to the bedposts, his drool spilling from his lips, onto his chin and neck from the ball gag, his pink tinted cheeks, and his sparkly, puppy dog, lust filled eyes.

“You look so fucking beautiful like this, baby boy,” you said as you kissed down his abs, until you reached his hard cock. You held the base of his cock, which made him whimper under your touch.

“Is this what you want, Tommy? Do you want me to touch you?”

You saw him nod his head vigorously, and heard his whimpers. He tried to talk through the ball gag, but it was just a muffled and whimpered mess.

You chuckled and asked him, “Do you want to talk, Tommy?” He nodded his head, and tugged onto the restraints.

You laughed a little at how eager he was to finally be able to speak. “Okay, baby boy, okay.”

You reached over to his head, and unbuckled the ball gag from his head. You massaged his jaw, and asked if he was okay, to which he answered with a small, “Yes,” and a small smile. You smiled back at him, and kissed him. The kiss was soft, and light, but then got a little heated and needy. You traveled to his hard cock again, and placed small kisses to the side of his cock.

“Fuck darling, please don’t tease me.” Tom said, as he was groaning.

You looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, and innocently asked him, “But Tommy, didn’t you do the same thing?”

He groaned and you teased him more and more with your mouth and hands. You would sometimes lightly squeeze the base of his cock, and he would just moan. He couldn’t take it anymore, and just started to beg.

“Please doll, I want your mouth on me, anything! Please, I just wanna cum so badly.” Tom said, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence.

You could hear the neediness in his voice, and finally gave in. You licked his tip, and then wrapped your lips around it, and started to suck on it lightly. You traced the side of it with your tongue, and looked up at Tom, and saw his eyes rolled to the back of his head, as he let out a guttural moan.

You winked at him when he looked back at you, and he smiled back. You licked up the side of the shaft, and then deepthroated him as far as you could, without him expecting it. You felt Tom’s hips start bucking, and heard his moans pouring out of his mouth.

“Fuck darling, just like that! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you heard him say, breathily.

You could’ve came right then and there at the sound of his moans. They were music to your ears.

You deepthroated him, and then came back up to lick the tip, and you heard Tom moan, “Fuck. I’m gonna cum! Fuck love, right there, right-fuck!”

You immediately took your hands and mouth off of him as he came. He whined and whimpered, as you saw ribbons of his cum landing on his stomach.

“Fuck love, what the hell?!” Tom said, and you immediately grabbed his sensitive cock and lightly squeezed. “Want me to keep going?”

“Fuck! Please, no, doll,” Tom breathily whined.

You smirked at him, and kissed the tip of his cock, to which he bucked his hips and whimpered. You licked up the cum that was on his stomach, while looking directly into Tom’s eyes.

“Fuck princess, you’re such a tease.” Tom groaned. You smiled at him.

“You hungry?” you asked, as you straddled his waist.

“Fuck yeah. Come sit on my face, pretty girl.” you heard Tom say, to which you glared at him, and lightly squeezed his throat again.

You quickly smiled as he went back to his submissive side again. You kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear, “Know your place, baby.”

You straddled Tom’s face and asked if he was okay.

“Yes, love.”

You sat on his face, and he wasted no time to get you near your high. You were a moaning mess already. Even though Tom didn’t use his fingers, his nose was prodding at your clit, as he stuck his tongue inside of you, and quickly shook his head in your pussy. You grabbed onto his hair and caught him looking up at you, and you bit your lip.

“Fuck Tommy, just like that! Keep going, baby,” you moaned, getting out of breath quickly.

Tom then moved his lips and sucked your clit, to which you let out a breathy and loud moan. You heard Tom groan in your pussy, and the vibrations felt amazing, as you moaned again.

“Fuck love,” you heard Tom mumble into your pussy, which made you throw your head back and roll your eyes to the back of your head.

“Fuck Tommy! I’m gonna cum!” you moaned as Tom kept on licking and sucking your pussy, using his tongue and nose to pleasure you.

