#To future me: You got this. Celebrate and be happy. You made it to 18

[anonymousfoz]

HEY! READ THIS PEOPLE!

This is Past Ty (This was written on august 28th)

This is going to be super weird because I'm talking to the future but its how I do things.

Anyways, look. Today is my 18th birthday (September 9th). And I will have band practice from 9 to 5.

Normally people are happy for their sweet 18 but there were people who would be celebrating this day with me who are no longer around. And that really ruins the day for me thinking about how they would feel and knowing they aren't here. It's the hardest day to get away from dark thought outside practice.

this made my 16th and 17th birthday so horrible and I tend to want to forget about these days.

THATS WHERE YOU COME IN!

Even if you don't know me, show some love! It doesn't have to be off the walls crazy, just a little sign to myself in the future that things are okay and to be proud of this milestone. And knowing myself, I will forget I written this and queued it.

Does this make sense?

Write message to future Ty because past Ty told you.

To my future self: It's okay that Kye and Grandma and Grandpa Joe aren't here, they would be so proud and happy of you if they were still here. Hold your chin up, this day doesn't have to be tough for us. Make them proud and celebrate the day with people you love.

It's no longer your day, it's our day to celebrate! Throw a party, be dumb! Worry about trouble later, have fun today so you can look back at this day with happiness instead of darkness like the past 3 birthdays.

And stay away from knives, your clumsy. Don't cut any cake, just have someone else do it. Seriously, do not cut any cake. We don't need a repeat of last year!

[muddyorbsblr]

the final Lady Sharpe part 5: sent away

Series Masterlist See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: @ellooo0ooo

Summary: Your plans with Thomas are coming to an end as his machine parts arrive and you both head into the city to set into motion Lucille's arrest.

Pairing: Thomas Sharpe x Reader

Word Count: 5.2k (get a drink ready)

Warning/s: 18+ | smut (minors & pearl clutchers exit the room i only ask nicely once); vaginal fingering; oral sex (f receiving); Lucille Sharpe (yes she's a warning) [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: married blorbos are snowed in (oh no how terrible 😈😏); Thomas is a simp for his wife; mutual pining sad blorbos hours

Dick-tionary: smut starts at "If we cannot lay together, then at least let me pleasure you." and ends at "…except one somber truth"

Logically there was no good reason why Thomas would wake this morning in a significantly better mood, considering that he was still stuck in this manor, a death sentence care of his psychotic murderous sister still looming over your head, and tasked with a nightly distraction that even the mere thought of it made his stomach want to turn. And yet somehow, in these few moments when he got to rouse from sleep before you did, getting to really look upon your features at a seemingly peaceful rest while he held you in his arms, there was a contentment that blanketed him and kept him warm despite the biting cold of winter.

If he could keep even at least this after this treacherous endeavor was done with, if he could keep you, then perhaps he could believe himself still deserving of happiness despite all the devastation he'd wrought throughout the years. There was no version of the near future that he could picture where he would be denied the simplest pleasure of getting to see you, perhaps even hold you. And with those thoughts, his mood had begun to sour, fully knowing that that was what awaited him at the end of the road. Dissolution of marriage.

And he couldn't even fault you for that. Why would you wish to stay with him given the context on why he'd chosen to court you? Why would you have any reason to believe him if he could muster up the courage to tell you that he'd fallen irretrievably in love with you and that he wanted more than anything to try to make this marriage work? To make it real?

He traced the back of his finger across your cheekbone, his heart twisting and melting all at once when you smiled and nuzzled your cheek against his chest. "I love you," he whispered, hoping that somehow his message would reach into your dreams. "I don't want you to leave if we make it through this. I wish to stay with you. Wherever you wish to go, I'll happily follow."

You began to stir in his arms, soft groans coming from you as you slowly roused in your husband's embrace. "Hmm?" The baronet's heart caught in his throat when your eyes fluttered open and met his, a soft smile stretching across your face. "Morning..."

He couldn't resist the urge to press a kiss to the tip of your nose, doing his best to fight back the desire to do nothing more than simply to stay in bed just like this when you rewarded him with such a lighthearted, melodic giggling in response. "Good morning, wife."

"Big day today," you mumbled, failing to fight back a yawn as you worked your way out of his embrace to sit up on the bed. "Your machine parts arrive today if your supplier and the postal service is on schedule. I just have to get all the duplicate documents I've had hidden away in your workshop together so I can send them over to my contacts in Scotland Yard." Excitement colored your features as you reached for his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "It's almost over. We actually did it. You're almost free."

Thomas' stomach dropped as the reality of the situation dawned on him, mentally counting back on how long it had been since he carried you in his arms across the threshold of Allerdale Hall and you concocted a plan that might grant him his freedom from Lucille's reign of terror. Three and a half weeks. He would be expecting the notice from the post office any day now. Tears prickled in the back of his eyes as your words haunted him.

You'll be free from me, too.

You seemed oblivious to the darkness that begun to plague him as you bounded your way over to the wardrobe, starting to dress yourself so that you two could grab something to eat. And check on your mail for the day.

Thomas made his way to you, gently placing his hands over yours while you did up the buttons up the back of your dress. "May I?"

"Go ahead," you said breathily, releasing your hold on the stiff buttons. Your husband took his time carefully slipping each stiff button through its loop, softly kissing your temple as he worked his way up your back.

He rushed to grab for your collar piece before you reached for it, making you both break out into light chuckles as he tightened his other arm around you, pressing a kiss to your cheek once he'd successfully grabbed the piece of fabric. "Never pictured you to be the type that had a playful mood, husband," you giggled, righting yourself and gathering your hair in your hands so he could secure the piece around your neck.

Before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips to the back of your neck, the sound of your staggered breathing and faint whimper spurring him on to press another. And another. All so that the words that danced on the tip of his tongue couldn't escape. Come back to bed. I wish to hold you a while longer. I have no desire to leave this room.

And the most dangerous words of all. Words that he never thought he would say to another and fully mean them. I love you. And I wish to spend the rest of my life with you.

"Thomas," you gasped his name like you were fighting for breath, reaching behind you and holding on to him to keep yourself upright. He groaned against your neck when your hand met the bare skin of his stomach. "What's gotten into you?"

His adamant words from many nights ago nearly slipped from his lips. You're my wife. I should be with you. It should be you.

"Can I not simply indulge in greeting my wife--"

The sharp rapping of knuckles on your bedroom door pulled you both harshly out of the moment, worsened by the shrill tone of Lucille on the other end. "If you both dawdle about, breakfast will get cold."

"We'll be down shortly, Lucille, just start without us," you called back, muttering something about mood ruiners. "We should go," you told him with a downhearted exhale, your breath hitching again when it seemed that the last few moments seemed to have no effect on Thomas, who resumed with kissing along the column of your neck. "Thomas, didn't you hear your sister? Breakfast will get cold."

"Then we'll eat it cold, darling," he mumbled, setting your collar piece back down on your dresser so he could wrap his arms around you. He turned you around in his arms, mesmerized as he watched your hair slip from your hand and fall to frame your face. "Have I told you how exquisite you look in the morning light?"

You broke out into a smile, averting your gaze from his as you made a motion to step out of his hold. "Thomas come on, we should go you need to--"

"Or how I think you're absolutely brilliant?" he cut you off, framing your face in his hands before pressing a tender kiss to your lips. Will I ever get to tell you that I've fallen in love with you? he thought to himself, savoring the fleeting moment where you returned his kiss before breaking it, taking a step backward and looking visibly flustered.

There was a long moment of deafening quiet before you spoke again, your tone soft, almost wistful. "If you keep this up, Sir Sharpe, I'll have no choice but to miss you when this is all over." Your expression became guarded, veiling to your husband the poignant fact that you, too, dreaded what would come after today.

The truth was that you already missed him, longed for him, even when he was already within your arm's reach. Just as he longed for you.

"There is still no mail that has come for your wife, Thomas," Lucille seethed the moment she made his way to his side as he fixed some tea for both of you. "I am growing quite impatient, it's nearly been a month and still no correspondence regarding her inheritance has come for her. In fact, no correspondence has come for her at all. As if there isn't a single soul that even cares to check up on her. Keep in touch. Could it be possible, sweet boy, that this Y/N is playing us for fools?"

A lump formed in Thomas' throat at his sister's suggestion, panic rising inside of him knowing how close her speculation actually was to the truth. "She did mention her father was quite the busy man, perhaps he has been overwhelmed with his work and will reach out soon."

"Well the old fool better hurry," she hissed. "The sooner we get what we need from this one, the sooner we can build toward an even better life together. Perhaps even make our way out of this decaying house. Finally let it sink to the ground."

The only better life I can envision is with the woman waiting for me at the dining table, he wanted so desperately to bite back. "Has any correspondence arrived for me, sister?" He struggled to keep his composure, forcing a smile on his face as he faced her cold, calculating features. How could you ever have convinced me that what we had, what you had me do, was love?

She was visibly taken aback by how he diverted the conversation, no longer speaking in a hushed tone and ensuring that you could hear from where you sat. "There--There is. A notice that those parts you ordered for your machine have come in. You'll need to sign for them at the post office."

"Excellent, I can bring Y/N along with me. Make a day of it."

Your face lit up at the mention of the notice. His supplier was perfectly within schedule. The end of your time together truly was drawing near; nearer than he ever wanted. "I would love to come with you to the city, husband," you beamed at him. "There are some letters I wish to send to my family as well. Keep them apprised of what I've been up to since getting married. All about Allerdale Hall and its rich history."

"That sounds like a perfect idea," Lucille told you both through gritted teeth. "I hope you two have a lovely time, then. Do try to get home before the blizzard strikes." Before Thomas made his way back to you, Lucille grabbed his arm in a talon-like grip. "The moment any form of correspondence comes for her, you are to tell me right away, dear brother. My patience can only last for so long."

"Ah, Miss Y/L/N, aren't you quite the sight to behold. How long has it been since you've aided us in a case with your expansive knowledge?" Detective Jeffries, a colleague of yours from Scotland Yard, was there to pick up his own mail from the post office and bumped into you and Thomas right as you arrived.

"Too long, Jeffries. Hopefully not so long that you'd all forgotten that the reason for my prolonged absence has been my acclimation to married life. I actually go by Lady Sharpe now," you politely corrected him, giving his hand a firm shake before gesturing toward your husband. There was a noticeable pinch at your heart calling yourself that. Lady Sharpe. You wouldn't be for long if things worked out according to plan. "I'd like to introduce you to my husband, Sir Thomas Sharpe. Lord of Allerdale Hall."

There was a fleeting moment of pure glee on Thomas' face at your introduction before he settled into a more cordial expression, stepping forward to shake the detective's hand. "Good to meet you, Detective," he greeted, placing his other hand on the small of your back before stepping back to your side. "I shall go see to my deliveries now, darling." Before he walked away and let you catch up with your colleague, he pressed a kiss to your cheek, giving you a soft smile before walking further into the post office for his parcel.

"And here I once recalled a feisty consultant insisting that she'd never fall in love or become the marrying type," Jeffries teased, wagging a finger at you as if to tell you 'I told you so'. "Matrimony becomes you, though, my friend. Both you and your husband are positively radiant with your adoration for one another. It doesn't take a detective to notice that."

His remark sat heavily in your heart, every part of you struggling not to give it away that the words struck a nerve. This marriage was a sham, and it would all be over soon. Thomas was just doing a remarkable job at pretending, and you…you didn't have to. Out here in public, feeding into the image of a newlywed couple happily in love, this was the only time you could let your love for him show. To communicate the sentiment that you would never dare to with words.

"Right well uhm…" You cleared your throat, shaking your head as if to shoo the conversation away. "What you said about aiding you all with a case…that's actually what I came here for. You remember those cases on the board that we could never make any headway on? Enola Sciotti? Edith Cushing? Pamela Upton? All missing persons cases?"

"Don't tell me you were spending your honeymoon investigating these cases, Y/N, that's simply depressing--"

"I didn't actively seek out the information, I stumbled into it," you cut him off, clutching the envelope of documents in your hand with a death grip. "Married into it, really."

Sheer horror colored your friend's features, throwing a look at the baronet currently making small talk with the workers inside as he signed for his parcels. "He--"

"No, Jeffries, not him. His sister. Lucille Sharpe. Right piece of work, that one. Sad to say they're no longer 'missing persons' cases." You placed the envelope into his hands, holding his gaze and hoping that he could see the desperation in your eyes. "These are copies of death certificates, marriage certificates, and money transfers. It paints a morbid timeline that will tell you what happened, what's been happening, behind the doors of Allerdale Hall. I've also made a transcript from recordings I found from a phonograph. One of his former wives caught a confession from Lucille Sharpe. There's a map of the manor in there as well, showing you where you'll find all the original documents and the recording cylinders."

"Y/N, if this is all true, you're not safe in that manor." His tone was laced with more than understandable concern. "Neither of you are."

"That's why I need you to get those documents to Scotland Yard as soon as you can and come to Allerdale Hall to arrest Lucille," you told him, your own fears starting to creep into your words as they stumbled out of your mouth. "She's already getting stir-crazy waiting for an inheritance to come to me that doesn't even exist. We've only barely managed to convince her that there's a windfall coming my way, but it won't be long until she grows impatient enough to kill me anyway and start fresh. Jeffries, we can't let her harm another woman for the sake of satiating her bottomless pit of hunger for money and status."

Now the detective clutched the documents tightly in his grasp, giving you a nod before flagging down a carriage. "We should have a squad there tomorrow. Until then you two stay safe. Perhaps try and spend the night elsewhere, just to make sure." He reached out to you, both of you grasping the other's forearm in a show of trust and respect. "Thank you, Y/L/N--I mean, Sharpe. You're about to bring closure to a whole lot of distraught families with this."

You only nodded, fear for your own safety creating a lump in your throat you found near impossible to swallow. "Let's focus on putting Lucille behind bars before we focus on what comes after. Thank you, Jeffries." You closed the door to the carriage and tapped on the wooden panel twice. "To Scotland Yard!" you called out to the coachman, who tipped his hat to you before the carriage began to move.

As you made your way back into the post office, you tried to force a wide smile onto your face, stomping down any fears you had for what awaited you once you made your way back to Allerdale Hall. And any anticipation you had for the heartache that would accompany your inevitable divorce.

Once you were within arm's reach, Thomas reached for your hand, pulling you towards him and wrapping his free arm around your waist before softly kissing your lips. "There you are, sweetheart." He quickly noticed the absence of the envelope from your hands. "It's done?"

You gave him a tight-lipped smile. "It's done," you confirmed. "We really did it."

The entire time that Thomas inspected the coil springs and other machine parts that were delivered for him, he kept his arm around your waist, his hand over yours and lacing your fingers together. His face was a mix of emotions, the plainest to see being relief, no doubt from the realization steadily creeping in that in a few short days he truly would be free from all of this.

There was a disquiet in his eyes, too. One that he tried so hard to mask, but you'd gotten to know him well enough ever since your courtship that no smile, no matter how bright or breathtaking, could ever mask it from you. And you knew exactly where his concern lied. It wouldn't take long for Scotland Yard to conclude that even though he had not been the one administering the potion, or the one holding the cleaver, he still bore a great amount of responsibility for the deaths of all his former wives.

Thomas would be seen as an accomplice to his sister's crimes; perhaps a case could even be argued for third-degree murder because of his administering of the cyanide. Sure the documents would reveal Lucille to be the mastermind, but they would also reveal that in some of those cases that had gone cold, Thomas was partly the executioner.

You flinched in his hold when the sound of the post office's main doors slamming shut hit your ears, all of you inside turning your heads toward the man holding the handles, a frantic look in his eyes. "The storm's gotten too strong," he huffed out, slumping to the ground. "No carriages in or out of the area, if the lot of us value our safety."

Your husband let out a sigh of relief, holding you closer against him before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Perhaps when we arrive at the manor tomorrow we need not even face her," he whispered into your hair.

"Yes, and while that is a marvelous turn of events, husband, we are faced with one…tiny problem." He tilted his head at you slightly, prompting you to continue. "We're still stuck here, and the nearest inn to rent a room is a good walk away. In this storm we'd likely freeze before we even reached the front door."

"Ah, yes…that," he murmured, brows knitted together as he tried to look around the post office for a possible place to pass the time.

"Erm…we might have something that could house yous," one of the workers spoke up, jerking his head towards the back of the office, signaling for you to follow him. "We 'ave a little suite here set up for whenever the owner comes by and wants to spend a few days in the city. Sure he won't mind if you use it for tonight."

He opened the doors to reveal a quaint bedroom that felt a far cry from the echoes of faded opulence that your room in Allerdale Hall held, and yet still emanated the feel of a warm embrace that home was supposed to feel like. When you looked upon Thomas, you could see from his expression that he likely held a similar sentiment.

"This will do more than fine," he stated, holding out his hand to the worker to shake. "Thank you."

"So now that your grievous time with Lucille is finally coming to a close, what are your plans for…well, the rest of your life? Your freedom?" you asked Thomas through the divider in the room, trying to keep your tone casual as you changed into your underdress, preparing for sleep.

He answered you with a sharp huff. "In truth, darling, I haven't even begun to think about it yet. I feel as if I am not completely in the clear yet. Best to focus my attention on that first before thinking about what I wish for my freedom to look like."

You took out the final pin in your hair, setting it down on the little table by the window, next to your blades, before stepping out from behind the divider, your husband immediately catching sight of the furrowed brows and the grimace on your face. "I'm sure Scotland Yard will have a degree of leniency, considering that Lucille's arrest will lead to the closing of multiple cold cases on their board."

"That was entirely your work, Y/N. Your work in making the arrest possible is all that they will see--"

"And I wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of it if I didn't have help," you cut  him off, making your way over to him and placing your hands on his shoulders, giving him a slight shake. "Not just from the spirits in that house, but from you. If I didn't have you in my corner, I would've been caught that first night. I know that I owe you a great debt for what you--"

The rest of your words died in a muffled squeak as he pulled you to him, the jerking motion causing you to straddle him on the bed as he captured your lips in a sudden kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his lips moving against yours, his hands roaming your body freely until they buried  themselves in your hair.

He groaned against you, the sound melting into the sweetest sounding whimper when you crossed your hands behind his neck, pulling him closer. This would be the last night that you could call him your husband; perhaps you could allow yourself a sliver of indulgence. When he broke the kiss, he wrapped his arm securely around your waist before flipping you onto the bed, your back hitting the mattress with a soft thud.

