#Toast arfid

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

My partner just told me his dad always used old crusty ass bread for French toast like that’s normal and not deeply disturbing, maybe I just have a weak stomach but the thought of consuming rancid moldy bread like that, even cooked, makes me really nauseous

Is this a thing??? He swears it’s a thing. Like he has never heard of making French toast with fresh ass bread like actual good bread??

No way in fuck restaurants are allowed to do this, right?????

I’m actually so scared of the answer

[food-fear]

Things that make me go hmm from this article

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

Sometimes in life all you can eat is garlic toast and ya know what? That’s okay garlic toast is fucking scrumptious

[uncivilcivilservice]

It really is rude of my immune system to be such a weak lil bitch just because I never provide with with the adequate nutrients it needs. Like, okay? So you've not seen a fruit or vegetable since March, that's no excuse for letting this virus fuck us up like this

[sunnibits]

y’all I tried modifying some tomato sauce using some inspiration from an arrabbiata recipe and now my house smells like a pizza place or some shit oml it smells SCRUMPTIOUS

[tears-exe]

Vent in tags

Cw choking slight talk of throwing up

[writinginaforrest]

Guts (feat. a Journey to Bolton Film Festival)

(7th Oct 2024)

This is more like a diary entry than an essay. More anecdotal than what I've written previously. That being said, this is my blog, I can do what I want. In the following I talk about my experiences with my Eating Disorder (ARFID) in considerable detail, if that will make you uncomfortable or distressed, I'd say skip this one. We can catch each other next time around, look after yourself.

I’ve never been to Bolton before. And yet, perhaps I give off the energy of someone who has settled there. It wasn’t twenty minutes after my friend and I stepped off the train that two people asked us for directions, and all we could do was respond in a good-faith bewilderment that we were in fact not native to the area. It did remind me remarkably of a town in Cornwall though. Everything shuttered in the middle of a sunday. Bare streets. A little grey. One of those out-of-the-way places the Government has forgotten about. Still, I couldn’t deny walking down the high street that there were some gorgeous buildings dotted around. 

I walked into the shopping centre, my friend and I got some pictures of the posters for the films showing, and then we eventually found our way into the cinema. There were perhaps seven other people in there by the time the reel started. While I always encourage people to go to the cinema, I can’t help but feel a slight joy when I have a screen all to myself. Maybe it’s selfish. Either way, it was just me, my friend, and these seven other people sitting dotted around this theatre all having a love (or in my friend’s case, being brought by someone who loves) film. 

We saw five shorts:

Pavane (Pauline Gay, 2023, France)

Guts (Margaux Susi, 2023, United States)

Grill (Jade Hærem Aksnes, 2023, Norway)

Heap (Kyle Marchen, 2023, Canada)

An Orange From Jaffa (Mohammed Almughanni, 2024, Occupied Palestinian Territory)

I can’t stress enough how consistently good these shorts were. Dark, Funny, but also thought provoking and cathartic. It made me happy to see a Palestinian film in the mix-up, a small act of defiance against the forces trying to make them lose hope, it looked gorgeous and was written amazingly. Grill was bleak and relatable, Pavane made me think about my mother, and Heap was my favourite out of the group, a real mind-fuck kind of film, and aesthetically brilliant. A sort of shortened Black Mirror. 

But Guts. That stirred up a lot of feelings for me. It was the reason I went to see that particular block of films. I’m a fan of StarKid and Smosh and also Watched all (at the time) Sixteen seasons of Grey’s anatomy in a matter of weeks. Angela Giarratana and Kate Burton?? Opposite Each other?? In a Movie playing in a theatre near me?? Sign Me Up. 

I knew it was about a Girl in recovery. Specifically from an Eating Disorder. I knew Angela’s character was a girl who invited a stranger to dinner because eating with other people is easier than eating alone. I’ve been there. It was only semi-recently that my own eating disorder was brought to my attention. I confided in my friend (the selfsame who came with me to this screening) with a self deprecating chuckle that I’d been eating little other than a couple of slices of toast a day for Three or so weeks. Food has always (and continues to be) a source of anxiety for me. Just as one might be scared of what would happen if they put their hand on the stove (you stand there and imagine the searing pain, the blisters, the burns, it inevitably puts you off the action) I was scared of eating. I was scared of putting food in my body. I was scared of feeling the food in my mouth. Of chewing it. Of actually doing the act. The thought of eating made me feel sick. Fear would wrap an iron grip around my stomach to the point where I’d turn to my trusty loaf of bread and salted butter to get the job done. My friend pointed out with a face twisted with concern that eating that way isn’t normal. Being scared of food isn’t normal. I recounted that it had been this way for as long as I could remember and she informed me that it sounded like I had ARFID. 

