#This ask was a lot deeper and spiraled a bit more than it needed to…. whoops

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Hey mystery I have a question. While trapped in the tube frozen, do you think that Shadow could dream or anything? Do you think that he had a level of awareness of what was going on? Asking for research for a fanfic I’m writing. Also, you’re the smartest person I know so I wanted to ask.

Hello, my dear!❤️✨

This is a very interesting question. To be honest, I feel that it really depends on Shadow’s situation. I’m not entirely sure as to what direction you’re writing Shadow’s experience in for your project. (When you’ve finished, please send it to me. I wanna read it). It kinda factors into what answer I give you in the long run. For this ask, I feel that it would be safer to supply more than one potential scenario so that you have that information in hand.

Let’s make a little disclaimer first: most of what I’m sharing with you are hypothetical scenarios. As much as I would love to delve deep into this topic, I find that my answers might be… hmm… taken with a grain of salt. I express this because this is a developing field. There either isn’t much research to it, or existing case studies haven’t been updated since the early-to-mid 2000’s. Research of the topic barely have much to contribute to it for multiple reasons (I.E., finding volunteers, researchers, funding. You know, fun stuff). While these ideas and concepts are fantastic, the best I can offer are educated guessed with some research that brings some support to a claim.

It’s also important to keep in mind that this is a fictional character. Not everything needs a scientific explanation. Sometimes it’s just fun to bend the rules a little bit and let your imagination run wild! You can take all of my ideas to heart and use them, or you can throw them away in the trash. It’s not gonna hurt my feelings, Let Shadow be whatever you want him to be in your project, okay?

Alright, now for the fun stuff. Here we go!

What is REM Sleep?

To put simply, REM (rapid eye movement) sleep is the state of consciousness in which an individual experiences low function of the body to gain full rest. This is the state of sleep in which people experience dreams from as well. With this rapid eye movement, we can infer that a person is engaging with either a memory or a dream! It’s a form of memory that allows an individual to remember muscle spasms, movements, sights, smells, sounds, etc., and process nearly everything that was absorbed through an engaging environment (NSF, 2020). REM sleep play a crucial part in development of the mind. Having that down time to experience dreams and memories allows for a sense of mental and emotional maturity of past/current situations.

Infant-Like Slumber:

If the question in mind is geared towards him being created, then possibly? More than likely not. We run into a couple of problems when exploring this topic:

A). We don’t have enough information on fetal and infant development to make a logical conclusion.

B). We don’t have enough technological advances and volunteers to make this happen.

The best that I could describe is this: he would have lots of muscle spasms, but he’s dream with select sound and no pictures. His form of “dreaming” would be sensory-based and how he engaged with his environment. “Environment” being him in his stasis pod. This is the same way that newborn infants engage with their REM sleep (American Institute of Physics, 2009).

Let’s create a hypothetical scenario for you here: If Shadow’s stasis pod was built to be interactive, then I think that he would be able to hear and sense touch pretty well! His little pod could allow him to hear Maria, Gerald, and all of the other scientists in the lab while he’s still “cooking.” If touch was implied as well, then he could reflect on that physical contact. It could help create an emotional connection and recognition of safety establish with everyone even before opening his eyes (Harmon, 2010). Anthropologist like myself make it a point to share that physical touch is important through cultural and social teachings. When I mean “physical touch,” I mean along the lines of hand holding, high five, hugging, kissing, anything! Not only does it help create of safety and familiarity, it helps individuals recognize and distinguish people to form inner circles. Individuals need physical touch for emotional development and a boost in physiological development (Cekaite et Al., 2011).

Again, this is hypothetical scenario. I did not find any indication through Gerald’s journals (SA2, Sonic Battles), Rouge’s field report, and trivia from his creators on Twitter that he was able to hear things around him while he was in his stasis pod.

Cryogenic Hypothesis:

Cryogenically freezing—otherwise known as Cryopreservation—is another iffy scenario to explore as well. Traditionally, cryogenically suspended individuals are deceased… and have bee deceased for mere minutes. Cryopreservation is not flash freezing an individual like a popsicle, these are individuals that are kept in a temperature controlled environment for extended periods of time in a liquid nitrogen temperature (Paulo, 2012).

This is a topic in the scientific community that is considered a bit controversial. Some believe that it can be real and life saving, others believe that it’s completely a pseudoscience. And then there’s a small cluster of scientists who don’t really have an opinion on it because there isn’t a lot of information on it. If there was more funding and willingness to explore this topic, then sure! I’m positive that there will be more researchers out there that would like to explore cryopreservation on human and their mental state more.

What I can tell you is that there can’t be any form of dreaming in cryopreservation. There would be cellular damage. There isn’t a trace of brainwave activity that could display REM from cryopreservation individuals. This would not be plausible for Shadow if you’d like for him to dream in your fanfic.

Comatose Hypothesis:

My final thought would be to portray him as if he were in a coma-like state for there to be a form of dreaming.

Medical research has strongly indicated that a patient’s brain does not show signs of normal sleep and wakefulness cycles, meaning that they more than likely cannot dream in a coma (Blackburn, 2023). However, it depends on the state in which the coma is caused (I.E., if the visual context of the brain is damaged or medically induced to help patients heal). Some patients that have awaken from their comas shared that they’ve felt as if they were in a dream-like state/nightmare loop. J. Schradar, a psychologist reporter for Psychology Today, shared that when she was in a coma it felt as if she viewed “memories upon memories and violently ripped away from them (Schradar, 2021).

It’s like being trapped in a maze with fuzzy feelings. You’re aware that you lived a life, but you can’t make out what you did and what happened. There would be speech and compression problems with retaining new memory. We do know that coma patients can respond to select sound as well (Blackburn, 2023). As stated in a previous section, sound plays a vital role in creating a memory. With sound—as well as following under the idea that Shadow’s in the process of being sealed away by GUN after the raid on the ARK—Shadow can build upon that and form dreams. He can form memories and emotional responses to them.

Discussion:

We know that Shadow was created with the intentions of being a cure for illness, as well as a cure for immortality (Sonic Heroes game manual). However, there are some limitations. We don’t know the true extent of his immortality. He could easily die depending on the extremity of the situation. All that we know about our ageless hedgehog-alien hybrid is that he’s got kickass air shoes and a sense of immortality.

I am much more inclined to believe that Shadow was put into an induced coma before being sealed away. Dreams and memories that Shadow had experienced in the past are behind metaphorical doors and locked away. His subconscious walks around through an endless maze of distorted images of what he engaged with in the past. He—supposedly—can hear sounds, but we’re not entirely certain of his surroundings and mental state of mind. He could absolutely have an idea of him being trapped in the fog of his mind. The only thing that he could do is relive memories of the past and be haunted by nightmares. I’m also willing to believe that he had a state of conscious (to a certain degree) while being created aboard the ARK. We’ve seen through the games that each time Shadow awakens from stasis, he already has a knowing. He displays the ability to react quickly and speak by the time his eyes open. He already has a stream of consciousness.

I feel that either of these would be an interesting approach to your personal project to explore. I’d like to share one more with you for your story. One that is a bit more of a stretch, but would be interesting to explore.

As soon as Shadow awakens by Dr. Robotnik in SA2, Shadow says the line “my name is Shadow. Since you’ve been so kind as to release me, my master, I will grant you ONE wish.” I feel that this line has a lot more meaning to it than what fans give it credit for. I don’t believe that this line was put in the game for the sake of the scene being cool and relatively cheesy. Of all the things that Shadow could have said when he was awaken, why that line? I feel that this particular line strengthens the idea that Shadow had dreams as if he were in a coma-like state. This one line could indicate that he just awoke from a revisited memory of him and Maria having philosophical talks about fulfilling their wish to go to Earth. This one line foreshadows that both Shadow and Maria had wishes. And maybe, just maybe, that would be his “dream.”

Anyways. I hope that this helps with your research for your fanfic. These are my thoughts on the subject. I’ve made sure to put sources to my thoughts for you to read further if you’re interested. Again, you don’t have to use these ideas if you don’t want to, or you can 100% use them to your full advantage. I don’t necessarily believe that we’re supposed to be thinking that hard when it comes to Shadow being awaken from his 50+ year sleep, but I can completely understand the need to question. If you have any further questions or thoughts, please feel free to ask! I’m more than happy to help! Best wishes❤️✨

[nicromancytarot]

WHAT WILL YOUR FANS THINK OF YOU?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I do not charge for these readings, and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I get for the readings, but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that is just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD TAROT READING

I asked my spirit guides what your fans would think of you if/when you become famous, pick a picture to find out what they have to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

They’ll think you have a very good work ethic, and that you a perfect balance between what you show online and what you hide behind the scenes. They’ll respect you for showing your struggles and helping them stay motivated, you could teach them some valuable lessons, directly or not, it’ll stick with them for years. They may think that you’re a bit impulsive and quick to act on things. You could get into a fair amount of public disputes which stresses them out since they have to be there to defend you. Their may be some times that they see you as someone they want to become, however it seems they believe your life is so far out of their reach. They definitely gossip about you a lot on social media, to their friends or family, heavy energy of telling all third parties about you, whether they wish to hear it or not. They view you as someone who has everything, and they may sometimes think you are a tad ungrateful, that’s only for those of you who won’t share your personal struggles online, they’ll just be a few lines blurred between truths and their interpretations about you. The reason they feel all of this is because they see you working really hard to appease to your audience, and sometimes they may think you stress out about their perception about you, not knowing that they plan on sticking around for as long as you let them.