"My beautiful, brilliant wife," he rasped, the gravelly tone of his voice sending thrills up your spine. He proceeded to kiss along your neck, softly sucking at the base of your throat while he undid the tie at the top of your underdress. A mix between a gasp and a moan escaped you when he hooked your leg around his waist, pressing your hips together.

"Thomas what are you doing?" you asked him dumbly, breathlessly. "We don't need to do this tonight. Or ever again--"

"I want to," he mumbled, pressing a kiss above your heart. "I wish to lay with you, Y/N Sharpe." He kissed his way back up to your lips, looking at you with those pleading pup-like eyes that made him near impossible to resist. That whittled your resolve down to nearly nothing. "Please…"

You were finding it increasingly difficult to deny him, especially with how he was pressed against you, and you could feel his erection even through the layers of his trousers and what sheer clothing you had on yourself. And considering how you'd come to feel about him in the weeks past, how alarmingly quickly you recovered from the shock of his true predicament and the actual circumstances of your marriage, and you still found yourself falling so recklessly in love with him, most parts of you wanted nothing more than to say yes to him.

But then there was the borderline unwelcome party in your internal argument. The logical voice in your head that rationalized his actions as an overwhelming gratitude mistaken for desire. That you had done so much to get him out of the diabolical inescapable captivity that Lucille manipulated him into, and he couldn't articulate his gratitude to the point that in his mind, he saw it as an urge to lay with you.

"Thomas…" you said his name slowly, trying so hard to keep your head level and work against your more primal urge to just shout your assent. Taking deep breaths wasn't any help; it just pressed your bodies closer together, the slightest shift in his hips threatening to drive you mad. "Think about this for a moment…Wouldn't you rather wait until you could lay with someone that you love?"

There was a split second where a pained look crossed his face, before he leaned back down to softly capture your lips, moaning into the kiss when you threaded your fingers through his curls. "I wish to at least do something for you." He kissed you again before presenting you with another all too tempting offer. "If we cannot lay together, then at least let me pleasure you."

He kissed a trail along your jaw, his breath warming your skin before he traced the shell of your ear with his tongue. His next words had you letting out a whimper of his name, your desire for him that had been simmering for weeks now starting to boil over.

"I've been reading through the books in the manor's library, and all I wish to do is show you what I've learned. To explore these avenues of pleasuring with you. My wife. Please. Let me at least do that."

Another whimper escaped you, the only sound you could manage to make as you finally relented and nodded your head. There was a glimmer of excitement in his eyes as he scanned your face, eyes never leaving yours as his hand made its way under your dress and up between your legs. Your mouth fell open in a silent moan once his fingers made contact with your slick arousal, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a half-smile.

He breathed your name, carefully studying every detail of your face as he traced up along the length of your slit, his mouth breaking out into a devilish grin when you arched your back off the bed, screaming for him when he touched the hardened bundle of nerves above your entrance. "Exquisite," he rasped, repeating the motion and causing you to let out a sharp moan. You could only manage a whimper when he started to kiss along your collarbone while those sinful fingers kept on stroking you, dipping into your warmth before making their way back to your clit.

Before long you felt a tension at your lower stomach, begging to be released. Whenever you'd reached this point in your solitude, back in the city, from your own touch, you would close your legs. The sensation was too great and you would stop yourself. Catch your breath. Having your husband situated between your legs made it impossible to close them now, his fingers still diligently stroking you. "Thomas p-please," you squeaked, struggling to breathe. "'S too m-much for me."

"Not enough," he muttered against your skin, stroking at you faster as he kissed at your collarbone. "Let go, darling. I've got you." He pressed an open mouthed kiss to your neck, flicking his tongue against the spot and letting out a whimper that sent you over the edge, your walls fluttering and clenching around nothing as he continued to stroke at your clit.

Thomas proceeded to kiss down your chest while you tried to catch your breath, pulling back his fingers from you to firmly hold on to your hips, pinning you to the bed as his lips descended further down. You uttered his name in a breathless question, your heart beating even faster when his hands moved to hike your underdress up your legs and place your thighs on his shoulders.

"I'm not done yet," he said with a whimper, kissing his way up your inner thigh and looking up to meet your eyes, his pupils blown out so wide his eyes were near black. Shining with a sincerity that stole what air remained from your lungs. "I wish to taste you."

"Thomas what are you--Oh!" You arched your back off the bed once more, letting out an obscene moan as he licked up your entrance and closed his mouth around the oversensitized nub above it. The sight of his onyx curls subtly moving with every bob of his head, his hands grasping your thighs to keep you in place, immediately burned itself into your memory.

You would remember every devastatingly pleasurable moment of tonight for as long as you'd live. Remember him.

It wasn't long before he brought you to the brink of orgasm again, mercilessly flicking his tongue against you until you came undone, your husband making you ride his tongue while you came down from your high. Soft groans slipped from his mouth while he licked away at your release, kissing along your inner thighs again when he brought the fabric of your underdress over your legs again.

There were no words left in your mind except one somber truth. "You're going to make a fortunate woman very happy in the future, Mister Sharpe."

Thomas couldn't sleep that night, holding your sleeping form in his arms as he absently stroked at your hair. His life felt like a stick of dynamite that could set off and crumble around him at any moment now; while he allowed himself to feel a touch of relief that soon he would finally be free from Lucille and her wretched ways, that freedom came at a heart-wrenching price.

You.

Your words before you went slack in his hold haunted him, ringing constantly in his mind now like an eerie church choir. You're going to make a fortunate woman very happy in the future, Mister Sharpe.

His day ended the same way it began, watching your peaceful features as your head rested on his chest. With him speaking words he hoped would somehow reach you in your dreams. "I want to make you happy, Y/N." He didn't bother fighting back the tears that welled in his eyes as the thought slammed into him that this may very well be the last night he had with you.

And then you would disappear from his life. You'll be free from me, too.

"I don't want to be free of you," he whispered through the suppressed sobs. "I wish to be free with you. I love you, Y/N Sharpe." He pressed his lips to your forehead, a tear rolling down his cheek as he did so. "Please don't leave me."

A/N: In today's episode of "YN is stronger than all of us" 🥴 I know that this is super slow going but I promise there are plans to guide me through writing the rest of the series and I'll get to finishing it 🫡

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @herdetectivetheorist

[denaliwrites]

f i c m a s t e r l i s t

p o l i c i e s (please read before making requests!)

b a d s a m a r i t a n The Best of You, Honey, Belongs to Me Blackthorn Cover Myself in the Ashes of You Dumb Ways To Die Enough of You to Dull the Pain (18+) Hellbent Looking For A Godsend Hit Me With Your Best Shot I Got This Feeling On A Summer Day (18+) I'm Gooey in the Middle Baby Let Me Bake In His Eyes A Flaming Glow Intrigued and Afraid Keep You Like An Oath (18+) Killing Me Softly My Baby Shot Me Down (18+) Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy (18+) Only Touch That Gets Me Melting (18+) Run Rabbit Run (18+) Say My Name Send a Thousand Kings Away Shia Surprise Something Good to Celebrate Stop, Look and Listen, It's Halloween! Taste of a Poison Paradise Trust in Me, Just in Me With Your Scars and Your Lonely Heart Your Body's a Secret Girl and You're About to Spill It (18+)

t h e b o y s Watch That Butcher Burn

b r o a d c h u r c h Always Leave Me With a Hungry Heart Am I Doing This Right? An Art to Life's Distractions Beating Like A Kick Drum Girls Like Girls Like Boys Do It's Been a Long, Long Time Love's Perfect Ache Now and Again We Try to Just Stay Alive Regale You With A Gourd-geous Tale Say You'll Remember Me Say You'll Remember Me (Denali's Version) Tell Me It's A Nightmare What My Heart Was Worth

d o c t o r w h o Cuddle, Meet Puddle Cute Things Don't Blink (Part 1) Don't Turn Your Back (Part 2) Don't Look Away (Part 3) Dreams See Us Through (Part 4) Hate the Feeling of Falling Have a Holly Jolly Christmas Horrible Things Isn't That Wizard It's How I'm Made Let Me Come Home Little Creepy House Love Letters On the Brave Shit The Origin of (Love Bug) Species What Beautiful Things I'll Wear When the Crypt Doors Creak You Know That I Would Jump Too

d u c k t a l e s Tales of Daring

g o o d o m e n s All I Want For Christmas Aziraphale's Favorite Author Dance on a Tightrope of Weird Free as My Hair His Love is All in Me How the Wine Plays Tricks on My Tongue Lockdown Blues Making Biscuits My Heart's a Stereo Naked in That Garden (18+) Out There Making DuckTales Pickin' Up the Pieces of the Mess You Made Road to Hell Something Meaty For The Main Course Step Too Far Tongue Tied Your Love is Holy (18+)

f a l l o f t h e h o u s e o f u s h e r Tomorrow I Shall Be Fetterless (18+)

f r i g h t n i g h t Emptiness to Melody Everybody Scream in Our Town of Halloween Fixed Up to the Nines Howl Like an Animal in the Darkness I'm So Hot I'd Fuck Myself (18+) I'm Starvin', Darlin', Let Me Put My Lips to Somethin' Late Night Devil Put Your Hands On Me (18+) Make Me Glow Night of Long Fangs (18+) Parade of Dancing Skeletons Talk So Pretty (18+) Who Are You Supposed To Be, Criss Angel? (18+)

h a u n t i n g o f b l y m a n o r ???

j u r a s s i c p a r k / w o r l d Best Behavior The Future Ex Mrs. Malcolm

p r o d i g a l s o n But Then My Stupid Phone Beeps Never Fallen From Quite This High Office Supplies Rude Boy They are the Hunters, We are the Foxes Trigger Happy With a Sense of Poise (18+)

s l o w h o r s e s Imposing Figure Inappropriate

[anakin-pilled]

𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 - anakin skywalker x fem! reader (part two)

pairing: anakin skywalker x fem! reader

wordcount: 4.7k

warnings: no use of y/n

rating: rating: 18+ (my blog is 18+ only)

author's note: thank you so much to everyone who liked and reblogged the first chapter! it meant so much to me. i cant believe i managed to push out two chapters in a week!! this chapter might seem slow, but only because im still new to writing fanfics and im trying to find the right groove of things, but please be patient as i hope to fasten the pace and tension with the new few chapters. as always, proofread but please let me know if you see any mistakes and feel free to nicely provide any criticism or suggestions (pls). i really want to keep everything as canon compliant to the star wars universe (minus the timeline, that's unspecified), but i decided to take some creative liberties for minor cultural and geographic details. i get most of my information from wookiepedia or the star wars reddit, so if you have any questions about anything, i'm happy to send any links. okay im gonna stop yapping now. taglist at the bottom! creds to saradika for the header!

You couldn’t bear another moment of dinner with Anakin. Something about him set your nerves on fire and left you completely unsettled–in a good way, a way that you’ve rarely felt before. But it was a way that you didn’t know how to deal with, and this deeply troubled you. How were you going to spend the next ten rotations with him? It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. You doubted Anakin would do anything wrong. No, you would be the one to do something wrong. Totally embarrassing yourself in front of him or unintentionally acting off-putting just because you found him too attractive.

Dammit, you were thinking like a schoolgirl with a crush. 

After retreating to your quarters, you began to pace around your room. You had to get yourself out of this situation. Avoidance was always your favorite escape plan. It made life simpler when you avoided anything that made you uncomfortable or anxious. You weren’t exactly sure how you would avoid the 6’2 hunk of a Jedi. Asking Gido to remove him was out of the question. You couldn’t have Anakin removed, especially after the Chancellor had been kind enough to request one of the Jedi’s best members. You were being immature and you knew it. It hadn’t even been a full day and this man already made you so nervous that you felt like going haywire. 

You gave yourself a small facepalm. “What am I going to do?” you whispered to yourself. You needed to put distance between you and Anakin. That way you would stay as unaffected as possible. Plus, it’s not like anything could happen between you two. Anakin was a Jedi, and you knew that the Jedi had some unorthodox rules surrounding relationships. However (a small and delusional) part of you already imagined a future between the two of you.  You already imagined your lips on his. A man that captivating only came around every few millennia. Well, that was hyperbolic of you to think. Even you, a celebrity with access to Coruscant’s rich and famous upper echelon, never came across a man like Anakin. When was the last time you even got fucked or had one good Holodrama kiss? Dating is hard when you’re a celebrity. You meet people with the wrong intentions–cocky men who care more about having you as some sort of trophy or are afraid of looking beneath you just because you’re more rich than them. Plus, aside from the shitty dating pool, you were simply too busy with your career to indulge in relationships and sex. It honestly quite was ironic considering many of your songs revolved around love. 

The more you thought, the more you felt trapped in your room. An intrusive thought popped into your head, but you quickly brushed away the thought before it got you in trouble. But then the thought appeared again, and you couldn’t help but entertain what your brain was saying.

Her presence is suffocating is the first thing Anakin thought as you left the room. As a trained Jedi, Anakin mastered the practice of shielding others' thoughts and emotions from affecting him. But you were being so loud through the Force. Anakin felt the same nervous energy he felt earlier in the day when he first met you. Except this time, he felt it ten times worse. 

Anakin knew he was being quiet during dinner. But it was hard to focus with your energy screaming in his ears! So, he focused on trying to enjoy his meal instead. You were nice, Anakin would give you that. But he felt if he talked to you, while also trying to stave off your energy from his, he would overwhelm himself. It was all too distracting–a feeling that Anakin rarely felt. 

Anakin then proceeded toward his assigned room, ready to prepare for the night. Luckily, he didn’t have to stay on guard the entire night as there was no threat direct threat to you in Coruscant. Sleep slowly became a stranger to Anakin in the past few months, so he welcomed the guest room’s luxurious, canopy bed with an unrefined flop. He lay there for a while, though he didn’t know how for long as he just stared at the window in front of him and thought. 

Anakin suddenly heard a crash! noise coming from the living room. He quickly jumped into action and ran towards the sound. What if an intruder was trying to harm you? Anakin wouldn’t let them get near you. Though he would protect you, a pang of annoyance ran through Anakin’s head. How could anyone gain access to your apartment? He went through your security details with Gido and made sure that all access points were being guarded by either a security guard or a droid. Anakin hoped this wouldn’t become another Padme situation–he wasn’t in the mood for a high-speed speeder chase tonight. Better yet, why didn’t he sense anything? Were you distracting him so much that his senses were dull? Anakin couldn’t have that happening if you were both to survive the next ten rotations together. 

As Anakin reached your living room and investigated the sound, he saw what object made the sound he heard. His eyes first laid sight on a broken flower vase. The turquoise vase was shattered into a million pieces on the floor. Anakin then looked at the figure next to the broken pottery and there you were, dressed in a dark robe, halfway to the entrance of your apartment. A look of shock, then brief fear and then embarrassment, went through your eyes when you saw Anakin standing before you with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows raised. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Anakin questioned you with a glare. His voice had a deep edge to it. He was relieved that there was no intruder, but he wondered what you were doing. If he didn’t know any better, Anakin would say that it looked like you were in the middle of trying to leave your apartment. Except, Anakin did know better so he knew that was exactly what you were trying to do. The dark robes were a telltale sign of this–it disguised your figure and the hood covered a majority of your face. 

You cleared your throat before putting on a tight-lipped smile, “Oh, I was just trying to night walk in the gardens before going to bed.”

“The gardens? I thought they were closed for renovations. That’s what Gido told me.” There was a slight smirk on Anakin’s face as he replied. He knew he had you.

“Not for me. I have special access…you know, the building manager is a fan of mine. Perks of being famous.” You felt slimy using that as an excuse, but it was better than letting the Jedi know your true intentions. 

“Really?” Anakin admired you for doubling down on your lie, but once again, he could sense your energy through the force. You were hesitant, like you weren’t fully convinced of what you were saying either. Anakin continued, “Then why are you wearing such a thick robe? The weather has been warm lately, even at night. Don’t you think that you would sweat too much?” 

You chuckled nervously before saying, “I sweat all the time.” You quickly shook your head. Kriff that’s not what I meant! you cursed in your head. “I mean I’m used to sweating during practice and performances so it does not bother me too much. I felt chilly which is why I decided to wear my robe on my walk. Please excuse me for disturbing you, General. I must have been in such a rush that I accidentally knocked over this vase. I assure you that I did not intend to raise any alarm.”

“It looks like you were sneaking out to me. Is that why you feel so tense right now? You know, we Jedi can sense emotion. I can sense that you’re not being truthful. There’s no lying to me, pop star.” Anakin replied smoothly. 

You shook your head. It looks like your plan of trying to put distance between you and Anakin wasn’t going to work after all. You should have known–how could you outsmart a Jedi? It was easy to sneak out with your regular security staff, but Anakin was different. 

“I apologize. You’re right. I wasn’t going to take a walk in the gardens. I thought I could visit the night market on level 3204, the Alderaan district. I just needed to clear my head. I didn’t tell because I didn’t think there would be an issue since I was going to keep my identity hidden.” Anakin noted how your apology sounded genuine. 

“Level 3204. Isn’t that a bit far from you? I never suspected that you would stray anywhere past the 5000th level,” said Anakin. When people on Coruscant managed to achieve enough wealth to live on the 5000th level of Coruscant, it was very rare that they ventured anywhere below. The only people that ventured below were those dealing in shady business. That’s not to say that the 3000th level was necessarily bad–he knew that the lower levels were a mixture of the classes ranging from middle-class families to criminals. Anakin had been to almost all the levels of Corscant while on Jedi business. He had seen the most impoverished slums, where crime was rampant and everyone fended for themselves. Yet, he had also seen the richest that Coruscant had to offer–elegant restaurants, opulent theaters, and people dressed in the most expensive fabrics. It always amazed Anakin how in the capital city of the Republic, one of the richest planets in the galaxy, could house such a dichotomy. 

You took offense to Anakin’s words. What did he know about you? Sure, you were wealthy and privileged, but that didn’t mean you had to confine yourself to a small circle of society. You enjoyed visiting what Coruscant had to offer–the different cultures, species, etc. It may have been unconventional for someone of your status, but your parents raised you with humility. Anything you earned in this life could be taken away from you at any moment, so you tried your best to explore and enjoy everything while you still could. 

Now you weren’t thinking about this annoyingly handsome face or soft curls. You were thinking about how he pissed you off. Just another person making assumptions about who I am. Your eyes narrowed before dignifying Anakin with a response, “And where is it that I belong? Please enlighten me. What? Do you think just because I am rich, I wouldn’t dare mingle with anyone in a lower class than me?”

