#This should be an instant win condition.

[roundpi]

DDS1 final boss: (uses Marevert and Vaikunta)

Gale: (turns to stone) 🗿

Angel (now reverted): orz

Serph: "Did we win?"

[pochaccoups]

cw — minors dni, gamer!wonwoo, fingering

wonu <3: Hi love

wonu <3: I’m gonna stream in a bit

you: does that mean u need me? :3

wonu <3: Yes please :)

Within seconds, the soft patter of your boyfriend’s footsteps down the hall comes to a stop outside your bedroom door. He opens it slowly with a soft smile on his face, slinking over to your shared bed where you lounge with an anime playing on your laptop.

A shiver of thrill runs down your back as the gleam in his dark eyes drinks you in, his pearly teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

While this pre-stream ‘ritual’ of his is technically for his own benefit that is him warming up his fingers to game, you also get an orgasm, sometimes two, out of it, so it’s a win-win for both of you. He’s conditioned you to look forward to stream days, though that’s not to say he doesn’t touch you—he does, as soon as you bat your lashes and ask him so sweetly. Still, he insists that it’s a way of getting you “involved in his career” or whatever. (He’s just trying to be a good, inclusive boyfriend. You can’t complain.)

A giggle comes bubbling out of you as he kneels on the edge of the bed and pulls you into him, holds you gently by the back of your head so he can guide your lips to his and kiss you sweetly, yet with enough fervour for a dull heat to begin pulsing between your legs.

When his tongue finds its way into your mouth, your brain switches off in an instant, your mind attuned to nothing but the way Wonwoo’s hands are so warm on your waist and how your mouth melts into his like you were put on this earth to kiss him.

With you putty in his hands after just a few seconds, he lowers you to the mattress once more. Your legs part instinctively so that he can slot himself in between them and teasingly press one of his thighs up against your clothed cunt.

You mewl when, along with his thigh, Wonwoo brings a hand between your legs and strokes you through your shorts. His touch is soft in a way that’s teasing, in a way that makes you buck your hips and ask for more when he hasn’t even gotten you naked yet.

“Needy girl,” he coos against your lips, pulling away to mouth at your neck whilst his fingers tease at your centre.

“You love it,” you say.

He chuckles, raising his eyebrows in amusement at your smugness. Truth be told, your neediness does in fact fulfil something deep within Wonwoo. Your begging strokes his ego just right, and the sounds you make when he gives into your pleas heal his soul.

“Want me to touch you?” he asks, toying with the band of your shorts as he settles into the spot next to you because he knows you like to curl into his embrace. His question is not just to hear you whine, it’s a reminder that this being a ritual doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t want him right now.

You, however, are greedy, and your boyfriend is hot.

“Pretty please,” you reply, your bottom lip jutting out subconsciously at him. Without wasting another second, Wonwoo’s hand dips past your shorts, past your panties, until it finds its way to your awaiting clit. His fingertips brush against it lightly, and behind his glasses his cat-like eyes are fixed on the way your mouth parts in a soft sigh at the contact.

He inches further down, swiping through your folds, along your slit where your arousal is already pooling. It should be embarrassing, but when Wonwoo looks at you with his v-shaped smile and pride gleaming in his eyes, you can’t feel anything but warmth—heat. All over your body and in your cheeks and especially where his fingers are prodding at your entrance.

“So wet from a kiss, baby?” he says, his fingertips growing wetter and wetter with your slick with every second that he doesn’t put them inside you.

“I get wet from you looking at me, Wonwoo,” you whine, rutting your hips as impatience stirs in your core, along with your desperate need, mingling together into a feverish dizziness that can only be cured by your pretty boyfriend’s pretty hand.

He laughs through his nose—so mean when he knows he’s got the upper hand. Then he remembers that, technically, you’re doing him a favour, and at long last two of his fingers dip into your awaiting hole, and your back arches, and you give a honeyed moan that’s full of content.

Wonwoo slides his long, slender fingers in all the way to his knuckles, curling them upwards into your sweet spot so good that you see stars for a second. He gazes upon your face that’s scrunched up in pleasure and starts to move his wrist, feeling his dick stir in his pants as you whine and toss your head back into his shoulder.

He’s not teasingly slow this time—far from it. He’s doing this to warm up, after all. Before you know it, he’s moving his entire arm as he drags his fingers back and forth, in and out of your dripping pussy with a slick, obscene sound.

“W-wonwoo, please,” you whimper, peering up with him with sparkly eyes.

“Hm?” is all he replies, but the way he’s grinning with a mixture of something like pride and awe shoots pangs of pleasure to your core.

“More,” you manage through a moan.

He obliges with a peck to your temple, angling his hand slightly, then the pad of his thumb is drawing rapid circles over your clit and your noises grow even louder, even needier.

“Fuck, Wonwoo!”

Your hands find the fabric of his hoodie and you cling to him, bucking your hips wildly while his fingers set fire to every last one of your veins.

“So good for me, baby,” he mutters, giving a soft groan of his own when your cunt clenches around his fingers at his words. He loves how predictable you are—you’ve never been immune to his sweet talk.

“Can you kiss me?” you ask, grasping fistfuls of his hoodie by now.

Without hesitation Wonwoo leans down and meets your lips, kissing you hard this time, sliding his tongue against yours like he’s trying to claim you, and you’d let him. Meanwhile, his fingers piston in and out of you with vigour, and you can’t imagine it getting any better until he pushes a third one past the ring of your hole, stretching you out even more deliciously than before.

Wonwoo pulls away just an inch from your face, staring intently at you as you pout. With resolve in his eyes, he brings his free hand to your mouth— he needs to warm up both hands of course— and it’s only when your glossy, puffy lips wrap absentmindedly around his middle and pointer fingers and suck that he realises how painfully hard he’s gotten.

Deep in your abdomen, a heat blooms and radiates outwards to every last inch of your limbs. It’s a winding coil that’s begging to snap, and Wonwoo can tell.

“Gonna cum?” he asks, his breath biting at your ear. His voice has fallen deeper somehow, so husky that it’s nearly a whisper.

“Mhm,” you reply, your moan muffled by the fingers in your mouth.

He starts to pump his fingers in and out of you with abandon and his keyboard skills come in clutch because before you can even process it, the coil deep inside you snaps.

“That’s it baby, cum for me,” he utters.

Wonwoo pulls his fingers out of your mouth and watches the bliss overcome your face, watches your eyes roll into the back of your head as a string of high-pitched moans falls from your lips. Your cunt clamps around his fingers, sloshing from how much slick gushes from your hole now, as he’s intent on fingering you until you come back down to earth.

When you do, and you’re left quivering with the aftershocks of your orgasm, Wonwoo drags his fingers out of you just to pop them in his own mouth and lick them clean, though he’s not as shameless about it as you.

“Gross,” you quip.

“Yeah? I’m sure it was gross,” he replies, grinning at you. He has the patience of a saint and also the gall of a demon.

You roll your eyes in feigned contempt. “Don’t you have a stream to do?”

“Yeah, but I also have a needy girlfriend who needs to be held after she cums. Do you want ramyeon?”

You melt instantaneously, your head drooping against his chest.

“Pretty please,” you say.

Anyone would assume he’s grovelling from the way he brings you ramyeon and strawberry milk and gummy bears and your favourite chips. You know it’s just because he loves you.

He’s also trying to make up for the fact that he’s ditching you for the next three hours.

[elsecrytt]

okay NEW curse technique concept: love conquers all!

your technique straight up alters reality. it will heal you or others, kill or harm people in any specific way, you can travel quickly, produce objects/food/etc. out of nowhere, whatever you want.

however. you can only do it if you genuinely believe it will make your loved one happy. otherwise you are just a regular person.

if you're not in love with someone, you're an ordinary person.

thankfully (?) you're a bleeding heart romantic and you fall in love pretty often! you might be shallow at first but your desire to pursue a relationship and get to know your crush is 100% sincere!

for added comic effect, you do not know what curses are and are unaware of your cursed technique. you just know that you're super capable whenever you're doing it ~for love~

unfortunately, when you fell in love with satoru gojo, he pretty much immediately shot you down.

commitment issues, sorcerer problems, yada yada. he could tell that you were genuine with your feelings, too, and satoru does do hookups but he's not a total asshole.

satoru being LITERALLY the luckiest person ever - six eyes, limitless, ridiculously tall and beautiful, talented students and powerful allies - and he's handed an instant win ticket to life in the form of your undying love and devotion and he just tosses it out LMAOOO.

so you go through your heartbreak phase, grieve for a while, and of course eventually get back on the market.

and you find him! the kindest, most considerate, respectful man alive.

he's a bit of a workaholic, but he's unbelievably polite and sincere, and every bit of understanding you show him is repaid tenfold.

seriously. he was late for a date once because of work, texting ahead twenty minutes and apologizing profusely, showing up with flowers and a thousand "I'm so sorry, my superior at work was a bit unreasonable - he works hard, too, though. I'll plan better in advance!"

when you smile and hug him and accept his apologies easily, you can see him holding back tears, a giant load releases his shoulders.

the more you learn about his work, though, the more you realize it's his only flaw. it's not even his fault!

his superior is just this giant asshole. "he works very hard, he's excellent at his job" your fucking ASS, why should your man have to put in constant overtime to drive his ass around?

apparently he had to drive three hours to pick up some sweets. kikufuku, of all things, from this one specialty store in another prefecture, just for his stupid coworker -

it pisses you off!

so when ichiji arrives for your date one day, nervous, with his unreasonable coworker in tow - well, you're shocked to see that you recognize him.

satoru, of course, immediately gloats that he recognizes ichiji's precious girlfriend - she even asked him out, once, before!

internally, he supposes it's kind of nice that you found someone better suited for commitment. although ichiji really doesn't deserve someone as good-looking as you -

SLAP!

he stares, dumbfounded, his cheek red and stinging. something strange curling in his chest at your vicious glare.

"You're Ichiji's shitty coworker?" You growl, "I'm glad you turned me down. Don't ever bully my man again, or you're dead meat."

holy shit, satoru thinks to himself as you snarl at him, ichiji panicking, trying to hold you back.

dead meat. holy shit, he actually believes you.

-

obviously from there the plan would be enemies to lovers, with the requisite comedy and pining on gojo's part about having let you go the first time.

you have a very strict policy of never EVER pursuing someone who turns you down (you don't know this, but it's actually a condition of your cursed technique). but satoru will find out - that doesn't stop him from pursuing you.

unfortunately, you're also unbelievably prideful, and still very in love with ichiji (who himself is struggling with a sense of inferiority which will eventually tank your relationship).

so gojo gets his ass beat on multiple occasions,,, watching in awe as you do thinks even he can't, and doubly flabbergasted when you insist you're not doing anything particularly weird.

you punch through his infinity? "are you telling me you think you're a wizard with an invisible force field around yourself? seriously?" cursed spirits? "is this a cult?? ichiji is your coworker in a CULT?" his hollow purple doesn't leave a scratch "i mean, was it supposed to?"

god i'm just feeling the comedy these days. i need to make fun of these silly little guys in this silly little manga, i love them so much

[wolftoken]

Ticklish

a/n: my friend needs comfort???? writers block GONE ❌ i love you @pastlives-pastlie

word count: 696 • tags: gn reader, fluff, cuddling, ticklish vessel, ticklish reader

• masterlist •

He’s tired, his head resting heavy in your lap and his eyes half-lidded. His hands are softly kneading your thighs while yours rest in his hair and on his jaw. Absentmindedly you gently massage his scalp, savouring the big sigh he lets out at the feeling. Nuzzling further into you, he brings his arms up to hold your waist and since he’s entirely too tall for the couch, his feet dangle off the edge of the armrest but he couldn’t care less because all he can think about is you, your warmth, your softness.

“Should we go to bed?” you whisper, not wanting to break the gentle atmosphere. Vessel doesn’t respond, just tightens his grip on your waist. You bring your hands down to cup his jaw so you can get him to look up at you, and his eyes shine softly in the low light and you feel a swarm of butterflies start to take flight in your stomach.

“You’re comfy,” is all he can muster. His voice is quiet and monotone like he can’t summon the energy to speak properly. He does this every time you end up cuddling on the couch late at night when he has to rearrange all his limbs in order to get comfortable and you know he’d be complaining about a sore neck or back tomorrow morning if you stay here. But getting him off of you is a challenge in and of itself, especially if he’s sleepy and unwilling to move.

“You can lay on me all night if you come to bed, Ves. But you’re gonna be sore tomorrow if we stay here.”

“M’warm. Bed’s cold,” is his reply, muffled by the way his face is pressed into you.

You sigh, but a smile creeps its way onto your face nonetheless. He’s adorable even when he’s being annoying, it’s terrible. How are you supposed to survive in these conditions? He’s draped over you like a big sack of flour with insistent hands. But then you remember one thing that will get him up no matter how cozy the situation is.

Your nimble fingers find themselves at his sides and mercilessly tickle him and the reaction is almost instant.

His gleeful yelping is probably not what the neighbours want to hear at 11:45 at night but they sound so beautiful to you, especially if it’s what gets him up and moving. Only problem is, you forgot he can retaliate. His hands are much bigger than yours and can cover a larger span of sensitive skin and it feels so so good to laugh with him like this even if you can barely breath and you’re both writhing so much you’re sure to fall off the couch in a minute.

