#This is why I have so much trouble accepting myself and feel embarrassed about being things I don’t have control over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dirtbra1n · 5 days ago

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Seigi Sunday the second—please don’t look at what day it is

(BELATEDLY LINKING THE FIRST ONE READ MY POSTS BOY)

okay so it’s Seigi saturday last-Sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday I even slept in today can we be nice to me,

discontinuing that bit. Seriously just don't look at what day it is. it was technically a sunday when I finished it. My request for today is to acquire a phoenixheadinhands image and have it on hand as we move forward. 30 image cap beat my ass There were intense budget cuts.

but anyway white text this time :) where we start:

PESSIMIST!!! 🫵🫵🫵

a comment from jeweler richard enthusiast kiri @aranarumei and more seigi under the cut

The shop's owner was one Mr. Richard Ranasinghe de Vulpian, a man so elegant he looked like he could have stepped right out of a BBC historical drama, with an impeccable command of the Japanese language. And I had no clue what he was thinking. As much as I figured it wouldn't be long before he looked at the books and decided to close up shop, I diligently did my job cleaning the place and boiling milk with tea in it. And honestly, it didn't really matter what was going on with the shop. I had to work to get paid. I was still working twice a week at the TV station, too. But in two weeks' time, my pessimistic predictions were proved very wrong.

look he also realized what a pessimist he is. this won't come back to shoot me again ever. thats a promise. I would never lie to you about this.

Now, I knew I was just a part-timer who hadn't seen the store's books or knew what the rent was, so this was just a hunch—but I really didn't think this weekend jewelry café in Ginza was Richard's main job. I was sure he had customers like Ms. Miyashita in Kobe all over Japan, if not the entire world. He probably spent the week going from house to house showing off gems and selling them. With the profit from those sales, it wouldn't really matter if this shop was here or not.

It would be a long way off before we were on comfortable enough terms for me to ask him how the business was doing. "So, what's the deal with carats? I was really shocked when I learned about it last week. It's a just a unit for measuring weight. One carat is 0.2 grams." "Indeed, it is. And what exactly is it that troubles you about this fact?" "I guess I don't get why you need another unit. Couldn't you use grams?" "...It'll make more sense to you later." Richard's attitude seemed to suggest that if I wasn't actually interested in it, there was no reason to force myself to learn about gemstones. But he would still answer my questions, and he got mad at me when I told him I'd been keeping the pink sapphire ring in my fridge because the box might get moldy, and gave me a new box and cloth for it. He must really love gemstones. [...]

[if theres space for it, :phoenixheadinhands: if not, leave this in. Who give a shit] [:phoenixheadinhands:]

It was a woman with long black hair, fair skin, and narrow eyes. She was beautiful, in her late twenties, wearing a pencil skirt and a white blouse. She must've come straight from work. She made me feel a little nervous. "Um, this is a jeweler's. The rental office is on the first floor." "...Yes, there is a sign out front. Or, what, do you only accept customers by appointment?" "Welcome. You've made no mistake. We would be happy to accept your business." She seemed momentarily overwhelmed by hearing a blond-haired, blue-eyed man speak such fluent Japanese but quickly regained her composure. Typically, women reacted in one of two ways when they met Richard for the first time. They either got this indiscreet smile on their faces, like they were about to dig into a delicious meal, or they got very quiet in an attempt to hide their embarrassment. This woman didn't fit into either category. She seemed utterly unmoved by him. Or rather, she seemed utterly devoid of any emotion at all. Like an empty husk of a human being. She seemed pretty thin, and on closer inspection, I could tell that the shoulders of her shirt didn't fit quite right. Her voice was steady but her gait wasn't. I had to wonder if she was okay. At any rate, I showed her to the seating area and started making tea. I added extra sugar in hopes of making her feel a bit better. The tea snack of the day was leaf-shaped pies that I'd picked up in the basement of department store.

SEIGI.............. big heart aside What I'm choosing to take from this is that women are wolves. watch out richard. awoooo

Heat treatment. I'd never heard of it before. Richard pulled out documents for the identification report process, explaining the costs and time involved. Ms. Akashi immediately filled out the required forms and then got up. "All right, it's in your hands now. I work during the day, so I'd appreciate it if you only contacted me after 6 p.m. I'm sorry, but I'm pressed for time, so I'll be going now. Thanks." Before I could even offer her some tea, Ms. Akashi had already left. I'd studied on how to handle a situation where a customer tried to run off with a product they hadn't paid for, but this was basically the opposite. She left something and ran off. "...Is this a new kind of scam or something? Like she'll come back and insist that we stole from her and have some scary people beat us up?"

seigi don't be cute. why's this cute. Shut up. you would literally be fine in a fight don't be CUTE. all this coming from the guy who replied But we're not total strangers and posited What if I were a swindler like Seigi can we be serious. you of all people can not talk on this

I took a closer look at the item she left behind. It was a brooch arranged around a central, pure red, oblong ruby. The metal was a polished silver. When I counted, I found there were twelve diamond-encrusted ribbons emanating from the central red stone. There were at least ten small diamonds on each ribbon. The design was elegant. "I know I'm a total amateur when it comes to this stuff, but... this is a really high-quality piece, isn't it?" "Indeed it is." It was hard to believe. Was this really the kind of thing someone would just casually drop off their first time in the shop? What would she do if she came back and it was gone? "She should take better care of it." "I don't think leaving gems in the refrigerator is a particularly good idea, either. But for better or worse, gems reflect the feelings of their owners. So perhaps it's no wonder that those sentiments come out in how they're handled." I ignored his little jab at me and drank the milk tea the customer hadn't even touched.

have I told you two already that you can't have normal fucking conversations. You are not normal

"Richard, I think this is the first time I've ever seen a ruby in person." He said he didn't mind, so I didn't hesitate to gaze at the brooch. The thing that really caught my eye was the red stone in the middle. It was probably more than twice the size of my pink sapphire. It had been about a month since I started working at Étranger—though I'd only actually worked five days so far—but in that time, numerous gems, the names of which I'd never even heard of before, had crossed my eyes. But a ruby had thus far never appeared in the box of treasures. "It really is red... Like when you find a spot of blood in raw chicken." "Was that some sort of joke? Or do you actually understand what you're saying?" "Huh? I'm not sure I follow." "Pigeon blood," Richard enunciated every last syllable. I still didn't follow. "It's a term used to describe the finest of rubies. Just as exquisitely blue sapphires are called 'cornflower blue," the vivid red of the most highly prized rubies is compared to the blood of pigeons. For you to come up with that analogy completely unawares, well, bravo."

richard is impressed because he would not have come up with the analogy himself, and he would not have come up with the analogy himself because . He really really really can't fucking cook. first bravo though :)

Bravo? That's a good thing, right? My mother, Hiromi, didn't have much time to cook, and my grandmother didn't exactly have the most sophisticated palate, so as far as I ever knew, cooking was just a survival skill. But sometimes it was more than that. Like when I'd remove the tendons from chicken thighs to make fried chicken. The real trick was to fry them at a high temperature. Which reminded me— "What's this heat treatment thing you were talking about earlier? Why would you heat up a stone?" "In the case of rubies and sapphires, heating them makes their color more vivid." "Wow! So it must be a chemical reaction, huh? Do you think the first person who thought of trying it was scared? Seems like a pretty big gamble, right? Or do the gems not get burned if you mess up?" "The process is conducted under extremely high temperatures. So if the stone can't handle the heat, it's less that you'll end up with a scorched stone and more that you'd end up with nothing at all."

"It depends on the artisan and the specific stone being worked on, but it's typically around a thousand degrees for anywhere from a few tens of seconds to several minutes. Of course, this isn't the sort of thing that can just be repeated indefinitely. Whether a piece of corundum has been heat treated or not has a significant effect on its value. Padparadscha, like in that ring of yours, is typically a name given to natural—that is, untreated—pink sapphires." "Corundum? Natural pink? Wait, I'm confused." A storm of question marks filled my head. Richard sighed and pulled out Gemstones: An Illustrated Guide. He opened it to the page on rubies. The opposite page was about sapphires. "Let's start from the basics. Do you know the difference between rubies and sapphires?" "...One's red and the other's blue?" "Indeed. That is essentially the only difference." "What?" "You could think of these two stones like siblings. Corundum is the general name for the mineral. Red corundum is called ruby, and all other colors of corundum are called sapphire." So it really was just a difference in color. But then why did they need different names? Why was pink sapphire, "sapphire" and not pink ruby?

categorically refuse to drag you all into my pit trap without making you understand that you will learn things. Please come learn things with me

actually looking back on it now given seigi's usual fare Beauty reigned supreme is subtle for real. good job seigi. You're winning

Richard slid his finger over two squares to the right, pointing to a picture of a stone that was more purple than red and not particularly clear. "If it were between this ruby, ruby A, which has not undergone heat treatment, and ruby B, a stone of a much higher grade that has, which do you think would be considered more valuable?" "Uh... Hm..." Which one would it be? The natural stone? No, it couldn't be that easy. "I think someone would prefer to wear the redder one, and a layperson wouldn't know anything about heat treatment, so I guess ruby B, the higher-grade stone that's been heat treated." "Correct again." "Ooh!"

I was going to put phoenixheadinhands here for seigi's Ooh! because I think hes cute but I need to save image slots for later and also I think you might think phoenixheadinhands is overreaction to seigi Ooh! and you're probably right. chronicling it anyway because I Like To Be Level With You .

"...What do you think her angle is? Maybe it was a gift?" "I'm generalizing here, but people typically want to know the value of something when numbers are important than feelings." Meaning when people wanted to let go of something and turn it into cash. But would someone just looking for quick cash really go out of their way to visit a jewelry shop in Ginza? Judging from her behavior when she was in here, she didn't seem very concerned about money. The more I thought about it, the more mysterious it became. Richard snapped the lid of the jewelry box shut. The very standard black box still looked brand new. "So this is your first ruby, huh? You should consider yourself lucky. You're one of the few people to ever lay eyes on a ruby of such high quality."*

*look I'm not gonna say anything. Also not going to say anything about the everythingelse Look this is a big fucking gun. it's a really big gun. just walk with me.

Richard ended the conversation by declaring it would be a fruitless endeavor. I actually liked how uncompromising he could be. Maybe he was so resolute in his opinions because he worked in an industry that involved dealing with people from all over the world, who might not share the same ideas of what constituted "common sense." It was such a simple, yet valiant attitude. He was so unreasonable that he wouldn't drink anything but water out of a plastic bottle, and he was very particular about cleaning, but he was a good guy at heart. Well, I was pretty sure he was, at least. No other customers came by after that. After we closed up shop at five and I said goodbye to Richard, I wandered around Ginza on my way home. If I were being honest, I'd never really thought much about my criteria for selecting a romantic partner. There were just two callous options: You either have a girlfriend, or you don't. And I'd never had one. Though, truthfully, I was always so busy I never really felt all that desperate to start dating. But as of this moment, I already knew where my happiness lay.

thinking about volume two gripping my head and groaning in agony. Moving on.

As a student enrolled in the economics department of Kasaba University, I couldn't help being excited for Mondays. I had my compulsory English class on Monday. The professor was brutal, especially when it came to attendance, and to make matters worse, it was in building 15—the one without an elevator. The class was harsh enough that you might even be forced to retake an exam if you didn't score high enough.

Shouko Tanimoto. She was the same age as me and a second year in the education department: a delicate, raven-haired angel with soft curls styled into a bob. I was pretty sure her favorite color was white, since I frequently saw her wearing skirts and blouses in that color. I thought it looked very good on her.

TANIMOTO-SAAAANNNNNNNNNN hi pretty girl :)

We'd first met last month, after an information session about the different departments at the university. The crosswalk across the main street near campus was always incredibly crowded during breaks—I was pretty sure only Shibuya and Shinjuku station had crosswalks to rival it. At any rate, I was at the crosswalk when I saw a little old man walking toward me. He looked unsteady on his feet, like he could fall at any moment. That was when a short girl who'd been walking in front of me turned as she passed him, offered him her arm and asked if he was all right. She supported him as he walked, even though her bag was heavy with textbooks and she was heading in the opposite direction. I'd initially meant to just pretend I hadn't seen anything and keep walking, but I slipped over to the other side of the road, grabbed the old man by the arm, and threatened him. "Sir, I don't know how many times I've seen you cross this road today, but it's been more than a few. And you're always clinging to a different girl." The old man let out a little squeak and took off so fast in the opposite direction that it was hard to imagine he was the same person. The area was too crowded to go after him. After I'd crossed to the side I was originally headed for, I regretted what I'd done. If I hadn't said anything, the girl would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have to feel gross about the whole incident. I bowed my head and apologized, and her eyes went wide. "Why are you apologizing? You helped me. I should be thanking you." Her carefree smile made me worry, so I ended up sticking my nose in somebody else's business again. "Even if people look like they're in need of help, there are good ones and bad ones out there.* So you should be more careful." She tilted her head as she walked and smiled again. It was strange. Every time she smiled, I felt like the world got a little brighter. "You're not wrong. But I can't tell a bad person apart from someone who really does need help just by looking at them, so I'd rather help regardless. I wonder if there's a better way to go about it..." The moment she got this bashful look on her face was the moment I fell for her. It even made my own encounter with that old man on the way to class, when I'd offered to walk him to his destination and he scrambled for an excuse and ran off, seem like a sign from the universe or something. I got her name and what department she was in, and the moment I found out we had one class in common, I knew it was fate. She came in first thing in the morning, and I wanted to talk to her, so I came in early on Mondays. Tanimoto spoke slowly. There was always this gentle air about her, and only her. Her friends would tease her, calling her an airhead, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all. If Richard was a crystal clear gemstone slumbering at the bottom of a lake, Tanimoto was a powdered sugar fairy living in the ceiling of a bakery. I felt I could smell the sweets just sitting next to her. From what I could hear from the other girls, it didn't sound like she was dating anyone, either. I wanted to date her so badly. If only I could. I desperately wanted to ask her out. I wanted to walk down the street with her, holding hands. I wanted to go places with her—to the beach or the mountains, anywhere. I couldn't shake the feeling that if I brought it up out of the blue, she'd shut me down in two seconds flat. For as hot as the fire of love was burning in my heart, I had no way to put it out either.

*belatedly realized this is anotherfucking gun Anywa

"Seigi, what's that?" "Huh?" She was pointing at the reference book on minerals I had sitting next to my textbook. I'd borrowed it from the university's main library on my way in, but it was all chemical formulas and stuff—a futile effort for a liberal arts student like myself.

he's just like meee.....

"Seigi, do you like rocks?" "Huh?" Tanimoto flashed me a smile in my confusion. The way she was looking at me made it seem like she was hoping for something. Maybe, just maybe... ...Tanimoto likes gemstones? "I'm researching heat treatment right now!" I began to babble. Tanimoto's chunky bangs swayed softly as she tilted her head to listen. She squinted at me, like someone wearing glasses that weren't the right prescription. Maybe I was being too forward. Maybe I'd made the wrong call. Why the hell did I bring up heat treatment, of all things? Is that really what you talk to a girl about when you're all alone together in a classroom? I screwed up. This is it. I've messed it all up. While I was panicking, Tanimoto turned her head again and said, "Heat treatment for what kind of stone? Or are you just researching it in general?" "Huh?"

seigi how many Huh?s is that now. thats three Huh?s seigi. in so many sentences. lets regroup. do it for your angel tanimoto-san.

