#Thinks about the fed workers starts bawling

[terezicaptor]

Thinking about the fact that the fed workers are polar bears. Do you think they love water and swimming, also do you think they loved when the island was snowy and hate the usual infinite summer

I THINK THEY DO I THINK THEY DOOOO

Do u think maybe rn the feds are letting the seasons cycle and doing quick runthrus of weather cycles and seasons to test their power over the island... and the workers are all curled up in the snow during the winter tests and having snowball fights and doing big cuddle piles..... do u think ..

Imagining fred swimming in the catfish pond near tubchunk catching up as many catfish as they can and sharing it with their team... Imagining tubbo being there too.. like it was a family dinner....

Not that they have any particular attachment to their team in any familial sense or anything!!!!! haha they're not human that'd be craaaazzzyyy. Haha. ..

But what if........

[funtimebunnyblog]

How do you think the pillar men would react to a s/o who’s pretty innocent and a loveable ray of sunshine? Just the sweetest soul ever. Never having any ill intentions towards anyone ever, even if they’re mean to her. S/o has a lot of empathy and is just Disney princess level of kindness and nurturing. Sorry if that’s specific. I just always love the trope for couple that are opposites attract.

Did you mean: H O L L Y K U J O ???

Holly: Jotaro, make sure you eat all your vegetables 🥰 Jotaro: *is about to tell her to F*** off* All 4 of his new Pillarmen step-dads: 😡😡😡😡 Jotaro: *sweating* Yes Mom... 😰

I agree, dear Anon, I'm a bit of a sucker for big intimidating Pillarmen with a sweet little mate ❤❤❤ I'm even more of a sucker for writing it! 🥰😇😘 Please enjoy!

The Pillarmen (separate) with a sweet and nurturing s/o...

(Under the cut for length!)

Kars:

• From the moment he first met you, your kindness was baffling to Kars.

• Even before you two had begun a proper relationship, he took notice that you were always dotting on him.

• Sometimes when he was up in his study, spending hours at his desk as he worked away at piles of paperwork, you would pop in to check up on him every so often with a mug of tea for him in hand; brewed hot and black with no sugar, just the way he liked it.

• Somehow you just always knew what he liked and how he liked it.

• You often brung along a comfortable blanket to drape over his shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to his temple as you asked him if he needed anything else and encouraged him to take a break if and when he needed it.

• Nothing prompted you do do these things, he never once asked you for anything really, but it seemed as if you went out of your way to show a little kindness every time.

• Kars knew himself to be a cold creature but you were a person who made his frosty heart thaw with the warmth you radiated.

• As a man who considered nature precious life, he found himself admiring how unbelievably good you were with Animals.

• In fact, they just seemed to flock to you!

• Once, when you both went to an Animal shelter to look for a pet to adopt, Kars turned his back for only a minute and came back to find that you had somehow coaxed the meanest and mangiest old cat there into your lap.

• The shelter workers stood there absolutely gobsmacked as they watched the animal, that had scratched and hissed at and bitten anyone and everyone who had even dared to come near it, cuddling in your arms and purring like a kitten.

• "Aren't you just the sweetest thing?~" You giggled, lovingly running a hand on the cats bristly old fur as it rumbled contently, its purr was like a running motor. "What a pretty kitty you are!"

• Kars could only smile softly to himself as you both left the shelter that day with the mean old cat you were still lovingly cradling in your arms.

• He had to admit, even though he was thousands of years old and an Ultimate lifeform; you somehow felt like you were much higher above him, like a benevolent and virtuous Queen.

Esidisi:

• Your sweet and motherly nature was the very first thing to make Esidisi absolutely head over heals for you.

• There were times you made his heart swell to the point of it hurting when he watched you waltz around the house, singing a happy tune as you did chores or cooked.

• Even though you knew he didn't necessarily need to eat, you always questioned if he was hungry and offered to make him food.

• And it was always delicious homemade food at that!

• You absolutely brought life to every room you passed through and it pulsed through everything you made.

• It was as if everything you touched left behind a little magic in his eyes.

• Once, when you two were still in the stages of getting to know one another, you happened to witness him have one of his crying fits for the first time.

• Esidisi had been very stressed that day and of course, it all overwhelmed him and came out in a flood of tears.

• Immediately, you dropped the laundry you were folding the second you heard him start to sob from the other room and ran to see what was going on.

• "Oh my goodness, what happened?" You questioned, coming towards him quickly.

• Even through his barrage of tears, he didn't miss the genuine concern in your voice and the worry etched into your face as you lowered yourself on your knees in front of him, taking his tearstreaked face gently into your hands.

• "Do you need a hug? We can hug!" You told him, opening your arms to him with no hesitation whatsoever as he struggled to get an explanation out through his bawling.

• The way you rubbed his back, crooning for him to take deep breaths, was something that would stay with him forever as usually people tended to just stand back and gawk at him when he was having a meltdown.

• You hardly even knew him and there you were, comforting him and letting him cry all over you as if you had known him your whole life!

• Each time he spent his evenings with his arms wrapped around you as you cooked supper, both of you singing, he was honestly starting to think he had fallen in love with a Goddess in disguise.

Wamuu:

• You were the only person in the world who could make Wamuu, the greatest and fiercest warrior who ever lived, turn into a shy and blushing mess.

• The way you gently touched his arm and smiled up into his face as you spoke to him, asking him if he was hungry or tired after a long day of training, never failed to make this hardened Pillarman turn to mush.

• Your voice was like music to his ears, as if your words always held a secret song.

• When you did things for him, no matter how small on your part, he could always tell it was done purely out of love.

• "I thought you would get cold going out this time of year, so I made you a scarf and mittens!" You said with a smile, presenting him with the hand-knitted treasures one cold winters day when he was getting ready to leave the house.

• Wamuu was never a person to wear clothes at all. In fact, he would never be cold or hot or uncomfortable in any climate in the slightest being an Ultimate lifeform.

• But still, he stared at the folded scarf and mitts with wide eyes, holding them in his hands like one would a baby bird.

• He had seen you knitting on the couch these past few nights, smiling softly to yourself as you hummed and put love in every stitch. He had honestly thought nothing of it at the time but now it all made sense.

• You had spent all your free time making these... just for him?

• From that moment on, whenever he and the other Pillarmen went outside in the snow (doing God-knows-what), you can bet that he was wearing that scarf and mittens.

• With nothing else but his loincloth, of course.

• When the others questioned him as to why he was wearing such ridiculous attire when he had no need for them, he simply stood there with his head held high; his scarf swaying in the wind as he clenched his mittened hands into fists at his sides.

• "With all due respect my Masters; my beloved bride made these for me." He said calmly, the corners of his lips quirking into a soft smile as their expressions morphed into ones of disbelief. "And believe me when I say that I cherish them as much as I cherish her."

• The warrior actually felt a little boost in his pride seeing the little gleam of jealousy in his companions' eyes at his words.

• It only fed his little ego more when he showed up one day with a new knitted hat with a fuzzy pom-pom on top and Esidisi actually cried and asked if you could make one for him too.

Santana:

• Santana had always rightfully believed that all Humans were the same; loud, annoying, primitive, cruel, dangerous...

• That was until he fell in love with you of course.

• You were a kind of Human he wasn't aware existed, a very soft and loving kind.

• You just seemed to radiate feelings that touched his very soul; like a bouncy ball of sunshine.

• If anyone had ever done something even borderline disrespectful to Santana, he wouldn't put hesitate them in their rightful place (in his stomach that was) but you on the other hand; you always brushed any rude behavior from another off with a smile.

• Always curious, Santana often found himself hanging around in the background, watching you carry out your housework routine.

• You didn't mind this of course, you always assured him that you liked his company.