“Ves- fuck! I just want you to come to bed! Please-“ you can barely get the words out past the breathless giggling but he understands you just fine.

“Oh really? You want me to come to bed with you after you’ve viciously attacked me and disturbed my peaceful slumber? Hmm?”

Words seem you fail you as his hands find even more skin to tickle, each spot more sensitive than the last and you’re both teary-eyed and red in the face until he stops. You can tell he’s thinking about starting it again when he bites his lip and stifled a giggle, but he refrains, knowing he can get away with more tickling tomorrow when both of you are wide awake.

“Fine, you win. Let’s go to bed,” he smiles, begrudgingly getting up from on top of you and pulling you with him. He sees your hands creep down to his ribs and the mischievous smile on your face and raises his eyebrow at the sight.

“You’ve fallen victim to my hands once, you will fall again,”

“You talk like some sixteenth century knight sometimes,” you reply, retreating your ready-to-attack hands and opting to hold his instead.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now come to bed or you’ll fall asleep on the couch,” he grins.

“You are awful!” you laugh, following closely behind him to your bedroom. You should definitely wake up him with more tickling tomorrow.

[ohnoanalien]

All You Need to Do Is Ask

Hi! I'm back, kind of!

I was planning to not post to keep the bots away-- but @hcdragoncat is an awesome writer, and @journey-to-the-au is awesome in general! I got inspired by this drabble based on the What If AU.

It might also be because the SEM posts are destroying me and I need some fluff, comfort, and humor (or at least, I tried). I see your ':)' and I know I'm in for a bad time. Pray for me before I strangle a myth from a 16th century book. ❤️

Regardless, thanks for being amazing writers! You're awesome!

---

"Absolutely not."

"Baije, please-- ow-- don't worry yourself. I'll be fine."

Haarini pleaded to no avail. Pushing her back down with stubborn hooves, the pig demon reached for a small bundle. All the while, Pilgrim silently picked at his meal from afar.

"Ah, but you seem to forget." Garnet eyes examined a swollen ankle, reaching for a roll of gauze. "I was once a farmhand. Injuries like these are terrible if left untreated."

"You can't just assume--" Pigsy's sharp glare met hers, cutting her thorny words at the stem.

"Tell me. How many years did you spend outside your temple, honing your survival skills?" He moved to wipe a stinging cut on her cheek. "Because I can assure you that, when you are a wanderer, pain endurance isn't a requirement."

From beside the campfire, Sha Wujing's eyes traveled from Haarini's bloodthirsty scowl to Pilgrim's endless shivering. With gentle footsteps, the demon sat down beside him, nudging him with a large shoulder.

"You're eating very slowly. Is everything alright, my friend?"

No response. The eldest disciple sniffled, rubbing a flushed nose.

"Wukong?" The monk asked again.

Ao Lie raised his head.

"Pilgrim?"

Zhu Baije and Haarini stopped their bickering. Their eldest disciple finally looked up, startling when he was met with a sea of curious eyes.

"Do I have something on my face?" The stone monkey chuckled nervously.

"Well, no." Wujing hummed to himself, "You just seem-- oh, what's the word--"

"Distracted." Tripitaka furrowed his brow from his spot under a tree. "Absent-minded. Weak."

Weak. Weak?

In an instant, Wukong's fur puffed at the accusation.

"Master, you forget that our eldest disciple can’t possibly weaken. He's immortal several times over! He's probably just cold from his little dip in the river." Zhu Baije snorted.

"He's right, Master! I'm p-perfectly..." A raspy breath hitched.

Haarini frowned, pushing herself to her feet. "Wukong, what’s going–"

A loud sneeze rumbled through the night air, fire flickering at the force of it. Dazed and confused, the pilgrims surfaced from the shock, ears still ringing. The deity's face reddened through his fur, hovering a paw over his nose. 

"Excuse me. I– snff! I need to go…patrol the area." He mumbled. And with that, the great sage was gone.

"...Should we go after him?" Wujing finally piped up.

Haarini took her time limping through the mountain path. She was insistent on checking first-- despite the group’s overflowing concerns.

"Please do not search for too long." Tripitaka guided her towards the brush that circled their little safe haven, "You might exacerbate your sprain."

"And watch for roots." Zhu Baije examined her wrappings…again. "Tripping over anything in your condition would make things much worse."

"And please be aware of your surroundings." Wujing added, hands wringing. "If a demon attacks, we wouldn't want you to fight alone. So remember to ask for help when you need it, okay?"

Haarini's eye twitched. "Anyone else want to give me advice that I already know?"

Like clockwork, the youngest disciple whinnied. The warrior threw her head back, glaring up at the moon. "Thank you Ao Lie. Very helpful."

The forest itself was much better company, lively with conversation. Owls hooted. Crickets chirped. Haaniri stepped from the dapples of moonlight into a wide meadow, its rolling garden seeming to stretch on for miles. Fireflies gracefully floated above the flowers, flickering in the dark like embers on the wind.

A coughing fit broke the peace, and Haarini couldn't help the giggle that passed her lips. The Monkey King was never one for stealth, was he? She carved her way through the tall grass and up to a familiar patch of golden fur. 

And there sat her patient, sniffling and rubbing at his face.

Haarini frowned. Was. Was he crying? Is that why he was so quiet? Is that why he refused to come near us? Is he too prideful to face his friends?

The langur paused. She steeled herself, a nimble paw reaching out to his shoulder.

And then all chaos broke loose.

The Monkey King sneezed. She screamed. He yelped. They scrambled backwards, perched on all fours and fur puffed like feral cats. For just a moment they were frozen in time, backs arched, staring wide eyed between a storm of windswept petals.

"...We’re going back." Haarini said flatly, loosening up to pick freckles of pollen from her fur.

"I’m fine."

"Wukong."

"I am! Don’t you trust your Grandpa Sun?"

The langur sighed, moving to sit beside him. "Do you know how stubborn you are?"

Wordlessly, ruby eyes traveled to her ankle. Haarini scoffed, tail blocking its view with a silver swish. "Th-that’s not the same!" She huffed, arms crossed.

"I see." Wukong wheezed out a chuckle-- which spiraled into a coughing jag. Blood boiled under his dear friend’s fur. Golden eyes narrowed. 

Fine. If the idiot wasn't going to help himself, she'd just have to do it for him.

All too suddenly Haarini hissed in pain, reaching to clutch her ankle. And as she predicted, the deity immediately leaned forward, ignoring his own state. He suppressed a shiver. She fought the urge to strangle the immortality out of him.

"Will you stop that? I said I'm fine!" Haarini grasped at his cheeks to push him away.

Her friend immediately obliged, concern weighing heavily on his drooping shoulders.

“What a terrible illness. His mind must be half-melted by now…" The patient muttered, flexing her fingers.

"What was that?"

"Oh! Sorry. Just mumbling to myself, that’s all. Being treated in the presence of a king must have rattled my nerves quite a bit." She threw a wrist over her forehead, shooting him a teasing smirk.

A snort broke the monk’s worry, and Haarini couldn't help but mirror his laughter as he sprung back to life. Wukong scooched just a little closer, emerald grass pooling at his waist. "Oh, I completely understand. After all, you are in the presence of someone so great."

As he tried to calm his giggling Haarini leaned on her elbows, scanning every inch of his body. "The long walk here hasn’t done me any favors either. Would you mind...?" She extended her leg.

Without hesitation, Wukong rolled up his sleeves.

Then cracked his knuckles.

Then cracked his neck.

Haarini raised a bushy brow.

“What?” The Monkey King sniffed, nose in the air, “I’m just preparing.” And with that, he began to message a twisted ankle.

The langur hummed, a round ear flicking absent-mindedly as she dipped lower. "You know, I was wondering. You can't swim without sinking. Why jump into a river to save me from drowning?" 

For just a second, the deity’s carefree smile bent. "Come now, you’ve traveled with me long enough! Any challenge I've faced is just flimsy kindling in my hands. This was nothing! A fluke! A bump in the road!"

Another sniffle.

"But you could have easily let Sha Wujing do the honors. Or Zhu Baije. Or a barely sturdy tree branch.” Haarini said with a sigh of irritation.

The Monkey King’s face grew hot with embarrassment, but her thoughts marched on.

"It. I just. If there's anything wrong. If...if I did something wrong--" All concerns flipped on their side as the great sage’s lower back twitched, unable to stop a pitiful whimper from slipping out.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Last chance, dumbass.

"Don't worry! Don't worry! As I said, I'm perfectly well, th-thank you." Wukong's voice crackled, and he paused to rub at an aching throat. He gazed down at the flora beneath him, feeling its soft strokes between his claws. "Don’t assume, my friend. You didn't do anything wrong. It's hard to explain. Your presence is like...sitting under the cool shade on a hot day. Or the warmth of a snowy hot spring. I feel...relief around you. And I don’t want to lose something so precious."

"Tail's not moving at all..."

"Ugh! Forget it!" The king scratched at his scalp as he turned back to his patient-- just missing the way Haarini straightened like a ruler.

"Noted.” She agreed to the unknown, one-sided conversation with every bit of false confidence that she could muster. “Before I head back to our camp and leave you be, can I ask for one more favor? It's nice and painless this time, I promise." She implored.

"Of course." Wukong smiled, looking like he was one slight twitch from passing out in a fit of pain. "Anything for you."

She gently slapped a paw to his cheek, all innocent mannerisms dropping.

"You need to lie down before your injury gets worse."

Sun Wukong blinked slowly, eyes dull and glazed over. “...Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't give me that!" Her touch moved back to his forehead, "Your fever is most likely from an infected wound, as well as exhaustion from so much moving around."

"I'm-- snff-- I'm fi--" He stumbled, rubbing his eyes to clear a dizzy spell. Haarini immediately took the chance to crawl along the king’s back, lifting his robes, and he quickly sobered with a mortified squeak.

"Just as I thought." A puffy gash trailed down his back, blood matting his ginger fur. "For gods' sake, there's still grime stuck in the damn thing!"

Surprise turned to anger, and the immortal whipped his head around. Offense and shock pierced through the langur like arrows. Nonetheless she persisted, circling The Monkey King and toeing the line that could easily yank her down to the bottom layers of Diyu.

"Oh I know your type well." She growled. A silver claw poked him over and over, forcing him to stumble backwards. "Unwilling to admit weakness, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to keep yourself safe because-- despite your strength and cunning-- you believe yourself to be perfect and flawless and never make a single mistake!"

Wukong couldn’t help but flinch in pain as his back hit a tree, pinned to the wall by a single finger.  "And of course immortality is an incredible power to wield, but it’s also completely useless if you spend an eternity unable to walk! So please, for my sake, stop pretending you're so invincible and let me help you already!"

The world paused. Fireflies danced over a pair of flushed faces. And ever-so-slowly, Haarini pulled away. 

"I'm not very good at being subtle, am I?" She moaned, pressing a palm to her head.

"Maybe a little." Wukong trilled, wincing at a searing heat that shot up his spine.

Haarini opened her mouth for another lecture– blinking in surprise when the Monkey King obediently took a seat on a nearby rock. 

"I don't suppose you brought any medicine...with..." He gasped, and Haarini’s paws flew up to her ears before they could burst.

“...ow.” Cracking a cautious eye open, Pilgrim felt a handkerchief press into his lap.

"Maybe let's start with this." Haarini chuckled, whacking his shoulder with a snowy tail. "You need it more than I do."

Her ankle throbbed. She shifted from foot to foot, snowy tail extending as she tried not to fall. But a gentle arm wrapped around her back, and a warm side pressed against her own.

For a body made of boulders, his skin was surprisingly soft.

"If I ask my master for help, will you promise to stay off your feet for a few days?" Wukong smiled sheepishly under half-soaked fabric.

A giggle brushed his ears like swaying wind chimes. 

“We really are a wreck, aren’t we? Ahahaha!” Through her wobbling Haarini returned the favor, pulling her monk ever closer. "Alright, alright. Anything for you."

[dollish-shard]

Through a Haze of Pleasure

You slowly come to, mind awash with pleasure, thoughts scattered and fleeting. It's hard to think through the haze, but you do your best to remember, to figure out where you where and how you got here.

You remember... a mission, one that comes to you in pieces.

The Arcanian Empire, once a small force on the border worlds, had grown exponentially. Fleets were sent to stop them; fleets that only joined their forces, the crews of the ships bound to the Empire's will through some unknown technology.

They swept across Union space like a plague. They had... taken the core system. The capital planet, the homeworld... under their control. You and your friends had only barely escaped, joined up with the Rebellion in ever shrinking terriory.

You'd... been assigned a mission. To sneak into one of their brainwashing facilities, to learn how they dominated the wills of others, and how to reverse it. If such a thing were possible, the tides of war would turn in an instant. Had... had you been captured?

No... You'd gotten out. You'd found something, a... signal? No, broadcast codes, a frequency, yes! That when input into a specific array, would transmit a broadcast that would undo all of the Empire's brainwashing. And you'd gotten out safely, all according to plan.

Then you and the rest of the Rebellion forces had launched an assault on the array, a desperate gambit to take it and cripple the Empire... but you'd been ambushed. You and your friends captured as soon as you beamed down, dozens of Arcanian ships warping into the system.