"Heat treatment is pretty typical in the world of gemstones. Beryl, quartz, and corundum are the obvious ones, but there are plenty of other stones that change their properties when they're heated." I was so surprised I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room for a few seconds. Then, I was overcome with intense joy. It was like finally seeing the light break at the other end if a very long tunnel. That was the level of emotion I was at. I'd gotten through to her. The bits and pieces of things I'd picked up at my part-time job since this spring helped me get through to her. I wished for just that day—that moment—that I could be Richard. Face included.

you didn't need to bring him up... seigi....

"Yeah, I was looking into the heat treatment of rubies!" "So corundum, then. That's the scientific name for ruby and sapphire." "Right, I've heard that before! I stumbled on the term 'pigeon blood' recently, too." "...Seigi, you know that term means something very special." Tanimoto said with an impenetrable expression and smile on her face, turning into a completely different person than the one I'd known. "Pigeon blood rubies are extremely valuable. They're only found in a particular mine in Myanmar. Rubies are found elsewhere, like Thailand, Sri Lanka, and other parts of Asia, as well as Mozambique in Africa, but the highest quality rubies have always come from Myanmar." She continued, saying that due to geopolitical and supply instability, the prices of the highest quality specimens had skyrocketed. With a smile, she added that even the most beautiful of lights still cast shadows. Her tone wasn't one of half-hearted small talk—it was the tone of someone with strong opinions. So was her expression. "Did you know that rubies and sapphires are technically the same mineral, Seigi?" "I-I did, but... I still don't understand why they're different colors." "To put it simply, they have different impurities in the stone. Corundum is a kind of aluminum oxide, but if a stone has trace amounts of chromium in it, it'll be red, while iron and titanium will produce blue and purple stones. Which means there are techniques for manipulating color, too." "Wow...!" The more she talked, the faster she spoke. Her expression was stern and her voice low—there was a vague atmosphere of solemn dignity about her. She hunched over, crossed her legs, and tensed her eyes so much that it almost looked like someone had drawn a straight line in permanent marker under each of them. This was no bakery fairy standing in front of me but something else. Something more— "Oh, I'm so sorry!" Before I could put my finger on just what she reminded me of, Tanimoto stomped on the brakes. I was so startled I actually gasped. She giggled bashfully, and her face momentarily returned to her usual fairy-like state, though traces of the stern wrinkles about her eyes remained. "I, uh, just really love stones is all. Once I get going, I just can't stop. I'm really sorry."

difficult and even a bit of a narcissist Seigi hes gonna get you back for this. he will get you back. also tanimoto-san I Love You

every time seigi says something lame and econ major-like I cheer

"Good point. My boss said the same thing." "Hmm." Tanimoto let out a listless sigh, and her eyelid twitched. "...Seigi, lemme ask you something. Do you think of gemstones as assets? Or accessories?" "I think they're a little of both, but they can be more than that, too." "Why?" Why? Because I wouldn't consider my grandmother's ring an "asset" or an "accessory." But how was I supposed to explain that? I'm just a part-timer who doesn't know the first thing about gemstones. Tanimoto giggled as I got flustered. She was so cute. So damn cute. "Sorry, I guess I kinda brought the conversation to a weird place. But stones really aren't that complicated. I mean, you're not gonna die without precious gems after all, and I can't think of anyone who really hates them, you know? I think stones have a kinda, like inherit goodness to them." "Yes! Exactly! I think so, too. They might be accessories, or useful ways to bank value, but they're so much more than that... I think they have the power to connect people. And I think that's what I like about them... yeah." I didn't think my explanation was elegant enough to justify even an extremely generous comparison to Richard, but I'd said what I wanted to say. I figured as long as I got the idea across, that was good enough. While I was thinking, Tanimoto tensed her eyes up again and leaned forward—the "other" her was back. "Now I don't want you to think of this as the opinion of an amateur geologist but just as a personal, touchy-feely opinion." "Sure..." After repeating her lengthy preamble again, Tanimoto began, "Stones that are considered 'good' as assets or accessories are usually especially beautiful or rare ones. Like pigeon blood rubies. And that's why we developed the technology to find and reproduce stones of the highest standard of beauty. But there's something kind of cold and sad about chasing beauty defined only by numbers and standards." "You think it's sad?"

"Why? I wanna hear more! I wanna learn more about stones, but I have no idea where to even start. Honestly, I'm so happy right now that I don’t even know how to say it." "...You mean it?" I told her "thank you," and she flashed me a divinely sweet smile. Then she told me that she was the president of her high school geology club, and for some reason they'd given her the nickname "Golgo Tanimoto." I spent class with my head in the clouds, but afterward, we exchanged numbers. I finally, finally did it. And the cherry on top was that she invited me to join her for lunch. Campus was like an alternate dimension when we walked together. I was almost too happy. I had a hard time believing it was real. I felt like someone might throw water in my face at any moment to wake me up and tell me it was all a dream. Unfortunately, reality really did come knocking. "Excuse me, are you Mr. Seigi Nakata?" A man I'd never seen before stopped me just as we stepped out of the gate. He must've been about thirty. He had bright, childlike eyes* and wore an expensive suit. His clothes seemed suited to a more mundane job than Richard's. And, of course, I'd never met him before.

*for the sake of image count it’s not here but I annotated this ?? okay

"I am, but who are you?" "I'm sorry for dropping in on you like this, but I only need a moment of your time. It won't take long." "How did you know my name?" "I can explain, but let's go somewhere a little more private. If you don't mind." "Um, Seigi, maybe I should bow out here." "It's about the jewelry shop in Ginza. If you don't mind." The man didn't seem to pay any attention to how upset I looked. Clearly this guy didn't know what the phrase "If you don't mind," meant. Maybe Richard should give him a Japanese lesson. Painful as it was, I watched Tanimoto leave and followed the man into a local coffee shop. He ordered two coffees. Why am I here with a strange man and not Tanimoto? "...So, what do you want from me? Who are you?" "My name is Takashi Homura. I'm sorry for approaching you out of the blue like that." He handed me the second business card I'd ever received in my life. The first was, of course, Richard's. The company listed on the card was Homura Trading and the address was in Marunouchi—a business district with rents to rival Ginza's. I didn't ask, but he told me that he worked for his family business. Apparently, he was training to become assistant manager. I couldn't have cared less. He pulled a file from his leather bag and showed me a photo. It was a picture of him and a woman with long black hair. They stood in front of a fountain surrounded by tulips, awkwardly linking arms. The woman's face was familiar. She was Ms. Akashi, the woman who brought the ruby in for appraisal. "She's my fiancée. She came by the shop you work at part-time, right?" "...How do you know where I work?" "It's a long story, but I had someone investigate her recent activities. I'm sorry for scaring you." "You had 'someone' investigate her? You mean a private investigator, right? If one of my friends was dating someone like you, I'd tell her to break up with you because she could find someone better." "I can explain. You don't have to stay long, but please hear me out." He bowed deeply and began to explain. He'd met Ms. Akashi almost exactly a year ago. He fell in love with her when she started working for Homura Trading last spring, they got to know each other and eventually became engaged. The parents were on board, and they were on the verge of getting married. "But it's just not working out. She said yes, but she's been dragging her feet, and we're not getting anywhere on making arrangements. I was so excited for the ceremony, and we decided to hold it in August of this year, but there's no way it's happening at this rate. I think it's been going on way too long for it to just be anxiety about the wedding. It's driving my mother crazy... I told her she could just talk to me about it if there was some reason for all this, but she won't tell me anything. I didn't know what else to do." "Why are you coming to me about this? Your behavior is bizarre." "I'm not doing it anymore, but I had her followed for a month." "More like stalked." "During that month, the one thing she did that was different from her usual routine was visit the jewelry shop you work at." "So you decided to follow me to school?" "I'm so sorry. I'll get right to the point. If you have any idea why she was there, could you please tell me, if you don't mind? I just need some kind of clue, however small."

This was probably going to be my lunch. I really should have ordered some pasta so I wouldn't be distracted during my afternoon classes, but I didn't want to eat in front of this guy. He was so stressed I couldn't help feeling bad for him.

‘instantly’ is so funny to me seigi we were celebrating Top 20 #BITCH Moments hit after hit after hit after you were dragged away from tanimoto but NOW you ‘instantly’ feel bad. bleeding heart. bleeding heart who is also a bitch. silly guy Don’t kid yourself. also what’s the count on seigi mentioning richard apropos of anywhere from very little to literally nothing. it’s a lot right

"I don't expect you to understand. I know full well how selfish I'm being, but this was the only lead I had." "...Do you have any idea what your fiancée might have been doing in a jewelry shop?" "Last winter, I gave her a ruby. A brooch with diamond accents. She really liked it... or at least I thought she did when I gave it to her. Maybe I was wrong, though..." He trailed off. I thought so. She hadn't bought that brooch for herself. That's why she wanted to know if the stone had been heat treated and why she didn't know what it had cost. Maybe she really did intend to sell it. "Please. Not knowing is the worst thing in the world. I can't bear the thought of losing her." "Look, I'm sure Ms. Akashi has her reasons. Why can't you just accept that?" "Ms. Akashi?" Huh? The two of us referenced the photo again, and I pointed at Ms. Akashi. She did look a little less gaunt than she was when I saw her at Richard's shop, but her smile was identical—kind of stiff. "Isn't her name Mami Akashi?" "No, it's Mami Sasu." "Sasu?" The two of us exchanged confused looks. He definitely didn't look like he was lying, and he didn't have any reason to lie either. Which meant she'd used a fake name. "I wonder where she got the name 'Akashi' from. There's no one at the company with that name." "Maybe it's a relative's name?" "No, no one related to her is named that, either. Or... at least no one she introduced me to." Suddenly, he looked like an elementary schooler who'd been given the homework for someone in junior high. Funny, considering I thought he was a deplorable villain just moments ago. I thought back to Ms. Akashi storming in and out of the jewelry store. “...Sorry, I have to go. I've got class." I bowed and got up. I knew I couldn't stay there any longer. I'd probably already said something I shouldn't have. I hate this. I really hate it. I'd never shop at a place with an employee who'd sell out customers. I heard Mr. Homura say "thank you" as I left. If I were him, I wouldn't wanna thank the person secretly reporting on a person I loved. I didn't even know who the bad guy was in this situation: the man who hired a private detective to follow his girlfriend around, the woman who used a fake name to get a gemstone she was given as a gift appraised in secret, or the part-timer with loose lips? I left the coffee shop and noticed I'd gotten a text from Tanimoto. It was short, "Everything go okay? We should talk again sometime!" I was so, so happy. Too happy. I realized that if we did start dating and she started acting weird, I could see myself hiring a private investigator, too. I guessed the more you liked someone, the more it could go to your head. After I finished my afternoon classes, I made up my mind: The next time Ms. Akashi aka Ms. Sasu came to the shop, the first thing I would do was tell her what happened today and apologize. She would probably be mad, and I was sure Richard would fire me, but it was the right thing to do.

I’d never shop at a place with an employee who’d sell out customers This is a massive massive gun to me. just horribly massive gun. give it like uhhh six or seven novels? don’t remember Just trust me. anyway refer to phoenixheadinhands Anyway anyway this one was marked in place by richard-gets-slammed.png

"Hold on, Seigi." My eyes went wide at Richard's response, and the person in the leather jacket glared at me. They had on skinny jeans and combat boots. I went back down the stairs, taking a ready stance on the white cobblestone. As the assailant slowly made their way down the stairs onto the sunlight walkway, I realized why I thought my ears were playing tricks on me when they spoke—the attacker was a woman. She was much smaller than Richard, too. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail. It was blonde fading to purple at the ends. She wore bright red lipstick and had sharp eyes. “‘This your shop? Which one of you is the dirty, woman-stealing bastard?” She must've been in her twenties, and she really looked like she belonged more in Harajuku than Ginza. Why on earth was someone like that attacking Richard? Richard fixed his shirt and came downstairs. The suitcase he was never seen without was fine. It didn't seem like the assailant had been trying to steal the gems. “...Lover's quarrel?” "Don't be foolish, I've never met this woman before."

You two are sick.

Apparently, she'd come at him just as he was about to enter the shop. Bizarre. The strange woman glared at me beneath the dull shine of the overcast sky. "You wanna go? This is gonna be fun. Come at me. Underestimate me and you'll regret it." "I'm opposed to using violence against women. Please state your business.["]

��💥💥

- another gun

["]Who is this 'woman-stealing bastard' you're so concerned about? And just who are you?" "Tatsuki Akashi. Twenty-seven years old. I'm a bassist working as a studio musician in Shibuya." Akashi? This Tatsuki Akashi opened her wallet and took out a photo to show us. It was a picture of two women, having fun in what looked like a bar. "Do you know this woman? Tell me everything you know, I don't care how minor. I've got a situation I'm dealing with." The photo was of Tatsuki Akashi, wearing a Japanese national football team uniform, with a big smile on her face and an arm around none other than Mami Sasu. Just as I was getting over the shock of that revelation, I heard someone drop something on the path behind me. It was a brown shoulder bag. And a long-haired woman was standing there. Mami Sasu. Tatsuki reacted first. Mami tried to run, but Tatsuki chased after her and grabbed her hand. "Mami! I finally found you!" "Let go of me! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!" "Do you have any idea how worried I was?! How dare you just up and disappear like that!" The two women began to grapple in the middle of the street. This was not good. Not good at all—but just as that thought crossed my mind, a black taxi pulled up in front of the building. Takashi got out, clearly panicked. "What is wrong with you?! Get away from Mami!" "Oh, are you the woman-stealing bastard? Finally, we meet. You better clench your damn teeth!" "Don't! He's my fiancé!" Mami shouted.

okay did you guys know that the very first episode of La rosa de Guadalupe is rated a 4.8/10 on imdb. I never did watch it as a kid. I’ll tell you what though if I’m remembering faces right a telenovela I DID watch as a kid before or maybe overlapping with the ncisification of our household television time was Por ella soy Eva which I’m sure had no subconscious effects on me and who I am as a person now. Anyway. mess like this would net a way higher score than 4.8/10 on imdb. this was a visual gag before but you gotta understand I'm really stretching that 30 photo maximum

There was only one location in the area that could qualify as a café and was completely free. The owner of the devastatingly handsome face shot the three quarreling adults an ice-cold glare. "I will allow you to use my shop to settle this dispute on the condition that you do not damage anything inside. Understood?" The three of them all looked in different directions and nodded.

always so beautiful to see seigi in my minds eye standing just far enough away from the epicenter of mess. so beautiful for it to not be his fault for once

[…] I hastily prepared four glasses of barley tea from our stock. I didn't really feel like they needed to be served tea like they were customers, but I figured having drinks on the table might keep things a little more in check. Admittedly, that was just for my own peace of mind. Tatsuki and Takashi were seated across from each other in the four-piece lounge set. Richard had taken off his jacket and sat down next to Tatsuki, and across from him was Mami Sasu. I didn't have a chair, so I just stood by the table. I had a good view of everyone's faces from that position. Mami's hands and face looked almost uncannily pale as she sat in the chair, staring intently at her hands clenched in her lap. "Mami and I have been seeing each other for seven years. We were even living together until the winter of the year before last." ...Why did you have to mention that now?" "Because you up and left without telling me!" "Keep your voices down. This is my place of business, not a prison visitation room." Tatsuki hung her head a bit, ashamed, before continuing. She explained that in winter of the year before last, Mami, who she'd been living with up until that point, suddenly disappeared from their apartment. Her phone number had been disconnected and all her contact information had changed, and she'd gotten rid of all her things. Tatsuki frantically searched for her, to no avail. Just as she'd concluded that she must have left the city, a colleague of hers mentioned that they'd spotted a long-haired woman who resembled Mami in Ginza. Tatsuki couldn't contain herself and rushed over. This all happened to line up today. The worst of all possible days for such a coincidence. Tatsuki said they'd been "seeing each other" for seven years. You wouldn't phrase it like that to your friend's fiancé if you were just friends and roommates. More than anything, the vibe between them definitely didn't seem to be just friendship. So it was probably exactly what it sounded like.

