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proxylynn · 4 years ago

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Underfell: File Name not Edgy Enough #25

WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^

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Hell hath no fury like this fish woman. For Undyne's rage casts a near-visible aura of hate as she stormed her way into Hotland. Clad in her special armor, keeping her form from dehydrating, she intimidates those that witness her barreling towards the Lab. With a mighty kick, she almost hurls the doors from their hinges before continuing inside. Knowing all too well where her intended target is. Cameras follow her movements but do little to warn their owner in time. Alphys receives the signal just as the echos of hurried stomps reaches her ears. By the time the doors are thrown open, Alphys has made the scene a little more authentic and hides away her more sketchy items. As one can imagine, the Captain of the Royal Guard is less than pleased to see a human being given treatment instead of having its soul collected.

"U-Undyne...W-W-What a surprise."

"Cut the crap, Alphys. How long have you known about it being in the Underground?! Why wasn't I informed?! And why, in Asgore's name, are you keeping that thing alive?!"

The disgruntled captain points at the unconscious human strapped to a bloody slab with several machines around her. Thick bandages cover the wounds given on-screen, the eerie beeps of the machines that are annoyingly loud in the silence, sticky liquid crimson softly dribbles from the slab edges to a small pool draining on the floor as tubes and wires are placed on vital areas. The scene looks like a medical mess. For what good it does to try, Alphys puts on a straight face and gets professionally cold to defend her work.

"Your Captain of the Guard status does not mean I report to you or have to inform you of anything."

The rage of Undyne only increases.

"What did you say?!"

Alphys adjusts her glasses, snidely flipping Undyne off with her middle finger.

"I am the Royal Scientist. I work under and report directly to the King himself. My rank supersedes yours. And as such, unless it is a matter that requires your assistance, I will inform only those that are needed to be informed. Understood?"

Undyne snarls beneath her helmet. This type of thing wasn't uncommon. She knows that Alphys separates herself when it comes to her work. Undyne does it too but tries not to be so obnoxious. It's moments like this that make her crush a little less on this lizard girl.

"But to answer your question...This human has been living in the Ruins for quite some time. Sans and Papyrus have been monitoring her for me."

The skeletons? Those sneaky bastards! She bet Papyrus was thinking he'd use this to one-up her.

"Why use them and not me?"

"Really? You can't stand the cold and they live there. It's a no brainer."

Good point.

"Okay...But why monitor? The law clearly states that the soul of any human is to be collected. No exceptions!"

Undyne summons a spear and readies to spike the human through the face. That is till Alphys moves over to the human and interacts with one of the machines, making her soul slowly emerge...it's white. This sight has the captain of the guard drop her weapon and remove her helm to ensure her eye was not playing a trick on her. Without her helm, the true visage of the Captain of the Guard is shown. Undyne is a piscine anthropomorphic monster. She has blue scales and a long red hair she keeps in a wild ponytail. Red and blue fins on the sides of her head act like ears, she has no nose to speak of. Her teeth are sharp yellow daggers like a barracuda or shark. She has red eye shadow and has an eye-patch on her left eye. Her good eye has a black vertical pupil and a yellow sclera.

"It's...White? What the hell? It was light blue on TV. I saw it!"

"We all did. And it was purple when I first examined her. This is why I've had her under severance and not executed. This human...It's not like the humans we've encountered or the ones in our texts. She seems to be able to change traits or possesses multiple traits."

"How is that possible? Is that even a thing? Is that a thing humans can do now?"

"I haven't collected enough data to determine that. My current theory is that she may be a random mutation, an evolutionary anomaly of sorts. Though, from the information I have gotten, it seems the humans of now have indeed fully lost their usage of magic."

"I thought those past ones seemed off."

"Yes. The previous humans were lacking in their levels of magic but they still possessed it. This one, however, according to my scans had no magic in her soul prior to coming to the Underground."

Scientist say what?

"Wait...What's that supposed to mean?"

Alphys pulls out what looks to be her cell phone and moves it over the soul, scanning till it beeps. She then shows the results to the Captain.

"There's at least 20% to 30% magic now resonating in her soul. Enough to trigger magic prepubescence."

Undyne snickers at the thought of such a thing and it nearly breaks Alphys's composure.

"You can't be serious."

"I am. I had to stabilize the flux with those patches we give out to teens. It's why she's about 30%."

"Dare I ask...How a non-magic soul suddenly has magic?"

"Not sure. Perhaps it's the nature of such a weak soul to pull magic when it can, however, it can. Be it from the surroundings, food, or contact with other beings of magic. Who's to say? Or her soul could be like a parasite and leeching magic for as of yet unknown reasons. I'm just throwing ideas at this point."

"So...What you're saying is the human is dangerous."

"All humans are dangerous, Undyne. But this one? *scoff* Since being down here her LV hasn't budged from its base level."

The Captain is intrigued.

"Has it not been in a fight?"

"Quite the opposite. There's plenty of telltale signs, not to mention video surveillance, that indicates she's been attacked."

"So the wimp flees? Pathetic."

"Sometimes. Most of the time they endure the fight and find a way to end it without fighting back."

A gruff laugh leaves the fish woman.

"Pacifism? Down here? Now that's a joke."

Alphys checks on a liquid-filled bag that's emptying into the human's veins.

"As dumb as it may be, her strategy is a good thing..."

She increases the dripping.

"By not attacking, she isn't killing anyone. And by not killing anyone, she isn't gaining LV. And you know what that means."

Undyne grins like a hungry barracuda.

"It makes it all the easier to collect the last soul."

Alphys nods and removes her glasses to clean them.

"Still...With the number of unknown variables, I'd have to insist on further study of this soul and not just yet bringing it to the King, even if she dies."

"How come?"

"Like I said, too many unknowns. If Asgore wishes to fuse with the seven souls it would be best to make sure this one doesn't overpower or corrupt his own."

"Hmmm...I guess that's fair. We don't need to waste the human souls and lose the King if we can help it."

"My thoughts exactly."

Alphys puts her glasses back on and steps away from the human.

"Come, Undyne. We must leave now."

Confusion comes to the Captain.

"What? Why? You're really going to leave her unattended?"

Alphys grows colder.

"Do not be so stupid."

Undyne had to bite her tongue hard.

"I never said she'd be alone."

With a simple button press on her phone, the sound of speeding rubber screeches towards them, the door opening seconds later.

"IS IT TIME? SHE'S IN STABLE CONDITION?"

Mettaton skids to a stop with excitement.

"She's stable. And under heavy sedation. You may proceed with the prep work."

Digitized giggling pours from the automaton.

"EXCELLENT. LADIES, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME..."

Undyne is ushered out by Alphys before she can question things.

"Um..."

"Don't think about it too much."

"But..."

"As they say...The show must go on. I suggest you stick around and watch what unfolds."

Undyne groans to herself.

"I'll make that spicy ramen that you like."

"...Extra chili flakes?"

"Yep."

"Hot damn!"

With the women gone, Mettaton turns his attention to the human on the slab.

"OH DARLING..."

A compartment opens on his side and he extracts what looks like a kit of some kind.

"WE HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO."

[AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER-BEHIND THE LAB]

The wall of the building opens up, a split door allows the heat of Hotland in while the unconscious human carried by the killer robot comes out.

"FINALLY...THE SHOW CAN COMMENCE ONCE AGAIN."

While two of his arms set the human down his other two open a bottle of smelling salts and wave it under her nose, slowly rousing her back to consciousness.

"WAKIE WAKIE, DARLING."

She groans in delirium and sits up. Medical grade sedatives really pack a punch.

"FOCUS DEAR. HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?"

Mettaton holds up his four arms and each is displaying two fingers. Her head wobbles with dizziness and she rubs the sleep from her eyes.

"Mettaton? *yawn* Why is it so hot?"

Why did she have to be so cute when so messed up?

"I'LL ANSWER YOU IF YOU ANSWER ME."

She shakes her head clear and stares at him for a bit.

"Eight."

He sighs with relief and helps her up before patting her head.

"GOOD. YOU'RE PERFECTLY FINE."

"Not entirely sure that's what I'd call it after the game you made me do. But whatever. Least I ain't dead."

"THERE WE GO. ALWAYS LOOKING ON THE POSITIVE SIDE OF THINGS."

Her senses coming back, she looks at her form and begins growling at the mechanical television star.

"IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?"

"I'm going to ask this as calmly as I can and I want you to be honest...Did you dress me in my sleep?!"

In Mettaton's defense, it's not like he could leave her in her bloody outfit or the medical gown. And to his credit, he made it for her to be both fashionable as well as comfortable in Hotland's arid heat. A black zip back cutout crisscross cami top with MTT emblazoned in red across the chest, waist-high black garter shorts with tiny Mettaton studs along the straps, black ripped footless tights end in knee-high black riding boots that have red MTT zippers, and to add to her annoyance her nails were also painted red. The only normal thing about her was he kept her hair tied in a ponytail but moved it higher up to be more lively than her usual dead weight droop.

"TO BE FAIR, DARLING, YOU WERE A BLOODY MESS AFTER THE SHOW. IT WOULD BE TASTELESS TO HAVE MY CO-STAR CONTINUE IN ANYTHING LESS THAN THE BEST."

She gets flustered.

"That's not the point! You could've waited till I was awake and I would've dressed myself! Instead, you did so while I was vulnerable."

She shudders and looks away from him.

"To think...I started to like you."

An exclamation mark flashes on his screen.

"But it seems you're just as bad as the scum on the surface."

He panics and waves his hands in defense.

"W-WAIT A SECOND, DEAR, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Then...Aside from seeing my frail body, do you deny the obvious usage of me as brand advertisement?"

The look she gives him is cold and hurt, making him flinch.

"UM...WELL...I..."

She turns around with her hands on her hips and smirks.

"We're not on camera right now, are we?"

His screen flashes in confusion.

"...NO? NO CAMERAS ARE ACTIVE AT THIS MOMENT. WHY?"

"Heh...Because you're being you right now. The same guy I got to know over the phone. TV you is more cold and sticks to the script, like a soulless machine. This you, the ghost in the shell, this guy I like and willing to work with."

He's caught off guard by that remark.

"UM...WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"Which part?"

"GHOST IN THE SHELL."

"Oh, that? It's the name of a manga/anime series. The setting is a future where technology is so advanced that it becomes an existential crisis if souls can transfer over to pure machine bodies and if artificial intelligence can gain humanity through cyber-evolution. It's really deep."

"OH."

"It also is a play on the fact you're literally a ghost in a robot shell."

He flinches.

"W-WHAT? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE..."

"Dude, don't lie. We're not on camera and Alphys already confirmed my suspicions."

He blanks for a moment sighing.

"WELL...BRAVO, DARLING. YOU'VE SOLVED MY GREATEST SECRET."

She shrugs.

"It's no big deal. And don't worry about anyone else knowing, I ain't a snitch."

"SUCH A CLEVER GIRL. I KNEW YOU'D BE PERFECT FOR THIS."

Her arms fold.

"While I was messing with you before, I am pissed about this."

"WHICH PART?"

"This! This isn't my style. It feels weird and shows way too much skin for my liking."

At this rate, he was lucky she couldn't see her reflection or she'd be pissed about how he did her makeup. Red eye-shadow to create a smoky effect on her eyelids. Mascara to make her long lashes even longer. A bold black swoop of liquid eyeliner all the way to the outer corners of her eyes and swept a little up at the end. And the pièce de résistance is the luscious red lipstick to make it all pop.

"BUT, DARLING, YOUR OLD CLOTHES WERE RUINED. BESIDES, WITH HOW THICK THAT FABRIC WAS, YOU'D DIHYDRATE IN MOMENTS OUT HERE. AND NO ONE WANTS A SWEATY DRIED OUT SACK ON SCREEN."

She leers.

"NOT SAYING YOU ARE ONE. MAKING THAT CLEAR HERE."

She sighs.

"I see your point. I ain't happy about it, but I see the reason behind it."

"GOOD."

She checks herself and gets upset.

"My items? Where are my items?!"

"I TOLD YOU, YOUR CLOTHES WERE A MESS AND I CHANGED YOU INTO THIS."

She grabs him.

"Metta, my buddy, I need my gear. My stats are crap without my items. Please tell me you didn't trash them...Please?!"

To understand her panic he checks her.

[Lynsie - LV:1 - HP: 40 ATK: 20 DEF: 11 - Too nice for her own good.]

