#This would be mostly for The Knowledge because I can't imagine a scenario in which this would change anything about their functioning from

[ssunspotted]

((I know it isn't perfectly sensible, with how nebulous the question of where and how consciousness is stored in supernatural undead, but I'm thinking REAL hard about Tolya's brain having fibrous/thread roots physically trying to integrate into the atrophied parts))

[certifiedsexed]

You know what genital condition hurts worse than anything else I've ever experienced, and I'd never encountered at all before I developed one?

A Bartholin abscess. I feel like it's important for people to know about them; they're painful, debilitating, misunderstood, and often dismissed by non-specialist doctors as 'going away by themselves'. The gynecologist I saw with my most recent one said she treats 20+ of them a week, but nobody talks about them. There certainly weren't any clinic posters talking about them. Plenty about STIs and pap smears, but no Bartholin awareness.

I would encourage anyone who's factory plumbing came with a vagina, or who cares about someone with that plumbing, to put Safesearch or the search engine equivalent on (because the images that pop up are the worst case scenario, and also NSFW if you're at school/in the office) and look into Bartholin cysts and the abscesses that come from them. The wiki page is a good starting point.

If you notice a lump near the opening of your vagina, get medical help. Don't wait and see if it goes away. My first one I was so depressed that I just pretended it wasn't there, and it went from the size of a grain of rice to the size of a peach in under a week. Imagine something the size of a peach under the skin of your inner labia.

These abscesses do eventually rupture and drain, which stops them hurting somewhat though they still have to heal, but until then the sheer size and painfulness impedes walking, sitting, using the toilet, cleaning after using the toilet, and just about everything else. The pain I had was extraordinary and entirely debilitating, I can't understate that. It's an area with a lot of nerve endings and very good blood flow, you know?

The second one I had I started treatment with Flucloxacillin on day two and it didn't get anywhere near as big or as painful. It still hurt a little, got to about the size of a grape, and still popped after about ten days, but I was able to continue working and mostly get along as normal.

I've been told that once you've had one they're likely to come back unless you get medical intervention so it really is key to not ignore them.

Sorry to be hijacking, I know this isn't entirely about sex ed as such, but like... I went to a school in a liberal area with fairly comprehensive sex ed which included frank and open discussions around health and diseases, and I've been around on the internet for a decade since as well, and had never heard of these until I developed one. I'm still recovering from the most recent episode, and really do not want anyone else to sprout one of these and have no idea what's happening or be dismissed by a doctor and not have the knowledge to advocate for themselves.

I don't think this is hijacking at all. I think this' great information to share, thank you! [This is an article about Bartholin cysts/abscesses, for anyone interested.]

[shmowder]

I’ve been watching all the divorce talk/divorce angst hitting the scene so I’d like to throw a curveball in the current divorce talk and ask what it’d be like to be married to daniil because now I’m confused how a functional (or at least as functional with him as you’d get) marriage would be like

Especially interested in how a marriage with him would look if he’s put with his spouse together during the events of the game…<3

Oh my a devil's advocate! or a Daniil Dankovsky advocate in this scenario?

Lucky for you I have been imagining the bachelor's love story ever since I wrote that divorce prompt first draft.

Let me paint you a picture of a much youthful Daniil, freshly into med school, one with a glisten to his eyes and a purpose in his steps. He knows he is destined for something greater, never taking his gaze off of his goal.

To defeat death no matter the cost. To vanquish that greedy dragon that's stealing people's futures, both young and old. Disappearing into the abyss to never be seen again, snaging one human at a time.

And frankly, medicine is hard, really hard. The university itself is merciless. Yet he still takes up courses in philosophy where no one but him approch the assignments with seriousness.

Searching for the meaning of life, for wisdom in the old scriptures dating back hundreds of years old. Immortalised on leather pages and passed down from generation to generation.

Maybe the lessons of old sages are what he needs to ready himself for this seemingly impossible journey, pushing the boundary of life as we know it, lifting the veil, and facing the abyss head on.

That's how the two of you met.

Sitting next to each other in a lecture and taking notice of one another. Daniil introducing himself with a polite greeting, offering helpful input with anything you might not understand.

While it might have came off as condescending to your other classmates, you quickly found out how serious he was on his offer when you asked him to look over your notes at the end of the lecture and he obliged. Using his own notes for reference as he fills the gaps in knowledge you missed, his neat handwriting directory below your own on the paper.

And just like that, an unspoken vow was formed.

The two of you manage to find each other in every lecture you shared. Sitting together and finding solace in one another's company. He is brilliant and genuinely passionate about his studies and goals. You're kind enough to indulge his dreams, to never belittle his earnesty, and he repays your kindness tenfolds by going out of his way to help you in your studies and else.

Effortlessly charming, a true gentleman without being pearl-clutching uptight. You never have to watch your language around him. If anything, he has his fair share of venom that is occasionally let loose on those he deem deserve it.

You still can't believe he argued with the professor on your behalf in front of the whole class. You never asked him to, but he had to bring justice in his own hands when you were clearly in the right, when the professor was treating you unfairly because of some petty reason or grudge.

The professor had it out for Daniil since that day, but at least they left you alone, which was a success in Daniil's view.

Throwing himself into the fire and coming out even stronger wasn't a simple feat to scoff at. It was impossible for your superiors to keep up with him or even win a single argument. No matter what, his own knowledge and hard work speak for themselves at the end of the day in each paper and assignment he hands in.

As the months passed by, the two of you only grew closer and closer. People admired Daniil, yes, but mostly for his mind. He was respected but not loved. Courtesy of his attitude and always assuming he is the smartest person in the room. Not you, though; you liked those traits in him. After all, his confidence was more than deserved.

You yourself stood witness to just how much effort he puts in, the long all-nighters he constantly pulls in a row. The outside material he studies to stay informed. Daniil's love of knowledge and discovery burned bright.

He learns for the sake of learning rather than just to get some arbitrary high number on a test.

Yet, when misinformed, he is surprisingly humble about it. His ego and pride, which almost spelt his doom in so many situations, get so easily pushed to the side if it meant he can broaden his knowledge about a subject he's interested in.

He always made time for helping you despite all the plates he had to balance. Going out of his way to secure the books and study materials you need for your courses, paying for them out of his own pocket, helping you revise and soak in information better.

Even lending you his own bed when your dorm roommates were too rowdy or annoying. The same person everyone claimed was stuck up, sleeping on the floor in his own room without a single complaint because he insists you take the bed for yourself tonight. You deserve rest, and he'll wake you up when it's the morning.

For a long while, you were the closest thing to a real friend Daniil ever had among the ocean of acquaintances. You enjoyed his company, the good and the bad. You didn't get intimidated by his intellectualism, nor did he ever feel like he had to water himself down for you.

He could truly talk freely without concern that his speeches might get misinterpreted as an attempt to show off or antagonise you.

Especially when he first started picking up on Latin qoutes; the impressed look on your face was to die for. The awe in your eyes made his heart swell with pride. A satisfied smile adorning his face, your praise akin to a melody to his ears.

It's what encouraged him to learn and memorise even more qoutes, to perfect his pronunciation and sound out the words when no one is looking. To put in extra effort just to shine a little bit brighter in your eyes.

The two of you were in your own world, slowly falling in love. He truly felt fulfilled by your side, looking out for someone else and fussing over your well-being and health from time to time.

Those nights when you'd let him test his medical knowledge on you, witness him start as unsure without a single clue of what to do and slowly grow more and more confident as he consulted his notes. He documented your symptoms and examined you from head to toe with focused eyes.

You watched him learn in real time and test himself through trial and error.

At other times, you got to see the hidden side of him. The beetle collection he had growing up, proudly telling you about them and sharing all the interesting facts with child-like enthusiasm.

Each year during university passed by like a dream,

Most people in college were looking to spread their wings, getting addicted to the taste of absolute freedom and losing their track to late night parties and trying everything new and taboo.

And while Daniil had his fair share of letting loose and getting absolutely wasted in the occasional parties, he still showed up the next morning to his 8am lecture whilst hungover. Enduring the pulsing headaches just not to miss out on tests.

He never once lost his track.

Yet, the only time he ever looked away from his goal was when he turned to gaze back at you, trudging behind and struggling to keep up.

Extending his hand to you, that amused smile on his lovely face as he pulled you to his side. As he helped you rise above your own expectations and meet your potential. Guiding you through every step of the way.

It came to no one's surprise when just a week after graduation they received the invitation to Daniil's engagement party.

He took you to a beautiful restaurant, the crowning jewel of the Capital's culinary arts. Saved up for a long time for it, cut cost on his own expenses, and picked up longer shifts interning at the hospitals.

It was worth it. Every single moment with you there was akin to heaven. How beautiful you looked dressed to the nines, how perfectly your arm slotted with his, how much work and effort he put into his appearance just to match you in glamour.

Doctor Daniil Dankovsky, after six long years, he finally earned that title. And you were there in every step of the way.

You are truly irreplaceable in his life.

So would you indulge this selfish man one last time and spend the remains of your days with him?

He earned an even better title that day, your betrothed and fiance Dankovsky.

But like every star that shined brightly and stood out in the night sky, it burned out even faster than the blink of an eye.

Daniil wasn't restrainted by the university rules anymore.

There were no lectures to end and force him to go back to his dorm. The hospital shifts would be extended as much as his body physically allowed before exhaustion took him out.