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I won’t spout the facts at you but it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. Being aware of it has helped me in a way. But it’s so incredibly present. The other day I simply could not decide what I wanted to eat. I ran through the options in my head and the thought of consuming those things filled me with the familiar dread. There it was again. Instead of deciding what to eat, I let the wave of dread take me and I lay in my bed for an hour and a half, on top of the covers and staring at the ceiling. I had to self regulate. I had to calm down. It had been a good day, and then everything fell apart. 

Guts said so adequately what I had been struggling to verbalise. Hearing Angela speak the things that I needed to remind myself of (Jan Rosenberg’s writing perhaps is the direction I should be tipping my hat to in this regard) made my heart feel a certain way. 

And Jesus Christ that’s why I love movies. 

[lokilysolbitch]

is the problem with processed food fr just more sugar, fat, sodium, etc. like is this what people (mainly my parents bc they're semi crunchy) are fearmongering aboug. is this what they're treating as the devil. higher sodium content

i have arfid i literally need more of every food group. and i have pots so i need more sodium anyways.

like this is nowhere near straight poison like they act like it is. it just has different nutrient ratios than other foods. that's literally fine. i'll just slap a multivitamin and some frozen dragon fruit on top.

not to mention some processed foods like cereals have added nutrients. (maybe even some types of flour too but don't remember)

idk like my mom made it sound like spam was some mystery meat with floor cleaner and "dyes and chemicals" in it but i read food labels for fun and i collect spam containers. and knew there was no dye in it off the top of my head and then i literally pulled an empty can out from a few feet away and read the whole ingredient list. it's really short. it's mainly pork and chicken. protein. it's got a bit of potassium actually too. oh also there are literally no dyes in spam

then she heard the chicken was mechanically separated and made it a whole thing bc "who knows what that means" idk but i imagine it's just. separated by machine. lets google

okay so yeah ground up meat they pushed off the bone with a machine. so just meat

and she also went on about how it's like from weird parts of the chicken/pork or stuff like that but like. we as a society. eat chicken muscles regularly. so like as long as it doesn't kill me it's just chicken and pork.

and then she went on about how "have i ever seen how spam is made" like babs. have you seen ground beef. sometimes food making looks icky and i don't care because i'm older than five.

i genuinely feel like i must be missing something major because there's no way people are making a big deal out of something just being a little less nutritious and icky-looking. like. there's no way. there must be something else im missing.

like what, are there carcinogens??? there's carcinogens in over-burnt toast too but no one throws a fit about that.

anyway my only other proteins i like are either being recalled for listeria or make my stomach hurt so much it's debilitating so i've been eating spam and people keep making me feel like i'm eating slices of cement but it's just protein and salt. and a little potassium. and it doesn't make my stomach hurt. and it tastes good after just pan frying it for a little bit and adding some pepper. it's a godsend and i'm tired of that not being recognized✋

[cosmic-d1ce]

cw for eating disorders and vomit mentions!!

I can't remember if someone said this or if I'm just delusional, but fml!phil being autistic has me clawing at the walls like a stray, feral cat 🫶

since autism and ARFID can relate on occasion, it made me think phil would absolutely have ARFID. prior to being kidnapped, most people assume he's just a very picky eater. however, his time with forever shows that it's a lot more than that.

he cant tell forever he can't eat this without being scared of the consequences or feeling bad about denying food that forever worked so hard to cook.

but he also can't bring himself to eat it - not with forever watching him like a hawk and certainly not without being scared of throwing it back up.

he frequently forgets to eat, or is just reluctant to do so. if forever notices, it leaves him hovering over phil like a helicopter parent, which only makes it all worse.

