#Thinks being trans is a brain issue even though he is trans himself

[tovarishch-dyke]

See how I don’t be a dickhead every time a relative is mildly annoying? Very polite, very demure. See how I just fucking deal with people’s bullshit without making a fucking scene? Very demure very polite. See how I don’t complain nonstop about people genuinely worrying about my health when I’m smoking a cig? Very polite very de—

[mousydentist]

KPTS fics under 10k that changed my brain chemistry

PART 1: KimChay

Inspired by @the-cookie-of-doom making a fic rec list, cause i was like hey! i like fics too! so here's a bunch of <10k word fics that altered the course of my life. i'm gonna do a few parts, so this first one is just kimchay. i tried to tag all the authors on tumblr but there was a couple i was unsure of so please lmk if they have an account for me to tag! (or if i fucked up any of the links cause you know tumblr was fighting me) <3 without further ado, and in no particular order:

Your last lie by saturnscoded @saturnscode (8182 words)

Not Rated. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

In which Porchay's boyfriend cheats on him with Kimhan and he decides to take revenge. Or Things get out of control and Chay doesn't know how to stop.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- this fic oh my god i love this fic. GO READ THIS FIC RIGHT NOW. yknow when people are like "would you rather have a fic with amazing plot or amazing writing" GUESS WHAT BESTIE THIS ONES BOTH. GO READ IT.

Ringing Endorsements by bisexualbard @bisexualbard-writes (2556 words)

Rated G. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim is not impulsive. Kim is a planner, a plotter, a researcher, and generally considers all angles of an action before he makes a move. Chay has always been the exception to his rules though, which is why he’s not even surprised at himself when he walks out of the jewelry shop with an engagement ring barely a month after they’ve reconciled. The only problem is, he doesn't stop at just one.

i have shed so many tears to this fic. it hits the sappy romantic in me right in the fkn feels GOD it just hurts so good ITS NOT EVEN SAD it's just so good it makes me cry 😭😭😭

podfic available by AirgiPodSLV (AirgiodSLV) @airgiodslv!!! welcome to tumblr fdjsjd

heaven is a place (here, on your floor) by booksnchocolate @booksnchocolate (7020 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

They're going to have sex. Eventually. They're going to take their clothes off and Chay is going to explore all of Kim's glorious, glorious body with his hands and mouth and – whew, he's going to need a cold shower. There's just one problem. It’s not a big deal, at first.

oh boy. what do i even say about this fic. i think about this fic a lot. like a LOT. it's so incredibly moving and emotional and ugh. just. perfect. no notes. i've cried at this and if i read it again right now i would cry again

Kim's Magic Pussy by imdeadlily @imdeadlily (8096 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim wakes up and finds his dick is gone. MIA. Vanished. Displaced. Chay has no issues with this.

i'm a die-hard imdeadlily fan. i highly highly recommend everything they've written and this fic, THIS FIC. ITS SOOOO. just. go read it. you have to experience it yourself.

rainbow hanging over your head by IsleofSolitude @emberfaye (4174 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Chay is crushing hard on Kim. That's the only reason it takes him awhile to realize kim's brothers are being weird.

this fic is the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when it's winter and you take a big blanket that like 10 times your size and you cuddle with your dog. that's this fic. i love this fic more than at least 90% of all things.

Pillow Talk by Atlas (xx_atlas_xx) @xxatlasxx (1427 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim finds some time to himself while on tour as Wik, but gets interrupted by a phone call.

FOLLOWING THE TRANS KIM THEME WITH THIS MASTERPIECE. ive screamed all up in atlas' dms ab this fic and there is a REASON it was my most re-read fic of last year. sweet little trans!kim smut that i adore

drape myself with floral light by fern_tdvuh @fern-tdvuh (2080 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

"Kim feels like a sunflower – he can't resist basking in Chay's light." How Kim and Chay recognize their love for each other via tattoos, and then share it with the world.

this fiiiIIIIIIIIIIIC GODDDDDDDD. i swoon. i SWOOOOOON over this fic. i simply do not even have the words. this fic hurts my bones, hurts down to my soul. so fucking good. 10/10

Do You Believe in Magic? by disast3rtransp0rt @disast3rtransp0rt (3407 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Deadpool continues to breeze past the entire situation, as he usually does when he’s in ‘trouble’. In fact, ‘Pool starts flirting even earlier into their banter than usual. “Did you hear the part where we’re soulmates, Spidey?” “I actively ignored that bit, actually,” Chay outright lies. Like a lying liar whose spandex is on fire. One hand is still on his hip, and he uses the other to gesture between the two of them. “What if we’re platonic soulmates?” “That’s not how the spell works,” Sabrina the Pain in Chay’s Ass speaks up. “We were hoping to summon Death, but–”

THIS FIC EEEEEEEE oh my god this was just so cute my heart simply could not take it. i read this after like, just, such an awful terrible day and it made me smile and god i love it. very special place in my heart for this fic.

i see rain but maybe they're all tears for you by OdeToFics @thestrangeillusion (5459 words)

Rated E. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

Chay slumps back down onto the couch, picking up his controller where he'd abandoned it when there was a knock at his door. "Take your clothes off and then come here," he commands with a steady voice without even looking in Kim's direction. When his words are only greeted with silence from where Kim is still standing next to the door he'd just locked, Chay turns around to look at him and raises a challenging eyebrow at him. "W-what?" Kim stutters out and Chay feels a rush of satisfaction in making the always cool and collected Kim Theerapanyakun finally lose his resolve for once. "You said 'anything', did you not?" Chay asks coldly. ~~ Or: Chay wants Kim to be as vulnerable with him as he had always made himself for Kim. He wants to have some control over Kim. He realises too late that he's in way over his head.

OOF this fic hurts so good. post canon kim having emotions, goodness gracious it HITS DIFFERENT. SAD ANGST PORN MY BELOVED. SMANGST IF YOU WILL

The Art of Persuasion by Zoiseaunoir (9226 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Porchay really wants to top. Kim needs a little persuasion. ... or does he?

!!!!!! some top tier kimchay communication porn. i read this fic like seven times in the week i first discovered it AND YOU SHOULD TOO

Take Your Time (I Promise Not to Run) by WildelyDawn @wildelydawn (3637 words)

Rated E. Rape/Non-con. Summary:

“Somnophilia,” Kim reads out loud. “A sexual interest in engaging in sexual activity with a sleeping person.” Chay hadn’t said no to any of his desires so far. But this is different. This is taking without asking. It’s wrong. (Or: Kim discovers somnophilia and struggles to keep his desires to himself. Chay's there to guide him through it.)

fOOkin hell this fic, this whole series actually, actually actually everything by dawn but i digress. just like, jaw-dropping plot, beautifully written, and smutty on top of it?? just 10/10 fic overall, absolutely outstanding

podfic available by Princess_Moonlight!!!

paying the price by IsleofSolitude @emberfaye (4133 words, ongoing)

Rated M. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

Secure with the knowledge that Kim won’t leave him again, Chay unblocked Kim and pressed the call button. (Alternatively, Chay fucks around and finds out. All magic comes with a price.)