The sky is the limit. The real world was Daniil's real freedom. With his degree in hand, he could easily join any slightly intriguing research program or start his own. He could establish connections and correspondence with the most experienced aged doctors in his field.

His theories were taken seriously by other scholars, he actually looked forward to attending discussions and meetings with people who were intrigued by his proposals, his reputation soaring through the sky with every research paper he published.

It was endearing for you, to watch him achieve his goals. Reap the results of everything he carefully sowed and maintained. To him life just started, the opportunities were endless.

To you, however? Not so much. Yeah you had your degree now, but with fundings being shoved onto Daniil's hand left and right by investors who saw him as the one who'll finally invent the next philosopher's stone, immortality, you didn't have a reason to work. Seated at the lap of luxury in a comfortable life with your fiance.

Your fiance, who's time together with you, was shrinking more and more by the week.

By the time he founded Thanatica, journalists were tripping over their own feet to land an interview with the most famous thanatologist in the country. The Bachelor of Medicine is finally home.

The changes were so gradually that no one can ever blame you for not noticing them. He still doted on you and cared for your health, but more with a jaded doctor's mindest who has seen it all.

His hands are cold as he examines you, experienced touches and bored eyes. The same person who once struggled to measure your heat rate years ago. Now, effortlessly drawing your blood through a needle with light hands, reminding you to relax your body.

Something felt amiss, you'd stare at his deep brown eyes and feel like you're forgetting something important.

You can't pinpoint exactly when that nagging feeling started.

Maybe it was when the date nights became less and less frequent, when last minute flowers bouquet would substitute for the heartfelt letters he used to give you each birthday and valentine's.

Or maybe when he kept postponing his own wedding because he was just on the verge of a breakthrough and could not afford a distraction at this time.

That so-called breakthrough taking years and years.

The two of you were the first of your class to get engaged, and yet almost everyone you've known in university is married with kids by now.

There are times, however, when glimpses of the past replay themselves. On an early morning when he's still in bed with you, cuddling to your side, his hair a fluffy mess as he scrunches his nose at the annoying sunlight falling against his closed eyes.

The times when he's self-aware of his own shortcomings, when the two of you are home after a long social networking party.

A half-drunk Daniil carelessly throwing his newly bought snakeskin coat onto the couch. Smiling at you with alcohol sourced confidence. Only he manges to pull off being endearingly smug so naturally.

Sucking up to rich people and investors all day, endless politics and hidden motives, this game of chess is growing dull.

Daniil wrapping his arm around your waist, bringing yours around his neck. One step, then two, a slow dance in the living room. How gracefully he manages to move his body while the wine seeps into his system, how playful he is as he twirls you around.

Forgetting the world outside, dancing despite the knowledge that death always lurks by.

How he confessed to you that if he could pick a moment to die content, it'd be this one with you in his arms.

Just for a moment, everything is okay.

...

Until the morning comes again.

And you're leaning against the doorstep, sleep weighting heavy on your eyes. Daniil's finishes putting on his shoes before giving you the usual kiss on the cheek.

the cold air stings your bare skin when he opens the door. The skies are dim, wind howls in the empty streets at early dawn.

You close your eyes, and the sound of the door slamming shut follows by.

Slow steps leading you back to your still warm bed, empty now. The covers engulf you, soft and comfortable.

And alone.

Time distorts, three days pass before he's back home. Three days of prefering to sleep in his office than spare a ride back home.

Goddammit.

You're not mad, you tell yourself.

How can you be mad? Not when he looks worn to the bone, not when he barely has the energy to take off his shoes before collapsing into the bed.

Months pass, you've stopped keeping count. The promised breakthrough finally arrives. The world forgot about Thanatica and Dankovsky for a while but this? Oh this revelation sets the country ablaze.

"Thanatica's team successfully bring back the dead" Is what the frontpage of the news claimed.

In reality, it was an experiment, an attempt to revive a small amount of dead cells, and re-energise the dish sample.

An attempt, which was finally successful after a prolonged battle, when the foretold dead cells sample with great potential finally revealed itself.

You attended, of course, you had to be there for your husband... No, fiance. yes, your fiance still. Sitting beautifully at the front row, a seat he reserved just for you.

Watching him from down below amidst the crowd, gazing up at him as the lights of cameras flash against his skin. Realising just how unreachable he appears so high above.

How small you felt in contrast.

How the room held its breath on his every word, how he looked truly in his element. Under the lights and showered with the attention of hundreds of people at once.

The acid in your stomach turned, your throat closing around itself.

How could your attention alone compare? Is it even enough?

So you sat there like any supportive partner would. Waiting for him to come to you, each time he meets your eyes, his attention is immediately stolen by a journalist wanting an interview. Each step he takes towards you is interrupted by a colleague blocking his way to give their congratulations on this amazing achievement.

How Daniil indulges every one of them, never brushing them to the side. No, it's you who gets the short end of the stick each and every time, losing to complete strangers.

It takes an hour just for him to arrive at your side.

He looks at you with the same glisten in his eyes, he has finally did it. Another achievement, another win, another trophy earned.

And he's expecting your praise.

The same look he gave you many years ago when he'd learn a new Latin phrase and wait for your impressed reaction.

You look at him with contempt, wondering if he even remembers that endearment name he used to call you by. Mea vita... how long has it been since he called you that?

Were you still his life?

You smile, forced and tried, it's still a smile.

He doesn't buy it, he's not an idiot. Something is wrong but he doesn't open his mouth, too aware of the eager journalists eavesdropping around the corner, of the cameras pointed his way, your way.

Thankfully, you can drop that smile after a brief moment since Daniil spots someone across the room, an important figure from the inquisition itself. His eyes widen for a second before he's immediately abandoning his seat and leaving you behind.

So you sit and wait. Hands in your lap, counting the seconds until it's time to go home.

That day marks the first time you experienced a real serious fight with him.

Sure you had your disagreements before, but the two of you managed to stay civil and always compromise. Daniil made it a great deal to point out how neither of you should ever stoop so low to the point of yelling or insults.

Oh how the two of you always made fun of the other couples who fought. Saying how it can never happen between you two, it was just impossible.

Reviving the dead wasn't the only impossible feat achieved that day.

You've witnessed his anger, you are very familiar with his venom and fangs.

You just never thought you'd ever taste it one of those days.

It was always directed at the unjust, always a symbol of protection to you.

Daniil got too accustomed to getting his way, too used to you being the pliant spouse. To always understand why he had to cancel that date last minute or why he couldn't keep his promises.

To wait for him home.

He gets to see you when he pleases. You have to make appointments and take into consideration his schedule. Even then, he might not always show up.

This thread has worn thin. It was only a matter of time before it snapped.

The next day, guilt eats you up for what you did, regret churns like poison in his stomach.

He's the first to apologise, to humbly ask for forgiveness after taking time alone to collect his thoughts.

You accept it, because the love you shared could never die. If you don't accept Daniil Dankovsky in this life then who else will? Who else but you can accurately read his mind? Who else endures all his shortcomings for the brighter future?

Who else but you can understand?

Maybe he's too ahead of himself when he sits you down and gives you a list of promises to hold him accountable for. Admiting he has been less than adequate as a partner, but he'd rather learn and better himself than stay in the past.

You look down at the paper, and the wedding is at the top.

Gradually, the two of you work together. You speak up more, and he learns to listen better.

The wedding preparation period put all you've built to the test, to say it was tense would be an understatement.

There were so many things to take into account, so many people to impress and invite, so many people to visit and trips to the bakery, tailor and so on.

So little time.

Daniil had to take a break from Thanatica for a while, he couldn't be in two places at once, and he really, really tried.

It left him restless, ate him up at night.

But seeing how much happiness his presence provided you during these important moments and decisions helped ease the ache in his heart.

Despite it all, the wedding finally arrived.

It was beautiful, perfect in a sense. Fitting for a fairytale, Daniil glowed under the glittering lights in his white suit, you looked absolutely divine.

For once, you too stood in the spotlights with him.

You could built a castle from the amount of congratulation baskets and flower bouquets sent to your address. Important people taking the time to attend your wedding and offer you the best wishes.

If this was a real fairytale it would've ended there, the hero wins back his love and archives his dreams, everyone is happy.

The End.

Alas.

The real world was harsher, brutal even.

Eventually, all walls need demolition.

And even the sky might come crashing down.

All the effort he made, all that you've built together, slowly decays.

Feelings of being unwanted, undeserving and unloved plagued your mind.

Obsessions drove his actions to achieve more, surpass more expectations, earn more fame. Neglecting his now spouse in his crusade against death.

-

In a more merciful timeline, the two of you are still married in the events of pathologic.

In that life, you made space for yourself in his world instead of waiting around. It was you who insisted you accompany your husband on this long journey to this unkown town.

Daniil held objections and concerns for your safety, of course. But eventually, you won him over be it with wit or earnest honesty of why you want to come along.

Not to mention, he does find himself working better when you're by his side. A stark contrast between doing his research alone in a cold empty office all night and the college days when he'd invite you over while he works on assignments.

Just having you nearby immediately boosted his efficiency, looking up from the headache inducing theories on the paper to glance at you sitting on his bed, doing your own thing, did wonders to his morale.

A married Daniil immediately puts a stop to all the flirting from anyone who attempts it, be it Eva, Maria or Andrey. He ruthlessly shuts it down and tell them to not bother, they don't stand a chance.