• Sometimes you even lovingly referred to him as your shadow.

• "Would you like to help, Santana sweetie?" You asked him with a smile as you peered over your shoulder; you were rolling out and cutting homemade cookie dough to bake.

• He noticed you were always so patient, praising him for the littlest things; guiding his hands with the rolling pin, showing him how to flour the cutter and carefully peel away the outline of the shapes.

• "A star for my star," you beamed, holding up a warm star shaped sugar cookie for him to take when you had pulled them from the oven.

• He blinked as you waved the freshly baked cookie in his face, taking it carefully.

• A little smile curled around the pastry when you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, thanking him for his help.

• You and only you could make him feel tingles from the insides out.

• One of his most favourite routines with you was when you sat on the couch on your phone or watching T.V at night; where you'd invite him to lay his head in your lap.

• Your melodic voice could only be compared to a Princess', your little fingers combing out the tangles of his thick red hair as you hummed to him or talked to him about his day before he was lulled to sleep by it all.

• Your sweetness, your warmth, your empathy; it gave him a hope for Humanity he never had before he met you...

[iris-westallen1]

The Happiest Day Of Our Life

‘’Well today was the worst day ever’’ iris said as she dove right on the couch. Barry just sat there staring at his beautiful wife so mesmerized he didn’t even realize she was talking to him but he couldn’t help it he was married to the most gorgeous woman on the planet he still doesn’t know how he got this lucky to have her in his life… ‘’ BARRY!!’’ he was immediately withdrawn from his thought blushing and rubbing his neck a habit he had formed since he was little.    ‘’ are you even listening to me’’ iris said with a slightly annoyed face mixed with concern.

‘’ sorry honey but it’s your fault I wasn’t paying attention’’ Barry cheekily replied.

‘Look at him looking so smug with that cocky smile ugh I could just slap him and fuck him at the same time, gosh why is he so hot making my ovaries explode’’ iris thought to herself.

‘’ you know honey cocky is not a good look on you’’ said a smiling iris

‘’oh, you love it and me’’

‘’ well, I supposed that is true’’ iris slaps his knee as she get’s up from where she was laying on the couch to come snuggle into Barry’s side ‘’ hmmm I missed you today’’ iris said as she coos into Barry

‘’ babe I am sorry your day didn’t go as you wanted it to.’’ Barry strokes her arm and side ‘’ do you want to tell me what was going on’’

‘’ I know it might sound petty or whatever but its team citizen if I can even call it that Kamilla’s gone and Allegra she’s never there she’s always at star labs and I get that she ha powers and whatever but I would like her to take her job more seriously and not for her personal gain, I feel bad for what happened to her cousin I seriously geniounly do but the only time you hear her talk about the citizen is if she needs something from us and its making me seriously regret promoting her.’’ Iris took a deep breath she knows how this might sound and it might just be her hormones but she is seriously tired of Allegra’s behavior.

Barry saw how distressed his wife was about this so he decided not to say anything until she has gotten it all out her chest.

After taking a deep breath iris continued ‘’ so today I was in the office getting ready to go investigate karma, Kramer whatever the fuck her name is and I find myself missing and employee so I called her just to learn she is hanging around frost and Caitlin for what reason I do not know I’m her mentor not them I’m not paying her to hang out with them and I was just like you know what its fine so I just left her and went about my way to go investigate Kramer in doing that surprise surprise my dad is investigating her with Cecil when I was the one who brought this case to him and he brushed me off like it was nothing. And that’s another thing I am so fed up with my dad.’’ At this point iris is bawling her eyes and all Barry wants to do it take that pain away from her.

‘’ my dad hasn’t been acting like my dad for a while now and it took me getting stuck in a mirror to realize it. You know he never once asked me how I was doing when I came out of the mirror, he just brushed it aside like I wasn’t gone for 3 months he could at least show some emotions.’’ Her voice was cracking at this point ‘’ h- ho- how I- is it * sniff sniff* that his more of a father to you than he is to meeeeeeee’’ her chest and shoulder moving frantically.

Barry finally goes in soothing her ‘’ I am so so sorry you feel this way, how long have you been holding this in and I didn’t even notice, I am so sorry baby, just let it all out’’ Barry said as he rubs his hands in soothing circles on her back ‘’ just let it out I’m here’’

When she is calm enough she continues ‘’ I just feel so neglected as a daughter by him and Cecil Cecil doesn’t even try to bond with me, she’s been with my dad for so long and I don’t even know anything about her and when we do talk she always uses her powers to invade my privacy and when she does that she can’t even be subtle about it she always has to my extra and do to much’’ by this time iris is finished crying now what she feels is rage towards these people. ‘’ she is literally everywhere when there was still  a team citizen was still a thing she became our ‘lawyer’ and no one even asked her to no offence to her but she suck as a lawyer’’ Barry starts laughing and nodding his head because it the truth. ‘’ I’m serious hahaha but it’s funny though but seriously I don’t even know why we hired her as your lawyer for your trial she couldn’t even win it she had to use ralph pretend to be devoe for her to win and I thought she was the best Caitlin and frost are dumb to hire her as a lawyer she couldn’t even win their case and if she cant win any of our case what is her use at star labs her powers are useless there no offense she could be home with Jenna and speaking of Jenna it sucks that we never see her they never talk about her unless its to say they are talking to their babysitter so instead of her to go take care of her child she’d over here acting like a child and sticking her nose in everyone’s business. I am so sick of her.’’ Barry just sat there looking at iris and after hearing all she said he can’t help but see the truth in what she’s saying, how could he have been so blind to this. As he continues to rub her back iris gathers even more courage to finally let this all off her chest ‘’ after cisco left the one person at star labs besides you I could stand was gone he was my sunshine twin he would always try to cheer me up when we lost Nora and even when I lost you to the speed force he was always there for me and I miss him and I miss Kamilla because she understood me we where becoming close friends before we got stuck in the mirror together and now we have an unbreakable bond because of that experience and now she’s gone too not only did I lose my best worker but I lost my best friend too. All of a sudden Iris seemed to get angrier Barry didn’t know why but his about to.

‘’ Caitlin and frost’’ she said their names with as much annoyance as she could muster up ‘’ they are the biggest entitled people I have ever met before frost was a thing it was the way Caitlin always looked at me like I was beneath her or something like she couldn’t get rid of me fast enough then frost came and bitch tried to kill me because she wanted dick and some other issues I had never did anything to her never spoke to her but all of a sudden she wants to kill me why I have no idea and what pisses me of is the way we just forgive her just because she did the right thing in the end and blasted Savitar she came to h.r funeral and she left to go find herself or whatever you went into the speed force and she abandoned me, Wally, cisco, and dad to fend of the bad guys on our own. Then Caitlin came up in her in her high horse to bring you out of the speed force like she’s been here all along, then she lost frost with the whole devoe thing Caitlin literally put your life and gypsy’s life in danger all because she wanted frost back and despite my better judgment I went up to her during the baby shower we threw for Cecile to offer up my help to find the bitch frost for her and she was just snarky with me saying no she will find her I just gave up on that hoe what still confusing is how she can perform all this surgery’s she’s doing since she hasn’t done them since med school like isn’t she a bio scientist or whatever like how did she become team doctor she literally has no experience in that field all she does is just stitch you up with pretty much all of us can do now and she acts like she has the most important job there dragging Allegra and Cecile along with her.’’ Iris shakes her head ‘’ you know what’s do funny’’ iris asked Barry ‘’ what’’ Barry genuinely curious ‘’ that whole frost trial and how Caitlin was like we have to get her out she’s my sister, since when though, anyways they arrested frost for a crime that she actually committed its not like she didn’t commit them she literally tried to kill me and she wanted her to go Scot free when you went to prison for a crime you actually didn’t commit it just pissed me of and instead of dumb bitch to just take the cure she volunteered her self for life in prison thinking she was doing sum, I might not like Kramer but what she did to frost was not a bad thing she all she did was try to make frost take responsibility for her actions. But she never does like always she literally gets out of prison after like two days.’’

