#This is going to be way less coherent in the future

[spacedragonstar]

Worm liveblog Part 1

So, first time doing a liveblog. Let's see how this goes. Don't expect anything particularly analytical from me.

I decided that yes, I am going to read Worm, the web novel. For the sake of transparency, I have been spoiled on some aspects of the world building, like how people get superpowers, parts of the ending and something about world destroying kajiu? I'm somewhat unclear on that last point.

I can not make any guarantees that I will actually finish this or that you will get regular updates.

I decided to do this liveblog when I got to Chapter 6, so the first part of this is just my impressions so far.

Warning: Mention of bullying

Ark 1.1-5

Okay, I know Worm has like a bazillion trigger warnings, but has anyone considered making it one more and adding 'Uncomfortably accurate description of bullying '? Because what Taylor is going through here, the loneliness, the social ostracizing, the way nobody helps you? That is for me a way better description of bullying than any shoving in hallways or dunks in the toilet is. It is also pretty much how I felt at some points in school. Except that I can't control bugs and if I could I would use that to 1) get rich 2) make every etymologist love me and 3) possible send bugs stealthily into the hair of bullys so I can get away. This entirely depnds on when we are talking about.

That being said, Taylor's power is pretty cool and I think it could have a lot of potential if properly utilized. I like how she uses the spiders to create her costume and all the logistics about it, like that the spiders are territorial. She is also pretty clever about the fight with Lung and knows to retreat.

Speaking of, the fight with Lung was definitely something and I can see why the heroes would struggle with him. You have to essentially take him by surprise to have a chance and you have to end it really fast. Also, the fire is a really bad match up for Taylor.

Honestly, I think it's probably a good idea that the gang mistook Taylor for a Villain. There is no way she can take them out right now.

[relicsongmel]

Something I've always found fascinating about Raymond Shields is that despite seemingly having altruistic reasons for being a defense attorney, his reasons for trying to convince Miles to be one are anything but.

It seems understandable enough on the surface. After Ray comes around and agrees to work with Miles in The Imprisoned Turnabout, he sees remnants of Gregory shining through him despite von Karma's influence. Whether or not he recognizes that Miles' decision to become a prosecutor wasn't just born from that alone—that it was in tandem with wanting to distance himself from anything that reminded him of his father to alleviate the burden on his heart—is up for debate, but regardless: he acknowledges Miles as Gregory's son through and through and wants to capitalize on his dedication for pursuing justice in a way that he knows would make his father proud. He wants to let Miles in on the life he was robbed of at 9 years old—the life he once dreamed of living, where he follows in the footsteps of his father by giving everything he has to save people, by fighting like hell for the vulnerable and the condemned.

That said, as much as Ray dresses up his proposition by making it out to be as if he's looking out for Miles' best interests (and the best interests of society, even)...his motives for trying to get Miles to switch sides are almost entirely selfish. Ray's efforts (and most of his actions in general, really) are ultimately a product of his desperate attempt to cling on to anything related to Gregory out of an inability to move on from his death. Wearing his hat and coat, leaving the name of his office unchanged...and now, requesting that his son literally change jobs just because he can't bear the weight of his own loneliness anymore. Because he can't bear to think that the damage done by DL-6 is irreversible and Miles has moved on while he has stagnated for the past 17 years. Because he has an idealized vision of what he thinks Gregory would want and fails to realize that his son's occupation wouldn't matter to him as long as it brings him happiness and fulfillment. In his mind, letting Miles go means accepting the circumstances that brought him where he is and allowing both of them to move on. And that terrifies him.

It's even more deceitful when you realize that Ray's pitch comes at a very opportune time for Miles given his circumstances at that point: that is, he's under threat of investigation for prosecutorial misconduct and at risk of being stripped of his badge. Ray might fake incompetence, but he's not stupid—and he takes full advantage of Justine's warnings to try to sway Miles when he's in a more vulnerable position in terms of his job. Which is...pretty fucked up, to put it lightly. Despite having a better idea of where he came from compared to most people, through this Ray shows a lack of understanding of who Miles truly is and a lack of respect for what he's come to value, even if his path toward obtaining those values had some bumps along the road. But he's so blinded by his grief that he doesn't even stop to consider how much he's really asking of him, or what Miles is really searching for.

Ray was moved by Gregory. He values saving people. Defending the weak is an undeniably noble endeavor. But to ask that of someone else without consideration for their best interests is decidedly less so.

For all his occupation requires a certain selflessness, Raymond Shields is far more selfish than he lets on. And I for one find that contradiction fascinating to unpack.

[shanastoryteller]

Apocalypse Never

They help Dad into the cabin, more coherent than he was when they first broke him out, and Sam heads back to the car for their bags, for the Colt, and tries not to think about how everything has gone so quickly to shit. Mom and Jessica’s killer got away, again, but they’re all alive. That’s not nothing, that’s –

The pain hits him so completely and suddenly that he has no chance to brace himself for it. Usually it builds, first prickling pain then greater, but this is something else. It feels like nails are being shoved into his skull, images coming almost too fast for him to follow. He doesn’t realize he’s screaming until it stops, until he comes to with his head in his brother’s lap, Dean’s arms pinning him down and his face white and terrified above him. “Sammy? Sammy, you’re bleeding. What’s wrong?”

His throat is too raw and tight to speak even if he wanted to. He does want to, but he can’t, he can’t say a goddamn thing.

I saved the world for you, he thinks wildly, and I didn’t even get to keep you. How fucked up is that?

~

He doesn’t know if his future self couldn’t send it all back any further, or if he thought that this would give Sam less time to fuck things up.

For a couple terrifying minutes, Sam had taken control of Lucifer. For a couple exhilarating minutes, Sam had the power of an archangel.

That sending the knowledge of the future back four years in the past was the best thing he could think to do with it leaves Sam with a poor opinion of the man he became. Then again, he had saved the world, so. There’s that.

He doesn’t want to think of the him that had fallen into the pit with Lucifer and Michael. He hopes he can save him by making different choices, but maybe he can’t. Alternate universes, or parallel ones, or whatever. Maybe that Sam is damned for good and the best he could do was save a different version of himself, a different version of his brother.

There’s not much point in wondering about it. He’ll never know either way.

It’s memories with no emotions, thank fuck, because just the knowledge of it all is enough to drive him to his knees, to edge him to weeping and whimpering and slitting his wrists if he lets it.

He’s not going to. He has work to do. There will be time to fall apart after, when the world is safe. When Dean is safe.

Dean after Dad had died and given him that ultimatum had been bad enough. Dean after forty years in hell had been nearly unrecognizable.

He wipes the blood from his face, ushers Dean back inside, and tries not to think too hard about what he’s about to do.

Dean figures out it’s Azazel in Dad’s body and they’re pinned to the wall and Sam waits until Azazel is hovering over him, hand next to his head as he tilts his head back and breathes over Sam’s lips. It’s a torture and a powerplay, to let the want in his eyes come out in his father’s face, to make it John’s body that’s pressed so nauseatingly close to his own.

Sam isn’t the same person he was four years ago, ten minutes ago.

Breaking out of Azazel’s hold is easy. He’s using the equivalent of a single finger to keep them down, like pinning down a butterfly, and it's only enough until it isn’t.

He grabs Azazel’s face and pulls him close, hears the beginning of his laughter before Sam seals their mouths together. He’s making a deal here, selling his soul sure as anything, just not with Azazel.

Azazel leans into it, just like Sam knew he would, shoving his tongue in Sam’s mouth and getting off at his instinctive flinch of disgust, of the way Dean’s screaming bloody murder behind him. Azazel hasn’t hurt Dean yet. Sam’s going to make sure he never will.

He bites down hard. Blood fills his mouth and he sucks on his tongue, drinking as much as he can. It doesn't tase like iron, not like it should, instead it's sweet and thick like honey. He thought Azazel would pull back now, but he’s still laughing into Sam’s mouth, even bites the inside of his cheek to add to the blood from his tongue, and he just lets Sam drink his fill. Of course, he doesn’t know what Sam knows. If Sam had done this the first time, the only thing the blood would have done would be to get him high and useless.

It means he gets more than a mouthful, that it’s long minutes of keeping his eyes closed and swallowing and trying not to think too hard about how it’s Dad’s hands on him and Dad’s hard on at his thigh and Dad’s tongue he’s sucking on. He’s already got four years’ worth of nightmares in his head. No need to add more than necessary.

His skin is buzzing, feeling stretched out over him like his body is too big for it suddenly, almost like the aches of growing pains but more electric. Azazel pulls back and licks up the side of his face, leaving blood and spit behind, and breathes into his ear, “If you missed me feeding you, boy, all you had to do was ask.”

Yeah, that’s enough of that.

He shoves Azazel back without moving his hands, hard enough that he stumbles, and he has to move fast, before he gets a smart idea like snapping Dad’s neck or bursting his heart. He raises his hand and he’d settle for an exorcism, but power is lying heavy and thick in his veins. Destroying Lilith nearly killed him and Azazel is more powerful than Lilith and the blood he drank shouldn’t be nearly enough.

But fear sparks in Azazel’s yellow eyes and he starts choking, black smoke leaking from his ears and out his mouth. “How-”

Sam doesn’t let him finish. He remembers killing Samhain, killing Alastair, killing Lilith. He knows what to do.

Azazel dies screaming. Mom and Jessica are avenged. It’s not as satisfying as he thought it’d be.

Dad is on his hands and knees, taking in deep lungfuls of air. Sam knows from experience that being possessed isn’t pleasant.

“Sammy?”

He forces himself to look over, sees his brother approaching him with hands outstretched. The fear hasn’t gone anywhere even with Azazel dead, even with Dad alive, even though he doesn’t have any of the devastating injuries he sustained last time.

He doesn’t have the emotions to go along with the memory of the first time Dean saw him drinking demon blood, but he imagines it was something like this. “I’m sorry.”

“Sammy,” Dean says again, but Dad’s getting to his feet, Dad’s looking at the Colt, and Sam can’t die yet. He still has work to do.

It’s not a conscious thought, not something he actively tries to do, it’s just one minute he’s there in a cabin with his father and brother and the next he’s in the middle of a field, the night air crisp and clear and a million stars shining above him.

He couldn’t do that before.

There’s something wrong, he thinks, because he doesn’t remember what drinking demon blood felt like, but he remembers describing it, and this isn’t right. He should be drained after that, should feel almost normal again, but instead it’s like there are bees pinging around inside him, like there’s molten lava in his veins, like he’s dying.

He’s dying, he realizes suddenly, the power threatening to eat him alive. He looks down at his arms, like he’s expecting to see them crisping up beneath moonlight, but they look normal, like skin. Of course it’s not killing him, no matter what it feels like. He’s Lucifer’s perfect vessel. There’s no power his body can’t contain, none except God’s, maybe, and it looks like he’s long past making house calls.

It won’t kill him, but it hurts like hell, and he can’t think, he needs to burn it off somehow. He’s never had this problem before, not even when he drank all that blood for Lucifer.

He’s standing in Bobby’s living room and he doesn’t understand why until he sees the body on his kitchen table wrapped in a white sheet. He doesn’t know how Bobby got rid of the paramedics, if he’s maybe holding the body for her family, but Sam thinks he knows how to get rid of some of the itching along his skin.

Sam died a lot, in those weeks he and Dean were apart. Lucifer was true to his word. Sam came back every time.

He pulls down the sheet, sees the ways Meg’s face has settled into death in the past day, how decay has started to take hold and left her blue and cold and her skin slack. He leans down, presses a kiss to her cheek, and thinks that this is the least he owes her, for what she endured because of him, for trying to help him even at the bitter end.

She gasps to life beneath him, warmth flooding her skin and air stuttering into her lungs. “Sam?” she asks, fear and confusion and a pain that’s not physical.

Maybe she won’t want to live, considering everything she’s been through, but at least now the choice is hers and not a demon’s. There are footsteps and he turns to see Bobby standing in the doorway, gun pointed to the ground and mouth open in shock. Sam doesn’t have time to worry about it, instead he’s gone, the same burning still clawing its way out of his bones.

Caleb lies slumped in the chair Meg had tied him to, throat slit and eyes empty. Sam puts his hands on his shoulders, presses his lips to his bald head, and feels the moment his heart starts beating again. He sends the ropes falling with barely a thought and he’s gone the moment he hears his first confused groan.

Pastor Jim is laid out in his home, church workers Sam vaguely recognize huddled around him in prayer, his final send off. He’s just glad he got here before they burned him. They start screaming when they see him but he leans down, internally wincing at how Jim’s going to explain his way out of this one, and kisses his forehead, a reversal of the paternal tenderness Jim had shown him as a child.

His chest rises and his eyes open and his eyebrows push together. “Sam, what-“

He doesn’t stick around to hear the end of that question, figures it’s not anything he can answer anyway.

It takes him a long moment of staring out at the snow covered peaks and too close sky and the brilliant sun hitting his face even though it was just the middle of the night for him to place himself, even though it shouldn’t be enough, but he knows where he is even though he shouldn’t.

The air’s too thin and he’s going to give himself altitude sickness if he lingers and he should probably be freezing to death but his blood is still running too hot. Not burning, not like it was before he brought three people back from the dead, but still far from comfortable.

Still. He can’t say he ever thought he’d ever get to see the view from Mt. Everest.

“Castiel,” he says. “It’s Sam Winchester. We need to talk.”

Nothing. Typical.

“I know about God’s plan, about Lucifer and Michael, about my role as his vessel. I know about you, Cas. You’re going to want to hear me out.”

There’s the rustle of wings behind him and he turns to see Cas, younger than he looked before. Jimmy Novak younger than he’d been before. He wonders about that for a moment. He’d half expected Cas to show up as a sherpa rather than nip to America for a vessel, but Cas had kept the shape of Jimmy Novak even after his physical body perished, so maybe there’s a deeper preference there than just convenience.

His face is as cold as their surroundings. “You have strayed from God’s light.”

“Yeah, well, what good has he ever done me?” he asks tiredly. He used to believe. He believed yesterday. He prayed this morning. Even when he met Cas the first time, he believed. “I can’t explain. Can you just read my mind? We don’t have time.”

His eyebrows push together, but Cas has to be curious, otherwise he wouldn’t have said anything. He steps forward and presses two fingers against Sam’s forehead. He doesn’t feel any different, but when Cas lowers his hand, he’s lost his stoicism. Shock, despair, and anger chase themselves across his feature and Sam can’t blame him.

He’s not the only who lost his faith in the future.

“You said there were thousands of seals,” he says. “How many exactly?”

His eyes snap to Sam’s. “What?”

“God loved Lucifer,” he says. “It’s why he imprisoned him rather than destroying him. It’s why he left him a way out. Maybe it’s why he set up the apocalypse in the first place. I don’t know, I don’t care. All I know is that I’m not letting him out, ever. So we’re going to destroy every seal we can.”

Some can’t be undone, like the first one, a righteous man torturing an innocent soul in hell. But there are plenty that can, hopefully enough, hopefully most. If there are less than sixty six seals available, then Lucifer is never getting out of his cage.

“There were originally ten thousand seals,” Cas answers and Sam gets lightheaded for reasons that have nothing to do with thin air. “Only two thousand and thirty four seals are still viable.”

Okay, that’s better. Not great, but better. “Let’s get that number down to sixty five.”

“You are different,” Cas says.

Of course he’s different. His father’s alive. His brother never went to hell. Sam has never known the utter desolation of being completely alone, of grief and guilt so heavy he’s surprised it didn’t break his spine as surely as Jake’s knife in his back. He doesn’t actually remember feeling it, which is no small mercy, but he saw the effects of living with it, which is almost as bed. He'd thought what he’s feeling because of Jessica is as low as he could get. It’s not even close.

He wants to dig up her bones and breathe life into them, but at almost a year dead he thinks that’s beyond even this strange new power. Even like this, he’s failing Jessica one more time.

“Got any ideas?” he asks. “It wasn’t like this before. With the blood.”

He’d drank Ruby nearly dry more than once. It had been a high and then a crash and never did it give him access to this type of power.

“Azazel is – was a prince of hell,” Cas answers.

Sam frowns. “I thought he was king?”

“He was regent,” he corrects, “but to be a prince is separate from being ruler of hell. Lucifer created Lilith from bone, as Adam and Eve were made. The princes were created from his blood. Azazel’s blood is, in a way, Lucifer’s.”

Lucifer’s blood. Sam, his vessel, drinking down Lucifer’s blood, as a baby and now. Except as a baby he’d only had a few drops. He’d consumed a lot more than that back at the cabin.

Demon blood always wore off. The few drops of Azazel’s blood he’d gotten as a baby never had. He probably should have taken that into consideration, but there hadn’t been any time.

“Lucifer is evil but he is not a demon,” Cas continues.

Sam realizes suddenly that he did have power like this once. When he locked away Lucifer inside of him and took his power for his own. It’s not the same, not even close, but it’s similar. “This is what angel blood does?”

“No,” he says. “This is what Archangel Lucifer’s blood does to his perfect vessel. I believe. This has never happened before, so I cannot be certain. You are, as always, one of kind, Sam Winchester.”

It’s not quite a compliment, but it’s not as combative as he remembers Castiel being in the beginning. He’ll take it. “Guess we’ll figure it out together, then. If you’re sticking around to help prevent the apocalypse.”

