#To clarify I am a cat enjoyer

[ser-zoras]

if Jon was cats biological son he would still be her least favorite child because hes the most like her send post

[luchicm04]

lost in the forest - part 39

Masterlist

Summary: The cat is out of the bag.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character

Tag: #lost in the forest fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 3.7k

Overall warnings: canon-typical violence, adult content, time skips, angst

A spectacular view is what greets her during that cool night in the middle of a large garden that gives her false tranquility and a deceptive view; sipping part of her hot drink sitting in a perfect seiza under the nearest tree is the only thing that calms her, away from the sight of the maids. 

Karen has been forced to complain at this point under the Daimyo’s agreement, apparently to keep up the appearance of his true objective after her excuse of presenting various shinobi topics of a possible village that he did not know Hashirama was thinking about and that according to the formal addition of the Nara clan and the two extra allies, firm foundations could be laid for a ninja community. 

Scandalous according to the rest of the nobles who see this as stupid while others see the usefulness of being able to hire better shinobi with so few processes. The Hyūga will show up the next day due to the initiative of this supposed village... at least it will give her more chances to get their attention again and deal with what Izuna told them. 

“You know you should not be in the middle of the garden at night.” Tobirama doesn’t scare her. The girl has gotten used to him coming and going as he pleases in these two days, although she knows he’s not the real one. He looks naturally similar... a doubt that she always carries since she learned about shadow clones. 

The benefits it would bring to her workload if she could do three more... Why don’t they use it to make the paperwork more enjoyable?, she questions mentally, blinking at the man. “I didn’t want to be inside,” the woman states, coming out of her daydream to answer her future husband just for the pleasure of it. 

Plus, he gives her a ‘don’t get too sidetracked’, typical of a paranoic shinobi. 

“Mmm... Are they bothering you again?” He is serious in his point. The bitter shinobi is aware of the problems that the faithful assistants of the Daimyo’s main wife have caused because of the spreading rumors about her as the possible lover of the infamous man. 

Something that has not been clarified and is in Shinji’s interest; the wretched leader gives her more attention so that they focus on the fact that she is a ‘lover’ than on the facade of his true plan in the shadows. 

“Not much. They’ve distanced themselves since Shinji-sama called them out,” she shrugs, unaware that she has had to change maids too many times in these two days to remember them, and that they all happen to be sent by that lady. 

Karen assumes it’s a plot that, if it weren’t for the Daimyo’s protection, it would be difficult to deal with... Living among women is very hard. 

“I am glad to hear that. Just tell me if something happens...” 

“I’ll tell you,” the woman rolls her eyes at her fiancé’s exaggeration. “By the way... will you be done soon?” She changes her last words subtly to English at the thought of being overheard by any of the people around. She doesn’t have guards as such, but there are helpers and the garden, although huge, could have listeners. 

Karen had never felt so unsafe... and she hadn’t even lived in a safe country per se. 

Ironic. 

“I do not know,” the man admits, sticking with the foreign language causally. 

The woman frowns at this comment. “You don’t know, or you don’t want to tell me?” 

“...” Tobirama stands like a statue at her side. 

“...It’d be good if you consider sharing stuff with me once in a while, you know? It’s annoying to be oblivious to everything that happens with my escorts.” Irritated, she takes a sip of her drink without losing the rhythm and elegance forced in her bones; her native language flows naturally and quite casually. 

He just snorts without showing anything on his face, but she can almost see the glint in his eyes that she ignores. “It is a shinobi matter. I do not think it is of your interest.” 

“You are my companions... sometimes I feel alone about that, though,” she growls unwillingly remembering how much it frustrates her that they don’t confide in her. “I’m not asking for secrets... just something, like... it's going well, we’re almost done, or it’ll take a little longer.” 

The albino looks at her. “It has taken a while...” 

“Do you think you’ll be back tomorrow?” 

“No.” 

“Uh... did it get complicated?” 

“A bit,” the shinobi comments critically and reluctantly. 

She shrugs, less annoyed by such a brief summary of his daily life. “Okay.” 

“Are you worried?” 

“Of course. You are my comrades.” 

The albino doesn’t say anything else. “If the clone explodes... that will mean something is happening,” the man simply admits. 

“Explode?” Karen blinks hard imagining the worst-case scenario. She stays quiet to sigh, leaving her with the doubt in her mind. 

“Hashirama has sent a report,” he comments returning to the local language, changing the subject without answering her. He could have at least given her some clues as to what exactly he means by explode, she thought to herself; she supposes it’s not the same for someone who hasn’t seen action movies. 

The girl sighs and sips her tea, remaining spontaneous at the mention of the clan leader. “Did he?” 

“The Nara, Akimichi and Yamanaka have begun to settle down.” 

“So soon?!” She frowns at the urgency of this. Only yesterday she was informed of the confirmation of said clans’ move and the blatant use of the possible village in the meeting with the nobles in front of the Daimyo. A hot topic she has been weighing since she read this in a letter the day before. 

“We are shinobis,” the man reminded with no kindness as if it were the most obvious answer. 

“Uh... I know, but it seems too soon considering how long it took the Uchiha and Senju to do so.” 

“They left that same day to see the area,” Tobirama recalls at that casual point in the story before settling into the new land. 

The construction and every problem they went through for the adaptation; even now, it is something difficult to overcome. 

“Besides, the Nara clan is a natural strategist. They see the usefulness of moving as soon as possible,” the albino continues his explanation lightly. 

“Yes, Hashirama told me when we saw the contract.” 

“Hm.” 

“Well... I suppose when we get back, we’ll see progress.” She feels excited about some kind of change around her and meeting new people who, although shinobi, she is curious to contact. Plus, the dealings with the leaders of those clans were mostly carried out by Hashirama himself. 

She has never seen them face to face. 

As if guessing her emotion, Tobirama adds with no casualness in his tone, “They are shinobi. You do not have to trust them easily.” 

“I know they are shinobi, just... the more people around, the more different perspectives there are,” the woman admits with an audible pout. “What are they like?” She’d rather ask now before being surprised by things that are so normal for them, like when she first saw Madara’s red eyes or Hashirama’s wood. 

Even the red eyes and white hair of her fiancé were once to be feared, in those days of dark adaptation... when she was somewhat foolish. 

“...” Tobirama blinks hard. 

“Come on... do they have blue hair? ...Or striking purple?” She remembers the colorful hues of some characters that her sister was a fan of, about that story whose name she doesn’t remember well. Knights of the... something. The man rolls his eyes. 

“Not here,” he states not being subtle, just when one of the maids has the courage to interrupt their conversation. She looks pale, a little distraught; although she had noticed before the line between shinobi and civilians, it is so noticeable now how terrified they are of Tobirama. 

She sighs and casually stands up, being helped by the shinobi who shoots out his hand to support her up. “Thank you,” she calmly accepts, watching the girl fidget on her spot. “Do you need something, Shumire-san?” she asks, recalling the name of said helper. Or is it Tanako? 

“I-I am Akane, ma’am?” the maid corrects bowing her head mannerly, not avoiding glacing at her fiancé who snorts to give an ‘I’ll be around’ gesture that Karen doesn’t question. Both he and Izuna remain hidden, taking advantage of their fame to not socialize or deal with simple civilians. 

“Oh, pardon my mistake,” the woman says belatedly, taking a step forward and ignoring the girl¡s tension and her squeal of surprise at her friend’s disappearance. It’s been a while since she saw that reaction, although she doesn’t remember very well if she got just as scared. 

Those days were hollow, so she just tries to forget... she has no desire to deal with this shock. 

Because she hasn’t dealt with this many civilians before... not for a long time. 

──

The meeting of the nobles is early; they gather at 9 sharp in a fairly large room at the end of the hall where she is staying. Karen walks with her head held high despite the evil looks of various high-born men who whisper, not at all pleased, giving her dramatic and lustful glances that she tries to ignore. 

No one makes physical contact, nor has anyone attempted to approach her since the Daimyo casually mentioned her engagement to the infamous white assassin, a respectable whinobi whose fame, although bloody, caused her to be taken seriously. 

It’s not like he asked Tobirama to kill whoever bothered her... However, Shinji was casual in subtly stating that he would do it, including his sufficiently irritated wife. 

A threat as firm as his position within the council, despite the coup that is surely brewing under the shadow of some hypocritical ally. Still, Karen sits right next to the imposing man who smiles softly at her with a “good morning”. 

“Good morning.” The only woman in the meeting responds to the Daimyo and then looks at the rest of the chamber, who twist their mouths at her normal greeting. “Where I come from, it is polite to greet back,” she says with disappointment without paying attention to the bitterness of the other men, of which very few speak back. 

They are surely the ones who have a better perception of her... other than the simple whore who rose by means of her body. 

Scandal. 

“Do not worry, they have manners... they are just not in the mood today,” Shinji mocks with a solid look at the others, who tense up at the not-so-firm threat of a leader capable of executing if he deems it prudent. 

The girl has heard it from the few assistants who come close; how infamous he can be even though he has only shown her a diplomatic and mischievous side, but she has learned these days that not for nothing he is the leader of this country. 

“I imagine,” Karen agrees to look at the scrolls on her desk, thus beginning the easy meeting between political, economic, diplomatic and social issues that she easily maneuvers through with the little she has learned, standing out as always for her way of handling the topic that is only managed by men. 

A foolishness of Shinji... to keep the cover of his goal of keeping her with him. 

And not to unravel what is hidden under their noses... 

──

Toshiba is the second cousin of the current leader. A shy boy who gives her blushing glances when he tries to approach her about complicated matters they addressed at the meeting. Shinji gives him a careful gesture... she sees that in his eyes he always reflects confidence from some story they both share from the past. 

Very few receive that type of look from him, even though he works alongside one of his half-brothers, one who survived a purge years ago, just when he was promoted to Daimyo; a family/political drama that she knows about briefly, without detail since she is a foreigner. 

“I-I...” the boy tries with slight hesitation just as he stops her at the exit with several scrolls in hand and a series of exaggerated motions that a child of his age should not have, much less in the nest of vipers that is this place. 

“You can speak naturally,” the civilian doesn’t scold him but comments while standing up to her full height despite the difference in centimeters. 

He blinks for a few seconds in amusement, putting aside his shy appearance a little, which makes her arch her eyebrow at this brief shadow that he shows. “W-well, I wanted to know about the financial topic you mentioned... Does it have to do with the economy?” 

“It does,” the woman accepts. Ehen the subject was introduced in the meeting, some were fascinated because of the ease with which she explained it and presented the benefits within the process that is carried out among civilians. Others dismissed it when they saw the example in the shinobi village... Something that she is sure she can share, and it is not off-limits. 

Just like diplomacy and shinobi stuff, finance is naturally exposed when there’s an economy, so there’s no secret to it. 

“So... if finances are managed by farmers, merchants and the soldiers themselves... can stability be achieved?” 

“Of course. As long as there is no external issue that harms it,” Karen states with ease, keeping her hands hidden under the large sleeves of her elegant yukata, one that she brought by chance that was mysteriously supplied to her. 

She is sure Tobirama is aware of the deficiency of her clothing, something he has begun to realize in light of her own role as a cover... The man is remarkably efficient. 

A positive thing for the woman who smiles at the look of the person who questions her. “You know, Toshiba-san, you do not have to doubt too much and ask ahead. I am just a servant of this advice,” she clarifies before her position which, although subtle, stays intact. 

“I-I... Well, I know you possess a lot of knowledge. I would like to debate some terms.” The man stands firm, his eyes showing a rare flame that is reflected in his docile appearance. 

“I do not think so, Toshiba-kun.” Shinji squeezes his shoulder at the highly motivated younger relative. “Her fiancé is very jealous of having his wife with a man... in her room.” 

“I did not say in her room!” The blushing cousin raises his hands, throwing away part of the scrolls due to such a mischievous comment from said leader. She understands that there is an etiquette that she must maintain as a noble lady, so she bows. 

“I apologize, but I do not think it is possible to meet with you, Toshiba-san. And, Shinji-sama, do not bother your relative with threats of that kind,” the woman sighs elegantly, arching her eyebrow at the leader who approached from where he was arguing with some guards regarding security. 

A flourishing topic due to the raids that are beginning to take place. 

“Oh, not at all... I just do not want my adorable cousin to end up missing,” the Daimyo shrugs. “Because I will not get you involved if Tobirama-san defends your virtue.” 

Karen wants to hit herself in the face for such a shameless comment. It is obvious that he lost her decency a few days ago when he started talking freely, but it is her fault for giving him that confidence in exchange for his favor towards the possible shinobi village, causing a laugh to come out of the amused leader. 

She doesn’t want to get too involved, so she bows to say goodbye at the initiative of doubts on the part of her benefactor’s relative. She sighs... unaware that she has caught the attention of those shadows and whose leader was closer than she expected... noticing from afar how the eyes of Shinji’s half-brother were looking at her. 

Coincidence? She doesn’t know... It’s better to remain oblivious and innocent of knowing that something is going on under the darkness of this brilliant country. 

Karen thinks positive. 

──

Her heart was in an uproar just as she had been talking casually to Tobirama that night and he had dramatically exploded into a smoke bomb that made her cough loudly with terror in her eyes from remembering her fiancé’s words. 

‘If the clone explodes... that will mean something is happening.’ 