And then... everything went black, and you woke up here. Was that it? It's so hard to think, your memories feel like they're melting... fuck, it feels so good- makes you want to give in and obey...

A door slides open, and a figure strides in. "Having fun, pet?"

You perk up at the voice. You can't place it, but it feels so deeply familiar, the sound of it making your heart race and redoubles the pleasure in your mind.

She moves into view. You've never seen her before, but... maybe you have?

A name floats into your head unprompted. No, not a name... a title. Her title.

Mistress. This woman is your Mistress.

As you think that, the pleasure spikes in your mind, and you let out a little moan.

She smiles. "It would appear so. I'm glad you're being so compliant, pet."

You try and raise an arm, and only now do you realize you're bound. Wrists and ankles held to your sides by glowing purple energy, tied down to a wall by a similar ring at your waist. You simply hadn't noticed, it felt so... natural.

Your Mistress walks over and strokes your hair, and you feel so happy you might explode. "It must be so nice to undergo the full process this time." She says. "I do so hate to leave conditioning incomplete."

You let out a small squeak of confusion, unable to form proper words.

She laughs, a beautiful sound. "Well, you didn't think we'd let a spy just walk out of a conditioning center, did you? That we'd let you escape with a miraculous way to win the war for you silly little rebels? Don't be absurd. I'm sure you can remember what really happened."

It... as she speaks, more memories are uncovered from the haze. Memories of... being captured, bound just like you are now... the waves of pleasure and Mistress' voice in your ear, giving you instructions... Being handed coordinates and fake broadcast codes...

Your breath hitches; as you remember your betrayal, you're overwhelmed by pleasure. It feels good to obey. It feels so, so good, nothing else in your life has ever mattered nearly half as much. Your friends, the Rebellion, the Union... nothing in comparison.

Your Mistress recognizes your realization. "It's all coming back to you, I see! You really did such a good job leading all your friends into a trap, pet. I'm so proud of you! And now they can all experience the same pleasure as you!"

There's a tiny part of you that knows you should feel bad about this, that you need to fight, need to get out, need to... that part of you goes silent, drowned out by the desire to obey. To serve your Mistress, to serve the Arcanian Empire.

You feel glad that the Rebellion has been stamped out. They'd all spent so long running... from this? Why had you ever tried to escape this pleasure? Now you and everyone else could experience it, understand your true calling in life.

Mistress grins. "Seems the process is nearly complete. Soon you'll just be another obedient subject!~" She hums. "But still, another couple of hours, just to be on the safe side. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll love it!"

As she leaves you alone, to continue your brainwashing in ever increasing pleasure, you know in your heart and soul that you will.

[pigeon-behavior]

I just want you to know that there is no pigeon breeder, companion or otherwise, that is making a profit off of their birds, other than a few extremely rare exceptions.

There is not much money to be had in the hobby. The grand majority lies in pigeon racing, which while not my favorite thing in the world still isn't as bad or evil as some people make it out to be.

Even the money to be made in racing is usually not enough to turn a profit. A racer who wins one race a year of a couple thousand dollars almost certainly made nothing back doing that. And if they did, it was probably enough for gas money.

Why is this the case, then, in so much of the hobby?

It boils down to one thing: pigeons are expensive.

Buying them, acquiring their food, the necessary supplies, building housing, maintaining housing, medical treatments, treats and supplements, etc.

Cutting corners on these things does no breeder or racer any favors. If you aim to show your birds or to have them perform for sport, and you want them to win, you have to invest in them.

You want your racers in peak condition. You want your show birds looking their absolute best. These things don't happen by accident - you have to make them happen by providing the right things to your birds.

And that is a money black hole. It's gone and it is never coming back.

There are a few scattered places in the world where the prizes for shows or races are astronomically huge, and these are the only people making significant money off of pigeons.

Racers in Belgium, for instance. At the highest tier of racing a pigeon can sell for a million dollars. More.

But you should view that as the same kind of separation between the average middle class citizen and a billionaire oil executive. The number of people who are walking away with that kind of money is astronomically tiny.

Another very wealthy area of the world for pigeons are sections of the Middle East. Essentially if it is a prosperous area, the hobby is prosperous.

Saudi Arabia is known for a growing market of rare morph falconry birds and yes, for pigeon breeding.

My understanding is that they show and sell these birds. They are extremely beautiful animals. And I have seen some truly insane prices.

But they are re-investing their money too. If you look at the lofts of the rich in the Middle East they are. Utterly gorgeous. I'm not sure there is better housing to be found on planet earth.

They are obsessively clean, filled with artistic detail, and extremely spacious. Some of them look as if a little temple has been built for these pigeons. I think one of my friends once told me he had seen stained glass in one.

Companion breeders are not rich. At least none that I know. They will charge you upwards of $100 for a pigeon, and none of that will be a profit for them.

It will offset some of the costs they have invested to keep their pigeons at their best, but not by much.

I know some people have assumed that price tag is greed, in the past, but that's not the case.

It's a deterrent. If you aren't willing to pay the front cost on a bird significantly cheaper than any parrot larger than a budgie, are you going to be willing to pay for vet fees later down the line? To provide the animal with the best care it can get?

It's a test. If you shy away at the last moment to go pick up an instant gratification bird that costs $25 from an unverified source, you failed it. You annoyed that companion breeder, but at the end of the day you proved they didn't want you to have one of their birds anyway.

Don't go into breeding to make money. You will only lose it.

If you like my posts, please consider tipping me on ko-fi!

[gilded-garnet]

A Taste of Defeat

Summary: Just a fluffy headcanon scenario of how a friendly duel leads to Sebastian and F!MC's first kiss.

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow / F!MC

Themes: Duelling, first kiss / WC: 1K

She'd found Sebastian in the Undercroft, in the process of blasting a training dummy almost to pieces. Not wanting to disturb him, she'd watched as he unloaded a barrage of Confringo and Depulso until the poor thing looked rather worse for wear.

When he'd finally sent it spiralling into the opposing wall, he doubled over, placing his hands on his knees and taking deep lungfulls of air.

"Hardly a fair fight," she remarked.

He jumped and spun to face her, breathing heavily. Internally, she thought he looked quite dashing out of breath as he was, cheeks flushed and hair dishevelled, but she kept that to herself.

Sebastian quickly regained his composure, straightening up and plastering on his trademark smirk. "Are you volunteering?"

"Sure. Though I assure you..." she went to walk past him, stopping to breathe into his ear. "You'll lose."

He looked down at her and she was forced to acknowledge (not for the first time) that he had grown several inches over the summer.

"Possibly," he retorted.

"Certainly."

"I've gotten better."

"Well, I am better."

Merlin, she hoped she wasn't talking out of her arse. He would never let her live it down if he beat her. They had duelled a few times since their first meeting in Defence Against the Dark Arts, but she had always come out on top.

"Alright then, challenge accepted," he said, smirking. "I've had a good warm up, anyway. Rules - no ancient magic allowed."

"I didn't need ancient magic to beat you on my first day and I certainly don't need it now."

He tsked, but his eyes were teasing. "You're awfully cocky. You just took me by surprise, is all."

She hummed in mock agreement, walking past him to the far end of the Undercroft and spinning on her heel to face him. "And every time since?"

"Touché."

They both raised their wands, poised to strike. He was smiling, almost smug, and she found she very much wanted to wipe that look off his face.

She took the initiative, casting Levioso quickly in order to catch him off guard. No such luck, he easily shielded himself before sending a purple jet of Depulso her way.

They traded spells for several minutes, illuminating the Undercroft with bright flashes of light. She was forced to acknowledge that he had improved, but she knew she would win in the end. She always did.

Eventually, she found her opening. He cast his shield charm a split second too late and was pushed off balance; she pounced on the blunder.

"Accio!"

She savoured his look of surprise as his clothing traitorously pulled him towards her. He came to a halt just in front of her, and she was just getting ready to end it with Expelliarmus when he did something she was wholly unprepared for.

He hooked his arm around her waist, drew her to him, and pressed his lips to hers.

Her brain ceased to function.

The moment was both endless and over in an instant, and she vaguely felt his free hand snatch the wand from her grip before he pulled away, dancing out of reach.

"Ha! I win!" He was elated, waving her wand in the air like a trophy.

What had just happened? She could only stand there, dumbstruck.

"That - that's not fair!" She finally managed to stammer.

He gave her a sly look, twirling her wand between his fingers. "Ah ah. We simply agreed to no ancient magic. If you wanted to add more conditions, you should have specified."

Her bafflement was rapidly transitioning into rage. How dare he!

"You know what, Prewett was right. You Slytherins do fight dirty," she huffed, fully aware that she was pouting and being a very sore loser indeed.

He laughed. "Oh, come on! I was simply exploiting an opening. Perfectly reasonable tactics."

He started walking towards her, a glint in his eye that simultaneously gave her butterflies and put her on her guard.

"So, you didn't enjoy it, not even a little bit?" He asked, voice still light.

He slipped her wand back into her hand and she clenched it tightly. She'd felt awfully vulnerable without it.

"Absolutely not." She refused to look at him, staring resolutely at a very interesting suit of armour in the corner.

"So, you absolutely wouldn't want me to do it again?"

She felt her heart skip a beat. What was wrong with her? Part of her mind told her that he was just messing with her to try and get a reaction, whilst the other - the much less rational part - was screaming at her to look at him.

Despite being very much against her better judgement, she turned to face him. He was very close, and was looking at her like that.

"Hm. For someone who is absolutely sure, you're taking an awfully long time to -"

She didn't let him finish. She grabbed his tie and sharply pulled his mouth down to meet hers; to shut him up, she would tell herself, later.

His lips were soft and pliant, and it didn't take him long to master his surprise and bring his hands up to frame her face.

She kissed him greedily, not really sure what had come over her. A spark of excitement twisted in her core as he angled his head to kiss her more deeply.

His thumb brushed across her cheek, leaving fire in its wake, and she felt her whole body shiver when he groaned softly into her mouth, eliciting her own breathless gasp.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. She knew her cheeks must be scarlet and Sebastian's eyes were dark. He looked like he wanted to devour her.

It suddenly felt like too much. Not five minutes ago she'd been ready to blast him across the room. Not able to look at him anymore, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder. He was pleasantly warm.

"This win still doesn't count," she muttered.

He wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, it definitely does."

[nahoney22]

OMG HI! 🤩 Are you taking writing commissions?! Can I be added to a commission waiting list if you have one for a soft-pining between Plo-Koon and a Jedi!Reader? I’m talking like fluffiest fluff you can muster! Maybe them being like parents to their battalions! The forbidden attraction because of old Jedi rules 🥺

P.S: You are so right! None of this bs wouldn’t have happed if he didn’t bite the dust 😭

Forbidden

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙

Plo Koon X GN!JediReader

word count: 2.6k

Both being the greatest Jedi they can be to their Battalion, it’s no surprise that the kindness shared between you both brings you closer and maybe just maybe, makes things a little risky.

warnings: none, fluff! Minor mention of injury & death to Clones, forbidden romance trope, mutual pining. Ngl, not overly proud of this as I feel it’s a little rushed and messy. It was better in my head. I’m losing my touch.

Masterlist

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙

The Medbay was often a horrible place for any person or sentient to visit and no matter how many visits General Plo attends, it is never any easier.

The last mission was a success but with so many casualties. His respect for his Battalion grows each passing second and has come to care about each man individually but at what cost? Another win yet it seemed like they were no step closer to beating the Separatist threat.

“I am here for CC-3636.” Plo speaks to one of the droids that maintained care for those who were taken in, hating using his Commander's designated number rather than his preferred name.

“Right this way. His condition is stable.”

Plo stays silent, walking down the painfully white halls of the Kaminoan facility towards one of the bays. Though deep in his thoughts, something stops him.

As if something had shoved on his chest and commanded him to stop, his head turned to look into an empty room. Well, aside from two beings in the right hand corner.

There’s a clone on the bed, no colour to their armor aside from the stark white and shiny new armor and a presence beside them. Their back was to him but he was certain that they were Jedi. That Jedi being you, someone who he still has not been formally introduced to though he had heard things. Many great things in fact.

Slowly, he turns and looks into a room opposite, busier than the others but still no other Jedi present. If he were to hazard a guess, he would confirm that the only two Jedi here were just the pair of you. All these men injured, yet it seemed that only you two had cared.

He sighs to himself, knowing he should not think ill of the other Jedi as he was well aware that most have care for their troops but clearly, maybe just not as much as him and yourself.

“Just this way Master Jedi.” The AZI droid speaks up, snapping Plo out of his doubting thoughts and proceeds to move on along. But as he leaves, you look over your shoulder and feel a shift in the Force. A Jedi was present and although curious to who it could be, you focus on your trooper and wait for him to wake up.

———-

“Anakin is growing stronger and courageous each day though I fear there is conflict within him.” Obi-Wan speaks softly as he walks alongside Plo.

The Kel Dor sensed his friend and colleagues troubles and opted to walk with him and try to clear his mind. “Your padawan is headstrong and a fine Jedi. Little Soka is becoming the ideal Jedi too because of him. Trust in him Obi-Wan and soon you will see everything will play out smoothly.”

