#This is my longest SH review to date

[readingwiththereids]

yanda! speaks: hi angels! i just wanted to come on here and say thank you for the overwhelming support i’ve gotten from everyone following cam&carm’s story. you’ve all made writing and posting on here a lot more enjoyable and i really appreciate it. this is the longest chapter i have written so far so i hope that it’s not too much. about 7 chapters left before we move on to season 2! lots of love and light! 🤎

masterlist

night rain ; chapter 5

2022

The dreadful sound of Camila’s alarm sounded through her bedroom as the clock read 3:30. Pushing off of her mattress, she silenced it and slugged towards the bathroom. Today was the day of La Fame’s annual gala, where the food magazine company would invite all of their employees and their respective partners to dress up, drink and have a good time. Considering that Camila had never dated anyone since getting pregnant with Emelia, she always went to the event alone, rather deciding to spend her time catering at least one small dessert for it as it kept her busy but didn’t take too much of a toll on her. This year was no different as she was making about 500 tiny lemon cheesecakes that her coworkers had previously commended her for when she brought them to a strategy session once.

“Te quiero, mamá. And don’t forget to take Emmy to daycare before work, okay?” She whispered into her sleeping mother’s ear before kissing both her and Emilia goodbye.

The sky was still dark and the air was brisk as she walked the short commute to the bakery where she worked part-time, dragging along all of her ingredients in a large garden cart. She had asked the owner, Penelope if she could use the kitchen that day to prepare for the gala as they were always closed on Fridays. However, when Cam walked into the shop, she was shocked to see that the lights were on. 

Walking further into the room, she saw a plump, older woman with black hair tied back to reveal the permanent scowl on her face. Pamela.

Pam wasn’t necessarily a worker at the place but she was always hanging around as Penelope’s sister-in-law that only ever got in the way. She’d watch Camila over her shoulder and even attempt to change recipes despite being reprimanded for it by every employee there. She’d try make her own recipes and give them to customers which always just resulted in bad reviews and mandatory refunds, she had no idea what she was doing. And yet she was here. Aggressively whisking something in a bowl and pacing around the kitchen that was covered in dozens of different ingredients that definitely would not taste good together. The kitchen’s workbenches were blanketed by multiple cookbooks, utensils and empty boxes, with nowhere for Cam to put her things.

“Uh, hey Pam. What are you doing here?”

“Baking, what do you think?” she replied with a certain irritation in her voice that told Camila that her recipe was already not going her way.

“Right, of course. It’s just, I already asked Penelope about a week ago if I could use the kitchen today to make something for an event I’m going to.”

“And that’s my problem, how?”

Camila was growing irritated. “It’s your problem because I booked this space and you’re hogging it with whatever disgusting potion you’re trying to concoct.”

“Excuse you? My brother pays for this building, so I will do as I please. Now you can grab your things and get out of my kitchen, young lady.”

The younger girl stood in shock for a second before turning around and walking out the backdoor, whispering curses under her breath.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. You old piece of shit, fuck!” she huffed, kicking a dumpster in the alleyway which spread a sharp sting through her toe. “Ow, fuck!”

Camila didn’t know what to do. She had to make half a thousand stupid little cakes by six that evening and she had nowhere to do it. A thought crossed her mind and as much as she tried to push it away, it seemed like the best option and so she pulled out her phone from her back pocket. He probably didn’t even have the same number anymore and she doubted that he was awake but it didn’t hurt to try, right?

“Hello?”

Shockingly, she was greeted by an especially chipper and conscious voice.

“Hey! Carm, uh, I’m so sorry to call you so early.”

“It’s cool, are you…okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just, I know it’s short notice but is there any chance that I can use The Beef’s kitchen for a couple of hours today?”

“Yeah, actually, we’re not open today to cut down on labour hours, or at least I think that’s what Syd said. So, yeah you can come by. What do you need to do?”

“Make 500 mini cheesecakes by 6 PM.”

A beat.

“Do you need help?”

^^^^^^^^^

“So then she was like ‘My brother pays for this building, so I will do as I please.’ and actually kicked me out!”

“Are you kidding? Jesus, she sounds like a bitch.”

“She is, trust.” Camila laughed along with Carmy as they poured the cheesecake mixture into each of the tiny crusts. 

After their phone call, Carmen rushed to shower and meet Cam at the sandwich shop in thirty minutes. They had been baking together for hours, catching up and listening to each other’s playlists. Camila had felt a little weird though about not being able to tell him about the biggest aspect that had taken over her life since she last saw him in New York, motherhood. They had been cracking jokes and engaging in banter for the past couple of hours but the conversation always conveniently avoided the topic of why she left. Carmy knew that he should probably be madder at her, more hurt. After she left, he was broken for a long time and because of that, refused the possibility of ever being with someone again. But she was Camila, he knew she would have never done that without a good reason and that was enough for him.

A phone pinged from the counter.

“Sydney forgot her knives so she’s coming here to get them in a few, by the way.”

“Oh, great!” she smiled. “She seems like a nice girl, driven.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t exactly let up. Once she’s set her mind to something, it’s difficult to slow her down.”

“Yeah, she reminds me of you.” Cam chuckled, making eye contact with Carmy from across the workbench.

“Oh yeah?” he laughed.

“Yeah.” She finished her batch of cheesecakes and both of them moved to stack them in the oven before going back to clean up.

“Carmen?” Sydney’s voice travelled from the front of house to the kitchen. 

“Chef, come in. We’re in here.”

“We?” she questioned before seeing Camila grab a bunch of dirty bowls with the intent of going to wash them, but not before hugging the confused girl first.

“Hi, Syd. How have you been?”

“Hey, Cam. Good, how are you?” Her eyes bounced between Camila’s retreating figure and Carmy’s slightly red face as Sydney’s knowing smirk made him feel like he was a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“On edge, constantly. But surviving nonetheless.” Cam laughed before settling into her station at the sink. 

“So, what are you two doing? Alone?” She laughed in a hushed tone as Carmy’s face grew more red.

“What are you-what do you mean? I’m just helping her bake for a gala she’s going to later.” 

“Right.”

“Aren’t you here to get your knives, Chef?”

“You’re no fun, Chef.” 

“What up, lizards?” Richie’s voice boomed as we waltzed in through the backdoor. “Yo, where is everyone?” 

“Cousin, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I’m here to work, cuz. What else?”

“Richie, we’re closed today,” Syd interjected.

“What?”

“It was in the email that I sent everyone.”

“I don’t check my email, Sydney. I’m not a fucking loser.”

“You sure?” Camila quipped, prompting Richie to turn around and finally notice her.

“Mini? What are you doing here?” he smiled while ruffling her curls, which made her turn to splash soapy water at him.

“Why do you call her ‘Mini’?” Sydney asked.

“��Cause she’s like a carbon copy of Tina, but smaller. Mini Tina.” he shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world before turning to the girl in question. “But like actually, what’re you doin’ here?

“Carm was helping me make some cheesecakes for my work gala tonight.” she replied, turning back to the sink to get a particularly tough stain off of a spoon.

“Oh really?” Richie turned in the direction of Sydney and Carmen, mirroring the former’s smirk and wiggling his eyebrows.

“Alright, both of you, get the fuck out.” The latter finally spoke as he ushered the two out of the kitchen.

Carmy shoved the bag of knives from the counter into Sydney’s hands before shouting a bye and slamming the door in their faces and walking back into the kitchen, not before hearing a “They’re definitely gonna bone.” from behind it.

When he reentered, Camila had finished washing the dishes and moved to mopping the floors with a slight smirk on her face. Ignoring this, however, he cleared his throat and started to wipe down the counters. Just then, a song from Carmy’s playlist sounded from the speaker sitting on the shelf, ‘My Song’ by Labi Siffre.

Both of them froze up at this, pausing their actions immediately. At first glance, one could easily see the effect that this song had on them but what they wouldn’t know was the extent of how special to them it was. 

And I wonder

If you know what it means

To find your dreams come true

The melody had seen countless moments of Camila trying to teach Carmy to slow dance, half-naked in the living room.

And sometimes you don’t hear me

But you don’t have to be near me

To know that I’m singing

Trying each other’s new recipe ideas and laughing together when they failed.

This is my song

And nothing can make it die

And innocent showers filled with washing each other’s hair while mouthing the lyrics against one another’s lips.

That as long

As I live

I will sing my song for you

As the song ended, the two realised that their bodies had subconsciously forced them to face one another, and there they stood. Eyes locked from across the room and sad smiles pasted onto their faces. They stood there as such for a long time before finally being snapped out of it by the timer of the oven. As they both realised what just happened, they rushed to get the small desserts out of the oven without words before transferring each of them to cooling racks.

“So, uh,” Camila broke the silence first. “I was thinking. Since you were so helpful today, if you wanted to reap the benefits of that and maybe come with me to the gala? As my plus one.”

“I mean, I normally go to these things alone so I was just thinking I’d switch it up a bit.” she laughed nervously before looking up at Carmen, who had a completely dumbfounded look on his face but said nothing.

“God, never mind, I’m sorry. That was stupid-”

[Wait, Cam. No, that’s not what I-]

[-and weird, I’m sorry. Of course, you don’t want to, I-]

[-just didn’t want you to feel like you had to just because-]

[-don’t know what I was thinking. I just-]

“Camila!”

The curly-haired woman swiftly stopped rambling.

“I would love to go with you.”

“Really?” she asked as a smile spread across her face.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “I’ll pick you up at 8?”

“Actually, it starts at seven but I have to be there a little earlier so I’ll pick you up at 6:15?”

“Yeah.” he smiled shyly.

“Cool.”

^^^^^^^^^

Camila smoothed out her dress as she stared at herself in the mirror. She donned a strapless, pastel green dress with floral embroidery that seeped from the top of the dress, topped with gold jewellery. Her hair was clipped up into an elegant bun on top of her head and a few curls were left out to frame her face. She felt beautiful, desirable even. There was nothing necessarily promiscuous about her appearance, other than the high slit of the skirt, but for the first time in a while, Camila actually felt attractive. After having Emilia, her body expectedly went through many changes and it took her a while to recover a healthy relationship with her figure and now here she was. Not just glancing at her form to avoid scrutinising it too much but actually looking at it. She felt proud.

Her phone pinged from her bed as she moved to read it.

[Camila]

Do you even have a suit, Berzatto?

Read

[Carmy]

I can’t believe you would even ask me that.

(I just borrowed one from Chi-Chi)

The brown-skinned girl laughed at this before hearing a small voice from below her.

“Wow! Mama, you look so pretty!” Emelia giggled as she looked up at her mother in awe. 

“Awh,” Camila fawned, picking the toddler up. “Thank you, princess. You’re so sweet.” 

“Oh, cariño. You look beautiful.” Tina said from the doorway. Quickly, the younger woman noticed the tears in her mother’s eyes. 

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Mija. It’s just that your father would be so proud of you. He was always dreaming big for your future, he would have loved to see you now. Practically running one of the biggest magazines in the world, still finding time to stay with your passions, and raising the most extraordinary, gentle child that I have ever met. This is what he wanted for you, Camila. All he wanted was for you to be happy like this.”

Malik Dominic Ivy was thirty-two when he died in a drunk driving accident. He died just a month before Camila was born which meant that she never got to meet her father. This fact also meant that Tina had to take on the responsibility of raising a newborn while simultaneously grieving the love of her life. Expectedly, this caused some strain between Cam and her mother during her childhood rooted in the latter’s trauma, before she finally grew to understand how difficult and painful it must have been for the older woman to have to take care of a baby that reminded her so deeply of the man she had recently lost.

Camila’s main knowledge of her father stemmed from the stories that her mother would tell her, of romantic dates, funny incidents and more. It was through them that she felt as if she understood her dad and how much she meant to him. Even before she had developed a heartbeat, she was all he thought about. What she would achieve, how she would grow, how she would love, he thought of it all. When Camila thought about her own daughter, her mind would often shift to Malik. She would frequently doubt the decisions she made regarding Emilia’s relationship with Carmen. Was it really fair for her to keep the child from him when she knew what it was like to be robbed of time with her own dad? The first time she had that thought, she concluded that it wasn’t and picked up the phone to search him up and call. However, when she saw that Carmy had recently received an award for his work, it stopped her in her tracks. She remembered why she couldn’t do that to him and put down the phone. Even so, the entire thought broke her heart.

Cam brought her free hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes as she cried softly in her mother’s arms. 

“I’m so sorry that you never got to meet him, mi corazón. Sé que no es justo, lo siento.” 

[I know that it isn’t fair, I’m sorry]

The young girl pulled back after collecting herself to see that the small child in her arms had also begun to tear up.

“Bear, what’s wrong?”

“You guys were crying and it made me sad.” Emmy said, beginning to cry more while attempting to dry her mother’s tears. 

“Aw, hun.” Camila mumbled into her hair after kissing it.

Tina took the toddler from Cam’s arms before speaking. “I’ll make sure that she’s okay. Finish getting ready and fix your makeup.”

“Have a great time, Camila,” she continued. “And tell Jeff to have you back by 11.” 

As the two walked out of Camila’s room, she heard Emmy’s voice ask her grandmother a question.

“Who’s Jeff?”

yanda! speaks (again): gang, now i know i said we'd be back to regular programming but i'll probably only be able to post 3 more chapters this week and then i'll be offline for a couple of days on a team building retreat. i'll try do a little double update for y'all when i'm back, though. i'll also be taking a small break before i start writing season two but i already have some pretty big ideas for that one so don't give up on me! alright, love you!

🏷️ list: @rexorangecouny @louderfortheback @janoskiansecondsofdirection @thatonedogwithablog @kravitzwhore @iiheartbowie @doodlebob-mp3

[mercurialkitty]

I posted 14,951 times in 2022

93 posts created (1%)

14,858 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@saratsuzuki

@atalethatcantbetold

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@itwillalwaysbedestiel

@lifbitch

I tagged 10,290 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags

#destiel - 1,227 posts

#cas - 1,217 posts

#castiel - 1,033 posts

#misha collins - 795 posts

#destiel fan art - 505 posts

#dean winchester - 444 posts

#spn - 349 posts

#castiel fan art - 345 posts

#jack kline - 273 posts

#suptober22 - 214 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#is there a fic where jack has his angel powers and just flits back and forth between destiel saileen and kelly households? earth & heaven?