Which makes her get up just in time to look around at that door that opens onto the beautiful view of the garden. She feels attentive; her heart is still racing even though minutes have passed since her partner’s clone disappeared. She has a lump in her chest at the sight of nothing happening. 

Nevertheless, she has a presentiment... just as the door is opened. 

“Akane-san?” she questions when she sees a woman speeding through the door. Her clothes are somewhat disheveled and her frightened eyes search for her. “What’s going-” She doesn’t finish asking when a warm blood stain crosses her face. 

She stays in shock, standing in the middle of the room, wiping her face of the crimson color of the young girl who falls headlong like a sack of potatoes. “Well... I am glad to see you here,” someone calls just as they come out from behind the back of the body of the girl who she had previously seen alive. 

“Toshiba?” There are no suffixes. Karen looks still without completely thinking about what she has just witnessed... She saw someone die for the first time! And the knot in her stomach falls so hard that it makes her blink more times to recover. It is so different from what happened in the Senju compound when they tried to invade them. 

“Ho... I see you remember my name.” Infamous and without any signs of his typical kindness, the boy takes her chin with a half-smile. When did it come to this? Why is she surrounded by samurai and shinobi? Where did they come from? 

She has so many questions... but they are all stuck in the shock that remains unwashed... She saw someone die! Her mind is in chaos. 

“I think now... you are the shy one,” the Daimyo’s cousin mocks quicky, caressing her cheek without subtlety. “Tell me... do you prefer your life to your position?” 

“What do you mean?” Karen comes out of her stupor, hitting the hand of the one who shamelessly mocks her despite being pointed at with a kunai. Her gaze is fixed, angry... pissed off! “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!” 

“Wow... now, you are the woman who surprised me. Answer me this... Is it true that if I kill you, that shinobi will come?” The Daimyo’s relative laughs. “It has been problematic dealing with them...” He looks at his nails, giving the silent order to arrest her. 

The girl feels the samurai at her side tighten his grip on her waist as the kunai is replaced by a katana that pierces her neck just inches away from cutting it. She gulps, sweating coldly; she is now sure they are not planning on selling her... 

Karen doesn’t say anything. Toshiba just cackles. 

“I suppose your stupidity is because of the idea that you will be saved... but, you know, you should not trust the shinobi. They are treacherous and sell themselves for the higher bidder,” the insolent man points out to those around him. Ninja who show nothing on their faces with various clothes and appearances that seem exotic. 

Although she is sure they are not Uchiha, Uzumaki or Senju. 

“What do you think?” He has the nerve to run his index finger across her cheek again and end up on her cleavage. “Will he come?” he chuckles just to look beyond her clothes where her chest rests unsettled. “It is a shame that you have already been defiled by one, but I will not get bored if I have fun with you... right?” 

If it weren’t for the fact that the atmosphere became tense in seconds with an essence and the thunder of the ground for a few seconds, it would be another story. However, she takes advantage of the carelessness to do something crazy with the little training she might have had. Karen feels a cut on her neck... the scream of Toshiba from behind ordering her to be caught. 

But the followers don't catch her... Something stops them just as the building that had previously housed her explodes behind her, falling directly into something warm... She gets scared, tries to flee but the stranger takes her by the arms with a firm gesture. “Calm down,” he orders with a hoarse voice that she didn’t think she would feel so much relief upon hearing. 

The girl opens her eyes and stops kicking to see those red eyes that, although tired and beaten, give her the best flat gesture that makes her almost cry. She hugs him... she doesn’t avoid doing it when she thought the worst as it happened in a short time. “There is no time for this.” As always, breaking the moment, the man sighs to take her and jump away of what would be several kunai. 

“Hey asshole! I know you’re relieved to see her, but it would be nice if you could help me!” Izuna shouts from somewhere in the beautiful courtyard just to feel the pull in the air. There’s wind... She tries not to scream because of the speed with which they move in complicated movements that would be difficult to describe as she can’t see but imagines by the many unexpected turns. 

She wants to throw up. 

“Karen... close your eyes and bear with it,” Tobirama orders to cling to her form. She doesn’t complain about his tone, much less the way he grabs her, because she knows it’s not the best time to ask stupid questions... The woman swallows hard. 

“Y-yes,” she encourages herself to say to do what was indicated seconds apart since this is not the best experience, and no roller coaster compares to this. 

For a civilian... being in the middle of a battle is not the most essential thing, nor the historical value of witnessing a coup d’état of this magnitude. 

A/N: As you can see, this has already exploded; a very difficult thing to guess when they believed the real ringleader was someone else. At least Tobirama arrived in time given how annoying his fiancée is by calling the attention of the leader of the coup... Ironic, since she is a simple civilian, but her political courage and good head are notable. 

Izuna, on the other hand, will have plenty of material to blackmail the infamous white assassin... something he will not waste judging by the desperate way he never thought he would see his former rival. Especially when they noticed that the coup d’état had exploded right in the Daimyo’s main building. 

But what happened? Where is the Daimyo? Will they win? I don’t know... we’ll see in the next chapter. 

Thank you for your likes and comments. 

Author-chan out! 

[herooffire101]

Todays the second day of Tuggerlurina Week, Birthday! I had a more difficult time writing this, and yes, they are prewritten because of my classes for a certification and my work schedule. I have been working on them for about since Tuggerlurina week was annouced. @jelliclekay i hope that my work paid off! Here we go, enjoy!

Fuck it, let me occupy you instead of distracting you.

Bomba questioned again why she was asked to do this. “Bomba, you are the best at distracting Tugger while we set up his birthday bash.” Demeter had asked her, and Bomba tried her best to clarify why she wasn’t the right cat for this.

“Demeter, sweetie, me and Tugger can’t keep secrets from each other. He will figure out that I have to distract him. Honestly, I’m going to keep him occupied instead of distracting him” Bomba had explained, but Demeter was insistent, which is unique for her, but Bomba shrugged it off, because she was basically rushed out of the den they were setting up for his birthday bash. What kind of distraction did Bomba have in mind? One that Demeter will have to deal with when she comes running to find them. When Bomba finally got to his ‘technical’ den when in fact he lives in her official den with Jemima, but the kittens didn’t know that (except for Mistoffelees, Victoria, Jemima, and Plato), she just sauntered in and sat herself right in front of him grooming his glorious mane. “Demeter overestimates me.”

“With what?” Tugger purred, looking directly into her eyes, giving her that look that made her shiver with anticipation.

“My ability to distract you.” Bomba just directly laid it out to him.

Tugger just gave her a look. “Our friends are trying to celebrate my birthday. And they sent you to ‘distract’ me.”

“Yup.”

“The queen who is my mate and mother to our kitten.”

“Exactly.”

“They really think that I, the Rum Tum Tugger, would just crash my birthday party that I completely know about, just because of my song.” He rubbed his tail alongside Bomba’s flank, making her shiver.

“Yes.” Completely deadpan, “Why can’t they just let me celebrate you by myself and Jemima?”

“While I enjoy a good party,” Tugger started, slinking up to Bomba’s side, his mane barely touching her.

“You crashed the ball.” She reminded him, her purr sultry at the remembrance of the previous ball.

“I do quite prefer to have a quiet night in.”

“Tugger, you jump in our human’s lap to cause a horrible muddle.”

“She needs to not be knitting as much.”

“You knock her yarn ball away from her and cause a terrible game of keep a way with her.” Her eyes narrowed at him, sultry and accusing at the same time.

“Ah.” He put a finger on her lips, hushing her, and grazed her face with the side of his paw. “I am artful and knowing. You have a different thought of distracting me. Care to share, love?”

Bomba looked at him, glazing into his eyes. “I can keep you occupied.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He agreed, slowly giving in to her desire, kissing her slowly and deeply. “Want to see how far we can get?”