“That’s not how I intended my words to come across.”

“How did you mean for your words to come across?” Anakin felt your energy shift. You were no longer hesitant or nervous. 

“What I mean is that it is unorthodox for celebrities to venture anywhere below Coruscant’s surface. It’s not exactly the most celebrity-friendly place. I would know as I’ve to the 3000th level several times before,” Anakin explained.

“Well, I’m an unorthodox person then. I’ll let you know that I enjoy the night market in the Alderaan district, it has good food and honest people. Now, you can either accompany me or stay here and make more assumptions about me. Whatever you choose, I will still be attending the night market. Feel free to tell Gido.” You turned around and continued walking toward your front door before you were stopped by Anakin. 

“Kriff. You’re not going to make this easy, huh? Fine. I’m going with you to the market because it’s my duty to protect you, but don’t try anything.”

You first discovered this night market in Coruscant’s Alderaan district only a few months into your arrival on the planet. Your fame had not skyrocketed yet, so you could easily travel between Coruscant’s levels without being chased by HoloNet reporters or crazy fans. You stumbled upon the market one night while lost on level 3204. It was a serendipitous moment for you. The night market operated every night and was primarily inhabited by Alderaanian expats, however, there were a few stalls run by species from exotic planets who sold even more exotic goods and foods. At the time you discovered it, you were feeling homesick and lonely. Your home planet of Bar’leth was nothing like Coruscant. Though Bar’leth had some metropolitan cities, it also had greenery and fauna. And the population wasn’t nearly as dense as Coruscant! You grew up in Bar’leth’s capital city, but you could still name your neighbors and there was a sense of community. Coruscant had none of these features. The night market was more than just a market, it reminded you of a tiny piece of home in the most bustling place in all of the galaxy. 

The familiar smell of grilled bantha skewers and roasted pormork flooded your senses. The area was decorated with a mixture of bright, fluorescent neon lighting and the warm, cozy light from twinkle lights from the vendor’s stalls. Light music played in the background from a live band playing in a corner somewhere. Though the market was mainly filled with adults, the occasional child and their family were seen. You and Anakin walked at a comfortable place in the middle of the road. Neither of you was talking, just observing the scene around you. You observed how people interacted with each other and made up life stories for them in your head. Anakin observed for any potential danger. 

“I’m sorry for snapping on you earlier. I hate when people make assumptions about who I am. It’s a sensitive spot for me. You know, with my name always in the tabloids,” it was you who decided to speak first. 

Anakin listened before responding, “Maybe I was wrong to make those assumptions about you.” He still thought it was odd that you wanted to venture so below the surface, but if there was one thing that Anakin understood, it was your disdain for assumptions. As the Chosen One, everyone made assumptions about Anakin—assumptions he should act or think. And somehow, Anakin always failed to live up to people’s assumptions of him. There were very few people in his life who accepted him the way he was. This was another point of contention in his life. 

Instead of letting this event take place in a silent awkwardness like dinner, you decided to make an effort to keep the conversation going. Anakin didn’t directly apologize, but you took his words to be a positive sign. “I know it must be a shock to you that I wanted to visit this market. And you were partially right to judge, who would suspect that I stray far from my life on the surface? The truth is, no one would expect that from me which is exactly why I do what I do. Not even Gido knows that I come down here.” 

“What makes this specific place worth sneaking out for? Aren’t there any other places you would rather be than down here?” Anakin asked this question sincerely. He was curious about you. While he was no stranger to Coruscant’s rich elite, the people he met were confined the the political sector.  He knew how politicians acted and their thought processes, but he knew nothing about the other type of elite—the celebrities, like you. 

“It reminds me of home, and the simple days I used to live before the glitz and glamour. There was a farmer’s market on Bar’leth I frequented with my family. There was local produce, lots of gourmet food, and trinkets of all kinds. I stumbled upon this market by happenstance one day and I never stopped visiting it ever since,” you explain truthfully. You loved the life you lived now and you were extremely grateful for it. But nothing could compare to your old life when you could enjoy the simple pleasures of life without any care in the world. Nowadays life barely gives you a chance to breathe since you were always working on something–whether it is new music, media appearances, or special performances. “You know, you’re actually the first person I have told about this place. You better keep it a secret, or else.” Anakin could tell you were joking by the smile on your face. He returned your joke with a small smile of his own.

You continued the conversation by asking Anakin a question of his own, “Don’t you have a special place that you like to visit when life gets too hectic?”

Anakin’s automatic response was to give you a generic answer. Before he could give you that generic answer, he changed his mind. He knew that was too guarded, but he couldn’t help himself. Anakin had been hurt too many times now–hurt by life, by his actions, and by the actions of others. Opening up was a recipe for disaster, especially when Anakin knew how passionately he felt about almost everything in his life. The only person Anakin managed to completely open up to was Padme, but even she was off-put sometimes by the level of passion and truthfulness he displayed. She never verbally admitted it, but Anakin could tell. Though you two didn’t know each other very well and have had minimal conversation so far, something about your energy invited Anakin to open up. Your energy in the force was serene. However, it wasn’t the type of serenity that Anakin felt whenever he was at the Temple. At the Temple, it was so peaceful, it was almost like it was devoid of any energy–it perfectly balanced all the energies of all the Jedi order and created a feeling of equilibrium. Your energy was serene in a way that reminded Anakin of his mother–comforting and warm. He could feel it radiating off your person. Ever since Anakin left with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, he could never sense that same energy in anyone else. Not even Padme, whose energy was more dynamic and loud. Thus, Anakin decided to be honest with his answer. 

“There is a place that I like to escape to sometimes. It is located in a secluded corner of the Jedi temple and only accessible through the garden wing. I used to go there all the time as a Youngling and then a Padawan. It has the best view of Coruscant since it faces the intersection where the old Republic Theater house and Senate offices meet. On clear days, you can watch the sunset from there.” Anakin didn’t know that the Senate offices were in that direction until a few years after he moved to Coruscant. Once he found out Padme had stepped down as queen and became Naboo’s senator, he would stare at that intersection as a way to feel closer to Padme during their years apart. Despite the breakup, the spot still comforted Anakin because it served as a reminder of how far he had come. He was no longer a lovesick fool and rambunctious Padawan, but a mature and fully-fledged Jedi Knight. Through the transitional nature of life, that spot would always be there for Anakin. 

It was your turn to nod and listen to Anakin.

“How was it like…growing up in the Temple?,” you hesitated, not wanting to overstep any boundaries with Anakin. You remember how the tone of his voice earlier when you questioned him about Tatooine. 

“Growing up in the temple was…different. When I first arrived, I didn’t realize I would be living in a religious organization. There’s a lot about the Jedi that was very different from the life I lived on Tatooine. Though I can’t complain too much, I had a permanent roof over my head and food on my plate every day. And, there was practically no sand at all. The best part,” Anakin finished. 

“I imagine it’s like one big family, no?”

Anakin sucked his teeth in response before continuing, “Since I arrived at the Temple later than the normal age, I didn’t grow up with my crèche. We had lessons together every now and then, but if there was anybody I considered like family to be in the Temple, it would be my former master Obi-Wan, and my Padawan Ashoka. She’s actually a  fan—I promised her I would try to get an autograph.” Anakin looked sheepish at the mention of the autograph.  

“Remind me before you leave. I’ll make sure to sign something. Should I sign her lightsaber?” You made sure to make a serious face while looking at Anakin. Then, you let out a giggle. “I’m only kidding about the last part. Come on, let’s get something sweet.” Your pace picked up before leading Anakin in another direction. 

You stopped by a stall owned by an older Twi’lek lady who sold homemade rishi honeystix. The honeystix quickly became your favorite item at the market because of its’ sweet flavor and crispy batter. They were similar to a childhood favorite snack of yours, except the rishi honeystix was fried, not baked. 

“Can I have two honeystix please?” you asked the owner. She nodded yes before you handed her over the credits, adding some extra for a tip. The owner quickly prepared the dessert before handing it to you and sending a warm smile to both.

“Enjoy the sweet treat! I love seeing young couples like you visit the market,” she stated with a look of adoration on her face. 

You and Anakin straightened your postures and sent a sheepish smile to the owner. 

“Oh, we’re not-” “She’s not my-” You both said at the same time. 

The owner giggled out an apology before turning her back on the both of you and preoccupied herself with preparing more food. 

Her comment affected you more than you would have liked to admit. You couldn’t say you wished you were dating Anakin, you hard knew him after all. But the idea of someone mistaking you to be in a relationship with someone as attractive as Anakin made you feel a funny feeling. You felt a moment of giddy before telling yourself to calm down. 

You led Anakin toward an old fountain that sat in the middle of the market. “Ever tried these before? They’re the best! I don’t come here too often anymore, but whenever I do, I make an effort to buy these.” You then handed Anakin his dessert. 

“I don’t think I have had these before. The Jedi diet consists of the Temple’s cantina food and whatever rations we have for off-world assignments. Though I try to explore new foods when I have the chance,” Anakin stated. He picked up the dessert and observed it. Anakin didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he was intrigued by its flavor. A sweet aroma wafted off the dessert and even Anakin felt tempted to try it. 

You were looking toward the distance as Anakin inspected the dessert. You were about to take a bit of your honeystix when you made eye contact with a small figure in the distance. As your eyes focused on the figure, you realized you were looking at a young Rodian child. Their gaze shifted from your eyes to the dessert in hand. Despite the Alderaanian district being one of the more wealthy districts in the lower levels, many families still lived in borderline poverty. You smiled at the child in reassurance before getting up from the fountain and slowly making your way towards them.

Anakin looked up at the sound of your figure getting up and was about to ask you where you were going before he saw you walk to a child and kneel before them. He couldn’t hear what you were saying, but he saw you hand over your honeystix to the child. You hugged the child goodbye, but not before handing them a few extra credits. The child’s purple eyes widened and a bright smile appeared on their face. They gave you another hug before retreating to wherever they came from. 

You got back up from the ground and walked back toward the fountain without saying anything to Anakin. You continued like nothing happened and asked Anakin, “Did you enjoy it?”

He ignored your question. “What was that about?” He was referring to the instance in which you gave away your dessert to a child. 

“I saw the little one looking at my food, so I decided to go over there and offer it to them. I could tell she was hungry. It’s alright, I can always buy myself another.”

Anakin always believed that you could tell a lot about a society or individuals based on the way they treated children. He hated Tatooine and regarded it as one of the lowest civilized planets in the entire galaxy–for many reasons, of course, but the primary reason is that those on Tatooine had no issue trafficking children into slavery and treating them as chattel. He wished that more people displayed kindness toward him as a child. Anakin’s only crime was being born into the world, but aside from that, he was innocent and deserved to be treated with dignity and humanity. You were kind. It seemed like a bare minimum requirement to be astonished at, but with the type of people Anakin has had the displeasure of meeting, kindness was a trait he rarely witnessed outside of the Temple walls. 

You stared at Anakin as if you were waiting for him to say something, but he simply observed your face without saying anything. A timid look washed over your face before you turned your head to the side and blew a piece of hair out of your face. 

“Well, I think it’s time we head back.” 

Being with Anakin was different than you expected. At first, you were overwhelmed by his presence–caught off guard by the fact he looked like a literal god from one of those classical paintings located in one of Corucant’s largest art galleries. You’ve always had a soft spot for pretty boys. Plus, you also had a penchant for romanticizing almost every interaction and person in your life. Not always in the romantic sense though. From brief strangers to friends, you tried to put a positive spin on everyone you encountered. There was no way of telling if fate was real, but you liked to believe so. Anakin was no exception to these rules. 

You were so close to successfully sneaking out of your apartment, without being detected, until you accidentally bumped into that stupid vase. Anakin came running out while you scrambled to make it look like you hadn’t been caught in the middle of doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing. You knew that if Anakin found out that you were leaving the building, he would either force you to say or contact your manager. So, you lied and tried to convince him you weren’t sneaking out. Of course, he saw through you and you gave up without a fight, until he made that stupid comment. Lying was never your strong suit anyway and it wasn’t worth the hassle anyway. So, Anakin joined you on your night adventure. 

Though you were initially anxious, once to got to the market, you felt your head clear. This was your comfort place, and it soothed your racing heart and clouded mind. Once you were past that anxiousness, you found that Anakin had a calming presence, once you got over your initial nerves. Anakin was observational, though it was expected of him to be so. However, it felt like he was really listening to you and clinging to what you said. He looked pensive as you described why you liked the night market so much. You wanted to make conversation with him, you didn’t feel forced to. Maybe it was the nature of the predicament you were both and the fact that he would be your bodyguard for the next week and a half, but you felt drawn to him. You wanted to know more about who the “Hero with No Fear.” You feared that if you got to know him anymore, then you might fall for him.  Except, you had to stop yourself before it went any deeper than that. Once again, you reminded yourself that Anakin was a Jedi. Off-limits. So, as you settled into bed, you promised that you would actually keep your distance. There was no use in getting attached to him. The Jedi belonged to no one. 

taglist: @angie2274 @bunnylovesani @0709fullofstars @js-favnanadoongi @payton-dixonreader it wasn't letting me tag u ):

[maybege]

Paz with no. 56 please 😵‍💫🥵 you’re amazing!! Thank you!!

Guess who is back, babes! After starting 2023 off with the trip of my dreams, I am finally back home and so so so excited to post this smut prompt. Thank you so much for sending in a prompt! I know it has been taking me a long time but I am honestly s proud of this one, even if it kind of got out of hand but it was a lot of fun to write and I hope you enjoy reading it. As always, let me know what you thought in a comment or reblog!

Annual Chances

Summary: Paz chooses you at the yearly festivities.

Pairing: Paz Vizsla x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 5.3k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: explicit sexual content, consensual aphrodisiac, dom!Paz, sub!Reader, breeding  kink, a whole lot of size kink, verbal degradation, creampie(s), implied cockwarming

Prompts: #56 “I’d like to breed you.”

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

“Get up, sleepyhead, the invitations are in!”

You sat up, startled from your sleep and still half away in your dreams. There, the sun was shining on your bare skin, warming you from the inside out as you watched Paz play with your children, their laughter echoing through your head even as you saw your friend. Even as the reality you wished for dissolved all around you.

“Chants, what the fuck?” you hissed, unhappy to be pulled from your dreams so early and so roughly.

But your friend did not care, he simply skipped through the doorway, settling down at your side as he thrust a piece of paper in your face. By the looks of him, he had probably been awake for hours already, his job in the healing wings demanding a rather flexible sleep and work schedule.

“The invitations are in!” he repeated, a wide smile on his face, “This is your chance to finally snag that warrior of yours.”

You sat up, trying to ignore how your heart sped up from the mere thought of him. “I won’t be snagging anyone,” you corrected groggily, fishing the piece of paper from his hand, “Besides who knows if I have time to attend ...”

“Oh no, we will not have that discussion at all,” Chants protested quickly, throwing himself you’re your mattress and just barely missing your shin, “You were moping for weeks when you missed your chance at last year’s feast and I am frankly too busy having fun to anticipate having to nurse you back to happiness.”

“I wasn’t moping,” you protested with a pout, “I was just … thinking.”

“About how much happier you would be if a certain warrior carried you off into the sunset, I know,” Chants replied easily and you chose not to discuss it anymore. Perhaps he was right … Who were you kidding, of course, he was right.

You had had a crush on Paz Vizsla from afar for a long time. As soon as your clans had joined together and he had arrived with the first warriors, you had had only eyes for him. And how could you not? He was a fine specimen of a man, tall, and broad, with a deep voice that send shivers down your spine and a laugh that made you wish for a future when you could see his face.

But, alas, your shyness and his high status in the covert did not work well together. You hardly got to see him alone, and sometimes, weeks passed when you didn’t cross paths no matter how much you wished for it. And even if you managed to see him, to be in the same room as him, you were too nervous to speak.

More than once, Chants had suggested that you use the annual matchmaking feast to shoot your shot. Every person of age was invited to the party and it was without a doubt the event of the year. After all, Mandalorians valued their foundlings above everything and any excuse to celebrate what was most likely going to be the date of conception for some future ones was welcome. Countless couples had found together at the feasts over the years and the thought that it could be the day when you and Paz joined was … intriguing, to say the least.

Only that you had been too shy to attend for a long time and when you had finally gathered the courage to go to the party last year, Paz Vizsla had not been there. At the time, you were convinced that he had already chosen someone as his mate and, much to Chants’ dismay, had vowed never to attend again.

But it seemed your friend would not take a no for an answer this year.

*

“I hate this,” you muttered under your breath, trying your best to ignore your racing heart. Was it possible to throw up from nervousness? Because you were sure you could feel your stomach doing somersaults in the confines of your body.

“No, you don’t,” Chants replied easily, taking a sip of his sparkling drink, “At least the food is great.”

“I could have great food at home.”

“Yeah but not with a view like that.”

Your eyes followed his and landed on a group of broad-shouldered warriors that talked with each other by the bar. Which was ironic considering they all had their helmets on.

That was why, as soon as you had entered the packed hall with Chants on your heels, you had fled to the buffet table. The chances were considerably low and it allowed you to at least try and calm the fuck down.

In the meantime, Chants was happy because your position by the buffet granted him the perfect view of what the covert had to offer.

You tugged at your dress, feeling constricted in the ridiculous gown your friend had talked you into.

“Don’t do this,” he said.

“Don’t do what?” you asked grumpily,

“Don’t self-sabotage,” he said calmly, “You are so scared of Vizsla rejecting you that you don’t even put yourself out there and –“

Your heart clenched, his pointed words finding their target. He knew you too well, or maybe just well enough because you had to admit he was right.

“And what?” you asked, shoulders slumping as you searched the buffet for something to catch your eyes.

“That’s Paz Vizsla coming our way,” Chants murmured, his elbow digging into your middle, “I think he’s coming to us.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you mumbled, fishing another appetizer from the buffet, “Paz Vizsla would never come to us. He’s way too –“

“Way too what?”

You froze, slowly turning around and looking at the warrior before you.

Paz Vizsla was a huge man, imposing and intimidating even when he tried not to be and with a reputation that followed him from the battlefield to every place he went. It was rumoured that he had never lost a fight before and now that you saw him up close, taking in the sheer size of him, you had no trouble believing it.

“Way too, uh, busy?” you grimaced at how weak your voice sounded.

“Of the two of us, I’d say you’re the busy one,” he replied with a tilt of his helmet, “this is the first year you’re attending the festivities.”

“That’s not true,” you frowned, “I attended last year as well.”