“Mm, cum for me, angel,” Tom mumbled into your clit, and you threw your head back, rolled your eyes into the back of your head, and moaned loudly. You were seeing nothing but white, and felt nothing but euphoria. Tom kept on eating you out, and licked up the mess he made you make, which made you moan even more.

When you caught your breath, you got off of Tom, and straddled his waist again, admiring how his face was soaked with your juices. You leaned down and kissed him, moaning into the kiss when you tasted yourself.

You then lined yourself up with Tom’s cock, and sank down.

“Ohhh, fuck,” you heard Tom say as he threw his head back against the headboard, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as you squeezed around him.

“Fuck darling, you’re so-fuck, you’re so fucking tight. I missed your tight pussy.” Tom moaned, and you clenched around him again, which made him moan again. You start moving up and down on his cock, and he starts to turn even more red, enjoying the view, and feeling hot.

“Fuck, you look so beautiful, darling,” Tom groaned. You felt him start to buck into you too, and your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you leaned down and kissed his lips, moaning into them.

You bit into his neck, and he groaned, “You like that, Tommy? Does that feel good, baby boy?”

Tom nodded, and you kept attacking his new sweet spot, licking and biting that spot. You leaned back up again, and bounced even harder onto his cock, and you hear Tom moan and see him gripping hard onto the headboard.

“Fuck baby, I’m getting so fucking close!” you whimpered to Tom.

“Me too angel, fuck, rub your clit for me, love. Just like that, darling,” Tom moaned while looking at you rubbing your clit in small circles.

“Fuck Tommy! I’m cumming!” you moaned as you came around his cock. Your orgasm felt more intense this time, and you felt even more euphoric than your last orgasm.

“Shit, shit, shit! Fuck yeah, darling. Come all on my cock. Fuuuckk” you heard Tom say as you were still caught up in your orgasm. You felt ribbons of cum coating your walls, and you clenched around Tom as he came, and he let out a guttural moan.

You didn’t see the mess you made until you heard Tom say, “Fuck princess, I didn’t know you could squirt. Damn, that was hot as hell.”

Your eyes widened as you looked at Tom’s body, and saw all of your juices, covering Tom’s chest and stomach. You turned redder than you were before, and hid your face with your hands.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Fuck I didn’t know I made this mess-” Tom cut you off and admitted, “No angel, don’t apologize to me about that. That shit was fucking hot. I’ll admit it.”

You looked at Tom, and leaned down to kiss him, which was sweet and soft. You finally got off of Tom and helped him out of the ropes. You clean up Tom, and he admires and smiles at you as you do. You smile back at him and playfully stick your tongue out at him, which makes Tom chuckle.

“I love you.” Tom said, stroking your cheek, which made you smile warmly at him.

“I love you more, Tommy.”

———————————————————

Author’s Notes: Thank you for reading!! So sorry that this was long as hell, and that it took me a long time to upload a fic, but hope you lovelies enjoyed<3

Feel free to like, reblog, and/or share!

———————————————————

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Roguish Women Part 23

Summary: Kate Rosseau is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 23: With Tommy and Kate now separated, they both have to make sense of their new realities. 

Warning: Abuse

         When the devil catches up to you, what do you do? Do you fight? Or do you admit defeat?

           Normally, it would be fairly easy to get Tommy out of jail, especially if it was a minor offense like breaching the peace. The Shelbys had enough pull in that sector. But it didn’t help his case that he punched one of the officers so hard that it burst a blood vessel in his eye. Still, they managed to get him released before dark the same day. Even by that time, he was still raging.

           “That bastard knew we were coming.” He ranted as he stormed through the betting shop.

           Polly was standing in the doorway of her office, arms crossed over her chest. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Thomas.”

           He stopped to glare at her. “What was that?”

           She pointed to his office. “She left a letter for you. I found it after you left.”