“Gladly.” Bomba said, giving him a razor smile, hungrily kissing him, ending up on the bed of pillows and blankets he had strewn about.

~~~~~~

Demeter sat outside of the den, blushing. “You know, this isn’t what I meant for you to distract him!”

“I said I was going to occupy him, not distract him!” Bomba hissed, coming out of the den after grooming herself back up to perfection, Tugger following with a cheeky smile. “Besides Munk, I know him the best, inside and out!”

“In more ways than one.” Tugger whispered, making Bomba whip her tail right in his face. He cackled, making Demeter groan and Bomba rolled her eyes.

‘This is what happens when you send mates to distract mates, especially true mates. You can’t keep shit from another, so you have to figure out how to work with it. For us, just accepting that I can’t distract for shit with Tugger, it came down to having an enjoyable time.’ Bomba thought as Demeter led to the den that they were using for his birthday bash. As they entered, Bomba watched as Tugger hid his knowledge of this party and, with the skill of a trained actor, showed surprise. ‘I guess that’s what you get when you are the heir of the Theater Cat.’

~~

Once I had a solid idea form, I wrote it.

[noys-boise]

annie (citc)

love how she's the only one where you clarified the source material

First impression: i dunno? i guess i was kinda indifferent towards her in the pilot but then i saw the cats jacket and something in my mind shifted once i realized "oh! broadway girlie??" and indeed she is!

Impression now: she is also really really special to me and yea broadway girlie but also i love how she encourages Caroline's hidden evil side i support women's rights but most importantly i support women's wrongs

Favorite moment: just. anytime her being in cats is mentioned tbh. but like also back in like. the beginning of season 1 she has this moment of hanging out with Richard on his birthday and also that's the same episode where Chandler fucking Bing appears and flirts with her and dare i say that entire episode is my favorite Annie moment. but yea also just. every time she torments Richard. it's highly enjoyable.

Idea for a story: she is also a key figure in my elaborate spiderman au which i will still not explain

Unpopular opinion: uh idk

Favorite relationship: her friendship with Caroline is very sweet. and her friendship with Richard is very. what's the opposite of sweet? salty? yeah that sounds right actually. either way i love both. and no i do not know how to feel about her and Del i mean it makes sense it makes perfect sense but it still feels cursed somehow

Favorite headcanon: i can't explain it (actually i can) but there's something deeply alloaro(spec) about her am i just too desperate to project onto characters? maybe.

[grayintogreen]

WIP WEDNESDAY

slides out of exile for a WIP Wednesday!

Here's another preview of the YCDHN prologue featuring a Somnovem you have met but maybe clarifies a little bit if you're still trying to guess. XD

Also if it enhances your enjoyment of this snippet, just remember that Cassia canonically looks like Judy Greer with cat's eye glasses.

CASSIA LIVIO HEAD OF ARCANE BIOLOGY (ARCANE SCIENTIST)

Cal’s voice over the intercom sent a shudder of revulsion through Cassia’s spine. His twee little speeches about his love for the city always made her want to hurl and distracted her from her work. She threw down her scalpel, unable to concentrate on her dissection with his voice blaring across the ward, and turned her head towards the ceiling along with the rest of her lab assistants, who listened in with far less irritation- some even with devotion. Ugh.

The whispers started the moment Cal said that Avalir had fallen. Cassia bit her lip. Someone probably fucked up. That Coramar-Seelie woman was always messing around with things that were better left alone. Not exactly a huge upset. Tragic for them, but for Aeor that ought to be a holiday.

When he started talking about the retribution of the gods, however she suddenly screamed “SON OF A-“ and kicked over an empty lab table, sending it scattering onto the floor with a shriek of metal that provided a perfect censoring of her swear. The other arcane biologists made a hasty retreat lest she start throwing sharp things next. It wouldn’t be the first time she used them as target practice.

She heard one of them mutter, Can you believe she’s a philosopher? With that temperament? right before vanishing around the corner. Cassia would have been fast enough to chase her down and disintegrate her but she’d done that once this week already, and Seneca was already on her ass enough without having to explain that she found personal slights to be a murderous offense.

“I am a philosopher,” she growled, framing the head of her cadaver with her palms on either side of it, just barely avoiding touching the limp mess of silver hair that splayed out around it like a corona of moonlight. Bent over, she could stare at the corpse from upside down and see the fine lines of dissection scars and arcane runes carved in the dead flesh as she sought out answers to questions that had eluded her for years, now coming to nothing.

Her philosophies had been born of a frustration with the idea of Fate-Touched and the gods picking and choosing people who might influence the future. She refused to believe it was some god-granted boon but rather something strictly biological. She’d been laughed at when she presented her arguments at the podium. Only Seneca, used to being laughed at, came to her defense and that dragged them both down. She was a Somnovem not out of a belief in the power of manifestation since it desperately spat in the face of her own belief in biology and arcane sciences, but because no one else would have her.

So she was angry, disgusted, and generally unpleasant to her brothers and sisters. The only thing that united them in her world was that no one else liked them for being fucked up assholes and not some misguided, sheep-like belief in Seneca’s dream. They could pretend all they wanted- she was honest. She couldn’t do these experiments anywhere else but in Cognouza.

Capturing Fate-Touched to prevent them from exerting the god’s wills on Exandria? Sure that was fine, but vivisection? That was the line, apparently.

She hadn’t vivisected anyone in weeks, thank you very much. She was too busy examining the arcane properties of the organs right now. Fascinating stuff- especially in the Aasimar, which Cal absolutely loved.

She liked making that slender glowbug fuck cringe.

But if the gods were really retaliating then that meant that things were popping off. Aeor spat in the faces of the gods too often for it to not be an easy target and Cognouza… Well, everyone knew from the start where Cognouza would end up once Augusta’s fucking machine started working.

If it worked and they didn’t end up dead with the rest of the idiots in the Genesis Ward who thought they could actually kill the gods, though part of her sort of hoped they could. What would a god look like under a knife?

She breathed in, exhaled, and found the whole process wanting. Valerius always told her to try breathing exercises- keeps the dragon down, he told her. She told him not everyone was a scaled freak and watched his nostrils smoke. Making him mad was a thrill.

If Augusta’s machine did work… Fuck.

“What the fuck is a biologist going to do in the Astral Sea?” She shouted, her shrill voice echoing across the empty lab. The only person who could answer her was the cadaver she was leaning over and it couldn’t even tell her exactly which organ was the most potent. She needed time for that… Time she didn’t have.

“Lucky bastard,” she said, leaning over the corpse like she was about to press a kiss of benediction onto its preserved flesh. “You missed the apocalypse.”

She snapped her fingers and the arcane lights in the lab dimmed to nothing as she swept out into the hall.

Before she could be anything else- biologist, philosopher, or otherwise- she had to be a member of the Somnovem and that meant cooperating with the assholes and their dreams made flesh.

Well. Maybe if they managed to make their dreams literal flesh there was something she could do anyway.

[internerdionality]

Wow that sounds so interesting! Especially for stats-motivated authors. Have you noticed any trends?

(Note, responding to previous answer here.)

I do want to clarify that I’m not stats-motivated, so much as I struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria and time perception (yaaayy, ADD), and the stats help me cope with that.

Absolutely no judgment on people who are stats-motivated. It’s just for me, it’s not so much that I am writing for praise or recognition, much though I like those things, as that without those things I become quickly convinced that my writing is shit and no one likes/will like it, which makes it much less enjoyable to keep writing, no matter how much *I* like it.

I actually have this tendency to get actively annoyed at my most popular fics sometimes, because  they’re always getting attention that I wish would go to whichever fic I am basing my ego in this week. 😂 Basically my brain is a bag full of judgemental cats.

ANYWAY, trends. Not really? I have published less than 30 different works in the last three years, in a variety of fandoms, so that makes it hard to draw conclusions beyond the most basic like multi-chapter fics do better overall than one-shots but have a worse hit/kudo ratio.

I suppose if there is one general conclusion I would draw after looking at my stats for the last three years, it’s don’t sit on things or brood too much, unless you enjoy it! This isn’t publishing. No one gives a crap about typos. The stuff that I wrote in a haze of productivity and put straight out days after watching whatever media inspired it invariably does better than the fics that I agonized over and edited multiple times and had beta’d and polished.

[impeccablebackside]

Pussy cats with pussies am I right?

Something like that anon. Particularly in context with the musical.

I should maybe backtrack a touch from my post yesterday. 'Too furry', being more extreme 'feral' content or something like beastiality (which itself is not a furry thing), is clearly a stopping point. As is mentioned in my pinned post, all thirst on this blog is about humans and not animals. Not that the monsterfuckers and their ilk are wrong with thirsting for non-human characters, just to clarify.

There is going to be an overlap where human and animal (or other) attributes get conflated, this being for any anthropomorphic characters. It admittedly does make it more difficult to navigate without sexual thoughts potentially sounding questionable depending on the person. Although, if someone has critical thinking skills and can see perspectives of others, then that is truly a null point to some extent. It becomes one of those things where fiction and non-fiction have to be taken into consideration. So long as it is reasonably justified and not real life, it is a form of sexual expression. Otherwise, there would be a lot of people (and a lot of spectacular content) in the wrong. If catgirls actually existed, would I change my tune? Well.....you could probably guess what my answer would be on that. This blog is evidence enough.

To reiterate something stated before, while I may not agree with or necessarily be comfortable with certain ways of thinking, they are the choice of another (adult) person and I should respect it as long as it does not affect me. Especially given my own thoughts with everything that has been presented here over the years that someone else may not agree with or be comfortable with. There is of course some wiggle room with dismissing things that are less favourable, but I digress. Either way, I do welcome asks and thoughts about anything on this blog, regardless of if is 'appropriate' or could be seen as morally grey. Whether or not they get answered or discussed always remains to be seen, but they are all appreciated.

This blog is purely for enjoyment separate from anything else. Cat girls are sexy, and this blog is clearly dedicated to them. Pussy cats with pussies? You are right on that anon. Bring it on.

[ardennnnn]

A new week

It's been four weeks since I arrived in Malaysia and I must say, this week has been one of my most productive yet. I was determined to focus on my studies and make the most of my time here.

I started off the week by attending all my classes and taking diligent notes. I also made sure to ask my lecturers any questions I had and clarify any doubts I had about the course material. I spent a lot of time in the library reading up on topics that were new to me and reviewing my notes to make sure I understood everything.

In addition to attending classes and studying, I also made a conscious effort to engage in group discussions and collaborations. I found that working with others not only made studying more enjoyable, but also helped me understand the material better.

I also took advantage of the resources available to me on campus. I visited the tutoring center to get additional help with challenging concepts and attended study groups organized by my peers. I even participated in a workshop on time management and organization, which was incredibly helpful in keeping me on track throughout the week.

Overall, I am proud of myself for putting in the effort to learn and grow academically. It's been a challenging but rewarding experience so far, and I'm excited to see what the rest of my time in Malaysia has in store for me.

Another week miss my cat

[thedreadvampy]

@ yoir post about why michael is scary and how you can't like him. yea, i understand why his whole character is awful but in a horror podcast the more horrible a charater is, the more exciting listening is and all of his flaws turn into upsides for me honestly. YEAH he's evil you can meet irl and that's what so great about this charater and draws ppl in. and making limbs impossibly long ect i usually just see as a fun visual that represents twisting truth in an artistic way

No I DO like him. I think he's a really good character that makes for fun and interesting conflicts and is enjoyable to listen to.

It's not that I don't think people should have fun with it or that I'm just like OH NO MICHAEL I FEEL BAD FEELINGS like. I think he's a really good character. I just feel like the way I interpret him kind of clashes with the way a lot of fandom does in that a lot of fanworks seem to lean into the fantastical elements of What's Horrifying About The Spiral and kind of take as given that he's a relatively benign kind of campy villain type. like that he enjoys pain but fundamentally is on the side of the protagonists. and as with a lot of stuff in this podcast I feel like How I Like This Character is so different from How Other People Like This Character I struggle to find any resonance in a lot of fanworks. bc to me the crunchy interesting but I like about the characters and the setting and the themes of the podcast is often the mundane normality of a lot of it.

like I like Jared Hopworth bc he's a funky meat boy who likes to make bone art. that's a very abstracted and fantastical character. but I like Michael bc he's an interesting representation of what real life trauma FEELS like, clarified and distilled into something very crunchy and human. and so I have no issue with the fact that people like to make Fun Psychedelic Angry Cat Long Boy Michaels but I don't really resonate with it bc it isn't really touching into the bit of the character I am enjoying which is. looks normal makes you feel insane in normal ways.

[metvmorqhoses]

I love that you are loving Midnight Mass lol

It is certainly both horrifically funny and thought-provoking. At times even poetic. I really appreciated the ironic and the general provocative nature of the plot, fanaticism clearly backfiring at people because of blindfolds of their own creation. It is beyond fitting, a metaphor for many aspects of life and not only singular religions.

I am one episode away from finishing it, so I don't really know if my assumptions will still be correct an hour from now, but the fact that the story doesn't really clarify if the characters are really all so caught up in their faith and illusions to the point of not recognising a freaking vampire with an evil plan or if their fanatic views are indeed ultimately right and vampires had been in truth "angels" loosely portrayed in lore all along and therefore god is a being not at all dissimilar to bloody Dracula (sign me up for that tbh), is truly riveting and something that should have been explored way more throughout the series, especially instead of dragging the first couple of episodes so much and around so little as they did.

