#This is just gonna be unedited

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.

[blue-thief]

did benedict grim ever speak again after ch 157 or nah

[potetosaradas]

.

[buckera]

Fuck It Friday ☔️

I was tagged by @jamespearce9-1-1 @daffi-990 @wikiangela @exhuastedpigeon @disasterbuckdiaz & @jeeyuns thank you MWUAH 💛

I am continuously trying to push the mudslide agenda to get myself into the right mindset to put in the last 20-25k, so here we go again. (It's getting harder to pick stuff from it cuz like, there is a 20k Eddie pov that's just too spoilery to share just yet... sigh)

“So, why are you angry at yourself?”

“I don’t know, I just… am.”

Buck’s breathing was rapid and loud and Eddie knew exactly how he felt; he knew the pointless, boundless anger that doesn’t seem to have a beginning or an end and so frustrating that you get angry all over again just from thinking about it.

It’s irrational, it’s agonizing; it’s almost physically painful.

It’s a lot.

Eddie became well acquainted with the feeling first after Shannon’s death, then after Buck’s — even if the latter didn’t end up being permanent, the unsoothable anger was there nonetheless.

Eddie could feel Buck starting to shake with it under his touch, spiraling with the furious energy that he had no way to channel.

“Alright Buck, hey.” He squeezed Buck’s trembling hand in his own and tugged on it a little. “C’mere, c’mere.”

[ylvaslooks]

[merge-conflict]

indicators of compromise

Alex has a glass waiting for Reed when he returns, and she catches a glimpse of a smile when he slides across the booth from her. Check: favorite drink is gin. He pulls the glass a little closer but doesn’t pick it up, hunching slightly as he settles. Check: chronic pain from old wounds. His thumb rubs against the rim, and he sighs.

“Any blank spots?” he asks, without preamble. Check: gets down to business.

“A few,” Alex says. “Three, maybe four, depending on how you slice it. Longest was about five minutes.”

“When?”

“After your conversation with Hansen and So Mi.” Alex slides the laptop a little closer. In the darkened interior of the Moth, the screen is painfully bright. “Did you see the way she reacted when So Mi touched her?”

“Mhm.” Reed finally lifts the glass, takes a drink. “Bit of a jolt. That what you want to show me?” Check: an eye for detail.

“In a manner of speaking– something showed up on her interface. Not sure what it was, since she had me sandboxed. Supposed to filter out everything but the raw feed– of course not all soft plays nice with that kind of thing. So you get these ugly boxes instead.”

Reed is quiet as she pulls up the recordings, scrubbing through the timeline. Check: patience of a saint. She’d been double-checking her work before he’d walked in, trying in vain to glean certainty from obfuscation. Coincidence is not correlation, and correlation is not cause, but it is always worth a little investigation. Sometimes it really is the small things.

“Here,” she says, on the paused video, her finger hovering over the top left of V’s vision. In this frame, it’s clear, showing the far wall over So Mi’s shoulder. “You can see top right, where there’s a bit of a smudge– she’s got something on her interface there, which also doesn’t play nice with the sandbox. We can’t read it, obviously, but we know it’s there. Now watch when So Mi brushes past her–“

She advances it, a few frames at a time, as V turns her head to watch So Mi pass by. After a few moments she stops, hearing Reed’s muttered little huh under his breath. She taps on the screen, where there’s a discolored rectangular smudge of pixels in the top left. (Figure Two)

“Okay, I see it,” he says. “Coincidence isn’t correlation though–“

“It happens twice more,” Alex interrupts, panning forward to the next one. She’d been working her way backwards once she’d noticed it. “Once, when she sees you at the bar. And one final time, when she took that little detour on the way out. Each time, it coincides with a specific event: So Mi’s touch (Figure Two), her seeing you, (Figure Three) her deciding to wander down a dark path after Hansen threw you out. (Figure Four)”

“That’s three,” Reed says. Check: good recall. “What’s the fourth?”

“Happens on her first sweep of the floor,” Alex tells him, scrubbing back quickly, the entire party turning into little more than a smear of light and color. “She doesn’t react the same as the other times, though– just pauses for a moment and then continues on. Hold on, here it is.”