It was me FML/Q!Phil is so so autism

With this comes his aversion to food other than avocado toast. It's the only thing he will eat willingly, it's the only food he doesn't feel like throwing up immediately after eating it. Honestly he struggles to eat a lot of the food Chayanne makes, not because it's bad, just because it's not his safe food and also texture issues. Lot of the dishes Chayanne makes have little bits that Phil just can't do

So when he's kidnapped and (first of all, not allowed to eat anything for several days) he isn't given food he likes or wants, he simply will not eat it. It doesn't matter that he hasn't eaten in over a week now, it doesn't matter that not eating the food makes Forever upset. He will not and cannot eat it.

Also, he is very mentally ill and has hallucinations and delusions and this very often means that Phil believes his food is poisoned if he was not the one to make it. This now, as he has been kidnapped, is an actual threat that does have weight to it and Forever is drugging him regularly

fml Phil does not eat, basically ever. A mix of not having his safe food, AFRID, paranoia and delusion make it so he physically can't. If he's forced, he throws it up

Forever will eventually relent and let Phil make himself some avocado toast but he does still try to make him eat the food he makes for them, he just isn't very successful most of the time

Richas is also autistic so Forever gets it a little but Richas isn't even nearly as bad as Phil is

[transboysokka]

update on the earlier stuff and how i know I’m in trouble

so starting out by saying that I DID eat cereal and the avocado toast and a custard waffle today, so we’re not in any real danger with like. Amount of consumption. Yet.

but when things were really dangerously bad starting about a year ago now, it started out the same. Like the nausea around even thinking about eating and being unable to do it?

routines help me a lot. Every day my school makes me lunch and dinner. Im still working on doing the lunch but I do eat the dinner and I take it every day and eat it all no matter about texture or pickiness or whatever. Good.

I HAVE started getting pickier gradually now that I think about it, and I still NEVER take fish but I mean. That’s still pretty good. For me.

So dealing with the ARFID has been. Fine. It’s the other worse random anorexia-adjacent stuff im worried about now…

Like I got the food today and just stared at it and couldn’t eat any of it. I thought I smelled fish in there, probably imagined it. Had to dump it out untouched in front of my students. Embarrassing.

Now we’ve got the weekend and even on my best days I never did well on weekends yet…

My plan is to force down a protein drink when I get home and make sure I’m AT LEAST doing one of those Saturday and Sunday each but

Oof not good

If I get to a point where I get used to the hunger it’s over….

[allabouttaleblr]

things about my iteration of johnny ghost that i projected onto him:

- one of his favorite genres is metal music (partially because it’s very good sensory seeking)

- he’s autistic

- he has arfid (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) and suffers some minor health issues, such as exhaustion and weakness, as a result

- he’s not a particularly great cook, but he can follow any instructions given to him and make fairly good food

- his all-time favorite film is jurassic park

- he has adhd

- he has chronic migraines, but not on the extreme side. generally just gets the pain, occasional sensitivity to lights, and occasional mild dizziness.

- he listens to and generally enjoys goth music.

- he will continue to listen to metal music/rock music while having a migraine.

- no otc headache medications (ibuprofen, tylenol, excedrin) work for him anymore, but toast will still try and make him take them.

- he can sew, but generally only knows how to sew patches onto fabric

- he moves in his sleep

- he will let his room get pretty messy and not have the mental energy to clean it for weeks. then, he’ll suddenly get a burst of inspiration and clean it all in three hours.

- he’s not the best at a lot of general tasks and never has any idea how to carry out a task for the first time unless given very detailed instructions

- he can follow instructions really well. he can do laundry, cook some basic dishes, and do some small cleaning.

- he largely only drinks water when sick- and it is the only thing he can drink while sick.

- his favorite music genres (in no particular order) are rock, emo, goth, metal and punk.

[rustic-moth]

(I'm tired of making these posts) RIVER!

God, where to start with this guy. They're a rodent collecting, peach toast loving, artist, and photographer originally from Chicago, Illinois, who used to be stupid rich before giving up all their assets to live with a gay bird guy for a while in a trailer in the middle of the woods. She also has a ferret named Chicago, whom he loves dearly and spoils often. They do struggle with obsessive, compulsive thoughts and ARFID, but they're kinda chill otherwise and don't let it get to them (yes, they do, LOOK AT THEM!) Them and Pilot used to date, but due to a misunderstanding, they separated. He still has feelings for him, but they've given up trying to get back together with him, seeing he's now dating Penelope (though River later develops feelings for her too)

For now, she lives in a trailer in the middle of the woods, does freelance art and photography work, and takes care of Chicago and whatever other rodent decides to come their way.