If he’s not, this is going to be more than difficult. Tracking down all the seals without an angel on his side isn’t going to be impossible, but pretty damn close. And he doesn’t know how much time he has. Hell is going to be pissed about him killing Azazel. Heaven is probably going to take notice once he starts destroying seals so they can never be opened. Not to mention, he’s definitely going to be on hunters’ radar. Even if Dad can keep his mouth shut about him drinking demon blood, which he knows better than to rely on, him bringing back people from the dead is going to spread quickly. He’s going to be hunted at all sides, just like last time.

At least last time he had Dean, even broken, even when he was broken himself. He still had his brother.

But this is the price for saving him. For making sure that Dean is never in the position to kick off the apocalypse in the first place, to make it so Lucifer never again walks the earth even if heaven and hell reincarnate him and Dean and try and start this all over again.

He’s going to be killed for it, he knows, by demons or angels or hunters. But that doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things.

“Yes,” Cas says. “It is better for us all if the future you saw never comes to pass. I will help you.”

He grins, clapping Cas on the shoulder, and only laughs at the glare he receives in return. They have to get out of here before the altitude makes him loopy. Maybe it already has.

He’s going to save the world for his brother and he’s not even going to get to keep him.

How fucked up is that?

[astraeus-tree]

Chapter 2

『Wanna see you, wanna see you but I gotta resist』

Disparities Between Our Souls You and your husband fight the anomaly in your home-universe while attempting to avoid the gaze of your family Disclaimer(s): Fight scenes are definitely not my forte and Damian is the only batfam with a proper screen time in this

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

You felt the wind on your body was you swung across the city towards the anomaly. The adrenaline coursed through your veins as you tried to clear your mind of your racing thoughts. In the corner of your eye, you see the familiar red of Miguel’s laser webs and you were able to fully focus on your task at hand and not your future problems.

Once the Doc Ock finally made his way into your full view, it was certain that he was anomaly. He looked like he came out of a steampunk movie, a stark difference to the modernity of Gotham.

You two went with your usual plan, Miguel would distract the villain of the day while you would transport the civilians or at least warn them. You made quick work transporting the citizens away from the expected vicinity of the fight.

You made your way back to your husband after dropping off the final citizen to safety. You were greeted to the sight of multiple pairs of mechanical arms reaching for Miguel as he avoided them with ease. You made eye contact with him, another silent agreement made between you two.

You shot a web towards the Doc Ock, taking his attention away from your husband, his rage now aimed at you. His barely coherent shouts weren’t a deterrent to you as you taunted him. While he was distracted with you, Miguel had easily snuck up on him and punched him square in the face.

But that wasn’t enough to take him down, it was never that easy. He was quick to get back on his feet and reach the tentacles out at both of you. You and Miguel jumped in sync, shooting a web at either side of the anomaly. You delivered a quick kick to the stomach and back flip out of the way before Miguel prepared to deliver another blow.

The fight felt almost one-sided, with the Doc Ock barely landing his punches on either of you. But this was good, the faster you finished this, the less chances that one of Gotham’s vigilantes would see you.

The comms were unusually quiet tonight, so Damian definitely wasn’t surprised to hear that a new villain was out to make a name for himself in Gotham. He was quick to move to the scene of the crime, but what he saw was something definitely not expected.

Two figures were fighting with this new villain— which speaking of, looked out of place in Gotham. The two new heroes were wearing skin-tight suits with an animal theme, specifically spiders, not unusual for heroes.

They moved expertly around the offender. like dancing around a ballroom. In fact, Damian had stopped himself from interrupting their fight in fear of ruining the clear rhythm they had together. Their moves were calculated, landing their punches and mostly avoiding getting hit themselves. These were not some vigilante or hero-wannabes. No, they were trained, their experience clearly showing through their movements, the way they took down the rogue with little to no difficulty. They fought with him as if they had gone head to head multiple times, moving as if they could read his mind.

“Robin, what’s the hold up?” Barbara’s voice snapped out of his daze. He remained silent for a few more seconds, attempting to examine the figures more closely and find out their identities. The villain itself was certainly going to be easily identified, with his face not even being covered. However, the two others would be harder. Not a single patch of skin was left uncovered.

“Oracle, does there happen to be two heroes that have been operating under our radar for a while? Say, for at least 2 years?”

“No way, that’s basically impossible.” Barbara said, in disbelief of the implication of Damian’s words.

“Apparently it is. There’s two people fighting against the rogue and they’re handling themselves pretty well. It’s almost as if it was the norm for them.”

“Hm… Let them handle the problem then. Follow and investigate them when they finish.”

“Duly noted.”

He stayed perched high above, watching and studying the two as best as he could. When the fight finally finished, he watched the two wrap the now unconscious rogue in a web-like substance and inject him with a liquid. They spoke to each other before one of them picked up the villain. The other swung in front of them, as if they were leading the way to some place. Damian stalked after them, making sure to stay as close as he could without getting noticed.

He was surprised to find that the one leading knew their way around Gotham, like they had gone past these streets multiple times. The place they ended up in seemed oddly familiar to Damian, but he wasn’t able to pin point what it reminded him of.

He watched as one of them pressed the doorbell hesitantly. When it opened, Damian was finally able to reason why this place seemed so familiar. It had been the place that you grew up in. The face of his only blood sibling’s aunt was practically engraved in his head after you had gone missing 5 years ago. Your aunt had called and visited the manor almost every day for a year after you disappeared. Now she was standing next to an opened door.

While you and the rest of the family hadn’t always been on good terms, they still cared for you and tried everything they could to find any traces of you, including Damian himself, albeit, a bit reluctantly. While they still hadn’t given up, the hope in finding you was slowly dwindling. After all, if the world’s greatest detective couldn’t find their own child, the who could? Your aunt had been distraught when she was given the news that you were basically a cold case.

So imagine his and your aunt’s surprise when he sees your face after one of the figures pulled off their mask. It wasn’t identical to the face he last saw 5 years ago, there were a few minor changes, like new scars, and you definitely looked older, but hew knew it was you. You had the same smile, the one he was greeted with when he was first introduced to the manor, the same one he always rejected because you were bound to be a liability with your softness.

Clearly, Damian’s assumptions were wrong. Clearly, you were able to not only defend yourself, but also other people, as shown form the fight he witnessed not even 20 minutes ago.

He was dumbfounded. You disappeared for 5 years and now you come back, suddenly having extensive knowledge in the battlefield, with another person fighting alongside you. He had so many questions. Where did you go? Who was this other person? Why return only now? But those weren’t the most important matter at hand. Right now, he had to inform the rest of the family about your status.

“Oracle, open communications to the whole group.” He could hear the words of the other members in his ears.

“Robin, report.”

“I’ve found the identity of one of the vigilantes.”

“Well? Why is it so important that the whole group had to listen?”

“It’s [Name].”

The silence was even more deafening than the usual chatter.

You stood in the aftermath of the battle, rubble everywhere. Bruce would probably pay to fix this later. Thankfully, the civilians got your warning and didn’t wander back into the vicinity of the fight, but you didn’t expect anything less from the citizens of Gotham.

You called out your husband’s name, catching his attention.

“I have a place we can go to. The person that owns it is someone I’ll trust with my life, don’t worry.” You shot down any possibility of arguments as soon as you could. Miguel grunted in response, injecting his venom into the anomaly before pinking it up and carrying it like a football under his arm.

“Lead the way.” You shot a web towards the roof of a tall building and started swinging in the direction of the place you grew up in, your aunt’s house.

Your nerves started acting up again. What would you aunt think of the new you? You may look the same but you weren’t the same person you were 5 years ago. So much has happened, what if she doesn’t approve of you? Or worse, not even recognise you?

You walked up to the door you knew all too well. Your mind raced with so many negative thoughts. In the moment, the realisation hit you like a train wreck. There was a chance that she didn’t even live here anymore; a lot can happen in 5 years, you would know.

You held up your hand to the doorbell, the one that you made her install after you moved into the manor. But instead of pressing it excitedly like you used to do all those years ago, your hand stood still right in front of it, as if your hand had been frozen.

“Mi corazón, it’ll be alright. Didn’t you say you trusted this person with your life?” Miguel’s words put an ease to your nerves. You smiled gratefully at him before taking a deep breath and pressing the doorbell.

The time it took for the door to open felt like centuries, but when it did, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. Your aunt’s face was as beautiful as ever, aged but beautiful nevertheless.

The exhaustion and confusion was evident on her face when she greeted you.

“Hello? What do you need?” The cautionary tone and her rigid stance hurt your heart a little bit, but you couldn’t blame her, she lived in Gotham after all.

“Auntie. It’s me.” Her eyes softened when she heard you voice. When you pulled your mask off, you could see the tears welling up in her eyes.

“[Name]?” She asked, full of doubt, but a hint of relief as well. You smiled warmly at her.

“In the flesh.” You let out a small chuckle. Next thing you knew, a pair of arms enveloped your torso. You heard and felt your aunt’s sobs on your shoulders. You hugged her tightly in return, a few tears of your own rolling down your cheeks. When she let go, you instantly missed her warmth, but you pulled yourself together and prepared yourself for the myriad of questions you were bound to be bombarded with.

“Where have you been?!” Yep, you were correct.

“It’s a long story.” You looked to Miguel for help, but unfortunately for you he only smiled at your misery and on top of that, your aunt had seen the small interaction.

“We have all the time in the world. At least answer who this man is at first.” With that, you aunt allowed the two of you, and also the anomaly, inside her house.

Miguel placed the Doc Ock down gently, in fear of destroying any of your aunt’s items. He fixed his posture and adjusted his hologram suit to reveal his face ad he introduced himself.

“Hello. I’m Miguel O’hara, [Name]’s husband.”

“What?!” You expected this reaction. “[Name]! What have you been doing these last few years without me?!”

“Like I said, it’s a long story. It’s better if we get comfortable first.”

“Fine. You better explain everything, especially that… thing over there.” She pointed to the Doc Ock on the floor of her living room. As she did, he glitched, momentarily shocking your aunt.

“We will, don’t worry.”

...

After a long conversation and Miguel occasionally reinjecting the anomaly with his venom, your aunt was finally caught up with your life.

“So, let me get this right. You’re a superhero, alongside your husband, and you two use those watch things on your wrists to help you but they’re broken, which is why you’re here.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Why didn’t you visit me once? Will I ever see you again when they’re fixed?” Your aunt asked dejectedly. Your heart broke at her words. You had just learnt that although your other family had been providing her with money, she chose to stay here to preserve the memories she had with you and you mother, when she was alive. She also still had hope that one day you would return to her, and so she waited expectantly everyday for you, which ended up being worth it, for you were here in her house again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to. Like I said, this return wasn’t even planned. I’ll try to come back when we fix our gizmos, but it’s not a guaranteed chance that we’ll figure it out.” Your aunt visibly deflates at your words.

“Well, if what you want is to return to your new home, then I’ll do my best to help you. Your happiness is the most important thing to me, sweetheart.” A new wave emotions passed through you at her words. You truly were lucky to have her as your aunt. You smiled at her and pulled her into another hug.

“Your the best family anyone could ask for. I love you so much.” Your words were shaky and mumbled as your poured your emotions out. Your aunt hugged you back, patting your back as you hiccupped onto her shoulders.

“I love you too.” She reaches her arm out towards Miguel. He seemed taken aback before hesitantly joining in the group hug. You couldn’t help but mentally laugh as you felt his stiff arms surround the both of you. Your aunt was the first to break apart from the group, with you and Miguel following soon after.

“Now, what do you need to fix that watch of yours?”

Taglist

@kik1010 @cxcilla @00hellohello00 @bluepanda08 @frankie-moon3 @guyfuitty @lumi320 @type-ink @kye-chen-r @sugasweettea @sillyheartmoonnyx @definitely-not-sammie @birbtweettweet @itsberrydreemurstuff @bellethesleepypotato @yaoizee @bat1212 @mybones537 @cim0nnin @ninihrtss @redkarmakai @a-lurking-fae @1abi @lettucel0ver @leeiasure @chericia @yotokx @amber-content

Asks are greatly appreciated as they give me motivation and ideas <3

And Chapter 2 is finally done! I really don't like how it ended, I feel like it was a bit too cheesy but oh well, the pen writes what it wants to write, not me

The aunt was never supposed to play this big of a role in the story but apparently she does now! If you guys want a name for her, let me know and I'll make a poll for everyone to decide

Also I lowkey wanna change the layout of my posts but I'm not sure, so let me know if you guys want me to

Sorry this came out so late, I got busy on the weekends and I thought I had time to do it in school but school's honestly been pretty bad. So far, I only understand like 3 of my subjects and that's cuz 2 of them are revision and the other is literature

You guys know the routine! Mistakes are free to point out and will be fixed as soon as possible

This weeks title comes from the song 'Cabo' by Rick Montgomery, go give him a listen if you haven't already!

[starkenobi]

Truth or Dare | Natasha Romanoff x reader

masterlist — warnings: mcu; +18 romance; a bit of explicit sexual content; a bit of fluff too.

Summary: Y/N is determined to show how much she likes Natasha. There is nothing better than a surprise, right?

After a hectic week filled with missions and reports, Natasha just wanted to relax that Saturday night surrounded by the people she loved the most. However, her plans went down the drain when Clint suggested truth or dare to liven up the night before poker.

“Truth or dare? What are we, kids?”

Her comment was ignored, of course. Everyone loved to tease each other, and what better way to relax after so many horrors than by acting like they were 14?

After a few rounds and a lot of drinking, Natasha had her peace ruined once and for all when she made the mistake of choosing dare. She should have noticed Tony's smirk, her friend's mischievous intentions clear on his face. Others might think that saying "peace ruined" was a bit of an exaggeration, but she was stuck in the cleaning closet with the person she most wanted to avoid.

Or rather, Natasha was head over heels for the one person, unfortunately, who knew how to push all the buttons to get on her nerves. So, when you were both pushed and locked in the cleaning closet, it was obvious that she wouldn't be able to resist your charms. Okay, who was she kidding? As soon as the door was locked, the silence lasted for a brief moment before the two stuck to each other like magnets.

"Hmm, it's been two minutes," you murmured breathlessly, nibbling on the spy's jaw after breaking the kiss. Kissing her neck, your hands slided from her hips to her thighs before continuing your thought. "Can I make you cum in less than 5 minutes?"

Natasha sighed, one of her hands going to your hair to hold it tightly and stop you from kneeling on the floor. Despite her body screaming for your attention, Natasha pushed the hands that were going up her thighs and inside her dress away with light pats.

"Hey, behave yourself!"Natasha grumbled, pulling hard on your hair when you tried to kneel once more. "Please, troublemaker."

Sighing heavily, you rested your head on the redhead's shoulder and your hands returned to her hips. "I know things got weird after that mission we went on together, but I really like you and I don't consider this just some dirty talk between friends."

Natasha wasn't prepared for a speech, even a brief one, from you. Frozen with one hand still in your hair and the other on your back, Natasha had lost all the words to retort at that moment. Swallowing hard, she tried to find a coherent thought, but was interrupted when she felt one of your hands sliding down the inside of her thigh again.

"Y/N..."

"I know," you murmured affectionately, as you placed a few kisses on Natasha's neck again and brought your hand down her dress, caressing Natasha's skin slowly, hoping that the other wouldn't say no again. "Just let me kiss you, okay?"

Without saying anything, Natasha pulled your face up, then kissed you with all the feelings and emotions she had held back. She knew that the best thing to do was to say no, but she also didn't want to deny you anymore. Maybe that wasn't the time for a deeper conversation, with alcohol in the system and friends in the other room.

Maybe the best thing was to press her body against yours, to become even more intoxicated by you, by the way she could tease and leave you breathless with a simple touch of her fingers. To lose herself in the pleasure that was being given to her, allowing you to touch her as if it were second nature, and reciprocating with sighs and soft moans that served only as encouragement.

“Hey, time’s up! You’ve been there for 30 minutes!” Tony’s voice sounded from the other side of the door, a small thud on the wood making both of you jump in surprise. “If you’re having sex, I’m banning you from all future missions!”

With the threat, you were the one who took the initiative to move away, your nimble hands lovingly adjusting Natasha’s clothes and hair. Natasha felt her face blush when she noticed that you weren’ at all discreet, slowly licked your fingers. Sharing a knowing smile, you placed one last kiss on Natasha’s lips before pulling her towards the door.

“Tony, you talk just like my father!” you retorted, opening the door, but receiving no response.

Natasha frowned, not that she would like to hear anyone complain until their ears fell off, but she found the silence strange. Intrigued, she let you pull her out of the bathroom by your intertwined hands, but as soon as you were in the hallway, she stretched on her tiptoes to look over you in an attempt to see if anyone was there.

"Natasha, don't ruin the surprise!" You grumbled, after realizing what the other was doing, letting go of her hand so you could attack her in a bear hug. Natasha let out an indignant little scream, trying to free herself, but when she understood the sentence better, she froze in the other's arms.

"Surprise?"

Without answering out loud, you turned on your heel and, as soon as you were facing the living room, released Natasha from the hug so she could look around. The room was tidy, with no signs that a friends gathering was taking place; some heart-shaped balloons floated tied to various surfaces, while on the coffee table there was a tiny, bright pink cake with a heart in the middle along with a red rose. Natasha let out a little laugh as she glanced sideways at you, who looked apprehensive, but she couldn't hold it in for long and soon threw herself into your arms.

Kissing your face, she wrapped her arms around your shoulders to keep her balance. "What do you want with all this?"

