#They're obviously included in this but fuck terfs

[velvetvexations]

I'm being stalked by someone who screams that I can't stop talking about her despite her having it made it clear she wants "no contact" and then screenshots my blog to spread more lies about me in spite of the fact that I have her blocked and block evading is supposed to be one of my grievous sins

like literally the most I have talked about her recently was with a coded name that doesn't even reference her URL in response to her taking a screenshot of my post and calling me pro-American because memes are hilarious but IRL seriously I would have preferred 9/11 not have happened

I am still not using her URL or her fucking name while she goes around saying VELVET VEXATIONS SHOULD DRINK BLEACH BECAUSE SHE SAID DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN NOW EXCUSE ME I SAW MY LEAST FAVORITE COLOR AND NEED TO COMPOSE A MELINCHOLY POEM TO PROCESS THE GRIEF IT'S CAUSED ME

every time a transradfem equates discussing how transphobes feel about us is the same as misgendering other trans people, that's fucking pathetic assuming it's a genuine belief and not just something to performatively break into tears over as intoxicatingly self-righteous justification for thinking only the people they fetishize should be allowed to exist

but apparently! this person has another stalker who sends her posts to other people! and that's really interesting to me, you know, because the only post of her's I've ever received from an anon was one in which she was talking about me! And when that person came off anon to say it was them that sent it, she took a screenshot of that admission but did not include me telling them off for stirring shit

too bad I decided to delete the admission due them using her name and can't prove I gave them that dressing down, clearly I shouldn't have fucking bothered since innocence itself is no protection

she seriously can't stop calling me a TERF while actual no-bullshit TERFs are openly calling on one another to email publishers trying to get me canceled for writing a fanfic where it's briefly mentioned a trans teenager wore her sister's clothes without asking, what the fuck does any transradfem know about TERFs when I'm dealing with actual TERFs and all they are to them is an abstract concept used to bludgeon trans men and non-binary people with

these fucking people do not experience actual fucking problems, they do not have any conception of what an actual problem is, they sit around lying about the traitorous Queen of Tee Em Eees, puppet of the completely fictional AFAB patriarchy, because they do not have real problems and have never had one in their entire lives, like all fucking people who can't go five seconds without reminding you they're a communist because they think it's cool and trendy and makes them sound smart to say things like dialetic materialist epistemology transubstantiating within the imperial core of the glocal northsouth without actually engaging in any of the actual ideals that make communism laudable and worthy of sincere pursuit

the temptation is to say that transradfems do it because they feel powerless to do anything about actual social issues on any level and lash out at anyone they can feel good taking a swing at, but I don't give a fuck, I'm not willing to give them that they're just misguided, I don't think there's a single atom in the being of even one transradfem that cares about about anything beyond the clout they can extract from it, at best everything they whine about is less than a fourteen year old on Livejournal writing about how unfair it is when their parents won't let them get a tattoo except usually the the fourteen year old would be relaying actual events that actually happened

and I straight up do not fucking believe anyone gets hate mail over interactions I've had with them either, I fucking do not believe those obviously bullshit lies while I still get anons calling me zipperits and trying to trigger dysphoria on the assumption that works on me for saying I think transmascs aren't cis men

in fact, I kinna half-joked about it before, but I think I now just fully believe it one hundred percent was a fucking trans rad fem - probably even this one in particular! - who sent my published work to that TERF the other day, because I haven't had that pinned or brought it up in months and I've never gotten attention from TERFs before this month outside of one or two comments that went nowhere

motherfucking hellsite

fucking internet

fucking stupid motherfuckers

[olderthannetfic]

I would never defend them - at least not the ones who actually harass people - but I do wonder if there's some antis out there who genuinely come from good intentions.

Super serious and genuinely shameful confession: I'm an ex-radfem. I went into those circles in the first place bc I liked some of Dworkin's works. And while I obviously do not recommend anyone ever get into radical feminism, I will say this: If haven’t been down that very specific rabbit hole of ideology yourself - especially in online settings - you cannot even begin to imagine how fucking INSANELY pervasive the ideas are. Even if you've been a victim of radfem hate, if you haven't been a radfem yourself, I'm truly inclined to think you have no idea what those spaces are actually like. Sorta like how if you've been a victim of fundie hate, that is awful and it fucking sucks, but if you haven't been raised fundie yourself, you really don't know what it's like to be IN those circles, just a VICTIM of those circles.

I hate to throw around words like “hivemind” or “groupthink” but it is that. I went into radfem spaces thinking that I was above believing certain things that they believed but I clearly wasnt, it is so fucking toxic and that’s why i’ll never believe that “TIRF” (trans inclusionary radfem - something I tried and failed to be) can be a real thing. And then these same people have the audacity to call trans rights a cult, but you know, it's whatever.

Obviously terfs are more serious in the "real world" than antis are, but there are some parallels in the way that both groups feel about kink/porn discourse. (No, I'm not saying that antis "believe TERF ideology" or anything, but I do think in the specific context of sex stuff, there ARE alot of parallels.)

I am not defending radfems either, but I will say that I got into it because I was genuinely worried about things such as: PH and how they just steal content from sex workers, the abuse going on in the sex work industry, the phenomenon of young girls who are waiting to turn 18 so they can start an OF account, romance novels that were not marketed as dark but should've been considering they straight up romanticized abuse and rape.

I really do think that most antis are of a similar mindset -- people, typically young traumatized people (not trying to pull the neurodivergent minor card, it's just that statistically speaking, that label CAN describe most antis) who are truly worried that, like, idk, some young girl is gonna watch Twilight or read Reylo fic and think that an overly possessive bf is #goals. Again, I'm NOT trying to defend this ideology or line of thinking at all, I'm just saying that i DO think most of them really don't realize the harm that they're doing, and actually think they're doing good.

