#This also helps me with my digital art as I am still bad at it

[solivagant-muse]

Mini Sinclairs

[pepperpixel]

I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???

[lokorum]

Your art so surreal, did you take inspiration from African masks it’s amazing. You have probably gotten this question before but what’s your process and how do plan these beautiful pieces out. I am a beginner artist and would like some advice on how start doing digital painting.

thank you for bringing me back from the dead with your kindness, (i was so sad today ughhhh i think watching vampire diaries starting to affect me hjkhjk), i really, really deeply thankful that you spend your time to write something so sweet (also sorry it took me literally ages to reply phphp THE USUAL)

yeah, in buryatia shamanism like the big thing, so when i went to search what's out there in the masks department - google's mess of the results for once was helpful and showed this massive collection of beautiful african masks. the one that was inspo for tiisha lived in my head rent free for weeks before the character was even born phphph now i cant even imagine her without it 

(here is little tiisha for you before i'll proceed to be not helpfull phphphph)

oof advices are not my strong side , like..........my process mostly is just sleep through the whole thing i guess..........................i very rarely do sketches, i hate study anatomy and perspective, drawing cubes makes me physically sick etc etc my approach to drawing were "fuck around and find out", always about chill and fun and barely ever about learning. imho thats why im so shitty at drawing simple things but not bad at coloring. so yeah, my biggest advice always and forever will be - be gentle to yourself, please

digital or traditional or whatever else is out there, dont forget you make it for yourself and for yourself only okay? it supposed to be fun, not sad tiring and competitive 

advices for digital specifically tho - very objective, apply with caution

learn all the keyboard shortcuts, ideally to press them without thinking 

explore more instruments than just brush. it will be tedious and sometimes feel like a chore so mb pick one victim once a month and browse youtube for a stuff like SECRET ULTIMATE TIPS ABOUT MAGIC WAND TOOL THAT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE (they indeed will save your life) 

check if your drawing program has artboards - turning it on will give you more freedom over canvas positioning  and your refs will always be there and not in the separate window 

idk about others but using auto tone, auto contrast and auto color often gives me well needed perspective on what im doing 

in 99% cases be sure that you can reanimate even the most messiest artpiece you ever did. working in digital gives you the chance to mess with shapes, colors and perspective at any time so if you dont want to gave up on something - you absolutely didnt have to

from time to time while you are still learning - go out there in the wilds and search for the new brushes. tweak with them if you want. i have like ~500 and i use 6 max, but those 6 i found by at some point trying to draw with all of the 500

MADE. BACK UPS. and i mean not like save layers just in case before merging them (tho that's too will help) no, i mean click SAVE AS once an hour and create A NEW FILE. PLEASE. i lost so much stuff to sudden power outage. its never pretty and you loosing will to work for days

watch at least one tutorial about the whole rgb srgb and cmyk thing - i did, understood not a thing, but at least im not playing dora the explorer with my colors after the export now 

uh idk think thats it? tried to think about those that id hope i knew when i started so hopefully something will help 

have fun with your drawings!! 

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

// Why do you like Ragatha

(Unleash it. Type out the essay.)

// ... the essay warning tag really is going to apply here ^^

ragatha became my favorite character almost instantly the moment she appeared on screen . like i could remember even around the teaser for the show i was pretty fond of her , though i could chalk that up to me liking Any design that is remotely based off raggedy ann

she perfectly fits that oddly specific character type only I love , which is 'grown woman keeps failing no matter how hard she tries and it's marvelous to witness' , like i'm not sure how to explain it too well - she's not really a girlfail or a girlboss in my eyes ... she just . never wins ! and i love that , please keep fucking losing ragatha the amazing digital circus

to break it down , what's apparent in her approximately less than 7 minutes of screentime is that she's a goofy goober who's essentially the voice of reason . she's not emotional like gangle , unreliable like jax and zooble , or out of her mind like kinger . she was essentially the only one who tried to ease pomni into the circus instead of hard-hitting her with the reality as if that won't make her abstract on the spot . it's clear through her interactions with the other characters and how she talks to pomni that she acts like the Pillar of the group , with how compliant she is with caine's adventures and has a comforting presence .

the problem is ... that all of those 'positive' traits are ... Detrimental to her own wellbeing . like i'm sure a part of her positivity is genuine , but her optimism clearly hinges into toxic positivity and her selflessness is taken to the point of people-pleasing and neglecting her own needs . it's clear that she sees her own emotions as a burden that she doesn't want to put on other people .

and . she's dishonest . my girl is dishonest . she often brushes off things as not being as bad as they actually are , she picks her words to cause less conflict as possible , and it doesn't seem like anyone else is aware of her internal turmoil ... even when she's in Literal Pain she still brushes it off as being okay - and she stayed quiet instead of telling pomni that she's upset .

which is ... hilarious . there's just something about nice characters that tell the most lies to me . bonus points if it seems like they're the one who tells the most truths out of the entire group . everything about ragatha is Dishonest .

and it's funny yet again that these Really don't help her at all ! i think it's clear just from promotional material to the pilot that ragatha is meant to be a punching bag . her teaser shows a cleaver Being Thrown At Her , was tripped by jax and Literally Most Of Her Screentime In the Pilot Is Being In Pain , and that's not counting gooseworx's doodles . my girl's fucking Losing .

and it fits her avatar well since she's a Rag Doll ... she's basically never meant to win from the start . she was never the main character .

it interests me so much on how all of these will be taken in the full series since they're all very interesting setups , especially for the setting that the story is set in . i just need to see more of my girl and i wish that a lot of her content isn't limited to ship art . you guys do not understand how desperate i am to see content of ragatha interacting with either caine or zooble . i am Not normal about them .

also i want to kiss her on the mouth //

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Oops-

I accidentally became moots with a lot of cool undertale/UTMV artists-

*inhale*

@nobodys-reblogs Like, you were my first idol on here that I befriended 🥺 AND NOT BECAUSE YOU WERE MY IDOL- you legit just seemed cool, and I am very VERY grateful each time I see '#friend tag' with you!! I also love your style, it gives a sense of comfort because of the shades you normally use!! (<- psstt I also like your doors content!)

@inka-boi I love the way you draw chubby and plus sized people, literally helped with my own drawings of different body types! You're also super nice. And well, my mum—I love the purple yarn family, I live for the purple yarn ship, you're super sweet!

@zombiestar1934 Uhm, yeah—Yoink. Your art is very yoinkable, VERY HUGGABLE!! Looks like it was drawn in a library, where you had the peace of only hearing your drawing tablet make 'lil clicks! I love the hearts you add to blush, and the smiles you give them! Yet you're just as capable of making angst, and I love Angst :3

@absurdumsid I want to hug all, and I mean ALL your drawings. ESPECIALLY horrorpills, I love the clean look they all have, I love looking at your art, and I just- aghghgh your so cool!!

