#This is too long

[idratherstayinside6]

Ok so I am on my period and my cramps HURT LIKE FUCKING HELL. So I'll do a Hazbin hotel skit.

(P.S I'm not a great writer.)

Vaggie and Charlie are peacefully sitting in the lobby couch when the front door opens to reveal Carmilla had come in.

Vaggie got up from her seat and walked over to Carmila and began speaking.

Vaggie:"Wha-... Carmilla what are you doing here? Training isn't until Sunday."

Carmilla:"I know, I just wanted you to sign this."

Carmilla pulled out a random packet with neat writing on it. It looked like a consent form but honestly nobody cares enough to read it. Vaggie reached for it and glanced at where she had to sign.

Vaggie:"What is it for? We've done practice a bunch of times, I don't think I need to sign anything for if you harm me or whatever."

Carmilla:"It's something different. Don't worry too much about it."

Vaggie:"Alright?"

She said suspiciously as if Carmilla was planning something. She picked up a pen and wrote on the nearest flat surface there was. She wrote her signature nearly on the dotted line and gave it back to Carmilla.

Vaggie:"Here you go, I guess.."

Carmila:"Thank you Vaggie. By the way, I'm having another kid."

Vaggie:"Oh? Congrats?"

Carmilla:"It's you."

Vaggie:"What."

Carmilla showed Vaggie the packet where it said 'I give consent to Carmilla Carmine to adopt me' extra extra. Vaggie looked confused and questioned everything that she had just said.

Carmilla walked out the door and disappeared in a matter of seconds. Vaggie stood there and had so many unanswered questions.

Vaggie:"How? Why? Huh..?"

Carmilla:"I have to go now to assist your now sisters."

Vaggie:"But I'm so confused.. Can you even do that? I'm a grown adult how?"

Carmilla:"Don't worry about it, hija."

Vaggie:"huh..."

Okay that's it. I hoped you enjoyed the small skit on how Carmilla adopted Vaggie.

[pompadourpink]

hi mom! i'm starting uni in september, i'm moving to a new city so i need to start shopping and all, but also my parents didnt really give me advice and im the eldest so im kinda lost, do you have any advice?? XX

Hello darling,

The ABC:

Uni is scary because your free-will goes from 8 to 90 in two months and freedom is intoxicating. Making up for lost chances can lead to bad choices (spending, dating, partying).

If your family failed to parent you, it is now your job. Autonomy is essential. Learn to cook, budget, clean, be clean, save, be a good citizen, make scary phone calls, keep yourself safe, prioritise.

No one will force you to get up and study, or hire you at 21 when competing with a bright 18 year old. Effort will not betray you (being a grown lazy gifted child will).

Have shared hobbies, from movie Sundays with a girlfriend to knitting with your sister. A social life is a happy life.

Trust your body, it knows. Stomach cramps mean we hate him, daydreaming means try, yawning means bed, not coffee.

The home:

Make a cleaning schedule, be open-minded and reasonable, do not do or say anything your landlord wouldn't like (I fully recommend having roommates once for exposure therapy).

If you have a neighbour your age, introduce yourself. Having that phone number will one day mean not having to sleep outside or getting a package stolen. Thank them with food.

Start documenting problems right away (photos, timestamps, screenshots, testimonies) as you may need to take action later. No emotions, you're just "worried about everyone's wellbeing".

Mould, vermine and leaks are enemies. Act yesterday.

Avoid big purchases. You don't know what the future (location, size, taste) looks like. Go secondhand, neutral, practical.

Avoid silly purchases: streaming, takeout, drinks, fast fashion. You will not regret having a downpayment saved in ten years.

If you ever need to do emergency laundry, put a bin or a bucket in the shower, add water and detergent (+ soda crystal for stains or whitening), wait an hour, rinse, wring, hang.

The shopping:

My grandmother has kept her house clean with a broom, bucket, squeegee broom wrapped in a floorcloth and Marseille soap since the 60s. When something doesn't work, look back.

Must-haves: cleaning (see #1 + cloths, soda, lemons, white vinegar, steel wool), hygiene (scraper, net, shower head filtre, first aid), night (good pillow, plugs, mask) supplies, freezer if possible, water filtre, reusable period protection, winter clothes, long chargers, sunscreen, friend living at home who will lend you tools.

Must-not-haves: anything trendy, collections (even books), a pet - don't let Felix keep you back, sleep over and study in Paris!

Have an emergency kit (+ whatever you need) + a smaller version in the car/at the office (with cash).

Fresh fruit, starches, a few types of frozen vegetables, of cans of legumes, of fresh, canned and frozen protein, a treat, something fun once in a while to experiment + a (bi-)monthly outing.