‘’ and another thing that pisses me off is the way they treat Chester that boy is so sweet and deserves to be treated with kindness so that why it irritates and makes me so angry to hear that Caitlin was yelling at him for getting hit even sue warned Allegra not to pursue after her cousin but she did anyways and brought her to star labs without our permission knowing she’s a dangerous criminal when her and Allegra get into it she blast Chester who was just there to bring them snacks and somehow Caitlin made it Chester’s fault? Like how does that even make sense. I am just sick and tired of all of this. I am supposed to be happy right now basking in love with my husband trying to conceive our daughter and we can’t even have the privacy of knowing if were pregnant or not because of Cecile invading your thoughts once again the negative result you got was meant to be shared with me not her and I know this is wrong but I am glad that the test came negative because it would be so unfair of her to know that I am pregnant before I know all because she’s nosy.’’ Iris finally finished her rant with a deep breath, she looks up at Barry and all she finds in his eyes are adoration, understanding, anger, disappointment, and love.

‘’what?’’ iris asked

‘’ you are the strongest person that I know’’ Barry whispers to her ‘’I don’t know how you let this in for this long because one thing I know for sure is that I certainly would have burst long ago.’’

‘’ I am so sorry that you’ve had to keep this all in for this long’’ Barry said caressing her cheeks ‘’ and I’m sorry If you felt like you couldn’t tell me, thank you for bringing it to my attention and after listening to you things need to change for one our personal life needs to stop being discussed at star labs where everyone can hear and the second is that Caitlin needs to not be our doctor and she is certainly not going to be delivering our baby and most importantly we need to set boundaries for Cecile’’

‘’ thank you, babe, for listening to me and letting me get this rant of my chest, I feel so much lighter.’’

‘’ its my job iris there is no need to thank me I will always be on your side ALWAYS.’’

[come-on-shitty-boys]

// fatherhood headcannons //

Characters: Kozume Kenma / Akaashi Keiji / Oikawa Tooru

Request: Heyyy merry xmas (if you celebrate it) can I request kenma fatherhood hcs I saw you other ones before and it was so cute (and maybe him having a daughter )

Warnings: some swearing

Word Count: 1.8K (~550 a piece)

Notes: bokuto with stretch marks. That’s all. That’s the note.

Kozume Kenma:

Oof how to put this nicely . . . 

He was terrible. Absolute t r a s h during the pregnancy.  And it wasn’t on purpose.  He wasn’t just sitting there purposefully dismissing your aches and hormone-induced cries.  Kenma just didn’t know that it was actually a big deal.  He didn’t know that you were genuinely in serious amounts of discomfort.

You would say that your back was hurting and he’d be like, “yeah, mine too.”  Which is v a l i d.  He has videos to edit, so he spends a lot of time hunched over his desk, but you’re also carrying a child. H I S C H I L D so he could stand to be a little more sympathetic.

Morning sickness? He’s not about to be there to hold your hair back.  He’s still fast asleep.  Probably didn’t even know that you weren’t feeling well.  Kenma isn’t a total jerk about it.  He does care about you! I need to make that clear.  He does care.  He’ll ask you if you’re feeling better when you mention that you were sick earlier that day, ask if you need anything from the store, etc etc.

It’s really more or less the fact that he’s going to be a dad in less than nine months hasn’t fully set in??  He knows that you’re pregnant.  He’s been there for the ultrasounds.  He’s heard the heartbeat.  He knows that there will be a baby, but it’s like his brain hasn’t processed that it’s his baby yet.

And it doesn’t fully hit him until you wake him up in the night, hitting his shoulder frantically, saying that something doesn’t feel right and in his sleepy haze he can only think to ask-

“Is the baby okay?”

bitch i don’t know that’s the problem 

But he’s out of bed faster than you are, practically shoving shoes on your feet to get you out the door and into the car. pspsps there was no problem just l a b o r

Kenma didn’t cry when the baby arrived, honestly he didn’t even make any moves to hold his little girl when you offered her out to him.  He was just so in awe?  He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.  She was so tiny and he was so scared that he might break her if he tried to hold her.

It takes him awhile to settle into the whole fatherhood thing, but once he gets it, he gets it.  He becomes some kind of expert multitasker.  He’s got the guys on discord through his headset, heating up formula, daughter strapped to his chest with one of those baby holders, ready to get back to gaming with his little girl right there.

She makes a few guest appearances during his streams, because she’ll start crying, wanting attention or to be fed, which brings him to sitting at his desk, bouncing his baby on his lap, continuing on with his stream like it’s the most normal thing in the world, watching as his chat blows up with people obsessing over how cute his daughter is.

Akaashi Keiji

I’m sure this a shock to everyone, but Akaashi is fucking clueless.  He was an only child and his best friend is the youngest?  He never really had to think about babies before.

He tries to research, but he gets so caught up in, ‘Is this a credible source? Can I trust what they’re telling me?’ that he learns absolutely nothing.  Like he knows all of the actual science behind what’s happening, but he has no idea how to take care of a baby.  What kind of diapers are the best?  Should you breastfeed or would formula be the better option?  How quickly should you be trying to teach them things like speech or walking?

Lucky for Akaashi, when his female co-workers, especially the ones who were mothers themselves, found out the exciting news that Akaashi was expecting a baby with you they were giving him every piece of advice under the sun.  “You need to establish a sleep routine!  It’ll take a while, but the baby will get it eventually!” “I know they say that you shouldn’t run to your baby every single time they cry, but that’s actually really harmful for their psyche in the long run.” “Make sure to play lots of classical music, especially early on.  It helps with development!”

When it comes to you, he’s pretty hit or miss?  He’s observant! Absolutely! But, he’s not really sure how to help you when you’re feeling insecure about your body or scared that you’re not going to be a good parent.  He can tell you that you’re beautiful or that everything will be okay, but it never fails to make the situation worse because, “You’re my husband.  You have to say that.”

The hormones.  They do be throwing hands with him smh

Akaashi spent the entire last two months of your pregnancy baby proofing the entire house.  If you wanted a glass of milk, it took you nearly 10 minutes.  You know he means well, but he definitely went a little overboard.

He used to give your forehead a kiss every morning before he left for work, but now Keiji will lean in to kiss your forehead before squatting down to place a kiss on your stomach

He also helps you get ready in the morning.  Your range of motion definitely isn’t what it used to be now that you have a baby bump, so he’s more than willing to help you tie your shoes or hook your bra if you need him to.

PANICKED BOY DURING DELIVERY

Everything that he was told just left his brain and he suddenly forgot everything that he had been told.  He was holding onto your hand just as tightly as you were holding onto his, but he’s trying his best for your sake.

But the first moment that he sees his little baby all swaddled up in that blanket, you swear that you’ve never seen Akaashi’s eyes so wide and his face so blank.  It’s like you could see the gears turning in his head, trying to process everything that just happened.  

He’s absolutely silent.  He doesn’t say a single word or make any noise when he finally has the opportunity to hold his son for the first time.  He can do nothing but stare.  It’s really a sight to see.  The two best things in your life just staring at one another with absolute wonder.

Akaashi takes his baby’s development very seriously.  He wants his son to be just as smart as the both of you some day, so he takes it upon himself to read to his son before every single nap.  

Poor Keiji has read Green Eggs and Ham more times than he would like to admit.