"I want to be your girlfriend.", you answered quickly, a little flustered, your arms tightening around Natasha’s waist. Laughing awkwardly, you rolled your eyes when Natasha arched an eyebrow. "Okay. Do you want to date me?"

Natasha let out a little noise of triumph, placing a long kiss on your lips before humming "Of course I do!"

The two of you exchanged a few more kisses before sitting on the floor next to the coffee table so you could share the cake. It was slightly soggy and the whipped cream was too sweet, but Natasha ate it without stopping smiling and, because of that, you couldn't stop smiling too.

You’d talk more during the next day, take some time to tie up loose ends and get into a more relaxed rhythm. But at that moment? You were happy to be together. Well, until the team returned to the living room, Steve and Sam carried more drinks in their arms, while Clint and Tony screamed at the top of their lungs to some random song, everyone celebrating the new couple.

comments, likes and reblogs are welcome and appreciated! thank you for reading and supporting my writing 💜

[evilminji]

Oh... oh no it's all coming together ( o.o)

Ya'll remember my Danny haunts Space Games post?

That but MORE SO. Harder. Like... ZONE GAME DEVELOPER PASSION PROJECT harder. Because? Special Interest chemicals go brrrrr~☆

And you KNOW... you absolutely FUCKING KNOW! That Danny was minding his business, going about his life, hyped as FUCK for the new Space Game 5 (a niche game but so what? It has REALISTIC physics! It's set on THE MOON!).

Has NOT stopped rambling on about it.

Been driving everyone insane, because it won't be out for MONTHS.

When~?

Youngblood, probably, goes "So what? That sound BORING. There barely anything to DO in that! Not like one of OUR Super Cool ZONE Video Games™. OURS are way better! And we gave LOADS more options then THAT! Now can we get back to-"

Freeze frame, record scratch.

Wait. WHAT!?

Danny is violently answers out of that eternal child faster then you can say "Dude! Chill!" Got them manic Obsession Eyes. Oops. Youngblood forgot Danny is Space Obsessed. But also PROTECTION Obsessed. Meaning he can't LEAVE where he is protecting.

You know.... FOR SPACE.

He needs a work around to feed his Obsession. Video games do it. Since he can go INTO them, but leave at a moments notice, if trouble happens. It's like being both IN SPACE but also AT HIS POST! Double Obsession Feeding! Happy chemicals! Mmmmm, content ecto-goo~

But now? NOW?! He's learning there is BETTER Space?!

WHERE IS THE BETTER SPACE?! *kicks open the portal*

It? Is a terrifying time for everybody. Thanks A LOT, Youngblood. It takes like... five Amazons and Pandora herself tackling the little menace, to get him still long enough to get a semi-coherent answer out of him. Stop him trying to shake down random ghosts for answers they can't GIVE.

Youngblood is grounded.

DANNY has an Obsession-crash headache, is really embarrassed, but honestly no one blames him. No one acts their best when they're Obsession gets suddenly triggered that hard. It was a poor man offered El Dorado, a scholar all the secrets in the world. He got swept up in it.

That SAID, yes, there IS a video game shop near here. There are, of course, countless such shops. It's the Zone. There are countless EVERYTHING. It's the nature of the Zone. Just don't harrass any of the developers and all will be well, Phantom. They're not afraid to put YOU in time out as well.

Deal! ( /☆.☆)/ *grabby hands*

There? Are so, SO many games. For systems Danny's never even HEARD off. Alien ones, new ones, long dead ones. Zone exclusives. It's less a shop and more a sprawling maze.

His grin is FERAL.

Space. Gaaaaaaames!!!

The more realistic the BETTER. Give him that living vicariously like an Astronaut DREAM. But fantasy maybe! Or in the future! Or deep space! Alien mayhaps! There are a few. The blended Obsessions that are kinda like his. Space and video-games instead of Space and Protection.

And? Oh~

Oh they are so SO realistic.

Impossible to play on any Earth computer, too. Not a single chance. Wouldn't even TRY and run. But! He is a Fenton! And he WILL have his Space Games! If his parents can make a portal in their basement? HE can make a Bank of Ectoplasmic Supercomputers in his spare room! Or Bedroom! Depends on renting prices!

He GUTS every landfill for MILES for usable parts.

"Liberates" parts from Rogues, left and right. Fuck their evil plans! He has computers to build! The Justice League? Baffled. Alarmed. Nooooot his problem!!!

He completes his works and? Oh~ the smile is both terrifying and fangy.

Spaaaaaaaace~☆

He starts College. On line, of course, he refuses to leave Amity. And Online can be done at his pace, at his hours. So? For once? He's actually doing WELL. Even BETTER? It helps him remember to leave them games every once and a while. Eat something. Be human.

But... well... it's like a slow flip of his Obsession starving. Now that he has all the Space he could ever want? He... suddenly finds Amity... peaceful? Which is GOOD! It's... it's GOOD.

.........just not for him.

He can almost physically FEEL him mind unclenching it's death grip on the town. Finger by finger. Hands releasing, letting go, as they... reach for something. As he starts taking NOTE of crime rates in major cities. Alien attacks and Rogues, Heros spread too thin, people getting HURT.

In need of PROTECTION.

He... he doesn't WANT to be that fickle. He LOVES Amity! It's his HOME. He wasn't protecting it just because he craved something to protect! In the end, he drags it out longer then he probably should, argues with himself, ignores the problem. Is STUBBORN.

It's only after Dani starts talking about coming back to Amity to stay with him, do the college thing like he did, that he realizes...

Amity's not his Haunt anymore.

They talk. She's excited to help him find a nice shit hole of a city to protect, but also worried because he looks really gaunt. He may LOVE Space... but...

It's the GHOST in him that loves Space. The Astronaut. The Kid who refused to die, who ate a PORTAL TO THE EVERYTHING and crawled out still exsistant, who told Death not only "not today" but "not EVER"? That kid had something to protect. Was and is and always will BE, protection. Himself, his friends, his family or the town. Doesn't matter WHAT it is.

He refused to go, so he could protect them.

The part that DID, though, was starlight. And yeah, he needs it. Feeds it desperately. But it... doesn't exactly support his human half, you know? Doesn't anchor him. Make him want to eat and sleep, be human and alive, connect with people.

Space makes him ghosty.

Dani ultimately convinces him, after spraying him down with a hose and shoving a cheeseburger down his face, to move to Metropolis with her. They get ALIENS! Have Aliens HEROS! BIG DESTRUCTIVE FIGHTS. With lots and LOTS of people who need help! Plus? Gotham is within a day trip!

And UNLIKE Gotham, the Ecto isn't RANK AF in Metropolis.

Seriously, it smells like a burst sewer pipe over there.

Danny agrees. Can totally afford a modest lil place thanks to some patents. Makes one HELL OF A SCENE moving in. With his giant, ominous, futuristic, weirdly day glow green glowing bank of super computers... in this, "we love our Alien Blorbo" Metropolis.

Cause Green and Glowing sure ain't welcome round these parts! No SIR! Somebody call the COPS!

Danny isn't even half way through, when Superman lightly touchs down, a forced grin plastered to his face. The "please, God, not another Rogue. Not a new one. Please!" all but RADIATING off him.

Hmmmmm....

Danny... kiiiinda forgot not everyone was as "I see fuckin NOTHING, man" as Amity natives. Awkward. Welp! Fenton Oblivious Gene's, ACTIVATE!

"Oh, HIIIIIII~☆ Superman! What brings you round these parts? Gosh, it's an honor! Dani! Come meet SUPERMAN!"

Clark knows what he's doing. Danny knows, Clark knows what he's doing. They are both from the Midwest. They ain't gonna break first! You kidding? Clark still has to ask. Inserts himself by INSISTING on helping. A welcome to Metropolis! Ha ha! (How long we gonna lie for, kid? How long? I can do this all day.)

Clark? Learns that Danny has become ABSURDLY knowledgeable about terraforming, spacecraft, aerospace engineering and anything else related to Space Survival. Thanks to... his "games".

Which Clark is PRETTY sure? Are creatively set up, alien, training programs. Cause both of the Fentons are DEFINITELY at least partially non-human. But, eh. Who is he to judge? The "mad scientist" vibe, though... THAT is his to judge. Which he does.

Routine check ins!

And pasta bakes. Because good lord, Fenton, you are skin and bones! And? If it helps with both Watchtower maintenance AND some killer articles? Because Danny is a fountain of Space related knowledge who loves to share it? That's between Clark and the weird, semi-feral, gremlin he's adopted! (Yes, honey, he KNOWS Danny is a grown man. But I did it with BRUCE-)

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @legitimatesatanspawn @hypewinter @mutable-manifestation @the-witchhunter

[runes-fandom-dump]

Ok, everyone's been doing this lately, so I also need myself one of those.

Haven't been able to start doing anything for way too long now. I AM planning on starting going through my to do list now on the weekends, but 3 hours in my day I haven't been very successful about it... So some extra motivation would be extremely helpful right now.

Ok, let's do this:

10 notes I'll do my Finnish Duolingo for today (5 lessons)

20 notes I'll start doing some stupid music assignment that'll take 20 min max what even is the point of music assignments?!

40 notes I'll start the other a bit bigger and less stupid music assignment I still don't get the point of music assignments

70 notes I'll write a review of a random piece of media (most likely GO, anybody surprised?) for English class

100 notes I'll clean my room

200 notes I'll complete my part of the Economics presentation (due on Monday)

400 notes I'll start writing my Economics essay (also due on Monday)

700 notes I'll go ahead and learn Finnish for 2-3 hours cos I really need to and I haven't been doing it for a month already so every time I have the online lesson I have no idea what those guys are talking about

950 notes I'll go for a walk (and may or may not buy myself some chocolate)))

1000 notes I'll go to sleep early (like 22:00 early)

All tasks before the cut are all more or less due on Monday

1200 notes I'll learn some Maths I've been putting off for way too long (it's not school work but still. I'm getting dumb without it)

1500 notes I'll start researching for universities for my future studies

1900 notes Do a presentation about the them for sharing in class (why do we have to do this?!)

2000 notes I'll start finally doing my research practice essay task (first part of which was due a month ago😭) (I did confess to the teacher tho, and she said it's not a big deal now, because it's not even graded, but it is for my own good because next year it will be very much graded)

5000 notes and I'll read the book we have to read for the exam and start getting ready to tell the teacher something coherent for 10 min straight on the exam day (I don't think I'll be physically able to do it, I'll start asphyxiating on the second minute of the speech (not that I have breathing problems, but the social anxiety does things to me))

Idk is that the appropriate amount of notes for each task?....

[nabexis]

Been doing some studies of Viktor and made some observations about his character design that I really like, especially when compared to Jayce. It's a bit long and rambly (and I'm too tired to check if it's coherent) so it's under a cut.

Viktor's design is very A-symmetrical, a visual signal that he's from Zaun. He literally carries the design of Zaun's Asymmetrical design philosophy in his facial features, making him automatically an outsider from the symmetrical design philosophies of Piltover's attempted perfection.

A huge theme with Piltover is that they strive for perfection, while Jayce, the poster boy for Piltover has mostly symmetrical features, he's not *entirely* symmetrical (the scar on his eyebrow, his lips, his hair) but his imperfections, his looks, are downplayed in the Man of Progress imagery. His mouth is closed to hide his tooth gap, he's in 3/4 view so his eyebrow doesn't show that there's not a scar on the other side, Even his hair is slicked directly back (Jayce gets close to this in S1 A2-3 - S2A1 but in S1A1 and S2A2-3 his hair is much less symmectrical looking. The poster of him doesn't even show the way his hair lays on his head correctly.

Jayce, once he starts going through it in the canyon, stops being as symmectrical. He's scratched up, gets scars, and his hair becomes unkempt completely, even when he cleans up a bit during the final two episodes where he's seemingly had a shower and some kind of sleep, his hair is no longer perfect or symmetrical. His design embraces the asymmetry, a visual mark of Viktor's influence on him.

Jayce, as he's wandered into Viktor's commune, his outfit has become completely asymmetrical. This is where Future!Viktor's influence is strongest.

Similarly, Viktor's hair grows longer and slightly more symmetrical-looking when he becomes the Herald in the commune. While his nose doesn't get unbroken, his lips are slightly thinner, making their asymmetry less noticeable. The mole under his right eye disappears into the hexcore's corruption, losing some of that asymmetry. A result of Jayce's actions.

Then near the finale, Viktor loses almost all his Asymmetry when he becomes the Machine Herald. His puppets still show asymmetry, but they're gilded and porcelain feature are far more reminiscent of Piltover than of Zaun, and his own face splits perfectly down the middle, making him lose one of the most promenantly asymmetrical features on his face, his nose. He's transformed into the opposing design philosophy.

Similarly, Jayce's final costume plays with asymmetry more than almost all of his previous outfits (excluding the one he wears in the commune), with his paldron on one shoulder, a sleeve that's shorter on one side, and his hammer being the most asymmetrical part of his design.

IDK where I'm going with this, mostly just observations that Jayce and Viktor's visual language have influenced the other person. Something Something Zaun and Piltover's influences over the characters and where they came from, and how that influence from the other place shows on the character's designs later in the series. Viktor brings the Elitism/Perfection dichotomy from Piltover, Jayce crawls up to Future!Viktor from Zaun, living Viktor's narrative in a literal sense, which, in turn, remade him in a Zaun way over his Piltover origins.

[jasminsstories]

[01:22 am]

pov: you want to wait until zayne comes home, but he works overtime again. when he comes home he finds you asleep already.

fluff. just pure soft fluff. use of pet names (angel, love). zayne x reader

your tired eyes wandered to the top left of your smartphone screen where the numbers of the current time was displayed. “seems like zayne is working overtime again huh”, you muttered to yourself and a yawn left your mouth. your fingers opened the message from him earlier that day where he wrote how we wanted to come right to your place after he is done working. those were the last words he left you. it seemed like the cardiologist got too busy right after. you didn’t even realize how your heavy eyes closed on their own while you read the message again and your phone display darkened right afterwards.

you didn’t know what exactly woke you but you noticed a shifting on the bed and a rustling of the bed sheets. “mhmn..?”, you turned on your back and managed to crack your eyes slightly open. however due to the darkness of the room you couldn’t see or make out anything. “go to sleep again, angel”, you heard a familiar low voice whisper and the warmth of a hand caress your cheek, “sorry, i didn’t want to wake you up.” your drowsy eyes closed again in relaxation, because you were now certain who the person next to you was. so you just leaned your head into his hand and rubbed your cheek slightly against it with a soft sigh, “zayne.. you late.” your sleepy brain was not quite able to form a coherent sentence, but the chuckle from your lover revealed that he couldn’t care less and probably even found it adorable. “i got a sudden emergency operation and it took longer than expected”, the raven haired doctor answered and that’s when he made out your phone right next to you, laying there discarded. carefully he picked it up to put it to safety on your bedside table. you could feel the warmth of his body loom over you while he did this. “…you waited for me?” “mhmm.. yeah” “i didn’t want to make you wait, i’m sorry” you could already imagine his furrowed eyebrows and the apologetic gleam in his orbs behind your closed eyes, so you just shook your head and reached your arms upwards in hopes to find his body. you were lucky and without hesitation you enclosed his broad form to pull him towards you. he let out a surprised sound and instinctively quickly propped his hands against the mattress to prevent his weight completely fall onto you. “doesn’t matter- you are here now”, you mumbled and nuzzled your nose into his hair. a fond smile spread across zayne’s lips and he felt how his exhausted body absorbed the warmth and comfort you provided him even when you were half asleep. slowly he shifted his weight to lay down beside you, snaking his arms around your body to completely engulf you in a hug. you felt his familiar smell and warmth wrap around you and you immediately nestled your head against his chest. the rhythmical, strong beats of his heart, pulled you to sleep again. “i will always come back to you”, he said quietly, not sure if you were still able to hear his words. “good night, my love” zayne pressed a loving kiss on the crown of your head, before he closed his eyes and the world of dreams called him.

✨ note: this got way longer than i thought and intended to, but i’m so down bad for this man. had to get my brain rots out somehow. it’s been really long since i wrote something like this and english is not my first language so excuse me if there are mistakes or it’s a bit wonky on some ends. thinking about writing more zayne stuff in the future, but i’m not sure if there are people who would want to read these ><

[mymarifae]

can i continue introducing the world to my vision. regarding ratio's parents. because i'm so deadset on him having two mothers that i forget it's not canon and i get confused when i see otherwise

look. listen. this is a man who was raised by two very beautiful very elegant femme lesbians. he was son boy allowed. you either understand me or you don't there is no further coherent justification for this i just KNOW. that this is TRUE

(also as i blabbed on twitter: i think his moms are very, VERY loving and accepting. they nurtured his innate curiosity and laid the foundations for his insane future educational career but they never pushed the idea of the genius society of him; they just wanted him to see him grow up well, flourish, and lead a happy life. that whole mess was actually the byproduct of his teachers, tutors, and professors - all of whom he started seeing more often than his mothers by the time he was starting to poke at his first phd. he's fallen out of touch with them over the years, only calling them sporadically and seeing them at various award ceremonies he doesn't want to go to. not out of resentment or anything - more like he's just so, SO busy he barely has time to take care of himself [one of the many good lessons they imparted on him, and one he actually won't be letting go of any time soon], much less maintain old relationships and foster new ones. also, even though they never expected anything of him beyond "be good and do good," the shame and disappointment and guilt he felt when he realized nous would never turn THEIR gaze upon him still made it so hard to face them.

they aren't angry. they still love him dearly, and he is their son. they know his eccentricities and process for dealing with things better than anyone. they know he'll drift back to them, slowly, in his own way. they're patient. they're very proud of him. when the day comes that he finally does return home for a proper visit [maybe with a certain sly little blonde fox in tow], it's like he never left.)

