#This goes along with my Jason having old man tastes headcanon

[kittykatninja321]

Bruce who’s worried about Jason going to school and getting into vaping because they just managed to wean him off of nicotine but luckily for him Jason is weirdly pretentious about cigarettes and sees vaping as beneath him

[ragingbookdragon]

The Batfamily Summer Pool Party

A/N: Actually, this was the first HC’s I ever did! Enjoy! -Thorne

ª     Headcanon that at the start of summer, Bruce allows everyone to come over to the manor for a ‘Start of Summer Pool Party’.

ª     Meaning, every Kryptonian, every Speedster, any and every alien on earth, the Teen Titans, the Titans, the Outlaws, and the Justice League.

ª     The first time Bruce mentioned doing it, the boys thought he’d officially lost it.

ª     The League did too.

ª     But after the first official pool party, it became a regular thing that kicked off summer for everyone.

ª     Bruce was wary about continuing it, but after seeing the unadulterated, ecstatic joy and laughter from his family, he’d realized it wasn’t so bad.

ª     He always spends upwards to two-hundred grand, but it’s money well spent.

ª     All the food, drinks, and games money can buy, he’s bought it.

ª     There are always three giant tables that Bruce always must explain.

“Middle one has all the food, the one to it’s left is alcoholic drinks-Tim put the Seagram’s back, you’re seventeen-I don’t care if you’ve drank before. You know what isn’t fun? Sitting in a jail cell because I’ve been charged with supplying alcohol to minors. The one on the middle’s right is non-alcoholic-Tim get your Dr. Pepper and stop complaining.”

ª     Jason’s been put in charge of the grill since he’s the best griller.

“Jason, need any help?”

“Nooooope.”

“Want any help?”

“Nooooope.”

“Want another beer?”

“Hell yeah.”

ª     Each person there gets two songs to play.

ª     The standing rule is: It must be PG-13 and can’t be the same song each time.

“I don’t care Dick, you can’t play Cardi B’s ‘Money’.”

“Oh, I can’t play ‘Money’, but Jason gets to play Nickelback’s ‘Rockstar’?”

“It literally has two cuss word in it compared to the twenty-five in ‘Money’.”

“Well can I play ‘Take a Chance on Me’?”

“No, you already played it.”

“Why do you guys hate ABBA so much?”

ª     You know that famous internet picture where the group of guys tries to float an extension cord on flip-flops to run a laptop?

ª     Tim tries to do that every time.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to do.”

“Go put the extension cord back in the house Tim. We do this every year.”

“One day you’ll let me.”

“Not likely.”

ª     Damian usually sits up on the deck watching and hating every second that ALL THESE PEOPLE are in his pool.

ª     He eventually started to have fun once Jon came over.

“What are you two doing?”

“We’re seeing how high I can toss Damian into the air.”

“For what purpose?”

“Dunno…just sounded like a good idea at the beginning.”

“And Damian went along with it?”

ª     Cue Damian screaming as he plummets back towards the water.

“…Not…exactly?”

*Sigh*

ª     More than once, Bruce had to stop Dick from trying to jump from the balconies and windows.

“I don’t care if the balconies hang over the pool! You aren’t allowed to do it! If all your friends jumped off balconies, would you do it too? That was rhetorical and you know it Dick. What do you mean you used to do it when you were a kid?”

ª     Bruce is constantly reprimanding the speedsters for running around the pool.

“Bart, I said no running!”

“Sorry Mr. Wayne!”

“Wally that means you too!”

“I wasn’t even running?!”

“I’m telling you before you start to.”

ª     He’s constantly telling everyone to keep the water in the pool.

“Can we, I don’t know, keep the water inside the pool, not outside it?”

“What’s wrong with having fun Bruce?”

“Dick, when you pay the water bill, you can talk.”

“Touché.”

ª     The biggest game of Marco Polo goes down.

ª     The Atlanteans aren’t allowed to play anymore.

