#Tic later kicked his ass in sparing

[matchademi]

Tic:*on an hour of sleep and extremely grumpy trying to make himself caffanated hot chocolate (expresso and hot chocolate kinda thing)

Two-bit: good morning, kid!! *drinks one of the shots of expresso like an actual shot

Tic:*slowly turning around, his head jerking to the side* Copaani mirshmure’cye!!!?

Lix:welp, someone is gonna die today

[iraniq]

Fuzzy

part II

https://iraniq.tumblr.com/post/613580215745167360/fuzzy

< I forgot to mention when i post part 1 - that’s dedicated to all people who see themselfes as not good enough for some reason, i see me fat, that’s why i rote it from that perspective ... ya’ll worthy tho! > 

*

The next thing I know is how there are gun shots all over the place, I think I saw blood on the sheets, I fell off the bed and roll under. So shocked that I couldn't even scream. 

I had no idea how long I was under the bed. Suddenly I heared his voice.

  - Fluffy? Oh, Fluffy... Where are you?

I knew it was him, it was his voice... But what if, someone was pretending to be him. I stayed quiet.

  - Could she ran away?

  - No Ser! I was right outside and didn't saw anyone. 

  - Are you sure... 

  - Yes!

It got quiet outside. A sharp light blinded me.

  - Here you are! - he grabbed my hand and dragged me outside. I was still shaking and made several steps back. He was squeezing me, but let go. - Come on... - he opened his hands for me, holding a gun. - Daddy isn't scary anymore, come ‘ere! - I hesitated but slowly walked to him. He hugged me with his free hand. 

  - See sir, she was just scared of you. - the man said. This one wasn't the usual one who accompany him. 

The Joker started breathing more heavy, he squeezed me tighter and stepped a little left. Another gun shot was heared. Then a thud of a gun on the furry carpet. He hugged me even tighter. 

  - It's OK, no one will scare you now! 

We stayed like this for several seconds, then he motioned me where to go, ordering me not to look back, because of the blood.

We were in his car, the day was rainy,  and he was driving through the nothing. 

  - Are you OK? I think I saw blood on the sheets. – I barely mumbled with a still shaking voice.

  - What... 

  - Are you, all right.

  - Yes... Yes I am. 

  - Did someone tried to kill you? 

  - No...

  - Then what happened?

He was looking at the road, but his thoughts were speeding elsewhere.

  - I had a nightmare.

  - Am... I am sorry to hear this. - we were silent for a while - Where did you take the gun from?

  - Under the pillow.

  - You sleep with a gun under your pillow?

  - There are attempts for my Death through the past 10 years... Even before I got that famous. - he looked at me winking.

  - The road. - I screamed. 

  - Chill ... I know this road. 

  - But it is raining now...

  - So? You question my driving skills?

  - Why do you think it is always about you, why always must be against you what I say? I just mentioned that it's raining and...

  - It might be slippery. I know. I am paying attention to the road, although you are not helping much. 

  - I am sorry... I will be quiet. - I mumbled.

  - It's not your words that bother me, it's your looks.

I tried to cover my fat belly with the jacket I had.

  - You are welcome... 

I frowned my eyebrows.

  - For the compliment. 

' He complimented my body... that's it, I must be dead now! '

We were quiet a little bit more... He suddenly hit the breaks.

  - No! - He looked at me. And pulled my jeans jacket. I had a light knee long silk night dress.

  - What... Let go … - I pulled it back.

  - I meant your half naked tits... – he has this nervous tic to slick back his hair, even when it’s ok - Whoever speaks to you like this I will shoot them!

  - The ones who... speak to me like you do... - I was confused, and more ashamed than scared.

  - No...- he finally let go of the jacket and let me cover. - Whoever told you you weren't good looking.

  - Well... It's a long story.

  - Ugh... Spare me the suffer... - he rolled his eyes, got out and opened the door for me. - Come! - he demanded. He played a song on his phone and we danced. He had hugged me and we slowly swinged. I could feel him enjoying the hug, but he was trying to make it less obvious.

Several songs later. It turned cold and we had to stop. 

  - What... Why are you shivering? - he growled.

  - It's cold and I am mostly naked.

  - Fat won't keep you warm? - he laughed.

  - Unpopular opinion, but fat on humans don't keep it that warm, as on amimals... - I smiled.

He hugged me again and rubbed my back. 

  - Do you want my Jacket?

  - You don't have one on you. - I laughed.

  - Ugh... Jump back in the car then. - he slapped my but.