A couple of formal outfits. Large black dress pants, white shirt, dark grey thin jumper, pencil skirt, blazer, large coat, trench coat, loafers, heels, tall boots. Never slouchy or skin tight, plain.

Craigslist, Facebook marketplace, thrift stores. Spend a few hours making a perfect home board on Pinterest instead of listening to TikTok and taking what Ikea gives you.

The social life:

Make one or two real friends and cherish them forever. Support each other, travel, buy a house together, idk.

Don't be afraid to be/do things alone. You shouldn't fear what your head says when it's not distracted.

Take advantage of what's free.

Don't miss out on huge opportunities for people. Some are around out of necessity and will ghost you after graduation.

Do not try to impress, especially people you don't like and who don't like you. Do not do or say anything cops wouldn't like. Be a homebody who doesn't drink if that's what you want.

Do not try to educate those who will not learn.

Do not befriend someone who lacks confidence as they will make you pay for their jealousy, nor someone who wants a free therapist. Those relationships will be one-sided.

Befriend a couple of older girls. They will see through the lies of the people (men, classmates, employers) trying to fool you.

The love life:

The thirty-two-year-old man doesn't find you mature, he finds you inexperienced and malleable. Do not.

If a date mocks you and you get mad, either that is who he is or he hates you. Either way, he is not for you. Your job is not to pretend you don't care so he can have a girlfriend.

Ask yourself if you would tell your best friend, mother, Taylor Swift, that he (hers) didn't mean it like that. If not, take a break from dating and think about why you think you don't deserve respect.

Don't forgive what you don't want to tolerate.

No nudes. Never nudes.

Don't try to force a relationship with someone who made it clear that he is, for whatever reason, not interested. You will be played like a fiddle until he meets someone he wants.

Don't try communicating with someone who is messing with you on purpose. No one ignores you for three days or sleeps with your friend or breaks your favourite necklace after an argument by accident. Also, your husband would never.

The daily life:

Have a clean e-mail address (firstname.lastname) for official biz and a casual one (f.lastna) for everything else, a solid password (Lanadelrey1984#) - change it yearly - and a list of any username and password you didn't pick.

If you don't trust your parents, block them off your account or open a new one when you turn 18 before they rob you.

Save a year's worth of expenses, don't purchase what you couldn't buy twice now, don't replace what still works, give yourself week-long thinking periods before spending.

Get folders for your paperwork and keep them safe + take pictures for an encrypted Drive (beware of iCloud): diplomas, flat, car, big purchases, work, taxes, health, etc.

Print pics and make albums. One day, the app will die.

Mind your health. Exercise weekly (cardio/strength, ex: runs + weighted Pilates), walk, get more water, sleep, and fibre, take vitamin D, mind your eyes/ears/skin/teeth, stretch, leave.

Only invest energy, money, or time into what is worth it. FaceTime before the date. Get secondhand leather boots instead of replacing plastic. Drop the book after 100 bad pages.

Refuse conversations with people whose lives you wouldn't want, who happily overwork for a mediocre wage and don't know how old their children are. The handcuffs are homemade.

The job:

People will not forget how you made them feel and the world is a small place. Colleagues, clients, bosses will gossip: make sure it is for good reason. Dress and look clean, stand straight, be on time, never ever gossip, even when you were wronged.

Understand the power of sobriety. Be known for the success of your last project, not your bright skirts or temper.

Protect future you so you get the promotion/project/raise. No friends, no enemies. Smile, have neutral answers, make them talk, move on, make your IG private, google your name.

Lie. You don't avoid them, you eat lunch with your nana (hi Paula, no, I forgot about the hairdresser's), weren't unemployed, your father was ill, cannot go out, you have a birthday party.

Act boring with the jealous old woman or the obnoxious man. Take the fake compliment for a real one, don't understand the innuendo, have too much work to chat. Bullies get bored.

Instead of clapping back (see #3), be Cinderella, who ignores the insults and turns to Mr. No nonsense, who has been there twenty years, worryingly asking if Ethel is okay, I don't know what to do (no mention of ego, you're just distraught about her).

Sites to look up: Proton (mail, VPN, drive), Notion.

Love,

Mum

(PS - apologies if the she/he thing doesn't match you, this is a flexible plan for all of my children)

[cpt-winters]

Hostage / Kidnapping Whump - Part Three (Part One, Part Two)

Note for tagslist - This half will be the captivity/interrogative part of the mini-series, so please lmk if you would like to be removed or added from the tagslist

Whumpee's unfocused gaze followed the scarlet trail dripping the floor, soaking the cement floor in a scarlet puddle. He didn't even know where the blood was coming from anymore.

