#This post was written at 2 AM and my ADHD (is or was because I'm not posting this until tomorrow???) was kicking

[arcadiabaytornado]

Some Different Fandom Topics I Could Talk About Forever:

Life Is Strange

1: How Max wants to save Chloe over Arcadia Bay, and how the final choice isn't actually about what Max wants to do. It's about what she feels like she needs to do.

2: How Nathan was developing his own victim MO that was different from Jefferson's.

3: How the storm is coming in the alternative timeline, and how Rachel's parents look for her if she doesn't know Chloe.

4: How William's death is the first butterfly effect that really kicks off the plot of Life Is Strange, and how William's changed not just Chloe, but Max too.

5: How Rachel noticed Chloe before the events of Before The Storm, and how Chloe noticed Rachel.

The Walking Dead Game

1: How Sarah was both neurodivergent and a victim of her Father's overprotective nature, and how she could have had fantastic character growth if the writers weren't so weird about her character being "weak."

2: How David is not actually a (metaphorical) solider, he is a wanderer who can't find peace no matter where he goes.

3: How important it was to the narrative to have Clem lose her leg and have Louis/Violet lose their speech/sight. And how neat it is to see disabilities symbolized as a good thing that represents having a home and a good community.

4: How Lily was completely lost the second she killed Doug/Carly, and how that moment foraged who'd she become in Season 4.

5: How Jane and Kenny are both negative examples of how Clem could have ended up if her trauma consumed her. And how she almost turned into both of them in Season 3 when she lost AJ. (She had the rash explosive temper of Kenny, and the cold survivalist mindset of Jane.)

Telltale's Batman

1: How Bruce and Selina have a fundamental understanding of each other that they may never get with anyone else, yet that's exactly why their relationship never works out.

2: How John stains Bruce's shirt with blood when he hugs him the vigilante route, and how symbolic it is.

3: How John is turned into Joker by Batman in the vigilante route, and turned into Joker by Bruce in the villain route.

4: How if you tell John you weren't his friend then the tragedy of the game is that Bruce never cared, but if you tell John that you were his friend then the tragedy of the game is that Bruce did care.

5: How well Harley Quinn is written in the second game, and how much I loved this interpretation of her.

Arcane

1: How Vi chooses Caitlyn over Jinx at the tea party by trying not to make a choice, and how Jinx chooses Vi over Silco by actively shooting him. (The thing Vi refused to do to Caitlyn.)

2: How Jinx tied everyone down at the tea party so the literally couldn't leave her.

3: How Vi was going to turn herself over to enforcer's to protect her family, and how Vander changed the course of her character development by taking the blame instead.

4: How Silco likely wasn't trying to manipulate Jinx. The way he likely fully believed the things he was saying. The way he fucked Jinx up because, despite doing it unintentionally, he fed into all her worst thoughts about herself by projecting his trauma onto a child.

5: How the weapons each character fights with (Gauntlets for Vi, A hammer for Jayce, a gun for Caitlyn, guns and bombs for Jinx.) represents their personality.

BG3

1: How Astarion's disapproval for a lot of Tav's good actions comes from a place of "Well, a hero never helped me. Why do they get a knight in shining armor when I didn't?" Instead of a place of pure evil. (And how little your approval with him actually goes down when you do something good.)

2: How Lae'zel is actually incredibly kind and open-minded when you meet her, as she takes it on herself to get the party cleansed of the tadpoles even though normally the solution in Gith culture would be to "kill the istiks to stop them from becoming mind flayers."

3: How badly Wyll was robbed in terms of content and autonomy in his story.

4: How thematically fitting it is for a Tav to be a Seldarine Drow.

5: How much happier Shadowheart seems if you save her parents, even if it means her soul will be the victim of a tug of war between two God's in the afterlife.

Supernatural (Full disclosure, I've only watched to Season 7 Episode 10 so far.)

1: The way neither brother could have ever fully left the hunting life if the other one was in. They both had to be all the way out to have a chance of an "apple pie" life. (I'm a full believer that Stanford! Sam would have gotten drug back into the life eventually, even if John had never gone missing and fate hadn't intervened.)

2: How much wasted potential Bela and Agent Henriksen had.

3: How Sam was always going to forgive John, and Dean was always going to resent him. (Sam's heart is often torturously kind even when it bleeds him dry, and Dean always wanted to be so much more than the weapon John tried to forge.)

4: How Madison was the first love interest who truly had a chance of understanding Sam, and how Cas was the first love interest to fully understand Dean.

5: How Bobby didn't try to have Karen go with him to find the door to his worst memory, he had Rufus go with him instead.

[copperbadge]

Royals/Ramblers is DONE. I split the difference and made two epilogues from the five, and one of them just looks like it's part of another chapter. I am devious in my ways.

I'm letting it marinate for the rest of the day; I'll give it a quick pass tomorrow, then let go of it for a few days so when I come back I'll be ready for slightly deeper editing. Aiming to post it perhaps October or November, we'll see how life goes.

It meant I could finalize a lot of dates in the timeline that I've been building. I've had to shift some things around, so now the trick is to figure out timing for the stories now in the pipeline, based on my notes. There's ten, more or less, and whether I end up writing them all is dubious; it reminds me of plotting out Laocoon's Children, an extremely ambitious task, but unlike Laocoon's Children, I control the canon and I don't have to deal with anyone's stupidity but my own. And I'm really only focused on five of the ten right now. Which, given I wrote four of these books in fifteen months, plus three books' worth (Royals/Ramblers) for a total of "seven" books in less than two years....I guess we'll find out. Might take a break at some point to write something more literary, that's up to the ADHD I think.

Anyway, it's not necessarily the order in which I'd like to write the stories, but I've been holding off on some of these for a year already, they'll keep. I think the slate coming up is:

2023 Autumn - The Football Novel, which is already 2/3 written; it will run through spring 2024.

2024 Spring - The Chicken Salad Wars, Simon's novel, pushed out from this year to next; it has to end in August, because of Plot.

2024 Autumn - The Roman Ruin story, aka Classics Nerds In Love; this has to come relatively soon because it's prior to Jerry finalizing the dissolution of his estate. There's no set ending for this one, but it will likely need to cover at least until late spring 2025.

2025 Spring - The Let's Legalize Psychedelic Davzda story. Not ideal to push this one so far, but it's possible when I get there I could swap it with the Roman Ruin story, though that could make certain plotlines awkward.

2025 Summer - Ofelia's story, which culminates in Galian elections in early fall.

Fortunately most of them should be less work and words than Royals/Ramblers, which is a bit of a sweeping familial epic. Those five are all more-or-less unrelated to the royals directly.

The rest of them are either barely conceptions or can be set at any time (like the Quaker Whaler novel that happens in the past anyway). Which is kind of nice; I now have both a specific agenda for the immediate future and resources that I can build out once I get closer to the end of that agenda.

Phew. What a ride, and I'm still in the middle of it.

(I'd post a bit of story from Royals/Ramblers but for the last 4-5 chapters it's all spoilery.)

[allthatmay]

I am finally coming out of my writing slump, and you have no idea how excited I am to write up some of these ideas. Here's everything I have in the works at the moment—no promises on when they'll be ready!

The Colour of Hibiscus—ShanksAce ongoing fic, seven chapters, 32K and counting. Chapter 4 is almost complete! "5 times Ace finds Shanks, and one time Shanks finds Ace."

The First Mate—BennAce oneshot. This was originally a prompt ("BennAce fisting & emotional catharsis") but it's going to be a bit longer than my usual prompt fics! This is the first thing I'm hoping to post after CH4 of TCoH.

Money Honey—ShanksAce sugar baby fic. I have a full outline for this fic but no idea how long it will be! "When Izou suggests becoming a sugar baby, Ace doesn't think he's really going to go through with it. That is, until he stumbles upon the profile of one Shanks Silvers, Luffy's beloved role-model and Ace's teenage crush…"

The North Wind—NamiVivi oneshot. Based off Egyptian love poetry. Otherwise known as 'that fic where I try to make fish sexy.' "Vivi decides it's time to make her move—the Alabastan way."