We went in, he put the heat on. And rubbed my thigh, I jumped. - Chill... - he got my hand in his. - The rape think was to scare you... I won't - he let go of my hand. - I might be anything, but 2 things I am not - rapist abd pedophile.

I smiled. 

  - Yes... I am actually ticklish, that's why I jumped... But it's good to know this. - I blushed. He winked at me.

He drove us back to his place. It was dark already. He let me in the kitchen to make us some food. After I was done he invited me in the bathroom. There was a bathtub ready and a table. I took my clothes off and settled in front of him. He put the wooden panel on the bathtub, so we could eat while taking a bath.

  - Please … - he hugged me - don't drop food in the tub! – he said that almost purring and I’d lie if I saw I wasn’t turn on.

I giggled. 

He put shampoo in my hair and washed it.

  - Why are you so gentle with me? - I felt deeply attracted and connected to him, becauset still I didn't knew him and from what others say and he didn't exactly deny, he wasn't a nice person. 

  - Well... Maybe because I want to.

I turned to face him. His hair was wet, and so green.

  - It looks more green when wet. - I reached to touch it, but remembered what he said before. - May I?

He nodded his head and I dug my fingers through the green hair, slicking it back. I smiled, then I ruffled it and laughed. 

  - Hey... - he slicked it back.

  -  I love this color... 

  - Green, or bright neon colors.

  - Can I pick both?

He smiled. Then he frowned.

  - Off! - he ordered in a harsh voice. I turned my back at him. - Off the tub! - he shouted and I jumped out, in the process I slipped and fell, but got up and ran to the bedroom. 

In like hour, I was still lying naked, covered in a sheet and reading a book, he had on his night stand - Terry Pratchett - Mort. I had started it several years back, , but never finished it, since it wasn’t mine. He came in, slowly, he was even more pale and his lips were blue. I looked up, but he frowned and I looked away. He slipped under the covers and snuggled. 

  - OH! - I yelled. - You are cold!

-        Dead cold!

-        Yes … - I tried to move away, but he didn’t let me go.

  - The waster was cold. 

  - Well you stayed for an hour. It was expected to be cold at the end. Why didn't you put hot one.

  - I was lazy.

  - Why didn't you call me?

  - You are mad.

  - No, I am not.

  - Yes. You are! 

  - No I am not! - 'is he for real'

  - Because I yelled at you.

  - I am... You want me to be mad at you?

  - You shold!

  - Well I am not... Come. - I put the book away, as he snuggled more in me. - You are naked. - I whispered putting my chin on his forehead.

  - It's not the first time we are both naked in my bed.

  - Don't exactly remember the 1st time. - I joked.

  - Want me to remind you? - he wasn't finished when I felt his hand slipping down on me.

I woke up the next day very sore on many places, with an envelope at the empty pillow next to me. There were money  and a note : he was informing me that he won't be available for the next two weeks, but after I am more than welcome for breakfast... And fun. There was a big kiss

I went home, paid whatever I was supposed to. Get me a second job.

Had a fight with my mother about the "dump" I live in. The lack of proper men in my life. Obviously my mindless and rude ex, who had a prestige job, was a way better choice than someone who actually treats me nice and cares about me... Horay!

The next time I spend the night at he house I woke up by his pissed voice, I jumped off the bed.

  - Where to, sweet patootie?

  - I thought you yelled at me... Lover boy?

He made a low growl.

  - I am loosing at this ... Damn Game!

  - Let me... Stack Ball? I am master at this. - Four levels later, he was dozing off on my shoulder. I accidentaly got out of the game. I saw... My mostly naked body as a wallpaper.

  - A what...

  - What?! - he got up holding a gun.

  - Why do you have a naked picture of me! - I was yelling at the one person even Bats got the chills of.

He looked confused.

  - Why... Do y...

  - I heard you the 1st time sweets, why woudn't I? You are my girlfriend.

  - I am... fat... - I was more shocked he called me 'girlfriend', but I decided not to go that far.

  - And a little bit of your but was hairy whem I took that one. – he laughed like a 5 years old who knows they betray a huge secret by telling it in a joke-ish way.

I felt the tears running down.

  - Why... what's wrong... - he took his pants of - Take a naked picture of me, we will be even. - he threw the phone in my lap.

  -  I am ugly, get this away! - I throw the phone back and the blanket too.

He stood in front of me and squeezed my face in his hand so hard I flinched.

  - You are not. I like what I see, if you don't like it, it's not my problem. I like your orange ass and the wiggly piece of fat on your bellt, it's a nice pillow... What?