PILE 2

For a lot of you, you’re in an industry where your personal struggles are seen, whether you right music or books about your trauma, or you talk on a podcast which expresses your truest emotions, some of them pity you; not in a patronising way, rather a way or recognising everything that you were unfortunate enough to live through, and they respect your perseverance for it. They may have noticed that you popped up spontaneously, some of you could even be an industry plant and they’re confused about where you came from lmao. I see that they may gatekeep you for a while, making fun of anyone who didn’t know you before your most viral content/project came out and everyone started to recognise you as a creator or artist, you may need to control this to make sure it doesn’t spiral out of control and get toxic. They see you as someone they look up to and feel mentally, emotionally and spiritually in touch with, someone who understands them on deeper levels that no one else ever has, you’re their home. Your fans feel like you’ve lived many lives and you know the world like the back or your hand; they look up to you for advice and ideas, they trust your judgement more than anything, they do have the tendency to follow you blind. For some of you, they may struggle or flat out refuse to hold you accountable for your actions if you make a mistake, so make sure to remind them that you are human and they should call you out if you slip up. Super defensive over you, they will attack anyone who slanders your name - again, this can be good, however just ensure it doesn’t spiral out of control.

PILE 3

Well my pile 3, they feel a lot. Firstly, a large amount of them are parasocial, very sorry, just got to give that to you. You could be known for your appearance or something along those lines, and they are very, very attracted to you, which leads them to being a tad too parasocial here. I see they would defend you with sticks and stones if you gave them the chance, there is nothing to stop them from sticking up for you against those pesky trolls. They’re also keyboard warriors, so you may wanna ensure your fandom are not blabbing their mouths about other fandoms, just for the sake of keeping everything comfortable and healthy. Some of you, if not most could post vlogs or TikToks that resemble a FaceTime call, and this could make them feel attached to you and as if you are their friend. They respect your work a lot, they may constantly beg for you to release more of what you do, they’re waiting on their hands and knees for your next drop. They are making you a shit ton of money, rewatching all your videos a million times, going to all your concerts, travelling the world to be at your meet and greets. They’re very obsessive, so you may wanna back down a little on how much personal stuff you post. You could also be a streamer, and that’s making them feel more connected as they get to see the uncut 1-5 hours of your life, again feeding their parasocial desire. They have a name for themself that they go by, and a fair amount of them may call you a parental name “mother,” “father,” “parent.”

[justporo]

Blood running amongst us

No one had ever spoken of the waves of tingling lust running through your body caused by your lifeblood rushing from your body to the vampire’s as he felt your pulse under his lips. A sensation almost as intimate as if he was buried deep inside of your body.

Either way he had a tendency to get lost in you.

That’s what you would be going for tonight - either way.

MASTERLIST | AO3 | PART 2

Author's Note: I wanted to write some smut again when I got that request asking for Astarion receiving some sweet sweet head. And he will. But you know I wouldn't be me if it didn't completely spiral out of hand. So this willl be a hopefully nutritious three-course meal (plus dessert maybe?) - this being merely the appetizer. Gif by @cheekylittlepupp (pls follow them!)

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

Warnings: explicit sexual content, foreplay, blood kink, light predator/prey dynamic, dryhumping

Wordcount: 2,1k

The day had been strenuous for all of you. Your adventures had been tiring before you had entered the cursed Shadowlands but now it had taken on a wholly new quality of exhausting.

All of it weighed especially heavy on Astarion it seemed, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Not only was the fact that he was once more surrounded by darkness the cause of a perpetuous knot in his stomach but there was nearly nothing here to keep him fed. It was more than just an uneasy feeling that had become his continuous companion roaming these godsforsaken lands.

His usually glinting crimson eyes seemed to have lost their sparkle and the dark circles around them seemed deeper than you had ever seen them before. His behaviour had become a lot more skittish again too: eyes flitting around as if he feared his old master could await around every corner now.

It made your chest clench in agony to see him like that. Especially since he had opened up a little about his past and what pain it had meant to become and be a vampire.

Now he'd barely begun to enjoy a bit of sunlight and freedom again, only to be thrown back into the shadows. Like a flower that had just sprung up only to be wilting away so quickly again.

You wouldn't let that happen. You swore it silently to yourself as you kept watching the man that had managed to make your heart stir, despite everything.

Not that you had planned to fall for the pale elf that had grazed your neck with a blade the first time you'd met. It hadn't exactly been love at first sight. And now you didn’t quite know how you would ever tell him. But all gods above and below be damned, you would rip your own heart out and hand it to him on a silver platter if only it meant, Astarion would be safe and happy.

But thankfully this wasn’t yet needed - a bit of blood this far had sufficed to nurture him. And you had an idea how to make him at least temporarily forget some of the worries he so obviously was carrying around with himself.

Immediately when your party set up camp for the night you sauntered over to your vampire, dragging him into his tent telling him that he should feed on you. You would make sure to take some of the worry off him - make him feel happy.

“My, aren’t you a little too desperate to get my fangs sunk into your neck, darling?” Astarion teased, one eyebrow lifted. His tone sounded a little flat compared to his usual flamboyant manner. But he still obviously wouldn’t reject your generous offer. You laid down on his bedroll like you were used to from all the times before to let the vampire climb on top of you so he could easily access your graciously offered neck.

It had become a well practised ritual between the two of you. All steps meticulously planned out and followed through. You were laying on your back, trying to stay relaxed. But an exhilarating mix of anticipation and some kind of primal fear took hold of you like usual. Your hands became a little clammy and your fingers began to tap a nervous tune as you watched Astarion kneel down beside you. After all, you were about to hand yourself over to a mortal predator.

For now though, it was merely the anticipation nearly killing you - or was there something else to it?

If you were honest with yourself, it was more than instinctual fear that made the pace of your heart pick up. The whole process was - as you had quickly found out - incredibly intimate and titillating; despite - or rather because of - the pain.

You knew that as much, if not more, was true for the vampire as well. In fact, it was often quite evident - and not only because he enjoyed taking his time when he saw you already quivering beneath you.

Not uncommonly after Astarion had taken enough of your blood to keep up his strength did the tension in the air become overwhelming and lead to both your bodies entangling further and a night was quickly wasted away wrapped up fully in each other.

For now though he had you pinned to the ground beneath him with the way his knee slid between your legs, one hand next to your head and the other gently wandering over the delicate skin of your throat. Cool, smooth fingers wrapped around the back of your neck to steady you for him - one by one.

His grip was firm. You knew his fingers would soon dig into your soft flesh even harder - as soon as his instincts at least partially took the better of him. It was those moments that had your heart gallop near to collapse: knowing what he was while you were fully assured that Astarion was very well capable of keeping the reins on himself firmly.

The vampire hovered over you as you watched him close in on you, your heart beat tumbling. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips.

His angelic face above you could have been enough to forget everything else-

But you mustn’t lose track of your objective - he was the sole focus tonight. As hard as it was with Astarion’s crimson eyes already devouring you as he bared his fangs right above where your racing heart beat showed him where his lifeline laid.

You wrapped your arms gently around him when he leaned into you. Some of his bodyweight settled down comfortably on you, rendering you fully immovable. You didn’t mind in the slightest as he pressed you down to the ground.

And as soon as Astarion’s thigh pressed between your legs, brushing against your core as he pinned you down more, coherent thoughts evaporated.

People had always only taught you to run from the big bad monster. No one had ever told you what might happen if you ever got caught. No one had ever mentioned the thrilling sensation of being in the monster’s grasp, feeling its grip tighten around you. No one had ever spoken of the intense pleasure between the two heartbeats of fangs grazing your skin and them sinking in, the breath that was held and the muscles that tensed.

No one had ever spoken of the waves of tingling lust running through your body caused by your lifeblood rushing from your body to the vampire’s as he felt your pulse under his lips. A sensation almost as intimate as if he was buried deep inside of your body.

Either way he had a tendency to get lost in you.

That’s what you would be going for tonight - either way.

Right now you felt the familiar shot of pain echo through you that quickly turned into this icy, numbing sensation that felt weirdly pleasant. A soft mewl left your lips as Astarion began drinking your blood. He could always feel how your heartbeat quickened even more as he indulged in your exquisite and generous offering of blood. The taste was promisingly and uniquely you, nothing would ever compare to this.