The Princess Bride—ShanksAceMihawk fic, probably a two-parter. Based on the Princess Bride. "Mihawk and the Cross Guild are hired to kidnap Ace, the chosen bride of the prince, but their plans are scuppered when Dread Pirate Rogers seeks to save him."

Background Stuff (this is stuff I've put on the backburner while I work on the fics mentioned above):

Damned If I Do Ya—AceSanji oneshot. Based off that one scene in Alabasta. Need I say more?

Dead On Arrival—ShanksAce vampire fic. Unknown length as of right now. "Shanks finds a newbie vampire, Ace, and tries to help him accept his nature."

Kingdom Come—ShanksAce non-con oneshot (because I had to try writing one at least once!) "Shanks returns to reclaim the throne he was denied."

The Fine Print—ShanksAce office oneshot. "After being injured in his last line of work, Ace is hired as the assistant to a hotshot defence lawyer. If only he'd read the contract properly..."

Only now I've written all this down am I like, "Wow. You're crazy. Why the fuck are you writing so much at once?" Listen, comrades, it's the ADHD. I can't stop. This list isn't even exhaustive. I have a Shadowzel fic in the works for a friend, alongside 2 LawLu fics that I don't know if I'll ever finish...

Time to beat my head against the keyboard!

[tears-grow-gardens]

TW- ed rant

This is my first ever tumblr post. Normally I'm just a wall flower, sitting quietly in the tumblr corner reading other peoples posts and thoughts hoping to feel less alone in my own mind. I'm not even sure what I want to say but for the past 4 years I have struggled with my eating, some days are really bad and other days it's just like an itch, like I know all the rules, fear and guilt that has stained me but I feel stronger not to let it win. 2-3 years ago I was at my worst, I was in my 3rd year of University, I had lost all hope and drive in my life and I let everything crumble through my fingers, I was failing classes, isolating from everyone, loosing sight of my dreams and what mattered to me. I don't know who was holding the wheel to my life but I felt I had lost control with all of it. I didn't know how to change or help myself, I was so tired of always feeling like a failure to myself and everyone around me. I had been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long and serious case of undiagnosed ADHD and all these feeling felt so permanent, like they would never go away, so I turned to something I felt I could control, which was food. There was nothing I hated more in the world than myself, my body, my face, the way that I believed people saw me. I hated every inch of who I was. I thought that if i could control what went in i would get the results I've always wanted and maybe even get to like the way I look. And the results came, it felt so good to be able to get something right, like for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a complete failure. The feeling of hunger gave me power, how I didn't have to say words to people that I was hurting inside because they could see it from the outside. Wake up, look in the mirror, walk, workout, coffee, walk, coffee, porridge, starve, walk, mirror, bed. This was my life but fortunately or unfortunately I was sniffed out like a rat from one of my house mates who confronted me, it felt like I was standing there naked and exposed with all my secrets written on my skin. After that I felt I had to change, I felt watched and analysed with every move I made. My weight goals put into a box, I tried to make amends with my body and mind but from the years to follow the voices never left my head. Sometimes the voices are merely a whisper and other days the voices are so loud it feels like everyone else can hear them too. Now here I am on tumblr 4 years later writing to say I have relapsed, not that I think I ever recovered but more I was idle with temptation to destroy myself and now I'm back, born again to hack my body to pieces. Ive found myself almost everyday purging in the bathroom, even if its been a normal, healthy meal. I just want to crawl out of my skin and shrink into nothing. I don't want to die and I don't want to live like this but i feel years of rage within me of unnoticed pain that I want to scream to the world and let them know. I have dreams and I want them to exist one day as true but I don't know how I'll ever rid myself of these dark paralysing thoughts. I'm so tired of feeling unloved and lonely, in my 22 years of life I have never known what it is or what it feels like when someone choses to love you. Im so convinced by my own hatred for myself that I believe everyone else sees me the way I do. The toxic thing is, is that I want this for myself, I want the hunger in sanctuary of starving, I want to feel small and fragile and i want people to worry, i want them to say "she's lost weight", while they ponder on how hurt I must be to have lost myself this far.

Anyway enough for one day. idk if anyone reads these long word vomit tumblr posts but thank you if you've read this far and welcome to my fkd up mind.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  fragilecapric0rn! @fragilecapric0rnn has written 22 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 21 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@cheatghost recommends the following works by @fragilecapric0rnn:

It Might Be Worth It For Once

clown music at the disco

you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

Catch Me (I'm Falling)

Anyway, It's About Old Friends

"Sen's body of work is like a truly love letter to the characters. No matter the universe, Steve and Eddie always feel authentic to themselves. Sen's love for classic rom-coms influences a lot of her writing and makes for really romantic, touching stories. It's an absolute delight to dive into a world crafted by this author!" -- @cheatghost

Below the cut, @fragilecapric0rnn answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I think in May of 2022 I was bit by the same bug as everyone else. Before I started writing Steddie, I was on a 4-year fic writing hiatus, and it was like seeing those two interact on screen zapped my brain awake. The chemistry, the potential, the fact that one half of the ship got ripped away from us too soon. All of those components really did something to my brain and I decided I had to write them and I haven’t looked back since!

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a idiots to lovers! These two really have the potential to fit that trope so well!

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Second-chance at romance! If you’ve seen any of my fics, you know that I love and will take any chance to write 90s older steddie, haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, who re-meet and fall in love. It is so them, it is my favorite version of them. It’s the version of them that lives in my head!

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

There are so many good ones to choose from, but I think I have to go with Show Me the Place Where He Inserted the Blade by the incomparable, the magnificently talented and outstanding Cheatghost. Lou, who I am very proud to call a friend, is one of the most talented people I know and I feel very lucky to have had them brought into my life via the Steddie brainrot.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Is it lame if I say no? LOL. Honestly, I have written almost everything I have felt the need to explore with this pairing. A lot of my ideas moving forward are expansions/continuations of ideas that I already started or have posted before. 

What is your writing process like?

Right now it’s at its most unstructured because I am rawdogging life without my ADHD meds for the first time in 7 years, which has been a whirlwind but I am managing. However, it usually depends on the fic I’m writing! For a lot of my longfic, I have a physical notebook that has an outline and major plot points I want to hit at certain times in my stories. Other times, for the shorter fics/one-shots, I just write them all in one go. It starts with a (usually silly) idea, and then I get possessed by the writing demons, and suddenly, I haven’t moved from my chair in 2 hours and I have four thousand words on my screen. I contain multitudes!

Do you have any writing quirks?

I am a victim of the: One word. One phrase. Lin breaks for emphasis. And I will be doing it until someone who is being paid real money to publish one of my original works tells me to knock it off!

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Again, asking if it’s bad if I say neither? When I first started posting fic again, I was very much writing it all and then posting it over the course of a few days. But now, I tend to write sporadically and post even more sporadically. And I prefer the latter! Fanfiction, and fandom in general, is a collaborative experience in its heart and soul. One of my favorite things about longfic is posting a chapter and seeing what people take away from it, because 9/10 it’ll be different then what the writer thinks they’re going to take away! And the chance to change and rework and let yourself be influenced by other fans of the ship is taken away when you write it all at once and post it all at once.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Anyway, It’s About Old Friends. Even in its unfinished form, it is my magnum opus. My white whale. I have done some of my best writing in it (chapter 2 MY BELOVED) and the fact that its so close to the end is both exciting and terrifying. It is a fic I wrote and continue to write for me, and the fact that other people are reading and enjoying it is a win!

How did you get the idea for It Might Be Worth It For Once?

HA! So, I was chatting with my friend Emily (JudasofSuburbia) about a potential Pornstar!Steve AU offhandedly back in the fall. Then, I got paired with them for a little fic exchange between friends, and it felt natural to take that one off little conversation and turn it into a fic for her. It was one of those fics that started out as a silly idea and then suddenly it’s been six hours and I wrote the whole thing in one go! After some polishing and editing, it became a Pornstar!AU with not as much smut as I expected. It was so fun to write, made even more fun as it was for a dear friend.

When writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to change and mold and morph in the way that it did. There is a version of this fic where they do hook-up earlier, there’s a version where they re-meet at gay club and not a wedding, there’s a version where Steve marries a Evie and Eddie is Raul. But, this version feels the most right. It’s a story about heartbreak, about finding love (in all it forms) in unexpected places, and it’s about found family most of all. All of that was stumbled on accidentally! My only intention was to write a Steddie-fied When Harry Met Sally fic, and accidentally flashed my heart and soul. Whoops!