  - You are pretty and you like me. - I cried.

  - How many times should I repeat this so you'd believe me?! Because it's getting annoying, and I might end up killing you... Which would be a shame, you are exellent breakfast biddy and a pillow. - he wiped my tears - At some point I will get tired of this and kick you away. I will find me s skinny blond dumb bitch.

- Hey ... blond girls are smart too ...

- I know … - he squeezed my cheek.

- You will be bored... - I joked.

  - I will... - he lyed on me again - now play that game, and win me a nice record. Definetly higher than yours.

Soon after he dozzed off again.

Next morning I woke up alone again. When I decided to check how much of a 'mornong' it is, I was met with his almost naked body on my wallpaper. His black pants, unbuttomed and sooo low. A purple shirt, almost off. One hand was... Down there, and it was visible enough what's inside. I figured he took the pic with his free hand … it was a specific angle. It was a one time in life view.

  - You like it sugar pops? I can smell you blush from here! - he laughed. - Just unlock it and see the other one.

  - How about NO! - I threw the phone like it had the plague.

  - Oooh... I made these with love... Is this how you thank me! - his voice was low and pissed.

  - Maybe after breakfast. - I smiled.

  - Fine...

He handed me a bowl of cornflakes, fruits and ypgurt. All breakfast time he spend looking at the bluish clouded sky. The sun was trying to peek behind the clouds, the view was really breathtaking.

I felt anxious. Urged myself to say something.

  - Breathtaking...

  - Yes!

  - The clouds...

  - I know.... - he whined.

Next thing he was squeezing my face, trying to put some food in.

  - I don't luke vegan stuff.

  - I don't like your attitude either! Now eat!

While trying to chew, some run down my chin.

  - Can you not! ... I hate babies.

  - Eww, me too! - I wiped it away.

Don't know what I did, or said, but he laughed till he cried.

It has been several months since I kinda moved there. I learned not to be that intimidated by him, which lead to me talking back quite often. On the other hand this led to huge fights that often ended up with me going to my old place, that I still rented. At some point his jealous-ish and obssed behaviour birthed the idea of setting the place on fire, so I'd have nowhere to leave.

One of his super trusted henchmen was left eyeless. He got them out with a spoon after the poor man said "Hey, Joker whose is that fat brat?" - followed by - "Who'd hate his dick that much!" - I suspect J cut his tongue too. But did't wanted to konow...

Monty... I believe he was... I see him begging on the side street of the boulevards when me and J had midnight car walks. I feel bad for him, although his stupidity wasn't my fault. Sometimes I sneak out and Frost drives me there, I leave him food.

There were no more fuzzy nights, he wasn't drinking or doing drugs, although that was a popular opinion, he had super healthy lifestyle... Did I mentioned he is build like a fucking god! Sometimes I had a glass of wine, or 2 for a mood. He'd joke that before I hit 30 I am already the old fun always drunk auntie, just missing the cats.

He named one of my stretch marks ‘Simon” when I swing around gaining and loosing weight, Simon grows …” Simon says ‘eat’! “ – Joker teases me when he inspects Simon.

I got some extra special treatment besides the hair washing like feet massages and book reading when his insomnia kicks in. Make up real life tutorials – he looks good in purple eye shadow tho. He got my long nails, scratching his hands. His nerves were a little numb by the bleach bath. But he could feel scratch. He got the chills it rather cute, in an odd way. I also colored his dragon tattoo once … he almost overdose on slipping pills once … so I had the chance. He was fine. Just dead asleep.

The most embarassing thing happened like 2 weeks ago. Me and J broke in that councilman's house. We were in the outside jakuzzi when Bats came, ironically we were naked. He, bats, saw my back tities, and I am now sure, if he didn't needed mental help, he will be now. He was as shocked as us. Obvipusly seeing the Joker, the self loving, arrogant, perfectionist, demanding more then the best, mad at the world, with quite almost fat girl was a real shock. Bats just apologized and left. J laughed so much, he almost drowned, drinking half the pool.

J send Bats a letter 2 days after:

" Bats, I an so dissapoined you storm in like that, it took me so long to convince her to hoop in naked in the all glass pool/jakuzzi. Hope you are happy now. I won't get laid tonight because of you. Also... If you try something else besides blond, skinny dumb sluts /yes I know blond girls are smart, duh/, you might have a relationship longer than 17h. Also... The last "lady you took tp the charity ball... Dman man, I won't even get the lil J naked in front of her! You can do better boy billionaire! "

p.s. I am still fat, but I don’t care anymore, I am a Queen and I love me so bad, ask the King!