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

Chan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Suicide, Death, Grief, Slight Age Gap, Life after loss, Cursing, Angst, Blood, Brother's Friend, Manic Behavior, Depression, Panic Attacks.

If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal ideation or thoughts of harming themselves, please reach out for help. You never know when someone's last day will be; no one ever does. But if you can help - even just a tiny bit, sometimes a word, text, or even a call can be a catalyst for positive change.

⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹

pt2 Part Three

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The plane touched down with a soft jolt, pulling you from the haze of exhaustion and a slight anxiety. As the aircraft came to a full stop, you stared out the window at the sprawling airport. Korea was now your home - or at least, it would be for the foreseeable future.

As long as things worked out.

Slowly, you disembarked and moved through the crowded terminals, your mind racing. Not with many coherent thoughts, but thoughts none the less.

You could feel the slight stares of some people, but they looked away almost as quickly. You hadn’t been in Korea for years, and the reality of stepping back into this world was a bit overwhelming.

Especially considering last time you were just a small child, watching your brother kickstart his career. You had seen the streets and people over countless video calls, but it had been a while since you had breathed the same air as them.

You ran through the differences in cultural norms and no-no's in your head as a way of keeping busy. It would be a culture shock; but it would be one you were prepared for.

You collected your luggage and made your way to the arrival hall, the bustling noise and movement swirling around you.

You stood there only a second before your attention was drawn. Through the crowd, you spotted a familiar face, even if the one with that face wasn't well known: Mr. Kim, your brother’s old manager, waiting by the barrier.

He was still the same as you had remembered- tall and authoritative, yet his eyes softened as he saw you. "The last time I saw you," he said with a nostalgic smile, "you barely reached my knees." His hand was level to your previous height, and his eyes crinkled.

He didn't seem old, but the age in his face showed years beyond the time he had spent on this planet. The lines of stress and sadness marring his objectively attractive features.

You managed a faint smile, feeling a lump in your throat. "It’s been a while." Hajun hadn't had a proper funeral. Your parents wanted something small, and he was buried quietly. A part of you were angered at the fact. You wished your parents had given him a proper funeral, so others who knew him also could mourn, but they had amounted it to saying there would be other services held by the company and those he knew in Korea; and that his immediate family of all people were the ones who deserved the most intimate goodbye. Which is why they decided to forgo any big production and just have him buried within days of his passing.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and you searched your mind for something to say.

How do you go about things like this? Sorry for your loss? Sorry our loss?

Before you could say anything, a young man with dark hair and a warm smile stepped forward. It was Haru, one of Hajun’s group members. He hesitated briefly, giving you a look before pulling you into a gentle hug.

You instinctively shut your eyes, letting yourself breathe in his scent. It was a while since you had a hug, and it felt so good it was almost as if Hajun was the one holding you in his embrace.

Haru had always smelled like the flowers of his native country. You remembered the distinct cherry blossom and an earthy musk. Smelling it, it was impossible not to think of springtime breezes, and you knew as long as you lived it would be a smell that evoked a sense of peace and grounding within you, a scent that would always remain familiar.

"It’s good to see you again Hime," Haru said softly. He rested his hand on your head gently and smiled. He had referred to you as princess for as long as you could remember.

He was who you would consider Hajun's very best friend. His company was one of the more gracious ones offering substantial rest after great work- and with every holiday Hajun had been able to make it home, or every time the group was resting between comebacks and he decided to fly home, even if only for a weekend, Haru tagged along.

He had been calling you Hime even longer. The first time you had seen him on stage, dancing next to Hajun your 9-year-old self fell in love with the guy who in your eyes was as beautiful as a Prince. Even if Haru was 16 at the time.

"Juju, you met a Prince!" Your lisp due to your missing teeth was endearing, and your parents had laughed at how rosy your cheeks were as you watched Haru dry his sweat with a towel. Hajun grunted as he lifted you into his arms, then laughing as you wiggled wanting to be put down.

"I'm not a baby! He'll think I'm a baby!" You whined, perching yourself behind Hajun's leg as you watched Haru interact with a staff member. He chuckled and turned.

"Haru! Atarashī fan ga dekita to omoimasu. (Haru! I think I've found a fan)" Your eyes widened as unfamiliar words rolled off of your brother's tongue, those words causing the dark haired boy to turn in your direction. You immediately slinked back behind your brother even more, as Haru squatted down to your eye level. "Kanojo wa anata no koto o ōji-samada to omotte imasu.(She thinks you're a prince)"

He had smiled and waved. "What's your name?" You just stared and didn't answer, honestly a little shocked to how well he spoke English, little you blind to the fact that he had spent a few years of his youth in America. He gave a mock pout. His eyes bright and kind. "I didn't think Princesses were usually this shy. I guess I'll just have to call you Hime. Is that okay, Hime?"

His eyes had held that same kindness that you had first seen in them all that time ago and every time after. A type of kindness that couldn't be ignored. The followers of Eclips3 often referred to Hajun and Haru as their "spring" due to their similar demeanors. Haru being more so the start of Spring, the transition of cold to warm, and calm. While Hajun was the warmth into something a bit fierier and more energetic. The countless videos you had seen captioned "Our Spring" that captured the wholeness of their relationship made your heart ache with longing.

Another two men, Jiho and Sunwoo, stepped forward, their expressions mirroring Haru’s kindness. They also gave you warm hugs, and you could sense their familiarity. You had met them a few times maybe at most three, but they had always been friendly and welcoming, treating their beloved maknae's family as their own.

Jiho and Sunwoo looked at each other, and the older one spoke first.

"Y/N...we...we wanted to say-"

You shook your head. "You don't have to apologize or say sorry for your loss... or our loss. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's..." You felt robotic as you said those things, as if you didn't believe them yourself. "I'm just glad that while he was here, he had you guys. So thank you." Your tone wasn't rude, but it conveyed that Hajun was something that you wished to not talk about at the moment.

Mr. Kim placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "We’re here for you now- to support you, Y/N. We’re your family now, just as we were for Hajun."

A surge of emotion welled up inside you, and you took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You had done so good keeping it in since you had embarked on the plane journey, so good as your feet touched the ground at Incheon. But the presence of these familiar faces, people who had known your brother and had shared moments with him, provided a strange mix of comfort and sadness, that was threatening to break down that wall.

"We should get going," Haru said, his voice gentle. "The car is waiting outside. And while I'm sure paparazzi wouldn't recognize you in quick, they'll recognize us, and I'm sure you don't want the cameras on you at this point in time."

You nodded, allowing them to guide you through the airport and out into the crisp air. You watched as a few people snapped pictures, and it felt odd to you that they had that much audacity to invade their personal lives in a time like this.

Shouldn't they at least give them time to mourn before taking pictures? It's been a little over almost two months but still.

Haru and Sunwoo stood in position to cover your face in a subtle enough way that it seemed to be accidental.

As you settled into the car, surrounded by people who had been part of your brother’s world, you felt a small flicker of hope. This new chapter was beginning with a sense of connection to your past, even if Hajun wasn’t there to walk through it with you.

As the car pulled away, you glanced out the window, taking in the unfamiliar landscape.

"So, uh, if you don't mind me asking what made you want to come to Korea...and take after...take after Jun..." Jiho asked quietly. He was sitting in the middle row with Sunwoo. He was turned slightly in his seat and so was Sunwoo.

You felt Haru tense in the seat next to you, and visibly saw Mr. Kim's shoulders grow stiff.

Your jaw twitched slightly as you stringed together the right words to figure out what to say.

Jiho took this as you being angered by the question and started to apologize, but you spoke in a firm an even voice.

"This is my gift...my...favor to him. He left things behind. No reason in letting it go to waste."

It was simple. Maybe too simple. But if you said anymore, it would be hard to explain your thought process to him. It seemed like it worked though, since rather than continue the conversation Mr. Kim changed the direction of your chatter.

"First, let me say that the company is very interested in you," He began, his voice calm but deliberate. "When the proposal was first brought up, there were mixed reactions. It’s not every day that we consider bringing the sibling of a deceased idol into the fold, especially one as beloved as Hajun. There were concerns, naturally, about how the public would react - whether it would be seen as a tribute or as something exploitative. But once we discussed it more those concerns began to fade."

He leaned forward slightly, his eyes locking with yours in the rearview mirror as if to make sure you understood the gravity of what he was saying. "The company recognizes that you’re not just Hajun’s sister; but you’re an individual with your own talents and dreams. It didn't hurt that when Hajun was alive, he tended to brag about you and your abilities a lot." That sparked a couple of smiles and laughs from the guys in the car- and even a smile from you. "They want to help you develop those talents, or teach you the skills you need to learn in order to do well, but they’re also aware of the weight of expectations that will be placed on your shoulders because of who your brother was. That’s something we’ll have to navigate carefully."

Mr. Kim paused for a moment, letting the words sink in before continuing. "Training will be intense, as it always is. You’ll be put through rigorous training. While the language training deosn't seem like it will be a big issue, we'll still have to focus on dance and vocal training, regardless of how well you think you can perform. The company will expect you to work hard, just like any other trainee. But because of your connection to Hajun, there might be additional pressure - both from the public and from within the company - to see you succeed quickly. If you adapt well, there’s a possibility you could debut within a year, maybe even sooner, depending on how fast you progress."

He glanced at the group of Hajun’s former bandmates - Jiho, Sunwoo, and Haru, who were watching you both with a mix of concern and quiet encouragement. "Your relationship with the remaining members of Eclips3 will be important," Mr. Kim continued. "The company is considering the idea of you training alongside them, possibly even joining them in some capacity. They’ve already agreed to help you with your training, especially since they know you and care about you. Sunwoo, for instance, has volunteered to assist with your vocal training, and Jiho is eager to help you refine your dancing skills whenever needed. Haru, as the one closest to you, will likely take on a sort of mentor role for you."

He hesitated for a moment, then added, his expression turning more serious - "While you most likely won’t officially debut until a year or so from now as I said, due to the special circumstances, you’ll almost instantaneously be thrown into the spotlight. Given your background and connection there’s no avoiding it. Not to mention you won’t be participating in survival shows like a lot of trainees; the company is already planning to arrange for you to appear in other media - variety shows, interviews, and even special features. They want to introduce you to the public in a way that builds anticipation and interest..." He paused, clearly choosing his words carefully. "I want to be honest with you and say while we don’t intend for this to be exploitative, the reality is that everything in this industry is, at its core, a business. Simply put, the company agreed to this path so easily due to the amount of pull it will have to the public. Meaning more money for the. Your journey will most likely be one that is broadcasted extensively, with the story behind it being a focal point. I wouldn't even be surprised if they made a documentary off of it one day. Not for his legacy but for money..." His voice was sad, tinged with what sounded like regret. "The public will be fascinated, not just because you’re Hajun’s sister, but because of the emotional narrative that comes with it. I wished it didn't amount to this. But it all comes back to money, even in delicate situations like this."

"Regardless I admire you greatly for doing this. Because I know your intentions are pure, even if the industry's isn't. We’ll do our best to protect you from the harsher aspects of this process, but you need to be prepared for the fact that your every move will be watched closely. This journey, while deeply personal for you, will be a spectacle for others. It’s a difficult balance, but if we handle it right, it could also be an opportunity for you to share your story on your own terms. To share Hajun's story..." He took off his glasses and wiped the bridge of his shirt with his nose, giving himself a minute. "It'll be a great opportunity for you to cement his memory as something positive rather than a tragedy. To allow us to remember him the way we knew him." His voice was somewhat shaky and you turned away not wishing to see him cry. Jiho, Sunwoo, and Haru were all sitting in a deep silence, and you didn't look up in case you were to see a stray tear.

"Housing will be arranged close to the other members, so you’ll have a support system nearby." Mr. Kim's voice was back to an even enough tone as he pulled himself together. "The company understands that this is a strange and difficult situation, so they want to make sure you feel supported - emotionally, not just professionally." Mr. Kim stopped once more, as if in thought. "You’ll have access to counseling and any other resources you might need as you transition into this new chapter of your life."

His words hung in the air, heavy with both promise and the unspoken weight of what lay ahead. But there was also a sense of hope, a belief that, despite the challenges, this could be the start of something meaningful -not just for you, but for everyone who had been touched by Hajun’s legacy.

And he was right, it was an opportunity for you to shape the narrative of Hajun.

"What about you guys?" The words almost flew off your tongue, you didn't even comprehend thinking of the question. "What is going to happen with you guys?"

Jiho’s voice was low, a hint of resignation coloring his words as he explained the situation. "We’ve disbanded," he said, the finality of the statement hanging heavy in the air. "Losing two members back-to-back...losing Hajun..." His breath was soft. "None of us want to step on stage again. Music doesn't bring that same joy. If it wasn't for you, than I more than sure all of us would have completely departed from the idol life."

"We were already on hiatus after...after the scandal..." Sunwoo didn't even speak their former leader's name. "And now that we lost our maknae..." His voice held a deep affection and love for Hajun, and your heart pounded with an ache. "It was inevitable."

You nodded in understanding. Haru's voice ringing last.

"Music isn't something I enjoy anymore." He spoke in Japanese, and looked up as if he could see through the roof of the car. If he could see his best friend. "It's just a means of work to distract me."

His dark eyes met yours. "But at least it'll be with you Hime. So, I get to see a little bit of Hajun. Right Hime?" His voice was cracking and his eyes watering.

That kindness being flooded by something that mirrored your own woes. But never disappearing. No, not fully. Never fully.

Even in the quiet, aching absence of what once was, Haru still radiated a brightness that couldn’t be dimmed. Even with the knowledge of the torment he carried inside, you still selfishly basked in the compassion that encompassed him. His smile would remain as warm as ever, even if there was a subtle shadow behind it, a testament to the internal struggle against the anguish he bore in silence.

He was light. He was good. Too good.

Hajun was good. He was so good. Too good. Too good for whatever this world was.

The fandom had been right to call Hajun and Haru their spring. The love and warmth and peace and life that had radiated from both of them was like an eternal spring. Like the fresh blooming of flowers after the melting of the winter snow.

They were spring.

And Hajun's loss was like the wilting of the first cherry blossoms, their vibrant beauty fading too soon.

A death that left Haru standing alone in a season that would never fully return.

⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹

If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal ideation or thoughts of harming themselves, please reach out for help. You never know when someone's last day will be; no one ever does. But if you can help - even just a tiny bit, sometimes a word, text, or even a call can be a catalyst for positive change.

988 - USA Suicide Prevention Hotline | 24 Hours 111 - Helpline UK | 24 hours 1393 - Suicide Hotline Korea | 24 hours

⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric

@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee

@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin

@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun

@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael

@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads

@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld

@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9

@minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg

@0325tiny @resi4skz @soaplickerrr

@leezanetheofficial @stressymessyana @istglevi-gotmesimping

@hannamoon143 @kayleefriedchicken

[emomattagenda]

I saw that you had said that you were neutral on the matt pegging thing, so, I was wondering if we could get a oneshit ir head canons of subby!matt getting pegged fir the first time??

ask and you shall receive!! (sorry i'm like a week late to this though, it got lost in my notifs 😭)

pegging sub!matt headcanons:

- if it's your idea, he's taken completely by surprise (like choking on his drink unable to respond at first) but willing to hear you out

- if it's his idea, he's super hesitant to bring it up, worried you'd think it's weird, but super relieved when you're open to it

- you'd both be very lighthearted about it when preparing for it, like he probably wants to help you pick out the strap (he'd probably jokingly say something like "it's going in MY ass, i get to pick what it is!" followed by both of you laughing)

- you guys browse a toy website together to pick it out and he gets intimidated by some of the options, almost chickening out at first but you eventually find one he seems comfortable with trying

- when the toy arrives and it's finally time, the lightheartedness and giggling is replaced with nerves, you nervous to hurt him, him nervous to actually go through with this

- you wear something special under your clothes, lacey lingerie, a nice matching bra & panties set, just something special & sexy for him since this is a special night out of the norm

- when you get the strap fastened around your waist and he sees you wearing it, he's at a loss for words

- he'd be laying on the bed, red faced and staring at you after you get it on. ("what?" "i just... underestimated how hot you'd look in that...")

- you spend a lot of time getting him comfortable & worked up so he's less nervous

- you give him a lot of praise as well, not using much, if any, degradation tonight

- eventually he's whimpering under you and begging you to fuck him

- JUST IMAGINE HIM WHINING AND BEING LIKE "okay, i think i'm ready, please fuck me..." UGHHH

- as soon as you start and get a rhythm going all his nerves melt away and he turns into a whimpering, shivering mess under you

- he'd be so flustered & overwhelmed (in a good way) that he wouldn't be able to form coherent sentences, just moans and whines and mumbled words

- just imagine telling him how pretty he looks getting fucked by you and how good he's taking it and seeing his reaction

- he catches sight of a mirror in the bedroom and watching you fuck him is what sends him over the edge

- even though it goes well, i don't think it's something he'd want frequently. i think very rare occasions, or maybe it's a one time thing just to try it. i feel like he'd prefer to feel you for real, and he'd prefer a way that gives you pleasure, too

hope you enjoyed these hcs anon! ik this was pretty short, maybe i'll write a one shot at some point in the future.