Oikawa Tooru

Now listen. I know we all want to give him shit, but my god is he the only one who knows what the hell is going on 

He has a sister who has been through this whole pregnancy thing at least once. He’s not helpless.  He knows how to take care of a kid.  Oikawa Tooru can rock a baby to sleep faster than you can say Seijoh.  He’s just that good.

Tooru bought you the ugliest pair of sneakers when your feet started to swell and your other sneakers started to get uncomfy, but god damn they were the best pair of shoes that you ever put on your feet.  Well, that he put on your feet.  It’s kind of difficult to put shoes on when there’s a uh . . . big ol’ bump in the way.

He frequently talks to your stomach in Spanish and has already given the little bean a nickname to match the Spanish one he gave you.  He also hums little songs while he rubs your stomach ugh lots of sweet vibes from oikawa

And it’s literally because his sister sent him P A R A G R A P H S just to tell him how to take care of you while you were pregnant.  All of these little things that he never would have thought of like getting one of those grabber things so you didn’t have to bend over so much or keeping snacks and anything you could possibly be craving on a low shelf so you didn’t hurt yourself climbing for the bag of pretzels.

While Tooru loves you and would do anything for you, he absolutely refuses to rub your feet.  Do not even bother asking.  He will turn up his nose and look at you like you’ve lost your mind.

He’s always telling his teammates about you and how big you’ve gotten, what size his little baby is, what names he was thinking about.  Ah it’s so cute.  He invites some of them over to help him put together the nursery, asking them if they prefer the elephants or the bears?  Should they choose yellow or maybe a nice grey?

When it came to the actual delivery of the baby, he was so calm???  Like?? Unnervingly calm?  He just held your hand, running his other hand over your head, pushing your hair back, reminding you to breathe just like he had practiced with you, telling you that you’re doing so well, that it will all be over and worth it soon.

And it really was.  Seeing his face light up with the most adoring smile that you had ever seen as he took his little one into his arms was one of the most beautiful sights you had ever seen.  He was absolutely in love and all it took was one little look and he was already cooing and making silly faces.

But those goofy faces and cute voices were just to mask the tears that had welled in his eyes at finally being able to hold the most beautiful thing on the planet.  He never thought he’d get to be a dad, settling down was something that had always seemed so distant and strange to him until he met you.  And yet, here he was.  A full-fledged dad, on the verge of sobbing as he held onto his first-born as if his entire universe would crumble if he looked away for even a second.

Please don’t even get me started on when his kiddo wrapped their hand around his finger.  SOBBED.  He’s gone.  Absolutely bawling his eyes out.

Ugh i could go on forever about dad!oikawa he’d just be so 10/10

{taglist: @moncymonce​ @nicka-nell​ @lovinnoya​ @celosiiaa​ @ush7jima​ @deephasoceanmagic​}

[noobtiedoo]

Coming Out

I don’t really know where to pour my heart out other then Tumblr. Considering this site has the most random stuff i think it’s the right place to get this off my chest. It’s gonna be a long post so i will be pouring my heart out under the ‘keep reading’ line. Basically it boils down to the fact that I just came out as Non-Binary to the people i work with. Which leaves me in a whirlpool of emotions. I’ve already bawled my eyes out and i might do it again. Because i’m scared as hell, relieved as all hell and i feel like i can fucking breathe for the first time since forever. Everything is just overwhelming right now. But i need to get this off my chest. And i have literally no where else to post this. Just a heads up, i will be talking about my own experience, which brushes the subject of depression, anxiety and suicide. So if you’re sensitive to these subjects, i completely understand if you decide not to read. 

Onto my story:

First up, I’m Non-Binary. (He/Him Pronouns) And it may be a strange opening line but you have to understand that i haven’t been able to say this out loud, with pride, for years. I have been going through a really rough childhood and up until highschool i thought that it was because there was something wrong with me. As highschool progressed, things didn’t get any better, except for the fact that i started to understand something wasn’t necessarily wrong with me. I was just different then other people. And at the end of highschool i finally figured out what was what. But i couldn’t do anything with that knowledge. Depression, Anxiety, bullying and other things kept a lid on it. 

I thought it was best to suffer in silence because i was so scared that everything was going to get so much worse if i came out as a Non-binary person. On top of that, I’m a Pansexual. It’s a logical but not a great combo as these are two things that are very ‘new’ and ‘recently introduced’ to society. I know these things were existing before we could even give it a name. (And my heart hurts thinking of all those people in the past who struggled with this their whole lives unable to give it a name or come to terms with it)

I was struggling with multiple things, trying to keep my head above the water. Which backfired completely as i got depressed, my first ever girlfriend backstabbed me, which made me feel like an even more sore loser, i struggled with self esteem, my gender, my sexuality, my body, my personality. Basically everything a teenager would be going through except... It was really bad. So bad i wanted to end it all. I did try to push myself to commit suicide, but in the end i couldn’t go through with it. I thought it was too selfish to leave my parents and sisters behind without answers. And though at least i didn’t feel guilty for leaving them behind, i felt miserable with my life.

Fast forward to college, I was struggling. Walking around like a zombie. My education suffered, i suffered. My depression got worse. I had to quit and i spend half a year at home, in bed. Refusing to get up for anything other then food or the bathroom or maybe a shower if i felt like it. At this point i would hurt myself to distract me from the pain on the inside. If i felt pain on the outside, i wouldn’t pay attention to the fact that i felt like i couldn’t breathe, every day.

My parents eventually forced me to do some volunteer work. (no people involved, i had to go to a farm where special care was given to the disabled and feed the animals in the petting zoo there.) The animals made me feel more at ease and the fresh air did me some good. I was getting a bit better. I stopped hurting myself because the volunteer job distracted me enough. But i still felt like i couldn’t breathe. Until my parents suggested i go see a Psychiatrist. Help was help, or so i thought, so i agreed. But (and don’t get me wrong, i love my parents and respect their beliefs) the psychiatrist was from a Christian organization and he didn’t get me at.all. According to him i was suffering from a personality disorder and identity disorder. Which i KNEW wasn’t true. 

Naturally i quit therapy because the man wouldn’t listen to me. Now i’m a Christian too, and i know we aren’t all the same. But i didn’t want to risk it, so i went looking for a more open minded psychiatrist . One who was perhaps an atheist or hanging on some other religion. I didn’t care as long as he was open minded. (I didn’t feel comfortable with female psychiatrists at the time, but if i had i would have considered going to one) So i found a psychiatrist that i had a good feeling with and things started to get better. He helped me get through my trauma (I was sexually assaulted when i was eleven. Because of my low self esteem I couldn’t say ‘no’. I was too shy and timid to stick up for myself and this fucker knew and abused it.) He helped me gain more confidence. He helped me build up more self esteem and accept my sexuality. But Gender was still an issue.

Eventually we were at a stalemate. I felt like i had to figure the rest out for myself. He too said he gave me the tools i needed, but it was up to me to build my life. 

fast forward to my second attempt at collage. I struggled through a relationship that didn’t work. and ended things with my date in the start of the second year. It was a 3 year education program that eventually took me 5 and a half years to complete. But i did it. And i got my degree and boy i was proud. But then... I had to start working and put myself in the professional field. This was 3 years ago. Thinking back on the hell i went through to get where i was, i didn’t want to risk people misunderstanding me or turning me down because i was different. I kept my gender and sexuality trapped tightly in my private life. 

But you may have guessed it: It still made me feel miserable. I was lying to myself. And every time someone addressed me with female pronouns it was like someone was banging a hammer on a piano. I tried to ignore it but people started noticing i was very closed off and quiet and basically not a very happy person. I went from my first job to another employer somewhere else because i needed more hours. (there was never anything wrong with my first job, they just thought i was really shy. but i couldn’t get more hours so i moved on.) Hoping that it would be better there. Same story, same results. They noticed something was wrong. When i tried carefully to open up about what was bothering me, i got fired. That was at the start of this year. I tried hard to find a new job, the first job interview i had i felt like it had to be now or never. So i thought ‘fuck it all’ and i told them about my gender and that i preferred male pronouns even though i looked feminine. Guess what. They decided not to hire me. Big surprise. So the next time, i didn’t say a thing. 