Her HP increased? How? Her LV hasn't increased. Did she earn EXP in the game and recovery? Wait...The other stats are dangerously weak. Hmmm...This gives him a wicked idea. If his screen could grin it would be wide and twisted.

"OH HEAVENS NO, DARLING. YOUR POSSESSIONS ARE SAFE."

Her eyes light up.

"Sweet! Can I please have them?"

He grabs her waist and scoots her back from him a bit.

"UNFORTUNATELY, I DO NOT HAVE THEM ON ME."

"But...W-Where are they then?"

All four hands point out into the distance.

"YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ITEMS BACK...ONCE YOU MAKE TO THE NEXT FILM SET."

Her jaw drops.

"Dude! Are you freaking serious? Do we see the same stats? Because I'm fairly sure I can get one-shot killed out here."

"RELAX, DARLING..."

"Relax?! Says the guy that literally can't be hurt!"

He waves dismissively.

"AND THEY CALL ME DRAMATIC. LOOK, I CAN'T JUST GIVE YOU THEM BACK NOR CAN I TAKE YOU TO THE NEXT SET. YOU SHOULD KNOW THE REASON WHY."

She glares before pouting in defeat.

"The law requires you to still attempt to 'capture' me."

His screen flashes.

"BINGO! AND TO PROVE THAT I AM FOLLOWING THE LAW WHILE STILL WORKING WITH YOU, YOU WILL BE TELEVISED AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH MY SHOW GAUNTLET."

She looks at him funny.

"TO BE HONEST IT'S JUST NORMAL ENVIRONMENT AND PIPEWORK FOR THE CORE. BUT I DID ADD OBSTACLES AND PUZZLES, SO TECHNICALLY IT COUNTS."

Her funny look grows.

"And you film back there in all that?"

"IT MAKES MORE SENSE WHEN YOU SEE IT."

"I guess."

All four hands slap together in a loud clap.

"GREAT! NOW THAT THAT IS ALL SAID AND DONE, HERE'S THE DEAL. ONCE YOU TURN THAT CORNER AND BEGIN THE TREK, YOU'LL BE BACK ON TV."

"Okay."

"TRY NOT TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL, WE DON'T NEED VIEWERS KNOWING YOU'VE BEEN HERE LONGER THAN ADVERTISED AND WITH THE HELP OF OTHERS."

"True, very true."

"AND SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR PHONE..."

"Can I get that back too? I swear I won't make calls."

"OR TEXT?"

"Did you even see my phone? It can't text or take pictures."

"HMMM...I'LL THINK ABOUT IT."

"Please and thank you."

"LIKE I WAS SAYING SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE IT AND MAY NEED HELP UNDERSTANDING A FEW OF THE MORE TRICKIER PUZZLES..."

On hand retreats into his body and pops out with a small clip-like earring that, you guessed it, looks like him.

"ATTACH THIS TO YOUR EAR AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO HEAR MY MELODIOUS VOICE WHEN I NOTICE YOU'RE NOT PROGRESSING."

"Not that I'm against it, but isn't this cheating?"

He chuckles while bringing her close and clipping it to her right ear.

"DON'T THINK OF IT LIKE THAT. IT'S LIKE YOU SAID, YOU'RE WILLING TO WORK WITH ME AND WE BOTH DON'T WANT YOU DEAD. YOU'LL STILL BE GOING AT THIS ON YOUR OWN, BUT WITH A LITTLE LIFELINE THAT GIVES YOU CLUES AND NOT FULL ANSWERS. NOW DOES THAT SOUND MORE OKAY?"

"FANTASTIC!"

He spins around and shoves her to the ground before retracting his wheel to begin hovering.

"WELL, DARLING, THE NEXT WE MEET I HOPE IT TO BE SOON AND WHILE YOU STILL BREATHE."

"Um...Me too."

He takes off like a rocket to the next stage, kicking up dust and smoke in his wake.

"FAIR THEE WELL...!"

The cloud takes a bit to settle and the human finds herself alone. The path ahead is unknown but the only way to go. Somehow being behind the building she thinks she was held within and with no door to speak of insight. She silently prayed that her trust in the robot that abducted her was well placed...even though that thought made her question her ability to pick people to trust. Either way, her journey through game show hell begins now as she walks the lonely road that is way too narrow and high up for her liking.

[Snowdin: Skeleton House in present time]

Nothing. Nothing but re-run filler has been on the TV for hours. And all they could do was wait. Wait for any change on that damn picture box. Papyrus was doing his best to keep a worried Toriel and tense Grillby from burning the house down. Sans on the other hand was lost in his mind, retracing the history of his time in the LAB and its many rooms. Where were they hiding the human? What new rooms were added since he left? Could Alphys still be using the old underground facility?

*obnoxious fanfare*

The television cuts from its old showing to Mettaton live out in Hotland, on real clues can be seen as he hovers about the volcanic rock.

"SORRY FOR THE DELAY MY DEADLY GUYS AND DOLLS. SEEMS I WAS A BIT TOO ROUGH DURING OUR LAST GAME AND MY CO-STAR NEEDED EXTRA TIME TO RECOVER. GUESS I DON'T KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH."

His nonchalant attitude and words were far from comforting to the four.

"BUT FEAR NOT, AS SHE HAS MADE A FULL RECOVERY!"

A weight is lifted from the room.

"IN FACT, SHE'S ON THE START OF THE NEXT PHASE OF OUR SHOW. A DANGEROUS GAUNTLET OF OBSITCLES, DAUNTING PUZZLES, AND THE RANDOM VAGABOND THAT MAY OR MAY NOT JUST HAPPEN TO BE WANDERING AROUND."

The video feed shifts to the human on a conveyor belt. Merely scrolling along in a tacky outfit and makeup trying not to look down.

"The fuck is she wearing?!"

Grillby fumes. Toriel is equally unhappy about her daughter's new look. Sans rolls his eyes, finding it somewhat funny that Grillby is displeased by this when did way worse before.

"HER GOAL, REACH THE END TO BEGIN OUR NEXT SHOW SEGMENT. SHE WILL REPEAT THIS TWO MORE TIMES BEFORE ENDING WITH OUR FOURTH AND FINAL ENCOUNTER."

That doesn't sound good. The feed zooms in on her.

"WILL SHE SURVIVE AND EARN HER LIFE TO LIVE FOR ANOTHER DAY? OR WILL THIS BE THE DAY THE LAST SOUL IS COLLECTED? WE SHALL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH. IN THE MEANTIME, I NEED TO AQUIRE A FEW ODDS AND ENDS, SO I LEAVE YOU TO OUR DARLING'S DARING DO. ENJOY."

The camera switches to a different angle and continues to follow her. Before the words can even leave Papyrus's mouth Sans is already shaking his head.

"i still don't know where that is."

"ARE YOU SURE?"

"trust me, i don't recognize where she's at."

"Don't you have a post in Hotland?"

Grillby points out much to Papyrus's puzzlement.

"YOU HAVE A POST IN HOTLAND?"

Sans sighs.

"it's like i told ya, i do more than ya think i do. i have posts at the start of snowdin forest, waterfall's beginning, level two of hotland, and i am the one that waits in the judgment hall."

Papyrus is even more confused but Toriel starts to broil.

"You...You were the one all along, were you not?"

Sans balls his fists, bracing for this.

"You were the one that killed the humans that left the Ruins."

No Tori...not all...just one...over and over again.

"no. i haven't killed anyone."

That gave her some relief. But more questions.

"Then if not you, who does harm them?"

"asgore does."

And that killed it. Her eyes sink with a flame, one of hate and despair. It's painfully obvious. She's going to snap.

"ya should know he doesn't take pleasure in doin' it."

Her expression falters.

"it's a lot of weight on that old goat's shoulders. what with bein' a king and everyone expectin' him to solve all our problems, like breakin' the barrier. it's one thing to kill someone that's wronged ya. it's much harder to look an innocent in the eyes and end them."

She frowns, seeing some truth in his words.

"ya may hate his guts, but he's harborin' the biggest burden. bein' the one to harvest the souls."

"But..."

Does she still wish to fight?

"But the law states humans are to be killed on sight, right? You can not tell me the Guard has not spilled blood in all this time!"

"ACTUALLY..."

Papyrus chimes in.

"WHILE IT'S TRUE, THAT IS THE BLUNTEST FORM OF THE LAW, IT'S NOT THE EXACT WORDING. *AHEM* IF A LIVING HUMAN IS FOUND IN THE UNDERGROUND THAN THEY ARE TO BE ENGAGED AND CAPTURED. EXTREME CAUTION AND VIOLENCE IS TO BE USED IN THE APRENTION OF HUMAN SOULS. NOWHERE IS IT SAID WE ARE TO KILL ON SIGHT. BUT THE CURRENT CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD HAS INTERPRETED THIS LAW IN HER OWN WAY AND INFORCES IT AS SUCH...DEATH TO ALL HUMANS. NO EXCEPTIONS. OVERTIME, THAT'S HOW THE LAW EVOLVED TO BE KNOWN TO THE PUBLIC."

"Why?"

"captain undyne lost her family in the war. that kind of wound doesn't heal easily. it didn't help much that the hammer of punishment took her in as his own."

That name struck a chord.

"Gerson? I suppose that does make sense. He was ruthless in his prime. And he left our court when we choose to surrender. Said we were showing weakness by giving in. So many were already lost...We wanted to end the slaughter before the dust count became unrecognizable."

"seems that spite got passed on in undyne."

"OUR CAPTAIN GOES BY ANOTHER...THE SPEAR OF PUNISHMENT."

Her worry overcomes any animosity she held.

"I pray my child never encounters your Captain."

One can only hope.

"Shit..."

Grillby gets their attention.

"She's been spotted."

Eyes return to the television and the footage shown. The human had passed the large system of conveyor belts going forward and backward. Exhaust ports of vermilion flame burst from nearby pipes in the background, the wooshing sound of steam and cogs adding to the scenery. Reaching the end of the conveyor belts, the human comes into view of several small islands surrounded by boiling lava. Most of these islands hold steam vents. However, the human is unaware of this due to being blocked by a Tsunderplane.

[HOTLAND: LEVEL ONE]

Damn this heat. Damn this plan of yours, Mettaton. And damn this odd-looking monster that won't get out of my way. It appears to resemble a regular real-world modern airplane, an Airbus A340-300 to be exact, wearing a black mob cap with thin red ribbons on it, a faint blush tints its nosecone.

"Um...Do you mind?"

I move slightly to the side, trying to give it room while avoiding the edge. But it just moves the same as I do, almost like a mock mimic. Maybe it's just a fluke. I try it again. And again it does it.

"You're not gonna let me by, are you?"

My soul feels gripped and without skipping a beat, my blue soul comes out, a battle begins.

[Tsunderplane gets in the way! Not on purpose or anything.]

Wait...Don't tell me that name means what I think it does. What are my options?

[FIGHT]

[ACT]

[̴͝SP͜͞E͡L̵͜L͟͠͏]͘͢

[ITEM]

[MERCY]

That weird one came back? It looks so...messed up. I won't touch it. Maybe as a last resort, but not if I can help it. Let's see what this thing is made of.

[ACT selected.]

[New options available.]

[CHECK]

[FLIRT]

[APPROACH]

I am not doing those last two before I know what this thing can do.

[CHECK selected.]

[TSUNDERPLANE – HP: 80 ATK: 25 DEF: 26 – Seems mean, but does it secretly like you?]

"The fuck...?"

This plane catches an attitude.

"No way! Why would I like YOU?!"

Especially since we've only just met. Wait...

"You can talk?!"

It moves it's wings up, summing its attack. Several smaller planes fly horizontally straight from either side above me, dropping bombs that look like miniature nukes. Once a bomb hits the ground, a vertical line of toxic smoke appears and blocks my sight momentarily. All in all, this is not easy to avoid because of the lack of space and I end up taking a really nasty hit.

[HP ████████████████ 15/40]

I'm too afraid to check my wound. My ears are ringing and I feel damp somewhere on my side. I won't stand another hit like that. Damn it! I need my defense items!

*bang*

My head is smacked hard by metal.

[Tsunderplane "accidentally" bumps you with its wing.]

It pushed me back. It's keeping distance. Why it's not like it needs the room, damn thing can fly. I wonder...What'll happen if I get close? But first I need to heal.

[ITEM selected.]

I need to remember to thank Flowey when I see him again. If it wasn't for his prodding I'd have nothing in my inventory.