           Tommy almost hesitated to go read it. He was worried what it might say. Still, he didn’t have much of a choice, so he went into his office, taking off his coat and cap as he went. As Polly said, there was an envelope sitting on his desk, addressed to him. The envelope was the same type as the ones they used in the office. Maybe she had swiped one when she was passing through. The past couple of years, Tommy had grown to recognize her handwriting. Just like he recognized the scent of her perfume, her laugh, and even the sound of her heels walking down the hallway. But he was completely unaware that he had been cataloging all these little tells. No idea that she had made such a deep impression on him. Well, he didn’t know until she was gone.

           Bracing himself, he sat down at his desk and lit a cigarette. He opened the envelope and removed the folded parchment paper.

           Dear Tommy,

           By now you’ll know I’ve left and I don’t intend on coming back. I’m sorry it had to happen this way, but I wanted you to know that you did everything you could. In the end, this is just the way it has to be. I don’t feel I have enough time to tell you everything I want to tell you. I blame myself for that. Maybe if I had been more honest, I wouldn’t feel like I was leaving loose ends. But that’s my burden I have to carry, not yours.

           There are a lot of explanations as to why I did what I did. When the devil catches up to you, what do you do? Do you fight? Or do you admit defeat? When Santo threatened you and your family, I made up my mind. I’m not a martyr, I’m the one who brought this trouble to you in the first place. It’s my responsibility to take care of it.  So that’s what I’m doing now. I don’t want you at war with Santo or the Changrettas. Your family has had enough heartache as it is. To start a battle with them would only bring more grief.

           I obviously can’t control you, but I would urge you to just leave it be. Don’t try to find me in America and don’t try to cause anymore trouble with the Italians. Just leave it be.

           Please know that I’ve left my heart with you. I know I won’t ever love anyone the way I’ve loved you.  

           Please give everyone my love, including the boys in Camden Town.

           Always,

           Kate.

           Tommy was heartbroken. Heartbroken and furious. It was a strikingly same feeling to when Grace admitted she wasn’t pregnant. Betrayed was too weak of a word. But was it that simple? His eyes scanned the letter again. She had done it to protect him and his family. Why wasn’t he enough? Why couldn’t she trust that he would take care of her? Maybe he hadn’t proved it well enough to her. Maybe she saw how Grace collapsed in that ballroom, blood pouring from her wound, and thought she would be the next victim if she stayed.

           He stood up, throwing the letter to the side and pacing like a rabid dog in front of his desk. After his fourth or fifth pass, he couldn’t contain his grief. He threw a right hook at the wall with enough force to put a crack through the plaster. His brain didn’t even register the pain.

           Polly stepped into his office when she heard the loud bang. Her nephew sank to his knees, cradling his bloodied knuckles to his chest. He hunched over his head low. She could remember a time when he was in the same position. Only a young man finding out his mother had passed. It seemed to be the start. The formation of a man he currently was. Life continued to throw hurdles at him, relentless blows that he tried to take with a brave face. But even when he moved past the troubles, he left a piece of himself behind.

           Polly couldn’t guess what he needed most. His family could love him until the end of time but it didn’t seem to be enough. There was always something missing.

~~~~~~~~~~

           Kate couldn’t even begin to understand all the different emotions that hit her when they docked in Boston Harbor. When she stepped off the gangplank, she tried not to think about how many miles were now between her and Birmingham. She figured the less she tried to think about it, the better off she would be. The less heartbroken she would be.  

           She was full of trepidation. Santo hadn’t said much to her on the voyage across the Atlantic. It was almost as if he was waiting until they were finally back in his territory. Back where he felt most in control. And once he was back in that seat of power, there was no telling what he would do to her.

           Santo led Kate through the crowd of passengers to a Bugatti that was waiting for them.

           A well-dressed man stood near it and smiled when they approached. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss Kate. Been quite some time, hasn’t it?”

           She was well familiar with those who were closest to Santo. Every one of them was insufferable in her opinion. Only low-lifes wanted to cling to him. “Mick.” She muttered a begrudging greeting in response.

           “She looks a little down, boss, was it something I said?” Mickey asked with a hand to his heart, pretending to be offended.

           Santo chuckled and put a hand on Kate’s shoulder, pressing his fingers in a bit firmer than was necessary. “She’s just tired from the journey is all.”

           Mickey opened the back door of the car for them. “Well, ain’t too long of a drive back. Welcome home, Katie.”