“Huh. Looks a little familiar, but I can’t place the name.”

“Hideshi Hino,” Alex says. “At least I think so– she looks like she recognizes him, whoever he is, but she doesn’t get any closer.”

“Not really a blank spot,” Reed says. “You sure they’re all related?”

“I don’t think it’s the same thing as So Mi’s blank spots,” Alex says. “If I had to be honest, it seems like she’s having a conversation with someone. You’ve seen people take silent calls before. Attention starts to drift, they fidget– except for Hino it all fits the bill.”

“Like someone else was watching her too,” Reed muses, leaning back in the booth with a heavy sigh. “Some sort of handler, maybe?”

“But who?” Alex asks, frustrated. “Is Myers keeping a close eye? You said she seemed unusually interested in V.”

“Not really her style. I’ll see what I can find out, but we’ve got another problem.” Reed plays with his glass, avoiding Alex’s eye. Check: keeps important info annoyingly close to the chest. “Handler or not that brush with Hansen seemed to spook her. We left things a little… up in the air. Was hoping you might reach out, talk her down from the ledge.”

“She backed out?” Alex asks, surprised. Spooked is not how she’d read V’s body language in that elevator. “What’d she say?”

“Nothing specific,” Reed says, and he must be tired because he’s finally let the annoyance seep into his voice. “She was angry, but I don’t know why. You ever wonder how So Mi communicates with her, while Hansen’s got her locked up?”

“Not exactly my area of expertise,” Alex reminds him, as though he needs reminding. So Mi’s presence is in her absence: one of the empty seats in what had once been a crowded booth.

“Mm.” Reed takes a long drink, letting his eyes drift close for a moment. “Will you do it?”

“Thought you were the recruiter,” she says, pettily.

“She’s Myers’ recruit, not mine,” he says, unperturbed. “Less interested in an oath to the NUSA than a promise to the president. Think she could use a personal appeal.”

“And you’re not her type?”

His eyes flick open, frowning. Check: not a pushover. “Just talk with her Alex. So Mi trusts her, and we’re not going to be able to replace her this late in the game. See if you can figure out why’s she upset, and if anyone’s pulling her strings. Don’t push too hard.”

Alex leans back with a sarcastic two-finger salute. “Yes, sir.”

[roetrolls]

something something fun guy

@fantrollology

[mxtxfanatic]

Okay what is going on with tgcf? You've made a bunch of posts discussing different versions of it and now the last paragraph of the ask you just answered is thoroughly confusing me. The novels are uncensored, except for the edited version of tgcf, but there's no sex scenes, but there is an uncensored edited version that exists? I'm not following what's going on with all this edited uncensored unedited censored stuff. I bought all 8 volumes of the Seven Seas set because I enjoyed mxtx's other works and now I'm wondering if I've wasted my money on a hot mess that's so censored that I have to squint to figure out if the couple gets together?????

I’m sorry 😭 The stuff only sounds confusing because of the recent stuff, so let me try to simplify:

All the 7seas official releases of mxtx’s novels are uncensored. By uncensored, I mean that they include vulgar language, sex jokes, queer romance, actual sex when applicable, etc. Out of all the books, tgcf is the only one that didn’t have a sex scene written for its uncensored version, so despite the 7seas release being uncensored, it still will not have a sex scene. The pining, makeouts, innuendos, etc are still there. Hualian still has an unambiguous romance.

Now for the edited vs. unedited thing: after tgcf was licensed and being published by 7seas, mxtx wrote and released a massive edit of the whole book, meaning that the 7seas release is the unedited uncensored version of tgcf. She released this edited version as a novel, but because of where she released it, the edited novel only exists in censored form, so without the vulgar language, some sex jokes, and an explicit hualian romance (though it is still implied). No one has done a full fan translation of the edited version of tgcf yet, but some individual chapters have been translated and others who can read the raws have posted their own reactions and lists of changes.

As for where you can find the uncensored edited version of tgcf: audiodramas are not beholden to the same censorship laws as literature is, so the tgcf audiodrama that began updating in July 2023 is the only place you can find this version. The audiodrama closely follows the book, so listening to it should theoretically be a 1:1 for plot with the (as yet unreleased) uncensored edited novel.