For a few long moments the tent was filled with nothing but soft moans and whimpers. Something you hoped would linger when Astarion would’ve had his share of blood from you to keep up his strength.

So - time to set up a trap on your own.You let your hands softly wander over his back, pressing down gently so he would lower himself fully onto you. And when he quickly let himself be roped in by you and your tender offer, you made your hips roll into him, eliciting a groan from Astarion as he was still buried in your neck.

You were delighted by the friction it caused. Every tiny bit of traction made the coil in your lower body wind tighter - until this alone could have become your undoing.

And to your satisfaction you clearly felt the vampire’s desire already manifest too. Only hesitantly had Astarion admitted to you how arousing the whole act felt for him. How he hadn’t be prepared for the primitive lust it caused him to have you like this, to taste you. And how it had taken every last ounce of his self-control that first night he’d drunk your blood to not take you right then and there until you would have been nothing but an overstimulated, drained whimpering mess.

Now he embraced this sensation and latched onto it deliberately.

His hardening length was pressing against your stomach now with the way you worked on eliminating even the last bit of space in between you. Instinctively and subconsciously he began slowly grinding into you. You coaxed him on with breathless, almost obscene gasps and moans spilling from you and rolling your hips against him again and again. Effectively grinding on his thigh between your legs.

The two of you stayed like this in this unbelievably intimate embrace, lewdly writhing against each other as you offered Astarion the life force he needed.

He could have kept living off meagre critters. But getting to indulge in your exquisite, incomparable taste heightened the pleasure and sensation tenfold for the vampire - the difference between merely surviving and enjoying life and all the sinful pleasures it had to offer to the fullest.

A whole eternity passed as you felt Astarion’s fingertips dig harder and harder into your neck - just as you had wished for. Only part of the beast within the vampire was unleashed - the part that enjoyed playing and teasing and made it enjoyable for both of you. The delicious pain added onto the hazy, floaty numbness spreading through your body and made your eyes roll back. The moan that drifted off your lips was immediately answered by Astarion with another groan of his own. The faint metallic scent of your blood filled the air.

You felt his rock hard cock drag along you. You were already desperately longing for it.

But this was first and foremost about your vampire tonight.

He bucked his hips into you harder now, almost losing control. But Astarion always remained having the upper hand in the end.

When he finally withdrew from you, you saw how the pupils in his eyes were diluted. Giving him more animalistic than humanoid air. The creature within him was barely in check.

He licked a last trickle of blood off his lips as he sat up again, sitting back on his legs. And with the gesture you saw him regain some of his composure, the man getting a hold on his more primal side again.

Your heart hammered against your rib cage as you observed Astarion. You got up onto your elbows at first and then sat up while the vampire took deep breaths, trying to find the anchor within him again. A massive bulge was clearly outlining against his pants.

Astarion’s crimson eyes wandered slowly up your body. Surely your arousal must be visible too, you already felt your nipples press against your shirt and how sweat made it stick to your torso.

“You’re playing dangerous games, my sweet love,” Astarion murmured, sounding breathless despite his lack of needing respiration. One of his hands was clawing into his knee, the grip slowly loosening the more breaths he took. With his other he tried to capture an escaped drop of your blood before it would be lost. He surely couldn’t be accused of letting anything go to waste.

As you gazed upon him, you saw that some of the vigour he’d recently been missing had returned to him. Which was most prominently evident by his cock achingly straining against his pants.

Your eyes dropped to it and your tongue darted out to wet your lips subconsciously.

“Maybe I enjoy that,” you replied firmly, catching his gaze and holding it while you crawled over to him. He smirked softly at you as you prowled closer.

“Proceed at your own caution then, darling,” he replied, purring the last word. You hummed contentedly, smiled and pressed an almost chaste kiss to his soft lips. It felt almost innocent after what you had just engaged in. He kissed you back just as lightly.

And when you had lured him with your gentle caress, you pushed him back by his shoulders, making him fall backwards.

The vampire gasped curtly but was already smirking lasciviously at you as you roamed closer with a grin that bared your teeth - as if the roles were reversed now.

He’d fallen right into your trap.

You had brought him to an edge once already this night.