[runesandramblings]

I Just Want You

Word Count: 1400

Pairings: Fili x reader

Warnings: None

Description: Royal wedding plans begin to take their toll, but there's only one thing you require to make the day perfect.

Requested by anon so I don't have a way to tag you I'm sorry! But I hope you enjoy. 😇

“What do you think, nâtha? The lilies or the orchids?” 

You buried your face in your hands. The pounding against your temples, something that had become a familiar sensation as of late, began to worsen as you tried to piece together any coherent sentence. There were only three words that came to mind, the same three words you’d uttered countless times over the past several weeks. 

“I don’t know.” 

The joy of yours and Fili’s engagement had subsided the moment you’d broken the news to your families. With FIli being the crown prince and heir, there was no way Dis and your mother would let it be a simple affair. Invitations had already been sent out to every corner of Middle Earth, and you’d been occupied from sunup to sundown every day with planning. The dress, the flowers, the food… 

You were from a simple merchant family. The pomp and ceremony of royalty made no sense to you. Where you’d grown up, weddings were a simple affair. Most couples in your small village chose to elope rather than go through the bother of an elaborate ceremony. You’d have been more than happy to do the same. However, your mother and future mother in law had both been quick to dismiss the idea. 

“It’s no matter, dear. We have time to decide.” Your mother pulled several small scraps of fabric, ranging from the purest snow white to the creamier shades of ivory. She laid them out against the table and gestured to each. “Which color do you think for the dress? We’ve got to begin sewing soon if it will be ready in time.” 

Before you had the chance to respond, Dis laid out several different styles of gold and silver fabric beside the scraps your mother had laid down. 

“And what of the trim? You’ve got to decide if you prefer gold accents or silver. But I do suppose that would have an effect on the choice of flowers…” She trailed off, lost in her own world of thought. 

You could feel your pulse radiating against your temples as the migraine that had been forming worsened. This was the issue exactly. It wasn’t just selecting a dress. It was selecting a type of fabric, a trim, lace… And that had to coordinate with the flowers or else…

Or else what, exactly? Would the world cease to exist if the flowers and trim didn’t go together? Would Mahal himself descend from the sky if the food and the wine didn’t pair perfectly? 

You looked from where you sat at the head of the long, carved wood table to the opposite end. Fili sat on his own, silently working through a stack of parchments Thorin had given him. He hadn’t been overly involved in the plans, as your mothers had taken over almost immediately. But you’d expressed to him how stressful the process had been, and he’d decided to come sit with you for moral support. He met your gaze and gave you a gentle smile. It sent butterflies through your stomach, as it always did. He was all you needed, truly. You could get married in the same, tattered old dress he’d met you in carrying a bouquet of wildflowers for all you cared. As long as he was there, it was all you required.

“(Y/N)?” 

Your mother’s voice brought you back to the less desirable reality. She and Dis were both staring at you expectantly, the colored swatches of cloth still spread out across the table in front of you. 

“Silver or gold-”

“First, she has to decide on a shade of white. Which shade do you prefer, (Y/N)?” 

“Well it might help to decide on the accent first, then she can pick a white that goes with that.” 

As Dis and your mother began speaking over each other you buried your face in your hands once again. The pounding against your temples became rhythmic, a steady thump that seemed to grow louder and louder as their voices overlapped. You felt as though you might go mad if the pounding and the questions didn't stop soon.

“(Y/N)-” Dis started. 

“I don’t know!” You cried again, finally raising your head to look at the two of them. “I don’t know, okay? And I don’t care. Just pick a color. Whatever you both want.” 

You flung yourself back in the chair, crossing your arms over your chest. It was unlike you to have such an outburst, but you were exhausted. There were too many questions, too many decisions. You’d be more than happy for them to make the choices and just tell you when and where to show up on the day of. 

“And what do you want, amrâlimê?” 

The three of you turned your attention to the end of the table as Fili piped up. He’d laid his parchments to the side. His eyes were not on either of your mothers, but on you. You could see the genuine concern etched in the lines that furrowed between his brows. He knew the planning had begun to take a toll, and now he was able to see the full amount of stress that you were under. 

You felt tears begin to sting the corners of your eyes. 

“I just want you.” You said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Your mothers exchanged shameful glances across the table, finally seeming to realize just how much they’d piled on you at once. FIli’s expression softened as he continued to look at you, his eyes never breaking away to look at anyone else in the room.

“Could you leave us for a moment?” He asked. 

Dis and your mother stood silently, collecting the fabric and other wedding items they’d strewn across the table. You felt Dis place a hand apologetically on your shoulder as she followed your mother from the room. 

Once they’d gone Fili’s smile widened. He extended his hand to you, gesturing for you to come join him at the end of the table. You stood and quickly walked around to where he sat. Once you were within his arm’s reach he grabbed you, pulling you down by your waist and plopping you into his lap. As soon as your legs touched his he stretched his face up to your neck, peppering light kisses up and down your collarbones. You giggled as his mustache braids tickled the exposed skin of your neck, his lips working their way up to plant kisses along your cheeks. He finally found your mouth and pressed his delicately against yours, making it the gentlest and sweetest kiss of them all. 

You felt a contented sigh escape your lips as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. You rested your chin on top of his head as your fingers began to slowly brush through his hair, careful as always not to disturb his perfectly placed braids. The feeling of his arms wrapped snugly around your waist had already alleviated the nervous pit in your stomach, and you wondered how it could have only been moments ago that you were stressed to the point of breaking down in tears. He was your safe place, your calm within the storm. 

“We don’t have to make it into a spectacle, you know.” He murmured into the collar of your dress. “It can just be the two of us, whenever and wherever you want.” 

“We can’t.” You said, wistfully. If only it were that simple. 

“And who says so?” 

“You’re the prince-”

“To hell with that.” He said, pulling back just enough to look up at you. “Thorin’s already given his blessing for us to skip the whole affair.” 

“But our mothers-”

“To hell with them too.” His expression quickly changed from confidence to one of fear as he looked over his shoulder. “Don’t tell them I said that.” 

You giggled again, pulling him closer to you as he nuzzled his face into your neck once more. 

“Amrâlimê, I will go get Balin right now and have him perform the ceremony in this very room.” He continued. “I don’t need the flowers or the food or the party. I just want you, too.” 

You pulled back again, just enough to look down into his eyes. He was smiling up at you, his eyes sparkling with the same joy as they had the first day you met. He was all you needed, now and forever. 

“I think that sounds absolutely perfect.” You said, brushing back a few loosened strands of his golden hair. “On one condition.”

He looked at you expectantly as you continued. 

“You have to tell our mothers.”

nâtha - daughter

amrâlimê - my love

[jetii]

Event Horizon

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pendulum

Chapter WC: 11,047

Chapter Tags/Warnings: author does not understand the Force and is doing whatever the hell she wants (threatening), angst

A/N: There are so many things I could say about this chapter but none will adequately capture the process I went through to get this out of my head and onto the page. I apologize in advance for the heavy handed use of metaphor. And for the everything else.

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Coruscant, 21 BBY

You wake to the sound of birds and a bright stream of sunlight shimmering through your window, and you immediately roll over and shut your eyes. You've only slept for a handful of hours, and the idea of waking up is almost too much to bear. But the sunlight continues to shine through the blinds, and the birds continue to sing, and the more you try to ignore it, the more awake you become.

With a resigned sigh, you force yourself to sit up, the blanket pooling around your waist. The movement causes the room to spin, and you blink hard, waiting for the sensation to pass. When the world finally settles, you look around the room and find the bottle of water and the pills on the bedside table.

You swallow the medicine and gulp down the water, and once the pain has faded and the nausea has passed, you push the covers aside and get to your feet. It’s not the worst hangover you’ve ever had, but it is the worst one you’ve had in months, and the thought alone is exhausting. You're not even sure how you made it back to the Temple from the barracks without falling over.

Your usual morning routine takes longer than usual, but by the time you step out of the refresher and dress, the fog has lifted from your brain. Once you’re presentable, you grab your comm link and check for messages, and you smile to yourself when you see the few you and Rex had exchanged last night.

You: Made it back to the Temple. We only stopped to vomit once.

Rex: Thanks for letting me know. Rex: We?

You: Booker. He’s going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow.

Rex: [Image attached] Rex: Echo too. Rex: He says hi, by the way.

You: I’m impressed he’s still coherent.

Rex: That’s why I made him ARC trooper.

You’d fallen asleep after that, and now, in the light of day, you can't help but feel a little silly. The conversation was short, and yet, it had left you smiling, and the warm, tingly feeling in your chest is back.

It's strange, the difference a single day can make. Yesterday, you were determined to distance yourself from him, to forget your feelings and put a stop to the budding romance before it could start. Now though, all of those feelings are back, and they're stronger than ever. 

The mere thought of Rex sends your pulse racing. And the idea of him loving you in return, of a relationship or a future together, is almost too good to be true. You have no doubt that the reality is much less pleasant, and that the situation is far more complicated, but the hope inside of you refuses to go away.

A small voice in the back of your mind tells you to stop this, to not risk it. But the other voices, the ones that want Rex, and love him, and crave a relationship with him, are louder. And right now, the voices telling you to move forward are the ones you're listening to.

But as much as you want to run off and find Rex, to talk to him and sort this out, you need time to think. There are too many questions and too many uncertainties, and the last thing you want is to make things worse. And there's always one thing that helps you think.

You: Still up to spar this morning?

Booker: can’t Booker: dead

You roll your eyes and type a reply.

You: You promised.

The minutes tick by, and the three dots appear, disappear, and reappear, before finally disappearing altogether. When the screen remains blank, you sigh and shove the comm link into your pocket. Looks like you'll be finding something else to occupy your time.

The halls of the Temple are quiet when you step out of your room. The early hour and the weekend mean that the place is deserted, and you make your way to the training room with only a handful of encounters. A couple of younglings are in the hall outside the library, their eyes wide as they watch you walk by. You give them a small wave, and they bow their heads and scurry away, their voices fading down the corridor.

When you reach the training room, you're surprised to find it just as silent as the rest of the Temple. It feels strange, wrong even, to be here and not have the place buzzing with activity. Even the lights seem dimmer than usual, the sunbeams streaming through the windows a poor substitute for the usual overhead lamps.

You used to crave the silence, doing everything you could to avoid the bustle and noise, but the quiet is uncomfortable now. After so many months at war, surrounded by people and chaos, the emptiness seems strange. Almost lonely.

You shake your head and step further inside, and a quick scan of the usual spots tells you that the training room is, in fact, completely empty. There are no signs of life, no indication that anyone has been here today, or will be for a while. Just you, the dust, and the silence, the tidiness a stark contrast to the chaotic energy of the last battle.

The last battle. You glance down at your hands, your eyes tracing the scars on your palms. The memory of the power that coursed through you, the heat and the energy, makes your fingertips tingle.

You don't understand what happened. This thing inside you doesn’t seem to want to leave, no matter how much you want it to, no matter how much meditation or positivity or mindfulness you try. 

You’d foolishly thought it would fade after your conversation with Rex on the Resolute, that coming to terms with your emotions and your past would help you. And for a while, it had seemed to. You'd been calmer, more at peace, and the anger had seemed easier to manage. But the last battle, the sight of your men in danger, had caused it to come back in full force.

Maybe it will never go away. Maybe this thing will stay with you forever, no matter how hard you try to suppress it. Maybe it's who you are now. A Jedi with a temper, a warrior with a short fuse, a general with an unsteady hand. A person with too much anger, too much sadness, too much of everything.

It's not a comforting thought.

The last time you were here, you’d sparred with Obi-Wan. You held your blade to his chest and nearly killed him. And he forgave you, because that's what Obi-Wan does. But neither of you had ever forgotten how close you came to falling. How easy it would've been for you to snap and lose control.

How easy it still could be.

The memory makes your chest tighten, and you press a hand against your sternum and force yourself to inhale. You didn’t do it, you remind yourself, and you didn’t kill Dooku as Obi-Wan had feared you would. You didn't chase after him and try to strike him down, or fall prey to his false promises.

Instead, you'd turned your back on him and left.

A small part of you regrets the decision, but the larger, more rational part knows it was the right choice. It's what a Jedi would do. And as much as you don't feel like it sometimes, you are a Jedi. A Jedi Master. You made a commitment to the Order, to the Force, and to the galaxy. And you can't give up on that just because the anger is hard. Because the pain is too much. Because the memories are too raw.

You can't lose control.

With a sigh, you make your way towards the center of the room. You don't bother grabbing a weapon, and you don't bother stretching, either. You hold out your hands, palms out, and take a deep breath.

Dooku said he could teach you how to control the Force, to master the rage and the pain inside you. You’re not sure if he was lying, if it was simply an attempt to trick you or rile you, or if there is a truth to his words. Regardless, his offer weighs heavily on your mind, and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to shake it. 

You’d rather die than be his apprentice, his anything, but...you'd be a fool not to consider his words. Not to at least entertain the possibility of learning how to control the darkness within you. To turn it into something useful, or at the very least, make it bearable.

Obi-Wan would say no. That much is certain. He'd say that the anger and the rage aren't worth it, that you can't learn how to use the Dark Side without becoming a monster. And he's right. But that doesn't change the fact that Dooku was right, too.

This rage is a part of you. A part that can't, and won't, go away. The question isn't if it will come back, but how often, and how strong. How far will you go, and what will it take for you to stop? Will the next time be the time that you cross the line and fall into the darkness, or will it be the time after that, or the time after that? When will it finally become too much, and what will you lose in the process?

Rex can't be the reason you stop. Or the cause of your downfall. You can't drag him into the middle of this, can't force him to be the person who stops you from going too far. He can't be the person who pulls you back, or the person who holds the leash, or the person who saves you. Because you know he would, no matter the cost. You can't let that happen. He deserves better.

And so, you'll have to figure this out on your own. Somehow. Some way.

You close your eyes and inhale slowly. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Your shoulders drop, the tightness in your jaw and the ache in your spine easing slightly.

You need to learn how to control the rage. You can't keep living like this, and you can't keep putting those around you at risk. And if you can learn how to use it, if you can use the anger to your advantage, well...the benefits could be limitless. 

The things you could do. The battles you could win. The Separatists would have no chance. Countless lives would be saved. And no more of your men, your friends would die. Rex would be safe. He'd live.

He deserves to live.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Your shoulders drop, and the weight on your chest fades slightly. The darkness in your mind, the pain and the fear, eases, and you feel yourself slip deeper into the Force. It’s a whisper of a song, a melody just out of reach, and the closer you focus on it, the clearer it becomes. It wraps around you, enveloping you in its warmth, and for a moment, everything is calm. Everything is peaceful.

Yaddle had always taught you to be the current, the wind, the water. To follow the pull of the Force and let it guide you. She told you to flow, to dance, to let go. 

And yet, there are times that the pull is stronger than the current, the need greater than the need to let go. Those are the times you need to fight, to claw, to hold onto the threads with every fiber of your being. The times that the only option is to bend, or break.

Those are the times you need to win.

The muted hum of the Force grows louder, the vibration becoming a song you’ve heard a thousand times before. But there’s a discordant note in the melody, a sharp edge that hadn't been there before. The longer you listen, the more pronounced the discord becomes, and the harder you have to strain to hear the music beneath it.

It doesn’t feel like a gentle breeze or a quiet river. Instead, it feels like a torrent of water, a wave ready to crash down on unsuspecting ships. Like the moment of silence between the lightning and the thunder, the anticipation heavy enough to make the air tremble.

This is not the Force you know.

This is something else entirely.

And so, you don't let go. You grasp the threads and pull, tugging and yanking and ripping until the current changes direction, the waves rising higher and higher. Until the Force is yours, the power filling your veins, and the rage is under your control. 

You need to break free of it. You need to tear the power apart, destroy the thread and shatter the current, and find the other side. And once you do, once you have control, you can turn it into something more. Something stronger. Something that doesn't hurt.

You hold the darkness in your hands, and for a moment, you can feel the lightness. You can feel the power, the potential, the possibilities. And with a single thought, a single spark, you could have it all.

This is what it's supposed to feel like.

It's the feeling of the first bite of food after days without eating. Of the first drink of water after wandering the desert. Of the first kiss after a lifetime of loneliness.

It's a feeling of rightness, of certainty, of power.

It's a feeling that terrifies you.

Your eyes fly open, and the training room disappears.

Instead, you’re standing in the courtyard in front of the Great Tree, the sunlight shimmering through the golden leaves. You close your eyes and breathe in, the scent of the flowers surrounding you, the air cool and sweet. You can hear the birds singing, the distant hum of traffic, and the soft murmur of conversation. And behind it all, the low buzzing of the Force. It's a familiar melody, a calming song, and you let the tune wrap around you, soothing and soft.

You watch as a leaf floats down from the Great Tree, drifting lazily through the air until it hovers right in front of your nose. You grab for it, but it floats just out of reach, and you let out a frustrated sigh and reach again.

"Come on," you huff, your arm stretching out. "Stay still."

It moves faster than you expect, dancing through the air, and no matter how hard you chase it, you can't quite manage to catch it. You move forward, your steps clumsy and awkward, and you can hear Yaddle laughing.

"Be the leaf," she instructs. "Feel the currents and the breeze. Be the leaf."