There is one thing that kind of ruined my genuine general enjoyment of the show, however. Everything is highly unrealistic to the point of intellectually pushing you out of the story. They set the plot on an isolated island of the States, not on the moon. Vampires are pop-culture icons and have been for literal centuries. What the "angel" does is pretty stereotypical as far as vampirism goes. At first I thought it was just something that was supposed to perdure in Monsignor Pruitt’s eyes and his few fanatics because of their obstinate beliefs, yet not even one character throughout whole the series ever makes a single minimal connection. It's as if they all lived in a parallel universe in which the concept of vampires simply doesn't exist. Even the doctor who understands something abnormal is going on because the blood samples are catching fire in the sun, arrives as far as digging up obscure maladies instead of just simply jump to the most obvious conclusion. Every modern human child would have immediately understood what was going on. Am I really to believe that Monsignor Pruitt, an educated elderly priest, or the young people of the island, or adults that literally left to live on the continent to then come back, had never read a book about vampires, or seen one of the thousands adaptations of Dracula? No one? Unless in the next 30 minutes they are gonna tell me they are all under a spell that renders them oblivious to normal global culture (and even so I wouldn’t accept it as a good writing choice), everything about the show is cast in an implausible light and therefore... fails.

One other thing is even more implausible, if possible. They choose Christianity as the fanatical faith par excellance. They even put it against Islam. Nothing wrong with it, I appreciate the provocation, but what would have been the immediate, most obvious reaction of virtually every Christian of history to an evil looking creature with long claws, phosphorescent eyes and damn bat wings?

Exactly.

They should have been all crying “Devil” left and right, even before rationalising it in “vampire”, if at all. Moreover that Satan was an angel. In an average Christian person’s mind, the whole story would have immediately translated into a clear “trick of the Devil”, “the Devil is among us and wants to convince us to to terrible things”, “we are all possessed”, and so on. Christians find the Devil in so much less than an actual demon-looking creature feeding on human flesh and exterminating cats. I was expecting Monsignor Pruitt to be put at the stake and set on fire at best.

Vampire lore too, especially Dracula, is deeply intertwined with the concepts of Christian evil, the Devil, soul selling, sin, etc. Are we just going to ignore it all?

Again, the plot was supposed to be cleaver, but apparently they really didn’t think it through enough. They took plausibility away from it, while a degree of disturbing reality is in my opinion what makes the difference in fiction, especially in horror or fantasy. If you take it away, everything loses its raison d'être. It won’t scare me, it won’t make me think that much.

It’s a pity, because I loved the idea.

[crookswithbooks]

How To Seduce A Talking Cat

Day Ten - Bean helps Elfo come up with strategies on how to seduce their favorite demon and Elfo himself continues to be awkward and terrible at most everything.               

Waking up in a pool of sunlight was usually an enjoyable experience for the demon, but in the wintertime the reflections off the snow were enough that he was practically blinded when he first opened his eyes. Luci slowly uncurled from his position on the windowsill, stretching out his back. What he was not expecting was to be met with the waiting eyes of Elfo, head tilted slightly as he watched him.

Luci stifled a strangled yelp, quickly straightening out. “Okay dude, super creepy.”

“You know you look just like a cat when you sleep,” Elfo told him as the demon hopped off the windowsill. “I half expected you to start purring.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not a cat,” he grumbled, his tail curling in annoyance. “I’m a demon and I’d kill your parents for half a corn chip.”

“But you don’t like corn chips.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t get it.”

Teasing Elfo was a gamble each time. Sometimes it was as easy as calling him short and sometimes the meaning of his words flew completely over the elf’s head. “You know Elfo, it’s amazing how you’re even less fun in the morning than all the other times of the day. It’s almost impressive in a way.”

“Thank you!”

Luci scampered out the door to go find some drunk scholb to torment, grumbling something about early mornings and annoying elves.

Elfo sighed, flopping back down on the bed. Bean was curled up on her side, having passed out soundly after last night’s shenanigans. Her hair formed a tangled mat around her head and she snored quietly. There had been moments when the sight of her would have set Elfo’s heart aflutter. It still sort of did. Now though, he found his attentions were held by another, more antagonistic force.

“Have you ever been in love?” Elfo asked her distractedly, watching the doorway where Luci’s form had been moments before.

“Mmm… love…” Bean’s murmurings were almost unintelligible, her barely conscious mind slurring her words. “Warm hands… why yes I will join you in your chambers tonight…”

“Like, genuine love,” Elfo continued, oblivious to the fact that Bean was clearly not listening. “Love where you would do anything just to get them to notice you?”

“Do anything…” Bean snorted, pulling her pillow in close so that she was practically straddling the material. “You can do whatever you want to me…”

“But the thing is, the person in question’s not good for you. Like, objectively speaking, just a terrible influence and not a good person to boot. Yet all the same you can’t help falling for their infuriating charms.”

“Boots…” Bean muttered, finding herself more and more awake with every second. “Am I wearing boots in bed?” She kicked them off, groaning as she sat up.

Elfo’s eyes widened with realization. “Oh my goodness. I’m in love with Luci.”

“What?”

Elfo slid off the bed, pressing his hands to the side of his head. “I can’t believe I never realized it before. I just assumed those fluttery feelings in my stomach were hatred, but then I realized they were the same feelings I used to get when I looked at you and I just—”

“Hold up a second,” Bean interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him. This was not the kind of news you wanted sprung on you while dealing with a hangover. “You’re in love with Luci? Luci? The demon? My demon? In love?”

“I think so!” Elfo gnawed on his lip anxiously, not interpreting Bean’s distress. “I mean, now that I think about it, the signs are pretty obvious. I love hanging out with him, whenever he makes fun of me I get all hot and bothered, and sometimes when I look at him I find myself thinking he’s… cute? Like, these aren’t friend feelings, are they?”

“How long have you been in love with Luci?” Bean exclaimed, lost and bewildered at the turn the conversation was taking. “How did I miss this? And why Luci? And why you?”

“I don’t know, a couple months now,” Elfo said in answer to her first question. “At least I think so. It’s hard to pin down. I mean, I’ve always sort of felt this way, if I really track it back, but it’s only recently that I started to be fully aware of it.”

“Am I losing my touch?” Bean gasped. “My best friends were in love and I never realized. I can’t believe it.” She grabbed Elfo’s arm, momentarily pulling him out of his funk and forcing him to look at her. “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Elfo shrugged uncomfortably, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I don’t know… I was thinking I would just pine endlessly now that I know how I feel and prolong the inevitable rejection.”

“No, no, no!” It was possibly due to the seven beers she had drunk last night, but Bean found herself weirdly invested in this newfound realization of Elfo’s. She had always found it difficult to navigate her own love life so focusing on someone else’s was a welcome distraction. “You have to tell him.”

Elfo snorted, a derisive noise that shot down any possibility of acceptance. “Please. There is no way that he feels the same way. Luci’s a demon. I’m… well, me. It wouldn’t work.”

Bean folded her legs under her, gripping her hands in concentration. “There’s got to be something…” She racked her brain, digging through her hangover for ideas. After a couple minutes of her doing this and Elfo waiting unimpressed, her eyes shot open with excitement. “I got it! Mistletoe!”

“What?” Elfo frowned. “You want me to grow mistletoe?”

“No stupid.” She stood up, pacing back and forth. “You find a way to get both you and Luci under the mistletoe at the same time, and then once you’ve kissed him you can confess your undying love for him. It’ll be perfect. It always works in those books Derek is constantly reading. I only know because sometimes I use the pages to smoke drugs and accidentally catch glimpses of the words.”

“I don’t know…” Elfo said skeptically. “Who’s to say Luci will even follow the rules of mistletoe? He doesn’t seem like the rule-following type.”

Bean waved a hand, dismissing the idea before it could even take form. “He will.”

“How do you know?”

Bean didn’t answer and Elfo reluctantly followed her as she continued to go through several ideas for their plan.

A day later, Elfo sat at the table in the grand hall with a glass of beer and a stomach full of nerves. Operation Luci-Under-The-Mistletoe was ago, or LUTM as Bean has so affectionately named it. Above him was a mistletoe tied to the rafters. The beer had been Bean’s suggestion, the idea being that Luci would be unable to resist the alcohol and would be forced to sit next to him.

He had been waiting there for nearly fifteen minutes before Luci finally wandered back into the castle. He slipped in through the crack in the doorway, eyes widening as he caught sight of Elfo nervously gripping a glass of shoddy beer. “Oh. Elfo. Hey.”

“Luci!” Elfo exclaimed a bit too loudly. Now that he had named his feelings he found it harder to be around the demon without being awkward. Luci raised an eyebrow and he flushed. “Hey there... bud… how’s your day been?”

“Great. Set two children on fire in front of their parents.” Luci crawled onto the bench, far enough away that he wasn’t technically under the mistletoe. “They screamed for a long time. A couple of times the fire went out and I had to re-light it which was troublesome, but such is the sacrifices I make for art.”

“Geez,” Elfo muttered, queasy just at the thought of it. Of all the people he had to fall for, it had to be a demon. “That sounds… terrible.”

“It was,” Luci agreed dreamily.

“Hey,” Elfo said casually, twisting the bottle on the table in what he hoped was an inconspicuous motion. “I was just getting ready to down a couple of cold ones if you wanted to maybe join me?” He threw in the maybe despite himself, nerves getting the best of him.

Luci examined the cracked bottle containing clearly not cold beer. “Yeah… so, as fun as that sounds, I’m actually good. I was getting ready to go get baked and yell at people in the streets, though, if you wanted to come with me?”

“Sure,” Elfo agreed miserably, setting the bottle back down a little too hard on the table. Plan #1 was a bust, which meant it was back to the drawing board for him.

 A couple days later and Elfo sat loosely tied to the throne with a mistletoe hung directly above him, waiting for Luci to come back from breakfast. The plan now was that Luci would try to help him out and as soon as he was close enough Elfo would slip the knots and kiss him. Elfo was skeptical about the plan as it required Luci wanting to help anyone, but Bean was confident in this one so he went with it. He twisted against the chair, the hard wood digging into his back uncomfortably.

Luci’s amusement when he finally found him was unending and Elfo almost wanted to die right then and there, mistletoe be damned.

“Wow,” Luci whistled appreciatively, circling him. “Just wow. Who did you say did this to you again?”

“The kids from the village,” Elfo muttered under his breath, repeating the words Bean had instructed him to say. It was all the more embarrassing due to the plausibility of the situation. “Could you possibly help me out of here?”

“And you’re really stuck?” Luci clarified, just standing there and, more importantly, not helping him. “Like, you can’t get out at all?”

“No,” Elfo assured him in what he hoped was a convincing lie.

Luci examined him for a moment longer, clearly deciding the truth of the statement. Finally he shrugged, walking towards the still open door.

“W-Wait!” Elfo cried out in a panic, wanting to rush after him but not wanting to give away the fact that he wasn’t really stuck. “Where are you going? Aren’t you going to help me?”

“It seems like you’re really stuck in there,” Luci said over his shoulder, strolling out the doorway. “Why would I ruin such a perfect oppurtunity?”

Seconds later he was gone and Elfo slumped against the rope, defeated yet again.

 His third try was a last-ditch attempt and one that he wasn’t proud of by any definition of the word. Tied to the front of his hat was a sprig of mistletoe, making it impossible for anyone to get close to him without being in range of the plant. It was obvious and mortifying if anyone saw him—which, if Bean’s plan was to work, they would have to. Specifically Luci.

Luci took one look at him and burst into laughter, doubling over in amusement. Elfo blushed furiously, bristling at the reaction. “Oh my god, Elfo, man, this is just so desperate. What lady is ever going to want to kiss you with that on your head?”

Elfo didn’t even bother to come up with a response, ripping the hat off and throwing it to the ground. He stormed off, Luci’s laughter echoing down the halls after him.

 Eventually, Elfo was forced to resign himself to the facts. Luci didn’t want to kiss him; that much was obvious. And no amount of tricks, clever ploys, or traditional plants were going to change that. The sooner he allowed himself to accept that, the sooner he could get over the stinging phase of rejection.

He sat curled up in the windowsill of Bean’s room, the place where this whole stupid charade had begun. His knees were pulled up to his chest and in one hand he held a piece of mistletoe, glaring at it with as much hatred as he could muster.

“Stupid plant,” he muttered angrily, crushing it between his fingers. “Stupid Bean, stupid Luci, stupid feelings—”

“Are you talking to yourself again?”

He jumped at the sound of Luci’s voice. He shoved the mistletoe behind him quickly; there was no way he would be able to deal with the embarrassment of Luci catching him holding it.

“No,” he protested, wishing for once that Luci would just go away. As always, Luci ignored his wishes and hopped up on the windowsill opposite him, examining him curiously. “Why are you here? Don’t you have more important things to be doing?”

“Not really. I just finished poisoning the local drinking water, so my schedule’s clear for the next couple hours.” Luci watched him for a moment before his tail snapped out suddenly and snatched the mistletoe from behind Elfo’s back. Elfo gasped, shooting out a hand to retrieve it but it was already too late. Luci smiled, holding up the mistletoe in both their line of sight. “Thinking of kissing someone, huh?”

“I…” Elfo struggled to come up with a convincing story, but between all the plans he and Bean had come up with lately, not to mention his inherently guilty conscious, he found himself all out of lies. “I was, yeah. But they don’t want to kiss me back.”

“How do you know that? Did they tell you?”

“No,” Elfo admitted. “But they don’t have to. They’re super cool and mysterious and I’m… you know.”

“Elfo?”

“Exactly.”

His head drooped in misery. A couple seconds later, however, he felt a soft hand grip his chin and tilt it upwards. He found Luci standing next to him, the mistletoe held squarely over them by his tail. Elfo gaped at the sight, glancing between it and Luci’s face. “But—I thought—”

“I knew what you were trying to do,” Luci admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve known since the beginning. I just thought I shouldn’t give the win to you that easy. And I have to say, it was fun messing with you. Sorry about that. by the way. Bad habits, demon and all that.”

“So then you…” Elfo struggled to deal with the information he was being handed. “You knew that I liked you and you weren’t disgusted?”

“Of course not,” Luci snorted. “Do you know how many things I’ve been with on this planet? You’re hardly the most revolting thing.”

“Thanks,” Elfo said dryly.

“You know what I mean.”

“So you, too…?”

“Don’t make me say it,” Luci snapped, and if Elfo didn’t know better he could have sworn he spotted a faint blush on the demon’s cheeks. He wiggled the mistletoe then, a mischievous look entering his eyes. “Now, I believe I owe you something?”

Kissing Luci was never something Elfo would imagine in even his wildest of dreams, but life, as he quickly found out, was full of surprises. Normally, Elfo was not that fond of surprises, but in this case he decided to make an exception.

[inkandpen22]

Time is Irrelevant (2/?): Vive La France

Pairing: Eleventh Doctor x Female!Reader 

Warnings: swearing, mention of death 

Word Count: 4.5k (she’s long lol sorry about it)

Part Summary: Y/N wakes up dazed and confused. From then on, things only get more confused as she starts to realize she’s in 18th century France with a strange man. 

Masterlist