~~~~~~~~

           The North End had been Santo’s home base since the beginning. The strong Italian community there was where he grew up and prospered. Kate had been there but was raised in South Boston, so she didn’t feel very at home there. She didn’t feel very at home at all in the city. It felt like such a distant part of her past, a part she wasn’t willing to revisit.

           Mickey drove them through the winding, narrow streets of the North End until they reached Santo’s home. He brought their luggage inside while they stood out on the sidewalk.

           Santo wrapped an arm around Kate’s waist, pulling her close. “What’d you think? Good spot, isn’t it? Got everything you need around too. Don’t have to go far for anything.”

           Kate felt nauseated as she looked up at the building.

           “C’mon.” He ushered her inside and upstairs.

           It was a significantly nicer place than Kate’s flat back in Small Heath. The sitting room had dark wood walls and a few stiff armchairs and sofas. Santo’s wealth was on display with art pieces on the wall, gold accents, and fragile vases adorning the side tables. The corridor led to a dining room and kitchen. Another set of stairs led up to the bedrooms.

           “Big improvement from that shit hole I think.” He remarked from the doorway as he watched Kate look around.

           “I hate it.” She replied and glared at him pointedly.

           She saw a flash of anger in his eyes but he just chuckled. “Well, you’ll learn to like it, won’t you?” He moved toward her. "This will be your home, so I think it'll grow on you."

           “You stay the fuck away from me.” She warned and tried to back away from him but the back of her knees hit an arm of the sofa.

           “Micina, I don’t want to fight with you. This was the arrangement. This is what you understood and agreed to before you left. Either you got the money or you married me. Simple as that. Now that you’re back, you’re going to honor that agreement.”

           “I’ll honor your agreement. But I’ll loathe you until the day I die. I’ll be fucking sick to my stomach whenever I look at you. I’ll hate every moment I’m in the same room as you. I’ll wake up every morning wishing you were dead.” She spat and squared her shoulders.

           That’s the breaking point she reached. Santo grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed her face up against the nearest wall. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “Listen here, you ungrateful bitch. You’ll learn to appreciate me. I own you now and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. If you fight me, if you insult me, if you ruin my image, I will send my men over to kill your beloved gypsies. And I’ll have them come back with all their heads in boxes so you can open them and see what you’ve done.”

           Kate wasn’t focused on the ache throbbing in her face or the pain from him pulling her hair. She was trying not to cry so to show him he wouldn’t beat her. In the end, her dignity was all she had left. He would never take that from her. “Burn in hell.” She snarled.

           “You fucking whore.” He let go of her hair and shoved her away from the wall just so he could slap her across the face. “Just you wait. If I have to beat obedience into you, I fucking will.” He jabbed a finger at her. “Now go upstairs and clean yourself up. You still smell like that disgusting city.”

           Kate stormed past him and up the stairs to the third story. She found the bathroom and locked herself in it. It was devastating to see herself in the mirror. Her lip was bloodied and she already had a bruise forming on her temple. Her hair was in disarray and her eye makeup was smudged. She was furious with herself. Furious that she had fallen so low by her own fault. She let out a scream of frustration and punched the mirror. The surface cracked and distorted her reflection. Blood dripped from her knuckles as she gripped the edge of the sink.

           She didn’t care if she had to fight him every day for the rest of her life. Santo would receive nothing from her. No peace. No love. No acceptance. Nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           If Kate had been there, Tommy might have admitted he was in way over his head. With everything from the Russians to Father Hughes, he felt at his wits end. Late at night, when he couldn’t sleep, he tried to imagine what Kate might say to him.