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I was tagged by @tuometarr (💖THANK YOU so much! 💖 ) in Fic Authors Self Rec, which does give a a great excuse to talk about my own fics so here are  my 5 fave fics I have written

Ahem, that's the tag prompt -- actually I am so new to writing, that I don't have 5 favorite fics yet, but here's what I have:

Talks with Dads - Dean and Cereal - It's super short at 875 words, but I think this is my fave thing. My obsession is repairing the Dean and Jack relationship, so this ficlet has a soft spot in my heart. I think it's sweet.

On the Road again - This is the first destiel fan fic I wrote and shared out with the world, courtesy of a @winchester-reload Suptober prompt. So I'll be forever grateful for Suptober. It represents finally getting out there and creating content even in my fandom fifties. It's short at 1,563 words, but I like it, and I put in three Willie Nelson songs via YouTube links. Really, just the song Angel flying too close to the ground is worth clicking the link.

Game Night - Again, this is me wanting to repair the relationships around Jack. This is a heart to heart between Dean and Mary in heaven. It's 2,204 words.

Road Trip for the Holidays - was my first multichapter fic. It's a pile of self-indulgent college!Jack and his family fluff, with Jack's original character friend, and just a bit of Jack and Dean regretful feelz and memories so it's not pure sugar. At 54,897 words, it's novella length, so finally a decent amount of story to get into. I love parts of it sooo much, and yet I have newbie author embarrassment about it.

Instead of a fifth fic, I'll put in a plug for my fave fic that I'm working on. It's a Season 13 fix-it fic -- the formal title not set yet. Again, it's a repair of the Dean and Jack relationship we saw in 13.01 Lost and Found. I've been working on it for a couple years, but I've joined the WIP Big Bang to "Finish your SH**" , and I feel confident about finishing. So keep an eye out for the @wipbigbang and hopefully you'll see a promo when it gets close to the publishing date.

I'm also working on a midam, but I fear that will be a long time coming.

I'll tag a few random blogs who follow me and who have AO3 links in their header or pinned post. I think most blogs are a lot bigger than mine, especially with folks who write, so this may get lost in notes or they wonder who the heck this is :)

@procasdeanating @stillwinchester @damonnscroww @bluefirecas @fellshish @luninosity

Also if anyone else wants to use this as a reason to talk about their work feel free to consider yourself tagged ☺️

16 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#4

Suptober22

Day 20 - Spa

pencil

Cas, Claire and Jack are at the spa juice bar. Cas and Jack have matching fluffy white robes from their massages. Claire was trying out lounging around with an eye mask, but that's not her thing. She's probably going to head to the pool or a cardio dance workout. Jack's considering reminding her that the eye mask is still on her head, but Claire may not mind. It makes a decent headband to keep her hair out of her eyes until she braids it.

19 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#3

Hey folks, if you went to Rotten Tomatoes to leave a RoadFood review and didn't find the entry last week, it's been added! I know a lot of us must have asked for them to add it so soon, so congrats to us.

Tell them how great Misha is! 😇

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/roadfood

22 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#2

So Adam is born on September 29 which is traditionally St. Michael's day. Dean was born in January

Adam was the true Michael sword and Chuck just ignored it because he was so obsessed with Dean.

It's like it was the universe's choice and not Chuck's.

25 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Misha photo op! Raven @magnificent-winged-beast edited it for me! (i.e., graciously took me out of the image, etc.)

And what everyone told me before is true. You think he looks good in pictures? It is nothing compared to what he looks like in person. Like maybe he has a big aura or something, but he looks even more handsome than most photographs of him. It's difficult to understand.

127 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

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[harrington-thedad]

I posted 181 times in 2022

That's 177 more posts than 2021!

9 posts created (5%)

172 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gay-gym-rats

@hellfirehaley

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@stevesnailbat

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I tagged 148 of my posts in 2022

Only 18% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 82 posts

#strangerthings - 76 posts

#st gifs - 70 posts

#st 4 - 56 posts

#steve harrington - 49 posts

#steveharrington - 47 posts

#stranger things 4 - 44 posts

#sh gifs - 39 posts

#eddie munson - 25 posts

#eddiemunson - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 56 characters

#him and will would’ve had the same duo as stve and dstin

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

thinking about Steve eating Pringles and how Dustin probably brought them like he did in season 1.

6 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#4

i’m not gonna update my tumblr app until they have a new one. 🤠

7 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#3

i wanna go on a date with Frank to the carnival.

9 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#2

you know what i just realized? Eddie learned Master of Puppets within two weeks of the album coming out and he showed it to Dustin. Dustin was probably so amazed at how fast Eddie could know the chords so fast.

“Hey, Dustin,” Eddie would say. “I learned a new song, wanna hear me play it?”

“Yeah, let’s hear it!” Dustin stopping whatever he was doing; probably after Hellfire club.

and boom, Eddie would play the guitar for Dustin and Dustin smiling at how cool Eddie was.

ugh, give me a moment pls. i miss them.

18 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

watching The Hardy Boys bc phew, been putting that off bc other tv shows but after seeing Halloween Ends.. I need more Rohan Campbell in my life.

Just into the first episode and Frank is a baseball player. You know what baseball players have???? A. NICE. JUNK. IN THE. TRUNK (passionate).

30 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

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[mr-nauseam]

I posted 1,191 times in 2021

349 posts created (29%)

842 posts reblogged (71%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.4 posts.

I added 931 tags in 2021

#sherlock holmes - 143 posts

#dr watson - 113 posts

#john watson - 112 posts

#sh-ika - 94 posts

#answerika - 85 posts

#acd watson - 79 posts

#aph portugal - 78 posts

#acd canon - 76 posts

#john h watson - 76 posts

#acd holmes - 75 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i think there would be a lot of short videos of holmes doing experiments but ending badlywhat-holmes pouring something into a test tube-

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I'm pretty sure that England and Portugal are the kind of friends that every time they saw a couple's discount in a restaurant or something like that, they said they were dating.

Until one day that pair of fools end up kissing intensely.

108 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 15:23:06 GMT

#4

My teacher: Sometimes I think that the relationship between these biographers and the people they write about... has love. I mean, clearly there was love of friendship or a feel of admiration but I wonder if there wasn't something else there between them.

Me:

118 notes • Posted 2021-10-18 21:59:44 GMT

#3

We all know that Watson is not a very reliable storyteller but we can agree that if this man has no problem saying that Lestrade has the face of a rat or in telling us that someone looked unpleasant, we can have no doubt that when Watson says "This man is handsome as fuck and too beautiful to live", he really thinks that.

141 notes • Posted 2021-06-20 14:33:00 GMT

#2

I saw this image on facebook and damn I'm 1000% sure that this happened to Holmes & Watson in literal all their versions 😩👌:

197 notes • Posted 2021-07-29 21:41:34 GMT

#1

I CAN'T, I can't understand the people who read "A Scandal in Bohemia" and say "YES, Holmes and Irene Adler are in love, they wannA FUCK", lmao, sometimes I wonder if we read the same story, seriously ... What the hell is A Scandal in Bohemia about for them?

I remember Watson telling us at the very beginning like for 10 paragraphs or more that Holmes didn't like Irene in that way, then Holmes telling Watson "I am lost without my Boswell" when he tried to leave and then Holmes sending to hell to the king for being rude to his bestie (cofcofboyfriendcofcof), then we spent several pages reading the adorable duo: Adler & Norton, we are reading -explicitly- how they love each other and their enjoy each other and how they have a thing... a something like... like A FUCKING WEDDING.

Oh and when H&W are going to solve the case we have THIS DIALOGUE:

"You don't mind breaking the law?"

"Not in the least."

"Nor running a chance of arrest?"

"Not in a good cause."

"Oh, the cause is excellent!"

"Then I am your man."

"I was sure that I might rely on you."

And then we have the fire thing and while Holmes celebrates with Watson, Irene Godness Adler is turning them around and triumphing, by the time everyone found out that she hit them we have THE BEAUTIFUL LETTER FROM IRENE WITH THIS PHRASE THAT MAKES ME DIE OF LOVE:

"I love and am loved by a better man than he."

YESS GIRL, -clap-, -I wipe a tear-, this line is so powerful and God doesn't stop there, I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

"Irene Norton, nee Adler." She was there writing the "Irene Norton" so proud. After this you have Holmes telling the king that he IS an idiot for annoying his ex:

"From what I have seen of the lady she seems indeed to be on a very different level to your Majesty," And now, then he asks for the photograph to have it as his constant reminder that he should not be arrogant, or underestimate people and that for the next time he should not believe that everything his client says is true, that is the "A Scandal in Bohemia" that I remember.

....

Tumblr have this thing??? WHAT?

My year of SH and PORTUGAL MY LOVE

243 notes • Posted 2021-07-22 20:05:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[rose-lily-hale]

I posted 3,433 times in 2021

480 posts created (14%)

2953 posts reblogged (86%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.2 posts.

I added 426 tags in 2021

#twilight - 115 posts

#mystuff - 67 posts

#rosalie hale - 47 posts

#bella swan - 44 posts

#twilightedit - 33 posts

#anonymous - 30 posts

#signal boost - 26 posts

#edward cullen - 26 posts

#emmett cullen - 20 posts

#ict - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and people i thought were my friends ere joking about it and proudly saying they were aphobes? and how we didn't belong in the queer commun

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

881 notes • Posted 2021-04-22 20:04:38 GMT

#4

When you’re still in your 20s but you’re older than all the cullens:

1102 notes • Posted 2021-04-06 00:23:35 GMT

#3

deleting my dating apps because i wanna meet someone the old fashioned way (find them dying in the forest after they've been mauled by a bear)

1179 notes • Posted 2021-06-10 02:11:15 GMT

#2

Sh*t The Cullens Say

1703 notes • Posted 2021-04-21 00:38:31 GMT

#1

1867 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 00:25:25 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[sxfterhearts]

26. [9:10 pm]

➳ pairing: yugyeom x reader

➳ genre/warnings: fluff, established relationship!au

➳ word count: 1,224 words

➳ summary: 26. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

➳ author's note: written for the lovely @wonhony ​( ＾◡＾)っ ♡ i hope this meets your expectations omg >//< also everyone please feel free to leave me any feedback, comments or requests!! my inbox and pms are always open! (i am forever grateful to those of you who gave me feedback, brb while i drown in happy tears)

//

Surrounded by a cascade of hot water and its accompanying mist, Yugyeom's signature strawberry body wash formed a lather against your wet skin. You inhaled deeply, basking in the sugary sweet scent. You finally understood why this was your boyfriend's favourite. The body wash took you right back to the winters you spent strawberry-picking as a child.

Reaching towards the shower caddy, you picked up the golden tub that Yugyeom mentioned earlier when he handed you a fluffy towel and a clean change of clothes – his clothes. It was a hair mask, one that you saw in review or haul videos of beauty YouTubers. He said he bought it on a whim when he witnessed Jackson purchasing three tubs for his girlfriend at the famous discount store, Don Quijote.

It was a little over twenty-four hours since your boyfriend returned from his business trip in Japan. His entertainment agency had sent their composers and lyricists, Yugyeom and Jackson included, to a week-long songwriting workshop in Tokyo. It was the longest you had gone without seeing Yugyeom. The trip made you realise just how lucky the two of you were – you worked in the exact same company as a vocal instructor, with your classroom just two floors above his studio. Even if you didn’t bump into each other in the elevator or the cafeteria, you would at least greet each other every morning on the bus on the way to work. After being within arm’s reach for the entirety of your three-month long relationship, one week; seven days; one hundred and sixty-eight hours; ten thousand and eighty minutes, felt like an entire lifetime.

Which is exactly why Yugyeom planned a comprehensive date night after he debriefed and caught up on some sleep. He arrived at your doorstep at six o’clock sharp, looking devastatingly handsome in his favourite red plaid shirt and black skinny jeans, a bright, vibrant bouquet of white and yellow flowers in his hands. You allowed an excited Yugyeom to lead you to the pavilion at the peak of Eungbongsan. It was a breezy thirty-minute walk that rewarded you with magnificent views of the Han River, Seoul Forest, and the entire Seoul skyline. As the two of you sat side by side, shoulder to shoulder, you watched the sky transition from light to dark with mesmerised eyes. Munching on the bacon and egg sandwiches Yugyeom prepared, the two of you rejoiced in each other’s company while soaking in the glittery golden shine of the setting sun.

It was perfect, really. Neither of you wanted the night to end.

Hence why you were currently applying the hair mask onto your hair in the bathroom of Yugyeom’s studio apartment. On the train home, he suggested that, if you felt comfortable with it, you could stay at his place for the night.

You were never a spontaneous person. In fact, you leaned more towards the category of a control freak, always preferring to plan your day out to a tee. Being with Yugyeom, however, meant that you had to break your strategist tendencies and adapt to his carefree, go-with-the-flow personality.

You never spent a night together before. Months ago, you would flat out refuse his offer. But right now, you were way too eager to spend every waking hour with the man you missed so much. Despite a tingling nervousness blossoming in your chest, you agreed.

Humming to yourself, you rinsed away the remnants of the silky liquid from your hair. You felt the earlier nervousness give way to anticipation and excitement as you dried yourself with the soft towel. You were stuck with Yugyeom for another twelve whole hours, until you had to leave to teach a morning class. You giggled at the thought of sharing a bed with him as you pulled on a pair of his old, smaller boxers. His t-shirt ended right above your knees, making it look as though you weren’t wearing anything underneath. Would he snore? Or steal the blanket away from your shivering body? Perhaps you would end up spooning, with him as the big spoon. Maybe he would move around so much in his sleep that you would get pushed-

“Baby!" Yugyeom’s voice rang out just as you stepped out of the bathroom, catching you off guard. “Let’s watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved before. The first one though, not the sequel. According to Bambam the sequel is absolute sh-”

He paused midway, his fingers frozen atop the keyboard of his laptop and his mouth agape. Your hands stopped the furious blotting and squeezing of your hair.

“W-why…” Yugyeom gestured vaguely at your outfit, his eyes raking up and down your figure repeatedly. “You… You’re not wearing any pants?” His sentence ended in a squeak, his cheeks flushing and ears heating up at the sight of your exposed legs.

