#This was done on cardstock

[noctilu-uca]

Unfinished ahh painting

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do you get incredibly excited over cataloguing candles or are you normal

[sysig]

My printer hates me :) (with many thanks and credit to @niennanir as before)

Gosh aren’t they gorgeous tho ♥ Especially the latest and largest, though I have to give all the credit to the paper on that one haha, it’s stunning IRL, I could almost stare at the gold lattice forever rather than read, but I’m so happy with how it turned out between the pages as well!

Quick showcase of the new additions! :D

My Drinking Game as another test run, I got the spacing how I wanted it! Yay! It’s so much handsomer and less cramped! Also I gotta say, if it wasn’t such a large usage of paper, this would be my ideal way of checking for typos - I found a couple after setting it down to ink lol, they’ve been fixed now at least ♪ Paired here with the emerge, transformed three-parter, one of my all-time-favourites <3 I reread it the night I finished it and cried again, a little bit of tender mercy always wrecks me hhhh ♥ There are so many beautiful evocative lines! I’m so happy to hold it ♪ And as you can see above, that was the one that got the cute little ghost dust jacket :D

Another test run of what I’m calling volume 1 of my Vargas Drabbles lol, so not including Have you lost your mind? since that one’s currently unfinished. I do fully intend to print it once it’s done tho :3c Hopefully that one will cause me fewer problems! I hate measuring, so I may have flubbed two covers before finally getting this one into good enough shape XP And my red yarn is still in storage so >.> Did I go purchase another ball of red yarn? I’ll never tell. You can’t tell me it doesn’t look great as a bookmark tho <3

And my current happiest! Ah!! It turned out fantastic on all counts! The cover paper obviously, as I couldn’t Not lead with that, but also the size of the spine and the way the pages settled against each other while glueing - I used a different type of paper for this one and I think I’m completely converted over, it feels amazing to work with. Whatever I was using before had to have been like 15lbs lol, I’m literally just using normal 20lb printer paper but it feels and looks and behaves so much nicer <3 The size of Helix also allowed for a slightly larger bookmark, which was perfect because we had this soft gold ribbon that was all of a couple millimeters wider than the other ribbons/yarn I’d been using, and it looks so so so pretty with the gold detailing!! I’ve put it between Ch. 1 and 2 and getting to see the actual physical size differences of the chapters is so fun ♥

[ppapagei]

my boss knows absolutely nothing about art & yet insists on going through the supplies in the studio without me just throwing away shit without asking. and then when im there to help talks down to me constantly over how to arrange everything, what to keep, how fast i‘m working, etc. then changed my schedule this week so i don’t get a 3 day weekend before the students are back. Im so pissed this shit keeps happening. like im the one teaching and actually working here day to day, i know what im doing!!!!!!! you live out of the state, by your own words you’re not an artist & don’t know shit about art, ur are just here to renovate the building over the summer and do admin. i snapped n was like it would go faster if you trusted me to just work and didn’t stop to go through everything with me…. And now i was sent on a lunch break :)))) gonna EXPLODE

[blueskittlesart]

kay em ess

[bamsara]

Im not as confident with this fic as everyone thinks i am about this story and this textblock has grammatical and spelling errors in it

But! The best things about book binding your own fic is that (1) its great for getting into book binding and doing tests (2) you only need your own permission as you own the transformative work and (3) its fun 10/10 highly recommend book binding your own writing. It does a cool click to your brain

First attempt at book binding my own fic, Solar Lunacy; ARC 1, Chapters 1-13. Aprox 185,343 wordcount, newer chapters not included.

I messed up and made the font size and margins smaller than the average book, so doing the actaul book will be thicker, but I had to squish the current signature sizes into this hardcover I yanked and upcycled from the thrift store. I used fabrics that I had lying around from making my Sun & Moon cosplays.

It's not perfect but it's good for a test bind! Now to actually fix the text block and make a decent hardcover. Eventually.

[magicalgirlmascot]

Oh fuck I gotta make new business cards

[cackled0g-art]

[noctilu-uca]

"He just wants to play

And be loved

What is that.

Why it and not me

Can you please look at me

And love me too.

Can you help me be happy

Where are you going?"

[villainousauthor]

Hero stares down at the paper in front of them with mounting dread. Their stomach is all tied in knots, and they feel a cold sweat at the back of their neck.

"You know, you don't have to do this if you truly don't want, I'm not forcing you." Villain purrs behind Hero, voice against their ear. The threat is unspoken. If Hero doesn't sign, they'll continue with their rampage. Continue killing, destroying, maiming.

The pen shakes in Hero's hand as they continue staring down at the paper. It's just a piece of paper, made of thick cardstock, cream white. Yet Hero has been staring at it for fifteen minutes, as if it'll bite them.

Certificate of Marriage

The font is too pretty, all stately and official looking. Hero feels as if they may throw up any minute.

"I don't understand why.." Hero finally finds their voice, asking the question that's been bouncing around in their mind since Villain first pulled the paper out as they suggested a truce.

"You already know my terms. In exchange for leaving your hero friends unharmed, for leaving the civilians of the city unharmed, I want you." Villain's voice is something possessive, filled with fire and heat. "This just makes it more official. More binding."

Hero shudders, and they feel as Villain steps closer behind them, a dark shadow looming over them. They know this goes beyond simply wanting to make their agreement more binding and they both know it.

"You know it's not legitimate- it's not legally binding without an officator." Hero stumbles over their words, not even sure if that's true.

Villain snorts, not usually one to be worried about legality of course. They put a hand to Hero's shoulder, warm and rough.

"I can find a priest to threaten. No one needs to know how and when we signed. Unless you'd rather make a big ceremony of this." Villain's tone is now teasing, amused by the idea of a wedding. "That could certainly be done if you prefer."

Flushing hot, Hero shakes their head quickly. No, they would not prefer that. This is already nerve-wracking and humiliating as is. A part of them wants to outright refuse, to tear the paper the shreds, and throw it in their face, but Hero knows this is the chance to get Villain to back down.

"I wouldn't be unkind to you." Villain says, voice suddenly softer and more serious. They lean forward, face resting against Hero's neck. The most terrible part is that Hero knows they mean it. They wouldn't be unkind or cruel, and that makes this all the more difficult. "You'd belong to me, but I'd take care of you."

Hero already knows there's no choice. They knew from the beginning that there was no other option. They have to do what is best for everyone else. Shakily, they finally nod.

"So selfless, so sacrificial to others." Villain says as they place a feather light kiss against the shell of their ear. "We'll have to work on that once you're with me."

They take Hero's hand currently holding the pen in their own, their grasp strong, as they lift it to the paper.

[sillywizardman]

HI!!! After finishing Disco Elysium I wanted to read Sacred and Terrible Air, but there were two issues:

1. It’s not officially released in English

2. I don’t like staring at pdfs!

So I did what any sane person would do. That is take three days of my life printing and binding it.

TRANSLATION (“thank you Group Ibex” we all say in unison!):

PROCESS PICS:

I apologize in advance for anyone who has experience in this sort of thing this is so botched.

I have NEVER done anything like this before, I don’t even read books on my own volition, but if the Disco fixation wants me to learn how to sew and bookbind I’ll do that.

Four of the signatures above. There were nine total, eight of them with 8 sheets/32 pages and the last was five sheets I think. Threw the pdf into adobe acrobat and went straight to printing with those settings and the “booklet” option enabled.