What inspired clown music at the disco?

I used to be an opener at a coffee shop and there is something so disorienting and mind altering about having disco music blasting on the speakers at 4am. But, it was in one of those moments, where I was so tired I was nauseous, that the fic idea came to me! I had already been thinking of writing as my first fic, Steve and Eddie accidentally have a Devil’s Sacrament moment at the gay bar, but the line “But it’s Disco Night”, came to me at the ungodly hour of 4 in the morning. What a time!

What was your favorite part to write from you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost?

The Never Have I Ever Scene! It was the first time I wrote the entire party in one scene and it’s chaotic and a little messy but it was one of my favorite parts of the fic. It also made me realize how much I love writing ensemble scenes! Just everyone trying to talk over each other, chaos in its best form.

How do/did you feel writing Catch Me (I'm Falling)?

I wrote this fic in the span of like almost 3 weeks? I was sick and burnt out for most of the time I was writing it, but it was almost a compulsion. I had the idea and I just HAD to write it. No outline, just vibes and Steve Harrington in a cheerleading uniform! I took it down for a while because I was turning it into something else, but then had a change of heart and put it back up. And part of me is glad that I took it down for a moment because people love to be weird about the feminizing Steve’s character, and even though I was writing him as a cheerleader, I tried really hard to keep him earnestly himself, and in character.

What was the most difficult part of writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends?

Writing about San Francisco while being the most homesick I have ever been in my life. Also writing Eddie in those first few chapters as an asshole but not unlikable. I didn’t want him to be “fine” (because no one is fine in this universe, especially not in the beginning) but I also didn’t want him to do or say anything too bad. I think I got a handle on it pretty well.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

In Faces Freedom With A Little Fear, the first scene in the hospital with Steve’s sister. She storms in, threatens federal agents, all for her brother. JJ Harrington you will always be famous!

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Just my current WIPs! Anyway It’s About Old Friends; the When Harry Met Sally AU of my dreams. Hand on My Stupid Heart; the modern AU, where the UD exists but everyone has iPhones and Steve deals with his bisexuality!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Shout out to my boys! Kkpwnall, judasofsuburbia, figthefruitfaeth, gideoncharov, cheatghost, fastcardotmp3, snowangeldotmp3 you guys rule and they’re all so talented!!!! Thank you to whoever nominated me! I feel the love and give it back to you tenfold!!!!!!

Thank you to our author, @fragilecapric0rnn, and our nominator, @cheatghost! See more of fragilecapric0rn's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[playingwiththetennisgrownups]

Do you honestly think Sinner and Alcaraz (or any tennis players) are madly in love or fucking like bunnies? That's weird, their just kids!

Wow. WOW. But hey, I did say anything on anon so sure, that's your prerogative.

OK so honestly no, no I don't. I fell in love with both of their tennis playing this year (I've been watching tennis since the mid-80s), and then somewhere around Wimbledon the ADHD went 'oooh new hyperfixation' (there's another long post brewing actually about it might be a lifelong suppressed special interest) I felt like I was being super annoying to my partner and all my friends and went 'oh huh I wonder if there's a tennis fandom on Tumblr', and lo, there was a tennis fandom

There were people loving Sinner and Alcaraz and Federer and Nadal and Shelton and being excited and geeking out over the games. And there were slashers. Now, I'm a slasher. I have been writing fanfiction since I was a pre-teen, I have been writing slash fanfiction since my teens, and I have been posting said fanfiction online since my late teens. We're talking the 90s here people. (proud owner of an Anne Rice C&D dontcha know?) I've also been in as many, if not more, RPS fandoms than FPS ones. It's a hobby, I enjoy it. (There's only been maybe 2 RPS fandoms in all that time I actually believed in. Sincaraz is not one of them (although the more time I spend in fandom, the less sure I am about not believing the Fedal!) - but seriously, allow me to talk about how I do believe the Jack/Daniel and McShep or the Hardison/Parker/Eliot)

And so I was curious and I went onto AO3. I was... legit quite shocked by the amount of fic. I wasn't expecting it. I started reading. It was a lot of fun. My muse, Bob!, he is a fickle creature and he likes the pretty. He's decided Jannik and Carlos are his current pretty he wants to play with. I've written and posted more fic in the last two weeks than I have in months and THAT feels fantastic.

Although, having said that, I'm not actually physically/sexually attracted to either of them. You know why? Because they are literally over half my age. I think Jannik is cute as fuck and I'm currently at 'would kill to protect', I think Carlos has a... conventionally attractive physique and I do appreciate good strong shoulders/upper arms. I legit feel kinda dirty at times. But it's nothing more than 'aesthetically attractive', there's no... anything else. If nothing else, I'm queer so there's that! (There's a whole 'nother long post planned about being demi/ace, levels of aesthetically pleasing/pretty/attractiveness and what they mean).

TL;DR no, I don't think they're fucking, I adore them both as tennis players and people, I am loving the fandom around them, slash fanfic is fun. *gives all the love to the tennisblr, jannikblr and sincaraz peeps who've graciously welcomed me to the party over the last couple of weeks*

[edible-emerald]

gonna try and make a proper pinned post lmfao

LINK TO A THERIAN DISCORD SERVER THAT I OWN THAT'S SUPER COOL AND AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD JOIN

SYSCOURSE CODE: 👍/❤️🗯/📘/🔺🔶/🔵/🌘🌕/🟧/🌲/🌥️☀️/💭/🐊/🐌🐞/🐳

PLURAL CODE: ❓/❓/🔥/🌴/❓🐏/❓/⚡/ (We're still figuring a lot out)

A LOT OF THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE WE KNEW WE WERE PLURAL WE'LL UPDATE SOON I PROMISE MOST OF THIS APPLIES TO THE HOST

Howdy. You can call me Emerald, Calypso or Syren. My pronouns are she/they/xe/it. (Girlflux) Usually any are fine to use but they do fluctuate, so ask. Even if you use listed pronouns when I don't want you do I don't usually care all too much. I'm aromantic/asexual, possibly hypersexual, EXTREMELY romance repulsed, and a minor.

Because I am a minor, I ask that adults respect their own DNIs if they have that. If you don't, you may interact; but I get defensive, argumentative and anxious very easily, especially around adults.

Idk how I never added it but my mental disorders and disabilities are: ADHD (Diagnosed at age 9) Depression (Diagnosed at age 11) Social anxiety (Self diagnosed) Autism (Highly suspected/in the process of pursuing a diagnosis) Some sort of trauma disorder (Suspected, talking with my therapist about possible PTSD) OCD (Suspected) DID/OSDD (We're a sys(let) so the chances are relatively high, plus other symptoms)

We're desirdae! We use a lot of desirdae & dissomei labels, however some major ones are desirfakesui, desirpermateen, desirworsen, desirpermadaydream, and a few others.

On most websites I use the username edible_emerald, including discord and ao3.

Plurallet. I'm still figuring out this identity and questioning it so it's kinda a placeholder but keep that in mind. Simply plural is calypsoooo, if you friend me tell me your tumblr username when you do (I may decline sorry)

We're a Mixed Origin system! More specifically, Esogenic and our term, Hexabyssgenic. if you have a problem with it than block button is there for your convenience <3

I'm a therian, my theriotype is Northwestern wolf. I'm questioning Mermaid/selkie/siren and Lynx/wild feline, along with something winged. I’m also mermaidhearted and have other hearttypes that I’ve been too lazy to figure out but I will eventually

I post art sometimes

Also I like to write!! :3

I'm currently hyperfixating on MCYT, specifically KSMP, LSSMP, UU, Park/PVPciv, and Whitepine. Some previous hyperfixations include LU/TOTK/TLOZ, TOH, CSMP, KOTLC, TADC, HH, HB, MD, TOS (1 and 2), and chess. I write fanfiction a bit and you can find my writings on my ao3 account (edible_emerald)

I run a plethora of sideblogs, ask if you're curious

I can reclaim the slurs faggot, retard and tranny but I don't really use them very often, unless you talk to me in dms/discord than I do a little bit more lmfao

I will update this when I remember stuff lmao

I will try to respect your boundaries, but I may forget and accidentally misgender you, etc. Please correct me if I do! Also I tend to be petty a lot, so I will probably argue with people. If you'd rather I just leave it, you can let me know and I'll drop it. I'm too autistic to realize otherwise lmao

My only DNIs are that bigots and radqueers DNI. I also ask that Harry Potter and DSMP fans DNI *UNLESS* I interact first, then you're welcome to.