           I’m always right, Tommy, that’s why you should listen to me more.

           She was nearly always right. He longed for her to be there, to tell him she was right.

           “How many hours of sleep are you getting?” Polly asked moments after Esme and Lizzie left the sitting room. They had been there confronting him about bathrooms then suddenly about the robbery. God, it made his head spin.

           Tommy sat down at the table. “Doesn’t fucking matter. What matters is I can’t trust Esme and I can’t trust the fucking Russians and I can’t trust me own fucking brother with anything.” He snapped agitatedly.

           His aunt watched him as she lit a cigarette. “You would’ve trusted Kate with the information.”

           There was no denying the facial tic when he heard her name. Many people had been wary to mention her in front of him, afraid it would set him off or just send him into a darker place. But Polly didn’t fear him.

           “Kate didn’t run her mouth.” He muttered in reply, his eyes going down.

           “You’re right. She kept secrets well.”

           That only seemed to annoy him more. “You know there is a general lack of discipline in this fucking company.” He complained if anything just to try and steer the conversation elsewhere.

           “She made her decision. It can’t keep you occupied or things will go badly. You need to focus on what you’re dealing with now.” Polly advised.

           “I’m getting her back, Pol.” He spoke in a clipped manner. “I’m bringing her back home.”

           “Tommy…”

           “I just-I just need to kill that fucking priest and to have everything go to plan.”

           “You’re grieving.” She said calmly. “Of course, you are. You lost Grace and now you’ve lost her. But I know that you make bad choices when you grieve. Now more than ever, you need a level head. Maybe you need to forget her for the time being and take care of what you can here.” It wasn’t for Polly to decide who was right or wrong. She had no ill-will toward Kate, in fact, she had always appreciated her presence to be another one of logical thinking. But she felt it was very far-fetched for Tommy to try and launch a rescue mission. Especially because she didn’t know what sort of messes they would get tangled in if he tried. Facing America mobsters on their own turf was the last thing the family needed. Not when they were already wrapped up in some convoluted plan.

           “I’ll forget her when hell freezes over.” Tommy stood up. “I only told you about the priest, keep it that way.” He urged before he left in a huff.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea​ @karmezii​ @enrapturedbythemoon​ @vampgirl1997​

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Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[celestica-1988]

As Always

TheDirtNikkiSixxXFemaleReader.

Requested: Yes, by anonymous. Sorry fr the delay, I hope you like it.

“ If you're taking requests for the Netflix movie The Dirt, can I get a Nikki Sixx one-shot where the reader's a singer but a solo artist instead of in a band and she's been Nikki's girlfriend since he was in his band London and he forms Mötley Crüe and the band becomes famous and the reader becomes famous too and she drinks but doesn't do drugs and then Nikki overdoes on heroin like in the movie and it's a mix of angst and fluff?“

You were there since the beginning, even before Mötley Crüe existed.

You always been side by side with Nikki Sixx since day zero and you could remember everything that happened very well.

It was a stormy night, the noise of the rain on the roof was made to recall memories, especially now that things were so uncertain. Nikki presence in your life was so uncertain.

1978.

You remember like it was yesterday how you noticed that young homeless boy with long black hair and leather jacket. You were eighteen, he was around the same age as you. You watched him sleeping on the benchs of the park next to your apartment and you didn’t find the guts to talk to him.

In a rainy night like this one you finally asked him if he wanted to sleep in your house for a night. That was the beginning, your beginning. Nikki never left your house, you become friends and then one night he told you that he loved you, your heart started to beat faster, but it was natural answer “me too”.

You had so much in common: you both spent your teenage years in a foster home, you both have a difficult relationship with your parents and authorities, you both dreamed to hit the big time in music.

Nikki dreamed to create a band who would break the ground and give people something that they never saw before. You were a skilled singer who could also play guitar, you loved Janis Joplin and wanted to do a solo carrier.