Then i was about to get hired and then lockdown happened. And they laid me off. I was starting to feel depressed again. And helpless. Hopeless. I thought back on my first employer, and what a good time i had there despite my struggles and me being so quiet. So i was like: Why the hell not? And i tried again to get a job with the same employer. They had a place for me, not at the location i worked at before, but at a different one. Five days a week. I felt like i just witnessed a miracle when they decided to hire me. But i didn’t tell them anything about my gender or struggles, i just told them i have trouble opening up but i’m really trying. And they are patient with me and help me wherever they can. It’s also a Christian organization, but they are much more open minded then you’d expect religious people to be. (To be fair not everyone employed there is actually religious) 

Two months go by and i’m having a good time. The job is perfect, my co workers are really nice. I’m having a great time. But there is still that nagging feeling every time a kid calls me Teacher. (I’m Dutch. We don’t have a word like Teacher. With us it’s divided into Female teachers ‘Juffen’ And Male teachers ‘Meesters’) So they naturally call me the female equivalent of teacher. And i absolutely hate it. Again i hear that hammer banging on the piano and i feel like i can’t breathe. Then i learn that one of my co-workers is a Lesbian and in a relationship and everyone is acting so normal about it. And she has been working there for 6 years now. It broke something in me. I just didn’t want to lie to myself and others anymore. But because of everything that happened i was so scared to come out as Non-Binary.

So a few weeks ago i was finally so fed up with everything and the constant feeling that my chest was constricted and a knot being in my throat every time a kid called me teacher. So finally, there were some kids joking about boys and girls and what would make someone a boy or a girl. (kids are so sweet and innocent at the age of 5 they don’t know any better) So some of the girls were giggling and started calling me the male equivalent of teacher. I nearly cried. I never felt so happy in my life. But then one of my co-workers tried to correct them and i just blurted out: “Please don’t correct them. It’s fine. They can call me that.” 

She was surprised. And i thought: ‘What did i do now?’ But on second thought, it didn’t give me the chance to run away again or hide or keep struggling in silence. Because later she asked me what i meant with it and i told her my story. Of how my gender and how i was addressed effected me. I told her everything and i was shaking. I was scared, i was on the edge of crying, because i remembered all the times that me coming out as a person, with my Non-binary gender had caused me more harm then good.

She was very calm about it. I could tell she was trying her best to understand even if she was left a bit confused, and we talked about solutions. She then suggested that if it would make me really happy, then starting immediately, we would teach these kids to address me with my name instead of as a teacher. (I work in after care for kids who’s parents have to work, so we pick them up from school and look after them until dinner time when their parents pick them up. We aren’t teachers anyway.) 

I never really thought about that. And i agreed on the solution. So then we started to teach these kids to address me with my name. Another co worker i often work with heard this being brought into practice, which also kind of left me to explain to her why this was now a thing and why it needed to continue to be a thing. So i told my story to her. Again i was scared as hell, shaking and near crying. But she also responded calmly and told me she thought i was brave and that she would try to help me teach these kids to address me by my name.

I work with one other co worker on a regular basis. I haven’t told her the why yet but i asked her to help me teach the kids to address me with my name. (those kids are 6-7 years old and are a little easier when teaching something new) She agreed even if she didn’t know why. I will tell her soon. Probably next week. But i’m still nervous and my emotions are all over the place.

I also told my ehmm superior? Is that the word? I don’t know but she works at the office on our location to organize everything for everyone and make sure we have a list of which kids are coming on which days and stuff like that. I ended up telling half of my story to her too. She was interested but busy with a lot of other things too, which made it even scarier to tell her. (I always get more scared if i can’t really figure out how a person is going to respond or if the response is too vague for me to be able to tell if it was bad or good). But she was very calm about it too. So i want to see if i can sit down with her sometime and tell her my whole story to see if she can understand it a little better, and how we’re going to implement this in my work. Who needs to know, who can know and how we will solve the pronouns thing. (Although she seemed happy with the solution of calling me by my name. She seemed to support it) 

So as you can guess, after the last two weeks my emotions and feelings have been all over the place. I don’t sleep well some nights because all of this is going on and it’s so recent and fresh that i’m still worried. but... I can breathe.. For the first time since forever i can breathe. I’m happy. I’m not lying to myself. I don’t have to hide. And even if they don’t fully understand it, i’m finally being fully supported. 

(I love my parents as i’ve said before. But because of their beliefs they can’t fully support me. They will always love me. But to them i will never be anything else than their daughter and their little girl. And though it hurts my heart more then they realize, they refuse to use male pronouns for me. But they love me and they will never ever turn me away. I will always be welcome in their home. They will always love me as their child. They will never cut me off or disown me or turn away from me. So they support me. Just not 100% in the way i wished they would.) 

(My sisters are more open. Though my older sister has some trouble, she tries to use he/him even though she told me honestly that she doesn’t think she can ever see me as her little brother. So i told her ‘Don’t. Because i’m Non-Binary. Just see me as your little person.’ She laughed and said: Alright.  My little sister is the easiest. She doesn’t mind calling me Bro. She even said she always wanted a brother so she calls me dude and bro and uses he/him and i love her for it.)

But now at my work of all places (next to my few friends who use he/him as well) i have people who support me fully and try to help me be who i am without me having to feel ashamed for it or repressing it because i think being myself will cause me more harm then good. I can be myself. I can finally just let go. I have cried so hard already and i’m almost crying again typing this all out. Good god i know it’s a long story but... I’m just so overwhelmed. I needed to get this all out there one way or another. Just because i’m so overwhelmed that i need an outlet. So Tumblr. Here you go. This is my coming out story and i’m gonna go off and bawl my eyes out in a corner again because... I am overwhelmed.

[clankitsfanfiction]

New Year, New Beginnings, a Male SS x Hancock Oneshot

Summary: Whatever. Hancock was being himself, and Nate didn’t care. Back to New Year’s Eve.

“We can string up some lights around town, make some special food, maybe some mutfruit juice? New year, new beginnings.” Nate stared at the crowd of settlers. They stared back.

Or, in other words, Nate tries to get Sanctuary to celebrate New Year's Eve. Also, Hancock is there.

Chapter One

(read this on Archive of Our Own here)

Time isn’t an important aspect in Nate’s life anymore. The clock on his Pip-Boy is one of the few working ones he’s seen, and Nate’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen another working calendar. Nate hasn’t had to keep track of the date for any reason, as the people in this world can’t keep track. They just say ‘bring me the caps by tomorrow or I’ll kill your family’ and the likes. Still, it’s nice to know that the date is there in the corner. A relic of his old life.

That’s why it was a shock when he glanced at his Pip-Boy one day, lounging in Sanctuary to discover tomorrow New Year’s Eve. A smile lit up his face as he recalled spending New Year with Nora in celebration and delight. Things are different now, sure, and Nora might not be here, but the day still holds a special place in his heart. Maybe he can convince the settlers of Sanctuary to have a party tomorrow.

Sitting up from his chair with excitement, he set off.

Theoretically, it makes sense why none of the people know what he’s talking about. Nick is smiling at him, since he knows what Nate is talking about, but everyone else either looks amused or annoyed. Actually, Danse looked depressed (but he always looks depressed, now that he knows he’s a synth), Cait looks concerned (probably about being around alcohol), and Hancock looks confused. Huh. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. At least MacCready and Codsworth look excited (as much as a robot can look excited).