You hastily waved your arms in disagreement. “No! No, I am, it’s just… Well, your shirt is really long. I’m wearing your boxers, the shirt is just covering it.”

“Oh.” Yugyeom released a short sigh of relief. “I thought you were like naked, wait no, that sounds wrong.” He ran a hand through his light grey locks, embarrassed. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just, uh, never mind. I’ll be outside if you need me, um, need, anything. Yeah.” He promptly closed the door, leaving you standing there, stunned.

You tried to remain calm once you cleared the bathroom of your dirty clothes and made your way towards the living room. “Babe, can I borrow a-”

“A sanitary pad? Moisturiser? Body lotion?” Yugyeom sprang to his feet at the sound of your voice, anticipating your needs before they even left your mouth.

“You bought sanitary pads?” You wondered, cocking an eyebrow towards your boyfriend. “You planned this, didn’t you? You anticipated, no, you wanted me to sleepover.”

He grinned sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck. “Guilty as charged, I guess.”

“Right…” Unable to hold yourself back, you closed the distance between the two of you and pinched his cheeks affectionately. “You’re so sneaky, Kim Yugyeom.” Yet, his thoughtfulness got you feeling all kinds of happy, prompting you to meet his lips in a soft peck. “But no, I was just wondering whether I could borrow your hairdryer.”

Soothing was the only word to describe how you felt as the two of you sat on his bed, his fingers detangling the damp strands of your hair while blowing hot air all over. The gentle grazes of his skin on yours, the steady whir of the hairdryer and the accidental blasts of hot air to your face gifted you with a sense of belonging, as though spending nights like this with Yugyeom was just right.

//

You barely stirred when he switched off his laptop as the ending credits of the movie rolled, having already fallen into a slumber halfway through. Amidst your sleepy haze, your mind registered him repositioning you into the little spoon, your back resting against his chest while his strong arms held you close. 

Yugyeom pressed his warm lips against your exposed neck to wish you good night. You mumbled incoherently in return, snuggling closer to the warmth and comfort of his body. Just like that, resting securely in Yugyeom's embrace, you drifted away to Dreamland.

[shuadotcom]

✨content creator: year in review✨

tagged by @nightowls388, @suhdays, and @kkulfm-writing. thank you lovelies! 🥺💜

first creation and most recent creation of 2020:

my first fic i posted here was oops. it was the first fic i finished and put on the internet in 5+ years. it’s still my baby.

my most recent is the one. a fluffy jungkook drabble!

one of your favorite creations from 2020:

(un)welcomed addition. it was my first fic for an event and i had a really good time writing it.

a creation you’re really proud of:

melt my heart! it’s a namjoon christmas fic and my longest fic to date. it went through like 2 big re-writes on certain parts and i watched the hallmark movie it’s based on multiple times for inspiration. i’m really happy i was able to do it!

a creation that took you forever:

even though it’s only 2k words, read your mind was a struggle. i flip-flopped between adding smut or not something fierce and then i agonized over the ending for WEEKS. i like how it came out but it was a battle to get there. that’s why it came out days after halloween when it was supposed to be posted on 10/31 oops.

a creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

(un)welcomed addition. i’m glad so many folks liked it especially since it wasn’t a smut piece tbh

a creation you think deserved more notes:

bad behavior because while it hurt me i really liked writing it.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

i didn’t join any new fandoms this year lol. even if i had i probably wouldn’t have written about them. bts are my only muses rn. 

a creation you made that breaks your heart:

tie between bad behavior because the idea of hurting namjoon makes me wanna cry, but also worth it because writing about tae being sad is so UGH 😭

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love:

oh my gourd! is just a little dad!jin fluff i wrote for halloween and it’s just really sweet i had fun writing it.

a creation that was inspired by another one:

i got a lot of inspiration from haunting at bly manor on netflix to write the ghost of you. it was written for a halloween event and was going to be on the spookier side, but then i binged bly manor and this was born.

a favorite creation created by someone else:

aight SO this will be long. but this are what i can think of off the top of my head:

ego, satisfy and the hush series by @suga-kookiemonster. basically anything that ashley writes

sh. by @wwilloww

cream suit by @ppersonna because lindy’s writing is legendary but THIS!!!!! THiS!

popular-ish, off-league, g.p.s-god, parents suck, the proposal, and honestly everything written by @hansolmates. cami’s writing is a gift to us all.

king of campus by @luxekook

cane sugar by @joopiterjoon

oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always

tear you apart and the second part tear you apart: curious demon by @bratkook

we need you by @kookiesspacebuns

cherry pickers by @kimnjss

born sinner and honestly everything else by @1kook

and i know there are so many more i can’t remember 🤦🏽‍♀️ BUT i also have a shit load of fics sitting in a folder in my browser i have to read. i’m trying to better at reading and adding to my fic rec tags so i will do my best to get my shit together in 2021 as a reader! 🤞🏽

and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love:

tempting | i put a spell on you | hello nurse | fall for you | convention crush & the smell of spring.

tagging: everyone i mentioned above and also @wheresmymoniat, @hobisbeautifulass, @aroseforyoongi, @joheun-saram, @flytomyjoon, @joontopia @staerify @scribblemetae and every other writer that sees this so you can reflect on all your hard work this year too! 🥰

[bi-girlwrites-2000]

why did you do it?

summary: you have enough of live, tom is away and Harrison finds you in your bathroom

Warnings: selfharm, suicidal thoughts, hella angst fluff ending

words:1.256

please leave reviews and if you feel like that in this story please turn to help. im open or call the the suicidprevention hotline

You had your past with self harm but you thought it will never happen again. You had  friends, your a famous actress, Hell you date Tom fucking Holland, but sometimes the comments come to your head.

You don’t usually look at the Comments you know there are always Haters out there. But in the last month where Tom was away filming and just after an interview for a new film you star in. You felt exhausted.

The Interview was not the best, the interviewer had asked about your past. Everyone knew about it. You were not suicidal but close, you thought about it but were always to scared to do it. Then Tom came in your life and helped you come over that. You know you can always talk to him about everything, but you didn’t want to bother him. You feel like he deserves someone who is stable and not sometimes to weak to get up from there Bed or throw up from exhaustion.

You sit on the Bathroom floor of your shared Apartment, in one hand a razor blade in the other your phone. You hesitate, do you really want to do this again? All these months free from it and now just falling right back to your habit.

The blade goes along your wrist, red hot liquid quills out, you sigh. You feel relieved and also not. You feel something other than exhaustion and numbness. The cuts get more, one by one, next to each other over each other, anywhere on your wrist. The Blood drip to the floor. You lean against the wall behind you and close your eyes. Before you are flashing all the Hate comments.

Suddenly you hear the front door click and someone shouting  your name “Y/N” you know exactly who that is: Harrison. He has checked on you sometimes over the month, being the good friend he is. After he heard what in the interview happened he thought he should check up on you. “Y/N I brought take-out, where are you?” No answer.“Y/N your worrying me, where are you?” He put the food on the kitchen table and checked the bedroom, as he wanted to go into the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom” I’m on the toilet, please don’t come in” she said. “Oh ok… I brought dinner, just come down if your done; OK?” He heard a loud thud. “Hey you ok in there?”. When there was no answer after a minute he was really worried.

”Y/N I’m coming in” Harrison said, opening the door slowly. He was not prepared for what he saw. “Oh my god, hey can you hear me, Y/N… hey are you with me? Please wake up.” he panicked, only now he noticed the blood from your wrist. “shit” he fumbled with his phone and called an ambulance.” yeah my friend tried to commit suicide… I need then to be here as fast as possible, ok bye” he found a towel and wrapped it around your wrist and tried to stop the bleeding as bet as possible.

Tom was exhausted, the day was long and all he wanted to do now is to take a hot shower and call  you. He had only two weeks to go and then he get to go home, he missed you. So when he got a call from Harrison he was a little surprised, they usually just text each other.

“Hey Haz, whats up?” tom asked happy talking to his best friend.“You have to get home now!” Harrison said panic in his words “What happened?”  he asked now worrying a bit. What had happened? “It’s Y/N, sh- she tried t-to commit sui- she tried to commit suicide. I found her in your bathroom passed out.” “WHAT! I’m coming as fast as I can” He couldn’t believe it. He knew you were not feeling good sometimes but he didn’t that it was that bad. Now that he was thinking back he should have realized it earlier, your bags under your eyes, your hollow cheeks. He felt so bad. He rushed as fast as he could to his car. Sprinting from set. “hey tom what happened” Zendaya asked “It’s Y/N! Can you cover for me?” “sure” he gave her a grateful smile.

It felt like the longest 3 hours of driving he ever experienced. When he came to the Hospital he ran in, seeing Harrison in the waiting lobby. “Harrison, where is she?” “she is on the intensive care unit, we can’t go to her right now” Harrison said putting a hand on toms shoulder. “why would she do something like this, I’m a bad boyfriend, I should’ve been there for her” Tom said slumping himself on a chair. “Tom it’s not your fault no one saw it coming” they waited, it felt like hours before a nurse came in “Are you here for Y/N Y/L/N?” tom sprung from his seat “yes, yes we are, is she ok? Can we see her?”  “yes she is ok, she lost a lot of blood but we managed to fix that, if you would follow me I can show you the room” Harrison got up and they started walking in the direction.

Tom had a sick feeling in his stomach as they entered the intensive care unit. The nurse stopped not long as they entered the hallways of this unit. She stepped aside and left them alone, as they opened the door tom and Harrison saw you. You were very pale, the only sounds in the room are the machines your hooked on.”hey babe” tom rushes immediately. You didn’t answer still not woken up. Tom sits in the seat next to the bed and gently takes your hand in his.” you gave me a big scare, I thought I lost you for a second” he said. Harrison called your best friend Zendaya and informed her what happened.

The first thing you registered was a beeping sound, it annoyed you. You tried to open your eyes but are met with bright, white light and it stung so you immediately closed your eyes again. Hearing the grown you made tom looked up to seeing you wanting to sit up “hey easy they, slow down a little”

“where am I and what are you doing here Tom, shouldn’t you be gone for 2 more weeks?”  and then it dawned on you all came flooding back. You cringed and regretted doing everything. “Harrison found you in our bathroom passed out” he said on the brim of tears, why did you want to kill yourself, why did he not notice your change in behavior.

“why did it?” tom asked now looking up to seeing you with a single tear running down your cheek. With his thumb he gently wipes your tear away. “I don’t know… I- just I think the hate came to my head over the month you were gone and then the last interview was bad and… I couldn't take it anymore” you said. You couldn’t look in his face, the pain behind his eyes to much to bear. “honey, you could’ve talked to me or Harrison… right?” he looked to Haz “yes please don’t do that again” he said, looking at you then to Tom “I’ll let you to be alone, I’m waiting in front of the room.” Harrison walked out and closed the door.

“please don’t do something like that ever again” he looked at you “I will never do it again, I love you tom” “love you too”.

THE END

Hope you enjoyed it.

[hiddlesgirl]

SH 218: Awake, Arise, Or Be Forever Fallen

This episode is one of my favourite episodes of the series; Malec flashbacks, Maia back story and Luke being a badass. We get a few very emotional scenes, yes I cried three times during this episode. A new character, three characters return and Clary finally finds out who Jonathan is masquerading as. So much gratitude to the writer, Jamie Gorenburg, and director, Amanda Row; they did an amazing job and I hope they are back to work on Season 3 (Amanda confirmed she is back for a couple of episodes in Season 3!).

(Again, I will be using Sebastian for Jonathan’s glamoured form, and Jonathan for his true, burnt form.)

While Max had good intentions in finding Jonathan it is clear that he doesn’t quite comprehend just how much danger he is in right now; but it soon because apparent when Sebastian’s face changes. You can see Max register the danger as Sebastian beings slowly advancing on him, closing the office door; Max is undoubtedly brave for attempting to injure Sebastian. When he smashes Max’s face against the desk not only is it shocking to watch, but it is also a testament to how screwed up his morals are; he is willing to hurt, even kill, a child to keep his cover. It is another example of just how unpredictable and dangerous he truly is.

Clary finds Sebastian sitting on the couch in Alec’s office; he had been alerted to her presence when she spoke to Lindsey outside the office. She seems a little suspicious of his strange, cagey behaviour, but she shrugs it off; he really has done a fantastic job of integrated himself not only into the Institute but the inner circle that consists of Clary, Jace, Izzy and Alec. Getting close to them in order to have a better advantage and make it easier for him to operate; made extremely easy by Alec’s decision to place him as the Head of Security.

(We really need to question how quickly Shadowhunters trust their own kind sometimes; did they even do a back ground check? He has only been in their lives for a few weeks and he is given such a pivotal role in the Institute? How many other qualified people were overlooked when he was given that job? I know that Alec was grateful to him for saving Izzy’s life. Like the Shadowhunters ingrained Prejudice against Downworlders they seem to have an ingrained blind trust for their own kind, which is what lead to this situation. We saw that Alec was wary of Sebastian, but he didn’t act on his gut instinct; he really needs to learn to listen to his gut more.)

As Clary and Sebastian leave we see that he has stashed Max’s unconscious body underneath Alec’s desk, where he is bleeding onto the floor. Again, this shows just how little remorse he feels for his actions, for him the means definitely justify his end game, not matter what he does.

Maia and Simon walking home from their date was very cute, the reference to Simon hitting some ducks made me laugh; I wonder if it was a nod to Jace’s (and the Herondale) fear of ducks that is mentioned in the books. The find a mundane who has been scratched by a werewolf, his name is Bat; I know that this is another character from the books and it will be interesting to see what role he is going to play in the show.

After a briefing Izzy can see that something isn’t right with Alec, guessing that he told Magnus about the Sword and that it didn’t go well. She knows the conflict he has been struggling with because of the Sword; that he was conflicted about what to do and who to tell for the best outcome. She comforts him, wanting him to know that she is there to support him and as someone to lean on if he needs it. She knows how important Magnus is to him and she feels sympathy that he is hurting right now because once again his duty is clashing with his feelings for Magnus.