Also, astrothetherian supporters go the fuck away. We've been harassed by them and sent literal SA threats by them. If you think that's acceptable than stop pretending you care about trauma survivors BECAUSE WE ARE ONE.

As for my other DNIs, I don't have any, anyone can interact. You will want to keep in mind that I'm:

Pro endogenic/tulpamancer/willogenic systems

Neutral on the whole 'the term tulpamancy is cultural appropriation!' argument because i've seen different accounts from different people and some of them are Tibetan Buddhists and some of them aren't and idek what to believe atp

Pro self-diagnosing (with research)

Anti proship/conship <- shipcourse is really really stupid btw. Unless you say "fiction doesn't affect reality" i do not give a shit like at all. and if you respond "all proshippers think fiction doesn't affect reality" i will probably block you (unless we're moots) BECAUSE SHIPCOURSE IS STUPID AND I REFUSE TO GET INVOLVED.

Neutral on lesboys

Click the link below to help Palestinians in need. It's free and only takes a few seconds!

I really love these userboxes :3 below the cut is just a bunch more userboxes

[hopskip-andajump]

Meowdy! Welcome to my blog :3

I go by Skip and Atlas ! :3

I use He / Him, They / Them, Star / Starself , and Chirp / Chirpself pronouns, I really like it when people use these interchangeably so please do that!!

I am a polytherian , plantkin , and otherkin! my theriotypes / kintypes are

Black Maincoon Cat

Black Tipped Reef Shark

Red Tailed Hawk

Serval

Bat

Russian Blue Cat

Mountain Lion

Sacabambaspis

Cerberus

Gargoyle

Miros Bird ( Rainworld )

Slugcat ( Rainworld )

Lantern Mouse ( Rainworld )

Rainwing ( WOF )

Amaryllis flower

I am an artist and have been for about 7-8 years :3 I don't have comms open yet but I plan on opening them soon!! here's some examples of my art!

I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Anxiety, and Depression (but I am currently in recovery!!)

Heres my straw page for a tldr ^-^

I POST GORE AND SUGGESTIVE CONTENT !! PLEASE BE CAREFUL ON MY PAGE

AMAZING SILLY PEOPLE !!

Downandcrafty - My irl best friend!! He's been a huge source of support for me and it is so skrungle

Kidwhomhasahat |alt 1 and alt 2| - one of my mutuals and a huge source of inspiration for me!! Plus she is very very silly :33

Lordoftablecloths - one of my mutuals ^w^ he is very cool and swag

Thef0llyofman - a fellow tourney kid and another one of my inspos!!

Sparklecarehospital - a comic I've been hyperfixating over :3 go check it out! It's very well written.

Tgcg - i think I spelt it wrong but amazing art!! Very pleasing to the eyes ^w^

Nikovolt |alt| - another moot and just a general silly person!

Scene-royaltylolz - very silly moot and a very kind person!!!

Sponseredbywalmart - one of my moots, very silly

Red-rat-ryu - my beautiful amazing partner ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Kr1ck3ts-d3n - my other beautiful amazing partner :3 ❤️❤️

Potato-in-dirt - one of my irl friends !! Shark buddies ....

makothedorito - one of my moots ive known the longest ! Pelting her with bricks :3 /vvpos

PLEASE INTERACT: alterhumans / alterhuman allies , artists , lgbtqia individuals / lgbtqia allies , neurodivergents , DOATK / MWM / mashup tournament enjoyers , NON-PROBLEMATIC Homestucks , non-problematic people :33

DO NOT INTERACT: Racists, Zoophiles , Homophobes / Terfs , Cringe Culture participaters , Proshippers , People prone to drama , generally shitty people

PAGE RULES:

Please keep like spam down to 5 posts or less ! It can be fairly annoying if I receive a shit ton of notifs ( Mutuals are exempt from this to a point )

If you like my art, reblog it ! Likes are nice, but reblogs can help more people see my art. I spend a lot of time and effort making my art and if it doesn't travel , it means that effort went to waste

DO NOT USE SHE / HER FOR ME FOR THE LOVE OF GAIA . I am a trans man and those ARE NOT MY PRONOUNS .

Please don't use it / it's for me. I know a lot of other alterhumans use those but I feel very uncomfortable when they're used for me .

Please use my preferred names UNLESS WE KNOW EACH OTHER AND YOU HAVE A NICKNAME FOR ME .

Please don't use nicknames for me unless we are mutuals

Please don't dm me unless we are mutuals

DO NOT MAKE SUI / SH JOKES! I have personally experienced both of those and they are a huge negative trigger for me . I am currently recovering and thinking too much about those things have lead me to mental breakdowns .

If I don't respond to an ask / message / comment, do not spam me please . My antidepressants make me very tired and I sleep alot because of it , so I might not get back to you immediately .

If you violate my dni or break my page rules I'm blocking you /srs

I am part of a system ! This blog is mostly used by Skip (the host), but sometimes other alters might pop in as well. Both of the ones that openly communicate type differently than I do (one types in a sort of "uwu speak' kind of fashion, and the other may replace Es with 3s), so please let them be if that happens!

Blogs for other alters ; Nep /\/\ Jolt ( One doesn't have one due to complications )

My sign offs for each of my alters are;

Skip ( Me ) - ⭐ - info above :3

Mozart - 🎸 - He / They - Doesn't front much due to complications with his source , he prefers to talk in a more " uwu " sort of way ??? idk how to describe it , but if he needs to ( or forgets lmao ) he'll talk more normally

Nepeta - ♌ - She / Kit / Any with a She / Kit preference - nonverbal , but loves to talk through other means ! Kits fairly hyper and loves talking about quadrents :3

Jolt - ���� - She / They / Chip / Glitch - Milf energy . She talks very smoothly and uses " darling " alot . Doesn't know much about her past and struggles with remembering things . The few things she does remember are fairly traumatizing for her , so please don't bring them up !

Cirus / Lamb - 🔻- He / They - Former cult leader turned god of death . He is fairly fond of cats as his spouse was one . He's very much determined to keep the body healthy . Loves talking to people :3

Davepeta - 🍎 - She / He / They / It / Any - Whimsy lil fucker with BAADD memory . Would follow anyone who gives it apple slices . fairly new .

Jaspers / Frigglish - 🐈‍⬛ - He / Any - Also fairly new . Says whatever hes thinking . Very kind and loves talking to people :3

We love meeting doubles and alters from the same source !!!!

Here's where I got the teeth dividers!

And here's the moon dividers :3

[cyclogenesis]

The past couple of years most of my writing has been in the form of book reviews in which I'm, tbh, not afraid to be extremely critical (my two most liked reviews are among my harshest 1/2! they love it when I'm a hater) and now that I'm actually finishing a story for the first time in 2.5 years it is SO interesting the effect this has had on my fic writing. It's always been easiest for me to think in terms of what I don't like or want (usually in relation to life choices) rather than the more nebulous and broad aspects of what I do like, especially with a verrrry novelty-driven ADHD brain (what DO I want? idk lol probably something new and differently stimulating that I haven't come across yet) so I would think that would just make it more difficult to create because you can't build something new out of what you're trying to avoid.

But it's ended up being really helpful because I notice things like structure and pacing a lot more, and being able to articulate what I identify as bad in those areas has I think greatly improved my ability to step back and see a story from a distance - to see the whole shape of it, and figure out what I'm trying to say with it/what it's about, and thereby more easily see what I need to do to fill it out so that it gets my point across. It's also been helpful because there are a lot of books out there that I think are badly written, or have catastrophic missteps that should have been caught by literally any editor along the way, and yet those books still land on the shelves, while here I am over here like "what if people think I didn't completely justify the inclusion of temporary vampirism in this MCU fanfiction story I'm posting on the internet for free, and that the tonal shift from situational comedy to rough sex is too jarring, and they think the story sucks, and that I also suck?" What then?! Well, nothing. It's all fine, and as I know from seeing all the five star reviews on books that I think are an egregious crime against the written word, most people just aren't reading that critically, nor should they be, because who cares. Anyway, hopefully I'll get this thing posted before I go to bed tonight. Writing!! AAAAAH!!!!