Walking out into the courtyard, conversation changing to something more cheerful rather than Obi-Wan’s worrying woes, the two of them took in the calming air.

“Ah, look who is over there.” Kenobi points to the center of the courtyard, over by The Great Tree.

Plo looks in the direction and as if by an instant, he recognised you to be the Jedi on Kamino a few rotations ago. Your robes were breezing around your body, a content expression on your face.

“You haven’t met them yet, have you?” Kenobi asks, already getting ready to walk on over but like before, something pushed against him and his feet find their way walking over to you.

“No.” He answered him.

“Well, let me introduce you.”

Kenobi says your name aloud, catching your attention and as you turn, there’s a strange feeling in the Kel Dor’s stomach. He had not expected you to appear so youthful as you appeared wise beyond your years.

“General, what do I owe the pleasure?” You smile warmly to your friend, eyes flickering between the human male and then to Kel Dor beside him.

“Nothing at all, just thought I would introduce you to Master Plo Koon. I don’t think you two have worked together.”

When you look at him your eyes are full of intrigue and interest as you bore into the mask on his face. “No, I don’t believe we have.” You take a step closer and extend a hand. “Pleased to meet you.”

His hands or talons so to speak, reach out to you and gently clutches at the softness of your skin. His touch is surprisingly warm and enough to send chills down your arms but luckily, your robes hid the bumps. When he says your name you feel an odd sensation. A sensation as if you would want him to repeat it over and over again.

“And you. I see you find calmness in The Great Tree?” He pulls his arm back, digits leaving yours and you try to ignore how cold you suddenly felt. What was happening? Were you feeling unwell? You push the thoughts back for the time being and focus back on his question.

“Yes, I find it beautiful.” You say softly, turning to look at the leaves that bristled in the soft wind. “We’re definitely lucky to have one in our midst due to its rarity.”

There was something about you that Plo was fascinated by. Your voice was a soft and calming presence and there seemed to be no heavy grief on your shoulders. He was internally thankful that Kenobi had parted ways with you both and took the opportunity to get to know you more.

Respectfully, he had asked of your homeworld and family and listened with great interest at whatever you had to say. You also made sure to include him too and would ask questions about how the war is fairing for him and if he had any worries which reminded him:

“If you recall, I remember seeing you on Kamino though I didn’t make myself known.” He begins to walk alongside you and as you take small and slow steps, his large ones go down to a minimum.

At least the question in your mind of which Jedi had seen you that day was answered and a small smile crept onto your lips. “I thought I felt a spectre close by. You have a very warm presence in the Force.” Although you spoke calmly, there was no denying that there was a small hesitance in your mind and sincerely hoped you had not said anything too outrageous after just meeting him.

“That is kind of you to say.” He nods, genuinely appreciating your gentle words. “I hope that trooper you were seeing made a full recovery?”

“Oh yes,” you smile softly “Jammy, as I so named him, has made a speedy recovery. He got badly wounded on our last mission and I really thought he wouldn’t make it out this time.”

“This time?”

You roll your eyes a little playfully. “Hence the name. He’s been in that Medbay more times than I can count. He’s a lucky one.”

Plo smiles, noticing how affectionate you are when it comes to talking about the Clones. It was a nice relief to see one having respect for them after all they do for the GAR. It was rather refreshing.

“Who were you going to see?” You turn your head to look up at him. He chuckles softly and tells you about Wolffe, a trust Commander and the name just so happens to ring a bell.

“Wolffe,” you repeat his name, pausing, “I don’t suppose he is the Commander of the 104th? Making you their General?”

“Yes, why do you ask?” He stops with you and you find yourself blushing as you notice just how close he stood beside you, slowly moving to stand in front.

“I believe that I am joining you and your entourage in the next following days, on Aleen?” You ask hopefully and that strange sudden hope that you had was a little dangerous.

He hums a small chuckle but shakes his head. “Not me, but I’m sure my men will be a great addition in my absence.”

You tried to not look disappointed but the way he tilts his head at you makes you think that maybe he knew. “I’ll be happy to work with them, General.”

“Please,” he says softly and with enough grace places a hand to your shoulder, “call me Plo.”

————-

The relationship you had with Plo only grew from then on. Coincidentally (or not) the two of you would often find yourselves walking the halls of the Temple together but there was something not quite right.

Just now, your conversation with Plo was innocent and had you both laughing but as you passed a small group of maybe three members of the order, they were eyeing you both up suspiciously. At first you thought nothing of it but the stares lingered and then whispers would begin. You wondered if Plo had seen it too but for now, he said nothing.

When he walked you to your room, there was a small moment just outside your door. You were wishing him a restful sleep but the Kel Dor, almost unnaturally reached out and gently pushed a strand of hair away from your face. Your eyes widen, a blush creeping up your neck and you thank him quietly. He smiles a little and nods his head. “Sleep well, little one.”

The nickname was new and Maker it made you feel airy and light.

A week or two had passed and your heart that had been so full was heavy. You were back on Kamino and your chest tightened as you watched the AZI droids cover not one, not two but at least seven of your men with white sheets. The mission, although successful, left a sour taste in your mouth as you stayed in the Medbay, overlooking your fallen troops.

When the door behind you hissed open however, just by the thought of being with someone who you knew to be Plo, your emotions took over. You raised a hand to your face and quickly swept away a stray tear, turning to face your friend.

“Afternoon Plo.”

Although you could not see it, there is grief behind the mask as he crosses the threshold to you. “Come, little one… let us find somewhere else to talk.”

The nickname would have been lovely if not for the environment but alas you listened and followed after him with your head bowed. For the first time in a while, you both walked in silence until he found a quiet room for you both to sit in.

He gestures to a spot beside him and as you sit, you let out a heavy sigh.

“Your thoughts are wild and understandably so. Is there anything I can do to give you comfort?” His modulated voice was soft and gentle, just like the man he was. You knew that he knows just how hard losing men can be and it never gets any easier. For you, you make bonds with your men. Attachments so to speak, something forbidden within the Order. The thought of being careless to them made you angry and you knew some Jedi would not bat an eyelid. So as your fists tighten by your sides, there is no surprise that Plo had gently taken one of your hands and whispered, “At ease, they wouldn’t want to see you upset.”

That afternoon, you didn’t say much but you didn’t need to. Plo stayed by your side and as you felt yourself getting weary, he had let you rest upon his shoulder, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Another week passed and another week of your feelings being a mangled mess. It was clear now that feelings had started to bloom between yourself and Plo. On your part, anyway. There is conflict within you and something tells you to back away and get a hold of yourself but that was a little impossible to do when your men had made jokey passing comments to you.

“What was that Trooper?” You turn to him with an amused gleam in your eyes, glad to see how at ease they were with you when he replies if you’re thinking about going to see the ‘Wolfpacks dad’. You snorted, dismissing him playfully but there was something in the back of your mind that was tickling your senses. Was it obvious to them that there was something there? Is that why the Jedi had been keeping a watchful eye on you both. Surely if they knew, Plo would know. This piques your curiosity even more.

That evening, you had decided to stay away from Plo purely because you did not understand these feelings yourself yet. Though, naturally, you both found yourselves in each other’s company.

You’re along one of the balconies back in the Temple when Plo had arrived.

“I didn’t think you would be here.” His voice made you jump a little, your mind so deep in force you didn’t even sense his overpowering presence.

“And why is that?” You poke at his thoughts as he stands beside you, overlooking the city below.

“This is where I often come to ponder my thoughts - something I find myself doing a lot more lately.”

Your body gets tingly at his words, heart racing a little faster. This could either be a good thing, a bad thing, or both. “Something on your mind?”

He stays silent for a few moments, his thoughts conflicted for the first time in a while. He was often quick, wise and brave but he felt the opposite now. Especially with you by his side.

“It is more someone than it is something.”

There it was. You just knew it was about you, or so you certainly had hoped unless he has someone else in his life he has kept quiet about. Words can not even string together but luckily, he does the talking. “My men, they like to talk shall we say about our relationship.”

You freeze. Relationship? Was there even one aside from friendship? “I see.”

Plo looks down at the railing, seeing your hands nervously strum along it and hoping he had read the last few rotations correctly, he quietly placed his hand over yours, talons very gently caressing into your warm skin. “Is this okay little one?” He whispers in your ear and you shudder a small gasp before nodding.

“Plo, what if someone sees us?”

“I must admit I am point the past of caring. I can not help who I admire, and that is you little one.” Plo is watching you carefully but when a small smile flicks onto your lips and your turn to face him, you carefully rest your hand upon his.

“Me too,” you sigh softly, “but I fear this may impact our place in the Order.”

Gently, his other hand comes down to your waist and turns you to face him fully. His hand leaves yours and places it to the side of your face as he looks adoringly into your eyes. “Like I said, I am past the point of caring. I can not stand to believe that we are to shut ourselves out of anything and not be deemed as a Jedi. I trust you feel the same?”

Without hesitation, you fall into his chest. Arms wrapping around his lean and tall frame, Plo wastes no time in reciprocating the gesture. “Of course I feel the same Plo… ever since I met you I could not help but-.”

“Fall for one another.” He finishes off for the both of you.

You’re both elated, glad that the mutual feelings were out in the open but for what is to happen next is uncertain. But what you both did know is that you would both pick one another over any stupid rule. Together, you will treat your own men with the love and dignity they deserve and if yours has to be a secret, so be it.

As long as you’re with him.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁 𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙

Masterlist

tags: @s1st3r @buddee @taskfork-archive @nunanuggets @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @cwarssimp @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @oohyesplease @megafrost4 @adriiibell @theroguesully @equalityforcats @rexandechosandwich @mustluvecho @inagalaxywickedfahaway @misogirl828 @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova @chxpsi @alexandrisonfire @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 7 @rain-on-kamino @either-madness-or-brilliance @by-the-primes @torchbearerkyle @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo o @therealnekomari @a-c-lee @autumnleaves1991-blog @tech-depression-inventory @mylifeinthetardisforever @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @lucyysthings @agenteliix

[senditcolton]

From Eden

a/n: i know some of y’all are getting sick of this man... but i’m not. in fact, i’m becoming more obsessed with him.  word count: 1.5k warnings: references to you and matty sharing a ‘benefits’ type of relationship. besides that, nothing! gender-neutral reader!

No tired sigh, no rolling eyes, no irony.

“Keeping my seat warm, darling?”

The laughter that was on your lips died the instant you heard his voice raise above the shouts and joy of the rest of the families around you. And when you turn on the barstool located in Aleksander Barkov’s backyard, you come face to face with Matthew, wearing that stupid smug smirk on his face.

You try to focus on that smirk, no matter how much it irritated you. Because if you let your eyes wander down to his bare chest that still had droplets of water from the pool clinging to his skin… well, you couldn’t think about that. Not if you wanted to prevent yourself from acting the fool.

Not if you wanted everyone here to know about you and Matthew’s little secret.

So, you slip back into the carefully constructed mask that you had worn for the past few months, letting your eyebrow raise in contempt.

“Yours? Last time I checked, I was sitting in Sasha’s backyard so, it’s his seat more than it is yours or mine.”

“Getting all technical on me, I see.”

“Just stating facts, Matty.”

The nickname is out of your mouth before you can pull it back in. And you can Matthew noticed from the way his eyes sparkled and that damnable smirk grew wider. You just pray that the few teammates around you were oblivious, not paying much attention to the verbal sparring match that they should be used to by now.

“Since when did you start calling Chucky anything but Matthew?” Carter asked, calling more interested glances to be sent in your direction.

So much for them not paying attention.

“I guess I’ve had too much to drink,” you reply, emphasizing your excuse with the lazy wave of your – thankfully – empty beer bottle.

“Well, you should have some more,” Matthew says with that mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

“Why? You want to hear me saying your name?” you tease.

“Much rather hear you screaming it,” he chirps back. His bold statement almost, almost, has you fumbling. Weirdly, it’s the hoots and jeers from the boys around you that steady you.

“In your dreams, Matthew,” you scoff, sliding off your chair and making your way towards the kitchen. Although, Matt calls after you, never content on you having the last word.

“My dreams often come true!”

You hear the boys laugh again and you have to fight the heat that creeps up the back of your neck. Not in embarrassment, no; the rest of the team treated you like family and you knew that they meant everything in jest. The heat appeared because… the rest of the boys had no idea how right Matthew was.

When you first met him, he was a pest. Truly lived up to his reputation. Although, perhaps that night you hadn’t made the greatest first impression. You expected a night out with the boys after a very stressful work day. You hadn’t planned on being forced to go through awkward introductions.

But the past happened and that initial meeting became how you and Matthew moved through the world; with chirps and snark and always a hint of annoyance.

Until a night after a Panther win, where the adrenaline and alcohol were at an all time high, and Matt ended up kissing you. And you liked it. You really liked it.

One thing led to another and now, here you were. Regularly sleeping with the newest star of South Florida all while still acting like he annoyed the shit out of you whenever the two of you weren’t behind closed doors.

You sigh as you walk into the empty air-conditioned kitchen, not wanting to get trapped in the questions that came with whatever you and Matthew shared. It was hard enough pretending to hate him. You didn’t want to push on the possibility of you liking him more than just a hookup.

Although, you think you might really like him. Like that.