You would take him to another - and then beyond.

~~~

Part 2

Taglist (DM if you want to be added please): @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @darlingxdragon @hereliesblackdragon @ayselluna @ajokeformur-ray @i-cant-get-into-my-other-account @rikuyrk06 @marina-and-the-memes @somewhatclear

[faorism]

every once in a while, when it's a quiet moment between him and one of his partners—could be anything from a stake out to a long drive in lucille to the warm moments between making love and sleep—eliot will turn to them and say, tell me something i don't know.

parker will usually tell him secrets. the bits of history that only exist between her, bunny, and now eliot. there's a lot from living on the streets, when she was young. she tells him about training with archie; eventually, she tells him what it felt like. she tells him about loneliness and not understanding and frustration and how her hands hurt when she wants to flicker them around; when he asks her why she doesn't let them, she says to ask another night. that's too big a secret to share when another's been revealed already. he does ask, and she does answer. once, she says in a shaking voice, i love you and hardison so much, and parker feels silly because duh eliot knows that, hardison knows that, but eliot heard something deeper than she could express, so he held her tight and kissed her hair as she shivered through the weight of her confession. after sharing with eliot, sometimes parker feels comfortable enough to share with hardison, peggy, sophie, or a client who needs to know they are not alone in the mess and hardship of the world. much later, the fact that parker has shared something once makes it easier to tell her shrink as she gets on SSRIs, which she seeks out after confessing to eliot that even if it had been based on a lie to grift hurley, maybe there was something to her treatment at the second act rehabilitation center that she missed. occasionally, she'll tell him about art. he listens just as patiently as anything else she decides to divulge and she loves him all the more for it.

hardison infodumps. parker didn't press eliot for what he meant the first time he asked; hardison did. eliot had shrugged, anything you wanna share. hardison nips out a testy, so if i go off about (he paused thinking of something that would surely turn eliot off) optimal simcity street design strategies, you wouldn't mind? eliot didn't back down, even when hardison went into a two-hour spiral that branched into different iterations on the concept, including rollercoaster typhoon. eliot made a few comments here and there, asked some clarifying questions now and again, but otherwise let hardison rail on. the next time, the question was framed as what you working on? but the effect was the same. eventually, hardison stopped hesitating and started looking forward to these monologue sessions. hardison doesn't think anything of them other than he's got some quality time with his partner, until one day on a job with some leverage international trainees, eliot manages (elle woods style) to untangle the lie at the heart of a condo scam with a few pointed questions about the plumbing. when one of the trainees asked how the hell he knew that, hardison expects to hear over the comms how eliot once dated a plumber or an architect; instead, eliot scoffs, you met my partner. genius knows a little of everything. which is when hardison remembers once infodumping about sprinkler systems. eliot gets the tightest of hugs when he gets home for truly listening to hardison.

[blackbirdsblackberries]

I saw your Anti Hero reader and man, it was really good. Since you asked in the post if family should be Yandere, I think you should. Just think about it, maybe Bruce (Maybe he's already a Yandere, maybe not) is forcing the kids to make you an "ally" (family member), so they start investigating and discover that you have a lot in common with them

Maybe your parents died and that makes Dick think you called Bruce dad, due to the absence of your own parents (he sees you as a version of him without Bruce).

Maybe Jason will find information about how you were abandoned and betrayed by your uncles, throwing you onto the deadly streets of Gotham (he wants to protect you so you don't end up like him).

Maybe Tim figured out that you wanted to be like Batman in the past, helping people, but you lost hope in his no-kill rule, and now he wants to bring you back to the right path (He thinks you're like him, deciding to use your life to help people, even if it's the "wrong" way).

And maybe Damian will find out that all the money you earned when you got paid and what you earned in your mercenary job, was donated to animal refugees AND children's hospitals, starting to see the good things his father sees in you (the little rascal is just jealous AND wants the same affection that you give to those children in the hospital).

Anyway This is just an idea I had, your post really inspired me so I wanted to share it with you and see what you think.

I hope you have a good day AND take care of yourself.

🍁Anon

Are you psychic? You have to be. I was thinking that while writing the mini story!!

Dick, once he digs deeper and figures out you're an orphan/your parents are shit, will immediately compare him as a child to you! So pure, untainted, energetic. You haven't seen the true ways of the world... (You have, he just wants to delude himself into thinking you haven't) He has to protect you from that. Plus, if you see Bruce as a father figure that makes Dick your big brother! Big brother's protect their little siblings, right? Have you not watched any shows with an older sibling? (No, all the ones with good sibling dynamics don't count. They're wrong.)

Jason's pity for you returns but in a different way. You were discarded onto the streets with no one to care for you due to some situation, you didn't deserve that. Jason would spiral from there; what would have happened if Joker saw you while you were on the streets and defenseless back then? Joker could have killed you like he did Jason! Whenever Jason fights someone and it has civilian casualties he'll start imagining it's you and will go absolutely feral. You won't protect yourself as well as you think you can, you're just a child! (You're in your late teens - early twenties but there's no need to mention that, he won't listen either way).

Tim's already done tons of research but the key bit of information sticks with him. He doesn't know why but it strikes a match that won't burn out. He can fix you, he can help you, he can be your support. You don't have to go down the path of killing, you can be good and save lives! Sure, you need his help and love but he's more than willing to give it to you (Delusional). If you're so much like him then that means you need him to help you! Just let him help you. Don't fight it.

Damian doesn't come around easily due to preconceived ideas. It's when he's made to follow you one night that he realizes how great you are, how you'd make a great big sibling. You would've entered an animal shelter to care for the animals in the morning then go to the children's hospital to volunteer during midday. He feels envious each day he watches you treat random kids as if they actually meant something to you. (Maybe they do, it's just best that Damian believes they don't).

[venerawrites]

Helloo! could I humbly request relationship headcanons for Sasuke before and after the war? as in the difference between him then and after? I always thought he'd be a lot more mature and his views on things might change? especially since before he never would've had the time to actually consider things like romantic relationships and such to a deep extent? I'd love to hear your thoughts! I wish you a good day/night!

(fem reader or gn!neutral is up to you! I'm okay with either!)

author's note: hi, lovely! I am so glad to get a request for Sasuke, as he is one of my favourite boys, but I don't really get the chance to write a lot for him. I guess the "after the war" Sasuke can be a bit OOC if you follow Boruto, but as I haven't watched it and I don't really agree with how most of the characters developed... I just kind of wrote the way I envision it. I hope you enjoy! <3

BEFORE the war

It is very hard to imagine Sasuke having a relationship with someone during the time when the only thing that plagued his mind was the idea of revenge.

If he was to get interested in someone, I would imagine it would be a civilian/retired ninja during his travels with Team Taka. (I don't really imagine him falling for a ninja tbh)

I think even here, we have to separate before and after Itachi's death...

Let's roll with the idea that he meets his s/o before killing his brother. During this time he won't be really interested in forming a relationship - for a really long time he won't even understand what is that funny thing inside his chest and why he feel the need to visit his s/o's house every few months.

Sasuke has the tendency to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, so I imagine that this is how he will behave with his s/o the same way - he will visit his their house at random times, always staying for different periods of time; demand that they heal him (if his s/o is a healer or had any basic medical knowledge); he would buy stuff for the house from the local market or leave some of his own (such as some of his clothes), almost as a way to establish a claim over them/their property.

He would never put a label on the type of "situationship" him and his s/o share, but it is clear to both that whatever is going on is deeper than a friendship.

Still very cold and reserved - would share very minimal information about his past or his goals, preferring to either sit in silence or ask his s/o questions.

Kind of grumpy and rude ALL THE DAMN TIME.

He didn't want to entertain the idea of having feelings for someone, yet he couldn't stay away. The intentions of his visits were always masked with some type of "excuse" - he was in "hiding"; he needed somewhere to "heal"; he wanted a "break" from his team etc. Yet he couldn't help but feel annoyed he was getting distracted from his main goal and he was taking it on his s/o in the form of snappy comments, rolling eyes, constant huffing and just in general bad attitude.

A silent protector - he would check on his s/o quite often, sometimes not even visiting their house, just watching from a distance to make sure they are okay. I imagine during this time he would be highly alert and worried Itachi may try to target his s/o, so he may even act a bit controlling by banning them from leaving their house after dark or letting any strangers inside.

Now Sasuke after killing Itachi and learning the truth about his clan... is a COMPLETELY different story.

We all know his mental health completely collapsed during this time and his mind spiraled downward. This would affect not only his actions, but also his relationship.

For starters, he would clearly establish that he consider them as "his" (if it was not clear before, it is now). His paranoia that everyone is after him, fueled with the fact that he not only wanted a revenge on Konoha, but also the belief that he needs to start rebuilding his clan soon, would push him into constantly trying to persuade his s/o to leave with him.

Now I've said that before, but I don't see Sasuke with the shy, agreeable type of partner... so most likely his s/o would just cuss him out and tell him to leave.

Lot's of arguments, jealousy and gaslighting - Sasuke is literally a walking RED FLAG during that time.

He also is not the type to give up easily, so even if his s/o tries to 'break things off', there is no getting rid of him - his s/o is HIS and he would make sure not only they understand it, but that the WHOLE WORLD does. Nobody loves like an Uchiha after all...

AFTER the war

If you expect head canons based on Sasuke's personality in Boruto... you better stop reading here! I've never seen Boruto, but I've read enough to know that (at least for me) almost all of the OG characters are ruined. So here is my interpretation of what type of partner Sasuke would be after the war...