______________

@diyunho @rhina988 @nikkitasevoli @sougie @lovermrjokerr @darthjokerisyourfather @marsmad @itsmeauntie @echelongaga @brightlightsfanfiction @mj-isback @gemma60 @elliegrace139 @lylabell2013 @pandaliciouz @misscalamiity

sorry if i miss someone 

[foreverfamilyforevervongola]

Fevered State

Rating: T Summary: Xanxus has the task of bringing Fran to the airport so he can catch his flight to Japan. He has a business meeting beforehand, so the pair stay at a hotel where they will wait until it’s time to leave for Fran’s early morning departure. During the night Fran catches a high fever, and it’s up to Xanxus to ensure his health does not take a turn for the worse. Note: Happy Reborn Day!

Leather suitcase with gold clasps resting on the top of red silk sheets, Xanxus slammed the lid shut, a sharp scowl on his features. Hooking two fingers beneath the padded handle he hoisted it up and stormed into the corridor, boots pounding forcefully against the marble floor. Crimson eyes flashing to the silver watch around his wrist, his scowl deepened when he realized the time. He removed his cell phone from his pocket and dialled the number of his illusionist for the third time.

“Time is money. You waste my time, you owe me. Fees will be determined at my discretion and you will be invoiced.”

Xanxus snarled at Mammon’s monotone voice recording. “You’re the one wasting my effing time, you piece of merda. When I get my effing hands on you I’m going to snap your neck.”

He hung up and very nearly flung his phone against the wall just to spite Mammon, who couldn’t stand the unnecessary purchases they made. But he only cracked the screen, his fingers curling tightly around the device.

It didn’t go past his notice that his bond with Mammon was restricted this particular day, the illusionist’s emotions distant and subdued. Wherever he was, Mammon knew very well he was going to be in for hell when he got home—he was, after all, the one who left Xanxus a note informing him that he had to take Fran to the airport to make his flight to Japan for early tomorrow morning.

Striding into the wing of the mansion where the spare rooms were housed, Xanxus kicked open the closed door, sending it sailing from its hinges. The nine-year-old illusionist ducked to avoid getting clipped in the head, watching as the wood splintered against the opposite wall.

“You probably go through a lot of doors in this place,” Fran drawled. “Knocking also works, though it’s probably not destructive enough for you.”

“There’s already a damn good chance of you not making it back Japan alive,” growled Xanxus. “It’s in your best interest not to make it worse. Are you effing ready?”

Fran hefted his duffel bag over his shoulders. “Yup.”

“Get your ass to the truck.”

Fran strode past Xanxus, pulling an irritated face when the man slapped the back of his head. As he headed for the stairs Xanxus retraced his steps and ventured towards Belphegor’s bedroom. He opened the door in the same manner he had Fran’s and the blonde jolted up from his lazy position on his bed.

“What the hell?” he demanded, glaring at the fallen door. “What was that for?”

“For not effing knowing where Mammon is,” hissed Xanxus.

Belphegor shrugged his shoulders in a dismissive manner. “I’m not his keeper. He just said he was going to run a few errands and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. I didn’t really care where he was going. Isn’t it your job to know where we are?”

He dove to the floor in the nick of time, a series of bullets piercing through his wall and causing chips of paint and plaster to rain down. Xanxus’ fury boiled through his bond and Belphegor grinned, knowing it was mostly towards Mammon’s little disappearing act. Xanxus absolutely despised it when he wasn’t aware of where they were at all times and Belphegor couldn’t wait to see what punishment Mammon would receive.

Levi immediately stepped out from his bedroom, lingering in the hallway outside of the prince’s room. “Oi, are you bothering Boss again?” he demanded.

Xanxus whirled around, eyes narrowing. “It’s your effing fault too. Why the hell can’t you bring the small trash to the airport? I’ve got merda to do and this is all a damn waste of my time.”

Levi eyed the barrel of Xanxus’ gun with apprehension, keeping watch for the minute tic that would be enough of a signal to send him diving for cover. “I would love to bring the brat to the airport for you, Boss, but then Bel would be left home alone.”

“Hey, I’m not a child anymore. I’m not gonna burn the place down. Again.”

Xanxus shot a glower at the blonde. In the back of his mind, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, it did make the most sense for him to deliver Fran to the airport. He had a meeting to attend at a hotel conference center and it was located ten minutes away from the airport. It was really the only option, with Lussuria and Squalo currently in Russia and Mammon taking off to do Lord knows what. Levi could take Fran, but there was no way in hell Xanxus was leaving Belphegor to his own devices. He could order Belphegor to go with him, for the prince knew better than to disobey, but it would create more headaches than he wanted to deal with.