:*) bro. this fic took my emotions and put them in a blender. the first chapter was jaw dropping and had me hooked, and the second chapter picked my jaw off the ground and stapled it back on with no novocain. my heart huuuuurts thinking about this fic /pos

I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All by Sweet_William @sweet-william-writes (3108 words)

Rated E. Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-con. Summary:

Chay starts having graphic dreams where Kim attacks him. When he is faced with a real-life volatile Kim killing men in Hum Bar to protect him, he realises they were never nightmares. They were wet dreams. And now he's going to make those dreams a reality, whether Kim wants it or not.

yOWza bonowza this fic is a doozy /pos. author's note says "Because we need more awful kimchay fics <3" and sir you delivered!!!!!! spectacular and gasp-worthy, i couldn't stop thinking about it for like four days after reading it

Technicality by TheCookieOfDoom @the-cookie-of-doom (9136 words, ongoing)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim is an OnlyFans model. Despite taking (literal) monster dildos up his ass on the regular, he is still, technically, a virgin.

now this one is just technically (ha) less than 10k, its 9k and ongoing but goddamnit im counting it because loooOORDD. this has almost all of my favorite tropes wrapped up in 9k of excellent writing and GOD it makes me feral like actually fr feral

K's Puppy Boy by Maenecoon @maenecoon (9944 words, ongoing)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

To be in K’s position, to garner the attention of people who'd pay to see him do more and go further into the depths of depravity. To feel wanted and needed and pleasured all while earning a bit of pocket money. It sounds like a dream. And so Chay's here now, attempting a stream of his own. ー Or, Chay stumbles upon the prettiest camboy. Things go downhill from there.

OK THIS ONES ALSO JUST BARELY 10K BUT LISTEN. holy F LISTEN TO ME. go read this right now. this shit has me blushing and kicking my feet and chewing my arm off and SCREAMING OUT LOUD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT god GOD ITS SO. ok yeah go read it.

[intothedysphoria]

The podcast was Steve’s idea.

It had started with a joke from Heather. She’d took one look at Billy and Steve’s accidentally matching gym clothes and told them they looked like a failing alpha bro podcast duo. The type of guys who’d talk about being alpha males. Billy had laughed hard but it had made Steve think.

They’d been best friends since kindergarten and were functionally inseparable. Billy had seen Steve through a long period of deep, dark depression and Steve liked to think he’d helped Billy through Neil. Most podcasts Steve had listened to, the hosts didn’t even sound like they liked each other. They’d be perfect.

It took Steve about a month to convince Billy to put himself in front of a microphone. For a guy with a 300k follower Instagram thirst trap account, Billy was crushingly self conscious about his voice. He’d been on testosterone for three years but still felt like he sounded “clockable.” It wasn’t until Steve promised that if they got even one comment about Billy’s voice, they’d immediately delete the episode, that Billy agreed.

Between the two of them, they had absolutely no qualifications to start an agony aunt podcast. Still, the first episode was released onto Spotify and it had a surprisingly warm reception. Most of their listeners were queer or neurodivergent and were asking about what to do when a hookup went wrong or how to go outside without having a panic attack.

It was heartwarming really, the affect Steve felt that they were having. Two trans guys talking openly about sex, relationships, social faux pas, fitting in and the occasional tangent on oyster forks wasn’t exactly common. And their audience seemed to cling to them like two older brother figures.

It was perfect. Should have been perfect. It was just that there was a bit of a side affect.

As it turned out, spending every week with your best friend, who was physically just your type, and was also just an absolute sweetheart, led to having a crush on said best friend.

That is if you were Steve anyway. Shit.

Most guys on realising they were crushing hard on their best friend probably would have done something normal, like tell him. Not Steve though. Steve endeavoured to lock himself in the broom closet and scream before every recording session of the podcast.

It would work. Hopefully.

Then Billy started getting random listeners proposing to him via email. They’d read them out before every advice segment and Billy would either accept or decline depending on how funny he found it but it still made Steve die a little inside. Billy felt like his in some intangible, indescribable way and even jokes about marriage felt like suffocating.

He redownloaded Grindr the next day. The guys on there left a lot to be desired, especially compared to Billy but at least it stopped Steve from feeling quite so lonely. He flirted, made decisions that made Robin tut and generally started morphing into the kind of hot mess Steve had been in his late teens.

Billy didn’t seem to notice. That is until he did.

Steve was very late for recording the newest episode, a silly one about accents. He hadn’t remembered to shave so the patchy stubble that hrt was helping him grow in was a mess. There was gum stuck to to the bottom of his shoe. Something had gotten spilled on his shirt.

His co host once again looked delicious. Delicious and worried. So worried in fact that he dragged Steve into the very closet that he’d spent almost two months hiding in.

There was only so long Steve could hedge around the issue. Not with Billy worrying about all the things that could have gone wrong, anxious brain in overdrive. Steve had to tell him.

A short, excruciating silence followed after Steve admitted his crush/budding love. One that the slightly irrational part of his mind was convinced would culminate in Billy punching him again.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, Billy called him a dumbass, they made out under a precarious tin of paint for fifteen minutes, and agreed that getting together was long overdue.

The first email they got from a listener after going public about their relationship was short and to the point.

Can I propose to both of you?

I think it was @camaro-and-smokes and @prettyboy-like-you who reblogged being interested in the og post about this idea and since I am a fic writing weirdo, I wanted to write a little ficlet for them! I hope you both like it

(Inspired LOOSELY by the hilarious Help I Sexted My Boss podcast which I adore. Also inspired a smidge by Lust For Life by @oopsiedaisiesbaby)

[narcissosbythepool]

PriceGaz Week - Day 1 (and 4, arguably)

Poetry prompt: "& how many times have you loved me without my asking? how often have i loved a thing because you loved it? including me"

Rosie AU

Tags: Established pricegaz, past trans pregnancy, non-sexual intimacy, showering together, scars (incl. caesarean section), mild body image issues, fluff, kissing

//

Kyle has always been handsome to John. 

From the very first moment they met, John could vaguely estimate that Kyle was a good-looking guy, though at the time he didn't think much of it, busy with the whole gas operation and helping Farah. After he recruited Kyle for 141 and they began to work closer together, it kept slowly creeping up on him, the attraction, the affection. And then one day he looked at Kyle and his eyes truly opened to his beauty, the depth of his eyes, his full lips, how his brown skin glowed in sunlight. Toned body and a wicked smile, add his charming personality on top, and John found himself inevitably, inescapably falling deeper into an infatuation that then became something more.

The man who met Kyle in Piccadilly had no idea where he would end up.

The man who first noticed Kyle months later had no idea that Kyle could become, somehow, inexplicably even more alluring.

John knew the changes to Kyle's body from the pregnancy, and even postpartum, were not the easiest for Kyle to process. John knew that no matter how much and thoroughly he convinced that Kyle was still gorgeous to him, it did not really matter as long as it bothered Kyle. Now, nearly 18 months later, Kyle is almost back to the shape he was before the pregnancy, and he seems more comfortable in his skin than he has in ages.

Fatherhood also suits him well. He's become irresistible. John doesn't know how he's able to keep his hands off at any time. And he doesn't – whenever he's back home he finds himself touching Kyle constantly. Pressing a hand to the small of his back at every chance, caressing his face and hair, giving him hundreds and then thousands of kisses so that they lose count by the time he has to go.

He had already thought he had found the love of his life, that this was the extent of how much a human heart could handle affection – and then came their little Rosanna and grew his heart at least three sizes just to contain all of his devotion for her. With all the hard work that comes with parenthood, she's truly his everything. Not a day goes by that he doesn't miss her, want to hold her and watch her grow, become a person in this frightening world. Her smile is the reason he keeps going, her laugh and little arms around his neck life's greatest gift. 

So naturally watching Kyle interact with her makes his brain break. 

Kyle is so comfortable with her – it's no wonder, they've spent 18 months together, a criminal amount of it alone as John's been gone. Kyle's attentive to her every need and when they look at each other it's clear that they're each other's world. John is merely grateful he's allowed within this galaxy of parental wonder. He'll make it up, he tries each time he comes back, but he also finds it sweet that the two people he loves the most in this world adore each other like this. Kyle handles her with ease, taking everything in stride, be it tearful meltdowns or Rosie’s boundless energy. She is such a happy little child and John could not be more grateful that his absence doesn’t seem to have affected her sense of safety in the world.

He’s watching now as Kyle puts Rosie to bed (he insisted on doing it tonight, claiming that ‘you’re hogging her all to yourself, let me have a moment’, which isn’t untrue). 