[dropthedemiurge]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~ 🫶🏻

Thank you for the request, I finally got to it :D Five fics that I've written which are my favourite - (and I had to choose only those I've already finished, but a lot of my fav settings are in the long long chaptered poly fics x)) 1. Caught In the Downpoor – Sky/Rain, Love in The Air I love the entire trilogy I wrote because it was a silly whimsy idea that we had a lot of fun developing on discord and then I started writing it, and other people supported it too and now there are so many awesome SkyRain fics out there that absolutely fit my taste with ADHD, platonic bdsm and close friendship vibes. This is just such a comfort ghost ship for me that is popular enough to constantly return to xD I might even write fourth story for them one day! Who knows when inspiration hits but I'm not really done with those weather besties.

2. Young And Menace - Sand/Ray, Todd/Black, Not Me + Only Friends I love this one because crossovers of any Thai BL with Not Me is an amazing idea, in my opinion. And since we got to know Sand lived in the same building as Black, and we didn't get to see him using his bat, I took the headcanon of them being friends and ran with it xD Plus, I think, this story just poured out of me in one sitting and I didn't really know what was going to happen, but all of them ended up very emotional. And poetical. And I consider it well written so yeah, my fav!

3. I let you paint me in black - Black/|Yok, Not Me I am back with my Not Me fics and ghost ships :D We joked on NM discord that Yok definitely tried to get it on with all of gang members, and he's also the kinky one - meanwhile Black is on the violent side. I put handcuffs on Yok, gave Black some tools and played with them like dolls. And as expected, they had a lot of fun! This and its sequel fic are some of my short stories that I write in one sitting simply for an idea but I think I managed to capture some tension between these characters which I don't usually have in my stories.

4. Capturing the sight of a broken soul - Nick/|Sand, Nick/Boston, Only Friends Uh... I don't need to put a disclaimer about another ghost ship, do I? I just love platonic bonds and close friendship that are borderline romantic or touchy. And somebody needed to comfort Sand after everything he's been through! Come on! And Nick had to repay with his kindness and softness back. Also I challenged myself to write Boston's POV here which was... extremely fun! I was thinking how he and Sand could get to a more friendly side, and I think I found the way.

5. Boredom is a crime - Korn/Wai, Bad Buddy Last but not least, this was my first ever fic I wrote for Thai BL series. Which was on itself fascinating, as I haven't been really writing for years in my other kpop fandom. But meeting other fans and ficwriters, getting overwhelming support and attention for my works and forming community felt so inspiring that I started writing and drawing for myself and for fun again. It was also the time when I challenged myself to write coherent stories in English, and I practiced on BBS and NM. Also I should really write more (even more) asexual and ADHD characters... Anyway, Korn's POV is still my favourite and I had a lot of fun and it's a very important milestone.

It was a nostalgic journey, and I remembered once again what I love writing about. I never know what message do I give but I hope my stories are simply comforting or fun to explore for other people =)

I'm passing the torch to @ullvide @xagan @springkitten @doyou000me @wereflamingo-in-thai-dramaland (or tag me if you already did such post!)

[riversidewings]

Folks, there will be no new #FridayNightHistory today because of this week's now thankfully prior emergency. However, this is a post to intro the start of a modular, longform project which will become my first history book for the general public: A history of Miyagi Prefecture in the Occupation.

I recently read an account of Sendai in the early days of the US occupation of Japan, written by a paratrooper who served there. This got me curious, so I dug a bit in terms of books and online resources.

And to my knowledge, there doesn't seem to be a comprehensive history of Miyagi during the Occupation in English written by someone who knows Miyagi like a local or even like a scholar.

I want to change that.

My resources are limited. I can do this much thanks to the benefit of my patrons, but I'm still too absorbed in seeking out other opportunities to earn dribs and drabs of extra cash to have the time to devote to focused, in-depth, specific work on just one project.

And I have ADHD.

So what I'm going to do is modular. I'm going to start from writing a history of the dozen or so US bases in Miyagi, or rather the land they stood on (many still do, but they're now JASDF and JGSDF bases), each split into 2 sections (early history-1945, 1945-present).

4000-4500 words per section, 2 sections per base, dozen or so bases, is going to result in a lot of words when I come out the other end.

It will also mean that when I get there, I'll be able to do the big picture, thousand-foot-up view more easily, which ties these together into a book.

The picture that I hope to convey is of Miyagi as an edge of empire across a millennium, and of the US occupation as just one chapter in a very, very long story.

(In fact, in one place, the US set up a base where the Yamato court first established their local outpost in the 8th century CE!)

This is not a text for academics. The academic establishment (and its publication arms) and I are not on speaking terms. This is a text for the general public, written with the rigor I was taught as an academic historian.

Why am I writing this? Because Americans have had their say about this from the POV of the American uniformed experience, but the land and its people have a voice that I want to fit into the picture for anglophones to read and hopefully understand.

I am also writing it because it bothered me, reading this writing by Americans, which either doesn't really absorb the places or their histories or significance, or actively erases them and renames them with American names.

And finally, I am writing it because of those many years I got told by comfortably tenured bastards that Miyagi and the Tohoku region didn't matter.

Ono no Azumabito and General MacArthur disagree with you.

To support this project, please check out my current set of books on the Throne wishlist: throne.com/riversidewings, or send me a tip via ko-fi.com/riversidewings, or subscribe to my Patreon to support my continued work on this and much else:

Thank you one and all.

Now, back to work.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hey kiko!

First off, i saw the stardew valley stream right before going to office (twas my mom's birthday the day you streamed and an ungodly hour where I'm at) and i was in such a good mood🥹🤌🏽💖 gojo is adorable, I cannot.

Second, I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd (not a surprise, figured i was ✨ neurospicy✨ since i figured what it meant) and I was wondering... Gojo is neurospicy for sure, it's canon. But the way you write him, it's even more so. So out of curiosity, how would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to satoru getting his own diagnosis?

HELLO!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOUR MOM!!

Thank you for your message and question!!! 😊

Gojo in Stardew is so fucking cute that it makes me wanna die. My Kiko playthrough is already in year 2 and they’re living their best life (though, I did discover SVE Lance, recently, and all I’m sayin is that if Satoru didn’t already have my heart, Lance would be the first contender that’s actually piqued my interest).

I FUCKING GAVE YOU A HELLA LONG RANT SO THE REST IS BELOW THE CUT

WELCOME TO THE NEUROSPICY (I love this and I’m stealing it) COMMUNITY. We don’t have t-shirts yet because we got distracted before we could finalize the design and then all of our inspiration left and now we just cringe in self-hatred whenever we think about another project that’s half-finished… 🙃

I will die on the hill that canon Gojo is one of the most autistic coded characters I’ve seen in my entire life. There’s literally no valid argument against him being a member of our wonderful neurospicy community.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am also very fucking autistic and adhd. I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until a few years ago, and I didn’t find out about my autism until last year 🫠🫠 the journey to that discovery was a wild one… To give context for how extreme my adhd is, I’ve gotten distracted mid sentence for this reply a total of three times already and went on my own tangents of making random notes and literally forgetting about this for ten minutes while I started googling things and then I looked down at my phone and realized I’d completely forgotten that I was TYPING THIS REPLY 😭

ANYWAY. YOU ASKED A GOINKO QUESTION AND I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER IT.

How would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to Satoru getting his diagnosis?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. I LOVE IT. WITH MY WHOLE HEART.

I’m assuming we’re talking about Physical Paradox Goinko because you sent this not long after I posted begging for questions about them and their kids!

For those who don’t know, neurodivergence (adhd, autism, ocd, etc.) tends to be hereditary, which essentially means that neurodivergent parents have a high chance of having neurodivergent kids.