“You’re all useless.”

He fired a few more bullets to emphasize his remark (Levi ducked in time and something shattered in Belphegor’s room) and stormed off. Fran was waiting next to his black truck when he appeared outside, the afternoon sunlight casting a glare off the sleek and shiny exterior.

Using his automatic keypad, the locks undid themselves with a solid click and Fran lazily swung open the back door and climbed across the smooth seat. Xanxus climbed into the driver’s seat and slammed his door shut forcefully.

Fran eyed the back of his head. “If you’re going to have coronary, I can stay here and take a limo to the airport tonight.”

The image of the nine-year-old wandering through the expansive airport terminal at four in the morning, when his flight was due to leave, caused Xanxus to frown. “We’re not wasting two trips on your sorry ass,” he said roughly. “You go by yourself and something happens to you, Rokudo is going to lose his merda and come after me. Then Sawada will have a damn breakdown when he learns I’ve killed one of his Guardians.”

Fran gave his head a shake. “That’s a very specific scenario.”

“You don’t shut up and I’m going to give you a scenario on the dozen ways I can destroy you in the three hours it takes to get to this forsaken hotel.”

Smirking slightly, Fran leaned back against the seat, arms crossed loosely over his chest. Xanxus started his vehicle and they were soon on their way, cruising through the backroads and beautiful cities. The radio played a consistent stream of songs, both current and old. When they were forty-five minutes into their journey and Fran stayed silent, Xanxus shifted his gaze towards the rear-view mirror, raising his hand to adjust it.

The boy was sleeping soundly, his head resting against the window and seemingly unbothered by the motions as the truck went over bumps and cracks. His mouth hung open slightly, softly puffing out air every few seconds.

Small miracle, thought Xanxus with a quiet snort, returning his attention to the road.

…

Three hours later they reached their destination, and Fran had not stirred once. Xanxus found this unusual, for while the kid was lazy he didn’t tend to drift off during the day. Parking his truck, he said sharply, “We’re here, small trash. Wake up or spend the night in here.”

Fran’s eyes cracked open and sat up, his head giving a dull pound. “What time is it?”

“Seven.”

“I thought your meeting started at six forty-five.”

“So?”

“It’s rude to be late.”

Xanxus rolled his eyes, quickly missing the quiet that had come with Fran’s slumber. “Get out. Bring my suitcase with you.”

Fran obeyed, snagging his bag along with Xanxus’ luggage. They exited the vehicle and crossed the parking lot, venturing towards the high-arched entrance. Xanxus shoved open the double glass doors and strode for the reception area. The nine-year-old felt the pressure in the room turn tense, Xanxus’ presence dominating the atmosphere. Employees were hastily moving to step out of his way, fearful glints in their eyes, and the receptionist at the desk was failing at hiding her anxiety.

Xanxus ignored her attempts at small talk, tossing his credit card carelessly over the wide oak desk and causing the receptionist to fumble for it. After it was processed, he gave his signature and shoved the key card into his pocket.

“Watch him,” he ordered sharply, “while I get this merda over with.”

Fran wrinkled his nose in annoyance. He was tired and all he wanted to do was pass out in a warm bed for more sleep. “Why can’t I wait in the hotel room?”

“Because I said so.”

With that, Xanxus spun on his heel and disappeared in the direction of one of the many conference rooms. The receptionist immediately turned her attention on Fran and asked earnestly, “May I get you anything?”

His throat suddenly feeling dry, Fran nodded. “Orange juice.”

“Of course, right away!”

Fran went to sit on one of the purple plush chairs, bags resting by his feet. A sweat broke out on the back of his neck and his eyelids grew heavy. A busboy quickly appeared with a can of orange juice, which Fran guzzled down. It relieved the scratchiness but only temporarily.

“You know what, give me half a dozen of these,” he muttered, idly rubbing his throat.

Xanxus returned to the lobby an hour later, where he found Fran still slouched in a chair, empty silver juice cans by his feet and head resting back, mouth hanging open as he slept. Shaking his head in annoyance, he approached the kid and kicked Fran’s side harshly. The teal-haired child jolted awake with groggy grumble, eyes narrowing in bleary ire.

“What?”

“I don’t know why you’re tired. You don’t ever effing do anything,” sneered Xanxus.

“It’s exhausting putting up with you people.”