“Say ‘good night’ to Da,” Kyle tells Rosie, to which Rosie replies “Night-night!” and they both turn to wave at John, who waves back, clearly being chased out – fine, he can take the hint, and he blows a kiss to the pieces of his heart and then closes the door behind him. He listens by the door as Kyle starts reading a story to Rosie.

“Now that Da has stopped eavesdropping,” he begins and John rolls his eyes, finally tearing himself from the door. He takes a look at the flat and then sets himself to cleaning up the day’s activities. He gathers Rosie’s toys and arranges them in their respective boxes, puts all the pillows back on the sofa, and then turns to the kitchen, filling up the dishwasher as quietly as he can, resolving to get to the frying pan tomorrow, and then wipes the counters, the table and the tray of Rosie’s high chair.

With all that done, he looks around and there’s just… nothing else to do. He should welcome the quiet, and he does on some level – life with a toddler isn’t the easiest thing in the world, no matter how adorable and sweet Rosanna is, but he still doesn’t feel the pull of sleep like he usually does at the end of the day. 

No can do – he’s restless. Leaves have always been tough for him, his mind constantly in mission-mode. It was worse, before, he would pace around like a restless dog yearning for a run, and he would do that too. Run for miles, try to distract his mind from the emptiness around him. Now it’s different, with Kyle and Rosie, and he’s happy that he can channel all of his restless energy into spending time with his daughter. Give some alone-time and well-earned rest to Kyle and make sure that he bonds with his daughter properly before he has to go again. 

Rosie still cries when he leaves. It tears him apart every time.

He glances at the clock. It’s only 7pm, normal bedtime for Rosie, perhaps even a bit early, but she was getting cranky and getting her to sleep before a meltdown is always better. She’ll most likely fall asleep mid-story again, which is always very cute, but it will take some time and John now has to figure out what to do in the meantime. 

He ends up scrolling on his phone on the sofa and bothering Nikolai, trying his best not to ask about work things. These days he really tries to disengage from work, try out the whole work-and-life balance thing that’s all the rage these days. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year and a half already, of living this new life of his – being a father (the thought still makes him feel a bit dizzy), returning home to his family, being the kind of person who gets to leave work to his workplace and then just… be done. Be home.

He’s still really bad with alone time, though. Waiting for Kyle to re-emerge from Rosie’s room feels like it takes forever, and John can’t help but be reminded of a dog again.

He looks up when he hears the door and Kyle smiles at him.

“She fell asleep fast,” John lies and Kyle yawns. 

“I almost fell asleep first,” he admits and then joins John on the sofa. John opens his arms and Kyle settles sideways on his lap, practised by now in the fine art of cuddling. 

“No TV tonight?” John asks and Kyle presses his face against John’s neck, and then nods.

“Can’t concentrate,” Kyle admits. “I don’t understand how I’m this tired…”

A thought occurs to John. “How about,” he suggests, “we take a shower?”

“In that case,” Kyle concurs and then leans in to kiss John’s cheek. “What are we waiting for?”

Kyle slowly raises his head. “Too tired for sex, too.”

“That’s why I suggested showering,” John raises a brow at him and Kyle flushes a little. 

“For you to get off my lap,” John replies cheekily and gets a light tug on his beard.

“Piss off,” Kyle chuckles and then blesses John with another kiss. 

John gets them the softest towels he can find and takes the baby monitor to the bathroom just in case. Kyle waits for him there already, still clothed, helping him out of his shirt and pants and dropping them to the laundry bin (which seem to have multiplied ever since they had their baby). When it’s Kyle’s turn, they both halt.

“How are you feeling today?” John asks. “Clothes on or off?”

Kyle swallows. This is always a bit of a difficult thing for them – they enjoy the intimacy of being skin-to-skin, but recently Kyle has had days when he’s just not feeling like feeling or looking at his body. Be it the sensory overload of parenting a tactile toddler or dysphoria, the reasons differ or intertwine, some days being touched and seen is overwhelming for him. John’s tried to make it clear that he never expects anything, is willing to go by Kyle’s wishes no matter what, but he knows Kyle worries about this.

Still John asks every time.

“Off,” Kyle says then. John resists the urge to ask if he’s certain – he’s learned that Kyle does not enjoy fussing, and would rather John take him at his word. 

John lets Kyle take off his own clothes, as much as he longs to touch, but then Kyle plasters himself against John’s body and John’s arms come around to pull him closer into the embrace.

“Hi,” Kyle mumbles against his skin and John is met with such a rush of fondness that he has to close his eyes for a moment.

“Hello there. Ready?”

Kyle nods and then pulls back just to slide his hands from behind John’s back over his sides, all the way to his pecs, lovingly caressing his chest and the hair there. John enjoys the petting, lifting his hand to cup the back of Kyle’s head and press a kiss on his forehead. Kyle chuckles, until his gaze falls on John’s arm – specifically the tattoo there.

A simple rose, with Rosanna’s birth date on it. There are many marks of life on John’s body and this one he’s the proudest of. He got it not that long after Rosie’s birth. Kyle follows the shape of it, the series of numbers, with his fingers, and then presses a gentle kiss on John’s shoulder, then his neck, a trail of soft kisses all the way up to his jaw.

“Yeah,” Kyle sighs in his ear and John feels heady with Kyle’s undivided attention. His hand travels to Kyle’s ribs, to the tattoo commemorating their daughter right under his top surgery scar on the left. A stylized bee design, mimicking their nickname for Rosie, and her birth date next to it. He knows the lines of it by heart, doesn’t even need to look. The symbols of their daughter permanently etched in their skin feels appropriate – she turned their lives upside down, and it would not be fair if the inner workings of their souls were not reflected externally. 

Close to the heart, always.

They step in the shower hand in hand and John makes sure the water temperature is warm enough before they step under the spray. He pulls Kyle close again and for a moment they just stand there under the water, brows pressed together and eyes closed, taking in the skin contact and closeness.

He lets Kyle take charge, as much as he yearns to touch and pamper him – but Kyle seems determined to be the active participant today, and John’s still not sure where they stand on the whole touching thing today. So he lets Kyle soap him, lets the touch ground him as Kyle washes his body, hands roaming gentle, stopping every now and then to appreciate a detail – a gnarly old scar by his shoulder; the expanse of his chest; another wide, deep scar from a knife wound across his waist (almost spilled his guts in Latvia); and throughout John watches him with soft eyes, feeling loved and cherished. 

“My turn?” he asks finally, and Kyle returns to him with yet another sweet kiss.

“Sure.”

John repeats the same process: soaps Kyle thoroughly, washes him clean of sweat and the day’s grime, and presses kisses to his shoulders and neck whenever he can reach. His hands follow the lines of Kyle’s body – the toned muscles, the softness of his dark skin, stalling by the stretch marks he adores. He knows Kyle isn’t the biggest fan of them, but John loves them. He runs his fingers over them.

“Gorgeous,” he murmurs and Kyle cups his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb.

“So you’ve told me.”

“It’s true. Every time.”

Kyle answers with a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling with delight, and John has to keep going to keep himself from crumbling on the spot.

He traces Kyle’s scars with reverence, as always. He knows them all by heart: that’s from when he ordered Gaz to rescue the hostages; this one’s from when he told Gaz to leave them. That’s from a gunshot wound from a sniper John didn’t notice; there’s a stab wound from Gaz covering for Soap. All these marks of life on him, and yet—

“I love this one the most,” John says, tracing the C-section scar across Kyle’s abdomen. It’s healed by now, but still clear – he knows it occasionally bothers Kyle, but John himself is positively obsessed with it.

“Yeah?” Kyle chuckles. “How so?”