@italic-doing-random-shit man you're just very awesome, idk how the hell I manged being moots w/ you but I'm vibing with it, your art is like, yum. It gives me, hm... Oh! Okay it gives me animatic vibes, like you'd be a good animator! /pos!

@inkcat1987 AWE. JUST AWE—I love how sweet your style is, and I'm especially liking the middle school AU!! Once again, soft as angel wings!

@axinfinity there's just- there's something so HOLDABLE about your art! I just wanna pick it up and protect it!

@ant1quarian ah yes, a fellow UTMV enjoyer who collects a very specific sans, that being Dust in your case! /vpos. Your style, it's like moss. It has a natural feel, it looks like it'd smell like rain, like feathers and it's so... like this song, The Moss is how I feel when I look at your pfp!

@dzasterdumpterfire Stars. Your art looks like stars, I'm fairly sure the lighting comes from the stars. I dunno it's just kinda mystifying to look at!

@endless-emptyness Your art >>>> Very pleasant to look at. I really enjoy the facial expressions you do!!

@solusminds your art feels like it was crafted in the cozy darkness, illuminated only by a single lantern, while winter blazes outside. It's so nice and warm feeling!

@kiyo-void A lovely painting! All your works feel like they were painted, painted and set in a cool breeze to dry, especially your digital art, and I am LIVING for it! Plussssss Runetale is super cool!

@denieatsart HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE that's how I feel looking at what you make!! I love the kinda like, layered look your art gives!!

@largefound can't say a bad thing about ya, you're cool, your art gives cool feelings, cool vibes everywhere!

Annd... it's late, I can't think of anyone else BUT IF I DO I will ADD YOU to the list!!

UPDATED:

@rushin-safire. Yeah, your art? Feels like it was drawn with a cat in your lap while you've just come home from the Cafe, still sipping on your coffee. :3

@nashdoesstuff for the LIFE OF ME I can't figure out how the hell to search your art, hpw am I screwing it up?? But anyways it probably tastes like gummy bears. /pos.

@nightmarish-qeuwusha Your art tastes like cotton candy! I think that your art was woven from candy floss and glittered with stardust! ^^

@analexthatexists Containment! I feel like your art gives off SCP vibes, I feel like I'm some sort of entity when I look at it, and that, is, awesome!

@determinedfanartist okay but like, your art is "I drew this specifically bc I love my friends" and I cannot be convinced otherwise. /pos

@mrfellsans Ah, cartoony. Specifically with that dapper charm to it! I'm talking bendy and the ink machine, I'm talking swing, I'm talking pleasant to look at as you have a modern spin on it!

@the-second-reason your art is that chill older kid, the one that helps ou their younger peers figure out stuff. They're the super relaxed big sibling, your art has a mellow style, gives chill big sibling vibes. :]

@dustsansm1 I mean this in the best way possible, your art feels friendly but has anxiety. And that's okay! Your art gives me like, it wants to be friends w/ someone but too shy to do so. It has a sorta 'I'm trying my best' style, when it's already really good!

@spookuzm cover artist! I feel like you'd do well drawing the characters that you put on the cover of stuff, your art vibes me those vibes! Like it's the peak inside a new world! ^^ Hey side note this changed to comfort artist

@mellybabbles Reflections, your art makes me reflect on myself. What was behind it? Every line you etch into it makes me think, ponder, as if it were drawn from a mirror.

@wickjump ICON. Your art is SUCH an icon, you're RADIATING icon vibes. The colours you use seem to naturally give off a hue to it, giving it that pop! It's beautiful and clean and iconic! ✨️

@hialeisanimation I mean this in the most light hearted way possible—It's just happy. Like your art is the definition of :3 and I am VIBING w/ it, very lovely to look at!

@joonebugg your art has PERSONALITY, like they don't take shit from anyone. Like looking at it, feels like they'd be the decals for a 1970s diner and they're like the characters, they work too hard to take orders from ungrateful customers. THAT'S what your style looks like to me.

@milkybnnuy so your style (especially when you draw Fell!NM) is so dark and radiates that dark energy and pretty pretty please I need more angst- /pos (edit: dear cod I got that angst)

@bluu3berry - you really utilize shades of colour really well, I think you've done a wonderful job with Bluu!! /Gen! I think your style really reminds me of an older cartoon with their softer colours, like Charlie brown! And, I love Charlie brown!

@hiro-doodlez - Your art uses ALL of your canvas to your advantage! Like rarely have I ever seen you draw something and leave a blank space, which also helps you create a ton of interesting shading! I like how you draw over colours w/ other colours, so your base colours helps the top layer—Does that make sense? ^^ like, your style is very out there! Very you, very recognizable!

@dustbvnnyy Y2K INVADER ZIM like it's awesome, your artstyle gives me y2k alt vibes!! I love the soft saturated (is that a thing? ^^') colours that go into your pieces!!

@murder-clown-around-town fun!! I saw your pinned post and from what you drew IT LOOKS SO FUN!! Like a balloon animal!! I like how the lines overlap and create a structure!! :D

@miracle-negative soft and heavenly! Your art, even using a darker pallet is soft and smooth!!

@yellow-computer-mouse it's quite relaxed! I like the shading you did on that smoking Dust picture! ^^

@eco-systeme royal! You have a very royal, a very fancy looking style to me!! Like, someone paid you a good amount to draw it! I hope you forever remain creative, love your art!

@wishtale-blogs spring vibes!! Absolutely beautiful spring, butterflies, meadows and more!! I LOVE MONARCH I've literally never seen orange and pastels work well like yours does!!!

@swiftmitsu YOOO MY FIRST FRIEND MADE ON DISCORD!!! I'd like to say I'm a huge fan of your artstyle! It's a good mix between adorable, but can be taken seriously if the tone demands it! This is a hard skill to acquire, because a lot of adorable art can be hard to feel the wanted emotions conveyed — But you found just the right balance! I always look forward to you posting! ^^

@cocopebblez Detailed and stylish! I look at your art and go WOAH, I look at your sona and they're STUNNING, I look at you and I see cameras flashing as paparazzi tries to get your photo as you strut down the red carpet. So fame worthy is how I perceive your art!! And fame in the future I see!

@underfaithangelz welcome to the wall! I see your art has a very lantern vibe! Using this as my reference! I love how you can use low lighting and still make everything perfectly visual! It gives it a warm glow! I think your style is like fire, with all the intricate brush marks like flames! Beautiful and gorgeous just as your voice!

Also, we may not be moots—But honourary mention to @somegrumpynerd you're my comfort artist, I go searching for Dadmare if I'm down and I find your art—I love how it just looks like the embodiment of Marshmallows. I love how you draw each and every scene you've made, the emotions you convey even if it's supposed to just be a silly post! Just ahhhhhh I love looking at what you make!!

Have a good day, night, evening, morning, or whatever time it is for you guys!