The sucking up to him however? yeah... he still eats that up. Your husband might be a clever man but if someone strokes his ego, he becomes more prone to falling to manipulation.

You would've advised him not to take the murder case, not to involve himself with the Kains or accept to help them.

Except that you weren't there at the time. You were still exhausted from the train ride and Daniil told you to go to sleep, he won't go far, just going downstairs to thank Eva for her hospitality by offering this room to you two.

Of course one thing lead to another and curiosity took the best of him, of course he went to the Kains alone and immediately fell into their mouse trap.

By the time you're informed of what happened, it's morning on the second day, and he has already digged himself into a hole by involving himself too much in this case to back out now.

He's an idiot, a clever genius idiot who needs to stop chasing shadows on walls.

But he is your idiot, the ring proves it.

So you guess a murder investigation case is what the two of you are doing now. Daniil isn't embarrassed one bit as he asks you to be the Watson to his Sherlock. Even when you point out that he'd fit as Watson better since he was the doctor and all, he still insists that no... his version is better.

Two people working together definitely speeds thing up. Daniil struggles to remain a gentleman in this semi-apocalypse of a plague. On one hand he wants you to stay safe inside at night and not risk running into bandits or looters, on another hand his rational mind makes a good argument of why its necessary to teach you how to use a gun if you didn't already know.

But if you were someone who's experienced with a dangerous life, the roles would be almost reversed as he asks you to come with him during his nightly errands... No, he doesn't need protection he just....

Ugh, fine, yes. He wants you there to watch his back and murder others for him, so what? He is your husband, and you love him. It is his right.

You put his lousy pistol to shame, to say the least.

His progress moves much smoother. While it would be more efficient for the two of you to split and do seperate tasks, Daniil would rather you stick together.

Deep down, he is genuinely worried about you catching the plague. The idea itself horrifes him to the core. No matter how capable you are, he still makes you wait outside the plague infested house while he conducts his business inside.

Actually he'd prefer it entirely if you waited outside the infected District but you're too stubborn and he hates the fact that you learned how to best him in arguments after being together for more than a decade.

While the physical benefits of having another person around are nice and all. The mental benefit of having a real friend, a lover, and a spouse by his side during this showdown with death is the real golden line.

He'd never have had his breakdown in the usual game events, you'd have kept his sanity intact had you been by his side.

Put all his whispering voices in his head to bed with a simple touch, melted all the self-loathing away with a kiss.

Caught him in your arms as he fell down from grace.

As the realisation that he is just human, just one man, downed on him in cold blood. That he is so much weaker than he thought, that despite all his effort and studies, there is so much he is ignorant about when it comes to healing and medicine.

That he was sent here to die.

And like a fool he dragged you into the grave with him, he should've been more firm, he should've never allowed you to come along.

But by the gods, you're here now, and he can't change that. It absolutely pains him to see you go through the same strife.

And Daniil doesn't even believe in a god but he still carries that cross around, just in case he's desperate enough to get on his knees one day, to beg their merciless eyes for your life to be spared.

At least you'd be the one to sing him to his eternal sleep. The words he told you during that dance still held true,if he ever could choose his own death, then he'd be content to die in your arms.

But you must remain alive, at all costs.

You must survive.

More than once he attempts to make a deal, to throw his morality under the bus if it meant someone could provide a way for you to escape from this town.

Willing or not, he will get you out.

Because at that point he lost faith in all of his skills, his degree as a doctor might as well be a glorified napkin. He knows that he knows nothing.

-

Wow that was long. I hope you enjoyed it anon!

Writing it was fun, especially young Daniil <3

[earthbovndmisfit]

Yay you're anwering asks again! Which seem to be old ones lol.

On the idea of mer Jonawagon where Jonathan is the human and Speedwagon is the merman, perhaps the rest of the Ogre Street gang could be mers as well, living in tightly-knit pods like orcas and coming into conflict with seagoers who see them as "monsters"? And with Jonathan as a human Dio would make a great human antagonist too, perhaps being a hunter of the mers who despises Jonathan for empathizing with them.

Perhaps Jonathan's meeting with them could play out like it did in canon PB, with them initially attacking him as an intruder to their turf before he shows mercy and kindness to their leader, thus earning their friendship.

Last one seemed to be from a couple weeks ago, but there are a lot that are a year old or more…. (sorry!!! bad brain has been an absolute bitch all of 2024 so far)

I really like your idea nonny!! I feel like the Ogre Street guys don't get the love and appreciation they deserve and I'm more than happy to be able to include them in these AUs too! I like the idea of them all being a gang still. They already have some intimidating appearances in the og, and that would definitely add to their mer versions as well. Seagoers would think of them at monsters at first sight, especially if they aren't familiar with merpeople or other "non-conventional" sea creatures, I'm sure 😔️ They -along with Speedwagon- would probably be outcasts on land at best (probably back at home too if they happen to be criminals or other types of "pariah"), and I think that could add to their bond with Jonathan, who thinks of them as friends (and more, in Speedwagon's case of course 🤭️💕️).

Idk if this idea was thought to be part of the Sailor Jona/Mer Speedwagon scenario?? But if so, then we can mesh both ideas and have Jona and Spw meet the way mentioned in the other post. They start getting to know each other and maybe arrange to meet again near land in the next port the ship is scheduled to visit.

The day comes and it so happens that Speedwagon's gang is hanging around that area before either Spw or Jonathan get there, not knowing about Spw's new human friend. Jonathan is the first one to show up at the meeting spot by the shoreline (and away from privy eyes, in the case of a universe where merpeople are not common knowledge? idk). Dear Jojo even brought some trinkets and things he thought Spw might find interesting and that no one onboard will miss. That's when Spw's gang notice him and jump into action, not only because he's entering their domains, but also because they have eyed those trinkets and want to rip them away from him. A fight ensues then. As limited as my knowledge on merfolk is, I'm pretty sure they are way stronger than humans (correct me if I'm wrong please!). I'm also guessing there would be no hamon in this AU, and so it's very likely that Jonathan would be overpowered eventually despite his superhuman strength from the og (can't imagine Jonathan not being buff and built like a brickwall, so he keeps his og massive size and frame). It's right there when Speedwagon shows up and scolds and shouts at his friends to leave the man alone. He was reaching the spot when he saw everything as it started going down, making him rush over to them as fast as he could. Spw's friends realize they kinda fucked up and apologize, helping Jonathan up and back on his feet. The idea kinda breaks my heart, but maybe some of the trinkets got broken during the confrontation and now Jonathan feels bad about it, although, he's happy that Speedwagon saved him from what would have very likely been a much worse outcome.

And of course Speedwagon is moved, not only by Jonathan's kindness since he really was under no obligation or whatever to bring him anything, and yet he did, but he's also moved by that faintest of pouts on Jojo's lips upon seeing what just happened to the little presents he brought for Speebs. Being mostly outcasts, I'm sure neither Spw or his friends are used to show or being shown love in any of its forms outside of their little group, so it comes as a surprise even to Speedwagon himself when he pulls Jonathan into a hug to make him feel better and stop worrying about the now broken presents. All this surprises Spw's gang too for the previously stated reasons, but it is clear to them now that their boss sees something special in that man and that, judging by his gesture of bringing him a present, he seems to be genuine in his intentions, and so they ease up on him, genuinely apologizing for the incident and what they have unknowingly caused. They are all wary of humans due to past bad experiences, but Jonathan continues to prove over time that he's someone they can fully trust and rely on, and so Speebs and his gang often follow him closely during his journeys across the sea.

[all-seeing-ifer]

Freaking out because I too have thought about an ats Bringing up Baby AU a long time ago and your post just threw me back into my 2021 Cangel obsession. What the fuck, can you read my mind?

Also as a general point, love putting Cangel in classic Black and White movies. I can also imagine a Casablanca AU where Cordy is Claude Raines’ character but a woman. Or basically any noir works with making Darla the femme fatale. Girlie has big Barbara Stanwyck energy (without the gross Republicanism)

aaaaa that's so cool that you had the same thought!!! just goes to show how very suited their dynamic is for screwball I guess! (honestly the philadelphia story could also probably work, though I'm not sure who'd be james stewart's character in that scenario) let them get into weird misunderstandings and antics involving a pet leopard they deserve to have some fun!! or at least cordy deserves to have some fun, angel would probably just be stressed beyond belief which is exactly why that film would make such a great au. I'll probably be doodling something for this at some point bc I truly can't get it out of my head and also every day my wish to draw angel in that cunty little nightgown cary grant wears in that movie becomes more pressing

also ur so real for putting them in classic movies. I support ur casablanca AU dreams although to my shame I haven't actually seen casablanca I am familiar with it mainly through the extended homage in what's up doc (<- really not beating the screwball comedy enjoyer accusations in this moment). I must admit that my movie knowledge pre like... 50s is mostly just animation and classic sci fi and then the occasional katharine hepburn film bc i lov herrrr.

[not-poignant]

As a corollary to an ask you received about a week ago, regarding the concept of a 'disaster sub' - do you think there's any such thing as a 'disaster dom', in the sense of someone who subsumes their dominant nature to the detriment of themselves and/or the people around them? I've been toying with the idea, but it's hard to envision how it'd look; after all, it's a lot more difficult to enact harm upon someone from the position of (relative) submission I'd imagine such a person would assume.

There would absolutely be disaster!doms, I think, though I personally have mostly zero interest in writing them.