They're my favorite, I project on them a lot, and I wish they were real.

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

The baby’s eating is steadily getting worse. I couldn’t even tell you what he will eat now. Toast and crumpets I think are what we are down to. Homemade puréed food is out. Even 7mth pouches are seeming a bit iffy. Last night although he would touch the potato waffle, there was no way it was going in his mouth. He’s taken to tentatively licking food for a while before taking a bite. Even his morning milk often takes several minutes of anxiety before he starts to drink it.

I am starting to understand the basics of ARFID but it is really difficult to watch it evolving literally in front of you. Where is it going to end?

[dirtyferretsowo]

I have arfid and I'm so fucking pissed at my brother he eats the food that's the only stuff I can eat in the house. it doesn't matter to him if he eats a entire box of chicken nuggets cause he has other food but he doesn't get thats my food that's supposed to be what I eat for awhile. my parents dont mind me asking to get more stuff but I feel so fucking guilty that I'm costing them so much and have anxiety asking for things so I don't and have to just eat toast and cereal till I work up the courage and I hate it I know I should just ask but it would also help if he didn't eat my only options while he has shelves and freezers filled with food that he can eat idk I'm just annoyed I guess.

[sniffanimal]

as eating disorder awareness week comes to an end, I want to talk about disordered eating habits that ARENT eating disorders (probably), but you should still pay attention to them.

obligatory I'm not an expert or anything I just have been in ED recovery for ARFID off and in since 2017

I would consider myself "recovered" right now, I don't struggle with new foods and can generally eat whatever I try to eat. But I do fall into bad habits that don't support my recovery, and I know a lot of them are really common. I talked about it with my psychiatrist today.

If you find that you're often brain foggy, out of it, can't focus despite being medicated, or doing everything in your Coping Toolbox: it might be your diet. And I'm not here to ascribe morality to any food: merely point out that your brain needs energy to function. If you, like me, tend to be a "coffee for breakfast and then maybe a snack and then a reasonable dinner" eater, you might not really realize that you're restricting your food intake.

Your brain uses 20% of the body's energy intake. Recent studies suggest 2/3 of that is for the basic functions of the nervous system. Low blood sugar, even if you're not diabetic, can cause significant cognitive functioning issues.

I am definitely including myself when I say I see a lot of us complaining of fatigue and fog when we aren't giving our bodies enough energy to work properly.

So even if you are subclinical for an eating disorder, or are in recovery, or whatever, pay attention to your eating habits and maybe try a protein bar or candy or a banana or something solid with your coffee like toast. Try to eat multiple times a day, at least 3.

I'm not a nutritionist, I think a lot of nutritional studies can be misleading, and I think food is morality neutral. Eat what you can, when you can, just be sure to take care of your brain.

if it helps I think of myself like a pet I got to take care of

[drowning-rat37]

Rant post~

Tw: Mention of weight l0ss/gain, 3d, and being ill

(I don’t know if it’s necessary but I’m putting a tw anyway)

I love my sister, she’s great but sometimes i just wonder what is going through her head. The other week she asked me for weight loss advice fully knowing how/why i lost weight so quickly and today when i told her i was ill when she came over pulled the “that’s because you don’t watch what you eat. You should eat healthier” card. Like omg I’m sorry that I don’t eat ✨avocado on toast✨ with all the fancy seasonings. A. I literally cannot afford to even buy half the suff she buys and B. She knows fully well that i have arfid and would rather 💀 than eat 99% of the foods she eats. I would get over what she had said if she had just said it once and moved on but instead, she had to lecture me about it and tell me “I’m surprised you don’t gain from all the rubbish you eat”. Like I’m upset that she said all that and made me feel like trash but I’m also worried because she had ana like 5 years ago and the way that she’s talking makes me concerned that she’s going to r3l4pse and i know it’s a high possibility because she’s going through a lot of stress atm (ik this sounds selfish) but if she does i know that I’m going to have to get back in contact with my mother which will be a whole ordeal and I don’t think i can mentally deal with her (my mother). Lmao, anyway, have a good day :)