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

"I'm sorry for tryin' to beat your ass earlier. All the info I had to go on was that there was an 'unbelievably hot man running a strange store' and that they'd 'seen Mami go into it.' The blood just went straight to my head. You really are unbelievably hot, but there's nothing strange about this store." "I'm flattered that you think so, but I would suggest trying to use your words before you grab someone by the collar next time."

Okay richard do you wanna take this time to maybe reflect on why seigi called you narcissistic earlier

"Um, Ms. Akashi, was it? Just what are you to Mami?" Takashi threw a straight ball, though I got the sense that he probably didn't even know how to throw a curve ball. He seemed the calmest next to Richard, even if that was ultimately just a front. Tatsuki stared at him intently. "Would you be asking the same question if I were a man?" Takashi flushed and hung his head, embarrassed, as she threw a straight ball right back at him. Before she could press the topic further, Mami mumbled, "I fell in love with a man. That's why I broke up with you." An icy chill hung over the shop.

Sorry everyone but can we please stop doing this. it’s killing the vibe. is anybody even drinking seigi’s tea

Richard and I exchanged silent glances and remained focused on Tatsuki's behavior. I really wasn't in the mood to have to kick someone out for causing trouble. ...What are you talking about? You were just going to toss me aside like I mean nothing to you to be with him? Bullshit!" "I was trying to be realistic about my future." "You always did mistake pessimism for realism. You're just a coward. Or is the old, 'normal is better' Mami back again? I certainly haven't missed that side of you." "We couldn't keep living together like we were going to be young forever. I'd just found a new job and everything. It was perfect. You don't mean anything to me anymore. I want to start over. Just forget about us and move on with your life." "Let me stop you there," Richard interrupted. The more Mami spoke, the sicker she looked, and she never so much as glanced at Tatsuki through the whole thing. With wide-open eyes and through gritted teeth, Tatsuki let out a little, "I see how it is. ...So, I don't mean anything to you, huh? Fine. But you listen here, Mami, that's not even what I'm mad about. We were dating. Dating. Remember? For seven years. Why couldn't you have said one word—just one word—to me before you up and vanished? I thought you might be dead. I thought maybe you got mixed up in something crazy and were lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I went to the police. I talked to all your old friends. Awful thoughts kept me up at night. I was driving myself crazy asking myself if it was my fault." "Well, that's all on you." "Just calm down, both of you. Please." I tried to mediate in a low tone, but really, I was thinking about something entirely different. Part of Tatsuki's story didn't seem to add up. Mami met Takashi in the spring of last year. If that was also when they started dating, then Mami would have left Tatsuki's apartment the previous winter before she met Takashi. But then, why did she come into the shop using "Akashi" instead of "Sasu"? Richard must've noticed this as well but politely held his tongue. If I was going to make up for the mistake I made when Takashi caught me at school, this was my only chance. But the moment the thought crossed my mind— "Mami, why did you use the name 'Akashi' when you came here?" Takashi beat me to it.

man would it kill you to just sit quiet for once. once in your damn life.

Mami had a look of abject despair on her face. She'd gone from white as a sheet to the color of death. She glanced at Richard and then at me, grimacing. There was no way she couldn't know whose fault that was. There was probably nothing I could possibly do to earn her forgiveness at that point. Tatsuki was baffled. "What? Akashi? What's he talking about, Mami?" I couldn't say that Mami looked like she was enjoying herself in Takashi's photo from that spring, even if I was trying to be generous. But in Tatsuk's photo of her, she looked happy and healthy—almost like a different person entirely. "This situation seems to be more complicated than I thought, so let me explain my side. She and I have been engaged for a year, and the wedding is set for August. But I have a proposal." "Oh, shut up. Just get married or whatever." "Mami, I don't mind if you cheat on me," Takashi said. For a moment, I thought Takashi had lost his mind. Tatsuki seemed to have the same reaction, and the two of us just sat there in a state of wordless shock. Mami looked up, her face expressionless. Takashi smiled, like a young father trying to reassure his small child. It was a forced smile though. You could see it in his eyes. "I do feel a bit sad that you never talked to me about your past, but I know you had your reasons. But I have a suggestion: Couldn't you think of love and marriage as separate things? I love you, and that'll never change, no matter what happens. You can just marry me and keep going out with Ms. Akashi if you like. Then everything can proceed as planned." His smile sent a chill down my spine. He's proposing that his fiancée date someone else? What does marrying Mami Sasu actually mean to this man? What does he even like about her?

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

Tatsuki clicked her tongue, breaking the silence. "Who the hell is this little rich boy anyway? Gimme a damn break, do you even hear what you're saying?" "I do. I can simply think of an affair with another woman as her having a 'very good friend' rather than romance. It won't bother me." "Well, I'm sayin' it'll bother me!" "I believe Mami already said that you don't mean anything to her anymore." Tatsuki snapped. Richard intervened after Takashi took a punch to the jaw. He was about to get into it with her, and if we let him, the situation would have devolved into complete chaos from there. I got him in an armlock when he stood up, but he still fought me. Before I knew it, Mami had stood up and grabbed her bag. "Mami! Wait!" She glared at me in response and ran down the stairs. While the cat and mouse were fighting, the cheese ran away. I felt like I'd seen a cartoon like that when I was a kid.

jesus. how could this get worse, I hear you asking. Ha ha ha ha ha

"I have some idea. I'm sure I could track her down." "Please do. Let me help." "Seigi," Richard softly scolded me. My one saving grace was the fact that we had no other appointments that day. Though it was beyond too late, I confessed that I'd told Takashi her name when he ambushed me as I was leaving campus. I thought Tatsuki might hit me, too, but she was just flabbergasted. "Richard, I'm so sorry. I know you put your trust in me. Take it out of my wages for today or fire me, whatever you think is appropriate. I'll do whatever's necessary to apologize to Mami."

Tatsuki and I rushed out of the shop at the same time. When we got downstairs, she tossed a card at me. It had the logo of a bass clef on it, along with her contact information. "I'll search Shibuya. Check any place you wouldn't think twice about a young woman being alone! If Mami dies, I'm gonna kill you, that Homura guy, and your boss!" Tatsuki slipped into the parking lot behind the building and reappeared in front of the store on a motorcycle, racing down the street. I looked up at Richard's jewelry shop, brought my hands together, and bowed my head before running toward the subway station.

[BOMB] [BOMB] [GUNFIRE] [EXPLOSIONS] [WILHELM SCREAM] also étranger treated as a place to pray to Seigi I’m gonna fucking get you. I’m gonna get you.

[マヨらサーティンreference.png] <- keeping that marker in actually

There’s just something about knowing the person you like believes in you that gives you strength.

If I hadn't said anything to Takashi back then, things wouldn't have gotten this bad. I knew regretting it now wouldn't change anything, but I did desperately want a chance to make it right.

I asked people if they'd seen a woman with long black hair who seemed kind of unwell but came up empty-handed. Just as I was trying to figure out what to do next, I got a text. It was from Tatsuki.

"Asakusa Shrine. We'd go there every year for the first shrine visit of the year. If you're close, take a look around there, please. There was an accident in Sangenjaya, so the line's stopped. I won't be able to leave for a while."

Asakusa. I could get there on the Ginza Line. Takashi must've had his hands full searching Tokyo Station. I replied that I'd take the express line from Ueno and hurried down into the subway.

Asakusa was crowded with tourists going to see the Skytree on a Saturday afternoon. I slipped under the massive paper lantern. The stalls were so crowded that it looked like a theme park. Kimono shops, Ningyo-yaki stalls, candied fruit sellers.

I made it back to the main hall of Senso-ji. Immediately to its right was Asakusa Shrine.

The grounds of the shrine were so peaceful and quiet, it was hard to imagine the hustle and bustle of the shopping arcade was just a few hundred feet away. The guardian lion-dog statues seemed to be almost lounging atop the white sand—and there was a woman with long black hair sitting on a bench. She was holding something that looked like a milk carton, with her legs splayed out comfortably. She waved when she noticed me. I let out a weird sound.

"Mami!"

My feet sank into the white sand as I ran across the grounds. I couldn't even laugh about it. I sat down next to her, and Mami set the carton she'd been drinking at her feet. It had "sake" written on it and was mostly empty.

"Did Tatsuki send you here? You guys really don't know how to respect a person's privacy."

"Sorry. I mean it, I'm really sorry. This is all my fault. Richard had nothing to do with it."

"I know. I don't really care anymore." She laughed.

She looked desperate. She probably didn't want Tatsuki or Takashi to see her like that.

"This reminds me of the first shrine visit of the year. This place is always full of people. Tatsuki's family makes kimono, so every year, we'd get dressed up for our visit. People would always tell us we looked so pretty or ask if we were sisters, which would make Tatsuki a little mad, of course. She can be so funny... You know about otakiage events, right? People would bring the talismans they kept in their homes for the past year to this place to be burned and honored in a memorial service. There's always a huge pile of charms and talismans to burn…"

"I'm going to call both of them. Tatsuki and Takashi are both very worried about you."

"Just let me talk a little more. You can call them after. It doesn't really matter."

"Yes, it does matter! They're both frantically searching for you!"

"Every time I would see that pile, I'd find myself wishing someone would burn me up, too."

Mami coughed. I was about to call them when she reached out for my phone to stop me.

I knew she didn't really want to talk to me alone. She didn't really want to talk to anyone.

"...So are you just gonna sit here drinking forever?"

"That wasn't the plan at least. I wanted to finally make a decision."

She stared off into space with a dreamy look on her face as she continued. She wasn't even looking at me, "I thought I could make it work, but I guess I was wrong. In my head, I knew what I needed to do, but I couldn't make my body cooperate. I couldn't sleep. I tried to eat, but it'd all just come right back up. I started losing weight to the point that it was just disgusting. Takashi is such a nice man, too... I guess I was just never going to be capable of marrying a man. I hate myself."

"What's the big deal? You don't have to force yourself to get married! Plus, utilitarian relationships are the furthest thing in the world from romance—that's what my boss thinks at least."

"Do you think I don't know that? It doesn't matter what anyone else says, though. I don't like myself, and I'll never be happy with the way I am. I always wanted to be a normal woman who got married to a man she loves and lived happily ever after, and I've always despised myself for not being that person."

"It doesn't matter, Tatsuki..."

Mami let out another weird cough mid-sentence. She seemed unsteady.

“…I'm sorry for causing you all this trouble. This had nothing to do with you, but I didn't see any other way."

"Any other way?"

Just as I asked that, she collapsed onto the white sand. The empty paper carton toppled over without a sound, and a plastic bag full of empty pill packages fell out of her brown shoulder bag. Alcohol and pills. This was her plan from the start.

"Mami!"

I shouted at her and smacked her cheeks, but she wouldn't wake up. I don't know what to do. Make her throw it up? But how? I had no idea. Hospital. I have to get her to a hospital. Ambulance.

I started running as I called for an ambulance on my phone. I didn't see anyone in the nearby shrine office. I ran to the closest food stall, looking for help, and they told me there was a hospital in the back. The back? The back where? There were plenty of elements here designed to mourn the dead—Kaminarimon, the garden, the pagoda, the temple, the shrine. This wasn't a joke. Where the hell is the hospital?

The back wheels of the vehicle rolled up onto the white sand as the metal steed abruptly changed course.

okay richard who’s the knight in shining armor NOW?

She arrived precisely on time for her appointment: Saturday at eleven 'o clock. The royal milk tea was just the right temperature.

"We've been expecting you. Please have a seat."

Mami had cut her long hair to just below her ears.

She looked much healthier than when I first met her, but that wasn't the only reason she seemed more cheerful than before. She looked me right in the eye and smiled.

"It's been ages. Have you been well? You know, I nearly died in Asakusa last month."

"I'm well aware. That isn't very funny.["]

well to be honest with you it’s pretty funny to me. Sorry

"The stone is 3.05 carats, AAA grade, originating from Mogok in Myanmar. It has not been heat treated. Ten million yen would be a conservative valuation."

I almost dropped the tray of tea. Ten million. Ten million. The stone she so casually dumped at the shop was worth ten million yen.

Mami seemed only a little shocked by the value. She let out a half-hearted "I see," and looked at the brooch that had finally been returned to her. She looked as though she were staring in a mirror.

[…]

Her hand under the jewelry box shifted, making the pigeon blood stone glimmer in the light.

"I also read that because we've only had heat treating technology for a few decades, no one knows what will happen to the stones in a century or so. Is that true?"

"If we're talking about modern heat treatment technology, it's conceivable someone may have said that. However, rubies have undergone heat treatment for over three hundred years. The process has a long history."

"The history of the pursuit of beauty, you could say."

Mami forced an awkward smile, went silent for a moment, and then began to mutter.

"I didn't regret my decision. I always wanted to be that girl. I didn't think what I was doing was wrong. But... as the wedding got closer, I started to feel afraid of my choice for the first time. And that's why I wanted to have the ruby checked."

She explained that if the ruby turned out to be heat treated, she would go through with the wedding. But if it wasn't, she'd rethink what she was doing. I guess that's what she meant by using it to tell her fortune. What on earth?

"Don't you have that backwards? I mean, a beautiful, untreated stone is way more valuable."

"All the more reason I shouldn't marry someone who would give me something like that. If only he'd given me some cheap trinket instead..."

I was so confused, my eyebrows started to twitch. Richard didn't say a word. Mami seemed to misunderstand the reason I was frowning.

"He's not a bad person. Sure, I was surprised he hired a private investigator, but it came from a good place. He might lose his cool sometimes, but... he really is a kind person."

I still wasn't sure exactly what sort of guy Takashi was. There were plenty of things about his behavior I wasn't crazy about, but he didn't seem irredeemably horrible, either. But that was probably why she considered marrying him.

don’t worry seigi look me in my eyes. You’ll never have to think about homura-san eeeever again after this. never ever.

"You must be tired from all that talking. Please, have some tea."

Mami took a sip of the tea at Richard's behest, and her eyes went wide. She stared at me.

"This is really good. Thank you."

"I learned how to make it from my boss," I said triumphantly.