ª     Superman eventually gets into the pool and Bruce’s ‘No throwing people rule’ goes down the drain.

“Clark, I said no throwing people.”

“Well, yeah, but look how happy they are.”

“Do you know that hitting the water from certain heights is exactly like hitting concrete?”

“You’re acting like I’m throwing them the height of the Empire State Building.”

“…Stop throwing my kids.”

ª     More than once, Bruce has stopped Damian and Tim from trying to drown each other while the others egg them on.

“Tim let go of Damian’s arm!”

“Tell him to let go of my hair!”

“I’ll let go of your hair when you let go of my arm!”

“Twenty bucks on the demon-spawn!”

“Jason stop encouraging them!”

“I’ll up your twenty to a fifty and bet on Tim!”

“Conner. No!”

ª     He’s also stopped Jason from burning steaks for people he doesn’t like.

“Jason quit burning Roy’s steak.”

“Well considering the fact that I’m in charge of the grill and not you old man, I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”

“Why are you even burning it? Aren’t you two best friends?”

“We were until I figured out, he was using my Netflix and Hulu accounts without asking me first.”

“Children. You’re both children.”

ª     Bruce is absolutely one of those people who enforces the whole ‘no swimming after eating, you wait thirty minutes’.

ª     It lasted until everyone just jumped back in.

ª     Diana eventually joins Clark in throwing people up and back into the pool, and Bruce is starting to pull his hair out.

“Diana. I. Said. No. Throwing.”

“You did, but we are not listening.”

“Tell me about it.”

ª     One time, Dick accidently drank too many alcoholic drinks (you know the ones that don’t taste like they have alcohol and then…it hits you) and face planted onto the deck.

ª     No one’s let him live it down.

“Remember that time Dick got so drunk he fell on his face?”

“Ha-ha, shut-up.”

“It was rather funny Dick. At first, you thought the orange pool noodle was me and you kept flirting with it.”

“Thank you for reminding me Kori. Hey, how come we never talk about Jason’s drunk adventures?”

“Because I can hold my liquor lightweight.”

“That’s rude Little-wing.”

“You’ll live Golden-Boy.”

ª     Alfred is sitting on a chair relaxing for once, completely undisturbed by what’s occurring around the pool.

ª     He’s been giving the day off and he’s absolutely taking advantage of it.

ª     Eventually, the sun begins to set and when night comes, everyone goes to the theater room for movies.

ª     The pool party ended up turning into an overnight thing.

ª     The Bat symbol turned on and immediately everyone turned to Bruce who just pointed at them and went ‘No.’

“Absolutely not.”

“C’mon Bruce, with all of us here, patrol will get done faster.”

“And let you teens and young adults have free reign of my city? I’d rather cut my own foot off.”

ª     There’s silence as everyone stares him down until Jason stands up and yells,

“He can’t catch all of us! Run!”

ª     Bruce and the JL spent the next six hours rounding up Teen Titans, Titans, and Outlaws.

ª     Patrol did get done faster; he will give Dick credit for that one.

ª     However, the phone call from Gordon and the mayor about the army of unannounced superheroes and the pure chaos as all the criminals fled in pure terror, was not one that he was overjoyed to get.

ª     But the ‘Start of Summer Pool Party’ had another success, and Bruce was happy to do it again the next year.

“Hey Bruce, can we do the pool party in Bora-Bora next year?”

“There’s no way in hell I’m flying everyone to Bora-Bora.”