“It feels like I put it there,” John says, transfixed on the darker line contrasting against Kyle’s beautiful brown skin. The truth is – he thinks most of Kyle’s scars, received after he joined John’s task force, as his. Both with the occasional guilt, but also with a sense of devotion. Kyle got these scars because of his orders.

This one, though. This one he knows he’s responsible  for.

Kyle knows this, and throws his head back with a rich laugh. “You’re deranged.”

“Yup,” John replies and then leans in to chase Kyle’s laugh with his lips, pulling him into a deep kiss once again. Kyle hums in his mouth and then pulls back with a sweet little peck.

“You know what I like about you?” Kyle asks, hooking his arms around John’s shoulders.

“Mmhm?”

“You always make me feel better about myself.”

“Really now?”

“Swear. You compliment me and say nice things.”

“Of course. You’ll always be gorgeous to me,” he says and Kyle grins.

“Yep, that’s what I mean,” he chuckles, bringing them nose to nose, nearly touching. “You’ve made me like many things. Including myself.”

It’s suddenly hard to speak. He parts his mouth but nothing comes out, and Kyle closes the distance, kissing him right on his stupefied face, the tip of his nose, then his cheek and finally his lips – by then John’s brain has caught on and he returns the kiss with a gentle kind of cupidity.

“The least I can do,” he murmurs. Kyle laughs again, the sweetest sound.

“And that’s why I love you,” Kyle says to that, sincere and heavy, and John doesn’t know how to verbalise the depth of emotion he feels – love just isn’t enough, with his entire being yearning to merge their very souls into one spinning spiral of light. Who else could he stand with in the water, like this, just exist together like the entire world revolves around them? Who else would he spend the rest of his life with? It feels impossible to even think that this could ever end, and he does not even dare to imagine such an impossibility.

“You alright there?” Kyle wipes a thumb over his cheek and John can’t tell if he’s wiping away a stray droplet of water or tears, and he doesn’t really care. 

“Yeah,” he says weakly. “I love you too.”

“Wow, for a moment I was worried you wouldn’t say it back,” Kyle teases – as if John could ever deny him the confession. He replies by brushing the tip of his nose against Kyle’s.

“Like I could resist.”

They enjoy the hot water, holding each other close, until the tips of their fingertips are all pruny.

John dries Kyle with the soft towel, takes his time with it, and Kyle lets him, understanding that John needs this moment to wind down from the emotional intensity. He gets on his knees to dry Kyle’s legs and when he looks up, it’s a sight from his dreams: Kyle looking down at him with a benevolent smile, like some saint, and John can’t resist but press a reverent kiss on the scar on his abdomen.

You’ve given me everything, he wants to say, you’re like a painting by the renaissance masters; I’d build a cathedral to your worship if you gave me the word; you’re the father of my child and I can never thank you enough.

But perhaps Kyle understands – he lifts John’s chin with two of his fingers and pulls him up to his feet as if tethered to his touch. 

“Let’s get to bed,” he says. 

Kyle’s word is law, so John dries them both as carefully and hastily as he can. 

They change into their pyjamas (a matching set – a gift joke from Dotty, but in frequent use nonetheless) and climb under the covers, Kyle settling in John’s arms as easy as breathing, like their bodies were made to be moulded together like this. 

On their way to bed, he lingers for a moment by Rosie’s nursery, eager to peek in and see if everything’s alright. He feels a touch to his elbow and it’s Kyle, gesturing with the baby monitor in his hand.

“She’s fine,” he says and tugs John by the arm. “Come to bed.”

He’s gorgeous. He’s everything John could ever have wished for and was convinced for so long that he didn’t deserve, couldn’t even dream of this reality. And yet here he is – sleeping in the same bed with his partner, their toddler dozing away in the next room, and it really can’t get better than this. And he owes it all to this man in his arms, the man of his dreams, the man—

“Stop thinking and go to sleep.”

He’s barely able to stop the audible laugh bubbling in his chest. Best not to wake their little one behind the wall.

“Yes, sir.”

END.

[silenthill2ps2]

While I'm already being an annoying ass punk and @'ing you I'd love to know your thoughts on Richter's identity issues and stuff during SoTN if you'd like to make a metapost about it 🤸‍♂️ Belmont lineage fucked this boy up he's got BPD now (in my eyes)

FINALLY IT'S RICHTER TIME

so DURING sotn? that's a good question since i'm not sure if he was lucid (like if he could see what shaft was making him do while he was possessing him) or not. in my opinion he was completely under shaft's control and had no idea wtf was going on (like maybe it was like a dream to him?) but it's only when alucard saves him that it allllll comes back to him. naturally he freaks the fuck out until maria calms him down

for pre and post sotn i have MANY more thoughts so let's get into it. i think an important aspect of richter's character is that he defeated dracula when he was literally NINETEEN years old. he was so young and his life was basically complete. he did his destiny for his family and the rest of the world by protecting them from dracula. what now. cue existential crisis and horrible coping mechanisms!!!!!!!!!!! then he spirals and has a mental breakdown he goes to the spot where dracula's castle crumbled shaft exploits and possesses him yadda yadda you know the deal. i also think the succubus contributed to richter's mental breakdown as well but that would delve into more headcanon-y territory. i just want her to have a bigger role ok

then we have post sotn where i think richter is just completely consumed by guilt but he still recognizes the problems that the belmont clan had and that's when he decides to pass the vampire killer onto the morrises cuz this shit CANNOT continue. and what makes him even more tragic is that his plan just... didn't work out in the end. julius still had to fight dracula hundreds of years later and even though soma is a normal nice boy dracula is still gonna get reincarnated eventually. the cycles babyyyyyy.

wow i got really off topic ANYWAYS back to post sotn richter. i think he has a lot of memory issues and possibly even some brain damage cuz he was literally possessed for a year. also even more gender dysphoria (he's a trans guy to me. of course) and just general dislike for his body since it wasn't his own. for a whole fucking year. i feel like combined with all these issues he eventually leaves the belmont clan and lives peacefully (but still depressed and traumatized) cuz he just couldn't handle being among the family members that had such high expectations of him and were partially responsible for his downfall.

i also think he has a lot of nightmares about shaft coming back to possess him again/possibly even kill him. he would have some abandonment issues cuz even though maria did look for him tirelessly and alucard saved him and broke the spell he has this itching feeling that no one would come back for him :( i feel like he wouldn't even consider himself a belmont later in life cuz of how detached he became from them. i think his guilt would never leave him wayyyy into his elder years and he would never fully recover from his trauma.

in conclusion please get this man some therapy

[fanby-fckry]

Alastor going to vox to ask him about useless men and 1950s gender roles is possessing my mind. Vox would either be offended or flattered and I don't know which. Thank you for the brain worm.

[Context]

Hehehe, always happy to provide brain worms. >:3c

As for whether Vox would be offended or flattered, I’m thinking it’d be a mix of both.

Ever since @prince-liest trans-ed Vox’s gender in 666 Live on Air (highly recommend btw) I cannot get trans man!Vox out of my head. I’m not sure that UHverse will ever put enough focus on Vox for his gender to become relevant, but the idea of UH!Vox being trans is rotating around in my brain.

So, if he is trans, that gives him a very unique perspective on the matter. Because he probably would’ve had to deal with a lot of 1950’s useless men, and wouldn’t have gotten the liberties given to them.

I can almost imagine him thinking of that specific type of privileged man as completely separate from himself, in a similar way that Alastor does, just for different reasons. Vox is a man, who didn’t get the perks of being a man until he had the chance to reinvent himself in Hell. Alastor is a man by default and considers himself better than most men in a sort of “toxic masculinity is a skill issue” type of way.

So there’s a decent chance it went something like this:

Alastor: Vox, a human man is being a terrible, lazy bump on a log and expecting his wife to do all the work! Are all men this useless?