Mami forced a smile and turned to Richard, "I believe you told him something to the effect of, 'utilitarian relationships aren't love.' That's a pretty powerful sentiment."

Richard shrugged, "You actually remembered that?"

I made an awkward expression, and Mami said to me with a smile, "Thank you for saving my life. It feels strange to be able to say that now, when I've wanted to die for such a long time."

She said it again. I had to wonder if she was really all right.

refer to phoenixheadinhands.

Richard pulled out the identification report and pointed to the "client" field. Mami's eyes went wide. It said "Mami Akashi."

"Could I trouble you to correct this? I do have to ask though, why did you use a false name?"

"...I'm so sorry. I don't even know, myself. I would use that name for fun when I was living with Tatsuki. Not that I've even said it at all recently..."

Mami took another sip of the royal milk tea I'd made. I couldn't say she was completely happy and free of worry, but she did look relieved. But what do I know, really?

"Um, so I don't mind if you don't want to answer this question, but why did you think it would be a good idea to force yourself to get married to a man?"

seigi loves to start an incredibly personal question like あのう…

"Why? Because that is what's considered 'normal' to most people in the world."

I looked confused. Mami continued.

"Do any of your friends live with their same-sex partner? Probably not, right? I'm not even talking about discrimination or harassment but the constant exhaustion of knowing you're not 'normal.' It's like trying to grow vegetables in the middle of the desert. I always wondered why I had to go through all this hardship that other people didn't, but maybe that's ultimately a grass-is-always-greener kind of thing."

"I mean, there are plenty of people who never get married, too."

"I know."

Mami told us about how she was raised. Don't cause other people trouble. Don't stand out too much. Live a normal life. Go to a normal school. Get married and have kids like a normal person. Raise them like normal. Grow old like normal. She was taught that this was the most comfortable, least remarkable, most trouble-free way to live. For example, she was taught to keep herself at a standard retail size when it came to clothing. Medium. The size that most people wear.

When she was on a school trip in junior high, a massive typhoon hit. Her home was destroyed, and her entire family died. News all over the country covered it as an unfortunate incident.

"That made me stand out a lot," she said, smiling while hardly moving the rest of her face. "Tatsuki and I are polar opposites. She hates 'normal.' She's the kind of person who makes her own clothes. I found it charming when we met, but when we lived together, we were so poor. I couldn't see a future for us, so I couldn't help thinking that maybe 'normal' really was better. I wanted to have an easier life. That's why I went back to full-time work, too."

"But it wasn't easier at all, was it?"

"Sure wasn't. Deathly so."

Mami laughed. Her laugh sounded so much brighter than her desperate voice back at the shrine, but I couldn't help still feeling worried for her.

"I don't think you should try that again. There are people who might die of grief if something were to happen to you. You'll be doing them a favor by valuing yourself more. This is starting to sound like a lecture, but I really mean it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"You're probably right, but you know, it's still pretty hard to believe. It's weird, isn't it? I'm a total stranger with no family to speak of, but there are people I hurt just by treating myself like garbage."

"It is pretty weird. But when you love someone from the bottom of your heart, it changes you. I think that's only natural. I mean, maybe that's just what love is, right?"

But there was just something about her in that moment, like she felt unbearably sad, guilty, and heartrendingly happy all at the same time.

Mami wiped her eyes and looked at me like a displeased queen. "You don't look that much younger than me. Has anyone ever told you how presumptuous you are?"

"Sounds like somebody's just being a little childish to me."

"You know, you really are insufferable. Even if you did save my life."

I smirked, and Mami let out a slightly bashful laugh. That was the first time I felt like I could understand how the people who spent that day running around Tokyo and crying over her felt.* She really was charmingly awkward.

*- guy who spent that day running around tokyo over her. seeeiiiiigiiiiiii........

My boss, who had been silently listening the whole time, nodded, took a sip of his tea, and set the cup down.

"Ms. Sasu, do you know what a carat is?"

"You mean like how this ruby is 3.05 carats?" Mami confirmed.

"Exactly," Richard nodded. Then he looked at me, "Seigi, do you still remember what carats measure?"

“...They're a unit of measure for the weight of gemstones. One carat is 0.2 grams."

He replied with a "bravo." The question made me remember the time I'd asked him why they used carats and not grams. It was the day Mami showed up in the store for the first time.

"It's said that jewelers in ancient Greece used carob seeds to measure the weight of stones. Each of those seeds weighed around 0.2 grams. In Greek, the word for carob seed is 'kerátion,' which eventually became the word carat as we know it today."

One seed. One carat. I imagined someone with curly hair and dressed in a toga, placing seeds on a scale against a gemstone. I guessed seeds and gemstones were pretty similar in scale in terms of size and weight.

"In short, the carat is a unit of measurement created by jewelers specifically for gemstones and used exclusively for gemstones. It may not have the broad utility of centimeters and kilograms, but it's still useful for weighing gems. Of course, you could convert it to grams, but personally I find a world with a variety of diverse units of measurement much more comfortable, beautiful, and rich for it."

Mami giggled, like she understood something.

"Despite your cool and collected demeanor, you're quite passionate, aren't you? Well, I hope to be someone who makes the world a richer place, too."

"Everyone has their own universe, but the main difference is whether they turn their back on it or embrace it to cultivate it into a deep, bountiful sea. You mentioned using the stone to tell your fortune earlier, but the thing is, gemstones are mirrors that reflect their owners. You would have never received an answer that you didn't already desire."

“......"

"Ms. Sasu, I believe you already had your answer the moment you set foot in this shop."

“…I guess I'm the only one who didn't know that."

Richard flashed her a gentle smile that reminded me of a calm sea. I was kind of shocked to learn he could make an expression like that. Mami smiled meekly. She was a pretty impressive person to be able to ignore that face of his.

then here comes gayboy interrupting a tender moment of connection anyway #LESBIAN

"So, about the charge for the identification report. How much was it again?"

[…]

"It's on the house. I believe what you need right now isn't fine jewelry but to turn your gaze inward to your own sparkling beauty. Should the day come that you desire a gemstone that matches your own inner luster, please contact me. I promise I'll find you the perfect piece."

"Thank you. You've really gone above and beyond for me."

Mami bowed deeply, put the brooch away in her shoulder bag, and left the shop.

I was still a little worried, so after a moment, I poked my head out to watch her leave. I was greeted by the rev of a motorcycle engine as a bike with two people on it sped past.

“...You know, I've thought this ever since we were coming back from Kobe on the Shinkansen, but you really are a bleeding heart, aren't you? You care more about your customers' well-being than profit. Or are you thinking about how you sometimes have to take a loss to profit in the long run?"

"I'm not sure you'd call this a loss. I made a connection with Mr. Homura."

"With Takashi?"

"I met with him once more after the incident. His family are avid jewelry collectors. We already have plans for me to show them several pieces when next we meet."

I shouldn't have expected anything less from a globe-trotting salesman. If someone had a stone that incredible to begin with, landing them as a customer would probably be profitable in the end. He did sound a little embarrassed about it, though.

"What'd Takashi say?"

"Just that if I had any good stones, he wanted to see them. That's all."

“...Huh."

- words that won’t be of any consequence several novels from now

He was a pretty baffling person, too. I still couldn't believe he told someone he was really in love with that he didn't care if she cheated on him. Though at the same time, if you were really, painfully in love with someone who was truly hopeless... I could see how you might come to the conclusion that it didn't matter if you weren't number one in their heart, as long as you could be by their side. No matter what form that took, or how much you had to give up. I felt like I could understand that a little, at least.

But only just a little. I wasn't saying I understood pain so bad that it made you want to die.

"Prejudice isn't a question of preference but one of whether you are offering other human beings the bare minimum courtesy of treating them as human."

Richard cleared his throat when I said that was what I loved about him.

everybody do me a favor and look up 'hayao miyazaki smoking stressed'. thanks. Seigi I kind of hope you die

Richard looked at me like he was waiting for something, and I just smiled at him. "You know, you really are shockingly handsome, even when you frown."

The implication being, "test me all you like." I had reflected on my actions after that incident, after all.

STOP! ❌ ✋ 🛑 🙅 🚫 ALTO! SEIGI ヤメロ

Suddenly the displeased look left Richard's face and was replaced with a smile—like flipping a switch. It was strange, though, like a doll made of ice smiling. So beautiful it was terrifying.

"Thank you very much. I think I have a thorough understanding of where you're coming from."

"D-do you now? Well, good. You know, you're kinda… scary right now."

"We've run out of our stock of sweets. Would you run out and buy some more?"

dumb stupid idiot’s Last Ever Task. how the fuck am I gonna fit all these photos. Oh well

"This is too much. I can't buy all this. What are you thinking?"

Just as I fired off that text, another one came in. It wasn't from Richard. My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw the name "Tanimoto."

"Hi, Seigi! Is it true that you were in a sports car in Asakusa? My friend who works at a shop near the temple said the driving was incredible! Sounds like it was a really interesting game of hide-and-seek!"

What a misunderstanding. What a massive misunderstanding. And it was already being embellished in the telling.

I didn't even want to look at it. I didn't even notice that I was on a different message chain when I fired off a reply.

"Is that sports car yours, Seigi? Show it to me sometime!"

I'd sent my "got it!" in reply to Tanimoto's message.

The phrase "just deserts" came to mind.

it really should be ‘just desserts’ given our circumstances

I bought everything on the list and returned to the shop where Richard greeted me like everything was normal. He hadn't done anything wrong. Really, he hadn't.

(he had.)

It was all my own fault.

(it was.)

I'd understood the point he made but failed to put it into practice.

boy did you.

and that concludes this edition of Seigi Sunday on “The Ruby of Truth”. on this [punctual] [Sunday].

#seigi sundays #ITS SUNDAY TO ME!!!! ITS THE RIGHT SUNDAY TO MEEE!!!!!#lateness the consequence of one of the biggest pain in the ass semesters of my life. At least i have my best friend seigi #<- amending that tag to also include. like the flu? maybe? Got real gunked up. but at least i have my very best friend seigi……..#also Yeah the indentations are all screwed up in the second act because i had to them on my phone. i’ll see if tumblr won’t actually let me #fix em once i post the thing. in the meantime let me review for any other things that got janked by fucked up saving mechanics #Coming back after review. it should be fiiineeeeee #Be free. long fucking post #edit after posting: Fucked up indentations are here to stay #the case files of jeweler richard

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kwillow · 2 years ago

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Ambroys basking in his cache of gifts and sweet words from secret admirers. Gotta be careful, though. If his ego is inflated any more, he'll pop.

(I wanted to doodle something to accompany a post answering some messages regarding this candy-colored cad but got a bit carried away. :P Well regardless, asks under the cut!)

Why thank you! He would drunkenly insult people, though he tends to be more passive-aggressive and backhanded rather than outright insulting - well, most of the time, anyway. He thinks he's a lot more subtle in his derogatory comments than he actually is.

Aaaw, this is too sweet!

Older Ambroys is much more reserved about seeking and accepting physical affection than his younger self, for myriad reasons (that one day I will expound upon in more detail, fate willing). He still enjoys it, though.

He's still proud of the stars on his cheeks and the gold in his hair and all that, but the signs of age are something he is not at peace with. For some, like the wrinkles, they're a sign that his time on this earth is finite - and death terrifies him. For others, like his paunch, it's more just embarrassing to him in a more mundane and vain "I was voted Prom King in high school and I was on the Varsity track team now look at me I'm an old man boo hoo hoo" type of way (though he's actually more physically adept in his older age than he was when he was younger for Magical Heritage Bullshit reasons, the sentiment remains).

As for your question, it's totally fine with me for Ambroys to be portrayed as non-heterosexual in fanfic or fanart or one's secret imaginings. Even though all of his "canon" love interests are women, I wouldn't rule out of the possibility of him developing affections for someone who isn't a woman. Chase your bliss!

Haha well both furry and aasimar Ambroys would bask in the attention, though poor aasimar Ambroys' jealousy is not going to be helped!

No shame on being a furry though. I didn't consider myself one either but I feel like it's harder to make the argument that I'm not given the sheer number of ponies I've drawn by now...

He would accept this, so long as you don't mess up his hair.

He would say: "good!" I would say "don't waste your life on him!"

Oh he would be pleased to be so distracting, I'm sure.

And sometimes we can't help but to have a type... I know I seem to have a thing for rich effete douchebags with buck teeth and big pointy noses... not quite sure what's up with that.

Yessss... yesssssssss... or perhaps I should say "I'm sorry."

I didn't mean to make him this way... I guess I underestimated the power of a brushable mane.

Ambroys DOES like being worshipped (way too much and way too literally, as you might be able to tell) but he wants to have his imperfections hidden if he can!

He's just horribly, horribly vain and unwilling to let go of his youth... even though he got to enjoy being youthful for three times as long as a mortal would.

YES that song is on his playlist (which I have for all my main characters because I'm a dork). It's just too perfect. One of the many ideas on my miles-long to do list has to do with depicting a scene from that song. The trouble is that it has to do with dancing, and boy am I not very good at drawing dancing poses. xD Oh well, gotta try for the boy!

Heh well I think we could agree that a normal horse probably couldn't pull off the breeches he wears quite so well... I'm flattered that you think of him when you see horsies in the flesh! Huzzah, I've ruined one of the Earth's beautiful creatures for you! >:)

Oh wow, my guy is stepping out of my brain and into other people's subconsciouses... I need to put a leash on him. :P But this was a fun read!

It's very in character Ambroys to try to undercut a rival's self-esteem by framing it as something OTHER people say, but oh no, he'd NEVER say something like that, of course. Mean girl behavior. He does have friends that don't actually like him - and he doesn't like them either. But one needs to have friends for appearance's sake - just one more accessory, really!

OKAY, I think that's everything! Or at least enough for this post, ahah.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words on my not-so-kind character.

Unlike him, I'm really humbled and grateful by the positive reception he's received. I deeply appreciate your kind messages... even when it takes me eons to reply to them, gah.

#my draws #ambroys #amaranthine #asks #technically?#furry #unicorn #some of these are months old i'm so sorry Dx #my excuse this time is that I have what I fear is an RSI developing in my wrist/arm #so I'm trying to limit drawing/typing #alas... just can't catch a break between work and the limits of my weak human form

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disgruntledkittenface · 2 months ago

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I started getting more involved in fandom and on tumblr a few months after my dad died. It was a weird time to become involved in a new community because I feel like I really started shutting people out during that time. I shared less of myself and held people at arm's length because I felt like I couldn't trust them with my grief. I had never had a loss like that before and I didn't know what to expect. It hit me sideways, and I felt like no one understood. And to be fair, most people I knew didn't understand simply because they hadn't been through it (and I've learned that grief is very individual – another person losing their dad might not understand my experience anyway). Grief makes people uncomfortable. They don't want to talk about it. And when I did talk about it, and I didn't get what I wanted or needed from those interactions, it really hurt.

It might have gotten easier if my mom hadn't started declining so soon after my dad died. At first, my sisters and I didn't know what was happening. I was the last of the three of us to really accept that she even was declining, and the way they would talk about her made me feel really protective of her. I haven't always been close to my sisters, and being at odds with them about how to take care of my mom really damaged our relationships for a long time. I felt like my dad wouldn't be proud of us because we weren't working together to take care of her. And I knew my mom was embarrassed by the symptoms of her Alzheimer's and didn't want people to see her having trouble with her memory and taking care of herself, so I didn't talk about it very much.

