#This just feels gross
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FOR THE SAKE OF POSTERITY, I HATE THE NEW TUMBLR LAYOUT. I DON’T WANT TUMBLR TO LOOK LIKE TWITTER.
#isa screams#this is mostly cause I heard the staff#was forced to make this adaptoin on the behalf of the CEO#they didn't wanna do it either#So if we say we hate it#It might get rolled back#But yeah this sucks#I hate having to open the account tab to see my stuff#Hate that its all super tiny and condensed#I liked it more when it was spread out all over the place#Prefer the buttons at the top#This just feels gross#and like they're trying to be like twitter for completely superficial reasons#And I Do Not Like It
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figured out why i dislike the term non-man so much thanks random screenshot
#monolith mumbles#discourse#just in case#like its so. annoying & feels gross how ppl use it 💀 like it feels like it completely ignores multigender/gnc/genderqueer
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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9 / 266
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#fanart#jjk fanart#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#used th itfs tag bc its implied and this is an itfs piece i said so#i dont think ive seen this parallel made yet??? but its ok if it has#i just had the idea hit at gross o clock last night when i ws alr exhausted n had 2 force myself to sleep instead of drawing it#i just . clutches chest . YUUJI#th char development the emotional maturity..#the willingness to put aside his gojo voice personal feelings in favour of giving megumi agency over his own life#rather than burden him with expectations the way every1 has done fr both of them over the course of the series...#tears in my eyes thats my mc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway art notes i think lower one is some of the best yuuji hair ive drawn 2 date#it's kind of similar to one of my 265 redraws but i think i struck a better balance in how thoroughly i rendered it here#proud of my me but also SO grateful tht yuuji has not been fighting me lately#so much yuuji content these past chapters i cant imagine th frustration having to Also fight him in order 2 create content fr them#anyway itafushi kaisen is real and canon and alive and yuuji singlehandedly discovered th cure 2 my mental illness w this line
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to you it’s perverted gross sex. to me it’s being creative, working through traumas and baggage, healing my inner child, playing, practicing intense vulnerability, finding even more ways to fall in love with my partner, finding more ways to fall in love with myself, learning confidence & how to ask for what i want, care work, emotional release, relaxing, community building, theater, dance, writing, problem solving, therapy, radical honestly, and so much more. and also it’s gross perverted sex.
#sex is just so. everything to me#i feel like i’ve grown so much w it and wouldn’t be who i am without the kind of sex i have with other perverted gross sex weirdos <3#and it’s like never just sex with me.#i mean sometimes it is but. i love a theme and motif#mine
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We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore. We were so close. Then they flavored it mango and now it's taboo to criticize it anymore. People don't ask if they're allowed to vape indoors, they aren't considerate of people who may have health problems that are triggered by the chemicals or if it just bothers them, people don't care that they're supporting an industry built on corruption and greed, they can't see it draining their pockets and much less their health. We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore.
#i hate hate HATE nicotine after watching my parents smoke when i grew up#its gross and bad for your money and bad for your health#and i get it. theres SO MANY socioeconomic factors that make it a complicated issue.#you CANT blame smokers.#but it feels like people are just accepting the institution for what it is bc now it tastes good#bitch just chew gum jfc#it doesn't matter if its an industry issue. we have seen in the past that making it “uncool” hurts the industry#make nicotine uncool again PLEASE#grumbles
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Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:
If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return
If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return
My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations
My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later
That's it!
#the fucking obsession with fandom becoming ~content creation~ has got to stop. this is not a business.#i don't like it when someone acts like i owe them because they complimented my work#and i will never do that to someone else#kindness has to be freely given or it isn't kindness; it's manipulation#this just. makes me feel super gross and it upsets me that it's happened twice#and that both people explicitly stated in their profiles that this is an expectation they have of fandom#you can't form a community by force. that's not how it works.#anyways. rant over. i just want it to be known that i'm not expecting anything from anyone lol#if i talk to you or hang out it's because i want to. i don't want anything from you except you know#kindness and companionship or w/e#bleargh. gonna go play a game or something.#dixeram
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okay so while I generally endeavour to avoid anything to do with the daily star at all costs I feel like people really need to see today's front page bc I nearly choked walking past this on the newspaper stand:
#ORANGE MANBABY#GET DUNKED ON#tw trump#tw donald trump#donald trump#I feel gross just typing the name but I had to share this ok
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I am
• worried
• depressed
• uncomfortable
• upset
• afraid
• uneasy
it does not feel good.