The man in front of you hummed, as if in thought, and you took the opportunity to just … look at him.

Your eyes slid over his broad shoulders to his thick arms and large hands and you found yourself wishing to know what it was like to feel them on your body. Or in your body. Preferably both.

“I’m afraid I was not there for long last year. That would explain it,” he finally said, still looking at you. You wondered if he noticed your stares because he straightened up a little, clenching his fists and relaxing them and the veins stood out. Stars, how could one man be so attractive?

“You know what, I think someone’s calling me,” Chants suddenly said and you were embarrassed to find that you had completely forgotten he was right next to you. What kind of crush was this?

“Of course,” Paz said and you both watched your friend leave in silence, immediately swallowed up by groups of people.

The realization that you were both alone now came suddenly and unexpectedly and you felt your heart skip one or two beats. Because what were you supposed to say now? Here was the man you had been pining after for so long, here was your chance to say something, to impress him, to make him fall in love with you.

“Hello,” you managed to bring out, hoping that your smile wasn’t as wavering as your courage.

He chuckled, low and rumbly and you swore you felt it in your chest. “Hello, little one,” he greeted you, grabbing a small berry in his large fingers. You watched him bring it up and under his helmet, and your imagination ran wild.

Stars, what might it be like to kiss him?

“I, uh, I thought you found someone last year already,” you continued nervously, fiddling with your hands in front of your middle, “Did – did you find someone?”

He shook his head, “It was more about whom I didn’t find.”

“That sounds like you have someone specific in mind.”

“I do.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised at how close he suddenly was. You imagined being able to hear his real voice behind the helmet, “Wh-Who?”

“There are a lot of flattering things I could say now,” he stated, his voice not wavering for a second, “But to make a long proposal very short: I’d like to breed you.“

You thought you were dreaming. You were convinced you were dreaming.

“Me?”

“Yes,” he stepped closer, his hand reaching yours and you were hyperaware of how gentle his rough fingertips were against your skin, “you.”

“And if you were amenable,” he continued quietly, his fingers brushing over your knuckles, “I’d be also interested in courting you.”

You felt faint.

“Courting … me?”

He stiffened, shifting away from you and you immediately yearned for the return of his touch. “Only with your consent, of course,” he spoke, “Please forgive me, if I spoke out of turn, I thought perhaps – I thought you –“

“No, don’t get me wrong I’m,” you hurried to say, “I’m – this means a lot – but, uh, did you take a look around? There are so many wonderful people that you could be interested in and I am just … me … Why me?”

Your hand landed on his and you both froze, looking at where you were touching him. His skin burned against yours and you could feel his racing pulse underneath your fingertips.

“Because I don’t think of any of them when I make myself come at night,” he revealed with a growl and you swore your pussy pulsed at his words, “and I don’t think of any of them when I think about whom I want to raise my children with. I want you, mesh’la, very much so. Do you want me too?”

You could hardly believe your ears. Somewhere deep inside you, doubt was still hammering at your chest in worry. What if you had somehow misunderstood him? What if he realized what a mistake he made when you thought yourself safe?

But just as the worries seemed to creep up on you yet again, you caught yourself, just in time. You deserved happiness. You deserved love. And you deserved these things with the man who stood in front of you, who had told you how he felt for you. Who wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Stars yes,” you breathed.

“What’s that?” he asked, his voice deeper than before, “I couldn’t hear you, little one.”

You nodded quickly, “I – I’ve wanted you for so long, Paz, I didn’t – I never, I never thought you’d think the same.”

“Well then,” he said, his helmet so close you could feel the cold of the beskar radiating onto your skin, “What would you say we go and make this semi-official, mesh’la?”

You grinned. This was a dream come true. Who would have thought that of all people Paz Vizsla, the one you had a crush on would return your feelings? His hand wrapped around your, completely enveloping your wrist and fingers as he tugged you through the crowd. You had always admired how people seemed to just make way for him wherever he went with an unconscious admiration and respect that he had earned. Now, following him as they parted for the both of you was thrilling.

The armourer sat at the end of the room, shadowed by her council as they oversaw the festivities.

“You want to leave us already?” she asked, tilting her golden helmet in acknowledgement.

You felt heady, clutching Paz’s hand like a lifeline. It was all so real now.

“I hope you will excuse us,” Paz said, “we found each other and I don’t want to waste any more time.”

“Stars know you wasted enough time pining after her,” Djarin commented from his place on the dais and that caught your attention.

Paz? Pining? After you??

The big man shifted next to you, seeming a little shy and you smiled. This was definitely something you would ask him about.

The armourer inclined her head and, from someplace you did not see, a goblet was brought to you. You knew the look of them well, the drink in it was given to every couple that found each other at the festivities. It was some sort of concoction that was rumoured to be especially potent for … you felt heat rise in your cheeks.

Paz lifted his helmet, just enough to take a sip and it felt forbidden to see the sliver of skin, to see how his hand dwarfed the precious metal. Soon, you would feel those hands on you, soon you could feel his skin against yours.

You were so enraptured by the sight of him, it took you a few moments to realize that he was holding out the goblet to you. “Would you like a drink, my love?” he asked you, his voice low and rumbly.

You nodded wordlessly, taking it from him. It tasted sweeter than you imagined, the liquid like honey on your tongue and causing a comfortable warmth in your belly. Almost immediately, Paz’s hand found yours and he dragged you away.

Everything was a blur. You did not see the people you passed, you did not take in the hallways you walked through. Paz was in a hurry and your laughter turned silent when you felt your need for him burn your veins. Was this the effect of the drink?

The hallways were completely abandoned and as Paz passed through the residential quarters, you found yourself curious about where exactly he was leading you.

You got your answer not a minute later.

“These are my rooms,” he announced as he punched the code into the keypad. The door swished open, revealing quarters that looked much warmer than you had expected. There was a giant bed with lots of blankets and pillows and the floor was covered in soft rugs. You could see his workstation completely overladen with files and plans and smiled when you spotted the invitation to the festivities at the very top of the pile.

Feeling his hands on your hips, you turned around with a smile, letting his hands slowly wander over you. His metal forehand touched yours and you took a deep breath in, relishing in the way your entire body seemed to warm at his touch.

“You have no idea how long I waited for this moment,” he whispered, his fingers slipping under the hem of your dress and slowly lifting it up. The feeling of his rough fingertips on the soft skin of your thighs chased goosebumps all over your body and you could feel a pang in your core.

“I never dared to dream,” he said, “that you could want me the way I want you.”

“I want you, Paz,” you whispered, your hands shaking with anticipation as you tugged on his shoulder pauldrons, “I always wanted you. Ever since I first saw you I knew it … if it would be anyone it would be you.”

“Good. Because for me it has always been you,” he hummed, sounding happier than you had ever heard him. He took a step forward and you gasped when you could feel his entire body press against yours, “Will you let me show you just how much I want you?”

You nodded, unable to find the words between sheer excitement and the needy pulsing between your legs.

In one quick movement, Paz had freed you of your dress and you hurried to step out of your underwear as Paz’s hands worked on the various buckles and clips on his armour. It was a flurry of movements, quickened by your desire for each other and suddenly you were both standing there, completely naked save for Paz’s helmet. But that was not what you were focussing on now.

“You’re – you’re really big,” you mumbled, taking in his girth. Stars you knew he was a big man but how was that supposed to fit inside you?

Paz chuckled, holding out his hand for yours and you followed his movements. You were both quiet as he guided your hand to his hard cock. “Your hand can hardly fit around me,” he marvelled, his breath hitching as his hand closed above yours. He started to move your palm with his and you watched enraptured as a few drops of precome started to bead at the tip.

Your walls fluttered around nothing at the thought of feeling him inside you and you shifted, swallowing nervously. Your chest brushed against his, your nipples hardening and out of reflex more than anything else did you tilt your head up towards him.

“I cannot show my face,” he said, clearly displeased with the rules, “Not now. Not yet.”

“But I’d like to kiss you,” you pouted, as you continued to stroke him, “I’d like to feel you.”

He hummed, taking a reluctant step back and you wanted to follow him before you saw where his hand went. Before you could say anything, the room fell into complete darkness and you stilled, trying to calm your heartbeat so you could hear what he was doing.

The sound of his intake of breath was unmistakable and you heard a thud, metal on wood, when you realized that he had taken off his helmet. You smiled. Of course. If you could not see him, he could take off his helmet and you could kiss him.

In complete and utter darkness, you reached out your hand only to find the warm skin of his chest. You smiled when his hand came up to hold you against him and moments later his entire body pressed against yours again. You could feel his reaction against your belly and his breath on your face and it was a miracle your brain hadn’t short-circuited yet.

Your noses brushed against each other and you smiled just before you could feel his lips against yours. Paz’s lips were dry and a little chapped but you swore you had never felt anything as heavenly. The kiss started out soft and careful as you got used to each other. But having him so close, the effects of the drink making you all dizzy, you couldn’t keep yourself from wanting to explore him.

You sighed against him and Paz used that to move against you, his tongue bushing over your bottom lip as his hand cupped the back of your neck, pulling you closer. He tasted sweet, just like the drink, and when his teeth closed on your bottom lip, you swore you were this close to coming just from having him close.

Lips moving against each other’s, you let him push you towards his bed, the mattress hitting the back of your knees. You squeaked, falling into the softness and scooted back until you could feel the pillows. Paz followed you, his body heat never leaving yours and when you arched your back, your chest accidentally brushing against his stubbled chin, he closed his lips around your nipple.

All breath escaped you as pleasure burnt through your veins. You just wanted him to touch you, to –

“Ready?” Paz asked you, kissing the spot between your tits. His hands slid up to the inside of your thighs and you were sure you had never been as wet as this moment. You nodded before you you remembered he couldn’t see you.

“Yes,” you whispered, hands finding his shoulders and you held onto him, “I’m ready.”

Paz made a noise at the back of his throat and you could feel him shuffling closer, his fingers rubbing over your folds and you gasped when they circled your clit. You were sure the mattress was already drenched with your juices and you inhaled sharply when you felt the head of his cock carefully part your folds.

He pushed inside you slowly and you gasped. “Stars,” you murmured, resisting the initial desire of your body to move away from him as your hands tightened on his shoulders. His head was not even completely inside you and your walls already felt like they were stretching too far. “You’re huge!”

“Not too huge, I hope?” he chuckled, pulling out carefully and leaving you feeling ridiculously empty. You could feel him pulsing against your folds, drops of precome mixing with your wetness.

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tried to find words. “I – Paz, what if you don’t fit?”

“Afraid your pussy is too small for my cock, mesh’la?” he teased you and you felt heat fill your cheeks at his words, the desire thrumming through you again.

At your lack of an answer, you felt him relax, his legs spreading beneath yours as his thumbs brushed over your sides. “Don’t worry,” he murmured, sweetly kissing your cheek, “I will make it fit.”

He pushed your legs up, his hands large on the soft flesh of your thighs as he pressed them to your chest. “Is that comfortable?”

His hips pushed forward a little and his shaft slid over your wetness. Something snapped in you.  “Stars, just fuck me already,” you panted, trying to lift your hips closer to him which resulted in your claves landing on his shoulders for leverage.

He laughed then, a deep belly laugh, that made your cheeks hot and your pussy clench. “Paz ...!”

“I am sorry, sweetheart,” he chuckled, his lips brushing over your calf and you felt him shift between your legs, “I will make amends.”

And amends he made when his shaft parted your walls again, slowly but surely, pushing the breath out of your lungs. You were prepared now, for the inevitable feeling of being split apart and you took a deep breath, your blood singing with relief at having him inside you.

Paz groaned above you, his hips starting to build up a fast rhythm that had your hands bunching the sheets. You had never felt so full.

“Can’t wait to see your tits bounce,” he groaned, “to see your belly all round with my child.”

You moaned at the image, walls clamping around him. Nothing sounded better than having him

“I'm gonna fill you up,” he announced between groans, his bed shaking with how deep and strong his strokes had become, “I’m going to put a baby in you and if it doesn’t take today then it will take tomorrow or the day after or the day after …”

Lying helplessly underneath him, you couldn’t do anything but take it. Take his cock, take his words, take the kisses he gently pressed on your jaw and neck.

 “Stars, you’re tight,” he cursed, leaning forward and pressing your legs further against you. Your muscles protested and you felt the knot in your core tighten.

“’s too much,” you panted, “please – I – I am so close I –“

“Come for me,” he encouraged you, his voice raw in your ear, “Come for me and I will fill you with my come like you deserve.”

You felt hot and cold at the same time and with Paz’s cock hitting a spot inside you that made you see stars, it was the closest you would ever come to an out-of-body experience, you were sure. You cursed under your breath, any thoughts leaving your head when all you felt was incredible.

You felt incredible.

“Good girl,” Paz’s voice got you out of your mindless state and you suddenly became aware that he was still very much moving inside you, shaft rubbing along your clenching walls as he seemed to get quicker and quicker until he buried himself so deeply inside you it almost hurt. The feeling of his come filling you was like an aphrodisiac all on its own.

“Oh fuck,” you murmured, your legs still shaking on his shoulders as he slowly pulled out, “That was –“

“Was?” Paz chuckled darkly as he rolled next to you, “I haven’t even started yet, sweetheart.”

You gaped at him, even if he couldn’t see it, “What?”

“What do you think they give us this drink for?” he asked, clearly amused.

“I – I don’t know,” you stuttered, your heart slowly reaching its normal rhythm again, “Heightened fertility?”

Paz hummed, his warm hand finding yours and squeezing, “That, too. But also for better … endurance.”

“Oh stars,” you groaned, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Both of you laughed at that and the happiness you felt threatened to burst out of your chest. The bed moved with Paz as he sat up, you could feel his arm brush against your shoulder and soon, his hand tugged on yours.

You followed his wordless instructions, trying your best to sit up. But his tugging did not cease until you understood what he meant. You raised your leg, attempting to straddle him and it was his other hand that gently held to your knee, guiding it over his lap.

It was impressive how in the darkness, Paz could still find your lips, pulling you in for a kiss. You could feel his heart beat in his chest and you were sure he could feel yours too. You wiggled your hips, causing him to groan against you. Your hands found the back of his neck, your fingertips playing with the soft hairs at the nape of his neck.

“I could get used to this,” you mused, quickly kissing the corner of his mouth and giggling when his hands cupped your tits, his thumbs swiping over your nipples.

“Me too,” he smiled against you, running the tip of his nose over your jaw. You wiggled again, feeling his cock harden between you and even with the mess of your combined juices spilling down your thighs, you felt ready to go again.

“C’mon, ride my cock,” he instructed, the teasing lilt to his voice betraying the grin that was undoubtedly on his face. You could feel his hands between you as he held his cock in position and you tried your best to raise yourself up high enough to sink down on him. But your body seemed to have different plans and the newly required effort to move reminded you just how much that first orgasm had taken you out.

His come served as lube as you sank down on him, your legs too weak to hold up any pretence of control as his cock speared you again. You whimpered, barely holding yourself up on his shoulders. Paz made a soothing sound, his lips on your temple as you tried to catch your breath.

“Go on,” he whispered, his fingers gently pinching your nipples and you mewled when he pulled on them ever so slightly, the pain giving your pleasure a new edge, “Work your pussy on my cock.”

“I can’t,” you admitted feebly, rocking against him. Your legs were trembling so much still and all you could focus on was how good he felt inside you, how stuffed you were, how deep he was.

“Paz, please –“

He did not do anything at first but you could feel his knees go up behind you and suddenly he was holding you by the hips. “It’s okay,” he soothed you, his fingers brushing over your skin, “I got you.”

Unable to say anything, you just let yourself rest against his chest, putting your head on his shoulder. He smelled of the woods and engine fuel and the pure warmth of him made your chest flutter. He got you.

You whimpered, hiding your face in his neck as he started to thrust up into you, bouncing you on him as if you weighed nothing.

“You take my cock so well,” he praised you, “What a pretty little breeding toy you are for me, sweetheart, how pretty you sound with my cock stuffed in that tight pussy.”

He had you bounce so strongly, the sound of skin slapping against skin couldn’t be overheard, and yet all you could hear was his panting breath in your ear, the quiet groans, the little praises. They made you clench even tighter around him and you tightened your hold on him.

Needing him more and more, you attempted to move your hips against his, trying to get your own rhythm going to get hom to move deeper. Stars, you needed him deeper.

“Oh, you’re much too weak for that, my love,” Paz teased you, his fingers tightened on the soft flesh of your ass before one hand came down in a slap, “Let me fuck you like you need, you can be as cockdumb as you want.”

You smiled, letting him take control again, and kissed the little spot behind his ear. There was a strange sense of happiness you hadn’t anticipated, in knowing that Paz really would take care of you. He would fuck you like you needed, fill you up like you wanted, and you didn’t need to do anything.

You just needed to enjoy it.

“Are you enjoying my cock?” he asked you breathlessly, “Does it feel good to be stuffed like you need?”

“Y-yes,” you brought out, embarrassed by how thin your voice sounded, “F-feels so good, Paz.”

“Tell me you want me to breed you,” he growled, his hips surging up in a particularly hard thrust, “Tell me you want my baby.”

You whimpered, the words stuck in your throat when you felt another wave threatening to send you over the edge. It was all you could do to hold onto him.

“Tell me or I won’t let you come,” he threatened, “Don’t you want to come, sweetheart? Don’t you want to be bred?”

His words made you want to sit up but Paz’s hold was as strong as ever.

“Pl-Please come inside me,” you burst out, not caring how your voice stumbled over itself, your despair to come too big to ignore, “Please, Paz, I want your baby, I – please come inside me.”

“I am going to breed you every single day if that is what it takes,” he growled, “Every free moment I have I am going to spend like this,” his finger rubbed over your clit, making you gasp, “Stuffing that pretty cunt with my come.”

Your gasp got swallowed by his kiss as his fingers worked their magic on your clit. “Come for me again, my love, let me breed you.”

And, as if all it would take were his words, you did. You clenched around him, biting your knuckles to keep quiet as you squeezed your eyes shut and tried to ride the waves of pleasure that washed over you.

“Good girl,” Paz groaned his hips stuttering, “My good fucking girl.”

The praise made you preen. His hands held you down on him and you could feel him filling you again, the sheer amounts of come trickling around where you were joined, squelching sounds mixing with your loud breaths.

“It feels so good,” you breathed once you felt like you could think straight again, “You feel so good.”

Paz hummed, his chest heaving against yours and despite the aftershocks of your second orgasm of the night still feeling prominent, you decided that this was your favourite moment. Here, resting against him, skin to skin, heart to heart, it felt like your world was finally complete.