So writing fic really helped me communicate, but I don't think that translated into sharing the minutiae of day here very often. I think my Scorpio placements will always make it hard not to stick to a small, close circle, but I swear I used to be better at this. Since my mom died in January, I haven't felt very connected to the fandom. I don't feel like I fit in, I don't feel like I care about the same things. And it was really hard watching everyone have a collective experience of grief the last few weeks when grief has been so isolating for me. I can't imagine the difference it would have made to share it.

So when I thought about writing something about how I feel this morning, I felt like wait, I don't really do that, I can't do that. I felt that instinct to keep everything in and safe or something. I also worry about articulating something correctly more than maybe I should. I don't like to process what I'm feeling in front of people; I want to process and then say something. But I think that's holding me back.

The 2016 election happened less than a month after my dad died. I remember that week and it was fucking awful. I had trouble sleeping. I felt betrayed by my home state, Michigan. I thought I didn't know people who supported him. I didn't realize how white women held up white supremacy. I had no idea that he would resonate with so many people. But I didn't cry. I think I was already so fucking depressed that I just didn't have it in me.

I woke up this morning and I opened an email from NYT (which, why are they even emailing me, I'm not a subscriber) and it said that he won. And my first thought was no he didn't. My second reaction was to look for the punchline. But there wasn't one. The fact that I didn't expect it for a second time was the punchline, I guess. My husband seemed like he didn't want to talk about it at first. We talked a little before he left for work, but it's kind of like preaching to the choir when we talk because we usually agree.

I didn't cry until after my husband left. I was reading emails that I do actually subscribe to, and I just started sobbing. And it kind of took me by surprise, and I think that's because I didn't cry last time. I just really thought he was only playing to a vocal minority. When I was younger, I thought progress was linear, and it's just really disillusioning to realize that it's more cyclical. The idea of backlash to progress is just so fucking depressing. And I think I understand intellectually that people (straight white cis men and the women who uphold them) feel threatened by marginalized communities having equal rights, but emotionally I fundamentally do not understand. Like the idea of a trans kid having access to gender affirming care in Texas is somehow hurting anyone.

They want to get rid of no fault divorces so that women can't be independent and leave shitty men. They want to take away access to abortion, knowing it affects marginalized people more. But they don't want to do ANYTHING to help a baby after they're born. It's all so fucking transparent. And I don't think he believes in anything ideologically except that he should have power, and so many people's lives are going to be affected on a daily fucking basis in the name of what? (I know, white supremacy.)

None of this is anything you haven't already heard, and heard articulated better or more wittily by someone else. But I wanted to actually say it this time.

#cw grief #cw us election #felt like sharing this morning <3

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cresent971 · 24 days ago

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My feelings for Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson will never change at all but my feelings for people who treat them like garbage will turn to anger and rage and frustration I'll never fully understand why people these days think they have the right to start causing trouble for these two lovebirds in general this is not funny nor entertaining anymore I'll never fully understand why people got the nerve to start disrespecting Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley this is not funny anymore this is ridiculous and pathetic already if people cannot stop ripping them apart like they did after i was born in the mid to late 1990s this isn't funny anymore I'll always support Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley but i will not support anyone trying to rip them apart it's not funny nor comical anymore this is immature and saying I'm a useless know it all who thinks it's acceptable to rip two people who love each other apart you cannot be serious right now this is immature and selfish and childish nobody has the energy nor the patience for this nightmare at all people these days think they are bad and big and tough that's a lie they'll do this because they think they feel inferior to others let's face it if they believe that then they are morons nobody is gonna put up with their snarky behavior this is actually saying i have nothing better else to do with myself than try to act inferior to others that's one way to embarrass yourself and say I'm an idiot who takes joy out of messing with people's relationships this is absolutely ridiculous people should really stop thinking they know so much about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley and they end up being disrespectful and other stuff are you serious right now really this is screaming I'm a no good lowdown attention seeking idiot who finds enjoyment out of ruining relationships between two who truly loved each other I'll never fully understand why people thought it was a wise decision to break up two people who indefinitely loved each other but these heartless people didn't want them together this is Digusting and wrong I'll never understand why people think they have the upper hand when it comes to relationships or an everlasting bond between people that actually loved each other deeply Lisa Marie and really did love Michael jackson a lot she truly cared for him and made him happy when i found out they had split up i was upset and not happy at all I just wish their love could've expanded and grown into something magical and long lasting memories they are together In heaven without these vile people ripping them apart this makes my blood boil badly I'll never fully understand or comprehend why people think they can just ruin someone's relationship with their significant other this needs to stop already I'm not happy anymore I'm getting infuriated already this is childish and immature

#music #king of pop #pop music #michael jackson #lisa marie presley

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soapy-soartp · 6 months ago

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Trying my hand at Whumperless Whump Event of July by @whumperless-whump-event

(Pls be nice this is my first writing event)

Day: 1- EMERGENCY FIRST AID

Prompt: Self-done stitches / Alcohol as sanitizer / "It's just a scratch, I've had worse." -> different meeting Hualian AU, by a twist of fate HC stumbles upon his recently injured and very disheveled god, he invites his god to his house, naturally Xie Lian accepts

Fandom: Heaven Official's Blessing, TGCF

Characters: Hua Cheng / Xie Lian

His highness collapsed.

Hua Cheng has finally found him again and he collapses. The ghost rushes forward to stop him from further injuring himself. He hooks his beloved's arms above his own and slowly lowers them both to the ground, his highness’ back to his chest.

Never has Hua Cheng felt as worthless and unworthy as he does at this very moment.

His highness is here! In his arms! How dare he lay a hand on him without asking. How dare he put his unworthy hands on his highness. He has no right to, he’s worthless. After all, why did it take him so long to find him? He should apologize-

His spiraling thoughts were cut off by a barely heard wince and the person in his arms shifting ever so slightly.

“Your hi- erm Daozhang? Are… are you alright?” He asks, concern clearly coloring his tone and face as he peers down at his god.

Stupid question of course not- if he was alright why would he collapse!

“Ahaha… I’m alright! It's just a scratch, I've had worse!” Was the response and his beloved turned a concerning shade of red.

“A scratch?- You’re hurt?! Your- Daozhang!! Please allow this humble one to help!” He pleads, beginning to panic in his own right looking over the man in his arms.

That's when he notices the other’s very disheveled and filthy appearance.

“Daozhang-“ The ghost starts, obviously distressed, but he was cut off by the man in his lap trying to get up on his own.

His god must have suffered and lived in squalor for who knows how long! The thought has the ghost’s heart heavy with grief and guilt.

“I'm fine! I'm fine! I patched myself up!” The man in tattered robes says as he shakily tries to stand, but he falls again with a low hiss.

The ghost swoops in to steady the other and he says earnestly, “If this Daozhang wouldn’t mind, it would still make this one feel better if you allowed him to check your injuries… I fear you may have reopened a wound or something got infected, so if you could?”

“Ah… No no! I couldn’t possibly trouble you, um?” The other insists, but it’s obvious he could definitely use the help.

“This Daozhang can call this humble one San Lang and it is no trouble at all!”

“San Lang…” After a moment of deliberation the fallen god nods and whispers an embarrassed, “Thank you”

He helps his highness settle on a relatively clean and flat rock and he motions for him to show his injury. The fallen god nods and pulls up his dirty and distressed robes to reveal a nasty looking cut on the inside of his calf. True to his word he did try to patch it up but��

The ghost king can’t help the grimace that appears on his face, he hates seeing his beloved, his god be hurt. He would’ve liked to be more subtle in his approach but there's no time for that when his god is suffering so.

“… That looks bad, this honorable Daozhang did a fair attempt at patching it up but I’m still concerned about infection and whether it’ll reopen again…” The ghost king explains then his hands twitches, “May this one touch…?”

His god nods, face still a light pink, and expression sheepish, “Ah, yes well I did use some wine to sanitize it before I started stitching? And please no need to be so formal, San Lang.”

“…Wine-“ A flicker of despair flits over the ghost's face before he smooths out his expression and looks up at his god, “Gege…? Would you allow this one to take you to his residence? It’d be much better for you to recover there.”

He can’t help but invite his god to come with him, after all with him in ghost city it would be much easier to ensure his well-being and happiness. And his beloved looks very much worse for wear, his white robes tattered and dirty, his cheeks and eyes a bit sunken, skin pale and obviously he’s had quite the experience while Hua Cheng wasn’t with him.

“I couldn’t possibly-“ His god begins but in a moment of bravery he earnestly interjects, nearly pleading with the other to let him whisk him away to a better life.

“Gege please… This one swears it would be more troublesome for me if I were to just let you go without providing proper aid!”

The god stares at this strange youth (who is suspiciously finely dressed for being so deep in this forest). He stares down at those earnest eyes that seem oh so familiar, and makes his decision.

“Alright San Lang, take me away?”

#Hualian #my writing #tgcf spoilers #Slight character Injury #Xie Lian having no self preservation skills #Panicked thoughts #Self hating thoughts #Hua cheng being hua cheng #Hualian au #hualian moving waay to quick for two people who 'JUST' met #as usual #Xie Lian's lack of care for himself

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xxwhisper255xx · 1 year ago

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This is kind of a continuation of this post where I headcannoned that MC was left with chronic pain after absorbing the magic in the repository, and had to learn to let her friends help her.

Natty & Poppy

MC stood at the top of the stairs, glaring at the winding staircase that led to her next class. She had stepped back to allow for the crowd of students to pass her, not wanting to get in their way, and was now mostly alone in the hall.

“Hello, my friend! Is everything alright?” Natty appeared at her side with a friendly smile.

“Hi Natty, yeah I’m okay. Just mentally preparing myself,” MC laughed awkwardly.

“May I join you? I also found these stairs rather difficult during my recovery. We’ll go together, yes?” She offered her arm. MC saw no judgement on her friend’s face, leading her to accept and loop her arm through hers. They began slowly descending the stairs.

“You would think that magic stairs that appear out of thin air would be able to move on their own. Wouldn’t it be nice if we only had to stand while it moved beneath us?” Natty said.

Footsteps came up behind them, and MC braced herself to be pushed past. To her surprise, Poppy appeared at her side and took her other arm.

“What are we talking about girls?” She asked, smiling brightly.

“I was telling our friend here that magic stairs should move on their own, don’t you think?”

“Ooh yes! I wish I could bring Highwing into the castle, he’d make it much easier to get to class.” Poppy agreed.

The three girls talked and giggled the whole way down, and MC got to class with a couple minutes to spare, grateful that her friends were so willing to accomodate her without a fuss.

Garreth (ft Sebastian)

“Hey MC, ready for potions?” Garreth was the last to leave the classroom, finding her a few steps outside the door. She was walking slowly through the hall, and he matched her pace.

“You should go on without me. Don’t let me slow you down, Garreth.” MC smiled in embarrassment.

“It’s fine. Besides, Sallow would have my head if I showed up without you.” he smiled at her.

“You’ll get in trouble for being late, you know Professor Sharpe is willing to use any excuse to give you detention.” She told him.

“Well I won’t leave you to get detention on your own.”

Garrett’s eyes lit up suddenly and he turned to her with a cheeky smile.

“I think I know a way for us to both arrive to class on time. Do you trust me?”

Sebastian stood outside the potions classroom, scanning the sea of students. He was debating going to find her when her head appeared above the crowd. She was moving towards him quickly with a smile, and he furrowed his eyebrows. Why did she look taller than usual?

Garreth suddenly sprinted out of the crowd with MC on his back, who was giggling wildly. He skidded to a stop in front of Sebastian, panting.

“What’s going on here?” The slytherin questioned.

“Garreth was kind enough to help me get to class on time,” MC laughed as she slid off his back. Sebastian immediately wrapped an arm around her waist, using her unsteadiness as an excuse to pull her away from the other boy.

“Thanks for the help, Weasley. I’ll take it from here.”

He guided her into the classroom, and she looked over her shoulder to see Garreth wiggling his eyebrows at her. She stifled a laugh and turned back to Sebastian as he guided her to her potion station.

Imelda

“It’s not fair! Why doesn’t she have to do it?”

MC looked up from her book, spotting the ravenclaw boy who was talking loudly to his friends.

“I think she’s injured,” a hufflepuff girl said, glancing her way. MC sighed upon realising they were talking about her. She looked back down at her book and tried to ignore them.

She had told the professor at the beginning of class that she didn’t feel well enough to fly, not trusting her aching body to stay upright on her broom. Madam Kogawa had nodded in understanding and allowed her to spend the class studying instead. She had then left to help some students struggling to lift their brooms, not hearing the complaining students.

“That’s dumb. She looks fine,” the ravenclaw scoffed.

Imelda swooped down on her broom, hovering just in front of the boy’s face.

“So if I kick you between the legs, you won’t feel pain right? You know, since we can’t see it.” She spat.

The boy spluttered and a few of his friends snickered.

“That’s what I thought. Leave her alone.” Imelda told him, and the boy hurried off in fear. She turned to MC, who smiled at her thankfully. She nodded back and zoomed off into the sky, leaving MC to laugh at the image of the boy’s face ingrained in her memory.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow #natsai onai #poppy sweeting #garreth weasley #imelda reyes

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hypergamiss · 7 months ago

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Maybe you can help me understand the way insta's recommendations work....But I think If someone has ever had your phone number, you will be suggested to follow them on insta and vice versa. I think this is the gist, I've tried reading thru the policy but can't find anything that explicitly states this.

Anyway, I'm bringing this up because I'm about to change my phone number because I keep getting suggested to follow people I haven't seen in 6+ years. Like co workers and people from group projects in college. I have accidentally stumbled across so many girls' OF/sex work accounts and it makes me sad and embarrassed for them. The trend, especially for gen z, is to give sex work a chance because the media tells us it's lucrative. I'm so glad I chose not to put myself out there like that--the internet will do you dirty every time. The fake user names are not hiding anything.

I just got done reading thru mess on twitter. A young girl who had a lot of promise, went against my advice I gave her years ago and gave up a full ride for OF content. She really thought she would be better off without a degree. Well, she found a pimp/bf and they're both struggling while they rely on her content to pay the bills. Selling pics of her privates for 8.99 a month. I found all this because she was randomly suggested on insta. Neither one of us have the others numbers anymore, yet because we had that digital connection several years ago we will never be able to escape each other online.

I'm a sex positive woman, but I hate that so many girls lacked guidance and discernment when they made these decisions. If I am stumbling across these accounts against my will, imagine who else in their life is seeing this. The internet is forever and people are not as stealthy as they think they are. I just feel so sad knowing this digital footprint is going to haunt them later on. I had a SD in college but I met him through a friend and didn't need to put myself online. He was actually the one who taught me how to be truly anonymous online because he knew I'd be thankful for it once my career took off.

I'm not very knowledgable on instagrams recommendations but I'm guessing that it's using data that goes back all the way to when you first created a facebook profile since Meta became a thing and they're all under one umbrella now. There is so much that is being done with everyone's(personal) data, at this point it might have to do more with your email than you're phone number(or both).