I’ve specifically written Physical Paradox Gojo with the idea in mind that he’s got a variety of neurodivergencies (Rai’s fun facts about brains have helped a ton and I always love hearing them! Rai, this is me telling you I wanna know more fun facts when you have the time). I’ve talked before about how he’s absolutely got adhd, whether hyperactive or not remains to be seen in the story, but I’ve been nailing a few things down lately so I’m excited to explore that more…

BUT THATS NOT THE POINT OF THIS REPLY. FUCKING FOCUS, KIKO.

I’m gonna answer these backwards because Gojo will get his diagnosis before they have kids. Because Rinko is studying cognitive and behavioral psychology, as of Summer Nights, she’s already noticed a few ticks and signs that Gojo has something. But she’s avoided saying anything for multiple reasons. (she’s still only a student, she doesn’t want to overstep in case he already knows and doesn’t want to talk about it, and she doesn’t want to offend him if he doesn’t know and doesn’t receive that kind of information well.) She literally had the thought in Summer Nights that it wasn’t like she could give him a diagnosis.

At some point in their relationship, she’s going to realize that he has no fucking clue and she’s going to say something. I haven’t decided if she does this before or after they start dating, but my main point is that by the time they’re talking kids, they’re gonna know they’ll have some neurospicy in them.

As for how they’ll react? They’ll love them no matter what and do everything they can to support them. They’ll struggle and have their bad days but they’ll figure things out and do their best to be there for them.

I imagine Eiji will be a lot like Satoru. I see him being loud and excitable as a young child and becoming more reserved and closed off as he gets older, which is how Satoru was.

I don’t know if I’ll explicitly include it anywhere in the series, but Satoru was loud and outgoing and friendly as a kid. As he got older, he struggled to connect with people because they couldn’t keep up with how chaotic he could be or they showed no interest in what he was passionate about. We’re sprinkling some rejection sensitivity that’s manifested as “fuck you, I don’t care about your shit, either then.” He keeps things surface level with most people because it’s not worth the time and energy just to be rejected or misunderstood. Obviously he’s different with Rinko, but that’s mainly because she’s shown that she can keep up with his ranting and there’s a part of his brain that desperately wants her to know he isn’t a shitty person and he doesn’t realize it’s because he’s pretty much already in love with her 😂😂😂 but really, Rinko can keep up with him and she meets his sarcasm with her own instead of brushing him off.

IM FORCING MYSELF TO STOP HERE OR ILL GO ON FOREVER. DID I ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?? I HOPE I DID 😭😭

I hope you have a wonderful day or night!! 💕💕

[chibisketches]

So turns out I have a stim... that I have been telling myself off over for literally decades.

I was Today Years Old when I realized that my deeply personally-embarrassing "vigorously shake the bad bad intrusive thoughts out of the head!" impulse that I sometimes get very late at night, (when I'm very tired and my brain decides to start acting like a chihuahua on amphetamines) ...was just regular ol' autistic stimming wearing a different hat.

Mind you, shaking my head really hard to 'dislodge' distressing brain weasels was just the first thing my brain suggested to deal with the disregulated feeling of Overtired Brain when I was a kid, and since it actually helped (for unrelated reasons... but still) that somehow stuck as the default 'solution' to the problem.

Turns out just about any very-energetic movement works the same way, though.I tried fast-kicking my feet up and down. Icky feeling was quickly gone, brain promptly chilled out. Tried jiggling my shoulders good and hard. Same result.

Part of me wonders if this also relates to the noticeable shuddering I get through my back and shoulders when I'm feeling really worked up about something... Like maybe my body is frantically mashing the Emergency Overflow Emotional Release Button, trying to just MAKE me shake away the yuck, in an attempt to self-reglate. I've never had it happen when I'm *not* feeling overwhelmed, so that... feels distinctly plausible.

The thing thats currently making me crazy about all this is that I have been mentally castigating myself over this stupid tired-brain impulse for *YEARS* - only to abruptly put 2 and 2 together, completely at random, while playing an unrelated mobile game at ass-o'clock while winding down for bed. (In keeping with the ADHD that I ALSO have, I then promptly abandoned said winding down and spent an hour writing this post instead.)

I honestly didn't even think I *had* any physical stims before tonight, and now I'm wondering what other random personal quirk that I don't think twice about doing, is just this same fucking thing happening elsewhere in my body.

And... I kind of feel like this shouldn't have been able to sneak up on me the way it did, either. Like, I read up on neurodivergence pretty extensively even before I got diagnosed, so I'd understand what I was dealing with. I knew what stims *are*, but just shrugged and went "huh... well, guess that's not one of my symptoms :)" because I didn't see anything on the lists of common ones that sounded like me. But then: SURPRISE! Turns out I do at least one all the goddamn time. I just didn't recognize this for what it was because I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood and because I'd been doing this same thing since I was old enough to stay up late and get overtired in the first place. In my mind it wasn't a symptom or a coping mechanism. It was just a thing I did, even though I was mortified by doing it.

Most of all, though, I'm once again wishing I had fucking known that I had AuDHD when I was growing up, instead of just thinking that I, personally, was a mess. I would've been a lot less harsh on myself, and I could've figured so much of this stuff out decades ago. Instead here I am, eying 40 in the distance, and just now figuring out so many basic bits of the what why and how of my brain. It feels like realizing you've been trying to swim with weights tied to your ankles all this time, wondering why you always seem to have so much trouble staying afloat...

[Standard "This was written very late at night by a very tired person on the internet who has 'Can't Regulate Focus For Shit' disease, so if it's rambly or full of typos, kindly pretend that it isn't" disclaimer]

[jamesunderwater]

20 Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪᴄ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ

Thanks for tagging me!! @gracelesslady23 @annabtg @kay-elle-cee this was very sweet to get to do.

Ao3 Username: itsjamespotter

1. How many works do you have on A03?

31, wow! How wild, that feels like a lot.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

162k!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

HP

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Show and Tell (3k, wolfstar smut)

Dead To Me (91k, wip lily evans angst)

Tall Dark and Glasses (3k, jily fluff)

"you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that" (1k, prongsfoot smut)

Bring Your Kid to Work Day(s never end when your godfather is Sirius Black) (2k, good godfather sirius black fluff)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to, or at least have the goal to, but admittedly I'm very bad at it. (not to use it as an excuse but my adhd is fully to blame.) I plan to go back and catch up on all of them soon & have a dream of being much better about it, though. I do intentionally make sure I eventually respond to the ones for my WIPs, at least.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

well, since dead to me hasn't ended yet (kidding kidding kidding kidding!!!) lmao I really thought I was gonna have a hard time finding a fic with an unhappy ending but I evidently forgot who I am. I dunno how to choose between: 1. i don't even know where you end and i begin (500 words, canon prongsfoot....you get it) 2. Promises to Keep (1k words, dorlene with canon ending....you get it)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Okay listen, do I technically have a fic that mentions living happily ever after in the last line? Yes. Am I choosing that fic? No. I'm choosing Happy Holidays, You Filthy Potters, because 1. smut, 2. sassy young Harry, and best of all, 3. sassy good godfather sirius black 😉

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a couple of comments about Lily in Dead To Me but I've decided it's not my problem if people don't have critical analysis skills 💀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I write smut for a number of different ships and plan on doing others! Uhhh, what kind? the fact that I don't really know what that means probably means it's pretty vanilla 😆 there's a lot of going down on people 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Haha, no, but if I did I'd probably do PJO/HP

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. that would be so heartbreaking.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that's SO cool that people offer to do that for some fics!!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have!! @charmsandtealeaves and I co-wrote a fic for a jilychallenge last year, before we were even friends! It was my first time co-writing a fic, which was very cool and different, but also didn't feel that foreign to me -- I think because I've spent a lot more years doing para RP than I have writing fics. It was fun to kind of riff off another writer in a different way. I would definitely do it again!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Okay, this is kind of tough because I only recently got into Prongsfoot, and they are the definition of soulmates... But because I ultimately see Sirius as more of an ace/aro character, Jily wins the place of favorite ship in my heart. <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well, I really only have two WIPs posted on AO3: Dead To Me and Just This Once, and I have all of DTM outlined and plan to finish it by fall. Just This Once might be a while, but I also have a plan for it and would like to finish it at some point... But I guess there's a chance I won't finish it -- I do have a lot of other multi-chaps I am going to be starting soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I like to think I'm good at getting into the minds of my characters, really thinking through their motivations and emotions and then expressing those to the reader. I also think I'm fairly good at dialogue. I really like writing banter so I hope others think I'm good at it, haha. And based on what I've been told, my smut isn't half bad 😆