Magnus and Luke are meeting with the Seelie Queen to create an alliance in order to stop Valentine; however she wants to do things her way, separate from the Clave and Shadowhunters. It has become abundantly clear that she doesn’t like or trust the Clave at all, and is trying to manipulate and alienate any Downworlders she can (beginning with Simon and now Magnus). She uses Magnus’ feelings for Alec as a weapon against him; manipulating him while he is hurt and angry; forcing him to make a rash decision while he is in a more vulnerable state of mind. She is willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants, pushing her agenda and vendetta against the Clave. It will be interesting to find out what her end game is; to destroy the Clave? To posses the Mortal Instruments in order to control the Clave? She is a very interesting, albeit frustrating, characters and I am curios to find out what her end goal is.

Izzy finds an unconscious Max, bleeding, in her room; he must have been looking for help once he regained consciousness. It soon becomes obvious that his injuries are very severe when he cannot be taken to Idris as he would not survive the transfer. You really start getting worried for Max; Alec is very scared and angry feeling desperate to find out who did this, he wants to be able to do something, otherwise he would feel useless because he cannot do anything to help Max’s condition right now. Jace calms him down, he is feeling the same but knows that those emotions and rash actions aren’t going to help Max and they need to act rationally.

Magnus ignores a call from Alec, unknowing of the situation at the Institute; he wants to be able to think about his current predicament and make a decision without any distractions. I love the first flashback, from 1x06 after Alec and Magnus had drinks; it was lovely to be reminded just how far they have come. Especially Alec, who was extremely closeted at the time and was terrified of not only his own feelings but what others might think. Also, to see how far they have come as a couple; Magnus’ hesitant behaviour in the flashback in contrast to how affectionate and comfortable they are with each other now.

It also shows that they trusted each other almost immediately; despite not knowing why they knew that the other could be trusted. I think that, that also helps show just how much Alec’s lie hurt Magnus; even before they really knew each other they trusted each other, now after dating and falling in love Alec has betrayed that trust. I really liked this little moment, an insight into their relationship prior to their romantic involvement.

When Magnus comes out of the flashback the rose (given to him by the Seelie Queen, when it turns black his time to decide is up) has already started to wilt. This shows that he is expected to make a huge decision about the future of his kind, and their relationship with the Shadowhunters as allies, in just a few hours. The Seelie Queen is forcing him to make a rash decision while in a hurt and betrayed state of mind.

Luke finds Ollie and her girlfriend Sam at the Jade Wolf, it is clear the Ollie hasn’t let go of her suspicions of Luke and is still intent on investigating him; it leaves you to wonder if Raphael’s encanto worked fully.

Maia seems quite anxious about her first time supervising someone who is turning for the first time which is understandable, it is a big responsibility; not only does she have to keep them safe but she has to make sure that they don’t hurt anyone. I liked the effects used for Bat’s turning; they were very realistic and well done.

Sebastian tires to get Izzy to leave Max; at this point I am screaming at the TV for Izzy not to leave because it is obvious that if she does Sebastian is probably going to try to kill Max. Luckily, Maryse and Robert show up; unfortunately the only thing that will save Max is a dangerous procedure carried out by the Silent Brothers, most Shadowhunters don’t survive it. Seb leaves the room with a smirk on his face; it’s clear that he doesn’t care about the consequences of what he does, his priority is keeping his identify a secret. He wants Max dead to keep himself safe and he doesn’t care about the ramifications for the Lightwoods of that.

It kills me that Magnus is holding the omamori during the next flashback, he loves Alec so much and he is important to him; he doesn’t want to let go of Alec. We flashback to 2x07 and it is glorious! It’s their first time and it is so real and wonderful; Alec stumbling, they are smiling and laughing. It is so genuine; Alec’s desire and hunger, Magnus’ playfulness and joy at being able to be intimate with Alec. I adore that Alec smiles when he see that Magnus is smiling, like Magnus’ happiness is infectious and Alec cannot help but smile in return.

I love the exchange after Magnus throws Alec on the bed; ‘That was graceful’ ‘Shadowhunter’. It shows that sex is supposed to be relaxed and fun, that you can smile, laugh and joke in an intimate situation. That is a true mark of them being completely comfortable with each other. I love that Alec pulls Magnus back into a kiss, showing his passion and desire; he never thought he would be able to have this, to be intimate with another man. Now he is with a man that he cares about, who cares about him, and he wants to experience everything that he always denied himself; to enjoy every aspect of their relationship and show Magnus just how much he cares for and desires him.

I adore how it was shot, showing Magnus’ necklaces dragging along Alec’s neck, Alec leaning into Magnus, Magnus running his fingers through Alec’s hair and Alec’s lifting Magnus’ shirt. It captures their desire and passion without making it feel fake; it is so beautiful, made more so by the great use of slow motion. I also really love the song they used here, it’s called ‘Wide Eyed’ by Billy Lockett and I am addicted to it.

I cried during the cat eye’s moment; it was so beautiful, everything I had imagined, hoped for and more. Magnus has always been self-conscious about his demon mark and was so nervous to show it to Alec, a man he cares for, who he opened his heart for but is also a Shadowhunter who is taught to hunt demons. I started crying as soon as that small smile graced Alec’s face, the complete acceptance, fascination and affection he portrayed was breath taking. The line ‘They’re beautiful, you’re beautiful’ absolutely slayed me because in Magnus’ long life I bet that no one has every called his eyes beautiful. The relief and affection in his gaze shows just how much he appreciated Alec’s reaction; I think that this was probably the moment that Magnus knew he was falling in love with Alec, or that he already was in love with him.

Another little thing I (and others) noticed and I would love to know if Harry did it intentionally, is that after Alec calls him beautiful Magnus slowly blinks at him; in cats a slow blink is the equivalent of ‘I love you’. It was a great little touch and I would love to know if Harry made the decision consciously or if it was just his reaction to the scene. I cannot praise Matt and Harry enough for this scene, it was so genuine and beautiful; one of the most realistic and perfect ‘sex’ scenes I have ever seen.

Magnus is brought out of his memory by Alec knocking at his door, asking him for help with Max. Initially Magnus goes to shut Alec out, which is understandable as he is hurt, confused and right now needs to concentrate on making his decision for the Seelie Queen. But when he hears that it’s about Max he can’t shut Alec out because no matter how hurt Magnus is or how strained his relationship with Alec is, he would never let a child suffer, and that just makes me love him more.

We get yet another example of Sebastian’s ruthlessness when he threatens to hurt an Elite Guard’s wife and child just to get the location of the mirror. He is willing to do anything, hurt anyone to get what he wants; he is a very interesting character none the less because you sort of understand why he is that way. He was experimented on, tortured for ten years and has never been taught love or compassion.

Luke finds Russell in a warehouse with a large pack who are presumably mostly mundanes that he has turned, like he did to Bat; he challenges Luke to a fight for pack leader. I really liked the fight scene, it’s not often that we get a fist fight (I think the only other ones were Jace and Alec in 1x09, then Val and Luke in 2x14). It was really well choreographed and it is fantastic to see Luke being a badass pack leader. He wins the fight but shows mercy by not killing Russell, proving to them all that he is a firm but fair leader worthy of their support and loyalty.

Maia tells Simon the story of how she was turned, by her ex-boyfriend Jordan. It is an absolutely brilliant performance by Alisha that made me cry, the agony and sadness she portrayed was heartbreaking. Especially the line ‘this is what love got me’ it makes you understand Maia’s initial reluctance to date Simon; she was scared to get close to someone again because last time ended in tragedy.  I always love to learn more about Maia and I really want to punch Jordan; Season 3 will be very interesting because I am sure I read that they are introducing Jordan next season.

Seb heads to the elevator after finding out the location of the mirror but is beaten by Jace, who is going to guard the mirror; they were both trained by Valentine so Jace knows that he is their best bet at beating Jonathan. Sebastian clearly isn’t ready to reveal his identity yet, so is forced to back off and figure out something else. The only thing that confused me in this scene is that only the Elite Guards were supposed to know the location of the mirror, yet Jace knows where he needs to be to guard it. My only guess is that he, and Alec, knew where in the Institute it was being kept but not which person it was being hidden behind.

Magnus confirms that Max’s only hope is Brother Enoch; Alec is in denial, he knows how dangerous the procedure is and is scared of losing his brother, he doesn’t want to accept that this is the only way to help him. Maryse steps in, reassuring him and making it clear that if Brother Enoch doesn’t begin now Max may die; Alec relents. Magnus takes one of Alec’s hands in both of his to comfort him, but you can see the slight hesitance in his movements, unsure if his gesture would be welcome; and it breaks my heart.

We are flash-backed to the morning after their first time; Alec jokes about leaving for the Institute, it is so wonderful to see this more playful, happy side of Alec that we don’t get to see very often. It is a testament to how relaxed and at ease he feels with Magnus, their smiles are so happy and genuine; it’s beautiful. Alec asks Magnus about his fears; he wants to get to know Magnus more; he knows how old, experienced and powerful Magnus is, he is curious to find out what scares him. I love Magnus’ deflection of ‘acid wash jeans’, he is still nervous about opening up and has a hard time admitting what scares him, it makes him feel vulnerable.

Magnus tells Alec that the key to having no fear is to have nothing to lose, and that, that is probably why he hasn’t opened his heart for almost 100 years. Magnus is scared of losing people, of being lonely; he closed himself off to try to protect himself from that. Alec changed that, he was drawn to Alec and he made Magnus feel again, made him want to fight for love whereas before he hid from it. I love Alec’s smile, he realises how much he has changed Magnus just as Magnus has changed him, Magnus opened himself up to fear and pain so that he could love Alec. Alec initiates their hand holding, wanting to have contact with him and enjoy the moment.

Magnus comes out of his memory to Alec pulling his hand out of Magnus’ to go sit with his family, Magnus stands apart from them; even now he feels separate from them, from Alec. I love the use of slow motion again as Alec pulls away and I really feel that it was a symbolistic moment, foreshadowing Magnus pulling away from Alec later. Alec’s first priority is his family and his people which very rarely clashes with his feelings for and relationship with Magnus. I believe that this moment that Magnus decides that he needs to prioritise his people, his family (we know that the Downworlders he take under his wing, like Raphael, are his family) and unfortunately right now that clashes with his feelings for and relationship with Alec.

Jace receives a text from Alec saying that they have lost Max, he leaves to go to medical; as he exits the elevator Seb enters it and it becomes clear that the text was a decoy sent by Seb to get Jace out of the way. He needed Jace out of the way, not only to protect his identity but to make it easier to retrieve the mirror. It was a good fight scene and clear that Seb enjoys the violence, I expected a bit more of a fight from the ‘Elite’ Guards (the last one dropped his sword!) but Seb was trained by Val so I’ll let it go.

Clary is using Electrum (from Izzy’s whip) to screen people who wish to leave; in Valentine’s journal he wrote that Electrum would burn through Jonathan’s skin and cause extreme pain. Sebastian asks Clary what she would do if she caught Jonathan, she replies that she would kill him for what he did to Elliot, Dot (what the fuck happened to Dot?!) and Max; which is completely understandable. She hoped that he had enough humanity left to be worth saving, but he has proven that he is willing to hurt and kill whoever he needs to and she can’t let him get away with hurting those she cares for.

After reaching Alec Jace figures out that Jonathan tricked him and Alec raises the alarm, with his phone? This confused me because how did Seb send a text from Alec if Alec had his phone on him? Did he clone Alec’s phone? I did wonder if he sent an email, not text, which could be done from any of the Institute computers if he knew Alec’s password or could hack it; but no, it was a text. So I’m confused and it would be nice if this was explained at some point, but I’m willing to overlook it in the long run.

I love that Alec leaves to protect the Institute and find Jonathan; and Magnus goes into Max’s room to protect him. Magnus knows that Jonathan may come back to tie up loose ends and wants to protect Max; plus he probably knows that is he is there to protect Max Alec will be able to concentrate on Jonathan instead of worrying.

Clary is suspicious when Sebastian gives her back the Electrum after holding it (I’m not sure if she saw blood on it or something) so she catches up to him and reveals his burnt hand. She stabs him, determined to try to incapacitate him and prevent him from leaving. He chokes her and seems extremely upset at her reaction, he has been pinning all his hopes for love, affection and acceptance on her and now that hope has been shattered; his only goal now is helping Valentine. Clary manages to retrieve the mirror and escape him, and he flees the Institute.

Maia tells Simon that he doesn’t have to stay to help her with Bat but he stays, her story or Bat turning hasn’t scared him off. He wants to show that he isn’t going to give up on her, he knows of the horror stories Downworlders often have and that isn’t going to deter him from being with her. They kiss and it is wonderful, their smiles are so cute; it is such a sweet moment and they both deserve some happiness, I just hope it lasts. Simon’s fumbling with the key for the boathouse is completely adorable.

The boathouse is trashed and Bat is terrified of what is happening to him; Maia reassures him that he isn’t alone. She knows how scary the first change and adjusting to life as a wolf is; she wants him to know that he doesn’t have to and won’t go through it alone, they are there to help him.

When Alec returns to Max’s room Magnus moves so that Alec can take his place but he never looks at Alec, like he can’t look him in the eye’s right now. He feels out of place, like he doesn’t belong there, he knows that he has to distance himself from Alec which is why he is avoiding him. Max is fine so Magnus leaves, I love that Maryse is smiling at him it shows great character development for her; she accepts how important he is to Alec and is beginning to realise how much he helps them. Alec doesn’t move to go after Magnus; Izzy gives him a look that clearly says ‘really, go talk to him you idiot’ to which he nods and follows after Magnus. She can see that things are strained between them right now and that Alec needs to apologise if they are to fix things.

Magnus is looking at his rose which is almost completely black which means his time is up after only a few hours. Alec thanks Magnus for being there, he was grasping at straws that Magnus would be able to help Max; I think that really he just wanted Magnus there, finding comfort in his presence. As Magnus turns to leave Alec blurts out an apology, he knows that he should have told Magnus about the Sword and hates that he has broken Magnus’ trust and hurt him.

I start tearing up at Alec’s line ‘but you and me, we always seem to find our way back to each other’ because it’s true, in the past no matter what issues they faced they had overcome them and come out of it stronger. Alec tells Magnus he loves him, he is desperate to show Magnus his remorse, to show Magnus he loves him and doesn’t want his lie to break them; he cannot bear the thought that his stupid mistake could be the end for them. Magnus cups Alec’s face and says ‘I love you too’; Alec leans into Magnus’ hand and closes his eyes, taking comfort and solace in the touch.