“That’s what you think.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

[powerosewaterpuff]

yo ,i remember a post about sort of reverse batfam , between jason and dick , can you do the headcanons about under the red hood please

yes yes yes yes yes and another yes to top it all off. i really really love the idea, and i love under the red hood in general so thank u so much for suggesting this :) like i spent all day brainstorming (probs shoulda been studying but shhhhh) diff headcanons so i’m pretty excited to write it out. also so the timeline with this is a little tight ig?? i really wanted to include tim as bruce’s new sidekick with dick in the middle of his fallout with bruce but again a lil too tight so we’re just gonna have rebellious dick for now and i also haven’t watched death in the family so i’m basing this purely off of under the red hood :) (oh and fuck dick’s hair in the movie oh my god i’m ignoring that it even exists i’m so sorry)

dick is 17 on the cusp of hitting 18 and he’s so fucking sick of batman. every conversation of theirs was leading to a screaming match where each one tries to push their opinion as fact. it was getting messy and soul crushing at this point, and dick hated it. the rising action of it all was dick getting fired from robin, a role he hadn’t even been formally granted by batman yet he felt it in his power to strip him of it. he felt like a pawn in a chess game that gambled his identity and being off of the mind numbing mantra of be better. do better. faster. punch harder. follow orders. be better be better better. and dick was sick of it, so he shed the robin uniform. swallowing it like a bitter pill because he was forced to do so. but nightwing was giving him clarity as of late. the sheer rush, brilliance and exuberance of it all reminded him of when flying was a much simpler task.

however, dick had an annoyingly unwavering loyalty to protecting bruce’s (less batman then bruce. bruce was his father. batman was not. yet nowadays the man himself was forgetting who exactly was the secret identity and who the real person was.) safety and well-being, even if it meant risking another shouting round. so, once dick catches wind of batman’s whereabouts for the night, he decides to help him with Amazo etc., and dick cant help but realize how well they still mesh together when it comes to fighting. the talking part however, did not come naturally anymore. (it used to. it used to be so much easier)

now bruce, is attempting his best to keep dick out of the loop. he knows dick will furious. and dick’s temper is something not many can tame, but bruce would take the risk. he’d rather dick spit on his memory then be dead in his arms (just like jason was, blown to bits when he should’ve been in his room. safe. sleeping after studying for some test not fighting crime with him in the underbelly of Gotham city, or getting dragged along bruce’s self induced fight with the world.)

dick, of course, does not appreciate this and can very easily tell the bruce is trying to get him off the case. dick doesn’t appreciate that in the slightest, and it only makes him want to push more. to fight bruce on every detail and demand he be apart of this because that’s the only way he can get anywhere with him. it was fair to say, that the interrogation with the joker he had to force bruce into taking him too, wasn’t exactly pleasant. he watches, leaning back against the wall as batman has joker by the neck. some part of him hates himself for not being upset about this, like he’s failing his moral code in some way. but he ignores that half, and tries not to feel angry as bruce doesn’t choke joker out like the rat he is. dick wished, in the darkest parts of his mind, that he could burn joker alive, just to watch in vengeful satisfaction that the man who stole his brothers breath wither in pain. ( and watch that fucking laugh die out)

now, the confrontation goes quite similar. except dick is noticing these little things that resemble jason too much it be a coincidence. too much. he knows how jason fights, he’s sparred with him for years and used to spend countless nights in his room trying to emulate his older brothers swift and hard hitting movements in front of his mirror. he always wished he could hit as hard as jason, as dicks strength at the time was his inhuman flexiblity and professional acrobatic skills. now, when he and batman are against the red hood, fuck it doesn’t feel right to dick. it’s all too similar. it wasn’t even the bigger moves that caught his attention but the little moves in stance that screamed at him that it was his brother. he kept shutting the idea down, because if it was possible dick would have made it happen. he would’ve.

dick gets hurt in the aftermath, but bruce must be a fucking comedian if he thinks it’s going to stop him. they get into another argument, bruce talking him down to nothing and dick frustrated that bruce couldn’t see that he’s been doing this for too long to be lectured on it, and that bruce wasn’t atlas. he wasn’t responsible for the world being held up between his two hands. it simmers down to loud silence, like it always does and dick hobbles out. leaning slightly on alfred.

bruce’s hunch is eating him alive. devouring his soul and heart with a satisfying crunch, not sparing crumb. with the revelation that his son could be alive, and the Red Hood of all people, one of the first thoughts that run through his mind is that he could not tell dick. dick could never know, and will never know. it was a hushed promise, one kept inside his chest, locked like all of his unspoken words. it would crush dick, just like it was crushing bruce now. (or maybe it was because if bruce was on the fence about breaking his moral agenda, he knows that dick would hurdle over that fence. he hates that he knows this but he does. dick wears a bleeding heart on his sleeve for his family, especially for jason. this is the same boy that was set on killing zucco all those years ago before jason and him had stopped it.)