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, definitely writing descriptions of any kind. I never remember to describe the scene and when I do, I think it feels clunky. I'm not great at writing in a more direct way, either; I struggle to express a character's emotions without getting a bit flowery with it. Just generally, I think my writing could be tighter, you know? I'm sure I'll realize other things I need to work on as I write more long fics, too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ah, haven't done it yet, so don't have any thoughts to share.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP -- Jily on the Neopets forums... never 4get <3

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

If we're talking finished works, I'd have to say Tall Dark and Glasses, which I wrote for the masquerade event for Jilytober last year. To me, that fic has a certain je ne sais quois that is hard to replicate. But unfinished? Dead To Me, hands down, and once it's finished it will be very hard to ever top it. It's imperfect and there are a lot of edits I'd make if I were to go back through and polish it up, but it's the first multi chap fic I've ever written, and beyond just feeling immensely proud of that, the story itself and how I'm writing it is one of the most heartfelt and meaningful things I'll ever write in my life.

these were such a pleasure to respond to, thanks again for the tags! <3 I'm tagging: @goldenbi @abihastastybeans & @nodirectionhome-ao3

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 2 Ep 2

"The Night General" AKA Somebody to Lean On

This one came in as a request, and it's one that I'm really excited to do. It's fun to take a look at post-Quarantine House Tim/Lucy in more detail, especially considering Tim and Lucy's movement in Episode 1 of the season via her standing up to him and his respect of her.

SPOILER ALERT: This episode and everything that came before it are fair game. If you wish to remain un-spoiled, please don't read anymore. I do try to write these as though I'm watching them for the first time without knowledge of the future.

Everyone squared away? Then we're ready to dive in.

"Chief Williams added another book to your Sergeant's Exam Reading List." "Split Second Leadership: Leading Men in the Line of Duty." "Men?" "It's from the 60's. How is this relevant to the 21st century policing?" "Ours is not to reason why, Officer Bradford. Read the book." "Yes sir."

At this point, only Tim knows why this is bad news for him. From the outside, it might look like he is being obstinate or lazy. But Tim is struggling.

My little brother has a learning disability. He's a genius with a learning disability. No, I'm not exaggerating.

My brother can't write or spell. He'll tell you an elaborate story with five-syllable words with perfect grammar, but the minute he tries to write it, it looks like a Kindergartner wrote it.

He had a teacher in college who insisted he was faking it and throwing his papers because he didn't have a written diagnosis from a doctor. He dropped out of school. He never finished.

My point? Learning disabilities can happen to anyone and it's easy to be quick-to-judge. No wonder people don't want to share. No wonder there's so much shame and stigma.

No wonder Tim didn't say anything. No wonder he honestly doesn't know... because, in his family, it would be seen as "less than", "not good enough", a "screw-up".

"If I have to suffer, so do you. So, you're going to read this out loud to me between calls. Only way I'm gonna get it memorized in time." "Or, I could drive and you could read it by yourself."

Admit it, Lucy. You're just looking for an excuse to drive! In all seriousness, it makes sense. But, again, it's easy to assume that Tim's pride in being the one to drive is getting in the way of him "taking this seriously".

"It's hard enough to listen to it without your editorializing."

Okay, I am totally with Tim on this one. Sometimes when we're reading to the kids, Matt will do this, and suddenly 10 minutes of calm reading has turned into 30 minutes of kids bouncing off the walls because they couldn't focus to finish the story straight through.

"You're gonna have to re-read all of this anyway to really memorize it." "No. I memorize best when I hear it." "Really?"

I love this shot. Lucy leaning over the book, tight on her face as she processes the information of how he processes.

My Middle is Autistic/ADHD with an auditory processing disorder and suspected reading processing disorder. Eldest is ADD or ADHD (final diagnosis later this month) and Littlest has her full testing for Autism/ADHD at the beginning of next month. I know a lot about people processing differently.

But as Lucy's wheels are turning, she realizes what might be going on with Tim. But how do you broach a subject like that with TO Era Tim?

Lucy's had fun poking at Tim with the parts of the book she likes (especially the value of every officer), but the whole reason she poked was because of Tim's apparent sense of superiority. Yes, she knows it's a veil, but it's still hard to poke through, at this point.

This is different.

"Why?" "Nothing."

Nothing is never nothing. I think I write this once every other Meta. On this show, nothing is never nothing.

"Boot!" "You might have a learning difference." "What?" "Technically, it's classified as a disability, but it really just means that you're wired to process information differently. In your case, through, through hearing, rather than reading." "I don't have a learning disability."

I remember the conversations with my husband for years.

I told him I suspected he was ADD (my mother, brother, step-father, and step-brother are all ADD/ADHD... the only reason we know I'm not is because my little brother wouldn't take his test without me and Mom taking it, too).

Matthew would shrug it off because he didn't have a "Disorder". But when he was 38, his mother let it slip to me that he was diagnosed at 8... and they never told him. They hid it. They didn't want the stigma.

So, he spent his entire life struggling and not understanding why. He got re-diagnosed at 38, and his first morning on medication, he let me sleep in. I woke to him lying next to me, tears in his eyes.

"The clouds are gone," he breathed into the space between us. And then I was crying, too.

He'd had these clouds his entire life and thought it was just how he was. He didn't know there was help. He didn't know his life could be better. All because his parents hid his diagnosis.

We put so much damn stigma on this stuff that humans are suffering unnecessarily for the sake of societal niceties. And for Tim, there's definitely stigma and shame associated with having a learning disability. It's how he was raised.

"A lot of people have them. I bet Isabel helped you in the Academy, read through the materials and stuff." "We're not talking about this."

Talk about wheels turning... we can see Tim's as he thinks about all the times he and Isabel sat up, her reading to him.

He thought it was the sweetest thing, and it became their thing. I bet she read him other things, too, like fiction books, or autobiographies on his favorite sports figures.

But thinking about Isabel (still a very fresh hurt) and the stigma of having a learning disability is too much for Tim.

Because growing up, any "difference" was called out as a failing. Yes, I know those of you in early S2 don't yet know all of Tim's backstory, so I am reaching forward a little on this one.

But, it's important to understand why Tim reacts so strongly and so swiftly.

Tim ends conversations before he can lose his cool. Losing control could lead him to become the person he hates most in the world, so he does everything to avoid it. But, he's been on edge all year.

Hell, for more than a year. Because ever since Isabel disappeared, he lost that one little piece of his life that made sense.

Then, this ball of sunshine came into his life, blinding him with goodness and light. He tried at first to temper it, but I fully believe that the longer he's in her glow, the more his eyes adjust, and the more he shifts to helping refine her rather than dim that glow.

"Watch your tone, Boot." "Oh, you don't get to call her 'Boot', Rex. You're retired. She's the police, now."

Boom, Baby!! Tim Bradford putting an asshole in his place will always be good television.

"Let's see your bail bonds license and the warrant on your jumper." "You let her talk to you like that?"

Bitch, you don't want to see how I'm gonna talk to you if you don't back off. Tim's not biting on the "camaraderie" angle, here.

As tough as Tim can be, as much of an absolute ass as he can be... he's a stickler for the rules.

"Look, the hole you're in has nothing to do with Lopez. But she's gonna pay the price when the commander's son goes belly-up halfway through training." "I told him it's not her fault." "Yeah, so tell him, again. Lopez bent over backwards for you. She protected your ass when any other TO would've sent you packing. You owe her your career." "I know."

Don't. Mess. With. People. Tim. Loves. Tim and Angela's friendship is one of my favorite relationships on the show. Tim just stood up for Lucy and here he is standing up for Angela.

Now, I'm not saying Tim loves Lucy, yet. We're a long way off from that, if these two get their act together. But, I think it's important to see his consistency.

Tim's Tests might make him seem unpredictable, but there's a reason and a rhythm for everything that he does. And when it comes to his friends—to the people he loves—he's always going to stick out his neck. Even if it means risking himself.