When Magnus returns his affection you can see his hope that, that means they’ll be okay; then his face falls at the word ‘but’. Magnus knows that right now he needs to protect his people from Valentine but his feelings for Alec are preventing him from making unbiased decisions. The panic in Alec’s face as Magnus talks is utterly heartbreaking; he doesn’t want to believe that this is happening. The small ‘No, no’ he utters shatters my heart because he knows where the conversation is headed and is desperate for it to stop, he doesn’t want to lose Magnus.

‘I can’t have both’ Magnus decides that for now he needs to let go of Alec so that he can concentrate on protecting his people, to avoid another massacre. Alec’s voice breaks as he says ‘Yes you can, we can. We can figure this out’ he is panicking, is trying to get Magnus to make eye contact and convince Magnus that he doesn’t have to do this. He doesn’t want his mistake to drive Magnus away, to be a reason why Magnus leaves; he loves Magnus and cannot bear the thought of him walking away.

Magnus can barely look in Alec’s eyes because he knows that if he does he may change his mind, he hates seeing Alec in pain and to be the one who has caused that pain is killing him. ‘You once asked me what I was afraid of ... It’s this’ Magnus is terrified of losing people and now he is losing Alec because of his duty to his people. He has to let go of Alec to protect his people and it’s killing him.

You can see Alec’s heart breaking as Magnus walks away, he can barely breathe under the weight of pain he is under right now to see the man he loves walk away from him. This is the closest we have ever seen Alec to crying which is a testament to how much he loves Magnus, how much the situation hurts and how much it is affecting him. I am literally sobbing by now, their acting in this scene is so beautiful; they always nail the emotional scenes, and huge kudos to Matt because seeing how close Alec was to breaking down, to cry, literally broke my soul.

I just want to talk about my interpretation of why Magnus made this decision because I have seen that a few people have been saying that he is overreacting and that he should be used to people lying to him because of how old he is. Which is utter bullshit; just because he has lived a long time doesn’t mean he should have to endure people lying to him and that he isn’t entitled to feel hurt when someone he trusts lies to him.

For Magnus the situations with the Clave have continued to build; the centuries of lying and prejudice against Downworlders; the body swap and torture he endured, which I don’t think they even apologised for; refusing to execute Valentine even after that, and everything else he has done; the DNA testing (which Alec participated in); the trackers; and they lied to everyone about the Soul Sword, a weapon that was used to kill hundreds of Downworlders and Valentine intended to use to wipe out all Downworlders.

Magnus cannot trust the Clave to really help them if they need it, and although Alec may not always agree with the Clave he is bound to them and has shown that he is willing to follow their orders even against his own gut feeling. So, Magnus feels that he needs to distance himself of the Clave and Shadowhunters in order to protect his people, his family, to the best of his abilities.

Magnus is still feeling very hurt, betrayed and angry about Alec lying to him especially after baring his heart and soul to him; and after Alec promised a policy of transparency with the Downworld Cabinet. Also, in show timeline their fight was only last night so it is still incredibly fresh.

He always trusted Alec to be honest with him, told him things he had never told anyone; opened his heart for the first time in 100 hundred years to let Alec in. So having Alec betray his trust, especially to hide something that big, it has severely hurt him; he never expected Alec to lie to him, to hurt him like this.

I am not saying anything against Alec, as I said in my last review I understand why Alec felt that he needed to keep it a secret. I am merely explaining why Magnus is so hurt and makes the decision to let go of Alec, at least for now. In the show timeline it has been less than 24 hours since he found out that Alec lied to him, so it is understandable that he is still feeling very hurt. It is very fresh and he is being forced to make a very important decision, in only a few hours, while he isn’t in the best frame of mind.

Luke welcomes the new pack members, and old ones back; he knows that they need to be united for the war with Valentine ahead. They need to be able to rely on and trust each other in order to protect each other and survive. Maia is looking after Bat, reassuring him and integrating him into their way of life; I am excited to see what role he is going to play in future episodes. We see that a camera has been planted in the Jade Wolf and someone is spying on them; which turns out to be Ollie and Sam. ‘You believe me now?’ It is clear that Raphael’s encanto didn’t work, at least not completely; it will be very interesting to see why.

Izzy feels extremely guilty for being the one to bring Sebastian into the Institute, for trusting him so readily; Alec reassures her, they all trust him and brought him further into their lives. What I (and others) noticed is that Alec is not in his usual hands behind his back relaxed stance. Even when he is comforting Izzy he keeps one arm wrapped around his middle in a self comforting gesture; then moves to cross both of his arms across his chest. His whole body language in this scene says defensive, self-protecting and comforting; it is clear that he is very affected by Magnus leaving and is trying to keep his emotions in. He can’t fall apart right now with everything that’s going on.

Clary figures out that the mirror they had, which turned to dust why she tried to nullify it, was a decoy; Izzy inputs that it was to distract people from finding the real one. This makes a lot of sense, using a fake to distract people from the real mirror in order to keep it safe.

Clary then realises that the mirror is Lake Lyn, the visions she was having in the lake was showing her reflections in the water; a reflection of herself and a reflection of the Soul Sword. I am very interested to see how this is going to play out; are they going to tell anyone? Tell the Downworld Cabinet to prevent a blow up like what happened with the Sword secret? How are they going to protect a whole lake from Valentine? I am getting so excited for these last two episodes.

This is an absolutely amazing episode; I loved all the Malec scenes even though they did break my heart; I loved seeing Luke being a badass; and I loved learning more about Maia. I am very excited and anxious for what these last two episodes hold; I NEED Malec to get back together before the season finishes, I don’t think I can survive six months with them being apart. I am so scared because someone is going to die! Probably more than one person! And I am not ready for the heartbreak that is probably coming!

On a positive note though, some fans are speculating that they are going to bring the Alliance Rune into the last episodes; and I know that in the books Magnus and Alec use this rune. So I am very excited to see if these speculations come true.

[inthegardensofourminds]

I posted 814 times in 2021

122 posts created (15%)

692 posts reblogged (85%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 5.7 posts.

I added 791 tags in 2021

#side swept i've fallen for queue - 294 posts

#i found this amusing - 185 posts

#nice - 75 posts

#murdoch mysteries - 43 posts

#eurovision 2021 - 41 posts

#daði freyr - 37 posts

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Longest Tag: 140 characters

#unfortunately i don't think reblogging this is going to get the information to the people who need it but i still think it's good informatio

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I was very good at being a child. I’m suited to have no real responsibility. I also liked the other parts of childhood, like the part about not having to make money. That was fabulous.

Fran Lebowitz

50 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 17:00:55 GMT

#4

first listen: This song is kind of dated and cheesy

third listen: NOOOOOooooo! I’m a I’m a fallen angeeeeellll!

52 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 13:27:53 GMT

#3

Holy f-cking sh-t!

I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing, but ARE WE GETTING A LESBIAN BAR SCENE???!?!? I really hope Susie is going to be there. I hope Midge will be there, too.

77 notes • Posted 2021-03-28 22:46:34 GMT

#2

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A post shared by Rachel Brosnahan (@rachelbrosnahan)

Season 4 is happening, people!!!!!

80 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 15:04:58 GMT

#1

I just let out a wonderful gay gasp because I opened Instagram and the first post I saw was Hannah Gadsby talking about her wife. HANNAH GADSBY HAS A WIFE!!!

102 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 14:25:57 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[jeremyau]

There’s No Magic in Venture-Backed Home Care

HomeHero hangs up its cape, pivoting new direction.

In September, 2016 my family held funeral proceedings in Los Angeles to say goodbye to my grandmother, Flavor Bell Booker, who was only a few weeks away from her 99th birthday. Until that time, she was our first and longest-standing client, dating back to 2013 when HomeHero was nothing more than a paper checklist of screening requirements for the mixed bag of caregivers my dad would find on Craigslist. But today, in what seems like the most bizarre strokes of fate, it brings me great sadness to announce that Flavor will also be one of our last clients at HomeHero.

Almost exactly one year ago, HomeHero lost its core identity when we were effectively forced to terminate our working relationships with 95% of our 1099 caregivers and required to adopt an inferior employment business model. In the process, HomeHero also lost a majority of its competitive differentiators in price, speed and scalability that allowed us to be so disruptive in 2014 and 2015, and it had nothing to do with competition.

HomeHero, for the better half of the last year, has been caught in one of the toughest dilemmas a startup can be in: to A) keep building an “evolutionary business”, or B) hit the reset button and use the remaining capital to take a swing at building the “revolutionary business”.

While this may come as a surprise to a lot of people, today we are announcing that HomeHero has decided to cease all operations and remove itself entirely from the industry of home care to focus on a new healthcare venture. This article should help people understand the forces that led us to this decision.

Early Days

When we started HomeHero in 2013 our vision was very ambitious — to build the fastest, most affordable way to find quality in-home care, and disrupt the $30 billion home care market. For many years I watched with shock and sadness the struggles my father went through finding reliable caregivers for my grandmother in Seattle. So I decided to dedicate my life to fixing one of the biggest (and hardest) problems facing our generation today. For me, HomeHero has always been very personal.

Coming into HomeHero, my cofounder (Mike Townsend) and I had a taste of success and failure in startups. Mike founded a web-based point-of-sale company called ZingCheckout in 2012 that I joined and left before it was acquired by BigCommerce ahead of their IPO. After that, we started a mobile ordering and payments company together called Flowtab, where we made it a lot further on $100k than I ever thought possible in San Francisco. But we knew healthcare would be a lot harder than anything we did before.

Science Incubation

In May 2013, Mike and I packed everything we owned into a small sedan and we moved from San Francisco to Santa Monica for an opportunity to work with Mike Jones at Science, one of the top incubators in Los Angeles. We had the vision to tackle a big problem in the home care industry and Jones was crazy enough to do it with us. As you may know, home care is a large and fragmented industry with over 25,000 franchises nationwide. We saw agencies as being grossly inefficient, as evidenced by caregivers only taking home 40% of the hourly rates paid by families.

It felt inevitable that a company would introduce a disruptive technology model to improve access to affordable home care. We even published an article “10 reasons a marketplace for senior care is inevitable”, citing other factors such as highly-recurring needs, high number of unhappy caregivers and lack of trust and quality.

Marketplace Model

We launched with a workforce of vetted independent contractor (1099) caregivers, who we endearingly referred to as “Heroes”. We created a more user-friendly client intake flow, equipped with beautiful online profiles. Our marketplace grew quickly due to our lower prices and our ability to match caregivers with clients so quickly.

We protected the marketplace by offering the support of a care management team, the personalization of profiles with photos and video interviews, a robust algorithm to control matching and dispatching, lengthy reviews from past clients, and a rating system to ensure quality. We were bringing transparency to a market that was notorious for lack thereof.

Scaling Friction

By the Summer of 2015, we had onboarded over 1,200 Heroes, provided care to a few hundred clients and we expanded to Orange County, San Diego and San Francisco (and the entire Bay Area). In June 2015, we raised a $20 million Series A, bringing total funding to $23 million.

HomeHero had distinct advantages of geographic coverage.

One distinct advantage of HomeHero was our ability to expand to different geographies quickly, whereas most agencies could only keep a 10–15% buffer on supply above their expected billable hours. Still, while our new markets showed early signs of growth via online acquisition, we found ourselves competing with local home care agencies who were staffing experienced teams of field marketers whose primary purpose was to grow leads and coordinate discharges of patients from acute care facilities — such as hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, senior centers and outpatient facilities. They were willing to drive across town to meet a family, bring them coffee and pastries, conduct a free home safety inspection and a two-hour consultation.

We were very reluctant to add the additional headcount, but we realized the best way to win the highest net worth clients (spending over $3k per month) was not to build faster and fancier technology, but to engage in the hand-holding and spend long hours with the family. Friction builds trust.

The 1099 independent contractor model, below, is very attractive as it removes excess cost and restrictions for employers. We were charging clients 30–40% less than industry average, and we were paying caregivers 25% higher than industry average. Both sides were winning. Our first million dollars in revenue in Los Angeles came mostly through SEO, SEM and light marketing efforts from part-time brand ambassadors.

Regulatory Challenges

On Oct 15th 2015, the entire home care industry got rocked. The Department of Labor upheld a federal ruling stating that over 2 million home care workers would qualify for the Fair Labor Standards Act —essentially requiring all home care workers to be treated as W-2 employees and receive overtime benefits. This was viewed as a huge win by the controversial and outspoken labor union SEIU, as well as the “Fight for $15” crowd in California.

This ruling would immediately and sharply increase home care prices — especially for live-in rates — and eventually cause hundreds of domestic referral home care agencies to shut down.

The biggest implication of the ruling was that the DOL removed the caregiver overtime exemption for all home care workers — mandating that all caregivers must be paid overtime. While the intentions were likely positive, the result was immediately negative for every party involved.

In a survey we conducted internally, the cost for live-in/24-hour care doubled from $250 to $550 per day average in Los Angeles, pushing the price above a skilled nursing facility on a per day basis.

Families were forced to reduce caregiver hours or fire their agency completely (and go under the table).

Hundreds of thousands of caregivers who were unable or unwilling to be employed as W-2 workers were either removed from their families or let go by their domestic referral agency.

Seniors struggled with “continuity of care” issues as agencies started rotating multiple caregivers in and out of houses throughout the day to avoid overtime costs. This had an especially negative impact on Alzheimer’s and dementia patients.

The additional rotations in shifts increased gas, parking and transportation costs and added a layer of complexity to scheduling.

Caregivers saw their working hours and income reduced, seniors weren’t able to get the 24/7 care they needed, and home care agencies saw a significant a decline in revenue from live-ins.

By the end of 2016, the nation’s largest 1099 home care agency, Griswold Home Care, closed down most of its California locations.

I’ve heard this ruling described by industry veterans as the “death of the live-in care”, a classic example of regulation having huge unforeseen consequences on the same people it’s intended to protect.

Shift to Enterprise

This court ruling put a huge target on our backs, especially with prominent agencies like Griswold Home Care closing all California operations. We also acknowledged the growing threat of class action lawsuits (similar to what Handy faced). The independent contractor model was under attack and we felt intense pressure to change.