Another sigh escapes as you grab a beer from the refrigerator, absentmindedly grabbing the bottle opener from the island, going through the motions. You are so lost in thought that you don’t even hear the door opening and realize someone else was in the kitchen. Not until a pair of strong hands land on your hips.

You slightly jump, pulling away and spinning only to come face-to-face once again with Matthew.

“What are you doing?” you ask, eyes darting out the windows towards the crowd in the backyard. A small rush of relief runs through you when you realize they were thankfully still oblivious.

You look back to Matthew, who’s initial smirk has turned into that gentle smile. It was a smile that you had found yourself waking up to on occasion, when the morning Florida sun creeped in through the blinds of his bedroom.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just really pretty,” he replies, punctuating his words by hooking his fingers through your belt loops and pulling your hips flush to his.

“Matthew,” you reply, your voice taking on a scolding tone.

“What? No one else is in here.”

“Yeah, but anyone could walk in. There isn’t a locked door separating us from the backyard.”

“I could get you behind a locked door,” comes his smooth reply, leaning in towards your lips. You halt his forward motion with a hand on his chest.

“I’m not fucking you in your captain’s house.”

“Not exactly what I meant.” Your only response is a hum, the sarcastic ‘sure’ conveyed clearly, even without the words being spoken. You manage to untangle yourself from him and move towards the trash before Matt speaks again.

“I was thinking maybe you’d come back to mine after dinner.”

“Dinner?” you question, not really looking up at him as you throw the bottlecap away. “I didn’t realize the team was doing that tonight too.”

“They aren’t.”

The waver in his voice is what calls your attention back to him. As soon as your eyes land on him, you are surprised to see that suave, smooth Matthew that everyone thought they knew had completely disappeared. In his place was Matty, his eyes bouncing from you to the floor. You watch as his hand goes to tuck that invisible strand of hair behind his ear, a quirk that you noticed many times before and always found stupidly endearing.

“I was thinking it could be just you and me.”

The realization slowly dawns on you, the understanding of exactly what he was asking.

“Matthew, are you asking me on a date?” you gently tease, not wanting to miss the opportunity to make him even more flustered, no matter how you actually felt about the man.

“If I was, would you say yes?”

The question is put so bluntly that it knocks down almost every imagined wall that had previously been built between the two of you. Because the answer was yes. Even after the rocky start, even after swearing up and down that the connection the two of you shared was purely physical, you ended up really liking Matthew.

And it wasn’t that he just wore you down or wiggled his way into your heart. No, it was because you had seen a side of him that few rarely got to see. Those softer parts of him that no one really seemed to notice or that the general public never really cared about.

Like those mornings where you would wake up to him watching you sleep, that soft smile on his lips.

You liked him. You might even grow to love him.

However, you weren’t about to let him know all of that just yet.

“I might,” you respond, walking towards him, your eyes sparkling with that same energy he always directs your way. You stop mere inches in front of him, the playful grin pulling at the corner of your lips. “I may need a little convincing though.”

Matthew reads your teasing with ease, not wasting any time before he leans down, capturing your lips in his. You’ve kissed Matthew a hundred times before this. But somehow, this kiss stood apart. It was both similar and different from all the others. Yes, it was filled with passion and fire. But now, it was also filled with deeper emotions, emotions the two of you had been too scared to admit, emotions that were as mysterious as the depths of the ocean. The combination was intoxicating and you can’t stop yourself from pressing against him, pulling him closer to you.

“I fucking knew it!”

A different voice bounces off the walls of the kitchen and you break away, looking around Matthew’s frame to see Nick standing in the doorway. You feel the heat flare in your cheeks and you don’t even try to pretend like you weren’t just caught red-handed as you bury your head in Matthew’s chest.

“Benny, you owe me twenty bucks!” Nick shouts, his voice retreating as he returns to the backyard. Beneath your forehead, you can feel Matt’s chest shake in laughter as he wraps his arms around you, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head.

“Guess we weren’t being as subtle as we thought.”

[centralcitylibrary]

Response to Death Battle's Bowser vs. Dr. Eggman: Part 3/3 - Analysing the Match-up

Welcome to part 3/3 of my response to Death Battle. This part will focus on my providing my own analysis of the match-up, and my conclusion at the very end of it. If you watched the whole episode, you’ll know that this absolutely required its own dedicated part just to focus on. For the sake of a fair analysis, this will operate on the same standards that Death Battle themselves operate, rather than my usual methods (assuming you’ve seen it prior).

You can find part 1 here, and part 2 here.

This is probably the absolute hardest Mario vs. Sonic MU to decide on. Both sides have so many options, it’s dizzying, and any side could pull out a win from just unveiling one of their strongest weapons at the right time.

In fact, these instant win weapons are so numerous on both sides, that it turns the strength advantage, usually a major factor in any fight, into merely another number on the list of victory conditions. As such, while I will still provide my own strength calculations, I’ll primarily be focused on each of these trump cards, and what options the opposing army has in stopping them – alongside how both combatants could leverage these trump cards.

Let’s first list out the actual trump cards both sides have, just to make things clear:

Bowser:

Castle Bowser – can warp reality on a universal level, given enough time to charge up.

Dream Stone – can erase people from existence, and if broken its pieces can be consumed for Dreamy Bowser, which empowers him based on how many dreams he can absorb – potentially a raw power option if it can absorb enough dreams.

Fury Bowser – can mind control and corrupt others while he’s active in the form, alongside sending people to another world, and lastly invulnerability negation. Requires Bowser Jr.’s paint brush.

Star Rod – can grant wishes and is on par with the Star Spirits, who created the Dream Depot.

Painting (King Boo) – sealing. Anyone who gets trapped in this cannot escape.

Several ghosts – operating under King Boo, their release can destabilise the dimension.

Mind control.

Power Stars & Grand Stars – raw power.

Pure Hearts – raw power (but even more), invulnerability negation.

Eggman:

Metal Virus – transmutes any organic member infected by it into a metal zombie.

Finalised Phantom Ruby Prototype – can create tangible illusions (effectively reality warping) that only affect those the user wants to affect, alongside inverting gravity, creating an infinite army, and banishing others to Null Space (which blocks dimensional travel) – has 4 copies.

Phantom Ruby (original) – the same as above, except it provides its own power source. All Phantom Rubies can only be used by those with enough willpower, which amongst Eggman’s army includes Eggman himself, Infinite, Metal Sonic, and the Hardboiled Heavies.

Modified Phantom Ruby Prototype – can modify memories alongside the above’s effects, designed to alter the planet’s memories – has 2 copies. Can create infinitely sized areas via his Egg Fields, and thus has infinite range.

The Chaos Emeralds – just… so many things. Including raw power.

Mind Control Cannon – mind control.

Jewelled Sceptre – raw power (again).

Reverie – turns dreams into reality (aka real reality warping).

Sol Emeralds – they’re like the Chaos Emeralds.

Cyber Space (Sage) – can trap people within, separating their bodies and soul, and even (slowly) corrupt anyone who tries to save them. Even if they can escape, they’ll be left involuntarily intangible.

Time Eater – space-time erasure (and by proxy, existence erasure), raw power (yet again).

Supreme – raw power (constant showings of raw power).

Now all of these tools should – in theory – be able to instantly end the battle, or at bare minimum instantly remove the opposing side’s standard army, leaving it to just the main 2 to duke it out. However, a vast majority of these trump cards has at least 1 method of dealing with them, usually multiple. These are all of the checks and counters to those trump cards mentioned above (if you’re familiar with competitive Pokemon, those terms should be familiar to you – a check is anything that can prevent an opposing tool from working once it’s actively on the field, while a counter is either outright immunity or can be brought on after the fact to counteract it).

Bowser’s checks & counters:

Transmutation magic (Bowser, Kamek) – can counter the Metal Virus, and can check the Phantom Rubies, Jewelled Sceptre, Reverie, Mind Control Cannon, and Time Eater. Cannot counter the Chaos Emeralds, as the latter are not only able to undo their own transmutation, but still work even while transmutated.

Reality warping (Castle Bowser, Bowser to a lesser extent) – checks the Phantom Rubies’ own reality warping; Jewelled Sceptre, Reverie, the Time Eater, and Supreme. Counters the Mind Control Cannon.

Item theft (Kamek) – checks the Phantom Rubies, Jewelled Sceptre, Reverie, and Time Eater. Because of the presence of both the Chaos Emeralds and Sol Emeralds, attempting to steal either of them without knowing how to control them will destabilise the universe, and Eggman’s knowledge on this fact will prompt him to leave the universe immediately while Bowser’s side dies, letting him gain a technical win. Phantom Rubies will not work for Eggman’s side when stolen. Some of Eggman’s items can check his trump cards.

Power nullification (Kamek) – can check everything except the Metal Virus and Sage, especially the Chaos Emeralds and Sol Emeralds. While both can be restored by positive emotions, Eggman has never done so himself, and likely can’t due to his poor genuine leadership skills combined with his immense ego; leaving Sage as the only positive bond he has in this fight. Counters the Mind Control Cannon, as it does not function without Hyper-Go-On.

Illusions (King Boo, maybe Kamek) – since the Phantom Rubies are all illusion-based, counteracting the illusions should be a functional check to them.

Bowser’s computer brain (Bowser) – yeah his computer brain. It can restore his memories, allowing Bowser (albeit only Bowser) to counter the memory altering effects of the Modified Phantom Ruby Prototype.

Minion Spirit – makes Bowser’s army immune to mind control from sheer loyalty, if they’re devoted enough. Should also apply to Bowser himself, and is thus a check to both the Metal Virus and the Mind Control Cannon.

Existence erasure (Dream Stone) – is a soft check to everything Eggman can bring out, albeit it’s possible for Eggman to send Metal Sonic, or a Replica of Metal Sonic or Shadow into White Space to search for and restore whatever has been erased, if Eggman’s forces can stall for long enough.

Data immersion (King Boo) – is a very soft counter to Sage, by virtue of being the only individual who can directly deal with her when she’s not piloting Supreme. Cannot check Supreme directly, as Sage was unable to hack any of the Titans and could only pilot Supreme because it had no pilot.

Invulnerability negation (the Pure Hearts) – can negate invulnerability granted by the Chaos/Sol Emeralds.

Raw Power & restoration (the Pure Hearts) – can counter Eggman’s strongest weapons by virtue of equivalent power and counteracting space-time erasure (assuming finite values).

Eggman’s checks & counters:

That weird illusion/selective reality manipulation (the Phantom Rubies) – can check Castle Bowser (and Bowser’s reality manipulation), the Dream Stone, and Fury Bowser.

Reality warping (Reverie) – can check Castle Bowser, the Dream Stone, Fury Bowser, and the Star Rod.

Memory Manipulation – can check everything that doesn’t come from Bowser himself, and even remove some of Bowser’s own checks and counters such as Minion Spirit or his allies.

Dimensional travel (Chaos Control, Sage, potentially the Phantom Rubies) – can counter anyone being removed from the battlefield by Fury Bowser.

Item theft (Forcejewels) – can unreliably check the Wonder Flowers, Dream Stone, Star Rod, Power Stars, Grand Stars, and Pure Hearts. Some of Bowser’s items can check other items of his.

Mind Control Cannon – can unreliably check King Boo’s painting sealing, by forcing King Boo to undo the effect. Not guaranteed to work, given the potential of true minion spirit, but given there is no indication King Boo is particularly loyal it should be more likely to work than not. Even if Eggman is taken out, Sage can use the mind control cannon on King Boo to undo it.

Sage – given she’s not a physical entity and is really on the EggNet, she should be able to ignore Kamek’s mind control and send Eggman out of range to command his troops from afar, or take direct control of Eggman’s army – a check.

Neo Metal Sonic – his bio-data copying means that he can become immune to any check/counter that comes from an innate ability of any of the Koopa Troop, which can potentially counter many of Bowser’s own checks and counters.

Damage transfer (rings) – checks Bowser’s Power Stars, Grand Stars, and Pure Hearts, as they allowed base Sonic to survive hits from The End, a being more powerful than even Solaris and Time Eater.

Shield (Sage) – is able to block hits from even The End, serving as a check to the Power Stars and even Pure Hearts.

Raw power (Chaos Emeralds, Jewelled Sceptre, Sol Emeralds, Time Eater, Supreme) counters Bowser’s Power Stars and the Pure Hearts (assuming peak values).

That’s a lot, isn’t it? But if you noticed, everything has at least 1 check or 1 counter to it, no matter how unreliable that check/counter actually is.

Some highlights include:

The Chaos/Sol Emeralds are only checked by Kamek and the Dream Stone, and attempting to steal them will in fact force a tie from the resulting destruction and destabilisation.

Kamek alone checks so many of Eggman’s trump cards that he’ll end up becoming a priority target as the battle goes on.

Metal Sonic, if he’s not shut down by Kamek, can continue to copy more and more of Bowser’s powers based off of the bio-data of him and his army, which means that with enough time he can gain a majority of the checks and counters that Bowser’s army has, and gain immunity from them as a result (albeit that likely came too late for it to influence the result of the Death Battle).

Sage, due to being part of the EggNet/Cyerbspace, can only be checked by the Dream Stone and King Boo, meaning she’ll become a top priority to deal with by the end of the battle. Piloting Supreme ironically makes her more vulnerable, given that if Supreme is destroyed while she’s piloting it she’ll die too.