Pricked holes through each signature! Used thumbtacks and a piece of foam I scavenged from my room, worked out great. It’s probably also worth mentioning I do not have a bone folder, book press, or any of the other fancy schmancy bookbinding tools. Flattened the pages with a pencil and pressed with D&D books…

SEWING TIME. I have never sewn in my life. My success in this regard can be majorly attributed to Sea Lemon on youtube, particularly this tutorial:

The process from printing to finishing sewing the signatures took ~8 hours. Now we hit our first roadblock, I had no glue for the spine! After going to sleep and waiting what felt like ages (literally 10 hours or so) before I was free to visit a craft store, I tried to find PVA glue because that’s what you’re supposed to use I think?? Yeah. They were out of PVA glue and my impatient ass got mod podge.

‘Tis glued! As you can see I added cardstock to the ends. Joyous day.

Also, you see that sketchbook in the pic? Yeah? You see that lovely cardboard?

It is now the cover. Rest in piss bristol sketchpad backing.

———

EDIT: I see a bunch of people want to attempt this so here’s a video on how to make the hardcover: https://youtu.be/Av_rU-yOPd4?si=7T5zgVJGAfPFBxn-

I didn’t use any measurements or advice from it but it’s a good reference for when it comes to assembling the cover from ~3:50 onwards. The boards are same size as your text block pages and spine, I think I made the cover width a bit longer just in case it doesn’t cover the text block though. Do not do this with the spine, I regret it.

And note, this is NOT a tutorial, it is the process of someone who got a bit too silly and decided to bind a book, obviously do your own research lol. Don’t be afraid to try it though, it’s surprisingly simple!

———

… So, now that’s done! I swore to myself I wouldn’t start reading SATA/PJÕL until I finished this project completely, meaning I’ll be doing that now yippee :]

[greaseonmymouth]

As you've asked for asks!:

Do you have any quick-and-dirty book/fic binding methods a terrified-of-failure novice could use to bang something out to get over the first collywobbling step of Actually Doing The Thing? (this may be something I've been meaning to ask for ages)

yes! I absolutely do! in my opinion the best quick-and-dirty bookbinding method is a no-glue pamphlet: you don't have to mess with glue or measuring or cutting anything, all you need is your text, some paper, a needle and thread. you can use the same needle to punch holes if you don't have an awl.

this is going to be a little long but that's because I'm going to write out some fairly detailed instructions for an A5 sized pamphlet. If you don't want detailed instructions and think you can glean the necessary info from photos, just skip to the photos! I've also linked tutorials.

for preparing the text to printing, in whatever software you use (word, libreoffice, gdocs, whatever) make sure your document is set to page size A5. make it look readable. then save as/export that document as a straight-paged PDF. now go to the bookbinder JS tool (https://momijizukamori.github.io/bookbinder-js/), and upload the PDF. source manipulation: none printer paper size: A4 display unit (you can ignore, or choose cm if it gives you anxiety that it automatically displays points) printer type: select single-sided or duplex accordingly* rotate paper: ignore flip on long side: check if you are printing duplex and if your duplex printer flips the paper on the long side page layout:  tick folio page scaling: original page positioning: centered ignore the rest flyfleaf: ignore signature format tick: standard signatures. in the length drop down, this depends on the type of pamphlet you are doing. for folio i generally find 4-5 pages per signature a comfortable thickness. if you have 6 whole A4 pages you can still do that as a single signature or you can split it into two signatures 3 pages each. wacky small layouts: ignore this signature info click the generate preview button to see what your PDF looks like imposed! I love this step especially when I'm doing quarto (A6) or octavo (A7) sized books generate output - click this to generate an imposed PDF

for A6 and A7 sized books the instructions are much the same, except for these you make sure the page size is A6 or A7 in your software, and then you choose quarto or octavo instead of folio. for signature length drop down I keep signature length to 1 for octavos typically and 2 for quartos, as this still refers to sheets of paper, and for octavo 1 sheet of A4 paper will turn into 4 smaller sheets in one signature once folded and cut.

*if you don't have a duplex printer you will have to manually turn the paper to print on the other side. I cannot be arsed with this so I bought a printer capable of duplex printing (I didn't have a printer anyway). if you already have a printer check what it can do as you might be surprised and go from there.

now to the pamphlets! you don't need a cover - I have one for the long stitch pamphlet but for the saddle stitch one I didn't bother and just made sure the first page had a title on it. you can always take a different piece of paper and print a cover on or or just use coloured cardstock and create a simple cover, but a cover is not necessary unless you're doing a long stitch pamphlet. all you need to do is to punch holes and start sewing. there are a few different stitch types below, I wouldn't say any of them are more difficult or easier than others, but they do look different so...pick one you like the look of and go from there?

pamphlet stitch (uneven number of holes) I haven't ever done a pamphlet stitch but here's a tutorial for how to do it: https://www.starpointestudio.com/simple-pamphlet-stitch-book-step-by-step/

saddle stitch (uneven number of holes) I realised that what I was thinking of as a pamphlet stitch is actually saddle stitch, as in this A7 pamphlet:

here's a tutorial for how to sew saddle stitch: https://www.bookbindingworkshopsg.com/saddle-stitch-bookbinding-tutorial/ here's a video tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWHkY5jOoqM (sealemon has a lot of bookbinding tutorials and I know many people who like her videos, I used her tutorial for coptic binding way back when I first made a book but I can't otherwise vouch for the quality as I haven't used her videos)

french link stitch (even number of holes) in this one I used french link stitch which I typically use for thicker textblocks that i'm not planning to use tapes with as the french link gives it some robustness, I used it here because I had never done it before and wanted to try it out. I am planning to take these stitches out and re-sew this pamphlet with a cover now that I've found a suitable piece of transformer fanart to use as a cover:

french link tutorial. it's quite long but it has a colour coded bit towards the end that shows how the thread is supposed to link which i find very helpful to visualise: https://www.handmadebooksandjournals.com/bindings/french-link-stitch-binding/

here's a video tutoral from DAS bookbinding (he is my go to for techniques and he has the most soothing Australian accent as well, though fair warning not all of his videos are for beginners): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4ZPdbaM-Ws

long stitch (even number of holes) for this one I used long stitch and I had a cover. this one is my favourite variation because I can make these pretty and simple covers and the stitch looks nice on the outside as well, so this one scratches the 'i want to make a book' itch for me.

here's a tutorial that also includes a how to on a cover that is different from my cover: https://lccprintmaking.myblog.arts.ac.uk/files/2020/06/Long-Stitch-Tutorial-A4.pdf DAS also has a video tutorial for long stitch but it's like three videos long, maybe watch it later :'D  here's one I haven't watched but seems decent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnignTL_wDQ

you can use saddle stitch for this kind of pamphlet as well, that's what I did for dozens of ships and hundreds of souls (https://ashmouthbooks.tumblr.com/post/681587080267202560).

I hope this helped!!

[neoplatinum]

i promise to love you forevermore - part 2 | minatozaki sana

summary: the minatozaki group is far bigger than you expected

pairing: heiress!sana x reader

themes: arranged marriage au, fluff, angst, tension, lots of elitism, conglomerate power-hungry side characters, implied sex, misamo!

wc: 3.2k

(series masterlist)

"the minatozaki's request your presence at the 2024 annual ball." you say to yourself as your fingers run through the beautifully golden lettering imprinted on thick cardstock. lined with the minatozaki family crest pressed at the bottom. you turn the invite in your hand, it's been so long since you've attended the annual ball. but now, as a minatozaki, your presence is expected.

ever since you married sana, your life has gotten busier, often attending the conglomerate events as a figurehead for the family. leading the discussions on expansions of the family's power. sana often wants to ditch the events altogether, claimed they were too stuffy and business-y.