I gradually open my eyes, my vision blurry at first. A bright light burns them and I feel as though I’m staring into the gates of Heaven. Then, the memory of what happened jolts me awake. Startled, I frantically scan my surroundings. I come to the horrifying conclusion that I’m no longer at the table in the student union. In fact, I have no clue where I am! I’m in a bedroom, on a bed with tall dark wood posts. The room looks too grand and vintage to be anywhere on campus. It’s baby blue walls and crown molding don’t exactly scream cinderblock dorm room. The furniture appears to be so detailed and too fragile to touch, which will be a problem because I woke up on the bed. Am I in a museum?

I stand up cautiously, afraid someone may barge in. I glance down and I see I’m in a white cotton nightgown. A grandma nightgown, seriously? How did I get here and why am I in grandma's pajamas? As I take in my appearance, I don’t see any injuries or bruising, that’s good. I feel alright, panicked, but alright. My brain is pounding against my skull. I can hear my mom now, ranting in my mind. She’d say, “don’t hurry to get up! You could have a concussion.” I rarely listen to her and I don’t plan on starting now.

I step closer to what appears to be a balcony and I peer out to get an idea of where I am. Leaning over the iron rail, I see a dirt road below. People crowd the streets, they maintain a loud banter. Their clothes, they’re odd. Wait, is that man wearing a white wig? Where the hell am I? A gold plated carriage goes by down the street and a man yells at the top of his lungs in what sounds to me as French. As I focus on the commotion, all I hear is French. I take note of the architecture of the surrounding buildings and it all is very French, specifically Parisian. I’m not an expert who has never been to France but I would say the architecture of Paris is pretty iconic. Wait no, this can’t be real! It couldn’t be possible in Paris! How could I possibly be in the United States one minute, then wake up in France? It’s not possible. My heart drops, I’ve been kidnapped and taken out of the country!

“Good! You’re awake!”

I jump at the sudden voice. When I whip around, I spot the strange man from before entering the room.

“Put this on,” he instructs, tossing me a gown nonchalantly. “You stand out like a lily in a field full of daisies.”

I take in his appearance. He’s decked out in colonial-era clothing like the cluster of people down below. My mind screams, reminding me that this is all ridiculous. There’s no way I’m in France and there must be a good reason as to why everyone is dressed as though we’re about to go eat some cake with Marie Antonette. I snickered lightly, baffled at the idea of any of this being real. I’m clearly still asleep.

“Y/N!” The strange professor snaps his fingers and I'm pulled from my thoughts. “Please, before we’re late!”

I snap out of the daze and remember that this man has kidnapped me. Chucking the dress onto the bed, I proceed to bark at him. “Where am I?! Where have you taken me?!” My voice progressively escaping me in screams.

He grins slyly, staring into my soul. “I believe you've already figured that out for yourself…”

I shake my head, laughing at what he’s suggesting. He must think I’m an idiot. He narrows his eyes at me, curious.

“Oh please,” I tease him. “You can’t possibly think I would believe any of this? I’m in college, not kindergarten! Now, let me go!” I start to approach the door but he steps in my way.

His fingers wrap around my forearm with a forceful grip. “Look Y/N, we don’t have time for this! You ARE indeed in France. You ARE in 1778! Now, get dressed! We can’t be late!”

I stare into his eyes as he shouts this nonsense to me. The miniature oceans that encompass them. They have this electricity about them that draws me in and I feel hypnotized. Yet, I must remain level headed if I plan on escaping and surviving this.

Aggressively, I yank my arm free. “Let go of me you psycho! Have you lost your mind? There’s no way-”

The professor wraps his arm around me and presses his free hand over my mouth. I scream for someone to help, but my words are muffled against his hand.

“But it is!” He argues, “I possess the ability to time travel! Okay! The Eye of Harmony, Rassilon's Star, it exists!”

Upon hearing his words, I stop fighting him, utterly stunned. His hands ease off of my face and release my arm. My chest rises and plummets at an inconsistent rate. There are very few people who speak of the star. It’s legend, ancient mythology, lost in history.

“But…” I struggle to find the words, “but that's not possible.” My volume has lost its touch. My words flowing out like little puffs of wind.

“But it is! Now, get dressed and I’ll explain everything!” He tells me, seemingly eager to clear the air.

I watch silently as he turns to leave abruptly. Does he drop the bombshell that he may have the most powerful stone in the world then goes to leave? Of course, he would.

As he walks away, he presses, “we have somewhere we need to be and soon!”

Processing the situation, I take matters into my own hands. “Will you just wait for a second?!”

Irritable, he crosses his arms, “what it is?”

“I believe I deserve some sort of explanation! Now! I’m not going anywhere with you until you give me some sort of explanation now!”

He huffs, rubbing his temple. “We’re in France! I need you in that dress! We have an appointment and running late! There’s your explanation! Now if you’ll please,” he gestures towards the gown on the bed.

Swallowing hard, I comprehend the fact that he won’t be so forthcoming with me. I’ve seen plenty of thrillers where a girl is kidnaped and she acts out or doesn’t do anything which leads to her demise. I always shout at the girls to play along until the right opportunity arises. For all I know, I’m somewhere close to school and he’s messing with my head. All I’m sure about is I have to make it home.

“1778 you claim?” I clarify as I pick up the dress on the bed. As I examine the attire, I’m reminded of how uncomfortable women dressed. “This should be interesting...” If I’m going to play along I’ll need the proper attire and this isn’t it. I huff, “I’ll need a corset, heels, shift, pannier-”

The professor waves his hands for me to quiet down. “Yes! Yes, I know! I’ll be sending Joséphine in to help you. Any further questions?”

I shake my head, still struggling to cope.

“Very well,” he bows his head. As soon as he appeared he disappears into the halls. As soon as the door shuts, I feel as though I’m on the verge of fainting. I stumble over to the balcony in search of an escape route. I may only have minutes before he returns.

“I must be dreaming,” I tell myself to remain sane.

He’s really taking this whole charade about time travel seriously. Apart of me wishes to believe what he’s saying is true, the part of me that loves history blindly. If I’m truly in 1778 Paris that would incredible. Yet, I know logically time travel is impossible. Except, according to legend, the Eye of Harmony is said to allow time travel. Of course, that’s just ancient mythology, folklore. There’s no one alive that’s seen the star.

I watch the people in the streets below in awe. It all seems so real, the wagons, women dressed in corsets, and men dressed like the Founding Fathers. He must’ve drugged me, that’s the only explanation. Suddenly, the door creaks behind me and I jump like a scared cat. A lady, whom I assume is Joséphine, enters the room.

“Bonsoir Madame,” she greets me with a curtsy.

“Bonsoir…” I mutter, terrified but trying to remain calm.

Joséphine offers me a reassuring smile. I’m guessing she’s about my age, perhaps a few years older but not much. She guides me over to the vanity gently. At first, I stay as still as a statue. I watch as she picks up a few containers on the table and skims the labels.

“Ah oui!” She blurts out, apparently, she’s found what she was looking for.

After she selects a brush from the jar, she prepares to start on my makeup but I stop her.

“I’m okay, really! I just-”

“Non, non, non,” she objects. “ce soir madame vous devez avoir l'air parfait!”

Great, so if this really is 1778 then I’m about to get a heavy dose of lead poisoning. This white powder she’s spreading on my face makes me look like Casper. I respect the bold fashion of this era but rosy cheeks, cherry lips, and silk white skin, not my best look.

Once I’m suffocating in my dress, she pushes me down into the chair in front of the vanity and roughly yanks my auburn hair up. I study in the mirror as she pins my hair down to my scalp and digs the pins into my head. How the hell am I supposed to balance this clump of hair on my head? It’s taller than my entire head.

“Ouch!” I bark.

“Pardon, Madame,” she apologizes softly.

After I appear the part, Joséphine leads me through the house. It’s beautiful. The detail in the crown modeling and art-like wallpaper are so unique. I gawk at the walls as we walk through each room. She leads the way through the double front doors to a carriage where I’m met by the strange professor.

“Merci,” I thank Joséphine, though the experience wasn’t the most enjoyable.

She bows her head and leaves to return inside. I approach the professor, who’s dressed in the traditional french male attire of the time, wig in all. For a moment, it takes my breath away. I read so many books and seen so many movies about the era but nothing as felt more real than this.

“Nice wig,” I tease a bit, stifling a giggle.

“Dido,” he jokes in return.

“My head feels ten pounds heavier,” I poke at the cotton ball on my head. “How do I balance it?”

“You’ll learn. Takes practice.” The professor chuckles then snap his fingers for the footman to open the door of the carriage. Gesturing toward the door, he allows me to enter first.

I swift my gaze toward our mode of transpiration. I’ve never seen an authentic 18th-century carriage of this magnitude. The gold frame and light baby blue fabric are luxurious. I can only imagine how much history is within this carriage, at least will be I suppose.

“Are you admiring it or afraid of it?” The professor chuckles beside me.

“It’s… I’ve never seen anything like it.”

I’m not saying I entirely believe him with his fairytales but nonetheless, this experience so far has been like passages from my textbooks. I can feel him staring at me as I examine the carriage. It’s all too remarkable for me to look away.

“I see Joséphine did your hair and makeup as well, good,” He states with a grin. “If we’ll be at court, you’ll need to look the part.”

Before I have the chance to question his meaning, he offers me his hand to help me into the carriage. I’m hesitant. After all, this dude did kidnap me. As for his reasoning, I’m still in the dark. All I know is, possibly, that I’m in an entirely different country and almost three hundred years in the past, so he claims. I have no idea who he is or why he has me here. Yet, for some strange reason, I find myself trusting him slightly and against my better judgment. It’s his eyes. Every time I fall into them my gut tells me to trust him.

The professor sits across from me and settles in. The footman shuts the door and the driver calls to the horses to go along.

“Court?” I interrogate him, “as in the royal court?”

“Yes, precisely,” he replies as if it makes perfect sense.

He must be bonkers! There is no way we could be on our way to Versailles during the era of the monarchy and dressed like this!

“Right, right…” I raise a brow, “and who is king exactly?”

He rubs his hands up and down his thighs nervously. “That’s where you come in!”

“Me?!”

Quite frankly some rulers were just plain crazy and were temperamental! Plus, the French and English were constantly at war during the 18th century! This isn’t the time to visit for peace and quiet.

He scoffs, leaning forward to keep his voice down. “That’s the reason you’re here Miss Historian! You’re in charge of knowing everything about every century we visit!”

I narrow my eyes, “every century? Last I checked I never agreed to travel across time with you?!”

If that’s even what we’re doing. If he expects me to go to another destination with him he’s sorely mistaken.

He grins, not believing me for a second. “Oh, so you much rather go home? Sit behind a desk instead of meeting the very people you’re studying?”

If any of this was true, he’d have a point. I’ll never grant him the satisfaction of admitting that.

I scoff, “fine! You said it was 1778, correct?”

“Yes, that’s right,” he answers quickly.

“Okay… ” I stare up at the ceiling to focus, reviewing my knowledge of the French monarchy. It appears in my mind like a timeline. I mumble, “1778…  that’s in the middle of the American Revolution which means it’s before the French Revolution so the king would be… oh my god!”

My hand flies up to my mouth. I can’t believe it! If this man is telling the truth, then we’re in quite the most interesting year.

His eyes widen in horror and he grips my hands between us. “What?! What is it?!”

“Louis XVI! Louis XVI is the king! Oh, this is too good! Marie freaking Antoinette! Seriously? I can’t believe this!” I squeal, jumping up and down in my seat uncontrollably, causing the carriage to rock.

A part of me is starting to fall for the man’s word, perhaps I really am in 1778. At least then I could actually meet Louis XVI. For a second, I felt myself believing wholeheartedly.

“Is he cruel?! Kind Hearted?! Best king France has ever had?!”

I laugh, has he never picked up a history book?

“Sir, have you never heard of Louis XVI before? He’s infamous! What about the French Revolution? I mean… if we really are where you say we are, we’re living in it!”

He pouts, peering at me like an offended child. “No actually, I have heard of him! I guess you could just say he’s after my time. I’m better acquainted with his father,” he adds in a mutter.

I scrunch my eyebrows, “after your time? How could he be after-”

He cuts me off, “forget it. I’ll explain at a better time. As for now, your job is to inform me of everything I need to know about the French court. I know how to handle royalty and the protocol. All I need is for you to help me with the background information on these individuals. Though all royals are superficially the same I have to gain their trust on a personal level. In exchange, I’ll help you play the part of a lady of the court.”

I huff as I readjust my skirt, somewhat offended. Simply because I wasn’t born an aristocrat with a stick up my butt doesn’t mean I don’t know how to act civilized.

“I know how to be a lady! I can curtsy and whatnot!”

He stifles a laugh, raising a brow. “Y/N, have you ever even met a royal?”

He’s right once again. In my defense, America isn’t exactly crawling with monarchs. We got rid of that whole issue centuries ago.

“No…” I timidly admit.

He has a point, which annoys me. I may have been taught table manners and proper etiquette by my grandmother growing up but her rules are nothing compared to a royal court’s. I would be walking into a lion’s den without Danny’s guidance.

“So then, do we have a deal?” He holds out his hand. A mischievous grin coats his lips.  

For all I know, I could be agreeing to anything. He could turn back on his word at any moment. I don’t trust him, not in the slightest. Yet, If I agree for the time being, it could buy me my freedom. I take a chance.

I shake his hand, “deal.”

His eyes widen, “almost forgot!”

He reaches into his frilly French jacket pocket and reveals a key. A standard old, metal key with a long string attached.

“You’ll be needing it.” He assures me as he shifts toward me and begins to put it around my neck.

“What is it?” I ask, still in awe.  

“A key…” He sasses.

“Ugh,” I roll my eyes, “obviously! I’m asking why do I need it?”

“It’s to my Tardis,” he states as though everyone has one.

“What the hell-”

The carriage jolts to a stop abruptly. Soon, the driver opens the door for us and offers his hand for assistance. My mind is still focused on the blast the professor just sent in my direction. I’m still stuck on his statement, he’s after my time. What did he mean by that? Then, I learn that magic is basically real, along with time-travel.

My train of thought is soon interrupted by the professor calling my name. I hadn’t noticed him climb out of the carriage I was so deep within myself. I accept the hand of the driver and step down out of the carriage. Many of them that are similar to our own are lined up single file. Danny offers me his arm which I take instantly. I gawk at the copper-colored palace with gold embellishments. I’ve always wanted to visit Versailles. I never would have guessed it would be in this setting. I imagined hundreds of tourists with their phones out, too occupied to enjoy the magnificence in front of them. Instead, I’m surrounded by men in bright colored breeches and women wearing wigs that could reach the heavens.

“Are you alright?” he peers down at me, worried.

“Yes, it’s just… I’ve never seen anything like it,” I admit, breathlessly.  

Men and women dressed in extravagant jewels and clothes. Only the highest social figures are gawking at the palace, arm in arm.

“It’s the king’s twenty-fourth birthday ball,” he informs me as we stroll into the palace doors behind various couples of the time.

My pulse must be through the roof I’m so anxious. My mind is racing. Danny is putting on a convincing show that we belong here. He has is his role well-rehearsed it appears.

“Stay close,” he instructs, searching the entrance hall.

I grip his arm, halting before we go in.

“What is it?” The man questions.

“What your name?” I comprehend I’ve never learned it. With everything going on, there was never a proper moment. Now, I realize there will never be.

“I’m the Doctor,” he answers with a sly grin.