“Oh sir, it’s simply been ages since we’ve celebrated New Year’s Eve! I’m afraid we haven’t any champagne, though. Perhaps we can make a substitute?”

“I won’t be wantin’ any of that. What’s so important about startin’ a new year? It’s not like we keep track of dates, Nate.” Cait crossed her arms.

“New Year’s Eve was a pre-war holiday. Nate, I’m glad you wanna share an important part of your life with us, but I don’t think any of these folks will really get it.” Nick glanced at Shaun, who was playing with Dogmeat a little ways away. “And I think some might not be able to partake in any of the more traditional ways of celebrating.”

This was not going as planned. Nate hadn’t had a plan, but if he did have a plan, this wouldn’t have been it. “Come on, everyone! We don’t have to celebrate in any of the ways I mentioned,” he said with an assuring look at Cait.

“Hm, I don’t know. That kiss of midnight didn’t sound so bad.” Hancock waggled his eyebrows in Nate’s direction, and Nate rolled his eyes. Hancock flirted with everyone, but his most frequent target seemed to be Nate. It wasn’t that Nate disliked it—he did, in fact like it very much, but the knowledge that it wasn’t personal and just out of habit made Nate feel queasy inside. He wasn’t sure when his feelings for the mayor shifted from platonic to something more romantic, but for the time being he was ignoring them. Sure, Hancock might be up for some fun, but a relationship? Not his style. At least, Nate didn’t think it was. He hadn’t actually asked. Should he ask?

Whatever. Hancock was being himself, and Nate didn’t care. Back to New Year’s Eve.

“We can string up some lights around town, make some special food, maybe some mutfruit juice? New year, new beginnings.” Nate stared at the crowd of settlers. They stared back.

Finally, someone muttered, “we haven’t had any reasons to celebrate lately. This seems as good as any.” Sounds of general agreement spread throughout the crowd until it was clear the majority would comply with whatever Nate asked, as long as it wasn’t too crazy.

Nate clapped his hands and allowed himself a grin. Things had been better ever since they defeated the Institute, but this seemed like a good sign.

--

It was not a good sign. They’d managed to scrape up some colored lights for the occasion, but the food and drink vendors were refusing to give Nate discounts for tomorrow. Nate asked, asked again, and asked for a third time, but nothing worked! They were not feeling the spirit of New Year’s Eve. Nate ended up paying the full amount, because he could afford it, since he had taxes on basically every store in the town, but he did it grumpily.

He wasn’t going to try to push New Year’s Resolutions too hard. No had seemed too keen on the idea, and it wasn’t like anyone followed through on them anyway.

Nate tried to think back to what him and Nora would do on New Year’s Eve. They’d drink, sure, and sing, and laugh, and what, have fun? People rarely had fun in the Commonwealth. They always seemed so sad. Sometimes Nate wanted to gather everyone up and just hug them all until he had magically vanished their depression and PTSD away.

A hand touched his shoulder and Nate jerked his head up. He’d gotten much better with physical contact in the past couple months—for his first year out of the vault he tried not to let anyone touch him.

“Nate, you alright?” Hancock rumbled, and Nate felt himself leaning into his touch. “Don’t work yourself up now.

“I’m fine, Hancock. Just thinking about what I need to get for tomorrow.”

“You said that there needed to be lights, food, drink, and tinsel or something, right? I heard from Nick that you’ve gotten the first two taken care of. What is tinsel, anyway?”

Nate blinked. He’d forgotten he mentioned tinsel. “It’s, uh, this shiny plastic-ey thing. You might’ve seen it in dollar stores. It’s shiny. We don’t really need it.”

Sadly, the hand left his shoulder and clapped him on the back. “Sounds like you’re all set, then. Just gotta get the people into the spirit.” Hancock bumped Nate’s shoulder with his own. “Your people need something to celebrate.”

Nate frowned. “They’re not my people, Hancock. I’m not the mayor.”

The ghoul chuckled. “You’re the mayor all but in name, brother. That’s not the important part,” Hancock added before Nate could open his mouth. “The important part is that you care for the settlers of Sanctuary and they rely on and respect you. They trust you.”

“Cool, thanks,” Nate said, and his voice definitely did not crack at all. He cleared his throat, because he was thirsty, and not because he was tearing up. “I’m not sure how I’m going to get people into the spirit. Nora and I would always sing along to songs on the radio, but all of the songs on Diamond City Radio are about nuclear things and uranium. Or they’re depressing. I mean, not all the time, but half the time.”

Hancock hummed. “You gotta let people have their own experiences. If you’re really gonna try to bring this holiday into our world, you have to know it’s not gonna be the same. Never will be. We have some holidays, sure, around the solstices, but nothing like you’re trying to push. Keep it low key. Let people make their own traditions.”

“Wow, Hancock. When did you get so wise?”

He blinked. “I met you.”

The two said nothing, but Nate felt Hancock’s hand brush his own. They stood there, barely touching, until Shaun tripped and started bawling, ruining the moment.

--

The sleep Nate had the night before New Year’s Eve was uneasy and limited. Memories of the day’s events swirled in his mind and kept him awake. How would the celebration go? Did Hancock want a relationship? Was Shaun going to stop tripping over rocks?

After falling into a troubled sleep, Nate awoke to something long and wet touching his face and someone… giggling?

“Dogmeat is saying hello!” Shaun chirped.

“Mmm, that’s very nice, Shaun. Can you tell him to get off the bed?”

“Dogmeat, off!” Nate breathed a sigh of relief as Dogmeat’s tongue left his face. Thank god he’d managed to get the showers to supply warm water. It felt as if he was coated in grime.

“Looked like Dogmeat was enjoying himself there,” a voice mused, and the sigh turned into a groan as he realized Hancock had been watching. “You found him at the Red Rocket, right?” Finally opening his eyes, Nate glared at Hancock while Shaun obliviously petted Dogmeat. “Morning, sunshine. You sleep well?”

“Fine, thanks,” Nate said through gritted teeth. “Shaun, can you go make sure the cats were fed this morning?”

“Yes, papa!”

As soon as he had left the room, Nate leaned up on his elbows and scowled. “Don’t make dirty jokes in front of my son.

“Don’t have a son in front of my dirty jokes.”

“What?”

“Nah, you’re right. I won’t. Come on, let me give you hand.”

Nate took the offered hand and let Hancock pull him up. “What time is it?”

Hancock shrugged. “Somewhere around nine, probably. This house doesn’t have any clocks. Not much has happened. Couple traders came in, and people are getting excited about celebrating New Year’s Eve.”

“That’s good!” Yawning, Nate allowed himself to lean on Hancock, pretending he was just tired. “How do you feel about making me breakfast?”

“But how can I make you breakfast when you’re already Nate?”

“Ugh. Go soak your head. That wasn't even clever.”

--

Nate had considered giving everyone the day off but decided against it in the end. Despite the fact they would be celebrating later, they still needed to keep the plants watered and the shops open and the posts guarded. He did, however, give permission for people to be more lax and take their time—as long as they completed their goal in the end.

Some of the traders who had come in while Nate was sleeping had done so because they’d heard about the party. They were willing to sell things for a slight cheaper price—if they would be invited to the party. Nate had shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Everyone’s welcome.”

During the day, more people showed up. Apparently the caravan workers who had left yesterday wasted no time spreading the word, and about ten people total showed up just for the new year—most groups nearby had moved into Sanctuary.  Nate hadn’t known that there was even people still not in town or he would have invited them to stay.

The entirety of the day passed with little fanfare. Most of the preparations had been finished yesterday; lights had been strung up around the town center, food was being prepared for later, people were making plans on what they would do at the party. “I’m going to bring board games!” Shaun said. “Then I’ll stay up late teaching people how to play them!”