["Butterscotch Cheesecake" - All HP - Butterscotch cheesecake, one slice.]

"Mmmm...So good. Thanks, mama."

[You ate the Butterscotch Cheesecake. Your HP was maxed out.]

[HP ██████████████████████████████████████████ 40/40]

Ah, much better. Now I just need to avoid getting hit again. My turn ends.

"Hmph! Id... Idiot! Don't get in my way!"

You blocked me, asshat.

She uses a different attack but one that's somewhat easier to deal with. Large planes fly directly at me, leaving a horizontal-moving toxic trail of smoke balls. I am grateful this was it's second go. I dodge this one better, no damage taken.

[Tsunderplane shakes its nose dismissively at you.]

"_... Human..."

Now it speaks in emojis? I mean, I guess that's a thing that can happen, Gaster speaks in hands and junk.

"Something wrong? I can't help but notice."

Going off its behavior and name, I put some real emphasis on the word notice. It flinches. Got you.

Tsundere is a Japanese term for a character development process that depicts a person who is initially cold and sometimes even hostile before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time. The word is derived from the terms tsun tsun ('to turn away in disgust or anger') and dere dere ('to become affectionate'). They're the opposite of a Yandere. Yandere is a Japanese term for a person who is initially very loving and gentle to someone or at least innocent before their devotion becomes destructive in nature, often through violence and/or brutality. The term is derived from the words yanderu (a mental or emotional illness) and dere dere. They are different and yet have one weakness...Wanting the attention of Senpai, the person they have a fondness for. Why do I know all this? Because I'm a big freaking dork! I can use this. I just don't understand why it would have such feelings.

"...H-human ... ...?"

Now to test my theory.

[APPROACH selected.]

[You get close to Tsunderplane. But not too close.]

"Eeeeh? H-human ...?"

It's getting flustered. I'm not proud of this method but if it works to keep me alive, so be it.

"You don't mind me getting close, right?"

[Tsunderplane looks over, then turns up its nose.]

"Huh!? Y-you sicko!"

It spins on heels it doesn't have and nearly takes my head. This ain't going to be easy.

The mini planes return but something's off. Six planes attacked me before, but now there's only three. Easier than before yet still dangerous. That smoke is noxious and obnoxious.

[Tsunderplane gives you a condescending barrel roll.]

"Don't think I'm going easy on you! It's not like I LIKE you."

Your actions say otherwise, so does that growing blush. Time for phase two.

[FLIRT selected.]

[You tell Tsunderplane it has an impressive wingspan.]

"I must say, birds wish they could have wings like that. Very cool."

It covers its nosecone in its wingtips.

"Ah...is that true...?"

"Why would I lie?"

I think this is working. It summons the large planes again but this time the planes are surrounded by narrow green auras and the smoke trails aren't moving. Curiosity has me touching the green and finding it does two things. One, it doesn't hurt me. And two, it's blushing more excitedly. After touching four Tsunderplane is practically glowing, or it could be the headlights. And when that last sixth plane passes Tsunderplane looks away shyly and starts to give off the smell of an airport perfume counter. Maybe just one more to seal the deal.

[FLIRT selected.]

[You tell Tsunderplane it has cute winglets.]

"Awww...Those wingtip fences are so cute! Then again, on such an adorable aircraft, that's to be expected."

It loses its mind. Jetting high up and aileron rolls three times before zipping off into the distance.

[YOU WON!]

[You earned 0 XP and 60 gold.]

Damn! That's some gold! Much needed due to spending all my gold in Waterfall so long ago.

"Not my worse fight but one of the more interesting ones. Till we meet again, Tsunderplane-chan."

I wave to where I saw Tsunderplane fly off and return to my journey. However, this is short-lived once again, but not by a monster. I think this is one of the obstacles Mettaton told me about. The land is broken. Vents shoot out big gusts of steam. I think he intends for me to use these to traverse the area since there are painted red arrows on the one in front of me and the one across from it. The flaw in this plan of his is this...In trying to have seen any of this, I ended up looking down.

Sweat begins to slide down my brow, but not from the heat. My wide eyes can't look away from the high as hell drop to lava that I'm meant to cross. My body starts to tremble. My breathing harsh. I'm going into a panic.

[Snowdin: Skeleton House in present time]

That was a stressful fight to watch. The massive damage the human took at the start made it clear she had been stripped of her armor, adding harsher levels of difficulty to an already challenging task. But they know her well by this point. She's clever. She's adaptable. She's stubborn as hell. And she knows they're likely watching.

["Butterscotch Cheesecake" - All HP - Butterscotch cheesecake, one slice.]

"Mmmm...So good. Thanks, mama."

[You ate the Butterscotch Cheesecake. Your HP was maxed out.]

[HP ██████████████████████████████████████████ 40/40]

Toriel's motherly heart was swelling. This one. This was the one she believed could survive in this hell. And her non-violent victory against the Tsunderplane made it more clear that her daughter wasn't so much the child she believed her to be.

"Yeah! Way to go, pussycat!"

Grillby is at least in better spirits. He nearly torched the couch when he thought of Mettaton stripping her of her armor.

"SHE'S NOT MOVING."

True. The human had won the fight but was now frozen in place by the vents, fear dripped from her face.

"uh oh."

This got attention.

"What is wrong? Why does she not continue?"

"pap and me found this out about her when she first came out of the ruins. she's afraid of heights. and if she doesn't move soon, she'll pass out under the pressure."

"But...It's not like she can just leave. And if she falls..."

No one wanted to finish that thought.

"THE HELL...?"

Something new appears and has their attention.

"Flowey?"

[HOTLAND: LAB]

Undyne had been watching the many screens Alphys controls as part of Mettaton's live feed broadcast. Nothing had been particularly interesting, not even that bogus fight with the Tsunderplane. But then...

"The fuck...? Alphys, you seeing this?"

Of course, the lizard was scribbling like a madman on her notepad. This was something new.

"Huh...Show me what ya got, human."

The fish woman resumes watching with a hearty slurp of noddles.

[HOTLAND: LEVEL ONE]

It's happening again. My legs turn to jelly and I drop to my knees. I can't do this. I can't move. What if I fall? I don't want to burn to death. I heard it's not quick either like how movies portray it. The pain overload is what kills you. I don't want that. I ̕ca͢n̛'́t ͢de̶al͏! Í ̸c̷̨a̴n'͡t!͘

*STATIC* HELLO? DARLING? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

The earpiece Mettaton gave me goes off. But something's interfering.

*STATIC* YOU NEED TO GET GOING, DEAR. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE STEAM. IT WON'T BURN. THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET A BIT TENDER IF YOU PLAY IN THEM TOO LONG.

T̷̵h̷́at̵̨'̧͞s̵̸͞ ́̀not ̷̕͜h́el̴͘̕p̛i̸͜ng͟!̢͟

I feel it starting. The blood dripping from my nose. Why? Why am I so weak?!

*STATIC* DARLING? COME ON. YOU NEED TO MOVE. WE HAD A DEAL.

F̴̶͢u͘͞c̶͞k͏ ͟͏̴ý̢ou ̸́a̶̕͜n҉͞d҉̛ ̶̀y͢o̡u̸͠r̸ ̧́͝d͞e̢͜ą̕l͢͝! ̨̛I͝͞͝'̶m̢҉ n̡o̡͜͝t̴ ̵҉̛m̀͏o͘͝v̴́͠i͏̀n͟͡ǵ͜!̴

Strange energy begins to crackle around me. I don't know what it is and it's freaking me out more!

"There you are..."

Life returns to me upon hearing Flowey's voice.

"You just always seem to...The hell is up with your face?!"

"B̢͢͞ŗ̡̀o̸t̡h̡͟e̵̛r��̕͞?"

The strange energy slowly dissipates, Flowey being here is calming me down, though the sight still unnerves him.

"Easy now. Just calm down. You don't want to overtax your soul."

"S̨-̀Sơr͡ry̷.̛.͞.I.̶..͢*shaky inhale*I looked down."

Flowey moves over to me and pats my leg with a tiny vine.

"Don't worry, your big brother's here for you."

I give him a nervous smile and wipe my nose.

"So...What's wrong with my face?"

"Uh...Nothing. You look fine."

I look at him flatly.

"I have makeup on, don't I?"

"Well..."

God dang it, Mettaton.

"Fudge it. As long as I'm not dolled up like a clown, ignore it. Right now I need help."

"Fine with me, but first...I want an apology for that stunt at the bar."

I nod.

"I'm sorry. It was a dirty move. But..."

He pouts.

"You wanted to talk to him without me butting in."

I claw the ground.

"...There are things I still can't tell you."

"When? When can you open up to me?"

"Soon. Lots of stuff I know is in pieces. I just need to figure out how it all fits to understand."

"Like what?"

"Well for starters...Getting through this crap."

Flowey looks out at the vents.

"You really can't do this?"

"No. My acrophobia, paranoia, vertigo, and lack of self-confidence prevents it."

"Sheesh. At least your honest."

I sit on my heels and slap my face a few times, trying to psych myself out.

"The body and mind both have their own ways of keeping themselves safe. Even if one of them is tricking the other. My body won't move if my brain keeps telling it no because it feels in danger."

"Hmmm...And I take it you're not up for that blindfold idea again."

I look at him confused.

"Over lava?!"

He sighs.

"Yeah, fair enough."

This sucks.

"Oh! I got an idea. What if I carry you over?"

Flower-goat-boy say what?

"Not to put you down, bro, but I ain't exactly light and I don't want you to hurt yourself trying."

He winks.

"Trust me. I'm stronger than you think."

I don't doubt you, I'm more worried I'll freak out if he does. But what choice do I have? Sit her forever or move forward.

"Okay. But not yet."

"Huh?"

I feel the ground again.

"This is rock and yet you're moving through it..."

"Yeah?"

"Can you scout ahead through this vent thing? Tell me if other monsters or crap is hiding?"

He nods.

"Can do."

He sinks into the ground. Here's hoping he stays out of sight of any hostiles. A few times I see his petal head pop up from time to time, but in areas I can't see I get a bit shook. Especially when he's out of sight for too long. I count the seconds between each puff of steam, giving up because it's too fast. A small rumble off to my side, part of Flowey's stem is protruding but seems to be having trouble coming out. With some wiggling and what looks like some tugging, he emerges yet only partly.

"*strain* H-Hey...I found something you can use."

I'm curious. I help chip some ground away and something metal appears. Looping my finger through a hole, I help him pull this mystery thing out and wow it puts up quite the struggle. With a final double pull from the both of us, the object reveals itself...a frying pan?

"The hell...?"

"I found it at one of the areas off over there. It once belonged to a human that fell a long time ago."

All this mismatch stuff. What were the humans that fell before even doing to fall with such stuff? Whatever, an item gained is better than no items at all.

[You equipped the Nasty Pan.]

[You gain 10 Attack.]

[You don't know if it's covered in old food or gore. Either way, the damage is rather consistent. Consumables items will heal 4 more HP.]

"Damn. Was really hoping for some defense boost."

"Sorry. How uneven does this make your stats now?"

"See for yourself."

He's confused till he CHECKs me.

[Lynsie - LV:1 - HP: 40 ATK: 30 DEF: 11 - Too nice for her own good.]

"What the...? What happened?!"

I stand and stretch.

"I got mugged."

He frowns.

"The robot?"

I answer with a nod and change the line of chatter to current events.

"Was there anyone out there?"

He shakes his head.

"At least that's some good news. So how do we do this?"

He moves back, over to where the path sort-of splits.

"This way."

With no other moves, I follow him to a spot where a vent is missing and he points to the land across it.

"Over there is the exit. If you can not freak out, I should be able to take you over there."

My spine shivers.

"Are you certain you can lift me over? That's at least a ten-foot gap, give or take."

"Trust me. I know what I'm capable of."

I swallow what little courage I have and shut my eyes tight.

"Please, make it quick."

"Don't worry, I got you."

There's silence for a bit. Then something slithers under then over my shoulders and slinks to wrap around my waist. I want to look but when my feet leave the ground my entire body clenches.

"Easy now. No sudden moves."

That doesn't help.

I do my best to block out everything. Like the feel of wind brushing past and intense heat that wafts up from below. My nerves are threatening to go off again. The instant I can feel a foot touch anything solid my eyes shoot open.

"See? Told you I could do it."