"baby, come here." sana complains, she often gets like this. soft with want, attention seeking and wishing for your comfort even if you're in the same room together.

"sana sweetheart, look at this." you walk towards her across the wooden floor, invitation still in hand. you pass it to her, and her eyes groan at the sight.

"is it already time?" she checks the event date.

"i thought you enjoyed the annual ball." you comment.

"i liked them when i was five and playing princess, now i feel like a zoo animal at the events." she says and leans onto your body. using it to hold up her bodyweight.

"i see, but we must go."

"yes. mother will have my head if i miss one."

"hey, at least i'll be there with you this year." you offer, pushing her down to massage her shoulders. "how does that feel?"

"mm, good, thank you darling." sana rewards you with a quick kiss. and then you hear the sound of your son wailing, in his bassinet. you walk up to him, picking him up and bouncing him in your arms.

"is he hungry?"

"no," you check his diaper, "stinky." you take the baby to the changing station. expertly changing his diapers and putting some baby powder, and then shoving him in sana's face.

he babbles and tries reaching out to sana, small grabby hands trying to pull at sana's face.

"aww baby, you are too cute!" sana snuggles into haruto, she claims that babies have a special 'baby' scent, one that makes them so adorable.

"oh also, you'll meet my cousins. the branch families." you're confused what she means.

"branch families?"

"yeah the minatozaki is the main family, but we also have branch families." she caresses haruto, giving him forehead kisses and he continues to babble. you would do anything for them.

you grab sana's face, cradling her jaw as you pull her into a sweet kiss. her eyes are a little unfocused after, you rocked her world.

"what was that for?"

"for being perfectly you." you reply, slipping on your shoes.

--

being escorted by bodygaurds feels a little more reasonable, as you have haruto in your arms. him playing with the collar of your shirt, tugging on it as he hugs you. sana walking by your side and being followed by a team of people that would lay down their life for you.

"sana." you start, "you ready?"

she nods, but you can feel the hesitation from a mile away, you squeeze her hand for support. and walk through the giant wooden doors. the chatter of the ball quiets with the entrance of the new minatozaki head family, and the first heir, haruto minatozaki.

you're dressed in a traditional kimono, hair gelled and pressed so stiffly. sana is in her traditional kimono as well, hair done up with beautifully golden spear keeping it together. you think she looks like a goddess like this.

the minatozaki family crest displayed in stitching on the back of both your kimonos, and little haruto's as well. the crowd claps at the sight of you three, and sana bows deeply. you do the same as well. then the crowd goes back to their discussions.

in the corner you see two women, they blend into the background, but their eyes are trained on you like hawks. you wouldn't have spotted them if it weren't for sana.

"these are my cousins: momo and mina." and you look at the two woman, they don't give you a smile even though you have your hand extended and head bowed deep.

"nice to meet you." its short and curt, like a military leader. momo shakes your hand, and you try not to wince at the hand strength. you try your best to shake it back.

mina is more gentle with her hand shaking, but her eyes don't convey that, eyes of a predator watching their prey.

then they spot small haruto's arms stretched out towards them. and their eyes light up, momo picking up your son to bounce him around.

the two women leave to mingle with other guests, showing off your son. and you grab your hand, massaging it from being crushed by momo's hand.

"momo is, very strong." you say to sana, and she laughs.

"momo and mina trained to be soldiers for the family. so that's probably why, but also i'm the youngest and the only heir. so they're protective." it makes sense, the main family didn't have sana until later. so sana's the cherished sole her of the minatozaki main family.

she loops her arms around yours and drags you away. "don't worry about haruto, he's in good hands." she whispers to you as you search for him through the crowds.

"hello mother." sana bows at the sight of her mother, you bow too.

"glad to see you both, i think i saw haruto with momo earlier." she comments, and you see a genuine smile as she makes a beeline for her grandchild.

"i'm starting to think she loves haruto more than me." sana pouts at the idea, you just laugh and reassure her that all parents are like that. sana gets whisked away by a nosy aunt, and even though she whispers "help me!" over her shoulder, you just laugh and let her get dragged away.

suddenly you feel a chill up your spine, and you turn around to see mr. seki walk up to you.

"great to see you!" that devilish smile never fails to make you shudder

"likewise, mr. seki, how are you enjoying the ball?" you ask politely. ever since he found out you were to be married to a minatozaki: he's gotten more and more persistent with his requests for a major bonus.

"it's lovely, the minatozaki's always know how to host an event." he starts, a deep bellow of a laugh, commenting on the grandeur of the hall. you nod along in agreement, but mostly to move this conversation along.

"i wanted to speak to you about something." his demeanor completely changes, he stands stiffly, nearly towering over you.

"in private?"

"yes, in private." with a signal his security starts moving with him, and you follow behind, being taken away from the main hall.

--

"please have a seat." mr. seki points to the couch. you sit down, ready to hear him lecture about seniority and the importance of shareholders.

but then he drops the biggest bomb on you.

"did i ever congratulate you on your marriage?" he starts.

"oh no need for all that, i'm sure it's very much implied." you offer.

"my apologies, let me present to you a wedding gift. see here," and on the table are photos of sana seen outside drunk and making out with various women and men. even with the dark and grainy zooms you recognize your wife. "is your wife, cheating behind your back. were you aware of this?"

"mr. seki, these are huge accusations against my wife." you lean in, eyes boring into his. he smiles at the sight, your interest is peaked.

"of course, we would never want groundless accusations." he then takes out another set of photos, much clearer and front and center is a photo of sana, undeniably her. even with her hair tossed back and her neck exposed. "so tell me, do you recognize your wife in the photo?"

he sits back as he tosses another drink. you stare at him, eyes wide and anger boiling all over. you feel yourself buzzing like a dog ready to bite.

"well?"

"mr. seki, i suggest that you keep my wife out of your mouth if you'd like to keep your tongue." you stand up, and his security team rises out of their seat, hands on their guns.

"oh i will, if she keeps her tongue out of other people's tongues. you know the minatozaki would never let this be a headline. they'd probably kill me for leaking this actually. but as a concerned uncle, i thought you should know. " his eyes dancing playfully, like he's got you in your clutches.

"mr. seki, watch your tone."

"or what?" his security force steps up.

"would you really like to find out?" you toss a knife right by his ear, nearly clipping it. the men are ready to launch at you, but he puts his fist up, stopping them. he sits up straight, getting up and buckling his blazer.

"i'll have you know something, you could kill me ten times over, but it'll never erase the fact that she's cheating on you." he smirks, patting you on your shoulder, he leaves the room.

leaving you with a table full of photos of sana, you stare at it, tucking it away into your pocket.

--

the thought sits in your head for weeks, days spent in a daze at the sight of sana. she's still as bubbly as ever, but you can't help but let the green monster grow ten-fold in your chest.

every morning at lunch you stare at her, every night at dinner you stare at her. whenever she's at her vanity you stare at her.

what else is she hiding?

so against your better judgement, you hire a private investigator. one that'll tail sana for information. track all her patterns and behaviors, who she's seeing, when she's seeing them, for how long and most importantly why she's seeing them.

you have her tailed for weeks, until it comes back to bite you in the ass.

you're busy bouncing haruto on your lap, letting him play with his toy as he babbles. he reaches out and takes your pen out of your breast pocket. chewing on it, biting into the steel body.