There are actually a lot of reasons someone might end up domming while suppressing their submissive nature as a character (or a person), and that includes things like:

You've hurt someone before and can't reconcile that with the fact that you're human. So you decide to submit as 'penance' or something similar, in order to stay in the scene, but never really enjoy yourself, which is not great for you or your partners.

You're ashamed about liking hurting people, or the degree to which you like it, and think submission is less 'evil' overall. You think the vulnerability in submitting is safer and less toxic than an assumed inherent toxicity in the vulnerability of hurting someone in a contained space.

And like 'ashamed of liking hurting people' could be compounded if you say, have a traumatic background and know others capable of hurting people just because, without consent. Or could be compounded by having encounters with these people while submitting, and becoming more entrenched in a dangerous mindset.

And then there's just the fact that like, while it's got nothing to do with hurting others and therefore there's nothing 'disaster' about it, a lot of folks just don't realise they're tops or doms (or switches) until they go into the scene as subs and bottoms and find out.

As for enacting harm, it's not likely to be physical damage but there are definitely ways forcing yourself to be submissive when you don't really enjoy it can harm other people, such as:

Sets relationships off from a place of miscommunication and lying if the partner doesn't know, which is a bad foundation for any relationship.

If a submissive isn't transparent/authentic about how they feel in a scene, sadists / doms / tops can push them in dangerous ways not realising how close they are to triggers, limits, or simply assuming that the sub really really enjoys something they hate, which damages any interpersonal relationship, because the trust will continue to disintegrate and honestly, it's a pretty profound betrayal from the sub's side (there's literally lists of 'submissive red flags' and this is actually one of them).

If you believe sadism for example is inherently evil, or that there's something wrong with wanting to dom people, while seeking out those people, you're automatically starting from a place of dehumanisation. I think we can agree that's harmful.

If you're punishing yourself in a scene without your partner's knowledge, you are violating their consent, and betraying them. (It's also a form of disrespect re: controlling and manipulating the scene without the other's knowledge).

Tbh, some of these scenarios can happen even if the sub is naturally submissive, and they do ruin relationships. I've explored the last point to a limited degree in like... Eversion, where Hank calls 'red' on Connor because Connor is trying to take control of a scene by forcing a punishment, which makes Hank withdraw formal punishments for good. It's also been explored in Game Theory, where Augus admits he's tired of being used/weaponised re: Gwyn's guilt, and I think it even happens in The Ice Plague re: Eran and Mosk.

It doesn't have to be physical harm to destroy a relationship. But frankly, any sub or bottom who isn't willing to communicate authentically can certainly put themselves in positions of receiving physical harm, and imho, that's a terrible thing to do a partner who is there in good faith.

But yeah, there's lots of ways this could play out, anon! Again, this comes down to human psychology. You start in places around shame, embarrassment, or trauma, and then the toxicity tends to naturally unfold from there. If you go back to the drawing board re: what motivates folks to do things that might be manipulative, harmful, or hurtful, and nix out 'because I simply want to be an asshat' - what you often have behind that is deep seated self-esteem issues, shame, guilt, a sense of maybe grief or anger etc. And folks who lie because of feeling ashamed, are just naturally going to be hurting others in situations like this.

[endlich-allein]

Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of ​​what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

[peigslayers]

📓 (also hiiii tiarna <3)

hiiiii del!!!! how are you? okay a fic idea i dream about (but will never write) is my mary comes back early scenario. the scene is set! dean comes to stanford "dad hasn't been home in a few days" etc etc. the show plays out as normal to begin with except there's no john on the other end of the line, no coordinates being given. but there are traces of a woman causing havoc, a hunter. and she appeared roughly around the same time as john vanished. (and she was in their old house). so they think, if we catch her, we find dad.

eventually they end up in the same place and bam it's mary. in this version of events, John winchester got the colt back early and had an absolute brainwave. pulled the same move he did with dean. traded the colt for mary's life, gave her a 10 minute introduction to the world as is and then died, the selfish bastard that he is. john's been in hell this whole time.

things are a mess but now it's catastrophic. sam and dean are facing down yellow eyes without even the knowledge their father had about him. mary is guilty af. her kids grew up hunters, john did this to them but he's also died for her so it's hard to blame him etc etc. she knows that the demon's after sam because of her but she can't admit it. also same as before, she extremely dislikes being around her children (who are no longer children) and it's incredibly toxic. also og bobby and mary get to meet and i think that would be fun. because she would be so jealous of the relationship he has with her kids (even though she doesn't like being around them). and also because she's got this tangle of guiltresentmentlove thing going on with john, i think she would hate the implications of bobby being a father figure to the boys (mostly dean).

wait also there's the fact that sam would still be big on the wanting to go back to civilian life thing, which mary would back him up on (even though being a civilian was like being in prison for her and she refuses to even pretend to be a mom). and sam's whole fear about being evil because he's psychic would probably not be as bad because john is gone (even though he feels really guilty for being somewhat glad his dad is dead. and he'll never get closure on the stanford fight). and i cannot stress enough that dean would be just a walking bag of exposed nerves this whole time. his hell anger isn't their but he's just a simmering bubble of hurt everytime he talks to sam or mary. he doesn't get to self-actualise by standing up to his dad. he's angry at him for dying and leaving them in this mess, but also he's a hero for bringing his mom back, but also his mom is ungrateful and can't stand the sight of them and and and.

haven't worked much out beyond that but i think it would be fun. sam and dean meet the ghost that's haunted their life and she's not what they imagined. john haunts season 1 in a more literal way.

[lord-squiggletits]

For the ask bit, if the war had ended in IDW in such a way that Optimus could well and truly retire from the Action Hero Super Prime job he's been doing, who would he want to spend time with just casually? And what would he want to do with his life?

Canon provides a pretty good answer for this already: I see Orion leaving Cybertron and going out to be a do-gooder exploring the galaxy on his own, mostly to help organic beings out. OP's compassion towards organics and his feeling of being responsible for their suffering during the war would propel him to continue helping them out however he can. In the most optimal scenario possible, I think the best thing for Orion as a person would be to stay off of Cybertron (so he doesn't get sucked up into politics) but still be involved in his passions-- which are of course 1. being a hero and 2. being a jock.

I can honestly see Orion being completely alone on this journey and being content with it; OP is lonely and depressed, but IMO that's more due to the stress of the war and leadership rather than because he's lacking in social contact. (OP has never really come off as the sociable type; he's charismatic and a good leader, but he's actually quite reserved and solitary.) However, any of his traveling companions would definitely have to be mechs who aren't dazzled by his Primely image. My poor knowledge of the Transformers cast is biting me really badly here, lmao. Maybe a select few Autobots, maybe even some neutrals or other random Cybertronians he finds on his journey? But mostly I imagine Orion going on his journey alone. After all, he's pretty much the only person out of the cast (besides maybe Soundwave later in exRID/OP) that regards organics as 100% equals to Cybertronians, and given how common organic racism towards mechanicals is, I can't imagine many people having the desire or patience to save people who hate Cybertronians. Maybe Arcee would be a good companion for OP? She harbors guilt over the organic conquest she participated in, and she's also a solitary/stoic warrior like OP, so they would have common goals and a common ability to not probe deeply into the other's emotional issues.

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

Part 5 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Guardians

Helloooo! Did you think I was done? No!

My PhD thesis chapters were approved last week, so have some celebratory meta. I haven't seen the latest Season 4 episodes, so do forgive me for not being up to date.

Welcome to the next part of my analysis of the basic concepts of Miraculous Ladybug. Today we are talking about Master Fu, Order of the Guardians and how little everything here makes sense. I highly recommend reading previous parts to fully understand this one, but I'll try to quote most parts of earlier posts.

Order of the Guardians

Order is an international and ancient organisation (New York Special showed us the guardian from North America and he was dressed like Su Han). Presumably, Miraculous jewels were created by these people. Guardians are responsible for the preservation of jewels and knowledge about them. They also distribute Miraculouses to worthy people around the world to combat mostly magical threats, but sometimes jewels are used against normal threats too. It's implied that Master Fu used Miraculouses during WW2 when he was in Paris. Perhaps he performed some spywork with Marianne, but the magical nature of his interferences was discovered and he was forced to flee, before returning to France many decades later.

Why does the Order need so many people to take care of a 3 Miracle Boxes? If its only purpose is to preserve knowledge, keep magical secrets and distribute Miraculous jewels then wouldn't it be more logical to have Master-Apprentice system? It's much easier to keep magic knowledge a secret and train a few people in martial arts than doing the same in the self-sufficient temple full of people, keeping in mind that a good part of them are teenagers and children, who are bad at keeping secrets. Also a single person can travel around the world much easier to give out Miraculouses. Imagine that we have a few active guardians traveling the world with Boxes. What do other people at the temple do in the meantime? They teach the next generation about the powers of each Miraculous and Mirakung Fu, but besides that?