“That sounds very nice, Shaun.” Nate had ruffled his hair before moving on to the hardest thing he wanted — no, needed for the party.

Fireworks.

Nate had yet to meet anyone who had seen fireworks. People knew the concept of them, and maybe had seen some pictures, but images didn’t do them justice. This met, by extension, no one had any fucking idea how to make them . Nate’s handy, sure, but he can’t make fucking fireworks.

He spent most of the day working with Sturges and an old fireworks manual he’d managed to buy off a trader. Currently, the plan was to see if they could modify a flare to be a different color and go from there. Since Nate knew absolutely nothing about fireworks, he spend most of the day pretending to be working with Sturges but actually talking with Hancock.

“So, what are actually fireworks?” Hancock asked at some point.

“They’re these sort of colored flares that go really high up in the air. They explode into different shapes. Some of them make a sort of fizzing sound, but they all make a really loud sound like a gunshot. If we actually make any—”

“We?”

“If Sturges actually makes any they’ll have to be set up pretty far away. They’re dangerous to be too close to. I’ll probably set them up at Red Rocket. Since they’re so loud, I’m giving everyone earplugs to start with.” Nate didn’t have that many earplugs, but he figured pieces of cotton would do the trick. “Generally, they go off at night around twelve, when the new year begins. In old TV shows—” Nate had already had a long, long, long discussion in which he explained the concept and inner workings of television to Hancock—“people would always share a kiss with fireworks in the background.”

Hancock simply hummed at that.

Nate never found out what type of fireworks Sturges made, as Shaun had tripped again, apparently over the same rock.

Eventually, it was time for the party to start. People started to crowd the town center—which just so happened to be right outside Nate’s house, where the majority of the party was supposed to take place—and Nate invited them inside. His house wasn’t really ‘his house.’ It was constantly filled with other people, sleeping and talking and eating. For some reason, people chose today to start being shy and wait for him to show up. People weren’t exactly sure what to do at first—many of them had never been to a party of such magnitude, or to a party at all. Ultimately, people relaxed as the atmosphere became more upbeat and happy. Nate played the classic role of the host, constantly talking with people who seemed a little awkward and making sure everyone was having a good time. He glimpsed Hancock chatting with Nick, but didn’t have time to do anything more than wave. Hancock didn’t see him.

Danse had agreed, somewhat joylessly, to supervise Shaun’s ‘Game Room.’ Nate had set up a room for the kids of Sanctuary to hang in (if they chose) and, much to Shaun’s delight, play boardgames. So far, it seemed to be going swimmingly. Shaun was talking mainly to Nat, Piper’s younger sister, who had come for a visit—as well as to write a report on ‘The Vault-Dweller's Sanctuary.’ Nate saw Danse with a glimpse of a smile on his face as he watched them converse. Huh. Did Danse want kids? Nate had never thought about Danse having kids. Maybe he should ask him sometime.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and Nate turned to see a settler. “Sturges said to tell you the fireworks are ready. As soon as you set off the smoke signal he’ll set them off.” Nate thanked her and glanced at his Pip-Boy. Eleven forty-five. He might as well get everyone outside.

So, he went from room to room, along with stepping outside, to announce that the fireworks would soon be appearing in the direction of Red Rocket. He gave a brief description of what fireworks were before inviting everyone to the few houses in Sanctuary that had a second story built on the outside of the house, reminding them to grab earplugs outside so they’d be prepared for the noise.

At 11:55, Nate walked to a small structure built on the outskirts of town, hastily completed that day. He’d prepared a small fire to be lit that night, so that when Sturges saw the smoke he’d set the fireworks off. Figuring Sturges would need some time, he lit it at 11:56 and prepared to wait.

For some reason, he wasn’t that surprised when Hancock showed up.

“Hey, Mayor Hancock of Goodneighbor. Care to join me?” He patted the ground next to him.

“Sure. Y’know, I would think you’d be up on a roof to watch your hard work.” Hancock sat down beside him, their knees touching.

He shrugged. “It’s nice out here. You can still hear the noise of the town, but it’s kinda quiet.”

Hancock didn’t say anything in response. He just gazed at Nate, who soon looked away from the intense focus of those black eyes on his. “The, uh, fireworks should be starting soon.”

Nothing. Huh. Maybe he should look back? Nate’s not sure. This is kinda awkward. Is it awkward, or does Nate just think it’s awkward? Agh, what would Nora do? He’s never been good with talking to his crushes. Nora was the one who asked him out. And it’s not like he has problems talking to Hancock. He spent most of the day talking to Hancock. It’s just… he’s spent most of his past New Year’s Eve Days with Nora.

“Nate.”

“Yes, Hancock?”

“I think the fireworks are starting.”

Nate turned to face the direction of the Red Rocket, but saw nothing. “Hancock, what are you—”

He felt his face being grasped softly by gentle hand, and instinctively moved to face the ghoul next to him. Black eyes bore into Nate’s own, and he felt a thumb lightly make circles on his cheek. “Is it alright if I kiss you?”

“Oh! Um, yes. I would like that very much please.”

As Nate definitely did not blush, but he did most certainly kiss Hancock, he distantly heard fireworks go off in the background. Hmm. What did this kiss mean for their relationship? Something new, for sure. But, you know. New year, new beginnings.                  

AN: This definitely isn't my best work, but my new year's resolution is to write. Not write more, write better, write differently. Just... write. Happy new year!

[yyxgin]

BAR IM GIGGLING INTO MY PHONE AT WORK WHILE IM ON BREAK BC I JUST SAW YOUR REPLIES TO MY MESSAGES 😭😭😭

i forgot to say i saw one of my co-workers in the supermarket after i got drunk on wednesday and i spoke to her on friday and she knew i was drunk 🤣

honestly if you repeat yourself i wouldn’t even notice. my mum repeats herself all the time. like she’ll tell me a story she’s told five times before and i’ll just sit and nod and fill in words when she can’t remember specific words. your manager needs a boot up her bum (by yours truly) bc tf does she think she’s playin at SIS ‼️ we gon fight 🥊

one of the girls dropped me n the barman home but he wouldn’t let her drive to his flat bc it’s a dodgy area and he didn’t want us three getting mugged or sumn after he went inside (sweetheart) and it was nice :) when i finally pass my goddamn test i’m returning the favour and dropping him outside his house bc i’m from the ghetto too i don’t mind fighting a couple of crackheads for my car keys ❤️

❤️‍🔥………stop…….. no mutual… pining……. i cannot deal…… i struggle enough….❤️‍🔥

he’s like four years older than me not bad i suppose there are people out there with more of an age difference. but he’s a libra!! aren’t two of the same star signs supposed to clash⁉️ lmao you’ve made me nervous i had just worked up the courage to start casual fleeting conversation with him here and there. i’m afraid i was joking about pining for him at first but now i’m scared lmao 😅 i wanna go out drinking w him (i made plans w one of the girls from work for whenever we get a day off,,, i think we’re gonna book the same day off together,,, so maybe he could join?) oh god im such an alcoholic 😇 HE SAID I HELD MY ALCOHOL WELL! IS THAT A COMPLIMENT? I FEEL LIKE IT SHOULDN’T BE!! eye—

my manager is leaving 😐 literally no one shed a tear and apparently when the last manager left everyone was bawling their eyes out like………. 😬 also i offered to stomp on a girl for my supervisor 💗 for context: one of my supervisors was moved to a different branch to help them there bc they don’t have enough staff and she messaged the girls snapchat gc saying how awful it was and apparently one of their staff members is moving to our branch but she argued w my supervisor so we were all like dw babes we’ll stomp her out 💗 and i also suggested we get the barman to run her over w his electric scooter. broom broom bitch don’t mess w us n do your job properly 💞💕💞💕💞💕💞 hehehe i love sticking up for people it’s my favourite trait

~🌻

AAAH MY MUM DOES THAT ALL THE TIME AS WELL 😭😭😭 or she'll ask me the same thing 383 times i think she's getting old or sum,,also i would love to start working soon bc im getting rlly bored and fed up of this shit

omg such a sweetheart. i coincidentally too live near a shady area so every time i go home in the evening and have to go through there i lowkey keep turning around and get scared at the quirtest noises but im getting used to it over the years. i also think you'll be great at fighting i believe in you💗also good luck on your test !!

