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harrytheehottie · 1 year ago

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‘TIS THE DAMN SEASON PART THREE

a/n: finally!!! the final part of ‘tis the damn season series. it’s a doozy! hope you enjoy!

word count: 5.5k ⭐️ part one ⭐️ part two ⭐️ tell me your thoughts

You wanted to say yes.

You knew you should have said yes.

You were standing in the pub where you first met. He rented the place out for the night - filling it with lights, candles and flowers. He had pictures of the two of you throughout the years placed on every table accompanied by a letter.

The first picture you took in this same pub was one neither of you were aware of. One of his friends took it upon themselves to snap a picture of the two of you talking in the corner and sent it to Harry the same night with a text, “I think you found your girl.” It was a feeling they got, he explained, a feeling that he brushed off but now, was thinking about how much of an idiot he was to not take the hint that night.

It took about 3 years for the two of you to get your shit together - Harry more so than you. It was fun at first, hooking up with no labels or “funny business” until it started to feel like you were someone he was ashamed of. And then one day, it all came out of Harry - his love for you, his deep regret for thinking you never wanted anything more with him and his eagerness to try again.

So, you did. You tried and you were happy, very happy. You and Harry spent 3 months dating slowly learning one another without the clouded judgements that come with sex. He was working on his commitment issues in therapy - something he shared with you quite often. You were proud of him for putting himself first and allowing himself the time to truly open up beyond the surface level. You were a unit, a very happy, solid unit.

Until tonight.

When you wake up that morning to an empty bed and a note next to your morning coffee that reads - “I’ll be out all day, meet me at the pub @ 7? Xx Harry'' you knew something was up. Harry wasn’t new to this random dinners and surprises thing, it was actually something you really loved about him. His ability to always make you feel like you were constantly on his mind. He would send you texts of things he saw throughout his day, a song on the radio you’d like, he’d pick up ingredients for dinner and have it ready when he had some time off and you’d been at work, if you mentioned an artist, play, movie that you’d like to see - he would have it on your calendar and you’d make it down to the O2, Royal Albert Hall, any venue across London with the best seats in the house.

You never really talked about marriage. You had been together for three years and never once spoke about marriage, the future? Yes, but never marriage. As far as you were concerned, Harry didn’t want to get married, didn’t believe that a piece of paper could ever sum up what the bond that the two of you had.

So, when you found yourself in your local pub with Harry down on one knee in front of you his hair parted down the middle - just like you always told him you loved because of the way it framed his face, wearing his olive green blazer with nothing underneath but the thin gold necklace with the banana charm you gave him for an anniversary shining off his chest.

“You mean the absolute world to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Harry spoke as he pulled you in for a hug.

“What’s all this about?” You asked, unaware of what Harry was getting at.

“I love you,” he whispered into your ear before pulling away from the hug and taking a step back.

You could feel the sudden nerves that filled him. The way he started rubbing his hands together, his thumb and pointer finger pulling at his bottom lip, Harry looked down at the ground before looking back at you, his green eyes finding yours, taking a deep breath before falling down to one knee.

You were frozen.

Your heart dropped down when you realized what was going to happen.

Harry was going to propose to you.

“There is no one else out there for me. Will you please give me the privilege of calling you my wife?”

Harry looked up at you, the corner of his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

“Harry,” your voice trembled. You knew it wasn’t what he was expecting, you hated that you had to do this to him. “I…” you couldn’t finish your sentence but Harry knew.

He moved up from his position standing up in front of you, the tears that were supposed to be from happiness now streaming down his face for something much worse. You were still unable to speak. You felt the rush of guilt ruining this moment. You were more aware than ever that you were alone in this pub that had every detail of your relationship over the last 3 years in it.

“S’not how I really pictured this going” Harry snapped you out of whatever daze you were still in.

“Neither did I,” you admitted. “Harry, I am flattered beyond flattered, that isn’t even the right word for what I feel right now. I just never, I just. I feel so bad. I don’t want this to ruin us. I don’t want to regret this. ”

Harry let the tears fall, his brows furrowed his hand running through his hair before finding the way to pull at his bottom lip again. You’ve never seen Harry like this. The mixture of anger and sadness and you don’t believe this is that moment but if it was, you knew you deserved it.

“Believe me, my dear no one will regret this moment more than I will.”

“Harry don’t say that, please don’t say that. Can we just talk - can you hear me out?”

“I invited our family and friends. Planned this whole night with no doubt in my mind you’d say yes, we’d have time to ourselves before our friends and family surprise us in about 20 minutes.”

“They’re coming here?”