Master-Apprentice system gives us more personal conflict between Fu and his mentor and makes his relationship with Marinette and Adrien more nuanced. In this scenario Fu accidentally caused the death of his Master at 14 because he wasn't careful. It makes sense for him to take on only 1 or 2 students if this is how things were done with Miraculous Guardians. This Wang Fu is very cautious and protective, he spent the majority of his life afraid of hurting someone else and never took an apprentice as a result. But now he is ready to try again, since he is not getting any younger and he likes these 2 kids. He wants them to succeed. Maybe Master Fu, becomes the father figure for Adrien in this situation and a guide for Marinette. Just think about it. This way writers avoid the need to develop all these extra characters (Su Han) and traditions related to the Order. All inconsistencies I mentioned before and later in this post are gone now! Hell, even memory loss and the changing of the Miracle Box shape could make more sense. We also raise the stakes post-amnesia, if it happens of course (the whole Season 3 finale didn't make sense, so stay tuned for my next meta). Marinette and Adrien are on their own now, there's no one who can give them answers. It's very fun scenario, which has potential to be brilliant. Any thoughts on that?

The existence of Order of the Guardians is not quite a secret, at least it wasn't in XIX century China. Master Fu in "Feast" says that guardianship was considered "a great honor". It implies that people who lived close to the temple of the Order knew about Miraculouses and what exactly guardians did for the greater good.

The existence of other Miracle Boxes around the world makes sense from a real-life perspective. Writers have the ability to create many stories set in the same universe and use them for merchandise and an almost unlimited amount of content. Judging by the unholy amount of specials in production, this is exactly what the creators are going to do. It probably won't go down well, but who knows?

However, it doesn't work in our main story. The main conflict is Paris-centred. Gabriel's motivations revolve around Emilie's resurrection and Season 4 gives us more reasons to suspect that Adrien's mom wasn't as wonderful as everyone says. Hawkmoth still remains the main villain of the show and most likely it's going to stay that way. There's no point in moving the main story to different places for the sake of introducing more Miracle Boxes from around the world. Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed to fight something halfway across the world unless Hawkmoth also changes locations.

LB and CN are centrepieces of this franchise. They brought success and money to ZAG. Creators constantly need to remind the audience that this new piece of media with new characters who will never be mentioned again is connected to Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Writers have to come up with reasons to include our heroic duo into the story even if makes no sense.

New York Special had to introduce American Heroes whose names rarely come up in the fandom because people stopped caring about them or their stories shortly after the release of the Special. I barely saw any content dedicated to them. In order to bring LB and CN into the story, you have to include Hawkmoth too. Gabriel suddenly needs to get his hands on the Eagle Miraculous and goes to USA. Marinette and Adrien suddenly have a class trip to New York. Unfortunately, their presence in this story is required only to expand the world of Miraculous and attract fans of the show, so that they could keep an eye on new content related to newly introduced characters.

In the end, it's not their story. Events of the special don't affect main story of the show and the development of the love square is merely an illusion, because Adrien and Marinette are no closer than before. In season 4 LB and CN are growing apart and their test of trust in NY Special doesn't matter. Perhaps, some people don't see it that way and it's their right, but I find it hard to see NYS as a valid contribution to canon. I mean, even people in large portion of the fandom state in the tags on AO3 that "specials are not canon", "specials didn't happen" or "ignores both specials". It speaks volumes about continuity and preferences of your fandom.

Shanghai Special didn't give us more information about the Order, which is located in China, history of Miraculous jewels. We still don't know much about how Gabriel and Emilie found Peacock and Butterfly. Maybe, Marinette's family had connections to Miraculous jewels. Maybe, Adrien does some snooping and discovers research his parents made while Gabriel is away. All of these are relevant to the main story. However, we got something much different in the end.

Marinette chases Adrien across the globe and they make new friends. Fey becomes Ladydragon and now has a direct contact with Marinette through her uncle. Gabriel's desire to get his hands on the Prodigious comes out of nowhere. Apparently, he had been planning this trip for years, presumably even before Adrien was born. It probably happened at the same time as Agrestes found 2 Miraculouses. He bought bracelet-key (which is also a Miraculous apparently, but its Kwami is a Guardian of the Prodigious and they existed separately for a very long time - and let us not dwell on this mess) from some shady mafia boss, who can easily find out just who Gabriel really is (fashion designer billionaire) and use this information to blackmail him. This Special didn't answer important questions, but it gave us a new superhero character.

The real question is whether Miraculous as a project will survive long enough for writers to create content for every minor character they introduced in all specials. This is only a beginning after all.

Miraculous is not a global show and it can't be globalised in a way that makes sense, at least with Ladybug and Chat Noir in the centre of action. Case closed.

Mirakung Fu

I liked the idea of Mirakung Fu introduced in "Furious Fu". It makes sense and things rarely do in this show. Miraculous grants its holder superhuman strength, stamina, endurance and ability to fight. This means that essentially transformed heroes are guided by magic in combat. There's nothing personal in the way Miraculous holders fight. You can predict their moves and learn how to fight this magic guidance, which is what Su Han does.

However, if the holder has any special training, skills or knows any martial art in their civilian life then they become more dangerous opponents during transformation because now their fighting is a mix of magical moves and their personal knowledge, tricks and style. Therefore, Adrien and Kagami as skilful fencers have more chances of winning against someone who knows Mirakung Fu than Marinette, for example.

Memory loss

At the end of season 3, we find out several things:

apparently, now Miracle Box can change appearance to suit its guardian;

when Guardian passes down the Miracle Box to someone else, they lose memories not only about everything related to Miraculous, but also about pretty much everything in their life (Fu doesn't recognise Marianne, instead he experiences the love at first sight)

Master Fu trains Marinette to be the proper holder and next Guardian off-screen. He says that her training as the holder is complete in "Feast" and wants her to become the next Guardian. Fu told her lots of things, and yet, he never mentioned the fact that he would lose his memory after relinquishing the box, nor the fact that Marinette would lose her memory afterwards. She finds out about this from Wayzz after the battle with Miracle Queen and the letter that Master Fu gave her. That's not proper training! How on Earth do you forget to mention this memory loss? How?

Master Fu's amnesia is a convenient plot device that removes him from the narrative almost completely. That's mostly all there is to it. Why? Because it doesn't make sense.

Fu was around 7 or 8 when he started his training. The disaster at the temple happened when he was 14. He stated that his training was never complete, which means that he never passed any magical ritual, never swore an oath or was bound by some kind of spell that made him subjected to the rule of memory loss.

Miracle Boxes belonged to the order, not Fu. Their design reflected their country of origin because these Miraculous were made and kept in China. They were just standing there on the shelves not magically bound to anyone in particular. When Feast attacked, monks just tossed Wang Fu the miracle box and grimoire. No one at the temple lost their memory after Fu took the box with him (Su Han is the proof). Su Han not only remembers Fu and his mistake but everything that happened that fateful day as well. In "Furious Fu" Marinette explains Su Han that Master Fu lost his memory in the very first conversation they have. However, after Ladybug and Chat Noir fight Su Han on the roof and escape with the Miracle Box, the latter searches for Fu and attempts to take his staff from him. In this scene, Su Han acts like Fu knows very well what is going on and who he is.

Su Han should be aware of the memory loss rule as the Celestial Guardian. He remarks on the different shape of the Mother Miracle Box and calls her "incorrect", which means that Su Han should have been able to easily tell that previous Guardian lost his memory and the Miracle Box is now bound to someone else. But he doesn't say anything. Moreover, since Su Han is supposed to know about amnesia, he seemed awfully chill about forcing this 14-year-old girl in front of him to give up the box and her memories. Hell, Chat Noir wasn't on board with this. But we get zero reaction from Su Han.

During the first conversation between Marinette and Su Han, he doesn't ignore what she is trying to say, instead he actively comments on every word. Even if Su Han didn't listen when Marinette told him about Fu's memory loss, than he still should be able to understand that Fu doesn't recognise him, because of common sense and the "incorrect" shape of the box. But nothing of the sort happens. Because writers apparently forgot that "memory loss" is supposed to be known to everyone in the Order. On-screen it looks like Su Han is not aware of the "amnesia rule".

"Furious Fu" makes the concept of memory loss a plothole no matter how you look at it. Just like "Timetagger" and "Chat Blanc", as well as "Kwamibuster" this episode is not consistent within itself. It does not surprise me, however.

Grimoire and Guardian Staffs

Let's talk about the Miraculous Grimoire. Good things first.

There are no illustrations of Miraculouses in camouflage. Kwami can't read its contents, only guardians can. Certain elements are written in riddles as an additional precaution. The book contains only the information people have learned so far, which means that Miraculouses have more unexplored potential ("Mr. Pigeon 72"). It describes powers of each Miraculous, provides information about weapons, has instructions for potions that don't make sense (see previous parts).

Unfortunately, everything is about to go downhill from here.

Guardians are taught how to read the writing in this book. They can read it just like people learn to read texts in a different language. This means that one can read Grimoire like any other book (you don't need to consult some guide to decode each letter or word). Master Fu proclaimed Marinette an almost fully trained Guardian. He should have taught her how to read the Grimoire then (he doesn't know the code very well, but he knew enough to understand the general meaning and content of the book according to "Collector"). He didn't. We don't know why. He shows her powers of every Miraculous but doesn't teach her the code.

Master Fu knows that Grimoire now belongs to Gabriel Agreste. He knows that it's dangerous for someone else to have it. If they knew how to read the Grimoire, they could discover all secrets of Miraculouses and harm Ladybug, Chat Noir and other heroes. It's very important to keep the information about the code top secret because Fu is not the only one with the source material.

What does he do then? Master Fu proceeds to write a French translation of Grimoire for Marinette, a translation that he doesn't even need. He carries it with him at all times on a tablet (without any precautions) just like the Miracle box after "Feast". Naturally, it means that in "Miracle Queen", Gabriel and Nathalie easily managed to get their hands on the tablet and Miracle Box. It allows the plot to happen, sure. But it doesn't make any sense.