I actually kinda feel bad for them, but like my earlier comparisons, I feel bad for them in the same way I feel bad for fundies or evangelicals. I feel bad that they hold such an awful ideology while thinking they're doing good things, but I stop feeling bad once they start ACTUALLY hurting people and I'll always feel worse for the people who they harass and harm.

And like I'd never want to be a radfem again and I hate that I was one once but, between myself and your ~10k (ballpark estimate lol) followers, I think that my time spend in that belief system gave me some really good insight to cult mindsets, which was something I didn't understand before or have much sympathy towards, and I've emerged with a lot of empathy for people who ARE stuck in bad ideologies. I could've been born into a hate group. I could've been preyed on by alt-right people and sucked in that way. Instead, it was reading radblr during quarantine that got me. Before I fell into it, I just mindlessly hated everyone in that group, and now I just feel sorry for them (still without justifying any of their actions).

It's honestly a really, really, complicated thing to try to grapple with. Anyone, yes including you reading this, can be brainwashed into hate. The second you think you're too good for that, you've lost.

This was more of a vent than a discourse ask. I guess my tl;dr is: I hate antis, terfs, fundamentalists, etc, as much as the next guy, but I also recognize that some of those people truly truly do think they're on the right side of history, and some of those people have been sucked into an ideology they never would've believed otherwise if not for xyz factors. While hate groups will never deserve pity, there are some vulnerable people in hate groups who for some reason believe they're doing good, and I wish I could help all of those people.

--

Yeah, I assume many antis are perfectly sincere in their desire to protect people. They're just wrong about what will work.

[leikeliscomet]

Having some thoughts on why the Black-ace-culture-is blog is doing way better than ace-lesbian-culture-is blog and why Black asexuality seems to be growing as a distinct identity whilst asexual lesbianism or lesbian asexuality isn't or isn't as much (this is just based on my own experience and this post is mostly yappery and speculation). Time for another long post lads:

Firstly I think its cus the two are perceived differently. I think there's contexts where ace lesbians can exist in just lesbian spaces or we're at least tolerated but Black aces are just mainly alienated. TERFs and radfems mainly just see us as lesbians that don't fuck or celibate women that can get dykey with it. And like obviously that's bad. If we just focus on our lesbianism we get a 'pass' but essentially if we get to loud with it we're not rated like that and tbh I do question if I'm actually supported by non-ace lesbians at times or if it's a case where the othering is silent but will get louder if I ace things up too much. But racist asexuals on the other hand don't see us as asexual in any real context. We're seen as non-ace and Blackness as in opposition with asexuality because they treat the identity as a form of sexual purity. They see Black music e.g. hip hop as uniquely sexual, their idea of sex obsession in society keeps pointing fingers at Blackness. Or it's microaggressive racism. They don't see Black ace representation as ace representation. They don't look at ace activism by Black aces. Large reason why there's a growth in Black asexual specific asexual things is because of the antiblackness we get in AND outiside the asexual community. So the choice is between being seen as incorrectly performing lesbianism vs seen as an invader of 'pure' asexuality so there's a bigger push for one of these to be its own separate sexuality. (Not to say being an ace lesbian is 'easier' than being a Black ace cus race x sexuality is different to sexuality x sexuality)

There's a few things inside lesbian theory already that can act as an asexual lesbian framework. For example when Audre Lorde wrote about The Erotic, she specifically included non-sexual intimacies like romantic, platonic and individual and these were just as revolutionary forms of joy and pleasure. It's not inherently asexual but you can easily get an ace lesbian reading from that. You could also look at stone lesbianism and the idea of lesbian sex without engaging in specific physical acts as a giver or receiver. Is it inherently asexual? No. But it unintentionally includes sex favourable ace lesbians who might prefer topping or bottoming without being touched or being the one doing the touching. That's why we have ace lesbians that are stone and stone lesbians that realised they're ace. There's also bambi lesbianism. Again, not inherently ace but ace lesbians that are sex repulsed can easily fit in as it's a form of sexless lesbianism outside the context of puritanism and linking to Audre Lorde a form of lesbian erotic that is non-sexual. Asexual lesbianism technically already exists as a framework just not called 'asexual lesbian' outright. So we don't need to fully reinvent the wheel, but just stick an ace ring on it.

But with asexuality it's different because with Black asexuality we're making everything from scratch. Black asexuality as a framework and a culture is distinctively different from mainstream asexuality. Black asexuality in terms of theory actively addresses white supremacy in a way mainstream (white) asexual activism doesn't. It's in direct support with Black aromanticism and Black aros, whilst the wider aspec community is starting to form separatist movements between alloace, aroace and aroallo. It's in direct support with the rest of the LGBTQIA community recognising their struggles are also connected to compulsory sexuality whilst (white) liberal ace activism consistently feeds into the idea of a unique asexual oppression with no correlation to the rest of the community. Obviously Black aces can and do participate in mainstream ace culture with the garlic bread and ace rings but this wasn't made with us in mind. Like I very much doubt the Denmark invasion stuff was made with any asexual POC in mind because if it had then it wouldn't exist as a joke about participating in colonialism when we're colonised peoples. Because we have the experience of being Black and not just asexual in isolation I think we can understand how culture operates better. Large parts of mainstream ace culture is made from creating an asexual version of a non-ace queer thing instead of making something with a specific social and political context. Like cake and garlic bread were originally a play on food being better than sex and the idea of non-sexual pleasure but it's just treated as a quirky ace thing now. We had the ace deck terms but those don't get used as much anymore. Some aces don't understand or engage with non-ace queer people, their spaces or history so that's why there's this constant 'we need an asexual butch and femme' 'what's the ace version of 'we need an asexual version of ___' instead of understanding the historical and social context behind why those terms where created. With Black asexuality we're making our own it's not just 'asexuality but Black' it's combining Black culture with asexuality to make something new. SoulAce Day is uniquely African American AND asexual. We have Tyger Songbird writing about Black asexual manhood, Sherronda J Brown writing about compulsory sexuality from a Black lense, Ianna Hawkins Owen on asexuality and the Mammy trope like it's all things that have never existed before. It's not a Black version of an ace thing or an ace version of a Black thing - it's fresh!