[muzzlespazm]

PLEASE HELP

EMERGENCY ART COMMISSIONS

hi guys

i really hate having to do this. i really hate having to beg for help. but i’m kinda at my wits end and there’s not much else i can currently do. i lost my job 4 (four) months ago due to medical issues (AKA they fired me because i was so chronically in pain that i could not consistently come to work in person and they refused to let me do work from home even though the job could absolutely be done entirely remotely). over the summer, i was busy trying to get the pain sorted, and though it still sometimes gets bad, by now it’s pretty much under control. i’m sending out job applications every day, attending interviews, etc., unfortunately the job market is really shit where i’m at right now and i haven’t been able to get a new job. i’m trying my fucking best but the money is running out, and i just paid the last phone bill i am able to afford. i do not have access to stable wifi, which i need to access the job applications as well as online interviews, so i have to pay horrid bills to do it with mobile data. i will not be able to afford these bills next month. i’m fortunate enough to have a place to stay for free, but i’m essentially too broke to commute anywhere, too broke for food purchases, and too broke to pay my bills. i need help. i don’t dare to ask for money in return for nothing, so i’m offering art commissions (they’re not super expensive at the base price, but it’s a “pay what you want” situation, - if you can and would like to give more than the base price, it would be IMMENSELY appreciated). i’ve linked my carrd to this post, you can find my commissions through my ko-fi, which is the first link in my carrd. there’s also an option to donate, just 5$, i cannot ask for more.

any and all help is appreciated, if you can’t afford to spend money on a luxury such as art, please reblog this post so it may reach those who can.

thank you.

https://muzzlespazm.carrd.co

[clegfly]

Woo, it’s about time I made one of these… *cracks knuckles*

MORE ABOUT ME!!!!

HIIII!!!! My name is clegfly, or just cleg!!!! I’m an artist/ writer / professional paint drying critic/j. I’m just a silly girl doing silly things, don’t mind me. I use she/her pronouns and I am aroace!!!

LIKES

BULLET POINTS BULLET POINTS BULLET POI

Pancakes. All day. All the time. Everywhere, anywhere. Pancakes

That goes for bacon too

JELLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!1!1!1!

Why are these all foods what else do I like uhhhh

Warm. And cosy bed. And fire. And all that stuff

OLD COMPUTER AESTHETIC!!!!!! N64!!! WINDOWS XP!!!! ALL THAT SHIT

Bugs in theory

PLANTS

MUSICAL THEATRE

Graphic novels

Video games… ough my beloveds

Books

Okay now this is too long

Oops

Sorry

JELLYFISH JELLYFISH JELLYFISH

The ocean full stop actually

In theory

CHINCHILLAS

Uh

Yapping

Analysis

DISLIKES

anything on my DNI >:((((

Bugs in practice

Sport

Exercise

I’m literally hero omori

Commitment

Stress

Internet drama

Anyone who gatekeeps like. Anything.

INTERESTS???

All day every day, baby.

MAINS

OMORI- main interest as apparent by one peek at my blog… The brainrot is immeasurable and everlasting. Send help. It’s been almost four years. I love this game, its characters, story, EVERYTHING so fucking much. I’m like a billion pounds in debt to it also. I will be homeless but at least I will have my big ass heromari collection.

PMMM/ Madoka Magica- my favourite show! Consisting purely of sparkles and sunshine!!!! Why are you crying??? I’m sure not!!!!

DDLC/ Doki Doki Literature Club- another favourite of mine!!! I see a well-written cast of characters I deeply relate to go through extreme horrific horror beyond any of their comprehensions and I’m SOLD!!!

Coraline- the horrors are all consuming, but at least it’s both a visual and extremely well-written treat!!!!

TADC/ the amazing digital circus- won’t lie, watched this show when the pilot dropped and LOVED it, but forgot about it after a while as it didn’t stick with me. Then episode three came out and I’m now reduced to a blubbering mess whose brain is now significantly comprised of two fictional chess pieces. What happened? I don’t know. Send even more help.

LITTLE GUYS THAT HURT MY BRAIN SOMETIMES

Petscop

Fnaf

BATIM/ bendy and the ink machine

BSD

Deltarune

Undertale

Hawaii: Part II

SUBJECT TO CHANGE BECAUSE IM PROBABLY FORGETTING LIKE 20 AND ALSO HAVE LIKE 20 STILL TO DISCOVER

HOBBIES?!2!2!

Ya!!!! :D

Art

The main thing I do on my silly little page!!

…in which the art is mostly unfinished doodles… but that’s okay!!!! We ball anyway

YOU CAN SEND THE CLEG REQUESTS!!!!! ALL DAY ANY DAY UNLESS I SAY OTHERWISE!!!! Do not expect premium quality though lmao. (And also nothing related to DNI. Shouldn’t have to say this but. Uh. Yeah)

You cannot yet commission the cleg :(

Writing

Currently on a writing hiatus and have been for a little while (5 MONRHS WHAT) but… i do!!!! That!!!! Aka I write fan fiction AGH

Mostly. Heromari stuff. Actually all heromari stuff. I think I have one fic that isn’t heromari and it’s one I co-authored I love them your honour…

Yeah

DNI

Bit of a bummer, but I gotta set my boundaries to keep the weirdos out!! That being said, do NOT interact with my blog whatsoever if you:

Are a shotacon, lolicon, proshipper, pedo, etc etc etc. (yucky. Yuck yuck yuck. Fuck off)

Are homophobic

Are transphobic

Are aphobic/ arophobic (why. Why are you even still here)

Queerphobic in general actually get OUT!!!!

Actively shit on any of my main interests. Like ACTIVELY go out of your way to tell me how bad it is (what. What is the point. Just go)

POST ANY NSFW FULL STOP!!!!!!! (I am EXTREMELY sex repulsed and have been especially lately, I will block you on SIGHT)

Are racists/ xenophobes

There is likely LOTS more I’m forgetting so I will update this later… also just saying I reserve the right to block ANYONE no matter if you fit into this criteria or not. If I don’t vibe with you I will politely block you and look the other way!!! No theatrics required

Anyway with all the negative stuff out of the way… I really hope you enjoy my blog!!! I’m just here to have fun honestly and express my ideas and passions and work on a little page of the internet so!!!! Hope you have fun too!!!! :D

[torque-witch]

OFFICALLY MOVING SALE 5/27/24

Long story short, our current landlord removed our yard, paved over it and built a new structure for himself while declaring that he will be raising the rent. He refuses to put it in writing that our property lines and size have changed. We had an opportunity to snag an apartment we can afford last second because we need to turn in paperwork that we will not resign the current lease by the 1st of June.

We need to raise $1400 by June 10th at most to be able to put down a security deposit - and we will still be paying for 2 more months of rent at our current place. I am doing doordash and art shows throughout all of this, but will probably be quitting my 10 hour part time toxic af job to do so.