"Furious Fu" created another curious plot hole. It will probably be ignored, of course. Su Han has a staff with a magical compass that allows him to find any Miracle box, but not the Miraculous jewels for some reason. How does the staff work? Can it locate the box without the Miraculous? If yes, then it seems useless. What's the point in the ability to locate an empty box? If it can locate the box only with the Miraculous jewels inside, it implies that the staff can track the location of every Miraculous too. So, Su Han could just locate the Butterfly and Peacock without any problem. But he talks about reassigning Ladybug and Black Cat to adults and defeating Hawkmoth like locating the Butterfly is not possible. This situation makes the Guardian Staff a simple plot device that creates plot holes and its only purpose is to explain how Su Han found Marinette.

Also, I have a few more words to say about this. Master Fu had a Guardian Staff that was never mentioned before. I wonder why? That's because the staff didn't exist before "Furious Fu" was written. Writers just went: "Do you know what would be cool? If Fu's cane was really a secret Guardian Staff with a compass all along that he decided to keep even after he lost his memory? It would make people wonder whether Master Fu is faking amnesia, and everyone will definitely call him an awful mentor after this even though we kind of tried to make him a good and responsible person."

Fu didn't give it to Marinette and didn't mention it to her. Why? When he gave up his memory, he should have written about this in his letter at least. Why did he decide to keep it? He can't use it anyway now.

Please note how in the flashbacks Fu didn't take any staff with him when he escaped the temple. Su Han seemed to know how Fu's staff looked like. It means that Master Fu didn't make this staff himself, because it belonged to the Order.

Su Han wasn't even surprised that Marinette didn't have the staff as the current Guardian. Was she not supposed to have it? He never questioned the fact that the former Guardian without memories has the staff. Su Han actually returns this staff to Fu after he is deakumatized and Fu acts like they have never met before. Why did Su Han gave the staff back when he knows what it is and to whom it should belong (to him or to Marinette as the current Guardian)? The staff is useless in the hands of the civilian. Does Marianne know about its secret? We'll probably never find out, unfortunately.

Guardian Staff of Master Fu has a compass too and therefore this also makes it a plot device, just like Su Han's staff.

[siren-virus]

Ok, first question about Luckyboy!AU, Rook has a girlfriend? As far as I know in cannon he doesn't even have a love interest? thought that might be my fault since it's been years since I've watched any Ben 10 series (really have to rewatch some eppisodes here :P) Who is she and what is she like? Has Rook ever taken her girlfriend in a date to the coffee shop? How much of a tease is Ben with Rook when he isn't on a date? And how much of a wingman is he when he is in one?

How is Ben's social life outside his Nekomata persona by the way? I imagine he still has some friends since he's a charismatic extrovert, but with how different everything is here compared to the prime timeline, I can't see who he might be friends with besides Julie.

Now, let's make some questions that aren't about Ben :D With the amount of invasions that Earth has had over the years is the general public privy of the existence of aliens as something more than just tourists that one almost never sees, or do they know but only aknowledge it when they see an alien in person? How is the general people view of aliens regardless?

Also, does Gwen 10 have good or bad public relations? Like, does Will Harangue berate her and turn the public against her, or is she lucky enough that he's focused on Nekomata and not her? How do the humans see her, as a hero, a child soldier, a menace, a necessary evil?

Also also, how do the Plumbers play in the whole PR thing? Do they manipulate everything so the humans have the view they think is the healthiest between humans and aliens? Do they only play damage control whenever alien activity is reported to the public? Are they known or are they still an underground organization? How does the public view them as, considering they're basically intergalactic police that aren't the most competent, specially considering that some countries have beef with their own police forces?

Now, to leave all of the political and heavy talk behind, how often does Ben play with Ship and Julie? Like, they're friends, obviously Ben gets petting privilegies and becomes a pet sitter whenever Julie has to go on a tournament and can't take care of them herself. PET SHENANNIGANS MUST ENSUE THERE, AND YOU CAN'T CONVINSE ME OTHERWISE XD

Also, I imagine a scenario where Kevin and Gwen enter the coffee shop unaware that the other is in there and Ben does everything in his power to force them to sit on the same table, reminding both of them that this is a true neutral zone and "Please don't break anything here and remember to play nice, if you manage to get through this without punching eachother I'll give you a discount on your next coffee", which is a very good offer if they think about it. Meanwhile Argit is waiting at the bar watching over the situation "Bet you 10 bucks they'll be shouting over eachother in 5 minutes" "Bet you it takes them 10 minutes"... It takes them 7 and a half minutes exactly and they can't decide who wins the bet. "There's no way they're getting out of this hating eachother any less" "As long as they don't break anything and don't bother the other clients, I count it as a win"

So Rook had an established relationship in Omniverse with Rayonna, she was introduced abit later in the series when Ben and Rook with to Revonnah. It was a very 2D relationship, just put there maybe cause of the whole shipping fiasco between Ben and Rook(?) don't take my word for it ;;

For the Lucky Boy! AU, they're together, but it's been years since Rooks been to Revonnah, crime never takes a break, neither does he. So his relationship with Rayonna is very flakey, they're on the verge of breaking up, buuut due to Revonnahgander traditions, they're together still. (pulling this out of my ass ;; )

Rook ends up mentioning he has a girlfriend at some point, it was just a casual thing, Ben won't bring up the topic because the way Rook talks about Rayonna makes him feel a little bit iffy towards the subject.

Outside of work and the Nekomata persona Ben's a little awkward in the social circumstances. At that point his social battery's almost completely clocked out. So unless he's dragged out by his friends, Julie, his old soccer mates - although it's happening a lot less now, since school finished a while ago and they're moving on with their own lives- (i refuse to call it football), Alan, if they both end up clocking out at the same time. OR, Rook. Sometimes Max if he's around will invite Ben for lunch or an afternoon snack run. (Mr smoothies, with a "healthy" dose of chillie fries. Best way to lure Ben out.)

Hell yeah, let's get down to the world building buisness, my favourite cup of tea.

Humans are very knowledgeable about alien existence, you'd have to be pretty ignorant to not believe in aliens. (I mean, lets face it, in the world we live in today, I bet, that if aliens did show themselves, some group would just say they're government actors, or russian/chinese spies. Comical, but sadly a realistic scenario...)

With the amount of invasions that have happened, and the daily attacks- normally done by humans with access to alien tech- Humans are quite fearful of them. Which has urged the plumbers to keep the aliens that live on earth down underTown.

It's not all humans of course, just most. Media influence has also pushed the feardar way up.

Will Harangue, surprisingly uplifts Gwen 10 to the eyes of the public, he's also much more focused on Nekomata. (bad news= views= good news). In Harangues personal opinion though, he'd prefer no aliens at all. So he does let his badmouthing of Gwen slip sometimes.

They do a lot of damage control, their original goal was to keep alien life hidden from the public until they(the people) were deemed ready, however, not so easy when an invasion happens nearly once a month. At least it's all limited to Bellwood. For now...

The plumbers are known to the public but aren't like your typical police force- you can't just call them. But they're always around on patrol. The police aren't exactly fond of them cause "They're terking our jerbs". But they have a joint thing going on, the police handle the human crimes, unless alien tech is involved, and the plumbers handle the alien crimes.

The public views them as an iffy subject, not exactly hailed as heroes, but more of a neutral, they're here to stay I guess, kinda thing. The focus is on Gwen mostly, as the poster child(adult) of the plumbers. (this is where I really wanna separate reality and fantasy, cause like, the issues with the police at the moment is major sooo, eh, it's a touchy subject matter)

Yes to this one. When Julie's away Ben and Ship play. Ben and Julie don't meet up often, work and the vigilante life make Ben way too busy, buuut when they do meet up Julie will pop by Bens apartment - Ben makes sure nothing incriminating is around if that's the case - , or they'll hang out at the dog park, and watch the dogs go ballistic around Ship.

For the pet scenarios, visualize them to your hearts content. I got some cats laying around for my reference... even though they mostly sleep- lazy bastards.

Yes to this too! Argit and Ben would totally make bets- Ben being an anodite can sense Kevin and Gwens emotions and when they're gonna break out into a fight- So he always wins the bets. Argit has learned to not bet too high when it comes to that- if he actually forks up in the first place- .

In the case Kevin and Gwen had broken out into a fist fight, Kevin obsorbing the marble counter, Gwen turning into fourarms. Ben nearly broke his cover trying to prevent any fights, until a coworker had stepped in and promptly kicked them both out. (maybe I'll design some coworkers)

Now to get me some mint tea, cause my fingers are about to freeze off ;;

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

[memory-hoarder]

WARNING (LONG POST AHEAD)

I turn off the lights, scrolled my phone and clicked the Spotify app currently listening to (calming acoustic) 10: 05 PM, best time to unleashed all emotions that piled up from nowhere. I covered myself with a huge blanket and placed the laptop on my lap and decided to visit my page. I know, I'm being inactive lately but I'm doing my best to update my journal publicly to remind me of my long absences.

Tonight, I decided to post the questions I received a night before my birthday celebrated. I kept this on my file for a month now. Admittedly, this is the huge decision I made on my birthday. So, I asked a random people on my messenger lists - some are my work colleagues while others are acquaintances. At first, I am hesitant to ask for favor to anyone but I did. Well, I guess it was successful though I received different reactions - some confused and thought I was making fun while others are game on to sent their questions. Obviously, it took days for me to answered cos it turns out that I wasn't prepared myself for few questions that somehow affects me literally.