I think it's also based on power dynamics too. I think it's because white asexuals can see being Black as a marginalised identity and something they could wield power over (well... at least some do...) but a lot of non-lesbian aces don't see lesbianism as a marginalised identity. Their only exposure to lesbian culture is ace-exclusionist lesbians and the visibility of lesbian representation (which is mostly white cis and gender conforming) more than asexual rep so they assume they can't engage in lesbophobia or that it could exist in asexual spaces (I think this is an issue with how gay and bi aces are treated too). They can accept they can discriminate against Black aces but not lesbian aces. I think that's why some people are more comfortable when I talk about Blackness and being asexual instead of when I talk about lesbianism and being asexual, which is one of the few times another one of my identities has come 'before' my Blackness. A non-ace lesbian saying anti-asexual shit fucking sucks but I can still recognise they're not my oppressor on the basis of my asexuality on its own because lesbian sexual attraction isn't a protected class but a white asexual saying antiblack shit does make them one because they're benefiting from white supremacy whilst I'm marginalised by it. But with a non-lesbian asexual person saying something lesbophobic it's tricky because whilst asexuality isn't an oppressor class it's still marginalising me, especially if it's a straight ace saying it, because lesbianism isn't a protected class either. So in this context I get why some other ace lesbians can mostly do okay in lesbian spaces and not necessarily need an ace lesbian specific space whilst Black aces are having to leave essentially and make our own.

Then we can mix and match because we can definitely get into the antiblackness of the lesbian community and the birth of Black lesbian specific theory and culture in response to that, why we have stud, stem, fish, dom, tom, boi, AG and more. I think Black asexuality is going the same way but there's less of it again not because of 'allosexual privilege' or it being 'easier for the lesbians' but because it's just a matter of time. Modern lesbian culture started to grow within the mid 20th century so Black lesbian specific culture grew towards the end of the 20th century whilst modern asexual culture started to grow in the early 21st century in the 2000s so Black asexual culture is growing afterwards too but this time we're all watching it in real time.

TL;DR - Different things are different. Asexual lesbianism and Black asexuality exist in two different social contexts so ace lesbians are kinda scattered across the ace community, the lesbian community and joint ace lesbian spaces because of compulsory sexuality and lesbophobia whilst Black aces are forming our own stuff because of antiblackness.

[kaleido-write]

You know it's ok to like lesbian stories that are about teenage girls (your examples, although one is not canon) and prefer them cuz since they're minors there's no sexual stuff happening. LB isn't about teenage love, it's about adult love between women and that includes sexual activities and unhealthy dynamics. Depicting isn't romanticizing. And clearly rusty is not romanticizing blaire and riley reliance on sex to overlook their issues, she's actually showing that it's not good. If you prefer love stories with teenagers that's all ok, you don't have to keep reading the lesbian comic about adult women having sex and messy relationships

OK first you obviously didn't read what I wrote but that's fine I don't really expect lb readers to yk read

I used exemples of good complex lesbian relationship , to explain that blaire and Riley aren't a good ship in any sort of way

First , rusty SHOULDNT make sexual content when her audience is general , this include MINORS , minors shouldn't be exposed to sexual content , rusty is weird as fuck to depict sexual content when she knows there's minors in her audience

Also riddle me this Sherlock

If rusty isn't romanticizing their use of sex in order to avoid conflicts then why is it portrayed in a positive light here ??

In (good) storytelling (wich i know leasebound readers know nothing about) there's something crazy called foreshadowing, context clues , ect

Theses are meant to subtly show that the author doesn't agree with what's happening, that what's happening is bad nor unhealthy, there's no signs of that here

And its pretty explicit

Wich means rusty made sexual content available to minors

Its fucked up you're trying to defend that

Stop defending that

And BTW, I read a lot of messy lesbians story ,because I can handle messiness , I even have messy saphic ocs

Because unlike rusty , im not a whiny little pathetic terf that's scared of representation, because unlike rusty , I think of other people , if you're gonna defend a person making sexual content to her audience wich consist of minors , make sexual comment towards minors and obsessing over strangers genitalia , stealing artwork , disrespecting any person talking to her then you better come off anon and say it with your full chest .

[the-new-york-groove]

Welcome to the New York Groove!

Now that I've obviously dedicated way too much time to this blog, I thought it was time for a more formal introduction, including a bit about me and some background on how much I'm connected to each sport/team I'm talking about.

You can call me Groove for ease of memory. I am barely an adult, to whom it may concern, and my pronouns are he/him. (A man is yapping about this many women's sports? Yes. I'm a trans man. TERFs get out. And any sensible cis guy fan would get that more sports = better, for that matter)

This is the women's sports sideblog of @orange-juice-speaks! We're all about NY/NJ area teams here! NYON and all that!

Teams you can expect to hear about are the New York Sirens of the PWHL, New York Liberty of the WNBA, New York Exiles of the WER, Jersey Shore Wave of the WNFC, the yet-to-be-announced New York WPBL team that's obviously inevitable, and if I get a little ambitious, I may even check out what's up with Gotham FC.