“I think the drink is wearing off,” you murmured finally, “At least for me.”

“For me too,” Paz confirmed, his large hand settling on your lower back, holding you to him, “Though I am not quite ready to let go.”

“Me neither,” you sighed against him, closing your eyes to listen to his heartbeat.

“Don’t worry, though,” he said, kissing your temple, “We have time.”

[izzielizzie93]

High School Sweethearts, J Burrow

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Pairing: Highschool!JoeBurrow x Y/N High School Sweetheart

Summary: Do high school relationships last?

“What the fuck is this Y/N?!” Joe was sitting on my bed, holding up the hidden acceptance letter to The Ohio State. “I, uh, an acceptance letter.” I stuttered. “Why are you hiding it?” He glared, clutching it tighter, his eyes continually scanning over the page. “I wanted time to think and I knew I wouldn’t be able to once everyone found out.”

“I just needed to be sure of what I want, this is my future and I am so sick of everyone trying to tell me what to do.”

Joe huffed and shook his head. “Were you ever considering it, or did you lie to me this whole time?” “Of course I am considering it Joey, I want to be with you; but I have always dreamed of LSU.” I swallowed hard, digging my nails into my hand to keep from crying.

“You want to be a fucking teacher, come on you don’t have to go out of state for that shit.” Joe tossed the letter aside.

“Oh, ok. So when you told me to do what made me happy and that it would all work out in the end, you were lying to me?” I shot back, anger now bubbling to the surface.

“I was hoping you’d see that Ohio is where you need to be, apparently not.” Joe mumbled, standing up abruptly and storming out of my bedroom.

—

I had come clean to my parents as soon as Joe left and they promised to support me no matter my choice.

After two weeks of heated arguments in person, via text, and FaceTime, Joe officially committed to The Ohio State and their football team and I wasn’t there.

I was at home, formally accepting the offer from LSU and becoming a Tiger.

Later that same night, Joe stopped by and I snuck out to his truck. We sat there in silence for nearly five minutes before I spoke, “So you’re officially a Buckeye.” “You’re officially a Tiger.” He shot back. “Yeah.” I nodded. “So, we’re done.” Joe said flatly and I felt my chest tighten as my eyes filled with tears.

“We don’t have to be.” I sniffled. “Y/N, how the hell are we going to keep this up being so far apart?” Joe clenched his steering wheel. “What happened to all of the ways you came up with when we stayed up night after night filling out applications?” I asked. “I never thought we’d have to act on them.” He sighed, “I never thought I’d be without you.”

“Joe, we’re both going to be so busy in a few months. We don’t need to make any decisions now.” I reached out and he folded his hands in his lap. Dropping my hands back down, I was about to speak when Joe said, “I think it’s best if we do this now. It’s over.” I bit my lip hard as I rushed out of his truck, wanting to hold in my sobs so he didn’t see.

—

“Congratulations to the class of 2015!” I threw my cap up in the air and began to hug and celebrate with those around me. Glancing down the row, I met Joe’s gaze. We stared for a moment before I gave a small wave; which he returned.

A week later, I was all packed and ready to hit the road. My parents were in the U Haul and my sister was keeping me company in my car on the 18 hour trip. Just as I got into my car, my phone pinged.

~Good luck, Tiger~

__________

This was super short; but I’ve never posted anything I’ve written and I just wanted to put something out there! Thank you to those who read this! Should I make a part 2 after they’ve started college?

(Also I tend to stick to first person even with Y/N but do more people prefer second person and using you?)

[gothoffspring]

Previously on Living a Nightmare;

Riley received an AMAZING chance card and jumped all the way to the top of the comedy career! He quickly became an overnight sensation and is now a one star celebrity! This is definitely Riley's biggest accomplishment and it means we'll have to spend a lot less time at work as the legacy progresses which I'm happy about!

Immediately after being promoted, Riley was flown out to Del Sol Valley to film his very FIRST comedy special titled "Hot and Heavy". It was a resounding success! "Hot and Heavy" was one of the most popular comedy albums of the entire year, and Riley has the plaques and posters to prove it. His life has skyrocketed in a very short amount of time. He's got a beautiful girlfriend, a job that he loves and grand ideas for what the future holds for him.

Monica decided she was ready for more and autonomously asked Riley if she could move in! They're both so infatuated with each other and don't want to waste any more time not being together.

Under the cut you can find some a lot more info on the gameplay aspect of the legacy and my future plans for the Burns family!

First of all, I had to extend the short lifespans just a LITTLE bit. Short is TOO short y'all, I can't. I still made them shorter than the normal lifespan. Lifespans are as follows:

Baby: 2 days

Infant: 6 days

Toddler: 8 days

Child: 11 days

Teen: 14 days

Young Adult: 18 days

Adult: 25 days

Elder: 8 days

We'll play out this first generation with these lifespans and see how it goes, I may have to adjust it a bit but I'm not sure. I really did not realize how difficult this challenge was going to be, because I get attached to my gameplay sims very fast. They're all gonna DIE so quickly, pray for me. I'm honestly excited to see how much progress we can make in a short amount of time though.

As far as future plans, I'm completely over Strangerville and it's annoying NPC's. I did not beat the Strangerville story and I was using a mod to toggle the story on and off, and sometimes I would forget to toggle it and it's just so frustrating. there should ABSOLUTELY be an option in the gameplay settings to turn the story off.

We are officially going to be moving to Chestnut Ridge! I figured it would be fun to try out some horse ranch gameplay and own a huge ranch. We're going to be taking out a loan in order to afford it, and Riley is going to keep working for a while as a top comedian before he retires and dedicates all of his time to the ranch. We're going to be attempting to survive by selling nectar, breeding horses/doing competitions, and farming! Monica may also pick up crocheting or cross stitching as a side hobby. Maybe canning?! I haven't done any canning at all yet! I know it makes little to no sense for them to be moving to a huge ranch from a very rundown home, but since Riley shot to stardom so fast I like to think he realized the first thing he wanted was a nicer home.

I think it fits Riley PERFECTLY. He's always wanted to make his own nectar and being a country boy at heart, Chestnut Ridge won't feel too far from home. Monica is also an animal enthusiast and VERY excited to get some animals, so it's going to be great for both of them. They've been doing some house hunting lately and they've almost found the perfect place. I've already moved some of their friends to Chestnut Ridge and given all of the original Chestnut Ridge townies little makeovers! I also added a couple more sims to the world just to fill it up a bit more. Riley and Monica will be making TONS of friends I'm sure. There's a bunch of couples ready to have babies at the same time as them which I'm excited about, gotta make sure our kids have friends!

I think that's it for now, but I did just want to say thank you so much to anyone who shows any kind of interest in following along with my gameplay. I know I've been widlly inconsistent and have rarely been posting gameplay, but I truly believe that's about to change as I dive back into this legacy and get things rolling again!

[bucks-daddy-issues]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @neverevan @made-ofmemories and @diazsdimples thank you!

How many works do you have on ao3?

6! I only started writing a little over a year ago and I am a very, very slow writer.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

68,008

3. What fandoms do you write for?

9-1-1 only at the moment.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

I got a bed but I’d rather be in ours tonight (6.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Thighs and Eyes (3.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Kiss your lips blue (7k, Buddie, Explicit) I'll Be Your Gift, Give You Something Good To Celebrate (6.4k, Buddie, Explicit) Sweet Nothing (37.8k, Buddie, Teen and up)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! Every time, comments absolutely make my day and I don't feel like my responses ever do justice to just how giddy I am when I get a nice comment!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of my fics are even remotely angsty (though maybe some in the near future might be idk idk) but I don't think I could ever write something with an angsty ending. Happy endings only over here.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all of my fics have very happy endings but I'll go with Sweet Nothing maybe, as it's super happy with also hints at even more happiness in their future too. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no, thank god.

9. Do you write smut?

Most definitely, four of the six fics I have up are smut but I always like to put a lot of plot in there too!

10. Craziest crossover?

I don't write crossovers, it's just not my thing personally.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, I really hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, put people are welcome to as long as they link my fic :)

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

No but I hope to soon!

14. All time favorite ship?

Buddie buddie buddie buddie buddie

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a few I started when I first got into 911 that would need some crazy reworking to still make sense but I'm still hopeful lol. The hangover au is really hanging on by a thread because the 911 writers blatantly stole my idea to steal the hangover movie's idea (jk) I'll definitely still write it but it's kinda been put on hold.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing descriptively? I also get some lovely comments on how I write emotions which makes me very happy :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think my pacing could use a lot of work. Sometimes things feel a little too fast and other times I go on for too long. My dialogue can also be hit or miss depending on the character.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I can't speak any language other than English and like super basic Irish so I just don't trust myself to write in another language well. If I had someone's help I would be open to it though.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I think I wrote one direction fics back when I was like 12-15 but I only actually posted one fic before I started writing for 911 and that was destiel about a decade ago (and it was deleted like 6 months later)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Ahhhh I'm not sure, I have things I both love and hate about all of them, but I think I have to pick Sweet Nothing because I put my heart and soul into that fic for months and it inspired me to keep writing longer fics.

I feel like most people have already been tagged so sorry if you've already done this, but tagging: @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @spagheddiediaz @thewolvesof1998 @rogerzsteven

@jesuisici33 @sunshinediaz @daffi-990 @rainbow-nerdss @theotherbuckley

+ whoever else wants to do it!

[cinderella-ish]

Fic Recs: Novella, Novel & Epic Novel Length (17,000+ words)

Novella Length (17,000-40,000 words)

Happy birthday? by Modzy78 G | Tohru/Kyo, some Machi/Yuki | slice of life Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo all view birthdays differently. Will this change once they're together?

Hold On, by Danyu T | Tohru/Kyo | angst, drama, & romance Kyou has accepted his fate as the cat. Relationships change and the bond between he and Tohru is cemented forever. But he leaves something behind, something precious enough to give everyone the strength to hold on.

How Can I Thank You, by SharkFairy77 E | Kyo/Yuki | fluff & smut As Kakeru's best man, Yuki has him and Maki over for a celebration dinner. Kyo, the loving boyfriend that he is, even agrees to cook… However begrudgingly. At the last minute, Kakeru asks if he can bring his sister Machi (Yuki's ex) along to dinner.

I'll Be Here, by Blanche2023 G | Gen - Kazuma & Kyo | hurt/comfort The first three days Kyo spends with Kazuma and the first time Kazuma sees Kyo's True Form.

The Night We Met, by pettyimperfections T | Tohru/Kyo | angst & romance Kyo never got the chance to chase after Tohru and tell her how desperately he wanted to be with her. Instead, they became strangers. They went their separate ways. Tohru with no memory of her time with the Sohmas. Years later, Kyo and Tohru's paths once again become unexpectedly intertwined.

Out to Play, by KyoDoodles E | Tohru/Haru/Kyo/Rin | smut Kyo and Tohru are struggling to move their physical relationship forward, and they reach out to Haru for help. When Rin happily lends Haru to the couple during her weekend away, Haru becomes their Sex Sempai.

Think we kissed, but I forgot, by cold_flame T | Kakeru/Kyo | Romance In which one hazy night brings together an unexpected pair.

What's a White Lie Between Friends (& My Family)? by AnxietyAvocado G | Tohru/Kyo | romance Tohru's cousin is getting married, and she's been invited to be part of the wedding. She can't show up alone, so Kyo decides he's going with her. But when her family assumes they're dating, things are going to get very awkward very quickly.

woebegone (and on the sixth day, man dropped his hand away from the world to look instead at the salt creeping up his ankles, and in that first breath knew not himself but) by a-bigail T | Gen - Yuki, Kyo & Yuki, implied Kakeru/Yuki, background Tohru/Kyo | angst & hurt/comfort Yuki ends up at the ocean. He ends up at Kyo and Tohru's house. He doesn't know why; none of this was exactly planned.

Novel Length (40,000-110,000 words)

Escaping the future, by Modzy78 T | Tohru/Kyo | angst, drama & fluff It's time to graduate, and Kyo's still cursed. Tohru doesn't want Kyo to be confined. How far is she willing to go to save him from his future?

Heart Strain, by Kitty0430 T | Kakeru & Yuki, some Machi/Yuki and Tohru/Kyo | angst & drama What if Akito didn’t receive Tohru’s kindness and didn’t realise her mistakes at the story’s conclusion?

I'll be Standing There By You, by Eboni_A T | gen | Kyo & Yuki, some Tohru/Kyo and Machi/Yuki | angst & hurt/comfort As Tohru Sohma loses her battle with terminal cancer, Yuki temporarily moves in with Kyo to offer support. Tohru is Kyo's life, and Yuki fears what might become of his cousin after Tohru is gone.

inertia, by miss_coverly (series) E | Tohru/Kyo | angst & smut a Kyoru friends with benefits AU

My Brother, by OnigiriCat4Ever T | Gen - Momiji & Momo, some Momiji/OMC | angst & drama Momiji has made a new life for himself in Germany. He has a job he enjoys, a boyfriend he loves, and a life that makes him happier than he'd felt in a very long time. It wasn't perfect, but it was happy, and he was satisfied…until Momo asked if they could talk.

Set it Free, by TurnUps T | Kakeru/Yuki | romance The fanclub girls are annoying Machi about being on the student council. Kakeru has a plan to divert their attention. It's a fake dating AU.

Stains On Me, by RiddleAfar T | Kyo/Yuki | romance At 18 years old, the first words your soulmate ever spoke to you will appear on your arm. It sounds romantic until Kyo's first words to him appear on Yuki's wrist. Now it just sounds like a load of bull.

that's how we deal with boys like me. by mugsandpugs T | Gen - Kyo & Yuki | angst & drama After Haru reveals that Yuki has been abused almost to the point of death, he schemes with Kyo and Rin to bust him out of the Sohma compound. The four kids live together on the run from their abusive families, relying on each other to stay alive and heal.

The Way Back, by 8_characters_or_less T | Tohru/Kyo | angst, drama, hurt/comfort, & romance After three years locked away in the Cat's Room the curse has finally broken. But three years is a long time and the damage that's been done won't easily be repaired. If there's anything worth fighting for, it's love. Only time will tell if that will be enough.

Epic Novel Length (110,000 words +)

A Pretty Orange Color, by AnimeliaRose E | Kyo/Yuki | angst, drama, fluff, romance & smut Yuki and Kyo end up spending some time alone together at the lake house, when they realise there is a fine line between love & hate.

The Pursuit of Repeating History, by RiddleAfar E | Kyo/Yuki | angst, drama, romance & smut In their third and final year of high school, Yuki and Kyo learn the hard way where their zodiac spirits end and they begin. *technically unfinished, but reaches a satisfying end and only has 1 chapter left (I think an epilogue?)

[popcornforone]

Gifting

I’ve not done this before but I believe this would be what 8 of the Pedro Pascal Guys would gift you on Christmas morning. A little bit of fun & some of you might not agree but this is what I think they would gift you underneath the tree.

Obviously some of these are not going to be minor friendly so best not to read if you are under 18!

Din Djarin

Din would look on (behind the mask obviously) & se you start to unwrap you small gift. The knot won’t undo so Grogu starts to use the force. You think it’s sweet but Din tells him off for not being patient. You undo the last layer of the brown paper & see that Din has gifted you some Beskar. It has his & Grogus emblem on it & you smile back, you are not a mandalorian. You then notice it has a hook & chain. Din comes & sits behind you & slowly clips in it place & you smile. Through his modulator you hear him whisper”your part of our clan now”

Oberyn Martell

You awaken in your chambers, usually a small bowl of fruit is waiting for you from your lover. But this morning there are 3. One filled with fruit, one with nuts & one with spices. There is also a large display of flowers in front of your mirror. You smile & slowly climb out of bed & see a note from your Prince. “I shall come to see you later today, to make sure you remember our day of celebrations”. Oberyn is a man of his word & satisfy you for an hour later that morning. He is greeted by his own gift of your naked body lying on top of the bed sheets.

Frankie Catfish Morales

Frankie is Sober this Christmas & remember to actually get you a gift. No last minute dash to a 24/7 store on Christmas Eve. Nope underneath the tree is that jumper you pointed out 3 weeks ago when you went shopping, plus a watch, yours stopped working a little while ago. You hold them up proudly & smile that Frankie has taken so much in recently. “Awww Frankie” you say & you scoot along the sofa & kiss him softly. “So perfect, you do listen to me”.

Joel Miller (pre outbreak)

Post out break Joel doesn’t even know what day of the week it is but pre outbreak would have spoilt you with gifts. Ginger bread house packs the week before to build. Flowers & plants for you to make a Christmas wreath with in advance. Candles for the Christmas table. It’s like he was doing his own advent calendar himself. But in the day he softly will wake you up & gift you a small piece of jewellery. It’s not much but it will be half his monthly salary. He’d slowly but on the bracket, neckless or earrings on you & then would pepper you in kisses.

Jack Daniels / Agent Whiskey

He’s probably on assignment, saving the world. If he is he gifts you a bottle of the next years Statesmen for you to have & save for the future. But if he is home he’s got you something to make your life better. This year he has got you an air fryer. You’ve heard the rest of the world talk about them & he thought it was a rather cool gadget. You both wonder if you can air-fry Brussel sprouts to see if that makes them taste better.

Marcus Moreno

Marcus feels sorry for you. He’s not been a good boyfriend, but you understand being a super hero is more important. So when he is not in bed on Christmas morning you’re a little concerned. But then I’m he walks. “Breakfast in bed for my beloved” he’s made pancakes, proper coffee, fresh orange juice & there is a large bowl of fruit too. “I have other gifts under the tree for you but I promise to be here more emotionally & physically this year” he says before he slips back into bed with you to eat the breakfast & maybe have some morning delight.

Pero Tovar

Rice. He’s got you rice. It’s what keeps him going. He’s grumpy if he doesn’t eat & it’s his favourite. So him buying you 3 bags of rice for Christmas means you don’t have to spend any of your money on it for the next three months, which you are secretly happy about.