From any angle, the W-2 model is not very attractive. The switch to W-2 would increase our caregiver onboarding costs by 10X. The additional costs of payroll taxes, overtime, paid sick leave, minimum wage regulations, benefits and health insurance, unemployment tax, workers comp insurance, and potential for lawsuits in a highly litigious industry put us in heavy handcuffs. We would also be forced to implement a 4-hour minimum and raise our prices by 32% — much closer to industry average.

This was the same model we had been publicly shaming for almost three years, but we really didn’t have any other choice. According to Federal law, these caregivers had to be employed by someone.

The only way the W-2 model is profitable is at a price point of $25–30 per hour (industry average).

Making the model even less attractive, in mid-March 2016, California legislators moved toward an agreement with labor unions to gradually increase the statewide minimum wage until it reached $15 in 2022, meaning our prices would have to increase $1 per year over the same period. If our goal was to make home care more affordable to families, we were headed in the wrong direction.

The silver lining was that moving to a W2 model would finally give us the opportunity to contract with enterprise health systems — who were mostly blocked from working with us due to the 1099 contractor relationship.

In spite of the added costs, in March 2016 we launched our enterprise initiative and declared that we were moving our Heroes from 1099 to W-2 and becoming a HIPAA-compliant, state licensed home care agency.

We hired a Chief Medical Officer, Chief Nursing Officer, Patient Safety Advocate and named a HIPAA Security Officer. We hired an ex-Cambia healthcare investor as VP of Strategy, Kiel Dowlin, to help navigate the transition and assemble an impressive advisory board (including ex-hospital CEO and “healthcare futurist” Josh Luke). We partnered with one of the world’s leading experts in readmission prevention, Andrey Ostrovsky, MD (who later went on to become the Chief Medical Officer of Medicaid) and started building our own predictive insights algorithm to help predict and prevent adverse events in the home.

We now had the ability to manage and train our Heroes, although practically this didn’t change much. More importantly, we could now get paid directly from hospitals and other risk-bearing entities.

For anyone outside of healthcare, a major goal of the Affordable Care Act was to reduce readmissions and the overall costs of post-acute care. One way of doing that was to change the way hospitals got paid by Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS). Instead of paying them on a volume basis (fee-for-service), CMS is now paying them based on the quality of care they deliver to patients (fee-for-value).

This created enormous opportunities for companies like HomeHero to partner with hospitals and help them find more cost-effective options for post-acute care and reduce their reliance on skilled nursing facilities and medical home health. We doubled down on the belief that the big winner in this space would be the one who could win the largest contracts with hospitals and health systems.

Hospital Education

In April 2016, we joined the Cedars-Sinai Healthcare Accelerator (in partnership with Techstars) to learn from the top minds in healthcare about the operations and inner-workings of a world-renowned hospital. Cedars-Sinai, the largest non-profit academic medical center in the western United States, helped us launch the Safe Transition Home program to provide safe transitions out of the hospital and they worked with us to build evidence-based home care products for health systems.

Thanks to its adoption of the HomeHero iOS app, Cedars-Sinai became the nation’s first hospital system to successfully integrate with Apple’s CareKit platform and extend their healthcare system into the home.

One thing we learned about enterprise was that our growth would be somewhat limited due to the lack of financial incentive for certain health systems across the country to pay for non-medical home care, especially if they are only at-risk for a few thousand patients.

We also faced challenges in the mandated screening requirements for our caregivers — such as measles, mumps, rubella, TB, Live Scan fingerprinting, state registration fees, state mandated training and drug screening.

Nevertheless, the education and mentorship we gained from the accelerator program proved to be invaluable. We met with hundreds of executives at large health systems and payors and we were able to successfully define larger pilot opportunities.

We made incredible progress in a very short period of time, and in October 2016 we were chosen to lead a ~$1 million pilot opportunity with a large health system in Southeastern Michigan.

This was an exciting opportunity, but we had one important decision to make… and perhaps, the biggest decision of our lives.

Pilots ≠ Contracts

One danger working with large health systems on pilots is being dragged out in the middle of an ocean and abandoned.

The seemingly logical thing to do after winning a pilot of this size is to ramp up spend, start hiring in the new city and design technology sprints to support the new contract. However, it became evident that this particular health system, like many others we were talking to, had a genuine desire to conduct pilots to prove the actuarial value of home care, but there was no long term financial incentive to pay for home care in the same capacity.

It became evident that most of our pilots were being constructed solely for case studies and had slim chances of turning into sustainable contracts. We were still going to be reliant on private pay for the foreseeable future. This gentle realization was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

So in Q1 2017, with significant capital left in the bank, we made the difficult and heart-wrenching decision to shut down all home care operations, transition our clients to local home care agencies and start executing on an entirely new business venture.

Simply put, despite serving thousands of patients since 2013, we do not believe a technology-enabled W-2 home care agency is our most attractive business opportunity going forward. Rather than continuing to push the boulder up the hill and risk a spectacular failure, we will attempt to leverage our talented team, unique experience and technology IP to build a more sustainable healthcare business outside of home care.

In Retrospect

Looking back, our three learnings were as follows:

1. We underestimated the timing, effects and intensity of state and federal regulatory changes in home care.

The only thing worse than losing a fight is being told you can’t even compete anymore. And there’s nothing more painful as a CEO than losing vision for your company, especially if you’ve been holding onto that vision for years.

2. We overestimated the ability for health systems and insurance companies to pay for non-medical home care.

We knew we were in for an uphill battle when we shifted our focus to enterprise contacts. The “what ifs” of this decision will likely haunt me for the rest of my life. Was there a way to avoid the W-2 agency model and pass along employment responsibilities to families and still ensure they comply with all state and federal laws? Could we have kept the 1099 model? Will the Republicans’ repeal and replace of Obamacare somehow result in more money being allocated for post-acute care? Most of these questions we will never know for sure.

3. We underestimated the ability for home care agencies to adopt new technology.

A majority of the 20,000 home care agencies are financially efficient, software enabled and have entrenched relationships within their local communities. While file cabinets are still popular, they are not sitting in the stone ages with technology.

Venture-Backed Home Care

From an outsider’s perspective, home care is a big and attractive market. As evidence, investors poured almost $200 million into various home care companies in the last 16 months. However, this is also an industry built on relationships at a hyper-local level, which isn’t exactly the M.O. of startups. And since 2013, the industry moved from lightly regulated to heavily regulated, making the economics challenging (if not untenable) for any company with huge growth expectations.

Source: Aging in Place Technology Watch (2017)

To break away with enough escape velocity in home care, a company needs to effectively leverage technology to deliver a faster and better experience at a drastically lower price. Currently, none of the venture-backed home care companies have been able to do that. Not one is price-disruptive.

In a recent interview with Home Health Care News, the CEO of one of the largest US home care franchises, Senior Helpers, chimed in on the state of “disruption” in the industry right now:

“In the last couple years you’ve seen Honor, Hometeam and HomeHero.

I’ve talked to all of them. I think everyone was worried that was going to be a big tech disruption that would change how home care is done. But I’ve seen they’ve all had to change their model. They’re now directly employing the caregivers. They’re still using tech to communicate with clients, but a lot of us were doing that already.

Now that Honor is converting itself to an employer model, they’re just like us. Maybe they’re using tech a little better than we are, and they might have some bells and whistles, but we feel confident that client acquisition is not an issue for us. We have great referral sources.

In this industry, you’re dealing with people on a community level, where 80% of your clients come from referrals and the rest from advertising or the internet. I think Honor’s a good company, I like the people managing it, but I look at them like I look at HomeInstead, Maxim or Bayada, just another competitor. I think Honor will do well over time, but they’re going to be just like us.”

As you can see, the incumbents are singing a different tune than taxi companies were in 2013 — three years after Uber‘s launch.

We spent the last three years keeping up with technology vendors like ClearCare in areas like scheduling, timesheet tracking, billing, reporting, analytics and readmission prevention. But what really set us apart was our price, massive geographic coverage of caregivers across 10,000 square miles, our 10-second matching speeds, caregiver video interviews, evidence-based predictive analytics, and most of all, our 1099 model. For obvious reasons, this was far more disruptive to the incumbents — we were offering the same quality caregivers for less than half the price.

It’s sad to say, but today only the very wealthy can afford home care prices of $25 per hour, which typically comes out to over $4,000 a month. Because home care is extremely fragmented, it’s the agencies who can establish long-lasting relationships and deliver highly-personalized experiences who ultimately win. It’s not a technology problem.

The Future of Home Care

Today, I would estimate 60% of transactions in the home care industry occur under the table, as caregivers are sourced through Craigslist, Care.com or within families and social networks. Home care agencies are left fighting for the top 40% of the market which can only be won by leveraging personal relationships and high-touch interactions — including field marketers, home safety auditors and care coordinators—all things that do not scale well for technology companies.

Because of this economic reality, it is our belief that the W-2 home care industry will remain hyper local and fragmented for the foreseeable future. This does not mean that home care is a bad industry to go into if you are looking for a rewarding lifestyle business, but don’t expect any massive scale beyond a few zip codes.

This announcement is by no means intended to be a death sentence to other venture-backed home care companies. I have the utmost respect for the founders of the other home care startups, and I definitely would’t bet against any of them. But Mike and I deeply believe families across the country need better access to affordable home care, and with increasing regulation and thriving B2B technology vendors, it would be irresponsible for us to continue down this path with unlikely probability of liquidation. We mustn’t assume big fundraising rounds are synonymous with market success, this is certainly not the case in home care.

What’s Next

It breaks our hearts to leave home care, as we still believe there needs to be better and significantly cheaper option for families to find quality home care. Unfortunately, we don’t see a path for HomeHero or any other current company to achieve that goal.

The good news is we are pulling out early enough, with significant cash remaining, so we can find a new path forward and continue our same mission of promoting health and wellness in the home.

We will share more details about our new strategy and venture within the coming months, but our goal is still to positively improve the lives of millions of patients.

The hardest part of this announcement is saying goodbye to not only our compassionate caregivers, but all the team members who I recruited and hand-picked. Many of them I convinced to leave their jobs, move across the country, and take time away from their families to fight this difficult battle with me and Mike. For over three years, they were our trusted team of soldiers who would bleed terracotta and follow us into a fireblaze in order to make HomeHero a success.

We will forever be thankful for your loyalty and sacrifices.

To all our family, friends, Heroes, patients, clients, partners, employees, investors and advisors who helped make HomeHero what it was over the past three years, we extend the most sincere gratitude. We are so proud of you and the progress we made together. Deep in my heart I know the world is a better place because HomeHero existed.

Get in touch: @kaleazy.

[hiddlesgirl]

SH 220: Beside Still Water

This finale was absolutely fantastic, just the right combination of storyline conclusion and cliff-hanger intrigue for the next season. It was action packed, emotional and so brilliantly acted by every single cast member; the script was great, it was shot beautifully and the editing was incredible. 2B has absolutely blown us out the water, such an amazing improvement from the first season and the few issues left over from 2A seem to have been almost completely ironed out. I am so excited for the third season and don’t want to have to wait until January; time can’t pass fast enough!

We begin with Jonathan washed up a beach, just barely alive; I am not surprised by his survival, I knew that watching his body sail down the river was not going to be the last time we saw him. He uses his blood to create a rift to Edom whiling saying ‘Mother’ before passing out. This is confusing because why would he be calling out to Jocelyn? Especially while opening a rift to Hell?

Simon and Luke arrive at Magnus’ to ask for his help in retrieving Maia from the Seelie Queen; Simon is very scared for Maia because he knows that he displeased and disrespected the Queen last time they spoke, and Maia may be paying the consequences of his actions. Luke is worried for the safety of his pack mate; he never trusted the Queen and is angry that she would target his friend.

Magnus denies them, at first this surprised me as he is very compassionate and likes Maia; in usual circumstances he would help them, but this isn’t usual circumstances. Upon thinking more about it I understand his decision, he can probably tell that things are starting to fall apart and doesn’t want to get overly involved. Also, he has a house full of warlocks that are under his protection and help maintain the wards around the city that are containing Valentine. His priority right now is his own people, he knows the Queen isn’t stupid enough to harm Maia; 1, because she would have to face the wrath of the New York pack and 2, it would be counterproductive to her objective to win over Simon. So although it may have seemed like a careless dismissal I think he is simply prioritising and doesn’t have the time to go to the Seelie Court when he is needed here.

The Queen questions Maia about Simon, alluding to their relationship; it is clear that the Queen wants to learn as much as possible, either out of interest or as manipulation ammunition, perhaps both. She may also be a little jealous of the close relationship between Maia and Simon, she is a very powerful and beautiful person yet Simon has shown no interest in her and has rebuffed her every offer; as we know she doesn’t deal well with rejection.

Maia Is becoming very agitated by the situation, she knows that her pack may in danger from Valentine and she wants to be out there with them, helping them; she hates having no control at the moment and having to sit on her hands.

Clary, Jace, Izzy and Alec are relieved that the wards around the city are still up as it means that Valentine cannot leave, meaning he cannot get to the mirror. Izzy says ‘Thank the Angel for Magnus and the warlocks’ she knows that without their wards they would be having a very difficult time finding Valentine in order to stop him. Alec replies ‘They didn’t do it for us.’ This makes me laugh because he is being a bit petty, it reminds me a salty season 1 Alec; he is hurting right now and is deflecting. It also hurts and annoys him that Magnus seems to wants nothing to do with them, or him, and makes the point of reminding everyone of that; if he has to face that fact then so do they.

Clary talks to Jace about Jonathan, she feels worse now that he is ‘dead’ because he was still her brother, her family; perhaps they only redeemable family member she had left. Jonathan was Valentine’s victim too and in the end his behaviour wasn’t entirely his fault; he was raised by Val for 10 years (and we know how bad a parent he is) and then spent the next 10 years in Edom being tortured. Jonathan and Jace have their similarities but at least Jace experienced family and love after his 10 years with Valentine, Jonathan only experienced loneliness and pain.

I love the aerial shots and the ‘hero’ shots of our favourite Shadowhunters as the run into the city to fight the wraith demon; I also love Izzy’s purple jacket (grabby hands!). Izzy comments that it isn’t like any other demon they have ever encountered which is definitely a bad thing. The effects of the demon are really good, as I have said it is worlds apart from Season 1. We get to see our favourite archer man be a badass, I love his line ‘Relax. I got this.’ He has grown tremendously in confidence in himself since season 1 and it is so fantastic to see that change in him. I knew it was too easy though when it exploded into four pieces, and was vindicated when a moment later those blobs turned into four smaller demons.