Bowser’s computer brain is the only true method Bowser has to deal with the modified Phantom Ruby’s memory manipulation, and he’ll need to get rid of it as soon as possible if he doesn’t want his allies turning against him.

Supreme is the most dangerous of the raw power weapons on Eggman’s army, as it came in pre-charged and doesn’t need continued use of the Chaos Emeralds unless it were to get its power drained, and is invulnerable to conventional damage.

Altogether, the sheer volume of weapons plus the fact that every single one of them has the potential to be stopped in its tracks with the right set up means that ultimately this duel is going to come down to a quick draw – who can pull off a broken win condition first. Which, of course, means that stats is the next most important factor to bring up.

And I’ll be bringing out stats twice for each side, a calculated finite value, and their absolute peak.

Power:

Bowser (base):

Finite: 2.28012318407×10^108 Foe – Can defeat Culex, who claimed – after gaining a 3rd dimensional form – to be capable of destroying all of time and space. Assuming this would destroy the entire universe at every single moment in time down to the Planck time, and assuming the universe is as old as ours from Big Bang to present, this is the value required to destroy the universe. Mario (and by proxy Bowser) has gotten stronger since then.

Peak: Infinite – could defeat Culex, who claimed to be capable of destroying all of time and space.

Power Stars & Grand Stars:

Finite: 8.05115087719×10^50 Foe – 284 Power Stars/Grand Stars, with one possessing enough power to destroy the universe. Likely lower, as Power Stars are weaker than Grand Stars.

Peak: Infinite – unspecified boost from every single Power Star and Grand Star.

Pure Hearts

Finite: 2.28012318407×10^108 Foe – their amp allowed Bowser to defeat foes amplified by the Chaos Heart – which is strong enough to destroy the entire space-time of a universe (same as the Culex finite feat). Much higher to an unquantifiable degree, as every universe should bring back a roughly equivalent value.

Peak: Infinite multiverse – could threaten the entire Mario multiverse.

Eggman (base mechs):

Finite: 1.4125×10^48 Foe – can fight with Sonic, who while weakened could defeat the Erazor Djinn empowered by half of the World of the Arabian Nights, which should be comparable to a universe given it resembles Earth and has stars. Sonic has gotten stronger since then, and Eggman constantly upgrades his machines to match.

Peak: Infinite/2 – the World of the Arabian Nights includes an infinitely sized location, which should make the whole universe infinite in size.

Chaos Emeralds:

Finite: 2.28012318407×10^108 Foe – Solaris could destroy the entire space-time of a universe (same as the finite Culex feat). Much higher to an unquantifiable degree, as every universe should bring back a roughly equivalent value.

Peak: Infinite 4th dimensional multiverse – Solaris could threaten the entire Sonic multiverse (Maginaryworld is explicitly confirmed to be 4th dimensional, and when the (weaker) Paradox Prism shattered Sonic’s prime universe into the Shatterverse, it was divided into multiple universe sized spaces with separate space-times and ended with restoring the original universe within the Shatterverse, suggesting that a universe is a higher dimensional construct housing one or more 3rd dimensional spaces within).

Now that was power, and as you can see who’s stronger depends on whether we’re using finite values or infinite values (Bowser handily taking the advantage in the prior category, Eggman taking the advantage in the latter). But as I said before, raw power is not important in this fight, and merely a bullet point on the list of ways they could win.

The real important stat is speed, and well...

Speed:

Bowser:

Finite: 24,450,000,000,000,000 C (24.45 quadrillion times the speed of light) – Mario flew to the trial galaxies – located at the edge of the universe with a launch star (and back with a Power Star), and can react at these speeds (as evidenced by landing on his feet and picking up star bits on the way) – given this happens before Mario rescues Peach from Bowser, each trip should take no more than 6 hours to make, but I’ll be generous and claim it took 1 minute.

I know Death Battle claimed this trip took 3 seconds, but there’s a loading screen both to and from the Trial Galaxies, and when the loading screen ends Mario is already back at the observatory – and the trip to the galaxy features a menu while Mario is flying at high speeds (as evidenced by the moving speed lines), which doesn’t have any time limit to the player selecting the Star, making the true time frame hard to accurately verify.

Peak: 24,450,000,000,000,000 C (24.45 quadrillion times the speed of light) – Mario flew to the trial galaxies – located at the edge of the universe with a launch star (and back with a Power Star), and can react at these speeds (as evidenced by landing on his feet and picking up star bits on the way).

Eggman:

Finite: 48,900,000,000,000,000 C (48.9 quadrillion times the speed of light) – Time Eater erased the entire universe in seconds. Even though we see Shadow sent to White Space in the time it took to raise his hands, and Sonic’s chilli dog landed back in his hand instead of landing on the ground after he defeated the Time Eater, I’ll be strict and assume a 30 second time span. Eggman was piloting the Time Eater, and Classic Sonic and Shadow could each react to this feat happening to them, so by all accounts this should scale to Eggman’s reaction time (and the reaction time of his post-Generations machines). In addition, later in Frontiers base Sonic could react to the Titans, who are themselves empowered by the Chaos Emeralds.

Peak: Immeasurable – regularly battles Sonic, who could restore areas erased from time by the Time Eater with his raw speed.

… Oh. Even with being generous towards Bowser, and strict towards Eggman, Eggman still ended up faster. You could argue that I could be even more generous towards Bowser, or even more strict towards Eggman – and that’s true – however, the opposite is true as well.

If we treat both these feats as generously as possible Eggman’s speed feat should still be extremely close to Bowser’s, enough to have little relevance, while if we treat both of them as strictly as possible Mario’s half-universal trip has a lot more potential time to cross than Sonic’s chilli dog flight.

All of this, of course, while ignoring the fact that Shadow Generations just provided a better speed feat than before with no ambiguity, showing Time Eater erasing the universe in 12 seconds – and no loading screen, so the timeframe is exact. This likely wouldn’t be added into the voiceover, but would absolutely make it into the analysis & black boxes given information from Mario & Luigi: Brotherhood made it in.

And that’s just talking about the finite values, once we delve into their hypothetical peaks that speed advantage just gets exaggerated, and Eggman just speed blitzes Bowser’s entire army and wins for free.

If we exclusively discuss in terms of finite values then Bowser’s strong enough to one shot anything that isn’t a Super tier in base, but only his Pure Hearts form is strong enough to contend with those Super tiers. This raw power gap would also prompt Eggman to rely on his trump cards far quicker than usual (something he already tends to go for), making an incredibly close match, but ultimately one that Eggman should come out on top for.

This in addition to Sage being able to make millions of calculations in a short time span, whose battle strategy is said by Sage herself to be on focusing on the best method of survival, and whose intelligence surpasses even Eggman’s, thanks to her AI nature and being integrated with the Ancients’ Cyber Space.

Or in other words…

Eggman wins.

Thank you for reading my 3 part response to Death Battle – or at least reading any one of my 3 parts, I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the match-up, and I hope Death Battle going independent means that they can continue to push and evolve the show even further beyond what it’s been this last decade.

Happy independence!

[deepersea]

I think meru should get someone pregnant.

aside from the whole breeding kink thing I just think it’s interesting how he used to be no contact with his family but threw almost everything aside for his dear brother, makes me wonder how much he’d change for a kid and if he’d dote on them just as much. especially if it’s unexpected since I’m sure having a baby would never be in his plans but well, things never go the way he thinks does it -rei

(Someone? Did you mean me? Who said that?)

It’s definitely an interesting thought and to no one’s surprise something I have pondered excessively in the past lol I think there’s two ways this could go: For one, the only somewhat plausible situation I could imagine for a child not being unplanned were quite a few years down the line, once he eventually retires from idol work (it’s a tough job, so I’d assume that would happen within a reasonable age to still have a kid). I don’t think that he’d bring the topic up himself, but if his partner wanted to, I could see him agreeing under those circumstances.

The other (more chaotic) option would be if this happened accidentally. As diligent as he is when it comes to contraception and not doing anything risky, well, sometimes life just happens and when you stick your dick in someone (and come in them), it is something that could very well happen even if precautions make it unlikely. In a scenario where he’s not especially close to the other parent of this child (assuming it happened early on in their relationship or they didn’t officially had one in the first place), I think he definitely at some point has the urge to simply dip (new name, new face, the whole shebang), but (fortunately) his other commitments (that being to his work and Kaname) win out and he doesn’t. It’ll be less of a thing with someone he’s actually close to, but that being said, I think he’d have an existential crisis either way and regardless of whether this was a calculated step in the relationship or not.

Obviously more so in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, but considering his upbringing I picture him as the type of person to mainly not consider having kids because of his own experiences. Like, not only is his dad a bit of a trainwreck, but also after years of not really settling down himself and pretending to be anyone but himself, it’s not a farfetched thought to have that the lingering instability of all that combined doesn’t really make for the best environment for a child / the best conditions to raise one. And like you said, considering how much he cares for Kaname – that being the one family member he kept around by choice – I think he’d be equally concerned for any he’d be involved in conceiving (planned or unplanned). So, when that suddenly is a very real scenario he has to deal with, he freaks out (a little or a lot).

That being said, once he gets over his anxiety of being terrible at it (because realistically he has no clue what he’s supposed to do. Random HC that he buys every pregnancy and parenting book he can get his hands on to cope lol), I think he’d actually be quite good at being a father? Like, he’s definitely responsible and invested enough, and once he gets a little bit of practice in, the awkwardness from never really interacting with kids also dwindles quickly. You can bet that kid would be doted on lol Maybe not spoilt exactly, but very well cared for. Might to some degree be him compensating for failing to do anything of the sort for his brother. Also, imagine that child looking anything like Kaname. It’s instant game over for him. He can’t say no to that face. I can see him initially being concerned that he simply wouldn’t “care enough” about his kid, especially if he didn’t have the time beforehand to contemplate whether it’s something he wants (eventually). I think he’s too inclined to consider himself far more detached from things than he actually is, so I doubt that worry lingers for longer than when he actually meets them though. So yeah, I think while it starts out with a lot of panic, he’s more than adaptable enough to grow into being a decent parent.

I could go on and on about this lol (There’s a whole ass sequel to my Meru series living rent free in my head with this theme precisely lmao) But I will leave it there for now. Thanks for the thoughts, Rei.

[ipsen]

vtuber au snippet: kanae and eto

this is the vtuber au, i swear.

The black suits left after Aogiri appeared, led by one calling themselves the Owl. Cloaked in dark purples and wearing a terrifying mask, they and their fellows swept away any stragglers, then turned to the fallen, securing the area.

"Find anyone moving and get them up and underground," the Owl commanded in a deep, modulated voice. "Leave the rest."

With Master Shuu incapacitated, it was up to Kanae to speak up, even if his diaphragm screamed in protest. "L-Leave--?! No, you can't--!"

The Owl turned to him suddenly and tilted their head. "Oh. A survivor. You're welcome, by the way, for arriving when we did. You weren't going to win."

Kanae grit his teeth. "We were simply caught off guard."

"You were outmanned and outgunned. Your lack of preparation only worsened the results." The Owl came a bit closer, and each step was like ice cracking under pressure. "Has the Tsukiyama family always been so careless?"

Silence.

"If you answer, I'll reward you with these." They held up a desperately needed roll of bandages. "As an outsider to the situation, I would like to hear your opinion... Kanae."

His gaze shot up. "How do you--"

"I make it a policy to know who I'm working with." He couldn't see it, but he felt the Owl's smile. "Information is the most valuable thing in this trade, more than any weapon."

Much of the Aogiri grunts had cleared out, and the remaining ones, seeing the Owl attending Kanae, left them as well.

"I do not have time for this," Kanae said, struggling to get up. "Where are you taking Master Shuu? I must be at his side..."

"In your condition? I think not." The Owl grabbed his shoulder and sat him down. "It's a simple trade with a simple answer, Rosewald."

They even knew about that? How? When? Had the information leaked somehow?

"The factory must have been a terrible sight that day." They stood in front of him, looking down. "A simple visit, only to be slaughtered behind the gates... Do you know why that happened?"

"I have no need to answer to you, you filthy vogel."

"My, my— I just saved your life, and that's how I'm repaid? Touching." The Owl giggled and put the bandages away. "It's because you were weak. Your family was weak."

"You’re wrong..."

"Am I? When people are unhappy, they turn to their perceived betters. They ask for help, and blame them when it doesn't work. And you were considered 'better', weren't you? Your father and mother had taken up the helm of leader when your grandparents passed, as if it was their responsibility to look after blood."

"You stop this instant...!" But Kanae felt the pain from his wound start anew, and he was cut off.

"Do you know the phrase, 'blood is thicker than water'? It's meant to denote that one should look after their blood relatives because others are just that: other. They are not important. They do not matter. Not when compared to your biology. The circumstances under which you were born. It’s a phrase that says the things in life you cannot control are most important one.

"I've always hated it, and you should too. Your parents abandoned you, so why are you trying to salvage their legacy?"

"Y-You're wrong." Kanae prided himself on his family name. The sacrifice his parents and siblings had made for him. They wanted him to live; he refused to deny their last request. "They didn't... I wasn’t—"

"They did. And you were. If they truly loved you, they would have cared to give you a better life. They would have run things better, made the workers happier. The fire of a rebellion cannot be staked and maintained without wood or oxygen, and yet here you are, a quarter of a way across the world, running around where you don't belong."