The twist here is I am not allow to send my answer to their questions. However, I can answer it through this journal. Which I described as bravery.

Here are some of the questions:

How’s Life? How’s Life?

A question that been asked me twice. Well, this year was the great sadness of my life that challenged me mentally, emotionally and drained me physically. Sometimes a mere struggle on financially. I’m doing fine but lots of times I seriously breaking down especially the trauma of what happened 8 months ago. But today, I accepted the fact and slowly healing me and appreciate what really God’s intention and plan for my life.

Are you happy right now?

Not sure how to put it into words but there is no reason not to be happy. Right? If you just appreciate the life you are living right now or even the smallest thing that makes you smile or giggle I guess there is no reason to be sad at all. Although, lots of times I felt happy, sad, angry or lost. But there are still lots of reasons to celebrate or be joyful too. I juts let myself felt all the emotions that life wanted me to experienced to remind me that I indeed exist. There are people who could bring me joy and sadness at the same time but all I know they are all part of my journey.

Have you ever missed me before we lost our communication? Do you consider me as true friend?

Of course, I do. I miss the old you the person who I genuinely treasured during my college days. And, you are one of the reasons why I indeed survived college. I just don’t understand why we both let this friendship died. Was it because we no longer catch up? But, how I hope building friendship again will no longer hard as I imagined. But, please know that you became part of my story. I always count on you whenever I am sad and confused. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts because I know you will never judge me. Hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself!

Why there are times you don’t have the mood to talk?

Because, I read my surroundings and I feel comfortable being alone not to isolate but to process my own thoughts with myself which my normal thing growing up and I choose this way - became aloof at times not wanted to talk to anyone or go out. It makes me sad to think only few understand my personality. However, I can't just normalize this because of extrovert people I knew. I don’t have mood to talk and I push away people closed to me because I find a happy place being alone. Its not sad or dark what it gives me is peace of mind that no on can offer.

Would you like to change your past or stay on your present path? Why and why not?

I believed majority will choose the past, we all wanted to change one thing that we regret of doing - apologies, goodbye's, places to travel, opportunities we must have and other important things we slip away that is why I choose the past over my present. One thing I am eager to experience all over again is my mom's precious life, only if I had the power to bring her back. I was just 16 years old when she died, and I think the years of her being a mother to us will never be enough. However, her life is a blessing and all the valuable teachings that she imparted on me and to my siblings will remain on us forever. How I wish for her to at least see as growing up especially my brother that she spoiled a lot, and for us to give back all the things she deserved. I imagined date her on a restaurant, buy her clothes, treat her to the salon or accompany her on the grocery store. I also wanted to visit the past to catch up with my high school friends – Mira and Jeno, I will never forget how they literally brings me deep joy and the reason I am early bird during junior high because of the dare. I just missed the sound of Jeno's sense of humor, I treated her more than a friend rather a sister and it broke me when I received the news that he's gone. I was not there for him nor visit his and mom's grave for years now. I wanted to comfort Mira, but I am too far away and impossible to have my own money for my flight expenses. What I did is to cried and prayed for his soul. All of the good memories flashed back once more yet I realized God might took away two beautiful souls in my life but I am confident they watching over and guiding me through life.

I am or was curious regarding James situation, did it ever cross your mind you regret James being your boyfriend?

In all of the questions I received this one hits me hard to the core. For everyone’s knowledge James and I are in a relationship for over 4 years now. Just like other couples we did fight over little things yet we matured and grow together. One thing I really loved about James Charlie is how kind and pure his heart. He helps people as long as he can even himself are struggling to live. Not to mention his over confidence that I am jealous of. I guess, because of how friendly and inviting his amour. Also, a talented one he knows how to dance, sing and imitate different kinds of sounds, He’s grammar and vocabulary are lit. He can also play guitar very well, draw portrait’s and even writing a poems. He knew, he won my heart through his creative abilities. I was also surprised how he interested over history of aliens, bermuda triangle, mermaids and what I consistently heard of the Pyramid of Giza, life documentaries and other related history of it. I find him sexy whenever he talked about some of it. Our age gap is never an issue on our relationship and I am lucky that he guided me on everything, considered my opinions or thoughts and when I freaked out badly which occasionally happened he handle me perfectly and I appreciated his temperament level during my anxiety attacks or whenever I choose to isolate myself him being shut off. He understood me in my own terms and be myself. Yet relationship will test your loved from one another, there were also things that I don’t like of him doing however James does listened to me. He listens to advises either coming from me or from other people that cared for him. He is a vocal person, that one thing that I fall for him is his sense of humor. I guess talkative and being clingy towards person is his nature especially growing up in a broken family. Consistent communication is a key. I remembered he told me that I was different to all the girls she dated on his past life. That I am out of his league, he doesn’t know that he is of out my league too but when I know him deeply he taught me lessons in life and felt his warm love. Over the course of our relationship he respect the limitless of our love language and he accepted and understood the love without intimacy is a different level of love and respect and from his perspective I wanted everyone to know that James has a huge respect towards me, my beliefs and reasons. How someone could wait for something that he can easily took away something on his past relationship. Our relationship is somehow changed us individually into a better person. Getting older, he became dreamer and goal oriented. I witnessed all his hard work, that he celebrated through silence. He wanted to build home and think of small business that will be our retirement in the future. How many kids we wanted or how many dogs we will going to breed. I guess, some people misunderstood James for so long, how miserable life that no one to talk and curse during your victories or failures? Friends and addiction in alcohol and other stuff are his way of escaped, escape from the reality that lead him to take his own precious life once. I know how difficult life for him way back on his early 20’s that he fought all his battle alone and how he overcome his depression and addiction without someone to lean on. And nowadays, everything makes sense to me that I realize being independent sometimes is not a choice but more on a decision. decision and accepting no one will guide you through your journey so you have to do it alone either it brings you sadness or happiness in a process, not to count living alone and make money all by yourself. I agreed he might do bad decision in life but that doesn’t mean his life has no purpose at all. Instead, God is confident that he will win this battle not for everyone, not for the sake of me or our relationship but for himself. As for our current situation, I know being with him and fight through the end will inspired him a lot. Yes, he currently working on his self and will prove to everyone when the time comes that he will be able to regain his new

life and continue living.

We introverts, tend to think a lot, like really overthink a lot. What do you mostly overthink and how deep? Deep, like does it leads you to think more negatively resulting to depression? (mild depression, maybe).

I overthink some scenarios on my head when it really affects my whole being and when every time I think of it, obviously it trigger my anxiety not depression I guess. I can recall one or two hard situations that happened to me, and I know it wasn’t me trying to act that way. I even punished myself and literally breakdown trying to hurt myself, call me freak or whatever cos now I asked myself too how I even allowed myself to did terrible things, because anxiety creeping on me and telling me to do it. But, mostly I think of is my future and myself – deep that it scared me a lot. I have lot of questions of this world that I keep on searching by myself until now.

Why it took for you to share your problems?

Honestly, when I’m having a serious problem I am not confident to share to anybody except to my family who already knew. It took too long because advises no longer work for me, I listened because it was normal people do – advise and advise. Maybe, it was me who are picky to share my problem with, sometimes people listened but never in heart. Not all people deserve to know your struggle and during your lowest times, I have my own terms of coping so you do.

How do you maintain your petite body? If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wow! I never see this coming. Well, I guess being fit is what I inherited on my father's side. They not so fat unlike on my mother's side. I have no limit on foods I intake in other words not your discipline person to look up to. I do eat carbs, junk foods and sodas is always on my list. I never worried if I am physically fit aside from walking Maxine during days off. I don't know how do I maintain this body I guess I'm never. Being fit actually is my insecurity. However, I do loved my body whatever what happen.

Well, if I had 3 wishes in life - first, to end this pandemic so that everything will back to normal. second, for James to have peace of mind and good health while waiting for the process of his case. And, lastly, for me to be strong, lasting patience and strong faith.

How would you solve your problems?

Problems is always part of lives. But, I believed it is always about the degree of the problem. Whenever, I had problem sometimes I resolved it in time but other times I need more time and space to think what will be the resort of it. And, pray for some guidance.

As independent being, how do you handle depression and anxiety?

Good thing to end all of this questions, I became independent when I graduated from college. I have to commute 131 kilometers back and forth from another city just to apply on my first job and the process is never easy at all. When you sent all of your applications form on each companies but never accepted It brought so much sadness, one point of my life I am eager to seek job because I used it as my coping mechanism to walked away from home which I did now, I walked away to protect my peace of mind especially having anxiety growing up and having this thing is hard as people imagined. You might only see darkness and feel of losing but for me, I guess for a year now I handled myself perfectly I never allow this condition to swallow me whole and affect my way of living. I reminded myself to keep strong and remain optimist and always protect my peace of mind at all cost.

.

I am 24 now strong and happy and leaving Haruki Murakami quote: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what storms all about"

[myinterestsvary-writes]

I don't get the attitude. I ship Kataang. I think Zutara is stupid. All I'm saying is that before TLOK came along I was pretty sure that if we visited the gaang 10 years later it was going to be something like Katara and Aang broke up but stayed friends and Aunt Wu's prediction came true in that Katara ended up marrying Zuko or some other bender and Aang and Meng got married and had all these airbender kids. I didn't think they were going to be allowed to stay together and TLOK was a pleasant surprise. No it was great from certain standpoints for Aang fans but I wasn't asking you about that from an Aang point of view. I'm asking you if you would have been cool with Katara and Aang married to other people since without TLOK, it's possible that the post-canon stuff would have eventually had them with other people. It's not a gotcha, it's not a trap, it's a question.