He's already on this side with me. Probably moved here first then reached over and carried my dumb frightened ass over. Bless you, super flower-goat-boy! The vines release and I'm once more on terra firma. I use this moment to hug Flowey.

"Thank you!"

He chuckles and now it's two going through Mettaton's show. If only I didn't leave my bag at home. Then he'd be riding with me. Then again, Mettaton would've taken that too and really screwed me over.

FINALLY. AS TOUCHING AS THAT WAS, DARLING, YOU NEED TO GET MOVING. WE'RE ALREADY BEHIND SCHEDULE AS IT IS.

I pop my neck and nod. The sooner I get through this the sooner it ends and we can go home.

"You okay with following me in case of other bull?"

"Oh yeah. You're going to need me. There are more vents past this.

I groan and silently curse everything before walking. Upon entering the north path past the steam vents, we come across another path made of pipework that veers to the right. This would be super chill if it weren't for the freaking lasers!

"This shouldn't be a big deal."

I look down at Flowey funny.

"Dude...Do you not see the lasers?"

He shakes his head.

"Don't think of them like you think they are. Those are made with magic energy. You remember what I told you about orange and light blue magic, don't you?"

It takes a second for that to click in my head. My small smirk lets him know I'm not completely stupid.

"See you on the other side."

He retreats to the ground and has to move through that, not like he can go through metal shit. So I take on this obstacle. There are nine lasers in total that go the order of orange, orange, cyan, orange, cyan, orange, cyan, cyan, and orange, with the cyan ones moving around. So by the logic of magic properties, I move through the orange ones and pause for the cyan ones till it's safe to keep going. In no time I'm at the end, a large metal pillar has a big red switch and out of spite I flip it. This effectively turns the laser off. Sweet! That was easy. Onward I go. The path veers upward and, can you guess, has more of those damn vents. A base one that changes directions, a one on the left and right side as well as in front. The path wants me to go forward but is blocked by a locked door. No doubt each side has a puzzle that opens each lock. Gotta love real-life video game logic.

"Not so bad, right?"

Speaks the emerging flora to my right.

"Still in one piece."

I joke to myself to keep the dumb side of me from saying something to jinx me.

"Need another lift?"

Looking at the gap between vents, it's not so evil as the first ones, maybe about four or five feet.

"I think I can manage this one."

He's relieved, thinking I'm being a big girl and fighting my fear.

"Great! I knew you could...wait...What are you...?!"

Don't think. Just act. Fear can't affect you if you don't realize it's there.

I take a short sprint and make nice bound over to where he's at. He's rather confused.

"The hell? What about your phobia?"

"Easy...Didn't think about it."

I head for the puzzle and he's flabbergasted.

"Wha...but...You still could've used the vents!"

"Nope!"

He catches up to me as I get distracted looking at two monsters sitting at the cliff's edge.

"You scare me something."

"How do you think I feel? I scare myself and I'm the one doing it."

There's a room nearby but these two just pull my attention. There's what appears to be a pale-green dragon in a black business suit and slick shade, like some sort of scaly lawyer. A black wisp-like monsters that reminds me of Grillby, even sporting glasses, in a gray tank-top and red pants drinking something steaming hot, dude looks chill in this heat. They don't seem to notice us and I can hardly hear bits of their chit chat. Something about how they're glad that the reactivated puzzles are preventing them from progressing as they do not want to go to work. They are also muttering some other stuff but I head for the room before they see this random human.

Inside the puzzle room, I'm met by two things. The puzzle itself and a disembodied fox head wearing sunglasses. The fuck am I tripping on?!

"The door leading through the area is closed?"

Dear God, it bounces as it talks and speaks with an upward inflection like valley speak! It hurts my brain. Good news, it has no clue what I am. Yay!

"So I tried the puzzle? But I kept running out of ammo, and it kept restarting?"

"...Bummer."

"And my two co-workers won't help? It's like they don't even wanna go to work?"

"Harsh."

"Why don't you try? Try using the console?"

I shrug and give this thing a little checking out. No real help from the fox so maybe the puzzle will tell me what to do. Oh, look! The convenient "?" icon is super tiny and hidden in the corner while also being somewhat the same color as the background. That's not a dick move, oh no, not in the slightest.

(Shoot the opposing ship!)

(Move the boxes to complete your mission.)

Okay, that's useful. Let's see...Four immovable blocks, two movable ones, and two open spaces. The immovable blocks are in each corner and the movable ones are in my way. And to top it all off, I get only two shots. Scoot the two away, shoot, and puzzle solved.

(CONGRATULATIONS!)

That's one done, another to go.

"Wow? You solved it? I'm impressed? You must be a total nerd?"

...Jackass.

Leaving the room has Flowey grabbing my wrist with a vine and tugging me to get moving.

"Bro, chill, what's wrong?"

"I heard them talking. They've been watching Mettaton's broadcast on their phones."

Yeah, that's our cue to skedaddle.

"Please use the vents this time."

I speed past him much to his chagrin.

"Screw...the...rules!"

I shout with each leap taken. I know deep down he wants to call me dumb and yet I'm kinda proud I'm able to forget about the incredibly high path we're treading that drops into freaking lava. He rejoins me as a non-moving cyan laser seemingly impedes my progress. However, it's waist level in height and nothing is stopping me from crawling underneath it.

"Wow."

"I know, right?"

Like on the right side, the left has the puzzle room and two monsters just hanging out on the cliff. These two monster girls are wearing what look like red and black Japanese school uniforms. The fuck? Not sure what's weirder, everyone's bravery by being that close to death or how the hell they got those clothes. Either way, one girl is purple with possible tentacle hair and has red eyes with black sclera, she is so clearly a tom-boy with her red back facing cap and skateboard. While the other girl is made up of lime green flame and gives off this way too innocent vibe for being here and with the bad-girl. Hotland does seem more and more to be Grillby's former home. How many more fire elementals live here?

"You think the laser has them stuck here?"

"Maybe. I know I wouldn't crawl on the floor with a skirt like that."

I enter the room and thankfully there's no head laying around that speaks in headache-inducing jabber. Let's see...Are the rules the same?

(Shoot the opposing ship!)

(Move the boxes to complete your mission.)

Yep. Same rules but different layout. Five immovable blocks, six movable ones, and five open spaces. The three immovable ones are in corners, one is above a corner, and the last is touching the corner of a corner block. And once more I get two shots. The movable blocks from a backward jacked letter C. This one is a bit more complex. The majority of the blocks move in one push. I have to try this a few times before I'm able to have it clear enough to shoot through one block and then the target.

(CONGRATULATIONS!)

If my calculations are correct, the door should be open now and further progress can be made. I leave the room and notice the laser is off. Flowey is also nowhere to be seen, probably due to the girls having moved from their original spot.

"Finally! Someone turned off that laser!"

Don't thank me, I'm just awesome.

"Now that we're free we can... Well, uh, I guess we'll just keep standing here."

"Hm? Nice try, but your loitering technique still needs work."

They chat with themselves. Great time to be invisible.

"Loitering around... What's the point?"

"Beats being in school. Why should we bother going to school, anyway...? What's the point in learning how to make a buncha puzzles? There's GOTTA be a way to cancel school."

"But isn't it summer vacation?"

"...Auuuugh! This world's got no future!"

A bit overly dramatic. Whatever. Back to business. I rush to make my final leap and almost trip on the pipework floor. Yeah...Not gonna be doing this jump thing anymore. Lost my nerve for it. Motion activates the door and it slides opens into the rock.

"Okay, Metta...Here I come."

Going through the door leads me to a small bit of land that turns to the right and three widely spaced vents in a row to reach the next...Is that kitchen linoleum? I can't be seeing that right.

"Seems like you have no choice this time."

Flowey appears.

"Can't at least hurl me across?"

He shakes his head.

"I can't support carrying you that far and I'm not risking you falling to death."

"Yeah, my luck as of late would be that level of crap."

I smack myself a few times to ready my timid nerves.

"Any words of wisdom before I do this?"

He thinks for a moment.

"Beware of chainsaws."

"What?!"

He sinks into the ground and I internally scream...Fuck my life!

Stepping onto the vent blocks the steam for a bit. The building pressure launches me from one vent to the next. By the time I reach solid ground I'm about ready to vomit my still-beating heart out.

"I hate heights!"

I'm gonna punch him. I swear, even if it breaks my hands, I will beat the shit out of Mettaton for this.

Still shaken I crawl my way into the next area. It's very weird. As if the linoleum wasn't odd, I'm now in what looks like a kitchen set. Oh...Oh god no...This can't mean...

"Don't tell me this is what I think it is."

As if on cue, low and behold, my metal master of moronic mayhem hovers down from the heavens wearing a chef's hat.

"OHHHH YES! WELCOME, DASTARDLIES, TO THE UNDERGROUND'S PREMIER COOKING SHOW!"

(Cooking with a Killer Robot)

"PRE-HEAT YOUR OVENS, BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A VERY SPECIAL RECIPE FOR YOU TODAY! WE'RE GOING TO BE MAKING...A CAKE! DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE TO BE EXACT."

Two of his hands stretch out and grab me, despite my pointless clawing at the floor, to present me to cameras I can't see.

"MY LOVELY ASSISTANT HERE WILL GATHER THE INGREDIENTS. EVERYONE GIVE THEM A BIG HAND!"

An applause sound effect goes off as well as confetti falls. I glare at myself.

"*mutter* You better have my stuff as promised or I will purposefully make sure your ratings bomb."

He pulls me in so only I hear him.

"*WHISPER* DO THAT AND YOU CAN KISS YOUR ITEMS GOODBYE."

I snort a huff and try to put on a smile. This seems to be what he wants.

"WE'LL NEED SUGAR, MILK, FLOUR, CHOCOLATE, AND EGGS. GO FOR IT, SWEETHEART!"

He's being overly flashy and fantastic. I should play along...but I'm too pissy and bitter. Plus calling me sweetheart irks me. You want a nice human? I'll be so sweet your blood sugar will spike!

"*giggles* Golly-gee. Thanks for having me on your show, Mr. Mettaton. Let's make the bestest best cake ever!"

This is stooping to new levels of pettiness that I might want to find a therapist for later. I'm pushing for a nearly unbelievable level of childish innocence as I scope the set and gather ingredients. All the while he watches every little skip and mean-spirited twirl I make before bring it all back to him a dopey smile.

"All done, Mr. Mettaton. This is going to be the most choco-lickity-yummiest cake in the universe!"

He puts two of his hands together and one on my head before sighing.

"DARLING...I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, I REALLY DO. BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE AUDIENCE, COULD YOU LOWER THE CUTE DOWN A BIT?"

I give the puppy dog eyes.

"Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong?"

He flinches and without thinking he slams my head into the counter. I roar and cover my face, trying not to burst into a hurricane of swears while he goes about the show.

"PERFECT! GREAT JOB, BEAUTIFUL! WE'VE GOT ALL OF THE INGREDIENTS WE NEED TO BAKE THE CAKE! MILK... SUGAR... FLOUR... CHOCOLATE... EGGS..."

He gasps suddenly while I check if my nose is broken. Good news, it's not.

"OH MY! WAIT A MAGNIFICENT MOMENT! HOW COULD I FORGET! WE'RE MISSING THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT!"

I wipe a small bit of blood off my forehead.

"And what ingredient is that? This was everything you told me to get."

Some of my attitude is coming out but not too much.

"WHY, IT'S NOTHING WE HAVE TO GO SEARCHING FOR. YOU BROUGHT IT HERE WITH YOU."

I look at him funny until I see him pulling two chainsaws out from under the counter.

"A HUMAN SOUL!"

My heart sinks as he revs them up. Yet when he begins to do a slow methodical approach...My brain remembers to do one of my many pointless talents. Poking holes things with needless but true knowledge.

"Objection!"

The nerd in me is giddy for being able to make him pause with that.

"YES?"

I slap the counter.

"This recipe is bogus. What kind of cake calls for an ingredient that is so rare and priceless as a human soul? I submit my dumb argument, because I'm willing to admit the idiocy of saying this, that a human soul would serve a far greater purpose than being used for baked goods. Such as breaking the barrier. What say you, Metta? Do you have anything to back up your reasoning to use my soul in this cake?"

I wonder if Napsablook has an emulator on his PC? I want to play Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney now.

His screen blinks a little in thought. Before one of his arms leaves the murder weapon to go somewhere off set and return to put a can on the counter.