"I am," you groan. You stumble and nearly trip over a root, your fingers missing the leaf by a fraction. You growl and chase after it. "It's not fair. You're cheating."

The accusation only seems to amuse her more. You glare at her and chase after the leaf again, and again, and again. It floats just out of reach, hovering in front of you before moving higher and further until finally, it's lost in the branches.

You stop running and look down at Master Yaddle, pouting, and she lets out another laugh. She shakes her head and holds out a hand, and the leaf returns, fluttering down and landing gently in her palm.

"You will catch it," she tells you. She moves closer, and you instinctively kneel to meet her eyes. Her small, three-clawed hand rests on your shoulder, the touch warm and comforting, and the gesture is enough to make the pout fade.

"When?" you ask, and she tilts her head, her expression thoughtful.

"When the time is right," she answers.

She holds out her hand and the leaf floats from her palm into yours. You watch it spin and dance, the sunlight glinting off its edges, and the sight is breathtaking.

"But I'm ready now," you protest. "I can catch it now. I know I can."

Yaddle closes your fingers around the leaf, squeezing gently before letting go. Her hand rests against your cheek, her eyes soft and full of warmth, and she smiles.

"Not yet," she tells you, her voice quiet. She pats your cheek, and the wrinkles deepen around her mouth as she grins encouragingly. "One day, my Padawan, but not yet."

You get to your feet and look down at the leaf, and with a deep breath, you let it go. The breeze catches it, and it spins and dances through the air, disappearing into the branches of the tree. The world seems to shift underneath your feet, the sun becoming brighter and the sky bluer.

You blink and look around the courtyard, but Yaddle is nowhere to be seen. You turn in a circle, searching, but there's nothing but the flowers and the trees and the grass. It's just you, alone.

"Master?" you call out, your voice echoing through the courtyard. "Master, where are you?"

The birds sing their songs, the breeze rustles the leaves, and the sunlight shines through the branches. The world is bright and vibrant, but the longer you stand there, the more you feel the emptiness around you.

You're not sure how long you wait, or how many times you call her name before you hear her.

"I am here," she says quietly. "I am always here."

Her voice comes from somewhere behind you, and you whirl around, searching desperately for the source. But the clearing remains empty.

"Where are you?" you ask. Your eyes scan the flowers and the leaves, the ground and the sky, but there's nothing.

"I am everywhere," she tells you. Her voice is soft and gentle, the words almost a whisper. "I am with you."

A sudden breeze blows through the clearing, the wind causing the trees to sway and the flowers to ripple. The shadows seem deeper than they were before, the light dimmer, and a shiver runs down your spine. You wrap your arms around yourself to ward away the chill, and the warmth seems to seep from your bones, the cold settling deep inside.

"I'm afraid," you confess, the words tumbling out. "I don't want to lose control. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to go too far."

There's a pause, the silence thick and heavy, and the fear builds inside you, threatening to choke you.

"What do I do?" you plead. Your hands are clenched into fists, the knuckles white, and the trembling intensifies. "I don't want to hurt anyone. Not again. Please. I can't...I can't hurt them."

Your voice cracks on the last word, the plea breaking into a sob, and the tears spill down your cheeks. Your chest tightens, and a choked gasp escapes your throat. You can feel the darkness clawing at the back of your mind, the rage and the fear swirling together.

In front of you, a leaf falls. It drifts to the ground, landing at your feet, and you stare at it, unable to move. The golden surface seems almost iridescent, the edges sharp and glittering, and the longer you look at it, the more the darkness seems to creep in.

You force yourself to look away, back up to the Great Tree. You watch as another leaf falls, then another and another, the leaves spinning and dancing, until a shower of them is raining down. They fill the clearing, covering the flowers and the grass, and the sight is so beautiful that it's almost painful. 

Your hand reaches out to try to grasp the nearest leaf, but the current is too strong. Your fingers slip past the surface, passing through it as if it was made of smoke, and you pull back with a frustrated cry.

"Master Yaddle!"

You're not sure where she is, or how to reach her, but the desperation inside you is overwhelming. You spin in a circle, the panic rising, the world seeming to tilt beneath your feet.

"Master, please!" you beg. "I don't understand! What do I do?"

The world seems to shift around you, the colors fading, the darkness creeping in, and you watch helplessly as the leaves are swept away. The flowers wilt and shrivel, the grass turns brown, and the tree is nothing but a skeleton, the branches bare and brittle. The darkness surrounds you, enveloping you, and the weight of the despair is almost unbearable.

You close your eyes, hoping to block it out, but the vision remains, the darkness filling your mind. You can feel the tears rolling down your cheeks, and a sob escapes your throat.

And through it all, the words echo.

"I am always here."

The darkness seems to shift and twist, the shadows turning into something else. You open your eyes, blinking against the sting, and the world has changed. The courtyard has vanished, and in its place is a crumbling cityscape, the buildings reduced to rubble and the streets littered with bodies. The air is filled with smoke and ash, and the screams of the dying fill the air.

A battle. You're in the middle of a battle.

And above you, a shadow looms.

You look up, and a choked cry escapes your throat. Streaking across the sky like shooting stars are hundreds of missiles. Their paths arc towards the planet, each one leaving a trail of destruction and chaos behind it. The sight is almost impossible to comprehend, the sheer volume of firepower sending a wave of nausea through you.

You close your eyes and press a hand against your mouth, trying to keep from vomiting. When the sensation passes, you take a shaky breath and force yourself to look up again. The missiles are still coming, still falling, and the realization that there's nothing you can do hits you with an almost physical force.

This is beyond you. This is beyond anyone.

Fire falls from the sky, each impact sending shockwaves through the air. The ground trembles, and the buildings shake, and the screams become louder and louder until they're all you can hear. The pain is everywhere, the agony so intense that it threatens to overwhelm you. You can feel it inside you, in every fiber of your being, and you can't imagine the pain it must be for everyone else.

You can't imagine the agony.

There are hundreds of voices in your head, a cacophony of pain and despair, and the emotions are so raw, so visceral, that it's a struggle to even stay standing. You can't breathe, can't think, can't do anything but feel the suffering of the dying. It's a feeling so deep and so painful that it threatens to consume you, and the only thing keeping you from drowning is the thought of what will happen if you give in.

The thought of what will happen if you lose.

You look down and watch as cracks appear in the ground, fissures spreading outward in every direction, toppling buildings and swallowing people whole. The planet seems to tremble beneath your feet, the very core shuddering and shaking. You can feel the tremors vibrating through your bones, a pain that threatens to split you in half.

And underneath the sound of the screams, you can hear a voice calling your name.

It's a familiar voice, and it fills you with a sense of comfort that's staggering. But there's something else. Something that seems to pull at you, a tug on the edges of your awareness.

"Come home."

The words echo through the destruction, and the pull becomes stronger, more insistent. You can feel it inside you, a yearning so powerful that it's almost a physical pain. The pull seems to come from everywhere and nowhere, the voice wrapping around you and whispering in your ear.

It's a voice you recognize. A voice you love. A voice you trust.

"Please," the voice begs. "Please, come home."

The pull is irresistible, and before you can stop yourself, you give in. You follow the voice, allowing it to drag you down and down and down, until the world around you changes.

The pain and the anguish fade, the screams quieting and the cries silenced. You can feel the heat of the missiles against your skin, the flames and the ash burning and choking you, but the sensation is muted. It's as if you're watching the battle from far away, removed and distant, and the only thing that matters is the voice calling your name.

The voice begging you to come home.

"Rex," you whisper. The name is barely audible, the word more a sigh than anything else, but it's a relief. He's here. You're not alone.

The pain of the battle, the devastation and destruction, seems to lessen. The world falls away until all that's left is the two of you. An endless void stretches out in every direction, and the only things that exist are his voice and the pull inside you.

The voice becomes a face, the words a body, and Rex appears before you. He's standing in the middle of the darkness, the only solid thing in the void, and the sight is like a breath of fresh air. But the look of desperation on his face is terrifying. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, and the agony on his face nearly brings you to your knees.

"Come home," he begs. His voice breaks, the words raw and hoarse. "Please, come home."

He reaches out to you, his hand trembling, and his fingers brushing your cheek. The warmth of his touch seems to burn, the sensation so overwhelming that it's almost unbearable. But it's the look on his face that hurts the most.

"Please," he whispers.

He's not real. He can't be real. But the pain on his face is real. The agony in his eyes is real. And the way he looks at you, like you're the only thing in the world, is real.

The voice and the pull and the need. It's all real.

This isn't a dream. This isn't a nightmare. It's something else. Something worse.

You can't bring yourself to move, can't bring yourself to speak, can't bring yourself to do anything but stand there. You know instantly that this isn’t a man burdened by the loss of a battle or the pain of a war. This isn’t a man grieving a friend, or a brother, or a comrade.

This is a man who has lost everything.

The realization hits you like a punch to the gut, and the breath leaves your lungs.

He's in pain, and it's your fault.

Rex's shoulders sag, and his eyes fall shut. His fingers trail along your jaw as his hand drops, and he lets out a shuddering breath. Another tear rolls down his cheek before he forces his eyes open to meet yours.

You feel it the moment his heart breaks.

It's as if a knife has been driven into your chest. The pain is sharp and intense, the ache so deep that it's a struggle to draw a breath. The agony is like a living thing, a monster clawing its way through your ribcage and tearing at your heart. The world seems to blur and darken, and the only thing that's real is the agony.

It's an agony that has no end. It's a torment without reprieve. It's a torture without mercy.

And it's all because of you.

You want to scream, to cry, to fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. But you can't do any of those things. Because the look on his face tells you that he already knows.

Rex's hand shakes as he lifts his blaster, and the weapon seems to hover between you, aimed directly at your chest.

"Please," he whispers again.

The single word holds a lifetime of pain. His eyes meet yours, and you see the resolve there, the acceptance. The determination. And despite the sorrow and the despair, you can see the love in his gaze. The love that he's been trying to hide for months, the love that has grown despite his best efforts.

And it's the love that will kill you.

Rex loves you, and he's willing to do anything to save you. Even this.

You don't know what to say. There's nothing you can say.

You love him too. You've loved him for months, and you will continue to love him for the rest of your life. No matter how short that might be. No matter how much time you have left.

You don't want him to suffer. You don't want him to carry the weight of your death. But more than anything, you don't want him to have to choose between you and himself. Between his duty and his heart. Between what's right and what he wants.

Between his brothers and you.

"Do it," you whisper. "Save me."

His hand shakes, the barrel of the blaster inches from your chest, and you can see the conflict in his eyes. He's hesitating, and the last thing you want is for him to hesitate.

And so, you do the only thing you can.

You lift your hand and place it over his. The metal is warm against your skin, the barrel pressed against your sternum. Your fingers close around his, and you squeeze gently. 

His eyes meet yours, and despite the pain, the tears, the sorrow, you offer him a smile.

It's not the ending you'd hoped for. It's not the ending you'd planned. But it's the ending you're willing to accept. Because if it means saving Rex from the pain, the suffering, the loss, well...that's a price you're willing to pay.

He loves you, and you love him. And that's the only thing that matters.

With a final sigh, you close your eyes and squeeze his hand.

"Okay," you whisper.

The blaster goes off.

When you come to, the first thing you notice is that you're lying on something soft and plush.

A bed. You're on a bed.

It takes a moment for your vision to adjust to the light. When it does, the sight of the Temple is a relief. The familiar walls, the dimmed lighting, the muted humming of the Force. It's exactly where you're supposed to be.

The second thing you notice is the dull ache in your chest. It's a small pain, almost unnoticeable, but the discomfort is still there. You lift a hand and touch your sternum, and the memory of the blaster shot comes rushing back with a sharpness that's staggering.

A blaster shot. Rex.

No. No. No. It's not possible.

You sit up quickly, pushing past the pain and stumbling out of bed. Your legs are shaky, and the movement sends the world spinning, but you force yourself to keep moving toward the window. You need to see. You need to know.

Your hands fist around the curtains, and you yank them open. Sunlight streams through the window, blinding you momentarily, and you blink hard against the brightness. When the spots fade and your eyes adjust, you look down at the courtyard, and your breath catches.

Everything is the same. The flowers are blooming, the leaves are turning, the sun is shining. Speeders and ships are flying overhead, dots against the bright blue sky. The air is warm and sweet, and the Force is calm. Nothing has changed. Nothing is different. Everything is the way it's supposed to be.

A sigh of relief escapes your lips, and you close your eyes. The nightmare was just that. A nightmare. Nothing more.

Except...it had felt real. Too real.

Your heart pounds, and you grip the curtains tighter. You can still feel the pain in your chest, the phantom ache of the blaster shot. And the way Rex had looked at you, the despair in his eyes, the pain in his voice. It's not something you can forget.

You don't want to forget.

Because it's not just a dream. It's a warning.

Your eyes open, and your gaze falls on the Great Tree. The leaves are dancing in the breeze, and the sunlight is glinting off the golden surface. But the sight is no longer calming. It's ominous. It's a reminder.

You take a deep breath and let the curtain fall. The world is calm, the Force still, but the dread lingers.

“You’re awake.”

You jump and turn, your eyes falling on Obi-Wan. He stands just inside the doorway to the bedroom, his arms folded across his chest. He's dressed in his tunic, his robe draped over a nearby chair, and you realize that you’re in his quarters.

"Obi-Wan, what are you—" You try to step toward him, but the room spins, and you reach out for the window sill, your balance unsteady. He's by your side in an instant, his hands gripping your upper arms and keeping you upright.

"Careful," he warns. He keeps his hold on you until the dizziness passes, and you manage to regain your footing. When he's satisfied, he releases you and steps back, his eyes scanning your face.

The concern on his face is unmistakable. You know him too well, and after all the years of friendship, you can read the worry in his expression. But it's the fear in his eyes that's the most startling.

You open your mouth to speak, to assuage his worries, but the words don't come. You're not sure what to say, not sure how to explain. Not sure if you even can.

Instead, you take a staggering step towards him, and before you can stop yourself, you're wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close. He tenses, clearly startled by the gesture, but after a moment, he returns the embrace. His arms are tight around your shoulders, and he presses his cheek against the top of your head.

"You're okay," he murmurs, his voice low. "It's over."

The words send a wave of relief through you, and you cling to him tighter, your hands clutching the fabric of his tunic. You inhale slowly, the air filling your lungs, and the pain in your chest fades slightly. It's not gone, but it's bearable.

It wasn't real.

Slowly, the trembling in your limbs fades, and the pounding in your chest subsides. The anxiety and the fear fade, replaced by a dull ache and a sense of exhaustion. You sigh and rest your forehead against his shoulder, allowing the last of the panic to drain away.

Obi-Wan pulls away, his hands settling on your shoulders.

“How are you feeling?" he asks.

You think about the question, the memories of the vision still fresh in your mind. The pain and the suffering. The fear and the desperation.

"I'm okay," you answer, the words barely audible. "Just tired."

He nods and releases his hold on you, taking a step back. He gives you a once-over, his gaze traveling over your face and down your body, and he frowns.

"What happened?" he asks as his eyes return to yours.

"I..." You trail off, the memory of the vision sending a shiver through you. You wrap your arms around yourself and shake your head. "I don't know."

You close your eyes, trying to recall the events leading up to the vision. You remember waking up, alone, and walking through the halls of the Temple. You remember reaching the training room, and...the rest is a blur. You don't remember falling asleep. You don't remember anything. Just the darkness and the pain and the fear.

And the blaster shot.

Your fingers touch the spot where the blaster would've hit you, and a flash of memory comes rushing back. The image of the courtyard outside, the golden leaves of the Great Tree shimmering in the sunlight, and Yaddle's voice.

Her voice.

The memory is faint, barely more than a whisper, and you can't quite grasp it. But it's there, like a shadow at the corner of your vision, and you can feel it. You can hear her.

And for a moment, the pain in your chest eases.

Obi-Wan's hand squeezes your shoulder, and you open your eyes and meet his concerned gaze.

"I found you in the training room," he tells you, his voice quiet. "You were unconscious, and I couldn't wake you. I had to carry you here."

He pauses, his brow furrowing, and his gaze becomes more intense. "What were you doing there?"

The question sends a jolt through you, and you take a step back, breaking contact.

"I..." You pause, your mind racing. Your arms wrap around your torso, and you take a shaky breath and shake your head. "I can't remember."

You're not sure if it's a lie, or if the words are true, but either way, it's a poor answer. Obi-Wan's expression changes, his gaze sharpening, and his jaw clenches.

"Try," he orders, his tone leaving no room for argument.

You hesitate, and he leans closer, his eyes never leaving yours. You can see the determination there, the stubbornness. He's not going to let this go, not until he gets the answers he's looking for.

"I was...meditating," you begin slowly, the lie rolling off your tongue. "I was trying to connect with the Force. I...wanted to understand."

His brow furrows, his gaze never wavering.

"Understand what?" he asks.

"Myself," you admit. "The anger and the...pain. I wanted to understand."

His gaze softens, and he sighs, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He looks away for a moment, his eyes focused on the floor, before his gaze finds yours again.

"I think I know," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. He sits on the edge of the bed and motions for you to do the same. You settle beside him, and he turns towards you, his gaze searching, his hands twisting in his lap. "You felt the darkness. Didn't you?"

You look down at your hands, at the scars on your palms. The memory of the battle, the fight with Dooku, the vision, the blaster shot, it all swirls in your mind, flickering past your vision like a broken holo.