"Whumpee?" Leader's familiar voice carried across the small space. "Are you- are you okay?"

Was he? Here they were, stuck with Whumper for going on three weeks now. Three weeks for something that could've been over in three seconds. If only Leader and pulled the damn trigger when he had the chance.

"Come on," Leader tried. "Talk to me."

Whumpee kept his head hung as the doors slid open, Whumper's footsteps growing closer. “I’ll.. tell you what you want.”

"No-" his sergeant cut in. "You can't. Whumpee.. Whumpee, don't."

His eyes didn’t leave the cracks that cut through the cement floor below him as the mercenary's boots stepped into their peripheral. Fingers clasped ahold of his chin, slowly lifting the soldier’s gaze to meet the Whumper's.

“Where is it?”

The man cried out as teeth tore into his palm. Whumpee jerked his head to the side, ripping a fold of skin clear before spitting the bloodied flesh from his lips as the mercenary stumbled back, pushing his hand to his chest.

A lopsided grin wormed its way onto the Whumpee’s face, scarlet dribbling out of it as his shoulders shook, chuckles breaking between his desperate pants. “-Fuck..you..”

He barely registered the fist shooting toward him until it crashed into his face, snapping his neck back before his head fell into the next punch. His vision blurred red as each strike closely followed another, then another and another. A few grunts escaped him, hard knuckles smacking against wet skin as a warm sensation overtook his features.

Leader was saying something - shouting maybe, but what remained a mystery.

Whumper reeled his arm back as a shaky groan left the other before the fist hammered into his chest, cracking something inside. Whumpee keeled over the side of the seat as the restraints would allow, gasping to catch his breath as the other man staggered back, cradling a hand now stained in both his and his captive's blood.

Coughing and spluttering on the blood threatening to clog up his throat, Whumpee made no move to sit back up as the mercenary's rushed footsteps receded toward the door.

"Whumpee? Fuck-"

"Y..you.." he rasped, each breath accompanied by a painful wheeze as his chest tightened. "You should've.. shot him." Whumpee spat out another mouthful of blood, the action doing little to clear the coppery taste from his mouth.

A stiff pause filled the cell.

"I couldn't."

Whumpee lifted his head, squinting at Leader, one eye too swollen to see out of. "And why the hell not?" he choked out. "Now- now we're both gonna die."

"No." Leader shook his head. "We just have to hold on. Our team's coming. They'll find us."

Whumpee's eyes drifted back to the floor.

"Will they?"

Tagslist - @dutifullykrispyland @gala1981 @jinxquickfoot @hostagesituations

[cogglebee]

Caroline Characterization

Some things for my Portal 2 Caroline, Caroline AU because I'm properly writing it right now :3 spoilers for portal 2 !! (forgive me this is mostly just a very long ramble about Caroline)

The first chapter is entirely from Caroline's perspective. From what we can tell with the voice lines and context within the game, Caroline is a generally kind, smart and well educated woman.

This is further supported in the Portal 2 Collectors Edition Guide (I sound like a nerd right now but bear with me, this is all important)

Page 323, "As Chell and GLaDOS press on, more and more of Caroline comes forward, making GLaDOS more human and caring like Caroline was." and Page 325, "Caroline cares, GLaDOS does not." However, in her last voice line that's included in the game, she's got a much different tone than before. Maybe I'm reaching here, but I assume she's grown tired, maybe even cynical. You don't work in a place like Aperture, especially not so closely with the CEO himself, and not remain a morally good person.

If we look back at the Portal 2 Guide, the timeline we can see at the bottom of Page 315, the specific wording is, "To implement the Genetic component, the essence of Caroline, Cave Johnson's trusted assistant, is infused into the existing OS to provide the basis for GLaDOS' thought processes."

I believe that this also means that GLaDOS' personality is based of Caroline's own, we see how she presents herself publicly, but what about privately? (Though to be fair, you could also make the point that Caroline's anger at being uploaded into GLaDOS also heavily impacted the base of GLaDOS' behavior. Especially since she only activated for the first time AFTER having Caroline infused/uploaded to her OS.)

I'm mostly rambling here, but my point is, I think Caroline to her core is a caring person. However, her time working in Aperture, being a scientist, as well as being a working woman around the 1950's, have all affected who she is now (or rather, 30-40 years later in the 1980-90's)

Caroline is cynical, she's tired of this. By the time Cave Johnson is dead, she knows her fate is sealed. My personal hc is that she keeping going to Aperture, keeps working and acting as CEO, because of her own stubborn pride. She knows she can't stop the GLaDOS project. The project was started 10 years before she was forced into GLaDOS.