"haruto no! that's my pen, don't bite on that." you take the metal pen out of his mouth, and when he looks like he wants to cry, you shove his toy back in his face. and like that he's distracted again.

"emi, please take haruto." sana's voice is sudden, you didn't even hear her walk in.

emi walks in quickly, grabbing haruto out of your hold and walking out, closing the door behind her.

sana walks up to the desk, arms crossed, jaw tensed and eyes glowering at you. "do you have something to tell me?"

"sana? no i don't."

"let me ask you that one more time: do you have something to tell me?" she leans forward against the desk, face inches apart.

"sana, what's going on?"

"that's what i want to know." she walks around the desk, right next to you. "i was out with momo and mina earlier, and momo found someone tailing us. they both nearly beat him to death, and he coughed up your name, you mind telling me why he's tailing us?"

"sana, please."

"please what?" she cocks an eyebrow, "i don't appreciate being followed."

"i...i got a tip that you were...seeing other people." you explain, "i needed to know for myself."

"so instead of asking me, you hire someone to tail me, all to see if im cheating?" she's quick on her feet, just like her mother. "i swear i will rain hellfire on you if you don't answer me right now!"

"yes, i did. i had to know."

she paces back and forth, finger in between her teeth.

"why do you care?" sana questions you.

"i do. of course i do." you respond. its honest, although you aren't explaining the reason in full.

her eyes are ablaze, challenging you. "why?"

you get up, needing to make a little distance from sana. she's just so intimidating when she's mad. just like her mother.

"i wanted to know because he wanted to leak it to the press." and that's not a lie, but it's also not the main reason right now.

"are you serious?" she throws the pile of photos onto the floor, the ones you handed to the private investigator. they're stained with blood, probably his if you had to guess.

"yes."

"well you don't have to worry. the minatozaki group owns all the media outlets." she sigh, frustrated at you. "i'm not cheating."

she walks right out of your study, making a beeline to the grand staircase. you chase right after her on her tail. with her dodging all your questions. she enters the bedroom and throws two big luggages on the bed.

"where are you going?"

"packing my bags, or should i tell that to your PI too." she bites out, her voice venomous and her movements rushed. she's tossing all her clothes in the suitcase, not bothering to fold them.

"no need, i'm sorry sana. for sending a PI after you." you try and calm her down, standing in front of her suitcase.

"is that all?" she stops with a dress in one hand.

"and for accusing you of cheating." you continue. she side steps you, continuing to shove clothes into her suitcase. and you stand there, unsure of what to do. sana's never left so suddenly.

"sana please don't leave, we can talk this out!" you urge her, as the butlers descend down the stairs with her luggages in hand.

"what is there to talk about, you don't trust me enough so you had to send someone to monitor me." she pushes a finger into your chest.

sana leaves for weeks. you feel yourself get antsy when she doesn't reply to your calls or messages, unless they're related to haruto. so under that guise you offer to drop off some toys for haruto, but mostly to corner sana so she'll hear you out.

--

with the infrequent visits to the main minatozaki estate, you still always feel lost inside. the large main estate is surrounded by minor estates. tall cement walls lining the the acres of land away from the prying eyes of the public. you sit in a minatozaki black sedan, flowers in hand and a bag of haruto's toys in the other.

being reclined in polished leather seat, the car begins rolling forward into a side road, disguised behind rows of moving trees and a thick wall that sinks into the ground.

you being to really notice the size of the minatozaki power. outside are men and women all dressed in all black, ear pieces and sunglasses. all with that signature bowl cut hair, you gulp at the sight. they all eye your car as you roll into the outdoor garage.

you're pat down, taking out all your items from your jacket. they even begin inspecting the toys and flowers in your hand. you sigh as you watch them whisper to each other in coded language. and then a wooden door open, disguised as a panel of the wall, and out steps momo and mina.

both of them eyeing you with the same look they gave you at the ball.

"sana's waiting." momo begins to walk, meanwhile mina waits for you, impatiently. you pick up the pace walking through the tunnel, large stone slabs under your feet, and glass displaying the lush green open gardens in the minatozaki estate.

they don't utter another word, rhythmic measured steps as they fall into the same tempo with each other. measured steps even if they are different heights. you try and match their step, nearly tripping, but you catch yourself.

then you see her, far away, in a deep brown wooden gazebo, intricate japanese carpentry displaying the minatozaki crests on the panels, you quicken your step to get to her, but momo places a hand to stop you.

"you may not know much about us," momo nods to mina and she nods too, "but we know everything about you. one wrong move and it'll be like you never existed. don't underestimate the minatozaki power."

then the two women disappear, falling in line with the other security groups that are circulating the estate. you fix your tie, a little intimidated by the watching eyes, every direction you look there's someone staring you down.

you walk up the wooden steps into the gazebo, sana looking away and a tea cup in hand.

"hello, sana."

"haruto's toys?" her hand is extended.

"they're here, in this bag." you hand her the bag, and she looks into it, nodding to you before dismissing you.

"wait sana, please, could you let me explain myself?" you sit down next to her, her eyes faraway.

"you explained yourself pretty clear last time." she says, taking a sip of her tea, setting the cup onto a tray.

"i don't think i did, please let me explain myself." she doesn't say anything. eyes trained on that lone duck in the pond.

"i, for a very very stupid reason, wanted to tail you. because it's harder to open the can of worms of who we are to each other. we married out of convenience, but to me, you are my wife, my only love. i needed to know if you see me the same way. or am i still someone you married for convenience?"

sana stares at you, more specifically the flowers you brought, her favorite. and the wedding band you still keep on your finger.

"then let me make this very clear. you are mine. and i am yours. there is no one else in the picture." she stands up, handing you a usb stick, "i found out your anonymous tip, mr. shugo seki of seki industries, 62, married with two children and five grandchildren. four mistresses and six children out of wedlock. $12 million in gambling debt. he's been taken care of."

she takes the flowers from your hand, sniffing them and smiling at it, before returning back to her authoritative demeanor.

"and i'll explain myself once, those photos you were presented were in the very early stages of our marriage, long before haruto. i haven't been with anyone but you for a very long time. now tell me, is that clear enough?"

"no, i think you made it very clear." you flip the usb stick in your hand, "what is in this?"

"the original raw files of the photos. if you want the dates for proof, it's all in there." she says, letting you continue to flip it around in between your fingers.

you toss it into the pond.

"don't need the proof?"

"no, why should i?" you smile at her.

"let me also make it clear, if i catch you, with anyone, i will behead you myself; do not forget it's until death do us part." she tugs you close, whispering it into your ear and you shudder. grabbing your tie, and smashing her lips against yours. pulling away with a smirk.

you don't doubt for a second she will. "understood."

"good, haruto will be up in an hour," she grabs your hand, and tugs you along the wooden bridge to the main house. "you better make it up to me before then, okay?"

you blush at that but nod, "yes, mrs. minatozaki."