I'm coming at everything from the perspective of a spectator, and even if I were still an athlete, adaptive athletics don't always translate, as we will discover together during rugby season!

Here's a breakdown of all the sports as I'm coming at them!

🏒: If you're here already, it's for this one. I talk a lot about the Sirens. Why shouldn't I? Their games are most accessible to me streaming-wise, they're the only team on this list I've seen in-person, and the woho community on here is already thriving. I've been a day one fan in theory, game 2 fan in practice because I had to convince my mom it wasn't a no-contact league before she'd tune in and explain anything.

Occasionally, I make reference to the Islanders when talking about the Sirens. But I was a Sirens fan first, the Islanders are my emotional extension of Sirens Hockey (derogatory).

🏀: I played wheelchair basketball as a kid, so I've got a bizarre soft spot for it now. I call it bizarre because my mother refuses to watch basketball, so I catch maybe two Liberty games a season live. Thank god for the league pass. I've been following from that distance since 2023 and I'd like the chance to connect more with fellow fans!

🏉: Ah, rugby. I could talk your ear off about wheelchair rugby, the US team for which I've been following for 4 years now, but able-bodied rugby? Those are very different sports. I've got no clue what's going on, I just watched the USWNT win bronze in Paris and said--I like that. Hopefully I find some seasoned fans on here?

⚾️: I know nothing of significance has been announced for the WPBL as of now, there's no official NY team yet, and it won't even start for another 14 months. I don't care! I'm getting ahead of the curve! I. Love. Baseball. I love the Yankees (though my Grimace jokes have suggested otherwise), I love women's sports, this is the perfect combination of things and it would be literally insane if there was no WPBL franchise in New York--baseball absolutely runs this place in the sports market.

🏈: Apparently all you have to do to make me interested in a sport I otherwise hated is have women play. The WNFC has been a thing for 7 years now, but the Jersey Shore Wave are a brand new team, streaming is free on Victory+, and they're playing every Saturday of the IIHF Women's World's break, so fuck it, we ball! I have been forced to understand this stupid game at least a little bit by virtue of being American, so I'm gonna see what this is about. Maybe I'll never touch it again, maybe I'll finally get the hype, but you'll actually have to kill me before this fandom extends to the NFL.

⚽️: I have this conception of soccer as slow grass hockey with no contact, but I like watching highlights and Gotham FC are pretty good, right?

[pearwaldorf]

If you've followed me for a while it's pretty clear what my stance on anti/purity wank nonsense is. I was here when I saw the shift towards media consumption and shipping as activism/a proxy for morality, and the way this has been used to lay a veneer of righteousness on what we would have previously described as ship wars or fandom wank.

It's funny because antis/purity wankers have this view of people who enjoy the nasty stuff as genuinely fucked up the same way homo/transphobes view gay and trans people: existential threats to morality, truth, justice, and the American way. Having known a fair amount of them, they're just people in fandom. They just happen to be into stuff that not everybody vibes with, the same way some people are into high school AUs or soulmate tropes and other people aren't. It just requires a little more tagging to make sure people who want to avoid that stuff can.

So of course I was absolutely horrified when I saw people dismissing the revelations about how volunteers were treated in the wake of the CSAM attacks as anti bullshit. People out there have read the information available and blithely dismissed these credible accusations and actions (which have been confirmed by the OTW Board and Legal committees), as some sort of psy-op by groups gunning the OTW/AO3, some of which may include the Russians, TERFs, possibly the Disney corporation.

For a bunch of people who have accused antis of being brainwashed dittoheads, the OTW apologists have done an impressive lack of critical thinking themselves. Even beyond that, why is their impulse, when an organization has been accused of something extremely horrific, to side with the organization rather than the victim?

I would like to think we, as fans, understand that we do the things we do out of love. Certainly there will be annoyances and irritations in the process, but those are not the same as genuine harm. I know for many of us, fandom has been a refuge from extremely awful things in our lives. It fucks me up so much that a thing you do out of love can lead to such a devastating trauma because people who should have given a shit absolutely fucking did not.

--

Um, well then.

When I started this post I intended on doing a witty little rhetorical flip in the conclusion to be like "lol guess what u know who r the real monsters?" And then I started ugly crying. I think this is the thing I've been trying to get a handle on since I learned about what happened.

I thought we loved each other. I thought that would be enough, to be some sort of lifeline to ensure we wouldn't be monsters. Obviously I was wrong, and it was stupid to think that way, but I did not anticpate how much it would hurt to realize.

[bread-and-roses-too]

not to go nuts over a random song that got popular on tik tok but the part of Labour where they go "it's not an act of love if you make her" makes me feel righteous rage. Obviously the immediate thought goes to sex which is of course a good message, but if you take it a step deeper it really starts to fuck with your head. Cooking, cleaning, caring for someone when they're sick, those are all supposed to be acts of love. But because they're so expected that you basically can't avoid them they become chores, and more than chores they become required. I've heard a lot of cishet women, including my own mom, talk about how they can never take a break because their family can't function without them. I love to cook and bake, but I would never show off that love or skill until very late in a relationship with a man. For a long time I didn't cook or bake at all because I was afraid of being seen as "wife material" because "wife material" means "taken advantage of by men who don't want to put in their fair share". I feel like the exploitation of women is so normalized that even if you want to do traditional housewife roles you have to stay out of them to avoid being abused and taken advantage of. It's not an act of love if you make her, so many of us have stopped showing love in the form of housewife tasks to avoid being roped into relationships with men who will make us serve them. I just want to bake my future partner a cake without worrying how they and other people will view it in the framework of gender.

[image id: a banner that says "this post is about misogyny, do not derail" on the first line and "terfs, twerfs, and swerfs dni" on the second line].