Dave York

He’s given you a couple of standard gifts over the day in front of the family, but as you both finish putting things away from the day, Dave hands you a small box. No one else is around the girls are in bed, the in-laws have left. So when you open the box & you see the see through nightdress & new vibrator, you blush. “David!” You squark. He lifts you up abandoning the rest of the cleaning away. “But I’m not wearing it” you say. “I know” Dave replies “I don’t want you wearing anything while i fuck you tonight”

[beelmons]

Escapade 4

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!reader Rating: Explicit, readers under 18 are not advised to read this story. Tags: smut, best friends to lovers, possible angst at some point, porn with plot, mentions of weapons, minor OC appeareances for plot purposes, mentions of death for plot purposes, unprotected sex, reader drinks a bit of alcohol. Summary: A new case drops and someone you know is involved. Spencer is there to help you through it. Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 / 3: Bonus | 4 | 5 | 6 A/N: Repost so it can appear in tags. If you want to be added to the tag list for future chapts, let me know in the comments or my ask! Tag list: @punkndisorderrly

Best thing about sleeping with someone from your same line of work was the amount of understanding they could have for your lack of availability. Being professional, as long as you weren’t under the sheets, was a priority for both Spencer and you. The Missouri case had gone without further issue, and mind you, neither another escapade. UnSub was caught after only three days, families reunited, a good ending to a job well done, as happy as they come. Best part about it all: it was time to celebrate.

—Sorry, guys, I have a date to get to. —Morgan responded when Garcia proposed margarita and nacho night at one of the local Mexican pubs.

—What? You didn’t tell me about that! —Penelope reproached.

—Sorry, mama, escaped my mind. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. —Derek took a second to kiss his best friend’s head before darting out of the ballpen with a wave towards the rest of you.

—God, JJ? —she looked expectantly towards the blonde.

—Sorry, PG, Henry is out with a cold and Will’s got a shift.

—Jesus, I hate mommy duties, although mothers are awesome and real-life heroes that deserve all the respect and love in the world. Go take care of your munchkin and have a good night. —she patted Jennifer on the back, basically pushing her out of the way.

Hotch was locked in his office, and Rossi was long gone since it was cigar club night. Prentiss looked at her with pleading eyes, too tired to voice out any complaints, which Penelope understood the meaning of in no second. She gave her a sympathetic nod and Emily bolted out of sight. Everyone knew a calm night with Sergio was due for her, and well deserved, too, but that meant it was your turn under the Penelope Garcia Polygraph sight.

—I’ve got plans tonight, P. —you answered in a hurry.

—And the holy spirit! —she grumbled in complaint—Of course you do, you are a highly solicited beautiful being. —you crossed puzzled gazes with Spencer at the bizarreness of the compliment she offered— I guess it’s just you and me, boy wonder.

If you were given a wish to have any moment in history turned into a picture you got to keep, you would have asked for Spencer Reid’s face after he heard those words. You hadn’t officially told him, but after being left with the frustration that night in Missouri, when Morgan became the least desired intruder, you assumed you would take the raincheck as soon as you landed back in DC.

—You wouldn’t believe me if I said I also have a date, would you? —Spencer asked Penelope as he fidgeted with the strap of his bag.

—That depends, would you be telling me the truth?

—No. —he answered softly, almost ashamedly.

—Then it’s settled! —Garcia responded with a bright grin— I promise not to have you out so late, okay? Just entertain me for a while, it’s not every day that we get such happy endings, it’s just fair we have a happy night, too.

—Alright.

The smile that crept through his lips defused the annoyance growing within you. It was hard for Reid to say no to Penelope due to having an unyielding love for her, amongst other reasons, so they shortly found themselves at the bar down the street. You walked with them up to a crossroad before you took the bus home. Tiny, trivial problem: you didn’t have any plans. You made the excuse up hoping Spencer would have one of his own and the night would end in either your apartment or his. Perhaps you weren’t as connected as you thought, or maybe his social life was just that sad, regardless of the reason, you were now on your bed laying down with your eyes fixed on the ceiling, bored out of your mind.

Few blocks down the road where your workplace was located, Penelope and Reid shared a plate of vegetarian nachos, courtesy of the ethical agricultural practices enthusiast, and downed a couple strawberry margaritas.

—I swear, three days, I mean, it’s gotta be some sort of record, right? —Penelope gushed about their recent solving.

—Our shortest has been two days, twelve hours, and thirty-four minutes. Ten hours, actually, and five minutes if we don’t count the briefing meeting and jet ride.

—Still, you guys did an excellent job. Who would have thought something as happy and colorful as a balloon would inspire someone to kill? And most importantly, how do you figure out something like that?

—Hotch gave me the credit for the breakthrough, but I had help. —he clarified, and rightfully so, since the idea of a balloon fetishist being the UnSub had occurred to you before he modified the profile based on that assumption.

—Ah! —she exclaimed excitedly— that’s right, that little partner of yours is a real smart cookie, and pretty too, the guy she ends up with is going to be incredibly lucky.

—Right. —something in Spencer seemed to dim at her words and the pursing of his lips, which always gave him away, didn’t fail to notify Penelope.

—Aw, don’t worry Reid, you’re always going to be her true love.

—What? —he almost stuttered as he asked, genuine surprise in his voice—What do you mean?

—It’s like me and Derek, right? Sure, he has all these women, but who does he love more than anyone else? —she made a pause to point at her entire person— There’s just something about the bonds we create in that office, what starts in the BAU remains forever.

Spencer was about to contribute to the statement, until a familiar voice interrupted his train of thought.

—Please don’t say that Penelope, it would mean the bet I made with Prentiss regarding the fourth Mrs. Rossi will go on for an eternity. —you barged into the conversation.

You could see the way the woman’s face lit up, her hands clapping together as she watched you approach the table. You were walking from behind Spencer’s seat, they had chosen a booth, so his head had to tilt upwards to catch your face. You motioned for him to slide further against the wall to leave space for you to sit down, which he gladly did; you made sure to set the jacket you had just removed on your right thigh, the one that was grazing Reid’s, as you took a seat next to your partner.

—What are you doing here? —she asked with particular joy in her tone.

—Got stood up. —you shrugged off the question nonchalantly.

—No way! —she exclaimed a bit too loud, possibly the margarita’s doing— Do not worry my sweet child, his loss, we will make sure you forget all about him. I’m getting us another margarita round.

Although he wanted to object to the idea, being that he wasn’t that fond of drinking until passing out, Spencer was left with his mouth open as Penelope dashed outside the booth and toward the bar on the other end of the establishment. There was a minute of silence as you looked back at Reid only to find that his eyes had landed on you first, he furrowed his brows briefly and licked his lips, you knew he did that when he struggled with finding words.

—I’m sorry you got stood up. —he said.

—Reid, I didn’t have any plans. —you couldn’t help but laugh quietly at the obliviousness of the man before you—I made them up thinking we were going to pick up where we left back in Missouri.

—Oh. —his tone was disappointed— yeah, I didn’t get the hint.

—No joke. —you smiled reassuringly in his direction—We could still get out of here, though, maybe back to my apartment?

You made sure to lock eyes with him as you let out your sentence, your hand travelled to the side, caressing the thigh that was closer to yours on a place that was certainly not appropriate for coworkers. The touch made him flinch and his hand was quickly on your wrist, causing it to stop your movement.

—Are you crazy? —he whispered—If she sees us, we won’t hear the end of it.

—God, all right. —you grumbled, retracting your hand.

He was right, you hated that about Spencer, he was always right. However, something you would soon come to find out, he was also always horny ever since you started your little arrangement and he seemed to be feeling more confident and daring, too, a rare combination of attitudes when it came to the young doctor. As you moved your hand back, his didn’t stay put, he swiftly moved to tug on your middle arm, forcing you closer to him as he whispered into your ear.

—We’re going to make Garcia company for a couple more margaritas, we will escort her back to her place, I will offer to do the same for you like the gentleman that I am, and we’re going back to your apartment so I can behave like anything but, got it?

His face was so close to yours you could feel his hot breath brushing the side of your neck. His grip wasn’t hurtful, rather commanding, and the way his voice lowered to mutter such words had electric shocks sent throughout your entire body. A smug smile drew across his face at your shocked expression, if he was doubting his sexual skills a few days back, you couldn’t find any trace of hesitation now. But it was nice, the confirmation that the burning desire to be with him again was not one-sided.

—Sorry to be back so quick, —the words from Penelope, whom you didn’t even notice approaching the table as you focused on the instructions your partner was giving you— and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Hotch needs us back in the office.

—You have to be fucking kidding me.

Two astonished pairs of eyes landed on you. You didn’t mean to say that out loud, if you were being honest, but your frustration was growing uncomfortably fast, and there just seemed to be so many obstacles for you to have Spencer’s balls in you, something you desperately wanted. You backed your reaction with an explanation on how the night was not going the way you had planned, and Penelope seemed to understand. The three of you walked back to the office as Garcia explained you some details of the case Hotch had emailed her beforehand. You were the first to arrive back to the round table and earned a heartfelt apology from Aaron for making you come back so fast, couple minutes later Rossi walked into the room with a strong smell of Cuban cigar and an annoyed look on his face, followed by Jennifer and Emily who looked like death itself had taken pity on them from how tired they seemed, and shortly thereafter Derek joined you with mere disappointment in his eyes. He took his seat, defeatedly, next to you.

—Feel you. —you muttered for his ears only—Didn’t get any tonight either.

—See, the reason I look so pissed is not because I didn’t get any, it’s because I got half.

You let out a quiet ‘oof’ in solidarity and decided to pat his shoulder. Derek was sitting on your left while Reid remained on your right, apparently unaware of your interaction with your mutual coworker.

—I’m aware some of you had other commitments, and I do apologize for making you come back in such a rush, but the director has asked personally for our help, and this case needs to be handled with outmost secrecy.

—And why is that? —David asked.

—Because it involves deceased FBI trainees.

Hotchner’s tone was as stern as ever, and you could hear the quiet gulps everyone let out. Each member sitting around the table had been a cadet once, a justice-filled kid with ambition to take over the world, it was unsettling, to say the least, to picture such dreams turned to ashes because of a serial killer.

—There are two dead and two missing so far—Garcia took the controller away from Hotch when she noticed him struggling with the button—Dylan Parker, 28, was found hanging from his room in Philadelphia, initially presumed suicide until forensic evidence showed no trace of rope fibers on his hands. Andrea Rogers, 27, alleged car accident in Norfolk, alcohol levels were high but there was no sign or residue of alcohol in her mouth or throat. As for the missing agents, there’s Carlos Gonzalez, 28, last seen leaving the FBI building here in Quantico-.

—He looks familiar—JJ interrupted.

—He works as a desk clerk in human resources a couple of floors up, Dylan Parker is an archivist for the Intelligence and Research branch in Philadelphia, and Andrea Rogers was a data analyst for the criminal justice information services located in Norfolk. None of them with high-risk jobs or sensitive information to have extorted. Who’s the last one, again? —Reid offered an explanation of his own, earning a playful glare from Garcia who was trying to finish her presentation.

—Right on the money, baby genius, and if you don’t know the last victim’s name it’s because I, in fact, have not told you yet. Conrad Smith, 28, he’s a Virginia P.D. desk clerk in D.C. who was reported missing by his soon-to-be ex-wife when he didn’t show up for court last week.

—Hold on, you said the connection was that they were FBI trainees, but this Conrad guy isn’t even in the bureau, why is he involved in the investigation? —Morgan barged in.

—None of them are actual agents, they are all administrative staff —Emily contributed.

—The connection is not referring to their current occupations, rather, it refers to what they went through previous to obtaining their current jobs.

—They all completed the FBI Academy training program but weren’t hired as Special Agents. —you finally spoke.

There was something about your tone that snapped everyone’s attention to you, and it certainly piked their interest when your eyes seemed to tremble at the picture of Officer Smith. Hotch took a mental note of your reaction, and the silence was starting to become awkward and tense. You were thankful for the way Spencer distracted everyone with his following statement.

 —Judging by the ages, they must have crossed paths in the academy, which means it is likely that our UnSub also went to the academy during the same period or he’s part of staff or faculty. —his eyes would switch between the team and you as he spoke.

—That’s the reason why this must be handled internally, it would affect the credibility and reputation of the bureau if word got out that there’s serial killing happening within the domains of the main office. Garcia, do background checks on every staff member working at the academy, classroom teachers, tactical trainers, even dorm monitors and cleaning staff. Reid, I need you to build a geographical profile for the attacks, we need at least an idea of where the UnSub lives, otherwise we have no real lead. Dave, take Prentiss to the local M.E., we are running an independent autopsy on the bodies of Dylan Parker and Andrea Rogers to see if there’s anything that initial reports might have missed. The rest of us will interview family and friends of the victims, they are driving in as we speak. Get to work.

At the boss’s commands everyone scattered from around the table. You were the first one through the door, your stomach felt queasy, as if something was swirling within you. You walked decisively past your desk, only dropping the file in your hands as you did so, and towards the kitchenette, as you arrived you took a second looking anxiously in every direction, had you really seen what you saw? You placed your arms around your stomach to soothe yourself as you continued to pace around the limited area while deep in thought.

—Hey —A familiar voice by the entrance made you flinch in your place. You hadn’t even realized that Reid had followed you the instant you left the meeting room— You okay?

—I’m fine. —your voice broke slightly at the affirmation

Reid simply stood there, watching as you fidgeted with your blazer and a hurt look in his eyes.

—Where do you know them from? —he dared to ask, noticing the surprise on your face at his inquire he decided to explain his reasoning—Your shoulders dropped, you are hugging yourself, which is a sign or self-comfort, and you just…—he made another short pause to clear his throat—you look sad, and I’m worried.

You weren’t sure if it was the way he always showed up when you needed him, or that he could read you like you were a children’s book, or simply the fact that one of your old friends from the academy was missing with the possibility of being murdered, but your chest felt so heavy, so tight that the only relief was to cry. Your tears started rolling down your face before you could even notice; Spencer took a couple of doubtful steps towards you, arms slightly spread to his sides, and only engulfed you into a hug once you closed the gaps between your bodies. You sobbed gently into his shoulder as he patted your head soothingly.

—I hadn’t seen Conrad in three years, even when we promised to stay in touch, —you mumbled against the fabric of his vest—the rest of them, I didn’t really know them well, but we shared some classes and were paired up in practice runs at Hogan’s Alley, the tactical training field.

After finishing your sentence you pulled back slightly, enough to be able to look at him in the face, but not for his arms to fall from your body, instead he loosely let them rest on the area of your waist, as he had familiarly done before during more intimate meetings.

—There is a possibility he’s still alive. —he tried to reassure you.

—There’s also a possibility we just haven’t found the body yet.

Your head dropped at the thought, if there was something as beforehand grief you were certainly feeling it at that moment; families, friends, they cling to hope, innocent minds can’t comprehend the reach of evil, but you knew, you knew what could happen, what probably already happened. As you were buried in a spiral of pain, you felt cold fingers against your chin forcing it up. Spencer made sure to look you dead in the eye as he spoke.

—Do you trust me? —he asked.

—Of course. —you answered with a confused tone, unsure of why such question would arrive now.

—Then believe me when I say we’re going to do everything we can to find him.

His face had gotten so close you could have sworn he was going to kiss you, his eyes travelling from yours to your lips and back. Your heart was pounding so hard into your chest, but what for? This man had seen you naked in more than one sense, what was there to be nervous about? Before you could find your answers, the sound of steps approaching caused you to separate hurriedly. You jumped back to create more space between the two of you, and as soon as you did, Hotch’s figure appeared. He took a second to read the situation, noticing how both of you seemed to focus on anything but his stare.

—Something the matter? —you asked to avoid a questioning from him.

—I need to see you in my office, immediately.

You nodded in response and followed after your boss without a further word, but that sentence would make anyone nervous no matter the time or place it was said. When you were finally behind the walls of his office Hotch poured a glass of water and signaled for you to sit down on the guest chair, leaving the glass by your side.

—Garcia has confirmed that all the victims were in the academy during the same period of time, she also found out that another two members dropped out in the same year, which should now be considered part of the victim pool.

—That’s great, but shouldn’t we be telling this to the entire team? —you questioned, and you heard him sigh.

—Your name shows up as part of the graduate class for that same year. I would like to know the nature of your relationship with each of the victims assuming you crossed paths at some point.

—Um… —you nervously stated, still not quite ready to talk about the situation yet— Parker and Rogers, I really didn’t know them well, Parker really had issues with handling guns, he would always doubt himself during tactical missions, Rogers was the complete opposite, always struggled on classroom assignments, as for Gonzalez, he was interested in securing a stable job, he just wanted to get into the FBI for the benefits and retirement plan.

—And what about Conrad Smith? —Aaron had that face that you knew well, the ‘I already know, I just want to hear it from you’ face, and through hardships you had learned that it was better for you if you just came clean.

—Conrad was interested in the psychology of the criminal mind. —you admitted— his end goal was to run the BAU one day, he mostly struggled with the social part of it all, he wasn’t very well liked by others. As for the nature of our relationship, we became close friends during the training period, and remained as such, but I hadn’t reached out to him for around three years.

—Do you know the reason for their departure from the academy?

—No. —you shook your head—There was a rumor about issues with the final tactical test, but Conrad never really told me what happened. It wasn’t until a day before the ceremony that he told me he wouldn’t be attending.

—Alright. Anything else I should know? —he looked at you expectantly, and you simply shook your head. He took a second to look at you, who was still a bit restless from the news, before he spoke back up—If you wanted to retreat from the case, I would understand.

—No fucking way, Aaron—you snapped resolutely at him.

—Okay. Check in with me every once in a while, cases with personal attachments can become difficult and you could accidentally endanger yourself, or the team. Reid will shadow your interviews, and you are not to go anywhere without him, understood?

—A babysitter? Really, Hotch? —you scoffed with an offended tone.

—No. —yet his was never changing— A friend that will keep a clear head if grief takes over.

Beautiful reminder of the reason you wanted to join the BAU in the first place: Aaron Hotchner. After having him as a guest speaker in one of your classes, you always found fascinating the way he would turn every tragedy he went through into a learning opportunity, and the devotion he put not only in his work, but in protecting everyone around it. You responded with yet another nod of your head and he signaled for your dismissal.

The case was going to be hard, no doubt, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt this stressed knowing someone’s life was in your hands, it was hard to focus on the tasks you were given. Lost in thought, you dropped on the chair by your desk suddenly noticing a sticky note that wasn’t there before.

“Meet me by the parking lot, third floor, row Z, spot 45.”  

It wasn’t signed, so you got an eerie feeling from it.

—JJ, has someone been in my desk? —you asked your coworker who happened to be walking by.

—Not that I’ve seen. By the way, I’m taking Andrea Rogers’s dad, Dylan Parker’s brother should be here in about 20 minutes.

—Okay, thanks.