“’ The Doctor?’ Well, I’m sorry to break it to you but there’s more than just one doctor in the world,” I laugh, this man can’t be serious.

“No,” he huffs, “my name is Doctor. I’m a... you know what, never mind. I’ll-”

“You’ll explain later,” I finish.

“Look at you catching on quickly,” he compliments and pinches my cheek. I swat his hand away with a frown. Geez, he’s annoying. He’s like the Energizer bunny in human form.

“Let’s head inside,” he instructs, guiding me along.

I adjust my skirt briefly, correcting any wrinkles from the ride here. He clears his throat and my eyes meet him as he gestures toward the ceiling with a smirk. It takes every cell of my being and a lot of self-control to not let my jaw drop. Absentmindedly, my arm falls from the Doctor as he continues to walk down the Hall of Mirrors and leaves me in awe of the architecture. I slowly come to a stop as I become engrossed in the details.

It suddenly hits me like a pile of bricks, this is all real. Everything the Doctor has said must be true. I went along with his word but now I truly believe it. The hand-painted ceiling, the solid gold statues that reflect in the mirrors, the marble walls surrounding them, and the crystal chandeliers that line the grand hall. The remaining light of the setting sun pours in through the windows and bounces off the floor. There is no possible way Versailles could be like this in modern times, it’s far too untouched and pristine. This means I’m honestly, without a doubt, in the year 1778. My heart feels as though it’s plummeted to my stomach. Oh my God, this is remarkable! This is every history lover’s dream! I’m living out my textbooks. I’m experiencing history first hand!

It must’ve taken the Doctor very little time to notice my absence. He calmly approaches me, visibly aware of my clear baffled state. I believe my reaction is valid considering the circumstances.

He whispers, “is it what you imagined based on your history books?”

I shake my head, nearly speechless. All I can do is gawk at everyone and everything around me. “It’s beyond anything I could imagine!” I finally break my attention away from the exquisite art to meet his gaze. “I believe you,” I confess to him.

Slight grin forms on the edge of his lips and his eyes fall to the floor with a slight chuckle. “I always knew you would…” He mutters under his breath.

Offering me his arm, he escorts me into a crowded ballroom. The Doctor must know the layout of the palace quite well unless he’s simply following the flow of the crowd. An orchestra plays in the background as drinks are passed around by servants with trays. I spin around slowly, staring up at the ceiling and chandeliers. All of the stories in these walls, the royals that have lived here, what will become of this palace, my head is spinning as I review the details. The music comes to a sudden halt along with the movement and banter in the room. All attention turns toward the double doors across the ballroom as they swing open. People shuffle closer, peering over each other’s heads to sneak a peek. Trumpets play a melody familiar to anyone, the signal of the King and Queen entering the room. Through the space between heads, I can see glimpses of the young notorious couple. Marie Antoinette’s tall and decorated wig, her pale and porcelain-like skin, her extraordinary gown, all perfect. The crowd disburses and form their miniature groups again. The Doctor snatches two champagne flutes from a passing tray and hands one to me.

“Doctor,” I whisper to him cautiously, in case of prying ears. “Why are we here? Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic but I don’t understand the purpose?”

He pulls me aside behind one of the pillars for some privacy. He scans the room to make sure no one is watching us. His actions have me wondering if our purpose here could put us in danger.

“How much do you know about the monarchs and the palace itself?”

My brows rise in astonishment, I start to question myself on how he doesn’t find the answer obvious by now. I spent a whole semester studying King Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette, the French Revolution, and Versailles alone. Of course, that doesn’t make me an expert by any means but I would say I’m well-read.

He catches on to my sass and dismisses it. “Fine, fine fine, so you know a lot! Tell me more please!”

I nod, gathering the important bits from memory to summarize it all. To condense all of this history into such a brief yet crucial conversation is anything but fun.

“Okay well, I think the most important fact we have to consider is currently Her Majesty is pregnant with the couple’s first child. The baby will be a girl. Her name will be Marie-Thérèse-Charlotte de Bourbon. The couple will attempt to have more children, to have a male heir, but none will live past the age of eleven. The French Revolution won’t begin for another ten years. Both the King and the Queen will lose their lives, sadly, along with many members of the aristocracy. Then, Napoleon will become emperor. As for Versailles, it was completed in 1668 for King Louis XIV. During the revolution basically, everything will be taken from here. In modern times, the 21st century, most of it will be returned. That’s a summary of some basic information.”

The Doctor gawks at me, “you know all of this by heart? You wonderful little human. How do you memorize it all?”

I shrug, glancing in the direction of where I last saw the royal couple. “I suppose I’ve always cared so much about these people and their stories that it never really leaves me.”

The unfamiliar faces in this room are forming the world I must live in hundreds of years from now and none of them know it. The world will be completely altered by the end of the century. Every single person in this room is set to believe their roles here are unwavering. Little do they know that in less than a decade, all of it will be gone, nothing but a memory.

“I forgot to mention,” The Doctor mumbles and holds up the key that has slipped beneath the front of my dress. “Never lose it. Draw as little attention to it as possible. While we’re here, your job is to play Miss Know-it-all and mine is to find this journal.”

We’re interrupted by the grandfather clock when it dings in the corner. The Doctor’s head whips over in its direction, he checks the time.

“I have to go,” he informs me in a rush.

“But I-” I start, having a million questions.

“I’ll be back. Blend into the crowd! We’ll leave as soon as possible,” he instructs before disappearing into the cluster of people.

I stand awkwardly alone, afraid to move the slightest step. I’m surrounded by a bunch of dead people. Well, they’re not dead now, but when I’m alive they will be. I’m Versailles, holy shit! And I’m not even on a tourist trip to Versailles, no I’m at a ball in the Revolution Era! I would jump up and down squealing but I doubt that’s allowed. Instead, I’ll just smile to myself like an idiot and sip on this champagne.

__________________

Masterlist

[theliteraryflower]

I posted 2,268 times in 2021

11 posts created (0%)

2257 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 205.2 posts.

I added 425 tags in 2021

#literature - 72 posts

#harry potter - 58 posts

#books - 51 posts

#hp - 43 posts

#hogwarts - 37 posts

#hogwartshousefriends - 36 posts

#quotes - 35 posts

#bridgerton - 34 posts

#incorrecthogwarts - 31 posts

#quote - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#also. lily picking up piano and other instruments while in hiding is just something that makes sense to me

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Rescued by a Viscount

By Wendy Vella

Rate: 4.5/5

Synopsis:

He wasn't like other men, he didn't observe the correct distance when conversing or dancing with a woman, nor did he guard his tongue. In fact, Viscount Kelkirk was the exact opposite of everything Claire strove to be, and she has never known how to handle him. But now she has to learn. And fast.

Miss Claire Belmont’s life is thrown into turmoil when she finds out her brother left something behind in France before he died. Going against her family’s wishes, she is determined to uncover the secret of what it is, and is forced to turn to the one man she vowed to avoid at all costs for help. If anyone can disrupt her well-ordered life and see the vulnerable woman behind the polite facade, it will be Viscount Kelkirk and now they are thrown together, she realizes her fears were justified.

Review:

Well this is new. Like this has been a very unique Regency novel. This is part of the Regency Rakes collection and honestly it was quite tame, for present times, but quite scandalous for the Regency era. We meet Claire and Simon, who are the Duke and Duchess of the last books dearest friends. But Claire can not stand Simon. She finds him obnoxious and too forward, if she only knew that he was the only one willing to help her in her time of need. This book touches themes about grieving and letting go and the lengths one would go for family. Also its quite cute how self sacrificing our leads are even if it gets annoying.  Yes, I am looking at you Claire. Stop running away from people who are trying to help you. In the end they all lived happily ever af-oh there is a third book!

1 notes • Posted 2021-03-27 17:28:52 GMT

#4

Match Fit

By: Amèlie S. Duncan

Rate: 3.5/5

Synopsis: He's cocky, dirty, and demanding. He's a walking wet dream.

He's also mine. Or at least he's pretending to be...

Brooke

Notorious British bad boy footballer Dylan Pierce is scorching hot...

and he knows it.

With a mouth as filthy as his reputation, linking myself with him could ruin my public image.

But showbusiness is all about risk, and as a down-on-my-luck actress,

this could be the break my career needs.

Dylan

Brooke Sullivan is my most difficult opponent yet.

Being seen with a good girl like her may give me a chance at Hollywood stardom,

but I never expected to crave this feisty redhead.

I can't lose my focus--I always keep my eye on the ball,

I'm always match-fit.

And winning her is the most important game I've ever played.

Review: Brooke... sweetie... you are in a relationship with your father... let that sit in. Okay to clarify her dad is like super bossy and uses the excuse of "it's what's best...". And our lovely lead Dylan pretty much is the same. So... Brooke are you okay? You sure? Ok. So this is the story of struggling actress Brooke and how her agent arranges for her to be the fake girlfriend of football star Dylan. Whose reputation as a whore has followed him across the pond. My issue is that he like immediately is like I want to kiss your cat and please eat my roster. He was like so sexually aggressive and she was into it. Which is fine but girl... I hope you had fun for the emotional gymnastics you went through. Dylan wants her but doesn't want to change at first which causes a whole other type of drama. Especially with you are mine thing. The seperation was also a curve ball and very enjoyable but I hated the over possession and the shaming of female characters when they act like our make leads. All in all a good read but I worry. Is toxicity worth a good lay?

1 notes • Posted 2021-02-20 06:22:38 GMT

#3

The War of the Worlds

By: H.G.Wells

Rate: 5/5

Synopsis:

When an army of invading Martians lands in England, panic and terror seize the population. As the aliens traverse the country in huge three-legged machines, incinerating all in their path with a heat ray and spreading noxious toxic gases, the people of the Earth must come to terms with the prospect of the end of human civilization and the beginning of Martian rule.

Inspiring films, radio dramas, comic-book adaptations, television series and sequels,The War of the Worlds is a prototypical work of science fiction which has influenced every alien story that has come since, and is unsurpassed in its ability to thrill, well over a century since it was first published.

Review:

Why did I wait so long to read this book. Like it was amazing and beautifully written. My first experience with this book was through the Steven Spielberg movie. I wish I could turn back time and read this book first. Though the movie was great, I feel that the original story was a million times better. It was more than just about the alien invasion but rather the Hubris of men. The society presented to us thought that they were the most powerful and thus did not have to worry about it. Then just to be proven wrong in the worst way. Everyone knows the ending so it won't be a shock to know that it was the Aliens own Hubris that causes their downfall. All in all way ahead of its time and most certainly worth the read.

1 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 02:26:21 GMT

#2

Duchess by chance

By Wendy Vella

Rate: 4/5

Synopsis:

Daniel, Duke of Stratton, learns of his betrothal to Miss Berengaria Evangeline Winchcomb minutes before his father’s death. Having gambled his fortune away, all the late Duke had left to sell was his son. To save his family’s honor Daniel agrees to the marriage, but society’s favorite bachelor is no longer a charming easygoing man— his father’s betrayal has left him angry and with a thirst for revenge.

Eva learns she is to wed the Duke of Stratton on the way to the church. Inside she feels a flicker of hope that at last she is to leave her horrid family— however that flicker is short-lived as she faces the cold unyielding man who is now her husband.

Review:

Yes.... I'm still on my historical fiction thing. Don't act suprised or like it's not enjoyable. This story was enjoyable but alot more darker than most. Usually, the Lady is a gentle and sweet soul who has suffered very little. Not our Eva. Eva and Daniel didn't know what was coming when their father's decided to play cards. One bad gamble leads to a unwanted marriage between Daniel and Eva. And they didn't know what to expect from each other when they got married but by gosh did they enjoy it. Eva expects more of the same. A hard, cold and abusive husband and Daniel expected  some mousey little chit. They were wrong... so wrong, and with out even realizing it they fall in like and then in love. It was a sweet and at times steamy read. With a new perspective of society and the norms. Great read that again they live happily ever after. 

2 notes • Posted 2021-03-20 17:22:37 GMT

#1

All the stars and teeth

By Adalyn Grace

Rate: 4.5/5

Synopsis: She will reign.

As princess of the island kingdom Visidia, Amora Montara has spent her entire life training to be High Animancer—the master of souls. The rest of the realm can choose their magic, but for Amora, it’s never been a choice. To secure her place as heir to the throne, she must prove her mastery of the monarchy’s dangerous soul magic.

When her demonstration goes awry, Amora is forced to flee. She strikes a deal with Bastian, a mysterious pirate: he’ll help her prove she’s fit to rule, if she’ll help him reclaim his stolen magic.

But sailing the kingdom holds more wonder—and more peril—than Amora anticipated. A destructive new magic is on the rise, and if Amora is to conquer it, she’ll need to face legendary monsters, cross paths with vengeful mermaids, and deal with a stow-away she never expected… or risk the fate of Visidia and lose the crown forever.

I am the right choice. The only choice. And I will protect my kingdom.

Review:

So this is what happens when you put too much pressure on one person. Mistakes happen but... that doesn't mean you can over react either. Amora is preparing to make her performance to prove her worth to the kingdom. But gosh, her support system sucks. You know you aren't supposed to stress people before a big exam. Well these people failed that. So after Amora's presentation goes horribly wrong she gets thrown in prison with the only person on her side is her childhood friend and fiance, Ferrick. Again love him but I am so glad that Amora is straight up with him and us. Love you but not in love with you. Then there is the plots against the kingdom, a very mysterious and sexy pirate and a mermaid who gives me life. So poor Amora has alot on her plate. I loved the world building and though I wished it could have been explored more, I understand that it's hard to do so in a duology. It was a good adventure with various locations and threats and characters that are likeable. Like seriously Vataea, Mermaid queen slaying it up and down. Another thing that I loved that the story was about saving the kingdom it was never about Amora being a girl, or her struggling between Ferrick and Bastian (pirate) but rather her need to save her home. My only complaint is that the end was a bit rushed but still a great read. I can't wait for the sequel. 

12 notes • Posted 2021-03-07 04:10:47 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[genderfluidtechnoblade]

hello hello i am rose caleb genderfluidtechnoblade and this is my hell. i keep making these posts then not liking them anymore so the rest of my intro is under this cut so i dont have to look at it.

im 20, i’m from texas, and i’m a college student for astronomy and physics. i’m genderfluid, and i use the following pronouns listed in order of likelihood that using that one is right on any given day: they/she/fae/he. switch it up sometimes for funsies and we’re good. i’m bisexual grey-acearo and the grey is for c!techno and my partner.