“Yes, here. S’why I rented out the entire pub. If I had any indication that you’d say no I probably wouldn’t have planned it this way.” He was being short.

You hated how much you deserved it.

“Harry, I love you so much. I just wish I had a heads up? We never spoke about marriage, I thought you didn’t want to get married when you told me about childhood and traditions and what we did or didn’t want you never once brought up marriage. I just,” you reached out in front of you to hold his hands, your thumb running up and down his knuckles. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you but,”

“You don’t.” Harry said in a low voice, his anger becoming more apparent as he refused to look you in the eye.

“Baby, please”

“Don’t.”

You wished you could take this moment back. Say yes and talk about it later. You wanted a future with Harry, you didn’t see a future without him in it. But there was something telling you to say no. You weren’t ready - you knew the both of you weren’t ready. Harry was about to embark on the craziest tour schedule that you have ever seen and you didn’t know what that meant for the two of you. And now, you were stuck, in the pub that you knew you’d never be able to walk by again, telling the love of your life you couldn’t marry him and trying to create a plan on what you’re going to do when your family makes their way over.

“We could just pretend?” You whispered.

Harry began to chuckle, clapping his hands together, “You want me to spend the next two hours in front of our closest friends and family pretending like you didn’t just… say no to a future with me?”

Before you had the chance to speak up and because timing was never either of your best qualities, the door of the pub opens, starting with Harry’s Mum and sister, Gemma and Anne walking through the door beaming with excitement. They have more flowers, balloons and what appears to be a congratulatory cake.

And it didn’t take long for their excitement to quickly die - the ring box with the ring in hand on the bar next to Harry, the clear distance between the two of you and if that wasn’t enough - the way Harry looked over to his mum and sister, with his brows furrowed, his lips began to tremble and like they were on cue, both women came rushing towards him.

You watched as they hugged and embraced him, the constant sorry’s slipping through their conversation. Neither of them even wanted to ask any follow up questions. If there was any shot of a reconciliation you had to get out of there as soon as possible.

“I’m going,”

“No,we will go, the two of you stay and work out whatever it is you need to. Mum and I will man the door and contact those we need to.” You were quickly cut off by Harry’s sister.

You nodded in agreement, the last thing you wanted was to give them another reason to hate you. They gave Harry one last hug and before the women started to walk away, Anne, Harry’s mother who you grew very fond of through the course of you relationship walked towards you with open arms, whispering “I know you love him, I’ve never been more sure of it and if that love is still there, allow yourselves the chance to fight for that love.”

“No matter what happens Anne, I’ll always think of you as family,” is what you could respond with. Gemma followed her mother, giving you a hug and reminding you that, “it’s your life and we’ll always love you.”

As you watched the two most important women in Harry’s life exit the pub that was supposed to be used to celebrate the next step in you and Harry’s life you wondered if they were trying to mask the disappointment.

“I don’t want to do this.” Harry said. He was short, rightfully so.

“Do you think I want to do this? Do you think I want to do any of this?” Your anger kicking in, “not once have we ever had this discussion. You have never brought up marriage until this very moment, you don’t just ask someone to marry you without bringing it up first.”

“Sorry, here I was thinking that proposals were supposed to be surprises,” he was pissed. You knew it from the second you rejected him. It always starts off slow, frustration turns to sadness and then into anger. You’ve never been the subject of that anger, until now.

“Do you know what a marriage is? It’s not a fancy wedding and an excuse to have a party. It takes work - what am I meant to do when you’re on tour for 9 months out of the year? Drop everything to be by your side? Give up my career so you could live out yours? We don’t even live together Harry, for fucks sakes. What shall I do with my house? Sell it and move into yours? Everything about our relationship from the day it started has been about you - when do you want me around, when is it time for you to want to take me seriously, and one day finally you came to your senses and apologized for the hell you put me through. Do you know how that feels? How does that mess with someone? I love you Harry, I love us. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that deep down something inside me will always wonder if I’m just here until you find your next best - no one makes the girl you've been stringing along for years the girlfriend, and now you expect me to say yes to being a wife?”

You were exhausted. You felt every emotion that you buried deep inside come rushing out.

“You’re still holding onto things from years ago and you know s’not fair. I was a dickhead, I owned that, I’m ashamed of that. I want you, I want every part of you for the rest of my life,” Harry’s green eyes meeting yours, you felt every word he was saying but you knew you couldn’t, not now.

“I believe you Harry and I love you so much, that’s why I can’t,” you were aware of how hypocritical you were being. You needed to think.