Firstly, let's start with the fact that he will be by himself for a long time while travelling during his "exhile". Even if he had some type of partner/crush before the war, it is unlikely their relationship would survive after the war.

(which is quite good actually, because as I mentioned above, such relationship would be highly toxic and dysfunctional!)

I think at least a few years need to pass for him to really find himself, find his purpose and accept his past and that of his clan. He has been through a lot of trauma which needs a lot of healing and self-discovery.

Like mentioned above, I don't think he would fall in love with a ninja. In fact, I believe someone who is not really part of that bloody and cruel world would be perfect for him and he would finally have the chance to be himself.

Someone with a lot of patience would suit him well, because while he is more mature, I think he would be very insecure. He never really formed any significant bonds with other people, so he is unsure how to proceed and how to properly treat his s/o.

Definitely friends-to-lovers type of love story.

Sasuke after the war would be more patient and calm, but still fiercely overprotective. I still think he would scold his s/o of they are too careless or too trusting with strangers, he would be nearly as controlling as his younger self.

Tbh I never understood the character development in Boruto, because in my opinion adult Sasuke would totally want a quiet settled life with his partner, away from battles and more bloodshed.

It's already settled in him to be a provider and to be honest I imagine him as a very traditional male figure - the head of the family, the one taking care of his partner and kids, providing protection and security.

He still has a lot to learn and overcome, but the main thing that sets him apart from his younger self is the willingness to listen to his partner and work on himself.

He is still occasionally rude and snappy, and to an outsider way too cold and reserved toward his partner, but to his s/o it would be obvious that he does try to show affection in his own way - waking up before everyone else, so he can prepare breakfast; unconsciously shielding his partner (and kids) with his body in public; small gifts, most of which handmade; subtle touches on the arm or the lower back...

Overall, a piece of work... but definitely one that is worth it!

cc artwork: Christian Benavides

[goodluckclove]

Why Are You a Writer?

So the other day I did the second of my Writer's Refuge interview series, soon to be posted later this week. It went pretty well! It was with an artist on here I admire a lot and it was a really interesting conversation.

Perhaps even too interesting. We got onto the topic on why a person would tell stories, and their answer ended up being drastically different than mine. It ended up sending my on a little bit of a spiral (No fault of yours if you read this, Cass), but I didn't really talk about it with her at the time. You know, it's an interview. It's not about me.

My instinct when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable is to sort of hide away most of the time, but it's a sleepy day in the Gardener household and I think it might help me to talk about it. So below the read more I'm going to get deeper into the question often asked to people in my trade: why are you a writer?

Spoiler alert: it's because I'm lonely.

No real gravitas or dramatics there, I don't think. Little actual literary merit. I've heard people say that they're writers because they're overtaken by stories, just a vessel to the act of creation that can't help but craft narratives. I think that's cool in theory, and it's something I relate to, but I also think it's a mind type that doesn't exist in a vacuum.

I grew up a child of addicts with about a five and eight-year age gap between me and the rest of my siblings. We were conditioned to be deeply loyal to each other and care in the way our parents couldn't care for us, but most of the time my siblings didn't want to play with me. My parents didn't want to play with me. I had a few friends at school, but not many of them were able to hang out with me outside of campus for one reason or another. Throughout my developmental years I spent a majority of my time on my own, just figuring out different ways to entertain myself.

And I felt a fundamental other-ing from the rest of the people around me. I was precocious, considered "mature for my age" (a poison adults have been feeding the youth for generations), but it went deeper than that. I would speak quickly to my peers, joking almost frantically without letting them get a word in edgewise. It felt like they all knew a common language I was never able to learn and never could. At one point in middle school I told myself I was better than them. i don't think that anymore. Now I'm just confused.

As an adult I'm often confused by other people, sometimes to the point of fear. I struggle to stay afloat in large social situations, to look charming and keep the other person placated and talking, making sure they don't realize the fundamental truth that I'm not supposed to be there. Sometimes it gets to the point where I'm so exhausted that I physically can't look at human faces for hours afterwards. They all look like fleshy slugs.

Does that make sense? I say that a lot in conversation with those around me, a constant plea for validation. Am I making sense?

So I write. I write a lot. With no other line of work at the moment I've been writing about 60k words every month for the better part of the last year. And I do it to tell a story I'm passionate about, sure. I do it to process emotional ghosts from my past. But if I'm being honest with myself I know I write to create a connection between myself and the audience. To create a story that someone can read or watch and say "I understand", even if their interpretation is different than my own.

I do it because I'm lonely. And I'm not really proud of that. But it's the truth.

Riley was surprised when I told them this. So are you saying that if you were happy you wouldn't be a writer? They asked. Well, I am happy. I'm also lonely. These two things can exist at once.

But if I had a different life. A more functional family system that would've likely resulted in me needing far less treatment than I currently do. If all that was the case then I might not see the need to be deeply embedded in my own head. The rest of the world might not come off as the threat it sometimes is. But then again, my life and my identity would be so drastically different that I don't really see the point in speculating.

Would I be a writer? Maybe. I don't know. I'd probably have other hobbies.

I don't usually like talking about myself like this. It feels indulgent. A little too skin-less for my tastes. But, as with anything else, maybe someone younger and in a similar state could read me talking in this way and feel an aspect of comfort. If one person does then that would be worth it. I'm glad I'm a writer and I think I'm a capable one. I'm also aware that being a capable writer doesn't necessarily mean you're also deeply neurotic, which is both a comfort and a small point of envy.

If you've read to this point - which, by the way, is an oddity of cosmic proportions to me, maybe reblog and speak a bit about how you became a writer. But maybe be a little honest with yourself. If it comes from a deep well of pain, that's meaningful. If you just want to create a powerful story that people can lose themselves in, that's also meaningful.

You don't need to suffer to be a good artist. That's absolutely not something I believe to any extent. I'm just one of the ones that did, and that's something I'm going to have to work out over the course of the next rest of my life.

I don't know. I'm rambling. Maybe it can be your turn to talk now.

[museofthepyre]

do you know what everyones problem with elijah is? Im new to to fandom and im so genuinly confused as to why people seem to like think elijah is the worst (as in evil) character in the series. like i dont think people find him poorly written, they just, dont like him? which is fine yknow like who you like, but then people act like jedediah is a flawed but good character? which confused me a lot since I actually dislike jedediah more, as he just hurts in a more personal way it feels like. Elijah was sweeping Sydney in with promises of love that he hadnt gotten from jedediah, sydney only accepted that because of the way jedediah had been shunning him for years. It really bothers me that people forgive jedediah for his bad behavior, but then crucify elijah for behavior that while yes was very bad, had been hurting syndey way less for way shorter, and the only reason sydney was that vulnerable was because of jedidiah. Im asking because i am genuinly confused and I cant find anyone talking about the why of disliking elijah, i dont know if im missing something because of personal bias (jedidiahs mistakes that hurt sydney hit much closer to home than elijahs) sorry if this is a bit rambly, Im just very disenheartened to see so many people say they hate elijah when I just dont understand why, you dont need to answer this ask btw its mainly just curiousity

I think you kind of touched on the answer a bit already- imo it definitely comes down to what hits closer to home for any given listener. We all have unconscious biases. We all consume media through the lens of our own life experiences, and… ok ramble incoming

Elijah and Jedidiah both think/ behave in ways that are profoundly human, they represent very real concepts (see my whole Jedidiah= unhealthily distant, withdrawn and cold attachment style, and Elijah= unhealthily obsessive, suffocating and intense attachment style rant). These aren’t your typical innately evil villains, they’re just unhealthy people with warped ideas of love. That is an all too common thing to see irl. I think because of that… many of us can relate one or both of them to people we‘ve known in our own lives… alternatively, we can relate them to ourselves. I’ve heard some people say that Elijah’s actions hit a nerve because of past traumas with toxic relationships… aaand I’ve heard people say the exact same thing about Jedidiah! I think Elijah receives more scrutiny because his actions were… well they were actions. Visible, overt, right in front of you. You can point at them, pick a line from the transcript and say “that right there is bad”. Jedidiah’s wrongs often came in the form of neglect and abandonment, an absence of action, that’s so much harder to pinpoint. Maybe he’s slipping under people’s radars? Maybe more people see themselves in him and have a sense of understanding (which is valid, he embodies some very relatable neurodivergent struggles). Maybe it’s because he steps up and works on himself by the end and we don’t see that from Elijah (yet). Maybe people find Elijah “worse” because he reminds them of a more common negative experience, I’m not sure. One could speculate.

I’ll speak personally as an example of what I mean: I am wayyyyyyy more upset by Jedidiah’s actions. And that’s because of… you guessed it… my own personal experiences and how they influence my perception 🎉🎉🎉 I’ve got BPD, and I have an all consuming fear of abandonment. The idea of loving somebody and then having them suddenly withdraw, avoid you, and treat you coldly all the while providing NO EXPLAINATION WHATSOEVER… just leaving you to spiral and pick apart your own behaviours under a microscope, thinking you must be the problem— it’s a major trigger of mine. I’ve lived it!!! I grew up with it!!!!! It hits a huge sore spot for me and I admittedly struggle to overlook that sometimes when I see him.

Conversely, Elijah… I unfortunately connect with in a much deeper way. My own default attachment style is obsessive, intense, and often leaves me tunnel-visioned and unstable (…BPD), and he speaks a language I understand? If that makes sense. I see so much untreated, pre-awareness me in him. I know what it is to be involuntarily engulfed by an all-consuming obsession/ delusion. He doesn’t scare me, because I know what he’s made of- I see what’s beneath it all when I look in the mirror. Or at least that’s the lens through which I interpret him, I’m sure many disagree and yk what? Absolutely valid!!!!