my all time favorite creator is jordan captainsparklez. my other favorite cc’s are technoblade, fruitberries, petezahhutt, hbomb, scott smajor, quig, and elysaku! casual enjoyer of many others as well.

i engage a lot with: speedrunning, dsmp lore, vault hunters, minecraft events, and miscellaneous videos from creators i follow. there is absolutely no guarantee what you’re going to get on any particular day, it depends on my mood, whats on my dash, and who most recently gave me content that made me feel like a cat being pat gently on the head.

i am opinionated. i am snippy. i am mean. i am fully capable of being fullheartedly frustrated and annoyed with things with deep sociopolitical implications and genuinely problematic content AND petty shit that pisses me, personally, off. i’ll clarify which is which when i go on one of my angry complaining rants, which i will try not to go on too often, but please know: the chance that i will spend the entire day complaining and bitching about a niche issue you may have never heard about is low. but NEVER zero.

A few disclaimers:

𝖚𝖒, 𝖔𝖕 𝖎𝖘 𝖆 𝖈!𝖉𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒 𝖆𝖕𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖎𝖘𝖙 not in the sense that i downplay the atrocities of the abuse he put tommy through but in the sense that i believe every person truly does have the ability to move on and change, and that people are not defined by the worst thing they’ve ever done, and even if c!dream never improves and even if he actually gets worse, there is no crime you can commit to justify having your human rights taken away from you and pandora’s vault is a deeply flawed system and i am a prison anarchist and i believe it should burn. AND i am irrationally emotionally attached to this fucking war criminal and if anything bad happens to him i WILL cry.

THIS APPLIES ONLY TO CDREAM WHO IS MY OC I STOLE AWAY AND BELONGS TO ME NOW

c!techno IS right on all accounts. thank you.

i watch traffic series from only scott’s pov because that’s the only one i have time for. i try to stay up to date on other people’s povs and the like, but i’m really only invested in scott, and as such, can’t make any sweeping judgements of any other characters or circumstances that dont revolve around him. thank you for understanding. scott supremacy.

this is a jordan captainsparklez fan blog. if you hate jordan captainsparklez block me. i mean this genuinely and with malice.

if you actively consider yourself a blue9 main- not a casual enjoyer or just someone who enjoyed their pov, someone who really does genuinely consider that this year+ old mcc team is the center of your content... i do not want you here.

it is this blog’s official and professional stance that defending fruitberries on the internet is not enough, and i need a gun.

i have several old posts on illumina that i will not be deleting because i dont believe in deleting posts really, but there will be no more. 

mcc is a wonderful event made with love and attention from some of the nicest and most genuine content creators of the day and age, but it does mess up sometimes and people are allowed to have neutral to negative opinions about mcc. in fact i have some neutral to negative opinions about mcc. mcc is not above criticism but holy shit you guys realize there’s a difference between criticism and death threats right. like. right. RIGHT??

unfortunate owner of a twitter i use only to farm clout from speedrunners. if there is discourse happening on twitter i dont want to hear about it.

talk to me about fwt dsmp canon wedding staged breakup conspiracies.

IF YOU ARE MEAN TO GEOSQUARE YOU GO TO HELL YOU GO DIRECTLY TO HELL DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS.  

other than that, yknow. standard if you’re racist i fucking hate you go choke, terfs/truscum eat shit and die, ableists you’re not welcome and never have been, and please understand that while i am unhinged and mentally unstable, at least i’m funny. 

[rigelmejo]

I don’t know if this extensive reading has helped but I FEEL like it has helped lol. When I started 小王子 how long was it taking a chapter? Just under 5 minutes per page right?

Well I know I got faster than that. Today my Internet was down so while waiting for things to restart and load and stuff I read like 5 chapters of the book. I read them out loud (just a handful of words I didn’t know how to say out loud). I was reading at slow but steady speaking speed so that’s still faster than 5 minutes a page. Ok I just timed myself to test it and I am taking 2 minutes to read a page, and I would guess 3 minutes if I slowed down to consider a bit more on the sayings/less familiar hanzi. That’s better then the 4.5-5 minutes I started at! So I must’ve picked up some words from this book. So I would say... yes a little extensive reading seems to be helping reading speed. Also! I have 16 pages to go! This story is so short. It is sweet and odd and so human though maybe that is why it’s remained loved like Alice in wonderland. (Fun fact I also read 2 chapters of Alice in wonderland in French this week and it is just as bizarre to me as when I watched the movie as a kid, But I do think in book form if I were 6-9 I would’ve related more since Alice’s POV in the story is pretty relatable... and when I was a kid and watched the movie I just did Not relate aha).

Anyway from 4.5 minutes to 2-3 is great!

What I did with graded readers/extensive reading this month, that I am hoping is why this helped:

Read graded reader (butterfly lovers, Pleco, 500 unique characters) - not hard but very satisfying to finish it and read it quickly when it used to take me 40 minutes to read a few Pleco pages of it). So that was a few thousand words comprehensible extensive reading.

Read another graded reader, chinese short stories. While I think it’s good as a study companion, a lot of very specific words which I tripped on (antique coins, being scammed). Which was fine I just think it was not the funnest reading material? It was mostly graded reader though I had to look up a couple handfuls of words.

Read a little of my 500 character Sinolingua reader (2 stories). Also read through the back of it which has all the words in the book, and the HSK 3 words included in the book - I knew all those words but it was a nice refresher. Mostly it was just nice to see how much easier these stories were to read compared to when I first got the book. (I would recommend these books as readers if you want something for adults and in short segments, the short stories are simplified prose from established authors, and the quality of storytelling can therefore be felt a bit. They feel more meaningful as short stories and therefore enjoyable if a bit basic (since they’ve been simplified). You can tell though compared to the Chinese Short Stories book above, which was probably written by a teacher/language textbook maker and not necessarily a literary writer.

Read mandarin companion journey to the center of the earth. 450 unique characters. Another easy read that felt really nice, compared to when I first read a mandarin companion book.

Started reading 小王子 on paper, so extensive reading with little word look up (I’ve looked up less than 10 words so far when reading on paper - notable words I looked up because it frustrated me I didn’t know them: 悲伤，惊奇，惊讶，匆匆，逐渐，观察，测试 a lot of these because I know I’ve seen these Hanzi before I just never remember specifically like 惊讶 惊奇 what the difference is or guan pronunciation 观察 or 测 I tend to forget when it’s not in 测试). I started reading it because it’s supposed to have around 2000 unique words (so not too many), and be pretty easy reading level (so a bit easier than 活着 which is the novel Chinese learners often get recommended). Basically, this was the extensive reading book choice step up from graded readers - it’s got a bit over 1000 unique hanzi, not an overwhelming amount of unique words, but it is not a graded reader so if it goes well I could jump to other stuff of similar or slightly less “ease” while still having it feel this “easy” to read (and hopefully take days to read instead of months).

Started reading 笑猫日记之会唱歌的猫 in Pleco, so clicking words I didn’t know (though this one only had a word or two a page unknown). I saw it recommended on a Chinese learners form as easy reading material after graded readers, and I agree! It’s very easy to read! I could understand it without clicking words but it is nice to understand fully since it’s convenient, and look up the pronunciation etc. I read 8 chapters so far. I also listened to a few chapters after reading, but idk if it helped at all.

15 ish chapters into 小王子 I found it online and reread 4 chapters with a click dictionary for unknown words. It was nice just clarifying the word pronunciations and fuzzy bits, also the online translation was different so seeing the difference on how they decided to word it (mostly just seeing synonyms used instead or different sayings for certain parts). I listened to a couple chapters audio afterwards, idk if it helped.

Unrelated, but I did listen read to 5 chapters of 默读 mainly following the Chinese text so, idk if that would’ve helped my overall reading at all (I want to say no but I did notice in general much more general gist comprehension of lines in MoDu then last time I read a couple months ago - although listening to the audio and being able to glance at the English for unknown words of course also makes things much more comprehensible that’s why listen reading method is the structure it is ahh).

Listened to some audio for 小王子 during work because I happened to find it, for chapters 1-4. Just playing in the background. I looked at the text while listening to one to match pronunciation to some words, since the chapter was like 5 minutes long in listening. Again interesting to see their word choice since It was yet another translation (I think I like my print books translation best).

Back to reading print 小王子 today and I think the audio beforehand did help me with being able to pronounce more of what I’m reading. Read like 4 chapters in one short break, another 3 chapters just now. While I don’t know how well the reading speed will translate to reading harder stuff like guardian (which was oddly also taking me 5 minutes a page? Why is that my default speed?), my reading speed doing extensive reading on “stuff mostly easy” to me has increased noticeably. (Fun fact when I read English technical text like psychology and physics books and educational etc I think my reading speed is it’s like 10-20 pages an hour... I do not read non fiction very fast).

So anyway, my goal with extensive reading easy material this month was to see if I could push UP what my starting base level “easy” material is.

What I used to do is practice with an “easier text” (which was still pretty hard for me tbh) and then once it got bearable (took 30-40 minutes to read instead of an hour), I’d switch to a harder material that took me 1-1.5 hours to read. Then when I’d burn out, I’d go back to that “easier” text until it got easier at 20-30 minutes to read. Then I might pick a harder base reading text (usually what used to be the hard one that would now take 30-40 minutes to read), and find something even harder. Lately that has been 寒舍 as my “easier” text, taking 20-30 minutes a full chapter (2 mini chapters), and 天涯客 as my harder text at 30-40ish minutes a chapter. And yes, at this point I could pick something harder but they’re both hard enough I was just sticking to them. You might notice none of these were actually easy for me though, my actual base easy materials were still graded readers, and manhua. So I want to push that upward until there’s some “easier” material below 寒舍 that I can be built up to and read easily Without a dictionary aid. So I can have a solid base that’s reliable. Hanshe is an “easier” practice material but it’s not necessarily something I can read extensively with ease. But if I keep pushing up the difficulty of what I can extensively read, bit by bit, I will eventually Get it to hanshe (or a little below it realistically but still firmly in regular-webnovel-exist at the reading level). I will not get faster at reading these hard things unless my base level of reading is both higher and already a reasonable speed. (I’m guessing anyway??).

Well happy to say this plan is working. I guess the advice articles I read were right somewhat. I knew graded readers could drag you from 0 beginner to some reading ability, since It’s what I originally did with Chinese (and even French sort of). But I was very quick about it because I’m impatient and easily bored by too-easy things apparently lol. I read 1 mandarin companion graded reader (the 300 word Sherlock Holmes one), a couple chapters of 2 other graded readers, then started on a random webnovel (the bl 他们的故事 which somehow thankfully is on the easier end for novels) and looked a lot of words up to get through. But I did not think to try to “match my reading level and increase gradually” in regular novels, even tho if it works for graded readers it probably works for regular stuff!

And in school in our native languages, that’s why our elementary schools had libraries, and we read books for our age group and the chapter books we read were much easier than what we read as teens or what adults read! I remember bunnicula and cat wings those were not hard but they were chapter stories. Then I remember Dracula and hg wells and mark Twain in high school and how they felt a bit Hard despite me being one of those kids rated at college reading level in 3rd grade. Now as a kid? I had the same tendencies I do now, so I’m not surprised I always jump in the deep end and Try to read hard stuff (and it must help since it’s part of why I got good at reading my native language, and definitely has helped my chinese and french). I would be like 7 and pick up a mitchner novel of My dad’s (is that the author of stuff like Alaska etc?) and I’d read a couple pages and feel drained trying to follow it and give up. Or the huge The Witching Hour by Anne Rice, or HG Wells History of the world, or the biography of benjamin Franklin, I never finished any of these or had any idea what they were about I just got curious and opened up a couple pages every now and then. Yet somehow that must’ve been part of why my reading level so early on was considered “good”? I’m guessing.

But I wasn’t actually good at reading in the sense of doing it often or fast until my dad started reading to me at like age 8-9 I think it was Harry Potter which at the time worked out since the books got harder each time, and also my dad reads out loud slow just like he tutors slow lol so eventually I read myself so he’d stop boring me (I love him and loved the bonding time I’m sure but truly i just apparently always liked jumping in the deep end). Eventually his strategy Im guessing to get me to read slightly harder stuff each time worked, because by books 4-5 I read each in 2 days. He was so impressed because before that I couldn’t read long books and not fast, and that’s when he thought I got good at reading. Looking back lol it’s actually so funny? How much work he had to do to get me to read and how what ended up working I still sort of do now. He started me on Hop on Pop as a kid as my first book cause One Fish Two Fish bored me and I thought jumping on a dad was funny, and he did that just to do something to get me to pick up a book lol. Then he got me that digital book toy they had back then where you had a real book but it was in a digital holder and if you clicked words with the pen it read them out loud. Literally how I learn Chinese now... he really got me digital equivalent to graded readers back then ToT. And just like as a kid I still pick up stuff way beyond my level and just read a couple pages at random. It’s just. Kind of funny to me how much I didn’t really change that much after all ToT

BACK ON THE TOPIC OF APRIL PROGRESS lol ok. I listened to Guardian ep 1 today just in the background so no subs etc and I was Floored by how much I completely understood. I’ve been listening to SpoonFed chinese again (15 audios listened to this month), but I’m floored if it made a difference?! Since I was mostly listening in the background not focusing and missing some stuff. Idk if it made a difference, or listening reading method just that 1.5 hours I did this month or what. Or if my listening skills have been this decent I just don’t test them since I usually watch shows with hard Chinese subs (and read the subs), or watch shows with English subs. So like. Anyway mejo back in what was it august 2019 when I started studying? Would be so happy. Back when I started watching guardian and only knew ni hao and xie xie and zai jian.

Also I can’t even remember now if I did extensive reading guardian (after reading the English translation), this month too or just last month. But I’m sure that helped and I should test general reading sometime of a priest novel. Like.. literally what kicked off the “I should extensive read more” this month is me Desperately wanting to kick up my reading speed after the horrific 25 page guardian chapter I read that took like 1.5 hours.

[gottalovelifeya]