She doesn't want this. That much is made clear in her scrapped voice lines, and can be inferred in the game (her interruption when Cave said he wanted Caroline to run the place if he died before they could upload him instead. Also during the core transfer when Wheatley asks if it will hurt, she says, "Oh it will, believe me, it will." as well as her general reaction during the core transfer. Her shouts of protest are horrifying with the context of Caroline.)

But what I was getting at fr !!! The first chapter is Caroline walking into the GLaDOS Chamber the night before she's supposed to be uploaded. She's resigned to her fate, but she is still angry. She is cynical, and believes this will all backfire on the scientists. The entire scene is morbid, it's like a funeral. She is mourning herself.

The entire AU is based off the song Evelyn Evelyn, so the rest of the fic has both Caroline and GLaDOS' perspectives. But the first chapter is more inspired by As the World Caves In. It's Caroline's first conversation with GLaDOS (even if one sided).

[neege]

I've kind of realized that I don't care what "aesthetic" my favorite characters have, I don't care if they're more fem or masc or anything at all. I only care that they have the same core personality traits they have in canon that make them who they are. Hopefully their aesthetic is a reflection of this, or enhances this somehow but if people like to get creative in how a character looks or presents, I don't mind that at all!

[eepyism]

day 4 ADVENTURE AWAITS!!! I KEEP BEING LATE AND IK IT DOESNT MATTER BUT LIKE IDK

DAY 5 HEADCANONS!!!

YES HES A TRANSMASC ENBY LESBIAN THATS CANON IN MY HEART

[ariscats]

do you want to know a scene that pisses me off in tig? the one right after thea and avery go dress shooping and thea ask if avery has thought abt her hair/makeup for the event and averys replies saying thats the only thing shes has been thinking

(which, the first time i read i though she was being mean but then i realised that she was trying to make a joke, sort of, bc its not rl averys style to be mean to anyone, she even says that once, and it would be out of character to her to be genuinely judging a girl, that she was trying to be nice the whole afternoon bc she genuinely thought thea wanted to be friends w her, for liking to dress up, when herself has to do it. Also the “deadpan” style she says that follows along other jokes she made on the book, specially the ones she made with max, also she could be joking bc she got shot the afternoon bf and rl didnt had the time to think abt anything else)

and i guess thea took it in the mean way, or she was just a bitch bc she replies saying that she thought the only thing avery was thinking was the boys (this is right after everyone finds out abt jameson and avery kissing and basically “shame” on her for that, or just gossip on her back). Like, sorry?? you dont even know this girl at all and youre saying all she thinks abt is some boys??? all of that bc you hate said boys?? even if avery was mean, youre trying to beat misoginy w more misoginy?? thea blind hate for the hawthornes and using avery to hit them is rl my last straw bc what in the girls girls world is that

[carrot-felisidad]

@traditionalartist

Kouki is living a normal slice-of-life story. He wakes up everyday to go to work, he greets the neighbors, he smiles at the customers, he calms them down, and he goes home and reads his manga. One particular manga, a work he has been following since high school, is about a hero who will stop at nothing to defeat the villain of the arc. It has been 23 story arcs, the hero is still fighting, unwavering, handsome, and devastatingly without a love interest.

One day while going home from work after fighting with a rude customer that got him fired, he was pushed by someone towards the road and met the fate delivered by truck-kun. He woke up in the hero's world, and surprisingly enough, the hero, Oreshi, knows him as one of his beloved characters from a book he adores. He's had crush with the main character for the longest time.

"Me??? Why would you like a character like me? And why would you read a book about my boring life???"

"I love your simple adventures and your genuine heart. If everyone in this world is like you, I wouldn't have to be an exhausted hero."

"You're exhausted? I thought... you fight non-stop for world peace?"

"You have no idea how much I want to live in your world. With you."

Kouki feels for him. By arc 17, Kouki realized how Oreshi's story never had any omake or filler chapter where he lounges around with friends. He's always fighting, and if not, he's alone.

Fuck it. Kouki said to himself. This is just a fictional story anyway. I'm taking Oreshi away from here.

And so the two ran away to the faraway forest and lived in domestic bliss for months. They made a house and lived on farming and trading. The world wondered where their hero was, but for once, Oreshi was happy and contented. He doesn't want these moments to end.

One day, there appeared a mysterious and unknown man. He is fast. He is strong. He is cunning. And he looks exactly like Oreshi. He is the villain of the 24th arc.