There’s no one correct way to consume media, yada yada you get the idea, CHNT is unique because no character is intentionally malicious or evil (not counting Adam maybe… Lucille you’re on thin ice) and it’s fascinating how there’s such a dichotomy between the love and hate for these two. I may have swayed a bit off topic I just have many thoughts. I might come back with more later.

Ok rant over 🪱

[senlinyu]

Hi, I hope you’re well! I’ve followed you for quite a few years now, I’ve read many stories but just now found the courage to read Manacled (even tho I’ve spoiled myself because I’m a masochist). I just wanted to ask, how did it feel writing this story? Like mentally, emotionally how did you feel? It amazes me how someone could come up with and create something so amazing. Have a great day❤️

In retrospect, I think I was a lot more depressed at the time than I realised. (Everyone who has read Manacled side-eyes me egregiously.) And, also I was very much a baby writer and I didn't really have a good understanding or practice for separating myself from what I was writing. I am by disposition a bit of a method writer, in part because I was raised in theatre from the time I could talk, so I tend go very deep into the headspace of characters.

On the one hand, I was in a place at the time where I needed a source of catharsis, and writing functioned as that outlet, but I also think it made me spiral somewhat deeper due to my 370k treatise on human misery. And then, at first writing fanfic was all very chill and fun, but during the final third or so, when Manacled started getting popular and there were a lot of expectations, I got really anxious about disappointing my readers, so when I published the final chapter and my life suddenly went from this monumentally intricate project to nothing at all, it just felt sort of empty. I told my beta that it felt like a bomb had gone off in my brain. There were a couple weeks where I teetered on the verge of a sort of dissociative shock afterwards.

But at the same time this was an entirely private hobby. No one in my real life had any idea I was writing at all. So it was a very odd feeling like I'd hollowed myself out and bled for 370k words, but on the surface, in my actual day to day, there were no traces of it.

In summary: I was unwell.

[tiny-breadcrumbs]

Of Pencil and Paper

(Trigger warning: mention of Sexual Assault and self harm)

People often ask why I stay with analog medium? The world is moving, digital art is growing fast and it does perform better on industrial scale. But I can never find how to answer that question without it sounded like I'm selling a sad story. So a lot of people only get the "I don't like it" answer. Short and simple. Yet sometimes, I can see the prejudice in their eyes, how arrogant, they said.

It's unhealthy. I almost conviced myself that I simply didn't like it when the root was deeper than that. It's easier to tell the lie, to sounds like an arrogant old school artist who dislike digital art with passion. No, never that. I like the texture of paper and the smell of wet paint. Not in the artistic sense, at least not at first, I found peace in that because they once saved me from my darkest days. Thus, they are familiar.

I always love a story. Consuming one or writing it myself. Yeah, I used to write. Ten years old me have a dream to be a novelist. And it all shattered when I'm thirteen. I'm sexually assaulted by one of the teacher in my school. At school hour, in an empty classroom because everyone else in a middle of morning prayer and I'm the only kid at that time with different believe. And everything spiralling down from there. It was a prestigious school I study hard to get in, that jerk used to be everyone favorite teacher including me, now, I saw that place like a hell on earth.

I never get justice. Never. Me and family being silenced for the sake of keeping the school reputation, with just a word of apology and so called promise to never repeat. As if the SA trauma can be healed like that. But world is unfair and the society is in the hand of the rich. My family is in minority from every aspect, ethnic, religion stance, society, even economy. The school even has the audacity to blackmailing us, they said I'm alone in the classrom that day because I've been writing porn on my book. The book they already confiscated and read. The book where thirteen years old me write a silly treasure hunt story. I've never saw that book again.

You see, I have a lot of issue at that time. We don't even have money to pay for therapist. Nor we can get a free counseling for victim because the case was never disclosed. The school have connection with the local police and I can just bury that injustice deep in me. At one point it almost reach a self harm. I used to scrubbing my skin until it was red, but the phantom hands still there, and I very tempted to peel it out. My family hid all the sharp object, I think I scare them badly. But I found a single pencil. Unfortunately (or fortunately) not sharp. I run it across my skin, but they didn't tear. So I take it on paper.

At first, maybe I'm doing art as some kind of therapy. I pour all that anger and disgust on paper, for months it was all angry lines and colours. The texture as I scratch the pencil, the slash of black it made across the white paper, it strangely satisfying. A little bit sadistic perhaps, because I'm doing it with the face of a demon that appear every night in my dreams, that person face. But my family keep giving me more paper, they told me to keep going. By the time I'm calm enough, when I finally graduate, I start to turn that lines into a drawing. I love a story. And because words now terrify me, I finally learn how to draw.

With times, I learn to enjoy it for the fun and all the beauty in it.

The thing is, all that sensory experience became a habit. I need to feel the paper, I need to hold a wooden pencil, a wooden brush, I need to smell the paint, so I feel safe enough to concentrate and lose myself in arts. So I can loosen up a little bit and not being so hypervigilant. Maybe I'm afraid the screen and digital art can't provide me that sense of safety. That smooth glide on the screen gave me dissasociative feeling and freak me out. I try it before and nope out so fast my last bit of paint on the pallete was not even dry yet. I enjoy digital arts when I'm not the one doing it and good for all those illustrator that can make it to the industry. But I'm here first and foremost to keep myself sane.

I'm okay now. Fabulous. Fewer and fewer relapse over the years. By the time I'm fixing all my family financial problem and finally have enough to find a therapist, they said I already handle myself good. I'm carrying thirteen years old me crawling out from that dark pit with sheer spite and luck for finding the perfect outlet to regulate that negative emotion. Giving myself an art therapy without even realise it was one. I can talk freely about that now, maybe I finally find that peace with myself.

So, do you see how long this is? Thats why I take a two minute silence whenever someone ask me why I did not do digital art when I have a potential to make more money with it. How do you even explain this? And I don't think they will care. We Asian do not believe in mental health issue 😂😂 why so weak? So saying I simply doesn't like it looks like the fastest way to give answer and switch topic. Not a lie, but not the truth either.

But my therapist told me to write this out because they think it can help someone out there about the story of art therapy, and here it is. Next time when you are about to ask and pester someone about why they didn't switch into digital art, perhaps do it on a kinder tone. Maybe they have more story behind that, big or small.

If this resonate with you, here, let me give you a hug. You are a survivor and so damn strong, I'm super proud of you!

May the world be kinder to you today, tomorrow, and many years to come.

[aroace-poly-show]

I couldn't stop thinking since your post about wxs parents, or more specifically the tenma parents, bc they actually interest me a lot

Because like, the tenma mom DOES actually come up sometimes in saki and tsukasa's side stories and an area conversation. And not just the fact she taught them to play piano, i mean more familial situations. She even appears by herself and it's usually when they're at the house and she seems really sweet and caring actually

And also whenever Tsukasa brings her up (which he seems to do more often than Saki? Or at least from the stories I've read, i might be wrong) he speaks of her in a way that seems quite fond and might imply that she is around at the house at least usually

In contrast, though, the tenma dad almost NEVER comes up. Like the only time I remember him being mentioned (that is NOT about tsukasa bringing up That Show they watched as kids or the family visiting saki at the hospital bc that's obvious they're there) was once in the hinamatsuri event about how he bought the doll stand and some helmet when they were little? smth about how he impulse buys things

And that was it. He didnt even appear

He's never actually appeared by himself at the house or any side story to my knowledge (do correct me if I'm wrong) and he doesn't SEEM to be around the house on a daily basis at all

Even in the past when tsukasa stayed at home alone it was tenmama he got calls from, at least the one they showed us

Tenpapa's job is also never mentioned unlike tenmama's. And like tenmas are implied to be at least somehow recognisable or respected of a family, or at the very least by people like the Aoyagis since they are always stated to hold them in such regard, but is it just about tenmama playing the piano? Or maybe there's smth more about the dad that we don't know?

He's just. Such an enigma. We barely have any crumbs. Even in that image of baby tenmas seeing a show for the first time from the beginning of wxs main story shows a little bit of tenmama, like we can see her hair and all, but we can only see tenpapa's hand

It's just... where is he?? At work? What does he do?? Why don't they talk about him that much??? Why won't they show him in side stories??? Am I reading too much into it???

He makes me so mad pls Sega tell me more about the tenma family im insane about them

ANYWAY sorry for writing almost an entire post in your asks it was supposed to be shorter but I accidentally spiralled deeper

Anyway tsukasa and saki definitely love their parents and at the very least the mom seems like a rly caring and overall present person in their lives. They never say anything bad about the dad either if they ever do. They seem like good parents overall. The whole tsks neglect thing, yes, of course it wasn't a good decision to leave him alone at home, but it doesn't make them bad. Tsukasa never even mentioned anything that could imply he holds it against them and ik he is stupidly forgiving sometimes and sometimes forgets about himself but still. You get me. Besides we don't really know the extent of it all so shsuhd

We just need more tenma lore dammit

do not apologize for long asks they make me very happy to read :3

i didn’t know all that abt tenmamom though!!! i practically never read side stories so. yeah no wonder i missed her fjbsjdbajdn

sega please give us more tenmadad content. or any at all really…..

and yeah!!! i can understand wanting angst but the tenmas are genuinely a happy family and they make me happy :3 i don’t think of his parents as bad even with tsukasa’s childhood bc like, it wasn’t something they wanted to do yk. doesn’t mean what happened with tsukasa wasn’t Bad ofc. either way i love the tenmas. sega can we get more tenma lore. please

[lurkingshan]

I've been following your discussions on ephemerality vs permanence, control & voyeurism, and on that theme I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on Boston having that video of Mew and Ray. It seems odd that he'd hold on to it for two years, without their knowledge, only to use it in a power play that isn't even fully about Mew. What do you think is happening there? I feel like it has to play into the power dynamics in his relationship with Mew, the way they hold each other in apparent contempt but stick together, as well as Boston's voyeurism and how he'd delight in holding some sort of compromising secret against Mew without his knowledge, but I haven't got any fully realised thoughts about it yet, so I'd love to hear your perspective.