Vox: *remembering his own husband, who was not as bad as Niffty’s, but still expected him to do housewife shit even though Vox also had a job* Yeah, it’s kind of expected for…

Vox: *remembering that Alastor doesn’t know that Vox is trans/wasn’t living as a man pre-mortem, and is 100% including him in the “useless men” statistic* Hey, wait a minute!

And then he probably gets some ewphoria (gender euphoria + ew for the unfamiliar) from it, because Alastor is affirming his gender here, it’s just in a really shitty way.

Vox later has one of those “I missed out on [highly gendered thing]” moments, but about being a slightly less useless husband. “I would’ve been a great useless husband! >:(” kinda thing. He and Val probably roleplay about it at some point.

[zushimart]

hey gay 🫶

mdni. hiii everyone we are discussing sub scara's top kinks. written w modern au in mind. gn!reader w/ a dick i think, and also probably trans!scara. ok anyway. not in any particular order, but:

1. praise/body worship one of scara's biggest personal issues is insecurity. he needs some reassurance that you like him, that you love him... and what better way to remind him than utter devotion to his mind and body... it can either be meticulous and embarrassing, like kissing every inch of his skin, lingering around the places he's most sensitive, hot breath ghosting the crook of his neck or the insides of his thighs as you whisper both tame and unholy little compliments... maybe even cockwarming him for hours... OR it can be rough and mind numbing. his body hot, squirming from overstimulation, pushing your head away from between his legs... scolding your one-track mind... your fixation on counting how many times he can come undone before he breaks. he enjoys how much you enjoy him... not only does it get him off, but it makes him happy, too.

2. exhibitionism back to his insecurity, i think he has a little worm inside his brain that enjoys proving to people that he's likable, lovable... fuckable!!! it's the reason he's obsessed with marking, scratching, and biting. he likes risky sex... nothing that'd get you caught... just the idea... like sending you nudes when you're out running errands or even calling you on the phone and letting you listen to him touch himself. it's why he likes photos and videos of him for later. yeah, he'd invite someone else into the bedroom just to let them watch you fuck him... let them see how well he takes it and how you're only giving it to him because he's just that good. he always puts on a pretty show when he knows he's being watched.

3. humiliation ( a. giving & b. receiving) ^ mix with the above for a delightful drink... a) king of scathing back talk. yeah, once you get him far enough, he's babbling about how much he loves you, begging for you to fill him up, etc. but before that!!! he's so mean ("you have no self control, you're like a dog" "i could do better with my fingers," etc.). it's just because he's embarrassed (and can never say what he actually means till he's intoxicated by lust) and he knows it eggs you on. makes you try even harder (or idk, manhandle him into shutting up or something). b) mix being mean with being nice. a voice drenched in fake pity telling him he's such a pretty cocksleeve, your favorite toy. maybe he's not the sweetest or the kindest plaything, but the pussy's so good he's still your #1 (weird power trip for him). great way to incorporate picturesss like above... make him make a mess of himself (unfocused eyes, sweaty and panting, lips swollen, bangs stuck to his forehead, covered in cum and snap a little pictureee). the sound of a condescending laugh makes him throb. he's not good with hardcore humiliation or anything, though... the most you could do is like... very gentle body writing.

4. corruption he's extremely inexperienced and the idea of being taught how to be a slut is a mind blowing fantasy for him.

5. honorable mention is. hate sex. NO I WILL NOT ELABORATE!!! but i do love this idea with ex bf scara a lot. haunts my dreams. OMG!!! i almost forgot cumplay. anything to do with cum but specifically inside him. ...swallowing, snowballing, creampies...

[twentysidednerd]

POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR “I SAW THE TV GLOW”

‼️‼️‼️‼️THIS IS YOUR WARNING TO TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED‼️‼️‼️‼️

i’ve been thinking about “i saw the tv glow” ever since i saw it yesterday and all of the layers that were in it. especially since my brain’s been kinda blah since last night

yes, the whole movie is essentially an allegory to being trans and not being able to be yourself. and i LOVE that messaging, don’t get me wrong. i think it’s so important to have that narrative be told. that messaging is literally part of the reason why my friend and i got so emotional when we watched it lmao. i literally started thinking about the scene where owen/isabel tackles maddie/tara on the football field and runs away right before they go through with their plan at the dinner table yesterday and almost cried. how owen/isabel was so close but got too scared and ran away. that happens so much with trans people, myself included, and it just… ugh, it hit home so hard

but so much of it also reminds me of how it feels to deal with maladaptive daydreaming. how owen/isabel wants so badly to run away into the world of “the pink opaque” and be someone else, be someone he wants to be rather than what real life dictates he SHOULD be. when maddie/tara talks about time and reality feeling different and wrong when she’s in this world but feeling better or “normal” when she’s in the world of “the pink opaque”. the image of owen/isabel literally sticking his/her head into the tv screen, so close to that fantasy world, before being pulled away and forced back to this reality sticks with me to this very moment

you want to live in, and stay in, the worlds in your head so badly with MADD. i know i have an issue trying to be present and be a part of reality when the worlds in my head make me feel so much better. i have so much of an issue trying to be there for the people around me and focus on what’s happening but the second i start getting overwhelmed or just have time alone for myself, im right back into the worlds in my head and i would much rather stay there because it feels safer. i feel some semblance of control, of being someone worthwhile. the exact same way maddie/tara would rather be in, and stay in, “the pink opaque” world

that in itself is a coping mechanism for stress! a coping mechanism the stress owen/isabel finds himself/herself in when trying to be who he/she is in a world that doesn’t want him/her to be! the stress from the fear of wanting to come out and be yourself but being forced to conform to what the rest of the world wants! it’s all intertwined! and i love it! this movie just gets better the more i think about it!!

and i love that even though it doesn’t have a happy ending, there’s still a twinge of hope. because there is still time for owen/isabel, just like the chalk on the street says. there are plenty of people who transition later in life. though owen/isabel is struggling badly at the end of the movie, he/she still has time to be who he/she wants to be. who he/she is. it’s not too late. it might be bad at the moment for him/her, but it’s not too late

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[rodolfoparras]

Since everyone is talking about their cod ocs, I wanna join (this is so long, I'm so sorry)

So basically my little guy is autistic and trans (I'm projecting) and a huge mamas boy. His name is Everett (I just realized I NEVER gave him a last name😭) and his callsign is Rabbit and he's an Alaskan native (I'm pretty sure this is what they prefer to be called because they don't fuck with being called americans and shit? I'm not 100%)

His ma picked out Everett by force, she was like "?? I'm literally your mother, I'm picking your name" and he was so worried she'd pick something awful, turns out!

(side note, I love rabbits and use them for symbolism a lot. They represent rebirth, so I use them in trans related pieces. I did an art piece of myself pulling a rabbit out of a hat with a bunch of rebirth symbolism and shit, love the piece, may send it here to show it off)

But his callsign comes from being a rabbit hunter growing up and his ability to blend in, he specializes in undercover operations and stealth missions. (Some hares, like a snowshoe, change coats in the season to blend in from predators)

He's voluntarily mute most of the time and does not do expressions very well. Most of his childhood photos are him just 🧍‍♂️😶, gotta be reeaall close with him to have a convo with him

Because he's so quiet, he hears sooo much shit and does like weekly shit talking sessions with Ghost and Roach in their barracks. No body understands how he knows so much because fucking no one talks to him and turns out the rodents are stalking the base and listening in on conversations

Idc how overused masks are, they're so fun. He wears one at home (and at work) because he's got a huge family with lots of little kids, and he's scared of scaring them and doesn't want to "traumatize" his nieces and nephews with his scars on his face and body. Everett misses out on a LOT of family events even though he really wants to go and misses them so much because he's scared

He carries and makes a lot of rabbits feet charms because he firmly believes in their ability to bless you with good luck. He does the metal work himself and personalizes them and gives them off to people he truly cares about.