Together you encouraged each other.

1981

The year in which Mötley Crüe was created.

At the time Nik was playing in a band called London, but he wasn’t happy. He kept having arguments with the singer, till one evening they fought on the stage. You knew that for Nikki London were over after this and you weren’t wrong. You were sitting in a bar and he was looking for band members on a local music paper.

“I wanna have my own band so I can decide the music I wanna play, Y/N.

I wanna create something new, Y/N. A show who will shock people.”

You nodded and caressed his hair, he had some tissue in the nose due to the fight. At some point a tall and lanky boy with long dark hair showed up to your table. He kept twirling drumsticks and he was a fan of Nikki, you could tell when he said he had a London’s poster. He was like a puppy, Nikki asked him where he learned the drumsticks’ trick, he said he learned it in the school’s band, but he said he did rock too.

And so you found your drummer kid.

After a while Mick came to your apartment and became the guitarist. There were a guy before him, but as much as he tried he didn’t fit with the band’s sound.

The last one was Vince. He was a Tommy’s friend who was already playing in a cover band, you went to a party and gave him a tape with your songs and the phone number. You were sure he would never call, but he did. He and his girlfriend came to the apartment and his voice was the last piece, now the band was complete.

1983.

Mötley Crüe carrier skyrocketed and so you had time to think about yours.

You followed Nikki in the first tour with Ozzy Osbourne, it was funny: parties after every concert, cocaine, alcohol, sex with Nikki.

All these thing made you happy, but on the long run they weren’t enough for you.

So you let him do his own thing.

You kept supporting and loving him, but you stepped back and in some ways you found your balance.

You lived in a mansion with him, when he was at home you spent quality time with him, it was like the time had stopped for you in those day. You and Nikki were still in such a bubble that you ignored the fact that he was too much cocked or drunk.

In the meantime a talent scout noted you while you were playing in a Hollywood local.

You were put under a contract and started to record an album. It was pop music, but still with a rock influence, it was okay. The only thing that bothered you was that you were forced to keep your relationship with Nikki a secret. Your contract said clearly that you should appear single at the eye of the public; least at the beginning, moreover a relationship with such problematic rockstar would not help you in any way according to your manager.

Nikki found it funny, the secret made everything more exciting to him.

So the time you spent together become more and more important and put you two in a bubble.

The bubble burst when one night you found Nikki in the wardrobe with a gun in his hand, shaking, next to him there were a syringe, a tie, a piece of something, a lighter and a bend spoon.

It was heroin, he was addicted to it and you didn’t even noticed.

It was 1985.

You felt a complete idiot.

……………………………………………………

Two years after you were sure idiot was the right word to describe you.

You were a hopeless idiot, who lived for the day Nikki finally would be free from drugs.

The last two years were difficult. The first thing you do was confront Nikki about heroin and why he took such a dangerous drug.

The answer shocked you, it was because heroin gave him that sense of being loved that he didn’t experienced during his childhood. You would ask him why you weren’t enough but you swallowed the question.

Deana started to call Nikki to make things worse and after every call he shot heroin in his vein, you never hated anyone more than his mother. One time you were so done that you smashed the answering machine against the wall. You didn’t want to hear her anymore, you didn’t want Nikki hear her anymore and suffer. His pained expression broke your heart, the tears and then the heroin killed you slowly.

What could you do to stop him?

You talked about it countless times, he always apologized but never said he would do something like rehab, there were some method in the way he was destroying himself and you were frustrated that you couldn’t do anything.

You grew to hate the contract that gave you fame and fans because it didn’t let you move freely on the heroin question. Roadshows were unbearable, you were scared that you would read that Nikki was dead or overdosed.

Even in happy moments Nikki needed drugs: he was completely drugged at Tommy and Heather wedding and you couldn’t stop him.