I still have an influx of Hel Mary statues, small and large, that I will be willing to sell for a big discount to make this work. I do need inventory for June 8th show and August show in Buffalo, but we will make it work.

I also have vintage/religious inventory at my physical shop I can show off!

Not everything I have available or could make is listed online. This includes:

Hel Mary statues, crochet tarot bags or projects, digital art requests, vintage and demon cherub baby statues.

Payment preferred through my business Venmo @dhdivination or through Square invoicing to avoid Etsy fees on both ends. You can contact me here on Tumblr, through Etsy messenger or at deathshead.divination@gmail.com!

Etsy shop - Death's Head Divination

You guys always help me out in bad situations and I'm grateful for that!

[yandere-isopod]

Making a new pinned post and I still have no eye for design so it is still not formatted all sexy. :(

Boring shit about myself first:

I’m Haru, (they/them) I don’t have a set theme here I just throw my impulsive thoughts out to make them everyone’s problem. I am delusional and obsessive with friends and my spouse so I post obsessive and sometimes toxic rants a lot. If you’re uncomfortable with yandere content you will be uncomfortable with this page. Everything I post about people is completely consensual. Somehow I ended up around people who are very insecure so my “I’ll kill you if you ever leave me” is usually met with blushing and a heartfelt thanks. But that’s just to say that anyone I’m talking about is fully aware of my behavior and feelings and actively encourages me being feral for some reason.

I don’t really have solid rules on asks except don’t sexualize me. You can sexualize any OCs or game characters, you can even send platonic yandere asks, I just absolutely do not want to be sexualized. Compliment me like you would a really neat piece of furniture and you wouldn’t fuck the furniture… right?

I’m making a game

And I’ll put that in big fucking letters cause I’m very excited about it. It’s called Nozomi and anything about it is tagged under that. I would describe it as a farming survival rpg. But most of the people following it are here cause they saw “yandere love interests” and are starved for content.

Nozomi is a love letter to my darling who loves yanderes so every marriageable character has the potential to be yandere. (There are also a couple platonic yanderes as well and at least one who is aromantic.) You have the power to either help them get help, or encourage their deranged behavior and enjoy the consequences of your actions.

You start the game taking over as the deity of an island that is loosely based off the town my grandma grew up in Japan. The island and its inhabitants are in a pretty bad way when you start and where you go from there depends entirely on what you want to do with it. Not just with the islanders, but with each quest there’s several ways you can complete it and things change in the world based on what you decide to do.

Nozomi is built to be diverse. There are different body types, races, disabilities, sexualities and gender identities. I’m not making this game to make money, I’m making it because I wanna make my spouse’s perfect game and I feel like I have a fun idea that a lot of people will enjoy. If you are homophobic, racist, fatphobic or transphobic: I DO NOT WANT YOU TO BUY MY GAME. You aren’t welcome here. I don’t care if there’s only one person who ever buys the game, I’m very loud about those opinions and while I can’t outright ban someone from purchasing something on Steam I can certainly make it impossible to miss my feelings on the subject.

By the end of the year (ideally by fall but definitely by December) I’ll have a steam page which I will post here, and I’ll be having people bug test it. Most of game development is when everything is “finished” so even though I’m pretty far in, I don’t expect to actually release it for another year and maybe two. A lot of it now is just writing and art but I have a much bigger team now, so I’m hoping that goes pretty quickly.

Current artists who have worked on the project are:

NaniWasabi - https://www.fiverr.com/naniwasabi/design-assets-or-sprites-for-any-digital-need

IncognitoAnkh - https://www.fiverr.com/ankhasmodeus

Piyan Apriyanto - https://www.fiverr.com/piyanapriyanto

Maia - @lacrymoria

Robin - @nepeta

Current writers who have worked on the project are:

Almond - @miodaisgay

Drops - @sleepingbirch

Beelzebutt

Drama Lama of the Alpaca Lips

I will add links and artist names as they join the project or give me their links.

[raiiinbowsquid]

✦ somewhere in the Doodlesphere...

art by @/dreagine !

[🖌💫] - HI! I'm Ink!! Guardian of The Multiverse! Welcome to my very own blog!! Now! You may be wondering: "Ink!!! Why do you have your own blog? Aren't you suppose to be protecting the multiverse?" Well to that I answer with...because I want to interact with creators and encourage them to continue making art and aus!! And to also ramble about every little thought in my head! NOW! I think it's best if I put out some important info before continuing with my rambles so,,,let's do it!!

[🖌💫] - There's one thing I wanna get out of the way and I will say it now! I am not an Ink irl! I am apart of a system! I am not entirely sure if those are the same or different but it feels important to clarify! I am apart of a traumagenic(?) system called The Color Palette System, BUT DESPITE THAT! Please treat me like a normal person and like I'm Ink. (if that makes any sense...) OKAY! Now onto actual info! Going to basic info first!

✦ now ofc you know my name! I'm Ink, silly! But I would also like to be called Doodle and Star, or Doodlestar! Just on occasion!! ^^

✦ I use They/Them pronouns, as I am Nonbinary! But I still don't mind He/Him! I also go by neos such as Star/Doodle/Ink/Paint/Squid! Those are optional!

✦ Unlike my canon, I am Pansexual and Poly! And I am taken by a handsome glitch and a devilish octopus! Please respect that! <3

✦ I am french but also part japanese as well!

✦ And last but not the least, my age! I am technically 25 in headspace! ^^

[🖌💫] - I think that's all for basic info!!! Now it's time for interests and comforts!

interests!

✦ I am, ofc, very interested and hyperfixed on art! digital, traditional, painting, ancient, everything!

✦ I also take a heavy interest in japanese culture! Especially their cooking!

✦ speaking of! I like to cook every now and then! Everyone says I am great at cooking! But not baking, can't seem to wrap my head around it

✦ but most of all, I'm interested in talking to my friends and you guys!!

comforts!

✦ I find comfort in seeing art of myself! Not so much as a narcissistic thing, but because I love seeing drawings of it because it reminds me how much I mean to people!

✦ I also really like colorful aesthetics, especially if it involves some kind of tool used in art! Like paint or crayons!

✦ yknow it was coming, Broomie is a comfort object of mine!! So hugging him always makes me feel better!

✦ seeing images of Error and Nightmare help too! They're so pretty...<3 (but any sans can help!)

✦ and lastly! Plushies always help! Mainly Pokemon or Sonic ones! ^^

[🖌💫] - We're almost done!!! Now it's time for discomforts and my dni list!!

discomforts!

✦ I'm not comfortable with being compared to my Underverse self or hated because of my Underverse self. I know I'm not a Bad Guy entirely there but most people seem to think that and think of me as a bad guy in general, so I would appreciate it if you guys didn't compare Underverse Me to Me :(( (you CAN talk about it! Just don't compare.)