"...What is that?"

"THAT, MY DEAR, IS MTT-BRAND ALWAYS-CONVENIENT HUMAN-SOUL-FLAVOR-SUBSTITUTE! AVAILABLE AT ANY OF MY FINE RETAIL MARKETS! PROOF THAT THIS IS SOMETHING RATHER COMMON DOWN HERE AND THEREFORE, NOT A COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE IDEA AS TO WHY USE OF YOUR SOUL WOULD BE IN COOKING."

I stare dumbfounded at this can.

"This...This thing holds stuff that tastes like a human soul?"

He turns one chainsaw off and leans on it like a villain does with a cane.

"IT IS WHAT IT IS, DARLING. THE LABEL DOESN'T LIE. I SELL ONLY THE BEST. AND I GUARANTEE, IF YOU TRY IT, YOU'D NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

My mouth opens but nothing comes out. I put my hands together, hold them to my face, and ponder the meaning of life."

"Metta, my dude...This is some messed up stuff right here."

"HOW SO?"

I sigh through my nose and lose my ability to be subtle.

"You do know that souls can be used as sexual organs, right?"

He slips from his cool pose in shock.

"DARLING! CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY! THIS IS LIVE AND KIDS MIGHT BE WATCHING."

"Do not change the subject by insinuating children don't have the ability to understand. Kids are always learning and they find things out quicker than others give credit. Such as their body's and, because it's a monster's core, soul. You can not expect me to believe that knowledge of that caliber is unknown."

I grab the can harshly.

"Knowing that, the fact this can exists and as you claim is indistinguishable from the real deal, it insinuates that you or someone else on your staff knows what a human soul tastes like. Meaning...Someone has had oral sex with a human soul."

He falls over at my accusations. Chainsaws long forgotten. But I'm not done.

"Further more, this can opens a can of worms in its implications. Forgive my armature knowledge on the subject, but in the old myths above, there is no mention of monsters feeding on human souls. Such things usually are connected to demons. So this concept is either new to the Underground or you're making it up purely for this show!"

My head is swimming with weird thoughts and I'm unable to keep them to myself.

"Fearing that the humans would one day turn on monster kind and slaughter their people, absorb their few boss souls and become dominant over them, the monsters decided to launch a preemptive strike. That's what the old text said, but...If this feeding on souls it true..."

I glare at the can, not liking the thoughts it's making me get.

"Then humans had a reason to seal you away."

Those words are bitter and I spit them getting angry, squeezing the can with force.

"Tell me I'm wrong."

It crunches, metal splitting to cut into my hand before furiously throwing it at the fake window behind us.

"Tell me I'm wrong! Don't make me feel bad for humanity!"

I'm physically shaking. My rage tapering on the verge. It's not even towards anyone. How can it? What's in the past is there forever. But this...Don't tell me this is real and in the present.

"Please..."

I lick my hand, trying to focus on the sting and hint of copper to calm me down. Finally able to recover, Mettaton dusts himself off. Taking note of my behavior and picking his words carefully.

"WOW, DARLING. SUCH RAW EMOTION. THE PASSION. FEAR. ANGER. AND DESPERATION. IT'S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!"

A low snarl from me reminds him that I'm in no mood for his fabulous side.

"BUT TO ANSWER YOUR RATHER INTERESTING QUERY...NO. IT'S NOT TRUE."

A small sensation of relief begins to hit me as he opens a compartment under his screen and pulls out a small advertisement poster.

"I FIGURED THIS IDEA WOULD WORK MAINLY BECAUSE..."

He lightly touches my face.

"YOU'RE SWEETER THAN ANY DESERT~."

With the whole 'about to kill me' and fucked up line of thought thing that happened seconds ago, his little flirt has no effect and I slap his hand away. He's taken by this yet keeps his composer.

"BUT I SEE NOW THAT WAS FOOLISH. USING YOU IN A SIMPLE COOKING SHOW WAS A MASSIVE UNDERESTIMATION. ESPECIALLY TO PROMOTE MY NEWEST PRODUCT."

He crumbs the add and tosses it away.

"BUT AFTER THAT SCENE, I CAN KISS THOSE SALES GOODBYE. IT WAS WORTH A SHOT THOUGH. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WORKS WITHOUT TAKING RISKS."

I am so done with all of this it ain't even funny.

"YET THIS WASN'T A TOTAL LOST. I LEARNED YOU HAVE A REAL TALENT."

I eye him cautiously, getting the bleeding to at last stop.

"CLEARLY A COURTROOM DRAMA IS PERFECT FOR YOU!"

I hate my luck.

"I NEED TO MAKE SOME CALLS! GET A SET MADE! OOOOOH! THE SCANDALOUS SCRIPT IDEAS I HAVE!"

"I think you're jumping the gun a bit early on this."

He puts a finger to my lips.

"NOT NOW, DARLING, I'M WORKING."

I gesture to where I assume a camera is that he's nuts.

[RING-RING]

His phone goes off.

"THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT! I'M ON AIR RIGHT NOW!"

Damn it. I can't hear the caller.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WON'T MOVE?! YOU TELL HER..."

He's cut off.

"W-WHAT?! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE LEFT? ...JUST YOU?! DAMN IT, BUGERPANTS, SO HELP ME IF THIS IS A PLOY TO GET OUT OF YOUR SHIFT..."

While he's distracted, I use this time to move the chainsaws away and out of sight. No need for them to come back into play.

"WAIT...SAY THAT LAST PART AGAIN. ARE YOU CERTAIN IT'S HIS POST?"

Post? What post? Who's post?

"*HUFF* FINE. RETURN TO YOUR POST. I'LL DEAL WITH THIS MYSELF."

He hangs up and is not too happy.

"*MUMBLE* DAMN SPIDER AND HER STUPID PET, KILLS MY MINIONS AND STILL DENIES MY BUSINESS DEALS!"

"You okay?"

My voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he calms down.

"UM...A CHANGE IN PLANS HAS COME UP. YES! DUE TO SOME SET ISSUES AND TIME CONSTRAINTS, OUR SHOW RUNS ON A STRICT SCHEDULE YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO PERSONALLY DROP YOU OFF AT THE NEXT LEG OF THE GAUNTLET."

Well, that sounds like a load of bullshit. But my dumb brain has to dumb brain.

"So what you're telling me is we're not even going to finish this segment by making the damn cake?"

He pulls me into an uncomfortable side embrace.

"I KNOW, IT'S HEARTBREAKING. BUT YOU SHOULD'VE MOVED FASTER AT THE START OF ALL THIS."

"I have a fear of heights!"

"NOW WE'LL JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH NOT KNOWING HOW GOOD THE CAKE COULD'VE BEEN."

"Don't ignore me."

"OR HOW MUCH MORE DELICIOUS IT COULD BE IF EATEN OFF MY BODY."

"The fuck did you say?!"

"BUT COME ON, DARLING, I'M ONLY MESSING WITH YOU AND OUR MALICIOUS VIEWERS. HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A COOKING SHOW BEFORE? I ALREADY BAKED THE CAKE AHEAD OF TIME! SO FORGET IT! BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY OF IT!"

"Is the screaming in my ear necessary?"

"WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! RIGHT ABOUT NOW IS WHEN WE HAVE OUR COMMERCIAL BREAK! SO STAY TUNED TO THAT SCREEN AND CONTINUE WATCHING AS OUR DEAR DARLING DARES TO DART FORTH INTO DANGER ONCE MORE!"

"Can you at least tell me I don't have to do any more vent platforming?"

"SORRY, BUT I'D BE LYING IF I DID."

I start trying to swear but I end up roaring out in meek frustration.

"SEE YOU ALL AGAIN REAL SOON."

A few seconds go by and he lets me go.

"OKAY, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME..."

He moves to the sink and opens the cabinets under it.

"WE HAD A DEAL. DESPITE THAT LITTLE SHOW YOU PUT ON, I AM IF ANYTHING A MONSTER OF MY WORD."

He tosses me a bag with his face on it. Taking the hint, I open it and find my missing gear. Though...no phone. I take this small victory without a fight. I'm fairly certain I know who has it anyway. That cat is so getting skinned. I equip my items and CHECK my stats.

[ HP: 40 ATK: 45 DEF: 27]

"Someday, I swear my defense will be decent, damn it!"

"ALL SET?"

I may look ridiculous with all this all but it's not like I was a supermodel before.

"Yeah, I'm good. Thank you."

"UM..."

"What?"

"I WANT TO APOLOGIZE."

I scoff.

"Forget it."

"NO. I...WHAT I DID WAS STUPID. I SKIMMED OVER THINGS AND WASN'T EXPECTING HOW YOU'D REACT. A GOOD SHOWMAN IS MORE PREPARED AND KNOWS HIS CAST BETTER. FOR THAT...I'M SORRY"

No matter the mood I might be in, I know how hard it is to swallow one's pride and admit a wrong. I just wish he wasn't such a flip-flopper because this personality switching is making it difficult to trust him fully.

"*sigh* ...I forgive you. But don't ever pull that kind of crap again. Got it? I like you monsters. I like being here. I don't want to feel bad for my kind and see THIS punishment as justified."

He nods, or what I take as the equivalent to one for a guy without a neck. With that now all said and done he once again snatches me into his arms and he blasts off like a rocket. Where to? No damn clue.

[HOTLAND: LAB]

"Well, that was disappointing. Freaky, but disappointing."

Undyne collects another bowel to enjoy.

"Not his best move. That's for sure. All that controversial fuss."

Alphys had cut the feed but was still viewing the robot and human.

"Yeah. He didn't even use those chainsaws. Such a wasted opportunity."

"Still, the way she interpreted all that from a simple can of spice...And that reaction..."

Theories were coming to Alphys.

"Definitely something to remember for future use."

Undyne takes a long slurp of ramen.

"It's a freak, Alphys. Plain and simple."

Alphys's companion's lack of imagination made her sneer.

"At least he's prolonging her activity. That provides data. And that's all that matters."

Undyne rolls her eye.

"Still...I wonder what that phone call was about?"

Alphys, being the one that sees all, knows the answer to that question. She just finds it more interesting to see if her hot fish friend can figure it out for herself. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

[Snowdin: Skeleton House in present time]

They weren't sure what they just watched. Such a strange buildup and quickly smothered show. Sure this wasn't over but no one honestly thought that second showing was going to be over in about twelve minutes. Still...The lingering questions remained when the commercials played.

"This is nerve-wracking."

"I know. But at least there's some good news. He's moving her further. She'll be done faster."

"I suppose that is true."

"OR SHE'LL BE KILLED QUICKER."

Toriel and Grillby glare at Papyrus.

"WHAT? I'M BEING REALISTIC BY SAYING THE OPTION YOU'RE IGNORING."

The glares and fire strengthen.

Papyrus takes the hint and walks away. Maybe Sans had some sort of idea and won't want to beat the shit out of him as the others do.

"you need to work on your people skills, bro."

He growls but that's it.

"i got an idea as to what happened near the end."

"REALLY?"

"yeah. i think someone tipped him off about my post there."

"YOU SURE?"

"got no other clue as to why he'd move her himself and not let her walk."

"HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK HE'LL HAVE HER SKIP?"

"who's to say? i only know what i can see from my post. and it ain't much."

"WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY POSTS?"

"do ya know anybody else that can teleport?"

"...GOOD POINT."

"you sound underwhelmed."

"I DON'T KNOW...I JUST DON'T SEE IT. YOU WORKING THAT MUCH? IT'S WEIRD."

"if it makes it less weird, i sell hot dogs at those stations."

"THAT...THAT MAKES MORE SENSE."

The television flickers suddenly. The commercials end and the human is back onscreen. Her exact location is odd in that there doesn't seem to be a path to leave on. There's a signpost they can't read and random cacti. Among the positives, she is sporting her equipables again and thus have her stats boosted. On the negative side...she isn't there alone for very long.

#undertale #underfell #Anomaly #Lynsie #sans #papyrus #gaster #grillby #grandpa semi #mettaton #napstablook #chara #frisk #flowey #Asriel #asgore #toriel #undyne #alphys

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chanoyu-to-wa · 5 years ago

Text

Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.25): the Ō-ita [大板], Part 1.

18.25) the ō-ita [大板], two sketches for the shoza.