He defeated Oreshi easily.

"Just so you know, I planted this average and mediocre boy in this world to serve as your weakness." The villain laughed. "How does it feel to finally lose, and in the hands of a powerless at that?"

"You..." Oreshi seethed towards Kouki, "The two of you planned this???"

"That's not true!" Kouki cried. "I never intended to do that. I just wanted you to stop fighting!"

The villain inserted, "And that rendered him unprepared and without training for months. My, my, I never pegged you to be so useful, you useless commoner." He looked at Oreshi, "Now that my job here is done, I will take the final blow and take this boy you loved so much, since you hate him now."

At the villain's lair, Kouki becomes a prisoner the villain, Bokushi, pokes from time to time. The villain loves teasing him with hurtful words that involves Oreshi, and how he has become his devastating weakness.

Kouki's heart grew darker, his hatred towards Bokushi turned him to think, fine, I will be your weakness as well. And then Oreshi can defeat you

Kouki learned how to use his charms.

And it worked!

Bokushi fell hard.

And he became the villain's weakness.

Oh, and Oreshi is marching towards the villain's lair, ready for revenge against Kouki and Bokushi.

He expected that they would be buddies, Kouki played with him for Bokushi after all, but he never expected the sharp pain upon seeing their bodies intertwined.

[coastalwind]

Hoje faço 12 anos de Tumblr! 🥳

[a-tall-hobbit]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[lakanakana]

war never changes

[thankstothe]

folk hero really

[theshyzombie]

I take a bite of my grilled chicken, "What do you mean I have vampiric blood in me? How is that even possible? I thought vampires couldn't procreate unless they bite someone?" I stare at my best friend and roommate, who is double major in Folklore and Mythology along with Biology, specifically the study of humans. "Look, you remember how I took that blood sample from you?" "You mean when I had accidentally opened a scab and you stole the bandaid afterwards?" I point my fork at her, "Disgusting by the way."

"You don't like needles! What was I suppose to do?"

"I.. don't know. But not steal a used bandaid out of the trash."

"I just... whatever. It doesn't matter, what matters, is that the reason you fit into our world so easily, other than because of family connections, is because somewhere in your family lineage, someone procreated with a vampire." My roommate responds in a hushed whisper, as we were in the food court and could get in trouble for talking of our world so openly that someone could overhear. "I haven't had my 'Mythology' class yet, so I haven't had the chance to ask Professor Venwynn about it yet," she puts air quotes around the word Mythology.

I sigh and lean against the back of the booth we're seated in, "Look. There is nothing special about me. I'm just an average college student, trying to make it through college without having a mental breakdown every 10 minutes. Just because I've been told I have ancient family connections doesn't mean I'm special."

"Okay, but think about it. You can't swim -"

"But I love rivers and the ocean. You know vamps can't cross running water, I have no problem doing it.

"You really like meat. Remember that summer when we were 15 and you tried to go vegetarian? You got so sick, the healers didn't know what was wrong."

"Okay, but I don't eat bloody steak. Mine are usually medium or so."

"You don't like religious architecture,"

"They stole it from other cultures and then claim it's theirs."

"And you get sunburned way too easily."

"I have a lot of European ancestry, and the biggest part of it is Irish.

"Exactly! It all seems normal, but what if it's normal because it's in your blood?"

I sighed, again, there was no way she will drop it, "Fine. Ask your questions. Make your speculations, but I refuse to believe it until you have solid evidence."

She perked up and clapped her hands. Sometimes she can be so smart and serious, I forget her child-like first impression, with her 5 foot nothing height. How I made friends with a fey always confuses me. The only reason I am part of our world is my family has elven ancestry on my mom's side, supposedly. But then great-great-great-great-grandma fell in love with a human, effectively making me 1/32 elven.

"Come on, we've got classes still." I stand up to my full 6 feet, pick up our trash, and walk it to the bin while she gathers her purse and sweater. Sometimes, blending into the human world is exhausting. But, as we have been doing it since high school, and we're almost done with our 4th year of college, it comes second nature. She bounces up to me and nestles herself into my side under my arm, "Let's go to class, Lily." "Of course, Ellie"

You have Vampiric Blood running through your veins. However, that blood comes from quite a few generations back, so all it really means is that you like eating meat, can’t swim, get mildly annoyed by religious architecture, and get sunburned really easily.

[tawnysoup]

Found my fav Slay the Princess route recently. Dragon my beloved. Your horrifying beak mouth was an impossible-to-refuse lip syncing challenge 💖

Shoutouts to @blacktabbygames for making such a cool game!

[yumenikkii]

just another average day in gravity falls