Xanxus landed another kick and started for the elevator. Fran stood up, grabbed the bags and shuffled after him. They rode to the fourth floor and crossed through the mosaic-patterned carpet for their room. The second they entered the space Fran went for the double bed situated closest to the bathroom and collapsed into the sheets.

Xanxus arched an eyebrow at the soft snores that emitted from the small form. “Useless,” he muttered under his breath. He went over, lifted Fran further up the bed and jerked the covers over his body. He set the bedside alarm for three in the morning and went to retrieve a bottle of tequila from the minibar.

…

It was past midnight when severe discomfort cut through Xanxus, abruptly awaking him. He sat upright and snapped his gaze towards Fran. His eyes rapidly adjusting to the dark, he could make out the small frame curled beneath the blankets, trembling slightly. Xanxus swung his legs over the edge of his bed and went to the kid’s side, fingers pressing against the back of his neck.

It was burning.

Swearing, Xanxus ripped the blankets and sheets off of Fran’s body. In the haze of his illness he managed to register that his source of warmth was taken. Eyes inching open, Fran clawed for the end of the blanket, shivers racking his body.

Xanxus tossed the covers across the room, knowing Fran was in no condition to go after them. He strode for the bathroom, grabbing a white washcloth from the rack and soaking it in cold water. There was a wrapped thermometer in the medicine cabinet and he ripped off the plastic.

Fran had bundled himself in a ball and Xanxus gripped his wrists, forcing him into a sitting position. “Don’t move.”

Fran sagged against the headboard and Xanxus draped the cloth over his forehead. Beads of water slid down his flushed skin. His lips parted slightly, allowing Xanxus to slip the thermometer beneath his tongue.

With a brief couple of minutes to spare waiting for the results, Xanxus retrieved his cell phone from his jacket pocket. He was not surprised to see a missed call from Rokudo and dialled him back. When there was an answering click, he said sharply, “Brat’s got a fever.”

“I thought as much,” returned Mukuro, voice coloured with concern. “How high?”

“Don’t know yet. Pretty effing high. He’s still alive, but he’s not going to be if you keep bothering me, scum.”

“Ah.” Mukuro did not bother to keep the amusement from his tone, knowing full well Fran was in no danger of succumbing to his fever, not with Xanxus around. “Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t violate the no medication rule unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Don’t patronize me. I effing live with an illusionist, I know the damn drill.”

“I’ll leave you to it. I must say, I’m rather surprised you bothered to return my call. I appreciate it.”

Xanxus growled under his breath and hung up, tossing his phone onto his nightstand table. He reached over and plucked the thermometer from Fran’s lips, scanning the reading. “Ah, hell,” he muttered, brow creasing at the one hundred and four degree Fahrenheit result.

He lifted Fran easily into his arms and strode for the bathroom. He cranked the nozzle and lukewarm water started gushing into the tub. At the sensation of his socks being removed from his feet, Fran felt a bloom of panic grow behind the fog of his fevered delirium.

“Don’t take off my clothes,” he slurred, unknowingly transitioning to his native language.

��You’re worrying about the wrong thing right now, small trash,” returned Xanxus, switching from Italian to French smoothly. “I’m leaving a damn layer on, relax.”

Fran did, head resting against the silk material of Xanxus’ pajamas, washcloth sliding slightly down his face. Xanxus removed the jogging pants, apple hood and burgundy sweater, leaving the child in his underwear and undershirt. He dipped two fingers to test the water, ensuring it wasn’t at a temperature that would cause Fran’s fever to take a turn for the worse.

Deeming it acceptable, he lowered Fran into the tub, his clothes quickly plastering to his body. Fran rested his head against the white porcelain, brow creasing in frustration as his body continued to shake. Xanxus took the washcloth, pausing to smooth Fran’s teal hair away from his face. He rinsed it under the sink tap with more cold water and placed it over the boy’s forehead.

“You’re a real pain in the ass.”

“’Mm not, you are,” returned Fran tiredly.

Xanxus leaned against the wall, eyebrow raising. “I wonder what it’ll take to silence that smart mouth of yours. Death?”

“You wish. I’ll come back and haunt the crap out of you.”

“We’ll see about that, small trash.”

Fran’s muscles eased slightly and his head lolled to the side. Staring blearily at Xanxus, his throat on fire, he said, “Thirsty.”

“Is that an order?”

“No. It’s a demand.”

“It’s the same damn thing, you idiot.”