(jason’s tasting bitter green as he mulls over why the fuck dick was there. that little idiot was supposed to be at home. safe. not carrying out bruce’s destructive agenda of self proclaimed justice. he didn’t know whether to be mad at bruce or dick. because of course bruce encouraged this shit, eager to force another child soldier into the suit and send him out to die. but God, did it hurt that dick had taken bruce’s side over his even if he didn’t know it was jason. and that stung like a motherfucker. his little brother, whose fond memories were becoming hazed in a cloud of viridecent smoke, had picked bruce’s side. a little part of himself though, shy and hesitant, whispered that he had hurt dick. he had hurt his little brother and he couldn’t justify it no matter how vengeful he was. but he shoved that part aside, trying to ignore its desperate murmurs as they told him that every time he looked at nightwing or whatever the fuck his new name was, he saw his eight year old little brother smiling up at him).

dick knows that bruce thinks he’s covering his tracks well. he is but dick knows bruce, better then bruce thinks he does. so dick is slowly beginning to formulate a hunch of his own, as he spends countless nights rubbing his formerly injured leg and wondering if he really did everything he could’ve to save jason. if there was something he missed. it’s starting to gnaw away at him, until realization settles into his chest after snooping through bruce’s files. then, he’s dashing to get into uniform, giving a breathless and hasty apology to alfred. itsjasonitsjasonitsjasongogogorunrunrun

batman. red hood. bruce. jason. father. son. bruce cannot stomach the vigor in jason’s words and jason’s heart is giving out at the fact that his father won’t do this for him. to end that pathetic excuse of a fucking life, one that’s stolen from so many people, but it still wasn’t up to his moral standards limit. was jason not enough to warrant a sacrifice for the greater good. (was jason’s desperate need to feel safe of that walking nightmare not worthy to overtake any mission)

it happens in a rush. dick is swinging up to the building, the blood pumping through his ears drowning out the screams of his chest. the joker tackles batman as the timer tick tick tick’s away numbingly. suddenly, dick has kicked the joker off and has one hand over his neck while the other smothers itself over his mouth and nose. why didn’t he do this before? why didn’t he kill the thing before? it didn’t even deserve to be called human, so why would any moral standards apply to a human based code. if batman wanted to be the whole representer of pure justice, fine. he could do that. dick wasn’t though. he was going this kill piece of shit then never let go of jason as long as he lived.

suddenly, there’s a pull at the back of dick’s uniform and at the corner of his eye he catches sight of jason being pulled by bruce as well and he’s just about to call out for him when the next thing he knows a blast rockets through his ears and the world goes black.

jason was no where to be found. and bruce ends up having to shove dick into the batmobile before he lunged after the joker, after realizing jason was missing and that the joker was still alive and kicking. the argument that insues? isn’t pretty. in fact it’s their worst. dick had spun around and asked bruce, ‘who are you? batman or bruce? because im not talking to batman, i want to hear why bruce couldn’t do the one thing his son needed! i want to know why bruce thought it was going to be beneficial not to fucking tell me that my brother-Bruce, he’s my brother! that he was alive, because you thought I was gonna pull shit like this? look at that! the exact thing you tried to avoid happened, you know why? because you cannot trust me, and it blew up in your face!’

it goes on. and on. and on. there’s no resolution, or admittance to what happened. bruce simply shuts himself down, stating this wasn’t changing anything. there was a then and a now, one in which bruce harbours enough guilt to crush his shoulders.

there’s a stony resolution in dick’s voice after bruce tells him to get out with more finality to it then he’s ever said it before, when he says, “fine. batman.”