I'm going to drink some water, take a nap, and deal with these things later
#I'm still waiting to hear back if I got my apartment#I just broke my glasses#I ran out of my meds and it might take a while to get more#I have so many people I need to message back#I fucked up and missed my therapy appointment yesterday#I'm with both of my parents for the holidays and I'm not out as she/her#I just feel gross
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idk if this has already been said but you would still have to care about the south even if it didn’t have a large poc or queer population. you still have to care about straight and cis and white and able bodied people in the south. “i am only granting personhood to those who’s suffering i can benefit from addressing in a public manner” is the equal and opposite belief to “i am only granting personhood to those i deem worthy based on their similarity to me”
#i just always feel so gross when someone is like ‘um actually theres a lot of poor poc in the south so you shouldn’t make fun of them’#because it communicates that your compassion is conditional#in this particular case it means you can pat urself on the back for being a savior to those Poor Miserable Black People Trapped In The South#its so fucking insincere and insulting#and also indicates a very troubling mentality that compassion and respect must be earned via suffering#not a fan of that shit!
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on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance
#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually#it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it!#like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor#but. hard to.#language#and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way#are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do#because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory#like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways#that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is#and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel#anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol#so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment!#just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)
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not to toot my own horn too loud or anything but i've showered 5/6 days so far this week and started running again and now i can kill god
#ramble#neurotypicals don't interact i'm tired of explaining why showering is the bane of my fucking existence#my thought process is like#go for run -> get all sweaty and gross -> NEED to shower -> ahah get clean motherfucker#i don't think i can get away with not doing it rn it's too damn hot#also they should invent a version of the feeling you get after a run that doesn't involve actually running. bc starting up again HURTS#but i. refuse to go back to the gym it's just too Much there#jogging is great bc there's the sun and grass and DOGS and gym bros don't bother you
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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Dungeon Meshi modern au where both Laois and Falin are food vloggers. Laois is always travelling to remote areas and cultures to try the most "extreme" foods and bring them to light. He's known as the guy who will drink blood and slam a still wriggling bug just to comment on it's nutty flavor. Meanwhile Falin is visiting long-standing eateries and sharing the stories behind local cuisine.
Nobody actually puts together they're siblings (in part due to wildly different viewerbases) until Falin in one video mentions how she enjoys eating insects and the comment section is full of folks asking her to "collab with the bug guy". Her very next video is her and Laois smiling infront of a mukbang style platter of insects and she introduces him as her brother.
#marcille is falins video editor/manager in general#which results in a lot of fancy editing and trip booking#meanwhile laois is working with his crew of senshi and kabru#kabru works as the face getting them in to restricted areas and senshi actually documents these cultures recipes#marcille actually edits laois vids too despite getting so grossed out watching them#meanwhile she makes falin eating blood sausage look like art#chilchuk is just on call at all times to get them in and out of countries#he takes care of scheduling in general you think the touden siblings can keep a calendar#itzumi is the picky eater friend that i feel needs to appear in more food review content#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#modern au#laois touden#falin touden
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I already really like these two, but after The Return of The Pumpkin Rabbit, I have been smitten. (人*´∀`)。*♡
#I found my new favorite villain couple#I love themmm they are absolutely evil and ugly and they deserved to be burned on a stake#AND THE SHITPOSTS OHHH 😍 Almost tempted to make a Twitter account just to see what Martin posts.#Pumpkin Rabbit#Witch Sheep#They went on an arcade date before resuming to their pedicide ways. 😭#TMH#The Return of The Pumpkin Rabbit#TRoTPR#my shiz#Lorenzo Waterman#Rachel Waterman#Walten Files#The Mysterious House#skedoobles#The Walten Files#I'm glad this is just a scribble I was lost on what the heck I was drawing with all the fur and fleece...whool? lmao#It probably feels matted and gross. Yuck#I mean. Pre-death Rachel looks pretty. And that drawing of not disfigured Lorenzo... Well He does look like a Lorenzo 😆#but reanimated... HORRIBLE It's HORRIBLE It's so good.#The Watermans
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simon has been searching for you for years. lifetimes, he tells you, been looking for ya for lifetimes, lovie.
you believe him. how could he be telling anything other than the truth when he's so greedy with you? when he digs his fingers so deep into your supple skin, you think he might be trying to touch your bones. when he bores his sunken, black eyes into yours and peels back the layers guarding his most murky parts just so you can bless him with a glance, an acknowledgment of his pathetic excuse of an existence.
when he doesn't go a day without reminding you that he loves you. it doesn't matter if it's with his words or his tongue—he wants you to know. needs you to be aware of the feelings that you conjure up in his brick of a body, the emotions that squeeze his thawed-out heart so tightly he thinks it might just rupture.
but sometimes his tender thoughts trickle into something dark; that sweet flutter turns into an erratic throb when he loses himself in you too much.
sometimes he wants to grind you between his teeth; feel the way you stretch and bleed into his mouth. he wants to make a space inside of you reserved just for him. maybe tangle his limbs between the gaps of your ribcage and wrap himself around your heart. he knows that he would break your delicate bones in half even if he were to only insert his hand between the spaces of your ribs, but something in the back of his mind whispers to him that you'll make room for him. that you'll adjust and rearrange yourself if it meant he could be attached to you forever.
the thought is thrilling, and when he tells you about it, you think it's the most romantic thing you've ever heard.
#just simon loving too hard and being weird and gross about it as usual#he has a lot of big feelings forgive him#ghost#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#rainwrites 𐙚
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