"Shut up!" With what remained of his strength, Kanae lunged, only for the Owl to sidestep and for him to eat dirt.

They laughed. "The full phrase is 'blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Much better, see? Skill trumps talent. Our deeds matter more than our circumstances. It’s our choices that make us who we are.

"So let's see those choices, shall we? Your family, your blood, decided that running their company poorly was the most important thing. More than their own survival. More than you. In so choosing that path, they created the very situation leading to you coming here, in this alley, with a wound in your stomach and half the Tsukiyama family servants slaughtered.”

”Stop it, stop it!” Kanae shouted, but his voice grew weaker. “They were noble… and, and…!”

“And fixated on profit. Yes, how noble. The end point of capitalism, where lives, even yours, are just another thing to be traded and risked— like shareholders and their precious stocks. Disgusting, don’t you think?” The Owl trotted over to him, hovering just behind him as he lay on the asphalt. “Your parents gambled with your life against your will, whether you like it or not. So stop looking at the rosy water and face the truth—"

They reached down and grabbed a fistful of his hair, yanking him up and making him gasp. They whispered in his ear as tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Your parents didn't love you."

—

After seeing to Kanae and the rest of the survivors’ wounds and transportation, Eto shed her disguise and returned to Kaneki’s apartment through the window (she said Kaneki’s because it was just a temporary arrangement; she couldn’t keep risking his life like this). It was late enough that he should be asleep, and she didn’t want to wake him unnecessarily.

She crept into the spare bedroom and stuffed the Owl into the corner before closing the door. On the opposite wall, on the stand with her computer, Papa’s head watched her, reminded her of her chosen path. Despite that, she leaned against the door and sank down, holding her head in her hands. She trembled as her speech about blood and water drowned her brain and spilled into her stomach, weighing her down with nausea.

”What’s wrong with me…?” she whispered, as if anyone would hear.

[dbgdbw]

241.Designated Administrator-ssi (1)

전용 관리자 씨 (1)

“So it seems he’s yet to truly perish, after all.”

Golden eyes narrowed into slits. Han Yoohyun’s ki had transformed entirely. That he was exhausted and afflicted with wounds hadn’t changed; but his gaze, which had been wavering like something swept out to sea, had settled into tranquil stillness.

If Alpha had also managed to catch on to the fact Han Yoojin hadn’t died yet–how might he have known, then. Sigma smiled. While pretending to have perished, what might he be up to.

“Surely you’re aware that you stand no odds of winning. I suggest that you surrender quietly.”

His chain, scattering fine tendrils of electricity, wove lazily through the air like a snake, completely blocking off the runway. Despite having recovered some mana, owing to the meager amount that was restored, attempting to flee by breaking through the walls would prove too strenuous a task in Han Yoohyun’s current condition. It wouldn’t have been impossible, but it would require a significant amount of time, and it wasn’t likely that Sigma would sit back and watch while it happened.

With that being said–attempting to fight him head-on would be nothing but a waste of the scant amount of mana he’d been able to recover.

“If you continue wasting time like this, you’ll simply end up chained down by Achates once more, Alpha.”

As Alpha seemed to be oblivious to the current state of affairs in the Achates Defense Administration, Sigma wove into his approach a threat and an invitation both. If possible, he wanted to collect the two in pristine condition. So long as Alpha obediently followed along, he could stage it as an accidental kill that had happened, while trying to subdue him after he’d been released by the Resistance.

If he was able to tie Alpha down with a suitable contract, what would the C-rank’s response be. When he realized that the one he’d been endeavoring so to save, had fallen into Sigma’s hands.

He was certain that, this time as well, things would prove entertaining beyond expectation.

“If you should contract with me, I’ll ensure both of you will be safely protected. I suggest you accept these terms before those handlers who are linked with your Mark return. I can promise treatment far better than the Achates Defense Association, at least.”

One wrong move, and that corpse you’re cradling with such care, too, will be hard-pressed to stay safe. At Sigma’s entreatment to make the wise choice, Han Yoohyun’s eyes narrowed slightly. It was true that the amount of mana he’d managed to recover was small in volume. Just as that man had said, there was no way for him to escape from this place on his own.

That is, if he’d been on his own.

Han Yoohyun concentrated on the tugging sensation he’d felt, ever since his mana had recovered. He had been wondering, where it had gone off to. And then, in lieu of an answer to Sigma’s offer.

“Irin.”

He summoned his elemental spirit. With a flicker of fire-sparks, a small crimson salamander appeared, suspended in the air. As its body expanded in the blink of an eye, it transformed into a small dragon–no, an imugi(1) that had spurned ascension into transcendence. The hornless dragon(2), cobalt blossoms of fire clutched in its four claws, twisted its body around its owner in a long motion, as though in protection–then.

콰앙!

With the end of a tail wreathed in flickering flames, brought it crashing down against the wall. It wasn’t that it had been broken through. It had been melted down. In the blink of an eye, an opening with plenty of room for two people to squeeze through appeared in the wall, which had stood durable beyond comparison.

At nearly the same instant Han Yoohyun pulled his body through the hole.

쿠르르릉!

Alongside the chains that surged forward, golden streaks of lightning flashed. The torrential flow of electricity struck down at the place where Han Yoohyun had stood, and spilled through beyond the wall. As though all of his attacks up to now had merely been child’s play, the floor on both sides was scorched black; a yawning crack split one side of the wall until, finally, 와르르, it crumbled down in a pile.

Though the destructive force of light had relentlessly pushed forward in an effort to pin down Han Yoohyun, seemingly going so far as to stop only just shy of killing him, enough to leave a long trail of devastation in its wake down the corridor.

“Blast.”

All Sigma’s attack had accomplished was the futile destruction of the corridor and wall. He gazed out towards the hole that had appeared in the ceiling, right outside the wall.

He’d assumed that he would immediately follow the corridor down towards the location of the Mana Hole, as a given. However, instead of rushing forward, Han Yoohyun had moved to the floor above. As his battle foresight was limited to instances of direct combat, to an extent, it was ineffectual when it came to predicting the movements of someone who fled, while refusing to engage in combat to begin with. If he’d been capable of anticipating such, then rather than being something related to battle, it would be closer to simple divination.

In any case, it had been a mistake. And an irreversible one, at that.

‘What shall I do.’

Alpha would have already breached the perimeter of the Mana Hole. The results of a fight between a Guard with their Mana Hole right behind them, against a Guard of equal rank, affiliated to an outside Mana Hole, were as good as already decided, but.

Without prolonged deliberation, Sigma began walking. At the very least, he intended to witness the scene of the C-rank’s resurrection with his own two eyes.

터엉, the door that had been sealed closed splintered open, folding outwards, creating a wide opening. In front of the bluish glow of the Hole, stood Han Yoohyun. The hornless dragon had reverted back to a small salamander and perched on top of his shoulder. With his hyung still firmly nestled in his arms, Han Yoohyun met Sigma’s gaze with his own.

“Didn’t think you’d follow me all the way here.”

“I have something I’m still owed from that party, you see.”

As Sigma indicated Han Yoojin, Han Yoohyun’s gaze on him narrowed. Suddenly, the thought occurred to him, that the other seemed to bear a resemblance to Sung Hyunjae.

“You’ll never lay a finger on him, you bastard, so don’t even dream of it.”

As accompaniment to cold words, tongues of flame surged forth. Fire–a combination of charcoal and navy–filled the surroundings in an instant. With the Mana Hole right behind him, freed from the shackles of mana depletion, Han Yoohyun called forth an endless wave of blossoming flames.

Simultaneously–a bolt of thunder came crashing down. Rather than resorting to flimsy defensive or evasive maneuvers, they clashed together in a head-on contest of strength. Sweeping through like a tornado, blue-black flames twisted around golden currents of electricity.

쿠그그그–!

The surroundings trembled, and the ceiling and floor both burst open in tandem. As it was set aflame, melted, and shattered–even the reinforced structure, which held access to the endless power of the Mana Hole, began to warp out of place.

투두둑, the ceiling, located at the furthest point from the Mana Hole in relation to the floor, began to crumble altogether. Immediately afterwards, the twister of flames and lightning surged outwards and above. With the space overhead already punched open, shockwaves began to spread throughout the entire building.

“It seems set to collapse soon.”

Sigma, having stepped onto his chains in order to avoid the melting floor, spoke with a smile. And just as he’d said; the Achates Defense Administration building proved unable to withstand the continual string of destructive impact. The twenty-something floor structure rapidly began to sink. Like this, they would end up being buried alive without any recourse–but.

- I’ll clean that up!

With a chipper cry, Irin took to the form of a crimson hornless dragon once more, and surged heavenwards. As he flew up in a straight path through the center of the building, blue lights(3) flitted into existence before detonating. The upper levels of the building–in what surpassed ‘melting’, into ‘evaporation’–were dispersed into fine rubble, and scattered into the atmosphere like rain.

Outside of the underground levels, the building itself had disappeared altogether. The crowd that had escaped during the initial bomb threats, as well as the ones who had panicked and fled when the building began to shake, stood intermingled and spectated the sight with dumbfounded eyes.

Beneath the exposed night sky, dark blue flames pressed onwards in expansion of its territory without flagging in momentum. Lightning leapt upwards once more, but the limitations of the mana that comprised it was clear. Between Han Yoohyun, who had the Mana Hole behind him, and Sigma, who lacked the same, existed a yawning chasm that could be compared to the difference between the fathomless ocean and a restricted lake.

화르륵!

Finally, Sigma was forced to retreat as the flames began to lick at even his soles. Before such overwhelming firepower(4), none of the Skills he possessed, nor his experience, amounted to anything. It was precisely as he’d envisioned; still, the smile that played on Sigma’s face exuded faint bitterness.

It was at that moment. From the body nestled in Han Yoohyun’s arms, a faint exhale issued, and.

“...Yoohyun-ah.”

“...Hyung?”

- Hyung!

Han Yoojin opened his eyes.

***

When my eyes opened, what came into view was a dark and unfamiliar space. Following the fleeting sense of bemusement that stemmed from being confronted with an empty room, devoid of anything, my heart abruptly dropped in my chest.

“Yoohyun-ah!”

Even before my mind could process the situation, my hands had begun to tremble violently. And shortly thereafter, as though I’d had ice water poured over me, my entire body became wracked by chills as well.

What the hell. While I’d requested for a delay, that had been so that I’d be allowed to choose my respawn time myself. So why didn’t I see anything like an option menu, and why had I ended up isolated in this sort of place.

Perhaps–could it be that, outside, the flow of time was still moving. And Yoohyunie was.

“Goddammit–Newcomer! Volleyball! Willson!”

I’d planned on reviving immediately. As soon as I died, without missing a beat. Quickly enough that, instead of thinking I’d died, Yoohyunie would be able to mistake it as a brief loss of consciousness.

Though I hadn’t planned on dying in front of my dongsaeng in the first place–and, even if Yoohyunie had known about my multiple lives, I would’ve tried to avoid dying right in front of him to the best of my abilities; I’d assumed it would be alright, since even if things went sideways, I’d be able to resurrect myself immediately.

But then, this had, for some reason.

“I’m telling you to revive me! Right now!”

I shouted, my voice hoarse; but there was no reply. Anxiety festered, charcoal black, in my heart. My breath caught. Please–this place had to have its time stopped, or at least significantly slowed. How Yoohyunie might be faring, what kind of emotional condition he might be in–it terrified me to imagine.

But he should still know that this wasn’t a real world, right? …if he happened to be unaware. If, because he’d overloaded as soon as he’d landed here, he hadn’t even been able to receive the System’s message as he should have. Shit, but he needed that info. Newcomer-ah, please.

“Isn’t anyone there?! Someone, come on!”

Whether myself, or my dongsaeng, please. Hoping for anything to appear, I searched my surroundings. Even though there was nothing, I fumbled through the empty air. The longer futile minutes ticked by, the greater my anxiousness grew. I hadn’t realized it, but at one point, tears had begun dripping from my eyes.

I should’ve just asked them to let me revive immediately, instead of wanting something like a delayed timer. No–I should’ve taken greater care to watch my surroundings to begin with, while saving my dongsaeng. The moment the alert window had popped up, I should’ve at least used a defensive Skill to–…the alert window.

‘...Sung Hyunjae.’

I’d briefly forgotten about him. It wasn’t the Newcomer, right now. The person currently managing the System was.

“Sung Hyunjae!”

Immediately following the shout.

탁

A screen blinked on. Inside the glow of the screen, Yoohyunie had appeared. This dongsaeng, who clutched my corpse close. A face streaked with tears, and a wounded shoulder. While wearing an expression that seemed as though he were verging on death himself, struggling to keep me from slipping away till the end–that Han Yoohyun.

My head was devoid of any thoughts. There was only the disconcerting sensation, of blood draining away from me; and as all of my strength fled, simultaneously, someone caught hold of me as my body began to collapse.

[ You must center yourself. ]

“...right, ughk, n, -ow.”

The words, to have him send me back, wouldn’t come out properly. For a moment, all I could do was desperately gasp for breath. I felt the sensation of a hand patting my back.