✦ Speaking of Underverse! I am not entirely okay with XGaster. I know people ship me with him and you can do that! And talk about it too me! Just know that I will be tilting my head like a dog in confusion! ^^;

✦ I'm not okay with people turning ships like Errorink or Inkmare, or any ship into something that's toxic, like "toxic errorink", it just makes me so uncomfortable.

dni list!

✦ proshippers/comshippers

✦ pro-endo/endo supporters/endo-systems

✦ dreammare, swadmare, marenight, nightdream shippers

✦ frans, papyrus x chara shippers

✦ paperfresh, shipkid x parent/sibling shippers

✦ error x blueberror shippers

✦ m@ps, m@p supporters, m@p defenders/apologists

✦ p@raphiles, p@raphile supporters, p@raphile defenders/apologists

✦ z0ophiles, z0ophile supporters, z0ophile defenders/apologists

✦ homophobes/anti-lgbtqa+

✦ ut au/utmv haters

✦ rouge supporters, rouge defenders/apologists

✦ anti agere

✦ anti petre

[🖌💫] - Annnnd that's about it!! But before I leave, here are some extra bits of info I couldn't fit in here!!

My birthday is April 15 (world national art day!), I am an Aries, I like playing the flute, I agere and petre sometimes (to 3-8 for agere and mostly to a cat for petre), I am 100% okay and supportive of self-shippers, I'm very sensitive, I need tonetags, I forget a lot (duh-), I tend to ramble for too long, I'm hypers3xual (please respect that), I often uses caps, I purr even when Out of petre and lastly I am okay with nsfw of me! As long as it isn't...too much, if you catch my drift! ^^

[🖌💫] - Welp! That's everything! May add more if I forgot anything but who knows! I hope you learned a lot from this and I can't wait to talk to you all soon!! See ya, pal!!! ^^

✦ <~ click here for your reward!! (safe!/srs)

(don't ask, I thought it looked neat!!!)

[wildcatfourteen]

how do you come up with such interesting composition? your pieces are always so captivating 💗

thank youuuuuuuuuu <33 and the truth is. idk. i am kinda just winging it and making a lot of adjustments as i go.... im not very orderly about it and have my thoughts kinda all over the place. heres some examples under the cut w what process pics i could find

direction process goes >>>

first did a pencil sketch for big shapes. was just placing stuff down. i wanted to make ref sheets for an art trade but didnt want to make a traditional type bc i hate drawing ppl standing full body (bc im bad at it 👍) also i did not have specific outfits in mind and was going more for a reference of the general vibe of the characters, so i just wanted a full body pose + face close up. to avoid having to show specific details. bc i was cheating. was originally going to have multiple text bubbles around for the character facts

did like two sketches digitally. messed around a LOT with placement. the little emote heads came out of me feeling like it was empty and boring on its own and they are fun to draw so why not include them. the multiple text bubbles seemed like a bad idea now so i took them out and just did one text wall.

i actually dont like the text wall now and think breaking it up wouldve been more fun visually but that would've required effort i didnt wanna put in LOL

^ i lost the pencil sketch for this one (i always do a pencil sketch) but it was actually just the two half body drawings at first with none of that shit at the bottom or the close ups until i was like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i gotta add smth around to make this look like theres stuff happening..... the idea was to draw the two main characters of the labb novel in some kinda comic format w panels around and i then. kept adding things until it seemed like i was getting somewhere. thats kind of my process for everything TT i think it helps to stay in a workshopping stage for longer if needed to get somewhere but i often get impatient LOL

im putting a stupid note abt this here bc im still annoyed at myself but in this novel, there was a bit about a crossword puzzle related to a murder case and i only thought of it afterwards that it would be kinda cool to put the sugar cubes in like a crossword puzzle formation....... why didnt i do that......

^ and heres some of the process for this one, but i lost a LOT of the steps for this. the beginning was totally different. the character wasnt as pathetic and scared looking at first but then i was like uhhhhh lets draw him that way :)

the first pencil draft was from a different perspective and it was gonna have a mirror composition to it kinda? but i wasn't able to make that look appealing so i deleted it. it still had the curtains tho but then i also included stuff with framed mirrors + other frames around

i decided to instead make the curtains be the focus of the whole piece to not make it so cluttered. character's pose was so different at first it was so bad i dont even wanna remember it. i took out the frames entirely bc i didnt think they added much to the piece in terms of the atmosphere. since like. the more i worked on it w the character's + the goat's expressions the more it gave a 'being hunted' feeling to it and portrait frames dont fit that vibe. which feels funny bc u look at it and thats all u can think abt but i wasnt even gunning for that when starting out. BE FLEXIBLE. TRUST THE PROCESS.

[cerealmonster15]

not 2 be dramatic but also it is my blog where i can ramble about what im feeling whenever i WANT!!! anyway i like. feel like something is fundamentally missing from my entire being or w/e lol. like. i mean there's a very high chance i have adhd which does explain a looooooooot of The Way That I Am and my struggle at doing and focusing on stuff and things and my rapid rotating around short interests in things. but like i also feel like [and maybe this is part of adhd idfk, i havent been Officially Diagnosed just a lot of therapists and friends with adhd all tell me i probs do lol] i just dont feel motivated to do things. and ive been this way i think a lot of my life. i realized a looooong time ago that i was not so motivated by passion but by fear!!!!! fear of failure or whatever!!!

fuckin adding a readmore bc i ended up talking forever lmao

like in school. i got good grades but i never really felt smart exactly. i was able to work really hard and spend a lot of time doing homework and whatever because i feared the consequence of failure. i didnt wanna get bad grades [not even from like a threat from home or anything, i just was afraid of the system lol like i didnt wanna fail and then snowball into ruining everything for my future or w/e. like i've always been kinda 0 to 100 in things like that lolol]

but like i remember going into college like "well i am interested in physics and compsci so i guess ill declare double major til i decide which one id rather do" but i didnt really have a clear goal. physics i dropped first because as much as i like the concept, the classes were still hard and i didnt have any idea of what i'd do with it if i did pursue it. comp sci i at least was like "well i like video games i could do something with that probably" but then i nearly flunked and dropped the class lol. my fault for skipping an intro class bc i was like "Well i learned a lot of the basics in high school" bitch u did not retain any of those basics. anyway i ended up swapping to digital arts under that same "well i like shows and games maybe i can do something with that" and that did ultimately lead me to grad school for game dev and learning what tech art is and all that. and i was employed as one for a lil while!