Simon and Luke arrive at the court and demand to see Maia; Luke is angry with her, asking why she is playing games when everyone else is trying to find Valentine who is a threat to their existence. You can see the Queen’s expression change into something sheepish (? Awkward, maybe) and she avoids eye contact with them; they figure out threat she made a deal with Valentine. I don’t believe that she wouldn’t have been able to keep her expression in check if she really wanted to hide that information from them. She just doesn’t seem to care about much else other than securing Simon’s alliance, which is a testament to how unique and perhaps powerful he is that she is putting this much effort and focus on him.

Luke is furious with her flippancy of the situation and says that he will tell the entire Shadow World of her betrayal, but she does not care which further solidifies my theory that she is solely focused on Simon. Luke leaves the court to inform the other Downworld leaders and to find Maia, Simon stays in the court as per the Queen’s request which instantly makes us suspicious.

Clary receives a call from Luke about the Queen’s deal with Valentine and they figure out that he must have bargained for passage to Idris. Alec and Izzy need to stay in New York to fight the demons; Alec has a responsibility as Head of the Institute to put them and the protection of the city first. Clary and Jace will go to Idris to warn the Shadowhunter camp, using one of her portals to bypass the wards. Alec says ‘be careful’ to Jace, to which he replies ‘when am I ever not careful’ which feels very foreboding, like famous last words.

Back at the Institute there are more than 50 demons on the sensors, Izzy tells Alec that they need a powerful warlock to close the rift; they need Magnus. Alec denies her, saying ‘he doesn’t want anything to do with me’ he is hurting over their break up and Magnus’ stand offish behaviour during 2x19. He is deflecting from his emotions, using annoyance and reluctance to see Magnus so that he doesn’t have to focus on how much he is hurting. There is a lot going on right now and he cannot afford to break down or show too much emotion, but the anger (created with the guilt he feels and the hurt because of Magnus’ cold treatment) he feels that he can use. His deflection and saltiness has always been an armour, a front he puts up to hide his true emotions (both he and Magnus do this, this is just the first time that it has been directed at each other since they began their romantic relationship).

Izzy, knowing how much they need Magnus for the mission, says that she will go ask him instead and moves to leave; but Alec stops her, and she smirks. She knows that Alec would want to be the one to tell Magnus about the Queen’s betrayal. Also, despite how much it hurts he still wants to be around Magnus, still hopes that when things settle they will be able to repair their relationship; she wants to help give them a push back towards each other.

Alec knocks on Magnus’ door; Magnus opens the door and pretends not to see Alec moving to close the door again which Alec stops with his hand. This moment makes me laugh every time because although it is quite petty it is extremely relatable, we have all done something similar, blanked someone. Magnus asks ‘What do you want Shadowhunter?’ refusing to refer to Alec by name, and although it hurts my Malec heart I understand it. That is probably exactly how he would address a Shadowhunter who he had no emotional attachment to. Plus how many times have we seen Magnus been referred to as ‘Warlock’, I can’t even remember how many times; even Clary, who didn’t grow up with Shadowhunters, called him ‘warlock’ when they first met and again while he was trying to heal Luke and help her remember things.

Magnus already knows about the Queen’s deal with Valentine, probably from Luke; he is disappointed but probably not surprised by her betrayal, he knows that she only really has her own interests at heart. He is tired of being betrayed, double crossed and lied to; which is causing him to become even more agitated. But this news doesn’t mean that he is going to immediately ally with the Shadowhunters again, he still does not trust the Clave to keep them safe from Valentine; he doesn’t trust them any more than he trusts the Queen.

When Alec tells him that Izzy located the rift he remarks ‘and you want me to seal it, what a surprise’ his annoyance and anger is justified because at least half of the time (if not more) when Alec comes to him it’s because they want or need Magnus’ help. The only time Jace or Clary approach him it’s because they want his help; with maybe a couple of exceptions, I can’t quite remember of the top of my head but I’m pretty sure that every time the visit him it’s because they want something. So I completely understand why he is annoyed, he feels like he is being used, a convenient tool; it would be nice to see future interactions between him and the Shadowhunters that don’t involve them wanting something from him.

Alec says that they need a warlock to seal a rift this severe, Magnus replies simply with ‘duh’ which always make me laugh. It is petty and salty but again so relatable, everyone does this; point proven is that it wasn’t a scripted line; it was improvised by Harry because it was a natural, unfiltered response that they decided to keep in.

Alec impresses that everyone is in danger because of these demons, he knows that no matter the situation Magnus is an extremely caring person and won’t let harm come to anyone if he can prevent it. Magnus agrees to seal the rift because it will save lives ‘not because of you or the Shadowhunters’ he needs to make the point that he is not being bias or doing this because Alec asked him to. With everything unravelling he feels like he need to stick to his guns and protect his people above all else; the whole reason he walked away from Alec was to prevent him being bias in his decision making.

Yes, Magnus is salty and petty in this scene but it is because he is still feeling a little hurt and betrayed, but also frustrated and angry. He is putting up a front, this is probably talk to and treat any other Shadowhunter that he was not friend with or emotionally attached to. Plus, we know that there are warlocks in Magnus apartment right now, who may be overhearing the conversation, he cannot let that mask slip in front of his people who trust him to make decisions to keep them safe.

As I said, both Alec and Magnus display similar behaviour and they know this about each other. So although it may sting for Alec to be on the receiving end of it I think that he doesn’t let it bother him too much because he knows why Magnus is behaving this way. Also, Alec is still feeling guilty for lying to him about the Soul Sword which tipped Magnus into feeling like he had to choose.

Clary and Jace arrive at the Shadowhunter Camp in Idris, explaining to Consul Malachi that Valentine is on his way to Lake Lyn. Immediately we become suspicious when Malachi is not surprised in the slightest and says that he is aware of Valentine’s movements; it is revealed that he is a Circle member and has been Valentine’s informant.

They are tied up in a tent; Jace is extremely angry because ever since he was young he had listened to Malachi preach about loyalty, but here he is betrayal all Shadowhunters by siding with their greatest enemy. Malachi is the leader of the entire Clave, so the Circle is deep seated not only the Shadowhunter community but the core of their society; he has ingrained followers everywhere and it is going to take a lot of work and effort to weed  out any remaining members (but hopefully they are either dead, surrendered or have run).

He is saving his own skin by siding with Valentine how wants to kill those Shadowhunter who oppose him; he is putting his own survival above the morals and virtues the Shadowhunters live by. He states that how could he stand in the way of the destruction of demons and Downworlders is a strong show of the ingrained prejudice in Shadowhunters. He is willing to let thousands of Downworlders die to save himself, their lives mean nothing to him.

Izzy tells Alec and Magnus that Imogen suspects that Malachi is working with Valentine because he left Alicante without a word, so hopefully they are working to investigate him and weed out any Circle members that may remain. Alec and Izzy want to go help Clary and Jace but they know that they need to close the rift first, to protect New York from the demons first.

Izzy tells Magnus that the demons are called Edomei; Magnus tells them that they are rare, intelligent and hunt in hoards. When you read Magnus’ lips (or turn the subtitles on when watching the episode on Netflix) they are actually saying Asmodei, and Edomei was dubbed in later. This could be a hint that they may be bringing Magnus’ father Asmodeus (if I have heard correctly via fics and tumblr) into season 3. I don’t know any other reason they would go back and dub over the footage unless the writers decided they wanted to bring Asmodeus into the show; because it must have been a decision made at a later date because they had to dub over instead of reshooting. By dubbing over they were trying to keep away from any hints or mention of him so that his appearance would be more of a surprise. Unfortunately for them, there are some very eagle eyed and through fans who caught them out.

Izzy, Alec and Magnus arrive at the beach and are confused by the lack of demons at the site; Alec says ‘let’s not stick around to find out’. Magnus rolls his eyes and moves to walk in front of Alec, I love this because it is subtle power move expecting others to move for him; he did it with Jace in 104 too. It’s going to take a lot of Magnus’ energy to close the rift, Alec asks if he’s going to be okay; he doesn’t want Magnus to get hurt, especially because he asked Magnus to help them. Magnus replies with ‘I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn’ he wasn’t given his position without reason, I doubt that we have seen his full power yet and he is making the point that they shouldn’t underestimate him.

A demon escapes before Magnus can fully begin the process of closing the rift, Magnus tells Alec to cover him while he seals the rift; despite everything Magnus is showing that he still trusts Alec to do his job and to keep him safe from harm. He has his back to the threat so he is completely trusting Alec with his well-being; it shows that he hasn’t completely lost trust in Alec, the only part of their trust that was damaged was his trust in Alec to be honest and not lie, he still trusts his ability and want to keep him safe.

Alec misses the demon and it begins chasing him, he knows that it is moving too fast for him to try to aim at it and hit it before it reaches them; so he runs. He is calling out to Magnus slightly panicked and urgent but not for himself, Magnus trusted him to keep him safe and Magnus has his back to the threat; he is trying to warm Magnus of the danger.

After Magnus kills the demon, Alec and Izzy kill subsequent smaller demons then turn to see Magnus collapse as the rift closes; Alec immediately runs to his side, calling his name in concern and touching Magnus’ back in a gesture of comfort for both of them; reassurance that he is there for Magnus, and to assure himself that Magnus is breathing and is okay. Despite their fights Alec still loves Magnus and the thought of being hurt or losing him is terrifying.

Magnus looks over his shoulder ‘You can’t get rid of me that easily’ he diffuses the tension of the situation, plus it is the first time since the break up that he has joked with Alec this way. He is realising his mistake in walking away from Alec (even though it was in mitigating and difficult circumstances), slowly thawing and changing his behaviour towards Alec.

Luke finds Maia in the Wander Woods (can I just say that the way he knocked out Meliorn was hilarious, yes Luke!) they are both visibly relieved to find each other; Luke because Maia seems to be unharmed, and Maia because it means that she will be able to get out of there. Simon and the Queen arrive; Simon is acting very shifty, avoiding eye contact with Luke and Maia, while the Queen is acting particularly self satisfied. She lets them leave; Luke is immediately suspicious as she always has a catch and is not willing to believe that she is letting them go out of kindness, which he believes her incapable of. The Queen says ‘why would there be a catch?’ quite smugly, the looks between her and Simon makes us very worried and suspicious. Before Luke can question her more Maia convinces him to drop it so that they can leave, she is desperate not only to leave the Queen’s realm and presence but she wants to get back to help her pack with Valentine. They all leave but we are definitely left with the impression that something happened between the Queen and Simon; I literally shouted at the screen ‘What the fuck did you do Simon?!’

Malachi is planning to execute Clary and Jace without Valentine’s knowledge or approval; I liked how this scene was shot and edited, again they demonstrated really good use of slow motion and close ups. Those closes ups made especially great with Clary’s emotional expressions and when we see Jace’s eyes turn gold (that is a great effect btw), he breaks his chains, released Clary and they fight their captures. Jace then kills Malachi fuelled by his feelings of hate and betrayal caused by the revelation that Malachi was a Circle member.

Jace and Clary arrive at the Lake before Valentine but their jubilation is short lived when Valentine stabs Jace in the heart while saying ‘I’m sorry son’ and despite everything he actually sounds remorseful. I really loved the used of close ups again as we really get to experience the emotion on Jace and Valentine’s faces; it felt like a really intimate moment.

Alec, at the Institute, gasps in pain and doubles over; Magnus calls him ‘Alexander’ and asks if he’s okay, his voice full of concern, he hates seeing Alec in pain. Izzy and Magnus both move closer to him, concerned and confused as to what is causing him distress; they are two of the people that love him most in this world and neither can stand seeing him hurting. Alec lifts his shirt to reveal his Parabatai rune burning, again another good little effect (I cannot praise the improvement in the effect since season 1 enough).

We flashback to Alec and Jace’s first meeting with music as the only sound; I think that it was really beautifully done, we had seen the scene before so there was no need for the audio and the music set it off in a wonderful way. In real time Alec calls out for Jace and doubles over in pain, Matt is making me cry by now because I cannot stand to see Alec is such pain. We flashback to the Parabatai ceremony, again with just music; then Alec falls to his knees unable to bear the pain. Magnus rushes to his side, he slips on the floor in his haste; I presume that this was a real slip as Harry moved but I am glad that they kept it in because it shows how urgent Magnus is, how quick his movements, in getting to Alec.

We flashback to 203 and the hug in 211 with just music; with Alec screaming in pain, both Izzy and Magnus beside him. I think that this whole scene was done beautifully, so full of not only Alec’s pain but with the emotional that their history carries; it is also reminiscent of the saying ‘life flashing before your eyes’. He can feel his Parabatai dying and so he is reliving some of the important moments between them, it was very clever and emotional.

Clary rushes to Jace’s side trying to reassure him, they are both crying; they hadn’t been able to explore their feelings for each other yet and now that opportunity was being ripped away from them. Clary has lost so many people and she cannot bare the reality that she may be losing Jace too; and Jace, for everything he has been through he wasn’t prepared to die this way.

Jace tells Clary he loves her, which was actually improvised by Dom; I think it was quite beautiful because Jace finds it hard to talk about his feelings but he knows that he needs to say it now before he loses the chance to; he needs her to know how he feels. Clary says ‘stay with me, please ... just look at me, just look at me’ and I am really sobbing now because I get completely caught up in Clary’s desperation, seriously Kat absolutely nailed that scene.

Alec is laid on the floor of the Institute panting from the exertion of the pain; Magnus is sat behind him with his hand on his shoulder offer what comfort he can, while Izzy sits by his side, they both want to be there for him but knowing that there is nothing they can do to help or fix what he is going through. As Alec watches his Parabatai rune disappear his away gives way (a devastating little touch) and says that he can’t feel Jace anymore ‘he’s dead’. The utter disbelief you see is devastating, Alec cannot believe that his brother is dead; his is in shock from the pain and unable to face the reality that Jace is gone. Matt was amazing in this scene, he is the one who started me crying; seriously we are amazing blesses with this fantastically talented cast.