--

a/n: if sana talked to me like that 😍😍😍😍 misamo in the house and we all cheered! the idea for branch families is inspired by naruto LOL (which i actually believe is true to historical japanese family systems). and a thank you to @footzanginamaurin @blaymine @d3viant0n3 @moonpheus @im--yoong and also the anon who requested for a part 2!! stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[alchemistc]

won't make my mama proud

read on ao3

Buck's just gonna say it. He's not gonna be cagey about it. He's not gonna make it weird. Everyone important doesn't need an announcement, they'll - they'll see him, and they'll understand, and Buck will get to enjoy himself.

His parents are the wildcard.

"E- Buck," his mom starts, brow furrowed as she looks at the seating chart. She's getting better at catching herself, and it's small fries but it's not nothing. "Why did George get moved to table seven?"

He'd been a little giddy, sitting at Maddie's kitchen table with the seating chart out, the tips of his ears bright red and the smile refusing to leave his face, basking in the little hip-shake arm-wave dance Maddie'd done when he asked if she could fit a plus one in.

Buck honestly couldn't remember who they'd moved to make it work, but it'd made the most sense - Tommy knew Bobby and Athena, he knew Karen and Eddie and Marisol, he wouldn't have to sit with a table of strangers who didn't even know a "George" anyway.

His mom's eyes flit to the extended family table, where Tommy has been tucked in between Eddie and Denny. He'd made the place card himself, intent to match the script from the printers, tongue sticking out as he swooped the 'Y' out in gold Sharpie on a piece of leftover cardstock cut to match.

"Uh - I'm bringing a date, after all," Buck says, and he watches his mom slide through names, a mental list of people she vaguely knows of. The Marisol thing had been a point of contention - extended family meant family to Margaret and Phillip Buckley, and they'd already made an exception to let Chim include Eddie and his son at that particular table. They'd acted like the relationship to the bride and the groom was going to be hovering over the top of each table. So. She knows the name Marisol. She knows Athena and Bobby. Knows Karen.

The list of potential dates is growing smaller by the minute and clearly it's not computing.

He's just gonna rip the bandaid off. "His name is Tommy. My date."

Once upon a time, he'd have taken an opportunity like this to make sure he was the center of fucking attention for as long as he possibly could be. Maybe drive home the point that his parents didn't know him as well as they claimed they did. Definitely press their buttons, see if he could invite a reaction out of them.

Now he waves off his mother's confused silence. "I already ran it by Maddie and Chim, they know him." Sort of. It's too complicated to explain to his parents, right now. Maybe if the dancing goes well, at the reception. Maybe once he's snuck about fifty more kisses in.

"Buck, you can't bring a friend as a plus one to your sister's wedding."

He doesn't see why not, really, but that's - very much not the point. Oh. Oh yeah, that's a little painful. He gets why Tommy'd slammed the brakes, now, when he'd stuck his foot in it.

"Good thing he's my date, then, mom."

Even after all this time, he always feels like he's one bad interaction away from laying into his parents, but he tempers it. This isn't really about him, or them. This is about Maddie's wedding, which is two days away and doesn't need the distraction of the brides family having it out. Again.

"What do you mean?" she asks, and - her defensive voice always sounds like she's expecting a direct attack, teeth at her jugular and she's too frail to stop it. He's always hated the way she does that, because it always makes her sound like the victim of a heinous crime when half the time she's just trying to deny something she's been accused of.

Buck takes a deep breath through his nose. "Tommy. He's my date to the wedding. Once we've all eaten and toasted at the reception he'll be the one I'm getting drinks for, he'll be the one I'm introducing to Maddie's work friends, he'll be the one I'm dancing with." He'll be the one I'm going home with, Buck doesn't say, even if he really fucking wants to. He'd gotten a dick pic for the first time last night that had rocked his entire fucking world and he's very ready to explore the realities of finally understanding he's attracted to the male form in a sexual way.

She goes through what seems like all the stages of grief at once. Not unexpected, but still kinda shitty to witness. But she's - they're both better. His parents are trying. He'll give them that. She shores up a PTA mom smile.

"Oh. I didn't know you... Well I just didn't know."

"It's new," he says, because now doesn't feel like the time to tell her he's been analyzing old friendships for weeks now, that his penchant for trying to create deep bonds with men he admires has taken on a new meaning to him. He doesn't want to get into the conversation he'd had with Tommy two nights ago, Tommy laughing but understanding as Buck regaled him with the tale of how he'd followed the varsity kicker around like a lost puppy for most of his junior year and he'd only just figured out why. "Tommy used to work at the 118, though, so he's not exactly a stranger."

He doesn't really feel like giving her more than that. It's new to him, too, it's new and fragile and it's settling warm in his gut, this feeling like he finally knows the way to make a proper chili is to add some unsweetened cocoa powder. The recipe works without it but it was never quite right, until the secret ingredient got thrown in.

"You'll have to introduce us," his mom says, and Buck thinks about it - about the way Tommy will internalize the confused looks his parents try to hide, and the way Buck will want to curl tighter around him because of it, the way he'll want to shrink under the force of his parents never quite getting him and how he knows, he knows Tommy won't let him shrink.

"Yeah," he says, and his mind goes back to thinking of Tommy in a suit.

Tommy with a button undone that turns into three by the third song, Tommy fiddling with cufflinks, Tommy with suspenders, Tommy's ass in a pair of crisp tapered trousers. Buck wonders if he's an ankle sock with dress shoes guy.

His mom turns back to her trove of little gift bags, plastic crinkling as she ties another finished one off. He's - it feels a bit like he's waiting for a shoe to drop, sitting there next to her as her hands continue to pull jute twine from its roll in even six inch lengths, cutting them, twisting bags and tying them off.

Their hands meet the next time he slides a pile of filled bags over to her -- a bubble jar, three Jordan almonds, four Kisses, a quarter inch of crinkle paper on the bottom. Buck goes to move his hand back and her soft, wrinkled hand reaches out to pat his knuckles before she returns to her twine.

-----

He picks up Tommy's call when he's halfway home. "Hey," he says, and he knows Tommy can hear the smile in his voice. He can't bring himself to care.

"Hey. Did you already eat at your sisters?"

"No, my parents took Jee out to dinner so Maddie and Chim could have the night before Maddie imposes her weird twenty-four hour no contact rule."

"You Buckley's," Tommy says, and there's something fond in his voice that makes Buck's heart squeeze, just a bit. "I know I'll see you tomorrow night, but I thought, if you're not busy --."

"I'm not busy," Buck interrupts, and Tommy's little chuff of a laugh echoes back at him.

"Maybe I'm about to ask you to detail my truck for me."

Buck's still trying to find the right way to word his thoughts about armor-all and gear shafts when Tommy cuts across them.

"Low hanging fruit, Evan," he warns, even though he can't have possibly known what Buck was thinking.

"I was thinking about the twig, not the berries," Buck shoots back, and Tommy groans.

"You have sufficient evidence not to call it a twig."

"Which is why I was trying to compare it to the gear shift, before you derailed that train of thought."

"Do you wanna come over for dinner or not, Evan Buckley?"

Buck taps his thumbs on the steering wheel, does a little jig in his seat, tries not to smile so wide that he scares the driver next to him as he coasts to a stop at a red light.

"Are the berries on the menu?"

"The stick shift too, if you're lucky."

"This metaphor is getting a little murky."

"If you wanted to stop for shitty burgers I wouldn't mind," Tommy admits, voice softening, and Buck is already trying to plot out the best route to In-N-Out from here to Tommy's. "If you think of a way to make an Animal Style innuendo you are not getting into my pants tonight."

"I'll stick with the hot meat puns, then."