but then i got let go. and in the midst of a really Hard Time to be unemployd for gamedev bc of the mass layoffs ALSO happening over and over and over and over, so despite the fact that i have some industry experience, i have a significantly harder time even getting interviewed. but a lot of it is my portfolio - unfortunately the nature of the jobs i had didnt really net me much in the way of tangible portfolio work, and a quality / updated portfolio really is what matters in this field

and thats where i hit my problem. i really am not self motivated or like, creative. i dont really have ideas. a lot of my portfolio was school assignments <- stuff i had to do. stuff people told me to do. even now, i sometimes do vfx to help my partner with his solo game hes been making for years, and thats my main portfolio addition source because i need someone to tell me what they want. and then i also struggle to see the vision of that sometimes like ive been SO STUCK on a specific effect im making for the game bc im not understanding the vision and also im not really around other tech artists or vfx artists much anymore. not like in grad school lol. even at my prev job i was the main vfx person so i was kind of on my own floundering around to figure stuff out- and a lot of times i couldnt. there was no senior to guide me if i got stuck.

so when i'm just alone in a vacuum with nothing forcing me to do things i just dont. i LIKE vfx and shaders and even python, but if i dont have a thing where i have to follow specific tasks i just cant think of anything interesting or unique to do myself. even a lot of the python ive learned recently was from a udemy course, which helped a lot bc it was structured with little assignments, explanations i understood in small bursts, and specific projects with specific goals. one of those i did kinda expand on based on what i learned to make a portfolio thing, sort of. it's out of place on my artstation bc it's not really gamedev related at all but its python and it's SOMETHING. python is a tech art skill at least. i can replace it sometime if i have more relevant things but i just dont right now. i dont know what to make. i have no tool ideas, or even if i have a vague idea i just go "i dont really know how id do that" and dont feel motivated enough to figure things out or to make that vague idea even somewhat interesting. vfx i just go "i dont know how to make this look more interesting" and get stuck at unimpressive points if anything. i dont have the designer or passion part of the brain that i kinda need to survive this and it scares me. i like the structure and stability of being employed because someone tells me what they need. i dont know what i'm supposed to do on my own but im supposed to figure it out otherwise my portfolio stays stagnant forever!!!

so many times people will like. have a side project. they learn from those projects. they have a vision they want to see completed and they pick up skills for that thing. my partner is a big example with his game hes making - he could already program but hes learned a lot of the art needed to make it work, because he wanted to see the game made. people have like their comics or animations or games or whatever they do, hobbies, anything that they feel passionate about and i feel like i just lack that passion. scared that i like the idea of doing things more than doing them even if i do enjoy doing the things when i do them, but not enough to like, get myself motivated to lol. if that even makes sense.

like idk. i at least have martial arts - i did aikido in college and i do capoeira now- but it's stuff i can only do bc i have a regular group i pay and go participate in with other people. once i dont have those group settings i dont do it on my own.

ive tried to get myself to learn musical instruments so many times but once i stopped taking lessons for sax or piano bc i got busy with school, i mostly just dropped them. i cant motivate myself enough to practice on my own even tho i did learn enough fundamentals that i probably COULD if i just. cared enough i guess. i always had in the back of my mind that it would be cool, IN THEORY, to draw comics or make a dating sim/visual novel of any flavor, a virtual pet, a farm sim, whatever. but i dont actually have the vision for it. i dont have a story to tell. i'm not motivated enough. ive looked up several times ways i might be able to use python to make a lil tamagotchi project to practice but i just never do!!! maybe i know enough python from the udemy now that i could but would i?? idk!!!

people always say you learn best by just jumping into it. find something fun you want to make or do and then learn as you go. but i dont have passion. im in a vacuum. even with my fics, i still like writing my fics!!! but i slowed down so much on those. because before, i was writing them to share between my friend and me when we were first getting into twst and based off a lot of inside jokes and ideas bouncing off of each other lol. fics, aus, doodles, whatever. and we still talk twst but she isnt caught up to main story anymore and it's not as much of a thing we talk as often or deeply about. i think my doodles got a lot more boring as a result and ive had less ideas. but i do still love the characters so so so so much and i do have fics i want to write... but it slowed down and i dont WANT it to slow down. i get excited over characters and games, and it doesnt really help me in terms of trying to fuckin Get A Job or Learn A Skill or whatever but. like at least it's something. i feel like my doodles got more bland too like i just kinda redoodle the same stiff generic things over and over and over again forever

there are so many things i can just do a little bit of but not enough to be like. impressive. or hireable. or helpful or smart or knowledable or whatever. like i can crochet a little bit. i can sew a LITTLE bit to get some simpler cosplays but nothing fancy. im not motivated enough to push those further to like "make my own clothes" or a more ambitious cosplay even tho i like the base level stuff. i can program a LITTLE in python but cant motivate myself to figure out what to do with it. i used to know a little hlsl and i know some node based shader stuff but not enough to be super deep with it. like more than a non tech artist i guess but not enough to make things that really look all that good 😑 i used to do tech theater in high school, but only really knew the basics of the woodworking and lightbooth stuff, not enough/not kept up with where i could do anything with that now even though i enjoyed it then. i was in chorus in school for like five years in middle/high school and i took some basic piano and saxophone lessons but every time i try to go back to something like that im dusting off the cobwebs. i also have always had huge anxiety so i coudnt ever have considered a performance thing with it anyway. whenever i was in school chorus production musical things i was only in ensemble parts or at the very least singing with a small group of other people because i never had the ambition or desire or bravery to try and stand out lol. i liked being backstage. i started learning to rollerskate but i only ever really got to a point where i could move around without falling over and then as soon as i started capoeira i never touched the skates again. even though it was fun! i studied spanish for years and used to practice with my father but i barely ever do now, even thought i knew enough to go to spain on a school trip we still were in an english comfortable environment and i really could just fumble my way through simple conversations in spanish. i dont keep up with it enough to like, be able to smoothly translate more casual dialogue or whatever and as much as id really love to practice that more, i once again dont have the motivation or drive or even ideas for it. i have a few times thought learning portuguese for capoeira or japanese for just generic enjoyment of japanese games and anime and stuff would be cool but i do. not. stick. with. it.

i do notice lately that the other thing. next to the fear of failure motivation. it is the community thing. i do capoeira not out of fear but because there are other people i go and do it with. i pay for the classes, i enjoy the classes, i do the classes with other people. when i was in school i had other classmates doing the same things with me. when i was in tech theater or chorus clubs i had clubmates. music instrument classes i had the instructor / it was something my mother was paying for me to do / the instructor would give me homework to practice and i had to be able to report to that person the next week so i would have the incentive to do it [another failure thing i guess but still lol]. cosplay i do alone as i make it but then i see other people at cons. i hadnt done new ones in a long time tho because i wasnt going to cons, and the only one i made recently i also had the motivation and deadline of a con coming up that a friend and i were going to go to together and our cosplays connected. theres community. but right now i have no job to worry about failing at, and no coworkers to bounce ideas off of. personal projects are in such a vaccuum i just dont have the motivation or self discipline. even the udemy python thing, some lessons are more interesting than others, and it's general python stuff so rn the recent stuff is like, good dev stuff but not gamedev stuff; but i have learned enough where i probs could take it and run but i dont know how or why or what to do with it!!!

i dont know if im even making a point here i think ive just had these thoughts swirling around my mind and overwhelming me for. well kind of forever LOL

[autumnapple-juicebox]

I love this blog so much! I'd love to see some more art of the daycare itself or the caregivers working with the kids in each of theor jobs. Is there any plans for that in the future? also I'd love to know more about the real world vs daycare/digital world and how that works! this is such a comfy and cozy story!