4 years isnt much of a difference tbh i am european tho so that might just be me fjdjsj also did u just come out as a libra to me 🧐🧐 djsj jk jk i love libras. also i dont think so ?? im not the biggest astrology bitch out there tho i just know a lot abt my sign and some things about the signs of my past love interests signs fjdj. also go for it !!!! 😡😡 invite him somewhere, start working your flirty libra magic and you got him i believe in you🥰 also that feels like a compliment but u are probably right it shouldnt feel like that-

AAAH I LOVE HOW FRIENDLY YOUR COWORKERS SEEM YOU LOOK LIKE SUCH A SQUAD AFHEJW also i would definitely run her over as well💗

[learningtocope]

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING

I cannot stress enough that this is a major trigger warning for anyone who may stumble apon my blog and see this.

Today was a horrid day. As I write this my eyes are so swollen, red, and sore from crying all day. My arms are sore, for reason I will explain further on. My head is beginning to hurt from the mulitpul day alcohol binge I have been on, including today where I started drinking as soon as I woke up.

Today I almost killed myself.

I woke up to text messages from my brother and my step father about my cat, claiming that I dont care if her because I have been at friends place. The hook? Ive been there almost everyday and fed her and gave her love. So I snapped, in a horrid way and I know what I said can never be taken back. I dont know what to do about it, I guess there is nothing. I told my little brother go to die, that he was a waste if space and skin, that he was a piece of shit. I can never take those words back. I will live forever knowing that I told my little brother to kill himself. After sending those messages a huge realization hit me and it sent me in a crazier loop, those words werent ment for him. They were ment for me. Its what I was thinking about myself and I tossed it my little brother. What fucking kind of human does that? I opened some alcohol and began drinking it from the bottle and chasing it with coffee. I had decided what I was going to do, I deserved worse.

I packed my stuff up and left a note for ny friend explaining that I had to go home to see the cat and do some office work. I live way out of town, about a 2 and half, 3 hour walk. Duffle bag on my shoulder I began walking, I had gone up a couple blocks when someone called out my name. They offered me a ride home and a coffee, so I took the offer. It would get me home quicker and I could enjoy one last coffee. When we pulled into the driveway I was kind of prolonging getting out of the vehicle with conversation. After a few minutes I hopped out, thanked them and told them Id message them later, a lie. Or what I thought would be.

I went into the house dropping my duffle bag on the floor and reaching into it to remove the bottle of alcohol from my bag. At my home I had pepsi so I added that to the bottle and drank it, crying harder than I have in a long time. I want to the office and grabbed the exacto knife that was left in the office from my step dad, I broke off the first 2 and tossed them before breaking one more. I went into the bathroom and cleaned it with peroxide to make sure it was clean. I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and sat with both infront of me, drink in hand. My eyes moved from one to the other. I wanted to die, I really did. I mean I still feel super shitty about my self as is still. But I thought about my baby sister, my baby brother, who I know I hurt more than anyone could imagine. My father, my mother, my step father, my best friend. I picked up the piece of exacto blade and began to cut my arms, no not one. Both. Not very deep but enough to make it bleed quite a bit, its likely to scare. I spent from 10am to 2pm crying, drinking, cutting and holding allof my sleeping pills in my hand. I was torn. I needed help. I knew I needed help. If I didnt do it now I knew what was going to happen.

I clicked emergancy call on my phone screen. I requested the ambulance, bawling beyond understandable english. When the dispatcher picked up, I cried harder. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was scared, I was depressed, and I was close to commiting suicide. They asked what my name and address was, ensuring someone was on their way to help me and should arrice soon. She asked me if I was hurt, what was hurt, how it was hurt and how to tend to it until help arrived I couldnt believe it. I called for help myself. Ive never done that.

Within a few minutes, I was standing outside still on the phone with the dispatcher, crying still, and lighting a cigarette. I had taken one drag when the first cruiser pulled in, Then the ambulance followed by another office and paramedic. One of the two paramedics left when they saw I was being taken care of already by the first. After I was cleaned up and bandaged the officers came inside with me as I went to find my health card.

They found the pills on the counter and asked if I had taked any. I said no, bit I was going to. She took the bottle and brought it with us. The car ride was hell. Being bandaged on my lower arms caused people in the emergancy room to stare, oh! And Im sure the officer escorts didnt help that matter. The nurses were quick, getting me in and looked at. I requested to call my best friend, and to call my mother for me as there was no I could tell her what happened at that time. My friend rushed to the emerg room and ran down to my room, she hugged me bawling. She asked me what happened, why? I told her simply, I beat myself up alot and I took it out on my brother. On top of waking up already angry and being accused of being a bad pet owner, the realization of the words being the ones my brain was screaming at me for weeks now. It wasnt an excuse to do or say the things I did to him. I know what it feels like to be told that by other people, but never family. And I guarantee that would hurt alot more. I love my little brother more than words can describe, I cannot stress that enough. Weve finally started to get along better and now Ive totally ruined it. Ive lost one of my only friends and I know it. I know my mother heard about it before she had gotten the call. I dont understand why I do the things I do, things like what I did today. I hurt one of the people I love most, it seems to be a talent of mine. Hurting those I love to push them away.

I did not tell this to the nurses, doctor, or my new social worker. But I told my best friend as I crumpled infront of her. They made me give them a urine sample and have blood work done. They didnt believe I hadnt done any hard drugs or taken any of the sleeping pills. The emerg doctor came in shortly after and assesed me again to make sure there were no changes in my behaviour or movements that would suggest I was not okay. She booked me an appointment to see the doctor inplace of mine as shes on mat-leave to reasses my medication. My socail worker agreed to have me released today, having to agree to meeting with him again on saturday, following thru with my consling, and a few other things.

My mother had called me back at the hospital as she hadnt picked up when the officer called so was left a message. All she had to say was 3 different things; “You should be admitted” “Why didnt you call me?” “If you had come camping this wouldnt have happened.” I had no words, I started each response and stopped after a few words. I knew it would cause a fight. “You should be admitted” something else you dont want to hear from a family member. She says way more often than one should. “Why didnt you call me?” Please refer to the first sentance spoken to me. Thats why. You tell me Im rediculous, I wont do it, Im over dramatic. Why WOULD I call someone who, when Ive reached out to them before in a time of need, said those things to me every time Ive called them for help. “If you had come camping this wouldnt have happened.” False. Feelings dont just disappear because you camping. Id still feel the same way, still have access to the same medication. The only difference? My only choice would have been the medication.

She asked me to call her and let her know what happens. I told her I was released, she sighed in frustration and asked why they didnt keep me. I told her about the plan that was laid out to help me, help myself. Her and the rest of my imedate family had gone camping for a week. She told me she was coming home early, I was hoping she was gonna say the reason was she wanted to make sure I was okay. My hope was wasted. She was coming home early because it was muddy and that she had other plans now for herself for the week. My heart broke..

So now, Im laying on the pull out couch in my bestfriends living room, eyes swollen, puffy and weak. My arms aching and bandaged, bruised where they took my blood. My brain still running lose on itself, exhausted beyond belief and unable to fall asleep.

I hate my self. I really do.