I WISH the writers allowed Aang and Katara to get with other people if that was how they were going to write the both of them: have his embittered kids drop so much knowledge on the man we thought we knew from the previous series in an entirely hard to watch scene and shitting on people who'd even try to contextualize by having Kya and Bumi mock his and Tenzin's circumstances and not have any other third party like a flashback, or an appearance from Aang or Katara offered up to the audience to even try to fix any misunderstandings on a meta level. No, we get the living embodiment of Aang's inadequency in Bumi, who's actually so depressing and gross as I know he would smell bad if I ever met him. I especially HATE that this is used by fucking antis who admit to have never watched or enjoyed the sequel show as another reason to hate on my ship, LITERALLY ANTAGONIZING ME. I know you want Aang to irrefutably be guilty of something...but oh, my God! They make up stupid reasons from the original canon to make their situation in the sequel plausible which just comes off as extremely spiteful. Another reason to hate TLOK, it makes people view the original canon in a very specific and restrictive way.

It'll be controversial for Aang and Katara to not stay together given their bond, but in a good way because that'll be something memorable from an otherwise unremarkable sequel. It'll make everyone happy, including Kataang fans as they'll have full freedom to imagine things differently for Kataang instead of holding onto a very mediocre attempt at interesting storytelling. Also, it'll put their dynamic in a different light for many as I said already, in a way that'll truly allow more experimental fics with them (as I want more interesting Kataang plots).

Aang and Katara have good communication! Aang is not ableist! Although she is very forgiving of him, Katara doesn't let Aang get away with everything!

Another thing: you can't say Aang always gets the short end of the stick in terms of writing then take liberties to say all sorts of things about his character from said writing (mostly apparent in the sequels actually, so come on) and then expect people to respect what you have to say afterwards. Same with Katara. Dealing with bad writing constructively is criticizing it, not accept it for an obvious agenda you don't even bother to hide.

It's not too hard to believe for me that Aang wouldn't be a greater parent with anyone else as he's naturally just going to be a very busy man, so his worst case scenario in that regard is often times not far from his best case (though, with someone like Katara as the mother, many fans justly think it was weird for their famiy dynamics to turn out the way it did because no matter how much she personally coddled Aang by fans' standards, when she recognizes a wrong, she does something about it - her kids didn't seem adept at masking their emotions or were inarticulate in their experiences, at least Kya wasn't). I'm just saying though, I believe a child who suffered from neglect to the degree Aang's kids did with their mother still very present wouldn't turn out the way their kids did. I'm not saying I don't believe what they have to say despite my bias, but I do at least refuse to just take the situation put out for us as is since it just feels...awful.

[donnerpartyofone]

This is so not a story at all, so get ready for a whole bunch of nothing about what a gigantic snob I am!

I can't stop thinking about this journey I went on with this person on Instagram. I'm obsessed with the area my dad's family is from, which is this weird tiny Finnish-but-culturally-Swedish, autonomous, demilitarized archipelago in the Baltic Sea. I'm always looking for Instagram users who live there, to see what daily life is like. I happened upon this one middle aged guy, and quickly noticed that he liked comics and genre film, which seemed lucky--the smaller a population, the less likely I am to find somebody with all my "weird" interests. So I followed him, even though I objected to his Van Dyke facial hair and consistently douchey uniform of a trench coat and porkpie hat. Then, I slowly began to realize that I didn't think he had very good taste in general; we generally liked the same kind of cult cinema, but he always seemed to find anything remotely cerebral to be really boring, and he skewed more toward Troma-style attention grabs, which *I* find really boring. His preferred comics ranged from boringly mainstream, to weirdly bad--cheapo revivals of musty old strip comics that absolutely nobody cares about. I knew the very slim population of guys who actually bought those books in the states, old duffers who a) think everything is a collector's item, and b) think their encyclopedic knowledge of e.g. seldom-seen silent era actors makes them geniuses. These guys also usually wore trench coats and porkpie hats, so I guess some things stay the same all around the world. On a side note, there's something distinctly European about loving both stuffy old genre material that has pretty much turned to dust by now (sword and sandal dramas, swashbuckling pirate adventures, etc), AND raunchy "in your face" splatterpunk satire. I can't describe why but it's definitely a thing, I encountered it a lot when I was spending time in France on and off, and it always gave me the willies for some unnamable reason. Uh anyway, I eventually figured out that this guy actually WRITES some of these throwback comics. I was thinking to myself, why the fuck would ANYBODY be obsessed with The Phantom, a property so boring that even in our creatively bankrupt post-everything era, the only attempt to mine it for contemporary interest is that forgotten Billy Zane movie? But no, it all makes sense, because this guy occasionally writes for a Phantom series that comes out of Australia. Let's take a quick look at some covers for that series, which will give us a good idea of why most rational people don't do this jungle adventure shit anymore:

I especially "like" the last one, where the Phantom is fucking some girl in a pool of native blood. The other thing this guy writes for occasionally is a comedy serial that I guess has been running forever, that's another kind of thing that lets me know the limits of my own taste. I guess it's kind of an Archie type of thing about conscripted military service:

The drawings are absolutely hideous, the jokes barely exist, and I don't even know how the scenario in the last one is supposed to have happened--did he phase shift through the tree or something? I had two jobs in the span of about 15 years where I saw all kinds of comics, so I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of thing, I just never ever "got" it. Even when the material is actually good, I never had good feelings toward the hairy, bulbous, hyperactive drawings that characterize a lot of European comedy output. Some of this would be forgivable if it were strictly for children, but Wikipedia tells me that this 91:an series is mostly read by older audiences. I would assume that this is because the existing fans mainly caught onto it in THEIR childhood, but who fucking knows, I have no idea what would attract anybody to this stuff in the first place.

Anyway, I just looked at this guy's Twitter page, and it lists him as a journalist and movie critic as well. I scrolled through about a year's worth of tweets to see if I could find any of his movie reviews. I could not. And, it's not an exaggeration to say that 85-90% of his tweets are just links to obituaries (not written by him) of like, every single remotely show business-y person who died, the second they died. This is another classic attribute of the kind of nerd who cares about Prince Valliant and shit, they always know everybody who is dead and they're really pushy about telling you for some reason. I find all of this kind of understandable when the person is in their 70s or something and has seen a lot of changes in the world, but this guy is only in his 40s or so. It's as if he fell in with a "bad crowd" of elderly nerds at a rummage sale (or at the very comic shop where I worked for many years, because they were all friends with the owner!) and just patterned his whole life after them.

Anyway, I don't really know what point I'm coming to. Probably none, I've just been thinking about this obsessively ever since I realized that this guy doesn't just innocently read bad comics, he actually writes them. I always knew there must be people who wrote these comics, I just never imagined them before, and now I got a whole profile going. Apparently this dude has a couple of screenwriting credits too, but I'm too scared to watch them.

[sineala]

Oh dear lord I'm excited to read whatever that's gonna be from! Can't wait to get some context for that scenario. I don't know what that whole fic is gonna be about, but that should be the summary.

I don’t actually know what happens in the story after this scene, but it is a story in which Steve Rogers, former artist for the Captain America comics (a canonical fact!), meets Tony Stark the Iron Man cosplayer (also a canonical fact!) at a con where Steve has been persuaded to sign autographs. Steve is surprised and flattered that people still care about his old comics. Tony, who is both a nerd and an epic troll, takes this opportunity to introduce himself to Steve -- they both have secret identities to the public at this point in canon but not to each other -- by means of trolling him with said sketch request.

"Do you take commissions?" Iron Man asked, and, wow, he had the vocal filtering going, just like Tony. Steve wanted to compliment him -- he was just like the real thing -- but he had no idea what to say that wouldn't give him away, because of course it wasn't as if the entire world had intimate knowledge of Iron Man.

Steve reached for another Sharpie and uncapped it. He flipped open the issue, looking for a good place to sign, but Iron Man was still talking, even as Steve's brain finished catching up with the question.

"I'm interested in commissioning a sketch," Iron Man said. He leaned forward, edging into Steve's personal space, splaying his gauntleted hands on the table. "I'd like you to draw me wearing only a tiny thong, with Captain America staring at my mostly-naked body in horror."

Well, it wasn't the strangest or most obscene request he'd ever gotten. But still, that was a no. That would have been a no even if he did do commissions, which he didn't have the time to, what with the Avengers gearing up again; he wasn't actually a working artist anymore.

Steve's mouth was moving on autopilot, and he gave him the same answer he'd given everyone else with inappropriate requests of a similar nature. The same thing he'd told the flirtatious Nomad, actually. "I'm sorry," he said, by rote. "I'm not comfortable with that."

He looked away; he put his head down, focusing on the comic issue on the table. Iron Man's shadow over the pages shifted as he leaned in more.

"Yeah," Iron Man said, a drawling reply, but one that sounded almost amused. "Just imagine how I felt."

At some point I’m gonna figure out what happens after this and write the rest. I’m sure Steve’s gonna end up drawing Tony something. Maybe not that, though.