But Xanxus went to retrieve juice from the mini-fridge and returned it to the child. For a brief moment, he wondered what the hell was wrong with him, playing nursemaid. But then contentment flared through him when he handed Fran the drink and he was reminded why. His chest rose and fell in resignation, knowing that despite his best efforts he had grown attached to the kid. The bond was there, new and developing, getting stronger day by day, and there was nothing even he could do to stop it.

When Fran finished the juice Xanxus handed him the thermometer. The teal-haired child placed it under his tongue, sinking a little lower in the water. Xanxus sat against the edge of the tub, arms crossed over his chest. Fran glanced over at him and muttered, “You don’t have to stay.”

“Shut up.” Xanxus reached out and held Fran’s jaw firmly, preventing him from talking and keeping the thermometer in place. “You die and I have to deal with the effing aftermath.”

Fran made a quiet hum of amusement and closed his eyes. Xanxus loosened his grip and, after a couple of minutes, removed the thermometer. It was slightly lower, but not quite enough.

For the next hour, Fran sat half-submerged in the tub, drinking the water and juice Xanxus would bring him. He would fall in and out of sleep, rousing when strong fingers would pull on his teal strands, for another thermometer reading. It was past one in the morning when Fran’s temperature reduced to one hundred and one, his health no longer at risk.

“All right, small trash. I’m effing tired.”

Fran did not answer, either too tired or because he was still too sick to process Italian. Xanxus hefted him out of the tub and set him on the floor. He tossed the kid a fluffy white towel and went to retrieve his pajamas. Fran extended his hand for them when he returned and Xanxus left the kid to it. When ten minutes passed with no sound, Xanxus furrowed his brow and shoved open the bathroom door.

Fran was sprawled out on the tiles, snoring loudly and his soaked clothes in a pile on the sink. Xanxus rolled his eyes and gave the kid’s side a nudge, but received no reaction. He was out cold.

“You’re a lot more trouble than you’re effing worth,” he informed, hoisting Fran into his arms.

The boy instinctively curled into Xanxus’ chest, fingers clutching at the material of his black pajamas. For a sick, slumbering child, the grip was surprisingly tight and no amount of tugging would relinquish it. Happiness and peace hummed through his bond and Xanxus sighed.

He turned off the bathroom light and went to bed, Fran resting over his chest. Xanxus curled his hand over the back of the boy’s neck, the skin no longer scorching to the touch, and turned off the alarm clock.

“You ever speak of this to anyone and I’ll shoot your brains out,” he rumbled, closing his eyes and quickly falling asleep, Fran secure in his hold.

[nyctobvi-blog]

BECOMING A CERTIFIED DIVER WHEN YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DIVING

I dove once before on a very commercial Great Barrier Reef tour - all the coral was dead. But the BVI is apparently a great place to dive, so with the spare time on my hands I thought why not get certified? 

The place to do it on Tortola is Blue Water Divers in Nanny Cay. For $450 USD over 4 days you get a textbook and 4 full days of diving to complete the PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) Open Water Dive Certification. I went into this process totally blind, so I thought I’d recap the day by day experience here to share my candid perspective.

The short of it is - you will feel like you are in school again with the required reading and homework, but you will feel great to learn a new skill and meet some interesting people while at it.

DAY 1 Wow, I fucking hate diving. The weights, those tanks, the skills you must learn  - UGFH - what the hell? I’m not supposed to be down there with the fish anyway - it’s so obvious - they even look at you oddly like GET A LIFE.  I’m up at 6:30 to get my act together and fly through the first chapter of this textbook. I get a 90% of quiz 1 - hooray confidence boost. 30 knots later with a tremendous amount of water spraying down the whole of the boat, I was not so stoked.

This is actually more like torture than fun, the conditions were choppy, it was cold and I had a swimsuit that was very revealing to some particular body parts. Nevertheless I will say it was simulating to throw yourself into an environment and a practice you know absolutely nothing about, and feel a bit clueless as you work with gear you’ve never touched before - let alone assemble for yourself to serve as the ultimate lifeline for your underwater journey. Also having to learn new ways to communicate with your dive instructor in sign language at the most critical moments of the experience is something else, too.

I do 3 tank setups and then we do dive #1 - a set of skills, followed by another dive and set of skills, then another dive and set of skills. The last dive at least we saw a green turtle with a head the size of a small child. And some pretty purple coral and some nice fish with electric and interesting patterns.  I was so cold at one point (even in a spring suit) that my fingertips were white and a little purple. To be honest, the best underwater life I ever saw was off Beachcomber Island in Fiji just going along with snorkels. Oh, and we got in a screaming match with another boat because he thought we were standing on the coral. He was an idiot, we were on the rocks and the diving group has the most respect for the environment out of any one out there. I though about cancelling the whole certification, I was pretty miserable, but told myself to stop bitching and suck it up. But right now I’m really dreading the 75 pages I have to read before I’m up at 6am for day 2.