[sexynetra]

WIP WEDNESDAY

The people have been reacting well to cunty dame so have some more :)

~~~~~~

All this to say – Nicky leaving was putting a major crimp in Dame’s lifestyle. She plucked a glass of champagne off a tray, taking a long sip and surveying the room from her perch near the window. Tia and Kam were deep in conversation next to the food table, while Nicky — as the guest of honor — was in the middle of the room, surrounded by a gaggle of their coworkers.

Kam walked over a moment later, a small plate of hors d’œuvres in hand. “So, are you planning to go talk to your girlfriend?” She asked conversationally.

Dame rolled her eyes, plucking a canapé off of her best friend’s plate and popping it into her mouth. “Nicky’s not my girlfriend.”

“Try telling her that,” Kam retorted, giving Nicky a polite wave and a smile. Nicky smiled back at her before turning her gaze to Dame, smile softening.

“She knows,” Dame said. “I’ve told her. I’m not the girlfriend type. It’s just a bit of fun, nothing more.”

“Yeah well, the trail of brokenhearted girls you leave behind shows that well enough,” Kam shoved her playfully.

Dame pursed her lips to hide her smile. “You’re just jealous,” she teased, finishing off her champagne flute and stepping forward to greet Nicky who had made her way over.

Dame leaned over, placing a ghost of a kiss on each of her cheeks. “Nicky,” she murmured. “Lovely party. Shame it's goodbye.”

“It doesn’t have to be. You could come back to Paris with me.” Nicky looked up at her hopefully.

Dame plucked another flute of champagne off the tray of a passing server, letting out a noncommittal hum as she looked away, meeting eyes with the Spanish woman who worked in reception, flashing her a wink and a smile. “Better not, I’m quite enjoying London,” she said flippantly.

[hdmiports]

i’m condemned / just like all my worthless friends

for day 1 of @maadsimming’s simblreen! <3

[error-dream-was-found]

WIP Thursday

Many thanks to @bleue-flora for tagging me! Now who do I tag? How about @piscespixiewastaken, @mistythedritten and @robinthinkstoomuch? And anyone who wants to join too!

Well since I just updated monsters a few hours ago and I don't have another chapter started yet (because my time management is so great) masks readers are getting another treat:

“Dream? Dream, are you here?”

The warden called, sounding worried. That however went unnoticed by the blonde who was too caught up in the mental image of what his punishment would be like once the warden grabs him and drags him out for sir to play with. Perhaps that was why he didn’t catch the sob creeping up his throat before it was too late. The warden heard and now he was bending down to peek under the table. Green eyes met gold ones.

“Dream?”

In spite of the blonde’s best efforts the wall refused to accept him as a part of itself and so he was left with only one option - plead pathetically for mercy that he knew would never come.

“N-no, please- I- I- please, warden please-”

“Hey, hey Dream, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Did you have another nightmare?”

The warden asked, calm and clear but the meaning of his words didn’t register quite right with Dream. Not that it mattered. His breath and words got stuck in his throat and he was left to only shut his eyes and shake his head. The trembling got worse again.

“Okay, okay, no nightmare. But something scared you … it’s fine, no one is going to hurt you, Dream.”

No, no sir was going to hurt him! He was going to hurt him so much with his shears! The warden was lying. Why was he even lying? Someone like Dream was not worth the effort of pretending, that’s what they said … somewhere in the room some fabric shifted but he didn’t open his eyes to check. Not until the warden ordered him to do so.

“Dream, could you please look at me?”

That was an order, he had to follow orders so he did, albeit reluctantly. He didn't really want to see the uncaring look on his once friend's face while he dragged him out. But … that wasn’t happening. He opened his eyes but instead of rough hands reaching for him he saw the warden kneeling in front of the table with a blanket in his open arms. He was taunting him, as if the cold and sir’s punishment waiting for him were not cruel enough. 

“Do you think you could come here?”

[kenobihater]

so SICK of capcut lagging and fast forwarding while i'm trying to make my sco cringefail loserboy edit. i want the cuts to be fast yeah, but i don't wanna watch a speedrun of his traumatic experiences 😐

[chickenparm]

WIP uhhhhhhhhhhhthursday

also @adelaidedrubman and @henbased and @a-gal-with-taste i'm ringing the bell for you chuds to post some of your WIPs