[velvetvexations]

This Warless Weekend...I accidentally broke the one rule of Warless Weekend sending "Maya Henry is in fact a trans woman lol" to a TERF. Sigh. Forgive me, Velvet Nation.

The post was discovered because I was once again going through radblr looking for screenshots to prove beyond the shadow of the doubt that radfems hate even cis men, let alone trans men. It's going to be a multi-day affair because I want to include so many examples that when you click "read more" it'll be like unraveling an ancient scroll that drops to the floor and rolls down several flights of stairs in a cartoon.

I've also been debating a radfem who's not...the TERFiest? Hard to classify someone who thinks private spaces should be sex-segregated for now but corrects anons who misgender me and believes radfems shouldn't be so hostile to trans women* because they're "allies of the feminist revolution." My only concern is that my (mostly AFAB trans!) followers would see me interacting with someone who has those radfemmy beliefs in a way that isn't pure hostility and be made to feel unsafe as a result. I have no illusions that his radical feminist beliefs are harmful. But am I being too nice, regardless? I've been personally convinced he sincerely holds beliefs that makes other radfems hate him, thus the anon he got misgendering me and saying he should stop talking to me because I'm a homophobe.** Sometimes good people get praxis wrong.

And TRFs will say "ooh, look at Velvet, being courteous to people who self-identify as radfems, she'd never do that for transfems she slanders as TRFs." First of all, I think a lot of non-transfems are TRFs. Secondly, I do do that for TRFs, all the fucking time! As with anyone else when they're not just horribly cruel I do actually go to extreme lengths to be polite, approaching them as a submissive doormat of a person, offering the most politely worded but in-depth critique of their bullshit you could possibly imagine. I've started several posts of such a nature with "please take this in good faith" and at least once I've DM'd someone after reblogging them to go the extra mile assuring them I'm not trying to take a swing at them.

I think talking to people is good and healthy and should be encouraged, idk. That doesn't go for someone who thinks all trans women are monsters who want to abuse Trve Wymbyn, or that all trans men are deluded victims/fetishisers of cis gay men/escaping into privilege.*** Most radfems, like outright conservatives, are 100% bugfuck evil and do not deserve anything other than mockery and scorn. But if there's a chance you might be able to connect with an intellectually and morally honest person who seems to be going for what they truly believe is best for everyone...I think you should go for it.

I desperately want to believe people when it seems like they're really honestly trying out of sincere moral impulses and are truly capable of treating others with respect rather than it being an enemy psyop. I'm trying to not let my fear of being gullible deter me from offering my hand to people when our differences might be bridgeable.

*and other trans people, plus those who are dysphoric but do not consider themselves trans

**I believe they were referring to when I said homosexuality was also an atypical arousal pattern in response to someone pointing at a basic ass furry to say trans people were ridden with paraphilias

***I just realized how diverse the "explanations" for AFAB trans people are. With how much transphobia relies on being offensive to Trve Wymbyn you have to get creative to explain why it's also bad when one of their own contracts the mind virus and it's so obviously completely incoherent

[enchantrum]

I know I’m not fully versed in the dynamics of a lot of fandoms, but where you say that people will latch onto terf ideology without recognizing it, is so true. I’ve actually been seeing this in my own life. A friend of mine, who’s a straight passing queer, nonbinary man (he/they), recently ended an abusive relationship with his femme partner in which he was the one being abused, and so many former friends, including trans women, have latched onto this idea that he held all the power because he was a man and a bit older. They’re even engaging in victim blaming rhetoric: “if he’s actually being abused then why is he doing this?” Or “why doesn’t he do that?” And calling any boundaries he sets as “leveraging power dynamics.” It’s really gross. Those of us who recognize the abusive dynamics for what they are, are being accused of siding with an abuser just because he’s a friend. And the thing is people do overlook abuse when it challenges their own feelings towards someone they’re close to. That happens all the time. But here you have people shielding a femme partner from any accountability for their abusive behavior (taking advantage of his money, destroying property, putting pets in danger, triangulating, lying, taking away his personal space) and just deciding that the masc straight-passing man must be the abuser.

I don’t know if this is along the lines of what you’re talking about when it comes to terf ideology - I know terfs are very essentialist - but I think it’s so important for everyone to recognize that no one, including themselves, is immune from engaging in or adopting problematic ideology and acting upon it.

pretty much what I'm talking about and probably one of the most harmful forms of it, because it's obviously damaging this person's life. I'm really sorry that's happening to your friend and I hope they're able to establish a support system of reasonable people. men and mascs aren't really seen as needing support which is part of the problem.

it is rooted in TERFy biocentric ideas of anything "male" = predatory and everything "female" = harmless/prey.

though it's evolved a lot from when I first encountered it. the reasoning was basically that if you're born male you'll always be defined by this wrong maleness. more recently it means anything masculine = performing maleness and maleness being defined as predatory, toxic, needlessly aggressive, etc.

I used to encounter a lot of infantilizing of trans men ("the poor misguided butches" etc) and although there's still some of that, there's a lot more of "HRT and transition makes trans men aggressive and crazy and they're just as bad as cis men."

anyone this loose idea of "maleness" touches is under fire.

on a personal level, after I transitioned my abusive mother tried to gaslight me by accusing me of "male abuse". she tried to go behind my back to talk to my doctors and everything lol. but the thing is her gaslighting, interfering and being a control freak wasn't new, it had been going on for 20+ years. she just has the convenient excuse of my masculinity now because men can't possibly be abused.

we've been no contact for a few years now, thank fuck.

so yeah it's good if you can identify TERFy brainrot when it's seeping into the perspective of those around you.

maybe some people still enjoy the edgy catharsis of "lol I hate men" but it's counter productive if we want to progress in gender equality.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I am a gay man. I neither am a lesbian nor have sex with lesbians. I differ to lesbians on what lesbians are attracted to. Idk why you're in my inbox babe.