Clary lets out a scream but for us it is silent and I think that it become even more powerful that way, we can see her agony and desperation; we don’t need to hear her cries to feel her pain. I think the silence was much more powerful than hearing her screaming, plus I really liked the song they chose for the scene, it felt right for the emotion. Clary sobbing for Jace to come back is extremely emotional, powerful and relatable for everyone who has ever lost someone they care about; you truly feel the pain she is experiencing.

Although I predicted that it was Jace who was going to die I found myself crying because of Alec and Clary’s reactions; and to be honest it did not register that Alec would feel Jace’s death, which sounds completely stupid. But every time I insisted to my mum that it was Jace who was going to die I never thought that Alec would have to feel it too, and seeing that was so painful. As I said, Matt and Kat were absolutely amazing in these scenes; and silencing Alec last shout and Clary’s scream made it even more powerful. It made a much bigger impact than if we had heard their cries; it was beautifully shot, acted and edited, it is one of my favourite scenes of the episode.

Valentine tries to apologise to Clary ‘the two of you together are too powerful’ you can hear something akin to remorse in his voice for causing her pain. Clary raises her head from Jace’s body and her face is contorted in rage (applause to Kat for this expression, it was brilliant) and she charges at him, wanting to hurt him as he has hurt her. Val punches her in the face which shocked me, it really shouldn’t have but I wasn’t expecting him to punch her, in the face no less.

When she wakes she is chained again, Valentine says that Jocelyn and Jace’s deaths were necessary scarifies, this is an example of his skewed views, he is so convinced that his agenda is so important and righteous that any action or consequence is justified. Clary insists that he has only ever loved himself, he denies it ‘then why have I kept you alive so long’. I think that in his own twisted way he does love her, as much as he is able to love; he is such an intricate and interesting character, despite his deplorable actions.

Valentine raises Raziel and the visual effects are absolutely stunning, it looks so beautiful; the body of the Angel and the golden aura and sparkles that surround him are just so pretty; it is worlds apart from season 1, and makes me excited for what they might have in store for us in the future. The look awe and rapture on Valentine’s face is almost startling, I think it the most expressive we have seen him; I cannot applaud Alan’s acting enough you really believed that he was seeing this beautiful, impossible, angelic being.

Alec, Magnus and Izzy arrive in Idris to see a beautiful glowing, sparkling golden sky (although to them it was terrifying because of what it meant); the angel has been risen. Alec turns to Magnus ‘you have to get to safety’; he doesn’t want to face losing Magnus, especially after just losing Jace. He experienced the terror of thinking that Magnus was dead at the hands of Val in 210 and he doesn’t want to experience that again; or face a world without Magnus in it. However, Magnus insists that they find Jace and Clary; he was never the sort of person to abandoned someone to save himself, he always puts other before himself (the whole break up was because he was putting his people’s needs before his own happiness, to be able to make unbiased decisions in their best interests).

Raziel tells Valentine that the destruction of the souled creatures of the Downworld and their own Nephilim is not Heaven’s wish (yes I did punch the air and yell ‘yes, suck it Val’) this proves that the angels hold no animosity towards the Downworld and wish them no harm. However, the spilling of blood will compel and action from Raziel, not matter what it may be.

Clary, finally free of her bindings, attacks Valentine before he can spill his blood into the water; I absolutely love their fight scene, it’s dirty and gritty. We don’t get many fist fights and they always do them so well, it was fantastic and the entire scene is one of my favourite scenes of the episode.

Valentine’s intention is to kill Clary because his goal is more important to him; he is entirely willing to kill his last child, his last blood relative to achieve that goal. His entire live has been building towards this moment, to the destruction of those he deems lesser; and even though he may love Clary in his own way his goal means much more to him than her life does.

Clary slashes his throat with his own knife, stabbing him four times (once for Jocelyn, once for Jonathan, once for Jace and once for herself; maybe I’m reading too much into it but whatever). The surprise on Val’s face is fantastic, he never expected her to turn that sort of violence on him; he completely underestimated her hate for him. She is getting revenge and justice for everything that Valentine has done (YAS QUEEN); she even gives him a small smirk as she watches his pain, he is finally getting what he deserves. However, she looks shocked by her own brutality and level of violence (so was I a bit) I doubt that she ever thought that she was capable of killing her own father so brutally. It was glorious to watch though.

Remembering Raziel she spills her own blood, vehemently saying she doesn’t want Downworlders to die; I love her, she always wants to protect people. Instead she asks him to bring Jace back from the dead, Raziel disappears (voiced by Anthony Head btw, awesome). Thankfully, Jace wakes up; Clary tells him that the angel brought him back, I think that their exchange is very sweet ‘You could’ve had anything else in the world and you chose me’ Jace has never experienced that sort of dedication and devotion before, that above everything and everyone else she chose to save him. Clary replies ‘I don’t want anything else in the world’ she could not bear to lose him permanently, especially because they had not had the chance to explore their feelings for each other yet.

Jace is immediately concerned of the consequences of his resurrection, Clary reassures him that it was a gift from the angel; but I am not so sure, ‘what’s dead should stay dead’ and as Rumpelstiltskin would say ‘all magic comes with a price’. They share a heartfelt, relieved kiss; both thankful that they are both okay.

Alec, Magnus and Izzy find them; they are clearly shocked that Jace is alive and Valentine dead. Alec is confused, he felt Jace die and watched their Parabatai rune fade from his skin; but at Jace’s suggestion he looks and finds his rune has reappeared. When he asks Jace how he is alive Jace lies ‘I don’t know’ which I do not condone, lies never go well for anyone in this universe; and he can trust the three of them to keep his secrets, I think that he is going to regret that decision.

They all look at Valentine and Alec remarks ‘It’s over’; you can see the realisation dawn on Magnus’ face that his people are no longer in danger from this mad man, they are safe now. A huge weight lifts from all their shoulders to know that their greatest enemy is dead, they are safe and the people they love are safe at last. We get a lovely Parabatai huge, you can see the utter relief on both of their faces, but Alec does seem a little confused still which is completely understandable; people don’t just rise from the grave. As the camera pans away you can see Izzy and Magnus hug (which I would have loved to have seen up close), I love these two and I really hope that we get to see more of their friendship in season 3.

At the Hunters Moon the Shadow World are throwing a party to celebrate the end of the threat they were all facing; Luke toasts them ‘To the Downworld, To the Shadowhunters’ I think that this is indicative that the ties between the Shadowhunters and the Downworld will be on the mend. I absolutely love the whole vibe of the scene and we get to see our favourites smiling, including Alec; which is always beautiful to see.

I absolutely adore the conversation between Izzy and Clary; they have always been there for each other and supported each other. You can see the love in Clary’s face when Izzy says ‘I’ve always wanted a sister’ while smiling at her; I adore these two and their bond. We get an equally lovely moment between Clary and Simon where hey re-establish their friendship; they mean so much to each other, too much to let the past get in the way of their future friendship. Their friendship is so wonderful to see and I am so happy that they have renewed it again.

I love the moment between Maia and Simon too, they are cute a great couple and they kiss is completely wonderful. Simon says that he needs to leave to see Raphael, so they hug and Simon leaves. However, he is definitely acting shifty and his interaction with both Clary and Maia felt a lot like goodbyes (seriously Simon what the fuck did you do). I liked the interaction between Maia and Jace; both complimenting the others’ relationship, any animosity they used to feel, and their moment in the alley, is behind them.

Alec approaches Magnus commenting that he looks like he has his energy back and I absolutely love Magnus’ home remedy for severe magic depletion of ‘a boiling hot bath, 8oz steak medium rare and plenty of these (drinks)’. The love struck expression on Alec’s face while Magnus is talking is so adorable and beautiful; they are in a relaxed place with people they know, Val is dead and Magnus is talking to him almost normally again, you can see the happiness he feels.

Alec asks Magnus is they can talk, his nervousness and determination are clear to see; he wants to talk things out and maybe fix their relationship but is scared too. Magnus agrees, he is anxious about what Alec is going to say, about opening himself to Alec again; but he knows that both Alec and their relationship is worth taking the risk.

Outside Alec takes a moment to prepare himself, taking deep breaths to collect him thoughts; he is so nervous about getting this conversation right but needs to try to mend this. Magnus hangs back when he meets him in the alley, he is nervous too; folding his arms over his chest in a defensive, closed off and self comforting gesture.

Alec apologises about the Soul Sword, he knows that he should have told Magnus; trusted him to keep it to himself and that it was wrong of him to take any decision made because of that information away from Magnus, who is a leader himself. He knows that he made a mistake and broke Magnus’ trust. Magnus tells him that it’s in the past, he knows that Alec is remorseful and that he has learnt from it; plus it is a null point now because they are all safe and Valentine is dead.

Alec says ‘ever since our... fights’ and it absolutely breaks my heart that he cannot even bring himself to call it a break up, denying it being that final; ‘I can’t think straight’ Magnus has become his rock and it hurt to be without him. The rift between them ever present in his thoughts, unable to think properly through the hurt and guilt, he felt a bit lost. Magnus replies ‘I can’t do anything without thinking of you’ he admits that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Alec; he had become such a bug part of his life that even when they weren’t together Alec was effecting him, he missed him. They are vulnerable, scared and hopeful.

Then Alec makes me sob by saying ‘I don’t think I can live without you’ he has lived both with and without Magnus and he knows which he prefers, he never wants to feel that alone again; he is so much happier with Magnus. Magnus seems taken aback by the conviction in Alec’s voice and the little shakes of his head, Magnus has probably never had anyone say anything like that to him before, have someone love him that much before.

They slowly move close to each other, like magnets or gravity they cannot stand to be physically apart. Magnus says that he thought he had to chose between Alec and the Downworld, between his love and his duty to his people, but he doesn’t; he can have both, he doesn’t have to sacrifice one for the other. Like Alec he just needs to adjust and learn to balance the two.

They continue to get closer; Magnus imitates Alec by saying a wise man once told him ‘relationships take effort’. Alec smiles and responds with ‘that’s an understatement’, they both have responsibilities and duties to their people; they hadn’t comprehended how much that could interfere with their personal live, but now they will learn and grow. They needed to overcome this hurdle in order for their relationship to grow and become stronger.

They both laugh breaking the tension of the moment, Alec looks so in awe and happy; he believed that he may never get to see Magnus smile or laugh with him like that ever again. Magnus steps closer, so there are less than a few steps between them, ‘you know what’s not an understatement’. They come together, Alec pulls Magnus closer to him by his waist, they kiss (YES, I am crying and grinning at this point); Magnus runs his hand up Alec’s arm to rest on his bicep.

They are both smiling, happy and relaxed when they break the kiss; you can see the difference in them both. Magnus says ‘I’m all into parties, but what do you say we get out of here?’ Alec smiles ‘Yeah, yes’ he is so happy and relieved that their conversation went well and that they are back together. They leave together, with their arms wrapped around each other wanting to keep physical contact now that they can after being without each other for a few days.

They want to have some time alone together, to reaffirm their relationship and to being mending their trust issues; it is not going to be an instant fix but they are happy that they are in a relationship again. They can bridge what little gap there is left between them and in the end this situation will make their bond, their love and their relationship even stronger (I LOVE THEM SO MUCH).

Clary questions why Jace lied to Alec about his resurrection, he replies that some things are better left unsaid; I wonder if he is also talking about saying ‘I love you’ to Clary because she hasn’t said it back. However, maybe with everything that happened and so fast, Jace dying, killing Valentine and Jace coming back it simply slipped her mind. Yes, it’s a bit thing to forget but she has had a harrowing few hours and you could forgive her forgetting those three words in the midst of it. She asks if something’s wrong because he is definitely acting a little off, he denies it and deflects by asking her to keep his resurrection a secret; she agrees and puts her hand on his shoulder, and I can’t really put a name to his reaction but it was definitely a weird reaction from him.

Luke interrupts their conversation by hugging Clary, he is laughing a definitely a little tipsy; he goes to hug Jace who denies him ‘wet dog’. Luke backs off laughing ‘I’m sticky’, Jace says ‘you are sticky’, Luke backs away but promises Jace that he’ll be back for him. It is a funny and lovely little moment between the three of them, to see the so relaxed, happy and carefree. Drunk Luke is everything!

Luke turns around to see the Ollie has crashed their private party and she does not look happy, he tries to get her to leave but to no avail. She is determined to question him; she has had enough of his strange behaviour and evasion, so she gets straight to the point ‘how long have you been a werewolf?’ Luke, understandably, looks shocked and the question seem to sober him up pretty quick. When Raphael performed encanto on her they only told her to forget Simon, they did not realise she was suspicious of Luke and was investigating him; which is why she was still following him.

Simon has gone back to the Seelie Court, the Queen sits on her throne very please with herself and smug. Simon says ‘for better or for worse’ to which the Queen replies ‘we are going to have so much fun together. And, oh God, Simon please do not tell me you agreed to marry her?! I understand if he did it to protect Maia, and the people he cares about, but I just hope he didn’t make such a binding a permanent deal with her.

Jace is outside the Hunters Moon and is visibly in a lot of pain, we presume that this is some sort of after effect from his resurrection, but what is causing it? Is it somehow related to his angel blood? Oh God, I need answers!

The last scene of the season (sobbing) is Jonathan’s body inside a cave with the Edomei, who we presume brought him there, the Edomei the fly into the ground. The accumulation of energy allows a woman to presumably pass to earth from Edom; she kneels beside Jonathan and says ‘I’m here now, son’ and I am screaming. This must have been why he opened the rift; he needed the Edomei in order for her to gain entrance to earth. I presumed that this must be the demon that Valentine got blood from to inject Jonathan with; which was confirmed by Todd. Her name is Lilith, her blood runs through Jonathan’s veins and she is going to be the villain in season 3.

Holy shit guys this has been an amazing ride! 2B has been absolutely breath taking, every single episode has been amazing for different reasons, and all the little issues left over from 2A seem to have been ironed out. I liked every episode of 2B, the effects have grown in leaps and bounds since season 1, as has everything else; Season 1 and Season 2 are like to completely different shows; I applaud everyone who works on the show so much for the improvement it has seen.

I will definitely miss both Valentine and Alan, it was an amazing character played by a talented and very sweet actor. I hope that Jonathan is not permanently dead because he is such an interesting character and Will is amazing.

Season 3 has already begun shoot and the writers are already working on episode 6! I’m so excited about what they have in store for us in season 3!