Tommy laughs, bright and loud, goofy like he can't quite control it, and Buck settles into his seat, flipping his blinker to get into the turn lane so he can double back a few blocks.

"You far enough away I can hop in the shower without telling you where I keep my hide-a-key?"

"Yeah, but maybe you should tell me anyway."

Tommy hums, and something settles under Buck's skin when Tommy gives him a frankly ridiculous set of instructions that no first responder is ever gonna follow in an emergency when they could just kick the door in, dispatch instructions be damned.

It's far too early in this, but Buck's pretty sure he's deep enough in this that it wouldn't weird him out if Tommy told him to keep the spare. He doesn't, and Buck doesn't mind, but it's there, in the back of his mind, that feeling like they're both in this for the long haul.

"Hey, I told my mom you're coming as my plus one," Buck says into the comfortable silence that drifts over the line. Tommy knows the bare minimum about his family, really, but he knows that's significant all the same.

"How did that...go?" And Buck keeps forgetting that Tommy wasn't always confidently out, that he's experienced the coming out conversation with a lot worse results than Buck's experienced, so far.

"She was mostly weirded out that you made George move to table seven," Buck jokes, because he's not sure he's fully unpacked how he feels about it yet, and Tommy - Tommy gets that.

"If I'm stepping on toes, I don't mind sitting with all the weird singles and estranged aunts, Evan," Tommy assures, for the twentieth time.

"You're sitting with the people I want you to be sitting with," Buck reminds him, and hopes he understands the part of that that Buck doesn't know how to say out loud yet.

"Noted," he says, that same tone as when he met Buck for coffee, a few weeks ago now, the weight of understanding the things between the lines.

"Go shower," Buck tells him, and tries not to let his imagination run too wild at the thought. "I'll see you in a bit."

Tommy doesn't immediately respond, and Buck can imagine him on the other side of the call, debating whether or not to make the dumb joke about detailing his gear stick himself. He clearly has better impulse control than Buck. "See you soon," he says after a beat, and hangs up before Buck can draw him back in.

[cyclesprefectpress]

[image description: photos of The Disco Elysium Tarot, printed letterpress in an edition of one from handset lead type and linoleum blocks. It is a complete 78-card tarot deck printed primarily with white text and illustrations on medium grey cardstock, in a custom dark grey hardcase box with a hand-marbled orange and yellow endsheet. The backs of the deck are decorated with an illustration of a sprig of may bells, and a quote from Smallest Church in Saint-Saëns: "None of this matters at all." The interpretive meaning of each card is expressed on its face with a small excerpt of the game's text. The Minor Arcana are divided into four suits of Harry's Attributes—Motorics, Psyche, Physique, Intellect—and each card in that suit is a quote from a skill under that Attribute. The Major Arcana are assigned quotes from other sources like NPC dialogue or Thought Cabinet problems & solutions. Pips for the Minors are counted with diamonds like the game's skill points; each actor or title is printed with their in-game color, but made shiny & metallic with bronzing powder.

each piece of text was set in handset lead type, assembled from individual pieces for each letter and space, and printed relief on a chandler & price clamshell press. end description.]

🎊🎊 Desert Bus for Hope starts for 2023 on nov. 11th and i have made an item this year for the craftalong that will be up for giveaway between 6am-12pm on Monday the 13th! 🎊🎊 It is a full tarot deck based on Disco Elysium and it has several pieces of my heart & soul in it but NOT my blood because i put a bandaid right on that :) donations for this and any other auctions & giveaways for Desert Bus go to Child's Play Charity.

notes: i did not make a whole new interpretive model for this deck, apologies, that was outside of my scope. it's generally compatible with a Rider-Waite model, with Motorics for Wands, Psyche for Cups, Physique for Swords, and Intellect for Disks. (full distribution of text listed by card, linked below. any spelling or transcription errors you find there, i promise i fixed them in print—that's copied from my digital mockup which was copied hastily from screenshots.)

i also do not track hours on these kinds of projects because that way lies madness, but i will say: i knew how much time it would take to print it. it was a lot but i was not worried about it, i know how to print. i was very worried about how much time it would take to absorb the sheer amount of text, and distribute it across the cards, and really get an array i believe in. i was right to worry, and i have absolutely had a few anxious nightmares about discovering the Perfect excerpt that should've gone in and i missed it, and the suit of Intellect made me want to lay on the floor a few times, but still! i believe there's many versions of a deck you could make from this game and this one is a good one.

i think the Minors fit really well with the double-edged sword of Harry's skills, their advice, their priorities. the circular way the Fool-World assignment works out makes me smile every time. The colors on The Star came out so nice. i think Justice fulfills some of my favorite things about Kim's character & purpose in the story. i worried sometimes that editing to such short clips would lose too much of the politics of the game, but of course you can't really take them out and they're especially present in the Majors—the Devil and the Hierophant, The Star and The Sun. i've wanted to design a tarot deck for years and i love this game deeply and i let this idea percolate for a few months and it never stopped making me laugh so here it is, & given a beautiful purpose :)

i also literally could not have done this without xyrilin's Disco Reader and the FAYDE On-Air Playback Experiment to navigate the dialogue and skill checks. Really couldn’t have tied the whole concept & colophon in its final bow without the Disco Reader :)) thank thank thank, they're so fun to investigate that it was honestly very difficult to focus on my task instead of veering off and exploring every branch in an extremely disorganized way.

actual printing went well honestly, very few problems! i think that means i'm getting pretty good at planning one of these monstrosities, although perhaps it also means i'm not challenging myself enough. hmm. no that's silly there's 78 ding dang cards in this thing. anyway the drop & replace formes worked well, no registration issues. mum convinced me to overprint another half a deck's worth of cards when I was printing backs & borders and of course she was right :/ there were a handful of cards that actually had better line breaks and fewer lines total in true type than in the digital mockup, so i needed all the spares I had to put those new short quotes into the appropriate border breakage. next time i will not question her.

handset in Garamond, Eden Bold, and secret Neuland.

WIP : full text card assignments

bonus photo of the kind of trash notes i always take to plan things like how many borders were printed with space for short excerpts vs long excerpts, and how many of those are majors vs. minors, because they have a slightly different frame at the bottom edge, etc.

[image description: they are truly garbage notes, i tell you. half of it is written at angles to the other half, many numbers in the math problems are not labeled, mistakes are scribbled over. it gets me there but it doesn't look pretty. end description.]

[lostbookmark]

MDNI 🔞

MAIN MASTERLIST here

WHISPERED VOWS MASTELIST here

Summary: You thought planning your wedding was going to be a magical memory. You didn't realize that it might make you second guess everything.

Pairing: Fiancée Yoongi x Insecure F. Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst, Smut, Hurt-ComfortWarnings: Explicit Sex, Toxic Family Dynamics, Arguments, Sex Toys, Self Doubt, Over Thinking, Yoongi Overworking Himself, Reader Needs To Speak Up.

A/N: I started chapter 8, and my goodness did it get dramatic.

“They both look the same to me,” Yoongi says as he examines the invitations that he is holding in his hands.

He rests his elbows on his knees as he sits on his leather couch. His dark eyes dart between the two wedding invitations in his hands, pondering over which one he likes best. You sit across from him patiently waiting for him to make his decision. You think that he looks cute looking at them with such sharp attention.

“No, no, one is black with white writing and the other is white with black writing,” you tell him as you watch his eyes continue to go back and forth between the 5x7 pieces of cardstock. “And, supposedly, they are in two different fonts.”