here's a snippet of some scaramouche that i've been slaving over because i can fix him i swear i swear i can fix him he can be fixed he just needs some tlc-

syke i wish he was worse but yeah here's scara getting his shit kicked in so hard it knocks some sense into him. and by sense, i mean extremely unhealthy dependence and poor coping mechanisms.

---

“I need to go for a little longer-”

“I said stay.”

“I need to eat, Scaramouche.”

The name makes him flinch, his hand falling to the bed and leaving you bereft of his grip. A yearning little part of you misses it fiercely. Fear isn’t the right word when you pinpoint how wrong it is for you to have become attached like this, yet after having learned so much of his life in the span of moments, you feel an involuntary kinship that colors all your thoughts of him. 

His reaction to the name isn’t explained. While most of him is tucked beneath the blankets of your bed, the hand that had been touching you lays above them with his palm to the sky and his fingers clenched into a loose fist. They only clench tighter as he pointedly looks up at the rafters and says, “Don’t come back, then.”

That strikes at you. His petulance is completely unwarranted, and you’re helpless to your own urge to plant your hands on your hips and call him out on it. “Make up your mind. Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to leave you alone? I’m going to have Tubby make up a second bedroom. Then you can hide out in there if you want to be a child.”

“I’m not-” With one movement, Scaramouche pushes himself up on a hand to sit up. His elbow shakes with the effort, clearly not up to the task of moving so quickly just yet. A sick sense of pride shoots through you with how solidly you’ve beaten him. Through grit teeth, he continues, “You’re the one coming and going as you please.”

“What’s gotten into you?” 

Scaramouche flinches at your hiss, avoiding you all over again, judging by the stubborn set of his brow. Just like him, you’re exhausted, and you don’t have the time nor energy to entertain his whims right now. With purpose, you turn your head and call for your teapot spirit. In a dusting of tiny fireworks and drifting petals, Tubby appears and opens their beak to begin bombarding you with everything they’ve been waiting to say. 

And you’ll give them that when you have time, but for now you hold a finger to your lips and they get the hint. Folding the sleeves of their robes together, Tubby listens as you ask, “Can you bring me something to eat? It doesn’t matter what, don’t trouble yourself too much.”

“Of course! Give me a little time, and I’ll have something splendid for you!”

Your request to not go out of their way is entirely lost to the empty spaces in the room as they disappear. Blowing out a long sigh that feels too much like resignation, you carefully sit on the side of Scaramouche’s bed, your back turned to him and your hands on your knees to brace yourself. When Tubby comes back, you’ll get them working on that second room.

In the meantime, the hand along your spine returns, this time splayed out with a palm pressing firmly against you. It’s a simple touch, one that you close your eyes and relish now that he can’t quite see your face. The expectant moment lingers with a quiet anticipation before Scaramouche breaks it without remorse.

“Why did you do it?”

“Bring you here?” Shuffling behind you, and you assume it’s a nod. “Would you believe me if I said I empathize with you?”

“One little peek at my memories, and we’re suddenly friends now? You feel sorry for me?”

“Is that so bad?” Your head turns so you can look at him out of the corner of your eye. Though he’d been quiet and restrained, it’s clear that there’s fury bubbling beneath the surface that you now must quell. “I think we’re more alike than you realize. Yes, I felt sorry because you never deserved any of that, even after all the problems you’ve caused as a result.”

“I’m not some good guy under all this, you know. I’m not putting on some front to trick you - this is who I am.”

Behind your eyelids, you see him in white, curled in the cavernous wooden halls of his domain and clutching himself in the mockery of a hug. Tears run down his cheeks, one after another, in a constant stream of loneliness and despondency. Perhaps that isn’t him anymore, but neither is this tyrant that’s bent on the divinity he was meant to receive.

[coffee-at-annies]

For the first of the warmups videos, @podcasts-8-my-heart told me to post Jarry unedited and Ren seconded it so here’s Jarry unedited.

[galiccfinds]

sneak peek

guess who is about to start a gameplay ;P