#This is just a vent post

[dreamtydraw]

Dudes i know it will sound really stupid cause « it’s just pixels bro » but people erasing cove, tamarack and qiu to put baxter at the center of our life are making me so disapointed and sad that nowdays i don’t even feel like the our life tag is a tag is a place i belong.

I love this game, this fandom has been a confort for me for over 2 years now but there is a overwhelming new type of fans that are erasing the representation this game offered to queers people ( aces people mainly ) , neurodivergent people and poc.

If you never encountered the content I’m talking about then I’m glad for you and I hope you’ll continue enjoying your time here but I am really feeling out of place and i’m sad about it.

[yellow-yarrow]

Since I became physically weaker I notice way more how much hostile architecture there is in the city

Not a single bench in one of the biggest shopping centers in the city. "there are benches on the rooftop" fuck you I'm not walking through the whole building and up like 4 floors to sit down

Train station has a couple of metal cubes with texture on top of them (uncomfortable), no backrest

No backrest on the chairs in the other train station's waiting room

Tram stations where you can only get to by stairs

I'm exhausted

Traveling Budapest - [redacted town] 0/10 it sucks

[i-arch-my-backula]

Took me three and a half years on hormones to still not pass

Trans guy on tik tok passes pre medical anything

Took me three and a half years on hormone to still not pass

Trans guy on tik tok passes pre medical anything

[ignatius-pennyfeather-ix]

i fucking hate how in the us you have to justify not wanting to have your uterus in your body. like…it’s in my body, and i don’t want it there, you have the skills to take it out please & thank you should be the full discussion. why the absolute fuck is there anymore to it. but nooo impossibile. of course, if you want botulism injected into your face, totally fine!! right away!!

[magicallarynx]

just got a call from the specialists office I was referred to and the soonest appointment is over 2 months away. I’m having trouble reckoning with going from “we might know what’s wrong!!” to “the absolute earliest you will receive treatment is Next Season” in one week.

on the grand scale, 2 more months is nothing compared to the 4 years (or more!) I’ve been dealing with this. but on the other hand, there’s nothing else I can do to improve my health until I see a specialist. what am I supposed to do until then? Wake up every day like “well, I feel like shit. time to uhhhh wait a few more weeks and hope I don’t get worse?”

I am once again grateful that my symptoms ~mostly~ don’t point to anything life-threatening (though fairly serious)—but what if they were? 9 weeks is a Very Long Time to wait for the only feasible next step. I know that many people have gotten worse and/or died on healthcare waiting lists, but it’s still shocking in 2024 and especially where I live (where healthcare resources are shockingly abundant proportionate to the population).

I’m already having trouble answering when people ask how I’ve been. like oh you know, the usual. my blood is syrup and we don’t know why. most of my energy each day is dedicated to choking down as much water as I can stomach. I can’t even talk to an expert for 8 more weeks. every time I have a new minor symptom I have to dive into pubmed and try to make sure it’s not a sign of Things Getting Worse. just the usual. how’s your summer going?

[im-obsebsted]

So rant started;

It was honestly so hard to figure out that I was aroace because I lived in homophobic country. It was honestly either you liked the opposite gender or you were weird.

As a kid I was a boy's type of girl, and there were plenty of rumors that I was trying to get with the guys and as I graduated highschool I had only two friends remaining and they were both queer.

My friends are a non-binary gay person and a pan guy. There were a lot of rumors that I was dating both of my friends at the same time, and people around me just couldn't understand that girls could be in totally platonic friends with guys.

I was introduced by the idea of what aroace meant by my older sister who is an aroace folk as well.

It took a very short time to understand that I was ace because honestly in my birth country 18+ activities were heavily discouraged. And I don't enjoy the thought of being touched in a 18+ manner, however I don't feel repulsed by pornography and other 18+ media.

But it was hard to come to terms that I was on the aromatic spectrum. Being married was heavily pushed onto my back, hell it was expected to start having kids at around 25!

I would often get questions like : "When are you getting married?", "Do you have a... special friend ?". It was always akward having to explain that I didn't have a boyfriend.

I'm honestly still closeted to my parents, because they're homophobic but not religious.

And do I have to mention the problems I have questioning my gender identity?!