I never fully understood the pimp dynamic. I legit thought the pimp concept was a made up thing that they used only for films and music videos(naive, I know). Then I grew up and one day met a "pimp" in real life(laughed at his face, I thought he was joking about it) and my jaw was glued to the floor. I still can't fathom why any woman would just hand over all her earnings to a man so he can just live off of her income and work her to death. Oh and they have multiple women at once??? My brain still doesn't want to accept that pimps are a real thing😅 Obviously now I assume that a trouble history and maybe drug abuse might lead women to this path, but even then. Pimps are NOTHING without women...

I agree with you on the digital footprint topic, I wish everyone took it more seriously.... It's a forever thing. More permanent than a tattoo or a marriage will ever be!

It also saddens me that many young women don't have the guidance that they could really use. I wish I could personally be there for each and every one of them.

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seriously-nobody · 1 year ago

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I was gonna turn on anon but I decided against it, would it be okay if I actually asked you a question? Since I know you write reader insert fics yourself I thought you would maybe relate to what I’m feeling and if so I wanted to see how you deal with it. I absolutely love writing x reader fics, I get really attached to my favorite characters and I love pouring that love into writing form for myself and others to enjoy but sometimes I still feel embarrassed/ashamed/anxious about it and about how others might perceive it. I know there used to be a big stigma behind it and I got made fun of for it for a while and even now when I’ve gained enough confidence to start posting them to public places I still get a little worried that someone is sitting being the screen and thinking “wow this is cringe” especially because it’s most of the content I write and I don’t often write about ships or storylines like a lot of other people do. It’s a bit silly because so far most people have been nothing but nice to me but I still feel a little bit anxious about it especially as I keep writing more and more of them and wonder “oh man is this getting irritating for people”

I apologize for the slight vent, I just found it a little difficult to articulate the emotions in a more simple way. Have you ever felt like when you write fanfic? And if so what helps you kinda push through it and start accepting your writing more?

You don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to or if it doesn’t really apply to you, and again I’m sorry for dumping a wall of text into your asks- I just got stuck in a little rut while writing my next chapter today and am having trouble getting out of it.

First off thank you so much for the question, I'm really glad u asked and were confident enough to send this without the anon on. Second I'm going to answer questions or comment on certain things as I read this, so here we go.

I don't really write for myself, I mostly write for the people who want to read it. I have a small audience but from the few people I have talked to, on here and from my ao3 page, they like it, so I write it for them.

The thing about the stigma is I still feel it. Not for x reader specifically but for fanfiction and fandom in general. But I just have kinda gotten used to it so I just kinda live in it now. I mean I keep my tumblr to myself and of course y'all on here, but that's it. I don't talk about my fics to people I don't trust not just because of the stigma but also because I write some batshit crazy stuff.

I'll tell you this, I don't think people r going to read something that they think they're not going to like. Especially if you label your works right the worst thing they're going to do is scroll away. (But if u do get a negative comment @ me and I'll find them :) ) Also I think my own work is cringe and I've just accepted that it is at this point so I'm kinda immune to someone telling me that I'm cringe or that what I do is cringe because I am and that's just how it be man. I am one with the cringe and the cringe is me. I've lived too long past my experation date to be worried about some default settings incel telling me my Haunted Mansion fanfiction or tumblr blog is cringe. Like uhm ya of course it's cringe? It's supposed to be?? (also it's my brand now that I'm the jester of cringe, thx to @spookyhollowart)

O dude, lemme tell u something, one shots r the best. You don't have to stick to a big storyline, relationship growth, or character arcs. Literally the best. I can't wait to do my one shots because most of them r short and I won't have to be looking back 6 chapters ago to what color some random ass dude was wearing or some bullshit like that, because I have to do now in my current fic.

Trust me the nice people scare me too. It's like WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY R U BEING NICE TO ME??? AND WHY DO YOU LIKE WHAT I WRITE?? (U scare me a lot too btw)

O god no! It's not irritating at all! Quite the opposite, I absolutely love ur stuff, especially ur latest one, Soul Ties. Seriously looking forward to the next chapter, I'm super invested in how the reader acts, I very much relate.

Plz don't apologize this was awesome to read through and answer/comment on.

Man that's a big question, uh Ig I can say that for a long time it felt like a joke to myself that I was writing fanfiction. I was writing it seriously but it didn't feel serious/real to me. I'll say this, I accept the storyline and that I came up with it, but I don't accept the way I'm write it. Because I beat myself up for typos, bad flow, not good enough dialog, not enough descriptors, too many descriptors, too short chapters when I have writers block, not good enough, that kinda stuff.

I'm honestly just glad to have someone else writing hm stuff because I love this fandom so much and I love reading other people's work. I hope you get out of ur rut soon. Take ur time, there's no rush, and don't stress on it.

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mageofseven · 2 years ago

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If matchups are open may I request one? I’m fine with being matched with any of the boys.

My pronouns are he/him. I have a shy personality and can be socially awkward especially around new people. People often see me as aloof and closed off but in reality I am just very anxious in social settings. I also have trouble trusting and opening up to people so I always take things extremely slow when it comes to new friendships/relationships. Around people I trust I am much more extroverted and confident in myself. I still have a habit of hiding my struggles though mainly because I hate making people feel worried about me so I tend to act like everything is fine even when it isn’t. I’m very protective of the people I care about and I also tend to be the cheerleader of my friend group since I will support them no matter what.

My hobbies include dog training (positive reinforcement only), hiking, spending time in nature especially since I live in a wooded area, meditating, listening to music, and reading. I am big on environmental conservation and treating others with kindness. People who are hateful or judgemental of others make me uncomfortable and I am very sensitive to things like that because I feel bad for the people who are being talked about in a negative light. I’m not into things like trends and I’m usually completely out of touch with celebrities and things like that which can sometimes make it hard for me to relate to people my age.

My dislikes include gossiping, being center of attention, being far from nature, and not being able to have space when I need it.

I have OCD and this can cause me to be extremely paranoid especially when exposed to one of my triggers. I also have compulsions which I am embarrassed of and I get intrusive thoughts daily. This is why I am passionate about things like therapy, understand psychology, and practicing coping mechanisms like meditation which has helped me a lot.

Hmmm. Okay~

So two Boys popped into my head for you, but one way more strongly than the other.

Because of this

I pair you with...

Solomon

Honestly, I think you're quiet and aloof nature would be too tempting for this man and he'd love teasing and flirting with you just to see what reactions he can get out of you.

Whether you love him or hate him at this point doesn't really matter--you are stuck with him.

Over time, this cute pest of yours would get to know you easily to the point where he knows what your feeling from exactly one muscle twitch in your face. I know, it's weird, but this sorcerer man has been around for a hell of a long time and has become an expert at reading people.

When you two get closer, he'll stop messing with you in ways he knows you hate and will only tease you in small ways.

In truth, this man won't be able to recognize when he gets so protective of you, but once he sees it in himself, he just accepts it and goes with the flow he's found himself in.

Again, this man can read you incredibly well so even if you try to hide your emotions, you'll fail with him. When he sees you getting overwhelmed, he finds a way to get you out of the situation that's causing it. If he can tell your mind is racing with bad thoughts, he'll try to distract you or ask if you'd like to talk about them. This is a man who notices every little detail about you and uses that info to take care of you the best he can.

On the interest side of things, I can see him also loving reading and being in the outdoors. This man often goes searching for his potion ingredients and would love if you tagged along.

Over all, he'll be a thorn in your side, but one you will grow to love and be grateful for 🥰

#obey me #obey me otome #matchup requests #nonnie #obey me solomon #if you are curious #the other option was Asmo bc I feel he could make just about anyone comfortable #especially socially awkward people #but Soli still beat him with his amazing observation skills #and protective nature to those he cares about

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mylilguy · 11 days ago

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Old friends

Early in therapy, as my psychoanalyst would interrupt my answers to her bombardment of rapid-fire questions, she would stop and apologise for frustrating me. She would say in irl that if we were sitting and talking, our talks would be enjoyable, thought-provoking, and though a little scary she admitted at times she wanted to just hold me.

At one point, she got up to extend her arms and hover over me like a mother bird. I just clutched myself and curled in accepting her comfort. We didn't touch. She thanked me lol. She's silly. Girls are silly.

In the last session, I could not keep eye contact. I felt so squirrelly. Then I was able to go in undetected. Finally she she caught on and the lights beamed from her eyes. It's not my fault I have trouble looking into that.

She has already started the obvious lying before revealing the truth and wrapping it all together. She says she never asked the question, "Do you recognise from somewhere?" That's the beginning of her seduction of mindplay before undoing my belt and sitting in my lap.

Did she poor warm scented water in my lap? Did she fool my biology into believing I entered heavens gates to experience pleasure like never before?

Am I fooled like that every time? She asks me this before we begin the conversation.

Less and less.

I think about therapy. I think about our time in the stairwell. I have conversations with her in my head. The only difference is that I get to see her once every week. As much as she thinks I may lack respect for her at any time, it's just not true.

I do my homework. I come to therapy prepared. I participate. I'm me 100% of the time. I don't get to be me so freely very often. It's my biggest goal in life right now. To be my honest and true self. I show her that and her words, her responses, all of them from across the board put me at ease.

I've learned from her.

I checked to make sure my huffs and puffs were as I searched for words to deliver to express myself as I'm convoluted were not me being mad at her. My inner conflict should not scare her. I love the challenge. I'm in it. I trust her is all. Im aware that there is a strategy in place I can not put my finger on. My words made her feel better.

I called her out for what I thought was avoiding the truth of when she asked if I had recognised her. From the stairwell? In the mall as I ate fresh fruit? From before.. when? She deflected. I said if that's not true, then none of what I see happened. It stopped her.

She knew my next words. Why would I continue to share something so embarrassing to that person just to he told I'm insane? She repeated the keywords from her hinting at her seducing me before me mentioning it. Before I had started admitting, that was my memory I don't trust, the ptsd recall.

I'm interested in my mind. I'm invested in therapy. I trust my therapist, so I agreed that after the Christmas holidays, we would begin. She said right away. She meant it. I agreed.

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molerat · 4 years ago

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Idk why but i like talking in the tags way more than in actual posts. I guess because its like more private? Honestly no one in their right mind should follow me in the first place so on the rare occasion i do make posts just to kinda talk into the void i dont feel too guilty. Still like putting most of my thoughts in the tags though.

#anyways ive been trying to be a more positive and especially a more honest person lately #i find i lie a lot about like really dumb things. like sometimes i tell big lies sure but its almost always stuff like #ill order a lot of food from a fast food place and like try to act like its for me and another person #or like try to hide how much trouble i have cleaning my room from people or whatever #just like reaaalllyy minor things that im embarrassed about #anyways i think that a lot of my sorta mental health deals are very linked to that kinda compulsive lying #cant accept who i am so i try to hide my shortcomings no matter how small from everyone else. ive been gettin pretty good tho!!#at recognizing when im slipping into a lie and being like actually its okay for me to have a messy room or eat 3 wraps or whatever #actually 3 wraps was too much i had a tummy ache after. opas portion sizes are pretty good idk why insist on getting extra each time #anyways #im getting a lot better at the whole self acceptance thing. which is a good thing i think. i definitely need to try to keep pushing myself #to clean litter boxes and do laundy and cook for myself #but i guess its not a bad thing that i dont hate myself completely when i cant accomplish stuff like that as easy as i want to #maybe learn to work around those shortcomings instead of just forcing myself to kinda spend all my spoons #and put myself in a bad mood the rest of the day #hmm #talking at length about myself always feels kinda uncomfortable but. im learning to kinda work with myself more and understand myself more #i think thats a good thing #i think thats good for me #i think if i were more confident in my own bullshit like a lot of people on this site i would make long essay posts #on how to be a better person or whatever like you see a lot of the time but this is just for me. if anyone else like relates then cool #but for now im just tryin to figure myself out a bit more and i dont think anyone needs to be able to reblog that process lmao #a brain is a frustrating thing to have lmao

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luminnara · 4 years ago

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alpha!erasermic x pregnant!reader | ABO fluff

Request: Hiya! i’m wondering if you can do an alpha! erasermic x pregnant! omega! reader? maybe when both alphas leave their lunch at home and she goes to bring it to them. the reader and both alphas collectively have custody of hitoshi and eri, and the reader is heavily pregnant. preferably a female reader please, and none of class 1-a have met her. this is my first time requesting stuff so i hope i did okay! 😅

You did wonderfully! I love writing cute fluffy stuff like this, and it’s my first time writing any kind of erasermic thing even though I love them so much, so hopefully I did okay! Idk where exactly this sits timeline-wise, don’t worry about it, it’s omegaverse and I can do what I want lol. I took this prompt and sort of RAN with it, too

*also Mirio has his quirk back in this because it’s fun, and the reader has kind of a dodgy past because i wanted to add a little SPICE*

Warnings: a/b/o, pregnancy, the implications of Aizawa’s scarf and all of its uses

You sighed, resting a hand on your swollen belly. “Those two...”

You had only just gotten Eri out of bed, and, upon heading into the kitchen to fix her some breakfast, you saw two lovingly-prepared bento boxes sitting on the counter. Shota and Hizashi must have forgotten them in their hurry to get to UA earlier that morning, and while you knew they could very easily grab something to eat in the cafeteria, you hated the thought of these meals going to waste.

Besides, your inner omega was a bit miffed that they hadn’t taken your home cooked food to work with them. Was Lunch Rush’s food so much better than yours that your alphas would rather eat at school? You refused to believe that, even if his quirk was cooking. There was no way that he could make your alphas a meal that could compare to the kind you always cooked for them, and maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you extra bristly about it, but you were determined to march right on over to UA and bring them their proper lunches.

Even if you were heavily, heavily pregnant. They’d probably have something to say about you leaving the house and waddling around Musutafu with only Eri as company, but you were tough enough to fend for yourself. And besides, it was only a quick train ride to the station outside the school, and if you did get yourself into any kind of trouble, the city was chock full of pro heroes and their sidekicks, many of whom you were on a first name basis with.

“Eri!” you called, grabbing a bag to carry the boxes in. “Are you dressed yet? We’re going to visit UA!”

You could heard a thump, followed by the sound of little feet thudding as she ran to meet you. When she appeared in the doorway, her eyes were wide with excitement, her long hair falling around her shoulders messily. “Yes!”

“Go brush your hair and then we’ll go,” you laughed, ushering her towards the bathroom.

“Why are we going?” the little girl called.

“Hizashi and Shota left their lunches,” you explained. “We’re bringing them so that the food doesn’t go to waste.”

“Can we visit Deku and Togata?”

You paused to think. You hadn’t actually met any of Shota and Hizashi’s students before, your alphas always preferring that you stay home and away from the sometimes dangerous school they taught at. Well, you knew Hitoshi, of course, and since he had yet to move into the dorms on campus, he still lived at home with the rest of the family. At least he had remembered to grab his lunch. Would your adopted son be embarrassed to see you appearing at his school? Hitoshi always carried himself in a very collected manner, and the thought of being able to show up and pinch his cheeks and coo at him made you laugh.

And you knew that everyone in Class 1-A would be over the moon to see Eri. The little girl that had been rescued from Overhaul was popular amongst the young heroes-in-training, from what you’d heard, and if you were going to go all the way to UA, you’d be damned if you didn’t let her see her friends there.