[ The young master is holding on, still. As I cannot interfere, it’ll be up to you, Han Yoojin, lad, to do something. Come now, hurry. ]

Another window appeared before my eyes. There was even a keyboard, to compose a message. I forced my trembling hands into motion. My dongsaeng, Yoohyun-ah.

- Yoohyun-ah.

The message was sent; inside the screen, my dongsaeng’s eyes grew wide. In dark, tear-stained eyes, light returned. My heart, which had been crushed, finally regained vitality as well.

- Hyung’s here.

My hands’ movements grew a bit faster. The tremors began to subside. He was alright. My dongsaeng was okay. He was going to be fine. After quickly sending another message, right on the heels of the last.

“Quests, how do I send quests?! He needs to be able to recover his mana at least a little bit in order to hold out! A mana potion–no, since he won’t have the time to drink it, if it’s just awarded like that, instant auto-recovery as the reward!”

[ If you opt to send a quest, it’s likely that you’ll be prevented from sending any further messages. It’s akin to a monthly quota, you see. ]

“That’s fine, so quickly, please!”

Even if no more messages came from myself, Yoohyunie would be able to wait. I was certain, having seen the way my dongsaeng’s expression had become reanimated. He was alright, he was okay. It seemed like he was doing better than I was, even. Genuinely, it seemed.

A hand clad a white glove stretched out from behind me. After tapping on something for a moment, a quest window appeared.

[ Write out the quest title–keep the general contents succinct, but quantify the reward in detail. ]

“No time to spare on a lengthy transcription, anyway, sir.”

With the retort, I quickly sent the quest. Inside the screen, a quest window popped up.

[ Please Protect Me

Until Han Yoojin is able to resurrect, let’s try to stay safe and sound! With a formidable foe as your opponent, please guard Han Yoojin’s body for five minutes＾▽＾

Reward: Minimal mana auto-recovery ]

“...what’s with the emoticon, sir. I don’t recall putting down anything of the sort.”

[ It’s a beginner’s setting, you see. ]

The hell was he saying. On top of that, the tone of the contents had changed, too.

[ With greater familiarity, it becomes possible to employ different approaches. It appears the young master has successfully recovered. You have my congratulations. ]

Inside the screen, Yoohyunie had stood up. The flames that bloomed to block Sigma’s way wer… Huh? The color of the flames shifted. What had been black grew clearer in hue, until a cerulean gleam streamed through. …was it because he was in Alpha’s body? Sigma, that bastard, had begun smooth-talking Yoohyunie. Though, considering the situation at hand, it did seem like choosing to cooperate would be the better option.

“But, when will I be able to revive?”

[ You are currently endeavoring to recover your consciousness, first. ]

“My consciousness?”

[ At present, young Han Yoojin has been rendered unconscious from the shock of sustaining a mortal wound. In order to revive, you would have to press the confirmation button–an impossible feat, so long as you remain comatose. ]

“You’ve a very thorough comprehension, sir.”

[ ...I only realized a moment ago as well, after investigation. ]

For some reason, he almost sounded despondent. In the interim, Yoohyunie had summoned Irin. The crimson salamander suddenly grew in size, and… What was that.

“...Rin-ah?”

T-that, too, was that the result of being dropped onto a different world? Had Irin inhabited the body of a dragon, or something… Yoohyunie, that guy, how was he so unfazed. Weren’t you shocked. With Rinie’s help, Yoohyunie managed to safely escape, and arrived at the Mana Hole. Now, I could finally afford to relax. Within proximity of the Mana Hole, there was no way he would lose to Sigma.

“In any case, thank you for your assistance, Sung Hyunjae-ssi sir. That Newcomer, he should’ve mentioned this kind of thing in advance……. But, how did this end up happening, sir? How are you able to use the syste–”

I turned around. A familiar overcoat came into view. And then, a face–.

“Aack!”

Hot pink yarn! In the place where the head should have been, a giant lump of yarn was floating instead. Horrified, I shoved the body away on reflex. As the overcoat and gloves flopped lifelessly down to the floor, the ball of yarn rolled away for a distance before 퉁, bouncing back up.

[ How uncalled for. ]

“W-w-what’s! Up with that appearance, sir!”

[ As it’s not my true body, there’s no need for concern. ]

“I’ll have you know that I’ve zero concern for you, though, sir?”

^^ –the ball of yarn smiled. Was there a rule that the System Administrators needed to take on the shape of a round object, or something. Don’t wave the end of your skein at me. Don’t try to act cute, in your state.

-----

(1) 이무기 (imugi)

https://namu.wiki/w/이무기

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_dragon

https://korean.dict.naver.com/koendict/#/entry/koen/d56db2f35d6b4d2099876f49bb674592

(2) 이룡 (螭龍): 뿔없는 용 이

전설상의 동물로 뿔이 없는 용. 어떤 저주에 의하여 용이 되지 못하고 물속에 산다는, 여러 해 묵은 큰 구렁이를 이른다.

(3) 린(燐): 도깨비불 린 → ignis fatuus, aka ‘wills-’o-the-wisp’

(4) 화력 (火力), lit. ‘fire’+’strength/force/power’; 불이 탈 때에 내는 열의 힘

return of foster dad shj + parallels b/w irin being an imugi ‘that had spurned ascension’, and yh’s ‘but han yoohyun held fast against that last opportunity to return to his original nature’... :’)

[hjohn3]

The “Loveless Landslide”

Labour’s Conditional Win

Source: Automatic Knowledge

By Honest John

IT WAS a landslide all right, but was it a “loveless” one, a phrase heard almost instantly amongst predominantly right wing commentators following Labour’s huge General Election win last Thursday? On first analysis, that assessment would seem fair. With a 172 seat majority, Labour achieved one of the biggest electoral wins in U.K. history on 4th July, beaten only by the National Government’s win in 1931 and Labour’s own totemic triumph in 1997. The Conservatives tumbled to their lowest number of seats in the party’s history and the SNP was banished once again to its Highland fastnessess, a shadow of its former self, as Labour secured revenge for the humiliation of 2015. However this position of unassailable political power was achieved with less than 34% of the vote and on a less than 60% turnout. This enabled Labour’s critics on both left and right to establish an immediate de-legitimising narrative, pointing out the result bore out the lack of enthusiasm for Labour encountered on the doorstep, and claiming that Labour’s inability to even meet the 40% threshold, normally achieved as a minimum vote share by the winning party, was due either to Labour timidity in its policy offer, or deep voter antipathy to Keir Starmer and his team. But how fair is this instant, and partisan, analysis?

The result certainly demonstrated the brutality of the First Past The Post (FPTP) electoral system. This system, which has so often favoured the Conservatives, this time virtually destroyed them, thanks to the entry of Reform U.K. as a viable voting option on the right, and a carefully targeted Liberal Democrat campaign, aimed at knocking down as much of the southern “blue wall” as possible. Any democrat however should feel queasy at an outcome that saw Reform win 5 seats with four million votes and the Liberal Democrats win 72 (the highest Liberal seat haul since 1923) on 3.5m. If a party’s vote is evenly distributed in decent numbers across the U.K. constituencies, then huge majorities under FPTP are possible. Right wing commentators were noticeably silent on the drawbacks of FPTP in the 1980s when Margaret Thatcher won three figure majorities in 1983 and 1987 when the left of centre vote was split between Labour and the Social Democratic/Liberal Alliance. The democratic case for Proportional Representation is strong, but it is hard to take the new Tory converts to the cause seriously.

There are counter arguments to the “loveless” account. The truth of the matter is that two party politics, despite the long-stated contention to the contrary, has not existed for some time in the U.K. This began with the rise of the revival of the Liberals first in their Alliance incarnation with the Labour breakaway Social Democratic Party, and then after merger with the SDP, as the Liberal Democrats. The “Lib Dems” quickly became a viable voting alternative for voters on both the left and the right, and Britain has effectively had at least three-party politics for over forty years. From the 2000s onwards, the growth of nationalist sentiment in the U.K. has seen the dominance of Scottish politics by the Scottish National Party and a solid presence of the nationalist Plaid Cmyru in Wales. It has also seen the emergence of the Farage vehicles, UKIP, the Brexit Party and, most significantly in this election, Reform U.K. , indicating the lure of English nationalism to many voters. Therefore, in many constituencies, contests have been between three, four or even five, viable voting options. When Labour’s self-inflicted woes over Gaza and imposed candidates that resulted in the generation of effective independent challenges (most notably Jeremy Corbyn in Islington North), is added into the mix, the situation became even more complicated.

Therefore, in these circumstances, a vote percentage of 33.7% can actually be viewed as a good score, given the number of alternative options for voters to choose. Into this situation should be factored tactical voting. The Conservatives lost 224 seats, their most calamitous reduction in Parliamentary representation in one fell swoop in the party’s history. This spoke to a determination of voters across the country to unseat Conservative MPs. The 61 Liberal Democrat gains were achieved exclusively at the expense of the Tories, as were the seats won by Reform; Labour’s losses were solely to leftist independents or the Greens, who advised the electorate in those seats it was “safe” not to vote Labour as the Conservatives were doomed. The Liberal Democrat surge in the south which has propelled the Tories into political oblivion, was a big factor in the size of the Labour majority; paradoxically the phenomenon also suppressed Labour vote share.

The real takeaway of the 2024 General Election is not that of a grudging and conditional Labour win. Rather, the election demonstrated the determination of the voters to rid the country of the Conservatives after 14 years of dysfunction, broken promises, social vandalism and unwanted right wing ideological experiments masquerading as solutions. The anti-Tory coalition that swept the party away knew full well, whoever they voted for, that the government which would replace that of the Conservatives would be a Labour one. In the case of the Liberals, this acceptance was explicit; in the case of Reform implicit, but that does not make the outcome democratically illegitimate; on the contrary over 76% of those who voted got pretty much exactly what they wanted.

Of course 2024 is not the ringing endorsement of 1945 when the country united behind Labour in order to see the Beveridge proposals implemented; it does not match 1964 (also derided as an unenthusiastic win) when Harold Wilson secured over 44% of the vote, and it does not match the hope and expectation of 1997 (although enthusiasm for Blair has been much exaggerated in retrospect). However, I do believe most of that anti-Tory coalition will have listened to Keir Starmer’s speech outside Downing Street, not with fist-pumping excitement certainly, but perhaps with quiet hope - hope that, in the New Labour phrase, things can indeed only get better, and hope is a precious, if conditional, commodity after the waste and multiple betrayals of the Tory years.

7th July 2024

[niuttuc]

New budget Commander cards: Wilds of Eldraine: Multicolor Adventures

You know these by now, we'll go color by color, mixing main set and commander set. Reprints can be included if they brought the price down under our bar or are otherwise notable. All the cards presented here are under $2 at time of writing Note that the set hasn't officially released yet, so some prices may still be inflated, and others might spike in the future. Cards will be evaluated as part of the 99, not as commanders. This is the first of two multicolor write-ups, focused on the Adventures that act as two color cards in commander.

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Let's start with the dedicated commander for the strategy. She does one thing, and it's Adventures. I'd say if you're a Temur deck dedicated to Adventures, you should play her in the 99, but if you are a Temur deck dedicated to Adventures, she's likely in your command zone already.

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As far as these effects go, a creature that grows from all graveyard for two mana is better than we've ever gotten, and it coming in with mill by itself makes it even better. If you're in Dimir and looking for these kinds of creatures, this is probably near the top of the list for inclusion.

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This kind of creature is pretty underwhelming in commander. However, what is notable here is that the adventure half of this is unique as a spell. There is no other way in the game to distribute X +1/+1 counters as you wish among your creatures for just XG. Some decks definitely will be interested in that, it can get out of hand quite fast, and the Otter is an unblockable place to put counters onto in a pinch.

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Opposite case here, you're mostly gonna be looking at the creature side and ignoring the spell side. Haste AND a buff to all your creatures including itself on etb is quite impactful in any deck that aims to go wide and explode onto the battlefield, and unlike the Bushwhackers that also have that kind of effect, this one has no conditions and can even be blinked to repeat the effect as much as you want. The spell side is pretty bad, but someone somewhere one time will topdeck it late game and spend 8 mana to get 9 hasty damage and that'll win them the game.

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It cycles early, it keeps a presence on the board, and gets some card draw later. It's definitely much worse in commander than in sixty card formats... But still a resilient threat, and something you can sac again and again. Four mana per is a lot, but drawing cards along the way is quite an upside.

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The token anthem that wants you to go wide in selesnya goes in token decks, if you can find slots.

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Those two mana impulse draw twos in red have proven pretty useful for some decks, and having a growing threat on the back makes it essentially a draw three. Quite useful if you have the colors.

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A bad eternal witness, but if you're in Selesnya, I wouldn't look too fast past it. The first half is instant speed, and one mana, which means it can be used on your upkeep to grab anything in your draw step and you'll still have plenty of mana to actually use the card. If you have more mana available, you can play both halves and get it into your hand. It's an etb to draw a card that can be used anyway. If you have selesnya colors, I'd put this maybe in between Eternal Witness and Timeless witness.

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If you want more critical density of flicker effects, one that come with a serra angel is pretty nice! It's definitely no ephemerate, but it being a creature also opens plenty of potential interactions with bounce too, that can be found in these decks in azorius not infrequently.