So I've read that twice now, and I'm still trying to figure it out, and something I can't figure out is, is there even a chance at all or am I still just being my optimistic self, I think I need to start trying to abandon that idea, becuse as it stands I'm not going to loose my retirement or go to jail becuse than, there's no future with her or just at all period, I'm just trying to not give the impression that I don't want her or I life's great now, but I mean it's literally all on her at this point, and I don't know what all she has going on and honestly for once I don't want to know, but I need a hug, and honestly even if I'm not emotionaly ready for anything serious, I just need someone in my life, like honestly it dosnt even have to be anything serious, just someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies, go out to dinner or cook for eachother, go out on little dates, and just have a good with them really. You see my whole thing with it thow, is it wrong to try and seek out or have that with someone, even if there fully aware that you need a shit ton of time to actually build love with them, becuse I've only ever bene aww struck once, and ive bene married once but that was rushed, and there wasn't a foundation to our marriage at all. And I mean after as long as we were together there was love, but it wasn't the kind that is like litterly the for better or worse, no matter what happens will be by each others sides, and a couple months ago she literally just bounced on me because she was done being an adult because we lost 2 houses over the course of a year, first becuse covid(not being able to get a job) and we lost all our worlds possession and I had to put down our 3 cats because 2 of them were disabled, and we couldn't live with the idea of just abandoning them on the side of the road, and just wondering and being worried about there safety and well being.

Then we moved back here so that I could complete all the steps to receive my retirement, and living with my parents was really hard and put alot of strain on our Marriage, becuse she dispised my parents because they wouldnt let us bring our cats here, becuse they have dogs, and so she still blames them for the cats deaths.

And than after 2 months of living with the fam I started reviveing 50% of my benefits and started receiving my GI bill school stypen, so we got a house on 4 acers, and it was awesome not haveing nehbors, but than several months ago I just got realy depressed and down because they started talking about leaving Afghanistan, and than no shit can't even make this up, the house litterly cracks down the middle, and she just says she couldent do this anymore, becuse no matter how much we continustly improved and our lives and standards of living just continueusly kept improving, but she was just done being a adult and disided to move back in with her dad, and maby go to school, I honestly don't even know what she's doing now. We talked resintly but that was only to figure out if we're going to do our divorce threw MS or TX, and what state offers a simpler process.

And now all this happens with the love of my life and it's just kind of like, this is all so recent am I even in the right state of mind to again not jump into a relationship, but I guess prosue just like a female companion, with the intent to you know basically act like we're in a relationship and but with this whole supper long process of realy and truly getting to know eachother.

Because I highly dought I'll ever hear from this chick again, but I swear I'm the most hopfull and confident mother fucker in the world, so it's just like offcourse things will work out eventually because I live here now and forever, so how couldn't it, but yesterday definitely clerified alot of how she feels, and that's were I than go and say,"o ya" does it clarify her feelings for you because you have no idea what was said and happened and you can't even ask now without looseing everything that you said youed get to be with her in the first place.

But I mean with all that said, it's like there's litterly nothing I can do, without again risking my freedom and benefits, and honestly if I hurt her that bad, to get to this point, I'm just not even going to mess with it, ied like to be with her, but that's probably never going to happen.

So than it comes full circle to the original question, am I even emotionally ready to try a procue, any kind of realtonship and any level with anybody, becuse I feel ready, and I'm financially ready, and I actually have like a living situation going for myself, and I'm in school to get a super high paying job working over at stenis makeing 47$ starting and only working a 9-5. Like relationships aside I've litterly never bene doing better with this thing we call life

But with how this whole situation just went down, that has me questioning myself, granted there were alot of complexitys to It and while I didn't have the right to threaten someone else, I feel like theres some justification in getting mad over it. But still i question myself because I talked down to someone who I love and that's not ok.

And than all the stuff with my wife, granted litterly none of it was my fault, theres litterly nothing I could have done to prevent any of it, but I just have this feeling that I let her down and I don't ever want to let someone down that bad, and with that like litterly you can do everything right, and sometimes life just happens and dicides to repedaly fuck you, and so the moral of all that, is, I'm not saying I'm tore up about it, I'm not saying I want her back, she abandoned me, what I'm saying is that was my wife, and I feel like I let her down, like if that makes scene, it's not a regret thing, it's marriage is something that I think should be held really dear and sacred, regardless if it's good or bad, or if you got. Married for the right or wrong reasons. So I'm saying it's like I feel like I failed as a husband, and I failed in the role of being a husband, and again it's not regret and it's not me wishing it didn't happen, I believe in traditional values and, twice over the span of a year we lost the roof over our heads, again not my fault, but I take it personally in a way.

So what's the boild down thots on that, and going out and starting something new, or more specifically slowly working towards that, I don't want to gain someone's trust and than not actually be able to provide, or more or less go threw actuall hardship with someone, and it's because they chose to follow me around there now in a situation, again I didnt actually do anything wrong with any off it, but it's kind of like my deployment in reality I just did my job, and that's that, but I still take surtan parts of it personally

So that and than, just recently I got drunk and talked down to someone I loved, and was really mean, and than put them in a situation that wasn't right, again none of it was right at all, and it was super complex, but regardless I don't like how that ended becuse it ended in fear, and at the end of the day, that's the one thing I always told myself I would never do again with any female, but hey fucking insain shocker it litterly just so happen to be with the same person who originally made me say that to myself.

So it's those 2 things that really have me on the fence, becuse it's like I'm saying I just want some kind of companionship that's more than friends, and a little more serious, but i know that me as a person, emotionaly it will take god knows how long, before Ill be able to actually love them, becuse I'm still trying to re-evaluate what exactly does It mean to love someone, becuse to me it's ride or die, for better or worse, no exceptions, and honestly the biggest factor that will come up is what are there feelings for me, becuse like if they can just be loyal, honestly say the love me, and be there for me and just be enjoyable to be around, thated be enough to earn my love, but now I'm at the point we're it's like, well ied need proof to offer myself fully and truly look them in the eye, and say I'll always be there for you and you can always count on me

And that's the million dollar question, at what point do you actually have proof, at what point can you actually know, becuse like if I'm going to just try this with some random person, like we're do you set the bar, what standard do you hold them to

So like talking to people and actually have a realtionship of sorts is easy to maintain and do. But I'm at the point we're I want the person I die with, spend the rest of my days with. Because picking up chicks, going out, fucken, haveing fun, that's all super easy and has never bene a problem, but actual love, and my idea of what it is, I honestly question if it exists, I've only felt it at it's most real with one person, and with my wife, we knew eachother for 9 days, and it was kind of like hey, "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I relay like your personality and I like you as a person, so do you want to take a shot in the dark, see what happens, get married, so I can move out of the barracks and you can move out of your dad's house", and she said yes, and her only input towerds it was we can't tell our familys tell your out of the army because we barely knew eachother, and we just wanted to keep things simple.

it really was like a friend's moving in together and just living life and and enjoying each other's company and there was love but there was no foundation to our relationship at all, 9 days. That is some army shit right there.

But ya that was really interesting, becuse the whole idea was trile by fire, becuse know we talked about it seriously, and what we were both looking for, and so the idea was you know how, there are sertan things about people that you just don't like but you live with it or accept it because you love them, well that was going to be our thing, just see what happens.

And the whole will wait tell your out of the army thing was because, by that point we'de have actually successed and started a happy life or we'd still just be friends by the end of it, and so wene your In the army they pay for you to get a house, so it was a win win for both of us, and it had the potential to be so much more, so we littrly said fuck it let's see what happens.

So that's that story and background becuse I don't want it so seem like I'm talking shit about her, by saying there's no foundation, it's becuse there litterly wasn't, and wene I say she abandoned me, ya even thow again our standard of living littlerly kept going up, and fast, we went from a 1 bedroom apartment, to a 4 bedroom house, to a 3 bedroom house in 4 acers. Life litterly just beat us into the dirt back to back, and she was just done with being an adult at that point, I guess you can only loose everything so many times before you just give up.

Ok another example, the love of my life, I litterly met her at a party, litterly love at first sight I have never experienced that with anyone else, asked her on a date at school, and we were together after that, like a couple, and that lasted years, granted the foundation came from dating for so long and then we got engaged, so completely different than my marriage

But the moral of that and what I'm trying to say, and trying to explain, is how the hell do you move slow, while having compassion, and I guess properly feel them out, and like actually get to know them as a person and at what point can you genuinely trust them, like at what point is it litterly you can say ok This is the one.

Because with the love, she couldnt leave here family and come to elpaso, at the time I didn't understand that, and sadly I lost my temper over it. And I honestly don't even know what this last attempt was, I'm just going to call It horrible timing, litterly the worst time for me to show up.

And with the wife, we litterly tolk those vows "for better or worse" and wene stuff got worse she left.

So for the wife I could littlerly never take her back because she broke our vows, and with the love I dought shill ever call, or have anything To do with me again, but sadly I dought I could ever actually give up hope that shed call, becuse it's like hey, just like the first time, I didn't understand why she'd have a problem moving all the way to elpaso, this second time now, This was beyond a complicated situation, and just like before I wouldn't hold it against her because, again this was just a all around horrible situation, litterly just wow, and this is the part were I step back and realy have to remember my mind works alot differently and so while it comes off as a open and shut situation to me, and I tried to work with her I really did, but I could never understand any of this from her point of view and the struggles and complexity of how this must have bene from her side.

But getting back on topic, I'm trying to explain this so I can read it all and try and figure it out myself.

Basically, if I start something with someone new, how do you actually get to the point were you can say you fully know them inside and out, have absolute trust, and know in your heart, that there the one, and even at that, would it ever be far to them, becuse I have a idea of what my perfect some is, and it's just this horrible reality with both the first time and second time, and how it ended, nether of those situations were her fault, and becuse of that i can't blame her for eather situation, and as unlikely as it is, that's still what I want.

Again back on topic, with my wife I always had that problem of comparing her to my love, and a prity big chunk of me still wanted her but out of respect for her choice I stayed away, and This go around I'm not worried about the legal ramifications at all, but it's the fact that I got to the point it did, I'll stay away out of respect, becuse the police are a joke and I'm not afraid of them or the possibility of dieing, but if she and the people in her life thot that was the only option they had, than ya, I feel as tho I have agian lost the right to speack to her honestly, and that's the conclusion I came to after I really sat down and thot about the situation, and I just hate it because I'm not a bad, mean, hatefull, or evil. But wene loyalty and truth becomes a problem I don't know why, I litterly can't explain it, but it sets me off, and so know she has the first time she ended it because I questioned her loyalty and lost it wene she called off our marriage, and now this time, again it was overly complicated and I could never understand all her feelings about all of it, and again I lost it, and didnt go about it correctly, I just hope she knows who I am as a person, like I was able to prove that to her over the course of the month and that I really tried my best but everybody has a breaking point and I guess mines a month.

Good dame I keep going on tangents. Ya so I'm not looking for flings or a girlfriend, I've already played those games way to much and had my fill of it, and I just don't want to approach it in a jaded way, or just have unrealistic standards, becuse there's only one love, and she can never be replaced, but maby there's someone different out there that can also be a love, not a replacement but just everything I want and more and, hopefully better, becuse I'm starting to think that looking for a replacement isn't the right way to go about it, like it seems like a toxic mindset or a self defeating prophecy, becuse you can't replace a person everybody's unique, and you can't just find a replacement. And I think I understand that know

So I hate wording it like this, but the hunt isnt for a replacement it's for something better in it's own special way, and I hate wording it like becuse at surface value it sounds like, there could be a better version of her or like there is just someone better, but that's not the case, it's just I need to find someone who's special in there Owen way and not sit there and compare here to my love.

Suppriseingly the dreams stopped and again I don't want it to seem like my interest in her is gone or any less, but that burning need to have her in my life isn't realy there just because, the way things ended this go around and everything that went into it, if she doesn't feel the same, than I mean that's just life at that point, it's a shame we didn't get a chance to rebuild it, but I helped however I could and anyway shed let me, and again I still love her more than anything, but the situation wasnt exactly open and shut, and if things got to a point we're fear is involved, than ya, I wish I could say sorry, but thats not really a option now.

I don't know, I think honestly just sitting here a writing this shirt story I finally put some of the pieces together.

If she ever calls I'll drop whatever I'm doing and give her 100% of me and all I can give, and becuse the odds of that are really low I think, I'm going to try and find someone, and not set any kind of standard based off of past relationships and personality traights that compare to her, or make any comparisons at all to her, this process will take a long time, but I need to find someone who is special in there Owen way, and accept who they are without comparison, not a replacement but just something new, the only expectation, and only thing that is a must, is trust, loyalty, and loves me for me, becuse that's not right and it dosnt make scene to compare someone to a very special person from my past, becuse there's only one love, I've searched high and low, there's not another, so who knows maby one day, but ya I've explained that enough, so ya who would have thot all it would take is a short story to figure out how I should approach the next person