[The writing reads: (to the right of the upper sketch) ō-ita (大板)¹; isshaku san-sun shi-hō (一尺三寸四方)², mata isshaku san-sun ni isshaku ni mo ・ isshaku issun ni mo (又一尺三寸ニ一尺ニモ・一尺一寸ニモ)³; gyaku-gatte (逆勝手)⁴; (to the right of the lower sketch) isshaku san-sun go-bu ni shite mo kurushikarazu yo, Sōkyū kakete mōshi-soro aida, [Ri]kyū [h]e tazune mōshi-kereba, migi-za tatami no me hitotsu aru-beki ga, sono kokoro-e naku ni-me ni oki-tara ba, ōi ni higa-goto naru-beshi to iu-iu [一尺三寸五分ニシテモ不苦由、宗及被申シ間、休ヘ尋申ケレハ、右座疊ノ目一ツアルヘキカ、其心得ナク二目ニ置タラハ、大ニヒカコトナルヘシト云〻)⁵; onaji (同)⁶, jun-gatte (順勝手)⁷; (to the left of the lower sketch) kan・habōki (カハン・羽帚)⁸; tadashi kan ha onaji shiki ha mazui, oku-sore ba, hana-kami shiki nari (但クハンハ同敷ハ不好、置候ヘハ、鼻紙敷也)⁹.

_________________________

◎ This, and the following, pair of installments constitute another “mini-densho” (shown, intact, below) probably also written by Jōō. Which is to say that the sketches were drawn by him, and in the specific order in which they appear in Book Three of the Nampō Roku. The kaki-ire [書入] were, of course, added by other hands, and not necessarily those intent on representing Jōō’s authentic teachings, with regard to this shiki-ita.

Both Shibayama Fugen and Tanaka Senshō deal with all four sketches (two on each page) as a unit, but the length of the footnotes and commentary preclude my following their format here. Tanaka, in particular, limits his own comments to a rather brief summary at the end of this section, leaving the kaki-ire to stand without any attempt at interpretation or explanation at all.

¹Ō-ita [大板].

According to Rikyū's account, the ō-ita was created by Jōō, as a temporary base for the small bronze kimen-buro (this furo is usually around 8-sun in diameter) when it was taken off of the small shin-daisu for the sumi-temae. At that point in time, the daisu, decorated with the rest of the kaigu (and the temmoku and chaire on the ten-ita), was displayed in the tokonoma during the shoza, while the furo was placed (in this case, on the ō-ita) on the utensil mat, where the host performed the sumi-temae. This helped to prevent damage to the daisu caused by charcoal dust and sparks. The daisu was moved to the utensil mat during the naka-dachi, and the furo (with the now-boiling kama) was lifted up onto it at this time*.

The ō-ita was originally placed on the left side of the utensil mat (irrespective of the actual orientation of the tearoom), since that was the side of the mat that the furo would occupy when restored to the daisu during the naka-dachi. (The sumi-temae was performed much as if the daisu were actually present on the utensil mat.)

Later, as Jōō's inclination toward wabi deepened, he put the daisu and the rest of the kaigu away, and left the small furo on the ō-ita for the duration of the chakai -- with the mizusashi placed directly on the mat at its side.

The size of the ō-ita was derived from that of the small daisu. The 1-shaku 3-sun square represented the space occupied by the small furo on that daisu. The original ō-ita, however, seems to have been made from the ten-ita of an old large daisu -- since this kind of daisu would have been much more common†.

In Rikyū's densho he wrote that the ō-ita should be placed 5-me (2-sun 5-bu) from the heri, and either 9-me (= 4-sun 5-bu) or 11-me (= 5-sun 5-bu) from the far end of the mat‡; and, according to his kaiki, it seems that the ō-ita was being placed on the side of the utensil mat closest to the guests’ by the 1580s**. __________ *This idea basically imitated the Shino family's practice: the Shino-dana [志野棚] (which was basically a fukuro-dana that had a pair of hinged doors enclosing the ji-fukuro: the doors had a locking mechanism that kept the guests from looking at the host’s collection of kyara incense that was stored in the ji-fukuro) and other incense implements were arranged on the utensil mat during the shoza. Afterward, during the naka-dachi, the tana was lifted into the tokonoma, and a daisu, kaigu, and furo (with charcoal and a boiling kama already arranged in it) were brought out from the katte and placed on the utensil mat.

†Though there are certain indications that the inakama setting had already been used on the continent, the small shin-daisu only appeared (in Japan) when Jōō began to use a 4.5-mat inakama as his tearoom. Consequently, there were no ten-ita from “old and damaged” daisu of this sort that could be recycled as shiki-ita.

Since the ten-ita of both sizes of daisu have rounded edges, it would be impossible to cut an ō-ita measuring 1-shaku 3-sun square (with the perfectly perpendicular edges seen on all shiki-ita) from the ten-ita of a small daisu. The other sizes mentioned -- 1-shaku 3-sun by 1-shaku or 1-shaku 1-sun -- could have been cut from the ten-ita of a small daisu, and it seems likely that there would have been a number of these available by the early Edo period (since the preference had briefly shifted back to the kyōma 4.5-mat room during Hideyoshi’s lifetime -- though when the capital was removed to Tōkyō, the inakama room returned to favor as a consequence of the lack of space in the cramped quarters of that city). These smaller versions of the ō-ita were made by machi-shū chajin years after Jōō's death.

With the advent of the inakama setting, the kyōma fell out of fashion with many of the machi-shū chajin of Sakai and (to a lesser extent) Hakata, hence the ready availability of ten-ita from old daisu that had been originally made for use in that setting.

‡In the Nambō-ate no densho [南坊宛の傳書], this entry (which is the first to be discussed in the document) reads ō-ita no koto, hidari no waki tatami no me go-me, saki kyū me ・ jū-ichi me, dai-jō to tsune-no-datami to nari [大板之事、左のわき疊の目五目、先九目・十一目、大疊と常の疊と也]. This means “concerning the ō-ita: on the left side, 5-me; and in front [of the ita], 9-me ・ 11-me -- [depending on] whether it is a large mat or an ordinary-sized mat.” These arrangements are shown below, drawn to the same scale (with the kyōma tatami shown on the left, and the inakama -- the “ordinary tatami” -- on the right): in both sketches, the katte is assumed to be on the host's left.

When Rikyū wrote the he was still operating fully within the limitations imposed by Jōō’s teachings. Thus, though Rikyū does not cite a source for this teaching, it is most likely that this represented the way that Jōō arranged the ō-ita on the utensil mat.

At this point in time, the inakama tatami was still commonly used (for the 4.5-mat room), which is why Rikyū refers to it as the “ordinary mat;” and, under the influence of Nobunaga, the orientation where the katte is located on the host's left was coming to be preferred. (This densho, which is the earliest of Rikyū's writings to survive, was apparently the second such to be addressed to Nambō Sōkei, and Rikyū appears intent on guiding Sōkei in the most socially acceptable -- and least dangerous -- way of doing things possible.)

**Since the furo cannot be located underneath the tsuri-dana (which, in his room, was a Shū-un-an dana, meaning a tsuri-dana attached to the wall on the left side of the utensil mat), the only possibility was if the ō-ita was placed on the right side of the mat, near that heri.

²Isshaku san-sun shi-hō [一尺三寸四方].

This, as mentioned above was the size of the original ō-ita that was made by Jōō. While made as a base for the small bronze kimen-buro, and derived from the size of the small shin-daisu, the actual ō-ita seems to have been cut from the ten-ita of an old large daisu.

³Mata isshaku san-sun ni isshaku ni mo ・ isshaku issun ni mo [又一尺三寸ニ一尺ニモ・一尺一寸ニモ].

These smaller ō-ita, as mentioned above, could have been cut from the ten-ita of an old small shin-daisu (which would have been available for this purpose in the early Edo period, as a result of the return to the kyōma 4.5-mat room, and the preponderance of wabi-no-chanoyu, which made all daisu superfluous*).

Ita of these sizes were made by the machi-shū, and had nothing to do with either Jōō or Rikyū. ___________ *The daisu ultimately made a return in the Edo period, under the theory that receiving guests of different social ranks demanded different forms of chanoyu service.

⁴Gyaku-gatte [逆勝手].

Gyaku-gatte [逆勝手] is usually translated (and presently understood to mean) “reversed” katte -- that is, the katte is found on the opposite of the room from that seen in the original orientation. As used in the present entry, this arrangement is shown below (note that the katte is located on the right side of the utensil mat).

However, the kanji that is read gyaku [逆] actually has a more sinister meaning -- to disobey, to rebel -- and this sense of the word likely stands in the background of the question of why what was originally the hon-gatte [本勝手] (the arrangement where the katte is located on the host's right, with the guests seated on his left -- as seen in the Dōjin-sai [同仁齋] and other classical shoin-style tearooms) suddenly became the “reverse” (or “traitorous”) setting. The idea seems to have arisen with Nobunaga, because arranging the room with the guests seated on the host's left means that the guests will be unable to see what the host is doing*. From this arose the bad feelings that persist over what was the original way to arrange the room in which chanoyu was to be performed‡.

It might strike the modern reader as rather odd that the “reversed” position is reviewed first, while the jun-gatte [順勝手]** is considered second. But this was likely because Tachibana Jitsuzan simply copied the sketches in the order that they were found in the original document -- which, in the source documents, appear to consistently present the material in its proper historical sequence -- with the terms “gyaku-gatte” and “jun-gatte” added later, to reflect the Edo period norms that were descended from Hideyoshi's edicts. __________ *Most of the early chajin (including Jōō and Rikyū, and their principal disciples -- both Japanese and Korean) were, at least nominally, affiliated with the Ikkō-shū [一向宗] -- the dangerous religious movement that held that all men, regardless of their social position or birth, were completely equal after a single repetition of the nen-butsu [念佛] (the incantation “namu Amida-butsu” [南無阿彌陀佛]). This is the source of the so called “democracy in the tearoom” of which many writers have made note.

It appears that the social revolution that brought down the Koryeo dynasty in Korea was championed by followers of this sect, hence the unease with which Nobunaga, and then Hideyoshi, viewed its adherents. It was also because of this that, while interacting with these people was increasingly necessary (since their ranks included the leaders of the machi-shū of Sakai and Hakata, whose cooperation was absolutely necessary for the success of their respective plans), neither Nobunaga, nor Hideyoshi, ever completely trusted their tea masters. (Rikyū's being invited to take a second wife -- a trusted woman out of Hideyoshi's own harem, who then acted as Hideyoshi's spy in the deepest recesses of Rikyū's home -- once he became a member of Hideyoshi's household, clearly shows how far Hideyoshi was prepared to trust this “most trusted” adviser.)

‡The original orientation, with the daisu on the right, and the chief guest on his left, was derived from the arrangement of the altar in the temples where chanoyu arose: the Buddha is seated in the middle, with the image of Yakushi nyorai [藥師如来] (the “Buddha” of Healing -- who was the patron of both the tea plant, and the practice of preparing and serving tea) seated on his left hand. The daisu was set up in front of the statue of Yakushi, and the bowl of tea was placed out on the host's left, where an assistant received it and carried it directly forward, so it could be placed at the foot of the Buddha. In no temple arrangement was this ever reversed; and it was based on this precedent that the original shoin where tea would be served were laid out.

**Jun-gatte [順勝手]: jun [順] is the literal opposite of gyaku [逆], and means to obey, to submit to, to go along with, and so forth. In other words, this orientation -- with the katte on the left, and the guests seated on the host's right, was a physical manifestation of the chajin’s submission to Nobunaga's, and then Hideyoshi's, will.

⁵Isshaku san-sun go-bu ni shite mo kurushikarazu yo, Sōkyū kakete mōshi-soro aida, [Ri]kyū [h]e tazune mōshi-kereba, migi-za tatami no me hitotsu aru-beki ga, sono kokoro-e naku ni-me ni oki-tara ba, ōi ni higa-goto naru-beshi to iu-iu [一尺三寸五分ニシテモ不苦由、宗及被申シ間、休ヘ尋申ケレハ、右座疊ノ目一ツアルヘキカ、其心得ナク二目ニ置タラハ、大ニヒカコトナルヘシト云〻].

This statement is not entirely lucid (and the several versions differ from one another in terms of both wording and punctuation, resulting in no good consensus as to what the actual text should be)*.