(jason replays it over and over again in his head. the batarang. bruce turning his back to him. the jokers screechy laugh eating at his mind. eruptions of pain from the crowbar. again. again. again. and dick. smothering the joker. a steely resolve in his brothers eyes he never wanted to see but was secretly glad for. it replays like a broken film in his head, cutting and chopping but creaking out the same tune.)

AHHH OK SO i def wanted to do so much more with this ugh but i really wanted it done td so excuse just how unpolished it is, i might go back with some new ideas in it, but i like where i ended it off. this is more or less the ‘detachment’ phase in dick’s relationship with bruce, as hes nearing the end of high school and cannot do this with bruce anymore (oh college is a whooole other ordeal hehe) but i think dick would be better to tim then what he canonically was to jason. (also because dick is totally not on a mission to get his brother back at all costs and fix this family, nope. not at all.), and i think dick just has a lot more anger in this too? and bitterness here ig? just because he had lost his parents, then his brother essentially, and had to deal with being the emotional support to bruce who was falling apart. it’s a heavy load, and dick is absolutely still himself, just when it comes to jason and the joker as well as his family in general, i think he has a lot more anger as well as less control yk? (oh also i have him less in blüdhaven in this lil thing just bc like he’s still in highschool and is in this weird phase with bruce that hes fired etc., but is now yk fully going into the, ‘i’m not speaking to you anymore’ part. SOO THATS IT FOR THAT THANK YALL SO SOOOO MUCH FOR READING UR KINDA ALL THE BEST TBH AND TYSM FOR THE SUGGESTION AGAIN THIS WAS HELLA FUN :)!!

[agitatogrande]

Trindel Wedding Headcanons

Someone else posted their Trindel wedding headcanons and I thought I’d share my own. There is some debate in Fandom over whether Trindel’s wedding took place in 1979 or 1980, but I’ve chosen to place it in 1979 since May 27th 1980 was a Tuesday and who gets married on a Tuesday night?

Mendel and Trina get married in the little courtyard in Trina's building (I've always imagined Trina to be living in a first floor apartment since she mentions letting a dog out, although she could just be letting the dog out to go shit in the hallway) and have the reception in the apartment since there aren't a ton of guests.

Mendel invites his parents (his aunts and uncles live mostly out of town or have passed away--- that's a headcanon I'll save for another post), his four sisters and their children and significant others. Trina invites her parents, her sister, her brother-in-law, and her niece. Mendel feels bad that he invited so many more people than Trina did, but Trina doesn't really care. Jason is allowed to invite two guests. He invites a friend from his school's chess club but the friend isn't allowed to go because it's a school night. He also invites Whizzer. Trina feels a little weird about that because he and Marvin still have drama, but Jason points out that Marvin's not going to the wedding so Trina lets Jason invite him.

Trina plans to just get married in her nicest dress since she isn't having a big showy wedding that would require a big showy dress, and she obviously doesn't want to wear her first wedding gown. She decides to wear her mother's old wedding gown even though it's a little too short for her and has been in a bag in her mother's closet since 1942. Trina's mother is delighted, and Trina looks great in the dress.

Mendel, in turn, borrows a tux from his own father since the last tux he wore was in the Great Weisenbachfeld Bar Mitzvah Fiasco of February 1958 (in which Mendel's youngest sister Frances, then only about six months old, loudly passed gas throughout the entire service and everyone thought it was Mendel). Mendel's father is not tall, but he's taller than Mendel, and the tux is baggy. Mendel is mortified but Trina doesn't care.

Only two of Mendel's sisters end up showing up to the wedding (the younger ones). Naomi has a bazillion kids and doesn't feel like wrangling them all onto the train, and Helen is one of those people who moved to the East Side and won't go crosstown even for her own brother's wedding. Deborah and Frances show up two hours early and hog the bathroom putting on inappropriate amounts of makeup (they're almost 28 and almost 22 respectively in 1979). Jason goes into the bathroom for a last minute pee five minutes before the wedding and nearly chokes to death on his new step-aunts' hairspray fumes. Needless to say, Deborah and Frances are EXTREMELY prepared for the 1980s.