“Of course we can,” you said with a smile as she came running back in, her hair significantly less tangled. “Ready?”

“Ready!” she beamed up at you.

“Do me a favor and carry this?” you offered her the tote you’d tucked the bento boxes into and she took it from you eagerly, bouncing towards the door.

You grabbed your purse, made sure your keys were inside, and followed her out, taking her free hand. Together, the two of you made your way to the nearest train station, a few neighbors waving hello as you passed. There were no villains to be seen or head of, and the pros you saw out on patrol all looked happy and relaxed. They all knew who you were, some of the betas and omegas approaching to chat about your pregnancy and ask how things were going. The alphas hung back, calling greetings or offering waves, none of them wanting to get too close to a pregnant, mated omega and risk the wrath of your alphas if their scents happened to cling to you.

The journey went smoothly, Eri sticking close to your side the entire way. You were both excited to be going to visit UA--Eri, because she would get to see Deku and Mirio, and you because you hadn’t been to the school in years--and as you stepped off the train and the gates finally came into view, you let out a happy laugh.

“Ready?” you asked Eri, leading her towards the entrance.

“Mhm!” she nodded eagerly, pulling you forward. “Let’s go! Let’s go let’s go let’s go--”

“Hang on, hang on,” you waddled after her as quickly as you could, fishing around in your purse. When you finally found what you were looking for, you pulled out an ID card, holding it up towards the sensor atop the UA Barrier gate. “You have your card?”

“Yep!” Eri said, grabbing the card hanging from the lanyard around her neck and mimicking you.

“Special ID accepted,” a robotic voice chimed. “Welcome to UA High, (y/n) and Eri.”

The gate opened and you led Eri through it, the big school looming just past it. The special ID cards you both had were a result of Shota insisting that you be able to get to UA if you ever needed to. With the upgraded security measures, and so many of the students living in the dorms, it wasn’t easy getting onto the campus without either a student or guest card. You probably technically weren’t even supposed to have one, but no one was going to argue with Aizawa and Yamada when it came to ensuring their omega would be able to get to them in case of emergency.

This wasn’t exactly an emergency, but it was still an important mission, so you had absolutely no qualms about using your special ID privileges today. You just hoped nobody else would be mad about it.

“Hey, is that Eri I see?” a voice called.

You turned to see a blond haired, blue eyed boy jogging towards you and recognized him as Togata. He was dressed in a PE uniform, and as he stopped in front of you, you could see that he was panting.

Eri immediately set the bag down and rushed toward him, running into his open arms. “Lemillion!”

Mirio laughed as he scooped her into a hug. “What are you doing here? Aizawa didn’t mention anything about a visit!”

“Aizawa forgot his lunch today,” you said, nodding towards the bag Eri had dropped. “So we thought we’d bring it and visit.”

Mirio straightened up a bit when he realized you were there. You had to be absolutely covered in your alphas’ scents, and even if they never told any of the students about you, there was no way that Mirio hadn’t figured it out by now. Besides...your bond marks were very big and very visible, one on each side of your neck just below your scent glands. There was no way Mirio didn’t know what that all added up to.

You had never officially met him, but you’d heard plenty about all of UA’s Big Three, and after he and Deku saved Eri from the Shie Hassaikai, you’d heard even more about him. He was selfless, going so far as to sacrifice his own quirk to keep Eri safe and get her away from Overhaul, and for that, you’d always feel a little indebted to him. He’d luckily been able to get it back, but Aizawa had told you that there had been a long period in which nobody was sure it could even be returned to him.

“Oh, s-sorry!” he bowed to you. “I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced! I’m Togata Mirio, I was there at the Shie Hassaikai raid--”

“I’ve heard plenty about you,” you laughed as he straightened up again. “I’m (y/n). I’m the stay at home omega that keeps Shota and Hizashi from starving all the time.”

Mirio’s laugh was probably one of the most raucously happy sounds you had ever heard. “We’re all grateful for that! As for me, personally, I’m really glad Eri has such a great mom now, too. And you’ve got more on the way!”

“Sure do,” you groaned, a hand on your lower back as you tried to lean and stretch it out some. “Due date’s in just a couple weeks. Can’t wait to get ‘em outta here.”

“Well, at least you already know how to do the parenting part!” Mirio was still all smiles as Eri grabbed for his hand and he took it, picking up the tote bag as well. “Come on, it’s my free period so I’ll take you to 1-A’s classroom.”

“Thank you, Togata,” you said, hand on your belly as you followed him into the school.

“It’s no problem!” he beamed at you over his shoulder as he led the way. “It’s almost lunch, too. Perfect timing!”

“Is it really?” you glanced up at a clock on the wall, and sure enough, it was nearly noon. “Wow. Guess we took longer than I thought. But...ugh, I didn’t bring any food for myself or Eri...”

“That’s no problem! Lunch Rush always has tons of options in the Grand Mess Hall.” at your slight glare, Mirio added, “...But I’m sure even his best cooking is no substitute for a homemade meal!”

“That’s right,” you growled, waddling along down the hall.

When the three of you reached the 1-A door, Mirio used his permeation quirk to stick his head straight through it rather than knocking, and judging by the resounding scream of surprise that nearly shattered the windows, he had scared Hizashi half to death.

Mirio pulled back and opened the door, revealing a room full of groaning students, all clutching their ears. Hizashi was the only one who seemed unbothered by the sheer volume of the scream he had let out, clutching his chest instead.

“Why can’t you knock like a normal person, dumbass?” a blond boy snarled.

“Bakugou! You shouldn’t swear in front of esteemed upperclassmen!” a black-haired boy with glasses said.

“It’s not just me you’re swearing in front of!” Mirio said, still smiling, like always. With a nod of his head, he tugged Eri into the room.

Everyone lit up, and you even caught Bakugou’s harsh expression softening some at the sight of her.

“Eri!” a freckly, green haired boy exclaimed, jumping up from his seat.

“Deku!” the little girl yelled happily, letting go of Mirio’s hand to run towards him.

You watched as he knelt down to greet her, the rest of the class all getting up, or at the very least leaning over in their seats to say hello. All except Hitoshi, who looked up, made eye contact with you, started to roll his eyes, and then sighed.

Oh, you were so going to embarrass him today.

Hizashi was still trying to catch his breath, but now, with the students all distracted by Eri, he finally had a chance to notice you. You could see his nostrils flare as he recognized your scent, his head whipping around to spot you standing there in the door.

“BABE!” he rushed toward you, pulling you into a hug.

“Hi, Hizashi,” you laughed into his shoulder, clinging to his jacket as he rubbed his scent gland over your hair.

He immediately pulled back, holding you at arm’s length as he looked you over. “What’re you doing here? Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” you chuckled. When he glanced down at your swollen belly, you added, “we’re fine.”

He let out a relieved breath. “Okay. Okay, good. Had me worried there for a sec.”

“They came to bring you lunch!” Mirio said, holding up the bag he had carried in for you. “I ran into her and Eri outside while I was out for my daily jog.”

“Togata here was very helpful,” you said. “He even carried that bag for us.”

“Gotta help everyone who needs it, whenever I can!” the teenager gave you a thumbs up.

“Thanks, Mirio.” Hizashi said, putting an arm around your shoulders and pulling you up against his side. “Means a lot to me that my family stays safe.”

“Family?”

You turned to see all of Class 1-A staring at you.

Hizashi cleared his throat, the sound practically echoing. “Everybody, this is my mate.”

The room suddenly erupted.

“Who is she?”

“Is she a pro?”

“Can’t believe anybody would put up with him...”

“Bakugou, quiet! Don’t be rude!”

“But, wait...” Deku said, still kneeling with Eri. “I thought Eri’s been living with Mr. Aizawa..?”

The students all glanced to each other before their eyes swiveled to you and Hizashi.

“Oh, Hizashi,” you teased. “You never told them?”

“I, uh...” a slight pink tinged his cheeks as he blushed.

Luckily, before he had the chance to stumble over his words any longer, he was saved by the appearance of a very tired, very disgruntled, Eraserhead.

“What the hell is going on and why the hell are you screaming in my classroom?” he growled from the doorway.

Hizashi turned the two of you to face him, and you saw the anger immediately drain from Aizawa’s face.

“...What are you doing here?” he asked, his bloodshot eyes full of concern. “Everything okay?”

“Hi, Papa!” Eri chimed from her spot next to Deku.

“...Hello, Eri. Why are you also here?”

“You both forgot your lunches,” you said, practically scolding them. “I worked hard on those!”

“So you came all the way here just to bring us lunch? You realize we have an entire cafeteria here, right?”

“Don’t even think about it,” you growled.

“You shouldn’t be walking across Musutafu without at least Hitoshi with you. It’s too dangerous.”

At the mention of his name, everyone’s heads swiveled to look at Shinso. He sighed, slumping back in his chair and dragging a hand down his face.

“You know, if you wouldn’t forget the lunches that I so lovingly put all that hard work into, I wouldn’t even have to go all the way across Musutafu to bring them to you.” you said haughtily, nose up in the air as you stared your alpha down. “And besides...you know better than anyone that I can take care of myself, and Eri, no matter how pregnant I am.”

Aizawa sighed. He knew there was no arguing with you when you got in a mood like this, and besides...you were already there.

And you were right.

Before he could even come up with something to say, the bell rang, signaling that it was time for lunch, and soon, you were walking down the hall between your two alphas, Eri riding on Deku’s shoulders as Class 1-A flooded out along with you.

You ended up sitting in the mess hall with the students, sandwiched between Hizashi and Shota. Shota didn’t seem entirely pleased with it, mentioning several times that he’d much rather be in the teachers’ lounge where it was quieter, but Eri was far too happy to be with Class 1-A for him to actually tear her away from them. She was across from you, sitting next to Deku and a brown haired girl you learned was named Ochako. Mirio had left to go find his own friends, the other two members of The Big Three, and you could see him just a few tables over, laughing loudly with a blue haired girl with a boy with pointy ears looked like he was trying to will himself out of existence next to them.

“It’s so exciting that Mr. Aizawa has a whole family!” Ochako said.

“And with Present Mic, too,” Tsu, the frog girl, said from her spot next to her.

“How long have you been together?” the pink girl, Mina, asked.

“Don’t ask so many personal questions! We should respect their privacy.” Iida said, in true class rep fashion.

When Shota only offered a grunt in reply, too focused on his lunch to actually talk with his homeroom class, and with Hizashi already stuffing his face, you took it upon yourself to chat.

“Oh, I don’t mind the questions!” you said with a good natured laugh. “I met Hizashi and Shota when we all went to school together. Then we lost touch, because I...well, I sort of...chose a different life path than they did.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Hizashi slurped up his soba.

“Here.” you looked up to see Hitoshi had brought you and Eri each a tray of food, setting them down in front of the two of you.

“You’re so good to your mother,” you cooed, reaching up to grab his cheek.

He dodged you expertly, ducking out of the way and going to sit with Bakugou and his friends on Deku’s other side. You narrowed your eyes at him, making sure he knew that he couldn’t run forever, and as Denki watched the exchange, he spoke up.

“...Wait. You didn’t become a pro hero?” he asked.

“I took the hero course here at UA.” you explained, grabbing your chopsticks. “I ended up dropping out before graduation. This is actually my first time back since then.”

“So...” Deku seemed nervous. “Were you, uh...”

“A villain?” you asked.

When he nodded quickly, you laughed and offered a nod of your own.

“Yeah, I suppose I was. My quirk used to be wild, and hard to control...I got so frustrated when I wasn’t making any progress with it that I decided to just leave school. I was mad at everyone, and I fell in with people who felt the same way. One thing leads to another, and next thing you know, I’m running from the loudest, most obnoxious pro hero in the city.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Hizashi, who was doing his best not to choke on his lunch.

“And he never caught me,” you said adoringly, leaning against his shoulder.

“I never caught you on my own,” he corrected.

“Made my ears bleed a few times, I think.”

“Yes, and I don’t regret that.” he pressed a cute, fluttery little kiss against the tip of your nose. “You were absolutely going to kill me.”

“Not absolutely!” you protested.

“I had to rescue him.” Aizawa spoke up, his voice gruff and tired, like always. “Had to cancel your quirk and keep you tied down until the others could get to us.”

You smirked at your first memory of his scarf and what it could do, and as you did so, he realized that he had just admitted to tying you up with it in front of his idiot students.

“And that’s when I fell in looooove,” you grabbed his arm, batting your lashes at him obnoxiously.

“Not another word.” he growled.

The students were all staring at you with wide eyes. All except Hitoshi, who was rolling his.

“I guess you could say I was reformed,” you said, grabbing some noodles. “Then one thing led to another, and...here we are.” You patted your belly.

“That’s so romantic,” Mina sighed, leaning her chin on her hand.

“What’s your quirk?” Ochako asked.

“I could show you!” you said eagerly, moving to stand.

“Absolutely not.” Shota held onto your arm and forced you to sit down again. “You are due in two weeks. No nonsense until after the pups are born.”

It was your turn to roll your eyes now.

“Fine,” you mumbled with a sigh. “I never get to have fun anymore.”

“But pups are so exciting!” the invisible girl, Hagakure, said.

“Yeah!” Mina agreed.

Then, the rest of the girls bombarded you with questions.

“How many are you having?”

“What day are they coming?!”

“Can we meet them?”

“Mr. Aizawa, please can you bring them in to the dorms??”

“--But Mr. Aizawa, this is the safest place in Japan. There’s no way anything bad would happen to them--”

“--And besides, (y/n) has a super strong quirk, right? She said so!”

“Come on, just let us see the brats when they’re old enough to travel.”

The sound of Bakugou’s voice had everyone staring at the blond boy.

“...What?” he bristled. “It’s not like I care, I just want the girls to shut up.”

“Uh huh. Sure, Bakugou.” Kirishima snorted.

“...maybe.” Aizawa relented, eager to shut them all up.

That was enough for the girls, and they immediately began talking chattering about the cutest baby clothes, the best toys, and then the differences between their own upbringings. You enjoyed listening to them throughout the rest of lunch, and by the time the hour had ended, you were sad to be leaving.

“Hang on, hang on,” Hizashi said as you took Eri’s hand to leave. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Home,” you furrowed your brow. “Why?”

“We told you,” Shota said, standing with his hands in his pockets. “We don’t want you wandering around the city.”

“And I told you, I’m fine--”

“Just stay here for the rest of the day.”

“...What?”

“We’ll all go home together later.” Hizashi smiled. “You and Eri can hang out in the lounge. I bet Midnight would love to pester you about the bump, too.”

You smiled, walking towards your alphas. “Alright. Alright, yeah. That sounds nice.”

As Class 1-A lingered at the end of the hall, watching for as long as they could get away with, Denki elbowed Hitoshi in the side.

“Dude, your mom is--”

“Don’t you dare say hot.” Shinso growled.

“Actually, I was gonna say badass, but that too--”

The purple haired boy glared at him. “Shut up, Denki.”

“What? It’s a compliment!”