“You can’t even say it, s’pathetic, is this your way of getting back at me? If so s’working if that’s what you were going for.” His accent getting more thick stumbling over his words, a sign that this conversation was far from over.

“If that’s what you think Harry then I don’t know if I have anything else to say to you.”

“S’not what I think? It’s what I know. S'pose to the love of my life and she can’t even say she’s rejecting me, s’pathetic, rented out this pub, bought a ring, got our friends and family excited.”

“You’re not being fair Harry.” You knew he was speaking from a place of hurt but you also knew, if you stood there any longer and allowed him to keep going - you’d both say something you could never take back.

“Fair? S’not fair?”

You moved closer to him, and when he didn’t step back from your advance towards him, it gave you hope that you’d be able to come back from this. You took his hands into yours, and looked him in the eye, searching for the familiarity and love that you always knew was there, even when you were going through the worst of it, “Harry, I want this to work, I love you.” You put your arms out to hug him and he fell into you - the comfort of his body embracing yours, your hands running circles around his back, you knew that it would take some work but you and Harry always came back to each other. “I’m going to go now.”

You pulled back, kissing him on his chest right where the first button of his blazer met. You looked up at him one last time and he couldn’t muster up the courage to look at you, mumbling his goodbye as you walked out the door.

Gemma and Anne took care of letting everyone else that was invited know. Your parents came over with food and flowers and you tried to keep it all in. All you could think about was Harry, what he was doing or thinking and on the third night of radio silence from him, you began doom scrolling through the internet. You knew you shouldn’t have. You never allowed yourself to google yourself. It was never worth it. Once you became officially linked to Harry it was a breeding ground for rumors and gossip. Tonight was worse.

Harry Styles seen with a new mystery woman. Girlfriend hasn’t been seen in weeks. Trouble in paradise?

You clicked the link. Your stomach dropping at the sight of a very drunk Harry being escorted out of a club, a sigh of relief washing over you when you realized the mystery woman was one of the lesser known people in Harry’s inner circle. You kept zooming in and out of the images of him. The way he could barely walk, stumbling out with his security guards, his body looked limp. You haven't seen him like this since before you officially got back together. He kept partying for special occasions but never went overboard.

You wanted to reach out to him. Tell him that you could work through this. You wanted to be with him. You wished he would’ve waited. But that’s the man you fell in love with. His spontaneity was one of your favorite things about him. You never thought it would be the type to keep you apart.

During the years that you and Harry were in a limbo you would always wonder what he was up to on nights that you weren’t together. Your relationship always felt like it was in his hands. Does he want to see you? Did he ask you to come to a show? How fast can you get to his house? When were you going back home for the holidays? You felt like you had this duty to him even though it was no strings attached friends hooking up. The ball felt like it was never in your court.

And you could never escape him. When you’d go weeks and weeks of not seeing him you would inevitably catch his face somewhere. On your weekly grocery run there would be lines of magazines. It felt like you couldn’t escape. You would avoid the supermarket as much as you could so you wouldn’t be subjected to anymore of him. You immediately fell back into bad habits which made Harry constantly going out hurt more. You wondered what he told people. How those around him would react. The ones who knew you but had loyalty to Harry. What did his family think? You felt completely isolated.

And you really tried not to let your mind wander too far but you also couldn’t help but wonder how long it was going to take him to fall into someone else.

You went out for one of your friend’s birthdays after being stuck at home for weeks. The last thing you wanted to do was be in a nasty club surrounded by drunk people. It had been years since that point of your life since you got into a relationship with Harry and now that your life felt like it imploded, it was the last thing you wanted to do. But you had to. Your friends had been your rocks through this experience and it was probably good to spend a night out trying to clear your mind of things.

So, you put on your little black dress paired with your favorite leather bomber jacket that Harry gifted you for your one year anniversary, kept the tears at bay once you had your hair up in a bun and makeup on ready to take on the night.

You took a shot of tequila before leaving your apartment to get your nerves in order. A second shot immediately as you got to the table at the club. Your third as you wished a happy birthday to the birthday girl. You were feeling the good type of drunk where you weren’t sloppy just a little loose. All of the worries of the last few weeks just went away, you felt good and present.

“I’m so glad you came out with us,” the birthday girl said as she embraced you for a hug. All your friends were happy to see you, they only knew bits and pieces of why you and Harry were in this current stage so they were being extra supportive tip toeing around your current relationship state.

Everything was good, you were all having fun.