You close your eyes, the pain in your chest throbbing, and you nod.

Obi-Wan shifts, and you open your eyes to find him staring at the wall, his brow furrowed. His expression is contemplative, and the lines around his eyes seem deeper than they were before. There's a sadness in his gaze, a pain that goes beyond the physical, and his mouth is set in a thin line.

"What are you thinking?" you ask.

He shakes his head, his expression turning pensive.

“What happened on that planet? With Dooku?” he asks. His tone is gentle, but the words send a wave of anxiety through you. “You never told me the details.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, the memories flashing through your mind. The anger. The rage. The darkness. It had been overwhelming, terrifying. It had taken every ounce of strength and willpower not to give in. And even though you'd won, you'd come close. So close.

Too close.

You shake your head.

“We fought. He nearly killed me, and Rex and Jesse saved the day,” you say, your gaze fixed on your hands. “There isn’t much else to tell. I'm not sure why you're bringing this up now."

"Because I've been thinking about what happened on the Resolute," he tells you. His voice is quiet, and there's an edge to it that hadn't been there before. A sadness. An anger. "How convenient it was for a hyperdrive malfunction to lead you to the exact place Dooku was hiding."

“He wanted to kill me,” you counter. You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the frustration bubbling up. You know where he’s going with this, and you can’t help but feel defensive, protective of your secret.

"No." Obi-Wan shakes his head. "He wanted to turn you."

The words land like a punch to the gut. He isn't saying anything you don't already know, but hearing it out loud, the implications and the potential...it's too much. You stare at him, speechless, and he stares back.

"What are you accusing me of?" you finally manage.

He's silent for a moment, considering his words carefully. His eyes are dark and troubled, the lines around them deepening, and he sighs.

"Nothing," he answers quietly. "Not yet."

"Not yet?" you echo, your tone incredulous.

"When I found you in the training room, there was something wrong. The Force was...out of balance," Obi-Wan tells you. His gaze never leaves yours. "There was something dark. Something wrong."

You open your mouth to speak, to deny, to defend, but he continues before you can get a word out.

"I know you've felt it too," he says, his voice softening. "I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it."

You look away, unable to meet his gaze any longer. The truth of his words stings, and you can feel the guilt and shame rising up, threatening to drown you. He's right. You have felt the darkness. You've seen it, felt it, and tried to ignore it. And now you’re trying to hide from him. But he's not going to let that happen. He's not going to let you hide.

"Obi-Wan," you try again. Your voice is barely more than a whisper, and you can't seem to look him in the eye. "I don't—"

"Don't lie to me," he cuts you off.

His voice is sharp, the words like a slap to the face. You flinch, and his expression softens.

"Did Dooku tell you how to access the darkness? How to harness it?" he asks quietly.

"No," you say immediately.

"Are you sure?" he pushes. "Because you seem to know more than you're letting on."

You hesitate, and his expression hardens. You look down at your hands, the scars seeming to burn. The darkness inside you pulses and writhes, the rage and the pain simmering just beneath the surface. It's a struggle to keep it contained, to not let your emotions win out. And Obi-Wan sees it all.

"Tell me the truth," he demands.

You swallow hard and look up at him. His gaze is intense, the blue eyes piercing, and you can't bring yourself to lie to him again. You can't hide anymore.

"I've always had it," you confess, your voice hoarse. "The anger, the darkness. I've always had it, but now it's worse. I'm more connected to the Force than ever before, and the power is incredible, but it's overwhelming."

You pause, taking a deep breath, the emotions churning inside you.

"It's getting harder and harder to keep it under control," you admit quietly. "I can't ignore it. I can't pretend it doesn't exist. And I can't let it go."

His eyes never leave yours, and you can see the understanding, the acceptance. He doesn't blame you. He doesn't hate you. But he's worried. You can see the concern in his eyes. He's scared for you. Scared of what you might do.

"Dooku tried to make me think he could help me, but I'm not stupid," you tell him, your voice stronger now, more determined. "I can feel the darkness, and I can see the effects it's having on the galaxy. The war is tearing everything apart, and the violence and hatred are everywhere. I don't want that for myself."

"Good," Obi-Wan says simply.

"But..."

You pause again, your throat tight, and you force yourself to continue. You need to say this. You need to confess the truth of what happened on that planet, and you need him to understand what's at stake.

"I nearly lost control," you whisper. You can feel the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, the memories flooding back. "When we fought, it was like I could see every weakness, every fear, and I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to end his life."

"And you didn't," Obi-Wan counters softly. "That's what matters."

You shake your head.

"I could have. I came so close," you mutter. You let out a bitter laugh. "Or I would've died trying, anyway. If Rex hadn't been able to convince me..."

Your voice trails off as you recall the memory of his words, the plea, the desperation. The same words mirrored in your vision, and the understanding that comes with them.

You could have destroyed him. You could have embraced the darkness and brought about his demise.

The thought is a sobering and horrifying reminder of just how close you'd come to losing control. Of how much destruction and devastation you could have caused. Of the power you possess. And of the danger that comes with it.

"That's why you have to stop," Obi-Wan urges, his tone gentle, but firm.

"I am trying," you say.

"Not hard e—"

"No," you snap.

The word comes out sharper than intended, and you take a deep breath, trying to calm the rising tide of emotions. You close your eyes and count backwards from ten, your jaw clenched tightly, the anger and the frustration simmering just beneath the surface. The last thing you need is another argument. Another opportunity for the darkness to take hold.

When the feeling subsides and the urge to scream passes, you open your eyes.

"No," you repeat, more calmly this time. "I am trying. I'm doing everything I can to resist the darkness. I'm meditating and training and trying to strengthen my connection to the Light. I've let go of my need for revenge, and I've been forgiving and compassionate, and none of it is working."

You look away, focusing on the far wall, and you force yourself to keep talking. You have to explain. He has to understand.

"Every time I think I've finally gotten a handle on things, something happens and it slips out of my grasp," you continue, your voice barely more than a whisper. "Like on Bothawui. I didn't lose control. Not completely. But I could feel it. The anger. The hatred. And the part that scares me is how natural it feels."

Obi-Wan's eyebrows rise in surprise at that admission, but he says nothing, letting you continue.

"It's like a reflex," you say quietly. "Whenever someone attacks me or threatens someone I care about. It's just there. Waiting for an opportunity."

Your hands clench into fists, and your nails dig into the palms of your hands. The pain is a welcome distraction from the emotions roiling inside you, and you close your eyes and take a deep breath.

"That's why I'm trying so hard," you say, your voice calmer now. "I'm trying to control the darkness, not embrace it. There has to be something, some kind of balance I can find."

There's a long silence, and the only thing you can hear is the beating of your heart, the blood rushing in your ears, and the steady inhale and exhale of your breathing. The anger has faded, but the fear remains, the terror of the vision, the nightmare, coming back in full force.

"There's something else," you whisper, your eyes opening to look at him. "Something you should know."

His brow furrows, but he doesn't interrupt, allowing you to continue.

"When we fought Dooku," you begin hesitantly, the memory of the battle still fresh in your mind, "He said something."

"What did he say?" Obi-Wan asks, his voice low.

“He said things…things I know now not to be true, but they made sense at the time," you admit, the words coming out in a jumble. "That the Order is corrupt, the Senate, the entire Republic. That the Council is using the war to increase its power and influence. That they betrayed me, kept things from me, used me."

"And you believed him?" Obi-Wan asks, disbelief coloring his words.

"Yes," you answer. "For a moment, I believed him."

You pause, the guilt and the shame rising up, threatening to overwhelm you, but you force yourself to keep talking. He needs to know. He has a right to know.

"When we fought, he tried to get me to join him. And he seemed like he knew all the buttons to push, all the things I wanted to hear," you explain quietly. "He was good. Too good. Like he knew exactly what to say and do."

"What are you suggesting?"

"That Dooku's been watching me," you tell him. You take a deep breath, steeling yourself for the inevitable reaction. "That he's been planning this since the start."

You close your eyes, expecting anger, denial, rejection. But none of those come.

"I know," Obi-Wan's voice breaks through the silence, and your eyes fly open, meeting his steady gaze.

"You what?" you ask, shocked.

"I know," he repeats. "And I agree."

"How? How do you know?"

"Master Windu and I have suspected as much," he admits quietly. "The Separatists have always been aware of our strengths and weaknesses. We've tried to keep the details hidden, but there are times it's difficult to keep information quiet."

You stare at him in shock, the revelation leaving you speechless.

"Dooku has spies in the Senate, in the GAR, and likely in the Jedi Temple as well," Obi-Wan explains. "The fact that you were attacked during a classified mission was a concern for the Council."

"I...Why didn't you tell me?"

"We weren't sure how you'd react," Obi-Wan answers truthfully. "It seemed prudent to investigate further."

It takes a moment for the implications to sink in, the realization that the entire Council has known and has been keeping the knowledge from you a struggle to comprehend. You take a shaky breath and close your eyes again, the anger and the betrayal washing over you in waves, but there's something else underneath it. Something darker. Something more dangerous.

The seed of doubt, planted by Dooku and watered by the Council's secrecy, is taking root, and it's not going to let go easily.

"If the Council has known that I'm being watched and targeted by Dooku and his allies," you begin slowly, "Then why have I been kept in the dark? Why haven't they told me?"

Obi-Wan sighs, his shoulders sagging slightly, and he looks down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap.

"We were worried you would act impulsively," he answers after a moment, his voice low and resigned. "That you would be reckless, and the consequences would be dire."

"Well, you were wrong," you snap. You stand up from the bed and turn away from him, pacing the length of the room. "I figured it out on my own. And I kept my head down and focused on the mission and the war."

"You did," he concedes, his eyes following your movements. "And that's admirable."

"But you don't trust me," you continue, not giving him a chance to say more. "The Council doesn't trust me."

"We trust you," Obi-Wan says softly. He stands and steps toward you, his hand resting on your shoulder, forcing you to stop and turn towards him. "I trust you."

"You don't."

"I do," he argues, his voice firm, the conviction in his words ringing true. "You are the most important person in my life, and I trust you implicitly."

"But the Council—"

"The Council is worried," he admits quietly. "They are concerned for your safety. And their concern is warranted. You are a powerful Jedi, and you are a valuable asset to the Republic.”

You close your eyes, and the images flash across the backs of your eyelids, the vision replaying itself over and over again.

The blaster shot.

Rex's grief. The destruction you're capable of causing. The death and the despair.

The way he looked at you.

It was a warning.

A warning of what's to come.

"You are strong," Obi-Wan tells you quietly. His hand slides down your arm and grips your hand. "You are capable of incredible things, and the Council recognizes that. But you are also human, and you are vulnerable, and they are worried that Dooku will use your strength and your weaknesses against you. Especially after your outburst over your investigation into Master Yaddle's death."

Your eyes fly open at the mention of Yaddle's name. The memory of her voice is still echoing in your mind, and you can't help but wonder if this is somehow connected. If she's reaching out to you, trying to warn you. Trying to stop you from destroying everything and everyone around you.

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan adds after a moment. "I wish the Council could have been more forthcoming. But the fact remains that you are an asset in the war, and they can't afford to lose you."

The words sting, but there's no malice behind them, no anger or resentment, and you know that he's telling the truth. That the Council is scared of what might happen if Dooku and his allies managed to turn you away from the Light.

You are an asset.

A weapon.

A tool.

Nothing more.

"I understand," you say softly, the resignation in your voice matching his. You pull away, the distance between the two of you seeming like a gulf, and you shake your head. "And I don't blame them."

Obi-Wan gives you a small smile, and he reaches out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "That's a relief."

You grab his wrist before his hand can fall back to his side, and you hold his gaze, the intensity in your eyes matching his.

"But I need to know that you believe me," you say quietly. "That I'm doing everything I can to resist the temptation."

His expression softens, and his fingers twitch, but he doesn't try to pull away. He nods and squeezes your hand gently.

"I believe you," he murmurs.

The words send a wave of relief through you, and a bit of the weight on your shoulders lifts. It's not much, but it's something.

You let go of his wrist and step away. Your hand drops to your side, and you turn towards the window, looking out at the courtyard below, the leaves dancing in the wind, the sunlight glinting off the golden leaves.

"What happened in the training room…” you start slowly.

Obi-Wan's arms are folded across his chest as he comes to stand next to you, and he leans against the windowsill, his eyes on the courtyard. "What is it?"

"I...had a vision," you confess. "Or a dream. I'm not sure. But it was bad. Really bad."

You can see his brow furrowing out of the corner of your eye, and he turns towards you, the worry in his gaze unmistakable. "Tell me."

You hesitate, the words stuck in your throat. You can still feel the weight of Rex's grief. The pain and the anguish. The way he had looked at you. And the way he had pointed the blaster at your chest and pulled the trigger.

Your hands grip the sill tightly, the stone biting into the skin of your palms, and you tell him everything. Yaddle. The destruction of the city. The darkness. Rex. The blaster shot. Everything.

"It felt so real," you finish. Your voice is shaking slightly, and you can feel the tears threatening to fall, but you manage to keep them at bay. "I could feel the pain. I could feel the fear."

Obi-Wan's silent for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he speaks.

"Do you think it's a vision of the future?"

"I think it's a warning," you reply. "It has to be."

He nods.

"I agree," he says quietly.

The words send a shiver through you, and you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. It's not a relief, not really, but it's a validation of sorts. A confirmation that what you're feeling is real, and that it's worth fighting against.

"And I think..." you begin hesitantly, the memory of the blaster shot still fresh in your mind. "I think Rex is the key."

"The key?" he asks.

"In the vision," you explain. "Rex is the only person who can stop me. He's the only person who can save me."

"From yourself," Obi-Wan concludes, understanding the implication of your words immediately. At your nod, his brow furrows, and his hand comes up to stroke his beard thoughtfully. "Are you sure about that?"

You hesitate. Are you? You think back to the way Rex had pleaded with you, the desperation in his voice, the way his hand had shook as he'd pointed the blaster at your chest. The same way he pleaded for you to leave Dooku behind and live instead of killing him and dying yourself.

It's everything you'd feared and more. Rex doesn't just hold your leash. He holds your life in his hands. If you can't control the darkness inside you, the anger and the rage, the potential for destruction, Rex will have to be the final defense. He will have to be the line in the sand.

You can't let that happen.

"Yes," you finally say. You swallow hard and look down at your hands, the scars standing out starkly against the skin. "I'm sure."

Obi-Wan sighs and shakes his head.

"Well," he says. "That complicates things."

"It does," you agree quietly. You can feel the anxiety and the fear rising up, the dread settling in the pit of your stomach. But you push it back, forcing yourself to stay focused, to keep the fear at bay. "But I'm not going to let that vision come true."

"No," Obi-Wan agrees firmly. He places a hand on your shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "You're not."

You nod and take a deep breath, the confidence in his voice bolstering your resolve. You're not going to let the darkness win. You're not going to become the monster in the vision. And Rex isn't going to have to pull the trigger.

"You have my word," you say quietly. "Whatever it takes."

"I believe you," Obi-Wan replies. There's a hint of a smile on his lips, and he pulls you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," you murmur. You close your eyes and lean into the embrace, the warmth and the safety a welcome comfort. You allow yourself a moment to enjoy the feeling, the fear and the anxiety fading, before pulling away and looking up at him. "I...I'm sorry. For everything. For keeping this from you. For lying to you."

"Don't be," he says gently. He runs a hand over your hair, his expression softening. "I'm sorry we weren't more forthcoming. It's as you said before. We're both to blame. Though I would agree it was more myself and the Council to blame than any other.”

"I can’t argue with that," you sigh. You shake your head and offer him a weak smile. "I'm still sorry."

"Me too," he says quietly. He gives your shoulder another squeeze before letting his hand drop back to his side. "And if you promise never to hide anything of this nature from me again, I might consider forgiving you."

You snort and roll your eyes playfully. "Deal."

"Good." He smiles and motions toward the door. "Now let's get you to the Halls of Healing. You need to be checked out."

"Obi-Wan," you whine, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips, "I'm fine."

"You were unconscious for hours," he reminds you. His voice is stern, but there's a twinkle of mischief in his eyes, and he gives you a shove towards the door. "I'll hear no more complaints. We're going."

"Fine," you grumble.

The two of you make your way out of the bedroom and down the corridor. You're relieved to see that the Temple is relatively empty, and no curious eyes are on you as you pass through the hallways and make your way to the Halls of Healing.

"In the interest of honesty," you begin, keeping your voice low so no eavesdroppers can hear, "There's one more thing I should probably tell you."

"Yes?"

You take a breath, steeling yourself.

"I’m in love with Rex."

You don't wait for a reaction from Obi-Wan. Instead, you continue walking, stepping into the lift and hitting the button for the Halls of Healing without pausing. The doors slide shut before the two of you, and the lift begins its descent.

"Well," he remarks once the lift starts moving. His expression is carefully neutral, but there's a glint in his eyes. "That's certainly an interesting development."

"Interesting," you repeat dryly. "That's a nice way of putting it."

Obi-Wan chuckles. "Forgive me if I'm not entirely shocked by the news."

"Not entirely?"

"I'm a bit surprised you're only now bringing it up," he admits, the teasing in his tone impossible to miss. "I tried to tell you, several times. But you insisted that the two of you were just friends, and that the way he looked at you meant nothing. As if I wouldn't recognize the way he looks at you."

"I was being stubborn," you admit sheepishly.