But I will say that for me I'm attracted to femininity in men, including trans men but I'm not attracted to women, and I assume it's a similar thing for lesbians but with women instead of men.

Also being attracted to femininity/masculinity isn't sexist, usually that just comes down to preference, which can stem from internalized bias but doesn't always. Like I assume you if you're a lesbian that you have a preference for butches/studs or femmes, or maybe you don't. For example I tend to give all guys a chance regardless of aesthetic, size and gender presentation but my whole life I've only ever been romantically interested in three guys and they were all skinny feminine punk/goth types. I imagine that's a preference that I have.

Anyway logic doesn't have much to do with sexual preference in my experience. Logically I'm a huge bottom so I should be into guys who top but that usually isn't how things work out for me. Logically I prefer the physical act of giving head to people with vaginas and I'd probably have more luck finding someone with that equipment who wants to get eaten out if I was into women but I'm woefully attracted to men and I just have to hope that a trans guy finds me on Grindr, or just eat ass. Logically, I don't want to get pregnant so it would probably be safer for me to be into people who can't do that to me, but again, woefully attracted to men. I look at a woman and I just can't muster any sexual appetite for her. Sorry.

Although to be fair my disinclination toward women does on the rare occasion apply to men. Like for example I might be convinced to KaiKai with a Trixie Mattel type or a Nina Bo'nina Brown type but you could not get me to KaiKai with F1nn5ter. I don't know why he just doesn't register to me the way that most women don't register to me.

So yeah I am giving you a fucking non answer because sexuality isn't about logic or reason. It's words we have to describe sexual attraction, which I hate to tell you this, is a vibe. It's all feelings. Feelings of sexual attraction.

You TERFs are so obsessed with white patriarchal notions of concrete reason that you never realize the very obvious answer that some things just aren't about logic or reason, they're about experiential reality. And then you wanna pretend like you're anti patriarchy.

Feelings don't care about your facts.

[radkindoffeminist]

read your bio and came to bully you anyways lol ❤️ imagine being so narrow-minded and brainless that you hate the idea of people being themselves and living their lives and feeling oh so threatened by the existence of women who are different from you.

what defines a woman to you? a vagina? well, what about your "anti-porn" stance? why would you reduce a woman to her genitals? isn't that what you TERFs hate, when women are reduced to being walking vaginas, as men often do? "a woman is someone who can carry a child" what about women who are infertile? women with PCOS, ovarian cancer, etc etc. would you shun females with body/facial hair due to a natural excess of testosterone? how then could you tell a trans woman from a cis woman with excess testosterone? and don't be like "well obviously i could pick out a man in a dress from a woman" because a lot of trans women are not obvious! blaire white? jamie clayton? laverne cox? i don't know about you, but i didn't know they were trans until i was explicitly told that they were.

we can talk biology all you want, but the fact is: every single individual is unique. even identical twins. and not everyone has the same amount of estrogen and testosterone (of which everyone has both of! that's right! even as a biological female, you have *some* testosterone! that's just how it works! and it's there to maintain your physical health. and as we've established, some women have Too Much testosterone, and as trans women prove, sometimes that excess of testosterone in women results in a penis forming while they're in their parent's womb)

go read a fucking book you blockheaded plebeian. biology is way more complicated than what you learned in 3rd grade.

p.s. i encourage you to google any of this shit <3 educate yourself. don't be an idiot.

Ooof, a lot post of stupidity. Be glad that you found me on a high energy day.

imagine being so narrow-minded and brainless that you hate the idea of people being themselves and living their lives

What is it with the ‘these people are just trying to live their lives’ rhetoric? Realising that this whole idea was fucking bullshit was one of the things which made me peak! How can you say that they’re just trying to live their lives when they are removing safe spaces for women by shifting to self-ID as standard and attacking rape crisis shelters for not complying with this ideal; continually attacking and insult people (but lesbians especially) for refusing to change their sexuality to include trans people and forcing conversion therapy ideas onto them so that they’re ‘inclusive’ (receipts at @tra-receipts); and forcing literally everyone to change their language about issues related to the female body to be ‘more inclusive’ despite the fact that women hate this language because it is degrading and misogynistic and despite it being ‘for inclusivity’ it is almost exclusively used to label women and not men (receipts at @misogynistic-inclusive-language)? Please explain exactly how people just want to live their lives in peace when all of shit is going down and affecting so many other people constantly.

feeling oh so threatened by the existence of women who are different from you.

No part of me is threatened by the existence of women who are different from me. I am, however, threatened by the thought of males being allowed in safe spaces which were designed to protect me for men/male violence just because these men say they’re women. And I’m offended by the idea that some males put on some makeup and dresses and think that makes them women and that they are actually worse off because of that, despite never being socialised the same as me and never having the fear of sexual violence/harassment hanging over them and so many other things which are inherent to womanhood

what defines a woman to you? a vagina?

What defines a woman? Adult human female which means that yes, women have a vagina. What do you define as being a woman, anon? A feeling maybe? Or the debunked brain sex theory? Or maybe you're not even that smart and think it's just being a woman. In any case, woman means adult human female and there is no other coherent definition which has ever been provided (receipts @woman-defined), though you're welcome to prove me wrong. So maybe you should tell me why we need to change all our language and laws and safe spaces to accommodate people based on them ‘feeling’ like an incoherent concept.

well, what about your "anti-porn" stance?