You were intrigued by the text that was now in your hands, so you looked around in search of any clues. Everyone seemed busy, they were hanging to the promise of doing everything they could to find the missing people. Perhaps you were thinking too much, plus who would try to hurt you in the middle of a Federal Law Enforcement Building? You double checked the holster to make sure your gun was on you before headed to the instructed place.

Being almost midnight, the parking lot building was empty asides from a couple official SUVs, a little creepy if you were being honest. On the spot number 45 there was a parked vehicle and you started to approach it slowly, your hand travelled to the handle of your gun, the windows were polarized so you couldn’t see inside even when you tried. The driver’s seat’s door opened, and your instincts kicked in, you unholstered your weapon and pointed it towards the man coming out of the car.

—It’s me! It’s me! —Spencer yelled as he held up his arms.

—Jesus Christ, Spencer! —you yelled back as you put everything back in place— Don’t be leaving cryptic messages like that, I thought you were a hitman!

—Sorry! I figured you would get it was me from the handwriting. —he answered as he got out of the vehicle.

—Next time, just sign it.

You laughed and moved to the front of the car to rest against the hood, Reid followed you, standing right in front, his back against the building’s wall.

—Listen…—he began to talk.

—Reid, I appreciate it, but I really don’t feel like talking about it just yet.

—I know. I called you here because… —he licked his lips nervously— you were there when I really needed to clear my head, I want to do the same for you, I want to be here for you in the same way.

You raised your eyebrows as heat ran through your body knowing full well what he was talking about. Your throat cleared and you examined your surroundings quickly, making sure there was no one around that could overhear.

—I have an interview in twenty minutes, I don’t think we would be able to have a little escapade right now. —you said in protest when he took a step closer and his hands rested on your hips the same way they had been before in the kitchen.

—I went over every maintenance report for the last week, this section has two defective security cameras and have been deactivated for maintenance, but it hasn’t been completed yet, it’s scheduled due tomorrow. Prentiss and Rossi are out at the M.E.’s office, JJ and Morgan already took the interview rooms and Hotch is hiding in his office. We are in the clear.

Without letting you process the amount of information he gave you in such little time your friend’s lips were already on you. You could feel him grip the fabric on your waist with force, but the way his mouth moved was tender in comparison. Your head felt light-headed trying to comprehend what was going on, but your body caught up without hesitation, your arms moved to wrap around his neck while you returned the kiss.

Shortly after, you felt his entire body pressed up against you, if you didn’t know better you would have guessed that the urgency to please you was more about his desire than yours, but you needed this, god, you needed him. His hands soon began to press the fabric of your shirt up in attempt to untuck it from your dress pants so he could feel the skin underneath, the coldness of his fingertips made you shiver and caused a moan to come out. You sensed the smirk forming on his face at the sound, and he wasted no time before his tongue darted into your mouth. As a reflex, you jumped up to be sitting on top of the hood, your hips were at the same level as his and they rolled on their own against his crotch.

The little make out session was just adding to the burning sensation in between your legs and by the hardness in his pants he was having the same reaction. You pushed him back by the shoulders gently forcing the kiss to be broken, which earned a complaint on his side in the form of a whimper; your hands worked quick to undo your pants and he focused on his bottom clothes at the same time, you wiggled on top of the hood to lower them to your ankles, only your underwear remaining on. Reid took a second to move the piece of clothing away and rest it against the hood, the metal was cold, and the contrast felt interesting against your hot skin.

You looked down, eager to see if your anticipation was shared, and you were pleased to see that it was. When he freed his member, you reached out to grab it by the base to give it a couple of experimental pumps, he must have been frustrated because the low groan he let out was music to your ears. Without a word, he moved the fabric covering your core to the side and positioned his tip at the entrance, but before he entered you, he grabbed your legs again and looped them around his middle. His forehead laid on yours, and his eyes stared deeply as he pushed inside you. Aware of the sound you were about to make, his lips attached to yours once again, and your whimper was muted by the now familiar presence of his tongue.

His hips began to move and his palms were pressed on each of your sides against the hood. He was gentle, not doubtful was before, he was taking his time letting you feel every inch of him inside your walls, the quiet groans still being absorbed by your lips. You were tempted to grab his hair, to tug on those locks you loved so much, but you knew too much mess would give you away.

His hands gripped on your hips and tugged towards him, making you fall with your back fully against the hood. You moaned quietly at the roughness of his actions, the new position allowing him to hit deeper within you, you could see him entirely now, how his hips snapped against yours, the frown of concentration in his face, his reddened lips, and it only contributed to your excitement. His pace changed to a quicker one, and his hands decided to explore the front part of your body under your shirt, one of them gave a soft squeeze to your breast over your bra, and he wished he could see you fully naked in that moment, watching them bounce as he pounded into you.

The frustration of not being able to fully show him the pleasure he was giving you was excruciating, forcing yourself to stay quiet, to not scream his name every time the entirety of his cock was inside you, it caused a grimace on your face, and he noticed, one of his hands escaped the inside of your clothes and laid on your cheek instead, the pad of his thumb rubbing against the bone area. You felt your heart pound faster and warmth in your stomach you had long forgotten about. Without thinking, your palm laid on his, and you bit your bottom lip as his hips never ceded their thrusting.

He bent over to land a final kiss on you, his movements becoming slightly erratic, the remaining hand slid down your body towards your intimate parts and his thumb began to rub your clit in circular motions. The combination and the thrill of being in such a public place was enough to throw you over the edge, as your walls began to clench around him you could hear a deep, throaty groan coming from his throat, your nails dug onto the skin of his hand and your legs clenched around his waist when you reached your climax. He gave a pair of additional thrusts until he could no longer hold back, his entire body moved back and his hand held the base of his member, pumping it fast to push himself to reach his own orgasm, and when he did, he turned to a random spot to let out his seed.

You laid on top of the car with a pout in your mouth, Spencer was still panting from his high when he looked back and shot you a questioning look.

—What’s wrong? —he asked with concern.

—Seems like a waste. —you answered, referring to the place he had shot his release on.

He broke into a chuckle and pushed one of your legs playfully after fixing his outfit back up before he took your pants and handed them over. You slid your legs inside the clothing and jumped carefully off the hood of the car, trying your best to remove the couple wrinkles it had gotten in the process.

—Come on, lets head back, there’s work to do —he observed.

—At least now I got a clear head to go on the case.

You walked together side by side and you couldn’t see the bright smile that appeared on his face at your words.

—So, who are you interviewing? —he asked to break the silence.

—Dylan Parker’s brother, I guess Hotch will take Conrad’s mom —you made a pause, and he wanted to inquire about Conrad Smith, but a surprised gasp from your mouth interrupted him— wait, what’s the story for today?

—Oh, don’t worry. I walked Prentiss and Rossi to tell them about specific questions I wanted from the M.E., as for you, I would suggest you say you needed some air and we bumped into the elevator on our way back.

—That genius mind at work is truly amazing. Which reminds me, Hotch wants you to shadow my interviews, you know, just in case my judgement is clouded.

—That’s fine, I have experience babysitting Henry, pretty sure you won’t be a lot of trouble —he joked with a playful tone.

—In your dreams, Reid. —you teased back.

The exchange stopped once you entered the elevator back to the BAU office and there was a warm and loving aura that surrounded the two of you, it was making you nervous, if you were honest with yourself.

—After you. —his inviting voice snapped you out of your trance.

—Oh! Thank you. —You exited the lift with a smile and he followed behind, but before you crossed the main entrance you stopped in your tracks, your hand gripping his arm to make him stand with you— And thank you. —your second ‘thank you’ was softer and sincere, referring to the way he had just treated you.

He replied with an awkward smile and a nod of his head, without any other word he opened the crystal door for you to go in.

—I’ve been looking for you, Dylan Parker’s brother just arrived. —Hotch approached the two of you as soon as you stepped in, sensing an odd atmosphere surrounding you he questioned you— Are you good to do this interview?

—I just needed some air. —you quickly lied— I’m good to go, I swear.

—Okay. —Aaron nodded in response—Reid, I want you to observe, and any field activity that you might run into I want you to go with her, understood?

—Got it.

Without anything further, the Unit Chief drifted back to his interview room, and you felt like you could breathe again. Your mind was clear, and so was your objective. It was time to work hard to find the truth, and you were determined to do so.

[mizkit]

new blog post: my dumb ear

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/my-dumb-ear/

my dumb ear

In a blog post of spectacular unimportance, I am so very happy to say that my dumb ear, in which I got a helix piercing on October 19, 2022, has actually healed!

The remainder of this post may involve vague grossness that the delicate among us might not want to read. Not lots of grossness, but a bit. :)

After noticing that it seemed to have (for want of a better phrase) dried up a lot recently, I went in to have it checked yesterday. The nice woman, who I think was an entirely new person from anybody else who’d ever looked at it, examined it quite closely and said it’s still a bit red and sort of swollen/chunky-feeling, but that there is FINALLY no more moisture or “goo,” as I was calling it (“secretions,” she said, “that’s the professional word for ‘goo,'”) inside the ear hole anymore. So basically it’s HEALED! It still needs time to rest and hopefully the remaining swelling will fade, but honestly I’m so glad. I’ve been fighting the sunk cost fallacy with it for months, trying to convince myself that if it hadn’t healed by October 19 (which would be the 2 year mark) that I should give it up, but after spending so much TIME trying to get it to heal I really didn’t WANT to, and also I LIKE it, so I’ve been agonizing and kind of miserable about it.

But. This is actually a huge step forward. It’s HEALED, not just mostly healed or almost there, but actually no longer an open wound and I’m so incredibly relieved.

Right now I’ve got a hoop in it–I have since maybe March? Maybe April? Maybe January? I don’t even remember, but I think March. It hadn’t healed with a stud and the hoop was kind of the last-ditch attempt to see if it would heal. They don’t usually use hoops because they move more and are easier to knock around, which can cause, healing issues, but since the front hadn’t healed in 15-18 months ANYWAY they figured trading the stud for a hoop wasn’t going to hurt it at that point, and it might help. Which it has! If I’m going to have a random earring in it while it continues to settle I’d rather it was a stud, but also…I think I’ll leave the hoop in place until at least October, because even though I really want to trade it out for a stud I also don’t want to aggravate it at what is presumably a fairly early stage of Actually Healed.

Anyway, the point of that paragraph was more or less going to be “I suspect that overall I’m going to want to choose a permanent stud for that ear hole, because I suspect it may remain delicate and it might be better to just leave one there rather than take them in and out,” but that’s also probably a problem for Future Me. I have a tiny diamond earring I bought in college when I got my 2nd piercing in my left ear that may end up being the permanent earring there, but I wouldn’t want to sleep on it, so…well, we’ll see how the whole thing heals up in the longer term.

I’m really relieved I chose not to take action when the woman in May who looked at it when it had REALLY gooed up said I had cartilage slippage and it would never heal and that I should take it out. It wasn’t that I was certain she was wrong, but it was at a really bad swollen stage right then and I’d seen it like that before and it had calmed down, so at the very least I wanted it to calm down before I made a decision about removing it. I went back in about a month later when it had calmed and they said it was still ‘moist’ (not a word you really want to hear about a wound, especially one almost 2 years old) but that there wasn’t any sign of slippage or anything, so, like, I THOUGHT SO. And now two months after THAT it has finally reached the tentative stage of Actually Healed.

Man, this was supposed to be part of my Stuff I Wanted To Do To Celebrate Turning Fifty. I planned for this 4th ear hole on the left side and to get a 3rd on the right side, and then maybe get the tattoo I’ve been thinking about for years. But I didn’t want to get the right ear pierced again until I knew if the left one was gonna heal, because I’ve never wanted a matching number of ear holes. I’ve always wanted 1 more on the left than on the right. So I couldn’t get a non-cartilage-piercing that would almost certainly heal up just fine before the damn helix one healed. So I got the left one done SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS before my birthday, ’cause that should be enough time, right? And now here I am, 51 and counting, and that piercing has only just now healed. I can still do the rest, obviously, but, like, who gets body mods to celebrate turning 52? That’s just weird, not, like, you know, a Statement or a Decisive Action or whatever. :)

[brawlqueen]

PSA. / 2024 goals !

the reason i haven't been writing a lot is i've mostly been on my OC trying to play catch up on her lore and worldbuilding. you can find her in the pinned post . also i've been planning what i want to do for mizuki for 2024, and my interest very normal love for best girl only gets better each year. i just hope to do justice by her in my own way as i figure out what i'm doing post AI1.

as i'm canon divergent and i have a few things to talk about that i'll be hoping to capture or discuss hopefully some of this year that are parts of my mizuki's canon ! so i'll try doing it in uh, the most organized way because one goal i have at least for 2024 is better blog organization . it's too late to make a sideblog for musings / etc . THINGS I'LL BE DOING THIS YEAR . - focusing on catch up. unless a thread is requested to be dropped, please message me if so, i'll be continuing it. some i will drop for my own sanity, not because i don't want to write with you again! - seasonal / holidays asks will just be holiday asks with no specific content save for people i owe, ex: bubblez' kizuna or thane's trunks, etc. why? i think mizuki deserves to celebrate the holidays or anything remotely happy because while aiba is arguably as of now her best support system, let's be real, i genuinely want to find and work on any of her relationships because she's severely lacking in support. even from 2023. i'll try to stay more on the ball for again, my own sanity this year when i reblog them. - i will be writing my version of post-canon mizuki and child mizuki, that goes from her time before adoption from date, aka with shoko and renju which will be tagged appropriately because honestly mizuki doesn't know many reliable adult figures in her life, and it makes me very sad that she's arguably more mature than...most people save say, boss or pewter or hitomi etc. she deserves better! just because AI2 certainly isn't everyone's cup of tea, and it isn't mine in a LOT of ways, i still took stuff from it, and i don't think it's fair to halt mizuki at 12 forever just because we fairly have critique of NI / AINI and not let her grow up and experience a hopeful future and more bonds to fill the huge hole in her heart. let her be happy is the goal !

now i'm working on mizuki's post canon verse, as i've restarted aitsf 1 to move to aitsf 2, where i'll take a few things that i won't likely budge on unless you meet me halfway !

the verse title for anything post-canon and generally for 18 year old mizuki / teen mizuki or post explosion mizuki will be this verse tag!

__ 𝐕; 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍*ೃ༄ not compromising with just this; i'm taking back all the happiness i lost.

__

now onto her post canon details i do have figured out.

mizuki and aiba are partners. one thing that's consistent is through her time with date, that can still be a thing because they ARE a family, albeit i feel estranged granted the resolution route is canon, so mizuki never really got to bond with him, get her aphonia cured, vice versa, is aiba's care through time in his eye socket appreciating the girl's strength and endurance and intelligence in both games. you can have more than one partner, and until / if we have another game and mizuki possibly gets another partner and i debate the chemistry, aiba is mizuki's partner and aiba is generally mostly with mizuki, but that doesn't mean she isn't with date too. she can love more than one person. and both dates are equally dear to her.

mizuki was still experimented on until 3 years old at horadori institute, albeit she has blurry memories at best, and i debate if she should fully remember! one factor of her godlike superhuman strength. but she also is trained in most japanese martial arts she can get her hands on! she is NOT a clone of bibi, bibi doesn't exist whatsoever despite me enjoying her personality, even if i felt it was made to mimic mizuki herself, if others who have muses with canon bonds to bibi, please talk to me so we can plot it out if you keep her as part of your canon ! as long as we meet halfway i'm more than happy to work with you !

mizuki is still a rookie detective and psyncer at ABIS. in my canon, she actually looks to ryuki, also new, but older for advice and i like to think as dual protagonists that they should have been, they get to do some cases together! only if a ryuki is willing of course.

for now, she's working on small to medium cases with aiba. the explosion still happened that took her vision clean out. she does this because of the gruesome history she has, not wanting others to suffer the same kind of unimaginable trauma she has with both biological parents murdered in various means and i'm still debating whether tearer even exists. he likely will, and if people also have the other culprit's actions in their canon, please talk to me too and i'll work together with you on that !

mizuki still runs lemniscate and sunfish pocket. she doesn't have the heart yet to really let go of her neglectful biological father's companies, even if he didn't care for her in a way she needed. in time, i'll see how she feels about this, as i do plan for mizuki to continue her education, as the girl is extremely intelligent.

mizuki is still best friends with iris, but my mizuki also considers amame and kizuna two of her really close friends, but they aren't a sister to her like iris is. they're certainly caring of her, and she'd protect them with her life, but she isn't as close to them as iris, and all of them do hang out together from what i've seen.

my mizuki is a lot more skeptical for the kizunas out there, of lien. she isn't comfortable with his advances towards one of her best friends and generally is a lot more protective. that said, it's all according to people who write kizzy. naturally she's fiercely protective of iris, who now is someone who works for her too as the president of an entertainment company.

my mizuki comes from the MIZUKI ROUTE in terms of character development but NOT THE PLOT EVENTS . iris is not inhabited by so sejima. date and mizuki DO bond like a father and daughter. date unless a date talks to me, DOES cure her aphonia or it's hitomi herself like canon because hitomi is the mom she deserves imho. but i tend to take away the development of her character and their relationship otherwise i feel the date family bond is....pretty estranged or mizuki is MUCH more doubtful of date caring for her at all granted the routes and how she tends to get overlooked a lot.

basically i want to as one of i'm sure other mizuki-mun's, give her my best in my own way, at my own pace !

and those are my goals as i replay the games (again!) . i hope to keep developing mizuki and thank you for being so patient with me as always, everyone ! also kinda sorry for the long post but it was all necessary !

[ireneswanyu]

Reflecting on my 2nd year of celebrating pride:

I basically knew I was asexual since I was 15.

But like some aces I thought that that can't be and I need to fix the "problem" I thought exited within me.

Probably, I thought that I just enjoy being young and not having a care about crushes or wasn't interested in commitment (I was a teenager, duh.) and that will happen like after turning 18-20.

And guess what? 😂

18, 20, 22, 25 nothing happened. No sparks.

I was living alone, loving my independence. I never felt like inviting anyone over. People were just people to me. I started pressuring myself to take action about it, thinking I was the problem.

Guess what? I ruined my mental health 😂

If I could give you one advice today is that if you are actually fine, don't start saying to yourself you're not, cause your brain will believe it, and then you'll have to unlearn the pattern.

You are not broken, darling.

Don't make yourself sick over nothing. Okay? :)

So, it took me sometime to unlearn the pattern completely. In fact, my mental health was much better than ever before and I'm so grateful for that because each year I feel better about myself and my life.

I think self acceptance is key. I'm surprised at how low anxiety I have, how resilient I am and overall confidence. I'm not even talking about asexuality here.