“They are literally the same font,” he tells you as he brings them closer to his face to examine the lettering more carefully.

“I said supposedly,” you defend.

“They look the same,” he repeats once again. “I like the black with white writing,” Yoongi finally decided and handed them both back to you. You place the winner in your bag and throw the other on his table to recycle later. “I like the little bow on it, too. It was a nice touch.”

“Great, now what about a plated dinner for the reception or a buffet style? Plated options would be the normal chicken, steak, or fish,” you ask next. “The winery offers charcuterie boards as appetizers, but we are responsible for the catering.”

Yoongi leans back on his couch and cocks his head to the side in thought as he crosses his arms over his chest. He looks quite relaxed in his contemplation as he rests his ankle over his knee. It makes you happy that he is weighing his options carefully. That he is taking this seriously. Jimin and Hobi were actually the ones to give you the idea to narrow some easy choices down and let Yoongi pick from there. You had easily agreed with them hoping that by doing this it would feel like Yoongi was actually helping you. You also knew that he probably felt guilty for not helping as much as he should and that made you feel guilty in return for him feeling guilty. So, in the end you hoped it would ease his worries, your stress and all the damn guilt.

“Buffet, more options that way,” he says with a satisfied nod. “We could have a noodle bar, and maybe we can have your oh so precious rolls catered.”

“That is the best idea ever. Jisoo offered to call around to places and get some prices once we decided,” You tell him as you take out your phone to text her. “We have to get our guest list done sooner than later. The invitations will take about two weeks to get here once I put in the order. I only have like seven people to invite, and two are in the wedding, so the guest list is mainly up to you.”

“Come here, baby,” Yoongi says, patting the couch cushion next to him. “Let's relax for a minute.”

You get up from his chair, place your phone on his table, and make your way to sit next to him. Yoongi slings his arm around you as he reclines back against the cushions, taking you with him. You turn into his body and lay your cheek on his chest, taking in the sound of his thumping heartbeat. Your finger absentmindedly traces the smooth black vinyl letters on his white shirt as you close your eyes in relaxation.

“We need to hire a photographer as well,” you comment.

“Baby, relax,” Yoongi commands you softly.

Moments like this are a few and far between for the two of you. Usually, when you're here, it's to drop off food during your lunch break or to clean up for him quickly before you head home for another night alone in a cold bed. His studio has pretty much become his main place of living. Although you would rather be in your shared apartment, you don't want to take this moment for granted. He's here. You're here. The both of you together and enjoying an actual moment together. It doesn't matter how small of a moment it is. You are going to cherish it.

“Where do you think you would be if we never met again?” He asks quietly as his thumb draws small circles on the back of your shoulder.

“What?” You ask with a light laugh. You look up at him, resting your chin on his chest, but his eyes are closed. “What are you talking about? Where did that question even come from?”

“Let's say, I left earlier that night from the restaurant and didn't see you. What if I just didn't recognize you? What if I wasn't hungry that night and didn't go with Hobi and Jimin? What would you be doing right now?” he asked again. His eyes still remained closed as his thumb still continued with the lazy circles.

“Umm,” you had to think for a minute. “I guess I would probably still be working at that horrible office just barely scraping by. I wouldn't have had a reason to quit. My family situation probably would have never changed. I would probably be drinking wine with the girls as Lisa tells Jisoo and I about her latest boyfriend. Everything would probably be the same as before. Lonely and monotonous.”

“You don't think you would have been dating anyone?” he asked next, his hand running up and down the expanse of your back and side.

“Well, I mean, Kai was putting his best moves on me,” you say jokingly and smirking up at him. “You know he is a pretty big deal, right? Model, actor, and now singer. Damn, I missed my chance.”

Yoongi growled at you and threw himself on top of your body. You fall onto your side, landing on the unoccupied cushions as his fingers dance along your sides, tickling you underneath your shirt. Laughing, you try to push him off you, but he is way too strong for you.

“Apologize and take it back,” he growls into your neck as his fingers still tickle your side. His teeth lightly sink into the smooth skin of your neck. “Take it back, now.”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yoongi, please,” you laugh out loud as your hands lightly slap him away.

Yoongi finally pulls away and brings you back into your original position. You wrap your arm around his stomach and sling your leg over his. He is so warm, and you just want to soak in it. You want to close your eyes and go to sleep surrounded by that warmth. Surrounded by his scent, which barely lingers on his pillow anymore. You wish you could wrap it all up and take it home with you. Maybe it would make you feel a little less lonely.

“You know that little weasel is around here somewhere,” he informs you as he closes his eyes again, holding you tighter to him. “He's working with Hobi, I think. I kind of skipped the email when I saw his name attached to it.”

“I don't care about him,” you say, snuggling against him more. You slid your hand up his shirt and rested it on his bare chest. You just needed to feel his skin. “I don't know, honestly. I'm sure Lisa would have a string of blind dates lined up for me, and I would make up some sort of excuse to cancel on them. I really don't think that I would be seeing anyone. What about you?”

“What about me?” he asks, finally opening his eyes and looking down at you.

“Okay, let's say you had a girlfriend when we met outside the bar. What would have happened then?” You counter. “I would like to assume that we wouldn't have gone home together that night.”

“That would have never happened,” he said with certainty and a shake of his head. “I didn't date.”

“Like at all?” You raise an eyebrow in question and look at him warily. “Was there no one after my sister?”

“Oh there were women…I…just didn't date them,” he said, smirking. You poke him hard on his side. “Ow, violent.”

“Seriously, I answered your question,” you pout. “Answer my question honestly.”

“Okay, if I had a girlfriend,” he said with a sigh and a tilt of his head. “I wouldn't have cheated, but I wouldn't have stayed with her. I don't think I could have gone through life with you just being a friend. I tried just being your friend before and look what happened there.”

You hear your phone chime. You sigh, you know that it is probably your mom, but hopefully it's Jisoo answering you back. You've been ignoring your mom since your little outburst on the phone the other day. She even got your dad and his girlfriend to text you to figure out what was going on. You explained to them that you were pretty sure she was trying to build her own dream wedding. He told you just to ignore her, and his girlfriend was ready to tell her to shove it where the sun didn't shine.

“Do you want to know something?” you ask quietly, ignoring your phone on the table.

“What?” he asks just as quietly.

“You were only my second,” you admit, and you bite your lip at your admission.

He shifts you a little bit so he can fully look at you. His eyes study your face, resting on his chest with confusion swirling in dark eyes. His eyebrows furrow, and he purses his lips in thought. You don’t know why he is taking so long to answer. His silence is making you nervous. It's making you feel like you should have never said anything. It made you feel like such a loser admitting your inexperience as if he probably couldn't tell the first time you were together.

“What do you mean I'm you second? I'm your second, what?” he asked, still confused.

“You know,” you mumble, your face turning red. “The second guy I ever…” you drift off and cast your eyes away from him.

“Fucked?” he asked with pure surprise on his face. “Really?”

“Yes and don't say it like that,” you say, hiding your face in his chest. “Why do you sound so surprised? I'm awkward, and it was always worse around boys.”

“Baby, you're fucking beautiful,” he tells you.

Your eyes take a peek up at him. His face is serious. He gently moves the hair out of your face that had fallen obstructing his view of you. His eyes are soft as they look at you, and you want to hide away from them.