Until, the birthday girl decided she wanted to leave the club and go walk over to a pub that she knows has karaoke. You walk in and the first song that you hear is one that had been a part of the ‘soundtrack’ of you and Harry’s relationship, The Way I Feel Inside by The Zombies. You remember it clearly, and can see it playing out in front of you like a movie. You were over at his. Harry decided to treat you to a dinner that ended up turning into a takeaway because he overcooked the pasta before you got there blaming it on his nerves.

“I make you nervous?” You teased as you watched him pour the both of you a glass of wine.

“Very,” the shy smile paired with the blush on Harry’s cheeks answered your question. Your heart beating out of your chest as you took his statement in. You felt like you spent so much of your early arrangement fighting for him to come to this realization and now that he was doing this all for you and letting you know how much you meant to him, you couldn’t help how much it melted your heart. Your relationship wasn’t perfect and it definitely came from unconventional circumstances but you knew he was it for you.

“Oh my god, are you Harry Styles' girlfriend?”

“What?” You were snapped out of your daydream and suddenly there were two very eager girls in front of you with their phones out.

“It’s you right?” They both said almost in unison before they flashed their phones in front of you, an image of you and Harry taken by a stranger illuminated the screen. You remember that day, you were both wearing each other's hoodies, a coffee in hand as you walked through the park. You had no idea that someone took a picture of the two of you.

Luckily, you were immediately pulled away from the girls by your friends. Your mind was spinning and you felt like you were out of your body. People taking pictures of you and Harry was unfortunately something you were used to. You have never been approached by anyone on your own and even rarely with Harry. He made a point to protect you from that and you were grateful.

But now, you were drunk, unsure about your future but hopeful that if anyone could make it work, it would be the two of you.

You woke up from a text from Gemma, you hadn’t spoken to her since the incident and your mind immediately went to something being wrong with Harry.

Gemma: Hello! Are you doing alright? Just checking in.

Hii! As good as I could be right. How are you? Is Harry alright?

He’d probably say the same as you

If her motivation for checking in was to make you feel bad it was working.

I just want to make sure you’re okay and know you always have a friend in me, regardless of what happens.

Also, please don’t read any of the online bullshit. That’s a dark place to be and it’s not good for either of you.

Gemma was one of the first people to have a talk with you about the reality of being in Harry’s life. It was shortly after you accidentally ran into her after not so secretly leaving Harry’s childhood bedroom. She invited you to lunch once you were back in London to have a talk with you.

“I don’t know what you and my brother have and I’m sure he’s tried all he can to protect you from that side of the internet but I know how curiosity can creep up on you or anyone in your life and I promise it’s not worth it.”

You listened. You wanted to protect your bubble for as long as you could and you knew that allowing that outside noise into your life would do more harm than good.

You were woken up in the middle of the night by three rapid knocks at your front door. It startled you at first. It was too late at night for it to be someone you were expecting but there was also something soothing about your walk to the door. Your stomach filled with butterflies and anticipation, like your body knew who always knocked like that no matter what the situation. And when you opened your front door and saw Harry in front of you, slightly disheveled and clearly drunk from whatever bender he was on.

“Harry, what are you doing here?” You tried to hide the concern in your voice but knew you were doing a shit job at it.

``Ve been drinking at the bar across the street everyday waiting for you… walked over here a few times, s’just the first time I’ve made it up the steps. Think your neighbors finally took pity on me and let me up.” He was slurring his words and talking at a faster speed than usual, which were tell-tale tell signs since you were younger that he had a bit too much to drink and was probably going to regret whatever he was saying in the morning.

“You should come in.” You said making room for him as you opened the door wider, Harry stumbled his way inside. He was wearing a white button down and some brown trousers, his hair had grown out since the last time you saw him and the facial hair that you always loved was growing out too.

The silence in the room was heavy, the last time he was here everything felt natural. You were in a routine of dating, splitting time between your two homes, dinner dates, movie nights that you never made it past the first 30 minutes of any movie before your hands found their way to each other. The comfort Harry felt in your space was still there as he made his way into the kitchen, opening the right cupboard to grab two cups and plates.

“Making us a cheese toastie, you always loved a cheese toastie after a night out with a glass of milk.” Harry spoke before you could question him.

“Not sure if you’re that far gone but I didn’t go out.” You laugh as you watch him open your fridge for the ingredients. All the build up in your head of what the first time you would see Harry would be like suddenly disappeared. He was your Harry and no bump in the road was going to change that.

“S’gues I’ll just have both of them then?” He said.

“And leave me here to starve?” You walked across the kitchen island that you were standing at and took the pan out the dishwasher for him.