"You were," Obi-Wan agrees. He gives you a playful nudge. "So what changed?"

"I've always felt something for him," you start slowly. "But the more time I spend with him...the stronger the feelings have become. And last night, some of the Torrent boys let it slip that he was in love with me."

"Ah."

"It was the way they said it. Like it was something everyone knew, something so commonplace, so inevitable," you continue. You can't help but smile, a small chuckle escaping your lips as the memory comes back to you. "They were talking about him like he was this hopeless romantic, and I just...I couldn't ignore the truth of it anymore."

He hums and gives a small nod. "He does seem rather devoted."

"Yes, well," you huff. You turn and give him a pointed look. "Apparently it's been that way for a while."

"And?"

"And," you continue, "I realized I feel the same."

Obi-Wan is silent for a long moment, his eyes fixed on the floor. He seems to be deep in thought, and you find yourself holding your breath, waiting for his response.

"I'm glad," he finally says.

"You are?" you ask, surprised.

He nods and turns to face you fully, a small smile on his lips.

"I'm glad that the two of you have found happiness together," he tells you. His voice is gentle, and his expression is soft. "And I'm glad that you've finally admitted your feelings for each other."

"But the Code," you protest weakly.

"The Code is meant to guide us. To give us structure and focus. But it's not infallible," Obi-Wan answers softly. "The Code does not forbid love."

"But attachment–”

"Is not the same as love," he finishes for you. He reaches out and takes your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's possible to have love without attachment. You know that well. You just have to choose to be selfless. And I have no doubt that both of you are capable of such a thing."

You let out a shaky breath and blink back the tears that are suddenly pricking at the corners of your eyes, giving him a grateful smile.

"Thank you," you murmur, and you squeeze his hand.

"You're welcome," he says softly. He sighs and looks down at your joined hands, his expression turning wistful. "I was worried. For a while. After our...disagreement about the Council's decision not to investigate Yaddle's death."

You frown and open your mouth to respond, but he shakes his head and continues, cutting you off.

"It was a difficult time for you, and I know I was a part of the problem," he tells you quietly. His thumb strokes the back of your hand absently. "I didn't want you to lose your faith in the Order. In the Light. In yourself."

You stare at him, your heart swelling in your chest.

"But you didn’t. And I'm so proud of you," he murmurs. His gaze finds yours again, and his smile is warm. "And I'm glad that, even though your path is complicated, and the journey is challenging, you're finding happiness and love along the way. It's apparent how deeply you care about each other. If this is what it takes to keep you from falling, I'll gladly give my blessing, however much that matters to you.”

"Obi-Wan..." 

You trail off, the lump in your throat preventing the words from forming. You're not sure how to respond, or even what to say. The relief and the gratitude and the love are too much, and the tears threaten to spill over. You blink hard against them and force a shaky smile. 

"You won't lose me,” you murmur. “I promise."

"I hope not," he says. There's a sadness in his gaze, and a bitterness creeps into his voice. "Nothing is certain in war. Nothing is guaranteed. Not even love."

"I'm not going anywhere," you reassure him. You step closer and wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He returns the embrace, his arms wrapping around you, his chin resting on the top of your head. "No matter what happens, I'll always be here."

Obi-Wan is silent, and you can feel his body tense underneath your touch. There’s a tremor in his hand, and you can hear his heart pounding in his chest. His grip on you tightens, and his breath hitches. For a moment, you wonder if you said the wrong thing, if he's upset or angry. But all you can feel through the tenuous connections of your bond is sadness and grief. Regret.

Finally, Obi-Wan pulls away, and his eyes find yours. There's a weariness there, a pain that's been hidden away. A burden he's been carrying for years. He looks like he wants to say something, but the words won't come. The emotions are too strong. So instead, he gives you a soft smile, and he steps away as the doors open.

"I know," he says quietly. He looks away and takes a deep breath. "I know.”

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[after-witch]

Behind the Curtain [Ren Hana x Reader]

Title: Behind the Curtain [Ren Hana x Reader]

Synopsis: No more shows, yes, that’s what he says. He does not tell you “no more pain,” because there will be pain. Some musings from Ren Hana after the The Show Must Go On DLC (survival ending).

Word Count: 1600ish

notes: kidnapped reader, medical including eye prosthetics discussion, descriptions of past violent abuse and injuries including eye injuries

You poor, pretty thing, lying there in a hospital bed, tubes in your arms and an incessantly beeping machine monitoring your vitals at your side.

You look a mess.

You look lovely.

The wounds from your lively (and, he must admit, very well received--well, until the end) triple show debut are vibrant and gorgeously ugly.

Vivid stitches covered in ghastly looking iodine on your stomach, where you’d sliced your belly right open; antibiotic creams slathered over your puncture wounds; an etching of various cuts and bite marks… yours and his. Not to mention your eye.

You’ll live, you dear thing. Scarred and bruised, inside and out--but you’ll live.

He’s not an amateur. You’ll have good medical care here. He can afford it, although it’s not often used for more than employee check-ups and keeping merchandise alive long enough to be sold or entertain his streams before the big finale. Or for the occasional creative request via a high-paying donor on a stream.

But for you? He’ll make sure to use every resource to get you back into shape. Back to where you were--or more accurately, he supposes, back to where you’re going to be from now on. 

You wake up every now and then. Not to the fullest degree. You are pumped full of drugs, though, and he’s not terribly surprised at your lack of coherency. It’s cute, in a way, though he’s looking forward to enjoying you when you’re more alert. More alive. 

How alive did you feel, in those last moments before he stopped the stream? How aware were you that he meant to kill you? That you were going to die in that dark room while people paid to watch and stroked their cocks and salivated over watching the last bit of light leave your eyes? 

He couldn’t do it. No, no, that’s not right. He could have done it. He’s done it before, to others more and less worthy than yourself.

But he didn’t want to do it and therefore, he didn’t have to do it. You reminded him of that. Chat had power, sure, everyone with enough money had power. But he was in control. It was his stream. His life’s work. And you were his property, not theirs. 

Did you know that one question would change everything?

Fuck the people watching the stream. They could have someone else, and they would eventually--logistically, he needed to make it up to them soon, a token apology made in some other poor pretty thing’s blood.

But not you.

Never you. 

He smiles, just a little. It’s easier now to think about the future, in the sterile clinic room, away from the rush of the showroom with its screens, the stampede of feet when he pushed the call button, the tangy smell of your blood and the sight of you mangled and delirious beneath him. 

The rush of the moment has passed, leaving behind a slow, thoughtful ebb in its wake. 

You’re not the first merchandise he’s kept for himself. You’re not even the first person he’s taken a liking to and taken home with the intent to keep forever. And oh, that first one… he hasn’t thought about them in a while, the one that he kept for as long as he could, until they were gone.

You remind him of them, in some ways. Maybe in the way your voice softened when you asked him who gave him his scars; maybe in the pitiful way you begged him, sweet and sniffling, to cut out your eye because you knew it was best.

Maybe in the way you clenched around him, desperate, eager, hating the pain but embracing it because there was nothing else you could do. 

But, ah… he’s being nostalgic again. He lets one claw idly trace your forearm, following the line of the IV. That person is gone. Dead. Tragic and all that, and some part of him will always miss them. But there’s no point in dwelling on it, just as he’s long since moved on from Strade and his amateur basement of horrors. 

Years ago, he might have thought: what would Strade think of me now? But now he knows the truth: it doesn’t matter one single bit what Strade would think of him now, or what Strade might have thought of him then. Strade was nothing. 

He had created his own world, far surpassing anything Strade could have dreamed of; Strade had some talent (he has scars to prove it) but what was talent without ambition? Without creativity, allure?

Anyone could get people to pay money to watch you kill some helpless fuck you snatched off the street.

But it took talent to do what he did, something far beyond basement videos with basic tools and a fabric mask. 

It was a talent he had in spades, carefully crafted through trial and error. Lots of errors. But what business, what world, existed without them? 

But you do make him reminisce, don’t you?

And then your hand is on his arm. Weak, fingers trembling as you try to grip him, and gain his notice.

This time, your eye isn’t quite as muddled, and you direct your gaze at him rather than flitting about the room in hazy confusion.

He watches as your throat works, swallowing, and he can practically hear the inside of your dry mouth sticking as you force open your lips.

“Is it… is it time for another show?”

He blinks down at you, his lips set in a frown. 

Your dry lips tremble when he doesn’t answer. The heart rate monitor speeds up, and he glances at it--faster and faster, like a little rabbit--before resting his hand on your forehead. The beeping slows down just a little, and your eye looks up at him, darting across his face, desperate and terrified.

“No,” he says, with a somber finality, and the words are for himself as much as they are for you. “No more shows.” 

Your smile is twitchy and slow, and your eye blinks low and lidded. The drugs want to put you to sleep. You want to stay awake. You’ll lose this battle, but he likes to see that you still have the will to live in you. It will come in handy. 

A clawed finger traces your cheek, edging around the white medical patch covering your missing eye. He can see your head try to flinch, but you’re either too drugged to fully do it or you’re stopping yourself out of worry that he won’t like it.

Either option pleases him. 

Your eye isn’t as bad as it was, but it will need more healing before you can wear a prosthetic, or so the physician said. 

He’d never looked much into them before--prosthetic eyes, that is--but as he discovered during a late night bout of phone shopping, there’s a wide array of options nowadays. Exotic styles--cats and snakes and everything in between--and fun colors and pretty add-ons, like glitter or shimmer or rainbow holographics. 

The thought of your false eye staring up at him in some impossibly beautiful hue, accenting a lovely outfit he’s dressed you in, makes him a little giddy, and he hopes you’ll be excited about them, too. Maybe in time you’ll be gazing at a selection of eyes laid out on a vanity, choosing between them like you might have done before all this with lipsticks and eyeshadows. 

Will you hold up the eye you chose for his approval, a trembling smile on your face? It would be nice to see. 

Though he’s not stupid--not as naive as he might have been, if he’d met you twenty or so years ago. You’re not going to immediately jump for joy that the man who orchestrated your kidnapping, tortured you, jacked off into your eye, pulled out said eye, and almost had you yank out your own guts got you a pretty prosthetic.

No, no… not immediately, anyway. That will take time and work and training. Thankfully, he has plenty of experience with that. 

He smiles, just a little, watching as your remaining eye fights so hard to stay open; battling against the drugs keeping you sleepy and compliant for the first step in your healing.

You’re mumbling something, and he’s not really listening to the words, until he sees tears in your eye and you repeat yourself. The words come slowly. He’ll remind the nurse to wet your mouth soon.

“You pr…promise?”

He leans forward, cupping your chin, encouraging you to keep going.

Your voice is a whimper and it’s just so damned cute. Your remaining eye is wide and those pretty tears stick to the lashes like dew. He could kiss them off, he truly could, if he wasn’t sure getting anywhere near your remaining eye right now might send you into a panic.

“You promise no… no more shows?” 

“No more shows,” he says again, gentler this time, stroking your hair. The tension in your muscles gradually relaxes from his touch, or perhaps the IV drip has given you a fresh dose of painkillers on schedule. It doesn’t matter. The effect is the same. 

No more shows, yes, that’s what he tells you. 

He does not tell you “no more pain,” because there will be pain. Life does not exist without it. His business does not exist without it. He does not exist without it. 

There is always give and take, push and pull, pain and pleasure. None can exist without the other. 

It’s a truth you’ll come to learn, as he did. And he can’t wait to bring you to that truth himself. 

[entropyvoid]

So anyway my hot take about the bit where Sunday is taking you on a guided tour through a dramatic play about the history of Penacony is that the confusion of him narrating over the story so you can’t parse what’s goin on is that it’s actually an EXCELLENT creative choice in interactive storytelling actually, because that whole scene isn’t really about Penacony’s past, present, or future, it’s about cult programming. Sunday’s goal is not for you to witness a dramatization of Penacony’s history and form your own thoughts and opinions about it, his goal is a last ditch effort to get you to share HIS specific perspective.

He talks over the story to tell you what’s happening, giving his conclusions from the get-go and sometimes even saying things that seem to directly contradict what he’s speaking over, but by the time you can even parse it, it’s gone and you’re left with little to do but move on. It’s overwhelming and makes it very difficult to form a coherent thought about it, much less a proper refutation to his arguments. It is a tactic intended to melt your brain and repeatedly hit it with a hammer of his view - the only reasonable view. So reasonable that it doesn’t even seem to occur to him that someone might have an opposing interpretation that’s logical, (more on this later,) he’s not open to new ideas, he is so completely and utterly set in his philosophy that he takes a chance in trying to hold your hand through it and explain it to you because he believes that if he just talks you through it, you’ll see the light. He is trying to convert others into to accepting the Order. Inducing mental exhaustion combined with repeating a specific philosophy, backed with an narrative to make it feel credible over and over again until your brain is too fried to do anything but accept if is a pretty common brainwashing tactic. For the devs to actually manage to induce that direct feeling in the players within the safety of fiction is actually a really impressive feat.

And he probably isn’t even really taking the specific approach he does consciously, rather, he is likely repeating some of the tactics that Gopher Wood put him through. Gopher, probably the closest thing Sunday had to a parental figure after his mother’s death, is an entity with no physical form that’s practically nigh omniscient and omnipresent within the dreamscape, is able to take over the bodies of anyone within the Oak family (possibly without their knowledge or without them remembering it?) and has been looking after Sunday from a young age. Firstly, we see them employing very similar (conversational? Argumentative?) styles. From the scene about the rehabilitated bird, we see Gopher giving a very scientific but ultimately leading explanation of natural selection (and the inherent cruelty of nature that Sunday heavily internalizes and repeats further down the line,) then poses a question that seems very open: what do you want to do about it? What do you want to do with this fucked up little fledgling that can’t fly? In his inner world, Sunday presents you with this, and several other personal experiences intended to lead you to a particular answer, then calmly asks you what decision you would’ve made in his place, in a way very reminiscent of how Gopher himself spoke to Sunday and Robin.

Sunday’s answer, to build a cage for the bird so it could live”no matter what,” happens to have aligned pretty well with the philosophies of the Order, and the quick unfortunate end the bird met when it was later released solidified his desire to protect via control, and proved to be a very formative experience for him. I think it’s highly plausible that this an early illustration of Sunday’s cult grooming already taking root, or at the very least, of Gopher fishing for a kid who’s open and susceptible to it. Gopher, seemingly being Sunday’s sole direct conspirator, is almost certainly the one who guided him on the path of worshipping the Order, while also making Sunday feel like it was his idea.

We don’t see too much in the way of interactions between Gopher and Sunday beyond that, so we’ll have to fill in the gaps - but Gopher is shown to be constantly watching over the schemes Sunday is involved in via possession of birds long before we actually learn who he is. He is always there, always watching, he can instantly overtake the will of others (so long as they’re in the Oak family - but that’s abt 1/5th of Penacony’s population and the group Sunday is a part of and thus most surrounded by,) and despite seeming very calm and reasonable, he’s clearly not above shutting people down through direct metal suppression if their questions start to pose any kind of a threat. When Welt’s questions became too direct and poignant, leading to him and Robin realizing that Gopher and Sunday were followers of Ena rather than Xipe, Gopher quickly commands Sunday to use his own mental suppression powers on them (since they’re both outside of Gopher’s control,) and Sunday does not hesitate. I have to wonder - how many times has Gopher potentially used this on Sunday, or any of the people around Sunday who got a little too close to presenting him with ideas that challenged the Order’s philosophy? It would not only be extremely easy for him to isolate Sunday intellectually while retaining his status as the sole voice of reason, but also likely, given that protection through control and domination is kind of the whole theme of the Order. (Or at least - Gopher and Sunday’s interpretation of it.) We can thus extrapolate that Gopher may’ve likely used other tactics of manipulation and control on Sunday that we haven’t seen, but which Sunday may imitate, such as in the segment with him narrating over the play about Penacony’s history.

And Sunday, clearly, is extremely isolated, long before he tres to pull his little stunt that ends in him as the lone awake person in an eternal dreamworld. Aside from Gopher, who can’t really be called on and only shows up when he feels like it, the only person he has to confide in is his sister Robin, but Sunday has long since internalized his whole “the strong protect the weak, and they protect the weak through control” bit to the extent that he tries very hard to shelter her from the things he sees as dangerous and painful. He doesn’t tell her about what happened to the bird (though she figured it out on her own anyway,) he doesn’t tell her a damn thing about his lil Ena cult, and he most certainly does not tell her about his doubts, his troubles, or the emotional weight of hearing about the worst of humanity (like that guy who sold his kids for a ticket) through the confessional booth day in and day out with a script that just says “Xipe forgives you.”

And Robin is, frankly, way stronger and smarter than her brother seems to give her any damn credit for. She’s left Penacony to tour the universe, and she headed into a warzone to help in the process, got shot in the throat, and kept singing after recovery. She’s experienced so much more of the universe than Sunday has, she’s had actual conversations with people about their problems that were not one-sided and driven by some sort of ulterior motive. She’s been the first to pick apart his faulty logic or catch on to him hiding something every time, (whether she mentions it in the moment or not,) she was the first to realize something was wrong and wake up in the end, and she ultimately rallied everyone to save her brother from himself. Had Sunday confided in her, talked about deeper life philosophies with her, shared his thoughts and feelings with her, not been isolated or isolated himself from her, treated her like she was just as strong as he was, things may have turned out very different.

Who’s really more sheltered? Robin, or her brother who tried to protect her from it all?