Hi anon, thank you for asking! I have mentioned before that it feels like we're still missing a lot of information about this friend group and their history together, so there may be some information coming to give context to this particular incident and why Boston felt the need to record it. But my current suspicion is that his decision to record and keep this was not initially that deep or sinister.

Boston is a photographer; his instinct is to document what he sees. In the very first episode, he was walking around with a camera taking pictures of the surroundings. In the second episode, after he asked Nick to pose for some photographs, we saw how serious he is about this when it was revealed that he has his own private dark room. Most student photographers would use a dark room at school (think Ink in Bad Buddy), but Boston has built his residence around his photography, indicating this is much more than a casual hobby for him. He tells Nick that he likes to have mementos of certain people and moments in his life, and he hangs on to the photo strip from his first hookup with Top (I don't think it's a coincidence that his first time with Top has a connection to his love for photography; that's a signal that this was meaningful to him).

In accordance with this interest of his, Boston is a natural voyeur and keen observer of other people. He notices everything that is happening with his friends, and he is always documenting it, even if just in his own mind. He knows about Ray's feelings for Mew; he also knows Mew does not feel the same. He knows Mew has a chip on his shoulder about his virginity. He knows Top needs to feel like an alpha. He knows Nick can be appeased with some vague weasel words and a small bit of affection. And he uses all of this information to his advantage when the need and opportunity presents itself. He seems to have little to no qualms about doing so; Boston ruthlessly pursues what he wants and he doesn't really have any sense of loyalty.

On top of that, I tend to agree with you that Boston has some kind of longstanding issue with Mew. The way he digs at Mew about his virginity is hard to miss. It might just be that Mew's self-righteousness about sex grates on him on principle, and he wants to knock him down a peg. Or it could go deeper. I have been reading it as something of an inferiority complex, given that we know Mew is also a top student. Perhaps sex is the only arena in which Boston feels superior to Mew, and so he wants him on his playing field so that he can beat him at something. When he first hooked Mew up with Top, he clearly expected Top to sleep with him once and then move on, like he did with Boston; the fact that Mew actually got Top to pursue him seriously threw Boston off and pushed him into a bit of an obsessive spiral over Top.

So, back to your question: why did he record Ray and Mew doing whatever it is they did a couple years ago? At that time, it was probably simply because he saw it, and his instinct is always to observe and document. Boston is someone who likes knowing things and keeping a record, and he always has a camera ready. I'm not sure there needs to be any deeper reason than that. I doubt he recorded it with the conscious thought that one day he would use it to humiliate or expose them, though depending on how early this issue with him and Mew and sex popped up, he may already have been thinking that Mew is a hypocrite and here was his proof. But even if that wasn't the case then, when he saw an opportunity to use Ray's feelings for Mew to his advantage in his play for Top, he pulled this up from the archives and recognized it was the perfect ammunition. And as I mentioned above, he has no qualms about using it to his advantage.

Tagging in @chickenstrangers who I know also had a lot of thoughts about Boston's photography, and @ranchthoughts @waitmyturtles in case you have anything to add on the voyeurism thread.

[thisdreamplace]

hi is anon who writes too much haha! Hru💗

I want to share some experiences I’ve been having and a question

just really letting go and being.

life is really Beautiful when you just be

one extreme subconscious belief i guess I had was “everytime when good things happen. Bad things always do” I used to really spiral over this. I was so afraid. But then I asked myself “ can I let go of this and know all is okay? that god is on my side, that everything will be ok”. I was crying one night fearing “what if everything is terrible and will never be ok “ I allowed it but the something just came into awareness “what if I can trust god. what if I can trust and let go” and I did, I still felt like a crying mess and so very saddened. but I had a sense of trust , my heart was filled with love.

(I’ll speak in 3rd person but ) anon also had a huge fear or want. to being mysterious like… not telling anyone how they felt lalala or even feeling embarrassed about telling how they felt about something like they where right or wrong or how they inferior if they where nice lala. When I realized that was also conditioned, not my burden to bear I cried in relief, knowing just this was never something I needed to let go off. I’m ok haha

I feel like also one thing is we conditioned our self to others behaviors and what we determine as us (the false self) like example I realized my specific negative thoughts where a pattern. I asked myself “ do I really think this way? or am I conditioned too?” “Is this really me?”, my fears and thoughts and wants and needs are all just what I’ve always thought I needed to have, haha living a life without any of those is sure scary but… not a bad! More like a new unknown understanding! Like knowing there’s no meaning behind it , like the thought itself being a conditioned thing, idk it feels just nice , I can leave it be , beacuse it doesn’t mean anything.

The key is no longer allowing it to have meaning for you. - thisdreamplace

now I live my days having fun :) or even just being or enjoying all knowing I’m not bound to anything. it’s nice even when the hard times happen , still need to work on that tho 🐭

my question is.

when circumstances or even a overwhelming situation , or even badly reacting to something and you regret it. How do you deal with it, I always surrender to god and know everything will be ok. But I’m wondering if you have advice haha, like what are some things you do to regulate and help in times like this. sometimes moving on (letting go ) of everything feels a bit terrifying , even how do you stop seeing things as a bad moment? sometimes the heart feels so full and the head feels so firey

hope to talk soon again I miss your posts dream 🌌thank you for everything once again

-anon who talks too much 🍩

hewwo <3 i hope youre doing well!! sorry its taken me some time to finally write back !!

i love all of this ! feeling everything out, while simultaneously allowing yourself to feel that possibilities can be different. i love reading messages from yall, because they always spark deeper understandings in myself as well. it's a really beautiful cycle between us

hmm i think to answer your question, i usually don't try to make something seem other than how i feel it is. instead i accept it all in that moment, or at least try to anyway. it's not always easy of course. but through acceptance you have a lot less resistance toward an issue, and like that it can easily be transformed. so its not always about making ourselves drop it, sure its nice if we can. but if not, its okay to be there in that moment too. allowing it to be what it is, and moving on when the emotions arent as heavy.

anyway <3 thanks so much for reaching out again !! :') and awwwe thank you. i havent had much inspo lately, life has been really busy but ofc, whenever inspiration strikes, you'll see another post by me !!

[liamxxslater]

Name: Liam Slater Faceclaim: Cody Christian Age: 27 Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Species: Werewolf Occupation: Personal Trainer Relationship Status: Single Personality Traits: Stubborn, Distrustful, Aggressive, Caring, Loyal, Athletic, Impulsive

**please be aware of triggers listed below**

BIOGRAPHY

TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD ABUSE, SA INFERRED, DRUG ABUSE, ANGER, MURDER, SELF LOATHING

From a very early age–ten to be exact–Liam Slater learned that he couldn’t trust anyone, not even those that had the obligation to keep him safe. Having lived in a small town for the first four years of his life, he was thrilled when his mother announced that they would be moving to Port Leiry. The family of two had already been through a lot in the passed years. Liam had lost his father when he was two and his mother became pregnant soon after and then gave his little sister up for adoption. A new move was exactly what they needed.

Liam was his happiest between the ages of four and ten. It was his mom and him against the world and he truly thought that nothing could come between them. That it would be the two of them forever. But then, soon after Liam's tenth birthday, his mother decided that another move to a neighboring town was needed. This time, it wouldn't be just the two of them, but her boyfriend would be with them.

It took about six months before the boyfriends' liking for Liam took more of a deeper turn. One that, as a child, he didn't understand, nor did he know how to stop. There were times when Liam begged his mother to not leave him alone with her boyfriend, but because she had to pay the bills, she had no choice but to leave him home with someone she thought she could trust.

For a few years the abuse went on, and Liam said nothing because the man told him that if he did his mother would pay the price. Wanting to protect her, Liam tried his best to keep quiet. But then, the abuse escalated and he couldn't handle it anymore. He finally told his mother everything, believing that she would do something about it. That she would help him. But she thought he made it all up.

At the age of thirteen, Liam spiraled. He found anything and everything he could to make himself numb to the world. Anything that might help him cope with the nightmares he experienced while awake, and asleep.

By the time he entered high school, he was deeply entrenched in all the wrong things. However, the football coach saw the potential that the young man had and asked him to try out for the team. He made the cut and it was there where he began to get his life back on track. Football–and really most sports–kept him from going back to the life of drugs. He knew he had to stay clean in order to be on the different teams. Keeping himself clean was no easy task but somehow he managed. Then when he turned sixteen his life once again changed. Liam was bit by what he thought was a dog while walking home from football practice. Suddenly, he felt as though he could no longer control his emotions. Over the course of the month, physical exercise didn't seem to help the anger he felt. The nightmares came back and several times, he exploded into arguments with his mother and now step father.

It wasn't until the next full moon that he realized what had actually happened. And while it was incredibly painful, Liam welcomed it, as it was much better than the anguish he felt in his mind for the last six years. What happened next, however, wasn't something he had planned. In his wolf form, Liam stalked through the house until he found his mother and step father. With his anger at a peak, he slaughtered both of them in their sleep before fleeing.

Liam's been on his own since. He made the move back to Port Leiry, trying to find some semblance of comfort. He left behind football scholarships and any potential for a normal life. And while he doesn't regret killing his step father, he hates that he let his wolf kill his mother too. He hates who he is. Hates who he's become. Hates what his life turned out to be. Liam wishes nothing more than to go back in time to when he was happy but he’s aware that those days are long over.

HEADCANONS

Even though he is a show off, and cocky, Liam has never been in a relationship. He's avoided them all of his life, as he does not like being touched. He is also aware of the expectations of a relationship and knows that he could never (at least not without therapy) meet those expectations.