"Do you want me to read to you?" "No." "Come on."

Now that she knows he has a learning disability, she wants to help. Now that he thinks she thinks he has a learning disability, he wants to run.

Lucy is a gentle, kind, loving human. She wants to help. It's her default state. But accepting help goes against everything that was ever beaten into Tim.

It was fine when he was ordering her to read to him. But now that there's a stigma involved, he doesn't want it.

"You have to learn it." "I can do that on my own."

See? And Tim's not trying to be an asshole. He's trying to 'be a man', 'cowboy up', and 'do it on your own'. You know... all the bullshit men are too-often taught from boyhood.

He's shying away from Lucy's help because he's ashamed.

Alright, Future Rachel needs to tell you that Tim Bradford hasn't had an easy life. His childhood was less than ideal. His marriage seemed good until it wasn't.

Seeing the worst in himself is easy, but having others see him as weak in any way? He can't have that. He puts up all this bravado and these thick walls around his heart to protect himself.

Lucy just found another tiny crack in his defenses. And instead of letting her light in to help heal his hurts, he's afraid it will burn.

"Training for the rematch with Nico?"

Tim's blowing off steam. That fight was tougher than expected, and Tim's going to do everything he can to stay in top shape. But, he's also processing.

Lucy processes by talking things out. Tim processes with a punching bag and sweat pouring down his brow. The beautiful thing about people is how different we are, yet we find a way to coexist. We learn to speak one another's languages.

My husband's a BIG gift person. He loves to give and receive. I struggle with physical possessions because of how I grew up.

But I know that small gifts throughout the year help him remember I'm thinking of him (buying his favorite coffee... a latte from the local café). And he knows making me a chai latte at home, or holding me when I'm upset lets me know he's thinking of me.

We love one another. We just don't experience love the same way. Same is true for Tim and Lucy. We're in the phase of them learning how to speak one another's languages. This is crucial if they're ever going to be in a romantic relationship.

Tim greets her almost with a smile as he turns to face her.

"Here." "What's this?" "It is 'Split Second Leadership: Leading Men in the Line of Duty' the Audio book." "The book's out of print. There's no audio book." "Yeah, which is why I recorded one for you."

"Lucy Chen, will you marry me?" I mean, that's what he's supposed to say, right? That's what you would say, right?

Because, let's break this down for a second—she stayed up all night doing this. This morning when she asked him if he wanted her to read to him, she knew what his answer would be.

But then they had this stressful-ass day, and she had to wait for the file to finish rendering, which might've taken all day because audio files with any quality are a beast.

Look, I was a voice over artist for over 20 years. I only left the studio where I was a contract player because I couldn't afford a home studio and now live over an hour from the studio. So, I've done a lot of commercials, on-hold messages, and, yes, books.

The kids especially love my reading of "Elmo Visits the Dentist" that they can listen to on YouTube whenever they want. Why go into all this? I know how long it takes to read a book aloud at a pace that is easy for others to process.

Immediately after learning that her TO needed to listen to learn, she took the damn book home (because she was the one holding it the next morning) and she recorded herself reading it for him.

She likely got no sleep as she set it to render and upload into the device to hand to him while she got ready to leave for work.

I bet she even went home, grabbed the device, then ran back so she could give it to him.

This is a labor of love. No, she's not in-love with Tim. But she cares about him. And this ball of sunshine is radiating in his life more and more.

We are post Quarantine House. We are post Lucy calling Tim on the Isabel stuff she should have reported. We've established that they trust one another.

But this is next level. Six months into her training, and Lucy's already breaking through so many of Tim's walls.

"Uh, listen, I talked to Isabel and from what she said, it's clear you're a kinesthetic learner, which just means you need to listen while you're being active in order to absorb things."

Girlfriend just called up her future husband's ex like a boss. Again, she did this yesterday. Lucy wastes no time when it comes to Tim. Keep that in mind for the future...

"There's no shame in it. Really."

Watch his face. His jaw clench. His body relaxes as he sighs. His eyes soften. Because, all his life any sign of being "different" was weakness. Any sign of being "not good enough" was punishable by pummeling.

Isabel didn't realize he had a learning disability from what we can tell. She just knew that he'd ask her to read to him. My husband and I used to read to one another (pre-kids) and it was a tremendous act of love.

But Lucy put a name to it. And Tim's been spiraling out about it ever since. Because there's a stigma that comes with words like that, tragically.

"Honestly, it's probably why you excel at being a cop."

Tim absorbs her words. She doesn't think he's a freak. She doesn't think he's a project. She doesn't think he's broken. She thinks he's a good cop.

Her view of him hasn't changed because of his learning disability. This is so important.

My Middle has been Autistic his entire life, right? But we only got the official diagnosis when he was 5 because he stopped eating and was rapidly losing weight. A family member actually said "How can I be [related to] an Autistic child?" I said, "You've done a fine job the last 5 years."

Who he is didn't change with his diagnosis. But there are always people who recoil at it because of the stigma associated with it.

Tim was afraid Lucy would think of him differently... but she doesn't. She still sees Tim as the hard-ass, soft-hearted, semi-asshole she has to deal with every day for another six months.

And, strange as it sounds, that's the most reassuring thing Lucy could say to him.

"Thanks."

Lucy ducks her head in a nod as she leaves. It's so sweet. Lucy knows him well enough to understand this is difficult for him. She has a strong understanding of psychology, and a growing understanding of Tim Bradford.

Sticking around won't help him. Letting him get to work will help. She knows him well enough not to hover, and she knows better than to expect compliments from Tim at this phase.

Hell, that "Thanks" was unexpected and I'm surprised she was able to keep moving after she heard it instead of calling it out.

Maybe she just really needs the sleep after all she's done for him. She deserves it!

"Split Second Leadership by Curtis Philbrick, read by the best Rookie you've ever trained."

Tim can't help but smile at that. And it's a real smile. The kind the shows his teeth and reaches his eyes. The kind Lucy won't see, yet.

Lucy offered Tim a piece of herself when she handed over that audio recording. No, it's not romantic. But it is a gift, nonetheless. This was above and beyond anything required of her as a Rookie—she did it as a friend.

And Tim accepted the gift. I don't think we talk enough about this. Lucy sent him food one episode ago and he told her she "shouldn't have". But there's no fighting this gift.

Because the events of 2x01 were a big shift for these two that we don't talk enough about. Lucy making it to the halfway mark and doing well on her exam. Lucy calling Tim on his shit when he tried to distance himself from her by being extra assholery. Lucy going beast-mode chasing that fake cop.

And here we are in 2x02 and Tim who was humbled by Lucy one episode ago is now unintentionally wounded. Because he thinks she sees him as "less than". He thinks her opinion of him somehow lessened because he's been raised to see a "learning disability" as a bad thing.

When Lucy turns it around at the end and says it's his super power, that's powerful. She helped him see himself in a different way. The king of coming at something sideways has met his match. So, what could he say after a gift like that? He wouldn't reject it. He couldn't.

Because Lucy gave him the gift of a shift in perspective. And those readers who are from the future, like me, know he'll repay that gift in a huge way in that same room not too long from now.

They're not in love, yet. But they are on their way to friendship, and learning one another's love languages on the way. So if when they finally arrive at love, it'll be a deep love. It'll be a love that grows. It'll be a love that thrives.

Because true love often takes effort... but it's worth it.

Tim Pays it Forward

Look, Tim takes care of his people. We already know that. But I also like to think that Tim recognized something of himself in Rex thanks to Lucy's kindness.

Rex doesn't like asking for help. Neither does Tim. But if Tim isn't careful, he could end up like Rex.

Now, Rex likely didn't have a Lucy. But, he does have a Tim. And that's damn good, too.

As ever, thank you for reading. This one is one I'm super passionate about with my family history and the children I'm raising.

Now, I'm not going to pretend it's all peachy-keen. It can be really, really tough raising three neurodivergent children, and there are very bad days. But for Tim, his learning disability really can be a super power.

Also, oh, isn't it fun watching Tim and Lucy of Season 2 on their way? So much fun!

Hope your weekend's been lovely! Mine's been so quiet, it's lovely. Currently have three Littles in bed with me as we have a pajama/movie day. It's the little things!

See you on the next!