“You're biased,” you whisper, and he shakes his head no. “Yes, you are.”

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you again. You look up at him again, and he seems lost in thought. His eyebrows are furrowed as if he is thinking hard.

“Was it that kid?” he asked, suddenly sitting up and his eyes widened in realization.

“Who?” you asked in confusion, sitting up right next to him.

“That Woo….whatever his name was,” he asked. “That little shit who you got drunk with at that dance.”

“Wooseok?” You asked, throwing your head back laughing.

“Don't say his name,’ he said slowly with a deadly glare, making you roll your eyes. “I’ll hunt him down. I swear I will.”

“I told you it didn't go any further than the hickey. I didn't lose my virginity behind an equipment shed with Lisa right next to me,” you assured him, still laughing. “You saw them. He was not in any condition to do anything that night.”

“I always kind of thought you lied to me about that,” he admitted quietly. “I don't want to know who it was. I'm just happy it wasn't him.” He gets quiet and stares at you for a minute before speaking again. “Who was it?”

You laugh and push him back down with your hand to his chest, resuming your previous position. “Do you really want to know?” you asked, and he shook his head no.

“Good because I honestly don't remember his name.” You do honestly try to recall his name…Dave…Devin? You're not even sure it began with a D.

“You know,” he said, breaking you out of your thoughts. “I think that we would have always found each other again.”

“You think?” you ask.

“Jimin and Lisa would have met anyway no matter our timing that night. That means I would have met her as Jimin's girlfriend eventually. Which, in turn, means I would have inquired about you and probably would have asked her for your number. We would have always met. It just would have been a little later.” He explains.

“So, we are kind of destined to be together, huh?” You ask with a small smile on your face.

“Absolutely,” Yoongi kisses the top of your head. His thumb runs back and forth against the skin of your side. “And I wouldn't have it any other way.”

The insistent knocking on your door has you groaning as you get off the couch. Making your way to the door, you open it to see your two best friends carrying a deep red trunk, and it looked like they were struggling with it. Lisa pretty much knocks you out of the way as they enter your apartment, and you have to catch yourself on the wall so you don't fall over. They place the heavy looking trunk down in the middle of the living room and stare at you as they try and catch their breaths.

“Is Yoongi home?” Lisa asked, flinging a piece of her hair out of her face.

“No, why? What is that?” You asked, looking at Jisoo, hoping she will have the answers.

“No idea,” she answers with a shrug. “She wouldn't tell me.”

“Listen, because you and Yoongi are absolutely boring and don't want a bachelor/bachelorette party, I graciously still got you a gift,” Lisa explains and gestures to the decent sized red trunk.

“I'm scared,” you whisper, eyeing the trunk.

“So am I,” Jisoo says, sharing your sentiment.

Lisa smirks and motions for you and Jisoo to help pick the trunk back up. The three of you make your way to the bedroom and together, fling the red trunk on the bed with what little muscles you all had. Thankfully, the physical trunk itself felt heavier than whatever was inside of it.

“Sorry, I didn't think it was this heavy when I ordered it. I should have read the description,” Lisa apologized. “Okay, sweets, open it.”

Your hands undo the two black latches on the front and slowly open the lid. You hear Jisoo gasp and slap something. You are pretty sure that something was Lisa's arm, but you were too much of a shock to really care.

“You got her…toys,” Jisoo hissed. “That is soooo inappropriate. Some things should just stay private.”

“It's just sex toys, and it's for the both of them,” Lisa claps her hands together happily like she did you a favor. “I don't know why you seem so shocked, Jisoo. I've seen what's in your closet. You and Seungkwan get freaky. Good for you! I didn't know that you had it in you.”

Jisoo's eyes widen, and she turns the deepest shade of red that you have ever seen. Without a word, you watch as she practically runs out of your bedroom and down the hall. The slamming of your front door tells you she left. You wonder what the hell she has in her closet, but honestly, you don't want to think of Seungkwan that way.

“Umm, I don't know….thanks….I guess,” you say, turning back to Lisa and her...present.

“Oh come on,” Lisa says, putting her hands on her hips. “You and Yoongi are already like an old married couple. I'm just trying to help you keep the spice alive in the bedroom. He is the strong, silent type, and by my personal experience….they are the best, but they sometimes need a little push.”

“We don't have any issues with that,” you mumble and shuffle your socked feet against the carpet. You think you might just be as red as Jisoo was. “Oh really, when was the last time he was actually home? I'm not talking about a quickie,” Lisa asks you seriously. “When was the last time he actually took his time with you? Jimin said that Yoongi has been sleeping at the studio every night.”

“I don't know,” you admit and look at the…things inside the chest.

“Well, then some of these will definitely help you when you miss him, and some will be fun to use with him,” Lisa said. “Look, you have your standard vibrators in different sizes, shapes, and colors, a personal massager,” she says, holding up the objects one at a time. “This….”

“What is that?” You ask, interrupting her. You grab onto a colorful object that is pink and purple and very, very textured. “Is this a… tentacle?” You whisper in shock.

“Sure is!” she exclaims. “It looks like fun and has a lot of five-star reviews. You'll have to let me know how that one goes. I was thinking about getting me and Jimin one but in a different color because that would be weird if we had the same one.”

“It looks scary,” you correct her and drop it back in the trunk.

“Lighten up, sweets,” Lisa said, hugging you from behind. “I'll leave and let you go through everything in private. Also, if you want a sure-fire way to get your man home. Send him a picture with one of these bad boys. He will come running. Oh, by the way, everything is cleaned and charged.”

With a wink, she leaves you the bedroom alone with the goods that she bought you. Even though you are alone now, your face still heats up when you look at them. You reach your hand in and see there are a few…non scary items in there. Blindfolds and other silk fabrics that look very tame and non-threatening . You gulp hard, however, when you find a pair of what you think are black leather handcuffs. Dropping them back in, you shut the lid quickly and avoid the other objects in the box. One day, maybe you'll find the courage to go through them. Maybe…a big, maybe. You will probably need a couple of drinks first.

You sit down on the bed while latching the red box shut. You are not quite sure how you are supposed to react to Lisa's gift. You've never owned anything like that, and at 23, you shouldn't be getting embarrassed about the thought of using them. Since Yoongi came along, your whole world was thrown upside down when it came to the topic of sex. You finally discovered how good being intimate with someone can make you feel. Not just physically but how it made your heart feel so warm. You almost worry if he will be mad and offended when he sees what was gifted to you. Lisa and obviously Jisoo seem to think that it's perfectly normal to have these kinds of things. You still wonder what's in Jisoo's closet.

Sighing, you stand up and drag the heavy trunk off your bed. It lands on your floor with such a heavy thud that you hope your downstairs neighbor isn't home to complain about it. Pulling with both hands, you drag it over to the closet and push it off to the side and into the corner of the wall. Grabbing one of your many extra blankets that you have stashed away, you throw it on top along with a few of Yoongi's hoodies that were on the floor. You hide it away the best you can , you have no plans to tell Yoongi about it. Absolutely not. Plus, he is never home to find it anyway.

Your phone chimes from the living room. Stepping out of the closet, you walk out of the bedroom. You head to the side table by the couch in the living room where you left your phone laying plugged in and charging. Swiping your phone open. You freeze as you look at the message.

One word.

Two letters.

Hi

Your sister.

Tagged Readers:

@mggv97, @granataepfelchen, @kam9404, @svnbangtansworld, @futuristicenemychaos,