He was out of control and it seemed you were the only one worried about it

None of the Crüe were doing anything, Tommy said that maybe Nikki liked to stay there, but you couldn’t accept it. You were willing to fight, but he wasn’t.

You sighed thinking about your last fight: once again you found a syringe and Nikki was high of heroin.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t help it, I need heroin.

I need to…”

“Feel loved?  Than what am I to you?

I fucking love you, Nikki, I fucking love you before this band circus didn’t even exist, still you said you need to feel loved?

What the fuck should I do?

What the fuck is our relationship?

Do you even love me now?

Because I fucking love you and I’m fucking tired to not know what to do to help you.

Tell me something!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Sorry was the word he used most with you, he was sorry for everything but not willing to change.

“I think I need to reach the rock bottom before doing something, I can’t stop myself, Y/N.”

“Do you know what is the rock bottom? Fucking dying!

How could you do something after you are dead? Nikki, for God sake, let me help you.” He shook his head and that was how the conversation ended.

Now you were with your head in your hands, thinking and thinking about him.

You decided to turn on TV and the news you received was your worst nightmare: Nikki was dead by overdose.

You screamed like an animal, kicked everything you can, smashed things: everything not to think about the fact he was no longer on earth.

You could never talk to him again, nor kissed him or told him you loved him.

He was gone and your last memory of him was you two fighting and his pained expression, why didn’t you just kiss him and make love?

How could you ever know that it was the last time you would see him?

You cried your heart out, you watched your bloody hands and thought that if Nikki were there he surely would kiss them and said some nice words.

But he wasn’t.

He would never kissed you again.

You started to break stuff another time, than you curled up in the debris, holding and smelling one of the Nikki’s t-shirt you stole to him.

It was the fucking end.

It was the fucking rock bottom.

It fucking hurt like hell.

………………..

Some times later you heard the footsteps of someone.

“Y/N?”

Called a voice, it was Tommy.

“Where are you?” “I’m here.” You said in a low tone, Tommy reached you and he kneeled beside you.

“He’s dead, Tommy.

Fucking dead. And the last time we met we fought about heroin, I would give the world just to tell him that I love him.”

Your voice was raspy.

“Y/N, he is alive.”

“Are you kidding me?”

You got up and gave a deadly look at Tommy, he got up too.

“He was declared dead on the ambulance, his heart stopped, but he was revived by a paramedic.

He used two shot of adrenaline and Nikki woke up, he’s in the hospital now and I thought you wanted to see him.” “Is it true, Tommy?”

“Yes, come with me.”

“Sure.” You ran to the door and Tommy followed you.

You jumped in his car and he hurried to reach you. He started the car and you still couldn’t’ believe it was true. You needed to see him to be sure it was real, that Nikki was real.

You didn’t say a word during the drive, your fingers kept tapping nervously.

Finally you were at the hospital, you followed Tommy and you ended up in front of a white door.

“He’s in that room.” “Yes.”

You swallowed your anxiety and fears and you opened it.

Nikki was laying on the bed with his eyes open, you ran to him and then kneeled next to the bed.

You took his hand in yours and kissed it while you were crying.

“You are alive. You are fucking alive, thank God.

I’m so happy.”

Your head lowered on the hands, you felt Nikki’s other hand caressing your hair.

“You are a fucking idiot, but I love you more than my life.

Don’t scare me like that anymore, please.” “Y/N… I love you too, please, kiss me.”

You got up and kissed him softly and slowly, you felt him smile against your lips.

“When I was dying I was thinking about you and to all the shit I put you in.

You always stayed and never left, I don’t deserve you.” “Nikki…”

“But… I guess this is my rock bottom. I can’t lose you because of my own stupidity, I don’t wanna see you cry again for me.

Y/N, I wanna go to rehab and try to fix my life.”

You kissed him again.

“I will be by your side.

Always.”

He smiled.

“You always been…” “And I always will be.” You kissed him again and again.

You meant every single word you said, Nikki was willing to live finally and you weren’t going anywhere.

You two would be together.

As always.