#erasermic #alpha!erasermic #alpha aizawa #alpha hizashi #aizawa fluff #erasermic x reader #abo #omegaverse #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #shoto aizawa #aizawa x hizashi #hizashi yamada #present mic #present mic x reader #hizashi yamada x reader #aizawa x reader #shota aizawa x reader

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cobi-4056 · 23 days ago

Text

explaining

hi bel! i'll write some of my (very personal) thoughts here. i think it's easier for me to lay down my ideas this way because i'm not embarrassed of getting too sad about them. i hope i'll be able to flesh them out like this on the next few days too. basically, i came up with these sketches a few days ago, and now that i looked at them to write this i realized they work pretty well for the stages of grief that people talk about - that's the introduction, concept-wise. as for the visual aspect, i think i'd really like to make them very high-contrast - very few grays, clear borders, white background/black subject.

bath - denial; this is the first place i remember visiting when lio died. i didn't know what to do, so i sat under cold water for god knows how long - i dont remember if i was crying, i think my thought process was that cold water would take me away from the moment. in the same vein, i also ate a shit ton of ice to try and ground myself. for me, it makes sense for this to be the first photo in the series - my feet, some bugambilla petals on the bath, and maybe some water (if i can figure out how to do that without my camera being at risk!) - a lonely moment where all i can do is stare.

hands / eyes - anger; these are two ideas i have. the first one, hands, is meant to be pretty gestural (is that a word in english?), it represents the few outbursts i've had in a more physical sense. anger has been rare in my grief, and it's never been directed at lio. my hands are the first thing accessible to my view, so i've hurt them more than once during these episodes. for the picture, i'd use black food colouring - some of it dripping down my hand, to evoke blood. for this idea to work i need some kind of rig for my camera or someone to take this picture for me once i've framed it. the second one is a bit more abstract, more like the collage-y feel i had in mind originally - my eyes looking in different directions, all aiming at a bugambilla flower, possibly with inverted colors. it represents my first instinct when anything goes wrong now: go outside, search for lio, hope this is one of the days where he'll actually show up in the symbols i've made up for him, and specifically the moments where i don't find him in them. i'd look for a way to make it feel frantic, desperate.

cake - depression; the only food i ate for the first three days with lio gone. it was so easily accessible, so ready to be just... eaten, it was the thing that kept me fed for the first few days. for me its a symbol of how empty everything felt. i didn't put in any effort to eat it either, i didn't even have to find a plate for it - so i think it represents the deppressing part of this well. i used to be way more into food, sugar, all of it - but his death made everything feel pointless. this wouldn't be a flattering picture of a cake, it would just be there.

bed - bargaining; arguably the place i dislike the most, but also my safe space. this is where lio and i talked, and this is where i lay to think about how shitty it is to have your best friend die. what i relate this place to is my thoughts - good, bad, neutral, they all happen here. if i'm in bed, i have nothing else to do other than think. this is why i'm having trouble pining down something specific about this place - too much goes on here to know what i want to do. still, one of the stronger images is this: my body, so still, in a bare bed. it could be like the sketch i posted here, or something more like a closeup of my face deep in thought. it's a bit awkward to do self-portraits and my room is super small, so i'm probably going to do several versions of this one and some tests.

branches / plant - acceptance; here's something funny: i hated the idea of looking at these plants at first. one of the first things i wrote when lio died was, Hay una bugambilia en mi jardín, y no quiero verla porque necesito sentir que está en algo más que la idea que me hice de él. sorry about the spanish, i didn't think it would be productive to translate that. anyway, now that almost two months have passed, i've grown to love them more and more. these little fuckers are on every garden, and they make me feel so connected to him. i like that they're common. it feels like receiving a text from him, and i like that they drop so many leaves - even when you're walking with your head down, you know there's one of these nearby. they're impossible to miss. this last picture will be tricky - there's a very clear visual mood i have, so i'll have to look for a composition that doesn't make the black look like these experiments i did earlier - i could also take the inverted approach, but that might be too abstract for this series, jarring, maybe.

there's also the possibility of using their shadow. i'd have to keep a keen eye on the weather, though - the light has to be in a very specific position for this shot to come through.

sketches

i also like the empty bugambilla branches against the sky - with the visual mood of the series, it might be a good addition. emptiness within the symbol.

and since im sharing some of the pictures ive taken, here's two of my favorites. terrible phone quality, still very pretty. i shot them less than a week after lio died - ive pavloved myself into recognizing this shade of purple from really far away. another side effect of this is that i dont mind walking now, since there seems to be bugambillas in 2 out of every 5 gardens.

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heyhoeudoin · 3 years ago

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INDEBTED TO YOU

"No matter what you tell me, I will always be by your side."

pairing: master!bakugo katsuki x servant!reader

words: 2.4k

genre/s: fluff, a bit mature

warning/s: swearing, mention of 'woman' but other than that no pronouns (unless i slipped, then sorry)

synopsis: you sworn to serve under the bakugo family, especially their son

masterlist

a/n: inspired by kuzupeko from danganronpa, i love them so much. also this is done in no particular order, so it's going to be a bit messy. enjoy either way!

you are the personal servant of bakugo katsuki

why?

because you and him grew up together, literally

the bakugo family took you in from a very young age, apparently you were found alone in an alleyway and from there on out they decided to take care of you

and since then, you have decided to protect this family and serve under them

most especially their son, bakugo katsuki

the one you fell in love with

of course, you told both mitsuki and masaru about your feelings and plans (on becoming their personal servant)

they allowed it because you insisted so much on it that they got tired of you asking everyday and they trust you as well

the bakugo family are loaded bro

and you took advantage of that

you got yourself to learn many things; multiple lessons on hand-to-hand combat, on using weapons (guns, swords, etc.), and other basic needs to become a servant (cooking, medical knowledge, cram school etc.)

how did you get yourself to balance all of these while still going to school?

well, your ambition is that big

katsuki, at first, denied of you being 'servant' to him

"i don't need someone to protect me at all times, i'm going to be the number one hero! i'll be the one to protect myself and you!"

it was sweet, not gonna lie but it hurt your ego also

"oh yeah? let's make a bet then. let's fight and if i win, i'm your personal maid or servant and if you win, then i won't be your slave- er servant."

spoiler: you won

and this all happened during middle school

speaking of

everyone thought you two were dating, that's why nobody really approached you since you're always next to katsuki

where ever katsuki is, you're also there

even midoriya thought you two were dating because he never saw you two not together

and no one ever asked because they didn't wanna bother you

by bother i mean no one had the guts to approach you two

the two of you are the power couple of the entire middle school!

everyone knew who you two were and are

you: the intimidating tall poise woman

katsuki: the arrogant aggressive man

yeah no one bothered the two of you that entire middle school (except for midoriya, sometimes)

okay so anyways,

when you won that fight to become katsuki's servant, that's when he finally actually noticed you

after middle school ended and when the two of you are training (well, you coaching him), but then suddenly

katsuki stood in front of you holding his water bottle, with a firm look yet nervous look, "i'll damn be the number one hero." he announced then paused and took a deep breath, "so you better be second best, right after me." and with that, he hurriedly stomped off

mother fucker practically just confessed to you

but no, it wasn't a confession

it was an acceptance

of you

you've been with katsuki since children, so you understand his language now (sometimes)

and you ended up not seeing him the entire day after that

why? because he's embarrassed (how cute!)

then u.a. came and holy shit the amount of times you almost died of a heart attack

why? because of fucking villains and shit

speaking of, remember the slime incident?

yeah... you got in so much trouble for almost killing the slime creature for even hurting and traumatizing your katsuki

and you also started working too hard on yourself saying that you weren't strong enough

yeah, you're pulling a bakugo

and of course, katsuki noticed and stopped you in his own way

katsuki watched you from the doors, you aggressively punching your way into the concrete wall. why? "i need something stronger." is what you said, like a fucking idiot is what he called you then. he stomped over to you, "stop fucking yourself over. take a break you asshat." he took hold of your collar and dragged you away to the showers.

this man just keeps making you fall all over again

that was his way of saying he's worried about your health <3

anyways, back to u.a.

stuff like the quirk apprehension test, battle trial, etc.

you did amazing at because of your intense training throughout childhood

and no, shockingly, you didn't win first place in the sports festival because of a sudden quirk mishap when fighting todoroki

but then why didn't you hold back though, for katsuki?

are you kidding? you're not that much of a fucking idiot. doing that is the biggest mistake and insult to katsuki ever

and you'd rather die than offend him in any way

also same thing happened as middle school; people felt kinda intimidated by you two

but the difference is that people talked to you both this time and slowly they aren't that intimidated by the two of you

thus the bakusquad!

oh also, no one thought you two were together

why?

because katsuki asked you to keep the entire relationship a secret which was hard to do, for both him (he can't just come to you for a conversation or for comfort) and you (you can't be next to him all the time and being overprotective of him)

kaminari flirted with you a bunch of times when hanging out with the squad

katsuki had to keep it in to not get all worked up while you had to keep it in to not slice his entire neck off and say you belong to katsuki only

but the two of you resisted (good thing)

and then usj happened

that shit was a fucking fever dream

there is only one memory in usj you vividly remember is when katsuki was about to get hit by the nomu

your heart pumped loudly through your ears as time stopped or slowed down. you didn't know what to do and dreaded for when you didn't do anything, but you did do something. a large hand appeared from the ground in front of katsuki, palm wide, protecting him from the running nomu.

he didn't get hit, but you did faint.

your quirk?

it's called duplicate and with it you can replicate and sprout pieces of your body from the surface of any object or living thing (like the hana hana no mi that nico robin has from one piece)

anyways,

then interns happened

and of course you wanted to go along with katsuki but he told screamed at you to go with who you wanted

and shockingly, you went with eraser head

yes, he offered you an internship because your quirk is fit for the underground life (his words) (you're also his favorite but we don't talk about that)

it was hell

and let's leave it like that

BRO CAMP WAS A NIGHTMARE FOR YOU

PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY

it was fine at first then the next minute you hear katsuki is the target

of a kidnap by the league of villains...

and holy shit you snapped

every time a villain was in front of you, you wouldn't even hesitate and just immediately attack them

and while doing that, you used your quirk to spread multiple copies of your hands with either ears or eyes on the palm to gather information quickly

this took a lot out of you

but what especially took you out was when it finally happened...

a laser beam shot out of the bush, hitting the man with the mask on the face and because of that, he spit out the two marbles where both katsuki and tokoyami is held captive.

you, shoji, todoroki, and midoriya reactively ran towards the two marbles (well, midoriya couldn't because he broke his legs again :D). shoji was able to grab tokoyami's marble, however, you and todoroki weren't able to get katsuki's.

the villain named 'dabi' was the one who got it instead.

he grinned ear to ear as a portal appeared behind him and the masked man, "confirm it now, release them." he told the masked man as he scoffs and says something about his show being ruined.

with a snap of his fingers, both marbles starts to glow and there came out both tokoyami and katsuki.

there he is. right in front of you. katsuki stood next to dabi, who's hand is wrapped around his neck, "no problem then." you, meanwhile, didn't listen to a word he's saying and just focused on getting katsuki back.

using what's left of your energy, you took off towards the portal with your hand outstretched with copies of your arm forming out of your palm as well. "katsuki—!" you screamed out, desperate but he didn't reach out.

"don't come, y/n!"

and with that he's gone.

and so is your sanity.

you stood in front of where the portal was, not moving or breathing. your eyes as wide as they can be, your fingers twitching here and there, your mouth open but nothing comes out.

suddenly a bunch of arms arise from the ground, holding onto you everywhere; your legs, your waist, your shoulders. everywhere. slowly you were pushed onto your knees and soon enough you laid on the ground.

and that's when you finally lost it.

a scream. an ear curling scream rings throughout the entire forest and it's coming from you. your body struggling against your own quirk, that is holding you captive. they knew that you'd react like this. however, you wouldn't let it hold you down any further. you kept thrashing about as if you've gone feral as you called for katsuki with that hoarse voice of yours.

your nearby classmates noticed and immediately went and restrained you. they even had to give you a sleeping drug to calm down.

when you woke up in the hospital, katsuki has already been rescued

he also heard about what had happened to you

and man did he worry, a lot

this sudden act made his friends a bit suspicious and shocked like "bakugo? worried? what?" or "when was he and you close?" and such

you and katsuki had a moment to yourselves, alone in the hospital room

when he first barged into the room, he started shouting at you in worry about your quirk acting up again

but you knew that this is all an act (well, kind of) to get you to not find out about his mental health

but you knew

you always know

so to give both of you some relief

you pulled him into a kiss

just kidding, it was a hug

okay no, yes it was a kiss

the two of you made it official then, but at the same time wanted to keep it a bit slow

when your friends found out, they were shocked and betrayed

because the two of you kept it a secret that you two knew each other since forever!

then the two of you started dating also

well, actually, you and katsuki were supposed to keep your relationship a secret until you're both ready, but then they found out because of katsuki blowing a fuse

ever since the dorms happened, you suddenly became the ultimate maid and worked on every thing; cooking meals, laundry, cleaning, and more!

you weren't bothered by it but katsuki was

one time when the class gathered in the common room for game night, everyone was asking orders from you; "y/n, could you get all of us drinks?", "y/n, get us blankets also!", etc.

katsuki had enough of his dumbass classmates and decided that enough is enough

you were busy getting every thing ready for game night while katsuki watches you from the couch. he would go and help you, actually, he did try to help you, but you locked him in place with your quirk before he could stand up.

"let me fucking help you, you shitty woman." katsuki grumbles out as you just chuckled at him then shook your head. "of course not! i won't let my master attend to matters such as this. besides, i'm okay with being the class' maid. it won't change our relationship, after all." then you narrowed your eye, "unless there's something you're not telling me." you barely whispered out.

"stop talking in a shitty way! just talk how you normally do, we're alone. you don't have to act all fucking poise or some shit." he pouts which makes you swoon.

"katsuki~sama!"

after you finished tidying up for game night, everyone slowly started to gather in the common room.

you and katsuki sat next to each other on the couch while the rest of your friend gathered around the two of you. they also started teasing the two of you ever since the camp incident for 'being secretly crushing on each other.'

how did they get to that point?

your reaction to when katsuki got kidnapped and his reaction to hearing that you were hospitaliized.

suddenly your classmates started asking you for things or to do things. of course, you obliged after all it's in your nature to accept. however, katsuki is shaking in anger as you just easily accepted to do your classmates biding.

even your friends have noticed how much they've taken advantage of you and stopped asking favors from you and instead help you from time to time.

but katsuki had enough.

he stood up and took a hold of your wrist from doing more errands, "enough already, you fucking bastards." he exclaimed with a glare on his face. you turned to him in confusion and worry, "katsuki?"

he pointed to you, "stop ordering around y/n already! stop acting like y/n is a fucking maid or some shit, they're here to become a hero! get your shit together, and do it yourself!" he roared out, "if i hear anyone telling y/n what to do, then be damned and i'll fucking kill you myself!"

you couldn't hold it in anymore.

you jumped onto katsuki and plastered him in kisses. "oh katsuki!~ i love you!" then you placed your hand on your hips, "but don't kill them." you turned to your classmates who watched the scene in shock, "for every errand they asked me, it will add to their debt they' have to pay to me." you announced with a wide devilish grin on your face.

yea, your the one who let out the secret but either way your classmates now know that you two are together and not to be messed with

the end

masterlist

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