What about my anti-porn stance? How dare I hate an industry which is notoriously abusive towards women and which is linked with misogyny and sexual violence in the men who consume it? Idk, seems like a reasonable stance to take 🤷🏼‍♀️ (Sources and further reading @antiporn-activist. One of the best users for this topic.)

why would you reduce a woman to her genitals? isn't that what you TERFs hate, when women are reduced to being walking vaginas, as men often do?

You seem to both understand and not understand what it means to be reduced to something so let me explain since you obviously need the clarity. Being ‘reduced to’ something means that you are seen as only being that thing or only useful because of that thing. Radfems hate being reduced to their organs and reproductive capabilities so by that we mean we hate it when men say that our only purpose in life should be to reproduce and that that’s the only thing we’re good for.

Saying that a woman has a vagina isn’t reducing her to her vagina. I am saying that it is a part of her body which she has. Much like if I said that lesbians only date women. I am not saying that lesbians are sex-obsessed weirdos who ogle every woman they see because they can’t control themselves and reducing them to their sexuality but rather that stating a characteristic which is inherent to that group. Hope you are now able to understand the difference and why radfems don’t reduce women to their vaginas!

(Side note: Do you not think it’s a little ironic to say that radfems are the one ‘reducing women’ to their vagina and organs when it’s the TRAs who believe that we should be using terms like ‘vagina haver’ and ‘uterus owner’ to describe women?)

"a woman is someone who can carry a child" what about women who are infertile? women with PCOS, ovarian cancer, etc etc.

Mate, I literally have PCOS so don’t fuck with me about this. Not a single radfem in the four years that I have been on this site has ever told me that I am less of a woman or not a woman because I have a PCOS. Not one. Ever. Many TRAs have however implied that I’m not fully female due to a fucking medical condition but I digress. Radfems do not exclude women with medical conditions and radfems have literally never defined being a woman as being able to carry a child. I don’t even know why you bothered putting quotation marks around something no radfem has ever said. As I said before, a woman is an adult human female. PCOS and ovarian cancer sufferers/survivors are still fucking female.

would you shun females with body/facial hair due to a natural excess of testosterone?

Nope.

how then could you tell a trans woman from a cis woman with excess testosterone? and don't be like "well obviously i could pick out a man in a dress from a woman" because a lot of trans women are not obvious! blaire white? jamie clayton? laverne cox? i don't know about you, but i didn't know they were trans until i was explicitly told that they were.

Because the vast majority of trans people are clockable due to having distinctly male features. Are there some trans women who I cannot clock? Yeah, I’ll admit that. After years on hormones, multiple surgeries, masses of makeup, and voice coaching there are a handful of trans women who I would not be able to clock and haven’t been able to clock. But you’re a fucking idiot if you think the vast, vast majority of trans women are completely unclockable because most don’t have access to the money to do all the things which would allow them to appear like a regular woman. Hell, some don’t even want to. A very small handful of very rich trans people being able to pass well doesn’t discount that the average trans woman cannot pass.

(But seriously? You couldn’t clock Laverne Cox? Are you dumb?)

go read a fucking book you blockheaded plebeian.

Nah, don’t like reading books that much

biology is way more complicated than what you learned in 3rd grade.

I fucking love this argument. Actually got an ask about this the other day, funnily enough. I thought that sex and gender were supposed to be two completely separate, though slightly linked, concepts? So while you spew complete bullshit about disorders of sexual development, how about you tell what the existence of intersex conditions has to do with gender? Because seriously, I don’t understand. ‘Hey a very small percentage of people are born with XY chromosomes but appear externally to be female due to this rare medical condition which means that this fully grown man with a penis can call himself a woman’? Seriously, I do not understand how because ‘biology is way more complicated than what [I] learned in 3rd grade’ that means that males can call themselves women and we need to cope. Please explain the logic here.

p.s. i encourage you to google any of this shit <3 educate yourself. don't be an idiot.

I have spent a lot of time educating myself of trans people and trans issues but guess what? Still gender critical and still have not seen a coherent definition of what a woman which includes trans women! Also really don’t appreciate having people talk down to me and telling me that my view can only come from a place of ignorance just because they refuse to educate themselves on what gender critical views actually are so will go along with any lies that they’re told. Your message to me was not trying to educate me and you didn’t show the most basic understanding of radfem view points yet you’re going to sit there and tell me that I’m the uneducated one? Damn, that’s fucking bold of you. How about you start by reading the blogs that I have tagged above, coherently defining what a woman is, and then educating yourself on the most basic radfem views?

[shrimpmandan]

Hey I hope this isn't annoying but I gotta go on a rant or I'm gonna implode.

Gender can be confusing for some people, y'know? Especially the whole "am I a different gender than my agab or am I gnc or both?" kinda thing. But it bothers me to no end when people try to dumb it down to "oh you're trans if you feel like it uwu"

Like, you (general) gotta go through a series of questions and self discovery sometimes. Not with every trans person, obviously, but most of us do (or should)

Are you (again, general) trans or are you gnc?

Are you trans or do you have body dysmorphia?

Are you trans or have you been a victim of societal beauty standards?

Are you trans or are you dealing with internalized sexism?

Are you trans or do you see it as being more "moral" than being cis?

Are you trans or do you see it as being more "interesting" than being cis?

Are you trans or just in denial about having a fetish for cross-dressing or autogyno/androphilia?

Are you trans or do you just not understand the differences between (and nuances of) gender, gender expression, and gender roles?

Especially when it comes to people who say they have 0 dysphoria but instead experience euphoria. Obviously you can't have one without the other, but it makes me wonder if they're just happy to express themselves a certain way (gnc) or if they have autogyno/androphilia (which terfs have horribly misrepresented, fuck those hoes)

Sorry if this was weird, but I'm curious to see if any other trans / nb people have similar feelings.