Translating it as the text is given in the Enkaku-ji version of Book Three of the Nampō Roku, the meaning is “on a certain occasion, Sōkyū volunteered that there would be no difficulty if the ō-ita measures 1-shaku 3-sun 5-bu [square†]. When [I‡] placed this matter before [Ri]kyū, he speculated that this would mean either that, on the right-seat of the mat, there would have to be but a single me -- something unsupported by the authority of any of the [associated] practices**; or, if 2-me, this would result in a gross violation [of the rules††], so it has been said.” ___________ *In fact, since it deviates from Rikyū’s own words regarding how the ō-ita should be oriented on the utensil mat (the original text was quoted above under footnote 1, sub-note “‡”), this kaki-ire may well be spurious -- since it offers oblique support for the machi-shū way of doing things.

†This is a guess. For all we know, Sōkyū could have been referring to another rectangular board, like the two alternative versions mentioned to the right of the upper sketch. All that we can be sure of is that this board measured 1-shaku 3-sun 5-bu from side to side.

‡Probably Nambō Sōkei is the intended speaker.

Since the original sketches were probably drawn by Jōō himself, there is little reason why Sōkei would have interpolated comments such as this -- since they were irrelevant to the classical way of doing things. Since placing the ō-ita 2-me from the heri was the machi-shū way of arranging it on the utensil mat -- based on the argument that the “seat of the furo” on the kyōma tatami extends 1-shaku 4-sun from the heri, thus the ō-ita (which measures 1-shaku 3-sun from side to side) should be placed 1-sun (= 2-me) from the heri, so that the other side does not extend beyond 1-shaku 4-sun from the heri. (In an inakama room, the ō-ita would be placed against the heri, since in that setting the seat of the furo extends only 1-shaku 3-sun from the heri.) This machi-shū argument is elaborated upon in Book Six of the Nampō Roku.

The point of all this was to reinforce the idea that Sōkei was the author of this collection of Rikyū’s teachings. In fact, the material in Book Three originated primarily with Jōō (and the fact that Rikyū apparently discarded this densho when he relocated his Sakai household to Mozuno -- this was how it came into Sōkei’s hands -- suggests that he had long since left Jōō’s teachings behind).

**The “practices” associated with the ō-ita to which reference is being made here are, according to Shibayama Fugen, that the ita is placed immediately adjacent to the heri when arranged on an inakama tatami, and 2-me from the heri when it is placed out on a kyōma tatami. The argument suggests that it may be one of these, or it may be the other, but not otherwise.

Note that this deviates from Rikyū’s own explanation regarding how the ō-ita should be oriented on a utensil mat of either size.

††If placed 2-me from the heri, the ō-ita will extend 5-bu beyond the edge of the “seat of the furo” -- which, according to this argument, is a gross violation of propriety. Rikyū, in other words, does not seem very impressed with Sōkyū’s pronouncement (which he apparently offered to his interlocutors without incitement).

That the ō-ita, when arranged as Rikyū said, extends 1-sun 5-bu beyond this supposed limit suggests that this statement had nothing to do with him. (In fact, Rikyū’s ō-ita extends beyond the middle of the mat to the same degree that the ko-ita [小板] falls short of the middle -- 3-me in both cases.)

⁶Onaji [同].

“The same.” The second sketch also depicts the ō-ita.

⁷Jun-gatte [順勝手].

In the present context, this refers to a room that is oriented so that the katte is located on the host’s left, and the guests are on his right, when he is seated on the utensil mat.

The term jun-gatte seems to have first appeared in the Edo period.

⁸Kan ・ habōki [カハン・羽帚].

The lower sketch shows the kan [鐶]* arranged together with the habōki on the ō-ita.

The idea (in both this sketch, and the one above) is that the charcoal utensils should be placed on the side of the ō-ita away from the guests’ seats. ___________ *K’wan [カワン] -- or possibly kwan [カヮン] (with the rendering changed when it was copied) -- was an archaic phonetic rendering. The kanji is rather complicated, and the clarity of the phonetic representation of the name makes it unnecessary to recall the kanji.

⁹Tadashi kan ha onaji-shiki ha mazui, oku-sore ba, hana-gami shiki nari [但クハンハ同敷ハ不好、置候ヘハ、鼻紙敷也].

“However, if one dislikes placing out the kan [directly on the ō-ita] in this way, when [one] is going to put them down, they may be placed with [a piece of] hana-gami underneath.”

The word hana-gami [鼻紙] -- nose[-wiping] paper -- refers to what we call kaishi [懷紙] today. Rikyū’s kaishi was the size of what is sold as women’s kaishi, though made from much thinner paper (more like tissue-paper); and, when used as suggested here, one piece would have probably been cut into a (doubled) square.

Originally the rule was that only bronze kan could be displayed on the ō-ita, never kan made of iron. Whether the host’s unease over placing the kan directly on the ō-ita stems from the lapse of this rule*, or whether this is simply apprehension that even bronze kan might damage the ō-ita†, is not clear from the context.

Tanaka Senshō, however, provides us with an interesting insight, arguing that the piece of paper here is analogous to that placed under the shin-nakatsugi (when it is displayed, without a shifuku, on the fukuro-dana): namely, that the paper allows the kan to contact the kane even when, by themselves, they are too small to do so. According to this way of looking at the matter, the determining factor is the size of the kan (rather than any question about what they are made of), and whether or not the host wishes the kan to contact the kane‡. ___________ *In other words, unease with placing iron kan directly on the ō-ita -- iron kan being much more likely to damage the lacquer than polished bronze.

†Though this does not really accord with Edo period sensibilities. Great concern over damaging something like a shiki-ita would be more appropriate in the early days -- when these boards were made from the ten-ita of antique daisu (and so were handled as if they were relics of a bye-gone day). In the Edo period, shiki-ita were being mass-produced (to keep up with the burgeoning demand caused by a rather sudden increase in the number of people practicing chanoyu), using previously unused wood (though generally still wood that was rather old, so it would be dried out to the point that it would not easily warp).

‡Because the ō-ita was created for the inakama setting, and because it is less than half of the width of the mat, it is divided by three yang-kane (the seven-kane system does not recognize yin-kane in any case). Naturally depending on their size, the kan would possibly sit between the left-most of the three kane and the left edge of the ita (according to the way this sketch is oriented). By placing the pair of kan (stacked one on top of the other) on top of a piece of paper (Rikyū‘s kaishi, when folded in half as is usual, measure 2-sun 9-bu by 4-sun 8-bu, and one supposes that the surplus length would be cut away, leaving a 2-sun 9-bu square), the paper will overlap the kane slightly to the right of the kan, thereby associating the kan with the kane -- if that is what the host wishes.

==============================================

◎ As mentioned above, both of these sketches show the ō-ita arranged for the shoza.

I. The first arrangement -- in a room with the gyaku-gatte [逆勝手] orientation.

The first sketch is confusing, since it shows the gyaku-gatte [逆勝手] arrangement*. In this case, the guests are seated on the left, while the katte is on the right. Below is a drawing of a gyaku-gatte yojō-han tearoom.

The utensil mat in such a room is shown in greater detail below. (Note that the left sketch shows a kyōma tatami, while that on the right is of an inakama tatami.) In either case, the ō-ita employs the same system of kane, which is derived from the original inakama setting for which this ita was created.

The next pair of sketches show the same arrangement in a jun-gatte [順勝手] setting -- a room where the katte is on the left, and the guests sit on the host’s right side.

And, finally, the same arrangement in a jun-gatte room where the ō-ita has been placed on the right side of the utensil mat. It is this kind of arrangement that was being used by Rikyū during the 1580s.

Note that, irrespective of where the ō-ita is positioned on the utensil mat, the kōgō and habōki are always found on the side of the board closest to the katte, according to this document. ___________ *Interestingly, in Rikyū’s Nambō-ate no densho [南坊宛の傳書], his sketch for the ō-ita is identical to the one shown here -- perhaps reflecting the fact that it was for this setting (where the katte is on the host’s right) that Jōō originally created the ō-ita.

——————————————–———-—————————————————

II. The second arrangement -- in a room that has a jun-gatte [順勝手] orientation.

The second sketch shows the jun-gatte [順勝手] arrangement -- where the katte is on the left, and the guests seated on the right side of the utensil mat. Below is a sketch of a jun-gatte yojō-han.

The utensil mat depicted above is shown below in greater detail. Once again, a kyōma tatami has been drawn on the left, while the right sketch shows an inakama mat.

Here the same arrangement is shown in a gyaku-gatte room (a room where the katte is on the right).

And, in a jun-gatte room, where the ō-ita has been placed on the right side of the utensil mat.

Once again, and irrespective of the orientation of the room or the location of the ō-ita on the utensil mat, the kan and habōki are always located on the side of the ō-ita closest to the katte. This is the rule that the reader was expected to deduce from these illustrations.

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lindseyluvsdrag · 7 years ago

Text

It Takes Two Ch. 3

Ignore any typos :)

The second that Naomi was snoring, Raven dashed out of the room and rushed to the reception area.

“I need to get out of here,” she panted.

“What are you doing out of bed?” the seated woman demanded. “Bed call was an hour ago.”

“I want to check myself out! I need to get out of here.”

The receptionist checked Raven's bracelet.

“You were admitted involuntarily, that means you are potentially dangerous to yourself or others. You can't leave until you've been under supervision for at least 72 hours.”

“You don't understand. My wife checked herself in here and I can't let her see me.”

“Is that so?” the woman replied. “If she's your wife, then she's your next of kin and she would've been notified upon your admission to Happy Smiles.”

“My mother has power of attorney for me. She was the one notified about my kidnapping and she and my wife don't even know each other.”

The convoluted story made the woman sigh. “Miss, your 72 hours is almost over with. Just get back into bed.”

“You can't control my life!” she shouted. “I want to leave!”

Hospital security seemingly appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the woman.

“Get off of me!” Raven shrieked as she attempted to snatch away but the professionals quickly restrained her.

“We'll let you go if you agree to get back into bed!”

“No! I want to go home!”

At that, the guards held her down and administered the sedative.

“ I want to go homeeeee,” she repeated in a slur until she blacked out.

---

After her parents failed to answer her walkie talkie pleads, Clark tiptoed into their bedroom. For her innocence sake, they weren't nude, but they were snoring and it made her giggle as she climbed into their bed.

“Helloooo,” she greeted. Matt stirred but didn't wake up. The girl frowned and crawled in between her parents. She turned towards her mother and began to aggressively poke the woman's forehead with her index finger. “Why-are-you-still-sleepingggg?!”

Violet hissed as she sat up and gave her daughter's nose a firm thump in retaliation. “Don't ever...wake me up...again.”

“Oww,” the girl whined as she rubbed her nose.

“What the-” Matt groaned as he finally woke up. “What are you doing?”

“I'm hungry and you didn't answer my walkie stalkie messages.”

“I’m sorry, boo. I'll cook you something.”

“I want Frosty Flakes!”

“Alright...um, will you wait in the kitchen for me?”

“Okay!” She chirped prior to sliding off of the bed and exiting the room.

When she was out of sight, Matt swiftly searched for his boxer and pulled the on before climbing out of bed.

“That child knows she's irritating,” Violet grumbled as she turned on her side.

“She's just hungry,” Matt defended.

The woman mumbled something under her breath causing Matt to roll his eyes as he exited.

Clark banged her hands on the dining room table.

“What's all this noise?” Matt asked as he entered the room.

“Music,” she chirped.

“Ahh, okay.” The man pulled a wisp and spoon from the drawer and handed his daughter the utensils along with an empty pot. “Then do it right.”

Clark instantly began to beat on the pot like it was a snare drum.

“Much better,” Matt assured as he hummed along to the sporadic rhythm.

“Twin-kle, twin-kle, lit-tle star, how I wonder what you areeeeeee!” Clark dang at the top of her lungs. “Remember I sang this when you and Mommy got married?!”

Hey father laughed. “Of course. How could I forget?”

The girl grinned and continued to vocally butcher the lullaby. “Twin-kle, twin-kle, lit-tle starrrrrr!”

Matt danced to the pantry. “Little star! Little, little star!” he added as he stormed into the room.

Violet stormed into the room. “Are you guys fucking kidding me right now?!”

“Wanna watch your language?” Matt asked.

“No, fuck that! I'm fucking exhausted and you guys are deliberately trying to test my fucking patience! I'm trying to sleep!”

“That room is virtually soundproof!” Matt retorted. “We've already tested that theory.”

“It is when you don't leave the door open!”

“Okay, fine. We're sorry.”

“Really, really sorry, Mommy,” Clark added. “Now you can go back to sleep.”