“You’ve always said you liked to watch me eat.” Harry teases you for a drunken confession you made years ago after a night out. You ordered in some burgers and fries and you made the mistake of telling him it was turning you on.

You fell into a comfortable silence as you watched him make a couple cheese toasties. You poured each of you a glass of almond milk and walked over to the coffee table, opting to eat while sitting on the floor. He was sobering up with each bite. You watched him eat, taking all that you missed in the last month. His skin was paler than you remembered, a sign that he hadn’t been out as much as you anticipated.

“Did you come here just for some food?” You broke the silence in the room. It was nice pretending that you didn’t just go over a month without speaking and now he was turning up after a few drinks to your front door.

“Obviously not,” Harry moves his body closer to yours placing his hands on your thighs - the familiar feeling of comfort in all of this.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

“Can we wait?” He asked his green eyes, finding yours, the familiar look and feeling of reassurance and comfort you always felt when he looked at you. You had come a long way from him not being able to look at you as you left the pub that night. “We have the rest of our lives to talk.” He whispered in your ear before pulling back and meeting your eyes again.

“I just want to say I’m sorry and I love you and I’m grateful that you’re here. You don’t know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone but thought you were just done with me and I don’t know how lucky I got to have someone like you,” you pause to take a breath, “I’m just so sorry.”

Harry leaned in closer and responded with a kiss. Your arms wrapped around him as Harry moves his to the back of your legs and thighs moving you so you’re now straddling his lap. Your mouth moved in a way that was so familiar, “I’ve missed this so much,” Harry said as he kissed down your neck, whispering how beautiful you are and how many nights he wished he would’ve just come over to yours. “You have no idea the things I want to do to you,” the roughness in his voice sends a flutter through your entire body.

“Hmm,” you quirk a brow at him.

A small smile on his face, as he pulls up your shirt and you help him take it off. Harry pauses for a second, repositioning you so you are now sitting down and he is in front of you, slowly working his way down from your lips to your neck before cupping your breasts and moving his mouth down your chest as he sucks on your nipple. Your slow moans filling up the room. You had a lot to talk about and this was always his way of feeling close to you and letting his guard down. And it was working. Your arousal grew as he continued to lick and suck up and down your chest. You squeezed your legs together in anticipation and it lit a spark into Harry as he moved down your body to where you wanted him most.

Harry pulls down your underwear and slips his thumb where you need him most circling your clit. You push your hands into his hair pulling the front ends away from his face so you can really see him work on you. He moves his thumb faster before shifting his to slip two fingers inside you. You close your eyes as you shift your body to adjust to the sensation. The feeling of comfort, arousal and home all wrapped into one. This was more than just sex with Harry - he was communicating all of his feelings for you through his slow and steady actions. The primal way he was watching how your body reacted to him. Always putting in the work for you before thinking about himself.

“Harry��” you moan.

“Missed that sound.” Harry mumbled as he continued working his fingers inside of you before moving down to find his mouth onto your center. You tightened the grip on his hair - pulling and tugging as he sucks and licks you into your first orgasm. Watching him working you up is turning him on -- your hands moving from his hair to his own waist, unzipping his pants and watching him grow - the more he was making you feel good it was making him feel better.

And that was the rest of your night, your bodies saying all the things that you couldn’t yet. The way you ached for him and he ached for you. As you drifted to sleep in Harry’s arms, you knew that no matter the distance and time apart you both knew this is was worth fighting for.

You woke up the next morning to a familiar song playing throughout the house.

Should I try to hide

The way I feel inside

My heart for you?

Would you say that you

Would you try to love me too?

You walked downstairs and found Harry in nothing but his briefs, coffee brewing in the coffee maker with a stack of pancakes. A view that you were used to, a sense of calm and home.

“Morning!”

“What’s all this?” You questioned as you walked over to him and planted a kiss on his lips.

“M’just making breakfast for my girl.”

You quirked a brow at him, “I could get used to this, maybe I should reject you more often if it comes with these types of perks.” you teased.

“Ha, ha, very funny…” Harry deadpanned before breaking into a bit of laughter himself.

You spent the morning enjoying each other’s company and the breakfast feast that he made before spending the rest of the day putting all your cards on the table. Harry was going to reroute his tour to make more time to fit your schedule so you weren’t the one that had to constantly rearrange yourself to fit into his. You were going to move into his at the end of your lease. You created a plan on And most importantly, you talked about how a ring and a wedding was never the end goal for you.

“My goal has always just been you,” Harry finished your sentence before you could.

And for you, it’s always just been Harry.

#harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #ttds #only took less than a year so heyyyyyyyy <3

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