Rant over

[bogor-o]

using my blog as an actual blog feels foreign as hell after so long but i definitely need to put this somewhere that i can dump that isnt just to my friends when theyre already doing so much for me

i recently found out my mother has thyroid cancer and ive been on and off dissociating for days since, i feel overwhelmed and i still feel like im not reacting right. im devastated and scared and im completely lost because i dont know what to do for her

when i ask the only think she says is just regular house chores but thats a no brainer, i dont know. she says shes just sore but im sad because who knows how long ago this couldve been dealt with if she went sooner but its like, what can you do now? im just upset

[umbr3llaz]

I’m just so fucking lost. I want my cats to all be safe and happy together. But that’s not possible. I feel so distraught about losing them. I’m fucking awful at being emotionally stable how am I supposed to help them now? How am I ever going to not feel guilty about this?

[lenavis]

psychically feeling as though i have a splinter under my skin, and in the underside of every interaction there is something tender and sharp, and at the slightest touch of the affected area i can feel the sudden pierce of it, painful but sweet the way that some hurts are, and sometimes i myself am running my finger over it again and again, provoking and provoking, and at the same time it is unbearable, thinking "will this be wedged in me forever, will i carry this sting through all my days", and part of me saying "yes and you will learn to bear it" and the other part saying "yes and it will deepen year by year" and yet another part digging with tweezers, probing myself raw and searching for something to grasp at so i can finally pull it out, and i can see the head of the thorn like a black pinprick, it is there, it is incontrovertibly there, but the prongs will not catch, the blood slickens the grip, the obstinate flesh will not accede to my assault, and so i keep scraping, all the while contemplating amputation

[galaxseacreature]

fucking miserable to have just seen that alaska is suing the epa over the pebble mine veto. ofc they're going straight to the supreme court, the one that just gutted the clean water act, the basis of the veto. of course.

it's not even having to fight its just...it feels like even when there are victories theyre so temporary. how do you celebrate the next win when the last one only stood for a few months

[acesammy]

it’s all really too much always huh

[fondwand]

so I love my mum a lot and we can get on really well, like I'd die for her, but my gosh... sometimes the boomer really shows in that gal. she's always been really supportive of my desire to be a published writer but like ever since I was a little child talking about this she would always be like 'okay just remember it doesn't pay well, just keep that in mind' and I'd emphasise that... I know that, I'm under no allusions that writers are rich and never have been, I'm not doing it for money. and now I'm older and she's supporting the choices I make and stuff, she's letting me go at my own pace and that makes me feel really secure with her, so I'll end up sharing that I'm writing fanfic currently while I work a soul crushingly boring job for the summer bc it makes me happy. at first she's like, that's cool! and will ask me loads of questions or whatever and then she'll just suddenly be like, 'oh but remeber you can't just write fanfjction you have to write real stuff because fanfic can't make you any money'

MOTHER, I KNOW! sometimes we do things for joy, not for money! sometimes we don't build our entire lives and existences around accumulating wealth! sometimes we'd rather have the happiness than the overflowing bank account!

I just.... life has been really shit and writing fanfic makes me happy. isn't that enough? I'm already working a job that's effecting my mental health to make the money you're obsessed with. why do you need to immediately pick at something and push me towards a life (working 'stable' jobs even if they make me miserable bc of money) I've been expressing for 15 years that I don't want? I've talked about socialism, about what I value in the world, about how I plan to live my life so I'm happy and not exhausted and having a major burnout before retirement (like her!) and yet she always just shoves it down and pushes her worldview onto me. as if we still live in the world she grew up in, and as if I want to live in that world even if we did. like, I don't want to waste my life reaching for a measure of wealth or safety that I'll never achieve bc the whole system is literally built against me! I'd rather be poor, and happy, and writing for the sake of writing and not for the sake of.... what? soulless capital? I'm already sad enough, mate.

I just hate the way that people think that the only value art has the capital it can accrue for someone.

[starinthegalaxy34]

Fathers just leave their kids with the most fucked up amount of trauma, huh?

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

I really like the fact that I can tell when a temporary alternative ADHD med isn't working as well by the manner of salt craving. And by "really like", I mean that I'm barely hanging on and want to pour an entire salt shaker's worth of salt down my throat at once.

[komodocloud]

do you guys ever feel like an outcast even in a group full of outcasts. like i'm autistic and even in groups full of neurodivergent people i'm still excluded sometimes. i don't understand why

[otaku-tactician]

i wish there was more room for imperfections. for blorbos, for beliefs, for spirituality, for divine figures and the infernal, even. what one likes doesn't have to be good. they can be flawed and multifaceted, they can even be harmful sometimes- but why must this be denied?

i wish it didn't mean having to defend them and butter them up as "all good" and deny their imperfections.

i feel like a lot of this world is lonely and i wish nuance and questioning was not seen as bad. wish it was ok to go "this being can be loving to me but destroy the lives of others".

that is all