DAY 2 Nitrogen. It makes you really sleepy. Incredibly sleepy. But thats what happens when you dive. So weird. Today was MUCH better than yesterday. Cant even compare. I’m so glad I came back. 

I got scolded for not doing my reading though - having failed my 2 chapter quiz this am. I felt like a real jerk not having done my homework. It’s my ass after all! Nevertheless, today we had much more interesting people (a nice man from San Fran and some Polish guys) and a great instructor who really knew his stuff but was also cracking jokes underwater - a South African guy who was just laughs and made the whole experience much more enjoyable. We played tic-tac-toe on his writing slate at one point while we were waiting on another diver to finish her skills. If you’re not having fun down there what’s the point? And the weather was normal, an obvious mood booster and plus. We did 3 dives, more mask flooding, at one point leaving it off for a minute and then ‘losing’ it completely and having to ‘search’ for it (I was led by the instructor through this though) but that was the scariest part of our skills for today. I wear contacts so open eyes underwater is a no-no. 

We did 30 skills total today - super nuts - and saw a massive string ray.  Watching their lungs move is in incredible. We all had a few beers on the way back which was nice. I still think being underwater is super odd; at one point in between skills I was just standing there in my fins and all my gearing front of the reef, hair looking like I’ve been electrocuted, just starting at the coral and imagining to myself how weird this whole thing is.  Anyway now I have to do my reading otherwise I will fail my exam tomorrow. Did I mention I’m writing this from a place called Peg Legs?

DAY 3 This routine is becoming a bit boring - we had to pick up two groups again from boats that took about half an hour, including a family - yawn. Wow just realized they all have painted purple toenails (wtf). They’ve just clarified there is absolutely no reason for the painting of the purple toenails which I find even weirder now. We also picked up the funny Polish guys again off their boat; their wives were enjoying a champagne brunch. I just started at them with envy. It really goes without saying that I'd much prefer to be on that boat than slapping a spring suit on and getting all this gear in place. 

I passed my daily morning quiz though, after cramming 150 pages of knowledge into my head last night. This course is fully like being in school again - the dive shop lady greeted me with a "have you done your homework?" today.  I had a not so nice respond in my head.  Anyway, it's been nice to pour myself into something new nonetheless, especially when it’s so outside of my normal activity set (which to be honest as a New Yorker is not all that outdoorsy). I dunno how these guys do this every day though; the instructors are lovely and really have a good time together and with the clients which is nice. They clearly love diving. I still think it's cool but super weird, BUT I’m really stoked because I finished my diving skills today and I’m partially certified! Wasn’t expecting that. I had to fill in my log book and then I got all these stamps. Was a great feeling to have applied myself to this and complete it. Having gone down another 20 get today though, the nitrogen absolutely kicked my ass. Our final dive in Pellican’s Cove was really nice though; I kept thinking to myself what great color schemes the coral and reef made - there were beautiful deep olive greens, lavenders & dark purples, variations of tan colors & gentle browns. My friend Bobbi (who loves purple) would have went crazy for it. I also remembered via my textbook reading that purple is the strongest hue to maintain underwater, so perhaps thats why it was so pretty. And there were some really nice, soft feather like marine plants that just waved slowly in the water’s movement along with coral plants that looked like big fans you use when its sweltering. Plus, electric purple fish with bright yellow tails.

DAY 4

I still had to finish my written exam - yikes. 50 multiple choice questions and 10 written dive table problems focused on depth and time. Took me about 90 minutes but I passed! I’m now a certified diver. I never thought I would ever be able to claim that, nor did I really ever have a desire to, but thats what happens when you let the dominos just fall. I’m excited for the opportunity to dive someplace new with soft coral - apparently the best if you’re into colors like I am.

To celebrate, I bought myself a pretty beach cover up (to be fair, I had been wearing Vaughan’s Dark & Stormy T-shirt he probably got at a bar) and went to Frenchman’s Bay. I accidentally stumbled into a massage place again, Serenity Spa here in the harbor. I needed to kill some time but also felt super worked after the pat 3 days of non-stop diving. So Swedish massage it was. Now back at my favorite spot Scaramouch with an Aperol Spritz. So I’m basically in heaven :)