Thank you so much friend !!

This answer will be a little long as I'll go through each point! And also because I'm a yapper </3

This whole story started as a silly conversation between me and my friend Omu because we both love daycare AUs and are generally big comforts to us. The real world is not any different while the digital one, as stated in the other ask I answered, is set in an old fashioned flash games site.

The Kinito digital pet was not successful, so Sonny decided to aim at a younger audience compared to the teens. He make a few flash games and rebranded the mascots to match the purpose of their new ambience

Tho, Sonny used the same code of the digital pet to make sure Kinito was able to learn what the kids needed, hence making him sentient. He saw how a lot of kids were sad, some bullied even by their own parents, so he did the most reasonable thing he could think of: a safe place for them.

Everytime a kid would be sad, Kinito would bring them to the daycare for a while, then bring them back to the real world. Of course, this concerned parents and threatened Sonny's project but the latter saw it as an opportunity to solve oh so many problems related to parenting. The daycare was a free spot to leave the kids at if the parents had to stay away, the parents could ask for tips to the digital caregivers if they found themselves stuck, and in bad situations Kinito was able to connect to the Child Protective Services through internet. Since the site was free, the money was obtained through merch, but there was also an option for donations on the site and subscriptions for exclusive merch.

With the story settled, to answer your questions, I am absolutely planning to draw and write lots of stuff! I will post the doodles I already have in a bit now that the PSA cards are ready. On the other hand I'm hesitant to share the fics I wrote because they contain a little mention to bad parenting and impure regression (which, for context, is when you regress under high levels of stress and you find yourself stuck in that state)

In the meantime tho I can give you some more headcanons!

Each caregiver's appearance, as you can see, resembles their respective role.

Kinito is the main mascot and is a plushy, based also a lot on Winnie the Pooh. He's very patient and sweet and is in charge of anything that happens during day time, whether it'll be playing, reading, teaching, coloring and so on

Sam is in charge of night time and is a night light, can change the intensity of his light and also the warmth of his body. Kids all dogpile on him when it's nap time because he's super warm and cozy

Jade is the mother figure of all kids and adults included, she's in charge of snack time and she's based off a teething toy! She also helps teaching kids to clean after themselves (usually Sam is included with the kids for his laziness /silly)

Another silly thing all of them can do is pull a command prompt and turn you into a kid, that's what basically happens to Aspen all times he's portrayed as a child. They can physically make you regress and let you participate in all the activities, they care a lot for their fellow age regressors just as much they care for their kids

The daycare in general is structured very similar to the one on FNAF:Security Breach, that place is very comforting for me especially Sun and Moon so ofc I based myself off of that hehe

The main area is the day time one, with different places for different activities, then on the sides there would be the snack time area and nap time area, so every caregiver has its place but can still move around to interact with the kids

Helpers are always welcome! All of the other human caregivers are active volunteers from the real world! Whether it'll be because they like doing it in their free time or because they want a place to train themselves in the subject, maybe soon to be parents considering the options even.

Of course this brings to a huge utopia but who cares am I right? We deserve to be happy <3

[wulvert]

I hope this isn’t one of those impossible to answer questions but, how did you start drawing/stay motivated?? I’ve wanted to make comics/ just draw in general for awhile but my art always looks BADDDD and seeing people (like my bf for example) be great at art and even going to university for it it’s like…. Huhhggugugufufgguugufufufuufufufufuueuwuaaaaaaaaa- and demotivates me a little, yk??

i started drawing bc i wanted to draw warrior cats

staying motivated is different for everyone, for me, NOW I really want to be able to draw my ocs fast and efficiently, im the only one who can draw my ocs because im the only one who knows them so i must do it, and i want to draw them well so I must improve. This may not work for everyone but I am an insanely jealous person, I covet so hard. obvs we covet what we see every day, so following artists I'm jealous of makes me want to get better, and to get better i must keep drawing so one day i can be like twitter user #42. I guess that's finding inspiration. maybe FIND INSPIRATION!!! is a nicer recommendation than become ENVIOUS. sorry. follow your inspirations.

Making drawing not a painful gut wrenching experience is incredibly important, personally I like to get something DONE, i want to fail FAST and move onto the next thing, I rarely sketch and i do thick non intricate line art to accommodate this, if i was forcing myself to do insanely rendered portraits every day i would stop drawing, i dont like it or find it fun! maybe once in a blue moon is a good time.

Doing figure drawings is genuinely the biggest game changer, not even to get better at art, obviously it does that but as a side effect it makes drawing so much easier, if i want to draw a full body now It is not a battle, i can just do that, even if it is wonky i can complete it without struggling on a sketch for three hours. I think improving your fundamentals makes drawing more fun and less like a slog to get through. I started trying to do figure drawing every day a couple months ago, i dont always manage but i try to get it most days of the week & now the way i feel about drawing has flipped entirely, the amount of art i post has like quadrupled since september.

Feeling bad about your art is normal! I have never felt happy with mine, i know i cant draw faces very well and i avoid feet but I will get there one day if i keep it up, im focusing my reference drawing on faces atm! I am the happiest with it i have ever been just because im having fun with it for the first time in a long time but I still have a long way to go. Keeping it up is hard but it is worth it if its something you enjoy :) Finding method that you enjoy drawing with takes a long time, It took me years to figure out i just do not like using pen pressure at all whatsoever & since then digital drawing has become a lot less physically painful for my hand lol.

also making comics just helps a lot. you dont have time to make everything perfect, you just have to keep drawing and getting better. u will hate all your old pages eventually it genuinely rules.

I hope this doesnt read as BECOME ENVIOUS AND SPIT OUT DRAWINGS FAST WITH NO REGARD FOR QUALITY bc that isnt what i mean, i just mean streamlining my process helped me find what i like to focus on in my art which is shape and colour, and learning how to make shapes better helped me have more fun. I like quality and spending time perfecting things i just like spending time on the things i care about! & now im trying to branch out into other non illustration stuff im just having a good time.

soz this is long i hope it answered ur question in some form

[manaofflame]

This is some pre-canon one-shot fic practice that may be implemented into the comic. I only made this because of the new art I did, which is below. Some art note, I am just trying out various color profile view thing that the digital art application I used have, because I'm not sure if I'm bad at coloring and choosing color or it's the color profile, I don't know, just trying things out. Siffrin is not a good candidate for this, since his color palette is black and white, oops, but I'm trying stuff out and improving... I hope... Uh, I hope you enjoy!