He is much more comfortable around women than he is around men. Liam tends to keep his distance from all adult men, whether he thinks they are suspicious or not.

Liam desperately misses playing football. He doesn't hate being a wolf, but he does hate that being bitten and the consequences of that have led him away from the life he wanted to live.

Underneath all of the aggression and hatred, Liam is a genuine and kind guy. He cares about people and if he is close to someone, he will protect them with all of his being.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

LEAN ON ME ; This person is someone who found Liam at the age of seventeen and desperately wanted to help him. They know he doesn’t trust people quickly but they are a constant in his life and try their best to be there for him whether he thinks he needs them or not.

INTO THE FOLD ; This person has seen Liam before, has had a couple of conversations, and wants to try to get him to join their pack. (Could be tied into the first connection)

UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP ; This person is the only one that’s been able to cause Liam’s wall to crack. They mean everything to him and even in his low days, he’d do anything to keep their friendship.

FISTS AND FURY ; The hatred Liam feels towards this individual is almost as much as he hated his step father. He’s fought them physically on numerous occasions and uses them to try to satiate his anger, even if it barely takes an inch off.

[oraclekleo]

First of all Lemme mention it real quick I've already participated in the game, so I'd not be disappointed at all of you choose to not answer the question and prioritise others before me. This question is literally kind of making me feel dumb and excited too lol idk suddenly I'm being drawn to ask this question and dk why even tho my focus rn isn't even my love life, and i think ik enough about what I need to know but still this question is not leaving my mind. Okay sorry for my rant but still.

My big 3-Capricorn (sun), Virgo (moon), and Taurus (rising)

My question-"is there any message/advice my fs want to tell me right now!?"

My nickname-Jasmine :))

cards i choose-The Slavic Legends Tarot, The witch Oracle.

My mood board-

also a slight note; take care>33 sending in lots of love and good energy. I'm extremely greatful to have this opportunity and if you choose to answer any one of my asks I'm definitely really greatful for it too. As I've mentioned pls prioritise yourself first and rest well. Your readings are amazing tho and the cards don't even get me started on that they are just so pretty...😭

*feeling really selfish and annoying* I'll try not to participate in more games, as i think I've already had enough. 🧍🏻‍♀️

Thankyou so much!!!!! 🧿✨

Hello Jasmine!

I’m always happy to do a reading for you and it doesn’t really matter how many times you participate in the game. You can do so every other week, if that’s what you feel drawn to. 😀

Trust me! If I wanted to limit the participation, I would do it. I’m not really the type who wouldn’t be sure how to apply rules. 😂

I usually don’t really do Future Spouse readings because I don’t like the whole concept of fixing on some unknown person which you will meet in the future and who will miraculously sort your life out. I firmly believe we should enjoy the time we have here and now and that our happiness should be in our own hands and the power over it shouldn’t be just given to someone who can then withdraw it from us on a whim. But let’s try this because you said you are not fixing on the love life so I guess it can’t really throw you into a spiral of waiting for the Mr. or Mrs. Right. 😀

As usual with me, I attach the pics of the cards I pulled, in case they hold any special meaning for you.

Let’s have a look at your cards!

Cards: IX The Hermit, 2 of Cups, 5 of Coins, 6 of Cups (The Slavic Legends Tarot), 43. Tranquillity - Violet, 2. Communication - Pea (Green Witch Oracle)

Not gonna lie to you - It’s not exactly ace to get the Hermit card for any love related question. 😂 But then you also have the 2 of Cups… So let’s dive deeper into this! 

Both the Oracle cards are connected with Venus and the sign of Pisces. And they both speak of deeper understanding and love. You might experience a gentle shift towards topics regarding love and relationships. They might not have been your priority in the past, maybe you simply didn’t feel ready for such pressure to be part of your life because relationships, especially the romantic ones can be very complex and difficult to navigate through. Recently, you might feel like your life has reached the kind of phase where you can start exploring this aspect as well. You might want to start on a more theoretical ground as the Hermit suggests. You might get interested in romantic literature, poetry, in romance focused tarot readings even. At this point you might really appreciate the purer and more vanilla type of love more, reading about mutual understanding and spiritual connection, rather than lust and desire. You might want to resist this wind of change for a little bit but it’s really not necessary. While you don’t need to solely focus on the topic, there’s really no harm in getting interested, in feeling more attuned with the romantic part of your soul. You can feel free to just browse and observe all the various kinds of romance that can become a part of your life. You might want to romanticise your everyday life, too. It can be anything from more romantic vibe decorations like champagne glass you can use for soda or water, to actually including date nights into your schedule. Those can be with your friends, family, or even with just yourself where you simply set the nice atmosphere with dinner and candles and then read a good book or watch a favourite movie. Or you might actually start dating a person. 😀 I sometimes tend to skip this option but it is perfectly normal and alright to actually date other people. 😂 Only make sure you are both communicating honestly and openly with each other. Don’t try to make them guess your thoughts. It always only leads to confusion and going back to the Hermit’s cave. 😜

Thank you so much for requesting the reading!

I'm always grateful for any feedback.

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[sweetmage]

⚠️Trigger Warning: Vaguely Implied/Referenced Past SA (undescribed)

▫️Tags: Trauma, Angst, Strained Friendships, Arguments

▫️Characters: Ser Roderick Gilmore, Edan Cousland, Arl Rendon Howe (referenced)

▫️Word Count: 914

▫️Summary: Sinking deeper into the all-consuming spiral of vengeance, Edan Cousland desired nothing more than to see Howe pay for the pain he and his men inflicted on the people of castle Cousland, including his dearest friend Roderick. However, in his quest to keep the flames of his rage alive, sometimes the very person he hoped to help and avenge becomes collateral.

⭐Read On AO3! (Or under the cut!)

"You know, you make that face a lot," Edan remarked as he approached Roderick near the campfire, his eyes tracing the hard set lines between his furrowed brow, the sharp, downward slope of his thin-pressed lips.

Roderick snapped to attention as though suddenly awoken from a trance. "And what face would that be?"

"Like you've just tasted sour meat or something," Edan responded, plopping down beside him on the strewn-out blanket, stretching his legs and leaning back on his hands. "I take it something's on your mind?"

He shrugged. "You could say that."

"And would you say?" Edan asked, gazing at him while he stared vacantly off into the distance. "Care to discuss?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Hm, well alright then... In that case, I think I have an inkling. Rest assured my friend, your suffering will not go unavenged. When the time is right, we will face that slimy bastard together and—"

Sighing forcefully, Roderick waved off his valiant speech. "Right, right... Howe, I get it. In due time, my Lord, in due time."

Edan fell silent, watching him for a moment in the firelight. He looked positively miserable, dark circles under those hollow, rheumy eyes of his, all pale skin and sunken cheeks.

"Everything alright, my Lord?" Roderick spoke after an uncomfortably long silence. "You look like you want to ask me something."

"Oh, how observant! As a matter of fact, there was something I was wondering about..."

Roderick didn't turn, but his eyes drifted in Edan's direction, urging him to continue.

"I heard you didn't sleep soundly last night. That is, I heard it. You sounded very distressed, I almost thought to tear my way into your tent to check on you but I feared frightening you more.” He scratched at the back of his head, gathering himself for a moment before he dared to continue.  “It was hard to make out all of it, but you spoke of a few things… some things you haven’t yet told me." Edan leaned forward slightly, his expression grim. "Would you care to tell me any further details? Might that help ease your troubles?"

Roderick shook himself free of another memory, face contorted into something unreadable. "I've spoken as much of my ordeal as I am able to."

"And yet there's still so much I don't know," Edan continued, voice softening ever-so-slightly. "I cannot imagine what could be worse than what you've already imparted upon me."

"For your own sake, I'd recommend you don't try. There are cruelties in this world no man should know, even in their imagination. You should be thankful for that, my Lord."

He waved away the sentiment with a flick of his hand. "I don't need to be spared. You lived it and you're still standing, I think I could handle a simple recounting of the events."

Roderick's posture stiffened as if pulled taut by a string while his expression fell sullen. He turned away from Edan completely, glaring into the surrounding darkness, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Through gritted teeth, he replied, "I don't see what you could possibly gain from knowing the ins and outs of how they humiliated and defiled me. Must I recount every detail of my torment?"

"Defiled?" He asked, unnerved by his choice of words and what they unfortunately confirmed. "So what I overheard while you were dreaming... Rory, I'm so sorry..."

"Are you really?" he bit back. "This was what you wanted to hear, was it not? Has that information satisfied you?"

"No!" Edan was so tremendously appalled that he could hardly get the word out. "How could I ever be satisfied knowing my dearest friend has faced something so dreadful, so inhumane... I'm sickened if anything." And enraged beyond that. Another tally against Howe, another reason he wished to see him shredded to ribbons, knowing even an ounce of the pain he had inflicted on the poor people of castle Cousland, on his beloved family, on Rory...

"Huh, that’s funny," Roderick retorted, lips curled into a sneer. "For someone so disgusted you sure seek it out like a maid in the market seeks gossip. I think there are more pressing matters ahead of us like, oh I don't know, the darkspawn? Perhaps you should focus on that instead."

Wincing at Roderick's icy tone, Edan took a deep breath before continuing. "Alright then, perhaps I've pushed too far."

"Perhaps you have," he agreed curtly.

"And... I'm sorry," Edan spoke softly, though he quickly added, "But can you really blame me? The thought that you, you of all people , suffered such great horrors at the hands of that... that monster .... it boils my blood. The more I learn about what Howe and his wretched men did to you, the more I wish to see them suffer. To make those sick, sorry bastards pay for what they've done. And they will pay." He was lost in his own head now, bringing his fist down into his open palm as he swore to his ideals. Roderick went quiet again, staring off into the distant forest with a pained expression. "If you'll excuse me," he said, his voice just above a whisper. "I think I need to be alone for a while." Rising swiftly to his feet, he shambled off towards his tent without a single look back.

Edan could only watch as he left, confused and concerned at his abrupt departure, but more certain now than he'd ever been about what he must do.