“No, I'm up now. I'm going to shower and then go shopping with Shea.”

“Can I come?!” her daughter squealed.

Her mother scoffed. “I'm going shopping to get away from you. You're spending the day with your daddy.”

“Well, Daddy and I always have fun.”

Matt gave the girl a high five.

“Losers,” Violet said as she turned to leave the room. The woman grabbed her phone and sent her best friend a message.

Hey, bitch. I'm still mad at you but I'm about to go shopping. You can tag along if you want.

After the message was successfully delivered, Violet checked her phone for a reply message every few minutes. She quickly became annoyed that Naomi was ignoring her.

---

Naomi groaned when the loud beeping over the speakers forced her awake. “What the fuck?”

A nurse knocked on the door before entering. The woman had a smile permanently plastered on her face. “Wakie, wakie!” she chirped as she handed Naomi a hygiene caddy filled with miniature lotions, potions and a toothbrush.

“I totally need a shower...but I noticed that there's only a sink and toilet in this bathroom.”

The woman nodded. “That's because the showers are shared.”

Naomi's eyes grew wide.

“Breakfast is at 7:30,” she said with unmatched excitement before exiting the room.

“How do you deal with a public shower?” Naomi asked as she turned to hear her roommates response. She was surprised to see an empty bed.

---

When Raven sat up and wasn't surprised to find herself on the small cot in solitary confinement.

“At least I'm away from her...for now.”

---

Despite being confident in her body, Naomi nervously approached the showers. The woman was relieved to see that each individual slot had it's own frosted door that concealed enough of the body from peering eyes. She approached the shortest line and stood behind the woman with the short blonde bob.

“I like your hair,” Naomi complimented.

The woman swiftly turned around. “Boom! Get ya life! I know my hair is poppin’!”

“Umm...okay,” Naomi replied, regretting that she'd said something to begin with.

“You’ll have to ignore Roxy,” she said, “the woman is narcissistic, hyperactive and attention seeking.”

“Yo mama is attention seeking!” Roxy shouted.

A nurse and security quickly entered the shower area.

“What's going on?” the professional asked.

“This bitch,” Roxy hissed, “is coming for me again.”

“Am not,” the other woman said calmly.

Roxy snarled and attempted to swing but security swiftly intervened and began to usher her towards the exit.

“You don't know who you're messin’ with! I'm Roxy Andrews and I'm here to make it clear!” she screeched before they got her out of the room completely.

“Oh my God,” Naomi said in disbelief.

“Tsk, tsk.” The woman extended her hand. “I'm Kim.”

Naomi returned the gesture. “I’m Naomi. Is that common?”

“What?”

“Outbursts over a compliment.”

“Depends on who you're talking to. For example,” she turned and shouted in the other direction, “hey, Tyra, you look nice today.”

“Fuck you,” the woman replied.

Kim laughed and Naomi couldn't help but crack a smile at the hearty chuckle.

“Well, well, well,” the woman Naomi recognized as the one who'd made the sexually suggestive gesture at her said as she approached, “Kim, how dare you keep this beautiful creature to yourself.”

Kim scoffed. “Go away, Aja.”

“Not until I get a sip of this tall glass of champagne,” she said, licking her lips as her eyes explored Naomi's physique. “What's your name, doll face?”

“Don't tell her, Naomi,” Kim warned before palming her own forehead. “Darn it! I'm so sorry,” the woman practically sobbed before rushing off.

“Hey, wait,” Naomi pleaded.

“That's what you get for befriending the crybaby depressed girl,” Aja said disapprovingly as she inched closer. “So, what's your story?”

“Well, um..I checked myself in here-”

“You what?!” Another woman interjected. “Why would you do that?!”

Naomi flinched. “I-I-I-”

“No! I'm forced to be here because they think I'm crazy! I'm not fucking crazy and I don't deserve to be here! I could be with my kids right now! You dumb bitch!” the woman snarled as she lunged at Naomi, but Aja intervened with a swift pop to the woman's mouth. They quickly began to tousle.

“Fight!” someone shouted. Within seconds, security arrived and split the women up. Always fearful of a riot, everyone was sent back to their rooms.

“But I need to shower,” Naomi groaned in frustration as she flopped onto her bed. “Why did I do this to myself?”

---

When Clark heard the door open, the girl sprinted towards the foyer.

“Mommyyyyyy, how was shoppingggg?!”

Violet jumped when she saw the abstract orange and black stripes smeared on the child’s face. “What's on your face?”

“I'm a tiger!”

Violet exhaled. “Okay. Where is your father?”

“Hiding. I'm looking for him but-”

“Wait…” The woman wiped the girl's forehead with her index finger. “Is that my makeup?!”

“Well…”

“Do you know how expensive this was?!”

Clark pouted. “I'm sorry, Mommy.”

Matt quickly descended the stairs. “What's going on?”

Violet turned to her husband and couldn't believe that the man's face was painted with purple lips and blue shadow that reached his eyebrows.

“Are you guys fucking kidding me?! Why are you in my makeup?!”

“Well…” Matt began just as his daughter had, “while you were gone, we got bored- we'd already played with everything else so we thought it'd be fun to…get makeovers,” he said quietly.

Violet tossed her shopping bags to the floor. “Do I play with your little dolls or stupid comic books?!”

The man wanted to correct her by saying 'action figures’ but he knew better. “No, you don't.”

“No, I don't! I don't touch either one of you little shits things, so why would you touch mine?!”

Clark hid behind her father's legs. “Because you have pretty things.”

“I know I do, but they're my things! Don't touch my things!”

The father/daughter duo defensively raised their hands. “Okay.”

Violet huffed and made her way up the stairs. When she entered the bathroom, she practically shrieked when she saw her makeup strewn across the tile. Her foundation had spilled and her eyeshadow had be dug into with bare fingers.

“Matthew! You- oww,” Violet whimpered as she clutched her abdomen. “Ow, oww! Matthewwww!”

“What?” the man panted ashe rushed into the room.

“I need to go to the hospital!”

---

“Stress,” her doctor said simply. “If you want that baby to be okay, you have to stay away from stress.”

Violet shot her husband a look. “Did you hear that? You and your daughter are stressing me the fuck out and you need to stop.”

“We're sorryyyyy,” Clark offered.

“Really sorry,” Matt added. “We'll do better.”

“Good. It needs to start off by you buying me some donut holes and a new pair of Miu Mius.”

---

Naomi paced the floor of her room until she was allowed to be released into the general population for breakfast. She grabbed a tray and joined the assembly line as she waited for pancakes, eggs and greasy sausage to be piled onto it.

“Yum,” she said flatly.

The woman glanced around the room and was relieved to see Kim sitting alone. She made her way over.

“Is this seat taken?”

“No,” Kim sighed.

“But this one is, owwww,” Aja said as she rushed over and flopped into the third chair. “What's up, baby doll?”

“I thought you were in solitary confinement,” Kim said quietly.

“Naw, sis! I can talk myself out of anything.”

“Is that where your bipolar kicks it?”

“Fuck all the way off. I'm here for baby doll, anyway. How are you, sweetness?”

“I’m okay,” Naomi sighed. “I'm a little upset that I didn't get to shower.”

“Oh, you'll get a chance to shower tonight, baby doll. No worries.”

“Good,” she sighed. “I can't go a day without showering.”

“You germaphobic or something?” Aja asked.

“No, I just love being clean.”

“Fair enough. I mean, with a face like that, you could smell like a rhino and I'd still hit.”

Naomi blushed. “Thank you. I'll have to tell me wife that one.”

Aja jumped out of her seat. “Wife?! Hallelujah, baby doll is on the L team!”

“Actually, well, I don't know if I'd go that far but-”

“Where is your wedding ring?”

“On the nightstand at home,” she bashfully admitted. “My wife and I are separated.”

Aja shook her head. “She's dumber than I thought. If I was your woman, I'd never let us get to that point.”

“I wish it was that easy.”

“Give me a test drive and I'll show you that it can be.”

Naomi turned red again. “If I divorce... I'll make sure to take you up on that offer.”

“Yes!” Aja shouted. “Did you hear that Trinity?! I can move on from you too!”

The woman who sported a short veil was seated by herself as she flipped through her bridal magazine.

“Trin-nit-ty!” Aja continued. “I know you can hear me! Just because you're ‘engaged’, doesn't mean you aren't still in love with me!”

Where is my popcorn when I need it? Naomi thought.

“I don't love you, Aja,” Trinity replied in a Southern accent that was thicker than molasses.

“That's not what you said when I fucked you so good that your legs started shaking and you said it was the best you ever had!”

She scoffed. “Whatever. Ooo!” the woman squealed when she made eye contact with Naomi. “A new face!” Trinity grabbed her things and rushed to the fourth seat at the table. “Hi! My name is Trinity, soon-to-be Mrs., Taylor! How are you?”

Naomi hid how overwhelmed she was with a forced smile. "I'm fine. How are y-”

“Oh, I'm happier than two bunnies finding their share of colored eggs on Easter Sunday!”

Kim pursed her lips to fight the laughter.

“So, I'm engaged to my fiance Leo.” Trinity pointed to her head. “See my veil? He he gave it to me as a symbol of how much he loves me.”

Naomi glanced down at the woman's left hand and noticed that her ring finger was bare. “I thought wedding rings were the symbol of love.”

“Well he hasn't given me one yet!” Trinity snapped back.

“That's because he doesn't exist, sweetheart,” Aja said. “Leo is a figment of your imagination- literally your imaginary friend from childhood that you got ‘engaged’ to after you caught me in the shower with Valentina. I know you still love me and-”

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Trinity shrieked at the top of her lungs as she jumped out of her seat. She stormed towards the nearest exit with Aja hot on her heels.

“I know you still love me, Trin!”

“Is this what it's like everyday?” Naomi asked Kim.

“Yep,” she sighed. “Bipolar, delusional, depressed…”

At that moment, a bald woman walked by their table.

“Listen to me,” she said to herself before her voice deepened and she spoke again. “No you listen, bitch!”

Her soft voiced personality was clearly frightened. “I-I-I’m so-sorry, honey.”

The deep voice wasn't having it. “Stop interrupting me!”

“I'm not interrupting you!”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn't!”

The woman's hands began to attack each other.

“Schizophrenic,” Kim added.

“Holy shit. She needs to be in a padded cell.”

“Sasha's harmless...for the most part. Cynthia is who you should probably worry about.”

Naomi’s eyebrows furrowed. “Who is Cynthia?”

Kim titled her head to the right and Naomi saw the approaching woman. She'd ripped up her generic scrubs so that they showed midriff to allow for some sex appeal.

“Quick, grab your tray,” Kim attempted to warn.

“Wha-” Naomi got out before Cynthia forcefully bumped the table with her hip. She sent the table to the floor and Naomi’s food all over her in the process. “What the hell?!”

“Do you wanna see my cucu?! I need all of dis space for my junk in the trunk!”

Naomi stood and dusted the meal off of her lap. “I'm going to kick your ass!”

“Catch my cucu if you can!” Cynthia declared before rushing off.

The woman didn't have the patience to chase her. She stormed off of the cafeteria and made her way to the nurses station. “I need to talk to someone about getting out of here,” Naomi demanded. “I'm gonna go crazy way quicker in here than I would in the real world.”

One of the nurses checked her bracelet.

“Self check,” the woman mumbled before turning and riffling through a file cabinet. “Smalls...Smalls…” She opened the file and gave it a quick study. “You haven't met with one of the psychologists yet. We really do recommend that before you go.”

“Well, where is the damn psychologist? I want to leave now!”

“So ready to go and we haven't even met yet,” a voice joked from behind her.

Naomi turned and saw the calming face of the older woman. “I’m sorry. I just can't handle being here. The women are, no offense, crazy.”

“None taken. Can we talk?”

Naomi sighed. “I guess.”

The woman guided Naomi to her office and she was entertained to see the classic couch that every therapist seemed to have. She took a seat and watched as the psychologist did the same before introducing herself.

“My name is Dr. Ru and I just want to help because that's obviously what you came here for. Right?”

“Yeah, but so far this just feels like a bad parody of Orange is the New Crazy. I don't want to be around people who are going to continuously bring me down... that's why I came here.”

“Oh? What happened before you came here?”

“Oh God, where should I start?” Naomi groaned.

“Start at the beginning.”

<<< >>>

#pearlet #pearlet fanfiction

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