Everett believes it because his ma said so (duh) and because he narrowly missed a bullet that took a chunk of his ear inside of blowing his brains up while he carried one, so all his favorites get one to protect them.

Later in life, he wound up too close to a bomb and a piece of shrapnel went straight into his face and blinds him in one eye

He was so utterly devastated when he got medically discharged and was scared of totally losing his sight and never being able to communicate with Roach again

I'm a firm believer in polycule 141 so it just becomes scarier when Johnny starts losing his hearing from all the explosives and shit and so many of them experience wear and tear in this hand joints from working with guns

Gonna copy and paste my polycule 141 disability headcanons that I've talked about with my bf

"Ghost's got horrible horrible nightmares and sometimes will react in his sleep. Night terrors or physically reacting, but that one's very rare."

"Price definitely gets respiratory issues, half because of his cigars, and half from breathing shit in before he could get a mask on. Probably gets asthma the older he gets."

"Roach gets chronic migraines. They're basically debilitating, can't get out of bed for days and keeps all light out of his room. Takes meds for it that usually work."

"Most of them have joint issues. Half of them creak and groan like a fucking million year old house on its last leg."

"Gaz gets degenerative arthritis. I think he'd be in the force the longest and since he was the youngest to join SAS, he probably overworked himself beyond belief when he had joined. Wore him down fs"

With Johnny being hard of hearing:

"I don't if he'd be able to get hearing aids, his cochlea probably too damaged so that if he did get cochlear implants or something, they probably wouldn't do much but piss him off. Because sometimes if you get cochlears, they just make an annoying noise. So he'd just wind up pissy over it so he'd probably opt not to get them - (also the surgery is invasive and obviously doesn't work sometimes depending on person)

-141 would have to install flashing light systems through the house to alert Soap and half of em probably walk heavier to warn Soap so they don't scare him"

Since he grew up in Alaska, he was very used to it being day or night for weeks or months, sometimes finds it a little jarring when he sees the sun actually setting and the moon coming up or vise versa.

One time, after a really shit mission, he woke up in the hospital to see it was nighttime when he distinctly remembers it being day the last time he was awake. And it's like "OH SHIT HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN OUT FOR." nearly sends himself into a panic thinking he'd just woken up from a fucking coma.

Shit there's so much more I could say but this is already so long, I'm so sorry 😭😭😭 I was so hyper fixated on him for a good few months with my bf

-🐧

Wait the fact that she picked the name is kinda cute and that the reason behind it was bc she’s the mom here idk it’s nice when parents are properly involved in their kids life

Also I’ll forever love yalls background story for your call names bc they’re always so thought out and so interesting genuinely y’all are so creative 🥹

I love that he has shit talking sessions with ghost and roach bc I absolutely think they’d get along well soap info dumps sm gaz overshares and price uses Everett to complain so he knows sm and randomly shares the info😭

Does his mask look something akin to a rabbit or does it represent rabbits in any way? Also now I’m imagining him walking around on base all excited about handing out charms😭 oh my goodness imagine each charm having something that represents the members that wears it?

Oh man although it’s sad he went blind in one eye I can imagine he’d lock sick in a prosthetic eye!!

Also I like how the disability hc actually makes sense especially prices and soaps but especially prices bc I know that man has coughing fits and snores horribly and you can hear a certain rasps in his voice when he talks 😭

And I love them being a polycule and taking care of each other in this way 🥹 like I know this is what you do in healthy relationships but idk it’s sweet ? Like price giving gaz massages bc his wrists hurt a lot? 🥹

Also don’t apologize sugar it’s okay!! It was a really interesting read genuinely I wish I had the ability to create ocs but not just ocs-, but ocs that have so much depth and backstory it’s absolutely amazing that y’all have this ability!

[sirwow]

As I’m currently resting my wrist from drawing and I’m still thinking out more detailed story beats for WC I thought I’d just do some random rambling about my Pikmin au that won’t be very organized lol. Also adding a cut here as not to flood anyone’s unfortunate timeline

First off since I imagine I’ll get asked this someone someday, a small list of all the local losers preferences.

Olimar - Straight Cis. Doesn’t really get anything outside his bubble but is supportive regardless.

Louie - AroAce Cis (also has the tism). His only love is food.

Alph - GayDemi Cis. Likes love but not actively looking for it.

Brittany - GayDemi Cis. Her and Alph always laugh about the fact people think they’re dating just because they show physical affection to one another sometimes.

Charlie - Bi Cis. Koppite crew is literally the LGB.

Pom - Straight trans. You are not safe from Pingo propaganda.

Terry - Bi Cis. Probably doesn’t even know what being bi is and just thinks he has to make up his mind.

Penelope - Pan cis. Olimars shock when he found out when they were dating that she found girls cute too.

Zack - Pan trans. Saw he had 13 brothers and said wouldn't it be funny to have another.

Yorke - Straight cis. The most gay looking straight guy.

Nelle - Straight cis. to yorke "i hate you sm. wanna kiss"

Dobbs - Gay cis. Charlie and Dobbs are the local toxic yaoi so sorre

Shepherd - AroBi cis. the only dates that exist are DOG PARK dates.

Collin - BiDemi cis. Currently married to coffee and 4 hours of sleep

Russ - Straight cis. Probably does have a wife but no kids

Yonny - AroAce non-binary (F to NB) masculine presenting. Galaxy record for being the first person to survive giving top surgery to himself.

Dingo - Straight cis. Yonny makes fun of his failure of flirting.

Bernard - AceBi cis. He will never realize hes being flirted with at any point in time.

Now thats done, some more stuff about just some general relationships people have with each other. Olimar and Louie when Louie first joined HF were pretty neutral about each other even after 4 but after 2 and deeply apologizing for leaving him behind scared, Louie and Olimar got much friendlier with each other. They started carpooling and even spending some time outside of work together. While Terry thinks Louie is cool if a bit strange sometimes, Lebe is rather more skeptical and scared of him. Penelope worries he might be a bad influence but can't help but worry about Louie as much as Olimar does when Oli vents to her about Louie.

Alph and Brittany are best friends but their relationship isnt the most balanced at times. Brittany is quite quick to getting emotional and blaming others for things. Alph tries not to hold it against her too much given hes aware of her issues and why she is like that in the first place but it can rub off on his timid nature. Though he admired Charlie all through 3, Brittany's negative comments eventually changed Alph's perception on Charlie to just being someone he works with.

Now some of my own world building brain rot wo! a time system, joy. I was just thinking about how do people keep time between every other planet so i propose: Galactic time. Galactic time is not based off anything but purely numbers. 1 "day" is 20 hours long and there is no PM or AM. Its based of a single founding clock that all the other galactic clocks follow now and is usually exclusively used for interstellar work and jobs or meeting up on different planets. The galactic months are all 25 days long with only 10 of them. a galactic week is 5 days long and though i don't have names at the moment the months and days also have different names as not to get confused with any planet names or calendars they might have.

thank you if you've read my ramblings this far. have louie drinking paint

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

Its your tumblr man. talk about nova if you want!

I don’t have the time to explain the entirety of the shadow the hedgehog arc but it’s eating my brain like. he and shadow are both created beings who feel aimless and confused but nova knows why he was created while shadow doesn't. and bc nova is metal sonic he knows shadow's past so he kind of ends up becoming a mentor to him bc he relates (though he’s a manipulative amoral shit so he is not upfront about anything, except that shadow is not a robot bc that gives him an excuse to kick him as hard as possible and then gloat about how if he were truly a robot he wouldn’t be able to feel the pain and therefore he’s inferior). neither of them know what morality is and they stumble through most of the haphazard plot points in one way or another trying to figure it out. he flat out just ditches shadow when black doom shows up for last story bc he fundamentally cares more about defeating sonic than literally everything else and if sonic is eaten alive he can’t do that so he saves his life. he accidentally ends up in a qpr with him bc sonic (not entirely incorrectly) assumes that “i will keep you safe until you have reached your full potential and i have mine, then i will prove my superiority and kill you and relish in it, but until then i feel satisfied in existing around you and i will continue on your legacy after i kill you” is essentially the closest thing he can get to a confession and being both very aroace and an adrenaline junkie sees “close friendship until one of us kills the other” as way more fun than, like, anything anyone sensible would consider a qpr. he adopts a chao. when he realises trans people exist he immediately goes “okay. i will beat everyone at every gender” and starts using any/all pronouns bc they should rightly belong to him. she goes to therapy.