You hit the nail on the head anon. I've felt the exact same way for years now. People (including the general psychological community) conflate being trans with being GNC so much and it's infuriating.

[22degreehalo]

For real though I never feel less female than I do around wlw.

Like it verges into straight up dysphoria, to the point where in my last year on tumblr I started seriously wondering if I was trans or something.

But when I'm on my own I'm always always okay with just being a she/her girl. Long story short I'm 90% sure I'm a cis girl and that taking on any other identity/pronouns/whatever wouldn't make anything better.

But I definitely do have a disconnection from womanhood that feels, like, especially pronounced among lesbians particularly

I think it's a combo of

A) the pedestalisation of women among lesbian wlw especially, which makes me so fucking worried about young wlw being taken advantage of and not feeling okay in speaking out when they're mistreated by women. But I certainly don't feel like a goddess or perfect or kind or emotionally intelligent, so I feel myself pushed into the category of 'terrible awful man, just go away you trash you'll never change' and it SUCKSSSSS

B) As an aroace girl I grew up pressured to be things for other people I couldn't be, and think true happiness could only be found in something I can't do. So obviously pro-wlw stuff can end up leveraging amatonormativity in a way that's really bad for me (but not inherently bad? Competing access needs and all), but it's specifically the promotion of wlw love as essential to womanhood, the 'every woman is a lesbian at heart' type politic that lies under a LOT of wlw ideology, that means when I feel disconnected from romance I'm also disconnected from being a woman

C) connected to the above, the fear/discomfort I feel at being expected to perform sex/romance making me want to make myself undesirable, thus making me want to feel less like a woman and more like anything else.

D) in general I don't relate well to most people because I'm aroace and ND. With men that's fine because I have an easy, obvious reason why I shouldn't fully relate. But on the surface I SHOULD relate to women, and prefer their company. In spaces of mainly women, especially where they go hard on gender essentialism and men/women being entirely different, it's VERY obvious and I feel like my lack of relating makes me less female somehow

And final point that I can't fully understand yet:

E) I know... a LOT of nb lesbians. Like most of my mutuals on twitter are? And... it's a weird feeling, being in some ways the opposite of that - me girl but no attraction, thanks. But. When I feel disconnected from womanhood, that includes wlw. And it's not just because of the patriarchy, it's also because of wlw themselves, both because we're just not the same and because ngl a lot of wlw have hurt me. :( But it... leaves me in a weird space where being nb also feels like a wlw thing, and thus primarily female, not to mention 'belonging' to lesbians, which sends MY gender feelings into a fucking TAILSPIN where the only way I can actually express my disconnection is by going full force into the thing 'incompatible' with being wlw, that being a man. And when you bring in he/him lesbians it gets even worse.

Actually wait one more really dumb one:

F) the whole idea of being a girl as a Choice, like in that post about TERFs, makes me feel weird bc I feel like being a girl is the MORAL choice because girls are Better and so my gender feelings are Bad and Kinda Traitorous orrrrrr for the full 'sj has fucked my brain big time' I. Feel like I don't deserve to be a girl because I suck in most of the ways wlw say men suck. PLUS, i feel like being a girl means I agree it's the better choice, somehow?? And that I'm saying I'm a girl because I'm Better????? (For real tho there are some not even wlw but general feminist places that are super pro trans women because they're Becoming Women but really wary and even hostile to trans mascs? And uh. I relate more to trans mascs, usually...)

I dunno man. Honestly... deep down I just don't like talking about gender because it's inherently about expectations and social groupings. Any group that talks a lot about gender in a personal way makes me uncomfortable super fast. Hell, any group where gender makes a difference at all.

Idk man. Gender is weird.

[fatgothgf]

i like your blog a lot and the positivity you put out for your followers is really lovely. as a bi wlw i'm feeling a little weird about some of the posts you've been reblogging lately tho. i make "useless wlw" jokes because... i've been that useless wlw with a crush on a woman and no idea how to deal with it. these posts seem like they're excluding non-lesbian wlw. i agree non-wlw shouldn't make jokes, but the "only lesbians" thing seems, tbh, kind of terf-y

nobody has any problem with wlw saying “useless wlw” or lesbians saying “useless lesbian”

its non wlw making fun of wlw, or nonlesbians making fun of lesbians, that all these posts are about

it has nothing to do with whether or not theyre trans women? you cannot just call anything that slightly makes you uncomfortable “terfy”, it is dangerous and undermines the horrific things that trans women actually face. it is not just something that sounds “off” to you. that is not what “terfs” are. 

im not going to back down against this. no one except lesbians should making these comments, that are specifically about lesbians, its not okay and it never will be. and bi women shouldnt be making fun of lesbians either??? or vice versa but we’re not doing it so lol. no one should be fucking making fun of any groups theyre not a fuckin part of. you are deliberately misconstruing lesbians’ defenses of themselves for literally no reason

if any mention of something being lesbian-only makes you think it’s “terfy”, then u have a problem with lesbians and need to reevaluate yourself

i am not a terf and never have been or will be and i fucking hate them. when i speak about lesbians i am obviously including all trans and nb lesbians.

stop calling anything you personally dislike “terfy”, it’s not okay. that term means something and its not “a lesbian asking not to be made fun of”

and the problem with including nonlesbian wlw is because no ones making posts making fun of yall in this same way. it is ALWAYS “useless lesbian” specifically, and you know this too. every single post i’ve seen going around calling us useless and dumb uses the word “lesbian” specifically. so thats what im going to react to, because im a fucking lesbian you dumbass

sorry bi women dont get a free pass to make fun of lesbians either bitch

if you want posts defending nonlesbian wlw, make them yourself, you have a blog too