Their "something old" is Trina's wedding dress, their "something new" is their wedding officiant (the first female rabbi to be ordained in North America), their "something borrowed" is Mendel's tux, and the official wedding yarmulkes are the "something blue."

Trina's niece has horrendous allergies to practically every flower on the planet so instead of flowers decorating the chuppah, Trina borrows Christmas lights from the neighbors.

Jason and Whizzer make the cake. Jason thinks he has it under control because he watches Trina bake all the time, and he kicks Whizzer out until it's decorating time. What they have is an absolutely GORGEOUS cake that tastes like lukewarm garbage. The second Jason's out of the house, Mendel disposes of the cake by tossing it in a dumpster near Riverside Park. Jason is none-the-wiser until a few days later when he sees a raccoon smearing itself with an oddly-familiar shade of frosting.

The rabbi is a Chaplain at Lenox Hill Hospital who Helen met during her husband's appendectomy. Unlike Helen, however, Rabbi Sally IS willing to travel to the West Side.

Because Naomi and Helen (the only siblings of Mendel's who have kids) don't attend, Mendel and Trina are left high-and-dry in regards to the ring bearer and flower girl. Jason and Allison (Trina's niece) pinch-hit, but they both feel way too old to be doing it despite the fact that neither of them have hit their teens.

Trina is neither Mendel's first girlfriend nor his first sexual experience but she is his first serious long-term partner. Mendel's parents adore her and they practically hold Mendel hostage over the phone for two hours the day before the wedding imploring him not to fuck it up. Mendel's mother is less harsh than his father on this issue, but she practically gives him an aneurysm with the TMI on how to please a woman. After the phone call, Mendel prays for the first time since his bar mitzvah, imploring God to never let him hear his mother say the word "climax" again.

Trina and Mendel both get the giggles during their vows and make out for an uncomfortably long time after they are pronounced husband and wife. Trina gives a long-winded speech at the reception about how helpful Mendel has been with Jason, how wonderful it is to become part of his family, and how it all turned out for the best that they only had ten guests because that's not enough people to lift them up on chairs and dance. Whizzer jokes that it will happen some day (spoiler alert: nope)

After the ceremony and reception, Trina's family heads back to Westchester. Whizzer offers to let Jason stay with him overnight so that Mendel and Trina can have some alone time, but Whizzer lives too far from Jason's school and has had a lot of champagne and Trina is concerned Whizzer won't wake up in time to get Jason ready. Mendel's parents decide to walk him to Marvin's place and get cookies on the way because Jason feels rotten about ruining the cake. Mendel's dad gives Jason "the talk" on the way there and Jason can't look at Mendel for a week afterwards.

Mendel and Trina do not consummate their marriage on their wedding night because Mendel's so overwhelmed with emotion (they're happy tears, but still) and Trina feels weird about "schtupping" an openly sobbing man. They do enjoy a lovely cuddle though.

Trina's mother and Mendel's mother form an alliance at the wedding and take turns harassing their children for the next two years about the prospect of future grandchildren (despite the fact that Trina's mother already has two and Mendel's mother has a bazillion). They eventually get their wish in January 1982 with the birth of Elizabeth Taylor Weisenbachfeld (named after Whizzer's favorite actress, and nicknamed "Whizzie" for short), after which they move uptown to a larger apartment in Marvin's building, and the birth of Caroline Charlotte "CC" Weisenbachfeld and Marina Cordelia "Marnie" Weisenbachfeld in September 1983. Marnie is named after Marvin, who passes in the spring of 1983. I've always headcanoned Trina to be a few months along during "Holding To The Ground" as she contemplates bringing another life into an increasingly damaged world.