06 isnt entirely planned but i do know how it ends (mephiles killing sonic was the exact best way to piss off nova and bc he is metal sonic's sonic oc rp character and he has all the power he has in heroes and more solaris fucking dies painfully. also they absorb his power which would be terrifying if they were still trying to conquer the world but instead they’re using their irl amino rp to cope with their issues marginally better) and unleashed onwards is mostly just a collection of ideas. the main plots still happen bc like, nova does like larping as a organic normal hedgehog but he fundamentally views the world through the lens of his ultimate showdown with sonic and proving his superiority being the only thing that matters and he Wants sonic to go through adversity to grow stronger as he also grows stronger by. mostly just pirating the dna of various gods honestly. but she also will Not tolerate anyone killing sonic but herself (and in general will Not tolerate anyone killing sonics friends or her father bc she considers them + sonic the only tolerable organics even if she considers everyone but sonic as inferior to herself) so. forces is fun. and also there’s a reason for the metal sonic illusion to be a thing (bc metal left the nest and is pretty apathetic to the whole “taking over the world” thing outside of it letting it commit grievous bodily harm)

there’s originally a much starker divide between nova (as metal sonics own deviantart recolour) and neo metal sonic as himself but by the time sonic and friends know who he is and don’t immediately reject him for that or the inherent fact he's got a very different and oftentimes confusing mindset and way of thinking than them he's very casual at slipping between the two and uses both names interchangeably. he generally prefers his organic disguise, bc he can go outside with it, but uses his original voice (which is monotone sonic with electronic distortion) and usually turns off the systems he made so he automatically moves and emotes in a more natural manner bc he finds emulating stuff like breathing or crying uncomfortable and disgusting even if he’s able to tolerate looking organic.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Hey so I was the one who gave this ask but erm I actually meant Non-binary Yata & Asexual Yata, like yata not having a gender and not liking sex when I said 'Sarumi AU' I didn't mean Non-binary Fushimi, I just said Sarumi au because I know you also get Misaru asks and I'm not a huge fan of that dynamic so I put Sarumi AU, but never meant it as Non-binary Fushimi & Asexual Yata. (I'm hoping this didn't sound rude or anything)

Aaaaahhh sorry anon, that one was my fault ;; I have no idea how but my brain thought that ask read ‘non-binary Fushimi and asexual Yata’ and I don’t know why, I had to go double check after I got this one and was like ‘how did I even miss that?’. So! Since this one was my fault I’m gonna answer this one out of order so you still get your place in the queue properly. Non-binary Yata is interesting, I feel like Yata is a fun character to explore with different identities because canon indicates he’s not really good with computers or online a lot and I think especially as a kid he would have less exposure to different identities so I see him struggling a lot with a thing he knows but can’t vocalize (also again, just using ‘he’ for convenience sake. I could see Yata going for more of a ‘he/them’ pronouns, though on that end it’s much easier to use non-gendered language in Japanese so he might not even really need to ‘pick’ a pronoun, everyone just uses neutral language for him).  In this case I could see that actually being part of why he has all these masculinity issues, because he’s increasingly aware that he doesn’t really feel like a guy and he’s desperately trying to hide it, overcompensating by trying his hardest to be aggressively manly so no one thinks he’s weird. I could see his only exposure to trans people being like unfortunate comedic stereotypes on TV so any idea that he could be a girl also doesn’t work for him (and then at the same time even without those stereotypes he doesn’t feel like a girl either, he just thinks that if he’s not a guy then girl is the only option and he rebels aggressively against the idea).

It’s in meeting Fushimi that Yata really starts to realize who he is, imagine Fushimi not only being supportive of Yata but also the one who kinda realizes what’s going on. Fushimi can be perceptive when he wants to be (and especially in situations where he himself isn’t directly involved) so I could see some time shortly after they’ve become friends when Yata’s putting on a show of masculinity and Fushimi clicks his tongue and calls Yata annoying. Yata’s a little hurt by that and Fushimi says it’s annoying, when Yata keeps putting on this fake show that Yata himself doesn’t even believe, how bothersome. Yata realizes that Fushimi’s seen through the whole thing and imagine him kindly nervously admitting it, that he doesn’t feel like a man. He quickly adds that he’s not a girl though and Fushimi scoffs: ‘why do you have to choose one or the other? Idiot.’ Up until this moment Yata’s never even thought about that, that he doesn’t have to make a binary choice, and this is really one of the big moments where I could see him just falling for Fushimi all over again because Saruhiko is that amazing, finding the answer to the question Yata’s been struggling with for most of his life.

So then post-ROK Yata has a whole new crisis with realizing that it’s not just that he’s a virgin, or nervous about sex, it’s that he’s simply…not interested in it. I could see this bringing back his old worries from before he realized that he was non-binary, like maybe this is another thing that’s weird or wrong about him and he doesn’t like this because he thought he was finally comfortable with himself. Imagine he tries to force himself to ignore these feelings though, because he does love Saruhiko and he doesn’t want Fushimi to think Yata isn’t attracted to him or anything. But then when things start getting hot and heavy Fushimi suddenly pulls away from Yata with a tongue click. Yata asks what’s wrong and Fushimi coldly says if Yata was going to fake it he should just say so. Yata tries to argue but Fushimi’s already getting dressed and leaving.

Afterward Yata’s really upset, feeling like this is his fault for being weird (and also aware that Fushimi absolutely thinks that Yata’s issues were because there’s something about him, not that Yata doesn’t care for sex in general). This would probably turn into one of those ‘Kusanagi/Homra alphabet teach Yata what asexuality is’ moments, and Yata is again amazed because there are all these things about himself that other people have felt too and it’s kinda cool, realizing that there’s a word for what you feel. I also think it would help him a lot to learn that asexual people can still have and even enjoy sex, it’s just that it’s not something he actively desires. I like the idea that someone tips Fushimi off about this conversation too so when Yata gets back to his apartment later Fushimi is there being all awkward and trying to avoid apologizing but looking like he wants to. Yata feels this rush of relief that Saruhiko still came back after all and they get to sit and have this talk, imagine Fushimi being like didn’t I already have this with you when we were in middle school. Yata’s like yeah but that one was different, smiling as he says even if he isn’t interested in sex himself that doesn’t mean he hates it or anything, maybe just take it slow, and that Fushimi’s gonna need to learn to be honest if that’s what he wants from Yata because Yata doesn’t want Fushimi to think that Yata doesn’t care just because Yata’s way of expressing love is different.

[vaugarde]

give me uhhhhhhh 3, 6, and 8 for Marlow, Felicity, and Aisling for the pride ask game!

Answering all three for each under the cut <3

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Marlow: New choice, but I'm thinking he figured out their identity through Felicity when he was still training with Team Spark. Like Felicity was talking about when everything finally clicked for her, that she wanted to be a girl but felt she was held back because "well just because I look feminine doesn't mean I AM feminine, so wouldn't it be a lie? And then I realized it didn't matter because either way I felt like a girl". And that like. activates something in Marlow's brain because he was like. I. Is that not normal. I'm not sure what their bi awakening would've been though. I'm pretty sure that would've been a thing Marlow always knew.