I only started thinking about my asexuality seriously about little over 2years.

I had no clue asexuals were considered queer😂

This year, I started reading and interacting more with queer communities, especially the ace and aro community.

I love how much one can change within a year.

I'm so happy that I now have one lovely ace friend online.

(I'm such an introvert, I'm surprised I made one friend 🤭 it's like when komi-san was befriended by tadano)

And I know things are getting better for me all the time. Life has given me way more opportunities than in the past and I love that my world got bigger after a dark and chaotic period.

For what's ahead of me, I don't know and I'm not scared. I would love to have more ace friends in the future though and I'm still looking forward to meet greeks on the ace spectrum or meet other aces online or irl 🥺💕

That would actually blow my mind...

(image: aroace sunset nail inspo because it makes me happy + ace ring. Don't focus on my pinky, that finger refuses to behave since '95.)

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 5: A Pirate's Christmas Carol (2/2)

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t!  One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia.  A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns.  So here you go!  Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 2724

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Notes: This is the conclusion of my 2016 fic A Pirate’s Christmas carol.  At the time it was written, it was a future fic, but now that canon has disproved it, it’s more of an “alternate” fic.

Killian woke with a start, heart pounding, utterly disoriented, realizing he wasn’t in his bed with Swan curled up at his side.  After a moment, it all came back to him…his fears and insecurities about upcoming fatherhood, coming to sit before the tree and the fire so his restlessness wouldn’t wake his sleeping wife, Liam, the journey to the past.

Had it really happened?

Surely not.  Likely his sleep addled brain had conjured an elaborate dream, seeking relief from the anxiety.

The thought was sad, somehow.  How he would have loved to spend another hour in Liam’s presence, even if his brother was naught but a ghost.

Deciding it would be best to return to bed, Killian got to his feet.  It was then that he noticed the other presence in the room.

Henry stood still and silent in the corner near the Christmas tree.  He stared, unblinking, merely taking Killian in.  It was unnerving as hell.

“Henry, lad,” Killian said slowly.  “I didn’t see you there.  Did you…did you need something?”

The lad shook his head slowly, and then finally spoke.  “It wasn’t a dream, Killian.  You know that, don’t you?  It truly happened.”

Killian took an involuntary step backward.  There was something eerie about this conversation.

“Uncle Liam, I mean,” Henry continued.  “He came to help you overcome your fears, and so have I.”

“But…I was under the belief it would be ghosts visiting me lad.”

Henry nodded.  “Indeed.  Henry lies sleeping peacefully in his bed.  I’m but a shade of your stepson.  Think of me as the Ghost of Christmas Present.”

That…made about as much sense as anything else had on this confusing night.  Perhaps Swan had been speaking literally and not merely in a figure of speech when she called Christmas Eve night a magical time.

“And have you come to show me vignettes from my present?”

Henry nodded and then smiled brightly.  “Absolutely.”

“Well then, lad, lead on.”

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

Killian first found himself standing near the window in his own bedchamber.  Bright rays of sun burst through the gossamer thin curtains and came to fall on the bed.  Emma slept on her side, a peaceful smile on her face.  Killian lay behind her, holding her to him.

As the sun continued to pour in, the Killian in the bed woke slowly and stretched.  Sitting up, he ran his hand through his hair, and then smiled down at his still sleeping wife.  A glint of mischief came into his eyes, and he leaned down, brushed her hair back from her face and began to kiss the spot on her neck he knew she particularly liked.

Standing by the window, Killian felt his face flame.  “Henry, lad.  Are you sure you wish to be privy to this?  It appears we’ve wandered into a scene not fit for a son’s eyes.”

“Relax, Killian,” Henry said with a good-natured roll of his eyes.  “You really think I would have brought you to a moment that would leave me wanting to bleach my eyes?  Yeah, I don’t think so.  Just watch.”

Killian shot him one last skeptical look, and then turned his attention back to the bed.

Emma squirmed, and then turned onto her back, eyes opening, smile firmly draped over her face.  Without a word, she reached up behind his head and brought his lips down for a long, slow kiss.  When it came to an end, Killian caressed her face, joy radiating from him like the rays of the sun.

“That was quite the way to wake up,” she said.  “Looks like someone’s in a good mood.”

“Aye,” Killian said.  “And while I’d greatly love to continue on to activities that would ensure both of us were in an even better mood, I fear your lad will be knocking soon, eager to open the gifts we left for him last night.”

“You’re probably right,” Emma said, awkwardly moving to a sitting position, her protruding belly making the movement far more difficult than it would have been otherwise.

Killian reached over and rubbed Emma’s belly, then leaned down so he could better greet his little one.

“Good morning my lad,” he said.  “I love you, and I can’t wait for the moment I may greet you properly.”

Hand still placed on Emma’s stomach, Killian jumped slightly, feeling a little foot kick him.

Emma chuckled.  “Looks like someone’s excited to hear his daddy’s voice.”

“Truly?” Killian asked, face a bit wistful.  “You think he recognizes me.”

She laughed again.  “Killian he kicks and squirms and does somersaults every time you’re around.  I think your son loves you already.”

Killian leaned down to kiss Emma’s belly, right over the spot the babe had kicked.  “I hope you’re right.  I’d never known it was possible to love someone this much—and he hasn’t even greeted the outside world.”

Emma pulled him up until she could kiss him once more.  “You’re going to be an amazing father, Killian.  You know that?”

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

The scene blurred, and Killian rubbed his eyes.  When he opened them again, he and Henry stood near the Christmas tree in their home.

“The first Christmas with the whole family at the new house,” Henry explained as Killian looked around at the Charmings, Regina and Robin (who had made a miraculous return from the dead), Roland, little Robyn and even Zelena.  (Emma had expressed reservations at inviting the greener of the two Mills sisters, but Snow had insisted, stating that if they wanted Zelena to continue on her hero path, they had to give her a chance to prove herself.)

Killian saw Emma making some last minute preparations in the kitchen, assisted by her mother, and Henry sat near the fire playing with his young step-brother and entertaining his even younger uncle…but Killian didn’t see himself in the happy family tableaux.

“Where am I, lad?” Killian asked, feeling a sense of loss at the idea that he was missing Christmas afternoon with his family.

“Don’t worry, Killian,” Henry said.  “You just went to the Jolly to check on her after last night’s snowstorm.  Oh look!  There you are now.”

Accordingly, just as the lad indicated, the front door opened, and Killian came barreling in, quickly closing the door to the winter cold.  He removed his coat and then turned to kiss Emma.

“Hey Killian,” vision Henry said, getting up and going to his step-dad.

“Merry Christmas again, lad.”

“Is the Jolly weathering the winter well?”

“She’s right as rain, my boy,” Killian said. “Nothing so prosaic as a snowstorm can disturb her.  She’s truly a marvel.”

“Cool!”  Henry said.  He continued to smile for a moment, and then suddenly began shuffling from foot to foot. 

“Is something troubling you, mate?” Killian asked, brow furrowed.

Henry averted his eyes.  “No.  Nothing’s wrong,” he said.  “I just…I was hoping I could talk to you.  You know somewhere where everyone isn’t watching.”

“Of course.  You are aware you can always talk to me about anything on your mind, are you not?”

“Yeah, I know,” Henry said.

The two stepped through the door to what used to be the creepy Dark One cellar—now turned into a comfortable man-cave, as Emma called it.  The visitor Killian and his guide Henry followed their other selves; somehow Killian knew this conversation was precisely what guide Henry wished him to see.

“Now, what’s this about, lad?” Killian asked as soon as they were assured their privacy.

“It’s just…” Henry began awkwardly.  He turned away, reached into a satchel Killian hadn’t realized he’d been wearing.  After a moment of shuffling, he pulled out several pages.

“A new story for your storybook, lad?”

“Yeah,” Henry said.  “Well…more for your storybook.  Yours and moms.  I’m gonna give you guys the start of the book for Christmas, but…I don’t know…I wanted to give you this story separately.”

Killian took the pages and looked over them.  “Our story,” he breathed softly.  “You wrote of the difficult times we’ve just overcome—from your mother becoming a Dark One, to her confrontation with the hooded figure.”

“Yeah,” Henry confirmed.

“But why did you feel the need to pull this story out in particular, and why did you wish to give it to me privately?”

Henry looked anywhere but at Killian, his shuffling and squirming beginning again in earnest.  “It’s just…I wanted to say thank you.  I mean, these last few months have been really, really hard, and you’ve always been there for me, even when you were scared for mom too.  So, yeah.  Just…thanks for being the best step-dad out there.”

Killian felt the familiar rushing sensation, and the next thing he knew he was back in his living room in the middle of the night.

Killian felt a suspicious lump in his throat as he watched the scene play out.  “Do you really think that way about me, Henry?” he asked in a small voice.

“Of course!” Henry said with a smile.  “And that’s why you have nothing to worry about.  All you have to do to be a great dad is to love your children, and you do.  You really do.  My little brother is going to be a lucky kid.”

“I hope you’re right, mate,” Killian said, allowing hope to fill his heart and almost—not quite but almost—push away the fear.

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

When Killian woke the next time, he looked around eagerly, wondering which familiar face had shown up to guide him this time.

He found himself peering into the face of a stranger.  He was tall and handsome with straight, black hair and familiar green eyes.  Killian was quite sure he’d never met the man before, but there was a definite air of familiarity about him.

“Would you happen to be the Ghost of Christmas future?” Killian asked carefully.

“That I am,” the man said.  “I’m here to show you a Christmas from your future.”

“Pardon mate,” Killian said, “but who might you be?”

The man smiled, a secret smile that Killian couldn’t quite understand.  “For the moment, you can simply call me Charles.”

“Very well, Charles,” Killian said, feeling somehow both eager and hesitant to see the future visions this man had to show him.  “Lead on.”

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

The first thing Killian noticed when the room stopped spinning was himself and Emma sitting on the couch before the fire.  Many years had clearly passed as both of them were quite elderly, sporting snow-white hair and skin significantly wrinkled.

“She’s still beautiful, isn’t she?” Charles asked, following Killian’s gaze.

Killian let out a long, slow breath.  “My Emma is gorgeous, and she no doubt will be until the day she dies.”

Charles rolled his eyes good-naturedly.  “The two of you have always been so romantic and in love it’s almost disgusting.”

“You’ve known us long?” Killian asked, curious about the identity of this guide.

“All my life,” came the cryptic reply.

“In what capacity?”

Charles shushed him, pointing toward the front door of the Swan-Jones home. 

After a quick knock, the door was opened and a woman entered; a woman Killian didn’t recognize—but he didn’t need an introduction.  The lass was the spitting image of Swan at the time he met her.  This must be…couldn’t be anyone else but…their daughter.

Killian felt the tears come to his eye as his lovely daughter rushed forward and hugged first Emma and then him.

“Eva!” Emma said.  “You’re here!  You actually made it!”

“Surprise!” she said. 

“What happened, love?” Older Killian asked, joy suffusing every inch of his face.  “You told us you were required to work over the holiday.”

“I couldn’t do it, Papa!” she said.  “I know how much Christmas means to you.  To both of you.  I rearranged my schedule and took the first flight I could get into Storybrooke.  I couldn’t stand to be anywhere but at home for Christmas.”

Older Killian hugged his daughter once more, a single tear tracing its way down his wizened cheek.  “You couldn’t have given me a greater gift, little love.”

The living room blurred, and when it came back into focus, Killian noticed that the evening had turned to night and Eva was joined by a whole houseful of new—and familiar—faces.  Killian noticed a middle-aged Henry, seated next to a similarly aged Violet.  Several children played, running and chasing each other in the far corner of the room.

Killian continued to scan the scene, smiling as Eva and Emma sat talking and laughing together.  He saw himself with a tiny boy on his lap…and sitting next to them was none other than Charles.

“Papa!” the tiny boy said, turning toward Charles, “Grandpa told me a story!  An exciting one about when he was a pirate!”

“Did he now, Liam?” Charles said, ruffling the boy’s hair.  “Grandpa has all kinds of exciting tales to tell.”

“I know!” Liam said.  “He said he’d tell me the one about the beanstalk and the giant and his first ‘venture with Grandma.  He’s the best Grandpa ever, isn’t he, papa?”

Charles put a hand on older Killian’s shoulder.  “That he is, Liam.  My dad is the best father and grandfather I know.”

Killian gasped, turning to look at his guide with new eyes.  “You’re…you’re my son?”

Charles grinned.  “The very same.  You haven’t officially met me yet, but I’ll be born in just over a month.”

The emotions rose up and nearly overwhelmed Killian.  This man, this happy, well-adjusted man with a loving wife and a beautiful son was the first child born of his and Emma’s love.  “So…I didn’t fail you, lad?”

“Look around you, Papa,” Charles said, gesturing at the happy, if slightly chaotic, sight around him.  “Look at the family you and Mama built.  This is hardly failure.  This is just about the greatest example of success I could imagine.  I wouldn’t have traded my life with you and Mama for anything in any of the realms.”

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

“Killian?”  He woke slowly, feeling a gentle shaking of his shoulder.  “Killian, are you alright?”

Swan.

He smiled, reaching for her and pulling her in for a quick kiss.  “Aye, love.  I’m quite fine.”

Killian looked around, noticing the first soft rays of the sun beginning to peek through the front windows.  “What day is it, Swan?”

She gave him a strange look.  “Um…well it was Christmas Eve when we went to bed last night, so that makes today Christmas.  That’s how these things work.”

“So they did it all in one night,” he muttered to himself, thinking of his three ghostly visitors and all the many places—and times—he’d seen.

“What?” Emma asked.  “Killian, are you sure everything is okay?  I woke up and you were gone, and your side of the bed was cold.  It’s not like you to leave our bed in the middle of the night.”

Killian smiled tenderly at her, caressed her cheek and pulled her in for another long, slow kiss, his hand caressing her belly.  When the kiss came to an end, he pulled away only far enough to press his forehead to hers.  “I was afraid,” he admitted.

Emma started and pulled away.  “Afraid?  Of what?  Don’t tell me we have a new villain in town!  It’s Christmas!  Can’t they at least wait until after the holiday to make our lives hell?”

Killian chuckled.  “Calm yourself, love.  Nothing like that.”  He rubbed her belly once again.  “We’ve only a month yet before this little one comes, love, and I suppose I feared my ability to be the father our son deserves.”

“Killian…” she said gently, but he stopped her with a raised hand.

“Don’t worry love,” he said.  “Last night my fears were put to rest, thanks to some very persuasive guests.”

“Well this sounds like it will be quite the story.”

“Indeed,” he admitted, getting to his feet, “suppose I tell you the entirety of it as I make you a Christmas breakfast?”

NEXT CHAPTER-->

[pintsizemama]

City Sidewalks

Day 30

Daddy Dave ‘verse

Welcome to the 2022 Christmas Writing Challenge!

Summary: You and Dave sneak away to NYC for New Year’s.

Pairings: Dave York x Reader (female), Dave York x You

Fandom: The Equalizer 2

Rating: Mature 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 689

Warnings: infidelity, Daddy/baby girl relationship, age gap…let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: This takes place after Christmas Carols. And this is obviously subjective. I happen to find NYC gorgeous and charming in the winter and at Christmas time…I’m sure there are many who would disagree. 🤣

Day 29 Day 31 Christmas Masterlist Series Masterlist Main Masterlist AO3 Join my taglist

You shivered as an ice cold breeze swept through you. Dave noticed and pulled you into his side to help keep you warm.

“It’s so cold,” you murmured.

“Yeah,” Dave agreed. “It’s not usually this cold…it’s going to be a harsh winter.” You shivered again. Your parents had returned from their trip late on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning was spent opening presents you couldn’t care less about. Your parents still believed if they bought you things, you’d be happy. Parents who gave a shit about you would make you happy.

After presents you had all gotten dressed and headed over to the York’s house for Christmas dinner. It was something you did every year, though this year was a bit more awkward. Well, every year was awkward due to the inappropriate crush you had on Dave for so long, but this year was especially uncomfortable now that you were having an affair with him. Dave had pulled you into the guest bathroom while everyone was distracted to kiss you, then invite you to New York for New Year’s Eve. You had to contain your squeal of excitement, and immediately agreed. So, after Christmas, you told your parents you were going to New York with some friends from school to celebrate the New Year. They barely even reacted and told you to have fun.

“I’m so glad we did this,” you said happily.

“Me too, baby girl,” Dave replied. “After getting you all to myself last weekend, I got addicted. Needed to get my next fix.” You laughed and hugged him closer. He had booked a swanky hotel overlooking Times Square. Neither of you wanted to venture out tomorrow on New Year’s Eve since it would be insanely crowded, so Dave made sure your hotel room had a perfect view of the ball drop. You had decided today was a good day to explore the city and look at all the Christmas decorations still on display in all the store windows.

“The city is so beautiful at Christmas,” you mused. It had snowed a few days before, so it was a literal winter wonderland.

“Ive always loved New York,” Dave said, “but it’s even better this time of the year.” You walked a bit further and then stopped in your tracks outside the Tiffany’s store. The window display had you mesmerized. It was breathtaking. It was a miniature scene of decorating a Christmas tree. The iconic Tiffany chandeliers surrounded it. A gorgeous solitaire engagement ring sat on a small chair in front of the tree. You couldn’t take your eyes off it. Dave pressed himself up against your back and wrapped his arms around your waist. He snuggled his head next to yours to look at the display.

“One day,” he said softly, “when I can do it safely, I’m going to divorce Carol and put that ring on your finger, baby girl.” You sucked in your breath. Dave had never really discussed a future with you before.

“Really?” You whispered.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I told you. love you. You’re mine, baby girl, and one day the whole world will know it.” You turned in his arms.

“I love you too,” you whispered. He kissed you sweetly.

“Let’s go in,” he decided.

“Now?” You asked, pulling back in surprise.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I’m buying you that ring tonight.”

“Dave!” You gasped.

“I’m serious,” he said in a low voice. “You’re mine. Forever. I want that ring in my possession to prove to you I mean it.” You blinked away tears.

“I never thought you’d want that with me,” you said in a small voice.

“I want everything with you,” he said simply. “Marriage, a house, kids, a future. I just have to keep playing this part until it’s safe for me to make the changes I need to…you know my work is dangerous.” You nodded. “I won’t risk you. I have to make sure it’s safe before we start our future.”

“I understand,” you said immediately. “I can wait, Daddy.” He smiled.

“That’s my good girl,” he murmured. “Now let’s go buy you a ring.”

Day 31

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