(Warning: Nothing morbid like blood or worse, but just for people who likes good grammar. I'm bad with past, present and future tense, so, sorry about this. Also, I am bad at remembering some vocabulary, even some basic words! So the writing can feel... simple. Anyway, that's all!)

Sorry for another interruption, this is just in case some technical error happen. You see, some times, when I tried to create some paragraph spacing in the middle of all of these words, some of the paragraphs just straight up vanished and never came back, at least in my screen it doesn't. So I'm not sure if when I post this, those paragraphs will pop out of nowhere. If it does, I will see if I can deal with it. Not sure if this is a common problem, but it happened to me.

Mirabelle is feeling very anxious and nervous. Recently, they had retrieved the fourth orb after a hard battle with the sadness that guards it. With one left to go, their journey is nearing to it's end.

She hadn't been able to sleep, so she decided to take a walk around, to calm herself down.

She stopped suddenly when she spotted Siffrin, looking up at the night sky, looking at the stars again (she's not sure why he likes to do it. She supposed it's pretty, but she felt that there's more to it than simple observation).

She shouldn't be surprise or startled to find Siffrin in the dead of night, and seeing no one is awake right now (or outside like they are), she...

"Siffrin." She softly called out to Siffrin, trying not to startle him, though it seems he already noticed her presence. He's very good at sensing presence amongst the party, it's what allowed him to find Bonnie that time when the rest of them didn't noticed the child.

"Mira, shouldn't you be in bed?" Siffrin asked.

"I should, but I can't sleep. And so should you. I know you like being up at night, but... it's not healthy, being up at night all the time, and we need to be ready and good to go to keep journeying, and... and..." Mirabelle tries to find more answers, but she ran out of it.

"...Mira, you are worried... Why?" Siffrin asked, looking concern. Mirabelle feels a bit jealous that Siffrin is not feeling anxious or worried about this journey at all. She wished she had that kind of confidence. Still, despite that, Mirabelle knows by now, from the time she journeyed with him alongside with everyone, that he's a kind and caring person.

Despite her initial worries due to his mysterious aura and other factors when he first joined, Mirabelle is glad to asked him to join her and help her to save Vaugarde when he saved her and everyone from that powerful sadness.

"I'm.. just worried. We are closing in the end of the journey, there's only one orb left to get before we head to Dormont to get to the House Of Change to defeat the King, but... what if something happen?!"

"Mira."

"What if... one of us die? What if they are crippled permanently for life? What if... What if..."

"Mira, stop. Listen to me."

Mirabelle stops, looking at Siffrin, who's looking at the stars with pained expression, as if thinking of some unpleasant things like memories or something else. He then turns to Mirabelle with a reassuring face.

"It will be alright, Mira. I won't let anything happen to anyone. I won't. Isa, Odile, Bonbon, and you. I won't let anything happen to you." Siffrin declared with a small smile.

...She knows. Siffrin would look out for everyone, and lead everyone to safety, disarming traps and looking out for enemies, making sure nothing bad happen to them.

"..Thanks, Siffrin. I suppose I should stay positive! No need to bring down the morals." Mirabelle replied with a smile, feeling a bit better.

"No problem, I hope it helps." Siffrin hides beneath his hat. Is he being shy again? Cute!

Mirabelle hopes nothing bad will happen to her or anyone, and of course, Siffrin. He's her and their friend after all! She now feel like she could go back to sleep now. She hoped one day she could hug and group hug with Siffrin, but due to his weird aversion to touch as Odile called it, she sadly could not. She hoped one day she could though.

[dreadfutures]

I hold in two hands:

everything is going pretty well. I am slowly making friends and deepening friendships IRL in my dream town. relationship w my family is the best it may have ever been in my life. my job is easy and satisfying and eases my conscience and I enjoy it. i am getting back into physical art. I call my best friend from grad school every week. I play DND with my best friends from college every week. I play Pathfinder with a group I've been with for six years every week. I have every cuisine imaginable available to me, there is every kind of hang out spot nearby, transit is cheap, and I'm under very little pressure in life. I have improved my digital art over the years and have the honor of being commissioned to draw people's OCs! I have a story I've been writing for four years that I am still passionate about and invested in with a dedicated readership of 100 or so people every update. I get to participate in exchanges of art and writing about fandoms I love, with people who love them. I have been able to introduce good people looking for communities to good communities full of good people. I have been able to run a (so far!) successful large fan event to celebrate all of that. I have so much I'm looking forward to, games and music and movies and books, travel, visits, museums...

and

I am tired. Depression is coming back for me like the tide and with it comes this irrational unsteadiness. Where things have been certain, solid, steady, and where I've been unconcerned and happy, I'm finding myself insecure, jealous, shy, uncertain, self deprecating, self conscious, unconfident, unhappy. everything I make I question. I can't help but feel the weight of all the things I usually brush off as meaningless. There's no amount of rationalization, reassurance, or interactions that can turn that around.

It just is. Both. All at once. For now.

I am very grateful for what I have. I really am. but I will never not be depressed, you know? Like, if I'm being pulled under by a rip current every few months, at least the water is warm now. And it'll let me out eventually I guess, as it always does, and I'll find my footing again. It's easier to find footing again and not drown than it was 5, 7, 10 years and many prescriptions ago. but right now I just wish I could find a therapist to have an outlet to express, process, experience those feelings safely with another human being who won't be affected by it all. It has been a long time since I've been the kind of childish person who goes crying and wailing about my insecurities to people in search of validation and praise that I would then reject. But watching other people do it makes me wish I wasn't so far along on the self awareness journey and could be so freely pathetic again. Because that behavior does receive so much validation, pretty intensely, lots of preening comments that feel morbidly good and bad simultaneously, you know? But it feels better than silence, even if it comes with the shame of publicly begging for attention and validation lmao. But better than silence is also just having a place to express stupid feelings and cry a river about petty things and then be able to sigh or laugh it off and put those feelings in broader contexts and move on without ruining my life and relationships.

I just fucking wish they didn't all set their appointments by telehealth only, and in the middle of my goddamn work day.

I don't want a room mate again but I wish I didn't live alone. I wish I just had someone who got me, who sees me and loved me, in the same room, day and night. I miss the person who inspired DPDF a lot these days. they weren't the first person I had that connection with and they don't have to be the last. and our connection isn't the same anymore but it's still precious and it's hard being apart but that's how it has to be. There will be others. it'll be fine. someday maybe. in the meantime it's cooling down from this heat wave and there are lunches to attend and weird driveway artisan shows to sniff out and cafes to write in and cute outfits to wear and things to learn and I'll play more good games and I'll get my hair done special and at some point the positive feelings will catch up again and maybe I'll be able to enjoy them fully like a normal human being. at some point I'll blink awake in the middle of a conversation and realize I'm feeling happy and clear again. that's how it always happens and in the meantime I hold both of these feelings in separate hands at once. Tangible. If I say out loud that they're both real then they both can be, again.