Felicity: See above for how, but I'm thinking she realized she was a girl when she was a preteen or so? Maybe even younger, since she'd have been pondering it as a kid after learning about Baxtor and Wyle being trans. She never really felt comfortable with masculine terms though, but then again she didn't feel feminine either. I'm thinking she was a little lost on how she felt exactly and identified as nonbinary and then cis and then back until she realized she was a trans girl.

Aisling: Always knew she was a lesbian, she wears her heart on her sleeves and she's had too many crushes to count. She realized she was ace later though, probably when her peers started talking about sex and stuff and she felt ambivalent

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

Marlow: I think he likes knowing exactly what they are, so they do like labels for himself and in general.

Felicity: Probably more ambivalent about it towards others, but cares a lot more for her own. She likes having a name for what she is.

Aisling: I think she's more ambivalent to labels. Like she knows exactly what her preferences are but doesn't really think about the preference itself too hard. Doesn't care about anyone else's.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Marlow: Can't really see much for him! I think both their journeys went pretty smoothly all things considered.

Felicity: I think she took a long time to really figure out who she was. Like I said, she changed labels a lot before she realized she was a girl. I don't think there was any pushback, it was just about her internal struggle. Now that I think about it, it likely played a part in her general identity issues where she feels like she's responsible for a tribe and culture that no longer exists, yet she barely has any connection to, and her insecurity over her "failure" to use aura properly. I'm also thinking her aura might not reflect her gender because it's not able to do much at all, so she had to use more traditional methods to transition, which likely contributed to her "impostor syndrome" about it I suppose? "well maybe it's like my evolution. maybe my body is rejecting the change because i'm not worth it." :(

Aisling: If you can count being bitchless as struggling with her lesbianism than sure

[ozziesjester]

I love your South Park si so much I would love to know more about him (this is also a reason to talk about South Park bc I know sweet fuck all besides what I played of fractured but whole which was not a whole lot)

OH I WOULD LOVE TO INFODUMP ABOUT HIM lemme put this under a readmore incase it gets long

ok ok so. he's based loosely off the new kid in the fractured but whole. charlie and his parents lived in denver before his mother died. his father fell into a deep depression and decided moving away from the memories of her would be the best route. also he became an alcoholic and stopped taking care of himself and all that. worth noting as well that charlie is a carbon copy of his mother, which led to a lot of...... complicated.... feelings from his father toward him

charlie was diagnosed with autism around 5 years old when he never started talking, so he was homeschooled up until moving to south park. his dad figured he could socialize with kids his age and get him out of the house for 8 hours a day so, win win LMAO

ofc around this time charlie doesn't know he's trans (or really what transgender is, he is very sheltered), and he tries hanging around the other girls but they don't really. Get him. everyone keeps trying to make him talk and try to put makeup on his face and he hates how it feels so he stops.

the Guys, though? they seem cool. they're playing outside in the dirt with silly costumes on, and charlie wants to be a part of it! he starts hanging around the back during their games, sort of trailing behind them because he wants to Belong somewhere.

i don't really consider him Part of the main group of guys? honestly, i think he's closest with butters and kenny. kenny likely told him what transgender is and got everyone to start referring to him as charlie, even if most the time they just call him soup. not like he can really object to it, plus they like him enough to give him a nickname so it's Fine

...honestly i'm kind of stream of consciousness-ing here so i'm gonna write if i think the boys would respect soup's identity

stan: was confused, didn't know what transgender was. asked his dad what it meant and got "the liberals are transing the kids" lectured by randy, so he decided he was fine with it to spite him kyle: is transgender. yes kenny: he's fine with it if soup shows him his boobs eric: ....i'm conflicted. i think Yes but only because he thinks it'd be unfair to be a huge dick to a girl, so he can be mean to soup because he's a boy

OKAY RIGHT ANYWAY. i don't have a specific character i ship soup with... i think he's kinda passed around the group because he goes along with anything. it's Stan's Turn to watch the resident autistic kid. he hangs out at stan's house a lot actually. randy is drinking buddies with soup's dad so he sleeps over sometimes

soup's dad is also friends with mrs. cartman, the two are so amazed that their children get along so well. papa campbell remarks that charlotte's always had such trouble making friends, and liane laments her poor eric has the same issue. meanwhile upstairs cartman is convincing soup to sit still so he can give him a lobotomy

soup is just so happy to make friends. he doesn't really care that they're all a bunch of douchebags that nearly get him killed on a weekly basis, he likes being around them. i think he likes kenny the most... randy likes HIM but the feeling is. probably not mutual

thank you so much for the chance to dump soup lore oh my god this shit has been festering in my brain for years ily if you read all this muah <3

[self-winding]

Recently, I’ve been hearing Rachel Dolezal mentioned again in relation to identity issues.

I’m actually pretty sympathetic to the concept of transracialism, I think she is just a uniquely bad poster child for it because her identity seems so bound up in “political” blackness and the need to feel oppressed. 

But if you accept that race is a social and cultural construct rather than an immutable physical reality which flows out of biological ancestry, the idea that someone’s race can be negotiable and at least partly based on their social/cultural reality, rather than purely on ancestry, seems pretty straightforward.

I don’t remember the dude’s name but I remember reading an article about a musician with Eastern European ancestry who was fairly dark-skinned and had grown up in a predominantly black community.  Even though none of his ancestors were from Africa, he was perceived as black and saw himself as black.  And that’s not even going into mixed-race people who can pass as either/or.  Even more so than sex or gender, racial categories are very fuzzily defined and porous.

I guess (to state the obvious) the more controversial aspects of “transracialism” come in when people whose natural appearance is more stereotypically white start modifying that appearance to look more black, as Dolezal did.  I will admit that this is more viscerally uncomfortable to me than an AMAB person wanting to present in a very feminine way, and of course there’s the association with blackface performances, but gut feelings are just gut feelings.  Every attempted argument I’ve seen for why these things are different takes one of two tactics:

1.  Transmedicalism; “it’s different because being transgender is a diagnosable medical condition, and transracialism is not.  There’s currently no body of research to support the idea.”  The obvious drawback to this is that a lot of trans people also don’t buy into the transmedicalist framework and consider it pretty limiting.  There are large numbers of trans people it excludes.

2.  Authenticity-by-oppression.  Trans women “catch up” to cis women pretty quickly in terms of the types of discrimination they experience, and might even outpace them, whereas a Rachel Dolezal probably doesn’t experience the same degree of discrimination as someone who naturally looks very black.  There are obvious issues with this framing as well, in that it treats the “realness” of someone’s identity as purely defined by oppression.  If trans women stop being oppressed do they stop being “real women”?

So, does this mean I think Dolezal is “valid”?  I mean, there’s plenty about her as a person that I find objectionable.  But just asking, “Is Dolezal ‘really’ black?” implicitly buys into the idea that “black” is an immutable metaphysical category.  Scientifically, it’s not.  Socially and culturally, it is (at the very least) kind of hard to define in any rigid way, so we’re reduced to a kind of “I know it when I see it, and that’s not it” way of thinking, but that way of thinking has plenty of obvious pitfalls.  My brain still has trouble accepting that a tomato is a fruit and that Pluto is not a planet.

If I allow myself to play devil’s advocate to myself:  Yes, I do subscribe to the common sense definition that if you’re going to call yourself black you should have at least a little African ancestry, but how much is “a little”?  I mean, technically we all have African ancestry.  Also I know jack shit about how DNA works, beyond what I learned in my high school biology classes.  All right, so if you’re going to call yourself black, you should be able to pass as black without modifying your appearance too much...but what is “too much”?  Do dreads count, does a perm count, does a tan count?  Well, you can do what you like with your appearance as long as your primary motive isn’t to appear black...but okay, now we’re talking about subjective, wobbly stuff like motive and it’s getting very tricky.

Idk man.